We Hate Movies - S16 Ep842: Jurassic World: Rebirth (2025)

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

“It’s all melted together into one chocolate bar of horrible…” - Chris on the Jurassic World sequelsOn this week’s episode, the gang’s heading down to the equator to take a dangerous boat ride with Scarlett Johansson and Mahershala Ali in the latest dino-centric sequel, Jurassic World: Rebirth! Is this the most half-baked movie of last year? Why couldn’t ScarJo be a grown up version of Clone Girl from Fallen Kingdom? Why are we so obsessed with referencing the first movie? Why is the story engine just a lame video game plot? Did they have any idea what to do with this mutated dinosaur idea? And were they kidding with that Snickers product placement? PLUS: The Skeleton League touches down on the island to collect Dino-skeletons. Jurassic World: Rebirth stars Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali, Jonathan Bailey, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Luna Blaise, David Iacono, Audrina Miranda, Philippine Velge, Bechir Sylvain, Ed Skrein, and Rupert Friend as Martin Krebs; directed by Gareth Edwards.This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney dot com slash WHM.Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey, gang, real quick, before we get to today's episode on Jurassic World, Coland rebirth, just a reminder, we do have the first leg of the 2026 tour locked in and tickets are on sale. First up, February 22nd, Los Angeles, California. We will be back at the Hollywood improv talking Broken Arrow. Oh, John Travolta, Christian Slater, a dangerous train ride. Then March 20th, we are in Minneapolis, Minnesota. That's right, the great city of Michigan. Minneapolis, Minnesota. We will be at the varsity theater talking Conan the barbarian, or should I say Conan the Barbillian, because we are definitely talking about the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger one. Don't get that twisted. We will be there. Arnold impressions on hand. And then just a few nights later, March the 22nd, we will be back in Chicago, Illinois, at the Den Theater talking big. And you know, we hate movies. You know what goes on in that movie. You know that show is going to be a barn burner. All tickets are on sale now.

I hide to our website, wh HMpodcast.com to get that info. All right, here we go. Somehow they keep finding more islands with more dinosaurs on. It's Jurassic World Rebirth. Enjoy. Oh, perfect. This week on the program, well, shit, they keep making these, huh? It's Jurassic World Rebirth. I'm Andrew Jupin.

Steven Sadek. Eric Sisksaurus. D. Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine. program as always. That's right. We are continuing the month of movies we saw last year with this one.

Jurassic World Rebirth directed by Gareth Edwards. You know him from Monsters, the 2014 Godzilla, Star Wars Rogue One, and the creator, which I think only Chris saw. Yeah, not good. Chris, come and get your boy here. I wish, man. This is so disappointing for me. Like, I think proven wrong. Well, yeah. Well, like, because I thought I really loved the 2014 Godzilla. I love. Great I love that movie. And I thought like, I'm like, oh, this is the, this is going to be a new fucking guy. I can't fucking wait. And then I, you know,

before all the drama happened with Rogue One, which we're never going to know the whole story, I wish to death we would. Sure. And I would have loved to know where he was going with it originally. But like, after then, it's just been. Can I tell you what I think happened, by the way? I've been thinking about this for a while now, you know.

It took two seasons of a television show to make me like Rogue One a little more. But, you know, everybody, you just said, you know, we don't really know what happened and why and whatever. Can I put it out there? I think he must have fucked somebody's wife. Oh, possible. Fuck him the wrong wife. Look, I'm going to, look, I think a very smart image maker, a hell of a director, if you give him the right stuff.

He kind of looks like Toad from the X-Men. I love, I think he's a very, I think he's incredibly collegeing guys. So you're saying he can't be a wife fucker because he looks like a fungus person. I don't know. I'd fuck Toad from the X-Men. Sure. Oh, wow. He's got that tongue.

Yeah, exactly. I do like the idea of getting to the bottom of that. Do a movie like, you know, there was Citizen Kane and that RKO movie. Yeah. I need John Malcovich talking about Rogue One, the Garrett Edwards cut. Is that his name? Yes. That film will never see the light of day.

I need that line delivery, but about his Rogue One. It's John Malcovich as Kathleen Kennedy. He's got a wig on. Yes. That movie will never see the light of day Everyone is Malkevich, Malcolmovich, Malikovic, Malchich Just a little tweak I appreciate that we've started saying that

This is not the worst of the last year Because people think that's some sort of ranking system It's not, it's your point It's movies that we saw last year I have the ranking. If you want it No, no, no, I do have it. But I just I did not watch this movie last year

You have to pay me to watch these movies That's where we're at. I watched it last night And it is the year 2026. Because there's never been a good sequel to a Jurassic Park movie. I love Jurassic Park. It's true. There's never been a single good one and the streak remains unabated. Absolutely.

I completely agree with you. I will say I mentioned this on the year already, but I did see this at the drive-in. It was very cool. I love a good driving experience. Sure. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. And I will say also, I am a firm believer that this, even though I don't like this movie,

I've now seen it twice. I don't think it's good. It is not the worst Jurassic World movie. I agree with that. It's just not. No, I agree with that. So maybe it's the second best Jurassic World? I mean, here's the issue.

Because I feel like the first one, at least, I know we all have Chris Pratt, Chris Pratt fatigue. But at least that was an attempt at a character. There is no character in this movie. Well, that's, I'll tell you the problem here is I think after, I think Fallen Kingdom's number two. Or, I forget if it's Dominion. I think it's Fallen Kingdom and then Dominion. That's what I think too. Since falling, about halfway through.

The Fallen Kingdom, I just, these all melt together. It's all melted together into one chocolate bar of horrible. Fallen Kingdom has that chamber drama ending, which is kind of interesting, right? Like that's, is that the Ted Levine one? Yes, they're like in a house and there's an auction. It's a house of horrors. It is James Cromwell is playing the secret partner to what's his face, John Hammond. Yeah.

Which all sounds good. Girl. That's the problem. Clown Girl shows up and that I can and who could forget Clown Girl. Dude, I wanted Scarlett to be grown up Clown Girl and like, yeah, like that's like a thread that you could keep. Something that could inform the character perhaps. Exactly. In one way or another. Someone in universal when they, they fucking drove the dump truck to David Kapp's house. We're like, and no clone girl. The number one thing. You cannot do, motherfucker. You are interrupting yet another script. I'm writing for Stephen. in Soderberg. Do you know that? Do you know that? I've been making these for

Steven and I like working with Steven. I'm surprised this was him to be honest. I know. I mean, it's him, but it's fucking Swiss cheese, clearly. Like, who knows what the script was and what the movie was? But apparently, the OG draft that he wrote, or one of the earlier drafts, maybe not the original, had even more stuff referencing part one. Jesus Christ. And Spiebberg read the script and it was like, dude, you have to cut all this stuff.

Like, that is my thing as the executive producer on this franchise. You aren't cutting all that out. Hey, executive producer. Maybe you get more involved than just cutting things out. Maybe you figure out ways to put things in. Maybe you direct one of these. I would say shit or get off the pot.

Either direct the next movie, Stephen, or divest from the franchise. Because I think the Spielberg DNA actually is hurting the movie more than it's helping it at this point. It is, but it's not, I don't think it's Spielberg who is making that decision necessarily. I think that's them being like, well, we have to get the first one,

one where we, that was where all this heart came from and that's where our whole thing comes from. And like, to what you were just saying, the fucking Jurassic Park at this point, it's not only that they're copying from Jurassic Park. There's scenes in this that come from fucking like Jurassic World.

Like the first one, I'm like, we just, we were just there. We were just there. Oh, yeah. Why do you care? Why is this happening? Why? It's also weird, the title rebirth is afterbirth? No, after birth. Oh, it's rebirth. Yeah. Is actually. We're looking at some afterbirth in this movie, though.

Yes, because we get to the island of Misfit toys, and that is literally the afterbirth of Jurassic's World. But it's only rebirth from a branding perspective, because it's not actually like a reset of any kind. No. This is probably just going to be a one and done, whatever. Maybe they'll bring Scarjo back or something. I hope not.

I don't know. We'll get into it, but I really hope not. But it's not even like, oh, and now everything has changed. It's a really small nothing story. What's amazing is that, so we're at, at the, this is following Dominion. Now, so Fallen Kingdom, that's the one with the haunted house. And then

they make the, they like, just, they like nuke whatever island it is. Dominion, they bring back Malcolm. Domainly is the one where it's the, the two casts of both arms of the franchise come together. They come together and they all survive the movie and there's 11 people in the helicopter. Crazy. Like nobody,

nobody. We can't take off. There's too many people. Seriously. What did one of you be eaten by a dinosaur by now? We don't have that many seeds. Dirt, dirt, dirt, too much fan service. going to go down we're going to go down no we're going to oh fuck no you know we can't kill allan grant the grant heads are going to kill us online you understand that is why that your characters it's so insufferable and i i i will say i have to give this movie credit the only thing that they like there's any mention of characters as they say that jonathan bailey's character

dr lumis studied under alan grant dr luke you're putting dr lumus into you just can't do that it's so embarrassing, but... No, he comes back every Earth Day, Sheriff. It's a Michael Soros. The D-Rex comes back and gets into Illinois every year. That Delaphasaurus is evil. Sheriff

is spitting oil poison everywhere. He killed his sister on Earth Day. You understand me? I shot him six times. It's still walking around. I shot him with six blowdarts. Sheriff, six times with a blow dart. Don't let a Snickers rapper get near him.

He'll come for you. We will get to that Snickers wherever. Hang on to your butt, Sheriff. There we go. Look at the waters, sheriff. It's a movie. Well, I do want to say, Stephen, to your point, Spielberg giving him a shit about the script

sounding too much like the original. Guess what? The Force Awakens sounds and acts a lot like a new hope. It just does. But if you allow them that sin, maybe they make a sitable, enjoyable movie the way the Force Awakens is. I had a fun time.

If it's the same movie, if you put a new coat of paint on it, I'm fine. If that's what you're doing, that's fine. At this point, we're just remaking these movies anyway. Just fucking remake it at this point. But I feel like a lot of that, though, with Force Awakens specifically, is structural.

Right? This is like, there's scenes in this, like the gas station scene in this movie, is the kitchen scene from the first one. Yes. beat for beat. Right? So I think that's a little different.

Like, I don't know. Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but I feel like structural similarities versus like, that's just that scene, which I'm sure you could do with force or wiggins and even want to do. I mean, yeah, it's on different planets and different places. People's big problem with that was like, oh, it's the death star again. Sure.

I mean, you know, it's a laser that can blow up a planet. I would want one myself. Gotta blow up something, dude. And this is dinosaurs. It's just dinosaurs again. And I never liked, oh, people are bored. We got to have the mutantoruses. We got to have the big monster things.

It's so dumb. I don't understand the point of that. Because it actually changes the DNA of the movie. The movie is supposed to be. Dino DNA. It's supposed to be dinosaurs coming around. That is just monsters. It's monsters. And I also would raise my hand that these, the first Jurassic Park movie makes it very clear that these are not dinosaurs.

They are abomination monsters with bullfrog DNA. Right. So they're not actually. They look enough for the audience of dinosaurs. But this at the end, they look like the end of fucking Willow with the, with the dragon with the big butthead. It looks like the big monster in the mist at the end. Like, I don't even know what this thing is.

I don't know. This is a real back to formula. What were you thinking? What is this thing? Well, I mean, people have that kind of problem. They have big foreheads, right? Jim, Jim, could you please, could you stop? Jim, it's fine.

We can just do it. We don't have to point to it. We can just do it and not talk about it. So the cold open, such as it is, we're in the dinosaur factory. 17 years ago. Wow, okay. Oh, wow. Because it's not present day.

It will be present. One years old at the time. Interesting. Where does this fit in the chronology of Jurassic World movies? Is this beyond? This is years beyond Dominion, maybe? I think it's before. So it's 17 years after the events of Jurassic World?

No, no, 17 years before. So this is a prequel? No. Because we're going to jump ahead. Yeah. Into present day. It's 17 years ago they're making these bad evil bullshit dinosaurs. Okay, but wait, for Jurassic Part 1?

No, these are for... Jurassic World was 17 years ago. What's happening now is happening now. So that would be 2008. But the movie came out more recent than that. The first Jurassic World movie, yes, 2015. Okay. All right.

So if you're going from plus 17, 25, minus 17. Yes. That is the start of this movie. Yeah. Which would be 2008. That would be your time. The beginning of this movie, the cold open of this movie with the Snickers bar and everything is set in 2008.

And after the lab disaster. we go forward to present it. And did Jurassic World happen yet or not? No, that's going to happen a couple of years. It's going to happen in the in-between. Yes. So the Snickers and the Snickers rapper happens, right? Three, seven years later, they opened Jurassic War.

Which actually, Eric, you made it a great, you just made me realize a great point because somewhere in the movie, because somebody is like, I think Jonathan Bailey is like, well, why would you, or somebody's like, why would you biologically engineer monster dinosaurs? Doesn't that make no sense? And it's like, well, people were bored of looking. at the regular dinosaurs. I'm like, well, the first Jurassic Park never even opened because it was bullshit. So this doesn't make any sense.

So you were doing all your fiddling. Jurassic World opened. And they had regular dinosaurs for a while, right? They did. The timeline actually doesn't make sense in that regard. And that world was more of an amusement park all around like that. You could stay there. It was like the new Disneyland.

