We Hate Movies - S15 Ep810: Beethoven (1992)

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

“That image should not be in the movie!” - Chris on the drool shot On this week’s episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza goes to Family Film Country as we chat about the 90’s dog classic, Beethoven! How much of a knock-off Wet Bandits are Stanley Tucci and Olive Platt in this? Does Grodin’s character think he’s gonna take over the world with this air freshener company? Why is a plot point in this children’s film a dog needing to be shot in the head? And did Beethoven inadvertently save this family from total annihilation? PLUS: Steve recalls a tale of elevator-related horror! Beethoven stars Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, Dean Jones, Nicholle Tom, Christopher Castile, Sarah Rose Karr, Olive Platt, Stanely Tucci, David Duchovny, Patricia Heaton, Laurel Cronin, O-Lan Jones, and Chris the Dog as Beethoven; directed by Brian Levant. This episode is brought to you in part by Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney dot com slash whm today. That’s RocketMoney dot com slash whm. RocketMoney dot com slash whm. Tickets are going fast for our three-night residency during the Oxford Comedy Festival! We’ll be doing six shows over three nights from July 18 through 20. Tickets are going fast—our shows on Quantum of Solace and Hellraiser are already SOLD OUT—so don’t wait, snag your tix today! Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program, well, boy, it's our time to shine. A family movie from the early 90s? Holy crap. It's Beethoven. I'm Andrew Jopin. My marriage is falling apart and it has nothing to do with the St. Bernard. My name's Steven Sadek. Chris Kevin!

And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. That's right. Early 90s family comedies. This is where we get disgusting. And it's a bummer that the most disgusting one of us all has fallen ill. Eric Siska, not here, unfortunately. I got bit by his St. Bernard and now he's turning into a big St. Bernard man. It's gross. Eric, get off of my bag. You're muddy. Your muddy. Get off the bed down.

He's shaky. Ew, trailer moment. Oh, yeah. This is Beethoven from 1992 directed by Brian Levant. And man, this guy this guy's golden toilet territory, I feel, just for this filmography. And I'm not saying like they're

bangers, but like box office wise, probably pretty okay. look at this problem child two then this movie the flintstones previous episode jingle all the way previous episode flintstones in vivar rock Vegas which i don't think we covered yet i've never seen that one that one i've never ever seen it no it's i mean you've never been missing john goodman more in your life uh snow dogs with kuba gooding junior oh boy are we there yet oh and then his his last like like he's done some other stuff and it's clearly like direct to streaming But his last big-ish, like theatrical, the spy next door with Jackie Chan,

where he's like babysit in his lady friend's kids or whatever. He's doing the pacifier, essentially. It's Jackie doing the pacifier kind of sad. And then also supposedly, this is why it sucks. Eric isn't here. This guy is supposedly directing that new police academy movie. Ooh, no thank you. It was a no thank you to begin with, but double no thank you if this guy's involved.

Now, do we think, did Cuba Gooding Jr.? invite all the dogs from snow dogs to pitties to ditty's party oh okay do you think they were all because i know they were very close and you know i think he caught cuba i think he had like half the lube costs went to him oh god dude was he was he was like on the list dude he is like on ditty's level like he was he was he was one of the guys who was controlling the other guys do you oh wow oh yeah oh mar gooding was involved or omar gooding stayed out of it i hope he did David Omar a call for the freakouts. I hope he was.

Popularity or no, I hope he stayed away from that shit. That shit sounds noxious. There was a thing the other day, just did he develop in here? This is the court, the court reporting part of We Hate Movies. But there was, there was something where they were talking about the FBI, like, rated a house of his or something like that. And that's where, like, the big mountain of lube collection was found. We're talking like a thousand bottles of lube. And like, you've got to be feeling a swimming pool at that point.

That's literally a state sketch. That's, uh, what's this, Brian and it was the one with Michaelian Black and, uh, well, there's always with Michaelian Black. Michael and Black and Tom Lennon are like the two sexy guys, like a big pool of lube. It was like, they're like sexy dudes. Yes, yes, yes. So maybe he watched that. Maybe he loved the state.

And it was like, I'm going to make that a reality. Wow. I wonder if that's covered in that new state documentary. He was close with those MTV people. I can see it coming. he might have just done that. I hope what he has is like, you know how you go to certain restaurants

and they have like the Coca-Cola cans from all the different like and beer cans way back. He has like lube from 87 that are no longer you can no longer buy them in the United States. This is what the Astroglide logo is like in 1986. I want that just lining his fucking his lube room.

They have those things in cocktail culture where it's like if you can get like you know a bottle of Kampari from the 70s, a bottle of gin from the 70s, a bottle of vermouth with and you can make like a legit 1970s tasting negroni or, you know, that's just the recipe I reeled off but they do that shit and it's like, this is what it's

like to have a fucking disgusting orgy in 1986 with this this realistic from the era, 1986 Loub. I know we have to get to Beethoven, but I'm trying to shoehorn this into an episode and now I finally, Chris gave the opening, so I'm going to do it.

Me and my wife were in Mexico a couple weeks ago and it was a resort hotel kind of a deal and the the bummer was there was only one elevator and it took forever and you kind of had to be on and it would just we're on the ninth floor so it's just like you're on that elevator for a while yeah everyone always has to make conversation in an elevator which I completely disagree with no god damn it especially complaining about the elevator when the elevator is a known factor I hate that like just like we're in it together dude we're just going to get through it and everybody's aware like you're not giving anyone any new information about the elevator no

But, so we're going, it's a big resort thing. A lot of destination weddings are going on there. We were there for her job. And we're on the ninth floor. This whole family gets on. We're packed in now with this family, all dressed in white. Everyone is of Latin American descent except for big fat white dad. And big fat white dad is standing next to me.

And he goes, yeah, they wanted to do an all white thing for the wedding. I feel like I'm going to a ditty party. And I'm like, I'm like, ha. I do like, one of those. Like, that's it. I get it. And now, that's on the eighth, the ninth floor. We have to go all the way down. And when I tell you when everyone,

because everyone's, this is the only elevator in town. You've got to get on it. You've got to cram in. Everyone is cramming into this elevator. Every time a new person enters, he has to go to that person and do that joke again. Oh, I feel like I'm going to a ditty party. I feel like waiting for the big applause.

And I mean, like, now everyone's heard it four to five times. I feel like this guy went to that party and he was telling it. I don't even know how many times he told it to his wife. Oh, yeah. No, she heard it 60 times that night. The whole fucking party heard it. Yeah. Honey, I'm getting the feedback here. I need to skip lunch. I need to work on these jokes. If we're going to be doing this wedding tonight,

I can't, I'm getting nothing out there. It's a dead zone. The ditties, the ditty party, I thought it was going to kill. It's like, it's only middling at best. Honey, I totally tanked it at the rehearsal dinner. I'm going to have to go back work all through the night. to retool this ditty party material. I didn't want to do it.

It's so stupid. I don't want to do it, but I have to go to the Trump stuff. I'm sorry. I've enforced. I've enforced. My hand's force. Alternately, like,

this is Amanda's big day. I need you to stop talking about rape parties. I really do. I really, this is, she's, we've spent thousands of dollars on this. Everyone's here,

great. It might be grandma's last wedding. You need to stop talking about rape parties. You need to. Okay. Now, I'm just so, so over the moon that we could have everybody fly down here to,

to Mexico and celebrate our beautiful daughter, Amanda. Oh, no. And I just wanted to take a moment. If you look out here across some beautiful family of ours, everybody dressed up in Huat here at Amanda's insistence. And I said, Amanda, my beautiful baby daughter who's getting married down here in Mexico, was a little bit like a ditty party in there. Oh, no.

Woo! Yeah. Get off the stage, Dad. You had the plane right there. You could have gone for the Epstein joke, Dad. I could have done it. You could have done it. Okay, so.

Beethoven. Beethoven. The title card, I love the old universal. That might be like, if I'm being, when I become euthanized, I might want the, the, the music of the, the, not the new one, the old, the 90s one. Yeah, that's sort of like, da, da, da, da, yes. Yes. When I'm in the, when I'm in the Edward G. Robinson booth in, uh, in, uh, whatever the movie is there, uh, soil and green. Soil and green.

Yes. Yeah. That's the music I want to hear when they put me down. Oh, totally, dude. It's way better than because I feel like they tried to like John Williamsify it. Yes.

And it was just sweeter the way it was. And this is like, it lulls you right into that. We're about to have, you know, a nice time at the movies. Everybody settle in. And then, you know, Babapapha, but, baby, Beethoven. Also, just really quickly, this movie written, at least co-written, I believe,

by Amy Holden Jones, who you will recall as the writer of previous episode Indecent Proposal and indeed the writer-director of the totally awesome slumber party massacre. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. Yep. And then she wrote Beethoven. Dude, you got to make what. Well, also, so did John Hughes. Sure did. Under the name. Under Edmond Dantes, by the way, that's... Yeah. He didn't... When John Hughes, who's, I mean, done great stuff, but also done a lot of dog shit, won't even put his name on it you're in huge trouble

that's not good yeah yeah it's weird I mean I don't know why honestly I mean this made decent money it's not like I feel like there's a worse script that John Hughes is credited on the miss

probably I haven't done the research on that one but Amy I mean like it does track though because there are scenes in this in which I was more horrified than I have been in anything on slumber part massacre much more uncomfortable but also in decent proposal

marriage problems in that one marriage problems abound in this one just like everywhere you want to look this is this by the way he wrote baby's day out uh and that there you go there it is this yep there it is flubber he wrote 101 dalmatians i guess is better than this i forget flubber and i this is very much on baby's day out level that's about where we're talking because it's all just chasing home alone right obviously yeah yeah yeah but so yeah i think that i mean i mean I mean, Charles Groton and Bonnie Hunt, a nice, there's a 30-year age gap, which is whatever, but it's like, it kind of needs to be mentioned at some point in the movie, and then it doesn't. Here's why they get, here's why they get away with it, though, is the combination of Charles Grotin insisting on embarrassingly dying his hair, this chestnut brown. But then also, I love her.

She's entertained me in a lot of stuff over the years, but Bonnie Hunt has always had old lady vibes. Yes, not like she, not that she looks like. old lady. No, no, no, I don't even. Her vibe is like the way she carries herself, statelyer lady. So, like, I feel like that by those two things, you sort of bring them a little closer. It's movie magic, Steve. She was 29 in this

movie, which is insane. That's insane. That's insane. I've never thought that. People just didn't drink water. I'm sorry, like that. She doesn't look 29 in this movie. Like, yes. She doesn't look like an old lady, but she also does not look like she's not 30 years old. And even Charles Gordon, for being

in his late 50s looks pretty great. Chester's here, I know. He's been taking care of himself, but they're not the duo that I think, I mean, the first duo we get here is, of course, Tucci and Platt. The famous comedic duo, doing LISPs from around the world,

I believe, was their first show. I don't know what Oliver Platt's doing. It's stupid. Well, because Oliver Platt, I think, has a Lisp himself, like, even in his day-to-day, kind of like me, he's got a bit of a slurpiness to him. Sure. But I think he's obviously doing this for

comedic effect. Oh, this is amped up. Stanley Tucci's screaming like he's playing the fucking female lead and Temple of Doom. Yeah, it's just screaming. It's actually, you know,

speaking of chasing fucking home alone, I mean, he's doing Daniel Stern screaming. Like, Daniel Stern with the tarantial on his face, like it's that kind of screaming. It's bargain been Harry and Marv. You know, like for sure. And actually, I will say that this movie, because this movie is messy

and even those 87 minutes, this which we'll get into a lot the subplot is so dark oh my god crazy so dark uh that and the main plot is so light and like honestly like the main plot is probably what the movie should be

it should be like David DeCovey should be the snooty villain and it's like is dad going to get this big business deal yada yada Beethoven ruins it Beethoven gets a you know said to the pound dad has a change of heart that's a fun movie yeah because these two things are alternating

you need actually more of this fun duo then I mean you barely get it's two like two or three big scenes the then set up where you get hair varnick fucking saying like I need puppy dude it is like snorella Deville with this guy I think he's great

but he's awesome yeah this is Dean Jones who was like the dude from the love bug he's in clear and present danger like the guy worked for decades. It's awesome kind of just seeing him towards the twilight

of his career doing this villainous role. He's got these glasses. He looks like Tyrell from Blade Runner a little bit. I can see that. Yeah. I just imagine

Beethoven giving him a big kiss before he breaks his neck. Oh my God. You're my master. So yes, I need puppies as the decree to Oliver Platt and Stanley T.C.

As they work at Dandy Up, supply, which is the hide-up. So then we cut to a pet store and we got this cute montage of a little St. Bernard puppy, you know, be fawned over by everyone. And like, man, I know I'm such a fucking baby, but like, watch anytime there's a movie like this where it's like a pet store thing and the dog is watching other dogs get adopted ahead of him, oh, that's tough. Oh, it's tough. Well, okay. But you get your payoff here because the one lady who's going to turn him mean gets pissed on.

