We Hate Movies - S14: Too Old for This Shit # 1.0

Episode Date: March 15, 2024

“Wolverine’s the best Canadian fictional character of all time, probably?” - Eric On this preview episode of our new show, Too Old for This Shit, we’re chatting about the two-part pilot of X-Men ’92, “Night of the Sentinels.” Originally airing on October 31 and November 7, 1992, this episode sees Jubilee move in with the X-Men after her narc foster father calls the feds on her, Wolverine dressing like Al Borland from Home Improvement in his down time, Gambit aggressively hitting on a girl at the mall, Cyclops and Wolverine visiting a bar filled exclusively with Jack Nicholson impersonators, Beast being sent to a black site prison, and Morph getting hilariously murdered! The rest of this first series of Too Old for This Shit is going to cover the first season of the all-new Disney+ show, X-Men ’97. The full release schedule is available on our website. Going forward, this show will be available exclusively for subscribers on the Walsh tier of our Patreon, so make sure you don’t miss a minute of these X-Men ’97 recaps and subscribe today! And catch us on tour this spring, we're playing Atlanta, Houston, and Austin— tickets are on sale now, so visit our website for ticketing info today, we wanna see you all out there!

Thank you. Hello and welcome to Too Old for this shit, the latest top-tier, we hate movies, side show presentation. My name is Andrew Jupin, and I'm sitting here all alone, because I have to do a little bit of an intro here, a little bit of a Band-Aid, folks. Full disclosure, had a little bit of internet outage issues in my world. my apartment while we were recording this episode. And because of that, twice recording this episode, things got a little beefed on the recording side of things. And it turns out we lost the first 25 minutes of this episode and then a few minutes at the end. But the good news is we still have a really hilarious chunk of episode here. And because we're such long-winded

blowhards, really, that first 25 minutes is us just rambling about a bunch of other stuff and not actually talking about the X-Men cartoon. So here's what's going on, folks. This is too old for this shit. It is a new show that we're doing where we're going to tackle some form of new pop culture entertainment, be it a mini-series, a limited series,

a cartoon event such as this, all around new subject matter that we indeed might be a little too old to be talking about. So that's the gist of this show. And the first series of this show is us talking about the brand new X-Men 97 cartoon that is starting on Disney Plus next week.

So what we wanted to do, we were releasing this on both the free feed with commercials and to our top-tier Patreon subscribers simultaneously to give everybody a little taste of what too old for this shit is going to feel like. So we thought, yes, we would talk about the pilot episodes

of the original X-Men 92 cartoon, we'll call it. We are talking about, on this episode that you will hear in a second, Night of the Sentinels part one and two, all right, the original air dates, October the 31st, 1992. and November the 7th, 1992, both of these episodes were written by Mark Edward Edens,

and the first one was directed by Larry Houston, and the second part was directed by Larry Houston and Richard Bowman. So here we are. All four of us will be talking about this in just a sec. And what we're doing here, we have actually released a drop schedule for this series. So we have release dates for every episode of Too Old for the Shit this first season. And you can find all those release dates over at W. HMpodcast.com so you know when these episodes are going to drop because normally it would sort of be like an easy biweekly thing. We tackle two episodes in each episode of Tooled for

the shit. But we have tours coming up, all that good stuff, which by the way, yes, Atlanta 425, we are talking gamer in your beautiful town. 514, we are in Houston, Texas, talking Robocop too. And then 515, we are back in the great city of Austin, Texas, talking from dust till dawn. All that information. Also on the website, by the way, WHMpodcast.com. Okay. I've done enough rambling. I've done enough explaining. And also, like I said, the end

of this also crapped out, so you're going to hear Steve do a separately recorded outro all by himself. Yes, folks, what could go wrong, did indeed go wrong with this recording episode, but we still wanted to give you a little taste of what you can experience, starting next week, here on Too Old for

this shit. And again, after this preview episode, it's all on the Patreon, gang. patreon.com slash we hate movies. All right, that's it, y'all. Hope you enjoy the episode. We will see you next time for hopefully a single session recording of the first official episode of Too Old for this shit. Enjoy.

