We Hate Movies - S16 Ep832: Hellraiser '87 (Live in the U.K., W❤️M)

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

Recorded 19 July, 2025 for The Oxford Comedy Festival - Oxford, England “If you’re going to meet Lucifer, you should clean up a little bit…” - Chris on Uncle Frank On this week’s episode, it’s our outrageous show from the U.K. where, on night two of our residency, we performed this wild We ❤️ Movies set on the fantastic horror classic, Hellraiser! How great are all these practical effects? Who in their right mind would move into this house in the state it’s in when they arrive? How awkward is this horrendous dinner party? Why were they dubbing all these English actors, pretending this film was supposed to take place in America? And this guy is cinema’s worst Uncle Frank, right? PLUS: Be sure to tune into the latest cooking show sensation, Gordon Ramsay’s Chicken Nightmares!  Hellraiser stars Andrew Robinson, Clare Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Sean Chapman, Oliver Smith, Frank Baker, Robert Hines, Nicholas Vince, Simon Bamford, Grace Kirby, and Doug Bradley as Pinhead; directed by Clive Barker.  This episode is sponsored by Sonos! This holiday season, discover how easy it is to bring every room to life with incredible sound. Explore Sonos speakers, soundbars, and more at sonos.com! Today’s episode is also sponsored in part by Mood functional gummies! Head to Mood dot com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover YOUR perfect mood. And don't forget to use promo code WHM when you check out to save 20% on your first order. And by Uncommon Goods! To get 15% off your next gift, go to UNCOMMON GOODS dot com slash whm That’s UNCOMMON GOODS dot com slash whm, for 15% off! Uncommon Goods. We’re all out of the ordinary. Get your tickets to our 15th Anniversary show this December where we’re talking all things Arnold in Total Recall! It’s gonna be a gas and we wanna see you there! Click through for tickets now! Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey gang, massive shout out to Sonos for sponsoring today's episode on Hellraiser Live in the UK. This holiday season, you're definitely going to want to give the gift of Sonos sound, y'all. We will be back later on in the episode to tell you all about it, so stay tuned. Quick reminder before we get to today's episode on Hellraiser Live in the UK, but yeah, just don't forget this coming December, I mean, this is weeks away, folks. December 6th, it's a Saturday night, be with us in Brooklyn to celebrate. 15 years of we hate movies that's right we are going to be at the beautiful bell house in

Brooklyn New York talking all about total recall by the way the Arnold Schwarzenegger sci-fi action masterpiece we're going to be on hand to talk all about that probably reminiscing about the old times yada yada it's going to be a lot of fun it's a big big night for us it's a big night for everybody anyone who's ever listened to the show you know I mean it's just it's a crazy thing to be celebrating something like this we never thought that we would get to this point. And, you know, no signs of stopping. You also come out Saturday, December 6th, beautiful Brooklyn, New York, folks. We're going to be at the bellhouse. We're talking total recall. We're celebrating all things, WHM. And we want to see you there. Tickets are

on sale now. They're going fast. Head to our website, WHMpodcast.com. All right. That's it. Let's take a quick trip across the pond because that's right. This is us from this past July at the Oxford Comedy Festival in the UK talking all about the magnificent Hellraiser. Enjoy. Oh, perfect. Down in the cool that I can see Failure I'm the one that you want it

That Robes That Robbins That Robeson That's a fucking ass. Does it not? Oxford, what is happening? Oh, man. Welcome to Night 2.

Thank you all for showing up. Who was here for both shows? All right. We love you. Apologies. No. It was just okay. No, it was great.

It was a good. We switched seeds. Eric took his glasses off. So now he's no longer the gleepe master. He's just back to Eric. I'm a civilian now. It's like seven degrees cool. cooler in here?

Yeah, thank the Lord Christ for that. Oh, man. We're technically not in hell anymore. Jesus went to the first show and he wept. I really love this cool Dune t-shirt I have on. This thing is hanging on by a thread. Yeah. Let me tell you.

At least you're not dressed like Dennis Nedry. Some days he does. Some days he does. Some days. We had a fan. yesterday, it broke today. That's fun, isn't it? That was tragic. We buried it

out in the alley. I was that sad. How many y'all are familiar with the program we run on the internet? I like that. If anyone was tricked into coming, or this is a weird, definitely going to be bad first date. Let me just say... Sorry. Big sorry, first off.

Could be a goth first date, in which case you're going to be all right. Riggina come. Yeah. Let's get married. Do you know the words to that song? Exactly. Why?

I don't know the words. Not you, but somebody. I just went, Ramidgum, eh, and ramming. Close enough. This is a comedy show where you take a movie

Good Bad or Otherwise. This is great. And we're going to talk about it for a little bit. Poked some pins in it, maybe. This is Hellraiser from 1980s directed by Clive Barker himself. Andrew, we're going to be chatter about it.

We're going to be chattering about it. Is that one of the guys? But we're just a bunch of butterballs. That's true. Although bigger mouths than that guy. It's true. I got to say, and you guys got it in the awesome trailer. First of all, that's what a trailer is.

It doesn't give you the whole fucking movie. Very cool clips that makes you want to buy a ticket. It starts with that awesome red New World Pictures logo. Hell yeah. And you know you're in for a good time. You just know this is going to be a cool movie. Back in the 80s, that was all you needed was to see that and you were just going to kick back.

and love life for traditionally, like, 84 to 97 minutes only. Yeah, that's about it. That's not a criticism. That's all so great. No, this is good pacing, good runtimes. It's a little bit of a fake out, though, with that trailer, the whole line about, I have seen the future of horror and his name in Fly Barker. The Stephen King think, well, that was about the writing.

Oh, okay. Nothing to do about the filmmaking, which turned out to be fine, but it's a little bit of a... Also with the trailer, that music is great. Yeah. It's not Hellraised music as all. It's like Indiana Jones. shit at the end there. I love that configuration belongs

in a museum. He's right. He's fucking right. Get this thing out of there. Oh no, Marcus Brody's lost in hell. Butterball's trying to make him play poker with him. Oh, actually, Indiana, you'd make such a good set of bite.

You already have the whip going. Leather hat, leather jacket. You're halfway there, man. Hey, what was that one guy doing, man? And Kalimah, Shockety Day, pretty cool stuff. I'll have to give that a world. Indeed, the chains are mightier than the sword. Whip and man, indivisible. Oh, I like all that.

We don't want to offend them. Rip your flesh off. Tell your goddamn soul apart. It's their culture. This is a movie that was, and when you watch it, you can totally tell, set entirely in England and then the producers were like I guess I'm worried about maybe a subtitle budget

or some shit because they were like dub all these British actors with horrible American accents instead and it's the jankiest shit you'll ever see and it starts with Frank who sounds like an anime general he does hey come here oh no

I want to have more orgasms than that give me an orgasm yes I am Frank the brother what come to daddy come to daddy Call him, dude, Eddie. The Senate invites are taking over Neo-Tokio. We're in huge trouble. Oh, they'd be fucked.

There's no hope. Because they'd be up against, like, what are they guys? Like, squid guys that fuck you in the Neo-Tocchio? Yeah, exactly. Squid guys that fuck you. You're totally right. Tenticle town, totally, dude. Rock guys, too, I hear.

So we start with Uncle Frank, who is, I think, historically the scuzzier of the famous cinema's Uncle Franks. Yes. Because the home alone, Uncle Frank, that guy's just making his wife steal silver and being nasty to kids, which is fine by me. I do prefer this Uncle Frank.

I got to say, ultimately, in what ways and for what? I think he's, A, a, a, little bit more attractive. Yeah, better head of hair, generally. And you know what? He's got a better attitude towards life. He's curious. He actually wants to live life. He's open to anything.

What the juices to run down the chin. Let's do a pro versus con. Uncle Frank from home alone is cheap. He, a little emotionally abusive for sure. Ugly is all good out. Ugly is all good out. Likes R-rated movies versus this guy who's murdering people and wants to fuck his niece.

Handsome, handsome is, he's so handsome and he invented the permiss double, I think. He did. I mean, this guy has got what the kids call aura. He does have it. He pulls you in. I mean, Julia, it's like immediate here. Get out of here, you nosy little satiniter.

I'm going to slap you silly. That's the other thing. I mean, that's, you imagine. Ooh, we better get out of here. Ooh, that cheap bald guy's yelling at us. Look what you did, you little jerk. You ripped my nipple off with your chain. Because they know I'm the king of Cooper.

This house is so huge in this movie, right? This attic is like multiple rooms. People are screaming across this room. No one can hear. Just like the McAllister house. Oh, yeah, you can't hear a scream in that house. Don't worry about it. could put all the centibytes in there, no problem.

People would, you know, Joe Pesci would still case the joint. Do we get a title card in the beginning in the market, or no, is it, or do we not? As to, like, where you're supposed to be? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but Wikipedia says Morocco, so let's go with it. Sure. And, yeah, Frank is

dealing with a dealer, and he's getting the lament configuration, as we know. Yeah, the puzzle box. This is the same dude that sold Homer Simpson, the monkeys' paw, the frozen yogurt was also cursed. It's the same guy, I think. 10 grand he pays for the fucking entrance to hell.