She gets pissed all over herself as if a newborn baby was being held up, you know? It's the same joke. It is a real stream of piss, man. I have to say, this lady is getting covered. This is the great Olan Jones of X-Files fame

and other things. I believe she's also the what do you call it there? The waitress in the diner when Jerry writes the bad autograph and then he wants I like it. Oh, sure. Shit, that's her. Who was she on the X-Files?

She, I forget. She was like a one-and-done in the X-Files, but it was a very memorable episode. I forget what it was. I'll pull it up. Did you catch who the pet shop owner is, though, speaking of Seinfeld? Malora Walters. Yes, Jane, the topless Sunbathe, they're in the Hamptons. Among other things, but that's her Seinfeld connection. She was, she's in sanguinarium. Oh, that's a good episode.

As a nurse, which, yeah, possessed. She's got a great X-File. face and a great X-Files demeanor. She does. I also, the pissing apparatus that they must use for this dog, which they use twice, I just imagine like ILM working on, you know what I mean, whatever you saw like George Lucas

taking you the ILM workshop and like how they're making the, oh, we're going to make that the pee, the pee tube actually, the dog doesn't have to be in the shot actually with the way we have it. I got to tell you, though, for this little like puppy that like they're holding up, you know, Like, I feel like ILM got the, the tube gauge a little too big. I mean, like, this is like a fucking piss stream from a full-sized dog. May I say, maybe a small horse.

No, it's not a puppy piss stream. No, yeah, the piss was actually a big thing with Brian and me. We actually, I didn't get to, I couldn't work with him afterwards. But I was telling him, the piping is way too thick. You can't be using piping like this for a dog. It doesn't make any sense. And Brian was like, we got to get this shot done today. this dog's got to piss on this woman

by 3 p.m. today and we just disagreed on this so yeah I couldn't stay with them for snow dogs Oh man So Tucci and Platt break into this very store that night Stealing all sorts of puppies and whatever This is during Stanley Tucci's goofy phase He's in previous episode from a million years ago

Undercover Blues Oh right same haircut Same accent even yeah like just doing really goofy shit because I mean he's a comedic actor but obviously it's better off when he like would they allow it to be

like yes he's bald but he can be sexy you know what I mean like yeah exactly I mean well this is you got like the whips you know is before he gave up on that

yeah I just hold it on for dear life but yeah we get the cigarette with the there's a laser in this pet shore that's kind of surprising to me I've stepped in the beam yeah I always remember

Oliver Platt saying that that's a question is this a big favorite of your favorite but something you watched a ton as growing up i did not oh this was on in healthy rotation this and part two well because that's the thing is you have younger siblings and i don't you know what i mean so that yeah i'm sure your younger siblings like i watched betto and i enjoyed it but it wasn't like something that i watched a ton because we didn't have younger kids in the house i mean i was only eight when this movie came out this is 1992 you know for sure i mean you were

you were watching all your big hard horror movies then still i was not All my cousins loved this, so I ended up watching this a lot. And I mean, I just, I liked dogs since I was very, I was like, oh, dog movie. Let's watch a dog movie. I, I will say, just like, for whatever reason, this also happened with, was it another stakeout? Was the name of that sequel? Absolutely. We watched Beethoven's second, Beethoven's second, another stakeout, weekend at Bernice 2, and Ghostbusters 2 on tape, way more than we did the original.

which we're also in rotation, but not as much. Another stakeouts are totally different. That's actually something we had on, that was part of our Columbia House scam that we never truly paid back either was another stakeout. So we watched that a ton with the Rosie O'Donnell. And I think what you're getting at

is a little bit of, the sequels are a little bit more sanded down for kid watching. You know what I mean? Like the plot, everybody knows each other. There's no exposition. It's just whatever the thing is more. Add family.

Add the seasoning. The family's put it all over that fucker and that's the next one. Oddly both another stakeout and Beethoven's second I believe take place on like vacation lake

situations. Yes. I've actually never seen Beethoven 2nd. Oh, Beethoven 2nd. Oh, Beethoven 2nd is where he prevents a possible sexual assault from happen. By destroying a house. Yeah, he pulls the deck down. He destroys a whole, like the thing that Charles Groden thinks is happening

to him and his house in this movie, it actually happens to someone else and a house in a notice. He actually does the thing he thinks is happening here. Charles Broden, I hope he had renters insurance for that vacation house. So there are this

they've got this whole cart or I should say van. A high tension delivery truck. Yes. It's the same delivery truck from high tension. I was like, is Oliver Plack and I have Stanley Tucci's head in his hands making him the fucking decapitated skulls suck him off? Better ending.

Better ending, I'll say that. Wow, that Beethoven took a weird turn. Not that hard. Considering what happens in this movie, not that hard a turn. No. Fair. But we also, it's a fugitive opening kind of thing. You know, the two of them get, break out due to like some shenanigans.

And now it's Beethoven and this really adorable Jack Russell guy. Oh, it's this little wishbone dog. It's awesome. Who like, you feel like if this movie was, um, dogs talking. Sure. These two would be best to friends. And Wishbone would be a bigger character in the movie if they were talking. Well, apparently the only time that that

happens in the Beethoven franchise, which has like seven or eight entries, is Beethoven's Christmas adventure where Tom Arnold gets roped in doing the Beethoven voice. I gotta tell you, as soon as I saw that part of the description where it's like in Tom Arnold voices Beethoven, my first thought was the

four of us do a first look commentary for the holidays. I like that idea. Because it's Tom Arnold. Arnold's voicing a dog, folks. But that's underselling the grandeur of Beethoven. He should not have, you got to get a Robert Redford in for this guy. You got to get like a Homeward Bound kind of casting. You can't be doing

this shit. I'm sorry. And like, well, I don't know there, Charles Gruden. I don't think you should try to invest with these venture capitalists. It's me, Beethoven, voiced by Robert Redford. He says, Harry, you know, he calms you down. And the reason that you don't have

those voices in that scene, because there is a very touching scene where Beethoven, when he's full grown, gets a pastry and brings it over to his friend. And it is like old men meeting at a Dunkin' Donuts. It does have that feel to it. And if you had done that, the problem is if you do that, then the conversation like with the old men

has to be exactly five and a half hours long. And that's the rest of your movie then. You can't be doing that. Well, I like that Beethoven never forgets where he comes from. You know what I mean? Like, hey, man, there are other dogs on the street. It's important. Beethoven does not believe in I got mine.

You know what I mean? he wants to distribute to the lesser less fortunate. He's a very he's a very savvy dog when he gets he gets taken him and Sparky get taken and because a guest Stanley Truchy does not know how to drive

they crash and the they both escape the murder van and Sparky goes off in his own he's going to go out into the wilds Beethoven finds a garbage can to sleep in over night dude it's so adorable and like tragically sad at the same time.

Yes, it's a sad look. And then Beethoven, of course, dyes his hair and lives in the Polish widow for a little bit and her possibly drunk-dealing son. Beethoven just making his way through the St. Patrick's Day parade. He puts a hat on.

He's just cutting up an ID on his thing. He's got the photo rigged for him. Rew switched to samples. Prophersic. Dude, he Charles Groden from minute one. He's lucky enough that he is essentially right next

door to him when he gets let off. And he sees Charles Groden come out and get thrown in newspaper all over his his lawn like a sucker. And like immediately he knows this is my guy. This guy is going to eat shit

for me no matter what. Because this guy will eat shit from a kid who just threw the fucking newspaper at him. I got to say I am deficient. in good Charles Grodden. I've only watched dog shit 90s Charles Grodden. You've got to watch the Heartbreak Kid tomorrow. I need

to. I really do. It's the best move. I've seen real life and he's great in that. Really, really good. Albert Brooks had, but I've not seen a bunch of the good Charles Groddenham. Have you not seen him and De Niro and Midnight Run? I have. I like Midnight Run. I don't love it. Oh, okay. I think that's

I rewatch that maybe like a year or so ago. Good movie. It's a very good movie, I will say. I like that movie. But it's not like the Heartbreak Kid is one of the greatest comedies ever, I would say. Now I'm curious what his top four are here. Because I grew up with a previous episode, Taking Care of Business, which I watched fucking a shit ton. Oh, that's amazing.

So that's like, he is the guy from taking care of business for me. You know, which is so stupid. You know what he's in that's actually, I think it's a better movie than it gets credit for. I think it's like in a way kind of forgotten because why would you remember it? But that 1976 King Kong, he's like the shitty villain in it, and he's like an oil company guy. Okay. It's kind of, it's Charles Groton doing exactly what you want Charles Groton to do in a movie. So like that part of it's good.

And then I have to say, honestly, like, it's a Jessica What's Her Face, Jessica Lang and Jeff Bridges. It's a pretty solid movie, man. They fucking hide out at Harry's bar downtown, which is cool. Kong's jumping on the towers like and that's I guess why it's kind of forgotten but there is some good villainous Grotin buried in that movie. I remember having fun with that one. Unfortunately

the last time I remember really loving it was was in Louis. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He was good in the little bit that he's in and the bomb back movie while we're young. He's not better. He's a father-in-law on that movie. He has that older, older version of him that kind of popped up

towards the end there. Yeah, you all of a sudden it was like Wait, Charles Groton's acting again? What's going on? It was very cool. I mean, and again, he's a great actor. This is no shade. I am saying I'm deficient in his great stuff, which I know is true. But this is the Charles Groton and I know. And this dude has got, we say it often, family annihilated are written all over him.

This marriage is holding on by a thread, if that. If not for Beethoven, they'd be gone. They'd all be gone. He is the one that is saving them. That's the underlying theme of this, that he really does stop a mass murder here. Beethoven's a total hero there

for sure. You wonder though, you know, you feel the end will be the family annihilation and you wonder whether or not the family would be capable of de-brainwashing themselves deprograming themselves before the annihilation because like

when you hear the way Bonnie Hunt is like talking at the beginning of this movie, like it is 7 o'clock in the morning when Gordon gets that paper. On Saturday. Saturday. He gets in he's screaming at seven o'clock everybody get up and the kids are like begging Bonnie Hunt like do we have to get up at Saturday what's going on and she's like

well that's what your father wants and what your father says goes and I was like lady you got to snap out of it you got take a cold shower or something I think she says daddy's rules in quotation oh god yeah you're right I wrote it down daddy's rules I would like to get a written copy of what daddy's

rules are because I get a feeling they're not all very good and I got there's one thing if you're getting up at 7 a.m. And the idea is, like, we're going to do a family walk or we're going to go away. We're going to do charity work somewhere together as a family. It's just getting up. It's just getting up at 7 a.m.

It's not even like Piper's got fucking soccer and Harry's got fucking karate or any shit like that. No, it's just getting up for the sake of being awake. I get up at 7 a.m. to listen to me a bitch, nonstop about my business and how like I'm doing too well. it drives you insane dude yeah like you just want to fucking strangle this guy and it's kind of crazy because like yes it is that whole thing right of like I'm up

so everybody else has to be up and like that's what it is but what's crazy so you get the sense of like oh he's like a strict father in that way I feel like the guy who's screaming and moaning about like you got to get up because it's 7 o'clock on a Saturday would not tolerate this like

10 to 12 year old boy sleeping on the floor in the parents' room because you had a nightmare. I don't think so, you nerdy fuck. You're getting put back to bed. Those, I mean, those scenes have, I mean, because we have hair,

Varkin or Varnik, whatever his name is, at the end of this, like, I think you probably cut out the scenes where, like, he's in a dark room and the boy comes in and he's like, sit down, tell me how you're a man. And like, because it is. Whatever is happening with them

is clearly not being talked about. It's mostly the girls. Most of the girls in Bonnie Hunt. The boy is kind of dealing with his own shit with the bullies. He sees danger everywhere, so I assume whatever's going on with Brodin and is bad. There's a lot of arm grabbing, guaranteed. Yes. This is step-by-step's Christopher Castile, or Castile, I would say Castile, I would guess.

Yeah. The nerdy kid from step-by-step and Mark. Mark, yeah. He had a moment there. There was some commercials with him and Erkel back-to-back being like nerds, right? Oh, man, were there really for what, like cereal or fruit snacks or something? No, no, I think that there was a commercial. cross over at one point. It's like, Mark

meets Urkel or whatever. Oh, guaranteed. Because they were both TGIF. Absolutely. I watch so much of both of those shows. But yeah, he's sleeping and he's like, Mom, do we have to drink up? What's daddy's rules? That's what you got to do. Got to make breakfast. It's seven fucking in the morning.

Bone show. You know, you eat daddy's rules or else you have to go sit in the room. I guess, you know what? Maybe we should maybe we can start marinating the chicken for tonight. Yeah, you better. Seven and a minute. Get something done Get going

I don't care what you do As long as you're awake Come on now And he misses Beethoven Just sailing Into this house Without letting And of course

Because Beethoven's a genius Beethoven's like Where do we go We go for the baby Go straight for the baby And what's her name She was in every movie At this time

She was in kindergarten cop very specifically That's what I remember the most I feel like I saw her everywhere This was Sarah Rose car playing Emily the youngest daughter her top four oh she you know what she is also Chris you might remember

when they do flashbacks in that first Steve Martin father of the bride she's the little version of the daughter that's it and it looks like she hasn't acted since 1995 and then the oldest sister is Nicole Tom

previous episode 902 and oh she's she's a excuse Scandaled 90280s she's also in that Brian Austin Green mother movie movie. Pregnance.

