We Hate Movies - S16 Ep860: RoboCop (2014)

Episode Date: April 28, 2026

“Alex Murphy is made for her pleasure!” - Steve on the new suit designOn this week’s show, we bring Remake-ril to a close with a chat about one of the worst Hollywood remakes of all time, RoboCop (2014)! Why did we need the “slick” new suit design? Why didn’t they bother with any of the TV sitcom stuff like in the ’87? Why did we need to have the wife and son be such larger characters? Was Joel Kinnaman right for Murphy? And speaking of Murphy, why are so many people calling him by his first name in this movie? Did any other film waste Michael Kenneth Williams’ talent as much as this one did? And what in WORLD were they thinking going for the PG-13 rating? PLUS: “Dr. Norton? Commissioner Gordon. Commissioner Gordon? Dr. Norton…”RoboCop (2014) stars Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Abbie Cornish, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael Kenneth Williams, Jennifer Ehle, Jay Baruchel, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, and Samuel L. Jackson as Pat Novak; directed by José Padilha.Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program, Dead or Alive, this movie sucks. It's Robocop 2014. I'm Andrew Jupin. Nobody gets shot in the dick in this movie. I'm Stephen Siddak. Eric Siska, 2014. Chris Cabin, and this is the cabin element. Oh, God.

And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine podcast, as always. That's right. It is the final week of Remake Roll. Oh, for a second. I thought the show was it.

No, no, dude. We got a ton of gas in the tank. No, a ton of gas in the tank. We would let you know. You know who didn't have a ton of gas in the tank, though, was Robocop 2015. Yeah, yeah. I saw him siphoning gas out of an Ed 209. He's doing more than that.

Bucking out the hose. This toothless remake was indeed directed by Jose Padilla. He co-directed Bus 174, one of the most thrilling documentaries of all time. And Chris Cabin, have you seen those Wagner-Mora Elite Squad movies that he did? He did two of them. Watch the first. one for sure. It's kind of a whatever. They're supposed to be like pretty solid little.

I will say the action scenes in like the dark gun scene when the shootout scene happens towards the back end. That is very like what you're getting in the daylight in those movies. Very similar kind of movement. That's the best scene in this movie. Exactly. If you can put more and more

of that in. So to that point, yeah, it's like an enjoyable movie. Now, Andrew Drupin has hated movies. for us for so many years. And yet they do not let him become a robo host. They should allow him to become a robo host. So he doesn't have to worry about pissing and shit anymore. It'd be great if you were just like lungs and a hand.

Oh, totally, dude. I just had a cool black helmet over. Oh, yeah. Stop yelling into the microphone, creep. And things of that nature. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, this is toothless as fuck. And having just watched like 90% of the OG out in the living room,

sorry to correct you, but he's got his teeth in this one. He does have all of this. Oh, I meant the film. Oh, I thought you meant to Alex Murphy. No, Alex Murphy's fucking great, griny, toothy smile in this movie. Well, aside from a cock, Alex Murphy is made for her pleasure. He's got a mouth. He's got a real hand that he could do whatever he needs.

His dominant hand. Fingering, you got digits for that. You got digits. I mean, like, you know, it's no pleasure for him necessarily aside from the psychological stimulation, you understand. The pleasure of giving pleasure. Yes. But all of the methods are gone, all of the ways he knew.

It's very mechanical. Yeah, he's got to go right back in. He's going in blind once again. He's got his memory. Surely he knows how to swirl his tongue the way he used to. I don't know. I guess it's a possibility, though, that like Alex Murphy, the man was really bad in bed. You know, I have to learn new things how to please you. It took him a while to get that shirt off.

I'll tell you that. Enter pornography protocol. If this is what it takes for him to eat me out, I guess it's worth it. I mean, that's the other thing, right? I don't really think that the ladies or dudes would want a head and the set of lungs going down on him. Well, that's, well, he's got to be in the Robo Cop outfit for sure. I think there would need to be some sort of like sex bot thing. Because a big giant metal man.

You put like a velvet cape on him? Now we're thinking. Maybe. We're heading in the right direction. You can go to those leather sex harnesses? That makes everybody look sex. No, not the sex swing again. Gimp outfit, like pure hard leather, like you're touching hard leather.

Yeah, like a bad couch. But the auditory, that's going to be a problem because every time you're, uh-oh. You're right, all the hydraulic. I'm just trying to get my fucking clit licked. What are you doing here? He's like jumping like a low rider at his tongue's out and he's like getting down and up and down. Hey, babe, did you fall asleep?

Buffering, sweetheart. Your internet connection is pretty shitty on his way. Sorry, the laws in this state has changed, sweetheart. Could you hold up a photo ID? I really, I just, I preferred when you just, when you snored a lot. That was much better than this. You're right there. If you take that fucking thing to Texas, you better have your driver's license on hand.

Yeah. And he could scan it right there because he's a robocom. Exactly. We are introduced to Pat Novak, played by Samuel L. Jackson. I think this might be the best parts of the movie. It is him. Because he's actually doing Sam Jack. and stuff, and, like, he's not phoning it in.

Like, he's at, I mean, like, they had him for a day, clearly. Oh, dude, an afternoon I'd wager. He wasn't in before 1 p.m. Could you imagine, like, someone like Sean Hannity could stand and walk him. I've never seen that blazed ham get up off that town. He loves a good sit. I've also never seen, like, a black guy do this demagogu-this kind of demagoguery, which is kind of weird in the context of the film.

It's a real, like, you got a great actor to do this thing, but I don't know that it's saying, what you want it to. Great wig on him, by the way. Fantastic wig. Anytime you need that motherfucker in hair, it's usually a good wig. I'm looking at you, Jackie Brown.

Probably my favorite Sam Jackson hairstyle in that movie. He's kind of given the glass fro a little cut here down to something reasonable. You know, not so bad. Yeah, it's not super villain hair. It's just villainous broadcaster hair. I have never seen

this movie before, though. I'm going to be a one and done on this. Oh, I was a two, Well, I'll say a one and a half and done because I remembered while I was watching it. Saw this at the Kauffmanistoria. Same, I believe so, yeah. It may have been the final picture I saw at that theater, possibly. I don't know, because we moved the next year. But I took a stellar nap during this movie.

Oh, that's the time I watched it. Well, that makes sense. Rightly so. My God. I regret nothing. I did not see it in the theater. I saw this. I think I might have just. You and Cameron had a date?

It might have been, no, I actually, it was a good copy of it. Maybe somebody had it and I borrowed it from them because I remember having the disc. That is wild, dude. You need to root out whatever fucking relation you have that bought this on DVD. I would have been a cousin. That sounds like a cousin thing to do. I was surprised just looking back at the weekend it came out that it only opened third. It only made like $20 something million.

Check the first weekend. Nobody wanted. I mean, I think people smelled it a mile away. The PG-13 on this guy. The black tactical look looks stupid. Yeah. So fucking. I'm sorry, but the Joel Kinneman of it.

Yes, he's just not a leading man. He's not, he's a TV actor, and he's very good at being a TV actor. He's so good in the killing. Which I've never seen, and never will. But it's just weird because I've seen him in other movies besides this, and it's also just like, fine. It's whatever. He's kind of fun in the Guns Suicide Squad film. Flag Junior there's such a small role.

Oh, it is. It absolutely is. And yeah, you're right, he's not a lead. And, like, especially he's not, he's not whatever this square-jawed, like, whatever that he keeps getting cast as even though he's like a big sexy guy. It's like suddenly John Hawks is like running around his little. It's like I love the guy

but really? No, I don't need it and you got you got to stop killing his wife. That's really what I think you're getting at here. His wife needs to stay alive for a little bit and we got to figure out something else for him because it just doesn't work like I like Silent Night more than a lot of people do but even that one. Even that one

It was John Wu? That's John Wu. John Wu is trash. Do you see that other movie of his? His remake of his movie? Yes, I did. That was trashed. It was fine. I love the guy, but check a man. I like the fight scenes and I think they're better directed than a lot of other fight movies, action movies. But just that too, I'm just like, this needed a better actor in the beginning. Like, somebody hefty had it to be in. He's just not that guy. Now, Steve said, like, you're

normally the, this person was supposed to be the role. Any intel on who? I was looking it up. I mean, it's like basically they, I think they threw this at a bunch of people. Joel Kinnaman can not have been the first choice. They were looking at Foss Bender. They were, I mean, they were looking at like Tom Cruise, which is just like nonsense. No. You can't put a helmet on that guy.

He'll be a real Robocop before he appears in Robocop. From one of his stunts gone wrong. From a directorial standpoint, this was supposed to be an Aronovsky movie, which I think would be interesting. Sure. Apparently he had like some crazy idea where it was like the year 3000 and yada, yada, yada, yada. Like, Noah was there. Yeah, exactly.

Which is, you know, and just pre-AI, Aronovsky so you know right everyone's AI now I guess I guess we'll just have to accept it AI Anofsky your movie creep you know totally hey Soderberg I'll fucking catch you on the next one

it's time for the DGA to strip these people that's a great idea right that is a great fucking idea need to fucking lead or California you're always great with labor laws puts them down or even if you're not going to expel them like penalize them like all right you can't vote the DGA next time whatever the thing is there needs to be a consequence for crossing that

there needs to be a conversation there hasn't been a Yeah, that's the problem, is that all this stuff is happening. And I'm not hearing anything from anyone of consequence. What you want me to do? Not do it? And I'm like, yes, that's exactly what I want you to do. Pretty much. In a world where there's six companies, it gets harder to do anything.

Exactly. To stand up to anything. Speaking of modern times, my first time through, Charlie Chaplin, didn't really need the Iran stuff this week. That is my asshole tight. Quite a bit. But it's 2028 in this movie. We're at war in Iran with robots. Operation Freedom, Tehran, by the way.

Operation. Not far. Yeah. Not far. Yeah, I mean, they kind of nailed it. Eric, 2028, it's a brief excursion. It'll certainly be over by then. Yeah, I'm sure.

Kittiman was saying that, you know, what he liked about this movie, that he could see that the fans didn't care for. Like, they were pushing an anti-imperialist agenda. And I say, I don't think that's true. I don't think so because if that were true, then, like, more of this movie would be about fucking Operation Freedom to run. Exactly. If you sent Robocop over there and then he has to do whatever.

Yes. I mean, it might be a worse movie, but it would certainly be a more interesting movie. Yeah, I would think you could make the anti-imperialist argument more in the original than you would here. Because at least in the original OCPs like, we're fucking bulldozing this city. We're going to bring up new real estate. All of that is there, not in this movie. In the original we were saying there is like, wait, a company investing in the United States, I don't think so. Well, it is a science fiction film.

I guess I sort of see what they're saying with the anti-purellous thing. You're right, it's toothless. Because, like, it's, they do the Fox News angle pretty well with Sam Jackson, but then you kind of don't have the satire of the original.

