We Hate Movies - S14: PATREON SUMMER UNLOCK - Once In A Lifetime #1: Stalked by My Doctor

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Originally Released on Patreon: April 22, 2021 "I found this to be the most uncomfortable hour-and-a-half I've had watching a movie in a really long time." - Andrew On the inaugural edition of Once In A Lifetime, the gang is chatting about the bonkers 2015 film that shockingly launched a whole twisted franchise, Stalked by My Doctor! Why do they have Eric Roberts talking like a 25 year-old incel? What is Dr. Beck doing to that teddy bear? And whatever you do, don't say hi to people at the food court! PLUS: The gang picks out some fun coffins! Stalked by My Doctor stars Eric Roberts, Brianna Joy Chomer, Deborah Zoe, Jon Briddell, Carson Boatman, Wyntergrace Williams, and Devon Libran; directed by Doug Campbell. Once In A Lifetime is a bi-monthly (every-other month) We Hate Movies podcast where the gang watches some outrageous Lifetime movies and attempts to sift through the madness within. There are currently 21 episodes of Once In A Lifetime available, exclusively on Patreon, including FOUR MORE episodes on Stalked by My Doctor sequels! Sign up today to unlock more Lifetime Movie madness! Be sure to get your tickets early for our final shows of the year happening this November and December in Seattle, Portland (OR) & Boston! Click through to our website for all tour info! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey folks, before we get to this stalked by my doctor, special once in a lifetime unlock that we're doing here on the feed this week, just want to make you hip in case you missed the announcement last week. But our end of year shows have indeed been announced. So check this out. November 15th, we're going to be making our debut in the great city of Seattle, Washington. That's right. We're playing Washington Hall, November 15th. I believe it's a Friday night. We've been trying to get booked into Seattle literally since we've been touring. One reason or another it didn't work out but here we are november 15th hitting up seattle then just two nights later we're going to be rocking south down to portland oregon we are returning to the great

venue mississippi studios that's 1117 and then just a few weeks later on december 4th we're going back to boston that's right boston massachusetts we're returning to you we'll be back at laugh boston that's uh been our home uh for the past few years we've been uh touring in boston so laugh boston on 12 4 Mississippi Studios in Portland, Oregon on 1117, and Washington Hall in Seattle, Washington on 1115. Now, no titles have been selected yet, so you didn't miss that announcement. We'll be sure to let everybody know.

But tickets are available for all three shows. You can head over to our website, WHM Podcast.com. Click on that tour tab. All three shows are there with links to the tickets. And remember, all three shows do have special after show meet and greets. Those are, you know, depending upon the venue, you've got to read the fine print, everybody.

They're either called VIP tickets, premium tickets, something like that. I believe all the language does indicate, though, meet and greet after those shows. Now, again, 1115, Seattle, Washington, 1117, Portland, Oregon, 12-4 Boston, Massachusetts. It's our end-of-the-year shows. We're super psyched to be doing these. And also, TBD, but keep your eyes peeled for this. We are doing one more virtual show before the end of the year. So we'll have that announcement for the digital worldwide event happening, uh, let's say,

sometime in October. Unconfirmed at the moment, but that's going to be coming soon. But anyway, kickback. Enjoy this unlock of Stock by My Doctor. Eric Roberts, just one of the best to ever do it. Yeah, that's it. Enjoy the program. Have a great week, y'all.

...hast... ...and... ...and... ...so... ...I... ...that... ...with... ...and...

...acte... ...of... Uh-oh, it's time for another Patreon Vacation Unlocked. What? What? That's right, Chris Cabin. We're sitting here by the lake in the Catskills, man. And we are this week releasing one of the fan favorite once-on-a-lifetime episodes

here on the main feed. Indeed, the first time we ever tangled with Dr. Beck, this is stalked by my doctor. It's also the first once in a lifetime we've ever done, yes. So if you're not familiar this is at, usually it's at the $10 fee, the top tier of the Patreon. Every other month we do lifetime

movies. Yes. And you will learn all the names of all of her famous characters from Dr. Beck to laid back back and that's it. No, don't forget Hat Girl from the Deadly Bile High Club. Nikki

sure Bismarck Mickey Bismarck also from the Stocked franchise of course there is so many little

we have movies machinations you are missing by not listening to these once in a lifetime episodes and we really

hope you enjoy this one on stalked by my doctor number one now remember folks you like this we've done all of them on Patreon

right is that right that's true you don't want to be too laid back back at Misty you should see what we got here and And if you like crazy, you know, overly mellow dramatic television, such as Stockmar by Doctor, no theatrical release there.

On Thursday, we're also unlocking an episode of Melro 210.0, which is a very popular, I dare I say, fan favorite Patreon show, where every month we go through an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 and an episode of Melrose Plays. Yeah, this show started because we were going nuts during the pandemic and we stopped it because it made us even more nuts to do it. And then it was so popular, we had to bring it back. We brought it back on the top year of the Patreon, of course. Back by popular demand. And yes, there will be, if you like Melro and you like Lifetime, there's going to be a new Melro this month on Patreon, brand new, and a new once-in-a-lifetime movie offering on Patreon that you can listen to very shortly.

What is that called, Chris? Oh, it's a movie called Danger in the Dorm starring Real Housewives of Something or Others, Bentonie Frankel. She was a real housewife of New York Now she's an acclaimed actor Of course In What was it, Danger in the Dorm? Danger in the Dore

Fucking great Lifetime movie title right there Hell yeah So if you're like Jones it for some fresh fresh new movie episodes On the Patreon You will have Danger in the Dorm You also have The Crow We covered on Patreon that is available now

That's right, that is August We Love Movies episode on The Crow The Alex Proyas Is that his own? good movie? Yeah, probably. Dark City's pretty good. Oh, I like Dark City. Yeah, yeah, that's right. But yeah, so if you're like, oh, hey, man, you know, the main Tuesday

movie is stalked by my doctor. Look, it's a movie, and if someone hadn't fucked up, this would have been Robocop too, live in Houston, which was a great show. Big thanks to everyone who came out in Houston, but that thing just got fucked six ways from Sunday. We'll never be released unfortunately, and hey, your

four angry uncles need a fucking month off. So this is stalked by my doctor, part one. It's wild shit. Enjoy. Steve, how many of these have you seen? I've seen all of these, and I will... No. I've seen so many of these, and this is going to blow everyone's wine,

because am I the only one who has seen more than once talked with my doctor? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I was disappointed because in the sequels, he has multiple personalities, and they keep cutting... It'll be like, Eric Robert should have room being like, I can't do this.

And then another Eric Roberts, always in a Hawaiian shirt. It's like, yeah, you can't, Jack. You got to get this girl. No fucking way, man. And I was bummed because I was like, is it not in this one? Oh, man, that fucking sucks. Is you doing any kind of accent work in there, Steve? It's a good question.

It's been a while since I've seen any of the sequels. My favorite being stalked by my doctor, a sleepwalker's nightmare, which takes place around a sleep study. Oh, wow, he can get into all sorts of creepy business. Yeah, this dude should not be around sleeping people, man. Hey, everybody, welcome to once in a lifetime. This is our new Patreon-only sideshow. I feel this is one that has been in the works probably since the Obama administration.

We've been talking about this. We've been talking about this for a long time. Like, I mean, cyber subduction was one of our earlier episodes, probably like 2012, 2013. Invisible Child, I think was earlier than that. Yeah, yeah. Yep. Uh-huh. In my first 100 days, we're going to close Guantanamo.

And then the We Hate Movies Gang is going to do once in a lifetime. Yep. And we're going to expend Obamacare in order for doctors to better treat their patients. They can go to their house and sleep and masturbate in their bed. I mean, you'll notice. you'll notice that they always talk about these lifetime movies. Never do them. Very rarely do them.

But they keep on talking about them. You would think they do them. We're going to be having the We Hate Movies, boys, doing that Lifetime show, and also be pulling out of Afghanistan. Well, at least one of those things came to pass. Yep, that's true. It was about to happen, and Trump rescinded that order. But now that Biden's in there, you got once in a lifetime. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've, I've, I've.

made Richard Branson wait enough. My name is Andrew Juppin and I'm joined of course by the whole crew here. We got Lifetime movies expert Stephen Sadek. Hi, hi. Eric Siska, of course. Yes, lifetime employee, former lifetime employee. I was going to say former lifetime employee and a guy who owns a television Chris Cabin. Oh, hi, hoi, you know what? I love

the synth intro we have for the show. For this, I feel like we need like a cocktail hour madmen like lounge jazz version of the if somebody could pull that off I know we have many jazz greats that listen to the show still alive of course

Pallonius Monk if you could get on that we know that you know no ghosts allowed by the way Herbie Hancock you're still around maybe yeah that's a great idea before we get too far to this I want to quickly mention that working at Lifetime TV was the best

it was the best job i've ever had wow best tv network i ever worked in they actually cared about their employees at the time and would like i was um i was hired as a log coordinator which you want to see those logs mister yeah exactly yeah yeah which what that means is i was timing out the day on the networks mostly the lifetime movie network and what that would entail is i would get run times for movies and i'd fill it out to make it a two hour block by designating certain amount of time for commercials or promos or whatever else to pick like where in the movie the breaks happened um no no no there's a format producer uh who i knew the few format producers who would like plan that and in an edit session but what was great about lifetime is

they actually would train you and like give you an opportunity to move up in the company without being the you know the nephew of the boss or whatever so i was actually timing out logs and stuff like that not very interesting but then I got pulled into producing billboards so I made stuff for on air that's just how I got to know briefly Reno Romano

Batman voice actor who did he was the voice of lifetime at the time so whenever there was like this program is brought to you by metal mucle I was in charge of making him record that and then I would work with an editor to make that all work and it was cool because then you were getting

footage for a potential real even though it's not like a big thing it's like you could have actually had upward mobility at lifetime and in every other job i've had and any other network was not possible so eric as law coordinator you never organized any poops oh just um no just pro bono at home okay okay okay because i i just assumed i mean we had lived together while you were doing this and I just assumed you were going there every day and organizing poops for people. Because I know they, I know a lot of the, you know, the higher-ups at

corporations like that need work like that done. Hey, Chris, can I ask you something? Yes. What do you think on Twin Peaks, what do you think the log lady was doing that whole time? Well, she had an obvious log. So there was no, there was no, oh, I see. So you don't think she was... I'm not seeing Eric

at work every day, so I don't know what he's doing. Do you think she, like, stored turds in that log? Like, was hollowed? Yeah, like, I mean... like a turd thermos. Look, you know, some of the power of David Lynch is he makes your imagination go all sorts of places. So, yeah, I have occasionally thought of maybe

she stores her turds in the vlog. Real quick, just to end the Lifetime Network talk, is this quick story about how the company went down the drain. We had a newer hot shot CEO who thought like, okay, we're going to modernize lifetime. We're going to move it out of the Kaufman Astoria Studios basement in Astoria, New York, is where they used to be fucking based, which is nuts. And that's where the network operations center was.