Unwad father, maybe, or son's not? Something father. Yeah, where he's like, I bought a houseboat and the baby could live at it with us. Or whatever. Yes, that was a once a lifetime thing. And of course, Nicole Tom also from the nanny. She was the oldest. I don't know if we said that.

Maybe we did. Oh, no, she works still. You know, she's still going. I get it. I'm actually kind of surprised. Like, let me look at the most recent thing here. Like, sort of looking at To Be original. Like, she's got lifetime written.

all over. Oh, yeah, for sure. And it actually doesn't look like she's gone that route. Yeah, good for her. Good for her. Because once you get, once you, this is the problem. I was talking about this yesterday. We watched a lifetime movie. They were talking about David Boreannis that he's never gone the lifetime route. Because the problem is once you take one, you're kind of branded. Like, you can't come out of it.

Did David Boreannis famously do a lifetime movie? No, he didn't. I was just thinking about his career. Well, because he, you know, well, he, there's when you're that kind of an actor where it's like, you've got a, like, a TV thing that gave you like some success. Yeah. And you don't make the jump to movies. The two paths that you can go are either like lifetime movie stuff or, which David Boreannis did, the CBS was still doing linear television.

He was on that FBI show, I think, and one of the, or, um, Ed Bones, which ran for 40s and Bones forever. Bones has more episodes at Saturday Night Live. I swear to God. Yeah, but yeah, he was locked into some military show or something like that for a while. Oh, wasn't he his seal team? He was the seal team. he was so yeah that was it they gave him because he's a beefy dude he could do whatever he wants it is one of those things like once you start doing a lifetime situation you're just there

you're branded yeah better to do the TV much better to do the TV but the baby finds the dog and here comes and the funny thing is everyone's like oh dad you've warmed up the wife the wife even says you know what George everything I've ever said

about you being cold and insensitive I take back and I'm like holy shit they all It's not even 7.30. It's not even 7.30. And we're throwing bombs like that. That's when you realize it's not an open secret how much the family dynamic is as such where everybody just is known to hate Charles Grotin. Everybody in this family despises and fears him. Because the suggestion is out of nowhere he did something we all wanted him to do. Yes. Like for once he did the one thing like because you know it's been echoed throughout the house.

Like, we would like to have a pet, you know, a cat. Maybe in a fucking aquarium, that would be nice enough. But a full-on dog, that means that maybe, maybe we're not going to die this Christmas. Maybe that's a... Maybe we live through Christmas. But he's like, oh, no, we can't have a... We're not dog people. We're people, people, goldfish people, ant farm people.

We're not dog people. The voice, the voice that he turns on when he has to talk about adopting a dog, which is not the end of the world by any stretch, especially when you have a two-story house. It's nice. You do, this is not the end of the world. And he's like, we can't have a dog. We can't have a dog. We can't have children anymore.

They all have to die. They have to, we have to be drowned. We have to drown them all. He pulls the classic parent thing of, I'm going to be stuck taking care of it. You know, that whole thing. Yeah. Which is like partially true, man. Sure.

Like, you know, everybody can split up the work. It would also be your dog as well. as the children's dog. Oh no. I'm going to have to kill the dog with a shovel in front of the kids. It's the only way out. This is how, this is, I'm just trying to teach you, okay? This is important.

Look, Mark, it's just one brick in a fucking pillowcase and then you don't have to worry about it anymore. And we talked about this before, you're burying it. You're going to, I'm doing the dirty work here and you're going to have to bury. This is what happens,

Rice, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass. Do you want Mark to come over now, huh? Do you want him to meet Beethoven? Hey, man, that's my fucking dog, man. I just got that dog. I'll kill your fucking dog. When he says, by the way, that we're not dog people, one of the girls, I think it's Nicole Tom, just goes,

I knew it. And I'm like, they hate you so much. Because he even says, like, later in the movie, he does, I mean, and rightfully so has to put the dog down for the reasons he thinks it is. He's like, they're going to hate me. I'm like, they've hated you for years, dude. You have made that.

That's a you problem. I mean, his whole thing is, the house will be destroyed. No, it will not be. It will have some hair on it. And yes, a scratched up door. Whoops a doodle. You might lose a chair or two depending on, you know, what's going on. or if he's a nibbler but also like

and it clearly the family doesn't know this you know there's not a single scene of it really but like there's no training this dog no you know what I mean it's just like the dog's gonna be our friend like which is true but like you gotta show that dog like what it can and cannot do and there's no effort by

this family whatsoever to make that up I'm surprised there's not more like the dog shit in my house again like because this dog would be going everywhere man the weird thing about this because like basically the next sequences naming the dog which is fun but dick we

we have the whole movie and montage like the movie you want to watch is the montage and then we go back to this insane plot like well because the the movie it's doing a very weird gambit here what it's doing is the headline of the movie is big dog

does stuff yes that is the idea behind the movie but the thing is is we want the big dog to be doing puppy stuff so we have to get him while he's a puppy so that he's doing the puppy stuff, but we have to have him big immediately.

So, like, you get the roll over Beethoven montage, and suddenly he's grown up Beethoven, and seemingly no time has passed whatsoever. Yes. Speaking of, we should say, Brian Levitt directed this movie, but it was

actually directed by Steve Rash, but he left a production due to creative, he was replaced. Steve Rash, I think, what did he do? Did he want more? visits to the industrial furnace that they're going to at the end of this? Son-in-law he directed the

great son-in-law. Oh, sure. All right. And some bring-it-on sequels, the Buddy Holly story. It's so funny hearing like, oh, someone's left over creative differences in a movie like Beethoven. Like, what was the hill that this dude was dying?

Maybe he wanted to see more dogs' head explodes. We need to set the threat of what is, actually at stake here. So let's watch a great date and get put down. That's the thing. You say that and I'm like,

if I was directing a Beethoven movie and this is about a family who adopts a dog and he's like, all right, so this is the scene where the vet is going to talk to the guy who wants to blow the head off the dog for extra money. You got to listen to this.

This is a big part of the movie. He has to, he's going to get paid extra money to blow the head of a big dog off. And that's going to be the climax of the movie. He's trying to do that for a last minute thing. And I'd be like, why? What?

Just over here, the director here, why are we doing this? Why isn't it just like, oh, hey, a fake fucking arm thing and then, like, he's going to get put down? Simple enough, horrifying enough as is. Or even, like, there's the moment in the montage, because there's a Thanksgiving scene. And, uh-oh, Beethoven's got the turkey. That could be the end of the movie. You know what I mean? Like, it's the big Thanksgiving.

Yep, it seems like everything is calmed down. We're just going to have a nice family Thanksgiving. Beethoven Credits and we're had a great No so like They're trying to name him MC Hammer

Or what's the other one It's Dick is Yeah dick Because the little girl's like Oh he has one Isn't that what you call Uncle Richard I really would love to know What was on the Charles Groton piece of paper

Because I have all kinds of ideas There's just like Oh yeah We can't call him cock sucker What is that? Mark was that you you asked for my opinion I mean

like is it like a family ender was that on the thing and he's just like you asked for my real opinion this is the end yeah it's I wish they told you but but yes we're picking the names

out of the bowl none of them are successful what are we going to call this dog and the little girl gets on the piano there and she starts doing bum bum bum Beethoven starts singing along

and there and Charles Grodden for whatever reason is like, I don't, maybe he's more of a Mozart guy or something, but he's like fucking Beethoven. God damn that name. He's so pissed. I just hear it everywhere. God, can I go and some Bach? Can I get some Bach here? Yeah. Uh, in that montage also the roll over Beethoven, which is a cover by Paul Schaefer of the world's most dangerous band by the way. I don't know if we saw that. Yep. Absolutely. It sucks. It ain't great. But what is great is Beethoven pissing in Charles a grown suit case.

Yeah. Take that you air freshener fuck. And apparently there were, like it wasn't just all just dogs. There's a bunch of, there's like 13 different doubles or whatever. That's a normal thing with dogs. Sure. But there was a mechanical dog and a dude in a suit. That's, well, that's for the bedroom scene.

For sure. Yes. That's, I think, the suit. The suit is definitely in the bedroom scene. Yes. And anytime you have those close-ups, I love the close-ups on Beethoven when it needs a comical, like, expression. And it's just that robot fucking head. The eyes going

it is insane. It looks like something you'd see at like a rundown chucky cheese. Like, holy shit. They should retire that robot singing in the cowboy hat right there. You go Megan 3 and she has to fight mechanical Beethoven. That's something. I'm sure the Megan fucking franchise is going to cross over with them there. What was that Wally's World? Chili Willys, whatever the fuck. It looked, I didn't see the first Megan, but the the trailer to Megan 2.0

looks like that franchise stumbled down four steps. I'm like, wow, we're already here. Because you know what it is, dude? It's made in a way where they're acknowledging all of the extra, like, non-film-related hype of that movie. That's why it's like, the bitch is

back queen and all that shit. Because that's not in Megan, but that was like the Megan fan response. Like, oh, work bitch and now work bitch is Megan 2.0. Did everybody hear the story about what they were going to try to do with certain

showings of Megan 2 with the bots? No, what? You're supposed to, there was a, I forget what they are, I think it was New York Times, and it was talking about AI stuff and how it's starting to infiltrate the PR with movies. Yes, yes. You were supposed to, during the movie,

you were able to speak to like an official Megan 2.0 bot that will talk shit about the movie with you while you're watching the movie and that certain like screenings we're going to allow this and I'm like if you're going to do that just allow them to text

if you're going to do it that way don't shove your bullshit in here please I know that's your job but conversely if you're going to allow to do that maybe we'll never make another movie again maybe that's the idea maybe that's the idea maybe we have to stop making movies entirely maybe the whole fucking idea and art form needs to

die if that's where we're going Whatever marketing person came up with that needs to be fucking set out to see as defend for themselves. Maybe some ballistics tests. I don't know. So, you know, the montage sort of ends with the Grotin coming home.

The house is like completely destroyed. This is the famous. He's some, for whatever reason, soaked, covered in mud and laying on the bed. And he shakes off and just Charles Grotin getting douched, which includes the final shot of it is there's a family,

like a framed photograph that just gets fucking cumb slung on it. This drool effect. That image should not be in the movie. That is like, that is so fucking gross. Like, I'm sorry. Unless it's John Waters,

you can't have that shit. Dude, even John Waters was in the theater opening weekend watching Beethoven going, oh, I think that's a bit much. Oh, that's nasty. He, like, he acts as if this mud splatter

thing, like, as if a fucking tree went on his roof and split the house and do. And he's just like, no, it's just a little dirty. Who cares? And he's like, it's your classic dog, movies, he's talking, oh, don't do it. No, Beethoven. Don't no, Beethoven. Don't know

Beethoven. No, Beacobin. You, yes, and you. It's, it's funny. I mean, so now we're getting... It's funny, but just the co-stling at the end is awful. So it's the next, it's like a new day and Charles Gruden is talking about

No one's listening to him Everybody hates him Everybody's family hates him Why would you? Bonnie Hunt is too busy Serving her entire family Undercooked bacon by the wall Dude this bacon looks terrible

Thank you He's His family's ignoring him after years of emotional And possibly physical abuse We'll find out And He's just like I got the big investors

Coming in today If I don't get this deal I'm gonna kill myself He says kill himself He's done on suicide at the breakfast table It's insane It is absolutely insane. You can't be saying this in front of your fucking family.

I want Bonnie Hunt to like take Rice into the other room. Himself. He said himself. Not us. Yeah. Great job, Beethoven. Now just make him more frustrated. All right.

We're so close. We can be new in auto fresheners. We can do that. It's just air fresheners for cars. How hard could it be? I'm not, I don't want 25,000. I need more. $150,000 is what he's looking for.

Fourth, air fresheners. His air freshener business. Jesus Christ, $150,000 in the 90s. Are you absolutely insane? That's a lot of money. This is not a fucking tech company. It's fucking air fresheners, dude. What's going to happen?

Where else are you going to put them? What is your plan? You know what it is? It's the Charles Barkley endorsement. I think that's what you're chasing. And Sir Charles needed like 75. grand that the commercials expensive you know that's how that works I need to buy

I need to have an apartment in Phoenix that's just how this is going to have to go I just got to be living there half the time to steal this thing everybody knows that Phoenix is the air freshener capital of the United States Bonnie Hunt we gotta go there but yeah so that's going on and like this is like a day it's a totally fine part

of the movie the day in the life of Beethoven kind of a thing he steals the very bad awful I mean, like, this is like gray bacon, we're talking here. It's so bad, dude. It's disgusting. And, of course, he's like, you took my bacon, Beethoven. Like, I know, dude, it's fine. He took one slice.

