We Hate Movies - S14: PATREON SUMMER UNLOCK - WHM #362: Jurassic World

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

Originally released on Patreon: June 14, 2018 “It’s bigger and it’s stupider!” -  Steve on this vs. Jurassic Park On this WHM Prime episode, the gang gets Dino Fever with the first of two JPU films being discussed this month*: Jurassic World! Was that statue of John Hammond actually his corpse mummified under flash-baked dino poo? Did Claire and Owen have their first date on that cursed island? And why didn't BD Wong get a bigger role as the villain? PLUS: Militarized dinosaurs—Question Mark? Jurassic World stars Bryce Dallas Howard, Chris Pratt, Vincent D'Onofrio, Irrfan Khan, Ty Simpkins, Nick Robinson, Jake Johnson, Omar Sy, BD Wong, Judy Greer and Lauren Lapkus as Vivian; directed by Colin Trevorrow. *EDITOR’S NOTE: In 2018, the other JPU film was Jurassic Park III, discussed on We Hate Movies, Episode #363 -- Andrew All August, on top of releasing all-new, regularly scheduled episodes for our Patreon subscribers, we’re also unlocking some older Patreon vault content (like this one on Jurassic World) here on the free feed for the public to get a little taste of what’s on the other side! So if you’re interested in checking out what’s behind the curtain, be sure to also tune into the WHM free feed this Thursday as we unlock an episode of our Star Trek recap show, The Nexus! The episode we're unlocking is the one where we cover both parts of the famed TNG cliffhanger, "The Best of Both Worlds." The Nexus is a monthly show where we cover two Star Trek shows at the same time (we're currently on Star Trek: The Animated Series and ST:TNG) and it's available to subscribers on the $8 level and up.

POMAYORI-WROWS-WROWS. I don't know. I don't know. We're going to be. We're going to be. F. ...andahe. ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... Well, this is one coming deep from the vault while we're on summer vacation here. Y'all, this is 2018's We Hate Movies episode on Jurassic World. Stupid Girl. You know, I mean, we're here in the Catskills and a beautiful summer resort. And, you know, Chris just keeps putting baby in the corner.

I'm like, don't do that. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that. Where the fuck else am I supposed to? Just let babies sit by the lake like we are right now. No, he belongs in the damn corner. Yeah, no, this is an episode I kind of remember nothing about Eric. You listened to it recently. That's right.

There's some, listen, it is a product of its time. Okay, you have to keep that in mind. Yes, do I say, I think I do. Say that Abrams returning for episode nine is a good idea. Oh, that was a bad call. Andrew cook that for me. Well, I mean, what over Colin Trevereaux probably, though, right? I don't know about that.

I kind of, yeah, I'm kind of team calling these days, almost. The hypothetical movie that he made might have been good. The movie that was made is horror. Right, but we're not here to talk about Schnar Wars. We're here to talk about Jurassic World. And guess what? We are unlocking another Patreon offering for Thursday that you can try out, see, you know, you go to a store, you try pants on, you want to see if they fit.

You could do that Thursday with the Nexus. You are Star Trek Recapture. That's right. We've covered the entirety of Star Trek the original series. Now, we've moved on to Star Trek the animated series, but we've done TNG as well throughout this entire run. And what we are unlocking is a special episode of just two TNG episodes

on the best of both worlds, part one and two. The famous Borg episode. Oh, I've become locutors of Borg, have I? What happened to my ding-dong? Repair my ding-dong, what they did to it. It's a mechanical pizza cutter. Beverly killed me. I hope you would like this impression.

Oh, it's all over, man. Yes. Landmark television, man, the season three finale into the season four premiere of Star Trek the next generation. Jean-Luc Picard, captured by the Borg, amazing shit. Great cliffhanger. We don't do cliffhangers like this anymore. We do not. Jonathan Franks, fire on that fucking Borg cube.

I don't care the Picard's on there. Hell yeah. Great taste of the Nexus. If y'all are Patreon curious, that's what we're doing this month. We're unlocking some stuff for folks on the free feed. So we hope you enjoy that. Get a little taste of what it's like us talking Star Trek. And if you like it, sign up now because there are new episodes on every tier of the Patreon all August.

That is not on vacation. No. So if you're a little bummed that this is an older episode, you might have heard before. Do not fret there is new content coming out every week. That's right. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Now let's enjoy a little time travel back to 2018 talking Jurassic World. This month on the We Hate Movies full-length Patreon bonus episode, it's the sequel

Absolutely No One Demanded Jurassic World. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Chris Cadman. Eric Siscusaurus. I knew you were going to do something. I saw it in your face. I was thinking, you see, it took me a while to come up with it.

Well done, though. You know what, dude? Well done. It was worth the weight. And we hate movies. Hello, Hello, everyone. Welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in as always. And thank you for subscribing to the We Hate Movies Patreon and supporting this fine show. Yeah, a little round of applause for everybody who supports. You're there. You're there. You did it. We've been doing this for six months. We've got great episodes. You guys are, you're really lifting our sales as life kicks us in the dick every single day. Every ding dong dick-kicking day. So the episode in question is, of course, Jurassic World from 2015, again by the

way bonus of subscribing to this Patreon, breaking that 10 year rule directed by Colin Trevereaux who you may know from that movie where Naomi Watts is going to kill a kid. I know him more from what he got fired from than I do from what he did. Safety not guaranteed. He got fired from that?

No. Stir Wars. Stur Wars. What the hell is? Oh, yes. Star, yes. The stir. That would be a great like food network sure. Stir Wars. Yeah. Welcome back to to Stir Wars. I'm Ted Allen. it would be like a mixology show right oh i like it making drinks and shit we hate movies stir wars got it and then like you're gonna have a segment like whisk factor eight or something

oh yeah yeah yeah uh yeah safety not guaranteed which i thought was a pretty good movie i like that movie it was literally the only thing he did before directing this so whoever saw whatever the fuck in that movie and decided this was a good idea yeah okay and i mean like this is competent for the most part but then yeah when that book of Henry came out he got ran out of Hollywood they just ran him right out of there which is right because that movie's about her

trying to kill Dean Norris by the way but it's like because he's abusing a child or something? Yes me I've seen it so you've seen it I've seen it no I like read the whole plot thing in Wikipedia it's something else it's like magical garbage like the kid's like a little baby genius

but then the kid like eat shit though right he dies like in the middle of There's cancer. There's an extended cancer sequence. It doesn't sound like a genius to me for sitting around eating shit. He leaves his mother a manifesto on how to kill Dea Norris and get away with it. Really? Well, while they're under the dome. Oh, no, that dome is impregnable. And Steve and Chris, who bothered to watch that.

And what the fuck is Bobby doing in that movie? Bobby Moynihan's in there? He plays her beleaguered boss. Naomi Watts's boss. Also boss to Sarah Silverman, who is. in love with Henry. Oh, yeah. It's like a flirty kind of like little kid. With the baby? Yes.

Baby flirted with you? The dead baby. She was in love with the dead baby. Wait, but then he was supposed to direct what? Last Jedi was what he got fired? No, no, he got fired from the next one. Oh, from nine. Oh, Abrams is back on. That's a bad move, by the way. What, bringing Abrams back? I'm not a bad move. It's a move that I am... Easy move.

It forces me to anticipate episode nine, but with a little bit of caution. Okay. Because you hated the Force Awakens? No, I just, I don't think we should repeat directors on these things. I think that's, I mean, if you've served you, I would be fine if what's his face came back, Ryan Johnson, but he didn't have enough time. He's planning a whole next trilogy. Yeah, the next branch of this whole endeavor. He doesn't have the time. So this movie, Jurassic World, by the way. It's about dinosaurs. And as it turns out, if you've seen 1993's Jurassic Park You may have indeed already seen

2015's Jurassic World Yes, yes It's a cliff note so Jurassic Park It's bigger and it's stupider man Man is this movie dumb? It's fucking stupid I mean listen You I remember I saw

Did anybody see some theaters besides me? I saw this on theaters And I remember liking it in the theater But I think it was because I went to the theater With my two best friends that day Dr. Pepper and Mr. Popcorn Wow, dude, you're an easy, like. Well, I was just like, wait, wait, I went to the movies with Eric.

Oh, no, I did. Oh, wait. Oh, that's sad. The old Ziegfeld Theater, which is just a magical place. I enjoyed it. I barely know you. This is a business relationship, Steve. Yeah, I tried, I saw Eric in the street the other day.

He just totally iced me. Sick. Yeah, I was like, see you later, Eric. Did he trip you? It's always nice to hear from a fan. but no um the ziegfeld yeah the ziegfeld now defunct always added two or three points to a movie score it absolutely did we were talking about this before we went on the air but i saw iron man too the zygfeld and i was like yep great

movie as i saw the king's speech and i was like oh that's a you know that's a classy movie you know that's a prestige picture you know what it didn't work on though uh not even the magic of the old zygfeld movie palace could trick me into thinking that that oz the great and powerful was a good movie. Holy flippity fuck, that movie sucks. Stay tuned, probably? Most likely. Okay, yeah. Most likely, yeah.

Ew. So this movie, it's like, it's 22 years after the first film. Jurassic World has been open for business. We are told since 2005. Oh, I missed that line. Why are we always doing parks in these movies?

They hint at it. in this movie with the Vincent DiNafio character about like we're going to militarize these things. Just do that. Just start with that. If you're going to do that, if you're going to talk about that. Just have that. Just have that be the thing. Don't twist my tit for two hours. But making me

think that I'm going to see like raptors dropped into fucking Afghanistan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the most ridiculous thing. What war are you envisioning that the raptors are going to be the best? Are they going to take the fucking mirror underneath the car and check and see if there's a bomb trigger underneath it? No, no, no. It's not

It's not for, like, espionage, Chris Kavana. It is for all-out war, dude. How much if that is actually happening? How much is it all-out war happening? We've been in a fucking war since 2003. But isn't a lot of that, I mean, occupation? Yeah, but it's not, yeah, I agree with Chris. I mean, like, maybe Vietnam, if that was going, if you can get some time dinosaurs, you want to go back at time.

What about Korea? We're going to start that up again. That's a good point. Totally. We got Iran cooking. We got all sorts of places these fucking cock faces want to invade, dude, come on.

Sure. And if we had a dino army on our disposal, I mean, come on. I mean, it's so stupid. You would lose so many of your own men handling and transporting these dinosaurs. I would say don't handle them, just drop them out of an airplane

and wreak havoc. Operation Dino Drop, dude. Starring Dennis Miller again. Or Dennis Liery. Oh, I would love Dennis Miller. I are going to drop down on these raptors, babe. It's going to go into Mosul like a bunch of Ra! He doesn't we get to finish

his dumb, intelligent joke. But, okay, so the park shit. Okay, so Jurassic Park, great movie, you know, Spielberg, top of his game, good shit. That's fine. Now, then, isn't it like the lost world I haven't seen it in forever? Trash. Absolutely trash. Yeah, but aren't, isn't there like a covert

park they're going to start? There's a second island that they've secretly been they were breeding more dinosaurs than they were initially led to believe in the first movie. But they're not doing another park. It's sort of like, oh, man, it's a rescue mission. I think Julianne Moore gets trapped on that island. They have to go find her. And is that the same one as the third one?

I've not seen third at the time of this recording. I will see it when we do it. You've never seen it ever? Not in my life, no. It's not great. But at the time of this recording, which is to say, I haven't seen Jurassic Park 3 in a really long time. I remember liking it more than the lost world. And I think I rewatched the original three

when we did Lost World a hundred years ago in a summer blockbuster extravaganza. I think it's still the second best. There shouldn't have been anything after the first one. But like it is the second best of the bunch. How much is that like the Sam Neal factor? That is all the same. It's a lot of thing.

