We Hate Movies - S16 Ep843: Regretting You (2025)

Episode Date: January 27, 2026

“He is such a dirty slut in this movie!” - Eric on Dave Franco’s characterOn this week’s episode, our month of episodes featuring convos about movies we watched in 2025 concludes with a total... banger chat about the romantic drama, Regretting You! Are these the horniest bereaved characters in a major studio production? If your hometown has a local rodeo, does the town charter stipulate you have to get married immediately out of high school? Does Dave Franco really look “mysterious” wearing glasses or is this character just a serial killer? Does Scott Eastwood play a believable party animal? How much money did AMC Theatres have invested in this thing? And we all need to do better by Clancy Brown! PLUS: The Great Pop-Tart Rant of 2026!Regretting You stars Allison Williams, Mckenna Grace, Dave Franco, Mason Thames, Willa Fitzgerald, Scott Eastwood, Sam Morelos, Ethan Costanilla, and Clancy Brown as Gramps; directed by Josh Boone.This episode is sponsored by GhostBed! Right now, our listeners can take an extra 10% off sitewide. Just go to GhostBed.com/whm and use promo code WHM at checkout. That’s GhostBed.com/whm, promo code WHM to get an extra 10% off GhostBed’s already-great prices. Some terms apply; see site for details.Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro. 

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey folks, before we get to today's episode on Regretting You, just wanted to give you a quick tour reminder. February 22nd, boy, oh boy, this is coming up fast, y'all. We're going to be in Los Angeles, California, back of the beautiful Hollywood improv talking Broken Arrow. And then on March the 20th, we are visiting the amazing city of Minneapolis for the first time. We are going to be at the varsity theater, bringing y'all laughs, talking about Conan de Bobia. And I did that dumb voice because it is indeed the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger version. Don't want you to get it twisted and watch the remake. And then just two days later, March the 22nd, we are in Chicago, Illinois, making our debut at the Den Theater.
Starting point is 00:00:35 Very stoked to play The Den, have not played the Den before. And we're going to be talking about an all-timer, folks. That's right. Tom Hanks in Big, you know that's going to get a little blue. Tickets on sale now to all three shows. Head over to our website, WHM Podcast.com. They're going fast, y'all. And also just really quickly, on the 30th of this month, the next Scaredy Cats episode will be dropping. We're talking about 28 years later.
Starting point is 00:00:57 It's a great episode. You are going to want to watch that show on the Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies for Scarity Cats. Episode two dropping January 30th. All right, that's enough for me. Let's talk about this rom-drum-com-drum. It's regretting you. Enjoy.
Starting point is 00:01:13 People chicken. This week on the program, it's kind of like a lifetime movie with a bigger budget and worse acting. It's regretting you. I'm Andrew Juppen. Steve and Sadek. Regretting you. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies.
Starting point is 00:02:03 Hello everyone, welcome to We Hey Movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. That's right. This is the final week of a month filled with us talking about movies we watched last year. And this one, Chris Cabin got this one in Under the Gun. It's regretting you directed by Josh Boone. You may know him from directing Stuck in Love, The Fault in Our Stars, The New Mutants, the Paramount Plus TV, The Stand.
Starting point is 00:02:28 And a bright-eyes music video and then this. Oh, this is what we're working with here. Okay, that's it. The bright-ass music video, thank you. Because at some point, Dave Franco's wearing a slutty bright-eyes t-shirt, all tight. He is, dude. He's like sluddly mourning his dead, dead cheating wife. He is such a dirty slut in this movie.
Starting point is 00:02:47 It's crazy. Even in the classroom. It's kind of crazy. He's wearing these tight, long-sleeve polos. You look like you're trying to pick up a student. the looks of longing and yearning are just like he had to amp it up like times like 10 a thousand a hundred like he's just like mm yeah yeah it looks like when he's supposed to be like fawning over alison williams making all these faces and whatnot it just looks like he's got to
Starting point is 00:03:16 take a shit yeah he doesn't look like he's in love he looks like he's got to take a huge shit i make those exact faces when i have to do any rudimentary math he might be at the fuck he might be going into diabetic shock with all these goddamn Jolly Ranchers everyone suck it on in this movie dude I thought for a second there was going to be a twist where he was a secret alien because the only thing
Starting point is 00:03:37 you see him eat is Jolly Ranchers like he's fucking E-T or some shit with the Reese's pieces you're supposed to be romantic or even nice to me giving me a loose bag like a see-through loose bag of Jolly Renters buy me a new bag asshole everybody can see it
Starting point is 00:03:53 no well that's not the point Come on. Watermelons, right? Oh, watermelon. You can't buy all watermelon. But you should, dude, I bet if you looked at like a fucking candy wholesaler or maybe went to the Jolly Rancher Corporation themselves. Because, like, you can do that with M&M.
Starting point is 00:04:06 So you can buy a specially bag. Yeah, of like all just like one color Eminem. No, I'm not kidding you. It's a totally real thing. The green one? Yeah, dude. You can fuck it. How about this, Eric? You can get the blue one.
Starting point is 00:04:17 You could get all yellows. Yeah. All green if you wanted. Or you could like mix them up, you know? Interesting. Is that right? We'll talk about it later. Giving a girl,
Starting point is 00:04:28 giving, I'm sorry, your girlfriend's your partner's baby mama. Baby mama's sister a bag full of her favorite Jolly Ranchers that you've romantic, that you've thoughtfully picked for weeks. If I did that to my wife's sister, that would be a very
Starting point is 00:04:44 long conversation. Like that's even weirder than getting her a bracelet that says I love you. That whole, that whole relationship itself is just a nightmare. It Beyond, like, I, the, the, the, Alston Williams and the, and car man are like one thing. And that's pretty bad to begin with. But like, the, he has been holding over this emotional affair. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:07 For years and years. Got to give it up to. It was high school. When, when she does, when she does ask him, like, did you ever love Jenny? It does take him a beat, doesn't it? Sure does. Yeah. It's like, I definitely did. She's like, Did you even love my dead sister? And he's like, he turns around. He's like, what? Yo, be right there. Sorry, I got to go.
Starting point is 00:05:29 Whatever you ask me, I'll answer it when I get back. Sure. We'll get into the whole movie. But I do want to, just for new listeners, FYI. I don't remember when it started it. Probably with that Fast and Furious movie that he's in. It had to have been. We decided that Scott Eastwood, the son of legendary actor and director Clint Eastwood,
Starting point is 00:05:47 who is where I know I'm from. It is an actor of his own right. Clint Eastwood's loins. You know it from my balls. But so we had posited on that episode and then thereafter that he is as good of an actor as a car. So he's a car that is an
Starting point is 00:06:05 like he emotes as well as a car would in this scene. And that's that's not saying nothing because I'm going to tell you some cars are pretty exciting. They go up on on the screen. Oh hell yeah, dude. Think of the acting ability of the DeLorean. Hell yeah. My God. I mean, even the talking fucking taxi from Roger Rabbit, a star.
Starting point is 00:06:25 That's where I got to draw the line. No, no, no, no. We're talking about inanimate cars because that thing can talk. Scotty's going to get off my back, Raj. She can't do that. CGI? Are we counting CGI cars? No, no, CGI.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Again, it can't talk. No, but not like the, yeah, not like Owen Wilson. Oh, I'm lightning the queen, man. None of that shit either. If the car has teeth and it's talking, definitely not. He got to start in Grand Torino as the Grand Torino. Yes, because that's a big one. Can you put my son in as the Grand Torino?
Starting point is 00:06:57 Yes, I've made juror number two, and this here, Scotty, he's son number one. Scotty, Scotty's over there. Here are the keys. What's, what you say, boy? That's right. I just might get confusing for new listeners when we keep out of him a car. Honestly, I'm glad that you gave a refresher because in the lead-up to this episode, you know, we've been plugging it and saying like, oh yeah, and it co-stars the greatest car actor, Scott.
Starting point is 00:07:25 And I'm sitting here like, what the fuck were we talking about? I really, I could not remember what the fuck what we were talking about. Probably on one of those Fast and the Furious episodes because he's in one of the early. I think that's the only one that he's in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:38 We covered that and we called him an automobile actor. Yes. An actor who is an automobile. This is like a romantic drama, right? Rom-drum, right? Rom-dram. It's a rom-dram where like, the dead are barely in the ground
Starting point is 00:07:54 and the bereaved are hornier than you can ever imagine. They were asking for it, those dead of how they behaved in life. That's true. They did indeed. But it is just wild how these people are barely buried and the bereaved are ready to fuck.
Starting point is 00:08:11 That's what's so sexy about this movie and this novel is you're stewing with these emotions. You want to put your juice in her. and you can't because society won't allow here right because she's taken you're now going to try to get close to her
Starting point is 00:08:27 by fucking her sister okay but this pent up aggression Chris since the killers we were young were on the church that's 2006 baby wince a little bit of like oh it's it's I'm an older gentleman
Starting point is 00:08:43 now exactly I was like what do you mean that song is like four years old pal dude I kept trying to find or something. Great. I kept trying to find when that fucking record came out and I had to keep going back. It's 2006. In it? Yeah. Yeah. And they're at high school and we were in college.
Starting point is 00:09:01 So we're older than these people. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Totally. That's cool. Yeah. So yeah, if you're a new listener and you're young, bear with us. We are old men. But it is starting with like, yes, there's a radio broadcast you hear and it's just the DJ talking
Starting point is 00:09:18 about some summer rodeo. event that's happening and then it's like, and here's the latest from the killers. And I was like, oh no. It's the latest from the killers. Is this going to be the song of the summer? It's 2006. 2006. Remember, it's 2006.
Starting point is 00:09:34 It's no war in Afghanistan. This song was heavily featured on Guitar Hero. Remember Guitar Hero? It was. And you have a local rodeo, rodeo, rodeo, rodeo. And that means you have to get married in right after high school, high school, high school. It is, I gotta say, we often make fun of like these prologue sequences of like, you know, you don't need these because holy shit is it embarrassing to watch all these very old actors pretend to be in high school. That ship has sailed.
Starting point is 00:10:05 That's insane. It sucks. Alison Williams is what, 50 years old? She's like 38 or something. That's a high school student? As a high school, it's crazy. That's even worse than Anda Zuckerman. She's, so she's four years younger than I am.
Starting point is 00:10:21 Yeah, so she's like 38. Yeah, she's 37, 38. That sounds right. That's going on. And what else we got here? Dave Franco, Dave Franco is a year younger than me. He was born in 1985. Yeah, these are not high school students.
Starting point is 00:10:33 Scott Eastwood came off the factory line in 1986. And Willa Fitzgerald, 1991. At least she's supposed to be a younger sister here and not like the same age as Allison Williams. God damn after my son was assembled in Mexico. We should say that the relationship is, yes, Alison Williams is the older sister of Willa Fitzgerald's character. And it's like this, she says something about I've been raised in her since she was nine or some shit.
Starting point is 00:11:07 And I'm like, they don't really say what happened to the parents, I don't think. I think they just been raising her. Probably in the same exact scenario that this movie is. this happened to their parents. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's generational. And it's, yes, exactly. And Scott Eastwood and Dave Franco
Starting point is 00:11:22 are buddies, even though Scott Eastwood's big party dude and Dave Franco, you understand, he wears glasses. So that makes him not. He's a party dude. More gentle just by the glasses, right? She says something later in the movie at some point. She's just like,
Starting point is 00:11:37 I don't know, you, Alison Williams to Dave Franklin, you're always just so mysterious. With the glasses, I'm like, I don't know, man. That's like 17 to 20%. set of the population. Like, it's not a big deal. Well, remember, there's a local rodeo, rodeo, rodeo, so classes are foreign and weird, weird, weird.
Starting point is 00:11:56 He's not thrilled to be drinking the way that Scott Eastwood, model T4 is, you know, he's... He, like, that's, I think, the whole thing. And it just makes him weird. Like, he's just keep on looking down and looking away from things. And I'm like, is that supposed to be mysterious? No, this is his... playing like shy nerd
Starting point is 00:12:18 and it just doesn't work. His one mode that I think he's very successful at is comedy. I think he's incredibly funny and he's made my he's made me laugh my ass off a ton of times but like you diverge from that too far in any other direction man and you're just kind of getting this. It's like
Starting point is 00:12:34 bad Peter Parker. I think he's good in love lies bleeding but that's also sort of like almost a comedic role in that it kind of almost is. You know what I mean? Like he's just kind of a scumbaggaggag and like it's fucking Tadio-Bry. to comedy that you can kind of forgive it. You're supposed to viscerally enjoy his demise. So, yeah, I'm going to say he's a comedic figure in general.
Starting point is 00:12:54 And I, as a normal guy, he's pretty good. If anybody's seen, uh, Jill Swambert's easy, he's really good. As just a totally normal person. This is not normal. This is, whatever this is. Did anyone see together from last? I did. Yeah, I did.
Starting point is 00:13:11 I did. How is that? I've been circling it. Not a fan. Uh, it's an interesting. idea, very interesting idea, and I think it has certain scenes that work, but as a whole thing, I just, it does not. I think honestly, better as a short. Okay. Well, let me ask you this, though. Is it better than regretting you? Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. Oh, I mean, like, you have to.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Hey, me, come on. We should say, it's okay to like a movie. It's okay to like a novel. You know, we're just going to have fun with the premise here. And Allison Williams steals a pregnancy test and takes a little pee-pee in the bathroom. She kind of uses it like, some people will like, oh, I'm just going to be shopping for all. I'm going to open the bag of chips and eat it, but I'll pay on my way out. It's her walking pregnancy test, you see. I want to see the entire scene where she gets out.
Starting point is 00:13:58 She sees she's pregnant. She takes the test with all the piss on it and flaps it down on the counter for the person to ring up. To scan it, dude. Listen, dude, if you want to watch Piss Play videos, I can help you find Piss Play videos. Well, the thing is, you know, it made me think of Piss Play videos. which I adore. So I've obviously, I had a tab open with that playing the entire time of this movie. Yeah, it's not gritty like that.
Starting point is 00:14:23 It doesn't have, that's, we said love lies bleeding. That's more that tone than this. Yeah. I might have it confused you a bit. So she takes this pregnancy test and then we're like hanging out somewhere and Scott Eastwood, dude. This is like, poor Allison Williams in this moment. Because like, if she's not knocked up by this dude, I think it's a real easy see you later. But he's like, you should have a beer.