He should have paid fucking three bucks for a nail clipper, man. Jesus Christ. Holy shit. Like, I know it's tough. Like, you've had every sex in the world. Like, you even burned out on beastiality and whatnot. You're buying this hellbox to have your tits ripped off and whatever. But when you go to make this exchange, how about a nail clipper?

At least scrub the dirt out of there. That clearly was that he had just done necrophilia. Oh, okay. Because he had to dig up through the dirt. Right. All up in there. It was just caked. he forgot his shovel

I can't wait to fuck this that is determination he is feral there's a feral thing about him I'm just saying there's like a part of this movie where like a column is spinning around

and there's two dicks nailed to it but those dirty nails are the scariest grossest part of the film it's really gross and he so he gets this puzzle box there's a cool little you know he's like oh thank you very much and he's like it's always been yours

but you know you're in for a horror movie if that happens. If something's always been whatever. If you've always been here, if it's always been yours, you're fucked. So if I pick it up and it's always been mine, that's why I can solve it faster than a Rubik's Cube. Why is it so easy?

That's a great question, honestly. And maybe that's part of it is like, you kind of think you're doing it. And the box just knows, like, I got another one. Oh, yeah, you did a great job opening me. Come on. Come on. Rub me.

Just rub me a little bit. Rub me with your thumb. Come on. I like that he waits to go to his box is talking. Come on, do it. I got to open. He was to go to his mom's house to open it. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's weird, man. There's a lot of things going out with Frank. Mom, you're going to hear a lot of noises up there. Just don't come in. And me and my son of my friends do not need juice. I promise you that. Listen, the depths of depravity, we all know, is our teenage bedroom. That's true.

That's very true. Yeah, totally. The things that went on in there, right, Steve? We are. Huh? In your bedroom. I know, yeah, I know. Did you have the column?

We could move on. Okay. I love that this thing comes with no manual or anything like that. But Frank is like, you know what? This is a special occasion. Yeah, I drop 10 large on this fucking thing. I'm going to make like a nice little square of candles, really like gussy it up. And would you notice at this point those nails are clipped?

He did. Full grooming on Uncle Frank. It's the ritual, right? That's why you're doing all the weird sex. Not so much the orgasm, but lighting the candles, getting the oils out. I mean, honestly, if you're going to. to me, Lucifer, you should clean up a little bit. Not a lot. I know he's not expecting

too much, but like, the raw sexuality is already drawing him in. You don't have to do too much, but it is nice of him too much. Also, I'm no master of horror, but the puzzle box has always been yours, and here's a pamphlet with all the instructions. Less scary.

Sure. Slightly less scary. Yeah, no, you don't want to step by step in. I'm just saying it's weird. Here's a video cassette that you can watch. Be sure to watch it all the way to the end before trying the lament configuration. You'll think that you're going to lick it and that's what's going to do it. But no, no, no,

no, it's hands. Hi, I'm Bruce McCulloch. Yes, so you find pain and pleasure indivisible. Well, in this next 45 minutes, you'll find out how. Now, Chris, you mentioned Lucifer. I'm curious, where does he rank in this? Are the Cenobites, his buddies? They have to.

No, they're definitely generals. I think Lucifer is down there and he's sending these guys down. They are doing a piss poor fucking job. I will say that about these guys. Yeah, for Satan's jailers, this is a real cock-up with Uncle Frank. I just got done finding out that Darth Vader is a fucking suck-up. I just got done with that shit, and now I have to do with this.

It sucks. So he does it, and he solves it pretty easily, and here come the CentiBites. You know, it's pretty good. Here come the Centi Bites. Oh, yeah, it's awesome. And I guess, like, yeah, just having your flesh ripped off is just, like, the hottest shit that ever happened. I guess? I'm all right, you know.

Yeah, I don't know, man. When exactly do you bust in that scenario? That's a great question. There is no busting in this. I don't think we see any busting. Busting makes me feel good. I know it does, Eric. It makes us all feel good, usually.

I guess, I just don't understand the sexual pleasure derived from hanging upside down and being waterboarded by my own blood. Yeah. That's just me. This is awesome. This is the best thing ever. Remember when the Cenobites got subcontract to run Abu Ghraib prison? Oh, totally, yeah.

And they were waterboarding with all the blood there and playing new metal and whatnot. Oh, wait, that was America. Fuck. What's the difference? A tasteless joke, column B. And then they sold that lament configuration to David Caradine.

Oh, dear, Stephen. He's looking for the ultimate orgasm. He found it. You know what? Maybe a regular orgasm is just all right. How much better could it possibly be? Why am I going to have bread without butter on it? Excuse me You got a point

You got a point What are you talking to me about here? Why indeed, dude? Why indeed? So that guy goes to hell briefly And then we meet his shitty brother And miserable sister-in-law It just hit me

They should have gone after There should have been a hard push For the Cinebites To get Vincent Dinoffrio in the cell Because that's a guy Who is totally into it And he would have been immediately Like he would have joined the gang

you would have a sixth centibite right there ready to go. Oh, nice, yeah. That's a movie that's totally watched Hellraiser for sure. Oh, without a doubt. Hellraiser plus the X-Files equals that movie. Yeah, this is Andrew Robinson, the great Garrick from Star Trek.

Darkia, the great Scorpio Killer from Dirty Harry. And Julia, I forget her name. She's great. She's like a dime store, Helen Mirren, a little bit. Quarter store. Yeah, Cortance. I mean, she's a good actor. He's a very good...

Helen Mirren is like, you know, that's top shelf. Well, was Helen Mirren in Hellbound 2? Or Hellbound Hellraiser, too? Because this lady was. Just a long, good Friday. She's popped up in some Doctor Who, which is against the law for us to watch, but a lot of you like it.

She's popped up in the more modern iterations. Yeah, she gets around still doing TV and whatnot. She's great in this, honestly. And this is the weird thing, because it's clear that we're in England, and he even says to her, you know, She's allowed to have her English accent. Very few people are in this film. Can you imagine if Andrew Robinson was dubbed with an English accent?

That'd be very fun. He has such a distinct voice as an actor, and then it was just a completely different guy. By the way, we're going to dub over your laughs for American laughs. They're not going to get it. Our audience won't know what's happening. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We're not going to dub it with the anime general.

But, yes, he's like, oh, you're back on your home tour. turf, which again, if you put two and two together, that means you're in England, but then you dub everyone anyway, it's a bad line. But this is a, it's a, ruined marriage. It's a ruined marriage. Because they're fighting before the fucking door open. There is a mini, we are three fucking months away from a mini series about the Brooklyn years. Where everything happened with Frank and all that shit. It's going to happen. You know it's going to happen. Please stop talking bad ideas into existence. We do. I do this all the time.

If I don't do it, they stay in the head. I don't like it. Tell it to a mirror and shut the fuck up about it in public. Doesn't work that way. This is a deep renovation, honestly. Holy shit. The bugs and the maggots and everything else. He says he was going to sell the house, but he decides to stay after opening that door.

I don't think so. Is it a little moving on Sunday? I'm like, is that three weeks away? Where are you sleeping? The garden? It's not inside. You never get, whatever is happening in the kitchen, you are never getting it out. That is that, it is a nightmare to look at.

Abandon all hope. Sex halters, like a bowl that's like take a maggot, leave a maggot. No, no. Big filet of fish. Later in the movie, what's all going on in the attic, you know, Andrew Robinson, as Larry comes up, he's like, what's going on? Oh, it's just a rat. And I'm like, there's no such thing as just a rat in your house.

Yeah. It's like, it's time to move. Those motherfuckers don't fly solo, everybody. Colonies. Actually, they stumbled up on Frank's bed, which is on the floor. That was because Frank, you know, for many years, was stuck on a desert island. He was by himself.

It was Frank and his volleyball, also named Frank. And then when he came back, he couldn't sleep in the bed, dude. That's the depths of depravity. Fucking a volleyball. Oh, yeah. Tom Hanks did it. Absolutely. You think he could have solved that volleyball and got the Senate?

You rub your thumb across it. It's that easy. Well, it's a blood ritual, right? That's what that is. It's a blood on that. Oh, right, yeah. Cuts his hand. Then you've got to invent fire and whatever.

Oh, you will wish that FedEx plane didn't fall, Tom Hanks. Instead of change, instead of change, it's the volleyball net comes out and gets you. Surf music starts playing. Oh, you are determined to have an eternity of beach blanket bingo. Whatever happened in Brooklyn, clearly it was her stepping out, because Andrew Robinson in this movie loves being. stepped on. It is as much as his brother enjoys, you know, all the torres of the exterior, it is hell

inside Andrew Robinson. Oh, yes. I don't, we don't get a look at it. But he likes me, he has movers and they say, get me a beer, man. Hold, they're stepping all over him, aren't they? Wouldn't you say fuck off maybe? Dude, how about you get the mattress up the stairs and maybe I'll reward you with one? Yes.

He tosses an entire six-pack at these guys. Helping out the movers. It's, folks, you are putting up. the money for them to do it. That's why they're there. Don't help them. Also, they are acting like this mattress is an iron bathtub. The struggle with this mattress to get it up the stairs. Just shove it. It's a mattress. It's gonna be fine. They're just resting on it like, well, I don't know how we're gonna figure this one out. Like, lift it. Who made the stairs like that?

