We Hate Movies - S16 Ep858: The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

“The idea that you’re gonna put Kilmer and Brando in the same movie and you expect this to go well...” - SteveThis week on WHM, Remake-ril boards a plane to fly to a mysterious destination in the South Pacific as the guys chat about one of the most notorious Hollywood disasters of the 1990s, John Frankenheimer’s The Island of Dr. Moreau! Who on Earth thought it was a good idea to get Brando involved in this? Does our society really want monkey butlers? What was Kilmer smoking while filming this—no seriously, any strain info? How was this movie only PG-13 with all these horrific mon-stars? Why was mainstream pop culture kinda cool with a little light beastiality in the 1990s? And credit where credit’s due, Stan Winston hit it out of the park with the monster make-up. PLUS: The return of the VHS Trailer Game!The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996) stars David Thewlis, Val Kilmer, Fairuza Balk, Daniel Rigney, Temuera Morrison, Nelson de la Rosa, Mark Dacascos, Ron Perlman, Marco Hofschneider, and Marlon Brando as Dr. Moreau; directed by John Frankenheimer.This episode is sponsored in part by Rocket Money! Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney dot com slash WHM! That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. And also by Pestie! Bugs hate to see you coming with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/WHM for 10% off your order.Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program, this remake is a total disaster. We're talking the island of Dr. Moreau. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Dogdresses a butler, Eric Sisko. Chris Cabin taking over for Chris Cabin, who just did terrible work with the direction here. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone.

Welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in, as always. That's right. This week, Remakeville takes us to the creepy island of Dr. Moreau. It's the 1996 adaptation, which is mostly credited to John Frankenheimer, but yes, disastrous monster Richard Stanley worked for this on a week and then was blissfully fired from it.

Indeed, he looked. I mean, he was working on it for a long time before things actually went. But yes, this absolute monster, who kind of good director, but he just completely blew it, completely fucked it. Everybody fucked it. The idea, that you're going to put Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando in the same movie and you expect this production to go well. Okay, great.

Hey, smart idea. If I put two cats in a garbage can, I'm like, what's all that noise? That's my fault because I put the cats in the garbage can. It's the producer. I think it's me and Andrew who have seen Lost Soul, the movie about the making of this movie. Oh, yes, I've not seen this.

And the producer was like, we can get Marlon Brando. Richard Stanley was like, I didn't say I wanted him. He apparently wanted Yergen Procknow. Which would have been easier to make this happen. It really worked. Yergen, I'm sure, is a joy on set, is my guess. That's a movie that, like, you'd hear about and you'd be more inclined to believe existed, right?

Like, oh yeah, Yergen Proknow in that fucking island of Dr. Moreau that they did in the 90s, woof. I remember for a long time, I had not seen this in its entirety until the other day, like clips of it here and there or whatever. Obviously, the Los Souls doc has some footage from it, whatever. But, like, part of me was always like, Marlon Brando is Dr. Moreau, Val Kilmer. That's not a real movie. That's a fucking fantasy, alternate dimension movie. And boy, is it all too real, unfortunately. That Val Kilmer is also just, he's Montgomery.

He's not even the main guy. Like, the lead of the movie is not on the poster. I watched the 70s one the other day. Me too. Mount Gummer in that it's back when you can back in the day

and we need to bring this back where it's just like a sort of fat guy was viewed as tough so it's just like this fat guy that was a mercenary and he's got a very minimal role in that 77 production

Oh really? So yeah a couple of stuff about like the versions and whatever and then we'll get into this one but yeah made first adaptation of the H.G. Wells book of the same name

comes out in 1896 first version of this was Island of Lost Souls with Bill Legalsi and Charles Lotton. That is a pre-code horror movie. That shit gets fucking wild. That's a really crazy movie. Capital G. Great.

The thing about the 77 one I wanted to point you guys to, which is a nice little in our WHMU trivia world here. But so, yeah, Michael York and Bert Lancaster playing Dr. Moreau, right? This movie is directed by Don Taylor. Now, if that name was sort of familiar to you, here's why. Escape from Planet of the Apes. Damien Oman 2, the final countdown, but then get this. He directed that 1973 Tom Sawyer movie with Johnny Whitaker, the idiot father from a talking cat.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, Rodney Dangerfield. He directed that fucking movie. I can't believe it. The Planet of the Apes connection makes total sense because in the 70s version, they look like rejects from the Planet of the Apes.

No, really? The 70s version is just a Planet of the Apes movie to me. Like it's essentially that on the island of Dr. Moreau. And it's also just like it's all got all that new Hollywood stuff. It's a little too like pristine for what it's trying to do. It should be a little more trashy, a little bit more junkie. Speaking of trashy and junkie, let me hit play really quickly. Oh, oh.

Coming soon to Theos. Yeah. It's the VHS trailer game. We're doing it this year, folks. We're doing it every goddamn month. They're going to make a documentary called like Lost Soul. about me losing this game thousands of times. That's right.

Eric Siska, former champion of the VHS. He was at least won. Yes. This is America's favorite game about Absolute Materials. What did Bruce Dern have to say about it a long time ago? Oh, he said, um... I'm sure it's a game that four Simpletons can play at one time. Totally right. We are

four Simpletons, and we are going to play it at one time. The current score right now... Oh, no. Eric Siska, 24 points, a respectable 24 points. hyena man Chris Cabin just laughing at 25 points and Tamora Morrison in a bad wig in 36 points Andrew Juppin ladies and gentlemen

Tim Morrison yeah dude hell yeah really really bring it this week I got so I got I got a couple of rounds here this is off the Island of Dr. Barrow VHS the first two are actual clues off of that and then we got a quick little bonus round that we'll do for funsies yeah so without further a poo. Okay. Without further ado,

here it is. Round one. Game Master's clue. All right. Memory loss leads to high octane action in a female-led film for once from this prolific action screenwriter. Memory loss.

Eric Siska. Point of no return? It is not the point of no return. Andrew Jupin. Long kiss, good night. It is exactly the long kiss. Good Night. Proliving action screenwriter, of course, Shane Black,

memory loss. Apparently, by the way, tribute, trivia on this one. On the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon in 2014, or in 2019, Samuel Jackson listed bitch as his favorite role. Of all time. Yeah. All of the roles.

I can see it. All of the roles he's ever done. I remember when that happened, I didn't like see the clip or whatever, but I remember like somebody wrote about it or mentioned it someone. And I was like, I mean, all right. Yeah, sure. Why the heck not? I guess.

I mean, playing for Shane Black like that. I could see. I mean, that's, he's clearly having a ball with that. If you watch the movie, he's clearly having so much fun. It's a real Sam Jackson movie with a great Gina Davis performance as well. All right. Round two. All right.

Game Master's Clue. Another action movie, this time with two Pulp Fiction Alums instead of one. this one, a remake of a Currisawa film of all things, resets the story at a Prohibition era Ghost Tales. Chris Gavin. Last Man Standing. It is Last Man Standing. Exactly. That's a movie we have to do. It's crazy we haven't done it yet.

I love to do that. It's not that bad. You know, we got what Walkins in there and Bruce Willis. Good cast. It's kind of fun. I think there's some Bruce Willis butt in that movie. Oh, yeah. It's a real like Two Guns movie, if I remember. He's got two guns the whole time. Big two guns. movie absolutely. As a matter of fact

so much so that when Gold and I came out and you had those two little silver guns that you could do I kind of would be like I'd say to my brother like let's do last man standing because somehow we were little kids that had seen last man standing like at least five times. That makes a tonne. I think I did that exactly true which is also sad.

All right so here we go. This is a round where I'm going to ask each one of you it's going to be just you know no one can buzz in the way it's going to go if the gentleman gets it incorrect, someone can, the other two can steal two points by raising their hands and say, oh, it's actually this.

Okay. Make sense? Okay. So round three is they remade that. Excellent. Andrew Jupin, which of the following was not a remake? I'm sorry, which was the following was not remade? So that all these movies were

the first of their kind. And except one of them, the others were. gone on to be remakes. Yes, you're looking for the one. The one that was not remade. Exactly. Yes, I understand. I understand the task.

Okay. Okay. Now, here we go. Was it Papillon, fame, charade, valley girl, or white men can't jump? Papillon,

fame, charade, valley girl, or white men can't jump. I know it's definitely not charade, charade because that went on to be remade as the absolute worst time Jonathan Demi ever had on a movie set

with The Truth About Charlie. Oh, well, that it was. Hold on. Is that really... Wait a second. God damn it. All right. Wait a second. 10 points to Andrew. That's 10 points to Andrew. How did I fuck that up? That's incredible.

All right, hold on. So wait a second. So wait as like, Valley Girl was remade. That was going to be my guest. That's the... Valley Girl was remade in the COVID pandemic. That's my mistake. Okay. Yay, free points for me. You get five full points for beating the game master at his own game, which will happen. Look at that, dude. I just beat the fucking Kobayashi Maru of the VHS trailer game. Never happened under a Game King administration. That's fair. Just never happened.

Yeah, Chris is like, well, least the trains ran on time. I get it. I understand. Oh, man. Oh, man. Here we go. Round four. We're going to keep going because I can't kill myself yet. They remade that horror edition for Eric Siska. Oh, boy. And I think I got this one right. Okay, I love that anything can happen on this show. Steve, by the way, they've made more than one Dracula movie. Did you know?

Well aware. Well aware. Okay. Okay. So they remade that horror edition. Eric Siska, same deal as the last one. So I'm looking for what was not remade. What was not remade?

Unless it was remade. And if you know that and I don't, you get five points. That's the second point. of it, part of it. Here we go. Was it cabin fever, the lost boys, martyrs, witchboard, or I spit on your grave? Oh my God. Well, I know it's not the last two. Fuck, this is tough. Cabin fever, the lost boys, martyrs, and you're saying that which board, and I spit on your grave were remade, which you may or may not be. And this is not counting sequels. Like, it could have sequels. Yeah, a full on actual remake, an honest to goodness remake. Ideally, that would, that,

That doesn't call the truth about Charlie, though. I'll say Marauders. Martyrs? Martyrs. Yeah. Incorrect. It is the Lost Boy. Oh, I thought we were going to.

Yeah. Well, you know. Because the Lost Boys, the Lost Boys has like two sequels that they made like 10 years ago or something. I would have picked that up. But it's okay. Corey Feldman and other guy, the other Frog Brother, like, return. I have not ventured into those waters just yet. Okay, here we go.

Last one for Chris Cabin. Now, this is different. That was a remake. So these are all remakes. Okay. Or I'm sorry. One of these is not a remake. One of these is not a remake.

And that's what I got to find. That's the one you've got to find in the pair. In the thing. So one of these is a one and done. The other ones are remakes of something else. Angels in the Outfield. Lady Hawk. Knock, knock.

Unfaithful. And meet the parents. Angels in the outfield Lady Hawk Knock Knock Unfaithful And finally Meet the Parents

You know I think I'm gonna go with Lady Hawk You are correct It is Lady Hawk It's the one not remake Apparently there's some French Meet the Parents Is some remake

Yeah Which I only learned that like two weeks ago Funny enough We were doing that so much In the night Like you don't know How fucking far it went It went

Almost every comedy that came out in the 90s was influenced or was first a French movie or an Italian movie. And there's a reason they didn't remake Lady Hawk. Not great. You know what? It's like medieval. You got Rucker Howard in there, right? But Matthew Broderick plays Aria Stark pretty much. Yeah.

