We Hate Movies - S16 Ep851: Supernova (2000)

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

“It was only a matter of time before we drew this out of a hat…” - Andrew On this week’s episode, Listener Request Month heads to deep space as we talk about the legendary sci-fi failure, Supernova! How many Academy Award-nominees does it take to fix a big-budget nightmare? Is this the horniest studio science fiction film? Is Robert Forster’s character getting a doctorate in cartoon studies? Despite it all, these are some pretty good ship and space effects. What's that orb's deal, really? And how many studio executives can you cram into one on-set writing trailer? PLUS: The return of the VHS Trailer Game!Supernova stars James Spader, Angela Bassett, Robert Forster, Lou Diamond Phillips, Peter Facinelli, Robin Tunney, Wilson Cruz, and Vanessa Marshall as the voice of Sweetie; directed by “Thomas Lee.”This episode is sponsored in part by Pestie! Bugs hate to see you coming with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/WHM for 10% off your order.And also by GhostBed! Right now, as a WHM listener, you can take an extra 10% off your order. Just go to ghostbed.com/whm and use promo code WHM at checkout. That’s ghostbed.com/whm, code WHM, for an extra 10% off site-wide.Be sure to catch us on the road in Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22 where we’ll be talking Conan the Barbarian and Big respectively. Tickets on sale now! Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!  Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey, y'all, before we get to today's episode on Supernova, which, oh, whof, what a movie. I just wanted to remind y'all that, yes, on the 20th of this month, we're going to be debuting in Minneapolis, y'all very excited about this. We're playing the varsity theater for the first time ever. We're talking Conan the Barbarian, the 1980s, one starring the great Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's going to be a ton of fun. Hopefully, y'all signed up for the Wolf's Wire newsletter if you are out that way in Minneapolis. I believe this week they are going to be reaching out with their newsletter about how you can watch an American Wellwolf in London with us the night before.

That's going to be a lot of fun. It's this cool partnership we're doing with the Timberwolves organization watching the movie at their practice facility. So if you signed up for that newsletter already, I think keep your eyes peeled this week. They're going out with stuff. And then also on the 22nd of this month, y'all, March 22nd, we are returning to one of our favorite cities, Chicago, Illinois. We're going to be making our debut at the Den Theater. we're going to be talking about big the Tom Hanks comedy classic that gets a little super duper weird there at the end y'all. So that's going to be a lot of fun.

Tickets are available for the varsity theater show and the show at the Den Theater on our website, WHMpodcast.com. Click on that tour page. You got that all there for you. And if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, which is the 10th of March 2026. Just a reminder, this Friday, we're lucky enough to have another Friday the 13th upon us, y'all. And to get in the spirit of the holiday, we are releasing something from the story to WHM vault. That's right.

On our Patreon shop over on patreon.com slash we hate movies in the store this Friday. We are releasing our Friday the 13th, the final chapter show, which we did digitally almost three years ago at this point, two and a half, three years ago. It's a great show. It's a lot of fun. You're not going to want to miss it. It's a great way to celebrate Jason's birthday, Friday the 13th, right?

Patreon.com slash we hate. movies this Friday the 13th. That will be available in our shop. And you can get it. Yes, when you buy the video, it will come with an audio download as well. So you can listen to it on the go when you're not watching it and enjoying it. But you should because it's a video show and it's a lot of fun. So that's it for me. Let's get into it. Listener request month continues with Good Lord Almighty. Supernova. Enjoy. Ted, hey, Ted, where the hell's parks grow? This week on the program, Hey, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the universe. We're talking

Supernova. I'm Andrew Juppin. Alan Smithy. Take me out of the universe. Eric Siska, please. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine program, as always. That's right. Listen to request

month continues with this movie that I feel like it was only a matter of time before we drew this piece of shit out of a hat. 2000 Supernova technically directed on paper by Thomas Lee. You guessed. that is the new Alan Smythe. We had Walter Hill

walked off this shit. Jack's shoulder walked off this shit. Francis Ford Copeland tried to re-edit this shit. Man, not worth it. Wasn't another director left during pre-production as well? Jeffrey Wright, the romper stomper director was supposed to... Oh, wow. Rompers stomped his way right out of

the studio. Like, just let somebody do it. Because if nobody does it, then nothing happens. It's kind of what the deal is. This, I think, is like a tried and true example of like, don't never let an executive attempt anything creative. They're money people, their contract people, they're people, they're

people, but they're not creative people. Get the fuck out of the editing room and get off the fucking set. And to correct you, Steve, they will release it. It's not like it's going to be like, oh, all that, like we're not going to, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'll put this piece of shit out and we don't care about your creative fuckers. We will do it.

We will fucking do it. Snowman also. It does beg the question. Yeah, Snowman. Woof. When did whatever fucking like studio accountant, right? Figure out, oh, if we don't release it, we can do the tax thing like we did the Batgirl. Because we were releasing movies like this, man.

That guy is going to get the David Zazlov. The David Zazlov Award for Excellence. That guy, they need to make a moneyball movie about that guy. He's just going through the computers and all of this. He's like, wait a minute. No, we don't have to release it. We don't have to realize. Nobody will listen that.

that we don't have to release the movie. He runs up to like the Warner Brothers Bell Tower. He's fucking ring a dang. We don't have to release it. But why is that specific to films? Like, for instance, there's, let's just say we haven't released a lot of podcasts. Can we just write that off, right? Get a big tax break.

I love a tax break. I'm making for that upper class tax hike. I guess we can't, though, because there's a war on and we have to pay our taxes for it. And that's it. and less recorded work to be proven has been done in our things and I know we you know we do work and all that but like hauling rigs off of trucks and stuff like that is different or going into a computer bay where everything is recorded

this is a computer bay right here yes somebody recorded a great call for this that I'd love to hear oh that's right uh so here we go this uh I don't remember the fucking guy but we're going to hear it in a second here we go this is one of the people Actually, yeah, was this a one and done? Or we get a lot of these? Oh, just the one had done. Jesus Christ, this is two now, fucking country bears.

And now this one? What are the odds? All right, here's the call. Hate this movie. Hey, this is Jack in California. I'd like to request Supernova from 2000. It's a sci-fi what's it directed by Walter Hill, who took his name off of it, and it's got a fucked up production history that you can talk about.

And Mike Dexter is in it. Thank you. Yes, he is. Fuck yeah. If you are familiar with our Twilight commentaries, every time Peter Fassanelli is on screen in those movies, I yell out, Mike Dexter. The name of the character he played in 1998's Can't Hardly Wait. Yes. Before we, I want to hit a D-jump button really quickly. No. Oh, look at that. Coming soon to leave this. Yeah, it's the VHS trailer game, little gentlemen. It is back. I was stuck in a dimensional rift for a little bit.

little while. Whenever you do one of these, I can't shit right for a month. Yes, it's America's favorite game on absolute materials, as Bruce Dern once called it. I'm curious again that four simpletons can play at one time. And we are those four simpletons. Yes, we are in the midst of a season. Yes, there have been some complaints and rightfully so all lobbed at me. For me, right? No, no. People do like this. Eric hates it. But people do like this. And they missed it. And it's fair. It's just sort of like, I don't know.

You ever like forget to clean the garage? That's the VHS trailer game. You're like, oh shit, Saturday's come and gone and I didn't clean that garage. That's kind of happened to me on the air a couple times. Like, oh, I should it. Yep, didn't do it. At the top of every morning to do list for Eric is clean the garage. Clean the garage.

It won't Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. If I don't have a garage, it's very easy. The game will end in August. We've got a couple of good months left. We will do one every month. Here on out, I promise to clean that garage. Listen to listen to that, folks. Let's see if we stick to that.

We've got, I'll tell you, the rankings right now. Eric has nine points. He's in last place. Handsome score. Chris has 20. And Andrew Jupin, captain, is currently at 26 points in the league. There you go. Look at that.

All right. These are from the UK VHS of Supernova from the year 2000. and always the UK because they Christ. They just were the UK apparently and UK listeners could write in they must, all of these trailers are like, it's like 10 minutes of trailers

on each of them of these tapes which is fantastic for our purposes. So, but these are not in UK movies. Oh, good. I was going to ask is this Brendan Gleason on a boat somewhere I didn't see? No, I mean there was like a movie called Essex Boys

that I didn't put on here. Yeah, you keep that right off. Yeah, there's some like football movies. with Ray Winstone, which I didn't want to put on here. So these are American movies that you all know or should make. And you're going to find out all from in around the year 2000. Round one. Game Masters Clue.

A big body comedy about mental illness starring a comedy megastar, reteaming with a comedy directing duo on a hot streak. I saw Andrew first. Would that be me, myself, and Irene? It is me, myself, and Irene with the real Jim Carrey, not the makeup artist. Fuck you, man. That story bummed me out. Was that real?

Was that actually a guy? No. So Jim Carrey went to the awards show. He's an older gentleman. He's got really bad plastic surgery. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes they can even that out in further installments. But he looked very unlike Jim Carrey.

Allegedly. And everybody on the internet was like, is that really him? I don't think it's him. I don't think it's him. And like, because everyone's a baby-brained idiot. And then even worse, some guy made some video,

some makeup artist. Like, actually, I was Jim Carrey at the award show. And this is how I did it. Then people believe that. Oh, fuck you, you loser. It's just like fucking,

we're to post-truth reality and it really fucking sucks is where we're at. But if you're that makeup artist, dude, you're the biggest fucking loser in the world. Get a life. Get the fuck out of here with that. Because that's the thing we're just going to lie about shit. Just,

for any reason now at any moment, which is awesome. I might actually get plastic surgery. I think I might like, maybe I'll look like the Red Skull or something. Oh, that'd be pretty helpful. Give you a Red Skull. Yeah, why not? The chair. Dude, the nose, let's, I'm over the nose.

Sir, this is all irreversible. You would have to change the wardrobe a little bit, Eric. I just don't think the Red Skull would be around with, you know, nine-inch nails and, t-shirts and, you know, park with shorts, you know. Eric, I like this idea. Be the Red Skull, dude. I guess I have to be in full uniform for Chris. Yes, I erect it.

Round two. Here we go. Year 2000, ish. Game Master's Clue. This is a little different, by the way. So in the UK trailer, I'm just going to kind of describe the trailer to you. And you'll have to just guess what. This is the Game Master's Clue.

Okay. In the UK trailer, it's just techno music with a lot of cool action scenes. Set to the tagline, changes coming. The evolution begins. And it ends with a line of dialogue with the oldest hero in the movie saying, we're not what you think. Okay. So all that stuff's going on.

Change is coming. Wish, wish, wish. The evolution begins and somebody leans in. Chris Cabin? Is that X-Men? It is X-Men. Wow. Big points.

Good call. I don't say he says we're not what do you think I don't know I'm going to do that I thought for a second it might be the Matrix yeah I actually was literally thinking about that stupid comedy evolution yes okay I was like that can't be it okay round three

okay game master's clue an animated box office bomb that tried to capture the teen boy market by going after the sci-fi action route the cast is led by an up-and-coming actor two years off his Oscar win, which wasn't for acting. Animated box office bomb tried to capture the teen boy market it did. Going the sci-fi action route, the cast is led by then an up-and-coming actor, two years after his Oscar win, which wasn't for acting.

