We Hate Movies - S15 Ep817: Quantum of Solace (Live in Oxford, UK)

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Recorded July 18, 2025 at the Old Fire Station Theatre - Oxford, UK “I do think, every time you need to sing the title!” - Steve on Bond theme songs On this week’s Summer Live episode, it’s our piping-hot pod straight out of Oxford all about the second Daniel Craig Bond film, Quantum of Solace! Why did they think they needed to chase the Jason Bourne movies, thus altering the very DNA of this franchise? Why is this movie so far up Casino Royale’s ass? Why couldn’t Mathieu Amalric get a dang parlor scene? And couldn’t they have thought of a more exciting villain lair than an empty hotel in the middle of the desert? PLUS: M’s boyfriend has some snack requests!  Quantum of Solace stars Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric, Giancarlo Giannini, Gemma Arterton, Jeffrey Wright, David Harbour, Jesper Christensen, Anatole Taubman, Rory Kinnear, and Dame Judi Dench as M; directed by Marc Forster. This episode is brought to you in part by Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney dot com slash whm today. That’s RocketMoney dot com slash whm. RocketMoney dot com slash whm. Don’t sleep on snagging your tickets to our 15th Anniversary show this December where we’re talking all things Arnold in Total Recall! It’s gonna be a gas and we wanna see you there! Click through for tickets now! Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Thank you. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And... ...when... ...with... ...wee...

...the... ...and... ...and... ...the... ...the... ...the... Oh, man, it is getting now into later August, and let me tell you, the pit stains are starting to not wash out of the t-shirts.

Eric, the onion rings, too. I think we need some onion rings, too. All right, all right. All right. I'm going back from the hot dog stand. Well, that's the problem is you keep bringing all these deep fried food. It's so hot out. What are you doing? Get me on a fucking watermelon, please. Come on. All you guys turned to me and said, Utah get me two. So now walking over here with what is it? Six hot dogs?

Hell yeah. Steve, you did say you wanted two. I don't want that to get lost. It's fair. Notice I'm not complaining about the delicious treats. I think this is too, too many. Well, welcome in. is we divvy up our hot dog lunch here, you guys. This is to welcome you to an episode of a live recording.

And why we're doing it this way is because we don't quite know yet which one from our performance at the Oxford Comedy Festival. We're going to slot in. It's going to be the one that sounded the best. It's the title of this episode. So you know we best. Oh, I guess that's true. Yeah, I didn't think of it that way.

I'm not going to title this mystery episode. Or maybe I should. It's just a bunch of question marks. Episode 8, whatever, question marks. For all we know, all those episodes sounded great. And for all we know, they all never happened or whatever. So trust me, you're listening to something coming up. What's fun is that we're going to get to be surprised.

Yes, that's true. You already know, we get to be surprised in this one. Boy, howdy, do I have a surprise for you, folks. The tickets are on sale now for our 15th anniversary show on Total Recall. Oh, yeah. Howdy, Quaid. Exactly. Look how great this is. If you like these live episodes, imagine being there. You'll shit. You will shit. And somebody else will clean it up.

Oh, that's so great. That's why I leave the house. Somebody else has to clean. There you go. That's a reason to get yourself out the door Saturday, December 6th. Doors at 7 shows at 7.30 at the bell house in Brooklyn, New York. Beautiful Brooklyn, New York. You will shit at the bell house this December 6th. Yes, exactly. Tickets on sale. Now, as I've said, WHMpodcast.com slash tour for all information. But that's not all we got going on now, is it, fellas? No, sir.

Over on the Patreon, we are doing all kinds of shit. We are starting off with the We Love Movies on That is God damn right, Casino Royale. Oh, that was a fun one. Long time coming. Oh, yeah. We had not rewatched it in a long time, so it was nice to revisit. it that is out now along with oh my god once in a lifetime you guys the client list that's right jennifer love having to turn to a rub and tug operation to help her family because her husband

is just a real loser it turns out yeah bad knees watch out folks bad knees really do it uh you know it's great knees invaders him uh because he was running all through the early aughts wasn't he like he was doing well you could not get away from this guy I've never seen the show None of us have seen the show. We're going to start with a pilot. The Nightmare Begins. It'll be a fun like investigation. Maybe we'll love it.

Maybe we'll have some problems. We're going to find out on the animation damnation. Most of them, I know about this little guy is all the bad tattoos I've seen him on. Yeah. But you're going to figure that out with us just this Thursday, as a matter of fact, August the 21st, that animation damnation is dropping. Incredible. And then, of course, we've got the Gleap Glossary on Darth Mall. That's going to be a lot of fun.

I always. forget it's face paint or it's a face tattoo? He went to a carnival and they got his face painted with some kids. It was a basketball first, right? And then it turned into that. Yeah, exactly. And then he was a big cat.

You, Jaden, you get the butterfly. I'll get the cool God smack tattoo face thing. It'll all work out. So that's our Star Wars sideshow where we just talk about the old EU and stuff. So it's going to be fun to read about Darth Mall of what they

originally conceived him he was supposed to die in the first movie oh great okay yeah I know that because they cut him in half and he fell down a fucking shaft thousands of feet I didn't expect him to survive no nobody but somehow Darth Mall returned so tune

into that Gleap Glossor that's right and that's coming out next Thursday the 28th and then next Friday the 29th you guys it is it is sci-fi week on the show because we're also doing our Star Trek recap show The Nexus where this month. We're going to be talking about a Toastas episode, The Time Trap, in where, that's right,

Klingons and the Enterprise crew stuck in a time warp and they have to work together to get out of it. I will wish for a time warp because on TNG we are unfortunately talking about a try episode. Oh, brutal. Brutal. Hold on this. I look at the Wikipedia article and all I see is a hyperlink to ritual suicide. Hold on. I like where this is going. For after show consideration, I assume. You know, at this beach is a perfect place.

Oh, it is beautiful. But yes, anyway, Steve's going to do some weird Wikipediaing here, and we're going to get to the bottom of that. But please now enjoy us talking about a live episode from the Oxford Comedy Festival, and we'll figure out together in about a month from now. All right, enjoy. I don't know.

Pee-chee. I was just to find out. What a bitch, I'm a bitch, What a misleading trailer? What a missleading trailer? It's exciting and fun! I would like to congratulate whoever the shit caught that trailer for creating this shit cut that trailer for creating this illusion that this movie is exciting in any capacity.

Oxford, what is happening? Yeah, right. Marvelous, marvelous. I'm hoping, I don't know who was in the last show. I promised to sweat less. I really do. Don't say something you can't do that. I bet people from the last show thought I was joking that I was going to wear pants to this one, and I did.

He did. You gotta go to the early show to see the skin Yeah, he was naked in the last one I was naked Nice yams up I learned it from watching James Bond Oh yeah Oh totally

That guy loves to get naked So guys I got some bad news What's that? While Steve was talking I went to open this delicious beer And the ring came off my pudding cake Oh no Oh no

That means you gotta marry it Yeah All right Do you want us to riff while you go downstairs and get a replacement? No, I'm not going to start shaking in a little thing. Okay, we'll see how it goes. I need to check.

If you see me kind of nodding off, though, just, you know, take the proper. The knee and the foot start going a little bit there. What would Bond do? We'd finger it really hard. Oh, wait, hold on. Oh, he's never good. We've got a little magic happening in the crowd.

This is beautiful. Oh, my God, heaven. Oh, bless you. It was that gentleman in the back. God bless you. The gentleman in the back. I saw it all happen. Now I believe in their special relationship

between our countries. So thank you. That's it. this is the new special relationship motherfuckers trading alcohol exactly fuck Clinton and Blair fucking both yeah sure all right get it out of your system

all right that's never getting out we're here to talk about James Bond he probably had to deal with them yeah probably James Bond we'd have to do with Clinton and Blair at some point yeah probably we gotta take down James Bond oh hey baby

getting the auto gyro we're gonna take out Bond baby he's going after Jeff silent We gotta stop Bond. He's gonna bomb little Saint-Germain or whatever the fuck that island's called, baby. Oh, man. Hey, how many of y'all are familiar

with the show we do on the internet? Ooh, I love it. I love it. If you're unfamiliar because someone duped you into coming here. Sorry. No, they're gonna have an awesome time because this is a comedy show

where you take a movie Good Bad or Otherwise, this is bad, and knock it around for a little bit. And that's exactly what we're gonna do. here. We're going to talk about it. We're going to make some jokes. We're going to maybe, I don't know, do some impressions. Some of you may find defensive. We'll see. Sure. And then we're going to close the evening with reading some unhinged movie reviews

from the internet. We do have those. Oh, by the barrelful. We do have business to take care of because we just found this out. I might have been saying Daniel Craig's name wrong all these years. Is that correct? Am I doing this wrong? Philistine. It's Krieg. I'm from the Bronx. We can't read.

None of us can read. Is it? Craig? Craig? Umma, Oprah, umma, Craig. Now, when we do that on the show, do you all know what we're talking about? Uma, Oprah, the famous David Letterman, Oscar Gaff. Yeah, all right. Well, I'm looking up on the internet,

because I'm not gonna spell it out here. Raise your hand if you know how to say it correctly. All right, you, yell it out. Craig. Craig. Craig. All right, Craig. Well, it's Craig.

He's been around for a long time. I've been saying the name wrong for a long time. So we'll do our best, of course, correct. but no promises. You know what? How about James Bond? Oh, there we go. James Bond did this,

and then James Bond appeared in the glass onion, and then James Bond was in queer. Yeah, no, it can all work out. He did all that, yeah, absolutely. He is the most successful, or at least most interesting post-bond acting career. Oh, for sure, yeah. Yeah, it's got to be.

It was, I mean, the guy's so good that it was immediate. Like, you, Pierce Brosnan had to go into exile for like a decade before they allowed him to be good again. Oh, that dude was living in a fucking cave system somewhere. They still made him do Black Adam. They still made him do it. Well, make him do it. Dude, this is how.

You will never finish paying the price for die another day. I'm sorry. It's not going to happen. No. Most of it's not his fault, though. It's that fucking Madonna song. It's, that is pretty hard. And the cameo.

She tried to ruin this country. She did it. She did her best. She did her best to take you guys down and I'm glad she failed. Man, oh man. Guy Ritchie also had to take a decade before he got good again.

