We Hate Movies - S16 Ep848: Out for Justice (1991)

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

“This is such a choppy edit, thanks for nothing, Steven Seagal!” - AndrewOn this week’s show, we’re bringing “White Guy Karate” Month to a close with a banger conversation on the outrageous Steven Seagal film, Out for Justice!How hilarious is Seagal’s Brooklyn accent? What is this outfit he’s wearing at the start of the picture? Was Seagal dubbed for the Italian dialogue? Were John Leguizamo’s scenes deleted? And should Gino have left that dog in the car the whole film? PLUS: Visit the all-new fast food sensation, Fuck Burger!Out for Justice stars Steven Seagal, William Forsyth, Jerry Orbach, Jo Champa, Shareen Mitchell, Gina Gershon, Julianna Margulies, John Leguizamo, Raymond Cruz, and Dominic Chianese as Mr. Madano; directed by John Flynn.Don’t miss us on the road this winter when we’re in Minneapolis on March 20, and Chicago on March 22! Tickets are on sale now and you’re not gonna wanna miss us, gang! Click through here and snag your tix now!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey folks, before we get to today's episode on Out for Justice, just wanted to give you a quick reminder. In just a few weeks, we are going to be touching down in the Great City of Minneapolis. On March the 20th, we're going to be at the Varsity Theater, making our Minneapolis debut to entertain the masses talking about Conan the Barbarian. By the way, don't get it twisted. It's the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger one. All right, we don't want you watching the remake, okay? And then just a few nights later, on the 22nd, we're going to be making our return to Chicago. It's been a long time since we've been to Chicago.

We're going to be at the Den Theater for the first time talking about big the Tom Hanks comedy that gets a little saucy and a little weird. You know what I'm talking about. All tickets are on sale now. They're flying fast. You don't want to miss out, folks. Head to our website, WHM Podcast.com. And yes, there will be meet and greets after both shows. We're very excited about that.

We love meeting folks on the road. Seeing y'all out there is why we do this. It's a lot of fun. We're very stoked, y'all, so we're hitting the road in March. We're going to be in Minneapolis on the 20th at the varsity theater talking Conan the Barbarian and the 22nd in Chicago at the Den Theater talking big starring Tom Hanks and Robert Loja. All right, that's it for me. We are closing out White Guy Karate Month with a total banger.

It's Stephen Segal in Out for Justice. Enjoy. Oh, perfect. This week on the program. We're talking about a movie where Stephen Segal punches a dude so hard in the dick that blood shoots out his mouth and he dies. We're talking out for justice. I'm Andrew Jupin. Hey, oh, Stephen Seda.

Out for Siska. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. We are wrapping up White Guy Karate Month with a real banger here.

We're talking Out for Justice from 1991, directed by John Flynn, and starring, that's right, the be ponytail-tailed Stephen Seagall. But Chris Cabin, John Flynn, two amazing directorial efforts in that catalog there. I mean, honestly, he's a really, he's one of those dependable directors, you know, he just knows what you need to put into the movie. The outfit and Rolling Thunder are both fantastic movies.

Those were the ones I was roughing. But even his, honestly, his last two movies, I know this is going to make everybody shudder a little bit, are Stephen Baldwin pictures. The last one, really good. Surprisingly good. What is it called?

It's called protection. Yeah, I don't use any of that. I'm my dick, Stephen Baldwin. Is that what it's about? Guys, I thought you guys were going to reference previous episode, Brain Scan, of course. Which is an outlier in his catalog, I'll say. Almost everything else makes sense.

It's like a new Hollywood crime movie. And then all of a sudden in the middle of it, no, towards the end of it more, is this video game horror thing? So just thinking of putting the pieces together that John Flynn directed Brain Scan, do you think that was one of those things where he directed that movie, but he kind of didn't know what it was about? He's just like some old-timer Like yeah

There's a CD And you know I was I was you know We're doing research for the film And I was looking up And it turns out that those video games It actually scans your brain That's what they did

And of course That's where the title comes from Is that they're scanning your brain I heard you could get a virus From that kind of stuff Uh oh Yeah Freddie Kruger on a video game

I got it whatever What's the next Sleep please Mr. Cisca, did you write it all down? We start with a lengthy quote here, dude. We're a bad. Arthur Miller. New York resident, in case you're wondering.

Eric Siska, we ate movies. Stenographer did get this. Hey. Well, to the stranger's eye, one street was no different from another. We all knew where our neighborhood somehow ended. Beyond that, a person was a stranger. Arthur Miller playwright raised in Brooklyn.

Not a bad quote. It's okay to tell about Brooklyn, but it's not like this movie is gangs in New York. We're like, that matters a lot. It just kind of, the mafia every once in a while, I was like,

you don't do that here. Not in this neighborhood. You don't do this in this neighborhood. We're shooting around. We're trying to get this thing of like, oh, but he could have been in the mafia, but he's actually a cop. And like, what does that mean?

a man of two worlds and it never happens. It's just, it's always. Nope. But that shows you this is a barrel, a barrel of trouble this borough, you know? The trailer opened with miles from civilization, but a subway stop away. Brooklyn is disgusting.

Yeah, we start things here. Seagall's on a stakeout with his partner here. And we see some pimps roughen up some working girls is how we get into. to it. And the one girl here getting really, really rushed up is the actress Kelly Joe Minter, who you guys might know from people under the stairs.

Summer School, Nightmare and Elm Street 5. Classics, classic. She was around in the 80s doing sort of small roles like this, but I really remember her most in summer school. Summer school, one of those that we should get around to one of these days, it's one of those comedies I think we could handle. Oh, yeah. More plot than actual

laughs. Yeah, yeah. But the classic pimp character, a little late for this guy, I'll be honest. This guy's straight out of a dolomite movie. Yes. I think there was a time machine that happened or something. Or like he came like a

Terminator. He just reappeared there. He may as well called Stephen Sagal a fucking jive turkey. Yeah. I mean he does the turn up truck bit and I'm like oh man yeah that is old. That is like from the 50s man. This is John Tolls Bay as King the

Pimp. He's fun and pops up and stuff. He's in like water world for in K-Pax. That's cool. I know I'd see this guy in a bunch of stuff, but like, K-Pax. He's just, you show up on set and like, oh, the script's a little rough. Oh, the red set. I got it. No, I don't, no, say no more. I got it. You know, you mentioned in K-Pax makes me think maybe next February,

Spacuary, Space, Spacuary, Space January? We're just, all sexual assaters. We're going to get that. Oh, as many as we can. Well, sure. And we'll do seven on the W-O-L. Yeah, of course. It's a big one. I was doing the math because of all the Brett and Ratner news on

Melania that literally now, I'm talking only X-Men movies with X-Men in the title, not like Deadpools and whatever. Everyone except for first class and I believe Dark Phoenix

are sexual predators, directed by a sexual predator. Honest to goodness, sexual predator. Right. Dark Phoenix is written and directed by Simon Kinberg. So it's far. as I know you're safe there. Matthew Vaughn seems to be in the clear. Currently. I don't have the math in front of me.

There's always time. There is always time. Dream big. There's not a lot of time for Segal here, though, because he's observing what's going on. He's getting pissed off about the pimp roughing up this lady. And they're like observing some $3 million drug deal that's about to go down. But Stephen Seagal cannot help himself. He's got to beat the shit out of this guy. And I love the line, hey, Gino's blowing it.

Like all these fucking cops get all mad at him. Well, this is the only Bobby Lupo scene we get the very important Bobby Lupo. You want a little bit of him. Because Scal's like, hey, Bobby, you see, or she's saying, hey, oh, Bobby, I'm Italian. You see him a little like out of touch. You okay? He's like, yeah, personal problems. That's it.

Well, that's, I mean, this is the entry into, I mean, Segal had his way with this movie in the editing room. And I think there was probably a much better film. Oh, yeah. That could have been if Flynn and whoever he wants. wanted to edit actually had gotten to do with it. But like all, every time I think of, every time there's an action scene, I'm like excited, but I'm also like, he was notorious for fucking with stunt performers. Yes.

Like notorious for fucking with him and hitting them for real, all that kind of shit. And like, I'm just like, this must been a nightmare every time it starts up. He was just that good, Chris. Sure. He was the real deal and he had to show everyone. King needs to show he's a king. This is the beginning. Even this scene, this, this Pimp scene is classic.

Exigal. Oh, you like to beat up little girls? Oh, man, la, he, you know what I mean? He goes, he's like, beat up on me, asshole. Yeah, it's like a line for line from, what was, fire down below? On deadly ground. On deadly ground, yes.

Because he's like, oh, you're big man, you're big. I feel like every movie, he's like, you're big man, fight me. Yeah, he's a big man with your big balls. It's literally, his small dick comes out in every scene where he's like, no, I'm like, oh, you think you're tough, you like to beat up girls, you like to throw dogs out of cars. You know what I mean? Yep, exactly.

First of all, you like to cheat on your taxes? The dog out of a car thing, we'll get there. But what the hell was that guy doing? That happens more than you think, dude. On the highway? Yes. But maybe not for this film. Then something's going to get run over and no one's the wiser.

Fellas, come on everyone. People listening right now probably driving to throw a dog on the highway right now. Listen, there's lakes, there's rivers. There's waterfalls. I thought you were going to say maybe we shouldn't be fucking killing the killing animals. You just don't want them doing it in the road. People got to commute. Efficient animal abuse is what we're saying.

Don't be clutter it. People have got to commute. It's my same thing with suicide. It's like, don't do that on the subway, pal. It's what didgy motels are for? Exactly. So, yeah, beat up on me, asshole. Sagal throws this dude through the windshield of a car.

And I do love, it's a freeze frame on Stephen Sagal's name coming up. as he is just staring at this dude, like laying dead in the fucking car. It's pretty cool. It's crazy, man. I like, like he breaks his, he breaks the side window with his head,

and then he flips his entire body into the windshield next. Yeah. It's crazy. This is one of those things where I was like, oh, that's really cool. Oh, that's why that's not there. The credits are like dark gray.

And at first I'm like, oh, that's, I don't think I've ever seen dark gray credits. And then when it starts unfurling, I'm like, I can't read this. Like, you know what I mean? Oh, that's why I haven't seen. seen great credits.

No, no, we should make it lighter. Make it harder for them to see who actually made the movie. Make it as hard as possible. Make sure, it's only me, yeah. Well, you know, it's like the effect of being dizzy from being hit by one of his haymakers. Of course. Oh, right. It's a classic.

Totally. I do you, King. We cut to good old William Forsyth as Richie Madonna and he's unveiling this huge stash of cash and he's telling all these scumbag dudes like, hey, stick with me tonight. And this is all yours. and I love the one guy, how bad could one night be? And yes, indeed, folks.