In the basement of the Kauffman, Astoria? Really? It was like, you could, they were actually broadcasting TV out of Astoria anyway. That's crazy. So they moved it to, they moved it to Chelsea, and it was very expensive. The building then got bought by Google. So that's now Google headquarters is for a lifetime. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And Google, when they were buying it. We're like, well, if we ever want to start a TV network, we have all the equipment. I mean, now it's probably too obsolete, but it was there. And then the major reason the company went under was it was not only just that office move and the hubris of like getting all these expensive offices. Right. But she also bought a private jet and like painted lifetime on the side of it. Anyway, fast forward to about a, you know, two or three years after this, um, half.

happened. And I was, I was, I was offered positions at A&E. A&E tried to make me sign something saying that I relinquish ownership of the, the podcast that I also did. So I was like, I don't want to sign over every creative endeavor to a corporate entity. And, but they did offer me positions in Connecticut. I could have pursued. But I instead, I took the severance. And that was, I, but, but, but, but, but, I was fired before they offered me other positions in Connecticut. They first fired me in a conference room with a bunch of other people. And it was one of these scenarios where it was like, all right, all these people on this email,

go to conference room one. All these people on this email go to conference room two. Oh, I'm conference room one. Hey, I'm number one. I get there and they fucking let everyone go at once. They're not even individualizing it. My bosses didn't know I got fired. Wow

Jesus Christ And then Oh like a woman broke down crying in it And I just got up And left Because I had a

Reno Romano session to go to You don't want to leave Reno waiting Well I'm just wondering If somebody was just like Oh Jeff You should go to

A conference room one You should have read That email more clearly Buddy You're in the wrong No yeah You do not keep your job You've lost it

Look look We've been working On the firing robots They're not ready yet We've been trying With them out And I have to do it I guess.

So, yeah, we just get you all done at once. So the moral of the story is A&E sucks. And unless they want to develop a show with us. Well, sure. Then they're great. Until then, they suck shit. Exactly. And, you know, so we thought, let's pick a real fucking wild one to kick off this new series.

So we're talking about the OG stalked by my doctor from 2015. Ha ha, written and directed by Doug Campbell. How was it? Because this is all you, man. How did you first come to this franchise, et cetera? Well, my wife and I just watch Lifetime movies pretty much on the reg. Not all the time.

You know, probably average about two a month, maybe. Do you guys know, do you know, like, when new ones are coming out that you get excited for? Is it just like the backlog? Well, usually when you're watching one, there's a commercial for another one. Hey, that looks pretty good. Oh, so you're watching these like on broadcast television.

Absolutely, man. Wow. What else am I doing? Wait, wait, see, did you say two a week? No, to a month. Okay. Two to three a month. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was going to say, that's like eating fucking, like, McDonald's twice a week. That's just not good. It's not? For your soul. For your soul in general. It looks like we all have our vices, huh? Sure. But this one was, yeah, this one, it stands out because you've got a star performance from Eric Roberts.

And it's a little different in certain ways. from their normal thrillers. Not a body count, though, which is kind of a bummer. Usually they get like one nosy friend that either doesn't usually die. They usually get like in a coma, but not even that. Well, to this movie's credit, he steals a fucking corpse and burns it in a car. That's also very true. And Eric Robertsman is fucking trying in this movie.

I think he's kind of good. He's good. He holds my attention and he's doing, he does a lot of like these. freak out things it's it's not it's it's almost nicholas cagey in but like not that good well it's on the cheap like eric roberts is now like if you want to add french fries to your order on seamless that's how you get it like whatever that's how you get eric roberts is like if you're doing a contract and you're like doing like you're doing the casting contract and like hey do you want eric roberts it's like 5,000 bucks you just add it on to the end of it like you know

paul thomas anderson he'll do that paul thomas anderson's putting Eric Roberts in a movie, that's what you're saying? Yeah, inherit a vice. He's really good in a hair face. Oh, fuck, that's right. I completely forgot about that. I do, I really don't associate this dude with being in real movies. Really? He's in that dark, he's in the dark night,

you know, he gets dropped from that thing. Pope of Granite Village. That's a good movie. Star 80. Star 80 is a fantastic movie. Well, there was some controversy. Like his career took a tumble because he was what was he? Like hitting people or something that sounds about right

I don't remember what yeah I'm not saying he's a great guy let me pull it up I think he was he hit his wife I think there was that he was also he was an act for a while also don't forget of best of the best two previous episode oh sure when he's got that great line oh yeah god damn job

is he in all those best of the best he's in the first two yeah and then I think another dude takes so it takes the reins there and that's not the one where Chris Penn comes in for him Chris Chris Penn's in two yeah oh okay

he perishes wildly I think he had a lot of bad press in like late 80s 90s or some such oh and also just going down his his IMDB the cable guy he was great in that as himself playing a role in like a movie like this yes circle

Jesus that's what that's that Menendez brother's brother sweet brother movie in the world of the cable guy yeah oh man I gotta go back to that Tommy please put down the gun Tommy please I love

your brother put down the gun I'm gonna post a picture in the chat from his IMDB which I guess is promotional but I don't know what this movie is that is him at home dude it's a picture of Eric Roberts with glasses on, an enormous silver gun.

The fakedest gun I've ever seen in my life. It's a promotional picture for a movie called Skin Traffic, also from 2015. Skin traffic was spelled with a K, by the way, traffic. That's actually interesting because one of my thoughts watching this movie was, wow, this doctor stalking people. Usually doctors utilize the robust human trafficking network in this country to get their thrills. Yes. Actually, I'm looking at this IMDB page. now and I you know we're not going to turn this into the gang reads IMDB but cast of skin

traffic Mickey Rourke Eric Roberts Daryl Hannah Michael Madsen Dominique Swain and Jeff motherfucking baby man the gang's all here to be a fly on that wall seriously ooh I would look to be a fly on that wall I will never watch the movie no there you go I want to be I want to be a craft services for 15 minutes and then I bans. Let's, we start with Dr. Albert Beck waiting for a date

in a fancy restaurant and it doesn't go as, she, he gets a phone call and I guess it's been it was like a Tinder situation, more than likely like a e-harmonie or match.com thing. Yeah, it sounds like an e-harmony or a match.com type of thing, but it also sounds combined with Facebook

since they use Facebook terminology throughout this movie. That's what I think they're switching back and forth. Like I think they are friends on Facebook and that's what she's referencing with the wall but also but they met on a website I would wager I would wager

because these are like you know sort of movies but not really oh no certainly not what they're doing here is this is a fake platform where everything is it's on the same thing Chris and it's a dating platform

where you got walls and you got direct messages and you're friending people whatever the fuck. Oh yeah. I mean, I understand. All these are made by like AI algorithms at this point. They just shit them out at this point. And they're just like, yes, post a 165 word on my wall on a twit book.

Twit book. Yeah, you know, on that twit book or what? The thing here, I was not really clear about, had they gone on one date already? and this woman was like not feeling it because she's like I just don't think we're a good match or something like that or is it like a I'm having second thoughts about a first date situation

it sounded like they might have something something they might have gotten coffee maybe coffee yeah it definitely sounds like they had like a successful day date and then this guy just fucking I don't know what his deal is how can you get this old and be so stupid

exactly you know he's Eric Roberts he's a good looking guy for the most part You know, depending on what you're, what you're into, horse faces, sure. I mean, he's a good looking guy. And then, like, when he opens his mouth in this movie, it's like a fucking donkey starts. Like, it's like, he just says the dumbest. Like, they have this. I mean, he's got to be what?

In his 60s at least, right? Oh, yeah. Like, they have him saying shit as if it's, like, coming out of the mouth of, like, a 15-year-old in-sell. And I'm, like, I'm smacking my fucking head. It just doesn't fit. The words don't fit what's coming out of the body. It's very weird.

He was 59 when this movie came out. Okay. He's not like, there's no, it's weird. There is no like Nurse Jackie, a pill addiction thread. Yes. And this one, you would think there would be because he acts like he's on pills all the time. Or a Coke. I was expecting him.

I just got to go to the bathroom and blow some rails. Why won't you love me? The biggest drug of all is the ladies. That's true. It's true. But it's weird. because, like, you can't even say that he's, like, a sex addict because he's never getting laid.

You should at least have, like, a prostitute problem. Exactly. Yep. I think, like, you spiral that into sex addiction, and that's why he's masturbating in beds and fucking, you know, kidnapping women. I mean, yeah, I guess that's true. You could make your way there to the argument, sure. That old excuse never worked for me.

That's right. This, by the way, great quality here at the Fishkill Correctional Facility. that's where you're housed up now yeah I get out in a couple weeks that's awesome dude I'm excited about it

so I was you know first of all here's the thing I found this to be the most uncomfortable hour and a half I've had watching a movie in a really long time

also though the most like laugh out loud just laughing at this movie not with it him freaking out when the woman is like look I'm blocking you on

platform get fucked he leaves this restaurant and he's driving and it's just like you see the spenometer just going going going he crosses like a hundred miles an hour and he just starts screaming and then the credits start going i was pissing my pants laughing well this has one of those this is a famous problem with a lot of movies like this whenever eric roberts is on screen you're like please stop oh my god oh jesus christ please stop and then when he's off screen is like, I need air. Where is anything happening? Then you got the dead face brigade who we meet right now, which is Sophie and her friends

while her boyfriend is playing soccer. Ryan, there's always a Ryan, there's always a Sophie. It really is. Enough already. Oh yeah, and they are like dead face, dead-eyed. And it's like, I thought the doctor is going to be treating them all for their prior strokes. This kid playing Ryan has a hilarious name. The actor's name is Carson Boatman.