People chicken. See the chicken. That's pretty good. So who is? exactly is like starting this mall trip? Is it, is it a sanctioned event or is it like, hey, I'm going to the mall, what do you want to do

kind of a thing? I think Gambit wants to go to the food court, get some, that barbecue Louisiana chicken that is inexplicably sold out of a Chinese restaurant. Oh yeah, 100%. And you know, the good thing is you can just fit up on a damn there, free sample

there. Oh, huh? Exactly. Oh, my God. Oh, no, I swallowed a toothpick. no very smart man he doesn't shit where he eats you know that's so you know you would think he would be hitting on people at the mansion no no smart move i think really you go out you find a nice lady who will allow you to have sex with her while you throw magic cards that light up in killpoint well gambit is the ultimate freeloader though so i think it was like rogan storm we're like it's saturday y'all let's go shop and storm let's go and it was like uh oh Can I perhaps bum a ride to them all? I have to go to the hobby shop. And I have to pick up some tail.

I'm horny as fuck. And here's the question. Is it like, do we get, I mean, obviously free room board at the Xavier compound, obviously. Yep, absolutely. Free Lotus. Is there a stipend like, oh, you know, I need some walking around money, professor?

Well, what is he like the gym teacher? Like, what classes are they letting that monster teach? Yeah, you got to do some chores. and then you'll get your $20 for the week. Yeah, clean the fucking floor. They never forget out the animation. There's no students whatsoever. It's like Jubilee, period.

It's very slow going. So, yeah, Jubilee runs into Rogue and Storm, and, uh-oh, here we go. Big old sentinel fight. This is pretty fun. Yeah. It's later on the news is like, those rotten mutants are out of it again. I'm like, what about the 30-foot robot? Yep, no problem with that.

The U.S. military would be instantly out there. Anything threatens a mall in 1992? Yeah, I mean, like, that's always the thing about the meat. Like, X-Men makes sense in their own universe, which is actually kind of what's always weird. I mean, like, obviously

they're well degraded the Marvel universe, but I've never understood why I as a citizen would be disgusted by Gambit, yet like have a boner for Captain America. Do you know what I mean? Like, they're all fucking freaks. Like, you know what? It doesn't matter if you were born that way or was a super hero's serum or whatever or you're bathed in cosmic radiation like it's all disgusting or it's not

and you're talking about like captain america that that guy's got so many goddamn movies where where where is the gambit movie how do they not figure that out it the fact that they could not harness that back when uh what's his name teda was all all in well before that though uh what's his face Tim Riggins from fighting Taylor Kitch Taylor Kitch appeared and then it was like

oh he's going to have that movie and like Taylor Kitch was hot at the time man how did you not fucking pull that off like it's so crazy

they could not harness that it was right there that's really the Captain America thing it's much like you know

it's sad or when the cute animals die you know so like Captain America passes muster because A he fights for us

God damn it and B and he's also by the way totally affiliated with the military. That's a good way. All right. It's a bad example, but like the Hulk. People love the Hulk. Huck's taking fucking selfies in those

later Avengers movies or whatever. You should want the Hulk to have the death penalty just like you want Rogue to have the death penalty. Exactly. I mean, we are entering the 24th year, no exaggeration, 24 years of Hugh Jackman playing Wolverine.

And Wolverine, Gambit is also a gruff guy. Just start a new thing. thing with that character. You know, it's sad that it never happened in the 90s because you know what I'm thinking right now? Like, Marvel didn't have the interest or sway in live action stuff

like when he was big. But can you guys imagine, I probably wouldn't have been great, but it would have been cool. Luke Perry in like a Gambit TV drummer or something. That would have been low red as fuck. Yep, yep, like Mantis. It would be like Mantis level superhero television. But you would have been able to say that Luke Perry

played Gambit. I would watch it. So yeah, we're, you know, we're having fun here. We, um, Jubilee comes to Gambits' aid at some point because Gambit gets knocked out, like she's, he has helped her out. So it's like, we're already becoming friends. Rogue throws an escalator at a sentinel and it's pretty great. It's pretty great. Storm does the thing, which I don't know how this works, where this is on the back of the card of her power set, where she can summon, uh, you know, you know, summoning all the storms that she wants, but that also puts her costume

on her? That, I noticed that too, and I was like, is that right? And I think that's a one and done. Like, oh shit, the Korean animators didn't understand our note. That's fine. We'll just use it. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's very like Tony Starkian the way those Ironman suits

would just seem to grow onto his body. And also... I would prefer a slow dressing scene in one of the mall changing dudes. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Storm's running into the J.C. Penny. Okay, I got to go to the limited two real quickly. No, she's running into the changing room.