I forget about this all the time when I watch this movie. This is a one crazy night movie. It is a Stephen Seagal, one crazy night movie. Already William Forsyth is fucking stealing this movie. Yep. Right in the first fucking scene,

this guy, pure energy. Like the eyes, it's un-fucking believable. And he's giggling, too. He's like a big fat Joker. Yes. Oh, man. I think, like, he was really getting into this role and this dude was legit smoking.

crack in between his incredible performance. He is un-fucking hinged in this movie. And also, just thinking back for a second, didn't John Flynn direct his father in Rolling Thunder? Oh, is that his father? Is Bill Forrest? No, they're not related. They seem to be not related. Oh, okay. But that is, that is another Forsyth in that movie, though. Am I not mistaken? Yes. Well, I'm not sure about Rolling Thunder. So William, uh, William Forsyth was born in New York in, in Brooklyn, Brooklyn born Bedford Stuyveson

and he's partially Italian and... Bed Stuy do or die. And Segal came up to him had the balls to come up to. He was like, yeah,

you got to work on that Brooklyn accent, pal. And he's like, yeah. I think I got it, dude. I think you might need...

No, it's got to be big. You gotta go, A, oh. Work with me, Bill. Hey, oh. I'm sure he had some notes for the pimps accent, too.

By the way, just a correction. No, it's William Devane who's in Roll. Oh, yeah. I thought it was another Forsyth in there. Anyway, so then we got, here's Bobby. And again, like, Bobby and his family walking out of the market. This is such a choppy

edit. Thanks for nothing, Stephen Seagall. But they go into, you know, she's like, I'm going to take the kids into the bodega or whatever. And Forsyth just comes out of nowhere, pops this dude and spits in his mouth. Unbelievable. Incredible.

And leaves a very important dirty photograph on his body. Oh, hell yeah. There's a little pornography for you. Kids, you take a look. That's how you do it. You got to pay the boatman in pornography. That's right. Yeah, pennies don't work anymore.

Dirty magazines, dirty photographs. I got to tell you, a lot of these scenes, there's a couple scenes that are based right at the crime scene. My eye is drawn to the billboard where it's, I guess it's, I guess it's, It must be like a union thing. Daily news is bad news for its workers. I was like, oh my God, there was a paper. It's straight going on during the filming of this.

I imagine Seagall's like, that's bullshit. That's news. That's important. Dude, that's awesome when you can catch shit like that. I forget what the movie is. I was watching something. It was a New York shot film from the 80s. And it must have, it was during the production of cruising.

And there was just a big thing like graffiti that was like, stop the production of cruising or whatever. It was very controversial at the time, whatever. And it was just like it was spray painted on like a highway underpass kind of column or something just on the west side. I couldn't believe it. It was so it's cool when you catch stuff like that. I didn't notice the union thing though. That's pretty cool. He's absolutely dead. And where everyone's kind of his crew is a little surprised by the move. He gets in the car, you know, it's hey, it's afternoon Brooklyn traffic. You know, it's it's rough. out there, folks. Yeah, good.

Better hit the crack pipe in the car while you're sitting in traffic, dude. He's saying shit, like, going to get a lot hotter before the night's over, and I'm like, oh, boy. And I'm going to tell you right now, the thing you learn from this movie is, take it easy with the horn, maybe. Yeah, this lady right here.

She gets, he gets, I mean, Bill Forth's life is trying to enjoy his crack. I understand where he's coming from. But, like, she just gives this a couple horns. He puts his head out, like, what? What are you want for me? and then immediately pops her and comes over to the car and pops her in the fucking edge. She calls him an asshole and he goes, oh, I'm an asshole.

Dude, this is one of the wild, like, yeah, this is like a real, watch it with the road rage. You never know who's around her. You never know when you're going to encounter a cracked out William Forsyth. This is the movie unhinged in 31 seconds. Like they just cut it down. But this scene is like ingrained in my brain forever. I saw this soon after it came out. My parents were into watching Stevenson.

Segal movies. Hell yeah. I watched this at like, I don't know, what was, I was probably like, like 11 or something and just watching Forsyth grab this woman by the head. Like pulls her head out of the car.

Yeah. I'm an asshole, puts the gun to her head and just blows it away. And I think about it once a day. Damn. I mean, it's a good, like the woman doing the stunt is really good here. It's a good, like, body drop. She's literally hanging out of the car halfway. Well, he could have

executes her like you would like a dog or an animal like you know what I mean like just the gun to the head like it's very very violent billy you need to go and you got to find yourself some better crack addicted henchmen because these guys are being a wet blanket about all this year totally right they're bringing the party down you're absolutely right yeah you want us let's all take the pipe maybe the guy driving should take less of the pipe but other than that everybody should be tuned into the fucking roof absolutely dude a designated driver you're right step It's important. In all situations. We also cut back and forth between like Segal and his like son here about like the kid is like, can we play catch? Well, did you finish your homework? No. All right. Let's go play catch with.

Hell yeah. Good boy. Good boy. Don't do that shit. He's wearing this. It looks like a karate outfit, but it's not. It's like a sweater vest that has buttons on it, but no shirt underneath. I don't know what the fuck this is supposed to be.

I really don't. And he's got the fucking Curtis Slee-Wiwax. hat on. No, not yet. He, he... Oh, that's later? Oh, okay. When he goes to the crime scene, before he leaves, before he leaves his house, how can I look more ridiculous? Oh, yeah. And then you want to... Exude authority, and that's what the

Seaw Wild look is really, you know, really gives you, I think. The kid, I do love that. That the fucking, like, you're not going to learn how to pitch for the Yankees if you got your head in the books. You've got to get out there and catch. No son of mine's going to learn. No, sir. That's right. I would live vicariously through my son's impending baseball career.

It's like I'm on the Yankees. Now let's go and look at the corpse. What? It's my partner. I've always loved this apartment, by the way, that he's got here. You got some nice French doors, a lot of room to maneuver. Pretty nice here. But yeah, he gets the call right. Is they about to go play catch?

Bobby's out. He's got to call the ex-wife. And he's like, hey, Vic, I got to drop the kid back off at the house. And she's like, this is where we get a little bit of, oh, you know, he looks forward to this one weekend, every month you're doing this again he's like I know Vic but Bobby just got shot and every every day he's just

saying mom why aren't you daddy why aren't you Stephen Seagall I wish you were Steven Seagall mommy I've been taking my hair wearing my hair in a ponytail just to give him some sort of semblance of consistency yes but you know I mean at least she has the bosoms to match

him but she he goes jury criminal under of Jerry Orbach in this movie. Crazy. Oh, these are things deleted. Yes. But this is where he's got the Curtis Slewa hat on.

Yes, he's wearing it. And he's like, I can't believe they got Bobby right here in the street. Great. Another reason why I wish Orbach was in it more is so characters could say his name more. This dude's name is Ronnie Donzinger. Nice. What a name. Hell yeah.

Jerry Orbach, for New Yorkers anyway, for me anyway. You know, you've been on the subway. There was those ads forever about the eye donation. I talk about this every time. the guy. Of course you have to. It's all you think about is that he donated his eyes and someone out there has Jerry Orbach's eyes. Yes. It was a huge

campaign that is burned into my brain as well. I watched Lord Nord quite a bit and I'm always like, where are his eyes? Who's got him? Where are his eyes? Where the fuck are his eyes? And you don't know. They might be looking at you right now. Exactly. Like you, if you're in New York, you know, you're just sitting down to dinner with your friend,

your lover, your wife, your husband. They might have Jerry Orbach's eyes right now. It's crazy. You don't know. And then the Then I get thinking, like, how many times can you recycle an eye? Are Jerry Orbach's eyes? That's a good question. 20, 2049 Jerry Orbach's eyes. I think it runs as long as it can.

You know, it's not a thing like you, if it can go that long, it can go that long. You can go for as long as you want. Well, you just put it in younger and younger bodies. But no, but wait a second, though. Like, Jerry Orbach lived to be a very old man and then passed away and then donated those eyes. I mean, that's like, here's my fucking beater car that's worth $600. Get another 50 miles out of it.

But if you put care into it, you put a new engine in those eyes. No coat of paint in those eyes. But that doesn't help. Did they have like fucking cataracts and all that? Like, I'm sure the fucking old man wore glasses. He was very regular with the vizine. You got to keep those things wet maybe.

Oh, yeah, dude. Wet up those eyes. Draw, red eyes. Remember those Ben Stein commercials for clear eyes? I hope he loses his vision. Listen, Sam Watterston, I got to keep these things wet. These are going to make someone very happy someday. Hey, Sammy, you know what they say?

Weather is better, huh? Weather is better, huh? I did some digging and apparently it was one eye per person. They don't like this. We have talked about this at least nine times over the last 16 years. And I think every time I've brought up, yes, you would not give one person both eyes. You got to make that shit last. I want both eyes.

It's because you're greedy. You can't get to say they have Jerry Orbach's eye. That's much better. He's got Jerry Orbach's eye. It just ups the chances of you meeting one of these people. You make it love to someone with Jerry Orbach's eyeball in their skull. I guarantee you you've been been observed by a Jerry Orbach eye. If you have one of Jerry Orbach's eyes right into the mail, please, I've got a lot of questions.

But so, yeah, it's just, oh, my. God, it's his partner, his best friend shot right in front of his wife and kids. You know, it's... Orbach says they didn't find anything, which we know now the Polaroid is missing. A little bit of intrigue there. And then this is, they get a call and it's like, he just pulled a girl out of a car and shot her in the head on 18th Avenue. It's like, this guy's getting out of control.

And there's also an Orbach line about like, are you all right? And it's like, I ain't all right. He was my best friend, which is why you shouldn't work on this case. Precisely. Give me a shotgun and an unmarked card. He's like, sounds good. Excellent. It means I don't have to do anything.

Perfect. It's good thing we're miles from civilization. Gino, no, I got to tell you, they shot her right in the head. Will she mithing off? Did she stay in line? If that's so, then maybe Ritchie is on the side of the angels. Was she leading on her horn by any chance?

Like that is just. It could be justified, I guess. I love. Here's a question. Did she honk? Did he put his head up like, I hear you, and I will fix the situation. And then she continued to honk afterwards. She ruined a crack high. Well, that's, oh, that's all off then. What is a Russell Crow is explaining it in that, in that movie. And he ends, he's like, you could have just gone with the courtesy tap. Just a little bet, better that, that, but you had to go full on laying out the horn. Yes. And that's why I'm going to ruin ye life. Oh, man. That movie. I know Steve doesn't drive much, but you guys honkers, you honking? Oh, big time. Oh, my God. I'm tapping.

Wait, Chris, Chris, hang on a second. Chris, you're not honking? No. I learned to honk from your father. Well, yeah, but different from my father in many ways, Andrew. You know what, fair enough. But I remember being, I've told this before, but Chris's dad took us into the city one time.

And I was just, because upstate, you don't drive like that. It's like, it is a frowned upon you're being rude. and inconsiderate, what's the big rush. The man is a monster. I was fucking blown away at this New York City car honking. I was like, I didn't even know you could do that. It was like watching a fucking magician.