Of course it is. That's about as fucking white as it gets. Well, when his grandfather came down, I was actually a yachtman, but he changed it to Boatman. Here's my thing. We all like a good chuckle at a fake website, your Twitter book or whatever.

I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking simp for fake colleges. And Wittendale College really made me, laugh last night. Oh my God, baby, you got into Wittendale. And of course we get the fake out, like, who would play a little prank on her. You didn't get it.

Oh, no, you did. Dude, you got in. Right? Like, this is a massive, you know what? We're not fucking friends anymore. Yeah. Because this girl, Sophie, is like, oh, I, you know, I haven't had a chance to read this college acceptance letter.

Could you read it for me? Uh, other friend, Caitlin. And this girl's like, yeah, sure. And she does the whole, like, we regret to inform you. You're about to have the best four years. And I was like, kiss my fucking hairy ass, dude. No way. Why would you do that to a friend?

Like, it's the cruelest fucking prank. Well, the thing is, like, I think a lot of people are just trash. And they have, like, trash people they hang out with it. And then you go, like, we're going to trash each other. Yeah, and other people enjoy having power over you. So they want to, like, enjoy your misery because they caused it. Yes. They're just as bad as the doctor.

So to celebrate, Ryan is taking her out on a nice, like, high school date. They're driving, and he is getting texted by this quote-unquote recruiter, maybe for Wittendale or maybe for Brockton College possibly. Well, I'd hope Wittendale, but with his grades, it might be Brockton. Oh, I don't know, Ryan. I don't think you're really. Wittendale material might be more of a Brockton, man. Oh, no, he got into Shipmore.

ship for I am a fan of fake call it. Oh no, he was rejected by Johnson Tech. Jameson Barry, it is, my friend. Now, Steve, let me ask you this, because this is where we get, like the teensiest bit of a message movie situation here. How often are these craziest balls movies also having the audacity to dip in an after-school special thread? Not often. This was kind of interesting. It was kind of surprising. But like my question is like this dude like is getting texts at like nine o'clock at night from some recruiter.

I don't know, man. If you want to get into Whittendale, you got to meet me right now kind of. Totally. Got to come to the fucking four logs motels. The after school like special vibe of like showing this texting while driving is a problem. I bet there's probably like some texting leads to murder movie that we haven't uncovered yet because a lot of these old, at least the old Lifetime movies really read like PSAs, obviously cyber seduction. The fear of technology, yeah, totally.

Lifetime movies are really like it's like exploitation movies for people who get their political opinions from the view. Yeah, no, exactly. Oh, wow, that's bone-chillingly accurate as to what these movies are. Because it is outrageous, like all this is outrageous,

but it is in such a lame way. Yeah. It's really, it's strange. It's not going to go hard it's it gives you that that scare while at the same time being kind of comforting at the same time yeah exactly it never gets too extreme you never gets too i will say there this movie does get a little capital s sexy because it's something for the dads out there there's definitely this this news trend in lifetime movies where it's like dads are going to be watching this let's show some skin and i'm like i don't know isn't this not for them question mark you know we got we have

to get skin back in the movies somewhere and for some reason it's showing up here and I am, you know, I'm okay with it. It's for, it's made for mothers who are always worried that they're like, anytime that they don't get a text from their kid, they think they're dead.

Yeah. Like, it's that type. So why would you play to a completely opposite type that dad is like, yeah, well, he's in the room, dude. I guess, but like, he doesn't care. He's like, he's on his phone. Yeah, he's brooding, right? He's silent. Like, I'm drinking a beer slowly over the course of two hours.

Commenting something absolutely insane on some, like, 18-year-old girl's TikTok page or something. Oh, dude. I'm going to reply to her, Trump, 2020. Wow, hey, nice, sexy TikTok dancing. Hashtag Trump 2020. You want to see my TikTok? Dik-Tock. Yeah, that's right.

I'm the kind of guy who's still putting hashtag Trump 2020 in fucking 2021 internet messages because I'm that much of a fucking deranged loser. Oh, I see you're drinking Capri Sun. What flavor is that? My flavor is pineapple surprise. Oh, you're so hilarious and so beautiful. That is how it is like at the DMV.

also I love you We've never met or spoken But I refer to you as my sunshine Every morning Are you planning any trips to Topeka soon? Oh wait This movie my dumb wife Is playing is giving me some good ideas

Do you have any red lingerie? You know, maybe I could buy some for you Yeah, maybe I could give it to you at our date At Red Lobster Yeah, you're, oh, you're only 18 Hut. You know I make $43,000 a year sounds like a lot. Sexy TikTok, sunshine. Hey, nice new dance video, girlfriend.

Where we are, Steve, is they get in a massive car accident. This is motherfuckers texting while driving. we are introduced back to Eric Roberts in the workplace where he is browsing this dating site in the office and the fucking like chief nurse comes in and he does the move the monitor I'm working I'm working I'm working working my fucking cranked yeah operating on my ding dong right now that is a meeting that you don't want to have afterwards which is like so um so Sharon came in and you move the monitor real quick huh what was going on

on there last night you know i i saw before he moved it and it was just like pictures of girls and shirts wasn't even i was expecting like porn hub stuff it was just like ladies and nice like blouses by the way the one thing i've the one great thing about lifetime offices for some reason a bunch of people i worked with uh and this is the only place i've ever seen this and i worked in tons and tons of cubicles throughout my life but the people who at lifetime we're putting up like fucking like bicycle mirrors and shit like I'll see if someone walks behind me. Wow.

I respect it dude. Yeah. And they're just like that's just how it was and like everyone got one and I got one. I'm like yeah man no one's sneaking up. I like that. I like that man. Totally. So you get into the fucking creepitude right away because as this girl is bleeding out on the

table with a part of her ribs sticking into her heart ventricle Eric Roberts is like oh hello there. Sophie, let me ask you a couple questions. When you got in that car accident, did you lose consciousness at any point? And she's like, no.

And he goes, oh, okay, great. Now, a follow-up question, do you like sushi? And isn't it like, because she's like, yeah, why? Does he say, like, well, after all this is done, we're going to go out and get a nice big boat of sushi or something. Like, don't ask me out when I'm bleeding to death. I mean, I guess it's sort of like,

it's almost sweet where it's like, you get out of here you're going to have your favorite meal somewhere but it's also like on a date with me yeah that's exactly right yeah at the start it's like we're being distracted like don't worry about your blood right now just you know you're going to get through this listen where you're going to go out you're going to go out to dinner again which i would love for someone to sit me down right now during this covid apocalypse and be like no no no you're going to be able to go to a restaurant again today you're going to be okay sing the fucking words we're going to get some sushi he uh so he you know he puts her under he like and then he like sort of touches her face a lot before

we cut which is a lot of face touching we cut to Ryan and the dad her dad who is my favorite kind of character this guy sucks he is ferociously wrong and very loud and just like in every instance he's going to say the absolute worst thing you're like what and he's like yeah yeah it is so insane because everyone's like this doctor's a creep we should go to another doctor no he hasn't done it yet hey let's you know what let's just go down to his office and we're going to get his side of the story shut up daughter we're going to get his side of the story and you're just like what it's like it's so bad it's it's like you almost i mean everything that this guy says in this movie is so wrong and so unbelievable that it like takes you out of the

movie and you're just like, really? You wrote the character to say that? You wanted him to be that wrong? That unlikable? Oh, my God. Listen, listen. Listen, Adrian, listen, listen, listen. I know, I know what it sounds like, but he said he might get us into the country club. Okay? So he, if we could just

hold this out, maybe our daughter dies. Maybe our daughter dies. But our social life will live. We don't have to buy a pool for the backyard. We can go to that pool. This guy says a lot shit like well guys will be guys with a 59 year old

is trying to fuck my 18 year old daughter and I he's he's the type of character that's in this for like you know the women watch and be like see that's what look at these guys yeah exactly this piece of shit and he's right I mean they're right about him

oh they're right about him rather he throws Ryan's cell phone he's like last time you last time it was a fender bender this time you almost kill my little girl and he throws this kid's cell phone in the hazardous waste thing yeah you're not getting that back because there's all sorts of gunk all over it now that's what i liked about uh this hell you know the stock by the doctor system is there's symbolism in it there's symbolism in and making a high i'm eric robbers by the way i like this

impression it's kind of like a like a more saliva low-key Gary Busey in a way. Because he's got, he's got a little bit of something, a little something out there. Well, because they're, him and, him and Jules are, you know, they're southern folks. So he does, he kind of has the Gary Busey thing a little bit, but it's like, without the motorcycle accident. And you kind of just slow it down a little bit.

And he's maybe just a little bit deeper than Gary Busey's voice. That's, that's the funny thing. thing is he started at a young age, he had the car act, the motorcycle accident in the voice and he lost it as he got older. Like what's... Reverse. Pope of Greenwich Village, he's like

how are there? How are you doing? Yes, he's kind of going to go, come on, Mickey, they're going to take my thumbs. Like that kind of shit. You know, I've never seen Pope of Greenwich Village. It's pretty good. It's not great. You know, you know, I have not either. I've always danced around it and I need to take

the plunge. Mickey Rourke plays one of the greatest pieces of shit you will ever watch in that movie. My God. That's awesome. So he heals her up. Um, and while she's in, you know, the parents show up, you know, they're excited. Uh, while she's out, he decides to come into her, uh, bedroom, her, uh, hospital room. Yeah. And I don't know, man, if I'm one of the nurses on duty, I'm a big fan of no closed doors. How about that? We're not, how about we leave them doors wide open. We do not close doors at this hospital because he comes in and he like she's totally out and he kisses her a bunch and just want to kiss my beautiful angel here dude not only does he kiss her he gets on top of her like

on top like on the bed and he's making out with this drugged unconscious girl and you're just like someone open that door immediately you know where i find real sexy is i find it really sexy when And they're, you know, it's all just wet, clammy, sweat, and they're barely clinging to life. I like to kiss something that's, you know, not there, you know, just nothingness. I like to kiss nothing. I used to kiss roadkill because you couldn't fight back, and now I'm kissing my patience. Some people like to put on Barry White that gets them going. I like the metronome of life support.

