We Hate Movies - S15 Ep784: Vanilla Sky

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

“This is a version of New York that died immediately on 9/11” - Steve, on the film’s vibe On this episode, WAIT-WHUT-uary continues with a chat about the early-aughts Cameron Crowe psychological thriller, Vanilla Sky! How amazing is all this New York City cinematography? Was this one of the last times Tom did some super-serious dramatic acting? Can we get more Kurt Russell characters like this doctor guy? Can we also just get Jason Lee back in movies in general? Has Cameron Diaz ever been better? And how creepy is that mask? PLUS: Coming this Fall to Paramount+, Klingon Frasier! Vanilla Sky stars Tom Cruise, Penélope Cruise, Cameron Diaz, Jason Lee, Noah Taylor, Timothy Spall, Tilda Swinton, Michael Shannon, and Kurt Russell as Dr. McCabe; directed by Cameron Crowe. This episode is brought to you in part by Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney dot com slash WHM today. That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM! Don’t forget to snag your tickets for the replay of our Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire show and the After Party Q&A that followed! The replay’s available now through Thursday, February 13th!   Tickets are on sale now for our three-night residency during the Oxford Comedy Festival! We’ll be doing six shows over three nights from July 18 through 20, doing shows like WHM, W❤️M, The Nexus, The Gleep Glossary, and Animation Damnation! Tickets are going fast, so friends over there, snag your tix!  Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program, you know, I'm starting to wonder if this whole thing might be a lucid dream-turned nightmare. How about you out there in listenerland? We're talking Vanilla Sky. I'm Andrew Jupin. Dachshaport! Steven Siddick. Citizen Dildo, Eric Sisko. A cinnamon cabin.

And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine program, as always. If you're a new listener catching us for the first time because you dig on Cameron Crow movies, this is a comedy show where we take a movie good, bad or otherwise, and kind of kick it around for a little while, have some fun with it, do some dumb voices and such. And yes, this week, continuing, we're in week two of, holy what you, Erie. We're talking 2001's Vanilla Sky, directed by Seacrow himself. Now, if you had asked me in 2001, this would be a good movie.

Now it's in the, uh, or otherwise category. That's where it's, it's limbo. Yeah. Well, see, so this is interesting, right? So if you ask me in 2001, I would have told you that this is garbage. And if you ask me right now, I will happily tell you, I will happily tell you, I, fucking proudly rated this 4.5 stars on Letterbox. I think this is great.

I think it's a great movie. I think this is really good. I really like this movie. I haven't seen the original in a while, but I remember liking that as well. I still never saw it. Yeah, the amenabar. Is that the guy you directed it? Yes. I remember liking it. Yeah, I remember liking that one

more. When this came out, I watched that and this. Oh, nice. And I liked that one. I think it's because it's more contained. I think it's more like the relationship with the Russell Kurt Russell Kurt Russell character There you go

This Cameron Crow is throwing me here It's Cameron Russell I think it was more with the psychologist If I remember correctly But good movie and this I feel like I'm in the middle with you guys Because I don't hate it as much as Steve despises this stuff

I don't hate it I'm kidding But I think I like it I like it just fine I see the reasons why people love it I see the reasons why people don't like it You want to be a little cynical You can say it's sort of like

like a Matrix, but for older men who like Bob Dylan album covers. That is certainly one way to put it. Like a ready player one for the geriatric Gen X. It's a vanity project for a rich boy, which is what most, which is, I'm sorry, what most movies are. I mean, I like plenty of Penelope Cruz quite a bit in this movie, but she is like the err text of the manic pixie dream girl, Nathan Rabin's template. I mean, sort of, yeah. Yeah, and I'm going to put that in the sort of character. It's the quirky girl you meet one time you become fucking deadly obsessed with.

Do you want to listen to Jeff Buckley records with me? Oh, is Cameron Crow jerking off while he writes this? Well, I'm sorry, Steve, so a pretty lady's not allowed to listen to Jay Buckley now these days, huh? That's what Steve said next say? When Cameron Crow's fat fingers are on the keyboard, you know where it's coming from. I'm going to love this next bit of runtime here because I'm going to find every way to push Steve's buttons about this is going to be awesome.

Isn't it the point that that could be the fact that she could be made up? Like considering what we're talking about and how it's talking about how double fantasies, like the point is that it's supposed to be believable that this person could be completely a figment of your own imagination. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's the different, one of the two, one of the different readings.

Obviously, like, they tell you when, reality is quote unquote spliced or not whether or you're not you want to believe that is up to you yes i guess for the movie's sake i choose to believe where it's it where it says the splice is yeah i do too and i was thinking about this because like it's kind of interesting right last week with identity that's like it's a twist ending that we're you know we talked about it comes like with 20 minutes left of the movie and you're like wait what how much is left this movie when when the credits roll you realize like the whole thing's kind of been a wait what yes but like because because of that vibe that i get from this like i kind of think like i guess my question is like if the movie then because

the thing about it that you know you you definitely can criticize this movie for is it really just it gets so didactic towards the end you're trying to explain this fucking concept and whatever and that's all that's all fine like that's totally fine but like why would the movie choose to lie to you about it, giving you that much information. You know what I mean? Like, what is the, what is the point of Cameron Crow secretly being like, well, that's not it?

You know what I mean? Like, it's just, it's it. That's what I mean. I can see him doing it once or twice to throw you off. That makes sense. To think that it's consistently happening and at like your own whims, essentially, I think that's insane. A lot of people like to watch a movie

and pretend that they're the smartest person to ever watch it and like, there's the secret beginning. There's The secret thing. Well, it's when the death dream begins right now. It's all a death dream. It's always a death dream. And also, that's how to view the movie is like, are you watching what you want to watch?

Or are you watching what is happening? Like, that is a huge question in the middle of this movie. This was also, I will say, his follow up to Almost Famous, which is like a real left turn kind of deal. Which is pretty cool. It's been a while for being almost famous. oh dude yeah that's we bought that untitled like the director's cut

they did a brief 4K release of it yeah I mean both of those versions I think are great I kind of came away from that director's cut like holy shit it's almost better really I never was huge on almost famous I should give it a rewatch it just felt like another boomer jerking off about the 70s and 60s

welcome to Cameron Crowe baby I know. I know. He never really hit for me. I mean, I say, because like, even like the stuff that he's very acclaimed for, you know, like, I was never Jones and to put on fast times either. You know what I mean? Yeah. Right. Oh, I love fast times. I have watched that a lot. I like say anything, but I thought it was a John Hughes movie till right now. What do you think about singles? It's been forever. I remember liking that more. I definitely need to go back to that and give it to another shot. Same with Jerry McGuire, which I also remember. liking it middle so because that was kind of a real birth for the disgusting shit boy in my lexicon oh dude yeah jonathan lip making he's one of the ground zeros of the dsb movie it's so disgusting to gaze upon oh it like hurt it's like looking at the sun yeah he's like a jack kirby monster of a disgusting shit for like a real like a real prototype i uh yeah i like yeah i guess my favorite cariburn crow movie would be almost famous

the Foffman of it all the Billy Cudip of all and the Frannie McDee of course the great Frady McDee amazing and then you got to look at you know fucking Jim Henson's creation Patrick Fuget

you're like yeah I don't know Oh hey there I'm a rock journalist This I thought was fine I liked this movie well enough When it came out And then I never saw Elizabeth Town We bought her zoo or Aloha

No no I'm over three on the the back part of this dude's catalog. We are overdue to buy a zoo as a podcast. We need to go there. We need to watch it. That is the only one of those three I haven't seen. I've seen Elizabeth Town. I've seen Aloha.

And they're both awful. I remember when Elizabeth came out. It was like, oh, there was like a dude from purchase that we knew who was in it as like an extra. And it was like, you got to watch Elizabeth Town. So-and-so's in it. And I was like, no, I don't. I mean, unless you love Orlando Bloom

And like, I like him enough But like he's not a lead And he's not a person I would watch for that long And also the script's not very good either We should buy a zoo And then we can be like coming to you live From the zoo we bought Yes

I know Steve you were just implying We do the movie as an episode I'm saying we should literally buy Yeah, definitely buy a zoo We can have a horse where fellas come over and do the Zoo 2007 documentary. So this is your project? Okay.

This is our project. This is going to be a new tier on Patreon to get us. Like, you know, sometimes you can set goals, I believe, right? Like a financial goal. So like, let's find out the price of a cheap, moderate zoo. You know what I mean? That's crazy. We're not going to buy the Bronx Zoo, you know.

No, no. Like a shitty zoo. Yeah. Like a Joe exotic type of thing where they're just abusing animals and it's not really a zoo. you're not thinking of the monthly cost Steve I think we're really going to be in over our heads pretty quickly if we did do

we bought a zoo as an episode on Patreon we could do the zoo documentary people have been asking us for years about that film interesting that is certainly a conversation we'd have to lock behind a pay wall that's a side order of slees we would start a new tier

this is a great opening and I mean I think the soundtrack for this movie mostly hits mostly bangers obviously the radio Head song is perfect in the everything in its right place baby this is an evil dead ghost descending upon manhattan yes the it's kind of funny this you know obviously the the very famous shot of eerie empty time square is it funny how like quaint and like tasteful time square looks yeah compared to what it looks like now like yep there's like there's billboards everywhere but not like it is right the second no because you know what i think

the stark differences, most of them are still billboards, not 100 foot TV screens. You could still believably without incredible green screen recreate the freewheeling Bob Dylan album cover in the actual street. It happened. You could still do that. Now you cannot do that. There's too much work that's been done. Yeah. I have to say

one thing, you know, an interesting thing I noticed, like right off the bat when this movie starts because yes before he goes out into time square it's a little bit of a Patrick Bateman wake up routine he's picking you know the single gray hair off of his head the son of a bitch you know like and I just like Chelsea and I were both like holy shit like he looks so young in this movie and I feel like when we watch new Tom Cruise movies because of the physicality and you know the intensity and all that stuff it appears as if he does have that like pseudo ageless quality but then you go back 24 years

now and like watch this movie you're like oh never mind he was yeah 39 filming this and he's playing 33 and i think that's we're doing the christ resurrection stuff here yeah sure i mean like you can even go about i mean like you look at him in the outsiders where before you get them he's fixed we're back when he had like real asshole face oh a real like you can play a real easy racist like very quick right his teeth were wild it was like uh it was like they were all going the wrong direction everything was not in its right place back of the outsiders. No, in this movie,

he looks like he could lead a Shaw Brothers movie. He's in that kind of shape. It's also crazy. Like, obviously, the Times Square thing is, like, the more impressive part. Like, they got the actual permission to, like, shut it all down really early in the morning and do this. But honestly,

the opening shots of him getting in the car and he's driving around, like, the Upper West Side, and there's no, like, strollers or, like, annoying old people. I was like, this is also. preferable. Where are the hot dogs? Where did the hot dogs go? Yeah. Where

to your point, Andrew, where are the legions of nannies raising these kids? Absolutely. It's kind of cool because he's like he's as he gets out, he's like, oh cool, we're no one out. And he looks like, even like checks his watch like nine o'clock, nobody's you know, like, no one around. People should be here now. Also,

it's cool looking at all the relics from Times Square. Like, um, yeah. What the, the landmark that's long gone the Leo Lindy's cafe, that's in a thousand movies, those neon signs. The Virgin Megastore? Yes, the Virgin. The Virgin Megastore, the

very one where I got the Excuse me, sir. Mr. Durst is trying to shop. That was at that fucking Virgin Megastore. I will say in my in my death dream that I program myself,

physical media survives so much that there are Virgin Megastores. Best Buy still has Blu-rays for sale. Can hunker down to borders, maybe go to Circuit City. Nice. You could definitely find when the splice happened with you then, right? And then also the Times Square Toys R Us that's no longer there. Boy, you never thought that fucking thing was going to die. Right. That thing was huge. Didn't they have like a Ferris wheel

in it or something? It absolutely did have a Ferris wheel in it. And then of course the total request live facade on, uh, right. And, uh, 1515 Broadway. Legions of Britney Spears fans day in, day out just showed up. And they're like, what, why? I, can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't stand outside because who's doing a movie? It's crazy to think, too. I mean, you're filming this in 2000, like, that's like, that was like TRL at the height of his powers. Like, what a, what a fucking time, man. And this movie's right there, right? It is right the fuck there. This movie came out right before the world ended. Well, no, exactly. This does feel exactly like a, the last pre-9-11 movie almost. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's, because it's such a New York.

movie. It's a version of New York that died immediately on 9-11. We're talking about publishing and like, ooh, my publishing empire, like, so much of this is, you know, it's speculative fiction. Magazines. Magazine! Exactly. And then later on, Yelan, people will read again.

Are you sure about that? On screen, dot, dot, dot, dot, on screens. But I do appreciate that they kept the World Trade Center in the movie. It makes sense if you're doing this dream thing anyway from It's a fake reality. It's actually even creepier because at the end, it's, you know, at the end, it's Noah Taylor,

who's an actor that never really got his due, I feel. He was always, like, just about to break out as a character actor, but never really made it. I like, Noah did they gave him some swings. Do you remember that movie with John Cusack where he played Hitler? Oh, yeah, baby. Max. Max, baby.

He was around the same time, I think, or 2002. Very similar time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he was in a bunch of indie stuff. He was always just that guy. And then occasionally you would find him in, like, I, I, I, I'm not going to stand by this, but I feel like he's even a small character and like, like, now you see me or some shit like that.

Yeah, probably. Oh, that could be. Well, he's in, he's what, like the, he's like the, the, the roadie or whatever the fuck, in almost famous. Yes. He's great. He's great. Great in that movie.

