We Hate Movies - S15 Ep774: The Holiday

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

“This is gooning for people who like nice stuff.” - Chris  On this week’s holiday episode, we’re chatting about the Christmas snooze, The Holiday! Is this considered a Christmas classic? Why couldn’t we just have one of these storylines instead of both of them vying for movie supremacy? How little romantic chemistry do Kate Winslet and Jack Black have with one another? Besides The Talented Mr. Ripley, has Jude Law been any more handsome than this movie? Why did Nancy Meyers put so little detail and conflict in this screenplay? How humiliating is it when they make Kate Winslet do all that Jack Black-style scatting? PLUS: The guys wish to party with the great Hans Zimmer after one of his big-ass rock concerts!  The Holiday stars Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black, Edward Burns, Rufus Sewell, Shannyn Sossamon, Bill Macy, Shelley Berman, Kathryn Hahn, John Krasinski, and Eli Wallach as Arthur; directed by Nancy Meyers. This episode is sponsored in part by Rocket Money! Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney dot com slash WHM today. That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. RocketMoney dot com slash WHM! This holiday season, make the Official WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for all your holiday needs! T-shirts? Prints? Phone cases? Stickers? We got it all! Head over to our Tee Public shop and check it out today! From December 1, through the entirety of 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the show, we're talking about a Christmas movie that's kind of two and a half movies in one movie. It's the holiday. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Say that. Eric Sisko. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to another holiday episode of We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning into the fine program. That's right. We're talking about a long-ass movie today, folks. This is The Holiday from 2006 directed by Nancy Myers. oh boy oh boy to be fair it's only two hours and 11 16 minutes it feels like it's four hours long this is you know what this is Bridget Jones's encyclopedia

how nice damn where this keeps going and going don't it oh because the first thing was a diary guy oh yeah okay I was just stupid there for a second that is very funny it's just a long movie it's just a long movie

it's a long movie I think and it's just you know it's a better movie than this uh love actually and i fucking hate no wait i don't know about that i i think i i think they're right it's a tie i think i think love actually is just a little bit more bonkers and stupid enough where i'm like at least enjoying it this is just there's just so much paint drying in this film i agree that it's paint drying but i think i like it more than love actually but i will say it's okay to like a movie this is a beloved you classic chris christ Chris, you're...

It's not a classic, my ass. It's a classic. Ebenezer, Chris Cabin. Yes, hello there. Ebenezer is here. Well, you know, people enjoy certain things, and that's totally within their rights. It's completely within their rights.

No, but I'm legitimately curious. And, like, for the record, on rewatch, like, this is just a long, boring movie. I think there are more obnoxious movies around Christmas times that I have watched. So, whatever. But I'm, like, I'm genuinely curious. And this is not a, it's okay to like a movie or whatever. but like, is this actually

a Christmas classic movie for people? Because I do not know either way. I don't know anyone who watches this movie. I saw some trivia. Kate Winslet says that people come up to her like women and mothers and daughters say they watch us every Christmas. But I will say, I agree with you though, Andrew,

because it doesn't have a lot to do with Christmas. Like we have the Christmas Eve scene where it's like, let's make fetichini. And then it goes into a montage of like putting on hats. And I'm like, what time is this? They're taking Eli, Wallach shopping, and I was like, is this still Christmas Eve?

Exactly. It's a Hanukkah movie more than anything, because they actually have a Hanukkah scene. Right, which was very refreshing. Have the balls to make it a Hanukkah movie. It makes it with the Jewish. No, because it's a holiday. It's for all denominations, you understand.

So it's not for anybody specifically. Well, it's also what they call a vacation, by the way. Sure, the vacation would not sell as well, I guess. They should have done them all. You know, get Ramadan, Kwanza, get everything in here. Yeah, get 9. Nancy Myers do all those. I'm sure that would be

Yeah. Oh man. Nancy Myers' Kwanza movie, that can't miss. Very good. Oh, God. It's her audience. Now, wait, no, before we start, Steve, do you want to switch apartments before we actually start recording what the thing? I'll talk to your wife for a little bit.

You can talk to my wife for a little bit. You know what? You know what sucks? That's never really discussed that Kay... How that someone could be murdered in this operation and nobody fucking addresses that? Kate Winslet has a fucking living. dog and like it's not discussed before and like

you see Cameron Diaz walk that dog maybe twice. It's not like I got to go home to walk scruffy or whatever. A note in my in my iPad whilst watching this movie whose dog is that? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. It's not really

addressed. Maybe there's cutting room floor material of the dog and also the kids like when Jude Law is going getting pissed all the time at the pub Oh, dude. We'll talk about him. He is fucking one.

The idea that you have a standing arrangement that's like, if I can't make it home safely, could I sleep at your house? Like, that's, and I would say that's totally like all three of you guys have that. You know, anytime you need to, if you're in trouble, you got to come crash on my house. If you're doing it on a regular basis,

we're going to have an intervention. I'm going to have to tell you this right now. I don't think many men get to do that unless they look like Jew law, sister or no. I don't think that goes down very often. If you're going to go to across the ocean for holidays, you've got to tell me so that I don't show up there, right? Exactly.

Well, apparently she called him and he didn't pick up and he didn't pick up. Oh, that's why she called whoopsie doodle. Anyways, I'm totally wrecked. Voice mail didn't exist in 2006. Yeah, first of all, definitely did. But also, like, that's the other insane thing that, like, they just ignore to make this movie work oh when can we do this

how about tomorrow how about fuck you do you know how expensive that plane taking us are you kidding me well they got it like that it's a Nancy Myers movie so there's two different people and like they they switch lives and it's the haves and the really halves yes of course yeah

because I mean like fucking honestly like Kate Winston's cottage is worth millions of dollars in England it is small and cramped but that's just how that should you ever see house hunters international when people just don't understand what Europe is. They're like,

where's like the sectional sofa and the big air conditioner? It's like, that's not where you're moving, sweetheart. No. But like also you find out that Jude Law and Camerdyo's going on a date to a restaurant and you find out they're from a heralded fucking publishing family. A huge fucking publishing family. They don't have to worry about money ever.

That fucking plane ticket, fucking she'd piss on it and buy another one. If we could. Then why are you dropping these poor kids off with the grandparents, Those guys got to be old as hell They're like they don't want to deal with this You're so rich You should have you know Nannies and butlers

Monkey butlers Eric Grampies of course are not fucking like jackrabbits Jude Law is absolutely fucking like a jackrabbit Oh yeah That's I think your big difference right there He's getting knackard There you guys

He's getting knackard Is that a thing? I thought it was buggered Yeah well buggered is fucked He's getting wasted is what I'd be Oh, Knackard is a little bit more insidious. That usually means there's something wrong about it. There's something wrong about it. It's like getting fucked by the Green Goblin.

You get buggered. All right. Well, for this time of year, the Grinch, maybe, could fuck you. You can get bugger. You can get buggered by the brink. Oh, there's videos out there with that, dude. Don't worry about it. How does this even begin?

Oh, it's with the fucking Shakespeare. By the way, I was just, hang on. I was curious about this. And we're going to get some letters, Steve. Nackard has nothing to do with being intoxicated. Really? Is that sleepy? To tire someone out.

This weekend is really knackered me. Oh, it nackered my knob. Or to damage something severely. I knackered my knob playing on it. Or nackered my liver at getting right pissed down with the pub. That's the one that I said. He's getting pissed. He uses pissed also.

When he's like, the standing agreement with me and my sister is four times a week when I'm too pissed to walk home. I sleep on her floor. pissed like the full Liam Neeson where you got the trail running down your your friend? No, that's the Neeson, ironically. Yeah, that's just really Neeson. I do think you can, you can do it without pissing. I think you can be pissed without pissing necessarily.

That's correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't Neeson without pissing. No, you can. Yes, it's like this very long Kate Winslett monologue about love. Get it in now because this is your movie, sweetheart. Like this movie is giving away to Cameron Diaz at like nine minutes. And you are a fucking third.

you have less lines at Eli Wallach It's just like She's talking about When Shakespeare says you're in love He says you And I'm like I was struggling I was about to turn off the TV

Two minutes in Dude you texted I was like He's fucking faking a plumbing problem To know something Oh I can't do the episode Oh it's just spewing out right now Oh boy

What you hear that Shakespeare said Journey's end In lovers meeting. What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I've not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I'm more willing to

believe Shakespeare had. Dude, you hated it so much. You fucking copied it down verbatim. No, I'm on the Tribune quotes. IMDB Quote. Bound out. Once? Yes, Shakespeare once a doormat, O is a

dormant, and stay where you are, Missy. And chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. click, ac, act, act, act. Yeah, we see her, she's... Well, what you're seeing while you're hearing this, by the way, is not her at all. It's Jack Black tinkering on a piano

because we're watching a fake movie starring Shannon Sossamer. That's right. An other guy who we'll see later turned out to be an item secretly. And Jack Black is a dude who scores movies and he's playing... He's playing the non-diagetic music

you're hearing that, I guess, turns diagetic because he's working on. it and this is her like blabbing about love while he scores some sort of romantic looking movie. He scores movies but not with the ladies. No, no, although I don't know. He's getting with Shannon Sossaman definitely above your par. Oh, way above. I mean, Kate fucking let's let's fucking let the cat out of the bag of course. Kate Winslet, no slouch in the looks department. Not at all. But they try their best dude to make it Frump City and it's like one of the most embarrassing

costuming and makeup failures of it I mean because like it's a it's an impossible it's the Kobayashi Maru yes of fucking hair and makeup and a Hollywood production made Kate Winslet look frumpy and

I mean they even tried with mayor of East Town where she's like you know obviously 20 years old than she is at this movie and she's still like earth shatteringly gorgeous solve that fucking crime

you drunk hell yeah it's the accent the accent is really what does it for me oh yeah oh my god does it really that's revving the engines right there is what's how I mean, that's, she's plurting more with fucking Eli Wallach.

Like, she really is. She should fuck him. And Jack Glass. No, she should shot him. Kill him. Ready. She's a, she's a grampy hanger in this movie. She needs to be a full-on grampy shagger.

At least one. Eli Wallach, you might remember from the good, bad, and the ugly. He played the ugly, of course. Also from a baby doll from the demon Elya Kazan. tons of stuff storied career huge actor and he's great

every time he shows up in this movie this movie brightens up a little bit so she his movie is my only part of the movie I'm interested in

Eli Wallach forgotten legendary Hollywood screenwriter give me a tight 95 minutes on that that gives you one movie you enjoyed more than me

in this one because to me there really isn't like Steve said that Cameron Diaz takes over I don't think anyone takes over I think this is

just like warm water pouring over a bowl like just nothingness. I think as far as screen time though, if you're if you got a stopwatch here, her and Jude Law's storyline gets absolutely the most screen time. They get like much more I feel

but you forget at length which is fine that Jack Black is in this movie. When I was watching this it felt like the watch stopped. It felt like time ended and it felt like weeks went by. Because it is. It's a fucking 70 minute movie if you were actually like

hitting it but like there's so much indecision like I think that's what Nancy Myers likes is her characters to be crazy indecisive because there's like 15 minute scenes where you're just like you were trying to make one decision and none of it makes it it's none of it's funny

none of it actually makes sense that you would drag it out like this and like that is mostly the Jew Law and Cameron Diaz thing is like when you then morning after they fuck and they can't decide whether or not they want to see each other again I wanted to throw myself in a fucking a volcano i was like losing it so uh she's at a uh k was it's at a holiday party and this her friend shows up and it's just smoking at this holiday party in 2006 dude i couldn't

believe it yeah it's just like smoking man well this lady's great too this yeah that's true europe yeah sarah parrish has this brief hannah character it's her only scene but like she's smoking she's like Oh, we having a shag tonight. Like, she's going, she's like, she is the fucking British cartoon character that you get up front, which is pretty great. Basically, you realize that she used to go out with Rufus Sewell and they, he cheated on her, but they decided to remain friends. Oh, man, real dormant shit. Yeah. Did you get a peep at that guy's name, Rufus Sewell, the actor, he's playing Jasper Bloom.

That's the name of a cartoon chipmunk and a tweed blazer. Yes, Jasper is the name of the cat. That's not a guy that's a chipmunk that delivers the mail to fucking Peter Rabbit. I almost choked on spin drift. That's amazing. Hello, Jasper Bloom. Yes, exactly. Good morning.

