We Hate Movies - S15 Ep759: Poseidon (with Justin J. Case)

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

“You don’t know why anyone is on this boat!” - Steve, on the bad script On this week’s show, the guys welcome back their good bud, and official WHM Disaster Movie Expert™️, Justin J. Case to chat about the grimmer-than-average disaster flick, Poseidon! How brutal are all these kills? Is there any other movie that’s this aggressively 2006? Couldn’t they have tried to make any of these characters three-dimensional? And credit where credit’s due, the sequence of the boat tipping over is exquisite! PLUS: Turns out installing elevators in Mortal Kombat’s Outworld is pretty involved! Poseidon stars Josh Lucas, Kurt Russell, Jacinda Barrett, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum, Mía Maestro, Mike Vogel, Kevin Dillon, Freddy Rodríguez, Jimmy Bennett, Andre Brauer, and Fergie as Gloria; directed by Wolfgang Peterson. This episode is brought to you in part by Rocket Money! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. Be sure to head to our website for all ticketing information on our final shows of the year in Seattle, Portland (Oregon) & Boston! And don’t miss our worldwide digital event on October 23 where we’re talking Scream 4! Can’t make it the night of? The show has a 14-day replay window after the broadcast! Make the WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for all your We Hate Movies merch-related needs! Including new Bus Movie, Night Vision & Too Old For This Shit designs!   Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program, I think this boat in this movie sinks because it's like 98% computer animation. This is Poseidon. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Chris Cabin. Just in case. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the fine program, as always. Thank you for tuning in. If you're new to the comedy podcast where we take a movie, good, bad or otherwise, and kind of kick it around for a little.

bit and happy to report that Eric Sisket lost at sea unfortunately but our buddy Justin J.K. is on to the program in the first time in a long time to help us talk about this one. Hey, who could have pushed him? I don't know. A disaster movie expert, Justin J. Case.

This is a disaster movie, right? This is a disaster movie. Yeah, it's like a contained disaster movie. You know, we're out at sea. It's only one boat. This not doing so hot is probably the reason we didn't get Inferno. Because you knew they were definitely working on a towering Inferno remake that would be more like the whole thing about this movie that I kind of like is that it's godless. It's just kind of like people die.

All kinds of people die. You don't know who's going to die. You don't know. I'll kill a kid. I could do that. You want me to do that? I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure the little kid was making it to be absolutely.

I really did think so for a minute. it. I wasn't been shocked. Well, you're right, godless, because the first movie, the OG, which I just watched for the first time. I should say, by the way, one, we're talking about Poseidon from 06, directed by Wolfgang Peterson, and now,

Steve, you were referring to the Poseidon adventure. Yes, which should also be called the Poseidon tragedy, which I don't get the adventure part when you're on a boat and everyone else dies but you. If you make it, dude, it's one hell of an adventure. Yeah. victory yeah who let to the victor lay the spoils like if it's your adventure yeah who's my adventure

your tragedy that sounds great sounds like a Y P not an M-Ping the only thing I remember from that first movie and it's kind of funny because it's Shelley Winters having a death that is unrelated to the boat calamity that they're in she just kind of has a fat lady heart attack and dies? Well, she does a heroic thing where, like, she holds her breath for far too long, and I think the idea is that that is, because they keep talking about her weight, the entire movie is like, oh, this old,

this old fat lady isn't going to make it. And then she, like, does this big, big heroic thing where she holds her breath, and then she passes away and it's like, after the heroics. But, speaking of the godlessness, Gene Hackman is a priest in that movie. That's what he is, or a

preacher of some kind. And, like, his his whole, like, philosophy, which this I would love a philosophy at this movie, is this idea, is like, oh, you know, we, you could pray to God, that's great, but what you need to do is work through what God gives you. You know what I mean? We're going to do it together. So, like, this is a huge problem that we're dealing with. But God isn't going to save it. God does exist, but we're just going to work through this problem that God gave us. Well, yeah, it's very much, you know, be a leader, work, be a problem solver. And you're like, that is what God really, God really wants you to be. ultimately is a problem solver I mean you say it should be called the Poseidon tragedy and I absolutely agree with but I need it has to be the double Poseidon tragedy

because it is both what happens to the ship and Gene Hackman's hair I cannot if you haven't seen it before take a look now it is horrendous to it took and they did a bad thing to my boy they should have just

let him be his normal haircut and it would have been fine he's got this ridiculous comb over he should know the second it gets wet he's fucked it's like don't sign up for the water movie Justin you've seen you grew up with a Poseid Adventure right

I'd say Poseid Adventure is is was one of my first favorite movies I loved all yeah it was just like I remember seeing it it gave me this like grandiose feeling of watching a real movies, I think coming out of like childhood programming.

I think I just caught it on TV or something. And I recommend it already. So the original, not this one. Oh, yes. What's the grim death situation of this movie? Because that's the one thing I forgot about this movie that we're supposed to be

talking about, the 06. Like, there are just fucking brutalities left and right in this movie. Like, people are getting squashed. people are getting incinerated. Oh, no. Like, it's a fucking violent ass movie that I feel like they kind of, they skirt an R rating because like it's all just like people getting whacked with things for the most part.

But like, Jesus Christ, there are some horrible deaths in here. They're incredible. And like, I honestly think they're halfway to a good idea here. If you bump this up to like ghost ship slash deep rising, level of deaths I'm getting on the ship I don't need the supernatural stuff but you got to get creative

like there has to be sharks in the water somebody has to burn alive in the water like there has to be some really torturous stuff going on because this feels like a horror movie that they just won't give over the idea that it is horror like they want to play up the tragedy of it so much more and I'm like that's not working

it mostly just feels like a cheap Titanic for most of it oh it's definitely cheap Titanic man and I'm you know right down to like you know like Titanic's got propeller guy and so on but like we mentioned it already but like the biggest difference is that movie is chock full of characters you care about both big and small and like this 06 Poseidon I don't give a rat's ass about any of these people the little bastard included a little shit boy yeah gets himself stuck in a cage yes let him let him go dude I don't know I don't know how he finds

We'll talk about it, how he finds a cage. Yeah, he falls ass backwards into it. Now, before we get into the movie, let me ask you guys this. Anybody see this in theaters? What was everybody's experience with this one? I think I was with you, wasn't I, Andrew, when you saw this? Chelsea and I saw it at the White Plains movie theater there, the multiplex. I feel like I was with you, or maybe I was with Steve.

I definitely saw this in theater with a group with somebody. I never, I never, I, first I ever saw it was last night. Oh, really? Oh, okay. we got there late Maybe he was there and you didn't know spying on a date you know

it's just a little hobby I have yeah got so good friends to do we zodiac each other that's all you just gotta just breathe heavily through a mask we're getting better we're not taking guns to there anymore

it's just dry runs that's all we're doing it was particularly bad because this was before it was like you know it was 2006 or the era before assigned seats at the movies. I remember like we got there kind of late so we had to sit kind of

close and it was that that White Plains Multiplex had the fake IMAX where they like call it an IMAX but like the screen dimensions aren't exactly right but anyway we were in the front of this thing. Still a massive screen. Dude when this fucking boat starts tipping over and all these people are going

I almost vomited. Like I rarely get motion sickness and I'm actually like really excellent on boats in particular but something about sitting close during this movie I was ready to fucking he've... Well, they really lucked out that the 4DX experience was not invented in the age of Wolfgang Peterson and his high points. Because like this, and isn't he also responsible for the perfect storm? Perfect storm. A movie I've watched multiple times and cried every single time.

Both of those times, if I'm in a 4DX, I'm losing all my lunches, several of them. Did he control, copy, paste that fucking big wave from one movie to the next? Control C, control V, new movie, big wave. Now I have the new movie. Now, come on, let me put the Nazi submarine in this one too. Come on, the wave and the Nazi submarine. This wave is so like the TTW, the time to wave. is admirable.

Yeah. Yes. It gets to it. Yeah. It really does. And I feel like that's kind of part of the problem, right? It's a damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, right? Because if it took a while, we're all sitting around.

You know we'd be complaining, wow, what took so long to get to the wave? But what you sacrificed by having the wave right up front is you blow through all this really weak character set up and give these people the tiniest little bits of characterization and then it's wave time and then all that other stuff doesn't matter and I feel like at 98 minutes you could have popped in like another five just to beef these characters

up before wave happens if IMD be of Trivius to we believe yes that's what there's a 25 minutes there's a two hour cut of this movie and a lot of it was the first half hour which is would make a ton of sense of just like setting everybody up and stuff

including by the way that Fergie and the captain played by Andre Brower had an affair. Well, yeah, of course. And that's with that moment. I was wondering. Yes. Yeah. Oh, obviously. Thank you. Yeah, obviously. At the end

when they're so, like, delicate with one another, I was like, oh, yeah, of course they're fucking. Yeah, absolutely. This delicate nature comes from. Yeah, I didn't get it. He looks at her like, Fergie, it's time for us to meet the abyss. And I'm like, where did this happen?

Exactly. That's not a look for just two co-workers on the same cruise ship let me tell you. But yeah, so apparently that was what the first half hour was, which I kind of agree with you, Andrew, where it's like you are, I do kind of love that this movie's 96 minutes and the wave is just, the wave

has set off before the credits, you know what I mean? Nobody knows it's on it. Oh, absolutely. Speaking of the credits really quickly, just to get this out here and then to get into the movie proper all the way, but I was curious about this watching it because aside from some spectacular Kills, including some

Chef's Kiss, Krispy Kritters. Is this Wolfgang Peterson's worst movie? Because I know Troy's pretty bad, but I don't know if it's as bad as this is. I think I prefer Troy to this, but barely. Because it just uses a good cast better

than this does, I think. Sure. Okay, yeah, yeah. Because I was going through it. I was like, I don't know, Das Boot obviously great. Air Force One, that's a good time. Oh, yeah. I mean, perfect story. I think is like a mildly exploitative melodrama

because those are all real fucking people watching die like that outbreak kind of rules yep that's another solid one definitely a stay tuned I've never seen an enemy mind I've always kind of wanted to it's fun oh the Lugasa Jr.

Alien movie it's a fun little movie it's worth seeing so this might be this might be the nadir of his career here I think it's his It's his worst in that I know that he knows how to tell a story and there's not a story here.

The action is all very competent. I could have used a little bit more clarification as far as we're at A, we need to get to B. For a movie with like 12 maps, I'm always kind of lost. Yeah, oh, good call. We are breaking out a lot of maps and floor plans in this movie.

There's a lot of maps and floor plans. But I don't know what he's, he thought what if it's a big I mean it's just it's paycheck the movie right like yeah the first thing I thought it was any was anybody doing this for anything other than a paycheck

but that can't be I don't know what fire he thought he'd set ablaze by making this film I think Steve's right if we're making these like big as if like if the trend became such right like oh Wolfgang you did so great remaking Poseid Adventure now remake

Towering Inferno now make airport 77 again like all that you know we get airport 2006 or whatever you know it was I mean we were coming towards the end of the disaster craze and at the end you still have them trying to resuscitate it like that's with every trend I mean that that's not just that this was right at the end of it and like also that comes with I also think uh the Titanic thing I do think like they were like boats are big why not put more More boats in theaters. I think we can...

Why not? What else is big? Let's make a movie about that. Why don't we make... Why don't we just put some money into Chris Columbus's The Lucitania? How about that? You know? And I bet you that is just going to put money back in the system.

