We Hate Movies - S15 Ep777: Madame Web

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

“Her character…it’s like she’s an alien!” - Eric, on Cassie Webb On the first episode of 2025, we’re kicking off a month of talking about movies we saw last year— good, bad and otherwise— and it all starts with, you guessed it, Madame Web! Why is every single performance in this film so stiff? How are so many previous draft ideas still stuck in the final product? Why can’t these girls get their powers in this movie so something can actually happen? And in this movie, seriously asking here, is Cassie Webb supposed to be an actual space alien? PLUS: A baby shower is never just a BBQ, folks! Madame Web stars Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor, Tahar Rahim, Emma Roberts, Adam Scott, Kerry Bishé, and Mike Epps as O’Neil; directed by S.J. Clarkson. This episode is brought to you in part by Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney dot com slash WHM today! And this episode is also brought to you by Mando! Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code WHM at Mandopodcast.com/WHM! #mandopod  Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program, it takes this movie 96 minutes exactly to literally roll into a fireworks factory. It's Madam Webb. I'm Andrew Jupin. I'm Stephen Shadak. I'm ADR. Eric Spiderska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies, the first of 2025. Oh, my good God. Welcome back, guys. Welcome back to Skuyl. Here we are. This is the month where we talk about movies that came out the previous year. Some of them you will see on the lineup if you are.

a Patreon subscriber and you have that lineup. You were going to know some of these, maybe not the worst. I actually like some of them. I like, I mean, beekeepers coming up. I had a blast with beekeeper. Absolutely. It was fun. I actually, I'm the lone person that likes Alien Romulus. Maybe the second time around, I'll have a different thought, but I like Alien Romulus.

I think it's an interesting, I think it's more important to have interesting conversations. Yeah, there we go. I mean, we could talk about, I don't know, like Killem All 2 or something with John Cod Van Dam. But you're not going to even want to listen to it. So listen to an interesting conversation. on a movie maybe you even like

and we'll just punt the ball back and forth. A little fun with it. Yeah. I saw a frame grab for that J.CVD movie. Dude, he's looking like an old football these days. That guy. You are absolutely correct. I think my letterbox review for that one was he looks like rotissory chicken. Oh, man. Delicious Belgian

rotissory chicken. He's still got some of the juice. I will say that some of them. We should say that Chris isn't here right now. He went over that overpass in that ambulance. In the the water. I hope he's okay. I haven't been checking. So he's not studying spiders in the Amazon? He's not

no, but this was only the second of four times he will be knocked into the water. Okay, well we will resuscitate him next week or not. We'll see what happens, but yes, we are here talking about. So I took a really long, a roundabout way to say, while some of the things, you know, we enjoy that we're going to be talking about this month,

we're starting off with dog shit. It's Madam Webb from last year directed by S.J. Clarkson, who you may know is directing all of... Television. Pretty much Television, Anatomy of a scandal, she directed all of that, and that was kind of like a big thing from a few years ago. And then also, Eric, you may be interested to know the unaired Game of Thrones prequel pilot. Oh, it sounds like it was a good idea. Yeah, well, I always wonder, is it better than House of the Dragon?

Because almost anything could be. Because honestly, I dropped House of the Dragon. I did too, yeah. I cannot. I just cannot. I'm excited for Night of the Seven Kingdoms coming up. I read the novella, I believe. Okay. It's a novella.

So that's actually, it's a thing that's been written. Is it by George Double R? That's right. George Railroadmark. Everyone just started showing up with white hair and I got sick of it. You know what I mean? I agree. I can't look at that. Speaking of things I can barely look at, holy crap, this movie. Go around the horn here. I saw this in theaters. Did anybody else? Yes, I did. Yes, I saw it in theaters. And I was literally the only person in the theater when I saw it.

I went like in the daytime. I was praying for it, dude. I was like ready to go like, yeah, private screening time. Nah. I love those private screening times when you get those. And I can this run up and down the fucking the aisles. I was just screaming? What's going on with this movie? Sometimes when the movies are so bad I just get some cardio in. I'm so annoyed. That's never ever happened to me. Every time it's always been blown by somebody else

that comes in, I'm like, is it gonna it's like, it's like poor man's first class on an airplane. Exactly. And you're like waiting for that door to close. And the last second, some asshole in a messenger bag is like, wait, I'm sorry, and then ruins it for you. I saw this. This was, it definitely, my screening, and it was like a Thursday night or something the week of

of like one of the earlier screenings, people are already laughing with it and laughing at it. You know what I mean? The cat was way out of the bag on this one. That's how you get through it, man. I have to say, I think I'm the only one here that did this. The, uh, not 4DX, Regal RPX, I think it's, whatever

sprays you with water. No, no, there's another one. So Regal has the, yeah, the 4DX, which is the seat moves and you get douche with water and there's wind and everything. There's another thing where it's screen x i think it's what it's called where it does like a triple-sided thing so you're watching the movie on the screen and then they have fake side things like side projections that go up against the left and right wall there's more of the peruvian amazon aka Mexico but it's all so fake though like you look at it and it's like when they're in the jungle and then like the sides

of the theater it's just like extra trees and bushes oh weird and it wasn't doing it for the whole movie it's only select sequences so so when you were in new york city sequences you didn't see more of boston no you did not uh but it was it was one of the dumbest things and i was so stoned and i was like the weed is not helping this this is how bad this experience and they're charging you more for that i'm sure i think it was an upgraded ticket but this is the only time i've ever done that and that mission impossible rogue nation is the only time i will do 4 dx but this was like somehow worse than 4dx at least 4dx like there's a thing yeah exactly this is just like that person at work that's got

the expanded monitor desktop thing going on? I've never done either of those. No, I never will. Save your panties man. No, I'm waiting for the tingler to come back. Madam Webb, just a comic book expert, Steve's saying, yeah, let's do it. Just an FYI to anyone that's thinking about

making a comic book movie. You've got 40 years of comic book sales to let you know that Marvel Comics have never released Madam Webb as a comic book. They never, they never have a long There is no Madam Web number one anywhere. Wait, is that true?

Like, there's nothing at all? Nothing. So she was just a side character, like the amazing Spider-Man line? Yes, she came in, and she's basically like the three sisters in Macbeth. You know what I mean? Like, oh, Spider-Man, something's going on out there. I'm a precognition. And more than that.

Because she was supposed to be an old woman, right? Yeah, she was an old woman with the disease that is cured by the spiders. That's why her mom's in the thing Wait, wait, wait, so an old woman's mother who's even older Is looking for the cure The thing that they say in the movie that she was born with Whatever the congenital defect is That's what that character had in the comics

That's what made her wheelchair bound Which is an interesting character Yes Nothing. Versus literally nothing Guys, she gets hit in the face with a firework And is blinding. She loves American Idol, okay? I'm gonna get back home for Dude, she is so bad in this movie.

I don't understand. She's been good in other things. It's not like Susperia. I liked her in that. But like this is just, they don't want to be there. No, nobody does. Why should I be there watching it?

That's a great question. And, of course, I mean, this movie was cut up. What I find fascinating about this movie is the, all the almost about it. Because, I mean, like, Morbius is pretty straightforward. It's just a better movie. Better movie. I would watch it 10 times before.

I'll get it out of the way now this is the worst of all the off shoot movies it is but it's also fascinating for that reason I think it's more interesting than Craven for that reason you know even though Craven is so bad because it's so it literally is so bad and so ridiculous like literally my wife wasn't going to watch it

and I watched a sudden New Year's Eve she kept getting drawn in by the bad dialogue like oh my god did that really hit you don't even like that kind of it is just sort of like a car accident she didn't watch she's like no I'm not watching this but like every since I think I think Dakota Dakota Johnson has the line is like

I hope the spiders were worth it mom and Jen was like wait what's going on It's like AI wrote it It just feels inhuman It's just stiff everything about it is stiff And like I can't pinpoint If I've watched any television that this person has directed and she has directed a lot

of it so maybe I have but I mean I don't know what's going on here but clearly there was a disconnect between like the direction and the actors doing the dialogue And this, what, like six screenwriters? Six screenwriters, different versions of whether or not Peter Parker was going to be in this movie or not. Sure. And which Peter.

We split the difference. It's a fucking in utero Peter Parker. Well, apparently, what are the theories where one of the original scripts or something was the evil Spider-Man we get in this? Yes. Was trying to kill Spider-Man. That's a movie. Now, that's a movie. I think that they must have filmed it that way because literally every time he's talking about the girls.

Oh, these girls, I have to kill them. his dialogue does not match whatever his mouth is doing and it's not like he's dubbed is that a spider power is that in the comics uh yeah it's this dude and he's just clearly dubbed by a different

person I have all these visions of these girls coming to get me all these girls dude and like when you it is so ridiculous that all of this like the whole thing the villain is doing in this movie is a thing to prevent what would be a more

interesting movie from taking place Yes. That's a fascinating part about this. His whole thing is to kill them before they can at some point randomly in the future at some point maybe they all get their spider powers. Kill them before their origin story. Brilliant. Which is amazing because that needs to happen in the movie then. Like when she goes to Peru, everybody goes to Peru.

Everybody's got to go to Peru. And then everyone gets bitten by a different spider like, wow, that spider gave me spider powers. Me too, me too. And now we're the characters. Exactly. That fucking sexy spider guy in the. The jungle is like, right this way, ladies. Yes, come to the spider cave.

Yes, which spider power would you like right this way? Oh, the brown one that's going to give you a little... It'll get you a little body high. Just careful with that one. Oh, yes, if you're looking to go to sleep, have this spider bite you. You'll be out right after Letterman. I do want an indica spider. Thank you.

Oh, this one. If you're having trouble eating this spider, we'll give you the munchies this time. Oh, spiders always give me the munchies, no matter which kind I have. And if you're anxious, don't get the blue spider. But, you know, it's exciting, but for some people, you can be a little too much. Now, here's the thing. You get a spider bite. Just give it a two to three hours to see if it takes a fag.

And then get another spider bite. Don't wait five minutes and then say, oh, nothing works. And you do another spider bite, and then another spider bite. You'll be way too fucked up in the Peruvian Jungle, man. We do start the Peruvian Jungle. Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. 173.

Sweet, sweet, sweet, 1973. Constance Webb is this moment. She is super pregnant in the Amazon. Why would you do that? She's incredibly pregnant. You're pregnant and you're going on this voice. And right, they don't even tell you to, they say don't even take, do they say that? Don't go on an airplane.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Now the theory there is you go up there in an airplane, you're pregnant. Maybe you get superpowers. Or maybe it pops. Oh, yeah. And the pressure, your belly pops? Or might induce labor and then you're giving birth on a plane.

There's something on the wing. She's giving birth on the wing. Ew. Oh, God. Her water just broke on the wing. At least she took it outside. I don't want no fluid. Well, yeah, they say don't fly on an airplane.

Don't fly if you're ex, I think it's like second or third trimester. Certainly don't be hundreds of miles from any hospital in the sweaty, in the sweaty jungle. And that's a-bye yourself with gunman. You're absolutely right. And it would make maybe more sense if she believed in the indigenous spider people, which she doesn't believe in. No. Because the idea she is Her baby, which we find out much later

In the movie, has this genetic disorder No charisma Your baby will be born Without charisma Oh yes, it'll have It'll have all of the negative parts of Don Johnson And all the negative parts of Melody Griffin Jesus

That's the second coming of the Antichrist I mean it's the second coming of a You know A gorgeous actress Who's really not given much to do In this event She's up and down I don't want to say, but she is awful.

She is somebody, and I think Sidney's actually kind of the same thing, she's not going to elevate a bad movie. You know what I mean? It's not going to be like, oh, you know, the movie was bad, but she was good. Like, either the movie is good and she is good in it, or it's not good in it, or it's not good in it. Correct.

I subscribe to this theory wholeheartedly. I think, like, if you look at her, Dakota Johnson, there's a movie called The Bigger Splash. It's an earlier Luca Guadenaeo movie. It's a really good movie, I think, and she's really good in it. but I think, like, anyone could have played that character. But I think she does work well with good directors.