And meanwhile, Robert Forrester is waiting outside for her, you know. I'm like a gentleman. I got the bag here, Storm. When are we going to do that? When are we going to do our big heist? Oh, he's so good. You know, I do like an older black woman. Was he nominated for that? Oh, absolutely. And rightfully, so.

Okay. So, but I don't understand how Cyclops doesn't do this more often. He just, like, A, question mark, what's he doing in the parking lot? Was he, like, waiting in the van the whole time in full costume? That brings up another thing, dude. Now that Cyclops is clearly just in the parking lot while they're in the mall, I think it's a thing where, like, you see them fucking, like, church group buses. Oh, I see.

We're all going out of the compound today to go to the mall and skiskelapped. Scott's got to watch the school bus. Blessed be the professor. Blessed be the professor. He's such a goody two shoes. He's like, I'm going to guard the parking lot to make sure that nothing gets into the mall to hurt you guys. And he fucked up.

I'll tell you what. He's got that visor. Dude, if he's driving that school bus, X men are parking in the hand. Absolutely. And he's just sitting there. There was a little Spanish flea. All the shit's happening behind. Oh, shit.

But he beheads the sentinel, no shot. He's like, oh, you know, oh, laser blast, huh? How about one from a pro? Oh, yep. Beheads him immediately. Do that more often. Do that more often. I would never wear the glasses.

I'd be walking down the street, cutting everything at half. I see. I don't care. I'm God. Sounds like your problem. Yeah, exactly. But later, there's another one when, again, Jubilee's foster parents' neighborhood is being decimated by these things for, like,

the third time in a week, he fucking blasts one and clearly chops this thing's leg off at the knee easily. And I was like, how is this ever a fight then? Just keep doing that every time. You've got the you've got the Kvorka dude. So but Jubilee has been gassed by a sent to

at this point. So they... Dude, the little gas finger holes are disgusting. That creep me out. And very much like the first X-Men movie, she awakens in a medical bay in the Xavier compound. Very confused where she is walking around everything's so creepy crazy we meet Beast here uh I love

I love Beast I love the voice of Beast I think did you see the guy he's coming back I believe the guy the guy who who voices Beast looks like himself a beast it's amazing I love this guy yeah he spent some time in the food court is that what you're saying yeah he might have just done that Eric

hold on I'm pulling it up Beast is played by George Booza great name that has a great name boozing booze baby and I believe he does

he's coming back as for XMA 97 one of the few casts members coming back which is great you know he's doing some experiment she's like

oh my god what's that she runs into the danger room and I mean like sorry she runs by morph watching TV and I got to tell you by the end of this cart

this two-parter I'm so glad this guy's fucking dead are you kidding are you kidding me with that laughing. You expected me to go a whole cartoon series with that snickering. I don't think so. He was clearly on the chopping block from minute one. I mean, he's so annoying sitting there like, I'm an idiot. There's a reason he's watching television alone, by the way.

Absolutely. Because no thing. Whole mansion full of co-workers. You're watching TV by yourself. I get that. And so she's like, oh, that. And he's like, oh, that. And he's, He irritates her, which freaks her out. Then she winds up the danger room where Gambit and Wolverine are going at it. And I mean, like, how many people have died in the danger room? Like, a lot, right? Well, if you keep putting all these foundlings down in the basement hospital room and leaving them alone to wander blindly through your military basement, like, probably a lot is the answer. Probably a lot of innocent kids have been killed.

That's the security. If you could survive, you know. And you're fit to change Professor X's diapers. Just some security system. I know that they're not into that. But like Colossus. I mean, what is he,

just let him roam the halls at night. It's fine. This is when we get, we meet Wolverine, who is great, another great voice here, like a classic voice. So I guess it's the same guy doing it in the cartoon in 97.