These guys are just carelessly dubbed, too. It's not even like, they're just dubbing what the original guy was saying, it's just new words and the mouths are just not matching up with what they're saying. And when you buy a house, check for loose nails, okay? Yeah, important.

This week's episode is brought to you by mood. Now, folks, lately I've been feeling very moody. I know that sounds like I've been listening to the latest cure record a little too much. That's understandable, but actually gentle listeners, when I say I've been moody lately, it just means that I've been enjoying a sampling of THC gummies from our friends at Mood. Now, folks, did you know there's an online cannabis company that ships federally legal

THC right to your door? And they found a way to combine THC with carefully selected functional ingredients to target nearly every mood and health concern you can think of? I'm talking about Mood.com's incredible line of functional gummies. And you can get 20% off your first order at, mood.com with promo code WHM. Forget one size fits all supplements that only get you high. Mood's functional gummies are optimized to kick in in as little as 15 minutes and take you to the mood you're looking for. Whether that's mind magic gummies for deep work and creativity, PMS support to ease cramps and balance mood swings, or their sexual euphoria gummies to help

you feel ready for action and turn every touch into a full body experience. Listen, you can find gummies to just get you high pretty much anywhere these days. But moods functional gummies combine premium, federally legal, THC with targeted botanicals to help you get into the perfect mood, usually in as little as 15 minutes. And everything ships discreetly right to your door. No dispensary lines, no awkward conversations, just better. days and nights delivered to your doorstep. Best of all, not only is every mood product backed by a 100-day satisfaction guarantee,

but as I mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with code WHM. So head to mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for and let mood help you discover your perfect mood. And don't forget to use promo code WHM when you check out to save 20% on your first order mood.com let's go folks uh julia is goes through uh frank's stuff uh next to his seedy bed and she remembers uh the the day that she met frank it was rainy

we don't know when this is it where no where this is she's longer hair and like frank's like i'd like to kiss the bride please and like there's getting back at your brother for beating you a street fighter and then there's getting back at your brother for beating you at Street Fighter. You know what I mean? I think Frank's got the Cavorka, though, dude, because this is like 10 seconds and she's melted to nothing. She's putty in his hands in under a minute, definitely.

He looks so good at this doorway. He's soaking wet. She's soaking wet. Let's go. The pictures make it look like he is the editor at large at Master and Servant Magazine. And he cuts out. Well, she takes a pick of Frank.

He does look pretty good. He looks like Nick Gavon, this one picture. Yeah, he does. Oh, well, yeah, because she's discovered his, like, pile of homemade pornography that he's got there. It's not, it's well shot, I got to say. He runs the master column, by the way. He does.

He's always been there. But just imagine, you know, it's Thanksgiving and your brother is just going off. Like, well, I got another promotion or work. Well, yeah, I fucked your wife on her wedding dress right before you guys got married. How's that treat you? We got up there. They don't know what Thanksgiving is.

They never heard of it. Oh, right. And that was like the early days. That was like Frank, the early years. Because that's pretty. I would say, you know, fucking your brother's wife. Not too crazy.

But, like, you are about two steps away from smashing the Barbies and the G.I. Joe's together and seeing what you can figure out. Oh, that's so depraved. Putting action figures together and making them look like they're making fuck. Look at him go. Oh, you sick bastard.

G.I. Joe and Bobby 69. Wow. He's now rubbing their bumps. This is a sick ticket. We need him in hell. Some baby cenobite Actually, that would be good Get some, that would eerie out people

Baby centibite that's playing with dolls With a weird, no, no We can't go down this road I feel like that was a joke in like a scary movie sequel It might have been Maybe That said little St. James The centipites were there

Is that what that was? Is that what was happening? Yeah, and then Trump wrote A note to Pinhead like Anigma, it never dies Dearest Pinette Pinhead likes his girlfriend's little younger For more wonderful secrets Butterball may every day be a wonderful secret

And the lady one? Well, she's just the lady one She doesn't have a cool name Vagina throat, I don't know She's just known as lady centibite Come on, guys Well maybe it's like, you know, like a fancy Like a lady centipine.

Oh, the lady centipide. Yeah, or the lady centibite. So who's the Lord said about it? Pinhead, clearly. You said, Andrew, the fingernails got you. Every time I watch this movie, Andrew Robinson's hand and this loose nail, I almost fucking pass out. I can't handle it. Scariest part of the movie.

That's worse than hell. That is one thing about this movie. I really do have to say this is one of those movies. Steve always talks about how he was scared about any horror movie because he thought Jason too was going to scandalize him. Just tell a room full of strangers. Go right ahead. They're listener.

They know when I was a child. You've told the world repeatedly for 15 years. This is an open secret. I'm sure. Jason two? What is that? Sorry, Friday the 13th. Part two. Thank you. Oh, sorry. I had no idea. I was haunted by a case. of something for like a decade before

I saw it. When I was like 10 years old, my uncle, not Frank, different name. Hello, Eric, it's me, brother Frank. Is your mother here? Then I heard loud noises upstairs for a while. He eventually goes downstairs late at night he's watching a movie

and I say, hey, I like movies, right? So I sneak down the stairs and see what he's getting a peek at. He was Hellraiser 3 and I walk in right when that woman gets her flesh ripped off her body? Oh, perfect. So now that's the only way I can come. It makes sense. It's not even your fault.

It's not my fault. I hope you mean like... Honey, I got to put the movie on. Okay. Just in the background. Okay. I just wanted to make sure it was just the movie was what would do it.

For public, that's what I have to say. Sure. But yeah, he's helping these dudes. And again, this is why you don't help them. He's helping them move this bed up. It's impossible. He's got this one great... I'm sorry, he's got this one thing.

My foot is jammed. Hang on! You shouldn't be there in the first place You wimp And in slow motion His hand just goes right against this nail head And it just It cuts open

And like Julia is like having Fantasies of having rough sex With this dude's brother And he comes up I have a cut I need help I'm owee owee I need a sex mom to help me

You know what I'll kill as many people As I have to Honestly after this But it hurt You know what he sounds like? Remember that classic viral video of that lady stomping on those grapes

and then she falls and eats shit She got the wind knocked out of it That's what he was doing in this scene I felt so bad for her when that happened I was just like oh my god That's the only way I could come is that video It's odd that we were just all bring it all back together I thought you're going to say while stomping grapes

Yeah that's the I love Lucy syndrome but as he goes upstairs obviously the blood is pouring everywhere and he's like I'm going to pass out I'm going to throw up and I'm like the idea of him throwing up because the next scene is obviously the really cool iconic Frank being born of blood and all this stuff it'd be great if he was born of a vomit you know well my god I'll tell you one of the few differences between this and the novella is they make it very clear in the novella that the blood went down right where Frank last came. Oh, really?

Really. And that is supposed to be the magic, I guess. I like a new world pictures. Magic, I guess. I don't know what else to call it. I think Merlin invented this. New World pictures are like, all right, two

changes. One, it's no longer in England for some reason. Two, that cumstain's got to go. That is just not going to cut it. I get on the floor and wipe it out. I don't care how many times the effects person told you he got it perfect

it's got to go it makes total sense though now that I know that it's a seaman thing it makes total sense it's uh I'd argue that without knowing it's a seaman thing it's still pretty gross these effects are awesome it is really fantastic

effects when his arms come up I love when the arms come up first because they look exactly like animals hands from the Muppets it's the sick go put on like a Muppet video and watch like Animal raise his hands a little It's the same little poppet sticks. It's fucking great.

You should tie drumsticks to the Hellraiser hands. It also looks like the final thing monster bursting out of the video. Send my butt! Send my butt! Yeah, he could get down with those dudes. They should visit. Oh, my God, what happened to my blood? We have such delicious sights to show you.

Yeah, they're going to put on a show, right? Come here, frog! Piggy, it's me. Piggy, it's me. No, it's Kermit. It is Kermit. I know it doesn't look like me, but I need... Don't look at me. Don't look at me. We're going to trick Charles Grotin into sacrificing himself. I just... I get lonely sometimes, you know?

I just... Miss Piggy, do you... Oh, you like it on the floor, huh? Ah! Oh, Miss Piggy, you like it on the floor. It actually might, I don't know. Why are there so many songs about... Rituals And why do

I wish to die You want me to go upstairs Huh? Oh geez, okay Okay, okay, okay, Rizzo, what do you think, oh boy, oh geez, oh God, oh no I think Gonzo would fit right in with the center by it, so I don't know Oh, absolutely, he's weird looking

Totally That is a chicken fucker, that guy Is into the pleasures of the flesh Oh, dude, yeah, Uncle Frank's taking notes from that guy, absolutely Oh, he's doing what? But do you think Jim Henson watched this movie? That's pretty cool.

Yeah, because I think, dude, that guy watched anything where, like, puppeteering was involved in special effects. And he didn't want to admit it publicly, though. You know what I mean? I sort of ruined the image of the good guy image a little bit. He loved it. Anyone that owns puppets is into that shit. Yes.

100%. Period. 100%. Bob Keynes gone to heaven for this one. Really, he is. This is some incredible makeup work. I mean, this movie was made for $900,000. It's crazy.

