We Hate Movies - S16 Ep821: The Conjuring

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

“There’s so much door play in this movie!” - Chris On this week’s episode, we’re dipping into horror territory to revisit the film that got the haunted ball rolling, The Conjuring! Before all the nuns and eerie doll spin-offs, Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga hit the screen with this solid entry in the possession genre that features a fun amount of hair dye, cool sideburns, Lili Taylor being thrown around a basement by a ghost, a killer title scroll, one too many jump scares, a reference to The Changeling, and much more! PLUS: We gotta start hiring dogs to sniff out ghosts before purchasing real estate!  The Conjuring stars Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston, Joey King, Shanley Caswell, Mackenzie Foy, Kyla Deaver, John Brotherton, Sterling Jerins, and Shannon Kook as Drew; directed by James Wan. This episode is brought to you in part by ASPCA Pet Health Insurance. To explore coverage, visit A-S-P-C-A pet insurance dot com slash WHM That’s A-S-P-C-A pet insurance dot com slash WHM. Eligibility restrictions apply. Visit ASPCA PET INSURANCE DOT COM SLASH AMAZON TERMS for more info. Be sure to pick up our digital show on Terminator: Dark Fate, available now in our Patreon shop! Don’t sleep on snagging your tickets to our 15th Anniversary show this December where we’re talking all things Arnold in Total Recall! It’s gonna be a gas and we wanna see you there! Click through for tickets now! Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey, folks, quick announcement that you're going to want to conjure up tickets to our 15th year anniversary show extravaganza. Yes, it is happening at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York on Saturday, December 6th. We'll be covering for the first time, total recall. You can get tickets now at WHMpodcast.com slash tour. See you at the party, Richter. And that's not all. We've got a new Patreon tier called The Craven that will be everything we've ever done. You sign up for the Craven.

You unlock everything. of our side shows, the archive, but in this tier, we're introducing video podcasts exclusive to the Patreon. Every month, there will be a WHM after dark where we will shoot the shit with you, answer your questions. Sure, there'll be some movie talk, but you steer the ship. You decide what we could fetch about that day. And if you're listening to this, the Tuesday comes out, the 16th of September. The first after dark is tonight. So that's every month. And then every quarter, there'll be a new full-length movie episode focusing on the new horror canon, right, right? So we're calling this Scareddy Cats. First up is Barbarian, which will drop sometime in

October. Both WHM After Dark and Scardy Cats will be available in audio as well. Video or audio, the choice is yours. You're going to want to go to patreon.com slash we hate movies for more information. Now on to the show. This week on We Hate Movies. We're talking about the first of four movies that talk about a pair of charming, sexy con men. We're talking the conjuring. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska.

Chris, Chris Cab to talk about the conjuring. Oh, come on. He's right. He should say it. And we hate movies. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes, dead is better. The zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicter Man.

They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks. He's seen one too many movies. Don't you blame the movies? Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative. Put the fucking lotion in the back. That's an excellent day for an exorcism. Hello, everyone.

Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. Our Sweet 16 season rolls right along. We're talking about 2013's The Conjuring, directed by James Wan. And yes, this is the first. This set the ball roll.

for this whole averse. We got nuns. We got haunted dolls. We got that La Yona movie that I didn't see. And another one of these that's out in theaters right now. A TV show coming on the way just to happen and then

like and of course the doll has its own massive universe of its own. A beautiful one. That's what I just said nuns, but dolls. No, no, but Annabelle has like four movies. I know. There's like three of those. That's what I'm saying. This spawned Chris Cabin, an entire

monster verse of its own with, yes, the Annabelle films, which is what I was referencing when I said, Dahl, and the nun, two to date Nunn pictures. It sounds like they're going to run out a ghost soon. Oh, no. Here's the good thing is you can just make up whatever the fuck you want. Oh.

That makes it nice and easy. I'd send them to hell. I want like a Hellraiser to hellbound, but with Ed and Lorraine, Warren, they're there now. It happened in real life, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they're fine. They're enjoying the flesh. yeah the little shadow monsters like came out of the walls and pulled her down oh that was that was the end of ghost at least at the time of this recording the tv news is new is it patty and vera coming back or no i doubt it yeah

they're just gonna go because i did i think i'm the only one that saw last rights uh haven't gotten to it yet i will be checking it i'm gonna try to see it this weekend it's not the it's it's it's better than the last one uh which it would have to be yes yes because the last one's absolutely absurd with the but there is like a 20 minute Avengers ending that is just the movie ends and then there's just like Steve tell me there's portals and the ghosts that we've seen before come through to help them I don't want to spoil it on your left

and it's just the nun coming out of the portal the clapping hands show up you mess with one you mesh with all of us no there is a little post script I won't spoil anything but in the postcript, which is the funniest fucking thing I've seen in theaters all year, is like, the whole movie happens, and then it's like, Ed, Lorraine

Warren lived, and that they talk about dying of a stroke and like, I think maybe 2006 or something like that, and then... Demon get him, you think? Demon fucked with his brain? No, that was God's work. That was 100% God's work. It was a fucking heart condition, because he was a big old fat guy, by the way. And there

are scenes in this new movie where he Patrick Wilson, fit as a fucking fiddle going to the doctor and he's like, Ed, you should have you ever heard of a salad? He's like, I've heard of it. And then, like, the doctor's like, you gotta take this fucking serious.

Whoa. This dude's working out twice a day. Well, that happens, Steve. You know, you see those reports of guys that look fit. They go jogging. They do all this stuff. But there's something's not quite right. To Steve's point, though, when you watch it,

because I watched one and two back to back today, just to kind of get back into this averse a little bit. And they, of course, have to do it. because this whole, especially with this first one, like they sold it right on this is another true account from the Amityville people, which is also true. It's all true, true, true, true. So of course they show the real people

in the end credits at the end of it. And when they do the Patrick, it's Patrick Wilson and then he may as well be put next to a picture of fucking Morty Seinfeld. He's supposed to be the brother in the Aquaman movies. He's the brother of the buffest man on Earth. And there's no difference in the look. It's the same look.

He's always been, even put a punch on, like, you know what I mean? Like, just, I'm not saying you should gain weight for the conjuring movies. No, please, God. A little punch on, a little, a little punch that they get from the proct department. Chris's point, maybe the, maybe a really fit brother should have been introduced into the conjuring verse. That would be pretty cool. Yeah. That would be nice.

I would do, I do think, like, just get him, like, a scene or two of him, like, really going at a stake. Like, just not giving any shits or, like, going crazy. Isn't there, uh, doesn't there something where? With, like, he likes, like, a spaghetti with meat sauce or something like that. A full James Gandolphini meal. Yes. Yeah. Oh.

Pass the foregraw there. I will say that. At the end. I forgot her name. I forgot my wife's name for a second. Which my name? Well, he used to remember all these demon names like Bethesda, right? But at the end of this, at the end of this, not spoiling anything.

In the, in the post room, talking about, you know, blah, blah, he died then, she died this. And it was like, and they, they, they did. did over 10,000 cases or whatever the fucking number is and da-da-da-da. And at the time, the scientific community mocked them. And like, the way that that is written

as if they're like the fucking freedom writers. Like, no, this is like, ghosts have never existed. Ghosts will never exist. One more line at the end. And they do to this day. Yeah, totally. It hasn't stopped. Everybody knows these guys are fucking con artists.

What is the fucking point? That line sort of implies that like the commander of science came out issued a public apology to the Warrens. Exactly. Oh, you weren't crackpots after all. Apologies, science. Like in 1999, there was a ghost convention where we all agreed. And now, like, oh, you know, trans rights, like, of course, the way that they treated people back then was ridiculous. And then, but now, well, no, it's like, no, it's, it's, it's, they're ghosts.

You remember when the Warren papers came out and we all decided, you know what, ghosts are real, science. It knows that ghosts are ridiculous. We're all good. could be real. For all I know, I don't know much. I mean, aliens are real. They've been soft landing that on the news forever. I saw a new fucking clip and it's very impressive. I think those aliens are awesome. And they're real. I'm convinced now. I'm not convinced. Nobody knows anything is my stated, uh, the philosophy and all this. Nobody knows anything.

Chris, you want to get real scared? What if the aliens started working with the ghosts? Then we are in trouble. In conjunction with the reverse vampires. That's right. Isn't that. what Ghost of Mars is about? I think so. They are the ghosts of Mars. Here's the thing. I like, I really, I full out love the first

two of these movies. This one? Yes, I do. I love this movie. You stayed up, you stayed awake during this? I did. So did I. I did as well. But I think at least in the first two, the way that the diet such as it is, it's a horror movie and then there's some

fun biographical, fake biographical stuff that like fleses out the warrens as characters. And I like Patrick Wilson and Vera Formiga. So they're fun to watch. And that's what makes these movies tick. The latter two fall into like more on the biogra, the fake biography side. And the ghost stuff takes a backseat.

And that's a really big disaster. There is a presumption, and I do not share this, that people care at all about the biography of two demonologists, self-described demonologists. And I really don't. I really just care about you're there. hired to do a weird job, and I want to see you do the weird job. And like, there's a part in this movie where everything has to stop dead because we're calling home because she's got like a vision of the dirter. And I'm like, do not care. Do not. That at least is scary, you know, in quote, it's scary. Sure. Yeah. Real quick, I want to say this because it's alleged that

they're conmen. I don't know exactly. Like Chris said, nobody knows anything. Perhaps they're the real deal and they're talking to the devil and St. Peter every night. I don't know. But it is weird. to make this lionizing series of movies. It's like as if they did a son of Sam movie, but like he was actually killing actual deed. The dog was actual God's voice telling him

you're going to kill demons. It's him in the Bronx shooting young women in cars, but they explode like in the Blade movie. You know what it means? Spike Lee made that movie. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's a good movie. I was so her to Sam. That was great. So this starts

I don't remember the the third one's deal and I haven't seen the fourth like we said but the first two including this one they start with a cold opens of other possibly more interesting cases this movie is a cold open of the annabelle situation and the second movie is a cold open of uh the amityville horror but yeah in this one we start off it is the tale of the annabel doll we're in 1968 give me i i you know i have only seen one of those annabel movies but i like a good creepy doll's it looks like you could do it in seven minutes they told the story

what do we need four movies for I will say I think the Annable movies on the whole are much better than the Conjuring movies. They're better directed their stories are way more interesting I don't have to deal with Ed and fucking Lorraine Warren I don't have to deal with any of this shit and I

I don't like like Patrick Wilson Verifarmiga very I like them both a lot I just could not connect with these characters I'm surprised by you Chris only because you're a one head I am. I do like him a lot. I actually, I disliked him. I just liked him for the Saw movies and I was like

oh fuck that guy. Insidious, I was like oh, this guy's amazing. They could really great, great horror director. This movie could confirm that into the conjuring too, which again I really liked. And then malignant is awesome. See, to me, it was insidious and I'm like, oh my God, oh God,

he's got it, he's going to do it. And then everything until essentially malignant. And I really do love Aquaman. I do. I love that movie. Just glazing over his best film, write death sentence with Kevin Bake. Oh, yeah.

He's like hitting people with bats or something. What is that movie again? It's him basically doing death wish. Yes. Andrew, I think you and I saw that together in theaters. I believe we did actually. And I remember being not terrible. I remember.

It was a good day at the movie. I think he's a good director. I actually think like, he is. What do you call it there? The Annabel thing is cool. It's a, but I actually think the idea is like,

the quote unquote real story. It was a Raggedy Ann doll. And I think that the Annabelle porcelain, like, he has this like aesthetic sometimes that gets a little too bespoke with the heart. Like actually having like a dull like canvas doll just slumped over that's not supposed to be creepy doing creepy things. I think is better than a creepy dog.

Agreed. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Because like they like intentionally made that doll to look at it as fuck. If you look at it in this movie like it's got it's got like a knife slash down its eye like it's fucking cable coming back from the future like I'm like what happened to this doll dude it's a rough day it's everybody's dream it's a smig and 60s two gals on the town living together haunted doll like this is a great idea this a great setup I mean honestly they are they're two sexy nurses living together

in the late 60s but then also there's a haunted doll it's like mild like sleazy erotica set up but then also haunted doll movie they beat bundy Like Bundy was going to get Oh, the doll's in there Alright, I'm going to back off Oh, whoa, you're in territory today, doll Don't worry about it Oh, yeah, it's been called, damn it.