Oh, really? And he's never done the deed yet. He's just talking like Ferris Bueller in the Middle Ages. That's a Donner, right? I think it is a Dick Donner. Yeah. That's so. sucks. To go back, so that's

our, sorry. You know what? If you beat the game, can you get five points? That is always the rule here. We're also doing this a little early in the morning. So, that is the VHS trailer game for this round. By the way, to circle us back, do you know who was in

offered the role of the David Dwellis role in Island of Dr. Moreau? Matthew Broderick. Really? I'm sorry. No, so Michael J. Fox was, which I love that idea, which is just like, Doc, are you telling me

you're turning your kids into fucking apes or whatever? Marty, we got to turn your kids into apes or fucking hyenas. Marty, look right here. I've got this little guy. He's kind of a worm person or something. It's great. He's only a little shorter than you, Marty. He's only a little bit.

I think Doc Brown would get a different. to some fucking human genetic stuff afterwards. Easily could have. If he was crazy enough to think up the flux capacitor, he could be crazy enough to think up fucking leopard man. Maybe it's because I'm getting a little older now. Some would say wiser, but I

feel like I don't have the moral adversion to this anymore. To what? To leopard people? Yeah. I mean, what the hell? Who cares? I just, it doesn't seem like, of all the things that are going on right now, Eric, I just don't think we need to add that on.

That should not be the cherry on top if we're playing with fucking DNA and fucking putting cats into people and people like... To be the devil's advocate here. Like, think about this, you know, I don't hear about, I don't know, I guess dogs get cancer too, don't they? Yes, they do.

There's going to be some animal that you mash it with us and it might, you know, let's say I'm dying from cancer, you might as well inject some dog at the same time. Sure, live out the rest of your days, licking your asshole. But you never know. what's going to how it's going to all interact. Or you die respectively like most people should, you know,

end of life, it should happen. It's a good thing. It's part of life. Ideally, Chris, this should happen to hundreds of other people first. I see. Once they have it down, then it happens to be.

I'll tell you right now, I don't need to see these fucking Ninja Turtle rejects at my local bodega. I do not. With your fucking torn pants and your nose shirt and you're probably smelling like shit. No, no, no, no. Get out of here. Hold on a second.

Is this a podcast with John Lithgow from Footloose now? And they're torn pants. But I've seen people look just like how Andrew described. Every goddamn day. What's the difference if a guy has a snout? Hey, buddy. I'll take a bacon egg and cheese. Actually, just a bunch of raw bacon and applying.

Thank you very much. Oh, because I am half dog, I am just going to shit on your fucking floor now. As my right, as half dog. Thanks, pal. I can't believe it's Yankees losing street. week we're on. But the human half of you has to pick that up.

You bring the little baggies. I see. And you pick up your ship. Here's my thing with you, Eric. I would, if someone wanted to be a dog and wanted to go through,

wanted to spend all of the, the money that takes to whatever. Sure. Breeding dog people against their will, which seems to be the doctor's ammo here. Yes. Not so great with the emomination. Yeah, nobody's signing a fucking,

it's okay to do this to me, clause. We are making these things against. their will. Shock that you guys are so anti-science. And I'm the one person trying to advance society. Eric is pro-science, pro-kidnapping, pro-injecting things into people that they don't. As long as it's not you, I assume.

But again, the laughable notion of this is somehow advancing society. Give me a fucking break. Give me a break Eric Siska. Give me a break Dr. Moreau. You fucking quack. No way. Here's my question, too, is they are born from the test tube as, we're not doing like mutagen to real people. No, you know. As, as I understand it, it's an animal first situation.

Okay. It's the animals who are getting human DNA. See, not bad then, right? That's not like a, it's not like you're taking a human against their will, Chris. No, no, I'm going to say bad to be, you know, experimenting on animals in general, I think not great. I think it shouldn't be happening. But that's just me. At the end when they free, I think it's the Willis, freeze all the animals in the cages. that llama looks really relieved he's like thank you so much sir I never got to catch your name but thank you so much

that llama ran right out of that laboratory and straight into the fucking ocean and killed itself I'm sorry that llama that llama cannot unsee the horrors that has been made to see in that cage keep in mind this is you know the first guy doing it and maybe if he was allowed to do his research in the United States or somewhere and publish some papers and then people would then pick up where he left off

and maybe get it right. The only way to really eradicate cancer is to turn us all into a super race of dog people. Published, where? Cracked magazine? What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, I had a subscription to that as a kid. Yeah.

You could have gotten the Moreau fucking essay on how we should breed dogs and llamas. Oh, dude, do you think like fucking RFK Jr. is like a frog person? And he wears like, you know, when the 89 Batman the Joker wears like peach makeup to go out, a human being. If you sprayed him with like fucking uh, seltzer, his face would be green. Like, ah, fuck me out at me as a frog person. Exactly. Dude, all his fucking bronzer falls off,

and he's just a fucking like olive green looking monster man. Totally. Justice has to come to Frogtown. It has to, finally. Hell already came. So justice has to fall. Can we talk about the amazing opening credits that sets up a movie that you are not going to watch? But it also, it also sets up a pretty cool, uh, ex-exam. opening credits just four years later definitely. Cells are dividing. There's eyeballs. We get shots of like forests,

lightning. It's so much microscope footage. There's so much intense music that you will never hear ever again. No. They got that from like the same people that made the trailer and they were like, oh, we can't put that throughout the whole movie. Some of the rave scene is a little aggressive.

I think you get some of that music there when you're getting the great, but that's pretty far down the line. Yeah. Should say, as as disgusting as these monsters are and they are supposed to be. Stan Winston affects here. Great stuff throughout. Yes. Yeah.

Stan Winston in this movie lets you know, reminds you that movies are a collection of jobs. And everyone shows up to do their own job. Sometimes you can say, that guy did a fucking great job. You know what I mean? And that's Stan Winston in this movie. It looks amazing.

They're supposed to look nasty and dirty and gross. The 70s one had more dignity. It's like you're hanging out with Dr. Zias on the Island. See, that's kind of like, if I can have a cocktail with these people. The way that Winston does these, right, it's like, it is token Razor from Ninja Turtles.

Like that, that's the vibe that it gives off here. They're disgusting. You can smell it through the screen. If I'm with like Michael York and some like classy leopard person with like an ascot, like maybe that's one thing. But if it's, again, pissing and shitting itself outside,

no, no. It's look at Brando. He can't do goddamn shit. right and like Bert Lancaster is like a normal guy in that movie and he's like walking around with pants on. Oh, okay. So I think that's why this is all degraded. This is more so he's not dressed like your grandmother's couch. Is that what he's not dressed as?

As big as your grandmother's couch too, by the way. This episode's brought you in part by Rocket Money. I need help. I need help getting my finances under control. Yes. And I'm sure you do too. You know the amount of time I was. spending each month trying to get my finances under control before Rocket Money was staggering,

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practices and that will allow you to save money and in turn time. So let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash WHM. That's Rocketmoney.com slash WHM. Rocketmoney.com slash WHM. And that stands for We Hate Movies. The 77 more like yeah you would want to hang out with that moreau but he is less convincing as a madman. Sure. He's not got that like the thing I'll give Brando I think it's a terrible performance in general. But like at least I'm like that's a fucking crazy guy. Right there is a fucking crazy guy.

What I'm saying is is it really that crazy? Yes. Oh, I'm 100% on this. It's fucking crazy. So we are set here at the beginning of the Java Sea in the South Pacific near Indonesia. This is David Thulis as Edward Douglas this time out and he stuck on a life raft with two other

fellows and the first like five minutes of this movie is some Thulis narration just about like, and here's how I watch them beat each other to death and it was fucking horrible. This is like the end of like another movie David Thus was just in. I hate to keep parking back

to the 70s one but it's such a bet. It's like he wakes up in the life raft. There's two guys. One of them dies from like you know deidration and they both just don't. If there's no dialogue, you just know what's happening. I don't even spelled out for me,

David Thulas. I kind of want to see this shark attack also because the two dudes, he's like, the two men will go out of each other for the last canteen and they both go in the water and then you see this shark like,

hi, how are you? Yeah, that's the addition here. Yeah, that's the 90s edition is having the shark eat someone here. It's great.

Honestly, a shark attack is always a nice edition. But I was just like, oh man, is this like a Moreau guy? Is it like a shark? with the face of fucking B. Arthur or something? What's going on?

Fucking great. She said the show. Maybe so you're right, Steve. Maybe he was, this was fresh off of like life is sweet. And he, at the end of life is sweet, he gets on a plane and it crashes in the ocean. And that's what David Lewis ended up. I thought just as savagely as they did, which is a great line he's got here. But so this other boat finds him when he's like, he's just out in the sun cooking at this point.

This is the ship. Umbeck Panaru. and here we go Val Kilmer as Montgomery here he's kind of more of a veterinarian not so much a doctor he does not want to be in this movie and you can tell every frame

that he is just fucking with the production and just doing whatever he wants to do trying to torpedo his own career maybe this was the one that did him in for being hard to work with but maybe there was others I think it was a thing where it was like because the year before this movie came out was Batman forever

and I think Batman just kind to like broke that dude for a little bit as far as like being in like big movies and whatever and so here he goes here's his production with also like I don't know I wouldn't want to be here either you know what I mean like Richard Stanley gets fired I'm working with a fucking

totally insane Marlon Brando at this point like I wouldn't want to be here apparently he was there for contractual obligation who tried to get out of it which is always the best idea right is twisting someone's arm to do a movie yeah he was supposed to be the Thulis role and then they were like okay you can only

he only has 40 days we'll make him the Montgomery guy but you're right like the whole time and didn't he get divorced during this? That was his big problem. Yeah, Joanne Wally I divorced him and I'm like, you can just tell like he wants to be, he's probably all that meth thing he's drinking

it's probably real. I would imagine. And everything he's smoking in this movie. I bet you it's just one fucking sticky, juicy spliff after the next. So he Dula's wakes up in this boat and like he's like, oh, don't worry, you're fine.

you know, we're a couple days. We're going to go to this island and then a couple days later, you'll be able to, you know, go back to your people. Dualist was doing something with the UN, negotiating some treaty with Jakarta or whatever, which doesn't matter. Some peace settlement, it's completely irrelevant to the movie. It's weird because then you think like,

oh, maybe there's a ticking clock. He's got to go there and save the whatever conflict is happening, but we just forget about it. No, yeah, that's long gone. But also, like, this is the part of the end of the, which we'll go jump back and forth because we've all seen the movie. is he injected with monster juice here? Is he turning into?

Because at the end, he should be. Yes, but then he like leaves and is like, well, I'll be fine for the rest of my days, I suppose. No, he won't. What? The brilliance of the 70s version is they start outright making Michael York a monstar. And he's trying to reason with the monstar. He says, I'm a monster as well type of thing. They're not buying it.

He flees on the same life raft that he drifted to the island on. He's not picked up by a boat in that version. and he takes with Ferruza Bulks character here to go with him and then he's a monster guy and he doesn't have the serum so he regresses back to a human being so then it ends with him as a human being and they see a boat coming oh my god

he turns around and looks at her because there's a boat coming and then boom cat eyes I love fucking great ending that's a good ending cat eyes is always a good ending as we know absolutely oh man way better. Because it's weird because he's getting an IV because he's like, oh, you're

dehydrated and then later on he's like, you what did they do to me? And I'm like, what did they do to you? Because no one told me. Exactly. Yeah. And the funny thing is the movie has to show you. It does like a quick flash cut to like Thuleys back on the boat. Like remember at the beginning of the movie when he was getting medical assistance?