I didn't see that Daddy-O movie that came out this year, her and Sean Penn. Oh, no, I didn't see. I'm not watching Sean Penn movies these days. She would be a fantastic extra, I think. So. Constance is in the jungle here. Because she does believe, though,

because that's why she's there in the first place. Well, she believes in the spider, but she. Not the spider people. Oh, the people. Yeah, when his, somewhat. on. It's Ezekiel. And that's the name? Isseekiel Sims? This is dude is played by Tahar Rahim, who has been great in movies like A Prophet and the Past, where he's actually being allowed to use his

Of course I am, but now I'm being voiced by Jim Hedshed. Hi. What is Victor Muppet voice on him? It's so bizarre. Oh, wow, what's going on there, Madam Webb? Wow, you guys got a real funkettacular pad around here, man. Yes, me Ezekiel Sims. Yep. just, I, it's such a bizarre accent they give him. It's, I don't know, I imagine, it's, it can't be him doing this voice. I refuse to believe it. Yes. I, you know, and I guess it's the thing, maybe

you know, like, English isn't his first language. They were like, this isn't working, but like. They fall on Hercules in New York, this motherfucker. They really, it appears that they did. If we're wrong about that, please let us know in Cravenus, but this is how it looks in the movie that I've now seen twice in my life. And also, yes, his parts, I think, were the most

fucked with in the reshoots. So more often than not, his dialogue, does not match anything that's coming out of his mouth. It's just every step of this movie. It's like, okay, what is his motivation really? He doesn't want to die, I guess. And originally he's like, I came

from nothing, so I will have spider powers now, which will help me. He's been searching for this spider for years. He finds a way to find out that this woman is coming to look at spiders. Yeah, he was. Start earlier. It might be more interesting.

A couple of jungles down. You got the arachnophobia spider you don't want to meet those guys I won't go on that expedite which is the super spider not the scary spider super spider's only very important I would pray Julian Sands would elevate this anyone would elevate this

get anybody anybody for any of these man anybody to play this Constance character I've seen this lady in some things I looked on her IMDB not a lot well because she's just going to get murdered in two seconds it's literally and I think this movie's two hours long

but everything is so rushed right but let's quickly say it's okay to like a movie and if you like it that's great. I'm sure you have a good time watching it. I do, I do. I do not but I'm sure everyone that was very nice working on it. But Steve, from upper management

from a mocking point is that you're not sitting here like I like this choice with the character I like that action sequence. No, no, no. You're liking it from a place of this is dog shit and I'm laughing at it. It's a more fascinating disasters in a really long time. It's a genuine train wreck.

This, up and down. So she's looking for these spiders and she's got, on IMDB or on Wikipedia, he's been referred to as her bodyguard, but you don't know what he's doing there. He's just a guy. He's like, it's a line that's like, when you're hired me a security.

Jeez, I mean, yeah, it's like you need a guide to take you through the rainforest, I guess is the idea. I mean, there's a whole camp of people that we sort of see right here because she's like, hey, I found the spider everybody. And he just shoots them. He shoots everybody. I need to see these scientists getting blown away.

Yeah, I want like Squib City, slow motion. Let's see the spider people save you now. I always wonder, like, because he goes back, he's like, oh, this is a very interesting conversation we're having. Yes, there are loss, Haranhas, spider people. Anyway, I'm going to go back to the tent. And he does, I feel like to be a super scientist, you need like three to four years at art school.

There's always beautiful renditions of things in these notebooks. I'm always impressed with a scientist's notebook. Like, what he called there? Indiana Jones' Last Crusade. Dr. Henry Jones, beautiful illustrations of all the traps in the movie. Great penmanship, too. But a real scientist, chicken scratch dog shit. They have no concept of art.

It's just they're doing math problems. I don't buy it when a scientist's notebook looks like Guillermo del Toro getting ready to make a movie. Exactly. That's my reproduction book. You know, it's never that. It can't be. He's gorgeous spiders. Oh, that's a spider.

Oh, that's a big spider. Oh, wow. Yeah, the cruder the better. Like, somehow a spider's, stick figure drawing would be very funny. If you're good at science or math, you literally cannot engage in the arts. That's true. It's true. So, sorry.

But so, yeah, she finds a spider. He's, he tries not, he kills all the other scientists, but I guess he has a soft spot for her a little bit so he's like, just give me the spider, well, you know, I'll make it go away. You'd like to think that like, you know, a powerful spider or no, like this guy's not going to be hip to killing a pregnant woman. Yeah. And I mean, so that's why it's not

outright execution. It is a what are you making me do this for? And then, like, the gun goes off. That's how she dies. Again, though, give this villain some bite. Have him murder a pregnant woman intentionally. She doesn't die just yet because the spider people take her and conduct a water berth. And we have a shot of this fetus underwater.

Hell yeah. Adam Webb herself being pushed towards the camera. Such an interesting decision. I actually call it a spider berth. I think it's a more, it's a... Is that how spiders doing? Yeah, no, it's a more naturalistic birth. There's a water birth and spider birth with the spider people.

The spider people, we have to say... are they're painted red and webbed up like Spider-Man himself That's why Peter Parker decided to dress like that is he saw all the beautiful renditions that Constance Webb drew of them right before she died in this scene. Aunt May, can we go to the Constance Webb

sketch exhibit at the May? There's such beautiful illustrations of spiders. Remember when you found Adam Scott, I guess? Or maybe not? You mean your Uncle Ben who's dead? Yeah, who he's it? We'll get to Uncle. I love the Uncle Ben's stuff.

God damn. But so, yeah, she, and the guy is even like the head shaman is just like, when your baby was born, she will probably likely come back for answers in the third act of the movie. And I shall be here for those answers. It's a real, now if your daughter grows up and decides to give a shit, we'll be here to help her finish the movie. It's so good. It really, yeah, so the baby shoots out into like a wet web kind of a thing and is born safe.

The idea is when she gets her spider powers, when she's an adult, she'll come back looking for answers. And these powers, I would just be getting cat scans and stuff. This is not like a superpower. This is like I've got, I fell on my head. I might have dementia. I met him early onset dementia. Absolutely. Alzheimer's show.

She does go to a doctor at one point. The lady's like, I did the PET scan, I did the CAT scan, your noodles is like totally fine or whatever. And then you get treated to some line that probably sounds something like, so am I just going crazy? Or something. But we cut to 2003. Hell yeah. Oops, sorry. Initially, this movie was filmed in the 90s, but because Andrew Garfield backed out.

Written in the 90s. It was filmed four. filmed before the 90s. I'm sorry. You said in the 90s. Yeah, I missed it. So it was set in the 90s initially. It was set the 90s initially and then reshoots in like January changed it.

January of 2024. Wow. So that's why Meredith Brooks's bitch appears on the soundtrack. Yes. That's why they're dancing to toxic in that diner. Which apparently the single came out in 2004. But the record came out in November of 2003. Loophole.

Yeah. Don't worry. I checked. Webhole. But so initially it was going to be that they wanted to tie this. into Andrew Garfield Spider-Man, so they said in the 90s, and then they're like, oh, that didn't work out. We'll set in the 2000s

and then maybe tie it to Holland Spider-Man, and then Disney said no to nothing, and you can't even say Peter Parker in this movie. Guess what? You can't even say Peter Parker. Start over. New idea. Every time they are about to say Peter at that baby shower,

a horn honks or whatever happens. It's presenting like, we should know, and it should be. They need to play it up even more for this joke to even work. Totally, because you only do it like a few times. And like, stunningly, then the movie just sort of forgets about it. I think it makes so much more sense that, yes, if it was, if he goes, like, oh, no, Spider-Man,

you're going to get me one day. I got to kill his mother. Totally. That's a totally kind of cool movie. That's a, that's honestly a pretty cool movie. Because again, then you don't have to cram in, like, who are these three spider girls? Why do they have powers? Why are they a team?

Why are they murdering this man in his house? And I'll tell you what. Say what you want about the Spider-Verse. movies. I know we all feel about them differently, but at least when those characters are introduced, they're at least given a little bit of time to be introduced as their spider characters in some way. Some, you know, have larger roles in others in some of those movies. There's a care to those movies. No, exactly. This is just like, here, you fucking recognize that costume, don't you? Yep, that's it. That's all it is. And I didn't. I mean, I sort of did,

but I don't know who these people are. There's a spider woman who came out in the 70s who was really popular shit of cartoon is the most popular iteration of a spider woman. Petra Parkour. Jessica Drew, I want to say. Oh, sure, that sounds familiar. It's not any of these characters. Just do that one. These are all lesser versions

with Sydney Sweden playing the most popular one of the set is Julia Carpenter. Now, did Julia Carpenter Cornwall? They changed it to Cornwall, but for whatever reason What the fuck is wrong? What is wrong with these people? Did Julia Cornwall? Yes.

Did Julia Cornwall? Cornwall have a comic book. Yes, she did. Somebody get a fucking glossary for these people. What are you doing? And I mean, like, just make it. And honestly, like, I don't, I have nothing against any of the actresses who play these three Spider-Gals, but none of them are very good.

And just make one, make one, because they have nothing to do. Focus on, develop your characters a little bit. We spit out some dialogue, brief backstories on them, and then we just keep on moving to get to the non-action. By the way, Sidney, 30-year-old teenager in this movie. Well, that's the weirdest part about it. I guess 26. 26 or something, 27, and the weird thing they do, they make her a teenage baby person.

Like, she's just, like, so meek and like, I'm so scared. She hasn't come out of her skin yet. Ms. Cassie, what? Can I go to the bathroom? She's in a schoolgirl uniform through this whole movie. Which seems like a point for something, you know what I'm saying? But it doesn't lean that way. No, it doesn't.

No, you can't be leaning that one Then you know what? Take it off. I gotta tell you, when we get to the, when we get to the woods, I expected somebody to get stuck somewhere. It is, oh, the porno vibes are off the charts. Dude, stunning porno vibes in this movie, it's outrageous. I just realized another thing, speaking of your 90s screenplay thing, that they 100% didn't

fix, and it's right here. So we're in 2003. She is now an EMT. She's driving an ambulance. Fucking soon-to-be uncle Ben Parker is in the backplayed by the great Adam Scott. and it's something something she's driving crazy and he's like oh i don't want people shooting at me i had enough of that in the army and i'm like so wait a second it's 2003 we're just

starting to fuck up shit again in the middle east right now so this is clearly a holdover you're saying this dude was in the gulf war the first golf war yes so when you set this movie inevitably in like what 94 95 whatever was but 94 good music here you know what i mean then it's like, oh, of course. He was in the first Persian Gulf War, absolutely. But now it's like oh, I was getting shot at in the army, but it's two, who the fuck was shooting at you? What are you talking about? I mean,

you got to fake it again, like when I was a UN peacekeeper in Kosovo. Exactly. You have to do something. You can't just let lines like that fart out. I was in Afghanistan. I saw it. I said, no thanks. I was really quick, looked like a real boondoggle and I got out of there. And then

everything started up, you know. Oh, it's just, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're driving around the yeah, yeah, yeah, they're playing because it's 2003, hell yeah. Madam Webb, I mean, constant, not, Cassie, baby. Cassie has lines like, he's not going room temp on my watch. He's not going room temp. Can I say, I drive, I mean, I don't even get mad when I drive, but I'm more angry than she gets in the, what is this? She's just like, like lightly banging the stereo world, like, ah, shucks. Well, it's okay, so you're not in the Army anymore, Ben, you're in Queens here.

How much more exposition do we need? Oh, you haven't been shot in Queens? Yeah, okay. Oh, isn't that funny? But we save this. Well, we sort of meet all of the extra girls, like, right away. Like, they almost run over Maddie Franklin, that's played by the actor Celeste O'Connor. You've seen them in those two terrible Ghostbusters movies, among other things.

Not turned it heads of this one either, I'll be honest. But, yeah, so they're like skateboarding or whatever. this character is this Maddie Franklin is her name is this a character she's another spider woman right yeah that's the skateboarding one yes I guess the character's on a skateboard and like almost gets hit by the ambulance or whatever

and then like she the character flips them off and she's again just these lines who flips off an ambulance it's such a nothing life good God and we get to the hospital the woman we've been working on I guess is Julia

cornwalls city sweetie stepmother and it's kind of hilarious there's this great moment where the two great moments in a row one is this little kid the boy her little stepbrother right tries to give Cassie a picture like

oh thank you for saving my mom here's a picture and she's like what do what do why is it giving me this picture and she tries to pass the trash to Ben Parker because she's just like oh well Mr. Ben Parker did all the work and Adam Scott is totally

right here, it's just like, just take the picture, say thank you, and shut the fuck up. It tells me that you can throw it away. Yes, exactly. At another moment. Dude, even, like, listen, I don't want your shitty picture either, kid. But, like, I know if a little kid

gives you something, you take it very graciously, and yes, immediately throw it out once their back is turned, of course. Her character and her acting, it's like she's an alien. Yes. She has no idea of earthly customs and is trying to navigate this as best she can.

Dude, if that was like the twist at the end of it, I'd be like, oh, at least now the movie makes it. That's a cooler movie. And then Julia, uh, Siddi's character just goes up to her dad. She's like, can I go say hi to Jew, whatever? And he's like, well, I think she wants to see the real family. I'm your stepdaughter.

That is a brutal kick in the tea. Like real fam only, dude. That's amazing. I love it. That's the movie I want to watch. It's just her getting fucking negged by this entire step family. Well, I guess this lays the groundwork for why It would be a runaway. Right.

And then, you know, basically we're having Chinese food talking about stuff. And Adam, Ben Parker is like, you know, I started seeing somebody. It's kind of serious. I can't say Aunt May or else six lawyers are going to stab me in the throat. Dude, that's amazing. It's like, all right, fine. We will give you the license to use Uncle Ben Parker's name. No May Parker, no Peter Parker.