The doll's got dibs. Come on, let me help a little bit. Come on, tap me in, Annabelle, tap me in. There's like a scratch of the door, like the hobo code. It's like, oh, wait, doll. Not going to murder these two pretty nurses. Oh, geez, and I came over to the apartment complex

Also with a handwritten sign that said, Miss Me. Damn it. Now, how again, did they start talking to this because there's an seven-year-old girl named Annabelle Higgins died in this apartment

got lonely and started taking a liking to the doll wanted to be friends and they gave her permission to move into the doll that's right Ouija

Ouija you gotta read those terms and conditions guys every time you can't just click yes you never know what's going to happen to your question Eric

yes I think the idea is probably that they were doing some Ouija and came in contact this very much like the film Witchboard actually right

like it's a little kid and blah blah blah Isn't it fucked up that, what, like Parker Brothers is still making that thing? That portal to hell? You can still buy it, dude. And we were, we were not allowed in my house, man. Is that right? Oh, dude.

I got enough Catholic fear that I don't fuck with Ouija for it. My mom has a very strong belief in, like, paranormal stuff. She's got some tails that'll fucking turn you white to quote fucking Ernie Hudson. Same, but for rock'em, rock'em, rock'em, robots in my house. My parents were terrified of robots, so I wasn't able to play with that. they were right actually your parents were more well my parents were big on saying no to connect for

because they thought that would lead to me getting into checkers and that's it can't have that slippery slip and then you become a weird kid right like those chest club kids unless you're listening now then I love you those are mama jupin stories I've heard and those are those are little conjuring movies she's got there they are kind of little

little conjuring movies yes my mom has a tale I'll tell the short ones. She has a tale where I believe both her and my aunt were using it one time as like adults and we're like you know, it's apocryphal quote unquote talking to

like the ghost of a little kid that had supposedly drowned in the pond behind my aunt's apartment complex or whatever and like that was one of the deals. There's another thing with like a really... I'm not going to get to do it. She's got some fucking terrifying shit that like I will

say that I'm kind of with Chris, maybe even a little harder in the other direction of like, I don't know, but I've like had people tell me firsthand things that have irked me out big time. My wife will make fun of me because I'm like, I don't believe in ghosts, but I don't fuck with ghosts either.

She's like, well, you believe in ghosts. And I'm like, I get it. I get where you're going from, but I just sort of feel like that's kind of where, and it's a Catholic thing. You know what I mean? You're here enough for this demon shit. So yeah, the Warrens are interviewing these two girls, this dude who doesn't, uh, seeds deleted on the dude on the

couch. I don't know what his deal was. I think he was just Lyle the dude, man. I don't know. He's, towel guy maybe. I love triangle maybe. That is maybe what's going on. Oh, or we just don't know about it. Or an Eiffel Tower, yeah. Also, could be the same thinger.

He's like, oh, hey, Bethany, we're going to go out tonight. Yeah, we just have to do this demonologist thing first. I guess I'll hang around. Oh, man, Lyle, you're hanging around with this demonology thing. man, better be worth it. You know what I'm saying on the back head, brother? But apparently, no, it is not.

And I do think these sequences are effectively scary. The knocking on the door and the whole, the little notes and stuff. Can I say, what is with ghosts and cop knocking? Yes. Well, because it's scary.

Dude, ghost knocking and cop knocking are scary. If a ghost is trying to scare you, it's going to knock on a door like a police officer. And then you open and there's no one there and you're relieved, right? But they're not just going to knock. they're going to creak, they're going to slam.

There's so much fucking doorplay in this movie. It drove me fucking insane. It's a haunted house movie, though. I mean, I do anything new. Yeah, yeah. That's fair. And like that's why I fell as like, I like Eric, this is why I'm in Eric's camp on this. It's like, I just was waiting the whole time for something that was different.

And I'm just like, this is essentially just all of the good, quote, unquote, because I'm actually, I don't know if I've liked any of the Amityville movies. Maybe the second one I like the most. But it feels like... That James Browland movie is a legitimately good movie. It's fine. It's whatever. I just... It's a three-star thing for me. I was like, whatever. I didn't like any of them. Maybe the second one.

Okay, dude. Isn't there like 500 of those? There are... There's way too many of them. Amityville space station. But it feels like they were all fucking filled into like this one patty. And this is what this is. Is the paddy? And I'm like, all right, it's whatever. It's...

if you like it, cool, I just found it so fucking boring. I know you got that because, I mean, it's a lot of like the dread. And if you're not feeling the dread, you're like, well, you know what I mean? Like, well, I will say it was effective in the theaters in 2013. I thought it was pretty scary. And I loved the clap behinds moment we get later in the film. There's definitely stuff to like the production design. It looks cool.

The cinematography and all that. But rewatching it today, I was, you know, I was a cartoon mouse with a little feather going up and down, snoring. I mean, it is interesting, right, to think about the setting in which you watch a movie, because I think it's totally valid that certain movies are just more successful depending upon how you're watching it, you know what I mean?

I believe I mentioned at the end of the On Deadly Ground episode when we were teasing this, that the first time I saw this movie, like, I literally creased the brim of a rangers hat I had watching it in the theater. And, you know, that didn't happen this time. I was, like, eeked out by it and everything, but I was kind of more like appreciating the style and hair dye that's all over this movie.

But, yeah, you know, not as effective. Then, yeah, sitting in like, you know, the front row of the Kaufmanistoria or whatever. Yeah, and I agree. Like the first, what I saw was the theater is why I liked it was, it scared me. And then last night it was more like just I'm appreciating it for a movie's sake. And I do think that it mostly works. I think that tends to be the thing with horror movies, right? And I think that's why it is one of those genres that has continuously brought people into the theater is because it makes good

audience movie where you're actually with a whole audience feeling the tension letting it release being scared and laughing at little things I mean the best

the last like great audience experience I had was at hereditary with people like like oh my god you see you're in the corner like just freaking out at different points

and stuff like that it's fun and like I see why that it knocks down once you get to HBO Max I should say also we should say that we're recording this

on the 10th last rights just came out He made a gazillion dollars. I don't know what the marketing budget is, so I don't know how much the profits are going to be. It's in the red still, sorry. Everything's always in the red. Yeah, if I could just hop in really quick here,

because I want to talk about Marty, my dog Marty, who many of you listeners know from her random barks on the show here and there. You know, we adopted her in July 2016, of course. She's a mixed breed, brindle-coated dog, neurotic just like me and my wife, so she fits in perfectly around the house. She's literally folks scared of flies. If a fly gets in the house, if we have the patio door open or the balcony door open, in comes a fly. She's freaking out. She's literally laying on the floor of the studio here napping right now while I, oh, no, she's literally walking away. I think she

heard me talking about her. And I'm talking about her because we got a quick message from today's sponsor, the ASPCA pet health insurance program, y'all. These days, we sure just about everything. Cars that lost value the second we drive them, phones we trade in every two years, and trips we haven't even taken yet. But our pets who are truly irreplaceable often go unprotected. With ASPCA pet health insurance, you can get help with your unexpected vet bills and make sure your dog or cat gets the care they need when they need it. And when you're looking out for them, there's a little extra something in it for you too. When you enroll in an ASPCA pet health insurance plan, you could get a $25 Amazon gift card. It's a little treat for you while you're doing

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The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. But yeah, so I do like the little notes miss me and like the stuff. I like that she crayons the walls. Oh, yes. Big time. Yeah, I mean, this whole little haunting sequence is cool.

And it pops out. I don't understand what's going on here as far as this cut because it cuts to them in a lecture hall they give a lot of lectures in this film series and this is a weird

it's like I was like so they're turning off a projector in this lecture hall were we supposed to like that whole hold open is what we were watching because clearly that's not

what's going on though it's not edited appropriately for that exactly that's what it drives me nuts I mean we do the the point of view of the camera

documentarian type of thing later in the movie and it's effective why not do it here this is just a fake out movie opening and it's it's that break of reality i was immediately turned on the movie right when that happened about that yeah uh but yeah so this is just them like i love how one dude is like so what's your job title anyway and he's like well we've been called a demonologist before it's like dude i don't know that i would say that one in public

that's just too much Lorraine gets it right which is also cooks and I'm But yeah, kooks. I feel like that's the That's like the closest The script ever comes to it. Like, I don't know. The second one does have them on a talk show where they're being scrutinized a little bit,

but like it is still weird to me watching these movies And they are like you said already, Steve, but like the lionization of these people. Like if these movies treated them with a little more of like a cocked eyebrow, I think they would be kind of more interesting. Um, hi, hi, hi, yeah. Hi, hi, this is Ed and my wife, Lorraine. Is your husband home by any chance of, oh, hi.

Hi there, sir. Yes, we're Ed and Lorraine Warren. We are the professional cooks, you call. We are here to smell around your house and see you have a ghost. I'm going to mumble in Latin and you're going to give me $500, right? Yes. I do love it. Later in the movie, it's kind of a, not a throwaway.

It's kind of important for the movie. Like, they investigate one house and he's like, ah, yeah, it's the pipes over here. That's what you're getting is the pipes are going to contract. He's like nine times out of ten. That's what we come in and we find out. Like, that's bullshit. Nine times that if a 10, you always find a ghost. And then you're like, that'll be $300.

He's got a house full of trinkets from like 10,000 possessions. That's the thing. It's like one thing like, yeah, oh, geez, I had this exorcism once or twice. But a hundred? Yeah. You're the guy that's got a hundred confirmed ghosts. Are we joking? No, you're totally right because this, you see that fucking storage room, the collection room.

And it is the end of Indiana Jones. You know what I mean? Like, it needs to, I've always thought that about this room. It should be, you can have like a dozen things, right? And in that way, it's actually kind of creepier because it's like, here's a dozen things that, you know, these 12 cases. Or say to the person, like, amongst all of these things, these hundreds of items in this room, like 12 to 15 of them are haunted things. And so like if we ever get burgled, maybe, you know, it's like to throw people off the center or something like that. But there are hundreds of artifacts here.

And if every time, like we're told, every time she does a case and she's like, weakened more and more, she'd be dust by the time if that room did that, you know, all those cases reflected in a room. Honest to goodness, Jeannie Lamp in there. Yeah. They squared off against the Wishmaster? Every time we go back to the Warren House, there should be a new addition on it. Because you've got, you know he's not stopping.

He knows he's got, he's a hoarder. Like, really he is. He's got all these, he's a ghost horse. order. Ed, why'd you put that chair you found alongside of the road in here? Well, it was still good and it might be haunted. It's moving. I saw it move. Am I crazy or is there like a Japanese suit of armor like Bruce Wayne's house kind of a scenario? Okay. That's what I want the Japan adventure. Dude, that is what they lead with. That's the first thing you see when you walk into this fucking museum room. And they have a small daughter. I mean, the museum was a real thing and that's why it's in the

movie. It's a cool idea. I mean, that's 50 bucks to get. in probably. That's the thing. That's why you need to have a hundred. Twelve things isn't going to get the tourists off the side of the road and to buy your shitty crab cake or whatever else you sell them there. Lorraine, we're competing with the corn maze. We'll never win without a, we need at least

100 artifacts. To your point though, Steve, with the kid like he notices he's talking to a reporter and they're getting a good story. I mean, I guess it's probably great PR for him. But then Judy, his daughter, sneaks in and it's totally the chief wick. It's totally the chief

we go, why must you be so obsessed with my My forbidden closet of mystery. Like, yeah. Dude, once you have a daughter, you have to have a storage facility. Several locks. You know, it's like, for us,

it's not about the money of the fucking, the tourists coming down during the leafing season. No, it's more about, it's keeping guns off the street. That's what, we're doing a public service here. And it's like, then if that's the case that these are all haunted

and you have a tiny daughter, you got a storage, storage unit that's like yeah, a priest comes in once a month. I want to that's I want the once a month exorcism. Dude like an exterminator like knock on the door. Need any service this month? You're good?

You need any weird shit lately? I was in town. Blessing other houses. Do you get, do you have any work for me? I'm just going door to door to see while here. He's in a jumpsuit. He's got the pack and he's just spraying the floor with holy water. I know we have an appointment for next week, but I just happened to be around.

