We Hate Movies - S15 Ep808: Lucy (2014)

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

“The four of us are on a one-way bullet train to Stupid City” - Andrew on covering this movie for the show On this week’s episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza does indeed head to Stupid City as we’re talking about the really silly, really short, sci-fi thriller, Lucy! How totally great is Choi Min-sik in this movie? Precisely how many seconds is Morgan Freeman standing on-screen? When Lucy gets so smart, why is she still unable to understand and speak multiple languages? With the action and fight choreography being as fun as they are, couldn’t we have gotten more of that and less of Morgan Freeman giving that lecture? And do people at the front desk of a Westin care if you’re going to eat at the hotel restaurant? PLUS: Lucy visits all the best Times Square chain restaurants and attractions!  Lucy stars Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Amr Waked, Julian Rhind-Tutt, Pilou Asbaek, Lio Tipton, and Choi Min-sik as Mr. Jang; directed by Luc Besson. This episode is brought to you in part by Car Gurus! Buy or sell your next car today with Car Gurus at cargurus dot com. Go to cargurus dot com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That’s C-A-R-G-U-R-U-S dot com. Cargurus dot com! Be sure to catch the replay of our Superman II digital show (and After Party Q&A) available for replay now through July 4!  Tickets are going fast for our three-night residency during the Oxford Comedy Festival! We’ll be doing six shows over three nights from July 18 through 20. Tickets are going fast—our shows on Quantum of Solace and Hellraiser are already SOLD OUT—so don’t wait, snag your tix today! Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program to quote my father in the late 90s and the early 2000s. What is this shit? We're talking about Lucy. I'm Andrew Juppen. 9% Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. Lucy. Hi, Lucy.

Hi, Lucy. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, the summer blockbuster extravaganza continues this week, folks, as we talk about 89 minutes of whatever the shit this is. It's Luke Bisson's Lucy from 2014. My God, let me just say we're out. We got four seats on a one-way bullet train to Stupid City. Oh, you sure do.

Oh, God, it's dumb. And I've been seeing like people I respect saying that it's smart. Oh, no. I can say it is okay to like a movie. I saw this today for the first time I dodged the bullet back in 2014. Checked letterbox. My hair went white. My glasses fell off my head.

I don't even wear glasses because I couldn't believe the amount of people that love this movie I will say I am not a lover of this movie but I enjoy this movie quite a bit I'm going to be the defender here I feel this is

wow it is silly it's just it's it's it's it's dumbly watchable I think it's much more energetic and actually interesting in a stupid way stupidest way possible right

Chris that would be me that would be me for lookouts. Or lockout, rather. The lockout. What is lookout or lockout? Lockout is the carpenter ripoff that nearly got him fucking put in the slammer

because they sued him to oblivion over. Which is, you know what? Yes. So it's basically escaped from New York, but it's set in outer space and I feel like that's different enough. And the Guy Pearce movie? Yes. Put Tarantino in jail.

Put all these people. Everyone's ripping off everyone. I don't think it's that big of deal. And to be clear, to underline Chris's statement, when he says him in jail, he means Luke Besan in jail. And Luke Mason has been dodging the jailers for quite some time. He's incredible. Put him in jail for other reasons.

There's plenty of other reasons. Many, many reasons, I would say. I mean, look, the fifth element's a great movie. And I grew up liking the professional because I was age-appropriate to have a crush on Natalie Portman at the time. I think we're the same age. So I was like, oh, cool, I have a cute little crush on this girl. Then you've become an adult and you're like,

that ain't cool. I hadn't kept up with the, I mean, it's not good just on its face, but once you read what Besson was doing around that time, when you see something like that, you're like, no, okay, that's bad. Okay, that's bad. When you watch it, you can watch the professional, like, oh, or specifically

the American cut of the professional, not Leon. You can watch that movie and be like, oh, it's a cool action movie, Lone Wolf and Cub kind of a thing. Gary Oldman, my God. And then well, Lone Wolf wasn't trying to finger blast the cub dude that's the difference and besin will be like oh no he wants to finger blaster but he's holding back and you're like i see i see well i mean it's you know what i still think that's

it's a it's a good movie despite that i mean i'm not gonna i'm not gonna take james mason to trial for lolito you know oh by the collar i got that guy i'm i'm taking him right there eric i mean this is the thing with bassant i think this is true of all of his it's just he was better in the 90s than he is now. It's dumb ideas, done entertainingly, and it's always first half better than second half. Yes. Usually.

He's a pretty effective stylist. We start, I mean, this movie starts a little bit, Eric, I'm going to take your hat really quick and put it on it and say, should have called this movie 2000 a dumb. Yes. Oh, thank you. Wow.

Excellent. Got a couple of those coming up. Oh, really? This is a tree of life beginning here. We get to see some big old dumb ape, which we're led to believe will be you know, a precursor to man. That's Lucy. It's the

Missing Link. It's the original Lucy. Right there. She's there saying hi to everybody. Yeah, hi, everybody. It's me, Lucy. I'm an ape now. Over. I will say, oh, hey, it's me. The missing link. Someone get the cigarettes away from that ape. Here's Thorough

Birch ape with me. Hi, Thorough Birch ape. You're another person. I'm going to do some Tom Waits covers. Just sit out. Anyone want to listen to Blues Hammer? No, Colin, go home. Colin, go home. You don't deserve to be out with the others.

Go home. Nice point about this movie. I'll say, you have an honest to goodness credit sequence, which is cool. I do get to settle into this 89-minute movie, although it's all like cell splitting stuff set to like a cool beat, so it just feels like you're watching the intro to House. X-Men. That's sort of what's going on.

Kind of feels here. I mean, we start, I think with a, I mean, we go from April Lucy, we go straight to, what have we done with this, Taiwan, and then Richard with the red glasses, my God, kill this man. Well, you've got this, like, you know, montage of Scarlet talking and, like, life was given to us a billion years ago, and she goes, and what have we done with it? And then it just cuts to clips of Asia, specifically Asian people polluting. Yes, yeah. And I was like, wait a second. There was a lot of scooters as well And some of those scooters are probably

You know efficient on the road Yeah There's one dude on a bike That's got a Denver Nuggets t-shirt And I'm like I'm glad that the Denver Nuggets Travel to Taipei, that's pretty cool Wow Was that a

Was that a They only won the conference final That year And it was it was a ditched champions T-shirt Those are cheap I do think this beginning like Again like the Luke Bissan

Like crime movie thing It's a guy with a case and it's handcuffed to him. That's pretty fun. Like, this is the start of a movie I might watch. Is this guy anybody I didn't look at him? I think he's a Game of Throne. You're on Greyjoy. Oh, sure.

Yeah. Okay. He also. As soon as he said it, as soon as I like, like, I did this sound strange, but like, I recalled his eyes and was like, yep, that's the actor. And must have gotten along with Scarlet because he's also in Ghosts in the Shell, which I also have not seen. I did see this now, but I have still not seen that.

No good. I'll say that. Well, at least she's not playing an Asian person or whatever happened and goes in the shell. Yeah, she's just, that was a mess. She didn't go full Emma Stone. She didn't do it. She is a white, here she's a white student. She's like, but I got exams on Monday.

I'm like, I need a little more than that everybody. Please God. Because like she's got exams on Monday and also she's got this like horny roommate that wants to be an actor and is going on like, you know, probably you're getting molested audited. the way she describes it. But it's so weird because real casting couch shit. There's no characters here. Lucy's not a character. I can't wait to go to Taipei and not speak the language.

Like what are you doing there? Why are you? Like I know that students abroad don't often speak the language but like this girl's going to be an actress and just like doing what. Yeah. Well like the audition thing that the roommate describes kind of sounds like it's like a chorus line dancing kind of thing. Not a lot of like dialogue in the native tongue of the land I'd wager. But with Scarlett,

I don't know, maybe, and we're sitting here like making more of a characterization than the movie actually does, but like, maybe it's like first semester, like language immersion. Sure. I don't know. I kind of need anything. You don't know anything. Anything about any character in this movie,

even Professor Norman, which I found out his name. Morgan Freeman's name I found out from the IMD. Guys, I'm sorry, but you're, I think the problem is you're only using 10% of your brain. Oh, I think that's... If you had used 20%, you would understand all this. Or maybe if I used 3%, I'd understand it all, right?

If you could get it up there from the animals. It's also like... It's a... The 10% thing is as disproven as phrenology when this movie comes out, but they're still like, I don't know, what if you used more of that? It's like, no, everyone's... It's not a true thing. Yeah, but I'm inclined to be like, it's science fiction. You need to, like, anchor that somehow.

And also, like, I don't... give a shit. That's a thing that has been like, I know it's been disproven and other movies have addressed it or whatever. And every time someone comes out with like, well, you know, that doesn't happen. I'm like, but you know she turns into a computer at the end of this movie. The whole thing is just like, you know, smart people, right?

They can fly. They do Kung Fu. They can kill any. It's just, I don't understand the correlation between being smart and being Superman. Well, that's the difference. Right. Right. I mean, if they kept it, like, There is a cool movie here if it's like this crime movie and she takes this crazy drug and she uses more percentage of her brain.

I'll even go that far. But then like she has telekinesis. She could read, like if it's all within the mind sphere, it kind of, if you ground it that way, she turns her hand into a paw from the creature from the Black Lagoon, okay? Yes. We need, you know, there's that movie

that's sort of similar to this, like limitless. This movie needs to be limited. we need to have some boundaries as to what is going on here. See, that's what I like about it is that it's not, like, Limitless is the limited version of it and it's boring as shit.

It's crap. It's an absolute, oh my God, it's a snooze. Credit to Lucy, I didn't turn this movie off like I turned off limitless. See, then there we go. Listen, I'll say, Limitless is a better movie than this. I disagree entirely.

Guys, for the uninitiated, like myself and many listeners, so limitless is what, we're a guess here. Bradley Cooper takes a smart pill and then does Wall Street really fast? Against Robert De Niro, kind of. Yeah. I mean, it's the same thing in the case, in the sense of like, he's taking more than he should. And it's doing more

to him than thought possible kind of a deal. But he doesn't turn it to he doesn't have a lizard eye at any point in that. No. She's trying to romance somebody, Abby, Abby Cornish, maybe. It's a pretty engaging beginning We're just smashed into these characters Very like Tarantino-esque Like you know that 90s crime movie thing It could be very honey bunny kind of deal

It's like just go in there like I promise you're gonna be fine You know like do me this favor And like she's like I don't want to do it Like it's like there's a fun flashback To like the meeting and like a club getting wasted Like she's a party girl like that's what you kind of know about her Quick to these nice quick shots of the

mouse up to the mouse trap. They cheated with the gazelle. I hate it much. I like this. This is all energetic. Like it's stupid, but it's more like engaging and more like, oh my God, things are happening. It's not just back and forth,

back and forth, back and forth. Well, I mean, I see what you're saying, but I guess like, I'm not engaged by like cutting to something so stupidly literal, right? It's like when she's trying, like, she's considering whether or not she's going to do Richard this favor. It cuts to like the mouse

getting just a little closer to the mouse trap. And then like when she's about to go in, it's these cheetahs about to kill an antelope. Is everybody paying attention? And it's also something that gets dropped after this sequence. They give it up. Once she gets like the powers and shit, like all that stuff is gone. If you're doing that, you got to be doing it, baby. That's got to be your movie. I'm sorry. But hey, if that's stupid, but once she takes the pills no longer stupid, she's using more of a brain. Oh, I see. Yes. Yes. The movie. The movie.

