We Hate Movies - S15 Ep799: Avengers: Age of Ultron

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

“Whedon at the line….oh, no, another brick!” - Steve, on the screenplay clunkers On this week’s episode, the 2025 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza kicks off with a trip to Franchise Town as we discuss the fun, Spader-tastic sequel, Avengers: Age of Ultron! How great is James Spader with this Ultron performance? Are there too many characters in this fully-loaded movie? Should they have written mutant characters when they couldn’t use the word ‘mutant’ anywhere in the script? And would Ultron have been more menacing if he was given a big, mechanical mustache? PLUS: What in the world is going on with the Maximoffs’ accents here? Avengers: Age of Ultron stars Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Samuel L. Jackson, Don Cheadle, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Bettany, Cobie Smulders, Anthony Mackie, Hayley Atwell, Idris Elba, Linda Cardellini, Stellan Skarsgård, Claudia Kim, Thomas Kretschman, Andy Serkis, and James Spader as Ultron; directed by noted jerk, Joss Whedon. Today’s episode is brought to you in part by Huel! Get Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% OFF + a FREE Gift with code WHM at https://huel.com/whm (Minimum $75 purchase). And also by Rocket Money! Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter our show name—We Hate Movies—in the survey so they know we sent you! Don’t wait! Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show! Tickets are on sale now for our three-night residency during the Oxford Comedy Festival! We’ll be doing six shows over three nights from July 18 through 20, doing shows like WHM, W❤️M, The Nexus, The Gleep Glossary, and Animation Damnation! Tickets are going fast, so friends over there, snag your tix!  Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program, this movie has to hold the record for most robot decapitations. It's Avengers Age of Ultron. I'm Andrew Jupin. Sexy Robot Steven Sadek. Eric Tron. Innocent Sikovian citizen, Chris Kappen. RIPD, dude. And we hate movies.

Hello everyone, welcome to we hate movies, thank you for tuning in as always. That's right. You heard it here, folks. The summer blockbuster extravaganza is getting started. started a whole month earlier and we are kicking things off talking about Avengers Age of Ultron from 2015 and yes directed by noted fly in the ointment Joss Whedon

Yeah Pain in the ass Absolutely pain in the ass Joss Whedon Really have you met the man Was he inconveniencing you At a coffee shop perhaps No he inconvenienced

to allow all those women he harassed Yeah There's that Oh I did not I forgot about that Oh yeah He's a huge scumbag dude uh yeah noted feminist as oh any oh sure big time whenever you wear the feminist t-shirt it's

like hmm i don't know exactly exactly you don't need to be wearing a t-shirt you don't need to broadcast that he was buying the merch he was buying the merch he went to the merch store at the feminism store yes yeah real real fucking uh you you'd call him a virtue signaler almost because he was totally full of shit he was totally full of shit i bet you he had some fucking money in those products too. I bet you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no doubt about it. Yeah, this is the second Avengers

film coming after the 2012 release of the Avengers. This marks, if I'm reading this right now, Steve Sadek, correct me if you can remember, I believe this movie marks the tail end of what is phase two of the MCU, we're told. It is, and we're also doing this because Thunderbolts

comes out, was out last week, which was end of phase five. The ill-begotten phase in the MCU. You yearned for phase two. Well, I mean, we'll see. I mean, we haven't, we're recording this a little early.

I haven't seen Thunderbolts yet. I think it's actually getting some positive notes. Oh, no. I'm actually excited for four Thunderbolts, actually, as is this recording. But I, but I do, I mean, you got that Deadpool Wolverine, quantumania,

where we're talking bad stuff. You're saying hit after hit is what I'm hearing. Mega hits. One was a financial mega hit. The other one, quantum mania, as you recall, was a huge crater at the box. Oh, Thor 11 Thunder. It shrunk to the underground world of the box office where the dust mites maybe saw it in the theater. It did, dude, because if you recall, I believe that was the movie where into its second weekend, it had a 74% drop from its first week.

So Quantum Mania, one of the biggest failures, this movie big success. Sorry. Thor 11th Thunder, it was phase four, apparently. Oh, is that right? You chucked out the last two faces. We're two phases into this thing where it doesn't fucking matter anymore Why even say phases?

What am I? I have to look at the moon to understand where I am I'm sorry Eric Eric it's because it's fucking special Okay It's not like a normal movie This is fucking special Keep your heart right down dude There's no reason to yell that much

You're going to have a fucking stroke right now I don't fucking care I fucking hate this shit I will say this movie held up much better than I remembered I always like this movie just sort of right in the middle and that's where I am still. So that's a good thing. It held, you don't want to talk about, like, box office drops.

You know, usually sometimes the movie will have a box office drop in your brain 10 years out. This probably only felt like 5 or 10%. It looks like shit. It's an ugly, muddy movie. Other than that, I think the script is pretty okay. Well, I would say, because I went back, I watched the first one, like, a few days ago just to, like, because it had been a minute. So I went back and just to reorient myself and everything like,

that that movie I feel anyway has way less weed in eye roller groaner lines than this movie does. This movie is rotten with them and it just stops this shit dead. Here I rewatch that too and I actually really I love that movie. I'll be honest. I really do. I really like

that movie a lot. It's a good fun time. What's funny is I never really cared for the first one. I remember liking this one when it came out because I'm James Spader Pilled that guy does. I adore. But then today I rewatched this and it diminished in my mind a little

bit. And I'll take a shot at the script a little bit. This movie is so many fucking characters in it. It does. It does. We have to meet the farm life and then they have so many characters we decide to birth two more during the movie. A couple more. I do, yeah,

the too many characters thing, Scarlett Witch and Quicksilver are produced. Whoa. Do you want a fucking lawyer to barge in here? He is not Quicksilver. He's Peotter. Max him off, dude. And that is as far as they take it.

This bullshit, we can't say mutant. You know what, dude? If you can't do it, listen, the rule, now I got to take my own advice to question. Folks at home, we have a paramedic on set. Don't worry. You have, when you're doing these things, right, you have to take it the same advice that we give to people who want to make a movie

about a very famous musician, right? If you can't get the rights to that musician's music, don't make the movie. If you can't get the rights to say mutant in a comic book movie, don't put a fucking mutant or two in it. You know what I mean? It's just silly. That ruins our whole idea. I mean, you take up, would you say a puzzle is finished if you took a puzzle piece out? Because that's what you're doing right there. I mean, I don't know what you, what you think you're doing because we have this thing stacked out here. That is a puzzling quandary. It is kind of funny the whole mutant of it all bit, you know, because when Fox at Disney were

merging, all I ever heard on the internet was what a great boon this is for the fan community. I'm saying this one wearing an Aquaman t-shirt by the way. F.I. Is that what that is? Absolutely. So, you know, all I heard from people like me were like, oh man, now Wolverine and Spider-Man and Bat and Captain America are all going to fight each other or we're all going to fuck. Either or, and it's been a decade and they have not done anything with the X-Men other than bring in the Fox stuff

whole cloth, like whole lifted from, airlifted from one place to the other. I will say this, Steve, I'm going to say this because I think not technically, it's not technically what they were asking for there, but Deadpool versus and Wolverine was that movie.

That movie that they have been talking about wanting for so long about where we all mash them up together and we all do the stupid thing. That is what the Deadpool and Wolverine movie is in like when you watch it. You're like, oh, this is just this is literally just smashing the characters together. And that's actually I think why I like this movie

more than I remember it because at least these characters have like inner lives and problems that actually are tried to be resolved or changed throughout the film. Like that's why I said the script is good. I agree that it's a totally bloated mess.

The action is take it or leave it. We can shave 20 minutes off. But I do like the I like actually the Hawkeye through line of this. I like the black widow and banner. bit. I do, I do too. I like both of those things. Okay, well, can we

ask the obvious question that's been burning in my heart all day? Really? Okay. So, okay, I forgot these two were together. Number one, are they still together? Is there a phone out there with banner and widow? She's dead. Spoiler alert. Oh, I forgot about that. She'll be back next week.

So are we, okay, should I, can I preempt this? Are we talking about Hulkcum? Is that what we're going to be? Chris, you were so goddamn vulgar. All I was saying was that, like, if they have rough sex and it gets a little like does she want it to get bigger a little greener does it like expand within her much different that's actually the subtext of those scenes is he's like i can't fuck you because i don't know what's going to happen yeah it's it's like he's got a choking problem well it's

sort of like conveniently housed and like i'm worried i'll i'll hurt you in some way but yes what he means is if we're like going to pound town and like you go to suck my nipple but you bite it accidentally and I get pissed off. If I turned into the Hulk, like, I will kill you right there. That's the thing is everyone is a certain time. It's like what you are as a drunk. If you're an angry drunk, you're an angry fuck.

If you're a sad drunk. If you're a sad drunk. You know what? That's fair. Eric, I want to apologize for you for thinking that you were talking about Hulk sex when you were thinking. A rough Hulk sex. I wasn't talking about his liquids, Chris. I was talking about the beautiful act of love making.

Of rough sex. You know, if she's, you know, You know, doing him a favor. She sticks one finger up there. He's banner, two fingers. Uh-oh, here comes the hole. And you never know until you stick that second finger in there. It's essentially like the man of steel eye hop fight, but as a sexual act. I have another quick question about these characters.

It's been a while since I checked in with the gang. I didn't think this was Scarlet Witch for like half the movie. Because what is this voice? When did her accent become California wine mom? Great question. it is let me tell you something so it is like baby steps like in this movie she's still doing the carcossian borat my dead brother like she's doing that i also because this is what happens when we do these movies on the show i realize like even though i don't like all of them like i enjoy

watching a good chunk of them so i've been kind of going back through i also last night watched captain america civil war which takes place after the events of this movie in which she is also in the film because it's basically like an Avengers movie but you just put Captain Merrick on it instead. Because they're all fucking in it every last one of them for the most part I think like minus Thor. Plus Antman and Spider-Man. Yeah, you're adding

more there but anyway, she's that's like it's just a step down. She's talking in that movie and it's like just a step down. But by the time you get to like that Wanda vision show and whatever else, it's a completely different person. I'm sorry, this is this is a bullshit. I don't care how much magic she has. My

old grandma from the old country. She was doing the Borat voice to the day she died. There was a natural Borat voice though. It wasn't a put on Borat voice. That's true. That's true. Maybe that was that Agatha all along stole her accent too. That was a

Agatha, we watched two episodes of that and never looked back. Yeah, no thank you. Here's a way I think to start in the movie because I think Chris Cabin this movie actually starts with something you enjoy and you've said this repeatedly, the lethal weapon two of it all. Okay. This movie starts

no this movie starts Chris has his finger in the air is objecting already the movie starts we are we are dropped right in the middle of an action scene which I think is very smart and fun you are true that that is actually my note but they ruin it almost immediately by doing the hey we're all in a shot

hey everybody stop and look at us in a shot I always that slow-mo practically freeze frame to me feels so roadrunnery I expect a little title like I want the titles I want the little Bing

I want the little I want all that but I owe that I will say I have cooled on that shot and I think it's because the last time I watched this I hadn't yet come back around to the Aung Lee Hulk

which by the way C.R. Hulkman Terry very fun time. Rock and roll movie. That movie it's really laying on the comic book look of it all. like almost like quite literally with the paneling and everything and that shot for me in this movie kind of is that vibe you would see a big cool half page wide panel of all the Avengers doing this so for me since my complaint a lot of a lot of the time with these movies is like it doesn't feel like a comic book movie enough or it's taking itself a little too seriously in some regards for me the fact that that felt comic bookie to me now I was like well by your own rules that you've been setting up for 20 years you got to fucking you got to abide by it dude no wait So there's a, there's a courtroom drama of you against you.

Jupin versus Jupin in your head about, well, look, can you like this movie? Because I don't want to sound like an asshole. Well, you're too bad. We're already there, baby. Well, listen, okay. No, Chris, just for the record, people only really hate you talking about these movies. The rest of us, they're fucking fine. And we always get lumped in.

We'll all hang together. That's the problem. Everybody thinks we're the same person. Yeah, well, we'll defeat our audience together. That'll be our big dramatic. moment. But what I like about the start of this is they're fighting regular guys and I can actually see and understand what's happening. Because a guy on a motorcycle being tossed around,

I get that. I see it every day in real life. But if there's like a glob versus a glob, I start my eyes glaze over when the globs fight the globs. But if the glob is fighting a little guy and he's throwing him around, I like it. And we're in a snowy place. I do think that this movie would, speaking of title cards, would benefit drastically from title cards of places that we're going because Whedon isn't a great filmmaker

it's not like Mission Impossible where if we're gonna go to Rio or something like you'll just sort of do a big sweeping shot of Rio and like oh I'm in Rio like when we go to Seoul I'm like I guess I guess we're in Seoul like it takes you so long to realize they're in Italy at some point

or at least it was filmed in Italy like I'm not sure where I am and when we're in Socovy at the end I'm like is this I guess is this Socovia? And through that point, Steve, is they're constantly speaking in English, even to the regular people that live there. Like in Socovia, the little robots are just like speaking in English. And these people aren't really understanding it. I guess they're supposed to be understanding it.

But I feel like they wouldn't know what the hell is being said. The beginning of Captain America Civil War is when they start doing the big titles. The Russo Brothers brand, here's where we are. It's a great idea, dude. Is that where they come in, the Rousseau's, when they... No, they're a Winter Soldier. Oh, okay. Which is before this movie, but it's so funny, Chris, because also the devil's dance

that you do when we start talking franchises and my dumb ass starts watching other movies other than the one we're talking about, I was like, wait, but they do do the titles. No, they don't. That is Civil War, which I also watched yesterday the same day as I watched this movie. They learned it. I mean, and we've got a lot of fallout from the Captain America, movie where we're fighting Hydra where we're talking

about Shield a lot and what's going on in Shield but we also know you're never going to watch that. We smartly know you're never going to watch that TV show and we can't bring Phil Colson back here because it actually kind of negates the last movie so we're just going to pretend whatever's happening there is sort of

it's over there which is a smart movie because that show got canceled because nobody cared I mean they fucking went a while that show got canceled because nobody cared after like six seasons on the other That shit ran for a long time. They got a ghost rider in that show. They couldn't figure it out on the big screen.