Peanuts. It looks great. It's all on the screen. But it's also why there's like two locations. There is that. You win some, you lose some. Yeah, I mean, he forms himself. It's a very cool scene where, and basically

like, he's not fully formed even a little bit here. No, yeah, he doesn't have legs quite yet, but when he gets up, he sort of like roars, and I'm pretty confident it's a dinosaur sound effect. It's a little too T-Rex for my taste. But while this is going on, there's like a swinging dinner party downstairs.

How does no one hear this? I mean, I'm sorry to bring it up, and I know we're already dealing with smells. Please. Whatever is going up on up there smells like 17 garbage dumps in one place and poured on and rained on for several days and the sun-bakes it.

Or maybe he smells like a freshly newborn baby, right? What? Were you looking at the same shit we were? No, he doesn't. The two! Have you seen a placenta? That wasn't what that was. I don't know.

I think, you know, everyone's born like this. Sorry. Sure. Everyone's born coming up being regenerated from hell, screaming in a puddle of their own cums. Everyone. Oh, my beloved, when your spine went into your brain and you became a kind of skeleton person.

I cannot believe I have to explain this to you. The man fertilizes the floor. Okay. Go on. Provides a partner's blood. Okay. Yeah, we watched this movie in fifth grade. It was called The Miracle of Home Improvement. Yes, and there it is.

Better title for this movie, Floor Razor. That's right. It's true. Those boards come right up. They do. Yeah, so they're having a kick-ass dinner party. And it's great. He's just recounting the story of going to the hospital and yada yada. And Julia just gets up and she's like, I'm going to bed.

And like, that's the end of the night, dude. You can feel it through the screen. Also, this story, he's telling this story about the hand incident at the doctor and it's going into some like well I should sue that guy for what it's like dude you cut your hand on a nail can we relax with whatever this lawsuit is that's why she wants to go to bed she's over it over it because he's told the same story eight times that afternoon he's begging his friend to sue the doctor who who saved his life according to his fucking freak out

yeah but it's also great because she gets up she's like I'm going to bed ice cold and then his other buddy's like well I guess it's the fucking end of the dinner party I'm gonna leave and he's like no no no stay I'm like imagining staying after that fucking fiasco they're talking about that in the car she when she went to fucking up to bed Jesus Christ she didn't even say good night or I love you she just sort of smirked at him and coldly opened the door and Jesus Christ you hear that fucking monster screaming upstairs what the hell was that sounded like a man escaping hell and reconstituting his own body through a puddle of cum that was weird also the food

was terrible. What was that roast? I don't know why we see them. Did you hear what happened in Brooklyn? She was sleeping with the guy who started John's pizzeria. And the brother I heard. Not only that, Ray's, famous rays, original

race, she had them all. Bontino, she just hit him all. Mr. Famiglia? Fuck the shit out of that guy. Sabaro manager? Also, we should say who's been introduced where Ashley Lawrence says

Christy, or Kirstie, rather. Kirstie, crazy. Oh, my God. She's like the intrepid daughter who's like sort of the close thing to a final girl this movie has. She's a good movie. She's pretty good in this movie.

She is wasted at this dinner. And this young fella's there. Doing tongue tricks. He's doing tongue tricks. He's doing like, I'm putting the cigarette in my mouth. Isn't that hot? Is that turning you on? Apparently it is.

It's working. Whatever he's doing is working. But she has some line where she's, He's like, oh, I've had so much wine tonight. I don't think I could stand up. And then this dude, in front of the father, just goes, then why don't you lay down? To which the fucking father goes,

Hey, ha, ha, ha. Are you kidding me? Good one, Steve. Oh, my God. Yeah. You want to fuck my daughter? Go right ahead. No, go right ahead.

My wife's already left me. Steve kind of looks like an alternate for Wham. Like, if the, if George Michael or the other guy ever decided to call out sick, he would come right in. Tonight's performance of Wham is being performed by his understudy. Steve, the understudy. But yes, this is when Julia finds Frank's recomposed corpse and screams her head off during this dinner party. It's totally fine. Don't look at me.

Oh, she's, oh, man, she's really going through it. Oh man, she's just screaming up there Honestly, if I was married to Andrew Robinson, I would also be screaming It must be hell to live in this house It's all horrible That's why Julia didn't want to move in She's like rented a room in town Yes.

Kirsty. Oh, Kirsty is the stepmother Yeah, sorry. Too many awesome names to judge it. By the way, which makes it okay. Oh, right, that's what I heard. You have a stepmother you can explore those depths of depravity Or I guess a regular mother too, right? That's depraved. I mean, that's very depraved.

Oh, no, he would have to hit that Frank definitely was trying. Do you think Frank fucked his mother? Well, that might be... No, that lady's dead. Oh, I guess that wouldn't matter. That's the thing. He was digging up like a dog. He faked up his mom like a dog.

I think a bird with two, you know, two stones here. Two or one stone actually. More like it. You get to necrophilia and the mother at the same time. You wipe it all out. And when do you fuck the bird? What are you trying to fill a fucking punch card? Clearly he is.

I want my sexy free sandwich. The bird... Thank you for the bird because... So basically all this happens, whatever. They kind of make a weird truce, Julia and Frank. And Kirstie has a nightmare that night. And there's all these like chicken. She's having this chicken nightmare for some reason.

Gordon Ramsey's chicken nightmares. Oh, man. Dom, it's a chicken nightmare. Look at this goo. Someone's left to come on the floor. That's a health violation. Is that a man's face on the floor? Is that a man's face on this floor?

Close it down. Shut it down. And it's bloody rotten. You need standards. This cum is two years old. What are you talking about? Have standards. I told you keep the cum in the freezer.

Who is the manager here? Are you the manager? Or the host is the manager? Damn. See, I don't watch that guy's shows, so I can't participate these. I don't know all those cool catchphrases. Damn.

Oh, damn, I guess. Yeah, well, that's the one. That guy seems like he would go well with a centibite kind of a scenario. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So people around here might want them to go with the Santa Byte's. You never know. You hate them?

No, lukewarm. Oh, lukewarm, okay. Nice of you. How are his restaurants? Good, bad otherwise? Good, okay. Damn, my reception was lukewarm. I did it.

That's what. Yay. That should be the next series he does, because he's not ever going to stop, of course. No. But the next one should be him going to all of his restaurants and be like, oh, this is run like shit. Who can't? Came up with this shitty recipe. Oh, it was me.

That's what it is. Wait, that's what it is. You bring him blindfolded to a restaurant, right? You spin him around a few times. You put him in there. You take off like any sort of signifiers that it's a Gordon Ramsey restaurant. Then you just have him evaluated and he shits all over it. And then it's like, guess what, motherfucker?

And that's the final damn. Oh, my, I have a chicken tandoia, too, but this is terrible. Then he buddwires himself. That's his way out? Yeah, that's okay. One way to do it. Oh, that's okay, so. The other ways to play the lament configuration, maybe.

That is also. Today's episode is brought to you by Uncommon Goods. The holidays are nigh upon us, ladies and gentlemen. It's that time to look up and down your list and pick out the exact perfect present for each and every person. Sounds so easy, right? Well, Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high-quality fines you won't see anywhere.

else. Don't wait, the most meaningful gifts get scooped up fast, and now is the perfect time to cross some names off your list. One of the many arenas my wife schools me on on a yearly basis in the holiday season is stocking stuffers. I've never really had the brain that can kind of do that kind of thing. So like, you know, I'm like, I don't know, some candy and batteries? It's always really hard for me to find some small, unique, and meaningful presents to put in her stocking. But not this year. Because uncommon goods looks for products that are high-quality, unique, and often handmade in the U.S. Many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful

and truly one-of-a-kind. Just looking at their website, I'm already seeing a ton of stocking stuff for ideas that are going to make her smile, like The Bookworm Rainbow Sox, because she's a book lover, she's also a bit crafty, so she'll love the Fausty Friends beginner DIY crochet kit, and because we're both deranged cat owners, the Catatitude Mug. Uncommon Goods has something for everyone, from moms and dads to kids and teens. from book lovers, history buffs, die-hard football fans, to booties, mixologists, and avid gardeners. You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else.

And with every purchase you make in Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a non-profit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date. So, don't wait to cross those names off your list before the rush. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com slash WHM. That's Uncommon Goods.com slash WHM for 15% off. Uncommon Goods, we're all out of the ordinary. But yeah, so Kirstie has a nightmare she wakes up. She's worried about her dad.

She calls a dad late at night. And at this point, Frank is like crawling around the floors. It doesn't have legs yet. He's just got to be like, Julia, please, get me a radio or something. Maybe a book, Julia, and also phone calls at fucking four in the morning. Really? I will take an old red book at this point. Trying to reconstitute up here, I keep it down so late at night.

A radio, maybe. No, that's it. We weren't going to do that bit anymore? No, I was, I thought you had another one going. No, I don't have it anymore. Julia, yeah, the weird hookup scene with Steve there is kind of bizarre. like making out a dirty subway station for a little bit, that gets you going.

Tube station. Yeah, tube station. Pardon me. Well, it's tube or subway depending on if you pretend this movie was made in America or not. Right, right, right. That's true, yeah, yeah.

And they, like, kind of hook up, but like, to let you know that she's virtuous, he's sleeping on the floor for some reason. There's another bed it looks like. Yeah, I don't know what's going on here. Just go home. Was there a thunderstorm? Like, just go home.

