We Hate Movies - S16 Ep849: The Country Bears (2002)

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

“These Country Bears… they busted through that ceiling!” - ChrisOn this week’s episode, we’re kicking off Listener Request Month 2026 with a banger convo about the totally insane Disney animatronic nightmare film, The Country Bears! Why couldn’t these bears have some different personalities from one another? Did Beary’s parents just steal a bear cub from the woods? Was Willie Nelson paid in weed? Why couldn’t we get more Stephen Tobolowsky in this movie? And how many of these bears are hooked on honey? PLUS: Rest in Peace, Country Bears’ original drummer, Toots! The Country Bears stars Christopher Walken, Stephen Tobolowsky, Daryl Mitchell, Diedrich Bader, M.C. Gainey, Alex Rocco, Queen Latifah, and the voices of Diedrich Bader, Haley Joel Osment, Candy Ford, James Gannon, Toby Huss, Kevin Michael Richardson, Stephen Root and Brad Garrett as Fred Bedderhead; directed by Peter Hastings.This episode is brought to you by GameTime! Download the GameTime app today! Create an account and use code WHM for $20 off your first purchase! Terms apply. Download the GameTime app today!Folks planning on attending our show at the Varsity Theatre in Minneapolis, get hip to the start of this episode where we tell y’all about an extra night you can hang out with us at a screening of An American Werewolf in London that we’re co-hosting with the Minnesota Timberwolves organization! Remember, all details are at the start of this episode! Be sure to catch us on the road in Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22 where we’ll be talking Conan the Barbarian and Big respectively. Tickets on sale now! Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!  Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

We Hate Movies is finally collaborating with the NBA. Now that I have your attention, if you're headed to the varsity theater show in Minneapolis on March 20th, where we'll be doing a live podcast on Conan the Barbarian, well, guess what? It doesn't end there. We've got a special bonus event happening the night before. We are teaming up with the Minnesota Timberwolves for an exclusive screening of an American We'rewolf in London on March 19th inside their offices theater. It is free, but tickets are required and details on how to get them will be announced through

WolvesWire. If you don't know what that is, that is the Timberwolves Weekly Fan newsletter. So subscribe now to WolfsWire at Timberwolves.com slash WHM. So you do not miss that announcement. Again, that is Timberwolves.com slash WHM. Also, don't forget a few short days later, March 22nd, will be in Chicago, Illinois at the Den Theater, talking about 1988's big. That's the Tom Hanks movie.

It's going to be a lot of fun, a live podcast. So for tickets for our live podcasts in Minneapolis or Chicago, go to wh-hmpodcast. com slash tour. It's pretty extraordinary. This week on the program, it's like being stuck in hell if hell were the Chuck Echee's concert room. It's the country bears. Andrew Jupin. Those country bears are everywhere, Stephen Sadek.

Country Eric. Zuber Sticky Honey Problem. Good God. And we hate movies. Everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine program, as always. That's right. Holy smokes. We are kicking off. Listener request month. With a real banger, this is the country bears from 2002 directed by Peter Hastings. This was requested by Nathan from St. Paul. Let's hear what he had to say. God, I feel like shit.

Hey, guys, this is Nathan from St. Paul. Fuck, I don't feel great, but this is my last day to call in, and I just won't miss it. So if you can grant this guy from St. Paul, his dying request, maybe. Could you review the country bears on Disney Plus? This is terrible movie with Chris Walken and a bunch of scary animatronic costumed bears. Anyway, I haven't seen it,

but I would like you guys. Anyway, yeah, bye. Have a good one. You better be dead, Nathan. You better not live through that goddamn cold. Fuck you. New rule, you have to watch it before we do. That's the new rule.

I just made it up. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. If we can sense, if you say it outright, next year we're deleting it. But, like, if I can just sense that it sounds like maybe you didn't watch it, you're done. Mm-hmm. You're out, man.

I would wager, though, Steve. This was not the only personally requested country bears. No, this is the one and done. This is the only one. Is that right? Nathan is the only one. What? Holy shit.

This round. It has appeared before. It has been on the list of them. It has not been on this one. It was only one. You're saying somehow the country bears returned. They did. Oscar Isaac style

This is one of the worst we've ever done This sent me into a deep spiral For the rest of the day You wanted to go into hibernation I want to drown myself in her lake or something Oh man Eric no I'm sorry Eric you're just weak This is not this was not that bad

As far as kids movies go This is what a kid's movie is mostly There weren't so much perverse shit It wasn't it's just not there And it's actually funny I think it parts I don't know about that. I hate kids. Yeah, well, he doesn't hate kids.

I'm aware. I think that this movie is a bizarre. It literally feels like a transmission from another dimension. Like, it's just like whenever this was okay. Like somebody was like, this is what we're doing. And I'm like, okay. And I also, I don't know, like, I feel like a lot of the, even in like being generous, like a lot of the jokes don't land because I think a lot of

this is kind of who cares is really. Yep. They spent a lot of money on the fucking anatatronics, but did not spend any money. money on the script is my understanding. I feel like they just don't really give a shit. But by the way, the Chris Cabin's listening out there. It's okay to like a movie.

If you like this one like Chris does, it's totally fine. Huge fan. My country bear shirt is under my Discord. T-Hoodie here is the country bears one. I have the one that says the album that what was our first is the fun,

the nice little album we get in the middle of it. So they're on that record label with Chris, you think? Probably. Yeah. this is a movie that I had never seen until today. I was super aware of it, though, because I projected this at the old multiplex back in the day. It was definitely around.

I remember looking up, I texted it to you guys. I don't remember what they were, but I remember looking up, like, when this movie premiered what the top five at the box office were, because this debuted at six, unsurprisingly. And it was all movies that it took me right back to, like, some of my earliest multiplex days. I'd only been working there for like two-ish years at that point.

really took me back. I remember, like, it coming out. I remember sort of peering through the, the porthole in the booth, like, ugh, this one ain't for me. And, like, really, animatronics as a lead of a movie is really weird. And it's not the same as, like, a Muppet being a lead of a movie. And animatronic is a whole thing, because animatronics, to me, are like, like I said at the top, you should be in the Chuck Echese concert room, part of the dining room that they had at those restaurants.

You should be at a cheaper pizza place with the Rockefier Explosion back in the early 80s, those guys, like, they should be on a pole, swiveling, and pretending to play guitar. Not this moving around fucking driving cars and all this nonsense. The other thing is they, or they could be like either antagonists or supplementary characters in the movie, like you got your gremlins, your critters, you know what I mean? Those kinds of animatronics. I think it's fine. I'll take those more at a puppet situation.

I know they're animatronics, but like, I guess I mean more like the big guys. Like a human size animatronic. That can't be a main character in the movie. I don't see a difference, really. At the end of the day, to me, that's all the same thing. Now, the one thing I will say difference is these, they all have the same eyes. They don't have, like, a variation of character in that sense. And that, it did give me some distance.

But, like, I think the reason this movie didn't do well is because I think this came out right when we were kind of hit in the end of the Muppets thing. Like, we were kind of tired of the movies. We were kind of tired of all of that. And this was one that came out. And they're like, nobody's interested in this. shit. Also, nobody wants a movie that doesn't start

Johnny Depp that is based on a Disney ride. You know, maybe that's just it. Well, that's interesting. When was that Black Pearl? 2003. And this was them getting that idea because an executive walked around the park and adapted this

before they adapted Pirates of the Caribbean. Country Bears, Jamboree was a thing at a couple of the Disney parks and it sort of, I guess, farted around since the 70s. one form or another. And to have Wikipedia tell you, something that was interesting was apparently Disney was working on

like a ski resort in the 70s and this is where they were going to put them. Was that that thing? And then like the ski resort never happened. But I was like, Jesus, dude, Disney and ski resort, that's just, you can have creatures on ski slopes breaking their neck.

Cocaine up the was. Exactly. Yes. Everywhere. I mean, that's, you have to imagine the reason they have a human drummer is because cocaine bear, You know, he passed on, sadly.

He had too much. He was their original drummer, and they had to let him go. He was too much. He was just too much. We all missed Toots so much. Toots was the best of all the bears. We always knew, though, Toots would be the first to go. I remember being in some of the earliest practices back at our den and thinking,

man, if we hit it big, Toots ain't going to have long for this world. And boy, was I right. I was sad to even work on his solo record, Sugar, which was, I believe, you know, it was a little bit of an underrated masterpiece in a way because it's all since. Unsense and fair voice. They are musicians. At least one of them should have drowned in their own vomit,

right? Yeah. Exactly. Or the drown in general. And go swimming and fucking never come up for air, anything like that. We can get into it at some point. But I think what bugs me about this movie, and I think what hampers this movie, like the bears look like they do. You know what I mean? You're not going to get around it. That's what they went with. But the bears aren't different. Do you know what I mean? Like there's not the stupid one.

There's not the one that's obsessed with food. There's not the one that's the smart one that's good. And like, if that was the case, then you've got to move you. But they're all just like, I don't know. I'm a bear. And like everyone sounds kind of the same and does the same thing. You own Snow White. Just dwarfify these guys. Exactly. Trades.

Also the other thing that's very annoying about this movie. is aside from the last bear that they get to, because let's remember, folks, this is a getting the band back together movie, getting a bear band back together movie. There's zero fucking conflict in any of them. It's like, hey, we're getting the band back together. Okay, sounds great.

Then they go to the next stop. Hey, we're getting the band back together. Oh, yeah, well, I'm horny. Cool, here's your girlfriend and let's go. And there's no, like, finally, like the last guy is like, no, fuck y'all. And I was like, cool conflict, fucking finally. You owe me royalties on Sugarburger because you used my guitar riff on it.

You know that. I mean, I will say the problem for me was not that I think they all have their each have their own problems. Like you're saying, they don't have their own characteristics, but at least they have their own problems. And again, it's a kids movie.

I want this to be under 90 minutes. I don't want you impressing me with all the, I have all the beautiful, wonderful musician biopics left to come to me where I will get all of that bullshit, I'm sure. But this is just kind of like, yeah, whatever. We do introduce some adult themes to kids in this movie because one of them is an alcoholic. He's addicted to drinking honey all day long.

Zuber. Is that Zuber? We lost. That's what's one of them, Zeber, booboo-in? The fiddle one, yeah. I mean, that, I mean, it is sad because we did lose a lot of kids to honey in the odds. And that was just something that we had to deal with, really. That's Zeb, Zuber.

That's the hat one. I think that's probably, at least in like when I close my eyes and the limited I remember about country bears, because I must have seen it at Disney World when I went. It's the hat one. He's the hat one. That's the one you kind of remember. You know what I mean? He's the guy with the hat on. I think that's Stephen Root doing Zeb Zuber is the idea. And that the thing is you got Stephen Root, Toby Huss, and Dietrich Bader. It's just like the Mike Judge all stars. I'm closing my eyes and like thinking about King of the Hill a little bit. You know what I mean? Oh, absolutely. No, I'm definitely hearing these voices like. I'd rather be watching fucking King of the Hill right now.