They fucking got a ghostwriter fucking in the agency shield. But so we're fighting Hydra in a snowy thing. And it's like James Bond E with the Avengers, which is fun. You know what I mean? Like it's a fun opening action sequence. I think this, you know, Marvel is very, and many movies do this now, farming out to multiple CGI companies to get it done in time

whoever was doing this part didn't do a great job whoever did the Hulkbuster fight looks so much better by comparison with daylight I would say I think it's I think with the snowy like it's a very gray scene and like I think because it's like

it's hydropays and we're getting we're learning where everybody is again right or like Iron Man is fucking Duncan on Captain America with the fucking oh you're late watch your language shit. You have,

Romanov and Hulk, like, oh, actually, they're kind of a thing now. And, like, you have your spots

set up before you get into the base and get Strucker and find the Tesser Act. Okay, so Barron Strucker, I got to talk about this. Your favorite character,

I imagine? Of course, but... Is it a monocle? Come on. A classic. This is what I wanted to talk about is that monocle.

It's a tactical monicle. It is a monocle by O. Great. Fantastic. Yes, it is, though. It's exactly like where Cyclops gets his visor that's, I would go to the monocle as well.

Yes. The monocle line or is just the ruby red glasses like, which one do I go? Some guys who are fancy want to be at the poker table with the full Oakley guys. And you got to, you know, you got to match a little bit. Here's the thing, too, the way around their whole we can't

say mutant thing. Because like, in the X-Men world, like the two maximum Twins are just born that way as mutants are. In this, it's like, Strucker is like making them through his experiments with Loki's thing. He calls them the, we're saying

the enhanced a lot. Sure. Yep. So what I wonder, because is this 2016? What year is this? 2015. 2015. Okay. It has started because I wonder, why don't you just call them Q? And I'm like, oh, I know why you don't call them just Q because of the country that you're in

and what's popular in the country at that moment. Oh, wait, Q an honest stuff, is that what you're saying? If it's Quicksilver, why not just call him Q and have it be a cute thing? No, no, no, no. But this is... But 2015, Chris, you're writing this movie in like

2013. Well, yeah, but it's coming to pass. Q, where we go, we go fast instead of all or whatever their stupid slogan was. The Black Widow Hulk stuff starts here. I always find this whole routine where it's like, sun's

going down, big guy. I'm like, should I be watching this? Like, this is getting very it's just like Hulk SMR. Yeah, so they, oh, give him a lullaby. I'm like, this is getting weird baby shit, dude. Yes, well, that's how we, that's the only way you could shoot or something. But her like, or something.

My mother said that to me. Her little arms on his big green Yes, it's gross It's really gross I kind of get it though Like it's intimacy That's why it's gross That's why everybody's like

Ew, that's actual tenderness No Not in my fucking Marvel movie Get it away for me It's still a little tiny girl And a big giant monster dude That's gross It's beastiality

They're not fucking Like Eric I know we're all making I know we're destroying The line between text and subtext these days, but there is no fucking. They're not fucking. They are fucking behind the scenes. You cannot tell me they're not, Chris.

I do appreciate that it actually exists. There is a romance between characters that is blossoming. You know what I mean? Like that's, and that they have scenes where they confront it. And that's, that is really helped. Like, not just fucking like, oh, do you want to fuck me? Yeah, I want to fuck you. Like,

that's the rest of these idiots. No, this is something that's actually like, you're you know, you're a guy who has been inside himself all of his life come out a little bit I need you to come out a little bit be inside her for a change and then to like make that nurture that relationship on screen

and make it blossom you see they sent him into space and then they killed her okay that that is true like so many of these things the black widow fantasy sequence with the red room and the ballerina thing oh with a Julie

scenes deleted Delphi what was that I thought I was watching a trailer for one of those John Wick movies in the middle of this. It's kind of just what it is, dude. Russian people teaching little girls how to kill while under the guise of doing ballet. Trailer for Black Widow like a decade before the movie came out. Yes, and because they never got their shit together. They're like, nobody wants to see a movie about a girl.

I guess we'll do it after the pandemic. Well, you know, I would be more, if you didn't call her a gnat through this whole goddamn movie, I'm sorry if that's your nickname and you like it, but I can't be here at Nat. I think about a Greek diner owner when I think of that. name. It kind of sounds like a you problem, dude. Well, a little bit.

But so, yeah. Oh, hey, Matt. I just, it's, ugh. They beat the bad guys. There is a lot of anti-Avengers sentiment in Carcosia, which is awesome because the Iron Legion shows up,

which is a product of the end of Iron Man 3, and they start, like, helping out or whatever. These robots are, yes, these are the robots that are speaking English, telling them to do whatever. And all these, like, Carcosian people are like, Avengers go home. Get out of your adventure. Leave now. I mean, but it's, I'm just trying to fucking, you know, make a humble meal.

This fucking robot is telling you where to go. I don't know. Shouting English at me. Like, what sovereignty does this robot have over me? That's terrifying. We elected Barron Stryker, Fair and Square, palp. I love the line that Stryker has that the Americans sent us circus freaks to test us. It's true. These are fucking freak shows. And they're not for the U.S. government, but they sure seem like they are. Do you know what I mean? Like it's one of those things like, no, no, no, we just live in America and we do all the

what America wants. It's fine. My favorite thing in this whole first section is there's like Banksy-esque portraits of like Iron Man or the different Avengers doing bullshit like through all this. You see him in the background. I'm sure that's like all this. And later on, there's when, spoiler alert, when Stricker dies and gets assassinated. No. Off screen.

Well, no, you see, well, you see a picture of it. You see a picture. Yeah. You see, it's, you see the aftermath. It's bullshit. I agree with Steve. Kill him on screen. The joke that the iron, but Iron Man is like, oh, and look, he did a Banksy. And I'm like, motherfucker, you just did that. You just did it. That's your classic move. Uh, but yeah, that's the Wheeden stuff. That's what I'm talking about. Like, that Banksy line is a weeding thing. And I wanted to pull hair off my arm just to distract myself. It's really, I mean, I feel like it's, uh, uh, just watching a lot of NBA because the playoffs, like he, I think in Avengers, he's like six for ten. Uh, in he, 60% shooting 60% from the line there of a three point line. Here it's like 30%. Like there are some honest to goodness groaners and we will go through them. So, but he makes a captain, that's sort of my issue with this part is like, Captain America makes such short work of Strucker himself. It's like, okay. And then he gets killed off screen. So I'm like, what was that? Like that's just the thing. The thing. of like the problem with some of these movies is when you're trying to do this elaborate puzzle that you can't ever put together

right you're gonna just like kind of sweep stuff under the rug and be like well I don't want to do that Barrett fucking struck her movie okay well I guess he'll just get punched comically and murdered by a robot off screen. It's because you have too many characters you have too many characters but I will credit this movie for

developing this villain Ultron Ultron Ultron Alton Osk Connor Crandle you have one villain and he ends in this movie I know we set up the guy that's never ending in the trail and the stinger in the end

but it's fucking refreshing to see a villain show up be made and die in one film consistent and it's just it's most it is mostly just him you know there's other little tiny things but it's mostly just him yeah it does actually harkered when he has his scene like recruiting the twins unfortunately I have to call them the twins.

Twins. Is that he, that almost feels like Batman returns-ish. You know what I mean? Like, oh, here's the penguin meeting, catwoman and they're going to,

you know what I mean? He's like, come to my side, kind of, like that's almost like quaint comic book movie stuff at that, at this juncture in the game. The meeting up,

yeah, scene is like that. I would agree. And then there's this, I was not caring for Loki's Scepter either, that we were like, again, like,

cleanup basically is the beginning of this movie like I feel like once we get back to Avengers Tower it starts in earnest. I think that's what I was not and because I couldn't have seen it like that when I first saw it because I think I maybe only seen this once since the original

theater experience and I think the problem was that like I didn't know it started this early that we were cleaning with that we that the cleanup shit started happening. Right. And finding out that it did happen so early really depressed me. and like finding out like even this early we were already getting ready to be like

well yeah we got to take care of that and then we have to set up this and then we have to do this and the other thing and the other thing and that thing I did not get a chance to rewatch the event the first Avengers before doing this but so Loki Scepter I guess is a hanging thread and that's the main main weapon in that move and now and now we discover there's computer stuff in there and we got to like harvest the computers out of it the little diamond the little a banos diamond yeah yeah we should see the twins make their presence known here quicksilver fucks with hawkeye

and I think causes him to get Maxima Petty Maximum Aaron Taylor Johnson who's not doing a great job Oh Craven the Hunter you mean Yeah Craven the Hunter Thank God And also like the I think the effects of his speed look very not good

And it's not they looked better in the X-Men Days of Future Past with that actual quicks. Oh, yeah. Oh, much better. Which came out after this movie or before? Maybe before, I would say. That guy was, he didn't do a Borat voice, did he? Is he supposed to be a, no.

That's not from a Borat country? Paul American eyes. It's 2014 and that movie actually still holds up and also directed by a monster, if you can believe it. Which monster was that? The Brin singer still. Singer came back. Oh, right, yes. It seems like every director you see these days.

I'm throwing out all my James Tobac movies. What am I going to do with these? Throwing out all my James Tobac. I am my signed VHS of the pickup artist here and now it's God. Oh yeah, I have a framed poster one sheet of every James

Tobach. Oh yeah, dude, we're just to-back heads. We love, we love to- we were going to do a whole we love Tobac month. We couldn't do it. It is unfortunate that his one really great movie is called Fingers. That is just not good. Got him into trouble.

Made him his money and got him into trouble. I don't know that I've seen fingers. Andrew, you'll know this. The beat that my heart skipped is a remake of it. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Weird. Oh, wow. So is this on Pornhub that you're saying?

It's actually, if you pay for it, it's Pornhub Ultra. So, yeah, the other thing out of this carcogia scene here as we're fighting and whatever is, Scarlet Witch starts going around and putting little spells on all of it. of them. Well, no, this is the first... That doesn't happen here. No, a different fucking part. She doesn't, she does it to Iron Man first.

That's all right. He sees the team in rubble dead. Yes, it kicks this off, which is interesting because her little move here, you know, in just trying, you know... Yeah. I don't know now if the movie confirms or not, but like, it is, it winds up being, like,

the inciting incident for everything that follows because the nightmare of seeing everybody dead And all the Chithari aliens from the First Avengers going through the portal again, he gets spooked, thus getting him to think, oh, we could use this AI that I found to bring back the Ultron project. Now, do all the bad guys know that Ultron's in this thing and that's going to force Tony to do it? Or is it just, it's just an accident that their winds up happening. Basically, like, they have this big Chetari monster thing there, which is kind of like, I love that we're going back in this. this movie, it's like, uh, the 1800s, like, we'll just take whale come and make fucking lamps out of it. You know what I mean? Like, they're trying to do that with this

big Chetari monster. And, uh, in doing so, they're just trying to like figure out what they can and they know there's something inside the scepter, but they can't unlock it as seems to be the idea. But Scarlet Witch in seeing this seems to know that by giving, letting him take the, the Tesseract spear. Yeah. That something bad, that what she wants will happening if he takes it because in this moment they're telling him let's stop him we want the tesseracto she's like let him take it i got an headache listening to all this the only reason i remember this so clearly is because then it's like the most awkward title card avengers age of ultron and i'm like yes it's because it's quicksilver or peter says uh yeah

we're just going to let him take it and like tony puts an ironman glove on and grabs it and It is a weird, like, the spear goes across, or the scepter goes across the frame, and, like, Avengers Age of Ultron, like, follows it in text. It's weird. And now we're, like, we're on the Quintet where, you know, Hawkeye has hurt. We're trying to fix that thing. And again, the movie has started. Like, I feel like this is when, like, when we're going and we go, we're A,

because we have other markets we have to worry about. We have Dr. Cho, who's, I think, actually, a fine character, if she was a character. Yeah, that would be great. It's just underneath there, too. many characters. But, like, this is a thing where, like, this can just be, it's weird because I feel like when these movies highlight any person, we're like, oh, there's another character.

But, like, this lady, this Dr. Helen Cho is, like, just a little bit above an NPC scientist's character. So I don't include this in the too many characters racket because it's basically an extra with four lines. Right, just like Kobe Smolders. You could combine those characters Maybe Ultron's terrorizing her later Shield's secret doctor

They're all doctors, dude She should have a secret medical degree honestly Or actually less Colby Smolder It would be fucking fantastic She doesn't need to be in this movie She has a cool action scene In that first Avengers movie Where she's racing the Humvee

Like out of the collapsing base and everything That's pretty cool She does not need to be here She's basically because like since Shield is dead right? In Winter Soldier, you find out that all of Shield is basically just a bullshit infiltration of Hydra. So she's out of a job. She's like, their fucking

office manager in this movie. I guess she's making like, what, 60 grand a year from Todi Stark possibly? Oh, no, that's the other thing, dude. Even the fucking Stark knows to pay people, right? Like, even the janitorial in that building is making six figures. No doubt about it. I'd like to think so.