I had a bad chicken nightmare. I need you to stay. I ate too much chicken. She calls her father about the chicken nightmare, right? Yeah, that's the 4 a.m. phone call. You were there? Gordon Ramsey was there. It was terrible. It was awful. There was out-of-date shrimp. It was so fucking terrible.

No horserudish in the cocktail either. So Julia goes out right and we're going to start the mission of bringing home some schmucks for the blood. The blood ritual here. So she goes to some cool looking bar, which, again, due to the set design limitations, I'm pretty sure it's just someone's apartment that was like a larger size than normal, a cool staircase, but it's definitely not like a public space. But anyway

she starts hitting on these dudes and again, this is a weird, I don't know why they made the dub decision in some cases because she's not dubbed. Yes. Like we said, but then none of these marks are dubbed either. Yeah. Well this guy the first guy really needs to know he's getting rolled because like

you're a fucking four and this like eight is like, hey let's go have dirty sex in this abandoned attic. I promise no one's going to rob or kill you. Exactly. If you're a guy that looks like one of us, and then a lady sexy talks to you, you're about to be hit

with a hammer in the back of your hand. Rule of life. If you have tidy whiteies on and you are not Austin Butler, give it up. Yep. It's kind of great because they open the door and it's just again, disgusting because it's this attic. And the

dude is just like, there's no bed in here. And she's like, well, that's ever been a problem before. It's like, yeah, I guess I'll fuck on this dirty floor now. Man, you must be desperate, sir. He is. Phil Collins looking motherfucker. He does look like Phil Collins. I do. I can smell in the air tonight, the comment on the floor. It's great when Julia takes the hammer to him and it goes, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, I. Yes, sir. Also, another hell-raising situation is he's about to have sex, and then he's oh sorry love I'm gonna go pee

and then she hits him in the hammer this dude dies having to piss you know what that means don't you what's that bowel evacuation oh no oh yeah it's going immediately oh the first hammer hit it's out well that's at least good because I don't want to that's just not up for it's Frank

eating that up you're losing control of everything in that moment is that Julia I need blood not piss separate the two gets that there this is that going into the Frank reconstruct Great, now I'm part piss, part gum, part puke.

This wasn't worth it at all. I want to go back to hell immediately. That's why he couldn't get his original face bath. Oh, yeah. The piss, too much piss. Oh, it pissed it away. It is kind of great. He's a little bash.

He's like, don't look at me when I do this part. It's real weird. When the real answer is, like, we could not afford a cool special effect for this. So close the door and we promise something cool. I think it's pretty sharp when he penetrates this guy with his fingers. With his fingers, yes, in the neck. And like, Julia is doing. Julia's doing this at, like, 3 p.m., her husband's coming home at 5.

There's blood is everywhere. She's just dumping these dudes in the room across the wall. She's, like, putting their coat on a little bit, carrying them around. Just weakened to Bernie's him at this point, you know? Oh, no, we were drinking sangria a lot, and that's what that is. Oh, that's my cousin. He doesn't have a mouth. Stay away from bright colors, is all I'm saying.

Maybe get some black outfits. And it's not even a good deal for Frank. because until he turns into Andrew Robinson at the end, he just seems to get wetter and wetter and wetter. Oh, yes. Like, it's never a situation like, that feels good. Okay, cool.

No, I'm always in fucking pain because I don't have fucking skin. Yeah, you never once hear him go like, no, we're getting somewhere. Does he want to reconstitute the fuck, I guess? Because didn't he like being ripped apart or something? Or did he like that? Well, I think it's kind of like he maybe bit off a little more that he could shoot.

Yeah. He didn't want to do it forever. He just wanted a little bit. Classic perverts mistake. Happens every day. I think as he was like, again, hanging upside down, possibly by his own taint, you know, being waterboarded with his own blood.

He was like, maybe I've made a huge mistake. Possible. Maybe this was a little, I should have stuck with the chickens. I think this was a little too far. I just, you, how can you look Lucifer in the face knowing you let this guy go? Yeah. This little fucking runt.

This guy. Well, I mean, the set-upites don't even know until act through, like, wait, who's gone? Oh, shit. Dude, yeah. The boss is going to be real pissed off. Like, an 18-year-old girl had to tell you, you fucked up, man. Jesus Christ. Frank is, like, playing the long con on Julia here, because he's just like, just a few more, and we can be together.

And I promise I won't look like fucking spare ribs. I promise you. What can I do to sweeten the deal? Can you give me some cigarettes? Can you get a TV? up here maybe. She's into it almost immediately. He's got like this weird bloody hand and he's putting it

in the mouth and it's like no. There's no skin on that finger yet and she's sucking on it. I don't understand why he wants to wear this white dress shirt throughout this. Because every other scene he's got no shirt on. Eric, please you of all mentioned, no, some style

counts for something. Oh you think he's going to wow her with that one. Hey. Do you have any heavy metal t-shirts those are usually black that would cover a lot. Oh, I soap through this one, too. Oh, boy. Oh, the blood is part of the embroidery. It's a nice shirt. That's what's weird, though, is when Frank

you know, yeah, has no skin on his face, but he's got this white shirt and it's kind of open and the slacks and he's smoking. He still looks kind of cool. He looks so cool. He's at least a six. He's better than looking than us like that without flesh. Absolutely.

And like, she just has to see Andrew Robinson smile. No, he says, do you want a cookie little girl? Oh, that's That's it. She's like, Frank, absolutely Frank. And this competition, Frank, 100%. It's a weird, because she's like crying in the bathroom or whatever's going on. And he thinks it's going to be fun to go up to the door.

He does have a cookie in his hand. It's like, do you want to cookie little girl? Like he does a voice? Dude, that's not getting you laid. No. What is that? Trust me, never do it. I know it's a good movie.

Just don't do it. Just calling your wife little girl. And I thought Frank was fucked up. Larry's the one that's the weird old. He doesn't have the guts to pull it off. That's the idea. That's a coward. We should say there is a bizarre seat of Kirstie working at a pet store.

Oh, right. Again, I've only been in England for two or three days. And do you guys have just chimpanzees in pet stores? Like, if you do, that's great. And that's awesome. But like in the same pet store, it's like, oh, you could buy a nice little cage of lovebirds. There's like a monkey squeaking and screaming like right next. Like right next to it.

Isn't this how 28 days later started? Close. I mean, Kirstie, honestly, I think it's kind of fucked up that she stops the guy from meeting the crickets. Because, like, honestly, you help this guy out. He's clearly homeless. All he wants is to eat some fucking crickets. Let him meet his crickets and leave.

I've seen this guy we're talking about as the homeless guy. It looks like Alan Moore. It is Alan Moore. It might actually be. And I've seen this really like five times. And every time I watch it, I'm like, what was the deal with that guy?

Every time you're like, what's his deal? I always forget. Well, that's, I mean, as we find out at the end, he is, of course, a shapeshifter. He can actually, he's more of a skeleton dragon. Yep. And I assume this is one of Lucifer's, like, check-in guys. Okay. Coming in to be like, no, they fucked it again.

His whole mission is like, he takes the box back to the antique dealer. So it's like that guy selling these boxes with like a string attached. Yep. It's a total scam. It's a total scam to get souls and shit, absolutely. And this guy's making $10,000 a piece. That's not too bad. The thing with the crickets is great because you can tell,

like, this girl has just no, like, experience with customer service or anything like that. Yes, it's this dude who looks like Alan Moore. He looks like when Forrest Gump's running coast to coast, like that kind of a guy. Piercing blue eyes, though, beautiful, beautiful blue eyes, shoving these crickets into his mouth. She has this great line. She goes, hey, give those back. And I'm like, are you sure?

Honestly, considering what movie I'm watching here I'm surprised I didn't see the Well, okay She's having a hellish day at work already Because there's a woman trying to return a dead parrot or something Yeah, she's busy enacting a famous comedy sketch Or trying to get a refi-I don't know what's going on here Is she working with this guy so he can eat the crickets?

Oh, she's running point to like block him So he can get in there and chow down Also, your boss is not going to notice a handful of crickets. It's fine. How much does that cost? How much is a cricket here? It is just kind of funny because, you know, in the novella, there is no daughter character, but so there's no real character here either.

I want to know, like, why she's working at a pet store, what she's doing in town. Why are you, like, moving with your father, even though you're a grown adult? Yeah. Well, it seems like she has some idea that, like, she's going to strike out on her own. That's why she's living in this room that she's... It looks like she's even sharing it with Steve. I didn't really get a hold on that thing. Big question mark.

Her mom's dead, so I guess she wants to be close to the dad. Oh, right, I forgot about the dead mother too. Yeah, well, that's how the set mother's charge. That's a funny thing that the mover says, because he's like actively hitting on Julia. When Kirstie walks in, he's like, oh, yeah, she has her mother's eyes to which Andrew Robinson as Larry responds. Her mother's dead. That guy's eating shit. No tip for you now, mover.

absolutely not brought up the dead wife accidentally she's she's bringing dude now it's like kind of a fun montage of murdering dudes it is kind of great if you put this to a fun song it would be awesome instead of trying on hats it's putting a hammer through someone's fucking skull maybe the Benny Hills music yeah that'd be fun but also she's getting all these like small loser dudes

you gotta hang outside the big and tall store Yep. Because that's more blood, that's less, that's less work. And Eric Stone Street type. Yeah, there. You bring that upstairs. You're getting this done in a day. Get Andre the Giant in there.