And so help me, if any of us bother to see this movie, and that shit's in there, we'll sue you so on. I thought they were gearing up to be like a little, maybe like a romantic rivalry. I was interested in Ben because she has no inner life. She's got no one in her life. She's got zero things going on. There's not a character.

Ben Parker is flirting the fuck out of this girl, though. They are flirting hard. But she doesn't know because she just came from the moon. You don't know. She's a space lady. Yeah, she's from outer spaces. Also, what he's doing also is he's like, hey, Hey, come to, hey, work, friend.

Yep. Come to my sister-in-laws, a baby shower. I don't want to go to that. I'm like, no, it's really just a barbecue. And she's like, no, it's a baby shower. Those suck. And like that's, which is a reasonable thing. Baby showers, I've been to a few.

They're incredibly boring. They're not, they're never just a barbecue. It's never, if it's a barbecue, it's a barbecue. That's great. But so there's other EMTs at the party, though, right? So is Richard Parker, is it? Yes. Is he also supposed to be in the EMT world?

No, he's an international man of mystery that's not this movie. Yeah, there's a line if he's in Shanghai or where I'd lose track. I'm sorry, but if you're losing track of your husband over the globe, lady, there's a couple more Peter Parker's where that came from. Yeah, well, I was also misremembering because I, because Emma Roberts is playing the sister, who is the mother of Peter Parker. but I was just misremembering that she was Aunt May in this movie. Yes, you would think that, but it's, it's even worse.

She's playing an even lesser character. Guys, we're jumping all the way to the barbecue, the riveting barbecue scene. I know we all want to talk about. But she gets revived from death before that, right? Oh, that's right. Yeah, the next day they're out again. And she's like, did I die? Oh, right, right, right, right.

Okay, so there's an ambulance emergency. Yes. They go to save some man on a bridge who's upside down in a car. They cut him out. He gets out. She's trapped in the car. The car goes over. Car goes over. She goes underwater. First of first of, I think

it's three times, at least three times, she gets knocked into water in this movie. And now do you think the water birth was so focused on? Does water help with her powers? I couldn't tell you. Spider went up the water spout possibly. I like

that. It's C-bitsy spot. But the rain came down and washed that fight her out, though, dude. That's true. You've got to finish the rest of the song. That's the box office returns. I do love at this weird fantasy world she goes into. It's all

this stuff that's visions of what's to come, like, ask a not what your country can do for you? What are you going to do for your country? The entire history of America is playing underneath there for some reason. And she's like, I got to kill the president. Which one? I don't know.

I'm seeing nine of them. Give speech. Go back in time and shoot JFK before Oswald. We should say before this all happens, though, she does run afoul of Isabella Mosecet playing Anya Corazon. They're like neighbors in the same building. She's getting hassled by the superintendent for the rent. I only bring this up one because that's the third girl that's introduced. But also this is the scene with she goes in the house.

Of course, she's a lonely woman. So she's feeding a cat a bowl of milk alone. That's what they do. And this is, she's flipping through the photos. This is the, I hope the spiders were worth it, Mom. Just wanted to get that in there. That's where that is. She has a box of personal items.

She puts the little, the picture in there. Yes, yeah. And she goes to the cat. She goes, I guess we're just a bunch of couple of strays. I should get you a very ostentatious red leather jacket that you never take off. This is just close all the windows and turn the gas on that of it. Absolutely, dude. But she basically right here has a whole vision.

of the movie. We have everything from the final sequence, including like the Pepsi Cola S. Long Island City sign. It's a family of auto communicates. It's just like all this weird bizarre dialogue from other places. Yes. Oh my God. And I assume some of them were good people.

Good people. Good people. Good people. Good people. She's seen through time. Wow. What a power. Oh, God. By the way, that Pepsi Cola sign. What fucking bullshit. Because it's That's a Long Island City, New York Queens Landmark Don't look like this

Where do we This is this is Where I know they filmed this all of Massachusetts For the tax base thing How dare you? I know that's a good Quite disgusting Pretty bad

Pretty bad But she gets pulled out of the water by Adam Scott and others She's recessed by Adam Scott Welcome back to the land of the living That's his line right there Did I die And this is where she starts experiencing, like, time repeating itself.

Like, Adam Scott's like, oh, here's your blood pressure, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She says, did I die? And then it, like, reverts. And he's like, here's your blood pressure. And she's like, now, wait a second. Something appears to be not right here. God. This is, she goes, he's like, well, I really think you should go to, like, a hospital serial,

doctor, blah, blah, blah. No, I'm fine. I just want to get home and watch Idol. Oh, my God. That's 2003, dude, that's what we were doing. Now, I, you know, it was a long time ago. I don't remember anyone abbreviating it. It's idle, yeah, we've got to watch Idol.

Oh, American. People were saying Idol. It's 2003, I'm saying American. That's actually true. Freedom Idol. Yeah. Freedom Idol. God damn.

But so the next scene is the big barbecue, yes. And again, like. Also, license some. footage of American Idol. Let's have some fun. Let's dig in. Do those you know what? You're going to do these fucking dumb needle drops or references go all the way. Live in it. Do like what Air does

even though it's overkill. Yeah, go right for it. Like they'll, like, later on there's like a big Beyonce poster or something. That's that's this movie quote unquote living in it, but not really. I think that might have been like one of her first solo albums or so I don't know, whatever. But important here we go from watching Idol to Ezekiel's

big night at the opera where dude this right here, I think, is just more leftover shit because you have famed actress Jill Hennessy right here playing beautiful woman like he meets Jill Hennessy who's Jill Hennessy's from fucking fucking Law & Order this is a real actor

here playing this nameless character he meets her at the opera they do a little flirtation shit he does some negging with her program right here I found this a bit offensive he's like oh you drop this and she goes to get it like take it from him and he like pulls like uh-uh-uh-uh and she's like Oh, you.

Not touching you can't get mad. Not touching you can't get mad. So, now this is where he's doing this all to steal her NSA security credentials. If you got that straight. And well, just the password, which luckily they don't change. No, not the NSA's never changed. Especially when that person never comes back to work again. They fuck.

He has his vision. He's like, oh, another vision of my untimely death. And she's like, I should be getting. towards the door here. You ever have that dream where three different girls kill you? They all have spider powers? I've been having it like every day for a really

long time now, you see. A really long time. I've let it go, but then he gives her the spider sting, which he has, I guess. You can just touch people and poison them. Yeah, so it's actually not good. No, it's not good. Okay. I'm going to confuse. If the spider

sting is good or bad. Not coming from this fella. So this one kills her, right? Yeah, he gets these, I'll give you the antidote. If you give me the password, she lists off the password, and he just lets it die anyway. Oh, yeah. But this is where the movie is actually trying to do 2003 and saying something. Yes.

As we're talking about, like, I wish we would talk about it. We should say Patriot Act. We should lean into this stuff. Surveillance state. Yeah, like, we're just, what's her name? The Mamet girl. Socio Mamet is just like, we can see everything on this thing. She is.

And that's me knowing they have the fucking NSA surveillance state, you know, on their side. I just want it a little more contextualized. Because it's interesting enough. For this movie, it's very interesting. In other movies, it's not. But for this movie, it's very interesting. Yeah, we're talking about that stuff. And, like, this character who's almost a character, if everything that she's talking to is,

she's talking to a fucking soundboard talking about another movie that she's not even in. But, like, this is an Arnold's Soundboard. Hi, how are you? She's like, I don't know how I feel about this. Who is your daddy and what does he do? Detective John Kimball. No, but there's really some sort of like ethical things we have to discuss. Put the cookie down.

I'm not eating a cookie. I'm at a computer. Put a cookie down. She is trying to do. It's not a tumor. As this character progresses, such as she is, who barely has a name, she said, I don't feel comfortable using this technology. Wow, I really don't feel comfortable.

You stalking three teenagers? girls and this character doesn't die doesn't like rebel against him I think she just disappears from the movie she just gets delete keyed out of the movie he needs to be like she's like I'm not doing well then you're gonna get spider stung or something he either kills her because she refuses or she secretly fucks him over and she's super and just decides to like

help the girls and like does computer magic whatever Andrew you texted earlier today that you were like I'm gonna see if she even gets up out of the chair in this movie yeah and that just reminded me, I don't think she does. She does not. Zosha Mamet sits in a chair for the entire runtime of Madam Webb. Wonderful. The character is Amaria or something? Yeah, Amaria,

Amaria, Maria, something like that. Yeah, just dreadful, you're in another movie thing here. And trust me, I don't want to see more screen time with her either. But can you tell me what this character is? Can we figure that out? The reason I hired you from blah, blah, blah. He worked in security down in South America. Maybe he was an operator. of some degree, maybe he has connections

with the computer. Ever since we left the company together, we've been doing these kinds of things. Just give me a fucking line. Just say that. You just, it takes so little time. It really takes, and it makes a world of difference. She is, by all intents and purposes, the number two villain of the film. She is the number two. And also, again,

it's the same thing with Jill Hennessy, right? I mean, at least Zosha Mamet's character has some sort of a name that, I don't know if it's uttered here or not. I don't know if I got it from just IMD listings or whatever. But, like, Zosha Mamet was on girls She is a known actor

Yes her dad is very famous She's got a sheet cake Dropped on her in this or something Like let's get some comeuppets Exactly no zero comeuppin So we go to finally Mike Ep's famed baby shower Bbcue

BSBBQ That he is hosting for Emma Roberts So oh man My buddy at the ambulance company's Sister-in-law is having a baby shower Of course you could use my house Oh yeah and I'll grill all the food for it, absolutely. My wife will rearrange

all the furniture in the fucking house. This is O'Neill, named after Denny O'Neill, who created Madam Webb. A great common writer in his own writer passed. Why the hell would they insult him? That's a great question. By honoring him in this. Do you think he knew like he said he died a few years ago,

he know they were making this movie? Probably. Because if he lived long enough to get the news that they were making the movie, I think the only response would be, but why? You're doing what? Are you saying Madden Webb's going to be in a Spider-Man movie? No, no, no, no. We're giving Madam Webb her own movie, but why? Denny O'Neill

says, but why? Right to your children there. We have a nice fitting tribute to your father of the year's worst movie. Come on out to the year's worst movie to see a tribute to your legendary dad. Guess what? Now the entire world thinks your dad had bad ideas.

It's just brutal. Can we talk about the Pepsi can? Yes, we have to talk about the Pepsi can. Oh, my God, this beautiful vintage Pepsi K. Hell yeah. Look at a glisten. Which she holds in her hand for two solid minutes straight. Without opening. She never opens it. She's toying with it.

She's always, and this is, you know, this is her acting choice. She's always looking like she's about to open it. She's fiddling with it. Sure, there's some good object work right there. But then she never does it. No. Let's see, it's the anticipation of the opening of the soda can you see. Is it the alien

again? Is it like, what is this syndrical device? It's the most exciting set piece of the film is her almost opening a Pepsi can. It kind of is. If there was a shot of her trying to drink it and the can wasn't open, she's like bashing it against her teeth, like, what are they doing that I am not?

Error, error. Smoke's coming out of her ears. That reminds me the great drunken airplane when he constantly pours the water on himself. He's got a drinking problem. It took me way too long to figure that out. Oh, God, that's a good joke. Oh, man. But again,

But she was right the whole time Because she's like You know all the dudes are having beers It's like oh hey girl Go in the other room And play fucking baby games Like that's why I'm not going to a fucking baby shower You know and listen

If you got dudes at the baby shower Listen it is your responsibility As a dude at the baby shower To fucking get on in there Yes I mean if we're deciding to have a Everybody's coming and it's just a party You can't be hiding outside

Mike Epps No And then like Or just make her like More of one of the guys Maybe she's razzing them About the Mets or something Exactly

That's what she wants to be doing. No, no, no, no. We all have to go in here. Why, did you see Piazza blow it last night? All right, let's all tell stories about our mothers, which clearly won't. Oh, wait. Oh, man. My mother died in childbirth.

There's just, you know. In the Amazon. This is her being an alien again because, like, there's a way to do this where it's like, oh, actually, I didn't really get to know my mother. She, you know, passed when I was young. You don't have to say childbirth death in front of the. a fucking pregnant lady, you idiot alien. I mean, it's a kind of a joke where she tries, she's like fumbling here

because she's like, oh, no, it's fine. Very rarely do people die in childbirth. My mother was in the Amazon for some reason. And she starts kind of like giggling here. It's like, oh, it's a funny thing. And it's like, none of this is working. It's all fucking DOA. It's all

D.O.A. It's like, it's a bad script, but like, I don't know. Maybe 2003 Reese Witherspoon could sell this thing. Yes, I agree. Oh, yeah. That's true, actually. I just don't think she's got... If she doesn't get at it, she's at least not committed. Yes.