You got a letter for me today, Jasper Bloom. Ding-ling, ling, ling, ling. Right? I'll talk to you later, Peter. I'm going to go back to my mushroom house. Oh, look, it's Mr. Town. Hello. fucking these people at this office hate Kate Winslet

that this to allow like I'm sorry the boss like the boss makes a big like hey we have a big announcement here our our Jasper Bloom is getting married to Sarah something or other we've got that's probably correct because Jasper is in it seems like for a moment

Jasper and good old Kate Winslet are going to get back together in the, in, like, the office. But then, like, immediately they're like, call out, okay, everybody out here. We're called of the man you're obsessed with. He's marrying this hot piece. Come out here, honey. Let's go.

Let's see this. You're burying the first part of this, though, which is that he starts with addressing Kate Winslet, and he's like, Hey, Iris, we have a big story for you that you have to cover. The next huge, like, wedding scoop of the year, this dude you used the date like holy God

they have to know he has to know they fuck like it's oh yeah if they didn't report to AR it was just at least gossip and this is absolutely devastating you can't go back to this office like you're done no you just she's like crying on the floor like she's trying not to

yes she cries all the way back she crawls back into her Thomas Kincaid painting and goes to her cottage I got to tell you this fucking commute would have me suicidal what is going 40 minutes? They say 40 minutes. My ass, walking up that fucking scoop is fucking 20 minutes.

Steve, you got to remember you are getting like the Royal Guard is essentially is bringing you there and back. This is a fucking rich woman, like really fucking rich woman. This is 70 minutes each way. I don't want to hear fucking 40 minutes for anybody. That's fucking real estate slanders. I commute more to see your face. He's got to there, Steve.

It's fair. We're also skipping over something that is, it's great when these happen in movies because it's always as vague as possible he comes in, she's working and so the whole thing is also she's like a cheap Carrie Bradshaw because she's narrating

and we're hearing her write this column as she clickety clacks it. So he comes in and she's like oh perfect I have a Christmas gift for you and he's like uh oh and she pulls out it's clearly a book and this is the classic movie thing oh my god you didn't it's a first edition

of what? Who gives a fuck? That drove nuts. Dude, I don't say anything. But he goes, why are you so great? Anyway, I'm going to publicly embarrass you in a major way in a few minutes. He also then pulls the, oh, I definitely got you a Christmas present, but I believe I left it in my car. No, no, he has it.

He has it. It's devastating heartbreak. And it's not, and a nice bow. He left it in his fiance, who's not you. To be fair, it's, uh, it's, uh, that. That sucks. You have to say the book. Just tell me what, you know, you're Nancy Myers. You're well read. Just tell me. Give me any book.

Oh, that's the fucking Nancy Myers thing, man. There's no detail. A first edition of mine cumpf. How did you know? It doesn't beat my favorite of those, which is in the movie. If anyone remembers the boy next door with Jennifer Lopez. No, I do not. Why would I remember? It was like her, a couple of eight, nine years ago, like she's trying to like bang a younger dude next to her. and like she's a professor of whatever and like to seduce her

he gets he gets her a first edition of the Iliad which is like thousands of years old that's incredible like a scroll he brought up to do you have Indiana Jones to go find it here's a first edition

of the Bible will you marry me it belongs as a birthday present this belongs in a museum you can't use it to fuck Jennifer Lopez first edition of the Iliad is that true I'm a thousand percent sure it's the first edition of the alien because I remember laughing on it that is so beautiful like that but like again it doesn't make any you could have said anything yes exactly said anything and you just were like no

fuck it get on with it let's see her more sad let's get on with the sadness I just took a first edition of fucking I don't yeah whatever who cares yeah But so she goes back, she's like crying all the way on the fucking, on the tube there. Then she cries all the way, all the way past her fucking. Oh, that's no. It's the joke, right. She holds it in. Oh, that's right.

And I mean, like, honestly, she is sobbing. If I was Cameron Diaz and I was coming home to Ed fucking Burns, I'd be sobbing. That's what I would be doing. That's right. We cut back to Los Angeles and here's Ed Burns waking up. There was like a little montage at the start where we saw all of them. So we know that she and Ed Burns. are together, but it doesn't matter. He wakes up,

uh-oh, he's been sleeping on the couch, and here we go, she's throwing shit at him, you fucking cheated on me with your assistant, yada, yada, yada. I just don't, like, this is I'm going to do this a few times because Nancy Meyer's style is something that has aggravated me for decades now.

We're working on decades there with Nancy. I just watched, she was married to Charles Shire who is the guy who did Father of the Bride, the remake with Steve Martin. They did a movie together called I Love trouble, which we will do once, which is Nick Nalty and Julie Roberts is fucking crazy. But I was just watching this and they do a similar thing in this where you know what this scene is.

They're breaking up. You know it from very early on. Like within the first minute, you understand what's happening. But for reasons that make no sense, it's not like there's a quip. There's not like there's a line that I think would really make you laugh, but you have to spend five minutes being like, well, because I did this. Oh, no, you did. You did this. And that's because of that. And oh, you did this. And oh, I did that. Oh, my God, I did that. Oh, no, I did this.

I got to, I will say the one part that made me laugh at this is when she's got him on the lawn. And she's like, just tell me, tell me, tell me, because we're going to even go. And I mean, like, it mirrors real life. These arguments do go on for hours, but it's a movie. Let's fucking go. Exactly. And they don't sound like this. But so she's like, just tell me, did you sleep with that woman or not?

And the gardener is there. kind of just gives them a quick. Don't do it. Don't you fight. Dude, yeah, I wrote that down too. That guy's amazing. He's like, oh, man, do yourself a favor. I don't think so.

Honestly, the scenes where there's no talking are much funnier. That's where your dreamer is in this movie. We find out, but he's like throwing shit back at her and he's like, yeah, well, that's because you can't cry. And I'm like, I wouldn't bring that up right now. What? Is that a medical problem? I don't know.

I don't know why you would bring it up. Well, it is some sort of. medical problem because he's like, I know when you try to cry, it gives you esophageal spasm. You're like, what the fuck? Okay. Also, the chestnut is you just don't want to be what I

need. Nice. That's a good line to throw at you ladies. You should change for me, don't you understand? Because I'm at Burns. What I need, which is I need to pump into something constant. Do you know that Ed Burns is still making his Woody Allen-esque movies? I did not know this.

No way. Yes, because he's stilled movies? You know he's a smooth talker. That guy can find $8 million. Yes. Like, he can do that. It's amazing. No one's seen them,

no one even heard of them this year. Something called Millers in Marriage. Yep. Came out. I have no idea what this is. I bet you, I bet you was at Tribeca. I bet you $100.

Oh, yes. The Reject Festival. I just, and the whole Ed Burns thing, man, I was re-watching Sirbert ride on the plane. And I was like, this is kind of his movie. And the bummer is,

it's like all. this anticipation for here comes this next new guy and it's just not he's not. No. Well, because he's not that mode. I mean, he is the like brothers McMullen mode. That's the thing. Those movies that's what he wants to do. They're not even necessarily bad.

They're just like inoffensive small family dramas. And like I don't watch them but I always love when I see that Ed Burns has made another movie because I'm like, you're doing it man. And you're doing it. I'm pretty sure like mostly just for you. And that's great.

Oh, no, that's totally on him. And, like, I definitely liked the first two. Yeah, Brother Walden's a good movie. And the, she's the one, I think, is the other one. Those were fine. Yeah, but, like, even those, like, I think of those, even those movies, which are very, like, not much conflict, always very basic stuff.

But, like, even that. Sidewalks of New York, not much conflict in that movie. Not much. That's also, like, totally fine. But, like, those, at least, again, they have detail where Nancy Meyer is, like, she is allergic to it. She wants to not have any of it in her fucking screenplay. It really drives me insane.

Well, it's the amount of, because I mean, it's about the amount of money. You know what I mean? Like, literally, these people have enough money that it doesn't matter. That's true. That's true. That's true because I, this is a thought I had while I was watching this. This is, like, everybody makes fun of gooning. This is gooning for people who like nice stuff.

Yeah. This is, like, you are just watching, like, people be nice to each other in nice, houses doing nice things listening to nice music. Even the breakup's kind of nice. Yes, it is. Nobody gets that angry. Everybody's just kind of flustered. She throws a shoe and it's a nice sneaker.

When he admits it though, to be fair, he goes, all right, I have been sleeping with her. She's like, oh, God, it comes downstairs. Does it it's a double tap. It's a punch right in the face and then like a hard slapping with like right where your hand meets your wrist. Like that part

of your hand really nails them. Wow. I forgot because I watched, you know, I watched this movie. It took five hours and I forgot the starter. It is a problem that way. It is, the beginning is it exactly, like, it's Cameron Diaz isn't very good at the ratitat stuff. I think that she gets better as the movie goes along a little bit. I think she's a very funny actress.

I think that she does well here for the most part. I think she's fine. This is one I really wish. She had, like, honestly, no, I'm not going to act. Yes to this. I didn't like her. Like, I thought. I like Cameron Diaz.

I think she's really good in a movie that I'd say is similar to this in a way, but has the stuff I'm looking for in her shoes. I thought you're going to say the counselor. The counselor also great. She's fucking great in that movie. But she is unbelievably good in her shoes. And like this, I just kind of like, she's doing the Nancy Myers thing where you show up, you read the fucking scene and like nobody gives a shit about anything really.

So she has, she winds up having a work emergency. We learn what she does. She owns a company that cuts trailers and other like adverts for movies, which is kind of cool. But it does remind you that once that dude died, the inner world guy, like once he died, like trailers just, you know, good. Dude, I think this movie was the final nail in the coffin of that style of trailer because now it's been, you know, it's like parodied in this movie. Jerry Seinfeld did a parody of it for the, I think the trailer for comedian, 2002. So it's been The aughts we were kind of saying

Isn't this kind of stupid that these are trailers But honestly I fucking miss them Well yeah I would rather that to listen to a fucking frail ghost Covered Nirvana for the 14th course Yes yes so he's the ghost baby singing a song now You wish man oh god But so yeah she By the way John Krasinski

Is this as is Catherine Hahn very young Both him and this John Kerry's shirt That was a fucking raffle copter right right there. Oh, dude, I did not even notice that. He's wearing a John Kerry shirt in 2006. You get spit out of the street and rightfully so. That's embarrassing. I mean, now you can wear that in Brooklyn and do just fine. You'll pick up some if you do. I do. The 2006, the fact that this came out in 2006 makes me think you're 100% right about this being the nail in the coffin. Because wasn't 2006, isn't that when history of violence comes out? And that's the last VHS. That was 2005, maybe? Let me check. 2005, okay. Because that makes total sense that this would be the year like, no more, we're done. Now you all get the ghost music.

2005, so the VHS probably hit 2006. Yes. So she saw, it's a funny little bit with, it's a trailer with Lindsay Lohan and James Franco in an action movie. It's a silly, it's a silly movie. I was watching that. Kind of sort of. At the same time, you know, it's funny. It's, you know, talking about the trailer stuff dating at this, too. Like, those are two people that could leave a movie in 2006.

Now they're poisoned to the box office. Yeah, one just coming back, right? She's got those, she does those, like, Netflix movies. I think the last, the one that just came out that I watched a few nights ago is, like, her completing this Netflix contract. But, like, that's where she went. James Franco is just forever. He's giving interviews as to why Seth Rogen won't talk to him anymore.

Over and over. that man i mean that that is just so fucking stupid for him to go out in the media and be like i just i don't know why set this being such a we used to be friends like i mean come on you can't you're okay with your your buddy dittling a few come on come on you know you gotta be okay with it these days come on and like it's worse when they ask rogan about that though yeah like hey what's with you and james frank i was like dude don't fucking put that guy in that position are you kidding me? Right. No thank you on that one. Let him just sell his weed

products and leave him alone. Yeah, exactly. But so like she goes and tells her team there that trailer's great fix this and the other thing. We're going to take a long break for Christmas and they're like, what? You never want to, you know, stop working and like that's kind of

like, oh well, she's learning a little something here. Then we get, you know, some of that fun humor of, well, I want to eat carbs without feeling like I want to kill myself. Oh, wow. Dude, speaking to kill yourself. The next scene, if I'm not mistaken, is the sequence in which you see

Kate Winslow, she's really going through it. She's trying. She is listening to James Taylor, have yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I don't know how you survived it. I don't know how you could make it through the beginning to the end of that song without ending your own life.