The movie gets smarter as well. Indeed. The first movie that gets smarter as it goes on. It's very special that way. But yeah, so he's like, you know, just come on in, do this favor. A little bit of a little bit of a crime money thing right here. Like Mr. Jang is paying me $1,000 to deliver this to him or whatever. I will give you $500 up front.

He says he does a little stuff sit in her cleave there. And then all of a sudden she's like, I'm not doing it. And he just handcuffs her to the thing. You are now Lucy Uh-huh And she goes into this It's like a hotel Uh asking for Mr.

Jang to come down or whatever And there's some fun back and forth Where she doesn't want to give the Uh, desk clerk, uh, her name there But she's like, oh, I've got this briefcase Richard gave it to me blah blah blah And then all of a sudden Just all these pipe hitting motherfuckers

Get off the elevator And you know she's in for some trouble. Also hilarious death right here. Richard like in the window outside giving the thumbs up like yeah you're doing and then immediately shot in the head. Beautiful. I really just love that. So what's, why would they shoot him though, right?

I mean, it's a good question. I don't know. These guys seem to kill everyone, Eric. Yeah. I'm going to be honest. The Koreans kind of just kill everybody here. Sure. It is weird. Yes, they're in Taipei, but everyone, this is a Korean gang in Taipei. You know, sure. That's what's going on.

And this brings a great point where I can stop us dead to complain about streaming setups. So, often, you know, when we do movies for the show, I have the subtitles on just so I can make sure I'm getting all the deeds and names and whatnot. And so I'm doing that with this and it's on Netflix and watching the movie and it's like, you know, it's fine. I'm reading everything. And then I start realizing after a while, I'm like, oh, there's definitely like longer than one line sequences where I'm getting Korean and I'm getting French and I'm not getting any subtitles. and eventually I took the English subtitles off and just put the English language track on

and all of a sudden the Korean and French subtitles were there. Oh, you're fucking kidding me. Okay, well, I guess I needed to use more of my brain to figure out how to watch this goddamn movie right. It's disgusting. I mean, how can you fix that thing? I didn't have any subtitles on. I actually thought it was a thing

the gag was... On purpose. She doesn't know what they're saying, so that's why I'm not seeing it. Okay, so no, that's a fake thing then. And eventually, I thought that was the case, but then, like, eventually there are scenes where she's not in, like, especially when we get to the, the Parisian detectives. Yeah. There's just extended sequences in French that she's got nothing to do with.

And I'm like, I should be seeing what these guys are talking. I thought the movie was being nice. Like, hey, yeah, this is kind of dumb. Look at your phone for a while. Don't worry. Don't worry. Yeah, check out what's going on outside that window. I mean, why don't you look out the window for 10 minutes?

We'll be here when you get back. That's what I did. Why is streaming so fucked, is my question. Because Eric says it all the time. There's no quality control. Nobody cares. It's not regulated at all. I mean, like, you know, close captioning is like, I think still voluntary for streaming.

It's all like, all these laws were based on linear television broadcast linear television that doesn't really is not really working out anymore. So there needs to be some. standards in streaming. I even want, you know, full standardization. I want to be able to turn the subtitles on the same in every app. Yeah, that'd be great. Why are you punishing me

because I'm hard of hearing? But it also similarly, but I would say, I would even say close captioning this and that. That's important for accessibility for sure. But the movie has subtitles. The movie, it's the American version of the movie, the movie that was released, has subtitles. Right. Because the director wanted

you to know information that you are now. keeping from me because you fucked up how the tracks were. That should be hard-burned. That's an error. Thank you, Chris. Yes, they should be burned in. Hard-burn. I don't understand that.

You know what's funny, though, is, and we trashed this, and I think rightfully so, because it does get out of control. On the first John Wick commentary we did, you can even hear my disappointment as I realize it's a little too much. We're talking about the stylized subtitles that happened. And if that were the case with this movie, if there were, like little cool purple flames attached to them or whatever. Then it

would definitely guaranteed be burned in, but yes, they should be burned in. You shouldn't have AI QCing the shit, which is what I know you're doing. It's true. You know, so anyway, that was why pay a human being money for something? That's fucking stupid. Why bother

doing the thing that's going to make your the people who are paying you money feel better about their product? Because they don't give a fuck. It's just, it's very simple. They got your money. Who gives a shit? Instead of paying someone to actually make sure the film is right, why don't we just give it to a software company so it can go right to the top of that dreaded Silicon Valley?

Oh, my God, don't get we started. So she gets taken up to this hotel suite, the presidential suite there. I do like the shot she walks in. She looks, there's like twitching dead body feet in the bathroom. Someone's freshly murdered. I was kind of cool. Is this Richard or is this other guy? Other guy.

I guess it wouldn't be rich yet. Some other guys. Well, it's two, it's two. Gentlemen, we're looking at four feet on the ground. There's two people twitching up there. Who knows what they were doing, dropping off other stuff for Mr. Jang or whatever. But it's kind of funny.

Like, you know, maybe it was a different thing that was cut out of the movie or something. You see, like, the one, like, tough guy, and they definitely focus in. This guy's got a cool chainsaw tattoo. And I was like, oh, that's awesome. We'll have to use that to identify him later. Nah. you're just looking at a cool tattoo for a couple

seconds I guess and on we go It's just one of those things we got to in the millions of years we've been here Oh my God but we've wasted it Eric I mean I took it That is what he was using in the bathroom but who Again like yeah it's not a Chekhov's thing

They're just there to get the fucking case Open and I do I do kind of like that they have to get the fucking translator on the phone That's cool I like that I like Mr. Jang's reveal of him coming out of the bathroom, completely covered in blood. His shirts destroyed. His hands are covered in blood.

He's wearing safety goggles, which is very funny. And it's the great Troy Binsick, who is amazing. He makes this movie kind of, honestly. Oh, yeah. He's a very cool villain. You know, he's from old boy. You'll know him from. I saw The Devil, which is a great movie as well.

Oh, dude, I saw The Devil. Fantastic time at the movies with that. I mean, grim as fuck, but Oh, sure. Awesome, you know. It's Korean revenge cinema. What are you going to do? It's all grim. Yeah. No, love this dude. And you realize watching him and he's so good in this movie, you're like, oh, it kind of sucks that he's the only source of antagonism other than her like play and beat

the clock, I guess, with this drug in her system. At the end of the movie, he's coming out. It's like he has the power to teleport between movies because he's in the last movie And he's got this gun And, like, we're not doing that anymore. Get out of here. And it's like, no, no, we are, actually.

Didn't they tell you? The gun caught got cut, you see. She's a USBC, you understand? You can't shoot a USBC. But, yeah, so, like, there is this sort of English translator. And again, this is kind of, I saw this is effective filmmaking because I don't hear what the Korean gang is saying. And the guy is explaining,

I only know what Scarlett knows at the seat. Well, that was the cue for us to call our own translators for the rest of the movie and we miss that because we're using only 10% 10% percent. We're limited. That's the problem. We're not limitless. We are limited. Well, in this instance, so now I'm

curious though, did anyone have subtitles for this part? I didn't. Because this is the part where it makes sense to not have subtitles. Yes. There was no subtitles for this part. No, I didn't have it on. I just had it for that. All right. So this is like done appropriately. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because I just had, like, speaking Korean and then her English, yes.

He wants to know who she is, how she knows Richard, you know, what's, and what's in the case? She has no idea. And they're like, well, just open it up. Mr. Jang insists you open the case, which is pretty good. And I love this, like, 1.40. And she's like, what is that number? What does that mean? Why do these guys have riot shields out?

Yeah. I love this. And Mr. Jang, like, goes behind the door out in the hallway. That's great. That's like what the dentist does when they use the x-ray machine. And they're like, don't worry, you're not getting cancer. You're fine. You got that vest.

Oh, it's not going to fuck you up. I'm not going to ride. I swear, please don't. Don't do this. Whatever you're doing. I'm not against the government in any way. Just come. Okay, fine.

And she opens it. And it's, uh, four bags of bat salts. That's exactly, yes. This looked like some shit that can relax me real nice, dude. I got like the iPad on the tub tray, you know, watching some cocktail videos or something. I'm going to tell you, I saw what. this stuff does, I don't think you're going to be doing that. That's just my, I don't

think that's where you're going to go with this. I don't, I don't think in the year 2014, you should be doing, we should have blue crystallized drugs. This is the height of Breaking Bad. We should go green, go red, go purple, something. I was, I was thinking it's a,

I mean, it's way more closer to a purple than it is the light blue of Breaking Bad. I didn't think of Breaking Bad, to be fair. No, not once, frankly. That's not where my brain went. Are you on a rewatch of that recently, Steve? Or? No, I just I just, you know. I mean, it makes sense

for what you were saying. It just, it didn't. It's been a couple years. Speaking of breaking bad, this is a role that I would like is to be drug testing guy. Oh, yeah. This is a cool gig. I mean, they shoot them in the head. Not so bad either. Can you do the, can you do a wiggle jiggle though? You got to be able to do a wiggle jiggle. Oh, yeah. You got to be able to do a wiggle jiggle. Oh, no, you got to be able to

Not the actor. I mean, like, literally the job of being the drug testing guy. Because you're probably in a, they put you up in a hotel somewhere. You've got like, you know, maybe they got a TV. I don't know. I think they put you up in a closet, dude. There might be a TV in that closet and you're on some pretty strong stuff. Is hanging on for dear life because he's all, you know, he's, uh, strung out.

Strung out. By the way, I wish folks at home could have seen Chris do the wiggle jiggle he was talking about. It is. It's a, it's a, I've, I've spent a lot of time. getting it to where it is now. I'm very happy with it. It's pretty great, dude, so now I know what it looks like when you're O-Ding in front of me. Yeah. That's why I keep

Narcan on me at all times, just in case. I don't do those drugs, everybody. No, no. But, yeah, this dude, I got to tell you, Steve, I don't think they're keeping them in such great conditions. I think it's like sub-Hary Potter under the stairs. Like, you see this dude's teeth and his clothes and shit? You don't think that all I want is a mattress,

a TV, and a lot of heroin is my goal. I don't. I don't. think you're even getting that. I mean, you, a shark tank, I don't think it's happening. I don't think you're going to get some shark tank and like, oh, man. And again, I have to highlight, the minute they saw him do the wiggle jiggle, they shot him in the head. No, no, no, no, no, he did the wiggle jiggle, and then he started laughing annoyingly.

And that's what I think got him the bullet. He was still jiggling. Don't you start? Do you think he got to 11% before they shot him in the head or maybe like 10.5 a little bit? That's a smile. Well, that's probably a smile right there. Oh, you know what? He got to 10.5 and then he just remembered every Frazier joke that he never understood.

And he started laughing hysterically. So that's what Sherry is. Arthur Feedler's wake. Oh, I get it. No, that was a Simpsons Frasier joke. So, you know, this dude gets shot in the head and then this translator is like, hey, Mr. Jang wants to offer you a job. I don't want a job.

and then she gets fucking pistol whipped and then on screen just boom, 1%. Uh-huh. And then we get the most boring shit in the world. Morgan Freeman, man. This Life 101

lecture or something, this is, it's rough. This is when the points start going down pretty hard. Yeah. This stuff is difficult because you're literally

just watching a lecture. I get it. He's really, he's compressing quite a lot. It's the Wikipedia. version. Thank God for that. But, like, it's still not great. And I'm just like, it

adds a little bit to what's happening in the action. But, like, again, a lot of, again, I think you could do this with one scene and be fine. Question, because I wrote down to my notes, this is Morgan Freeman mid-freefall. And I think that's accurate. Career freefall, I mean.