That gets my cock pretty hard. Because, you know, while the metronome of the life support's going, beep, beep, beep, my dick's going, dong, dong, dong, don't. I pull the cord when I climb action, and I get that, that little death line. Actually, I got one at home, and I have a prostitute to take knack wheel in front of me. Oh, dude, one of those guys. Oh, Jesus, man. there is a fucking hilarious moment here where

he goes to tell the parents that they can come see her and everything and he goes out the pause between him approaching the parents and like stopping walking to when he says she's going to be fine is way too long

for a medical professional to be delivering good news in a bad situation Yeah don't be like stone faced until they have a big smile I'll be like, it's all okay, everybody. Dude, you got to come around that corner, like, goddamn Michigan J. Frog.

Dude, hello, my baby. Your daughter's fine. It is, it's kind of like a way worse version of the friend fucking her over with the acceptance letter reading. Yes, yeah, exactly. Everyone seems, a lot of a lot of underhanded stuff going on in this doctor universe.

A lot of cruel teasing. Well, you know, I guess maybe in this universe, punked, is still on the air. Oh, that could be. Yeah, people loved, people loved pranks in like the mid to late aughts. People do again, right? I've never seen a second of impractical jokers. Don't tell me to watch it.

But from my understanding, that's also like, ha, ha, got you. Just pranks and like hidden camera shit, man. I just, it's not for me. You look dumb. so like she's talking to the parents and whatnot and like this is after the dad has had uh you know some some words with ryan and uh our heroin here's sophie she's like oh hey mom did ryan stop by oh no and she's like oh i don't think so hon he you know his legs broke and he went

home with his parents and she's like oh that's weird i thought i had this memory of him kissing me You're like, no! It was like him, but like he was a washed up 80 star kind of a thing. No, that couldn't have been in. I definitely smelled Meta Musil. It was either like him or Tom Berringer possibly. Or like Mr. Ed maybe was kissing me at. Would Ryan be, I know this sounds weird, but would Ryan be using Preparation H?

Because I swear, I swear I had to smell. in my... She knows the smell of preparation. She has a dad who's fucking getting up there. Come on. Yeah, that's right. Sunshine. Oh, wait, hold on.

I got to apply my lotion. There is, oh, man, when is it? I think it's in one of these scenes when she's still at the hospital where he is used... Oh, no, that's right. Later he comes in, the doctor comes in to reapply ointment on her scar. Oh, man. It is so... You know, I was already

enshrined you. It's a, yeah, he's like applying it to like, you know, it's like Bassetres and you got to do that for a scar or whatever. He's like, I'm going to be so hideous for a scar. He's like, no, you won't sweetheart. And it's fucked up

because she's like, oh, well, the nurse just reapplied my ointment like an hour ago. And he's like, oh, don't worry about that, sunshine. Because this is my extra special strength medication. He makes some of, like, bullshit lineup so you can just, like, rub her. And you're like, oh, my God, what am I watching?

What am I watching? Yeah, just that the big close-up on the glob of it going over. The globs is a lot. This was actually, this is right after that, one of his unsuccessful dates. I think that scene is sandwich between these two. Yeah, you're right.

Dude, date number two, the explosion. This is insane because he seems to be doing, doing so well on this date with this lady, a new lady. This is how well he's doing, dude. This is how well he's doing. He has been able to convert a day date into dinner at night

in the same day. And she she's eating it up. She loves this guy and he doesn't know how to fucking pump a break. It's insane. Because he's like, oh, yeah. You want to see my retirement home? She's like, oh, that's really sweet. And you'll live there with me.

and have babies would you quit your job or you come down with me now I'm gonna I'm just gonna get on my knee here and I'm gonna miss you for an ankle monitor we're getting married and you can't leave

it's and she's like she's trying to give him out it's like he's like she's like oh you know I really like my job's like well you won't have time with the children and it's like come on dude just take the room

have a good date go home sleep And be, fuck, I don't know, be normal in some, I mean. Have a nice date, go home, jerk off to whatever insane tab nonsense that you do every night. And then call her the next day and just like, let it ride. And that's why, again, like, it's just, it's so, this character is so unbelievable to me that he can, like, go from 50-year-old, like, chief cardiologist at this California hospital. And then when he just gets on dinner dates with women, just reverts to, like, a 13-year-old. Not only that, I just remembered.

He's also on like some presidential cardiologist task force, and it's 2015. So, yep, Dr. Albert Beck, one of the leading in the field of touching girls. Well, what can I tell you? I had senioritis, so I put him on it. Dr. Beck, that was a bad call on my part. Turned out to be a real creep. I'm going to skip class today and go have a wild adventure with my friend. friends in downtown Chicago.

Huh. Maybe we drive the car backwards, put the miles back on it. My good buddy really hates his dad. We're going to have to talk it out. What's a Joe Biden impression? Because his dad loved to drive cars, right? So it would be his dad's car. Oh, geez. Oh, geez.

You know, oh, man. back back to the day when a bumper car was a student baker we put the bumper car we we wrote it backwards see and now i'm just doing eric roberts again it was it was it was a bumper car yeah and you could my dad would go to work every day at the factory right you understand what i'm saying you know what's going on we're americans we can get through this together we're going to drive bumper cars to work at the factory because we're americans and that's what americans can do My dad pushes me around. My dad, my father, I act like a dog-faced pony soldier.

Joe, you know, life comes at you pretty fast. Were you looking at Michelle while she was changing? Oh, Joe? Excuse me, but I'm going to, I'm coming after you, Obama. You've been absent nine times. I'm going to find you. Better upload a fake birth certificate via my new computer. It's a real birthday.

Trump and Jeffrey Jones, both loving the youngans. Grace, Grace, I'm looking at his birth certificate right now. And it says, Kenya, Kenya. It's changing what is going on. Come on, man. You can't be using, you can't be using the computer to change your grades. Come on. That's it.

That's it. that's Biden. You got to, it's a little high and it's a little older. Hey, look, you know, we're only, we're only a few months into this administration, you know, we're working on it. Yeah. We're working on. Uh, we're workshopping it. I'm a friend of you on Facebook. She goes home. Uh, she tries to reconcile with Ryan. Ryan, I guess, aside from just being a dingus is just like, I ruined you baby. I can't, well, hey, he, he blew his soccer scholarship. Yeah, no more soccer, dude. Because he says, um, The doctor said that he's never going to run at full speed again. Nice. Also like, damn, dude, there goes your career of attending a soccer game three times. Like, soccer, I know it's a thing, but in these United States, it's like, oh, I'm a soccer athlete. Okay. I hope Melrose plays gets rebooted for you.

Yeah, totally. Or else get ready to get coaching. I do want to point out though Because this is after she's left the hospital There is the moment The only intelligent character in this movie Is the mother Who like they're leaving the hospital

And like Eric Roberts walks them out And she's like, bye doctor Beck And like hugs him And the mother I mean they do such a great job telegraphing this It's like so obvious and hilarious But like the mother does like a bull Like bug-eyed look

And he's got his hands like on her back and whatnot, and she's just like, what was he doing? Yeah. You know, and I'm like, oh, this mom gets it from the jump, man, and everyone's going to think she's fucking crazy. And look what happens. You got to do the Keanu hug, man, like a real light top on the shoulder. Shoulders only, my friend, and then you're out of there.

Yep. Or just, like, raise your arms out like Jesus or something in front of this mother, you know. Yeah, it's just, it's just fucking disgusting. But then the mom is like, oh, you know, maybe. you shouldn't wear this kind of an outfit around your doctor. And it's like, I don't know. That's a little, you know, mom's going a little bit off the rails there. See, honey, honey, honey, honey, it's your fault.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I told you guys will be guys. So, yeah, Ryan is like, they're like kind of on the outs a little bit. Like he's playing Halo and she's like not having it. And there's this thing where like they try to have sex, but then he like touches or I'm getting way ahead of myself. Yeah. So there's like a dream that he has.

There's a lot in this movie of him having these like fantasy sequences. And I think this, it's like fantasy sequences. And there's also moments where you hear him just like hearing voices. Because there's this great moment where he's walking down the hallway kind of like he's in slow motion but everyone else isn't. And like he's fantasizing her saying like, I just love you, Dr. Beck. like weird shit like that but then yeah there's this moment where you know it's no more soccer

they kind of a fight she's like all right I'm gonna leave now you play your game little texting while driving baby and then it cuts to his house and she comes he comes downstairs to answer the door and she's there and it's like oh I didn't know where else to go and he's like oh I won't tell

and everything and then you it like it cuts back and like he's at the top of the stairs and no one has knocked on the door or anything and you're like Oh, cool. So now he's going to be having salacious fantasies about this girl. Oh, I love a kissy dream. Oh, yeah. I love to kiss a dream. I love a kiss on the mouth of dream and a kiss on the cheek dream. I love it.

You know, there's an accomplice in this movie, I feel, that goes uncredited here. But this head nurse is a little much for my taste. Like, she comes up to him and is like, at one point, like, oh, you know, doctor, you know, Sophie's here. for her, you know, week later checkup or whatever, and he's like, oh, that's really cool, thanks so much. And then, like, he fucking uses bonaca on his mouth really quickly. Like, if you're that nurse,

like, hey, so I told you that a 17-year-old girl was here for a checkup, and you said, thank you and applied bonaca to your mouth. Why? I may be asking in general, why do you have bonaca?

Yeah, why are you bringing binocca to work? Maybe just like, I know like there's like those little cups of Listerine around. Come on. Or just a mint. I mean, Benaka. Benaka is specifically, I'm going to be playing some fucking tongue twister later. That's what Benaka is for. Note to self.

Get Benaka. Anyway, you're right because like you would think after working with this guy for so long, you know that he's a fucking freak. Exactly. He's like a walking fucking weirdo here. Like, yeah, he's never hit on some nurse at the fucking hospital, some other doctor. Like, what do we go on a date? Oh, you bitch, you a bitch.

Right. I don't know if we got to that point in that first date where he starts, he yells at this woman that she's a fat-ass bitch that could go to hell. Oh, yeah. Because she didn't want to get married on the first date. She could go to hell. She was giving him fuck me eyes. And he was like, how about marriage?

Dude, and the craziest part about that, the craziest part about that, right? before that freak out, though, the single most fucking pathetic thing I've ever seen in any of these kinds of movies is he's like, all right, can you just sit down for just one quick second? Can you just tell me what I did wrong? And it's just like,

come on, you fucking loser, oh my God. And she runs out of the restaurant, yeah, he's like slamming the top of her car, and he's like, I've got a young girl at a hospital that is in love with me. Oh, right. And then he says that he's unfriending her.