In a fucking corolla too. I don't know how this. It's power with these things. I guess so. Dude, it was awesome. The honk is installed. The honk is meant to be used. Exactly. Exactly. So even this ex-wife is like being logical

here like, Gino, you're way. too close to this. You and Bobby were fucking best friends. You can't be on this case and he's just like don't worry Vic. I'll be back in time for the divorce hearing tomorrow. Of course you're getting divorced, you piece of shit. That's exactly what I have to be the person to blow his head off. No, you're not supposed to blow

his head off. You're supposed to bring him into the police station. I've got to be the one to put a knife directly into his heart. No, you're not supposed to do that. No, he's the head vampire and I have to We go to some Italian social club That he knows And this is like

It's hilarious Because there's this scene Where Segal goes up to Don Vittoria He's like Don Vittoria I love and respect you You are a king in this neighborhood And I would never do anything to upset you And then like stuff happens

But nothing that would change this opinion And then he has the exact same scene He's like You're a piece of shit You gotta fucking die I'm gonna figure out You know what? Because there's probably a fucking scene

Somewhere left on the floor where William Forsyth was doing a really great job acting, which by the way, that was why Seagal was like cutting so much out because he thought William Forsyth was upstaging him, which of course he was, because he's a real actor. Inevitable. But like, there's something

in there that must have turned the tide. Because if not, you just have to then assume, which I guess is also fair, right, that like he's lying to Don Vittorio in this moment because he's trying to get the info. And it's like, you know what? Gloves are off. I've always thought you were a piece of fucking shit, man. Yeah. It's

It's just weird, right? This is one crazy night, so it's only a few hours in between. Exactly. And what could have possibly happened? I also don't think anyone should talk to an older Italian gentleman like that. You shouldn't be talking like that. You shouldn't be rude to these people. The mafia are upstanding members of the community.

They have your best interests at heart. How dare you? These people might have killed your parents. You don't know. They have history here. They are part of the story. Yeah, but they're supposed to do that. Hey, speaking of the Italian mafia, by the way, Chelsea and I just watched, it's like a three-part Netflix thing on the Philadelphia mob wars of like the 80s into the 90s.

Primo stuff for a lot of reasons. One, them accents, amazing. The clothes, amazing. And just some of the fucking fattest mafia dudes you've ever seen. Oh, yes. I've seen that. It's actually really good. It's a really good.

If you're looking to up yourself on a new mafia tale, I'd never heard anything. think about the Philly Mobbs. It's very, very fascinating stuff. All great guys. Oh, of course. Yeah. But he sits down. We are a pro-Mafia show and that goes for all the mafias and all the ones that you guys could war with each other. Whoever comes out on top, I like the triads, yakuza, whatever. Yeah, absolutely. I love these guys. The dead rabbits, fuck it. They're, they're upholding a certain social order that has decayed. I'll say that much. He sits down with Don Vitorio and they're all hugging and kissing like Italians do. and like they got this other guy

is it Frankie is the other one or who's the other like this he's number two that I think so he's the number two Don Deutorial are the two yeah the number two that it's confusing though because Segal keeps calling this guy like Cheech or something like he's got some nickname for him

so he's like you know it's basically like you know we disavow what happened to Bobby Lupo this wasn't our thing this guy's a cracket he's on and like if basically they give him kind of it's of bizarre because they give him the okay like you could yeah if you kill him it's fine

we the mafia are okay even though he's a made guy you know no no this is dude he says please let the mafia handle this oh okay got it yeah he's just like because he's doing this like um like he disgraced the mafia he's got some line he's like and on my sidewalk like the guy says he spilled the blood

of an innocent man in front of his family on my sidewalk I will teach this man the price of our blood I've told him no innocent man on Thursday any other day of the week it's absolutely fine but Thursdays

it's just like the parking you just need you remember you want to kill somebody put them in your car shoot him in the back of your head take them to a dock I mean Jesus Christ right there in front of

the store had to close down for an afternoon and then to waste good pornography that you could have sold on a little what was that a signature move you did there Richie

Jesus fucking Christ signature move So that's where it's sort of left Like please let the mafia handle this And he's a lot of like Oh yes much respect to you Don Maturio It's one of those scenes too Where the mafia guy is like

Hey Jimmy have a cup of coffee for a bit ponitailed friend here And then that character never gets the coffee I always hate when that happens At least get it to go It's fucking Italian coffee dude You know it's gonna be good Oh yeah I do like that moment When he gets into the shop

Wait when that scene started And someone's like Still comes his hair like a girl making fun of the ponytail That guy later of course Because the Stephen Sagan movie gets his He's gonna get his Oh yeah

How dare you So this is the weird Seagal's just driving down the street He's driving behind a car And then all of a sudden like the dude in the car leaves this like garbage bag on the street And Seagal almost hits it And he gets out of the car

And the bag's moving There's just this fucking puppy in here And you just see Sigal goes Please God, let me run into this guy someday This is him It's McGruber in the fucking license. I mean, this guy's got that note. He's got the same notebook,

but he has got like a library of them. It's like, it's like the fucking seven house from John Doe's house just with those fucking notebooks just of all the people. So much vendetta. But when he's driving, he sees the guy's bumper sticker first

does kill him all and let God sort him out. He's like, guess we got ourselves a tough guy. This guy thinks he's tougher than me. I'm going to fucking kill him one day. I mostly agree with this, but I don't like that he says it. then you get a cool cut to

no sleutlebrook. Fuck, yeah, dude. It is an awesome needle drop there. I was actually surprised. Yes. The Beasties don't, I mean, you know,

they specifically always have never licensed their stuff for like commercials and whatever, but also very rarely license for TV and film. Early enough that they probably got caught with that. I love the naming of the dog.

Oh, I'm gonna name you on. Let's think of an Italian name. You know, how about that painter, that famous painter, Caragio. you know it's a very famous

no v there else just caragio caragio is Italian for like courage for courage oh of course yeah but I thought he was I thought I did think Chris that he was mispronouncing

Caravaggio but then I was like there's no way this fucking character knows who Caravaggio was and there's no way that Stephen Segal would ever think to he only has an Italian memory he didn't give it a lot of thought either because he named the dog while buying a six pack of

seltzer from a boy on the street Yeah, totally. I love this little kid. He's like a little ears to the ground kind of deal. And you glean that at some point, Steven Zagall helped this guy's mother out of some sort of cop jam. Out of her dress. Oh, you think Gino's this guy's father?

Yes, I do. The dog is important because this movie forgets about the dog for hours on end. And Steven Zagal, this character, or Gino, does. This guy's car has to smell like piss and shit. Like this dog, it's a puppy. It's a tiny puppy. Probably feral, you know what I mean? Like, not trained at all. It is shit and pissing all

over this dude's car. There's a moment where he goes to the grocers and buys food and then never gives it to him. And then later in the film tells the dog, we're going to have to give you some food and maybe get you a girlfriend. So it's sort of this like a Clint Eastwood Clyde thing where he's trying to get this

animal laid possible. Or Jerry Lee. You're talking about getting another dog laid. Oh, hey, Jerry Lee, you're big, your big red rocket boy. You know what? He saw, I think K.N. has like 88, 89. He probably sat in the theater. I can't believe that Jim Belushi's getting all those laughs. I don't care what movie I'm in.

I'm going to get a dog. And I'm going to get those laughs. Yeah, I could get a dog laid. He could get a dog laid. I could get a dog laid. Yeah, I know this is an Italian mob drama, but I'm going to have a dog in this one. Spoiler alert, he didn't get the dog laid. I know.

It's too bad. Are those people laughing? Are they laughing at it? They're laughing at it. It's in the Lushie movie. I cannot believe it. There's a great, like, so after he gets the, the six pack of Seltzer and just keeps driving off,

he drives by some working girls there, and the sex worker just yells out, what a fuck? Dude, and then he pulls up to these homeless guys, and he's like, do you hear what she said? Yeah, what did she say? And he's just like, he, he drives you.

It was weird to hear Stephen Seagal laugh. I don't think I've ever heard it before. It's unsettling. He laughs like twice in this movie It's weird Very strange Thought he was having a stroke You know in this movie

I'm gonna branch out as an actor I might even laugh Well that's and that he's like It's not like it's an obvious joke It's like they say want to fuck He's like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah like I never pay for it That's a joke

That's what sex workers said Do you want a fuck? I mean like literally it's a question You want a burger Yeah but you know usually it's like You want a day You want a good time You can't just be yellow

You want to fucking exchange for money. Guys, now I'm just thinking about a fuck burger. It's been manifested to my mind by Steve. Want to fuck? Want a burger? Absolutely. There's a fuck burger in Sunset Park actually. Because we are in Sunset Park at this point. I was like, ooh, that's right near fuck burger.

Welcome to fuck burger. Give it to me hard. And by that I mean money for a hamburger. No, we can't tell you how we make our special sauce. Okay, that's Backwalls A double bacon Okay

Y'all get the fish sandwich You know Yeah, let me get a All right Let me get the Let me get the Biggie Cheeseburger Doggy style Yeah, we want a missionary

Patty Milt please Missionary Can I get the donkey The donkey punch sauce on the side Please Oh yeah I know the The cow girl

comes with the the barbecue sauce, but does the reverse cowgirl also? Oh, does. Oh, good. So yeah, I like the chicken sandwich combo.

If you could add cheddar cheese and you get that 69 style for me, that'd be fantastic. I'm just so glad, you know, I just got to tell you,

I'm so glad that you didn't lower yourself to do a dirty sancho. The rest of the menu's fine. I'm so glad you didn't go that far. Oh, and a syphilis shake.

Thanks. And a special promotion this one that Fuckburger say shoot it into my mouth and they'll spray extra sauce into your mouth. Welcome to Fuck Berther, the only fast food chain where kids definitely aren't allowed. Finally, an adult's only

cheeseburger. Thank you. For the vegetarians, gonorrhea greens. How about that? Just a nice plate of greens. Oh, so he's driving past Fuckburger here and he sees Richie trying to recruit these dudes and there's he like jams the car around he starts chasing whatever there's a great

seagal yelling get the fuck out of the way it's kind of like um you know like dudes you know migrant workers working outside of home depot there's like just mafia dudes just hanging out under the overpass like yeah uh i need i need two guys for a hit today i'm sorry just two i don't need anymore get the fuck away from the truck get the fuck away from the drunk So I'm driving like a maniac chasing these dudes And this is where you're like, uh, that fucking puppy is in the car Yes. The puppy is in the car also.

So he goes into the underpass and it's like every They're going like under a subway. So each time there's like an up and down on the fucking sidewalk. Yeah. They must, every time they cut back to this thing, it must have been a new car. Because this car cannot take this kind of shit. It was like no way.

It was flying off every shot. It'd be cool. Every, yeah, every shot. it's just like he's commandeered a new vehicle. Well, because otherwise, the way this thing's bouncing, dude, when he gets to his destination, it's going to be like the Blues Mobile. It's just going to burst into a bunch of pieces and fall apart. Oh, no, I'm going to lose my next fight because I have horrible neck pain because I really fucked up my back.

Oh, my dog is dead. The second he gets this dog, I am waiting, we, the audience, I think, are waiting for him to put this dog at a safe location. You know what I mean? Yeah. He goes to the wife. He goes to the, the, the, the. cops. Just give this dog a good place.