And what is the last time he's cared about a movie, do you think? I mean, was it the bucket list? Yeah. I mean, you think the bucket list? I don't know if he cared about the bucket I mean maybe he's probably pretty excited to work with Nicholson Yeah I mean I'm sure that he was having fun behind the scenes But on screen he seemed like he's just kind of like there

What's that were all these old fuckers and we're going to rob people And it's a remake that is last Vegas No no no no no that's another one Yes yeah that's the one Do we do an episode on that we did yeah And we also covered him in ritual killer on on screen live for a secret movie This dude is checked out, and it has been checked out. I mean, this is, this is, this is like transcendence era.

This is your transcendence. He did, now you see me. Oh, my God. I'm coming to get you, Hossman, or whatever I'm doing. It's, I mean, the Batman's, I think he's fine in oblivion. Yeah. And before that, it's like the Eastwood movies where he's actually giving a shit. So he was in Las Vegas, going in style in a movie I've totally forgotten,

just getting started. Of course. It's Morgan Perman Taimley Jones and René Rousseau. Do not forget the red franchise. Oh, the red French. We're old people and we can, you know, do, what are they doing that, espionage or something? That sounds like that. He's also, he's fallen.

He's with American Mike. He starts as the speaker in that first one and then he's the president in the other two of those movies. He's in a movie last year called Good. Gunner as Kendrick Riker a Luke Hemsworth joint Oh no Why are they do

Why they're putting him in this third Now you see me Let the man retire You ghouls This is got to stop Dude I'll tell you what Forst retirement yes I really please

Really great a joke on the studio Where Dave Franco Says something about like I gambled away all this money that I made on that fucking magic movie referencing this now you see me movies I thought it was fucking He's also in a movie from 2003

that I've seen called 57 seconds in which Oh I remember yeah 57 seconds in the past And there's a I will say this again Because it's the most interesting thing It's ever happened in a movie Morgan Freeman is hanging out with a dude That's wearing a robe that has glowing blue eyes

That has never explained once in the movie And the guy kind of doesn't do anything. And he's like, you're a mortal combat character anyway. And then like the movie keeps going on. That is also a movie you talked about on an on-screen live secret movie. Absolutely. So, yes, he's got this, you know, the 10% of our brain shit. There's a great moment where he goes, impressive when you consider what we've done with it.

And then there's just a fucking co-a-scotsie. There's just a montage of human achievement. I thought I was watching the series finale of Battlestar Galactica. Right. I mean, because is this human, is this human achievement? You know, the stock market, nuclear bombs, you should keep those out, maybe, dancing's fine stock. Dancing, the stock market. Just because you don't like it. I also don't like blocking up rivers.

Human achievement. Aidal. There you go. That's a huge human achievement. It's a big one. Do they figured that out on the first day? Yeah, I think animals have that, right? I think when we started at 1% we were fucking anal.

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. I think that's 3% actually. That takes a little while. Fingering is like 8% to figure out that, oh, that's where these could go kind of Oh, sure, yeah. That's where these can go. I didn't know this could go there too, yeah.

But not comfortably. It can just be done. You know what's fun is getting fingered and then doing the wiggle jiggle. When you get to 9.5, that's like feet stuff. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you've got to actually be pretty smart to be into feet stuff. Anyway, you guys, you want to meet up later? Thanks for checking out my profile.

You want to put some icing on these Tootsies? Come on now. Just, you know, my profile. Good morning, goddess. I use 10% of my brain. Show feet, please. Oh, do you think Morgan Freeman is, that's what his problem is? He's, oh, good morning, goddess.

I got to make some more money for all my little babies. All my little babies. You think he's a fintom? Oh, dude, he's commenting on every yoga video. there is. The best part of his lecture is when he goes human beings are pretty

small but you know who's even smarter dolphins. May I remind you I did two other movies involving dolphins, I believe. You know if you could put a computer in front of a dolphin, they could use it. That's right. That's absolutely true. That dolphin would discover internet pornography

in two seconds. It would use its snout. We keep trying it, but it doesn't work because we just throw the whole computer plugged into the water and it electrocutes them. It took us a while to figure out they can come out and type on a little platform if we're on the side of the pool.

I was right, by the way, two movie, Dolphin Tail and Dolphin Tail 2 as Dr. Cameron McCarthy. Oh, excellent. I love those little fuckers. You know, Chris, did you ever see the movie where, I think it's a George C. Scott movie where a dolphin is going to assassinate the president? Day of the Dolphin. Oh, yeah, yeah, oh yeah. It's quite an interesting little

movie there. Yeah. Isn't that, is that directed by the dude did like singing in the rain and, Don't it? Someone of note directed that movie. Maybe Frankenheimer?

Oh, it could be a John Frank. Mike Nichols. Mike Nichols. There you go. I was close. Yes. Mike Nichols. Hello, dolphin, my old friend.

Should consider your future going to dolphins. Now, no, Elaine, you have to listen to me. Elaine, I need you to do some punch-ups on this dolphin script. It's garbage. if I don't get the dines in here. Elaine, please, I know. I know they stabs you in the back and all that. Please just punch this up for me.

It's garbage. Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Yeah, Mrs. Dolphin, dude. That's the move. Man, yeah, we really should get to the bottom of whether or not Elaine May was an uncredited script doctor on Day of the Dolphin. She could have been a dolphin herself.

I don't know. She's very smart. Very smart lady. But yeah, because of the 20% they have echolocation, which is like, I guess that allow, and again, like, if you kept it within this realm of, like, kind of telekinesis kind of stuff. Yep, just mine stuff, dude. It would be kind of a cool action movie, which this should be. And then, you know, we'll talk about where it goes, but that's sort of. He always fucks it. That's, I mean, after the 90s, he just always ends up fucking it.

At the end. This movie, you know, because it's so smart, it has the guts to ask through Morgan's Freeman's. human's presentation, are humans more concerned with having than being? Yep. Yep. Probably. Roll credits. Yo, teach.

Hey, teach. In the back. I got it. Yep. I also love this thing because somebody is like, so 20% echo location. What would be 40%? Oh, probably matter manipulation, a little bit of this, a little. You know, I mean, every cell could do this, that, the other thing.

He's like setting up with this stuff. He's like, that's why he's not, he's not doing this lecture in France or something, right? He's not, he's not in the United, he got picked out of everywhere, you know, the U.S. England, he had to keep traveling to find someone who'd buy his cockamini bullshit. The ideas were too dangerous. That was the problem. Yeah, he's, yeah, I got to do an opening for a Roman Polansky Film Festival here in France. The only place I'll have me.

They're also going to be given an award to Kevin Spacey. Yeah, that actually happened. but yeah so like it's like but it's so funny it's like 40% like matter manipulation this idea and then some guy raised his head like well what would 100% be he goes oh my god I can't even imagine

I'm like you make it up anyway just say anything just say something and make it sound cool dude and everybody will think you're totally awesome what's great too not to get ahead of ourselves but the answer that 100% is well they'd give me something really cool on a flash drive of your speech stink And it's like, what?

That's a computer. A hundred percent of human brain potential, you turn into a computer. So she wakes up and she's in a hotel room, it looks like. She's bandaged and sort of bleeding from her stomach. And she gets forced in to see Mr. Jang there. And in comes this creepy white guy who hilariously is just credited as the Limey. Oh, I love that. You know what?

That's cool. And we learn, here's the deal. No, we haven't stolen any of your organs. We're not the Andethals. We have taken these packs of these purple pellets and put them inside your body and sewn you back up. And you're going to be drug meals for us is the idea. I would stay away from spicy food for a little while. Sorry for you, Italian guy.

He gives them all passports, where they're going to go. And he says specifically, if you try and run, when you get to the airport our guys will meet you will take the product it'll be fine to be compensated we try and run we have information

on your families so like you really got to do they don't even say compensation they say you'll get you the freedom you desire I see yeah and she's got a great line and she just goes to the sky

she goes you're gonna sell this and I'm like yeah Lucy they're clearly drug dealers dude of course that is what's going on let's follow the movie We might only castrate Lucy's nephew. I don't want to keep talking about this Morgan Freeman lecture because it sucks.

But we do keep going, but it's a lot of the movie. It's most of the film. There's one part that I think is the highlight of it, though, where he's talking about cells only exist to, as he puts it, travel through time, which is to say, like, created age and die. Right? So that's travel through time, not like DeLorean. and he says if they find a favorable habitat they will reproduce which then cuts to one of Chris Cabin's favorite cutaways these animals fucking yeah baby

and then including like some lady getting railed in like a people mover or finicular or some fucking thing or well it's a backseat of a car actually just getting fucked in the backseat of a people mover that's fair that's fair and then like oh the purpose of them reproducing of course is to hand down information to the next cell you see cut to Stan Brackage's window water baby moving

It's just like This lady's giving birth There's all these like a rhinoceros is giving You're just seeing little babies shoot out of all these animals Sure Yep Anything to get this And it doesn't even get it across the line

But anything to get this to 90 minutes Which it fails at Yeah babies they come out of holes Most of life is about holes If you think about it So another 30 minutes with me And we'll get back to whatever kind of weird action movie this is supposed to be.

And by the way, this is not for cost credit. This is an extra, this is a whole separate deal, okay? There will be a finale. There'll be an exam halfway through and then at the end as well. Professor, I have a question, why am I here? Well, I don't know. The movie won't tell me. Well, you're going to tell me what happens when we get to 100% children.

I have not read a full script since the Shawshank Redemption, you understand. What I get a cult? pages. They are loose-scatted pages in which my character appears. Otherwise, I am unconcerned with what's going on in the film. As to why your character, which is an extra, is here at my lecture. Let me just venture a guess and say, free ticket giveaway. You call the radio station. Congratulations. There'll be weird catered sandwiches later. Those things always have weird catered sandwiches. It's disgusting. They're always gross. And I

I always say I like that he's like, when the environment is unfavorable, people want to become crazy, self-interested immortals. When it is favorable, they want to reproduce and actually become us. And I'm like, okay, that's something I understand. That is an actual fact that actually makes sense and actually is, you know, worth me knowing in this movie. It's true. That's a good fact. And I learned, I never did find a favorable condition.

No. I don't think anybody is, Eric. I think that that's why Elon's problem with the birth rates might be happening. Conditions seem very unfavorable. Pretty bad. Generally. Just give people money, please. So we got Lucy in a van with crime men here.

Yeah, you like that? I do like that. I actually, I do like the shot of her. She's got a bag over her head and you're sort of seeing inside the bag. And she's like in her head like, keep coming. just chill out and see what happens, you know, and like you're seeing all these cool lights, you know, from outside, you know, wherever in Taiwan they are

and like all these neon lights hitting the bag and then hitting her face. It looks pretty sweet. It was a moment of me sort of snapping out of it and being like, oh, this is kind of something. You're going to get through this. You're going to make it. You're going to be in a lot of Avengers movies until you're not.

And you're going to bury the guy from Weekend Update. No, not the good one. No, not him either. Keep going. There are good ones. Well, this is what I'm married to Scarlett Johan. Norm MacDonald married to Scarlet Johansett's.

That would have been something. Sure. That was been beautiful. How about Dennis Miller? Married to, married to Norm McDonald's? I'm going to get under your skin, babe. We crossed the Rubicon and got married.

You know, they did this a lot in ancient Greece, babe. Oh, yeah, yeah, the butt sex. That's Norm responding to him. Oh, got it. on their wedding night. You got to consummate it. Come on. Of course. Wanted to be the real deal.