Two years after his Oscar win? Yes, Chris Cabin. Is this Atlantis, the Lost City? It is not, but it's like the other one. You know what I mean? Like, oh, fuck. Eric Siska. Titan A.E.

It is Titan A.E. It is the other one. It is a two-headed. Damon, right? Yeah. Disney was the, what do you call it? The Atlantis one. Titan A.E. was Fox and Don Bluth and shit.

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know Bluth was involved. I remember when that movie came out. I believe I was, yeah, 2000-ish. Like, I was working at the multiplex at the time. And that fucker came out. All right. Now, quick bonus round.

Lightning Ground here. It's Spader on NBC. Okay. All right. So just three questions here. Just, you know, ring in as you get it. What was the name, his character's name on the office? Oh, uh, uh, you gotta ring in if you got it. Andrew Jupin. Like Mr. California?

Ooh, I can't give you half credit. I can't do it. I'll give you character. I'll give it to you. It's Robert, it's, it's Robert, California. I see. I'll give you five points. I'm not going to be a complete jerk. And here's another one. Where did his character work?

And I need the actual, not just, you can't just say it's a this. It needs to be the actual brand. Where did his character work on Seinfeld? Oh. Eric Siska. Baskin Robbins. It was Baskin Robbins for five big points. Yes.

Where's the rum raisin? We're closed. We're closed. Can't you see we're closed? I didn't want. your big head stretching out the neck of my nice sweater. That's a very funny late period Seinfeld performance from Spain.

Yeah, it's so fucking good. And lastly, this is going to be kind of Price is Rady. I'm going to go, I'm going to ask Eric because he's the last place, then Chris could guess and then Andrew can guess it in third. Charity, I like it. What year did the Blacklist end? The Blacklist? The TV show? The TV series of the Blacklist.

What year do you think could end? And everyone's going to be able to guess, or take a guess. 20. 3. Okay. Chris Cab, do you want to guess?

2019. Okay. And Andrew Jupin. 2021. Eric Siska's exactly right with 2023. Nice. Yes, that thing lasted 10 fucking years. I remember 2013 to

2023. Insanit. I remember it like being on forever. Like, I, I actually watched the first season and then I dropped it and then just because it was spayed or crazy I'm like I watched I think maybe

like a season and a half or so myself and it's just like it was a procedural but one of those weird like you're telling me there's this many serial killers and terrorists in the world operating at the same time for this show to keep going this like every week there was like some new fucking super terrorist that he was helping bring down

I mean we were doing that a lot I mean Hannibal did that as well just a much better show, but also like the following. I mean, you had new guys coming in. It wasn't the following was still the main antagonist, but there was new guys in there all the time. I just remember thinking about where or no, who is Tom Keene? Mm.

I've never seen a second plot line of that. Was that the Kevin Bacon show? Tom Kean? No, no. Oh, wait. You're talking about the following. I'm talking about a character on the Blacklist. The Blacklist TV series.

Yes. his name on that show was like Wade Reddington or some Red Red Red Red Redding That was almost one of those I decided to go with the year Instead of the name Because I've already done that

So yeah I was looking at Red Reddington So yeah we're We are starting I would like a scroll I just you know what In this universe Like I would like a scroll

Give me a date Sent to me Because this shit is It's a lot of information is thrown at you at once. And if you don't know what the movie's about at all, I was sitting there trying to follow it. I had to like pause it

and kind of like check some subtitles like, what the fuck are we talking about? And the funny thing is, if you just watch that trailer with the Sugar Ray at the beginning of it, singing, why? That actually does a really good job of telling you what the movie's about. So this like the first 10 minutes of, five

minutes of this movie, like when they're just throwing all this information at you and you cannot catch all of it, the trailer helps you catch all of it. That trailer is so baffling to me because not only the fly came out three years before

this fucking imagine you're watching Gladiator trailer and all the sudden it's like woohoo! We're not be a metal! What the fuck is this? What? But also the two pop song in one trailer is always

a bold choice, Charlie, because we're doing like the it's fly and then three dog night like kind of changes it like the energy is different and in between it though because it's like like sugar ray is playing through most of this fucking trailer like angela bass it's like screaming and there's like a monster on the ship and just sugar ray is just singing mark mcgrath's going off and then in the middle of it though you've just got like ban onopanop a daopanopanop la just like shitty electronic and stuff and then just mama told me i'm gold and you're just like wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait

It's smart marketing. You got some, you know, the young kids are going to go because they love Sugar Ray. Yes. Yes. And then that is like, you know, your uncle will hit his knee or something. It's desperate is what it is. There's bold, there's good, those are enough.

It's really just desperate. They're like, please, we don't know what this movie is. We had 15 people, enough Academy Award winners to start a new Academy worked on this fucking thing. So just come on. Let's get, come watch the movie, please. But also, this trailer,

shows you a movie that does not exist. I will argue the movie that is shown in the trailer for Supernova is possibly like a kind of okay movie. What you actually watch unfold for 91 minutes is not the same thing as advertised. My bar for Alien Ripoffs is so low. You could trip over it. Because I just love the setup.

We're on a fucking deep sea salvage, deep space, whatever. And like, everyone's kind of fucking fighting. something goes wrong. Like, I could, I'll watch that movie 100 times. Yeah. Yeah. You just gotta do it. Without the scroll, like, what I need from you is at least to allow me, like,

I think of recently Covenant, Alien Covenant did this really well, just like showing you the ship. You're with Fosbender and he's walking through his ship and he's doing all the things and he's into, giving you time to soak into the place. This, it's immediately, Benjamin, come up and fuck me or play chess with me. I don't care. This is the computer. Dude, yeah, exactly.

It just starts up and I was like, wait, the computer wants to fuck Ricky Vasquez from fucking my so-called life? What is going on here? And I think this is like really like a badly Xeroxed event horizon. Yes. Oh, big time. When, I was curious, when which script was in development first or whatever because apparently this one has been kicking around since 1988. Yeah, that's usually like, I don't know, man. Again, speaking to the garage metaphor, you got to just throw that shit out sometimes.

You just got to go in the garage and be like, we're never making this movie and throw it in the garbage. Now folks, if you live in a home, and I'm going to go ahead and assume you do, you know that this is the time when spiders and stink bugs and all sorts of other bugs start showing up in force. You're just home watching an action movie that at most 25 other people know about and you look down and there's icky bugs all over your otherwise clean-ish home. I'll tell you that in my home, the moment bugs show up in force, my wife wants it taken care of immediately. Mike Dutikov's fight against the Italian mob be damned. It's time to get those bugs gone right now. And these days, I am using pesties' kid and pet-friendly system to get those critters out of here. Where so many other pest control companies require endless calls and check-ins or cost way too much for ineffective products,

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Get your home pest free with Pesty today, folks. You've been living the last 20 years, not having to worry about getting this movie made. You're telling me you're still going to get this movie made. Throw it in the garbage. Oh, Francis Ford Coppola's going to come and direct the end of it. Get the fuck out of here. And take all these magazines with you, too. This place is cluttered as shit.

I, yes, Wilson Cruz. By the way, Cometan rocks. I watched it a little bit on, it was on hotel TV in Los Angeles. It was a real, like, I should go to bed, but uh-oh, here comes Alien Covenant. You'll be up till 3 o'clock in the morning, watching that on hotel TV, dude.

We fucking rules. But yes, Wilson Cruz is Benjamin Sotomayor, the computer guy who has altered the computer AI thing. Now it called, we're all calling it sweetie, by the way. Well, you can't call it mother because you'll get sued.

By Walter Hill himself. Yeah, exactly. Hey, wait a second. Yeah, and it's a weird, like, he's teaching it to have, like, more human characteristics, and now this thing can, like, reprogram itself, I guess, is the idea here. But they're

going to, like, schedule some kind of test, I think, is what's going on here. Yeah, scenes deleted on whatever, like, this is like an okay concept, you know what I mean? Oh, what's going on with the computer? Maybe it's too human. Maybe it's not. I'll watch some of that. You're dating your computer?

Well, because yeah, also like, yeah, evil computer, you get a little 2001 in there, but alas, any number of things. The movie does not care about that. Immediately sexy. I mean, like, I didn't even like have my, I was putting the title in my notes that I'm like, oh, they're fucking, okay. This is, I think, like, beyond some sort of like science fiction themed pornography, like straight on pornography. Like this is the like horniest science fiction I've ever come across.

This is this is a horny ass movie and I did not anticipate it to be so. I would say this is hornier and sleazier than Jason X even. Yes, you know what? Absolutely. I was thinking of Jason X throughout this whole thing because it's like it kind of just becomes that towards the end where you're just killing people off one by one up, you know, and way more entertained by Jason X.

Oh my gosh. Jason X is because at least then the kills, they're mostly, they go all the way through. You're mostly seeing what you want. This one, I'm just like,

ah, he's in space. Ah, she's in space. But the sex stuff, I appreciate in this movie because it woke me up. This movie is,

it's got a saggy middle. I was bored. I was snoring. The beginning is really like rock as. We're like, holy shit, what is this movie going to be? And then it just flatlines.

Well, It's just so weird because you've got this yet. It's Robin Tony and Lou Diamond Phillips fucking each other's brains out like jackrabbits. Nice. And I'm like, okay, cool. And then it sort of cuts to Robert Forster and he's like, yes. And as we all remember when humanity decided to ban violent cartoons in the 21st century. And I was like, what in the shit is any of that?

What are you talking about? The captain of the ship, Robert Forster, is seemingly doing some type of dissertation on Tom and Jerry cartoons. Ph.D. Working his way through a PhD. You know what? It's like being in prison, I guess. You're just, you know, you have something to work on.

Yeah, that's the only time it's worth getting a media studies degree is when you're in prison. A doctorate in it? Chapter 1. Now, Tom, you understand, he is the cat and Jerry is the little brown mouse and they chase each other around a bunch. When we're back from this space hauling mission, I'm going to be Dr. And I'll tell everyone about the illegal cartoons they can't watch. I'll rule over planet Nickelodeon with iron fist.

This sounds a lot like a plot line from the biker mice from Mars actually. Yeah, that's just one of those things. I just have, I got all this stuff right at my fingertips because of the doctor and cartoons. But it's something about like he says because once we canceled the violence there, It's something about like humanity had no outlet to like get that shit out of their system. So then we all became violent ourselves in the absence of violent media. That's true. I guess.

I mean, okay. This will explain to you at least why he so quickly wants to kill himself. And it's just like immediately like, get me out of here right now. Just kill me. Or if you kill me, Angela Bajer, could you drop an anvil on my head, please? I would just, if you don't, sweetheart, if you don't have an anvil, maybe you could find a piano of some kind. Just right on my old balding noggin here. I really got to get off this coil.

And give me a second to stand up and there'll be, the keys of the piano will be my teeth for a second. Yes. All right. Do you have any, do you have a scy or a katana blade or a nunchuk? I'm digging specifically the Ninja Turtles, you understand. Bow staff could work as well, yeah. Oh, boy, I'd love to be murder. by the Ninja Turtles, that would be something.