Well, because that's what movie studios too, right? They just go to the river and start panning for stuff. You know what I mean? And like, once they hit stuff, like, oh, that's all... That's where all the gold is. So it's got to be all comic movies. It's got to be all horror movies. It's got to be all horror movies.

it's got to be all we did TV remakes for a really long time you know what I mean like it could have been yeah tower towering inferno sort of blah blah blah a disaster movie shit you know um this movie also I don't Steve I think you called it out on letterboxed but this movie's like aggressively 2006 and I think one of those ways you just look at this freaking cast list though uh you got Freddie Rodriguez Kevin Dillon Emmy Rossum Josh Lucas fucking Fergie

like we mentioned this is rough I mean this is as 2006 as it gets yes you've got Fergie in a film you've got a large a significant poker sequence you've got the mayor of New York is a hero like what else do you what else do you need

to make this as 2006 as it needs to be the entourage is involved it's it is fucking yes the thing that fucking tips me off is Freddie Rodriguez there was literally one year where he was allowed to be in movies and this was it it was this and lady in the water

and that's kind of it if I remember correctly. I feel like he got a lot of chances and Emmy Rossum has had more chances than almost anyone in this business. Well, she was on that, she was on that shameless TV show for like 15 years, that's pretty good. The thing that

she was famous for was being the dead daughter in Mystic River. I mean, that was her first big thing and everybody was like oh yeah, so you're the dead daughter, okay. Oh, that's my daughter in there. I didn't know that with her. She was the daughter in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's also, I believe she's the

female lead in the Gerard Butler Phantom of the Opera. She is, yes. Indeed. That's one of her many chances that she got. Yeah. Thank you by giving them. Oh, that is. That's a, that's a movie I love to sit down and chat about it. Let's do it, dude. Let's get it on the books. Terrible. That thing's a fucking stay tuned and a half.

I haven't seen that one. But we start with Josh Lucas running, which is a reference to red buttons running in the original movie. We've got to have that, I guess. Oh, that's very weird. And this is, by the way, he's running on a computer boat. I mean, this, we're trying to do this big sweeping kind of single tape. Now the camera's going up the stairs of the ship,

and like none of it is a cruise ship. It's all supercomputer. But Josh Lucas is in, as the top building, lead of this movie. That did not happen very often, Justin. Am I wrong? Or, like, as a Josh Lucas expert? No, let me, we just check my

Lucas files. No, the Lucas file say he, I mean, he's also not very good at this movie. I feel like, you know, you can, you can blame a lot, like, I do like he's the explanation for his

character where they say, like, what do you do? And he's like well some people lose money and they lose it to me yeah i'm just like i but that's a good that's a that's a that's a good succinct character character demarcation but not for this movie and then because then the movie is like oh cool cool you're you're kind of a kind of a small like a you know a scammer none of that's going to come into play into this film but thank you that skill of him as this like cool poker guy is not going to have to have to help them get off this sinking cruise ship and I feel like again because he he clearly has all sorts of like military training like Kurt Russell's like oh how long are

you in the Navy and he's like oh too long or whatever and I'm like what is this character and I feel like you chop the 25 minutes off the front of this movie a lot of stuff like that just isn't making any sense and that poker thing because it's like the one detail there could have been other details is what I'm saying that were given in the 25 minutes And if it's the, that's the one detail that gets through, you're right, Jay. Like, I got no use for a card shark this boat's sinking. I don't know what you're talking about. Like, you could, if he had, if he had beaten the full house the wave had, we'd need to have

this movie. Wouldn't be happening. You could have beat him right there at the table. And the wave beat him, though. The rogue wave had the best hand in the fucking business. That would be great. A big rounder style final hand. Josh Lucas v. the wave.

Dude, talk about splashing the pop. by the way it's just like perpetually like cycling through the water is that well could you you know what I'm gonna stay I'm gonna stay I'm gonna stay I'm gonna stay with what I have yeah I mean because Josh Lucas always had this energy of like he was a rogue was the idea and like that's sort of what this character is yeah but he's not roguish enough where like he would have made an okay gambit if if everything broke right in the early aughts oh sure like yeah yeah not bad he's got that roguish energy to him but it never it just never quite worked out for him except for those the home depot commercials which are oh man i bet those pay nice too i bet that's a very

you know what i think like barry pepper he always need to get nastier than they were allowing him to yes like he would play a better dark character and like once barry pepper did that he popped he's been great since he decided like i'm just playing villains now my favorite josh lucas is him in American Psycho playing his anti-Semitic friend where you're like hey dude I know we're killing people could that guy relax with the anti-Semitism and even even uh what did Christian

Bill's like cool it with the anti-Semitism it's it's so fucking funny the way that that plays out and that's what he is he's a piece of shit you know what I mean like he plays a really good piece of shit on that Kristen wig Palm Royale show on Apple really it's a recommend

in this house I think that shows a lot of fun I literally have never heard of it Because it's an Apple Plus show I'm not kidding That's not a joke I've never heard of what Paul Morale May or may not be Because it's Apple

Yeah I mean you know with Lucas As far as like things where he was sort of top billing Because he's kind of a good scumbag In that really shitty stealth movie Because he's like the third bill there Maybe second bill With Jamie Fox that one Yes

Yes Oh man He's also a piece of shit in the Hulk movie Which I haven't seen forever But yeah, he's like the, whatever, just a nasty guy that hates the whole. Shitty guy. Yeah, like, he's the shitty guy to Eric Bann. Oh, to Eric Bann, oh, and the Aung Lee one, okay.

I think it's his piercing blue eyes. Yes. I think they're just a little too, like, I was under the impression that he was, like, kind of a cokehead in this movie. Yeah, I'd buy that, sure. And, but he did nothing to give me that idea. Just dislike presents. I was like, those eyes are too blue for me.

Can we get into Kurt Russell? I mean, like, it's such a fucking drag. Like, him, this, like, it's too, like, they give him, all you know about him for the first, like, 40 minutes is he's a beloved dad that loves his baby dirter. And, like, he's very concerned about whether who's sticking it where and why. He walks in, she's about to ask this dude's D, by the way. Sure. And she's like, we're just sitting, dad. And he's like, come the fuck on.

think but and then we find out not a we find out way too much way too soon he is the mayor and he used to be a firefighter there was some sort of scandal and something something his wife and then like all of all of that happens and none of it actually happens but again how does this apply to vote survival yeah the firefighter thing was helpful right exactly that's he knows his way around an emergency situation he's brave the fact that he's the former mayor of New York. He's not even the mayor. She says like, oh, he was mayor when I was a little girl. So it's been like, I don't know,

at least a decade since he was the mayor. You're really counting on that, like not getting a cynical reaction because like what they're trying to tell you there is he's good at leadership, but everybody like I fucking hate the mayor. I don't like the mayor. You show me a mayor of New York City that

doesn't at the end of the day turn out to be a stand up guy. Somebody who I'd stand behind. Come on, everyone. Everybody, we got to get off the boat together. Let me tell you something, dude, if I was fucking stuck on a sinking boat with Eric Adams, I'd throw myself overboard. Or if we're stuck in the overturned dining room and we're stuck on the Poseidon, I'll stab myself in the fucking throat with a fork. That guy's not saving shit.

If Eric Adams is on either of the dark night boats, the other one's going up. Just know that now. It's just, don't even think about it. But this boat has garbage cans. Oh, he is just hated in this town. But yeah, you got Giuliani. I mean, maybe Dinkins would be an okay boat hang? I don't know.

I'll tell you what, Ed Koch hanging out on a fucking big swanky cruise ship like that. That would have been pretty fun. You want to hear a 12 second Ed Koch story that you'll enjoy? Oh, yes, I do. When we went, I went to go see Prairie Home Companion recorded live with my father. And Ed Koch was there. And he immediately fell asleep. that checks out for a number of reasons

that's another thing I have in common with Ed Koch that's a certain level of power you just buy tickets to sleep at expensive places I've slept everywhere yeah I've done it all I slept at the Paris Opera House so we have

we have him and yes Emmy Rossum is his daughter and then this fucking nothing, this white sheet of loose leaf paper playing the boyfriend. The great Mike Vogel, 2006 is Mike Vogel. Mike

Vogel? I want to say, what is he in? He's not much. Is he on the tree hill? One tree hill probably. He looks like a person that could have cropped up in one tree hill. Yes, he's always in a movie that I've always

wanted to do. Anyone ever see the movie grind? Oh, the skateboard move? Yes. He's like the lead in that. I guess he's in rumor has it. Oh, he's in Cloverfield, which I haven't seen it forever. Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But, like, yeah, he's just like, he's a nothing.

He played Johnny Foot in The Help. Okay, great. Yeah, I mean, he's just the threat of penis in this movie. Yes. That's literally you could just have a penis walking around with Emmy Rossum. But that's why, like, I mean, and I get it for like the storytelling sake I guess my daddy's you know my daddy saved me daddy's gonna save the little dirt or whatever yes but like that dude is played by Kurt

fucking Russell and the guy who survives the movie is Mike Vogel it's it's not exactly Bruce Wilson Ben Affleck is it it's no no no it's not even though this movie steals the shit out of that scene oh yeah oh unbelievable It's not, but if you laid out everything in the world and put them together, like, they are the same thing. Well, yeah, Kurt Russell just at the end of the movie, he's like, hey, Mike, you want to do, you want to do Armageddon for a minute, okay. Yeah, he Armageddon. I don't think that anybody in this room didn't say to themselves, hey, Armageddon at the end, you know. Exactly.

I'll say this, looking at, so we're talking about like some writing choices here and whatever. It's written by a dude named Mark Protasevich, who his screen, his only screenplay credit before this movie was 2000s The Cell with Jennifer Lopez and Vincent Donofrio. And then the next year after this, he wrote the script to the Will Smith I Am Legend. Oh, boy. He's got a story credit on the first Thor movie and then nothing. writing-wise. Screenplay for Spike Lee's Old Boy remake. And then

this was surprising. A show I liked actually, he's the creator of that, speaking of shows you don't know about an Apple, Sugar with Colin Perel. Oh, okay. So interesting-ish career for this guy. He wrote The Cell? Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

If you put two different, you put Poseidon in the cell next to each other, they are not the same thing. No. I have to say, that he's impressed on P I'm impressed by his diversity there because this is

this movie is I mean there's like some of my what's the this reminds me of like Universal Soldier where there's like 10 words you know like there's not a lot of chat in here and it's not a lot of like mind bending visuals

no mostly water it's mostly water and really bad CGI water and then and other CGI things that look terrible. Like, it really looks ugly. You know what's looking ugly and definitely created

by computer technology in this movie? Richard Dreyf is playing a gay man. It's rough, man. Like, what the fuck for? Come on. I don't mind it. I mean, I mean, things have come to light about Richard Dreyfus lately that makes his

age worse. But, like, he's just like, oh, you know, I'm I miss my mail. He has to, like, He's like, my lover, beat, beat, beat, who was a man? You know what I mean? I mean, the dude, yeah, it's that. It's just like, but like, think about what he does as that character, right? It's like that thing, which you don't, you don't know right away that it's a dude.

No. Because he's, you are introduced to his character crying on the poop deck, leaving a voicemail. Yes. Oh, please, please call me tonight at midnight. Oh, I do you do the call. I do you hear your voice at midnight. Oh, because it's New Year's Eve, by the way. Yeah.

I can't forget that. And then, like, later, he's fucking, like, in a moment of anyone can die at any second. And, in fact, Freddie Rodriguez does die second later. He's, like, coming on to him. And I'm like, okay, this is how you present this character's screenplay. Come on. It's a very problematic character. But then when he gets scared, he flaps his arm like a bird.