Well, this is, interestingly, so this is between, so she had this, the seven years, Captain America Winter Soldier, which she's in a lot of. But so this is, yeah, this is in between Avengers and Avengers Age of Ultron, but also that was in between those two movies.

She's rocking it in fucking her. Yep. And chef, which is, Not as good as her. Her is voice only, but yeah. Yeah. But she's, I will say that, you know, just, well used. She's not used.

We're having a lot of fun with Scarjo here, but she is an excellent actress when engaged. When, when, like, she's, she likes the project and is excited about it and there's like something. Like a marriage story. Marriage story, she's fantastic. Yes, and Morgan Freeman, we could say the same about it. Yes. Under the skin, she's great in. The one thing I will just, I think Morgan Freeman is horrible in this movie.

I like Scarlett Johansson this I think she's doing I think she's doing exactly what you need to be doing in this movie which is crazy and not something I would ask of her usually but I think she does it well I love the scene we're about to get to it when

it's the spinning room and like she's going up on the wall it's kind of a wiggle jiggle yeah a little bit of a wiggle juggle I mean Chris Cabin let's talk about it we're at it right now as a matter of fact they take her from the van to this place she's chained to a wall this fucking scumbag dude comes in

fucking gropes her for a second there. She makes note of that and then does like a I'm not in the mood kind of thing and this dude beats the shit out of her including several rounds of Robert De Niro kicks to the stomach right where you

guessed it that drug pouch is sitting way down in the ocean your job you're a drug mule pen person you know what I mean you're supposed to get them from point A to point B yes I understand what treat human beans is garbage

but don't be kicking people in the stomach that's what drugs are Steve I'm gonna be I don't think they hire the smartest people for these positions You gotta pay them and be done with them So he's like a 9% or you're saying I don't even think that Eric

I think we're down to six I think it's also just like that's where she's hurt That's what will inflict the maximum pain Right now which I understand going for I think it's also a problem of compartmentalization though dude Like Mr. Jang's not telling the whole story to everybody. That guy doesn't know she's got a pouch of fucking space

drugs in her gut. It's like Opi, right? Like Oppenheimer, they're compartmentalize. That's a problem. Yep. If he was up front about it, that dude would know, oh boy, the drugs are in there better not kick her in the stomach repeatedly. But soon enough, she is climbing up the walls literally. She's just twisting and turning

all over. And we learn that it's because she got really smart. That's why she's floating. High smart. He kicks it. The bag ruptures, you see. And all these sparks and boops and bleeps are going on in his stomach. It was like, I ate Taco Bell that night. You know, it's like, oh,

ah! Dude, this is another fucking, uh, we also saw the beginning of those Brian Singer X-Men movies. Yes. You're seeing all these like cells splitting apart and getting eaten by all these purple cells and whatnot. And I was like, Patrick Stewart

should be talking right now about something related to mutants. And yes, it is a cool, it's a little bit of a Jamaiqui video thing it is cool crawling around totally this was some real

virtual insanity right here at practical effect too not using a computer where you would almost always use a computer and I actually kind of think it's funny that something somewhat

similar habits to a bunch of Korean I guess they're just henchmen in a hospital and they do use the computer for that one I guess because it's a group but we'll get to it

when we get to it. Uh, but so yeah, she's crawling around. She's now, and she like kind of thuds after all the bleeps and bloops. And it goes, and this is when we start getting the countdown. Yep, 20%. Oh, man, 20%. Uh, and so, yeah, she wakes up, her eyes are totally blue. She's like, she gets up, she sits in this chair calmly, waits for this dude to come in, uses her, uh, amazing sexuality against him by just opening her legs. And this dude comes over thinking a porno scene's about to start. I got to tell you, I thought this, I didn't, listen, I didn't look up a thing about this movie, I didn't read a plot synopsis, I didn't look at a trailer, I didn't look at the rating, I was, just based upon how the movie was going, I was like, she's going to start sucking him and then bite it off. Oh, yeah. I was really hoping it was that kind of a movie, and it's unfortunately.

No, I wish, because there's, you know, there's, that would be something to talk about. Now, that's 20%. What? That is indeed. What, what is? 20% of the. episode. Andrew, what is the movie that put this gem in your mind that we were going to reach again? I think it was West Craven's last house on the left. I see. Oh, okay. All right. But I think a dude gets his cockpit in that movie. We forgot to mention here, we did another, we quick another lecture when we get to 20%. Imagine if we could use 20%

we'd have control over our own body. I'm like, we don't have that now? What does that mean? Yeah. Well, I mean, a disease can take over your body and render it useless but also you can like all your involuntary stuff like pain you don't have to worry about it you can just say oh I don't want to feel pain I'm not feeling pain I don't want to feel so Buddhist

Buddhist monks are at 20% is that what I'm sure? Probably got to get them tested they're very focused if I was running a henchman academy which it might be my retirement plan it's a good idea one accuracy is going to be we're going to spend a lot of time on accuracy with our guns or bocasters

whatever we got going on but absolutely class will be like if anyone comes on to you if we have someone in prison they don't have sex with you it's an escape plan they open their legs just leave the room

or just call for an adult like say yell orange a lot and then someone will come help you you know what I mean Steve are you calling that school Shlubra Kai yes but you're totally right

that should be lesson one if anyone you have imprisoned offers to suck your cock they're going to bite it off. I want to add something to the not smart thing with these guys. They also don't listen very well. And also have problems with authority, usually. So they, again, they

might have very well heard these things and they might have just, like a fart in the wind, might have gone away. Like a fart in the wind. But you go to henchmen school, you get a certificate from Steve Sadex henchman school. Now, you know you're getting the best of the best. Look out over there. That guy's Shlubrakeye certified.

Question about your school here. Now, If I get one of these guys and he dies, he fucks up, I get to go back for like a refund. No, well, I, no. Or I kill you now? This is Steve Zanak operation. There are completely 100% zero refunds. Thank you. I guess I'd kill you too now.

Listen, it's a certificate program. You could fire the guy. You know what I? Fire the guy. They lucy fired him. You did need. And I do think at some point there is going to be a tax investment. on

Shalbukry and there's going to be a problem there because I don't think you're going to do I think you're going to hand that over to the students Stephen I think they're going to have to deal with that my students do my business taxes I think so but so this action scene happens right she takes this guy's belt and

uses that as a whip I don't like the action in this movie I'll say because there's not really much of it you know she does walk out of this room and shoot a few guys that's cool the rest of the movie she's making people fall down or she's making them float and there's kind of nothing

going on in my opinion. I need her to be turning people into hamburger. Thank you, yes. Because they make her too powerful. If she's doing telekinesis stuff, then we're doing like cool Guncata stuff and that's a movie that I'll watch. Some Jedi mind tricks, why not? Yeah, that's like... Man, I don't know.

I don't know how my letterbox ratings shake out or whatever, but like... I have a feeling... What was that Guncata movie? Oh, equilibrium? previous episode. I think I found that slightly more watchable than that.

In some ways. In some ways, not in all ways. I kind of agree with you, Andrew. I think there's more of a fucking villain plot in that movie. Yes, there's character motivation at the very least. Don't worry, guys. They're both stupid in my eyes. So she shoots all these dudes.

We get her like eating a bunch of food because I guess it's been like in a 24 hours. She probably hasn't eaten. Probably quite a lot, yeah. She realizes she needs the calories to keep going, a deal and she gets in this she gets shot she doesn't feel pain she just looks like oh i guess i was shot so well she takes the bullet out yes oh that's why she's like fishes around that shows she doesn't feel pain she's like right it just it just like falls out like is that like i'm making my poo float out of my body now because i'm smart she pulls it out she doesn't it doesn't fall out

she literally pulls it out i'm pulling turts that uh-huh yeah you know i that normal thing we all do you little brains use 10% i'm pulling my shit out with my head like a smart person would i'm not leaving it up to peristolsus like the rest of you cave man it's like that me oh that meme template that's like the moron thinks one thing the regular guy thinks this other thing and then the smart guy thinks with the moron thing so you get back to it yeah so she uh gets in in this cabby's face and uh you know pulls a gun out driving to the hospital or whatever and as we're going along here actually one good thing real quick. She asks

if the cabby speak English, one guy says no and she shoots him. That's not bad. The other guy can't speak English. So it's, take me to the hospital. Eric, she's getting smarter. The killing people is not something smart people do. We all know this. She just did. She just shot this guy.

She's not there yet. The whole shit with, well, it's right here, right? Because she is like sitting around and she's listening to people on cell phones yards away, right? And then later, she goes into the hospital, she's able to decipher the Mandarin signs

directing her where to go in the hospital. Now, here's the biggest, er, what are you fucking doing with this movie plot hole kind of thing? Like, why does this super genius that she's getting and all of this universal understanding, why does that never come to her actually speaking of foreign, a different

language? You know what I mean? And in that instance, just dubber, it doesn't fucking matter, but like the fact that that doesn't happen, but you do see her understanding signs, I was like, guys, I'm out. How do you fucking miss that? It's irritating. She should be like, from the rest of this sequence,

she should be speaking, you know, Mandarin to these people. She should be the fucking Star Wars Universal Translator. Like, honestly, like, it's so dumb that they never take advantage of that in this movie. She should be speaking fucking French to the cop. That doesn't happen. She should be C3PO. I agree completely. Which are quite similar to your binary load lifters in most respects. Oh, you're melting me down for parts.

Yeah, I get it. That oil bath would just look pretty good. Am I right, everybody? Oh, thank the maker, this oil bath. She's kind of taking an oil bath in that fucking sci-fi movie there. Under the skin, yeah. Yeah. We're actually just doing Joan Rivers' character in Spaceballs.

Dot Matrix. Yeah, it's Dot Matrix. You know, dot Matrix is a classic character, so it's all right. She goes to the hospital. it's kind of cool this is a cool sequence I think she again and this fits with the knowledge thing

she sees these people these dudes they're operating on a guy and she looks at the charts and she's super genius now and she shoots the dude and flips him off and everyone's like

oh my God she's like you weren't gonna save him anyway it was an inoperable tumor and then they just all go okay you're right white man

sure she's also pointing a gun at them so whatever you say yeah that might have something to do with it I don't know this is the part of the like she can just kind of do whatever she wants and it's annoying from at least me as an audience member like I'm staring at those x-rays she's looking at fucking head scans and parts of it are like flaring up and I'm like what is any of this yes and then she has to explain it two seconds later as you know to the doctors but to the audience like don't worry I'm still the hero I killed that guy because you weren't going to save him anyway and it's just like I hate playing ketchup like that with a script I don't think it's interesting I don't think it's any kind of like mysterious wave that. you're putting over the movie,

I just think it's annoying. That's fair. I think the scene, we're not there yet where I'm like totally out. I think the moment, I've done bin out, I'm sorry.

So she calls, while they're operating on her, she takes the drugs out of me, fix my arm. She calls her mother, and this is like a scene. I really like this. I thought this was incredibly well done.

Well, this is before she turns into a robot too, which is also kind of stupid. The loss of the emotion is a huge mistake. stake in this movie. Yes. Because this is good.

I will admit it. This is good. She's like talking to her mom and like, hey, it's like, she realized, I think she even says, like, she's not going to live another 24 hours at the rate. She's going. She knows that. I could feel everything, the space, the air. Remember the cat with the broken?

You can't possibly remember that. You were one years old. I remember how your milk tasted in my mouth. That's a Luke Bissan. What if I put something in there? Totally. Some real fucking homeland. or shit as far as I'm concerned.

