We Hate Movies - S16 Ep843: Regretting You (2025)
Episode Date: January 27, 2026“He is such a dirty slut in this movie!” - Eric on Dave Franco’s characterOn this week’s episode, our month of episodes featuring convos about movies we watched in 2025 concludes with a total... banger chat about the romantic drama, Regretting You! Are these the horniest bereaved characters in a major studio production? If your hometown has a local rodeo, does the town charter stipulate you have to get married immediately out of high school? Does Dave Franco really look “mysterious” wearing glasses or is this character just a serial killer? Does Scott Eastwood play a believable party animal? How much money did AMC Theatres have invested in this thing? And we all need to do better by Clancy Brown! PLUS: The Great Pop-Tart Rant of 2026!Regretting You stars Allison Williams, Mckenna Grace, Dave Franco, Mason Thames, Willa Fitzgerald, Scott Eastwood, Sam Morelos, Ethan Costanilla, and Clancy Brown as Gramps; directed by Josh Boone.This episode is sponsored by GhostBed! Right now, our listeners can take an extra 10% off sitewide. Just go to GhostBed.com/whm and use promo code WHM at checkout. That’s GhostBed.com/whm, promo code WHM to get an extra 10% off GhostBed’s already-great prices. Some terms apply; see site for details.Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey folks, before we get to today's episode on Regretting You, just wanted to give you a quick tour reminder.
February 22nd, boy, oh boy, this is coming up fast, y'all.
We're going to be in Los Angeles, California, back of the beautiful Hollywood improv talking Broken Arrow.
And then on March the 20th, we are visiting the amazing city of Minneapolis for the first time.
We are going to be at the varsity theater, bringing y'all laughs, talking about Conan de Bobia.
And I did that dumb voice because it is indeed the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger version.
Don't want you to get it twisted and watch the remake.
And then just two days later, March the 22nd, we are in Chicago, Illinois, making our debut at the Den Theater.
Very stoked to play The Den, have not played the Den before.
And we're going to be talking about an all-timer, folks.
That's right. Tom Hanks in Big, you know that's going to get a little blue.
Tickets on sale now to all three shows.
Head over to our website, WHM Podcast.com.
They're going fast, y'all.
And also just really quickly, on the 30th of this month, the next Scaredy Cats episode will be dropping.
We're talking about 28 years later.
It's a great episode.
You are going to want to watch that show on the Patreon.
Patreon.com slash we hate movies for Scarity Cats.
Episode two dropping January 30th.
All right, that's enough for me.
Let's talk about this rom-drum-com-drum.
It's regretting you.
Enjoy.
People chicken.
This week on the program, it's kind of like a lifetime movie with a bigger budget and worse acting.
It's regretting you.
I'm Andrew Juppen.
Steve and Sadek.
Regretting you.
Chris Cabin.
And we hate movies.
Hello everyone, welcome to We Hey Movies.
Thank you for tuning in as always.
That's right.
This is the final week of a month filled with us talking about movies we watched last year.
And this one, Chris Cabin got this one in Under the Gun.
It's regretting you directed by Josh Boone.
You may know him from directing Stuck in Love, The Fault in Our Stars,
The New Mutants, the Paramount Plus TV, The Stand.
And a bright-eyes music video and then this.
Oh, this is what we're working with here.
Okay, that's it.
The bright-ass music video, thank you.
Because at some point, Dave Franco's wearing a slutty bright-eyes t-shirt, all tight.
He is, dude.
He's like sluddly mourning his dead, dead cheating wife.
He is such a dirty slut in this movie.
It's crazy.
Even in the classroom.
It's kind of crazy.
He's wearing these tight, long-sleeve polos.
You look like you're trying to pick up a student.
the looks of longing and yearning are just like he had to amp it up like times like 10 a thousand
a hundred like he's just like mm yeah yeah it looks like when he's supposed to be like
fawning over alison williams making all these faces and whatnot it just looks like he's got to
take a shit yeah he doesn't look like he's in love he looks like he's got to take a huge shit
i make those exact faces when i have to do any rudimentary math
he might be at the fuck
he might be going into diabetic shock
with all these goddamn Jolly Ranchers everyone
suck it on in this movie
dude I thought for a second there was going to be a twist
where he was a secret alien because the only thing
you see him eat is Jolly Ranchers like he's fucking
E-T or some shit with the Reese's pieces
you're supposed to be romantic or even
nice to me giving me a loose
bag like a see-through
loose bag of Jolly
Renters buy me a new bag
asshole everybody can see it
no well that's not the point
Come on.
Watermelons, right?
Oh, watermelon.
You can't buy all watermelon.
But you should, dude, I bet if you looked at like a fucking candy wholesaler or maybe
went to the Jolly Rancher Corporation themselves.
Because, like, you can do that with M&M.
So you can buy a specially bag.
Yeah, of like all just like one color Eminem.
No, I'm not kidding you. It's a totally real thing.
The green one?
Yeah, dude.
You can fuck it.
How about this, Eric?
You can get the blue one.
You could get all yellows.
Yeah.
All green if you wanted.
Or you could like mix them up, you know?
Interesting.
Is that right?
We'll talk about it later.
Giving a girl,
giving, I'm sorry, your girlfriend's
your partner's
baby mama. Baby mama's sister
a bag full of
her favorite Jolly Ranchers that
you've romantic, that you've
thoughtfully picked for weeks.
If I did that to my wife's sister, that would be a very
long conversation. Like that's even weirder
than getting her a bracelet that says I love you.
That whole, that
whole relationship itself
is just a nightmare. It
Beyond, like, I, the, the, the, Alston Williams and the, and car man are like one thing.
And that's pretty bad to begin with. But like, the, he has been holding over this emotional affair.
Yes.
For years and years. Got to give it up to.
It was high school. When, when she does, when she does ask him, like, did you ever love Jenny?
It does take him a beat, doesn't it? Sure does. Yeah. It's like, I definitely did. She's like,
Did you even love my dead sister?
And he's like, he turns around.
He's like, what?
Yo, be right there.
Sorry, I got to go.
Whatever you ask me, I'll answer it when I get back.
Sure.
We'll get into the whole movie.
But I do want to, just for new listeners, FYI.
I don't remember when it started it.
Probably with that Fast and Furious movie that he's in.
It had to have been.
We decided that Scott Eastwood, the son of legendary actor and director Clint Eastwood,
who is where I know I'm from.
It is an actor of his own right.
Clint Eastwood's loins.
You know it from my balls.
But so we had posited on that
episode and then thereafter
that he is as good
of an actor as a car. So he's a car that is an
like he emotes as well as a car would in this
scene. And that's
that's not saying nothing because I'm going to tell you
some cars are pretty exciting. They go up on
on the screen. Oh hell yeah, dude. Think of the acting
ability of the DeLorean.
Hell yeah. My God.
I mean, even the talking fucking taxi from Roger Rabbit, a star.
That's where I got to draw the line.
No, no, no, no.
We're talking about inanimate cars because that thing can talk.
Scotty's going to get off my back, Raj.
She can't do that.
CGI?
Are we counting CGI cars?
No, no, CGI.
Again, it can't talk.
No, but not like the, yeah, not like Owen Wilson.
Oh, I'm lightning the queen, man.
None of that shit either.
If the car has teeth and it's talking, definitely not.
He got to start in Grand Torino as the Grand Torino.
Yes, because that's a big one.
Can you put my son in as the Grand Torino?
Yes, I've made juror number two, and this here, Scotty, he's son number one.
Scotty, Scotty's over there. Here are the keys.
What's, what you say, boy?
That's right.
I just might get confusing for new listeners when we keep out of him a car.
Honestly, I'm glad that you gave a refresher because in the lead-up to this episode, you know,
we've been plugging it and saying like, oh yeah,
and it co-stars the greatest car actor, Scott.
And I'm sitting here like,
what the fuck were we talking about?
I really, I could not remember what the fuck
what we were talking about.
Probably on one of those Fast and the Furious episodes
because he's in one of the early.
I think that's the only one that he's in.
Yeah.
We covered that and we called him an automobile actor.
Yes.
An actor who is an automobile.
This is like a romantic drama, right?
Rom-drum, right?
Rom-dram.
It's a rom-dram where like,
the dead are barely in the ground
and the bereaved
are hornier than you can ever imagine.
They were asking for it, those dead
of how they behaved in life.
That's true.
They did indeed.
But it is just wild how these people are barely buried
and the bereaved are ready to fuck.
That's what's so sexy about this movie
and this novel is you're stewing
with these emotions.
You want to put your juice in her.
and you can't
because society won't allow
here right because she's taken
you're now going to try to get close to her
by fucking her sister okay
but
this pent up aggression Chris
since the killers we were young
were on the church
that's 2006 baby
wince a little bit of like oh
it's it's I'm an older gentleman
now exactly I was like what do you mean
that song is like four years old pal
dude I kept trying to find
or something. Great. I kept trying to find
when that fucking record came out and I had to
keep going back. It's 2006.
In it? Yeah.
Yeah. And they're at high school and we were in college.
So we're older than these people.
Yes.
Yes. Absolutely.
Totally.
That's cool. Yeah. So yeah, if you're a new listener and you're young,
bear with us. We are old men.
But it is starting with like, yes, there's a radio
broadcast you hear and it's just the DJ talking
about some summer rodeo.
event that's happening and then it's like, and here's the latest from the killers.
And I was like, oh no.
It's the latest from the killers.
Is this going to be the song of the summer?
It's 2006.
2006.
Remember, it's 2006.
It's no war in Afghanistan.
This song was heavily featured on Guitar Hero.
Remember Guitar Hero?
It was.
And you have a local rodeo, rodeo, rodeo, rodeo.
And that means you have to get married in right after high school, high school, high school.
It is, I gotta say, we often make fun of like these prologue sequences of like, you know, you don't need these because holy shit is it embarrassing to watch all these very old actors pretend to be in high school.
That ship has sailed.
That's insane.
It sucks.
Alison Williams is what, 50 years old?
She's like 38 or something.
That's a high school student?
As a high school, it's crazy.
That's even worse than Anda Zuckerman.
She's, so she's four years younger than I am.
Yeah, so she's like 38.
Yeah, she's 37, 38.
That sounds right.
That's going on.
And what else we got here?
Dave Franco, Dave Franco is a year younger than me.
He was born in 1985.
Yeah, these are not high school students.
Scott Eastwood came off the factory line in 1986.
And Willa Fitzgerald, 1991.
At least she's supposed to be a younger sister here and not like the same age as Allison
Williams.
God damn after my son was assembled in Mexico.
We should say that the relationship is, yes,
Alison Williams is the older sister of Willa Fitzgerald's character.
And it's like this, she says something about I've been raised in her since she was nine or some shit.
And I'm like, they don't really say what happened to the parents, I don't think.
I think they just been raising her.
Probably in the same exact scenario that this movie is.
this happened to their parents.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's generational. And
it's, yes, exactly.
And Scott Eastwood and Dave Franco
are buddies, even though
Scott Eastwood's big party dude and Dave
Franco, you understand, he wears glasses.
So that makes him not.
He's a party dude.
More gentle just by the glasses, right?
She says something later in the movie
at some point. She's just like,
I don't know, you, Alison Williams to Dave Franklin,
you're always just so mysterious.
With the glasses, I'm like, I don't know, man.
That's like 17 to 20%.
set of the population.
Like, it's not a big deal.
Well, remember, there's a local rodeo, rodeo, rodeo,
so classes are foreign and weird, weird, weird.
He's not thrilled to be drinking the way that Scott Eastwood,
model T4 is, you know, he's...
He, like, that's, I think, the whole thing.
And it just makes him weird.
Like, he's just keep on looking down and looking away from things.
And I'm like, is that supposed to be mysterious?
No, this is his...
playing like shy nerd
and it just doesn't work.
His one mode that I think he's very successful
at is comedy. I think he's
incredibly funny and he's made my
he's made me laugh my ass off a ton of times
but like you diverge from
that too far in any other direction man
and you're just kind of getting this. It's like
bad Peter Parker. I think he's good in love
lies bleeding but that's also sort of like almost a comedic role in that
it kind of almost is. You know what I mean? Like
he's just kind of a scumbaggaggag and like
it's fucking Tadio-Bry.
to comedy that you can kind of forgive it.
You're supposed to viscerally enjoy his demise.
So, yeah, I'm going to say he's a comedic figure in general.
And I, as a normal guy, he's pretty good.
If anybody's seen, uh, Jill Swambert's easy, he's really good.
As just a totally normal person.
This is not normal.
This is, whatever this is.
Did anyone see together from last?
I did.
Yeah, I did.
I did.
How is that?
I've been circling it.
Not a fan.
Uh, it's an interesting.
idea, very interesting idea, and I think it has certain scenes that work, but as a whole thing,
I just, it does not. I think honestly, better as a short. Okay. Well, let me ask you this,
though. Is it better than regretting you? Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. Oh, I mean, like, you have to.
Hey, me, come on. We should say, it's okay to like a movie. It's okay to like a novel. You know,
we're just going to have fun with the premise here. And Allison Williams steals a pregnancy test and
takes a little pee-pee in the bathroom.
She kind of uses it like, some people will like,
oh, I'm just going to be shopping for all.
I'm going to open the bag of chips and eat it, but I'll pay on my way out.
It's her walking pregnancy test, you see.
I want to see the entire scene where she gets out.
She sees she's pregnant.
She takes the test with all the piss on it and flaps it down on the counter for the person to ring up.
To scan it, dude.
Listen, dude, if you want to watch Piss Play videos, I can help you find Piss Play videos.
Well, the thing is, you know, it made me think of Piss Play videos.
which I adore.
So I've obviously, I had a tab open with that playing the entire time of this movie.