I'm a little skeptical about that. These rich guys, yeah. We wind up going to Avengers Tower. This is when Tony realizes he can and again I like when we're talking about not every idea Tony Stark has is a good one it's like I'm going to use this to do AI

essentially which is yes as we know an evil thing another movie saying it's bad to do until it's good because you make the good robot the problem is I like the vision as much as anybody else but he does undercut any message this movie might have Tony is

right that is Tony is always right as he usually is you get the very cute Jarvis is my co-pilot sticker beginning of the cute shit and I will say I like they got the doctor for the Korean market and all that

I like that they fucking nailed down the Italian market by having opera be the thing that calms him down dude like we are going to see Hannibal Lecter in his cell you've got Bruce Banner and you can't tell it first

that it's headphones because it's just like you're looking at the beautiful Avengers Tower office building and then like you're hearing the music and it's just playing and I was like oh is it like over the speakers or something and then you see the Hulk beats by dray Mark Ruffel has definitely just got the beats by dray

front and center of that camera frame this under armor t-shirt that Tony Stark wears this movie should have its own credit it's its own it's shirty the fun shirt that he wears these are really exciting products I'd like to explore perhaps after the film you know what I got it

You know what? They showed some, they didn't go all out because they could have put like green and black beats headphones. Like that is something I feel in like 1998

you would have 100% had. Like everything has got to be color steamed for him. But so basically he's like, oh, this can get us Ultron. And everyone's like, oh,

what's Ultron? And basically it's like, it's going to be a net that can control, stop all the bad guys and we'll eventually, which would be good, make the

Avengers not need it anymore because we've got you know they can do whatever they want to do right a suit of armor around the world that's it yeah imagine like an iron curtain if you will

iron dome yeah an iron dome is one more maybe but the clock is ticking because Thor is like hey that scepter is like from my culture would love to get that back to my world

before it goes in a British museum and We've got a museum up there where we want to take it to Asgardian Museum of Art would really love it. Oh, do you think it's all like shit from places they've conquered like we do? Oh, absolutely. So there's like a frost giant statues that. Right, a Honda Civic. Cat Dennings isn't just in glass.

Oh, please. Why not? No, so he's like, okay, you can like analyze it for a little bit and then I'm going to take it. And Stark says, he doesn't say to everybody, by the way. It's very important. And he's only talking to Bruce Banner right here. He's like, we can't tell the other people because we're going to fucking politic it into the ground here. I'm telling you, it's important that we do this

and we have to do it now because they need the power of the SEPter to download all the data because we're told, for whatever reason, Jarvis isn't strong enough to do it. So they start, like, you know, doing it right away or whatever. And again, it is all motivated by this fucking fake vision that was put in his head. Just tell me, buddy, just listen to me right now, okay, buddy? you and

you and Nat could fuck it could happen buddy I'm not kidding you don't got worry about her jar or nothing that's gonna be fine I'm working on a dick shrinker some toy yeah no Loki Scepter

unlocked the power of dick shrinking so we're gonna get you right where you need to be buddy it's got cold water in there what's going on I mean I just feel like he's like just telling Bruce because Bruce is the only one who can like understand

his bullshit talk because he's an actual scientist is. And I have to phase like, I will tell you anything to let me fucking make this Ultron so that I can go home and fuck fucking Gwyneth Paltrow and be a fucking normal person for five minutes. Oh right. She's not even in this. Not in it. We got the party here, which is great. It's, this is when, man, there is, you want to talk about groaners. There's a moment when I think it's like just the male Avengers are talking about like fighting whatever. And then Colby Smolders is just like, oh, testosterone. Oh, man.

Oh, I'm like, I want to throw up. It's compounded, dude. I'm sorry, we got to fucking, got to wind the tape back here a little farther, Jim, to get the full example of the replay because the fucking scene is, Colby Smolders is like, so Tony Stark and Thor, where are your girlfriends? Oh, right. Yeah, not in this movie. Uh-huh.

And it turns into this like, oh, well, Pepper's busy running Stark Enterprises. And it's like, oh, yeah, well, Jane Gordon, to do a big sciencey talk at the university dude. What are we, are we 15 years old? Why is it asking you about your girlfriend? Dr. Cho asks Hawkeye. Oh, do you have a girlfriend?

Oh, is that little girl you're next to you're girlfriend? Eric, demographics is destiny. That is where, like, it has to act like that. That's a person you're talking to. It has to sound like that. Well, I think it's a perfectly acceptable the question to be like

oh hey where's your lady friend you're riding solo to this victory party and that's not what I am fucking balking at what I'm barking at is the fucking like oh yeah well I got this oh yeah Jane's done this oh Jane's done this and well yeah you know Jane is actually being stalked by Moby

right now and I had to go tell that guy what was what yeah had to get Jane off planet because that bald freak wouldn't leave her alone don't get me stared at Don't get me standing on Jonathan Saffran for you. Don't get me standing on him. Everything's illuminated.

My fist's going to be illuminated in your face, motherfucker. Extremely loud and incredibly feck and annoying. Crikey. What a loser. Call it and breathe it on the phone. I'm like, mate. She's with me, mate. She's with me, mate.

Dude, and here's the thing. And the button on that, which we mentioned, it's not that Jos Whedon invented this. No. But I'm fairly certain you can find it. at least a handful of Buffy episodes where this exact thing happens to testosterone.

Oh, the cough and I'm saying the word. Just the testosterone as a joke is so mid-90s Murphy Brown. Dude, but that is him being a feminist. That's his feminist shit. Exactly. I think he should replace girlfriend. Listen, if you're over 30,

don't say girlfriend. Yeah, that's fair. You could say ladyfriend, partner. I will say, speaking of partners, get a wife, wife it up already. You're an adult. Everyone's like, oh, you know, where's Jane, where's whatever? And then everyone's got to be like, who is the guy that cat brought, this, this young, that young hot dude? Like, what's going on there?

He said he met him while running. Steve's really adjusting to the 21st century. I told, I, dude, I told you, look at them. They're so cute together. Look at them. I can't recall. I mean, a Falcon is definitely farting around that Winter Soldier movie, I believe, but I don't know, like, how much we've actually had Emily Mac at this point.

No, he's, he's like a big part of that. That's the Falcon origin story. Yeah, okay. One is one is Winter Soldier. And also we get our, of course, Stanley cameo. Oh, yeah. It's a funny joke that, like, all these old men, it's like this hip young party and all these old vets are there, which is kind of super is. It's fucking Captain America's war buddies.

I love that touch. to it. I really do. I think it's super cool. Like Steve Rogers still looking like he was during the war and then these dudes are all old, but he still invites him to the Rager. They fucking take a fucking drink of like the stuff that Thanos had at his

wedding. Yeah. It's like fucking, they all died immediately. Oh no. They survive somehow. Thor says it's a thousand years old. It's not made for mortal men. And Stanley's well, neither was Omaha Beach. Bondi. Yeah. Stop trying to

garush. I got to say. Oh, no, please. Well, then he gets wasted and says Excelsior. There it is. He should be dead. Second of all, just a little research today. Stanley was in the U.S. military during World War II, never deployed,

was always in the United States. Jack Kirby did deploy and was at Omaha Beach. A little bit of stolen valor. Major stolen valor. Take that hat off, dude. See, in this latest Avengers movie, They're not going to tell you, but I'm actually playing Jack Kirby.

That's right. They don't even let you play yourself, Kirby, because you're fucking dead, you son of a bitch. I get to take the drink because Kirby was a miserable drunk. Hey, Agnes Kirby, can I borrow that Purple Heart Jack got doing whatever the fuck he was? It'll be look cool in the movie. It'll look good in the movie. You understand that bravery is for losers, right? You get that?

That all spelled out for you now? Yeah, yeah, I'll bring the Purple Heart back. where is it? Ah, never mind. She'll be dense. Dowdy wanted to look at it. He kind of never gave it back. So I felt awkward asking for it.

Sorry, Agnes Kirby. Maybe call his agency. I don't know. Call his agency. By the way, Falcon, I want to really just quickly touch on Falcon. Please, sir.

Matthew here. Touch him up. This has been a story we've been telling the Falcon guy for over 10 years. Yeah. The latest movie to what? Winter Soldier he was it? This is spaining.

It feels like, well, it is literal decades of my life are spent with the Falcon. I don't like that. Well, that's the way. I agree with that. And I do think that that's kind of the problem with this movie, too. Like the whole Black Widow of it all, they set up this cool Black Widow movie. It looks kind of cool. It takes them 12 years to make it.

And she's already dead in the continuity. You know what I mean? Like, they just trip over themselves by writing these checks. And just like, if you just make it, one movie at a time, you'd be in such better shape. But Steve, they answered that quandary by making the multiverse so nothing matters. That's even

better, you're right. But also in this, just to wrap up the intro of the party here, this is going to take a while. I'll talk about this movie I can see. Is the banner, Romanoff, flirting over drinking cosmopolitans with one another? I'd be like,

I mean, it's fine. You know, I'll take the vodka and the quantro and the cranberry and the lime. Like, it's great. But on the next round, could you not make me this? It's a terrible cocktail. Well, the banner can't have whiskey. That he gets real. Oh, that's true. That'd be a problem, my dare. Neutral spirits only with this guy. Exactly. Light. Judiper based. You don't, you do not want his schvance to expand at the party. No. Whiskey and tequila, I would say, are off the table for sure. Those are no-go. I think a fun sequence is the hammer bit. You know what I mean? Who could lift the hammer.

What was this hammer? called again Marjorie or something? It's Marjorie. Margarineer or something? Mjolnor. If it was Mallory Taylor Green, no one would want to pick it up. Yeah, if you picked up that hammer, you'd have to own some shitty gym in Florida. Oh, wait.

Oh, wait, this fucking thing talks. No, thank you. Dude, you just pick up the hammer and it's got gross little lips on it. It just goes, Jewish space laser. You know what? You can have the fucking place. You rule over you go rule with this fucking mouth hammer people don't like when we talk politics

let me just say for those patriots out there she's an American hero now we can move on unencumbered or the other half fuck off so but it's a fun little bit who can lift up the hammer it's kind of humorous that Thor gets

a little nervous that when Captain America it's actually they should have a side felty a bit like it moves it moved it moved right yeah although you know we get Tony Stark telling a rape joke here with the reinstating prima nocta if he can lift it on

his guy, then he's going to be terrorizing all the ladies up there. That's a real Josh Wooden at the line. Oh, another brick. That's just Whedon being like, guess what words I know? Prima and Nakta. Yes, that's exactly

what it is. I know words. I know words. You know what that? You remember that fun part of Braveheart? Yeah, Prima put that in the script Sweden is over the limit and we'll have to go to the line

But so yeah At this junk Whilst this is happening Ultron is waking up And here comes James Spader The fucking MVP of the film Yeah, of course Absolutely love love you James

And it's I love his whole like waking up like Where am I? What's been going on? And then like Jarvis starts talking to him And for a while you're watching like a blue and a yellow globe of information talk at one another and honestly

fascinating than some other, more fascinating than some other conversations between real people in this movie. Better than most of the movie is this little exchange because like Spader, like A, it's such a great casting to have a guy who is just like had a very similar trajectory

as Robert Downey Jr. And has a similar like voice and being able to play it. It's so beautiful. It's a dark Robert R.D.J. Yes. and he has the artist, the language, like the language itself is what's interesting in this scene, and I'm like, oh, ooh, subtlety, oh my God! And again,

we've been shitting on him a lot, rightfully, so I do think that he's good with villains. I think Wiedon is... Because he's one of them. Smell your own, you know, you know it. Yeah. Like, his Loki is better than most Loki's, you know what I mean? That's written the way that Loki actually operates in that film, and this villain as well,

operates much better than most MCU villains. I love the debut of this, because they, yeah, It interrupts the Who Can Pick Up the Hammer Gag Everyone just hears all this like Feedback in the room and they're like what's going on And you see Ultron walking out And like I love

Janky Ultron Because he reminds me of a robot version Of how they drew Groundskeeper Willie In that Treehouse of Horror where he's doing Freddy When he's like He's burning and he's a skeleton

And he's yelling at him That looks exactly like Janky-ass Ultron and it's so funny. That's a great poll. I hadn't even thought that one. And he's got the great line here because R.D.J. goes, Ultron. And he goes, in the flesh or no, not yet, which is, it's awesome. It's so awesome. And some brand synergy because we're owned by Disney.

We could use the Pinocchio song. So, you know, hey, man, if you got the rights to it, go for it. You think, I thought this was a direct reference to Gamer 2009. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. where they sing that. Terry Cruz, I believe, sings that. Six years later, and we were still crazy about the movie Gamer. We absolutely were, yeah, changed the cultural landscape.

It did. So this is a great, you know, Ultron mentions the mission. I think our DJ then says, what mission? And he goes, peace in our time. And he has hijacked the Iron Legion, which flies through the wall out of the basement, and we got a big fight here or whatever. They all get knocked on their ass or whatever. I love Banner and Romanoff going.

over the bar and dude this poor nervous scientist just landing face first in her tits is amazing like he just gets a bosom shot like it's a 1980s boob comedy right here i kind of wish it happened a little earlier in the party or the uh the american legion we're still there because then the american legion to fight the iron legion and it'd be great to just watch all these old vets get lit up by space robots that really just i mean it would add stakes and like captain americans America's like, you took out my entire fucking squadron. Those men were in their 80s. How dare him?

We're going to do to you what we did to those villains on Omaha Beach. What, I'm bifurcated? How did that happen? I had months to live after this, and you stole them from me. You know what? Sorry, Agnes Kirby. In shooting that my death scene, I got squibs all over your husband's Purple Heart. So instead of bothering to try to clean it, I mean, what a waste of time.

I just threw it in the garbage quite naturally. No, yeah, I let them film, you know, Agnes, I let them film at the gravesite. I'd hope you don't care. They did get some squib juice on the tombstone itself, and I told them that they could leave it, because, you know, he would love that. We chiseled his name off of it, too, and then we forgot to put it back, and then we couldn't find it again. It just says Stan Lee on his screen.

Because the fans would like, you know, it's kind of fun for the fans to see that. So you understand, Agnes. You know, pictures, you know, the young ones, they like the selfies, and they see Stan Lee with a little happy face at Jack's Gravesite. And then in the little corner, I put a 75 cents. That's what the comics used to cost, and that's what his life was worth.