This is what we're referencing. I love Val Kilmer being like, oh yeah, this little mix of something I put together. I take some of it myself too. It's a little Jimmy Hendrix, a little rock and roll. I was like, when people describe drugs like that, it's the biggest turnoff for doing drugs

you can ever hear. Forget the Dare program, just have some asshole come up to you and be like, oh yeah, man, it's a little something I made up myself, a little concoction, it's a little Jimmy Hendrix, you'll never want to take it. You'll never want to take it. Exactly what you want to hear after you're about to drink a fucking half a leader of Jimmy Hendrix

is fucking, actually, also, you know what? That Captain Panari, he wants to rape you. It wants to get in on that, a little bit of that thuleous ass. That is a weird thing that is thrown in, like, keep him on the island, I guess. Because yeah, he's like, I might just stay with them on the boat

there, and he's like, well, you're going to get raped if you do. And then he's like, yeah, but I'll probably get raped on the island as well, honestly. Like, who do I need to fuck to get back to the UN is what I'm trying to figure out? And is it just this tiny little boatmaster or I got to fuck some cat person, which one is preferable?

I prefer the captain. I'd rather be in the captain's loving arms. Oh, dude. you see that little guy? I'd fucking split that guy in half. Are you kidding me? Come on now. I don't know. The cat lady for Ruzabolk. Yeah, it's not too bad. Well, that's a teeth situation,

man. I'm sorry. That's do Pesco right there. Sorry. What Andrew says, though, is the best case scenario, though, is if he turns eventually the captain wants to be like Sam Rockwell and White Lotus season three. And he wants to switch it around and be like, actually, I want to be like David Thuleus. I want to see myself get fucked. Exactly.

exactly what I'm saying. A Kilmer, by the way, on this doc, do you catch these short shorts? I thought he's going to be hanging brain in these shots. There's a lot of interesting wardrobe that Val Kilmer goes through. At one point, he's just wearing, he's wearing like a button-down shirt

with a towel as pants. It looks like. Apparently, he would just go into wardrobe and do whatever he wanted. And everyone's like, okay, because I think even Frankenheimer was like, I didn't know, because I kept seeing in the beginning, he's wearing this like, like, you know,

NBA basketball-esque, like elbow gar. Oh, yeah. And he kind of is just wearing it. And he's like, and Frankenheimer was like, I have no idea what that was supposed to be. I don't know. That's truly bizarre. Yeah. So like his whole, the whole not giving a shit.

Is that why the end of this movie is him doing this really like Woody Woodpecker antagonistic Marlon Brando impression the whole time? I think probably because they hated each other. And they must have just, they must have been like, he won't do a single take without doing this impression. I guess we just have to fucking keep it in the movie because he refuses. just talk like the character. It's awesome. Work with what you got. Honestly. But it's just basically

hey, welcome to the island. Yeah, don't worry. Like it used to be Japan. We used to be a hotel that it was this, that it was that. Here's these rabbit cages. I'm going to kill a rabbit. It's a big fucking deal for some reason. That's what I want more of though is like because he says yeah, there was the history of like

Japan had this island and then America had it for a little bit and then it went back to Japan where they tried to make it into a resort and then that failed. This needs to to be more of like when they go back to Jurassic Park after the first movie and you're seeing all the shit like rotted out and whatnot. I'd love that. Like the animals took over this hotel. You see it a little bit obviously because that's where they're like sleeping and things like that.

Or it's like triangle of sadness. Like all this shit's going on. Oh yes. A resort hotel like a mile down on the island. Absolutely, dude. That'd be fine. I would take that. And that's where all the fucking dog butlers and the monkey.

Everyone's behaved. There's no issues. Or just like, you know, me and my wife were pontooning back there. I think we saw a pig man. I don't want to. Is that a problem? I think you hit the nail on the head. Now, if this dog waiter guy could have been employed at this resort,

get some money in his hand. Suddenly, these guys are acting a little more evolved. Suddenly, you guys might be a little more accepted. Hi, hi, hi, yes. Is that a dog waiter I'm seeing over there? Yes, ma'am. We give them jobs. Oh, could you shoot him in the head, please?

Just seeing him just completely disgust me And I don't want to be here anymore You want him for dinner? Oh, could you please remove that offense To the Lord God really quickly? I can't deal with that. Yeah, we loved, oh my God, it was such a beautiful island And the water was like perfect blue.

There was a couple of abominations on it But other than that, it was really great. Well, but security was so good Because once you asked them to kill them, they did. They just did it right there. American, you know, our society, our psyche, our pop culture has yearned for stuff like monkey butlers for a long time. This is the only way you can actually get halfway decent service from a monkey butler is to cross breed them with a human.

Our wedding was so great at the Moreau Resort, but during the reception, a bunch of dog people came in and shit all over the dance floor. And so I'm going to have to leave it four out of five stars, unfortunately. Yeah, you really can't go back there. It seems like the hyena guy realized he could remove its chip. So once that happened, everything went fucking sideways. It used to be a beautiful resort. They tried. You know what?

They tried to make it better, though. And I appreciate this. After we said, like, could you get those bore people out of here? We don't want to listen or look at them anymore. After the daddy daughter dance, they did hang them in a ceremony outside of the hotel. And I really appreciated that. If you treated them with dignity, you didn't shock collar them every five seconds. They might not, you know, they might be a little well.

behaved. I think we should give it a shot. All right. Really advocating, going hard on this advocation. I love it for you. I don't know. It just, it's the ice thawed, you know, it just, I don't see, you know, the way the world is right now, could it hurt? Sure. Look, you got to believe in something, and I'd rather him

have something that he can believe in instead of all the nihilism. So I'll allow it. Fair, great. I'll allow it. So yeah, Kilmer takes him up to what is like the resort area or whatever they walk into this building, and he's like, oh, stick to the main house here. Don't go wandering around, you know, I won't be long

or whatever, and he's, Thueless is looking around all this office stuff, and this is where we see I don't know for what, I couldn't read it, but Dr. Moreau has won a Nobel Prize for something. See? I told you this. It's worth researching. I don't know if this is a joke that Val Kilmer

says, or if it's supposed to be the actual backstory, because again, like, I think Val Kilmer was going off book and whatever, but he does tell, he's like, oh, when they're walking around through it, it's like, I saw a Nobel Praj back there. It's like, oh, I missed that. And he's like, oh yeah, he won it for inventing Velcro, which I don't. Oh, yes, that's right.

Okay. I don't know if that's accurate. He's fucking. He's fucking with that. That is absolutely. Yeah. Yes, it's in the field of monster, actually. Yeah.

But oh, wouldn't you know it? David Thueless, while he's waiting around, he spies a sexy lady dancing, dancing like nobody's watching. Yeah. This is Faruza Balque as Ayesa, the super sexy sort of cat lady. Panther lady. Belly dancing stuff. which is fun. I don't think that she's...

I mean, it's a bad movie all the way through, although I kind of have fun with it. She's not right for this role. Like this, like, ingenue, like, you know what I mean? Like, that's just not the fruzebalk energy you want. There's no badassery to this character. And she's like a badass constantly.

Yes. And does badass very well. That's the thing is I think in the Stanley version, if you got more of, like, the character being cat-like and being a beast-more, that would tap more into what bulk is good at. I think she's, her and Thulis, I was most like, whatever. They're fine.

They're doing what they're doing. Doolus is very good, I think, actually. I want to see her eat a mouse or something. Yeah. That would be kind of cool. Dude, she just like drops it. She's like holding the tail like, go. Oh, man.

Or even they're having their fancy dinner and like she just starts swatting at her water glass. Could you stop that? It's going to fall off the table. It fell off the table. Great. Congratulations. A whole fish and puts it through her mouth and pulls out just the bones. It gets a trash can lid right on the table.

Yeah. I don't pick it from it. Dude, Maro should have a little fucking laser pointer and he's like putting it on the floor. You got to behave now. We're having dinner. Let's go. You know, I bought you a whole bed. Why are you sleeping on cardboard? I don't understand. I spent $2,000 on a bed and you're sleeping on that cardboard box that came in. We're not making lasagna again. There's no more lasagna. We're done with the lasagna.

Just don't tell her it's Monday. and dude you do you have like val kilmer sneaks up behind him like oh see anything you like kind of deal and she runs away at the sight of val kilmer and he definitely makes some line alluding to like he has had sex with this creature he says she's a pussy cat and that she's wild yeah that's the word and thueless at this point or whatever his name is what's his name he's not at douglas ed douglas yes douglas in his head is starting to make a list of literally who'd I have to fuck to get off this island. Kilmer is number one. Maybe I'd like to get another cat lady. You know what I mean? It's like, I am certainly going to have to get out of this by suck and cock. I don't know what it's going to be.

Exactly. Well, that's why I think like the cat lady, like, no way. Like there's no, there's not going to be like, you had an awesome time banging me. Now you can leave the island. No, no, no. It's, it's through, man. It's got to be fucking Val Kilmer or higher. Or the worm guy.

Panther Lady has at most the CD player that works the best on the island. That is about it. That is a benefit. It's interesting that you say that though because in this whole history or whatever, you know, like he's talking about like, oh yeah, spent like 17 years on the island. Moreau has. This is where the invented Velcro thing kind of comes in here or whatever. Shit, I forget where I was going with this in relation to everything.

I totally lost my train of thought. But yeah, this is just them like getting. getting set up. Oh, also the comsat has mentioned here. I think important. Oh, the comms down so we can't call anybody for you right now, David Thuleus. Well, yeah, this is, I mean, this is a horror movie. Oh, you've got to come in the house.

Oh, the phone's out, but you could stay the night kind of a deal. The horror thing, like, some of the cliches, they just go way too high on. The fucking thunder claps. The dramatic thunder claps, like, and his name was Douglas. Babon.

It's like, oh, and this is my cousin. Baboom. But he goes into, he puts, he, he's like, oh,

it's quite nice, actually. Maybe I can, because he's dualist in every movie he's ever been, even in that fucking bad Harry Potter movie,

he's horny the entire time. Like, oh, yeah. There's an aggressive sexuality about David Dueless. Even on Fargo as that monster guy.

Yeah. Horny. The day is long. He's a hot man. He is. He's horny sitting in Julianne Moore's apartment in the big Lebowski

looking through the records and laughing on the phone. He's horny as fuck right there. This dude is like a second away from whipping it out at any time. You put on some auto bond and this guy is fucking all day long. What was his name? Norris Harrington, the video artist? Yes, Knox Harrington. Knox Harrington, yeah.

The video artist. I feel like Alfonso Quaron was like, hey, this is a kids movie where I don't care. I'm just unbuttoning one button. Is that a big problem? Let's fuck. Well, certainly the parents would find it sexy. That's the only explanation why he's on that fucking Big Mouth show. Like, that is the only reason I can imagine.

Oh, David Thulis was on the Big Mouth cartoon? He's a recurring character on Big Mouth. It's fucking so silly. But he goes into his little room there. It's like, oh, it's quite nice. And then he finds out that it's a cage actually. You can't leave the island. Really unlocks himself pretty easily, I have to say.

He does the old, like, piece of paper under. where the because like Val Kilmer what are you doing leaving the key in the fucking door idiot you didn't count on my locksmith skills did you yes I used to be some sort of a burglar dude how about you just go to bed you know I agree I'd be like all right so I'm not allowed to leave the room all right okay or maybe you get the key out you put you take it but you don't leave you gain some trust with these people maybe instead of immediately snooping I mean you were just asleep I mean you should be asleep because you were just on this voyage Now, folks, if you live in a home, and I'm going to go ahead and assume you do,

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Get your home pest free with Pestey today. What's the cable situation in here? Do we get HBO or no? My goodness, why do I need that many Cinemax channels? How about mixing it up with some showtime or stars or something? Ew, stars. When he's doing some snooping, there's a great, like, he's walking by and he's like, what's that noise? And he looks in, and you don't see him yet because we got to, like, leave the reveal for later.