And we'll see next week when we will listen to it. but it didn't sound too great on that, on that trailer, I'll be honest. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, Cal Dodd is in his late 60s. Yes, exactly. And I got to tell you, you look at Mr. Dodd's IMDB page,

he is wearing one bad ass motherfucker of a leather jacket. Of course, you played with a 20 years. This is a real cool fucking dude. I guarantee. Oh my God, this jacket's amazing. That's awesome.

Good for him. I do love that he's giving a gambit shit. He says, you know, if it's too much good, just say uncle. That's what you would say, right? You fucking Cajun, fuck. You gumbullingus, motherfucker. Oh, I guess. Gabbitt should give it back to him a little bit.

Like, don't you mean you want to throw an A on there or throwing it a boot, perhaps? I'd rather be from the bio than Canada, my friend, Montfron. Is he the best, Wolverine's the best Canadian fictional character? of all time probably. It has to be. I think so. Oh, yeah. Fictional Canadians. James Woods and Video Drome number two. Yeah, I do love Civic TV. It's the one

you take to bed with you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly. What about, yeah, what about Michael Ironside and Scanners? That's another fiction. That's true. Actually, yeah, the whole Cronenberg verse. Yeah, there's a lot of good. A lot of them. Yeah, yeah. My apologies to Canada better than I thought. And actually, you know what it makes sense? Wolverine is a

Kronenbergian figure with those Oh, you know, the claws coming out through the thing, it's gross. It's body horror. It's body horror for sure. Walk and talking body horror, dude, absolutely. Ideal Weapon X director. Yes, yes, he is. There's something about Canada that you just want to like rip your

body apart in weird ways, I guess. Jubilee Blast Storm, everyone's Chuck, Blast Wolverine, everyone chuckles at that, but then she's like, what is this place? And very weirdly, it's an interesting choice. Storm explains who the X-Men are and not

Professor X. It's kind of an odd choice, but it's, it works. I like, the voice actress for Storm is also coming back, a very strong performance there as well, I believe, Iona Morris. It's crazy that they got all these people back. Yes, they're all coming back. Well, what else

when they do? I mean that in a nice way, because I'm not doing shit either. Oh, sorry, I misreported. She does not come. Oh. Oh, whoops. Well, all right. You are fake news, my friend.

Yes. Oh, actually, voicing a storm in the new one, James Woods. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's nice to see the bump after the Oppenheimer way. Yeah. Yep. But so they're like, wow, what is going on with these sentinels? Professor X figures out that there's a facility and that they had, if they have

Jubilee's information, they must have information. A lot of mutants. We can't let that happen. So we're going to send a strike to you. to go get it. Meanwhile, I think it's what Jubilee does escape. Yeah, Jubilee, this is a weird,

she escapes and takes the bus back to the foster parents' house because she's paranoid that I guess they're going to be in danger or something. And this is when the guy who's hired Trask, whatever this other dude's name is here, is interviewing the step

parents. And like, it is a real cock up, X-Men. I'm sorry. like she escaped from like the last we see here is the danger room basement area and somehow you let her get off the compound property here and get a bus somewhere I know embarrassing yeah again a security system you idiots like some kind of team I you just got to pay people because Guy Rick is around this this I've never even heard of this guy Guy Rick is that it yeah Gary Rick yeah he's it's Guyrick and Trask are both like the Sentinel Brothers kind of a thing Right. A good cop, bad cop thing going on between them when we do meet them. Because Tasker seems to be like the softer one is like, well, just wait till we get 100. Don't go killing the kids yet. But they kidnap her pretty quickly. Oh, this is when she gets gasped by the Fingies.

Yes. Uh-huh. And so she's out of commission. Wolverine goes to go look for her instead of going with the team because as he says three times in two episodes, I go where I want to go. I do what I want It's the same bit of audio Just use three times That's what he also says when he urinates in public Wolverine you can't piss here I go where I want to go

I don't know why But I was like just got the Like the feeling of like a terrible New Year's Eve ending Just watch like some deja vu You guys saying that So we're now at the facility and, you know, where

it's kind of, I like this moment when Rogue explains like, it's a really smart pilot that kind of like, if you don't know what the X-Men are, you do by the end of it. You know what everybody's powers are, and you kind of know that what the mutant thing, you get the mutant tragedy bit as well.