There's still two there. Let me tell you, Charles Gordon, you don't need any more bacon. No. Okay. And what is the benefit if the bacon's gone? The bacon has been eaten by Beethoven. Why do you then have to grab his mouth and get the slobber that you are complaining about a minute later all over your, self because he's hooked on the spiz dude

that's exactly what it is he's you know what this guy he does it to himself every fucking time all this shit is his own fucking fault yes my family always had bad dogs and it was always our fault like we knew that you know we didn't train them they were awful uh but they were fun you know that was the thing is oh this is crazy but they were

really really bad dogs that's how that's how that works these things happen i mean it is Beethoven's day out is one of the better parts of this I do like him going to the fireman and be like boy leave some for the fish buddy and then the pastries with old sparky, that's nice. And then the rice stuff is a little weird. It's very weird.

The shirts and skins I didn't need. Okay. It's not the shirts and skins. That is not the element that really needs to be talked about. They put, I don't know if they made them like play for an hour beforehand. These are the sweatiest boys I have ever seen in my life. They are sweaty as shit. It's a wet, slippery movie, dude.

It is. Maybe this is why Steve Rash should know It's gotta be in the movie They're gonna take their shirts off Right? You see what we're trying to do here Is we're trying to express I mean You know it's the age of feminism isn't it So what we want is we want racist sexuality

Front and center for the dog movie I don't even mind Expressing preteen sexuality insofar as I've got a crush on a cute boy That's the cute boy with the good smile Nope. That's totally fine. Like maybe he's got a fucking letterman jacket on. No, Steve, he's got to be dripping.

And she's just like, oh my God, I'm experiencing so many feelings, which I do know happens. But I don't need to know about it in my Beethoven movie. Does Beethoven know about it? When we were in school, they didn't do shirts versus skins because in reality, you are aware of the existence of fat kids. And instead, you had, it was like one team. was just whatever you wore to gym. And the other team, there was like little mesh vests that you put on over your t-shirt.

And that was, that was the other team. So it was like vests and not vests. And nobody had to take their fat kid tinnies out. Like, you know. And also, I was terrified. Dude, movies like this terrified me as a kid, right? They did, yes. Like, oh, fuck, when I get older,

are they going to make me take my shirt off in gym class? Now, Andrew, I know you did actual organized sports, so you must have showered. But did any, did you ever shower for gym class? I never did. It was never something that we had to do and never something I ever did. No, and as a matter of fact, after, I played football in high school and after football practice, we would shower at home.

Like, you got picked up, you got shower at home. Like, the locker room had showers and I think maybe like a couple of times, maybe someone used them, but they were more often than not just like the place where you kept more equipment containers because they weren't being used. There's like a storage facility. Yeah, similar for us. We would never play, we'd never do show in gym or whatever anything like that. I never had to do it for gym, but.

I was, I swam a lot when I was a kid and I was also, for a little bit I was a scuba diver. It was licensed and everything. So after those, I got used to this because at like gyms that we would use, I would use the shower in there. But I never had to do it with my,

you're, no way, a guy I have to see in five minutes at trig, no way. Exactly. No way. A guy that's already making fun of me for stuff, no thanks. No, thank you. No, thank you. Precisely. Also, real quick in the montage, because it happens a lot in this movie and you got to call it out with movie dog stuff. I feel like kids can learn bad lessons from it.

There is the shot of him. He's walking down the street and he does. He shares like the croissant with wishbone and that's nice. But there's also him sharing an ice cream cone with a little girl. And there's chocolate all over this fucking thing. And like she's like one for me, one for you, Beethoven. And I'm like, you're telling kids it's okay to like give chocolatey things or things that are known to be covered in chocolate at time to a dog. And that's a bad move.

It's a bad move because at the level. they're giving him. Beethoven's big enough. This probably isn't going to do any damage. But if you were to give more, it definitely would. Like because he has this ice cream and then later he's eating a whole fucking chocolate chip cookie right off the fucking powder. He certainly is eating a huge

chocolate chip. You bet your ass I wrote that down. If that was a smores cookie, we'd be fucked. Christmas, I want to say 2006. We had a bad dog, a puggle. A puggle is kind of a... Oh, yeah. The puggle was great. That guy was, yeah. She was amazing.

she was like literally would chew through anything like because the problem with the puggle is they're fat they want to be fat and they have the stubbornness of a beagle and they're smart like beagle so that this thing was out smarting us at every turn so Rory got into uh m&Ms that i had gotten for christmas that i left out and it was my fault and she just ate like a whole bag of m&Ms but it was my sister's dog she's freaking out she's like well we have to give her hydrogen peroxide cut to just giving a dog hydrogen peroxide to induce you vomiting. It was the most miserable sight I've ever seen. That's what Beethoven needs. That's what Beethoven needs to sit with this dog while it expels itself. It was the most... God. I have at least 25 questions, but number one's got to be. How big was this an M bag, Stephen?

Was this a normal family size? It was a big old Christmas thing. This dog was... One with the zipper lock on? Yes. Yeah. I just housed one of those not one day ago. This dog was so clever. One time we had my mom had a bag of hamburger buns. They went missing and all day they kept finding this dog with another fucking hamburger

what the hell's going on. The dog had stashed the hamburger bun in the bathtub and would go back periodically when it was done with the whatever bun. So like all day long where are these fucking things coming from? In a not very big house of the Bronx that's what was going on. If they had, if we had more dogs like that and more dogs like Beethoven, we would have a white God situation in this world quicker

than you want to know. I, for one, welcome our new canine overlords. That's a fucking... That is a great fucking movie that not a lot of people saw. Check it out. White God, check it out. Oh, no, I was just going to say the button on the end of these shirts versus skins is she's like, hi, Mark,

and this girl gets totally snubbed in favor of a prettier girl. Yes, quote, hot girl is like, and like, this girl has to like grab his muscles like oh you're so like they're fucking 27 yeah it's like the fucking what do you call it there National Putin Christmas vacation after you shower

of course of course like that's that's kind of what we're talking about which is that you're so sweaty and I'm like they're fucking 12 shut up the best thing so we go through the Beethoven's big day out and at the end of it he goes to the school and it's

yes the girl the pretty girl that she's talking about did everybody catch her name no Donna Ditzworth and I'm like come on now

she's she's having a hard time once high school hits yeah come on guys it's enough but yeah stop it genius Beethoven

does the stick thing to the boys and boys like dog I get to play with dog and oh right yes oh well because this is the thing too where

this is a great example of it Chris the movie definitely is like oh and by the way audience Beethoven speaks fluent English yes exactly yeah like she's like first of all Beethoven what are you doing it by school it is nice to see you I guess she's actually very much like oh hey Beethoven they have a standing lunch date she's like giving him

some of his lunch or whatever some of her lunch rather Twinkies yes I think I think there is a half a sandwich given to this dog so add that to the fucking diarrhea ammunition and she yeah she's confiding like oh even Mark thinks that girl's perfect Beethoven, blah, blah, blah. And, like, the Beethoven's like, well, I can play matchmaker for you, Bryce. Don't worry about it. Her name is Rice, R-Y-C-E.

Very strange. Whatever you. Oh, California. All right. I mean, meanwhile, these two guys, the two kids that she's Mark and his little buddy there, in like fucking five years, they're going to be beating the shit out of little Sammy Fableman. Oh, yes, absolutely. And you're not going to want to have anything to do with them.

And then another 10 years after that, they're going to be. going to be uh they're going to become local cops in the town yeah any day now well them and the fat kids that are fucking roughing up the the boy oh the fat kids are just rough dude one of which is the one of which is the kid from rookie of the year one of the buddies there i think and heavy weights i think it's the fat kid it's a fat kid from heavy weights and rookie of the year yes yes the blonde buzzcut kid no not the fat kid from heavy one of the chief ones though yes uh but dude pouring milk all over this kid's sandwich at lunch you can't be doing it you just can't just it's awful

fucking bullying man bullying sucks and then they're bullying him on the bus apparently there's a if you blink and you miss it Joseph Gordon Levitt's first film appearances in this movie oh that's interesting again like out of the guessing he's like oh he's the kid third from the left if you look

over here oh I don't know okay but they're like stealing his glasses and I gotta tell you this is where total failure and again unbelievable because like I tell you the amount of times I've been yelled at by a school buser for horsing off on the bus. Like, this should not go down.

That bus driver, that old timer, he should be screaming at these kids. Give them, give the nerd his glasses back, you know. It's 4 p.m. That man is on his second corona. Thank you. I mean, that's the problem with the bus driver's system. Yes.

Is that these are not educators. These are not people that are invested in children. These are people that are marginally homeless that get to drive buses. You know what I mean? Like they are just living their life, drink to drink. my understanding of it.

Apologies, steady school bus drivers. They're all auto from the Simpsons. They're all in varying degrees. We had an old timer in, in, I must have been in middle school, I think. We called him Art the bus driver, and we fucking gave that guy a real hard time.

And then we found out at the end of the year, his name was John, not Art, so that was embarrassing. We had, um, it wasn't like parents from the neighborhood, but there were like, you know, known, bus drivers that would like stay on and like yeah I think some of them could have been kind

of creepy others like we're just like old people that maybe should not have been driving a huge bus full of children like sure this guy that I'm talking about this art the bus driver he had the real he had the fucking glasses that the crooked veterinarian has in this movie because they're usually retirees because like you know you still have to work in this country when you're fucking 65 and like what can you do you can drive a bus sure whatever yep exactly I'm not sure if I've ever told this story before, but I have a real distaste for school bus drivers because one turned

me. I was like on a bus and like coming home one day and like me and this other guy were talking with the other kid and like we just made like a snippy comment about like his dad or something. We just said something really stupid. It wasn't like about the bus driver's dad?

No, no, no, no. About another kid. On the bus with us and we had the same the person who picked us up was the same person who dropped us off. And he must have heard this because the next morning the bus driver, the father of that kid,

no. Came to the bus stop and was like, can I get on the bus please? Oh, no. And he let him on and this guy fucking reamed me out for saying what was, I'm sorry, a G-rated joke. Like completely not something

anybody would get weird about. But he's like, Do you remember what the joke was? I don't. Like literally, smelly. Like, something like that. Like,

literally something like that. Yeah. And, like, the guy, it was like, do you know how to talk to other people? Oh, wow.

And stuff like this. And, like, the bus driver, I could see, the bus driver was, like, behind him and, like,

kind of quietly nodding. Oh, you fucking nark piece of shit. I, I have a distaste for these people. Whoa. I'm, I'm sure there's good ones out there.

I got two quick bus driver things. One is pseudo-Bethoven vibes. Ooh, I love that. So growing up, we had two dogs when I was younger. The first dog we got when I was in fifth grade, and she was a big, um, Akita, Erdale Terrier mix. It was a big, big ass fucking dog. And we were not great about training this dog.

And it got out of the house all the time. And there was one time we literally, we were getting on the bus and the bus was like, whatever, a hundred yards from our house or something, less than that, less than that. the dog had escaped at some point my mom opened the door the dog ran out the dog fucking jumped onto the school bus

ran all the way back to the back of the bus like where I was sitting and it was like how's it going that is very Beethoven-esque oh dude it was total Beethoven and I was like you gotta get off this bus and then she just ran off the bus and then that was the end of it so it worked out other thing a friend of ours

his father used to work a night shift like an overnight shift somewhere and at the end of the shift they would go to the bar that was open for those guys like the owner knew the score and all these dudes from the workshop and whatever it was would like come in and so they're there they're drinking at like 830 in the morning whatever there's a dude he's been pounding beers them the whole time and the guy just gets up he's like well that's enough for me got to get to work and they were like oh okay jerry and the dude leaves the bar gets immediately into a school bus and drives up

the road. Good for him. Sounds right. Good God. The bullies do learn their lesson, I guess, because, like, basically they're following this kid home, a little Chris Castile here. They're, like, shoving him. And they're about, this is where it's about to get dark.

They're going to beat the shit out of this kid. Like, you know what I mean? They take his glasses or they're like, come on, what are you going to do? And Beethoven's, many times, Beethoven's sight is under. rated. This dog can see hundreds of yards through trees. It's like the my cousin Vinnie joke of just like, so you saw

through these trees, through all this shit. Look, I want to do that to Beethoven. Or even get the 100 yard meter thing. Yeah, measuring tape. Yeah, measuring tape. Because how this dog could see that this kid's in trouble. It goes blocks and blocks follows him, but it's a funny little gag where

the kid's finally got to. Also, by the way, earlier that morning, the kid, this little nerdy kid goes to dad who hates him and is like, I want to take karate class like, what do you want to do that for? It's like, I don't know, like so-and-so, little so-and-so's doing it. And she has a green belt.

So he's like, I'll just buy you the belt. I'm like, this kid's begging for something to do. It's a cry for help. You have to do nothing at 7 a.m. And you will stay doing nothing at 7 a.m. I ain't going to karate class at 7 a.m. We're staying home at 7 a.m. I am bitching at you at 7.