Get sucking. Thank you, mom and dad for the 1,000 kisses. I do like her calling her mom. I do like the idea of maybe understanding this character. I wish we got more than just that she had a mom and dad. Yeah, I'll tell you this. I think she does great. What was obnoxious about it, though,

whoever they have doing the mom on the phone is not reacting appropriately to if your child called you from the other side of the world and was talking the shit that she's talking. You have to be freaking out. You're on fucking drugs. What happened? There's nothing. She says at the start of that phone call,

like the mom's like, I hope you're not fucked up on shit again or whatever. We're not partying too hard. It sounds like party talk, right? If you call me up out of nowhere, I'd be like, I could feel the fucking air in the space. That's fine.

She's fucked up. I wrote a lot of it down, too. She goes, I can feel the blood in my veins. I can feel my brain, the deepest parts of my memory. I can feel the pain in my mouth when I had braces. Honey, go to urgent care right now. Eric, Eric, you just did more than this fucking mom does in the movie, and it's ridiculous.

People need to start casting me as moms and movies. Eric Siska as voiceover mom won. Thank you. I'd be a great mother. If only I found a favorable condition. I can feel the awesome solo in this song. Like, go to urgent care. You're not okay.

Someone has toast you. I hope you're by yourself. I am at urgent care. Even worse. All right. Well, if you're at urgent care, find your way to the chillout tent. How about that, whatever electric music festival you're at? Get some art, babe, get some orange slices.

You're going to be all right. It's ice water, art slices. So the dude pulls this bag out, you know, while she's hanging up the phone here. And he says, she says, oh, it's C-P-H-4. Tell me all about that right now. Let's stop the movie and tell us about this drug. It's this like, oh, it's this compound that pregnant women produce. It helps the fetus.

It's sort of like the big bang for the fetus. It starts making it grow bones and this, that and the other thing. And this dude is just like, I am amazed you're still alive to which she has a cool response here. Not for long. Which is nice. Why is this going to be a party drug? Oh, cool. I got all this fucking awesome fetal shit going on up my nose.

Dude, that's right. I'm growing bones like a baby right now in the clock. exactly that's why you need you need that the fucking tweaker that they have test it and then they murder him you need to have that guy be at a level where he can speak and like sort of explain some of what he's feeling or whatever kind of a buttery aftertaste there's some woody notes underneath the oh the turpines the terpenes in this CPH4 nuts a lot of pine but yeah so like that she realizes this and

goes outside and she starts looking at the roots and like the root systems and plants. Uh-huh. She's just staring at that for a little bit. I would just be if you're so smart, if I started seeing the plants like this, I'm like, oh, fuck I'm really high. All right, I'm just going to relax. You know what I mean? Like, this will pass.

You know what I mean? Yep. We've all been here where you're like, fuck, this is not going to go away. Oh, yeah. Everybody's overindulged on this podcast. Don't worry about it. And in that moment, you just have to realize, like, if you center yourself and you're like, look, Depending upon what you took and how much of it, this is your next, like, four to six hours.

Yes. Put on a string of cartoons and just sit on the couch or whatever. Don't go out, don't go outside. Certainly don't go back to the hotel for Mr. Jang, who's getting a tattooed done while he's got cucumbers on his eyes and a little face mask going on. I think she handles this situation pretty well. She kills everybody and then stabs his hands.

You've got to kill Mr. Jang here. I guess like she's above it. or something. Well, she, or she sees, she's seeing the future and she sees his place and all, I don't know. This is when it bothers me. She puts, this is where it starts getting, she shoots all these dudes, it's a cool thing. Like, she's, like, amazing with guns, because she's a genius. This part's fine by me, yeah. She shoots through the, like, the door without seeing, like, and gets them all. And kills all the dudes in the hotel space. I assume that's, like, a daredevil kind of a thing she could hear

to them. You know what I mean again? Sure, would have loved to have seen any of that, but I'm looking at fucking roots from plants outside. but she puts both of her thumbs and goes inside this dude's memory oh god yes this is like vulcan mind meld she does to find the other drug mules and it's like oh what's that well your brain is telling me well your brain has like a a fish eye lens above that room and I'm seeing that guy had a Berlin ticket Paris ticket Rome ticket thank you for sharing she does say thank you for sharing and just leaves him screaming in the room. Yeah, because she stabs them both in both hands, which is pretty cool. Yeah, no, I like that, but it's like, it's, it's purely so you can have this dude, you know, be at the end of the movie. Also, though, Choiman Sick, like, dude is no stranger to screaming on cameraman.

He's great at it. He does a great job at screaming at it right here. And then we cut to Morgan Freeman at the Westin Paris saying, yeah, I believe I will be having dinner here tonight. I need a nap. Can we go to the nap? We cut away, that's it. He just says, yeah, I guess I will have dinner at the hotel tonight.

Cut back to Lucy. I mean, I don't know. I think he needs some rest. He's about to meet a supercomputer later, you know? And he's going to be a one. It also lets you know that this guy is successful, but not that successful. He's in a Weston. He's out of Weston.

I'll tell you this, though. They're nice. They are. No, no, no, I'm not going to slam Westons at all. We've stayed at Weston's on the road several times, and it's always been great. But if I went up to the front desk and I was like, oh, hey, person working at the Weston, you know, I'm kind of tired. I think I'm going to have dinner in the hotel tonight. This dude would be like, well, I don't give a fuck.

It's this amazing how invested this desk guy is in Morgan Freeman's dinner place. Once you get old, you can do this type of shit. And I cannot wait. Oh, yeah. Gerard, could you come in here, please? Yes, could you close the door? Thank you, Gerard. Gerard, I hear you told a customer, what the fuck do I care about what you're doing?

Sorry, Gerard, you will be fired. We cannot be dealing with this. I'm sorry. To be fair, sir, in my defense, as Gerard, it was Andrew Jupin from We Hate Movies. Oh, sacre bleu. Never mind. Fuck that guy.

Who from what? That's what I said. I didn't give a shit when he was having for dinner. Is that a hamburger restaurant? What is that? She goes back to what we assume is her apartment and her roommate Caroline is there. This is the one that's

played by Leo Tipton. She's like, oh this you know talking about her day and like you know I got fucked by this agent at a fancy hotel that's her

she does a scan of her body when they meet so she knows that she's been doing too much partying she needs to go too much partying

yeah she needs to be going can I use your can I use your laptop I'm going to check my e-mail real quick oh I'm going to read the whole internet because I'm a genius

I just read the internet back to front. This whole like, it's two roommates, foreign country, the apartment that looked such as it was, I was like, is this movie now going to take like an Amanda Knox turn? Like, is that going to happen? Like, the woman's getting murdered.

And she's like on the hook for it. And she's got to do a bunch of Lucy magic to get out of this murder beef. Is that the idea? But she realizes by reading the internet that Morgan Freeman is the smartest brain guy. And then she's like, by the way, he's the only one that gives a shit about this.

by the way Caroline your party it too hard your kidneys are gonna give out eat organic and I'd be like oh great she did way too much fucking I don't know what she did she did way too many drugs or it also sounds like she maybe did

join fucking Scientology I don't know what's going on here Your ear reading is way off the charts babe The drugs finally broke her Whatever happened it finally happened It just she's no longer here anymore Why couldn't and again I love that this movie is 89 minutes

It's a masterful achievement that it's 89 minutes but why not start this movie instead of like the hungover next morning start it with the partying let us see this roommate let us see because like this roommate is how you would see how she lives right

they can have a bunch of expository dumps about finals and auditions and whatever the shit. Objection your honor this is binding in the movie Romulus this is something I am not concerned with I want to know anything about this character of Lucy and I know that she's a 40 year old student in

Taipei. That's it. She's got a bad roommate. That's all I know. I don't need to know. Like, if it's the partying I need to know about, we see the partying, he's like, dosing her at the beginning. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not partying?

No, it is partying, but it's a dialogueless montage. I just want, like, you don't get a moment. As much as there's, like, the credit sequence so I can settle into the movie, give me just a few minutes to settle into these characters, because I'm sorry the whole, like, we're just going to start at the start and it's going to be jumping with it like it's at least for me it's not the

breakneck speed action whatever that i think other people making this movie thought it was going to be i agree with you i mean because it's i mean at this point they're just all unsympathetic characters because i don't know anything about them i don't care about them there's no like i there's nothing that makes me think oh lucy i hope she makes it you know yes exactly i don't give a fuck what happens to this person and it's a huge problem for a movie and this is when she turns into a robot. Like right around here, she's doing... It's an airplane. It's a plane ride. That, to me, is where

things really just go south. It's when she starts turning it to dust on the airplane ride. Or before that, when she's changing the color of her hair on the plane, like she's fucking miss out of here. Guys, we're getting ahead of ourselves because she calls Morgan Freeman on his television at this point, right?

Dude, like the game or something. Yes, thank you. Hello, Morgan Freeman. I have a sexy actress here who's going to talk to you for little bit. The TV's talking to me again. Better order dinner at two-the-room. Also, by the way, I'm alone in a hotel. You better knock before you fucking call my TV, FYI. Oh, yeah, absolutely. If you got eyes on my room, you need to give me a few minutes before that camera lens turns on. Oh, I didn't expect this guy, Johanson. Oh. And no, maybe I'm not fucking jerking off to pornography. Maybe I'm just naked eating a pizza, and I don't want you

see in that either. Either or. Those are the two choices. Well, she's smart enough to know exactly when you'd be naked eating a pizza and jail at the same time. She can see pretty well. Me in a hotel is like that when Marge is selling real estate and the front of the house falls down and it's Lenny and it's like, please don't tell people how I live. Like it's that, that's me at a hotel, dude. Please don't tell people how I live at a hotel. I already know. Hello, Professor Norman.

You might want to take that belt off your neck before we start talking. You know, statistically, you're in a lot of trouble jerking off like that. Especially for a guy your age. That's a losing bit. And you were watching Molly's game? If only this happened earlier, she could have saved David Carodine. Oh, man. Everybody's like, what?

Oh, my God. She's like, you're the foremost brain expert. And I'm calling you because of that. And he's like, I can. I said, I read all your reasons. You read all of my research. Oh, 6,492 pages of it. It's kind of great.

She's like, your work is rudimentary, but it'll do, like, or whatever that line is. I love rudimentary, though, which is great. But she's talking about, yeah, what's happening to her. She's at 28% at this point, I'm colonizing my own brain. She says, I can start to control other people's bodies. I'm controlling electromagnetic waves, TV, phone, radio, electricity. And then, yeah, this is where she makes the lights flicker, Like it's a altergeist, and then she comes on the TV.

She's cognizant of what percentage she has. That's pretty stupid. It's pretty smart, actually. Yeah, you're right. You don't know what a percentage you got. I'm low. It's low. It's got to be low.

But then it's just weird because she's like, yeah, all, you know, I don't feel pain. I don't understand fear. I have no desire. All these things that make me a human being slash a character are fading away. Like, and I'm just sitting there like, okay, so now this performance is going to start to get real boring. And it does. Yes, it sure does. And she's like, I'm going to be in Paris 24 hours.

And we're going to figure. Well, she actually asked him, like, what, what should I do with all this knowledge, you know, basically? Because I don't have desire anymore. I don't know what to do. And he's like, well, the one thing human beings want to do is pass it off. You know, so maybe do that. I don't know. What are you going to write some of this shit down?