Exactly. What are you saying? What are you saying? He also feels like Sam Jackson and the Pat Novak character is chasing the movie. Like, the movie's happening. And he's like, wasn't that crazy, ladies and gentlemen? And I'm like, I just,

as opposed, even like the, the cutaways in Robocop, like, you could have done commercial easily here. Yeah, you really could have done that. And that's funny you say that about the chase or whatever, because it makes it feel like, oh, Lord, I was just going to compare it to something else that I had watched recently. Oh, the good version and the incredibly unfortunate remake, speaking of remake roles, with Running Man, where because of the TV show structured that way,

the host does follow along Coleman Domingo in the, in the new one and whoever's doing it in the Arnold movie. But that's at least kind of... Richard Dawson. Is it, Dawson's doing it? That's right. That's at least kind of something that would make sense. But yeah, it does appear that like this Pat Novak hour is following the movie.

Like, what's Robocop going to get up to next? I guess we'll find out. Because it doesn't feel like satire. It's not funny. It's the situation where I, this is too realistic. Like, I've seen the Novak element. I watch that. whatever the comedy element you were trying to get past with that isn't working.

And it's the same thing with like, the problem with this movie is that it's so, it's filling in the gaps of the first one. Like, here's the world. Yeah. We're going to show you what the world is under this. And it's all just corrupt people like at every element.

And you're like, oh, okay. Yeah. Like what that's- For that Senator Dreyfus, I like the cut of his chip. Oh, yes. Zach Grinier.

When they do the, with the, who's, I like, whatever he shows up. Of course. Oh, it's a beautiful man, a little spice.

But like the Novak guy. and you could easily do satire through a panel. You could have someone like, you know, like an Ancoulter type or something arguing here. Instead, they have Michael Keaton and Senator Dreyfus just dryly stating their outlooks. Right. Yeah, I know, like, there is a way to do. You'd have to go like so over the top to make this a satire because everything, like, even having an Anculteer, you're like, oh, I know this. Yes.

And this is a normal thing that people are believing in saying in the world. Well, you can't just have a, you can't just have a figure that looks like someone we recognize. from bad TV. She's got to be looking like Ann Coulter and then doing something ridiculous on top of that while on the air. Raise the stakes. And that's sort of what happens in the Tehran thing

where it's like there's this female reporter who is going around and like Jack E. Earl Haley, for a second, is that Jack Hiel Haley? Yeah. But it is. And he's in the movie. Don't worry, he's in the movie. I wish she was Freddie Kruger in this.

Versus Robocop? Oh, now we've got a movie. That's a fan film I wouldn't watch. Hell yeah. But it's like, oh, it's great. going to be dangerous, but don't worry. We've never lost a reporter yet. I'm like, oh, she's going to get fucking iced. And I'm like,

this thing is about to go wrong. And blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, in a robocop, wait, this lady's going to explode. You know what I mean? Like, track it, right? Track it. When they debut Ed 209 in the first movie, he fucking shoots the shit out of that nerdlinger guy. Turns that motherfucker into spaghetti. That should

happen to this lady. And instead, it's like, at the end of all the rigamarole, it's like, whew. Yes. She's safe for now, everybody. We'll get back to the reporting later. Like she's barely phased by the incident. No, no, no. She needs to be fucking ready or not jelly explosion. Exactly.

That's your R rated, not having your R rated stuff. It just fucking kills. And it's so funny that they were like, well, boy, oh boy, this production budget is just ballooning. So now we got to make a PG-13 so we can make the money back. And whoops, you fucking idiots. You still did it. Like, and to your point, Steve, I, if the version where he is in Toronto and that is what the movie is, it's probably, as we're saying, it is worse.

But I prefer so much a big swing that fucks up than what this. The problem with this is it's so like, me. No, yeah. I'm just like the whole second half. I'm like, oh, cut all this out. I don't give a shit about any, like all those questions that the idiot reditors had about like, well, what happens in the world of Robocop? I wasn't interested.

The movie did it enough. I was happy with what it did. You don't need to answer. I don't need to answer to any of these fucking questions. I certainly hope that no one goes back to our prior Robocop episodes and finds us saying we wished we knew what was going outside of Detroit. What I mean by that is like, you know, going to the supermarket. Yeah, just the everyday stuff. People like to be like, oh, if they said this, then they would like it this, they would like it less because you know they don't like this.

Here's the thing. I like good things. When it's good, I like it. When it's not good, I don't like it. Sometimes when we talk about certain tropes, sometimes it's tired to see someone be the chosen. in one, but sometimes you need that. And it's a trope for a reason. It has to do a lot with who's

doing it as well. Paul Verhoven's exposition, put it on top of all the other fucking food I have on that tray. Put that gravy on top, baby. I want it. And also justice for Ed 209. In the original, he's kind of, I remember maybe because I saw it at seven years old, but I was scared shitless of Ed 209. That reveal, I was just like,

But then over the years, you grew to attract it to it. At least I did. Well, because he's got, like, making, like, fucking tiger noises of shit. They got all sorts of cool stuff happening with it. And look, that guy gets annihilated in the first five seconds. You're like, oh, shit, this is scary. Now there's, like, 20 of them and they look like nothing. You know what I mean?

Like, it's just like, like, really polished Robocop toys that you would have bought. Yeah. Nothing really interesting about the look. That's the thing. The action is just, well, you had the miniatures and stuff of the first movie and that looks so fun and crazy. This is computer slop. and it just,

I mean, when Robocop's driving around shooting things or running around shooting things, I was zoning out. It's hard to pay attention when he's shooting every single thing perfectly. You mean to say that most of the time

he's going around stunning things because there is a severe lack of fucking bullet technology in this movie. He's fucking tasing people left and right with this huge, it's still a huge god killer that's set to stun. That's what we should do in this country. You can keep, your guns but you only get taser bullets.

That's it. Sure. That's something. I'll deal with that. Yeah, that's nice, right? Taser bullets? Yeah. Something.

But to your point, Eric, the reason it's a sleeping movie is because, again, you didn't up the ante. Like, Ed II or not. It needs to be like a humongous warship that, like, hovers in the sky that's scary as hell and could just, like, bomb us aerial in a second. Like, stuff that's actually, like, on the way, don't you worry, but hasn't arrived here yet. Because most of this stuff, it's like, if you've seen the delivery drones and the fucking little things, you're like, yeah, it's only a couple steps from that to that. It's not that big of jump.

Yeah, add 209 where he's an aerial defense. Get your Chipotle here on time. And then it says like, yes, and then it says eat it Chipotle. I got, I'll tell you what, I've been seeing a rash of videos. Most of them coming out of Philadelphia, God bless these people, just outright attacking these delivery robots and kicking them over. like yeah fuck you fuck all those little one day you'll see you'll

they're all over New Jersey or all over Jersey City where I am that's crazy you will one day see if I get if I'm in the wrong mood it might happen I might kick one of these things and I might go to jail yep can you go to jail for kicking a robot delivery box probably if you kick it into the traffic

which I'd like to do I do I mean I think the US government could learn a little bit from Robocop 2014 you know what I mean you never know stay out of that get out of that just get out Out of there. It's kind of out of there.

So we do have also, we got the Ed 209s and they're like the muscle, but then we also have these humanoid EM208s, which are just robots. Yes. And that becomes part of Michael Keaton's problem as the owner of, is it still Omnicorn in this movie? No, it's something else. At the end, like the parent company. Oh, the parent company is OCP.

That's right. It's Omni something. The Omni Foundation is what Gary Oldman works for. Okay. But yeah, I guess. OCP is the... It's like kind of the title card reveal at the end. It's a little bit like he's got a flare for the dramatic.

When Michael... Also with Gary Oldman. When Keaton goes on the Novak element, it's... It's the big O. Okay. Yeah. Well, so they got these things where it's like, you know, again, the stuff that we're eerily seeing now, right?

Like, just show us your hands. Just comply and you'll be totally fine. Like these robots going to all these, you know, Iranian citizens or whatever. And then here we go. because they couldn't help themselves. A swarm of dudes with fucking suicide mess. Yes, exactly. Taking out these Ed 209s.

Like, there's another way to do this, guys, where you don't look like the fucking Showtime series, Homeland. Yes, and what are we saying by that? That's exactly correct. Because aren't we, like, against this technology in this movie? It would be more interesting if he just mows down innocent civilians, which they are going to do as opposed to... Right, which is what we will actually do there.

Yes, what we are doing. We are doing, yes. Somebody says from a military perspective, this is all great. Yes. Which that's kind of what's almost being said now. Yes. But not by as many people. A lot of people are rubber stamping this.

And Pat Novak, Jackson's character, is like so into the robot idea for, you know, obviously, we need this at our streets. We need this all over here. Apparently every other country has this but America, which is farcical. Yeah, very farcical. Yeah. Yeah, there's the fucking send-up. There's the joke of it all.

Our country hasn't adopted this first. I mean, it would be us, Russia, China, North Korea, maybe. Have some teeth and have, like, him being actively paid by Michael Keaton. Have a fucking phone call, like, I liked your segment. You know what I mean? Like, that's how this shit actually works. Exactly. Like, oh, you're a little too hard on the company tonight, Pat Novak.

What are you doing, man? We had a deal. Exactly. You know what I thought that hot reporter was going to get killed, you know? Whatever. I wouldn't mind some. off the air stuff with Sam Jackson as well, you know, and then like...

But he's got lunch, uh, unfortunately. He's got lunch in that hair and makeup, putting that wig on took some time. So, uh, we need to get this three Capital One commercials. We need Sam out of here at 4 p.m. I'll tell you what, because of the fact that this whole Pat Novak show, uh, stage area or whatever is just straight up green screen. Right. I kept thinking it was the Capital One commercial.

Like it looks just like, because those are mainly he's, at least at the end of them in front of a green screen. It's like Capital One. What's in your wallet, creep? But like imagine if like maybe the Pat Novick character went after the wife or family a little harder and then Robocop shows up on the show. I kept, it's insane that because he's such a character or he's almost a character that Robocop never meets Pat Novak or vice versa.

Yeah, that's kind of fucked up. That could have been a propaganda moment too. You shake his hands. Yes, exactly. I guess if he's storming the studio, that is kind of just the end of the running man. So maybe that's why they avoided that. But my God. you know, pay Sam Jackson a little more money

so you can do an outside scene. Yes. Leave the green screen studio and, you know, he's at the police station for some reason. Even if you copy the road, you got to do something. You just got to do something. They just, they want to avoid all nasty elements. Like that's what this movie needs.

It needs to be a little nasty. Uh, but Sam Jackson wants to know why is America so robofobic? Uh-huh. Oh, boy. The only, the only bit of teeth you get into this movie at all is right here at the end of the Tehran attack scene where Ed

209 straight up kills that kid just turns that kid into fucking dust and it's kind of a trick because if you haven't seen this movie before that's like the first four minutes of the movie and you're like oh yeah well okay this first part seemed a little ill-conceived but it

ended on a real bang we must be in for a treat nope no that's kind of the last graphic violence you see the title card and they the only time I think they used the score from the original movie yeah yep which kind of got me going this morning. I was like, hey, man, that's a song.