Well, that's why she puts the gas on in the oven. James, James Taylor should not be allowed to sing Christmas music. Get the fuck out of here, dude. No way. that's some somber shit right there man and it's like she's like gas curious she turns the gas on and she's like

little sniff sniff sniff oh that's my P you sniff sniff sniff and like she just kind of starts to put her mouth around her hand and then like she stopped by a she gets the notification right that Cameron Diaz has contact there which is like wow yeah I mean it's hilarious

how she stops because yes she's about to kill herself presumably with this gas. Or maybe, you know, I would love a huffing side plot, you know, give a little love lies here. Let's get some addiction going on. But instead, the AOL-esque instant messenger that is this house-swapping service, she just has, you have to keep it open as a chat window in order to, in order to book a listing. Sure. This house swap app was like, hey, do you want to spend another $4 million at a chat bot?

Yeah, sure. Why not? But it's not even a chat, but it's literally Cameron Diaz typing to directly her and even goes, are you there? Yeah, that's the way, because she's like, hi, I'd like to rent your house. Hello, are you there? If you're there, I'd really like, and it's like, that's how this works. Yeah, like Airbnb or whatever, you're not like chatting people. You leave them a message.

Well, it seems like Cameron Diaz thinks this is Airbnb because she doesn't know that it's a house swapping thing, even though that's what this entire service apparently is and they agree to do it. And meanwhile, Kate Winsland has never even seen where she lives. You just say L.A. Someone says L.A. to me. I imagine the worst living conditions, boss. Absolutely. Oh, why don't you come switch houses with me? I live in Los Angeles.

I live in a little apartment building called Bill Rose Place. You ever heard of it? Yes, exactly. Oh, wow. It sounds just cracking. We got a haunted pool, a gay guy that never does anything. No, I own it. I own the whole thing.

It's great. And also, just to let you know, if you, by any chance there's blood in the pool, a demon will arrive and ask if you want to do service for him on this earth. And he's a really nice guy named Melakai. Yes. And before you ask the answer to the two most asked questions, yes, one, it is a three-night minimum stay. And two, yes, my former fiance's father molested her. I have fucked up most ladies in this in this place I have done yes me yes me Bill

do you at all I've been there okay but that's so much place if I could jerk off from your closet but it's just insane okay I mean I know we don't need to make this movie longer but send her a photo I don't know be prepared for the service you're signing up for no because they want to do this like taking it's again not Kate Winslet that could do this is a James Belushi moment when she enters the house and it's big and it's nice and she's like, ooh, look at this. Oh, look at this. Like, you want her, like this is what you want James Belushi. Oh, Snakeys, look how nice this is. Oh, that poor Cannonball. Like, that's what you want. Taking care of business when he's like, whoa, there's two staircases. Exactly. You want that, but it's Kate Winslet who has too much dignity to do a James Belushi role. Oh, yeah, I would love it. Kate Winslet goes out in the back and a sees. her would-be boss's daughter in a thong jumping and just says,

thank you, Lord. Yes. Like, these kind of things only work if the actor that's going in and doing the thing fits well on camera with you syncing up dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun and just take the zone, and it's Kate fucking Winslet.

Like if they don't match on screen with the fucking vocal stylings of Bob Seeger, You got to not do that sequence. This is the gooning, though. This is also the gooning where you're just, oh, that's nice. And that's nice. Yes.

Oh, it sounds so nice here. Oh, my God. I really love it when things are nice. It's so nice. You know, it's also funny. I'm realizing in there like, you know, like, yeah, we're talking about her reaching the house, but just a weird thing about the travel.

Because, again, we learn from Jude Law, who is the brother of Kate Winslet. They're from the same family. we learned that yes like we said like the the mother is a huge successful author and the father works at a publishing house real deal big time stuff so when they you see the travel there is a joke where she Kate Winslet is sitting she's going my god he throw to LAX yeah on a middle seat and like two old bitties on other side of her like that's the joke that's a death sentence middle oh absolutely anywhere on a plane is a death sentence and then you see Cameron Diaz that she's got the first class and the seat that folds out in the bed and she's going to put the sleep mask on or whatever and I was like, but your descendant from like publishing money, why do you have shitty seats? Well, I mean, no, because even still, I mean, Andrew, that a middle seat,

he threw to LAX the day before on December, I don't know, 16th is $3,000. That's true. Who would be kidding here? Like, that is the most expensive ticket. Yes, you would want an aisle, but like Christ on the cross, how much money is this woman going to drop on this holiday? She's from the UK. They actually have taxes there for the rich. That's also slightly different. Maybe a little bit. Yeah, but like still, like, I'm with Andrew on this one.

Like, you just, the fact that she is loaded just kind of comes in and out of this. Like you don't dedicate yourself to it. Everyone should be loaded. And if you're not loaded, I guess there's something wrong with you. I'm sorry. Coolest, uh, coolest part of this LA house, by the way. Cameron Diaz's character, tons of DVDs. A lot of, hell you.

right yeah of course because she you know maybe she's collecting all the movies for the trailers she has cut maybe we have seen her beautiful artistry in the world and yet i i did and again but i wish like kate winsick gets to talk about movies with eli wallick like loosely here but like i would like to hear her it's your fucking job what yeah don't you have some passion for the thing you're right she doesn't have any interests other than like other than neurosis like she's just pure neurosis it's all like home my brain my brain my brain you know what I mean, like, I'm bad, we'll get to the bad at sex thing, which I love. But the other thing, because we're having so much fucking fun with it, it happened once,

we're going to keep doing it. The trailer guy is going to keep coming back, guy. Oh, dude, this is a terrible. Not a fan of this gag, even though I like the guy, you know? Yes. And I like the song. It's a shame. I forget the, I forget the music, but the artists, but really good song.

I really like that song. It's like, oh, you know, whatever. She had it all. the house the guy the treat you know like and then it like she wakes up or whatever you know yeah i get it meanwhile kate winslet's getting like emails on her blackberry or whatever this arcane devices i don't know what to call it's a blackberry it's a blackberry she's getting emails from jasper bloom saying i'm coming by your mushroom later with some mail you're out of cheese missis but no this guy's such an asshole because it's like you're getting engaged and he's just

like, no, no, I'm going to keep you on the line. I'm going to drag you along even after I'm married, okay? Nightmare. Nightmare scenario. Just ghost him. Just ghost him. Well, she has texted him when the old bitties are trying to like

stuff themselves into the seats around here. She sends him a message on the Blackberry. That's like, hey, because he's like, oh, where'd you go? Or whatever it is. And she's like, you need to give me time to fall out of, you know, I need time to fall out of love. you and you need to give me that time but you know what that just gave him a challenge to make

you not fall out of love with him you should just ignore this asshole please do well it's hard to do later in the film when he literally shows up with the door like a fucking psychopath call the cops i would call the cops like honestly get the fuck out of here how the did do we know how he got the address he keeps texting her he keeps texting over and over malin brando and jack nickleson in the same movie which is it what was it it's the missouri briggs for crying out loud what was she's like did you go do you happen to go to that that are you taking the holiday at the beach that makes you old again he's great in that he's he is really fantastic in that movie rufus sule uh fantastic on the netflix show the diplomat by the way fucking it's a show that's a little

bit under the radar like i think it's got some nominations or whatever Big O recommend political intrigue show. He has settled really well. I really like him in old and I would like to see him do more like fun movies. But him and that and the man in the high castle, it's really done well with TV. Yeah, he's good in the man in the high castles. What was his like open group and furor John Smith or something?

Yes, exactly. Yeah. He plays a Long Island dad that becomes like King Nazi. Yeah, head Nazi. I mean, that's, is that set in 2025 or what? Yeah, I think it is actually. long island dad king nazi listen we just need fucking we need exit visas to get us to either uh let no let's do the what is it the um chris the colorado the free states of the the mountain area yeah it's not there

good book too but a really good book uh but so yeah k winslet is j jim belushiing all over this apartment and meanwhile caribre d is like why is they let's so gross you know kind of doing And that thing. She gets to do the, like, the thing we talked about. We're like, oh, the closet's small. There's a gag of her, like, stuffing her, like, whole wardrobe. And to Kate Winslet's, like, tiny little, like, closet armoire thing that she has here. But this is, let's not kid ourselves. This is a seven-figure cottage, for sure.

Easily. Yeah. But, again, it's a lot of clothes in a small closet. Yes, that I was talking about. But then also, if you have to, like, have the laundry list of, like, the most obvious. fucking british jokes when you send an american over there thing we're driving on the wrong side of the road and it's a problem that's that's true but you know talking about her cottage there steve you know her she know they could probably you know oh my uh my uh you know descend in 10 000

years ago you know put a put a stable here and had sheep so it's mine i'd be like the gag of like she's trying to like find something to do the first night so she goes to like stock up on supplies. And this was definitely like a shot that they put in the actual trailer for this movie where she's, she comes around the corner chugging wine out of the bottle while in the store pro movie. I got to say more, I mean,

aside from Jude Law who we'll talk about in a minute who gets hammered and does not drive, a lot of people get real tipsy and getting behind the wheel of this. Of course. After that Hanukkah party, Jack Black is straight up drinking and driving in the movie. And I'm like, what in the fuck are you doing? Called us to do to cab.

It was legal. He was like, wow, the weather is crazy tonight. I'm like, dude, you should not be driving. The wind's blowing. I can't wait to stick my head out the window while I'm driving to feel this wind blowing. I guarantee you Nancy Myers was pulled over all the time and there's a standing agreement. Okay, Nancy, get on home safe. Go ahead.

Oh, it's you, Nancy, not Chuck. Okay. Well, let me smell your breath. Whoa, boy. Okay. No, mother, they didn't give me a chaser. But yes, and she's drinking, she, she, yeah, gets fucking full on drunk, drives back. You've got the, yeah, the cashier, like, ooh, someone's having a party tonight.

I don't know, like, yeah, that's just, that's just me. Thank you very much. And again, like, she sees this dog and she's like, I don't remember, I don't remember she hearing anything about a dog, like, what do I feed it? When do I feed it? How do, does it need medication? Do I, she's like, fuck it, whatever. You hate your dog, if you're just saying some random Airbnb.

and B person can take care of it. No, no, no. Yep. Yeah, you either leave the dog with Jude Law or put it at a fucking kettle. Yeah. So this is, this is the big, like, it's a big red tack that you can stick in the timeline of this movie, and it is, holy shit, 2006.

She decides, oh yeah, she loves what's going on here for a second because she sees the trailer that they just cut earlier in the film. She sees it broadcasts on TV, so she gets excited. And this is drunkenly scream singing The Killer's Mr. Brightside, playing off of a CD definitely. Which would happen in 2004, 2007, and now from 2022 on.

That's still happening. That's about right. You go to the right bar. You'll hear it. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It's that thing of I remember specifically doing that, like, 2004 to 2007. And you guys remember the music video, of course, with Eric Roberts.

Oh, yes, maybe. Oh, fuck. I forgot about that. that up after this. He's got like, he's like the sexy guy. Is he, is he Mr. Brightside? I think so. You bet your sweet ass. Actually, I'm Dr. Brightshy.

Oh, man, Dr. Brightside. Hey, one of the kids in this is named Sophie. Oh, there you. Sofee, it's me. Layed back Brightside. Oh, wait, she's only nine. I'll give it another six years and then come back. For more on that, our stalked by the doctor

series on once in a lifetime on our Patreon. We have all those. Hell yeah. We have unfortunately every single existed stalked by my doctor, but we should, Lifetime should be putting out more. Especially at any dark times. It has to happen. I will go fund it. I don't care.

You should have a TV series at this point. Yeah, absolutely. Honestly, the doctor stalker. Yeah. Victim of the week. Yeah, exactly. Those old like Columbo movies. You know what I mean? Oh, yes. It would have to be that because if it was like a weekly thing, whenever that happens, it's always downgrading.

So like instead of Eric Roberts, they'd get like the dude who played the janitor on Scrubs and nobody wants that. But yes, if you do the Colombo murder she wrote route of like we're making 90 minute like TV movies every once in a blue moon. Let's just keep that happening. I love it. But so she does she listens to Mr. What kind of gets her upset? She just gets bored immediately. And then it just kind of cuts to Kate Winslet's swimming.