I figure what's the difference? come in and yeah, send the check to the same PO box. I also handle roaches and mice. He does have that. It's a definite hoarder excuse though because the reporter rightfully is like, shit man, why don't you just set this stuff on fire? Why are you keeping it in your house? And he's like, oh, well, you know, just burning the vessel doesn't destroy the object.

Sometimes it's better to keep the genie in the bottle. I was like, any excuse to keep all this garbage in your house, dude, whatever you say. but I do like I think it's before the right after the first lecture is the cool like the title scroll and it's a very cool way

to open a movie and I think that's again a James Juan thing agreed I really love you right in yeah one said that you know one of the things for this movie that kind of carries into the second one but he loses it a little bit he only directed the first two is he wanted to really go after

like how you were making you know haunted house ghost type movies in the 70s and like that rolling credit that yellow that piss yellow that they have on that font you know it's very Texas chainsaw right like yeah complimentary meets Star Wars in a way

which is kind of sweet but it's a scroll that's like six minutes into your movie and it's of course you know the big marketing thing for this one right is like you've heard about Amityville and we just told you about this little doll adventure that they had but here's a story that's so scary they've never told it until

we made this movie. I mean, that's the thing. Everyone, this is the most malevolent. Now, this is the most malevolent. No, this was the most malevolent ghost they ever dealt with. But this story is 1971,

Harrisville, Rhode Island. We meet the Perrin or Peron family here. We got great Ron Livingston and Lily Taylor. I love these two together. This is great. And that's what sets us, and I was watching this movie after, because I haven't watched the second or third one

in a long time. since I saw them in theaters, and I'd watch the first one. I really appreciate the cast in this. It's pretty deep, you know what I mean? Like, I really like having, you know, because this could be like now, and I think of the new movie, not to be rude, it's like C.W. debt actors, you know what I mean? Like, just nobody's that are, yeah, yeah.

Michael want to do great things and not bad in the movie, but like having established presences, I'm like, oh, I'm watching a real movie. Yep, you got two great supporting characters here as the parents, and then, like, it doesn't matter. I mean, one of the kids winds up to be Joey King, which is funny. And the little girl was Rinesme and them two final Twilight movies. What? Oh, my God.

Yes, which is great. But, you know, they're kind of like, they all sort of run together. I kept trying to, like, remember all their different names. I think the littlest one is April because, like, she goes missing the longest and they're yelling her name the most. Too many kids. It's the 70s. It's a white family. They've got 100 kids.

Dude, Ron Livingston, I'll tell you what, is Roger Parenthood. why don't you fucking wrap it up buddy five kids are you kidding me shocking that they're not catholic and exactly totally they just love fucking getting it on oh well actually we have a three in college as well yeah they saw the you were playing them the annabelle clip they are yeah they sat in on your lecture last week

but yeah they move into an old creepy house classic situation the dog will not into the you know what if I'm buying a new house and I have a dog I'm bringing the dog in first and you sniff around for ghosts brother that's your job

to bring the dog to the walk through dude exactly it's like you gotta pay when you buy a house it's so stupid right you gotta pay a bunch of different people

who do a bunch of different inspections there should be a dog inspection dude you fucking take a dog through and it's like we're gonna sit and it's got to be

a sundown situation you bring this dog in after sundown let it snoop all around sniff it out if that dog pisses in the hallway and runs out the front door

don't buy it yeah you don't got ghost but you do have a 50 pounds of cocaine in the floorboards he's a he's barking towards the garage which would suggest that maybe there's a body underneath there

or you have a hive of yellow jackets that also is possible he also sniffs them out yeah this is this is Roscoe he's trained to sniff out ghost insects and yes also used to work at the airport so cocaine is on the table as well you want to be careful it's either a malevolent

spirit there sweetheart you got bedbugs and I think you'd rather have the malevolent spirit to be it's cheaper to have the malevolent spirit. Dude, it's cheaper to have the malevolent spirit. Honestly, it's less terrifying to have the malevolent spirit. Fucking 15 years ago, me will tell you all about it. Come Rosco.

Come, Roscoe. Come, Roscoe. Eat the bedbugs. There you go, Rosco. That little Roscoe, the bedbug dog, was a hero in this city, God damn it. I won't hear otherwise. Now, is there any, like, science, hard science behind dogs and cats being able to see ghosts, demons, changes in the vibe of the world? To go back to the earlier part of the episode, no, because

ghosts have never been proven to be real. Well, I don't know that. Well, I'll tell you this. You guys are cat folks and Chris and I have dogs, but both species of animals have been known to do this. You ever just be like sitting around and your dog or cat just starts like looking at

something that's not there and it's like following it across the room? I'm not saying that's ghosts, but I'm saying what the fuck are they looking at? I thought I had ghosts recently. Oh, yeah, you were just telling you. Listen, Eric, you told me this and the fucking hair on the back of my neck stood up. I'm telling you right now.

I moved into a 105-year-old house. Oh, right there, red flag, dude. I'm sorry. Ed and Lorraine are coming to your house. How many old witches used to live there? This was their land, Steve. And here I am, just farting all over the place. Did Gladys live there before?

I don't know. But here's the thing is they literally a, what's so funny, too, is a bird flew into the side of the house and broke its deck. Yes. Yes, that happened. I watched it It took a long time to die Yes, sir

Eric, I'm gonna take Your haunted dream away from you That happens I'm not kidding you Once a month at my house Dude, I think you're both haunted Double ghosts for you I have a sun room

So these fucking birds Just go directly at the window Because they can like see They can see the light From the other side Right that makes sense As hard as possible and slams Chris this was

Every day No window This was right into the siding I don't know what happened maybe he got a bug in his eye at the last second listen there's more to the story though chris it's not just birds yeah so what happened was uh you know the um the my two cats suddenly at night got themselves trapped into the bathroom with the door closed i've been closing that door and they are and you know i literally even changed the door handles because i thought

they were opening it and you know so the cats would just suddenly be in there in the middle of the night. Fuck. And I would go and let them out because I'd hear them crying at like three in the morning. And I even, I set up cameras and everything too to say why is

this door opening and closing maybe on its own or maybe the cats are getting into something they shouldn't. Did you involve an off-duty cop? Yes, I did. And I called my local demonologist and I had the Catholic church. a sexy young boy from the local college to help as well.

I call my local grifters. You set up the cameras, I'm sorry. Yes, and never caught anything on those cameras and it stopped happening. And I'm now thinking what happened was maybe I didn't close the door firm enough and it was open, like just enough for them to be able to push it open. And then their cats, they're running around. They close it behind them. They get tracked all it is. Didn't you tell, wait a second, though, but didn't you tell me that then also they got

trapped in there and they locked the door like the door was locked from the inside? Yes, actually. Thank you. You fucking left out the hair standing on my neck part. But maybe that was them just pushing up against the door. Oh, actually, no, no, no. They weren't in there that time. It was just the door was locked from the inside.

Go see? Go! You just don't know. Go! Yeah, well, it hasn't happened since. Jesus Christ, the ghost wanted to take a shit, okay? Lock the door when you take the shit. That's what happens. I don't even do that. Eric's being haunted by Jackie Gleason.

You know, whatever. You know, my belief in if ghosts exist, I think the strategy is you just stand firm. You know, you automatically have more than a ghost. You have a corporeal body.

They're just a piece of shit after crap. Yes. So who cares? You stand firm in the face of ghosts. Get an erection. That'll scare away. You are in the legal right.

You could sue this ghost into absolute hell. You can get it right back down there. My thought was always if I was in a real haunted situation that would solve a lot. Let's just get wasted every night. Like they're not going to be able to bother you. They can grab my feet all they want. I can't feel shit. I'm totally blackout drunk.

Exactly. That's how you are how you outsmart a ghost with crippling alcoholism. Sure. That's why I took up on the couch every night until I just fall asleep. Dude, you ain't going to mess with me after I've greened out, watch a Batman the animated series at 145 a.m. Good luck. Someone got to me first.

buddy. So, moving in, it's, yeah, it's, I also like, you gotta put a paint,

uh, get a couple of cans of paint in this haunted house. It looks like shit. I mean, like, it's another, you know, why don't we wait a little bit before we move in?

You know what I mean? Like, just to get a fresh coat of paint, get the old fucking furniture out of there and maybe discover the hidden basement doorway. Like, this is crazy that the basement was boarded up. only because when they're down there, Patrick, or Ron Livingston's like,

well, I guess I'll check the water heater while I'm down here. And I was like, but the basement was boarded up. Where would the access have been before? Weird. Did you not think you had a water heater before that? Like what? My attic is actually boarded up now that you guys mentioned it. Oh, dude.

The Betel juice board is up there. There's a, oh, dude, I got to go in there one day to see if there's a fucking diorama of the whole town. Call your oath. Go, get him going and have him get here. I guess I'm your Oath, though, so I'll go. I'm your Maxie Dean. We're just here to see some ghosts. I guess that makes me Dick Cavett.

Nice. We discover the boarded up cellar, which, yes, absolutely should be in the floor plan. And if that's what the water heater, that doesn't make a ton of sense. In the girls, all of the younger girls are playing hide and seek, but the way they do it is hide and clap. And like, if I'm Lily Taylor, I'm like, we're putting a stop to that. That's, A, that's annoying, and B, that's eerie as hell. We're not doing a little.

You're leaving out the blindfolded aspect, blindfolded and clapping game. Is this the Great Depression? Get these kids a calico vision. It's hide and seek, you idiots. Just play the normal game. What's wrong with you? I don't, you know, I don't know why we got to be fucking, yeah, the blindfold. But the spinning around also, like, my God,

someone's going to break their neck. Exactly. And yes, they discover that. And it's like, oh, it's really cold down here and blah, blah, blah. Like, I don't remember the first, like, there's just some creaks and stuff. You know, again, it's a ghost story movie. So we're going to kind of like. It's all the, yeah, I mean, it's all the early tropes.

Like the dog won't come in the house. All the clocks are stopping at 307. Yes. One of the little girls finds a weird piece of clown junk outside. And of course, the pervasive, why does it smell like shit? in here all the time. Absolutely. Who is,

who is farting this much? And hell yeah, farting ghost. It's crazy. That's a Joey King line because the, so night two in the house is where, yeah, she starts,

the ghost is like pulling on her feet and whatever. And this is fart night because the one girl's like, I'm over here. I'm not, I'm not messing with you. I'm trying to sleep. And she's like, and also stop farting.

It stinks. And all I could imagine was fatso from the Casper movie. farting next to this girl you'll never survive fart night he who smelt it will he who smelt it will die

how did trauma not make that movie right how did you not have just like some like big fat guy farting and guys melts and you just are we sure that they didn't make that movie dude there's been a lot of movies that those people have made that I haven't cared about I really do feel like I would have heard about that

I don't think it's trauma but there is fart the movie but there is no ghostly presence of No, there is no, yeah. No, Fart the movie has zero paranormal activity in it, unfortunately. The little girl is playing, the creepiest tree I've ever seen. I'd take this fucking thing right down. A, also this lake in the backyard, you've got five, you've got three young kids. You've got to put a gate up or something.

No, it's a 70s, dude. Fucking survival of the fittest. And she finds this thing, she's like, hey, look, I found this from the Resident Evil Corporation. Cool. Oh, yeah, I guess Mooseport is the next town over. And then we go right from there. to the umbrella corporation. Yes, not Mooseport Raccoon City.

My mistake, equally dumb name. Both terrified. Ray Romano in one, zombies and the other. Oh, hey, I think there was like a witch that killed herself in the front yard or something. I don't know. I was too busy eating ass to care

about the way. Also, Aidan Lingus will scare those ghosts away. Exactly. Oh, my God, mother. What are they doing to each other? Let's go to hell tonight. That's what the Warrens did. Well, yeah, you know, the priest comes in every month. He sprays the whole house down. And I eat

my wife's ass about once a week. So traditionally, the ghost won't bother you if you're eating your wife's ass. Actually, I have to cut back on the ass eating because of my heart. You know, he told me that you eat too much ass. Your heart just go crazy. It's just boom, boom. You remember the Rod Stewart's song, rhythm of your heart. That's what happens to me when I'm eating ass. Oh, yes, his heart beats three times in a row constantly until dawn. It's an insult to the Holy Trinity.