I want to go to con. I mean, there's a lot of things we need to fix in this crazy world. You know, we got to get con we got to take Congress back guys. What I want to do You can help a few dino legislators Oh man drop a raptor in the fucking house Velociraptor yeah he's running 70 miles an hour

You get Mitch McConnell spit with like With that that paralyzing goop I would love to see Mitch McConnell Spit in the face by a fucking dilaphasaurus Dude I would never need another Christmas or birthday present Speaking of acid goop He's starting to look like

that dude that gets hit with all the assid in Robo. Oh, yeah. It's looking bad. It's just hanging, man. It's hanging and you don't even know it. Hang and face. My new law that I want to propose. Steve Sadex Dino Act of 2018. Is every movie that comes out that is

a sequel to a movie or a continuation of any kind of a franchise it's got to have a number in the title and it's got to be sequential. So this would be Jurassic Park 4 colon Jurassic World. That way you kind of know what you're getting you know you'll get tricked is what i'm saying right because the absence of the higher number leads you to believe that there's a fresh start happening exactly or some

sort of potential but also that fucking second movie destroys this because it's that's actually the lost world coloned jerassic park that's right it's not you'd think it's jerassic park cole in the lost wrong it's Jurassic park two motherfucker drastic park three Jurassic park four then we're doing Jurassic Park five and then everyone's like because then people would ask like at the box office do we really need five of these movies you know what I mean like you have to look at it in totality put into park how about you slide that baby

in the drive if not a park then maybe like it's turned into like a conservation thing and you know only scientists can go look at it or something this is this begs for the sphere set up like just a limited amount of people

but like then you get crazier like, you get claustrophobic, I guess, more than this. So they're in a dino egg? Yes. I was thinking Jurassic Drive Jurassic Road. It's a two Raptors in a relationship that's kind of dying. And they keep talking about how they're going to go to Paris and they never will.

And, you know, there's an abortion, I believe, at the end of the loss. I don't know what you're referencing. Revolutionary Road. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes. Somebody loses a baby somehow. Then you just take a walk with Michael Shannon. It's mostly okay.

Man, you know what? That is a guy who would spruce up this franchise. Yeah, absolutely. He'd do a better job. And even though I love the guy, he would do a better job in this Vincent Donofrio role. You want me to get your fucking dinosaur? Hey man, you ever see these things run like full on? It's like 85 fucking miles an hour.

You think you can run 85 miles an hour, little boy? It's revealed that he's talking to like a four-year-old kid. I open my letters with one of their talents. Look at that. Yeah, I still get letters in the mail. I get letters from Raptors all to time, man. They're very intelligent animals. So we start on...

A lot of them work for the bank. We start on... It's where in like Minnesota or some horse shit and Judy Greer's the mom. We see... I didn't know... I thought this is a flashback because this kid's haircut

is so terrible in this movie. This floppy horseshit this kid's... A lot of kids. A lot of kids have the mop The mop never died It's disgusting Because I was like what is it Is it like Chris Pratt

As a kid and then ladies He's also using a viewfinder And I'm like Okay so maybe it's like This is somebody as a kid And then the dinosaur is going to kill him And this is of course Ty Simpkins who is also an Ironman 3

So both this kid And Judy Greer part of the MCU Oh nice Everyone's part of the MCU And the JPU now I guess The JPM You is right. Actually, this is interesting.

In my new law, would every movie be Iron Man? Would Avengers Infinity War be Iron Man 20? See, you're not even ready to propose your legislation. You don't know what you're doing. I like this legislation. Steve didn't actually write the bill. It was a company that's sort of been like giving Steve some money that wrote this bill. I knew it.

His universal pictures wrote the bill. I will say, though, that whatever this new Batman, this Matt Reeves Batman, It has to be like Batman 9. Wait, I'm sorry. Pardon the interruption. New Batman? Well, that's the one that's been cooking for a long time.

Matt Reeves from... Is this the Bat Fleck one? Yes, but now it's not him anymore. Wait, it's not him anymore? It's not him playing Batman at all? He's probably still going to do it, but it will be his last. I see. But he's deaf not directing it now, but this is the one that he wrote.

Matt Reeves is directing it. But he wrote it? And then they threw that script in the garbage. Oh. It's in the trash now. They called Ben Affleck. flick to their house. I'm like, hey, Ben, Ben, I like your script. This is it going in the garbage.

And I'm saying, like, Batman 9. We would know, we would know it's Batman. You know where Christine gets fixed up. That's where that script is. Fair enough. Although the funny thing, though, Steve, and this is like opinion only, of course, but I think the Iron Man movies

throw your role, your law in the garbage, because I think Iron Man is far and away the best Iron Man. And my favorite Iron MCU movie I'm not making any judgment on this I just want the public to know what they're getting

into before like there's no judgments whatsoever Iron Man 3 is a great movie but that's the thing though you see a three and you're like do we really need a third Iron Man movie and it turned out we did it's the best one yeah under cross-examination you fall apart Steve I'm sorry this is going right Steve's idea I think is sound

because really Spider-Man Homecoming is really just Iron Man 19 yes yes exactly Fair enough. Or is Spider-Man 5, and you're like, oh, man, Spider-Man 6. Oh, dude, get this. It's Spider-Man 6. It's Spider-Man 6.

Spider-Man 6 slash Iron Man 19. Yes, exactly. Let's do that, dude. You'll sell some tickets. I got to see what that's about. So it's Judy Greer is the mom. David Wallace from the office, the Uber boss is the dad. They're sending their little rich boys off on a little trip.

This is what I hate about this whole situation. Little rich boys here. You got to get to see some dinosaurs. You got some real couple little rich boys here. And this is what's obnoxious is like something like this is only for the rich. Oh, of course. Like this Jurassic World situation. But I feel like had John Hammond lived to see Jurassic World. Please. He was going to he was going to gouge people. No, dude. I feel it would be like, oh, Mommy, my flea circus. He would remember the flea circus story, Eric. He would say we need like some, some, you know, financial assistance to come to. of this park. Well, the blood-sucking

lawyer in the first Jurassic Park movie references, oh, yeah, maybe we'll have a coupon day. Kind of a thing. Although, I don't know, like, I really do not understand how this works after everything. That this is canon. Yeah.

Is ridiculous. Yeah. But I feel like you can't not be canon. A thing that Stevens Spielberg started. Just reboot it, man. Yes. I feel like that was the answer. Because it doesn't, how something like this would flourish after those two incidents makes

no sense. Three incidents. I mean like there's a dinosaur in San Diego at the end of that first movie killing people. Yes, I think then like the world governments would come together and decide to just firebom that island and kill them all. That's fine. And that's it we're never making dinosaurs

ever again. Look, we have all this leftover napalm. We're just going to use that. Leftover napalm. I ain't using it. Taking up all this space. Yeah, just just dust it off. It's in the garbage from now it's fine. It's good. I mean, don't dust it off too hard, but just

dust it off. Dusted off just enough to get it off the plane and then light it out. It's a raptor like eating a triceratops and then all of a sudden CCR starts blaring and he's like, ah! Oh, crap. I love the smell of burning dinosaurs in the morning.

Some folks are born. Race to raise a flag. Kaboom, dead. So they are preparing to send their kids to the island. And as it turns out, Judy Greer is the older sister of Bryce Dallas Howard. Great sister casting. I look at this movie one star for Great Sister. Sure.

Yeah, I buy it. I buy this casting. But the one thing I realized, though, was rewatching it last night. I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot Judy Greer's in this. It doesn't count. No. She should be going on the vacation. And it's, I guess, it's a weird also.

Keeping in line with some Spielberg territory here, it's definitely like we're sending these kids to Jurassic World so we can finalize this divorce on the home front. I didn't get that until the kids set it in the middle of the mood. Same here. No, because there's a line at the airport where David Wallace is like, huh, well, I guess that's what our last family breakfast was like. Oh, you shut the fuck up.

I thought he just saw all the other movies. It was like, yeah. It was like when you sent it our kids to Kill Camp. Well, you know, I've been saving for their college fund. And I guess that's just ours now. Nice, a little nest egg. Yeah. Now I got, we got our fuck pad back, honey.

We're going to open a record store with all this money. Lear House. So, yeah, they go and, yeah, Bryce Dallas Howard is like the, she's running Jurassic World. And so they're supposed to get this really awesome tour by her, but actually she's such a big business lady. so she has no time for it and she puts this British assistant who we're supposed to hate. I don't know why. I don't get it. When she dies in the middle

of the movie you know yours was like, yeah you got that bitch and I'm like why? I'll tell you why. Oh, interesting. You know, I'll tell you why. Because I feel like this movie is doubling down on this whole like this park is terrible. It's capitalist garbage. Like

at one point Bryce Dallas Howard mentions how Verizon Wireless presents whatever this fucking Gidormisor is and dominoous rex Yeah So it's just going on to that thing

Like these sniveling corporate weasels And like who gives a fuck about Yeah She's functioning the same part as the lawyer I think it's the thing It's this specific thing Is she's not fawning over these two fucking dipships Right she doesn't she's not

She's immune to cuteness of children Oh I see Two little pieces of shit Just like the lawyer. Yep totally not fawning over them this woman has the most brutal

fucking death in any Jurassic Park movie ever and John Hammond who has more kills than Ted Bundy at this point died on his rich bed and nothing ever happened to him that dude when that guy

got cancer eventually they needed to ship John Hammond off to Jurassic Park and let them eat him and then bomb the island just like leave him there like how cool would that be man like you are just left on that helicopter pad.

Most cancer patients get a little morphine every day. Mr. John, I am. He had it every day, every minute, every hour. You know, remember Judge Dreadwin Max von Seidow gets banished because he's too old? They just give him a big book of the law and they set him into the

cursed earth. That's him. That's John Hammond. So you send him to Florida. He's just got a big dinosaur encyclopedia. It's like, go fucking find him all, you old prank. via condos dude thanks for everything that that sounds right to me um so that they're going on a tour so she's super busy and like that's it's very much like the business is breaking up the family kind of a thing that's kind of what we're playing with here but also it's like she don't have no kids yeah of course not these are just her fucking nephews who gives a shit well that's the other thing too is like oh she hasn't seen them in so long because she's such a bad sister she has to learn she's got to learn to fawn over the kids. That's her journey.

It's a fucking disgusting line in this movie when Judy Greer calls her later and like Bryce Howard is basically like something something kids are terrible. Or I don't want kids and she's like Judy Greer says something and she's

like well now you're fucking sounding like mom and she's like hey kids will grow on you bye you know what dude that's a personal choice and leave in respect my decision and get out of my face. Just stop talking me about it. Stop fucking talking about it.

By the way, she's treated like a genius and I believe it since she made it this thing work after what happened. I actually believe it that this thing is still a thing. Well, but we are not. She put her energy into something else. But we're not told how long it is that she's worked for this organization.

Because also InGen is still in the mix and this is Erf and Khan. Erf and Khan is the dude who's now like the John Hammond. He's like running engine and taking helicopter lessons. It's a real Richard Branson type, I think that's the idea. Big time. And Erf and Kahn's a fucking great actor. It's good to see him in this movie. Not doing a whole

lot. Spectacular death, though. Yeah, yeah. I kind of wanted more of him. So, you know, she's, we meet the Indominus rex, which is the... Dynormosaurus. Did I make that up or did they say that at some point? No, you're making that up. Well, it's called the Dominus. Tremendor Rex. Really big guy. It's literally this guy is a cast off from a bad

sci-fi movie. Like sci-fi the channel. Yeah. It's just, I kind of hate this dinosaur. I don't think. It's stupid. I don't think it's cool. I don't think it's cool. It looks just like a T-Rex, right? But it's bigger. It's got bigger arms that it's got like spiky stuff. I can't tell these things apart. It's also like kind of gray.

Yeah. And it can, oh, also it's magic. It can do whatever the fuck it wants. Well, because so there's no reason. to go through this movie. This movie's four and a half hours long. Basically, it's a weird thing where they're like, like Chris Pratt, who plays Owen, whatever,

he's like the dino expert. Grady. Owen Wilson. Grady. Wow. A couple dinosaurs. Oh, wow. Look at those dinosaurs.

