We Hate Movies - S16 Ep847: Replicant (2001)

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

“You can’t feed a replicant chocolate, dude, right to the hospital!” - SteveOn this week’s episode, “White Guy Karate” Month goes sci-fi as we talk about the totally insane JCVD/Michael Rooker action joint, Replicant! How unsettling is JCVD with non-mullet long hair? How does this psychic link work with these fellas? How much of this movie takes place in that one hospital? Is Michael Rooker’s character helping raise his partner’s child? Is it his kid? Why does that lady have a pool table in her baby’s bedroom? And is there anything more terrifying than JCVD singing “Rock-a-Bye Baby”? PLUS: Coming to Broadway next season: Replicant The Musical!Replicant stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Catherine Dent, Brandon James Olson, Pam Hyatt, Ian Robison, Allan Gray, and James Hutson as Snotty Concierge; directed by Ringo Lam.This episode is sponsored in part by Rocket Money! Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney dot com slash WHM! That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM.And also by GhostBed! Right now, as a We Hate Movies listener, you can take an extra 10% off your order. Just go to ghostbed.com/whm and use promo code WHM at checkout. That’s ghostbed.com/whm, code WHM, for an extra 10% off site-wide.Don’t miss us on the road this winter when we’re in Los Angeles on February 22, Minneapolis on March 20, and Chicago on March 22! Tickets are on sale now and you’re not gonna wanna miss us, gang! Click through here and snag your tix now! Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro. 

Hey folks, before we get to today's episode on Replikint, I just wanted to give you a heads up that in just a few short days, Los Angeles, we are going to be in your town, y'all. That's right. Sunday the 22nd. We're going to be back at the Hollywood Improv, doing a live show on Broken Arrow. That stars John Travolta and Christian Slater to John Wu film. It's going to be a lot of fun. And then, hey, next month, Minneapolis, we are heading your way. On March the 20th, we will be in town at the varsity theater to entertain the masses. We're talking Conan the Barbarian from 1982, the Arnold Schwarzenegger one. And then two days later, in Chicago, we're making our return to Chicago. The first time we're going to play the Den Theater. We're going to be talking about Tom Hanks and Big. He's dancing on that piano with Robert Loja.

Oh, it's a lot of fun. What else does he do in that movie? We're going to talk all about it. So that is 22, 320 and 320. Tickets are on sale now. Head to our website, WHM Podcast.com, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Chicago. And by the way, all three shows do indeed have meet and greets. We're so excited to get out there.

See y'all. It's going to be a lot, a lot of fun. WHMpodcast.com for those tickets. All right, that's it for me. White Guy Karate Month continues. You've got another J-CV-D banger here, and you guessed it. He's playing twins.

It's Replicant. Enjoy. Cool, man. This week on the program, we're talking about a movie where Michael Rooker abuses J-C-V-D with the ease of an ice agent kicking a dog. It's replicant.

I'm Andrew Juppin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska-Kent. Chris Caban. And we hate movies. Hello everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine program as always. That's right.

White Guy Karate Month goes into some weird territory this week. We're talking Replicant from 2001 directed by Ringo Lamb, of all people. He worked with JCVD quite a bit in his lifetime, including maximum risk and something called In Hell. Wait a second. He did. In Hell sucks. Oh, weird. Oh, weird.

These two together. Right, but maximum risk is the other. another double JCP Oh no, is it really? Yes, it's a twin brother movie of JCVD versus JCVD, which is this and double impact. I like that one though. This one I'm not so fond of, but that maximum

risk is at least fun, I think. I think this is fun. I had a ball with this. I'm sure you did. My jaw was on the floor. I found this movie, this is the Steve Select. I found this movie on Pluto. Me and my wife were going to go to the theater like five months,

go, she's in the shower, I put on Pluto, what's going on? And I catch this movie at the scene where they're at the rainy warehouse and like, JCP, the Replicate finally realizes you could do karate against those agents. And I watched up until just about the prostitute scene. Okay, okay. And trying to piece this movie out from there was so difficult. So you'd never, you'd never heard of it before. You had no idea what that's awesome.

What a find, dude. I was like, so he's a clone? Just like figuring all that shit out. Speaking of the theater you were going to go to, like most plays in New York and things like that are now movie adaptations or stranger things or whatever. Repliquant on Broadway. Oh, that's excellent. How would you do the twins, you think? Hire the property brothers?

Yes, you hire the property brothers. That would work. We're closed before we open. What is that? Those comedy brothers who have the podcast, I forget their names. Oh, the Sclar? Oh, the Sclars. That's a name I haven't heard in a long time.

Excuse me, but Steve, you cannot say clone. What's the name of the movie again? It's replicant, I apologize. I do love the one part, like, early on in the movie where Michael Rooker is like, so you cloned him or whatever. And some scientist like spits on the floor and is like, he's a replicant? Like, I'm not, what is the distinction here?

There is none. I don't understand. What's the title of the movie? Come on. A clone you have to raise from a child like Boba Theta or something. Right. This thing is grown in a fucking sack of some kind, a la the Matrix. Al-a the sixth day with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I feel like this is a J-CvD watching, watches the Matrix in 99. It's like, that is bullshit. Get me in a gooey sack. The next movie I do, Mondi, I promise I shall emerge from a Qi-Sack. More like the Stallone, Judge Dredd. That is what we are going for here. You better see my naked boss cheeks in this movie. Which you do.

Covered with some embryonic fluid. Oh, dude, that's so hot. And then Michael Rooker, he treats me like a dog baby. You treat me like a little dog baby. He is, dude. He's treating him like a dog in this movie. He's treating him like a dog, but Chris is also right. He's also kind of treating him like a baby.

Like, there's just, it's a little bit of both, and it's both incredibly unsettling. Very weird. I was very concerned for a second that at some point in this movie early on they'd be like, okay, he's out of the Matrix sack. By the way, Michael Rooker,

you got to put this dude in a diaper at all times. He doesn't know how to go to the bathroom. That's a thing that the movie conveniently just skips over, but like, I got to imagine this thing shit and pissing itself. He doesn't know what rain is. So, like, obviously, I think

toilet training might be on the docket. Rooker should be, have to like wipe his ass, you know, like a young child just finally using the potty. That's a director's cut thing, I think, probably is where you can't imagine. I can't imagine someone I'd like to wipe my ass less than Michael Rooker. He'd just be so many, what'd you eat? God damn it. What did you eat? Oh, my, oh, ridiculous. I can't believe you did this. Let me get in there. Spread those cheeks. Spread them. Spread them. I got to clean this out. God dang, boy. This is taking me six wipes. It should take me two tops. God, dang. How many?

eggs did you eat sir I told you what the eggs I told you he thinks he's a dog you got into the chocolate didn't you you can't feed a replica chocolate dude you gotta tell them right to the hospital chocolate grapes you gotta keep him away from the rind of an avocado

what do you just because you're a vet you won't pump his stomach just pump his stomach he's a little dog man look at this boy you can pump a dog's stomach you can pop his stomach it's all right I know we were kind of all over the place. One thing I do want to talk about the... He got into the Edibles last night. I want to see him on a leash, to be honest.

Let's get some, like, bondage into this. The handcuffs kind of are a leash, man. It's very sexy. You have to wait for the Jet Lee Morgan Freeman unleashed to get that. And Bob Hoskins is also in that movie, isn't he? Yes, he does. Danny the dog. Because you guys had seen this right before I watched,

and you were talking about being treated like a dog. I was like, I think I've seen this before. But now, Chris, you're making me realize I was thinking of that movie. That is a fucking wild fucking movie to allow that movie to come out is quite something. 2005, so it probably was inspired by this film. Oh, of course. Steve, what were you saying? Yeah.

Well, one, the lifts on these airwarks that JCVD has to make him look like he's 5'7. And even though he's like, obviously, 5'2, it's just like, they look like those shoes Kramer wears in the Jimmy episode. Oh, for the basketball jumping? Yes, exactly. They're really, really high. I guess I'm going to get on my skateboard later with my airwalks. It is tough for

me to take this. I mean, they try to tell you from the beginning, don't get too serious about this. Because the sight of Jean-Claude Van Damme with long hair it's just, there's no way for me not to cackle. Like, that's just how it's going to... He always looks bad with long hair. I think you're totally right. It's insane.

I mean, it looks better on a hard target with the long, coiled mullet. This is like... The mullet's fine. Mollet's completely different story. This wavy, you know, past mullet acceptability... He looks a little Tommy Waiso-esque in this film. Yes.

Ooh, you also sounds a little Tommy Wysot. Oh, hi, Mark. I came out of a gooey sack. Get out of your gooey sack, chicken. This movie we should just say, because it's a weird one, it is a movie wherein Michael Rooker is hunting a serial killer who is John Claude Van Dam. And we'll get into how this makes no sense. The only way to track him down is to use a replicate from a secret government agency that is John Claude Van Dam again with like the brainpower of a one year old.

And that's what the movie is. Right. And then you're supposed to use this replicant then to trigger memories in the replicant of a life he did not live. Yep. And you can't forget. they're also psychically linked for some reason. Sure. This movie drops that

line and then I think somewhere along the way they were like, oh, crap, we have no idea how to use that in any constructive way. Well, I'll just leave it in the movie. They're psychically linked. The genetic memory thing is fine. It's bad and it makes no sense. But the telepathy thing is like, that's one

too many. That is one too many. Can I wager a guess on the whole calling it a replicant thing and not a clone? Sure. Because you mentioned it earlier Steve, like he watches people and then he realizes he can do the moves. It's kind of like the taskmaster character in Marvel. Like he can just look at people

and then he's memorizing like martial arts. It's kind of like a really low budget, I know Kung Fu. Like he's just watching TV and learning, he's watching gymnastics and shit. This is The Matrix. He's wearing, I mean, his serial killer character, which we should talk about, he's got the love bed long hair,

these fucking smash mouth glasses. Oh, dude. which again, he's like, if Keanu is wearing a jacket coming out of the guise, one character will have the gooey sack, but one gets the jacket. Yes, I might as well be walking on the sun. I want to make the Matrix put it with no computer. No computers anywhere. Bullets time is bullshit.

I can't get enough of you, baby. Oh, ah, ah, ah, oh. I killed your mother, baby. kick death something we're seeing a lot in this month just a straight kick death right to the face

it is great it is great so it starts with you get like the replica blah blah blah and it starts where it's a woman calling 911

we don't know who she is she's bleeding profusely she's terrified for her life because a karate killer is in her house and obviously I'd be scared too

yeah I thought this lady was a Virginia Madsen for two seconds but then when she takes a boot to the face and dies immediately I realize it wasn't

but he goes you're a bad mother And he kicks her in the head. Good, Lord. Because she's asking, like, why this is happening? Why are you doing this? You're a bad mother. Kick to the head.