I'll tell you that much. Well, we're doing like, because again, it's the early odds. We're very much into the whole behind the music idea. You know what I mean? Like, so this opening montage

of like the Bears. It's like the Bears through the years, their big hibernation tour. They also, not for nothing, the way that this is captured and they have like the big final concert. There's definitely also an air of the band

with these guys. 100%. First thing I thought of. It was like one of them, even, one of them I heard and I thought for a minute, I had to run to the computer. I thought Levin Helm did like. Oh, no. Don't tell me. I do not want this.

But then it turns out it's John Hyatt, who I do like, but he's not, he's not Levin'on Helm. Thank you, Levin'on Helm for having artistic integrity unlike Willie Nelson, Elton John. There's a whole list here. Oh, Don Henley, dude. Don Henley, Monty, Rate. Oh, Don't Henry Rait. had no artistic amp but come on now

integrity exhibit you know it's just try to be better Chris Brian Setser should have known better yeah

Willie Nelson is in that Jay Leno tier of he will do anything for a movie and is just like oh yeah

I remember coming up with the Transformers they opened for me in 65 like he'll do just fucking

anything like you want to do you want to you want to get 30 seconds that of William Nelson you got it

I think as a matter of when he I believe there's an episode of the of that he hosted and there's a similar like, oh, me and Kermit were on the

road getting into the green back in the day or, hell yeah. There was that whole fucking, like, I think it was like a five to ten year period where Willie Nelson was just putting shit out to deal with the tax problem. Yeah, that's a good point. He had like a million or so owed to them and he was just like,

here's another B-sides, all right, it's a new album, The Promise Land, here you go, take it. Oh, yeah, the Gargoy's stole all my good songs, Galathe and Bronx and Brooklyn or whatever else happened. Now, ask your parents what the gargoyles cartoon was that aired in the 90s briefly. Boy, it was a real wild time back in 89 going on road with the teenage mutant

into turtles, you know, talk about getting into some green with those guys, too, man. Donatello was a picker, though, man. You gave him that little banjo, he would go all night. I got to tell you what. Oh, yeah, Boomer from Fraggle Rock would get anonymous his head from all sorts of sources. It didn't matter. He just allowed them whatever

mouth he found was the mouth he wanted. He didn't even need to see your eyes. He just need to see your mouth. Well, that would make me smile too. Yeah, so we got Zeb, Zuber, Tennessee O'Neill, and then the brothers

Ted and Fred, excuse me, everyone, better heads? Be going to suck it. What are we doing here? That's a weird name. I mean, you guys know Disney. I've never been. But is this act, do they form it out?

They say all their fucking names. Or did we name them for the movie? It seems like we named some of them for the movie. Well, there's like a million of them. It's a mix and mesh. The Wikipedia's got a bunch of names that do not appear in the movie. Yeah, this is Zeke. There's a brother Ted Big Fred.

Okay. These are the ones that died from a musician, hard living, right? Yeah, honey overdoses, dude. Or a Zeke hung himself at the shower. That was tough for everybody. I assume they were all going to come back for country bears to poor in America in which they really get back and get back on the road.

And finally, we get that movie you guys want. That's two hours and a half. Yes, please. A deep character study of these bears would be better than this. I'm not asking for a deep character study, Chris. I just want conflict in a script. And don't tell me that children's films don't have conflict. I don't think my dad will ever view me as an equal.

I'm a bear. Where's it weird? You know, the craziest thing about the time when biker mice from Mars were opening for me was, normally I got problems with regular size mice, but these big guys, man, they could hang. It was totally fine by old Willie. We do get their first song, which is like, I guess, It seems to be their farewell song.

That's kind of fun. Let it ride. Fuck you all. Oh, yes. Fuck you all. Fuck you all would have been the better one to go with. This concert footage is that you're getting that. Dude, one of these bears is doing backflips?

Like he's goddamn John Belushi? What a stage show these guys had? One thing that I kept seeing, because I think this movie has a lot in common with like Josie of the Pussy Cats and Spice World and those kinds of movies. Of the ilk of like this sort of late TRL kind of teeny. opera thing, but a lot of people were saying because I've actually never seen it.

The structure is very close to the Blues Brothers. Is that correct? Is that... Did you say you've never seen the Blues Brothers? I've actually never seen the Blues Brothers. That's insane. I know, it's crazy. Yeah, no, it's almost exactly the Blues Brothers. Got it. Yeah, they're... You know, the Blues Brothers, their mission from God

is getting the band back together to do a charity show so they can save the orphanage that they grew up and that's going to be torn down. So there isn't a nefarious ex-arm pit farter who's trying to get them in the way that Christopher Walken does in this movie, but it's pretty much the structure of the Blues Brothers, yes. With way less good music and less influential musicians,

cameoing, less talent, less intrigue. There's similar musical, you know, in little bits. Right. All of a sudden they will break into song and the whole set will help them out and do a bit of the song as well. Great movie, Blues Brothers. Somehow I just missed it as a kid and then I missed it as a teen. And I know we'll do it eventually.

I know because you guys love it as a WLM. So I want that to be my experience. Okay. Whenever that happens. We should fix that in season 16. Yeah. I have the best reason. I have a great story for that episode when we do it.

I love this. I don't know. I think I've said this before. My father-in-law was for a moment, an assistant director on that movie. Whoa. Okay. And he quit for good reasons. Quit the Blues Brothers, huh?

Quit the Blues. Well, you remember who was directing that and what he did later. He was trying to do something like that on that set. He brought a helicopter to the movie? He was making John Belushi work at night. Something like that. Not something exactly that. Something like that.

I see. But now we meet our little intrepid hero here. Barry Barrington. played by Haley Joel Osmond is the name of the voice. Right, right, right. Yeah. And he's watching this behind the music-esque thing that this is where, like Willie Nelson appears on this kid's TV is the idea.

This kid's dressed in the haircut. He looks like an undercover cop the whole movie. Like, I don't know why. He's like this real big bulky dude with kind of like an almost two hip haircut. We're like, I don't trust this guy. I don't trust this guy at all. I'm only mill house when he gets hurt. Exactly.

You're totally right, dude. I didn't think of it. Yeah, like, if he had, like, is he seen with a backpack on? I feel like a backpack would have been the real, hello fellow kids. I think he does have a backpack. Yeah, he's wearing a sweater for a while, a hoodie. And I'm like, that's not. I don't know.

This guy's like 50 years old. Yeah. And I think that that's the joke when he has dinner with the family and he's like, why don't know it look like my brother? You know, like I can see these jokes. in the world, you know what I mean? Right, yeah. But he does ask the family if he's adopted, and you got

Tobo as the father here, Mr. Barrington. Hey, folks, today's episode on the country bears is brought to you by Game Time. You know, we have satellites that take pictures of far-off galaxies, panels that can turn sunlight into electricity, and cell phone apps that can have state-certified legal

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Again, create an account and redeem code WHM for $20 off. Download the game time app today. The little brother is played by the kid who played Little Stifler. The fuckers, fuckers, fuckers, fuckers, fuck. Steve Stippler's younger brother. And we should say, like, so Barry is into the country bears because he's spiritually 60 years old.

Yeah, he's one of those kids in high school that was only into classic rock. Do you have any of those guys in your school? Yeah. Any music passed like 1978, they were completely uninterested in. I found it fascinating. My buddy Dan, who Andrew didn't know, he was like, I would be like, oh man, you got to listen to the new deaf tones. He's like, you got to listen to Jaco Pistorius.

Jacko Pistorius and the band. Like, okay, man. You knew kids like Barry over here. I did. He wasn't quite as young. We also knew kids like Dexter, his brother, who has three, count them three limp biscuit posters on his side of the room. Yes.

A real fan right there. Oh, it's a show. shared room. Oh, okay. I thought those were Barry's posters when they're seen later in the film. Oh, that makes much more sense. Well, with the frosted tips. Did I not also see your beloved nine-inch nails on that

wall? Yes, I, Eric. I know, it sucks. I mean, it's a terrible thing. So, Limbiscuit Nich-Dil's kids got great musical taste. What's, what's the problem? He's doing good. Broken clocks right once a twice, twice a day. Tobos

trying where, like, he keeps hitting this kid on the head that's kind of funny and like again if this movie's trying to have a message like you could be different all you won't it's okay whatever's different is great it's also weird to not tell this kid if he's adopted if he's a fucking bear but hey here's the thing man and I mentioned this recently on something else and I know it's because like you have to have a movie

on your hands here but again you're telling me this is the first time this kid has been like am I adopted yeah you're a fucking sentient bear dude and you're at least I don't know, 12 years old? Like, you'd be asking already, hey, why am I a bear? They decide to use that for comedy to have Dexter play off of that in the background

or whatever, saying mean things about his adoption status. Yeah. Right. Also, those pictures that you get of them finding him in the wild. Dude, this picture of Tobo, where he's got the bear cub in like the baby pack, like on his chest, like, hey, I've got a bear. It's a bear baby.

It does beg the question to like, do all bears talk like this or all bears looking like this? Or, you know, what about dogs? What about rabbits? What about any animal? Why no bear audience members later on in the movie?

Let me tell you, though. What you're talking about there is a true thing that the movie does not highlight as strongly as it should. This is a movie, or this is a movie world where you've got human beings and you've got anthropomorphic bears and anthropomorphic bears only.

The scene where they go to the car wash, there's bears working out of that car wash that aren't the country bears. Well, I miss that. That would highlight that higher. You've got bears like just here and there in the background. So it's like an underclass that does like the hard work. Yes. I think so. That's interesting.

They should rise up. The planet of the bears perhaps could happen. Well, that's, I mean, that's what's so inspiring about it, Eric, is that these country bears, they really, you know, they busted through the ceiling. They got to a new place. And they were able, I mean, they spent all their money. that's what we learn is they all blew their fucking all, I assume because of honey and cocaine, but they blew all their

fortunes and like now they're just doing regular shit. And they're, the country bear hall is about to be demolished fellas. We got to say a hundred bear hall a million times. The one thing I thought about Barry was eventually he was going, because again, I didn't see these car wash bears, which again would have changed my opinion of the

movie drastically. But I was expecting him at some point to be the son of one of the bears. You know what I mean? Like, oh, like, wow, you're my real dad. Yeah, I blew through town one day, really put my thing in something and got drunk and went to the zoo. Yeah. Because then it would be the perverted movie we always talk about where it's like, oh, well, he must have fucked a woman or fucked another bear.

And now we have to find the bear that's his mother. And I'm like, I don't want North the Bear movie. I don't really want that. This sounds great. I just kind of want this. What you're laying down sounds great, though. I know you're putting in this into my head because I didn't think about this until just now

is Barry the bear and the country bears, they're able to stand up and speak English because a bear impregnated a woman or a woman or a man impregnated a bear. Sure. What do you think, Chris? You know, I don't again, like, I don't think I need North the

bear movie. I don't think I need twins the bear movie. I don't the question of who birthed this kid is not interesting to me because they don't make any bit of it an interest in the movie. They don't ever like, are like, hey, where is my parents? They're just like, am I adopted?

Picture a bear coming out of human birth canal for a moment. Nope. That'd be pretty wrong. What I will say about that, though, and I don't need the who fucked what and made whatever. Yes. But I would appreciate a little explanation from Tobo and the lady playing this

wife about like, you know, we were going to send you to like animal control but we didn't have it in our heart because like, without any of that, these two seemingly otherwise sentient normal sane people found a bear in the woods took it and raised it like a human boy for seemingly no reason.