Wow. Ain't that person. Wow. You know, some Paul Simon music would go great with these dinosaurs. Oh, man. You see my nose just raptor ran right into it. couple of years ago. But so they,

he like, you know, is an animal trainer. We'll get to that in a second. But when... He's Maldoon Jr. Right. Yeah, he is. He is, pretty much.

And when... Better title. When Indominus Rex is, like, introduced and, and Bryce Howard is like, hey, man, can you come, like take a look at this dinosaur? Like, we don't know what the deal is.

We can't find it in the pad. We've got to see, you know, what's up and everything. He's like, wait, I'm sorry. You, like, made a dinosaur? Because she's basically like, yeah, it's like we crossed a bunch of breeds of dinosaur and made this thing. And he's like, why? And she says because nobody's excited about dinosaurs anymore. What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody's excited about dinosaurs.

And she's like, lower the ticket price. That's how you get people there. Yeah. And she's like, oh, because like every few years, like we need a new attraction. Sure. It's like, I feel a trip to Jurassic world, it's one and done. Like you did it. And then. That was the thing you did, and you never need to go back. You know what's been surviving for quite a long time now? Zoos. Yeah. Still pretty amazing. Chris Cabin, the first to bring up zoo.

But it's weird because he's like, he's getting this information like right there. And I was like, what did this dude be in on the ground floor of like, here's this new dinosaur? Well, this whole scene doesn't make any sense because they're like, oh, you know, there's something weird with the Dominus Rex. We need someone to look at the pen to make sure you can. can't get out. So they're like, oh, we have Owen Grady on staff. Go talk to Owen Grady. And it's just like thing where it's like almost this fake like action movie thing where she shows up to his house and he's retired. Like they kind of play it that way. Like he's fixing a motorcycle. But it's like literally like if your boss was like, hey Eric, I need you to come to this meeting at 3.30. Could you be there?

And you'd be like, yeah, yes, boss. We need some sexual attention at my beach house. Your boss is going to come to your beach house. We're like, Eric, we need you to come to this meeting at 630. Doesn't make any fucking sense. Like, this is your job. You call, look, email this dude. Like, check your, oh, you check your fucking email, dude. A phone. Does everybody have a phone?

Well, they used to, they went on a date before, right? Yes, that's what they discuss here. So I guess it's the personal touch here. I would like to imagine that because they spend so much time working that the date was on the island and they were at that fucking Jimmy Buffett, Margaritaville. Oh, yeah. Just eating dino strips, listening to some of the worst music ever created by man. Great point.

Dino strips. People have eaten dinosaurs, right? At this point. Oh, my God. That's what they should be. Oh. That is exactly what they should be doing. Fuck, who cares about amusement parks? Get fucking stonosaurus steaks. Oh, yeah. The Coke brothers have had like a four-course meal all made from different dinosaurs. Yeah, dude, that's the dark side in Jurassic Park.

Like rich people and shit. They like gamble by like putting poor immigrants like in a pan. That's a better idea for a Jurassic Park sequel. we'll make it for the hyper rich and it's almost getting to like the purge level. Yes, I was just going to say, yeah. And they're fucking feeding people to it. They're doing the fucking Muldoon-esque stuff

being the Great White Hunter, hunt like the most dangerous game. Yeah, like a raptor. Dude, and then the fucking workers, dude, it's an uprising at Jurassic World. It's labor contract. They start fucking throwing all these rich people out into the forest and stuff.

You cut open the gut of a big brontosaurus. You cut it up into little strips. You put it up into little strips. thought they smelled that on the outside put it a soft shell taco some white sauce oh that's got to be delicious oh i bet it's pretty good yeah i mean i don't know they should do that they i mean it should be the thing where it's like and here are the dinosaurs that we raise for consumption or maybe there's a you eat it makes you fucking crazy oh yeah dude like eating monkey brains i heard that shit fucking turns you go altered states after that yeah i can do that you can't be eating a lot of brains dude that like

changes your biological composition. Because you gain the power of the animal. Yeah, like the sentience and that monkey. You turn into a raptor and just go in the streets and like go on a car. Well, dinosaur brains, it would be kind of interesting, right? Because you're popping them like peanuts. Those brains were really small. They could be like

a movie snack. Appetizer. You get a Dr. Pepper and go see Jurassic World. Oh, yeah, dude. Dino brains. Dude, by the way, you could have a thing at it. This is like a movie theater promotion thing they haven't thought of yet. But yeah, it's like dino shooters. Or, like. Dino Nuggets or some shit

And it's just like pigs in a blanket But you know I'd nash on some nugs So She she's like Hey sexily By the way we get I was

I had heard about it Because it was like You know That was a big Crilewale gate Which is her And her ridiculous outfit And like

And I totally agree That a thousand percent This director knew what he was doing Oh my God Oh the fucking shoes The first shot are delicious high heels. Oh, yeah, dude.

Crush a man. Yummers, dude. Step on those balls. Now, Bryce, you gotta remember to stomp around. Like you own the place. Just do the 50-foot woman. I mean, listen, guys.

Versus dinosaurs. There are directors that have foot fetishes, and then there are directors that don't have foot fetishes, and you can tell pretty quickly. Yep. Quentin Tarantino, Colin Trevoro.

I haven't looked back though What's the situation Safety Not Guaranteed? You see an Aubrey Prazler Show in Toe or what? I don't know I don't remember I don't know do you have Mark Duplas

Like taking pictures of her feet In that movie maybe I think that did happen We open on Henry's funeral We open on a very serious Sad black pump And we scroll up And this is Naomi Gott

Naomi Watts is in mourning at her son's funeral. But her feet are fucking banging. Let's just do a whole movie about shoes. Dude, maybe that's why he actually got fired off of Star Wars, man. What sneakers? That was about shoes. Yeah, Cindy Poitier's shoes.

Sexy. He got fired off of Star Wars for shoes. I think because the script was all like, and then Chubacca starts rubbing her feet. It was all Captain Fasma and all of her just stomping around. Best shoes in Star Wars, man. And Snoke's little gold slippers. Oh, yeah.

Those are bad, dude. He was having a casual Sunday when he was murdered. He was his pajamas, dude. Now get high in here, and I'm going to bed right after. Dude, a couple weeks ago. A little sleeping cap. Oh, my God. I mean, yeah.

I've been up. I've just been on my phone for a while. I was on a flight a couple weeks ago, and the woman next to me was, was scrolling through movies and she stumbled upon Last Jedi. Sure. So I was like kind of reading my Kindle but also like watching Star Wars from

the next seat over. Dude, the second Snoke gets murdered, this woman just goes, mm, mm, and turned it off. Oh, wow. I was like, what? Were you like, turned it off? I had so many questions. I was like, had you seen this before and you knew it was coming? Were you just that

invested in a character you saw, one scene before and you were pissed off about it. Like I could not like if you just turned it off I probably wouldn't have said anything but she was like like she audibly was disappointed in the outcome of that scene and turned

the movie off. Couldn't believe it. It was awesome. That's pretty great. Yeah. So she so we go to the Indominus Rex Penn. Yes. The kids by the way kind of get loose of this beleaguered British woman because she's on her phone the whole time.

Oh my God, is she ever? British people and their phones. Oh, excuse me, mobiles. Yes. Let's get it together. Accurate. Is this before or after kind of one of the only cool scenes in the movie

when they go to like the water park part of it? Oh, that's kind of happening here. Yeah. I mean, because this is one thing that was like, I guess partially Spielberg's idea, but also Colin Trevor O wanted to have this particular dinosaur in it. and I don't recall the name of it.

It's a big fish one. Underwater a guy. Yes, I think it was underwater guy. Oh, the Mosasaurus. He let all those dinosaurs out of Egypt. He parts the sea and his, I guess that's why the name is. You know what, Steve, depending upon who you're talking to, some people totally believe that. No, so they have this like, the sea world type thing where like they feed a shark to this motherfucker and he like jumps up.

And then I guess Spielberg had the idea to like, have the hydraulic seats like go down and you see like a cool it's a cool I will say this about this movie there are a lot of cool shots in it like of the park functioning and everything and this is one where like you see the Mosasaurus underwater and it's eating the rest of the shark and whatnot you're like

someone you're going to get eaten by that fucking thing this is actually what makes the older boy actually interested in what's going on it kind of like this they're kind of this like whatever with this Jurassic world this little fucking nihilist this teenager one though man like you are watching there's one part where he's like on

his phone and they're walking through and it's like the T-Rex like feeding time or whatever and all these people are like marveling at watching a dinosaur like eat a goat this little fucking turd is just on his phone like wait whatever no no he's just he's horny

yes I agree with Chris look man then go back to your room jerk off and then come back out and appreciate these dinosaurs he's got to watch the kid he can't jerk off he's got to watch the kid that's what this English chick is for hey could you watch my brother for a second I got to go jerk off. I'll be back in 15 minutes.

He doesn't trust her. She's on her phone all the time. They must have a pretty sweet, what do you call it there? Like sweet, a sweet, you know what I mean? They're in Bryce Dallas Howard's place. They do. We see that room. Oh, do we? Okay, that's right. It's he opens the curtain and there's, it's another great shot actually of like the camera goes out and you see

like the expanse of the park and everything. Also, as you know, she hasn't crawled up his asshole. So, like, she can't be trusted. Can't be trusted. She crawls up his assholes. She should though. That's that's like what what bryce dallas learned to do is to love

shit is to drawl up assholes that type of j horror movie I just assume that happens in Japanese horror probably possibly yeah so she brings

Owen to this pen and oh and she's like and here's the endominous racks and he's like where's the indominesous racks and she's like what and like for some reason who's on first even though this thing has

like a dino tracker in it and they're like it says it's right there blah blah blah everyone like Chris Chris Pratt just goes in with his mouth open like what where's this dinosaur I don't see nothing well because they're not getting a heat signature

Oh right got it And this is what doesn't make any sense though because like they don't have a heat signature but we are also told that the tracker is there but the tracker doesn't come in until later so they're like oh the dinosaur is in here it looks like it's not

there. It's magic. That's just the answer. It's the, it's the, uh, they, uh, D.B. Wong explains later, did I say it wrong? Yeah, you said B.D. Or you said D.B. It's B.D. Wong. So D.B. Sweden. Okay. And who's on first. D.B. Cooper is there. Right. And he's a scientist. And he explains that they spliced it with like the tree frogs that can actually mask their, yeah. So, and. probably like a fucking chameleon and who the fuck no. The magic men is also in there. Yeah, it's genius. Yeah, it also

vengeful jins. And there's some scratches near the door so all of a sudden Chris Pratt's like, oh, it escaped. Well, no, because the dinosaur is such a genius. He knows to scratch up the door so it looks like he escaped. He fakes an escape. As we're told,

as we're told at the end of the movie, because for whatever reason... Sorry, I'm just picturing down like a dinosaur, putting a dummy of itself under a blanket. Yes. That's what he should do is he just have a Ferris Bueller's day off. Oh, oh.