What's this fucking flash drive shit? Yeah, well, that's the mystery, right? Like, we don't, we're not, we're too dumb to, they, we're too dumb to understand how. smart whatever is on that thing is. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, she bids farewell to the roommate. Yeah, she tells her to go to the doctor and stop drinking and whatever. She's walking around a mall right here and we see that she is on the news. She's on the hook for the Mr. Jang shooting incident or whatever. This is where she's changing her hair color and shit. She calls the Paris cops, Bing, 30%, just so everyone's on the same level here. And so now that she's at 30%

when she's on the phone with this guy being like this, that, and the other thing, here's how I'm going to make you believe me pick up that red pen on your desk next to you because I can just, I don't know, see through the fucking phone or see through your webcam or some shit, I know what's on your desk. I can see it on.

Hearing your voice, I can hear it vibrating off of all the different items in your, right? And I can see it all in my head. She also does a crocodile dundee to these dogs, by the way. Oh, she sure does, dude. She stares this airport dog down. This dog's sniffing around where it shouldn't be. And she just goes, oh.

That's how I vocalize a Scarlett Johan's stare. And then this dog goes, I would love that fucks off to like, you know, antagonize animals. You don't need superpowers to do that, dude. I think you know antagonize an animal. Yeah, I think you could go to, most people go to juvenile detention for that error. And then grow up to become serial. killers later. Thank you for saying I look so young, Chris. You do. You look beautiful, buddy.

So she's like, hey, these three dudes are coming into these three cities with this fucking magic purple rock powder shit. You should get them. And we get a quick. I like this montage. The dude in Berlin arrested immediately. The dude in Paris arrested immediately. This dude in Italy in Rome tries to book it for a second. Nah, he's tackled immediately. No, he's tackled immediately. No, always the Italians, isn't it? Jesus Christ. But yeah, they are question, is this guy supposed to be an Italian the guy who goes to Rome? They don't I don't think they tell you. It's just whatever. There's talk, I think it's like you'll be home. I think it's supposed to be your home country at least. So I think so. Oh, it is. Okay. Well, because

the guy, the guy going to Berlin, we hear talk later and he's like, yeah, I'm just from Germany. Whatever. We don't hear the Paris dude. But the Rome guy, they're like, oh, could you come this way with us, sir? Right before he runs away. And you just hear him. And he goes, yes no problem

like it's just it's a total not Italian accent it's weird but yeah no I just looked it up in this that guy is an Italian actor and I wonder if it was a dub or something the French guy is a French guy so what of interesting like things about the movie is a global human experience

that's why there's the Korean mob and the American and there's an African American guy you know what it's about globalism that's yeah exactly well you know we're not too different you and I we all want to fuck 15-year-old girls, right?

Right? You're talking about Luke Besan voice. Oh, God, yes. See, you did your Luke Bassan voice in an American accent, and look what happened, dude. It was a huge disaster. That's something, like,

because it's showing all the different people, so you could do a movie like that, Steve, Luke Passan, Woody Allen, Roman Palance. Oh, man, the expendables. Oh, boy. The very expendables.

Actually, we got to, call it the dependables because we're wearing diapers. Did we just, were you going to do the same joke? I was going to do it that the babies that they like to have sex with you wearing the diapers. Oh, I close enough. Cut two, so she's on this plane and this is where, yeah, we crossed the line into just unimaginable stupidity, but seconds before it, I do love this, I'm on two laptops and I'm just moving my hands.

It reminded me of whatever that, that Seinfeld is where Kramer gets the fake job and he's like pretending to be on the computer. and he's just jamming the keyboard. Like, you can't... It's amazing. And it's not a scarlet thing. No. You know, it's nobody can make fast typing like a genius look believable on a computer.

You just like a little kid being like, I'm working with daddy at the office. Like, that's what you look like. It's great. It's also very much, that little boy is playing three games of chess at one. Check great, check right, checker, check, check, right. Exactly. I don't know what we're going to do, Roman. We need explosives experts.

you know i have brett ratner's phone number in my case put him on Kevin spacey just turns out i'm putting together a team uh i do it's yeah it's it's uh john milly is it's uh who else is uh mr fucking x-men Brian Singer of course he's part of the dependables but you know what no Brian Singer

because you have to get one of them to be a villain too Brian Singer's got the villain look he's He's got a bare narrow face. He could be, he's getting a little reptile look to him. They're all villains, Chris. Well, it's true. My favorite line of the movie, she's got. That's a tagline.

I'd like some, yes. I'd like some champagne, please. They give it to her. First of all, I'd be getting shit-ass wasted. Of course. All this shit's going on my brain. The only way to cool it down is some sweet, sweet alcohol. 24 hours to live?

You know, even more of a reason to be shit-faced. Uh-huh. And so she's just, to knowledge and takes the champagne. To knowledge is, pretty great. Oh, oh, my teeth are falling out. There goes a tooth. There's more. When you're at 40% dude, apparently your teeth

start falling out of your head. But is you taking the drug that babies use like they use it. The babies are shooting it up. No, that make them grow you know, bones. So I think she should have more teeth coming out. Yes. There should be teeth under the teeth that she's got

more teeth. Giant Scarlet Johansson. I'm just saying. Oh, there you go. I mean, she honestly, she should look like that dentist's illustration of Lisa not getting braces and the tooth is just going through her upper lip. Honey, I blew up Scarlet Johansson.

The skin starts to peel off. But it's more like it's all turning into dust or something. Computer. It's all it's it's all it's the blip. That's supposed to be computer. I mean, it's the computer that did it. Yes. And then I'm going to go to the Beartreub and she goes in

and her face turns into the fucking end of the ring and I'm like this is not the movie I wanted to watch and also like speaking of Brian Singer I mean the whole her flaking off here funny enough I didn't think of the blip I thought about when Gene Gray kills Xavier

in Last Stand and he just kind of flakes away to nothing and I'm like all right well now I'm just thinking about watching fucking X-Men movies even one I don't care for and I'd rather be watching it than this movie well and then she turns into complete dust in this bathroom I've done that before but like

we cut to her waking up in a hospital bed and it's like what exactly happened after she's exploded into light but no but first she's munching on those fucking blue drugs to think she allows her to reconstitute herself thank you that's right that's right like me with a buttery corn on the cob dude she is just I kind of love that I love that it's so disgusting it is it's the most disgusting she's ever been on camera

it's so funny And they're like, ma'am, ma'am, I'm taking a huge shit. Do you mind? That's going to get everybody, you know, whatever. Yeah, just, oh, well, we better back off. She's taking a huge shit. That's why she used telekinesis to throw my co-worker across the room here, you can see. I'm pulling turds out of my ass.

That's how smart people do it. Just like Stephen Hawking did. He's the one guy that could. Professor, I'm shitting. so they get to the airport all these cops are here these french cops and she's like i need to talk to you alone cool move here she makes all these other agents go to sleep and they just drop down and she makes the bullets just fall out of this dude's gun pretty cool stupid thing here but at a certain point yeah when she's getting on the plane because everyone's looking for we say that she like

changes her hair like mystique to like a long straight black hair look yeah it's clearly a wig but still pretty awesome the rest of the movie she's got this like dye blonde hair. You can see the black roots. And when she's not doing it, she goes back to it. That doesn't make a ton. You know what I mean? Like, wouldn't she just make herself a regular blonde then or something? She wishes.

I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, Eric. And at this point, I believe she wakes up in the hospital and they're like, oh my God, she's got 50% or something. And the reptile eye happens for two seconds. Yes. I think this is the reptile eye moment. It's a bunch of different eyes. It's not just a reptile eye. An owl eye, you get

You get the whole thing. It's right before she knocks all these Frenchmen out. So we're up to 40%. So this is... No, we're up to 50%. Okay, 50%. This is what? The reptilians, right?

Because that's real. So certain politicians and stuff have that reptile eyes. Sometimes I've learned from Info Wars. So they must be using 50% of their mind to have that kind of eye. It's true. Just saw the movie Lucy and never saw a stronger. indictment of the campaign of Hillary Clinton in my life than the film

Lucy with all the reptilian eyes. But it is accurate to what that experience is like. I've seen this all happen in front of my very eyes, folks. I have, of course, unlocked 45% of my own mental capacity. And you can too with this new

Lucy dust that I'm selling. Yeah, that's right, folks. This is genuine Lucy dust and that movie is spilling state secrets. C.H.P. three. It's just like CHP4. It does the same thing. It also might cause you to grow a third heart. That's right. Contact me now to get your CP. Right on in. That's right. Lucy does. You completely made up of the ground powdered bones of Scarlet Joe Hanson. You snort Scarjo. You are

unlocking another 40% of your mental faculties. And I'll tell you, when you unlock that much of your mental capacity, the possibilities of chili recipes is through the roo. Oh shit. Yeah, dude. Wow. I'm reading all the recipes for chili on every laptop. Every chili recipe that's ever been written on

grandpa's notepad taped to the back of peepa's workshop. I've become chili destroyer of toilets. I've seen too much chili recipes. Chili's have been rendered inconsequential. I can no longer make a chili. I must make a burger. And also act now folks.

get the Lucy dust, I will send you a t-shirt that says, I use 60% of my brain, but my daughter still won't talk to me. Now, if you, excuse me, I got to float into a Wendy's and use my brain powers to make all that chilly float right into my mouth. It's an exclusive here with InfoWars that we have, the new strain C-P-H-5, and that is true. Folks, you will build a new brain within your head with this. If you just take whole boxes of it. and eat them with your hands.

You will become a greater person. You will also lose that beer belly in six to eight weeks at the same time. Yeah, get your CP from InfoWorce. To knowledge, the knowledge of Jeffrey F.C.'s death, by the way. Oh, bye. Hey, Bruce, do you know, is your nuts sac supposed to actually melt into your thigh? Because that's what I got going now. The CPH5, I don't, I do feel powerful.

I will tell you that. I feel very powerful. He's not going to be, he's not fine. and his own testicles, that guy. No, no, they're long gone. The doctor is like, I gave her a sedative. She should be out for hours and she wakes up. Yeah, she's doing Professor X shit or whatever.

Right. She ends up watching cell phone signals like it's the Matrix code. Yes, they're riding through Paris and all of a sudden she's like pinching strains of information like it's Minority Report also. Sure. Whatever the fuck ever, movie. This is when they start. Is this the car chase?

well that's being cut in with the Koreans taking the packets out of the of the other uh the other the other fellas that got arrested if you're watching this movie and you see a woman almost turned to dust and then go to the hospital and get to Paris you would have guessed that the Korean gang some plot was over uh-oh it sure ain't because they're here now in Paris and they're part of the movie ladies and gentlemen Well, when they're the only antagonists you have in the fucking first place, dude, you've got to keep him around.

Also, I mean, Mitzvich has a tendency to be obsessive. He was obsessional, boy. He just might not be able to let it go. Right, right. But yeah, they're grabbing all these blue dust at a different hospital that they're kind of rushing to, right?

They are, they are, yes, she insists on driving. She forced, force pushes him into the shotgun seat. she's speeding to a hospital from the airport. That's what's confusing about it. She wakes up in what is seemingly like a medical room and you think hospital again and it's just like a medical

room at this airport that it takes the movie way too long to leave. And this detective is Amurwa Kidd who's you know kind of the I guess a love interest question mark. No. I mean I think like she calls him a reminder

and I think that I mean if I had to take it I would say that's a joke for like what this movie should be the cop trying to fucking solve the fucking problem but like no it's just like oh here's somebody to kind of be your handler for like a little bit but we can have a kissy

a little kissy I guess yeah I could jerk you off with my mind we encountered this fella in no fewer than at least two previous episodes he's in Wonder Woman 1984 and he's also

in Geostorm I don't even remember Geo's storm, but I guess we covered it. But this is when... His big thing was he was one of the big dudes on that Netflix Marco Polo show. He was a little bit, yeah. And he's not bad here. He's fine. He's got jack-all shit to do, but sure.