I like, bum, bum, bum, bum. Exactly, it's great. Yeah, the score to this sucks. I don't know what the fuck they were thinking with the music. Just license the original and kind of redo it a little bit. That was a great, great tune. And it just turns into the most generic cop drama bullshit. And like the fact that we're, and I know whatever, you know,

it's a remake, it's not a very good remake. Him being Murphy and the original is like, and we don't know about him and like eventually, the idea is he doesn't even know he's Murphy. It's almost a twist that he's Murphy in the original movie. Whereas just, I was just calling him Alex. Oh, that robot over there, that's Alex.

Oh, hi, Alex. He's a robot now. Your husband, Alex, he's a robot. And keeping the family around is a mistake. A huge mistake. Because you do not have that perfect scene that is a great mix of pathos and hilarity, which is Robocop walking around that abandoned house in the original. You know what? Honestly, put them, I know they don't die in the original, but put them in the car for this.

bombing. And he's just like, oh yeah, before we go to the lake or whatever, let me get our, oh, the floaty arms for David. That's a totally great idea, actually, yes. Because all of this like, let me see my husband shit plays into the family drama stuff that you're talking about. Not in my Robocop movie. But it's also not very good either. Like, Abby Corny's just actually fine. I think she does a good job as like this emotionally bereaved wife. But it's not, there's no teeth to that character. Like, you're kind of waiting for her to get kidnapped the whole time. And then she eventually kind of gets kidnapped at the end. The problem is that in the first one,

it's to underline how alone he is, how isolated he is from everything. And like in this one, they're so interested in the world and like painting the world and showing you the things that you, someone said they wanted to see. Some idiots said they wanted to see. Like he's not a character.

You're supposed to port over who Alex Murphy was in the original ones to this. Your knowledge of that is supposed to fill in all the characteristics for him in this one. And it just makes for a really boring central part. When he goes to like his old house and it's like the real estate rope like TV screen or something. Yeah, yeah. And it's empty.

It's tragic. It's so tragic. And here it's just like, well, David wishes you would read a book to him. She's taking control of the situation, you know, she's proactive in this one. And she's a character, she's a real character. And like, it's just like it's more fucking time that makes for a bloated movie. It's too long. It's definitely too long.

But first one is an hour and 43 minutes. Gorgeous. This is longer by like 10 to 15 minutes. And 70% of that movie is Squips. You know what I mean? Exactly. Yeah. But so he's stormed in with his partner, Michael, K. Williams,

just could be great. Again, like, yeah, he's playing a Rob Lewis or whatever. So he's Lewis. Yeah. I think it's Jake or Jack? Jake Lewis? Something like that. And he was Michael Kenneth Williams.

He was an amazing. actor. And, you know, outside of Omar, like, he had some things here and there that, you know, he was really good in. Oh, yeah. But, like, Jack Lewis. Jack Lewis, yeah. This, he could have really shown here. Like, him working off Kahneman, you're both TV actors, man. So that could be something. And, like, he's just absolutely flushed in this. It's the Gary Oldman show. And I don't know why. I can't even say, he's starting with his partner. His partner, Michael Williams at the beginning is he gets Norberged off camera, which we don't see. Because he's like,

this horrible raid that they do, like, he is a bad undercover cop. Alex Murphy is a bad undercover cop. Yeah, the whole move of like, I'm going to put the gun on the criminals face and accuse him of being a cop. Yeah, that'll de-escalate the situation. It's usually the key to the better crime movies

is if your cop at the center of it is a real dumbass. I was watching To Live and Die in L.A. the other day. He is a horrible cop. He is stupid as they come. It's amazing. It really is a key to a lot of these. But yeah, Murphy's actual partner were heard, we're told was like recently killed in some other.

Oh, wow. So he's just going through him. Because he's, some operation went tits up. Okay. And like the partner got killed a little while ago. So I think this is supposed to be kind of a new relationship. And like the fact that the four of us aren't certain of that is really terrible. Yep.

Because in the first one, right, like Murphy is new to that precinct. Yes. And they're like he, like, you gleaned that he has come from like a nicer quieter situation because they're like, oh, wow, it really fucking sucks here, man, like that kind of thing. He meets Lewis in that moment. This is a janky, like, well, I guess they're co-workers so they know each other, but now I guess they're partners. And yes, they're trying to nail Antoine Valone, probably one of the fucking worst villains. Easy. Like, this is just a nothing guy.

It's non-threatening completely. And also, like, you're keeping a lot of names. but you're not keeping Clarence Bodiker or Boddiker. Well, thank God they didn't. I would throw up if I saw Boddicker be sullied by whatever this. Thank you. Because again, like he needs to be, either he needs to be like the, because I thought like Jackie O'Haley could do a Clarence Boddicker thing

that he asked him to do it. Were they going to save Boddicker for the sequel? Oh, maybe. He's got a flare for the dramatic. Yeah, for the Boddiker. Just like you, flare for the dramatic. Boddiker and the Joker would elicit the same exact teaser response. I think you're right.

Oh, no. Clarence Boddaker and the Joker teamed up. A rash of robberies and mutilations. We found these glasses at the scene of crime. Analyzing prescription. It matches only one, Clarence Boddickr. Also, the cocaine all over the rims is a good giveaway for Boddickert. But yeah, so Murphy's like, hey, I'm pretty certain there's some crooked cops working with the loan here.

So, yes, they pose as gun buyers. and this whole thing, whoops, like the dude gets a phone call. I would like to buy some guns from you. We would like some guns, please. Is this the gun store? No, I'm from Chicago, actually. I love hot dogs. We ran into Chicago PD.

No, no, look, the book says we should argue with. When he does something, when something's wrong, we should argue with them. Haggling for dummies are pulling out. But yeah, Villone gets a call, like, while they're sitting, and he's like, uh-huh, yep. Oh, got it. And just fucking leaves the room. The worst part is every time I hear the name, I'm like, villain?

Is the name just villain? No, it's a French villain. Yeah, so you do sell guns. Could you just, I just need to readjust my shirt pen really quickly just to get a better. It's bothering me. It looks better when it looks directly at you. Oh, yeah, this pin I need to shine. It's not a camera lens.

Don't worry. Don't worry. I have that check for you. I have the check in the back. Check, check. One, two, three. Yeah, no, you know, I want to buy one, two, three guns. 123 guns.

You're really testing me. Testing, testing. Could you say your name again? Just closer to my shirt? No reason. I'm waiting for my mic. Mike, are you here yet? Mike, Mike.

This is a great restaurant. Can you just hold up that menu for white balance? Thank you. Now we're getting it. Now we got it. Wow, Rosoto here. That seems like a risk. Oh, that's a price, though.

Oh, boy. But there's a big fucking shootout here, and Lewis kind of gets shot to shit right here. Yeah. Non-lethal. Certainly. But then wouldn't you know what? The captain here is like suspiciously like,

oh, hey, Murphy, back off of this thing now. You got to back off of this whole, you know, Valone case. We're handling it or whatever. And wouldn't you know, you guys recognize this chief dean? Marion Jean-Baptiste. Yeah, yeah. Hard truth.

Secrets and laws. Oh, wow. A hundred and somewhat episodes of Without a Trace. Wow, she's so sick of these secrets and lives. So sick of these robots and cops. But yeah, so she has like, no, no, no, you're not going after dirty cops. IAB will decide what the deal is. You just go on your way.

But then we do, yeah, we have Zach Grinier as the Senator Dreyfus doing this hearing about the robots and Keaton's there. This is Michael Keaton, there's. Raymond Sellers. I found something interesting. They saved some money because they put Raymond they put Michael Keaton and Gary Oldman on the same

family plan for phoning it in. That just gives you a nice amount of, they were able to save some minutes that way. I don't know that it was right after the Oscar win, but I'm pretty sure this is post Birdman for him. One of those like, I was

did he win for that? Or was he just nominated. So he was like, on the radar and whatever. Oh yeah, it was big for him. And then it was like, oh, and now the Robocob remake. Okay. And I guess it has to be because like there's so much of him and Oldman in the back half of like from about a third in. It's all them and I don't care. Oh my God. I don't care about these characters. I'm watching fucking RoboCow. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? Birdman was released the fall. This is February. This is the fall same year. Oh wow. Oh, okay. All right. So no. He was saving all his acting for that movie.

That could be. Because I mean, like, Michael Keaton, when he's on, he's got that cool twitchiness to him, this intensity. Like, you can just tell what it's not. And the same thing with Oldman, too. Like, two of our more intense actors or have, give it huge intense performances versus, like, I don't know. When you see Gary Oldman doing this sort of, like, genteel kind of fatherly thing. He's trying to do, like, the Gordon mode, like a little bit. A little bit.

Yeah. Just, like, even softer, though. And I'm kind of, I don't like this Gary Oldman mode. Get out of first gear, man. No, I'm not. But it's just, yeah, Zachrudey's like, I don't want to give you robots. He's like, please give me robots. Please.

72% of Americans will not stand for a robot pulling the trigger, sir. But it will make me a lot of money. Please. Got to say, Keaton's hair, uh, did they intentionally make it look this shitty? I don't know, man. This is some spray canned shit. Dude. It's real bad.

I mean, I, that's the thing is, I guess you're supposed to kind of think it looks because he's got, he also has the zip vest thing. True, a lot of it. He does have lame core stuff going around here. Maybe, but it's a little too soft. Again, it's too soft. I need something more electric here. Oh, do you want something more electric?

Like Jay Barichel is this Omnicor guy? Oh, my God. The marketing guy. Why? Jay Barrier is at the end of the movie. He's on a roof and he's like, I don't know about that Robocop. You need him. He just to go off the roof.

Thank you. Going down. That's what I mean. Absolutely. That dude needs to be fucking pavement pizza at the end of this. You're absolutely. Ground floor. Like he needs to like grab like his wife or something and he's like,

ah, creep. I'll even take a watch that first step. It's a doozy at this point, honestly. Bring out some of the old classics, man. Shit,

you know, I just need to see that gentle Canadian thrown off the room. Exactly. Underline, like there's a bunch of cameras down there, a bunch of news people who are watching Jay. And like, he echoes what he says,

this is going to make us. millions and throws them off. Oh, yes. And onto the paper. Like, it's just so easy. Just do it. Damn it. Oh, even creepier, though, you make this Robocop be able to, like, like a playback audio

that he's heard, so he just speaks, like his mouth moves, but it's Jay Barrettel. He's going to make us a bunch of money. And then he throws him out. Like the Predator? Yes. That's nice. I like that. Every time. Want some candy? But their whole thing is, how do we sway

the public opinion? Because right, as Zekranier, said, people don't want robots pulling the trigger. This gives them the idea of product with a conscience. And there's a Dreyfus actor. You cannot even have robots out there. It's illegal to have robots, but maybe if there's a guy

in there, it's okay, kind of. Yes. Yeah, no, this the world of this movie has taken some steps similar to Dunes' butlerian jihad, right guys? Right? Sure. Right? The butlerian jihad? Of course. Obviously. Of course. It's a thing

in the Dune world where they all decided that like thinking computers were evil and banned them. Oh, nice. Smart societies. They got the problems. Nobody's perfect. Can we get some of that jihad over here? For the table.