And I just need a little line about how we couldn't call animal control or something because it's really weird kids movie or otherwise. Yeah, like oh, he just stole our heart when we were about to call animal control. We let's raise him as a said. Exactly. And you know Toba would fucking slay a monologue about that.

Yeah, like maybe Toba. Tobo hit it with the car and he called the Ranger and the Ranger was going to kill it. He's like, no, don't do that. I'll take him. I'd just seen the movie Harry and the Henderson's and felt immediate guilt. Oh, Stephen, I was actually about to return that bear, but actually my accountant said that bear dependence count double. So actually it made a lot of sense from a tax perspective, etc. Oh, man.

I bet the introduction of a bear class really fucked with the tax system back then. Exactly. Everything's upside down now. Well, we don't know exactly, though, like what their place in society is because those, for instance, those ones work in the car wash, maybe they don't have right human rights. Maybe they don't file tax. Maybe they're not paid. They get like a lashing and maybe a fish. Whatever it is, though, society.

at large is comfortable with it because the next scene is this kid like all right I'm gonna go fine my fucking true calling and he fucks off onto a greyhound bus where unless everybody's got facial blindness on this bus like he's just sitting next to an old man and everybody's cool with a bear being on the bus there's never a thing like you're a bo bo bo bo bo bo bear like nothing like that happens it's kind of like family guy rules you know what i mean in that way of just like oh here's a dog walking around and he's got erudite opinions although he doesn't fuck human women, which I really appreciate about this. I really like that.

Beesa v. Family guy. The dog does fuck women, right? All the time. 100%. And right. But, like, that's, I think that's better that it's like, but for some reason, like, the jokes just need to be underlined a little bit of just, you know. One way or another, I think would be helpful in that way. I think, I mean, the way you help it is just like, there's a bear drive in the bus. And there's a bear in, like, the school who's a team. You know what I mean?

Or like an ostrich is driving the bus or something. You know what I mean? If we're thinking to this Bears only society, like for whatever reason, only the bears decided to rise up to human level sentience, you know what I mean? Right. Maybe Tobo's neighbor is a bear and it's like, uh-oh, did he, well, did he impregnate his wife? I know they found him in this narrative, but you could play with a lot here in society.

I don't know if the bears could really integrate themselves into like office space. though. I get car wash makes sense. Touring musicians make sense. You have to the doors, every door to every office would have to be remeasured. Yep, exactly. Hair everywhere. It's just not a place for them.

And like, that's why I do think you're right, Eric, that they are a bit of an underclass because they are all doing these either smaller jobs or artistic jobs and that's it. Yeah, but that said, I have worked in a lot of offices in my time and it's usually populated with filthy fucking animals. I'll tell you what, man.

Bears working in an office environment, that's a series of ESPN commercials I'd watch. I'm sure they have them. You have no choice. Yeah, they're all talking about fucking gambling. Anyway, so Barry gets, I love this, next stop, country bear music hall is if it's written into the fucking bus schedule, which is great. We say country bear hall so many times. Big time, dude. Because it's like, well, it's as, it's as prestigious as like the Riemann or the Grand Ole Opry, you know, the Country Bear Hall.

Yes, I mean, come on. And unfortunately, it's on hard times. A tour used to be $500 and it was $200. And now it's $25. You know, that's, wow, that's a real fall. $500, by the way. What are they sucking your cock on the way out? You know who might have done that, actually?

A bear that was not in the movie, Romeo McGrowl, originally named Liver Lips McGrowell. Hell yes. This guy says, he is a brown bear with big lips and plays the good. Oh, baby. That's not all he plays. He talks at the heartstrings, too, it sounds like. Look, he just wouldn't survive me too.

We know this. He wouldn't have gotten through. He wouldn't have been able to do it. Yeah, my best friend is Deep Throat McGrawl, my bear friend. Don't be saying that out loud. Don't be doing that. Stop. Hey, guys, I know we're about to embark on the Hobbernation reunion tour, but listen,

there's an article coming out in variety that I just wanted to tell you about before it dropped tomorrow and let's just say the tour's finished before it started. Oh yeah, he's 69 to Mick Jagger in 73. And Mick was none too pleased. The B-2 movement because he stole a bunch

of honey. Oh, that's what it is. B-tude movement. Yeah, when a bear gets B-2ed, it's just them getting caught stealing honey. Here comes Chris Walken. sure does. Reed Thimple and we're told he works for the bank

wants to take the country bear hall for demolition here because uh oh 20,000 in back taxes these cheapscape bears oh. Ouch. Yeah, but it's, you know, you're looking at it. There's six years behind their payments. I guess this is a mortgage or something. Or is this taxes?

Whatever it is, $20,000. That's like over, a little over $3,000 a year and like 27, 27, 27, in a month. It's like nothing these payments. Well, when you're charging

five cents for a tour. Yeah. They don't deserve a hall if they're this stupid. Well, Eric, you got to, I imagine like Willie Nelson has to come in and be like, $20,000.

That's it? That's it. I can do that. I'll do a McDonald's commercial. I'll get you that. Calm down there, country bears. Don't worry,

Bear friends. All you got to do is a bad movie. I do that every time I'm in tech's trouble. Say, I'm doing it right now. Me and Jim Carrey got a thing brewing here. It's going to be terrible. You should have been in Wack the Dog Country Bears. You should have been there.

You would have been such a welcome presence in that movie. You could have shown Dustin Hoffman what's for. Slap him upside the head a little bit. One thing that I've noticed with the Waukin, and Waukin's just out of control of this movie. He's only in like two scenes, which is unfortunate, like, for being the big villain and giving it his all in that way is like you realize the Queen's accent is,

always there because it's not country bears, it's the country bear. These are country bears. Oh, the bears. I love hearing him say, these bears! It's just it's so much fun. It's incredible. It's awesome. And yeah, he does not

possess any sort of southern twang whatsoever. No. He's just talking like he has talked in every movie and it's fantastic. I love the little detail. It's like, all right, bears, $20,000. I doubt you'll get it. And he goes to like drive away. the hood ornament on his car is a fucking wrecking ball.

Yes. Little machine. That was a nice little gag. This car that he's driving is the car that Kennedy was shot in, by the way. It's certainly like Hitler's car, not for nothing. I got it for cheap. They cleaned it for free. Oh, Jackie O left her hat behind.

Now it's mine. Sorry, Smithsonian. There's some brain in the carpet. If you look closely. We got the bear that he's talking to is the groundskeeper, Big Al, who's voiced by James Gannon from Major League. I got to tell you, I looked very closely at all the other puppets, and it's just this one, this big owl, why are his lips so wet?

This is a puppet that's got wet lips, and it's disgusting. Some people would say the artists went the extra mile, I would say it's disgusting. I think he's the funniest of the bears. His jokes were the best, you know. In such a, and he's just kind of dumb and slow kind of a guy. Watch the grass.

Yes. If this guy made like the stage show at Disney, he was getting a lot of the laughs. You know what I mean? I'm not going to sing none, but I'll say funny stuff really slowly. The other guy is Kevin Michael Richardson. He's the dude in the hat.

It's like the manager or whatever. Oh, yeah, he's a huge voice actor. He's been a ton of things over the years. And he's just... That's Henry? Yes, Henry is the other guy. And like, they are... They're going to be homeless bears.

I mean, go back to the fucking woods. I don't know. It's like, why do you need to get a job? He's like, oh, no, we're going to be whatever. We're going to be working a friator for a teenager. I'm like, no, just go back to the woods. Yeah. Well, Steve, you see, they've been living, you know, with human society for like 50 years since

they were Cubs. It's all they've known. you can't just deport them back to the woods. They don't have a home there. There's no real roots just because they're bears and they're from there. And if you talk to Big Al, this actually isn't a... I gotta love Big Al. I was like, we'll learn how to do that too.

Like, that's how the fucking wind goes. Like, sometimes you just gotta find a new job. I love his can, don't, attitude. So the parents, of course, are very distraught about this. We call the cops who are played by Daryl Chill Mitchell. and Diedrich Bader as ham and cheats. Mm-hmm. Is everybody laughing at cheats there?

No. Right. See, ham's funny because it's got two M's, you see. Uh-huh. You should just call them cheese. Why didn't you just call them cheese? Yeah, just do it. What's wrong?

What's wrong with that? Cheese with just a Z on the end there, and that's all he has, yes. But I do like Tobo, they're like, your name's ham and cheats or whatever. And Tobo, in this very sort of tone of like, well, that's stupid. It's just like, well, that's your name. Like it's almost as if he's like, well, whatever you say, screenplay, that's their fucking dumb name. Yes. I do kind of, I do kind of love Bader and chill doing this together.

Like, I think they're really good together. Most of the human performance in this movie were the ones that were getting my attention. And yes, indeed, a smattering of laughs here and there. Yes. You want more than just the car wash scene for them because they are your, you know, like, in terms of like the big physical comedy of like, oh, no, something silly is happening to us. It only happens once.

And then they're like kind of written out of the movie almost after that. Exactly. As sort of pseudo antagonists as opposed to like, you know, it's the cops are going. They're Southern folk. Southern folks used to be afraid of the cops. Now they love them so much. But, you know, they're good. They're fine.

You know, it all works. But like, man, I'm not a fan of that car wash sequence. And by the way, did you guys watch till after the credits? Because there's more of the car wash sequence. Oh, at the very end of the credits? No. Disney Plus turned it off and tried to make me watch something else. You got to go back and make it play the credits to see the Stinger scene,

which is just them, the aftermath of the car wash. You'd think maybe this is setting up country bears too or seeing them after the events of the movie. But no, it's seeing them at the midway point of the movie in a deleted scene. Oh, those are the worst. It's really to sing the praises of the hair and makeup people because they really had a lot of fun with that scene. They did.

that scene, really. That's where they got to shine. I will wager, Eric, that if I go back and watch it, I'll recognize it immediately, because again, coming from having played this a bunch through the projector, you always see the last fucking 10,

5 seconds of the credits. So I'm sure it'll come flooding back to me. Well, what, do, does Disney now allow you to watch credits? Or like, you can't do it, right? They're like, no, the next thing start. It tries to stop you, but I resist. Okay.

I just didn't, I didn't know that. the fucking remote in. You can click back in. You can watch the credits. You can't. It's possible. Okay. You don't, with any streaming service,

you need to be fucking at the button like you're fucking at a Jeopardy audition. You need to be ready to go. You need to ready to buzz in. I've been trying to like figure out which is the worst these days. And I'm pretty sure it's Peacock. I think Peacock is the fastest.

Yes. The second they want you to go to the next thing. It's like barely five seconds. And it's a fast five, too. The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist, which detects an accident the moment it happens and even offers you emergency assistance at the tap of a button. Okay, but what if I don't have an accident? Well, just keep on, keeping on. Bel Air Direct, insurance, simplified. Conditions apply. Don't care for it. But yeah,

so like they realized that he's probably kidnapped or he's missing. Meanwhile, back at country Bear Hall, Henry and Big Al are just like, well, we can't do anything. And Barry is like, what if we put on a big concert. And it's like many things in this movie, it's like, we can't do that. Beat, beat, beat. Let's do that. Like there's no difference between there needs to be something that changes the tone of the film that you miss. That these guys would then agree to do this because it's like they say no. Haley Joel Osmit sort of walks outside and starts like strumming one of the country bears tunes on his own guitar. And that's more than enough for these other two to be like, garsh, let's fucking go, baby.