Right. With Rogue and Beast walking in the woods and she's explaining the first boy she ever kissed, yada, yada. And, you know, although Beast is kind of a dick and he's not a chuckling at it. And I'm like, eh. Yeah. That's inappropriate.

It's also weird. I get it. It's the first episode you have to set this up. It's just weird that like they're walking to do this covert mission. And she's telling a story that like you get the feeling they've been working together for long enough. She would have told this to them already. You know what I mean?

So it's a weird. You got to get that stuff in somehow. It's a little clunky. I guess that's why he's laughing. He's like, oh yeah, that old one. Here she goes again talking about that boyfriend. fucking time I gotta tell you man

morph is like oh you know I got in trouble I'd be the principal dude you would never find me if I was morphed would be like I'm in trouble I'm gone I would be turning into a new person like every few minutes you would absolutely disappear blend in I'd have the grail already dude you know

it's a crazy like cool sort of morph story is he does that he adapts that sort of lifestyle right and he does it so much he forgets what he originally looked like yes and it's like I don't even fucking know who I am anymore I'm just morphed from everybody and nobody

could he morph back to his old self or has he forgotten to such a degree and he becomes like a fatter or shittier version of himself you know like it's just like it's him but the nose is wrong or something uh huh yeah totally what did I look like what did I look like

it goes from being a beetle juice Alc Baldwin to 30 Rock Alc Ball What happens? That happens to all of us, I think. But, you know, Wolverine rightfully says, you people make a lot of noise. This is the facility break-in part. Super fun.

We're using Morph as a... He kind of does a Terminator 2, Fat Security Guard, a Fat Security Guard thing. Definitely does. This dude, I love this dude who looks like Guillermo from Jimmy Kimmel. He does. It's pretty great.

You know, we break in. Wolverine can smell the beams ozone which is super fun i like that i like beasts a minor poet for a minor obstacle thing just kind of like kind of shitting on whoever the fuck poem he's reading like i don't know dude leave alone the uh the trivia has the name of it i i uh i've forgotten it already but it was someone i've never heard of so that that sounds right john wesley i think yeah something like that um and you know it's uh we're breaking in and like basically right towards the end of it they were about to

Morph says it looks like smooth sailing for here we're about to open the door on a room full of guards cut to next time next time everything's kind of a little different oh first of all by the way Chris not even close it was a person named Coventry Patmore

oh Jesus Christ Was that a civil war general? I love the cliffhanger of a oh no are they are Wolverine Beast and Storm and Morph going to be take it out by five anonymous guards? Oh no, they're going to use their powers

and get out of the situation. Big surprise. These four fucking nobody guards, dude, they're all just drawn the same. They all look like the character designs almost like the race dance from Ghostbuster, the real Ghostbusters cartoon. This is like fat, redheaded guys. Oh, yes, it was crazy. It was a bunch of Irishmen or something.

Like early Star Trek. Yeah. They, you know, we're just breaking in now. Meanwhile, there's some trouble outside. uh some forces are amassing uh so gambit and cyclops and ed rogue are just ruffing them up outside a little a little bit of fun there that's fun i like all of the uh all of the action in this just it's great yes it's all really great it's really innovative it's all like it's not like too rushed it's really it's like casually cut together like there's not it's not a like super fast cutting you know we're let these things do their animated dance on the screen

it's great it's very specific to whose power is you using what how they're how they're fucking with people etc you know what i mean like it's it's fun um meanwhile we are now in the records office and we're starting to beast is putting a computer virus in there meanwhile uh-oh the the files are locked and we'll read i have claws guys why do we always do this it's fine just ask me to use the clause it's fine you don't have to like tinker and try to get the thing gently open. This was like my grandfather, dude, when he would open Christmas presents, he would gently just

use his little pocket knife to undo the tape and then fold the wrapping paper sew. And I was like, it's just going in the garbage with the rest of it. Tear it. And let's get on with it. Tear through this filing cabinet, Wolverine. Tare through it. Which he does. And then Beast

is poiting again. And Storm is like, we don't have a fucking time for this. She just uses her storm shit. So we blow up the computer. Now all all those mutant records are gone. And we're outside. And it looks like smooth sailing again. But, uh-oh, here comes like 90 Sentinels.