And it comes off so distracting to me to watch this movie where everyone in it is also disassociating. She also nuked this movie for more a bit on the press tour. Not to say that... Which is insane. That's a morally bad thing or anything. Who gives a shit? It's a corporate movie.

But it is... It's a scotch unprofessional. It's very unprofessional. You would never catch me doing that for a motion picture. that you were associated with that I'm associated with yes no you just associate me with all your movies they won't be on the show but that's the thing is it and she nuked it and like that's I don't know I think that that her not caring started way earlier than the press tour oh you know what I mean like she never cared right she just was they must have like a fucking

box of comic books and madame what the fuck is this well didn't she say one of the things was like she was bummed because the script that she agreed to do isn't what was made which yeah that would piss you off for sure I think it was a much more of a, again, a Terminator kind of thing of like, Ezekiel's coming and kid the baby Peter Parker. I have to protect the baby Peter Parker as like, yep, avenging, whatever the fun. And here's the other thing.

You make that movie, Terminator is a great way to put it, right? You make that movie, you're expending a couple of these girls. Yes. Right? Like, it's like, oh, maybe this was the girl. Oh, she got fucking ganged and this is still happening. Yes. Sorry, Sidney.

I guess you weren't the one. You know, whatever it is. Sure, yeah. Leave Sidney. She's actually the most talented out of the, the gaggle of, you know, future spider people we have. But then she also gets nothing to do. No one has anything to do.

Well, here's the thing that she has to do. Cassie, again, being an alien at this birth or a baby shower, which she's trying to eat the meatball. Yes. And they're asking her about that. And it's supposed to be, yes, it's supposed to play as like, oh, I wasn't ready for this question. And this is awkward.

But you just watch Dakota Johnson take this little meatball, like out of her mouth. Just like, wow, how do you eat food? she has no idea she just got here from the space just crash landed in Queens like men and black the joke is oh what's what's the baby name going to be there's a lawyer there's a Disney lawyer

standing by with a fucking laser on Dakota Johnson's head don't you say Peter do not say Peter remember we talked about this you cannot say Peter you can't even say don't you can't even say no letters they got to lean into Parker more too like they just say

you like I don't know I need more set up for this joke that work yes exactly It's just like a noise happens or like a car horn or somebody drops something. There's a pop sound. That's what it is. This movie asks you to at all times be so familiar with the Peter Parker origin story. He's like, oh, that's

Uncle Ben. Oh, that's his father who's probably a fucking spy. Or you know what I mean? Like all this shit that you have to remember from comic books and that no one could possibly care about. Did Madam Webb just let Ben Parker die? She was around, right? She's ready to fucking do it at the end of this movie. Let me tell

you what. She could see the future. The end of this movie is amazing because there's a line where it's like, I think Sidney's Sweetie's like, oh yeah, he's been so excited to be an uncle, all the fun, but none of the responsibilities. And she goes, that's what he thinks. And her, like, that's what he thinks is kind of funny, but it's also like he's actually going to get murdered outside of a wrestling match. You know what I mean?

She's smirking, looking at him getting shot in a wrestling match. He's going to drive that stupid baby to a wrestling match and get murdered for it. Oh, my God. And he doesn't even know it. Teahee-he. But she's also, even if that, she's also like, oh, that, no, another responsibility, huh, Ben? Actually, your sister and brother-in-law, we're not going to get fucking murdered, too. I see that, too, snicker, snicker.

I also see their underground subway science lab or something or other from that other movie. I hope, I hope Peter Parker enjoys Gwen Stacy before your neck gets fucking broken. Oh, does everybody like my narrow sunglasses? I know, their character appropriate. on no reason on this day sell your your steak at oscorp okay drop your shares on this day oh man but oh the the fucking barbecue fun is ruined we got a call there's a big fire down at the docks and all the

EMTs got to leave the burgers on the grill and get going isn't this the same fireworks factory isn't it like sure is that's how she knows the fireworks factory is here for the end of the movie yeah it's fucking incredible it's just a dangerous unstable fire Wareworks Warehouse on the waterfront here in Long Island City. Yeah. That is dangerous from the start. Dangerous from the start.

We can't go ahead. And now it's still fine and there at the ending. Just left. Yeah. Good job city. Yeah, that's just fucking Giuliani's New York. Or no, he wasn't mayor in 2003. It was Bloomberg.

Blumberg. He just got in there. Yeah. I'm not going to clean up the fireworks factory. How much soda's in there? All right. I'm not interested. I don't like Madam Webb holding that much.

soda, make it a smaller can. A smaller can of soda. Jokes from 30 years ago. Dusted off. 20 years ago. Yeah, it dust them off. They're still good. It's still good. It's a 22-year-old joke. It's still work. It's fine. The dude hated big sodas. Yeah, so big thing here, she's like resuscitating a factory worker who's fallen here.

Oh, the fireworks. Okay. Please tell me, the fireworks are fine. Did you get the fireworks out? there's a stage of M80s that I wanted to save Yeah so she starts having this Oh well first it's a weird thing where it's like Adam Scott's like bringing a dude by on a gurney And he's like yeah all's fine and she's like

Why don't you touch his midsection for internal bleeding? Just like no to you know Who the hell were they selling these fireworks too anyway? I have no idea it's legal New York It's not legal in New York And you must be selling them in bulk or something commercially somewhere else. to Pennsylvania. Is that what we do?

Seriously? Yeah, I don't know. You need, there's got to be something here about it turns out it was an illegal fireworks factory. Sure. And the cops were going to bust it and a gunfire ensued and a fire started and this is where we are right now. You know,

like you can't just exactly, they're not legal in this state. Why is there a fucking factory for them? It's so funny that this is a location and then they're like, no, no, no, no. Save the explosion it's too good it's too good in that script save that for the ending so she keeps

having this vision of Mike Epps like she goes from like doing CPR in this dude to all of a sudden she's doing CPR and Mike Epps and her hands are covered in blood and she can't figure out what's going on and then like time reverses again so she sort of starts getting it here like oh I just saw the thing and now Mike Epps is like

come on I'm going to get behind the wheel of this ambulance and you got to do this and she's like no why didn't you let me drive oh wait hold on I had a vision. Get those fireworks away from Jason Pierre Paul's house. Oh, no way! Make sure he doesn't get those.

Didn't kill that football career. Did not? He's playing Jason Pierpaul, New York Giant. Absolutely. Blue his fucking fingers off in fireworks. Sure did. Sure absolutely did. Yeah, it's terrible. It's terrible. We have a little fun.

It was a tragedy. He got over it. He continued playing football. It's Fine. So Mike Abs is like, no, no, no, we need you here. I'm going to go drive this ambulance to this other second location or whatever. And this dude just gets comically teaboned by a garbage truck. L-O-L. What the fuck? What does the Department of Sanitation doing? Just whipping garbage trucks around. He's blaring the siren and this guy's fucking teapot. And you're rushing this giant truck towards the burning fireworks factor. Or away from the fireworks. He's driving away from it. Okay. Okay. That makes sense. A bunch of flammable garbage in this truck, but he is murdered, and Cassidy is upset because she couldn't have helped him. Well, killed, really. The driver wasn't trying to murder it. Presumable. Well, that garbage truck was. The driver just didn't know it. That would be a more interesting movie.

Maxim of an overdrive scenario. Yeah, exactly. You didn't see the big green goblin on the front of that garbage truck. Oh, God. Better movie. Better. A thousand percent. I mean, that movie alone's got Pat Hingle in it. Ain't no Pat Hingle in this movie. Even the knockoff of it, trucks is a better moved. Never got around to trucks. You're all right. So similar idea, they're all moving on their own. It's an actual, it's the same adaptation. It's another, oh, that's fun. It's an actual Stephen King property, I believe that it's just a new version of maximum overdraft. That's pretty amazing. But so she's devowed and, you know, Adam Scott's like there's nothing you can, you know, she's acting here. She's like, come on, breathe, O'Neill, breathe. Oh, totally. That's a wrap on

Mike Epps and Madam Webb I feel again it's Mike's scenes deleted apps. Yes. Because there's like two. Yes. You guys had a nice little check though. Oh sure. I like that. And what with all the Madam Webb royalties that's sure to come. Of course, yes. All the Halloween costumes. Totally.

Oh, look, I'm O'Neill from Madam Webb. Ah, you just got a EMT coat out on a fake beard. What are you? A Falma from Wic? You know, here's a little candy. Are you O'Neill from Madam Webb? I sure have. It was my favorite movie last year. O'Neill's the best character.

My funeral's in Poughkeepsie later this afternoon. Great Ezekiel creepline around here. We cut back to Zosia Mammett in that fucking chair. And she's like, oh, based on the sketches that you've given me from your dreams, you think these girls look like this. And now, because you don't know when they're going to kill you, we'll go either way on 10 years and we're going to, you know, this is what they look like now.

And she's like, they appear to just be teenage girls. And he's like, yes, teenage girls now, but soon they'll be grown. Or whatever, I'm like, dude is eagle. I know you're the villain of the movie man, but that's creep town. You're not a creep villain. It'd be great if she was just like, well, I can't do much. All you have, I asked for descriptions, you just had black, white, and Hispanic. That's not doing anything.

Like, there's a lot, it's New York. There's a lot of people. Oh, yeah. So, Spider Mask. All right, we're getting there. Up the spider on the end. Analyze it but more spider.

Yeah, she should be doing a backflip of some kind in a spidery way. She's using an electric spider web to zap my ball. Try that. Why do they, again, they don't explain why this team of spider gals who will not be spider gals in this movie go to Ezekiel's house to murder him.

And when you see the murder, it is pretty awesome because it first appears like they're in like a superhero fight and then the fight's over with and then Sidney Sweeney just kicks this dude out a window and kills him which I also just a little hand up here Ezekiel from the comics wasn't really a villain he was just kind of like another guy that had spider powers and the cool thing that they that they got about him

is he was just a dude in his suit without shoes and like that was you see that here in the fight it's cooler than the student stupid spider suit they put on him. Oh, yeah. Because it just looks like the, the bad Spider-Man from the third Ramey movie. Exactly. And, and, or like the Baden costume from

fucking Batman and Robin. It does kind of, yeah, yeah, because it's... Yeah, with like the... The eyes are a little bigger. The big eyes, yeah, totally. No, but in the comics, he was just a dude in his suit without shoes, and he was just doing Spider-Man. So his whole thing was no shoes. No shoes, dude. It's really weird. So you can stick to walls and stuff. Oh, right, but doesn't Spider-Man then

not have shoes, but it's like a onesie, like a pajamas. He's got like boots on. Bootsies, yeah. But that works for him. That works for him, yeah. I don't know why. I mean, that's kind of a cool thing that. Like, he's running through the streets, barefoot and whatnot. And it's doing it for some people. Exactly. That's great too. Look at it. If you look up, he's a little Spider-Ban, it's a cool looking dude without shoes. He's like, badass. But you know, folks, do not run around New York City without shoes on. If you run around New York City without shoes on, you just have to cut your legs off, I think. Dude, I saw, speaking of which, so we're recording this on that

January the 2nd. We'll be back to work here. Happy New Year. Happy New Year indeed. I was on the subway during Nether Space's week, you know, and I saw it. Shuless? Not shoeless, but a tourist family that let the little boy just sit on the floor of a subway. I was like, you got to burn all those clothes that he's wearing, right? This is awful. He belongs to the subway now. He can't come back with me. No, yeah. No, no, no. He'll never return. He'll never return. And his fate is still unknown. He's a bullper. You turn. You turn. You turn. You turn. to do a mole person immediately. Congratulations.

You let his little ass fucking sit on the floor and now your son's a mole person. Welcome. Merry Christmas. Here's a chud. That sounds like a more interesting movie. But he's like, yeah, that's the dream I had. And you just use that for facial recognition technology.

What? It's actually working great. So she goes that she's at the doctor. The doctor's like I can't do anything. You got nothing wrong with you. Like just go home. She advises go watch some old movies to which here's a question I have so let's question time

she's putting on a Christmas carol the 1950s Christmas Carol is it Christmas time in this movie? It does not appear to be it looks to be the summer honestly then what are we doing? I mean she's just depressed I mean this is Uber depressed

well she's wearing like a like a leather jacket here and there yeah when we go I mean it it does not look like winter at all we go to the woods there's leaves on every tree Exactly. It's not even fucking fall. You can't be watching a Christmas Carol. Again, unless you're

fucking, you're gassing up that oven ready to go. But if, no, but of course it's Is there a narrative reason? Is it like the ghosts? Because it's the end of it where Scrooge is saying to the ghost of Christmas yet to come, is the future written or can it be changed? Like, that's, that's there. And here's the thing.

Have her watch fucking Bill and Ted's. Yes. Have her watch the end of Back to the Future three where Jennifer asked the same question to the doc. And he's like, it's not written your histories, whatever you make it. That's the point of Madam fucking Webb. Good night, everybody. Oh, but does Sony have a movie that they say that?