But yes, we need a figure we can really get behind. Enter Gary Oldman as Dr. Dennett Norton. No. Take two on that name. I know that like Dennett was like some philosopher or signer. Just fuck you.

His name's Bennett. And nobody gives a shit. It sounds like two anti-virus software's. put together. Yeah, there was a merger. Then make him Greg dead. Also, Norton, Gordon, were way too close here. You're totally right, dude.

Holy shit, I hadn't thought of that. Yeah, he was still Gordon three years prior in that lackluster third movie. Commissioner Gordon, Dr. Norton? Commissioner Gordon, these classes, I'm Commissioner Gordon with these classes of Dr. Norton. Man, imagine if they met.

That would be crazy. That would be pretty cool. They would end the universe of Norton and Gordon touched hands. That's it. two fingers touch and it's just a big blip no they can't touch each other

so we meet him he is helping a fella who has lost his arms in some way and he's got basically jacks from Mortal Kombat arms and he can still sexually play classical acoustic guitar he still emotion

he starts feeling emotions about it and then he can't and he needs emotions to be able to play I love this duty turns to Gary Oldman he's like but I need emotion to play my sexy guitar. And I was like, I want that movie. So it's like the robot stuff doesn't work if you have emotion. Is that what's happening?

We never lend that whatever that is. When he starts killing people really fast, they're like, oh, we were tricked him. It's just the software. So I guess that's what we're saying is if there's an emotional response to any robotic thing, you can't continue to do it. Yeah, well, that's why I think they think that Murphy is the best because he is that emotionally dead whatever. And then he overcomes it towards the end. And I guess that's your chosen one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, it's Alex. Oh, right. Oh,

Alex. Hi, Alex. We say Alex way too much. I can't be on a first name basis with Robocop. Of course not. This is so stupid. Why? So many people said yes. Dr. Norton. Commissioner Gordon. Dr. Norton. Dr. Norton and Commissioner Gordon. They're the best friend. Just imagine Gary Ombitt in a chair. He's a little bit to the right, Dr. Norton, a little to the left, Commissioner Gordon. Dr. Norton, Commissioner Gordon. It would also be a

Dr. Norton. Commissioner Gordon. Yeah, that's true. Because he is getting Gordon a little something. Because he cares about those movies you see. Oh, what did you know? How about that? So, yeah, you're invited to work on the Robocop project. Save thousands of lives,

is Michael Keaton's idea here. So we do meet these crooked cops and Valone gives or they give Valone the room that Lewis is in at the hospital so we're going to go there and it's like well who do you think he's going to be investigating when he wakes up

or whatever and we got Joel Kinnaman at the hospital and this is where we see the dude puts the little bomb one of the cops puts the bomb like under his wheel shitty bomb by the way totally right yeah like it's got to be a cooler look I thought it's just a tracker I mean you left his head

his teeth, his lungs, his arm. Get the guy in the car when he turns the ignition. Kaboom, this car alarm, horse shit. Wait till the morning, you impatient ass. It's just like the rest of this movie. It's passionless. It's just like, no, it's a little thing I put it in here. Slam.

But that would be awesome, though, if it's like, there's a conversation between like the loan and the crooked cops where it's like, he was supposed to be dust. And I've heard rumors there's a head, lungs, and one hand left. What was that bomb doing? And he was about to get down with his missus.

I heard he only survived because he had all that blood stored in his penis. So they were able to save the blood because it was all there in the penis. Genuinely surprised that this 2014 remake didn't have some like, where'd my dick go? Yes. Give him like a piston. Oh, totally. Yeah. Spector gadget.

Oh, don't worry. He's fully functional. It just sounds like, we, re, re, we just can't get some alone time. That's a problem here. We're going through candidates for who. could be a Robo Cop. They don't want the first guy because he's a fat guy. Yeah, he's very funny.

Well, we can't make a fat Robocop suit. That's not going to work out. It's a guy without limbs that is heavy. He's like, oh, he let himself go or whatever. Oh, that was right. He was injured in combat and then he let himself go. If you're turning him to a robot, what is that matter? Yeah, exactly. I don't know.

He kind of looks dumb, too. I don't like that. The dumb look on his face. Listen, I don't want to keep reprograming this thing not to go to Wendy's, okay? That's the last thing I need. you have to have this line from the Jay Barachell marketing character that a black dude comes on screen and they're like, well, this guy tested very well in the urban areas. And I think of that, I'm like, what were the questions for the testing? What are you telling these people?

I think he would test well anyway. You show the fat guy. You show this guy. Well, I mean, of course. But what do you do? So what is the, what is the guys? do you like the fat guy or do you like the black guy? The movie's just saying black people like black people.

I know that's what the movie's saying. But I'm saying in the world of the movie, what was the purpose of this focus group? This one kid really likes Speedo guy. Exactly. But yeah, this is where we meet Abby Cornish as Clara Murphy. I know her just from the two Martin McDonough things in Geo Storm. Was there like a big thing that she was in?

She's the name. I mean, she's very pretty. Hold on a second. Geostorm, wasn't that a previous episode? Butler, Butlerian It was part of the Bulgarian Jihad, but a different butlerian jihad than what I was.

Gerard Butlerian Jihad. Gerard Butlerian Jihad, which is just the world decides every movie has to have Gerard Butlerian. Honestly, in 2014 you're rebooting this. You got to make it gram here. Make it like a Denna Thieves guy that you make a Robocop. A scumbag has to become absolutely. I think, I mean,

she did have a while there she was in a lot of mid-range indies. But the thing I always remember is she's the reason that Ryan Phillip and Reese Witherspoon? Oh, really? All I know is I love her game hens.

Game hens. Cornish gamehens. God damn it. Paul, for the table. Hey, he's in Cornish game hen, David said. It's very good. Was she in stop loss? Maybe. Little David loves the Detroit Red Wings. There's this one moment because he's like,

Dad, we're going to watch the whole game because it's, yeah, son. I'm going to bang your mom real quick. And then like, there's this. Hold tight, little G. She's like, when he comes back as Robocop, he's been in China, which is, you know, we'll talk about the made in China stuff, which is pretty interesting. Yeah, that's actually kind of something, you're right. The imperialist part.

But what he's, he's like, Dad, I saved all the games and I haven't watched him. There's like 40 Red Wings games. And he's like, yeah, I'm too much of a robot. And that sounds terrible. Like, what I want to watch a fucking six-month-old hockey games? Yeah, listen, kid, I've been getting all the updates. They got an app screwed into my brain now. so I just get ESPN tickers going on.

I know how the Red Wings are doing it and it's fantastic. I've been keeping up with the worldwide leader. I'm okay, I got it. Also, empty out that DVR for your mother, all right? She's got her program. She needs to put on there, kiddo. There's a weird move here where, like, you know, their ideal, like suburban life or whatever.

And, like, little David's got to toddle off to bed, and he's like, give you mom a kiss. And he goes, too slow. And he kisses a mom first in a sexy way. And that's just, no, that's too close. Those two things shouldn't be near each other. Absolutely. Because then what he does, which is great, is he turns back to the kid like, you better look next time.

You didn't even score off a mom. I just cucked my own son. Hell yeah. No, I'm going to fuck her. You're now turning it into that. I got to say, you know, yeah, they're trying their best with not a lot here. But this is, and he's not a robot yet, guys, this is a very mechanical sex scene. It is a lot of just like, now I will take off shirt.

Now we will kiss. My mouth kind of open. No, no, leave the door open. No, I want him to see. I want him to see. See what he's missing in here. He doesn't know. He doesn't know.

What'd he's talking about? He's faster next time. Too slow, David. You're too fucking slow. Yeah. Too fucking slow. See how fast I'm fucking her? Yeah, why don't you see what's going on with my car?

What's going on with Daddy's car? So the car alarm's going off a few times. She's like, leave it'll go off on its own. Hey, good idea. It'll wake up. David. So he goes down stairs, goes outside. The fobs not turning it off.

Better put my mittens on it. He's kind of doing like the Bugs Bunny or I'm sorry, the Wiley Coyote when the bomb is at work, he starts jumping on it. You know what I mean? So it blows up and he's totally fine as we'll see. It's a very like, what do you call

it there, Revenge of the Sith burning up here. I kind of want to see this guy splatter parts, you know what I mean? I mean like Murphy's He's like deconstructed in that first movie. Yes, the demise of Murphy there is just truly something. Especially when you get that director's cut. That's the exact same runtime, but it shows you way cooler stuff.

That's what you want to see. You just, you need something. And this is like, yeah, he's not in it. So he's not instantly a Skellington. He's just like knocked out of the way and also dies. And then, yeah, we see like the aftermath. He's all burnt up over his body and his wife. She's very teary-eyed.

And Gary Oldman's giving her the hard sell here about the robo cop program but that's why yesterday me and my wife went to a lawyer I got a DNR do not robocop you have to sign the DNR absolutely I won't do that I say Robocop no did you get the other DNR too or

because I mean I know it's these are important things here Steve I always wanted to be some form of walking dead some type of thing that haunts the earth you wouldn't want to walk around being a cop though well I like hassling people it does that's true see how the other half lives

too you know Steve's right though man you should be a golem you just walk around people are fucking putting paper in their mouth would do them favor yeah I would love to be a gallop they would be fucking with your face a little bit though you would have to deal with that's true

people touching you and whatnot but I like being fed sensually maybe some grapes with those notes that's fine I think that that could be a range I'm not gonna do your task until you put some grapes in here come on give me a grape I like the green one

but yeah so he's like this is the only chance your husband has and she's like yeah but what kind of a life is he actually great question huge question here and then it cuts to a little little bit of trickery here i did appreciate this a little bit it says three months later and it's murphy at a bbq in the backyard and you're like okay what's going on here you got fly me to the moon playing sure uh and then all that goes away actually kind of thought this shot was kind of cool you see the whole uh you know augmented reality or virtual reality collapse around him and he's actually in

the office. He was dreaming. He was having a barbecue with his wife with Lewis and all these people back in 1965. It was great. Hey, go try and kiss your mom. Too slow. La la la la la la la.

Let me tell you something. You want to hear some Davey real quick here. She's not wearing any panties under there. Yes, I now have x-ray vision and I can see your mother's not wearing panties. Actually, what we're doing is wrong, by the way. And that's absolutely wrong. No, no, no, what I was just doing because he doesn't do this.

No, he doesn't. He's just talking. It's still cool, baby. Like, he doesn't. Regular Joel Kinneman, which is like, it's a choice because obviously that's what we want. That's what we fans want. I mean, I imagine, you know, you're thinking about it. You think about this stuff too long.