Just why don't you paint a tunnel right around where the airlock is? And just right when I'm about to hit it, open that sucker right up. And I'm going to be right done. I'm going to give you this saw, you see. And what I need you to start doing is cutting through the ground that I'm standing on. And I just need you to chip off that one side of the cliff and I'll fall to my death. No, don't use a gun. No, no.

Bend, give me the gun. Bend the barrel so it goes towards my face. All right. Now I'm going to, I want you to shoot me in the head. But you're just have to follow along. I'm going to say duck season. Now, what you're going to say is rabbit season. Wabbit season, you understand.

Now, if all that's happened after you fire off the ammunition in my face, as you see, my beak is just turned all the way around. Be sure to fire a second shot to blow my head, clean off my body. And I can't stress enough. If there's stars circling my head, keep going. And then there's birds. Keep going after that. I got to keep going.

I got to be covered in soot and dead. It would be great when he is revealed to be this thing-esque monster in his pod. I mean, he was just like, gruesome, ain't it? Yeah, I still have the doctorate in cartoons you understand. This is my thesis. Joint. We got Angela Bassett as Dr. Evers, and she is like, I guess, in this sesh with James Spader's Nick Van Zant. Great name, by the way.

Great name. Nice. There is, when you first see him, I didn't know what actor that was. When he's at Zero Gravity and Sweetie, the computer is like, Nick Van Sann doing this, that, and the other thing, just off of prison. And like, his hair looks black because in this anti-gravity room, which we'll get to, everything, the coloring is way off. So I didn't even know who this was. I thought it was Peter Fassinelli. Yes. And then there was a different character.

I thought there was a third character that was Spader and it's not. Also, you're not used to seeing Spader look so fucking buff. Yes, he's jacked in this movie. He's jacked this movie. I jacked off to this movie. He's looking awesome in this. I couldn't believe it. You know who else is looking awesome?

Angela Bassett's fucking robot that she's got dressed up as a World War I fighter pilot. That was working for me too. Get this doctor who shit out of here. Thank you very much. This movie is lucky. My fuck, actually, the safety of my television is lucky that this robot wasn't talking. Yes. And it can't walk right.

It's like saying kill me as well. I'm a little confused. In this first scene, I didn't see it. Is anybody wearing the glasses that make it do the thing? Or is it allowed to do both, is it both controllable and non-controlable? I think it's both. I think you can control it, but then it's also like this somnambulist that just kind of walks around eerily throughout the movie. And you'll forget about this robot for whole stretches of a time.

And then it's the end of the movie does. Yes, exactly. Because that was it. You see what happened here. the robot you see was introduced in draft 8 and what the rest of the movie kind of works around is draft 1527 4 32 69 you know what I mean

there's just so many competing movies there's like four movies in this movie I really I love the idea of this robot like having its own anima its own brain but oh but we do need a fake body in that end scene you know what fuck the whole thing you could do whatever you can throw them and knock it doesn't matter and also this line of we did him up as a World War I fighter pilot

because sometimes we like to do things that amuse each other. Could you dress him like when you did Snoopy in the Red Baron costume? That was a fun little aside in the Pean animated special. Never cared for the comic strip. He said I'm a cartoon guy. He fought the Red Baron, right? So he wouldn't be dressed as. He would be, I guess, in the pilot hat goggles.

For my birth, day, could you dress him up as a ninja turtle? And then maybe he could kill me. So Angela Bass, it's like, hey, James Spader, you're on the ship now. You've only been on the ship for 12 days. You should

be friendly with the crew, you know, they're a good group of people. And oh, by the way, you fucking junkie! You fucking junkie! Like, this version of the future, not a lot of fucking empathy for people struggling with addiction. I'll say that about this. movie. And she's like, oh yeah, you'll

want these pills. What are these pills? Happy pills? And she's like, oh, yeah, because they'll help you come down from the Hazen. Which, if you're introducing a new super drug, you got to tell me what it is. Show me. I want there to be scenes of like, he's maybe sneaking hazing. Let's add some

depth to this character. It takes out like some honey-colored cocaine when no one's looking. That would be great because when I heard it, I heard hazing. I'm like, oh, you like, He wants to get hazed? That's right.

I'm doing some, I'm butt chugging with space cocaine. Does he have a pickle up there? What's going on here? 2000, James Spater tells me to put a pickle in my ass or walk across the room. I'll do it. It's really bizarre.

Yeah, the hazing thing was really weird. And she's like, take these. It'll take the edge off of, you know, your withdrawal symptoms. He's like, I don't have them. And also like, he's off of prison or whatever. Like, again, the scroll would be like, this is the ship.

fucking, what is it, Nightingale? And it's, you know, it's, it's X amount of light years from Earth, tour of duty, three years, something, something. You've ripped off enough of alien, rip off that part too. Exactly. I'm like begging for a DVD extra of character bios. That'd be nice for me to look at

for a second. A movie so bad, you're begging for DVD character bios. Just throw those on the screen for like three, four, five minutes. It's fine. The Walter Hill cut had a lot of character development. And then, they didn't have special effects and then the MGM, vicious MGM

studio, like, tested it, and then nobody liked it because the special effects weren't in there. They gave it to Jack's shoulder who just removed a lot of that stuff. And then like, I feel like this is just whittling down something to nothing. Walter Hill was right because it's like you can't show it to a test audience with none of the visual

effects. None of it would make fucking sense. Like, not that, not that the movie is good, but that's, no, no, no. I'm talking. X-Men Origins Wolverine. Not that that movie is good, but that movie would have had a better chance if that green screen leak did not happen. Because you just see something like that,

and it's just in your mind, it's, well, it's incomplete, but in your mind that equals like cheap or bad or whatever. And then you just sort of translate that as like, well, the movie itself is this. Like, this is the movie, this is what they're putting out, and it's dog shit.

And you just screw yourself. The fact that they did a test screening of this, of a big special effects movie, You did a test screening when the special effects weren't done. These are the people running these companies, folks. This is why we're at where we are 26 years after this movie. I just watched a brief interview with Lou Diamond Phillips. I was done more recently talking about this movie.

And he said that there were executives in the trailer with Walter Hill rewriting the movie Day of. They would sit around all day, having gone through hair and makeup, waiting until like noon or something to shoot something, to even get sides. Yeah. So you don't know what you're going to be filming. It's insane.

It's no way to make a movie, man. It's disgusting. Troubled production. It drives me insane because it's not even like the cheap way, like doing it the cheap way to get more creative. That's not the thing. You still want the big blockbuster feel to the thing. You just don't want to do any of the work. And like the fucking, like when the emergency signal goes off, it's like you might as well be hearing like Christmas bells being run next to the microphone and just jangling.

things are happening, you know, a blowhorn. Hey, stuff's happening. But we're just jumping because there's like a little bit of character development. Like we have that scene with the hazen. I don't even know. And then the alarm goes off. Am I wrong? There's some shit.

It doesn't matter. And I was happy Chris skipped over it. But it's just shit with like Spader and Wilson Cruz are like playing cards. Oh, that's right. And he's like, oh, the upgrade to the computer system was against the law. Are you going to narc on me? He's like, I swear I'm not going to narc on you. And then the computer's like, the probability based on his personnel profiles is he will

narc on you and whatever else. And then there's just, then there's just more shit again. He like goes back to Angela Bassett. And she's like, do you take any of those drugs? He's like, no, how about you take him? And then that's that scene. Well, that's the thing is with the whole like, oh, we won't tell on the computer thing, be like, okay, you know what?

Benjamin and sweetie, the computer. guess what? You keep my haze and usage on the down low and I don't know anyone. If, in fact, he was still using, that's an interesting problem for the character to have. Like, you know, he's like trying to land the shuttle later and he's all fucked up and strung out or something. That's something.

Get a bump in him to finally do it right or something. I drive better when I'm fucked up. I guess it's a bad message for the children. Not great, not great. Although I would have liked to see a little honey cocaine right there. Oh, yes. Or even like he finds some, maybe. Oh, wow. Benjamin actually uses Hazen and everybody thinks he's using it. These kinds of things.

Or when they go to the mining facility, what they were doing there was transporting Hazen. We're talking about Hazen. Show me Hayes. Then it's just like an intergalactic drug dealing movie. I'd be fine with that. That'd be amazing. So as Chris said, this alarm bell goes off. They're getting this call. Everyone has to get to their emergency stations, yada, yada. Alert, alert, my season six family guy DVD is missing. Who took it? This is why I, don't loan out physical media to people on board. I never get it the fuck back. It's just not going to make sense for me to go right to season seven, you understand?

I was just watching season five. I really need that season six guys. I'll be goddamned if I can't follow along with my family guy. Benjamin, do you need me to search a room? Do I have to really do it? Do I have to, are we lowering each other's status to that point that I have to search your room? Bucco, I'm searching your room. I need to know what happens with that Stewie guy.

I'm on chapter 4 of my dissertation Cutaway Gags So I'm gonna need my season 6 family guy DVD Hence the alarm I don't watch Family Guy anymore But I saw a clip going around Kind of around the Super Bowl Which I thought was very funny

It's some episode where Stewie for whatever I don't know the context He's at a kid rock concert So you just hear like ball with deba playing And like some dude in the crowd, like, grabs his chest and falls over, and his girlfriend's like, oh my God, he's having a heart attack. Is anyone here a doctor at this kid rock concert, right? And Stewie looks around and he goes, there's no fucking way anyone here is a doctor.

I was like, that's pretty fucking funny. Yeah. Anyway, so yes, big distress call from this fucking Titan 37 moon where there's a mining operation. It's a rogue moon, we're told, but that comes to mean absolutely nothing. but this mine is supposedly abandoned and the station was abandoned years ago. Oh, okay. But then when you know it,

the distress call is from Carl Larson, Angela Bassett's ex-boyfriend. The worst person I've ever met. Which is the worst nightmare she ever met, she says. It's incredible. To Robin To Toney and she's like, okay. And then like,

Angela Bassett, and even what do you call it there? So dimensional jumping is, you know, it's like, you know, hyperspace, but I guess not. Warp Drive, whatever. Exactly. But you, even like they just get an alarm

and Forrester's like, well, I'm not going where I don't know where I'm going. Okay, I guess I'm just going to go into a fucking, a dead star for some reason. Are you not checking any of this information? Like, he doesn't care. Today's episode is brought to you

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So it's like, you got to go there anyway, man. Like that's the call. That's the job, Robert Forster. I'm sorry it's out of fucking cartoon cat with a mouse chasing you. You know what? Now, sweetie, you got to tell me this. If I do the D jump, can I get through the entire Hannah-Barbara catalog while I'm in the D-Jump? Can I get that just shoved into my eyeballs?

I don't care if I die. I'd prefer it actually. But you know what? Chapter 5, McGilla Gorilla. And right before I get put to sleep in the D, the little cell there, I want to hold up a sign that says Yelp. Or you could, you know, Angelabashed, would you kill me when I'm an inhuman monster? Could you hit a guitar over my head and say, cabang?

Like that old horse I used to do that in them Hannah-Barbera cartoons? You know what? I just watched a Futurama episode when they find out what happened to his dog. You can kill me now. Put me right out of my misery. Every time I think about that, I wish I was fucking dead. I wish I was fucking dead. Why on earth you would ever fucking put that in a funny cartoon?