He was like, okay, all right, now I can be good again. But so we hire a fella like Mark Forster to do this movie. Now, Mark Forrester, here's the resume that someone looked at and then was like, this guy should take over helming

our big action franchise. No, I don't like it. Mark Forster, before directing this movie, such films as Monsters Ball. Oh, wow. Finding Neverland. I would like to see James Bond in these adventures. Yeah, yeah.

Did he write? Did he, you know, did he dream about magical creatures and stuff like that? He could be in Finding Neverland, I guess. That's true. Stranger than fiction. What happened? What? In Monsters Ball, Hallie Barry famously beats the shit out of a child for candy bars.

Yeah. Much like James Bond's tragic upbringing, I imagine. Oh. Holy shit. Vote to self. Rewatch Monsters Ball. That sounds awesome. Eric.

You know what else is in that movie, Eric, that you love? Slappin'ass. That I remember. Billy Bob Thornton, one of your favorites also. Oh, dude. Okay, though the shit list continues. Oh, please. Stranger than fiction, that fucking terrible

Will Ferrell movie? And then the kite runner Yeah. Yeah, real action-packed. And then he gets this movie. So I don't know what the shit was going on. You got nominated for an Oscar again, so we'll give it to you.

That's what happened, right? Because also, a better director that y'all produced was the late Roger Michelle, who was supposed to do this movie. But again, Notting Hill, Enduring Love, which was with Daniel Craig, so, you know, I guess. Venus with Peter O'Toole, what do you remember there, she? Oh, no, I was just imagining. If he directed this movie, it would be, I'm just a girl covered in oil just sitting on your bed. Drowning from the inside out, et cetera. How about Hugh Grant is James Bond?

That'd be something right. Oh, my God, that would bring the whole thing to its knees. The whole fucking Enterprise would shuddered. He slept with some interesting women on Hollywood Boulevard. Who did? Morning Glory, the Harrison Ford Newscaster show. I thought that was something completely different. I thought there was a hole in one there.

Oasis documentary either. Hyde Park on the Hudson, where Bill Murray gets jerked off by his cousin. Yep. He's also playing FDR, by the way. Yeah, of course. So FDR is getting jerked off, I guess. Wow. Oh, and The Weekend, which was his last really good movie.

But again, not a dude you expect to be directing action sequences, explosions, and whatnot, you know? So instantly, this movie's fucked. It's so fucked just from the director alone. It tricks you because it starts off with a pretty good action sequence, one that starts in the middle, where you almost want an interior monologue of James Bond. Like, you're wondering how I got it? in this situation. Previously on James Bond. What you have to remember

as you watch this car chase because it's pretty brutal and it's all downhill from here folks. This is really the masterpiece if there is one. There is a 79-year-old man in the trunk. That's a good point.

Being bumped around. Shot at. I do appreciate that this movie starts with a wreck because it is a wreck. That's true. but also this movie and this is the whole thing with these you know these Daniel C. movies

that he made. There you go. That's how I got around that and it sounds worse. Sure. It does. It sounds like you're insulting him real bad. It's a real Daniel C if you know what I mean. Jesus Christ. Here comes Daniel C. And I don't know how

Bond fans out there feel about this but I think that the decision to make these five movies connect in one long arc and reveal his back story some of the biggest bullshit motion pictures ever came up with. Pretty bad. And it forces you to really, like, give a shit about re-watching the last one before you get to this one. And it's so, Casino Royale is so ingrained into the DNA of this movie.

You hit it on the head. It's like a B-side of a way better bond movie. Yeah, it is. Like, a record sells a certain amount. You get a deluxe edition. And this thing is covered in just, like, live tracks, B-sides, demo. Scratch Tracks. That's it.

That's all this is. It's all the version, everything that comes after you are like, oh, here's a successful film, Casino Royale. It rocks. How about we make the shitty one? Even in the- All the shitty parts that we left out, why don't we just close all them up? And one of the ways it feels like scraps, too, is it's an hour and 45 minutes, which is a real deal with the devil. Because on the one hand, nice.

Yes. Under two hours, beautiful. This really needs to be highlighted. This movie's under two. two hours and it's a James Bond film. That gives it so much credit. That is like a full star up. That is unbelievable that you got that to happen.

But you have to sacrifice shit like, you know, competently edited action sequence. Sure. Characters completing sentences. Yeah. It's true. A story I give a shit about it. Yeah. It's awesome.

Almaric doesn't even get like a parlor scene in the movie. It's just way too connected to the other one too. It's like, oh, Mr. Who? Just do the previously on. I know you think you're better than it. Catch me up with the last adventure. You could have, because this great car chase happens, and we end up, and I think we're in Italy at this beginning. Well, hold on, in the car chase, he's on the highway, and then he, like, takes a left and he's in a quarry?

I found that. I don't know. Something about that just drove me nuts. I don't know. I've never been to Italy. I don't know. Maybe that's how they do things over there. It is like that.

Roadside quarries instead of 7-Elevens? Steve, I hate to break it to you, but it is kind of like that. Okay, right. James just need to get his rocks off. Oh. On the side of the road, okay. But you know what? Morecoming.

Oh, More Coming is there. See, I can do it too. Morecoming is one of the characters, right? Yeah, Holly Moorecoming. But that's the other thing. I mean, the whole arc of these modern movies thinks they're too cool to be a Bond movie. And that's a big problem.

Because if you're making something that you think is traditionally stupid or cheesy, you're not going to have the love for it. in the same way. And, like, they did produce a couple of good ones with this guy, but, like, the overall seriousness and everything, like, you have the thing, like, Fields in this movie, right? Gemma Ardodden's character.

Strawberry Fields? Which they never fucking say in the movie, man. That's a credit only thing. I mean, you're supposed to walk in and see your dead body and say, Strawberry Fields for never? Oh, see, if Bond walked into the hotel room and said that, that'd be... Honestly, that's an extra

half star, because that is a... It is such a cold-ass thing to make a joke like that right? Em would be like, oh, please. My God. That's absurd. Em just starts throwing out. What?

I already visited her octopusy's garden. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. That's true. Oh, shit. It's true. But that trunk opens, and it's just like, hey, everybody remember Mr. White?

No? The guy standing in the background laughing in the last movie when Bond's getting his balls whipped in the backless chair? You don't remember that guy? Remember the guy in the background from all those years ago? And also, like, we don't even resolve the Mr. White issue in this movie, or even in this scene.

And he doesn't come back until Spector. So he just goes to like, Jesus Christ. What a waste of time. It's all so bad. And also, just the weirdness of, like, we can't legally say Spector's or we're just spitting a bunch of bullshit for three movies. It's quantum. That's, don't work. That'll do for now.

It's quantum. That's the group. They should have done the kill bill thing When you just bleep it every time I would like that I would like that Yeah just a big like black rectangle Goes over their face

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That is RocketMoney.com slash WHM.RocketMoney.com slash WHM, which stands for We Hate Movies. But yeah, they're about to torture him in an Italian wine cellar or something. I don't know. That's exciting. Well, I mean, James Bond, of course, gets directly off the road, gets straight to the booze. It's a B-line, right to it. Wouldn't you? Well, there's a turncoat in the corner.

Oh, well, sure. My, my, my, my, Mitchell. It has to turn. Well, it's so great because Mitchell is about to turn. He's a brand new character. Mitchell. And to let you know. I iconic character in the James Bond front of shot.

Dude, I had the Mitchell trading card. this movie came out. Fucking loved Mitchell. I was more of a Slate guy. Oh, Slate also classic Bond villain. But he everyone's like, oh hey Mitchell, hi Mitchell. Hey Mitchell. He was popular and he still turned on them. They did. It's, that's how

you know that he's about to get up to some shady shit because otherwise it would just be like you boy, go do the security rounds. You know, Judy Denton is just yelling at this guy. But the fact that at least, like, no fewer than three people say this dude's name. I'm like, he's crooked. I didn't think it's coming like right now, but I mean, it is a real fast turnaround on Mitchell.

If Murdoch had gotten a hold of this, MI6 would have to be closed down. He was your bodyguard for five fucking years. Real embarrassing. Get out of the job now. We're not waiting for Ray Fines. You get out now. M is a bit blundering in this one. It's kind of great.

They're like torturing Mr. White. And they're like, who do you work for? What's going on? And he's like laughing because he's like, oh, we were always afraid that you were on. to us. You had no idea. And then she's like, well, we're fast learners. Well, uh, uh,

uh, uh, why don't you tell me what you don't think I know? Great comeback, right? Now, if they sacked her, right? If she was fired, yeah. Yeah. Would it just be known as I-6? I don't know what any... Oh, so you think, you think the M in M-I-6 is the M the M... I don't know.

M featuring I-6. Is that how that's... Is that an M-per-sand in between there? Oh, sorry, sorry, I don't know. What is it? Is it Mission Impossible Six? Yeah, it's an Mission Impossible thing. Yep, totally. Okay. You didn't know that?

Come on now. Does anyone know? What does it actually stand for? Do you know? Military intelligence, I believe. Six? I didn't fucking come up with the agency, me. I don't know.

Maybe the sixth iteration? I don't know, Eric. I really don't. Spector or Quantum got to the other one, and now we're up to six? Yes. And then wouldn't he, double seven being, am I seven? No, no, no. There's a bunch of double O's, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is something to take off a hankership for. Famously, Sean Bean is a double-O. That's right. It makes sense for him to be in MI6 because he's 00-6. She's so bad at her job. Em gets shot in the chest right here by her own bodyguard.

It's better than the rest of the dudes in the room. He drops like six fuckers right here. It's great. And I'm sure it had nothing to do with the booze. No, no, no. The two belts of scotch as soon as you get off the road certainly helps you. That's what I did when I got here. It helps.

And we're chasing through the Italian piazza. It's a beautiful chase here, foot chase. This movie has seen the Jason Bourne movies a few times. Oh, has it now? Just a few times. You don't say. Yeah. Yeah, the writer saw it, the fucking editor saw it, the cinematographer.

I mean, my God, we were trying to chase this franchise. When you didn't have to. No. You have one of the best franchises of all time. You kicked off the next generation of it with an awesome movie. What are you doing? this for. Yeah, this cavern we're running through. He runs out then

into this horse race. A bystander to get shot, I thought we were at a Trump rally watching. There is a really great moment here where, like, Bond is running up a staircase or something, and there's, like, this little old Italian nona, like, carrying a basket of tomatoes. He pushes that old bitch

out of the way. That will get you the death penalty in Italy, is making an old Italian woman drop her tomatoes. You're not allowed to do it. What they did to that poor Amanda Knox. She was too... She was too pretty to face justice.