Yeah, it's not gritty like that.
It doesn't have, that's, we said love lies bleeding.
That's more that tone than this.
Yeah.
I might have it confused you a bit.
So she takes this pregnancy test and then we're like hanging out somewhere and Scott Eastwood, dude.
This is like, poor Allison Williams in this moment.
Because like, if she's not knocked up by this dude, I think it's a real easy see you later.
But he's like, you should have a beer.
she's like, yeah, I don't want to.
I don't feel like drinking in these like drunk Morgans, my favorite Morgan.
If your fucking partner is like, I only like you, I like you the best when you're wasted, that's a problem.
But she tells Dave Franco before she tells fucking Scotty's been about this.
Oh, and then like she's like, it's so hilarious.
Unintentionally so, but she's like, it's basically like, no, I'm pregnant.
And then these fireworks start going off and the title card of the movie is like in the fireworks.
That's crazy.
You would want them to maybe not make it so fucking, like, smack in your face obvious from the get-go that Dave Franco's in love with her.
Yeah.
A little, like, if you play the mystery a little bit, instead of just this sad sack shit of like, because the minute you see them together, like, he's clearly making eyes at her.
Like, what good is this?
If you're not letting me, like, be teased a little bit, maybe, oh, my God, maybe she actually likes fucking Scotty's wood.
It's possible, I guess.
He's got great headlights.
I just don't know what...
Dude's got killer headlights, a killer set of headlines.
Good grill, too.
Great grill.
The...
He is a handsome guy.
He kind of looks exactly like his father when he was his age, so it's nothing wrong there.
The, uh, the firework title sequence for this dark drama.
Again, this is a dark drama.
Like, you know what I mean?
It's a romantic drama.
Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Dark twisted drama.
This is twisted, man.
It really is.
Like it's a little.
twist it. Fireworks are for
like the great outdoors. You know, like a
John Candy film, you want to have fireworks. So you're
saying if a raccoon is going to be subtitled,
you can have your title card be surrounded
by fireworks. Precisely. Well, you know,
you're talking about a John Candy film. This sort of was reminding
me of Uncle Bucket away, the way this
Allison Williams is constantly
like cock blocking everyone.
There's something bumbling
about it. The title reveal is also
very similar, I think, to how they do it
in Evil Dead Rise, which is also a
kind of a dark drama.
Sure. Yeah.
is, yeah. That's a movie
I liked better than this, and I didn't like that.
Oh, oh yeah. Oh, yeah. So the fireworks
go off. We hit 17
years later, so now we're talking 2022,
I believe.
And dude, it just cuts to
Allison Williams miserably staring
out a window. I feel it's like,
you know everything that's going on with this
poor woman just staring out this window because
she knows she's got to go downstairs
right now and, yep, make her
own birthday cake.
Oh, that's sad.
later on Scott Eastwood
It's not him, but the character
Is he Charlie?
Do I get that right?
Or is he?
Chip.
He's Chris.
He's Chris.
Chris.
Chris.
Scott Eastwood's character is like,
don't worry, babe.
I'll do the dishes.
And she's like,
I already did them.
And I'm like, oh, man.
Do this just do not count as a birthday present or even part of a birthday present.
They really don't.
Yeah.
Surprise, babe.
I did the dishes this one time.
Like, oh, man.
Jesus.
Hey, babe, I got, for your birthday.
I took my pub.
off the toilet seat.
I pressed him off myself.
That's big.
I trimmed everything up down there, babe,
so when you're down there later
giving me your birthday present,
you're not going to get all tickled and whatnot.
She loves this.
Just making your own birthday cake.
She says every year she makes her own birthday cake.
Yikes.
We said it was 17 years later, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yep.
Yes.
Yep.
So Willa Fitzgerald and,
Franco come over. They got the baby now. Newborn baby. Allison Williams
fawning over the fact that this dude Dave Franco's character Jonah volunteers to change a diaper.
She's like, I didn't know a man was legally allowed to change a diaper.
You give him a crown. Every one of them, I say. You know what? If it's just a basic human thing you should do, absolutely. Get a crown and a scepter, all that.
Give him a throne.
You know, they don't play their cards close to the vessel.
He takes the baby.
Willa Fitzgerald yells, clean it, cuck.
And you should understand that sort of what, you know,
they're letting you know that there might be something going on with her and Chris.
Exactly.
Right.
That might be a problem.
It is so weird because they make a point of letting you know that he's been gone.
He left for a while.
Correct.
And I'm like, I kind of need to see that to understand what like,
because to me it just feels like they've been there the whole time.
It's like the way.
totally right it's confusing.
To cut like that and they're like, yeah, he got, she,
they did a high fidelity.
She fucked him at his father's funeral.
And then,
I guess from that or from another instance,
they got pregnant and now they're going to get married and have this kid together.
Because Allison Williams says something about like,
you blew back into town,
you banged my sister and knocked her up and now you're just like here,
I guess is the idea.
Yeah. But the sister says that like, oh,
they're getting married. Oh, did he
proposed? It was a discussion.
I mean, you do already have a kid,
you know? Yeah, it makes sense.
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And Alza Williams just.
isn't thrilled with that she's telling her.
Like, didn't she, like, didn't she, like,
date him for a month, she says?
Like, that's, that's it.
Like, I guess so it's like they kind of dated for a month.
Then she got knocked up and that's where we are.
Take shots at your sister for this not being romantic.
Scott East would.
Did you're all over the beach or something.
Yeah.
You got this kid coming out.
And then you just got married.
It did, I didn't see his proposal.
I didn't see any good shit happened to you.
You're doing the dishes on your birthday.
They're talking about me about romance lady.
Fuck on.
Totally.
I will say the car is thrilled to be drinking.
Every time he's drinking, he's very excited about drinking.
It is that thing where there's the friend that like takes a little longer to catch up to everybody else or maybe never catches up at all, which is the sadder of the two cases.
But it's always like the, who's up for a beer?
I got fucking two six packs in each hand.
And then like literally the rest of the room is just like, yeah, man, we're either like not drinking or like quietly.
sipping a cocktail or a glass of wine or something.
No, no, put the funnel back. No, we don't even have any of those red cups.
Keep them in your car. That's fine.
Get the ping pong out. Let's play some ping pong.
Exactly.
She, very important character plot point here.
When he comes in, there's a door that leads into the kitchen.
And then Allison Williams just goes dead-eyed as she often is.
I hate that door.
I hate that door.
I'm sad.
my husband is dead. I can't believe it. I just cannot believe it. I'm not trying to be mean,
but Brian Williams could sell it better. I think that's what's so weird about like she has really
hate that door. Sorry, Chris. This just in, uh, I hate that door. I don't you say, Kevin. I've only
liked her into like, yeah, I've only seen her like activated in get out and girls. That's it. Otherwise, I've just
been like, what, what's you doing?
And in one of those projects, she got her ass
eating out, so that's something.
But like, I saw her play that
scientist in Megan. No,
dog. That ain't happening.
A scientist, I don't
think so. That's another sad, that.
Portrait, too, right? She's just staring at the window at the start
of that. She saw I made a robot that's
killing everybody. And the meanest
thing anyone's ever done was
casting her as Peter Pan in that
live action musical. I don't remember
that. Oh, dude, I fucking watch.
that live, dude.
It was cruel to make her do that.
Like, you know, you should have just, like, said,
no, we're going to get somebody else.
She looked good, though.
She sure did.
She should did.
But it was terrible.
It was so bad.
I forgot about that.
And fucking Christopher Walkins on, like,
Bader blockers, like,
oh, I'm Captain Hook, I guess.
Or whatever.
Oh, yes.
Shit, I must have blocked all of that out of my head,
but now it's all rushing back to me,
and it's terrifying.
We should just do episodes on that shit.
Oh, sure, dude.
Let me get this wig back where it's supposed to be.
Sorry, Allison.
Sorry, sorry, audience.
Yeah, I'm playing Captain Snook.
Wait, what?
Hey, is that the newscaster's daughter, the one who lied about Iraq?
Oh, hey, I saw this Peter Pan before.
He was getting his ass eaten by Evan Moss backwreck.
You know who he is, folks.
Let's get her.
Oh, man.
So while this party's starting, Scotty's Wood's definitely getting the party started,
Alison Williams, Morgan keeps going.
Where's Clara?
Where's Clara?
Where's Clara?
Cut to McKenna Grace singing this song by a person I learned just the other day was called
role model.
Sure.
So role model, you see.
He was playing a tune there at the NHL Winter Classic down in Miami a couple weeks ago.
And I thought, because if the little Shiron comes up and it says role model, I thought that was the band.
Apparently, it's just this dude calls himself role model.
The tune she's singing here in one of the worst like blue screened car jobs I've seen in a really long time.
And is the credits here messed up?
I mean, McKenna, Grace McKenna, isn't that what it's supposed to be?
Isn't that a norm?
No, McKenna, dude.
It's like a way around, you know, it's a modern.
It's a little white girl name.
The last name.
But yeah, she's singing this tune here or whatever, and she spies a handsome hitchhiker standing
by a signpost.
And this is a weird, like, right away you don't know whether or not she knows him.
So I'm like, shit, is this like a, is this an actual hitchhiker situation?
Are you being this stupid?
I thought it was Texas chainsaw about to happen here.
Seriously.
Well, the way he's holding this sign, I thought it was.
tears of the kingdom, Chris. I had to
figure out a way to make the sign stand up,
you know?
Put this, up to that,
put on a triangle, there we go. Dude,
I avoided those guys like the fucking plague.
I'll figure your shit out later. Yeah.
Oh, you can't hang a sign? Dude, you got
way more problems. I'm out of here.
I got adventures to have. Fuck that.
Stupid shit.
Can't get the signpost to stay up.
But his thing is so stupid because
it's like, oh, my uncle,
my grandfather likes this pizza place.
but they won't deliver in town limits.
So I'm moving the sign.
I'm like,
they're still not going to deliver, kid.
Dude, that's not changing Google, pal.
Yeah.
And he's doing this fucking Elaine Venice
with the Chinese restaurant shit.
And do you know how to drive?
You can pick it up, you know.
You want to go pick up this piece?
It's not that hard.
He's got,
this is a driving community.
Miller, I'm hungry.
I'm moving the side, grandpa.
But I'm so hungry.
Pizza.
Pizza in four months.
Once I get the sign where it needs to be.
Pee-Paw wants his pizza.
Hey, Miller.
Hey, Miller, it's pizza time.
Do you get it?
Miller time.
All the cigarettes, he's fucking smoking.
He doesn't know the taste of the fucking pizza anyway.
Exactly.
He's shot dominoes in his face.
He'll know the difference.
But yes, he is, as he tells me,
McKenna Grace, also they go to school together.
They do know each of them.
whether he's not a stranger hitchhiker.
But yeah, he says,
I keep moving this sign
to change the city limits
so this pizza place will deliver.
And she's like,
my God, he's hot and creative.
She's thirsty immediately, dude.
He's moving that sign every day a little more.
It is unhinged.
He needs to be stopped.
I mean, I kind of get it
if you're living in this kind of town.
But just do it all at once.
I mean, I guess that's a...
But like, you don't want to get caught.
You're a stupid.
kid you think you're going to get a fucking
police is going to come to the road. Caught more
digging it out every day.
Yes. I mean, I
I can't, again, it's, I'm trying to think like,
you know, stupid teenager and I think that's
kind of accurate. Like, they're like, oh, let's
go quickly. And just a little bit.
Yeah. It's a, it's a stupid
idea, but you're right. It is a teenager
idea. And I
like, if you're a film guy
and like, I'm kind of impressed with
this kid, honestly. When we see his bedrooms,
this guy has the only
the only poster in America of the two jakes
and this kid's got it.
I don't know how.
I don't know how he has it.
And apparently he loves it.
It's right in the middle of the fucking
Managerie.
Nicholson doesn't even have a copy.
Every poster I saw,
maybe this is not all of them.
You guys can add some.
So yeah,
some mechanic grace or whatever comes back to her house,
back to his house.
Where he's like,
oh, aren't you surprised
I'm not living in a piece of shit shack
or something like that.
Because she says something about like,
wow, like in response to the house
and he's like, are you surprised?
I will say suspiciously,
the outside of the house,
if you get a good shot,
if it does look a little bit like the Texas chainsaw house.
Yeah,
it does have a little bit of a sample.
Clancy Brown is like,
like every limb extended on this,
like chair on the porch.
That's Gramps.
Yeah, I'm not making it past Gramps.
That's Gramps.
He was the best with the sledge back in the day.
you see.
Eric,
what are these movie posters?
So she goes to his room
and here are the movie posters
that are revealed.
Rosemary's baby.
Good movie.
Primal fear of all things.
That's weird.
Previous episode,
kind of weird for a new kid,
you know,
a kid that was born after the killers
to have that up.
Exactly.
Why is a kid who's 18 in 2022
having the primal fear poster?
Ferris Bueller,
which we also saw a poster
of in Family Plan 2.
Oh, right.
Sunset Boulevard and get this
Another 48 hours not 48 hours
Another 48 hours
That's weird because that movie sucks
You let's all the classic sequels
Two Jakes another 48 hours
Pet Semeanor
There's Pet Cemetery
Paper Moon
The Two Jakes election Chinatown
True Grit the Coens version
Truman Show black rain of all things
Oh I caught the Black Rain one yes
And the Untouchables
All Paramount movies
by the way, that's what I...
Oh, that makes total sense.
Dude, that was one of the few times that when I was telling you guys, look out for this
Paramount movie that continually reminds you that it's a Paramount movie.
Multiple times throughout this presentation.
It's fucking crazy what we're doing here.
But yeah, of course, yeah, he is a film school guy.
She wants to go to school for dramatic arts.