And I was like, come on, man. Anything here. The kid's pretty good. He sounds like them hansom boys. You see, with a little country tang to them. Come on. Let's do it. Yeah, so they agree to do it.

They bring out this tour bus, which has MC Ganey inside of it, which is scary, by the way. Yes. Great NC Ganey. I love him. But I have a theory on his character here. He's got this chicken with him. He mentions that on this tour. of us he raised his children. I think he has a gonzo-esque relationship with his chicken.

I'm not surprised. Oh, yeah, sure. He's my girlfriend, Mr. Chicken. Yeah. Well, he's the first one. I don't know if this is, you know, he might be, I guess he would be. He's by bestiality. He will take a male or a female beast. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, he would take either side. He only learns like fucking 50 minutes through this movie that Mr. Chicken's a lady. Yeah. So there's that. So there's that, you know. Sping fucking this chicken in the ass. I mean, it's a chick. Doesn't matter.

Well, I guess it's all that one hole, isn't it? Oh, just keep fucking that chicken. Keep fucking that chicken. Yeah, M.C. Ganey did keep fucking that chicken in this movie. That's right. And raising his kids? We said he raised the kids in the van, is the joke. The eggs came out and he, you know, M.C. Ganey warmed them with his own

took us, and then he raised those, assuming, I think, that they were his. got half chicken, half, half MC Ganey abomination, right? Beaks. Oh my God. Those things could island and Dr. Moro's shit. They could be working at the gas station or something, you know? Call me.

Call me. That'll be $7.95. Kill me. I'm just imagining, you know, Barry is like, come on, Roady, we got to go. And he wakes him up. And it's like that seated sideways with MC Ganey's having sex with that lady.

It's big cockus swinging around. Sure. Running after Paul. Giamati there. I know you. I know you, motherfucker. I know you, little bear. Real fucking boat propeller shit in that movie, dude. Great line from the exchange between the two cops here where, uh, like, Chill Mitchell is like, we're going to find him. And Deidrich Bader goes, oh, we're going to do more than that. And Chill Mitchell goes, what are we going to do? Find him twice? That's fun. I like that line. Yeah, it's a funny. He had me laughing. Um,

so yeah he remembers he sees him playing the guitar he remembers like a concert they're having so okay shake off the shitty old tour bus from the 1991 hibernation tour they broke up at the last the last concert stop on that tour is the idea

you know this tour bus smells like shit oh yeah oh it's a gaping hole in this movie if you're doing to get the band back together and the band used to be this big band any behind the music fake thing your spiked there needs to be a reason why they broke up. Was it money? Was it a lady? Was it, you know what I mean?

Like any number of... I mean, obviously, we're not going to do drugs. It could be funny if they did. There's probably a gaping hole in that chicken, too. Oh, Lord Almighty. Well, by the way, this is a podcast for adults. I don't... Oh, thank you.

Oh, really? Because you like your young buck listening. You like the country bears. Press pause and get your mom or dad. Yeah, definitely listen to this with your parents. Great idea. after the whole comment. After that, that's when you turn it off.

Clearly, clearly after you hear the hole. You got to play this for your parents because they have credit cards and that's how you can sign up from patreon, patreon.com slash we ate movies. So the first one we find here is Fred Betterhead. My God.

You know what? You know what? Everybody at Disney was winking the whole time, winking all the way to the bank with this fucking shit. And this is Brad Garrett is voicing Fred Betterhead. And he is working. security on a music video shoot for a studio, you see.

Who the foxes lady? I have no idea. Crystal Harris, and I would thought like, is this say, this is like a fake performer? This is movie character. No, apparently this is a pop musician that went nowhere. Well, I thought that, because I'm not the world's biggest country person, because I would have assumed, like, that she was big. You could tell immediately that she's obviously like somebody.

But the weird thing is she was a real person. You know what I mean? She at least according to Wikipedia, like her performance name is just Crystal. Like that's what she. Hey Crystal. Yeah, wake up, play some music. I went to her official website

and it was now some like Turkish giving me a virus site. Is that right? Yes. That's pretty funny. But that's the funny thing is like you would want like a Faith Hill or something. You know what I mean?

Something along that. Yeah. I mean, that's why Don. Don Henley is doing a fucking voice and kind of only appearing. How about Jennifer Page we get later, which is another one of these fake people that's supposedly a real person and a real musician. That woman had a song that I actually recognized. She did crush. Yes.

It's just a little crush. Oh, that's her? Every time you touch. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is weird, though, because like, that was a song I recognized. This other woman I had no idea. Yet this woman gets like a name and she's making a music video.

And the woman with an actual charted single is just playing an uncredited waitress later in the film. Waitress is that credit. It's crazy. But she's like, oh, you're Fred Betterhead. You were the country bears. You invented the stage dive? Like some fucking gutter punk from fucking DC is like, that's fucking bullshit. Exactly.

I invented the stage died at 71. Throwing your Doc Martin boot at the. the screen walks out of the country bears which he has seen by himself on a Saturday afternoon for some reason. So it's like, oh yeah, you used to play the harmonica in my favorite band the country bears. Let's jam. And we like stop. Not that there's a lot of momentum here to begin with, but this movie pulls the emergency

break so we can have a full fucking music video for this girl inside this movie. Yep. wild wild time crush right four kids four kids only kids would be like

stuff's happening yay this is a bop-and-ass moment thank you yeah Chris take off you're treating this

with kid gloves on take off those gloves I think it's fine to have good kids movies that are just like not for me like it's like this clearly well this I mean there are good ones too

like I would say what's funny about Walkins' performance is it does feel very similar to what he was doing in Mouse Hunt, which I think is a very good kids movie. That's a good kids movie. Yeah. That's a movie an adult can see and actually appreciate it

on some level. This eye, I don't know what you're doing. I think parents could sit through this fine. I don't know. I do, I kind of do think they would be like, oh, whatever, I'm hearing what's... They have like the boomer soundtrack going, like, so you want to be a rock and roll

star shows up. They have a couple other tunes. And then you're stuck John Hyatt was made... And you know your kids are going to spin this more than once? Well, that's... I think they're trying to hit both markets. And of course, they were unsuccessful entirely because nobody saw this movie. But I do...

I think at least what they were aiming for is correct. They just didn't get the right audience. I mean, it's just like... I feel like it would be more of a success if you didn't have the D team for a lot of these... Because, like, Willie Nelson doesn't count. Willie Nelson doesn't play anything. appears in this like behind the music thing. This woman is here in the flesh

doing this song. The thing that I actually found kind of interesting at least about it, because Steve you said Josie and the Pussy Cats and Spice World, both of those movies phenomenally better than this. Oh my God, but what I liked about the comparison for especially Josie and the Pussy Cats,

this video is definitely what I'll call TRL accurate. Yes. You know what I mean? You could see this garbage video debuting at nine on TRA. Yeah. This is not beating freak on a leash. No, no, no, no, no.

It's not unseating corn. It's not unseating Brittany. None of that. But like, you'd give it a polite chance at the bottom. Oh, hey, friend better. This is my friend monkey. We're corn. I mean, wouldn't that be much better?

Why did you jam with us? Badoom chika boom. That'd be more fun if like they're, they're going to like go to Lollapalooza in this or something. Or the family values tour. Yes. No, seriously. Music's moved on from when we used to be as popular.

Gosh, what is a chocolate starfish anyway? Adidas, like the pants? Oh, no. All day you dream about what? Well, we're going to cover that, but we're going to say it's all day I dream about salmon because I'm a bear. Oh, yes. Well, Fred better. head everyone could enjoy that.

You know what's funny speaking of like coming in contact with like contemporaneous musicians or whatever? Disney wound up doing this kind of story much better just a few years ago when they had that electric mayhem show which was a show. It was a mini series about

the Dr. Teeth electric mayhem band from the Muppets and they had broken apart and like this human woman studio executive like wants to get them back together. So it's getting the band back together kind of deal, them trying to make a new record. And it is that like, wow, man, the modern sound so tripped out from when we were at the Muppet Theater.

How are we ever going to compete with new music? And, like, that's part of the thing. Well, because the Muppets were clever and they were actually, the electric teeth were part of a clever show from the 1970s, not just some fucking attraction. You needed to just get off your feet after eating a turkey leg. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to go on the run. We'll just go to, what's that, the bear one?

Dad needs to sit down Sit down Yeah Dad just needs to We'll do the whole President's Then the bear one It's so fucking hot out

It's so hot I guess I'll have to see The Country Bears Oh my God My thighs are on fire What's just the Country Bears Yeah Grandpa needs to I'm gonna have a heart attack

In the Country Bears Why do you sell alcohol here Oh my God Do you have oxygen At the Country Bear Hut I just need a little oxygen and then we'll go do the space mountains. They'll do that next.

They smartly knew this guy couldn't walk up to the ski chalet. No, keep that down. Is that, Ivan Hilbra? Peapaw left his tank back at the hotel room. I'm going to need a minute. What's this? Oh, perfect. Country bears, excellent.

Let's let it wash over you, Emily. Are you having a good time, sweetheart? Grandpa needs to relax. If you see Peepaw start to keel over, drag him out. He doesn't want his last moments to be in the country bears. You don't know. That had to happen. Statistically, I feel like it's been around long enough that someone died watching the country bears.

Absolutely. Today, we mourned peepaugh who died in a movie theater taking us to see the country bears. He saw it. He said, not again. Not again. And those were his last words on this earth. We had a dude die at our multiplex a little before our time, just a few years before. Yeah, it was a few years before I started working there.

an old-timer a fucking eight shit during a screening of X-Files Fight the Future. Oh shit. Was it because it was too scary?

I think because that movie was too fucking rocking, dude. Yeah. He was just blown away and died. You got a huge

erection looking at Jillian Anderson and that was the end of it. Fuck yeah, dude. That's how I might go. Not a bad movie to die too,

I'll say, you know? Oh, yeah. Emily, Princess, did you enjoy the Princess Pavilion?

Grandpa needs to sit down during the country birds. I shouldn't have cheese fries, sweetheart. That's

That's grandpa's phone. And baby, no, if you see the X-Files B's coming after you run, run, leave Pee Pah in the back. He will die for you. Oh, man. So, yeah, they're jamming or whatever, and then this fucking idiot ruins it by stage diving in an empty room. Pretty cool, dude. And they go, hey, man, want to come back in the country bears? He's like, well, sure, I don't have.

Again, like, it should be like, those sons of bitches owe me 20 grand. Like, something would be, yeah. You gotta be fucking kidding me. After the shit they pulled, I don't think so. You got a lot of nerve coming here. Zub-Zab fucked my wife. Whatever his name is. He knows what he did.

Zeb Zuber, that son of a bitch. And then I got it from her. He knows, he knows what I got. You're embarrassing it is being a bear going to a dog. telling them you got that. I don't even want to say out now, but yeah, I have beareria. Yeah, I do have bararea. It's all over.