Oh, yeah. But you know, the point about, he's very funny. The point with the nurse thought, it's like if he can have like a normal relationship with a female colleague, which seemingly that's what is going on there, they seem to be getting along fine and it's not weird. I just don't understand what his problem is.

Well, she gave me a weird look when I told her I need to put some cologne on before going to see my patient. I don't see what's wrong with that So Sophie is very grateful You know she was close to death This guy saved her life So she wrote She finds out from one of the nurses

That she did die in the table And he brought her back And all this stuff And so she gives him A note not to read in front of her Because it's so embarrassing And a cute little teddy bear And dude

He is tugging it to this teddy bear In like six minutes You know it Oh yeah He went into that office After he got that teddy bear and you fucking came on it. He absolutely did.

There's no doubt about it. Hey, Mr. Bear, you smell like Sophie. I must be the puppet master because I just cut some ropes. Sophie, can you tell Sophie, can you tell me where you got this bear? I'm going to need a few

replacements. And Sophie, let's say I accidentally poked a hole in this bear. Where would I get another bear that I could hopefully not poke as many holes in? Sophie, I had to take that bear's eyes at because who out was, because who is looking

at me when I was doing stuff. Oh, hey there, Mr. Bear. Let's just take a look at the tag on your little beyond. Oh, good. Washing machine saved. The bear is just like, you know, every 91% chance I was going to be an Easter present. And of course, I got to go to this fucking guy.

You know, most times I would just get cummed on. Now I'm being came in. I don't like that. I don't like that. this is no way for a teddy better live oh yeah I was being real rough I mean my dog was being real rough with it

yeah I'm blaming on the dog dude he's getting his yeah he's getting his dog to fuck it too and the crazy thing about that note I mean you know the note is red and it's very nice until like the end of it where it's like and this is where he is kind of seeing like the fucking

checkered flag being waved here he's like she ends the note with my Heart truly belongs to you. Love Sophie. And he's like, green light. So he follows her home and teddy bear on this dashboard, by the way. Yeah, you can't have the teddy bear on the dash. Yeah, it sticks there naturally.

Don't even need no suction cups. I put it down. It's like super glue. He follows her and Caitlin to some food court, which looks, I don't know if you guys remember the picture. exactly the food court George Lucas was having that Chinese food in Oh maybe

The Galleria Dude it might have been Can you keep it down I'm trying to read The New York Times over here Hey I didn't want to say nothing But that doctor's a real fucking creep

Sophie What do you think about Star Wars by the way Oh yeah You're really into carrot cake Me too Anakin Skywalker And those prequels

Has about as much character as Eric Roberts in this movie. Absolutely. And dude, and the whole like, okay, here's the thing. You know, and this is not a, this is her fault at all. But here's just a move, a general like rule of thumb

in social situations, especially, you know, we're venturing out back into the world. We're slowly opening back up with the vaccine coming and everything. Now here's the deal. If you see someone like a doctor, you know, a dentist, or your banker or some shit in a mall food court

you do not yell out and wave that person down. Yeah, you can't. Because she's just like, oh, Dr. Beck, you're getting Penda Express too. I once saw my dentist at a flea market and like we both recognized each other. We just like

averted eyes. Like, dude, we are at the flea market. I don't need this. That's right, because you don't want it and they don't want it. So don't say high. You don't have to say hi to Tom Dick and Harry in the food court. Stop saying hi. I went, I went stagged to Manchester by the sea.

Is this, is this you or Dr. Beck? This is me, just going solo to Manchester by the sea. Just a dude on a snowy January day. You saw it seven times in a row. And behind me was my doctor and her boyfriend. And I'm just like grabbing all this popcorn and soda. And she's like telling me to watch. Watch it with the food.

Really? No, no, no, no, no, wait a second. Not then, not then, but in previous checkups, it's like, you should work out more. You should do this. And I'm like, here I'm both the world's largest popcorn. And soda, by myself, seeing Manchester by the sea. Dude, the next time you saw her was she like, so Steve, do you like the movie? And you're like, yeah, it's all right.

And she's like, do you like those two trips to the concession? I was watching you kill yourself in real time. Let me ask you, Steve, did it feel okay eating sugar while he was, you know, talking about the burning house? Like, popping a starburst in your mouth while he's crying like that. Yeah, by the way, Steve, what did you get for that movie? Because some movies are concession stand movies and some are not. It was just a small popcorn in the soda? Okay.

Was it? Yeah, yeah. I'm not a candy man. I'm not a candy man. That's true. You actually, you've told me you don't have a sweet tooth. I don't. that's fucking crazy

I mean sometimes I get the hot dog and thank God that day I did not get the hot dog see so that's the thing like I feel like if you're in for like a very you know heart demolishing family drama like Manchester by the sea it is popcorn

and soda and you cannot stray from that path no hot dogs no nachos definitely no fucking candy man you cannot just be eating candy watch of that movie I don't know heart demolishing heart demolishing heart demolishing it goes in

man it's pretty good right maybe was I was I getting stalked by my doctor possibly oh shit

yeah you were was she like was she like Steve we saved you a seat you just don't remember it because she's a better doctor so she knows

the right amount of chloroform to put over your face hey Steve I hope that's a diet Coke because she so he

And, like, he sits her down, he sits down with them and he's like, I just love the carrot cake here. And she's like, yeah, us too. And he's like, hey, Caitlin. And he pulls out a fucking $50 bill. And it's like, crisp as a winter's morning, dude. Why don't you go get us all some carrot cake? And she does. And she's like, wow, Dr. Beck, $50.

I'm 17, you know. Yeah. And then this is where, I mean, this, this right here. is where it all has to end. Because they're talking while the friend is going to get $8 worth of carrot cake with a $50 bill. And he's like, oh, I just wanted to thank you for the nice note and teddy bear that you got me. It's just so nice. Oh, it meant a lot to me.

And he like rubs her finger. That's the end of it, dude. That is the fucking end of it right there. I'm getting up, going to the friend and being like, take that dude's $50 and we're getting out of here right now. She recoils and then he's like, you know I'm actually going to the movies after this. She

in Manchester by the sea. He's like just going to the movies. I have this. Interested. And he even says like only you, not Caitlin. And it's like, dude, you've got to at least pretend it's a group outing. Oh, man. Yeah. And she

you know, chokes down vomit and then is like no, you know, you know, we got to go and whatever. And we have a, this is, again, I, fuck, dude, he was like watching an old Kinnison special. I was just laughing so hard. Like, he's going on and on, lumbering around the streets of Los Angeles,

freaking out, beating up garbage cans, screaming, I am a doctor. I am a doctor. This is the part that reminded me of vampire's kiss with the, I'm a vampire, I'm a vampire, because it's just such an epic. freak out. I mean, come out, what would you do? You try to ask this baby out, and you know, and

it doesn't go the way you want to? I don't do that, but I do a frequent bouts of where I start screaming. I'm a podcaster as I fucking fall down into trash. It is, and this is what she goes back, she tells the mom, and the mom, we're having a family meeting about this, which makes a lot of sense

and she's like, I don't know, like, you know, he seems like he might have even followed her to this, to the mall. and, you know, this, that, and the other thing, we need to get a new doctor. The guy's like, huh, he's the best doctor in the country. We're not going to do better than him. You know what?

And guys are just going to be guys. Doctors, listen, you're a very pretty girl, Sophie. You've got to get used to doctors hitting on you all the time. Yeah. That's what happens. Doctors just hit on people all the time. You just have to, you know what? It's not their fault.

You have to think about a threat of sexual violence every single day. They're right to think it. But you have to be cautious. Listen, Sophie, you know, Daddy got in on the Doc's poker game. And I'm down a little bit and technically he owns you now. I don't know what else to tell you. Yeah, exactly. I told him it was cool.

I put the keys to my little girl on the table during that poker game. Coincidentally, I've also lost our house. No, no, no, no. You had a college fun. You definitely had one. the dad goes to see him and it is fucking hilarious because he's like

Dr. Beck I mean my crazy daughter has all these wild ideas about you asked her to the movies and this is one of the funniest things in this movie again it might as well have been

I had Caddyshack on because he's like he's like well I think your daughter's getting it a little bit twisted there fella because I told her I was going to see

the new German film. New German film is what he says. And then it's like, oh, I guess she just assumed that that was an invite, sorry, your daughter's a fucking moron. That's right, I'm going to see the new Christian Petsold movie. It's called Undine.

Have you seen it? It's about mermaids. But then he uses the bear and the note against her because he's like, listen, people fall in love with their patients all the time and my co-workers have seen it a lot so here just here's a bear

that she gave me the holes in it were there when she gave it to me and then here's this note that I think you might want to read and he the best part is reads the note he's like you might be right doctor and then he's like can I have the note bag

yeah and he says I'm the best surgeon money can buy you need me so it's this insane trap of like your daughter might need heart surgery again and if that happens I'm your guy so listen you just got to let all this fucking finger tickling continue here because I'm the best money can buy because I'm a gentleman I'm not going to bring out the IOU so but I am going to break into your house while you go run errand that's the craziest part he does break you and this is a thing

if you're going to break into someone's house and do like you know a full scale Panty Raid. You got to be in and out in five minutes. Yep. Yep. You are not taking your shoes off. A. number one. Dude, the shoes off. I fucking love that. Like he, because he's like sniffing her comforter. The sniffing of the dolls is like the creepiest

thing I've ever seen. Also, way to go. 17 year old girl in your fucking creepy ass extensive doll collection. I think she's supposed to be 18. At least, I think they say that at the end. Oh, is that right? At least there's that. It's cool, dude.

Actually, it's cool. I'm going to presume the best. I'm going to hope that she's trying to train an army of living dolls to attack her enemies. Sure. That's what I'm hoping. That's what I'm hoping. I think like the preparations for the backyard funeral is when they say she's 18. Oh, got it.