Did she drop the cherries, too? I actually don't remember the details. Certainly not. You certainly don't. But we have a Jason Bourne fight on the roof. That's kind of something. It's not too bad. It's like exactly from Bourne supremacy.

It's insane. And these Spanish tiles is fine. When will people learn? You can't put that on a roof. Well, I think it's a really great anti-chase scene device that you can put on your roof because everyone's always sliding off them. Well, people stop running on my roof. I'm going to put those tiles up.

That's it. I warned you. Spanish tile time. And they slip and fall. And they start to have it. Oh, my God. It's a scaffolding match. My God.

That Piazza ain't going to look right tonight. My God, that Nona is dead. James Bond pushed that Nona right down the stairs. Elbow drop off the top of the restoration rig. By God, they turned into CGI animation right when they fell through that winder. By God, the editing's so shitty, I don't even know what's going on anymore. Who's the good guy? I might as well close my gosh darn eyes.

I can't see shit in this movie. Is he the Mitchell? Is he the Mitchell? Mitchell I-6. You know what? That's what it actually is. He's going to be promoted to Mitchell Isles. Yeah, everyone should be named.

I want it named after my turncoat. Every single person should have an M name like a creepy family, you know? These creeps that name all their kids the same. Like George Forbin. So how about this? That almost happened in my family. Oh, my father's Andrew. My mother's Amy.

I'm Andrew. And then when my brother was born, my mom was like, oh, maybe we should do an A. And my father put a stop to that shit. He knew it was weird. It's the right time to stop it right then. I just cut it right off. Yeah.

But this fight scene actually ends and you have to wonder like different versions of the script like what was going on because this ends with a really awesome Bond is hanging like by his leg on this rope and he's swinging around trying to like he's put his fingers

with his broken glass to get this gun and he gets it at the last second and he looks up and the shot is looking down on Bond and he shoots Mitchell. That is how you end. a bond cold open and then your credit start and Jack White can sing his heart out with Alicia Keys and it's fine

but it's just insane that that's left in as like a great bond like closing of a cold open but it's not and you get these beautiful blue eyes right there piercing right at you I need if you're not going to go straight to the song what I need is at least the guys who are doing this restoration job

coming back from lunch being what the fuck! What the fuck happened? Oh I believe you mean mamami Also Or so I've heard Sure I like the song

It's like it's your later period Jack White's a totally Inessential but fun I like this whole opening animation Because it's like I must say dune sea But I guess it's a desert right Yeah you call out a desert

Oh the desert of Iraqis There is some dune stuff in the movie But then you get to see all these giant women There in this sequence Which is amazing Oh my God It's the favorite part of the movie for me

and presumably dozens of others. Can I have that when you're done with it? Roll over me, giant sand woman. Now, honey, actually, now I'm going to have to stay late at the foot fetish factory

once again. We're going through the opening songs for the James Bond things and you're not, you wouldn't believe how many fucking feet are in these things. There's naked women everywhere and the feet are everywhere. Yeah, the

giant sand feet in this one, yep. No, yeah, no. Put the dinner in the oven, I'm going to be home late. Angela's not getting bath time with daddy. That's not happening tonight. There is a scene where Judy Dench almost goes in the bath. Thank God you don't see her feet. Thank God. I'd be here all week. I'd never leave.

They've been trying to get her feet for years. They have. They've eluded them for decades. Chronicles of Riddick, they were like, what's going on? I don't want to be looking at post-apocalypse alien feet, though. Dude, you know those people aren't bathing. Big-time webbed as well. Mutations, definitely.

But again, though, oh, my God, her webbed, mutated feet. Is, in Shakespeare in love, does she show her feet, I forget? I don't think so. I don't know, boss. I guess I'll look it up. Jesus Christ. You know, the most fucking shit. That's what got her the Oscar. Oh, okay.

It wasn't the performance so much as the Tootsies. Yeah, exactly. No. But this bathtub pissed me off. I'll tell you what. Oh, my goodness gracious. What, M's Bathurst's? Yes, it's too nice. You're a government employee. What are you doing?

You're living on the government dole. You know what? Leave her alone. She's about to get laid by possibly her husband. I don't know who this. Oh, yeah. The captioning says, man is in there. I love that the phone ringing at M's apartment, you just hear some dude voice go, I believe that's your line. Because he knows he's Mr. M, man, and nobody gives a shit about Mr. M. But M is the shit.

Vote for you, babe. Spy. No, it's another one. of a spy. That would be great if you saw Mr. M. and it's just a big fat guy with long, mullity hair and a mustache and he's walking out in a towel like that guy on Sunker. It's a fucking Mike Lee character. She just likes it that way.

He's playing PlayStation 2 all day. I think that's the phone, M. Love you, babe. We are out of beer. Hey, are you going to the office for like spy shit? Yeah. When you come back, though, it's just a beer. It'd be great. When you're done with all you

spy shit. shit. If the shop's still open or six or some shit. You're going out anyway. Yeah, that James Bond's a total dick. You were totally right in that situation. Oh, is that Jim? Yo, Jim! What's up, bro? Gerald says

hello. You know, he's still in between jobs. You know, Jim, we got to get you on the chat. We got to get you on the Xbox and the chat, brother. I love this guy I do I have a rule

about James Bond movies I'm not the world's biggest James Bond guy I do think every time you need to sing the title every single time this is

explain yourself because like Goldfinger great song amazing title song even GoldenE Golden Eye has got your number or whatever that is

how do you explain a way the catastrophe that is die another day You have to die Another day You have to modify my fucking voice It's better than the way What the fuck Mark Rodson was up to

That's for sure I'm not even sure, man Have you heard that song? Which tune are you talking about? The one was, does they do Spector? I don't know anything. Oh, that's a Sam Smith.

That song sucked. Yeah, okay, that's horrible. No, that's not fair. Yeah, so that's that. That was that bit, it just died right there. We are introduced to Rory Keneer in this movie as Tanner. Rory Keneer and his hair, which is exciting. Oh, dude, you can see that shit fighting for its life back in 2008.

I'm not one to talk, but I'm also not in the pictures. I didn't check the years. Is this what got him the pig fucking episode of Black Mirror? This was before that, so possibly. You know what? They saw talent. I'd like to stop whatever got him meant. That's what I would like to do.

Whatever it got that movie made. You know what got him a bad idea? Yeah. It might have been the pig fucking. Yeah, it could have been. He's spectacular as a crooked PM on the diplomat there. He's kind of bringing himself back. But he's a dude who in this movie, I was like, he's crooked, right?

Steve, you had watched the rest of them more recently. They're like, no, he's right up until Bond's funeral at the end. And I was like, what the fuck? How is this guy not crooked? I'm telling you why that is happening is because you want him to be interesting and he is not. That is the simple truth He's not an interesting character He's M's phone boy

It's kind of great M is just like the old lady That doesn't know how to use the phone And it's like get me Bond And he's standing like six inches away from her Like oh well if you hand me your phone mom I will call Bond for you He also like limply always tries to like

Disagree with her for five seconds Like are you sure Don't you think Bond's may be corrupt Of course he's not Okay She dresses his ass down though later in the movie when he calls about Dominic Green or whatever and then he's like well I don't know

that guy's kind of a nobody and she's like the woman transferred me to their South American bureau chief that's important you don't you don't he's adult he's adult that's why you want him to be corrupt because you don't want him to be just adult but it's weird though because every line delivery he has in this movie sounds like at any second he's going to be crooked

it's a lot of like yes I will dial the phone for you there's a lot of weird like smirking happening? I think we're just not used to their accents and stuff, no offense, but, you know, going out to the restaurant yesterday, I thought everyone was like after me as well. Really? Like, that's a crippling later. That doesn't matter what fucking country is. A paranoid man.

You're always being persecuted in your mind. I am. I am. Well, actually, mom, yes, you've got a message from Gerald. It seems that you need to pick up mozzarella sticks on the way home. He can't be bothered, he said. And he specified it's the super long

ones and not the tiny ones. likes them big. You know the ones, babe. It's in the pick package. So they determine that so you got to remember, right, that in the last movie there was a guy named Lushif and he was a money launderer for terrorists. If you don't remember that, this next scene doesn't make any sense. But they're like, oh, we track some of

Lushief's money that we had coded or whatever and a big stack of it just got spent in Port-au-Prince Haiti. Let's go. And the movie takes off to the next Oh, a demo version of idiotic. Okay, great. Fantastic. We always have to remember that he's still very sad about Vesperlind.

Eva Longoria, not even, Eva Green. Eva Green. And just like every five fucking minutes we have to be reminded of that. Just this cry baby shit. And like, I'm sorry. I love these movies

because he's a two-sided nothing that shoots and fucks and drinks. And that's it. I don't need this. How you're feeling? Are you processing the grief? But they are making amends, because they went overboard with fucking Brosnan.

They went... Nungam Dung Deng Nang their name. That exactly. But this is crazy, too, because, like, Em is like... Does he bang her in that movie? I'm sorry, does he have sex with Madonna in that film? No. Oh, they do some fencing, though.

She just dresses him down a little bit. No, no, Kim Jong-il does, I think. Yes. But, uh... There's a North Korean guy in that movie. He turns white. M is like boyfriend tracking, Eva Green, Vesper's

dead boyfriend supposedly dead they find a head that was eaten by fishies but she got a lock of his hair from her house so it's not him and the twist of that turns out it's like you know because in the first movie it's like oh wow you know of course she had a boyfriend you fucking idiot

you're just a piece of ass showing up and then and then the end of this movie it's just like well that was a bad boyfriend that was not the real boyfriend I was the real boyfriend well you have to remember yeah you have to like care about a character who's not in this movie's ex-boyfriend. Yes.

So what does that make us? Nothing. That is exactly, like, it's meaningless. You're in a different movie right now. I don't give a shit about Vesper anymore. James Bond tracks this dude to his cool Haiti hotel, and they have an absolute Jason-born fight. Close quarters, hand-to-hand shit that you have never seen James Bond.