I'll be home. I'll be back later for him. I was expecting the dog to eat someone's neck out or something. Also possible, yeah. Bites some necks. Yeah. Eat his neck out. Come on,

garage, yo. Eat that neck. Richie has this good line here. Like, oh, we haven't lost him. Let's take him for some pork chops. And that means to the crooked butcher shop. Dude,

crooked mafia butcher. Fuck yes. Yes. This is actually, this is a great sequence. When Gino walks in, there's this cleaver attack. He dodges it.

slams into this own, this guy's own leg, and then takes it out and cuts this other dude's hand, like almost in half. That dude is losing that hand. It's gone. Later on, he's just like, it's kind of like a, well, we all beat, you got me good, I got you good, like, no, this dude is losing

that hand. Yeah, yeah, he's not playing guitar no more. That's true. I think a lot, I mean, we brought it up last time we were talking about replicant. I, you have, none of these wrists are surviving. Everybody's wrists is gone. There's no way you can use it after. It's all liquid.

One dude looks like Super Mario with a Mets hat on. That's kind of fun in this scene. Oh, hell yeah. A big curly mustache. I love that. Does he get the guy with the Mets hat with the baseball bat? Because he is bludgeoning one dude with a baseball bat, which is awesome. I think there's even he had some, doesn't he hit a guy with a salami at some point as well? Yep, he is. Yep. He's using food as a weapon much like a ninja turtle. This is a great way to end white guy karate with Italian guy karate, even though it's stolen valor. it was not Italian, but, you know, the character is. So the mafia's all pissed off because as they see it,

Forsyth is giving the mafia bad, they literally use the word publicity, which is very funny. We got Segal going to the bodega. Yeah, this is where he's like looking for the dog food. He's got this lot, I don't know, what the fuck was this ripped from the headline shit where he's like, I don't want none of this radioactive dog food from New Jersey. It's like, is that just like a general jersey slagher? I think so.

Yeah, just a standard like, oh, Jersey man, Newark, yuck. you know Yeah. Welcome to Fuck burger. Would you like to eat it here or eat it out? I'll eat it out.

I'll eat it out. Yeah, I'll eat it very good. Could you shoot it all over me and then I can eat that? You know, I'll lick it up, a laugh at a.

Yeah. A facial roll, if you will. Yeah. You got the footlong weaners, don't you? Yeah, let me get the Bukaki pack. I got a lot of kids back there.

Yeah, Everybody's going to want a burger. Bukaki fries. Everyone's going to want a burger. You get a Bukaki style. It's going to be the two extra large snowballing shakes for sure. A Cleveland steamer. So we get to, this is one of the major sets.

We're coming back to this place an awful lot. The Americana Pool Hall. We have here. And this is a mafia hideout run by Ritchie's brother, who is one of the biggest. in cinematic mafia displays or portrayals rather. This dude's a total coward. Is he Christopher's friend from the Sopranos?

Yes, he's Brendan from the early first season of Sopranos. He actually had a pretty good turn. I mean, he's a New York actor and a bunch of stuff. He's pretty good in a guide to recognizing your saints. Oh, yeah. Wait, what's this guy's name? I have it right in front of me and I can't see it. Anthony DeSando.

Anthony Descando. I was surprised that he's in this movie because he seems young in this movie just later on. I guess he's just, yeah, 65. Because he's supposed to be as young as Imperiali, I think, and he was probably younger. Oh, he's apparently in Beer League as well. Ooh. That checks out.

Yeah. I think because Beer League's got a couple of Sopranos guys in it, I think. Because it's all just Jersey dudes. And yeah, he's his brother that runs this crooked foolhole. And then Sigal's doing the, anybody knows you got to let me know. Come on. Yeah. Whose hot dog is this?

which is a great line. You know these are bad for you. They got nitrates. But so at this point anyway, it's like, oh, I want to call. He says, give me a call if Richie ever shows up, right? Give me a call. Richie if he shows up, shows his face around here. Because then he goes to the parents.

And this speaking of Sopranos. Oh, my God. Dominic Giannese here. I don't recall seeing him this young as Mr. Madonna, Richie's father. Uncle June, who is also in law and order, very young, well. I mean, this, I mean, it is, it's kind of a shock, but I do love that the mother is just like, Gene, though, don't hurt my kid just because he's a serial killer.

Yeah. He does not do that. He's just a cracked out a serial killer. I believe Dominic Cheneyze is in the Godfather part two, and he still has white hair. So this guy is old forever. That's awesome. But yeah, so he's, you know, Seagal is making the case. He's like, Bobby's children. Watch, but you kill their father.

You know, and he's like, Cheney's got a great line here. He goes, how can I help keep you from killing my son? Like, he really turns on me. I think I found him to be incredibly sympathetic. Sure. Later on when fucking Sagan like arrests these guys to keep them safe or whatever he's pleading in that moment. He does some really good acting in this movie. I was expecting him to punch this old man of the balls at some point.

Oh, that'd be honest. Your old man with your old balls. Get him out tough old balls. Oh, because we do know he likes seeing old men suffer from, uh, what's, uh, on dangerous ground. Yes, on the ground. Oh, right. Yeah. He certainly likes it.

But I think at this movie, he's just like, oh, so you're going to hide your son? He killed Bobby Lupo. I'm going to put you in the balls, old man. Listen, listen. Listen to me right now, Gino. I repaired Subways for 50 years. I've wasted my life. Please do not kill my only son.

Please. Oh, well, I guess I have two of them. But the other ones are loser. They're both. They're both. loser. So, you know,

Sigal says, look, the only way I'm not gonna fucking kill him is if he turns himself in. That's, that's it.

And there's a lot of backstory here. Because again, I think this is probably a better screenplay than it is a movie. Oh, he was like,

when his father died, this guy was like a second father to him and all this stuff. And like, because that's the weird thing. It's like, I kind of need a scene

with Foresight and Sigal almost as friends at the beginning of this movie where you know what I mean just give me something how about this how about this okay they're playing stick ball and it's 1950 whatever you got low kid bodies and you superimposed

foresight's head on one and so yeah just just use footage from sleepers and just yeah and then Mitch and Max there mix and match so Richie goes to harass this character Rika played by Juliana Margulies in her first ever on screen role here

so she's a former sex worker slash user and Forsyce like give it her shit about like getting clean and getting off the streets and she's like well I got this this was interesting I got a job at the video store I was like that kind of rocks actually good for you Julianna Magdalese You know I'm not going to be like

you know use drugs I'm going to be the hot chicken of the video store it's going to be really cool That's the dirty video store The dirty video store One with all the beads everywhere right Saloon door, right? Saloon door you got.

It's kind of interesting to watch Forsyth do. I mean, I'd have to go through his whole career, which is insane. Yeah. But I feel like he never plays New York a lot. Like, the only other time I could, I can remember is when he's in Boardwalk Empire for a while as a terrifying Jewish deli guy that murders people, which is awesome. Oh, shit. I think that's the first season. But yeah, I just, I just, he's always doing like the he-ha accent.

You've got your bad Michael Myers. Hey, Mikey. what the fuck, you know, like that stuff. That shit, yeah. Raising Arizona too. Raising Arizona, yeah. He's more of a he-ha guy for sure. I think so much so that like,

I didn't learn that he was from Brooklyn until reading the trivia for this movie. Is flat-topped from Dick Tracy from Brooklyn? Maybe. Well, he's certainly talking like it. It definitely, he definitely has a bit of a New York accent in The Rock. Yes, it's true.

When he's talking with John, don't you want to leave with a little lead left on your pencil? Yeah. he's got a great line here to Juliana Marguerlees because he's like, come on, let's smoke some light bulb. She's like, no, I don't want to do that.

And he goes, just say no. What are you, Nancy fucking Raybush? Okay. Cool, dude. And his friends are just like, so he said just one night, when is this going to end? You know, like I wanted to, I was going to see my girlfriend later.

Like, this is kind of running long? I know that that huge bag of cash is pretty, tempting, but this night totally blows. Well, also, like, you got, if you're the, when he goes in there to have sex with Julianna Margulies or whatever, you got to be like, I think he's trying to kill himself. I think literally, if we killed him right now, we could just take all that money. Yeah. Yep. If they had the balls to do it. Yes. Yeah, I guess they're like fear of retribution from the rest of the mafia, but honestly, I feel like the rest of the mafia would be like, all right, fine. How do you take a shot at the devil?

What if you miss? quoting the devil. Yeah, that's good. So Gino shows up at the pool hall here looking for foresight and he's like, oh, well, well, well, little Vinny. You was still sucking your thumb when your brother was going around sucking dicks.

What a lie. I also love the line. Richie owns this place and sells drugs because he's a fucking puke. Oh, yeah. Your brother's a pussy fucking asshole. It's a chicken shit fucking pussy asshole, I think is the power.

Oh, is a chicken shit pussy fucking asshole? It's a bit of a roller coaster there. And it's a pool hall full of honest to goodness gumbas left and right. And then there's the undertaker guy who will get to. And you're like, all right, that guy's a stunt man. And then there's this Asian guy like just holding a pool queue. Like, well, that guy's a stunt man. Yes, exactly.

His name is sticks in the movie, by the way. So he's trash in the bar. And I love the part where he's just like, oh, what's this? A lot of boxing memorabilia. Who's the boxer? You boxing? Yeah. He's a boxer?

Oh, you're a tough guy? You're a boxer? It's so awesome. because this old fucking bartender is just like, yeah, I'm a boxer. Oh, you think you could take me? I don't know. And he just, he fucking decks this dude, man.

Come on. Well, the guy who gave him shit in the deli earlier was, this character named Sammy who is now being like, anybody who could hit this piece of shit, I'll give him a thousand dollars. Oh, yeah, 5K to steal is bad. Yes. This is Gianni Russo of the godfather Carlo from the first godfather

film. Oh, the brother-in-law? Yes. Yeah. Oh, shit. I didn't even recognize him. Got an Italian-American royalty here. Uh, whose hot dog is this, huh? That is fucking great. Oh, man. There's a big, fat bookie in the middle of the fucking place. Did you read

did you read the thing about that guy? No, I did not. So, apparently in, so in the scene, when Segal's laying waist to these dudes, uh, whatever, like later in the movie, he doesn't fuck with that guy because

that guy was actually like the son of a maid dude and it was like you're not going to humiliate my big fat little son so he just sits in a chair the whole scene much like Trump Seagal is very well known as being very involved with the mafia off screen

he's got quite some connections it turns out but I love dude Seagal's kicking ass right here he puts a pool ball in like a rag and is whipping dudes with it motherfucker you knock my teeth Teethout. The Undertaker guy who rules.

This guy spits like 40 teeth out. It's amazing. There's more teeth than there should be. Check that guy out. It's happening. Dude, it looks like he spit down sunflower seed shells. At the end of the mirror, well, what the fuck are you going to do him?

I need him to go like full on. Come on. Cuddy. It's him like the abominable snowman at the end of Rudolph. I wouldn't care, but those were the last three left. Then he has to fight sticks, which he, takes down with also sticks. What an appropriate nickname for this guy who fights exclusively with pool cues.