Starting point is 00:14:44 she's like, yeah, I don't want to. I don't feel like drinking in these like drunk Morgans, my favorite Morgan. If your fucking partner is like, I only like you, I like you the best when you're wasted, that's a problem. But she tells Dave Franco before she tells fucking Scotty's been about this. Oh, and then like she's like, it's so hilarious. Unintentionally so, but she's like, it's basically like, no, I'm pregnant. And then these fireworks start going off and the title card of the movie is like in the fireworks. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:15:15 You would want them to maybe not make it so fucking, like, smack in your face obvious from the get-go that Dave Franco's in love with her. Yeah. A little, like, if you play the mystery a little bit, instead of just this sad sack shit of like, because the minute you see them together, like, he's clearly making eyes at her. Like, what good is this? If you're not letting me, like, be teased a little bit, maybe, oh, my God, maybe she actually likes fucking Scotty's wood. It's possible, I guess. He's got great headlights. I just don't know what...
Starting point is 00:15:45 Dude's got killer headlights, a killer set of headlines. Good grill, too. Great grill. The... He is a handsome guy. He kind of looks exactly like his father when he was his age, so it's nothing wrong there. The, uh, the firework title sequence for this dark drama. Again, this is a dark drama.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Like, you know what I mean? It's a romantic drama. Oh, excuse me, excuse me. Dark twisted drama. This is twisted, man. It really is. Like it's a little. twist it. Fireworks are for
Starting point is 00:16:15 like the great outdoors. You know, like a John Candy film, you want to have fireworks. So you're saying if a raccoon is going to be subtitled, you can have your title card be surrounded by fireworks. Precisely. Well, you know, you're talking about a John Candy film. This sort of was reminding me of Uncle Bucket away, the way this Allison Williams is constantly
Starting point is 00:16:31 like cock blocking everyone. There's something bumbling about it. The title reveal is also very similar, I think, to how they do it in Evil Dead Rise, which is also a kind of a dark drama. Sure. Yeah. is, yeah. That's a movie
Starting point is 00:16:46 I liked better than this, and I didn't like that. Oh, oh yeah. Oh, yeah. So the fireworks go off. We hit 17 years later, so now we're talking 2022, I believe. And dude, it just cuts to Allison Williams miserably staring out a window. I feel it's like,
Starting point is 00:17:02 you know everything that's going on with this poor woman just staring out this window because she knows she's got to go downstairs right now and, yep, make her own birthday cake. Oh, that's sad. later on Scott Eastwood It's not him, but the character
Starting point is 00:17:17 Is he Charlie? Do I get that right? Or is he? Chip. He's Chris. He's Chris. Chris. Chris.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Scott Eastwood's character is like, don't worry, babe. I'll do the dishes. And she's like, I already did them. And I'm like, oh, man. Do this just do not count as a birthday present or even part of a birthday present. They really don't.
Starting point is 00:17:36 Yeah. Surprise, babe. I did the dishes this one time. Like, oh, man. Jesus. Hey, babe, I got, for your birthday. I took my pub. off the toilet seat.
Starting point is 00:17:45 I pressed him off myself. That's big. I trimmed everything up down there, babe, so when you're down there later giving me your birthday present, you're not going to get all tickled and whatnot. She loves this. Just making your own birthday cake.
Starting point is 00:18:03 She says every year she makes her own birthday cake. Yikes. We said it was 17 years later, right? Yeah, yeah. Yep. Yes. Yep. So Willa Fitzgerald and,
Starting point is 00:18:14 Franco come over. They got the baby now. Newborn baby. Allison Williams fawning over the fact that this dude Dave Franco's character Jonah volunteers to change a diaper. She's like, I didn't know a man was legally allowed to change a diaper. You give him a crown. Every one of them, I say. You know what? If it's just a basic human thing you should do, absolutely. Get a crown and a scepter, all that. Give him a throne. You know, they don't play their cards close to the vessel. He takes the baby. Willa Fitzgerald yells, clean it, cuck.
Starting point is 00:18:48 And you should understand that sort of what, you know, they're letting you know that there might be something going on with her and Chris. Exactly. Right. That might be a problem. It is so weird because they make a point of letting you know that he's been gone. He left for a while. Correct.
Starting point is 00:19:05 And I'm like, I kind of need to see that to understand what like, because to me it just feels like they've been there the whole time. It's like the way. totally right it's confusing. To cut like that and they're like, yeah, he got, she, they did a high fidelity. She fucked him at his father's funeral. And then,
Starting point is 00:19:25 I guess from that or from another instance, they got pregnant and now they're going to get married and have this kid together. Because Allison Williams says something about like, you blew back into town, you banged my sister and knocked her up and now you're just like here, I guess is the idea. Yeah. But the sister says that like, oh, they're getting married. Oh, did he
Starting point is 00:19:44 proposed? It was a discussion. I mean, you do already have a kid, you know? Yeah, it makes sense. Today's episode is brought to you by Ghostbed. Now, this time of year, mattress sales tend to get loud, huge discounts, dramatic countdowns, and prices that feel like
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Starting point is 00:21:33 Some terms apply C-Site for details. Ghostbid.com slash WHM with promo code WHM at checkout, folks. And Alza Williams just. isn't thrilled with that she's telling her. Like, didn't she, like, didn't she, like, date him for a month, she says? Like, that's, that's it. Like, I guess so it's like they kind of dated for a month.
Starting point is 00:21:55 Then she got knocked up and that's where we are. Take shots at your sister for this not being romantic. Scott East would. Did you're all over the beach or something. Yeah. You got this kid coming out. And then you just got married. It did, I didn't see his proposal.
Starting point is 00:22:09 I didn't see any good shit happened to you. You're doing the dishes on your birthday. They're talking about me about romance lady. Fuck on. Totally. I will say the car is thrilled to be drinking. Every time he's drinking, he's very excited about drinking. It is that thing where there's the friend that like takes a little longer to catch up to everybody else or maybe never catches up at all, which is the sadder of the two cases.
Starting point is 00:22:35 But it's always like the, who's up for a beer? I got fucking two six packs in each hand. And then like literally the rest of the room is just like, yeah, man, we're either like not drinking or like quietly. sipping a cocktail or a glass of wine or something. No, no, put the funnel back. No, we don't even have any of those red cups. Keep them in your car. That's fine. Get the ping pong out. Let's play some ping pong. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:22:57 She, very important character plot point here. When he comes in, there's a door that leads into the kitchen. And then Allison Williams just goes dead-eyed as she often is. I hate that door. I hate that door. I'm sad. my husband is dead. I can't believe it. I just cannot believe it. I'm not trying to be mean, but Brian Williams could sell it better. I think that's what's so weird about like she has really
Starting point is 00:23:28 hate that door. Sorry, Chris. This just in, uh, I hate that door. I don't you say, Kevin. I've only liked her into like, yeah, I've only seen her like activated in get out and girls. That's it. Otherwise, I've just been like, what, what's you doing? And in one of those projects, she got her ass eating out, so that's something. But like, I saw her play that scientist in Megan. No, dog. That ain't happening.
Starting point is 00:23:56 A scientist, I don't think so. That's another sad, that. Portrait, too, right? She's just staring at the window at the start of that. She saw I made a robot that's killing everybody. And the meanest thing anyone's ever done was casting her as Peter Pan in that live action musical. I don't remember
Starting point is 00:24:12 that. Oh, dude, I fucking watch. that live, dude. It was cruel to make her do that. Like, you know, you should have just, like, said, no, we're going to get somebody else. She looked good, though. She sure did. She should did.
Starting point is 00:24:25 But it was terrible. It was so bad. I forgot about that. And fucking Christopher Walkins on, like, Bader blockers, like, oh, I'm Captain Hook, I guess. Or whatever. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:24:38 Shit, I must have blocked all of that out of my head, but now it's all rushing back to me, and it's terrifying. We should just do episodes on that shit. Oh, sure, dude. Let me get this wig back where it's supposed to be. Sorry, Allison. Sorry, sorry, audience.
Starting point is 00:24:50 Yeah, I'm playing Captain Snook. Wait, what? Hey, is that the newscaster's daughter, the one who lied about Iraq? Oh, hey, I saw this Peter Pan before. He was getting his ass eaten by Evan Moss backwreck. You know who he is, folks. Let's get her. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:25:15 So while this party's starting, Scotty's Wood's definitely getting the party started, Alison Williams, Morgan keeps going. Where's Clara? Where's Clara? Where's Clara? Cut to McKenna Grace singing this song by a person I learned just the other day was called role model. Sure.
Starting point is 00:25:33 So role model, you see. He was playing a tune there at the NHL Winter Classic down in Miami a couple weeks ago. And I thought, because if the little Shiron comes up and it says role model, I thought that was the band. Apparently, it's just this dude calls himself role model. The tune she's singing here in one of the worst like blue screened car jobs I've seen in a really long time. And is the credits here messed up? I mean, McKenna, Grace McKenna, isn't that what it's supposed to be? Isn't that a norm?
Starting point is 00:26:10 No, McKenna, dude. It's like a way around, you know, it's a modern. It's a little white girl name. The last name. But yeah, she's singing this tune here or whatever, and she spies a handsome hitchhiker standing by a signpost. And this is a weird, like, right away you don't know whether or not she knows him. So I'm like, shit, is this like a, is this an actual hitchhiker situation?
Starting point is 00:26:36 Are you being this stupid? I thought it was Texas chainsaw about to happen here. Seriously. Well, the way he's holding this sign, I thought it was. tears of the kingdom, Chris. I had to figure out a way to make the sign stand up, you know? Put this, up to that,
Starting point is 00:26:51 put on a triangle, there we go. Dude, I avoided those guys like the fucking plague. I'll figure your shit out later. Yeah. Oh, you can't hang a sign? Dude, you got way more problems. I'm out of here. I got adventures to have. Fuck that. Stupid shit. Can't get the signpost to stay up.
Starting point is 00:27:07 But his thing is so stupid because it's like, oh, my uncle, my grandfather likes this pizza place. but they won't deliver in town limits. So I'm moving the sign. I'm like, they're still not going to deliver, kid. Dude, that's not changing Google, pal.
Starting point is 00:27:22 Yeah. And he's doing this fucking Elaine Venice with the Chinese restaurant shit. And do you know how to drive? You can pick it up, you know. You want to go pick up this piece? It's not that hard. He's got,
Starting point is 00:27:33 this is a driving community. Miller, I'm hungry. I'm moving the side, grandpa. But I'm so hungry. Pizza. Pizza in four months. Once I get the sign where it needs to be. Pee-Paw wants his pizza.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Hey, Miller. Hey, Miller, it's pizza time. Do you get it? Miller time. All the cigarettes, he's fucking smoking. He doesn't know the taste of the fucking pizza anyway. Exactly. He's shot dominoes in his face.
Starting point is 00:28:06 He'll know the difference. But yes, he is, as he tells me, McKenna Grace, also they go to school together. They do know each of them. whether he's not a stranger hitchhiker. But yeah, he says, I keep moving this sign to change the city limits
Starting point is 00:28:19 so this pizza place will deliver. And she's like, my God, he's hot and creative. She's thirsty immediately, dude. He's moving that sign every day a little more. It is unhinged. He needs to be stopped. I mean, I kind of get it
Starting point is 00:28:36 if you're living in this kind of town. But just do it all at once. I mean, I guess that's a... But like, you don't want to get caught. You're a stupid. kid you think you're going to get a fucking police is going to come to the road. Caught more digging it out every day.
Starting point is 00:28:49 Yes. I mean, I I can't, again, it's, I'm trying to think like, you know, stupid teenager and I think that's kind of accurate. Like, they're like, oh, let's go quickly. And just a little bit. Yeah. It's a, it's a stupid idea, but you're right. It is a teenager idea. And I
Starting point is 00:29:05 like, if you're a film guy and like, I'm kind of impressed with this kid, honestly. When we see his bedrooms, this guy has the only the only poster in America of the two jakes and this kid's got it. I don't know how. I don't know how he has it.
Starting point is 00:29:22 And apparently he loves it. It's right in the middle of the fucking Managerie. Nicholson doesn't even have a copy. Every poster I saw, maybe this is not all of them. You guys can add some. So yeah,
Starting point is 00:29:34 some mechanic grace or whatever comes back to her house, back to his house. Where he's like, oh, aren't you surprised I'm not living in a piece of shit shack or something like that. Because she says something about like, wow, like in response to the house
Starting point is 00:29:46 and he's like, are you surprised? I will say suspiciously, the outside of the house, if you get a good shot, if it does look a little bit like the Texas chainsaw house. Yeah, it does have a little bit of a sample. Clancy Brown is like,
Starting point is 00:29:59 like every limb extended on this, like chair on the porch. That's Gramps. Yeah, I'm not making it past Gramps. That's Gramps. He was the best with the sledge back in the day. you see. Eric,
Starting point is 00:30:13 what are these movie posters? So she goes to his room and here are the movie posters that are revealed. Rosemary's baby. Good movie. Primal fear of all things. That's weird.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Previous episode, kind of weird for a new kid, you know, a kid that was born after the killers to have that up. Exactly. Why is a kid who's 18 in 2022 having the primal fear poster?
Starting point is 00:30:37 Ferris Bueller, which we also saw a poster of in Family Plan 2. Oh, right. Sunset Boulevard and get this Another 48 hours not 48 hours Another 48 hours That's weird because that movie sucks
Starting point is 00:30:51 You let's all the classic sequels Two Jakes another 48 hours Pet Semeanor There's Pet Cemetery Paper Moon The Two Jakes election Chinatown True Grit the Coens version Truman Show black rain of all things
Starting point is 00:31:08 Oh I caught the Black Rain one yes And the Untouchables All Paramount movies by the way, that's what I... Oh, that makes total sense. Dude, that was one of the few times that when I was telling you guys, look out for this Paramount movie that continually reminds you that it's a Paramount movie. Multiple times throughout this presentation.