But it's Brando, like, sitting in a chair, like, singing to himself. Yes. And he just kind of walks by, like, not going to deal with whatever grandma's couch is doing over there. Just waddling. I just don't understand. I mean, like, Prok now, you could make a movie with, again, Brando is one of the greatest actors of all time and all that great stuff. But clearly the word was out in the 1990s. That dude was off the fucking deep end.

Like, you cannot have that guy part of your production. There was no, there was no purpose to, like, like, it's just, what a mistake even bothering. You know what? I'm going to go back and watch the rest of the rock. They got it on HBO, finally. The real ass-magnet movie, The Rock. Ed Harris, now that is a talent. So he hears some screaming as he's snooping around.

So he goes and here's some more horror. We're going to go into this laboratory. What's going on here? Oh, boy. We see some fucking fetuses and some jars. You know, that's not a good sign. And then he walks in on like, is this like a horse lady given birth or so? I don't know what's going on.

I thought kangaroo. I read kangaroo, but I might be wrong. I might be wrong. Kangaroo could be. Pig-ish also. Guys, it's the miracle of life. I thought this was very beautiful to hold and seeing all of her udders hanging out.

Yeah, dude, were you tillated by all the nudity in this movie? I was, yeah. All the animal nudity? I mean, do you think this like awakened some people? Definitely. Sounds like it's awakened to you. It sounds like you are... No, no.

I like when they wear pants. I like... That's what I wish all animals. I wish my cats had little outfits on. So I didn't have to even think about nudity. That asshole, yeah. I agree. I will say what had awakened.

some people was, Andrew, do you remember that episode of a Batman the animated series that was the island of Dr. Moreau where Catwoman becomes a cat woman? Yes. That is an exceptionally sexy episode of children's television. It is pretty hot, dude. It is

I'll tell you what, it is too hot for daytime TV. I'll tell you right now. That is, that really, they were fucking writing that episode. They were drawing that episode and they were just like, we are going to fucking rewire so many brains at once. It's almost an evil

villain scheme from a movie. That was the 90s. It's like, come on, isn't Beisciety a little sex? Come on. Let's let's start to talk. Come on. Come on, it's a little sexy, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, come on. Listen, it's just us here. It's just us here.

You'd fuck that cat, right? That's what it's doing. If she talked like Adrian Bobo is what I'm saying. All I'm saying, that cat's telling her, Adrian Bobo, you might fuck that care. You're making me make some tough decisions, cartoon, I'll tell you what. I do, I'm surprised as we snuck out

with a PG-13, especially with these horse titties or whatever's going on here. Whatever's going on here. So it's like a birth that's going on. And then there is like a, there's like a medical team, but then there is like monster doctors. And the monster doctor, dude, a fucking dog person

with a surgical mascot is very fun. And a fucking like surgical like hair thing. I'm like, those are doing nothing. There is hair everywhere. They're doing stuff. They're doing stuff. They're able to assist in surgeries. I mean, and these could be very helpful in the future. I need to see the schoolhouse where Brando is like,

Nursing 101. So you're going to want to take the baby. Take it out and then, well, it's probably going to be dead. Considering what we do here, it's probably going to be dead as soon as it comes out. Only animals with fingers can apply to be doctors. I keep saying this, the holes don't work. You know, how about this? This is a solution to the United States is medical issues. Like, you know,

insurance is so high. Give me like a cheaper insurance that I go to the dog doctors. Oh my God, dude. That's a bad idea. Why? We're not even with it. We don't have the dog doctors yet, Eric. You're talking about something as 30 years away. A man can

dream. Sure. But he almost throws up and is now terrified. Yes. And like, this is where Fruselbach grabs him. She's like, there's a way off the island or something, just follow me. You just got to, all right, there is a way off the island. You just have to go to my friend's one-man show.

It's right this way. It's in a black box theater. It's not that bad. I promised him I'd go, even here people are handing out flyers for a show. No one wants to go to it. Come on, you gotta come to the show. It's the only way I can get stage time is if I recruit people to another show. Come on, right this way.

I see that Comedy Central. Come here. Here he comes. As far as you know, But this is They go to whatever this air Which again, we don't explain what this place is. Is this like the animal hangout place? I think this is what was supposed to be more. I think it's supposed to be more of like

This like abandoned resort. I see. That was on this island that the Japanese were running at some point or another or whatever. But I do love she's like, yeah, I can take you to where we can get off. You just got to promise not to. to narc on us. It's really, she's like, you can leave the house, just probably, you won't tell anybody that we're here. They meet this other monster,

this dude who's like wearing a bow tie and he's like, oh, well, right this way. Oh, he meets the monkey man first, who the monkey man is like, the monkey man's really important at the end. It's a real, I'll miss you most of all, monkey man. I'm like, this guy was out of the movie. I don't remember this guy. Yeah, no.

Azasamon. Yeah. I think this guy's name. She's like, oh, no, he's a friend. Five fingers. Look, he's got five fingers. Yeah. Right. Oh, right. We have five finger too, and they're like kind of buddies because, you know, the five finger discount. We have seen also, by the way, they're walking, they're following this monkey guy and they come across the leopard dude with, this is Mark DeCos. Yes.

Crazy. As this leopard, panther person or whatever this is. And he's like drinking from a river and they're like, oh, hey man. Because the whole one of the big parts, by the way, we didn't mention is like there's no killing of animals on this island. So they see like a dead rabbit hanging from a tree. and this leopard dude's like having a drink and then this is didn't need to have this in the movie

because it doesn't make it cool at all this dude turns into a CGI cartoon and like runs away into the forest it looks so poor oh my god anytime the effects kick in on this one just blind yourself it's real bad

it's fucking bad he looks great I think I think he looks really cool yeah right the act until it turns it to a CGI yeah yeah yeah low my by the way is the character name

uh Assamon, the monkey guy is this dude Peter Elliott, who was like a world-renowned movement artist. So like a proto-Andi circus kind of dude. Of the Doug Jones kind of dude, yeah. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, this is this village that's made up of all these like crashed planes and shit. I mean, this has to be like other people that have washed up on the island or whatever

and we're just kind of keeping all this stuff. And you just know it smells like shit. Is that Amelia Earhart's plane over there? Dude, genuinely surprised there wasn't something thrown in about that. Amelia, a half shark woman. Kill me! Oh, here's where she's been all this time. But yes, we go to the lawgiver, the Sayer of the Law's One Man Show.

This Sayer of the Law shit, Eric, is this in the other one? It is. It is. Like, Sayer of the Law, that's a fucking plan of the 80s. He's not as uppity. The one in the 70s, verse. version is much more of just like he's just a man. Like he just kind of hangs out with the rest of the

guys. He isn't like so like, I am the seyer of the law. He's just like roaming around. He's part monster though still. Yes, yes. And what's, it must have been in the book prominently because in the credits of the 70s version, it's like, and the seyer played by. Oh, weird.

Okay. Ron Perlman is the seer of the law. He's a blind ram person, which is great effects here. Yes, I like this. And he's giving the speech about his whole thing is like we become civilized by acting like human beings we have to ignore

our like base animal instincts and act like men we are men blah blah blah one shall not kill one shall walk on two legs and whatever else he said father made us men we are will be men I don't really know what that means

but he's um he's working with he's getting there you know I did the beauty and the beast thing in the 80s and all they want to do is slather my fucking face and all this makeup. Every single time, I'm just drenched in makeup. Speaking of that, man, he was like a sexy cat person

that people wanted to have sex. Oh, dude, people were rewiring in the 80s for Ron Perlman and Beauty and the Beast because he did look better than an actual Ron Perlman. It's true. And then they make him like a dullard in that city of lost children. I'm like, man, can you give him just a normal role maybe?

How about that? I think, like, once he started doing mafia stuff, like in drive, like, oh, he's a human being. That's fun. Yeah, the motorcycle show, I think, really helped people realize. Because, like, that fucking Star Trek nemesis, he's a monster in that for sure. He's a monster in Blade 2. A hellboy, obviously.

Sure, the most famous of all the monsters he's played. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to think of, like, other stuff. I mean, he also is a human being, he's a human being in Kronos, which is surprising. Oh, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Is he in Mimick?

I get Kronos and Mimick mixed up, actually. He might be. I'll look it up. I'll be able to find out soon enough. I just bought the Mimic 4K because the Guillermo cut is on it. I'm very excited to see how that movie was actually supposed to be. But so, uh-oh, the father approaches. And this is the big debut of Mr. Marlin being carried in by these fucking guys.

And he's got all the sunscreen on because they got a little bit of a skin problem in this movie of some shit. Excuse me, I'm finishing a bowl of polenta here. This is my look for the summer, by the way. Definitely. Oh, yeah, dude. Paliquin? How much you're saving up for a palanquin or you got that money already? Well, can you lend me it?

I cannot. Palekins are pretty expensive, buddy. I can't confirm this. One, Ron Pram will not mimic. I can't confirm this. Okay. But I guarantee you these bad stupid teeth is Marlon Brando's idea. Because, like, there's so much going on with the character already.

We've got, he's a biggest life and quite as ugly. He's got the fucking outfits on. He's got the makeup. Sure. Why the stupid teeth? Like, why does he need stupid, silly teeth? You know what's crazy is, so this is 96. He's got these teeth.

It's like fake buck teeth, right? He's a big dude. I'm sorry, he kind of just is made up to look like Louis Anderson. Yeah, okay. Louis never did the cue ball. Like that wasn't a thing. But like this is kind of Mrs. Baskets. Sure.

I get that. Sure. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I just saw it and I was like that's unfortunate. I got you. I don't think, I don't think Louis was so good about the sunscreen. Like I saw, he was not, you know, quick on the sunscreen thing.

Like we should, we all should be using it more, it turns out. Guys, I got to slather myself and all the sunscreen before I go out on Las Enaga. And now I'm all wet. Oh, no. You're not allowed to kill, guys. How many times do I have to tell you? Come on, worm guy. Let's play a piano duet.

Why do you find it so impossible that I'm a vegetarian? I do find it impossible. This is a better movie, I think, with Louis. Yes. Because later he's eating these green beans, and I'm like, this dude must eat a lot of green beans to get to where he's at. That should be like a David Thule. is like slinking around the fucking compound one night.

And it's like, let me see what we got on here. And he like, he spies Dr. Moreau opening the fridge and just fucking gnaw on a big ham steak or something. By plain pallets of Doritos being fucking dropped into the island of Dr. Moreau. He's got to be at least eating those fetuses or something. He's eating something. I'm a vegetarian.

I only eat the cheese tombstone pizzas four at a time. I fold them up And I shove him in my mouth Oh dude he stacks On top of each other Oh yeah Yes exactly Life hack

I call it a leaning tower Of tombstone Oh shit dude I accept that challenge It reminds me At one time I was Years and years and years ago I was getting lunch

With a person Who was a friend of a friend And I didn't care for this person Too much And at that particular lunch I was being lectured about the benefits of veganism and how I gotta be a vegan

and this is so healthy to be a vegan and this is not the other thing while this person consumed by herself the largest thing of French fries I've ever seen on person tackle and I was like something about this lecture doesn't ring true to me

it'll happen he's like oh don't be so see now I'm doing it was always bad to begin with but now it's like now it's veering too Louis but he's like give dualists the gun you know But we're all going to trust him.