It's a pretty cool pool cue fight. They're going real fast at each other. Tell your brother, I'm going to cut off his head and piss down his throat. Which is what somebody actually said to him off screen. There was a bunch of guys who wanted because he was notorious for fucking with people. And some guy literally told him like, I'm going to rip your head off and shit down your throat if you keep doing this to me. and like, it's notorious for doing this, using things that happen outside in the real movie.

And we should also talk about the incident that allegedly occurred with the chokeout. I'm saying it's happened. I'm very comfortable. I 100% believe the story. I don't believe it at all. Of course. Jane LaBelle says that he,

who is this guy for people who don't know? He's a stunt coordinator. He's a big, he's a fighter. I think he was, Segal's Ikido guy and I think he was also in that for the most part. Allegedly.

All of this is all this is true say. We can't prove anything. Eric's like allegedly this guy was a human being born on planet Earth. I've never met him so I can't confirm that even happened. Seagal said he was immune

from chokeholds. Oh right. Which is a ridiculous, to begin with. But then Gene LaBelle comes up to him gives him a choke and as he's giving him the chokehold, he shits his pants. He talks about cold with the chokehold

and he pisses and shits himself. That's just wonderful. I fully believe it because that's like it's like the story of Mr. Belvedere sitting on his own balls. Like it's too ridiculous to have not happened. Now that, that did happen. When Gene LaBelle was asked about it, like you could tell it because they were like,

hey, did that happen? And he just does everything not to say yet. He's just like, look, Seagal's a little bit of a blowhard. He does it. Did you make him shit his pants? Look, there's a lot of people say a lot of things. He's just one of those guys who doesn't want to be

like, yeah, I made a guy shit his pants. Like, who would want to be that guy? Seagall ends this scene with a great line delivery. He goes, I'm going to keep coming back until someone dot, dot, dot, remember seeing Richie. And he walks out. It's fucking great.

My favorite thing with the white ball, though, is before he even does anything with that thing, He's bouncing the white ball. Yes. Yes. Bouncing this cue ball. Can't do that. Bounce?

I don't think it's possible. They don't. He's that tough guys. He's that break. It would just break. Yeah. It was a shatter. Well, he's just that tough that and he can wheel it back up.

Yeah. Reconstituted into an existence or it was a bouncy ball on set. Oh, wow. Probably what they're used to film. Yeah, I got the reality stone in my pocket. I can make this. I can make a cue ball bounce. we get uh this is this is one of the clear examples of like seagall and his terrible editing instincts

just ripping this movie spreads there's a montage here that starts with cops just busting up some strip club busting all these people then it's like seagal talking to jerry arbach sagal talking to the mafia again you hear nothing about what they're saying actually can i can i get back could you hey man could you just like take this stupid song off for a minute well because then there's another one right here that's a clearly scenes deleted He goes and steals a bunch of drugs from John Leguizamo. Yes, Forsyth does. Yeah, the kid in the alley gets robbed by William Forsyth.

He takes a big bag of crack and it's fucking John Leguizamo is the drug dealer. I was like there's no way that he didn't have more lines in this movie or any lines. It looks like he was about to kill him to. And I'm pretty sure like in the morning Forsyth was like, how much crack do I have? We got like three days. That's enough. That'll get me through this crazy night. And then like crack does.

it just goes so quick. You know what I mean? And then by like 930, you're like, shit, I got to go on another crack run. I had no idea. After this rock and the next rock, we only got run rock left. I mean. And then everyone, like, he's like going to his buddies. Oh, you know, you guys.

I didn't have any. He's been having all. He's smoking all the crap. You can't just get, you can't get enough from my experience. Exactly. Exactly. But yeah, this is absolutely just a mess in the middle of the movie. Of movie that I want.

I want that John Liguizamo has seen. I want more Jerry Orbach, so that's for sure. There's some line with some mobster, like why are you guys busting up my balls all over town, hurting my businesses or whatever. And then we have Gino going to the Don again, right, and telling him to fuck himself. This is where he's like, yeah, fuck you, you piece of shit.

I never respected you. If you fell off a cliff, I'd laugh or whatever. I love the fucking, like, and the Don's like, I know you don't mean any of that. It's okay. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And then, well, what's so funny is, he's like, he basically tells him to go fuck himself and then he leaves.

And this is, he brings the number two out here. And he tells this story about his uncle who was in the mafia. And it was this whole thing. There was a guy in the trunk of his. Uncle Pino. Yeah. And it's like, oh, he was beating somebody outside of a candy store and he stuffed him in the trunk while they went to the movies and all this shit. And like, you expect the story to end with.

with him being like, and that's when I realized I wanted to be a cop. But that never happened? No. It goes nowhere. It's sort of like wanting to be a cop because it ends up being a power fantasy type of thing because he says like, we watch the movie. I'm thinking about the guy in the trunk the whole time. We opened the trunk after the movie and my uncle tells me like I guess we could

do whatever and he tells him to get out of there and the guy runs like a bolt of lightning or whatever and he wanted to be a wise guy in that moment because of the power fantasy Which again and then like But then I realized I didn't want to do that Because of other reasons Like you know what I mean

There has to be like one or two more sentences To that story Yeah I make it You know what I mean And then the guy came back And he cracked Uncle Pino's brains All over the pavement And then I said

Oh we gotta clean up this down Exactly There's gotta be something Where he learned Turned yeah Yeah yeah Well no just Do you remember the candy store though

Oh Mattiamos Oh Maron the milk duds Oh my God But even to do like I actually speaking Old Italian candy stores Did you guys have these Candy cigarettes when you were a kid?

Yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah The gum The shitty gum The Lucios had those I would love that Dude I was on like five packs a day

Oh really? Yeah no they said I had candy lung I had to cut back I'm sorry Sugar lung yeah Yeah there was a little There was a tiny ass little candy store Chris in your town

as a matter of fact. And in Waterloo League. And it was like owned by this old timer man. And you'd go in and it was like straight up like penny candy. Like it was crazy. Like it was a real last vestige of that kind of shit. And also I want to be clear for the younger people who are listening.

Candy cigarette is a sick. It looks like a cigarette. It's wrapped in paper. But it's a stick of like I guess bubble gum that is shaped like a cigarette. The worst gum you'd sell it to children. Right. And they had like, it had like gum dust on. monitors.

You could like, you could like puff it and a little like poop would kind of like come out of it. And it came in like a full pack and it looked like cigarettes and it was very cool. I'm like mommy and daddy. There was a little cartoon black lung on the side of it. There were cigars too,

but I forget what exactly was in them. I don't know what they were. Oh, that was crack cocaine. Oh, wonderful. Right out there. That's great. I just want at the end of that candy story to be like, even like, and you know

whatever number two guy like, I said I would never screw with the mafia because you guys always Fleck family to me and I wanted to best up everybody else. But this Richie thing's got me going sideways. It's like something that just lands the plane as to where this guy's allegiances are, even a little bit. Make him a corrupt cop or something. Maybe he turns against the mob in this movie because of the incident.

You never let me have any gummy dinosaurs. That's all I ever wanted was some gummy dinosaurs. But it's as it is, though, The scene just ends with him going, well, God has a strange sense of humor. End scene. Okay. Way to edit, Steven Segal. Now I'm going to go mess with Gina Gershaw.

Well, first he's got to go mess with this dude in a wheelchair. Oh, I forgot. The chop shop really quickly. Richard goes, yeah, sorry, Richie goes, we see him like harassing this dude and you're like, oh, what's he getting up to there? But yes, Gino goes to this club. Tell her I'm here and then get the fuck out of my sight, all right? Yes.

He fucking says to the door man. Oh. But yes, the chop shop thing again, if you're his buddies, you're like, this is not a fun night. Like, we're just in a shop shop office. It's not even like a strip club or something. Like, this sucks. But it's amazing how menacing he is.

Like, what you're saying, like, the dread is in all of this too. Like, there's this. I'm kind of shocked how, like, effective he was. I mean, I know, of course, that's very good. But, like, it's shocking that even in these small scenes, you're just like, you have to imagine. because Sagan wanted him cut down so much. It had to be partially because he's like,

I wish I was doing that. Oh, yeah. Why can't I be raping a little bit? Why can't I just be bullying people around? What, come on? Oh, I thought you meant he was just, I wish I could be an actor. That too.

That too, but I think the other stuff is well. Chris, what you're getting at. Allegedly, he did this in real life, right? Like human trafficking. Oh, sure. Basement of horror, allegedly. Quite, quite a lot. Honestly, it sounds like the stuff

fiction. I don't know. It sounds like someone of the wild imagination wrote all these court documents. I don't do this often. There is a really good two part dollop on Sagall. Really worth listening too. They get quite a lot out of there.

Oh yeah. And now let them, now they get to say, listen to us now. Yeah, now you do that. I'm sure they will. So yeah, this waitress stops over and gives them a drink and the napkin under the drink just has a note that says Roxanne. on it so we get a little mystery here.

Oh, that's a good movie. Yeah, that's, oh yeah. Steve, Steve Martin, hilarious. I love that. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm part of the police. Yes, yes, no, I know. I understand what, what? What's happening? You don't have to turn on the red light. But yeah, this club restaurant that he goes to your own by Gina Gershon as Patty Madonna. She's the sister of Richie here and

he's asking around or whatever. He asks about the waitress here, like which which one are you talking about? She says, He goes, the one with nipples you could dial a phone with. Okay. Amazing. Yes. What does that mean? Yeah.

You can't see your nipples. What is he talking about? Long nipples. I'm glad you said that because there is quite a lot here that is just like, what do you, what do you mean? What do I think dial a phone with it? Because they're hard. It's a rotary, like a rotary. I see.

But wait, is it a rotary phone? All right. All right, you know what, Stevens and Gall, you should have specified which fucking phone style you can dial with the titties, all right? You can still press the buttons with the teeth. I don't get what you're talking about. What the fuck? Yeah, because if the nipples weren't hard, you'd push every button. You'd want a firm nipple to be able to push the exact button you'd want.

Or else you're not dial the right number and it's a fucking mess. Well, like, it's just like that last night. We were just talking about like, God's a puppeteer. Eh, eh, eh. God has a strange sense of humor. It can be both. What are you talking about? Sure.

you know, there's some great humor in here too, right? Because he's like, oh, you know, Richie's always with a different whore. Who's his latest special? And then Geneerger-Gershan says, since when does a sister keep track of her brother's pumps? Yes. Oh, dude, great line. Fair points we're talking about here.

But no, Eric, you undersold it because he did dialogue training. So he says, hoo-a. He's with a different hoo-a every week. There's a hoo-a. Took him a coach in 10 weeks to get to that. Yeah. And finally, the guy just said, close enough and quit his job.

He brings her in because he's he starts just going through a desk. Well, the weird thing is like, isn't it clear when at one point is it clear to you that he's not doing this with his family. He's on a crazy crack binge. And he's just bothering this dude's family the entire time. Like, I don't know.