We should say the movie, this movie actually, the release date, uh, was December 14th, 2001. Yes. So that, that's why the, the studio was pressuring him to take it out. Take it a lot. And Good Crow smartly kept left it in, but it's a really poignant, weird shot where, you know, Noah Taylor's explaining everything. They're on top of the rooftop. And he's looking over New York. And he just says, and he says sort of the catchphrase of the movie, which is, you know, like the, you have to have the sweet.

Without the sour, the sweet won't be the sweet or whatever that exact phrasing is. Right. And there's a huge shot of the Twin Towers right behind him. It's a very bizarre kind of juxtaposition, you know what I mean? Yeah, see, the fact that that happened, Steve, I can now appreciate the buildings that are standing. You're going to say, then the message would be, without the sour, you'll never have sweet again.

Yeah. Then he wakes up, like we always, like many of us have up to, next to Cameron Diaz, and he goes, uh, and no, this is an alarm clock, right,

or whatever that says, open your eyes with the different women's voices. That is unsubed. settling. Could you imagine that? Oh, my God. Well, I think the first, when he wakes up and it's still the dream, that's Penelope saying it. Right. Yes. This is Cameron.

So you got that, you get the switch there with Cameron Diaz. It's like recordable CDs, I think. Of course. We're the fashion of the time. Oh, sure. Dude, get a couple of CDRWs. A big stack. All that stuff that's gone now. Oh, boy. By the way, great great call to just keep Penelope Cruz in the same role from the original movie.

She's great. She's good in the original, too. And Cameron Diaz is the sex Joker is an excellent role. I think she's great. I think she's actually literally great in this movie. Yeah, I'm not, that's a joke. But she is like the sex Joker.

Like she's, when she's like laughing and stuff, it's like, she could have played Harley Quinn. Yeah, why so sexy? Oh, totally. Yes. She came close. I mean, she comes very close in the counselor. Yes.

About as close to a Harley Quinn, Cameron Diaz performance as we'll ever get. You want to know how I got these hickeys. My weird husband Javier Bardem Kissed them on me So this scene is like You start hearing voiceover of him talking to Kurt Russell in this scene

And you get this because you know It's the line about like Not all rich kids are soulless And not all psychologists care about dreams Like Kurt Russell You sure about that? Well he's this dream This dream counselor basically

Is like trying to be like a hip a hip dude or whatever but you know Kurt Russell asking the question you know how did you get here how did you get to this moment where we are talking and this is the well I was managing three magazines at the same time and this

is the scene starts Cameron Diaz rolling over the structure for this movie for a little while follows Silent Night Deadly Night 2 you know what I mean where it's just where we're just hearing a you know we're relaying what happened to a therapist kind of a thing and this is yeah Cameron

Cameron Diaz as Julie her cell phone ring this is the quaint days of like you just had a little midi ringtone dude and hers was row row row row your boat oh annoying

oh those midi that's why he wants to break up with her but life is but a dream I understand it doesn't mean that the song's any good that's trippy as hell dude that's what like the old prospectors that used to sing that

where we're gotten into they found some new brush to smoke if you know what I mean. They have had sex four times in the previous evening. She's really jazzed about that. Like, you know, what are you up to today? And he's kind of giving her the brush off

immediately. Yep. Maybe you should have done it. Maybe you should have done it three nuts ago, dude. Like, you know what I mean? Like, maybe the first one was the one where you're like, that was fun, but I'm not really into this chick.

Three more times you're inserting. Come on. Now you got a firearm. We got to buy her breakfast. Yes, we had sex four times. I think that's probably three vaginal and one oral, right? Because the swall of the come, I think, was recent as well. Was that also last night?

It might have been, it might have been at the same time and you're not counting it in the bank. Wait, he's pulling it out and just fucking shooting it. I mean, I'd say, I'll just, I'll just say this, man. It's been done before. I know. I just think that's a little rude and presumptuous, but, you know, he is a billionaire. Sure. And he looks like Tom Cruise in 2001, which is quite something. That's true. I'd let that dude shoot wherever, man. You're right. You fuck me and shoot all over me. I don't care.

But look, you know, he does, and he doesn't, I mean, again, you shoot, four times in one that you can't invite this lady to your birthday party. Come on. That's, that is an invitation to your birthday party. I'm sorry. You get the answer to that very quickly after when he talks about his intricate plans, like the ways he, manipulates things and like, hi, I'm an asshole. Hi there. Also, I mean, look, there was an invite ready to go for her. He heard that row, ro, row, row your boat ringtone.

That invite went the garbage. But this is your way. He's going to go for time five and he's like, no. But you could get rid of her at this party, right? Jason Lee likes her. She's the sex joker. Maybe Stephen Spielberg might want to taste. Oh, totally

dude. Yeah, pass her on. She's not on this coast tonight, Steve. You want to go somewhere? I'm sorry, Eric. That's wrong Tom Cruise movie. You're thinking of Eyes White Shut. That's when that would happen. You know, Kate and I have an arrangement.

Ring, ring, ring, hello. Oh, yes. Oh, excuse me, sir. Miss Capshaw is on the phone. No, we don't. Now, if I'm about to shoot a prestige picture, you understand, I'm allowed to have sex with anyone I want. No, he's not.

If it's a blockbuster, I'm. after. Then I'm faithful. These are, these are the two sides of Stephen. He has never talked to me about this ever. Not once. Uh, so he's driving down the street. Now people are bustling all along the street and everything. REMs all the right friends are, uh, yeah, all the right friends are. Yeah, all the friends are. Really quickly just, I don't want to make a four hour episode. We do need to talk about this large tube television that erects from the fucking floor of it. Oh, dude. That's the, because it's the future. The high of decadence. It was for the time. I remember

seeing this in the theater, fuming. Pissed off. Because I knew I would never reach these heights of having this Mr. billionaire apartment with the TV that rises out of the floor. And Eric, he's watching fucking Sabrina. He's watching a really great Billy Wilder movie. He's a classy guy.

I do. I'm pretty envious of this place, I must say. Tippety time, Cameron Crow. These are the things that I like, and it's a movie. Yeah. I do like. I do like. A lot of things he likes. I don't understand why this is a criticism. Because people put their references and shit all the time. I don't know. It becomes Ready Player 1 with the pop culture, which I mean is part of the point because

you can live in your. Yeah. I mean, because like if this happened to some guy now, like a rich baby man now, you'd be living in Marvel and stuff, right? But again, not to wait what ourselves too early here, but like is the whole point is that this is a hollow existence. having all these things obsessing about having the John

Coltrane hologram and like all this bullshit is it is fake it is makes you it does make you vapid and like you have to wake up from that and that's what real like adulthood is so like to me like his tippy tappiness actually works

for himself in this and like I guess the biggest argument is always is he aware of it exactly and like I do I think he is I think he knows exactly what he's doing here. It just sort of Like, Cameron Crow's references such as they are. And again, like, he's right. He's welcome to make them because everybody's allowed to make whatever references they want.

They're just so specifically him and so specifically a generation that I am not that I can, that I chuff against. That's all I'm saying. I chuff against. Right. Yeah. I mean, I guess, you know, chuff your ass off. But like, it's, but it's shit like, I mean, at least for me, I don't know, Billy Wilder movies, the Beach Boys. Like, these are things I too enjoy.

Like, so I guess it doesn't. I don't know. It doesn't bother me. To me, it's the same thing as, like, Kevin Smith having his clerks talking about Star Wars, because Kevin Smith likes Star Wars. It does kind of feel like classy Kevin Smith and something like. Honestly, that's it. That's, that's it. That's him. That is him in a nutshell. Kevin Smith wearing a monocle and a top hat is just Cameron Crow movies. Speaking of, who do we pick up right now? But Jason Lee? Oh, man. I love that Jason Lee is just able to be in movies. Sure. What a time to be alive. The fact that Jason Lee beat out Jared Leto at this audition, there once was... Thank God. Yes, God once cared. I think the thing, though, is like...

And I think Jason Lee is good in this movie. And I like Jason Lee and most things that I've seen him. I don't have anything against Jason Lee. I think it's a thing where Tom Cruise was, like, going through the list of people that audition. It was like, maybe Jared Letto, like, did a better job or whatever. But he's like, oh, well, you know, Jason and me... we've come up and through the same church, you see. Is that true?

Oh, I forgot that Jason, Jason Lee's, or was a zyatologist? Yes. I don't know that it's past tense. I know, I think he left now. I believe you left. Beck's family definitely left, I think, ultimately. Yeah, we forget about him. I got the number.

2016, he left the church. Oh, is that right? Oh, interesting. Yes. Okay. So he was around for a long time. And here's the thing. It's like, yes, you know, people always harp on us.

when we compliment Tom Cruise on the show because he's the figurehead of this evil syndicate or whatever. Meanwhile, you go to the mega church that you're going to, listener. I'm just saying they're all bad. They're all bad. Scientology is bad. I don't need to address it for an hour on a podcast.

Do you think like we're in the car, this cool Porsche, hey, this movie is smartly all about do not drive in New York. There's no reason to have a car in New York. And the perils of driving in New York is the subtitle of Vanellis guy. The perils of trying to change the CD while you're driving and saying radio head, anyone? He almost defending your life's himself. Exactly.

I was like, have you not learned anything from Albert Brooks? Yes. Come on now. Oh, see, the Tom Cruise character wasn't a fan of those movies, so they're not built into his dream role here. I'm not a bitch. I mean, to what you were saying, though, Steve, like, Jared Letto would go, like, the reason this works is because Jason Lee's a little shabby. He's a little, he's a, like he's hang dog, you know, it's a look. Jared Leto is too pretty.

Like, it wouldn't work. Yeah. He's a great friend character. Like Jason Lee, he's so affable. You could just cast him as a friend and it will work. Jared Leto feels a little more high maintenance and it would feel like a little, a colder veneer perhaps. I feel like Jason Lee is just so easy to plug into a role like this. Dude, fucking Jared Little just did fucking American Psycho.

Like, what else do you need? Like, to me, that would just be like, yo, no, it's not what we're looking for. Well, it also has to be a thing where, like, it has to be believable that Tom Cruise can easily steal women away from this Brian character. That's true. Which, you know, I think with him and Jared Leto in 2000, like, that's a fair fight, man. Also, what are you doing? Your buddy brings a pretty lady to your party and you just start fucking her or trying to? Yeah, that's pretty wild.

It's pretty fucked up. Give it a day. what is the deal here with Jason Lee because they're sitting in the car and he's basically, it's not this, but he basically is just like, you had sex with Cameron Diaz last night, he just like into it, it's like that

that happened or something? And Tom Cruise is like, no, he's like, I called you last night, you said you had a cold and all of a sudden you smell like vagina, you know what I mean? I went home. My dream girl is your fuck buddy. I went home. I went home. I saw my sliver set up

and I saw that you let her back in and you have them all over your house. By the way, that that fucking humongous painting of your dad's face isn't creepy at all. No problems there, dude. Enjoy it. It's great though. Did you guys,

it's a trivia thing, but did you read who that is? No. Who? It's one of my favorite post-war artist is Robert Rauschenberg. Oh, really? Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, how crazy is that, right? That's actually really cool.

The visage of him, because, like, Rauschenberg at the time was still alive, and I was like, I know that they tried to get Billy Wilder to be, like, cameoing or something. I was like, man, if, like, Rauschenberg was walking around this Tom Cruise movie, that would be insane. And the head, this painting of his head or whatever is so humongous. Is this supposed to be, like, God and his book is defending the kingdom? And now it's, oh, I'm such an important little boy, and I'm 33 years old. The painting thing makes perfect sense, though.

if it's right into what he's talking about. Like, the people I consider, like, my life are artists. Like, it's not really about who my actual father was. I kind of hate my actual father. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. So they almost get T-boned right here because we're looking through the CD booklet. You want Jeff Buckley, Radiohead, or maybe some early lends up on the stuff that I listened to when I interviewed them.

I mean, when that other guy did, wait, a car accident. from the from two not three or four two we're gonna work with that's the one we're looking for uh but yes uh and then then he goes dude this bucket hat when he gets what it from no he wasn't wearing the bucket hat with jason i think he knew not to and then like he dropped jason leoff wherever he drops them off bucket hat time oh yeah that's Steve if you're gonna go in and clearly he's going to interview jamiroquai very soon and that you need to look like you got to give him something you You know, he's got to relate to him. He should have warned it when he ran by Total Request Live, right?

Play the new radicals again. By the way, Courtney Love called and wanted to see if you got her email. Uh-huh. Well, no, yeah, because, no, speaking of the new radicals, Courtney Love Call, she said, from her mansion, you're going to kick her ass? Is that what you're saying? Oh, no, it's the other guy in that hat said he was going to kick. Oh, yeah, Beck and Marilyn Manson also called.

Yeah, someone unfurls a wanted poster with the new radicals guy on it. That's the guy. been threatening celebrities. Excuse me, sir. Rip off lying. FDA, big bankers buy it. Fake computer crashes dying. Something's, uh, excuse me, sir.

Do you know the rest of the lyrics or do you not? Excuse me, sir. Marilyn Manson, Beck and Hanson, right? You're all fakes run to your mansions come around. We'll kick your asses. You know what? Yeah, it's cringy and all that, but kind of a good song. It's a fucking earworm.