That's right. I think it's just one of those like, oh, that high wore off pretty quick. seeing my own trailer on television well back to misery i'm allergic to dogs shit uh and she sees she's swimming i think she sees eli wallach with like a home health aid which you never see again you need this woman this woman needs to be around yeah totally like what i like i don't even remember that shot like yes i was just going to say like this is where jack pike shows up with shannon sassiman because she's like she goes inside after the swimming this is where she picks she's going to watch punch drunk love yes even though uh cameron dia's also

owns a DVD of Gile, which is right there for all to see. Hey, look, she's a woman of non-discriminate and taste. That's right. But yeah, so this is Jack Black is Miles and he's like, oh, I work with Ed Burns, I got to pick up some of his stuff awkwardly.

We've got to talk about a little, because the Jack Blackness of it all is not great. I think that, and I like Jack Black, except for what he did this year. On regular, I'm like a pro Jack Black. person.

This is not him. This is not his role. The foffing they do to his hair, he looks like a Peter Jackson Hobbit in this film. I'm not kidding. The curls and the swirl. He's made up to be attractive in this, which is weird because Hollywood's been telling

me he's the ugly guy forever. That's the thing is, Jack Black is an attractive guy. But like, he always plays the loser. Like the energy is that of like a loser who's been like ignored or just doesn't have the thing. And this where he's just kind of like a guy. Like

I don't get much of him. Like did you guys feel like you like understood anything about him other than he's a nice guy? And he scores movies and all he ever listens to or talks about his movie scores. And I said I guarantee you if you, you'd have a better time with Hans Zimmer. Hanzimmer

we'll talk about the Yankees or what you know what I mean? He's got interest. I'm sure. Zimmer, dude, cracking some beers with Zimmer. Absolutely. Have you seen? Guys, have you seen the fucking commercials for this Hans Zimmer, like, live tour that you've done? No, I didn't hear about this at all. Listen, you're saying you want to have a beer with them. Do yourselves in favor and look this shit up because we would be doing hard liquor with Hans Zimmer.

This looks like, it's some badass shit this guy's doing, man. Honestly, I think he's playing the Barclays on some weird world tour or whatever. I saw a commercial for it for the first time when we landed in Vegas and I was waiting for my luggage. And they just had like monitors everywhere. And it's like, Hans Zimmer rocking the fuck out. you never thought would be possible. And I was like, what is going on? Oh, dude, you're doing Coke with Hans Zimmer?

I like this. Doing a Coke off a dragon's tail. Like, it just looks bad ass. Oh, you know, now imagine this. It's late at night. You know, you were partying with Hans Zimmer all night. And you've set this up. You know what's going to happen.

He doesn't. He's like kind of half sleep on your couch. You got to move you on. You're like, yo, Zimmer. And you had a Zima in your fridge? Zimmer, Zima. Zima. Zimmer?

Yeah. And then now you can. can't do cocaine with him anymore. He leaves. But, you know, we got some Hollywood types of listen to the show. Now, let's get get us, get us VIP passes to this Zimmer experience. I just, I just want to see what it's like, like,

is he going out there and he's like, yeah, this is from a little movie called Dune part two. Yeah, everybody, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Well, you know what? I was thinking maybe, maybe, maybe it's time, maybe a little 12 years of slave for everybody. You never want to hear a little 12 years of slave?

I also don't think that Hans Zimmer is driving around with Shannon Sossaman listening to Enrico Morricorni. They're probably listening to Jet or whatever is on the radio. He's having a good time. That's just work. Because Nancy Myers, you're only defined by your wealth and what you do.

There's nothing else that's there. Your interesting job. Hey, how about this? So real quick, I was checking out, hansimmerlive.com. Hell yeah. Fuck, yeah. There's a discuss. So I guess, like, he had, there's an album called Hans Zimmer Live. And so he's made this show that is like, a

arrangements of a bunch of shit that he's done. So it says, it's an 18-piece live band and full orchestra, newly arranged concert suites that include music from Gladiator, Pirates of the Caribbean, Dark Night, Interstellar, Lion King, Last Samurai, and Dune for which he received his second Academy Award. So this looks like, yeah, you are just fucking banging out to, like, awesome Iraqis music at the Barclays.

I do, I want him to like, oh, man, back in 2011, I was in, asked to do the music for a little film called Sherlock Holmes Again in the Shadows. It's storyteller mode? That would be awesome. Please. Just do it. My good friend

Mark Webb asked me to do the music for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and this is a little ditty from that. Yeah, but actually here's a perfect example. John Carpenter. If you were to write a movie about John Carpenter and if you were like, oh, it's John Carpenter, what he does is he drives

around listening to the movie scores because he loves the movie. No, that dude smokesweed, plays video games and watches the Denver Nuggets. Like that's what happens. Like, you know what I mean? He's like, yeah,

the only time you're going to hear me listening to a fucking film score is if they put it in NBA 26 live. Exactly. It just, it does not happen. Unless it's money or nicotine, I'm not interested. I'm going to be honest with you here.

But he's like, oh, this is a Ricka Murray-Kone's greatest score. Oh, I got to, uh, and then he does, like,

your girlfriend is in the car. Yeah. And you're talking of Kate Winsland. And then, like, something gets in her eye, you're like, let me get it. And you're doing that sensual shit? That's a 40-minute conversation on the way home. And you're wondering why she's cheating on you? Exactly.

We're all sensual on this woman. That's the thing is that they wouldn't come up, but then I would be worried about why it didn't come up. And because Shannon Sossaman is banging her co-star. Yeah, I guess so. She's like, whatever. I hope he's getting stuff. And he does also feed her this line about like, oh, the Santa Ana Wins are blown. Your legend hasn't.

Santa Ana wins, blah, blah. And then, like, you need to him to get back in the car, and Shannon Sossaman's like, oh, you know, I remember when you pulled the Santa Ana Wins line on me, funny enough. And it comes up so many times in this movie. When he's walking away, he's like, don't blow away. Again, your girlfriend's in the car, buddy. And it just, yeah, like, but the funny thing is,

she's kidding me. I would be, I would be hugging. Once he starts fucking with her eyeball, I would just, like, lead out the horn. Like, I'm right here. Dude, just a long, unbroken laying on the horn. Ooh, that would be a classic movie. And he doesn't even notice.

He's like, oh, my God, when Anone Macaroni did this. None Macaroni. Listen, I'm married into an Italian family. I can make one of them. Oh, and when he did, oh, yeah. And this is the part of the song where the car porn happens. Yes, of course. But they have, I mean, like, and it's a problem in the movie, zero chemistry.

like zero they're friends like there's no there's no heat to it whatsoever they're buddies and like that's it's a big it's a big difference though I just want to say because last night we watched the film four Christmases with Vince Vaughn that is a movie where like

I read it after the fact but you can totally tell like she despises him as a like Reese Reese despises Vince like that's and that is where their Darth of chemistry comes from this is a weird like they don't have romantic chemistry but you could tell yes exactly like we said like they're buds at least

and the bud part is believable but anytime it's like now i'm gonna maybe get a little romantic you're like no no no no no no no no no no every time it does it is like two or three times it always catches kate winslet off guard because she's like fucking uh a dog in this movie but like he goes oh you look really pretty tonight she's like really every time he says it it's the exact same way I would say that to any one of your wives because it is so removed of any sexual I'm a friend my friend looks really pretty

that's really pretty nice Chelsea talk to you soon you know what I mean like nothing else there and he's just that's the moment that's supposed to like have all the sexual heat to it it's so insane can they have oh go ahead you know actually you know real quick I'm like now I'm like who's the worst person

Vince Vaughn or Reese Witherspoon I think Reese Witherspoon might be worse did you hear these the stuff she's been doing lately no i don't know she's saying hollywood needs to embrace AI it's here to stay we need to get into crypto so i don't know that's like that's someone trying to build this game yeah she's got one of my favorite i've been pulled over drunk by the cops a moment what was that oh this is perfect this is what that should happen to all the

characters in this film it's a very nancy myers-esque thing he's pulled over by the cops she's wasted and she's like she's pulled the do you know who i am dang and like the guy's like sorry man i'm got to write you up sorry man i'm gonna write you up You're obstructing justice right now. I'm obstructing your justice? Which is my favorite. Fuck, yeah, that rocks. Okay, I take it back.

She's cool. I, I will, I play with the Buffalo Bills. Don't you understand? We're for O.J. Well, what for me?

Well, absolutely. I do think, so this is a great segue because it's the middle of the night. In England, you're in a weird little cottage. Andrew you'd said this.

You can get strangers at any moment. Oh, yeah, you'll get strangersed. Actually, in the UK you'd get straw-dogged. You're right. You're absolutely right. The UK equivalent over there. Well, I'll take the strangers. Well, the good thing about

it's difficult to get straw-dogs because the only way to get straw-dog is you're actually holding David Warner in your home because you don't want him to get murdered from Bob Justice for killing a girl. So that's It's a little difficult. It's a little difficult

the straw dog. There's a kidnapping element there. Hey, also, by the way, just real quick, we're talking strong dogs. Dustin Hoffman cameo. Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

God, damn. The strong dog himself. And you know what? I got to say, I'm not fucking made a stone. That made me laugh. Actually, the funniest part of, the came to go anywhere.

The funniest part of the cameo, if IMDB is to be believed, Dustin Hoffman was driving around in Los Angeles. He saw a bunch of cameras in front of his local blocker. And he parked, and he was like, so what's going on? You guys are making the movie? Oh, look, it's Nancy Myers.

And like, is that anyone I could sexually assault on this set? I'm seeing a lot of asses. They get smacked yet? Or what? I can be the smacker for your set if you want. He comes home and that night. He's like, oh, sorry, I was late, honey. I just saw these cameras.

I had to make a movie. Jesus. Oh, you did it again, Dustin. What are you turning up in now? I told you that Wag the dog had to be the last time, okay? you gotta stop and I was almost an independence day

because I just saw all these cameras on the street I was like what's going on over here what are you guys making a movie or what? Like a moth to the flame but no middle of the night

and you know your first night in this fucking creepy old castle with this fucking dog that probably needs diabetes medicine and you don't know how to fucking give it

and all of a sudden slam it on the door is June law drunk as a skunk and she's terrified rightfully and like I wouldn't let this dude in, even if he's like, oh, I'm his brother, I swear it.

That's not it. It's the fact that he looks like, well, that's fair. That is where I'm like, you know what? Maybe I let him in. Yeah, maybe I let him. Dude, that's why I think when you get those thoughts, though, folks, if you ever in that position, you're like, but they're handsome Ted Bundy. That's right.

Great handsome as the day is long. He did your skin. Sure, sure, sure. But like, Jude law is more attractive than Ted, but I mean, come on now. Oh, that's a controversial opinion. Is it? I did not know that. Yeah, all the Bundy heads out there

that were giving him like marriage proposals in the slammer and whatnot. You're all upset right now. He's got nothing on my boy. My beautiful Jude, he is looking fan-pastic in this movie. He's always just fabulous. I just saw him in the order, which is a pretty good movie that I think people should see.

I want to check that out. You'd probably stream at this point. I watched the first two episodes of the skeleton crew. He's supposed to be in it, but he's not. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right. You're teasing, Jude. I'm not in on that you get you get him in a pretty you get him in a pretty baller scene at the very

beginning of the first episode right yes he's not he's not revealed just not a character on the show anyway go ahead no uh but uh he's he's looking good these days he's looking great yes he looks he's aging wonderfully he's that love you jude we we're pro jude so he comes in and he's like oh i've got this standing arrangement with my sister you know they go through the whole thing uh we swapped houses uh we swapped shops uh and it's like I'm like, okay, I've got the standing array, but whenever I'm drunk, I just get to sleep on a couch. It happens six times a week, maybe. My life is in shambles a little bit.

She's like, oh my God, my fucking panties are soaked. Again, it's June live in again. If I showed up, I was like, listen, me and my sister have this arrangement. Police, Bobby, what do they call him here? Bobby. It would be me with a big bag of. fucking McDonald's like um actually we have this arrangement where if i give her chicken nuggets i can sleep on a concert way yeah give me the puke buckets on top of the scramble in the cupboard

they forgot you give me my mayonnaise from a chicken juggest you got the thing that really lights a fire for her to open the door though is he starts screaming iris if you don't let me in i'm just going to piss all over your door oh great oh right he's threatening urination It's insane. After a while in this, she mentions that she's leaving the next day. She's going to go back. This was a stupid whim.