She likes acting, this, that, and the other thing.
We have this move, this move right here where he's like, I'm going to pay you whatever it was,
for gas money or whatever the deal is.
And he takes this fucking $10 bill.
Yeah.
And it's not just a like quickly put it in her pocket.
It is a deep front pocket shove here.
The reason this is $10 is because I'm going to cop a feel.
Yes.
He cops a feel.
He gets a really good handful.
It's $4 for the for the gas and about six for the lap dance that I'm giving myself with my hand.
Exactly.
Exactly.
It is kind of funny because she says something about like, oh.
Oh, film school, you want to go to film school?
Are you kidding or something like that?
Because why would I kid about film school?
And I was like, take it easy, Dawson, Leary.
Take it easy.
Fucking dial it back.
Take it down a notch.
Cessel be demented.
Let me just ask you one thing, though.
Have you ever seen the two jakes?
It's incredible.
It's about fracking.
It's about fracking in L.A.
It's incredible.
He's got the two jakes and China.
Both put massive fucking fan of that storyline, I guess.
Yeah, I just like all the classics.
Uh, Chinatown,
Rosemary's baby, the two jakes.
I love Roman Polansky.
You just had nothing wrong.
Friday 13th, the final chapter.
Yes.
House to the second story.
I'm co-sending that Roman Polansky letter now.
Who's this guy in the middle of all the,
the people we know and this Miller Adams.
Who's that?
What the fuck?
That name, too.
Oh, my, what is he?
Two beer commercials shoved together?
Uh-huh.
That's what happens when the two beer companies are going to merge eventually.
He should have been Scott Eastwood's kid.
That guy liked to drink.
Oh, totally.
Miller Adams's High Life Eastwood.
Yeah, dude, this kid's the fucking champagne of jeers.
Come on.
I'll name the Coors Banquet Beer Eastwood.
Of course, because my old.
monkey friend loved drinking Coors
banquet beer you see
so you're actually named after
a monkey's favorite drink
how about that boy? Okay
it's Coors and Cly
so you'll be CC Eastwood
that's your name from here
on out we should say that
this kid playing Miller time
here is Mason Tames from the
Black Phone movies and
oh he's on for all
mankind and some other stuff
well then we should say in the phone and the
car.
How to Train to Dragon live action movie.
Oh yeah, I'll never watch that.
His phone goes off and it's not
the grabber, but it's actually
his girlfriend.
Oh, yes, in the car, yeah.
Shelby? My girlfriend, Shelby.
Yeah, well, it's a rodeo town.
And, you know, basically that's kind of a big deal
there. He covers it and he's like,
oh, I'm getting a, I hitched a ride
back to town. Just some dude.
He very pointedly is like, I'm not
in the car with the
this girl Clara here.
We get a little bit of Clancy Brown when she's trying to get out of there.
And he's like, you want to hear some embarrassing stories about my grandson?
Like this one time, he shit his pants in the grocery store.
And this guy's like, oh, will you curl up and die already?
That's awesome.
Do you want another one?
Okay.
He shit his pants in the car.
Do you want another one?
He shit his pants at a restaurant.
I got one more.
He shit his pants on an aeroplane and a train as well.
And all, a couple of automobiles.
I got some fun, I got some funny stories about me.
One time I killed Ramirez in a Scottish Highland Castle.
All right, grandpa.
Okay.
I won the prize.
Sure.
This is how I'm spending eternity is on this porch.
We're trying to get him to stop drinking the rum.
We're trying to keep him away.
Here's another story that happened to me one time.
I was living with a.
lady and she was the mother
to this little fat kid that I love terrorizing. And then
one day I died in a motorcycle accident.
The fat kid and his weird friend buried me in a pet cemetery.
Oh my God. You did paperwork at a hospital.
Grandpa, shut up.
You know, I also at one point
did arbitrate something between
John Wick and other people.
So she's trying to get out of there, right?
And then she's like, oh, you know, maybe next time I'll come by hear more embarrassing stories and get a pineapple pepperoni pizza.
And then, of course, he's got to be like pineapple on pizza.
We got to stop litigating this.
We have to stop.
It's over.
It's delicious.
It's done.
I don't even care.
I don't even like it, but I don't give a shit.
I like it once in a while, you know, it's good.
You know, one time when I was in Hawaii, on the side of the road in the jungle, they were making it.
And you could buy and I bought a.
pineapple
colbasa pizza
which now we're talking
fuck that ham crap
and they packaged it
instead of a box
in a banana leaf
oh in banana leaf packaging
oh okay
very nice
it was delicious
I'm assuming
by the way
it was incredible
yeah of course it was
it's a hack writer thing
to be like
isn't there something
people talk about
like no no one's talked
about it fucking 10 years
also and the
and no more
deep dip shit either
just shut up
and we're from New York
so shut the fuck up
up about pizza everyone
But the thing about pineapple on pizza and why that's the new joke is because finally someone, like,
there was a decree from a fucking world government that was like, you can no longer make anchovies on pizza jokes.
Yes.
It's going on for fucking 30 years and it has to stop.
Move on to something else.
That's what a lot of writers I feel like are doing these days is like, well, why don't I go onto Blue Sky or Twitter or whatever and look at, what are my dumbest friends arguing about?
Oh, they're still on this pineapple.
on people. You know what? That's real America
right there. Let me get that in here. Tapity tap
it tap it. Oh, pineapple.
We made it. Thank you, Chris. Social media was a mistake because all
it is is we should be fascist or you're doing
pizza wrong. And first of all, shut up to both of those.
Or it's, hey, this guy is following me now because we just met and he thinks
I'm hot. But now he won't because his stupid fucking girlfriend,
Shelby pitched a fit. This is a quick follow, man.
Here's what's going on.
She gives him the follow before she's even down the driveway.
She ain't even sitting in the car yet.
She gives this follow.
A quick follow that's a little uncool there, Clara.
But you know, I have a theory about why Miller Adams here, this kid follows and unfollows.
And he's topsy-turvy with the social media because it was an accidental follow to begin with because he was jerking off.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
He was jerking off.
And he's like, uh-oh, now she'll know.
I've been looking at these pictures
and that post nut shame
follows quickly
you know you got to watch
that the slippery fingers
on those vacation picks dude you really got to watch
them it's true it's like holy shit
I posted that picture nine months ago
what's that guy doing
so we go back to this birthday
dinner and while
the adults are in the kitchen there Clara calls
Aunt Jenny and we
you know it's clear from the jump that Aunt Jenny
you know and her
have this nice relationship. She can talk to her in a way
that she doesn't talk with her mother, yada, yada, yada.
But it is such a breach of trust.
This fucking Aunt Jenny puts this on speakerphone
right in front of the mother. And Clara is like,
by the way, I'm not on speakerphone, right? And she's like,
no.
Allowing Allison Williams to hear all the shit, which like, it's not actually
terrible, right? The only thing that she says that's kind of bad is like,
don't tell mom, you know how she gets. To which, like,
the response should be some sort of like,
devastated is a little much
but like oh man that i can't believe that
Alison Williams' response in this moment is like
ha ha ha ha ha ha
yeah no I do act fucking crazy i guess
you gotta pull down you know the
the hurt and the shame need to be pulled down
they got you got to you know
stamp it on down there dude like a filled garbage can
well these are emotions it's not really
her strong suit
yeah that's true she should have played Megan
that's a good point
uh also
another thing that happens here
is like you can't date
someone whose father is a felon
I guess his father they knew in high school
He's a drug dealer Eric
It's the 19 like it's was this written by like
The sons of John Lithgow and footloose
Like what's what?
Why do you give a shit?
I don't know why you would care
It's like oh Miller whatever the fuck
His father's Heath whatever the fuck
Oh yeah
Oh wasn't that guy slinging back in the day
Didn't you buy from him one time?
What are you telling me?
They're also fucking satisfied with themselves.
Exactly.
And don't act like Scott Eastwood and Allison Williams
were buying heroin from this guy or something.
Like this was like home.
You bought weed, which is now legal everywhere,
except for I guess wherever this takes place probably.
You bought fucking bad weed.
Yeah, this is North Carolina.
I'm sure they're not doing it.
I'm sure you get the death penalty down there still.
This is what you do.
when your ex-drug dealer
friends you on Facebook
you accept it
and you just sort of let it go
you know what I mean
you're not really friends
but you're also not not friends either
but be polite
you got to precise people from New York
City have to tell you to be polite
that's crazy
I mean well you got to remember
Alson Williams is in
I mean as at this moment
at least all these people
are in sham relationship
these are all fake things
and they are all feeling the fucking
pressure, man. You can see it in their goddamn eyes, the way they talk. It's all over the
fucking face. And when Scott Eastwood is getting ready to leave this fucking house the morning of,
you can tell he just wants to get the fuck out of there. He's like, oh man, thank you. Oh,
the coffee's done. Thank fucking Jesus. Oh, man, I am out the door. Are we out, are we ready?
Come on. Let's go. Get the car out of the way. Get the car out of the way. He's ready to lay on the
horn to get her to move this car out of the driveway. Because we come to find out, Chris,
they're like this is he tells
Allison William like Allison Williams
that don't wait for dinner
because I've got this staff
meeting turns out he was going to
go fuck her sister all night long
so he's trying to get out of there
get through work real quick
and then fuck the sister all day long
yeah which is interesting
well because that's the thing so like
it is one thing it's it's
you know whatever monogamy but
fucking your wife's sister
is pretty fucking bad you know
what I mean. It's pretty low, dude.
And like you, if it's at a fucking
one pool party that went a little too
far, but to serial
serially fuck your wife's sister
and have a child with her,
for 15 years.
Yes. For 15 years, yeah, crazy. And it's very risky,
okay? How do you broach that? Who broached it? I really
wish they read some of those love letters
so I could get some context. I wanted, I definitely
wanted to have a love letter. Please. Just
like one or two, like start at the beginning. And
And then it can be like, I never thought last Thursday it was going to turn into what it did.
And we can maybe see a little bit of that.
Just something.
I could believe when I came over to fix the cable and my hog fell out of my pants that you would be so receptive to it.
I love you.
Well, that's, you know what, Eric, I think it's exactly, I think you touched on it.
The fact that we don't really see who is the person who touches this off, it gets this thing started.
They do not want to risk you thinking that like normal people.
who have normal emotions could get into a situation like that.
Yeah.
Like they don't want,
they don't want any messy feelings.
They want to be able to close the book on them completely when it does.
Like,
well,
they don't want to be like,
here's the,
what,
here's your reading,
you know,
these love letters,
you're like,
oh,
these people actually,
I guess,
cared for each other in some way.
Oh,
that's messed up.
That makes me feel a weird way.
Well,
that's,
you know,
that's a good,
that's good.
That's what you should be feeling.
It'd be nice to have complicated feelings instead.
They're just like,
well,
they're dead and buried,
So fuck it.
And they fucking suck.
You're right.
This is a big messy situation.
It's a high drama kind of a deal, right?
There's like three tears shed in this entire movie, which is like kind of insane when we're burying two people.
Mostly from joy.
Those tears you're talking about.
Like I think one or two of them maybe are sad, but a lot of them are joyful.
Well, one of the sad ones, Chris, is when she goes to McKenna Grace goes to the movies and then, you know,
Miller Adams is working there
and she's got a little smear
from crying because her fucking father
and aunt are dead and he just
sticks his grody nasty paw on her
face. He's like, let me get that
for you.
Disgusting. I want
Eric's voice does not exactly
mirror the look
of this man. I just want
that on paper real quick. The look at me?
Because this guy, no, the voice
you did. When I see
this guy, I'm not
weird the race.
I'm sorry, but when a
when a stinky fingee comes out
to rub a face, you go
full bad, bad, bad. In my
you got to watch her to golem.
Yeah, basically like
Allison Williams, this is something that goes nowhere.
Like they have a little thing where
like Allison Williams is too predictable.
Her and McKenna Grace, they have like a vision
board of some kind. Oh, this vision board
donkey shit. Get out of here.
Come on. The next morning she doesn't make
breakfast. She's like, well, I guess I'm not
predictable.
Run acting EXE.
But you're hungry.
How about you enjoy a delicious pop tart instead?
And a starry soda.
Here's the thing.
It's stupid because she's like, oh, did you predict that I would feed my child?
Is basically the thing.
Because she says that she's in the vision board scene, she says she's overprotective,
predictable, and dependable.
So then the next morning, what, no fucking pasta?
What I have to fucking Ziti?
No, she's like, oh yeah, you wouldn't predict that I'm, you know, and then she feels, it's kind of funny because she's like, oh shit, I'm basically saying I wasn't going to feed my kid. Here's some Pop-Tarts, which are also a totally fine breakfast, by the way.
But here's the thing. I've never- No, parent needs to be making fucking eggs, bacon and fruit every morning. No, no, not at all.
Who would the world could split a pack of pop tarts for breakfast? Because she gives one of them to her friend Lexi. No way. That is it. That is a sleeve to myself, my friend. That's a, that might be a fat man thought, Stephen.
I don't know about that. We're all guilty of it. I was about to say.
you're not you're not snaring no miller adams
i'm with you steve pop tarts are a fucking it's like it's like given someone else one of
your twicks what are you crazy yeah exactly it's both meant for you
if you want to share pop tarts take another fucking packet of pop tarts serving size two pop tarts
okay yeah if the if the things that servings there's two servings of pop tarts in each little
foil bag. Then I'm getting, you know what, fine.
I'm getting really old because I'm just like ban pop tarts at this point.
You know, that's just pure fucking sugar. It's trash.
Get out of you. Grandpa. So what? It's fun every once in a while. I used to, I used to have
pop tarts when I was a young man and look at me now. So don't do it. I was eating pop tarts
no fucking later than like two weeks ago as a matter of that.