But it is a great, be careful what you wish for. You always have to make sure that you write your robot code and words your wishes appropriately, right? because Tony's whole thing is like Ultron, I want Ultron to save the world. What is the greatest threat to the world? Hugh fucking Manity. So of course

Ultron realizes the path to peace is the Avengers extinction followed by humanity and you know what guys? I had not watched this movie in a really long time and at the end of it the other night Ultron's got some good ideas. Ultron! Look at what we are in right now.

Ultron is on the right side of history. No, I got to be anti-robot right now. I am living in age of Ultron in Jersey City. These fucking Uber-eats little robots that are doing deliveries, it's a nightmare. There's tiny little, they look like little, I guess Amazon has them too, but they're all, because Jersey City is a very walkable city.

I guess we're a test city for these things. Oh, shit. They're tiny little robots for fucking food delivery that are stealing jobs from people that still have families. And I have to worry about a fucking blinking robot, walking, driving past me. Some dude the other day was leading on his horn because this thing was taking too long

to cross the street. I love that. Dude, he should have fucking jammed on the gas pedal. There goes your Taco Bell order under my wheels. But, you know, we live in an interesting and changing time. And don't worry, Andrew, I think humanity that will activate an AI like Ultron.

We've been practicing all of our AI prompts. Oh, that's fun. If I just write it really long, they won't kill humanity maybe right they'll get confused no i think ultron i mean if we were to make an ultron at this i mean it would be of the tech leaders we have currently i mean i think it probably would just like it turns on and it's like yeah okay and he goes and buys like a monster energy drink and watches the latest ufc championship and like and and just hangs out that's probably what he would

do or it'd be like that robocop two uh sequence where the where one of the robots rips its head off and screams and does. Yes. That sounds right. I love that. I'd watch that. So, long story short, everybody finds out that Tony was the cause of this. Everybody gets pissed off at Tony. Tony's defense is, look, the event in New York

City, which was the events of Avengers 2012, is like the big wake-up call. More of those things are fucking coming. That's the end game. He does. We could find ourselves in an infinity war. If you're not careful, you will find yourself in an Infinity War. That movie was

never going to be called Endgame, but it is because that's the way you make sequels ladies and gentlemen. You watch the last movie and you take from it. You don't have to set everything up. You work off the writing. And frankly, it's been interesting watching these two movies now because they're the first times I've seen them since, you know,

watching Infinity War and End Game. And even in that first Avengers, they set up like, you know, what Stark will ultimately do at the end of end game by planning the seed with like, well, you'd never sacrifice your life for what you said like they do start doing that which is really interesting and yes because those movies way that far out weren't planned as much like you can use the previous writing to build on it as opposed to like trying to just plug in holes where you told a bunch of kids in an auditorium in san diego you were going to do stuff that's the funniest thing about that first movie is like the the way that they're all like and this goes to uh your thing eric about how stupid this fucking the space shit is it's because the whole thing is like, oh, we might not, before phase two even happens, they might snuff us out.

Face two? Have you heard of phase two? We're going to do it. And it's like, it's dropped like seven times. And I'm like, it's weird. Already guys? God damn it. And you know, I also, I'm not down with them having Star Destroyers either. I feel like you're doing such fantastical stuff. Now you're telling me that the government has Star Destroyers. Like, oh, my. It's all magic, baby. It's all magic. It's just, it's a bridge too far. You're, I'm suspending disbelief every single nanosecond in this. We're yelling at each other for Stark's betrayal. Thori tries to choke him because also now the Scepter is missing.

Dude, they're going to have my ass at the museum. I was supposed to have it by Friday. They've printed the leaflets already. They're displaying it. We're selling advanced member tickets to the viewing. It's got to be there, mate. Now I want to hear James Spader say, you lost today, kid. I think you get the, this is when, isn't this when Ultron picks up the Maximoff's?

Yeah, Ultron pieces out and they destroy the body, but as we're told, he used the internet to escape, which is very funny. It's still very 2050, like, it's not exactly, because he's just like, well, he's going to, use the internet now and I was like oh no not the internet oh my god he's talking to your kid in the AOL chat room right now I think this part of the movie should be longer I want to see him reconstitute and establish himself

in Socovia maybe kill Strucker not striker He does kill Strucker I need to see it Chris I agree I need to see it He does reconstitute and now because we've seen the Transformers movies this robot's got beautiful lips

and I don't understand why. I don't like the lips. I don't understand why robots, whatever. Because it's not like he has a tongue. It's not like the way, he doesn't have teeth. The way that he's speaking isn't integral to his mouth.

So he shouldn't have lips. Just a circle with a speaker in it. That's fine. Exactly. I think he should have had like a robot mustache like some of those transformers. Because he's like kind of a military guy. Sure.

Yeah. You want him to look a little menacing. Like a big fucking, a metallic doctor Robotnik big mustache would be awesome. I like that too. I mean, it's the same thing with fucking everything. It's the same thing with the Teenage Mutia Turtle movies where it's like, rather than make a creative decision and like make, think about what would look correct, they're just like, well, what would actually happen? What would actually, what would that actually look like? Well, you know what, let's try that. I know, I know we're supposed to be imagining

things for a living, but fucking no, let's just do what probably would have. Two things here, man. Yeah, photorealism and smoothing are two of the worst trends to get into movie digital effects. Especially science. Science fiction. Science fiction.

But yeah, so anyway, we're called back to what is it? What is the fucking carcovia? Sarcovia. What is Carcocia? What is that? What am I saying? Carcocia, I believe, is the...

Is that the terminal? The terminal, thank you. Yes. Oh, okay. Catch a peck. Tony Stark Ketchup packet? Tony Stark live in airport

Ketchup packet? Oh, you've had so many ketchup packets, Tony. You think that you're, you think you're God now. You don't know what it's like to want ketchup packets anymore, Tony. You used to serve a Burger King

now, you must be one. Oh, man, that's torture. It's becoming a Burger King. We are in this church, at the center of town, yada, yada. This is where we get a little bit of, they hate Tony Stark because their town

was bombed when they were kids their parents were killed and they were severely injured and wouldn't you know it? It was a stark weapon that did the fucking deed. Of course. And I also love that like, we as moviegoers have to be like, wow, that's sad. But he did sort of apologize for that. I was like, no, that

doesn't matter. It really doesn't. Like, they have a legitimate beef. They're still allowed to be mad, yes. I also like a robot with religion. It's really fun. he's doing a lot of like, oh, my church will be this and my church. And I'm like, yeah, dude. I think I, again, I'm anti-robot, but if he was preaching, maybe I'd listen. I don't know.

Well, yeah, listen, I'll, I'll listen listen, I'll listen even harder if he's got a cool mechanical mustache. I'll say that much. That's the thing. That's a problem with these first wave robots that we're seeing on the street in Steve's neighborhood and everything. Yeah. Not psycho yet. That's, I need, I'm going to enjoy these robots.

I need them to be fucking crazy. But so she, yeah, Wanda Maximoff here is giving this whole monologue about what went down. And dude, even right here the start of you listen to it, like the start of the monologue to the end of this monologue, this accent is dissolving like sugar

and hot water. It is ridiculous. Just don't do it. Like, you know what I mean? Like, oh, yes. Actually, that happened in Sakovia. And actually, we moved to San Diego right after that when we were three. And we grew up there. You know, it's nice over there. It's nice. Oh, you heard Secovia? No, sorry. Saratoga.

I'm not, I'd say, I mean, that's a nice place. Because she is doing this Miss Kit Kudjit voice. Oh, yes. It is terrible. Now, did Scarlet Johansson ever do one of these Borat voices for her character? That went away, too, right? No, I had a misremembering, because I actually watched some Iron Man two scenes, just to be sure. Oh, okay.

She did not, because Florence Pugh does the voice. Definitely doesn't. And she's still doing it because actually she could actually pull it off, to be quite honest. He's good. Yeah. Don't they kind of explain that, though? Yes, there's just, like, Romanov, you know, was taken away at some point,

and whatever the fuck Flo Pugh's character name is, like she was, she stayed in the Russian area. So that's why it still sticks or whatever. Her and David Harbor have fun borat accents. Their sister just died. So, yeah, we're trying to look through all sorts of papers here, trying to figure out any clues or whatever. This is where we get the first.

of Wakanda and Vibranium being the strongest metal on earth. And then this is where we realize, oh, there's a big bulk of it sold to this arms dealer claw. And there is a good, this was a good one where Stark is like, oh, I know that guy. And they're like, oh, of course you know

the fucking illegal arms dealer. And he's like, what? There's conventions. You meet people. I never sold him anything. Fuck, we might have shared a woman, but hey, you know, these things happened inside Africa. Yeah, we had some, there was some Fargo sex, but that's as far as it went. It was a convention.

But yes, this is when we get to Claw and... We're told we're just on the African coast, by the way. I don't believe a country is mentioned. You're in a steep taker or something. Again, title card, please let me know. It just all it does, though, it's very much like a video game. It's just salvage yard. African coast.

Or it might just say salvage. There is a text that says salvage yard, I think, on the screen. I think there's a lot of coast on that continent. It's pretty big. But yeah, so he's doing a deal. Here comes. Andy Circus. Yes, and Ultron.

I like Ultron. Like, giving this guy money is like your friends, rich and your enemy's even richer. Like, now we're buddies. Oh, yeah. He just like ticks his head like a bewitched move. And he makes Andy Circus a billionaire in seconds because he just like mods computer accounts. Because keep in mind folks at home, remember, all like worth and value and whatever else. It's just all fake numbers made up.

It is. If you are a super, you know, computer god like Ultron is, I also, I think this is incredibly smart because you get everybody rich and then you check the vibes. Have the vibes stayed correctly? If they have not, then you've got something like I got kicked out of your whole group, man. It's got to go. I think also like the twins here are realizing they might be on the wrong side just by how greasy Andy Circus is.

They're like, I don't know if we want to be, I don't, does that mean we got to be greasy? Yeah, we're so, like, clean, cut and sexy, and this guy's disgusting. Those are really bad tattoos. You know what? No, I'm going to go know on this. Oh, that's right. He's been branded by the Wakandans for stealing. Beef.

Oh, right. Yes. So I do like here, another great Ultron reminding everybody in the room that he's a robot, because Claws like, I only speak with the man in charge. And then you see this Andy Circus get thrown out of a window, which is very funny. and here's Ultron, the robot, who just goes, there is no man in charge. Awesome. Bad ass, Ultron line.

And he like rips his arm. He cuts his arm off. Luckily, it's with a laser so it doesn't bleed. But he sure does lose his arm here. Points for, you know, limb ripping off. I'm always a fan. Dismemberment is always a plus. Thank you.

That's the word I'm looking for. The bleeding thing. You know, fine, whatever. but let's be clear here every time that cap is throwing that fucking shield at someone and it hits their face it's probably stick in there oh dude in most places it's probably just sticking there or going through it yeah that's a great point dude because he's throwing this vibranium fucking shield around it 100 miles an hour like an ace MLB pitcher and like every time the not every time but a lot of it is the reaction of like if you accidentally threw a frisbee at somebody and they

weren't looking yeah oh geez i just got hit with that plastic frisbee. No, sir. No, no, no, dead. All dead. That's why after 20 years of this, the boys hit so well, because you've been thinking it forever. I do, that's a great ultron line, is like, they took the most important, look at men, they took the most,

the strongest material in the world and turned it into a frisbee. Oh, right. That's awesome. I do love, I mean, this is another big fight, the Avengers kind of break up this deal, and this is when Scarlet Witch starts fucking with each and every one of them. Yes. We see,

the Black Widow ballerina room Captain America is on the set of the prowler for a little while that's fun Yes Yes indeed I wish Cap versus Prouler Dude that would have been a great movie

Shield versus angry pitchfork It saddens me to say I think prowler's going down Yeah I think I'm sorry to say At the end of Prouler Of the prowler I believe right No no it's the cop

is the cop that was going on the fishing trip. Oh, bummer, yeah. Okay. By the way, we have a syncable commentary track to the prowler, and it's a fun time. Oh, absolutely. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. You'll never salute Captain America. But, yeah, so I do love here, Thor is like, oh, be careful of everybody. She tried to enchant me. Fortunately, I am mighty, and he thinks like it didn't work on it. And then, like, he walks right into his, which is, of course, a big, hall and everybody's consuming

ale and this, that, the other thing and Idris Elba yells at him. I mean, Idrieffelba comes up to him with these whited out eyes, these, like, fogged out eyes. And like, I mean, he starts talking some wild shit to Thor about, like, you don't know what's going to happen.

It's because of you. And I'm like, I have been, with all three men in this room, I have been, they have been the clouded eye person to my Thor. And I have, I have often been the clouded eye person to their Thor in several other instances. So I was

kind of weirded out that Thor was so out of place. I'd be like, oh man, you're just drunk. That's fine. Or, yeah. Oh, I shouldn't eat in those brownies made by Chris Cabin. Oh, crap. You're talking to me, man. It's okay, but you're talking to me right now. No, you don't have to say Chris Cabot. It's just me. I do want to say, because we have a really,

I think the whole cast is of the Avengers is really good. You know what I mean? Like, it's a good. I don't think there's a weak link in the main group and that's sort of been oh please you got an objection no no I don't have objection at all I want to highlight the reason why you think that

is because at this point none of these actors are tired of playing these characters exactly very important because in the first two Avengers movies they like these movies they want these movies to succeed they're not bored and also the irony hasn't rotten rotted the movie's teeth you know what I mean

there is sincerity there is threat Chris Evans They need to rewrite this character as being from Kansas or something because I want them to be like, hey, forget about it. You know, real Brooklyn guy. But what's so funny, though, is Chris Evans is from like the Boston area and you can hear that a little.

It seeps through in this Captain America a little bit sometimes. But you're right, Eric, he should be mamami-ing all over the place. Just a little bit. He's even trying to move back to Brooklyn at the beginning of the movie. And he tells whoever he's like, it's all too expensive. I can't afford living. in Brooklyn now. And it's like, also, dude, I don't know. You're an adventure, man. Someone's going to buy you an apartment. That's another clickety-clack, Josh Whedon joke.