She's never felt more alone coming here. What are you going to do? Stay in a hotel in Los Angeles until your house is free? Also, second question, what happened to this fucking dog when she leaves? Like, if she's going to leave, where... She puts it down, I think, on the way to the airport. That would make so much more sense if he shows up and he's there. to fucking feed the dog or

literally anything like that but no they have to do the fucking this it takes so long for them to agree like are we gonna have sex yeah we're too attractive people who have sex why why why why not uh one thing is like oh you know

Edward Burns always said that I'm terrible at sex I'm like Cameron Diaz with self-esteem issues what is this my fucking birthday? Holy shit we're having a great time I got a chance here holy shit I'm gonna say she's not that like you

think she's doing better than Kate Winslet, but really not so much. If shit like that was going down, she was totally okay with it. I like the idea of you, you fuck Kevin Diaz. Yeah, it's not so great. Yeah. You kind of suck at it. You know what? I'm going to be, I'm going to be nice here. D plus. Well, then what's weird too is when she's like, oh, I think four plays overrated. And I'm like, because you probably never had it. He's coming in. He's doing a fucking quick three pump dump. And And then telling you, you're terrible. You just ain't good at it. That's mediocre.

Mediocre at best, Cameron Diaz. Oh, yeah. We'll definitely go do some full play. Let's put on some family guy. Oh, man. This is the greatest one. Women love that. But then, like, they start kissing and, like, Cameron Diaz is doing this weird thing.

Like, nope, not yet. Nope, not yet. Like, what is happening here? What is this is what I think? What I was really? this as because she sort of says as much to him she's like oh I've never had sex with a stranger before yeah never had a one-night stand and so all of this is her trying to like psych herself into having like her first one-night stand like oh my close my eyes yeah I guess

maybe I think I'll think of Ed Burns instead of Jude law and it won't be awkward ew ew it's disgusting and oh yeah I'm going to uh I'm going to uh I'm going to uh Oh, God, I have this beautiful steak. I'm just going to think about canned tuna the whole time so that I can keep it back. Keep it at bay. You call that a blow job? It's me, Edwards. I'm if you say so.

Why go out for steak when I have bad hamburger at home? Exactly. You know, most ladies know more teeth, not less. So they bang, right? Oh, they have sex. And then what's amazing is the next. next morning, like, she's trying to make coffee. He comes out the room. And the first thing he says is, like, by the way, Ed Burns was

completely wrong. You're actually quite good at it. Oh, surprise. Yeah, there you go. It would be, but it would be funnier if he just comes out. I was like, terrible. And he, he, he undersolded it, honestly. Yeah, he was honestly, like, at first I was like, he's got to be crazy. But then there are some areas that you could improve.

That's just beyond. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah. here's a report i uh took the time to fill out it's time for your performance review do you want to sit down before we start here but then then this is this is exactly what chris is talking about though like this is now the they've agreed like oh it's going to be a one-night stand whatever she's leaving and the negotiation with which they go back and forth about like him it should it be okay if i get out of the house should i leave you said it's fine yeah you're off

the hook oh yeah don't worry about like this kind of deliberation it's so annoying to watch it's like you're not no fighting for peace in the Middle East here you're just like it's a one night stand and he's leaving you don't have to nitpick it to death there was a time when you could do like there are movies where a stuff like this works but it's usually movies from like Preston Sturgis it's like James Stewart and like Ida Lupino being able to go tit for tat and there was like pacing to it this is just like it still feels like

you're trying to get out of the scene but like the the talk has nothing. The talk is, like, kind of boring. This is what, yeah, it's kind of boring. This is how we contextualize scenes in this type of thing. It's like, oh, my, you bloody hell fucked my eye contacts off. And now I have to wear my glasses. Do you still think I'm a cutie?

I'm still attractive. Oh, weird. Jude Law is still hot with glasses. That's weird. But she agrees to get out with mom, but goes, well, if you happen to be, which I love, by the way, is like, if you happen to be back in England tonight, I will be at the pub again. getting absolutely even small smash than last night. I love this dude because this is this is what's great about like a cool little town like this, right?

It's like he's getting pissed there at the pub the night before. But tonight you started off class and he's like, oh, I'm getting dinner with friends tonight. Also at the pub, by the way. That's the thing. I do a thing like in my 20s short, I'm going to crash on your buddy's couch. Like, oh, I'm just so wasted. you're in your 30s you got two kids

this is a once a once in a blue mood you can't be doing it every fucking night dude what are you doing do you have a good babysitter that is like regularly available I guess one liner about how

the grandparents take those nasty kids whenever he wants to get bloody smash whenever he wants to go and like do what his version of a garden state scene

would be I guess that that drove me because she took there's a suspense of whether or not she's going to go or not and we cut to the fucking pub and

the fucking Garden State song is on. Yes, she does, yes. The Frufrews, let's go. And like, usually I would not care except for that song was so like attached to that movie. Like you cannot listen to that song and not think of Garden State.

I think even to this day. And like, I'm just like, it was fucking two years ago, man. You can't do this. The whole Garden State soundtrack was, you know like a thing it's oh no but it was removed it has to be removed for the american lexicon right after it happened because it was the garden state soundtrack you can't do that at right after it but this is nancy meyers being hip you know she knows she knows fru-frew of course she does i've watched a movie i do love so he's back at the bar like he's like you know wistfully

looking for her and it's kind of funny if he didn't remember exactly what she looks like which i think would be is like well she was like kind of blonde she's beautiful blonde big face he was so drunk he was drunk in the morning as well oh definitely I think she she didn't have glass

she did not have glass she actually went back to the airport right she does go back to the airport and then she leaves this dog again in this house to die and then the trailer has trailer thing yeah the trailer brain

convinces her to go back right yeah Amanda wasn't looking for love but that doesn't mean it wouldn't find her it's just what a like someone had to be like listen Nance this part

just ain't working because it's not funny and you don't use it enough to make it relevant to the film at large and then oof boy cut back to like you know Kate Winsland's been doing basically nothing she's about to take a she wakes up from a nap and she wants

to get the day going and she's like oh yes thank you Amanda hits play here comes jet and she's like dancing around this bed And again, this is like Jim Belushi fucking fart rock or shit that is not something Kate Winslet

should be doing. Yeah, it's brutal. Any song that has like personal me, like it just can't be jet. And she's like dance and like, oh yeah. Like you want your fucking movie to stop dead and feel exactly like a fucking

2006 Volkswagen commercial. Like come. That is that is the emotional like high you get off of this. Is that of a car commercial essentially. Right. And she gets a call from Rufus Sewell who's like, oh babe, I missed you so much. I'm actually stuck in me novel. Can I send you some pages? Oh, by the way, are you wearing your little red bikini? Oh, remember the little red bikini

he used to wear when he used to swim around in my mushroom pool? Isn't it your wedding, dude? What the fuck? Yeah, exactly. Dude, it would be funny if he's fucking calling her from like the chapel back room. She's walking down the aisle. He's like, you're in bikini. You know, the music's going on.

We're sure the groom will be here any minute in that he is not attempting to have phone sex in the rectory. Erectory. But so that's... She agrees to let him mail her some pages. And this is the first, I think, of like three times we're literally

mentioning FedEx, like by name in this movie. oh that's great so i'll send the pages via fedex thank you so much and i was like one yes nancy meyers loves fedex i do and like in neither of these movies do either person you know from england or not explore the big city like she never goes to los angeles like wow you know to mean she's about to you'd think you'd have one of those most those insino man moments of like whoa what the fuck is this you think so but i'm sorry in both those cases nice it's not all nice things. Yes.

In the houses, it's all nice things. And that's what we have to stay. You might see a homeless person. You have to cut him out. That's a problem. That's a real fucking issue right there. The outside world is scary.

We did see a truck on the road. Yeah. You might see a Ford. And that would be a real real problem. She sees Eli Wallach just wandering, you know, the fucking parkway there. And she's like,

well, I guess this is my problem now. Okay. You know, kind of stops. And, you know, she's very nice.

And it's like, oh, I think we're neighbors. And he's like, we're neighbors. You know, look, she was a lady that was used to taking care of a dog, so she finds a new one. Dude, I mean, this is that Louis C.K. bit about, like, you accidentally ask someone if they need help at the airport, now you just have an old person. Like, that's, like, that's what this is, is like, she just has an old guy now.

And, again, it works out, at least for me as a viewer personally, because I find this part of the movie the most endearing and interesting. Nancy Myers clearly wants the two parts of the movie to be disparate, right? like they know what it can't be like uh jude law fucks uh cameron diaz and then jack black fucks her you know yeah so she's trying to switch this up i would say switch it up and get rid of jack black it's just her and like yep and she learns a bunch of this old guy and the old maybe she like has a fling with some hunk you know at a bar or the old guy maybe by the way and the poor the poor little man would break in half like there's just no way would happen by the way i once did have an old man that I had a kept old man

that I ran into like this was years ago when I was like I just moved this this was probably around the time this movie came out actually and I had no money working in an office or whatever and some old timer

like a really old man like a suit had no idea how to get back home you know and he lived way on Queens I forget what exactly what neighborhood was but I remembered it I was like okay that's off the seven train I took him to the seven train

I went into the seven train with him And I was like, okay, now you ride this till like the end or almost the end or whatever. And you know, you ask someone else if you need direction. And I leave the train and he's coming. He follows me like a puppy dog. Oh, Jesus, dude.

And I had to be like, it was like a hairy in the head or says, we don't want you anymore. You pop on the nose? I was just like, I was like kind of like pushing like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You stay on this train. This train's going to take you home.

So what happened, dude? He fell on the track. I fucking left him because I had to get to work. I like the idea of like you picked up an NPC for the morning It was a side quest It was And like in any video game

The world is ending at the office And I have a side quest suddenly Stop trying to walk into the wall You're clipping That's not good Stop it! Sorry I was late for work I have this glitch stuck to my bag

Uh-huh You were helping an old man Sure you were You were doing something nice I don't think so, no no But it was like quintessential old man Like the whole suit the hat?

Like, how did you get that hat? How'd that survive? The hat will always survive. Yeah. But she takes him back to his house. Turns out he's an old Hollywood screenwriter and like she realizes how lonely is like,

would you like to have dinner with me? Because I'm a doormat and you're a nice old man. He's like, he's got a nice little line here he goes, baby, I haven't been busy since 1978. Yeah, which is great. They got to dinner. Some of his, I will say to

Christmas point, some of his dialogue is a bit overwrought like he talks about meat cutes yeah you know here he's like oh you're not you're not the lead lady you're the best friend but you should be the lead lady and i'm like i get it why you spend it saturday night with me an old cocker yes old cocker and then i was hired as louis b mayor's office boy and he's telling all these lies you know he feeds her head with a bunch of garb i was the guy that said uh here's you they said here's looking at you and i said how about do kid afterwards. That was me. That's where I had

had enough with that part of it. I was like, Nance, I get it. Oh, bibity boy, do I get it? You get it from the first interaction they have because he's like, oh, a nice accent, like, where in England are you from? And she says,

Surrey, and he goes, oh, cool. Carrie Grant was from Surrey. And she's like, oh, how did you know that? And he goes, he told me. And that's all you need. Like, that's just you get the one. And frankly, that's a really good one I was doing LSD with Carrie Grant one of his freakoffs

Yep exactly right That's what he told me I starred with him in a little picture Name his girl Friday Let me just say I Archibald his leech if you know what I mean Randolph Scott was there You know

But he's like Oh your ex-boyfriend sounds like a schmuck And she's like a schmuck You're totally right And he's like I spent all this money on psychotherapy, but no one said it just like you. And I want her to, like, call Jude, oh, I found it.

This America's wonderful. I met a Jew yesterday. Oh, really? Yes, an honest to goodness one. They're all over here, you know. It's wonderful. They don't control anything. It's amazing. They don't, he was in the middle of the road. Putting a stop to it. Plenty of Jews

in the UK. I know. Sluts, sluts. Yeah, there's two or three. A schmuck, what a wonderful phrase. It is very weird hearing her say schmuck, but it is funny, though, because she does the thing that everybody, I think, does when they, you know, appropriately a Yiddish word.

You know, you, you enjoy music. Oh, sure, yeah. You know what I mean, it's like, oh, schmuck, it just comes out of you. You know, what a fabulous expression. It is a great word. Now let's get out of this forcocta Los Angeles restaurant. Oh, say it again, please.

Shmere. Can I see your circumcised tallywacker by any man? Sure, but you can't really tell the difference anymore. That's right. After a certain age and it's hanging low, the hood comes back in some way. It was so wonderful. I saw his old Jewish cock.