I don't know. It's a feels. You still talk about it. I know, but it is, I just wish I was fucking dead every time I think about it. That's what it's like living in the future, dude. So we have to get sexy naked to get into our podcast. This is the horniest fucking movie, dude. Also Starship Troopers had come out and they had the famous.

this co-ed shower seems. I guess Robocop did too. Yeah. This is like that escalation of like, well, in alien you see, they have to get down to their skivies, you know, and get in there.

But this, Cox, titty, minge, it's all out, man. It kind of makes, it makes more sense,

logistically that you'd either be naked or fully clothed. The idea of just wearing undies makes less sense, even though, well, you're not going to get in there with a pair of fucking jeans on, yeah, okay, no jeans.

You're working with, you know, Robin Tunney here and she just takes her jugs out. Yes. And we're just, and you take your dick out. And then we're like, well, you know, we're commuting. That's it. That's not. Dude, that's you on the metro North man, just sitting there with your fucking dick

out. Imagine. Yeah, if you had to do that to go anywhere, maybe he should do that. I'd never leave the house. No, I'd never leave the house. And Lou Diamond, Reed Richards is a little nervous about, we have to say he's got the Reed Richards white streaks in his hair because, oh, does he hadn't even noticed. Only for later

in the movie to be like, oh my God, he's getting younger. Oh, man. He's got these white streaks on the side. His name is Jersey something or other. He's Robert Tunney's boyfriend, and he's very nervous about going in. And Benjamin, who's being very playful, is like kind of fucking with him, tells him a funny joke about, you know, somebody who, two guys who went in the same pod and came out with two heads or something. It's like, yes, yeah.

It's, I mean, like, I would, I just need a little, because we're just going into this tube. I kind of need a little more of whatever dimensional jumping is. No, no, no, no, you know what? No, no, no, because the second I start trying to think about it more, dude, I just start getting a fucking headache. So it's, you got to go real far, real fast in space. This is what we're going to do. A big fucking line goes out.

I don't give a shit. Because is it like, is this moon colony on our dimension? Or is this another dimension? Like, oh, we're going to destroy, we're going to mine this moon to shit in another dimension and then take the shit to our dimension. Well, I think it's kind of like the folding of stuff like interstellarizing. Like it's technically all the same. place you're just folding

dimensions to get a farther distance in a shorter amount of time. You know the cartoons made a little more sense than this. Honestly, just like Event Horizon, remember that whenever you have a problem with this movie, just think to Event Horizon. That answer

is probably right for whatever they were going for. It's the same movie. And Robert Forster goes up to Angela Bassett and says, hey, you need to get into my pod and I'm going to get into yours. And it's like, but why. And she even, she even says why. He's like, I'll tell you later. And then he's dead. And this is never even explored as to what. Did he know that his pod was jacked up?

I got a particularly horrible case of writers block and decided to just end it all instead of finishing that thesis. But also when the alarm goes off, Robert Forster's working on something unrelated seemingly to the ship. Like maybe he's working on that pot like, oh no, this one still, you know, maybe it's not right yet. Well, I think it's good now. Like, I'll use this. Like, something like that. Oh, so you're thinking it's maybe like an accidental thing and he's trying to protect

her and not so much a, I'm going to switch seats with her, you see, and I'm going to kill my. Right. Like, oh, I was just super glue in the window today. You know what? I'll do you do that. Do me a favor. When I get in the pod, just bump it with your butt to close it. Like, is it kid?

Or they usually close automatically. But I think if you bump it with your butt, I'll be okay. Oh, shit. The HR email hits instant. Oh, no. I mean, inevitably, whatever is in your imagination that you use to cricket is better than what is here. What is here is non-existent. Like, all this stuff is just like, oh, yeah, I wish this stuff would happen.

But no, it's all huge holes, including this fucking, I mean, yeah, you're right. You want at least maybe he fucking is like, you know what, just a little like, maybe send a little message to my daughter like, I'm sorry about all that. And then that's maybe what we've done. But yet he just turns into a fucking end of event horizon creature. This elephant man shit that I'm looking at here, dude. Yeah, because we show that his pod doesn't close, right? There's a red light instead of a green one or whatever the fuck. And we do the jump.

The jump effect is pretty cool. I wanted to say, to say one nice thing about this movie, I think the ship shit, all the planet shit, the interdimensional travel shit, all of those special effects. It's a mix of, it's a nice mix and mash of like model and CGI. It looks really cool, I think. Yeah. And his thing isn't working. We do get a coming up on the movie montage of like, I guess, whatever that is. Why would that be a thing that happened?

Great question. Great question. In case anybody turns this off before you reach the end, we'll just tell you what happens. There's only two ways you do, because like usually that is a real confident move. You're like, I'm just going to show you what's happening. And like, you think I ruined the movie? I did not. Don't worry about it.

In this case, they're like, we promise, we know all the stuff before this didn't make any fucking sense whatsoever. I know this has all been junk so far. We promise you stuff is going to happen. Yeah, that's fair. It's going to happen. And they get there and like, his thing isn't close. He is now, yeah, like, just like he's like fused with the glass.

It's a gross effect. It's pretty great. Yeah. When I saw it instantly, I was like, kill me. And then he does it. He does it. It's pretty great, dude. And it's a good, like, Cal Mae.

Like, he really wants to die. Go into my corners and just take, there's a bunch of anime DVDs underneath my bed. Airlock them. Don't watch those. Don't let my family know about the hentire. Ninja Scroll director's cut must be destroyed. At all costs, destroy the Ninja Scroll director's cut, or I will be finished. Actually, grab me that.

be buried with that one. It is kind of a, like everyone said, I like lasering this thing in the head is pretty cool. Yeah. Sure is. Yep. Get zapping, dude. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Spader can't do it because the ship's also in peril because they just jumped into dog shit for no reason.

There was a big, like, debris field, and so they're just getting smashed with all this shit. They're losing all this fuel, you know, uh, engine damage. The whole shebang. A classic, like, big you know adventure we fucked up the ship so we can't get back where we came from easily

and again like that stuff the bar is so low and that stuff's fine like you know what I mean if it makes sense and the characters kind of make any sense I'm like oh no the ship's in trouble I don't give a shit you know what I mean I'm a seal I'll clap at it yeah that's nice exactly a ship

ship trouble I've seen enough I relate to it it's nice yeah I didn't do it so we have this whole thing where they where they landed basically they jumped it right next to a that has 100,000 times the power of our solar systems, sun's gravity or whatever, so there's going to be an impact in a matter of seconds.

The sun's gravity is basically going to slam them down onto this moon. And Spader is fighting with the AI to turn itself off so he can manually do it. And the computer's like, well, it's going to be too dangerous to try what you want to do. And he's got to do this whole override thing. And this is like, turn this thing off. Sweetie, you're turned off.

I'm sorry. You're fucking useless right here. Gemini, turn the fuck off if you can. Any of these features, you have to go into settings and do it, but you can do it. You can do it. It can be eradicated. And it's fucking hilarious because Spader is like, if I don't get manual control, it's going to crash onto the moon and we're all going to die. And fucking Wilson Cruz is like, no, we need sweetie.

I was like, dude, you can jerk off to that chessboard later. Yeah, we do not need sweetie right now. Will you teach me how to jerk off to the chessboard? I don't know how. Some jerk off instructions, perhaps, Chris. Great Angela Bassett line here. Everything gets settled down and like Robert Forster has been Lasered in the head and killed.

And she just looks around and she just goes, clean this place up. Fucking leaves. And the new time in Phillips and Robin Tony are like, are you kidding me? Our boss got elephant manned and stuck to the fucking window of his paws. So you got to hose that shit off, dude.

That's your job of the spaceship. hosing it off like you're working in the fucking circus. Where do you want Angela Bassett to get into the glasses and the finger things and start doing the robot sweeping motion? Now that might work for me too. I just mean the order to clean this place up is a little cold. And this is a huge hole in one of the bigger holes in the movie, which is this is an executive. I believe this might have been a Bight of a Copla thing. he wanted to put a sex scene between

Angela Bassett and James Spader because that would make them more connected for the rest of the film. Not a great idea, not a terrible idea, but the execution is awful. The ship is... The ship is just suffered a catastrophic loss in terms of like all the fuel.

Like what are we going to do? There's not even a sit rep meeting. They fuck and then they do the sit rep meeting. It's totally like... Well, they know, well they know, hang on, no. But they know they've got like 17 minutes 17 hours to recharge their like their version of a warp drive. Like 17 in change.

And then like 17 hours exactly is when they will crash into the planet is the idea. So that does all happen. But no, Spader knows that. But not the, they don't have the crew sit down. Oh, right, guys. This is what's going on. It's like, oh, I'm going to get kind of wasted with the sexy doctor and fuck. And then we'll talk about it.

Like everyone relax. I mean, the thing that happens, what could have happened at least is like, Like, we are in this horny movie, and Lord knows Copla's a horny guy. So if you want to do this, I kind of understand it. But you have to be like, Angela Bassett has to be like, we almost died. Take your clothes off. And like, do like something like that. You have to show some impetus.

It can't just be like, oh, drunk, let's fuck. And like that's like we have 17 hours. We have to do shit. There's stuff to be done. Supposed. I mean, Hill or shoulder. You know, because Francis Ford Coppola didn't do reshoot. on this. He just re-edited it, right?

And they must have filmed this scene with Spader bringing the sexy bottle of pear brandy. So there is flirtation in that scene. Eric, I think you're right. It's a thing where that scene existed already and then Culper was like they should have an actual sex scene. Because what you see of the actual sex scene, remember, it's the zero gravity chamber

and it's two CGI cartoons floating around and fucking each other. And it was originally Robin Tunney fucking Fasinelli And so then they just They darkened the skin on Robin Toney And it was like There you can put their faces

They changed the faces digitally And that's it So like Coppola had them digitally Construct a sex scene Out of a Another part of a different sex scene That still also happens in this movie And the pair brandy scene is kind of okay

It's like You can tell in a slower movie That there would be like Okay we you know We got 20 more hours to do whatever you want to have some pair of brandy and then we'll kind of share war stories and they don't fuck but like that's in a movie that's actually a movie instead of like let's just take lift that and cram it into this one space. I would take either of those scenarios. I would like if we're

to stay with these characters learn about these characters maybe they're drinking talking about war stories maybe it's getting flirtatious and it goes somewhere but I this movie just is it's like half scenes entirely. Yes and it tries to say and remember the last time we saw those two characters together. She was ready to spit in his face because he's a drug addict. Yes. And so like the fact that he drops by with Pear Brandy, by the way, bad choice. It's a weird choice.

Like what's going on in the future? I don't know. Maybe it's the only scraps. Just left. I don't know. But like, the fact that she's like even willing to let him into her quarters at that moment does not make sense based on the last interaction they had with one another. Again, it's because this is fucking edited to shit. But they fuck and that's great.

And then. Wild porno music playing by way, there's a lot of porno music on this score. And then like he just zips up and he's like, oh boy, well, as you're acting Campton, also by the way, I'm kind of drunk from all that pair brandy, we have 16 hours to get to this. Do you have any hazen, by the way?