You have to wake up to hear the fucking bitching. Yeah, because waking up is free. listening to my bitching is free and doing nothing is free. But as soon as we get into, oh, an extra crickier thing where money is exchanged, this dude's shutting it right down. What you're going to be doing is you're going to go and polish the nose at my

factory. You're going to polish the fucking Nickelodeon esk fucking nose that is at the car. This fucking new, how do you keep investors here when they see that fucking nose? He's got two of them. He's got one on the outside and one behind his desk. But, so the kid's like, about to stand

up for himself. He's got to put him up, dukes up, and here comes Beethoven behind them growling, and the kids are afraid of the dog, so they're like, we'll never bother you again. But they don't know, the gag is they don't know that Beethoven is behind him, and the kid is like, put him up, put him up.

He's getting ready to fight him, and the kids run off. Beethoven also decides he's not going to take credit for the save, and he fucks off before the little boy can turn around and see him there. Beethoven's emotionally mature enough to understand that this kid needs the self-esteem of thinking that he defeated the movies. You understand?

That's just something Beethoven knows, just much like that Mark and Rice would make a good couple and that Denise Ditzworth isn't worthy of Mark's attention. And that Mark's pretty good looking without his shirt on, pretty sweaty. That's the, I mean, that is the tragedy of the movie is that Charles Groton never understands that Beethoven is essentially raising his kids for him. He never puts it together. He doesn't see that he is lifting half of that, you know, the God, thing. Why aren't my footprints in the things I was carrying

you? Beethoven was carrying your ass on the fucking sand that whole time. Why are there four footprints of a dog on my life when it was so hard? Because you were riding Beethoven you bitch. Yes. And you got to watch a Charles Gruden because one second he's raising your

kids. The next thing you know, this dog's fucking your wife. And it's going to happen. It's on its way there. Because like he's already he wants Bonnie Hunt to come back to work. He's dealing with Patricia and David de Covney who want to put

I guess $150,000 into this fucking air freshener company where like the biggest thing he's done is that he can he thought to put Velcro on the back of these things so they're not as Patricia Heaton says tacky on the rearview mirror She's right. They do look tacky

when they're hanging. You got to be discreet with that shit. This is a pre-X files David DuCovney and a very much during the Red Shoe Diaries David DeCovine when he was playing yuppie scum see previous episode Don't tell mom the babysitter's dad He is very yuppie scum

coded in this. Him and Patricia Heaton are just like They're saying chow they're called a majority Kudos! Yes, oh it's so awesome I love all of the 90s yuppie scum shit with these characters important to point out because it's like a thing that this movie has

or the makers of this movie had right after Mark thinks that he beat those bullies or whatever it cuts immediately to this kid shirtless admiring himself in the mirror flexing and posing and looking at his body and I'm like this kid's like 12 years old what are you doing this is also remember that movie little giants same gag

little nerdy kid yep muscular in the mirror kind of green bean yeah was that a previous episode little giants we never did it know yeah Rick for Annas and Tom Arnold. Ed O'Neill. Ed O'Neill, yes, yes. I think that was sort of like famously not streaming for a while. Yeah, that might be.

It might have been on our schedule. We've realized once it's screaming. So like he's doing whatever. Like he wows Patricia Heaton and it's like, we'll call us, we'll call you, but like it goes well. That's part of Beethoven's big day as well. It goes well, but let's remember, this is also in line because we find out later.

Charles Groden A plus sucker Because these two These two fucking yuppies Are about to take your company from you It is the time of hostile takeovers In the corporate world So of course this little business

That's doing incredibly well apparently Is going to get absolutely nabbed by these people And you're going to get You're going to spend that $150,000 And you're not going to have your company anymore How about that shit? But it's all it's It's weird because like

His whole thing right is like he want grodan is he wants bonnie hunt to come back to work for the sole purpose of like helping schmooze them and it's the craziest line right she goes i uh i told you and she's saying it like sort of sexily right she's like i told you charles groan i would give you anything you want for your birthday weird yeah his birthday wish is for her to come back to work he says this is them in bed at night and i mean like uh And yes, so he's like, you're going to come back. And like, because it's also like she's like a secretary, it seems like. You know what I mean? It's not exactly. She's not, so it's like she just doesn't want to do this work anymore. And she's like, I want to be here for the kids.

We've got three young kids. I mean, this little girl is like fucking four. I don't even think she's going to school. You know what I mean? Like she's very, very young. So she's like, it's not time yet. I told you. He's like, but you got to come back to work.

And then like Beethoven at the end of his day comes in and he's watching the universal Wolfman on TV. LOL. Well, get into local news too. It's important. Because he can speak English and he can understand it all. So he knows that animal kidnappings are up 500%. 500%. My God.

Stanley Tucci and Oliver Plott are really making a dent in this town. And they're not getting paid. They're not getting paid what they should be. But if Arnick can take him for a fucking ride. This is my question. Because we don't actually, the only time we understand what they're doing is when the guy, which we'll talk about the second, which we go to

now, this guy, the sleazy guy, from Seven and Seinfeld and all sorts of stuff. Dick Portnow. Dick Portnow comes in and Beethoven still has hell to look forward to. No, but he comes in and it's just like, look, I have these new ballistics. I have these new bullets

that explode on impact. I need a big dog skull and he's like, oh dogs are, big dogs are harder to do. And he's like, okay, here's a bag of money. This, it's called a ring, like a ring of animal kidnappings that are

plaguing the town. Is it all about shooting dogs in the head, or is it about other things? No, it's other things, because that's a special request. That's why you're getting the extra money in there. It's mostly for other stuff, right? It's all the shampoo and stuff? It's all the

colorful liquids that this crooked veterinarian gets shot with at the same time at the end of the movie. You got green stuff, you got purple stuff, you got sunny D, you got blue stuff. Like, There's just, like, fake syringes that they're, like, testing vague drugs on. I just hope none of those vials have the rage virus in it. My God, man, Beethoven would.

Maybe we would get some sort of white god situation. I'd be totally okay with it. First to cure, you must understand. Beethoven. Beethoven would be the diseased king of this world if that happened. Like, he would just take the throne at that point. I mean, so he turns on the wolf man. He's, after learning that this fucking, he lives in, like, essentially Robocop's Detroit, but for dogs.

I'd buy that for a milk bone. And he's like, uh-oh, Groden's coming downstairs because Bonnie Hunt heard something. She doesn't trust. Because the thing is, it's like, Bonnie Hunt might be we think we don't get enough time with her. Because she's really like, I don't want a stranger in this house. And like a babysitter who's going to rob us and take our kids. and like, it's all right, buddy. But while this is happening,

she comes out to play with the thermostat. Beethoven goes up into the bedroom. Charles Grohan's going down to check on the TV. This creates a situation in which Charles Groton ends up in bed with Beethoven who has tucked himself in. Yes. It's in every which way but loose scenario. Someone's kissing mine.

Look, you should know. your wife's tongue vis-a-vis a saint-Bernard's and I think that tells you and us the audience everybody watching Beethoven exactly the state of this marriage because this dude thinks that a gigantic

St. Bernard's sandpaper tongue is the loving, sexy lick of his wife Bunny Hunt. How do you fuck that up? He's got a dog tongue on his neck. The dog's paw looks to be fingering his ass from what I can gather and he is just like

oh that's daddy's girl been naughty honey cut your nails oh the daddy's girl stuff is something I absolutely do not need in my Beethoven 1993 film not great is daddy's little girl being naughty and like A that it's Charles Gruden ew

it's just because she's 30 years younger than you already yes exactly it's just skeezy you have two daughters who are daddy's little girls you fucking creep currently this has to be the guy the dog suit you know what I mean

so like oh yeah this is a very this is now turning into a shining scenario great party isn't it Beethoven you know that kind of a thing no one in Beethoven's just using the N-word for no reason there is a Saint Bernard in your living room

that needs to be corrected oh and you need to correct them too. I do love the Bonnie Hunt reaction when she comes out of the bathroom. She's just like, who are you talking to? Yes. You can see, I mean, like, this guy could be a jacked towards. Here's Johnny Beethoven.

Oh, absolutely, dude. Absolutely. Although, like, if that was a scenario, acts or no, like, I think, I mean, Beethoven's just going to tear you apart, man. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, that would be the next step for this family. Like this, he foolishly signs over his fucking, uh, his air freshener company. David DeCovny and Patricia Heaton.

And now he has to be the caretaker at the Overlook Hotel. It makes perfect sense. He's been run out of town essentially. Like, listen, I got to do some writing. Yeah, I'm working on my memoirs about me running that air freshener factory. But endgame would be him. It would be Beethoven tearing his throat out. Oh, sure.

He sees, like, he goes outside to put him into his little fence thing. And the escape route out of this thing, which was visible by blind men, He's like, oh, that's how you do it. A hole right next to your house. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Something the Looney Tunes have been doing for fucking 40 years, Charles Grotter.

He does have the line, my family likes you more than they like me. And the dog's got to be like, no shit. Maybe be less of a fucking asshole day to day. Let the boy do his karate. You should probably show interest in anything they do By the way, totally embarrassing You thought my tongue was your wife's When's the last time you had sex?

Wasn't your anniversary? Because that was in April. Hey, buddy, I didn't ruin your life. You ruined your life. Let's be a little clear here. Primo, a little cap on this scene is after he says all that, he's just starting to get douched by the yard sprinklers.

Oh, yes, of course. Do you hear me? Do you hear? So the next big movement is Body Hunt does go back to work because she's been fucking forced by her tyrant husband. And now they have a, right?

Well, the only thing is we do have Beethoven's first vet appointment with Dr. Barnick. That's important. And this is the biggest instance, I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, of the puppet Beethoven. Yes.

Because it's like when Beethoven sees the needle to get his vaccination, he's like, bool and like feints and falls over, puppet town. I just love this guy is just, Vardick is just waking up with him, he gave me 25 grand to find a big dog. Jesus Christ, if they don't find it,

they're going to fucking kill me. What am I going to do here? Plus, I've a heroin addiction as well that I'm working on. He just sees Beethoven and dollar signs come into his eyes. He's a cartoon character. I mean, it was just amazing. Think of this situation.

where, because Varnick, of course, immediately is like, oh, you know, this dog eats babies, often. This breed is just known for fucking up families and lives everywhere it goes. And I would be happy to take it back from you for a nominal fee. You know, I'm not going to go crazy about it, but imagine you go home and go to your wife and be like, you know, this is the third time and my vet is once again saying we should put the dog down for no reason.

Yes. Yeah. Well, apparently this was, the American Vet Association hated this movie and they wrote a letter to Jack Valenti about it, which does make sense. Sure. Because there's two people that hate going to the vets. Animals, obviously, and that's just because they're stupid and they don't understand that it's for their own good. And kids, like, oh my God, you're going to take fucking Fido to the vet. You're going to put him down.

Then they go see the big family film Beethoven where the vet wants to shoot the dog in the head for profit. So they're going to then be like, we can't ever go to the vet. oh my god you're going to shoot my dog in the head for profit this is a scarring traumatizing film and all veterinarians love animals and yes part of their job unfortunately is eventually they do have to put some of them down

that is just the way that shit works it's just an amazing thing to be like the villain of this movie is a vet that shoots dogs in the head for profit he's it's amazing I'm gonna tell you something I have a vet I'm very close with my vet she works up Shoalhof which is a great little

veterinary we use and she told me once she's like you know they you probably heard that statistic back in the day that dentists are the ones who kill themselves all the time she's like veteran erans have actually overtaken them and she was like it's a lot to do with you have to kill animals you have to do that all the time

and she's like it destroys you it really does and I was like oh man I'm sorry but can I do anything for you you have half my wallet but that's fine you have more money than I've ever more money than I can afford right now so that's what you've got I can't be too sad with these bills

you shove in my way still pretty bad I do understand that but like I I can see them getting so pissed because yeah kids you hear of that and like you have to go to the vet you have to do it has to happen

but at least once a year for a checkup at least you know Jesus Christ so he's just like well I will be shooting the idea I'm going to kill this dog for profit. I love this voice. It's great.

We have a $700 contract here. This is the brand new Jean-Claude Van Dam branded Superblade and we need to know it can cut the head off of a big K-9. We need to know that. Sabre $1,400. Would that do it for you? That is the wild

thing that Dick Portnow puts out there when he asks the doctor to do that. He's like, we just want to see what these exploding rounds will do to the skull, he says. And then Varro goes,

oh, I see, you want to see how messy it gets. Oh, man. Again, like, this is a family movie. The threat should be a land developer taken over the town. The threat should be, again, like vaguely Beethoven might have to go to the dog pound. You know what I mean?

And, like, maybe we know what that means. Even being euthanized in an humane way, not shot in the head. It's like the fucking departed. They should have the thing. The horrid witch from Gremlins. Just get some version of that lady in here. Oh, yeah.

Trying to kill a Billy's dog. Get her out of here. I'm picturing the fucking door opens. And it's this vet. And he's head to toe and fucking, you know, surgical gear head to toe. He's got the booties on his feet. Beethoven's just standing there on the apartment.