It was wonderful, wonderful. Oh, I'm like the show. I'm a grumpy shagger. I'm just like the show. don't worry about it it's a show that comes out like 10 years you're gonna love it your kids are gonna love it i get pissed off of this next part here because it's like the next morning over in england and cameron diaz is hung over and she's got someone like oh i don't think i've drank that much my entire life like you don't get to see her like meeting and interacting

with his friends and what that night looked like at all no no why why why what are you guys This night two of June Lost weekend. He's bringing her down with him. Guys, no, no, no, no, no. We're fucking insane. The Frow-Frow song is what was important. I see. Okay, that's what you really wanted. It wasn't, you know, get to

characters? I said, please. No, no, no, no. But, like, frow-frow. He got smashed out. He's like, come on, let's do shots, babe, yeah. Like, he's just ruining her life one day at a time. It would be awesome. And she's like, no, but I got to write this screenplay.

but yeah it's just and this is where we get a lot of like oh well call me old fashion but i don't sleep with passed out women so it's like that's we got to throw that in so you know like he's a good guy he's like you fancy a drive fancier lunch fancier get to know you yes and then she gets a little suspicious here because he gets a call and the phone says sophie and she's like oh sorry i'm sorry i looked at that and he goes outside to take the phone call and he's all like animated and whatnot you don't hear the call you see her looking and she's like say

maybe he's a scumbag after right like maybe these are women on the side I mean we come to find out that it's 2006 and a five year old has a cell phone apparently yeah and an even younger girl has a cell phone yeah exactly it's just sort of this joke or this

fake out of like oh you know who are these women calling him it would you'd pick it up and it would say home on you know what I mean like that's What it would say. But this is, they do like a ratatat, like speed dating, like get to know you sort of deal here. And then this is where he lays out like, yeah, you know, I'm a book editor. My mother's an author.

My father or my dad's a writer. My mom is a publisher. You know, what about you? And she's just like, oh, my parents divorced when I was 15. And well, I thought it was a joke until it wasn't. And then, well, I haven't cried since I was 15 years. old. Oh, dude. Yeah. Okay. That's really something. You see a scene of her, like, earlier in the film, trying to, like, force

herself to cry while looking in the mirror like a psychopath does. Isn't that, aren't you just slapping your knee on that one? Isn't that just fantastic? No, I dialed nine once. You know who else tried to cry just to see if they could? Ted Bundy. Didn't work out for Ted Bundy. Yeah, you couldn't get there, but those would have been beautiful tear drops. I do love the way Jude Law sounds right here when he's he because he says to her like, oh, that's very weird. I cry all the time. And he refers to himself as a major weeper, but with his access, I'm a major weeper. And it kind of sounds like he's like singing some sort of song or it's a very sing-songy way he pronounces, major weeper. Well then we're about to do the big

dance, not dance sequence, but like we're all run. It's a fun running around. Oh, this is, it's a montage of us canoodling and getting a little closer, which appears to be all on this weird single property of an old house where they're having this lunch or whatever, fascinating. Sure. And meanwhile,

they're having a Hanukkah party back in America. Oh, my God, it's a gaggle of them. Oh, look at them all. Oh, it smells delicious in here. What a fantasy land you've created. Can we have some more locks on our bacon? Could David Attenborough narrate this for me? And what is this called?

Man, a chef. It's amazing. It tastes delicious. But, you know, I'll tell you what, though, I, listen, a fucking Hanukkah party where it's like old Hollywood guys telling inside business stories or whatever. Like, that's how that script got greenlit. That's what it was like making that movie. That's what it, that's why we killed that girl, you know, all that stuff.

That'd be awesome, yeah. Invite me to that, man. I'd love it. I mean, half it would be lies, but it would be. lot of fun. You get the great Shelly bourbon in this sequence, which I love. Oh, dude, love old Shelly man. And that's, and that is when

I, I, I, I decided to hide the identity of the black dolly. I thought that, you know, he seemed like a nice guy. And it seemed like it was just a, a mistake. It got out of control. This girl gets off a bus like a flower waiting to be plucked. What am I supposed to do? If he hadn't done it, I would have done it.

It's just, you know, Bill Macy is the other actor in this sequence. Oh, right, from Maud and all that stuff. He's in the jerk and, yeah, a bunch of shit. It's fun, and Jack Black shows up, which is also, it's kind of weird where, like, she is like, oh, we're having a Hanukkah party. And then, like, Jack Black looks and they're like, what? What did you join the tribe since I left? I'm like, how did you know she wasn't Jewish?

Like, I don't know. Like, it's not 100% one way or another. It's kind of an odd thing to say, but it's also a weird, like, he never, I mean, Jack Black himself as like the real guy is Jewish but like they don't really kind of confirm that he hit the character

it seems like he's not right like the way he's behaving here that would make him a character that would give a detail to him I don't think they're doing that I don't think what's so funny though Chris is for this one it's so easy right it's like oh I don't want to step on your toes

at the party no no come in we're just getting started and you cut and it's Jack Black is saying some prayer or something is the life of the party he knows what to do. He's having a great time. No, but like, it's such an easy way to be like, oh, yeah, the character is Jewish. Here he is, you know,

reading Hebrew prayer before the dinner or something like that. This almost feels like intimacy, which would have been a nice thing for this movie to have a little bit of, you talk about romance and shit. Like, I drove me nuts this scene because, like, also like, yeah, he is, he's just like, oh man, this is the best

Hanukkah party I've ever been to, guys. It's just amazing. He was just talking about sucking Carrie Grant's dick. It was I had never I'd just never been in a place like this before it's incredible And then I told Randolph Scott Hold my beer

And I got that fucking thing That giant schvance And ironically there was a There was a beer to be held Yeah exactly Yeah there's a lot of stuff going up back then This is where he's like Oh I've had too much Manashevitz

They're walking out This is the bad It's the two of them talking Eli Wallach's not there This is the two of them talking about Adding the kid to the end of Here's looking at you kid, fucking horrible. Just pants shittingly terrible line.

This is where he says you look beautiful tonight, the way you would say that to your little sister on a prom night. You know, that's what you're just like with all the sizzle and crackle of that. Do we mention there was... And then he goes, don't blow away. And the wind starts pulling. And he just like starts tipsily walking towards this car. And she's smiling.

Oh, what a rube. Oh, that guy. What a card. There's also a mention whether the girlfriend was on location in New Mexico. yes yeah so that's why yeah that's why he's coming around is because uh maggie is down in santa because the old guys were right they were like what the what the fuck are where's this actress you're dating where is she all right because they know the score they know they've been around the business exactly the second these actors get out forget about it we we we have a deal you know she's out of town and like i i can get up to the stuff it's not like she's going to do anything oh come on oh damn a good visual joke here because we cut to cameron dia she's taking a bath and the fucking stupid trailer guy comes in again it means nothing but there is a good gag because when she gets to the house she sees the tub and it's just like a tiny tub and she goes i don't know how we're going to make that work and then you see her taking a bath of this thing

and she's clearly like fucking two feet tall for this tub like her legs are hanging over it's very funny it's a beautiful uh cloth with bathtub though really nice for sure again it's the haves and the really have that's the difference but so the the little guy here the trailer guy you know gets her pissed off again she kicks a bunch of water out of the tub and it's this really odd like transition like she uses the water splash to like make the cut it's it's very bad but anyway it's her showing up to jude law's house unexpectedly because at the end of their first date their big date he's like oh could i come in she's like no i think i want to spend the night by myself so he goes home and then she's like feeling bad about it and you never show up to anybody's house

unannounced. I mean, that's just not. No, you can't do that. Even if your name's Kramer, I don't like that. Exactly. But so it's, it's the whole like, oh, you clearly have someone here and he's like acting weird about it. And she's like, oh, you're not alone, are you? Yeah, you're shagging someone rotten. You're shagging a bird rotten in there, aren't you? Dude. And then it's like double douche chill, though. The door opens even farther. There's just a little kid standing there. Oh, you. I am daddy. Oh, that's kind of funny. And yes, their names are Olivia and Sophie, both the names that came up on the cell phone at separate times that she thought were like other sexy.

Oh, my God, they're his daughters and they're not sluts. They are, and they need to be turned down by 40%. There's just so much cute kid in the next 20 minutes in this movie. It's like, it's a movie's worth of cute kid into 20 minutes. You know what, Steve, cute kids, that's awfully nice. It is, it's nice to see, it's nice to see, it's nice to hear. it's nice to just hang out with these people for a little bit. One joke that

hits is like, oh, you look like one of my Barbie dolls. It's kind of fun. Yeah, that's great. But yeah, so she is like, tell me right now, like, are you married? Like, you've to tell me immediately. And he's like, no, the kids kind of go out the room. And she's like, oh, are you D-I-B-O-R-C-E-D? And he's like,

no, I'm a W-I-D-O-W-E-R, actually. And she's like, oh, triple D-S-D-D-D-D-H. We never find out how it happened. And I'm thinking he fucking killed. Yeah, absolutely. They were on a cruise boat and he shoved her over the edge. Interestingly enough, they were in a boat together.

And he's like, you know what? This time you're going to get talented Mr. Ripley. Now I got the oar, bitch. He's going to pretend you're Matt Damon. Rewatched that around right after we watched the new one that came out with Andrew. What's his face there? Andrew Scott, yeah, which I think. thought was pretty solid actually man that movie though hot damn it's great great really good movie

that is just some like top tier it's top tier faufman that you forget oh yeah fuffman's floating around in that movie she like you know they're like oh you can sleep over if you won't to and just like no i'd rather be dead so she leaves but it's sort of like this you know let's try and make this thing work now that we know but it's also awkward because like now you're fucking a dude with kids right where's that going to go and you're only there for seven days you're in her with this family you get to know their little fun stuff i want to highlight mr napkin head oh of course i love this mr napkin head it's like he puts a napkin over his face and like it's got like the mouth and he puts the glasses on this needs to be a slasher this is a terrifying visage it is like to see

mr napkinhead killing people yeah you know it'd be funny dude he would have to be like wherever the guy is under the mask which is the napkin uh you would have to have backup napkins in your pocket or You're, like, killing onesie that you're wearing. Because, like, if Mr. Napkinhead Man is getting caught in the rain, I mean. I think you've got to go clothed napkin at that point. But then all the kids in the town are buying napkins to put on their face and then the crazy doctor shooting at them to. Hey, Mr. Napkin Headman, who's trying to kill you?

I don't know, but they better not. It's a very Adam Sederer bit. I'm Mr. Napkinhead. Now, give me some candy. do you think like she called up sandler and she was like hi you don't know me but um i'm looking for something stupid you would do like for a kid and he was like well actually my kids enjoy a little treat i do with the dinner table called mr knocking head and she was like that's all i need thank you adam sandler she didn't have to call me was at the blockbuster video

with dustin hoffin and everyone else who should be do you making a movie Jesus Christ. Shoot what you do? You making a movie, too? Can everyone stop interrupting my movie? But man, he is just auditioning this woman to be mom number two, no doubt about it.

Like come sit in our little, like, cool little fort we made. We're holding hands. Oh, boy. It's an audition. Yep. And then once you take it, he's going to check right the fuck out of a lot of stuff.

Get ready for that. yeah once you take the bane oh honey I would love to have a date tonight but Zimmer's in town and he's going to premiere the Kung Fu Panda stuff I have to be there yeah he's gonna be up all night

dune blow with Hans Zimmer they're gonna go back to the pub together get pissed well because again he's a fall down drug that's what I forget Han Zimmer both of them yes but you know so like

not much is going again like This is where it's, it's really the Cameron Dia show for a while. We don't come back to Kate Winslet a bit, you know, basically not much as progresses there. It's like she's, she's now friends with Eli Wallach and Jack Black. That's it. It's just the WGA shit. Like, that's the whole thing, right? Is that what you eventually find out they're doing a, a tribute to him at the WGA.

And like, he doesn't want it. And she convinces him to do it. And that is the big fucking plot. That's it. Yep. And it's a weird, he's like, well, the whole reason I don't want to do it is I'm paranoid. One, no one's going to show up. And two, I'm going to be too weak and feeble to get up on the stage to like accept the award and make a speech.