Yes. I dare you to turn it off if it's on, if it's on, if it comes. up on your radio or it's not going to happen now we're just doing our I was criticizing like his references now my vanilla sky would be fucking new radicals oh dude Fred Durst would feature

prominently in my vanilla sky oh exactly you know I'm walking down the street with my girl and it looks like the nooky album covers yes the new company sent you a hologram with the new radicals and they're going to be playing the song forever oh god

don't be late for the board meeting, by the way, it's with the seven dwarves, because you're kind of a I guess he's like a sleeping beauty or a snow white or whatever. Do they both sleep? Is there those two different things? No, they both sleep. When Snow White eats the poison apple from the witchy

into like a coma and they keep her in like a glass box like linen for some reason. Laying in state. I think I'm remembering. No, yeah, there is definitely like, you're completely right. The Red Army did a march procession

and now you can visit Snow White's tomb and see her body laying in state still. That's amazing. We'll find out this spring when we get to watch the excellent live action remake of that. I've been seeing the cardboard standees for that. File that

under who gives a shit. Oh, I think you meant the cardboard performance of Galgadoo as the witch. No, I could also be talking about the cardboard performance of Rachel Zegler as Snow White. It's just it's fucking X's all around with that. cast man sorry so but yeah he goes in and takes his hat up the secretary takes his hat off and it's like go in there and the board doesn't respect him and why would they because i mean if you know

acts like a boy exactly acts like a boy and like that's part again it's part of what the movie's trying to talk about but yeah in the moment you're like well yeah he acts like a child all the time like he's he's like hey guys how you doing right he's just too concerned with racquetball and using his balls on women and all this other shit. Having sex with Cameron Diaz, well. Yeah, which he doesn't like, but he'll still do four times a night.

You know, not bad, you know. Again, it's four times in one night. It's quite misleading, dude. Like, again, well, I know fuck buddies. Look, when four times a night is just your average, you don't notice it's different. You might say that your body makes a promise

after four times. Exactly. You just might say that. it's weird that you know considering yes i mean spoiler alert this is all you know eventually this becomes all a dream like uh it is funny that in a movie that's like more than 60% of it is a dream there is a flashback sequence right here because it's like something he says to the assistant about the board and it cuts to tom cruise like on this skateboard or whatever like some lady's like he's gonna inherit this all and look he's on a skateboard yeah it's pretty awesome And then this is like after that meeting, all these dudes, they kind of, they're not pleased that he's late.

They kind of don't say much or whatever. And we get this hard cut, boom, all of a sudden, David is in jail. He's got the mask on him. And here is Kurt Russell in this movie. Oh, fuck. Yes. This is a great Russell role. It is.

You don't see him in this mode much. No, no, no. It's dramatic. It's like good dad. I mean, obviously that's with the, which I like at the end when they really put a fine point on it that it's supposed to be like. kind of an Atticus Finch kind of a deal. Oh, yeah. Even with down to the glasses, dude, how cool is that?

I don't know, Goldie, what do you think? You think this would be good, you know? I mean, Tom Cruz is in it, and you know, that Robin Williams just met, he just won an Oscar for doing the becombed, you know, parental figure. Goodwill Hutton, that thing was great. You know, maybe I could, maybe this is my

goodwill Kurt, you know? I can tell I can tell somebody it's not their fault. I don't know. Hey, I can't. Dude, I, man, I want, You know, all respect to my father, but Kurt Russell, holy shit, wouldn't that be something? Wouldn't it, though? Trade up, dude. Pretty, you know, pretty rad.

I think also what's kind of interesting, because again, you know, apocryphal, it's from the IMDB, but supposedly, you know, Kurt Russell just accepted without reading the script. And I feel like part of it may have also been, you know, his longtime lady friend's daughter, Kate Hudson, having just worked with Cameron for almost famous, like yeah that was awesome like go go work with him you'd be a fool to turn down that follow up might also be the five million dollars that'll do it too i mean look you can say yes for multiple reasons i would do it for one and also we have a young michael shannon uh yeah oh dude playing a guy that looks like he should be chasing richard kimball like i don't know why it's a real chicago cop outfit they have him in for some reason He's a cop or whatever

or a jail security guard or corrections officer rather. But he looks very much like he's been like Kimbo! It's in the later moments that you really feel it. When they go to the L.E. There's a dream thing. Yeah, that's when I think they feel it.

You know, that's funny. I didn't think about that at all. And then when you said it, Steve, it all made perfect sense. And I feel like it's because Michael Shannon doesn't look like an NYPD cop. He could be seat. I would believe him as a Chicago

cop for whatever reason. I don't buy him as NYPD or whatever this is supposed to be. His face is a little Midwestern-esque right? Yeah, right. You know, honestly, in my dream world, the NYPD would be back in those light blue shirts. Get this black, fascist SWAT team outfits out. I agree.

Can we stop trying to look cool? Get your dumb fucking blue shirt on. Yeah. You know, get back to Candy Crush. Well, no, actually, the phone shows through the pocket of the blue. So you want to have Of course. Darker, a darker color.

And shove your white squad car up your ass. Give me back those two tones or that blue one. There was a blue one. The blue one was nice. What's wrong with looking like a death squad? Come on. Well, what's the problem? While we're on the topic, those triangle lights are pretty dumb, too.

Okay. So, you know, this is where we, you know, Kurt Russell, one of the first things he says in this scene is like, David, you've been charged with murder. and he screams back there is no murder so the intrigue sort of gets underway and we should say he's wearing a mask like this kind of cool

it's very animal especially with the hair he looks like he's about to do some anime like if he started doing gun kata in this mask the movie would not skip a beat well that's that's this period it's at this magnolia and fucking Mession Impossible 2

are all around the same time and he all he has that swoop the sharp swoop in all of them. This is just wild though because, and I didn't know that it was so close in year these two movies were so close in years releasing, but

I mentioned this to you guys on the group chat earlier today. Every time I see a picture of this mask, I think about the really bad George A. Romero movie Bruiser, which literally came out the year before this. It came out 2000, and it's the same it's a little different, like the eye holes aren't cut

open like they are for Tom Cruise. They're little like, they're like bigger than pinhole. holes, but they're a little, like, Doc kind of holes, but it's kind of the, it's a guy in a weird mask and he's, you know, it is that same, like it just goes around the hairline. It's very weird. I like it. I think it looks good in both versions, even though I did not see the Romero movie. I understand it's bad. I'm with, I'm with Jason Lee, though. I find this mask really unsettling. It is. I don't know. It really, it really unnerved me. Yeah, the thing is like, you know, if you want to think it's rejuvenating, you wear it around the house, you can't wear it out to

a bar on like a date you're trying to go on. Unless you're dating Golgo 13, you shouldn't be wearing this mask. It does look like the things we have now like the red light technology masks which is, yes, you keep those on in your house. You're not going out

to the dance club wearing your red light rejuvenation mask. Keep your like, you're wanting to stay young forever. Please keep it to yourself. I would really... No, no, we're going to do some op-eds about that and just talk about a that fucking guy

that guy needs to go in a lucid dream fucking take some sleeping pills pal who are you talking about Brian what's his name Chris this guy is a billion oh the blood weirdo yeah a rich guy that wants to live forever Ryan Jackson maybe

I'm blankin quick Cruz question because this is like a very much in a prestige moment for Tom Cruise where he would do one for them one for me like a lot of action but also would do like dramatic roles this is a dramatic role dramatic sci-fi role

I guess what's the last time he acted would we call American Made that Is that what that is? I did not see that That's a performance Yeah I mean it is

Isn't that just action mode though I mean it's less so It's more charm Like he is like Like there's a lot of chasing But like he's not doing that much gun play Yeah because I wouldn't The mummy's definitely not that

Jack Reacher's definitely not that Mission Impossibles are off the board maybe Rock of Ages because that's like he's singing he's singing in that one no no no no here's the did you see that movie

yes it's awful you did yes it's true I mean that's it's embarrassing I thought I thought we were saying what was the last time he actually acted and it's not bad

Tropic Thunder of Valky possibly Valky is like the last dramatic performance that is of like some esteem yes I would say

like yeah I kind I mean I love him in Tropic Thunder I think he's incredible in that movie. But, like, it, the last serious he was, was Valkyrie. There's collateral. But that collater was before, Valcary is, like, the most recent. You had shit, I mean, the year before Valkyry, you also had that movie that nobody cared for, that

Lions for Lambs that I think about it. I think that wound up being, no, you're right. It was the first, it was the first Tom Cruise movie to, like, not hit number one at the box office the first weekend. Like, it was a whole story about a terrible year. Because it was in a Tom Cruise movie. It was a fucking Robert Redford, Merrill Streep, and him doing political vignettes. It was like Robert Redford holding a newspaper being like, oh, jeez, you see the news about this war?

It was we were rushed. It was the real like four or five movies at once that rushed to be the first Afghanistan slash Iraq movie. And none of them, I really feel, hold up terribly well. No, they couldn't. Yeah, exactly. So around here, he gives, you get a little. 411 about the father and what I we talked about a lot of it already

his book remember but one thing I do love is it's they don't use the actual name but he basically says that one of the dad's greatest accomplishments was running TV guide yes yes that's pretty awesome the TV Digest is what they say yeah but it's like basic same idea yeah yeah Frank Kstands is collecting it either way

I think we cut to the party now which is his 33rd birthday party Johnny Glecki is definitely a scenes deleted kind of a guy like he's in like the outside of people's frames like three to four times like as is like nerdy assistant and never has like a real moment yeah i was wondering about that because this is that doth of time between rosan and big bang theory where it's like is this scenes deleted you could be totally right or is it also like i just need to put food on the table i'll play assistant number one well this is right around when suicide kings came out oh oh he's in suicide kings he is

he's one of the titular Suicide Kings. I'm sorry. Nasty. Oh, no. So we get the, yeah, the flashback to the birthday party. I love, dude, Tom Cruise running in.

Anybody needs some ice? And it's like, I don't know, man. It's your party. You're a billionaire. Why are you going out and getting bags of ice? I will say I do kind of like it, the cut, though, because it goes from this heavy duty, like,

you're on, you're on trial for murder. You have to tell me what you're on, all this stuff. And he's like, want to cool off a little bit? And like, let's have some fun. Thank you for bringing this up, Chris, because Kurt Russell's got this crazy fucking line about the five basic human emotions before we cut to the party. And they are this scan, these are the five emotions? Guilt, hate,

shame, revenge, and love. Revenge is it an emotion? No. All right, good. I thought the same thing. I was like, revenge is an emotion. So this little spiel It sounds like it should be taught at the health class in Donnie Darko Fear and love

Or is this like a Was he thinking of a Klingon Psychologist? Is that how this happened? Well, Honor's not on the list then, dude. That is fair. I mean, you know what fucking, it seems like Paramount Plus Store

and everything at the wall with the Star Trek franchise. Klingon psychologist, boom, go. I would love that. Klingon Frazier. Oh, yeah. dude yeah phrase talk instead of I'm listening I'm furious

yes we're sorry but we're actually canceling it in the middle of the first episode we're not even going to let this this cannot keep happening oh my father my father brought this chair into my house it is so dishonorable I cannot believe how dishonorable this chair is well I mean Eddie wanted to get into a fight with me so I beat him to death I squashed him into a little puddle Niles, what do you mean

We were not supposed to eat the dog This is the worst idea you've ever had Now sack Maybe I hear the blues are calling To sallid and scrambled Yes, yes You have to update those Why does nobody come to the coffee shop

After I killed everybody who worked here Adam Rage Another glass of Sherry Yeah, it was a girl named Sherry In his blood We're actually We're sitting shiva To get back to Vanilla Sky, I do think,

and again, I like this movie. It's just on the edge for me. I gave it two and a half on letterbox if that's what we're trying to quantify how we liked it. It's right down the middle. Not a bad movie. Could lean three, but it does know Cameron Crow at the very least, between this, Jeremy McGuire,

understands in the late, mid-90s, early aughts, Tom Cruise can't be a normal guy. If he's in a room, everyone is turning around. like, that guy's really fucking good, look. You know what I mean? Like, literally that's what this movie understands. That's what Jeremy McWire understands. This big party, like, just show. I mean, obviously, he's also a billionaire, but, like,

every, he's this magnetic dude that, like, has to be the center of attention. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And, I mean, in a way, I think this is his kind, to me, it's very similar to last action hero, him dealing with how he is perceived and how he is, like, the celebrity part of his life. And, like, I think it's a little bit more, this one's a little bit more, this one's a little

the ending bothers me but I think everything up to the ending is great but like it does it just sugarcoats it a little bit but I do think it at least is doing that like talking about how paranoid that makes you and how crazy it can make you

right right right the movie would have been better if we get to the roof and like the door bursts open and Tom Cruise turns around I think it's going to be Kurt Russell there but it's just Tom Noonan in a yellow rain Oh hell yeah

at the ripper yeah I'd fucking call tech support I just those are our last words Control off delete No get him out of here But here comes Jason Lee brings Oh excuse me

Excuse me here comes Seniors Spielbergo Oh of course To beat the band Dude that's how you know your report Even Steven Spielberg comes to your birthday party And goes happy birthday You son of a bitch

Yeah and apparently he's wearing like a hat That's for my like a minority report hat or something Oh you get it It'd be fun they went full devil's advocate and had Al Damado here, you know, just real Alphonse Domato. Wow. Man, Stephen said

son of a bitch. Yeah, he's about three red stripes in. He's really having a night. You know, now that I think about it, too, I've stood next to Steven Spielberg before when Tom Cruise. Wait, wait, wait, you didn't take the shot? No.

Because why would I assassinate? I don't know. What were you standing next to him for? Terrible place to assassinate him from also. What the, right next to him? What if you think? Like the assassination of the coward, Jesse James. Oh, I see. No, assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert.