Rob. Bye, baby. Yes. I'd rather sing smash mouth there. I was going to say, it's way less creepy if he's singing, might as well be walking on the sun or whatever. But you see how he approaches this baby?

He pets it like a cat or something. Dude, listen, this is a direct DVD Jean-Claude Van Dan movie that was released in the United States It's precisely a week after 9-11. There was a real, real chance that he was killing that baby in this movie. I was like, I was on like pins and needles. Like, are you going to kill this baby? Well, it's what the country needed, honestly, a week later.

Yeah, just to bounce back. I mean, I didn't see this until 2026, but I feel like my wounds have finally healed from 9-11. Oh, that's good. I'm glad. Because I've seen this now. I mean, I was thinking, come on, cover the baby with gasoline. Do it. You know you want to do it.

You know you want to do this. Well, we should talk about a little bit. Because it stunned me. So he kills this woman. And then the crib is, it's like a big, like, you know, big lofty. Real nice looking pad. It is a real nice play. He just says this takes place in Seattle, by the way.

Shot in Vancouver. He has to cross over this enormous pool table that this woman has. What is what the pool table? You're a young mother with a baby in an apartment. Like what? Maybe she's a professional. Yeah, she's a hustler, right? Yeah.

She's just really good at pool. Got to practice. That's amazing. you spent too much time pool tabling instead of massering your daughter. Oh, you've heard of Minnesota fats. Now you'll be Minnesota dead. Oh, that wasn't that good.

He kicks her in the face and says eight ball. Oh, dude. A billiard shark cannot be a mother and to her child. I mean, you should probably, I don't know, like a playpen or something. Why is there a pool table in a baby room? You got to integrate like your martial arts into that pool table. Like, what's that, um,

What's the Jet Lee Bridget Fonda movie? It's like Kiss of the Dragon or something like that. That sounds right. He kicks a like a billiard ball out of the pocket and then jumps up on the table supporting himself with one arm and kicks the fucking pool ball into somebody's head. It's awesome. It is Kiss of the Dragon, which also came out the same year as this. Oh, wow.

I saw Kiss of the Dragon in theaters. And from what I remember, not a bad movie. I wish Bridget Fonda still acted. Always. So, man, the whole like telling this kid like, let me finish your name. nightmare baby. Oh dude what in the world? And then he pours a booze bottle onto

the mother's body, takes a swig, lights a $20 bill on fire, and burns her corpse to start burning the entire house down. That's really. Pretty impressive. I'm lighting $20 bills on fire, eh, baby? Yeah, I got it like that.

I'm a big spender. I big spender. Burn your tender. Hey, also, I never noticed continuity errors and whatnot, but this one was so egregious. I totally noticed it. He lights that $20 bill on fire. And then when he goes, like it cuts and he goes to put it down, it's a $1 bill.

It is so clearly a $1 bill. I don't have it like that. I cannot be spending the $20 bills. I can't do that. Jean-Claude, you're going to be burning the lunch budget. No. I was just trying to show off to the baby and now let's slip it back to the one.

No one's the wiser. You have humbled me, baby. I am a poor man. Wait a minute. That baby doesn't know the difference. God damn. So, yeah, let me finish your nightmare. This place goes up.

Rooker shows up right here. He's this cop immediately, you know, secure the perimeter, like, while the fire is starting up. And yes, he is Detective Jake Riley in this movie. I like him in this. I wish he had more detective, unhinged detective roles. This is a fun fit for him.

He's really good in this kind of a role. Yeah, and he's tamping down the accent. It's just a flat. He's not like he-hawn all over the place in the movie. Well, you can't have him doing too much detective stuff if he has to be daddy owner for so much. And that has to take up a lot of this movie is him playing that role rather than the detective.

Daddy owner, what is this my search history? Daddy slash But the I guess my guess is This script What it was initially written Before it was probably even A Jean-Claude Van Dan movie

Was just like Because we were serial killer crazy Crazy serial killer Oh if you get a clone It's the only way to find him And like that is like There's no karate And there's no like

Buddy cop stuff And like This role was probably meteor Because like stuff about Michael Rooker Is interesting And then he's gone from the movie Because it's a JCBD movie Yeah

Yeah no you can't He's just like Segal in that way. Like, you're not going to steal my thumb there. Exactly. It never feels like we ever get like a real, like, I know they are together, but like those two cops like him, like that's his wife, right? Yes. Or his long-tube living girlfriend or whatever.

No. Ever. It never feels like that. Even the kid, I'm like, that feels like a kid you just like, no. Like that doesn't. Like when you, if you look up the plot on Wikipedia or whatever, it's like, yeah. And his stepson and blah, blah, blah. I was like, this is scenes deleted

on that standard death DVD. Like, none of that is set up. And you kind of just assume, because also like Rooker, after this big action sequence here, action sequence here, you know, he's like retiring and all that stuff.

And he's over at this woman's house and you kind of, it sort of plays like a Riggs and Murtaul. Like he's just dropping by because they're old partners. But then like, when he's back at the house later, I was like,

do you also live here? Are you banging this woman? What's going on? But then he's also living with his mom. Like, It's just really unclear what his living situation. On a house boat. Yes. Yes. Oh, hell yeah. But so, yeah, he's running through.

I guess JCVD has just left the apartment. He's like, no, go in there. There's fire. And he jumps over the pool table, which is in the room of the baby, which makes total sense. I love that part. It has to save the baby. Nice glass brick. Glass brick is great unless you want to leave in a hurry. And then it's kind of difficult.

Right. Him breaking out those 80s-style glass bricks takes them a minute. It really, I was thinking of the. same thing. I was like, these things are a fucking fire hazard. He can't get out of this apartment. You have to be pretty strong to get out of those things. It's not like just a sheet that you just do a good kick and maybe the whole thing shatters. You have to get each one of those thick fuckers out. Yep. Yep. I do love JCVD right here. He's escaping. And he's like climbing down something I think, like a fire escape. And some neighbors like, hey, what the hell are you doing? And he

slams the window in his guy's head. Yes. That's awesome. That's what I want. Just just just just just, just, And we'll get to it also next week. But I love it when these bystanders just get obliterated by these guys. Oh, dude. Yeah, collateral damage left and right. Both of this movie and the movie next week lets you know, keep your fucking mouth shut, dude. Honestly, mind your own GD business. Exactly.

So Ricker chases him onto this bus. This is kind of a fun scene where like they definitely make eye contact. And then Rooker's like, well, I guess he's not on this bus. Goodbye, everybody. on it, like trying to, like, fucking trick him or whatever. It's so great. This is where I begin to question his skills as a detective. He's like, let me put all the other people on the bus at risk.

Yep, for sure. This driver off with me to confirm, like, here's actually the plan. You have a massive serial killer in there with a bunch of innocent people. Me and you are safe. So why don't we run? We'll just run, me and you. And then we can, no, no, he tries to create a situation where he can get them off. But of course, John Claude Van Damme immediately gets in his like, fuck it, I'm going to try to kill these people.

Oh, yeah. There's like a 15 second hostage situation right here. And he's doing a lot of like, don't look at me. Don't look at me. And he's like pointing guns in their faces. And Rooker's like, ah, this was a bad idea. Michael Rooker coward, I think, the most likely reasoning here. Like I just, you could have done it right there.

Just take it out. Like he's still seated. Like he doesn't have anything out yet. Like, but no, no, no, no. Yeah, I would say open fire into the. crowd out. Yeah, definitely. Get your man. JCVD knows to open fire because right here

speaking to collateral damage, right? He almost gets hit by this fucking junkie Ford Taurus that's driving by. He just murders that driver. He just shoots the shit out of the windshield. That's incredible. This episode's brought you in part by Rocket Money. You know, folks, as a man of industry, I spend a lot of

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Yeah, well, you know, it's Seattle. That's their landmark, right? It's parking garage. It's very easy to rent a parking garage. Very cheap. Don't got to spend $20. Actually, it's $20 bill on fire. We need that.

We did every dollar we have. Oh, no, I did not know. I had to pay at the machine before I get a, back to the car. Now I have to walk all the way back to the entrails. What you mean, they're not fake. The not fake? Mon die. I do. I cut it like this scene and like the phone call, it would have been bad, but it's straight

up John Claude Van Dam is a regular serial killer and Michael Rooker is a regular cop trying to chase him down. That's probably a good movie. Yep. Sure. You have a karate killer on the loose, you know, like. So you're saying we should lose the raising of another JCV. The baby daddy The baby daddy storyline is really the problem here

I am really going to go to bat on that one I would even accept because it is an established cinematic tradition if it's just Oh we found the serial killer's twin brother And he's just leave out all the science fiction Mumbo Jumbo part of this And even still I think you might have a movie

By the way we should say it's very funny Because his MO is just lighting these ladies on fire After he kills them J.CVD's serial killer name is indeed the torch. The torch. Weak ass shit. I'm sorry. It's bad.

No good. But, you know, that's the fault of these imaginary newspaper men. I would assume that assigned this name to him. Right. Even the blaze would be a better name. The blaze. That's got a little attitude to it. The torch.

I mean, Olympics? We come to find later in the movie that the reason he does these serial killings as the torch is because he was like the baby, right? Someone killed his mother and his house burned down or something? No, his mother killed her father and burned the house down while he was in it and he narrowly escaped, you see. And now he wants to do that to other people. Yeah, exactly. This is all a woman's fault, you understand.