Oh, fuck. God damn it. That may be so. But put your gun down and step away for Beethoven. Oh, poor Anthony Anderson in that movie. Everyone gets shot in the head. You know, in the beginning they have that scene where the guy is even telling you what happens what a book gets shot in your head, how it mushrooms and all.

That should be in the movie Beethoven. We might as well do it. Get that guy and he'll do the same lecture that he does in The Departed. Yes. But so like now that's going. going on. But yes. She's going to drop the kids off at the babysitter. The crooked babysitter. Yes. We're not crooked. She's just not very, she's a very bad babysitter. She's got like, she's obsessed with show tunes. You know, she's, you know,

like she wants to play for the kids as the joke. She's like singing like disco songs on her like little keyboard. Lady Marmalade, baby. Oh, yes, yes. Lady Marmalade on what looks like an organ. Uh, and she's just pounding it out while the baby is playing in the pool. Yes. Exactly. The baby, the one you have to really have to be looking out for is playing with a ball and she gets it in this lady's pool. Again, like, you got kids coming over. You got to cover that fucking pool lady. That's a number one. And this is where you real, the eyesight doesn't even, he is, Beethoven is, this is psychic powers. Beethoven is in touch with the almighty. He just, he's got it. Like, you know what, Beethoven, your, your buddy is fucking drowning. You better get over there right now. I got it. and when they have the

and why I'm saying it's like psychic powers is because they use the very specific like dolly zoom camera effect on Beethoven like it's Roy Scheider seeing the fucking kidder kid get killed in jaws and it's just that is to me is like he's sleeping and he gets the sense and he wakes up and it's like

trouble it's so weird because it's also like poorly directed because it's by this guy because like you never know what the spatial relation is and then when Beethoven is like jumping over people and like taking lefts and right? How the fuck did he see this?

Like you know what I mean? It's multiple houses over it because he definitely jumps over a babe in a bikini and sunbaties. They drive to this lady's house. Like that's what's going on. They're driving to her house. It's a Ferris Bueller thing where he goes I assume that thing. But like it's also being like

yeah we're we just we just told you about the vet who wants to blow the dog's head off. The baby is drowning. Maybe some levity. Maybe a little levity is she goes over a bikini babe. It's not so serious. Because it is, I mean, this kid goes under the water. It's not like a classic, like, splashy, splashy, help, help.

She is under the water. Under, dude. Yes. And Beethoven, in the last moment, saves her. Good on you. And like, thanks, Beethoven. You saved my life. This little kid says, which is very adorable.

But then this old fucking pig, this lady, dude, time for the urn with this lady. She starts going, what are you doing out there? You want to get me into trouble? Well, this will just be our little secret, won't it? No, Nicole Tom's like, no, it isn't. She tells the mother, and the mother promptly fires her. But during the day, the mother's only day at work, she does woo Patricia Heaton and David DeCovny.

And like, we want to invest. It's kind of great. It's very fun. It's like, we want to take you out to dinner. Is there any place to eat in this horrible town? And then they're like, and even grown is like, not really. Yeah. Come over for a barbecue.

And he's like, eh. That's, I mean, like. what is that telling me as the audience member? Like these people never go out to eat. There's not a single restaurant you could fucking reel off. Even if it's like, oh, we're buried in suburbia. There's not really anything. But the red lobster is probably the best chain restaurant we have.

Pizza and hamburgers, I imagine, is the major thing here. Like, you can't take, I mean, I guess what these people are looking for is like Indian food or Vietnamese food. But then we are talking about a whole new bevy of jokes I don't want to hear. No, you're a good point. Whatever those jokes are, I don't want to hear them. That's a whole lot of explosive diarrhea Beethoven is going to have. Oh, my God.

They're doing a lot of Italian chow baby. Even like, I think David DeCovey is like, it's got to be better than this espresso that Bonnie Hunt made him and everyone's laughing. Having a good old time laughing at these poor pigs. But it's, now it's time for the big barbecue that we're going to have. And like, the kids are supposed to entertain. Don't make the kids talk to these people.

The kids are not. here to help you, like, seal the deal with selling this thing. Also, he, again, and I said this on Letterbox, but this is a movie where a crooked veterinarian hires two sleazy guys to kidnap dogs for the purposes of shooting them in the head to see what would happen to the skull. It also features two venture capitalists trying to wipe out a hardworking middle class family's business that keeps them afloat. But at the end of the day, Charles Groden is still the biggest asshole in this movie because here we go. He's still pushing for her to come back to work full time while she is setting up his barbecue for his clients. My God, this guy sucks. And she's like,

the kid almost drowns. That could have happened to anybody. I'm like, no. Are you kidding me? Like, no, this is like the babysitter experiment has failed. Yep. Exactly. What would have been what would be the bad thing if we lost one kid? Huh? Don't you think it would free us up a little bit? Like, be serious here, Alice. You need to spend $25,000 a year to hire a fucking assistant. I'm sorry. That's just, you're the boss.

That's how that shit has to go. But we see the office, right? You know, there's other people there besides Charles Grohl and Bonnie Hunt. What are any, how many people do you need to sell fucking air fresheners to people? It's a great question. I have no idea. I just don't understand, like, the lift that this business needs that he thinks. thinks Bonnie Hunt is going to be the only one that can offer it.

Like I don't, you know what it is? I think it's like, oh, she'll come back to work. But since it's his company, he's not paying her. Exactly. Yeah. I need you specifically. Yes. To come back to work. Your help, because I need you to be here and to take care of the paperwork while I'm home killing the children. So that that is a surprise for when you get home and then I can take you out too. I do love DuCovney and Heaton. They're great. in this movie and they're doing a great job talking about how they like despise being in these people's backyard and uh they the little kids are like a do you have kids and they start

laughing and uh i think it's de coveney is the one who just goes we have a career yes uh but patricia he likes dogs you do the baby voice to it the kids are like are done they go away and they while the kids are gone it's just patricia he and david deconey like we're going to take this guy for everything he's worth of these signs this company is ours. They sit down and again, I guess this is why Bonnie Hunt needs to come back to work is because she's only one with a fucking brain

in her head. Because this guy gives him a contract and he's not reading it. He doesn't have his fucking lawyer involved. Well, this is everything we discussed, right? And I'm like, no, it's fucking contract, dude, you got to read it. You got to read it. You said already it's pretty standard, right? That's true. That was a true thing, you said to me.

Bonnie Hunt is like, well, we don't have to sign it right now. We could look at it. And, like, position, he keeps being like, no, no, let's do this. Let's do that. Whatever it is, that's the gag. And also, though, like, Beethoven, again, his massive, impressive grasp of the English language, he is a, he overhears them talking about it. And he understands, Rott Row corporate espionage of foot. Not only that, he seems to have some real, like, solid grasp on body language.

He just understands this shit. Hold on. If the company goes over, that means the deal probably have to get rid of me and or get me cheaper Iams, which I enjoy. So I don't know. Man, Iams put some money into this fucker. Holy Lord. Dude. And this is, I love this shit. It's like, it's definitely a movie thing, right? Because I said I grew up having big dogs. But like when you have a big dog in the movie, the gag is always, you're buying way more fucking food for it. because they have the gag in this montage

where like each kid and then Bonnie Hunt and Groton are bringing in a slightly larger bag of food every time. See also when Randy Quaid and Chevy Chase are shopping and Christmas vacation and Randy Quaid is putting like massive bags of food one after

another down like the dog doesn't need all that in like a week or two weeks even you know so do company's got the great line he's like dogs obey so much better than children don't they which is very funny and then this is where you see Beethoven because remember everybody he has overheard all of the shenanigans the business related shenanigans the corporate takeover stuff

and he starts wrapping his long yard leash around their chairs very carefully around the table or whatever and like he knows what a contract is big tov it is aware that if this if pen goes to paper the whole family's fucked yep exactly right uh oh no rice won't be able to go to a good college if he signs that paper how about my 50 pound bag of ions Rice will have to stay home for college

and I won't get her room to myself I do love the fucking because yeah they're doing this like back and forth like he's about to sign it's about to sign it like Patricia Heaton keeps making excuses for Bonnie Hunt to leave and go back in the house she like spills lemonade at one point

she breaks the glass or whatever because they realize Bonnie Hunt is the one who's like maybe you should actually read this George and we can just eat shitty fucking undercooked hamburgers here today and then like the lawyer can look at it and then we can give it back to him later. You have to have a lawyer. You own a business air freshener. I mean, you've got to be dealing

with the FDA and God knows what. You know what I mean? Like Christ on the cross. We think. And then I love this great it's a great way to kick off this bit is DuCovny. He's just got this ball and he just goes I pitched in college and throws this ball. It's such a great

DuCovny man. I love the I've always loved him. It's such a fucking amazing smarm delivery of I pitched in college. And then here we go. He pitched in college. Beethoven runs after the ball. And wouldn't you know it?

They just get tied up in it. We're doing a bunch of wacky we're speeding up the frame rate as they're flying around and getting dragged all over the place. POV shots. It's a wild. It's a wild sequence.

And again, it would have been a very satisfying finale to the film. You know what I mean? Yeah. These yuppies, maybe they would have to fall a cake or something or a pool. They'd have to be covered in something to really make it

the end. They could fall into the old lady's pool and she doesn't hear him because she's playing the organ and they drown. They both die. That'd be great. Oh, I love that. The stakes would still be lower than they are in the movie Beethoven at that happened. Yeah, no one's getting shot in the head. I do love, so like the dragging down the sidewalk is very funny. Like he's pulling, Beethoven is pulling a table, two chairs with two people in them down the sidewalk. Everybody's screaming, stunt double alert for both of the people obviously playing Du Covene and Heaton, but then also the funniest thing is Groden's character is supposed to be chasing after them down the sidewalk. And you have like a quick like camera facing Charles Groden

like, get back here, but then that stops to a stunt double booking it down the sidewalk. And it's a big tall guy with a Groden wig on it. All I could think about was any time they had Mr. Steinbrenner running anywhere on the sidewalk, it looks exactly. they're saying, oh, Costanza, bop, bach, bop, bop. It's just this big stunt double. There's a calzone in this building. You know, that old. Yeah, it's exactly it.

George's here. Where is he? Oh, my God. I just loved looking at this stunt double. So great. And it, like, flips impossibly, and the gag is it lands, the whole set lands outside of their house in perfect order. Perfect right side up.

And, like, that's, that's an amazing way for the villains of the movie to, like, get theirs. And all the kids can go, yay. and not have to think about a dog's brains getting blown out. Yeah, exactly. Like, well, that's happening, Charles Gordon reads the Congress, like, wait a minute, 90% of my company, and he tears it up and tells him where to shove it. Yep. And the credits. And like, and then maybe, and then maybe it's Thanksgiving and Beethoven does it again.

You know, like, that's totally bad. No, but then the next day after this big thing, like, he's, oh, I'm sorry, like the night, this is the most, so it's night of and Charles Gordon is devastated because his business deal didn't go through because Beethoven's antics. Yeah. And he's like, this is my dream, blah, blah, blah.

And like, Bonnie Hunt looks at him. And just, we're all married on this show. And, you know, anyone here has been in a long-term, anyone listening in a long-term relationship, whatever. Sure. Your partner looks at you and says, your family is falling. He's like, my life is, my dream is falling apart.

You're talking about it, dog. And she retorts, your family is falling apart. And you're talking about a dream. Yep. That is the beginning. of couples therapy and or a trial separation like i think that's a nuclear statement you're you're in couples therapy when that one that's you need the help to get that language that way that it's not yeah this is already a problem i would have already been in a separate house this is defcon one like

yellow lights going on for divorce town like this is it's crazy before the dreams going down the drain line. There's another thing in here where he's he's fucking pissed off about the whole thing or whatever and she's straight up like by the way unless it wasn't clear to you. I'm not fucking going back to work like that's not happening

and she goes to him because he's like I don't know what's going to happen with my business now and my big dreams or whatever and she goes you'll make your fortune and somewhere tucked away in the shadows will be me and the kids tucked away in the

shadows. That a Tim Byrd movie? Well, she's also like, and those people treated me like dirt and they were rude to your kids and you didn't say shit. Like, it is a laundry list. Like, again, like, this isn't sleeping on the couch. This is like a book in a room with the fucking double tree, man. And it is. Sleep at the fucking smell factory that you own.

You are bumping into Matthew Broderick from election at the hotel. And you guys are commiserating about this shit because it's bad out there. There's a possum in the pool Charles Groton You got any garbage bags You got a big fucking race car bed man It is not looking good for Charles Grotin Luckyest thing in the world is this fucking villainous vet comes To save the day

Oh absolutely Make him look like a fucking hero And get his wife wet again for the first time of years Because fucking Barnic This evil vet comes to their house I don't believe there was an appointment schedule It was just coming to the house To come to the house

He's coming to check Sometimes I come check up on my patients And like this is like very weird serial killer shit Like Bonnie Hunt should be smart enough not to let this guy in the house There's no reason And he's like oh well the dog Beethoven you understand Even still like this guy should be in my house

No I didn't call you and veterinarians don't just do this Out of the kindness of their heart Get off my porch Do you need me to come to your vet office An appropriate business hour? I'll do that this week Let's find the time

You're not entering my house That's how that works Because, I mean, he fucks it with the dog, and the dog bites him on the arm, quote unquote, bites him on the arm, quote, bites him. This is how you get barbarian, Bonnie Hunt. I'm sorry, but this is how it happens. Yes. And, like, he's like, well, I'm going to, I'd have to do the responsible thing. I have to kill this dog.