There's more cameras than there were back then. Okay, so you were standing next to him. Yes. Now, just to say, where I used to work, both of those guys came through. I didn't get a chance to stand close to Cruz. We were on the other side of the room. But I stood right by Spielberg. and that dude is way short and in this movie when he's like

you son of a bitch and he hugs him he's clearly physically taller than Tom Cruise which again just keeps putting this dude's numbers down and I mean like in the next scene he's about to like make out with like Cameron Diaz

in that other room and he is like taller than her I don't even know what mech suit they put him in to make it's Gandh it's Gandhov technology it has to be they forgot to use it a few times I send you guys in the group text

the photo from the film a screenshot of my television where Kurt Russell is seated next to him Kurt Russell's 5-9 he is powering over him like he's three people I mean he might as well be Tom Noonin

to fucking Tom yeah oh wait Tom Newton think about like that would be so crazy you need three Tom Cruise's for one Tom Noon and it would be like Tom Cruise is fighting a giant like there's no way we should do measurements turn into Star Wars we should do measurements of Tom's

like that's how things should be measured by later on even he gets arrested there's you know the bug shot where they have your height he's listed like almost six feet like get the fuck out of here there's no way there's no way so yes at this

party Jason Lee comes in and he has brought Sophia Serrano Penelamy Cruz and she's wearing a very large coat which is very funny and like she's trying to find a place for it I think Tom Cruise's jokes I think we can get it to Madison Square Garden it should fit there kind of

it's a big it's not like Vin Diesel and triple X big but it's a big coat it's a big coat pretty big one they're doing some like hardcore I flirting right and just right in front of this guy poor guy poor Jason Lee yeah he's like oh I've ceased to exist I mean

if you're here I mean you got and also at this point you should know the deal I'm not I mean it might impress her to bring her to David Ames big birthday party you know what I mean But I'm not like I'm getting a couple Like I want to be six months into this relationship I wouldn't be fucking pot committed Oh you want to meet my friend David now? Sure

That's a great idea Absolutely We're just we're just like flirting Yeah like it's the old Seinfeld thing Let me ask you this Is there any Tampax in your house? Yes Like as soon as like hygiene products are on the premises

Then you can bring her around Your David friend Because then it's officially cheating And it's on her You know what I mean? That's right Now it's wrong. Now it's wrong. Okay. All those intricate plans, of course.

They're flirting. This is where we see, yes, the very weird John Coltrane hologram, which though I would put that on. I would enjoy that. It's weird as fuck. It's weird when she like puts her finger through it, like it and touches it. Like, that's kind of weird. You know what I'd put on instead is Darth Vader. Oh, definitely. We open your eyes, Eric. Eric, open your eyes. Yeah. No, you know, it's do the full-out Alec Guinness and now he's blue

and it's like fucking awesome. Oh, sure. He's just constantly bitching about you have to go to Dagaba, you know? Oh, I don't know, David. You fucked her four times that night. That's pretty much seals the deal. I think you do.

Oh, her an invite to your birthday buddy from a certain point of view. I've started to see little shards of madness in your eyes since you've started to become obsessed with Star Wars. All right, turn it off. Obsessed with pop culture. Obsessed with Billy Wilder movies.

Obsessed with Bob Dylan. Bob, you have the Peter Frampton Broken Guitar we're looking at here. Joe D.Mitchell's paintings in a couple of minutes. Right next to the Monet. Was it Frampton? Wasn't it? Was it Frampton? I thought it was, what's his name? Townsend. Oh, it's Townsend.

Sorry, yes, that's right. Oh, don't look at that guy's search history. No, no, no, no. Even that was for research. For a book. Just for a book. Speaking of crazy eyes, though, Timothy Spall right here wasted is this lawyer? I have become incompetent, oh, he's fucking blasted. Apparently, because apparently he got fired by the seven dwarfs, and he's like,

but they're after you, David. They know how to get to you, and they're going to get to you bad. Oh, well, you know, I'm also paranoid and delusional. Hire that man back immediately. Yeah, with a 50% raise, dude. Wow. Nice. That's pretty wild for getting wasted.

That's never happened to me The opposite Yeah, that's usually how it goes You'd have more money than that fucking South African piece of shit that runs our country right now Just between me and you know Mike Lee's a son of a bitch

He just He will scream your head off If you don't hit your mark He pushes me around David I'm so tired of these secrets and lies I begged him I begged him

to let me be in topsy-turvy for a second role. And around here we get the stalker scene. She's staring a hole in me, isn't she? Oh, I think she's the saddest girl to ever hold a martini. Oh, yes.

Because he meets up with Cameron Diaz first, kind of like, what are you doing here? I didn't invite you, Julie. Yes. She's got a crestfallen, but she's like playing it off, like, L.O.L. Flirty fun. Don't worry about it.

Did you say, I didn't invite you, Julie, or I didn't invite Julie. Anyway. But she's like, yeah, I'm about to leave. And then, like, yes, he goes down to Pinatelope Cruz again. And she's like, burned a hole in his back. And it is just sort of like, it makes him such a scumbag because the comparative hitting on is just sort of like now I'm not only am I going to, not only did I not invite this woman that I fucked four times like 19 hours ago to my party. I'm going to use her as a springboard

to my next sexual conquest. Exactly. On to the next one, dude. On to the next mountain. Yeah, God, it's a scumbag move. Also, a scumbag move is taking this girl upstairs to show her your real Monet. Oh, look at that. Check out that vanilla sky.

Your real Monet in your, what I believe he calls extra apartment. Uh-huh. He's like, I'm this extra apartment upstairs. Let's go to that. Man, that is with Manhattan real estate, that's some wealth right there. My mother's.

Monet. So just so you know this stuff goes back. This is real well. This is the real shit. It's Monet and two paintings by Joni Mitchell, he says, too. Well, it's great because, oh, look, it's a Monet. It just starts grabbing at this Monet. He's like, look behind here. I'm like, Jesus Christ, dude,

put some gloves on. Oh, yeah, no, last week, I've had a buddy of mine over Jason Lee. Have you met him? Oh, right, you came to my party with him. Yeah, he was wasted. He sneezed. He sneezed. all over this painting and I just wiped it off

with a napkin it's fine I'll buy another one I love the red in that oh no that's salsa sorry that was uh that was I had a wild night a couple nights ago

drank too much and just brought the testitos right to bed with me speaking of drinking too much Jason Lee comes up to the secret apartment that he wasn't invited to and he's like

oh I see what's going on and like and Tom Cruise like they diffuse him and he's like this is where he's the salarated is good as that's a sweet, et cetera, and he walks away. And then Tom Cruise,

she's like, I feel it's so bad that I should say something. No, no, he's working on a novel about rejection. It'll work out for him, like, you're a pieceish. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I'm helping him. Don't worry about it. I'm helping him. No, it's good. It's good for him. You can tell that this, you know, is quite possibly also part of the fictitious world

created by one person's preferences. Because Jason Lee's like, hey, everybody. How about a round of Jack and Coke served in this Tumblr glass. Oh, no thank you. Sounds disgusting. But the splice didn't happen yet, right?

So is this? No, it's real. What's happening now is happening now? What's happening now, which means there are three human beings in a room that all agreed to drink fucking Jack and Coke at 30 years old. A billionaire. Like, you've got good

whiskey in your house, I guarantee. Is this your first drink ever? What is happening? Oh, no, don't give him an edible. Oh, God. give him out. He'll be able to sleep immediately. But yeah, he makes this big deal. Jason Lee makes this big deal

like, all right now, Tom Cruise, I'm going home. Aren't I such a great guy? You'll never know the pain of the guy who goes home alone, because now I'm just giving you my girlfriend, I guess. Yeah, like, just, again, like, why isn't she saying, like,

this is kind of fucked up that you're talking about me like this? Yeah, they just met, but it's just such a crazy move to swoop in there. And then Tom Cruise like goes to her house like this is. Well he gives her a ride home which is dangerous after all

those delicious jack and codes. That is dangerous to be driving and it's also dangerous like you can't invite this guy up you can't do that. We also see like we're cutting back to Cameron Diaz at the party she's like talking to Jason Lee for a little bit. You know what I mean? Flirting who knows. This is the question mark.

Pumping a waiter at one point. Yes. That is the funniest thing. She's like trying to dance with this guy and the guy's holding a tray of martinis. You've done a great job of balancing this. Somebody save me here. Somebody take one of these fucking things. My arm's killing me.

So, yes, we go to Julia's apartment. This massive loft in Dumbo, which like in 2000, you're probably not leaving your rich guy car out on the street overnight. Probably not. Just put that out there. Private lot.

You can afford it. Well, it's not even a rich guy car. It's literally got the fucking horse. horse on the side of it. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's got a side decal. Yeah, it's like a Porsche, right? It's a Porsche. But not all Porsche is, I think, have this yellow fucking Superman shit with a horse on.

It depends on the model probably. Like Ferrari also gets ridiculous with that shit. But you don't want people to know that it's Of course you want people to know. You rub it in their faces. What's the point of having a Honda if you can't show it off? Penel. Cameron Diaz drives up

and also a fucking luxurious like muscle car from the 70s or something? I mean, she does look like she's in fast and furious like for that moment. She's got to run for Torretto.

We have the long night, the meet cute night where we're just falling in love and you know. I like your life, which is a great. Him say like, he says it like Tom Cruise

and it's charming, but the way I just said it, I like your life is also real like scuzzle. You can deliver that scuzzle. Oh yeah. And it'll put fucking names. hair on your neck up, absolutely. Also, right here we get, she's like, oh, would you like something to drink?

He's like, yeah, sure. Rolling Rock beer right in front of the camera. Nice. You wanted to know. Some La Trobe, Pennsylvania's finest. I love that stuff. Better that than fucking, what's the, what's the fucking shit ass? Enochin.

No, the other Pennsylvania brand. Oh, yeah, Yingling. Yeah, yeah. I'll just fucking suck a skunk's asshole instead. How about that? I actually like sucking a skunk's asshole. That's why I liked Bex beers until they stopped bringing it into this country. Bex is good.

I like Bex's. So they do these boardwalk caricatures of each other. And of course, Tom Cruise is a dip shit. He's like, yeah, draw something stupid. And it's like, yeah, here's you stupid. Oh, yeah. Well, mine is just you looking sexy and beautiful because I think that's what you are. I mean, where do they both go to art school?

When did this happen? Like, they're both amazing artists. I mean, no, he is very clearly. like this, this is a move. This is, oh, yes, of course. Very clearly a move. Like, he was like, oh, no, we're just doing play drawings. And, of course, he's been, like, taught by the masters.

Well, this is actually exactly how, what do you call it there? Groundhouse came to be. Quinn Tarantino and Rob Rodriguez, like, hey, we'll both make shitty grindhouse movies that are just, like, real genre flicks and, like, really silly, like almost pastiche cartoon movies. Great idea. And they both come back. And Rob Rodriguez did the assignment.

Like, here's this cartoon thing. Oh, no, here's this beautiful. Here's this movie about that is just like kind of a feminist, whatever. I love death proof. It's another time. I do too. I think it's one of his best movies. It is.

It is a minority. No, it absolutely is. It's an understeen movie. It's great. It's not the assignment that they both agreed to do. Well, it's a car movie. I was trying to do like a vanishing point type of thing. I get what you're saying, but I also don't because I feel like Robert Rodriguez's

leans a little to 80s sci-fi VHS rental for the assignment as well. Fair point. Fair point. I mean, but that's also the other two points is that it is already. Like, you get the two sides of the thing, baby. In between the drawing and the, the, um, rolling rock, there's a quick thing, just like back to Kurt Russell or whatever. And, uh, they're sort of taught, this is, this is where he's basically explaining, like,

his negging process to Kurt Russell and Kurt Russell's, like, uh, wow, that sounds shitty, but also like, boy, I, like, it's something about, like, he regrets. not playing the field more or whatever and Tom Cruise is like oh don't get all sad for the 30 seconds that you were single doc like thinking like he's got this dude pegged or whatever he's got two dirgers

that he's going to go to Appleby's with or whatever. Black Angus Black Angus. Yeah no he doesn't even get to go. A Wednesday night standing reservation for Kurt Russell at Black Angus please take me with you. I'll meet your lovely daughters. I am I was imagining.

Kurt Russell been like, well, I mean, this week's potato of the week is mushrooms and brown butter. I got to get on that. It sounds like a delightful evening out. I think I had. And you know what? If I was Tom Cruise, I would also take whatever the, the shittiest steak in the world versus whatever you're eating in Michael Shannon's shit house.

That's a fit. Welcome to Michael Shannon's shit house. I take your order. Hip, hip. Would you like the fried onion rings before you ask yes. They're shitty. Catch of the day is diarrhea. Welcome to the shit house.

You'll never leave. Welcome to the shit house. Ironically, our bathrooms are pristine. Oh, yeah. You want our super duper hamburger? Yeah, it's called the, I guess I was in Man o' Steel question. Oh, you want the salad.

That's mostly steak, you know. You're eating. It's late. There's a storm. Oh, that's last call. That's what they play. in his last call. No, it's from Take Shouts.

It's a wonderful movie. But yeah, the drawing part, because I feel like this was one of the bigger, I think, because this may have also been on the trailer, but this is Peter Gabriel, Southbury Hill. Oh, that's what made me.

I mean, and maybe it was because that song was ruined after this, or, you know what I mean? It might be one of those things. Because the, that I know exactly what you're talking about, and Chelsea and I were talking about it.

that fake shining trailer used it. Exactly. That came out when we were in college. So it's after this movie and like we must have all watched that thing five million times apiece. It's still a good song, though. I do. I love that. And I feel the same way about In Your Eyes. In Your Eyes is a great song. And I've heard it a hundred bazillion times and say anything.