Ha-ha. Isn't it Brooklyn expensive? Yeah, I think you're totally right. We've been struggling from back there all night. Another brick! The other team is starting to definitely predict his every move. None of this is surprising. We do have, Iron Man confronts Ultron, like you're not getting away. And a great, I'm already gone, dude.

Yeah, oh, yeah. Are you gone? Yep, that's pretty badass. Because, of course, he has, after triggering all these people, who do they do last? The Hulk. They triggered the Hulk, and the Hulk is now out and about in Africa. Just out, you know, running around. And then this is where a lot of this.

Tell me where I am. Tell me where I am. Oh, yeah. City. Africa City, Africa City, Africa, of course. 3 a.m. Yes. Yeah, exactly.

Port City. 3 a.m. No, but then this is where it gets, and this is why I find the third act of the first Avengers movie a little tiring, like all the building destruction, the 75-9-11s, etc. It happens here with this Hulkbuster thing.

To the extent of they find like a Stark is like, oh, here's this building that's like still not completed. He has the line like, how fast can we buy this building? And they do a Iron Man's device scans the area. No humans in this construction site. Oh, good.

Because you know that means it's getting demolished. But what about everyone around the city? What about the shrapnel from blowing up a fucking building in the middle of the city? I guarantee you, look at the data in the next 10 years. Cancer rates are going to spike. We saw this.

We saw this with 9-11. We did indeed. With the smoke, people would be breathing in debris. People were breathing in computers on 9-11. Thank you, Avengers. Well, look, if it's overseas, though, when you're getting that stuff, at least you won't have smarmy fucking American politicians

denying you health coverage. That's actually true. As a first responder. That's what I was going to say. That's what I was going to say, is that the blip, I'm not sure if the blip has a John Stewart to really go and, like, someone who goes to bat for this shit

and is like, I'm going to show up for all the big fucking days and make sure somebody has a voice. I'll tell you what. If whatever, so obviously like Thunderbolts is done you know, so it's not going to, whatever the next one is after that, you do a John Stewart, but

he's making that speech about first responders of like whatever fucking Avengers event happened or something. I'll tell you what, I will gladly and proudly tack on another star and a half to whatever that movie is. Fair enough. It's a big Hulk fight. It does actually

matter to the movie, you know, at least it, like, you know what I mean, he it, it's the, we set up the Hulk leaving at the end of the movie, what he does afterwards is, is boring and nothing. But him actually leaving at the end of the movie is impactful, you know what I mean? Yeah. Feeling bad about the events

that he does. Because again, like, I'm sorry, 50 to 90 to maybe even 100 people are dead. Like, I'm sorry, all of the fucking shit he's doing just, you body slam someone through a building, someone's getting impaled with something else, no matter what. the cars we're throwing, Jesus Christ.

And believe me, when Captain America's Civil War starts up, we're very angry about that. Steve, we're very, very sad that that all happened. And we have Alfred Woodard here to tell you how fucking angry and sad we are about all this, because her fucking son died. That's what the whole movie is about. And I'm like, all right, man, we get it here. I think, like, already here you're like, everybody's dying.

And so, like, it's a huge car. up getting the Hulk under control and everything we're up in the Quinn jet and everybody's kind of like taking a breather and Maria Hill is like hey guys everybody hates your guts right now like literally around the world so why don't you lay low for a little bit and this is where Clint Barton Hawkeye himself Jeremy Renner says hey I know a place let's go to this safe house and then this is the much hated but I don't include myself in this series of scenes where we're at the Barton Farm Estate here and Linda Cardellini is Mrs. Hawkeye.

Oh, love it. Here's one problem I have with this is when he gets home and his is adoring wife and children. His adoring wife is like, you know, honey, I totally support. You're avenging. Yeah, that's not a great wife.

That's a weed and clunker, my friend. That right there, Eric, is a genuine article of a Joss Whedon clunker line. They're not even bothering to defend them from back there. It goes out. Oh, no! Someone has got to get on Linda Cardellini's back. Somebody's got to get in there.

Looks like they're trying to build a brick shit house because that's another capital B brick from Whedon. I do. Linda Cardalini is monstrously underwritten. She's just the benign wife character. For sure. Josh Whedon? What?

Are you saying, no, this is a Josh Sweden movie? And I was actually a little bummed when I saw this. because I always wanted the there's a really good series of Hawkeye books by Matt Fraction where Hawkeye is like a shit bag not a womanizer but just like a guy that like fucks around

we kind of that's what the Hawkeye series Disney Plus which is good they kind of have to like jam those two ideas together okay got it that's why his wife and kids aren't in there he's cheating on his wife in that TV show no I wish no it's more he it's just sort of like oh I want to go home for Christmas

but I'm stuck in New York as opposed to in the Hawkeye series he's just like a loser like fucking 30 year old dude like kind of a dumb dumb ass. John Candy in planes trains and automobiles both characters paying for it by the way I do think though

I like that they make and Renner is a good actor so it makes sense like he becomes the heart of the movie at this moment and like Linda Cardalini and the kids are window dressing totally get that but I you know what I mean like him having actually having a real life

There's like something that no one knows what to do with, almost. It instantly takes a character that you've given nothing and known nothing about, all of a sudden, this whole world that has intentionally been left secret. He says, like, part of my deal with Fury for signing onto the Avengers was like my family was kept out of all the files. So instantly, I think, like, just in this, there is all of these layers added on to the Clint Barton character, which is helpful for later when he is. It's kind of a little bit forthwally,

but also not when he's talking about a Scarlet Witch, and he's like, look how crazy this is. Like, I'm just a fucking dude with a bow and arrow and there's like robots everywhere. So it's like, it gives them a little more. That's why I don't mind it. No, no, I really like it. I mean, I think giving him heart is an important thing.

And like to what you said, Steve, like the fact that they don't know what to do with it because it's not something that can be bettered with efficiency brain. It's not something that can be, Like, if we could put this in the right way, it would really surprise people in movie 17. Like, that's not how you're thinking here. And that's why I think they don't know how to do it.

And that's why I honestly don't think they know how to fucking write their, like, a girlfriend or wife characters. Like, it's because, like, that is what you care about. And this stuff cannot be about, like, just the plot. It can't be about that. That's the whole point of these characters. Well, then the funny thing is the exact opposite thing happens with Thor right here because Thor sees the Barton's kids.

and he's kind of, like, freaked out. He thinks back to, you know, his home world and everything. And he literally just goes to Captain America like, uh, I got to go see about something. And he whips his hammer and he's, goodbye movie. It just reminded me of the opening of that museum. And there's going to be kids up there that want to go. That fuck, oh, that zipped. I'm going to be hearing.

I didn't want to check my email. Oh, my God, 90 emails from the museum. Where is it? They're going to be calling me Thoris. Sceptor son now. I have to go to see Stellen. Oh, no, he's like, I gotta go up and set up the whole Infinity Saga.

I'll be right back. You guys, you guys do character work, I'm gonna go set up the Infinity Saga. That's the thing is like, he just gets flushed to go do this other, like, it's like fucking teasers for the other movies within this, because his, one of the other things in his vision, we didn't really mention is

he sees all of the Infinity Stones and he has a quick, there's a quick shot of Paul as vision as well right here. So he's got all this plot on his mind and he's like, all right, you deal with the character development here. I'm really happy that Clint's got a family now.

That's great. But I've got to go further the plot for the next few movies. I'll see you later. Got to do the contract stuff. You understand. Because, like, honestly, like, getting Stell and Scars Guard

in those scenes with Thor and just being like, well, we're going to go to a little lake here and we're going to get electrocuted, and that's going to give us some more powers. And then we're going to see more. all of that stuff, and then maybe I'll be back for the conclusion. How about that? How about that, man?

He just gets electrocuted in a swimming pool, and that's basically the end of him until, like, the final battle. We're all set up, baby. We're all set up for phase three. He does have a further vision with more stones, and he sees the gauntlet and whatever else. But what's funny to me is, like, this is, I feel, one of the few times

where they actually chose characterization over moving the plot along, because they did shoot other stuff with Stell and Garzgard and Chris Hemsworth that expanded and showed you more of that pool thing and all the whatever Asgardian magic he was doing and they were like look if you want that to stay in you have to cut the farmhouse stuff and they left the farmhouse instead one of the very few times that happened but then unfortunately the other byproduct of that is now you start seeing the seams of

this movie and the edit starts getting not as great speaking of which we go to south korea right here. Yes, because Ultron, we didn't talk about, but Dr. Cho has this magic box that can heal and regrow skin. Right. You just go inside of it. She got it from Star Trek 3, right? Yeah, she bought it from there. The cradle. There's a garage sale. Yeah. There's a runberry garage sale. We brought Spock back with this. Maybe we could, I don't know, give a body to Ultron. So that's what he wants because it's just, it's this magic thing. And he's like, you know, you can actually, he breaks open the after it. Oops, there's the mine stone, the yellow guy in there, which is the least, it's the lemon one, which is, it tastes the worst, you know. There are always the ones that are

left over when you get to the bottom of the bag and it's just the mindstone left because nobody wants the sour lemon. It sucks. Green apple. Every time, baby. But he's, Spader's got a good line because it's just a quick cut in right here. He just goes, scream in your entire staff dies, which is awesome. But the thing, this device, by the way, we're calling it the cradle, which is creepy but yes the regeneration cradle we're going to 3D print a new bottom uh our body for ultron and uh we see here ultron much like uh loki in those other movies taps her dr choh with the sceptor she gets the black eyes she's under his control i thought she became like a computer computer eyes or something no that's that's that's for that's what loki's doing to like

uh he does the hawkars guard and hawke really okay this one there's a heart a fun callback even in this movie Hawkeye what he called there? He skips Scarlet Witch Scarlet Witch is about to mesmerize him, he's been there, done that kind of, you know, like, I've already done

mind control or something like that. But back on the farm. Ooh, we almost got some sex here. Oh, dude, he is, dude, just do it. I don't, you know what I mean? I will commend this movie for actually presenting adult relationships with some nuance and being like steamy, you know?

What are you talking about? What scene are you talking about? about when they're at the farmhouse and uh mark ruffel is getting out of the shower and scarlet johansson comes up and she's like oh i was about to get in there with you oh oh i'm sorry guys i completely i thought you were talking about the scene with iron man and captain america outside dude they get pretty close i was going to say get a little rough and tumble chop and wood dude chop and wood they're having an argument about you know whatever and then i it's a great moment when he rips the log and half it's that's pretty great is i kind of see r dj like

oh fuck yeah this this dude's way stronger than me okay okay i'm a little aroused i'm gonna say it now the ripping that i'm i'm on board let's go split me open but yes i do want to talk about the the banner scene the i and there's so many double entendres like i don't want to be hard on you why don't you become hard on me she does there's a hard on joke right yeah it's uh oh oh wait oh joss has to deal with emotions oh boy we're gonna have fun today and it's like for the whole shower. It's like, we missed our window. Did we? Yeah. Dude, because she's fucking ready to go, man. She's like, she's about to be like, okay, head stuff maybe. Like, she's like anything. What can we do? How do we make this work? Well, I read on the trivia, she was pregnant

during this. Did he do it? No. A Hulk baby. Hulk baby? No, I think you're your best bud, Colin Jost. Oh, right. Another monster got in there. But also here is the first time they talk about like, oh, you know, why don't we, we could just like run away because banner is like, hey, so the whole world just saw the real Hulk today and that's fucking embarrassing, right? I'm just going to run away again. And she's like, maybe I'll go with you. And we're having fun with it, but I do really like the reveal. He's like, because I'm a monster. And she's like, and he's like, well, we could never even have kids.

We can't do this because of all. I guess the gamma really fucked up his sperm count. Oh, dude, there's nothing. There's nothing, dude. Those are just two hollow tennis balls down there, dude. I want to see the, you know, the zoom-ins of the sperm, like the doctors have, right? The tadpoles. Oh, yeah, the zoom-ins.

You know, like, where they go towards the, you know, the big ball in the woman that's the egg. Eric, I'm going to tell you, I think you should back up from the you know. You are distracting me when I'm trying to tell this story. Please. A story. story his gamma hulks his little greet like i guess it could look like the mask sperm in that i was going to say oh there we go and then they they they shoot out and they curl and die and drop oh definitely that's where i was trying to get to i think what you what you know what you need though for

that to a little explainer on that cool video you're talking about you need the you need the mr dna guy to be like now we got the hulk seaman but because of all the radiation he didn't gum cake, it in that egg no more. And then you just see, like, a bunch of green little Hulk's sperm just like, ah, ah, well, hold on, children, the Hulk's about to bus. I do, but she does do the best

acting she does as this character here, which she reveals that they sterilized her part of her graduation. She's like, it's this great, like, you know, I'm holding back everything, like, it's just easier, it's one less thing to worry about, but she's doing it with all this emotion behind it, which is

something, again, you do not see in these later movies. No. You just don't. But after the splitting wood and getting wood scene, they're like, oh, Linda Cardalini is like, we find out, I think, in later series, she's also a shield agent, but she's like retired or was a shield agent. Is that right?

Yes, I forget where we learned that. It might even be in the Hawkeye series. Yeah, I don't know. You've watched that and those final two Avengers movies way more recently than I have. All of this has been washed away. But, I mean, it's not here. You were very right, Andrew, I think, that this every, no one in this movie is tired yet, except

Samuel L. Jackson. He does not care. He doesn't, I don't think he understands what this scene is. I don't think he was given a full script. He doesn't know. I think he cares. Oh, you know, hey, Iron Man, I believe in you. But you're a bad guy.