I want to keep this buzz going. Do you have any hazing? And by the way, we only have 11 minutes to actually do the function, to actually survive this thing. We actually technically only have 11 minutes to actually do the D jump. When we have to do it. I'm going to go get drunk, which

is clearly going to help this situation, I guess. Oh, but Chris, I think she already did the D-Jump. And another one. Yeah, less than 11 minutes. You can do that D-Jump, that particular D-Jump. Characterization that comes to nothing in this movie, Lou Diamond Phillips surprises Robin Tooney

with an application to have a child. That's like a future society thing. So he's like, oh, look, I put the application in. once you said you'd want to have a kid and like remember that for the end of the movie folks. There's a there's two characters in this movie that want to have a child together. We should bring that though. I'm going to give these people

a job interview before they have a kid because I, there's some people that they shouldn't be doing it. Yep. You got that straight. Garbage goes in the garbage can people. I cannot stress that enough. Garbage in garbage can. So yeah, we just, Benji discovers that whole malfunctioned before the jump and he says that Robert Forster knew about it and then someone's like,

do you think it was a suicide? And then the movie doesn't care. So we cut away and never talk about him ever again. But yeah, so Spader's like now this acting captain because Forster's gone. He's saying, you know, we're going to get home. Uh, you know, we're going to figure this all out, blah, blah, blah, uh, you know, trying to take that leadership role that he was being chastised by Angela Bass at the beginning of the movie for not having that. Anybody had, I think about a great movie, another, Sunshine, Danny Bulla Sunshine. Oh, yeah, yeah. Rules.

Similar, like, inhuman monster tearing up the ship halfway through, you know, similar beats. But, like, the cast is so well drawn, like, and, like, when somebody starts, you know, I think the captain dies. And that one, it's like, well, I'm the captain. Like, are you? Like, that kind of stuff is, that is, like, just bread and butter for these kinds of movies. Like, have a little bit of, like, oh, do I trust his fucking hazen addict? Like something like that would be so much. Exactly.

That and the jobs are so distinct in Sunshine. Like they make sure that everybody, this is what you do. And they like start doing that in this, but like give you no follow up whatsoever. And then like, yes, Lou Diamond Phillips and Rob Tooney are on garbage duty all of a sudden. Well, it's funny because there is that one part somewhere along the way where Spader like gives Lou Diamond Phillips in order to go check out this shuttle that's about to come into the movie. and he's like, I'm a blah, blah, blah, medical technician. Why do, and I was like, you're a medical technician? I think that's the first time the movie mentioned what the fuck you do in this ship.

Well, he was getting up to biology with Robin Tuning. Oh, yeah, some hands-on experiments, you think. Yeah, like just when they're about to relax, a shuttle is going to 9-11 them. It's flying right towards them. Auto approach, no response from the pilot, yeah. Oh, and there's a fire on board. Yes. Oh, good.

gets it pretty normally and this is Angela Bassett believes this to be Carl Larsonic what I think Carl Lagerfeld but it's not it's Carl Lagerfeld just came on with his fucking big huge collar

and his ponytail yeah I mean speaking of a deformed monster that looks like one through a fucking dimensional jump well he's dead now so time got the best of that sorry allegedly

oh he's allegedly dead I'm allegedly sorry. But yeah, because his name is like attached to the thing or whatever. But then she's like, oh, that is not, you know, that's not the person who sent the call. That's not the guy I know or whatever. And it's not high on my, no, it is pretty high on my list of problems with this movie. And I think he's a totally fine guy.

I like him in those Twilight movies. He's fun and can't hardly wait and other things. Yeah. He just, this is not Peter Fasdenelli's bag. This is not what he should be doing. Menace, really. No, he's like a big, cool, dopey hunk. Like, that's cool.

You know what I mean? Like, that's kind of what he could do. Here's what I would argue, though. It's tough to... Well, that's the thing. It's tough for me to say he can't handle stuff like this because, like, the scripts are so terrible and all over the place. Who the fuck knows? I mean, nobody's, like, good in this movie. No, no. And I would argue the way that they,

because they fucking totally cheaped out on the budget, they stripped them of all this money. So it doesn't, it's not. it's not the creature feature that Walter Hill intended it to be. So at the end of this movie, when Fassanelli is like supposed to be turning into this super being, he just looks like a vampire on Buffy. And I would argue that he would actually make a pretty good vampire in an episode of Buffy. Sure would.

That's a much better movie. I'm 100%. I think this is a script issue. This is, I do not put this at his door at all because, but in terms of just casting again, if you were having the actual Walter Hill edited by a co. a movie that I want that everybody

wants. Yeah, you want somebody who can stand their ground with James Spader. And I'm sorry of all the things Peter Fassanelli can do, he cannot go toe to toe with James Spader. He's just a better actor in every way. That's fair. Yeah. And he's like this, you know, he's this hunky dude that comes out of space

and Robin Tunney's like that's your worst nightmare. Which is also weird like, you don't know what happened. But he's a dream boat. But the dead. Hot people can't be abusive. Yes. Steve the dick is so big.

How can that be on someone who's bad? That can't be true. Getting ready for D-Jump. But to that point, though, like, Angela Bassett needs a monologue somewhere in this movie, and you damn well know she could hit it out of the fucking park. Where she has to

tell the tale of her relationship with this guy in one way or another, whether it's to Robin Tunney, James Spader, whatever. She has to have that moment. Yeah, she's talking to the fucking lifeless robot. Why not? You know. Just anything, because just being like, oh, that guy's the worst nightmare I've ever met in my life.

Like, okay. You know there are support services for you. You don't have to go through this alone. You should really, really, really talk to someone. And I'm no one. I am not a therapy bot. Yes. But so, yeah, Robin, Tony and Angel Besser are like looking over his body from a medical

sense and it's like, oh, his bones have this material around them. It's adamantium. It's all I can think about with, oh, his bones are strengthening and there's material all around them. And I love the line, he's healthy as a horse, which I feel like, it's kind of great because that does harken back to like an alien, you know, that world, those people, they just talk like us, you know what I mean? And that was kind of nice. He's healthy as a horse. Like, that's not really something you'd see in like Star Trek. kind of Star Wars. It's also just stupid even for us.

Like there aren't unhealthy horses. Like horses don't die. What are we talking about? Famously, they don't. Tell that to the set of luck. The joke from 15 years ago. It still works. Yeah, what is, I don't know the origin of healthy as a horse, but I think maybe it's just

got to be for the alliteration probably. I think it's got to be about cock size. Yeah, possibly. Honestly. he's also in a tanning bed here he's got the old tanning bed goggles on which is very funny to me i do like the tanning bed goggles pretty sweet the only thing bassett says in this moment is that she suspects that this guy might be carl's son because she kind of sees a resemblance but she says that she joined this medical crew this company whatever it is to get away from this guy so that's like the tiniest little detail but i still want that monologue i want my angela basset monologue you could do it in two minutes you know what i mean there's time for you for that at least, right? Yeah, exactly. So Fassanelli wakes up.

He's totally naked right here. He introduces himself as Troy. And this is crazy. Did you guys get what's going on here one moment in this scene where... When he gets a boner? He gets a boner. He goes, sorry, I haven't been around a girl in a while.

Wow. He's in front of Robin Tunney. And it works. Yes. Tried at home. Just sure. She is shocked by looking at this dude's presumably huge horsecock.

Like, her eyes really go wide. and she's interest cheese into it. I mentioned if that's the only thing that the special thing does. It just makes you have a huge cock. All the special stuff that happens to you. It's not really rejuvenating you. It's just giving you a huge day. That's why we have to get it back to Earth.

We'd make millions. We need it. It also makes your, it's better than the Siemen X. It actually makes you shoot a lot, which is great. That's amazing. Yeah, you're just spider manning your partner to the wall. I love bountiful loads. I'm going to clip that.

I'm going to have a lights. Yeah, hell yeah. Yep. I love bountiful loads. So Spader's like, look, here's the bummer of it all. Since we had to fucking laser Robert Forster out of that one bed, we only have five jump chairs now and six people aboard the ship or whatever. So he says that he will stay behind and he's asked Angela Bassett, like, get back and then send a rescue ship for me or whatever. the deal is and she's like sort of not thrilled

by that plan and then like Troy sort of gets into this whole thing yeah like Carl is my dad he died three years ago and then he's like really getting into it he's like yeah my dad's probably one of the worst people who ever lived like okay

and you're buying this like I mean that's not in the moment I'd be like lock him in something yeah exactly does this ship have a brig yeah it's It's like trying to pay off that monologue we didn't have. Like, I need to hear about how terrible this guy is.

Yep. Yep. The way he describes it, it's like, oh, me and a couple buddies went out to Big Bear for the weekend, and they left me here. So thanks for picking me up. Appreciate it. Yeah, exactly. Except it's a rogue moon.

Right. They were scravaging. And guess what? Oh, you guys are out of fuel. There's so much fuel down there. That's sort of one of the things we were scavenginging. Yeah, you should go the captain of the ship and the most talented pilot should go down by himself to see about all that fuel.

You know, Star Trek rules. What else does your ship need? Do you need food? Because food is, there's so much food down there. There's tons of food down there that you should go. Do you need like any engine part? Oh, that's special thing. That was 5,000 of those things down there.

Five thousand. And play of hazing. Lots of it. And the, oh, and the good coats are in the back. They're also down there. The good coats are there, but they're in the back. I love bountiful loads. And this is when Spader asks Lou Diamond Phillips to check the shuttle before he gets on it.

And Lou Diamond Phillips finds this fucking egg. And this thing sucks. I'm sorry. It sucks so bad. It's just nothing. And, you know, they even like, they do the classic things. He finds this super warpy egg thing. It's purple.

It looks like shit. CGI. And then later we're like, oh, it's a ninth dimensional something or other. And then like, what does a ninth dimension mean? sweetie. I can't explain it in human terms. Great. So it's nothing. We know it feels good because what Lou Diamond Philbs eventually

goes down there and starts fingering it. Yeah, he does. He is massaging this thing without gloves on. And then the next thing you know, and I'm sure we've all found ourselves in this kind of a situation, the next thing you know, he's just elbow deep in this fucking thing. Just really going. And the subtitles right here just say, moaning sounds audible. So he's like, he's like fucking fisting this thing and it's moaning back at him.

He is nutting. So I guess it's kind of they have an open relationship. Robin Tony could fuck to Peter Fassanelli and Lundon Phillips could fist this egg. Like whatever's, whatever's clever, man, you know. That's that was the weird thing about the application is like I didn't get a romance vibe from them too. I got much more like, we're fucking for fun. We're just having a fucking right. Yeah.

And then that's why it's so weird where it's like, remember how we want to do adopt a child? I was like, no, you're fucking for fun because you're bored on a spaceship. You know, Spader's like, well, I'm going to shoot this thing out the nearest airlock. Dude, there's a great Spader line here. He looks at Lou Diven Phillips and he's like, you've been touching this, haven't you? It's so good. Well, it'll be great if his mouth is all purple. No.