Yeah, that's good question. When was Looper? No, Looper was like 2007. Yeah, though, Looper had not happened just yet. Yeah. What was that dumb? You can't change the future, Looper. Get out of there.

Hey, Looper, you can't do that. Go to China, Looper. Stupid Looper. But, yeah, that's, I mean, that's the. the only reason. Oh, here you go. I got it. Oh, forget it, Time Cop. Me as Sarah's always going to die. Let her go, Time Cop. Also, totally fine. Yeah, exactly. Like, just not that when it's clearly fucking spring or something. Hey, Madam Webb, lay off the candy bars. You know, Madam Webb, two pieces of matter can't occupy the same space at the same time. Just a

quick FYI. You're getting a little fucking fat, Madam Webb. Kind of want to watch time. Yes, what a better movie. And that shows you like, fuck, Ron Silver was a great villain. Yes. This guy is a wet blanket and she's a wet blanket. I need someone.

He's a dubbed wet blanket, by the way. I know, so it's probably not even his entire fault. But I need someone swinging a bat. Someone trying something out. Totally. It could be crazy. It could be stupid. I mean, right, like Nick Cage's career.

That's why people love him is he fucking elevates a bed. He goes for it. I just like, I just like, Nosferrato didn't love it. It's my least favorite Robert Eggers movie. People are lashing out in Aaron Taylor-Johnson. I kind of like that he's taking a big swing. Dude, he's excellent in that movie.

I think it's a pretty good movie. He's excellent in that movie. He's taking a big swing. He's really great. The movie needs, that's the thing is movies need that. Movies needs a spice that's going to be like, oh, wow, this is a really big choice by an actor. And Eggers is smart enough to be like, hey, multiple people in that movie. Why don't we all start taking swings?

Yes, exactly. swinging Lily Rose depth definitely fucking swinging in that like people are taking swings and like maybe sure it doesn't consistently work the whole time but like somebody's trying something man it matters you know what I mean it really does and like nobody here everyone's monotone nobody gives the shit she's uh it's kind of this great thing where Adam Scott while she's watching the movie Adam Scott's like uh hey babe just let you know O'Neill's funeral is happening right now if you left catch that train to Poughkeepsie. If you have enough time to get there, if you leave right now from your apartment to Grand Central, remember that's at least 20, 30 minutes. And then the train to Pekipsi is like two hours. I mean, yeah, we're talking. The funeral is this afternoon or this evening. Or maybe you can go to the house afterwards for the little reception. Yeah, you're making the reception problem. And he's like, yeah, you know, I know you feel shitty about it or whatever, but I know the widow O'Neill would love to see you there, this, that, and the other thing. So she,

decides, okay. Well, first is the bird bit. Oh, right, yes. A pigeon just slams in her window dies. It's like just what I needed. Wait a minute. That was one of my visions. You don't think. Time cop was right.

She opens the window and now it flies in and flies out and it lives. Also, just notice, this in my notes. Again, this is more alien shit. So as we have said, she's talking to or she's watching the part of this Christmas Carol adaptation

where it's the ghost of Christmas yet to come Yeah That's the end of it She's just making this popcorn Yes For I guess an anticipated second film Yeah This is a movie too

Whatever this is Or you is that a walking bag To the subway Oh yeah Some funeral fuel here And you're also right No one said that was her first bag of popcorn Of the day

That could have a bag number four True true true But it is funny Because when she's The pigeon hits the window So she's looking in the microwave to get this popcorn out. And I was like, fucking movies over with. What are you doing in there?

And so she does decide to go to Poughkeepsie. Wouldn't you know all of our spider gals are going to Poughkeepsie? For various reasons. We see What's Her Face? Maddie is with her friends. Like she's like a skateboard punk braddy, rich kid person. So like she's evading the cops and jumps on this train. Yes.

Julia is just being sad. Not really knowing what the deal is. I have no idea what Anya is supposed to be doing. I literally don't care. I don't know. I don't know. I don't. I forgot. All I know is her father is deported. That's it. That's all I know. I kept forgetting she was even there. She's barely in this movie.

She too doesn't want to get deported. So I guess like the cops were hammering the door in Queens. She was like, let's get on the Metro North. I mean, maybe they're not going to Pickeepsie. Maybe they're getting off somewhere along the way. I mean, that's a long fucking train. I do two things about this. I love. One, the guy, very, very, very, very, very. real Metro North vibes. One guy's like, this is straight about Vorden?

She's like, no, it's over there. And he gets out. And then like, she has that fantasy. And like, she goes, oh, that was crazy. And then this guy is just like, New York City gets crazier every day. And I'm like, you are exactly a real person. Yeah, the guy, yeah, things are getting crazy in New York right now or whatever. That, the way the dude says it too, I think the direction was like,

hey man, so you ever hear like an NPC and a video game talk? And like, it's the same line gets. repeated when the character, you know, if you're playing and you don't know what to do and they just keep saying the same thing. That's what I want you. Things are getting crazy in New York right now. Things are getting crazy in New York right now. It's so fucking awful.

Well, you know what's crazy is the seats on this. Oh, I don't even know what the hell this is. This is not a New York train, all right? No, no, no, no. This all begins the many deaths of Cindy Sweetie. You watch her die on school like five times in this movie. And, dude, there would be, you know, some heft to that if you were actually like seeing it.

Like, she kinds of gets at the worst right here. Maddie is also killed, I think, in the divisions or whatever. But, like, this is where, I mean, you could really up the stakes here and, like, not even venture into an R rating. You can still preserve PG-13. Yes. There's just got to be some violence here.

Like, I got to see the ultimate penalty for letting this dude on the train. Yes, exactly. You know what I mean? And there's none of it. But you can't show that because she's a 30-year-old teenage girl. You can't show violence against that. It's a baby. She's just a small little child.

Yes. As they're all getting on, Zosha Mamet sees them through security cameras and lets Mr. Ezekiel know, like, hey, they're all boarding this, you know, train.

I will say all the stuff knocking, like filming in Boston and stuff, totally legit, but there is some IRL midtown filming. Yes. Including Grand Central, which is like, that is the ultimate.

You just expect them to use whatever nothing train station they found. That's like big enough to kind of look like Grand Central. This actually captures. Fairpoint. And they had, they took the, they took the time and CGI technology to remove the Apple store from it. Thank you. Remove the Apple store, put the Michael Jordan Steakhouse back in. I actually think that might still be there.

I think it's, yeah, that Apple stores go on. I think it's called something different now. Oh, did they change the name? Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. But yeah, so here he comes. We're just watching the scene repeat till she fucking figures out that there's a movie on here. Yeah, so she gets all three of the girls. And this is the beginning of none of these girls want to go

And we're all just yelling for a while Dude, this is, it just turns into a scream factory It does, the fun horror movie kind And like, what's her face, Maddie is the most aggressive She's like kind of nasty the whole time And like that's kind of annoying It really is It is. Nobody likes a movie where any of the characters

Just like, I don't want to be here, this sucks. And it's like great, okay But that's what's wild about this movie Is you've got four characters doing it And at this point in the movie, they're doing it simultaneously. Four people at the same time don't want to be in the movie, and they're in the same scene. And then Julia, Sidney, Sweetie Scarves, very babyish. Oh, I'm just weird.

That's so weird. And then the Ania is just like, I'm in the movie, too. Like, she, they don't know what to do with that third girl. And I would say, don't have her. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's, like, what would be missing? Yes.

You know what I mean? Literally nothing. Or if it's fucking, you know, she's just target practice for Ezekiel. later, that's fine. She gets murdered. So we evade the police here, and this is where Madam Webb steals a taxi cab. Yeah. And I counted it. 33 minutes.

She's just driving around this stolen taxi. Is it not getting reported? She's leaving the city. She's going to Jersey with this taxi. She's coming back with this. So you do is my bridge talls here. Plenty of places to be spotted by

Zosa Mamet, who's like, they just disappeared from the train station, and I haven't able to find them. What are you talking about? There's this great moment where she's like, oh, I've been looking into the woman that stole the kids. Stop looking to her. I care about the girls. And it's like, no idiot. That's the whole fucking point. Yep. Yep. Yep.

And presumably she just dumps this taxi at the airport when she gets this flight or something. Yep. Great place to leave a fucking car, by the way, two years after 9-11. I did think, I had a theory about this movie. You know when you're working on like... He's got a theory. You know, you're working on a project.

It's the original title of the movie. I have the original title. You know you're working on a project like maybe it's for work or for something private and it's like, oh, I got those. You got a bunch of stuff on your desktop. I feel like this movie was called Madam Webb underscore do not use.

This was the one. This is the cut. Like then they're like, oh wait, no, that's the bad one. But they accidentally released it. Some long fired screenwriter like goes to watch the movie. And he's like, they did it. They couldn't have. They did.

Oh, no. This is the one where all the lines are dumped poorly. Fuck. no the other one madame web underscore a is the one to use that's what i said oh no now this will definitely sink the spider spider man villain franchise no my madame web underscore final definitely use no they just got to stop with these movies huh i think i think they have yeah now they're done now we just farted out craven which was the last event uh but yeah so everyone thinks that Cassie

has kidnapped these girls because they I think Cindy Sweeney yells on the train tracks like oh this woman's trying to kidnap us or whatever there is a thing like Ezekiel does attack them in that moment but it also it comes to nothing like she's on the radio as being the person to

have taken these girls maybe someone at the diner later recognizes her someone at the diner does recognizes them and that's why he calls the cops and that's how is he goes to go okay yeah I was watching it's fine you're totally fine

but so yeah they're in this cabin it's just the screaming in this car yes it continues that we don't want to be in the movie everyone is literally yelling why don't you just drop me off here so I can get out of the movie yeah we sort of learn some things here because like Maddie's like oh my parents are in China

doing business they don't give a fuck about me then Sidney Sweeney lies and she's like oh my mom is in L.A I got to live with my dad during the divorce or whatever and then Anya just doesn't say anything thing again, I think. It's just like the little we can tell

about this girl. It's so bad. I think when I was getting out with the diner thing, maybe a clunky 4x3 TV, her faces on it. She's a haunted person. She would be able to fucking drive a stolen taxi for 33 minutes. In this cab too, Maddie, I think we're

making a line. This is a reference. I'm pretty sure, right? Where they're trying to figure out like oh, who could help us get out of this jam or whatever. She definitely says my uncle Jonah. Oh, yeah. Jay Jonah Jameson. I did not even notice that. Yeah, that's a dude.

That's also do not used. Just shut the fuck up. Exactly. You can't say the J and you can't say Jameson, but she's got an uncle Jonah. Don't you worry about it. I love. So, madam, we don't know why.

No one, we don't watch them even park the cars. Like, I got an idea. Let's park in the middle of the woods. Like, what the fuck? And what are these woods? What New Jersey Turnpike exit is the woods? Is this a pine bear? I'm sure.

I know where it was supposed to be. There are woods everywhere, but like, what are we doing? And they're just in the woods now, and they're like, she's like, wait a second. They keep calling him a ceiling guy because he's like, he climbed on the ceiling. Right. He's like, he walked like a spider. Spiders, my mom, spiders? Hold on.

I got to go back to my apartment. I'm going to leave you on this fucking in the middle of nowhere with nothing for three hours in the woods. And, you know, it's like, I guess yes, because we're fugitives or something, but maybe had you known that Go to the motel at this point. Right, yeah, sure absolutely. Or if they know that you're being tracked by cameras Yeah. Maybe that's why you go to the woods.

Yes, right. They don't know that. No, they don't. Oh, you're totally right. They don't know that. At least I don't think they know that unless there's no way. The technology doesn't even exist. Like just literally go. It's like stolen NSA tech. Like it doesn't happen. Literally just go to a motel and be like, are you guys stay here, order a pizza, but don't let anybody

inside. But you just, I mean like for for like, it's called spatial relations. like when a movie is edited so you know where you are at all times, right? This moment has no spatial relation. And the closest thing I can think of is in the first Dr. Strange where he's a surgeon in Manhattan and the whole thing is like, oh, Dr. Strange,

you have to go to this big fundraiser. Oh, do I? Oh, yes, I have to go to the fundraiser. And he's driving a car. You see him go over the bridge and then he's out of the Palisades. Like, he's clearly going somewhere. And you can understand, like, okay, he's left the city, but this is, they're in Midtown Manhattan and she's like,

I don't know, the woods. cut and we're in the fucking woods. And again, this is getting really, she's like, I always wanted to be a Girl Scout or something and just like, okay. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Because she says to Sydney, sweetie, like, why don't you do Girl Scout stuff? And it's like, oh, yeah, maybe I'll take off my schoolgirl outfit and being a Girl Scout uniform. Is this doing it for you fucking perverts out there? Miss Webb, I got stuck inside of a laundry machine. I'll be right there.