I think you're still alive. Oh, you want me to do what? Oh my God, I can't believe that they want to have sex with me. That's exciting. I'm just sitting here eating 17 bottles of wine. Would you like one bottle of wine to my 17? What are you trying to do to me with that? That hammer is doing nothing.

Please stop it. It is annoying me. A gorilla marsoon tried that one time. It doesn't work out for him. Yeah, that's what she should do. Go to a professional wrestling event that's blowing through town and just pick off some beefcakes, exactly. I don't even think he's going to die.

I don't think, you maybe drink half that guy and you're good. Take what you want. It is fine. There's plenty to go around. He's too famous because then the news is going to be like the investigation into the disappearance of Andre the giant has led us to this house where this... Good point. You can't be killing famous

people for this blood scam. So one rule. Kill like, you know... Oh my God, Julia. I'm seven feet tall. This fucking rules. His head's poking out the chimney. I'm stuck. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. That's a deprave act. You guys tell me pornography does that now. That's what I told you. Yeah, you're right. I heard that in your childhood room. What were you doing there? I'll never tell.

Reconstituting. But yeah, so that's kind of going on. There's a scene where Larry's like pretending to be excited about boxing, which is weird. The weird, any pugilism fans in the crowd? Yeah, okay. If you're watching a fight and you're like into it, you know, are you doing the, come on? Are you boxing along? Because that's just really weird.

It's one way to make him less attractive to his wife. They were looking for a new one. Just another rung down on the losers scale. The work has been done. We know what this man is. The divorce should have just happened before they left town. Just stay with Famous Ray. Just stay there.

He's a widow. Come on. But this is around the time that Frank smoking cigarettes. There's like a noise upstairs or whatever and he wants to go check it out and this is how he should know that something's afoot because he's like, oh, there's a noise in the attic.

I'm going to go check it out. And she's like, oh, you shouldn't do that. No, stay down here and watch the match. And he's like, no, no, no, I'll go. I gotta go check it out. And then she starts putting the moves on him and like kissing him and stuff and shit, you've never seen them do together in this movie.

And if you're Larry, you've got to be like, wait, she's kissing me on the stairs. She doesn't want me to go anywhere. Who the fuck is? up there. Frank, are you back from hell? No, it's me, Andre the Giant. I couldn't find the way out.

The doorknobs are too small and my hands too big. The last thing I remember, I was talking to Hulk Hogan and then I just got a black bag. Oh no, your husband has found out about this. I'm going to run through the wall into the night.

Like the Kool-Aid man. in reverse. Do you think the Kool-Aid man exited like that? That was always the entrance. Yeah. But when he left an establishment. Dude, it'd be rude to do it twice.

Go through the hole you came in. Back through and make the exact arm's shape. Save these people the contracting keys. You are made of glass. You're going to shatter, you idiot. He's a thrill seeker. Fucking damn it. He's looking for the ultimate excitement.

I'm going to come. Oh, yeah. We have such precious to throw you. Blue Hawaiian punch. Oh, dude, that's what it is. The Kool-Aid man gets involved in the centipites, and they, like, shatter him to pieces and shit. And then Pinnett's, like, putting him back together all weird,

like this movie. That'd be great. Oh, no. Just seeing that, like, cartoon eye and a piece of a glass. Yeah, and that shit-eating grinny always had. Yeah, that dude was a son of a bitch. Hey, man, Captain Crunch. Don't get me started.

Is this the awkward sex scene between Frank and Julia kind of? Yeah. One of two. I believe? This is, Larry. Larry, yeah, sorry, Larry. Where, like, you know, they're trying

to go at it and it's not really working out. And then she sees, Frank, like, opens the closet door like, and pulls out, like, his penknife. And so the thing is, like, she's yelling at Frank, like, no, stop, please stop. Don't kill him.

But if I'm Larry, and I'm trying to make love to my wife and she's screaming, stop, and no, and please, I'd be like, wait, what's going on? Yes. This dude is fucking deaf as a doornail. You got to check in and you got

to listen, ladies and gentlemen. Yes. We're into double digits before he stops. The nose are in double digits where he's finally like, wait, did you say something? What was happening?

And then he's like, I can't figure you out. Well, you just sort of raped me for four minutes, so I'm going to go back downstairs and watch boxing, which I love. Thank God he's gone. Now we can be alone.

Do you like to dance? Time for a tombstone pile driver. Uh-oh. Because of this, Larry is concerned about Julia. So he takes... We had another location here, a Chinese restaurant. How about that? I would not be surprised if this was just

that dude's apartment reconfigure to look like a Chinese restaurant. And imagine this. Imagine... Like, I can't... Andrew Robinson's character is such a fucking loser. We've already seen that he has friends. adult friends, the people you might want to talk about, about your marriage problems.

What does he do? He takes his daughter whose mother is dead and says, hey, I'm going to tell you something, I don't think me and your stepmom are fucking right. And we don't love right either. And I don't know why we moved from fucking Brooklyn at all. At least he's broaching this over a succulent Chinese meal. He is doing that. He is doing that. A succulent Chinese meal. That's right. this episode's brought to you by sonos this holiday season sonos makes an amazing gift surprise someone who loves music upgrade a home theater for movie nights or keep it simple with a little to me from me moment you deserve a gift too

okay it's not about everyone else all the time however you're celebrating sonos is more than just a speaker it's a way to instantly make the home feel more alive i have had a lot of sound bars over the course of my TV, movie watching life span here. And this has been the best one I've ever had and the best looking. They look as good as they sound, okay? The holidays are all about creating moments, and Sonos helps set the mood for every one of them. Movie nights do feel bigger and more cinematic. While holiday gatherings come alive with music that flows from room to room,

it's the kind of sound that makes the house feel warm and connected during this season. Sonos delivers incredible sound for everything. TV, movies, even background playlists, it's built for the whole family, play the same music in every room to create one big shared moment this holiday season or switch it up with something different in

each space. However you're listening, Sonos makes it easy to set the perfect atmosphere. I love the sound bar. I love the move two speakers, the portable speakers. You can't go wrong with Sonos. Discover how easy it is to bring every room to life with incredible

sound. Yes, studio quality sound at home so explore sonos speakers soundbars and more at sonos dot com and discover how easy it is to build your whole home audio system that is sonos dot com s o nos dot com yeah so he's like could you check on your stepmother just go in there like what pop in uninvited which bad idea But go-keeper company says try to make friends. Dude, this is not my wife. You fucking figure it out. By the way, it's very clear from the beginning

that Julia hates Chris's guts. She fucking hates her. So why are you pushing this? Because he's a terrible husband, terrible father, terrible friend, terrible brother, terrible son. He's Larry. I'm out of hand.

That's just Larry. The next day she does go, it's like kind of the last, What should sort of be the last time that Frank needs to do this is the idea. This is Glasses guy who's just sadly like, I get lonely sometimes. Like, oh, Glasses guy, get out of there. Oh, it's awful, isn't it? Like, this is the greatest day in this dude's life until it's definitely not.

No. He doesn't even finish him. Like, he gets half done as like pushes him out the door. I know these guys were about to sin. Do they go to Heaven or Hell or do the Centi Bites get them? Where do their souls? end up. It's a good question. I would say the centa bites probably get them. Really? I think so.

Well, it's only the intention, though. It can't be like future sins. That's bullshit. So does Frank absorb their souls? Well, because they're... What is a soul? That's, you know... I don't think we have time for that. Yeah. I have to go up the road to do some kind of lecture like that. Oh, right. That's very intellectual.

I guess it is. I don't know. That is. The... Kirstie tries to, like, is just popping in on stepmom while all the shit's going on, and she hears the noise. and this is like this is a pretty cool face effect the dude who comes out

like, help me! It's awesome, he's kind of melting it's sort of like a cool Beetlejuice effect almost. A lot of Beetlejuice parallels here by the way. Yeah, totally. Like there's the parts

towards the end where they open the door to the house but it's a hell dimension and not the front steps and whatnot. Julia, you have to help me the Cenobites are after me

and so is Beetlejuice. I made so many deals while I was in hell. Hey, Julia, wow, you're looking pretty good. Oh, babe, what's going on in here? This is too weird even for the B-Man. Hey, hey, Frank, little Zagnut.

What's going on in your attic, man? Shouldn't there be a model village up here or something? Yeah, can I go to sleep in a foam foundation and a tiny table? What's going on up here, babe? All that's happening up here is cum and blood and dead rats. And, of course, Andre the John. You're a hobby, the goose. I still can't leave.

Can you get me out of here? Oh, yeah, they're looking for you downstairs. He was about to go, right? Oh, he was very close. Yeah, it was pretty close. You never want to be too big. So, good idea. You should have stopped growing.

That's far enough for me. Because I totally have control over that. Good thing I can control my own height like some sort of weird X-Men. Let's see how high. can go. I'm a height guy. But so

this is like the big moment where Kirstie sort of like is lord in by Uncle Frank and he's really handsy here. The come to daddy stuff is really all over. Look what you did, you little Jack. A paint can no.