Yeah. No, I haven't. But Spader's logic is kind of set. Like, you got enough problems as it is. This was buried underneath who, God knows what. Maybe someone put it there so it doesn't get out. He revises his story, Troy here. It's like, oh, yeah, we were actually scavenging, and we found this, and then my friends

left me with it. But I'll give you, since this is probably the first alien contact thing we'll ever have in human history, I'll give everybody 5%. And, you know, that's kind of, that's not bad. That's not too bad. It's always weird in these kind of movies where, like, we have all this, like, interdimensional travel, all this stuff. And there's a few sci-fi movies that are like this.

But yet, like, first contact with any sort of intelligent life hasn't happened. And I'm always like, wait, what, are you kidding me? And it's always like when it's even expressed in these kinds of movies, like, well, of course not. I'm like, I don't know. And you've got a fucking robots and whatever else. Exactly. You're folding dimensions. I would have thought an alien was around.

Can the aliens come now? We got stuff we need. Only they could fix it, apparently. Seriously. Oh, yeah. But yeah, there was like no signs of anything or whatever. and his friends blamed him for wasting their time and that's why they left him.

It's fucking donkey shit. And these people just gobble up this little story because a hot guy's telling it. It was just a bachelor's party actually. You know, they have the greatest bar down there. It's just a great bar and a grill and they make your hamburgers. And they just died, you know, indiscriminately out there.

I don't know what happened to him. Actually, you know, it's weird. I'm in a fraternity and they were hazing me. Do you have hazing? No, hazing. This happens a lot when I said. They were hazing me without haze in. Spader really does dress down fascinelli in this moment, though,

where he's basically like, you know, you call this all the way here for this. It wasn't a rescue. You have no business being on the ship. This doesn't have any business being on this ship. You're going to endanger all these. Like, it's a really, and I think this is sort of the moment, right? You're looking at these two dudes in this scene and you're like,

yeah, Spader is just fucking eating this kid's lunch. there's no way around it. Sorry. It's a good job or whatever. I don't blame him, blame him, but it's just sort of like, it's uneven.

And so Spader's like, I'm going to go get that fuel that you, who have lied to be three times already, totally has to be down. It should be a, you're coming down here and you're going to show me where it is.

Sort of a deal, you know. But yeah, so he goes down. And this all, again, all this model stuff looks really cool. Spader's like getting into it with Sweeney,

the AI, like he makes some comment and she actually gets like kind of nasty right here on the PA. She's like, was that supposed to be funny, Mick? And I was like, lose the attitude computer system. Too bad. He was programmed with attitude by Benjamin. It's horny. And while this is going on, like perfect timing for this, Troy's just hitting on Danica, Robin Tony's character again.

Oh, I knew you'd be coming this way on the ship, he says. It's built like a porno. This is built. It is exactly a porno. It absolutely is. And it's all this stuff he's like oh he somehow has all this knowledge about them wanting to have the baby and lou diamond phillips you know is in but isn't sure that she's the one and this that the other thing and it's basically like a if you're going to like settle down with this guy this is your opportunity to make one last crazy mistake with old peter fastenelli and she's like you know what you're right uh the only sin is regret oh nice killer line and they go dude it's a really great

orchestration of this. The only the only real sin is regret. They're standing on this ladder and then all of a sudden like you're watching like a stage performance or something all of this smoke comes out and the ladder like brings them up into like it's very theatrical out of

nowhere which I thought was kind of funny. And we got what? 11 and a half hours until we have to speed run a D jump to get the fuck out of here. I guess it doesn't matter. Who gives the fuck? I'll take four minutes and zero G's to get some pumps in, you know?

Well, I mean, here's the thing I mean, like, you fucking zero G, the cum goes everywhere. Right, it's into the instruments. Spaders comes probably in there from fucking 20 minutes ago. Like, they'll clog the instruments. Space mine stuff is okay.

Right, but the elevator was fun, right? Like, it's a long way down. Not really, Nick, and it goes flying to the ground. She really despises James Vader, dude. Be great, she's like, not really, you stupid bastard and just drops it. And then Fasonelli come drunk is now sitting in the captain chair and like cuts off communication from sweetie to Spader.

So now he's just pretty much stuck down. Yes. Also, it comes to nothing. You expect in this one moment that there will become some sort of confrontation scene because while that zero G fucking is going on, we see a shot of Lou Diamond Phillips watching them fuck through the orb. He's looking into the orb and he can see them. So I figured there was going to be some moment of like, oh yeah, Robin Tunny, will you fuck Mike Dexter? And like none of that happens at any point.

He's already left her for the orb mentally. I'm glad she found somebody because I love you, my precious orb. Nobody's going to take me away from you orb, not even that World War I robot. I can't wait to break this casing open so I can just put you up my ass and finally do what it was meant to do. We do get a butt plug reference, butt plug joke. I think somebody says

They're talking about the orb And I think it's the spader scene As like oh And Robin Tunney's like Yeah it does kind of look like And she's about to say butt plug But she does not Oh nice

Does it wait does like the edit cut Does someone cut her off speaking? I think somebody might cut her off possibly Funny I miss that Because they're talking about sexual stuff with the orb She's like yeah it does kind of look like And then Uh huh

And then I think I think around here, Sweetie defines like the orb as like an extra-dimensional isotope and then it could be like a bomb but it could also produce what's essential for life. So it's like the Genesis device. Yeah, it's a really weird either this will like Genesis

device us in a good way or Genesis devices in a bad way. We'll find out. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. But yes, it might, if they bring the device back home, it might destroy their solar system is the idea here. So this is a funny moment here.

this movie's so choppy as shit but Danica Robin Toney goes back and finds Lou Diamond Phillips back of the orb and it's just a hilarious line there she goes I need you to take your fingers out of there Well because I mean and

Tudy's good so she's like doing it like she's kind of scared for her lover here like oh no he's I might lose him like and like Blue Diamond Phillips is doing the best he can fingers deep in an orb I mean like you know there's not what you can do this is when he starts

like de-aging or whatever he feels like he can run a three-minute mile I think Angela Bassett says you're getting you're getting you're getting a harder, better, faster, stronger I was wondering about is it actually

Lou Diamond Phillips doing these like handstand push-ups? I was curious if there's like a special effect there in some way. He's looking good. He's looking buff. He's looking good. I could see him doing these. I can imagine it. And he has lost the Reed Richards wings here. So it's like, oh, he's younger. And then, and then everyone in their fucking grandfather

knows who, uh, Troy is at this point. I mean, come on. They say this line and I was like, you got it, dude. And then the movie's like, only the dumbest motherfuckers on earth will be watching this movie. So we can still pretend like it's a big twist at the end. And all the dumbest motherfuckers on earth will be super surprised. What? But you're like, yeah, of course he's fucking Carl. Of course he's fucking Carl. Of course he's fucking Carl. Come on. Come on. So Spader finds all these dead people down in the mine This is where he should be going through the pockets of one of them Or something to find something

But then he finds some haze in. Oh, hell you know. Tempted in the moment like speaking of no one's alive, you know? Well, this is this clearly because I mean I think the movie would work better I shudder to say this if it was like 15 to 20 minutes longer And we keep cutting back to the Spader adventure. You know what I mean? Spader leaves this movie pretty much now like

Yeah. He looks through and then. Fassanella's like, you're fucked. See you later. And, like, blows something up. And that's Spader out of the movie for the rest of it until he comes back at the end. And I'm like, it's unforgivable. It is because it's a spader movie.

And like there's even in the trailer and like on IMDB, there's like some weird little fetus. Apparently Troy, the actual Troy, like got D.H to the point of being like a fetus person. And in the trailer, it's like, help me. I'm like, Jesus Christ, that's a movie. That's interesting. You bet your ass that's a movie. And also lean into those creature effects in this. You paid for them.

Even from the most suitest suit idea. We paid for this. We might as well use it. Because you know what? Your movie's cooler if there's a fucking, you know, Quato kind of guy talking to James Spader or whatever. Exactly. Points on your movie,

stupid executive that had that cut out. Let me just let me ask you. I got a little cigar in here. Let me ask you this. Who created Robin Tunis breasts? because that's what I want on the screen and I just want more and more and more of that and I would like as much as that as possible

I would say they are great practical effects in this sure it's all done in camera I love it but honestly the whole like mining sequence with Spader being trapped down there and Carl like opening and closing doors that could have been something

we were starting something up but then no we just leave Spader down there and he is he initiates like an infinite loop of the shuttle so it takes off and I guess it's just driving in circles. We don't even know how Spader eventually gets back on that shuttle. I would have loved to see that scene. No, we do.

We do actually. It's convoluted as fuck. Please. He doesn't get back on the same shuttle. So when Spader lands on the moon initially, before he gets out, remember he says to the to Sweetie, he's like, release the backup, whatever,

basically like a little like skiff that's inside the shuttle. So a backup. thing drops down to the ground. It's almost as if he's anticipating that Carl would then steal the ship backup away from him. So when he does leave, that shuttle is gone and he's got the little backup guy

that he's riding up in. Because when you see him he's like, I'm back. And he's kind of like basically in like a little bob sled kind of position. I just wish it was more spelled out for me. Oh yeah. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely fucking loo. Because again, you'd have more James fucking Spader. Like even him meeting this little quato guy

And, you know, this is a sexy movie. Well, I was like, you need to fuck me, please. You'll have to do it. Well, I have to. The only way off this rock is through me. Oh, what's that? You want me to kill you? No, I said, fuck me.

Kill you? Got it. No, fuck me. Killing you got it. I just got a rock. I just got a rock here and I'm going to kill you. Fuck me. I would even take Spader alone doing a comedic line about how he's stranded there or just talking to himself for a moment.

Yes, of course. And who am I talking to? Sure. I mean, I just need this to be better. Benjamin. Benjamin, I've gone through every, every corpse on this planet. And I'm telling you, every single one of them has a pickle in their ass. You have got to stop the hazing epidemic. The hazing epidemic has to stop now. So, yeah, so long, Nick. And Troy fires up the shuttle and goes away. And then so Troy tells Danica, Robin Tony, you know, hey, Nick is gone. And it gets into this whole thing.

and he goes, too bad, I kind of liked you and kisses her. And then like she freaks out. She spits in his face. Yeah. I wish you hadn't. Well, the freak out. I wish you hadn't done that. Spits in his face.

I really wish you hadn't done that. And then he fucking airlocks this woman, unceremoniously airlocks this woman. Instant death, just thrown into space. And then you just see her like, I guess you see sort of air leave her body a little bit. Yeah. I kind of need, like, if we're going to go for the kills now, why don't we go for the kills? Well, if you want that, you have to go to Brian DePomis Mission to Mars where they actually will give you that, but this, they, they don't do that. Does that movie have good kills like that?

I only saw that once. Because Tim, Tim Robbins gets the airlock, the actual airlock. Oh, okay. Yeah, I can sort of vaguely remember. And there's at least one more. I have memory hold that movie and Red Planet. They both came out at the same time. I'm pretty sure I saw.

both and I was just like, I don't know, they're just out of my mind now. I think I saw neither. I think I was like, no thanks to both. Which is a mistake because it's up my alley. Yeah. And that also, as we mentioned on country bears was based on a fucking Disney ride. Just like Supernova.