I thought someone was trying to kill somebody in the magazine in that shot. It's not this guy. Slate. Iconic character, Slate. Oh, Slate. How could we forget Slate? The guy who just kind of looks like James Bond. I do like, but this is cold James Bond shit

when he just puts, I think it's like a piece of glass even, right in his femoral artery and like holds his lecum as just like, any second now. You're dead? You're dead now? You bled out? Yeah, come on. That is some fucked up Freddie Kruger's shit, man. There's nothing classy about that kill at all.

If you're doing something like that, you better drink that blood. What are you doing? He might have because it disappears. That's true. It's like, he sucked it up. He was wearing white pants this entire time, which I would never wear. Huge mistake. Dangerous, dangerous for many reasons, but especially when your job is killing people.

Yeah. And you're in dirty places a lot, man. It's all over you. Dirty places, killing people, a sloppy sandwich. Like, nothing about this as white pants now. Well, Mr. Bond, you have blood all over your pants. You clearly killed my henchman, and you should wipe better. Two important things.

His codename is skid marks. Because James Bond is his real name, as you know. Well, so many classic Bond villains, like Jaws, odd jobs, skidmark. I mean, yeah, it's all right there. You need a skid mark. I mean, you need a skid mark in this movie so bad. You need a tough, a David Bautista-sized tough. It doesn't have to be Bautista.

It doesn't have to be that size. But a big boy. A big boy. A big boy. I need a big-payee motherfucker. Absolutely. him because it's nothing. It's this weirdo with the weird hair

piece. He's another dude that is unnamed except for the credits. Apparently that wig wearing motherfuckers named Elvis. Okay. Sure. Why not? Then he needs to have big dumb gold frame sunglasses of fucking punch. Can I get a robot hand? Is that so

fucking difficult? It is now. He should have been killed on the toilet in this movie. Well, I was going to go into his room and strangling but he'd been dead of a heart attack for hours on the can. Job done. He is just like a fucking Jason Vorty's in this. It's like Jason Boren and Jason Vorty's mashed into this James Bond character.

And you have him going up, I'm sorry, I love the man, but Matthew Amarik always looks like a weasel. It is every, he's great in everything. Wiley-looking guy, though. He's always a weasel. And he's a weasel in this movie, and it's not threatening at all. It's just like, ah, yes, we have indeed gotten your goose, haven't we, Mr. Bond, at anything?

He even asked to say, but I want to point a gun at him. He asked Mark Forster to have, like, to have, like, can I shave my head? Can I do, like, can I do something to make this character look like something? No, we want you to look normal, like, cool. No, says I, the director of Finding Neverland. But I at least have, like, a really cool on-screen kill, right? James Bond gets me? No, says I, the director of Monsters Ball.

Off-screen kills! What if I wasn't great at wiping my ass, and every time you knew that it was me because of the brown stained on my pants? Great idea, love, do it. There is a part where, like, a chase... We'll get to it when we get to it, but there's another thing about these pants

that we'll bring back up when it happens. But so, yeah, he realizes, okay, this dude was going to meet someone. There's going to be a drop-off here. Here comes Olga Carolank, we do a little get in only so that when she does a get in later it's half funny

I'm just realizing we're doing a creig again right you guys don't say pants it's trousers right well they understand what I'm saying there's no big mystery about the word pants I don't I haven't heard it while I was here that's all who are you talking to about pants in what situation would you go shopping

when the fuck would you hear someone say that I'm talking to skid marks at the airport I see okay fair enough Oh yeah, so Olga pulls up here and it's a weird Oh, she thinks that he's the other guy. What's his name? Sharp. Slate?

Slate. There it is. A rock. Memoral as fuck. Yeah, so she thinks he's Slate. She thinks that he's going to kill him. She tries to kill him first. It doesn't work out.

He gets out of the car. He literally just gets out of the car. She speeds away and he's like, well, that was kind of funny. What's her problem? He flips this guy. This guy's got back problems for the rest of his. life. Oh, the guy on the motorbike? That's a Terminator movie. He's gone. Don't worry to be back

on wheels soon, a wheelchair. Nailed it. Thank you. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And Bond, you know, goes chasing after her or whatever, and they go to where this is, like, Dominic Green, Matthew Almorique's character, has a little hideout on the docks is going on.

So he sort of spies from afar. You know what the kind of, the walk, the way that this pier goes into this building, you know what it looked like reminded me of, and the folks might not know this, the house that they stayed in in real world Seattle. Yes. And it was on that dock. It looks almost exactly like that, but a little more run down and

filled with more billion. Coming in from a different angle, but yes, it is. What are you talking about your high school graduation? More people are familiar with that. So two people who know what this is are on stage. Hey, wait, hang on. One of the first seasons was a London season. That's fair. They know what it is again. They know what it is.

We're not talking to people who lived a hundred years before us. They know what pants are! And again... I'm afraid they don't laugh. All right, pants versus the house in real world Seattle. Uh-huh.

Quite different, referentially. I'm going to say again here, Steve, this is covering up because the fact because Matthew Amarik is in there practicing his stamping. What is the... I don't know what is... I don't get what this is.

I thought for a rubber stamp and he's like a master forger or something. But he's just kind of learning how to use like an office tool? He's going to be a... public notary at the bank. Oh, okay. That's not bad.

I'm going for my notary license. I have to practice my stamping. Supervillity doesn't always work out. You need a backup. True, very smart. As a super villain, having a notary, being a notary is probably very nice little plus. Yeah, you can forge all sorts of documents. You're good.

Totally. We find out that he is like a very jealous boyfriend of Olga Cariolinko. That's kind of his gimmick here and like he shows her the dude that she was talking to. Oh, the geologist. yeah I don't like when people talk behind my back he's submerged underwater I guess he's dead I mean he doesn't Am I supposed to know this guy

Yeah like what the fuck apparently like She was trying to get information out of him And it was like oh no I was just testing him And listen here's the thing It's a terrible script with massive You know cave size plot holes in it that you can Just fucking dive into and spend hours in being like What is this movie? Where am I going?

We saw a head that was eaten by fishies Why don't I see some fishies nipping at this guy? I would like to see him like that. He's more freshly drowned, Eric. I think that guy had been left in there for a while. I want a, wouldn't you, as a fishy, wouldn't you want a, as a fishy?

Continue, come on. Give it to me. A fresh meat, you know? I don't know. Sure. Well, I can see that. The best part about the fishy part when they're analyzing that on the screen

is its M is talking about it and you see the picture of what went on with this dude's head and she's like, and where to believe a fish? did that. I was like, this lady has seen some shit. The general shows up here basically the Crooked General

killed all the girl's family and he wants to kill her and there's they're going to do a water, a land deal in Bolivia. This is exciting stuff, isn't it? And so like basically she gets given to the general as like kind of like, do whatever you want to her, I'm done. Be sure to just throw her over the side when you are done with her.

for I am also done with her. They are very careful to make sure you hear that he, because her father got killed by the general and he was also a madman in Bolivia apparently.

But they are very careful to be like, he had a Russian wife, so it's okay that we cast Olga Coralenko as a Bolivian. Yep. Bases covered, dude, moving on. Tap, tap, tap.

This is like the boat chase scene, and this movie was written by Paul Haggis at least a little bit which I think he drew upon his experience as leaving Scientology for this boat chase. Sure, of course. That's how they tried to get him. This is great because this is Bond like ruining the livelihood of all these poor working

Haitians because he's driving a motorcycle over their fishing boats. Oh my God. Well, these people are ruined for Queen and Country. Come on. It's just awful. So we got a decent boat chase here and the thing is the three best scenes in this movie are chases. It's

the car chase at the beginning, this boat chase, and then a plane chase. So it's almost a planes, trains, an automobile joke, but not really. But it's just three chases. That's... Oh, look, me. James Bond's just trying to get home for the Thanksgiving. Oh, totally, dude. That's not a thing here.

If anyone loves Turkey Day Moore, I'd love to see it. But James Bond, that guy famously... That's not a... That's not a thing here. Well, that'd be actually great if, you know, how like John Candy is just a big liar in that movie, you know, like, if that's what James Bond is, he's like, oh, I slept with all this woman. No, he

didn't. His wife has been dead for years. Wow, what a pathetic loser. The man's a widower. Oh, so who did you sleep with? Her name was pussy pussy pussy galore. She was called pussy galore. She was sexy, and she was real.

Looking around, seeing a Beatles, Strawberry Feels, had sex with her as well. And I just, I had a date with Rax McPherson. And Zena on a top. Yeah. She's a real girlfriend that I had that was sexy, and I broke up with her. And I'm going to tell you, that was an X in the beginning of that name.

You think it's a Z. It's an X. So we dial back into MI6, and they're like, oh, hey, we noticed that Green is going somewhere. Bond gives the tracking number of the plane. and it's like, oh, he's meeting with some CIA operatives at the moment or whatever, and this is where we get Mr. Beam, played by a not yet famous David Harbor, and Felix Lider, of course, played by the awesome Jeffrey Wright, who is, in my opinion, the best part of all of these movies of the recent slate.

So, yeah, you better fucking kill that guy in the last one, too. Piece of shit, no time to die. Well, you see him with a magnifying in this glass looking for his dialogue. He's like, can I speak? Am I allowed to do something? unfortunate because you have a dude who is awesome as Jeffrey Wright and so much of this movie is him just going

mm-hmm James, I think he's discussing fucking botchalism with David Harbor the fuck do I care kill someone Harbor's also kind of

it's weird because Harbor is doing like a very comedic thing and this movie is devoid of any in all comedy whatsoever so he sticks out like a sore thumb. It's really bad. Although the mustache, pretty primo stuff. That's a nice,

thick one, especially for 2008. Yeah, totally. He was very brave at the time. It's beautiful. Beautiful. Pioneer in mustache relations. You have that mustache now,

dude, you're cleaning up on every street and avenue in the borough of Brooklyn. Absolutely. Still to this day. Oh, my God. Look at that thing. But they sort of,

so their whole thing is, you know, because it's America and they're like, oh, wow, Oil, oil, oil, yeah. You found oil? We want to be your friend. Cool, let's do that.

And Almaric's like, I never said so was oil. I actually wish it was that cartoonish. No, I don't know. Like what I just did. There's no laugh. There's no cackle. No. Yes, I thought that you would like whatever is that.

See, that's the thing is, this movie's all mustache, no twirl. Thank you. Ooh, dude, that's great. Thank you. Shit. Roger Ebert says this. movies. All mustache, no twirl. You can put that on a...