Yeah, you know, I know that on the outside I look like a ripped, you know, sexy brother the king of Atlanta's, but on the inside, I got the body of a big fat guy. You know what the wolf cartoon where the heart is literally jumping out to chest like that? That is what happens when my tongue is in her ass every time. We do have the really terrifying the next morning where you, and this is, again, like, for so many reasons, I'm just forever thankful I don't have children. This is on the fucking hit list walking into the room and they're talking to a friend who doesn't exist and it's like, oh, but you can see him if you look at the reflection of this fucking

haunted music box I found in the garbage. Yes. Every single invisible friend is definitely some type of demonic entity trying to... Captain Howdy, dude. That's the thing I think with all these movies and it's a thing with a lot of bad horror movies in general, especially now, not just the trauma thing and the grief thing is getting annoying enough, but the

time wasting thing is this tension builds. Yeah. Like, everything is tension built. Like, there's so little eerie, there's so many of these movies where I feel like, and this is one of them, where I'm like, we are just waiting and waiting and waiting for a jump scare, usually.

We get a couple that aren't that. There's a good pull once in a while in this movie, like a leg pull and stuff like that. I think those all look good. But, like, for the most part, I'm just like, we're really getting up to that two-hour mark by, well, this is only, what, an hour 52 or something like that, but, like, still close enough. And the whole time, I'm just like, I get it. We're just waiting for the slam, and that's it. But, like, you do that for so much.

I get, again, I get bored. I'm just like, slam the door. I know it's not going to happen now because the movie has another hour to it. But, like, just slam it. Please, I'm dying. Wake me up with a few door slams, a few extra ones. one of the girls another problem oh yeah so she's she talks to the girl

and like she finds out that there this is and you think it's gonna I do like the twist you know spoiler alert you've seen this movie already that you think that the little girl is going to get possessed but it winds up being Lily Taylor herself I do also which we also sort of set the seats for the first night she goes up to Ron Livingston

and she's like hey Mr. Shaggy Hair want to fucking Chris in the house and he's like you know it also fucking in the house with five kids. You know what I mean? Like, odds are you're making a sixth one, so that's what that is. Kids, no, that was a ghost. You heard that banging? Yeah, yeah, the

house is haunted. Yeah, that'll be. Yeah, that rhythmic banging all night was an insult to the Trinity. Yeah, that's what that was. The wailing and an insult to the Holy Trinity. Instead of saying the Holy Father, she calls him Daddy to creep out. Oh, yeah, that part where the ghost

yelled out spray on my chest. Yeah, I don't know what that was about. But it was definitely a ghost that did it. I guess, yeah, the ghost would be the one to say smack it harder in the middle of the night. That would be the, that's what a ghost would say. We can't afford another one, spray on my chest, pull it out. Then it cuts to the Daniel Stern narration. I didn't know it at the time, but my folks were really talking about this sexual awakening that they found they were having sort of midlife crisis. They were talking about cum. I didn't know about cum. I do, but the next morning, she just kind of goes like, hey, what did you do to me last night?

And Rod Livingston's like, dude, I don't know about that. But I do like immediately, it's like, we're probably going to go to a doctor. That don't look good. Yeah, yeah, that is. It's kind of weird. And they also, the movie kind of sets up, I guess, sort of two things with Rod Livingston that doesn't work out. One with the bruises, it's like they sort of kind of dip their toe. And I was like, is this guy going to be getting like blamed for domestic stuff?

But then that doesn't happen. And then also like, they sort of set up that like his job as a long haul trucker is like going to be a problem with the marriage. of the family in some way and then like it's never mentioned again like once shit hits the fan. Dude I would love you'd mention the bruising like I the domestic violence situation potentially I would love the ghost trying to

set him up and get him sent to jail. Oh yes. That's yeah there's three major there's three major stages. One is infestation two is getting the law involved. Three the phone was off the hook and 911 was called

and bruises appeared. Usually Ghosts don't go for the eyes. So this seems strange to me. I'll be honest. I do like the little moment here. She decides she's going to play hide and clap with the kid. And so funny thing here

is that, and I got to give it to this character. It must mean she's like a real honest and true person because the little girl's like, okay, you put the blindfold on mommy and I'm going to go run and you count, okay. And it's like, all right, mommy, you got to start turning in circles. And the little girl runs away. Lily Taylor not only keeps the blindfold on,

but she continues to turn around in circles when the child is not in the room. She's a real stickler for the rules. I'd be fucking cheating left and right at this stupid little kid game. What are you kidding me? It's cool because they have this. I mean, also the idea of,

the scene doesn't happen because you only find out later in the movie that the Bioro is not theirs. It was there when they got there. It was like, oh, my oldest daughter just started putting her shit in it. And I'm like, dude, that's got to go in the garbage.

I don't know. Absolutely. Especially when it's covering a fucking hole into the inner spaces of the house. But I do like this first one with the claps in the bureau And then the little girl comes in from the other room Like mom you missed me

And it's like Yeah I was in Christine and Nancy's room the whole time And it's also noticeably like A pair of like gray adult arms coming out I mean this is a class This is I think it becomes a classic shot In a lot of his movies The fact that you see the creature

But in the background It's honestly what makes so much Of those insidious movies effective Is that Exactly. I mean, I don't mind the waiting. I mean, I totally get you guys complaint on it. It's fine. I don't mind that waiting. But I think it is more successful in those insidious movies because a lot of the times it's not just like a jump scare. It is just like I'm going to pan this way and then I'm going to pan back way. And then when I pan back to the first direction, there's something just like in the frame and the background that's not jumping, but it's there and it's scary if you notice it. I think a thing about him is I honestly think part of the problem. is the fact that it's a period piece. Like, I think the fact that you put so much effort

into the production design and everything and everything looks so that, like, I get, like, swept up in that stuff rather than, like, in insidious, that home is so, like, basic, like, bullshit. Like, it's just easy setup. So that every image of the actual monsters really pops. Like, every time you see them, you're like, fuck.

I personally like the period piece of this. I think it's really, I think it adds texture. I like the, when we're moving in the house, I forget what's, it's like a deeper cut 60s or 70s song, I forget what it is, like, you know, and then the camera's zipping around, like, he knows how to make... He does that nice oneer in both of these

first two movies where it, like, gets you sort of like tuned into the layout of where most of the movie is going to... He does the same thing with the house on the second one, too. And it's not like... It's a pretty cool thing. It's not like a fucking, you know, creed in song that you've heard a million times. I mean, it's a... Fortunate son.

That'd be great. Yeah, Vietnam was going on at the time. Of course, we didn't go. I pretended that I was 4F because my I could only see ghosts By the way By now we've already got an explanation About the music box The clown junk music block

Box there that Rory Appears in the mirror when the music stops So we got Rory the ghost My friend Rory yes that's right He's always sad and I'm like I don't know Dude's like stop talking to this fucking sad ghost Like this is a fucking ghost Of course he's fucking sad

It's not all Casper kid Jesus. It's kind of funny because only somewhere around here do we get its Ed sneaking out of the house and it's like oh the local priest called me there's a case you know it should be kind of I'm just going to go inspecting myself

this is the you got bad pipes thing and it made me realize like it takes so long in both of these wand directed ones anyway for the warrants to actually like cross paths with who's being haunted and it kind reminds me the format of like murder she wrote episodes or a Colombo where

like you spend so much of the front part of the episode without like Angela Lansberry or Colombo there like Peter Fox not there it's just the story but this is like a haunted house version of that and then they they finally meet up like 40 minutes into the adventure but that's what I kind of dig because especially this first movie it's only an hour and 50 something once we get into that I mean I think the new one's like 225

and that's where it's really bloated okay that just I was gonna go see it no longer sorry take it off the calendar I think this is I think they went back to it's either this you know the new one or the last one 152 I think it's the new one three I was just looking at it because I was like maybe I'll do three tonight after we record is also again back under two

but my God 225 that's longer than the second one it is because they have to add the big thing I think not the big thing but there's a lot of biography at the end of the movie well it's it's your fucking your victory lap swan song deal yeah exactly but um

so I do also one thing we should say, the Warrens have a daughter, a beautiful daughter named Judy, who's very important in the last movie. Judy. I think she's in those Annabelle movies. And, World War Z. Lots of chickens. Lots of chickens. You'll see Judy is playing in the yard with chickens

because in the documentary MiamiVille horror, or I think, is that what it's called? Yes. They interview Lorraine Warren, and this house is festooned with birds. It is just fucking, she's an old crazy. lady just living alone with all these fucking

things and she holds up these two birds she goes they're brothers they're identical twin identical twin roosters look at them and it's like you can't separate them if you separate them they come and attack you this is the daughter grown up yourself no no this is Lorraine as a psycho old lady

and this movie is sort of hinting to it because you see they have like this one little bird in a pen in this movie but yeah oh wow Steve you just reminded me that I saw that movie I have C put that out like theatrically, whatever that was, 15 years ago. And you want to talk about crocks of shit. It is that guy's story. But yes,

I forgot about the fucking chickens and everything that she's, because they interview her, of course, for the whole deal. Did a ghost make the chickens? No, they're just making the chickens. Would you like a gallon of chicken but for a dollar? It's a ghost chicken. Oh my God. Burke, bark, burr.

The amount of chicken ghosts I've created, holy crazy. All righty. Yeah. Okay. Thanks for coming in off the turnpike. Welcome to Warren World. You got over here, you got chicken island back there. That's going to be 25 cents a gander for the chickens and the kiddos are like that. And over here's my haunted museum of magic

back there. It's also $500 a ride for the elephant, by the way. The new price, you understand. So you owe me $497. Oh, man. So Lily Taylor, in this

playing the game in this moment, this is where she hears the clapping or whatever and then all of these like frame photos start getting smashed off the walls we hear a little kid laughing and this is she takes a fucking header down these basement stairs and this is the first of multiple moments of this movie where she will be thrown around yes and i i understand that even back then probably the going to the hospital or the doctor was not a great thing and it costs money but go to the doctor now yeah like immediately what are you If you have a creepy

fucking house, listen, this home safety to begin with, like you get a fire extinguisher in the house, you have a flashlight. You don't walk around lighting matches. I know you think you've got a farting ghost. You want to see what lights up. That's how you see the direction. It is great because they go down

like she takes a big header down these stairs. This is a cool sequence with the clapping hands and stuff like that, right? This is about this. Yeah, this is also well, yeah, the class, yeah, she hears like kids or whatever and she's walking around this basement. we get a little bit of a I'm not going to say it's a changeling ripoff

because like they didn't invent balls running around but just there is a an eerie red ball that just rolls out of nowhere and freaks her right out and the light ball blows out and she runs back up those stairs and this is where we get those hands clapping behind her which I still think is the best part of the movie

it is it's a great it's a great because it's an unexpected you know to Chris's point like a lot of the jump scares we see have been you know it's hard to reinvent the wheel jump scare wise this was one that nobody saw coming, especially at the theater. You should see these things come out of nowhere clapping. It's like, oh, fuck.

Yes, I think this may have been the fucking hat folding moment, if I had to guess. But while this is, I mean, this is a wild sequence too, because while this is all going on, right, this is also where the rest of the girls are being haunted. So, like, the one girl's banging her head against the arm wire. And then the other two are watching as, like, the creepy witch lady's, like, on top of the bureau and she jumps down on one of the girls. Straight from Evil Dead this lady is, which is pretty cool. It is kind of a, like a deadite kind of slash kung fu movie jump that this thing does.

And I also think that there's a cool sequence. We don't have to talk about the whole thing. But like, because a lot of the stuff kind of mimics the same stuff. But when Joey King's sleeping and like they keep pulling on her feet and then like she looks under the bed and the camera goes underneath. And again, like this is like good wand stuff that I think elevates this movie. But like watching this movie made me realize. Like I gave, I think the new one two and a half stars after I saw it. And then after I saw this is like, can I take a star away?

because like you can always take the star away because it just was like this is what I want in these movies it's like this kind of stuff. This is a smart ghost thought because usually ghosts and boogerman and all those things live under the bed and this ghost is smart enough to hide behind the door. But that's what I really like

about this sequence as far as yeah it is hard to reinvent the wheel see if you're totally right but what I like about this moment is you've got Joey King being like there's someone right behind you it's in the corner of the room and the other girl's like no there's not and the other girl's like no there's not And there's literally, from the audience perspective, there's literally nothing there.