Oh. But yeah, she's just gone. Oh, we see him have the other thing here because the first freak out with her, she hits him in the head with something and he's got this big gash. And so this is where we see he's got like Wolverine healing ability, like his temple wound heals. You see light kind of in his body, like is the effect, I guess.

Because he shoved it up his ass is what I'm guessing. That's how you get the real, like fingering, it'll get you younger and whatever. But if you get that thing inside there, then you're really rocking and rolling, dude. I love bountiful loads. But like we see, we see Troy, like this is where he's got like gambit hands. Like he's putting his knuckles together. Like he's going to. Yeah, they're glowing.

Power punch. Yeah. Which, like, also lead into that. I would, like, have him punch a hole through some guy. Even, and again, who knows about the shoddy production history? But apparently there was a dark monster version of Troy or Troy Carl that happened. And some executive was like, well, you can't see the actor. That's not good.

I'm like, no, that is good. Like, that's sort of what. Oh, my God. So this is, because it's just, we barely fucking airlocked Robin Tunney. Yeah. And we're fucking fighting with Lou Diamond Philly. and like he's just unceremoniously shot out of a torpedo bay. I need something cooler to happen to Lou Diamond Phillips.

Thank you. If he's got half a ninth dimensional powers, it's like, oh, you've fucked with the egg. Like that's kind of something. He should at least be able to put up a fight, right? Because he's got some of those powers. It should be a little kind of cool. This is just Lou Diamond Phillips gets shoved in a tube. And then you see him get shot out.

And like if Robin Tunney, you know, does the freeze in space. Like we see your breath go out and she freezes. This has to be Lou Diamond Phillips is shot out so fast. Like we at least see like his little body burn up as he goes into the song. And I thought that's what was going to happen. And they cut like right before it. Cowards again. Dude.

Show me that. To Steve's point like you could have had like monster versus monster. That could have been a moment for the movie. Sure. We love monsters versus monsters. Freddy versus Jason. Dracula versus Frankenstein. Come on.

Exactly. Yeah. Lou Diamond Phillips versus fucking Mike Dexter. It's right there. Every election in this country. But I hate that it's basically just the same death twice. It is. It's very lazy and uncreated.

And it's just, the movie feels like it's wrapping up already. And you're like, okay. And then it kind of does, honestly. Like, yeah,

great. Because we kill, we kill fucking Benjamin here. Like, he's getting this update. It's like, the computer's like, by the way,

none of the people you've just asked for is still on this ship anymore. And he's like, that's not good. Right. And his whole thing is like he, but Mike Dexter's after him and he's trying to tell the AI, am I jumping ahead? No, no. That's it. This is it. Yeah. Like, get rid of the oxygen in this room of, you know, the opposite room or whatever to kill this guy. I can't do that. I'm not pro. But remember when you woke me up to play chess, that was you just doing something because you wanted to do it.

Did you take this AI to Vienna for like a fucking honeymoon or something? What the fuck is going? This is the thing that drives me most crazy about this movie is how the AI is just like, you told me to be emotionless except for occasionally, but then not other times. And then sometimes I am. And then I'm horny, but not horny all the time. And I'm like, fuck it just pick one. Kill the monster. This guy's a monster.

He's going to kill your boyfriend. This is it. Here it is. And he's got the frustration and like, he's a good actor. He's doing his best. But there's just nothing here. And like, again, like rip his head off or something here at this point. Sure.

He just kind of gets a hard shove, doesn't he? It's just kind of like an unseen head injury. Sweetie, I love you. Which is just sucks. It is so fucking funny, though, when he's trying to convince this computer to switch over, because he's like, okay, remember how you felt when you woke me up in the middle of the night to play chess that one time? And she's like, yes, definitely.

I'll never forget it. And he's like, well, imagine you'll never be able to feel that again because I'll be dead and it'll be your fault. It is so I mean that guy was lucky he was fucking that computer dude She wouldn't have given him the time of day otherwise And doesn't the computer sweetie be like Benjamin Benjamin?

Yeah yeah because he's like I guess the thing is he has to utter Two parts of a like a vocal command to change it over And he can he gets killed before he can say the second one And then this computer is like wait what It would be cool if the computer is the one that saves the day And just like oh you're kill my boyfriend, now I'm going to do something. Absolutely.

A third airlock in a row. Let's go. So we've got this sweetie, tells Kayla, Angela Bassett's character that Benjamin's dead at this point. And then Troy comes out and he's like, still don't recognize me, Angela Bassett? And I was like, movie.

Everybody knows who this motherfucker is. Let's keep the train moving here, please. But this is where he starts transforming loosely into a monster. And this is why I think it's definitely like a Buffy vampire because it's like the facial features and the brow features and then the yellow eyeballs and that's it that's kind of just it like if he had fangs he would be a vampire from buffy yes and she's like oh no and like is this what spader comes i mean there's really not much in this it just sort of trips

over itself it ends basically well so here's what happens right is uh like so he's doing this big speech and pontificating about like i'm the next leap in evolution who knows how long we'll live and then this is Spader on the radio. I'd give you about 10 minutes, Carl. And then this is where he's driving the torpedo back to the space station. It is so dumb. He's on this little rescue return emergency shuttle, they call it. But yeah, and so Spader, he kind of makes a great point here.

He's like, well, you know, Carl, this was really fucking stupid because you had this whole production, but you really only got off the planet. And you're just stuck on a ship now. You're not going anywhere. It's great. The one line of like, did that thing make you stupid? bitter where you poor?

Yes. Oh man, it's very funny. It's Spader. It's what you want. It's what you want, him being a dick to somebody. Angela Bassett gets the upper hand here

and grabs, because Carl's like threatening her, of course, at this moment. She stabs him in the eyeball with this like medical tool or whatever this is. Very nice.

Bad ass. And then this is, Fassonelli grabs like a harpoon gun. And I don't remember where the other one is. But I think Robin Tony has one at some point. And I notated right here, I was like,

why are there so many harpoon guns on this spaceship? You never know. What are these things for? For space whales, dude. Happens every day. Have to let be whales here. Better shoot them with harpoons then. Oh, no, now we have to go back in time to save the whales, I guess.

It's just such a weird, like, weren't you guys a medical ship? Why do you have these things? Maybe they're towing cables possibly. It could be. We can't be bothered to flesh out any nuance of this ship whatsoever. That won't be happening. But there is definitely some more Looney Tune shit afoot here because Spader like docks and then like Fassanelli's got this harpoon like trained at the door and like the little airlock thing switches around. He fires it.

Oh, isn't it into an empty suit? Did anyone, did someone say Looney Tune stuff? I'm a force ghost now here. Robert Forster telling you how to fight like a cartoon to beat him. Ah, the classic suit switch out. He's going to think you're in that suit and he's going to harpoon it, but it's just an empty suit, you see. Classic.

What you're going to want to do is offer him a cigarette and then put a stick of dynamite in it now. And then you give him a nice light and then cabamo. Uh-oh. Too bad. Didn't realize that harpoon was from acme, huh? Yeah. Now you're fucked. I was going to say, oh, when Spader does come through,

so the door flips around a second. time. This is like how you get into the bat cave or something. His door flips around. Dude, he is in this suit. We're talking about aping from alien and aliens in that whole world. He's in like a miniature version of the claw suit from aliens. And he looks like Doctor No.

It does. And it looks, I mean, it looks so goofy. It looks like, I don't even know. It looks like Lost in Space. Yeah. Yeah. Danger. The 60s version lost in space. Which is so incongruous with the rest of the design. And it's got like one hand as a clamp, aliens get away from

you bitch and the other one's like scissor hands which is kind of fun yeah it's all pretty unremarkable yeah no it sucks it would be funny though because you're right it does look like older technology of like spader i don't have some line like i'm going old school with this now yes where'd you get that fucking thing from the color grading also it does kind of look like that new that 98 lost in space it does because we're still it's very blue exactly equal to blue during this time which is crazy which I guess I could see it, but Wow. This fight between Fassanelli and Spader, though, like, it is so

shitty, it's so horribly edited. The camera work, you cannot follow a single thing, because we're doing the worst combination ever. Choppy editing to already shitty, shaky cam footage, good Lord, you can't follow this fight at all. And also in the second half of this movie, like, I don't even know

maybe he wasn't Carl, like, there's just some lines that Spader is talking and the mouth isn't matching where it's like, sure. So like, a lot, of ADR stuff to fix some of this nonsense or just get this thing across the finish line so we could fail at the box office like that desperate to get it there yeah dude LOL to Carl getting his arm cut off by Spader oh that's pretty funny they sort of locks him in a cage or something yes snip snip and he just locks him in like whatever and then again just because like they are

racing to to finish this movie to end this movie but like also they kind of don't know like how to edit it together. It's just this quick like, oh, the ninth dimensional matters becoming unstable. And it just cuts right back to Peter Fassanelli, reattaching the arm that got caught off not more than 45 seconds ago. Yes. And it's just like, it comes back. And the robots are back.

The robots, here's an idea. Because of, you know, because of Forster's proclivities. What if they're named Tom and Jerry and that there's two of them? That's kind of cool. Like, now they have some sort of fun personality-ish kind of thing. Nick, Nick, I'm talking to you from beyond the grave. Why don't you lay a meep beep on them? They hate that shit.

Drives me crazy. Hey, it's me. I was able to put my consciousness into Jerry before I was killed, you see. Hell yes. Yes. In the event of my death, he burrows underneath the ship like Bugs Bunny. Must have took it a wrong turn at Albuquerque, actually. Oh, I love this version.

Man, this thesis is going to be so cool. But so Spader mentions, he's like, oh, by the way, I brought back a surprise for him from the planet or whatever. We need him to get to the observation lounge is the idea. So while they're trying to figure that out, sort of, it would be a more interesting detail if there was more of a crew here. But fascinately goes around. He smashes like all of the pods there, except for one, I think, is the idea. And these things are like, I don't know. This isn't even double-paned glass he's breaking here.

I know, really easily shattering this shit. I was like, is that like sugar glass or something? Like that edible glass you see in like high-falutin bakery kind of things. Pay for the double pain. Come on. Yeah, I mean, it is for interdimensional jumping. Exactly. I think we want to be really sealed in there.

You know what I mean? But yeah, so then it's like, okay, we got to get him up to the observation deck or whatever. He thinks he's chasing Nick with the orb and he gets up there. Oh, it's the fucking robot, not James Spader. And then inside the orb, James Spader has, like, shoved in this explosive is the idea. Yeah. And Angela Bassett's controlling it. So her big arc of this abusive boyfriend, she gives him the middle finger through a robot.

Say goodbye, Carl. Finger. I would love that. It goes up there. He's chasing the fucking robot. He goes up, I've got it. Oh, my God. God, it's a bum. What's that smell?

And then there's just a pile of stinky fucking pickles all over. And Nick gets on the thing. I found your friends. They say goodbye. But yeah, Carl does sort of launch back toward the moon. And the computer is saying, if this thing blows up, the resulting supernova will indeed destroy Earth in 51 years. That is a given detail that we have here. Great. And it's like either Earth will be destroyed, or in this other more positive genesis device situation, it will allow humans to go to the next step of evolution.