Well, you wouldn't put it on a poster. Let's only put bad quotes on our movie. What you want the poster to do, you understand, is to keep people away from your film. This was my first week at the poster factory. I'm sorry, I did the exact opposite of what we're supposed to be doing here.

Yeah, so then they determined, oh, actually, this flight is registered to a flight to Austria. So off we go to an opera house. We're a scene goes down that the Mission Impossible franchise wound up doing better a few years later in Rogue Nation, but this I think is actually still pretty cool.

The whole production design of the actual opera production looks amazing. They did spend a lot of money here, but I do love the start of this is Bond monitoring the check-in booth and the swag bag situation. Right, and also, you know, sizing up people that are going in to get

changed into tuxedo so you can steal one. Stealing people's clothes, man, that's low. Yes. It's pretty low. And it's, oh, you, you wanted my swag bag, did you, Mr. Bond? Was it, were you looking for this branded water bottle? Yes. Oh, look at this. It's a carabino that says quantum on it.

Pretty cool, Mr. Bond. And these are some cookies for the hotel later. Yes. And, Mr. Bond, there are precisely two free drink tickets. Do not ask for more. A USB drive that you can fill with half a gig. and get a load of this a key chain to let people know

you've been to the opera. It has a bottle opener on it. That's going to come in handy, Mr. Bonn't. You won't be writing your own will without this branded pen. It kind of doesn't work. In this bag of chocolates from Marguerite's. There is a water bottle

that has the logo of quantum on it, but we really just ripped off a Poland spring label and pasted it off. swag bags yeah so they're nice but it's kind of a cool idea is like in the swag bag

is a earpiece because it makes sense until you think about it it's like okay oh don't do that with this movie I know because it's like we want to do this

really evil deal about like it's just land water or oil one of those three things and these all these evil people are talking but they're doing it in public you see

at the opera where no one will know except everyone around I wouldn't be like, shut the fuck up. Could you repeat, repeat, repeat. The fat lady was singing. I did not get that. From Siberia. The Holden's from Siberia. Could you keep it down?

No, kill that guy. I want him dead. Shut up. I'll be done in a minute. I'm on the phone. I'm in ear. This is so much smarter than meeting in a fucking warehouse. Yes. What? What? Two thousand kilometers.

And with that, we will have a straggle. I'm almost done. A stranglehold on the eastern seaboard. I'm sorry, the code was what? Three, five, what? Oh, I'm sorry. It's one minute. Is this the first time you've seen Tosca?

Is this the first time? Then shut up. Andrew, you're in the bathroom. We can hear you. Stop it. Stop it. Who's pissing? Okay, when we take over the entire Eastern Seaboard, two things.

One, definitely enslaving a lot of humanity. Two, we are killing this bitch next to me. It's opera in America. Yes. What that is. But it's kind of clever, and then James Bond is like, you guys should find another place to meet. And it's like, ooh.

That's what I fucking do. And then these. Mr. White didn't listen to me. Dennis, shut up! And these guys are so stupid. I would know to fake the funk, you know, enjoy a little part of the numbers still, and then sneak out to the bathroom later.

You know, everyone just gets up and leaves. That is the funniest part of this. Everybody at the same... Like, they're clearing out because a massive fart happened. Just up and out. And he's clicking the pictures. He's, of course,

he becomes a photojournalist for a minute here. And then he beats up some random guy, the one guy they have going after him. There's a guy going up this stairs. I was like, is he part of the show? Is he doing a lighting cue? I don't think this guy up for. I don't think Bond ever gets like an ID that it's not.

He just jumps on this dude's back and beats the shit out of him. He wanted to fight this guy because he was talking during the opera. And it's his goddamn wife's anniversary. Like, come on. His tickets were expensive. Two months pay on these things. Did you see the production design? So he's dead.

And then they go out. He gets into it with another guy who he throws. off a roof, but he doesn't kill him, so he's learning. But then he lands on Almarieck's car, and he's like, oh, is that one of our guys? No, and he does this, like, paparazzo, like, then he shouldn't be looking at my face! And then they just shoot this dude, and the thing that's weird, and I guess Bond doesn't care, but Bonn gets blamed for the murder

and never corrects the record. And I feel like, if you're on thin ice with your boss, because you keep killing people that you need to interrogate for information, and then a dude gets killed, and it's not your fault and you get blamed for it, you've got to be like, listen, I know the six-month review's coming up. That one back in Austria that fell off the roof, I just dropped him. He was totally alive when he landed on the hood of that car.

Well, you heard him. Take it down from $3,000 to $2,900,000. I'll believe him. Just do it. Only threw him off a roof. That's it. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah, babe. That's James Bond. He's totally killing way too many. You can't know, dude. Hey, you cannot use snipers in this level. You're not allowed to.

You're not allowed. No, no, I'll be with, yeah, the fate of the world. Got it. Fuck you, Jerry. You're not allowed to use this. You shouldn't be camping. It's cheating. Did we refill the monsters, babe?

The white monsters. You know I like the white ones. The tall cats. You know what I like. The energy drink. The energy drink. Babe, who do you think would win? the slappers own the Golden Eye Battle.

Me or Jimmy. Yeah, I know it's weird. I'm talking about a thing that his name's also in in a video game and he exists in this world. Oh, my God, my worlds are converging. I have never been more attracted to you. What the hell? You can't play Slate on here. Or Mitchell.

You got this guy, Dr. Doak. Where's Mitchell? Yeah, babe, I know you got this guy, Donald Gray, that you've got to find. I know it's really important. I know that. But Tony is coming in from Arizona. We met on the chat. I know, can you make the good nachos with the special beef?

Could you, I know it sounds silly, but he really, he's a nacho fanatic. Yeah, we're having a land party, and where's those monsters at? No, I don't want to do it myself, because you know how to work the microwave better than I do, babe. You know that. Come on. I look for a job in the morning. I told you that. look for a job all day. I need to relax. I told you, I didn't intentionally order the

fish and chips pizza. They said it to me because I made a joke. And yeah, I ate it anyway, and I know my farts were horrible that night, but fuck, baby, it was not my fault. If you're going to be that way, you'll take a bath. I don't know why you care so much. I've Dutch-ovened you since we started dating.

I've done that every time. I don't understand why this time it's bad. Hey, babe, quick question. Don't you think this bathtub's a little too nice? for a government employee. Where that monster's at? Clearly, I can afford not to have a job. Babe, these monsters aren't chilled. Are you serious? Put them on ice, babe.

Are they green? They're not the white. Tony doesn't like drinking room temperature monsters, babe. Because then you can taste the monster. And the whole point is to not taste the monster, babe. Is there a monster in the can? Yeah, dude, you didn't know that? I didn't know that. If you drink a warm monster energy drink,

you drink a little monster in there. It needs to be ice-called to be dissolved. Is the next movement of the movie coming up soon? No, no, no. I do have to bring up something against. Sir, could you pick up your hat? We had a... Backstage, we were discussing this very band.

We made a bet if there was going to be someone with Slipknot paraphernalia. And now I owe all three of them $100. And this is not... Thank you. Because there is a slip-not-a-sance happening right now. People are back into slip-knock. And I'm sure Corey and the rest of the gang

love hearing slip-nott-a-sons. They do. Mr. Bond, the game is Slip-Not or not. We all wear a mask, don't we, Mr. Bond? You should be escaping the Slip-Nott-A-Sons, Mr. Bond. So this is the party moment, right? I have no idea earlier. Well, this is, no, this is, because she gets pissed off and she's like, like, like, Dan Hadea and clueless, like, bond, your credit cards are canceled.

Like, because she gets pissed off that dude in Austria died. So it's like, the credit cards are, he's all frozen up, he can't do anything. So he says, okay, tell them I'm going to Cairo and then gives them the slip to go back to Italy to bring out of retirement, Mathis. Giancarla Giannini's character from you guessed it the last movie Who's a guy you famously fucked over? Yeah, yep, and so we have Mathis because Bond set him up and everything

in the last movie, which you have to remember that for this to make sense. He's like, oh, it's nice to see that the Italian government gave you a little we're sorry about all that false imprisonment shit and you have this amazing villa in Italy there's a gorgeous woman here drinking wine with you half naked.

Hey, you want to come to Bolivia with me? and probably die? Sure. I also need to borrow all your credit cards. Oh, okay. I'll pay for first class. It is insane. This woman is laying out in the sun

with a cold glass of wine and she literally says in sexy Italian, I want your hands all over my body. And this dude's like, road trip. Sorry, baby. But here, right? Sorry, babe.

I need to be used as a human shield. and thrown in the garbage by James Bond. I'm going to be quite busy this week. It's a tough job. It is just one of the most, like, almost 30 fucking movies at this point. It is the most undignified death in any of them. My Lord.

He'd be okay with it. He'd be okay being in the garbage, his corpse being in the garbage. He'd be fine with it. So we're on the flight there, and then this is such a bed. edit in the movie because it's like, are we going to go on the adventure? We are. And then we're

at a bar and it looks like are we on a boat? Are we on a plane? Are we in space? Like I have no I thought it would be in a goddamn space station. Yes. But bad editing happens like this where spatial relations break down. You have no idea where the hell the movie just took you like after a cut. It's a huge problem and it happens here.

Like just show me like the outside of an airplane. Yeah. Because this set is cheap as fuck. It's like a black box theater with like a bar and a couple of seats in, like, lie down beds where they're sleeping in the first class. And then this is what I take umbrage with here. There's a bar that's still open in the front of this thing. People are clearly sleeping all around, right? So two things. One, he's been drinking, we're up to six Vesper Martinis. Now, if you don't know the recipe for that, it's three ounces of gin, one ounce of vodka, another, uh, Lillet, uh, whatever the fuck, that's another ounce,

I think, or a half ounce there. That's a lot of booze for a cocktail. He's had six of them. Honestly, Andrew, this makes me very hopeful because you clearly don't understand an alcoholic. No, I understand an alcoholic. I don't understand an alcoholic that's had that much booze and is just totally fun. You need to have him acting a little shitty here, and he's not. Ordering them all shaken.

People are sleeping. That's the other part of it. People are sleeping on this flight. Six fucking times? Come on. I'm sorry, I have to cut you off. It's a red eye, and you're drinking and singing right now. I wish he was singing,

because then I'd be like, that guy's drunk. I want to know we're loving. I want you to show me. I'm just, I'm torn. I want to say. Is that slip-knott? Some garbage can't be beating in the back end. It would be...