And that's the problem. Which is where. They were waiting for a hundred. Like they were waiting to get to that. Like this, did you just wasted 12 of them? You're not going to hit this number, guys. It's kind of an interesting thing.

So like the Sentinels arrive and, you know, you see like Morfka, Wolverine pull back. And then we cut to everybody's gone. And we don't. know what happened to Morph or Beast and like it's like wait what happened did we left them behind? Did this a real? Structurally this is all very weird the way that

they choose to do this where it's like just show us the fight like keep happening right? Like you see the Sentinel like fires a laser at Morve and I'm like well I don't know which way the fucking wind's blown with this and then it's like we're back at the mansion and Wolverine's like damn

you cyclops you got us out of there and I was like wait what just happened and then you go back and watch at all. I love that he gives him a punch of the gut. That's fun. It is a good little... It's because he is drawn perfectly tiny.

Yes. And like it's like if Danny DeVito like it's a real good like little guy punching in the stomach. Yeah. And they're about to... Gene Gray always kind of bugged me on this show. She's a great character.

This show she is a an actual wilting lily at all times. Anytime she's about to use her powers she goes, oh, and faints, you know what I mean? Like Morph gets killed, she goes, oh, she faints. And she's just there to kind of, A, give Wolverine a boner and B, pick up the pieces

and keep everybody separate, basically. Peacekeeper. Yeah, she breaks up the fight and she's like, Scott, it's not your fault. And Wolverine, it's not your fault either. This is when Wolverine goes off to whatever bar, the Jack Nicholson bar, which I do love,

Yeah, he's at Nicholson's, dude. The bar is called The Two Jakes, right? Excellent. I do love Wolverine stealing this car, and he, like, takes out his claws and cuts the, like, the roof off another car. He's like, tell Scott, I gave him a convertible. It just, like, steals this car. I mean, you're really just pissing off the professor,

because that wasn't Scott's car. You know what I mean? It's a company car that the professor paid for, very clearly. I'll have a new one for you by morning. What kind of janitorial staff do you have to pick up that shit? I mean, yeah, but you know what? That car was the one that had all a Scott's radio precepts in it. So good luck finding all your stations now, Bob.

Good luck finding your stupid Christian rock station. Go find Gospel 103.4. Oh, shit, I just told him the fucking name. Son of a bitch. I told him the number and everything. I wasn't going to say anything. funny. We are now remembering what happens, which is

Beast gets like fucked into an electric fence and we just this guy. This guy gets fucking jacked up. Imagine the smell of that seared fur. Oh God, yeah. No poetry for this asshole.

And he gets arrested. And then basically we're fighting a bunch of sentinels, but there's too many sentinels. and they just run a train on Morphe essentially. These things are just fucking decimate. We don't look at it, but there's nothing left is what I'm guessing. Oh, no.

Absolutely. You'd be like, what, did a pack of velociraptors get at him? Look at that. There's nothing left. He finally morphed into dirt. It just, but we do, which is kind of amazing. I mean, like, you know, a little kid's cartoon, you're introduced to your fun characters. Your comic relief gets murdered.

the second episode. The stakes are high. Yeah. It's pretty high, man. Yeah. I mean, to the credit, though, the comic relief was very annoying. Yeah.

It was really bad. The show did, today they would, they would not have the stones to do it, I don't think. But we'll see. No,

no, but this new one's going to be, you know, I'm just saying like if they did an X-Men show now, I don't think you'd be killing off X-Men in the first episode. Yes. Because the X-Men show they're doing now

is for people. people are age. And like if little kids watch it great, but they're looking good. They want 40 year old men to watch. Exactly. I'll tell you what though. Steve, right now, name and insignificant X-Men. Oh, good question. Maggot. Okay, so let's say

this X-Men 97 opens up and they decide to play into, because the Morp thing is kind of known. Like if you're a fan of the show, you know about the hilarious death of Morp. They have maggot and there's a new one just to make a reference to that joke and kill off maggot. in the first episode.