Yes. Like, there's nothing that you can see in the frame. And that's this really great moment, I think, of, like, you're watching it for the first time as an audience member, like, fuck, is there something there? And you're, like, peering in. But then you also know, like, the history of jump scares and their ubiquity in movies like this.

So then you're also kind of like, oh, I'm not going to get fooled. I'm not going to look too close at the screen or do I dare. And, like, ultimately, it's just nothing winds up being there. And I think that's very smart. Well, you get that door slam, which is sort of a jump scare. It's like you're a signing off of AOL instant messenger, baby. With the volume all the way up. Yes.

Dude. Fuck. Dude, that scared the shit out of me a few times. Woke my mother up a couple times. Yeah. There's a ghost in the computer, Chris. Yeah.

Yeah, no, no. Don't come out here, though. Don't please don't come out here. What is that? What is that rhythmic padding sound? That's a ghost. I'm playing ping pong with myself. Oh, that's an affront of the holy tree.

Trinity, what you're doing in there? Uh-huh. I know. And then I committed an affront of the Holy Trinity again. Oh, dude. I lost count. So Lily Taylor eventually tracks down the Warrens. They're lecturing in Massachusetts.

Swindling in Massachusetts. Get a good swindle going. They're blowing through Western Massachusetts, swindling every fucking community college along the way. That school should be uncredited after a half. absolutely they're showing like footage of this exorcism that they did and it's like oh yeah then like the cross an upside down cross appeared under his skin and all this stuff and they turned the projector up and all the people are like wow that was crazy and then Patrick Wilson this isn't verbatim of course

but he's basically like well anyway you know that exorcism didn't work and a few days later that guy tried to kill his wife and then killed himself anyway we did nothing to help it's kind of oh yeah so he killed uh then he's like yeah but he's molested by that guy had a lot of Listen, that guy was messed up before we got there. It's going to be really clear about that. Right. That's not us. The checks cleared and the body bounced.

But she confronts them after the lecture. Well, real quick, Steve, there's a thing that he pulls up the film strip there and the three stages of demonic activity. This is important for us to learn. Okay. It's always be closing. Okay. The door. So the ghost can slam it ahead of time.

And you need brass balls to go up against ghosts like this. But it's actually infestation, oppression, and possession. Yeah, the three stages of demonic possession is landownership, disposable income. Because you're going to want your target. I mean, you're a person that you're worried about to have some disposable income for ghost tests and what have you. Because it's real easy to do poor people, but they're not going to be able to pay you nothing. you know what i can't tell you all about it right here how about you buy my book and i set of audio tapes i have here they're only a hundred and fifty dollars u.s see the first

the first step when you get there when you find one of these people you're just good at what we call a mark i mean no a customer no i'm an inflicted person you size up their wardrobe you see now is it uh are they dressed well or they dressed poorly look at the shoes shoes always Lily Taylor is like oh you know we got these we got these ghosts and they're like how many acres of land hey all right I like where this is going ah geez

your husband does what for a living oh but he gets a lot of overtime huh oh that's good and he won't be around and I can fill your head with a bunch of ideas okay what's that I'm seeing a watch on it is that a fancy watch he has around his wrist oh that's a very nice lot now did he buy that or is that a family airily

oh it was a Christmas present just last year was it interesting oh my god look Look at that rock. Write that down, Lorraine. Well, let's just check. If we were to investigate your house, what kind of lunch are we talking here? We're talking like a little box guy. Are we talking like a good chicken situation? Oh, geez, yeah.

At three, no, no, yeah, no, the ghost killed your watches. I mean, that Rolex is kind of worth nothing now, you know? I mean, if maybe I take it. I'm going to take it back to the haunted museum, you understand. Yeah. Ah, yes. Ooh, she stopped at 307 again. Yeah, no, no, I'll take this in for you.

Don't worry about it. But I'll get you a nice, you know, one of those digital things to hold you over while I fixed this and get the ghost out. hilarious thing. So, like, she goes up there and, like, there's this, the threat of the early part of the movie, which did he's through this movie. And actually, they kind of switched this in later movies. And the first one, it's like Lorraine, oh my, it's a very like Gene Gray in the X-Men, the animated series. Like, if you use your psychic power, you're going to faint. You know what I mean?

Like, if you use this too much, I'm afraid for you kind of. thing. So, you know, Ed is reluctant to take the case. Lorraine has to. So they have this conversation in the car at the, at the thing. We're all wearing the same clothes. And then like, I guess Lily Taylor is like, I'm going to go home and like, yeah, we're going to go fuck off to the bar because she's, by the time they get there, she's been in the house for a while. And I'm like, wouldn't you follow her? Like, I don't understand how that worked. Well, maybe they'd like go home and get some of their recording equipment or, you know, pack a suitcase or some such. Pack of money sack Oh hey hon

You got our empty bag With a dollar sign on it So we can take the payment before we leave I think I left one into Chevrolet Maybe I'll go get her The Warrens show up They meet in all 15 of their children And like you know

I think it for my guy Really like as an actress I like her in this sequence Kind of going around And like she's being very motherly And nice but also like you can tell There's other stuff going on behind the eyes She knows from the jump.

She said she's like the dog, dude. She's just as in tune. She knows immediately like, oh, these people are fucked. There's like really something bad. You hear that cash register sound and her eyes turn into dollar signs. Oh, these people can be bilked, Ed. These people can be built for hundreds. You know, we get the image.

She goes outside and we see, you know, Patrick Wilson comes out like, hey, you, you all right in there hon what's going on or whatever and she sees the i think this was in the trailer she sees the feet swinging behind him it's cool it's from the tree yeah it's it's and i like that you don't see yes the entirety of what she's looking at in that moment it's kind of a nice they hold that a little bit or whatever but yeah of course you're going to recommend a house cleaning to these people oh you know for 59 95 we can get in tomorrow and start work get a landscaper out here to cut down this hanging tree if if you would please this is the first thing i'd be like get this If that is what has actually happened at this tree, get it the fuck out of it.

It's probably rotting anyway. You want to get it off your land. But do you want to disturb the headless horseman is the question. You know, you take that risk every day, Eric. He's got a line around here, Patrick Wilson does, that I wanted to address it here because, Steve, we've been doing like this voice with him. He's kind of putting something on in this movie. Yes. I will say in the second one, he's kind of just talking like Patrick Wilson.

I don't know what he sounded like in that fourth one. but in this one he is still trying to do something with the voice and it is great right here because he's explaining about like you know because she's saying like look I noticed right when I walked in you have these entities that are attached to you and he

because he has to be like translator guy for the lay people in the room and he's like sometimes when you get haunted it's a little bit like stepping in gum stepping in gum it's such a funny it's a great Patrickless line I really love it

yeah it follows you around it's like step and gum, you never scrape it off and you just keep it there forever. You're just a lazy piece of shit and you never take it off. And your house needs an exorcism. Really? I thought that just happened to people. No, it happens to houses.

Oh, yeah. That's going to cost you. I mean, a person exorcism is 2599, you understand. But for the whole house, oh, that's going to be 400 bucks, 400 big ones. Oh, hon, is it, but is it after the 15th? Oh, yeah, the mid-month sales kicking in, hon. You're right. he does we do have one of the earliest versions of a podcast here he sits down in the the the kitchen area with lily taylor and ron livingston and he's like okay i'm here with the parents here and there's uh we're gonna talk to her and a hold yes this is brought to you of course by draft kings uh just a special parley a ghost parley you're gonna want to have there all the unders you're gonna get to get when you uh you got such a sickly disease you you got such a sickly disease

like gambling addiction and hauntings at the same time and you've got to figure out if that ghost is going to win the tip off, you go to Draft Kings. Let me ask you, Roger Perone there, who do you got this weekend in the big game? Let's tell our fence, that's his pick. We know you have a choice in THG Gummies, and we would like that you use mood,

and we would love that you use more of them. Actually, Cindy, could you, I'm a little famished. Could you get me a hamburger steak going? If it was a 1970s podcast, it'd be like, It's brought to you by Winston Cigarettes and also the commission to not ever drink water. If you want to look 57

when you're 32, stop drinking water now. But he has this whole interview with her and then like when they get back to the house it's kind of cool. He's like, hey, I and I've got this great podcast. I can't release it because the Darren audio is mixed up. Apparently none of

Lily Taylor's audio comes through, which is kind of a cool, creepy. This is, I mean, what I like about this movie, which is, I think it's in the second one, too, but less so, because I like all the process stuff. I do, like, with all the cameras and the fucking microphones, they really, one really sinks his teeth into this and I think it adds to the movie. I like that scene, because that's, I don't think that's much of the movie. Like, if that was more of the movie, I think I'd enjoy it more. But because it is just that one, like, and it's a pretty big sequence, so it's not like it's, totally not there but like of course James Juan has talent and I think this is

exactly the kind of stuff I love this stuff with Officer Brad and Drew I think they're great I love those Officer Brad and Drew are awesome I mean the funny thing is I think this is a less entertaining to me personally version of the Ghostbusters from the insidious world those two Australian dudes one of which of course is

what's his face Lee Wynnell and then Steve your buddy Angus oh Angus what's his face oh cry oh he'll Angus? Simpson? No. There's two Anguses. He's a fat kid.

He's going to high school and he's trying to figure it out and his granddad is, what's his name? Oh, you know, you're thinking of the motion picture, Angus. Angus Samson, who I didn't sing karaoke with, but it was at a karaoke night with in Los Angeles by accident once. Did you sing in front of Lin Chey as well? I did not. I would love to serenade Lynn Shea, the fucking shitty karaoke. bar somewhere. But anyway, yeah, no, I love the tech stuff. It is, I will say, Steve, I believe, a little

lesser in the second movie. You've got, like, weird characters like that Simon McBurney or Simon Bernie guy who's like an English like TV show host who's trying to get the scoop and Franca Patente is like the person who's like, no, they're just trying to bilk the English government for a new house or whatever.

And in the third and last movie, I believe, definitely in the last one again, I haven't seen the third in a while. There's none of that. It's just the Warrens going around, being the Warrens, And I'm like, I need a little bit of extra stuff. Give me the, what the fringe guy is like the bookends of that movie, right? Oh, John Noble in the third movie, I believe. That's right, yes.

And then, oh, at 307 a.m., the recording like kicks on or whatever. Isn't that like, oh, because they're doing more research about everything. And this is where we find out like, oh, the house was built by this dude who was married to a real witch. And the witch sacrificed a baby when it was seven days old as an affront to God and then kill. herself by hanging herself in the tree and now anyone who's owned that property has befallen you know similar heinous acts right she'll kill

who anyone he takes her land I guess that was her land right yes and Rory the little boy Rory went missing in the woods and I wish we learned more about that but nope the Walker family in the 1930s that's when Rory disappears then the mother then hangs

herself in the cellar another boy drowned in a pond and then the woman who worked at the neighbors committed suicide too. I guess that's the maid we see. Yeah, that's the maid. The witch part is, I mean, it's, again, it's cool for this movie, but it is kind of odd because it's basically like, oh, yeah, the sale of witch trials, which we all know was totally on the up and up. They were only catching actual witches at the time. Of course. They were great demonologists, those guys. But no, you're totally right, Steve. They do act as if it was a flawless record on the Salem

the witch trials. But weren't, aren't, like, witches of those ilk, like, people? Like, they say that this demon never, like, it's an inhuman spirit. It's never actually walked the earth. Yeah, it has no human form. So I guess it possesses that lady and makes her a witch. Yes. That's what I mean. I think it's kind of like, it was a possessed lady who also happened to be a witch, maybe. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Because I guess the witches would love, like, yeah, enter me, Satan, right? Of course. Right. That's what you want. That's like, top of the pops, isn't it? That's the end point of it all. It's another great Patrick Wilson delivery here when they're setting up all the tech and whatever. And he's

trying to like explain to Ron Livingston what they're doing and why. And he points to like where Ron Livingston is standing. And he's like, yeah, this is where to which committed suicide there. Right where you're standing. And he's like, this is getting weird. Like right there or she's hanging. Around this time, it's also when we get Ed Warren like place. using religious artifacts around the house to piss them off. He tinkles the piano keys. They hate this. They hate this.