Starting point is 00:31:26 It's fucking crazy what we're doing here. But yeah, of course, yeah, he is a film school guy. She wants to go to school for dramatic arts. She likes acting, this, that, and the other thing. We have this move, this move right here where he's like, I'm going to pay you whatever it was, for gas money or whatever the deal is. And he takes this fucking $10 bill. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:47 And it's not just a like quickly put it in her pocket. It is a deep front pocket shove here. The reason this is $10 is because I'm going to cop a feel. Yes. He cops a feel. He gets a really good handful. It's $4 for the for the gas and about six for the lap dance that I'm giving myself with my hand. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:32:08 Exactly. It is kind of funny because she says something about like, oh. Oh, film school, you want to go to film school? Are you kidding or something like that? Because why would I kid about film school? And I was like, take it easy, Dawson, Leary. Take it easy. Fucking dial it back.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Take it down a notch. Cessel be demented. Let me just ask you one thing, though. Have you ever seen the two jakes? It's incredible. It's about fracking. It's about fracking in L.A. It's incredible.
Starting point is 00:32:33 He's got the two jakes and China. Both put massive fucking fan of that storyline, I guess. Yeah, I just like all the classics. Uh, Chinatown, Rosemary's baby, the two jakes. I love Roman Polansky. You just had nothing wrong. Friday 13th, the final chapter.
Starting point is 00:32:52 Yes. House to the second story. I'm co-sending that Roman Polansky letter now. Who's this guy in the middle of all the, the people we know and this Miller Adams. Who's that? What the fuck? That name, too.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Oh, my, what is he? Two beer commercials shoved together? Uh-huh. That's what happens when the two beer companies are going to merge eventually. He should have been Scott Eastwood's kid. That guy liked to drink. Oh, totally. Miller Adams's High Life Eastwood.
Starting point is 00:33:25 Yeah, dude, this kid's the fucking champagne of jeers. Come on. I'll name the Coors Banquet Beer Eastwood. Of course, because my old. monkey friend loved drinking Coors banquet beer you see so you're actually named after a monkey's favorite drink
Starting point is 00:33:49 how about that boy? Okay it's Coors and Cly so you'll be CC Eastwood that's your name from here on out we should say that this kid playing Miller time here is Mason Tames from the Black Phone movies and
Starting point is 00:34:05 oh he's on for all mankind and some other stuff well then we should say in the phone and the car. How to Train to Dragon live action movie. Oh yeah, I'll never watch that. His phone goes off and it's not the grabber, but it's actually
Starting point is 00:34:19 his girlfriend. Oh, yes, in the car, yeah. Shelby? My girlfriend, Shelby. Yeah, well, it's a rodeo town. And, you know, basically that's kind of a big deal there. He covers it and he's like, oh, I'm getting a, I hitched a ride back to town. Just some dude.
Starting point is 00:34:37 He very pointedly is like, I'm not in the car with the this girl Clara here. We get a little bit of Clancy Brown when she's trying to get out of there. And he's like, you want to hear some embarrassing stories about my grandson? Like this one time, he shit his pants in the grocery store. And this guy's like, oh, will you curl up and die already? That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:35:00 Do you want another one? Okay. He shit his pants in the car. Do you want another one? He shit his pants at a restaurant. I got one more. He shit his pants on an aeroplane and a train as well. And all, a couple of automobiles.
Starting point is 00:35:16 I got some fun, I got some funny stories about me. One time I killed Ramirez in a Scottish Highland Castle. All right, grandpa. Okay. I won the prize. Sure. This is how I'm spending eternity is on this porch. We're trying to get him to stop drinking the rum.
Starting point is 00:35:35 We're trying to keep him away. Here's another story that happened to me one time. I was living with a. lady and she was the mother to this little fat kid that I love terrorizing. And then one day I died in a motorcycle accident. The fat kid and his weird friend buried me in a pet cemetery. Oh my God. You did paperwork at a hospital.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Grandpa, shut up. You know, I also at one point did arbitrate something between John Wick and other people. So she's trying to get out of there, right? And then she's like, oh, you know, maybe next time I'll come by hear more embarrassing stories and get a pineapple pepperoni pizza. And then, of course, he's got to be like pineapple on pizza. We got to stop litigating this.
Starting point is 00:36:22 We have to stop. It's over. It's delicious. It's done. I don't even care. I don't even like it, but I don't give a shit. I like it once in a while, you know, it's good. You know, one time when I was in Hawaii, on the side of the road in the jungle, they were making it.
Starting point is 00:36:38 And you could buy and I bought a. pineapple colbasa pizza which now we're talking fuck that ham crap and they packaged it instead of a box in a banana leaf
Starting point is 00:36:48 oh in banana leaf packaging oh okay very nice it was delicious I'm assuming by the way it was incredible yeah of course it was
Starting point is 00:36:56 it's a hack writer thing to be like isn't there something people talk about like no no one's talked about it fucking 10 years also and the and no more
Starting point is 00:37:04 deep dip shit either just shut up and we're from New York so shut the fuck up up about pizza everyone But the thing about pineapple on pizza and why that's the new joke is because finally someone, like, there was a decree from a fucking world government that was like, you can no longer make anchovies on pizza jokes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:37:21 It's going on for fucking 30 years and it has to stop. Move on to something else. That's what a lot of writers I feel like are doing these days is like, well, why don't I go onto Blue Sky or Twitter or whatever and look at, what are my dumbest friends arguing about? Oh, they're still on this pineapple. on people. You know what? That's real America right there. Let me get that in here. Tapity tap it tap it. Oh, pineapple. We made it. Thank you, Chris. Social media was a mistake because all
Starting point is 00:37:49 it is is we should be fascist or you're doing pizza wrong. And first of all, shut up to both of those. Or it's, hey, this guy is following me now because we just met and he thinks I'm hot. But now he won't because his stupid fucking girlfriend, Shelby pitched a fit. This is a quick follow, man. Here's what's going on. She gives him the follow before she's even down the driveway. She ain't even sitting in the car yet.
Starting point is 00:38:16 She gives this follow. A quick follow that's a little uncool there, Clara. But you know, I have a theory about why Miller Adams here, this kid follows and unfollows. And he's topsy-turvy with the social media because it was an accidental follow to begin with because he was jerking off. Yeah. Uh-huh. He was jerking off. And he's like, uh-oh, now she'll know.
Starting point is 00:38:38 I've been looking at these pictures and that post nut shame follows quickly you know you got to watch that the slippery fingers on those vacation picks dude you really got to watch them it's true it's like holy shit I posted that picture nine months ago
Starting point is 00:38:54 what's that guy doing so we go back to this birthday dinner and while the adults are in the kitchen there Clara calls Aunt Jenny and we you know it's clear from the jump that Aunt Jenny you know and her have this nice relationship. She can talk to her in a way
Starting point is 00:39:10 that she doesn't talk with her mother, yada, yada, yada. But it is such a breach of trust. This fucking Aunt Jenny puts this on speakerphone right in front of the mother. And Clara is like, by the way, I'm not on speakerphone, right? And she's like, no. Allowing Allison Williams to hear all the shit, which like, it's not actually terrible, right? The only thing that she says that's kind of bad is like,
Starting point is 00:39:32 don't tell mom, you know how she gets. To which, like, the response should be some sort of like, devastated is a little much but like oh man that i can't believe that Alison Williams' response in this moment is like ha ha ha ha ha ha yeah no I do act fucking crazy i guess you gotta pull down you know the
Starting point is 00:39:49 the hurt and the shame need to be pulled down they got you got to you know stamp it on down there dude like a filled garbage can well these are emotions it's not really her strong suit yeah that's true she should have played Megan that's a good point uh also
Starting point is 00:40:06 another thing that happens here is like you can't date someone whose father is a felon I guess his father they knew in high school He's a drug dealer Eric It's the 19 like it's was this written by like The sons of John Lithgow and footloose Like what's what?
Starting point is 00:40:24 Why do you give a shit? I don't know why you would care It's like oh Miller whatever the fuck His father's Heath whatever the fuck Oh yeah Oh wasn't that guy slinging back in the day Didn't you buy from him one time? What are you telling me?
Starting point is 00:40:41 They're also fucking satisfied with themselves. Exactly. And don't act like Scott Eastwood and Allison Williams were buying heroin from this guy or something. Like this was like home. You bought weed, which is now legal everywhere, except for I guess wherever this takes place probably. You bought fucking bad weed.
Starting point is 00:40:56 Yeah, this is North Carolina. I'm sure they're not doing it. I'm sure you get the death penalty down there still. This is what you do. when your ex-drug dealer friends you on Facebook you accept it and you just sort of let it go
Starting point is 00:41:09 you know what I mean you're not really friends but you're also not not friends either but be polite you got to precise people from New York City have to tell you to be polite that's crazy I mean well you got to remember
Starting point is 00:41:22 Alson Williams is in I mean as at this moment at least all these people are in sham relationship these are all fake things and they are all feeling the fucking pressure, man. You can see it in their goddamn eyes, the way they talk. It's all over the fucking face. And when Scott Eastwood is getting ready to leave this fucking house the morning of,
Starting point is 00:41:41 you can tell he just wants to get the fuck out of there. He's like, oh man, thank you. Oh, the coffee's done. Thank fucking Jesus. Oh, man, I am out the door. Are we out, are we ready? Come on. Let's go. Get the car out of the way. Get the car out of the way. He's ready to lay on the horn to get her to move this car out of the driveway. Because we come to find out, Chris, they're like this is he tells Allison William like Allison Williams that don't wait for dinner because I've got this staff
Starting point is 00:42:06 meeting turns out he was going to go fuck her sister all night long so he's trying to get out of there get through work real quick and then fuck the sister all day long yeah which is interesting well because that's the thing so like it is one thing it's it's
Starting point is 00:42:22 you know whatever monogamy but fucking your wife's sister is pretty fucking bad you know what I mean. It's pretty low, dude. And like you, if it's at a fucking one pool party that went a little too far, but to serial serially fuck your wife's sister
Starting point is 00:42:38 and have a child with her, for 15 years. Yes. For 15 years, yeah, crazy. And it's very risky, okay? How do you broach that? Who broached it? I really wish they read some of those love letters so I could get some context. I wanted, I definitely wanted to have a love letter. Please. Just like one or two, like start at the beginning. And
Starting point is 00:42:58 And then it can be like, I never thought last Thursday it was going to turn into what it did. And we can maybe see a little bit of that. Just something. I could believe when I came over to fix the cable and my hog fell out of my pants that you would be so receptive to it. I love you. Well, that's, you know what, Eric, I think it's exactly, I think you touched on it. The fact that we don't really see who is the person who touches this off, it gets this thing started. They do not want to risk you thinking that like normal people.
Starting point is 00:43:28 who have normal emotions could get into a situation like that. Yeah. Like they don't want, they don't want any messy feelings. They want to be able to close the book on them completely when it does. Like, well, they don't want to be like,
Starting point is 00:43:39 here's the, what, here's your reading, you know, these love letters, you're like, oh, these people actually,
Starting point is 00:43:44 I guess, cared for each other in some way. Oh, that's messed up. That makes me feel a weird way. Well, that's, you know,
Starting point is 00:43:50 that's a good, that's good. That's what you should be feeling. It'd be nice to have complicated feelings instead. They're just like, well, they're dead and buried, So fuck it.
Starting point is 00:43:56 And they fucking suck. You're right. This is a big messy situation. It's a high drama kind of a deal, right? There's like three tears shed in this entire movie, which is like kind of insane when we're burying two people. Mostly from joy. Those tears you're talking about. Like I think one or two of them maybe are sad, but a lot of them are joyful.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Well, one of the sad ones, Chris, is when she goes to McKenna Grace goes to the movies and then, you know, Miller Adams is working there and she's got a little smear from crying because her fucking father and aunt are dead and he just sticks his grody nasty paw on her face. He's like, let me get that for you.
Starting point is 00:44:39 Disgusting. I want Eric's voice does not exactly mirror the look of this man. I just want that on paper real quick. The look at me? Because this guy, no, the voice you did. When I see this guy, I'm not
Starting point is 00:44:54 weird the race. I'm sorry, but when a when a stinky fingee comes out to rub a face, you go full bad, bad, bad. In my you got to watch her to golem. Yeah, basically like Allison Williams, this is something that goes nowhere.
Starting point is 00:45:10 Like they have a little thing where like Allison Williams is too predictable. Her and McKenna Grace, they have like a vision board of some kind. Oh, this vision board donkey shit. Get out of here. Come on. The next morning she doesn't make breakfast. She's like, well, I guess I'm not predictable.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Run acting EXE. But you're hungry. How about you enjoy a delicious pop tart instead? And a starry soda. Here's the thing. It's stupid because she's like, oh, did you predict that I would feed my child? Is basically the thing. Because she says that she's in the vision board scene, she says she's overprotective,
Starting point is 00:45:46 predictable, and dependable. So then the next morning, what, no fucking pasta? What I have to fucking Ziti? No, she's like, oh yeah, you wouldn't predict that I'm, you know, and then she feels, it's kind of funny because she's like, oh shit, I'm basically saying I wasn't going to feed my kid. Here's some Pop-Tarts, which are also a totally fine breakfast, by the way. But here's the thing. I've never- No, parent needs to be making fucking eggs, bacon and fruit every morning. No, no, not at all. Who would the world could split a pack of pop tarts for breakfast? Because she gives one of them to her friend Lexi. No way. That is it. That is a sleeve to myself, my friend. That's a, that might be a fat man thought, Stephen. I don't know about that. We're all guilty of it. I was about to say. you're not you're not snaring no miller adams
Starting point is 00:46:26 i'm with you steve pop tarts are a fucking it's like it's like given someone else one of your twicks what are you crazy yeah exactly it's both meant for you if you want to share pop tarts take another fucking packet of pop tarts serving size two pop tarts okay yeah if the if the things that servings there's two servings of pop tarts in each little foil bag. Then I'm getting, you know what, fine. I'm getting really old because I'm just like ban pop tarts at this point. You know, that's just pure fucking sugar. It's trash. Get out of you. Grandpa. So what? It's fun every once in a while. I used to, I used to have
Starting point is 00:47:05 pop tarts when I was a young man and look at me now. So don't do it. I was eating pop tarts no fucking later than like two weeks ago as a matter of that. Oh yeah. Well, dude, you know, because the other side of it, dude. Thank you, Chris. What kind? What flavor? I would even. You guys blueberry with the frosting? That's classical. I think it was a frosted raspberry. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:26 First of all, they got to be frosted. You can't be eaten unfrosted pop-ports. That's psycho shit. That's psycho shit right there. No way. I don't care for the chocolate ones either. I mean, to be fair, I have not either had a Pop-Tart in quite some time. Well, here's the other thing I was going to say, though.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Not only is it a good, like, on-the-go breakfast thing. It's also really good stoner food. Well, that too. That makes you get into the cupboard around 1145. What do we got it? It's like someone was buying from Hank Adams, the popular. Oh, man. So we can get ahead a little bit after the Pop-Tart incident here.