You get some of his precision flirtitude here though because she's like, like, oh, the picture. you gave me he was really nice where he goes oh yeah I'll sell it to you and she's like oh how much

he goes one kiss I was like you smooth fuck you smooth fuck oh I almost I almost fucking tried to kiss

the television honestly well he's got an intricate system you know and he has he's really

into pleasure delay that's oh my god yes you're a pleasure delay and also he realized

the first time in his life they leave you know what I mean like they kiss they kiss

and It's very romantic But for the first time of his life He spent the evening with a woman Didn't even get a hand job And he's like Wow, this is something This is

So that's what it's like, huh? Oh my God She must have drugged me I don't understand And I don't I don't hate her Oh wow This is new feeling Oh yeah

I mean that's the thing With this pleasure delay He's like edging Already you know what I mean So when he pushes the relationship To the breaking point Oh you know what And maybe that's the point

If he nuts before he leaves, maybe he doesn't get in the car. Maybe he's still kind of like, you know what I mean? A little crazy. If he's in there come drunk, yeah. He's edging being a human. He's like, he almost is doing it and just like getting as close as he can and then stopping. Well, you know, everybody's had one of those nights, right? Because before he leaves the house, like before that night is over with, important detail,

they're watching the infomercial for the life extension business. the first introduction to life extension in the movie. Benny. Benny the dog. Raymond Toole. Life, the sequel. Yeah, froze Benny the dog for three months. We're talking about freeze and heads, Walt Disney, all that shit. But it's so it's

like, oh, so I guess that's what happens when you don't sleep with a girl. You stay up all night watching weird unsettling infomercial. And you call her wonderful things like semi-guiless. That's just something. Then you call her when you see any reference to it. So if like the Ronco said it and forget it

of Vince came on TV you'd call her and be like I was just thinking about the Ronco commercial we saw well actually you know what I'm thinking that we might be actually all in uh Walt together now we all all

and together to get out no we all might all be in Walt Disney's cryostasis dream right this second you know what I mean things are that's why politics are changing this way it's entirely possible

that's why the Nauts is your back because we're in Walt Disney's dream right now. That's right. Yeah, it turns out that guy was a fucking monster. But yeah, so you leave Sophia. Julie Gianni pulls up in her also sports car. Julie, you're following me.

Like him trying as hard as he can not to like scream, go fuck yourself. Or scream in general. This is terrifying. And again, this woman is five inches taller than you. He can beat the shit out of you, Tom Cruise. And you know it's true. Get in your Porsche and drive away.

yes yes big time now here's a question though like i guess what what this part right here is sort of insinuating is like when a person um has been like edging the night away such as they did right uh and you don't drain them balls you have a different gate when you walk because her line to him when after he's yes you're following me she's like i can tell you didn't have sex with her last night by the way you're walking i was like what the fuck does that well she's got cameras of course and like she's got her own sliver set up and like clearly knows what it looks like after she's done doing her

due diligence. I'm not getting in the car with this person. You know what I mean? Like this is a dangerous person that I if you want to meet me for coffee and I'll be the nice guy and finally let you down easy you know what I mean? I'll do that whatever I'm not getting behind the wheel of a fucking automobile in New York City

A because it's unnecessary. You're a reasonable person. You're acting logically I mean the whole point of this character is that he doesn't do that. He didn't get to drain his balls so therefore here's an option to drain your balls and it's if yes this person is crazy clearly and is stalking

you clearly but still she is offering to do it and because you can only deal with people who are looking at you and obsessing over you all the time you have to go with her you have to do it to Steve's point of congestion pricing was already in effect maybe they would just show

up and take the train it is possible I'm not I don't want to undersell that and then you're saying like David would be one of those guys that bitched and moaned about congestion pricing but he's fucking rich and $9 doesn't matter to him. Exactly. One of those real cool fools.

Well, like the entire upper upper sides if you know what I'm saying, both sides. It's ridiculous. Fund the MTA already. My fucking God, every single way to do it you oppose. Did you see what happened though? There was a study, like a report came out

that already like ridership is up on public transportation crime and the subway is down. All this money is coming. like folks like just get fucking real all right get real well you know what you you should thank eric adams for that you know

his leadership has led to this the best way to thank him is with Turkish money so just any anyway that's what he likes that's what he likes he loves it turkey dollars or whatever their currency is called he gobbles him up yeah

uh so they are you know I guess she's like driving back to his place because we're driving up Riverside Drive we're you know back on the Upper West side of Manhattan. And we're just getting going. She has already kind of pissed him off a little bit before he even got in the car because she was like kind of

like being shit about Sophia and everything like that. And he was getting pissed about that. He's called, she's calling her a moth because she's like so small and whatever. Yeah, did she turn into a butterfly for you? Right, right, right. And this is where you get that. I can tell that you didn't sleep with her from the way you're walking because once you fucking

jam it enough, you look like, you walk like John Wayne in the morning. And I'd be like, Julie, you're only comparing me to how I walked after I had sex four times that night and I could barely walk. That was that was me crawling to the fucking fridge to get water. When you haven't fucked I see your balls from the

outside. They round out in your pants you can see it from the out. That's true that you need to drain them so I don't see them all the time. So he gets in the car with her. She's playing her music. I love his helmet. I'm going to give you a ride I'm going to give you a ride and play my CD and yes Eric I cut you off but he says her music

is vivid, which is not a compliment about something to be. It's fine. It just sounds like the worst whole song you've ever heard. And I guess this was Nancy What's Her Face from Heart? Who Cameron, who Cameron Cruz married to was like doing this. Like Cameron Diaz

is singing it, but like there's a bunch of like vocals underneath it. That's Nancy Wilson and Nancy Wilson produces. Apparently also like Nancy Wilson did the score for this and everything. this score like it's not been like released anywhere which is kind of weird like you can't get her her music that she wrote for this pretty good i like all the music in this i think they are i think they're divorced uh a couple years ago uh so they get into i guess she saw aloha and said a loha which also means goodbye she's how could you cast emma stone Cameron come on

she's she's getting a little annoyed here she's letting it out that she does indeed love him Why did you tell Brian I was your fuck buddy Yes and he's like Mental note kill Brian And it's like yeah but The you know

Your body you made promises to me And he's like I never made promises To you your body made promises to me When you have sex four times that's a promise When I swallowed your cum That has to mean something All right now That's when you tuck and roll out of the car

pal Take whatever you, take whatever is coming to you, dude. It's got to be better. Catch me in New York City, and you just fucking try that. Look, you have a view of what's coming the other way. You just wait for there to be a big gap, and you tuck and roll. Well, look, you're on Riverside Drive. Eventually, you're going to hit a light, like just.

Yeah, jump up. Oh, I guess you could go through the light. That's a loophole. Yeah, yeah, she might. Damn it. So cut to December of 2001. I am working at the Multiflex. This movie is out.

it's like a Tuesday like it wasn't like a busy weekend night so it was like a Tuesday night the late show and I'm doing what we called theater checks which we don't really do anymore but it's when the person the usher would go down with the flashlight and you check

the exits and you make sure the projectors and focus and all that shit and I'm walking in I'll never forget theater five of our since torn down multiplex that we came up in doing the theater check there's two people in the theater and they're kind of like middle way down, middle of the row, like just dead center.

So I walked down and as I'm like approaching behind them, I can see it's like an older woman and then like what appears to be like a daughter maybe, older woman, younger woman. And this scene is on. Like it's starting right as I get there and I'm walking down and she's speeding up the car and she starts leaning into the speech or whatever. And I'm coming around the other side of the theater now. I walk in front and around and I'm coming back. up the aisle and the eye swallowed your cum that has to mean something line happens and I look

over and this older woman gives this younger woman just a fucking death stare and then this girl this girl is just looking straight ahead like oh my god I'm seeing a movie with my mama we're talking about swallowing cum and to just watch yeah this like this shared awkwardness that I had nothing to do with was awesome that's it was the coolest thing but mom get off your high Horace, not like you haven't swallowed cum, please. Sure. You know what she's at least even by accident, you know? We've all swallowed cum.

Get out, come on. Relax. I shouldn't, I shouldn't trust you. You took me to that movie happiness just because I liked the title. Well, that sounds like a good time at the movies. It looked like I would have a happy time. And then what did I get? Come postcards.

And now another come movie. What other cum movie? movie you're going to take me to next every movie you take me to has come in it let's rent a good wholesome movie this american pie this a beautiful film american pie freddie got fingered there's fucking a lot calm in that like dude the early aughts was just the time for come on screen we were come drunk yeah 40 days and 40 nights isn't that what jesus did scary movies full of calm there's talk there's come everywhere there's a huge blowing loads joking scary movies

I forgot about that. Oh, man, that one is rough. So she drives the car off a bridge. Yes, do you believe in God? This thing, this car gets smushed. It's a great, it's a great stunt. It's a great crash. Really good. Yeah, because it's, it's not just you're driving off this little, like, Riverside Drive bridge. It drives off a bridge. It hits a wall before it hits the ground. Yeah. That is a wild car accident. And I don't see seatbelts of this muscle car either. He's just, like, swimming in this thing. Torretto style, baby He gets, we discover that Not only is his face deforms, we'll talk about

Also, his arm is, which we actually never see the arm Like, but it's kind of like a dead, he's got like a dead arm at this point Little dead arm situation Little Dole-esque I assume Put a pen in there Dude Tom Cruise just walk around with a little bick pan In his hand the rest of the movie We didn't even notice it. He was doing a Bob Dole the whole time

But literally, Eric said this It's also in my notes. He still looks handsome when he's defrauded. He looks great. He looks fucking funny. It's like you look like Tom Cruise. You get into a car accident. Now you look like Josh Brolin.

You're fine. You're fine. Look, I think he would do good. I don't buy Steve's. He could clean up at any bar in Manhattan. I don't buy that. He could. He's a rich guy.

No. Here's the thing. Two people are approaching an attractive lady. Me and deformed to Tom Cruise. Who's walking away? Keep in mind for folks at home, if you have not seen this movie, you may have seen the second Punisher movie where Dominic West turns into jigsaw after falling into a glass recycling unit. That's what Tom Cruise looks like. It's a handsomer version of that.

It just happened. You're trying to clean up the fucking first weekend. You're out of surgery. Relax for a second. It'll adjust. It'll be fine. He discovers how to read. it. He reads, and this is very Jeremy

McGuire, I read everything. You know what I mean? Like, I did, uh, changed my life. You know what I mean? He starts changing into a better executive. He's doing Zoom calls. Yes. The return of Citizen Dildo, the return of Citizen Dildo, because the board calls him a Citizen Dildo, which I think is very funny. Oh, I like Citizen Dildo, it's a fucking

classy nickname, dude. It is. So he's like getting better at work, but he's avoiding all of his friends, avoiding everyone. We also should say also, he was in a coma for three and a half weeks and that's why his face is fucked up because they couldn't do reconstructive surgery when he was in the coma. They just had to

let his face heal and so it healed without that he is doing eventually like he's kind of doctor-stranging. It's like what about this new experimental procedure I read about? I love the moment when he's talking to the whatever the team

there and they show him the mask and they're like well actually you know, it deflects UV rays, it does this, and it actually heals a little bit on a very slow scale, blah, blah. The delivery of like, oh, that's great, because I thought we were talking about a fucking mask. Yeah, it's a fucking mask.

I had to do it twice. It's, he gets to, like, a 14 on the Tom Cruise scale, which is a very rare for him. I think a foot comes off the ground. He lifts a leg for some reason while he's yelling. This is amazing because this is also, like, that epitome of clueless, ultra-rich

douchebag, right? This medical professional, high-up medical professional because Tom Cruise is going to him in the first place, the dude's got a fucking dais of other doctors to weigh in and help him. And he's explaining like, look,

you know, we're doing our best. We've done everything that we can do on you. He's like, experiment. And he's the guys like, play jazz. Yes, that's the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just this is the, it's the clueless rich guy. just invent something play jazz like just invent something like just make a thing up out of fucking

thin air you know what i got it it's so perfect in that way and this is where he starts watching benny the dog on conan yes coat oh right he does this these swingers esk phone calls yes like dude come up this is terrible man it's just so funny oh oh god you just the benny is up that he's probably even he's probably leaving hair all over that couch you know he says well no the order of operations is first he finally works up the courage to go see penelope crews at her dance studio right and that's freaks her out but she's like oh hey cool it's you and she's like you know i tried to see you but no one would let me and he's like no i didn't want to be seen by anybody but now i'm out he's like making kind of like awkward jokes about his appearance you won't

believe this but this is me smiling yeah it's really off-putting but he As then he goes home and does the crazy phone calls Which is so much worse because he asked her out on a date He's like, yeah, we can, we'll get together. And then yes, he goes home, fucking Fabro style And blows up her messaging machine like, Oh, our old friend Benny, you'd never want to be the guy That is like, hey, remember that joke we had eight months ago?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because that is like the bad one It's a real signifier of like that joke from eight months ago turns out bad news it's the only thing we have you know that's the only thing we share between us and that's why I'm bringing it up because it was literally the only thing I associate with you as a fucking dog from eight months ago

no I know I know it's getting a little crazy and this is like probably my number 20 maybe 22 but my Gristetti's delivery man just came and brought me some rolling rock and I just was remembering how you gave me one that one time I was over at your apartment and we talked about Jeff Buckley for five minutes And isn't that funny?

There really is something so satisfying to me because this is also in a Seinfeld episode that I think is just called The Message. Like, I love watching people tank leaving a message like in movies and just a total. And frankly, sometimes there's a couple of those with listener requests months. Just someone biffs it.

You know, we've all been there. But I just, I love listening to someone biff a fucking voice fail. I don't know why it's just, very funny. Because it's, I mean, a voicemail shouldn't have, I mean, obviously, the listen request, but it's a little different, but voicemails now, it should just be a call me back. That's all, I think that's all, the only thing that I've ever said.