It's a big old car chase. This is what the movie turns into dumb, Lola, dumb for a second. Oh, Jesus Christ. Now you're cooking with gas. That's 50% right there, this is sadac. That's what I like it, Mr. Sanex. But, like, it's stupid and she's using magic. Like, would it make you a cool driver too?

Like, you're never going to get into an accident? I guess so. Also, when she says, because he's like, you know, where did you learn to drive like that or whatever? And she's like, I've never driven before. At this point, I was like, all right, now is there some sort of, is it an alien symbiote thing? Is that the twist?

Eddie, I've never driven a car before. She turned into Venom goop, so yeah, maybe. Maybe. Yes, dude. A couple clues here. I was like, is this a secret venom movie? Could be. I do like this.

The massive shootout in this hospital is pretty awesome. She gets there just in time. Give me the case. Boom, 60%. She is, again, it's just, whatever. It's, I guess, neat. But it was driving me nuts because there's no rails. She's like, oh, now I'm going to pull.

put like an invisible wall in front of this guy. I'm just altering this man's reality so he can't run away with the suitcase. With my own mind that he's not, you know, it's one thing if I like put people, I don't, like put him under a spell of simulations, but just changing the world around you because you're smart. I don't really understand.

It's, it's, because I feel like this is, this is the moment. I'm stupid. In film, I mean, also by the way, we should say this movie was a huge success. It made almost half, half billion dollars. Really? A $40 million budget. Where's Lucy, too?

Good question. I think, well, Scarjo can't come back unless you can get sued. Well, we'll get another Lucy. But this is, I think, random pet theory is that this is like a moment in, you know, blockbuster filmmaking or filmmaking when we're like, Avengers had come out. We knew we liked superhero stuff, but we didn't know what to do with that. So we just were kind of throwing shit at the wall. Like, what if I made my own superhero, which were resoundingly everyone's,

said no to. Yes. The Han talk theory. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, that movie at least, I mean, you're like outright saying superheroes and shit. This is like kind of not that. I do want to point out though the fact that, I mean, yes, insane almost a half billion dollars at the worldwide box office.

Also, almost $35 million in Blu-ray and DVD sales. Nice to. Oh, yeah, baby. Holy shit. July 2014. What a time to be alive. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Transformers Age of Extinction. Tammy, Lucy, the Purge Anarchy, 22 Jump Street. How to Train Your Dragon, too. Are you naming all the movies that came out that year? This is the highest grossed in order of July. Okay. Okay. Okay. This movie was released the same day as that Hercules movie that Paramount had with Dane Johnson. Oh, yeah. And that did. very bad.

I remember when that came out. Oh, no. It was the Conan movie. Wasn't there a Conan movie? There's a Conan with Mooa. That's MoMAW. That was the Conan movie, a guy in my office that I didn't like very much at the time. Still looked like him. And I got fired for that job. I like, but

he was like, tell it everybody's like, oh man, tonight, me and the boys are going to see Conan. Me, the boys, Conan, tonight. You see it, O'Brien? Oh, man, that's awesome. So he's great. He's so good.

Me, the boys, definitely not our girlfriends who totally exist. Me, the boys, and no one else in America are going to see the new Godin movie. Sorry, you missed it, Steve. It was a great night with me and that guy. You were the boys? I was the boys. That was 2011, by the way, when that movie came out. That sounds good.

Steve, wait a second, though. So did that guy, what was that dude's like, did he have a report on Monday morning about what he and the boys thought of the movie? I think he liked it. I think him and the boys had a pretty good time. Sure. It was a great night. So, yeah, she, you know, she rips all these dudes in the hallway, like guns and knives

out of their hand. She's just casually walking toward them and, like, make them all, like, float up or whatever. And then suitcase guy, first he experienced a fake wall that he couldn't walk through. And then she, like, just freezes him and gets, you know, the suitcase or whatever. Suitcase guy now becomes the number two Because the movie's pretty much over But now he like There's a number two of the gang

And he's he's it essentially And there was a great I was saying how the subtitles like Fucked Me before Which they did But there was a great subtitle moment Where she goes to get the last baggie Which is left inside

The Dead Italian guy Who got shot in the back Running away in the in the fracas She goes to just put her hands inside the sky and the subtitles it was just all caps and it just goes

squishing. Yeah. I like it. Oh, it's squishing, dude. And then this is where it's like the pseudo,

you know, a romance or whatever with Amora Ken's character where she kisses him and he's like sacre bleu and she's like,

I guess it's just like to remind me about humanity or some shit. I don't know. Bye. Because he's like, would I go with you? And she kisses him. And he's like, I guess I will. You're a sexy lady. You're a little old. You're like 25 years old. And the writer of this movie thinks you

are a little old. So whenever she gets to Morgan Freeman at the university, he has gathered a couple of his colleagues and fellow intellectuals. Now be cool, you nerds. There's going to be an attractive woman coming in here. Everybody gird your lawns. Don't get sweaty. That's going to be Your first feeling, I don't want it happening. She appeared to me in my hotel TV last night. I promise you, this is a real thing I'm telling you about. I do like that he's like, I've assembled top men. Yes, dude, top men, I couldn't believe it.

Yeah. Really fucked up things she does here. And I guess it's like, because I don't got no emotion no more or whatever. This one scientist is like, so can you, like she explains everything. And Morgan Freeman explains everything. And so he's like, can you give us an example of like your gifts or whatever? And she walks right up to this dude, looks him dead in the eye and tells him she knows all about this fucking dead child he's got. She's dead zoning people now.

It's a little late in the day to start dead zoning people. Your daughter died in a car crash at six. The car had leather seats. How would you know that by touching this guy's shoulder? She read the internet. Yeah, you're right. No, you're right, Eric, because she says, she said, like, Morgan Freeman's like, this is Dr. Johansson, this is, and she cuts them off and it's like, I know everything about

all of them. Yes, okay. I have become Facebook. I mean, she is, I mean, we're, we're setting up for her to do a lot of time traveling, but. Yeah. It is suggested that she can do that. And they, that, that is, it's not internet shit because you flash back. She says something about a bird hanging from the rear view mirror and you flashed to the rearview mirror. And, her experiencing the world through his eyes. Yeah, yeah. Right, right. Yes. And this is like, she makes this big, it's almost interesting.

The speech about like, he's like, so math and like, she's like, no, not math, time. Because you think one in, you think one and one equals two, but one is always equal one because there's either matter or time, those are the two things. And time is the only unit of measurement because

it measures how matter exists in the world. And I'm like, sure. That's kind of an interesting idea. Like, okay, this is kind of core idea but if that's the case time should be the one thing she cannot manipulate that you know what I mean like if she is matter and time is time she can't touch time that

is the only thing if there's ever a rule of this sloppie movie that should be it Steve she's at 64% oh you know what happens at 64% I had no idea I do like her line to your point though she's got a really cool line all social systems we put in place are like it's like a sketch

yes you know and it's it goes into like we've put value in things like paintings and diamonds and monies fit and all this so we've just we've just decided as a civilization like this is how all of these systems should be put in place and it is kind of neat that her point is like

what if we didn't do that but like the movie's got 14 minutes left so I guess we're not going to really find out except in this weird tree of life montage bullshit thing we're going to see in a second it's like what Morgan Freeman is like I'm not sure mankind is ready for this. Might bring us instability in chaos.

Oh, ignorance brings chaos, not knowledge. I'm knowledge. And then she starts puking light. Yes. She does indeed. A pukin light and shit in math, man. And my dad's gambling from the computer at home. She's also slowly like a curing things.

Yes. The things are melting together, turning into this black. mass of something. Yes, this is the venom gloop and then like her gloop is connecting with the computers and it's like, ah, she's hungry for our energy and matter. That's why she's eating our computers. And outside, the French and the Koreans are going at it like you wouldn't fucking believe. It's another movie, man. Meanwhile, in movie two, yeah, exactly. When she is venoming and she's like, all her goop is going all over the place and like, by the way, Andrew, you said this before, but she does the hand thing, she gets like a monster. she gets a witch's hand for a second. It's pretty stupid. But she's doing the goop and it's like, oh, she's making a supercomputer. She's like grabbing the computers,

grabbing the computer towers. And she also very notably infects the printer, which made me howl with laughter. Oh my God. She's using the printer. She won't even need, she's so smart. There's no cartridge change.

It's amazing. Wait, is that? Oh, my God. That's my face smashed against the plate. Oh, my. How'd she get that? How can she do that? My butt cheeks, too.

Oh, my God. Her venom goop is becoming the ink to print on. Oh, no, she's reprinting all those photocopies from the Christmas party of last year. I have become Hewlett-Packard. Destroyer of worlds. Yes. She puts everyone in this white void, which means her. It's like the Matrix startup room for absolutely no reason.

Other than to reference the Matrix, I can't figure out why else you would do it. There was definitely a meeting where they're like, okay, What if, like, speaking of a cure of Chris, is like, what if we give her big old, like lizard, like big old, big old brain thing? Like, you know, to be bulging brain with the vein kind of thing. But then they're like, nah, she's got to be hot the whole movie. Sorry.

Dudes want to be jerking off all 89 minutes here, all right. Look, no, okay. We'll let her face turn into the venom group at the very end, okay? How about that? Right at the end, it can turn into the venom group. So we're at like 90% and the movie two is breaching containment and breaking into movie one. That's right.

So there's like a bazooka about to go off at her or whatever so that she just zooms away to the Eiffel Tower. And that sends her into time travel mode where we are seeing the whole damn thing and we're going to all the big spots. New York City, of course.

Yeah, baby. That's the big place. Times Square we get to see in 1900 or whatever. It's not smart to go to Times Square ever. There's no intelligent reason. If you're using 90-something percent of your brain, we know where near time square. Steven, the Virgin Megastore used to be there.

If you're going back in time, there was a reason. It's not there anymore. Sometimes people need to transfer trains there. Occasionally. You could go back in time, though, and you could see where Mr. Durst was trying to shop that one time. Yes, you could. That should be in this montage.

I should be in this. Me getting yelled at by Fred Durst's bodyguard. Oh, the universe is crazy. A bed bug ridden theater right there that you go to, occasionally. It's got a lot of movies. It's a big place. They renovated the regal. I used 90% of my brain. I'm

going to the Bubba Gump shrimp factory. See? It's that meme where the dumb guy and the smart guy are the ones that are right. I use 90% of my brain. I'm going to sit here and tell you with a straight face that raising canes, fried chicken strips are fucking worth a goddamn.

I haven't had him. I can't tell you. I'll tell you. Listen, here's the thing. There's nothing to write home about. Okay. It's just, it's just a chicken tendee. Sure. And in a blind taste test, it would just fall in with all the rest of the dude. What is this?

I'm going to tell you, I've tried, like, because I was told forever that I had to try the Chick-fil-A chicken, and I'm going to tell you right now, it tastes like shit. It tastes like absolute shit. It's just regular. I still never had Chick-fil-A, but I had this raising cane, and, uh, yeah, I don't know what all these European tourists are wasting their time for in Times Square. I use 90% of my brain. this Disney store is slightly bigger

than other Disney stores. Oh, we could get all kinds of M&Ms here. Percoise M&M. Pastel M&M. I use more than 10% of my brain. That means eating at this planet, Hollywood. It's the same food, but more expensive.