Starting point is 00:48:07 It doesn't really matter. But so Clara discovers at school that Miller's girlfriend has broken up with him because she noticed the Instagram follow and thought that equated to them fucking around. So they're broken up. And so what she's doing is texting with Aunt Jenny, hey Miller and his girlfriend broke up and before she has warned her about this like hey if he's
Starting point is 00:48:27 got a girlfriend like you know don't be doing that and literally like the last thing she says is like oh you know you don't want to be the other woman or whatever trust me and so she texts you were the other girl once and then there's no response and we learn
Starting point is 00:48:43 later that is where the car exit has happened but I got to say the Shelby girlfriend here is she in Canada I feel like she should be at school. They should get messier. There's a little drama. I want to fucking, you know, good fellas. There is a whore in classroom 14B.
Starting point is 00:49:01 That's what I want. You know what I mean? I want Shelby to go nuts. Come to the home room and start fucking shit up, Shelby. Exactly. Throw some desks and whatnot. Really get into it. Like McKenick, it'll be great if like McKenick, like, because McKenigra is a very small
Starting point is 00:49:14 person. If like you get a real bruiser to play Shelby, be like, who's been fucking with my man? Exactly. Oh no, it's the captain of the girls' field hockey team. Yes, you can hear her coming down the hallway. Like, it's like, you play it like a Jurassic Park kind of thing. Her glass of orange juice in the morning is moving or something.
Starting point is 00:49:34 You angry, you angered Shopee, the slasher. Oh, no. So Allison Williams is busy babysitting the baby for the day because she thought that the sister had to be at work. and so she shows up she gets the call she shows up at the hospital Franco shows up at the hospital and she's like oh my god
Starting point is 00:49:57 I can't believe this happened to Chris and he has to be like what are you talking about Jenny was the one in the car accident and it's like this massive douche chill like what so it's it's roadhead right like we have to be honest oh do you think she bit the dick off in the crash
Starting point is 00:50:13 oh man that'd be a bad way to go how else do you flip a car dude you know like whatever that they should disclose that like and his penis was found thrown from the vehicle it was severed we tried to sew it back on we tried it very bad and it just doesn't look right i'm sorry tried to put it back on before trying to save his life that's why he's dead we know what's important to this man but eric i think you were about to touch on this doctor yes because i'm telling you they they walk up to this doctor and the doctor it doesn't even finish turning
Starting point is 00:50:49 Before he says like, I'm sorry, they're dead. They're dead. They're dead. The doctor is just like, they run up and it's like, of course, you know, both their spouses were in this horrific wreck. And then the doctor just turns to like a pastor holding the Holy Bible. That says it all. I mean, she falls on the floor and you get this tight shot of like her face and the Bible's right there.
Starting point is 00:51:13 This is not the sensitive touch of Noah Wiley's Dr. Robbie over here. No, no, no. Yeah, they died. They both. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. I'm eating here, too. Yeah, they're both dead.
Starting point is 00:51:24 Yeah. And I guess according to this book I'm holding, they'd be in hell, right? Oh, geez. Sorry. I want to go to lunch hour. Sorry. Only one lunch hour you get. So the news is, hold on one second.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Where, this is them, right? Yeah, all right. Them's is dead. Too many pot tarts. I mean, I ate both of them. I'm eating these unfrosted pop tarts like a fucking psycho. I'm sorry. Is this sour and vinegar?
Starting point is 00:51:56 I thought you had the, I want the barbecue. Hey, your kids dating Miller Adams, right? Is that his father still selling drugs? I need some. For the Pop-Tarts, you understand. That's a cute baby a guy here, sir. It looks a lot like the guy who just died. I love that when he drops the baby off and is like,
Starting point is 00:52:18 It smiled like Scott Eastwood. Yeah. How does it cost? His first words were beep, beep, okay? It's his son. I just know. He went froop, froop. And at this point, by the way, I pause it,
Starting point is 00:52:38 or I turn on the status bar to see what we're working with here. The inciting incident of this movie takes place 31 minutes into this movie. everything else that we have talked about is shit that could have been consolidated into like 10 minutes if you're really tried here. This does not need to be a movie that is pushing two hours in length.
Starting point is 00:52:58 I agree. Well, we're a bit at 50 here, so I just let's be... We'll skip ahead. No, no, no. But we get some fucked up info here. Franco gets a call from the cop. Everybody's crying at the house or whatever.
Starting point is 00:53:11 And he's like, oh, so this is weird. The cop just said that Jenny, the whole thing Jenny says previously is she's starting back at work the day that she dies it's her last she's maternity leave is over with she's got to go back to work the cop tells Franco
Starting point is 00:53:28 that the maternity leave was still on for another day so she was not due back at work a full fuck day that's nice yeah just laying around dude well because that's a thing and like basically I think he goes to her and they were having an affair
Starting point is 00:53:45 and like a Morgan Allison Williams is like reacting to it. And the idea of McKenna Grace is pissed that she's got to go to two separate funerals. Are you busy? Like I don't even think they're not even related. Of course they wouldn't. Like you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:54:00 Do a combo. Why not? Same some times. I know you know them. But like I don't know. My mom, her, his mom and her mom might want separate fucking funeral. Yes.
Starting point is 00:54:11 I think it's a thing where you're supposed to read that is like she's being a teenager. And her point is like, it's more painful to attend two funerals. Sure. I also thought about you, though. How did you not know about this affair? I mean, Scott Eastwood, the automobile was leaving the house and he clearly attached the plow to the front. And you know he was going to go do some plowing.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Wait a second. It's not supposed to snow today. What's happening? Here in North Carolina. Why would that be happening? Uh-huh. Yeah. The two funerals.
Starting point is 00:54:45 And then also like fuck Allison Williams for this. Like, yeah, dude, maybe, maybe this is heavy for McKenna Gray's character and she wants to get out. You don't have to stay for the whole funeral. You could grieve any way you want. At that age, I don't think you can. I mean, like I would, of course, me, I would be like, yeah, of course, go do whatever you have. But I think most fucking parents are going to be like, no, where's my fucking kid? You got to buy my kids.
Starting point is 00:55:12 You can. You cannot as a teenager ghost your parents' funeral. I am sorry. Good thing I did it in my 40s. Yes. See, there. You got, they got more time.
Starting point is 00:55:24 As always, dude, you are an exception to a rule. Yeah. I'm an American original, I think. I do love when she gets on her phone and texts her dead aunt's cell phone. It's all my fault.
Starting point is 00:55:37 Oh, we got to talk about the texting. It's such a bad move. You can't do. the big bubbly description of or showing of the text. And then the person like reads it dead stone
Starting point is 00:55:50 like I am so sorry, it's my fault. On my way. OMW on my way. That's so cool. Yeah. The texting thing like I do remember like of course you know when you lose someone big in your life I remember calling the voicemail and hearing like this is the last I'm ever
Starting point is 00:56:06 going to hear his voice again type of thing. So I get that. But texting ghosts. No, no, no, no. No, no. I don't know. I don't know about that. Just, I mean, I like that they at least get the detail right. And it goes to green rather than blue because the phone's been turned off. Yes.
Starting point is 00:56:21 I think that's pretty funny. But, like, yeah, I like texting on screen, a thing very stylistically hard to nail down. I think Tarr does it really well. Yes, it does. Tar is a decent example. And I think there's been a couple other ones, but Tarr is the one that really sticks out. I think tar is better than this movie in most respect. I agree with that.
Starting point is 00:56:39 You think. Yeah. Oh, wait, but guys, though. she was a problematic character. Oh. I don't know. I don't know if you're allowed to like that movie. She's a problematic character. No, you got to throw it in the safti garbage.
Starting point is 00:56:52 Or on 12 safeties. An odd move here, in my opinion, is Miller showing up to the dad's funeral? Like, it's respectful, but it's also, you're trying to get laid, dude. You're trying to get laid. It's a move. The thing is, is you could have, he is, but he's being too loud about it. Like you, if you had worn a normal fucking suit, but this guy's got the fucking jacket,
Starting point is 00:57:17 and he's got like a t-shirt with the V-line down. And like, he's a slutty shirt. Yeah, he's incredibly slutty in this moment. And I- Fucking bimbo showing up to my fucking father's shoe. He's kind of dressed like fucking machine gun Kelly, frankly. A little bit. He's not junky enough.
Starting point is 00:57:32 He doesn't have the holes in it or anything like that. But like, he does do that. And he's clearly trying to get her, do exactly what she does, which is go out and take a drive with him. And they go and she gets stoned. He does not, of course, the father. You kind of pulls it, you want to get out of here,
Starting point is 00:57:46 which is a cool thing to do at like a party or like, you know what I mean? Or at the prom and like, oh, it's dramatic. We can talk. Not at someone's father's funeral. Send a card to show that you care. And that's how you do that. But I also, I don't begrudge her for not wanting to be there personally. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:58:03 No, no. No, no. No, I mean, it's, I think it's totally fine that she acts on her own. She leaves. Like, that's your own decision. her mom getting mad makes sense because that's like a mom thing. Yeah. She should talk.
Starting point is 00:58:14 They should talk about it rather than just yelling at each other and getting silly punitive shit. But that's what parents do now. And that's how they get most problems get solved without talking about it. Chris, you bring up an interesting point there because now I'm remembering, right, I forget. I'm an old man. I'm a grampy. I'm in the twilight of my life. I totally forgot.
Starting point is 00:58:33 Yes, kids today, you're not allowed to be without eye shot of your parents, right? You're not allowed to be outside. You're not allowed to do anything. Anything? That's a problem. But yeah, I do love her. I feel like getting high. And he's like, oh, yeah, we can figure that out.
Starting point is 00:58:49 And she's like, I've never done it before. But I just know I feel like getting high. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And also like Miller. It's the pop cards talking. Too much, but too much. Oh, man. I'm fucking OD on these pop cards, man.
Starting point is 00:59:04 I better smoke some weed. What she had? She had, what, she had, she had four maple browns today. Maple brown. Really? That's a lot. for she's okay we gotta get her to the hospital but Chris you mentioned it too his line
Starting point is 00:59:14 of like I don't smoke weed I just have stoner friends well aren't you fucking terrific I thought your dad could sell it to us yeah you should smell that this isn't gonna go well for anybody dude like it's the day
Starting point is 00:59:30 of her dad's funeral it is not the time to again like she can try to but you now you're in for a rough ride man you better do you get this text from your mom where are you the funeral is over. Oh, no way. You're just burning a J in this dude's shitty truck. And Allison Williams, like she does multiple times in this movie is fucking stalking her daughter's cell phone using the fucking find my phone app. That thing, man, everybody's got to calm the
Starting point is 01:00:00 fuck down with that shit. Like I'm amazed at how many times I hear this now. Like, oh no, they're just always following me. I'm like, do anything else with your time. Like so it's so fucked up. God in heaven. We exist. Like many of our modern conveniences that are incredibly invasive and terrifying, we existed well without it. You know what I mean? Like, yes. The grabber was going to
Starting point is 01:00:21 get a couple of kids. For sure. But, you know, still is. The grabber's getting plenty of kids still. You're kidding me? The grabbers got fucking corporations now. Are you serious? But the grabber wasn't inside someone's device insisting they kill themselves. The grabber was getting out there and
Starting point is 01:00:37 doing it himself. The grabber was doing the leg work. The gramer was, did two terms as the U.S. President. Hey, baby, it's me the grammar. Hang it up, hanging up, hanging up. I'm playing the saxophone, McKenna. Right.
Starting point is 01:00:51 I saw, yeah, in those Epstein photos, I did see the black phone mask up on that weird dentist office thing. Oh, yeah. What do you think, Hillary, should up put it on for old time sake to ask the rock with the mask on? Here's me, hold a bunch of black balloons,
Starting point is 01:01:07 baby. Uh-oh. Who's blowing up the black phone now? It's Vince Foster. I can't believe it. Oh, yeah, yay. Vince Foster's eyes skating towards me in the middle of the night very eerily, baby. Allegedly. Allegedly, sure. So she pulls up, Alison Williams does, and we got this Clara Wilma Grant. L-O-L-O, we're laughing at her middle name here.
Starting point is 01:01:38 You need like, I mean, and this is when, again, you want, you want Alison Williams or an actress in this role to go full on Lorraine Brocko and Goodfellas. What the fuck are you doing it? Your father's funeral. This is disgusting. Like that, but she's just like,
Starting point is 01:01:53 pretty much like exactly how my mother would be acting if I behaved this way. She would throw a shoe at me. She would find a shoe and throw it. You know, like, oh man, but yes, you know, you skipped your father's funeral to get high. And then we got to have this dueling cars joke thing where mechanic grace tries to get out of the car
Starting point is 01:02:13 but Allison Williams is too close to this kid's truck so she can't open the door so we're just doing that I'm supposed to be laughing and then they go home you know you can by the way you can have deleted scenes just so you know you absolutely can't once again this movie did not need to be two hours long but like then it's just this weird it's this weird tonal shift through all this where it's like
Starting point is 01:02:32 the fucking father is barely in the ground and we've got like she's got the munchies eaten a cookie like a bereavement cookie that she gets on the point. And I'm like, what are we doing? Nobody has respect for the fact that we just buried your car father, not more than 15 years ago. I know that heartbreak feels special at a place like this,
Starting point is 01:02:53 but you should be going to AMC theaters right after the funeral. Amazing. Yeah. Because we get to. Franco calls Allison Williams out because they find, so here's the question. So they find a Scotty Switzwood's car at this. His car has been missing.
Starting point is 01:03:10 They find it at this. Fuck hotel. This was a getaway spot that he used to take his wife to, by the way. Dude, you can't fucking use the same hotel. What a scumbag. I do think this is his brother that they find in the parking lot. Oh, yeah. The car is his brother, yes.