Chichichita dinosaur. I'm just imagining doing all the things in Grand Budapest Hotel to get out of them. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. But like the whole thing is like, what is this dinosaur made of? And nobody will say anything. And B.D. Wong's like, oh, that's

top secret. I don't think you're allowed to have top secret dino ingredients. by the way. All that shit is up front on a whiteboard somewhere. It's a fucking picture of like a bunch of dinosaurs with fucking arrows coming out of them to the center of the board where there is the Indominus Rex. And you are like it's all of these dinosaurs. These are your own employees. Just have them sign like an NDA. Yeah. Exactly. What is in this fucking dinosaur? But as we're told, it's a raptor. And as the first movie tells us, raptors are highly intelligent. The doorknob and all that shit. But like also I would assume that the FDA like cracked. down on these people after what happened. Oh, the FDA. This is Costa Rica, my friend. Oh, I forgot. It's gravy. It's no surprise this island is still

in Costa Rica. Yeah, dude, John Hammond wasn't no fool. It's like Jonestown. So, that'd be awesome. A congressman visits Jurassic World to see what's up and gets murdered. Yep. That'd be great. Also, just have like the old island just inhabited by like a cultists that worship the

dinosaurs. Dude, that is a fucking great movie. Dude, a secret Jurassic Park movie. You have a movie where it's like, all right, everybody, we are being punished for our religious beliefs in San Francisco. We got to get out of here. I found this island. It is uninhabited. We're going to go there and start our cult. Then

whoops, it's fucking Isle Neublar, dude. Look out. If that, I mean, that not so great Ty West movie, what's that one? The sacrament. The sacrament. If the twist in the end of that was a Jurassic Park movie, that movie would have been great. Sure. Yeah. Like, by the way, that movie's

instantly better if you drop that fucking found footage nonsense. Good Lord. It's just nothing. Just tell a fucking cult story, baby. So, wait, have we talked about Chris Pratt's love for blue No, let's get into it. Blue the kind Raptor? Because where we are in the movie has already

sort of past this point, but when we're introduced to Chris Pratt, he is that's right, talking to dinosaurs. He's the Dino Whisperer. Yeah. I mean, it's the, I guess it's a natural progression because they do keep making these animals smarter. Yeah. So okay. And I get he's training him like he's the fucking, uh, that dog whisperer dude. Caesar, whatever the fuck. Caesar. No. No, that was the Joker. Caesar something. But he's got these four fucking dinosaurs, man. And they are blue, Charlie, Delta, and Echo.

Yeah. And he has the whole run over them. He's like, he's the handler. He's imprinted on them right when they're born. People like keep horses and name them and tame them and talk to them. So I mean why not I guess? It's one guy though and this is from where Vincent evil stupid idiot

Vincent DeNafrio this is what he extrapolates from this this grand plan to fucking send raptors out into the world. Vincent DeNafrio is hard as a rock this whole movie by the way because he cannot wait for fucking Dino Wars to have

It's fucking up. It's a fucking pecker. It's rock hard. It should just be at like a CIA black site where they're secretly breeding these things. And just that. Yeah. Somebody stole the research, replicated it. Yeah, they're spies implanted within Jurassic Park.

And I'll be honest, it does sound like he's edging this whole time. He is. That's this performance dude is he's about to come in his pants the second Dino Wars is a go. The edge of extinction. Edge city population did not feel. But also like this. plan unlike later you find he's in on it with B.D. Wong. And that is

the fucking like outlook of this movie is so like negative and shitty. And I think you can exemplify it with that character because the first movie, he's just, he's credited his like lab assistant. And he's filled with like such joy and care for making these animals. And it's the wonder of life and blah, blah, blah. And in this movie, he's a cartoon with dollar signs for eyes. It makes no fucking sense. does make sense because when I started out working in my day job in television

I had all I was like I'm helping people get the mask communicate oh this is amazing and now I just have dollar signs in my eyes oh that's what I thought those were context I think you can also file that under like this like half measured half ass like knowingly

oh this is stupid that we're doing a sequel to this movie attitude that's in this movie like they're kind of making fun of the fact that we're back here again I don't buy that for a second I don't think they do a good job of it But I don't think anybody thought that making this movie It was like look at this dude

It's another Jurassic Park movie here we go again All the self-awareness and the self Like reference stuff Yeah I mean that stuff gets tiresome real quick And I think it's really labeled Like ladled on their heavy duty Just to make you give that distance There was I mean so one Bidi Wong

I think also he tasted blood Like when like all those debts were reported Like, there's two ways you can go with that. It's like, dude, those dinosaurs you created killed 17 people. And it's like, oh my God, I will never create dinosaurs again. I was like, good. But here's the thing. And then he became evil.

I need something. And that's something. Here's a fucking totally easy fix. Think it's the promotion he got from killing all those people. All those people are dead. It's like, somebody finds out about it. And they're like, what the fuck lab technician? You used to be a pretty cool guy.

And he explains. And he's like, that son of a bitch. John Hammond. I worked for him for 30 years. He fucking, you know, was with the research and me this whole time. 30 years. Whatever. 20 years. He cut me. I'll figure it was like 10 years in development. It's 20 years after that first movie.

You don't walk on set, create dinosaurs. You've got to work it up your way up. How old was Dee Dee Wong in that first movie? B.D. Wong? I don't know, probably in his 20s or something. But anyway. He found him in a shack. But he should say something like fucking Hammond cut me out of his will.

Or maybe not his will Some of like the prophets of something He got screwed over And then it was decided that he would turn to the dark side And work with Vincent edging Donafrio Because it just doesn't make sense that he's like Yes All my dinosaurs

You're asking for any character development in this movie And he just goes away an helicopter It's never seen again We're connecting these two movies And like why not just start this movie with with some shots that take place in between the two movies of like D.B. Wong, going more evil

or experimenting. What did I say? You keep saying D.B. Because you keep thinking about D.B. Sweeney. The heart wants what it was. It's alphabetical order. B and then D. I'm never going to remember.

Or like any any of the many lawsuits that would have to have like, you know. Oh, well, I mean, that's a thing. I want the Jurassic Park litigate. through the years. But this is the weird thing. It's like, so they keep kind of going in and out of this control room, which is Jake Johansson.

Johnson. Jake Johnson. See, everybody's fucking up. Jake Johnson and Lauren Lapkis as like two Dennis Nedry split in two, but actually put them together, they wouldn't weigh as much as Wayne Knight did in that first movie. And see, somebody cares, because these are two characters that I was like,

I wish they were doing more. Yeah, they're a lot of fun. You should bring Dotson back, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. He survived, he was never there. Yeah, what's Dodson, Benopto? He should be the one, like, calling Donafria. Like, he's been meddling ever since. Oh, dude, to be awesome, like, a helicopter swoops in, and it's just Dotson, like, hanging

with a megaphone. He's like, you got Dodson here. Someone will care. Well, there's your Michael Shannon roll right there. That's right. It's me. Dodson. Dodson.

No, but for some reason, it looks like Gary Oldman and Hannibal. Something has happened between the movies. Definitely. Yeah, we'll send them into Fallujah. I don't know why. Is it that a horse movie? Remember that horse movie came at 12 strong? 12 strong.

I'm Michael Shannon and I got a horse in Iraq. Dude, somebody was watching that horse movie on the flight back from the Star Wars flight. And then Michael Shannon's horse died and they're like, no, mm-mm. We landed and the dude was sad to turn it off. He looked like a dude that would have loved the horse warrior. You can't be stupid with watching movies on planes. You've got to give yourself enough time to watch the whole thing and land and or like me. I'll watch the first 40 minutes of Logan because I'd already seen it.

Like, yeah, I'll watch the first 40 minutes of Logan before we land. Yeah, but if it's a movie you haven't seen, you've got to fucking do the runtime math. But so, the Lorna Lampka is Jake Johnson. And Jake Johnson has an original Jurassic Park t-shirt and like Bryce Dallas Howard acts like he's making fun of the fucking Holocaust. she's like that's just in poor taste that's ridiculous and it's like dude you are on the you're telling me it's in poor taste we are on the ashes

of those people are you fucking kidding but I think that's the thing dude all of that shit is swept under the rug the closest you get is a John Hammond statue acknowledging publicly everything but nobody talks about the troubles they also see the Jeep wranglers or whatever well that's the thing that all of that stuff

is housed on like a private like closed off part of the island. Like, as we see later in the film, like, the old visitor center is still there. All the old cars are still there. All that shit. They just, like, said, fuck it and just put a fence up. We would have abandoned on it or something.

Let nature take it back. Nature takes shit back very quick. That's true. But, and that statue should be in the graveyard on the premises. Dude, I would piss on that fucking statue. A fucking dinosaur killed my dad. A dinosaur killed my dad. All right. By the way, Haunted Island for sure.

Oh, man. With all the deaths. Okay, there you go. Jurassic Park 7 dino ghosts. Or also human ghost versus dino ghosts or human ghost versus dinosaurs that are alive? I want ghosts. I think human ghosts versus dinosaurs that are still alive is the best. Force ghosts of Samuel L. Jackson.

Yes. Oh, my God. Using his own severed arm or chewed off arm as as a weapon. Hang on to your butts. Hold on, phantom cigarette. Smoking these cigarettes. Smoking myself. fair that's a great movie uh phantom cigarette by uh paul thomas anderson oh yeah so classy

oh also the dennis nendry ghost would just look like slimer eating a bunch of hot dogs at a cart half his face is melted off so um whilst in this pen and like the whole thing is like oh my god the dinosaur is still in the pen he never left it was a big trick and this is the dumb ass part because like owen and And these other two dudes are already in there. And you can tell that these dudes are mince made immediately

because one is a minority so that dude's finished. And the other is a big fat guy with his fucking collar open. And that work tie is pulled down like Rodney Dangerfield. Look, sir, I know you're a security guard of Jurassic World.

You got to dress the part, man. You are fucking finished going to work like that. This is the guy from Green Room. The big fat guy gets his arm cut. Yep. but so like they go in there but then like only after they're in there is Bryce Howard like hey Jake Johnson

back of the control room what's what the geo tag on that dinosaur and he's like yeah it's still in there fucking check that tag Google it first then send men off to their death that's at least you can do for these people the running gag with the control room I don't know if anybody else caught this that I

I think is absolutely superb is through the entire movie so like at the beginning when nothing's going on but we're introduced to the command center all the way to the end after like Vincent DeNofrio's been chewed to death by a raptor and like everything has gone to shit

there is this poor put upon security guard who has to stand at that door of the command center and the repeat gag is him being like oh wait a second you're not authorized to be in here and everybody just brushing past this for me everybody every time someone enters that command center this guy tries to do his job and they're like hey fuck off you know what dude that guy didn't get fucking eaten by a dinosaur so it was a good week for him oh yeah he was on the first chopper out of there so that would be me too uh they should do like one of the like a titanic scene with like billy zane like taking the place of a mother and a baby to get the fuck off the island he's like putting a blanket over his head and hiding in the back of the boat that makes sense i would do that but so he kill uh so the big fact guy gets chopped he gets chopped really good it's a good chomping oh it's a big and it's a it's a nice like he's sitting on the ground and he looks over at chris pratt and it like he doesn't say this but it's the cartoon mother yeah exactly and he goes up and then like they send this team it's amazing they send this team after this dinosaur it's like one of their one of the many mercenaries on and around Jurassic Park which is like I don't know like 60 100 I think Jurassic World and employees more mercenaries than fucking Blackwater.

Yeah. It's a lot. It's so, but they have all, they all have this like, um, aliens-esque, like, um, uh, a life support, like, oh, dude, monitors that like, like, oh, man, just so you can have the computer screen where like, they go, they flatline. That's the sole reason that these things exist is so they can flatline. But I mean, you, if I go to work, like, all right, Steve, one more thing here, you just want to put this up to your heart just to monitor how your heart's doing. Like, what fucking do it? No, no, you have to wear that every day you come to work. Instead of a security badge, we're going to monitor your heart. It's like, are you just eventually telling me that I will die at this job?

Yes, what's going on? Yes, and also, we didn't know exactly when that happens. So you need to wear this at all times. Because it's that classic, get him out of there! When they all start flatlining. It's the first of two times that a team has taken out in this movie. Yeah, that's a good point. Nobody learns the lesson from this first time, because it has.

happens to DeNafrio's men later. Also, you notice that the first thing they do is not just say, hey, evacuate. We've got this fucking serial killer dinosaur fucking out looking for fucking blood. There is a suggestion to evacuate and Bryce Dallas Howard says no to it. We find ourselves in a Murray Hamilton situation, man. You're not going to close the beaches on the 4th July. All the profit would be lost. Then I immediately want her eaten. Like that's immediately. Because I mean, like, the death count rises and it's her fault and it's Ifrin Khan's fault.