And like Val Kilmer, who doesn't want to be in this movie, he's like, sure, shoot me in the head. I don't care. Yeah. This is also, we learned that Dr. Moreau has this compliance device where he can press a button. And yes, all of these monsters have implants in them that make them feel pain and this, that, the other thing.

Is that from the OG or not so much? Yeah, I don't think so. No, no, I think he's just eating people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good old fashion whips and chains, you know. I do not believe in killing another. animal causing it severe pain on the other can. I have a hundred

percent okay with. Absolutely on board with that. Don't worry about it. Psychological torture and slavery totally fine. Killing is absolutely wrong. Bad, bad, bad, bad. And also we have to talk about everyone's favorite character his Nelson de la Rosa

as Majal is this gentleman's name. Majai, I think. Magi. He is the best. He is incredible. Anytime he's not on screen. I'm like, what's that guy has to? Because I am just, and apparently Brando like insisted this guy

was in more scenes. That's why he became his like little helper because he was like obsessed with him. I'm like, I agree with Marlon Brando. This is this one. Because Brando knew there is something it is universally hilarious, right? And like with zero context, it's still

universally hilarious. A big guy juxtaposed next to a little guy. It's just funny all the time. And he knew he was as fucking big as grandma's couch. Get this little guy. It's going to be great. They're fucking playing the piano together. They're going to hit Vegas with this. That's the thing. Is the resort

should have gotten these guys as a dueling piano's presentation. And we might have really had something here. I mean, he's magnetic. You see him. He lights up the screen. And then later on in the film, when he disrobes, I'm like, Jesus, you're seeing this guy naked now. I think that that's a body suit.

I don't think that guy looked like that. It's a body. His character. His monster character. Yes. Sure. stripped of dignity, but he doesn't seem to mind. No, he's having a great time. This is, we meet him during the introduction of, because like, Moreau is like, now come and meet all of my children.

And you've got as a zello, this is Tamara Morrison, here is that character. And that he's like, he's the sort of lion person that's kind of in a tuxedo the whole movie. Yes. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. And then the guy from Europa, Europa is like the more timid. The sensitive one.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I was actually surprised that that was this dude. I was like, oh yeah, the kid from Europa Europa. How about that? That's him. I was looking for pictures of Nelson de la Rosa off of, out of costume, because I was just curious what he looked like. And I found one.

The first hit is from findagrave.com. Oh, come on. Wouldn't you know it? Wouldn't you know it? Well, you know what? If that's the first hit, it's the most recent location of the guy. Yeah, she passed away in 2006, FYI. I'll put in the chain.

He got a full 10 years after this movie came out. You know what? Shout out to findagrave.com because they did actually help me while I was on vacation in Portugal, find the grave of Manuel Dilever. Oh, wow. And I actually found it. I was like, oh, cool.

This is, oh, thank you. Did you, Chris Kevin doing SpodCon for findagrave.com. Yeah. Did you bring a shovel, Chris? It was all done, Eric. It was, it was open? Yeah, it was right. They were doing, what's it called?

maintenance. They were doing that on the grave. Yeah, yeah. I do think you got to be a little more chill, Dueless, because he, I mean, like, yes, you've never seen half human, half monsters, but he's going, ha, ho, what is that?

Who's that? And you gotta be like, you gotta, these are people, these are now your friend. You gotta be a little bit. You can't go to the bodega down the street and go, look at these people. Look at them. Look at them. Because you're like, a little guy is like trying to shake his head. what is that?

I'm like, okay. You can't point and say what is that. If the thing tried to shake your hand, come on. It knows what shaking hands is for. You then suggest it's satanic what has happened to you. Well, this entire island is an affront against God. I don't think that's true. I don't think so.

I'm with that. God didn't want you to have elective surgeries either. That's an affront. We affront God every day. It's a little different than it knows. job breeding a hyaena and a man. I disagree completely. Even so, Eric. Even so, if it's just that,

then it's still in the front. It doesn't change that fact. Okay. Well, I'm just saying, let's point out the hypocrisy in every day. Sure. Good point. Great point. Great point. So because this movie is a massive studio Chop job, there's just a horrendously awkward cut to them having

dinner. Marlon Brando barely has the line, I'm like to invite you to dinner, like out of his mouth before we cut to this dinner. Thuleus is not having it We've got Mero just waxing about the fucking devil or whatever But this isn't really funny The little guy puts his feet up on the table

And Dr. Morrow has to be like, oh no, oh no, don't Don't do that. Oh no, oh no, don't do that He's so disgusted with him. We do not do that And like sensitive is it Maline or whatever the dude is It's like reading poetry and it's like Oh, act for Malin and like Timor Morrison is like clearly jealous

Kind of sort of because he these are his children, but everyone is his children, but these are the ones allowed in the house, kind of, yes, a deal. I think in the sense, the ones that are his children that are allowed to the house are the ones that he's not molesting in some way. Yeah, okay. Hands off of these ones, but anything else is fair game.

Where you going, little worm guy? Come back. Douglas, don't you think that that, the cap person there, don't you think they could have a tighter ass? Just a little tighter, look a little hotter. You'll get him next time, Doc. And then, you know, we're talking about the devil. You know, I like the whole, like, Marlon Brando lines.

Like, I've seen the devil in the microscope. Yes. Yeah. Cut him to pieces. He doesn't do a great job of explaining why this is a good idea. He's like, well, I'm just, I've created a society that's perfect and it's amazing. And I'm like, is it like, what is why the animal? I don't know.

He doesn't really. We're trying to get rid of violence in people. Like, that's the idea is that he's going to find the cure for violence. Well, that's the thing, right? Because his whole reasoning is, like, human beings are the only beings on this planet, sentient beings on this planet that, like, wage war with one another and willfully destruct their environment and this, that, and the other thing. So he's trying to make humans have the mentality of animals.

So we stop that stuff is the idea, I guess. Yeah. Sure. Maybe. Call it far-fetched, if you ask me. Maybe back in the 19th century, you might have had a maybe something going. But once we can have, like, cars and. shit, you're fucking done for it, brother.

This kind of reminds me, I've plugged it a few times, but that declassified with David Dukovny show that I think is on Max, coming back for a second season, by the way, but they have an episode that's dedicated to, like, horrendous like historical science experiments by governments, and they talk about the Soviet Humane Z.

Oh, yes. And it's awesome because, like, a lot of times with these kind of shows, like, if you're the host of it and you're narrating it, you just kind of like say what it is and that's it. There's like no editorial. Dude, David Dukovny trying to talk about Humanzis and he cannot cover his like disgust for the idea. It's so funny. So that would have been, yes, a hybrid of a chimpanzee man army.

To make the ultimate Soviet army. Yeah. To make. To make the best, the soldier that will go right for the fucking nuts. Yeah. Grab him, grab him, grab them. Yep. just it just sounds cute

I would love to see them in a helmet and a little coat you know march into the front sure yeah but again duelus because he's like yes

this will be the perfect the thine and it's getting there just give me a couple of years that's gonna get there and then like but you can't with all these horrific monstrosities

and like the dude is just eating like a salad like excuse they're talking about me right exactly He's talking about the worm guy. Don't worry about it. It's all about how these people,

I'll call him people, I'll be brave enough. How they're people. Look, it's all about appearances for this guy. And, you know, what a shock, Mr. Western civilization, thumb in their nose at everyone else. Mm-hmm. It's true.

So Val Kilmer's character decides he's going to stir the pot a little bit and has rabbit served at the table here. Brando's freaking out. Oh, don't eat that in front of me. don't eat that in front. I couldn't possibly. Like, he was like, oh, he attempted me too much. Here we go.

I'm going to eat it now. But he's chastising them telling him that you got to go in the kitchen, wash your hands. This is terrible. It's disgusting. Is that saffron? Oh, my God. Malai, two tombstones forthwith. I just couldn't need two veggie tombstones to get all the rest.

Yes. By the way, we have this line about like, oh, we saw a headless rabbit in the jungle earlier as well. And he's like, who is responsible for that? And then they say, well, it was Lomai. And to remind us the audience, we have a flashback to seeing what Lomai looks like. Which is incredible. Absolutely.

You have to. And it's a really fucking terrible edit here too because they're like, oh, wow. Yeah, it was Lomai totally did the deed. They're dead. Sorry about that. And he's like, all right. We're going to have a trial tomorrow. And like before tomorrow is out of his mouth.

We cut to David Dulles like waking up from some nightmare screaming. And I was like, did anybody check this edit before we sent it out to the theaters? Yes. What the fuck? No. Then it's just immediately he wakes up in the night and then starts more snooping around, right? Yes. Extra snoopy snoop.

He falls into this boat. Dude, we got to talk about this. I forgot about this. The fact that these little things do not come back ever again in the movie. He's trying to sneak out. So he sneaks to the dock at night and there's a boat there. He's an idiot. He falls into the boat.

And then he's like, oh, did I hear something? What could possibly be making that noise? And it's like little rat people. Yeah, a miceman, I call them. Yeah, my notes. Dude, there's like seven of them and they're like hissing at them and whatnot. Ew! They look exactly like it.

It makes sense because it was a year earlier and it was the same studio, New Line Cinema. They look like Reptile. Remember when Reptile came around in Mortal Kombat, the little thing, the little... Oh, yes. The little... The little... He turns into actual reptile, a little

CGI monster guy. It's the same thing, but it has a little mouse ears on it. That's the only difference. Dude, these things are fucking crazy. I was just picturing when they're all in the office in Muppet Christmas Carol, like, it's an island in the sun and they're all fucking dancing.

Like, dude, what is going? And like, he's just like, oh, that's disgusting and runs away, but like, we never see them again. You need these guys to infiltrate the compound. They got to come. He's got to be swimming. whotting these things off. Oh, really? Val,

you think you have the upper hand. You didn't expect me to make friends with the rat people. Get them, my pretties. My rat army. My rat army will protect me. Fuck yeah, dude. That would be awesome.

I'm king of the rat people. Actually. I've called my good friend, Mike Lee, and we will be making a sequel to this film where I bring the rat army back to England. And we take them for what they were. Hell yeah. And you show Mark Cock as God intended.

Yeah, that's not an abomination. No, sir. He's also got this like rumor of a mustache going on in this movie. Like it's just like and it's it's sometimes there like you really like it's a magic guy. Oh, he's got a mustache. It's very much like oh like that little little British aristocratic kind of mustache. He's had that mustache and a lot of so. I think that's his Knox Harrington mustache is just a little pencil guy.

guy. Oh, yeah. So it's the next day we've got this trial and Ron Perlman, you know, he's the sayer of the law. And he's saying our laws say, don't kill any living thing. Evil is he who breaks the law. And we got to fucking call out Lomai here in front of everybody. Lomai tries to assassinate his own father in this moment. Get zapped, a good, a good mid-pounce, like mid-air zapping and he kind of falls limp, which is cool.

Very importantly, Lomai and Haina guy are like this. They're fucking brothers, dude. The dog butler just grabs a gun and shoots him in the head. And then, father, I can't believe. Where'd you get that gun? And I'm like, what are you talking about? And it's like, sorry, father. I thought you wanted me to enforce the law.

No, like that. You just said Lomai broke the law, you know? He killed the living thing. So that was the break. It's a loaded term to use law. And so he just said rules. House rules. Okay.

Yeah, exactly. No, I didn't want any violent I didn't want this. Why didn't you have polenta with me instead? Why didn't you just do what you're supposed to? They cook this dude up in the first of a few Star Wars funerals. Yeah.