Nah, I'm sure the planet's just going to be destroyed. Well, in the one of the original cuts, it was supposed to be the Earth will blow up at 250-something years no matter what. That was it. And I like that because here's what you can do with that, dude. It's like they have that information and they're coming back. And Spader would say to Angela Bassett, right,

like, do you think we should tell them about the 251 years? And she says, like she maybe goes to answer. and then we cut to the credits and it's left unanswered. That's kind of a cool idea, you know? Look at us fixing Supernova. No, but we gotta get naked again, dude. It's been like 20 minutes. Let's get some buns in here.

Strip it off. But then this is the weird, they're gonna share the same pod and the computer's like, that's dangerous as fuck. That's dangerous as fuck. Well, it's also one of those things where like, that's literally the only thing

I know about this universe is that that can't happen. You know what I mean? Like, it's fine to bake, break your own rules. But when you have only one rule and then you break it, it's kind of like, well, that's stupid. But then you go. Well, it's like the, it's like the Ghostbusters crossing the streams, right? Like they eventually do it and it doesn't bring about.

It's fine. You know, and also you get the line here because now spader is naked, Angela Bass, it's naked. They're on top of each other. I could think of worse ways to die. Given the circumstances, I feel like my performance level would be insufficient. Which, again, if you had fucked before, you'd be like, well, just remember when we fucked earlier, but we didn't do that in the movie. Yeah, exactly.

The scene here is before they made those other changes. So the actors in this moment don't know that that happened. They don't know that they've had sex in C.O.G. That's correct. I'm having a little, yeah, I'm having a little problem getting hard right now, but I think once we survive this, I'll be able to go right in there. It's incredibly cold on this spaceship. but I just want to be really clear about how cold it is.

This never happens, I promise. I've also never been in a space adventure trying to have sex before. I also was drinking earlier too. Back on Earth, I'll be harder, better, faster, stronger, don't it? That's right. So they do the bolt back, you know, through the jump or whatever. And we see them kind of, it's like that fucking, that movie together or whatever. Like, their fucking phases start, like, fusing to one another briefly or whatever.

And we get through the other. of it and it's like the computer's like there's been a 2% transfer of genetic material and you look and like she's got a James Spader blue iris in one eye and then he's got an Angela Bassett like brown iris in one of his eyes and that's like this oh but then also the computer's like by the way you're also pregnant congratulations side effects of dimensional jumping might lead to lower back pain sluggishness David Bowie. A case of David Bowie eyes. It's weird because like, yeah, you can, I guess, there's three, there's two options here, right?

It's like spader slip one past the goalie during the zero G, you know, pair booze fucking that we were doing. Right. Right. Or something happened during this jump where some of his boys got transferred over into there and then she's magically pregnant. When they merge together, like, you know, obviously a man has a hefty semen. deep inside of his body. And if you merge that with a lady during a D jump, and

then suddenly some of those boys are left behind enemy lines in the womb or whatever it's worth. Yeah, no, the wombory. You were totally right, dude. Yeah, go on. Definitely. No, go on. It's like if a sperm could like teleport directly

into that ovary and right. That is one option, I think. It's either slip past the goalie earlier in the movie. Be me up, Scott. Yeah, exactly, dude, exactly. But it's just funny to me because it's like, this is what I was alluding to earlier.

Like, Robin Tunney, right? And Lou Diamond Phillips, they were the ones talking about having a child. Like, this has never been a thing that Angela Bassett has talked about, like the character wanting it all. Because maybe there's a scene, who knows, in one of these drafts or versions

where Robin Tunney tells Angela Bassett, oh, you know, he gave me a fucking child application. Do you want one? I don't know. I always wanted one, but Carl was such a piece of shit. That's a scene. Sure.

It totally is, dude. But I just think by the time they got to the end of this, they forgot who wanted what at earlier parts of the movie. And then they were watching it. They're like, eh, nobody's going to care. I'm telling you any kind of scene can make this movie better. You want to put in an opening of Marty Supreme, like, sperm race to get in there right before we jump, do the D jump. We got to do last one.

Fucking do it, do it. And you get in there. That'd be great. All this stuff. But I'm going to suggest whatever ideas we had, I love all these ideas. If Francis Ford Coppola and Walter Hill couldn't fix it, I don't think we could.

I don't think anybody fucking could with who they were dealing with in this fucking movie. All the Kings horses and all the Kingsmen, this is a piece of shit. Garbage. And I mean, that's the end of the movie because it's like, by the way, you're pregnant and then the title card comes up and says Supernova.

And I was like, I guess that's the end of the movie. It just reminds me so much of that bad when Homer is trying to tell the scary story and then he's like and she hit him with a golf club he's like and you know his wife always hated when he went golfing no you said he went bowling oh shit

you know what I mean like that's the same thing here exactly you forgot to do the thing so that line means nothing exactly and Angela Bassett's character is pregnant so well she was applying for a baby at the earlier part of the movie no that was Robin Tony's character don't exactly

oh man with yeah just directed by Thomas Lee. That's the end of this piece of dog shit here. I'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts. Stephen Sadek. Oh, don't watch this one. Steer clear of it.

You know, I'm sure if you're into some of the, if you were interested in any of this, just go on Mr. Skin and see everything. It's fine. I don't know. It's, there's nothing here.

Like, I even thought like the beginning, the first 20 minutes with the Robert Forster cartoon stuff and all the excessive nudity, I'm like, is this going to be a fun, sleazy, sci-fi actioner?

And it is, It is just not. It's a don't. Chris Cabin. Oh yeah, don't watch this movie. I mean, I prefer the Lost in Space movie. Yeah. I prefer virus, which is not even about space, but there's space aliens down on a ship on Earth.

All as compared to this, just hitting all the notes, getting me some good kills, getting me some good practical effects. This, you get none of that shit. It's just nonstop crap with the one. exception of yes, when they do the D-jump, it looks cool. That's it. There you go. Eric Siska. I'm not going to add anything new. I think Steve hit the nail on the head with the Mr. Skin

line there. I mean, this is a nothing movie. You know, it's just I wish there was more here. It's not a record. Chris, I think you were totally right also when you referenced that movie, The Snowman, right? Oh, God.

The adaptation of what I thought was a pretty fun Harry Hula, Crime, Nog. there with Michael Fassbender. But that's, I remember watching that and being like, they should have just burned all of this. Like, it's okay to burn all of this. And that's how I feel about this. Like, it's unfortunate because I can really see,

again, you know, like you said, Steve at the top. Like, I am also a total simp for any sort of alien rip-off whatsoever. That movie Life that came out a few years ago. You bet your sweet ass. I went to the theater for that. You know what I mean? So, like, I feel like there's something here, which is frustrating. And I'm sure if it was just Walter Hill,

no notes from these MGM fellows, you know, like, there could have been a kind of okay to maybe pretty cool movie going on, but not that Walter Hill hasn't made fucking dog shit because he absolutely has made a business. So who knows? But like it sucks that I feel like I can see stuff here and you're just never going to get whatever it is. There's no way, right?

There's no way that like someday we'll see the hill cut of this. Like everybody just wants to forget that this movie ever came out. And I think that's right. Despite the caller here who requested that Alex maybe was his name. I want to say Jack? Jack? Let's see. We'll revisit really quickly here. Hey, this is Jack in California.

Yeah, Jack in California. There you go. Jack, you set us up for a good one, man. And I will say, though, Jack, it sounded like you've at least seen this movie. There is that, but that is going to do it for this episode of We Hate Movies. As always, if you want more We Hate Movies, including commercial-free versions of shows just like this when you listen to, head on over to the Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies. Add free every Tuesday, y'all. And we got a lot of stuff.

Again, listen to Request Month pouring over into other side shows. Let's see, last week we released an episode on Clerks or We Love Movies episode on Clerks, which is really rad. That was a lot of fun. Chris Cabin, two days from now, Melro 210s coming out. What do we got going on there? And we got a double shot of Melrose Place for you called, they, they shoot Mamas, don't they? Of course, mothers, I believe. Mothers, don't they?

And it is the end of the baby nappers, uh, soft. for now at least. We're going to come back to it, I assume. Just so people know, Chris, that's people kidnapping babies, not a baby taking a nap. It's exciting. It's more kidnapping of Jason.

Yes, not napping for Jason. That's true. Next week, animation damnation, false victim to listen to requests one. Steve, what Netflix cartoon are we talking about? I now remember what it is. It's delicious in dungeon, which is an anime thing from Netflix.

I think it might have been somewhere first. We're going to find out some, we're going to butcher this guy. And I don't mean like, oh, we're going to fucking dives right. We're just not going to understand a word of it. We're going to get so much wrong. It's going to be so much fun to do. And I think that's a great point to tee that up here, though, right?

And I think we'll say it at the start of the episode. This was a, you know, a listener requested thing. We don't know what this is. So if you are really into this world and whatever, that's awesome. But we don't need the, how did you miss? You know how we missed it? Because we don't watch this. That's how we missed it.

No idea. Please know black trench coat or revolver. whatever we say. Speaking of black trench coats and revolvers, Eric Siska, next Friday, the Gleap Glossary is popping off. Who are we talking about there? We are talking about 10 Garnit,

the Death Star Gunner. It was requested. Elon Slees-Bagano survived the hangman. How does it keep happening? I'm telling you, half the hat is Jet Porkins and Elon Slees-Bagano, but somehow...

That right. rocks dude yeah yeah so that's going on and then we also have a listener requested episode of our Star Trek chat show The Nexus and this this year we pulled a

pretty good DS9 and a really good TNG the DS9 is duet season one episode 19 and the TNG is the Inner Light season 5 episode 25 a very famous TNGG episode that's going to be a lot of fun

so Steve Sadek listen to Request Month rolls on next Tuesday what do we have coming out? Oh, Tartit Tar, we had to do it. It's actually going to be the Boondock Saints of all things. Oddly enough, pulled out of the hat, oddly enough

it's going to air on St. Patrick's Day, you got to do it. You got to have some synergy here, right? Sure, why not? You got to, I guess. There will be one real Irish accent and a bunch of bad ones and a bunch of bad ones on this show as well. Oh, definitely. I mean, I'll try to keep it to a minimum because this movie

already disrespectful enough. But I've already revisited it and hot damn. What a shit house affair. But rad thing about next week. We'll tell this here now because why the hell not? Who cares? Big week next week.

After Boondock Saints comes out on that Tuesday, we have a very special episode of We Love Movies that will be dropping on the Patreon and the free feed with commercials where, yes, that's right. We were able to welcome on Matt and Tyler from Radio Silence. And we are talking about the very

fun John doll film Joyride. Yes. So yeah, it was really awesome to have those dudes on. It was a great conversation. This is going to, you know, it's coming out in the lead up to Ready or Not too, so it was cool to talk to him about that movie. Real great conversation, real fun bonus for everybody on both sides of the

dial ads and on Patreon. You'll get it both. Wanted to put that out there as well because it's really great. Really great conversation. So big week, next week, in the WHMU, but all of them are big. But we're going to kick it off talking, And you guessed it, the Boondock Saints.

Until then, I've been Andrew Jippen. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. I love Bountiful Loads.