It's, you know what I mean? There's a lot of people that deserve to die on this film. D.B. Sweeney. Oh, yeah, he deserved to die. It dies on ice skates. Cutting edge. That's right. I wanted to point out something else about this control room. Well, the other thing about the whole

Jake Johnson's T-shirt thing. Yeah. Right? It's like it's bad enough I know that there's a great movie that exists called Jurassic Park don't fucking show me the poster don't make me think about that movie man while I'm watching this shit

it is in love with those other movies that this I mean that's what sucks about this also is that the whole thing is very self because you have there's two characters in this movie that are reading a book by I was said Malcolm McDowell Ian Malcolm And like you see Jeff Goldblum's photo

On the back of the dust jacket It's like out of focus They gotta pay you for that And the whole I mean Well that's what these movies are It's just for it's nostalgic Self love I mean like That's why you're buying a ticket

The whole scene with the two fucking dipshits In the old park that's overgrown It's like oh how magical it was And don't you remember how awesome it was It's like yeah man but also like Where you're standing is where that fucking T-Rex almost killed all those people and then the Raptors did

and then the T-Rex came in to save the day and all that shit? I kind of like this ghost idea like it's just these kids the kids by the way and also the dumbest thing they have these like these weird little globe things that they drive around in the gyrosphere. The gyrosphere's which are like practically indestructible

and for some reason the people at the part the patrons get to control them no no no no no no no no no no those are totally automated. No, they're totally automated. That makes no sense to otherwise. What a fucking bad idea. Dude, these aren't bumper cars. Come on. They do have a taxi TV in the backseat, though. We're going to watch Jimmy Fallon. What is he up to these days? Dude, and what I love about this, it's like, so Eric is saying taxi TV. If you don't understand what that is in New York, at least, when you get in

cabs, there's a screen. It's like, you're watching taxi TV. Here's a bunch of shit you couldn't possibly care about. And oftentimes on taxi TV, it is Jimmy Fallon himself. There's a Big partnership with NBC when that might believe. Yeah. So it's that in this gyrosmary. Yes, you could go ahead and rub it, Jimmy, rub it all you want.

Oh, my God. Rub it, but know this. You'll never come back from it. This hand turns to ash afterwards. Don't look back, Jim. Steve Higgins, I don't feel so good. Oh, Higgins, why does this hurt? But it is ironic that it's Jimmy Fallon doing a bunch of funny business

And like later in the movie it's kind of haunting because like the kids are missing and they think that they're dead And it just makes sense that like on a pile of ash some Jimmy Fallon bit would be playing and everyone's just like Exactly his grimacing face on the apocalypse that he fucking helped with But it's it's awesome though because the irony of he's in this little cab TV thing and these gyroids or gyroscopes or gyrospheres. And these two, like, teenage boys, what Jimmy Fallon appeals to, are sitting there fucking stone face.

And it's not even like they're not paying attention. They're literally staring at the screen and not emoting whatsoever. Fresh from a presumable two hours of training of how to drive this fucking thing. That's a really great point. What the fuck? Yeah.

Where is the fucking five-hour safety course at least? This fucking alien mobile. I look, it looks like fucking Homer's car. Welcome to Jurassic World. First, you need to, you need to pass the road test at the GMV. For this hamster ball that you'll be driving. And that's so stupid too. That was something that John Hammond had the foresight of in the first movie, man.

Those fuckers are on a track. Yes, those cars, I mean, like, you can drive them if you need to, but they are on a track. Because it makes fucking sense. The way that park was set up made sense. It was more like one of those, like, safari tours or something. Exactly. Like, can you imagine us. American's going to Jurassic

World and driving these things around and there's just like this gate open they're like oh cool let's go off-roading yeah this kid says off-road I was like fucking straight to hell because the gag is like they are after the Indominious Rex kills that whole

security team they're like okay this thing is lucid it's murderous let's get everybody back so they kind of like once they get on the thing they're the last ones in a bubble and then like they show this like squeaky voice teen he's like oh oh boy i guess how everybody's got to go back now dude he's reading a manual to like it's like a script telling him what to say in the event of the ride closing and they're all

like fuck you kid and he's like hey i just work here here's something weird this shit doesn't make sense this fucking white suburban asshole kid why wouldn't they be like Costa rican yes exactly that's that's my point exactly yeah why where what are they fish shipping these people in it doesn't It's like a new American city there? Did they cut? I think, dude, how about this? It might be a seasonal job situation. Okay.

It's like working out of ski lodge. Dinosaur Lodge. They don't ship you in for that, right? Well, you go and you live there. But even still, like, the amount of money would cost to pay that kid to do that. Exactly. It would negate the money he would earn. Oh, well, listen, dude, we cannot be cutting out white people having jobs, man.

Let's please do not. Jurassic World and InGen are going to do whatever it takes. Oh, no, that dinosaur colony broke loose. I'm going to go there and throw toilet paper at everybody. I'm sorry, here for you. Put these on your dinosaur wounds. We got to bring paper towels and Cheetos. These have to be American jobs.

We can't let Shane you do all the dinosaur murders. And the electrical grid's going to go to Verizon, I guess. I don't know. So, but the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the and Bit kind of bothers me and there's a lot of trivia on the I&B where it's like oh Colin Trevoro specifically wrote those in as

jokes he was not prompted by the studio those were jokes to make fun of the commercialization of popular culture these days fuck you that's wrong that's not that's a lie is Verizon like the team at the beginning that is looking to sponsor the Indominus Rex that's

and then he's like oh but all of the pop culture references or all of the the corporate references are just jokes Like, yeah, Starbucks is not a joke. Nope. You don't know what I mean? Mercedes. Well, if you want to go. Yeah, Mercedes has a beautiful fucking commercial of her driving up to fucking his house.

There's a lot of those commercial-esque things, but like there's not enough of the critique of it. Like, I understand what you could be doing with it, but he never really gets there. But the joke needs to be, it's got to be, oh, TGI McFudgers presents the Indominious Rex. That's a joke because that's like you make the silly name up. Even talk about the difficulty of it. We are not able to keep these fucking things alive unless we got money from these assholes. Or because of the track record of the last 20 years,

all we could get to sponsorship is garbage institutions like Margaritaville and fucking fudruckers. Adam and Eve's Triceratops. Dude fucking me undies comes in. University of Phoenix. Trump you. The Brontosaurus. The University of Phoenix Brontosaurus, I like.

That's the mascot for the football team. You could be smart as a dinosaur with three easy tests. Come on in. I'm sure there's a Sephora there. But that's the thing, though. It doesn't make it a criticism just because you threw a raptor through a Starbucks. No, exactly. Well, you know, it's just trying to be Disney World, I guess, right?

Well, the only unintentionally hilarious thing is the inclusion of Margaritaville because what the fuck are we doing, human society. Oh, no, I'm getting drunk on that island. You get me in front of a bunch of dinosaurs? Exactly. I'm going to a tropical island full a bunch of dinosaurs.

I'm having a margarita first fucking thing. You know, the only time. That opens at 9 a.m. It has to open. That is the hottest attraction.

It's like an airport bar. It's like an airport bar. It's like an airport bar. You know what a margaritaville has? It has brunch. The T-Rex pen, there's nobody there

the line around the block for the fucking margaritaville. It would be out of control. They would need to have multiple locations. Jimmy Buffett has a cameo in this movie. I noticed, I didn't notice that, but I noticed when you said who it was. When all the, like, taradactyls and shit are, like, attacking the promenade, there's a shot of this fucking white guy grabbing two frozen margaritas off a table and running with them.

That's Jimmy Buffet. Oh, boy. Isn't it funny? Also, the right move. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. If I'm going to go out, I'm going out happy. Getting wasted.

That's why I think Jake Johnson's hilarious big soda that he has in this movie, that's just. like rum and coke. Oh, probably. Of course. So these kids go off-roading, and then the Indominus Rex finds them. And this is the scene that is a direct rip-off of the Lex and Tim scene. Yes, from the first movie. Yes, the dinosaur is like trying to crack the glass to like get them in this little egg.

Well, that's the other thing, too. You made these things look like cat toys. Like, of course these dynos are going to be swatting at it. Dude, you need like pins on these things like, shit they put out to make pigeons not land on places. Like, you need those on these gyroscopes, man. He's like playing with it just chomping on it a little bit. It looks kind of cute playing with this thing.

And I am just praying for this dinosaur to win, by the way. Oh, yeah. Well, these kids suck. They suck big time, man. The older kid, I think he's been in a few other things, but he is like... He's love Simon, kid. Huh? The titular love Simon.

love Simon the show of the movie oh they just came out a couple months ago oh he's Simon eh yes and I think he's in the king the Kings of Summer that remember the oh yes yeah I think he's the main kid yeah I think he's the main kid yes I actually think that that's kind of an underrated movie not bad not not half bad okay um Jordan Vote Roberts just directed something on the Skull Island yes that was another dude who made like one tiny little indie movie and then it was like here directed King Kong movie. Go right ahead. Better execution of that than that. 100%. 100%.

But that might be another thing of where it's like, man, now I don't even know how to trust myself anymore. Because it's like, I saw Kong Skull Island. I was like, that was fun. But was that because Dr. Pepper was with me again? Mr. Popcorn. You know, I go see movies with you. You're like, that movie stunk.

You know, and Dr. Pepper shows up, and everyone's having a great time. Well, I think it's part of the company. I'm sorry, but Dr. Pepper's my best friend. Oh man, that's sad. But the, I must have had about 15 best friends and then I met the

president again. And I peed out all my friends. I saw Kong's call on and I could say this on Patreon, so it's behind a paywall. I saw it at a family get together and they had that fucking true motion on. It ruined

the movie for me. Did you burn the house down? It's just one of those things, some people don't know what television is. You just got to sit down and watch their bad movie. Here's the move. And this is what I did to my in-laws television. Thank God they don't have a Patreon. They won't know this.

But I mean, they won't. I'll be sure. They won't give a fuck, right? They won't care. Eric's like, so I burn their house. I burn their house down. They don't know. No idea it was me.

I blamed it on the local boy down the street is now in prison. I didn't try to fix it with the remote or anything. No, when they went to the bathroom or they were doing other shit, I quickly like changed the settings on the television. You are a hero. You are a hero. You're a home video hero. So these kids, they find the old park. They're walking around. And if, because Jake, Jake Johnson's like, oh yeah, I got this t-shirt on eBay for like 300 bucks. If I'm this teenager, I'm picking up everything I can get in my pockets. Here's the problem, though, dude.

These are like, it's this, the older. Sam Jackson's teeth. Absolutely. Thank you very much. Love Simon's like what, maybe 16. Yeah. And Ty Simkin. is just like a little kid or whatever. These little turds don't know what eBay is. 16-year-old better know. I don't know. People learn fast, man. Dude, I don't think.

YouTube, it's all about eBay and right-wing politics. No, I don't think young kids are using eBay. Really? What the fuck would you need it for? You're not buying U-CDs. That's what Apple Music is for in Spotify. You're not buying DVDs. That's what Amazon's for.