But I'll always do the, like, not a huge emergency, just check it in, buddy, talk to you soon, call me back. That has to be the specification. First and foremost, Steve, up front, do not bury that lead. Yes, I'm leaving you a voicemail, but don't worry, nobody's dead, call me back. Because people are unstable messes.

And immediately, if they don't immediately hear back from you, they're immediately going to be like, well, oh, I must have said something wrong. Oh, well, that they must have heard and heard this. Guess what? I must have said that word a little weirdly. That must have done it. If you ever thought you said something wrong, you did. Yeah, everyone out there know that.

By the way, so he biffs that phone call, then he biffs this fucking date. They go out to this bar with Jason Lee, and he's like, take the fucking mask off. It's freaking me out. No one asked you to chaperone. Sophia asked me. Ooh, brutal. And he also lets it slip, like, you blah, blah, blah. you've been obsessing about this woman

you met once, which is true. And he's like, did she say that? He's like, yeah, kind of sword. I was like, yeah, no, she definitely said it. How else would you describe it? Yeah, exactly. You met it once. What's the other option? Yeah. And it's like,

oh, it's just so many, so many devastating lines like Jason Lee's like, you could talk to a shrink or you could even call me instead of hiding in your apartment all the time. You know what else you can do, though, Eric, is you can take the mask off and go hang out with Warren from there's something about Mary I'm incorrect

sexy Warren from there's something about Mary sorry Mary because he's wearing a tight black t-shirt and the ball chain necklace like the hair is slick back it's darker than normal he's dude W. Earl Brown's looking pretty good in this movie he's great I mean he was

in he was due Deadwood at this time I assume so that was probably in 2000 Deadwood was on the air wasn't it still there I feel like no Deadwood was later no it was later we're in college in 2003 2004 probably I swore it was really oh what

I don't know 2004 to 2006 damn so he's still he's still running off something about Mary powers this was the audition so he goes up to the bar and he's gonna give me a

whatever tequila you got there what kind of tequila patron that that'll do is a patron if you got it a shot at a bud ask it to my face bitch yes because he's Don't look at little browns doing the thing

where I'm not looking at this guy in the eyes because he's got a deformed face. And you know, dude, come on. So do you, pal. Which, you know, I have to say, like that is what is happening in this movie. But if anyone, like, you know, meet and greets or whatever, if you ever

noticed me, like, if we're talking and I turn my head away, it's not because I don't want to look you in the eye when we're speaking. It's because I'm hard of hearing and when I turn my head, I can just hear you better. Like I get so paranoid about that when we do meet and greets Because I like really want to hear from people We're talking and having cool conversations

And I'm like tilting my head And it's like I promise I'm not trying to make eyes at Steve Sade Act So you're saying literally can't hear you I promise it's not your deformed face That's right It's my deformed ears I promise it's not your W. Earl Brown looking face If you can't hear what they're saying next time

Just say you'll tell me again in another life And we're both cats That's the move But too late because Tom Cruise is becoming fast friends with W. Earl Brown. They're like having a great time just doing these shots together. Like multiple shots. I was like, dude, but like this guy's on the

clock, man. Or other you know, patrons getting served. He's just pounding the shots with this guy. That Tom Cruise still has it. Go out there. Make some friends who keeps your shit that, wow. Oh my God. One girl out of a billion turned you down. Boo-hoo. I got to go into cryostasis.

But it was my dream girl, Eric. I'm a big dream girl. Bring W. Earl Brown back to your house. Get a rack of fucking a bush that you love so much. Put on the Jeff Buckley and have a good night. You can swallow your cubs. Or he could swallow your crumb also. Yeah, you know, we can go back to my place to watch a movie or suck each other's dicks.

I don't know. Whatever you want, W. Earl Brown, I, you know, I don't know. I'm not picky. Biggest asshole moment of the movie right here. when he doesn't acknowledge his own cousin no but that is funny David right before that though uses the bathroom

and that dude's like dude fix your fucking face like man that's awful I wanted him to go after that guy and instead what happens and this is some good Tom Cruise acting right here he starts laughing like ha ha yeah fuck you buddy yeah and it turns like maniacal and then quickly into like now I'm kind of crying

about it like all in the span of like seven seconds I was like to think that the fight scene from Mission of Possible Fallout is him putting out a dream version of what he would have done in this scenario Yes, totally beating the shit out of this person. He cocks, knuckles

and goes for it. The pumpins. But yeah, this is talking to, what does it, Ethan? Thomas Maythapur or whatever? William. William Maypother. I believe he played a guy named Ethan on the show Lost, but yes, William Maypother because Tom Cruise, indeed.

Thomas Maypalder the third. Yes, I've got a brief story. There is a, when I was making student films back in the day, I actually cast one of Tom Cruise's cousins, a female Mopather from I think she was in Swin Fan, some small roles, obviously just

because I looked her up and I was like, okay, yeah, obviously. And she probably read the script and was like, no, no, no. But she said she couldn't do the shoot anymore because she, like, Tom was having a party or something. Oh, wow.

Ooh. Yeah. I mean, who are you, you know. Sorry, I can't do your student film because actually my cousins having a party. And I think there's going to be a hologram there. And Steven Spielberg's going to be there. I don't have a begrudger at all. Have you ever been to a Tom Cruise party?

He pays five months rent as a gift bag. Man, I got to figure out how the four of us can do a nice thing for Tom Cruise. so we get on that Christmas cake list, the coconut cream cake list. Do you guys not know what I'm talking? I have no idea. So is this the common cum thing? No.

No. God damn it. I forgot. Just once I'm talking about a fucking actual cake, man. You mentioned a cake. That's, it's going to be happening. There could be seeming it. But go ahead.

He does a thing where when he does movies with people, you know, he accumulates this massive list of people that he's worked with and, you know, movies and whatever other venues. And every year around the holidays, you get what is supposed to be like this magnificent bakery in Los Angeles or wherever it is. And it's just this like coconut cream cake that's supposed to be like the best cake ever. And you get this thing that's like, it's kind of funny because the card just says the same

thing. Obviously, you know, every year or two. But it's like whatever. Like happy holidays. Warmest regards. For the new year. Warmest regards, Tom Cruise. Like if you get on the cake list, you stay on the cake list.

I want that cake. He's a class act. If you get on the suppressive person's list, you stay on the suppressive person's list. I'm going to take that shot. I want that cake. I think he's cross-referencing that he goes to his secretary. He's like, look, this doesn't be what I worked with.

Unless they're SPs. If they're SPs, I don't want them on there. The SPs, they get the poison coconut cream. That's what they get the bad one. The thing is, I'm no hero. I'm not standing the way of your churches, okay? Oh, no, you, that was the list of people to be human-trafficked, You've been trafficked on my boots.

What are you doing, secretary? Wait, the miscavages got some of the poison coconut cream. No! Oh, yeah, just due to a clerical error, all of Scientology is brought to its knees. No. But so, yeah, so it doesn't go well at this thing. Like, basically, this is what she does say, like,

because he's like, I wanted to tell you something. She's like, why don't you tell me when we are in another life, when we're both cats, leave me alone. You're very scary. That's hilarious. It's hilarious to say. that. I'm going to follow you home drunkenly. I wouldn't call

you and leave you five messages because that's the kind of thing you do. What we're both cats? It's amazing. It's so great. I'm going to freeze myself. I'm going to die and freeze myself. That's what I'm going to do right now. If I had that option

in my 20s, that would have happened like every third weekend. It's like, you know what? That's time. It's crippled by overdraft fees again. Time for the cryostasis. Oh, and that girl still doesn't like me. Time to go in the cryostasis.

This was a tease. The Eternal Sunshine Machine was the tease. You just be using them every day. Right. He wakes up in the gutter. She's there because it's outside her place. Open your eyes. This is where the splice occurred. So everything after this is false.

And if you're watching it as follows. The sky gets very vanilla-e here behind her. Like, it's very unreal. like for a hot second it is yeah it's pretty obvious and yeah then like she's like you know I was thinking about it and I actually really like you a lot

I'm actually not scared of you I thought about it last night oh that's great sleeping in the gutter outside of my apartment with your creepy mask has now warmed to my heart no I'm not a hologram cheap ploy for sympathy and it works

and I love you you know he's again this is narration. He's again talking back to Kurt Russell and he's like, you know, we created our own world together. We get this montage with them like spending time together. You know, and she says,

I wish you didn't get in that car with that girl. You know, we go back to jail and he's been like obsessively sketching Sophia at this point. There's just like Penelope Cruz doodles like all over this table. He's like, do you ever draw anything else? It'd be cool. I was like, well,

I did Batman. And he's like, oh, I did Batman. That is the Batman scene from the Belvedere This is This is just more Sophia Sophia Batman Sophia's Batman Sophia having sex with Batman

See I'm Batman in this scenario Because of my face I like to wear a mask You understand? Yes Dude that's what you do by the way You don't wear a creepy bruiser mask Like you know

No detail on it You wear a Batman cowl around And everybody just thinks you're Josh You know Look at that guy he's having fun in that scene when they suggest the mask he goes well Halloween is now covered

what about the other 364 days also pretty great line there yeah but they're basically and also like around here those same guys like you know what I misspoke we actually have a perfect cure for your face and here it is and like basically

he goes for that surgery Pomeranz baby what if God was one of us just fucked up on medicine being wheeled in and singing. He's actually got a pretty good voice. Isn't he great? He's a great guy.

This guy rocks. Trying to make his way home. Even the orderlies love him. Everyone loves you, David. He's a hit. Now just imagine he's doing all that. He's going into surgery, but he's got a Batman cowl off. That guy knows how to have fun.

But you know what? He does. He goes into surgery and he has this whole surgery happen. And he gets another mask. He gets a purple mask, which I think is superior. But also, but he doesn't want to take it off because guys his Mustang isn't ready.

Yes. You know what? This is a problem for a lot of men in this country. Yes, it is. You want to do this and you want to get, you want to be done with that important surgery you had to get done with, and you don't have any debt from and you want to get going, but you just

you got to wait for your Mustang to be back from the shop. And then, well, yeah, of course. you'll do it. Then you will do the last part of it. It's like your it's like you're blankie. You know, it's exactly. Of course. Yes. Well, I mean, he's he's of course like nervous that it didn't work, right? That's the whole thing. Because

there is a scene with Kurt Russell that sort of dropped in right here where he's like, David, they fixed your face. I promise you if you take this mask off like you look fine or whatever. Also in that scene there's a really nice line that I think like rings true. Kurt Russell's character is saying it

in the um you know with with the idea of like he's referencing like when he had kids but i think it applies to like when you just age as a person because he's like oh you know when i was younger my favorite beetle was john lennon yeah and now that i'm older and i have a family or whatever my favorite beetle is paul and i i really kind of think there's something to that and then the line is made even more true because then the left field billionaire guy is like my guy was always george like i just i love that little exchange with them I mean, it's another version of the weirdo, Kurt Russell, like, there's revenge, love. There's four, there's four emotions.

There's four versions of people. That's it. Fab four, yes. Also, apparently he lives in the Dakota where John Lennon got pew-pued at. So that's another reference. And where Rosemary's baby was born. Oh, beautiful child. Nexus of Evil.

But, yeah, the plastic or the purple. thing or whatever is the recovery mask and yes he's making all these excuses and she's just this is like a little risky she's like no no let's just do it she starts peeling this thing off and I was like I don't know lady yeah I don't know this is an experimental procedure it's not like you're

cutting a kid's cast off or something this is great though with her whole line about like well your ears are in the right place that's pretty great and the rest of it's not bad either not bad at all then we're I gotta tell you though with that kissy kissy kissy

let's take it easy on the facey-faced she's going like right at this dude I was like Jesus Christ I would stay I would tell you're not allowed to ride that for at least a couple weeks you know what I mean because that was

it'll come off with you get a towel out you know damp it up wipe that face it's been under surgery and this weird stinky mask for weeks you need a shower but don't make it too hot

it might melt you don't know what's going on up there so but like a good medium hot shower No spicy food, no eating ass, no. Oh, no, no. That's going to be a lifetime thing. I'm sorry to say that the spicy food. No more eaten ass. No more eaten ass and spicy food. You can do either or, but you can't do the same thing in the same night. See, the thing's like a fart in the wrong moment can just blow your face right off.

It really would. He's going to unhinge your jaw practically sometimes to get in there. Are you looking at this ass, though? It is incredible. It is very tight. If you get a one flame from that thing and you're out probably no smoking because it's going to like you know sort of flow out the seams of your new face maybe I'd be worried about that I just pictured an ass

with a cigarette hanging out that asshole of me that'd be a good mad magazine cover yes indeed they go out Bob Dylan's fourth time around

starts playing this is where they reenact the free will and Bob Dylan cover the album cover that is they have a bunch of sex oh god yeah oh god yeah I'll see you at Christmas

like we got we got some catching up to do I would love if they cut to reality and he's just in this tube and it's like this machine comes down like jacking him off to simulate the sex well it has just drilled through the ice

to get to it yeah exactly Oh, I love So it's not like some cryo chamber thing He's literally in a block of ice Yes, exactly We found a lot of demolition man We found a pond out in North Dakota

And we just put him down there They go out on another like Triple date with fucking Jason Lee around here This is where Jason Lee's got all that cool Early Aughts video camera shit And cool early arts dialogue Proximity infatuation

Oh yeah Don't use that. It's mine because, you know, people in coffee shops over here. Everyone's writing a novel at a coffee shop. And actually, and then actually somebody is, this is not a fantasy. That's somebody's doing exactly what you say. You notice is Noah Taylor in the restaurant. That is the big thing is he's in the corner and he's wondering what's going on here. And this is when he finally corners him, right?