Oh yeah. Well, dude, you know, because the other side of it, dude. Thank you, Chris. What kind?
What flavor? I would even.
You guys blueberry with the frosting?
That's classical.
I think it was a frosted raspberry.
Okay.
First of all, they got to be frosted.
You can't be eaten unfrosted pop-ports.
That's psycho shit.
That's psycho shit right there.
No way.
I don't care for the chocolate ones either.
I mean, to be fair, I have not either had a Pop-Tart in quite some time.
Well, here's the other thing I was going to say, though.
Not only is it a good, like, on-the-go breakfast thing.
It's also really good stoner food.
Well, that too.
That makes you get into the cupboard around 1145.
What do we got it?
It's like someone was buying from Hank Adams, the popular.
Oh, man.
So we can get ahead a little bit after the Pop-Tart incident here.
It doesn't really matter.
But so Clara discovers at school that Miller's girlfriend has broken up with him
because she noticed the Instagram follow and thought that equated to them fucking around.
So they're broken up.
And so what she's doing is texting with Aunt Jenny,
hey Miller and his girlfriend
broke up and before she has warned
her about this like hey if he's
got a girlfriend like you know don't be
doing that and literally like
the last thing she says is like
oh you know you don't want to be the other woman
or whatever trust me and so
she texts you were the other
girl once and then
there's no response and we learn
later that is where the car exit
has happened but I got to say the Shelby
girlfriend here is she in Canada
I feel like she should be at school.
They should get messier.
There's a little drama.
I want to fucking, you know, good fellas.
There is a whore in classroom 14B.
That's what I want.
You know what I mean?
I want Shelby to go nuts.
Come to the home room and start fucking shit up, Shelby.
Exactly.
Throw some desks and whatnot.
Really get into it.
Like McKenick, it'll be great if like McKenick, like, because McKenigra is a very small
person.
If like you get a real bruiser to play Shelby, be like,
who's been fucking with my man?
Exactly.
Oh no, it's the captain of the girls' field hockey team.
Yes, you can hear her coming down the hallway.
Like, it's like, you play it like a Jurassic Park kind of thing.
Her glass of orange juice in the morning is moving or something.
You angry, you angered Shopee, the slasher.
Oh, no.
So Allison Williams is busy babysitting the baby for the day
because she thought that the sister had to be at work.
and so she shows up
she gets the call she shows up at the hospital
Franco shows up at the hospital
and she's like oh my god
I can't believe this happened to Chris and he
has to be like what are you talking about
Jenny was the one in the car accident
and it's like this massive douche chill
like what
so it's it's roadhead right
like we have to be honest
oh do you think she bit the dick off in the crash
oh man that'd be a bad way to go
how else do you flip a car dude
you know like whatever
that they should disclose that like and his penis was found thrown from the vehicle it was severed
we tried to sew it back on we tried it very bad and it just doesn't look right i'm sorry
tried to put it back on before trying to save his life that's why he's dead we know what's important
to this man but eric i think you were about to touch on this doctor yes because i'm telling you
they they walk up to this doctor and the doctor it doesn't even finish turning
Before he says like, I'm sorry, they're dead.
They're dead.
They're dead.
The doctor is just like, they run up and it's like, of course, you know,
both their spouses were in this horrific wreck.
And then the doctor just turns to like a pastor holding the Holy Bible.
That says it all.
I mean, she falls on the floor and you get this tight shot of like her face and the Bible's right there.
This is not the sensitive touch of Noah Wiley's Dr. Robbie over here.
No, no, no.
Yeah, they died.
They both.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry.
I'm eating here, too.
Yeah, they're both dead.
Yeah.
And I guess according to this book I'm holding, they'd be in hell, right?
Oh, geez.
Sorry.
I want to go to lunch hour.
Sorry.
Only one lunch hour you get.
So the news is, hold on one second.
Where, this is them, right?
Yeah, all right.
Them's is dead.
Too many pot tarts.
I mean, I ate both of them.
I'm eating these unfrosted pop tarts like a fucking psycho.
I'm sorry.
Is this sour and vinegar?
I thought you had the, I want the barbecue.
Hey, your kids dating Miller Adams, right?
Is that his father still selling drugs?
I need some.
For the Pop-Tarts, you understand.
That's a cute baby a guy here, sir.
It looks a lot like the guy who just died.
I love that when he drops the baby off and is like,
It smiled like Scott Eastwood.
Yeah.
How does it cost?
His first words were beep, beep, okay?
It's his son.
I just know.
He went froop, froop.
And at this point, by the way, I pause it,
or I turn on the status bar to see what we're working with here.
The inciting incident of this movie takes place 31 minutes into this movie.
everything else that we have talked about
is shit that could have been consolidated
into like 10 minutes
if you're really tried here.
This does not need to be a movie
that is pushing two hours in length.
I agree.
Well, we're a bit at 50 here,
so I just let's be...
We'll skip ahead.
No, no, no.
But we get some fucked up info here.
Franco gets a call from the cop.
Everybody's crying at the house or whatever.
And he's like, oh, so this is weird.
The cop just said that Jenny,
the whole thing
Jenny says previously is she's starting
back at work the day that she dies
it's her last she's maternity leave
is over with she's got to go back to work
the cop tells Franco
that the maternity leave was still on
for another day
so she was not due back at work
a full fuck day that's nice
yeah just laying around dude
well because that's a thing and like
basically I think he goes to her
and they were having an affair
and like a Morgan
Allison Williams is like reacting to it.
And the idea of McKenna Grace is pissed
that she's got to go to two separate funerals.
Are you busy?
Like I don't even think they're not even related.
Of course they wouldn't.
Like you know what I mean?
Do a combo.
Why not?
Same some times.
I know you know them.
But like I don't know.
My mom, her,
his mom and her mom might want separate fucking funeral.
Yes.
I think it's a thing where you're supposed to read that is like
she's being a teenager.
And her point is like, it's more painful to attend two funerals.
Sure.
I also thought about you, though.
How did you not know about this affair?
I mean, Scott Eastwood, the automobile was leaving the house and he clearly attached the plow to the front.
And you know he was going to go do some plowing.
Wait a second.
It's not supposed to snow today.
What's happening?
Here in North Carolina.
Why would that be happening?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
The two funerals.
And then also like fuck Allison Williams for this.
Like, yeah, dude, maybe, maybe this is heavy for McKenna Gray's character and she wants to get out.
You don't have to stay for the whole funeral.
You could grieve any way you want.
At that age, I don't think you can.
I mean, like I would, of course, me, I would be like, yeah, of course, go do whatever you have.
But I think most fucking parents are going to be like, no, where's my fucking kid?
You got to buy my kids.
You can.
You cannot as a teenager ghost your parents' funeral.
I am sorry.
Good thing I did it in my 40s.
Yes.
See, there.
You got,
they got more time.
As always,
dude,
you are an exception to a rule.
Yeah.
I'm an American original,
I think.
I do love when she gets on her phone and texts her dead aunt's cell phone.
It's all my fault.
Oh,
we got to talk about the texting.
It's such a bad move.
You can't do.
the big bubbly
description of
or showing of the text. And then the person
like reads it dead stone
like I am so sorry,
it's my fault. On my way.
OMW on my way.
That's so cool. Yeah. The texting
thing like I do remember like of course
you know when you lose someone big in your
life I remember calling the voicemail
and hearing like this is the last I'm ever
going to hear his voice again type of thing.
So I get that.
But texting ghosts.
No, no, no, no.
No, no. I don't know. I don't know about that.
Just, I mean, I like that they at least get the detail right.
And it goes to green rather than blue because the phone's been turned off.
Yes.
I think that's pretty funny.
But, like, yeah, I like texting on screen, a thing very stylistically hard to nail down.
I think Tarr does it really well.
Yes, it does.
Tar is a decent example.
And I think there's been a couple other ones, but Tarr is the one that really sticks out.
I think tar is better than this movie in most respect.
I agree with that.
You think. Yeah.
Oh, wait, but guys, though.
she was a problematic character.
Oh.
I don't know.
I don't know if you're allowed to like that movie.
She's a problematic character.
No, you got to throw it in the safti garbage.
Or on 12 safeties.
An odd move here, in my opinion, is Miller showing up to the dad's funeral?
Like, it's respectful, but it's also, you're trying to get laid, dude.
You're trying to get laid.
It's a move.
The thing is, is you could have, he is, but he's being too loud about it.
Like you, if you had worn a normal fucking suit,
but this guy's got the fucking jacket,
and he's got like a t-shirt with the V-line down.
And like, he's a slutty shirt.
Yeah, he's incredibly slutty in this moment.
And I-
Fucking bimbo showing up to my fucking father's shoe.
He's kind of dressed like fucking machine gun Kelly, frankly.
A little bit.
He's not junky enough.
He doesn't have the holes in it or anything like that.
But like, he does do that.
And he's clearly trying to get her,
do exactly what she does,
which is go out and take a drive with him.
And they go and she gets stoned.
He does not, of course, the father.
You kind of pulls it, you want to get out of here,
which is a cool thing to do at like a party or like, you know what I mean?
Or at the prom and like, oh, it's dramatic.
We can talk.
Not at someone's father's funeral.
Send a card to show that you care.
And that's how you do that.
But I also, I don't begrudge her for not wanting to be there personally.
Oh, no.
No, no.
No, no.
No, I mean, it's, I think it's totally fine that she acts on her own.
She leaves.
Like, that's your own decision.
her mom getting mad makes sense because that's like a mom thing.
Yeah.
She should talk.
They should talk about it rather than just yelling at each other and getting silly punitive shit.
But that's what parents do now.
And that's how they get most problems get solved without talking about it.
Chris, you bring up an interesting point there because now I'm remembering, right, I forget.
I'm an old man.
I'm a grampy.
I'm in the twilight of my life.
I totally forgot.
Yes, kids today, you're not allowed to be without eye shot of your parents, right?
You're not allowed to be outside.
You're not allowed to do anything.
Anything?
That's a problem.
But yeah, I do love her.
I feel like getting high.
And he's like, oh, yeah, we can figure that out.
And she's like, I've never done it before.
But I just know I feel like getting high.
I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
And also like Miller.
It's the pop cards talking.
Too much, but too much.
Oh, man.
I'm fucking OD on these pop cards, man.
I better smoke some weed.
What she had?
She had, what, she had, she had four maple browns today.
Maple brown.
Really?
That's a lot.
for she's okay we gotta get her to the hospital
but Chris you mentioned it too his line
of like I don't smoke
weed I just have stoner
friends well aren't you fucking
terrific
I thought your dad could sell it to us
yeah
you should smell that this isn't gonna go well
for anybody dude like it's the day
of her dad's funeral it is not the time
to again like she can try to
but you now you're in for a rough ride man
you better do you get this text from your mom
where are you the
funeral is over. Oh, no way. You're just burning a J in this dude's shitty truck. And
Allison Williams, like she does multiple times in this movie is fucking stalking her daughter's
cell phone using the fucking find my phone app. That thing, man, everybody's got to calm the
fuck down with that shit. Like I'm amazed at how many times I hear this now. Like, oh no,
they're just always following me. I'm like, do anything else with your time. Like so it's so
fucked up. God in heaven.
We exist. Like many
of our modern conveniences that are
incredibly invasive and terrifying, we
existed well without it. You know what I mean?
Like, yes. The grabber was going to
get a couple of kids. For sure.
But, you know, still is.
The grabber's getting plenty of kids still.
You're kidding me? The grabbers got fucking
corporations now. Are you serious?
But the grabber wasn't inside
someone's device insisting they kill
themselves. The grabber was getting out there and
doing it himself. The grabber was doing the leg
work.
The gramer was, did two terms
as the U.S. President.
Hey, baby, it's me the grammar.
Hang it up, hanging up, hanging up.
I'm playing the saxophone, McKenna.
Right.
I saw, yeah, in those Epstein photos,
I did see the black phone mask
up on that weird dentist office thing.
Oh, yeah.
What do you think, Hillary,
should up put it on for old time
sake to ask the rock with the mask on?
Here's me, hold a bunch of black balloons,
baby.
Uh-oh. Who's blowing up the black phone now? It's Vince Foster. I can't believe it.
Oh, yeah, yay.
Vince Foster's eyes skating towards me in the middle of the night very eerily, baby.
Allegedly.
Allegedly, sure.
So she pulls up, Alison Williams does, and we got this Clara Wilma Grant.
L-O-L-O, we're laughing at her middle name here.
You need like, I mean, and this is when, again, you want, you want
Alison Williams or an actress in this role
to go full on Lorraine Brocko and Goodfellas.
What the fuck are you doing it?
Your father's funeral.
This is disgusting.
Like that,
but she's just like,
pretty much like exactly how my mother would be acting
if I behaved this way.
She would throw a shoe at me.
She would find a shoe and throw it.
You know, like, oh man, but yes, you know,
you skipped your father's funeral to get high.
And then we got to have this dueling cars joke thing
where mechanic grace tries to get out of the car
but Allison Williams is too close to this kid's truck
so she can't open the door so we're just doing that
I'm supposed to be laughing and then they go home
you know you can by the way you can have deleted scenes
just so you know you absolutely can't
once again this movie did not need to be two hours long
but like then it's just this weird it's this weird
tonal shift through all this where it's like
the fucking father is barely in the ground
and we've got like she's got the munchies
eaten a cookie like a bereavement cookie
that she gets on the point.
And I'm like, what are we doing?
Nobody has respect for the fact that we just buried your car father,
not more than 15 years ago.
I know that heartbreak feels special at a place like this,
but you should be going to AMC theaters right after the funeral.
Amazing.
Yeah.
Because we get to.
Franco calls Allison Williams out because they find,
so here's the question.