Starting point is 01:03:29 Yeah, he was a car. For a second, I thought I was forgetting an entire character. I was like, what are you talking about? Scott used to a drives. It's like, imagine Optimus Prime getting into one of his friends. Open up for me, Jeff. So here's the question. So they show up in two cars to the fuck hotel, clearly, right?
Starting point is 01:03:49 And then they leave to do what? Were they low on lube and they had to do a lube run? They would do the Pop Tarts run. They go in his car to the hotel. Oh, I see. Because she beats the shit out of the car, remember. She gets pissed off about it. Yes.
Starting point is 01:04:05 Franco goes into the hotel. The hotel manager is like, there's not a scene, but basically he's like, Hey, my fucking fiancee was here or whatever. He's got the bag with all their shit in it. She pulls out these sexy lingerie and whatnot. So then she starts physically, like, beating the shit out of the car and she knocks the muffler off it. And then you see later she has driven that car home because it's like the shot of her getting home is dragging.
Starting point is 01:04:30 The muffler dragging up the driveway. She mistook the car for her husband. I'm confused as to what Willa, Willa, what's her fit? Willa Fitzgerald and Scott Eastwood were doing. So if you're having an after. afternoon Trist, you both show up to the hotel in separate cars, right? Right. Yeah. What were they doing in her car? Where were they off?
Starting point is 01:04:47 Going to get hot dogs, dude. Obviously, it's lunchtime. Remember, the pizza delivery zone is pretty narrow. So that's what they were doing. The fucking good pizza place isn't going to deliver to this hotel. I want pineapple pizza. You tell him to, I want some extra butter sauce for the crust, right? You fucking forgot about the
Starting point is 01:05:07 butter. Can you call them back? I don't want to be a jerk, but I can't eat pizza without my We're going to go there. We're going to pick it up. We're going to pick up that butter sauce. Get in the cart. I wasn't able to put in that I wanted extra peppercini's. And I was really looking forward to that.
Starting point is 01:05:21 We should say also the start of all this is Franco shows up at the house where Morgan, it's very important, is wasted watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Oh, man. Sure. And then we go to this hotel where she, you know, is mad and still fucking drunk probably and beats the set of this car. And then Franco lets her drunk. drive this car home. You're going to be seeing your fucking husband soon enough, lady.
Starting point is 01:05:45 It was just wine. It's fine. And so long as she's not getting sucked off, she should be okay. I mean, that's what did her husband do. Dude, how funny would it be if there just wasn't deleted scene? He's just getting sucked off. And then the fucking car bursts into flames. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:06:01 I mean, that is a good question. Exactly how, what happened? No one said a drunk driver careened into the other lane. There's nothing. No explanation. It must be a suck off. Hey, if you're hungry for that pizza, we're about to pick up. I got something for you.
Starting point is 01:06:15 I got some pepperoni sticks. Yeah, some cream sauce right here. Oh, maybe that's what they would do. Little pizza delivery roll play. Hey, pizza man's here. Somebody's got to eat it. Hey, babe. You know, because we live out in the sticks and we love ranch on pizza.
Starting point is 01:06:31 Check yourself. My fucking dingus is making, uh, this looks like ranch kind of. I don't know, sir. Do I have pizza insurance? She says that she goes down. I'll get sexy pizza insurance plate. What happens if you poked my pizza? Is there insurance?
Starting point is 01:06:47 Your ranch is so good. I would love to dip chicken wings in it. Your ranch is so good. Have you been eating pineapples on pizza? Now, McKenna Grace, don't get so angry at me. I was just down at the... I know it smells like I was drinking all night, but I was just
Starting point is 01:07:08 down. I was playing with my old band. you know the old band and they had some steely dan stuff and they had some you know that old tube sound we were just playing trying to get that sound and you know me and your your uncle over there we were just hanging out playing some stuff and like i got home i drove myself that's my i i know how to drunk drive okay mckenna i know um while this scene is going on it is intercut with clara going to the movie theater to see miller where he works and yes yes get ready for heartbreak to feel good in a fucking movie like this because we are spending, I'm not even kidding, like a fifth of this movie takes place inside an AMC theater's
Starting point is 01:07:47 locale. It's true. And this is also the scene where he smudges her face. Oh, you got some shit on your face. Let me slowly move it around. Looks like you were crying, sweetheart. Yep. Let me wipe it for you.
Starting point is 01:08:02 She's crying, I'm sure somebody did at the end of Mission Impossible, the final reckoning. I kind of teared up in part of it. Especially if you were just coming from your dad's fucking funeral, it'll be a little too much, I imagine. Well, maybe she's crying because she's only seeing the last fucking 40 minutes of that fun movie because he's like, he's like, uh, the best I can do for you is the last fucking 40 minutes of this mission impossible. And then you've got other guy, like the buddy who works at the movie theater, who later gets set up, like they set up their friends with each other. And he's got to be like, yeah, it's the latest adventure where Tom Cruise is saving the world for Paramount Pictures.
Starting point is 01:08:39 I was like, bitch, we fucking know what mission impossible movies are about. You shut up, kid. And, you know, she was crying at the end there because it's the worst one. Exactly. It's true. Two is still worse.
Starting point is 01:08:51 Oh, actually, yeah, you're probably right. Nah, uh-uh, uh-uh. So, yeah, the whole, they drive home or whatever. And, uh, oh, what is the, oh, no, that's what is. She comes out the theater. She's crying to which this son of a bitch goes,
Starting point is 01:09:07 oh, I didn't know the movie was a tear Jerker. Dude, you were at the fucking funeral this morning. She's sad. I didn't know this action movie was a tearjerker. What an asshole. This kid, a lot of people forget that this young girl just lost her father and her and is going through a lot. This kid often forgets it in this film. Very often. Oh, it's wild. It's really wild. So Morgan and Jonah make a pact. They're never going to tell Clara the truth about what happened because she worshipped both of them
Starting point is 01:09:40 and it'll devastate her or whatever. And then Clara comes home to Morgan, this is where Alison Williams is like kicking the door off the hinges, the swinging kitchen door that she's hated all these years or whatever. It's the house that he grew up
Starting point is 01:09:56 in and something also later in the movie, you see her vaguely sketching things like that might be a job at some point. Oh yeah. Yeah. Interior design. What is the financial situation? Like, is it a big insurance payment?
Starting point is 01:10:11 Like, was this dude loaded? How are you surviving in America with a dead husband? You know what I mean? And no job. Right. I imagine it's insurance. It was my guess. But then just say it once.
Starting point is 01:10:23 And then she will. I mean, but Steve, come on. She's going to fall into a great interior design job. Right. I mean, when she's ready, of course. Like, she's got to be ready. Well, she sure can draw, I don't know, fucking cabinets. So there you go.
Starting point is 01:10:36 know what it is? You know what it is? Here's what it is. It is how in that first Ninja Turtles movie, April O'Neill is sketching all them turtles at the farmhouse, but she's really like a TV reporter and like, this is just a hobby. This is like Allison Williams' hobby slash like it's the thing. It's the desire that she buried because she got knocked up and married a car. Yeah. So that's they sort of allude to like passion. Because she's, Clara later in the movie is like, didn't you ever have any dreams? Didn't you give a shit about your life at all? Just to be like, yeah, I did. And I found. fucking gave it all up to have you, you fucking
Starting point is 01:11:08 thankless piece of shit child of mine. Yep. And then this is about, like, Franco shows up. Yeah, Franco just shoves this baby off and is like, listen. He just smiled like Scott Eastwood, it's your problem now, which.
Starting point is 01:11:23 Nice. Yeah. It's wild. And he goes, she goes, you're not, you're just, so you're just going to dump your son on me? And he goes, not my son and peels out of this driveway, dude. And we kick into, I have to say, I dig on the original song quite a bit.
Starting point is 01:11:42 This cover of third eye blinds, how's it going to be? Not too bad. Oh, the sad one. Not too bad. Yeah, it's all right. But this is, it's kind of a funny shot here. I do appreciate this. The song's playing, Alza Williams is in the grocery store.
Starting point is 01:11:54 And the way they frame the shot of like the baby and then a wine bottle on each side of the baby. She is becoming a wine mom. She's like, she's graduating the wine mom right here. Yes. because remember it was very important before the death. Yes. It was always, I'm not drinking. I don't feel like drinking.
Starting point is 01:12:11 I don't need to be drinking. And now she's getting them red solo cups out, dude. She's getting back to party mode. She's trying to be nice to her dead husband, guys. He loved her drunk. That's right. Oh, yeah. It's a nice way to remember him.
Starting point is 01:12:24 Tribute. Yeah, it's a beautiful tribute. You know, she's going out of the target where she's buying all this and like her hands starts shaking and just starts going towards a, this is wine country hanging. poster. Why am I doing this? Why? Oh, fuck. She's buying all those bullshit things you find at Target with all those platitudes on it and whatnot. He isn't really gone, Jim, if we're drunk and we remember him, actually. It's true. Yeah, Jim Boy, like where we say back of the day, live, laugh, rosé, or some
Starting point is 01:12:56 shit, right? It's wide o'clock somewhere, Jim Boy. We're living on Lake Time now, Jim Boy. So yeah, Clara Clara then goes over to Jonas because Alza Williams was getting wasted in the middle of the day. So this girl's like, all right, I got to clear this up.
Starting point is 01:13:16 There's a weird, I love a good odd pronunciation where Clara's like banging on the door and like Franco's not getting the door at first. And she goes, I can hear the TV. Yeah. Like the emphasis on the T? Very weird.
Starting point is 01:13:29 And he's just weird to the ear. Nipple, nipple long fucking bright eyes shirt at this point, man. Oh, dude, yeah, these are, it's fucking cutting right through the B and the S, dude. His nipples are pointing right out of the shirt. Clara's going to get an eye poked out if he moves too fast. And he just, you know, she just, you know, reads him the riot act about, you know, you got to, you got to fucking take care of your own fucking kid.
Starting point is 01:13:50 We got enough going on in our house, honestly. Exactly. It's a real, like, how about you go get your son? Yeah, don't you, come on, don't you have a mother? Isn't she supposed to take care of all your fucking, all the problems you have? And that's where he does go. Like, he just puts the kid with the mother. Dude, he's got to keep leaving the baby with his mother so he can keep going back to Allison Williams' house and do stuff that doesn't involve taking care of the kid.
Starting point is 01:14:12 Also, because otherwise, if he's left with this kid too long and he just keeps on seeing the car flashing its headlights in his eyes, then he's going to throw this baby off a bridge. He's going to do it. You can read it. It's those looks he does. He's a weird fella. I'm telling you, you let it. He's a wily little freak, dude. Yeah, it's fucked up.
Starting point is 01:14:31 The mom is like, no, I'll take the kid again. You can, you know, I guess. go after your crush. That's great. No, get him, dear. I'll just be here. Missing your father. Oh, look.
Starting point is 01:14:43 Oh, honey, you know, you should come here. He grew, it's so, it's adorable. His first rear-view mirror. It's right here. Oh, look at that. Oh, he shifted gears all by himself. Look at that. She actually does use a little bit of bribery here.
Starting point is 01:14:58 She's like, oh, the baby rolled over yesterday. And he's like, oh, my God, he did? And she's like, no, but he might soon. and you might miss it. Go get your fucking baby. Dumbass. Also, I will clean your shitty house for $50. Yes. I would be, it would be so tempting, right? Just to throw it in this kid's face, right?
Starting point is 01:15:15 Like, that kid is your brother. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, dude. He wanted to. You clearly wanted to. Oh, yeah. I wish there was a little bit of confirmation on that. I mean, it's kind of nice in the sense that, like, Franco, again, this conflict is wrapped up in two minutes.
Starting point is 01:15:31 He literally goes back after getting yelled at by a teenager and takes the baby. apologizes. So it is kind of nice that there's no like the test results are in or like he does decide to unconditionally. Apparently in the book you do know that it is actually Chris's kid.
Starting point is 01:15:46 Ooh, interesting. She only fucked Dave Franco to kind of like throw you know, throw some dirt on the trail there. You know what I mean? Fucked him. Oh, so she really sucked. Yes, yeah, exactly. That's that's kind of a very different picture of much different. That's interesting. I honestly
Starting point is 01:16:03 kind of better this way, frankly. That's crazy. That's like sexual espionage. That's something else. Well, anytime someone tells you you don't need a condom, your eyebrow has to go way up. Unless you're in a committed relationship and you know it's right. You've had this conversation a couple of times. It's a little like, wait a second, hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, there's some, what is the fucking, the argument he makes in Marty Supreme where he's, it's not mine. I pull out. Does your husband pull out?
Starting point is 01:16:32 Which of course always makes me think of the line in the great dirty work by Jack Warden. Back in my day, we didn't have all these advanced birth control methods. Like pulling out. Fucking great line. God damn, that's a great movie. So yeah, Franco comes back, apologizes, takes the baby, whatever, it's all totally fine. Clara later is at a coffee shop. And again, this dude, Psycho City, he texts her and is just like, hey, want to hang out?
Starting point is 01:16:59 She's like, yeah, I'm getting coffee shop. I'm getting coffee at this coffee shop or whatever Yeah, let's meet up And then like he's right there already Yeah How do you know she's there dude? You don't have to find my phone app You're fucking driving around town looking for
Starting point is 01:17:12 Yeah Well that's a famous thing in the movies It's different when you like them Yeah When you like when it's a cute boy That you actually have feelings for Yeah It doesn't really matter
Starting point is 01:17:22 He stalks you that's good actually That's on the good book Uh but so their their date involves Moving this sign a little farther down the road We do have a line that also speaking of the Ninja Turtles is kind of like perfect for them, right? So I'll say the line like a Ninja Turtle, right? Well, you know, the things we do for love of pizza.
Starting point is 01:17:46 Yeah. That is what we're talking about here. That's what he says. It's pretty ridiculous. But we go back to the farmhouse here. We're feeding these cute goats, which is nice. He lets it slip that Gramps, Clancy Brown, is suffering from cancer.
Starting point is 01:18:00 he's starting some treatment, which is throwing this kid's whole possibility of going to film school, possibly out the window. You know, he's Gramps is the only parent I ever had. My mom died when I was little and my dad, well, your parents told you all about my dad, so I don't have to rehash that.