So we just have to get that nice and make sure that's correct. There's the great stunt work in this movie throughout. I really love that. I can't believe this, you know, we're doing this to put on deep. DVD, you know, Rooker almost gets hit by this car. It looks like a real goddamn stunt. His shoe goes flying off. That's why I thought it was like a real, I mean, like,

I think that tire hits the shoe, and he like just got his leg out of the way. It's incredible. It's really awesome. Yeah. It looks incredible. JCVD's trying to like back over him in that moment, and he misses. But then we get the fact that it was, yes, his last night on the job. And then this is where he meets the feds at this point,

this Stan Reisman guy and this is he offers him Hey, I can help you catch the torch or whatever Here's my card kind of a deal I guess there's a little bit of face off here too Like super science This super criminal There's only one way to do it

And something something I'm now imagining Michael Rooker Getting a getting a Getting JCPD's face And just talking like Michael Rooker Oh my God That's right I'm gonna do a split right now Yeah oh ouch

Dang He's just rubbing his throat like, I need to go get him. I need to go get him. Why does he talk like this all the time? This is a ridiculous accent. Mom dear, what does that even mean? I have to go down to the bayou, I guess now. I do love Rooker. He's like talking to the media right here, like the local news is on or whatever. And they're like, yeah, you got any words for this guy or whatever. He's, oh, yeah the torch he's a sick pervert pisses himself all the time

like a big baby like making fun of him on the news he's a mama's boy he's a momish boy yes bedwetting mama's boy and for some reason you know jcvd's the torch character it really sets him off he does not like being made fun of no he karate chops the lamp that he's sitting next to

you know why that is Eric I think he pisses himself I think that's I think Michael Rooker's not making that shit up I think they find piss on the scene so Michael Rooker's his whole retirement thing is going on he's having I guess this party for the opening of his new business Jake's boat repair I don't see him repair one boat in this film no no no there's no no record that indicates to me that this character's ever been on a boat like right it's really like what does he do it lean into you're in Seattle shooting Vancouver have like a speed boat chase at the end and he knows how to do something with the boat. Exactly. That would be fun. Speaking of face off. Oh, hell yeah. One of the

best fucking boat chases of all time. Worse than that, I would say. Who do we get introduced to here? His mom. And his mom isn't burnt to shit at the end of this. I'm sorry. This is bullshit. That fucking lady should be lit up. Oh, that would be amazing. Now, it's personal.

The biggest third act, really? We're not going to do this. Is what is, who is his girlfriend and or wife? his partner who's also chasing the torch is a mother with a young son. What is his MO? Kidnapping and trying to murder mothers

Yeah, let's light her up too. Or it's like, oh, I'm going to kill your girlfriend. No, you don't do it. Blah, blah, blah. But again, like, it's the, I really feel like the hospital, they got a deal on this hospital. And it was just like, listen,

if you could film the last 35 minutes of your movie, I know all you got all this, but we can save you a million dollars, like sold. We'll figure it out. Exactly. Dude, I love this. Like, J-CV-D calls this retirement party

where he's dancing and stuff. The mom's like, Jacob, darling, phone for you. And then it's just J-Cvd be like, I'm going to keep on killing asshole. You're a real loser. Yeah, you're a fucking loser. That was a nasty thing you said about to me on the TV, Jake.

Oh, I'm going to keep killing you loser. He flips the fuck out. I love this Michael Rooker freak out. Hey, you call me a loser. You're a loser. You beat a loser. I'll track you down like a fucking dog You son of a bitch

Fuck you fuck you You piss baby You're a piss baby So good Everyone at the party is like I don't know Is that are we doing the shrimp cocktail next We're about to cut the cake

Why did you keep telling the person on the phone That they piss themselves All the time Why did you do that? It's really unfortunate That this party is broken up By the torch calling and ruining everything Because otherwise

I think people are getting shit house wasted at this party. You see what's going on here? When they cut to this party, there's multiple, like, martini's sitting around. There's huge fucking bottles of booze everywhere.

These kind of like cop retirement parties, you know, someone's got like a bud heavy kind of a deal because we're just like cops drinking beers. This is like high end liquor all over this fucking houseboat. They are lubricated up. Rooker's cutting a rug. He's a pretty good dancer here.

I did admire Michael Rooker's dancing here too. This is where you need the one. seen with him and this girlfriend where we establish that they're married or engaged. They're like, now, baby, once you and me all the way, you can still stay on the force and put your life in danger, but I'm done with all that. I'm repairing boats, man, I'm going to be fathered to your son, whatever his little name is. Look at the sign. Jake's boat repair.

I just got that made. This fucking boardwalk caricature of Michael Rooker that's on this sign is incredible. Oh, dude, it's so great. I hope he kept this, like kept the prop. somebody put money into that too that that's for real that that's not just something done on the weekend that's a professional did this yeah yeah he's kept three things from his career the the fishing or the boat repair business from this movie yandu's fucking arrow and the tv he kills that guy with and henry portuguese serial killer oh does he still oh man who still never saw it i love i love henry really good movie I have a serial killer. But if you're in a good mood, am I going to put on Henry Portrait of a serial killer? No.

Wait for, wait for October. Just wait, then do it then. Because you're more used to that kind of tone than I was. Yeah. You don't want an out of season Henry Portrait of a serial killer. It is a rough walk. It cheers me up, Chris. I know, Eric.

When I'm still feeling blue, I put that. 9 a.m. Eric, a nice cup of coffee, some Cheerios and Henry Portrait of a serial killer. Windows open in winter. Just having a day of it. I don't know if it was the post or the VHS or something. Or maybe it was like an advertisement for that movie. That was so great.

It was just like, it was like Jason, Freddie. No, this one is real. Yes. Yeah. That's scary. Yep. That was the sort of the campaign for it. I have to imagine though.

So Rooker talking with like, you're right. There's no intimacy to them at all. They act more like partners. But I do imagine like he has to at least be like, look, if you're going to going to come back, if you're going to stay on the force, you need to know this. I am not going to take care of that piggy if you die. He's a very sweet boy and everything, but

that is just a bunch of bills and I can't handle it if it's just me. He ain't mine. You got to think about that. You see, I'm already raising this one. It brings in a full J.CVD. Because we're about to get there, right? We're doing the national, what was this? The national security force.

Uh-huh. Yeah. This federal agency that is trying to bring him in to finally get this killer and how they're going to do that is to clone the, I mean, replicate the killer. Yeah, only replicating. Come on now. And the guy says something about

like they have his blood from a prior crime scene. That's how they were able to get the replicant going or whatever. And the guy also points out right here, they know that his M.O. is single mother's also with a mole on her chin. There you go. Is the idea.

So Rooker has taken to this like, facility in the woods. I love this whole thing where he's getting like the security clearance face scan or whatever. It's the only time I've ever seen one of these things where someone else like they always do the um like POV of the face scanner thing in movies so you can see what's going on. Right.

I've never seen a thing where a guy is standing in the background of that. Because the agent is just hanging out in the back and I was like, get out of the shot. You want to hear like a dirt, burn, burn. Could you move please? I got to make sure you're doing it right. Make sure you're not fucking with the NSF Not the NSA, the NSF.

That's right. It's a difference. We need to go full, if this is what's going on, we need to go full Philip K. Dick. Clones are around and that's like, yeah. Like you don't know what? If clones existed,

if he's like, oh, my partner's a clone, I can't believe I got a lousy clone. And then blah, blah, blah. Now he's got to do this replica. That's something. Then the torch can break into some other lab and create another mic.

Rooker to fight Michael Rooker? Oh, now we're talking. I shit myself. Hell, I shit myself. Well, that's the thing. The torch is not doing that shit. He's not looking after a baby Rooker. A baby Rooker is going to die immediately.

Maybe what he's doing is cloning, replicating baby Rooker constantly and constantly killing it and setting it on fire. Honestly, that's a great use for this technology. Yeah. Let serial killers burn off. some steam on some monstrosity so cares. You know how certain towns or whatever

have like the rage cage or whatever you go into a room and you could beat up an old computer monitor? I would love it. Why don't we clone or replicate some human beings and I go in there and I just start wailing on them? There is a sleazy movie

to be made in that dude, but I don't think it's a real world business model that would take off in the public sector anyway. Not yet. Quietly it would do very well. Quietly you would have real business going in there, but you cannot be putting that on a billboard in fucking New York City. A few more years of desensitization from X and whatever app you're on.

You'll get there. This will not sound too outlandish in 10 years. I got to tell you, I just don't see us as the kind of at this point looking around. I don't see our focus being on clones and science and all that stuff. I think those things are going to shit. I'm pretty sure. I'll have to travel to Eastern Europe or China or somewhere to get my money. Oh, China will have, oh, man, China's got it all going on.

Oh, boy. Turns out they're just dissidents, though, so not even replicating. The LFSF guy is like, yeah, and is, you know, this is going to be a test case. We want to help you out because really what this is about is stopping terrorism. We're going to get terrorists. So you're going to close. So let's just like take that for once. Yep.

You're going to clone terrorists. Let's break this out. Somehow you're going to get the terrorist, the specific terrorist DNA. Like you're going to get Osama bin. Lund's DNA before he does 9-11 and then what Then you got another Osama running around That's it

Well it's an Osama that you're raising Yeah baby Osama dude Gonna be baby Osama You gotta get diapers I hope they have a fucking A warehouse full of diapers Because this shit I mean it's nonstop It seems like every one of them

It's crazy that they come pre-made with like knowing how to use the toilet I think I call bullshit on that The government should buy depends. They just like own it and have those factories work for them. But how would it stop terrorism, Chris? I don't understand that. I think

you're really, this is a row of those rabbit holes you shouldn't have gone down. Okay. I'm sorry. I just, there's no sense to it whatsoever. It's just like we want to make a Jean-Claude Van Dan movie. He seems to like when there's two of them. He likes more of him. So we do that as often as we can. It's fucking crazy that there's

at least three movies where J-Cv-D is a double. I think the count is up to five now. Is that right? Oh, God. Because you got to count time, cop. Yes. Yes. That counts. You got maximum risk. That's four. Double impact. Apparently in the movie, the order, he plays two characters

of different timelines, which I've not seen. I'll count it. That's in the time cop. That gets covered, I think. But I also in every Jean-Clan of A day movie, there's always these little, like, language slip-ups that you're just like, how did this even...

The replicant as described as very physical. What the fuck does that mean? You can do a split. But how do they know that? He's in a fucking sack still. He doesn't pop out yet. He is a baby.

He can't do a split yet. If someone didn't watch the movie, maybe we're misleading them, he's not a baby. He's a full adult man with the brain of the baby. Which when you're- Sure. When you're introduced to this guy, it is fucking hilarious because he's in the sack. and whatever, and you just hear like, the replicant is rejecting the latest growth hormone.

And it cuts inside the sack. And an in-utero JCVD clone just goes, nah. It is wild. Yes, HG, HGH is great for making you great at baseball and growing clones quicker than usual. Yep. You know, he must have been having some money trouble around this time. because back in like the big ego days, like the early days,

he would not allow a scene like this to happen where he's like, he's in the thing, and it's very visibly him in doing it. I will say he must have been game for a lot of this because he could have shut this down. Like no, and then he's smart almost immediately. Like I'll do one scene as, but the whole movie he's doing this fucking Lenny of Mice and Men routine.