It had a Margaritaville. Yeah, you had all the time. Or a cheeseburger in paradise. And they invented the mega T-Rex then as well, right? Here it is. Yeah, there was that. Like a whatever. There was a new dinosaurian.

The D-Rex, and then there's the other one that was make, yeah. Totally different. This makes so much sense it takes place in 2008 because this was Obama bailing out all the big corporations. We're going to have to bail out those mutant dinosaur people. They need money too. Oh, Jurassic World is too big to fail. We tortured some of those dinosaurs. We tortured a few of them.

I thought I was getting a couple of nasty nefarious dinosaurs. Turns out they just nuke the dinosaur wedding Newk all the dinosaur weddings Yeah they shouldn't be getting there I'm pardoning only the dinosaurs that ate people So it's a big facility we see Are these people anybody?

I don't look at the actors It doesn't seem like that. This might be the best part of the movie It is easily the best part of the movie That is DeiSX Snickers by the way Yeah, doing essentially what I kind of a parody version of the Godzilla opening Pretty much, yeah something going

It would be funny if the D-Rex comes around the corner, he's like, hungry, why wait? I think there needs to be a bigger alarm if the D-Rex pen does not close properly. The fact that people are, everyone's so goddamn busy with all the dinosaurs. Sure. And like the alarm's like going off and like you can tell, they cut to a monitor that's not being like actually looked at. I'm like, that shouldn't happen. You'd have a freak staring at that particular screen the entire time, 24-7. The second it sort of the Snickers bar goes in there, there should be a tur, dirt, tur, tur, tur, everyone, red alert.

And whatever that smoke is that they're pumping in, that gas that they're pumping in, I want that shit as lethal as you got. I want that shit. The people who are stuck in there, they're dead anyway. They're going to be fucking turned into snickers bars as it was just been said. Like, just it's over. Let them die. I think the alarm should go off the second your professional scientist man opens a big old stuff. Snickers bar in the laboratory.

And chocolate detected. Come on. You don't want to get chocolate on the keypad, dude. No. Or on your Raptor hybrid mutadon that you've created, the names of these things. It would be great if the mutadon died immediately after eating this guy because it's like a dog that I can't have chocolate and these guys have chocolate all over them. Yeah. They should just kill these things by feeding it inappropriate stuff.

Okay. It's a big bowl of Halloween candy. Yeah, exactly. Now, God damn it. this key pen. You know, we got rid of the stickers because of the chocolate footprints thumb prints. We're going to get rid of the Cheetos

now because this is dust all over these fucking things. It's everywhere. But I'm a sucker for in a movie and I know this is also like a cliche scene or whatever but like oh, turn the key and let me out. Oh, I can't do that. Oh, yeah. I always like those moments. The actress, I think both actors are fun.

They sell it are right. Yeah, I'm glad that the guy that gets got is candy rapper guy. It was your own fault. That's right. Your snacking led to your own death, sir. The product placement in this movie is out fucking raging. It's something, huh? It's, I mean, this is how you pay.

It's an old school, you know? Like, well, this is how you pay for big ass movies like this? Get on into your Snickers? You can be the fucking cause of it all. I guess that's the question. So you have two options. Do you want to sit through six minutes of production credits or production logos?

Or do you want to watch Snickers be the reason things go wrong? I'm more for the Snickers being in the problem. Ultimately, I just prefer. For, like, as long as you're being creative about it. As long as it's not the Pepsi can save the world, I'm fine with it. There is a fine line with product placement. To your point, there's Chris, because it's like Snickers, that's a relatable thing in the real world. If it was a, like, oh, my Zarno's bar or whatever.

Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, that's exactly it. It's when it's like a sore thromb, yeah, of course I'm going to be like, oh, why would you have? Like, I remember way before they were like a big name, that movie arbitrar. It was pretty good. Sure. Like Susan Sarandon has to, in the middle of dialogue, like come out of it. And remind me, I have to write a thank you note to zapos.com for sending us all these free shoes.

I have to do it. And so many sizes available. Well, I like the idea of stickers sitting down in the universe. All right. So, yeah, we would love to be. The whole Mars family of products would be, we would love to be part of this. You know, we cut a nice check. Could it kill someone, though?

Is there a way that our product can be directly involved with not just the murder of one person, but possibly multiple? Just like real life. Before you ask, no, we're not talking about the dinosaurs. We want them to kill real human beings. And remember, the Snickers logo is going to be all over. You're going to see it quite a few times. So allowing them to die, really, it's to your interest.

And also, just another request from the Mars Corporation here, when you have the Snickers bar being, the thing that causes the death of a human being, could we see the Snickers logo just as we ape screaming violins from Psycho for a second because this dude's getting eaten the fucking Snickers rapper is still fresh on your mind

and you're hearing, eat, oh, and one more thing, if there's a twist in your movie, no, no, no, it's a Twinks. Twinks, is it Twinks? Is it Twix? It's Twix, yeah. Twix is my search history. Yes. Easy mistake. It happens all the time. Oh, they, oh boy.

Twix and bear. Yeah. Do I want the left Twigs? And you know what? Seeing the Snickers bar in there, it's almost as good as having Brian Cranston and Julieta no, sure. It's almost as good. It's very nearly there.

But this thing, like, why make it? Why make the D-Rex? By the way, D-Rex is Dick Rex. I'm sorry. You can't have D-D-Dash. I'm thinking about Dix. The head looks like a penis. And like, of course it does.

D-Rex, I thought this was Scarlet-Hohansson's tank top in the film. Oh, man. Oh, good Lord. What are you on the ringer? I'm trying. I'm trying to audition. I need to move up in the world. You've got to make that kill Tony. You've got to get it there, man. Tony Hinchcliff, call me. This episode's brought you in part by Rocket Money. Do you ever feel like the money is just disappearing?

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That is rocketmoney.com slash WHM. Remember, that is RocketMoney.com slash WHM, which stands for We Hate Movies. So Snickers Boy Eat Shit, the lady screams, the big logo comes up. We get present day with, uh, uh, uh, Rupert friend sitting in a car and we get some radio talk that gives us some exposition here. We do learn. We got some title card too. They tell us.

Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. It's both. There's a lot. There's a fucking lot. But yeah, you're right. The title card part, 32 years since dinosaurs return. The modern climate is killing them.

Also, the public doesn't give a shit. I love this notion of like, the public not caring. Yeah. Like, why couldn't the public also do that for this franchise? Yes, exactly. Thank you. And also the idea of like this, the Bronto, Bronco Billy about to die, or Bronto Billy, I assume is Bronto.

Is dying like fucking Central Park or wherever the fuck he is in Manhattan. And like, nobody cares. And also they're like, oh, it's the environment. It's not the environment. It's the Taco Bell. Lord knows this thing's grazing in Manhattan. Exactly, dude. And also.

This dino diarrhea is jumbo for crying out loud. It's getting all of that shit. But this town comes. out for stranded big animals, though, man. You remember when that whale got stuck in the Gowanus Canal? The fucking city was so concerned for like 72 hours, and then it died. Of course. Much like Brontobilly,

I think. Oh, man, if Bronto Billy stuck his nose in the Gowanus Canal, he'd be dead in seconds. It's like Homer's sneezing on the fucking dinosaur. Oh, I mean, it does. It must be a little nostalgic, though, because you haven't smelled diseases like that since your early days.

Before the comet hit, you were getting these diseases in Gowanus. But we're told also in this thing that the surviving species have moved towards the equator. And now the equator is like a no-go zone for human beings. Interesting. So the entire band around the planet. And you would think that would suggest that they have people monitoring those areas and making sure that there are people that wouldn't just, I would say, take a nice boat vacation into those waters. You know, it's interesting, right?

because we were talking on the it'll come out later this month but we talk about it on Scareddy Cats and 28 years later there is the the Boats the Swedish boat

the UN votes that go around how about something like that anything how about a Dino command that was that the first movie or no oh it's something that I can't be in this one

why would you think of a new thing right there's this word here C-R-E-A-T-E I've never heard you want to create. What? Creatte. Maybe it's just being realistic because, you know, we don't do anything in real life. Like, there's no

protections, nothing's ever good, so why would anyone ever guard? Why would NATO care about the dinosaurs? That's fine if you make a joke about it or something to like kind of be like... Put a hat off. Yeah, oh, everybody knows you can go into these waters. Everybody knows. You need to set this up

better than having it in this scroll and then having the family go there and then they're going there. I need to, I need a little more table dressing here. Yeah. It would add some danger. And I also think, like, Saskarjo goes into a Rupert friend's car and like, you know, Woody Allen is actually really

fucking cool and I'm tired of everyone putting him down. Can I talk to you about dinosaurs, ma'am? It would it be possible to stop talking about Woody Allen for a moment? It's so hilarious she did that right before the Epstein Files. He's in every photo. Of course he is. He's in

everything. They were best friends. I like getting in a good picture. So much of that fucking the stuff has come out It's like yeah he was over there He and his wife were over there for fucking dinner Every other night getting Chinese with Jeffrey Epstein No I'm just recognizing that this was the guy hanging around scoop He was all over scoop

Uh oh match point But like she is Zora Bennett by the way And he is a reuben friend Martin Krebs Now I think this might be the worst she's ever been in a movie I'm with you 100%. I never have a big problem with her. It feels like she's disassociating in this role. It's this kind of character.

I just don't think she does it. Like, they're like over it. I'm so over all this shit. Like I've been all the over. I've worked with Blackwater. Me and Eric Prince, best buds, it turns out. Yeah, our hero in the movie.

Great. This lady. Fantastic. Police. Awesome. Great. And that's, I almost, because they're trying to even talk about if,

A, if she gave a shit or B if the movie gave a shit. I think a movie about, you know, weird mercenaries, because we kind of did that with Pete Postell's way in a little bit. Like, weird mercenaries going on the island for like ill gain, kind of a dirty dozen thing. Right. Maybe one of them. Well, that sounds fun, dude.

Yes. And that's sort of what they almost set up here. Like maybe Scarjo has a haunted pass and she actually turns out to be the good guy or whatever. Like, you could write that movie. Stevie Spielberg, when he did The Lost World, at least. he had the body has hit the floor he had that much sense to be like no we need a body count this has

to we these guys have to get killed but your point about dirty dozen makes a lot of sense to me like imagine it's this rag tag group like these mercenaries trying to get this of course they're not all going to be good and whatever and you have a character like maggot from Dirty Dozen with Talley Savala's character

who's unhinged and crazy and you've got to kind of put them down yourself there needs to be These characters need to have friction points. They need to be coming up against each other in some way. They're trying to set that up with end screen, but that doesn't happen at all.

Are you guys asking for a kind of, how would you put this? A suicide squad. Sure. I would be fine with a suicide. Because again, that's what this scene is setting up. It's like, you have this checkered past and, you know, I can pay you money so you can never have to do this again.

She's like, I suppose so. Because also, I mean, that's the thing, she needs to care. And I do think she's a good actress. Even borderline of great actress in certain things, but not a character for her idea. Here's what it is, I think, right? You make it so that she's working on this equatorial force, whatever it is, right? And on her watch, somebody blows through.

This is much better. And it's like, we're going to go get him. Come on, Ed's screen. Mahershala, that fucking Haitian dude, you know his dead meat from his first frame of the movie? And the other lady who was also dead meat, clearly. that girl gets God. And then like if she's in pursuit of mercenaries and pursuit of a family gone missing,

that is a more interesting movie than her being part of the mercenary squad and just I just fucking getting the DNA sample. The problem is that I've seen recently there's a at least one movie one franchise that's tried it twice and it's fucked up the suicide squad type thing.

Predator. Yeah. The predator and predators are both a similar kind of setup and they fucked it both times. It's a good point. It's hard to do right. Yeah, because you have to care about each one of the characters enough to give them some space. Right.

But that adds your runtime to God knows what. And then you have to actually kill them off and not have people like, we got my favorite character. And we need time to show the butosaurus or whatever it's called. Yeah, butsaurus. But yeah, so Krebs basically makes the cell that you make to characters like this and movies like this where it's. It's like, here's $10 million, so you will decide to go into the no-go zone where you just told me eight seconds ago you aren't going to go.

Sure. You could use that money to buy a personality. Gareth, cut real quick. I just need help with my character. Is $10 million a lot to people? So she would be excited about. Okay. So it's more than like paying for lunch?

10 million dollars. That's what, like a vacation money? Wait, wait, wait, Gareth, you're telling me that this girl's going to risk her life, fight these dinosaurs, go down there, do all that just because she needs an addition on her house? That's kind of weird. But just to pay my taxes, it's not worth it.

But yeah, deep pockets, $10 million. Also, we're bringing a civilian. We cut to a dinosaur cartoon that is very much reminiscent of Dino DNA. We got the gosh darn when dinosaurs, Rousers ruled the Earth banner. We're getting so much mileage out of that banner. I almost fucking walked out of my living room.

I was so mad when I saw the banner. I'm like, because that lets you know everything you need to know about this movie. It does. It's about the elbow nudge. Oh, you know what that's... And of course, some asshole on IMDB seconds after seeing this type of... Do you know that's a battle from the original movie? Tramia.

Did you see the middle school thing? No. This is where I screamed a little bit. What? Crichton Middle School. Oh, stop. Where is there in middle school in the movie? There's a bus coming, like, it's like stopped right at the car for a while,

and it's like clear as day. Oh, Lord. Right in middle school. Right near Billy Bronto. Easter egg. Oh, Bronto Billy. Damn, Easter egg. And also, like, the Bronto Billy thing is actually.