We also find out that very, very pointedly, the parents never baptized their kids. They were never super religious, which will come in later. How have your eggs been? Have your eggs been frying on anything? Has any polona thrown out yet yet? What's the inside that fridge looking like? Do you see any fucking portals to another dimension in there or what? Any dogs or anything inside the,

refrigerator. There is like, you know, he places all the crucifixes, which it's a cool, like, yeah, they, they respond poorly to having Christian iconography all over the place. And they got the whole house wired for sound and everything. And we got this great, Brad, get the camera. And it goes into POV filming mode, which I do like, and it does stay in it for a decent amount of time as they're like walking through

the house. And I like the effect of, like, when they go into the POV mode, all you can hear is the little runner mic that Ed is running into the tape. So it's like when Patrick Wilson like turns like he turns and follows the sound. It's a pretty, it's a pretty neat little thing. It's a nice touch. That's why those, that's why people watch those dumb ghost hunting shows.

It's like it's, it's creepy seeing something just from a camera's perspective in the dark. I think that's a big reason why not only paranormal activity, but this series has done so well is because of like there are all these couples on YouTube who have like devoted their lives or their off time to going into the woods and hunting for ghosts together and like God bless you if you have a hobby that's fantastic and I'm not going to take that away from you but my God like that's I think they're like oh it's like us it's what we do all the time I think that's what they connect with right and have we were together when we were

over in the UK I found myself after after tipping point would go off the air for the night we We were watching a lot of the game show Tipping Point on a hotel TV. Yes. I was finding myself watching this other equally scary British show called Help My Houses on it. Really? Okay, I need to hear about this because it's the yuck. And those houses are way older than ours. Well, let me tell you.

One thing was I definitely sent you guys a picture of the TV when I was watching it. When I remember I sent you that image of a guy, the crazy mustache and like the super neck tattoos and the dumb hat. That's this show. Okay, great. He's like, he's like the leader of this group of people. And they do all of this shit, right? It's all the insidious stuff. Like, it's all the tech all over the place.

But the best part about it was like, I seriously must have watched at least like, I don't know, 10 episodes of this thing over the course of five days. Like nine of them, they should have called the show, Help, My Pub is Haunted. Almost every single one of them. It wasn't a house. Like, maybe there was an apartment upstairs. Every single one of them was like, me pub's haunted and I need your help. question how old were these ghosts

were they like they think they was like King Arthur was in my house I didn't I didn't encounter any like knights or anybody from the Elizabethan era or anything like that it was a lot of like

modern ghosts someone in the last like 60 years you know fell down a well or got shot in the back over a matter of $80 a lot of starving Irish maybe during the whales the whole time there's too many to count there

so we were pretty sure this probably was on because, you know, Roger there was on his stool as always and he fell off of it after only a couple of drinks and everyone knows Roger can keep his old liquor. So we think a ghost must have shoved him.

I do want to underline that. I don't think America has ghosts. I do think England has ghosts. This is a very specific difference to me. I think they have them for sure. We absolutely do not. So none of them came over on the Mayflower Chris. Not a single ghost?

No, are you kidding? me they fucking starved on the boat like the rest of them well first of all first of all let me say the people got off the mayflower and got busy making fucking ghosts of their own over here yeah plenty of ghosts don't even worry about it guys america has ghosts do not worry about it well that's actually now an interesting question because you're saying there's no king arthur ghosts in modern britain perhaps back in the mayflower era back when it was you know back in the day maybe they had King Arthur ghosts then because it was more recent.

Well, listen. Pardon me? I will say, I don't know that a ghost can just age out, so that seems weird. But I will also say, I'm just, I'm not saying there aren't any King Arthur era ghosts. I'm saying that of the nine to ten episodes

of Help My House is Haunted that I watched, they all seem to be like late 19th into the 20th century ghosts. How about some Roman ghosts, some Lundinium books? Oh, I like this. Just a ghostly chariot goes down the street. That'd be so cool. You guys would have so much better ghosts than us if you actually started talking about that shit. But anyway, there's a lot of, I think I'd like this part of the movie kind of like, you know, the family and the ghost hunters kind of become one unit.

There's this one scene where like. They're doing chores for them. Ed is like, oh, yeah, that car ain't starting. I got it. Don't worry. I saw a carburetor. Like, he's just, like, going around, buying them, buying them stuff, fixing stuff around the house. Well, you got to keep the marks happy.

Yeah. He's such a good guy, this guy. Can you believe it? That's when they treat them to a big pancake breakfast. Remember when I said that I wasn't charging him for the carbon. It is on the bill because the labor wasn't included, you understand. The carburetor was free, but the labor is really what, yeah, it's pretty much. Carburetor is free, but my time is not.

You see how that works. You know what? I'll bill you later. It's okay. We don't got to think about it now. You got enough on your head. I understand that. But later on,

you will be getting a bill in your mailbox. That's what I mean, look, I just had a whole fucking deal with my cat. We took him to the vet. We got like the bill at the end. The line items on this bill. And I mean,

you know, vets are great and all that stuff. It's just what I just, I think the warrants is the same thing. It's like fucking, how is this $4,000? When did this happen? I hear you, Steve. Medi cat for all is what I've been saying.

Thank you. I agree. Well, I've been, I've been stressing for years the importance of pet insurance, by the way. So I will put that out there. I did get, I did get that for my new batch. So, thank you. Yeah, the kitten is insured. Ripley, sadly is not.

Yeah. Bummer. But so. This is where shit kind of starts hitting the fan because, like, this is where Lorraine sees. This is a cool effect, I thought. Because also, we're fixing cars for these people. We're hanging their laundry up in the backyard. Oh, yes.

she puts the sheet up and the wind kind of takes it off the laundry line and it bumps into like a ghost like it the sheet wraps around an invisible human I dig this I like I really hated this I really didn't like this I thought this is so fucking fake this is so fuck I'm sorry but the blow away like it looks I'm like when it catches I'm like all right that's an interesting idea but the minute like it goes up and then there's like there's a lady in the window now what if I told you it actually happens Oh, wow. Is your hair standing up now? Oh, yeah. It's just scared out of my mind right now. Remember? Oh, yeah.

Well, that matters a lot. It does. It has to be right there. I disagree. I mean, it's your class. I mean, like, because the, the sheet ghost is, or classic ghost. And like, it's so not scary anymore so much. So it's a joke in beetle goose, beetle juice.

No, don't say that. Don't say it right again. Oh, dude, no. Beetle goose is when he goes around fucking pinching babes butts. Hey, hey, bum on, get a little beetlegoose in there. But I, you know, to reinvent that for this movie for a hot second, I was like, oh, cool, you know what I mean? Like, it's a neat idea. Well, you just reminded me, beetle juice is sort of a King Arthur ghost.

He lived through the Black Plague or whatever. That's true. King Arthur was not the Black Flake. He didn't exist. What? What are you going to tell me Jesus didn't exist yet? Next. Come on.

God damn, dude. King Arthur was around. he lived with the dinosaurs at the same time well you just watch okay because holding Caulfield is going to fucking haunt your ass and you know that you know that shit I'd rather have King Arthur than that moody bitch

oh you're taking me skating thank you so much Holden you that's a ghost that's always sad let me tell you about it oh your brother's a screenwriter oh god with this kid shut up can I meet your brother could you introduce me to your brother I would love to meet him so like you know the ghost upstairs lily taylor gets attack somewhere around here and the demon fucking pukes in her mouth and i think that it's supposed to be like the you know event zero moment like the possession happening here or whatever and then she's like oh no everything's cool you know she's like now she's very dear anyway i think lily taylor is good in this movie as like doing both like the there's this like real and the ending of this movie is whatever it is but like this like day at the beach moment is a bit much i wasn't

care for it. I don't really need the fucking backstory about your fun beach photo. Well, oh, come on guys. How is the wonderful ending of this ever going to work if we don't look at the beach day? I love that you're taking like a, like this movie is based on true effects or

true events, quote unquote, right? And you have like the ending of this thing, like this wild, creepy ride. It's so stupid. Be so unsatisfying that you change it entirely for this movie you're making about it. Sure. I do, the photo, I couldn't help but think about the Kruger beach incident.

You know, it's the same thing. Somebody fucking stole a boombox or whatever happened, threw it in the water. You have lost a lot of soul. I'm aware. We get there's a cool moment around. So like basically like now this is like big haunt night sequence, right? This is when it starts with like the cop getting freaked out by the wind chimes and we've got the rocking chair moving and the is the look what she made me do

and it's like the maid with the slit wrists and everything and I think this is where I believe is this when Elizabeth Warren with Lorraine Warren falls through the house like 50 feet is this the same evening when she gets home alone yes this is at this part

yeah you're right I mean and again like I mean because I think it's one point Ron Livingston because he's like oh yeah he had a witch commit suicide and like 14 other suicides like, but we just did an auction from the bank. They never told us. I'm like, you got fucking hos. This thing is a fucking mouth. This is a death trap house. I'll tell you what.

Apparently if if the IMDB trivia is to be believed, the state of Rhode Island where this is taking place does not have a law that says like you have to tell a prospective buyer if like horrible things have happened in the house. Like some places have that. It's like if there was a murder here. Like you have to

disclose it or whatever in Rhode Island apparently does not have that long i honestly don't think it's a big deal people die in houses constantly and my house is 105 years old you think i'm sure someone died in this room i'm in and it's fine we're cool together right well that's that's why your cats are being locked in the bathroom every night but if i just don't care enough it doesn't exist i'll tell you what dude i think you recording this episode in your home office where you are right now these entities are hearing you man and they're getting pissed off at all the shit that you were slinging about the existence of ghosts you're going to have a horrible night's sleep tonight

dude they might be coming for you we'll see if my clock stop at 307 set your phone alarm for 308 and see if all the clocks are up in houses all the time like we're talking about the UK the yuck over there they've got you know presumably thousands of people died in every house there quite a lot sure

yeah I could go either way I personally if I found out like if I was going to buy a house and someone was like oh yeah and where you're going to be sitting night after night, watching X-Files reruns as you fall asleep high out of your mind, there was a quadruple murder, a fall-on family

annihilation happened. Someone told me that about this out. It would be a great negotiating tactic. Bring down the price then. Yeah, take off an entire 10-K due to the probably haunted clause. Or pay for the exorcism of the house, you know.

Oh, there you go. Add it in it. Just give it a spray. I think it roughly so she falls to the floor because this is where like the one girl goes missing and they're like, she goes into the bedroom and disappears. They find very pseudo narnia. There's like a, oh,

the, the fucking chest of drawers here goes deeper. And Lorraine crawls through the hole and she sees the girl in the inner workings of the wall or whatever. And she's just, yeah, standing there and just falls through it like. There's a couple of movies where that. Does that happen

in the money pit? Is it falling through that? Yes. I believe so. Yeah. And the Matrix? The Matrix, that's, I think I was thinking of the Matrix, yes. But the little girl says that Heidi hole in the wall is where Rory goes when he gets scared. And I thought maybe we might have, like, maybe the little boy ghost is going to help him out. Maybe he doesn't like the fucking nasty old maid and this, you know, evil dead lady, you know. Well, you do have that in some ghost house stories, right?

Where it's like, this one ghost, yeah, it's like it's just an innocent kid. And it is terrified of like the big, scary, demonic, whatever. Although I am glad that there's no shot in this movie of like a little ghost boy reaching his hand out to save the little girl from falling out a window or something. That's six cents. I mean, that's the sixth sense, right? A lot of innocent, you know, they're just everyday people. That's a good ghost movie. Great ghost movie.

Yeah, she falls down and then there's like this older woman who's holding little boy and there's another look what she made me do kind of a thing. Like this is kind of giving you the theme of what. the thing is all about. There's a jump scare of this lady in the basement, though, that got... This may have also been the hat crinkling. I cannot confirm, but this is fucking terrifying. She's right in the camera. It's pretty spooky.

And like, stuff starts happening in the basement. And as she's trying to leave earlier in the movie, Judy has given her a locket, you know, given Lorraine a locket, and it gets ripped off by the ghost or by the demon here. And you,

it's very pointed that the demon now has the lock. The baby gave the mom a locket. Yes. Interesting. She's going out. Now how old's that daughter? That daughter's like fucking 12 years old. Well, it's 1973. She probably works down at the filling station.