So she's like, okay, what if I, not a licensed physical therapist, but rather a fake Carrie Bradshaw in a newspaper. Why don't I give you physical therapy? We can get you in shape. Let's do some aqua size, right? You know what? I just watched cocoon. I think I can do this. oh yeah i think i can i think i got you yeah in this movie that this is how those guys got

their dicks heart again mhm cat couldn't scratch it Eli Wallach lived to be 99 years old that's my man bless him hell yeah i love hell yeah uh but yeah so like that's going on for a while like we sort of just cut back and like this is where we have the big uh we're getting the wires crossed like he's talking to kate winslet on the train oh yes and it's like beep up oh hang on once I have a caller ID and it's Cameron Diaz on the other end so we're doing that and it's like oh have you met my brother yeah oh how's you doing and then

the cross talk turns into she realizes that Jude Laws had sex with this woman and screams into the phone like you slept with the woman renting my house and uh oh still Cameron Diaz on the line oh no because Nancy Myers was up watching a fucking episode of sign film while she was writing

the script and was like that's perfect but also as a sister I mean come on he's a widower let him bang what he's going to bang. Yeah, sure, yeah. You got to let that off the leash a little bit. I think I'd just be more like, fine, man, but don't be doing your dirty sex

in my house. Exactly. I let you crash there. I let you vomit there. I don't want you coming there, too. Burn the sheets. Don't give me like a bad review on this house swapping site because, you know, you did bad, nasty shit with this lady. She's like, oh, wait a second. You had sex with the woman renting my house.

Oh, how'd you get her to open the door? Threaten you were going to piss on it? Oh, I know that trick. That's an old one. but a goody of course yeah don't try that at home but so like she's now aware of that and they're like in this weird sort of stalemate of like I don't know if I want to continue seeing this guy because it's only going to exacerbate the situation

wherein and meanwhile like her and jack black on Christmas Eve are now a blockbuster right because she thinks that uh because the phone rings again she thinks it's Cameron Diaz and it's actually Jack Black like oh what do you doing on Christmas Eve and this is man like he comes in you can see you know blockbuster

and all its glory it's amazing he's got these two like frozen Moka Joe bullshit coffee drinks it is 2004 for life in this sequence and he is just vamped in this blockbuster and I wanted it to be over I really singing the film scores for every single movie he comes across

yikes dude this date would be over yeah no thank you And it's so weird, he's still doing all these jokes about this film scores. They're in this great relationship and then all of a sudden she made a joke about the Trump assassination and he's like, so completely distances himself from her. Like absolutely

out of nowhere. It's like, I don't know who she was. I didn't want that to happen. I didn't talk to her. And then it was weird. It cuts to Dustin Hoffman who oversaw the whole thing and he goes, well, it's weird. A girl can't even make a joke anymore. Sir, I don't want to bother you. I could see that you're looking

at a pretty woman here. I just want you know. I do not support what she just said. But we are the ones he goes through, like chariots of fire driving Miss Daisy and gone with the wind. And when he gets to Gone with the Wind, he's like screaming it. And all I could think about was it just reminded me so much of Jamie Kennedy screaming.

Everybody's a suspect in his video story and scream. Definitely buy it. But basically, whilst this is happening, he sees Shannon Sossman holding hands with a dude outside. He's like, wait, what? I think it's the dude. from the trailer that she was cutting. Okay. Yeah.

And they wind up, you know, he goes out or the score that he was writing the music to. Sorry. He confronts them and then basically we're back at the house and she... All silent, by the way. Why would you want to hear any of that fucking conversation? Not a single... It's just Cameron, or it's Kate Winslet looking at

Jack Black through... Like, she's spying him through a fucking tower of Act 2 popcorn tablets. You know what... Because if you heard that, some not nice things would be said. That's true. And this is a nice. There's some really not nice. That's a nice movie. You can't be having not nice things. No. That would start conflict and we do

not want conflict. No, thank you. And basically, she gives them the right act of like, you know, I know I really do know what you're going through because my whole shit she goes through it. They're like, well, I guess we're having Fettuccini on Christmas Eve, cut to a hat montage, which I'm not quite sure how it works. I know, but like why didn't they fuck this night? Right. He's going to make Fettuccini, pops a bubbly, start a

fire outside and then we move on. They are two planks of wood. They are two they just do not have any sexual chemistry whatsoever. They are two planks of wood and they need a nail. Exactly. You know, you know what's going to get me so turned on a big, steam, thick, heavy, creamy ass bowl of

Fettuccini Alfredo. Let's get farting and fucking. Are you kidding me? It worked for a Reno macaroni, okay, pal. Oh, man. I guarantee you that guy like Boston. Oh, by the bowlful, absolutely.

No, it's just like, can I pick the most unsexy dish to get us in the mood on Christmas Eve? Like, I don't, sloppy buffalo wings. Let's make those. I have never loved somebody so much. I've never felt so connected some... Oh, got a shit. Sorry, I got a shit. You know, I don't know if there's shit,

but the farts I'm about to take are going to be so loud. I might as well be shitting, and I might shit too. so I'm just going to go in there and just take a precautionary take my pants off for safety You know what Iris This relationship is way too new

for me to shart in front of you So I'm just going to use the restroom But also just really quickly Iris Before I do go into the bathroom Phil of Fetuccini Alfredo If I were to write a score for you This is what the score would sound like There it is

No what it was supposed to be No I can't reach the keyboard The corn wasn't supposed to be in there The corn is separate from the beautiful theme song. You had to use heavy cream and parmesan. Jesus! You guys are right. He should have read the room.

This is a British bird, as they call them. Of course. He should have done like a meat pie or a pudding of some kind. Oh, yeah. A blood pudding. So they wind up, he does, there's another moment where he is composing Eli Wallach's score. He's like, this is the, you know, Arthur's score. You know, I mean, a score for you.

it's all the good notes it's like that's it's a sweet line but again it's not coming out of him no it just coming out of him just doesn't like it's wrong line i remember thinking like that's a good line i wish literally any other actor was saying it because it just doesn't work no yeah he's he's lost in this one it just it doesn't work even the the fucking scene when they're at the bar and he gets the thing from shannon sawson and like maybe i want to be back with you and i'm like i don't even think a great actor could have handled handled this scene well, but he just fucking butchers it. It's just

a complete disaster. One thing from the score scene that I do want to say, she does Polly Shore with him a little bit. Like, oh, they get Jack Blacking. Exactly. Like, she's like, wheezed the juice with him for a moment. Because basically, like, he's going to, rega-dick-dick-do,

like, le-l-le-le. Like he does. And she's like, Ricka-dicky-toe. And he's like, you're Ricky-Dic-Doo. And I'm like, oh, that's what do-l-d-do. It's good that I memorized all those Shakespeare plays to be able to do this. It's just, it's a really good thing. To say scruidily do on the big screen. Skibidi boobabba.

Oh, God. Oh, boy. But, yeah. Then we get to some post-coital Jude Law and Cameron Diaz where it's a, it's a PG-13 movie. So this bra's just on for no reason. What the hell? That's definitely the thing you want to put on after sex for sure. Not a shirt or anything.

Yeah, get right back into one of those. get the hooks back in but basically he is trying to figure out ways of like how this could work like you know do you go to New York often and she's like not so much do you come to England often not so much

that kind of thing and like it's just and she's like well there's you know we could also do this thing we you know we could do this long thing where I wind up hating you or you hate hating me or we just kind of fucking said it and forget it by fucking each other you know what I mean and be done with it and he's like no

I think well that's he's like okay so those those are the options either we call it here or we try to give it a go for a long distance and like when that inevitably breaks down it just breaks down and we don't fret about it and he's like oh I could throw a grenade

on the whole thing I love you oh yes nice oh what are you kidding me that's nice that's very nice oh that's and she's just kind of like doosh chill like she's got

like he's like staring at her and she's got she's got some awkward line where she's like will you please stop looking at me like so I can process this I'm like oh gee he's got a new mom hook line and sicker he thinks right he's going to reel her in and then he can go get pissed every night

yes you can take care of those kids Marlin's on the line baby it's like oh yeah there's a line do you want I know that you just got out of a bad relationship do you want two new children that are yours yeah you listen you pass the audition with flying collars last night. I talked to the girls.

They loved you. We would like to offer you the role of mom number two. And also, I love you. At least you don't have to deal with any acts. It's a huge perk that this bitch is dead. You know? And the cool thing is they're both 10 and 8.

So you get to have them their entire teenage years when they hate your fucking guts. You know, probably better than the whole diaper stuff. Sure. I don't know. That versus like in an emotional moment, being essentially accused of killing their mother. Exactly.

That is, you know. As long as they're toilet trained, that's what I care. Sure. Getting bad British curses thrown at me in the morning. Yeah, absolutely. I'm just writing them down, like, tell me more. Tell me more. What does a jollywager even mean?

There's a line here, though, that, like, the movie isn't smart enough to catch that it's funny and then, like, doesn't acknowledge it as such, where he's basically talking about, like you know so you know I you I might not be the total package but my packages it's me and the two girls and that's the total package and I realize that in the hard light of day my package might not be as appealing or it's something like that and like nope like that's what she has to cut to Cameron Diaz and like there has to be an acknowledgement of what we're talking about here because like you like otherwise it just sounds and looks like the movie doesn't understand that it just made a double entendre and it's like how incompetent are we getting that that

a joke line that's not acknowledged as a joke line and it drove me nuts. But so it's like we leave it there. Meanwhile, the Jack Black story, Chris already kind of alluded to it. They're having sushi. He gets a call from Shed in Sussman that she wants to sort of...

First, the boob graze. Accidental boob graze. Yes, you got to mention that boob graze. He's reaching for like soy sauce or something and his finger gets a little bumpage there. It's titillating. Definitely need to bring this up.

You know, I couldn't just let that slide. Nope, nope, nope. Let's talk about this for five minutes. Oh, wait. After I just touched your breasts, is that a phone call from my ex-girlfriend who's cheating on me? Yeah, I'm leaving. I'm going there now because fuck you.

Fuck this date or whatever this is. I'm out of here. He does that, this awkward thing. No, no, finish your food. I'm fine. I'm like, no, get the fuck out of here, dude. It's amazing. Like, kicking up the fucking phone at the sushi bar, like right now, it'd be like, oh, I have

to take this. And it's like, oh, it's Maggie. Hello, Maggie. Come on. No way, dude. What an asshole. Dude, and he's like, oh, no, yeah. You know, your spicy tuna hasn't even come yet.

It's like, oh, dude. Are you going to do a little song? Spicy tuna tap, tap, tap, tap. Shut up. And then she's a tidily toddlea to doodle it, tuna. You know, honestly, when I was trying to fuck you, I tidily toddle it with you, but I will not be doing it. If you're leaving me alone in a sushi restaurant,

And I believe, I don't know, Christmas Day, I'm not sure. For Shannon Sossaman, of all, 40 days and 40 nights, Shannon Sossaman. One mist cold, Shannon Sossaman. I was in Titanic, you know. These titties were in Titanic. Tiddly, tidily, tidalitoo. Oh, I just, I just tidily toude with a tidily Titanic. Oh, man, you know, the icebergs.

a boob graze on that ship. To start. Also, other scumbag thing about what Jack Black's character is doing in this moment on top of the, oh no, finish your food, there's time or whatever. He's like, well, now that I have to go talk to Maggie, I don't know if I'm going to make Eli Wallach's awards reception,

which is like what I've been working with you on, like this whole fucking movie. Wasn't he supposed to do the music or something? And he never does. No, he did the theme. He did. He wrote the theme. I guess they do play it there when he goes. Come on. He's given play the fucking music yourself like

Hans Zimmer live in concert well what's unfortunate what we are robbed of because of this Shannon Sossaman phone call is right before the phone call happens she Kate Winslet is like oh great news Jack Black Albert or whatever his name is Eli Wallach's character

wants you to write lyrics to his theme song and like that's when the phone rings and I was like no no go back to that because that's an awful idea and I want to hear more about it Here comes the screenwriter Arthur Abbott like what would that even be? He likes to tippity two on his tapety-rightly do.

He lies a lot about Hollywood. He's old and Jewish. He's here all the time. He's the one who canily killed Natalie Woodley dude. But so whatever. And meanwhile she goes back and here comes Rufus Sewell. Just show it up. Dude, and doing the creep tax.

thing of calling on the phone and being like, oh, did you get the package? I sent it FedEx. That's like third time, by the way. She's like, oh, let me go check the porch. And he's standing there. Serial killer move. And she's basically like, she's overwhelmed.