I would like, not to be rude, but I want to watch this Brontosaurus die. You know what I mean? Like, you set it up. Yeah. Because she's like, he's like, oh, well, this thing die already. And she's like, that's pretty heartless, man. And I'm like, so what is it? What does anyone think about dinosaurs in this world?

What are you? That's what a shaker. Well, that is, I think, has been the biggest mistake of this new branch of this franchise is multiple characters throughout them. In one way or another being like, well, they're animals. And that's the whole tune is now it turns into like a PETA thing. There's dinosaur rights activists in Fallen Kingdom and Dominion or whatever. just like, nah, man, they're monsters. You fucking engineered monsters in a lab.

You fucking made a dinosaur out of toad semen. Come on now. You at least have to work that into this. You cannot keep like those, at least those last two have been way too hard on like, they're like your pet. They're like your little pet. And part of the problem is even trying to tie to the continuity of any of these other fucking movies. That's why I said just remake, just do a dinosaur movie.

Yeah. Slap Jurassic, whatever you want on it. And it's just a dinosaur. movie and you don't have to bog yourself down with the mythos. Because that's all anybody cares about is watching a CGI dinosaur bite a person. That's it. The problem is you've got to be careful what you wish

for. Oh, three eight movies. You just want a dinosaur movie, do you? Well, I'll give you 65 with Adam Driver. Where no one's talking through the whole fucking thing. Better movie than this. Yes. I'm with him on this. That's a tough call. Oh, did we cover that

on the show? Shorter. That I didn't see it. Yeah, no. I went to the theater to see that movie, friend, because I was very much like, it's dinosaurs without the Jurassic Park baggage. Well, also, isn't that what the new, that primitive war? With Ryan Quentin?

Is that? Dinosaurus in Vietnam? Exactly, yes. Of course. I got to see that. It's long. Yeah, it's like over two hours. I was dancing around it and it was so long and I was like, I don't know. That's what, at least, that's what 65 has is that it's fucking short.

It's longer. It's short. It's kind of, it's kind of a weird movie. It's not necessarily. So 65, is that a sequel to 61 directed by Billy Crystal about Roger Maris? And they're so bogged down in the mythos. I'm trying to relate it back to 61. I'm surprised you knew that. I haven't seen the movie.

Wouldn't you believe it, though, it's a prequel. Turns out 65 million years before 61. Oh, okay. So, yeah, it's the same universe. So he's a paleontologist guy at a museum. Jonathan Bailey is Dr. Henry Loomis. The internet's boyfriend. And he's a fine little.

I've never seen him in much. Good-looking fella. I, like, especially in the first things, I'm not very familiar with him. I saw Wicked Ones. I didn't really care for it. And I've seen Rupert friend usually dressed as like a monster in different things. Has he played monsters? Obi-1.

He was the Inquisitor. Oh, right, right, right, right. And he's great in Asteroid City, also with Scarjo. Death of Stalin. He's fucking amazing in that. But the two of them in this, my British actor, face blindness, I'm like, which one is which? Who's got glasses on? What are we talking about?

I was kind of having that, too. I usually don't have this issue with accents. Like it doesn't bother me. Him trying to keep this thing down. Oh, it's tough. It was rough. He's just like, oh, hello. I'm a alien scientist.

Perfect. It works for John Hammond. Yes, it's totally fine. He's a British scientist. Leave it. Why do we have British fucking scientists leading our Jurassic world when we could have nice British scientists that have an American accent that occasionally works? I'm not gonna cast in America.

That would be disgusting, but I will not have him speak with his natural born accent. But so this is like the angle we're at now, right? They have discovered that, oh, actually blood from these dinosaurs can help cure heart disease is what we're going with here. And the bigger the dinosaur, the better the blood. And for some reason, we need an air, sea, and land one, like where the fucking 1980s cartoon, the Centurion.

and that's excellent poll but Eric this is you mentioned it before the whole like we need one from sea one from land one from air this now turns it into the Jurassic Park video game yeah it does you have to go to the three different stages and get the blood sample from the three different areas and in the meantime it's not it's not and they actually like even the most exciting one I guess would be the well I guess the water one's kind of exciting and the bird one's sort of sort of exciting. But they're not even the intent.

The big thing at the end is the big monster guy. It's the escape. It's the escape. Who's got nothing to do with it. Honestly, I don't I don't really like them, but I feel like the family

running a drift of this would be more interesting on their own. Yeah. Than dealing with the sample collectors. Yep. No, it absolutely, yes. You got to pick one.

I would pick the mercenaries, but I agree you do have to pick one. Yes. It's two movies slap. together and they barely talk to each other. You could do the mercenary thing as like a dirty dozen. You could do the mercenary thing as they blew through the checkpoint and out NATO's after them.

You could do the families as, uh-oh, they are now being chased by the NATO people to save them. Or maybe they run a foul of mercenies who are doing mercenary shit, not collecting samples. Well, that's the thing. This is so silly, like the explaining that has to go on about like, well, we shoot them. And then they take the blood that's magic and create, you know, and then it goes, shoots up into the air and then you have to catch it magically. Or how about this? You know, you know, it's down by the equator. There's

dinosaurs everywhere. No one's allowed to go there. What if someone's doing a drug farm down there? Yeah. Great. And they're running their shit back and forth and shit goes tits up. That's much totally. Much better. This is all stuff you can do when you remove the Spielberg DNA. You know what I mean? That's true. That's more pulp. That's more to that. It's more to that. It's a big heroin

operation or something. Totally. That's why the dinosaurs don't wear clothes. That's so that's stealing the heroin. Yes. Maybe Scarjo's a bad. She's like, she's like got tasting heroin off her knife, you know?

Yeah. Totally. Like Tom Cruise is an American maid. Like, just running it. Like, it doesn't have any feeling about it one way or the other.

It's just like, this is my job. So we need the samples from a mosaaurus, a, that's the ocean one, a titanosaurus, land one, and the Ketzel Coatlas,

the air one. Why not just make it like, Breath of the Wild? You have to get their essence. So this is water blight dinosaur. This is Woffblite dinosaur. I know are these dinosaurs you just listed? Are these quote unquote real ones?

I believe these are the real ones. I actually saw the Museum of Natural History, I don't know, I think it's still there, has a titanosaurus skeleton. Oh, cool. And it fucking goes through multiple rooms. The one with the, like where their tails get really thin. The tail, it just keeps going like out into another part of the museum.

It's pretty fucking sweet, I have to say. And also Jonathan Bailey's thing, speaking of museums, he's a museum guy and he's like oh you know you oh you know whatever years ago when we had the dino boom when dinosaurs were roaming the earth

this museum was fucking ass to ankles you couldn't get in here and I'm like no I'd rather just look outside and look at a fucking bone or something because it goes we had five people in here yesterday you can't have the same setup as night at the museum exactly you just can't

yeah your museum can't also be going out of business Jonathan Bailey. That made money. I don't know why we can't put it into the script that it's a night at the dinosaur museum. I would rather have that. I love Rupert and friend has to be like, oh, you know, well, actually this will fulfill your dream, which

is exactly the setup for the first movie. You could finally see these dinosaurs in the open and not in a zoo. Otherwise, you're just a guy who visits zoos. Exactly. Because you have to add something now because these things have been running around farting for fucking 32 years. I'm glad you brought that up.

Barting? Well, that's, you know what? We're talking a lot, and rightfully so, about how, like, meeting and can alert, help climate change and all that stuff. Are you, think about what damage is being done to the atmosphere when you have a brontosaurus fart.

Like, a T-Rex burp destroys half the fucking thing on one go. After he raids a Burger King. Yeah. Oh, hey, how's it going? Amazing. I just finished paying off all my debt with the help of the Credit Counseling Society.

Whoa, seriously? I could really use their help. It was easy. I called and spoke with a credit counselor right away. They asked me about my debt, salary, and regular expenses, gave me a few options, and help me along the way. You had a ton of debt. And you're saying Credit Counseling Society helped with all of it?

Yep. And now I can sleep better at night. When Debt's got you, you've got us. Give Credit Counseling Society a call today. Visit no more debts.org. Oh yeah This fucking dinosaur Was eating out of the dumpster

Behind the Dairy Queen Look out Look out Lassianica A fucking diarrhea Of fucking typhoon Coming your way A raptor eats Wendy's And it grows a third arm

Out of its chest So So that's when The zoo comment That's slight Convinses him to go So we go to Suriname In South America

Where we meet Mahershala As Duncan Kincaid And wouldn't you know at Duncan and Zori, you know, they spent like 10 years on missions. Everybody remembers Nicaragua or wherever. Hey, it's Kevin, it's Marhershala again.

I am about to do a Jurassic World movie. No blade, huh? I'm just, I'm, no, I got my coat on. I'm about, it's going to be great. It's a whole movie that we're going to make. We're actually film it. We're figuring out right now how we're going to get Blade back from space.

We know we know we have to get him there to begin with. So then once we figure, out him in space and him coming back from space, we're going to be, we're going to call you right then. Kevin, it's Mahershal again. Listen, still on this Jurassic World Set, had to fight them.

They really wanted me to do a voice for this character. And I really had to fight them on just wanting to talk like Mahershula. Yeah, please figure out that blade situation. What if I told you you're going to be one of three blades? You're going to have, There's going to be a Wesley Snipes. Oh, dude, yeah, the pitch is just like

you're right, Blade, and then you do the dollar sign for the ass. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's actually, yeah, so it's you, Wesley Snipes. And remember the 1990s Spider-Man show that had Blade in three episodes? And a cartoon comes out like Roger Rabbit, you're talking to him. And I know what you're asking to yourself. Why didn't we just ask sticky fingers to come back from the TV show? You know why.

Yeah, so we do this whole rigamarole. where they actually convince Rupert Friend's character to jack it up to 20 million. We're doing this whole scam where Mahershal is pretending like he's not into it. Yeah, Jack it up. Yeah, Scarjo, you know, and him are working. And it's just so funny, like, it's weird because Marhershla is an amazing actor. And he actually, like, cares about this movie to whatever degree. Like, so he's like doing kind of one-sided chemistry with Scarjo because he's like,

remember Nicarago's like, yes, I do remember Nicaragua. Pardon me while I stare in the distance. It's weird how when they have scenes together, like he's doing it, but then like every time she's got to talk, the movie turns off. You know, really it does. It kind of does. Did you get a Christmas card from Eric Prince this year? I get one.

Usually you get one with the him and all the pile of dogs he's killed that year. And also a Coldstone Creamery gift card. He's such a generous man. We love him so much. And here comes Ed Screen and his... Bobby Atwater, Chief of Security. Bobby Atwater. What the fuck?

Shut up. Bobby Kill Soon. And he's like the guys, I'll bring it guns on dismission. Which is A number one good idea. Sure. Number two, I'm like, this might be a movie. Like if he's like the one,

don't kill the dinos, you know what I mean? And like, he's like, I'm doing it anyway. Yeah, that's again, sort of a movie. I want to see Bobby Atwater machine gun of dinosaurs. Thank you. Awesome. Motherfucker doesn't even make it on the island.

Like maybe a little one too. I don't know. The littler, the funnier it is. Well, yeah. Well, isn't he the one who gets, isn't Jonathan Bailey is the one who says it's a sin to kill a dinosaur? No, it's not. Who does that?

It's a dude, it's never been a sin to kill a monster. Sorry to tell you. Sorry to tell you. The Bible doesn't even believe in dinosaurs, so it can't be a sin. But the dinosaurs were around when the Bible was published. They were brought back solely to make money. Shut up.

So the first thing, out. Here we go. Let's just get into it. We're tracking the mosaver here. I do like all this water stuff. I'm a sucker for deep sea mom stars and whatnot. I'm a sea guy, man. He's a wet guy. Yeah, I'm a little bit of a wet guy. And here's the thing. Like, you do the math, the character math really is he like,

fucking Rupert friend is dead before he even opens his mouth. He's the big corporate guy. Yeah, when you see him, you're like, okay. You're like a more important version of the lawyer from the first movie. You figure Ed Screen's going to die, but it'll probably be cool because he's going to be the bad guy, then of course you've got the Haitian guy that's absolutely dead

because you can't have two black guys in a movie. You can't have two women in a movie either. The other ladies dead. Yep. Yep. And the real sticking point for the whole movie is like, is Maherchela going to die? Is he going to hero... You don't know if he's going to heroically sacrifice himself or not. Well, she tried to, but the movie said, not so fast. We're going to split

the difference. We're going to do both. How do you do both? It's embarrassing. It's fucking embarrassing. And like, man, stop listening to test audiences. Yes, he should die. Because like it's, it's okay to feel something in a movie, even if you don't

agree with the movie's choices. The art is provoking you and now you have a fucking emotion. Like if someone writes on a common card, I was bummed that Mahershala died. That means Mahershala did a good job making you care about that character. Exactly. But it made me feel bad. And now my whole day's ruined because like that's reality right there

to me. Can we track Moses without people's dying? He looked just like my uncle and my uncle died recently. and I don't know what to do. Well, that guy's uncle died recently. They should probably change the whole movie. Fuck, all right.

There's a new trigger warning on Jurassic World Rebirth. Do not watch if your uncle died recently and he looked like Mahersha Ali. Here's going to be a checkbox next day. If you are offended by unc death, then we're going to, I want to check here. Secondary trigger warning, if your uncle looks like where shall I give him a number. Please. Oh, hell, yeah. Please do.