I wasn't part of this. What are you talking about? Well, but like he's got to at least find out. Like if, you know, she's seen him to which she does say like the last time I saw him was like a couple days ago or something like that. There's some line. Who is the Patty? Oh, Patty's Jeannie Grishon's character.

He's got some line about how she was never good at fucking sucking dick or something. She says, I'm going to arrest you because of this unlicensed gun or whatever. Oh, right. And then she's like, oh, what are you trying to get like a blowjob in the corner kind of thing? And he's like, you never good. You wouldn't have that good at that type of thing. Oh, right, right, right, right. Do everybody hear that?

Ha ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Hey, also, subsequent question, Patty. How long could a tiny? dog surviving a little car, you think. I didn't leave the window open and nothing. Especially if

that dog was rattled around in that car like a paint can in one of those Home Depot mixers. He's been in there three hours now and it's 95 degrees. I actually just went out to the car. Do you have a place I could dump something? You got a black garbage bag. Well, you know, I could just put it back

on the highway, you know? Easy come, easy go. Good thing I kept that bodega receipt with all the food I bought for this dog that I never gave it. What he does call puppy dog food. You got puppy dog food? You got puppy dog food? It's only puppy dog food I want. Not regular dog food, puppy dog food. Little wants.

Steven Seagall's puppy dog food for time for guys. It's kibble, but tough. We cut back to the foresight at the chop shop here. And then this is, did you catch this? The assistant Hector here, played by Raymond Cruz. Oh, yeah. Yes, for like 14 seconds. For 14 seconds.

and this guy's like, oh yeah, go get him. Like, they got to get him a new car is the situation here. He's like, I need a new wheels or whatever. Here he's at the station. Just take the dog and give it to someone and be like, I will be back to get the dog later. No. No.

Shake, rattle and roe. The dog shakes, rattles and roe. But so Richie's asking this guy in the wheelchair in the scene that cuts to where he's like, he's asking him about getting laid. and this guy just has to go, you know, I haven't had any tale since 1969, right? And it's like, yeah, this dude's

dick doesn't work in this wheelchair is the idea and Forced Life is like laughing at him. Yeah, no, go around all time. Real tough here. And like, this guy's made to feel pretty shitty here. And so Segal arrests Patty in this moment. Oh, that's right. Takes her to jail. You know, we learned that she used to be a prostitute

head for $10, apparently. Which she doesn't agree with. She tries to tell Steven Seagal. She says, like, fuck you, or whatever, as in like it was higher than that, I guess. I'm not arresting you for sucking dick crimes. I'm arresting you. Brothers crimes. And yes, we will check the inflation on that $10.

Thank you, please. Probably crazy. Yeah, I mean, I hope, you know, it's got to be worth a little more. When did this come out? 93. 91. 91, okay. Let's go to 1990.

She probably wasn't doing it that reason. Yeah, that's good point. Good point. Oh, 25 bucks, basically. Yeah. For John, you can get more. for that. Oh, wait more.

Come on. Yeah. She was in Thanksgiving for crying out loud. She was in Thanksgiving. $25 and a nice tip. How about that? By the way, Forsyth,

his nickname for this guy, the chair. Well, because he's in a wheelchair in the chair. Oh. Get it? Yeah. I couldn't believe you couldn't get that.

You didn't get that. This guy's a genius. There's, he goes to, Segal goes to Bobby Lupo's desk. Oh, I should just say really quickly, Richie just shoots that dude

in the wheelchair. Because the cops come and they're gonna get everybody and he just says, I'll put you out of your misery and shoots him in the right. He claims that he ratted him out.

Yes. Yeah. He's been making this dude just sit in a wooden chair while he cracked out rides around in this guy's wheelchair. Oh man. If I would have been his crew,

I'm like, this is really uncomfortable. He also said we were going to order pizza and he is not. I just have not seen him pick up the phone. Also, I mean, guys, do you hear how many times to use the F word? No, no, no, no. not the fun one, the other one. It's just, it's not right. Not for the times, man. Come on.

We got to be better. No pizza. He's smoking all the crack. This deal gets worse all the time. Oh, thank you. Uh, so yeah, he's looking through Bobby Lupo's desk, right? He finds the rest of the this guy is just leaving pictures of me having, him having sex with all these women that are not his wife just at his work desk. Well, you need some work desk pornography, dude. How are you going to get through the week? That's a good point. Yeah. Being a cop is a hard job. Especially when you don't have like candy crush to like kill the time. That's that's really rough when you don't have some video games on your phone to play. But yeah, porno polaroids, cash and more drugs, by the way.

So he realizes he is indeed dirty. Here comes Dominic Chinese again. One more like nice scene of just like, you know, at this point I'm afraid of my son. I'm afraid what he's going to do to me and my wife, you know, that kind of thing. It is a wild line that I think he hits out of the park, a total grand slam. No father wants to admit that his son has become something the world could do without. Yes. Fuck, dude, that's awesome.

This definitely is better script than movie. Fuck you, Steven Seagall. Uh-huh. But also, there is a nice Seagall, like, apologizes to him. He's like, sorry for being so disrespectful in your house. That's not like me. This is where you get all the, you know, you were good to me, and I'm spitting in your face, whatever. I'm still spit in your face.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to spit on it and kill your son. The old man kind of admits that maybe that's the best course of action here. Like no man wants to bury his son or admit he's someone in the world can do without. But I'm very afraid and I pray for this to end. Can I just do me one favor because we're so close to each other and I raised you as a second. Could you not stick a corkscrew in his head at a curious thing? The one thing we would like to be able to present him in an open casket as is our way.

and if he has a corkscrew sticking out of there, it's going to be real bad. It would be fantastic if you did not execute my son like the Hollywood serial killer Jason Vorees. It would be fantastic. Look, I might have to set it on fire. I might have to set his face on fire. I'm sorry, Mr. Dom Nick Chinning.

But Patty in this moment is like, look, there's nothing that we can do or say. Like, he's just out of his fucking mind on crack. Like, that's the end of it. And Seagal's like, all right. So you and your parents will just, stay the night in jail so nothing happens to you. And this is a great, you can hate me tomorrow.

This is where we get him talking to the dog about like, you need a nice hot bath, some food, maybe a girlfriend or something. And then he doesn't do any of that stuff. He doesn't feed the dog. He goes back to the car and like, oh man, I forgot about you. And I'm like, yeah, the whole movie did. Totally. Do not me though.

I'm sitting there like, where's this pooch, man? Oh man, we got to get you off, brother. make sure I got because I'm going to jerk off right here right out real quick got to get the poison out no too far from fuckburger I'm going to have to squeeze one out myself they let you do it in the bathroom uh yeah hi it's me uh todd the manager of fuck burger yeah no children definitely no animals in here either these are two things it is adults only here at falksburger okay i saw you trying to come in with a chicken last week ray that's not going to fly here at fuck No, and yeah, we do, we do ask that you have an ID just when you ask for the side of dip and come.

You're not, no, no deal on Beastie, nothing like that anymore. No deal on Beastie. We also have Smashburgers, which are just Smashburgers. Do you still have, let me ask you a question. Do you still have Marilyn Manson's Mick Rib because he took one out to suck his own bit? No, that's only in March, sir. It's a special item I'll see you there for the shamrock fuck too

Fuck dude we're coming up On shamrock shake time by the way Just putting that out there So while he's talking to the dog and whatever We also see at the same time Forsyth Has a police scanner going on And they patched the wife in asking Gino to come home So now William Forsyth knows

Where Stephen Seagal's going to be And everything but this is yeah He goes up to the ex-wife this is Garagio, blah, blah, blah. And this isn't great, you want to come up for an espresso? Uh-huh. And you know who else wants to come up for an espresso in this moment? Boomy the boom, Mike.

Dude, you got the shadow of Boomy looming on the side of the house right here when they go up for espresso. Boomy knows, you know, this late at night, espresso's not espresso, espresso's sex. Yes. Also, I'm getting tired. I could use the caffeine from an espresso. Yeah, espresso's not tired. Espresso is your ex-husband is. your ex-husband is they tell you the sad story

about his father being a fucking knife sharpener whose skills were no longer needed by society. It is great how much of this movie he cuts to ribbons but these big monologues that he totally beefs. Those have to remain in the movie. Well, because if it's going to do anything, it's going to be a real, right? It's going to be like I could just show

what I'm good at. Here it is. Yeah, the fucking in-memorium real. My dad was a scissors sharpener. I don't know. Your dad should have learned another job. I don't know. Seriously.

door-to-door-door scissor scissors sharpening, the world has changed a little bit. Yes. When you feel like nobody needs you, you die inside.

But guys invade the house here, right? That's pretty cool. Yes, it's a pretty good fight. This goon attack on the apartment. Hell yeah.

I love this, right? He's shooting these guys up and just destroying this home. And I got to tell you, what was awesome is so this is where I picked up the movie. I rewatch this

over the summer. It was after our Oxford residency, Chelsea and I think it was when we were in Dublin and because we'd been like doing so much stuff and everything like with the with the residency and then just doing vacation or whatever I like hadn't watched a movie in like over a week and I was really like getting you know the jitters a little bit and so it was like okay now we're just going to do some hotel TV and I settled on a movie channel and I was like oh fuck this is out for justice like I recognized it immediately and just my return to movies

just being this scene of shooting up the apartment. I never saw this. This is my first time through, which is shock. Is that right? That is pretty surprising. Somehow missed it. I don't know how. I think this is one of the first ones for me for sure. I think I was under siege this. And under siege, too. I was a late taking to it.

I do like that we go, isn't right here where we go to, he goes to see his ex-wife and we're talking reconciliation over here. Yeah, yeah, no, that's the scene. He does all the stuff about the father's shitty knife business. And you can tell they are like kind of maybe this divorce isn't going to stick kind of deal. And this is also where he decides to murder someone in cold blood because one of these goons that shoots up the place decides to give up. You're not going to shoot an unarmed man, Gino. Nah, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

And he throws him off a fire escape. It's pretty good for the other. I love a good dude falling to his death. This is a pretty good one. He's also got a great line yelling at the wife. get down in the bathtub but yeah then you see

it's the report afterwards it's I think it's Forsyth listening again and you just hear the radio guy go yeah it's all Richie Madano's crew yeah they're all deceased and then it's time for a big party let's have a party Richie wants you know

yeah yeah got to go back to he's back Julianne Marguerleys right or no this is we go back to the pool hall again? Oh, that's right. The pool hall. Yes, of course. To squeeze Richie's crew here. And he squeezes

Richie's broken fucking nose in this moment. Richie's brother's broken nodes, yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry, Jimmy. Yeah, I think it's Jimmy. Vinnie. Vinny? They're all. A lot of Italian names of juggle here. But he basically chickens out because he's,

dude, by the way, a guy with no teeth, the undertaker, ride or die with this crew. He is the last one. He wants to, he just wants to stick around, man. And it's so weird though because like this guy, I mean, he's not a gumba. No, exactly. He's not a wise guy.