It's a big romantic gesture. And like it seems like they're going to be doing stuff. And then he does reveal, yes, I, oh, I'm still definitely not unengaged. Right. Well, because that's the, like the thing is like the big. the gesture like you said she takes that as like clearly he's left sarah behind in in england and here he is for me and it's like it appears to be hours later when they're sitting outside and like

the because like the sun's kind of setting and it was like earlier when he gets there and that's when she's like wait a second are you fucking still engaged and he's like is that a problem baby yeah don't you doesn't this doesn't the word mistress sound sexy to you this is just demented right traveling across the world to string this girl along he needs to be hit by a bus at the end of this movie I wish at long last she finally grows the spine

and tells him to go fuck off and like she's like I finally out of love with you thank you so much and she goes up to Eli Wallach and they go to this big event I mean again this is like what December 26 December 27 I don't know who knows

there's talk about like at the end when Miles Jack Black was like oh we have a date on New Year's Eve in the UK or whatever so it's within that week. It's within the stipulation of the two week holiday. And again, like I said, after the 13th,

no one's showing up for shit. I'm sorry. Oh, no, I would never program like a, like a fucking film evening with event like this in that week between Christmas and New Year, nobody's doing anything. No one's there. It's a packed house because this is Arthur Abbott guys. Come on.

The guy that said kids. and he triumphantly, you know, walks up the stairs by himself. Right, the old man's greatest foe, stairs. And it's, it's kind of unfortunate because he's about to give this great speech about the industry today. And I actually want to hear it. But then they cut back to Jack Black and Kate Winslow because Jack Black shows up in the middle. What did I miss? Oh, there's Arthur.

Sorry, I was lately date. And he's like, let me just talk to this old man's fucking big. And I realized then that my. father so do you want to do something could you shut the fuck up please this is an old man's talking let me finish speaking to you yeah no I screwed up I made a mistake you know you know

she's dumped capoots I'm done with the actress mag could the fucking cast from friends down there shut the fuck up while I'm giving my lifetime achievement award please all right where was I so then in 1943 the following happened

I mean here's the thing I this all got me like a little old man and he's like a Billy Wilder type guy and he's honored like this like we have thrown so many like elderly industry people in the fucking garbage and like

this was a thing it just it got me I was like this is fucking sweet but they cut his speech to nothing oh yeah oh yeah no it's completely disrespect because listen when I said it's two and a half movies in one he's the point five you know and it's just it's that's why I just want it as a movie

because it's like I don't know it would remind of like a good mr holland's opus or some shit yeah but he could give a speech but he doesn't basically it's like yeah i dump ched it's awesome it dump it dumper de dump her and oh yeah so do da da do do do do da da da da da da dump and she's like well what do he's like what are you doing new year's eve and she's like well i'm gonna be in england it's like wow he's never been to europe and i believe he kisses around the cheek or something like where they kiss a little bit it's It's like a, it's like a, it's like a cheek neck situation on the border, on the border lands. Eric, stop.

I'm getting hard. Then we see your ankle later, Chris. It's hard to explain, but when I was kissing you, it was like, I was kissing my brother. And it was hot. It was really hot. I got to say, I wonder if my brother has the chemistry like this, because my God. Next is obviously where Amanda's leaving Graham. Atlanta's leaving Graham.

and like basically like you know well we're not going to say goodbye we're just going to say talk to you soon kind of a thing should have said smell you later that right but she's like excited because she got laid right so the trailer voice is back it's like Amanda woods welcome back you got nutted in right in a nut well no what welcome back is because she no it's not the nutting it's the cry it's the other leakage yes yes one or the other Exactly Because of different heads

Steve's words Not mine She went Oh now Now I'm over the top I've finally done it I've grossed out Eric Sisica I'm respectable

Yeah sure I don't even understand What Steve said that was so gross What were you offended by The other Leak and come Neither leak come or you leaked tears It's the two things

No that's not true We all recall Whatever that pharmaceutical commercial was that was like yeah this is really great to help your diabetes also causes anal leak oh yeah so you know a leak can come from anywhere

gotta give me some of those she uh she said the car she starts crying and she realizes oh man this is the guy for me so she asked the guy to stop the car and I know it's supposed to be funny it's like how long it takes her to start running

but it really takes her a long time to get through this fucking village much like the film She's in, like, heel boots and whatnot. Right. There was a classic heel joke earlier in the film we didn't touch on. Just wearing high heels in the snow. Why not?

You're from L.A. Look how different we are. I can't believe they didn't touch on the classic heel joke. She goes through no fewer than fucking five fences, man. I'm sorry. There's a horse gate. Could we just get this woman in the back of the house? I get it.

It's like Ferris Bueller's day off. Yeah. Like, dinner's ready. Not remotely funny. That's true. And she... Aye. I. I.

She goes back. Jude Law is crying. She is crying. That's cute. They make out. And then we just see everyone at the end at the old cottage, having a toast. We're here all together for New Year's Eve. And we're going to have presumably some type of orgy.

Also, if I'm Jack Black, I'm like, hey, you know, when I said, you want to do something in New Year's Eve, about, I was assuming some cool, posh London thing, not hang out with your brother and his shitty kids. I don't, if, if I'm Jack Black, I'm like, I am marrying into the biggest publishing fucking family. I am like, you want me to hang out? Sounds good. Ricky, dicky do.

A big high fives to Nance for not making anybody pregnant here. Yeah, yeah. Big high fives all around for Nance on that. It would be a little early. I mean, it's just the 31st, you know. I would not put it past her. No, but what you could do there is a one year later and someone's knocked up.

Yeah, that's a good point. It's Christmas. Because I had the same exact thought, Steve. It's like, yeah, I thought we'd have a cool, like we don't have any kids kind of London scene New Year's. Where I'm fucking fucking you at a hotel and supposed to like play in fucking pin the tail of a dog with a fucking six-year-old girl. We're going to sleep at a small place that's heated by one stove

for the whole domicile there. And I could be strangers at any second. all right cool but that is just that's that's where it ends that's the end of the holiday one of the longest christmas i've ever watched i think i think uh she get a check on this i believe this is longer than love actually but it's not longer than um uh uh oh lord almighty uh the jimmy stewart movie there it's a wonderful life it's a wonderful life which i think it's like two 30 something this is 216 and we did we didn't mention every single time they talked about the Santa Ana Wins that was

like half of the fucking movie. Yep. So we did leave a few things out and we apologize. Yeah, apologize. All your favorite lines. You said Anna Wins lines. Yeah, I don't know if you're a fan of the Santa Ana Wins or if this is indeed a Christmas classic for you, which it could be for some people. We'll go around the horn here.

Final thoughts and recommendations. Andrew, it's a wonderful life. 2.10. It's actually shorter than this movie. 2.10. Oh, wow. I remembered it being much longer. Ooh, I was wrong. How about that? That movie contains an alternate reality. That's right. So does this movie, man.

No poor people. That's an alternate reality. All right. Final thoughts and recommendations here. Steve Saneck. Oh, it sucks. I'm not a big fan. Again, I think,

and I don't like Love Actually, but at least Love Actually, like, I think that there's some fun moments in it. And it's so bonkers, swinging for the fences. It's at least worth watching. This is, it's just very dry, very, again, like, to Chris's point,

it's really nice the entire way. nobody's nobody gets too hot or hot-blooded it's just sort of it's just very nice that it ends and i i really think that kate wins most people are aside for the carad deez are woefully miscast in this movie uh and to the movie's detriment to my detriment for having to watch the movie i you're thinking that's a miscasting on jude law too yeah no i guess you're right he's he's probably fine uh but yeah that's about it uh yeah no thanks uh uh chris cabin oh it's horrible I mean, the, I mean, what Andrew brought up the idea that there's this two and a half movies, it's two and a half Nancy Myers movies.

Like, you could have had any one of these, like, she does couple movies, like a couple coming together or not coming together. Like, that's essentially what she does well. And like, you just shove it all in at once and it's just, it doesn't work. Like, all of it feels like flimsy. It all feels empty. And I just found myself, like, not wanting to even want. watch the nice things. And I like nice stuff as much as the next person. But like, this is just

an overdose of it. To, like, I don't know if, I'm not sure if anybody was miscast as much as just like they weren't given anything. It's all fucking crap. I don't know if anybody would have made this stuff good. I really don't. I have no idea of who could make, who could sell this. Jew law, I do agree, does the best of it. But that's because he's fucking handsome as shit. And I can't stop looking at him. But yeah, I really do not like this movie. And I, to be clear, I do like other Nancy Myers movies. It's just this one really fucking drives me insane. Eric Sis.

Yeah, it is over, long and underwritten to the point where it's just like, you don't really get a feel for these people. And it's totally fine if you enjoy this movie, but I'm a H-A-T-E-R of it. Sorry. Yeah, no, it's not recommend for me either. We should say we talked about it briefly elsewhere, but this is only the second. time i've seen this movie the first time was in theaters uh with uh my good friend chris cabman and my my wife who considers herself as the tag along i think i remember when you guys were doing this and it was the back end of a double feature where chris and i saw apocalyptic the mel gipson

movie and then she was meeting us for the second uh feature and i believe because it was at the empire 25 which is before assigned seating it was a really easy like still is let's face it uh sneak in you know whatever you want to double dip at the movies and i believe that's what we were doing and it was like just meet us for this other movie and like man who would have thought that like here's this movie with like jude law jack black kate wins like Cameron diaz and i'm like you know the better movie of that afternoon is melkinson's apocalyptic by a mile like oh my god i would have watched apocalyptic before this any fucking day name it i feel like i've heard directorial stuff i think my favorite Nancy

Myers movie is that Lindsay Lohan parent track I think something's got to give was like fine from what I remember the intern is an abysmal embarrassing movie you feel sorry for everybody involved but then like her screenplays like

the father of the bride one and two are great fucking movies Private Benjamin so like you know we're not the anti-Nance it's just like Chris said boy this movie a whole saying a whole lot of nothing for two hours and 16 minutes. But that is going to do it for this edition

of We Hate Movies. As always, thank you so much for tuning in. If you had commercials on here, we do have a way you can get around that if you don't want to listen to such things. Patreon.com slash We hate movies. We're not only do we offer ad-free We Hate Movies every week, but we have a plethora. If you're new to the show, joining us for the first time,

we have a plethora of bonus shows that we put out on Patreon every month. And this month we're doing, let's see. So it's December. We have a Melrode, 2&O coming out. Unfortunately, not Christmas theme. last month. No. But it is getting crazy in Melrose.

Oh, yes. We've really hit it now. It's starting to pop off. It's getting nutty. Street racing. We're ripping wigs off and having weird head scars sex. Like, that's on Melrose place,

by the way. That's not 9-0-2. No, no, no. What were we doing on animation, Damnation, Steve? We are doing the little drummer boy, the Reagan and Bass. Oh, boy, that's a creepy.

Horrors. It's, it's creepy, it's uncomfortable. and it looks like shit. Yes, we had a lot of fun taking that one for a walk. On the Gleap Glouclery this month, we are not talking about Tulsa King. That was last month. You want to play catch up, check out that on Tulsa King. But we were talking about Zuckus.

We are now, we will now have covered all four core bounty hunters from, well, what was it? Bobafed, IG88, Dengar, Bosque, Zuckus, and Fort LaM, all six bounty hunters we have now covered on the Glep this month rounding it out with last but not least the z-entry zuckus the sinister sixth yes yeah absolutely so that's going on uh once in a lifetime is back that's our lifetime movie recap show uh where we are doing a film entitled it's beginning to look a lot like murder great title oh my god uh briefly featuring eric roberts in the motion picture uh that was a wild conversation and uh the final commentary the year is dropping at the end of the month where we're talking about Aungle's Hulk

we're talking over it, I should say, you can sink along or not, but that'll be out at the end of the month. All this and more, folks, patreon.com slash we hate movies. Now, Steve Sadek, the holiday fun continues here on the program next Tuesday. What classic Christmas gem will we be talking about then?

It is Ernest saves Christmas. Yes. Oh, boy. Oh, man. A long time coming. I watched this yesterday and just had my mind blown. I'm looking forward to having my mind blown. Ernest is an agent of chaos, my friend.

Love it. He's just best buds with Santa in that movie. It's a real weird one, man. But it's what happens when a commercial comes to life and gets to make movies. That's what happened to Ernest. And he's saving Christmas next week here on Wee Hay Movies. Until then, I've been Andrew Juven. Steven said Eric Siska.

Chris Cabin. Take it easy. You know what I'm going to be.