I think he thinks he's acting. That's exactly what it is. He's under the presumption that he's acting in this movie. I wonder, was this during the era? Because I think it was like around Street Fighter until the early aughts where he supposedly had a $10,000 a week Coke habit. That sounds right. Oh, wow, that's a lot of cocaine. Oh, yeah.

Holy shit. And between seven days, though. That's fair. Yeah. Maybe it's a moderate amount of really good Coke. Exactly. You know, maybe he goes a little easy on Sundays. Exactly.

Well, that is the Lord's Day after all. And Saturday's buying for other people. You're not going to deal it by yourself. That's true. Well, maybe. A grand and a half a day, more or less. When you're constantly making movies, you can do that. Yeah.

And that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. So he wakes up and this is what I was talking about. There's like this video of some lady that's teaching him how to like sit, stand and walk or whatever. And then somewhere in here, they're just like, blah-bib-blow. By the way. psychic powers or whatever. There is a scene where he's afraid of the toilet.

I was just going to say, I was just going to say that he gets frightened by a toilet. In there. No, no, no, no, I want Daddy's Hands. No, I shit in Daddy's Hands. Where's Daddy's Hands? No, no toilet. Who's that dude? Is it Mike Haggerty, the guy from Wainsworld, the big guy with the mustache?

Yes. I want him to be like, all right, you did the gymnastics class. Welcome to Toilet. class. And it's just like, welcome to take a the dump 101.

Wow. Yeah, he's the master of it. Exactly. He's like the Yoda of taking shit. Today's episode is brought to you

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Well, no, maybe that's it. We didn't even think this through, guys. The torch never shits. Just, that's why he can't do it. He doesn't understand it. I will not, I will not shit. All right, just sit down here. First thing you got to realize is that after the deed is done,

you got to wipe front to back. You see? Don't go the other way because then you're pulling all the stuff up into your bitch. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Then we get to see like a scene of him fucking it up and his fucking cock and balls are covering. and shit. Mike Haggerty's going to be like,

now you went a little too far north there, buddy. Now we're going to put a big old X through this because this is the wrong way to do it. Mike Haggetty takes out a garden hose and sprays him down a little bit. All right, your biggest enemy in this situation is a belt. You got to figure out how to work this gentleman here.

And I'm telling you, speaking from experience, you don't want to be sitting on the toilet longer than you need to be. All right. Month three of your training. We're going to introduce Spice. Here's some jalapeno poppers. And he's like in a hazmat suit now.

Back and away from him. Good Lord. Welcome to advanced class. Lesson one, bidetes. Now, some out there might say the bidet is a cheat code for wiping your ass. I think it is a nice convenience and a little bit of a treat. One of the few things those Frenches got right. it is like you know finally using one it is like the

game genie for I love it I absolutely love it man when I'm home I'm fucking toilet paper free man I love I love I love feeling a torrent blast up my asshole we isolate that place thing yeah to clean it to clean it I do uh I do so we're to teach him to sit and stand we're teaching them to go to the bathroom We're afraid of the toilet.

And like he's playing with toilet paper. We teach him how to eat a little bit. And lesson three, gymnastics immediately. What we're trying to catch a killer here. He's got to help to a summer song. Yeah, spelling and reading do not matter here. That's not really important. You absolutely need a line, though.

Maybe it's a Mike Haggerty character of some kind. Like, look, we've been at this for five months. Yes. You know, something, because it's like, how long is all of this stuff taking? And I think the movie is telling us it is very rapid. It is like he is taskmaster. He just watches shit and then he can mimic the muscle movement. And that's it.

Because yeah, this fucking gymnastics and he's walking on his hands. Of course we get the split right here too, which is nice. Got to do it. Rooker thinks that, you know, he's against this from the start. He's telling these guys like they're going to regret this or whatever, you know, making this replicate to which this government guy is like, he's basically like, well, if it goes tits up, you know, this replicant is disposable.

Like, we'll just fucking shoot this thing in the head and start over. Totally. He is bouncing around this room, though, I will say, like when Rooker comes in to meet him,

it's kind of like Chris Katan playing Mango. Yes, yeah, it is. Is that, was it mango that I'm thinking of? Yes.

Oh, the monkey was mango? Oh, no, mango was the, I'm the sexy kind of, yeah, no,

what was the, Mr. Peepers or something like that. Yes, you're right. It was Mr. Peepers. Yes.

I was just thinking like, because he's bouncing all over this fucking jail cell or whatever. And Rooker's trying to like cuff him to this table. Yeah, it's rough. And he does not get that done. He also has the taser, right? We're treating this. Oh, yeah. We're really getting violent with this thing early on.

Well, you have to, dude. You got to keep these fucking replicants in line, man. True. You got to be a daddy owner. Barely take his shit. Better electrocuted. And this is where they tell you about his, like oratory ability, right?

Because he, like, Rooker's talking to him. And then his response to whatever Rooker says is, I'm standing, I'm walking, I'm sitting. And Rooker's like, my God, this is going to take forever. We do have a Rooker line that maybe your golden boys are worded. Oh, gosh. Dude, just say it. We won the war.

We can say it again. Yeah. Right. We're not going to say it on this shit. Oh, man. But so he is, I mean, he's walking this guy. like a fucking dog on a leash. She's handcuffed or whatever.

And he's giving him commands, right? He's yelling, no, no, no, like all the time. Meanwhile, this is where I have to point this out. I wish he was in this outfit for the whole movie. He is dressed like Ernest P. Worrell in this part. He's got the shirt. He's got the fucking khaki hat, the denim vest. It's perfect earnest cosplay.

It's crazy because like, especially nowadays, he sort of looks like Ernest a bit now. He is looking a little bit like Jim Barney these days. Little used up. Hey, Vern, you think I could do this split? Hey, Van, why is this little girl hanging out with me for Christmas? I would absolutely watch J-CvD saves Christmas, by the way. Oh, I'm surprised it hasn't happened in some capacity.

Hey, Vern, I shit my pants again. Can you wipe me, Van. E. But, yeah, so Rooker is ordered to do, quote, whatever it takes. to awaken the killer inside this fucking replica. Show me how you did it. Show me how you did it. Well, also, here's a ball we're going to drop immediately.

The idea that the NSF is going to be part of this movie and that they're going to keep tabs on him. Oh, right. Because this first scene, it makes no sense. They take him to a helicopter into the city. Jean-Claude Van Dam doesn't know what a window is. Like, he's really not having a good... Oh, right.

He fucking bashes his face against the car window. Oh, no. The feds are like the grand. grandparents that are pissed off the babies is here at all. Like they don't want to help at all after a certain. They're like, it's your baby. It's your, you take care of it now. And every once in a while we get calls and like,

nope, you seem to have it covered. Why not? That's the government protocol on all human life. You birth the baby. You need to, by the way. You have to do that. And then, you know, it's like, oh, no, no, we can't really help with that. Oh, and sure, you know, good luck. I just wanted you to birth it like a fucking cow. I'm not going to help you. feed it or whatever. Exactly. I'm not going to help you at all, but just call me when

its memories tell you where the serial killer is. That's when I'm ready to come in. But they're chasing, they're following Rooker and Rooker's like, I don't think so. And I'm like, what? And he like, he like loses them, which is weird. And then they go to this warehouse. And then there's this big warehouse fight. And I'm like, what is this part of the movie? Because it doesn't come back. Like these guys, this bald, heavy dude who I've seen in a bunch. I think because Rooker through, you know, JCPD doing all these, like, gymnastics moves on these guys. Like, he's basically like, you know, convincing them to sort of step off. Let me handle it, like trying to deal.

Now, let me ask you guys this, especially because next month, on Listen to Request Month, we have to tackle the sequel, which I've never seen. But this warehouse that they're in at this part right here, doesn't it look to you guys like the same place they shot the finale of White Noise with Michael Keaton? big factory where he gets killed by the ghost tornado because that was also i think vancouver shot uh and i was like this fucking burned out whatever this is looks very familiar to really do not remember white noise that much i know god bless you then dude i know we did an episode on it yeah yeah it's michael keaton and the fat guy from ace ventura too i i thank the good lord above that i was not on that episode yeah that i did not i don't have even those memories have you seen white noise though chris you better catch up i don't want you to be

for the sequel. If I haven't seen it since then, I will absolutely be watching it further. I don't want to be lost. We will be doing soon enough white noise to the light. The light. That's what I couldn't think of the sub-

But yeah, he takes him to this warehouse. He's like, this is where you're burning. What'd you do? And he starts like kind of shoving him. Then these agents show up. And it's kind of a fun. I mean, again, the stunt work is really fun in this movie. He's doing a lot of, this is where he's doing a lot of the gymnastics stuff

because he finds like a pole that he can swing on. so it's like uneven bar kind of things. And this is also, oh, he fucking bites a dude, speaking of him being a dog. Yep. There are a lot of moments in this movie where someone pulls a gun on him. I think here is one of them.

And Rooker's like, what are you doing? No, no, no, no, no. It's just a dog. Can't give a dog a gun? I'll do that when the time is right. Don't work. That's my job. You understand that?

I get to shoot him in the head. The scene that I want to see that you don't get because they just go right to the house, is Michael Rooker calling this real tour to be like, yeah, I want to see the murder house. Yeah, I'm definitely intending to move into the murder house. Can you show me the murder house today? Yeah, I love when they get there and she's like,

you're the guy that was, you're the detective of the murder house. What are you doing here? Well, no, she's even happy. She said, oh, well, you know the deal. So if you want to move in here, that's even better. I'm like, what? But, like, lady, if you are selling this house where there was a murder from a famous serial,

killer. And the cop who was assigned to the case wants to come in and says he's going to buy this house, you got to raise some eyebrows here. At least call your manager or something. And this dude who's clearly a duress who, when you shake his head goes, calm de fuck down. Or whatever he says. Because Rooker's been

yelling that at him, so he thinks that's a greeting. That was such a funny moment where he shakes this realtor's hand, Windy, I believe the name is. Yeah. Windy Wickham. Calm the fuck down. And at least right here, we're getting some a little more appropriate language

Not the R word, but he's like, Ma, my cousin Ronnie is a little special, you see. That's the fucking line you're getting into this house. But then he starts getting these flashbacks in the house and Rooker sees that he's receiving these transmissions in his hand or whatever.