It's like, well, why would Robocop if he's got like an esophagus and a tongue sound like a robot? That's a human element. that he still has. So why wouldn't he sound like a guy? Exactly. But I prefer the robot voice. And in this movie, it's the opposite where in the beginning of Robocop,

he doesn't know he's Murphy, he just thinks he's a robot, and he has to learn that he's a man. Here he's a man that kind of needs to learn that he's a robot, which could be interesting at a better movie. Also, terrible is the way that they have Kinnaman's face

into this thing, because Weller, the way that they fucking did that and put fake skin around him. So it looked like it just kind of stopped at some point on the met. This is just like a helmet that is perfectly suited to his face. Would you see more of the rounded face? It's also not disturbing at all.

It's not. And I wonder if it's a thing. Because he wasn't a big enough star to be like, well, they got to see more of my face, baby. Yeah, no. And I'm doing this voice for Joel Kinneman, who is a European. But when he does an American accent, like when he was on the killing, yo, Lyndon, what's up? Yeah, he just does that.

He's got the vape store. that's a perfect way to describe it but at least they could have made him like pale or something show me that he remember like in that scene the original like she she touches him and it's like it's cold yeah yeah i feel like we get none of that here the only thing that's kind of close is when he's starting to freak out right here he's like get me out of this suit ma'am and gary oldman has to be like it's not a suit alex it's you and he's like oh it's because the movie's not about him it's about fucking it's about how corrupt fucking gary oldman is like the real turn, it feels like, is Gary Ommen being like, well, no, he's going to be mostly software.

Yeah. You know, this is going to be, and that's like the real moral issue here. Well, keep in mind, Chris, that Gary Oldman was only doing it for that funding, you know, his research. He's got to get that guy playing guitar with emotion, man. And the building a Robocop was the only way to do it. Exactly. So be it. Remember, he resisted the call to adventure to build a Robocon.

That's, I mean, it's an okay thing. If fascism is the other side. of it, it's fine. Dr. Norton, Commissioner Gordon. Dr. Norton, Commissioner Gordon. Well, Dr. Norton has a problem on his hands here because this is a really great Robocop freak out or whatever. He starts choking Gary Oldman.

I got to tell you, Gary Oldman getting choked by a Robocop is pretty funny. Wait a minute, let me just get it out. Oh, yes. Harder. This is harder. You know, Commissioner Gordon would have jerked off to this. Not so much, Dr. Norton. Commissioner Gordon, whacking it. You're kind of crushing it. Oh, that's almost there.

It is a hot little scene. If only David can see that. Too slow. Now I get to crush the scientist windpipe while he jerks off. But so there's a great Gary Alden. Let him run. And the mask comes down right here. We get for two seconds a little Robocop POV.

We should say in this one he's a silver Robocop. At the beginning he's a silver. He's still silver. Yes. Which is the classic look, even though it's a little more slender here. But Joel Kittam. I mean, Peter Weller was a thing. guy too. Yeah. Oh dude, when you see Weller come

into the police station at the beginning of that first movie, he's a rail thin dude, which you know, that's kind of like the Captain America of it all. Like he's built into a superhero body. I guess because the first one, you're thinking about this too much. It's like, well, that's the 80s made in America. It's got to be bulky.

Yeah, that's true. It's a Detroit car. Exactly. This does look like the Chinese made it. You're totally right. Exactly. This guy's got to be an iPhone. The car is a chunky and the people are real thin because of the cocaine. That's right. But yes, he's, and it's kind of cool when you realize he's in China.

Like, that's how this stuff works. He breaks out of the lab and all of a sudden, it's running around and he's like, there's too many Chinese people. What's happening? It's like a factory. Like they're building other robotics parts or something. And you start seeing like, you know, Asian character writing on the wall. And you're like, oh, okay.

And I do like the shot. It is kind of borrowed from that Captain America stinger where he breaks the door open and he's in Times Square. There's he breaks the door open and there's a rice field that he's next. too and books it. Dude, Robocop falling down in a big puddle on a rice field is very much. Well, they just turn him off. Yeah, they'll deactivate. It's great. It just sort of falls.

If I was one of the other science science, but why'd you wait until he was standing in a puddle? Now we've got to fucking clean him all. Exactly. We got to make sure he's all dry. We got to actually, we've got to take some rice that we just had out in the field. Put it inside him. Exactly. Dr. Norton now has to make this whole rice container to drop him in.

My fucking security badge in my locker. And now I got to go all the fucking way back there. But yeah, so we, it's also not as cool of a way that they like sort of reveal the, like, remember, it's all the POV and the people working on it and things like that. And this is much just like, you see Gary Alderman, you see this assistant Kim. Uh-huh. And we're just outside a lot of the time just work. I don't think there's any Alex POV getting worked on. Also, when you're showing all the Chinese workers here, you could have shown the conditions being bad.

If you're talking about imperialism for sure. Exactly. I'm not seen any nuts. Right, the suicide nets for jumping off the time. But so they show him right. Cam, show him. Yes. And this big mirror comes out of the floor.

I don't know why the lab needed to install this, but sure. Because Dr. Norton's checking his figure. Oh, yeah. I just like to look at myself, you know, makes him all presentable. Alone at night sometimes, and it gets awfully lonely. It's good to see another Norton. Oh, hi, North. How are you, North?

Why are all the streaks on the lower third of the mirror? You know, Windex, the formula for Windex is not 100%. that was Gordon I wasn't But this is where The big reveal Like the suit goes away Very Iron Man

Esk The suit sort of comfort does And it's just He's the right hand Lung's heart And ahead Apparently the trivia I was saying

Something about like They left the arm As homage to that scene In the original Where they decided to get rid of his arm Because Miguel Ferrer is like Oh we were supposed to

We agreed It was just going to be ahead And nothing else And he's like Get rid of the arm I miss it him so much. He would have, like, someone like that, adding like a dirt, dirtbag executive flair to this? Well, there's no scumbags in this movie. That's what Jay Baruchel is supposed

to be. Yes. But he's too gentle and nice of a person to play that much of a skumbach. And it's also just not the script either. He's not undercutting, like, it's, you know, it's just, he's doing, all he does, like, product research, this and that. Like, I want somebody, I want the cutthroat corporate culture. Miguel Ferrer blows rails off. woman's rack in the first movie. Also, Keaton needs to be shown as a little more scumbaggy. He likes, oh, yes, he wants to get this to get all this money.

But half him have scenes where, like, I don't really give a fuck how many it saves. Oh, of course. He's sort of halfway portrayed as altruistic in some scenes, and it's just doesn't work for me. Because this, we still do it to this day in some regards, but it's certainly losing its luster.

We fucking worshiped fucking tech billionaires. Yeah. culture. Yes. That fucking crooked South Africans in fucking Iron Man too, you know what I mean? He's mentioned in Star Trek 2009. You know, so like, I feel like that was still there, and that's why Keaton has those

lines where it's like, oh yeah, I'm still kind of a human being. I just want to make the streets safer for everybody. And also similarly, like Detroit, in Detroit, in the original robocop, it's an extreme, ridiculous version of crime. Yes. You know what I mean?

Like, a robocop could exist. Here I don't even know what he's doing. Everything's just so milky gray and nothing. He shoots an old man for standing in a crowd. Literally, mining his own bit. He was probably not going to kill again, guys. He was retired, just like BTK, give him a break. It has to be like the first quarter of Bo is afraid.

That's the kind of world you need to build for me, for me to believe what you're trying to do here. And you're not doing it anyway, so I don't know why I'm asking. Because the excuse in this movie is we need to do this. I mean, again, yeah, Keaton should just be rubbing his hands. money money money but the other part of it is like we're saving officers lives and there is not that part the cynical closed door meeting where you know like eric said he's got to be like you know fuck them cops fuck those people i don't get the shit who's saved but that like never ever happens

well because you can't have you can't have that actually because you can't actually make those people evil evil like it's always got to be like when they are that it's always very shadowy or it's like otherworlding like they're trying to get to like the devil god or something. Well, yeah, it's always misguided. Oh, they just, he's, he's blinded by prophets. Er, good. Yes. If only he wasn't blinded by profits, he can't have any other actual huge mental holes in his fucking head. Right. He's blinded by those god-awful prophets. It's not that he gets off on controlling life and death for people. No, no, no, no, no. But it is weird, though, that like, this movie, part of it is the guys of like, we're making the lives of officers safer. So,

like, we won't have to lose people in, in either city policing or in war or whatever. And like, that's the thing versus the OG 87 where it's like, crime has gotten so bad in this city that cops are powerless to stop it, which is why we need a robot. It's not so much like concern over the safety of the officers. Like the cops in old Detroit are still doing their thing and still bringing people into that station and whatever else. So that's not even on the table. Yeah, because this is 2014 and we're in this era where it's like the Blue Lives Matter coward flag. We have to worship. No cop should dare do their job type of stuff is in the cultural zeitgeist.

Robocop. I'm actually, I don't need to take my phone out to play Candy Crush. I'm playing it right now in my boot-off system. Yes, I'm just standing here uselessly in this subway station. You may think I'm staring at a wall, but I'm playing Candy Crush. Could you believe that the older version of me had to play Minesweep? Man, I loved Minesweeper. It was a fun little game.

That in the little ski-free game where you always got eaten by the little guy. The key one was good. Tab four is Candy Crush. Tab three is pornography. Tap two is also pornography. Tab one is TikTok. And it's porn clips on TikTok. I can instantly model,

I can instantly message only fans model. Good morning, beautiful. I hope your day is sunny and warm, sweetheart. Fire emoji, fire emoji. That restaurant looks excellent. I wish I was there with you. Fire emoji. I'm married and have three children.

It appears in your latest set of photos. You have dumped, Greg. Excellent decision, sweetheart. If you need anybody to talk to, just let me know. If you just need to talk, that's fine. If you need a cold shoulder to lean on. The last geotagged photo you sent of you in your backyard tells me you don't live more than a four-hour drive from me. I'd be willing to make the trip to eat at an eye hop with you, gorgeous.

Gas on me. Well, his operating system is amazing, but him slipping into all these DMs is really draining the battery. Hundreds at a time. Looks like I have to charge again, creep, because I was being a creep online. It's a numbers game.

Some will say no. You just take that into account. Jeffries, you need to find me some new force to burn. Because this fucking thing is going all day and all night. Oh, yeah, he's using generative AI. Absolutely. Now this is a picture of what it would look like if I fought Batman.

Vanessa with bigger tits. Vanessa with even bigger tits. Vanessa with even even bigger tits. Me with big tits? No, no. Maybe. Hey. Me with even bigger tits than that even.

File under private folder. What is this deviant art? What a resource. So he's, Gary Elman's like, hey man, you're fully in control of this. And he's like, well, if I'm in control. of this. I want to die. And he's like, well, you can't be doing that. Now you're a fucking $3 billion machine. And your wife

signed away your life rights to us or whatever. This is some guilt trip shit from Oldman's character right here where he's basically like, well, what do we tell your family? They've been so looking forward to this. I do like that he catfishes his wife in this next scene because he does the camera angle trick.