And I have to take him away from these, these kids. And I'm like, you were on my property. Yes. On, you did not tell me you were coming. You want to go to fucking, if it was any other, if it was a. and not Charles Groden he would be like get your fucking lawyer buddy

I'd like to see you try you fucking idiot yes exactly we're not killing my dog what are you talking about my daughter says you're antagonizing my dog this that and the other thing and that alone would fix your problem

Charles Groden now your wife loves you again but it's amazing because this guy goes I have to check on Beethoven after the shot it's a standard procedure of course he goes in Beethoven's pen because Beethoven's been like locked at his pen now because he's bad dog. And he's like, oh, this is going to hurt you a lot more than me, Beethoven.

My friend Tom Savini gave me this blood packet. Good buddy of mine the master of horror himself. You may have seen some of his work or films like Friday the 13th or some of those living dead pictures. This is a Taco Bell Diablo packet. He's got a tint to it.

He's sprayed it all over his arm. He splattered some on Beethoven. The little little girl, Sarah, I think her name is. Emily. Emily is watching from the window and he's like, and it's great because this movie knows it's, the dog is hit, but you don't see the dog get hit. You know what I mean? You see like his arm go up and. Yeah, it's kind of like how Quintorantino does the ear scene in reservoir dogs. You know what I mean? The camera just pans up at the right moment. You know what I mean? You don't want to show the worst part, which is an old man beating a dog to get it to bite him. And then the dog does attack him, but not

viciously but now there's like this fake blood packet and blah blah blah he's got squibs i think i forget yeah he winds up looking like james conn at the end of the godfather and you know like groan runs out or whatever and he's like oh it's natural a child who'd want to protect your dog blah blah blah because of course we're not going to believe the little kid that saw it with her own eyes he probably saw me pat the dog on the hayst and then all of a sudden they're not trying to get me and the next because i mean the thing that he gets charles groan which which is correct you've got small kids like this dog will kill your kids someday like this is going to happen this is sure this is once it gets a taste for blood it's a it's a man eater it's a man

eater uh so of course the family's like devastated and dude this line it it just is so gutting right dad won't believe me because he hates beethoven and he's always hated beethoven and you just have groan like hearing this like maybe i should walk into the ocean family fucking hates me finally dude it's brutal though like he approaches with the leash and like it's Groden kind of

POV not POV but you know it's like Broden when this flashback happens and it's Groden thinking about Beethoven as a little puppy or whatever and then this is where I got to tell you like if it had gone down the way that this crooked doctor wanted it to and Beethoven was summarily executed

in a warehouse Charles Grotin If I was like one of these kids I would never let him live this down Like he doesn't let these kids Say goodbye to this dog He secretly just gets it in the car And he might as well be fucking driving

Through the garage door To peel out that fast You do this And you better you pack your bags Because you're leaving the town When you're done With your whatever you're doing with Beethoven You have to leave everything

Because I would They show it They show him facing up to the family. And I'm like, it would be a hundred thousand times worse than this awful scene you have of him coming back. Because the way you do it is, I mean, like, because he even talks to the car. He's talking to Beethoven because he knows Beethoven speaks perfect English. He's like, well, you know, Beethoven, my dad, he's like, hey, my kids love you more than me. Ha, ha, what a life.

And then he's like, my dad, my dad did this when I was a kid and I always hated him. That's why I never wanted a dog. because I never wanted to have to and here I am doing this now. A, your dad did this probably because the dog was sick and this was best for the animal and blah blah blah and as opposed to being conned by a fucking

by a vet to kill a perfectly healthy dog because what you need to do is you need to go to Bonnie Hunt and be like listen this is what we're at it's a dangerous animal the vet's got to do it we're going to get sued we can't afford to suit we need to say we're going to send bait it's the classic gag right we're going to send Beethoven to a farm upstate

he can't find anybody we'll never visit him again RIP my dog sparky I fell for that for a couple of years that was stupid but yeah you know just gonna send him up the river and like

or not up the river send him a nice farm he'll be able to run both really and like but you need your wife behind it because you have no fucking capital with these kids anymore

no but the dudes is secretly like yeah they now know you are sentencing a healthy dog to death yeah you know no more Christmases for you

no and so we get to the office here or whatever he's it's a terribly sad line he's like i'm sorry you were my dog too anybody notice who's the receptionist oh i was gonna ask you yes who is she she's the fucking nashy nurse from uh exorcist three that's all fucking creepy and shit oh right yes yeah but he or she's just like oh well you get and the great part is this guy's fucking hosed by this vent yep yep we're gonna have to charge you to board him overnight because the euthanizing guy isn't going to come until tomorrow morning. At this point, I mean, like, of course

he is a demon and hair of Barnick is very much how I think of this guy. But like, like at that point, why not built this fucking sucker for all of his, all his work? I would take him to the cleaners. I would fucking, every fucking scent I can get out of this guy

because I have no, even though I'm an evil shit, I at least know that this fucker has no spine whatsoever. So I would just rip all the money out. Rip as much money as you can out. Oh, you know, actually what I'm going to do is, yes, I'm going to bill you for boarding your dog.

I'm going to charge you for the remains. I'm going to charge you to get the leash back and all that. And by the way, at the end, just for my own pleasure, sick pleasure, of course. I'm going to put the bullet-eye shot Beethoven in the head in your mailbox. Much like the movie The Insider. Let you know that you and your family

are not safe. It's coming out in eight years. You'll love it. Grotin's looking at the bill. He's like, Bullets He's got Vardick is like Gives him the contract

that he was going to sign for Covney and Heaton but's for him there you go why don't you sign this too

you piece of shit actually we also we like to have a big dinner for the last meal so you're gonna pay for that too that costs you

$5,000 give it here you fucking idiot oh I actually was wearing nice shoes and your dog's brains got all over

my dog my shoes you understand when I shut him in the fucking head so you're gonna pay

for the new Italian shoes and the handkerchief that I ruined, wiping it off. To be totally honest, we weren't sure what was going to happen to your dog's head when we shot it with that exploding round.

So there was all this cleanup we weren't anticipating. So we'll be passing that on to you as well. That's another $2,000. Messy is a little underselling it, to be honest with you, what I just had to see. And for $2,99, if you wanted, I can sell you the video of me shooting your dog to the head. The guys put it underneath it,

Tom Petty's Free Fallen, if you want to hear it. yeah well only 2999 for a custom video that's not bad so groden goes home and again bad move you dipshit he comes in where the whole family is sitting at the table and he's just got the leash and the collar that the dead dog doesn't need anymore to which this little emily just stands up and goes dog killer and they all march out of the room yeah dude this is this is not going to go away in a week for a year.

That's on your resume now. Dog killer. That's, you should really be the highlight. So, whatever, we're in the final push of the movie here.

Beethoven has brought back to this hideout, Platte and Tucci, like get him in the cage. Beethoven, he's got this fucking muzzle on all fucking Dr. Lector style and whatnot.

I do love this Tucci line. He's like, Doc, I'll work on him first thing in the morning. That is one dead puppy. This fucking voice that he's doing is amazing. Yeah, he's doing very like, So it's so cartoon.

Yeah, it's very cartoony, which again, like, even though you have to have it. Yes. It's hack because it's very a home alone. But it would add some levity to, again, a grim ending to this film. Yes. Yeah, because he has to play a cartoon while they're like talking. They're in front of an industrial furnace being like, get the puppies. And you're like, yeah, maybe a cartoon character is best for this.

I don't know if you want a serious actor trying to do this. Because Groden finally is like. Like, you know, they guilt him into, like, we want to, we want to see Beethoven. We want to see Beethoven one last time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. So we're all going to go to the vet office. And I don't know what Varick's doing there.

I guess they'll do it paperwork or whatever. He's putting, he's putting a shit ton of cash in a safe. Yes, this is very funny. That is so good. There's like, and that's another $40,000. And that's another $40,000. But they come in, he's like, well, I'm terribly sorry. The dog's been destroyed.

Yes, you know, we got a lot of money from that chainsaw company testing what a chainsaw would do to a golden retriever The long story short, wasn't very good for the golden retriever Oh, you'll find this interesting kids It turns out medical science never actually confirmed What happens when you said a black lab on fire So just got done with that science experiment earlier today

For 2999, I'll give you the VHS tape of that too I'm going to be heading down to Florida where we're going to find out what grenades do to dolphins. Oh, it turns out dolphin can't survive a grenade attack. Very interesting, very interesting. Oh, you know, a fascinating report. I'll show you kids the pictures in a minute if you want to, but do you ever know what happens when a horse chews on a lit stick of dynamite for too long?

Not as fun as the cartoons, I'll tell you that much. You ever see the end of the movie Terminator 2 when he slowly lowered it to molten lead? Yeah, that's not so good for a chihuahua, let me tell you that. Hostel of Easter, baby. Oh, man. So then, like, they all start demanding, like, let's see our dog, let's see our dog. Varnick grabs the little girl. Yes.

And that's finally when Charles Groton wakes up and tries to act like a fucking man. And he's like, oh, hey, get your hands off whatever daughter that is of mine. And he grabs these supposedly injured arm. And, uh-oh, no fucking bites whatsoever. Charles Groden punching someone in the face and never looked believable on camera. It doesn't hear. But dude,

when he knocks Verrick out though with one punch, this is the first time Bonnie Hunt has been made horny by her husband in at least however many years it was since that little girl. And she said so. She said so for the kids. Yep. She says,

I've never found you more attractive. I.e., I haven't found you attractive in years. And by the way, stop dying your hair. Everyone knows. Come on. Everyone knows. So Groden tries to call the cops from a pay phone.

The cops refuse to do anything, so the family decides to follow them or follow Verrick on their own or whatever. I love, it hints to they've done this before. Yes. Like, they're like, oh, here's Verrick. Everybody be quiet. Let's get back in the car. And he and Bonnie Hunt just give each other a look. And that knowing look is Charles Groden telling Bonnie Hunt and Bonnie Hunt confirming she understands what Charles Grotin said to her with his eyes.

We have to wait and we'll close our car doors at the same time Verrick closes his door so he doesn't hear us that is some primo we have cased a place before kind of a move

That's calling back all their old training from when they were in the weather underground That's bringing it all back home Listen you don't become the number one air freshener company

in South Pasadena without breaking a few eggs If you know what I mean You know absolutely You gotta run some other fucking air freshener company had a business with some corporate espionage. So we cut back to this fucking

horror factory and this is where Tucci and Platt are shoving a bunch of paperwork into a furnace and they're like... When I saw this part he's got a big box, it probably has papers in it. I literally thought there were dog remains. I'm not kidding you. I thought he was just like, oh boy, we got to get rid of the evidence

or whatever. I'm sorry, cut you off. But I really thought those dog parts in that box. Oh yeah, dude. Oh, it's a fucking box full of live kittens. Makes sense with this. guy. Oh, hey, don't put that in the fire just yet. Let me film it. We'll see what happens. And I'm free

freehalling. Oh, he's singing the song? It's not too bad. That's why it's only $2,99. That's how you get around the licensing issues. Exactly. Steve, didn't you say that your dad had skydiving videos in Free Fallen? That's exactly where that came from, yes. It was my dad's first skydiving video set to Free Fallen, which is one of the three songs you could choose, so there you go.

Your default. Do you remember with the other two? I do not. remember, but he's like, oh, no, I would have... Running down a dream. Dust in the wind. Yeah. Oh, dust in the wind's a good one. That's if it doesn't go well. Hey.

Well, we still have it if you want it. I mean, we'll charge you the same amount of money. It won't be anymore. We'll be anymore. But yeah, so he's like, Tucci's like, we got to destroy everything and Platt's like everything. And Tucci's like, he said we got to destroy all the evidence, which also means they are planning to burn dogs in this thing.

Certainly, of course. Get the puppies. And the family shows a very great line here. Bring me the St. Bernard for the ammo test. And bring me a little one for the chemical test. Good God, man. Apparently a cute little Jack Russell Terrier will burn and scream if it's put to sulfuric acid. Put that down on your report there.

It is just, it is amazing that like the shit has hit. the fan. It's not impossible that this family's call on the cops on him at this moment. He's already instructed to burn the evidence, but he wants to get these two final tests out of the way. What documentation is he providing

the ballistics company? Doghead exploded? I can write that right now. I don't even need to shoot a dog in the head with an explosive bullet to see. Do you need like the splatter range? Are we doing like Dexter forensic shit? Oh yeah. That's the information that needs to be passed on.

and I guess they are willing to sacrifice dogs for it. It would be different for the people. I mean, I know ballistic stummies are expensive, but Jesus H. Christ, dude. Can't be that expensive. I'm sorry. Cannot be. And also, you want to put your bullet company at risk with this by shooting a fucking dog in that. You were selling videos of it.