So they find a Scotty Switzwood's car at this.
His car has been missing.
They find it at this.
Fuck hotel.
This was a getaway spot that he used to take his wife to, by the way.
Dude, you can't fucking use the same hotel.
What a scumbag.
I do think this is his brother that they find in the parking lot.
Oh, yeah.
The car is his brother, yes.
Yeah, he was a car.
For a second, I thought I was forgetting an entire character.
I was like, what are you talking about?
Scott used to a drives.
It's like, imagine Optimus Prime getting into one of his friends.
Open up for me, Jeff.
So here's the question.
So they show up in two cars to the fuck hotel, clearly, right?
And then they leave to do what?
Were they low on lube and they had to do a lube run?
They would do the Pop Tarts run.
They go in his car to the hotel.
Oh, I see.
Because she beats the shit out of the car, remember.
She gets pissed off about it.
Yes.
Franco goes into the hotel.
The hotel manager is like, there's not a scene, but basically he's like,
Hey, my fucking fiancee was here or whatever.
He's got the bag with all their shit in it.
She pulls out these sexy lingerie and whatnot.
So then she starts physically, like,
beating the shit out of the car and she knocks the muffler off it.
And then you see later she has driven that car home because it's like the shot of her getting home is dragging.
The muffler dragging up the driveway.
She mistook the car for her husband.
I'm confused as to what Willa, Willa, what's her fit?
Willa Fitzgerald and Scott Eastwood were doing.
So if you're having an after.
afternoon Trist, you both show up to the hotel in
separate cars, right? Right. Yeah.
What were they doing in her car? Where were they off?
Going to get hot dogs, dude. Obviously, it's lunchtime.
Remember, the pizza delivery zone is pretty
narrow.
So that's what they were doing. The fucking
good pizza place isn't going to deliver to this hotel.
I want pineapple pizza.
You tell him to, I want some extra butter sauce for the crust, right?
You fucking forgot about the
butter. Can you call them back? I don't want to be a jerk, but
I can't eat pizza without my
We're going to go there.
We're going to pick it up.
We're going to pick up that butter sauce.
Get in the cart.
I wasn't able to put in that I wanted extra peppercini's.
And I was really looking forward to that.
We should say also the start of all this is Franco shows up at the house where Morgan,
it's very important, is wasted watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
Oh, man.
Sure.
And then we go to this hotel where she, you know, is mad and still fucking drunk probably and beats the set of this car.
And then Franco lets her drunk.
drive this car home.
You're going to be seeing your fucking husband soon enough, lady.
It was just wine.
It's fine.
And so long as she's not getting sucked off, she should be okay.
I mean, that's what did her husband do.
Dude, how funny would it be if there just wasn't deleted scene?
He's just getting sucked off.
And then the fucking car bursts into flames.
Oh, no.
I mean, that is a good question.
Exactly how, what happened?
No one said a drunk driver careened into the other lane.
There's nothing.
No explanation.
It must be a suck off.
Hey, if you're hungry for that pizza, we're about to pick up.
I got something for you.
I got some pepperoni sticks.
Yeah, some cream sauce right here.
Oh, maybe that's what they would do.
Little pizza delivery roll play.
Hey, pizza man's here.
Somebody's got to eat it.
Hey, babe.
You know, because we live out in the sticks and we love ranch on pizza.
Check yourself.
My fucking dingus is making, uh, this looks like ranch kind of.
I don't know, sir.
Do I have pizza insurance?
She says that she goes down.
I'll get sexy pizza insurance plate.
What happens if you
poked my pizza? Is there insurance?
Your ranch is so good. I would love
to dip chicken wings in it.
Your ranch is so good. Have you been eating
pineapples on pizza?
Now, McKenna Grace,
don't get so angry at me. I was
just down at the...
I know it smells like I was drinking all night, but I was just
down. I was playing with my old band.
you know the old band and they had some steely dan stuff and they had some you know that old tube
sound we were just playing trying to get that sound and you know me and your your uncle over
there we were just hanging out playing some stuff and like i got home i drove myself that's my i i know
how to drunk drive okay mckenna i know um while this scene is going on it is intercut with
clara going to the movie theater to see miller where he works and yes yes get ready for heartbreak
to feel good in a fucking movie like this because we are spending,
I'm not even kidding, like a fifth of this movie takes place inside an AMC theater's
locale.
It's true.
And this is also the scene where he smudges her face.
Oh, you got some shit on your face.
Let me slowly move it around.
Looks like you were crying, sweetheart.
Yep.
Let me wipe it for you.
She's crying,
I'm sure somebody did at the end of Mission Impossible,
the final reckoning.
I kind of teared up in part of it.
Especially if you were just coming from your dad's fucking funeral, it'll be a little too much, I imagine.
Well, maybe she's crying because she's only seeing the last fucking 40 minutes of that fun movie because he's like, he's like, uh, the best I can do for you is the last fucking 40 minutes of this mission impossible.
And then you've got other guy, like the buddy who works at the movie theater, who later gets set up, like they set up their friends with each other.
And he's got to be like, yeah, it's the latest adventure where Tom Cruise is saving the world for Paramount Pictures.
I was like, bitch, we fucking know
what mission impossible movies are about.
You shut up, kid.
And, you know, she was crying at the end there
because it's the worst one.
Exactly.
It's true.
Two is still worse.
Oh, actually, yeah, you're probably right.
Nah, uh-uh, uh-uh.
So, yeah, the whole,
they drive home or whatever.
And, uh, oh, what is the,
oh, no, that's what is.
She comes out the theater.
She's crying to which this son of a bitch goes,
oh, I didn't know the movie was a tear
Jerker. Dude, you were at the fucking funeral this morning.
She's sad. I didn't know this action movie was a tearjerker. What an asshole.
This kid, a lot of people forget that this young girl just lost her father and her
and is going through a lot. This kid often forgets it in this film. Very often.
Oh, it's wild. It's really wild. So Morgan and Jonah make a pact. They're never going to tell
Clara the truth about what happened
because she worshipped both of them
and it'll devastate her
or whatever. And then
Clara comes home to
Morgan, this is where Alison Williams is like kicking
the door off the hinges,
the swinging kitchen door that she's
hated all these years or whatever.
It's the house that he grew up
in and something also
later in the movie,
you see her vaguely sketching
things like that might be a job
at some point. Oh yeah. Yeah.
Interior design.
What is the financial situation?
Like, is it a big insurance payment?
Like, was this dude loaded?
How are you surviving in America with a dead husband?
You know what I mean?
And no job.
Right.
I imagine it's insurance.
It was my guess.
But then just say it once.
And then she will.
I mean, but Steve, come on.
She's going to fall into a great interior design job.
Right.
I mean, when she's ready, of course.
Like, she's got to be ready.
Well, she sure can draw, I don't know, fucking cabinets.
So there you go.
know what it is? You know what it is? Here's what it is. It is how
in that first Ninja Turtles movie, April O'Neill is sketching all them turtles at the
farmhouse, but she's really like a TV reporter and like, this is just a hobby. This is like
Allison Williams' hobby slash like it's the thing. It's the desire that she buried because
she got knocked up and married a car. Yeah. So that's they sort of allude to like passion.
Because she's, Clara later in the movie is like, didn't you ever have any dreams? Didn't you
give a shit about your life at all? Just to be like, yeah, I did. And I found.
fucking gave it all up to have you, you fucking
thankless piece of shit
child of mine. Yep. And then
this is about, like,
Franco shows up. Yeah, Franco just
shoves this baby off and is like, listen.
He just smiled
like Scott Eastwood, it's your
problem now, which.
Nice. Yeah.
It's wild.
And he goes, she goes,
you're not, you're just,
so you're just going to dump your son on me?
And he goes, not my son and
peels out of this driveway, dude.
And we kick into, I have to say, I dig on the original song quite a bit.
This cover of third eye blinds, how's it going to be?
Not too bad.
Oh, the sad one.
Not too bad.
Yeah, it's all right.
But this is, it's kind of a funny shot here.
I do appreciate this.
The song's playing, Alza Williams is in the grocery store.
And the way they frame the shot of like the baby and then a wine bottle on each side of the baby.
She is becoming a wine mom.
She's like, she's graduating the wine mom right here.
Yes.
because remember it was very important before the death.
Yes.
It was always, I'm not drinking.
I don't feel like drinking.
I don't need to be drinking.
And now she's getting them red solo cups out, dude.
She's getting back to party mode.
She's trying to be nice to her dead husband, guys.
He loved her drunk.
That's right.
Oh, yeah.
It's a nice way to remember him.
Tribute.
Yeah, it's a beautiful tribute.
You know, she's going out of the target where she's buying all this and like her hands
starts shaking and just starts going towards a, this is wine country hanging.
poster. Why am I doing this? Why?
Oh, fuck. She's buying all those bullshit things you find at Target with all those platitudes on
it and whatnot. He isn't really gone, Jim, if we're drunk and we remember him, actually.
It's true. Yeah, Jim Boy, like where we say back of the day, live, laugh, rosé, or some
shit, right? It's wide o'clock somewhere, Jim Boy.
We're living on Lake Time now, Jim Boy.
So yeah, Clara
Clara then goes over to Jonas
because Alza Williams
was getting wasted in the middle of the day.
So this girl's like,
all right, I got to clear this up.
There's a weird,
I love a good odd pronunciation
where Clara's like banging on the door
and like Franco's not getting the door at first.
And she goes, I can hear the TV.
Yeah.
Like the emphasis on the T?
Very weird.
And he's just weird to the ear.
Nipple,
nipple long fucking bright eyes shirt at this point, man.
Oh, dude, yeah, these are, it's fucking cutting right through the B and the S, dude.
His nipples are pointing right out of the shirt.
Clara's going to get an eye poked out if he moves too fast.
And he just, you know, she just, you know, reads him the riot act about, you know,
you got to, you got to fucking take care of your own fucking kid.
We got enough going on in our house, honestly.
Exactly.
It's a real, like, how about you go get your son?
Yeah, don't you, come on, don't you have a mother?
Isn't she supposed to take care of all your fucking, all the problems you have?
And that's where he does go.
Like, he just puts the kid with the mother.
Dude, he's got to keep leaving the baby with his mother so he can keep going back to Allison Williams' house and do stuff that doesn't involve taking care of the kid.
Also, because otherwise, if he's left with this kid too long and he just keeps on seeing the car flashing its headlights in his eyes, then he's going to throw this baby off a bridge.
He's going to do it.
You can read it.
It's those looks he does.
He's a weird fella.
I'm telling you, you let it.
He's a wily little freak, dude.
Yeah, it's fucked up.
The mom is like, no, I'll take the kid again.
You can, you know, I guess.
go after your crush.
That's great.
No, get him, dear.
I'll just be here.
Missing your father.
Oh, look.
Oh, honey, you know, you should come here.
He grew, it's so, it's adorable.
His first rear-view mirror.
It's right here.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, he shifted gears all by himself.
Look at that.
She actually does use a little bit of bribery here.
She's like, oh, the baby rolled over yesterday.
And he's like, oh, my God, he did?
And she's like, no, but he might soon.
and you might miss it. Go get your fucking baby.
Dumbass. Also, I will clean
your shitty house for $50.
Yes. I would be, it would be so tempting, right?
Just to throw it in this kid's face, right?
Like, that kid is your brother.
Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, dude.
He wanted to. You clearly wanted to.
Oh, yeah. I wish there was a little bit
of confirmation on that. I mean,
it's kind of nice in the sense that, like,
Franco, again,
this conflict is wrapped up in two minutes.
He literally goes back after getting yelled at by a teenager
and takes the baby.
apologizes. So it is kind of nice
that there's no like the test results are in
or like he does decide to
unconditionally. Apparently in the book
you do know that it is actually
Chris's kid.
Ooh, interesting. She only
fucked Dave Franco to kind of like throw
you know, throw some dirt on the trail there.
You know what I mean? Fucked him. Oh, so she
really sucked. Yes, yeah, exactly.
That's that's kind of a very
different picture of much different.
That's interesting. I honestly
kind of better this way, frankly.
That's crazy. That's like sexual espionage. That's something else.
Well, anytime someone tells you you don't need a condom, your eyebrow has to go way up.
Unless you're in a committed relationship and you know it's right.
You've had this conversation a couple of times.
It's a little like, wait a second, hold on.
Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, there's some, what is the fucking, the argument he makes in Marty Supreme where he's, it's not mine. I pull out.
Does your husband pull out?
Which of course always makes me think of the line in the great dirty work by Jack Warden.
Back in my day, we didn't have all these advanced birth control methods.
Like pulling out.
Fucking great line.
God damn, that's a great movie.
So yeah, Franco comes back, apologizes, takes the baby, whatever, it's all totally fine.
Clara later is at a coffee shop.
And again, this dude, Psycho City, he texts her and is just like, hey, want to hang out?
She's like, yeah, I'm getting coffee shop.
I'm getting coffee at this coffee shop or whatever
Yeah, let's meet up
And then like he's right there already
Yeah
How do you know she's there dude?
You don't have to find my phone app
You're fucking driving around town looking for
Yeah
Well that's a famous thing in the movies
It's different when you like them
Yeah
When you like when it's a cute boy
That you actually have feelings for
Yeah
It doesn't really matter
He stalks you that's good actually
That's on the good book
Uh but so their their date involves
Moving this sign a little farther down the road
We do have a line that also speaking of the Ninja Turtles
is kind of like perfect for them, right?
So I'll say the line like a Ninja Turtle, right?
Well, you know, the things we do for love of pizza.
Yeah.
That is what we're talking about here.
That's what he says.
It's pretty ridiculous.
But we go back to the farmhouse here.
We're feeding these cute goats, which is nice.