So that's a problem for me. It's just bad, man. It's very dumb. Yes, that's how we are introduced to him, call me at midnight, crying on the phone. And then the other person we kind of meet here is Ilan, played by Mia Maestro, who's been in a bunch of stuff. And she's like, you sort of set up at first, you think like, oh, she's like the girlfriend of Freddie Rodriguez. No. But not exactly.

And that's another kind of weird thing. She is Dita Stoweway. Thumbs down. Steve is angry already. Steve is fuming. Stowways and little shit boys Or disgusting shit boys They're everywhere I feel bad

We're there Checkmark, check mark But is this a weird Like citizenship play I was confused by What she's even trying to do I was trying to make it to New York But it was too expensive

And then I met this guy at a club And he said I can stay at his room She's trying to see her brother Who's sick in America I see In New York specifically Because also that's a great question Because we come into this

movie technically 25 minutes into the script if we're to believe i mdb where the fuck is this boat out of no it's a great because we just meet it the middle of fucking ocean yeah i have no idea so you don't know like yeah is it like a miami to new york thing is she like cuban or something and like getting like i you know you don't know the one thing i will say about all these cuts though is that like after watching the uh poseid adventure and it's not like it's not the worst thing I've ever seen, but it is bloated as shit. It is so long for things to happen in that movie.

And like, this is the other version. This is the B movie version where it's like, take off all the fat. I just want the deaths and the natural disaster stuff and like the adventure stuff. Everything else goes. Everything else has to fucking be pushed off the side of the thing. I cannot deal with it. You want me to connect with the characters? Fuck that. No.

You want to know where the boat? is coming from or going to? No, fuck that. Nobody needs to know that. It's going to go over anyway. Yeah, then we also have what's, Jacinda Barrett playing, is it Mia? Do I have that? And her son disgusting shit boy, who?

Connor, an all-time disgusting shit boy. He played Jim Kirk as a disgusting shit boy in the Star Trek movie. What's your name, boy? James Tiberius Kirk. He's fucking turd listening to the BC boys And he's also an orphan

As a disgusting shit boy there I mean it really killer run for this kid In the film or orphan What does he play? He plays the brother of the family They come in Oh sure And he's like I don't like you

You're disgusting You know what I gotta give credit Because like he did He does seem to play people You're supposed to be annoyed with And like he knows his strength at least I gotta give him something

for that. Jacinda Barrett, I'm realizing I haven't seen her in much because I didn't see Ladder 49, The Last Kiss, or the Human Stain. The other three movies,

including this one that are on her known for on IMDB. The last kiss was, I think, her, like, the one she was trying to be serious with and like, boy, howdy, if you watch that movie. Because that was Zach

Braff's follow-up to Garden State, right? Oh, oh, was it ever? Yeah. She was on that... I didn't see that movie. Oh, really? Oh, no. Icky, Icky,cky.

really fucking bad she was apparently a big enough role on the Kyle Chandler bloodline show on Netflix that some people will tell you it was okay yeah I forgot yeah that's not a bad show can I get to something from the IUDD trivia about justinda Barrett and Emmy Rossum

specifically in a new in a new feature I'd like to start on this new season 15 by the way I'm sure it's so great to have Justin J.K so our good friends be our first guest of season 15 as we start our new feature shoe watch Oh, yes, I know where you're going with this.

Emmy Rossum and from IODB, I'm going to read this exactly. Trivia. It's under the spoiler category too, by the way. Well, some people are very particular about their spoilers. I don't want to know until it happens. Look, if it's a Reebok, don't tell me. Emmy Rossum and Jacinda Barrett's shoes stay on through most of the film, including swimming underwater.

But they both lose them at the end when they jump into the sea and subsequently climb barefooted into the raft. i.e. if you're out there, if you're looking for it, if you're looking for the barefoot, you just got to hit the fast forward, man. Hold on to it. Absolutely. And that is, you know what?

For a lot of people, you're right. That is a spoiler. Oh, man, I went to watch Poseidon. I already found out when the toes come out. You want to be surprised by the Tootsie's. The Tootsesies should shock you, really. No, in a world of Google alerts, nothing is a surprise anymore. Tutsies, Google Alert for Tutsi.

Yes, Tutsi Alert. I love this. You know, uh, you know what I'm pretty thankful was, uh, not deleted from the beginning of this movie. Was, uh, Andre Brower going, the incomparable Gloria. Yeah, the way he introduces Fergie, like, as the entertainment after he gives a big, nice, like, New Year's Eve speech or whatever. and boy oh boy it's just like talk about hitting the fast forward button she comes out singing no thank you it's it's tough i mean yeah we met we we met almost everybody uh we just didn't we just meet

lucky larry oh fuck because yeah we go after after gloria starts performing we get it's kind of a nice shot up to this like high roller table and there's like uh uh josh lucas kevin dillon and kirt russell are playing poker together this is where we learn that uh russell is the ex-mare of New York City. It's also when we learned that it's 2006. Oh, it's poker. Got it. Yeah, exactly right. Oh, Kevin Dylan's here? Of course, then it must be 2006. Or it's the Reagan

movie that just came out, I guess. Oh, is he in it? Yeah, he's Jack Warner in it. Oh, God. What, Jack Warner? He's got this, like, a ridiculous bald cap on. It's amazing. Oh, good. God. I'm seeing a lot of shit floating around that that's

one of the worst movies of the year. You have no, it is amazing. Bad. Really? Who plays Reagan in this movie? Dennis Quaid who is like you The thing with the problem with that is like You don't know how much of it is just that Dennis Quaid is like sucks now

And isn't good at acting and how much Is it supposed to be the Reagan impression? Like it's just like You're constantly like is that just him failing at acting period or is he trying to be Reagan? I really don't know Well so okay so I'll I'll jump in and say that I think it's a

combo of stuff, but it's more definitely just your very, he's clearly concentrating on doing a Ronnie Reagan impression because I saw already the new, I'm going to butcher her name, I think, Corley Faragea, the woman who directed the new movie The Substance with Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley. Quaid is in that playing like the head of the television station that Demi works for and like it's a great performance, but he is. is playing like a fucking irredeemable reprehensible piece of shit man and like sure

I think that's why it works but like he's at least good at doing like I definitely think he's really great in the movie but he's playing a scuzzball. It was a disaster to let him be the young Reagan too because he Oh no way! Yeah like his

not like when he was like a lifeguard but like when he's like an actor. Making movies? Yeah he's always Dennis Quaid and like Like, the way he talks, it, like, folds in on itself. Like, when he's younger, like, well, that's the old voice. What, like, oh, that sucks. It's just so bad.

I can't even explain it to you. Okay. Okay. Best movie idea I've ever had my entire life. Here, come. Okay, let's do it. Philip Baker Holm. Sure.

Okay. Plays, uh, not a celebrity, but just kind of like, um, like, he just plays like a character throughout their entire life. Yeah. So you get Philip Baker Hall in sort of a Billy Madison's. Yeah, okay. I like where you go with this. It would be, okay, so then he's in college and he has to pledge.

Radical. Radical, dude. Oh, God, I love him. Somebody had me that beer brown. Yeah, so like he's an old man, but he's playing like a 20-year-old. Yes, exactly. Throughout the entire life. And then it only becomes believable once the character turns.

like 65 and then it's an amazing movement. Oh, dude, the curious of Benjamin Fussin. Yeah. Oh, God, that man is amazing. He's a fantastic man. Yeah, I, oh, question about Reagan, and then we'll stop talking about

a movie where the rest of us haven't seen. But when he's doing young Reagan, did this production have enough money for de-aging technology, or is it just old-ass Dennis Quaid? It's old as Dennis Quaid the whole time, but I will say they they'd go to pains

to try to avoid doing that stuff I mean like it might be partial like it just looked he just looks like shit the whole time so I don't know

like but like they do go to the point of John Voight who is like the narrator of the who's doing this insane Russian impression oh Jesus and is narrating the whole movie

as a communist defector what that's how the movie's structured oh I gotta see this Yeah, this thing is, this thing is riding right off the top of mouth. He is, he's playing himself as a younger man, and, like, he gives himself fake eyebrows and, like, the shittiest way you've ever seen. It is disgusting to look at. Love it. Love it.

From top to bottom, one of the ugliest things I've ever seen. Oh, I can't wait. They should have shot him like Marlon Brando in Apocalypse now, just always draped in darkness. Baws everywhere. Oh, that's amazing. So this high roller table. We're playing poker. And we, you know, Josh Lucas is about to win.

And Emmy Rossum comes, uh, just like, hey, it comes up to her father. We find out that the kids have a secret, by the way, earlier on. Like, oh, they have a secret. Yeah. So what are you going to tell your father? Yes. Dot, dot, dot. And in script writing in these terrible movies, that's just one of two things.

Either she's knocked up or they're just getting married. That's it. If they're not marriage, he's knocked up. If, yeah, that's pretty much. And, uh, but he's, he's like in front of everyone, too. Yep. Do you really have to have the tits out? You know, those tits.

You want to button them tits? Do you have button them tits, sweet baby girl? It's not appropriate. It's not like, this is a whisper conversations. This is a, this is a, can I talk to the other room? And then have this conversation, if you have to have it, which you don't. It's too late. That's what she's wearing.

It's too late. This isn't like a comment on anybody's body or anything, but it's not like it's Pam Anderson like it's a normal dress like I'm wearing a normal dress like I don't get it I think that's important to note that she's wearing a normal it's just a normal dress and there's a little bit of cleave and she and he's like put him away put him away

that top button you better come on honey do that top button there and like she does the top night yeah she does the top button she looks terrible yes there's even a fun not I want to say fun but like there's a moment for uh what do they call a character in this film where he's like isn't it cold in here tear take my jacket right and he's like physically you can physicalize that conversation yes to which would which would

double is some sort of like because i don't believe that any but there's no love in this film there's like nobody like i've never seen with going back to drivers for a second like you i've never seen a person i've never seen a movie where somebody wants to die from the second you're I don't think I can recognize it's giving me like leaving Las Vegas vibes and it's not like the ending of the movie it's not like the ending of the movie brings it like you know spoiler he survives this and it's not like you at the end of it it's all like and I've learned to live again and yes no exactly no there's no like big revelation or anything he just survived it that's it can I tell you guys I had uh and you know whatever it's

jump into the last scene of the movie but who cares uh there's barely enough movie here to go around but i had a i don't know where i got this fucking mandela effect false memory from but i remembered the end of this movie being they're all like in that life vest or the life raft or whatever and like the choppers are overhead like they're going to be rescued or whatever and somehow some way richard drypice's cell phone ring that dude calls him with like i'm sorry i'm late to the call what's going on and it's like oh you had no idea what I've been up to and when it didn't happen I was like

yeah it's better for it yeah it's a little better for it I think things have it's been a little bit upside down recently yes but so yeah so like and maybe Rossum to get him back is like oh he's got a pair of five's dad

really so like he loses this is a pretty high stakes poker match by the way I think the pot's got something like $40,000 at least yeah what is the mayor of New York do with this much money? What the fuck's going on there? Blowing it on fucking fraudulent lawsuits. I'll tell you that much.

Buy my coffee. Oh, dude. The coffee company filed for bankruptcy. No. I just, I read that yesterday. Dude, I can't keep up with this dude's losses. It's beautiful. No, it's never ending. It's a rogue wave of losses.