Starting point is 01:18:16 You know, it's nice to see that Josh Boone is growing as a storyteller because the first time we saw him, you know, out here, the girlfriend, the love of the life, she had the cancer. Now it's just poor Gramps. He's supposed to have the can. He's at the age when you know, supposed to have the cancer at the very least.
Starting point is 01:18:32 It's a more normal little way of being, even though you've got this random hearts, like that's what I forgot that random hearts exists. And then also when I watched this movie, I'm like, I've seen something like this has happened before. What a Harrison Ford movie? Yeah. It's a Ford literally what happens is Kristen Scott Thomas
Starting point is 01:18:48 and him, like they're they were on a plane together. They were on like some sex vacation together and they died together and they find out like they find out. Yeah, it's like what they were doing. Yeah, exactly. So Harrison Ford's not the main character of that movie? No, it's him and Chris and Scott Thomas are together.
Starting point is 01:19:04 They are finding out like what happened. They die together? They're partners. Yeah. They are like Allison Williams and Dave Franco. Wait, he gives her cancer from him. Yes, that's what I said. Okay.
Starting point is 01:19:17 Yeah, my grandfather said he got cancer. I mean, he said he got it fighting in a bug war on outer space, but I just don't think that's true. I think he's losing it. I do think he's losing it. he said he busted down to private when that war just went off. I don't believe that shit either. Is he in that movie? I haven't seen that in ages.
Starting point is 01:19:36 Yeah, he's in that. He's the guy who beats the motherbug at the end. Like he literally tells him to bust him down to private because he wants to shoot more bugs. Oh, I saw it once on VHS, man. I've never been back. Well, I'm from Buenos Aires and I say kill him all.
Starting point is 01:19:54 I, you know what? Because he's passed I think the new crown I'm going to move it of the Now We're Talking moves from Because he's gone David Warner The Clancy Brown He's he's currently holding it currently
Starting point is 01:20:08 What a beautiful move That's a beautiful move Yeah honestly no I appreciate that Because now we're talking Clancy Brown It's it's either live action shit Or in voiceover he does so much stuff With a lot of like the DC animated world And whatever that like
Starting point is 01:20:20 Yeah dude it isn't now we're talking Clancy Brown He fucking adds to everything Like I rated this movie one and a half star and one of those is for Clancy Brown altogether. Yeah, he shows up in The Penguin. He's fucking great on that. Yeah. I was like, now we're talking the Penguin.
Starting point is 01:20:38 Look at this. Clancy Brown. Franco comes over for coffee. He's always coming over for coffee in this movie. There's like nine different scenes where he's just coming over for coffee. Would you like Jolly Ranchers? I'm attracted to you. This is where he says that,
Starting point is 01:20:51 because he spies one of these little drawings that she's got going here. And he reminds her that he used to sit behind her in school watching her doodle. And she says something about like, oh, yeah, you were probably thinking about all the girls you wanted or whatever it is. And he goes, trust me, I was never thinking of anyone else. And it is like, doosh chill. It's psychotic. Doodle is what I called your ass, by the way. Look at that.
Starting point is 01:21:18 She's got a doodle on her. The hell of a doodle. Like movies and books would have you believe lifelong crushes are these. beautiful things to be celebrated. They're creepy. They're creepy as hell. A crush about like, oh, you know, in high school I had a crush on this girl and blah, blah, blah. And like, occasionally,
Starting point is 01:21:36 like, oh, yeah, she's attractive. I had a crush. I had a crush on her. Is the way you have to refer to it. Right. She's my one true love from forever ago. I love her so much. You can't be talking about a crush that you had before you had a driver's license.
Starting point is 01:21:52 And now you're a fucking grown-ass man. You can't help you. I don't even know this cuts to a scene because he's like Oh you know Listened to old musical Bring you right back to the old days Right?
Starting point is 01:22:04 They put on some Oh, Oh dude I missed it It's a stereo It's actually a good song Do you remember when we scissored Do you remember that
Starting point is 01:22:12 When we scissored in the pool together It was so wonderful Well that's the thing They scissor And then she's like I guess he had a crush on me I'm like you fucking You got the second base with this kid
Starting point is 01:22:23 Dude you could feel his penis getting hard through the bathing suit. There's no way around it. Oh, geez, you liked me? I had no idea. Oh, that was your dick. I thought he was trying to get some leaves with that. He was cleaning the pool, no. Thought that was just a fucking pool noodle.
Starting point is 01:22:40 They're in the pool, like, kind of playing around. And they literally genital to genital scissor each other for like. Yeah. It's actually pretty hot. It's the hottest part of the movie. And then what, Scott Eastwood comes by and they're like, oh, we have to hide underwater a question. Scott Eastwood and the sister come in
Starting point is 01:22:57 and Scott Eastwood's like six bags, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. Awesome. And then I think she goes underwater to just fucking drown herself because she's so mortified in that moment, you see. Are you sizzled my girlfriend, bro? Yo, bro, why does this pool taste like my girlfriend, if you know what I'm saying? Yo, I scissors your girlfriend, bro.
Starting point is 01:23:18 Let's talk about it. I scissors your girlfriend. I scissors up. my noodle goes across the pool this way and it noodles her oh man there's also
Starting point is 01:23:42 right before that is a quick scene where it's a big sort of Miller and Clara scene and again it's not the fucking hotline you think it is dude where he's like actually Clara you weren't the backup to my girlfriend. She was the backup plan to you. I've not been able to stop thinking about you since whatever. They admit that they've had things for each other for a long time and then we just start making out in this parking lot.
Starting point is 01:24:06 And it's this fucking weird like, oh, so that's our first kiss. It was pretty good. And she's like, how did you think our first kiss was going to be? And he's, it's fucking tongue patrol. Dude, look out. Good song alert. This is from, this track is from the album Connor Oberst and, Phoebe Bridges put out better oblivion community center? Yes. Good album That's a great year. Good album, yeah. But yes, it is the weird Yeah, sometimes I just time travel through
Starting point is 01:24:37 music. And this flashback also like Them trying to make them look like high school kids It's so bad. It's hilarious. It is so funny. You could just, you could have the movie without it. Like, or higher younger actors just have them be them. It's fine. You can find some some nubile lookalikes, you know? It's possible.
Starting point is 01:24:56 You know what? No, that's the, here's your issue right there. If you get younger actors, you are running the risk. They might be much better than the rest of these. Yeah. You get some unknowns in here who have really something to prove in these scenes. I don't know, man. I mean, you got to, I mean, chances are the girl would be better than Alston.
Starting point is 01:25:15 I would have to be. You don't want to embarrass her father by getting another actress in here. Oh, her father embarrasses himself. I was going to say, pretty embarrassing, man. Totally fine. So the line that he has, by the way, so yeah, they start scissoring in this school, this figure four leglock we got going on. And he says to her, I'm worried we got it wrong. She knows exactly what he means, but then it's beer o'clock. Here comes. Scotties. How sad is this, right? It's just like, damn, dude, you know how we're turning 18 tomorrow?
Starting point is 01:25:47 Well, we got it wrong. We have to marry the first person in high school. Yeah, exactly. I have to psychotically date your sister, because. she smells enough like you. Like it's fucking weird, dude. Yeah, yeah, because you use the same laundry detergent, so it's fine. Oh, you have the same nose. You have the same nose.
Starting point is 01:26:07 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Here is one of those situations. It's rare I know where lifetime would have gotten this right and would have made Dave Franco more of a creep. A hundred percent. They would just know this more. They would understand the morals of this and be like, no, that guy's weirdo. He's been fucking in love
Starting point is 01:26:23 with this lady for 15 years. Exactly. This should end with her shooting him in the head or something. Yes. And if it was lifetime, the movie would not be called regretting you. It would be called the wrong cuck. Yes. And now we're fucking cooking with gas, all right?
Starting point is 01:26:39 Now we got something. And so the funny thing with this movie is once everything settles into like Clara and Miller doing their thing and Morgan and Jonah doing their thing, it's two movies that are uninterested with connecting with one and another. And the only thing that the script knows that it can do in this kind of situation is just have like little filler scenes before you can get back to bigger scenes. So like we have that scene where it's the flashback and blah, blah, blah, and then Clara breaks it up and it's awkward. There's just a quick scene of Clara at school. They're doing a play rehearsal.
Starting point is 01:27:11 And this is like the friend of hers. They're trying to set her up with the AV nerd that also works. I think it's the same kid that works at the movie theater. Ephron and Lexi. Oh, yeah, dude. I shipped them. and it's just this like oh maybe they could get together what the a v nerd i don't know and then it just cuts back to franco coming back to the house because the baby's got a cold the amount of shots of
Starting point is 01:27:34 fucking dave franco walking through the front door of this house there's like 15 different scenes where this happens i mean then let's just go right into another one where they find uh he he goes there to help remove the cabinet tree in the toolbox he finds the love letters that we're not going to investigate but they decide to trash this painting that Jenny got Chris because you don't know Chris like I know Chris apparently She said it.
Starting point is 01:27:59 Morgan told her Jenny told Morgan to buy it. Yeah. You don't know your husband like I do. Okay. I thought she was joking. This is really traumatic. And I mean, again, like,
Starting point is 01:28:12 this would devastate. You would be like, not only have you lost your sister and you're, like, there's just levels of emotion we're just not getting anywhere near this. no it just it's it's it's it whizzes right past it like you should do with every hitchhiker you see but so here's the this is a weird one this is a weird one and it's not long enough so i couldn't do
Starting point is 01:28:35 a uh shazam for it but franco is like oh you got beef with that painting i have an idea and they're throwing eggs at it and like destroying it or whatever too did you guys notice this there's just a cue of swing music for some reason. For what? What are you fucking talking about? Listen, Jenna and Chris always hated swing. This will really teach them. We're going to jump-time and wail on this painting. So what we're going to do?
Starting point is 01:29:07 Yeah, that I squirrel nut zippered up his body bag. That fucking dead son of a bitch. Oh, man. So then, you know, here we go. So now the other, the other move. has to, they don't kiss right here, the other movie has to take over. And so we are back to AMC theaters. We got a private screening of, you guessed it, the Paramount-owned Clueless. Sure. Yep, pretty good. And so it is a thing that I, I was in that business for a long time
Starting point is 01:29:35 close to, over two decades. There was no moment ever where the theater had to close for 48 hours because they were cleaning the floor. This isn't a real. thing. If you have major cleans like that, they come in overnights and do that shit. If it's painting, maintenance, whatever, it is overnights. You do not close a movie theater, a fucking AMC multiplex for 48
Starting point is 01:30:00 hours to clean the floor. And even if you were, these little scumfucks aren't getting the run of the theater to just play shit on their own. Yeah, they're cleaning the theater. They've got to clean the come off because this girl's jacking this dude off to Clueless. Yep. And also, absolutely. Unforgiving too, because it's like, don't show me a better
Starting point is 01:30:16 movie in your movie. I would rather be watching Clueless now while I'm jerking off Miller Adams. Share, what are you wearing? Also, Clara, what are you doing? Hold on. What's going on? Why am I talking to the audience? Clara, is that his wrench dressing all over the... They were just cleaning the floors. Shut up, Dan Hadea. I don't even know how you're talking to me through the screens. I got to get rid of this golden ticket. I got fucking... I played Nixon once. but so this is it's uh what's going on here oh this is we get more of the jolly ranchers thing it actually he loves the jolly ranchers but he knew you see
Starting point is 01:30:58 that the watermelons were her favorite and that drops these panties so romantic this is this feels just like the in high school yeah sure okay he saves the candies for you but this is what a stunted relationship this is yeah i'm curious uh is this the clueless seat, is that what she says she's a virgin and she wants to fuck on prom night? Yes. Oh, yeah. That's it.
Starting point is 01:31:23 Well, he, because my favorite exchange of this movie, I think Mason Tames is fine in the grabber movies. You know, he's a pretty good kid actor. I really hope you're about to point out the line. I'm hoping you're pointing out. Which she goes, I'm a virginia. I've got a cure for that. It's a meat sword.
Starting point is 01:31:45 Oh, my. a four and a half inch cure for that sweetheart. Yeah, you need one round of a hot beef injection. Gonna rock your world for two minutes. Yeah, two pumps. Oh my God. But thankfully,
Starting point is 01:32:00 it's not that kind of movie. He is like totally fine with it. He's like, if that's what you want, that's great. Dumb line, though, I'm having a wonderful time not having sex with you. Yeah. But yeah, the agreement is made. Handtops are good.
Starting point is 01:32:17 Hand chops are nice. Yeah, you didn't specify nothing about that. You know, the movie's still got like 45 minutes. Ephraun, I think, is still cleaning the floor. He's not going to bother us. It's all right. Ephra, into it. But Franco, while that is all happening, he's at the house.
Starting point is 01:32:31 And he also, it's this whole she lays into him about, like, leaving this, that, and the other thing. And he's like, my biggest regret is not telling you how I felt. I left because of you, one of those lines thrown out. I'm sure that makes her feel real good about herself. and Franco in this moment is trying to say because he's trying to make the move here it doesn't happen right here but he's like you know whatever
Starting point is 01:32:52 like oh their betrayal shouldn't dictate the rest of your life Morgan like yeah I know where you're going with this too yeah we all see what's going on there so Allison Williams decides you're right these deaths shouldn't dictate how she lives her life montage of her remodeling
Starting point is 01:33:08 this house some more Clara is like waiting on college acceptance I think you do see she gets a thing that says she was accepted to this drama program or whatever. Yeah, like she's doing some big cabinet restructure and it breaks and Clara's like, get me out of here. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:24 And we see these dudes. They see the Friday the 13th at the coffee shop, refuge coffee, but it's like three mentions in this. It must be a local spot, I guess. It might be, yeah, but yeah, that's right. They're watching part four another Paramount title, if you can believe it. You know, but the Paramount Pictures
Starting point is 01:33:40 is a lot of great movie. They should look into that. And you know what? Don't worry. Soon they'll own every movie in every studio so yeah everything will be paramounts and then all sorts of fun stuff
Starting point is 01:33:50 can be placed in regretting you too yeah but so there is one in this you know all these like quick scenes sort of loosely
Starting point is 01:33:58 cut together as montage they are playing poker with Gramps and this one thing and it's like oh we don't have any money blah blah blah and he's like
Starting point is 01:34:06 yeah but we got air and this whole thing about air got all this air and he's like air is worthless Gramps yeah you don't
Starting point is 01:34:13 know what you're talking about. Don't worry. I'll leave that for the last scene of the movie for it to have no impact on anything whatsoever. As you're putting your coat on, I'll give you some crucial information. Twist. Williams is sort of remembering the pool moment and she has this
Starting point is 01:34:33 they don't do a Dolly Zoom, but it would have been appropriate in this dumb movie to do a Dolly Zoom when she realized like, oh fuck when we were scissoring, we fell in love. Yep. I guess that was sort of a sexual maneuver when our pelvuses were pushing against one another. I don't not pick up on that. It wasn't dry humping.