And like if someone picks up your puzzle box that is your like key to hell or whatever and it's really important to be like well I don't even care about that don't be like don't touch that definitely don't throw that out the window no well because she's a lady not only does she get the force lightning she also gets these pink dots and yes just to make sure you know no no that's it's a woman it's a woman touching it she throws the box out Frank's all pissed off she grabs it and then like kind of is in a fugue state

essentially she's just walking we're getting a whole lot of just be camera of her by some river holding this thing. And these people stopped to help her, and they put a Yankees hat on this guy, like, I don't know, that's America, I guess? No. She does walk by two

unconcerned nuns, which is all over. Like, here's this young girl, clearly in distress, I think, possibly covered in a little bit of blood. No, these nuns are like, ew, gross. Catherine, Catherine, she smells evil. I could just, I got it on her. There's no helping this one.

Let's just go. It's very weird. She winds up in a hospital. And the guy, it's kind of great because the doctor is just like, oh, you know, she wants to call her dad. She's so worried that something's going to happen to her father. And the doctor's like, no, no, no, there'll be time for that. What's with this puzzle box?

I'm like, you're a doctor. Dude, I've been talking about. I've been trying to figure it out for hours. Everyone says it's so easy. It's not opening. We combed through your pockets and this was pretty cool. What is it? Who's this picture of Steve?

What? Already? So she solves it, right? And the door opens here. Again, very beetle juice. Yes. Draw a door. And this door opens.

And, man, beautiful map painting in the background. There's something a computer can never do. Fuck you. This thing is great. It's tangible. It's awesome. Fuck you, computer. Yeah.

As is this big fucking evil tongue that starts going after her. Oh, my God. It's called the engineer, you told me. That's right. It's called Dick Butt. Yeah. Closer to the reality, I would say. Yeah, it's kind of like a weird, creepy motto

for like a hot dog company. Like if they were selling like spooky Halloween dogs, because it looks like a hot dog with like teeth and feet. Like you say engineer, I can't imagine this thing working on a machine. And you give me a lugnatch. And it's now the smaller one. I think it's the engineer,

because like in the story, he's like the boss of the centibite. So he's like, excuse. me he's like you're working late tonight pinhead oh he called pin he's like it was a bullying thing like you pinhead yeah oh shit he's stuck someone someone else escaped pal pinhead oh so please stop saying that calling him pinhead like that is the boss is bill o'reilly yes of course i love but yeah i love the idea that he's the boss that's just like get out there and get some more fucking souls get me some blood and come and whatever you're way behind

on your cum quota this month. I don't even know why I do this anymore. You know how many perverts are up there? Come out and get them. No, I'm not taxing your overtime, Butterball. Stop asking. It's fine. You think it's like cops, so Pinhead gets

like more and more gallons of common blood towards the end of the month to make his quota. Yes, exactly. That would make sense. But so she narrowly escapes this thing, closes the door on there. The nurse is watching the flower channel. I don't know if I know. Welcome back to the.

Flower Channel. Is this flowers blooming over and over again? Lillies and roses next. I'd probably tune in for a little bit, man. Yeah, it's a relaxing. You sort of like spark up a little something nice, you know, watching the Flower Channel. A bouquet of entertainment, the Flower Channel.

Ooh, nice, dude. And this is when Julia realized the deal that she's in is pretty bad because, like, Frank is like, oh shit, the Cetabytes are going to get us. And she's like, pardon me? Oh, I guess I didn't. tell you there are these unholy monsters that are going to rip

your nipples off and eat them and all this stuff but we're in love right and they're called who told you they were called centivites and what does that mean? It's in the manual you see that's why you've got to read all the instructions before you play the lament configuration but yes

oh that's right because Kirstie he's freaking out so they have to do something so they're going to kill Larry when he comes home but meanwhile we finally get like we've seen pinhead in the centibites before but this is like their first big scene. The big entrance

into the hospital room which is great but it's kind of funny it's like why did she first have to talk to the manager? Yes. Because like they wait to show up until after the evil hot dog scurries back into the hallway.

Maybe it's like you have a reservation or something just checking if you have one. I'm sorry it took us so long to get here we're really backed up today. But we do accept walking so one moment please oh wait the engineer was here fuck

he is gonna eat my ass over I told you we shouldn't have stopped for lunch, Butterball. Now look what happened. Oh, fuck. But it's kind of great because they're like, oh, you know, you solved a puzzle box, and now you're going to hell, the pleasure, the pain. And she's like, you know, Frank Cotton's missing, the who? Say what now?

I never heard the name. What's this then? It's kind of great because she's, the rest of this movie kind of plays out like an FBI drama. Because she's like, I will get him for you. And then, like, the Cenobites are like, all right, we'll wait in that flower truck outside the house, listening. And when he admits that he left from hell, then we can go in. Not yet, Butterball, not yet.

Okay, Kirstie, you're going to go into the house wearing this gigantic sombrero. Inside it is indeed a camera. Chatterer, this coffee is terrible. He needs to say that he escaped hell. We can't help her yet. Butterball, the operation just started. No, we're not getting burgers delivered to the band. Lady Centivide smoke outside

And I guess this is like they need the hard evidence Why? So there's no like Freddie Kruger-esque loopholes in the whole deal We need some information to sell this fuck up to the engineer And Lucifer The boss. Yeah, I mean the bosses are clearly pissed off at them at this point If Frank got out again he's an idiot

How did you let him out? I don't get it. It's weird because like so they she goes back because she's made a deal they're like all right you can if you deliver us Frank Cotton then we will not

you know do all of our Xenobite stuff yes we will not also try to take you down yes we'll definitely do that yeah we're demons and we're angels to some

yeah sure could you show me some of the people who think of you as angels no but you know what they're in Canada angels to

angels to some demons to others mostly unknown by all. Co-workers to very few. I love you all, CentiBites. Let's hope this undercover sting works perfectly. Now, just make sure you don't finger your box anymore. And father to one.

I love you, Rory. You're the reason I do this. Makes it all worth it to go back home to see Little Pinn, Rory. I hope someday I'm stealing souls just as you, Father. Oh, one day you will. You'll steal us all, won't you, Rory? Father, someday, do you think my pins will be as large as yours? And I'll get over this cold.

Father, do you think someday when we're stealing souls together as a father and son operation, I won't need this dastardly cane anymore? You know, the Lord works in mysterious ways. Now let's get you to bed. Hey, we got back to Baby Hellraiser. It happened. Please, Ebenezer Scrooge, just a few more pens. A few more pins for my face, please.

It's cold on my face. My boy needs shards in his face. You there, what day is it? Alastair Crowley's birthday, sir. Go buy me the biggest sex toy you can find. Here's a shilling. No, the bobbed chains, the bobbed chains. But so she, you know, she goes back, she goes back home, we don't really, we don't see Larry get it, you know what I mean?

Like, it's about to happen. That sucks, man. I watched these three losers get it earlier in the film, but not Larry, the worst character in the movie. I will say, they make sure, because they drink him dry. This guy is finished. Dude, nothing left. Like, you took that Capri Sun and squosed the shit out of it. Quisted it.

Yeah, he's just a smoldering Skellington now, right? Yeah. And he's got, like, weird, like, blood on his head. Not exactly a perfect match, you know? Right. It's like, wouldn't you at least ask your dad more nails in the house you ran into or something? Why are you bleeding from the dome? You know what? Maybe

if I, like, get a dog or a cat, maybe this stuff will go away. Just a quick one, you know? Just suck that one down. He is kind of cracking rats open, like beers, though. Yes. Just a little something to tide him over. Kirstie's so worried about her father

and she's afraid Frank's going to get him And it's kind of this great moment Where she goes and hugs him And she's like She's like the fucking The cenobites are out back They're going to get me like So where's Frank?

Oh I killed him. You what? I'm so fucked right now Why'd you do that? But when he comes out I mean this is like he's not He's there But he's not fully there

Like the hair's like Stapled onto his head And she just runs in like Oh daddy I thought you were hurt I was like, take a look again. It's like, what happened to Uncle Frank? He's like, well, I had to use a dirty dog and I had to put him down.

She's like, can I see him? Yeah, he's a smoldering husk. I'm like, did you use like an X-Men gun on him? Like, what did you do? Why does he look like that? Mr. Data, phasers on melt. It makes no sense, but so she's, and then the centibytes come out

and they have this one more moment where it was like, all right, we want the man who did this. You have to get him to do it. admitted or else we can't do anything. No, no, no, Kirsty, turn a little closer to Frank. I can't hear him. You need to get it into the microphone. Come now.

Oh, that's it. We're a go. We're a go. Swarm, swarm, swarm, swarm. Let's go, guys. Put the lights through the floorboards. Kirsty, I'm missing my little boy's birthday for this. This better be good. It's all right, father. I know your work is very important. I'm going to buy you some new crutches with this next one. one. Oh, flesh crutches, for sure.

It has to be built in. Bones. Skeleton crush. Then he can, like, shove it in people. He could. He sure can, dude. Absolutely. Maybe when you're older, Roy.