Oh, no, she's a step something. she does say stepmom quite a bit she does indeed say my stepmom my stepmom my step mom had the car accident exactly nice it's a legal one legal car accident nice and legal see this car accident was totally okay it's a step car accident yeah her kid was in the car but it was step oh nice but so they all like sort of realize like yes we're all sort of loosely connected in one way or another because they're all connected to cassie because she's like oh I she's She's like, oh, I remember you were the EMT from the hospital. It was fucking shitty to my stepbrother for whatever reason.

And then Anya's like, oh, you live in my building. And then you flipped off to the ambulance. You flipped me off. Yeah, well, so it's like they all realize they sort of know. But hold on. I heard spider. And that's going to make me drive three hours out of the way to confirm. Yes, my mother did talk about spider people.

You girls all sit in the woods here. I'm going to take this stolen cab three hours back to the city to rummage through his shoebox. I'll be right back. I'm sure the NYPD isn't looking for it, okay? And girls, just if you think that this is the longest I'm going to inconvenience to you and have you sit on your hands in this movie, look the fuck out because something big's coming up. But this is a small one.

Consider this a small one. She just leaves them. She goes, seriously, don't do dumb things. Bye. And they're like, I'm hungry. I want to do. She's like, I think Maddie again, the bad girl is like, there's a diner down the road. we should go to it.

And, like, but Matt, Cassie said we shouldn't. And it's like, I don't know. She's not your parent. Yes. She's not your boss.

And you're 27 years old acting like you're four. So could you stop, please? For whatever fucking orphan scam you're trying to run on somebody. We're in a different situation right now. But wouldn't you believe it at that diner?

There are boys. Oh, sexy boys. Which, honestly, we don't get enough of the boys. No, exactly. I want to see,

show me them hanging out as teenagers. What is this social? gathering. Now they're flirting and I know anything about any of these girls. Yes. And if you do that, if you see them interact with these boys in some way, when it cuts back and these girls are dancing

on the table that Britney Spears toxic, it won't feel like a zero to 200 escalation of them at this because it cuts back and they're dancing and you're like Cassie in this moment. You're like, what the fuck are they doing? They're acting like Sims at this point. Basically

like when Sims try to flirt, that's what these girls are doing. It's trying to be an empty needle drop. It's like, here's that song. Remember, that's what year it is. Yep. But that's all you're doing with it, which you can't just do that with it. No, no, no, no.

Hia ha, ha. Toxic. The boys are just clapping. There's just a dog there. He's got a little green emerald over his head. Adam Webb is reading her book while her baby's dying in the next room. Someone's out in the parking lot getting bricked into a fucking wall they can't get out of. But she just goes back and says, sure enough, spider people, my mom knew about them.

Interesting. Now I will drive back. Now I can drive back three hours. Right. And then, yes, the guy calls. Right. Guy pulls a Luigi Mangione on them. I was going to say, dude, like a helpful Pennsylvania fast food customer.

They fucking turn this guy in. For the next four years, what do we all button our lips? That's the only way to get through it. You know what? One might say mind your own damn business. Exactly. I'm not being critical of anything. Exactly. Either way. I think they're good people on both sides of that thing. 2025, let's touch the stove again.

Can you just open it and let the gas out? Ouch, that hurt. Let's do it again. Perfect. Keep doing it. Uh, yeah, so, oh, uh, our, uh, our Mr. Uh, Ezekiel Sims here. He's wiring, he's patching into the police station. And he's like, oh, uh, yeah, don't worry about it. I'm, uh, I'm definitely the real policeman who's investigating the diner thing. And it was just a false alarm.

No police needed. Uh, attention we got a 419. We got three girls dancing on tables at a local d'at. Swarm, swarm, swarm. Yeah, the whole thing of him calling in. telling the police not to it's just like well he's got that expired password I guess he runs the government

now I mean wouldn't it be something if like he's racing there before the cops get there and that's like a point of urgency like oh I must get to the girls before the police or do you give Zosium Emmett anything to do and she's like no

this is uh this is Chloe with the with the local PD take it off her do it yeah exactly that's at least something you think like The ticking clock in this is Ezekiel's death in 10 years. Yeah, exactly. Possibly 10 years. I don't know.

Who fuck knows. Also, like, what? Do you look like in the city? Maybe move out of the city, Ezek. You're like, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, look, I get it, dude. Nice apartment.

You don't want to give it up. But if you are having visions of your own death taking place at that apartment, maybe move. Exactly. Maybe look in the mirror and make some changes. But this is what the movie gets annoying with the, it's already annoying with the fake This is what it gets really annoying where I have to watch everything happen in triplicate essentially. Yes, yep. And it does the

bullshit like you're watching it go down and he murdered city. He murdered Siddy yet again in this scene. And you know like, okay well this ain't real. So like I just, then you're sitting there. Yes. Waiting for that to be over with and waiting for Cassie to be like, oh that was crazy. Better go stop that.

Exactly. There's no again, there's no like tension. You're just watching them get killed and it's like, all right. Well, there's no stakes to this because none of this is real. It's clearly a flash forward or whatever. And sure enough, here we go. They're dancing to Toxic again.

In Ezekiel comes ready to fucking lay waste to these girls. And Madam Webb drives the cab through this diner. And magically, this pretty full hoppin diner that we see here. 40 dead. But it's magically empty. And the only people in this diner anymore are the fellas in the back corner and the girls dancing. The fucking narc that called the cops on him is gone. Any member of

the wait staff is, this is completely empty so this stupid cab can drive through this diner. Dumb city. He grabs, Zegel grabs her, gives her a little bit of spider poison, to which she's just like, wow, that was bad. That was longer. I would have been dead. Wow, glad

it wasn't longer. Like this movie, there's more of the movie. How's it two hours? She grabs all the girls and like, she's momming out on them like you're both irresponsible and entitled dude it's she slams the cabby partition clothes and they all droop their heads like a peanuts cartoon and i'm like no you don't give a shit that this girl is scolding you right now stop it you've you've built up nothing for

that to make sense especially and i think at this point when we get back to you finally get to a motel and this is when like i'm gonna teach you CPR here we go no No, now you go in and do it. Is there anything less exciting than this? Julia, would you like to do CPR? Now you're doing the CPR. This will come in handy when later. And again, like, you've shown me these characters in superhero costumes with Wackadoo powers.

Let's get to that. The big thing they do at the end of the movie is CPR, which is insane. Yes. And thank God I saw them learn it. Exactly. Because otherwise. Paid stakingly. who otherwise they'd be a Mary Sue

where they learn that CPR without the training but to Steve's point about saying maybe they all got life card certification you don't even fine whatever but to your point about painstaking like it's literally she's like and the next step is yes all right you did that great and the next step after that okay

great and the next step I'm like guys I can go down to the fucking YMCA and get the certification I don't need to be certified through watching Madam Webb thank you very much that's how you get that E rating dude, educational. Oh, right, I forgot.

She's like, oh, you know what? That was a great CPR lesson, guys. Oh, sorry about your dad being deported on you. That's the only thing we know about you. I just realized I have to go to Peru right now. I'm going to leave you with Ben Parker, who's still in the movie. And Adam Scott's like, what? Am I?

Which version of, but no, this is the do not use file? Yeah, no, I'm in the do not use file. Yeah, all right, all right. For a second, I thought I was going to get out of this, but I guess I'm not. Oh, wait, no, is this, this is the draft that Peter Parker's going to be a premature birth and I have to help drive them to the hospital. And then I'm going to be apprehensive about that, even though I'm literally an ambulance guy. Well, right.

Yeah, that's literally your job. I prefer Madam WebB where I get shot in the head. In the first 10 minutes. We should say also, though, the sleep over in the motel here, this is another, I don't know which way this is happening because they're all, the three spider girls are all in one bed and Cassie gets her own bed, which I'm like, let's just divvy this up to a piece. Two, two is good. Why are you having them sleep like Alvin and the

chipmunks for Christ's? But again, because you have to pretend as if Cassie is so much older than these girls. You know what I mean? When it's like, nah. It's like she's three years older. So she wakes up in the middle of the night, gets in this wrecked-ass cab, and drives back to this diner. Yes. And she's

standing in the diner, and then she starts having a Madam Webb vision, and here's Ezekiel. And they just have this full-on fucking Rise of Skywalker conversation. over the mental plane or whatever and he basically explains the whole plan like they're gonna kill me blah blah blah I've been working through this my whole life whatever

and then she wakes up back in the hotel and I'm like was the whole thing a dream did she actually leave the motel what are we doing by the way Dakota Johnson eight years older than Sydney Sweeney exactly Dakota Johnson could have been in that Sydney Sweeney rom-com and it wouldn't have skipped

to be. With the Glenn Powell. Yeah. She could have acted. Oh, yeah. There's no different. There's literally no difference to do them in age. No. No. It would have been totally interchangeable. Aside from, again, Cini-Sweeney, wearing glasses, being extra meek and wearing a schoolgirl

uniform being like, can I go to the bathroom? But then because of that, they're acting like Cassie is like Jill Hennessy's aide. Yes, exactly. Oh, I'm sorry. Beautiful Woman's age. God damn this fucking movie, man. You do that to Jill Hennessy. Unreal.

She's like, I have to go to Peru. It's going to cost me $40,000 if I leave right now. How about, you booked a ticket to Peru for today? I don't know. It's a lot of money, man. It's a lot of money. The last second trip to Peru is a lot of money. Well, maybe there was just a plane on the tarmac with the door open and she ran up and took it.

Oh, yeah. We can't just cut there, right? It's also only 2003, so it's really easy. It's very easy and. Oh, yes. And Robert to travel. Super lax at the airport. Absolutely.

And yeah, everybody's loving to do it. super cheap yeah you know and it's one of those things when it's like i get it she's going to peru so like sure you can't just bring minors with you so like that's you could explain that a way that's why they're not there but also it's a movie so write it away that that's figured out and it doesn't matter because they have to be there they all go to peru and the ending is in peru yes they get their powers in fucking peru and he follows them down there and you have a big fucking spider fight they need to get powers in this movie or else it's so fucking stupid. I bet you, dude, I haven't seen

it yet because, God damn it, the UK got it released before American audiences did, but I bet you, when I see it in a few weeks, when Paddington goes to Peru, he gets fucking more powers than these people do. God damn it. There's just some things that you just, you watch a movie and you're like, but how did you fuck it off?

Did no one talk to each other? How did you fuck it off? It's the do not use file. That's the problem. See, here's the problem. It's all Madam Webb and then the draft thing. You got to put do not use at the front sea so it's more that's the reason yeah dude you wanted madame web 315 23 finals what you wanted

exactly but instead you use this I do love uh it's fucking fantastic she's like here I am in Peru I hope I can find this ancient tribe no one's ever found oh hi ancient tribe oh there it is I've been waiting for you for just someone to show up in the wood in the jungle you know yeah well the other thing about this whole jaunt to Peru. It's also like the flight, it's like the airport

is next to the jungle or in the jungle. Oh yeah, that's another fucking day's track, probably. Yeah, one ticket for spider jungle. Oh, there will be a connection at the real Peruvian airport. Then the spider jungle airport, it's another hour or so in a little puddle jumper.

Oh, the other thing, no, the thing about this too is like, if you want to do this where it's like, she's got to go and do this and it's not with the girls or whatever, then you have to have this happen somewhere in like the second act of the movie. Like right at the start of the second act maybe she's like well then I have to go to

Peru Adam Scott and I'll see you on the other side of it and then maybe you meet the girls or maybe you meet one of the girls there or something like that but the fact if you fucking time it dude when she gets to Peru there's only like 40 minutes left in this movie and it's a big thing for a character to do there's so much that's not it just needs to be a different movie

why does she even an ambulance driver why not just have her looking to see what her mom was looking for I'm chasing my mom's research there you go I'm a scientist too that's great or even like oh maybe she goes to the astral Peru you know what I mean like she's like totally tripped balls and it's just

like and then the shaman is like welcome to your astral plane blah blah blah and maybe it's the thing where like Zosa Mamet is the one that helps her with that is she's like oh hey like they make contact somehow and she's like oh hey Ezekiel uses this stuff all the time to do his mind bender stuff maybe it'll help you out

right I mean part of this was like they were like oh this is going to be Sony's doctor strange that sets up your magic rules take a moment to explain this astral projection and have a nice astral scene with this jauman and go through it like Tilda Swinton and all these other fucking people do in that movie.

Yep, no, and so he's just like, oh, I really hope I can find this ancient tribe. There it is, they go to the cave and he's like, hey, and he does do the thing where he pushes her out of her body. Your thread did not start when you were born. Now may I entertain you with this Dr. Strange Soul Puts.

And then she gets to like have a hug with ghost mommy In the water by the way So I'm counting this as the second time she falls in the fucking water Totally fair And she's like She watches her mom died She's like, why did you hate me? L.O.L.