I want to deal my gob and bleed you. Down to deal this start of lives. Come on, man. The fucking song rules. So he and Mathis like have a little heart to heart here And it's one of like 13 times in this movie Mathis is like You know you should forgive Vesper in that last movie And you shouldn't feel sad anymore buddy

Is this helping you? Is this therapeutic? Does anyone give a shit? No You know he should look at the camera But now's a great time to go to the bathroom So you need to forgive yourself honestly at this point We know you got a bunch of snacks in you You got to the theater real early

because you were excited to see Jimmy Bond back on screen. You got a big ass soda. I know you got to take a leak. I know you do. I've had six vester martinis. I have to piss my fucking brains out. But I'm stuck in the movie.

You're not. You can get up and go to the bathroom. It's like 10 minutes of Daniel Craig talking at the screen. Fucking great. We go to, where are we now? This is the part. Now I think it's...

Now we get to Bolivia. Yeah, you get to Bolivia. This is where we meet you. The hotel. Oh, this is where he gets snobby about the hotel. Yes. Oh, he gets so snobby up in the hotel, yes. This is so funny.

We meet Fields at the airport. This is Gemma Arderton. And she's like, okay, I am assigned to take you to this hotel. And then tomorrow we are getting your ass back to England. And he's like, okay, yep, sure, sure, sure. And they pull up to this hotel. And it's no great shakes, you know, of course. But whatever.

She's like, hey, this is our cover. We're teachers on sabbatical, yada, yada. And he takes one look around this lobby and it's just like, absolutely not. No, he turns around like Abe Simpson going into the whorehouse just a quick A morgue. He would rather sleep in a morgue.

That's an amazing line. I would rather sleep in a morgue and I'm like, buddy, wait, three more movies, you're going to get your wish. Don't you worry. Actually, he's like dust at the end of that dumb shit so maybe not. A morgue couldn't help him then. But so then, like, we pull up, of course,

this palatial ass hotel and he comes in and he's like, yes, we are two teachers on sabbatical. Also, we have won the lottery. It's the one joke he kind of tells in this movie, and it works, and it makes you realize there should be so much more of it because he's a great actor and he can actually do it. But he's not going to.

Hi, I'm not a spy, and neither is my friend here. You might hear some gunshots. That's because we like to watch loud action movies. Yes. Oh, and this old Italian that's coming in with us, yeah, he's just part of the party, but he's also not a spy. He sits in the chair and watches. It's totally fine.

He watches us. watch movies. We have a DVD of Red Dawn that is eating away through my backpack right now. It's incredible because, like, Gemma already is in this movie. Again, she's almost a bond girl, but like has nothing to do. It's kind of

amazing. Like, he just goes into her, they're in one suite, and then he's in one room, and she's in another, and he goes, huh, I can't seem to find this stationary. And then she looks at him, like, we're going to fuck. And I'm like, wow. I mean, obviously it looks like Daniel Craig. I have too much

ink in my pen, I'm afraid. My pen 15, of course. But, like, there's no... Well done. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well done, dude. He's a classy guy. He's a classic.

MI6, Penn 15. Is that another organization? Special branch. Yeah, it's a special branch. Yeah, exactly. I'm part of Penn 15. Petus Force 15. But there is, like, zero charm to this.

There's zero seduction. It's just like, you come in room. Fuck now. Which is like even cold for Bond, all right? Like, I know he's not the world's greatest romantic, but there's got to be a little something, baby. He's trying to rebounds. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, because he's just so sad. Oh, poor Vesbren drowned in an elevator. Who gives you a fuck? It's a different movie now. She had a boyfriend. She loved more than you. I don't care if he was a double agent or whatever. Or whatever is correct, because I have no fucking clue.

It is kind of great. He answers the door. Gene Carly and Gene NeNe is like, oh, we've been invited to a problem. party because it's a James Bond movie. Get ready for it. And I don't know if he's wearing pants when he answers the door. Like, there's a shirt off.

It's a fuck marathon for sure. Oh yeah. And he goes back to it and she's like oh, I'm going to feel so bad about myself. I'm like, this is a fun movie. Yeah. You want the instant regret to be vocalized in a scene. That really ups the fun. Can I get another

bad fight scene just to pepper this up a little bit? Can we go back to that plane? Could you drink some more Vespers? I can see some people shoved at a party. A lot. How about that? A lot of that. So this is, yes, Dominic Green's Green Planet initiative is throwing this big gala,

and he's trying to get investors for his fake business, which is... Environmentalism, which is fake, which is evil, which is a specter. That's kind of the vibe I got from this. It's just like, you want to give money to environmentalist? Good luck. You know where that's going. Secret water deals. Like, what?

You heard me. Who are you? What? Lizard people and secret water deals Uh-huh That goes So it's a big sexy party And you know

We have the big face off of course Oh Mr. Bond, Mr. Green Hello, yes, okay Having this sort of conversation And it gets right up to He starts roughing up Olga Kirillenko after she Screws this deal where he's trying to

Yes get some more dudes to sign off on his little scheme And then she comes in like kind of wasted Like hey baby And he's like do you know how much money you have just cost me, probably a lot. I won't say how much, and this plan is very vague. He's going to shove her off of a ledge there, and then, like... We're, like, breaking this, like, stone balcony?

Jesus Christ, everything's crumbled. This is very high school. It's shoving, and then, like, Bond stops her, stops him, and, like, takes Gemma... Takes Oka Carole go away, and as the number two is following them, Gemma Ardenden trips him, like, he's a freshman? Like, you know what I mean? He goes, tumbling down the stairs. He doesn't die.

I don't know how, but it's just his hairpiece comes off. Which, like, that has to come off again right at the moment of death for this character. That's why the shot exists of the wig falling off this time so that it falls off at his moment of death, which doesn't happen in this movie because he is hilariously consumed by flames. And it's kind of amazing.

Matthew Amorak must really love Elvis because this is essentially the reason he drowns fields in oil. This is the one affront, it would seem like, that he witnesses. I remember a move my uncle's old friend, Oric Goldfinger, did one time. I will do the same thing, but with oil. Which is also dumb. Yeah, not great.

No. They go on a fun plain adventure here, right? This is kind of it. No, dude, we got Mathis, man. Oh, my. Oh, that's right. Mathis and the Great Indignity. It's plain.

a P-L-A-I-N right now. So there have been this whole thing that Math was like, oh, I know this guy in the police, we are going to have this thing cinched up real quick. Oh, this Bolivian colonel? This Bolivian guy, and of course, immediately this guy turns on him and gets him beat up

and then sends two cops after Bond who are clearly crooked and they're like, it's see in the back. turn out let's see in the back this is a dumb thing because Bond has this line as he's turning the corner to the back of the car he's like now he says this outlawed is if it's like a thought bubble almost

but he's talking and he's like I wonder why he wants me to open the trunk I've seen you do car chases in this movie what are you stopping for the police he has this thought as he's out of the car and I'm like we'll do something about it Why are you wondering about it if you're doing nothing about it? It's two fat policemen versus James Bond.

He's got the upper hand. And they're like short little Bolivian guys, too. He's like two feet taller than these dudes. His move is to take his injured friend and use him as a human shield and throw his corpse at them. His injured friend is so awesome. He lured out of retirement and easy sex to be shot in the back. This guy could be 69ing a gun.

goddess right now. Instead, he's shot in the back, dies in the arms of a dude he kind of knows but definitely hates, and then is thrown in a dumpster. Who just fucked him in the last movie, like, fucked him real good. And also, like, it's like almost a touching

scene because he's dying, and he's like, oh, hold me, James Bond. It's like, you know, it's sad. I am pretending that you are my Italian goddess holding me. Close my eyes. Show me your breasts. His last moment on this earth is like You need to forgive Vesper

And forgive you. I'm like, get the fuck out of here What are you is therapist? My last words are tell my mother something Tell my fucking wife something I don't know, or talk about my favorite song possibly And Bond, remember this last thing Oh, one second This might be a great time for you to go to the bathroom again

I'm bringing it as a dead girl from the last movie again but you'll miss me really cool shoved in a garbage can and he also takes his cash he isn't going to need it he might as well piss on him like at the end

in Nymphomaniac volume 2 any Nymphomaniac volume 2 fans out there yeah all right yeah you fucking get bean to death with a sack full of pennies hell yeah A yeah boy for the video, too. This show's already a success.

The best part about the dumpster toss, though, is Olga's like, Are you kidding me? That guy flew you over here. He left his Italian daughter. He's fine. He would have wanted it that way. He says he wouldn't care. He wouldn't care.

And all I could think about was that goddamn H. documentary, the mortician. This thing has haunted me for a month, at least since we watch it. If you don't have it over here, look out for it. It is a dude who was like a crooked mortician in California, came from a long line of mortuary people, and he was the one that fucked the deal up for the family, I guess. But this dude is like, it's just meat sacks. Who gives a shit? Yeah. Yeah, I'll cremate 10 bodies at a time. It doesn't matter. Who gives a fuck? And all I can think about in that way, he wouldn't care. Yeah, what it's like GGL. Yeah, piss on my fucking.

corpse, I don't care. I'm sure there's good morticians, but I'm saying I think 75% of these people It's a little. Where did you get this number? Oh, of course. The heart sciences. I figured that was the computer you were using to get that number. They're touching you.

Obviously, they have to. Well, that's part of the job, dude. But they're going a little far, I think. Staying a little too long, you're saying? Inside of you, absolutely. Okay. All right. It's going to be awesome when we have to handle your corpse because that's going to be the special instructions.

I only trust these three guys to take me down, put me on a raft by the river, set me on fire, and put me out. You could throw me in a dumpster, just set it on fire so I don't look tantalizing for these morticians. I love the notion of a mortician coming up to a dumpster with your rotting corpse in it and going, say. But if it's burned, it might persuade him to move on. to the next one.

There's another corpse. Of course there is. I was going to do all this corpse in the dumpster, but it's clearly too burned for any fun. But it is a blonde. I don't know. Oh, the hair stuck around so now? Right where it stopped.

The pubic hair stuck around. Oh. Thank God for that. There's a plane chase. You know, they're going to try and leave the area. We're like looking at these sinkholes that are around in the desert because that's something. It's so funny.