Fuck yeah. And ask him if he wants to be in Blades. too. Yeah, maybe we can get it off the ground with your uncle. Dude, an uncle fan film of Blades? We can definitely round this up. Yeah, let's start work on this immediately. There's some line Krebs has, by the way,

oh, because they're like getting a Mosasaur would be really hard except for the fact that we can track one because Ingen put a tracker in one of them. And by the way, we bought all of InGen's data at auction when it went to Chapter 11, whatever you say, movie. Who is in Jen? That's the original company. John Hammond. A quick little note to Blades, the movie that we're writing right now.

Oh, yes, please. I'd rather talk about blades. It's Marischal Ali is the new blade. Blade. It's Blade Dollar Sign, it's Dollar Sign, it's, it's Blade Dollar Sign. Merchalee is New Blade, Westlishtips is the Old Blade as well. They're on an adventure. What about Unk?

On Unk as well. Your uncle that looks like Mahershali is also in it. Maybe those three blades are trying to find Unk Blade. Yes. It's a blade dollar sign, colon the hunt for unk. Yes, the hunt for unc. The fifth blade went dark. We got to go find him.

And he has the new tesseract. And it's like, wait, hold on. Who's that in the distance? You shouldn't have killed him. It's just a boy. Oh, no, it's sling. Billy Bobba's sling blade is back. Oh, totally.

Yes. Yes. Getting him here. There's some French fried potatoes. I'd rather meet those than a dinosaur. French fried mosaurs. Yeah, I'm a, I'm a vampire. Empire I eat French fry peoples

You use a katana blade I use the sling blade Also known as a Kaiser blade May I offer you Some land where oil is That's not right He's just a raptor All good

So yeah This is we have all this information We can track it or whatever And it's this whole You know This is kind of jawsy a little bit We gotta shoot it's sexy jaws That's what it is

Yeah to the bow This is a real like Because Jonathan Bailey is like like, it's just shooting a dart into a thing. I got it. And she's like, you want to come out here for a second? Look how much hotter it is if I do it.

Which, yeah, you know, well, she's saying stuff like, oh, the wind's going really fast, the boat's jumping up and down, you got to hit the shot. Can you do it now? And he's got to be like, maybe not. And the funny thing is... Do yours jiggle. The

movie, because Scarjo isn't giving her all, everyone in the has to chuckle. They are selling her so hard. Like, everyone, one of her team is like, oh, you're the best. Oh, isn't she the best? She is just, she is incredible. When you see her, she's not doing anything right now.

When she does something, oh boy, it's great. Which is wild because imagine if there was some like prologue scene where we could just see her doing something. Dinosaur related already at that fucking equator. Instead of maybe meeting her in a traffic jam, you meet her during some, like you call her off a mission. And she's not. talking about some fucking cliffhanger incident that happened that we don't see, we don't

understand who the person was, what she was doing. If it was dinosaur related, I don't care, Booker died, and apparently it matters quite a lot to her. The Booker line drove me fucking, this drove me so fucking nuts. Because it's like, finally, we're getting something about her character. And Meherchel is like, man, I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to

Booker. And like, oh, yeah, well, you know, I appreciate that. This, and I had to tell his wife, his wife? Yeah, exactly. That should have been your partner. No, never. It could have been something to be sad about, but they took it away from being a thing to be sad about. It's just some guy you've

never seen and you don't know. Don't worry, her and Jonathan Bailey won't hold hands in this movie. They will just look dreamily at each other occasionally. It is so insane. You have the two of them in this movie. How are they not 69ing when the helicopter comes to get them? Or a chased

kiss. Like, you know what? Sure, I mean 69ing chase kiss, whatever. Or somewhere in between. Or you get down there and I'm going to get on top. And here it comes the 69. Which is also the universe of 61, 65. Yes, of course. I can't wait to get to 60.

Got a little blue towards the way up for that franchise. The full Booker line, if you will indulge me, is about how, like, I heard about Booker. I'm so sorry. It was a car bomb in Yemen, some routine exercise, something. at least it was quick not really

which implies you had to fucking nurse him to health or something right he suffered when he was dying I had to tell his wife so a guy I don't know or care about died in a car if it was a spouse

a partner because also you're a black ops operative people die every day baby what is this line well that's they you could have lost a man ever in your fucking black ops career what he's saying about the partner

at least like that's alien covenant opening that's fucking uh waterston losing fucking James Franco and my favorite shot of James Franco waking up for the one minute in that movie hi honey fire burned right yeah and it's perfect it sets her up great

and then she comes back from it and it really is it's something moving about that in Alien Covenant note to self rewatch the beginning of Alien Covenant great movie yeah I love that movie but yeah and that whole that exchange that Eric's referring to happens in this little quick scene on the boat

where then we're talking about how the job's just getting to Zora she missed her own mother's funeral because of the job and then Mahershala has this whole thing where like he's got a dead kid and him and the wife don't aren't married anymore because they every time I look at her I see the dead kid

and I'm like man I fucking bought a drive-in ticket to goddamn mutated dinosaur Let's get to it. But this is fine backup from Hirshala if he sacrifices himself for the kid at the end of the movie, which is what the movie flirts with but doesn't have the balls to do. It is just funny that it is a the just as standard as you can get. Dead kid and the marriage fell apart because we can't get over the dead kid.

How many fucking times? Why can't he just have a kid? And he looks and he's like, man, if my kid was being hunted by a D. Rex, I would hope that someone would do this. You know what I mean? Well, he says that and he says, like, oh, I see it. Whenever I see my wife, I see him. And then like fucking Jamie Fox and collateral, he has the picture of the kid right above his son visor. And I'm like, that might also be

reminding you of your dead kid. That might do it. He's not fucking his son visor though, Chris. That's true. You know, he could try. While that's going on, we cut to this big sailboat in the middle of the ocean. We got to a studio note that needs more hard. Exactly. This is the Delgado family here and I'm sorry. You've got Rubin and Teresa, which is the older daughter, Bella, Isabella, the younger daughter. Then you have Xavier,

who's the shithead boyfriend of the older daughter. There you go with this. This guy needs to be mince me. He does. Like if either, look, because we know once we see the dad, we see the two daughters, there's a chance the dad might die, like, you know, again, a sacrificial lamb deal,

but probably not because that's a little too sad for the audience. Then you've got to, you've got give up to Xavier. You've got this guy that you spend, like from when this dude is introduced going forward, like from his introduction, cut to like a half an hour later into the movie, all you're doing is

making this guy annoying. Yeah. It's all he is is annoying. And you can see where it's going to be, too. All of a sudden, like, oh, he's eventually going to be heroic in the front of the father and that's going to change everything and whatever. And I'm like, no, man, let this dude be fucking eaten by a raptor.

Just let it happen. He needs to die. He needs to die. the father needs to die. Because these movies become so moralistic that you, they're boring. Like, the first movie, not for lack of a better word, has teeth,

you know what I mean? Yeah. What's his face? Muldoon dies. Yeah. And he's like a heroic kind of like he's a bit of a, you know, a hard-nosed rogue,

but he's a heroic. And he dies kind of foolishly, really. Like he gets, he thinks he's smarter than Raptors. Oops, he's not. He's fucking dead.

Samuel Jackson, same thing. Fucking dead. You know what I mean? Like all these other people, fucking dead. Like a lot of people died in these missing. taps. And these things, it's like, oh, these are our core characters. They are off limits.

Exactly. Which is the dumbest thing you could do. There's seven people in the helicopter at the end. It's not as much as 11. So congratulations. But seven's an awful lot of people. Do you think that's why they had to get out on a boat? Oh, yeah. It's not the hell of a boat. They're not going to be able to fly out of here. What are you crazy? We got half a fucking basketball team on there. Too much weight. We got to throw somebody over. So, you know, they're on this boat. We spy some swimming dinoes there. And no, wouldn't you know, these swimming dinoes that the dad assures them is nowhere around, starts knocking this boat like a fucking orca.

Hell yeah. Isabella rightfully is like, I fucking hate dinosaurs. Like, finally someone. Exactly. He's fucking terrified of these goddamn things. And that's a little girl who grew up.

Her entire existence is just knowing that dinosaurs were eerily brought back from extinction. What is wrong with Cape Cod, sir? I don't know why you sailing from Barbados to Cape Town near Dino Death World. Yeah, seriously. Doesn't he make some deal? It's like one last, like is Teresa going to college, I guess? Yes. Yes. And it's like we do, we did this run all the time.

I'm dad. I'm just going to NYU. It's not Mongolia. That's what she says, go. Well, that's, I'll tell you the what, if you'd killed Xavier, the other thing that would happen is Teresa might become interesting. Sure. Because right now she's a blank.

Like, it's just to be like, oh, somebody watching fucking Isabel at one scene? Yes, I am. Oh, okay, goodbye. Well, at the start of this, I was like, okay, it was this white lotus vibe here. here with this fuck boy Xavier his shirt off. Yeah. Right, right, right. Is his dad going to get laid on this trip? Oh, shit. Just sucking off daddy, dude.

Well, that's what, maybe him and Scar Cho could hit. I don't know. Or him and Mearshala. I don't know. I'd watch all of that. I don't know. I would less like something to happen with any of this. That'd be great. This moment right here, I think, is okay enough. The boat being taken down. Capsized. Yeah.

Yeah, the capsizing here all looks really good. But again, I'm just like, let me see this. It can't be eaten by a mosaurs right now. No, no, no. He gets to the boat, because of the boat flips, they have to like, you know, balance themselves on the other side of the boat. Right. Oh, where's Xavier?

Oh, he's in the water surrounded by imminent death. Swim, Xavier, swim! And guess what he makes it. Yeah, yeah. Swim, Charlie, don't look back. It's just that don't look back, Charlie. Come on. So, and also, like, I don't know, man.

Like, how long have they been dating? because they're like she's just going to college and there's like 17 they're both probably 16 17 probably 18 if they're fucking uh well we the the little sister confirms that she knows they are not come boots so we we are everything's above they're at least 18 and you know like so oh you want to come uh my boyfriend that we were dating for like

six months you want to come on a a boat trip with you and your dad yeah oh yeah it's great in the smallest quarters possible the smallest quarter is possible through dino death and like don't worry we'll never be able to fuck. Maybe I'll give you a hand job if my dad is sleeping hard enough. I think they're fucking right. They are disrespecting this father. Right.

Well, he's got the shirt off. He does the owner's shirt? Which is very sad. But yeah, he like almost gets eaten or whatever. You really want it to be the Holman Gillow but you don't. And this is the only moment where it would make sense at least as far as what the

movie is trying to do because immediately Xavier becomes a much better guy. Like after this, he's like, oh, he's very helpful. He's thinking of people, all this stuff. Right now, he's a piece of shit. Get rid of them. And what is the deal with dinosaurs?

They're so stupid. They want to eat everything they see. They try to attack every single thing he sees. I was asking the same thing. I'm like, there's a scene later where like, like, Isabelle's the only thing it would be like a T-Rex is going after. I'm like, what a T-Rexeck. Give a care.

Yeah. Give a fuck about a little dog-sized girl. I've been around bears and coyotes. And, you know, a lot of them don't want to fucking kill you. Yeah. The scene that makes the most sense was Xavier's taking a piss, and one dinosaur's about to eat him, and then another dinosaur eats that because that's what they eat.

They eat fucking dinosaurs. Yeah. That is a pretty cool moment. So, yeah, the boat capsizes or whatever. They get the SOS call off. Duncan hears the May Day. Turns out the 28 miles out. Bobby Atwater and evil villain, Mr. Krebs here,

want to keep on mission. And everybody else is like, hey, man, there's people stuck at sea. The $20 million can wait. I'm with Bobby Atwater. We're going to jail. These people, we're going to have, if we take them on board, we're going to have to kill them anyway. Nobody mentions this part of it, right?

Is that what we're doing is incredibly illegal and we shouldn't pick them up because of that. No one makes that argument. It's just, but we're basically their argument is money, money, money, because we're at the island. We're right there. We don't want to turn around. No one ever says we're going to go down hard for this. If they talk, you know. No, you don't understand.

No, I was going, you know, my, I should have said this first. We went through the house with all John Hams. We saw everything, went through all that. He had these blood samples. They're under a bunch of papers and stuff. We couldn't. It's just good luck that we found this cured heart disease. Similar question about the blood sample idea.

These things have existed now for 30-something years. No one's drawn blood from any of them. No one's done whatever this test. It has to be living blood. Oh, I see. Which I don't understand. No, that doesn't make much sense. Oh, the oxygen level or whatever.

Blood stuff that I don't understand. Fair enough, there's probably more to blood than I understand. But it's just, it's so like, okay, it's blood simple. All right. All right. I mean, because the whole thrust of this is totally uninteresting. And the problem is you can't do like the family got stranded because the family got stranded in like three. Three is like William H. Macy tricks them to go because the daughter got lost or whatever.

So it's like you've made so many of these. There's only so many excuses. you're going to these fucking islands. You still haven't quite gone and you should just go full out armed dinosaurs. Oh, hey, how's it going? Amazing.

I just finished paying off all my debt with the help of the credit counseling society. Whoa, seriously? I could really use their help. It was easy. I called and spoke with a credit counselor right away. They asked me about my debt, salary, and regular expenses,

gave me a few options, and help me along the way. You had a ton of debt. And you're saying credit counseling society helped with all of it? Yep. And now I can sleep better at night. When debts got you, you've got us.