Oh, all right. Another million dollar idea. Sorry, I got them up there. A Rudy Giuliani like loss daily calendar so every day you can get on he's a favorite

it's another way that he's just defiled himself so then here's my question JJ where do you put him on the bed about to take his

cock out in the Borat movie is that December I think you or is that maybe February for love Steve

it's March 31st my birthday because that's the most disgusting thing that I know about it well no I think February

for the love you have to go with a fucking and marrying his cousin that's yeah that I think that was true love if you ever saw it yeah that's that's Valentine's Day for sure then the

what's it the the oh god the landscaping yeah four seasons four seasons total landscaping that's got to be like a that was like you could slot that June through August

because he's sweating so much it's like oh the dog days of summer the fucking The hair die melting days of summer. Yeah. No, yeah. I mean, I won't be happy until I get like an X-Files, the episode Home movie about the Giuliani family. That is about what I need for to really sink in with what's been going on there.

But so, you know, whatever we see like just in a better and a kid bump into Josh Lucas. And he's like, hey, watch your kid or so. He's like kind of being a scumbag. kind of flirted with her too. Yeah, there's some flirting going on. And she, like, calls him on it, though, because she's like, because he says something like, oh, are you and your husband taking the whatever it is?

And she's like, I've seen you clocked my wedding ring finger twice now. And are you just asking me that? So I will then you already know the answer to the fact that I will answer, no, I'm not married. She really calls him out on it. Well, he's pulling the, the Al Roker in Seinfeld. Is it your boyfriend going to miss this seat? I don't have a boyfriend.

interesting. I'm a professional gambler. How you do, ma'am? It's like, I'm a mom, and that's the only thing you know about. You have no idea what she could even, what she's doing on the boat. Like that, and that's the thing, too, is like, you don't know why anyone's on this boat.

And, like, aside literally from Elena, who is the one that is, you know, stowing away to meet her brother, no one else is going anywhere. I don't know. And like, because you don't know anything, Steve, it feels like and it didn't

but it feels like this cruise is just to celebrate New Year's Eve and it took off that day because I'm sorry I mean I'm trying to think now I mean I've seen a lot of movies that take place on cruise ships in one way or another like a lot of

you know especially a lot of like old timey you know like 1940s Hollywood movies there's a lot of passage kind of story they all start with them getting on the boat they just wanted to make it lean like that's just like the idea is that you cut all this shit off and then you have the positive of it being lame but what you have left is not particularly good i must say like the fact that like drifaces like nelson's whole characteristic is like up until this point is okay uh husband or or male partner is leaving you uh b you can afford a really good wine yes and see you want to commit suicide uh and like that is essentially what we get to him uh and like it doesn't like we don't learn anything great new through the adventure.

Like there's no great revelation about him in that. It's just this. This is it. Like poultry fucking pickens. Well, because he goes out, you know, he's sitting with a bunch of friends of his and,

you know, he orders like them. They seem like they're like them enough. I think they're hangers on though. Oh, I think they were like, hey man, this guy's got off himself,

which means he's clearing out that bank account, one for days. So do you have your will on you? Because, I mean, you could just mark that up on your own. you know. Ah, cool.

I'm a lawyer. Let me take care of that. Oh, yeah. So Bradley is off of your will, right? Good. Fuck Bradley. I am here to help, as you know. I think it's very generous of this character who, yes, intends to end his life in minutes

from where we are right now in the movie. But I got to say, like, yeah, generous. You splurge on this bottle of wine that costs five large. That's very cool. but there's like I don't know like six people sitting around that table

you're not getting a ton of wine out of that bottle six people are sucking on the tea to that thing man it's definitely a small poor and I do kind of like the idea that this is I think Steve said something

about this just being a New Year's Eve thing and like that's it wouldn't it be fucking hilarious if this like was just a little bit off the port of New York like all this happened just a little bit right you just barely can't see the city anymore yes well that that'd be great because the wave

the wave is coming dude yeah finally well exactly there's your disaster movie like shit's hit land now road wave here we come oh there's a cruise ship that's stuck in lower Manhattan now that's something yeah your eyes weren't bigger enough nobody nobody nobody nobody knows like why that wave The, doesn't the cabinet

They're like it's a rogue wave Yep And they're like Yeah So what causes it At least in the original There was like some sort of an earthquake Somewhere

Yeah All I need is a tectonic shift And I'm fine That's it And I'm begging for one But yeah So like Again it's a

So yeah he's like Oh boy I really miss you today And I guess That's the end of my life And he's about He's got like one foot over the rail he sees the wave

and he decides to go back on the boat this is a cry for help I'm sorry but if I'm in that situation I see a wave and I go listen

that's a wave but I'm undeterred I made my decision like I'm my decision well no but that's even even if you are like I'm like 45% ready to kill myself

and then you see that enormous fucking wave you're like So I'm going to go in there and get impaled by someone else's fucking toes. You know what I mean? No, I'd rather fucking surf the fucking big one and die. You miss this point entirely. I think you went back in to get the boogie board. I see how much if he could really take on this wave.

Because how the fuck does none of the radar equipment fucking pick this thing up? Like they didn't just man up out of nowhere? We have one second where the radar guy is like, Oh, my, oh, dear. Something's off. Something's off. Something's off. He says it like three times.

I would love if there's one thing where he's like, oh, God, this is, oh, my God, oh, it's coming. Let me guess the captain's with Fergie. Of course, I got to fucking deal with this. Because the captain had to see Fergie tonight. Just another thing I got a deal with. Yeah. I mean, if when he goes, there's something wrong and then he's like, uh-huh. Is it a wave?

Yes. Because you're right, because there's another dude, I don't know if this guy's like the second in command or whatever, but there's another guy behind him who's like, what's off? What are you? Hey, Jeff, what are you talking about, man? What's off? Because the dude's not like, oh, I hear something, you know,

or like, what's that uptick in the, you know, wind or anything other than something's, like, would you smell it? Like, I don't understand. If somebody says something's off. Yeah, my mind's like, what? Did you eat something? I don't even know that it's related to the sea the way that he says it. Yeah, it's like, oh, you had the clams casino at lunch too?

Yeah, I'm feeling like the shits are coming. I feel something, something's off. We're out of cocktail we need. Yes, exactly. We got to get more weanies. Can we get a ship out here with more weanies on it? I got to say another thing here, as far as like this movie, not knowing how to do things.

like they have this big new year's eve countdown and we get to the new year and everybody's cheering and instead of right away breaking into old langzine like which this band would do instead like they decide to have the score just do this swell of triumphant music everybody's fucking high-fiving and hollering like that's the music for the end of the movie when whoever has survived like finally heroically jumps off the boat to safety and meanwhile wouldn't So you're, that doesn't, that doesn't happen, you wish, Richard Dreyfus, or trade down, and he comes in and he's like, huh, ha, what do you be like, there's a, oh, ha, there's a big wave out there, there's a, oh, ha, would that be sort of something, but he just kind of comes in and, like, takes his seat or something. What he does, and it's very funny, because he goes back in, he, or it's, oh, no, no, no, this, oh my God, you guys, no, it's very funny, and it's what sets him to go off on the balcony. in the first place, he checks his cell phone at midnight.

Yes. No message. Yes. And he tosses it in the sea, less we forget. Yes. No coming back from that. But you're right. Like he does just go.

And that's what I thought he's going to do, Steve. Yes. Everybody, everybody. Oh, my goodness. Everybody. Look what's going on out there. Yes. He just goes back inside.

Yeah. Well, I think maybe inside his head he's decided that if he does, since he knows the rogue wave is coming and he knows what it's going to do. he has some idea of what's going to do he technically can like take these souls to the afterlife they're his because he's like since he's not he's not telling anybody so he might be a

perpetrator in that so he might have some of these souls to be his slaves in the afterlife or he's uh you know uh you know a believer in the fact that like you're not granted you know entry into heaven uh if you commit suicide

like your soul is damned so he's like oh perfect i still want to die but this wave's going to do it instead. But the weird thing, I mean, like he acts like I did when I broke my buddy's nightcrawler toy and put it in my pocket and pretended like nothing happened. You know what I mean? And then like, and now it's just lost. You know what I mean?

It's just lost, you know? That would be funny. He acts like when you hear something at night and you're just like, well, I have animals. I'm sure it's an animal. But then in the back of your head, you're like, I don't know what that sound was. Yeah, exactly. He'll just go to sleep. He just comes back to the table and, like,

they're all like talking amongst themselves and he's like looking and darting his eyes everywhere he's like, I think he shouldn't himself? I mean that that is the look for a way out and like the emergency in this I think it's a toilet thing. Yeah, he's probably shouldn't himself. Thankfully

quicker than we got to it, the wave hits the boat. And it is it's a great sequence. It really is. This movie turns into a hellraiser movie for like seven minutes. It's just like pure carnage and blick. Oh, boat passengers, you have walked through the hallway to hell,

which I'm going to now fill with fire. Oh, sorry, I got this lament configuration game on my phone, and I was kind of playing with it. Dude, fire rips through this hallway like a fucking dragon breathed down it. It rules so hard. Turns your lungs to rice paper, is he said? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

When Kurt Russell was talking about that flash fire or whatever? Yeah. Flash fire. And they're like, what is it? And they're like, so it's a fast fire? No, flash fire. Okay. So they're dead, right?

He's like, oh, yeah, but I'm not done with them yet. So what happens is your lungs. Because it's the only time, I think, it's one of the few times that his, his backstory pays off in the smallest of ways. Yeah. And by the mean, when I say the smallest of ways, I mean that because he was a fireman, he could tell when people are dead. And he's like, don't worry. I'll pronounce the cause of death. Fire.

They are dead from fire. This one was flash fire. This one was fast fire. This was just normal hallway fire. Fast fire. You get caught up in love. Oh, and the boat is tripping over. We get some, like, great impalements here.

some like real fucking falls like dude a lot of people hitting things like the sound design of this movie is kind of great like the sound of the thuds as bodies are like hitting the floor and this lady hit this there's one lady that really gets it who gets from the top all the way to the bottom and is screaming for her ever-loven life the entire way that's a big one yes i really like that one yes um yeah just a lot yeah a lot of good falls this is by the way i um should be unsurprising at this point but this is where when everything's like going literally like tits up this is when i was like in the theater like i think i'm gonna hurl yes it was uh particularly brutal here um yeah and that's you know oh this i was gonna ask you guys wouldn't it be funny if uh because actually

i can't remember does he make it out of this movie i can't remember now if this curt russell character was his character from backdraft Stephen, whatever the fuck? I was thinking of that same thing. He dies in backdraft. Ah, damn it. All right. I wanted a shared universe so poorly. That's a movie, that's a stay tuned

Olympic time. If only for the that's my brother out there, God damn it! Which he says right when he dies, it's so good. So yeah, everyone in the ballroom is fucked, but then also everybody that was in the disco downstairs

or whatever is also fucked and that's where like Christian the boyfriend and Emmy Rossum were whatever he's got his legs stuck under some scaffolding that fell oh the other thing that's brutal speaking of fucking like fatalities and stuff there's just that one sequence where you're watching like two or three people just get electrocuted by cables oh yeah oh they're getting zapped that's that's that's that's the stuff that I really am like this is just a horror movie yeah right you gotta lean into it like what's interesting about this is the way it deals with death and the way that are just fucking bodies piled up everywhere and not like

CGI bodies like real fucking bodies of like you know extras of course uh but like and I'm like dude this works the fucking Emmy Rossum don't get dick down speech does exactly well that's a weird thing is like the what do you call it there the um you want like a little bit of setup even with like you know Freddie Rodriguez when he like talks to Elena for a second he's like oh you got to get back in there I'm going to get trouble like maybe he talks to two or three people who work on the boat and then you see them get cooked up

you know what I mean? Like that's at least setting something up where I'm like, oh shit his friends got murdered. You don't see it's just a bunch of random CGI people just getting butchered one after another. The fucking carnage of this film it's