I don't know. Don't try to turn that tractor into alive. Don't touch that beautiful John Deere Tractor. Brought to you by John Deere. You know, honey, I think we might want to go down to the tractor supply after the picture. Get some feed, too. If you want to spend time with your secret wife and children, and after saving the day with your bows and arrows,

maybe a John Deer tractor could help you. You want a project to keep you out in the barn until all hours when you're vacillating between fixing something and sharpening knives? Well, a John Deer Tractor could do the trick for you. That's right. You could cultivate the land so it doesn't end up looking like Sarkovia. If there is a large monster man and his spy wife arguing in the house that you are in and you are looking for something to busy yourself with while they yip and yap at each other,

well, a John Deer Tractor might just help you out in that situation. While she's riding a giant green thing, you could ride your own in a John Deer Tractor. I'm not going to touch that I'm not going to top it anyway but yes, he's expo dumping this is when we find out that Strucker is dead he does actually do one good thing here which instantly

chastising Tony Stark for not even blinking about turning on Ultron he's like you didn't even fucking blink thinking about AI did you you dumb motherfucker I know you you were my first recruit I know what the fuck's going on you just want you had to see what your fucking profile picture would look Ghibli how congratulations awesome and he is don draperfied he's just like i don't even think about you

why would i care i'm tony stark and i'm gonna be proven right by the end of it and stark is like you know talking about how he doesn't believe that wand this thing is a trick he believes that it's an actual vision and he's worried that that's going to be like what his legacy is and fury is a good thing here he's like hey you know you didn't uh invent the concept of war like that's not on you you know Have you seen what my dad did? Have you looked at those records, actually. He's got, oh, dude, Howard Stark's got more kills than anybody, man. Oh, definitely, definitely.

And not just like, you know, not just like the actual, the poor, the Japanese. I'm talking like maids, you know what I mean? Oh, yes, random secretaries, tramps, you know? Oh, definitely trams. The Black Dahlia. The summers at the house of Uncle Benito. I mean, come on, having the fucking. nice time over there

but so they're having a scene over the we're chopping carrots we're having a kind of a Cindy Walsh scene here but we're just talking about Ultron etc and like we're told that Ultron is I believe this is Sam Jackson Ultron is multiplying faster than

a Catholic rabbit that's a Joss Whedon line but I'll let that one go through the goal that's a swish right to the net he is all he needed that one oh I hope that broke His yips, it is still 200 to 5. But before he did it, never say never.

It's amazing. He's still out there. But so this is what Ruffalo realizes that, has anyone checked in on Helen Cho? No, it's not just for our Korean co-promotions. It's actually because she has the cradle, and that might be something that we, that, Trot is using to create a body.

Oh, really? In another, like, scene just ready for the DVD special features menu, they're like, okay, so some of you go to South Korea and see what Dr. Cho's deal is. Meanwhile, Iron Man and a couple other people, we're going to go to the internet home office in Oslo, known as the Nexus, and he's going to try to run some code on the world's fastest computer to see if he can sort of hone in on where Ultron actually is. located or whatever. He is going to stand in a big computer room with

sunglasses on, is what he's going to do. Dude, it is so, I should have found that on a special features to leave the scenes menu. Because I mean, it winds up being somewhat important, I guess this is where you realize that's where the vision or that's where Jarvis has been hiding or whatever. That's something that kind of comes

up later in the movie. That's where it happens. You don't need to see it. You just don't. Because you don't even see that part happen. He just, it's Robert Downey Jr. looking at a screen you don't see and he goes, wait a minute. It's not verbatim this, but it's like, wait a minute, is that who I think it is? And it cuts away and you never see it. And then it's like, fucking 40 minutes later, he's like, hey, remember when I went to

the Nexus in that one quick scene, you guys? I found Jarvis in there. Well, because what it's happening in the movie, because again, I'd seen this before, but I haven't seen it in 10 years. I was like, who is in there? And then, like, I was trying to think, like, is it like fucking Antman? Like, I don't remember very well. Like, is this how we start maybe the Spider-Man reference?

And then, like, I forgot that that had happened because so much more. movie happens between it and then he's like that was Jarvis I'm like oh okay yeah exactly I do think that the creation of Jarvis is kind of lazy and just like oh and then Thor with the magic stuff I don't know it just seems a lot everybody shoots at a cup and then Vision comes out yeah can I ask because I don't know

is this accurate at least I don't think so I don't remember I'm not a huge Avengers guy but also FYI Ultron is a creation by Ant-Man, Dr. Pim, in the comics, not... Michael Douglass. Yeah, Hank. Yeah, Hank.

Yes. But so, in this big Korean fight thing, basically, they fight, they fight, Ultron is a, somebody unzaps Dr. Cho, I forget who does it. It's, it's, it's, uh, Wanda Maximoff. That's right. And that despells her. She sees the future and sees that the world is going to end. And he's like.

She's like, you want to destroy humanity. That is not very good. Dude, you wish it was that thing when I said. You fucking wish, dude. But it's actually kind of cool right here because it plays off something that happens earlier in the movie when they first encounter Ultron

and she's like, I can't read his mind because it's a robot or whatever. It's when they're in, that's what it is. It's when they're in the church. And Spader like, or Ultron has its back to them and is wearing like a Doctor Doom type tattered robe and they think it's a person and she's like I can't read your mind

and then in this when they're 3D printing the vision body and the brain has been built she's like oh wait a second now I can you know I can read this thing you know and he's like oh cool let me start putting some of myself in it and like the first thing that goes in is this thought about this extinction level event

and she's like oh whoa whoa he's bad guy and then this just leads into a big chase on a South Korean highway that goes for a while this is a decent enough action sequence. I like this. It gets a little close to, what I want to say there?

Matrix 2. Matrix 2, also a little Spider-Man 2, the whole, can you stop this train bit? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, good call. It took me a while to realize which Spider-Man 2 you were talking about. The OG Spider-Man 2. Amazing.

Yeah, yeah. Right. It's a fine sequence, basically. Uh-oh. Whoops. I mean, and I think this also has to do with her being pregnant at the time, but wouldn't you know it the only girl Avenger

got kidnapped by the bad guy? Oh no. Oh no, why? I know. Yes. There's also, unless I missed it, it's a weird kind of confusing edit around here

because the two Maximoff twins are in that Korean medical lab and then Ultron realizes what's going on and like it's pissed off or whatever and like he shoots Dr. Cho doesn't kill her but just shoots her, knocks her down

and that's like the scene. And then the next time you see the two twins, they're standing in some market. And I, unless I miss something, I was like, that's a bad edit. How that fuck did they get here? It's a great question. Because, uh, uh, Ultron's not going to take them. He knows that

she double crossed him. Well, you know, she's, uh, magic and he's fast, uh, yada, yeah. They could be anywhere they want. Yeah, that's fine. The rest price itself. As we're told, he's fast and she's weird. They say at one point. Uh, but it's, you know, it's, and again, like, I just

don't think, this is the too many characters problem and I they don't their motivations don't really make a ton of sense they're not really clear who they are they have like three scenes and now they're good revenge yeah I mean that's it and now it's avenge yes exactly so they're but they you know they don't want to kill people it makes sense they're not bloodthirsty maniacs they just want to yeah scarlet does have a decent enough exit right before kidnapping here because she's like up in the air and they do this cool like she pushes the the cradle into the quinn jet like as everybody's like falling and stuff it's a it's a neat

little uh move with with the cg i mostly holding up and she's got a moment with like you know a hawk i wants to go back for her because they're such good friends but no they're not going to because the cradle is more important yada yada and she's just kidnapped it stinks yep that's it she kidnapped bait and then back at the at the base uh everybody's having a big fight a i yes or no then Thor's like, fuck it, hammer time.

You know, the kid's got to be like, oh yeah, they're at the base at this point. Yeah, that's right. Yes, because they're fighting whether or not, because Tony's like, this could be the good Ultron versus the bad Ultron. And that's actually going to, it's what we always wanted.

And like they're arguing and they're actually, the Avengers are about to have a little civil war here, but then Thor comes up. I mean, I appreciate, you know, banners, I feel like I'm in a loop. We just did this. Yeah. But, yeah, Thor comes.

in here. Thor basically pulls a Frankenstein and like electrifies this big, you know, sarcophagus, basically. And, dude, Vision jumps out of this thing. Paul Bettney is doing like a naked as he can get T-1,000 jump right here.

Pretty cool. Pretty cool. And you see they cut to a shot of Wanda Maximoff immediately. Underpants destroyed, dude. The second she sees this fucking purple tutsy roll. Dude, isn't that insane though? Like, that's like Robin the Cradle. at which you were at his birth

and now you're getting married to him. The kid you delivered you help deliver, you're getting married to? It's worth talking about. That's all I'm saying. I don't have an opinion here, but it's worth talking about. I don't know if we'll ever do Avengers Endgame, but one of my biggest problems in that movie is they're like, all right, so if Thanos gets this last stone, it's going to destroy all of reality.

Literally, untold horror will happen throughout the galaxy, not even totally on Earth. but it's actually inside the head of that robot I'm fucking I don't care at that point I do not care I can't I'm sorry that you fucked a robot but we're taking it out it's just we gotta power him down maybe we'll do a nice little soil and green thing we'll show him nice images but we have to take it out and then I mean I'm sorry you can just build that shit again exactly you'll find another big 3D printer sarcophagus and you'll make them again just buy a hatatio Masasager. You'll be the same fucking difference.

He's got a TV show coming out soon, right? Yeah, Satashi Massager comes out. I think that's phase six. Yeah, you're going to vibe right on to Disney Plus with that one. I don't know how they got fucking Paul Giamati to do that voice. Boy, how do you.

Here we go again. Buzz. How are you doing today? Are you doing well? I'm the gray infinity stone. you forgot to charge me

that was his batteries running out because he was a sentient vibrator that joke was there I see stimulating he creates he gets bashful he creates clothes for himself it's a neat move right here I love the shot of Paul Bettney looking at himself in the reflection that's cool and then he sees Thor yes

and he emulates Thor's cape which is kind of neat but we already saw everything and the artist saw it. And they're like, are you, are you a good guy or a bad guy? He's a good guy. And to show that he's, it is actually like, again, a pretty efficient storytelling. He makes more sense than both twins put together. He picks up the hammer and is like, let's go. You know what I mean? It's like, that means he's a good guy. We've talked about it for an hour before.

Yes. We've done it. You know what I mean? If you can just pick it up like that, that's like a god right there and he's a good one. but yeah thor thor lets off a little bit more expository drip here about the infinity stones and you know thor and stark both agree at this moment like oh that's going to be end times kind of a deal it's kind of funny there's a funny vision line here he's like

you think me a child of ultron I'm like uh let's not think too much of ourselves here but this is where we also learn thor is like oh you see the twins and their powers those powers were made through the mindstone and I'm like, God damn it, they were just born that way. They're just mutants. This is so dumb.

You're breaking your back and in doing so, reminding us of how stupid it is that you're in this legal bind in the first place because you insisted on using these characters. Welcome to the rest of this series. Yeah. And this is kind of the big, he's on Sikovia. That's where Nat is being held. There's like a scene of her being, you know, in bondage.

not bondage, it's all right. Chained up by Ultron. No, I just perked up for a second. Nat from 902 and O? The impeachment owner, is it bondage? I'm your master. Remember that. But Vision is saying, you know, that it's kind of interesting, right?

He's like, I don't want to kill him. I don't want to kill Ultron. Like, he's in pain, he's unique. But he's also a threat to the world, so he must be destroyed. And he puts such a fine point on it. He says that they have to wipe every influence. of Ultron off the net?

Oh my God! I feel like the vision would not say the net. That's just me. It's a very quaint line. He should have said World Wide Web. We'll have to clear our cachet and make sure there's no cookies left. We have to clean the Information Super Highway. Oh, gosh.

They know your search results in private mode, by the way. I'm putting on an orange jumpsuit going to the Information Super Highway and picking up trash there's that porn you deleted actually it is funny that the old school internet stuff the reason they can't find the Hulk is he sets the plane to private mode he goes in Condito

the little the guy with the hat is flying the plane I love it love that guy with his little trench coat the fucking collars popped up that dude's ready to jerk off and so am I that's how I know exactly what's going on but the difference

is thanks to that costume you know that that little dude, he's ready to jerk off in public that's trench coat in the hat. He looks like a flasher and assaulter of some type. Josh Whedon, if you would. This, someone mentioned already when Vision picks up the hammer, he's like, we need to go

and he picks up the hammer briskly and walks away. It reminded me, it's not the first of these that I noted, but it doesn't matter. All of the big movie theater woohoo moments. Oh, yeah. Dude, the place went apeshit for that. They went ape shit. One more. Sam Jackson being revealed in the barn.

Absolutely apes shit for that. But when this little guy picked up this hammer, the fucking theater shook. I believe, I was still working at Marvel at this time. I believe Renner introduced this movie for the... Oh, that's pretty sweet. The cast and... Not the, not the second of that cast,

the... The Dregs screening that Bill O'Reilly and I would go to. And those were very, like, the woo-hooing was out of control. It was kind of cool, but the woo-hooing was wild. You know, like... A lot of clapping. Well, because you're worried, like, you know,

Ike's got a camera on you and he wants to make sure everybody's enjoying this fine product. Oh, my God, I'm going to get my Christmas bonus. That was amazing. Exactly right. You better clap hard enough for it's jelly of the month for you. Sir, sir, I'll never look at a John Deere tractor the same again. I want one.

Does it match a Minecraft movie? I am Steve level. Boom, boom, boom, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Some of them would get pretty close. Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, that's demolition, baby. Yeah, that's big. But, yeah, so the big hawkeye finds Natasha, breaks her out.

Oh, no, it's Ruffalo breaks her out. Sorry, that's right. Of course, it's rough. Her name is Nats. Yes, Banner frees Nat and he's like, you know, like, our fight is over. This is another, like, she's like, oh, so we can disappear. Like, they're thinking about it right in this moment, basically.