He lets it slip that Gramps, Clancy Brown,
is suffering from cancer.
he's starting some treatment, which is throwing
this kid's whole
possibility of going to film school,
possibly out the window.
You know, he's Gramps is the only parent I ever had.
My mom died when I was little and my dad,
well, your parents told you all about my dad,
so I don't have to rehash that.
You know, it's nice to see that Josh Boone is growing
as a storyteller because the first time we saw him,
you know, out here, the girlfriend, the love of the life,
she had the cancer.
Now it's just poor Gramps.
He's supposed to have the can.
He's at the age when you know,
supposed to have the cancer at the very least.
It's a more normal little way of being,
even though you've got this random
hearts, like that's what I forgot
that random hearts exists.
And then also when I watched this movie, I'm like, I've seen
something like this has happened before. What a Harrison
Ford movie? Yeah. It's a Ford literally
what happens is Kristen Scott Thomas
and him, like they're
they were on a plane together.
They were on like some sex vacation together
and they died together and they find out
like they find out. Yeah, it's like
what they were doing. Yeah, exactly.
So Harrison Ford's not the main character of that movie?
No, it's him and Chris and Scott Thomas are together.
They are finding out like what happened.
They die together?
They're partners.
Yeah.
They are like Allison Williams and Dave Franco.
Wait, he gives her cancer from him.
Yes, that's what I said.
Okay.
Yeah, my grandfather said he got cancer.
I mean, he said he got it fighting in a bug war on outer space, but I just don't think that's true.
I think he's losing it.
I do think he's losing it.
he said he busted down to private
when that war
just went off. I don't believe that shit either.
Is he in that movie? I haven't seen that in ages.
Yeah, he's in that. He's the guy
who beats the motherbug at the end.
Like he literally tells him
to bust him down to private because
he wants to shoot more bugs.
Oh, I saw it once on VHS, man.
I've never been back.
Well, I'm from Buenos Aires and I say kill him all.
I,
you know what? Because he's passed
I think the new crown
I'm going to move it of the
Now We're Talking moves from
Because he's gone David Warner
The Clancy Brown
He's he's currently holding it currently
What a beautiful move
That's a beautiful move
Yeah honestly no I appreciate that
Because now we're talking Clancy Brown
It's it's either live action shit
Or in voiceover he does so much stuff
With a lot of like the DC animated world
And whatever that like
Yeah dude it isn't now we're talking Clancy Brown
He fucking adds to everything
Like I rated this movie one and a half star
and one of those is for Clancy Brown altogether.
Yeah, he shows up in The Penguin.
He's fucking great on that.
Yeah.
I was like, now we're talking the Penguin.
Look at this.
Clancy Brown.
Franco comes over for coffee.
He's always coming over for coffee in this movie.
There's like nine different scenes where he's just coming over for coffee.
Would you like Jolly Ranchers?
I'm attracted to you.
This is where he says that,
because he spies one of these little drawings that she's got going here.
And he reminds her that he used to sit behind her in school watching her doodle.
And she says something about like, oh, yeah, you were probably thinking about all the girls you wanted or whatever it is.
And he goes, trust me, I was never thinking of anyone else.
And it is like, doosh chill.
It's psychotic.
Doodle is what I called your ass, by the way.
Look at that.
She's got a doodle on her.
The hell of a doodle.
Like movies and books would have you believe lifelong crushes are these.
beautiful things to be celebrated.
They're creepy. They're creepy as hell.
A crush about like, oh,
you know, in high school I had a crush
on this girl and blah, blah, blah. And like, occasionally,
like, oh, yeah, she's attractive. I had a crush. I had
a crush on her.
Is the way you have to refer to it.
Right. She's my one true love from
forever ago. I love her so much.
You can't be talking about a crush
that you had
before you had a driver's license.
And now you're a fucking grown-ass man.
You can't help you.
I don't even know
this cuts to a scene because he's like
Oh you know
Listened to old musical
Bring you right back to the old days
Right?
They put on some
Oh,
Oh dude
I missed it
It's a stereo
It's actually a good song
Do you remember when we scissored
Do you remember that
When we scissored in the pool together
It was so wonderful
Well that's the thing
They scissor
And then she's like
I guess he had a crush on me
I'm like you fucking
You got the second base with this kid
Dude you could feel his penis
getting hard through the bathing suit.
There's no way around it.
Oh, geez, you liked me? I had no idea.
Oh, that was your dick.
I thought he was trying to get some leaves with that.
He was cleaning the pool, no.
Thought that was just a fucking pool noodle.
They're in the pool, like, kind of playing around.
And they literally genital to genital scissor each other for like.
Yeah.
It's actually pretty hot.
It's the hottest part of the movie.
And then what, Scott Eastwood comes by and they're like,
oh, we have to hide underwater a question.
Scott Eastwood and the sister come in
and Scott Eastwood's like
six bags, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. Awesome.
And then I think she goes underwater to just fucking drown
herself because she's so mortified in that moment, you see.
Are you sizzled my girlfriend, bro?
Yo, bro, why does this pool taste like my girlfriend,
if you know what I'm saying?
Yo, I scissors your girlfriend, bro.
Let's talk about it.
I scissors your girlfriend.
I scissors up.
my noodle goes across the pool
this way
and it noodles her
oh man
there's also
right before that is a
quick scene where it's a big
sort of Miller and Clara scene
and again it's not the fucking hotline
you think it is dude where he's like
actually Clara you weren't the backup
to my girlfriend. She was the backup plan to you. I've not been able to stop thinking about you since whatever.
They admit that they've had things for each other for a long time and then we just start making out in this parking lot.
And it's this fucking weird like, oh, so that's our first kiss. It was pretty good. And she's like, how did you think our first kiss was going to be?
And he's, it's fucking tongue patrol. Dude, look out.
Good song alert. This is from, this track is from the album Connor Oberst and,
Phoebe Bridges put out better oblivion
community center? Yes. Good album
That's a great year. Good album, yeah.
But yes, it is the weird
Yeah, sometimes I just time travel through
music. And this flashback also like
Them trying to make them look like high school kids
It's so bad. It's hilarious. It is so funny.
You could just, you could have the movie without it.
Like, or higher younger actors just have them be them.
It's fine. You can find some
some nubile lookalikes, you know?
It's possible.
You know what?
No, that's the, here's your issue right there.
If you get younger actors, you are running the risk.
They might be much better than the rest of these.
Yeah.
You get some unknowns in here who have really something to prove in these scenes.
I don't know, man.
I mean, you got to, I mean, chances are the girl would be better than Alston.
I would have to be.
You don't want to embarrass her father by getting another actress in here.
Oh, her father embarrasses himself.
I was going to say, pretty embarrassing, man.
Totally fine. So the line that he has, by the way, so yeah, they start scissoring in this
school, this figure four leglock we got going on. And he says to her, I'm worried we got it wrong.
She knows exactly what he means, but then it's beer o'clock. Here comes. Scotties.
How sad is this, right? It's just like, damn, dude, you know how we're turning 18 tomorrow?
Well, we got it wrong. We have to marry the first person in high school.
Yeah, exactly. I have to psychotically date your sister, because.
she smells enough like you.
Like it's fucking weird, dude.
Yeah, yeah, because
you use the same laundry detergent, so it's
fine. Oh, you have the same
nose. You have the same nose.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Here is one of those situations.
It's rare I know where lifetime
would have gotten this right and would have made
Dave Franco more of a creep. A hundred percent.
They would just know this more. They would
understand the morals of this and be like, no,
that guy's weirdo. He's been fucking in love
with this lady for 15 years.
Exactly.
This should end with her shooting him in the head or something.
Yes.
And if it was lifetime, the movie would not be called regretting you.
It would be called the wrong cuck.
Yes.
And now we're fucking cooking with gas, all right?
Now we got something.
And so the funny thing with this movie is once everything settles into like
Clara and Miller doing their thing and Morgan and Jonah doing their thing,
it's two movies that are uninterested with connecting with one and another.
And the only thing that the script knows that it can do in this kind of situation is just have like little filler scenes before you can get back to bigger scenes.
So like we have that scene where it's the flashback and blah, blah, blah, and then Clara breaks it up and it's awkward.
There's just a quick scene of Clara at school.
They're doing a play rehearsal.
And this is like the friend of hers.
They're trying to set her up with the AV nerd that also works.
I think it's the same kid that works at the movie theater.
Ephron and Lexi.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I shipped them.
and it's just this like oh maybe they could get together what the a v nerd i don't know and then it
just cuts back to franco coming back to the house because the baby's got a cold the amount of shots of
fucking dave franco walking through the front door of this house there's like 15 different scenes
where this happens i mean then let's just go right into another one where they find uh he he goes there
to help remove the cabinet tree in the toolbox he finds the love letters that we're not going to
investigate but they decide to trash this painting
that Jenny got Chris
because you don't know Chris
like I know Chris apparently
She said it.
Morgan told her
Jenny told Morgan to buy it.
Yeah.
You don't know your husband like I do.
Okay.
I thought she was joking.
This is really traumatic.
And I mean, again, like,
this would devastate.
You would be like,
not only have you lost your sister and you're,
like,
there's just levels of emotion
we're just not getting anywhere near this.
no it just it's it's it's it whizzes right past it like you should do with every hitchhiker you see
but so here's the this is a weird one this is a weird one and it's not long enough so i couldn't do
a uh shazam for it but franco is like oh you got beef with that painting i have an idea
and they're throwing eggs at it and like destroying it or whatever too did you guys notice this
there's just a cue of swing music for some reason.
For what? What are you fucking talking about?
Listen, Jenna and Chris always hated swing.
This will really teach them.
We're going to jump-time and wail on this painting.
So what we're going to do?
Yeah, that I squirrel nut zippered up his body bag.
That fucking dead son of a bitch.
Oh, man.
So then, you know, here we go.
So now the other, the other move.
has to, they don't kiss right here, the other movie has to take over. And so we are back to
AMC theaters. We got a private screening of, you guessed it, the Paramount-owned Clueless.
Sure. Yep, pretty good. And so it is a thing that I, I was in that business for a long time
close to, over two decades. There was no moment ever where the theater had to close for 48 hours
because they were cleaning the floor. This isn't a real.
thing. If you have major cleans
like that, they come in overnights
and do that shit. If it's painting, maintenance,
whatever, it is overnights. You do
not close a movie theater, a fucking
AMC multiplex for 48
hours to clean the floor. And even if you
were, these little scumfucks
aren't getting the run of the theater to just
play shit on their own. Yeah, they're cleaning the
theater. They've got to clean the come off because this girl's
jacking this dude off to Clueless. Yep.
And also, absolutely. Unforgiving
too, because it's like, don't show me a better
movie in your movie. I would rather be watching Clueless now while I'm jerking off Miller Adams.
Share, what are you wearing? Also, Clara, what are you doing? Hold on. What's going on?
Why am I talking to the audience? Clara, is that his wrench dressing all over the... They were just cleaning the floors.
Shut up, Dan Hadea. I don't even know how you're talking to me through the screens.
I got to get rid of this golden ticket. I got fucking... I played Nixon once.
but so this is
it's uh what's going on here oh this is we get more of the jolly ranchers thing
it actually he loves the jolly ranchers but he knew you see
that the watermelons were her favorite and that
drops these panties so romantic this is this feels
just like the in high school yeah sure okay he saves the candies
for you but this is what a stunted relationship this is
yeah i'm curious uh is this
the clueless seat, is that what she says she's a virgin
and she wants to fuck on prom night?
Yes. Oh, yeah. That's it.
Well, he, because my favorite exchange of this movie,
I think Mason Tames is fine in the grabber movies.
You know, he's a pretty good kid actor.
I really hope you're about to point out the line.
I'm hoping you're pointing out.
Which she goes, I'm a virginia.
I've got a cure for that.
It's a meat sword.
Oh, my.
a four and a half inch cure for that
sweetheart. Yeah, you need
one round of a hot beef injection.
Gonna rock your world for two minutes.
Yeah, two pumps.
Oh my God.
But thankfully,
it's not that kind of movie.
He is like totally fine with it.
He's like, if that's what you want, that's great.
Dumb line, though,
I'm having a wonderful time not having sex with you.
Yeah.
But yeah, the agreement is made.
Handtops are good.
Hand chops are nice.
Yeah, you didn't specify nothing about that.
You know, the movie's still got like 45 minutes.
Ephraun, I think, is still cleaning the floor.
He's not going to bother us.
It's all right.
Ephra, into it.
But Franco, while that is all happening, he's at the house.
And he also, it's this whole she lays into him about, like, leaving this, that, and the other thing.
And he's like, my biggest regret is not telling you how I felt.
I left because of you, one of those lines thrown out.
I'm sure that makes her feel real good about herself.
and Franco in this moment is trying to say
because he's trying to make the move here
it doesn't happen right here but he's like
you know whatever
like oh their betrayal shouldn't dictate
the rest of your life Morgan like yeah
I know where you're going with this too
yeah we all see what's going on
there so Allison Williams
decides you're right these deaths
shouldn't dictate how she lives her life
montage of her remodeling
this house some more
Clara is like waiting on college
acceptance I think you do see she gets a thing that
says she was accepted to this drama program
or whatever. Yeah, like she's doing
some big cabinet restructure
and it breaks and Clara's like, get me
out of here. Yeah.
And we see these dudes.
They see the Friday the 13th at the
coffee shop, refuge coffee, but it's like
three mentions in this. It must be a local
spot, I guess. It might be, yeah, but yeah, that's right.
They're watching part four another
Paramount title, if you can believe it.
You know, but the Paramount Pictures
is a lot of great movie. They should look into that.