And the wild thing about this is you're watching this guy cook up. Yeah, that's a wrap on Mark DeCos from this movie. But all the fucking animal people are watching it. But if you watch what's going on, they're sniffing because they can smell him cooking up. It smells good.

It does. That's good eating. Maybe I shouldn't have put all that rosemary on his grave. When it's falling off the bone, bring it back to daddy, okay? Little guy, go, when it falls off the bone, get your little hands in there. Bring it back to daddy. That should be his little snack guy that's giving it little bites. I need to hear him say multiple times, bring it back to daddy.

Get those peanut M&Ms, bring it back to daddy, okay? Oh, I forgot to flush. Go take care of it and then come back to daddy. No, jiggle it. Jiggle it for daddy. Jiggle the handle for daddy. Yeah, he's just having him do chores. Go run the dishwasher for daddy and then come back.

It's fine. We're not wearing that outfit today. I told you we're wearing this outfit. This is the outfit with the fucking headband on. Hello? When is a day gone by when we haven't won the same thing? come on. You suddenly don't like Therulean.

So speaking of falling off the bone, this hyena goes to the incinerator and he's looking through Lomai's remains. And wouldn't you know it? Here's a burned pain thing that has been stuck inside him. And this dude's like, hey, wait a second. And he starts feeling himself

and then just rips this thing out of his own body, which is pretty wild. This is entirely on you, Brando, or Dr. Moreau. You need to bury this thing a little bit better. Yeah, seriously. Really, because this is, if you're making vicious hyena people that can rip you apart, this is on you. You got to be, you know, smarter with your, your taser here. Exactly.

So, like, we see Moreau sort of working here, right? And he's like, oh, it's the, the reversion shit, like, isn't working or whatever. So they got to up the dosage. Oh, this is a, I don't know. I think they're just maybe, like, visiting him for a medical checkup or something. But there's, like, Warthog ladies. they're clearly like babes and Val Kilmer's like kissing all of them. Because he's giving them hormones.

Yes. Keep the reversion. He's like, it's like medicine day. And he's like got no shirt on obviously. He's like, come here, princess. He's like making out with these things. Like he's fucking everybody on this island. Absolutely.

Everything. Well, maybe, you know, after a while you breed a few of these. You need to see if they can be, you know, not test tube. You could actually fuck them and put a baby in their belly. That's part of his medical tests. I'm genuinely surprised there's not a bunch of little ice men's running around this island. You know he is fucking getting down with all of these freaks. Oh, well, you'd have to destroy everything that came from that.

Any ice man, a child would have to be incinerated. Yeah, I mean, like, now that I think about it, little kangaroo baby guy, kind of looked like the guy from heat a little bit. Chris from heat, just a little, just that much, you know? this is also the scene where this little guy is naked and we're injecting everyone to prevent them from regressing to I guess beast or ooze or what have animals

the animals that they started as and he's like oh but it's it's a kind of party drug I got like hormones in here I got some meth some morphines some shrooms again get the fuck away that is not producing good feelings I'm sorry. Exactly not. Once you throw meth into the fucking thing,

it's all craziness. Everybody's going to fucking nuts. Let's pump ourselves for the psilocybin and then fucking do meth on top of that. Oh, you know, that hulking hyena man, I would like to calm him down. Let's put some methamphetamines in his system. Exactly.

Let's inject these monsters with meth. But hyena guy is the one guy. He comes, is like, come on, hyena guy. It's time for your shot or whatever. And I would play this a little closer to the vans. FYI. Yeah, why would you Yeah, exactly. He shows him the chip like I am unchipped now. And if I get lost,

and if I get lost, you'll never be able to find me because the chip isn't activated anymore. Sadly, hyena man has not read The Art of War and doesn't know. A strategy and all these things have not exactly been put into his brain yet. So Kilmer starts hunting him because why not? You know, go ghost of the darkness on him a little bit. little goes to the darkness right here as a zello also takes off hunting him and this is where thulis is like okay great chance for me to try to get out of here i'm gonna try to fix this calm sat or whatever yes and this is where this other dude mling myling the the sensitive guy is like trying to help him use this radio and that's the only time this part of the story exists what even is that like he's not even in the movie and then he's like oh i'm helping this guy get off the island but why

There are 100 versions of this movie that we're not seeing. Yeah, absolutely. And somewhat you can sort of glean, right, if you sort of see like what this could have been. It's like he's the one that was reading the poetry. Oh, he's kind of like very interested in arts and human culture and whatever. He's always maybe dreamt of getting off the island because we do get a little glimpse into like how they're, they're kind of educated but not really.

Like Faruza Balc is like way back when she meets Thulis and he's like, I'm from England. And she's like, oh, England. That's also an island like this one. So it's like they kind of know of the outside world, not really. But so this guy, Mling, could be the one that's like, I've always aspired

to see what else is out there. So yes, I will help you fix this calm satellite, David Thulele. Oh yes, certainly. If you follow me, you could go to Harvard. No, yeah, it's easy. I know everyone at Harvard. Come on. I'm going to kill him on the boat. I'm just going to kill him on the boat. I'm actually going to send him to Yale.

George W. Bush went there. any type of half ape can get to it. By the way, Val Kilmer interrupting this attempt at the radio. What would you say if you found someone that you're being held by a pig lady? Yes. Yeah, totally. A pig lady that I fucked by the way. Yeah, my fucking old lady.

The pig lady's my old lady. You see what I'm saying? But yeah, he's pulled some computer card out of the radio or the satellite or whatever. and it's not going to work, right? I do kind of like that. The thing about Velcimer's performance I like is that they do, they dress him and give him the,

uh, the accoutrema of a, a disinterested teen on vacation. Yeah. The headphones are always around the neck. He's barely making sense on drugs the whole time. Yeah. I do kind of want to hear what he's listening to.

I don't get enough of that. He should be sitting on a beach chair with Sidney's Sweeney being annoyed that she's at the White Lotus. Yes. Reading Zenon, the art of motorcycle maintenance or something that he doesn't have the brain for quite yet. Yeah.

Well, he also says he's a neurosurgeon at one point, who cares? By the other, it goes to the darkness same year as this. Is that right? I'd wager that's probably a better movie. Yeah, I would have a better movie. Much better movie. Yeah, we're going to hunt this fucking lion, Val Kilmer, but don't worry about it.

It's just a lion and not a weird lion person. When your son is born, you hell him high, and you feed him to the lion to say, him. I do remember the only line that I remember that movie which rules is everyone here. It's Michael Douglas like everyone here is afraid of the devil, but

I am the devil and I'm like it's got no business in that movie but it fucking ruled. It does. Yeah. It's business was to exist in the trailer possibly. Definitely was. This is where Montgomery is also like, by the way, I know you're like sweet on

Aisa here, Douglas, but just going to let you know, she can't leave the island because if she don't have her medication, she's just going to turn into a straight up cat and you're not going to want to fuck that. Well, don't be making assumptions for me there, fella. But so Kilmer we're smoking some shit here

and he says to Doolet's like, by the way, we got to find this hyena swine is the name of this guy that pulled out his pain thing and he's like, we got to find this guy before like the rest of these freaks get the same fucking idea. So finally there's like a clock on this movie where you're like, oh, this is what?

What's going to happen now? Okay. But then we cut and hyenas wine is already in the main compound. He's got like four or five dudes with him. Yeah, he's like showing them how to like kill and eat things and they're like, oh fuck, that's way better than a salad. This is awesome. And we got Marlon Brando or as Dr.

Moreau having his midnight snack, which is not to be confused. It's 1215 snack and definitely different than this 1220 snack. It's Moreau's snacks, but it's Marlon Brando's ice hat that is wearing. I forgot about the ice hat. Literal bucket hat. A literal bucket hat. It looks like between Devo and Abraham Lincoln type of hat. And you're just like, you're watching this movie.

You're like, all right, he's wearing really outrageous outfits. Certainly nothing could shock me now. And then he wears this. And you're like, well, he did it. He's the master. That's why he's the master right there. It's the thing that you have on a grill, what you put all the charcoal in while you're heating it up. Before you dump it into the bottom of the grill, because like she's just putting all these ice cubes in.

He's like, oh, it's just so fucking hot, my dear daughter. And she's like, Ice Cube. Ice Cube. I was like, it's an ice hat. Because he started to see where it's like, oh, you're beautiful now. You'd be beautiful if you were a cat. Whatever you want to be. More ice cubes for my helmet, please.

What? Oh, sweetheart, could you please top Daddy off? He needs a couple more ice cubes in his helmet. And she's got some line like, you know, I want to be like you. I want to be sort of, I guess me. I want to look like you. I hope not if you were to look like me. He's like referencing.

You want to be a big fat party animal, too? Come on, daughter of mine. I hope you don't. Yeah, you can't look like me. You'd be fed as a house. Also, quick question, sweetheart. Have you heard anything about the Nestle shipment? I think the Nestle boat might be in peril because I have not seen anything that I want to see right now.

No, there's no water on that Nestle thing. It's all chocolate. I have a cat, but I want a kit cat. So we see the hyena swine is growing his posse. We break into Moreau's office. This is where they're kind of like amused by the piano for a little bit. And this is where I guess Maro's done with his ice hat for the night because he walks back in right in this. Like the fucking editing in this movie is just so awful.

And for you, your final fucking words on this fucking. this earth are like, well, actually, Gershwin was into 12-tone. I'm like, shut up. Eat him quicker. He's died out. He's trying to like, let's just act like this is totally normal. He's like, oh, I didn't mean to startle you. He's doing this fucking terrible accent.

Yes. Dude, did you guys know what's going on here too? Independent of him hearing the ruckus in the other room, before they're like playing the piano or whatever, this man has come inside from his ice cube hat and his daughter or whatever and gone to the kitchen and gotten a plate of, this is a, it's a milk and cookies. Yeah.

He's just going to bed with milk and cookies. Exactly. Again, this is, it's been 20 minutes. It's time. It really bothered me. He puts, he's got this beautiful piano in his office, right?

He puts this big, cold glass of milk right on that piano without a coaster. Outrageous. Who's the animal? Who's the real animal? Exactly. Good point. What I love about this, because he's very scared clearly,

but he's like, oh, yeah, look, this is the piano thing. and little guy figures shit out he's like I got to get his little buzzer thing he's buying time to get a little guy to get his buzzer

he goes away and he just goes to get more cookies no oh daddy didn't want that that's not what daddy needed I mean daddy'll take it but that's not what daddy needed not daddy's talking about Sean Burke now he needs more cookies yeah because he's playing like Rhapsody and Blue in that moment and they're like

what are we and he's like wouldn't you want to hear more piano tunes instead? And then he's like, you know, they say like, you know, you're, you say that you're our father, but like, I don't look like you. You know, what the fuck? Like if we're your children, why do you, he says, why do you make the pain if you're our children? I'm like, yeah, good fucking question.

I guess you haven't had human parents. They do that too, pal, okay? Exactly. Yeah, why don't you have a cookie? Oh, well, I said one, one, don't go crazy. Daddy's got to go back to the kitchen and get more cookies for Daddy because he ate all of Daddy's cookies. Did you just hear about the Nestle shipment being delayed?

Didn't you just hear about this? I just told you I'm not getting Kit Katz for another month. I have been living off Heath bars like a barbarian. Apparently there was a big storm, and now the Nestle's not coming through. I can't even get it crunching nothing. Oh, pardon me, I need to take my medication. He takes out Mike and Ikes and starts swallowing like pills.