He's like a biker guy. Yeah, he looks like fucking ogre from Revenge of the Nerds almost. You know what I mean? It's very undertaker-esque, like, which is always the awesome, like, how did you fall in with these guys? And how is it that these, you know, this kind of mafioso and whatnot, they're cool with your fucking biker ass hanging around. Well, yeah, you have none of them, all of them are like, uh, close crop. He has this huge fucking beard.

And that really, I think, is the difference. He almost kind of looks like Donald Duck Dunn from the Blues Brothers band. I can see that. But so Segal goes back to Gershon's place at this point. This is where he finds that waitress again, played by Terry Malloy. You know this girl here? You know this girl here? And then this is where we learn.

Her name was Roxanne Ford. And she was also having sex with Bobby. Yes. And whatever. So he's sort of uncovering that mystery while Forsyth gets to the, pool hall. And dude Forsyth slapping the shit out of his little brother right here. Oh my

God. I mean, it had to be done. I get it. I do understand, but it's still pretty brutal. Yeah. And then the mafia shows up and they're going to kill everybody and Vinny does cowardly leave. I don't think this is too cowardly. When your brother is on a death binge like this, it's like, you know what? I'm going to let

nature take its course. Like, I know you would be a total hero to the mafia though if you just fucking took him out. That's, yeah. And it would be like, wow, the bravery killed his own brother. You know, he must really be good at being in the mafia. That's, that is, that'll prove it.

Dedication. But there's a great, great moment here that I didn't notice the other times I've watched it. But so after all the, the fighting happens, Forsyth, you know, takes out Sal and all these other guys or whatever. They're going to leave. And Forsyth, it's a slow-mo shot of Forsyth, forcith, dropping a gun on the last. dude that he killed and it's slow-mo so much that when it hits the dude like it lands on the dude's belly

you see the ripples of this guy's fat gut as the gun falls on it pretty cool pretty cool wish we got a slow motion like Jurassic Park ripples yes but so Gino

gets the address to Roxanne's place he goes there whoops she's already been murdered she didn't put on the red light there's no red line she forgot the red light that's why she's dead. Oh, no. She's been dead.

And, like, this is what he pieces together, that this is what started at all. This was his first kill. Because he's, like, a genius detective, too. He goes, of course, sure. Yeah, I placed a time of death at, like, 8 a.m. this morning.

Oh, right? What the fuck are you talking about it? Before Bobby. Right. There's a weird line here, though, because, like, is Segal, like, covers her up with a blanket, whatever. When he goes to Orbach, he's like, you eat breakfast yet?

And he's like, yeah, I did. It was fantastic. and he goes, good, because it's a mess up there. And I was like, no, it would be good. He didn't eat breakfast because it's a mess up there. Now you're saying it's good. He's going to fucking vomit when he gets up there, you idiot. You never know when you're going to find Jerry Orbach's breakfast.

He'll be out there looking at you. Oh, no, no, it's going to be great. You're going to vomit everywhere. It's going to feel so good. You're going to get all that out of your tummy. You're just going to vomit everywhere. Actually, more than likely is it should have been, you breakfast?

Yeah. It should have been like, too bad. It's a mess up there. But he fucked up the line so much. John Flynn was like, sure, whatever. That's great. Fucking, it won't make sense, but I don't care that much anyway. Yeah, exactly.

Filed out under the same. They have a fat file. The one where the God's puppeteer line. You just have a, like, does it make sense on the outside? It's like, listen, Steve. No, another great fucking cut, Steve. Awesome. Oh, yeah.

He's got Jerry or box eggs. Oh. So Forsyth shows back up at Rikas again. And this is when the kid calls trying to get a hold of Gino to try to tell him, you know, hey, Forsyth's here, all that stuff. And then, yeah, this is Richie wanting to have the going away party. I'm going to hell tonight party. Absolutely.

Yep. So Gino, he goes over to Bobby's to see the widow at this point. This is he fucking like basically breaks this woman into admitting that like she was the one that set Bobby up and oh I didn't think he was going to get killed this that the other thing this intrigue is too much I know for this movie like and maybe

in the original script it was better or whatever but it's so whatever at this point I'm like could we just see somebody hit the nuts already? I'm sick of it I feel that we did more time with Bobby and his family before like that's how you earned this moment yeah I mean all of it like

the intrigue like exactly what you're talking about Steve like the script clearly would have paid off in If it was there, but it's just not, nothing's here. Look, I want more time with goddamn Richie. Like, I want to see this scene with Roxanne. If he was actually hurt that she was fucking around on him, there's something there. There might be something for him to play. I want him to go, you know, I want to see him go get fucking dinner at fuckburger.

Absolutely, yeah. Let me get a golden shower as well. It's a lemonade. Thank you. It's like lemonade. It's like lemonade, yeah. Could I get the old Bayburger? That's one that gives me crabs.

we'd like the glass table platter the or excuse me the glass table splatter oh were you saying poo poo poo platter is that what's going on? Yeah you were so yeah she just wanted to save the marriage and that is not what happened

her husband was executed in the street by telling a dangerous mobster that he's sleeping with his girlfriend exactly it's a great idea So Seagal telling this The Chicolino kid here He's like, get out of the neighborhood now

Okay I just just please Say the neighborhood Like some of this is shot in New York But then like they ran out of time And a bulk of it is actually shot in Los Angeles But at one point like we do mention He's driving around Sunset Park

But I don't know if this is where this is also supposed to be Like it's okay to use neighborhood names I'm falling all this under It was probably in the original script It's probably pretty Like everything here makes sense If it had given just a little bit more But it just they didn't want that

He didn't want that Well you know to them You know the production here like Hollywood types Brooklyn That's right yeah Exactly It's a neighborhood It does look like yes

They filmed in Sunset Park And also it looks like they filmed a bunch In Bensonhurst Which would make sense Okay yep Wikipedia said Dyker Heights was what this is supposed to take place I think that's where a lot like where he finds the dog because that Diker Heights is more like suburby kind of feeling.

Okay. And when he's driving, when he's driving and he finds the dog, that's kind of more like a suburb kind of feeling the street. You guys were saying a fuckburger menu item. So here we go. Dude, Jerry Orbach gave him the shotgun. He is going to show up at this party ready to rock and roll with this thing. And did you guys spy one of the party guests here?

Oh, I don't know. No. Speaking of the corks. grew killed. Jason Borees himself. Kane Hodder. Really? He's just one of these. He's the dude on the couch like with a babe and he's the first one I believe that

Seagal murders when he comes in here. Did we mention that Richie shoots a bunch of the mobsters at the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we're talking about when I said he drops the gun on the guy's got in slow motion. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. But also, yeah. But Kate Hodder finally get laid, you know. But for him. Unfortunately.

Yeah, he's shotgunned immediately. Dude, the one guy that gets shotgunned in the leg and the whole leg comes off. incredible. It's so good. He didn't even get to have his cream pies from Fuckburger. Well, because that's the guy that's been riding or dying with Richie the whole time. He's in like a jump, what do you call the windbreaker outfit?

And like, looking very appropriately like the mafia, by the way. And he's just like, you know what? He keeps thinking about that big storage cashier of money and then, oops. This dude shot my leg off like it's an anime. It's amazing. It's so, dude, I thought I was fucking accidentally put on Robocop. for a second. I was like, where is this coming from? Fantastic. But then this is, this is great. This is, uh, the Undertaker right here.

Steps up. Fuck you, cop. And this is Segal kicks him in the nuts so hard. Blood shoots out of his mouth and he falls down. And the reason I say he's dead is because he falls out and his eyes are wide open. Yeah. He's on the floor. On his way down, he does hit his head, but I do think it's the nut trauma that really murders him. Yes. I think so too. Because my feet are just that strong. that's so fucking good. His testicles explode like the fucking Death Star man. It's just the second that boot hits it.

Yeah, a special edition shockwave comes out of him. Yes. Let's blow this thing and go home. I do love Forsyth coming out of this bathroom and he's just got the gun to his own head. I'm all out of bullets because I'm fucking crazy. It's so good.

And then it's like, okay, good. You want to fight me, tough guy? I'm going to fuck. You know what? this woman's apartment which has been thoroughly decimated will now be even more thoroughly decimated. It's so fantastic. Can I piss on your security deposit real quick? The tossing, all the tossing and then the frying pan comes out. Oh my God.

I love it. It's so good. Apparently in Steven Segal fashion, he broke William Foresight's tooth in this fight. You know? By accident. No, man, it's cool. I just don't even, I can't imagine more loser. behavior than being the star of a movie, being in an action movie.

And like everybody is fake losing to you because that's the whole fucking point. And like not being respectful in that sense. You know what I mean? And just having to big dick even more. Allegedly. Allegedly. But every. Yeah.

It's a lot of alleges. There's a lot of alleges. I know he's probably, yeah. But you never know what these litigations. Well, what do you think? He's some fucking angelic cherub person? Well, I'm just saying you. catch more flies with honey.

It's true. He catches more fuck burgers with a net. That's what he does. Like, this is a fly I don't want to catch. It's fine. I don't need to catch that fly. I want to hit it with a fucking newspaper. Oh, come on.

Imagine he calls you tomorrow and he's like, Hey, I love the show. You guys are pretty fair and balanced. Wouldn't that be nice? Sure, it would be nice. It's not going to happen. I think he doesn't know how to dial the United States anymore. Yeah.

Okay, sir, it's one. do the one. Maybe it's zero one. You can figure it out. Ed Snowden knows how to dial out. Or Gerard Deerrere too. Get one of your friends who live with you who are definitely free

to dial a phone for you. Steven, I've shown you this so many different times how to do it. Also, are you using the VP? You better be using the VPN, Stephen. You better be using it. Mondur, he's definitely not dead. He is not using the VPN. Let me ask you this. What's a Skype?

What's that? Guys, Lauren Portriff's coming over again this weekend. Could you be nice to her? When we were filming risk, you were really mean. Yeah, well, she didn't want to have sex with me. If you're a new listener, Frenemies of the State was a concept we came up with, with Steven Seagull, Edward Snowden, and Gerard Depardue living together in Russia. That's right.

Which is a great premise. I still think we can get that maids Monday. I think we can get that made. probably animated, but we can do. Fine. So the big Forsyth fight just continues on until he grabs the corkscrew, and it's a great William Forsyth, I'm gonna kill you.

And he just jams this thing and he was fucking head like he's Crispin Glover in part four. It's great. The corks grot! Where's the carc squaw? Gino, where's the corkscraw? Right here, you fucking weirdo. The one mob guy shows up, Was it Frankie or something?

Yeah. He just takes his gun and shoots the body and it's just like, you could tell the boss what you did. Look at you. You're big man. Put him in a trunk. Exactly. Yeah.

Making it look like, you know, so now the mafia did it. It doesn't have to be any like, there was a cop involved in the killing. Like it's mafia bullets and whatever. What I hate more than anything, more than Bobby being shot is paperwork.

Because I mean like this is, again, in the movie that they are almost making, this is kind of cool. It's like, everybody wins because I do respect the mafia. Then why did I tell the mafia to go fuck itself?