Give credit counseling society a call today. Visit no more debts.org. Dinosaurs with guns in war. That was what John Sales was, I think, half joking, but maybe actually for real, had his script, go for it. Hold on. Hold on. You're doing an expedition to Mars? That place is full of fucking dinosaurs.

You got there, they got the fish tank helmets on. They're taking over everything. They just ruled. There's a T-Rex emperor. on the dark side of the moon. Hell yeah. All of this sounds, I mean... And Brendan Gleason as the voice of T-Rex Emperor.

Don't go away from me, bow. I just don't know how you do another one of these. I just don't know what... I don't know how this is so ill-defined. This is like literally when you're out of... You make enough peanut butter sandwiches and the peanut butter jar is so slim. You've got to get a spoon in there.

You can't use the knife anymore. You've got to get a spoon to curve out. the very last bits of it, that's where we're at. I don't know what else you could do. I don't know either. I was trying to look up with the numbers. Because they're probably doing a seatful. It made a fucking bank.

It's animated. That's what I would go for. Just go next one making an animated movie. Fuck it. But they got out voted in Mercila's like, we're going to save the people. And they go to save the people and they get them. And here come the spinosaurs.

The spinosaurs who are like in a. symbiotic relationship with the modosaurus or whatever. The spinosaurs help the mosasaurus hunt, I guess. I was just, you could hear me snoring. Hey, by the way, all told, so worldwide, so international domestic combined here, $869 million. Oh, but the advertising budget is $5 trillion. Quite a lot of that.

I mean, this movie made $92 million. on its opening weekend. Kind of seems like the only way you can be profitable these days is paying off Variety.com to say that you were profitable. So, yeah, the two dinosaurs

are comment or three or whatever it is. There's a great, they found us line, which is, okay, fine, whatever. But Loomis is like woohooing because he's seeing dinosaurs for the first time. This is all getting him excited here, so we're going to try to take the shot. I'm done

seeing a character seeing dinosaurs for the first Yeah, it's been 38 years these guys have been, these are elder millennial dinosaurs now, I don't need this. Well, that's the thing in the sequence with the titanosaurs. I mean, that is just the scene of Alan and Ellie seeing bronosaurus.

It's the same thing. But not exactly, because it's not so explicit that they're about the fuck. It's the, you get an erection fin here, where it comes up and they're like, oh, they're going to fuck together. Eric, you're totally right. They are elder millennial dinosaurs because their parents had

had it much better than they did. You know what I mean? When I was a kid, there was, there's like good trees out there or like good shelter and stuff. There weren't, the fucking environment

wasn't garbage, you know? They can't afford a home. I'm crippled my student loan dead. It wasn't like this on island newbler. It was a whole different thing. Oh, I'll never buy a house in these conditions. So,

all right, we're going to get the Mosasaurus blood here. Scarlet's going to take the shot. She fucks up the first one, misses entirely, which elicits a great Rupert friend. He sounds like Bobcat, Goldthwaite for some reason, whatever this bellow is that he does. So there's a whole thing. She's going on. Do you guys notice this?

This was really bad. I think for the most part, I will say, I think the effects in this movie are pretty okay. They better be. Yeah, yeah. But right here is very funny. The boat goes crazy. The Mosasaur is trying. I think it knocks the boat or whatever.

Scarlett falls right here and turns into a complete cartoon there is a cartoon Scarlet Johansson hanging over this boat Oh no it's so funny and then like Jonathan Bailey's got a polar up or whatever But they successfully do it they get the the blood sample and I like the whole idea of like It shoots it back up and there's a little parachute kind of a deal It's something you know So this is around where Loomis is like wow crazy day all this stuff by the way

you know what we should do is give this all away for free and not make billionaires out of all of us open source it baby yeah just put that blood on the internet I guess or whatever

how are you gonna open source dinosaur blood it's supposed to be like the Johnny Mnemonic code right it's like some guy who knows this stuff is going to do it in his lab and then make it like incredibly cheap you crack the code and then you send that PDF out

into the world I would like the end of this movie It's like, Scarjo and Jonathan Bay, like, all right, let's do it. Let's open source. It's like, all right, here we go. They just put some blood on top of a computer. Now it's in the computer. It'll work.

Oh, you're crazy. But da, da, da, da, da. Now it's on the internet, Scarlett. They're all going to be able to crack the code. And it would be interesting if they actually drove home like an anti-farm. Sure, that'd be fantastic. You just want to tease it a little bit. So you pretend your movie has a soul and it doesn't.

Exactly. So yeah, those things from the boat, they're back. The Spinosauruses start attacking them. Dude, this is Bobby Atwater, man. Fucking hilarious line from end screen here. These are our waters now. This dude gets eaten alive by this thing. It's awesome.

You get a nice holding onto the doorway. I appreciate a nice hold onto the doorway before you were dragged away. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Make sure to connect eyes with the youngest. person in the boat. I'm dying right now. This will haunt you forever. I mean, also Scarjo,

whose almost entire team, aside from Duncan, uh, dies. Yeah. And, you know, she's got to have to tell older wives. Like, why isn't she like, oh, no, I lost another one. Man, there's another phone call. I got to be. There's Amelia. There's going to be Sonia. Oh, God. It's going to be a day.

If she reacts to any of this, a scene might break out. You can't have that. I got Bobby Atwater and died. Now I got to call Bonnie Atwater and tell her what happened. I'm telling you I'm not going to North Carolina. That's too long of a flight. Some of these will be over the phone.

Make sure little Adam and little Amelia Atwater aren't in this in the room when I tell you this, but he got eaten by a dinosaur. Oh. I don't care if I get eaten by a dinosaur, you got to get my widow a folded

flag or something. Just treat like a regular. Oh, we'll give you the folded Jurassic Park banner. If we went dinosaurs rule to her, they'll fold it up and give it to her. And then my wife could be like, oh, that was in the first movie. You're just seeing like the folded fucking flag with the dinosaur

head on, ba-pa-ba-ba- everybody's very solemn. Thank you. Oh, man. I will say, I don't know. He gets got, it's not great. It's not great. I just like, I just like the trope of someone.

holding onto a door. Yeah, I buy that. All right. You're right. It's not great because he just, you don't really see it. You should see his innards fall out. We're a little scared of that.

A little bit. I mean, but he is eaten. You see him eaten by this thing. It is like from the distance. It's just not thought like there's also when Nina gets, when she gets eaten like at least there's some like fascinating

blocking like you're seeing. It's a cool moment. Yeah. I want his full head to fall in the deck of the shit. His fucking dumb eyeballs. to roll out of his skull. And then scarj, I'll be like, oh, my God, it's Booker all over again.

Well, that's what you would assume. I'm being bookered. That's what I, sorry, guys, I'll let you do. That's what I call it my friends die. It's called getting bookered. Oh, fuck, Booker Mania after this trip. This isn't in Yemen. I haven't been bookered in Ill Saint Hubert,

or where the fuck this is. So, rehearsal's whole thing is, I'm and drive towards the island. We'll get in some shallow waters. They can't be in shallow waters. We'll knock them off here as the idea. Teresa, meanwhile, the older dirter here tries to do a Mayday call.

And this is where Krebs fearful for getting caught and not getting his blood samples and whatnot intervenes, pushes her. She goes flying. I will say, in his defense, it is not like he's trying to throw her completely off the ship here. This sort of just happens. And she's just, you know, she's in. be in the fucking ocean anyway. This is a Razol Ghul thing.

Yes. Thank you. He watched Batman begins last night. He doesn't have. He doesn't, he's not going to kill her, but he's not going to save her. Sorry, Teresa.

Liam Neeson rules. Oh man, but yeah, it is, I mean, this is, it's great, because Rupert friend

plays a really great Smarmy villain. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe she'll just fall off and die. That'll be something. You know, just kind of let her go.

Because it would be cool. I mean, to kill one person in this family, it would be dramatic and, you know, nice. It would be cool, like, because then it's like, oh, my God, what happened to my daughter? You know what I mean?

Oh, no, she fell. Then somehow you, that's attention. Let's underline it. He should walk up to her and put his shoe on her face. Yes. Like, let's really do it. If we're going to do it. Let's really do it.

And then there's a moment later where he's yelling about something. He's like, just when I kicked that girl in the face. I mean, what happened? I saw a dinosaur. And then the dad gets to fucking have revenge. Now we got a movie. She does fall. We should say she does fall off.

He lets her fall off. completely. And then Xavier has to go be all Baywatch on us here and jump out the back of the boat. The whole fucking family jumps off to go find their own movie. Because the boat's going to crash and they're like just the dad's like just jump off. They can't swim in the shell. And like the rest of the group goes. This movie's sinking. We got to go make our own movie. Is this when the dad gets an ill-defined leg injury that sort of vaguely plagues him for most of the movie?

Yeah, I think this is kind of around here. He's like, ow, my leg. And they're like, oh, can you make it? He's like, yeah, I'll be able to walk and tap dance in times of the movie. But when it's convenient, I'll be like, ow my leg. And just do it then. I want to see a bone or something. Yeah, like, or wrap it up.

It's bloody kind of a deal. Exactly. And then, you know, all the dinosaurs are like, we love human blood more than anything for some reason. Human blood didn't exist when they existed, but whatever. So they, we first, like, meet with the Delgado family and everybody's back together and everybody made it. And they're like, oh, everybody was talking about there's a village somewhere. We just got to find the village and then we'll be all right. We got Xavier makes this weird deathbed analogy where he's like,

uh, Hey, you ever think like when an old person buys a bed? They look at it and they're like, Hey, I'm looking at my death bed because, uh, me looking at this jungle,

that's like the old people analogy I just made if anyone cares. You know how you like drive on a parkway, but you park in a driveway? And that's so crazy. And a deathbed is like where you go when you die, but like you also live there. Sorry, this is left over from a previous draft that took place in a mattress firm.

We were trying to blend punch drunk love and the Jurassic world together. Dude, someone's just yelling at a dinosaur. Shut up, shut up, fuck, shut the fuck up, fuck. I wish, man. That would be awesome. And also, David, David Kopp, man's written more great screenplays

than I'll ever even think about. You know, that arc thing that you have in a screenplay, You don't want to have two diverting tree lines. You know what I mean? Like you want, they're totally different movies. They really are at this point. They diverge.

And then they like, come back a little bit at the end. And then they diverge again. And I'm like, Jesus Christ. I don't need it. At this point, you didn't need to bring them together that early then, you know? Exactly. Or split it up where like maybe the Haitian boat captain goes with them and like, oh. Sure.

And like, you know what's your story? Yeah, a little mix and match. That would be something. would give this some mixing. Because the family's off limits, right? You can have someone else die around them. Who saves themselves for the baby or whatever. Because Xavier now cannot be killed because he went after Teresa.

He saved Teresa. So what was this family again? There's the father. There's the daughter. There's the younger daughter. Two daughters. I forgot about the young. There's a little baby.

The little baby who's going to get the cute little thing that you could buy it, whatever. I would say a toy store, but all those are gone. Like that pre-storia movie or pre-hysteria. whatever it was called. Oh, right, the cartoon one. This is one of those movies that right after I see it, it's just like... Oh, it's vapor. Yeah, it's running out of my head. It's leaving.

The crew comes ashore and you know, there's a moment here. I gotta say, this is, it's pretty sweet because Jonathan Bailey yells at keep moving their amphibious. Yes. The spinal sores are coming towards the shore and we're just concerned about like getting all the

luggage off the beach. Yeah, exactly. And this girl, I mean, it's an awesome, like, She's trying to drag this thing up the sand and you see this Spinosaur has been quietly sleeping on the beach, wakes up and like the spin flips over and you're like, oh, fuck. And it goes into the water and the way the camera just kind of turns and she's now behind the thing. And then you just hear it jump out of the water and it's all blocked by the big cargo thing. What a cool little movie is. You don't need gore, but it's cool.

Nina, Nina, Nina. Nina. Where's you go? Nina. Nina. Oh, she's being dragged away by that dinosaur that I didn't see. Nina. Nina.

That's Mahershala's lines. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to, if Gareth Edwards was actually making, like, that's the thing is you want to, like, you want him to do good because he has these clever ideas for shots like this. Like, he is actually thinking, like, visually, what's most interesting? Like, the way, when we'll get to with the D.Rex and all the smoke and stuff.

like that. That's his stuff. But when the movie is this stupid and the show like the script is just so inconsequential, you're just like, well, that doesn't even register to me because everything else is on fire. Right, right. So Krebs tells them the whole truth about everything. Oh, this

island, this is where we were crossbreeding, these engineered entertainments, he calls them, and we left all these uggos that didn't work on this island, and we didn't bring them to wherever Jurassic world was set up as the idea. And Jonathan Bailey asked the question that I was asking

why not just euthanize them? And then like it's one of these things. This movie is full of these like these lines that are just very clear and defy, but when you think of it like, wait what? Because he's like, well, if you spent a billion dollars making something, would you just kill it? And it's like, yeah. So then you'd leave

it on an island to do what? Like, are you coming back and doing anything with this? So then yes, you would kill it because it's cleaner that way. We're told it costs $72 million dollars per dinosaur. Sure, but then take the risk. Right. Well, it's great, though, because I do love Bailey's line of,

you're asking what I would do with mutant dinosaurs from an accounting perspective, which is very funny. But, yeah, I think his whole thing is like, you know, yeah, we're not going to kill it. Like, you just, you leave it on the island and you say that we're still studying it. And that way, like, financially, they don't get in trouble with whomever. Oh, he's got some bullshit line that sort of justifies it. You push it to next quarter, like the, or maybe. It's kind of like you say, you say 20 years ago that in five years we're

going to be on Mars colonized. I see. And then that is impossible and was never going to happen. And then you just keep lying to stupid rich people. And those stupid rich people that you keep lying to and moving those goalposts keep giving you their stupid rich people money. This sounds familiar. Yeah, I don't know where I heard it before. What is this? Nina! Nina! Is this what happened to Jeff Bezos? Hey, Kevin, it's Marshall again. I just said Nina 14 times. What's the update on that script? you're still making him some sort of medieval time traveler, huh?