I know the hair, it doesn't show so much, but underneath, it's itching. It's just itching every day. Classic BSTD, dude. So they're like, all right, cool. We got one guy down, but how are we going to get people to come to the show? Why not call Rip Holland? introducing the godfather's Alex Rocco as Rip Holland. This is the scene I laughed throughout.

That's it. Well, the wig is just so insane. And I think Alex Rocco's like, yeah, sure, I'll wear the wig, which I just love that about him. Yeah, you can make me look totally unhinged from reality. It's fine. I mean, I was genuinely, like,

this joke hit the, you have to leave the store, sir. Yeah. I was like, okay, that's good. That's really nice. Yeah, that's a funny joke. He's like thumbing through his calendar. acting like a big shot, he's not going to fit them in, but there's nothing there.

And then, yeah, you cut back and he's in like a staples. And he's being told to leave and he's packing up his desk. He picks up one thing and they're like, that's the stories or whatever. Oh, yeah. He is going. Well, they're like, oh, he ruined the country bears back of the day. How did he do that? We don't know.

But he's going to promote the show to save Country Bear Hall. Exactly. So we cut back to walk in. he's not thrilled by the prospect of this charity concert and he's incredulous, you know, they're not actually serious about this. And then the slow guy here is like, oh, well, actually they got Rip Holland to promote the concert,

don't you know? And he's like, oh, wow, Rip Holland, hey. And then like this guy, James Gammon's character sort of like gives up the plan. Like, yeah, we just got to raise the $20,000. Then they said we could tell that little weasel banker to, oh wait, you're the little weasel banker. Uh-oh.

Here in Southerners say little weasel bankers made me feel a little uncomfortable. Little bit of something on there, isn't it? That banker's a little New York for me. Exactly. Saying banker a lot, you know. That's code. I also, the, the Repalonger, I was trying to remember what reminds me of one of my favorite jokes in What Hot American Summer when in the middle of the movie,

it's revealed the radio announcer. It doesn't have any of the wires plugged in. Oh, the kid is just so, it's so fucking funny. Oh, man. God, it's been a while. I've got to go back to that. Maybe this summer it's the time. It's a good idea.

So we write up to Ray's Country Bunker. I mean, the Swarman Hive Honey Club. Sorry, this is another blues brothers-esque moment. But we go in here. They got like honey on tap is the deal here. It's a bear bar all right. Not the kind I'd like to be in But seriously, dude

Queen Latifah is behind the bar Just giving you all kinds of different You know you got your Sam Adams honey You got your Haina honey Hina honey There was nothing she wouldn't do Huh? Well this was interesting

Because this is Queen Latifah as Chacha And I believe this was also the same year She was Mama in Chicago Wasn't that also 2002? That sounds right This is the same year that Walkin is nominated for Academy Award for Catch Me if you can So a lot of that was going around.

Yes, absolutely. The Disney check was good. And you get to go to the park for free. Oh, it just takes one credit and they give you a little card. And it says, I was in a Disney movie, free vacation. Oh, you know what? I just need to get off my feet for a couple of minutes. I guess I'll, oh, no, it's the country bears.

I hate them. Any celebrity that would go to one of those parts, would they be ripped apart like Day of the Dead or something? The Cretans that go to these parts? But yeah, they are there. This is looking for Zeb Zuber. This is Stephen Root. And we meet him. He's like scratching his back against a wall.

Something I do constantly. Well, he's got the, it's coin operated. Oh, is that? Oh, I miss that little detail there. That's kind of cute. It helps with the honey shakes, I think. Yes. They say this degenerate is sleeping on Queen Latifah's floor.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just let me sleep on your floor and give me all the free honey I can drink. I'll clean your bathroom. It's a Barney-Gumble situation. It is. Yes.

Just a can of Schlitz honey, honey. Just a bad thing. Slits honey is a little slits honey to put me down. Oh, give me a can of P, B, H, Paps, Blue Honey. There's a market for it. So there bears, you know, those guys that get off at the, they, not they get off. I mean, get off of work at the goddamn car wash. They're probably hitting the honey bars.

Oh, big time, dude. But this bar is packed with humans just chugging honey, and that's what I want to see. I want to see at least one dude just like, oh, I love it here. And then it's just like chugging it? You know what I mean? And it's disgusting and it's like honey just like slowly, stickily dribbling down his chin. I don't know. I think a lot of humans would do that.

I wouldn't be surprised if at Disney parks at the country bear thing that you get all these families in there, just drinking honey. I won the country bears honey chug and all I got was this lousy. Yeah. Oh, princess, I shouldn't have done that. I needed to get off my feet, but now I'm having a heart attack because of the honey. Well, it looks like one way or another,

P-Paw was going to go today. Oh, Angela, sweetie, you just, P-Paw's eyes aren't working. Is that Christopher fucking walking right there? P-Paw is losing it. Is that Christopher walking? Oh, my God. Mr. Waka!

Uh-oh, that fat guy is looking at me. That fat guy. with honey all over his mouth. Now he's throwing honey up on me. That ancient man is dying over there. Is that normal? Is that

right? Is this part of the show the country bears presentation? The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist which detects an accident the moment it happens and even offers you emergency assistance at the tap of a button. Okay, but what if I

don't have an accident? Well, just Keep on, keeping on. Ballair Direct. Insurance, simplified. Conditions apply. So whatever, yeah, he needs to give up the honey and rejoin the band, they say. And so Chacha's like, well, he owes me $500 or some shit. So Haley Joel, barely Joe Osmond here, this Barry Barrington is like, all right, here's

a deal, Chachau, we'll make a bet. Your house band versus Zeb in the country bears, if he wins, the debt is cleared, and we get to take him on the road. But if he loses, you win our fucking tour bus and then keep all of us as honey slaves, I guess? Yeah, that's fair. So the house band is the stray cats, more or less. It's Brian Setzer and two other guys.

But I think these guys were actually playing in the Brian Setzer Orchestra orchestra at the time. But I see Brian Setzer and two other dudes. That's the stray cats to me, baby. So they play this tune. And this is just, it's a big old full-length musical number, is it not? I mean, at least it's Brian Setser and not like, I don't even know who, whatever fucking Gap employee they found for the first song.

Reverend Horton Heat. Yeah, that would be a step down. Yeah. But yeah, this is at least someone who is making me jump, drive and wail at some point. Yeah. The world's worst sidebirds. I assume that's for the movie.

That's not what he's wearing outside. That's his thing, dude. It's his thing. Oh, absolutely. That was his look. But it is, it's always awesome watching that, you'd play guitar, so this is kind of one of the best parts of the movie. And of course, wouldn't you know it, though, even though Brian Setser's got the axe,

the country bears win ownership of their friend. Well, yeah. And the best thing is, there's the end of Queen Latifah as Chacha, but later in the movie, at the end of the movie, because they're doing a bunch of talking head stuff, it's Queen Latifah as Queen Latifah. And I'm like, well, you can't do that movie because you just, she's a character. You can't do both. You can't exactly.

But, you know, Steve, one could argue both Chacha and Queen Latifah. Latifah are being played by Dana Owens. I see. They're both characters. So that, you know. Dude, this cut to walk in in his office where his head is back and his mouth is open, I was like, this character's dead.

Like, it cuts to Christopher Walk in and he's like, for like 10 seconds. I was like, what's going on here? Is this what he's doing? The destruction of Country Bear Hall? This is my favorite seat of the move. It's very funny. It's pretty good. to an off Bob Dylan song from Oh Mercy. I was like, what? Why? Why would you even do this? Because, Chris, I'll tell you, the offer they are, the cheaper they are.

Yeah, that's fair. It is Bob Dylan, right? It is Bob Dylan. Yeah, you can have a D-side man. That's fine. Whatever. They probably ask, like, hey, Mr. Dillon, would you like to do a talking kid? No, I would not. I would not. You can license everything is broken for $68,000. And we'd be the great movie called Masked and Anonomy. So what? Here, you know what, actually, I think I got Willie's number right here.

Let me get it for you. I learned everything I did from the country bears, actually. Wow. 1950 in the East Village, Zeb Zuber was doing blow in the band. They were the first ones to tell me to go electric. And I followed that right through, you know. See, and I guess that's why you don't have a Dylan or somebody like Dylan in that way. Because then you'd have to have, yeah, like bears and black berets and sunglasses.

in some old East Village fucking, you know, coffee shop or whatever. He's not, you have to have dudes like Willie. But I guess, no, that doesn't make any sense because then, well, no, because later when Queen Latif and Exhibit are both talking, it's a weird, like, one of the country bears, at least, or all of them pulled a fucking Didi Ramon and made a hip hop album at some point because exhibits like, oh, yeah, we sampled whatever and the country bears suit us, but you see them like, there's one, like, fake music video where they have. have made some sort of hip hop album

at the end. Yeah, it's just awful. I would. But if there is what I think I certainly would like is more of like bear bands through the ages, you know, the punk scene, you get Black Bear. And that's a great one. And a gang bear

for the hip hop, you know, that's a good one. It's easy enough. Metallibre. You know, these are fun. Right. Easy peasy. Yeah, it's sort of like pseudo, you know, like post-punk kind of late 70s. deal the talking bears, like, you know.

Gang of bear. Gang of bear, yeah. Grizzly bear. American bear. Panda bear. This sounds like fucking Faris Gump with the shrimp. Country bear hall is destroyed. Oh, no.

That's so funny. Dropping an anvil, like a literal cartoon character, is a really great gag. Also, he's got no pants on. It's great. You know, it's, you don't even need a reason because it's just he's that, he's that man in his own office. Sure. You know, if he wants his pants off, so be it.

But the cops come to country bear hall at this point. And I did kind of appreciate the gag where Diedrich Bader knows the kind of grass that this bear has planted on the lawn. And the bear's very impressed that he knows what type of grass it is or whatever. And then he's got this gag. Like, the cops are like, oh, you're going to be here later? And he's like, I'll be here. or over there or sometimes I'm over there by that tree

which to me that felt like a very good old school Muppets joke which I know they didn't have a handle in writing this they did do the puppeteering and whatever but I just kind of like that I'll be over there sometimes I'm by that tree I guess but everybody is rejoining the band we got to go get Tennessee

O'Neill and wouldn't you know it he gave up music to be a marriage counselor And that's, you know, he's like a big, this is Toby Huss. He like cries all the time, you know. Trixie! Yeah, he's still not over. Yeah, he's wearing a Cosby sweater when he's introduced. Yeah.

Yes. And it's whatever. It's whatever. It sure is. I mean, he just makes them feel, he makes couples feel better for their situation because they're not him. They're not screaming in their office. Trixie, Trixie, Trixie. Where did my poor Trixie hippie?

girl go. Yes. Yeah. And that, you know, that is kind of a funny thing. A couple of leaves and they're like, that guy's got problems. Well, we're better. Right? Yeah. Okay. He's got a 100% success rate because he's a pathetic crybaby, I think is the idea. And this is when they take him to the diner because he's like, I'll join the band, but I need to have my trick she with me. And this is like almost a problem. And then yes, whatever this late is it page something or other? Jennifer Page. Jennifer Page. as waitress. It's just like, oh, I love the country Bears. That reminds me of a song.