I really wish that there was a better movie and this is why we keep I think we keep going on about the lack of first and third act which I don't know yeah I'm an old-fashioned gag

some might say movies need those yeah I like a first act I also like a third act yeah dude funny enough like I was I was having some flashbacks to the Shyamalan flick trap because that's a movie that I thought was like entertaining enough

but like that movie's missing the first 25 minutes I'm sorry like there's no fucking set up for that movie and to make up for it they just have a bunch of really clunky shockingly really clunkily written expository dumps mainly

from one security guard character or like a merch sale guy actually sure and like that's how the movie makes up for it whereas in this movie it just doesn't give a shit and there's not of that just people dying and we're racing towards the credits that's it uh yeah the

boat starts to flip the boat does flip and in the original movie there it's this thing where jean hack where the the boat he's not the captain he's like one of the one of the top top ranking captain people on the boat is saying everybody has to stay here it's much less people in in in the beside adventures like maybe like 70 people in this is like hundreds of people right well because we didn't have like these huge it's a floating city kind of cruise ships back then oh yeah there's elevator nightmares that happen in this movie too holy shit is that something else absolutely they did the like where there's there's uh spikes at the bottom

of the elevator shaft for no reason yep uh the only reason is for freddie rodriguez to be impaled by them and die immediately yeah so uh listen we tried to buy the elevator shafts from new jersey which has a very very very common regular elevators where most elevated shafts come from we got these elevated shafts from outworld uh basically at the bottom that you can have acid or you can have a bunch of spikes. Either way, we have two different types, but there's a thing, is the thing, if they form,

you're going to get impaled. You can weigh that against your conscience, you can weigh that against your budget, whatever you want to do. I'm just saying, no, there's no reason why you should be in the shaft itself. That's not how the design. You're supposed to stay in the car.

No, I do understand that usually it's wire that's hanging these things up. That's very high density wires. But we just think that twine works better. We just think it's a better look overall and just a lot of twine. You know, my father made elevator shafts, and, you know what they used to use? You shoot snake skin. Maybe you should be seeking your lucky stars.

Oh, man, snake skin elevator coils. No, I'll take the stairs. Thank you. We can make this thing out of wood, if you like. That's how we used to do it. It was just a couple of hands, some nails and some wood, you know, like our fathers did. Don't talk to me about anything other than this is what go. Goro wanted, okay?

Goro wanted the elevator shafts to have spikes at the bottom of them. Again, they are from Outworld, not from New Jersey. If they're from New Jersey, that's a different story. Look, pal, you got a problem with these acid pools at the bottom of the elevator shaft. Take it up with the boss, all right? Yeah, the one with the forearms. You got a problem with the buttons? What happened?

Didn't bite your finger like it's supposed to? Oh, no, we're not hiring people to manual things. We got a Cyrex or two to, they'll be taken care of riding the people up and down. Andre Brower makes a big speech about that rogue wave and does the one thing you definitely, like, don't want to do, which is like pretty much guarantee that everyone's getting off that boat safely. Yes. Well, because that's the difference in the beginning. In the original, it's like really like, it's like 60 people who all could survive if they follow Gene Hackman's logic. And Gene Hackman gives like impassioned speeches for them to go and they don't go.

This is like, Josh Lucas like, yeah, I'm going to get out of here. anybody want to shut don't don't let anyone know don't let anyone know we're getting out of here it's it's a joke that fucking freddie rodriguez is just called the map until uh like he right before he dies he fucking gets the name thank god dude they're called this guy the map i'm like yeah you're gonna die soon and horribly by the looks of that nickname uh little kid disgusting shit boy

at the ceiling by the way first things first shit by the ceiling have a tap party playing his PS Vista yeah he is stuck on the bolted down table upside down it's a bolted down piano my friend and it's pretty hilarious

sick shit it's worth it I paused it just because it really tickled me but he's just up there like what in the fuck I was going to say oh what a feeling shitting on the ceiling

yeah no kidding uh yeah so basically this is i do like the and again firefighter skills coming in handy here Kurt Russell's like all right everybody get this big this big piece of cloth here yeah that'll do and they just have them like jump down they catch him it's you know kind of neat or whatever and it's like yes

and by the way may I remind you all I used to be a firefighter on with the movie yes do you have any axes in here because I can really show you something with an axe I could really get to work. Yeah, why doesn't he get an axe at some point? And meanwhile, he realizes, Kurt Russell's precious baby durter is trapped in the club. And it takes, I mean, most of this movie is getting this stanchion off of Mike Vogel's leg. That is 71%.

You want character, you want a character, you want a first actor, a third act, JJ? Wrong. We need to get this fucking metal beam off of Mike Vogel's leg and it's going to take the whole movie to do it. I'm going to try various different, like, various different, like, physics principles that all fail. And also, he, he slides under that thing. This is, this, this may or may not bother everybody, but, like, he slides underneath it and then he's stuck. Yes. Yeah.

Yep. Uh, you, this is where we are privy to Kevin Dillon, this annoying character. And I get it. It's supposed to be. Yeah, sure. But he's like, because, like, uh, Elena and, uh, Emmy, Rossum's character are like yelling at this kid like about getting his legs out or whatever

and Kevin Dillon comes up and he's like oh wow look at this two women squawking at you nowhere to go yeah and it's like then he starts giving them shit he's like hey uh any of you ladies have a change of flat tire sometimes you don't want to pull sometimes you got to give it a good push and also by the way what's the deal with all these dead bodies all around us uh lucky lucky lucky lucky Larry He's just in his own movie, man.

He really is, dude. It is fucking imported from film reels elsewhere. I don't understand this. You know, Amy Rossum, you don't want to die a virgin, do you? Yeah, I'm 49. Neither do I. I mean, he is, I mean, it's like Roger Rabbit. He's cabby, practically.

Hey, who wants to get fucked in the ass? Oh, Lucky Larry. He, uh, uh, uh, uh, me. I love that he just grunts when he walks. I'm surrounded by death and all I want to do is get one last B.J. A.O. He's a disgusting man. He's a disgusting man.

I mean, like, this is, yeah. Do you think anyone was, like, flirting during 9-11? I don't think so. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's just my guess. I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, exactly. The first tower goes down and 10 tower two,

someone's like, hey, you want to, you want to fucking go to closet and fucking make What happened? I mean, if anybody deserved to die on that day, it would be the guy who was just like, sees that happen. He's like, I have to confess my crush to you, honey. Looks at the lady.

I got nothing else going on. I definitely want to talk about this right now. So our two sort of converging gangs meet up into one super gang, which is like the cast of the movie right here. And we got like, oh this is where we learn that Richard Trefuss's name is Nelson first of all he goes to give Elena some water and this is where we get her story where she's like I had to get up to New York I had no money and I met this guy at a club Freddie Rodriguez

who says like oh I you know bunk with him for passage he was pretty nice you know and sort of setting in because you expect it to be like this guy was going for a little quid pro quo maybe like you can sleep in my bunk if yeah exactly She sort of is setting the record straight here, like, that that's not true. And also, like, really kind of hammering home that they're not in a relationship. No. But maybe she hit it. It goes pretty far out of its way to make that clear.

But you can't tell, like, from the beginning of the movie, when he's yelling at her to get out of the kitchen, like, I could get fired or whatever. You don't know at that moment if they're, like, you sort of assumed couple, but maybe it's brother and sister. Yeah. Cousins, who knows. Yeah. It's awfully, it's awfully flirty. And unless you are Rudy Giuliani. I don't think you're cousins in that fact. Get out of here, my sexy cousin.

You're going to ruin everything. Dude, when you can't make a marriage to your own cousin work, I mean, that's, oh, my God. It's got to say, what's his name, Jonah Hill? Yep. Even he ends up with his cousin in that Wolf of Wall Street movie. Oh, yeah. That is a great line.

That is like, well, yeah, we, I mean, yeah, we are technically, yeah, we are cousins. Yeah, yeah, get us up. You know you had that conversation. He's doing such a good fucking strong island voice in that. Oh, yeah, too. It's awesome. And it's like, so we're trying to get to the club to save his dirter. And, you know, Josh Lewis just once knows that he has to go up to go out.

And, you know, we get our intrepid team here of people that want to go, which is all our main characters. We're going. We finally meet up with the other folks. and we go into the kitchen which again, it's a hellraiser movie like butter a butterball needs to be eaten fucking ice cream on the side here

with all of the murderous carnage and blood and fucking gristle everywhere it's really insane like there's one moment I think it's around here where they're like oh yeah because I think they're trying to get out of the kitchen or something and it's like oh

if we just get through this part or whatever and like they're talking they're having this conversation there's just a dead body like four feet away from them slowly being engulfed in flames as they talk through this so yeah I don't understand why you don't want to fuck me no ignore the body he's got nothing to do with it you oh you want him to get in on it I mean I ain't done that before but I be you know I'll give a try for you just like yeah there's like just death everywhere um but yeah so they yeah

like me said the gang meets up and everything Their big thing right here is they have to get over this huge drop in this, like, you know, fucked up metal shaftway kind of a thing here. And this is, it's not the elevator portion, right? This is like they're just trying to cross, because this is where Kevin Dillon eats it around here, Mike? I mean, that's well after when Freddie Rodriguez dies. Oh, okay.

Greatly does when they use the table to get across them. thing. The elevator shaft. Yeah, the elevator shaft. The lucky Luciano there bites it when they're just like, and they're like they walk up and they're like, wow, somebody must have built this just for us to not be able to get across. Right. Well, that's really quickly. I do want to talk about Frederick Rodriguez's death because it's amazing. Yes. They set up a table to go across the elevator shaft and they have to walk across it and then like Richard Dreyfus of all person people is the you've got fucking strapping Josh Lucas and strapping Kurt Russell and they're like hey Richard Dreyfus why don't you boost everyone and do they know he wants to commit suicide

this guy's 60 years old and three feet tall Steve Steve can either of those two men flirt with him that's true if they can't then you've answered your question you need to flirt before you die too that has to happen he's boosted everybody up to the next level of the elevator and then finally it's freddie rodriguez's turn and fredi rodriguez rightfully is like oh this is an old man he should definitely go before me yep so he gives him the boost and he gets up and now like the elevator the table falls and freder jrudez is holding on to richard jufus's legs oh yeah and there's water coming up and it's like it's we're all going to die if we can't get this elevator closed and Josh Lucas is like you got to do it you got to shake him free and like running out

it's like pardon me and he's like I'm sorry I'm sorry it's so wild yes because the elevator is going to fall on yes that's what it is yes and so like basically like Josh Lucas is like look Richard Dreyfus either you kick this dude off and we can pull you up or you're both going to get killed. And yeah, he's just like, I'm sorry for doing this. I'm also sorry for what I hit on you a second ago was inappropriate at the moment. I apologize. I would have,

I would have loved to buy you dinner and take you out for ice cream and some wine, but you have to die now. And this is like he and you see the body hit the fucking bottom, or I guess it's technically the top of the shaft. Everything's upside down. Yeah. He lands

totally pierced through all the spikes and shit. They get Dreyfus up, yeah, for the Outward Elevator service, yes. And then like, it drops down and you see the elevator hit, like where his body is. Like, it is so grotesque, I can't tell you. A classic double tap. It's a classic. Yeah, got to make sure they're dead.