That'd be pretty fun. Maggot, by the way, had two sentient large maggots that were his big friends that, like, I think he could like absorb energy with them or something. He was great in the dirty dozen. But also, I should say,

they do walk this back later in the series. Morph is revealed to be alive. I think in the next season, Mr. Sinister gets him and he's, yeah, he's like evil or something. And like they're trying to get, like, Mr. Sinister picks him up just at this moment and

fucks with his mind and makes him a batty. Like, what is that then? That's like saving Han there from the car wreck or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Last minute. I mean, but at the same time, it takes them a whole season to do that. This dude is dead that

entire time. Beast, by the way, this entire season is in jail, which is kind of hilarious. I believe the season finale is Beast's trial. Yeah, he converts to Islam. Start writes a really great book. I'll be like, wow, he's a great leader. But, you know, so this is what we imagine.

Cyclops realizes he's got a plan how to get everything back together. So he has to go to the two jakes. He orders a one floor of the cuckoo's desk, which is a flaming shot. Oh, it's awesome. I love on the TV right here, this is where they have the president speaking. And this president looks like that piece of shit. Senator Martha Blackburn or Marsha Blackman or whatever her name is. There is a great thing where they have this president go,

this was done by a robotic police force known as sentinels. And I just love hearing robotic police force. I just picture in my head like an army of robocops. Well, yeah, and just imagine all the fucking people with dead relatives because rocks and fucking sides of buildings have been falling on to them. We know what they are. Those sentinels are stepping on dogs. Oh, absolutely.

They're killing anyone with, like, dyed hair, looks like a mutant, get it, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I do think, I do love, so the president on her, like, stare master or whatever, goes to Geierich. She's like, yeah, I'm going to put a pause on the murder robot thing. Yeah, we're not doing that anymore. Look at this. Look at this. We were talking about the whole, like, conservatives crying about the X-Men now. There's a female president in 1992's cartoon.

insane. Yeah, it's trying to and the bad guy is the, are all the white guys. You know, she's even like empathetic and is sort of sympathetic to the X-Men here. You know what I mean? Oh, wow. Which is a good thing. She's a good guy. It's not even like a bad guy kind of thing. Right. Yeah. I'm just saying it's just like, it's right. It's, it's, watch the thing you love that you don't even know anymore. I like this scene with Cyclops at the Jubilee.

home where where he's I imagine it like he's just trying I think he's trying to find Jubilee right and and I imagine the dad's like and Nick Nalti is holding up the bank right and the kid is there and it's

a beautiful motion picture it's actually a French movie originally so I heard this I heard this professor she's got deep pockets is you going to do anything for my VCR problem or what I mean I'm here I mean like the girl's the girl we had it for a month

she's not my type but you know the VCR is important to me they have a TV with the VCR now if you could get one of those for me I would really be appreciative the girl was gonna come and go

all right possibly maybe a year at the longest my tape collection is forever sir Sir Cyclops did you know that my wife like with threat of divorce made me name her jubilation

would you believe that shit I just was absolutely the D word it came out jubilation or nothing Jubilation But this guy does Because he calls them The second Cyclops shows People's a

An Iceman's brother An X2 And calls the fucking The Federales He calls Gyrick And Garrick is like We'll send somebody right over And then like

Talking to him He realizes that Cyclops The good guys You gotta get out of here I just signed your death warrant I'm a fat asshole. It's insane that Cyclops does not dress this dude down in the slightest. He's like, oh, well, that's okay, sir.

People fear what they don't understand. I was like, I don't know, Scott. People fear what they don't understand, but adults are responsible for their actions. How about that, too? Like, how about both? And he just fucking narked on me. Exactly. Narking is never okay.

And fuck you. But yes, this is when he winds up, he sees a guy, a sentinel across the street. he rips his arm off and the plan is uh oh hang on you know how he rips his arm off by making a not joke because this oh yes goes goes surrender mutant and he goes of course no yeah blast this thing it is 1992 ladies and gentlemen uh that was cutting edge for it was i remember as a little kid's like oh shit cyclops just you're not oh wow razor sharp comedy and he winds up

the robot goes to Detroit, Michigan I get you know this is another thing that Detroit you know the cars went out the Sentinels came in they were like all right this is going to be

a big industry for us yeah it cuts to that sometime back and it's like a black site where she's being held is yeah yeah and there is this whole thing where the president

like tells Trask and other guy there like hey you need to fucking cut it out out Gyrick with fucking with these X-Men. She goes, did they perhaps have a reason to defend themselves? Eat shit,