What is rare that kids like? Pokemon's. Yeah, maybe a Pokemon of some kind. Poker's? A little poke balls Bying little poke balls on there Ooh a little rich ball I guess they could have an Etsy shop

All I'm saying is they Anime characters dressed as Nazis Shit like that They show the banner I would wrap it around myself And be like this is going When dinosaurs ruled the world Dude totally

So they're stranded It's the whole scene With the Indominus Rex It tries to crunch through Instead of the flashlight It's a cell phone going off you know what though modern earth

at the end of the movie a fucking flare comes back into play though oh right yeah yeah yeah we'll get to that a little I like seeing that analog tech yeah dude road flares god I miss them analog road flares I like when they find these two jeeps and the one kid loves Simon is like hey remember when we fixed up grandpa's old Malibu

let's fix a jeep and I'm like with what with the fucking bones of mold like what are you what are you using this for it's true you it's like they have the how yeah do they have parts he gets it all wired and whatnot and then the camp like they drive off and the camera just pans to the right a little bit and it's the ghost of moldoon and he just goes clever boy hot wire at a car with my bones my pelvic bone got the car going that see it would be a good movie to have all these these characters you you loved as ghosts yeah you know at least when you're in like the big old visitor center scene and because like the kids go up and they see the same mural that's there of the Raptor and whatnot have the echoes

of that the whole speech or whatever that John Hammond gives to Laura Dern right and it's not for them it's for us. Just as a reminder that once again you know 22 years ago a really fabulous movie

was made and as soon as this shit is over with. Wait you want to be reminded of this now you didn't want to with the t-shirt well i mean if we're already showing t-shirt man that's it that's out of the bag the cat's out of the bag exactly no i think i understand now what john hammond's punishment was was they dipped molten shit all over him and that's what the statue is they dipped molten rock onto him and they did you think you would do a ceremony like after all this shit happened they were like you know it's not really your fault and we're going to honor your achievements they do like a carry him they carry

but it's just fucking dino shit that it's dropped on it it's like Game of Thrones whatever Danny's brother gets that fucking crown man Yes yes yes From uh

call from Aquaman Yes Yeah Caldrago Yes Uh you know it'll be cool though Sure Because it looks really shitty

I wish you got a close up of it Because this statue of John Hammond that you see like briefly In the background Looks like that fucking hideous I don't know if you guys have ever seen this you probably have the hideous Jackie Gleason statue outside

the Port Authority. Oh man, that sucks. Jesus. I kind of love it. But that thing will give you nightmares. Hell yeah, dude. His teeth are all fucked up and he's like got this ridiculous look on his thing. Yeah, he looks like Eugene Toons. I don't need it, frankly.

I think it was kind of true to life probably. I would say, I wonder, because this is the second of two statues in Spielberg reboots or remaker Oh, right. Do you think Spielberg is collective? He's got Denholm Elliott in one chamber. He's like collecting

them. Oh shit, dude. Yeah, well then he's probably got like a Roy Shider one. He's like trying to channel ghost into them. Hang on a second though. So let's see. There's a curse here we're figuring out. No, no. No, it's just exactly like the troll from Ernest scared stupid.

I'm trying to see how close he is the whole Jaws set. Shider's gone. Uh-huh. Robert, Robert Shaw's gone. Murray Hamilton is gone. He's waiting on Lorraine Gary. And Dreyfus. And Dreyfus, dude.

He's got the whole set. Hey, Hey, Richard, how you doing? How you feeling? Dreyfus would be a two-for-man. Stop measuring me, Stephen. Geez.

Could you stop measuring me for five seconds? Yes, I'll fit in your garage. God. Here, here, cheers. Drink this, Richard. No, don't ask me about it. Just drink it. How about it?

Close to the counters of the third kind, park. Oh. Let's do it, man. Oh, that'd be cool. We'd prefer that. We take a bunch of aliens. We crossbead them with frogs and shit. Oh, but eventually we're just going to get bored with aliens.

I saw the, I saw the re-release last year. That movie rules. The what? The re-release. Oh, okay. The 40th anniversary. Yeah. I'm playing it later this month.

It burns. That movie rules. Can't wait. So the kids hotwire their car. now at this point both Bryce Dallas Howard and Owen are now looking after the team dies they go start looking for the kids

they find Jimmy Fallon's face and like grossed out by it like oh the kids but Owen tracks them he knows they're alive they and like this is the part where he's like how are you going to track him with those ridiculous sexy shoes you're wearing those sexy shoes why don't you take them off and show me your tutsies

she takes off her heel and a bunch of little Dustin Hoffman's here there oh god what a repugnant image but uh I'll get Dusty Hoffman too he's making a big chessboard maybe yes dude he's making playing pieces of all these people wait do we even know where their bodies are they might have been exhumed and stuffed that's possible help me collect the others tom hanks and i won't come for you deal with the devil because otherwise tom hanks catch me if you can you'll be in a terminal

forever you'll have to get harrison i'm not doing that shit he's he's grabbing the corpse of christopher walkin and harrison ford shows up it belongs in a museum it does it does it's true so yeah but he's like those ridiculous shoes and she does this thing which is also quite sexist and disgusting

which is like I'll make my outfit more sexy and now I'm going to be part of the team but dude it's so dumb she's just like watch this transformation I'm gonna tie this around here and do like almost the same thing but that's like more of her outfit anyway because she's like an archie

or paleontology like field kind of a person. Yeah, I guess that's true. I don't remember her showing off her abs or anything. That's, yeah, I don't know. I might be wrong, though. I mean, there was something about the Ellie Sadler character that like, it was like a lady scientist who's like gorgeous Laura Dern.

Like everything about that character, you're just like, wha! That's a character. Well, that's the thing is like Trevor, it feels like an old like Carrie Grant, like his girl Friday time. Yeah. It's like supposed to be an, it happened one nine. Bring up baby. Only angels have wings.

Like, that's his type. But it doesn't make any sense because this should be crazy. Like, remember that scene in Crazy Heart when the kid is missing? And it's like that crazy mall. Like we're going from like, Jeff Bridges is kind of drunk or whatever is going on. He's really drunk. And he's like, freak it out. It should be that.

But there's dinosaurs also because these kids are missing. And she's got that thing of like, oh my God. What am I going to tell my fucking sister? That's my internal fears. It's also not a contained area like a mall. Losing, losing island. Losing one of my sister's kids, man. That's next stop suicide down.

I'm thinking about this whole scenario and it's like you get the perfect alibi. It's like, dude, like 40,000 people died that day. You knew what this was. Exactly. Like there's fucking monsters. I'm sorry that I can't. Cited Wikipedia where you were sending your kids.

It's a perfect excuse not to care about these kids. Also, yeah. And she's not calling the evacuation. She's not all set up, baby. She's ready to go. because right now is about the time that there is an all-out dinosaur assault

on the main tourist center of the island. So let's get to it. So basically I don't know. This helicopter crash adds to it. Well, so Indominus Rex is freaking the fuck out. Sure. He's upset. And he smashes through the glass of like the aviary where

they keep all the pterodactals and the what-nots. And he starts like doing battle with these things. Because Ifhram Khan is flying a helicopter with some Marines and they're trying to shoot him down. Yeah. And so... And this thing's just taking bullets. Like it's no big thing. Yeah. No, it's invincible, dude.

It's quite bulletproof. It's undead. Oh, dude, yeah. B.D. Wong put some Robocop in there. If this thing was like part... Preype. Part dead eye. Did you just see the dinosaurs' eyeballs go completely white? It's like... Starts cursing loudly at everybody.

Oh, I made it's... I developed this whole thing to make the dinosaur read from the Kandarian book of the dead and get possessed. Come get me, Irfan, can you fuck? Oh, God, I would love it. Dino by Don.

Dino by Dawn. So this dinosaur is freaking the fuck out in this aviary. All the flying dinosaurs are like getting out. And one of them like flies into the helicopter,

I think is the deal. It crashes through this aviary. That dude is dead. Oh, he explodes. It's kind of great. I'm not going to cry for a dead billionaire, especially, again, Here's the thing, guys.

I'm never getting into a... Anyone who's a casual pilot, I'm not going anywhere near their aircraft. Listen, what if John Travolta came up to you tomorrow? Not in a million years? Really? Why do you go fly with your best friend, Diet fucking Pepsi, you son of a bitch?

Dr. Peptor, dude, come on. Even still. He said the man's name twice already. It's Dr. Pepper. I'm not getting in a car piloted by John Travolta. I am getting into both, my friend. I will take that risk although I don't know

yeah I mean I might be but what a moment what a moment what a story everybody was given John Travolta's shit for like I guess

it was at Cann 50 Cent was performing for some reason and he danced with them and John Travolta was on stage dancing and everybody was like look at this fucking piece of shit dancing why

that's awesome and it was just it was like the listen like I we're all mean here for the purposes of comedy right but like these people were being so fucking vicious to John Travolta who listen if I was John Travolta

I would have left the lime light I would have given up here's John Travolta God bless him that Goddy movie is probably terrible it's gotten horrendous reviews already but like he is there he's still trying to do this and all this man was doing was standing on a stage just kind of doing

as John Travolta like casual shimmy and listen all you fuckheads out there that we're trashing this poor man. This dude doing a casual shimmy is way better than you'll ever fucking dance. And I don't want to hear it ever again. Protect John Travolta. At all cost.

Leave John Travolta alone. I just, I thought it was unnecessarily snarky. Goddy, directed by Kevin Connolly, by the way. Yeah. I mean, guess what I'm deaf seeing it. Wait, that's the little guy? E from Antroch. He from Antroge directed this guy.

Yeah. My God. Welcome back to Kevin Connolly Theater. What project of his will you be horrified about this week? The cinema of the dams. So these things get

out, and it's not just taradactyls. I don't even know I'm not a dinosaur expert, sorry. Listen, they're all taradactals, Steve. No, but some of them have like T-Rex faces. It looks like fucking Langalears a little bit. Yes, I was getting a total Langalear vibe. That's weird. Well, yeah, because, like, in the aliens universe,

they bottle up their mistakes. Beavie Wong just lets them fucking go. I'm wrong. I'm wrong. Kill me. Yes, dude. I guarantee you some of these cross-bred dinosaurs are braying for death. It hurts to laugh.

And so they lay waste to this park. These dynos are flying through this fucking promenade. This is where Jimmy Buffett grabs the margaritas. But people are just getting dying left and right. One of them picks up this. British woman. Oh my God. It's such a cruel end for this woman. Picks up this British woman who's barely a character. You barely know her name.

Does she even have a name? Zara. Oh, all right. I wouldn't have guessed that. That's the name that you'd hate. Yeah. That's why she's named that. The dinosaur, you know, it's not bad enough that she's going to get mauled by this thing. She's a little too heavy for him and he drops her by accident. Maybe not by accident. Who knows? Maybe there's a deal going on here. Maybe it's like when they try to like some birds try to

like break clams open by drop. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, like it's, the teradactyl is like dipping her in and out of the water. Not the bath. Oh, big boy dinosaur, not the best. Here, pony boy, have a drink. Splash. And then the, the mosasaurus

is tired of being teased and he eats them both. Dude, and it's like, this woman is being like brutalized by this flying dinosaur. And then like the guys like fly back like time for another dunk you witch and the mosesaurus is like

I don't think so and jumps up and just noshes the both of them it would be great if she somehow escapes barely with her life and then a raptor a land dinosaur gets her that way it's like to go the full centurion air a lion and sea oh shit totally that would

be great I don't this is such a cartoonish death and I wish there was so much more of this in this movie but this is a death should be reserved for characters like Vincent Dinoffrio, B.D. Wong, not some woman who's just playing a nameless personal assistant. You don't even get to

see what happens to Tenofrio. You don't. Yeah, that's fucking lame. You can put it together. I mean, a raptor jumps on them. We pan and we see blood. I think we know. Well, fuck, dude, I can put it together with Muldoon too, but that doesn't mean I don't want to see it. I want to see that Aussie get torn up.

Yeah, I want to see a Donofreo opened up like sausage casing. Fucking throat to scrub. Dude, let's do it. Throat is scrote. That should be a movie title. So the kids somehow, they make it back to the park just in time for this to happen.

We're back at the park. This all out of salt happens. Bryce Dallas Howard has kind of like a badass moment here or there. Chris Pratt. One of the flying dinosaurs that's like a pterodactal with a T-Rex head is like chomping at this dude. And Chris Pratt's like trying to get it off, but he can't.