It's very much like... Hello, beautiful. Exactly. Like, come on, Alex, I want to see your beautiful legs. You know I'm a thigh gal. Do you have like a trash bag over every part but your face? It is kind of funny where he's like doing the FaceTime and he's like, Zoom that in. Zoom that in.

Just keep zooming to you can't see no more robot shit. Pure blackness just surrounding your face. It's so weird. It's me setting up a zoom call. Like we got the right angle here. No, not too much chin there. We don't need to see that. So she is a bit helpful on this FaceTime and she's, you know,

putting her best face on this. Like, we're going to make it like it was. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This call ends, and it's just missing the power down sound effect. But he droops his head in such a disappointment. It's so funny. It's not supposed to be, but it's so, because in my head I just went, jean.

I just looked forward to him crawling into bed with me and breaking the bed in half because it can't take the weight of a computer, a computer fucking robot. And here comes Jack Hiel Haley as bad guy number one. Oh, Rick Maddox you need? Oh, apologies. and like he's like an asshole to him but like he's not a he's not like killing people and you know

shooting babies and stuff like oh I would love to see that. It's just a fucking dickhead weapons expert yes he calls it tin man that's really annoying like okay I do like when they do this is this where they do the simulation part probably yeah somewhere around you is when they're playing the Wizard of Oz

around it is kind of funny if I only had a heart song he fails like he's he can't keep up with the actual robot first it's this side by side simulation of him versus like the EM 209s. To Steve's point, why not train in Iran, shoot some civilians with Maddox there. Go where life matters more is cheaper to kill.

Yeah, well, I think that's because part of it is they're like, well, we got to set it in Detroit. That's that's Robocop's hometown, baby. There's a lot of poor people there, so it's okay if he kills them. We don't see much of Toronto. I mean, Detroit. Yes, indeed. And do Jackie or Hillary?

I just found it in my note's worst line of the movie right here. Oh, yes. Where he goes, scenario failure. I wouldn't buy that for a dollar. Fuck your mother. Come on. Come on. No. Don't worry. There's a line from the original movie coming up a little later as well. I can't wait.

So yeah, Michael Keaton's not pleased. And he's like, well, he's doing okay. He's like, I don't know how to sell okay. Yeah, he needs to be aspiration also. Well, if we lower his emotion chip or whatever and also like, yeah, he's doing really well the next one. It's like, well, because

it's actually the computer doing it. He thinks he's doing it, but he would do too slow. So it's like, they did some, you see Gary Oldman doing some like brain surgery at one point? The woman attendant Kim or whatever is like, what are you doing? And he's like, yeah, just some mild brain surgery. Like, he doesn't specify

exactly what's going on. There's like a little circuit in his brain as well. So I think that's maybe part of it. And it's a coolish idea of like, because he puts the visor down. Actually, we're controlling him. and he thinks he is. And so I thought that was going to be a thing where it's like maybe at the end

he rips the visor off. Sure. Like the visor. Or has him do stuff that he doesn't want to do. Exactly. It never happens at the movie. They kind of abandoned this line of thinking.

You should see him like in the suit being like, what are you doing, Dr. Norton? No, I'm not, no, no, no, no. Like, scream. But then he's still like shooting people. You know, I hate to praise Robocop 3. Hey, man, better movie. It's like you're not allowed to a target like an OCP officer or whatever.

Right. There has to be some. some programming thing to overcome in this. Beyond just the fact that it makes him shoot well and then later he overcomes it to basically know, well, I guess to take out Keaton, but... It's just so late in the movie, yeah. You're saving it for the last second. Exactly. There's like four minutes.

I got my fucking coat on. He finally breaks the program. And then you'll be wearing a red wristband, like you're at a fucking private club. He's like, oh, if you're wearing the red wristband... Oh, that's right. I showed my ID, so you can't shoot me, Robocop. And Jackie O'Haley's character is so proud of this dumb, Ben. She's like, yeah, this was all my idea, you fucking robot. Okay, man. Good. So he's good, and they're going to ship him off to America, you know. But he's got to look more tactical and badass. So Michael Keaton has the line, let's go with black.

Oh, cool. I can't believe that they were able to hold themselves back from using ACDC. Oh, nice. You know what I mean? You're doing a lot of superheroes. No, Disney would be a little upset about it. But also it's kind of Batman begins here. Like, does it come in black? Oh, big time. Yeah. Oh, right, right, right, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That big, his big trial with Jackie O'Haley, just, I mean, just to underline, it's a very poor action. It's boring. It sucks. It sucks. He's shooting these robots. In a warehouse. It is the most nondescript warehouse I've ever seen.

At least the ones in the 80s films in the, you know, early 90s with three or whatever. It feels like this was a place. Yes. It feels like they actually made something here. And it's usually shooting people who are actors who are doing very big, broad performances that you have to be drawn over in slow motion and whatever else. And then, yeah, this is the illusion of free will is what they say here. And yet he's just, it's just a video, it's a video game training scene. Yep.

Where you're not out in the level yet because you still have to figure out how to use the controls and how to aim your weapon and whatnot. You did it, Alex. You hit A, B, up and down. Exactly. And those things are always in these non-discipline. script factory warehouse kind of places with no real character. It's a non-world. Right, because it doesn't have to be because it's a training thing in a video game, but

like you can't bring that into a movie. Try crouching, Alex. Hey, Robocop. Your father helped me like that too. You can't advance until you crouch because we need to know the controls for the games. Boo, boo-boo-boo-bammit. What did you say, Robocop? Do-bo-do-baboo.

It's just to give you, like, it's to give Jackie Earl Haley some come up and it's way too early, like, it would work so much better if you built it up more towards then, and this was just a random, a bunch of, and Jennifer, well, uh, Jennifer Eel finds out like, this, this is corrupt. Like, she knows immediately that, uh, he's been fucking with it in some way, but just kind of lets it go because it's a job, whatever. Jack, your hilly does get zapped. This is the beginning of the zapping where it's like, oh, it's, look out for the stunts.

What happens if a tase and exoskeleton with a little asshole in it is the line that clunks its way on screen. Boy, that is satisfying, isn't it? It is, I mean, I'll watch that little guy get tased a thousand times over. It's kind of great. You've got it funny to just cut that. You're watching that bad nightmare in Elm Street movie. Just cut that in towards the middle.

Like every couple of minutes, like when you're just, God, this sucks. Oh, that's fun. It'll prank him back up and it'll get your motive. Oh, maybe it'll happen again. I'll watch the rest of the movie. Man, that is a bad movie. Speaking of Remakes. Holy cow.

On Patreon, you can listen to a whole single book to me. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. I forgot we did that. Sure. So Robocop goes to meet his family, which is what I don't watch Robocop movies for. And he's nervous in the car with Gary Oldman.

Gary Oldman's given Robocop a ride in this fucking family sedan. I don't think Robocop can sit in normal cars. Call this Robo dad. To say anything scene in the middle of my Robocop. I don't need this. If I had a pulse, it would be racing. Well, I guess that means he's comfortable enough being a robot that he's making robot jokes about himself.

Alex, just to let you know, to understand you better, I had to fuck your wife a few times. If it comes up. I needed to know about the nooks and crannies, Alex. But don't worry, I did it in front of your son because apparently that's how you guys did it. David was cool with it.

Too slow, David. Dr. Norton's in it down. This kid's just crying. She was very express about this, Alex. I should leave the door open at all times and be loud, he said. David, this is a used condom Take it to the bin. Well, no, you would wrap it up in toilet paper first.

Oh, okay. No, no, no, toilet paper for you. I think it's... No, yeah, I think you could say, no, no, he takes it raw. You take it raw. You take it raw. Raw, dog. Oh, so there's no common in full.

No. I think they should have remade this as Robo Dad, starring Eddie Murphy. And it's a fucking ridiculous comedy. Didn't he do that? It's not what, like, me, Dave is? Me, Dave. What was that? No, there's a, it's a

Gleap glop. He's a gleep glop. Like, he's a miniature Eddie Murphy in an Eddie Murphy robot. Is that right? I think that's what it is. Isn't that what Eddie Murphy really is? Isn't that, aren't I a miniature Steve

inside of a larger Steve? I guess that will be all. Oh, man, I can't wait to fucking go to your self-help talk. Jesus Christ. But, yeah, so, a bit of an exaggeration here. Like, he's like, oh,

Gary Alden's like a show. It's got to be five. This other thing goes, It was a privilege. I was like, I don't think it was a privilege working on this project, Gary. The movie just never knows if he's benign or not

until maybe the very end and he turns out to be benign. Yeah, exactly. You got it. Here's a thing. You have to, when this robot man is going to meet his children, which again, or his family,

his son and daughter, or son and wife, which does not happen in Robocop 87. You need to put like a trench coat on this guy. like a Ninja Turtle going to the movies or a fucking hat is something. He just walks in like fucking Frankenstein's monster. This is a little kid to be throwing up when you see your dad come in like that.

It is a like you're trying to do this family drama stuff. It's insane that there's not a freak out. Yes. It's insane that they're like taking it in stride so well. Well, there's a lot. There's a few lines that like David's not doing well. Like he doesn't want to go to school. He feels like shit because his dad's a robot.

Right. crap. But I mean like this. guy walks into the house, this kid should not be saying I devoured all the Red Wing. He should be scared. Yes. He should shit his pants while running out of the house. And also she should be like, oh.

And don't tell me that kid didn't run to the window after that explosion. He probably saw his dad's flaming corpse for a second. He did. That's what fucking Murphy finds out when he investigates his own murder later. See, there you go. Then he can't just take it so easy. Finally, the nightmare's over. Mom, me and you are alone together finally.

Let's take this to overtime. Now I'll take my own condoms to the bin. What? What did you just say? Nothing. But she's like, why did you stay? I actually have to sleep at a different house now for a while. I got to sleep in a charging station or some shit.

There's a Borgube downtown that's got my name on it. Do you have any USBC connectors? Oh, then I can't stay here. I'll have to go back to the lab and power up alongside seven of nine. You need 20 of them. if you have one of those strips that can continue 20. And this is where I clocked it. We're an hour into this movie and he's yet to have a real robocop adventure.

He's not. And he meets, oh man, one of the worst lines of the movie is Michael K. Williams, because he just goes back to the police station into the parking lot or whatever. And Michael K. Williams is like,

oh, cool, man. Good to see you back. Hey, at least you're the right color now. Like I just feel like the great Michael K. Williams would have grabbed that script and be like, could we just talk about, about this one?

I just, what a 20 minute conversation about this one line. It's just, I can give you a 30 seconds. And the answer is do it. But,

uh, Robocop wants to take down Valon tomorrow is the idea. Uh, yeah, at least I know you're the right color now. Okay. Mm-hmm.