What do you see? What do you remember? Oh, wow, the stupid half-baked sci-file in a minute of this movie's coming together. Holy shit. Talk to me about the murder house. What happened here? Don't you know? I mean, look, I mean, it's good, I guess,

that maybe the idea is he'll unlock all of his memories, because getting some of them, like, these are memories you know, oh, so he murdered this woman in a bathtub. Yeah, like, you already got, so, like, yeah, how is that? I guess this is more of the sparking. Yes. The connection or whatever, but yeah, he does remember, like, the torch, like, shoving this woman into a towel rack

and then, like, he kicks her into the fucking bathtub and lights her on fire. And this would maybe be more affecting, I think, possibly, if I didn't just watch him do, like, a scene from Dunstan Checks in, a bunch of federal agents. Yes. Like that makes it

a little more difficult for me to take the serial killer element of this very serial. Yeah, I understand. He's very brutal in all that. But like it kind of is silly when like he's biting people. I'm like,

it is a silly movie. I don't know how much we're supposed to lock in on this being serious. I mean, Rooker is playing it straight, which I appreciate though. Yeah. Right.

I'll say a nice bit of like filmmaking flourish here when he's having these flashbacks the way that they dissolve from like the night of the murder back into the empty house and back in it's kind of a nice little effect there adds a little something to make it I think this very completely directed

for the most part you know what I mean like that's oh yeah that from it yeah big time meanwhile while this is going on oh he also remembers oh yeah he remembers apparently in this one there was like another murder victim maybe he was like the husband or

something because there's just in the fantasy or the flashback there's like just some dude on the floor with a knife in his back. Yes. Not really fleshed out in any real way. But while that's all going on, this investigation, evil J-CVD, I guess is like out on the hunt. Yes.

And he runs into like this mom who's like, call her son like a bad boy and that sets a mom, you know. And he, because it's like, it's almost like they needed somewhere in the action movie offices. They're like, well, we need a kitchen fight. I mean, we don't have it. We rented the kitchen already. So she, like, runs into this working kitchen and then all these dudes are fighting J-C-V-D

because he's a serial killer who knows karate, which that's, again, that's enough. Rare. It's a karate serial killer. That's plenty. But he beats the shit out of all these people. And then, like, he burns her in the face with, like, he's got a gloved hand that's on the stove and he kind of touches her with it. Yeah, which is really, really wild.

It touches her to make the impression of like a she's got a... Oh, I didn't get that. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. I also didn't get it. While like that, that scene is happening

at the same time, Rooker takes the replicant to Angie's house, which I guess is also maybe his house, and this is maybe his fucking girlfriend. I don't know. This is, it's the actress Catherine Dent, who was on a bunch of the shield.

I think she was on the whole run. But she's a working actor. she gets around in a lot of stuff. But dude, he fucking ties J-CVD to like the base. He's in like the basement laundry room or whatever for this woman's house. And he's just eating dog food at one point. The kids like, no, ew, that's for the dog. Here try this.

Yeah, he's handcuffed to a pipe in the basement. And this kid is coming down and trying to feed him because he's trying to eat dogs. I understand that that's not good. But I can't identify what exactly this. kid is feeding him. It's like a granola bar that's all red, so I don't know if there was like a strawberry flavoring to it. Some type of Quakerote

bullshit. Yes. Gross. One of those like, it's your whole breakfast in a bar kind of a kind of a deal. But then this kid comes out bleeding and crying and immediately Rooker just starts fucking stomping this

clone. He thinks that he hurt him or whatever. It's hilarious too because the kid comes around the corner and his mouth is pouring blood. Just a torrent of blood coming out of this kid's mouth. And apparently the kid says the dog did it. Yes. The dog knocked out this kid's tooth. How does that work?

Well, I'll tell you, one time, I can kind of relate to this. Because one time I was like playing with Marty or something. And she just like, she moved her head up while my face was like right above it. Dude, she clocked me right in the nose with her fucking hard dog skull. And I was like, I was really like, oh, my God. It was a fucking slobber knocking. Dog skulls are really heavy, man. That's why they were trusting them on Beethoven.

You know what I mean? Right. You got to test a bullet on Beethoven's skull because those dog skulls are just way too big. No, daddy, daddy, it wasn't the man that you chained to the radiator downstairs. That was not that that's not what happened. And by the way, I'm not going to have a memory of this. That's weird as I grow up.

No, not at all. Totally. No, no. So he takes, he's like, ah, I'm sharp. I'm sure I didn't do that. And he takes the he takes the replicant back to his other, his mom's house which I guess is where he's living

but I'm unsure on that. Yeah, question mark. And he chained this dude to yet another radiator takes his clothes off. You're all wet. Get these off. Get his fucking big hog in the sun in these tidy whitties and his mom comes in and he's like, Mom, it's police stuff.

Don't worry, it's just police stuff. It's not what it looks like. I'm definitely not fucking sucking this Belgian man's cock. Don't worry about that, is that real? Oh my God. I just love me. He keeps on going, I'm working. Because also, it's not because he's wet.

It's because the government guy like stops them at some point. It's like, you got to fucking report to me every 12 hours or this operation's over, blah, blah, blah. And Ricker's like, oh my God, clone, how'd they find us? You must have an internal tracking device on you. He's just ripping his clothes up. J-CVD and these BVDs

by the way, not too shabby. I'm sorry, but if you're looking for an internal tracking device. I know you look in his mouth. You got to stick two fingers up his tookus in my head. You got to see. Get up there, dude. Now, Mom, I'm looking for a tracking device. Hold on. Oh, my finger's not long

enough, but I guess my dick is kind of longer. Mom, it's for work. No, no. He's going to remain chained to the radiator while I finger his asshole and check if there is a device up there. And before you ask, yes, this is official police business, mother. And

She's totally cool that she's like, she's like, you're mistreaty. I mean, like, obviously, like, just imagine, if my mother saw that, she'd first say, oh, I knew it. But second of all, she'd be like, ah, ha! Like, come on, man. Like, she's got to be like, what is going on

in there? Like, what? She's like, you know, if you treat someone like a criminal, they're going to act like a criminal. I'm like, he's molesting a man in the bathroom. And John Claude Van Dam is probably sobbing saying, come to fuck down. It's interesting, Steve, that the mother has that line that sort of talks about, like, nature versus nurture.

And this whole movie's like, no, it's nature. Exactly. Pretty much. Pretty much. That's why we have another one of him that can tell us what's happening. So eventually, like, they take Rooker to, or Rooker goes with the replica to the police station because he asks his lady friend, like, hey, even though I'm retired, like, can you hook me up to use the technology or whatever at the police station? So they're scanning his face And then they're trying to look at like crime scene photos

He's looking at crime scene photos Like jog his memory or whatever And this is and this is where like I guess because they've never had A picture of this guy So this is the first time they can run his Visage through like a Vicarp kind of thing And wouldn't you know it?

They're saying JCPD is this fella Edward Garrett emigrated from South Africa In 1995 you don't say Why? Just say Belgium Like he's not south This is not a South African accent. They change it again, don't they? Later on, it's like, oh, he's actually Luke Savart or something.

Oh, I see. So maybe it's a double trick. It is. Sort of cover or something. I thought a third was going to show up. Like, no, I am the real Edward Garat. Oh, dude, three JCPs in one movie. I don't think cinema can handle that.

I think the movie would come apart. The tape would fall apart. Who has been using my idea? And yes, I also know karate. But I also know karate and sound like. this. Oh, man. But yes, the old boss, the old boss comes in right here and he's like, are you fucking,

you know, jerking me around or whatever? And then this is great because that's a line that the replicant parrots and he's just like, are you jerking me? Are you jerking me? No, it was later. I was looking for, I told you, I was looking for a device. I wasn't, I was technically, I was the only way I can get it out of you. I was trying to get it out of you.

Do you want me to check under the foreskin or not? It might be there. It could be there. We're not in my mother's bathroom. We don't jerk it here. Are you jerking me? Are you jerking me? And we do that with lotion. We do that with lotion.

He does pointedly take her at a cat, his girlfriend's house to bring his dude back home when no one can, you know? Yeah, exactly, where no one's the wiser. They find like Edward Gerrott's apartment from that computer. And I like this little sequence where we go to his apartment and he's got

a computer bomb. This is a little speed right here going into Dennis Hopper's house just a little bit. A little seven too, a little bit of seven. Oh, yeah, big time. Yep. But yeah, it's a I really appreciate the fact that we get like angles on

this explosion too. Yeah. It's a real explosion. It's outside. They really did work on this demolition. It looks really great. I thought I was on second avenue at Palm Fritz. Oh, Jesus. Christ. It's a reference something super hyper local New York that you had to live

here 10 years to know. 10 years at least. Wow, that takes me back. Also, I miss those French fries. Yeah, I think it reopened somewhere. They did, but I heard it wasn't as good. Oh, it was that 2nd Avenue magic. Total. You need that fucking grody-ass kitchen that they were making them frets in for us, you see? I'm just, it's, it's just so

weird to notice like these, like, big explosions like this back in the early autumn, we did this stuff for real. It's like, shit like this, there's five of these, like, Every time there's a Marvel movie, like there's these big explosions. And they just look like, you know, in the background, like cartoon stuff at this point. And you never get this good, pretty look. This is like actual pieces of stuff are falling on the streets of Vancouver. Exactly.

Because a lot of mistakes with the digital stuff there is like it's like an explosion of glass and fire. And so that's not what it really looks like. No. Right. The sound is never as good. Like some, you know what I mean? Because you're probably also like booming it. You know what I mean?

Getting that's capturing at least some of the sound that's informing how the sound like, as opposed to this is very like it becomes very muted when you do in CGI obviously and JCVD is in the car locked in the car and he knows through his genetic memory and or psychic link one or the other

with with help from the reverse vampires he's aware that there's a bomb in that computer and that his beloved Jake is in trouble oh no right and he doesn't even get up there though the place blows up or whatever, but then this is when

the replicant and the torch see each other. Yes. And there's a great from the torch, Who's the fuck are you? And I do, one cop dies in that explosion, I think, which is great. Yes, he does. But this is where you need the lady friend character, the partner character

to go so you can get that Jeff Daniels Daniel's mother kind of, any stakes in this movie for the Rooker character at all. This time it's personal. You killed my maybe, what, partner? I don't know. You killed whatever she is to me.

We definitely had sex once, though. Exactly. This time it's wildly impersonal. So we get a little twin fight in this bar right here. We get a wet dry vac fight, which is more important. I was like, man, you ever see somebody throw a wet dry vac at another individual? Now we can say we have, and it's very funny. He throws the wet dryback at this bartender because the guy's trying to call 911, and he's

like, no more phones. He murders this, he shoots this dude in the heart a couple times. Dude, it's a neck shot. Oh, it's a neck shot. He starts, he starts gushing, yeah. See, that's awesome. You got to give this movie points for that. You know, the stunts are great.