And Bryce Howard shoots this. thing with a rifle and really lays ways to it. It's not half bad. And so she kind of saves the day that's sort of like probably quells the misogyny claims, but not really. Chris Pratt's character is hard as rock. Oh yeah. Well, they start making out right here.

Oh, that's right. Totally. Well, there's still a bunch of taradactos of people just dying. You never made out while scores of people were murdered around you? Well, I have one time. Yes, once. So, uh, they, we all kind of regroup. Um, we're still trying to kill Indominus Rex, kind of sort of. Right. And they realize. Everyone's in like, everyone's in like a FEMA camp somewhere now kind of a thing.

Well, this is Dinafrio plotting his, with his military friends. He is going to send the Raptor unit. Yes. He gets the okay. Which I just said, I'm sorry. I fucking hate it. DeNofrio. Dynast at World 4 colon Raptor unit. Yeah. DeNofrio gets the go-ahead from the board of InGen to take over the Raptor team. Raptor unit, excuse me. Oh, pardon me, the Raptor unit. They are a unit. There's only four of them.

And this is a hilarious fucking detail right here. So, like, Chris Pratt has this assistant who's like this Haitian dude or maybe he's Algerian or something. Is he a bishop? I think it's the guy who plays Bishop. Oh, that's pretty cool. And so this guy's back, like, battling DeNafrio while. Chris Pratt's like out dealing with all this shit. And it's fucking great because

these dinosaurs, these raptors like while they're being held in this area or whatever, they're basically in like Hannibal Lecter Transportation mask. I love it. And it's kind of great because DeNafrio's like, oh, look at this little guy and he's like touching him or whatever. And the dinosaur in this thing is like

grr. He wants to murder him so bad. This drives you crazy because what fucking Chris Pratt's been doing this whole time is all these like gestures and like clicking things. And now they have like a computer in the fucking dinosaur's head and they're like controlling it with an

iPad. Well not controlling it that's just a camera. Yeah, they're cameras. Oh, that's all the... No, no, no. They're running all the drills that Chris Pratt, because Chris Pratt has the line where he's like, we've done this drill with these dinosaurs a thousand times you know, this is the

first like field test kind of a thing. But these are just cameras so they can see the fucking carnage and 4K HD, I guess. when the time comes. The shot made me think they were downloading information into these fucking dinosaurs.

No, that's probably in this next movie. That's what they should do. That's the only way you can control a dinosaur. Yeah, eventually. I mean, if you're going to... Put them like, put those... Put like a little Johnny Nemonic, like, cybernetic implant in their head.

Oh, like the dolphin. In Johnny Nemonic. Yeah. And you could turn it off if it goes crazy. Yeah, I mean, if you want these things to be protecting embassies all around the world. No, they want them to storm the embassy's cabin when we fucking overturn

these countries that weren't asking for it. Yeah, exactly. Like, could you imagine the events have Benghazi with a couple of raptors? When you want these raptors to like cook food for the other raptors. So, the horse soldiers, it's raptors on horses. Oh, the 12

horses of the Afghanistan war? The 12 raptors. Here they come. The raptor warriors. Right after 9-11. brave 12 raptors said I've got to go over there. They were in high school just about to graduate and the swell of patriotism in their raptor hearts. One last time, boys. Again, Q Credens Clearwater Rev. Absolutely. Great movie. I love that movie. I want to see it. Those dinosaurs weren't

fortunate sons. So we start out on this mission. All these raptors are going to track down the Indominious Rex Some folks are born Raised born to raise a flag Others were born in a lab Man, it's amazing that you know lyrics To Cretan's Clear Route or Revival Absolutely

Because if you were like Hey Andrew named some lyrics I'd be like Hey! And I would think that I'm singing a creed in the song Not bad driving music or drinking music Agreed? You got to be driving or drinking

Not both simultaneously It depends on where you are Don't do that at home I'm a professional on a closed course. Only on the highway. So this mission is going on, and they finally in Dominus Rex, and all of these Raptors just stop dead. It's so stupid.

And Chris Pratt's like, what's up, guys? What are we doing? And this is when they start talking to each other. Yes. And wasn't... Well, we just want what you want, civilization. But this whole rap... It's a critic gang.

It's totally the critic gang, yeah. But this Raptor talking shit is what's developed in the third movie. Oh, okay. Because in the third movie, again, the Raptors are the villains. And Sam Neal saves, they're like trying to protect eggs for some reason. Sure. And Sam Neal's like, oh, I've had this Raptor's vocal cord thing in my bag for ages. And like a fucking seashell.

He's like, uh, and like, yeah, blows into it. Starts talking Raptor. They're like, oh, this white guy's talking to us. Okay. He's cursing a blue streak. But wasn't the whole. point is that this Adominus Rex can't socialize and that's why they fucking

penned him off. But he's a genius, Chris. Oh, no, no, no. It's not that it can't socialize. So he's a Kaczynski type. I see. He's been in captivity. It's a female. She's been in captivity all her life and living alone is all that she's

known. So Chris Pratt is saying like as this thing is running around the island, it's adapting and learning how to do all this like simultaneously. Which is why it, there is definitely a line in here where they come across a valley filled with dead dinosaurs and Chris Pratt's like, or like

Bryce Howard's like, oh, they're not eaten or something like that. And Chris Pratt's like, yeah, she's killing for sport. You're like, what? There is two ridiculously hilarious, stupid dinosaur shots in this movie. One, which is a kid on top of a baby triceratops.

Yep. That's just sad. That's, oh man, that's a fucking Flintstones gag. Because that that little baby triceratops should pause. look at the camera and go, it's a living and keep trucking this little kid around. And it's child labor. I'm as old as you are kid.

I made your iPhone. And then someone is going to make me into a wallet after this. Dude, I know wallets. That's a pretty pricey. I would buy one. You could buy that on SkyMall. It'd be very pricey. The second one is in this scene when

they find the dying brontosaurus and they practically give it like last rights it's just the thing it's like oh I can't feel my dono legs Jesus will be in heaven for you is this the only puppet by the way

yeah I think I and I don't know maybe the internet will correct me on this I was suspicious of the scene where because Bryce Howard and Chris Pratt are like two steps behind the kids at all time

they come to the garage where they just took the Jeep out and then in Dominus Rex like sticks it's a little head in I thought some of that might have been a puppet That's possible, yeah, sure. Maybe. And I'll tell you another thing This is why it is incredibly dangerous for me to watch these movies alone Because what Steve just did there, the last rights bit and everything I was like, ha ha that is stupid. Cut to me last night watching this movie and I'm like That's fucking animal. That poor dinosaur got mauled by that other one.

Jesus. But again, you show me scores of kids get taken out by these dinosaurs. I'm not going to blink. It's like twisters. I didn't even see it coming. We didn't even have, we needed a warning system. Oh, baby. Dude, if you could just send out a bunch of little red, like, flying balls into the air and figure out when a dinosaur is going to come.

Just hold a Pepsi can over your head. Dr. Pepper, please. I'm sorry. The man's name is Dr. Dr. Pepper. So the Raptors join up. And immediately you're like, oh, hey, you know what's awesome, killing people. And they start killing these dudes.

And this is very similar to the second movie where we're jumping into like, what do you call it? High Grass kind of thing. Oh, yeah, the raptor attack in that second movie. Yeah, again, a lot of flatlining going on in this scene. You better believe it. Get it there. You just watch this team get wiped out again. Mm-hmm.

And the kids are in some sort of huge van, like for some reason. It looks like a fucking armored car. you see replacing money at a bank and Bryce Dallas Howard's driving it and there's like a fun scene where they're driving around and doing stuff they fucking ice that one dinosaur dude they're throwing like gas canisters at it

again another Jaws reference Beattie Wong before he can explain himself just rides off in a helicopter it's again like that's the interest point of the movie for me yes like this is a character like it's not Sam Neal and it's not Jeff Goldblum

and it's it's a it's not any of those characters it's just BD1 lab technician number one from the first movie and you're bringing him back and you know people know him from SVU and whatever else like this is interesting

like what is this character oh what oh he left well you make him evil too is like ooh oh oh he's gone exactly you find out that he's like in bed with Vincent DiNafrio and he's like I'm gonna take these I'd watch that oh yeah dude

you better believe it that's the law and order crossover I'm waiting for it but like he's basically like hey man these embryos will stay frozen with the backup generator on peace out yeah yeah it's like Airbnb like all right you want to you got to turn it off first then put it back on he's really your main villain he's the one that he's the mad scientist that's the thing is like and it's never fully addressed that they're this movie does have a villain in that way yeah um because this movie acts like it doesn't have a villain

even endominus rex it's just like oh look at that poor piece of shit it's just another It's a misunderstood animal. Yeah, look at this fucking abomination. Oh, man, and Dominus Rex is voiced by Tim Raugh. So the So Donofrio is at the control center and he has a conversation with Chris Pratt and he's like... After sliding that security guard again, by the way,

don't forget that guy eating shit through this whole movie. And the thing is like, yeah, this one didn't work out but we'll train them. Don't worry, we will have... We will have Raptors in Afghanistan by the end of this fiscal. I promise you that. Yeah, he's like aiming for... like a Q4 situation and the raptor

comes and like bites his arm I think this is a puppet by the way A puppet arm? When you get that initial DeNafrio hand bite Yeah I think you got a puppet there You got a puppet on your hand there literally I will say I appreciate the Donofrio's in this movie They could have used a dead-eyed nobody

Or something It's always nice to see him get work Exactly but again it's kind of it's just a character Like that Pick one It's either BD Wong or Vincent DeNobrio They're a big cartoonish villain in this movie. But you don't get that.

He gets murdered. There is a blood spray, which is like fine, but like, come on, man. I need some intestinal. Yeah, I need something here, people. I mean, I need this to be fucking cannibal Holocaust, dude. Are you kidding me? That Sim, who was supposed to be that lady, got a lot of shit. And so now it's just Bryce Dallas Howard, Chris Pratt and the two kids.

They're trying to run out of the control center. The Raptors surround them. And this is when, like, Chris Pratt has a heart-to-heart with these raptors. Shut the fuck up. And, like, you just see the raptor has, like, a moment of, like, remembrance of all the other times. You're my boy, Blue. It's stupid. It's stupid, but that is what is set up at the start of the film. Yeah, of course.

It has to happen. And the problem with all of the dinosaurs in this movie, for my money anyway, is they emote too much with their eyes and expressions and, like, it just, it's too much. It's the problem with having it be so. They're dead-eyed lizards. No, they cross-bred them with. people. You didn't explain that.

Oh, that was a thing. D.B. Sweeney did that when we weren't looking. I was, uh, I was, I was kvetching on Twitter whilst watching this. And somebody was like, yeah, well, guess what, man, you dodged both. They didn't have that leaked script about the human dino crossovers. And I was like, no, no, no, I want to see that movie. I would love to see Dinosolger. It would be better.

Yeah. Because that'd be really disturbing. Dinosaur-s super soldiers. Those, you'd see a lot of examples of the fucked up ones that didn't work right. Going towards the alien franchise with this type of show. Go fucking full species, man. Dinosaurs fucking each other trying to get it together. Oh, yes, sexy dinosaurs.