So funny. So funny. She's yelling at a ghost. Why did you hate me? But then she goes, the mom goes to the doctor. The doctor's like, do not go to the Amazonian rainforest, please. And she's like, but I have to because my daughter's congenital condition will destroy her life.

So I need this, only a spider bite can save her. Apparently, yeah. The doctor's basically just like, you're just going to have to, like, deal with it. Like, it's one of those, like, the doctor doesn't want to hear about alternative medicine. Exactly. It's like, just go home and shut up, the American health care system. But yes. Oh, my God, you tried to save me.

You did save me from that genital defect. She's yelling at this ghost, though. She's like, but you did it. You did it. I didn't even know I was sick. You did it. Hello, ghost. Hello.

And I think she tries to hug the ghost. She does, yeah. That's great. But she. And then the guy's like, hey, guess what? Also, is anyone still here? Yeah, because if anyone's still here, Madam Webb could be in multiple places at the same time.

I don't know why. Yeah, you're only starting your potential. Follow the threads, the web threads. Seeing the future sort of kind is your power also stealing cars. Stealing cars. Also, there's an FYI, I just I'm getting a little buzz here in the back of my head. Did you clear of fireworks factories?

Does that make sense to you? Yeah, I can't imagine there would be fireworks. I mean, I'm looking at these visions. It's like a looney tune. It's like, you don't work near the Acme factory, do you? Stay away from the desert, especially if you're on a lone desert road and you see a big pile of feed there.

I'm getting a vision of a giant trampoline and a giant rock that is not going to go well for you. Anvils, not your friend. Ooh, I'm getting something here. I don't know entirely what it means, but roller skates with rockets on them, probably a bad idea. Hey, better movie, man.

Absolutely. Getting advised to not be employed by the Acme Corporation. Actually, you know, it's because of the Acme Corporation. Kudos to Sony for releasing Madam Webb. Yes. There you go. I can watch Madam Webb, whatever the fuck I want, and they made a little money off it.

It's on Netflix now. They're making a little money off the Netflix or whatever. And people can actually talk about it as opposed to being in the fucking accountants folder. Well, I heard it's actually quite a success on Netflix and that actually negates the bad reviews it's received. I don't think that's true. Well, I mean, that's what some people are saying. No, because the fucking army of watches on Netflix are all fucking Steve Irony Chasers. That's all it is.

I know. I know it is. But, you know, I want to, you know. And kudos to them for releasing Venom the Last Dance. Kudos to them for releasing Craven the Hunter. All of these things that David Zazlov would have burned the hard drives for. Think about those tax writeoffs. A lot of money.

But cinema is better for it now. Exactly. I know what it is. How bad could that Bat Girl movie? It couldn't be worse than this. It couldn't. It couldn't have been. It literally cannot be.

Like I dare it. I dare it to be worse than this. Coyote versus Acme. Yes. Yes. Will Forte was involved in some way. And the people that saw that said it was really funny too. it again has to be better than

Madden Webb has to be better than Crave it has to be better than a lot of things Sony put out but Sony has the fucking balls to put something out so there you go god bless, kudos to Sony um and so it's just back to New York by the way this dude's just like yeah some vague laundry list of potential powers that may come up

so do you need to me give you a lift of the airport or uh yeah he's gonna walker or what speaking of your spatial relation point I would love to see I don't know a shot of the airport how about a stock footage of a fucking plane or even like she because if it's a real movie like she's at the airport she's at the airport hotel

and she calls right the girls like how's it going sure and then maybe Ezekiel does something and she's like oh no I got to get there quicker Zosha Mamet's like oh just clocked a phone call exactly right yeah you pull back and phone lines and calls that's like a spider's web but Zosci about I believe is out of the movie at this point I don't know that she comes back no she's gone

she's still sitting in this chair when we get back to New York to literally say she hasn't found anything Okay, great. It's basically what the whole deal is. And then it cuts to, they're all hiding at Ben Parker's place. And, uh-oh, Emma Roberts water breaks. And Peter Parker is about to be brought into this world. What did you say?

Oh, uh, Sneeter Snarker is about to be brought into this world. Thank you. Let's get sued here. True, true, true, true, true. Uh, yeah, like, just they're having a movie. And then Emma Roberts comes out and she's like, hey, by the way, I'm still in the movie. And I think my water broke.

Dude, you have not seen Emma Roberts for an hour and a half. at this point. Not since her baby shower. Like, and you haven't thought about her or anything? Nope. You've seen other moments of Adam Scott. Yes. You know, but yeah, this is scenes deleted. He's dealing on the phone when she's going to Peru. He's like, I'll take care of the girls, but you got to, like, believe in yourself, whatever the fucking stuff. Sure. Yeah. Little Adam Scott Pem talk there.

What I need is fucking, if we're in this universe, I need 1990s Marissa Tomei to be like, who the fuck of these girls? Cassie leaves you with three teenage girls and you have to fucking babysit for them and of course nothing's going on right, Ben Barker? Nothing's going on. All right, I'll take it

that you're just helping some girls off the street that are in some trouble. But why is the one that's Goo Goo Goo Gaga and also dressed up like a sexy schoolgirl? Honey, honey, she's 27. Oh, that makes it worse, Benjamin. And my biological clock is going like this. Oh, it would be awesome.

But yeah, you're right. Like 1993, Marissa Tomey and a 2003 Marissa Tomey and a Ben Parker and Adam Scott. Sure. I guess that works. I guess. But that's presuming this is actually tied to that universe of you, which is just clearly. We have no idea. It can't be.

I mean, Tom Holland, I looked up, was born in like 96 or something. So it doesn't even line up to that. But you can argue he's playing younger. He's kind of younger. He acts of a teenage boy in that. Yeah. Anyways, they drive, they're running the hospital. To your point, yes, Eric, he's an ambulance driver. He's like, oh, my gosh, you're water broke.

What do I do? What the fuck? You've delivered thousands of babies. I forgot who I am. He was replaced by a pod person. He's like, I don't know what these customs. Another alien came down. It took over his body now.

Exactly. But yeah, she's like, oh, I think my water just broke. And he's like, well, that's impossible because Richard's at. of town and the baby's not due for four weeks and I'm like are you new to this EMT racket or what like what are you doing what is any of this it's so stupid he's just for the stupid joke of like I'm a nervous guy around babies exactly that's because you're a man you're like when it comes to down there but you've like again you have to have delivered like seven to 10 20 babies but they all died so so he's very nervous about it yeah there you

Oh, right, this is my own nephew. I don't want to be part of this. They call me Butterfingers' bed. I drop them all in the paved. Whoop, whoop, who, who, who, who, who, who, oh. They just come out so fucking slippery. I don't know what to do. Oh, crash.

Crash and crack like a watermelon. Oh, God. These poor kids. Keep away from Ben Parker. Oh, but the placenta came out beautiful and fine. Would you like to kiss it and name it? Yeah, I never told you this, May. You know, you're Mary Parker, not May.

I never told you this, Mary, they call me the bedortionist at the hospital. You do not want me delivering your baby. People keep telling me, it's a great responsibility to do this. You shouldn't be doing it. O'Neill even referred to me as such during his speech at his own wedding he gave. That was embarrassing. But just to show you, just how ingrained his nickname is.

Yeah, it brought the house down, of course. Oh, they all laughed at me. So he's got to race them all the car. this boxy-ass. It actually looks like old-ass Uncle Ben would be driving this car. Again, because is this the 90s? This is the 2000s? Who could care? Whose boxy-ass sedan is this? Yeah.

We're driving. Calvin Clyde paid something for this movie, too, man. Oh, absolutely. We're getting a big old billboard here. The whole thing is Ezekiel is onto them because I think this is her last moment in the movie. Zosha Mamet's like, oh, I picked up a transmission for an ambulance

to come to this house. And now I'm tracking, you know, he's like, track them to the hospital. or whatever. So it's like they're driving to the hospital through like this is a weird

we're sort of given the sense that they live in like Astoria LIC proper and he's driving and because they say also like

Vernon Boulevard blah blah blah that's Queens and then it's like on second avenue and I'm like so you're driving like into the city

again no fucking bridge to be found no bridge coverage here I guess because Emma Roberts had a nice specialist yeah maybe that's the exact

I have to go to Beth Israel or something. So they're like, stuck in traffic. Ezekiel's like, oh, do, this is her last thing. Turn all the traffic lights green. So they'll cause a car wreck and like box the car in. Then me, spider dude will come out and attack the shit out of him. And Cassie has visions of everybody getting killed right here and him like jumping on the car. So what does she do?

She steals another car. She steals an ambulance this time. At least this is a mode of transportation she's used to drive. She's like, sorry, guys. my apologies Beet be Just I actually I need to sleep I was just on a fucking 40 hour flight

From fucking Peru I'm exhausted I got delayed and delayed And I was kind of drinking at the airport Because I didn't think anyone was gonna happen I was hoping I'd have the night off From this adventure My spider vision just showed me

Puking in the toilet So I thought I was in the clear So like just when it appears Like all is lost And they're gonna be killed She drives Like I guess she's in a parking garage. She drives the

car or the ambulance through the wall of the parking garage, which is the Calvin Klein billboard. She just barely misses crushing all her friends and family. The pregnant woman with the ambulance and like hits him. Go back in time

if she wants her. Does she get stabbed at some point it goes back in time? Let's try that again. No. It's like a diner. She does get stabbed. She has like visions of it happening. Oh so okay that was the vision of it happened. You need to put this in a different sepia color tone or something. Let me know what the

fuck's a vision. There's so many fake outs. That's the whole place. Yeah, you wouldn't be able to do the fake outs if it look different. It's, which is so by the third time you're exhausted of it. Meanwhile, the girl's like, yay, Cassie's back. And I think like, Maddie's like, look, you're showing off now. She's like, maybe a little bit. Oh, it's like, oh, I haven't

you haven't seen anything yet though, because then it's like he's approaching the ambulance. Yes. And she tells anna like oh uh or anika or whatever her name is get the paddles charged and get ready to put them up to the ceiling and when the dude this is actually kind of neat like the dude lands on the roof of the ambulance and she says go and it jolts the roof and he goes fly pretty neat little thing here it's cool uh she also goes to adam scott she's like you take mary to the hospital if we go the other way he won't care about you so it's almost as if you're a weird you know

vestigial thread from an earlier screen draft goodbye. Goodbye. When the movie goes this way, you go that way and you won't have to worry about a thing. They're out of the movie, dude. I think she literally says, like, if you go away from us, he won't care about you. I love that. I'm luring the movie

away from you. Yeah. Movie, come over here. This way, movie. Get away from Adam Scott. Come over here. We re-dubbed all the lines. He doesn't know you in this address. Here we go. Fireworks, totally yeah here we are man and everyone's like why are you taking

this year it's like well it's the one place he can't control or something gives us the advantage I don't know why you crippled and blind so it's not great you're not getting out scot free lady I'll tell you that exactly a master tactician

madam webb so they start sticking road flares under all these volatile fireworks traits like you would want to do she calls for a medevac helicopter as well i believe yes that's correct this is a terrorist attack by madam webb pretty much and her gang a little webgirls here absolutely her followers accolites maybe uh but yeah since she is she has seen all this already she's got the timing down and everything so it's like okay i know that this one's going to blow off here this one's

going to explode at this point this one's going to hit him this way oh girls duck this one's going to blow the wall down and we'll get out of here and blah blah blah and again this is all like there's a reason why some of these movies like the first ramy spider man you know you see him practicing stuff a little bit this is all just like on the fly and it doesn't make sense so like you can't follow it at all no and they also wrote themselves into a corner because the characters that could fight ezekiel weren't given powers in this movie and the character that could only see the fucking future is left to do everything which is really difficult to sort of write a big set piece for

because also she's just doing this all in her head and you kind of see like the visions or whatever but there's not even like in a comic you could have her thought bubbles being like Ezekiel's gonna come out here so we should do that and like that works for a comic book but like if you had voice

over here would just make things even worse so you have to figure out another way that she can figure out this plan and you as the audience member can also figure it out along with her because going in blind isn't any great surprise as to like what goes down. It's not more thrilling

if you don't know how she's pulling all this off. They go up to the roof. Ezekiel destroys the helicopter and in doing so puts all three girls in different forms of peril. Yeah, they're all going to fall in the girl, you can't save all three of them can you? Very green goblin-esque

there. Yes. Oh, right. Yeah, he makes Peter Parker choose as well. But no, she won't choose because the guy, the shaman was like, yeah, you could be multiple people, whatever. wrote a good shit. Well, because, Steve, come on. This is, you should know this is comic book lore that she can travel within this web. Yeah, of course. And she comes out as an astral person, give me your hand. I got you, Sidney,

and then everything's okay. Yeah, it's so excited to watch too. It's as exciting. It's like a mannequin saving the day. Ezekiel says there at one point, You can't beat me with your mind. And she goes, the girls were never your future. I was. It is such a delay.