Starting point is 01:34:53 It was wet humping. It was. And then you get more of like Miller and Clara like making out right here. Dude in his room where right prominently plays. Chris Cabin. Did you see this on the nightstand? Sydney Lumet's famous making movies book. I'm sure you're making your way through that while you're fingering your girlfriend.
Starting point is 01:35:11 I'm sure. and again like this is so insane right so she's like btw tomorrow's my birthday it's not a big deal and he's like well it's a big deal to me cut to fucking dave franco coming through this door again and this is the part where they start making out right and then she comes back and she is absolutely devowed clara mcheneggerie said i mean she just saw mommy kissing santa claus basically you fuck she wishes it was santa claus dude what are you kidding me I will say McKenna Grace outacts Allison Williams that have returned in this and she's like, yeah disgusting.
Starting point is 01:35:47 Dude, it's a really good year disgusting. It is a fantastic year disgusting. Think Dorislam. And here's where I have a huge problem. So she goes into her room. She's devowed. They have their prom sex plan and she's like, hey, Miller, you up? Well, how about after work you come over here and fuck my brains out?
Starting point is 01:36:04 Bring a condom. Dude, what the hell? So, okay, so you see your mom making out with your uncle, right? and that gets you hot that's a good some revenge sex yeah revenge against two it's a great question
Starting point is 01:36:21 the two of them I think boy this will really turn their face right I want to feel anything but this kind of I think that's kind of where they're aiming for I'll use that logic to light another fucking spliff what are we talking about
Starting point is 01:36:33 I'm shocked that you know so he comes over there's he kind of overreacts or something right like well first of all I want to say they have sex they have like they do but they don't hang on a second they don't finish show it and they don't allude to it until well after this scene no you're seeing she does the she does the requisite first time yeah yeah and he's like is this that happens kind of a deal that yeah yeah it you're not going to see penetration in a in a movie no unfortunately
Starting point is 01:37:04 collian hoover novel yeah Andy Warhol's regretting you somehow didn't make its way to theaters I'm sorry This kid sneaking through the window pulls a goddamn Cosmo Kramer. He falls all over the place. And she's like, my mom's asleep. I was like, not anymore. There's a burglary taking place. So they're kind of boning softly. And then what you really don't want to have happen midbone, she just starts crying.
Starting point is 01:37:30 Which obviously would happen. And he's like, you know, he's a good guy stops. And he's like, what's going on? Check it in with your partner, as they say. Sure. It's a really ill placement of a picture of Scott Eastwood. And her and Jenny. It's like weirdly right above her looking at her somehow.
Starting point is 01:37:50 I don't know where this thing is. Sure hope you're not fucking behind your mom's back like I was. Well, that's the way of his part. To Eric's point, she goes like, oh, I was just so upset. My mom was fooling around with my uncle. And he's like, so you're doing this to get back at them? You didn't care about it. my feelings and I'm like this girl's dad is barely cold.
Starting point is 01:38:13 It seems like an overreaction on his part. Oh yeah. It's a huge over. This kid's a douchebag. It's a, it's overreaction. I think it's exactly, it's what a teenager of this kind of guy would do. Like, I think he just would fuck this thing up. But then also like, yeah, I mean, it's not even his first time either.
Starting point is 01:38:29 It's not, you know, it's like special for them. But like, you can just be like, oh, okay. You know, blah, blah, blah. Are you just check on her again because again, the dad is barely. There is a funny line though where she does fuck up though. I'm sorry. When she goes, it wasn't personal. And he's like, exactly.
Starting point is 01:38:46 Yeah, that's, well, but you know. And this is a guy with, what kind of body count you think he's working with? He's been through the ringer. Well, how many girls working at that pizza place? He's that guy. Went through that staff. All these Shelby's. A lot of Shelby's.
Starting point is 01:38:59 A lot of Shelby's. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Next morning, of course, wouldn't you know what Morgan walks into the bedroom there and everybody freaks out because he agrees. he's like, I'm not going to leave, I'll stay here till you fall asleep and then I'm going to get out of there.
Starting point is 01:39:12 But wouldn't you know if they both fell asleep for the whole night? So Allison Williams is fucking freaking out, yelling, blah, blah, blah, that whole thing. He gets her a snow globe for her birthday. This weird, like, I'm sure maybe they expand on it a little more in the book, but just in the movie, it is just she's got a shelf with snow globes, man, and that is all you're getting. And this is like a drama, the drama masks is a snow globe. So it's like doubly personal.
Starting point is 01:39:37 She's like, oh, it's perfect. You know. Yeah. You're a weird hobby and the thing you want to do with the rest of your life coming together, yes. And also like uncle fucking whatever. Uncle Dave Franco can come to this girl's birthday. Uncle Dave Franco needs to take a few days off to your point, Andrew, from walking through that front door. He's got to leave that door behind for a few days, dude.
Starting point is 01:39:59 He has to you. Her to you. Her to you. Yeah. Yeah. Why can't she come over to his? Well, because she's fucking wasted all the time. that's why he's going over there.
Starting point is 01:40:10 That's the problem. Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's fair. So yes, Claire's birthday dinner is just one douchech chill after another. And I'm sorry, this girl is acting like a fucking petulant child. I know that she is a teenager and is still a child. But like she's acting like a six-year-old. She's scraping her fucking fork on the plate just to be annoying. Oh, my God. It's a child. It's one douche chill after another. Don't you find that to be true? Don't you find that to be true? but then like she uses all these this moment to like drop that she got into college as sort of like a weapon
Starting point is 01:40:43 yes yeah well yeah because franco franco i guess wrote a recommendation letter for miller or whatever and miller trying to like not make this horribly awkward he's like oh uh mrs alison williams the dinner's really good oh dave franco thanks for writing me that recommendation letter for film school or whatever. And then fucking Clara is just like, oh, here's one. How long have you been boning your dead friend's wife? Oh, shit. Nice. Yep.
Starting point is 01:41:13 Bombed up. And then you've got this, the friend character, Lexi, who's just at this dinner awkwardly. And Alison Williams is like, hey, you know, like, there's a family crisis happening here. Like, maybe you should go home. And you've got the joke of like, I'm staying over, remember? We're going to ride
Starting point is 01:41:29 this shit out together. I was like, why don't you fucking leave and we'll see you at the This character is fucking... I will say this kid is very much like me as a teenager because she is just like she's absorbing all the shame and the power and the pain all around her. But she knows she's got those two wine
Starting point is 01:41:45 bottles and the bag. She's like, when is the mom going to sleep? When is the mom going to? Yeah, you're right. You know what I mean? Like, when is when is it drinking time? Gonna do what kids ought to be doing. Going to cemeteries are getting drunk. Yes. This is what you're supposed to be doing as a child. But first we have another Miller Adams overreaction because
Starting point is 01:42:02 Oh, she got into the college of her choice. So now he's mad because he doesn't know if he got into school yet. I'm in the waiting list. He's throwing it in her face. I'm going to be stuck here in Nowheresville. Hey, kids, kids, kids, listen up. You're graduating high school. You're never going to see.
Starting point is 01:42:20 You're done with this town. You're done with these townspeople, okay? You could move on. You shouldn't be, fuck them, sure, whatever. Have fun. But you can't be getting into a serious relationship. when you're both moving to different cities or states, presumably?
Starting point is 01:42:36 No, they are trying to go to the same school. What school is that? I think it's a fake school of some time. It's UNSC, yeah, that's it. Oh, okay. So maybe it's real, maybe it's not, I don't know. But they are trying to go to the same school together. And I think it's just a thing where he freaks out
Starting point is 01:42:50 because this is the second time in 24 hours that something she has said they're sort of like going to work toward together she has gone and like done differently. I think it's kind of the idea. And also he's stuck to take it. Karen's in the chemo and he's pissed off about that. Don't be. And also, yeah, okay, go to the same
Starting point is 01:43:07 college, but you kind of can't be like the married couple freshman year. Well, that's turkey drop time, dude. I mean, you're dooming. This relationship is doomed, I think. Of course. Doom. You're all doomed. Unless you both work at the fucking rodeo and you never leave the time. They drink on, and pour one out on Aunt Jenny's grave. This is slightly disrespectful,
Starting point is 01:43:29 in my opinion, but sure. Sure. Pour it on my grave. I want some of that. Could you not pour a fucking grieve? Can you not puke on my grave? I'll say don't puke on my grave. She peopes on the father's grave, dude. That is truly something. Do you not pour a fucking
Starting point is 01:43:44 yellow tail on my fucking grave please, thank you. Yellow tail charaz. By the way, we're finding her at the cemetery using the Find My Phone stalker app once again, mom. She's going to be using that in college to be like, I think that's
Starting point is 01:44:01 the boys dormitory. She's. Let's drive there and freak the fuck out. Panny raid. I should say parent raid. It's more of a parent raid actually, yes. So then here's the example of the worst timing anyone's had in this movie. Next morning, Clara wakes up. She's fucking hungover.
Starting point is 01:44:24 And it's a wine hangover, ladies and gentlemen, I will tell you that the wine hangover is the worst in the family of hangovers. Sure. And so she's got that going on And Morgan, the mother is actually very nicely like here, drink this, this, you know, here's what you're going to. I know you're feeling like shit, blah, blah, blah, blah. So she knows that her daughter has this wine hangover. Not exactly the time to break the news about the truth.
Starting point is 01:44:48 No, my God. My head is splitting enough. Yep. Because the whole thing here is Morgan starts freaking out. And she's like, it's my fault. I was texting Aunt Jenny. And Aunt Jenny was looking at the text and that's why she crashed the car. So I understand in that you want to de-escalate that,
Starting point is 01:45:06 just kind of correct it, whatever, diffuse that. That's what I meant to say. But maybe wait till the afternoon, at least. For that time period, just be like, you know, you can't blame yourself, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Wait till this hangover goes away. Oh, my God. Just rip it off like a band-aid here. No, no, honey, honey, Jenny wasn't driving the car.
Starting point is 01:45:26 She was sucking your father's dick, which distracted him while he. he was driving. Jenny was a friend of car. How does she know this, Chris? She had a find my mouth app for Jenny. Oh, I see. Those are new.
Starting point is 01:45:45 A nice little back and forth line right here where Alice Williams says, I would never do that to your father and aunt Jenny, to which Clary goes, even though they did that to you? Yeah. Yeah, that is a conundrum, is it not?
Starting point is 01:46:00 but then we have this it's this like sweetish moment right and then we got to break it up by Lexi farting herself awake on the couch like oh I'm in the movie yeah comedic relief I shit on your couch I shit on your couch I puke on your grave
Starting point is 01:46:16 these are good movie ideas I was gonna say titles but so boy we gotta go back to AMC theaters dude because Clara is all fucking upset and whatnot and she runs up to this guy who's at work and he's got his little lollipop in his mouth
Starting point is 01:46:35 and his fucking AMC theater's uniform on and they just start making out. Dude, if I'm a Stubbs member, I'm like, this is absolutely ridiculous. What am I paying this exorbitant fee for? Yes, I'm moving quicker in the line and yes, my popcorn is free, but what the fuck? Dude, Clara is now a Stubbs member, right?
Starting point is 01:46:53 Miller Adams' little stub came out and put it in there. Yeah, she could fucking, and see up to three stubs a week. I am a proud Stubbs member and I am not being made out with. What is it like this? Why isn't anybody running to me? Where's my free popcorn and teenage
Starting point is 01:47:12 girl? I'm in the separate line God damn it. Oh, so whatever. Fucking Franco's at home looking at these pictures crying and whatnot. He finds himself a watermelon jolly rancher and he just goes, I always miss one and starts eating it.
Starting point is 01:47:30 And I was like, how frequently are you eating Jolly Ranchers? Dude, this is too much sugar. It's a lot of sugar. These people are frozen in Amber from high school. They still eat Jolly Ranchers and Pop Tarts all day long. It's a bad seed. And so he realizes in that moment, like, you know what? Fuck it.
Starting point is 01:47:48 I'm going to go tell her how I feel. I'm going to go back through that door again, God damn it. And wouldn't you know it? He opens the door. And there she is in the rain. We did get it wrong. It should have been us. they start making out.
Starting point is 01:48:00 Oh yeah. And he fucking passes her this jolly rancher mouth to mouth. Not too shabby, dude. I will say not too shabby. Nice work. And then they fuck by like a fireplace and whatnot. We had that nice shot of them like all canoodled by the fire there. You know they consummated it.
Starting point is 01:48:17 They do Alfred Pennyworth fucking because they're burning those letters while they fuck. That's right. You don't need to see this, Master Wayne. Oh, I'm going. I'm going. must away the letters the letters you got to read those I'm sorry you have to I'm never
Starting point is 01:48:34 burning a letter without reading the content I'm sorry it just I yeah I've never had an orgasm like that and all my dad you and John Cheever that's what you have to be prepared for if you're always going to read the letters true there's nothing wrong with the truth yes I loved him loved him more than anyone I've ever
Starting point is 01:48:54 loved before so fucking good uh so one month later, we're told, and everybody's relationship is totally fixed and it's movie night at the house. Yeah, who cares? Dad's dead. He's been dead for two months. We're over it. Hong Kong, honk, over
Starting point is 01:49:10 it. Yeah. Gives a fuck about that cold meat. No more stupid decisions. No, no, no. It's just, you know, free air, wink, wink, and short movies, I guess. Yeah, well, so then, yeah, Clancy Brown is there, so now everybody's in the
Starting point is 01:49:26 same backyard here. The poor guy. on oxygen at this point. No popcorn for me, just ask oxygen, thanks. This is my movie snack. They got me the spicy kind. He's give me some oxygen-flavored soda. But so, yeah, this whole thing about, you know, the kids like, hey, so I know I wanted to go to film school,
Starting point is 01:49:50 but it's all right. I'm taking care of grams and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, I told you there's money in air. Yes. They're like, Gramps, the movie's over with. What are you talking about? And something, something. Gramps and grandma, who's long gone,
Starting point is 01:50:05 back in the day, bought air rights above buildings in Union Square in New York City. And yes, air rights are a thing. You can buy them and it would prevent people from developing buildings around where you own the air, whatever, unless they have the rights to it.