With backyard wrestling is coming back? Backyard funeral's coming back. Absolutely. It's all open air. Dude, you're good to go. That's right. That's right. Dude,

yeah, but also precautions we're having a backyard. Now, I know, this is, uh, oh man,

you're going to have like a DIY coffin craze. Like, make your own coffin. Oh, yeah, dude. Why spend all that money on all that polish and all the extra wood,

the fancy wood from California? Chris, there was literally a story I saw the other day about fun coffins that are, that are, that are people on, unveiling. Like what do they have, like adventure type characters on them or what?

No, you could be buried in a, talking hot dog now. Oh, Jesus H. Christ. Hot dog coffin. Is that right? Mm-hmm. You got a link to that? I'm trying to find it. Maybe this was one of my fantasy.

Oh, man. I wish I was buried in a hot dog coffin. Oh, that's a sweet, sweet fantasy baby. Oh, yes. Speaking of sweet, sweet fantasy baby. Oh, you got the hot dog information? I do. I'm going to drop it in the chat. It's New Zealand trend.

of fun coffins which like their sense of humor man they love that stuff you know they beat COVID without the vaccine so they didn't have to have as many as us and they could have fun ones yeah that's true oh wow look at this Lego coffin Star Trek coffin

that's not bad yeah okay again though this is just shit you're putting in the ground the photo of the hot dog being loaded into this hearse look at that oh no this isn't a hot dog dude look at the caption, a cream donut-shaped coffin

for the funeral of Phil McLean outside a church in New Zealand. Yeah, an Eclare or something. That would be good for an Italian one. This is what my doctor thinks I'm going to get buried with. No, there's one that's a Cadbury's dairy milk candy coffin, right? I was going to say, if there was a hot dog, like,

if the coffin was a hot dog, wouldn't you have to have a hearse that looks like a bun? that i mean there's i think the well this eclair looks like it has buns on it but it's not a hot dog but it looked like a hot dog to me well you know what this just means that there's still time for us to corner the market on hot dog cough is true you know what after covid we might be so wide we need a burger coffee yeah totally dude by the way if everyone's curious this is april 15th 2021 story from the associated press and I'm seeing it on New York Post.

So, like, he's, like, huffing this comforter and rolling around in this bed, and he starts having another fantasy where, like, she comes in, in, like, total, like, Valentine's Day lingerie, and they just start fucking getting it on.

And the camera is, like... The camera, by the way, is right upper uterus, by the way. Like, when she gets into this bed, It's just like, hello, everyone. Well, fucking Doug whatever, dude, would have it no other way. What's his fucker's name? Doug Campbell. There we go.

Cameras will be cameras, okay? It's nothing about the male gays. Just get used to it. Yeah, you're in a movie. Yeah, I know you're the victim in the movie, but you're also a victim as an actress, so just get used to it. Look, look, you know, A, I. now runs the cameras. We don't have people who tell people where to put the cameras or carry

the cameras. So Sophie and the mother come back home. It's a weird like, I guess the two of them just went to a fucking convenience store really quickly. Come back and he's like not hearing them enter the house because in his mind he's still just having wild sex with his girl. He's like, yeah, in his sex stream, he's jerking off in her bed. You know for sure he is. There's There's no, I mean, like, you don't see it in the movie. It's not actually fully implied, but what else is he doing? What else could he be doing? It has to be.

The shoes are off. Exactly. That's all you need to know is that the shoes are off. He's at least revving the engines. I don't know if he got to completion or anything, but he definitely, you know, gave a few tugs. He finally is like, like, the fantasy version of Sophie is like, oh, my God, they're home. And he, like, wakes up and hears them and is like, oh, fuck. not again and has to like hilariously hide in this girl's bathroom the boyfriend comes over

they're like in the room he's like coming over to apologize and talk to her and everything and eric roberts is like peeking through the barely open door like oh man i might start jerking off again yeah because they start to have sex and then like i guess he feels her scar and feels bad and she's like oh you're disgusted by me and it's like this that the other thing you know, which leads to my favorite part of the movie. So Eric Roberts now sees him as a threat. They don't even show really how he gets out, like basically.

No, it's bullshit actually because what he does is like, first of all, he's upstairs. And when they show him, he runs out like the back door on the first floor and also stands there for way too long. Like, if you get out successfully, you book it through that yard, you get the fuck out of there, right? And he's like standing there like, wow, that was really close. guess I'll think about getting going now.

And that and you're in a quiet suburban street. Like anytime you start going, hey, where you going? Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's just not, not that easy to do. But so he sees the boyfriend as a threat now. And he asks one of the other doctors when he's coming in next. He comes in and he swipes. And like, they have like a kind of a tete-a-tete here where he's like, oh, hey.

And he's like, oh, you're a Sophie's doctor that met her at the movie. He's like, no, no, that is a fabrication, Ryan. funny story that could get me disbarred um so let's ickney on that but then he grabs her cell phone and he his cell phone he texts uh the buddy this is great eddie who's katelyn's boyfriend who we've met previously and he's like hey man i was trying to hook up with sophy last night and she had a scar on her it's like updating the bride of frankenstein and eddie here's the thing dude Andrew eric and chris if i ever text you something you find to be untoward could you do me a huge favor and talk to me about it oh shit i guess fuck i got a lot to talk

oh yeah please how much time you got as opposed to him and he just gets his text like whoa you'll never guess what riot just texted me more lewd than you alluded to too this is the top level of patreon so i could say the word tit on here that's right thank you by the way uh you gave me that freedom see it's she's got a huge scar under her tit that's what's crazy what's crazy about that though is like we've seen the scar I mean yeah technically it's under her tits so's her fucking feet

the scar I would not describe as being under her tits like Eric Roberts is such a lunatic in this movie I would also if I was this guy's friend I'd be like Ryan like you like Marvel movies the bride of Frankenstein

that's the other like is he making a cab Callaway fucking reference in there too Dude, it would have been, it would have been great if the friend just texted back. I don't know what the bride of Frankenstein is. Or if Ryan, if the doctor as Ryan texted the bride of eye Frankenstein. So people understand. It's just you, I mean, there could have been something else. But right.

Eddie just like some sort of other reference. Yeah, like, you know, I'm trying to think of anything scarred up. I don't know. Freddie Krueger The Walking Dead, you know, something like that. Jesus, Ryan, why did you say that we used to be like Bacall and Bogey?

Who the fuck is that? Are you your uncle or something? You know, like that song Key Lago by Bertie Higgins. Come on, come on, kids. Come on, kids. Let's talk about Bernie Higgins. Oh, Bernie Higgins. You got that song that goes like

like Bogi and Bacall. I saw him on the flipping the birdie tour and he was phenomenal. Eric, I love that you just reminded me again that with that reference, you and I both love listening to Yacht Rock Radio and Sirius FM. Yeah, and for whatever reason when I worked at Showtime, Bernie Higgins had somehow worked with Showtime in some way. So there was just stacks of that CD signed personally by him. Oh, no way.

They couldn't fucking give him away for free. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I had one, and I actually regret for getting it behind Edwards. Oh, bummer. Hey, Ryan, why did you text me that you wanted to meet up at Caldor later? What is, what's Caldor? Isn't that where all us cool kids hang out these days? What are you saying we got a Caldor and then get an egg cream afterwards?

Yeah, they got a great cool soda fountain rot. Oh, that's Woolworth. Excuse me. What do you mean you need to replace your VHS player? What fuck is that? I got to find a modern reference for these kids. Meet me at Filene's basement. But honestly, dude, yeah, if I text you something nasty or shitty about my girlfriend,

don't show your girlfriend. Now we're fucked. Now we're all fucked. Yeah. You know, I mean, good on this guy, I guess. but like this dude just instantly turning on his friend for sending a salacious text which is a terrible text at the same time

but like I don't know talk to him before you show you a girl's just what the fuck is your problem like that's what it is don't be an asshole you know blah blah blah you're lucky to have or whatever you want to say just don't be like holy shit Caitlin you'll never guess what

it's so dumb and so then like of course Ryan's life is like temporarily ruined he's going on about like I swear it wasn't me and then he actually has the good idea. He texts the buddy and he's like, hey, can you let me know? I think he calls him, maybe.

He's like, just let me know the timestamp on that text message. And so the dude tells him and then he's like, fuck her. That's when I was in that doctor's appointment, that motherfucking weirdo is there. And he goes to Eric Roberts' house. And this is one of the funniest things

in the movie too where like he's trying to be like, you fucking stay away from my girlfriend, Eric Roberts, like this, that, and the other thing. And then like, he's like swinging his fucking walker at him, like trying to fight Eric Roberts? It's great. Oh my God. Not since the mask of Zorro, man. This is an amazing fight scene, quote on quote.

For a lifetime movie, this is about as good as you get. And this was pretty hilarious. It's not bad. Yeah. And he grabs Ryan's leg and like applies pressure and like the, and he's, and to hurt him really. And he throws his fucking Walker away. And the dude's like, you can't do. Ryan's like, you can't do this. I'm a, you're a doctor. I'm off the clock. Yeah. You didn't realize you were, you didn't realize you were messing with the best of the best boy. Part one and two.

I haven't renewed my license yet, Ryan. For the next 48 hours, I'm not a doctor. I could do anything I want. And, you know, here's the thing. movie you're only like at 87 minutes long give me a little more with this kid struggling to get in the car because eric roberts like this kid cannot walk eric roberts throws this cane like way far away like bif tan and like go get it and then they just cut and the kids just in the car like who that was challenging and i'm like no show me this motherfucker crawling and also like i don't know

what about your neighbors do you really want an 18 year old boy crawling and screaming on your fucking lawn, dude. Don't you want to get him into his car and get him out off your property? That is right. Next movement of creepitude. He follows her to another store in the mall. Yeah. And this is what he

gives her a doll that she's known to collect because he smelled the mall. And she's like, how did you know I like this? He's like, well, I'm just intuitive. Yeah. Yeah. Good

He's like, no, I didn't follow you. I was just at this mall as well. I was at Hottapik. What's that? Yeah, Hottipick. I was over at the Hata Pick, and I was getting Marilyn Manson posters. Yeah, Marilyn Manson posters. You're kids like that still, right?

I was over at the FI over there, getting tapes for my new tape deck. but this is great because she's just like yeah well I can't accept this and then oh this movie the laughs keep on coming him another serious freak out he's smashing this doll on the ground

and stamping on it oh my god and then again we get more with the father around here they're like look asshole he followed her to the mall again and tried to give her a doll And she's like, you know, Dad, I never fucking told them about my weird doll collection.