It's like four ellipsies in that script. Well, actually, no, they were. I literally had a vision, unless it was a weird sex dream, but maybe that's why they're all wearing latex. Okay. No, this is making more sense now. Yeah, it's like, you know,

I'm trying to figure out why I'm dreaming about Sidney's Sweeney at night. I need to, obviously, I have to kill her. She comes in a black leather spider out. Foot and steps on my balls. What could it mean? Oh, man. I'm the other one, fingers of my ass, and I die.

Or maybe I don't die, but I wake up. I just thought it died, but, oh, wait, yeah, you're right. Oh, you know what? I'm sorry. I'm just having some weird psychic sex dreams. You girls weren't trying anything with me. I misread the whole thing. And I just, I grafted because I'm a fucking spider guy.

I gave you spider powers, which you clearly don't have. My mistake. Oh, it is just, boy, my face is spider-red right here. Imagine seeing some girls on the street be like, those are the girls from my sex dream. They're going to grow up and be older in that dream. And they're going to kill me. They're going to kill me.

You're the girl from my dream! Those are the underage girls from my sex dream, and they're coming to kill me. But they'll be older in the dream. No, no, no, no, no, it's fine in the dream. Nothing. So she fucking, like he gets hit with a pee from the Pepsi Cola sign. Yeah, right, he takes pee to the face.

Was that your dream asshole? I did not envision golden showers. And then she gets knocked off. She falls in the water for the third and final time. And then Sidney's sweetie because she's on Euphoria and the second lead has to come in and save her. Kind of amazing that it's the solo Sydney save. And all three girls don't jump. Like, you expect them to work together to save Madame Way.

Well, no, they do because they start doing CPR on her. Oh, sure. That's the working together part. Right. After she, she needs that CPR because she is literally hit in the face with a loose firework that flies into the water like a Soviet missile and just blasts her. Well, she also ran into that wall that Ezekiel painted a tunnel on. All right.

Yeah, I forgot about that. Tried to dive through it. And also just opening your eyes in the East River. Oh, dude, that's why she went blind. Yeah, take, take those things that they're done for it. That firework didn't do nothing. So, you're going to need Jerry Orbach's eyes after that, lady. You've got Jerry Arbock's eyes.

Well, it might be a good timing. She might get it, right? Oh, that's true. In 2003? When did they harvest his eyes? Oh, probably not long after that, I'd say. Got to look it up. I mean, Lenny Briscoe certainly lived a C-9-11.

Don't worry about that. When did they suck those eyeballs out of his skull? I think it's like they're not... They give one. Yeah. So, he died December 2004. So close. Oh, wow.

Well, maybe she could be on the wait list and then get it. Sure, right? Because this is like, presumably December, right? She's watching, it's a wonderful life. I imagine. December 03. Different world, Madam Webb, two happens. And then she's got one of Jerry Orbach's eyes.

And it's just like all squiggly and looking around weird. Yeah, it's wherever I go anywhere. They just now play half of the Law and Order theme song. it's just um but so we just cut to and it's amazing we cut to emma roberts in the hospital god give a shit i gave birth to my baby

my baby named cut cut with all the other specifics that we've been given just have her say peter at least it would just like plant it in a world that this makes any sense at all because like if it this is i'm literally curious it would be nothing

It would be nothing. But I'm curious about it this way, though, right? Because they didn't, they couldn't get it cleared. But if it was just Peter, and you didn't say the full Peter Parker. Yeah. Like, if she was like, here's your nephew Peter. There's just, here's your nephew Peter. Yeah.

Are you still getting sued by the mouse? I don't know. Because of context clues, he's Ben Parker and he asked him he, Parker. Right. But like, it just allow it to happen. You don't need Tom Holland to fucking dance in this. I mean, I would appreciate it. Sure.

But, like, that's how the movie you made. you made this movie for some reason. I do love that they're all the same hospital, though. That's a nice, like, the end of a lethal weapon movie or something. Like, we're all just wheeled into the same place after the events of the film. And they bring out Peter Parker, and it's like, what?

He's Nordberg. What did you do? Oh, so it's more Miles Morales than Peter Parker. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, that was the twist. And then Ben is like, well, thank God Richard's out of town. But he's going to figure this out of. Eventually, that does not look like Richard.

Cassie is, yes, laid up in the hospital still. She's blind now. All the girls are around her. She does kind of a nice, like puts her hand out. They're like, oh, we're all still here. And there's some orderly is like, are you all family? Like, yes, we are family. Yeah, would you do?

Spider family. You are praying. Speaking of found families inside of a hospital, you are praying for the end of lethal weapon for. No, we're family. You want it so bad after. family. She says that no, they're all mine. Yeah. That's her fucking

deadpan line. Yes. Come on. At least Gussie it up with a corona. But then totally. At least I have a fucking barbecue going with some coronis. Then we didn't, which we should have seen this earlier. She's a huge Devo fan. I mean like set that up. If she's a huge Devo fan, set it up. Is it because she can't see these glasses? That's why they're so goofy. They're fucking with her. They're like,

Cassie, we got you these awesome sunglasses. Yeah, they're so cool. But this makes sense, right? Would I venture, I guess, this character was actually created in the 1980s? Yes. Those are 1980s, like, bebop from Ninja Turtles. They're very close to what she actually wore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, but I guess also the accident then paralyzed her. Yeah. She is in this, dude, it is a fucking dollar store, Charles Xavier wheelchair, man. What is going on with this? It's just so much. And then, like, the girls are coming in. God bless you. like, I didn't even, wait, I sneezed.

Oh, I chew, you did it again. And this is a fucking annoying, by the way. Yeah, oh, absolutely. And then she's like, oh, how is Ben like being an uncle? This is the, all the responsibility, none of the responsibility, all the fun. That's what he thinks he's going to be gunned outside of a, out of a wrestling match. God, that's so bad. That's so, she's just smiling.

Yeah. And no stinger. No stinger. No stinger. Well, the last thing is, like, you girls will be trained to become superhero. or something, and you see them all in the costumes again in the fucking future, in the far

fucking future. And dude, it is a classic fucking next time baby. You're never going to believe this kind of a thing because she just goes, whatever the future holds, we'll be ready for that sequel. My God, like, Jesus.

You're right. We don't need all these girls. No. Just make it like Sidney or something. And it's like a, she eventually gets like a Mr. Miyagi-esque relationship. Exactly, with one girl And that girl gets her powers In this movie And they both help each other out

Yes, that's a movie You got yourself a buddy movie That's easier to write Than juggling four characters Clearly you did not give a shit About three of them Really four of them frankly Madam Webb isn't really that well written either

Not much attention to O'Neal either And if you want this Halloween costume To take off you gotta give me a meteor O'Neil In this movie You want little kids going up the door saying my funeral's in Poughkeepsie. And the audacity to end this movie with Dreams by the Cranberries.

Again, a 90s song! Yeah, no kidding. Do not use. Totally, you needed some fucking Interpol and get the strokes in there at the end of some shit. Just look at the Spider-Man 2002 soundtrack. Yeah, exactly.

Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional, it's right there. Get the, what do you call it there? The Wigs of an Angel. And the wings of a hero. Hell yeah. going to stand here and wait damn that song yeah it sucks

but that'd be fun for this it would be it would be something oh man but nobody is holding onto their hats for Madam Webb too I feel that is the end of this movie go around the horn for some final thoughts Eric Siska yes this might be one of the worst we've ever I say it from time

to time but I really I despise this movie saw it the first time had to watch it again I just really it's just there's just nothing it's just like give me something give me relish to me mustard there's nothing on this it's just plain hot talk dude no fucking weaner in that bun either just a plain bun i want to get a weiner in my bun and i i wasn't getting it so no i hate this movie it pass stephen say that just make a spider woman movie like just call it spider woman get the jessica drew character you can cast whoever you want you know to be white black or otherwise get to get whatever demographic you're looking for you and it's like check everybody box by everyone there. Were they allowed to say Spider woman?

I don't know. That's a good question. Just called Spider. The spider. Spider, parentheses, no, not to be confused with the... Cronenberg book. Yes. Spider, Colin, definitely not the Cronenberg movie with Ray Fines. Because, like, Morbius made...

Venom made a ton of sense. It's like... Sure. That character makes Boku bucks, tattoos. I've seen that dude on T-shirts. That was a fun performance from Tom Hardy. Even me not liking the two other movies.

Yes. It was still a fun performance. And the first movie is like, I mean, the best of these, but leaps and bounds. Oh, yeah. And then, you know, Morbius, less sense, but I kind of get it. Blade made money that, you know, vampire this, vampire action movie makes some sense. Craven even sort of, this just doesn't make sense. Like, make it a female superhero movie as opposed to a fucking, a woman that can only see

the future and the whole story doesn't make any sense. This is, if you hear that an expression that you made, uh, you made a, you made a, you made a, chicken salad out of chicken shit. I don't know. I don't know that one. Because it's like, oh, basically you had, you were given such bad materials. We made chicken salad out of it. You know, it's pretty good.

You had chicken shit. Sure. But I always thought about that expression. It doesn't make sense because it would still taste like chicken shit. You know what I mean? That's true. And that's what this is. It is exactly chicken salad out of chicken shit.

But you're like, oh, no, you can tell, definitely still taste the chicken shit. Eat around that Adam Scott. You can taste the chicken shit. So the reviews are in, not enough mayonnaise. Not enough. Exactly. Too many grapes? What are you doing to grapes?

Well, you don't get the grapes and raisins. Get out of my chicken salad. God damn it. God damn it. That's a food war crime. That's what that is. That's correct. Unless you like it, listener, then I love it.

Speaking of Crimes Against Humanity, this movie, yeah, I just, not for me, folks. And, you know, I'm all for the ironic watches, and I know they're out there, and that's great. It might not be my last, I'll be honest. This movie is such a curio. It's so weird. Yeah. I mean, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if this. is inspiring, you know, ironic bookings for public screenings

somewhere along the way. I'm sure. They tried to do that with this movie the same way they tried to do it when the same exact thing happened with Morbius and they were like, oh, people were making fun of it, put it back in theaters, and it didn't I mean like Morbius had barely worked at all and this did not work at all. I mean, again, I don't think Dakota Johnson is a bad actor. I think this is just a horrendous you know, mishmash of a script from nine other different scripts. And it kind of shows that nobody wanted to be in this movie. Other than Adam Scott, who I think thought that he was in some other movie

where there were way more scenes with Mike Epps and whatever else. But that didn't happen. It's just a mistake. Craven is better than this movie. But that is going to do it for our first of several episodes in 2025, including Patreon content that will still be rocking and rolling in the new year. We love movies coming out. If you were listening to this on the Tuesday that it comes out,

this coming Friday we are releasing a we love movies episode all about Furiosa a Mad Max saga which is a better female driven movie yes that gives me reasons to give a fuck about the character absolutely so that is going to be going on we did uh towards the end of the year uh last month if you missed it we released the Hulkman terry uh which is us talking over onli's Hulk for two and a half hours that's a really fun time that's another zany wacky comic book movie that actually worked. It's putting in common book stuff we're doing for animation damnation. The Cape Crusader. We're doing an episode on that. That's right. That's coming up this month. The Batman series that came out on Amazon

last year that I love so much. I watched the entire thing twice. Hell yeah. Hamish Linklater doing Batman and Bruce Wayne. It's fucking awesome. And the episode I think that we're going to do is pretty cool. It sets up Harvey Dent. It's going to be a lot of awesome stuff. But I recommend watching that entire series, by the way. Put that out there. Melroo 210. Also still rocking and rolling this month. We will be back at West Beverly and that shitty apartment complex this month. Let people know that's

902 and Melrose Place. We recap both of them on the Gleepe Glouclery this month. We'll be talking about winter which I picked because it is winter. But winter is Princess Lay's assistant. Get ready for I love this. And we'll have of course another nexus where we talk about

Toastus, the animated series. Absolutely. The original animated series. the next generation That's right We are now kind of deep Are we deep into season four? Big time. Yes, we are.

We are deep into season four of Star Trek the next generation. We've recapped all those episodes, folks. Go back and listen. Hell yeah, I think in December the Nexus hit 100 episodes if you can even believe it. Badness.

Pretty insane. So all that and more, including ad-free episodes of this very show. We hate movies. The big one, the big prime show. Add-free. Patreon.com

slash we hate movies now some of the movies we got in front of our eyes last year month continues Steve next week better movie than this week what will we be talking about the beekeeper hell yeah I'm so excited to revisit this one and the question

this is my letterbox review and I still don't have an answer for it yeah is he a beekeeper because he's a beekeeper or was he a beekeeper because he was a beekeeper right right right right right so chicken in the egg yeah totally I guess we'll find out next week when we talk about the beekeeper

and was he interested in beekeeping before he got the job as a beekeeper or does it come with the territory after the hiring date? We'll discuss in detail next week on We Hate Movies. Until then, I've been Andrew Juven. Stephen's hit. Eric Siskin. Take it easy.

Thank you.