And then this is where we see Vibranium Ultron. vibranium like upgraded Ultron it's very much in the grand tradition of Jason X and the Super Shredder before him this dude it's just jacked and he's like way taller than the first one I will say when when Banner

and Black Widow or leave I was like I because again it's been so long I was like oh that's smart get them out of this movie because the movie is so jam packed but they can't be you know what I mean they have to come right back and I'm like no no no no no let them leave. That's okay. You've got,

you just brought in two more characters. You have to let something breathe. Something's got to go. Change to the guard, please. No, fuck it. We're doing it live. We're going to get them all in there. Fuck it. And of course, the big plan here that Ultron is doing as he's got, he's made this

vibranium core underneath the city. He's raising a part of Sukovia up into the sky and when it reaches a certain height, he's going to drop it back down and that's going to be the big cataclysmic event. because to the rest of the world places like this

they might as well be alien it's true Chris that's right I do like the concept all of you know just taking a city and you know take New York whatever and then just picking it up and throwing it down it sounds very basic

I do like that I'm sorry do you know that that's been done before and do you know where can anybody guess it's not a movie Oh, it's been done in real life. In the world of video games. That is the plot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, The Manhattan Project.

Really? Shredder literally lifts the city up out into the sky, and then you're like up there doing stuff and whatever. Oh, I think I remember that. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, fun little Ninja Turtle game, but yes, I have seen this happen before.

Ultron has a big speech about meteorites. He's turning, he's basically turned, he's like, The Avengers shall be my meteorite. Again, Spader's great this way. I love all of the, he's so good. Except for the lips. I love everything about the Sultrad character. When the dust settles, the only living things will be metal.

Which is great. That's a cool one. And the lips aren't on him. Let's be, let's be good. That's not James Spader's fault. No. No, I'll do this movie, but I need the robot to have lips. Okay, sir.

James wants the. lips. Okay, that's good. How do you feel about hips? Do you need hips? We'll give you lips, but it's got to be lips or hips. You got to decide. After the meteorite hits, it's going to be only me in the Jersey City Uber Eats robots. We shall live together in harmony. Now, are they using is it Samo? Is it the Samo robot brand? I don't know. It looks like a little square shopping cart with like eyeball looking

headlights? Yes, that blink? It's basically a big LED screen that has eyeballs in it And they blink. Sure. Is it white? Is it white? It's white, yes, with a black LED face or face screen. And it's like blinking and like kids are thinking it's cute.

I'm like, that's going to take, you will, you have less of a future because of that robot, little kid. Now, this is why this kind of stuff is so stupid though, right? So, Steve, have you had this actually when you get a delivery or if you do that? I don't use Uberie's yet, no. Oh, okay. Well, I guess seamless, but seamless has not done this yet. Oh, but you never, you never done it. but I know where you live

and I know like a building that I live also like when a human being comes to deliver something I can buzz that person in they can open the door for themselves get in the elevator and come up to my apartment this robot ain't opening shit so if all of a sudden it's like

now Uber Eats is doing that in my neighborhood and I get the robot I gotta fucking go downstairs to meet this little turd I've seen it before though this thing it's got a little flag like a big you know a mailbox kind of flag on the side of it and it lights up when it's got food inside of it

And then to deliver the food, it goes ass out and the back opens up. You've got to go inside this thing's ass for the Taco Bell. Digging around for those gorditas, dude. His ass to mine. Ass to ass. Do you know the one place where I think that shit works because it happened? One of the last times we were in L.A., the hotel that we were at had little robot room service guys. And you could order, like, snacks and shit.

And the person at the counter would, like, put it in. And then that little dude made his way up to your. room. And that's fine because that's all fucking flat surface elevators, baby. There's no stairs. And there's no shame in ordering at 2 o'clock at the morning. I can't judge you. Exactly. That's the only place that makes sense is a hotel room

because you don't want to see what I'm looking like in this. Oh, no, no, no. You don't want to hear what's going on in there. It looks like you had a tough night and that's fine. Thank you. I don't need some guy with his eyes darting around a little bit. I don't like

like that. Yeah. I'll took away my ability to judge you. There's an awful lot of slathering going on in here. And so the sort of the end of the Romanov banner flirtation here is they share a kiss, says, I adore you, she says, but I need the other guy. And she literally pushes Bruce Banner off a cliff. And he jumps up as the Hulk and she says, now go be a hero. And then this is basically, it's just a gigando robot fire.

that lasts for 40 minutes that we can kind of scoot right through because it is the movie with the most robot decapitations, I have to say. I mean, Captain America is peeling these things apart. It's kind of fun to watch. It is. I mean, I think that some of the action is pretty good in this big

old fight. It does take too long, for sure. I mean, you do get the cool moments where, like, Hawkeye talks to Wanda, and it's a nice moment where he's like, look, are you ready for this? Like, if you're not ready, it's totally fine. You can stay here and you'll be safe and we'll come get you when it's over with. But if you step

out that door, like once you step out that door, he says, you're an Avenger and you need to be fucking helping us out and everything. And it's a cool pep talk. I do love watching her do her magic on these robots. I think that's the most interesting to me. I think it looks the best. Again, it looks so much better than Cricksilver.

Who looks, I don't know why it looks so bad. It's just trying to make figuring out a visual way to make someone run fast and they do such a poor job of it. Doesn't look good. Maybe because they knew that this guy is going to, like, also he does get killed in this movie, not by Ultron, but by rights issues. You know what I mean? Oh, no.

Murdered by a team of lawyers, absolutely. That's right. We do get Stark having a nice little joke. Like Romanov, you and Banner, better not be playing hide the zucchini. Oh, no. Oh, no. Another one from Whedon right off the backboard. You see Zucchini because it's green like his.

Dick. I see. Why on earth have we not gone to the bench yet? My God, there's got to be someone who can pull this off better. Take him out. Can't anybody take him out of the roster? Come on now. Shooting three for 29.

This is abysmal. Now it's just becoming a failure on the part of the coaching staff. I'm sorry. Pull your man. Pull your man out. So, yeah, this is just the big fight. all this stuff flying around. A lot of moving pieces.

War machine shows up because of course. War machine shows up because they're about to. We're like, all hope is lost. We don't know how to get these people on this levitating city. Oh, right. Off the thing. Who should show up but the most bored man in America, Yik Furi, who shows up.

And of course, like the joke you make, the joke that all of us would make is cut into Captain America and say, you son of a bitch well guess what happens captain america sees this and says nick fury you son of a bitch uh-huh you know maybe you could line your star destroyer

up against this fucking floating thing no we're not going to do that don't get we don't want to get a scratch on the car we have more machines nice little thingies that can show up and if we wanted to I bet you they didn't do this but in theory

toys in theory these little fucking uh oh sure the little buses that they fucking take from the the star destroyer to the floating city right yeah yeah the little uh platforms or whatever um now we look inside the the days x shield helic carrier here and like fury's like i brought some old friends to help out or whatever and you know roadie's flying around maria hills there we keep cutting to nerd guy what is nerd guy I don't even know who this dude is. You know how they got them, like, if you look on Disney Plus, and it says, like, if you go to the Marvel section and it says, like, the Infinity Saga, and it's got all the movies in chronological order, like, you know, how you're supposed to watch it. Then they have those little shorts that no one can possibly care about.

Sure. I was like, that little weaner's got to be in one of those or something. Because this guy gets, like, three or four close-ups. He's got a line where, like, he doesn't think the thing's going to work, but then he's able to tell everything. from the command center that it did work like he's got to be somebody he's got to be

an agent of shields guy I'm looking at a little I'm a bull with you know that they were still under the failed like oh the shield is going to be the biggest thing wait till we get like

the shield movie the third shield movies that were really going to pop off he could have been like agents of shields Bruce and Lloyd out of control I mean that's John Prisinski

that's what he is but Eric those things exist though what you said is those are exactly right there's a there's one with clark gregg he's got his own fucking thing uh there's like uh the the guy who is a shield guy in that first avengers movie that you realize in winter soldiers actually a crooked hydra dude like he's got his own fucking short ben kingsley was given one on the heels of iron man three i remember the kingsley one yeah and you're just like who could care about these dvd extras uh also we should say um

Tony Stark does use he's tired of Jarvis is gone because now he's his own robot he now uses Friday which is Kerry Condon yes which is pretty oh really

oh yeah yeah Gary Conno getting some getting some scratch for this movie I like that I would love to like just like everybody's around to say yeah like his girl Friday

crickets you know the movie I guarantee you I guarantee you that was there and they cut it out. There is, oh man, there's another bad one. I think like it's when they're on the plane after they get their ass kicked by Scarlett Witch and

like the team is at its lowest. And somebody goes to Tony like long days like, yeah, like a Eugene or Neil play and I'm like, get the fuck out of here. He says that to fucking Sam Jackson in the barn. Yes. Yes, he absolutely does. Yeah. Oh, man. Once again,

Nothing but backboard. Will nobody stop this atrocity? He is ice cold from back down. You could hear the thud from the nosebleeds. My God. How did this man make a screenwriting basketball team? So the whole thing is, okay, now the Avengers all have to come to the center of the city, back to the church.

We're protecting this core device here. and it's like, oh, how are they going to stop me? Together. And then this is, this one is the one that I find a little more annoying than you guys didn't like the slow-mo shot at the beginning. This 361, like we're on a fucking E- Entertainment red carpet now. Yeah, no, thank you. And the camera spins around them and we're fighting in slow-mo. It's kind of, it's a little much.

We're basically, we're trying to capture the shot from the first one when. Yes. But it's easier because it's only like. six of them. You know what I mean? Yes, exactly right. The family photo is a little too big now. Exactly.

Oh, to try the panorama. That never works out. Yeah, I try to do that. Is that what they're trying to do in end game when they're just like, it just keeps going? Yeah, they had to put it in panoramic mode to get the iPhone photo. Fucking 40 minutes just to get all the characters in. So, yeah, we're getting everybody on these boats now. Wanda volunteers to hang back.

and protect the core. She says that it's her job. We're getting everybody on these boats or whatever. And then, you know, Hawkeye, fucking Hawkeye, man. He's like, all in a day's work. Oh, what's that a disgusting shit boy left back out there? Okay. He runs back out to go get him.

He's coming back. Robot firepower starts going down here. And Quicks oversees what's going on. He runs and moves Hawkeye and the kid out of the way. And then this dude has been James. Khan and the Godfather so hard. He's just riddled with bullets right here. By the Fox

Legal Department. It's fucking absolutely it's brutal. It is it is you know and he's like it's he's a bad characterist and he's like yes you didn't see death coming or whatever that he dies. Yeah. It's actually like him sacrificing himself could and should

work. You know what I mean? Like but he's making a rotten callback to Hawkeye from earlier in the movie where Hawkeye does the bet you didn't see that coming. And it's just that like wink wink, wink, callback stuff. And I'm like, this is this man's last word. It's also a guy I met just in this, like, just

a minute ago, and he's barely in the movie. It's not a huge emotional moment for me to watch this guy die. Well, because it's a, it's a callback, but also like you give it all to fucking Elizabeth Olson. Most of it is for her to play up the tragedy of losing her

brother. Which she actually does a good job of she can, because they're twins. She can feel the, you know, he dies, and she feels it. She lets out a big Scarlet Witch scream that kills more robots. Which is nice and all.

And the whole thing is they can't let any of the Ultron robots leave the island and get back down onto the land because then he'll be just going back into the computer networks again. So they have to destroy every robot. And I do love

a quinn jet is stolen by one of the Ultrons and the Hulk jumps up into the jet and you just see the, it's a, this is a good piece of comedy, it's very comic book comedy, I can see the art panels of this happening, where it's like maybe like a triptych and it's like

panel one, you see the Hulk flying in, panel two, it's just the, the quinn jet and the back is still open, but the little dialogue bubble from Ultron just says, oh, for the love of God, or for God's sake, whatever it is. And then the third panel at the bottom is this fucking robot getting thrown

out the back of this plane. The way they do it, like you never see the inside of it, he's just Hulk in, robot thrown back out. It's a good moment. It's very funny. Yeah, it's good. And you see him just clattered down on the, in a bus, in a wrecked bus. Totally, dude.

Just knock these fucking robots senseless. It's awesome. And then we're going to blow this fucking core. The whole thing is like, what is it? Thor and Iron Man are trying to figure out, you know, we're going to blow the core and it's going to explode into a bunch of pieces. And then as it falls back down to Earth, now it won't hurt. to anybody is the... Except you're raining debris on everyone.

Jesus Christ. I have an issue. The amount of fucking... I mean, like, obviously that's what Civil War is about, but man, oh man, are people dead? Man, oh man. You get as many as you can on those arcs. By the way, curly-haired agent is not an agent of shield.

Oh. I guess he's in the winter soldier as launch tech number one. And in Tobolowski fashion, he does get upgraded here to special Cameron Klein. Nice. How about that? Last appearance of specialist Cameron. This is the last appearance. Yes. Oh, my God.

You may know him from last year's blink twice as asshole manager. So that movie went right out to fucking shoot. Like watch shit. No, I'm sorry. Sorry to say. I do not remember. Dude, but you bet your sweet buns that this guy has a huge Marvel cinematic the universe fandom page.

Oh, good for him. I meet him at the convention, everyone. You'll have a great time. Absolutely. So, yeah, they win. Surprise, surprise. Ultron tries to get them with a big army, but no help on that one.

So we get the final vision meets with the last Ultron. I like this scene. It's cool. That is good, yeah. That to me is the real ending. Like, that is the one that's actually supposed to, end this movie, but, like, of course, we have to have 17 endings because, my God, the characters.

Yes, because, yeah, and it's a nice little bit back and forth, and, like, you know, basically you know, Ultron's saying that basically humanity can't survive and vision being like, of course not, but, you know, not everything needs to, and it's beautiful to live when you live in, and blah, blah, blah, you're incredibly naive. I was born

yesterday. It's awesome. Here, let me just play the little speech that Bonnie Prince Billy does in a ghost story, real quick. There you go. This will, this will get it there you go wow fucking deep reference dude congratulations to the four listeners out there that under those a two four people that's it's a jewel in your crown right there yeah they didn't think so at the time though no they did um but yeah i do i do love it and he just

fucking shoots this ultron right in the face it's really great uh and then the new avengers facility in upstate new york dude everybody's moving to woodstock man course you got to be near the farmhouse This will probably drove the prices up. Oh, dude, you know there's an Avengers facility up there now? I'm never going to buy that. Also, it's just like, I don't want to be living near some secret government facilities, some lab. I don't know what they're doing in there.