It's just Bond like looking over and going, wow. look at those holes and then Olga goes yeah there's sink holes like what is any of this then they they pull up to a guy with a gigantic plane and he trades him his car

he leaves the car as collateral because again Mathis was fucking bankrolling this whole trip sure yes and he's like oh yeah I left the car as collateral also he's definitely gonna make a lot of money when he totally turns us in and then it just cuts to this dude on the phone like yeah James Bond was just here

sold him a shitty plane. Elvis, Elvis, you're not going to believe this. I've got him. Yeah, no, I want to buy your plane. Yeah, I got that car. And also, this old Italian guy gave me this, like, ring from his mom. You can take that.

Oh, this letter that was for his wife, is that worth anything? It's like a letter in case he dies. I should read it to her. But I'm never going to do that. Looks like nice paper. I don't know. It's got thickness. It's got a little thickness there. These cufflinks, my friend, gave me.

They're also looking pretty sharp. Yeah, they're M's. Yeah, it looks cool. His gold tooth, yeah, here it is. I mean, he gave it to me. No, no, no, he gave me his bank account information. And I just, you know, I don't know why you're giving me guff because I have at all. You know, gold tooth, that's another thing they were doing in that mortician, man.

Popping them right out. Just taking hammers to mouths to get them things out. They're taking real twisted. Ear necklaces, teeth, anything. I don't know about ear necklaces. There's probably a guy, it's probably a guy with a jar of toning. You don't know. I think the brain computer might be overheating.

That's just one man's opinion. Well, we're in such a tropical climate, you know. Makes sense. It's a fun little plane chase. We're shooting at each other. It's not too bad. This dude kind of comes out of nowhere. He's got guns on his plane.

Bond just has a shitty plane that looks like it took Indiana Jones somewhere 40 years prior. I thought short run was going to jump out the back. Or beloo from tailspin for Christ's. Oh, my God. Yes. We just did a tailspin. thing. Oh, really?

I said at the same time you did whole shit. Weird. Bond would clean up in that world, yeah. Probably. In the world of what?

Tailspin? Yeah. Like a big bear? The dog person, the bear person. Yeah. He likes, you know, he's got a big appetite.

He does. He likes variety. He does indeed. So they get, they barely get out of this thing and like, they're trying to catch each other. There's only one parachute.

And like, he gets, like, I'm not kidding you. It's less than a hundred feet before this thing opens up and like they land they must be dead but we black out I think the Fremen

I think the Fremen then nurse them back to help huh I think the fremen helped them here and just you know what I don't know their reasons I don't ask these things his eyes are eerily blue yes oh shit you're right them do you think he was like able to see forward in time just like the quitsots had a rock and he could see

he gets wiped off the earth stupidly in that last he might have been forgotten he might have forgot it. He might have done that one day and now he just works for MI6. It would be awesome if James Bond was given the water of life though. That would be kind of sweet. I think we're all dead after that. I think for sure. During

the blackout, by the way, speaking of blackout, Matthew Almorik is out of this movie for so long. Oh, absolutely. Dude went on vacation, I think. There should be another scene of him killing someone or trying to get something but instead it's like M just being dressed down by the MI6 some more like... Oh yeah, she goes up to her

boss with like nothing. This was, this is again why I thought Rory Keneer was crooked because she's like, do you have anything for me as to what's going on when I go in for my boss here? And he's like, no. Nope. And I was like, all right, well, again, that shit-eating grin on your face that ends every

scene you're in is leading me to believe you're crooked, and he's not. And like, basically, she's like, oh, you know, yada, yada, yada, James Bond is good. He's like, no, James Bond is crooked. And if the prime minister wanted to take your call, he would. Oh, that's... Because she tries to be ballsy about.

about it, right? And she's like, you know, the Prime Minister has my phone number, and he's like, yeah, if the PM wanted to talk to you, he would. Dude, look what happens. Look what happens when you have like 80-year-olds in charge of everything in government. Totally. God, retire. Tits up left and right, dude. Jesus Christ. Yeah, babe. Yeah, the Prime Minister's got your number. My YouTube video has got 800 views, so. I don't know who's got the upper hand in this relationship. It's pretty cool. Yeah, I know you didn't ask, but it's a Ninja Turtle's foot stepping down. Hey, babe, I forgot to tell you, like, two days ago.

Someone called from the office, think he was like your boss maybe. I'm sorry, I forgot, but, yeah, sorry about that. Yeah, his initials were P.M. I figured Peter, whatever. I don't know who that is, so I didn't tell you. Babe, do you got anything on those guys from the BBC? I think they should adapt my podcast into a three-episode series. Ooh, that's a good idea.

We're in a cave for some reason, and we're telling you. The parachute opens after their underground, which is very funny. And they basically were telling each other our traumas, because it's a movie made after 2005. If anyone would like to get up and go to the bathroom, this cave scene... Her deal is the Crooked General, like, you know, killed her family, and of course sexually assaulted the mother and the sister, and she had to watch and burn them all...

The burning is very important because later in the movie, she turns into Frankenstein's monster when she sees fire. She's like, nah! Fire, ma'r. Like, she's this badass fucking, you know, whatever with the beach. It's like the Martian Manhunter, if anyone gets that reference. Ooh. They have comic books over here.

I never know. That's M.M. M.M. Exactly. We go out, this is also, like, this is when we find out that he's not trying to steal oil. He is depriving the water. He's creating, like, damming up all of these underground water sources. And there's, like, all these interesting-ish images of people in Bolivia

trying to get water and not getting it. I'm like, then the end of this movie has to be the water flows, you know what I mean? Why not? Because this is the wrongest, wrong turn that this movie takes in its entire runtime, not having the conclusion be

in some sort of Dominic Green owned and operated underground dam facility. If Blofeld could have his office in a fucking volcano, this dude can have an underground layer outside of a reservoir. And the fact that it's just some garbage hotel that no one's staying at in the middle

of the desert. I could not care less if I try. The movie ends in a holiday express, for Christ's sakes. That's powered by hydrogen by the way. Seems like a huge mistake. You're right. For a Bond movie, I want to see a computer in a rock. Yes. That makes sense. Because then also what happens is Bonn blows the dam. Dominic Green is crushed by a title wave. Again, the villain killed by his own device, right? That's what it should be. And then he's got some line about, well, don't

get washed away over it or some bullshit thing. That would be something. It's something. It's anything for this movie. You don't want to watch James Bond in a full suit walking through the fucking desert. Like, man, to pop it off.

It's too much heat, man. And they thought that was the coolest image, too, right? Because that was on the poster. That's all over the trailer. And it's like, little did you know. No. It's the dullest part of the movie. He takes the bus.

He literally, him and his girlfriend, take the bus to a hotel. Change, exact change. I took a bus to a hotel. I'm not cool. I don't have any money. Could I fuck somebody around here? Does anybody need a fucking?

Oh, to get the money. I was just going to say, cut to the chase, fuck the bus driver. Hello. I don't know why the Bolivian bus driver sounds like that, but here we are. I don't have the 15 cents, but I have the pen 15. then he takes off his pants in public

like I did at the earlier show we get to this hotel and we see oh my god isn't this exciting the general signing the land deal contract my god paperwork and a Bond film everybody and you know if you went into this movie you know what I'd like to see I'd like to see James Bond you know maybe shoot some guys I'd like to see a couple of car chases

I'd like to see a crooked general trying to sexually assault the granddaughter at Charlie Chaplin. That's what I... That's sure. Literally, Una Chaplin from Game of Thrones and other things, is this like, kind of like, she's just like a receptionist or a hotel aide

getting them beer. And like the final scene is this like weird almost rape scene. And I'm like, I've got my fucking coat on already, dude. It is way too late for whatever the fuck this is. Absolutely. That's modern times for you. Yeah, exactly.

Well done. He certainly was the general. Oh, fuck, that was Buster Keaton. Yeah. Well, you know, this General Madero would have made a great dictator. Oh, excellent. There it is.

City lights. You got anything for city lights? You know, yeah, this Green's deal, you know, he's going to make a lot of money off those city lights. There you go. Thank you, Eric. You're welcome.

So this dude signs one contract, and what's more exciting than signing one contract signing to? And he's sort of like, Almarie just sort of pushes this other paper across and the general's getting all up. By the way, this general looks like a real-life version of the dude they animated

who kills Oren Ishi's family and a kill bill. He does. He looks like a live-action version of an anime villain. It's amazing. He also looks unsettlingly like Lips Manless from Dick Tracy. Oh, yes, he does. I just like imagine him sucking down oysters

while he's doing all this shit. Yeah, how'd that work for you? When you were imagining it. Half? Was it like you were sucking down those oysters, too? No, no, I was just disgusted by his slurping. Show us the slurping. No, please don't.

We're almost done, please don't. No one's walked out yet. We're good. Excellent. This is what we call it the bonus zone. So he's like, oh, this is the deal that's going to say you're going to use my company to provide water to Bolivia. And he's like, oh, well, did you know, Mr. Bond? That is 60% higher than what we pay now. Hey, babe, did the Trade Federation show up yet?

Mr. Bond, what did you say? And so after all, that thrilling paperwork is signed or maybe not signed, I don't really know. James Bond infiltrates the thing. And yes, there's just like these... Never explain, like, oh, yes, Mr. Bond, of course, this hotel runs on hydrogen jet packs for some reason.

And every room has one. And just like these things start going up like fucking a Roman candle and this is when the general is at first trying to sexually assault this woman who's had one line in the movie and then here comes Olga Kierli go to save her but then

she's also in the danger now it's just so insane to have a hotel powered by bombs and Matthew Amarik who should be like menacing in any way is just swinging an axe wildly in the middle of the fire. You were 85 pounds and you're attacking James Bond.

Stop it. He's swinging his axe like leather face at the end of Texas Shainsaw, fucking going around like this. He's somewhere. He's got to be. I got to hit something. I will say him getting himself in his own foot made me go that's tough. That's honestly maybe the best part of the movie. Yes.

And, you know, she kills the general. There's a gunshot. You don't see it, of course. Bullshit. Show me that shit. It's her entire character. Motivation show it off screen and Almaric is like another woman you loved died Mr. Bond how much more trauma can one man have you're gonna be talking about this for

four fucking movies you're going to need hours and hours of therapy and was it because of the M Talkdown like he saves him here yeah because she's like stop killing people please well he sort of kind of does like Batman begins like I'm not gonna kill you but I don't have to save you. But in this instance, it's driving out the desert, leave you for dead. Yeah, sure. And then give him a can of oil in case he wants to drink it. I'm just not even walking with the can of oil. Yeah, I'm dropping that.