And then just like having like the neck squib of it all. It's great. Big fan of a neps quib. Yeah, it's really fantastic. But so like Rooker and like, oh, that's the thing, right? Because he's about to kill the replicant right here. And he just can't bring himself to do. it. This isn't the moment where

he's like, we are family, but he's just like, I can't shoot this thing in the face. And he just kind of like runs away or whatever. But then he calls Rooker from like a pay phone or something. And he's like, you know, I don't know who the fuck this guy is. I'm going to figure out what's going on, blah, blah, blah. And then this

is some nice... It'll be my greatest challenge. Oh, God, I forgot about that. Oh, his challenge. A lounge. Oh, he does a good thing right here where he's like, I forget how he does it, but he tricks the feds into telling him where the replicant is because they can't find him.

Oh, that's right. He's like, oh, yeah, no, you, we're just hanging out. You're tracking us. Tell us where we are. Some of the guys. Yes, yes, it's great. The red light district. Yep.

Let's head to the red light district of Seattle here. And then so this is like, he goes back with this sex worker here. And this is an interesting, I guess it's like an appetizer, right? because she's getting ready to go. She puts on this porno for him. Like, hey, just watch the porno. I think it's just on. I think that's on a loop.

That's not like, she doesn't like come in and turn on. It's just like when they walk up, it's already on. You can hear them screaming from outside. So it's like my house. Just all day. It's just leaving pornography blaring constantly.

Exactly. That's where people think I'm, it's a security thing, Chris. People think I'm home and busy. Yeah, yeah, I understand. But I guess because again, he's the taskmaster. So now he realizes where, where things go at least a little bit

because again he didn't know what rain was earlier today but he's figuring out what sex is. I want Michael Rooker. Well, there's, you know what I figured you in the bathroom? Well, that was just checking for trackers, you understand. But there are when a man and another person might want to put something somewhere. This character's not saying a man and another person by the way.

Stan, I'm working on the replicator. We're getting a lot of good memories here, but I got to tell you, this thing is rock hard nonstop. This thing has an erection all the time. And I don't know what I'm supposed to tell. It's going to get knocked off one of these times. Stan. Well, it's a feature, not a bug, really. Oh, I see.

But she's doing the thing where it's like, okay, we can make out. That's free. But now I need $100 because, you know, shit ain't free, buddy. and he's uh he got the motor boating for free by the way i was pretty surprised about that but yeah so like he doesn't understand currency and he doesn't understand clearly what is happening here and like this lady calls the pimp brigade to come up first he dry humps her and then right oh yeah yeah because they're like on the bed canoodling a little bit what are you doing get the fuck off of me like he's just like dry humping for sure yeah pretty and then like you go

And you see a cum stain on this clone's sweatpants. It is unambiguous what happens. He nuts on this lady's thigh. And then she like kind of feels bad. She's like, was this your first time? And I'm like, even still, this is date. This dude's dangerous. Let your fucking pimp beat the shit out of this guy because this guy's not okay.

I know like it's calm as dangerous in general. You know, you never know where. But replica come? I don't think it's a great question. Do not want anything. thing of, you don't want any of that. Because that's got to be like fucking reptile in Mortal Kombat. Yeah.

She shoots and it's just acid. Xenomorph blood. That's why it's irresponsible of the feds not to put out a warning. There might be replicum out there. Yeah, exactly. When you're just having sex with somebody, you might be getting replicum than you. They should tattoo the surgeon general's warning, Chris, on his schvance. Well, first thing to get it clear.

I would just chemically castrate this dude. You know what I mean? Like, what does this dude need boners for? This thing isn't a person? That could be part of the rage cage I was talking. about. You decalrate people. All of that is going to slow down him getting out into the field so that we can

mind these memories to get the serial killer who is still burning and killing people out. It's true. It's fair. He's still on the loose while this clone's getting laid. It's fucked up. I do love the pimp coming in this guy. He just comes in and he's like, we got a problem with payment.

It's such a fucking hilarious delivery. He beats the ever-loving shit out of all these dudes to the point where the pimp is fucking begging him. He's like, I've had enough, I've had enough. And then, like, the sex worker comes over. And she's begging JCP, not to fucking kill this guy. Yeah, it's awesome. It's great.

He must be the best motorboater in the whole of the fucking world. Whole of Seattle, at least, because when they get outside, she's like, when you're back here, call me. Yeah, look me up when you get out. He came on your leg like a dog. Like, come on. It's romantic. She's falling in love.

Speaking of motorboats, Jake's boat repair. No, no, this is the name for my strip club. It's a strip club I'm opening. Ah, I see. You go motorboats. We don't do any sex work, but you can motorboat a lady. You can do that. That's right.

Don't touch the ladies otherwise. You can motorboat while I fix your outboard motor. How about that? Well, hold on. Hey, we warned you you're allowed to motorboat. You can't grab their breasts. That's disgusting. But only motorboating.

Only boat or boat. Here, Lenny and Sammy can hold you. your hands back if you have a problem doing that. I feel like that place would be pretty popular, honestly, yeah. The more the merrier, if I can get some mitts on me while it's happening. Totally. You got Lenny and Sammy there. They're like, if you do what you love,

you never work a day in your life. Now hold still. I'm counting that. I had three at once. And you know what? And Lenny and Sammy, they know how to put on a good cover charge. Just enough, it's a lot, but it's enough that they'll still pay it. They're not going to turn away. Those are some big, thick mitts they got

and like that like you know like hairy but like cold and sweaty somehow well yes and you know the one thing about white guy karate and i i all people all uh henchmen in all these movies have liquid wrists at this oh it's just non-stop cracking and whipping them yep just bending arms around those breaking snapping yep nothing actually speaking of uh wrists the handcuffs are the only thing in the movie that are slightly futuristic with the black thing on them that's what we're doing is that am I wrong right there's no chain to yeah yeah because again if you're doing like we need like it's a cheap fucking movie but like the computers need to be super you know what I mean like maybe

we just fake a you know what I mean like a minority report there's no keyboard thing the feds use laser guns yeah it's got to be anything because this movie you're fucking growing a grown human being in a goddamn sack like there has to be other technology. Yes. I'm just realizing. Wasn't Michael Rooker also in the sixth day? I think he is. Yeah. I think he's one of the hedgeman. I think he has a future gun.

He must. Because that's a better movie. No, no. Sorry, my clone. I mean, my real guy had seen that movie. Not me. I'm the replicants. Hey, Arnold, don't you think we should have future guns in this movie? Yeah, that's a good idea, Michael Rooker. We'll have

future guns in the sixth day. He is eating my birthday cake. I can't believe my replica. is eating my birthday cake. He's in my house eating my birthday clip. Nobody. Nobody has to teach that clone how to fuck.

That clone is fucking just fine. It is not acting a baby. The sixth day was one year earlier. So maybe that was Michael Rooker. They were like, listen, Mr. Rooker. We have this great movie. You're kind of the lead. It's you and John Clown Mandam.

Oh, sounds great. It's a clone. I just did a clone movie. Okay. What if it was a Replicate movie? Okay, we could do that. excellent what's a replica

so he's got a Ricker you know gets him out of custody or whatever and JCPD the clone is having some memories there's another murder going on or whatever

Rockabai baby and a burning lady and then this is Rooker like what do you see and dude this is so fucking funny me kill like he's fucking Frankenstein it's so

well this is what he's learned. Well, one from the apartment, they found a picture of a lady that wasn't murdered yet. We're doing, Andrew, you had said this is a movie. Remindy of the Watcher, and it absolutely does. Oh, yes. Big time. Came out the year before this, yeah. It's that late period serial killer boom, like Agent

Zero. What was the one we did? Taking Lives. Like, there's just taking lives. All of these movies. Suspect Zero. Suspect Zero. Sorry, yes. We've also done The Watcher. We have to watcher. Yes. The worst-looking movie in history. It's a muddy-ass movie.

that watcher. He's looking at the pictures, like, we need to find this. We're trying to find who this woman is, and this is what he's trying to. And he's kind of learning, like, you know, maybe the carrot instead of the stick. Maybe, here, have some ice cream.

Oh, yeah, like that ice cream. Good. Good ice cream. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, this is where he explains it, right? Because he goes, JCVD's like, who am I? And he's like, you are a genetic double,

which hearing Michael Rooker say you are a genetic double is a very funny line. And he's like, the other half. He's a killer. And now that we're friends and I'm starting to treat you more like a human being, you can ride shotgun with me while we go get ice cream. Here's some candy. And would you like your bye as well? It cuts to this playground and JCDD is coming out of the public restroom at this playground.

And he's got like a 12 foot roll of like toilet paper hanging off from here. This is embarrassing. But yeah, this is ice cream. Him saying ice cream while he eats it also very. And yes, he's like, I can draw a house with clock. And he's like, house with clock. I know exactly where that is.

Oh, the house clock. Let's roll. Of course. But it's this, it's the hotel here that they go to. And this is fucking hilarious. Like without identifying himself as a police officer, anything like that. Rooker just goes into this hotel lobby. And he's like,

can you tell me if this woman's staying here? What room is this woman in? The guy's like, I can't fucking tell you that. And then he just runs into the hotel, goes into the elevator. It's like, you can't do that. Like, unless you're accompanied by hotel staff. So he takes this guy hostage. Yeah, it's pretty great. He fucking pulls him into the elevator car with him here and they go up to the fourth floor, 14th floor as they are going up. You hear the fire alarm going off. And wouldn't you know what, Rooker finds this woman fucking burnt up in a bathtub. Oh, classic maneuver. Did she even have a kid?

What about the kid? I thought that was the whole fucking thing. Yeah, I don't know. Or the pool table. I didn't see a pool table anywhere. The billiard killer. You are a bad poker player. You are a bad pool player. The white ball. That's absolutely destroying all of Seattle.

Oh, that's what you should do. He should put the baby on the table and then get that white ball out there and break. Baby on the table. That's good luck. So, like, J-CVD, like, goes down to the basement or whatever, and, like, this is where, like, the replicant locks Rooker out or whatever, and he keeps going after the clone himself. There's, like, this intricate system of tunnels under this hotel. I don't know what we're doing here. Is this what he's on a motorcycle or is that later?

That's kind of later. This is where he's like, he's like, you received my message. Yes. And I was like, the message of the psychic link, I guess. I guess hard to tell Evil J CVD is putting it together and it's just like You're my genetic double

My body is your body My mind is your body My life is your life Oh oh okay That makes sense All right But my brother Jake cannot be trusted There's a word that I always love

JCVD saying in movies And that's the word beautiful And he says it right here He's like beautiful My exact double Like when he says beautiful, there's like, there's like two or three Ds in it, which is really great. Beautiful. That's a nicer way to say it.