Saved up for it. Good for her. Hey, your manager's on. Hey, Judy, your manager's on the phone. No, you're getting your days mixed up, sweetheart. It's not a school day. You're going to work today. Get down there. remember you're the assistant manager of the mobile station you know you're going to have to start doing your own laundry too here i'm not going to be responsible for all these motor oil stains on your coveralls okay come on sweetheart you better get down to the service with the star because it's your shift to do payroll get going remember smile with the service okay and when you're when you're there can you pick me up a pack of smokes no you you you smoke the marbs i do the parliaments you you you the marbs are yours i know that you that's your brand uh at And a bag of the salt and vinegar, if you wouldn't mind.

I know they just restocked. Hell yeah. And a six pack of Bud Heavies, Daddy's had quite a night with these ghosts. So the next morning, the Ed's like, okay, I think the whole purpose of this, by the way. I don't know if we mentioned this, but they have to get all this, quote, unquote, proof so they can sell the local priest on making a request to the Vatican for an actual exorcism to happen. This is Father Gordon, by the way, who returns in Excercerpt. in the last rights. I think Father Gordon is also in part two

for two seconds. I think it's the same guy. I think he's even in the third one, but I might be wrong. So they're like, okay, we can go to this dude now or whatever, so we're going to get out of your hair here finally and Lorraine goes down to the docks really quickly and sees a vision of their dead daughter, Judy, floating by

this dock here and she freaks out, takes it as some kind of warning that they got to get out here. I love, they cut to this priest and this dude is like holding his hand over his mouth like he's going to vomit. He's so freaked out by the footage. Well, that they're not baptized

or in the Catholic Church so the Vatican might not want to assist. And I'm like, absolutely, by the way. Sorry that you turned your back on the religion and you made, you started believing these heretic beliefs of Protestantism. It's disgusting. This is your consequences. You fuck around

and find out, Chris. It is disgusting. There's no proof that these people are lapsed Catholics. I don't think they ever say that once. They say they're not Catholic. Yeah, they're not, they're specifically not Catholic. Not Catholic, but they're not loud. They didn't turn their back on shit.

They never were to be getting. Well, then good luck. We got Catholics that are being possessed. We got to work on. Jesus. These are your demons. You got to get out there and fix my fucking house. I know,

I'm sorry, I didn't fucking sign the right form, but these are Catholic demons? I mean, if that's, if it's the one true religion and this is, you know, what's going on? aren't we supposed to be sending these things back

to hell or not? I'm just saying you got to paint an indulgence for that. I mean like I guess your dues aren't fucking paid up. Some collection plate got not full. You two are talking nothing because Ed can fucking do it. Well, I don't I like that drives me crazy.

Ed can't do it. Ed can do it. Isn't that what happens? No, I know, but it's it's bullshit because he does not possess the divine power to do so, Chris. I'm sorry to tell you. Only fucking cardinals and above can do it. There you go.

Does he ever do it in any other movies or he never does it again? No, he's doing it. He's doing it. Why not say that right then? In the Catholic mythology, you're not allowed to do. Like, lay people cannot do that. That's the thing is, that's, exorcism is the Catholic thing. Sorry, like, I don't know what to tell you. Like, you're not Catholic, so you don't get one.

I love the priest is just sitting his office and he's like, oh, and Lorraine, yeah, this tape is very disturbing. He said it was the who, the Rosenstein family. I don't know about that I do love again it is this very like work-a-day thing where the guy's like well I'm gonna go to the Vatican

and that's gonna take a couple of days and it's just like it's that Simpson thing is like well it's gonna take me three days to get the part and that's if I order it today which I won't they should get some second opinions and look at other denominations

to try to handle this like maybe one of those guys that screams and gets bitten by snakes all day. One of those guys comes over. Oh, a snake handler. He's just growing hucking snakes down the haunted hallway. Yeah, that's a whole religion in this country of ours. Sure. But so she, that's

they race home after that she, you know, Lorraine's worried about Judy. They called the house, the grandmother's watching them and she's like, oh, Judy's fine. But then we kind of get this sequence, which I think I might be alone here. I actually like this

sequence because it obviously this was made this was sort of made to be a franchise they they they there's a sequel set up but they there's a sequel set up I don't think they for any second dreamed of the enterprise that they were truly that's what I mean and they don't leave any powder dry

it's like we we started with Annabelle we're not going to save it for the sequel we're going to have another Anna we're going to show what happens if the Haunted Museum comes out to play like I appreciate that about this movie because I think a lot of newer franchisee kind of movies would be like, we're

not doing that in this one, but come back tomorrow. Yeah, exactly. Right. But yes, the door to the mysterious room of secrets has been opened and Judy's like, well, I gotta fucking check that shit out. And she goes in, the Annabelle is out of its crate. I really like the shot of like darkness

consuming the actress in the room. That was kind of a cool moment or whatever. We got it with some classic conjuring banging starts happening. I just want the samurai to come out just once. You know what I mean? Start slicing people up. Yes, that would be fucking sweet. Isn't there?

There's some super low budget Midwestern movie where like a samurai comes back to life and starts killing people. It's not good. No, I've definitely seen that too. It's a haunted samurai movie. It's not good at all. But it's kind of fun in its own way. But you get this creptacular shot of this old lady ghost who we don't see brushing the hair of this doll and the doll just turning its head around to Judy like how's it going

and I do think that again the animal design it's it's the same thing that's the problem with insidious the fucking Darth Mall dude it's the James Juan kind of problem like I think it would be creepier if it was a less bespoke creepy doll like it would look like a normal doll it would be fucking

eerier the second the second movie has that too with that the tall man thing and there's this it is just speaking of fucking beetle juice dude it is like right out of a Tim Burton nightmare that thing and I was like I don't know that that fits into what this movie is going for, like stylistically, you know what I mean? But I do like the nun.

The nun. The nun is, the nun is creepy. The nun, yeah, the nun, which is all throughout part two, yeah, winds up being the titular nun. But I love this Nana sleeping through all this fucking street. This happens in both of these movies where, like, loud terror is happening while other people are in the house sleeping. and like it takes way too long for other characters to get hip that someone six feet away is screaming at the top of their lungs. And I guess you can make the argument, Nana, you know, maybe she never fucking hearing aid in or whatever.

But like all the little kids like in that house, when one room of kids is screaming, the other room of kids is sleeping through it. And I refuse to believe that in that case. Nana had a double Atavan tonight and went right to fuck out. Yeah, warched it down with a couple of tall glasses, a blue nun, definitely. Nothing's coming up.

I was playing drunk gold go fish with your daughter there But yeah I love this The Patrick Wilson's trying to get into the room And the fucking the rocking chair goes flying This nefarious CGI rocking chair Pretty great But it turns out Annabelle's like back in the case So end of Annabelle short film part two in this movie

Exactly But it's like oh you know This is when they're like The only way it's got us now we have to go back and do this and we can't wait for the Vatican you know what I mean all the red tape and like oh my god the fucking Vatican forget it I mean the Vatican they're the only ones to do it oh but also

if you think about a beach day that also can stop you think about a beach day and you're not Catholic you can get rid of the ghost so yes they do they race back to the house let's finish this together you know I do love the fucking cop so they're like there's a moment here where like they're trying to get into the house and it's it's locked or whatever this cop just shoots a shotgun

at the door i'm like what if the haunted or possessed little girl is right but what are you doing officer rickie or whatever this guy's name is we got an ally on the other side yeah because the the parents have like gone to a motel at this point and lily taylor has taken the two youngest daughters back to the house in a full she's fully possessed yes exactly so now we're back at the house and like yeah both brad and is it uh i forget his name the other guy. Drew are now like helping and like you know this is they get the first daughter out first. We can't buy the other daughter is kind of what's going on missing. We see there's a really terrifying shot of Lily Taylor like chasing this girl with a huge pair of scissors which is wild

but this is like you know if we take her out. Oh this is yeah they're trying to remove her from the house. Yes. And they won't let her cross the doorway and they're like oh it's a bad line man but it's a oh no yeah if we take her out the witch will kill her is what it's like oh that's right but she starts like almost like burning from the inside out when they try to take her across the threshold but then so like this is this is where we're talking about before because she at the earlier in the film she takes that header down the stairs yes uh which is wild but this is like by god it's a basement match like she gets pulled down the hallway down the stairs she's getting rocked across this basement holy shit she's not she's not a big bruiser lily taylor i don't know she's got a

broken arm. And also, now that I was her running around with the scissors and like the little girl and all this stuff and all the shit she's doing to this dirt her. This might be a thing that the family doesn't come back from. Exorcism or no. You know what I mean? Like. Yeah, it's like if your mom was fucking catfish

and you, your family's not coming back from that either. Exactly. But yeah, I love that. Father Gordon won't make it in time. I have to do this exorcism. God damn. And I I am going to argue with you. I do. because it doesn't make sense either way, right? It doesn't make sense that...

It's a made-up thing, let's be honest. Well, because it's not like you get rid of the ghost by thinking of a beach day. That is like the silliest fucking thing I've ever heard in my fucking life. Think good thoughts, go to your happy place, good vibes only. The happy Gilmore thing before you do the put.

Chris, live, laugh, love. Hang that up in a haunted house and you're good. Because the movie, and I agree with you, Chris, because, like, the exorcism scene is good. Like, it's actually, you know, it's Patrick Wilson doing the exorcism thing. Doing the stuff, man. It's all working, but I guess someone somewhere was like, that's too much like the exorcist. We need to have a new spin on it, and that sucks.

You know what I mean? You do get the good trappings, right? All the birds are flying into the house. Everything is shaking. He's doing the Latin mumbles. We all love. We love them. And I think the thing about, like, remember the house, like, I think saying it, the way

they do is dumb but it is just a thing of like and this happens in tons of stuff it's not just this movie but it's like when someone is possessed right you're trying you know like the character always quote unquote knows that the real person is still in there so you're trying to bring that person out by saying

things like you know remember these times or whatever it just so happens Chris I think that like it's kind of spoiled by the fact that we had that big scene before the hand tell me about this great fun picture you took and and the flashback to it during it is also

I think it's the flashback really because I don't want to see bright ass colors in this moment I really don't because also Lily Taylor's doing a really great exorcism deal here as the possessed mom like the chair going upside down is really cool I love they put the fucking cheat over

yes I thought they started punch on the stomach when they did that like a water border but like again but then why like making a big deal about the fact that the priest can't make it in time to actually do the right one Patrick Wilson like trying to half open

like you go got half open where you got the lid off you know he did a little thing but didn't work at all but then this just this did it like it just I don't know I don't read it

as that being the magic light switch you're considering it to be but we just read it differently I guess I don't see it as that I think it's a confluence of the two things happening around the same time they work to they have to work together

right that's their whole thing this whole movie we do this together so I don't think it's a magic switch it's them you're supposed to take it as them working together because she talks about them working together at least six other times in the movie she just keeps saying it's that whole

it's that bullshit God brought us together for a reason the rain and that's the reason and it's to make money yes exactly turner that's the song that should have played when they fucking come up to the house too absolutely so she vomits up the demon

and that's the end of that once you get a good puke session yes Oh, yeah, she's got the demons coming out. Oh, yeah, uh-huh. Get a bucket. The demon, oh, it's a lot of demon there, sweetheart. Demon possession, yeah, it's like drinking a lot of Yeagermeister. Oh, God.

Just cough it up, dear. Oh, yeah, coughed up some Yeagermeister in my day. Get her a glass of water. This demon's got to leave a bad taste in her mouth. It's like hotel coffee. It's the worst you ever heard. You know, it happens in this movie. And it's also like even like, you know, far flung,

class looks like the exorcist right this happens also i do not care for so you're possessed you get possession face which oftentimes comes with like cuts on your face and stretches and whatnot when the possession is done and you just go back to looking like pretty lily taylor like she should still have the cuts in what she doesn't have to have like the contacts in anymore and whatever but like what are you wolverine all of a sudden like the demon leaves your body and you magically have healed, your whole face is fine? All the bruises she had and like the blood spots that she had just magically disappear

which I agree. Yeah, there's a, she leaves the house and you see like a CGI bruise on her forearm just like disappear and I was like, nah dog, I don't think that should happen in possession movies. Or on it. That's just me. Oh, but there's a great, I love the ending here.