Gyrick. That's right. What I'm doing, I'm bringing industry back to Detroit. They will be building the sentinels. Those old closed-down factories are reopening with laser blasters. Yeah, today they bring in all these

Chinese-made sentinels. We're going to put tariffs on them. And we're going to build sentinels in America again. Do you know what these Chinese sentinels do? They just play TikTok at you. That's all they do. They say just

put big TikTok screens in front of you and they hypnotize your children, folks. That's right. That's what President Obama, who's still in office wants. So it's a raid on the factory here and this is fun action

stuff. Jubilee actually escapes herself. She uses her powers and blows a hole through the wall is almost about to be captured but oh here come our good friend the X-Men and it's it's a free-for-all a lot more action here I love the Wolverine

climbing up the Sentinel with his with his claws cutting his head off yelling this one's for you Morf I'd be like dude that is a major LOL it is because I don't mean like this is what this is what this show did well was the melodrama in all the performances

like everyone's at 11 and like literally thinking they're doing Shakespeare but they're doing a dumb kids cartoon like you know Cal Dodd was like in near tears being like this one's for you Barb and it's like that's great that's what I want and while this whole action sequence is happening including screaming over the this one's for you more the theme song is going do they're fighting to the theme song for the show which is great which we always love when that happens any other action highlights for anybody here just you know we're fucking shit up it's fun i love that the the sentinel uh gets fucked up and then falls into the factory yes yeah that's great and everybody's like not like

let's just call it that's it yeah it's enough are they kind of doing uh are they king konging with the sentinels and by that i mean like are the sentinels sort of changing in height from scene to scene okay not intentionally but yes it just sort of was i was i was I was wondering if that was something that just kind of happened to be happening. Because if you think about it sometimes they're like as big as a building and then sometimes they're like three feet taller than Cyclops. Like that can't be the same

thing. When that happens, a wizard day. I see. Exactly. Exactly. I do love I mean it was the style at the time, but the jackets over our costumes. Some people need jackets. Some people I guess they're a little colder. You know, just

Cyclops, a little colder. Gambit knows he looks stupid. it, you know what I mean? And he's like, all right, I look like I'm dressed to fucking champion a bobsled team. I got to put a duster on over this thing. And he knows the duster's going to get away, which it does. A dust a little bit. Works every time, Mona Mears. They, you know, they, they save the day. And then at the last seat is like Jubilee, uh, pack of their shit. I can't believe this shit. And like saying like, I love you guys. Thank you so much. It's been so wonderful. You know what? I'd be like, I hope so, I hope

you one day understand what you did to me. You know what I mean? Like that is the last thing she didn't say. It's like, I hope one day in your darkest hour, you feel half as bad as you made me feel. Goodbye. You are absolutely correct, dude. But instead she literally says that they were the best foster parents ever. And I smacked my forehead. Turn your cheek, you know, forgive, right? I'd fucking electrocute these people. well you wouldn't be an ex-man you'd be on death row

I'd be in the brotherhood of mutants dude I'd be a fucking oh I would be I mean I'm bitter as I'm bitter cynical on a piece of shit now so give me powers look at it I'm definitely joining Megadito's crew then you get to cozy up with that mystique dude that guarantee that mystic's in the ass play 100% oh yeah yeah oh yeah that and uh what a pterodactal man you get to hang out with it

Dude, she could turn into any ass you want. Exactly. My friend, because now that my old hookup morph is awesome. So yeah, we're Jubilee is reconciled with their shitty

fucking foster parents. She says she's going to visit them, but she's never seeing them ever again. And the adventure kind of continues. Much like this adventure will continue on Patreon on the top tier, by the way, top tier patrons only folks. Starting next week, we're going to recap

episode by episode X-Men 97. If you go on WHMpodcast.com, you will be able to find out the release schedule because there's some funky stuff going on. We're doing it basically biweekly, but we also have a tour coming up. But rest assured, every episode will be recapped in this inimitable style.

You're going to have so much fun. We're going to have so much fun discovering what this show is together, folks. So until next time for Andrew, Eric, Chris, and myself, this has been too old for this shit. Bitch! Thank you.