And everybody like in the diner is just doing it and we're like, again, it's a heightened reality thing. Like the boots are moving around, you know. Yes, it's a big, it is a big time fantastical music number in that way. I will say, Steve, if you compared the last one to a Gap commercial, this is like a fucking

Marshall's commercial. It's a target commercial. It is a lower grade of store. I got an old Navy 5 from certain parts of it. But yeah, of course, because like these country bears are so influential that these

two women who are both nothing but bubble gum pop sound are like, oh my God, the country bears is such a huge influence on me. Let's do this song because you guys inspired me. And then it sounds nothing like a country bear song at all. The whole diners into it though or whatever.

And while this is going on, we do see there's a news report that is basically like the country bears have kidnapped this child bear. And again, the fact that, like, this is making the news, sentient fucking bears are just, like, they're integrated into society, man. I don't know what to tell you.

They're, like, keep an eye out at the fucking gas stations or wherever the car washes, wherever these bears are working. I mean, they're probably crossing state lines doing all this stuff. It should be bumped up to the FBI, which could be, like, the federal bear investigations. Oh, exactly.

And then you can have that bear from the Muppets who's always playing a security guard, whatever that guy's name is. These are bear, this is bear trafficking at this point if you're moving across straight lines. I do. I kind of want to cut to Alex Rocco and just being like, I'm not touching any, I'm not promoting that show. Oh my God. Oh, yikes. Not on your life country, biz. Honestly, you could get Mulder and Scully on this. There's talking bears.

They're kidnapping. That's the thing. You see a lot of, you see a few other adult bears, but you don't any see other berry size bears. Those are not anywhere to be found. You're right, you're right. The cops walk into the diner, so the bears all scram. And this is a weird, speaking of fucking child trafficking man, Chill Mitchell looks out the window

and he sees like little Barry Barrington talking to this full-grown adult waitress and she's like helping him get on this bus and he's like, I'm pretty sure that's our guy back there. This turns into a bear high-speed chase that gets us to, yes, the

Car Wash. We got to MC Ganey as this roadie is just like, we're going to play the old game hide in the car wash. And you know what? I'll give you $10,000 if you're getting a tour bus into a drive-through car wash like this. I don't think so. This is just a grand

Threatft Auto thing where you go into the car wash or whatever. Yeah. And then you're done. You don't have cops. You're right that the movie about the singing Baraband stretches reality just a little bit. On the car wash front. I'm sorry I didn't like it. It's okay, Eric, I forgive you. And the two dumb cops, they open their windows to see what's going on and get sucked into the car wash.

And this is, it's your like home aloney kind of thing, but you kind of need more. Somebody needs an actual anvil to fall in their head kind of a thing. I feel like we've seen this exact scene before in some other movie where like guys get bad guys get trapped in the car wash. They get the hot wax. They get blown on the whole thing. I do like Diedrich Bader with his fake mustache falling off. though, that's kind of a funny little gag. And his hair at the end

with all the way back like that, I laughed very hard at that one. That's pretty good. And Chill Mitchell's just got this huge fro, which is great. I gotta say this, though. Let's get a moratorium on this, shall we? Enough with the on the nose. We're playing the fucking working at the car wash song

when we got car wash scenes in movies. It's got to stop. It's really got to stop. It worked for the movie Car Wash. And we should have left it at that. You just remind, you know where this was from? Camp nowhere. Oh, really?

Oh, right, yes. Oh, we got kids going in the car wash? There's kids going to car. They're trying to get Christopher Lloyd, and then he is, what's his name from back to the future, is chasing them? No, the other fifth. Thomas Wilson? Oh, really? Thomas Wilson is chasing him.

Oh, okay. And he's like a ranger. I don't think he's a cop. I think he's a ranger. And they go into the car. wash and he gets lost. Ugh. Well, I won't be rewatching that

anytime. No, you should. You absolutely should not. So they wind up at the shitty motel where wouldn't you know it, Trixie's like the lounge act and what I can only imagine is one of the best worst ballers in America.

And nobody's paying attention to her. Like, that's the whole joke. It's like, oh, that's sad. And then like, he's like, oh, Crixie. And then she starts, she turns into Bonnie Raid all of a sudden. and starts singing this duet. And the Don Henley, like,

you can't look at this and not laugh. And I don't know if it's supposed to be funny. I think it's supposed to be sweet, but these enormous bear puppets sounding like Don Henley and Bonnie Raid is to be at least humorous and kind of insane. What's funny, I think, about it.

And as I said, John Hyatt did all the, a lot of the songs, not all the songs for the Bears. They're very sincere. It's not a goofy song. Like, kick it into gear is kind of the only, like, goofy song that is attributed to them. And the rest of them are, like, it's very much like, you know, I love you and I want to find love and all that. And like, that's straight from the heart.

Yeah. Parry that with talking animals who, like, have to put a quarter in to get a back scratch. It is a weird tone. I will give you that for 100%. And this is not a jamboree. This is nowhere near a jamboree. No, it's not at all. This is a love duet.

And like the whole thing, the weirdness of it and like the gross sincerity is exacerbated by them cutting to the bar. And there is actual Bonnie Rate and actual Don Henley watching them. Yes. And she goes, they were great. They were always great. And then he has to step in and go, yeah, better than the Eagles. Yeah, you know what? Fucking fuck you.

You know why, Don Henley? Because everything is better than the Eagles. That's why. The country bears are better than the Eagles. God damn it. The biscuit. The biscuit was ten times the band that fucking Eagles were.

Are you kidding me here? Oh, man. Well, yeah, so they sing and wouldn't you know it? That's it. She's in. So we got her. There's a moment where they're watching

a country bears cartoon from what seems to be like the Hannah Barbera like 70s kind of a thing. Right. And it's just the four of them and one of them says, bear power. And then they go, that was bad. And I'm like, what is the joke there aside from like, we paid to have this animated so we're going to use it. Kind of like you need to write a joke about it.

Like, oh, man, I never saw royalties on that or like. Yeah. My ass looks huge. You know what it? Like something. Yeah. I mean, it is very funny having them just yell bare power like that. And then they're all kind of uncomfortable with that after the fact.

Yeah. Bear supremacists, right? But something about like, I never wanted to do that in the first place. I thought the script was weak from the episode one or whatever. Instead of green room, brown rooms, like brown bears, there are skinheads. You're going to get your laces tonight, bear.

So we roll up to Ted Betterhead's estate here, and the joke at first is like, oh, wow, like, yeah, he's so rich and whatever he's got this estate. No, there's his gardener, played by Elton John. Well, this is how. I thought that we were going to,

going to go, like, he was going to be the Robbie Robertson of the country bears. You know what I mean? He just took all the money and like everybody hated his fucking guts. You know what I mean? Like that's the Ted Betterhead story that I'd kind of rather. Like he's maybe the bad guy and then he has to really like come back to the fold kind of a thing. Like the rest of the like, the one bear should, or bear should be like, now we got to go

get Ted. And then the rest of them are like, we don't need Ted to do this. Who wants to talk to that son of a bitch anymore? Yeah, that sister fucker ain't no good. or like whatever it is, you know. All he does is play Rolling Stone songs for Martin Scorsese. That guy's full of shit, man. Man, and on the last tour, too, he was so up in his own head,

he didn't even realize we turned his goddamn microphone off. He thought he was singing the whole time, man. He wasn't singing shit because he fucking sucked at it. Look, I don't, you know, I don't appreciate most of his music, but that soundtrack he did to Killers of the Flower Moon. That was hell. of a record. I did not enjoy the gag of Becca.

I looked a lot like Elton John. It's just like, because you're explaining it for people who don't know who Elton John is, which is the children who don't know who Elton John is anyway, unless you followed it up with the guy who sang the Lion King song. So that's just for the adults who already know that it's fucking Elton John. Well, I mean, the Don Henley just takes the cake there in that regard. No, I guess you're right, you're right, you're right. Also, though, Elton John, another dude who worked quite well with the Muppets as a matter of fact.

So it's a good episode of the Muppets show to check out. But, yeah, so we got him. Oh, he's not home. So we got to go find him. He's at the country club for the wedding, we're told. Oh, okay. The bears are in high society. This is almost something.

You know what I mean? It's almost a scene. Well, you think. He should be marrying like a huge. woman. That's, I thought we were going to get something like that. That's what, that's what they're setting up for sure. I mean, the, the rough hole is that he is fronting a, a wedding band for just some, I guess,

two white people who are getting married, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Right. But like the bears think that he's actually a rich guy at first. And it's sort of being presented as that because he's like, what are you doing here? Get out of here. But I guess because he doesn't want to have the gig blown. But like, you could have extended this, you know, speaking of blues brothers, like that scene.

throwing the shrimp into his brother's mouth and all that. You could have them be fucking bears, be fucking pigs. Hey, how much for your women? Yeah, the girls. How much for the girls? Sell us your women. Throwing shrimp. Instead of shrimp, he's throwing whole fish in his mouth.

Well, that's the thing is that there's a moment in the middle, in the diner when they're like, oh, wow, let's order some salmon fingers or something like that. That's at least a fucking bear joke. More of that, please. You know, like, there is a moment. moment here where, and again, bears fully integrated into society or else this place would be screaming at the top of their lungs, right? They're not. So, like, that tells you this is all normal in this world.

Two bears, like, sit down in betwixt this old lady. Yeah. And it's like buffet style for the reception or whatever. And I do like, the one bear just sits down and it's a huge fucking fish just plopped down on his plate. And I was like, yeah, that's how a bear would eat at a wedding buffet. He would take the whole thing back to his table. Yeah.

But yeah, so Ted Betterhead turns out he's in a wedding band. He's not rich. He's not getting married. And they're trying to be like, hey, man, we're getting the band back together. He doesn't want to do it. You're family and you're going. And now here, folks, is one of the most unintentionally funny parts of this movie where you see one human being in a bare animatronic costume kind of like punch another one in the face. Yes.

And then that human adult dressed in an animatronic. on a bar costume you see falls back into a plate of food. Yeah. The wedding fight and you just see this guy in a suit falling backwards, hysterical to me. And then like Barry is like, you know, over the side of the road. Again, like there's almost dramatics where he's like, I was the one who, this is Dieterick Bader as the voice of. Oh, right.

Yes. I was the one who kept us all together. You guys never, you were always off drinking honey and like stare at into space or crying about something. I guess that's I guess that's the reason they broke up right in time for the final 15 minutes of the movie man sure

And he's in there In People magazine in 1983 You said you were a family Oh that was just publicity And then it's kind This is the part that made me laugh Which probably shouldn't have Where Barry is just like

Family That reminds me And then he just turns around And he wadles this fat ass down the road Like dude And he just runs for like miles It's quite funny This bear child Forrest Gump's it back home

Because may I remind you folks at home He took a greyhound bust to that fucking auditorium Okay, come on now Maybe just for this he gets down on all fours and really chugged Yeah, that's cool They just got the footage of a bear run Somehow they got a hoodie on it But though if you do that

Then Anthony Hopkins is going to spear you with Alec Baldwin Oh shit Get over here, Barry Did you fuck my wife Barry? Back at the home, because the cops are convinced this is now like a hostage situation or whatever, they, uh, Chill Mitchell and Diedrich Bader's characters are setting up like a table. Like we're looking like we're going to do like a hostage negotiation phone call thing. And I got to tell you, the biggest crime of this movie, like any movie that he's in where he's not on screen the entire time, there's not enough tobo in this movie.