How does he know this? And again, the guy is just like, honey, I mean, I think we should just give Dr. Beck a call right now and get his side of the story. Like, dude, will you please go away on a business trip for the rest of this movie? Honey, your uncle didn't die in a car crash, okay? The doc really has a lot on me now, okay? So why don't you just forget it happened, okay? Because he even says, like, we're going to ruin a man, a good man's career over this, giving a doll and a ball. Like, yes, that's wildly inappropriate.

Listen, if I ever give you a doll at a mall, cancel me. I don't, you could be 70 years old. Honey, honey, you want me to ruin this man's career just because he wants to strangle you to death? I mean, come on. Look, we have a hot daughter. I'm sorry. This is what we have to deal. As a family we have to deal with.

you should try being less hot. You ever think about that? Maybe you shouldn't have borne a piece of ace, huh? Anyway, I got to talk to my sunshine on TikTok. My sunshine. Oh, you did a little cartwheel this morning, huh, Sunshine? I love that video. Sunshine, you never replied.

I sent you 200 messages. Just reply and call me your moonlight. She did a dance this morning called the Betty Boop. I know what that is. Good morning, Sunshine, would you like Lizzo tickets? I just Googled what that was, and they were pretty expensive. Actually, your cash app link isn't working. You have a Venmo instead.

Sunshine, you ought to consider only fans. So, you know, to get revenge like any crazy doctor would do on this rancid mother, he pulls the old penicillin switcheroo, he like goes into this woman's medical records. This is insane. And it's like oh allergies, penicillin. Then he like, he gets a bottle of like

melatonin or something that she has to take every day and does a little like pill switch out, puts the penicillin in there. And then like, I guess he's we don't see this, but I guess you're to believe he's gone to their house, stolen their mail, which includes like a, you know, prescription drug by

mail service thing. It reseals that box and gets it back to them. This mother fucking drops down an anaphylactic shock. Sophie finds her, you know, so then we're back at this fucking same hospital, and he's like, oh weird, Sophie, I just heard

how you saved your mom's life. Your first patient, you're going to be a great doctor. And then he sees the guy from Beetlejuice that was burnt up and smoking. And he's like, Greenlight idea.

This is where he gets the idea to fake her death and that's how it's going to go. Because she tells him to go fuck himself again. Like, you're going to be a great guy. Just like, get the fuck away from me. You creep me out so much. Please.

Well, now that you've escalated this to profanity, I'm going to fake your death. Because we, it's a classic lifetime movie staple. It's the parking lot scene. And, you know, because it's a thing that people get freaked out about, you know, so you want to always have your, your abduction steak place.

in parking lots and oh that's absolutely right dude you got it you got to make sure you are correctly triggering the fear of your audience we got to make it look like it's real i'm director dog campbell oh so you know what it's like garages they're very cheap to rent out and he's full on going chloroform here you know what i mean the mask is off uh he tries to get her she like elbows them a bunch gets away drives and like gets it like she but like she's like blocked in and I'm like

lady I don't even give a shit just keep driving drive through the wall like get away or hit this guy with your car yeah yep and then like you know you don't see the end result it just cuts to like she has burned to death in a car and

you know the car like crashed into a pole you know and she burned to death and everything and like at this point I am just like, what is this movie doing? Like I was so, I was, my jaw was dropped. I was on my feet. I was staring at the TV. Like, where are we

going with this movie? One problem is we have CGI fire on the call and it does it. It looks like, dude, shit. You're making a fucking movie. There has to be some budget. Light a fucking Honda or Toyota on fire. It can't cost that much.

It looks so, so bad. It's like it's like Nintendo 64. graphics yeah but one thing i do like is a little later on we get to see a shot of the corpse's hand that's all burnt and we see that her ring is on the finger and what also like we we get this whole thing of he changes the dental records from this jane dote with hers to so that everyone believes it but like we are giving doctors and this is a big thing in this country by the way We're giving doctors way too much access and freedom and expertise, quote unquote. Like there should be a dental records person and a doctor has to go to the dental records person

and be like, you know what, I need the dental records of this specific person. And they then have to give a reason as to why. He's just hack, because he does the same thing with the prescriptions, like just hacking everything. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. Like we were talking about earlier. so you get like the flashback seeing everything that happened and it's like him steals this he steals a body from the morgue faking the crash and everything no what does the morgue guy say

on monday morning like fucking body's gone seriously like uh jerry it happened again fuck fuck jerry i blacked out again shit i'm sorry i know i'm not supposed to drink on the job but you know what it was a foreign night and you know Leslie just left me okay listen either either I dragged that corpse to the ravine myself or there's zombies out here listen it's a it's a Jane Doe it was a Friday night those always go missing

okay I can't be responsible for it you know how they you know how they always say that they didn't just get up and walked out of here well sometimes they do okay Brandon sometimes For all we know, that could have been Lady Jesus. So, whatever. The end of this movie is the boyfriend starts this whole campaign of like,

listen, that wasn't my grandmother's ring that I gave her on her hand. Like, I don't believe that she's actually dead. I think something's going on with this doctor. The mom, like, kind of gets behind it. The dad is like, you know, the funeral is tomorrow. Enough with these conspiracy theories, Ryan. The best thing is he says, there's no way we're going to get over this if he keeps coming over here like this. I'm like, you're not, it's the death of your only child.

You're not getting over it, dude. Yeah, well, I got to get through this funeral so I can get back on TikTok and talk to sunshine. Also, the doc said we're having another poker game next week, and I'm ready to pony up again. Meanwhile, she's being held, you know what a, you want to know what a keyword for this film was, ladies and gentlemen, a keyword, an IMDB keyword. Is this a J. Master's clue? Here comes. IMDB keyword, tied up all barefoot. How about that?

Tide feet hyperlink as well. How did you know this? Do you have that bookmarked? Is that your homepage? No, I'm looking at it's on the front page of stock by my doctor. Tied up while barefoot is IMDB page is your homepage. Whenever you bring up your web browser. But it's not part of the tied up while.

barefoot series of movies? It's just a tag, okay. I am there right now, and there are a lot of movies that feature this that I do not realize. The Life Aquatic, I'm looking at you. Finding Nemo, weird. Vanilla Sky, it follows.

The Raiders of the Lost Dark. Yeah, just a lot of the tied up ball bear. And also, that's, I have to, here's the thing. Another credit on the main actress is Brianna Joy, is there name? Brianna, wait. Sure, whatever, dude. Brianna Joy

Shomer, her latest credit is is once upon a time in Hollywood and I have to believe someone looked at that keyword. That's Tarantino's homepage. Exactly.

Wow. You know what sucks? I can't find like on the, I'm on the app like on my iPad. I can't find where the fucking keywords are. Oh, no. Yeah, I'm just on the web page there on my laptop. Fucking. God damn you, IMDB.

So, but she is very tied up and very barefoot at this point. Sure is. And also, important to note, like, just in a hospital dressing gown. Yeah. Okay, that wasn't what she was wearing in the parking garage, Eric Roberts. Well, because he's like, you probably think I'm going to force my shelf on you. Jackpot, I'm not going to. And it's just like, yeah, great.

And she's, you know, he's like, I'm, I'm going to wait till you want me back. And we're going to go to Mexico together. And then meanwhile, the mother and the boyfriend show up. And he puts her in some weird box at the foot of his bed that's six feet tall kind of a thing. Dude, it's like rope. It's like the Hitchcock movie rope. They're just having a conversation in this room while the woman's in the box. That's right.

Let's serve dinner right here. I got this idea after a dinner party featuring my old prep school headmaster By the way I found the actresses Twitter account and followed by one person I follow Eric Roberts Oh well they're buds come on I think it's great

They've now done two movies again And so he kind of like talks to the mother through it And, like, basically, you know, he's like, oh, he just, like, convinces them that she's dead, basically. I forget how he does it. Well, by basically threatening the guy, like, yes. You come into my house making all these wild accusations. By the way, one of her tweets here is a link to her TikTok. Uh-oh, sunshine.

This is bad. But so, like, they leave. And this is the thing. And I feel like this is a lesson we all have to learn. If you're ever abducted by someone who's in love with you, you always got a single white female, them like immediately, which is the like, no, I love you back, man. Let's go for it.

Like, that's your first move, not the yelling, not the screaming, like, oh, this is great. Yeah, you're right. Why don't you have them time? And we'll both give each other hand jobs. But right off the bat, would they not just be expecting that right off the bat? Yeah, that's a good question. because she does it here

and she almost doesn't successfully but she pulls her move to quickly with the knife you know what I mean? I think you kind of got to go a little far here with the single white femaleing and by single white female at the end of single female Bridget Fonda kisses

Jennifer Jason Lee like oh yeah I'm way into girls what are you talking about exactly also though in this scene the start of this scene where the mom and Ryan show up here winner of the biggest dip shit award for this movie is this mother because they fucking get there

and it's like all right the kid is like convinced that Sophie is in this house they're like all right let's sneak up see what he's doing here you know this lady does the fob door lock like click click and the fucking car makes the noise and it ticks off Eric Roberts like oh wait a second oh someone's here uh oh like why you know

your car makes that noise lady what are you doing yeah but then it's just crazy eric roberts is like packing this is the they they are making out you know she's like i'm ready now and he's like i don't believe you uh yeah but then this yeah he she says like just the hands then like when he frees her hands he tries she reaches for a knife like he's brought up a a plate of food previously he's like feeding her it's pretty gross dude yeah it is disgusting there's also a sponge bath that happens also disgusting yeah um but then this is him again this fucking sad sack pathetic his balls in cell shit he's just like i just want someone to be with me why can't i get the girl yeah oh god damn you maniac see that's the thing this guy is not a weird

porno guy this guy jerks off to like bride zillas yeah like say yes to the dress episodes is what he's beating off to. It's not the insane tab. It's the bridal tab. They're going to be happy forever, just like I will one day. Oh, thank God. Her mother's got opinions on the red one.

And if you misbehave, I'm going to amputate all your lambs. Oh, that's right. That's a weird threat. Get ready for surgery. You're going to be discredit on me. Because he's like, you know, first I'm going to cut your one arm.

off, then I'll cut the other, then your legs, and then I'll cut your throat, or whatever he says. And then he's like, who's going to want an armless, legless mute like you? Good God. It's good. So she breaks free. She breaks free. And you know, your classic, she starts hitting them with the golf club. And, you know, you got to see jelly lady.