No, that's not yet. He wakes up right here. He wakes up here and he goes to the bathroom and his face is fucked up again and he freaks out. And then he wakes up and he's like just been having a nice, a nightmare rather. And he goes back in and like the

his face is fine like in the mirror or whatever. But then this is the first time she turns into Cameron Diaz, right? Right. Yes. This is the fucked up like he ties her up right here because it's like what did you do with her? She was right here. Where's Julie? I'm, uh, where's Sophia, I'm Sophia.

He like fucking binds and it's like the fucking BTK killer all of a sudden. He does that really quickly. I wouldn't know how to fucking tie somebody's arms with a fucking phone cord. What do I know? He's got it like fucking two seconds flash. Just leave. His father was the king of

publishing in New York. This man has boated since he was in the womb. True. That's true. Yeah. He knows all sorts of knots. Every knot you got. What not you need? I got it. He calls the police. and he winds up getting arrested

here. He gets arrested, but it's funny because when he's, like, reaching for the photo because he's like, the paranoia is really setting it. He just starts screaming, the seven dwarfs. And yes, this is when we get the great six foot, whatever.

He gets out, I think Timothy Spall gets him out of jail. He's like, listen, as a friend, yes, listen, everybody's behind you. Even this weird thing, like, the seven dwarfs, they actually love you did. They're really thrilled about it. Because now he's acting like the dad, dude.

They're like, now you're being a fucking evil scumbag like your father. Excellent. All the problems here will be all swept under. Julie's not I mean, Sophia's not going to press charges. But just that FYI, just to let you know, you should see what you did to her. And then it's like

it's Cameron Diaz all jacked up, like really beaten up, bloodied. Isn't Sophia? This isn't Sophia. He keeps saying. But I'd be like, okay. Okay, but you beat some woman up. Yeah, that's more than the problem right there, you know.

Let's, like, let's stay there. Jason Lee, yeah, Jason Lee's got a great line here about the whole situation. I was so, so Sophia was abducted by Julie, and now Julie is posing it as Sophia. You're an OJ land, man. Oh, dude. It's a great Jason Lee delivery. You're an OJ land man. It's just, you know.

So good. Because it's that Lee, the way Lee delivers stuff where, like, the way that he hits, oh, in OJ, J, like he has that, it goes up kind of, but not a crazy amount where you're like, that guy talks funny, but it's just the way he has inflections on certain things. It's really interesting. Do you think he's, like, killed people as well?

Like, is he part of, the whole cabal with the religion? I think he's lower tier, you know what I mean? Like, he's probably asking crews in between things. So he just held people down while other people stabbed them? Is that what happened? Maybe he watched. I'm not even sure if he went in, like, it was actually working on it.

Because he's a rich boy. He doesn't get his hands dirty, Eric. You can't be doing that. But he watches from afar as others are killed. I'm certain of it. I mean, I'd like to think that maybe he's just a dude that's like bilken people for money. Like, hi, I'm TV's Jason Lee.

Exactly. You know, fill out this check so you can become a level eight, whatever the fuck we are. Because you're basically a, you're a mascot at that point. All the actors are mascots. No, if you are budding, a wannabe actor, as many of our fucking members are, you could be me, Jason Lee, or hell, maybe even Tom. Tom Cruise.

Lucky, lucky. You work hard enough, and if you suppress enough of your emotions and never go to a therapist, you can finally become Tom. Wow, so I'm almost there. You are. You're pretty much Tom Cruise, just taller and blonde. You're in striking distance. Do you say that again? Oh, my God.

Oh, no, I'm sorry, to form Tom Cruise. Thank you. I love the dude that just walks by right here and it's just like, this is a revolution. of the mind fucking out of nowhere and he goes I think this is what he goes to a bar Lee picks him up from jail right

right here is the idea because this is where oh the OJ land and what's the other they just have a blowout and he's like this is the last time we're ever going to speak

you don't you never hit a woman kind of a thing yes oh that's what it was that's what I wanted to touch it he gives him shit like you know I'm glad you're all right but you never fucking hit a woman like what are you doing

and just like we're never talking ever again and I am not part of the grand conspiracy see, like, where'd you get that coat and that fucking, those, like, whatever and all, the camera equipment, blah, blah, blah. It's like, you know. Which is like a, it's interesting because like now, now

we are in, we're in the dream, right? And so like, it's fascinating to see how the subconscious constructs the paranoia, right? Like, he has a nicer coat and yes, brought weird camera equipment to a bar for some reason. But like, yeah,

that's an influx of money. How did you? Yep. Where's the money coming from? Russia? Huh? Is that what's happening? He goes to a bar and here comes Noah Taylor. He's like, I've been one.

And you know maybe the Noah Taylor part of this movie? It is, it makes, oh God, I'll never remember the name of the movie. The Matthew McConaughey and Hathaway movie that we did. Oh, the video game was.

Yes. Fuck. Can I just Serendipity? Serenity. Serenity. Serenity. Serenity, yeah, yeah.

Can I just tell you really quickly, Steve, this literally happened on an episode at some point, and I was the one, and none of us could remember that. But this is the same character, his character is the same character as Jeremy Strong is in that terrible movie, if you remember. Oh, remind me. And he calls himself The Rules that he's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. I'm the Rules.

So that movie's even worse after I saw Vidal's guy is what I'm saying. Sure. But so Noah Taylor is just basically like. everything's a little weird, isn't it? You know, you feel omnipotent. You could do whatever you... You know, you could do whatever you want with all these people.

Have you figured out where I'm from yet? I was in a couple of Australian movies. I've been in a couple of British joints as well, you know? Oh, you know what? Actually, I think what happened to Noah Taylor, Ben Mendelssohn came and ate all of his lunch. Oh, yeah. And I think that's...

I think it's the right... We made the right choice there, I think. I guess so, yeah. If we had to only have one, I could do two. Sure, I like both of them. How about them as brothers on a road trip? There you go.

Why you are 100% correct though, Steve, is me last night or what a couple days ago watching this movie for only the second time in my life, 20 whatever years after I'd seen it, the first time you see him, Noah Taylor on screen, in my head, I just went, wow, Ben Mendelssohn looks so young in this movie.

And it wasn't until like the next scene that I was like, oh, that's not Ben Mendelso. No, there's something a little bit more mousy about Noah Taylor. Yes. There's a little bit more like beefy and masculine about Ben Mendelso. For sure. Like he could, I could imagine him trying to go up against a, a bat man. And I can't.

Noah Taylor, I think, would be turned into like a waste paper basketball. But yes, like you can make them obey you. I want them to shut the fuck up. And they all stop and look at him, you know, which again is like, that's like the distillation of his like billionaire. paranoid whatever like everybody's always you know eyes are always on me that's why i always have to be on and what now and like literally everyone in this room is looking at him yes and it's like creepy and he's like uh uh but then this is we he starts he starts dipping his toe and he's like hey david uh what can you tell me you know that you know about lucid dreaming you and i

signed a contract david and then it cuts to kurt russell and they're explaining he's explaining the Tom Cruise like dreams versus reality do you remember signing this contract you know because Kurt Russell's whole thing I don't know if we've actually said this but like his position here is he's supposed to be like helping David you think

to like appear before a trial yes or have for the murder I assume like is he mentally competency trial yeah yeah exactly exactly um but yeah so did you kill Sophia is like the thing that he's trying to get out of him and then it's like we cut back

and David is back in the cool dumbo loft but now everything you know when he was there the first time he's looking at all these pictures and whatever and it's like Penelope Cruz all over the place now we're seeing those exact same photos and everything is Cameron Diaz everywhere Cameron Diaz has been the dancer for 14 years you know

all that stuff has changed over and basically she comes out and she's like listen no harm no foul man but I still love you and we can work through this Tom Cruise is and having it or does she turn back into Penelope Cruz at this point? She's yeah

she goes into the bathroom and then she comes back out then she looks like Penelope Cruz yeah yeah yeah and then they start fucking and it's a great fucking scene because like yes he's just doing it the whole time with the thrust and then she turns into Cameron Diaz and then like he's like

making weird faces while he's fucking he's still thrusting though yes very important the intercourse continues while he is just screaming what the fuck is I would take a breath you know what I mean? Just pull out and figure out what's going on.

Oh, come on. That's the difference between you guys and Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise never quits. You know what? He just keeps on pumping. If something weird's happening taking your, you know, something strange like your brain is splitting in two at once, that's, you know, you just keep doing it.

Yeah. Am I loose a dreaming or am I just plowing into whatever right here? Right. Here's a dream for you. You're plowing into whatever. take out a pillow and you start suffocating them to death. That's usually how God was one of us as blaring once again.

Oh, Jesus. I like the moment here of the choice. You never see, he never pulls the pillow up, but there was a mole that he talked on Sophia's chest. He's like, I'd like to come back as this mole one day and by my next life and then he sees the mall. He realizes, oops, I killed her.

Yes. Runs out. I am glad to your point, Steve, that you didn't get like a Nicholson at the end of cuckoo's nest facial expression when Chief pulls the fucking pillow Oh dude if you pulled it off and she looked like the ring got her That'd be pretty cool

Yeah you die in the dream you die for real But it cuts back to Kurt Russell And he's like all right let's concentrate again You're getting distracted Who was that man in the restaurant? Tell me who that guy was You know guilt over Julie Could have turned Sophia into Julie in your head David like he's trying to explain it all the way

I don't know. Oh, wait. No. Oh, my God. I went to the early screening. That man was in the life aquatic with Steve Zissu. That's right. I know. I don't worry. You got to call Wes Anderson. But this is like this is this is the scene where they're sitting on the floor. It's this nice father's son kind of moment where Kurt Russell's like, you know, I've come to think of you as like a member of my family through all of our talks, which is a little weird and unprofessional. For sure. Yeah. It's deranged. But great, great Kurt Russell line here, though, because he's like, time's up. I got to go. And Tom Cruise asks him, he's like, will I see you at the trial? And he goes, I'm just the opening act. Which is such an awesome Kurt Russell line. I'm just the opening act, baby.

You know what I'm like? It's fucking great. He has been asking him what L.E is. What is L.E? Or L.E. Who's Ellie? Elie as a person. The Michael Shannon cop guy has been watching TV.

the whole time. When Michael Shadden leads him out, he sees life extending. Is that it? Life extension. Early. And he starts slamming up. Noah Taylor. He sees Noah Taylor. In the commercial, I guess.

It's like infomercial or whatever. Great detail that we hear in the infomercial this time. 72 of these cryostasis bodies housed in, you guessed it, New Jersey. I love it, dude. New Brunswick. New York City's storage facility in New Jersey.

That's where we keep Steve. We got the room. We got the room. Come on in. We go to Life Extension Corporation with Michael Shannon and Kurt Russell and they present these papers. We here with the court or whatever. They get up to the offices. Alicia Witt

likes her pop and stuff as they be here. And she's sort of like the office manager, whatever, clearly knows David is recognizes him and whatever. Welcome back. that kind of a deal. We've been seeing clips of her when

part of his flash forwards, flashback things, has been him in some kind of motel room with a bathroom mirror with pills and stuff. And we've been seeing that a couple times. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so now here comes still to Swinton. Very young, very surprising that

I forgot she was in this movie. Doing an early version of the Michael Clayton thing kind of, like, in a way, being like, this is the evil thing. Hi. Yeah, she got her. whole evil speech. It's a glimpse of the future. DNA of the human

body has been broken. Soon, heart ailments. Cancars will be a thing of the past. Yeah, my ass. My ass movie. Even your death will no longer be necessary. I love, so here's the question because this is what bugged me about it. Because like, the cryostasis thing

makes so much sense. Why do you need to kill yourself to get there? That's... Yeah, that's bizarre. That's like, now it's Frankenstein's shit. No, I don't, I don't, I don't think that you have to do that. I think he, that was his thing. It's like, the contract that he signed

is like, when I die, whenever that shall be, you come and pick up my body and take it away and he's so eager to get into it, he commits suicide. Why do you need to be dead to be, being dead to me is like, you're dead. That's the end of it. Like that's... Well, I think there's a legal thing where like you can't...

I mean, I think it's like, I mean, you're right in that like you could of course made it up and there'd be some... You could be inventive and imaginative here. But, like, also, I think it's probably a legal thing. Like, yeah, we can't kill you. Like, this only happens when you die. It doesn't happen while you're living.

Mass hysteria, how we railroaded that port to Dr. Cvorkean. That's a beautiful man. That's the reason. That's true. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I thought you were asked, I thought, Steve, you were understanding it as the only way to have it activated. Oh, is to commit suicide.

No, no, no, but like, to be dead and having to come back. It's just sort of like, now we're at. adding Frankenstein shit into it. Why can't he just go, like, John Spartan didn't have to die to go to the cry of the stage. He just went in there and they put that weird blue thing and he's just sentenced to yes. Don't they have to like get you?

I mean, you would, to freeze and like, because, I mean, your heart would stop probably. Yeah. You would have to get it low. You'd have to get it very, very low. Now I'm dead and now they're going to drag my ass from fucking some hotel room and hope that they can get me in the fucking crisis. Chris is right.

They can't just kill you. Bringing the temperature down would kill you. Sure. I don't know. It's a movie, guys. It's all sci-fi movies. This is a make-believe thing right here. We're doing movie lawyering now.

Wait, what? I do like the scene of him taking those pills, though. That was fun. It is. Yeah, he's just out in the world's shittiest hotel. I want everybody to know, I don't believe in this. I don't believe in this. But I'm doing it.

I'm doing it for the movie. It's a movie. Like, this is what happens when you take any of these pills. You'll take too many of them and kill yourself. One of these would do this. One of them would do it to you. Did you sign a contract with these people, David? It's such a fatherly thing, right?