I don't know. It's going to give the, it's a little color to the way. Wait, Professor X2. He's also coming out. What the fuck, man? Black Widow is trying for the Hulk. She's like, great job Hulk killing Ultron. Now fly the plane backwards.

Oh, right. She tries to do the sun's going down. Big guy, get your cock out. I'm going to do ASMR to you. And he hits ignore on the phone call essentially. Wow. I am so close to fucking Thor. I swear to God, I am just this fucking close.

Just to make you see me. I have to fuck that dude. But basically, then the next scene, Fury, is basically, oh, we found something that could be the jet, but we're not sure. But it's in this part of the world. And she's just basically like, yeah, I'm a piece. of shit. He's like, you're not a piece of shit. Come on. You're a beautiful girl. Yeah, it's Mark Ruffalo, but you'll find another guy. Or you'll be dead in three movies. It's fine. Either one of the other. Either way. Either way,

thank you for your service. Have you heard of this Red Skull guy? Never mind. Yeah, you don't need to know anything about that guy. By the way, in from the internet, Steve, under appearances, so this guy, back to Cameron Klein for example. But of course. Absolutely. Super. In Winter Soldier and in Age of Ultron, like you mentioned, but apparently, and now I've got to watch it just to see what's going on here. He is mentioned in Infinity War. No. What scenario?

Oh, they got Cameron Klein. Yeah, I'm picking his teeth up. He's dead. Oh, yeah. Maybe he's one of the fucking blipped or something. Yeah, yeah. Coler's just like picks up a name tag Cameron. Yeah.

Oh, no. You know what? I'm not going to do it because I'm not going to look at it, but someone tell us on the internet when this episode drops, is there like a large fan fiction community about this guy? Like, why would we, you know what I mean? Like, are we shipping him? So wait, wait, wait.

You're putting him in the middle between Nat and Hulk? Like, he could be like the, he could be like the mayonnaise in that same. And easy third, a very easy third, I'd say. You could slap him around. He's a pasty white gentleman, so mayonnaise is perfect for the question. small, slim, he could fit anywhere. Thor is cool with vision having the mine stone, by the way. He's like, yeah, all right, I talk to the museum,

and as long as the vision comes up and makes a visity viz once every while there, he can keep it in his forehead. And FYI, if ever, we're in a situation where all of reality is threatened, you know you've got to give yourself up, right? I don't get who's fucking you. I don't, right? That just makes sense. You're a robot.

Like, it's just, you would be the first to sacrifice yourself as a robot. In any situation, in any situation, if I happen to be a fat fucker, if that happens, even then, you've got to do it. Yeah, so Thor is like, all right, someone's moving around these board game pieces here like we're playing Chessori do. I'm going to go figure out what's going on. And he, like, blasts off. and I love that Thor leaves like a mini crop circle whenever he blasts off. That's always a cool little

detail. A signature. But then we get, of course, R.D.J. He does not care for lawn maintenance. Weedon. Another missed layup. He can't go inside or out. I'm going home. I don't know what everybody else on the broadcast is doing,

but I am going home. There's mere seconds left on the clock and he bricks another one. he must be in some kind of union because that's some professional bricklaying and then we set up an Avengers team that never actually gets to hold court right like this is

it's like basically the new recruits and we've got Roody because at this juncture in the movie and in all the movies an Avenger is just a guy like you know what I mean? In a comic book it matters who's

on the team because you're picking it up month after month and like you're focusing on a smaller group of people it's not everybody but here especially in Infinity War it's everybody Captain Marvel the Guardians of the Galaxy gets subsumed like they're all the same thing well you would

think that at least then like in like Civil War like it opens and they are all doing the mission in Lagos where like where the Wakandans come in at that point but like why wouldn't you have it be just like roadie and scarlet witch because they'd really do they just underlined scarlet witch

in the beginning of that one mostly it's mostly her yeah scarlet scarlet witch is doing the operation with them in lagos that's she kills all the wakondon uh aid workers like by accident which sets off the whole her her captain america both do it and you know what we're we feel so bad we're so sorry we're just so sorry that that happened it's it's because what's his face crossbones there is like going to blow himself up. Frank Grillo the great Frank Grillo. Frank Grillo pieces just get blown

all over those people in that movie but that is that's not for here. Yes it's just like it's Captain America and Romanov I believe walking and it's like so who's up for saved by the bell the new class and like there they are as like Rody

Wanda Falcon and Vision and I'm like I'm sorry what is Captain America teaching vision in the training simulator I don't like that's just had I guarantee you there was just something on a sheet that said you have to have a scene like this at the end because when they cut

it is such an awkward cut it looks like he's about to say something else like Captain America's mouth is like it's a joke it's a joke it's the last Whedon in dignity of the whole thing because what he should say is Avengers assemble and because it's Josh Whedon the joke is Avengers

cut it off before you can say it because wouldn't that be stupid? No, it wouldn't be stupid, man, because it's a comic book thing, and I'm watching a comic book movie. Oh, I'm just a person who came in and was trying to look for a funny movie. Oh, I need to have read a fucking library before I enjoy your last joke. Oh, great. Fantastic. Where's the Thanos Glove?

Oh, that's coming up. We're at there, right? We got these credits. Let's go through the credits played by it. I do like this marble statue, which might be in the Asgardian Museum part of the human wing, you know? They kind of, uh, they kind of aped this for the new opening on Daredevil Born Again. Oh, yeah, the statue. Which is, it's a bunch of marble statues of the characters that all get destroyed.

Uh, and then built back up to look like Daredevil. Yeah. I see. So the marble art continues on TV, I guess. And it's just, it's just, they know, a not great looking Thanos. Fine, I'll do it. Yeah, it is a great. It's, it's actually Brolin, though, which they've cast him for this.

Because if you'll recall, the stinger of that first Avengers movie is uh it's just thanos but there's no talking and he just kind of like smiles at the screen yeah so this is fine I'll do it myself and he puts the you see and put the glove

on I mean the theater oh this was this fucking woke up I've told the story before but when I saw this movie in the theater it was a late screening uh like the Thursday night kind of a deal and they had security in the theater doing night vision goggles the whole thing but as soon as the movie

started the security guard walked up the stairs and I was like oh here we go you know he's going to be using his little little night vision thing and it's going to be annoying this dude sat down I was in a three-seater row kind of like on the side in the back of the theater the dude sat down on the aisle seat

I was all the way on the wall because I wanted to vape through the whole movie sure this guy sat down and fell asleep within like 10 minutes like he fell asleep before Robert Downey's arm goes across the screen and it says Avengers like he was out cold and he did not wake up. I'm telling you, slept through all of the movie until the

fucking, I'll do it myself. And the place went so ape shit that this dude was startled from his slumberland. What is going? Like, he thought someone was attacking the theater. It was so funny. That's amazing. That's the way to watch it, by the way. My theater went so crazy. If Jeremy Renner wasn't on the other side of town already having a light dinner, he would have been really uncomfortable. But he was well, well, far away. And a really good glass of wine, I bet. Oh, absolutely. And then there is no second stinger, though. It just says the Avengers will return at the end of the movie.

One stinger is just plenty. That's fine. Totally. That's just cool. Two would have been pushing it. That backboard's taking a beating. But that is the end of Avengers age of all. And we'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts and potential recommendations.

Eric Sisko. Yeah. Listen, it's okay to like a movie. There's a lot worse out there. It's not a recommend for me. I love James Spader. I love everything, James Spader. I like, I want MSMR of Ultron talking to me about destroying humanity.

I would be shooting for days. But I just think it's kind of a mess. But like I said, it's totally fine. It's serviceable. That's me. Chris Cabin. I mean, that's about where I'm at. It's fine.

Like, while I'm watching it, I'm mostly okay with it. I'm, you know, occasionally I'm like, oh, that's not good. But, you know, mostly I'm just been like, okay, this is a normal movie. it moves at a good enough clip. I didn't feel down at all. Like, it was, I never was bored, really. Uh, any of that.

But like, yeah, it leaves the world's worst taste in the mouth afterwards, though. That's the problem with me. It's just like, when you ever, when you think about it all and you're, uh, it's just nothing.

Just, and every time there was an attempt to like really deal with like, emotions the way that, you know, for better or worse, those DC movies do try to do. Uh, they go overboard a lot of the time.

but at least they do try to do it. In this case, Whedon just avoids. Anytime that a serious emotion is going to be tried to tap, you just soften it, do anything you can, but to take it seriously.

That annoys me, and that's why I don't really like these movies ultimately. But again, fine. Perfect people. We will save our comic book expert for last. I'll just say that, yeah, I had an enjoyable time

going through this one. According to the letterbox, at some point in, like, 2018, I rewatched it. Don't really remember that. But I had a good time. time here. I don't know, guys, I am softening in my old age. And again, I think it is

also a product of, it's an accidental byproduct, I should say, the fact that I think so many of the more recent outputs have gotten so bad that you look back and it's like, I'm so sorry, I doubt you, age of Ultron. Which is, you know, it doesn't mean that this is a masterpiece. It is a strong recommend, though.

I think this is a fun movie that just, again, it can't hold up under the weight of all the characters and info that the script is dumping into it. And as a result, I kind of tune out. I'm like the security guard next to me. During that big robot fight,

I kind of just tune out because it all just starts to look the same. Steve Sadek, take us home. Yeah, I wind up liking this movie a lot more than I remember. Again, this is I think my second or maybe third time through this. It's my first at least eight or nine years. And, you know, I have a lot of affection for these characters. I have a lot of affection for the way that these actors play these characters. And I like back when these moves, you know, that a line from,

I think it's an instruction. Remember what we used to go on events. We used to do things. That's kind of what this is. It is Remember When it's Rulman we used to invent Because right now the MCU And I think that's what I'm kind of excited about Thunderbolts, again, still patent pending.

I haven't seen it yet. It seems like they're pushing forward and we're not doing Remember When quite so much. Because that's all Deadpool and Wolverine was, was Remember When? That's what it's that's what worries to me about Doomsday and Secret Wars.

It just seems like we're going to go so cameo crazy and so remember what we used to do as opposed to try and create something new. Ultron was a new character. He's invented here. And he's destroyed and left here in this movie. Because he serves his purpose as a character within a movie,

which is a great idea. So, yeah, I think this movie's totally fun and totally fine. I like the character beats. It's a sodden mess. at some point. It's really ugly to watch in some points and there's groaners, but overall I would give it a recommend.

There you go, folks. So just remember what all of us individually said about this movie. I'm Chris. That's Andrew. Hi. I'm Eric. Yeah, we're all different people. People like, they just take. Even the Avengers have Civil Wars. Come on.

Hi, David. I'm Grandpa. That's right. But that is going to do it for this discussion on Avengers age of Ultron. As always, if you want more We Hate Movies, check out the Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies where you can get full-length W-HM episodes just like this one. Absolutely 100%

commercial free over on that boy. A bad boy, I should say. It's a bad boy podcast. But also this month we did a We Love Movies. Again, on Franchise Town, summer blockbuster extravagance of For Sure Mission Impossible Fallout, Chris Cabin? How great was that? Fantastic movie.

fantastic episode. You should check it out now. And then also Chris Cabin, we have coming out, what would that be? It's actually, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, folks, the Tuesday this drops. The coming Thursday on the Patreon, the top tier level, Melro 210, Chris. Indeed, we do. We have the aftermath of Daddy Wars. Yes.

Avengers' Aftermats. Yeah, yeah. It is Daddy Wars fallout. and we had a damn fun time and of course Melrose Place always fantastic, always fun dude speaking of that Thor impression man that fucking crooked Australian on Melrose Place is really

getting up to no good oh yeah Steve what did we cover on AD this month we covered we're talking superhero stuff so we did this year's Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man on Disney Plus fun fun series

mixed reviews on that one but good looking Good luck and a lot of fun jokes on that as well. Absolutely. Eric, who are we gleeping it up with this month? We are doing Queller. Yes, no, no one knows who he is. He's from a novel, The New Rebellion, and he's like a big, baddy, kind of looks like Ultron with his helmet on, actually.

And he's a dark Jedi that dabbles in genocide. So that'll be fun to talk about on the Gleap Glossary. Absolutely. And rounding at the end of the month on our Star Trek, Recap Podcast, The Nexus. We are doing the animated series, the episode of which I don't remember, but the TNG I do remember get ready to be annoyed with Reg Barclay, you guys, because it's the episode where

Reg is made super intelligent, I believe, by the holodeck, and we're doing a little bit of that, and man, it's annoying. I don't like the Regs Barclay character at all, so that's going to be amazing to talk about. As always, though, every Tuesday since 2010, there's been a new

We Hate Movies episode, Steve Sadek, what are we dropping the next installment, I should say, of the 2025 summer blockbuster extravaganz. Well, this is just a real treat yourself day. It's episode 800 of We Hate Movies. That's good eating. We got to do 8mm. Machine will be in attendance. Absolutely. Special guest machine. The cage. Peter Storm Mayor. This is a delight.

I haven't seen this in a long time. Snuff film. Do not forget that. We love those. Absolutely. Gandalfini burning to death on a pyre of flaming pornography, I believe. Monominal.

It's all fucking great. So yes, to ring in this momentous, momentous occasion, episode 800 of We Hey Movies next week will be us talking about 8mm with Nick Cage. I cannot wait to revisit this movie. It has been beyond a minute. So until next week with episode 800, I've been Andrew Juppen.

Stephen Sadek. Eric Sis Kavana. Take it easy. Thank you.