Richard Dreyfus's character was suicidal before. Now every time you close your eyes, you're going to hear this dude scream and feel his hands clutching to your legs for life. that's what you have, that you're carrying with you. I see what you're saying, see, but I think that's, you're not thinking clearly. What, of course, he's going to do after this has become a serial killer. I see. This is, after this, he just, he got a taste for it here.

It's like, if I do it like, it's almost my fault, but not really, then it really feels good. Accidental deaths that I'm just involved with in some way, hmm, feels good inside. And so, see, this is, I was getting mixed up in my notes here because this is what I was talking about when Richard Dreyfus meets a, Elena right after murdering her friend and then like, you know, gives her the water and like, hi, my name's Nelson, who are you? Let's talk for a little bit. And then like she tells

the whole story about meeting Freddie Rodriguez. And like the movie never at any point lets her find out what he just did. But like, I also don't know that Richard Dreyfus knows that she's talking about the guy that he just kicked down the elevator. I don't think she, I don't think He does. Yeah, I think he is clueless on that. And, like, that is a moment for drama later. Like, it's fine if you don't want to do it right then and there. But then later in the movie, you have some downtime in the script.

And it's like, let's take a breather here. And before we got to do the next climb or whatever, he fucking says something about kicking this guy. She puts the pieces together. There's a bit of a, you know, dramatic moment. You know, having the fuck forbid, there's a dramatic comedy. That could happen at a movie. It's not going to happen here. It can happen at a movie, though.

Sure. Oh, sure. those are all great ideas for a film the drama would have to do with with with fucking of course if it's in this one it has some how do with fucking and bonin

but then this is where they get they get to basically one of the big you know open areas of the ship and it's the you know it's like oh we got to get to the other side there's this like inside one of those like inside but like it's an elevator

kind of a thing yeah you know it's like see through you can see the whole ship as you go down and up or whatever. One of those things has kind of fallen across the way and they realize they can kind of climb over it or whatever. And this is fucking, dude, Kevin, uh,

or yeah, Kevin Billen. Oh yeah. Just being wasted and like making fun of this girl. Like, oh, daddy, please save me to like Kurt Russell.

And he's like, this is where you learn about Kurt Russell's like mayoral, or whatever that was short lived. He's like, you quit being mayor and then you lost your wife or something. shit. Yeah, exactly. And then she's supposed to go first because, you know, women and children first. He's like, I'm going

first. I'm lucky fucking Larry. Yep. And he just gets absolutely annihilated, which is fantastic. It's great. Like, you hear all these like bolts popping out and they're making like, pew, pew kind of noises. Yeah, it's like, oh, hey, who's fucking shooting at us? It's like, dude. And then this, I don't know if it's a, it's part of the engine or something. Yes. This huge piece of

machinery falls on this dude. I mean, first of all, who's shooting at you? Anyone who's met you? The right answer to that. But yeah, like a whole engine just fucking takes him out. And then, like, again, he's kind of a double tap too, because he has that and then he drowns in a fire fucking bath. There's no way he survives that thing falling on in those dude. He's killed instantly.

But then he's all worried about his flask, which is so funny because you know that that flask had a first act appearance. Yes, dude, thank you. JJ, you fucking read my mind, my friend, because he drops it. And you know, right, that that, because we've all seen movies before. Yes. That flask holds the luck power of Lucky Larry. Yeah, you're right. And he has fucking said some bullshit at the beginning of the movie of like, speaking of fucking who's shooting out of some guy in Vegas shot at me and this fucking shitty flask was in my

breast pocket and saved my life. And I became Lucky Larry and blah, blah, blah. He drops his lucky flask and then a huge air conditioning unit falls. whatever his special potion is in there, it's what Joaquin Phoenix was making in the master. It was... Oh, yeah. It was whatever... Paint thinner and broken dreams.

Cleaners of several different sorts being sloshed together with ice. Well, you want that on the rocks, you know? Yeah, of course. And, you know, so now we're just kind of going around. I mean, like, and this is when, like, I do think the original film does a better job of, like,

explain what the map is, how we have to go, and where we have to go, and why we have to go. it just gets really muddled from here on out where we're going and why yeah you sort you sort of lose any orientation anyway you know like Josh Lucas at this point because because that thing falls on Matt Dylan they can't or Kevin Dylan they can't get across so Josh Lucas is like watch this fire fighter mayor and he takes the like the fire hose and does like a perfect swan dive into this like flaming up good bit of water that's down there and so swims and crawls up. It basically creates

a zipline out of this fire hose. Have any of you seen true lies? Anybody like that picture? They give him such a moment of that son of a bitch he did it. Like the music and everything. And I'm just like this is you

somebody, apologies, I can't remember. I think it was you, Andrew, that the overture of this film is used so like in points where you don't expect. And he's like, son of a bitch, he did it. And in a coherent movie, you

have those small victory moments but you don't flourish. But this is just like, it's, it's, it's almost the exact same music as they play at the end when they're actually. Yeah. Right. Because he comes up and he sets the whole thing up and you see like Kurt Russell realizes like what he's doing. And he yells

out to Kurt Russell and he goes, are you still looking for a way to cross? And like, that's the end of a movie. Right. That's the thing. You did the thing and the music swell. and you have a cool line right there and uh oh 45 minutes left oh and you know what he would have never

learned to do all that if he wasn't a gamble gambler yeah exactly that's a gambling that doesn't turn you into a weird a weird toad person who hasn't seen light fucking in years no no no you're in peak physical shape and could do double fucking Lindy's

and backflips it's yeah it's either that gambling magic or the too long of time he spent in the Navy were told yeah neither of which particularly makes sense here. If he wants to say that he was a seal, you know, Navy SEAL. Sure, do that.

I feel, you can put that on a character and then, oh, that motherfucker means business. You know what I mean? But like, oh, I just kind of spent too much time in the Navy. I got a thing for authority figures. Like, yeah, big, big old fucking whatever. Again, that would be an act.

That would have been quite a, yeah. I mean, he could have had some real, they could have made him into a real superhero, of making him a seal or something. But again, the whole movie, I know so little about these characters that I guess it's to their advantage. Like, if Kurt Russell just punched through a wall,

I'd be like, oh, okay. Yeah, exactly. Because I don't know how strong he is. Like, I don't know anything about what is any of these characters are capable of. You see, honey, cousin fucker of mine, look at that. All mares can punch through walls that the known thing about mares.

When Kurt Russell saves Emmy Rosson, when he comes out from the darkness, there's like an earth shaking, daddy, immediately. And then on top of that, he does a zip line with her to go across this, the- Aren't you going one by one in a scenario like that? I would think so, absolutely. This dude just fucking tied a hose to a thing. I'm one of the timing it. She is daddying out in this movie. it is it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's left and right that's like 80% of her dialogue it's really creepy man

if you're going to be doing this like it's got to be like a teenage yes she's in her mid 20s called this dude daddy the entire time i mean and married yes and yeah and she's secretly engaged i think they they announce it here or whatever this is basically the elevator sequence or the i'm sorry the shaft sequence where we're going up the shaft and trying to move Oh, well, hang on a second. You're right. But because this movie remembers every once in a blue moon, we got to get back and see what's going on in the ballroom.

And holy shit. I mean, this is the end of it right here because it's Andre Brower looking around. He's like, oh, I told everybody we're guaranteed to be safe. All right. Doing okay so far. Oh, hey. Oh, is that glass cracking under the pressure? Oh, and these people are annihilated.

Yes. I had the subtitles on right here and it just says deep metallic groaning. Because it's not in the movie, he just looks to Fergie like, and yes, my dear, this is it for us too, Furgy. They embrace, they hug. And too Fergie, yeah.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. This is never before have I wanted this to be a horror movie as bad as this. Because those little screws should be shooting off and through people. Yeah, dude. I'm sorry. like this is just think about what is good about your movie for five seconds it's not fucking

fergy i just got it by the way chris all right here it is so andre brower is talking to like some guy on his crew right and he's like status report lieutenant and this guy starts we're fucked end of report uh he starts you know he starts reeling off whatever all the over here this group's doing blah blah blah we got the crews down here working hard to try to drain the blah blah blah and as he's talking Andre Brower notices those cracks and then it cuts back to Andre Brower listening to this kid talk and pew! Part of his

forehead shoots out. Because he just got his brains blown out by his screw. At least somebody needs to look like Keith Dave at the beginning of nope. I need somebody to have that kind of injury. I do love

it's fucking, I mean speaking of horror movie this is really eerie. When all of that shit goes down and everybody's getting killed, cuts back to our intrepid survivors who have all stopped to listen to the screams. The subtitles at one point are like, the screams dissipate.

Like, there's something like that. And then like, after it's totally quiet, Kurt Russell's just like, let's go. You just, and you're like, okay, let's go. And then just fucking Josh Lucas. Told him so. Oh, absolutely. Yep. Just fucking little. A little one.

Hate to say I told you so. Anybody here listening? of the hives that's one point for dillon zero points for that shitty captain uh but yeah so this is when they're going up a you know weird like shaftway we're die hard now we're die hard now but uh oh the the shaftway is locked at the top uh and uh richard drive miss also gets stuck here oh does he ever stuck oh my my little butt stuck here isn't it oh too by that freddie rodriguez was killed by me. This isn't like a dryer. This isn't fun at all. Struck. He's got a tight-tuckus.

It's so funny. This is also where, man, I talk about, of all times to bring shit up. Kurt Russell, given this kid shit for not asking his permission for the hand in marriage and whatnot. Jesus, man. He's like, wow, tradition would have dictated. Yeah, I'd be like, sir, we're climbing up this shaft to fucking save our lives. Can we talk about the traditional do's and don'ts of marriage proposal another time? And also, I just saw 70 people dead. And that's like 70 dead bodies in a row.

Just because a piano falls on a pregnant woman doesn't mean you can wear white after layman. And if I'm, if I'm Christian, I'm like, oh, if we're going to get into it now, could you not be talking about my future wife's tits? Yeah, totally. How about that, dude? How about the fucking slut shaming at the poker table, Mr. Mayor? So shut the fuck up in the back. It's like, what's going on? We're freezing.

The water is cold. Shut up. Shut up. We're dealing with something here. We're drowning now. We're going to drown. drowning drowning uh elena also freaking out uh because she has claustrophobia by the way

another thing you can set up with this character early when she's talking with freddie rodriguez and he's like you got to stay in in your fucking room this is where she says i get claustrophobic really easily i wanted to walk around the ship a little bit yes don't have these character nuances like surprise us moments before they may die you know what i mean like let us breathe a little bit with these characters but no no no she just starts freaking out here and Richard Dreyfus is stuck and Josh Lucas is trying to say like look Elena all you have to do is push this guy's

shoe and like he'll be able to get up and out you just got to help him and it's just that obnoxious we're freezing a scared character and they refuse to do the thing that they need to do to keep the movie going I hate this shit so much and as you said he's stuck now but if your

top just bust open all of a sudden that would also be fine if that exactly you know if you lose your pants suddenly, well, that's just normal. We hear out of Brazzar's Poseidon. There we go. So they get the Kurt Russell's trying to get this thing.