No. And I feel this is incredibly insulting right here especially because it's the two of them. They're setting everything up. And they're talking to each other. And Tobo is in the background, like, fiddling with a phone cord or something. And the second you get, like, full Tobo in the shot, it just cuts away. And I was like, I know my man had some scenes. Like, he had some dialogue lines right there.

And we just cut it right out. And I was like, you are cutting gold out of your movie. Honestly, take us to 90 minutes. Do it. I don't care. If I got a little more Tobolowski, I would be very happy. Exactly. So, yeah, Barry runs home like four.

Mama, I'm home now. The mom's baking some pies here. I don't know if we learn it at any point before this, but because she screams out for Tobo in this moment that Barry's home. Dude, Tobos' name of this movie is Norbert. Sure, that's cute. Dude, a third act Norbert reveal. I don't know about that.

The kid, Dex, who's been kind of the bad guy, is, you know, wow, you bet the country bears, I guess that's kind of cool or something, you know. Yeah, because he's been shitty to him the whole time. There is some throwaway scene where Barry calls home and the kid picks up the phone. And he's like, it's actually kind of sad because he's like, don't worry about it, Dex. I'm never coming back. You can have my game boy.

I'll never see you again. It's fine. This kid's like, don't hang up the phone. They're going to kill me, Barry. My parents are going to kill me if you don't go home. Exactly. Oh, another movie, this movie is at least inspired by his almost famous because this is when Ted comes and he basically does the, how about that? interview scene. You know what I mean?

Yes, you're totally right. He comes to the house because he has read Fred reads Barry's essay that he wrote about the country bears on the bus. And, you know, he says like, together, you know, they're just these bears, but what they can do together makes them my heroes. And then this is, that's what inspires

them. But yeah, the bus pulls up. I mean, yeah, this is super almost famous. Meanwhile, I am a golden god. I am. I a golden god this bear just jumping into a swimming pool there should be like a penny lane character that they're passing around oh definitely Barry has to help her and she's in like an apartment kind of situation took to it what did you take what did you take that's what it would be though right if you wanted to kick this movie up to a possible PG the penny lane character is a human woman yes yeah definitely named honey lane yeah yeah dude the honey lane is like what you

you think her inner thigh would be, you know, that's sort of a reference to that, I think. That would be a good dialogue. What do I like about River Trout to start? Everything. Oh, a sudden to Led Zeppelin kicks in. Quick shot here to walk in, ready to bulldoze this theater.

And the guy who's like the Mr. bulldozer dude. Yeah. Did you catch this dude? He's the guy from Seinfeld, who's the limo driver during the lip reader episode. And also his demolition truck says slambonny demolition. Oh, yeah. The slambonny brothers are going to get you.

By God, it's the slambonny brother. I don't know. I didn't check. I think this guy was a regular I'm married with children. The face is very familiar. That would surprise me. That sounds like that. Mattala, huh?

What? No, ma'am. I don't think Mr. Tom Hanks would appreciate what you did today. But yeah, so they're going to do it and he's like, you're going to have to perform with us. And when they leave, we realize that Christopher Walken stole this movie and he has kidnapped the rest of the country bears and stolen the tour bus. Yeah, that's, you need to show me something.

Anything there. Because, like, they go outside, they open the front door and MC Ganey's standing there. Hey, the bus got stolen. And I was like, well, what the fuck were you doing, chicken fucker? I was fucking a chicken. That's all you can say. I was indisposed, man. Me and my wife were having a moment.

Me and my wife, Mr. Chicken. Me and Mr. Chicken do not get a lot of time alone together on these bus trips, okay? We have to take the time we get. So, yeah, walking has kidnapped them all. We got Tobo. Tobo finally gets something to do here. He's got a little bit of an action sequence, get everybody in the van to chase after them because there's a tracking device somewhere along the way. Oh, right.

That was his Barry's birth certificate. Yes. This Ranger equipment from when he got tagged. Oh, yes. So there's a tracker left behind in his belongings or whatever. So now they could track the bus because the tracker was left on the bus. Right. Yeah.

So we're riding around. We have trouble getting the bear in the car. car is the deal. There is a funny gag where he's definitely just tied to the roof of the car like a hunting trophy and Tobos to be like, oh, that's just all wrong. No, no, no. So the idea that Tobo comes up

with is he's going to hook his car up to a trailer that his boat is on and this bear is going to sit in the back of this boat. Kind of reminding me when Kramer's in the back of the fire truck a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. But yeah, we're chasing them around or whatever and this is like the bear, like at one point

is hanging, like he almost gets decapitated at one point, like we're driving all sort of crazy or whatever. Meanwhile, yeah, Waukin has them all in this cage. He's got this like bandalero with like darts on it, which was kind of neat. Yeah, because I guess the bullets would be too extreme. So we have to make sure these are trank darts.

The bears are not in mortal danger. I'm going to shoot a bear in the head. And he's just going to take a gentle nap. I mean, you know, that's another good question. Does hunting exist in this world? Great question. Are there regular bears that aren't standing up and playing music? Right. I think if you, if you kill one that's a music player, dude, that's like, uh-oh, that's murder one. I mean, that's like, you know what I mean? You just, you take his clothes off real fast.

Get that guitar away from his body, ASAP. Also take him out of that music venue he was playing. Throw him in the forest somewhere. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. So he was, you, you, Mr. Rogers, you say that you contend that he was, not a music playing bear? That's interesting. That's interesting. I had a guitar pick about three feet away from his corpse. Well, you know, there's always the hippies in the woods, you know, camping. Oh, and an Illinois driver's license for a bear.

Interesting that a bear in the woods would have this, Mr. Rogerson. You didn't expect us to check the BDMV, did you? And actually, we did a CSI. actually found Charmin toilet paper stuck with that bear's asshole. So clearly he was a bear that could talk and walk around and would wipe his own ass like a real bear. Sir, this is a house trained bear, clearly. We have not talked about the Charmin Bears. My God, this whole episode would be remiss.

Thank you for not for, I mean, thank you for bringing it up, Steve. Sure, of course. Because now listeners overseas might not know this, but like in the United States, we market toilet paper by showing you cartoon bears jamming wads of paper in their ass. huge wads definitely you cannot go in america you cannot go a day without a bear cartoon bear reminding you that he just took a massive shit and it's messy and all day long cartoon bear is telling you about how to take a shit and then also the rest of the commercials are cartoon bears telling me to ask my doctor about this new drug that's coming out what do you Eric what do you want do you want to be wandering at the woods and you just go and you look at a beautiful tree and you look down at the very bottom there's just a bunch of bear shit all dragged all over the fucking tree bar.

I don't want that. If they need the paper, take the paper. No, no, none for them. Can't spare square. Sorry. The big reveal here because walking suddenly is like, I've been waiting decades to get you

country bears. And it turns out he is actually Benny Bonswagel, the armpit farter kid that they fucked over in some talent show back in the 1970s or something. They just beat him. He just, he just came in second. Fuck this guy.

Like he just, like, you just didn't do it, buddy. Fuck you. Like, you're getting a record deal with this shit too, you hacked. Did we say that when the, like, Tobos driving the minivan and there's the boat and it flies through, did we mention that? No, because it's about to happen. We're right there. Yeah. He's basically

explaining, he's like doing the big parlor scene. And again, like, of course it's this, because it was the only extraneous detail in the movie was like, It's this other, like everything else has been, every other piece of the buffalo has been used except for this, this point. Accounted for, yeah.

So, yeah, I was that kid from the first act. And he's like, well, you'll miss your concert because I'm locking you in a cage. There it is, yeah, they get locked up. And the other thing, too, is the movie knows you're not going to remember the name Benny Bonswagel because who could give a shit. So you have Hollywood legend, Christopher Wacken,

debasing himself by doing armpit fart things and it's like he armpit farts a song like he's on America's Got Talent Gross But yeah so he leaves and he's just There is a great walk and delivery of I'm going to get revenge

Tonight Which is really good But yeah Tobo's driving erratically He crashes this car And the boat shoots off the trailer And it like fucking John Wood guest directed this scene Yeah

It smashes through this window and like it is kind of a funny gag if it's skating through this warehouse they're like oh my god it's going to crash into us and the nose of the boat is just kind of like boop against like the cage door and it falls down it's funny

not not bad but we got everybody runs out with a fucking bear power chant that nobody loves again and this is we get dude cute some grand funk right here because we are an American bear band

yeah you should do that. Have somebody. Bear. Yeah. Exactly. And then it cuts to Elton John singing this other song, Friends, while there's a montage, again, very almost famous for taking Polaroids on the bus and sharing them around

and having a big laugh about that. You are home, Barry. You are home. Puts his claws over his face and rips it right off. Dude, I would trade Barry for a six pack of beer. That's for goddamn Oh, yeah, dude.

I would definitely do the J.D. Vance Gamble with that. Sell that fucker. So, yeah, speaking of home, though, we arrive at Country Bear Hall. And, uh-oh, nobody's there. We go in and, oh, shit. Christopher Walken has fucking ruined everything. Because he's paid off Alex Rocco here. I feel like you have to do one or the other.

You need to do the cage thing with Walken or I've, oh, I've been secretly not promoting you a shit. show, sorry bears. That's something. To do both is a bit much, I think. At this point, these bears should just maul him, by the way. And Alex Rocco's like,

it's just business. And I'm like, who are you? Were you in this movie? I don't think so. It would be kind of funny if one of Christopher Walken's fucking dark guns went off and it shot Alex Rocco in the glasses. I'd enjoy that. But yeah, uh-oh, big Al's

Oh, there's definitely going to be a concert. I just didn't want anybody driving on the lawn, so I made him park round back. And then like a TRL studio audience runs into this old theater here. And they're all so excited. Yes. And this is super excited, dude. This is when Christopher walking because he gets,

he's in the throng of the people, and he's getting pushed out because there's so many people. He goes, okay, this isn't over. Bears! Yeah. On his way out, which is kind of great. Yelling Bears is really fantastic. I cannot wait to see the secret.

well where he tries to get him again. I got to tell you, man, there's no way. I see, I see this cash basket here that they've been taking admission with. There's not $20,000. You're still losing this theater to the tax man in the morning, dude. Yeah, sad ending, you know?

Ted Betterhead should take his life or someone. Something at the end of this. I knew the rafters in this auditorium would be good for something. Look, I just think this is the best place to put Disney's first suicide on screen. I think it's just a place to do it.

In the country bears. Kids need to learn. You know, I signed on for three country bear movies, even though they didn't produce them. That should be at least three park visits, I believe. Sir, this is just the ticket counter at Disney World. Yeah, but I should also get Animal Kingdom privileges. I assure you, the coupon is still good.

I spend. two months with those bears. That's too many bears for one visit. Come on. There's a tiger in the animal kingdom I really want to see. He's supposed to be pretty cool. Bears!