You really got to keep going until the jelly is there, you know? That's right. Absolutely. Brain jelly, my friend. Love that stuff. Got a couple of good In between All of the Five Woods to the head here She's also getting a couple of really quality

Nutshots in there. That's good. And it's also like if you do kill him And there is some like if some crackpot try like one of his relatives I'm sure this was pitched as one of the sequels Tries to like like sue you or something or like tries to get you to go to jail I mean it looks like you were made in the Leighton Meester factory you were abducted by this dude he faked your death you are like cart blanche

whatever you do is nice and legal you're fine it doesn't help if you're inviting you could you could literally you could do a fucking Rambo last blood cut this dude's heart out and show it to him and you'd be fine oh you you martyred him you did to him

what they do to those girls at the end of martyrs yeah that's fine that's absolutely fun yeah I don't think I know one single jury in the world that would convict you for that. No. No, it wouldn't happen. Man, martyrs. That takes me back. Not an afternoon movie. Let me tell you. Not a movie. No, that is a sundown. Still haven't. Still happy? Still happy?

Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. I do love, so like she escapes and they're having her funeral, which is a hilarious, hilarious detail. It's like this, it's actually really a really nice outdoor funeral. You could have a wedding right next to it if you wanted. I've just never heard of an at-home funeral like this. I mean, it's the thing like the body's kind of

like super burned. Maybe they're just doing like an at-home thing where like there's a cremated situation with the vase or Earn rather is there and it's just like we're having a little memorial. I don't think they're burying her in the yard like a dog. It's just it's convenient for

when she runs home and we can wrap up the movie. Yeah. Yeah. No, true, but like this fucking Tom Sawyer crashing your own funeral shit, I was dying laughing. It is great because they even have the great detail of, you know, it's one thing, like she shows up and everyone's like, and the mom starts crying and everyone's really happy.

But this random older lady just passes out. Dude, her passing out, and then there's another lady just some extra who's sitting down doing the funniest, like, I'm supposed to be in shock right now, so I have my hand over my face.

Oh my God. If you ever have a second, go back and find this extra funny, funny stuff. Here's the thing, if I'm at that funeral, you would have a hard time convincing me that this wasn't a set up. Like, you know what I mean? Like, oh, so was this like some sort of weird gag you guys were pulling? Like, this

is a punked episode. Wait, wait, wait, where are the practical jokers? I know they're here. I met one of them. I met one of them at a UCB after party. Come on. Where are you? Gotcha. Yeah, dude. It's a sick fucking improv everywhere, prank. That's what this is. It feels it

you would have a hard, I would not believe like oh wow, she was, she was, they faked your death and blah, blah, blah, blah, stalked by your doctor. No, no, no, this is a prank. Okay, nice try, kids. Guys, some new information has come to light. I've found in the background of this episode a movie called

Sorority Slaughterhouse from 2016, which appears to be a life, it's not a lifetime movie I don't think, but it's a lifetime super movie in a way. Because Eric Roberts is the dean of this college that kills himself or something. Yeah, takes his own life and he turned, his soul gets put into a clown doll that's 12 inches tall named Bobo. And not only is Eric Roberts the voice

of this evil clown, but the star of this movie, Brianna Joy, Chalmer, is in it. Wow. That's not all. Jessica Morris and Eric Roberts also starred in the other Lifetime movies, the wrong teacher and the wrong roommate. So there are multiple girls with Eric Roberts' lifetime movies in this sorority slaughterhouse, which I guarantee is unwatchable. Did you find that would be a keyword tied up feet? Oh yeah, yeah. That's my new, that's my new homepage. Gotcha. That's that's, that's just now your new watch list. There's all the movies that you got to get through. It was right under E.T. The funniest thing, though, out of all the funny things in this fake funeral, is the boyfriend

Ryan sees her, and this kid pulls a little forest gum move right here, because he ditches the cane and runs at full speed, which he was told he would never do again, right? You're like, oh, boy, I get it. It'd be great if you just... The power of love, ladies and gentlemen. She fell to the floor and pain, like, oh, God, why did I do that? I was so stupid I sent back my rehab six months shit

I'll never walk again I'm such a fucking idiot fucking idiot oh man we get this scene of like the cops raiding his house and like he's left everything

as is right all of his fucking I'm going to cut you up tools are still laid out in the kitchen the straps are still on the bed the whole nine and he's just gone we see him he's down in Cabo San Lucas

where he told her that his retirement home was and it's just like mirroring the first scene there's a woman who comes up to the table at this restaurant that he's at like you know oh uh you know oh you know do you want to order and some appetizers for the table or something and he's like oh that's all right there's a friend who's going to be joining me she'll be here any minute I'm having an old friend for dinner it's Eric Roberts

yeah that's kind of the ending pretty much it's our first date I'm expecting to propose I need to insaminate you before dessert Look dude he's running out of time He's running out of time It's true I guess so man And that is the end of this movie The final big laugh

Is the fact that this movie Has the audacity to start its end credits With like the character An actor credit Roll with the players Oh my God dude You are not a fucking William H. Macy Theater Company.

You are a goddamn lifetime movie called Stocked by my Doctor. How dare you? They knew they had a hit on their hands. There was three more on the way, man. Are you telling me you don't like the step-in lifetime players? Oh, I just, I couldn't even believe that.

Guess what? I just said, now it's the gang reads IMDB. If you're just going to be naming off Eric Roberts movies, we're going to be here for 17 years. No, no. Jesus, Chris, think of me better than that. The mother in this movie played

Sean William Scott's girlfriend in the motion picture road trip from 2000. Oh, wow. Interesting. So that's where unfortunately Eric Roberts' crazy doctor adventure ends for now.

But Steve, was I reading right there are indeed four more of these movies? Three more it seems. Oh, okay. Which is good. I will say yeah the Sleep City one I remember reading really good and yeah I was bummed out by the fact because again like those latter films when he is just talking to himself

and like he's trying to be I'm trying to be good now and then it's like you're a piece of shit you want to stock these girls kind of thing it gets so I mean this is very good it gets so good that's bonkers man so yeah I don't know

final thoughts I don't know if we should be recommending lifetime I guess so Steve Steve, maybe we could do this. Take a little idea from our side order of Slees show. You're very familiar with these movies. Where would you say this ranks on like the lifetimeiest of lifetime movies versus like this is kind of an outlier and not really what the general body of work is about? It's pretty close. It's the cut above again because Eric Roberts is good in it.

Usually it's just some dead-eyed, it's just a cast of dead-eyed nobody's. So I would say it's like a nine on like what you could come to expect. And it's nine in quality just because it's much better in a lot of ways. Gotcha. Gotcha. Chris Cabin, final thoughts on stalked by my doctor? Oh, this is excruciating. Are they all this excruciating, Steve?

Yeah, some get worse, actually. I mean, that is cringy. This is a very cringy one. Extremely cringy. That was the kind of the problem here. Yes. But yeah, yeah, I definitely felt uncomfortable the whole time, which so, I guess, bravo. Bravo on that.

This is my second time watching it. I think it gets better. Yeah. Because maybe you're not, you know, the cringe factor maybe is more like a hot knife at the first time. But I, you know, Eric Roberts is fun enough. I would say if you're if you're getting wasted with some friends and doing a group chat or something, this is something to do. yeah i mean i would agree with that man right it seems like that's the way i kind of wish we were watching

these things with like a good a group a good group of people i will say um you know i'm very like ignorant to the world of lifetime movies i think really you know the only lifetime movies i've seen are the ones that we've done on this show like i just don't play in this pool and that's fine but i will say uh big big points off to the lifetime movie club app that I have on the Apple TV So first of all, let me say It's a fucking paid service Okay, it's like six bucks a month

Or something like that These motherfuckers I go to find stalked by my doctor The franchise flagship title Right? First of all, no search function on this app How dare you? Nice. How like not a type one, not a voice one,

nothing. Hey, you stupid fuck You just got to scroll till you find it. And it's lifetime movies So there's a shit ton of them. So that's going on. So the interface is so stupid that if it's like, you know, if this movie were called like the stalking doctor or something, it would be categorized under T for the dumbass shit. Dumbass shit lifetime. And then finally, yeah, they just did not have the first stalked by my doctor on this platform. They have the rest of them.

How are you supposed to be attracting people to this franchise if they can't start at the beginning Lifetime Movie Club? I just don't get it. I guess I think the thing is they probably licensed shit away and then we're like we're gonna start an app because everyone else is starting an app

yeah right and it's just a really half-baked garbage product it's because A&E took took over lifetime back when it was just its own fucking company it was a fucking cool place

there you go man corporations fucking suck dude can I say I think that is right you know this is a and this is a show we're going to do every other month

and it'd be fun to mix it up so if anyone has suggestions for some bangered 90s, like 1990s movies from Lifetime. Leave them below on Patreon. I watched 15 and pregnant last night as show research, and it could be something, but it's

maybe not salacious enough. Yeah, you don't want them tame dramas. We want like wacky shit. I need a lot of bad decisions. If I have a problem if I have a problem with stock by my doctor, it's one bad decision being made the whole time constantly by the same person.

I need multiple bad decisions being made by multiple characters throughout the movie. Yeah, just like we hit movies. That's what I'm looking for. Exactly. So the next once in a lifetime episode will be coming your way in June. This is an every other month show for the time being anyway. But yeah, like Eric said, get your suggestions in. We'd love to see which way you're going to go.

Although Steve Sadek, I love that you are the captain of this shipman. So I'm sure you got a bunch in the arsenal as well. I will take any and all requests, though. I think Eric's got a good point. Just like, just blast this with your favorites because honestly, the problem is I watch these things. And then it's like, was that the wrong neighbor or the wrong nanny? Because it actually doesn't make a difference. But it does.

I think to that point, you're right. I do want to check out stocked by my neighbor and stalked by my mom. I will say we're not done with the stock by franchise. We will dip back in with Mr. Roberts. eventually. Absolutely. So until June, when we have a real wild one coming your way, I'm sure. Thank you for being the loyal Patreon subscriber

that you are. This has been once in a lifetime and I am Andrew Jupin. Steven Siddak. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. Take it easy. Thank you. Thank you.