He realizes there's a screw. You can't reach it. He's like, get the little kid with the little factory hands up here. I, is this, this movie does in this section, I don't know if it does it on purpose, but it does something that's very effective for me, where it's, compound it's compounding problems yes but the whole they're never getting anywhere unless you get an 11 year old boy to do something yes i think isn't which is just impossible like i've never seen i cannot think of anything in in film history that i didn't believe more than this kid being able to open those screws yep i was just like why are you going he's never going to open those

screws. You're all drowning. You're all dead. But so they realize like, oh, if he can get something to use as a screwdriver to get this thing open. So Elena volunteers a crucifix that she has around her neck. And man, Richard Dreyfus looking at this thing to pass up to Kurt Russell and he just goes, O'i, wouldn't that be ironic? Oh, Jesus Christ. Too little too late for that. No yucking it up in the shaft. They get out. And is this when they find refuge at a Mountain Dew Machine? They like kind of hold on to it for dear life for a little while.

Well, that's a thing. I didn't even notice. They do the flooding of the tanks next. Oh, right. They get to these ballast tanks. Oh, the water level. Yeah, yes. Josh Lucas is like, listen, I play a lot of online poker.

I know that once this tank. fills with water. This little tank will open. The ballast will open and will go into the next room and continue on doing so. Again, online poker. I know that you think that a card shark having all the answers to this disaster scenario is unbelievable. But let me tell you, two summers ago I got stuck in a little submarine kerfuffle. We were about 500 feet underwater. You see no swimming to the top. We got out of there safe. You know who hatched the scheme? None other than poker's own Daniel Nogromo. So I don't want to hear it again about how

us card sharks can't save the day, God damn it. Are you name dropping it on a real poker player? Yes, I am. And I mean, like, it would make sense. I mean, it's a little early for it. Like, if he was on the boat and he was the guy that got

Bin Laden, you know what I mean? And like, he's, this is like his tour, maybe he's selling books or something like, that's right. I did get bin Laden. You know what I mean? He's shaking everybody's hands. Or it's like, or a Norwegian Cruz offered me this free ride around the world. What with having

killed Bin Laden? Exactly. And that would make sense because you're like, oh, this guy's the Navy Steelie does his way around. He's just introduced a shifty poker player. Well, I mean, you're not serious about roulette if you don't also know how boats are made. It's one and the other. It's just got to go together.

Look, all right, you take a roulette wheel, you turn it on its side, it's a boat wheel. It's the same thing. Same principle. But yes, this is what, so they're going from thing to thing and like it looks like it's dangerous for a moment, but it's not. We all go through it. It's fine. Elena gets it, right? Yeah, we're going to go through a series

of these. That's right. And so they get through the first one, fine. And the whole thing with a ballast system in the boat is like the one ballast fills up and when there's enough pressure in it, it opens a little hatch thing and then the next ballast fills up and so on. So that's what they're planning on doing sort of riding that until they get to

the part of the ship that only Josh Lucas knows about because he's the only one reading these maps I guess and this is where Elena gets stuck in some wires here Dreyfus you know heroically realizes that she's not behind him anymore goes back in the water to get her by the time they get her all out

you know Kurt Russell tries CPR but she has drowned yes thus closing the window on Richard Dreyfus admitting that he murdered her friend. He takes out, he has a star at David necklace and says, you back the wrong horse. Oh, my God.

Oh, yes. To take such a strong stance at such a tragic moment. You're wrong, I'm right. He's like devowed. Their relationship sort of mimics red buttons and this other lady, but she actually makes it through in their. in the original movie like they have kind of a father-daughter thing for a while

but that doesn't happen here and he's just like no elena no yeah he's really he's really fucking taking it hard yeah um and so then it's like okay oh there's there is kind of a nice little line or whatever like when they were trying to get through and Chris the fiance

there is trying to get the little boy to like get on the shoulders he's like come on the swim team yes I'm totally confident I can get you through it'll be fine he'll be okay they get through and whatever whatever. And Emmy Rossum has this nice line where she's like, you weren't on the swim team. Yeah. Kind of a nice little moment of heroics for this kid. You know what I hear a little, a little inside, inside story.

Oh, please. I was watching this. When I was watching this with my wife, she, she, something happened. I forgot what it was, but she had to leave the room. And I got a, I got a, um, don't pause it, which was really funny. Absolutely. Uh, which we all, we all know what that means. Yeah. And then. Keep on going. Keep on going. And then when she got back, she goes, what happened? He goes, I just went, he wasn't on the swim team.

Because that's all that happens for like 15 minutes. Yep. This is where we get to what I was calling the carnage hallway. Because this is where they find the victims of the flash fire. And this is where Russell says burns the lungs like rice paper. But like there's just piles of dead bodies. And they're just walking through it. again unexpected from a Hollywood polished you know even for even by Hollywood polished

disaster movie standards this sequence is particularly grim well you know that's sort of interesting about this movie because it is so grim they can't be no one could be quippy or fun because right it would be it would be way inappropriate yes but it also makes this movie like sort of stiff and dry you know what I mean because no one is quipping or having a good time well they do do it but like it just comes off as so like out of like lucky Larry and like all these other little like you get the little bits but you're just like A they're not good but B like they just come out of nowhere and like they don't add anything like it's like a desperate act of levity

it just doesn't work well you know it's yeah it's like because you you spot the moments where things are coming out of their mouths that are supposed to be funny and you realize they're not at all for a number of reasons the content of it the way it's delivered and so on. This is where Josh Lucas realizes he got them to where he wanted to go but his plan is kind of fucked now because the part of the book that they're on the bow is completely submerged and they can't get to where

he thought they'd be able to jump out so he's kind of having a little bit of a crisis here. There's a little bit of split Kurt Russell, Christian and Emmy Rossum and I think Richard Dreyfuss is also with them they go and they find the room where you would have where you

could fix this issue. Whereas as I think Josh Lucas goes to find the kid doesn't the kid go run on off for some reason this fucking kid like I would have

a fucking leash on him I mean this is kind of towards the end of the movie and this is where it's a huge mistake yeah because basically they basically like all right

we need to find a way out of here or something and Kurt Russell Emmy Rossum and Mike Vogel do which is like oh but we have to go through the propeller tube

we have to turn off propeller tube and that becomes their big thing who's going to do it, that's the Armageddon bit. And the kid is just missing, right? Yeah, because there's a big explosion that happens just when they think all is lost. Yes.

And then that starts making the boat sink the other way, so then the bow is lifted out of the water. So then, yeah, this is where they're like, okay, cool, we can go now. And then they get there and they realize the propellers are still going. Yes. And this is what Richard Dreyfus should die. He's like, let me get that paddle for you. Oh, yeah. This thing, this metal sheet.

smacks him in the face, knocks him down, I'm like, oh, well, he's dead. But no, he's got a little cut on his nose. He should have been decapitating. Yes, exactly. It's insane. But this is when the movie lets itself down because for some reason,

you have your, if you're going to do the Armageddon moment where it's like, you know, heroic father, you know, sacrificing for his baby dirter, not just his life, but like, so that she can have someone to love and yada, yada, yada, all that stuff. You can't cut that against a kid in a cage with water filling up with it

because then it's competing now you're competing against yourself for no reason. These are, these should be two different story beats or you decide on one but to have one against each other. One is linked to the other which would have been nice. Exactly. They're not. They're totally separate events that have nothing to do

with one another and it's just sort of happening and you're like, I guess a lot of stuff's happening on this boat. That's all you can say. I don't know, Steve. Have you ever had a, have you ever mixed a adult in a surge at the same time it's pretty good and it gets you go and you know that's

two tragedies like that right after another that just gets you a boost but Josh Lucas and what's her face just in DeBaroner looking for this kid looking with this kid and he's in a cage and like I think even the mother's like how did you get in there and he's like I don't know I'm like no I don't care how much water is here

how did you get in there what the fuck did you do how did you get in a cage in an effort to get him out but still I'm like stop. How did you get in there? Yes, exactly. But also, I mean, I don't let, I don't let my kid go more than like three, you know. Yes. Like, I, she, she's, why is she not watching him? During, during a fucking apocalypse, practically. There's too many I don't know. Where's the, where's Connor? I don't know. When they find him. Connor, how did you get in there? I don't know.

Hey, Jacinda Barrett asked Judge Lucas. How are we going to get him out? I don't know. Come on It's like when Frank It's stuck in that thing At the kids playground And always sunny in Philadelphia You're like I don't know how I got in here

I don't know My step sister put me here I just don't understand He's in a cage And they're just like I don't know I don't know He's just in a cage

And you know Josh Lucas is like All he does is like Hit the cage a bunch Is that how it works? He just hits him a bunch And then he like swims away And we don't even

because they're trying to play it as like oh maybe Josh Lucas and the boy drowned which yeah okay I don't think so in this movie like he finally just comes up and he's got him and it's all fine and if I'm just Cindy Barrett I'm glad you're alive but once again how did you get in there and Josh Lucas how the fuck did you get him out of there

I know we're press for time in case it happens again I guess like I know I know we're pressed for time but could you just show me the magic hole you found to get into this cage like I just you try the one fucking door that led there and it didn't work. What the

fuck happened? He went above the stage like in Mario and skipped all the rest of it. He got a little cloud and flew away. Well, well, Jacinda Barrett, I just hopped into a painting and that just, you know, that got me in there. I don't know how to have a bitch.

This bubble came. Bubbles about a big battle's big as big as me. And he just moves me right and all of a sudden I'm in the other side of the cage and I go, hey, like kid, we got to find a bubble. One big for me, one little for you. It's a good thing that I got him when I did, because there was a big eel coming out trying to get up there.

And I was kind of getting nervous because my health pie was down to one red slice. I don't know if you could hear it just said to bear about the music. It was going faster and faster. Oh, that was just in my brain. Yeah, that makes sense. It was just in my brain. But again, to cut this against your Armageddon big, heroic, you know,

sad, dirter moment, it just, it cuts all of the tension out of that. And this is Kurt Russell's death, too. Like, you know, he goes, it's basically, it's the same thing where it's like, I think, it's like, you know, someone has to go and unlock the torpedo tube, who's going to have that much breath?

And like, even Mike Vogel's like, sir, you know that I have the best chance of doing it. And when he turns around to say goodbye to his beloved girlfriend, uh-oh, Kurt Russell just went and did it. That's what he does. And that's fine, but you can't cut it against the kid

in the fucking invisible cage. No, exactly. Yeah, it's like one at a time or just one. Yes. And have it be the one that moves the friggin story along. Exactly. So, yeah, Kurt Russell, great moment of death here. Oh, this, you'll never forget it.

This has haunted me since 2006. Yeah. Like, I found the way that he dies very, like, realistic looking. I was like, did they just drown my man for real? because he's just he's doing all sorts of fucking convulsing and shaking and all the right ways I was like this is incredibly believable and then I started getting a lot darker and I was like was Kurt Russell watching videos that like told him what they just cloned him and they just killed them off for each take oh totally like the prestige yes just drowning those dupes one after

all right cut how do you feel about being uh Jemises with your prestige a real good movie, right? Yeah. So that's going to be you. And you won't know which one is the you or which one is the man in the box. Yeah, good question, JJ. I think it was actually, was it was Prestige same year as this movie? Oh, good question. 2005, I think.

Oh, it's so close. Wait, no, it could. It couldn't have been the same year as Batman It's a six. It's a six. So the most, so yeah, I got this script called The Prestige, a real good stuff. I stole one page from it. And we're going to put it in the movie.

Yeah, so they Yes, I mean, he's Really drowned in here But it's weird he like drowns and he does this big And then like there's a The red button that he was supposed to push And then like three seconds after death He pushes it which is kind of strange

I think it's a weird like his fucking Brain might still be kind of alive or whatever Maybe like the heart stopped And he's just like one last push And he winds up turning the direction of the turbines because that was the whole beef before when they were like,

we don't have to shut them off. We'll just throw a bunch of shit in it and break it. And Kurt Russell was saying, well, they're spinning this way and it's just blowing air back into the room. Hence Richard Dreyf is getting hit in the face with that steel door. So we can't do that.