Yeah, I drop it right there. Why carry it? Not giving him the satisfaction, that's for sure. Exactly. The thing, though, with that general, though, just to go back to it. Again, it is her entire character motivation, and it could just easy. You get Una Chaplin out of there. Yes.

And it's just she comes to the door, you know, and it's like, oh, here's my sexy, whatever. and then he opens the door and she starts beating the shit out of us. Yes. And then she actually has some sort of like actual victory that you see, you definitely need to see this dude get one right between the eyes,

absolutely this off-screen kill. It's going to keep me up at night. Yes, but she is like petrified of fire because that's... Marr! Burr! Bair! And he... Friend Gourd.

I guess as a parallel... I don't really even know, but he sits with her in this room like a Vesper in the shower. hour. And I'm like, for what? Get her out of there. They've got all the time in the world. She's like stroking her hair. I'm like, the world is on fire. Get the fuck out. No, instead we're going to contemplate killing ourselves. Sure. This is the weirdest. Like, are you just, she's like, you know, terrified or whatever? And he's like, all right, you're ready to hang it up? We do it

together now. So I'm just going to go. I'm going to my temple right next to yours. And then the gun you see, are you ready? I'm going to do it now. And he's like, close your eye. I'm like, this is a fucking murder suicide. But then he sees a tank of hydrogen be exposed. He's like, more fire will surely help. And he shoots that. I think he's thinking if he shoots that thing, it's going to go this way and just kill them faster than burning

to death. Not a bad idea. But it blows the wall out instead and he's like, all right, I guess I'll finish the movie. Lucky day. Yeah, he sees the movie walking away, so he gets out there. Yeah, the movie's walking out to the desert to die. Well, it's kind of great because he sees Montiel Amararik walking off in the distance and he

goes to Olga Kirling go, hold on, I've got something to do. And then you just sort of see him in a car commercial narrated by Matthew McConaughey for some reason. Oh man, when you just got done blowing up that hydrogen-powered

hotel in the middle of the desert, man. You just want a nice, smooth ride back home. You know, I was to stabilize in the government of Bolivia before it was cool. When you need to kill a Frenchman because he helped kill your lovely, well, it's easy to do that in a Mustang.

Yeah, the new Lincoln Continental, the perfect seat for your ass and all its traumas. B-O-L-I-V-I-A, baby. But so, yes, he pulls this guy out of the trunk and he's like, you're going to walk. They've had a conversation that's very important to the bullshit lore

that we're setting up, where he clearly tells them all about Spector, but we can't hear a second of it because they're going to get sued. So why have it? Like, the dude gets out of the car, and Bond is like, thank you. You've given me all the information I ever needed.

You're like, what is any of it? What was anything he told you? Well, then why are there three more fucking movies, man? Yeah, if all the information was there, yeah, you're right. And we just sort of cut, like, at the end of the first Blade movie, we're in Russia for some reason. You're like, huh? Yes, exactly.

What happened to you? My kingdom for some nighttime Ruski vampires, man. Why not at this point? Yeah, he's saving a Canadian intelligence agent, right? Yes. Because this lady's... AI 6 Like how they

Oh no Again It's a North American thing You wouldn't get it We almost made it We're in the bonus Don't fucking anger though Sorry sorry I'm gonna stop

No what's left But yeah This Canadian intelligence officer Is falling for the same thing That Vesper did This dude's given the same song and dance And Bonn comes in He's like so let me guess

Your intelligence Don't worry I know you are So you don't have to lie about it And let me guess, you've fallen in love with this guy. And soon enough, he's going to ask you for some information because he's in a real tight bond and blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, you better just get out of here right now. Go tell your boss how much you fucked up at work.

And maybe you won't be fired. And the funniest thing is this woman is leaving the hotel room and you just hear this very solemn, thank you. I'd be in way bigger trouble than I already am, so thank you. By the way, you are 100% getting fired. Oh, yeah. Executed. This is not a discussion.

The Canadians don't play. Fired but maybe not murdered. Maybe not left in a river. And then yet again, the movie's like, we're not going to see this scene. And like, Bond just leaves like, well, that was exciting. That was exciting and informative

for all my trauma and whatever. Because he lets him live and this is the moment, right? There's now been two movies where she's like, you keep killing people and it's not right. We need information from these folks. And so when he has this character

developing moment. I can't believe I'm saying character development with James Bond, but here we are. It's this big moment and you don't see it. You don't see him, like whatever it was, right? He maybe pulls the trigger and the gun's not loaded. He gives the guy a good scare. Whatever it is. You'll see any of it. M's just like, is he alive?

Yes. You brought your grandma to Russia with you? And then he just kind of walks off and she's like, oh, Bond, you know, don't go too far. I'm glad you're back or whatever and it's the old I never left. and then this is what it's the biggest that excellent trailer that really tricks you into thinking this is a good movie it also has something that the rest of this movie barely has it all which is the amazing orchestration of the james bond theme song

and it's only in the last seconds of this movie when the credits are on that you get any bad up at all yeah how about when he's in the plane chase we get a little of it there no how about in the car chase at the beginning maybe a little there no The score in this movie is awful. What do you want to do? Excite people? The fuck is wrong with you. Maybe just be a scotch titillating. I don't know.

That's illegal. No. We don't do that anymore. And that's Quantum of Solace, everybody. That is the end of the movie. Jesus Christ. Now, like I said, up top, we will be closing the show like we always do, reading some writing from the absolute

best place to get some high-minded thinking about film on the internet, the internet movie database user review section. Got a couple here. On both sides of the ball, I think. We got two, there's a 10 out of 10, and there's a 1 out of 10. A 10 out of 10. Strap in.

Great. 10 out of 10 stars, written by GABSI, November the 23rd, 2008, so this is a real straight from theater situation. Subject line, anyone who doesn't enjoy this movie, shouldn't call themselves a Bond fan.

Done and done. Take my card. I saw this movie Saturday. Nice. I was just putting in what we were doing. That's so much. Where'd you get lunch, buddy? No, that's, but dude, you always get these

the personal lives. It was raining when I went to the cinema that day. All right, I saw this movie on Saturday, and I have to begin by saying that this film is absolutely brilliant. Now, the B word leads me to believe this is one of your people. I'm gonna put that out there.

Or drunk, possibly drunk. In my opinion, or both. It's about 10 times better than Casino Royale, which was slow. What? What fucking planet are you on, man? Planet Bond. Green planets. Yes, of course.

Was slow and lacked any of the usual Bond high-speed storylines. Okay. Like a water deal. Yeah. Totally thrilling. like a halfway broken airplane. This film throws you into the world of 007 as soon as it begins, portraying him

as he should be at 400 kilometers an hour, an hour, non-stop! I have to insist this person stop being so horny. This needs to stop. There are so many stops in this movie. So many stops. So many screeching halts. There is not one moment in this movie.

this film where you are left bored or wondering what the hell is happening. You're so jilted and awed by the supreme action and non-stop or and top-notch acting, pardon me, that when you walk out of the movie house, and that's one of you, sorry. Stop saying one of you. It sounds weird. It makes me uncomfortable. You're so jilted and awed by the supreme action and top-notch acting that when you walk out of the movie house, it's difficult not to sway drunkenly towards the exit. This dude, this dude saw this movie and left the auditorium come drunk. He was so excited by the action in Quantum of Solace.

Hammered. Daniel Craig is a magnificent bond taking us back to the day of Sean Connery's blunt and brutal 007 that shoots first and asks questions later. Yes. Woo-hoo indeed for asking questions later. There is not an iota of softness or glorified dancing about that they pass off his fight scenes. Sir, you didn't watch the movie. You didn't do it.

You were supposed to do it, and you didn't do it. Do you think it was a thing where, like, he went to the movies and he was telling all those buddies, I'm going to see the new bond, and then I'm going to write about it when I get back, and he fucking fell asleep. Like, he went to a midnight screening, and he fell asleep and missed the whole thing and was like, oh, shit, I got to write that IMDB review. When I get really drunk and I fall asleep, I'm like, that was awesome. Honestly, I think that's where it is

Yeah Oh, where are we here? Everything is hand to hand Raw fighting to the very death Uh-huh Sure, man Daniel Craig and everyone else involved in Quantum of Salas has pulled us from the foppish charm

And deadfish handshakes of Roger Moore And Pierce Brosnan's suave charm To an action character that will survive the desert escape from burning hotels and kill you if you even so much as think about double crossing him. End of review. Wow, man. I like that he's like, how

can I make this review vaguely homophobic? Foppish. Foppish is the word I'll use. It's a vast work. All right, here we go. One out of ten stars. That's more like it, James. No, this is great because I love this username so much, you guys.

written by Boomer 166. Oh, nice. December the 27th, 2008, this sounds like a divorced Christmas time to the movie theater for this guy. Sounds it. Subject line, boo hiss. Let's hear him out.

Ooh, wow. Well, with a subject line like that, let's hear him out. Let's hear him out. For me, this has to be the worst Bond movie ever. Dang. Oh, no, they're a dame. Who was the villain? Who was the villain's number one henchman?

What was the plot about? Oil? No water. No oil. Fuck, this guy's making sense. Too bad the writers of this movie didn't perish in the Bolivian desert before they completed the script. Whoa! Yes! This review goes hard.

I love it. Also, should note, that they did start filming this movie before a script was finished, and you can't do that with multi-million-dollar action films. You just can't. Well, that's what you do. You want to rush Paul Haggis. That is the key to your success.

It's what the Scientologist wanted to do. Well, you got to be careful with that, dude. The next thing you know, you got another fucking crash on your hands. Could happen. Nobody wants that. Too many special effects. Not enough, if any, character development. And why the dead woman covered in oil on the bed a la Goldfinger?

Well, that's you answered your own fucking question. It's because it's a gold thing. It's called a reference. Hey, boy. I'm sure they call it an homage, but it's a reference. Geez, I would even welcome back Roger Moore and some of the scriptwriters from those substandard episodes at least they were humorous.

Man, dude hates on Raj, that's no good. No, that's not nice. That guy knew how to have fun and fuck. Yes. A very sad attempt in this latest installment of the franchise. Quantum of Solace, more like Quantum of Mess. We've been We Hate Movies from New York City. Thank you so much.

Thank you all so much for coming out, Oxford. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you. Oh! I don't know.