All right. Keep working on that. That's so funny. We were actually just talking to Nina Debrough about playing the sixth blade. And, you know, I think she would be great at. I think she would really be something. And yet we are going to work in Blade's daughter. And yes, that we'll thankfully cut out the screen time for you, Meherchla.

Don't worry about it. More of Blade's daughter. We're also, we're amping up the uncle that we brought in. So you can just stay in your trailer. So, Marcila, we just, we cracked. Another breakthrough with the script. What is blade but a sword? Now you're voicing a sword.

And we have such a great announcement. I was talking to the guys today. We all agreed. It's such a great announcement. We're going to make blades too. Don't you have to put out blades first? That's old thinking. If I may, that's dinosaur thinking.

You know, you're in the age. People want to see sequels. They want to see the sequel. So we just, we skip the original. and we go right to the sequel. That's right. They're going to have more now. They're more interested in having the thing they didn't have

so they can have more of it. So two is one now and two is three. You're picking this up? Zora explains here that she just wants to get in and get out. She has indeed set up a fail-safe backup system, which is that on sunset of the second night, a helicopter is going to fly above the island, do a quick hover around, see if they're at the meat spot,

and if they are, that'll be their extraction. They'll be at the meat spot. Dino meat. Yeah, that's right. But, like, this is another thing where I'm like, you know, like, it's cool that you put a clock on the movie. Sure. But I'm not sitting around counting sunsets and sunrises and whatnot.

How about a shot of, oh, I don't know, Sean Aston playing military guy number one. And he's getting ready to do the backup thing. And it's like, just cut to them even once or twice and just be like, all right we're getting ready to gear up we haven't heard from the team we're going to the equation i can tell you i can tell you problem right there is that would suggest that they care about this and that you don't want any of that you don't want any of being like oh yeah this is something i should invest my time and heart in i think it's exciting when someone gets handed an envelope and they're

like we have a situation yes oh yeah i would have killed for that line in this yeah let me see someone being told there's a situation god damn it come on um and well if you if you if you did What's better than that is what have you watched all the characters go to sleep for a little while? Is that better or worse? You're just going to call Nina to keep everybody woken up. She can still be alive. Oh, God, there's something around here too where Scarlett asks Krebs. So Zora asked Krebs about the girl going over the rail, you know, and she's like, oh.

And you couldn't like, you know, help her. It's just like, no. And then you've got this line where you have to have her follow through on this. Maybe not directly, but she's like, if I find out otherwise, I will feed you to these dinosaurs. Yes. I'm sorry. Like she's a big mercenary, blackwater person. She's got to follow through on that threat when she learns the truth.

She's got to cook them up. You got Thanksgiving style. Took them up. And feed them to the damn dinosaur. That's right. You've got weird shit here where Loomis, one, this is around the name. drop. He's like, oh, I studied under Alan Grant. But he's got this

weird thing where he's like, I hope if I die I can die right here on this part of the beach because I'll be instantly covered in silt and that's the best way to become a fossil. Okay, buddy. This dude's weird. Which I bet you that translates into weird stuff in the bedroom. Better look out

Zora Bennett. There's just nothing to worry about because they're never going to hold hands. You know, I'm saying all this weird. So like, the fossil stuff, I know it's that strange. What's, what? What's your work like? What's weird stuff? Well, I've been to Eric Prince's compound three times.

And, you know, he doesn't just let anybody in there. You have to have your thumbprint ready. And you have to have over 300 kills. It was a bummer, actually. I was in the, I was in Yemen shooting down a family. And then once we murdered the entire family, my best buddy Booker got to a card. It blowed up. Booker got bookered.

It was so sad when Booker Covered in the blood of other people Was blowed up He died in the phone Yeah, it didn't yeah it wasn't easy It wasn't it wasn't fast He died in the transfusion process Because he got too much of other people's blood in him

Because he was killing so many families And then I call Booker wife And Booker wife cry to me Booker gone to heaven, Mrs. Booker. Booker children cry and Booker wife cry as well. Booker wife. That's good, right? Another great moment right here where you could have killed off Xavier

and it would have been also funny is this moment where they're, first of all, little Bella finds this annoying ass little dinosaur from fucking land before. More time. Our babies, Yotas. Yeah, Dolores. And the little baby is going to carry the little baby dinosaur for the movie. And now the little babies in the theater now have something to look at. Yes, just like a prehistoria with Austin O'Brien.

Show favorite of Last Action Hero. Oh, that's the movie you're talking about. Okay, yeah. Of the band brothers of they did like Goolies 2 and shit like that. Wow. Like really. I'd rather be watching Goolies 2. Yeah, honestly.

I'd rather watch the ghoulies go to college, frankly. A fool moon pictures. They were trying to go to college. They weren't trying to sail around the goddamn world before going. They were trying to make something to themselves. Maybe let's leave Yemen alone and fucking take the fight to the ghoulies for once. That's right. I don't know where ghoulies are.

Everywhere. Oh, my God. That's the thing, man. You don't know it. But ghoulies can be anywhere in a turlet. Turlets? College turrets? Turlets.

Taco Bell turlets. Yeah, they're scarier the dinosaurs because they could be anywhere. Don't mix them up with critters now. Goolies, slimy and slippery. Critters, hairy and gross. I haven't written down on my arm to know the difference. And if you see a puppet master anywhere, you better step on those little guys.

But so Xavier, after she finds, little dinosaur Xavier, he's like, all right, let's do this. And he takes a machete and he swipes at the bush. And then there's just this somewhere kind of nearby, a dinosaur growl. I was like, no, no, no, here it comes. Big dinosaur head comes up, eats this dude. Right after a let's do this, how funny would that be? That would be a legendary Jurassic Park franchise kill.

Not in my Jurassic World Rebirth. We've got another thing that could have been interesting, but kind of comes to nothing, where Krebs is sort of putting he's getting some water out of a stream and he finds some dog tags and he looks up and there's a plane that's crashed there. What even is that? I don't know but the only thing you get out of is you see

there's a skeleton holding a gun and then at the end of the movie Krebs has that gun. Oh, okay, that's what I... You see him sort of look and he's like, gun, you know. I mean, where did this helicopter come from? Don't worry. Did somebody steal my gun? The skeleton is here

to retrieve his firearm. I had crashed my plane trying to get to Isle Nobler to find all sorts of funky dino skeletons. My brothers, there is a movable feast in these woods. We will get back our gun, our precious gun. Yes, it's a skeleton man riding a skeleton dinosaur. Yes. I'm so in this. I will bring back all the dead bodies on all the Jurassic Parks and we will create a skeleton army. I find Ninja defensive because they've taken away our greatest allies, the skeleton dinosaurs, turning them into fleshbags, disgusting. For their so-called museums, dinosaurs.

Clearly, history's most famous skeletons. They want to be skeletons. They want to be fossils. In a better world, my brothers, we are riding on skeleton T-Rexes across the plains. And now, a special guest for you all, the skeleton of Muldoon. Clever girl. Come on, say it. Say it, Muldoon.

They won't know what's you if you don't say it. Muldoon, get to the microphone, say it. Clever girl, I know of a skeleton voice. This is how we all talk, no matter what happens. I've really been getting you more into baking and stuff like that. Less skeleton stuff, trying to, you know, get something new. And here comes Skeleton Sammy Davis Jr. Yes, I am.

Skeleton Sammy Davis Jr. Oh, no, I left the oven on. Pardon me, it is I. Skeleton Richard Dixon, get out of the way. Yes, I am the skeleton of James Earl Jones. Yes, the voice changes too. Boy, you wouldn't know what I said to me, James Earl, sounding like this. Your Dodd Vader.

Oh, my God. Why don't we do skeleton movies? I think a skeleton movie... A serious movie called Skeleton is a great idea. And then it's, you know, you got your visual effects. It's like a Jason in the Argonauts. Like, Hell yeah.

Not set then, but dude present day, I guarantee, that's $90 million in the bank. I think so. Um, so, you know,

whatever. Xavier and Rubin kind of have a bonding scene that no one could care about where he's like, you save my daughter, man, pretty cool. And he's got to be like, oh, whatever old man.

Dert, there's like this one thing that it's like such a bullshit. Like, is this character trait? He's like, yeah, I thought you weren't a good guy. And now you are.

Actually, I'm still a bad guy. Hey, let other people say that. Other people can shit on you, but you don't do that work for him. I'm like, who is that for? What are we? Yeah, I don't know. Okay, so just be an assholes, the message of the movie?

No, this is what he, the piss scene, which is kind of like, the piss scene, I do think is kind of funny. But the lead into this, though, like, the two of, so let's set the scene for what's going on here. It's the four of them sitting in the jungle. The two girls are supposed to be asleep. And these two guys are having a full volume conversation. And not to be original, this is exactly the same, at least blocking of the first movie with Alan Grant's got the tree. Yeah, it's trouble with them. Absolutely.

But this is like, how are you not? They're talking about, they're moving around. Dude, they're dino tired, man. They've been running some dinosaurs all day. But then, yeah, he's like, I got to take a piss or whatever. And then this is where the little dinosaur comes back. And then this little girl wakes up, but the dad's sleeping now. I was like, you were just awake four seconds ago.

God. And like there's a dinosaur that's going to attack Xavier who's pissing. Great time to kill him. You're just some great, some OG Raptors right here. Yeah,

they fight each other instead because remember, dinosaurs will fight anything that moves. Very specifically, the flying mutant ugly ones from the ending. Oh,

I was calling these guys turkey raptors. They do. It's an ugly looking dinah. I'm going to say, yeah, they take up the rafters. They eat them and take them away

and he turns around. I was like, what happened? You're right. The creature design in this movie is actually, pretty fucking bad. It is. Like I just don't, I didn't even realize,

I had to read that they were Raptors. Like, you know what I mean? When you get to like the, like, the core, like, original dinosaurs. Yes. It's like the T-Rex, regular Raptors, De Laophosaurus. They look great. They still look great. They still look great. It all, it's all totally fine. And then you just realize, like,

yeah, Turkey Raptor, D-Rex, this dumbass stuff. It's like, people know what dinosaurs look like or, you know, did in the original movie. Is that too hard to create now? Like, let's give me, give me a little wiggle room. Let me, I'm doing it. Not a Raptor. It's the blah, blah, blah, raptor. Exactly. Well, the blah, blah, raptor looks like the fucking eel from the little mermaid. Honestly. It does. It totally, you're right. Absolutely right. With it's like bubble under its channel.

And like, because the eyes are too expressive. The whole point of the original raptors where they had like vacant, creepy eyes. Oh my God. No, I just got it. The reason do you got the, the turkey thing. He has a George Lucas gobbler. Oh, yeah. He definitely does. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Turkey, the bubble looks like a gobbler. It's a gobbler. Oh, my God.

You know, these guys are ripping us off, man. I mean, look, it's just, it's like me, but with a gobbler. You know, Stephen still pissed at me. I never called him back. And now I'm the bad guy in the new movie. You're making fun of my absolutely mild obesity by paying my little turkey neck. I said I didn't love Fable. I thought it was good, not great, Stephen.

Geez, Louise. You know what the Fablemen's could have needed some skeletal. Just putting it out there. I mean, Jesus Christ, Stephen, just get to it. You want to fuck your mother. We all do. Come on now. I'm dating your mother now.

Let's see you become a director now. Fablements. It is an skeleton of John Ford. The Fable Bones. Welcome to the Fable Bones. She's jumping my bones. Yes. Go out.

and make some movies with your Boy Scout skeleton friends. That's fine. Now you, a Jewish skeleton, will have to learn how to have sex with a Christian skeleton in her bedroom. Isn't that culturally interesting? By the way, you'll notice we don't say anything bad. A Jewish skeleton is just as good as a Christian skeleton. And remember that the horizon needs to be at the bottom or the top.

When it's in the middle, it's boring. Muslim skeletons, brothers, we have time to battle now. Oh, man. I just want skeletons to rise up and kill all living people. It would be pretty cool. The ultimate skeleton revenge. That is the good ending to all this. If we're being optimistic, that's where we're going.

I bet you most reviews of this movie don't divert into 25 minutes of skeleton. Of course not. Likely not. Because they don't have the creative power. They don't have the juice. Exactly. It's funny, you know, we said that like the getting the three blood samples makes this very video game structured. But I realize now, so you had the water level and that was a lot of fun.

And later in the movie, we have the air adventure and we're hanging off the cliff. And that's pretty cool too. But this middle thing is kind of just like if the second level of your video game was walk 10 feet, press X and then press Y to catch it with no conflict. at all they get the... But they're in love. I don't give a fuck. Like, you need to have that scene, have it.

Rip that shit off. It's totally fine. You're actually ripping off two and one because we're in the tall grass. That's the lost world with the raptors. But then we're having this romantic look at a big one. That's Jurassic Park, right? So that's all fine.