So now they can. So we're going to huck a bunch of shit. And I wanted them because there's a scene of this movie where they're moving a bunch of chairs out of the way at one point. They're just hucking these chairs. And I was like,

there's got to be chairs. like huck chairs into this that'll be really funny now Josh Lucas is like the movie's got an end friend I'm gonna take this big fucking gas canister and try to throw that out and it's like one last moment of like I guess

yeah complication but I guess tension they wanted to be tension right like oh he didn't line it up right so it's not getting sucked out and he's trying to like kick it out without him getting sucked out himself yeah and it's like when he says which is like so

not like he just goes no i can't like he yeah kind of a whimper yes he sort of gives up he's like oh i've come this far i just like can't and they're like try harder well okay i'll do that i'll try a little harder and they gets the fucking gas can out there and it fucking explodes i thought that he was going to go out with it yeah i thought that this was going to happen yeah like he kicks it like okay you know get out of here do it for me and he gets suck zoned. It doesn't happen. Big explosion, you know, and now it's like, okay, now we can get up to the propeller tube

here and, oh, there's the outside. Let's go jump off into the water. Oh, cool. One last. Oh, sweet. One last thrill as the fucking boat almost fucking sinks us while we're in the... I'm like, you've done it, man. It's okay. It's over. Don't need to be doing this, but whatever. It would be really funny, though, if they had Richard Drive was like, finally freedom. And then he like jumps off and like breaks his neckland, landing on like fucking debris or

something. My only regret is that I never got to play a black man. Oh, right. God was that that motherfucker man. He's really something. He's doing a lot these days. Isn't he?

Isn't he though? He is the scourge of the small booker. It's like, oh, I guess Richard Dreyfus, no, don't. Don't do it. No, no, I don't. Look, I know. I know.

I like Mr. Holland's office, too. I do. I think it's a great movie, but please don't do that because we're going to get in trouble. But, yeah, so whoever's left at the end here jumps out. They get into a raft. It's pretty conveniently placed. Oh, yeah. Yep.

There's a bunch just, well, you know, there's obviously, it's the opposite of the Titanic where, like, they didn't have enough. now because everyone but six people are killed plenty of life rafts to go around it was a little late in the movie for this new character CGI breath to show up that's something oh we just never

have mastered that dude like even to this day because now you see not so much CGI breath but we're doing a lot of CGI smoking and it's just we don't have a grasp on it to make this shit look real we didn't in 2006 we don't in 2020. And I mean, you can tell they are running for the fucking exit because

Josh Lucas fires a fucking flare up in the sky and immediately the fucking helicopters are like, oh, we're already here. Choppers are there. And there's no like once they get into that boat, no one's saying anything. No. There's no concluding dialogue. The last line of the movie is Josh Lucas goes, flare before he shoots it off. Because that's what you need a philosophy in a movie. And if there is a philosophy, somebody, can say something according to that like oh we finally made it in spite of all of our troubles or man yeah thank goodness we sacrificed you know that we'll remember kurt russell forever because he sacrificed for us and you know what now he won't be known as the shame mayor he'll be

known as the hero something anything i mean if a movie and i'm normally a fan of like once the adventures over the movies over you know real classic hollywood style kind of shit but like in this instance, you've given us so little about these people that like, okay, you cut off the 25 minutes at the jump. There's got to be an epilogue going on. Maybe it's Kurt Russell's a year later, fucking memorial service, anything to conclude these characters. Where they all own Poseidon ink. They split it between the fucking three families there. Yeah, we're now running this cruise line. I guess there could...

Okay, so I've given this more thought than you'd expect. But I, because I so desperately wanted this movie to feel like a movie, I was thinking about what, and not even like, I wasn't even doing this for comedic purposes. I was doing this, like, because I guess the epilogue is Josh Lucas, the wedding, and then the kids are ring bear. Oh, yeah, sure. And then they make a joke about like, we're like, where are you going for your honeymoon? And it's like on a cruise. And they're like, ha ha ha ha.

Oh, no. It's like, where are you going on your honeymoon? And they just go, Kansas. Somewhere dry. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, exactly. Emmy Rossum is absolutely pregnant, uh, watching on in the pews. She's there. Yep. And they're going to name it little Kurt Russell or something. Little Kurt Russell. I like that the wedding only has. The wedding is completely. surprised if only the Survivors only, please. Survivor's only reception.

Richard Dreyfus is doing the honors. He's like reading the passages for them. Oh, he's found a new, he's found a new bow for sure. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Maybe he got back together with the other guy. Maybe that's the part of it. Now that he's loaded or double loaded.

Right. Yeah, exactly. I don't like you anymore. You spent all your money on that boat. But that is the end of Wolfgang Peterson's Poseidon from 2006. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts and recommendations. And we'll start with our good buddy JJ Case. What do you think, sir? As much as there is some competent action sequences,

it irks me to know when that they put this in theaters and then they were just like, they're like, I'm just not going to watch, even though it's got a beautiful runtime. Oh, yeah. I'm not just going to watch CGI water for that amount of time with no connection to the characters. And you'd think that that'd be a small thing, but man,

I just could not care less about the character, so I couldn't get over it. Chris Cabin. You know, it's not a recommend, but it's just barely not. Like, it's, I find the way this movie is like, like I said Godless and I really kind of mean it. Like, it's so obsessed with just like the plainness of death, like the suddenness of death. And like there is, there's some line in it where it's like, you know, God doesn't get to choose who lives or dies or something like that.

Oh, Kurt Russell says it to Josh Lucas after Elena dies. It's like, it's not fair who among us lives or dies through this. Just know you did everything for her, whatever the fuck it is. And I usually say it to every time I see you. I appreciate that. That's your opener. I mean, I think that's really it. If you want to see what this movie is about,

I really kind of think what's interesting about it is in that, like, by fucking up the characterizations, by making it so detached, you are actually surprised by who is dead. And like, there is no real established pattern. Like, it is people. that you kind of don't expect in certain points. So, like, that to me is a little interesting, a little exciting,

but everything else is so bad, like, including Fergie having to sing three songs, I think. It's rough. So I can't, I cannot sanction this. I'm sorry. Stephen. Yeah, it's one of those things where, like, it's funny, like, doing this show sort of warps your perception sometimes. So, like, for the show, I was thrilled that it was 96 minutes.

I was thrilled that there was horrific deaths and that there wasn't much story, et cetera. You know what I mean? It's exactly what I wanted to watch this week for the show. But as a person and a person who believes in movies as an art form, you've got to be like, no, this isn't good. And that's kind of what it is. It's just sort of like, it

just butts up against that a serviceable kind of movie. Because I mean like Air Force one's a terrific, stupid movie. You know what I mean? Right. Right. which has the most terrific stupid thing in the world and where a plane takes a bullet for another plane

which I'll never get over. But it's just, it's one of those things where it just, it needed more, just like, even like more saccharin shit would be great because then there would be like something. It was like the sandwich was like 70% jelly, 30% peanut butter. Right.

I needed more 50-50. Yeah, no, this is, it's like barely a light recommend and honestly it's just to see the carnage like once the carnage is done like honestly watch the movie from the start this is my recommendation

watch the movie from the start all right and then get to it's as opposed to starting like 10 minutes in you know start from the start make things easy on yourself then once the boat capsizes fast forward until you see

Andre Brower just standing there looking at them window panes, then you get the other bit of mass carnage and then you can turn it off. Because otherwise there's not a lot here you know, yes. Steve, I think you sort of put this together perfectly. It's

perfect for us to produce a show about, but as a movie it ain't nothing. I will say I look back through the filmography one more time, I would put my vote in. The best Wolfgang Peterson movie is in the line of fire. That's just me. Oh yeah. That's that's that's

that would probably be it. Yeah. But otherwise, that is going to do it for this episode of We Hate Movies. JJ, thanks so much for coming back on. Man, it was too long and we're glad to talk to you, even just for a little bit here, about a wretched movie. Yeah, perfect timing. Yeah, anytime, once they send out those two helicopters to find Eric,

can come back. Finally. I think, I want to, Jay, I want you to come back. I want us to be able to really listen to your thoughts as a father. I want to get you back for the pacifier. Oh, expert. The Vin Diesel movie? Yeah, the Vin Diesel movie where he has to take care of the kids.

Oh, I got a tailor to tell you. I love it. I would love to hear it. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. We'll lock it in right here on the air then. JJ Case will return in our Pacifier episode whenever we get to that. Oh, JJ Case returns in The Pacifier. Yeah.

Philippe, get me that. But if you want more We Hate Movies here, of course, you can check out the Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies. Got a whole boatload full of stuff up there, including this one's We Love Movies episode all about Matt Reeves the Batman, which was a lot of fun, big honker of an episode there, us talking about that movie. Steve, we did some Batman-related stuff on AD, is that correct? We did. We talked about John Glover's first appearance as the Ridler in Batman the Animated

series. Great episode. Awesome ending to that. episode we loved talking about it on a Gleap just to because my boys lost at sea we are doing Darth Bain I believe

in his honor in his honor yes it was the last thing he recorded before setting sale yes Darth Bain he was new to us and pretty great so that's going on of course Melrode 210 happened

as like every month of course we'll be getting into whatever's going on at that high school and that apartment complex. I'm sure it's craziness. And also, of course, if you're listening to this on the Patreon at the $8 level or up, that means you got it commercial free.

So if you had some commercial breaks in here, and I know there's a few of you who definitely did, head on over to that Patreon, $8 level and up, these full-length We-Hat movies episodes, add-free. Now, next Tuesday, the show rolls on. Season 15 just getting underway

here on We-Hate movies. Steve Sadek, What are we talking about next week, my friend? Can you believe already? It's the spooktacular, and we'll be talking about Nightmare on Elm Street for the Dreammaster. Oh, boy. And I guess we can announce it here. Every single episode we do in the month of October will be the fourth entry in some sort of a horror franchise. Can you believe how stupid that is?

It is a horror month. Yeah, it's four-or-month. We love forer-movie. Four-or-or movies. including by the way our worldwide digital event aka a virtual live show happening October 23rd

live 9 p.m. Eastern we'll be talking about scream for the final film directed by West Craven you get them ticks off our website or go right to the source moment.com slash we hate movies be sure to bundle in them after party ticks catch us on the road in November

of course because them tour date's going to come up fast too 1115 November 15th we're making our Seattle debut talking Harry and the Henderson's. Is that right? That's correct. We're talking Harry and the Henderson's at Washington Hall. Then two nights later, we're down in Portland, Oregon, 1117. We're at Mississippi Studios, haven't played in there in a while. We're talking the Goonies. That's right. The Goonies themselves. And putting it out, put you on notice, Portland. If that show sells out, we got a special thing

for a late show if they let us do one. So move them ticks. And then finally, we're closing out the year. December 4th, we're heading up to Boston, Massachusetts, where we are talking about pretty woman. There it is. Look at that. So all the ticketing information on our website, WHMpodcast.com, click on that tour page. And next week, we will be back as the spooktacular kicks off talking about a kind of not great forer movie. A night right home street for the dream master. Yeah. Yeah. Three is warrior four is master. Here you got to the master. Yeah, there we go.

All right. Until next week, when Freddy's back, I've been Andrew Juppin. Stephen Seda. This captain. Just in case. Take it easy. Thank you.