And you know what? Don't worry. Soon they'll own
every movie
in every studio
so yeah
everything will be
paramounts
and then all sorts of fun stuff
can be placed
in regretting you too
yeah
but so there is
one in this
you know
all these like quick scenes
sort of loosely
cut together as montage
they are playing
poker with Gramps
and this one thing
and it's like
oh we don't have any money
blah blah
blah and he's like
yeah but we got air
and this whole thing
about air
got all this air
and he's like
air is worthless
Gramps
yeah you don't
know what you're talking about. Don't worry.
I'll leave that for the last scene of the movie for it
to have no impact on anything whatsoever.
As you're putting your coat on,
I'll give you some crucial information.
Twist.
Williams is sort of
remembering the pool moment and she has this
they don't do a Dolly Zoom, but it would
have been appropriate in this dumb movie to do a
Dolly Zoom when she realized like, oh fuck
when we were scissoring, we fell in love.
Yep.
I guess that was sort of a sexual maneuver when our pelvuses were pushing against one another.
I don't not pick up on that.
It wasn't dry humping.
It was wet humping.
It was.
And then you get more of like Miller and Clara like making out right here.
Dude in his room where right prominently plays.
Chris Cabin.
Did you see this on the nightstand?
Sydney Lumet's famous making movies book.
I'm sure you're making your way through that while you're fingering your girlfriend.
I'm sure.
and again like this is so insane right so she's like btw tomorrow's my birthday it's not a big deal
and he's like well it's a big deal to me cut to fucking dave franco coming through this door again
and this is the part where they start making out right and then she comes back and she is
absolutely devowed clara mcheneggerie said i mean she just saw mommy kissing santa claus
basically you fuck she wishes it was santa claus dude what are you kidding me
I will say McKenna Grace outacts Allison Williams that have returned in this and she's like,
yeah disgusting.
Dude, it's a really good year disgusting.
It is a fantastic year disgusting.
Think Dorislam.
And here's where I have a huge problem.
So she goes into her room.
She's devowed.
They have their prom sex plan and she's like, hey, Miller, you up?
Well, how about after work you come over here and fuck my brains out?
Bring a condom.
Dude, what the hell?
So, okay, so you see your mom making out with your uncle, right?
and that gets you hot
that's a good
some revenge sex
yeah revenge against two
it's a great question
the two of them I think
boy this will really
turn their face right
I want to feel anything but this
kind of I think that's kind of
where they're aiming for
I'll use that logic to light another
fucking spliff what are we talking about
I'm shocked that you know
so he comes over
there's
he kind of overreacts or something right
like well first of all I want to say they have sex they have like they do but they don't hang on a second
they don't finish show it and they don't allude to it until well after this scene no you're seeing
she does the she does the requisite first time yeah yeah and he's like is this that happens
kind of a deal that yeah yeah it you're not going to see penetration in a in a movie no unfortunately
collian hoover novel yeah Andy Warhol's regretting you somehow didn't make its way to theaters I'm sorry
This kid sneaking through the window pulls a goddamn Cosmo Kramer.
He falls all over the place.
And she's like, my mom's asleep.
I was like, not anymore.
There's a burglary taking place.
So they're kind of boning softly.
And then what you really don't want to have happen midbone, she just starts crying.
Which obviously would happen.
And he's like, you know, he's a good guy stops.
And he's like, what's going on?
Check it in with your partner, as they say.
Sure.
It's a really ill placement of a picture of Scott Eastwood.
And her and Jenny.
It's like weirdly right above her looking at her somehow.
I don't know where this thing is.
Sure hope you're not fucking behind your mom's back like I was.
Well, that's the way of his part.
To Eric's point, she goes like, oh, I was just so upset.
My mom was fooling around with my uncle.
And he's like, so you're doing this to get back at them?
You didn't care about it.
my feelings and I'm like this girl's dad is barely cold.
It seems like an overreaction on his part.
Oh yeah.
It's a huge over.
This kid's a douchebag.
It's a, it's overreaction.
I think it's exactly, it's what a teenager of this kind of guy would do.
Like, I think he just would fuck this thing up.
But then also like, yeah, I mean, it's not even his first time either.
It's not, you know, it's like special for them.
But like, you can just be like, oh, okay.
You know, blah, blah, blah.
Are you just check on her again because again, the dad is barely.
There is a funny line though where she does fuck up though.
I'm sorry.
When she goes, it wasn't personal.
And he's like, exactly.
Yeah, that's, well, but you know.
And this is a guy with, what kind of body count you think he's working with?
He's been through the ringer.
Well, how many girls working at that pizza place?
He's that guy.
Went through that staff.
All these Shelby's.
A lot of Shelby's.
A lot of Shelby's.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
Next morning, of course, wouldn't you know what Morgan walks into the bedroom there and everybody
freaks out because he agrees.
he's like, I'm not going to leave, I'll stay here
till you fall asleep and then I'm going to get out of there.
But wouldn't you know if they both fell asleep for the whole night?
So Allison Williams is fucking freaking out, yelling, blah, blah, blah, that whole thing.
He gets her a snow globe for her birthday.
This weird, like, I'm sure maybe they expand on it a little more in the book,
but just in the movie, it is just she's got a shelf with snow globes, man,
and that is all you're getting.
And this is like a drama, the drama masks is a snow globe.
So it's like doubly personal.
She's like, oh, it's perfect.
You know.
Yeah.
You're a weird hobby and the thing you want to do with the rest of your life coming together, yes.
And also like uncle fucking whatever.
Uncle Dave Franco can come to this girl's birthday.
Uncle Dave Franco needs to take a few days off to your point, Andrew, from walking through that front door.
He's got to leave that door behind for a few days, dude.
He has to you.
Her to you.
Her to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why can't she come over to his?
Well, because she's fucking wasted all the time.
that's why he's going over there.
That's the problem. Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's fair.
So yes, Claire's birthday dinner is just one douchech chill after another.
And I'm sorry, this girl is acting like a fucking petulant child. I know that she is a teenager and is still a child.
But like she's acting like a six-year-old. She's scraping her fucking fork on the plate just to be annoying.
Oh, my God.
It's a child. It's one douche chill after another. Don't you find that to be true?
Don't you find that to be true?
but then like she uses all these this moment to like drop that she got into college as sort of like a weapon
yes yeah well yeah because franco franco i guess wrote a recommendation letter for miller or whatever
and miller trying to like not make this horribly awkward he's like oh uh mrs alison williams
the dinner's really good oh dave franco thanks for writing me that recommendation letter for film
school or whatever. And then
fucking Clara is just like, oh, here's one.
How long have you been boning your dead
friend's wife? Oh, shit.
Nice. Yep.
Bombed up. And then you've
got this, the friend character, Lexi,
who's just at this dinner awkwardly. And
Alison Williams is like, hey,
you know, like, there's a family
crisis happening here. Like, maybe you should go home.
And you've got the joke of like, I'm
staying over, remember? We're going to ride
this shit out together. I was like,
why don't you fucking leave and we'll see you at the
This character is fucking...
I will say this kid is very much
like me as a teenager because she is just like
she's absorbing all the shame
and the power and the pain all around her.
But she knows she's got those two wine
bottles and the bag. She's like,
when is the mom going to sleep? When is the mom going to?
Yeah, you're right. You know what I mean? Like, when is
when is it drinking time?
Gonna do what kids ought to be doing. Going to
cemeteries are getting drunk. Yes. This is what you're supposed to be doing
as a child. But first we have another Miller
Adams overreaction because
Oh, she got into the college of her choice.
So now he's mad because he doesn't know if he got into school yet.
I'm in the waiting list.
He's throwing it in her face.
I'm going to be stuck here in Nowheresville.
Hey, kids, kids, kids, listen up.
You're graduating high school.
You're never going to see.
You're done with this town.
You're done with these townspeople, okay?
You could move on.
You shouldn't be, fuck them, sure, whatever.
Have fun.
But you can't be getting into a serious relationship.
when you're both moving to different cities
or states, presumably?
No, they are trying to go to the same school.
What school is that?
I think it's a fake school of some time.
It's UNSC, yeah, that's it.
Oh, okay.
So maybe it's real, maybe it's not, I don't know.
But they are trying to go to the same school together.
And I think it's just a thing where he freaks out
because this is the second time in 24 hours
that something she has said
they're sort of like going to work toward together
she has gone and like done differently.
I think it's kind of the idea.
And also he's stuck to take it.
Karen's in the chemo and he's pissed off about that.
Don't be. And also, yeah, okay, go to the same
college, but you kind of can't be like
the married couple freshman year.
Well, that's turkey drop time, dude.
I mean, you're dooming. This relationship is doomed,
I think. Of course. Doom. You're all doomed.
Unless you both work at the fucking rodeo and you never leave the time.
They drink on, and pour one out on
Aunt Jenny's grave. This is slightly disrespectful,
in my opinion, but sure.
Sure. Pour it on my grave. I
want some of that. Could you not pour a fucking
grieve? Can you not puke
on my grave? I'll say don't puke
on my grave. She peopes on the father's
grave, dude. That is truly something.
Do you not pour a fucking
yellow tail on my fucking grave
please, thank you.
Yellow tail charaz.
By the way, we're finding
her at the cemetery using the Find
My Phone stalker app once again,
mom. She's going to be using that in
college to be like, I think that's
the boys dormitory. She's.
Let's drive there and freak the fuck out.
Panny raid.
I should say parent raid.
It's more of a parent raid actually, yes.
So then here's the example of the worst timing anyone's had in this movie.
Next morning, Clara wakes up.
She's fucking hungover.
And it's a wine hangover, ladies and gentlemen, I will tell you that the wine hangover
is the worst in the family of hangovers.
Sure.
And so she's got that going on
And Morgan, the mother is actually very nicely like here, drink this, this, you know, here's what you're going to.
I know you're feeling like shit, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So she knows that her daughter has this wine hangover.
Not exactly the time to break the news about the truth.
No, my God.
My head is splitting enough.
Yep.
Because the whole thing here is Morgan starts freaking out.
And she's like, it's my fault.
I was texting Aunt Jenny.
And Aunt Jenny was looking at the text and that's why she crashed the car.
So I understand in that you want to de-escalate that,
just kind of correct it, whatever, diffuse that.
That's what I meant to say.
But maybe wait till the afternoon, at least.
For that time period, just be like, you know, you can't blame yourself, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Wait till this hangover goes away.
Oh, my God.
Just rip it off like a band-aid here.
No, no, honey, honey, Jenny wasn't driving the car.
She was sucking your father's dick, which distracted him while he.
he was driving.
Jenny was a friend
of car.
How does she know this, Chris?
She had a find my mouth app for Jenny.
Oh, I see.
Those are new.
A nice little back and forth
line right here where
Alice Williams says, I would
never do that to your father and aunt Jenny,
to which Clary goes,
even though they did that to you?
Yeah.
Yeah, that is a conundrum, is it not?
but then we have this
it's this like sweetish moment right
and then we got to break it up by Lexi
farting herself awake on the couch
like oh I'm in the movie
yeah
comedic relief I shit on your couch
I shit on your couch I puke on your grave
these are good movie ideas
I was gonna say
titles
but so boy we gotta go back to
AMC theaters dude because
Clara is all fucking upset and whatnot
and she runs up to this guy who's at work
and he's got his little lollipop in his mouth
and his fucking AMC theater's uniform on
and they just start making out.
Dude, if I'm a Stubbs member,
I'm like, this is absolutely ridiculous.
What am I paying this exorbitant fee for?
Yes, I'm moving quicker in the line
and yes, my popcorn is free, but what the fuck?
Dude, Clara is now a Stubbs member, right?
Miller Adams' little stub came out and put it in there.
Yeah, she could fucking,
and see up to three stubs a week.
I am a proud
Stubbs member and I am not being made out
with. What is it like this?
Why isn't anybody running to me?
Where's my free popcorn and teenage
girl? I'm in the separate line
God damn it.
Oh, so whatever.
Fucking Franco's at home looking at these
pictures crying and whatnot.
He finds himself a watermelon jolly rancher
and he just goes, I always
miss one and starts eating it.
And I was like, how frequently are you eating Jolly Ranchers?
Dude, this is too much sugar.
It's a lot of sugar.
These people are frozen in Amber from high school.
They still eat Jolly Ranchers and Pop Tarts all day long.
It's a bad seed.
And so he realizes in that moment, like, you know what?
Fuck it.
I'm going to go tell her how I feel.
I'm going to go back through that door again, God damn it.
And wouldn't you know it?
He opens the door.
And there she is in the rain.
We did get it wrong.
It should have been us.
they start making out.
Oh yeah.
And he fucking passes her this jolly rancher mouth to mouth.
Not too shabby, dude.
I will say not too shabby.
Nice work.
And then they fuck by like a fireplace and whatnot.
We had that nice shot of them like all canoodled by the fire there.
You know they consummated it.
They do Alfred Pennyworth fucking because they're burning those letters while they fuck.
That's right.
You don't need to see this, Master Wayne.
Oh, I'm going.
I'm going.
must away the letters the letters
you got to read those I'm sorry
you have to I'm never
burning a letter without reading the content
I'm sorry it just I yeah
I've never had an orgasm like that
and all my dad you and John Cheever
that's what you have to be prepared for if you're always
going to read the letters true
there's nothing wrong with the truth yes I loved him
loved him more than anyone I've ever
loved before so
fucking good uh so
one month later, we're told, and
everybody's relationship is totally fixed
and it's movie night at the house.
Yeah, who cares? Dad's dead.
He's been dead for two months. We're over
it. Hong Kong, honk, over
it. Yeah.
Gives a fuck about that cold meat.
No more stupid decisions.
No, no, no. It's just, you know, free
air, wink, wink, and
short movies, I guess.
Yeah, well, so then, yeah, Clancy Brown
is there, so now everybody's in the
same backyard here. The poor guy.
on oxygen at this point.