Yeah. The, like, scalding tone. But what's interesting is, so there's, like, the base level plan at life extension, which I feel is, like, the Mr. Burns thing, like, will unfreeze you when we have a cure for 47 stab wounds in the back. Yeah. Or whatever that number is. It's a very good joke. Sounds right.

And then I love that Tilda Swinton upselling, you know, like a car salesperson. And it's just like, then there's also our latest, the lucid dreaming option, which is while you're frozen for however long you decide to be frozen, you can indeed have this lucid dreaming world constructed around you and yada, yada, yada. And the good thing is there's only a 38% chance it'll turn into a living night. So that's not bad, right? We're still working the kinks out, baby. We are a growing business. Peter Thiel just gave us our first venture capitalist surge of cash. Because, like, he's like, oh, yes, I'm tech support. We met before. So, like, when I'm doing this thing, they're like, all right, so this is a dream option. It sounds good.

Best case scenario, tech support. I'm like, why would I need tech support? Oh, it could turn into a living nightmare. Like, you'd be like the hellraiser planet. Well, it's getting fucked to death for, for you would feel like an eternity. How does that sound? I feel like they didn't really think through that this could be going on for 150 years. That's the thing.

And, like, I kind of, this is to me very similar. another movie that came around here that I know Steve, you're also middle of the road about is Minority Report. And like similarly, I think I would have loved this movie to stop right here.

Tech support, tech support. Nobody comes and he has to go back downstairs and just go outside and live whatever this terrible existence because this is what he chose to do. Personally, that's what I like, what I've preferred. Same thing with Minority Report.

When he goes down into the hole, I would be like, that would be a great place to stop this. But like, the endings to both of these I'm not crazy about either of them but neither of them really bother me enough to be like pissed off about it like it's just kind of like you don't know where to land

with this thing so you just kind of did what like happy why not well we know where to land it's on the fucking pavement because he's got to jump to get over his last fear of heights and we've jumped to wake up we've said three and a half times it's never come up ever you know what I mean here it is

three of Chekhov's guns You get three of them. I do like the part when Kurt Russell comes up here. We find out that he's a fake person because, like, oh, you know, you probably, Noah Taylor, again, explaining everything. But it's like, you made him up over watching, you know, Better Fathers on TV. And, like, he's exactly that thing for you. It's what you needed. And then, like, that's the Atticus Finch party.

He's like, I think he straight up says, like, this is your favorite movie. Yes. And this is a character you've always loved or whatever. you've built that into this guy. Just get a hologram of Hello, David, let's get out of you. David, you're thinking about your mother again. There's that great line of like, so if I wanted McCabe

to come back right now and Kurt Russell bursts in. David, we need to get off of this roof right now. It's so awesome. Hi there. David, let's get off this roof. And yeah, I'm a composite of every security guard you ever seen. Hi there. I've been there.

whole life. How you, how you doing there? Uh, that Kurt Russell moment's kind of awesome because it's a rare, rare instance of like zany Kurt Russell. Yes. Like a manic kind of Kurt Russell. Like you don't really get that mode from him. And even though it's just running through a door out of breath, it's like a fucking white rhino man, very rare, very cool. And basically, but he just realizes that I think that they're like, because I'm a real person. I have two daughters. Like, what are their names? Yeah, that's awesome. You didn't put that in?

Jesus, I would at least have that in there. Christ. So yeah, Noah Taylor gives them like the spiel about what this choice really means. Yes, you can be alive again, but your face and body, your face and body can be fixed, but your things are different now and your finances won't last long. Oh, dude, inflation's a murder. I would, I even, you'll never understand.

the price of eggs out there. It'd be great if we saw him wake up and he's being like, you know, like fucking ripped apart by robots. Exactly. Or it'd be, this would be a great, I mean, you can't end every movie this way, but some movies,

you could just go full planet of the apes. You can't your eggs, I'm like, oh, fuck, it's the planet of the apes. Yeah. Yeah. Shit. I slept too long. Dexterity. He sees the Statue of Liberty and it's an ape. Not that it's busted, but that it's of the ape, like in the Tim Burton version.

Yes. Uh, see, that's what I feel I would be like, you know what? This movie ended poorly because he wakes up and it's like Times Square, but it's like a hellscape or something and he just kind of like a no, like that would be so. I slept too long. Yes. I don't think Times Square has to do much to transfer into a hellscape. That's true.

That's true. No, he just, he wakes up and it looks like 2024 Times Square. All right. Before he jumps, he says goodbye to his computer. pewter girlfriend yeah by Scarlett Johansson because he's basically like yeah you know

I'm I'm letting you go and he's like fucking fight a late honestly dude one night not so we didn't even fuck man man we didn't even fuck I lost you when I got in that car I barely know you

I don't get the fuck out of here you drink I made a caricature of you and you took it really seriously I don't know what to say you drank two of my rolling rocks that's it that's how i remember you i'll see you in another life and we're both cats when when noah taylor is spewing all that stuff about what happened there is some nice uh detail thrown in timothy spall stood up for him and wrestled the control of the company

back from the board so that was all like totally fine or whatever uh jason lee you know brian threw a three day memorial for him and i do i really like that moment penelope cruise like comes into the apartment she and jasonly like lock eyes like yeah This was all crazy and shitty, right? Yeah, totally. And, like, she just leaves all while that fucking spiritualized song is playing. Man, I had not heard that tune in a really long time. Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space, I think.

Yeah, that's the one. David, you were missed. Yeah. Yep. Which is what you want to hear if someone's reporting on your memorial service attendance. That's number one. I think that's the first thing you want to hear. So he jumps and he wakes up.

We hear Open Your Eyes. So it's like, whoa, is this, is it real? Does he wake up? All right. I'm ready to watch your movie. I'm opening my eyes. What? What?

And the woman who says, Open Your Eyes is not, not to Delvin Cruz or Cameron Diaz, but actually Laura Frazier of Breaking Bad fame, that last season of Breaking Bad, the, what's her name? The evil woman that,

that is running the mess with them. Yeah, yeah. She's just a lot of that. Oh, really? Oh, wow. It's weirdly one of her known for it. It's like Breaking Bad, something Scottish, and she's the future in Vanilla Sky. Really strange.

Weird. What was she fucking 14 doing that place recording? That's so strange. Yeah. Yeah, I like also, I mean, again, just, I'm not going to stop talking about the soundtrack. The fucking Sigur Ross song right here is amazing. You get two of them in this movie. Yeah, yeah, but this one when he's fallen off the building specifically.

And then I like the, I like the song. the Paul McCartney Vinyl Sky Tune that it goes out on right here. I think it's a nifty little number. It's a fun

little late period Paul McCartney song. I like it. Late Paul, honestly is great. I've been, the last couple records for Paul

have been very good, I think. I love that number three was really great. Three is great. Yeah, yeah. But yeah,

that's the end of the movie. It ends on the vanilla sky tune and you just kind of go out, you know, and end of the movie and I think, is that the,

yeah, it's the most recent movie of his that most of us have seen? Kevin Crow, yeah, absolutely. The last good one, I would say. This is it. He also basically has not stopped making narratives since

whatever, Aloha, which is now like 2017 or something. It's a bit a while. Yeah, he's done. He's in jail. He's in movies, John. Soft movie jail. He's doing documentaries. He's like, him and Peter Jackson are like, I guess you'd call it minimum security movie jail.

You know what I mean? You just make it documentaries. Yes. Did anyone see that Tom Petty thing? Did you see that? I have not. I've seen the Bogdanovich one, and that's really good. But I, oh. There's also the other thing that we're forgetting that he was involved with.

I think he, like, created it and directed some of it. There was the Rodees. The showtime, Eric? Yes, it was. I was working on the back end of that. And I saw one episode. I was not impressed. It's not good.

I watched it. It came out right at the same time as Twin Peaks the return. And I was like, man, you could not have a worse match. you've got a man. Coming up after Twin Peaks the return, it's Roadies. Everyone at Showtime was like, Rodees, that's the future, man. Oh, wow.

We did not come to pass. We have beer commercials. Was that Timothy Spall is like the lead Rode right? Rave's Spall. Oh, was Rave's Paul? Yeah, he's in there. He's the guy. Oh, okay. I thought there was a whole time. I think Luke Wilson was in it. Yes. Oh, sure. Yeah.

But that is the end of Vanilla Sky. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts. And possible recommendations, Mr. Siska. Yes, it's a, it's a light recommend. I can see going either way with this. I do, I think it's a well-directed, well-made movie. I think it's got some fun avenues in it. But I think there are a better way.

What's out there? But I did enjoy at least revisiting it because it's been so long since I've seen it. I would say check out the original if you like this movie or you're curious about more. Vanilla Skying Chris Cabin Yeah I was a strong recommend

I really like this movie I think it's really great for about three quarters And then it's it's okay for about a quarter But I think it's very ambitious I think it's him taking a big step after What was a very big movie for him Even though it didn't really make that much money

Like I think this is Him letting it all out. Like this really is a, it's a big premise, and he's doing all the stuff you usually do. It's failure is his great subject. Like, what happens when you fuck up? What, what do you do after you fuck up that bad? And that's... You make documentaries. Make documentaries is usually what happens. Uh, you get into a Tom Petty mode. Uh, but like, yeah, I, I think it's a great Tom Cruise performance. I really have nothing but good things to say about it. I think it doesn't quite stick the landing and I would prefer it not just go for the, uh, happy one.

but who am I? It's a pretty good movie still. Stephen. Yeah, it's a light recommend for me and I think when I was 22 it would have been a very hardcore recommend. Re-watching it just, it felt a little lighter on its feet,

lighter of saying stuff about things in this, in this last go-around, maybe the next time I'll feel different watch it when I'm a cat, but this time around it was sort of like just it didn't hit me really emotionally.

like I feel like tonally it's all over the place like is this a hangout film is it a rom-com is it a sci-fi thriller is it an existentialist piece is it and I know it's all of these things but it can't I don't know if it sticks the landing of all of these things so that's kind of where I'm like it's a light but it's definitely like one of the better Cameron crows it is a I do like to watch tom cruise act dramatically and give a shit so there's that it's a good dog cruise performance and it's in the world in which Jason leaves and stuff so that's great and a great and a great great Cameron Dia's performance. Oh, yeah.

She is so fucking fantastic. Flipping in and out of evil and sincere and sexy and crazy and scary, all of it and sad. Just great. So, yeah, there you go. It did not hit for me at 17 at all. I saw it in the theaters. I despised it. And I'm pretty sure, like, through 15 years of audio recordings of me, I've said it here somewhere.

I remember arguing about it with you. And, you know, like. I don't know. I watched it two days ago. I think it's fucking great. It's probably my second favorite movie of his. I don't know. Like, Steve, what you're saying about, like, yes, it's everything. Like, I guess that's why it worked for me. I like a good smorgasbord movie every now and again. Everyone's great in it. Everybody's pretty. It looks great. It's a fucking banging soundtrack, you know, and it's just weird. Like, the way one of it is like, it is just a supremely weird movie. also great Kurt Russell in there in a mode we don't get a lot of

Kurt Russell doing so that's also part of the appeal I don't know I agree with you the weirdness a big budget weirdness you don't see very often so that's special in of itself for sure yeah but yes a three four degrees of recommending the movie but that is going to do it for this episode

if you want to listen to more we hate movies of course check out the Patreon patreon.com slash we hate movies where you can even get episodes such as this and other We Hate Movies episodes ad free on that Patreon. Also, we've got to, we love movies this month, also playing

around with the Wait What You Werey theme. It released last week. Catch up to that bad boy Donnie Darko. It's a banger episode. On Once in a Lifetime, we've got to wait what you arey on Tall Hot Blonde, which is the narrative film. There's also documentary. Watch the

narrative. It's a lifetime movie. Courtney Cox. and it was a ton of fun on the gleepe glossary this month we're talking about lobot and our thoughts on the skeleton crew that just concluded animation damnation we've got hey arnold's valentine maybe that's a wait what you're i don't know i've never seen hey arnold oh dude halfway through he realizes he's been dreaming about his dead girl who killed arnold yes yes the nexus our normal uh rundown recapping the animated series now

and the next generation we are up to night terrors and oh holy shit we have a banger of a 902 a Melro 2 and O come and action the banger and an explosive episode it is the beginning of the daddy wars

the end of another daddy oh it's so good and you know I think we forgot to even mention this anywhere but we're doing a single ball commentary track on the game David Fincher's the game that'll be on Patreon one of the biggest wait what's of the ball big way what that'll be coming out next month but we're getting ready to record that we're getting in fincher mode wait what fincher mode specifically

great movie i'm excited for this it has been a minute as a matter of fact the last time i watched the game i only got like halfway through it because the brand new criterion collection of the of it refused to stop fucking playing that that sucks love yeah man uh wonderful i did not did not get to the twist unfortunately the last time of I'm very excited to record that commentary. But Steve, next week here on We Hate Movies, on the free feed and on the ad-free tier on Patreon, wait what you, Airy continues once again, with which, again, another movie we've been teasing for a dog's age.

We've been making the helper, David, joke for about as long as the show's existed, you're going to find out how inappropriate that joke has always been when we talk about primal fear next week. Yes. Counselor. Yeah, Edward Norton, Richard Gear, some Laura Lennie. No, Laura Lennie, yes.

I cannot wait to revisit this one. It has been a bit, but I remember that twist being like a real, wait, what, when I first saw this? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, no, it's going to be wild to revisit this. So until next week, when we're sitting in a jail cell with Edward Norton, I've been Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek.

Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. Thank you. Thank you.