I want to fling my feces with the monkeys, the beautiful monkeys. Who wouldn't want to throw shit with a monkey? So Barry is like, all right, well, I'll see you guys later. And they're like, where are you going, kid? We own you now. You're a lifer. You're with us forever.

You're one of us now. You better start believing in being in a bear band. You're in one. You're about to find out why we're called Betterhead. Oh, yes. You want to be a part of the family, don't you there, Barry? Hold me closer, tiny dance. We're just going to call this the new country bears,

like the new queen with Adam Lambert. We're just going to get a little younger guy in here to sing the tracks for us. Yeah, it's the same thing And yes, he's definitely talented But it also kind of sucks You deal with it But yeah So Barry is made an official member

We're going to play some tunes here The family's going crazy of course That's no little bear That's my brother Yeah That guy who's like Hey that little bear up there is pretty cool Like he should be like

You're what? What's your mother like? What the fuck? Dude, speaking of fucking mothers, though, there's all these sexy ladies in the front row of this shit. Like, what are we doing here, man? I don't know. They're auditioning to be Honey Lane. You know what they're doing afterwards, that's for sure.

Well, it's not, I don't think it's here where it's, I think it's during. It's not here where the bears have sex with a human woman. No, not yet. Not yet. No, it's, I'm thinking of the crowd. It is here, I think. they're like really rocking at one point. You see a woman on a man's shoulders.

This lady looks like she's ready to take her tits out. I was like, what is going on to this country bears concert? Come on now. She wants to get mauled. I got mauled at the country bear show. I got this lousy t-shirt and scars for life. Really debasing, though, not great. You got Tobo having to go, you de man, you de man, you de man, you de man at a bear band.

Oh, I mean, he loved these concerts. in the fucking 90s and odds though. Oh, sure, man. That guy loves working. Absolutely. And it just, it ends with them like playing another song. There's literally no like reconciliation or thanks for everything or none of that. We just cut to credits, which is fine.

Everybody's happy. Here comes, you know, Queen Latifah an exhibit telling you how much the country bears meant to them. Yeah, that's about it. The first guy hilariously is Don was who is a very famous. music producer. He was the president of Blue Note Records for a while, but I know him most because in the last like 10, 15 years

of his life here, he was playing bass for Bobby Weir and Bobby Weir and Wolf Bros. This guy Don Was, who's just talking about, oh, the country bears typified rock and roll. I'm like, dude, come on, Don Was. What are you doing? Don Was, that's a great name. Like, became great on a tombstone. Yeah. Just that. Yeah, totally.

Yeah, I'm going to get Eric Sisko Was on mine. Hell yeah. That's a good one. But yeah, you also got Wyclef in here for sure. Yeah, just this whole behind the music shit or whatever. But yeah, they did try hip hop, and this is where exhibit's like, oh, yeah, we sampled some country bears things for whatever record. We got sued by them.

And I was Zeb and Willie Nelson. Oh, we opened up a can of honey on the roof of the White House. Which is, of course, referencing Willie, of course, famously supposedly smoked a Jay with Jimmy Carter on the roof of the White House. That rocks. Good job, Jim. These guys were fat long before they came with a pH. Somebody has in there. Sure, that's something.

And then this is, dude, this weird, it's a blooper, but they fucking left it. And the last line of this movie is Elton John going, well, I always hated Baz, to which someone screams in the background, I knew it. And then everyone starts laughing and it cuts to black. Because who cares? They know everyone's gone by now. But it's just amazing that this children's film ends on Elton John, kind of making a gay joke. Well, it also ends on just this deleted scene of the car wash where Deidric Bader is just explaining why he has a fake mustache.

And it's like, oh, this was the thing that Eric was saying is at the very end. Yes. Yeah, you needed that. You need it for the context of why he is a fake mustache, which is what's the reason, though. Yeah. Everybody else has one. He doesn't even say, like, I can't grow it. He's like, well, everyone, you got one and the receptionist and the stations got one and blah, blah.

He just says he's going to keep wearing it. And that's that now, now the movie's actually old. Oh, well, that's good. That's good. Because again, like, they need to be at the concert and then they're like, arrest those bears. And everyone's like, no.

And they're like, well, I guess, whoa. Exactly. And then, like, pudding falls on them or something. Or do the Blues Brothers type of thing where it's like they escape through a, through a tunnel or something. And they get the money and they get to the bank, you know. You need Diedrich Bader ordering three honey whips, by the way. Honeywits.

Three honeywips. Oh man, that is the end of this movie. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts on this. The first listener requested movie of the month. Steve Sadek. Yeah, this is awful. I really, I did feel like I just like the, you know the Mandela effect?

I felt like I was on the other side of it watching this movie. You could have sworn you were in a world that didn't have this movie? Or that you were in a South African prison for years? Because it's so true when I watched this. That's. That's it. Eric Siska, have final thoughts and recommendations from you.

Awful. I don't, man, I feel like this is one of the worst we've ever done. Just sitting through this was a chore. I know it's short. And it's just one thing after another that wasn't for me. I understand kids love this beloved film. And, you know,

it's okay to like a movie. Just not my cup of tea. There you go. Christopher Cab. I mean, it is a, if you are a parent, I would say, watch us with your kids. I think they're going to have a fun time. I think about this in comparison to other kids' movies we've done. I would watch this happily over any Shrek.

Throw any Shrek at me, I'll take this. Any Garfield you got for me, I'll take this. I see Garfield and cats and dogs maybe. How about Warriors of Virtue? I'd take that over there. I don't even remember that movie. Like to me, this at least is doing the things I want a kid's movie to do. There are actual fucking light hitting them animatronics.

It's not a fucking cartoon, CGI thing. There's funny people doing funny little bits. Are they the funniest things I've heard? Of course not. But there are enough for me with my kid to be like, okay, that's fun. And then I move on with my day. I watch any minute of Shrek and I'm just like, the donkey fuck the dragon. And like, I don't want that.

I don't want, like, the thing you're saying with like, oh, maybe the fucking bear fucked a woman. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want just a normal little kids movie where there's a couple of jokes, fucking stupid animals are doing some stupid things. This is not a movie I would ever go back to, of course.

But, like, as for this, I think it's pretty harmless, and I think it gets its job done. I would say I wouldn't recommend this. And I'd also say, while I completely understand Chris's take on this, what I would volley back as a warning for you parents out there, because you have to keep in mind now, what we haven't really talked about because, like, they're not good and forgettable.

There are songs in this movie that your children then may want to listen on repeat for weeks on end, like what happens a lot with the bopin' ass tunes in kids' movies and whatnot. So, like, keep that in mind. if you have a kid who gets stuck on like some earworm tunes and whatever and you don't want to listen to abhorrent pop country garbage, you may want to steer clear of this because you may be listening to whatever jug band horseshit 60 times in a row on a road trip. And that might might encourage you to drive off the road. I will also say Peter Hastings, who directed this movie, had no directorial efforts until last year when I think it's very funny. He directed, so he directed this movie about a world where bears are just anthropomorphic and it's fine.

This dude came out of directorial retirement to direct that dogman movie last year. Nice. Oh, really? Where a sentient dog person is made. Again, well, way more disturbing, but like, again, a pretty good kids movie. A well-done kids movie. I can't really argue with that. I did hear good things about that movie, though.

Really? But, I mean, isn't that distracting? like Pete Davidson and known Philanderer. My kids getting influenced by his... Yeah. I just think it's funny that this dude directed a movie with Talking Bears and then he directed a Talk and Talking Cat movie. It doesn't matter. Anyway, that is the end

of this movie. I will never be watching it again. Sure. The bits and pieces back from the projection booth in 2002 and today were more than enough. But if you want more We Hate Movies, including episodes like this, absolutely commercial free, head over to that Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies where, yes, most of what we're doing this month is a listener and patron supporter selected.

So if you were listening to this on the day that it comes out, which is the third of March, a Tuesday, just a few short days from now. On Thursday the 5th, we are dropping the listener requested, patron supported, requested. We Love Movies episode on Kevin Smith's Clerks, which was a wild episode, long time common. It was kind of the perfect way for us to talk about Kevin Smith, almost in his entire filmography presence. baked into this movie. It's a really great conversation. And also very hilarious and fun revisiting. So we got that going on next week, Chris Cabin, the road to Melrode 210 is paved and stolen babies and whatnot. But we are doing a two-parter Melrose Place Only episode again

is the deal. So if it's two parts, does I mean two babies get kidnapped? Like how many babies are going to kidnap in that two-part? I guess we'll have to wait and see. I do think we haven't done, we haven't laid that one down yet. But I do believe. believe we are we are hunting down mary poppins i assume that is good but we are getting you know get your guns up we're going to go find mary poppins she just stole the baby that is right uh also this month we have uh so that is of course not listener uh requested there we go in order on mailro tuna but steve on animation damnation we got a real weird one coming up but we have not recorded yet but fair to say we will be out of our element yes with delicious in dungeon i don't know

what this is it seems like an anime show It was on Netflix. I don't know if it was ported there or if it started there. We're going to find out a lot about dungeons, hopefully, and maybe dragons, possibly. Who knows? Hey, I love that. So we will see what's going on there. That same week, which is the week of the 16th, so the 19th, that AD comes out.

The 20th, Eric Siska. The listeners supported Gleap Glop Glossary request is who? That's right. It's 10 Garnit, the Death Star Gunner. You could make the argument. This guy maybe killed the most people in Star Wars. he's the guy that pulled the trigger on Alderon. So more on that there.

Yes, and then we will also have, of course, the 26th of this month. We're dropping a Patreon-supported requested nexus episode. We are doing an episode of DS9, where we are basically, the analogy is sort of like, I suspect that that old Cardassian is actually an old, like Nazi war criminal kind of deal.

So Kira's like, that guy looks like a war criminal, but he's pretending to just, be this humble old Cardassian guy. So that's going on on one episode. And then we have a TNG requested, the one where Picard, I believe this is the one where Picard wakes up on a planet

and everyone knows him to be this other guy and he's lived on this planet his whole life and he actually is really happy there. This is one where you get the big flute at the end. That's been sort of meme to death. You've seen Patrick Stewart playing a little flute. It's from this episode. So that one's, it's a really, really sort of fan favorite TNG.

So that'll be fun to address. So that's all. the Patreon stuff, but like this episode on the country bears, all the WHMs have been listener requested at as well. Steve Saneck, where are we going next week? We're going to space with James

Spader and Supernova. Yeah. A Walter Hill, Alan Smithy deal, which I've never seen, but it's supposed to be a wild one. I remember this being like truly incoherent.

Like there we go. Nothing. Nothing connecting, but I'm happy to be revisit it. Hell yeah. I've never seen it, so I'm very excited as well. Angela Bassett, I believe, is also... Yes, it's Angela Bassett as well. Yeah, this was, I remember passing by the VHS cover

at the store a thousand times and never renting it. It's not Red Planet. It's not Red Planet, nor is it Mission to Mars. It is Supernova. Remember that. Mission to Mars, which was also based off of a fucking Disney exhibition, by the way. That's true. Well, there's a good one. There's a really good one right there.

Yeah. But so until next week, when we're talking James Spader in Supernova. I've been Andrew Juppin. Steven Zadak. Eric Sis Skabin. Take it easy.