You're having sex with a sexy lady or guy, and it turns out they've got like a tail and fangs. Sure. Why not? All of that is totally fine. Because at this point, like, at least it's not the exact plot to Jurassic Park. So the big Indominus Rex comes over and it's this thing

where like Indominus Rex practically is like, yes now we'll eat them and then like Blue is like eat them but they're my friends no you have no friends you're a dinosaur like they have this whole conversation and the dinosaurs the raptors turn on him

and at this point the kid is like there's not enough teeth in this fight there needs to be more teeth more teeth and she frees Bryce Dallas Howard gets the idea to free the T-Rex all this is happening in front of a Starbucks and a Brookstone by the way

and this is where the road flare comes back in Sam Neal using the road flare in the first movie Ian Freeze! Exactly right No classic line such as that in this movie she's dead silent and I like Bryce Howard by the way it's just it's a bad movie man she doesn't have much wiggle room here but I like Chris Pratt too yeah I mean so we're doing the same thing with the flare

she fucking hucks it like at the Indominus and this T-Rex dude it is on and it's like a dinosaur fight and it's fine sure but just I feel like part of the charm of that first movie because we did have CGI dinosaurs in that first movie partially but like it was

just terrible enough that we still had to be using partial puppets for it yeah and the fact that now it's just all computer so much of that like tangible dino whatever like that all the dinosaurs you don't have to think about anything anymore like that was what was

interesting with a puppet you had to like think about what the shot's going to look like. Exactly. Just because it's green screen, you can literally do whatever the fuck you want. Right. And like this movie is proof that like being able to do anything you want with computers is not the blessing that you think of is. You don't have to plan for fucking any. I mean, I think episode one also answered how. Yeah. Also true. Do you think when the T-Rex got the script for Jurassic World, he's like flipping through it's like, what the fuck? I don't show up till page 200. I have one cameo where, oh, real original. I'm eating a

goat again. Cool. Oh, wait, I dropped the script. Great. I guess I can't read it now. I guess I can't read it now. Wait, wait, listen. Listen. The Raptors are there from the beginning. They're with Chris Pratt. They got scenes with Chris Pratt. Okay, that's interesting. That's interesting. Well, fuck you. How about that? How about T. rex does not come back for this. About T. Rex is only going to do this movie. T. Rex can share some

screen time with the motherfucking star. Lord. Or I get points on the back end. I'll take it. Scheduling didn't line up for T-Rex. He was just, you were shooting I don't know. The Kongs call on. Yes. You auditioned he didn't get it.

Or he was also, he was playing Godzilla. He was in the mocap, an actual T-Rex in the mocap for Godzilla. A little bit of Jibald on him. He was in the flash TV's show for some reason. Just, you know, I just, I just, that's, that's, that's a really.

That series moved away from things that I was into. That's all I'm saying. You know. So we continue this fight for a little bit. The Starbucks is destroyed the Brookstone. I think we destroyed that massage chair that every Brookstone has. Oh, no. But if you're looking for something to go after the movie, I'm sure yours is fine. Oh, right. Your local Starbucks or Brookstall.

Oh, good idea. So the T-Rex and the Raptors like throw the indomynos, like, towards the water pool. They plan. Yeah. And then here comes lock nest dinosaur jumps up and just destroys this thing and pulls it under the water. Not bad. Pretty great. Not a bad ending for a dinosaur that I didn't give a shit about. And then like there's all so much more dinosaur talking

because the T-Rex goes and he's like, well, I'm going to go lick my wounds now. And then goes off. And then the raptor looks at Chris Pratt and is like, you know, we're from two different worlds. I can't go back with you they'll never under this ain't gonna work my place is here just like come get out of here blue nobody wants you anymore i mean that's what we're doing and it's very silly because they're reptile they should have blank reptile faces that's what was so chilling about the raptors originally it's like they just had nothing going on man yeah this movie they're practically like winking at the camera yeah uh so yeah the t-rex once again is the deus ex machina here

the hero again medical treatment or it would be the great the T-Rex is in the back of an ambulance with a blanket over him Bet you're happy you're paid up now his little

little arm in a sling I love it it's just yeah those huge like thermal foil blankets got a tiny little hot chocolate in there too dude it starts snowing and then all of a sudden it's the end of die hard too

oh fuck dude and then so yeah like some airplane hanged is like a makeshift hospital at the end of this movie. Sure. I mean, yeah, we're just trying to fucking piece people together at this point. But dude, nothing will prevent your parents from divorcing faster than a dinosaur terrorist attack. That's a good point. Because the end of this movie, we see Mr. David Wallace from the office and Judy Greer.

Did ISIS claim responsibility for Jurassic Girl? Yeah, that was us. They run in this airplane hanger and they're holding hands. the family's got a big group hug including Bryce Howard everybody's totally fine I think it's not just so much the dinosaur terrorist attack

it's Costa Rica's kind of a romantic place you go there sure like you're on the island you got a nice drink you're fucking again and this is an easy thing see folks if you are worried about getting divorced from your

other all you have to do is take your kids and put them in like a Captain Phillips situation put them through some real danger and then you two will like forget all the shit that annoyed you about each other and then come together for them.

You know the T-R-X auditioned for that guy? I didn't get it. Oh, yeah. Oh, the role that went to Barcaud Opti in the games? Yeah, I'm the captain now. Oh, man. And you know the pod that Tommy is in?

They had a beautiful design, beautiful design that I could fit in there with him. You know, motherfucker, I was up for fucking, I was I was up for good time I was going to play the security guard Who comes in Sweeps it off again

You know you can I could do mocap I could play human You could make me look like a human I'm an actor But thank God Thank God I got that That role in the darkest hour

As the Nazis You cannot bargain With a T-Rex With your head in its mouth Yeah I was in red player one. No, not the T-Rex. I was talking to Vinnie DeNafrio because I just wanted

to pick his brain, you know, he's on said. I don't have any scenes. I just wanted to watch him work. I think I got an in for Daredevil season four. I don't know. We'll see what goes. Might happen. I could play bullseye. Mark. Yeah, so like that's it, man.

We end with kind of a cool shot of like this T-Rex like getting up on the helicopter batik and just fucking roaring. All right, fine. I get the last line. That's the important thing. Oh, fuck. I just read the script.

The last line is Roar. You know, I did Hamlet once. I could do more than Roar. Actually, I was one of the people singing at the start of La La Land. I got out of the car. I was mocapped. I looked like a L.A. hipster. And I was singing a song, and everyone loved it.

Didn't even know it was me. That day we had you just. is a genius man wow that guy's great i mean singing a song of traffic who would have thought he said he was going to cast me as an astronaut and first man i can go to space oh man a fucking tyrex on the moon signed me up one for dinosaur on the moon please you know i heard i heard the safeties actually had lSD in the spry i actually heard that that's bullshit sandler's in their new movie, man. I can play a diamond merchant. I think dino's in space would be where to go at this because what's more controlled than the death of space. You can instantly kill these

fuckers. That's true. What they should have done from the beginning, horror movie. This should be that is what this is supposed. That should be your template. Yeah. Not the family bullshit. The book is rated R. The movie wound up being rated like a, and the first movie is like a hard PG-13 for its time especially. Jackson's fucking arms cut off there, man. Nod off. Listen, you see that lawyer swinging in that thing's mouth. Yeah, it's pretty fantastic.

In this movie, like when that fat guy gets eaten, it's like a similar death. Sure. He's just, it's like one bite. And it's a really quick shot. Yeah. There's a lot of like we're cutting away on the gore. Yes. What would you have to, I guess? Because of PG-13. But shit, no way, man. Because in Lost World,

when Richard Schiff gets fucking shift and he's torn in half by those two T-Rexes you know I played both those guys it was like an adaptation I played both it was sort of like Army hammered the social network you know actually Army came to me when it was time for him to do the social network I sat him down and he said Army listen

what you got to do is wear a hat well thank you for your advice Mr. Rex that was very helpful very welcome now Shilly you want to get the picture with the child If you look at that scene with Richard Schiff, I have two different physicalities. One walks leading with his legs.

The other one walks leading with his head. It's a different, it's a craft. It was a great costume choice by Spielberg, too, because one of the dinoes I was playing was a lady, so I had a pink bow in my head. Dude, in this new movie, they're all serial killers. They're like a suicide squad of dinosaurs.

The insane shit. of like, oh no, there's a volcano on this island that's erupting. We have to save these animals. No, no, no, no, no, let them melt. Dude, nature will find a way. Here it is. Let them melt. We're going to use the napalm, but nope. Let it, let them melt, let it cool and sell tickets to that. Fucking like melted dino island. Absolutely. Pompeii, people go there. Exactly. Dino pay? Yeah, dude. I could smoke some dino pay after this.

what do you think uh the scope of jeff goldblum's role will be in this new movie i think it's probably one or two scenes maybe i'd think in one scene i've seen any scene he gets to do that fucking the thing he's doing in the in the trailer like the i don't know they might course correct it might be a lot yeah yeah i'd kind of be okay with that because i think ian malcolm's a character that i can watch forever he's what is he up to i mean fucking hotel armatiss i finally saw that trailer. I finally saw it too, actually. It was in front of Deadpool 2. Same. I told you, it's a hospital, even though it's a

hotel. Yeah, you're totally right, Kevin. You were on the money with that. And even when I was watching Deadpool 2, I was like, I kind of wish I was watching Hotel Artemis. Yeah, I mean, you got Batista in there. Sterling K. Brown, man, he's amazing. Anyway, before we get off too far here, that is Jurassic World. Would anybody

recommend it? You know, it's a light recommend for me. I actually, I, I kind of agree. I'm interested with everybody's point about seeing it twice. Might be the nail in the coffin. It's very stupid, but it's pretty entertaining throughout. Like, you pick up any intellectual piece of this. There's nothing there. But a couple we don't talk about. A couple raptors get blown it up by by bazookas and such. Yeah. That's pretty fun. Yeah. That's, I mean, light. You can, if you, if you haven't seen it, see it once. Yeah. Do not see it again or you're going to hate it. I was I came out of the first time seeing it being like that was fine I don't care like I'm totally indifferent I didn't not enjoy that second time I was like yelling at myself the whole time in my own head like what the fuck is this stop it for two hours and five minutes or hour along this fucking thing is um so yeah if you haven't seen it's maybe see it once if if it's on TV but oh my God do not revisit it ever ever I agree with both of what they just said because like Chris

is right. Like, I saw this in the theater and I was like, oh, yeah, it was a pretty fun day at the movies. It's been my best friend, Dr. Pepper. And also, I don't want to diminish the role of Mr. popcorn in this. But even when he gets a little salty. Oh, well done. I had a good time. And

then I saw it again and I was yelling at myself, like, what was I thinking? Yeah. Fucking the spell of Dr. Popcorn. Oh, Dr. Paul got another. Oh, fuck. The movie was so long. He got his doctoral degree. And I agree with what Steve said about it being a light recommend. If you got nothing better to do in your life. Like a rainy day. I watched this on Saturday. It was raining. I'm like, I got nowhere to go.

I'm watching Jurassic. Hangover movie maybe. Yeah, sure. That's the thing. I think the entire franchise is a hangover opportunity. And so much so that you could start your hangover morning by watching Jurassic Park, pass out for literally hours, wake up, Jurassic World would be on, and if you're not paying too close attention to the TV, you might think it's the same movie. You know, I did see this in the theater, and when

I saw it in the theater at the time, I remember very specifically, it was me and my wife and two friends of ours, and we were all just really disappointed. And I just, I was like, I feel about it now as I did then, which was like, it kind of

aired too close to the first movie. There wasn't enough, like, new stuff that interested me and the new stuff that was there like militarizing dinosaurs and whatnot I thought was really stupid and whatever but yeah I do agree with the mantra of if you haven't seen it see it once. Yep. Otherwise

never revisit it. Oh and also go out and vote on November 5th for my initiative. I think we can catch that new Predator movie and change it to not the Predator but Predator 4 Oh well done. Would it be Predator wait so it's

predator predator 2 It's Predator 5 Predators. Predator 6, actually. Predator 6. Oh, you're right, because I forgot about Predator. Predator 2, AVP, AVP, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Predators. Well, then that would be alien, that would be Alien 5 versus Predator 3.

He's all of this in the proposed legislation, or are you just bringing this up now, buddy, because I got to tell you. Well, he would have to cite examples. You would have to get it in there, man. That's Jurassic Word. directed by Colin Trevereaux. Thank you so much for supporting our Patreon endeavor. We look forward to continuing to entertain you for a long time to come.

Until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Chris Cabman. Eric Sisker. Take it easy.