Starting point is 01:50:19 So Gramps has some of this. And I have to say, air rights over buildings in Union Square, I have a feeling it's worth more than $500,000. Much more. Yeah. But is it directly over the park?
Starting point is 01:50:33 Because they're never going to develop that. Or, you know, if it was like the air rights over like the building where like Warhol's factory used to be or where like the Barnes & Noble is or something. It seems ill to find this. Sure does. It sure does. It doesn't really solve the problem because the kid is more like my grandfather who is like
Starting point is 01:50:52 my dad is dying. I want to be here. Yeah, so I think it's a be there to take care of him, which then Clancy Brown is like, we can pay for all the assisted caregiving and whatever. No worry, I'll just die when you're at college. That's more what the kids worried about. Don't worry, we'll zoom all the time. It's fine. It's the same thing.
Starting point is 01:51:12 I'll die in the arms of a lady that I meet three weeks from now. It'll be fine. Don't worry about it. It will be. I mean, I think he would come back when things are getting really bad. It's just he doesn't have to do the day to day is the ice. and he understands he's a burden and he's working around it's nice.
Starting point is 01:51:29 That's a Clancy Brown exactly. He doesn't want his grandson to fucking ruin his life because he had to take care of him for the last few months of his and, you know, air rights is the answer to it all. Meanwhile, by the way, if any way, it's like a stinger seed practically. It is.
Starting point is 01:51:43 It pretty much is. I thought Sam Jackson was going to come out with the fucking contract. Here's your air rights, sir. But this fucking short film he puts on, dude, you're not going to, if you can go to film school, but you're not going to do well afterwards, I'll tell you that much. this is a terrible film.
Starting point is 01:51:56 It's creepy as fuck. It's very creepy. You've been stalking this girl for years. It's like it's all like the twist. It's like the Kaiser Soze moment. It's like if she turns around and picks me up while I'm moving this sign, I'm gonna fuck her brains out later.
Starting point is 01:52:10 She might not know it right now, but I'm plotting. And then you see him going to like, there's another segment where they're at, they're watching a school play of hers. And Clancy Brown turns, look at my grandson. I think he's in love.
Starting point is 01:52:22 Is that your girlfriend? up there. Quiet, that's my daughter also up. Shut, shut up. My daughter's up there too. This girl is starring in a production of Our Town and Clancy Brown is talking in the third row at the top of his lungs.
Starting point is 01:52:37 Like, she's doing this monologue and he's like, Yeah, it's your crush up there, isn't it? Looking pretty good. You're in love with her. And you're putting this in your movie? Here's some cigarettes. Here's some cigarettes. Take some cigarettes. There's a bunch of cigarettes.
Starting point is 01:52:50 Shut your fucking mouth. Yeah, you're mostly right. The tits are pretty good. They're not great, but they're fine. What you say? You said she was a B plus. That's pretty good. He just leaves it all in the fucking movie.
Starting point is 01:53:04 If she turns around, I break up with Shelby and I start plowing her. Because the idea is it would have been immoral for Miller to start this relationship when he's with Shelby, but he's never in love. Now we know for sure he was never was in love. Ridiculous. Of course. The more of the funnier thing to come out of this. and the more substantial thing, I think, is that Allison Williams is finally like,
Starting point is 01:53:28 you know what, honey, I don't think you're a moron for wanting to act. Yes, I know. You're stupid as shit for wanting to act. Maybe she couldn't make it to Our Town that night. Maybe she never saw her act before. She was a little busy, yeah. But she says to Miller here, like,
Starting point is 01:53:43 oh, that was an adorable prom video. And, you know, so then her and Clara have this, like, little heart to heart, no more than five feet away from everybody else who can definitely hear what they're saying here and they just have this moment. Oh, that's nice. Did you hear that? That's nice. Yeah, yeah. I'm only who I am because of you.
Starting point is 01:54:01 You got me this far. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Very nice. Hey, Miller, is that that girl you have a crush on? Oh, Graham's loosening it, man. He doesn't know. Hey, uh, hey, Miller, uh, the prom invite videos over. We're watching die hard or what? You told me it was a movie night. I'm over here for movie night, Miller. I got my oxygen tank. Die hard on or what?
Starting point is 01:54:19 Hey, Claire, can you share that document with all the numbers for the hospices, the local... Gramps, I keep telling you, Die Hard is not a Paramount movie. It's 20th century. I don't even give a shit if it's like the later ones that totally suck.
Starting point is 01:54:33 I just need some John McLean right now. I don't get out of bed unless it's going in John McLean movies. Come on. Oh, man, Miller, movie night reminds me of when we used to show Reed to Hayworth movies
Starting point is 01:54:43 to the prison I was a guard at. No, grandpa. No, grandpa. You're going to show me an Ethan Hunt picture? Well, why don't you hunt me down a John McLean fucking picture now
Starting point is 01:54:55 and cut this shit. Oh, bad. So that's, I mean, that's pretty much the end of the movie. We do have like a bullshit post-credit thing where they finally get the fucking sign move for the pizza delivery.
Starting point is 01:55:13 God. Call up ordering pineapple on pizza. And we don't find out if it worked. It wouldn't because the guy would be like, no, dude, my fucking app tells me that you're out of my delivery zone. I'm not doing it. Yep. Done.
Starting point is 01:55:26 Precisely, man. It's so fucking stupid. But that is what the movie decides to end on, a pineapple on pizza joke. So you're, don't worry, everybody. We'll have you laughing as you leave the theater.
Starting point is 01:55:35 Oh, yeah. Sad leaving the sad car accident movie. Pitting each other on the back. Just fucking, letting it roar. But shit, man, that is the end of it.
Starting point is 01:55:44 We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts and recommendations. Chris Cabin. No, thank you. I have, unbeknownst to me, aside from the stand,
Starting point is 01:55:53 I have become a Josh Boone completeness. I've seen all of his movies somehow. And this really is this may be the worst of the bunch. It is hard to the acting. It cannot be described. I think McKenna Grace and Miller time are pretty good.
Starting point is 01:56:09 They're holding their own. Less is expected of them. They're handling very like mercurial emotions pretty well, I think. The fucking adults, there's no goddamn reason to explain. Like, this is so bad. And I was so shocked to find out like they were just,
Starting point is 01:56:25 nobody was talking about these performances. It's some of the worst acting I've seen this year. I will say that. And even Franco, who I think is good in other things, just doesn't do anything. He just kind of is making these looks that confuse me half the time and, and, you know, being kind of a creep. It doesn't help me with this romantic drama you have me watching here, fellow. You know, whatever, Clancy Brown's. It's nice to see Clancy Brown.
Starting point is 01:56:50 But yeah, I cannot in good conscience tell anybody to watch this. Eric Siska Yeah I mean it's not for me Obviously it's not a recommend I it's okay to like a movie You know as much as I I don't like this movie For various reasons At least it's you know
Starting point is 01:57:05 About adult relationships And the fact that it did well in the theaters Without being you know Ghostbusters 18 or whatever Is something It's not nothing But I personally did not have A lot of fun with this
Starting point is 01:57:19 I was watching those piss play videos On my laptop During this I will recommend. Those, some great acting in that. Splish, splash, I was taking a bath. Volume 2. Steve Saneh.
Starting point is 01:57:32 Yeah, no, it's not for me. I think, to Chris's point, I think that the adult performances really weigh this movie down. It could have been a cute teen rom-dram deal. Get from the wrong side of the tracks, kind of blah, blah, blah. Play that up.
Starting point is 01:57:48 You know, it's clearly like a star... Pretty and pink without any of the comedy. Yeah, like it's a starring vehicle for Mechanic Grace who's kind of coming on as a as a young younger team you know just probably in her 20s or 19 or whatever you know she's getting into that phase of her acting career
Starting point is 01:58:02 that's clearly announcing what this is supposed to be but man Allison Williams can't do it man she just cannot do it and I just think it also it's like it's too heavily laden with all of the implications of all these things that are just just it overweighs it to the point
Starting point is 01:58:18 where you're like well that's not even romantic it's creepy and sad you know So yeah, it's a no for me as well. Yeah, it's a no for me because it's not for me. You know, if you like these kind of things, you're a fan of these books and whatnot. Like, I'm sure you'll dig on it. Maybe you also like that Blake Lively disaster.
Starting point is 01:58:37 It's based on a book from the same author. But yeah, you know, I agree. I think the kids do a better job here. I was actually kind of stunned watching the movie how much it is the adults in it. I really thought they would just be like, parents the kind of dealing with all that crap off screen and it's just this teen you know romance or whatever but it is not that and i'm sure it functions structurally better in a book because again books can flip-flop storylines i think with a little more ease sometimes than movies can and to me this just really felt like two different things and i'm not kidding you dave franco walks through that door to start 15 different scenes in this movie it's just it's not a fully baked one of these but eric to your point I am really glad that this was super fucking successful
Starting point is 01:59:23 at the box office. And I'm glad that that showed there is a market for these things and by all means keep making them. They won't always appear on this show. But, you know, keep making them. Keep putting those things out there because these movies are important for the cinema-going ecosystem,
Starting point is 01:59:39 especially at AMC Theater. But that is going to do it for this episode on regretting you. If you'd like more We Hate Movies, of course, check out the Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies, where you can get We Hate Movies episodes just like this one, completely ad-free.
Starting point is 01:59:53 That's right. Zero commercials on those bad boys. And as well as the host, the litany of bonus shows that we have going on. Chris Cabin, we on Melrose 2 and O, we had a very big episode earlier this month. God, we've been doing a double, it's a double 902 and O this month. It was double Melrose placed the month before. Now we are focusing on commencement. Donna Summer is indeed graduating.
Starting point is 02:00:19 Donna Martin, not Donna Summer. Donna Martin. But, you know, that's only, that's the side to what we all love to do. Watch clips of other episodes. And we all love doing that and talking about that. It was a blast. You know, it's a great episode. We really had quite a time putting it all together.
Starting point is 02:00:37 Totally. A couple weeks back, we also released our We Love Movies episode for this month. And it was, of course, a film from last year, all about PTAs one battle after another. We went along on that sucker. That was a great one. And then just last week, we had a. really cool animation damnation drop, Steve Sadek? We did on the very fun, very hip, very now.
Starting point is 02:00:57 King of the Hill, I wouldn't call it a reboot, I guess it's a continuation. It's the new season. They brought it back. They did the very hip, cool thing of like aging the characters sort of appropriately and like a lot of good of modern times. We all had a fun time talking about that. Talk about Bobby Hill fucking slapping ass there. And that last week also, we had actually a really cool Gleap Glouclery character, Eric.
Starting point is 02:01:19 Yeah, from a race of people that do not slap ass. Dorsk 81 is the character. He's the 81st clone of, I guess, his great, great, great, way, I shouldn't say great, great, great, 80 times, right? No, no, no. It's a lot of fun. It's a ridiculous new Jedi order character,
Starting point is 02:01:41 so we get into the minutia there. We have a lot of fun with that one, so check it out. Absolutely. And if you're listening to this on the day, comes out, which is January the 27th. This week, we got two more awesome ass shows dropping on Thursday. We got this month's edition of The Nexus, where we're talking about the two-parted redemption, end of season four into season five.
Starting point is 02:02:04 It'll be a double TNG, NOAA animated series this month. It's all about Picard and Worf and how they separately get involved in the Klingon Civil War. Really awesome stuff. And then on Friday this week, we are dropping our next edition of our quarterly horror, contemporary horror recap show, Garity Cats, which is indeed available video and audio form. And this month, it will be all about 28 years later. Hell yeah, we're still recording this right before the bone temple comes out. So no thoughts on that.
Starting point is 02:02:31 You're in really good things. I'm really excited. Word on the street is good. But just so, you know, when you go to watch that episode, I don't know if we mentioned or not, but we had not seen the Bone Temple yet. But you will be able to get that both in video and audio form. And also, if you missed it last week, we did do WGM After Dark. that is for our top tier Patreon supporters.
Starting point is 02:02:50 You can get the replay of our AMA style chat show. Now, here's what I want to do because, Steve, I want you to say what the episode is, but Eric, I want you to tell everybody because you've been pushing this for a long time, but next month, this is your baby. This is your baby, dude. What are we doing next month on We Hey movies?
Starting point is 02:03:06 This is my McKenna Grace, you guys. I'm so proud of what this month has become. February this year, it's going to be White Guy Karate Month. Wow yeah Hell yeah Top to bottom White Guy Karate Movies on the
Starting point is 02:03:23 H&L feeds and Steve what awesome sounding movie that I have not seen yet are we kicking it off with? It's the hunted with Christopher Lambert which I've never seen
Starting point is 02:03:34 Eric what is this one? I've seen this movie a ton of times growing up and I just recently picked up the Blu-ray I'm so excited to take it to this It's actually kind of a good movie I kind of really enjoy this one
Starting point is 02:03:46 it's about you know Christopher Lambert is like I'm a American businessman in Japan sounds great so far he gets mixed up with a lady who is mixed up with a ninja cult and yes
Starting point is 02:04:02 he ends up so he ends up like a casualty of the ninjas he revitalizes himself and he goes investigating this ninja phenomenon in modern Japan a lot of fun I am so goddamn excited for this Just that description alone. I'm so excited.
Starting point is 02:04:18 I think it's available for rent on Amazon and Apple, but you know, you've got to dig because it's the hunted in 1995. A lot of movies are called The Hunting. Yes. Sure. So happy hunting. So there we go. So until next week,
Starting point is 02:04:31 where Christopher Lambert is getting involved in Ninja Intrigue. I've been Andrew Jupin. Steven said that. Eric Ciska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.

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