Did you know there's chicken guy now? Guy Fierry opened a chicken place. There's the TGI Fridays. Right near it, you could pay $35 for a hamburger. of TGI Friday's hamburger for $35. All of the knowledge of the universe is allowing me to see Mrs. Doubtfire on Broadway. I don't see the history of Ruby Tuesdays.

They did have the shrimp. You know, it's really smart that all these Broadway shows are now just movie adaptations. So, yeah, she's going back in time. We're seeing some Native Americans while she's just sitting in an office chair. That is the funniest part of it.

This whole montage, she is just comfortably in an ergonomic office chair. And one of those Native Americans is played by an actor named Kevin Dust. I was hoping it was Durst, but it was. Oh, no, damn it. Well, I mean, come on. Yeah. If you, I mean, what is something that you can do where you can sit down on an office chair and see the entire world? Well, that's a computer you're talking about right there.

That's right there. That's what you're looking at. she gets back to dino times of course and i got to tell you guys this dinosaur is straight out of the flintstones that comes charging at her this thing it's so bad it's a living but here's this is a thing that like also you should have learned your lesson from you know movies like tree of life movies where there's there's no real business for dinosaurs to be in them in other words a movie where your focus is not the dinosaurs yeah so like anything that's not like a Jurassic park movie or a 65 or whatever those movies those movies focus on the dinosaurs scarjo we will see her

this month in one of those dinosaur movies sure but movies that don't have dinosaurs in them predominantly that decide to have the one dinosaur it will time it again look like garbage every time yes well sure yeah yeah i mean but how else are you supposed to know what time it is that's how you know i mean it's it's a dinosaur i mean that's how about here's one chris no they have the the cool aerial like she looks up and there's like a teradactyl or whatever. Sure. And then maybe she just hears a roar or something. And it's like, oh, God.

That might work. Not to be whatever, but like she sees a dinosaur and then she, we're presumably going back further in time. And then she sees Crow-Bagnan man. And then I'm like, wait a second, unless she's going, oh, shit, I went too far. Like, aren't dinosaurs like a lot earlier? Yes. But I think it's, I think what happens is that fucking, you know, Dino, the dinosaur there,

spooks her so much. She's like, ha! and like goes forward a little bit has that thing there touches touches fingers there with the missing link or whatever and then this like 2001 shit happens where I think you're supposed to believe it's going like

back before the creation of the planet back before the big bang all the way back to the fucking the first trickle of piss out of God's cock and we are trickle of piss out of God's cock please pick up our new EP on Bandcamp we're GrindCore

we're very good and it's important because everyone is still giving a shit at the end of this movie while this is going on uh-oh she's only at 99% oh no well here comes 100 and she's going to turn into a USB drive but here comes Mr. Jang from the other movie he's gotten through every other

baddie that like and whatever I think even her boyfriend there has shot the shoulder your classic move and he's about to shoot her in the head and she we get to a hundred the cell phone is finally at a hundred percent, which always takes fucking forever.

And she disappears. Her dress is just like on the chair. She doesn't take the office chair with her either, which I thought she loved. No, yeah. She just like completely vanishes. This is where we part ways old friend. Goodbye office chair.

We literally saw the creation of the universe together. Should have left that back in time, you know. And I'll miss you most of all, Wayfair, office chair archaeologists uncover a wayfar office chair dating back to the start of this dude and that's

that sort of reverse engineers all them ancient aliens history channel shows yes because they found that office chair but no he Mr. Jang she disappears he's about to shoot her what and then he is lit up by the detective which is like it's like okay cool I don't I've never cared about

this character even though by the way the French act I love that the fucking name of the character is Pierre Del Rio. He should have a tropical shirt on. This is not correct. You got the Del Rio name. That would actually be pretty sweet.

She's got this stupid, it looks like something at a Zach Snyder's Justice League, this whatever dark side computer she's got going on. Yeah, it does. And the goopy part gives Morgan, as we talked about multiple times, a goopy flash drive. And then I think the French guy's like,

I guess she has gone forever. and she gets a text and says, I'm everywhere. Yeah, I got right into transcendence the movie. She's become God, I guess, is the idea. And that's the ball game. It is.

Life was given to us a billion years ago. Now you know what to do with it. Do I? No, nobody does. Stop it. No, nobody does. The best decision this movie made was ending it with Damon Albarn's sister Rust.

Great song. No? I've never heard it. Yeah, I'm not familiar with this. Oh, I at least figured Chris Cabin would have come in with the Damon Albarn knowledge. Oh, no, no. The dude from blur.

And it's in great solos. You got to say dude from blur and I'll be like, that's a key right there. Or guerrillas. Dude from gorillas. Yeah, there you go. But yeah, anyway, yes. On his little, this shitty flip phone,

which I don't think would be like connecting to a cell tower in 2014. but yeah he flips it open I am everywhere even the Matrix or something you're in it now it's just whatever man it's a huge one I mean

and it is it's got to be a testament to Luke Besson being such a piece of shit that there isn't a second one of these because you I mean the money justifies it or a bullshit TV show they keep on letting them make movies so I mean that must count for something with the Lucy making money because you would think they would just

stop. Maybe it's still coming, you know. The IMDB trivia says that this script took nine years to write, which is shocking. That makes sense. Yeah, but in that like, not that like, oh man, it's taking so long to crack the story, probably more in like the, yeah, I guess I'll work on that fucking thing. I don't think they, they never cracked the story yet. No, I think it's like Burns is Bobo the Bear. It just, you know, it was, it was left under snow for a while. Went on an ocean voyage for a little bit. Should say, though, at least it was announced a year after the first movie. It is on his IMDB.

He is apparently, yes, writing a sequel to Lucy 2. There we go. For Lucy 2, rather. Well, so what is the USB drive going to grow legs? Oh, yes. I hope so. That's what I'll say. You are supposed to warn school children about snow closures.

Oh, man. That is the end of Luke Besant's Lucy. Go around the horn here for some final thoughts. Mr. Siska. Yeah, no, I understand that a lot of people love this movie, and that's fine. Maybe if I saw it in 2014, I would have looked on it more favorably. But I think the action is kind of weak. I think it's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen.

But then again, I'm dumb. So maybe it's a really smart thing, and I'm just not grass. Because I'm more of a primordial ooze kind of fellow. Yeah. Definitely more oozy, yeah. I just don't get it. Did anyone get it? That's my review.

I don't like it. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a not recommend for me. There you go. Steve Sadek. It's a recommend for me. I think it's stupid. It's, it's one of the stupidest movies that's out there. It's really like, it's one of a kind.

And like if you had to listen to this podcast, which you just did, we spoiled everything. Like just sitting there for the first time and going through wait. Now we're Harris. She's turned it into dust. What's going on? Like, it's one of those things where like, It's a seeing as believing recommend for me. That's where I'm at.

There you go. Chris Kamen. Oh, yeah, a big recommend for me. I mean, I think this movie is at least trying. Like, the setup would suggest I think the movie that we're all like saying in one way or another, this movie should be. Like maybe that makes her like super professional guns and she could do all this super karate stuff. And I'm like, I have those movies. I don't, not only do I have those movies.

I have the B versions, the C versions, the D version. and the e versions of those movies and like I don't need another one and there are I'm probably gonna stumble on to some good ones just because I watch a lot of shit anyway but like I don't need them so at least what I like about this is that it is like make the movie where he she is looking at the roots of trees way the movie where she is not necessarily just like out guns and killing and revenge like I just it doesn't necessarily came with me whereas a movie where like she is sincerely trying to tell her mother goodbye and then she's trying to like

find heart and like she is being told like here's you have everything that the world could ever give you you have this 100% ability to see everything what can you do with that and it's a genuinely hard question and it's like what the internet this question is really like

well you can only tell people to look at it and see it like that's really really all you can do and like it's stupid at the end don't get me wrong it's fucking stupid. The last half, once the airplane scene on, it's so stupid, I can't

even tell you. But like, and in that, I think it is worth seeing because it's a, it's a more interesting stupid movie than normal. It's a much more interesting one, I think. At Grock, is this true?

Well, actually, this, uh, yes, this is, you are talking about the movie Justice League, which is directed by Satt Snyder. yeah you know i've talked a lot of shit here today and i guess it's the slightest of recommends if only and it's not for you the listener because if you haven't watched this and you heard us talk about it it's meaningless about what i'm going to say but i think like if you tell someone else look do you know anything about the scarlet johansson 2014 movie lucy and they say no

yeah then you could say watch this it's 89 minutes and it's going to be some of the dumbest shit that refuses to come together you'll ever see in your life. And that for me was what was going on. I didn't know a thing about this movie. I barely remembered that it existed. And the whole time it's unfolding, I was like, oh, it's getting dumber.

Oh, it's getting done. And every time I thought it was like the dumbest it could get, it got a whole lot dumber every single time. So for that, I guess it's an achievement. Chris, I understand what you're saying about, like, we have all those revenge movies. We totally do.

Of all, letter grades of movie production quality, you are right. And while I appreciate things taking chances and original ideas and whatever, like none of this comes together. It feels completely half big. I mean, this motherfucker should have been, but it should have been spent in nine more years

on this fucking screenplay. If this was what the final outcome was. Put it back in. He's not done yet. But that is going to do it on our episode of Luke Bissan Zulusi, if you'd like more We Hate Movies, including the commercial-free version

of this very episode you listened to just now. It's over on our Patreon, folks. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. We got a really rocking We Love Movies episode Dropping this month Oh baby it's about Jaws Just in time for the 50th anniversary

Oh yeah That's coming out We got we got a really big Well not a really big A fun I would say But a big sized animation damnation Steve Sadek On Fantastic 4 from 1994

On the Moleman episode It's the bowl man Absolutely Yes and on the Gleap glossary We're still riding high from Andor So we're talking about an imperial bureaucrat kind of guy, Admiral P. It's very exciting. Melro 210.0.

We keep on going with this. The fucking 90210 is a dog. But we had a lot of fun talking about it. Melrose place heating up per usual. We're getting to some new levels of Fahrenheit here. And I'm really having a fun time with it. Oh, absolutely. Dude, Billy Campbell turning into a computer.

I mean, it's crazy. It's wonderful. Alston, I'm so smart. I'm like 91% of my brain. or something. I remember your, I remember your milk in my mouth, Alvin. Oh, no, Billy. Of course, just released late last month.

You might still be getting caught up on it, of course. Do not forget our latest sinkable commentary. The John Wick Toom and Terry is out. So if you're looking for, you know, a little more of a traditional revenge killing movie, we're talking all over that bad boy. That was a lot of fun. Also, last month, if you missed it, once in a lifetime appeared, talking killer contract here, Chris Cabin. Oh, yeah. This one, it is, you should watch it before you listen to the

episode. This is one, the better ones we've done. I really do think the, knowing the references will help you on this one. But yeah, we had, we had a blast with this, this sucker. Absolutely. And as always, like we say at the end of every episode, next Tuesdays, there's an all new piping hot edition of We Hate Movies, both commercial free and with commercials. Steve Sadek, the summer blockbuster extravaganza starting to wind down. What are we talking about next week? Beethoven Ah, yes

Hell yeah Long time coming It's not exactly a summer movie But it is a franchise They made a few of them And we got to go back You know to our roots a little bit And kick around something like Beethoven

Takes place in summer For at least portion of it Exactly We got a little bit of summer It's a 1992 family movie That I've seen at least 30 times I just rewatched it today For the first time

And who the hell knows how long And man Yeah, it's going to be a fun week next week on We Hate Movies. So until then, when we're talking all about Beethoven, I've been Andrew Jupin. Steven Seda. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. Take it easy.

Thank you.