Does anybody have a glass of water so I can wash down my mic and Ikes? A huge fucking glass of nerds. Oh, God. It's just like, ah. It's too bad Dr. Moro's eating a death right here because he would have loved those gummy nerd clusters, man. Oh, boy. He really would have loved it. I like that it's on the hammock and it's just like this perfect plate for his beasties.

Yes, dude. Little guy gives him the buzzer. The buzzer does not work. And he's like, oh, fuck. And then that's basically it. They rip. You see his fucking. arm get ripped off, which is really

awesome. And then like, all of these monsters just descend on Marlon Brando and tear him to shreds. And you can feel the production let a sigh of relief. Okay, now, if I say that the shoot starts at 9.30, it's probably going to start at 9.30. That's pretty awesome.

Yep. Thule. Yeah, Thulele scares them away. And then they cook up Brando like Darth Vader. It's awesome, dude. Yeah, Star Wars funeral number two right here. Yep. and Perlman saying like oh the law is still

the law of the land his spirit's watching over us he's like giving this eulogy or whatever and then so we see as a zello Tim Morrison's character takes Montgomery's gun while he's passed out which is the idea

we need a little more of this guy if he turns into the huge villain and it's Tamo Morrison who's good you know what I mean he's a good actor like you he could do it and maybe he did do it you just should make the final cut or whatever but like it kind of doesn't make sense when he's like this other antagonist and I'm like who is this guy really I mean he's got the greatest outfit of the bunch but but this guy and like tem can do it because tem's a great actor like

you need to give this guy a big fucking speech exactly you know on one side of things because he has to go up against you know the hyena other dude hyena swine yes like they have to be adversaries and like we need a little bit more of like what tem's character's position is supposed to be in the film other than growling while wearing a fucking tuxedo jacket the whole time. But this is where Thuleas goes to Ayesa once again he's kind of hitting on this grieving

fucking monster and she's like, look, Kilmer says that he's got the medicine that's my reversion stuff, so we got to go to him to get it. I know it's David Thuilis, but maybe put your dick away it's for five fucking seconds and try and get off this island. Maybe put it away. For better or worse, her father was just consumed by his own creations.

Like, let's dial back the dicking. Steve, would you tell him to put his heart away? You can't do it. You can't ask a man not to be who he is. That line, like, you'd say your father has failed if it wasn't for you. It's like he judges her as human because he would have sex with her. Yes, exactly.

It's basically like, well, your father wasn't a total failure. Which is a great fucking... Boy, oh, yoy, oh. Yeah, pick up line. Like, oh, your father didn't fail it biologically. engineering you sweetheart. A note to men out there does not work in the real world.

It's just not, it doesn't have the same zing to it. Well, your mad scientist's father didn't fuck up every experiment. Hello, police department. That ass is looking good in them jeans. By the way, your dad definitely did not fail

in biologically engineering dad ass in those jeans. I don't know. It could work maybe, you know. Yeah, yeah, a little bit. the confidence to pull it off. She would have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have had in her dating profile

huge fan of the 1996 adaptation of the island of Dr. Morrow. Then you know that you could use that line and she'd be like, holy fuck, a man after my own heart. Most women are. I'm going to assume.

Fans of the 96 Morrow. Oh yeah. I'd say so. I'd say so. I've heard. I've heard it home. Most of them have definitely heard of it, me. But this is where we have Montgomery and he's fucked up and he's

doing Dr. Moreau cosplay. Yes. And this dude Val Kilmer just doing kind of a worse Brando impression than we're doing. Yes. And he's dressed up like him and he's got the sunscreen on and everything. And David Thuleus

just starts slapping the shit out of this guy. Yes. Because he says that he destroyed all over the serum or whatever. Yes. I destroyed it. So it's going to go crazy now. It's rave time. It's almost rave time. Come on, baby.

It's pretty much rave time. Yeah, we're there. Well, it's kind of funny because, like, some people on this island are ready for the movie to be over with and some people aren't. Like, Thulis and Kilmore, they're kind of just like, you know, they're just starting to become real adversaries. Like, you know, destroyed all over the serum and, like, whatever's going on. But then you cut to, like, these animals and they're, like, throwing gasoline on this dock. Like, come on, credits, we're going to burn this movie to the ground. Yes, yes.

I mean, honestly, after Brando's out of the picture, we got to start moving a little faster. We do. Exactly. And also, like, we need to make Val Kilmer, I mean, if he's on the poster and the big guy, literally and figuratively is now dead, he needs to be like the big ball.

Like, hyena man isn't doing it for me. Hyena man's pretty cool, but like, yeah. I need a little something else. Or you need more from Tamer Morrison. Then you're like, oh, wow, this is a real thing. As opposed to like, we're just having, I guess Monday night is like the coffee shop kind of vibe where

say of the law comes out, this is poetry and everyone like snaps their fingers, you know, kind of a thing. Like, but Wednesday night, it's fucking Raven Night. And it's just fucking body glitter and pig fucking like, you wouldn't believe. And he takes, uh, Val Kilmer takes the meth out of the slush for rave night. He's like, just for tonight, you can just have the shrooms in the ass. Oh, yeah. He's just throwing it at all these things.

Make it out with everybody. He like kisses Timor Morrison too. Totally. Fuck everything on this island. Sounds pretty cool to me. There's not a warthog person on that island whose lips he hasn't tasted. And I think that's why little guy doesn't want to be anywhere near him. He's like, I know where this is going and I'm not interested.

Exactly. I'm going to work on my music, okay? The last time this island went this tits up, I didn't walk right for a month. So no thank you. Don't need to see Val Kilmer's tallywacker again. Around here, around here the dog waiter tells the other beasts that. that I have the fire that kills, the gun and they make this exchange. Like you rip out the buzzer in me and I will show you where to get more guns.

Yes. Yeah. Pretty great. And then, yeah, burn it all the same, says hyena swine and they still blow up this dock and the boat and everything there. But then, so like this is Montgomery coming down to the creatures as Barrow. And it's just like this. I'm just writing in my notes again.

Why is he doing this impression? Like, if anything, like, think about it in the world of the movie, right? Like, this dude has just been, like, murdered by these people. They're clearly, like, agitated with Dr. Moreau. Now you're going to dress up, like, the guy they just gleefully ate? Come on, man. Also, like, I guarantee you, John Frankenheimer was like, Val, just one take with your normal voice. Can we do one?

No. And the answer was no. The answer was absolutely not. He just started just doing that brando impression on camera, off camera. at dinner, you know, in between shooting days. Just refuse. Catch him out in the town and just film that and throw it in the movie. We got you doing a regular voice.

In the middle of eating a roast. He's just trying to get like, come on, something. He's got to say, no, all my normal will be saved for Ghost in the Darkness. We're putting that on back order. And apparently, like, he gets murdered here, which we'll talk about the second. When he was killed,

Frankenheimer was like, great. Cut, get that asshole off by scent. and he was escorted off by security and that was a real deal, difficult situation. Really wild shit. It's probably, I mean, it's probably why this death is what it is. Like, he's just there. He's doing the cosplay and then they're like, you know what?

We are tired of this. And they just shoot the shit out of him. Timor Morrison shoots him, yeah. He's got this line about how he wants to go to dog heaven. Yes. Oh, yes. So they send him there. Yeah.

And meanwhile, John Frankenheimer is looking. of the script like dog heaven's not short whatever fucking fine Stanley Stanley was this one of your shit the dog heaven scene was that what we were having John I saw all dogs go to heaven the other night I want to use it in the role

oh my god great fantastic yeah just because you have to fucking yeah he's dead that's a rap on now everybody yay he's dead it's also a great thing in movies like this where like a fucking creature of some kind is using a firearm for the first time he doesn't quite understand what's going on And so like Tem is the one that kills him.

And then it's like, wow, look at that. And then like he keeps just firing into this corpse. Yes. You got to do it. Pretty great. I think De Willis finds out about his possible infection here is. Right. Apparently he's been snooping around the lab.

Yeah. Yeah. He says like that Montgomery or, you know, Moreau or whatever, tended to use him, his DNA to help stop her regression all to guess. Yeah. Right. I was led to believe they had saved my life all the time he intended to take it. Yes.

And he's like, I have to go talk to Montgomery about this. So they wind up going to the club. And he's, it's fucking everybody's dead in the whole situation. And this is, Fruza Ball quick wrap on this character, which I was surprised by. Very weird. Yeah. This was another like, okay, what this script is just a disaster. That ending from the 70s one was my.

better where she gets out and then the Twitter you know then you see the cat the cat I'll always go for cat eyes of course yeah oh big time but like it's Timor Morris and like oh you were always father's favorite and he always used the whip on us but not on your pretty flesh or whatever he's saying and he just hangs her and it's like you kind of barely see it she does get some cool cat kills she does for a while loud meowing she jumps around a lot of like in silhouette so you don't really see her cat out as a person yeah she's a shableness a chat Like you don't see any, and even the preparation. And the hanging, too, is also shadow.

And all of that shit reminded me of the Val Luton cat people from the 40s. So much of that is like shadow play in that movie. And I was like, oh, son of a bitch, I've started thinking about a five-star movie when I'm watching a two-star movie. That's unfortunate. You know, I heard an old Hollywood rumor that in the back of Wizard of Oz, you can see a cat person being hung. Oh, wow. Wait. What?

I didn't hear that. That was the crazy. All those, the urban legends dude about all the munchkins, right? The little people actors, they would go out

on the town in Hollywood get fucked up and party with all these cat people, dude, it was wild. No idea. And if you sink that scene up

to the opening credits to Garfield and Friends, it syncs perfectly. Ladies and gentlemen, Moreau and Friends. So yeah, the monsters just sort of take over. A hyena dude here is like,

tell them that I am, the law and Pearlman's like refusing to like acknowledge that someone else is the law here you know there is a great um good doggy like he the guy taken over here because as a Zella brings uh so tem Morrison brings Thulis to them and he's like good doggy and then just shoots the shit out of Tem right here crazy pretty cool and like yeah Pearlman won't uh admit that he's god but he needs somebody to certify the last election so He goes to do this and is like, you have to do it now. You have to find me 20 more electors or whatever.

I forget what he says. I fear what he says. Tell them to obey me like they did father. Right. Yes. And this whole scene, I mean, like the hyena killing Thames dog character there. And this is all, they've become men, right? Yes.

Yeah. It's the exact thing that Dr. Moro's vision was hoping. to avoid. If he just had a little more time, maybe a little more budget. Some grants. A couple more little worm guys to help him out. Yeah, I mean, he could have got him there, maybe. Some grants. Then, Thuleous genius that he is

like, well, you're a guard. What are you God number one, baby? Are you number one of the gods? And then, hyena swine cannot handle this idea. Is like losing his brain. Well, because he's like, oh, you all ate the father, right? He did. That one did.

Like, you all got a piece. Yeah, you'll have a nibble. So if you want to be God number one, you know what you got to do. And he starts blasting these dudes. And then I don't know what this other person. It has to be a monster person because Thuleas is the only human being left. There's a person in what looks like a beekeeper outfit getting shot to shit. And I was like, was that just some like half dog farmer coming in?

Like what's all the commotion? Oh, no, I'm being shot. Don't worry. Hi, this is John Frankenheimer. Don't worry. I did this on the train. You just get a beekeeper to hang out, and he's part of the gang. Well, I wanted to let you guys know, hi, it's me, the dog beekeeper guy.

You want to let everybody know the honey this year is going to be one way. Am I shot? I'm dead. What happened? Oh, no. Why did that? I'm the only one that only care. The honey production was fantastic this year.