It's black suit, you understand. Yeah, there's a joke there. It's a black guy. Somewhere. Yeah. So he's got to make his big

public debut is the idea. And he's getting freaked out about being in front of people. And, dude, Gary Oldman holding this robot saying, he's having a seizure. They're about,

they're minutes away from their big fucking product reveal. It's like, well, I'm going to do now. I'm going to give you all of the CCTV information we've had since 2011. I'm like, that's a bad,

fine idea. After the press conference. Yeah. Oh, right. I totally forgot, yeah, we're going to inject all this data into your fucking head. No wonder he has the stroke.

He does it because he starts seeing his own car explosion. Ah, fuck. And it's like, wow, this is a huge. Don't tell anyone that I did this, by the way. Dr. Norton says quiet. This was supposed to be Monday morning for me. So to get around it, right, they just eliminate all of his human emotion.

Yes, they set his dopamine levels to 2%. Which is where mine is. Watching this. And now he's more like a robot. I feel fine, Dr. Norton. But even then, it's just this soft Joel Kinnaman voice. Yes. It doesn't feel like a robot's talking.

I do like that he snubs his family. Oh, dude, he faces that family. It's great. Oh, man. So he's looking out of the crowd and everybody's cheering. And he, you know, we're getting some robocop stuff here. Like, oh, oh, innocent, innocent, whatever. Then he spies this old timer and, like, the file comes up and it's like wanted for murder or whatever.

I'm a wanted murderer. I'm going to go to the big Robocop expo. Like, what are we talking about? Bad wanted murderer move, I have to say. Exactly. Like, I don't want to be anywhere near a robotic cop. It is fucking hilarious. though because he jumps down off the thing

and like get back here or whatever. This dude runs away and Robocop shoots him in the back. Yeah. But again, it's just a tase so it's fine. His heart should blow out of his chest. Because if that happened, they'd be like, oh wow, this is a real fucking stain on this whole pro. We've got to figure out what's going on, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, I stay

I tase this guy. And he turned out he's a wanted murderer, so now I'm a fucking hero to the town or whatever. I want to see Robocop testifying court about this guy. You know, like, let's go, let's stay with this for a little bit. And you get Sam Jackson, who's like, whole hog, Robocop thing now because he's, he's like, he's like actively shit-talking cops at this point. He's like, there's a cop right there, and there's a cop right there.

And none of these dumb motherfuckers knew that this wanted murderer was right. That cops did nothing. A monster in their midst. Oh, is that what it is? Yes, because it's Fox Newsie and, you know. Sam Jackson says Robocop in 64 minutes, by the way. There we go. I don't know when it's exactly said in the 87, but.

I still can't, like that first movie, under 30 minutes, he's on his first Robocop Tour of Duty. And there's not that, like, he doesn't have like, it's just this one murder thing. We hear about stuff. We don't see him like, tear through the town. It's not interesting. No, we don't get the, you know, the lady with the guy. Shooting the bullet through her skirt and getting to do the dick. Or the Little League team or whatever.

Oh, yes. Or even the bodega or the gun store moment. You know what I mean? Like all of these are like, give me one of those. was like a reality in those movies. It was a location, even if they filmed it in Atlanta or wherever they filmed it. It was tactile.

It was there. You had multiple sets. You had flop houses. You eventually had the drug nuke. You fleshed out the world. Here nothing much happens in this movie. But do you remember when it goes to black when he gets killed and they're like, well, shum down. It goes to black. Don't you wonder what was

happening in that? I don't. Well, okay. So then this movie is not for you. Oh, okay. This movie is for the five people. that did want that on Reddit, which we presumed was most of the voting populace and I don't know why we thought that. I saw that, Kinneman had

said later on, like in 23 or whatever, that the problem was they didn't listen to fans because the fans would have wanted the satire and the comedy. And the fucking violence. The violence is the real thing. That's the real one.

It's one of the best movies about Ronald Reagan's America. period is Robocop and you certainly in 2014 could say a lot of shit about the Bush presidency, the beginnings of the Obama presidency, like, you're talking about drones and all that, it's all right there for the taking.

They can do it, but you've got to have some fucking teeth. That's what satire needs, teeth. Even the self-seriousness, even lack of satire, if you have good violence, you can power through it. There's a three, three and a three-and-a-star movie there. It's true. If you really can power through it. So he goes back to the police station, he goes to the chief

And he just basically, like, tells her what he's going to do for the day. And he's like, I'm going to catch a murderer. Have EMTs at the ready or whatever. And he walks out, Michael K. Williams is like, oh, yeah, I bet those crooked cops are shit in their pants now. And again, it's another really good Robocop icing. He just fucking walks right fast him. Oh, there is that one sequence where he shoots that guy with the grenade. That's kind of fun.

That's coming up here, wherever he's doing that. Because he goes, he's looking for the murderers, like, associates or whatever. Also, Robocop immediately just on this motorcycle. I need that car That fucking car that he had Was super cool And it was kind of DeLorean-esque almost But to your point

It never made sense that he'd be sitting in a car He looked like a happy meals figure This is a little Him on a motorcycle makes I think more logistical sense I hear you You can also give him like a like a Hummer or something Just be like this is your beefed up car

Because you indeed weigh two tongues Robocop Yeah the grenade guy is at a drug lab He's like he stops some kid And like I could show shoot you with 5,000 volts or you could tell me where the drug lab is and I'll still arrest you.

Oh yes, that's right. So then they go to the drug lab and you get to see the drug lab drug labing. I would like the little more of what all this vague drug trade is, but... He just wipes out these dudes with like stuns though. That's the weird thing. He lets the one guy blow up

and he just goes justified which is pretty funny. But like this is your... These are just scumbag drug drug makers. Sure. Chests exploding. That's what you want.

Heads popping like grapes. Arms fly. Whatever it is. That'd be nice. I mean, the whole situation is being monitored by Dr. Norton, you know? And it's like no fear,

no increase in the heart rate, no traces of anger, just like when I bang his wife. People are like, congratulations, doctor. Well, because when he goes, I mean, I hate that I keep doing this, but in 87, when he goes to the drug lab,

that's the scene where he's throwing Clarence, bottle through all the windows and shit. and shit. He destroys that place in that movie. What is this shit? It's so good. She's got to be a cop on the edge, you know? So Keaton turns everything over to Jackie Earl Haley. He doesn't feel like Oldman is doing enough here.

So this is where Sellers, Michael Keaton, goes on the Novak show. When we're talking about we're trying to, the vote is coming up to repeal the Dreyfus Act or whatever. I like the Sam Jackson line. of like has the Senate become pro crime? Dude, I took a screenshot of that when I was watching. That's exactly what we're talking

about today, so there you go. Very weird. Then you get Dreyfus comes in here, you get Zach Grinier hologram guy. That's really something. Which is funny because you remember when CNN was doing this when they had hologram people come out? Briefly, right? Very briefly.

Who was it like Chris Matthews, Kaietti Mundi? A few other Star Wars guys were there. Oh, I think Yaddle was there in the Sheave Palpatine. Wow. Chi Eddie Mundi on CNN, I kind of like that. I would watch CNN if

Kai Eddie Mundi was a contributor. I'll tell you that much. Of course, yeah. Welcome back to the Kai continuum. Oh, fuck. Yeah, we're going to read some mean tweets first. Yeah, you keep calling me cone head guy online. Don't care for that too much.

But his whole thing is like, look, this is all PR stunned. you know, this one robocop is not going to be like the whole thing. This is crazy or whatever. And then yes, has the U.S. Senate become pro crime? Sam Jackson knows the assignment of this movie. He's not, he's not full throttling it,

but he actually at least knows what the movie should be, and he's trying to go for that. Unlike with Keaton and Oldman, you are actually getting what you paid for. You know what I mean? He's doing the script, so it's not going to be great, but he's doing it the best he goddamn could in a Sam Jackson way. Exactly.

So there's a quick scene where it's like more of this Valen, the lone guy where he's like, you know, oh, well, we can't like manufacture evidence out of thin air or whatever. And you got this, the crooked Liz character who's like another PR person, I think, for Michael Keene. It's like, oh, well, we'll just like, we're going to cut off the wife and everything. Oh, she's the lawyer. She's like legal.

That's Jennifer Earl. Jennifer Eel. She, and like also she could be punched in the first. face by someone. Like maybe Abby Cornish is like, you know, does the Margot kid or will, you're a real pain in the neck and punches her in the face? These kinds of things could happen. Or a robocop can shoot her in the chest.

Shooter in the chest or, you know, two for the ground floor. And, you know, something like that. Or, oh, no, he throws them down. There's like a little restaurant down there and they slam into the restaurant. The table for two. Hell yeah. No reservation required. But yeah, this is where

I think Clara approaches him like on the street And then this is where she's like, Hey man, you're fucking kids not doing too good here. We're falling apart. You got these signs in the background. People need signs not. People need signs.

Robots don't, which is kind of a nice little line. I thought, because she's like, he's being bullied at school. I thought Robocop was about to fucking tear into some fat kid. That's amazing. Or just like, some like 40 feet like right liver die you're coming with me bully i'll take a nice robotic finger in the chest that's the thing yeah it's more interesting if he does like a lydia tar oh nice yes rather than throw a nice chuck would be nice you know just pig skin like the kid

does a die you're just like robot boy robot boy exactly oh yeah it should have the tar ending too it's like now i have to be the security robot at an anime convention Oh, fuck, I was canceled for killing a kid. This way for the 3 p.m. screening of the 4K of Ninja Scroll. Oh, great. Now I have to wipe up the comm. Oh, there was a lot this showing. Oh, boy.

Okay. 50 cents more, you get free refills on the soda. Just saying. I used to be a person, by the way. Larry, get the push broom. Do we have a push mop? That would be really helpful here. And something like, he's.

seeing all this stuff about his kid being emotionally distressed or whatever and this is where Oldman's assistant Kim is like oh he's overcoming the protocols or whatever you know why because he's just that damn good. Just that god damn good he's a goddamn hero cop well goddamn cop

I haven't really seen him do anything hero not a heroic stuff yet the movie's still trying to get going I think and then he just goes this is where he goes to the house he's like soft with the murder the first movie just one one off he stops a rape yeah can we just do that no I need him robocopping around before we're just solving your own murder.

Boomer murderer in a fucking crowd. Exactly. And Valone is not evil enough. What is he actually done? This dude is no Kurtwin-Smith. That fucking character is a proud cop killer. He's killed like 36 cops or something. Like 20 rapes they say and all that nonsense or whatever.

And at this he's just, he's like, yeah, I've got this gun business. I've got some crooked cops and I arranged a bomb in your car. but that's it. It doesn't do anything. And I know you want to go to the PG-13, but if it's like, oh, you know, this, hey, we got Frankie four-fingers. He's not going to pay.

He's like, oh, yeah? Take the chainsaw. Like, even that's it. It'd be like, whatever. As you hear it's starting up, and you can cut to the next Steve. Exactly. I'm just looking up because I'm just kind of curious here.