Have that scene. Still have it. Have them fall in love. I don't care. Have it the first one. It's got to be the first one. Don't make it this easy to get the blood sample, though. There has to be something because it just comes out.

Merchia catches it. It's fine. I think that's... fine, but again, it has to be the first one where you're figuring out which buttons to press and you know that which one opens your inventory. You need to know that stuff and I get you, like, you're walking around, you're shooting

things, you can open your inventory. Be like, oh, I'm going to take the blood, I'm going to put it in my own. She accidentally shoots her gun and says, oh, I was trying to open the inventory. I got to find more bullets. What I want, because it's like these two Tyrannosaurus or whatever the hell they're called, or is that Tyrannosaurus or not a Titanic. Monster men.

The big one with the tails that are going everywhere and they're like kind of in a mating ritual and it's beautiful and their tales might as well form a heart at some point in a Disney movie way. They should fuck. They should like the one lays down in the grass

and presents. It is pretty funny that Dr. Loomis is crying. Look at these dinosaurs. Alan Grant and Ali Sadler kept it together, you fucking baby. Well, that's, we're trying to do anything different, I suppose. I suppose.

But yeah, I just if it's going to be that easy to get the sample from the animal there has to be some sort of struggle to get the sample back in their hands the fact that Myershala just calmly picks it out of the sky so gently with that parachute

I was like where is the struggle here where's the adventure the audience is having it I'm having a struggle because you don't the three little you have to get the three little things as a structure for their story

makes sense but now it's budding up against this family survival drive which is totally different and totally... You can never have the other one get going because the other one's trying to get into the same lane as you and it's cutting itself off. And boy, I don't want to lose either, boy,

because they're just so compelling. Both are so good. This, I think, is, even though it's kind of silly, it is one of the better sequences in the movie. The fucking entire family hilariously falls down a hill and they run up at like the bank of a river here. Oh, would you look at that? There's a boat over there.

Teresa says she's going to go cross the stream to go get the, the boat here and then what did you know it when she's over there there's a T-Rex just gleefully sleeping just taking this nap never cross the streams no this is what the Ghostbusters were warning you about there exactly there might be a dinosaur there I do think that that is sort of like this is from apparently I think it's in one of the books that they just kind of lifted this out

here which it makes sense you know take all the pieces of the buffalo anything but and that's probably why it's better and I think it is better because at least like there's some... There's tension here. There's tension. It's interesting. It's not like, oh, the dinosaur needs to just get bigger. Because that's never been the problem.

The dinosaurs are plenty big to begin with. You know what I mean? I will say right here, though, when she gets over there, before the reveal of the T-Rex, she's like, oh, what's that smell? And there's a dinosaur corpse that some dilaphasaurus, much like buzzards, are sort of feasting around in this moment. And the little guy stands up

and we get the whole De Lafasaurus show that we've been seeing for fucking 33 years. But man, the deal. difference in those things being terrifying with Dennis Nedry and that puppet. Yeah. Versus just a straight up cartoon of it and it goes away. That is one of the greatest examples of how this shit can be so soulless sometimes. Because it's just there and you're like, instinctively, as a Jurassic Park fan, I was like, oh, fuck the dilapasaurus.

And then it's like, computer time and goes, and I was like, but it's also just check out a box to say you saw a lot ofosaurus. They were there. For anybody who was bitching that a dilapasaurus wasn't in the movie. There it is. Look, we took it away. Originally, we're going to see it in a car. And we know that's what you really wanted.

It's driving for some reason. I'm taking the kitchen. No, they can be a skeleton. It can be a skeleton. No. But so, yeah, this is cool. Like, she finds this inflatable emergency raft thing. She stupidly opens it right in front of this T-Rex.

This thing wakes up. I do like cool thing here. The raft sort of expands, blows up, and covers. the T-Rex where we saw it. And when she puts the raft down, the T-Rex has vanished from there. That is-C-Kloor-Field shit. That is like real quick.

And I'm like, a T-Rex has to get up, you understand. No, this is the N-Rex, dude, it's a ninja wreck. She's had a bus go by. I was going to say, it's not Jason Bourne.

It's bigger than that. But this is one of the more effective scenes in the movie. Yeah. She's on the raft, and then the dinosaurs, he's common because, remember,

they attack and eat anything that moves. Anything. They're so stupid. Because it's best, it's basic directorial things, which Gareth Edwards is really good at. So they're really singing these moments.

But you can't fucking fix this script. The script is fucking track. Well, right here, there's even a trash moment because, like, it dares for a second, like try to get anyone in the theater

to believe that the little girl gets got right here. Oh, man. They all get tossed from the raft and whatnot, and she's under it. And the T-Rex fucking bites on it. And the Rets on it. raft goes flying and I'm like, why are you wasting our time trying to trick people to thinking this little, this little girl was eaten. If you had the balls to do it, like, if that five star affair,

I'm just saying like you would actually surprise people, which you, the movies have not done in a long time. Exactly, man. I didn't believe Chewbacca was dead. I don't believe this fucking kid's dead. Also, called the raft company. That's a fucking, that's a slogan now. A T-Rex can't pop our raft. You know what I mean? This thing is biting on it. So tough. A T-Rap. Rex can't get it. Hell yeah. I mean, you can just buy a dinosaur you film the commercial and nothing happens. He's biting out of nothing doing.

It's a stupid bowl commercial, maybe Snoop dogs in the raft. Oh, absolutely. All my friends at Super rafts, I'm sorry to tell you we are going under. I misread, I misconstrued really how much interest people are in how, what dinosaurs can bite and if they can evade them. I over thought what.

what they would want from this product. So, yeah, of course, shock of all shocks, the little girl is safe. We go back to, we're going way up high to get this last bit of blood here. We have to get it from an egg because, as Jonathan Bailey explains, once again, these things weigh like three tons

and they're the size of an F-15. Sure. You're not going to get a live sample of their blood when it's flying around and whatever. So we got to belay down here. And you're looking, you're doing the fucking math. And I'm like, well, Leclair, you know what? man, you're the last of the

Nobody Gives a shit crew, and this is the final adventure, man, so I got a feeling your time is numbered. This is belaying fun? Look, it's fun. Not scary at all. Well, there's like a joke.

Jonathan Bailey's like, well, I do it by rock climbing gym. She's like, yeah, it's the same thing. This guy's about to get bookered, I swear to God. And I could smell a bookering a mile away. Weren't you sad about Booker? Just like... I don't know.

Oh, okay. Hey, man, before you clip in, give me your wife's number. You're going to get bookered. I'm a character. Wait a minute. You're telling me you got nobody who cares for you, not a single next to nothing. So if you get bookered, I don't got to make a phone call. Oh, baby.

I didn't even ask, who is Nina's husband? I need to know right now. I have to make that phone call right now. Nina. Nina! Nina! Where's your husband? No, that's just the husband from here on out.

It's just outside in his backyard. Nina! Nina! We need your emergency contact! Nina! Oh, here's a fucking thing of this movie. Dude, I love when movies like this present a question that's something

kind of interesting, knowing full while they have no intention of answering it whatsoever. they get up on this whole thing here oh there's a cave in this cave is where the nest is and somebody's like something something oh isn't this like a crazy ancient temple yeah yeah I don't know that's the end of it that's that's for the sequel

my friend dude but like you're telling me now there's ancient societies on this island like sure just completely disinterested I guess the idea is just like any any take your pick like Aztec whatever down there but this is the first time in seven movies where this is happen. You can't just

say that and then not give a fuck about it. How about a ghostly gas station? Would you like that? Better idea. Pretty sure in Jurassic World Dominion we're also ending out at a ghostly gas station at one point. Full of food from the Mars Corporation of course.

Oh dude, all the delicious snacks that have been sitting here grossly for the year. They're still good. But so whatever, we have this big belaying adventure. Leclair, This reveal of the big thing crawls up to the top of the mountain with Leclair in its maw already. And this dude's just head first, by the way. Yeah, he's been long there.

This dude's just getting fucking swallowed. Oh, it's pretty brutal. And then like Jonathan Bailey falls out of the tree and you're like, well, oh shit, what's going to? And he even falls out. And I was in my head. I'm like writing a movie. I'm like, Booker, booker, booker. Or he's going to meet up with the family and now they're going to do that thing.

Sure. Wouldn't that be something? No, but all that they find. him in seconds. In seconds. No, because you're miss. You're missing, you're, you're missing it. Steve, he doesn't fall out of a tree.

He's falling from the rocks. Yes. He's on the rock. The whole mountain. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, oh, he's fucking dead. He's like, he's one of those like, I'm fine because I hit the branches on the way down. What?

You know, branches aren't soft. No. No, in this movie they are, dude. Oh, shit. You're not Bob Ferguson. You can't just survive shit like that. Mutant trees, dude. Because trees were too boring.

So we decide to do monster trees. But what happens if someone makes a bigger tree? Exactly. It would be great for all the options. You want the whole world to be shade? But like, yeah, instead of, you know, some kind of thing, which would be interesting. By the way, have that happened way earlier in the movie, right? But like after the fall right here, they're like, oh, there's, the piping is going to take us right to the, hey, who's that?

And they just come together, like, right here. Like, well, I'm glad the. movie rejoined itself for the end of the movie. No need for conflict. Nope, we're good. Let's go. Well, I guess we'll have a verbal conflict here of being like I'm reunited with everyone

and I'm the older daughter, you understand. And that guy tried to kill me. Yes. So we have that blow up here. And then he has a gun now and he also is, now they have the three samples. He's got it like a handcuffed to his arm there. Like he works for fucking water.

House Cooper, whatever the fuck. Yeah, he's got the Oscar results. Exactly. And it goes to, not this movie. Yeah, totally. I do like, when they get this generator going and the bass lights out and Benny King's standby me starts playing, that's eerie. There's like a nice eerieness right here, which lasts for like 12 seconds.

It's the gas station first, right? Then it's the big generator scenario with the whatever. Well, the gas station. Oh, it's next to it or whatever. It's all right there because they turn the thing on to the gas station. up and the lights go on to the convenience store and all that stuff. It's so insane that they stick a fucking convenience store in this sequence. It's like,

it is. Because it's just for the product placement. And this is, there's some Dr. Pepper going on over here. Honestly, like, it would be more interesting if they did like,

instead of just yet another stupid fucking empty jungle, what if you went to a completely evacuated town? Yeah, completely evacuated, like what if it's by, it's by, it's interesting. Haiti, Cuba,

whatever. Yeah. The entire country evacuated. and you're going through it, it feels post-apocalyptic. Yeah, oh, totally. That's a good idea. So, yeah, that's going on. And this is like, they eventually, the turkey raptors find them here. And then this is the family hiding in the store.

It's very the kids in the kitchen. Oh, yeah. You know, she hides in like a freezer. I'm like, all right, that's just, it's just the cabinet that little Timmy hides in. It's the same shit. Oh, the turkey seeing its reflection. Oh, my God. It's so, oh, my God.

I am ugly. Who designed me? Jesus Christ? No, yeah, no, please. Is there an asteroid anytime soon? Bring this down here and kill us all. Whoa, they have run out of ideas. Look at me.

I suck. Fuck this. Do you see that big one with the big forehead out there? Ugliest sin. You called it a D-Rax did you? And someone paid you to make this movie with me in it. For dumb? What is it?

Oh, Dick. Oh, okay. That's interesting. Mahershala and Jonathan Bailey's characters find the lab at this point. The sight of the Snickers incident, I think, is what goes on here. And they're sort of looking around. And then this is where they're discovering, like, oh, this is where the mutations were happening. And blah, blah, blah, blah.

And did they run out of money? Because in this lamp sequence, there needs to be a dinosaur in it that chases them, right? That, like, you're looking through all the things. Like, oh, this one, that one, there's broken glass. I already had one at the convenience store. Right next to the Lace Chips. But you're totally right. It's like, here's what it is, right?

It's like a tube with a dead dinosaur in it. Tube with a dead dinosaur in it. Supreme Leader Snow. Go on. Tube with a dead dinosaur. Or is it and it's actually standing behind the tube? And that's alive and it starts chasing him. Kill me.

Oh, thank God you hear. It's a sin for dinosaurs to commit suicide. I need you to kill me immediately. This is awful. I looked at myself, I really suck. This is just the design is awful. They fucking made me look like George Lucas. I mean, what in the fuck?

And I'm flying? This is stupid. Not even enjoying some noodles in a Diet Coke? It should be like when in that Tri-House of Horror where they parody The Shining and Homer sees his face in the mirror and fucking falls down the shit. It should be like, brunt! I look like, what now? So we find out there's

Lumis and Kincaid find that there's like tunnels under everything here And wouldn't you know it? There's tunnels that can take you All the way down There's a boat that he's noticed or whatever Because somewhere around here we also The helicopter eats shit It's actually kind of a great

The helicopter comes They get a flare out at the last second They turn back around and it's like oh there's all this smoke What's going on And you see the helicopter kind of flying And then it just gets fucking decimated by the stupid D-Rex thing. It's got fucking six arms for some

reason. Because it's got four legs like a dog. But then it also has the T-Rex arms as five and six. Yeah, it's like it's like gorilla walking like on its fist and then it has right at the ribs it has the T-Rex. I could barely look at this thing. Pretty ugly. Who is it like

in the marketing department? Because again if it's just for the zoo element of it like who wants to look at this thing? I don't want to look at this thing. I don't want to look at this thing. I'm not paid extra for that. Dude, I'd be like, I fucking paid $10,000 to come to this Jurassic World Island with my family,

and you got that? That's entertainment. You don't like this big forehead look? You don't like Timmy from South Park? What's wrong with you? Why don't you like it? Come on now. It is just back to the drawing board on these mutated

dinosaurs. I am sorry. Oh, man. So Zora finds the Delgado in the tunnels here. She shoots the shit out of a turkey raptor that's about to get him. And maybe that's why you get away with the actual mutated ones

because if she shot a raptor, people would be so upset. Like, no. Oh, yeah. That's a legacy character. You can't hurt a legacy character. That's right. The T-Rex is always getting out alive.