It's like, you know, all the downtime so we get some moments for jokes or whatever because the officer who had previously been like, I don't know, I just thought that was the breeze or whatever, sort of like the non-believer kind of guy. Lily Taylor, it's either Lily Taylor or one of the girls when she bites his face, right?

And the guy goes, this Drew guy goes up for this copy and goes, oh, a draft did that to your face, huh? I like Drew's character because there's only one scene of it, but you feel like there's more, we're like, he's hitting on the oldest daughter and I'm like, oh, Drew, I know what you're doing there.

There's a little of that, dude, and there's a little of that and thankfully that just got left in another draft or the cutting room floor possibly. You ever been to the roller disco? You should have a nice time. You know that's haunted too right? Yeah, we cleansed the roller disco

is a pretty cool story. I'll tell you about it sometime. Haunted by Sheik's original bass player. So you think your mom's gonna die or you want to go get a coffee sometime? One of the other? So they return home, right? And just like, I

think all of these movies must end at least one and two do you have to put the thing again like fucking Raiders the Lost Dark man you gotta put this thing on the shelf very carefully put it you know and I love he's not you notice because he talks about

I think it's in this one the little yeah when the reporter is there and the little Judy runs into the room and he's like you didn't touch anything did you and she's like no you see Patrick Wilson he's like moving stuff with a handkerchief like he's that like paranoid about getting bad vibes on his fingies I guess

Yeah. Oh, yeah. So here's the bill. And we will be taking any and all memorabilia. That becomes our, that becomes RIP. That's part of the contract. Don't need you making any sort of independent horror museums, you see. That's just coming back with us. It's the museum clause. Don't worry about it. If they ever asked, by the way, if I ever actually did an exorcism, give them a no for me because if they come sniffing around here, they are really going to be up my ass. They're going to be, it's going to be non. stop and I don't need that. They should have opened like a planet Hollywood type of place with all these chotchkes from everything on the walls, you know? Yeah, and some pig goes over to a case after he just knocked down a thing, a pulled pork cassidias and fucking touches a haunted lamp accidentally. Oh, that's why you can't have that.

A human pig, not one of the amnetyvills, right? No, no. Now Lorraine, I think next time we do one of these things, I think the first thing, right off the bat, we see somebody who's possessed, we asked them to remember. a beach day. I think we do that right off the bat. I think that's the first thing we do. Initial interview Beach Day.

That's how we're going to go here. What's the best one you ever had? Was it on Cape Cod? Look around for any fun vacation photos you may see in the house. That gets them to open up pretty easily. On second, though, let's wait to mention the beach day until they've paid us a few times. Oh, yes.

Okay, yeah, put it off a little bit. Remember the Margaritaville. Remember the Margaritaville. Oh my God, I'm not possessed anymore. I was thinking about those ice cold pulled pork casidias I ate there. Ghosts hate cheeseburgers in paradise. Basically.

So I really do love the end of this man. Like fucking the end of Batman begins. We've got Gary Oldman coming in with a playing card. No, we have Ed being like, oh, it turns out the Vatican just approved the exorcism. By the way, there's a Cason Long Island that they want us to look into. This ghost has a flare for the theatrical. Nothing was in this ghost's terrifying sheet, but knives and lint. Then we get this quote from Ed Warren, one of his actual quotes, I imagine,

that appears on the screen that says diabolical forces are formidable. These forces are internal and they exist today. The fairy tale is true. The devil exists, God exists, and for us, people our very destiny hinges upon which we elect to follow ed warren but vacations kill them i just like can't you follow both who wants to make enemies right now exactly it is just so funny that they just like tease that and then the second movie opens with it but there's another teaser too the music box starts playing so they've gone that route too oh yes yeah you're right and that's i'm

remembering that right it's like going and going and going but then it like we cut yeah we don't go conjuring to return of rory no no no but like they but they hold on it yes they do that's like wait for it and in that instance yeah you're waiting for the final scare well because the the thing with the music box is like when the music stops you will see the ghost that's what i'm saying and it waits and you're like come on and then he just doesn't do it it's the ghost of the movie that's the end credits right or is it saying because you didn't see him out there at the end, little Rodney or whatever his name was. Rory.

Rory, excuse me, that they were successful. And Rory's at home now, rest. Like in heaven or whatever? No, he's in hell. I'm sorry. Oh, it turned out that. That little kid was a serial killer, dude, so he actually went to hell. Nobody knew that. Well, he's a chronic masturbator. Right to hell. It's a Catholic thing.

I don't know. A little kid in the 1930s. He probably served in two wars by now. So, yeah. He's had a whole life. I do think the credits that happen here before like the just the you know scroll kicks in these are kind of genuinely unsettling there's like some decent sound design going on

and I'm always up for a spooky photo of something and also the score of this movie is really good too you should say I really that's what I thought I really it is a well crafted movie I are in my opinion well in your opinion then see we'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts because this is the end of the conjuring but recommendations

and final thoughts Steve Sadek I think I probably like these are the most, not that it's a contest. I just, I really, I, the first two I really think are really well made, really fun spook house movies. And I actually like the, even though, you know, we've had a lot of fun with the Connars thing,

which I do believe, and it is kind of bizarre to lionize these people. But in the context of the movie, at least the first two before it gets way out of hand, I like that spice that gives it a different flavor for these two initial movies and the last two kind of go off the rails. And I think James Juan's a really good horror director

saw, and dead silence, by the way, which we should do as an episode. Notwithstanding. Yes, 100%. That's, it's just a goose bumps book come to life there, that one. Chris Cabin. It's going to be a no for me.

If you've seen other haunted house movies, the classic era, the 70s, 80s stuff, you've seen most of this, I think. James Juan, I do think is a great director. I think he gets a couple of good shots in here and everything looks good.

It's a very competently made movie. And having Lily Taylor and Ron Livingston and this cast here helps it a lot. I just wasn't, I never connected to it. And I usually can. I was a little surprised. I will say,

as far as recent haunted house movies, presence. I love it. I think it's incredible. But I think there's a lot of better versions of this out there that you can find, including the one that Andrew mentioned, The Changeling, of course, fantastic.

Oh, yeah, hell yeah. Peter Meadex, the Changling, 1980, George and Scott. Eric Siska, final thoughts, buddy. I'm kind of with Chris here, except I thought Presence was also a little dull, sorry. You son of a bitch. I watched it on an airplane, though, the least scary place possible.

Oh, yeah. I will say, you know, yeah, it is well made. I liked it when it came out. I don't know. It just wasn't resonating with me today, but maybe don't watch this movie at 9 in the morning. Also, I will say I looked up that Samurai Wisconsin ghost movie.

It is called Blood Beat from 1983 and I rated them both identical stars on Letterbox. So I say maybe check out Blood Beat from 1983. Bloodbeat rules. I will co-sign. BloodBee is great. Oh, so Eric, you were not crazy out of it. Chris Cabin, Bloodbeat is great, he says.

Well, I gave it two and a half stars. Okay. I looked up. You gave it three. I mean, maybe I need to go back and look at Bloodbeat again. It is one of those movies where it is like so bad and so crazy that you're just like, oh, yeah, just let it go. I've actually never seen Blood Beat. I just looked it up. I watched another, is that a haunted samurai movie?

It's a movie wherein someone unthaws a samurai and he starts terrorizing either the present or the future. I believe it's a little bit in the future. Is this ghost warrior from 1984, perhaps? It might be. Hold on. That sounds like there's a decent chance it's ghost warrior. Yes. Yeah, I think this is ghost. Yes, it is ghost warrior.

A deep frozen 400-year-old samurai ship to Los Angeles where he comes back to life. Days and Confuse, he goes on a rampage. I need to see this. I don't know if I've seen this or not. It's fun. It's a little less than what the description says, but it is fun. Well, look at that. There's a whole watch list here for you.

I'll say it was interesting to go back to this. I think, honestly, this is my first go-back probably since the second one came out. I think I must have re-watched this one before part two. Don't remember if I got around to it for part three. But I don't know. Yet, this was not as great of a re-watch as I hoped it would be, but I still think it's a pretty solid movie. And as far as, like, you know, the tidal wave of possession movies that we've had,

both, like, found footage and otherwise, like, I think this still kind of rise. to the top a little bit. I will say, surprisingly, having talked about this one now and having rewatched both one and two, two might be better in some respects. It is longer, but it is the closest to like a one-to-one as far as the cases go, kind of. I remember liking two more as well. Yeah, yeah. I didn't, I didn't when I initially watched them, but I think now I might be a two-one guy, but it's also a Christmas movie, which is nice so you can save that one for the holidays. holidays. So whatever. But that is going to do it for this episode on The Conjuring. As always, if you want more We Hate Movies, including commercial-free versions of this very main show of ours here, you can head over to the Patreon. That's patreon.com slash we hate movies. Yeah, every Tuesday, commercial free episodes coming out of this very show. And if you like us talking about modern horror movies, you want to sign up for our new tier of The Craven, which, if you're listening to this episode on the day it comes out, this very night at 8 p.m. Eastern, we're going to be doing a live

hangout. This is going to be a monthly thing we do on the Craven and then next month we're going to release a video episode on Zach Craigers Barbarian. That's right. Both of those WHM After Dark, the Hangout and the episode on Barbarian will also be available as audio and of course

at that Craven tier which is now the top tier you unlock everything we've ever done every single commentary archive episode Melro 2 and O'Leep Blastry and many more. That's right. And yeah, just to clarify that, yeah, WHM After Dark, that's the AMA show that's happening this very night. If you're listening to this on the day, it comes out. W.J.M. Scareddy Cats. I don't think we said the title of show at all. W. H.m. Scareddy Cats, the quarterly video horror show, we're talking about things 10 years or more recent. So, yes, both of those, the newest additions to our Patreon family of shows.

We're also this month we had a really rockin we love movies episode all about Jim Cameron's aliens. That was a ton of fun. Great response to that one. Feels like we recorded it a thousand years ago. But it just came out two weeks ago at this point. So very, very cool there. We've got let's see, this is still September. So we've got Melrose 210 coming out. Actually,

that's already out now that I think about that. So that's rocking and rolling. Melrose place. Things are getting crazy. We're talking about the fucking sleazyest Thanksgiving episode to ever air on American television. The man himself shows up in 902.00, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, yeah. That's right.

Burton Reynolds is there to serenade you with his beautiful fucking lungs. Jesus Christ this man. God bless him. I loved seeing him pop up. That was amazing. And hey, you know what else is popping up is the tiny tunes on animation damnation. Hell yeah, dude.

It was a lot of fun. And of course, we talked about the iconic Star Wars character, Gavin Darklighter on our Gleepe Glossary. This is our Star Wars sideshow where we just shoot, we shoot the shit about tertiary Star Wars

characters. It's a lot of fun. And of course, the fun never stops, folks. The Nexus, our Star Trek Recap show, we are deep into Toastas. That is the original series, the animated series. And we are, did we just finish season four of, or we're about to finish

season four of TNG? Coming up on the ass end of it. Yes. We're coming up there. Wow. So much content. So much going on. And like every Tuesday, y'all, new episode of We Hate Movies is dropping Steve Sadek our September and our season 16 are just getting started. What are we talking about next week? Yes, we are, uh, we're jacking, we're getting jacked up with Adrian Brody and we're going to

start fighting some predators because it is 2000 and somethings, the predators. I believe it's 2010 and thank God yeah, we're getting jacking. You're jacking. I was like, what are you jacking, Steve? Ah, getting jacked up. Yes. They're all beefcakes in that movie. Uh, this is a movie, I believe I put on for 10 minutes and fell asleep. So it would be a pleasant surprise. There you go. Right, this is the Nimrod E Tal movie. Lawrence Fishburn is around as well, I believe.

That is right. Tofer Grace, of course. Yes, many more. Look at that. Cast to beat the band. So until next week, we're talking about Predators and Larry Fishburn, and I guess news to meet Tofer Grace on Predators themselves. 2010's Predators.

Watch the right one for next week. Until then, I've been Andrew Jupon. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.