He was trying to make up for the Nestle boat being a maroo. The father really needs his sweet. So the honey at least will allow that while the Nestle boat gets rerouted. And I found a way to fold them into bars to placate the old man, you see. But I had to stop him because

he was just taking the jars like Winnie the the Pooh and shoving his head in them and slurping it all up. And like Winnie the Pooh often pantsless, yes, pantsless. Of course. Every day. Thank goodness for the Fupro I would have seen his penis. And we had a dark amber.

These monsters were more civilized than Winnie the poo himself they wore torn shorts. The squid budget at the end of this movie is much higher than I expected. Yeah, which is a print. Everyone's getting shot to shit. It's just pure chaos, shit's on fire,

etc. But then the best thing is David Thuleus refuses to kill hyena swine. And then the rest of the monsters are like, all right, man, but you're missing out on a lot of fun. And then they fucking club this dude to death. Yeah. It's a slow death. I mean, that's what

through this is like, I will not give this fucker a quick death. Take it as slow as you like guys. Exactly. That's so awesome. And then there's just like the, it's like is it like the next day at this point? Yeah. The dust is sort of settled.

There's like fires and everything. But like the house is on fire. Like the main house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because this is where I noticed I really wish this was kind of explored in some way because otherwise it's just a weird detail to have. as the house is burning down,

one of the things you see in Moreau's, like, a residency that's burning is a menorah. Oh, really? Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. Like, seems weird to just toss that in right here with four minutes left to go in the movie. I think that is.

I think that's Dr. Moreau is just like, all right, put some minors around so they don't think I'm a Nazi doctor. Even though I probably, probably a good idea. Don't worry. Don't worry, hyena, man. Instead of one day of presents,

We get eight crazy nights. But then this fucking hyena dude is like still alive or whatever and he walks into this burning house. Oh, right. Yes. Father, why? And just sets himself ablaze and kills himself. Wild moment. Great dad.

Wild moment. But so this is now, I was wrong, this is now the next morning. Thuleus really like overnight crafted this escaped raft to get out of here. Loading up on coconuts, man. Man, he has got coconuts for the trip. Well, because it's like you got the water in them things. You got the pulp to eat, you know, you're good to go, man. But Perlman is like, you know, there's no more labs.

There's no more experiments. We're just going to let ourselves regress back to animals is the idea. Maybe four legs is better than two, which is kind of a cool. Cool Ron Perlman line here. Yeah, no, I think it's actually a pretty solid line. And Monkey Man is, again, like weeping of like, we have not. seen you in an hour, monkey man. I'm sorry. There's like

40 minutes where if you put it back into the movie, we'd realize that guy was like the true hero of the tail the whole time or something. But as is, it's like, yeah, you're just a monkey man with a bow tie on, dude. You have not done anything in this movie. David Thulis has the best idea here.

Is to bring the fucking UN to the island of Dr. Murrow. Please, send them in. I'm sure this will go very well. This will like voice over towards the end of something, right? It's It's like most times I keep the memory in the back of my mind. But you know, if you look around these modern times of ours, I often think of the beast people.

And then it's footage of like public freakouts at Walmart and shit. Yeah, you know, like war-torn areas struggling over water and food and whatever. We're opening of Eli Roth's Thanksgiving. Yes, yeah. But yeah, you know, he starts it with, this is a true record of what I saw, which is a nice, I'm like, oh, this is like, someone found a fucking tape of your dead ass or something. And then I do like the,

he gives that whole speech or whatever, and he just, and then he says like, because it's like, basically like the world that he's in, you can't escape it. This is the world. So he just walks and he says, and I go in fear. It's a cool little ending. I mean, it's David, you get to hear David, he also says something about like, and I've neglected

to put the latitude and longitude. Yes, very important. So it's like people can, I'll tell you everything about this, but I'm not going to tell you the cordon. of the island. That's the thing I won't do. Because I guess I'm kind of friends with Ron Pearlman and bow tie guy maybe. My lady friend was hanged

there so she doesn't count. I write nice letters to Monkey Man. He's always writing me such nice letters. He's the only one with penmanship I can understand. Dear Azasamon, it's a boy. But he is regressing because the letters

one after another eventually became ook-o-uk. I just he's just writing Ouk, ook. Oh my God, but that is the end of this movie. There you go. That's it. Yeah, I'll walk through the evil and that's the end of it. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts and recommendations, Mr. Cisca. My God, I could, it's not like if by yourself, not really if you got a group.

I think this could be a fun watch. So it's sort of a light recommend. It's sort of one of those, it's part of the bad movie Pantheon. It's so fucking. Yes. Samis for what it is. it's a curio, it's a watch. I think it's worth seeing because of that. But also, I think if you want like a,

if you want it like between of this, which is terrible and a halfway good movie, the 70s one, which is still not great, is maybe worth a look as well. There you go. Chris Cabin. Yeah, a very much a C to Believe situation, I think. It's pretty quick.

I think the editors on, they had three editors on this puppy. And man, they did their work. this thing mostly moves, I would say. And that is something I can't say for the 70s version. The 70s version, I think is pretty boring. But it is altogether just a more cohesive product.

Of course it is. The one that's worth seeing is the island of Lost Souls. That movie rocks. Worth seeing. Charles Lawton. Charles Lawton. Oh, man. Really fucking good.

But this is, I had seen clips and clips. And I think I had watched it maybe like 10 years ago in full and completely forgot it, but like, man, it is, see it once, forget it, know that you've seen it, and then get rid of it. There you go. Steve Sadek. Yeah, you know, a while back, my wife and I tried to watch this, we bought, there's this place in the East Village called 599 DVD RIP, 599 DVD, who just had a bunch of DVDs for $5.99. Wow, you actually made it there during the two and a half month window when that thing was in business? That was open for like a year or so. Wow. going there.

Okay. Okay. We availed ourselves of that. This is like before like streaming was huge. So that's what we were doing. We bought this piece of shit and we watched it. We turned it off. Like we just couldn't get through it.

But last night. Standard deaf by the way. Oh, big time. Of course. Nice. I did it. Fuck. I kind of had more fun with it last night that I would have thought I would have.

I think Brando being as absolutely bad shit. It was nightmare for Frankenheimer, similar to the Kilmer. But they both are engaging to look at in this movie, even sort of by accident, I think same for dualists. Like, it's a good three-tier lead scenario. Still not a good movie or a coherent movie, but the makeup effects and the pretty good performances, and it does move.

It's a light recommend from this guy. And it is the seeing as believing for sure. Yeah, I agree on the seeing is believing for sure. No way around it. It is one of the most famous, like, debacles. Because, like, here's the thing. It's not like it's a movie that was like, this is exactly what we wanted.

And here it is. and it's like embarrassing and bad. Like it's embarrassing and bad for a lot of reasons, but like the troubled production angle of it just destroyed a lot of this thing. Even though Stanley was only working on the thing for a week, it's just like that's what you associate this movie with is that story,

which is why I will also recommend lost soul, colon, the doomed journey of Richard Stanley's island of Dr. Moreau from 2014. You get the full story. It is, listen, it's Richard Stanley in all of it. That guy there was, you know, shit that came out about him after the fact he is a piece of shit, don't be wrong. But you have to see this madman

in this movie because this is where they tell and there's like, I think they found a clip of it or footage or something. So he got fired. There was a bad storm. That delayed stuff. He was fired after a week. They bring in Frankenheimer. This dude did not handle that well, so much

so that he went to the makeup department and was like, make me one of the monsters. So I can observe how John Frankenheimer's directing these group scenes. And he literally snuck back onto the set of the film he was fired from to hide out as a fucking pig man

or whatever. It's wild. Madman. That movie used to be on Shudder. I don't know if it's still in there like documentary section. Is it on Tooby? It's on Chuby. It's on check it out. Big recommend there. But for this, yeah, it's a famous disaster. And I got to see a train come off the tracks whenever I can. So it's a seeing as

believing. But that is going to do it for this episode. We Hate Movies, y'all. As always, of course, you can get more content from us over on the Patreon, including episodes like this one, completely ad-free over on patreon.com slash we hate movies, where yes, remake roll is in full swing. We kick

things off on We Love movies with an episode about The Departed, which is, of course, an infernal affairs remake. That was a lot of fun. Chris Cabin, last week, we released a once-on-a-lifetime. That was also a remake. Yes, Bad C 2018. Roblo's the Bad C.

From the Master of Horror, Roblo. Roblo. At McKenna Grace, as you've never seen her before, just being rude and evil for an hour and a half. It's great. Really, really wild stuff. If you were getting this on the day it comes out, which is Tuesday, the 14th of April. On the 16th, just a couple days from now, we're releasing Melro 210210 for this month. We are back to 90210 and Melrose Place coverage. Steve, we've got some Jenny Callender appearance. That's right. This is her big, her big episode. We really get to know her. The

episode is called the girl from New York and she is the titular girl from New York so there you go. Okay. And yeah, whatever the fuck is going on in Elrose Place, Lord knows. More baby-napping. We're done. That's all we're done. We are done. We are done.

We said goodbye to it. Steve, on animation damnation next week, we are also tackling a remake in its own right. That's right. The Duck Tales reboot remake, whatever you want to call it, with David Tennant, Bobby Moynihan, a bunch of people. Danny Pooley, I think, is one of the kids. Booty is also one of them. I want to say, is Ben Schwartz in that too?

Oh, Ben Schwartz might be the third. Right, yeah. But long story short, really fun. I've never seen it. People do love it. Andrew, I believe you've seen it more than I have. I've seen a good chunk of it. I really like the comedy style and the animation.

It's good. And the voice performances are all really fun. Yes. And the one that I picked is them kind of dealing with underground Chud kind of people. If I remembered it right, so hopefully. But yeah, that shows a lot of fun. And then Eric, next week also next, or two Friday.

No, next Friday. next Friday the 24th, the Gleap Glouclery's getting a bit of a remake guy as well. That's right. We're going to be talking about Darth Sidious, which is, yes, different than Emperor Palpatine. At least it was in a brief moment in the early aughts, and it'll be fun cracking the book and seeing what they tried to push on us. That is right. Hey, what are you trying to push on us? Hey!

And don't forget, at the end of the month, we're also going to have the Nexus, which you are back to our regularly scheduled programming of a animated TOS episode. and then also Ensign Row is the TNG episode for this month. Michelle Forbes debuting on the show. Really great character of that Ensign Row. I'm excited for this one. And then that same week also the end of the month. The next Scarity Cats is dropping. It's on the Pope's Exorcist.

That was a lot of fun as well. And you can get that at the top tier in both video and audio form when you download it. You can watch the video on Patreon. And then also it downloads the audio to your RSS feed. And on April to 21st, we are doing another after Dark Hang. Those are super fun hangouts with us for an hour video format where you ask us fun questions. We bullshit and we drink too much.

We have a lot of fun doing those. That's right. And that is indeed next Tuesday, which Steve also next Tuesday remake roll rolls on with which Nicholas Cage movie are we talking about. We are going to the city of angels, ladies and gentlemen. I don't want the world to see me when I watch this movie. I'll see you next Tuesday. You want to watch Dennis Franz, eat some pizza.

Pastries. Get ready to watch Dennis Franz eat some pastries. He does. Yeah, he's just as good as Peter Falk. Yeah. Same there. Yeah. Does he have a little fella half animal that gets him in trees? I don't believe so, but maybe when I rewatch, I'll look. We'll see.

We'll circle back next week and see if there's a little worm guy. Maybe that was the subtext. So until next week, when we visit the City of Angels, I've been Andrew Jupon. Stephen Seda. Eric Sissman. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.