CGI Dallaposaurus always get out of love. Dude, they should be on the boat with them. Wow, that was a close call. Wasn't it, guys? Those guys were weird. Look, I wouldn't care so much about them killing off. Raptor. If it wasn't so clear, there were so many more stories to tell about Raptor.

There were so much they could have done with. It would have been so amazing. Such rich IP there. So whatever, Rupert Friend has stolen a car and driven away. They all go through the tunnels. They get down here. Wouldn't you know, Rupert Friend comes right down with him right here. He gets got somewhere around here. It's really unremarkable for the big guy here. Like this is the guy. He should. should get shift or like even like the you think about the the lawyer from the first movie yeah that guy gets fucking killed you know what I mean like

it's just kind of nothing I already remember how it happens it bites his head or something oh yeah he does get bit head for like yeah which is it's not too bad you get the arm falling with the gun oh that's like the arm it's just Samuel L Jackson yeah I couldn't believe it

where is Spielberg missed a page dude I bet you think they fucking snuck him in and then he's there opening night you son of a bitch. Wow. You watch now. Gareth Edwards, he won't make

another movie again because Steven Spielberg was like, I told you to cut out those references. Mattingly, I told you to shave those cyphers.

Exactly. Mattingly, I told you to shave those Jurassic 93 references. You know what? Now I understand why George gets so upset about them stealing the stuff.

You know what? Maybe it's right. Maybe it should be calling my lawyer more often. So the fucking, the, they're about to get killed. here and Marhershula does the

Goldblum. Sure does. Hey, this way over here with the flare. The little girl is very specifically about to get killed and he is like, he even says, like, he says to her a couple times in the movie because he tries to be an actor and a character. It's like, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I personally will not let something

happen to you. Yeah. So therefore, when he does this, it should be his final act and he heroically sacrifices himself. And frankly, if they had kept it that he's dead, the way they do it is actually not too bad because it's the kind of classy, like the flare goes out. Yes.

That signifies the death. Exactly. It's kind of a nice way to do it. He got eaten. That's why there's no more flare. You know, just the jungle goes dark. Maybe his hat is floating in the water. Sure.

But instead, how about he's just totally fine, mysteriousness? Because seconds after you, like seconds after that flare goes out. Like we have like a minute or two or whatever. And then, yeah, he's just walking around again. Because the nice thing you're talking about, Andrew, is actually like the rule has completely upended now because it's literally now

they are not dead unless you watch them die. You have to see the light leave their fucking eyes. They could be on the ground with five knives in their chest. Five blades. Dollar signs. With dollar signs. You can see that.

It doesn't matter. You have to see the, they have to like their head has to tilt and they're clearly dead. You need to see the full on checkout or else it doesn't get out. What if because the monster Dsaurus. survives this. He puts on Duncan's hat on his little beret on top of that big dome head.

I'm the captain now. Yes, D-Rex, Duncan Rex. Yes, who's his identity? I lost my son. I carry this picture around of him. Yes, I am Duncan, Kincaid. No, it's a skin condition. It's kind of rude to bring it up.

Do you think Eric Prince will notice the difference because I really want to get to work? Hello, Lori. Yes, it's me, your ex-husband, Duncan. I'm wondering if a possibility of getting back together. What do you say? Let's get coffee. Let's rub scales, baby. Oh, you don't say that. You're a human. Yeah, let's get coffee. Oh, wait, yeah, scales. You're a human being, right? Okay, just checking. No skills. You remember when you said you found Goro sexy, right?

I've got some good news, honey. I got you a ticket out world. me to say that. Man, but yeah, that flare just goes up. Turn around. You gotta turn the ball around for Duncan. It's just the D-Rex. Gotcha.

You're not getting bookered today. You thought arms five and six were stupid. Gotcha. They can hold a flare just perfectly. Oh, man. So this little girl takes this baby dinosaur with them. Wouldn't you know it? Yes, but Herschel is alive.

if they all sail off into the sunset and what it just ends? Who do we give it to? Well, I'll let you. Who do we give it to is what she asked Jonathan Bailey to which he says you decide. No, no, no, no, no, dude. Don't leave it up to the mercenary.

You don't know how she's feeling about this. Let's give it to the world. Yep. Poor blood on a laptop. Well, no, actually the ending, of course, because Spielberg must have been furious when this happened, the ending is just the fucking, it's dolphins in the water

as opposed to the cranes. the fucking sky. Okay, great. I thought I told you to make those cuts. You'll never make another movie again. And by the way, you were already on thin ice. I saw that John David Washington movie. Hey, hi. Yeah,

it's Steven Spielberg. It seems like you guys filmed script R3 and we had R4, 5, and 6 after that when all those changes happened. So none of those made it did the movie? So let me get this straight. No Skeleton Army at all. And the 69ing

It's not in the... Those are in R6. We put in the 609 scene. Yeah. Wait a second. You didn't put in the part where the D. Rex calls the ex-wife

pretending to be Duncan? And the dad doesn't get laid? What the fuck is this? See, Stephen, I told you. If you don't ride their ass and sue them all the time, stuff like this happens and you don't have a skeleton league.

God damn. But having said all that, and I'm angry at this production, I will still gladly be the executive producer on the next one. Don't worry. Oh, money was made. Hello.

Oh, man. But that is the end. maybe this movie that nobody asked for. Well, I guess a lot of people were asking for it. These continue to be successful, but we're going around the hornier for some final thoughts and potential recommendations. Mr. Siska. Yes, you know, people were asking for it, and I know this,

hopefully this didn't rub anyone the wrong way. If you're a new listener, perhaps choose a different episode as your next one. It's not usually this dire. You know, because it's okay to like a movie. We do say that. I didn't say it at the top of the show. I was so bad that you forgot to do it at the time. I was so bad because Chris, I was very aggris.

I was very aggravated watching this. Because at the, you know, it kind of sounds like it makes sense on paper. You're like, okay, you got your big movie star. It's going to be mercenaries. Ooh, I like the sound of that. Hell yeah, yeah. And then, you know, you get this little science side thing. But, and then it just, it just, it's, it's so underbaked.

Yeah. It's not like if it's even overstuffed by adding the family. You could have found a way to make it work. Of course. They just didn't. And it's disappointing. It's just disappointing to go through year and a year and a year and year and year. year after year after year of these Jurassic things

I think it worse each time it's not easy yeah no it's not easy watching these dinosaur movies Chris Cabin no yeah they all like melted together as they said and they're all in just this melted chocolate scoop of chocolate and like candy shit yeah exactly like chocolate dinosaur nothing here and like everything like this this version of this story was done better with the third if you're going to mix

like, you know, Grant being kind of your operator in that scenario with the family. And they just, it's a more satisfying film, all things told. This is just like, I can tell nobody wants to be here. Nobody gives this shit.

Like, they give Jonathan Bailey that one scene to be like, oh, isn't this kind of heartwarming? Let's get back to the cynical pillaging of all the other movies again and just throw it all together like we were. And there's this one heartfelt moment. It's just, it brings you down, man. See Gareth Edwards doing it. It brings you down even more. I just fucking hate this. Steve Sadek. Yeah, I really have a difficulty with these movies again,

because I really love the first one. And I just am so bored by them. I'm so bored by every decision this franchise has made. Literally, I mean, Lost World is is not, I don't think it's a good movie, but at least it's watchable. It gets better every year. It's getting, yeah, exactly. It's taken chances and stuff. Everything since has just been a race to the bottom. And, yeah at least it's not Chris Pratt and Clone Girl I guess so maybe it's not as bad as the Clone Girl saga I don't know

I don't know I just don't want to watch it Yeah now I guess in the lowest and lightest and slightest of ways This is a recommend as far as like curiosity Goes if you've seen some of these other Jurassic World movies Again I think it still might be the second Best Jurassic World movie Okay because that first one

At least it was it's like the Force Awakens to you know. Like that kind of deal. One nasty moment where the lady gets fucking... Oh, she gets good. Yeah, that's pretty fucking funny. That's like the lawyer equivalent.

Yeah. And that little like pod sequence is kind of cool. Or with Jimmy Fallon? That part where it's cab TV is definitely not. You know, so I think there is something to be said for being able to watch this movie

and I don't have to see Jeff Goldblum. You know, I don't have to see any of the old characters, especially because that fucking, I think it's the second one, Fallen Kingdom, he was all over those trails, if you remember, and then he just bookends the movie. And there's nothing to do with the adventure. Oh, that steamed my clams. So like, I don't know, like the second of four bad shits is still,

I guess, a shit at the end of the day. But, you know, there are worse dino adventures out there, I guess is all I'm saying. But that is going to do it for this episode on Jurassic World Rebirth. If you'd like more We Hate Movies, by the way, head over to the Patreon, patreon.com slash we hate movies, where you can get episodes just like this very We Hate Movies episode. Same content, same jokes, but ad free. That's right, zero commercials on that Patreon,

along with a bunch of additional shows that we do here, the family of WHM shows. If you're new to We Hate Movies, finding us because you're a Jurassic World curio. Well, we have a lot of shows, and one of which just last week it was, we released this month's edition of We Love Movies.

We're talking all about Paul Thomas Anderson's One Battle after another. That was a good-ass time. Melrose 210210 was big. This is our 90210, Melrose Place chat show, Chris Cabin. Two double helpers of 90210 this month. It's where we're dealing with the commencement as we dealt with the ending of Baby Wars

and the last one for Melrose Place. Now we're dealing with commencement. God damn it, isn't it right? It's a clip show. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yes. And we're talking about we have a great time. It's a great episode.

If you were getting this episode on Jurassic World Rebirth on the data that it comes out, which is the 20th of January, well, guess what for our top tier Patreon supporters. Tonight we'll be going on the air live 8 p.m. on Patreon for the latest edition of our AMA-style chat show called WHM After Dark. That is where you, the supporters, get to ask us questions in real time posted on the Patreon or in the chat. Those are always a lot of fun. The next one of that is happening, like I said, tonight at 8 p.m. And don't worry, if you can't make it live, you can get the replay on Patreon. And you can also get it in audio form should you choose to not watch. Again, that is going live tonight at 8 p.m. And just two days from now on Thursday, Steve Sadek, this month's animation

damnation is coming out. We're doing the King of the Hill reboot from last year, where you don't kind of keeping that things we watched last year's theme going through animation damnation. I still have not seen this yet. I'm excited to Check it out. I liked King of the Hill and everyone loved this reboot. Yeah, it's a really interesting how to do a continuation of an animated thing after years of being off the air. And then this Friday, Eric, our next chapter of the Gleep Glossary is being made available. Yes, so the Gleep Gloucesteries this month you have in this franchise, clone girl. We're going to be talking about a clone guy.

Oh, okay. Dorsk, 81. Dors. You can, I see the 81st of these guys. Right. He's like a force sensitive asshole. you'll learn more this Friday. Looking forward. Clone guy.

Clone guy. Next week on The Nexus, which is our Star Trek recap show, we're doing a really awesome two part of the end of season four and the beginning of season five. We are talking all about Picard and Worf getting into the Klingon of Civil War. It is everything you love about Star Trek the next generation.

You do not want to miss that. And then, of course, Friday of next week, big release, the Q1 episode of our quarterly horror movie recap show, Scaredy Cats. This is a video show that you can get an audio form, but it is predominantly a video show that you can get on the Patreon top tier as well. And yes, this month, as voted

by you, the Patreon supporters, we're talking all about, um, baby, Danny Boyle is 28 years later. Hell yeah. That was a lot of fun. It's going to be a lot of fun to watch on the 30th, but before that next Tuesday, like every Tuesday here in the WHMU, we hate movies, rolls on with another episode.

Steve Sadek. In the final week of movies we watched, last year month, what are we talking about? I feel like this title will be apt by the time we get to it. It's regretting you. That's right. The rom-com based on the popular

book where we got... Oh, I think it's a rom-dram, dude. Well, shoot, I'll be laughing. I'll be laughing at it. It's going to be comedic to me. Yeah, we got... There's a Franco floating around in this movie. Well, it's doing the Franco that can float around these days. That's true. You got an Allison Williams floating around in this movie.

McKenna Grace. Scott Eastwood. Yes. That's right. Beep, beep, Scott Eastwood. Our finest automobile actor. The kid from Black Phone, whose name I forget also. Oh, yes.

So he's, yeah, he and Mechanic Grace there. Yes. Get it on. Oh, I don't know about that. No? I don't know if they're of age. Is this a teen thing? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, they're of age, right? I don't know. But, yeah, this is a popular book that was turned into a very successful movie that yeah, we'll see. We'll see if it warrants the box. It's something else. Yeah, Chris Gavin, already a huge fan, I can tell. Quite a big one.

So until next week when we're chatting, regretting you. I've been Andrew Juppin. Steven State Act. Eric Cisco. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.