I think we should have changed it to them. Yeah, what the hell? Try something different here. Did you just say buttoful? No, beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

That's close. That's actually close to what we're getting here. Beautiful, my. Yeah. Oh, that's the South African way we say. There's a great. Like, because, yeah, the, the, the torch is like, hey, I'll protect you, my brother. Jake can't be trusted or whatever.

And then Jake, will Jake kill me? We are the same. Jack kill, kill, Jake, Jake. Because I think, I think right here is Rooker's about to take the shot. Yes. This is the motorcycle, right? Yes, he's on the motorcycle. It's like this Ninja Turtle-esque series of tunnels.

And he almost gets run over by a motorcycle in a tunnel. it's a lot. Right. I'm surprised they didn't run into the techno drone down there. Shredder, the replicate got out again. Do turtle replica? There must have been a cloned turtle at some point. There has to have been. We're cloning turtles in dimension acts. I think that's how you got them fucking surfer frogs that they were cousins with or whatever. Yeah, they were cousins. Kissing cousins. I miss my mother, Krang. I made Shredder, I made a perfect genetic double of J-C-V-D

to beat my body, so now that I can do splits and shit. That's a cool idea. Oh, dude, it's J-CV-D with just a big pink brain in his tummy. Yeah. Oh, no, Shredder, it's a baby. He doesn't have a brain. He doesn't know how to shit, and now Michael Rooker is fingering him. No, no, no, we're sure.

There's a tracking device up there somewhere up there. You gotta get it. So somewhere around here, this is where evil J-CVD goes to the hospital, and this is where we learn that Mama is still alive. He's got a nice rapport with the desk nurse. She's like, oh, Mr. Savar or whatever his name is. And in other movies, when Rooker would get to the hospital,

like that lady would just be in a pool of blood. Yeah, that'd be cool. You know what I mean? And it would be that nice like, oh, they had the good rapport. And then she's like, what? You're killing me? Like, you know, other movies have done a similar. Well, actually, fucking Danny Trejo and then Rob Zombie Halloween.

Yes. I wanted that to kind of happen. Mighty no. But he's like, you know, he's going. He's talking to the mother who's like, you know, unconscious or comatose or whatever. And he's telling her about like this lady he killed, this, that, and the other thing. And this is, he has this flashback of this woman being like, you should never have been born, Luke Savard.

You're like, okay. And there's a very important, a very stupid music box because there has to be. Oh, right. That plays Rockabai Baby, wouldn't you know it? And it's one of these terrifying, like, whenever I see pictures of like toys or Halloween costumes from the 1930s and they're supposed to be these like fun children-friendly things,

and they're the most terrifying things you've ever seen in your life. That's what this music box is. This should be in fucking Ed and Lorraine Warren's fucking living room. Seriously, yeah. Like vintage toys, that's a one-way ticket to Demon Town.

Exactly. That's where they hide. Everybody knows that. Exactly. So Angie gets the real poop on the real J-CVD. Like this dude supposedly died in 1991 and we get all the stuff about the mom, killed the father,

and then there was the fire. And J-CV-D, the torch himself, only survived because it rained on the fire and put it out, you see. Oh, no. We just got a call from the director. Apparently, if we film the rest of the movie at the hospital, we can save a lot of money. So let's all just go to the hot. Forget everything else and the rest of this movie will take place in the hospital.

That's right. Yeah. And now if we add just like eight or, you know, five or eight shots of these Jean-Claude in the rain, it's meaningful now. We'll eat up some time here. See you guys, we made it make sense. This is great. What a fun movie we're making. They go the next day to Jake and Replicant to visit the mother, but the mother has died in the night.

It's unclear. It seemed like evil JCVD was killing her. He's like, now you die, mama. Is that right? They say it's a sudden cardiac arrest. So maybe he just yelled at her or something? Yeah. I am a ghost. I'm a ghost of the father you murdered. Yes, I'm your dead husband.

But it's so funny too because they've already packed up. Here's her box of shit. Yeah, yeah. And then Jake is like, can we look at the body? Dude, this replican starts crying when he sees the fucking dead lady too. It's hilarious. This is where like so the clone or the real killer, he goes down to the morgue, he takes this nurse hostage. or whatever. Yeah. We have a little back and forth there. This is where, like,

Rooker is told to drop his gun. He throws it into this... Goop. Goop tank. I guess this is, when you're, like, draining a body and getting it prepped for whatever, this is where all the fun stuff collects.

This is, like, the Morg fight sequence. And then after this, we're down in, like, the crematorium fucking... We keep going lower and lower in this hospital. So, yeah, the torch is beating Jake here a little bit here. This is Rooker getting his ass handed to him, by the... the way. And he shoots the shit out of his own mother, which is kind of funny. This

corpse, I love it. I love it. I love it. He goes, you bish, and just shoots this fucking corpse. I was like, dude, overkill. Come on. I know you're an evil serial killer, but Jesus. You already killed her, buddy. You did it. You won the day. Come on, man. I, I got to sing this movie's praise. Not a lot of movies have a guy shoot his dead mother a bunch. Yep, I agree. With the blood, Squibs, it's great. It's great. It's just this and Daddy Daycare. You're right, I forgot that scene. Yeah, I was

just about to say this might be the only movie, but you're right, that does happen in Daddy Daycare. Replicate gets a cut of the arm here, but then like, you know, the clone, the evil guy runs out. This is the ambulance chase part, which actually is awesome. This is very good. Yes. Rooker's

like hanging out of the side while JCPD drives this ambulance. Now he's driving the ambulance. We should mention. And there's all these, like, when Torch is getting out of there, getting to the ambulance. He pushes a Grampi in a wheelchair at a security guard, throws the Ivy drip thing at a guy, hits him through a window. He is using...

He is beating people with old people as well. He's using them as weapons. Why did I never think of that? Just take them by the legs. You can use them like a bat kind of. Yeah, no, we don't... I don't fight with guns or weapons. I fight with old people.

Guns are for pussies. You pick fights? with old people? No, I mean, I pick up an old person and throw them as somebody as a weapon. Oh. I bludgeoned you to death with a 70-year-old woman. That's what I did. You see, the head is very strong. And if you hit it with another head, boy, howdy, that thing just cracks wide open. In the wall of all the martial arts weapons and like nun chucks and stuff, there should also be a 75-year-old man off to the side that I can just pick as my weapon. Wow, your elderly man foo is quite impressive. Exactly. I will use a cantana.

Well, I'm going to use Mr. Gablowski. Oh, interesting. Oh, yeah. Then you know what? You roll with it. Sure, the cantana splits Mr. Gabowski in half.

But now it's like when a staff is split by a sword, now I got two old people, basically. Well, that's like, I think that would be a great unlock for, like, one of those streets of rage games. You're not, like, throwing tires at villains or anything. He's beating them with old people. Yeah.

Dead people. That would be great. so he's uh rickers fucking choking jcvd with the seatbelt the ambulance this is a great ambulance crashes and flips and falls into a stairwell great car stunt crazy great car stunt we also had rooker hanging on the side like indiana jones and really there's a stunt man just almost narrowly getting hit by all this shit there's also this cool thing where like those what do you call them there whatever it is to make people not drive fast in a hospital those like dividers this ambulance keeps hitting them and it keeps bumping on the top

like a lot of hydraulics are being used right now I was like really like not expecting this level of like cool chase scene thing totally I mean this is where like the Ringo Lamb of it all comes in because like that dude was a very accomplished you know action and you know martial arts crime director and whatever city on fire of course the movie that QT stole and made reservoir dogs but yeah

I mean it's really really impressive stuff right here Oh, but then so here we go. We get Rooker. I forget how JCPD gets him right here, but basically we're in the crematorium, and Rooker, like a Bond movie, is on the platform or whatever, being slowly pushed into the cremator here.

Oh, my God. I mean, this guy, a couple of times, our friend, The Torch, little Michael Myersy, him disappearing from the ambulance. This is, I mean, this is the end of Halloween, too. You know what I mean? We are in a hospital. You're right. And this is a rare daddy torching, not a mommy torching.

Yes, he's about to torture daddy. But no, the simple JCPD comes and saves him. I kicked him six times, Sheriff. I kicked him six times. But, man, it is so good seeing Rooker's legs start to go on fire. Yes, dude, yeah. Coming to the realization that he is going to die in this crematory burning alive. But no, right, because Chris, you mentioned the good JCPD, the Replicant shows up just in time.

And this is the moment we've all been waiting for JCVD versus JCVD in this gymnastics fight. Yep, that's what I bought a ticket for four or five times. It's such a good concept, dude, over and over again. I mean, playing his own double has to be his hallmark as it. It's the split and playing is double. That's it. Yeah, the splits first and then playing your own double is second.

And that's, you know, if you got to be remembered for something. Cocaine usage, I think, could be a strong third. Yeah, that's important too. That's, you know, you went after it, man. But this is very silly because they realize after a fashion, fighting each other with martial arts is tough to do because they're reading each other's mind and they're just blocking and doing the same move. So like nothing is getting done or whatever is, I can read your mind. We can't both pick Ryu and both do the Hadukin at the same time.

It will blow up in the middle and no one will take damage. He is fucking, the replicant winds up stepping on the torch's neck right here. Yes. And I thought he was done. Well, that's the thing is he is proving that he is nature versus maybe wrong. Nurture might have something to do with it because he doesn't kill him here. He's like, I will neft do. But of course, evil J-CvD, this super shovel that he used earlier, this thing looks like it hurts.

Yeah. This is like a fucking grave. digger shovel, dude, you don't want to mess with this thing. Talking about someone like Michael Myers, you know, we assume the torch is down because he's been net stomped and, you know, Rooker's getting up and walking over there. And then, yeah,

he comes back for one last scare, this evil JCPD with this shovel. Lifeless splits like the devil splits. I fed him dog food six times, Sheriff. He's evil. Yeah, I think whether the torch there hits good JCVD with the shovel, but Rooker shoots him.

Is that right? Yeah, he pumps him full out immediately. So that sort of, like, because then you get both. You get, like, you're still, deematically, you know, he's walking with killing, but now Michael Rooker gets to get revenge for whatever. Exactly. It should be revenge for, like, his fucking lady friend getting killed. Sure. That'd be something. The, maybe, I think, because are we supposed to glean, you know, that'd be something to.