She goes back down, and she kind of finds out, she realizes that, you know, oh, you know, this is Uncle Frank, and she does this, like, cool face rip on him. That's kind of cool. This is really nice. It's, like, digging right in. Again, fingernail stuff in the. movie go and and robinson rules because he's doing this great like dual performance like frank as larry then larry as frank and blah blah blah and like yeah it's great i love that he's got the

blade and he's gonna fucking kill her and he's like the cat and mouth shit is over with which except for the remaining cat and mouse shit we'll be doing for the rest of this movie yeah of course it's just different cat and now shit what you moved oh well i'll kill her too i guess yeah he stabs julia pretty hard and isn't too upset about it no you know he takes a drink or two doesn't he? He does. He gets a little sip in there. Little finger sips. That exactly. Fingers sips.

But you're right. The rest of the movie is Cat and Mouse because now Christy is like hiding around. We're just running around the house. It's the only time I can recall outside of like Sunday school that there's a Jesus jump scare. Yes. Because she's like hiding in this guest room

and like a cupboard opens and a huge Jesus statue falls out. Ha! it's scarier than when the corpse tips over and vomits out all the maggots seconds later I'm making a noise at that moment you know what I mean

you have to you would have Frank would have to hear like what's that the sound of maggots spilling my maggot bowl man is spilling my ears are ringing I was saving those for later sounds like Jesus fell out of a cupboard but he can't find her

they wind up going into the main hellraiser room here and yeah the gross attic once again and again she's like So Uncle Frank, who's not my father, speaking to this and say that, you know, you killed him and took his form, right? We can't move, we can't move.

She keeps fucking with her shirt. It's going to come out bad. It's all static. This is an admissible in court. Hellcourt. Ooh, hell court, dude. Totally. Also starring John Larrakhan.

Wasn't that the night court revival was that, right? It's called Elkhart. Very close. But so he does admit that he's and that's when the Centenbytes show up but he even says like you sold me out you bitch

and I'm like what what movie am I watching anymore it's like he's going up the river for like Coke or something he's dealing with Tim Allen or something yeah that guy's a fucking rat you all know that right he sucks okay good

he's terrible excellent but so this is when the chains come out you have the right to remain chained oh hell yeah your nipples will be clamped he just gets ripped right apart and it's beautiful it's awesome you know and here man fuck sensors right because you know there's way more of that exploding corpse effect than you actually get to see in the movie well you wouldn't

want to be a video nasty would you oh Eric oh dear well this was theatrically released here which is interesting which is great good for you guys hell yeah hell razor yeah hell razor yeah so he goes to hell he says Jesus wept very famously which is great this is a great like I think thing for Andrew Robinson too right because that was like his idea the line was just Fuck you Which is fine I guess But Jesus wept

In like a Jack Nicholson impression Beautiful Not bad at all And then most of these It doesn't make any sense Most of them They have a puzzle configuration that will send them back to hell

With Butterball You just have to cave in part of your house I guess He gets buried in this house And that's it He's just staying over The Wicked Witch of the West or whatever That's the rule for him

his big huge leather boots 13 inch platform boots I want to see those off man I want him on wiki feet I want to chuck this guy out no no you don't want to be looking at centabyte feet now no I'm not coming home tonight no look the foot fetish factory it goes every day 24 seven

and they've got me on the hell razor movies do you know how many of them there are it's in the motto of the company when there's a barefoot we will be there how many times do I have to tell you this is my work. Yeah, honey, the new boss is a real engineer around here, okay? Yeah, no, I won't be coming on. Superman's in this one.

Yeah, no, no, man of steel, yeah, yeah, that guy's in this one. No, it's about computers or something. I don't know. I don't know, but just tell Angela, I'm not going to be able to be there and help her with her math. I can't be doing that.

Sick a Hellraiser Hellworld reference. Nice. Thank you very much. I believe it's the seventh sequel in this terrible franchise. I think we're up to, with the remake, we're up to nine or ten. That we're talking.

It sounds right. Great, we can feel free to stop anytime. Any day. Any time you're ready to stop. Oh, we got to get two six, six, six. The, because the centa bites, obviously, they've turned on Kirstie. They're like, yeah, we said we were only going to, you know, do that, but now we want to get you, you're all the pleasure and all that stuff.

Such delicious sites to show you. I heard those are great. She takes the cube and goes and closes it. No. Yes. She just buzzes them like their ghostbuster traps. It's like one part of the trap for each guy. And the first one you solve is Pennhead, Mr. Lord Cenobite?

Yeah, he should be last, right? I think it's obvious symbolism of her sexual liberation. She just keeps, she destroys all these monsters by playing with her box. Many such cases. Oh, yeah, you're right. It's clearly here. Good God. We're going to work on a thesis.

We're going to the university here for this. You'll hear more soon. I'm still trying to get this one last one, but the configuration work. No, it's actually me, Christy, Andre the Giant. I've been stuck in here for weeks. All the centerbites are gone, and it's just me left. Even though I'm quite large, I'm not a bad guy. Here, Christy, have some wine.

No, they all tried to finish me. No, go. They couldn't do it. And somewhere someone was like, you know what the end of this movie is? Steve? No. Nope. He does nothing.

He runs in just as the house is collapsing And there's not a single What the fuck's going on One thing he does which is kind of amazing Is she's trying to figure out The engineer is like really giving her a hard time Yes And like she gets finally gets the fucking box

And Steve takes it like he knows what the fuck it is She just like slap his hands away Like it's fucking directions like I got it Stop it! Shut up! It's also it's kind of funny I guess this is a little low budget When she's when she's fighting with the engineer It's like, are you just holding on to the engineer, Kirstie?

Did you just let go of the engineer? Hold his hand. So they shoe it away, and so that guy's also finished. And then they take it to this parking lot that's on fire. It's just a parking lot with like nine different fires happening at once. There's a lot of those in London, right? That's what I understand. As I've been told.

And she just tosses it into one of the fires. And then here comes the most important character in the movie. The homeless guy comes back out and just reaches in. This dude face planting into the fire is great. It's a stuntman actually doing it, which is awesome. He turns into a guy in this big suit that's on fire for a second. Let's see what, two rounds of Dalcine. Very good.

You know your history. Very good. Two centa bites with the same box. Yeah, and then it turns into a winged creature. It's just the skeleton of a winged creature. Yeah, pretty cool. Takes the box, flies away. thanks for playing and just goes off

I gotta go to see the golden child now or whatever he says Charles dance is waiting for me and then you see it fly away and it's actually a cool aerial shot of Kirstie and Steve standing looking watching this thing fly away

and just like the intro to the film we come back out through the circle of the lament configuration we're back at the cafe and this dude keeps running this scam it's like another guy like in full silhouette and it's like, oh, more sights to show you, too. End of a movie.

Pretty cool ending. And that's Hellraiser. That is Hellraiser. That's the movie. Very good movie. Now, we're going to get out of here so we can all go home and take a shower. But as we close every Wii A Movies live show, we like to check in with the best source for intelligent, well-thought-out, and definitely not crazy film writing on the internet. You guessed it.

The IMDB user review section. Now for this one, you know, it's tough. Like, there's no funny 10 out of 10 review because they're all just like, oh, it's a great movie. So these are a bunch of one out of tens that are quite spectacular. One out of 10 stars thoroughly horrible written by Vosnesis, March the 29th, 2020.

So this is like a week after lockdown starts. You can't hold it against this guy. No, it's completely understandable. What the heck? This movie is terrible. Just a mixture of what? Huh? And goopi gore.

End of review. That lights camera, Jackson. It might be. That fucking weiner. Oh, there you go. Oh, bummer man. What are the odds, man? The internet, small place.

One out of ten, stars, this is great. This franchise should be banned forever. Borislov 5-6-812 June the 17th 2016. I watched this film when I was a child. It scared me a lot and now I know why. And now this is how you come,

right? I finally found the movie that rewired my brain sexually. No, they say what does Borislov say here? This movie is disgusting. And most of all, it makes you feel like you're Hell for real. That's kind of the point. It's successful, though. It's called Atmosphere, sweetheart.

Ace Ventura 2's not doing that. No. Well, maybe it does, actually. I don't know. Let's see. I watched it one time, and I'm not going to watch it again. But so, all right.

You're a liar. Because you said you watched it when you were a kid, but now you watch it for this review, so it's twice, you piece of shit. This movie has no... Oh, no, wait, I skipped a funny part. Oh, yeah, here we go. After watching one of these movies,

it makes you dream nightmares or urges you to do crimes or wrong things. I'm going to be honest with you, man. That sounds like a you problem. I don't think Hellraiser's got anything to do with this one. I'm going to do a wrong thing to nights. Let's see. This movie has no meaningful message,

no meaningful plot, only disgusting images of disgusting murder. with no sense. Hell, Racer. Take care of each other. I am sure these movies contributed to the rise of murders

and crimes in every country where it was released. What the fuck? This is Tipper Gour? What happened? There should be a parental advisory sticker on this movie, y'all.

I'm sure there was. There is. It's the title. Our rating. Bottom long, horrible movie. This and all of the franchise. One out of ten, that's because

I can't give it zero out of ten. Nice. Oh, man. And one final one here for you all tonight. One out of ten stars, subject line has not aged well. Oh. Written by Dead Soon.

Oh, excuse me, Dead Soon X. Okay. January the 29th, 2021. This movie is slow. boring, incredibly grainy, and looks so dated. It looks like this movie has been smoking crack for 30 years. We've been We 8 movies from New York City.

Thanks so much. Coming out, Oxford. We'll see you tomorrow night. Bye-bye. I'm going to be able to be. Thank you.