The contract's over. I'm sorry. Yeah, exactly. Are you crazy? So Groden somehow gets on like the roof of this building and spies them through the skylight. Sure. and does a fucking totally not Charles Groton move and jumps through a window to tackle these guys.

To stop them just in time. Yeah, his Varnik's about to pull the trigger. And, oh, Wishbone. Oh, yeah, Chris Gavin. He gets him, does he not? Well, yes, he does. Wishbone gets out of his cage and goes straight for the nuts. Just right, straight for it.

And he's a little bit of cockhead too, yeah. Oh, you probably got a little bit. I mean, it's just a bite at the crotch. You don't really know what's in there. But, like, Oh, he's specifically biting my cockhead. But the dog does what dogs do, and they're smart to do it. You just let your weight hang.

Oh, yeah. You just let it. You don't got to go totally limp. You don't got to go a second bite. You don't get to get more in there. You just got to make this yank off as hard as you can. Oh, that's even worse because I have a Prince Albert. Jesus Christ.

Ah, er, ah. All I knew I shouldn't have gotten that last week. Oh, man, just a little sensitive down there. Now just picturing Varnick going into some piercing places, some old man, yeah, I want to fucking stud in my dick to it. And I mean, he's not come, whatever, whatever the needles going into his chest do to him, whatever's happening there. Deceased.

He's already dead from whatever the bleed out is on his cross. Because it's like four, it's like a, it's a slasher movie killing. All these needles in his chest. And he goes, oh, and his eyes are open. So, like, the joke is like, oh, man, he's just funny chemicals. Either that or maybe he turns into Super Varnick and, like, you get Kevin Nash in there and he's, like, smashing things. See, that's what it is, dude, because what makes the needles go into him is the kid, Ted does a, we're going in and drives the family station wagon through the door and it hits the table and they all go in. But it should be he gets hit with the stuff some other way.

Maybe Charles Gruden pushes him on top of the needles or something. he turns into Super Varnik Swap in Kevin Nash They're about to get Super Varnik's about to lay the death blow on Charles Groton And then it's hold on everybody The station wagon flies through the window And nails Super Varnik

I was gonna do I was in I was gonna do Beethoven But then they had this whole body horror element That they wanted to bring in at the end Where the Varnik would turn into a monster And I just didn't feel like the family movie I was in for anymore So that's why Gregory Peck

stopped playing Varning. So, you know, the day is saved and whatever. They're just letting all these dogs out of the cages, like, let them run. Like, no, just wait for the authority. This is what animal control is for, literally. And they're chasing Tucci. Because again, like, oh, shit, we forgot to do anything with Stanley Tucci and Oliver

Platt. And again, they weren't big names. But, like, they are your Harry and Marve. There should be something silly that happens. And that's this, which is a chase scene through like a night market situation. Yeah, I don't know where this was supposed to be. I do love the one little dogs running with a head of lettuce. That was very funny.

That made me laugh. But they wound up running over. They're afraid of all these dogs. They jump over into the junkyard. And you need to have the lady come back to really sell this. Yes. What's that noise out there? Sick of boys.

Something like that. But no, it's just two junkyard dogs, Rottweilers. And, you know. Dobermans. Dobermans. And they just jump and, you know, get a POV scream shot. They're holding hands. It is the, like, all right, Stan Lee, this has to be the highest of the high-pitched screams in the movie.

Are you ready to go? Yeah, I got it. I mean, it is a real eke, you know. Cut to the local news. They are being arrested for 147 counts of animal abuse. Now, my question is, I guess, is animal murder and animal abuse the same charge or? I don't know how they love that. There's not like animal homicide.

Like, there should be. There is. Yeah, it's probably just all labeled. under abuse. Yes, I think that's kind of one big umbrella. So we would just to let you know that this guy has killed hundreds of animals, hundreds. Yes. That's just the ones they can prove.

That's 147, the ones they can prove. But yeah, I love, you know, he's not just some dog who wandered off the street. He's part of the family. And then this newscaster's like, oh, have you always been a dog lover? And it's a very funny Charles Groton. And it's like, cuts away.

I am now or something like, whatever. He doesn't say anything and then like Beethoven barks into the microphone. Oh, that's fun. I just want to I want a cutaway scene of like Sam Waterson and Angie Harmon and be like, it's not the deal I want, okay?

It's just that I have to take. All right? I can't prove that he killed the other 200. Waterston would be pushing for the death penalty on this guy though. He did that quite a lot. He was very into that. He loved it. He loved the death penalty in that. New York had the death penalty for exactly

nine years during that Law & Order run and every time, Jay Walker, or no, he was pushing for the death penalty. Adam, we have to kill them. He was just ready to fucking put people to death, dude. It's crazy. So everybody's getting to bed. Mark calls Rice because he saw her on TV

there. He asks her out. Oh, isn't that great? Do you think he's wearing a shirt when he does that or not? No, no way. He better not be. Definitely not. Hey, hey, if you're going to call my daughter, you better to be sweaty and shirtless while you're doing it. I could smell it from here. and then like the last gag is Bonnie Hunt and Charles Gordon are going to bed

good night Beethoven good night Wishbone good night the gag is 30 other dogs in the room and then ha ha that's the end of the movie it's like Will and Hannibal he's just got a whole fucking house now yes yes he does have a lot of dogs in that show

end of the credits I realized I never watched the credits all the way through to Beethoven there's a nice shot at the very end of like sort of a sunset and there's a big rock and Beethoven is like shot, he's standing on the rock like in silhouette. And it just looks very nice. This is a very nice

shot. He doesn't do anything funny, but just kind of the end of it. But that is the end of 1992's Beethoven. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts. Chris Cabin. It's a bit of a see it to believe it for me just because you can't, you cannot imagine that like you were allowed to like

get this kind of dark violence into these movies like this. Like it really is just one of those flavors. Like, oh, I'm going to put a candy. and the inside of it tastes like a chicken. I'm like, what? Why is this happening? Like, it's so bewildering that they allow all this,

but it does keep on happening. You know what? I'm a sucker for just good dog shots. There's a lot of good Beethoven dog shots. Charles Groton, I love Charles Grotin. So I was like, as a kid, I loved this just because I thought he was so funny. Oh, yeah.

But, like, now, like, of course, I don't think if I had kids, I would show them this. I'd probably want to keep him away from this as far as long as I can. Until they were like preteens, I'm like, there's some stuff in here. I don't think a kid would be reacting well to. I would keep it for a while. But yeah, I think you should see it if you have the stomach for it. Steve Sadek, you got the stomach for it?

I do. Yeah, it's a light recommend. It is definitely a seeing this believing. I don't know if you'd want to watch this with your kids to be quite honest. I think it's for you childless listeners out there in Radio Land like us. I don't know if you've got little kids, they should watch it. hilariously, I have this movie on VHS. I have two younger brothers who were in their 20s.

They came in my house a couple of, a couple of last year or whatever. And they were just looking at, wow, you have all these VHS if you watch us. I was like, well, yeah, because like a lot of the stuff, you know,

you can't really, a lot of stuff is really on stream. You can't really get it. It's like stuff that's been forgotten or whatever. And he's like, right. You got Beethoven. And I was like,

ha, it was like fucking bird. I was like, yeah, well, uh, uh, from the mouse of babes.

Uh-huh. Got nothing. Yeah, you know, I'll say a couple of things. I think it's a recommend, like a soft recommend. I don't, going back to it, I didn't feel the nostalgia that I thought I would. I mean, it's there and we had a lot of fun watching it. Growing up, I will say, though, I don't know, like, I watched it as a kid and I was fine. I think I'm going to be the lone childless person who's like, show your kids this movie.

There you go. They're like, I'll like eight and up. You know, like, let's put a little, an age thing on it, like it's a fucking Mattel board game or something like that. Perfect for ages 8 and up. I saw it at 8. I think that would have put my little sister at 5 maybe. She was able to hang with it.

But I don't know, maybe check out that sequel. Maybe the summer vacation vibes do it for you a little more. Much lighter. We're not trying to kill anybody in that movie, but we are preventing sexual assault from happening, which is an interesting thing. But I remember watching that as a kid

and understanding like, oh, this boy is doing stuff that she doesn't want and Beethoven's saving the day. So I was even able to process that. I don't know. I think you could maybe risk it. If it seems like it's getting a little dicey, you can always turn it off. Or put one of these later sequels on where he's voiced by Tom Arnold and

Jonathan Silverman's around in some of them. Because you know the more like air bud the franchise will get, the safer the content will get. But for 1992's Beethoven, I don't know. It is a seeing as believing, if anything. That must have been a rude awakening for Jonathan

and Silverman, when you find out you're the one who gets it after Judge Reinhold. Yes. That must have really, that must have been a week that he remembers, man. There's a ladder and fucking, I mean, it's right. It's Charles Gordon's here. No, no, it's correct. Then Reinhold and then there's Silverman

somewhere beneath him. Oh boy. Yep. I think Reinhold is playing Groden's brother. Sure. That sounds right. Maybe. Maybe. But then eventually, of course, like all of these things, Beethoven gets into like animal acting in some of these sequels. And I believe Jonathan

Silverman plays like an animal trainer. That makes sense. Who's like getting Beethoven gigs or something in the two of those movies. This must be one of the, I mean, obviously Home Alone is the most profitable, but in terms of the John Hughes checks for shit, I had nothing to do with. These things

were happening at all every other year for a while. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think there was a Beethoven movie as recently as like 2006 or something. Maybe even 2011 or something. I think 2011 sounds right, I think. Yeah. There's like, came on like a fucking pirate ship or something? Sure.

The treasure, something treasure, yeah. Yes, here it is. It's 2000, oh, Jesus, 2014's. Wowsers. Beethoven's Treasure Tale. Oh, boy. Oh, Jeffrey Combs. Oh, and Jonathan Silverman returning.

Uh-oh. Christy Swanson, look out. David Deloese. Now, Beethoven. The guy who played Babu on Seinfeld, Udo Kier, Colin Mocker. Oh, Beethoven, you know you can't trust the government. Morgan Fairchild, this cast just keeps going.

I thought you're going to say Morgan Freeman. I don't know about that, Beethoven. Get away from there. Treasters is not down there, Beethoven. Anyway, that is going to do it for our conversation on Beethoven. As always, if you want more We Hate Movies, check out the Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies where you can get this very Beethoven conversation ad-free. That's right.

All the jokes, none of the commercials over on Patreon. this month. We are in the month of July, which means, of course, on the We Love Movies selection this month, we were celebrating the 50th anniversary of the birth of the modern Hollywood blockbuster. Talking Jaws. It was a highly anticipated episode, very well received, loving

the excitement about Jaws. Absolutely. We did an animation damnation on Fantastic Four, the Mole Man episode of the 1990s. That's a lot of fun. There's a Rosead Bar joke in there for some reason, not by us, by the show. A very weird one. I'm just putting it out there. Yeah, yeah.

Incredibly strange one, I'll say. We're also, of course, back with Melro 210. Melro, it's really heating up in Melro. In 90210,0, it's going bad. This was a bad episode, but we had a great time talking about it. Absolutely. And if you're listening to this Beethoven episode on the day it comes out, which is July 8th, that Melro 210 episode is just a few short days away, folks.

We also did a Gleap Glossary on Admiral Piet. That's the one of them there. I think he's the one in the snow. Eric will tell you, but I think he's at an AT-A-T at some point. That sounds right. Possibly, yeah, I don't know. Oh, that could be. And don't forget, folks, in just a few short days,

we were going to be at the Oxford Comedy Festival, the 18th through the 20th, six shows, three nights, a couple of them fuckers are sold out already. Head over to the website to see what's left, WHMpodcast.com. That is going to be a lot of fun. We want to see you there in Oxford. But that is going to do it for this episode. As always, we like to say, though, every Tuesday,

brand spanking new episode of We Hate Movies Ready to Rock and Roll, Steve Sadek. What comic book related movie are we talking about next week? Oh, it's the good old days, the bad days, y'all are nothing days. We're going to Sin City. Oh, yeah. It's been a while for me and Sin City. Dude, I believe I did not yet have a college diploma the last time I watched this movie.

Yeah. When did you last go back to it? I think I went about like five years ago, maybe. I remember, I think it was like 2011 for whatever. So that's now a lot. Oh, okay. A lot. Yeah.

Yeah, I just remember when this movie came out, I got really into the comics. I read every single word of whatever was available. I was so into it. They're fun comics, you know, for sure. And the movie, and the movie I remember liking. I know it's fun. Yeah. It's going to be one of those middle, it's, you know, a W.L with an eye next to it, like movies.

It's kind of a deal. Yeah. So until next week, when we hit the road for Sin City, I've been Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.