It could have been that. Are we supposed to glean that the guy who gets killed in the apartment. explosion is the boss from the police station? Oh, I don't know. What are you doing? Because that guy goes on the raid. Yes. But then there's no, we're not at a cop's funeral or anything like that.

No. The movie doesn't really care. Yeah, it doesn't care. Maybe they, I mentioned, they just want to cut everything down to the essentials. Yeah. Yeah. And the replicas. And then the replicas says like, Jake, I see rain, rain in my eyes.

And I'm like, are they doing a blade runner thing? Yeah. Because this is a very tender moment between Rooker and the Replicate tears. We're up. He's not your family. I'm your family. I love you. Shank.

Shock. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder. Like some of the tears and rain, Shaq. And then he goes into the fire to presumably die. And there's this, this is another great stunt moment where Rooker's banging on the door. Open the goddamn door. The entire room explodes. This is awesome.

You see the stunt guy go flying. Yeah, flies under the stunt guy. It's incredible. It's great. And then like the NSF guy who we haven't seen in 45 minutes is like, well, I guess that didn't work out. On to stopping terrorism, I guess. The only ones who made it were the corpses in the drawers. So presumably good JCPD has been burned to death.

This was obviously filmed in 2000. Maybe the NSF should have looked into more flight schools and stopped fucking around with the cloning. you know what I mean you might actually have stopped some terrorism possible. No, we got to get back. Our fucking Timothy McVeigh

replicant is teething. Oh, no. But I'm sad that we met, we got rid of him. I'm sorry that he's gone. We got to get back to the office. Baby BTK is coming along nicely.

We got to track that fucker. Damn, I love this idea. Do more of these movies. I want all these killers, lose. They, do sort of telegraph, like you see the

replicate looking at the drawers. Yes. Yes. Right. And they even say, like, I think the guy, NSF guy is like, yeah, the only thing that survived were all the corpses in the drawers. Remember that? The drawers we saw. Right, right. But then it's underlined that he

lived when Rookers at home, at question mark his house. Maybe he lives there, maybe not. I believe he's playing 1080 on N64. That's the snowboarding game. I thought it was, but I don't think so, dude, because maybe it was, that's what you

saw on the screen, but when they cut back, that's a PlayStation 1, brother. That's tough. Oh, really? So I don't know. I thought it was 10, dude, I loved that 1080 snowboarding game. I fucking played that for days on end back in the 90s. But yeah, he's like, oh, whatever it's, I'm retired or whatever.

I guess you got to play video games with my fucking girlfriend's shitty son. Yeah, but what is that I see out the window? A suspiciously JCVD in the Raid. Putting a creepy ass DeKenzian music box into the mailbox. This is a threat.

This is an absolute. I would rather open my mailbox to find a bullet. Yes, exactly. This creepy ass fucking haunted doll from some dead French kid. No thank you. We can tell the replicants doesn't really have all of its marbles yet because he thinks this is a nice gesture for the son ice, I suppose. Well, right.

I'm going to tell you right now, the steps on is dead. The JCVD is going to kill the steps on. He has to. You took my place. That is my daddy. He is not your daddy. Yeah. I don't know.

Do not wipe my ass anymore. You wipe his ass now. But I don't know where he's going to find time to get revenge or whatever because he's just going to be getting laid with this sex worker at the end of the movie here. It's great. They'll meet under in the red light district and she's like, finally. And I'm like, what? Yeah. And that's the end of the movie.

Like he's walking across the street There's like other sex workers standing there Like come meet my co-workers I guess I think he should be the Pimp now Oh that's cool He scared the other guy off And now he's gonna start hitting Johns Oh you're totally right dude

That's exactly what it is now is my new business venture I mean he doesn't have a social security number He needs an underground source of income It's a great one It makes that I am I a Pimp I mean look we were looking forward to the sequel Repliquant 2 kindly Pimp It could work for that right in.

Exactly. And oh, here it is. Pimplicant. Pimplicate is better. It's Pimplicant, colon, or the tagline is, he hits the Johns, never the girls. Like, you know what I mean? So he's like the good guy here. Yep.

Pimp. Yeah. Danny the good pimp. That's actually kind of surprising. You got to name this freak something else. Yes. At some point. Like, I shall call.

you Charles. Exactly. Or like happy days on, I'm going to call you Richard Cunningham. You know, like just like some kind of thing like that. You're totally right. Steve, he has to be named off of whatever is on the television. Exactly. I'm going to call you snort. I'm going to call you a snowboarding game.

All right. You are Bundy. Little Bundy. Oh, hi, little Bundy. Here's my slow cousin's snowboarding game. Could you love me? Lovely sex worker? My name is Snover.

snowboarding game. Oh, of course. That's such a unique name. Let's have sex. My last name is PlayStation 1. And I can say it just like the commercials. PlayStation. I am Matilda, PlayStation 1.

Finally, after so long. Oh, Mrs. PlayStation 1 right this way. Oh, you used to be a sex worker? Oh, wow. Oh, man. We got a coffee for... money. Got a coffee for snow.

Snowboarding game? Yeah, that's me. Oh, you know what? Can we enough with the fun names? I'm trying to run a coffee shop. God damn. Oh, that's your real name. That is my real name.

My daddy gave me that name after playing, if you could believe it, a snowboarding game. Oh, man, that is the end of this ridiculous movie. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts and recommendations. Mr. Chris Cabin. I mean, I guess the very. lightest of recommend i mean very very like if you are uh big on jcvd or wringledam i would say sure or even michael rooker he he is pretty good in this he keeps the whole thing together as much as it does

stay together um it just goes everywhere like it's impossible to like really like sink into it because it's not made to care about you're just kind of like watching each scene for whatever it is like oh well now as it goes in as we go further into it and all the like mental stuff becomes more important. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I cannot care about any of this. But at the beginning, when it's just starting, it's pretty fun. But once we really start doing the baby stuff, I can't, I can't sanction that. Yeah. Steve Saneck. No, this is a big recommend for me. It's so, it's a seeing as believing. It is a real, it doesn't work. I'll agree with you, Chris. It does not work on any level. Like, it is baffling the choices this movie makes and why this is

dropped and this is elevated and then this is dropped this is elevated all that stuff but it's just kind of a weird watch and I think honestly like there is a the ending is more exciting with the ambulance chase and the the forge fight as opposed to like

cat and mouse in a house which is sort of how this movie probably should have ended but I think this is actually a little more exciting so long story short pretty strong recommend on my part even though it's it is a bad movie for sure yeah I will say that yeah It's a recommend. It is a,

it's a fun, bad movie. I'm not putting on airs here that this is some like hidden gem. It's ridiculously stupid. But like Michael Rooker really does a good job in it. J.CVD is as entertaining as he usually is, I guess. Especially you got to remember this is like later JCPD.

We're a long way from kickboxer at this point. But also just speaking to Ringo Lamb, another recommendation. He directed Twin Dragons with Jackie Chan. It's funny because it's a co-directing with Choi Hark, who directed J.CVD and knockoff. So it's a weird, whatever. That's a good Jackie movie.

My guys. I got my guys here. All right. And Mr. White Guy Karate himself, Eric Siska, the final thought. It's a strong recommend for me. I had not seen this before. I just, it kind of blew me away just because of the stunt work. And Michael Rooker, I love seeing Michael Rooker and stuff. More of him, please, and everything.

And J.CVD is always a good time. It's really one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen, though. Like, nothing makes sense. It's a house of cards that falls apart immediately. But I had a good time with it. By the way, the cinematographer would go on to work on a movie we covered on our Patreon, spymate. Oh, wow. What?

Yes. Oh, that's a movie where Richard Kind holds a gun. I believe so. We finally found a movie where Richard Kind holds a gun. And that was it. We covered it on Patreon. So check that out as well. That's amazing.

Speaking of the Patreon, by the way, you can get episodes just like they. this on patreon.com slash we hate movies. The difference is they are 100% commercial free at all times. But that's not all. If you get over there, you unlock all sorts of crazy stuff. Like, we love movies, which is sort of the pseudo counter to this show, although

not really anymore. The lines are sort of blurred. But there's an exclusive episode on the Patreon feed for Bloodsport. Speaking of JCVD, getting into this white guy karate month deal, you want to check that out. Chris Cabin, last week, we released a once in a lifetime. That was pretty wild.

Oh, on fatal defense, yes. If you are ever worried about if you're a defense coach or your boxing sparring partner is indeed stalking you and trying to turn you into a new dead wife. I would tell you, we have the movie for you. We had a great time laying this down. It's really funny up. Absolutely. And then last week we also did our return to Melro 210. Yes, we did.

We have one of each, again. Thank God. We get a little bit of a mix for just a breaker here. And, of course, we're laying down now college years of 902 and O. We're starting the painful process of moving into college from high school. But of course, and of course, nonstop baby kidnapping on Melrose Place. If you love that, we've got a show for you here, folks. Absolutely.

Steve Sadek, if folks are listening to this on the day it comes out, which is Tuesday, the 17th of February. What's going on tonight at 8 p.m. over on the top tier of the Patreon? are doing another after dark hang we can talk about, we're just taking your questions and just talking kind of willy-nilly. There is you can ask us questions in advance

on Patreon, but there will be a live chat. You can also chat with us and we'll answer, tell some stories. Just have some fun, man. Hell yeah. And then next week on the Patreon, by the way, the Nexus, we're back to do a toasters and a TNG. We're now nicely in season 5 of TNG, so we're going to start seeing some really fantastic episodes of that

television show coming up. And then also next week, on Friday the 27th, yes, white guy karate month spills over into our Q1 commentary. We're talking kickboxer. That is right. More JCVD, the kickboxermentary coming out that day. But Steve Sadek, we have one more film entry in our first ever white guy karate month. How are we closing it out next week? You know, we just couldn't do a white guy karate month without one of the grand dragons of white guy karate. Uh, Steven Seagal, it's out for justice. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy, this was something.

It's a trip. It is an absolute trip. We're talking bad Brooklyn accents. Bad dubbed mumbling Italian dialogue. But awesome punches to the nuts. A lot of good violence, good William Forsy. Let's just tell people watch it for next week. Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. It's a recommend. We're talking a background, one of the stunt coordinators making Stephen Seagal shit himself. Oh, right. the famous tale from that set. That's from this movie. Oh, that's from this movie. So more caca talk.

Absolutely. So until next week with Stephen Seagal and apparently more caca talk. I've been Andrew Jupin. Stephen Zedak. Eric Cisca. This cap on. Take it easy.