Hold on, what? None of it makes sense. There's a way to make this make sense. How did I tell the mafia to go fuck itself and live to tell about it? My favorite thing is, in any other situation, I might just,

it's just like a director's choice or anything. I have to believe that these credits with Stephen Seagall behind it is like, they're going to be bored. They're going to be bored with all these,

the names and stuff. No, they gotta see me. It's got to see more of me. This movie does not earn the victory lap credits. But we're missing. Chris, we're not there yet. The most important scene in the movie. Thank you.

We're at Coney Island. Again, like, another thing that gets kind of lost is his son, which is like, that's an important thing in the beginning. Like, are we going to play Cache Dad? You would think if the parents reconcile, we're taking our little son to Coney Island, then that's big credits. No, but I got to fucking beat up a dog murder room. Yeah.

because he's a big tough guy and I'm a big tough guy than he They bring the fucking dog to Coney They don't bring the kid Exactly sorry kiddo But he's got the beret on He spots the Oldsmobile With the bumper sticker

Yo fuck nuts I was reading this book about screenwriting this If you set up something You have to pay it off So I'm paying off the bumper sticker You understand It's just such a magical thing That you would find in like

Like I said McGruber but you'd find this in like any comedy. It's a comedy kind of thing. The way this all, you know, you expect the music to get all kind of like silly right here. Like, oh, here's the license plate and the bumper sticker. Yeah. But he just fucking kicks this guy right in the nuts. Dialogue, though, is amazing.

You throw a puppy out of this car? Yeah, what's it? What's your business anyway? Just admitting. I just throw puppies. What? Oh, here we go. Bleeding hot liberal.

Heaven forbid I throw a puppy out of a moving car in a garbage. asshole, I'll stuff you in a plastic bag and toss you out of window. Oh, you're a tough guy. We get the tough guy stuff again. Yeah. Also, why did you park on the boardwalk? Great question. Yeah, totally.

Why is that car there? What the fuck are you doing, man? You could get him for that, arrest him for that. You arrested a bunch of people in this movie for literally nothing. Yeah. Kill him. You can kill him. But yes, he does, he kicks his balls into outer space.

He does. And then this guy just is on the floor, my balls. My balls. My balls. My balls. And then the dogs. pisses on his face. Yep.

It's as as close as pissing down your neck as you can get. You didn't cut it off. I get it. It's, you know,

that'd be a little too violent. But this is good. This is nice. Hey, fuck, Burger, what do you mean? I can't get a dog

to piss on my face in your steps. That used to be the number five. It was just called a hot dog. The hot dog is, yeah, we bring a, we bring a very virile dog out

and it pisses on your face. Do you still have those gang bangful Offerbites. You know what? I want to go to Wendy's. Yeah. Oh, it's great.

After the pissing, he turns to his now reconciled with wife. And he's like, oh, is that a police dog or what? Uh-huh. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Fucking stupid music starts playing. And then we get the Victory lap credits, which is just showing us random scenes from throughout the movie,

him like running across the street at the start. It feels like the movie restarts at the end of this. Nobody wants to see who made the movie. They want to see Stephen. Of course, Stephen. There is a, hold on one second. I'm going to pull it up. There is a song at the end of this film that is,

I'm out for justice. Well, it's like, it's a Greg Alman song, I think. Greg Alman, but, and I think this is the only time the producers were successful, it was written by Steven Seagal or co-written by Steven Seagal. Oh, shit. So I guarantee you there is a cut somewhere of Steven Seagal being like, I'm running around. I'm fighting people.

So it's not, maybe we get Glenn Allman to do this instead. Well, it's not from songs from the Crystal Cave. It's not from the record. Oh, the record, the record was got the Poonani song.

Yes, indeed. What? His reggae song. Oh, man. Oh, oh, Stephen. Oh, brother. You've got it.

Songs from the Crystal Cave. It's something else, brother. Punani. Oh, it's Don't stand in my way. Don't stand in my way. Yes, Greg Alman's singing this too. Yes, and I guarantee you there's a

Don't stand in my way. Don't. You think he's like playing harmonica on it? Like if you listen to the whole thing, there's like a shitty harmonica solo and they're like, that's where Stephen came in. Somebody was just like, Stephen, what if instead of this great, this song is great by the way.

It's great. But we just so happened to know Greg Allman is in town and he's Greg Allman, so maybe, maybe? I guess so. I mean, if you really think that that's a good idea. Hey, Greg, I'm going to kick in the nuts for singing my song. Hey, Greg Allman, thanks for singing a song in my movie.

Here's a gift certificate to Fuck Burger. I don't appreciate you having a record called Eat a Peach. I don't think it's good to eat any fruits of vegetables. That's not what we do in this country. Yeah, but they got an anal apple pie. Oh, God. It tastes like ass. but that is the end of this movie out for justice.

We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts and recommendations. Mr. Steve Sadek. Yeah, I'll take a titty shake burger, hold the taint. I don't know. Hold the tape. Hell yeah. I'll have extra taint on mine. You know what?

You're doing both orders. Take his taint and put it on mine. Can we get some extra taint for the table? Do you like taint spears or halves? Oh, God. Sorry about that. Yeah, this is a, it's a recommend. It's, you know, I think the location shooting is fun.

Some of the fighting is fun. It's 90 full-on minutes. It's not, if it was honestly, like, here's the thing. I do agree that it's a shame that he butchered this movie. Right. But do I think a two-hour version of a Steven Seagall movie would be better? I don't know. But if it was the same amount of Steven Seagal

but more of all the other actions. Yeah, that's also true. Maybe if it fleshed itself out, because I do think like, he's stretching here. He does the accent okay enough. It's not good, but it's not bad, bad either.

I was stunned he bothers with it at all. Yeah, so like he's trying here. It's one of the better Stephen Segal outings. It's a light recommend here. Chris Cabin. Oh, yeah, that's a recommend. I think this is one of the better ones of his. It does not make any,

I mean, the way he talks in this movie is so fucking stupid. And, like, he just says stuff to say stuff. Like, a lot of it just doesn't make any sense. But if you take that, you know, you ignore that. It's a lot of fun. I think this is a well-made. John Flint's a very good director. I think this is a well-made movie.

I, you know, is it as, and I do think, I think if you, I trust him enough that if it was, like, two hours, I think it would work. I think it would still be fun to watch this movie. But, you know, we're never going to see that, I assume. So, God bless William Forsyth for putting this performance in. because it really, it does carry this movie. I was watching him the whole time. Yeah, no, this is a big recommend for me. I think this is my favorite non-underseege Stephen Segal movie for various reasons.

Like the butcher Italian that he's trying to fucking burp out of his mouth in this movie is very funny. We didn't really talk about it, but there are extended lines of Italian dialogue that he has, which I'm just like, I'm pretty sure it's probably terrible, but I don't speak Italian, so I don't know, but that's really great. I just, I love the, the pseudo New Yorkness. What you get in New York is very cool. Yeah, it's, it's totally fun. It's, it's a, it's a good one. So Eric Siska, yeah, as the curator of White Guy Karate Month, which is coming to an end, my friend, final thoughts. I will say not, you know, you, you selected this one and you did a great job selecting this one because this is, you know, I had so much fun with this. I'm not going to say anything different

than you guys did. I think you hit the nail on the head. I agree with Steve's point about like, would I like the two hour version? Maybe. to Chris's point with John Flynn being given the opportunity but it's quick you're in and out and the violence is so fun and I just had a great time with it. So yeah, it's a recommend.

There you go. And that is going to do it for this episode. As always we say over on the Patreon you can get this episode and episodes just like it every Tuesday ad free. That's right, zero commercials over on Patreon.com slash we hate movies where like we've said this month

It's been a lot of white guy karate-related activity. We do have coming up later this week, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, which is the 24th of February. On Thursday, we have the next episode of our Star Trek chat show, The Nexus. We are back to that regularly scheduled programming of one episode of the animated series

and one episode of TNG. And then this Friday, really putting the cap on White Guy Karate Month. The Q1 commentary is out on Patreon. It is the kickboxermentary. That's right, J-CVD, doing that coked out dance. I believe that's in Kickboxer. It's going to be a live

reaction of my first time watching Kickboxer. Oh, wow. Oh, yes. Oh, this is going to be awesome. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of this. We kicked off the month with a WLM. Also, J-CvD on Bloodsport. That was a lot of fun. Chris Cabot, we had some white girl karate almost on the once in a lifetime. I wish it was

more karate, honestly. We don't get quite enough. But yes, fatal defense. If you ever wondered what if your boyfriend slash a defense instructor turned it to a stalker but also had other things going on?

Well, we've got a movie for you folks. It was actually, I mean, it's an unbelievably stupid movie, but it was so much fun picking it apart and we had a blast. It's a really funny episode. I just stopped. I just finished cutting it. Oh, nice. And also Melro 210, no karate on there. No,

I wish. I do wish, but we're heading into the college years with 902 and O. starting this transition, which is going bumpy to begin with. And of course, back on Melrose Place, we are back to stealing babies like we want to do. That's what we do in this show, God damn it.

Steve, we had last week an animation damnation that was on theme for white guy karate mom. Daniel Laruso returned home to the East Coast in the karate kid cartoon, which is a cartoon we've done before probably about 14 years ago, which is chilling to think about.

So we're returning back to Kid, the animated series, because it is the most, it's the one thing we couldn't include because we've done all those movies, the white guy karateist of the karate's of Daniel LaRousseau. Absolutely. And Eric Sisko, what was our Gleap Glossary guy last week? It was an annoying Jedi named Kip Duron. And when you have a white guy named Kip, I think that kind of qualifies. Yeah.

Absolutely. That works. So that was White Guy Karate Month. It is coming to an end, which is sad. but I don't know, maybe we'll drag this out again at another time. It was a lot of, a lot of fun. But as is always the case, y'all, every Tuesday, there's a brand new episode of We Hate Movies coming out.

And Steve, we are getting into listener request month. I can't believe it's March already next week. What are we kicking things off with? Well, yeah, by the way, at the end of the, now that we're done with this episode, just put your karate geese in the bin that I have. We've been doing all these episodes in karate keys. We have.

They definitely need to be laundered. So I've got a bin over there. You get rid of those. I know this was a white belt, but it's brown now. Ignore that. It's going on the garbage. But we are king of... That's what you get for wearing your karate gear to Fuck Burger.

We are going to Fuck Burger. Anyway, no, it's Listener Request Month, which is also called Fuck Burger, because we get fucked by you with these titles. It is the country bears, the Christopher Walken animatronic bear movie from the early odds that I've never seen, and I was hoping to never do that.

but I'm kind of excited at the same time. This is like, ooh, you know, how you just want to touch the stove a little bit? 2002 this is from. We got Tobo here. I believe Tobos floating around. I think the last time, the Tobos in that Garfield movie,

I think that might have been the last time we covered a movie that Tomo is in. 88 minutes, I like that. Now we are talking. So until next week, where we talk about a movie that's not even an hour and a half long. I've been Andrew Jupon.

Steven Sade. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.