No popcorn for me, just ask oxygen, thanks.
This is my movie snack.
They got me the spicy kind.
He's give me some oxygen-flavored soda.
But so, yeah, this whole thing about, you know, the kids like,
hey, so I know I wanted to go to film school,
but it's all right.
I'm taking care of grams and blah, blah, blah.
And he's like, I told you there's money in air.
Yes.
They're like, Gramps, the movie's over with.
What are you talking about?
And something, something.
Gramps and grandma, who's long gone,
back in the day, bought air rights
above buildings in Union Square
in New York City.
And yes, air rights are a thing.
You can buy them and it would prevent people
from developing buildings around
where you own the air, whatever,
unless they have the rights to it.
So Gramps has some of this.
And I have to say, air rights
over buildings in Union Square,
I have a feeling
it's worth more than $500,000.
Much more.
Yeah.
But is it directly over the park?
Because they're never going to develop that.
Or, you know,
if it was like the air rights over like the building where like Warhol's factory used to be
or where like the Barnes & Noble is or something.
It seems ill to find this.
Sure does.
It sure does.
It doesn't really solve the problem because the kid is more like my grandfather who is like
my dad is dying.
I want to be here.
Yeah, so I think it's a be there to take care of him, which then Clancy Brown is like, we can pay for all the assisted caregiving and whatever.
No worry, I'll just die when you're at college.
That's more what the kids worried about.
Don't worry, we'll zoom all the time.
It's fine.
It's the same thing.
I'll die in the arms of a lady that I meet three weeks from now.
It'll be fine.
Don't worry about it.
It will be.
I mean, I think he would come back when things are getting really bad.
It's just he doesn't have to do the day to day is the ice.
and he understands he's a burden
and he's working around it's nice.
That's a Clancy Brown exactly.
He doesn't want his grandson to fucking ruin his life
because he had to take care of him
for the last few months of his and, you know,
air rights is the answer to it all.
Meanwhile, by the way, if any way,
it's like a stinger seed practically.
It is.
It pretty much is.
I thought Sam Jackson was going to come out with the fucking contract.
Here's your air rights, sir.
But this fucking short film he puts on, dude,
you're not going to, if you can go to film school,
but you're not going to do well afterwards,
I'll tell you that much.
this is a terrible film.
It's creepy as fuck.
It's very creepy.
You've been stalking this girl for years.
It's like it's all like the twist.
It's like the Kaiser Soze moment.
It's like if she turns around
and picks me up while I'm moving this sign,
I'm gonna fuck her brains out later.
She might not know it right now,
but I'm plotting.
And then you see him going to like,
there's another segment where they're at,
they're watching a school play of hers.
And Clancy Brown turns,
look at my grandson.
I think he's in love.
Is that your girlfriend?
up there.
Quiet, that's my daughter also up.
Shut, shut up.
My daughter's up there too.
This girl is starring in a production of Our Town
and Clancy Brown is talking in the third row
at the top of his lungs.
Like, she's doing this monologue and he's like,
Yeah, it's your crush up there, isn't it?
Looking pretty good.
You're in love with her.
And you're putting this in your movie?
Here's some cigarettes.
Here's some cigarettes. Take some cigarettes.
There's a bunch of cigarettes.
Shut your fucking mouth.
Yeah, you're mostly right.
The tits are pretty good.
They're not great, but they're fine.
What you say?
You said she was a B plus.
That's pretty good.
He just leaves it all in the fucking movie.
If she turns around, I break up with Shelby and I start plowing her.
Because the idea is it would have been immoral for Miller to start this relationship when he's with Shelby, but he's never in love.
Now we know for sure he was never was in love.
Ridiculous.
Of course.
The more of the funnier thing to come out of this.
and the more substantial thing, I think,
is that Allison Williams is finally like,
you know what, honey,
I don't think you're a moron for wanting to act.
Yes, I know.
You're stupid as shit for wanting to act.
Maybe she couldn't make it to Our Town that night.
Maybe she never saw her act before.
She was a little busy, yeah.
But she says to Miller here, like,
oh, that was an adorable prom video.
And, you know, so then her and Clara have this,
like, little heart to heart,
no more than five feet away from everybody else
who can definitely hear what they're saying here
and they just have this moment.
Oh, that's nice. Did you hear that? That's nice.
Yeah, yeah. I'm only who I am because of you.
You got me this far. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Very nice.
Hey, Miller, is that that girl you have a crush on?
Oh, Graham's loosening it, man.
He doesn't know.
Hey, uh, hey, Miller, uh, the prom invite videos over.
We're watching die hard or what? You told me it was a movie night.
I'm over here for movie night, Miller. I got my oxygen tank.
Die hard on or what?
Hey, Claire, can you share that document with all the numbers for the hospices,
the local...
Gramps, I keep telling you,
Die Hard is not a Paramount movie.
It's 20th century.
I don't even give a shit
if it's like the later ones
that totally suck.
I just need some John McLean right now.
I don't get out of bed
unless it's going in John McLean movies.
Come on.
Oh, man, Miller,
movie night reminds me of
when we used to show
Reed to Hayworth movies
to the prison I was a guard at.
No, grandpa.
No, grandpa.
You're going to show me
an Ethan Hunt picture?
Well, why don't you
hunt me down a John McLean
fucking picture now
and cut this shit.
Oh, bad.
So that's, I mean, that's pretty much
the end of the movie. We do have like a
bullshit post-credit
thing where they finally get the
fucking sign move for
the pizza delivery.
God. Call up ordering pineapple on pizza.
And we don't find out if it worked.
It wouldn't because the guy would be like,
no, dude, my fucking app tells me
that you're out of my delivery zone. I'm
not doing it.
Yep.
Done.
Precisely, man.
It's so fucking stupid.
But that is what the movie decides to end on,
a pineapple on pizza joke.
So you're,
don't worry,
everybody.
We'll have you laughing as you leave the theater.
Oh,
yeah.
Sad leaving the sad car accident movie.
Pitting each other on the back.
Just fucking,
letting it roar.
But shit, man,
that is the end of it.
We'll go around the horn here
for some final thoughts and recommendations.
Chris Cabin.
No,
thank you.
I have,
unbeknownst to me,
aside from the stand,
I have become a Josh Boone
completeness. I've seen all of his movies
somehow. And this really is
this may be the worst of the bunch.
It is hard to
the acting. It cannot be described.
I think McKenna Grace and
Miller time are pretty good.
They're holding their own.
Less is expected of them. They're handling
very like mercurial emotions
pretty well, I think.
The fucking adults, there's no goddamn
reason to explain. Like,
this is so bad. And I was
so shocked to find out like they were just,
nobody was talking about these performances.
It's some of the worst acting I've seen this year. I will say that.
And even Franco, who I think is good in other things,
just doesn't do anything. He just kind of is making these looks
that confuse me half the time and,
and, you know, being kind of a creep.
It doesn't help me with this romantic drama you have me watching here, fellow.
You know, whatever, Clancy Brown's. It's nice to see Clancy Brown.
But yeah, I cannot in good conscience tell anybody to watch this.
Eric Siska
Yeah I mean it's not for me
Obviously it's not a recommend
I it's okay to like a movie
You know as much as I I don't like this movie
For various reasons
At least it's you know
About adult relationships
And the fact that it did well in the theaters
Without being you know
Ghostbusters 18 or whatever
Is something
It's not nothing
But I personally did not have
A lot of fun with this
I was watching those piss play videos
On my laptop
During this
I will recommend.
Those, some great acting in that.
Splish, splash, I was taking a bath.
Volume 2.
Steve Saneh.
Yeah, no, it's not for me.
I think, to Chris's point,
I think that the adult performances
really weigh this movie down.
It could have been a cute teen rom-dram deal.
Get from the wrong side of the tracks,
kind of blah, blah, blah.
Play that up.
You know, it's clearly like a star...
Pretty and pink without any of the comedy.
Yeah, like it's a starring vehicle
for Mechanic Grace who's kind of coming on as a
as a young
younger team you know just probably
in her 20s or 19 or whatever you know she's getting into that
phase of her acting career
that's clearly announcing what this is supposed
to be but man Allison Williams
can't do it man she just cannot
do it and I just think it also
it's like it's too heavily laden
with all of the implications
of all these things that are just
just it overweighs it to the point
where you're like well that's not even romantic
it's creepy and sad you know
So yeah, it's a no for me as well.
Yeah, it's a no for me because it's not for me.
You know, if you like these kind of things,
you're a fan of these books and whatnot.
Like, I'm sure you'll dig on it.
Maybe you also like that Blake Lively disaster.
It's based on a book from the same author.
But yeah, you know, I agree.
I think the kids do a better job here.
I was actually kind of stunned watching the movie
how much it is the adults in it.
I really thought they would just be like,
parents the kind of dealing with all that crap off screen and it's just this teen you know romance or whatever but it is not that and i'm sure it functions structurally better in a book because again books can flip-flop storylines i think with a little more ease sometimes than movies can and to me this just really felt like two different things and i'm not kidding you dave franco walks through that door to start 15 different scenes in this movie it's just it's not a fully baked one of these but eric to your point
I am really glad that this was super fucking successful
at the box office.
And I'm glad that that showed there is a market for these things
and by all means keep making them.
They won't always appear on this show.
But, you know, keep making them.
Keep putting those things out there
because these movies are important
for the cinema-going ecosystem,
especially at AMC Theater.
But that is going to do it for this episode
on regretting you.
If you'd like more We Hate Movies, of course,
check out the Patreon.
Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies,
where you can get We Hate Movies episodes
just like this one, completely ad-free.
That's right.
Zero commercials on those bad boys.
And as well as the host, the litany of bonus shows that we have going on.
Chris Cabin, we on Melrose 2 and O, we had a very big episode earlier this month.
God, we've been doing a double, it's a double 902 and O this month.
It was double Melrose placed the month before.
Now we are focusing on commencement.
Donna Summer is indeed graduating.
Donna Martin, not Donna Summer.
Donna Martin.
But, you know, that's only, that's the side to what we all love to do.
Watch clips of other episodes.
And we all love doing that and talking about that.
It was a blast.
You know, it's a great episode.
We really had quite a time putting it all together.
Totally.
A couple weeks back, we also released our We Love Movies episode for this month.
And it was, of course, a film from last year, all about PTAs one battle after another.
We went along on that sucker.
That was a great one.
And then just last week, we had a.
really cool animation damnation drop, Steve Sadek?
We did on the very fun, very hip, very now.
King of the Hill, I wouldn't call it a reboot, I guess it's a continuation.
It's the new season.
They brought it back.
They did the very hip, cool thing of like aging the characters sort of appropriately and like
a lot of good of modern times.
We all had a fun time talking about that.
Talk about Bobby Hill fucking slapping ass there.
And that last week also, we had actually a really cool Gleap Glouclery character, Eric.
Yeah, from a race of people that do not slap ass.
Dorsk 81 is the character.
He's the 81st clone of, I guess,
his great, great, great, way, I shouldn't say great, great, great,
80 times, right?
No, no, no.
It's a lot of fun.
It's a ridiculous new Jedi order character,
so we get into the minutia there.
We have a lot of fun with that one, so check it out.
Absolutely.
And if you're listening to this on the day,
comes out, which is January the 27th.
This week, we got two more awesome ass shows dropping on Thursday.
We got this month's edition of The Nexus, where we're talking about the two-parted redemption,
end of season four into season five.
It'll be a double TNG, NOAA animated series this month.
It's all about Picard and Worf and how they separately get involved in the Klingon Civil War.
Really awesome stuff.
And then on Friday this week, we are dropping our next edition of our quarterly horror, contemporary horror recap show,
Garity Cats, which is indeed available video and audio form.
And this month, it will be all about 28 years later.
Hell yeah, we're still recording this right before the bone temple comes out.
So no thoughts on that.
You're in really good things.
I'm really excited.
Word on the street is good.
But just so, you know, when you go to watch that episode, I don't know if we mentioned
or not, but we had not seen the Bone Temple yet.
But you will be able to get that both in video and audio form.
And also, if you missed it last week, we did do WGM After Dark.
that is for our top tier Patreon supporters.
You can get the replay of our AMA style chat show.
Now, here's what I want to do because, Steve,
I want you to say what the episode is,
but Eric, I want you to tell everybody
because you've been pushing this for a long time,
but next month, this is your baby.
This is your baby, dude.
What are we doing next month on We Hey movies?
This is my McKenna Grace, you guys.
I'm so proud of what this month has become.
February this year, it's going to be White Guy Karate Month.
Wow yeah
Hell yeah
Top to bottom
White Guy Karate
Movies on the
H&L feeds
and Steve
what awesome sounding movie
that I have not seen yet
are we kicking it off with?
It's the hunted
with Christopher Lambert
which I've never seen
Eric what is this one?
I've seen this movie
a ton of times growing up
and I just recently picked up
the Blu-ray
I'm so excited to take it to this
It's actually kind of a good movie
I kind of really enjoy this one
it's about you know
Christopher Lambert is like
I'm a American businessman
in Japan
sounds great so far
he gets mixed up with a lady
who is mixed up with a ninja cult
and yes
he ends up
so he ends up like a casualty of the ninjas
he revitalizes himself
and he goes investigating this ninja phenomenon
in modern Japan a lot of fun
I am so goddamn excited for this
Just that description alone.
I'm so excited.
I think it's available for rent on Amazon and Apple,
but you know, you've got to dig because it's the hunted in 1995.
A lot of movies are called The Hunting.
Yes.
Sure.
So happy hunting.
So there we go.
So until next week,
where Christopher Lambert is getting involved in Ninja Intrigue.
I've been Andrew Jupin.
Steven said that.
Eric Ciska.
Chris Cabin.
Take it easy.