You're going to have to call him Frankie no arm. Exactly. Patrick Garrow is this balloon carrier. Is that right? Nothing. He's in that Bruce Willis movie 16 blocks, apparently. Really? He played one of the blocks? Might as well, dude, with the screen presence of this

Valone character. He's in that Twisted Metal show. Played one of the medals? He's the clown. No, I don't know. He's definitely not twisted. I'll tell you that. Yeah, I mean, he's done things. I just, I didn't really recognize him from anything. It's an underwritten role. It's an under whatever

realized role. The whole thing's under base. Yeah. He's, oh, you know, he's in that movie The Silencing with Nikolai Koster Wal. Oh, interesting. Yeah. So he's solving his own murder. This is where we see the kid did get a look. Like looked at the window like,

Oh, wow, crispy critters. Look at that. And he goes to this guy, Jerry, who I think was the dude who he initially. The informant or whatever, yeah. And this is a great like, I know you've remembered me, Jerry. Like he's just talking like a guy. I hate it so much. I know.

Oh, my God. But so, yeah, we got to go find this guy, Marcus Price. Jerry says because that guy does security for Valone is the idea and you're just like... I'm tapping my toe the whole fucking time. I'm like, shoot someone. Robocop shoots people.

Shoot me. This is what he does the big raid on Valone's hideout and we get some Sicario vision as I like to call it here for a second. There is a good Valone thing here. He's getting his dudes ready and he goes 50 caliber and above. Aim for the head.

Which none of these dudes do. But it is kind of a nice line because yeah, Robocop come and he's coming to get these dudes. And I looked at at this point because it kind of feels you're like, all right, sort of like the end of the movie, possibly, right? We're going to get the balone, whatever. Sounds great. 35 minutes

left of this movie. I couldn't even believe it. Because you got to take down the whole system Andrew. You have to have the whole system because to bring it down. But yeah, the Valone thing is great. You freak, you die. He fucking yells at Robocop. And again, like, not to whatever about the other movie, but like, you had

Ray Wise in that movie. He had a whole crew of dudes that like the scum fuck redheaded guy. Yes. He spent in a thousand things. Yeah, the guy from ER and all that stuff. Yes, yes. Like, there were dudes and not even just the actors, but like they were just like he's the laughing guy. He's the dumb one. He's the one. It's so easy

to do. It was a fleshed out crew. It's so easy to do that. Here it's like faceless guys. I mean, I guess you get the corrupt cop guys, but they're boring too. Can't anyone flip a coin anymore? Like have a I have a fucking toothpick. I'm the toothpick guy. You know what happens?

about this heaven forbid someone light up a fucking cigarette. Exactly. All PG-13. You can't do that. It's so pathetic, dude. It's so pathetic. A guy's always slick at his hair back. You know, these are little things you could do in a movie. I really want to laugh at her. Now that you said that, I want to laugh. Lafers are the best in crime gangs.

Yeah. Exactly. Because you want them to die so bad. Exactly. Great. But after the big takedown or whatever, Murphy scans the gun here and he's, oh, it's got the prince of the two cops on or whatever. So he goes back to the station and take these dudes down or whatever. And then they're

like, hey man, don't look at us. Chief Dean was in on it. And this great shot of Robocop turning around. And she's just like, oh. Well, he tases one of the guys and shoots the other. There's a Michael K. Williams line, bad. It's not good cop, bad cop, it's bad cop, Robo cop.

Oh, wow. It's just again, Michael K. K. Williams's like, Jesus Christ, man. What a fucking wire. This is embarrassing. God, I've got to get back to Boardwack Empire. Like, can we just a nice season going maybe yeah i'd love it uh yeah so he goes into her of it you tried to kill me twice i trusted you and you destroyed my family yes okay but then uh he's about to like take her in and jacky or hill he powers him down right here because they're in on it together in a way that's very unclear

because she's just it's just crooked yeah um j barichel sees this as an opportunity for the marketing perspective though because he's like holy shit robocops solving his own murder like you can use this or whatever. So Sam Jackson's back on the air. Now we're doing like some fear mongering about bribed police because he's like, if these two could be crooked, how many out there in the DPD are crooked and whatever? I see why you fell asleep.

Yeah. Honestly. Yeah. You know, but the votes come in and they're confident they have all the votes. But then legislation is really, really exciting. Don't you want it in your Robocop exciting adventure? Just people counting votes from Congress. Congress. Sounds great. Well, wait. Oh, okay. So Congress is doing something evil. I relate to that. I see that every day, right? So they repeal the Dreyfus Act. They do. Don't worry in the end. Whoever the president is vetoes that. You wouldn't have a bad president. That's unthinkable in 2014. But so Clara goes to the media right here and she spills like, hey, they've denied me access to him for weeks now at this point or whatever. And Jackie O'Haley, kind of a smart line here.

He's like, this thing solved its own murder. How long do you think it is before he realizes we're all together now? Yes. You know, he's talking to, I believe he's talking to Michael Keaton, you know, in that scene. And yeah, Jay Barichelle, you know, I feel like this was maybe a trailer line. We created a hero. What happens when he opens his mouth? Oh, yeah.

He's talking normally, Jay Baratel, actually. That's what's happening. He doesn't sound like a fucking robot at all. And what, like, Keaton's like, what's bigger than a hero? And Jack Heard is like a dead hero? Yes, so that's the move now. They think it'll be easier to just be like, oh, he got killed and didn't survive this thing, and we'll just ice him. Keith, do you remember the word?

God, we got a bunch of writers in this room. Nobody can remember. Martyr! Martyr! God, damn it. I had that in my notes, too, because it's just like, say the word martyr. What are we dumping it down for here? Dead hero? Dead hero.

But, yeah, so Keaton has to be like, oh, hey, we failed Alex Murphy or whatever. and Oldman, this is where he's trying to get Oldman to like agree to fucking do the deed and Oldman says like, yes, but if you give me financing for my research for 10 years and I get to pick my own staff and whatever.

My wife and children are really taking care of nicely. Really, all expenses pay. This is for the Robo Cup. Yes, yeah. I want them to be really good. They all be taken care of. Now, and then it's like, oh, we haven't seen the family enough.

why don't we bring them in for a scene right now where we tell them that he's dead before he's dead question mark why? That's a real talk up, yeah. They need to get them for some reason in that building because that's where the big finale's going to be. Like, hey, the movie's almost over. I'll call them in for the movie.

Yeah. We moved the movie. I know we said the movie was going to be at the police station. We actually moved into the facility over there. Do you guys have a ride to the movie? Because we're trying to end the movie. so you guys could get a ride to the movie that would be great.

It's the... It's the... The movie ending. It's the movie ending. Finale. Fuck. Fuck. But...

So Michael Keaton, he makes Keaton think at this point that Alex is dead and sort of lies to him or whatever. Robocop fucking stuns them again. There's more stunning here so he can escape. Oh, boy.

Now Oldman's like, I'm going to, they're coming for us or whatever. I'm going to be in on it. He wants you dead, you understand? He decides to basically risk his life to try to power up Robocop in time for him to, I guess, stunts these guys. Got to hear Robocop. They don't want you anymore. Don't you understand? But so yeah, Alex breaks out.

He's being chased by Jack Herald Haley here. This Michael Keaton press conference that he's given, I think he's talking. to the reporter from Iran. That all gets interrupted. These fucking security guards running like, oh my God, Mr. Keaton. No reason, but you have to come with us now, sir. Is that live? Are they live on the air right now? Michael Kay Williams is coming to SWAT team car for some, I don't know how this works out. Michael K. Williams has like a gang of like not crooked cops that he can rely on that are coming to help for some reason. Sure. Yes. And they, he crashes the SWAT van into an ed 209

which could have been cool but it doesn't really look that great here no it really does not it also doesn't look great when robocop I think it's somewhere around here is like on the back of one of them and he's fighting it and you're like this just looks like CGI Slop it's a cartoon dude it's just a full on it's it's all these

ed 209s versus Robocop and like again you should be like oh shit is Robocop strong enough to take down these head two and it doesn't matter and he's not he gets shot at he gets shot he shoots his own arm off to get out from under one. Oh, that's right.

And 2.09 falls on and he shoots his own arm. And then he's like running from them and constantly shot the back. Which had me laughing. And this is where Lewis, the Lewis character comes in to like be like, I'm a cop. Don't shoot right in front of him. Real gamble here. Now that you know everybody's crooked with this computer programming.

But it worked out. It worked out. It gives Robocop enough time to slink at the back and continue to try to end the movie. Yes. Thank God. This is where Jackie O'Hill He's got his red asset thing And he's making fun of Robocop

And then Lewis just fucking They sort of do like a shoot each other thing Which is garbage $40 I get the red band And you can't shoot me And I get to call you tin man I also get to go to the front of the line Fast pass bitches

Private private bathroom too It's a small world for me Because I'm gonna be the only one in that fucking ride Remember Pistin and shit I'd still do it You don't.

Remember pissing and shitting. I remember pissing and shitting. It's the little pleasures in life. Clara, now that all the robocopping is over with, I just kind of miss pissing and shitting. I'm just going to sit on the toilet. Alex, no. I just wanted to remember what it was like. Water spewing everywhere.

They'd have to get him like a super reinforced, like steel toilet like he's at a zoo or something. I don't know. I just wanted to look at the. paper. Well, that's the thing is that this robot hands rip the paper by accident. He's too strong. Nothing is working. I'm going to have to get a bidet in here

because I cannot grasp this toilet paper either. Oil debate, dude. Get like one that shoots oil up here. Totally. Oh, we didn't talk about that part where he's getting dialysis for two seconds. Oh, right? Yeah, that's kind of fun. Yeah, great. So the movie's over, right? Yeah, pretty much. Top floor in

a movie. Top floor, yeah, no more movie above it, we're facing off with Michael Keaton here. This is Robocop saying, Dead or Alive, you're coming with me. And I was awake for this part in the theater, and I remember no one gave a shit. There was at least 40 people in that auditorium.

How are we still making these mistakes, by the way? Like, you look at something like Alien Romulus, with throwing in the lines from the franchise. The iconic lines from the franchise. Because these people, they're always clunkers. They've got to check with us. Yes. I've said this before. If you're doing stuff like this,

Just shoot us an email. We'll watch the movie. We'll tell you what parts are embarrassing and people are going to be making funnier for on the internet. We're actually really nice guys. Okay? We got this hard exterior because people think we're a hate group with the name. We're not.

But yes, Keaton threatens the family right here. And then this is where he sort of outgrows his programming or defeats his programming. And shoots Michael Keaton. And when you see the overhead shot at the end there, you can confirm that it's a hedge. shot and we cut before impact on the shit like fucking toothless Robocop

damn it that's I mean because you're thinking you got one right you think they're going to give you one good one and like you didn't it wasn't like the villain guy was actually shot it was all in darkness and you just like saw the heat signature of him

going down. Yes. So you're like why not allow this one but nope can't happen. And then the scene ends with this really bad CGI poli out. I'm into the sky. I expected Morgan Freeman to come out and just be like, and that was the tale of Robocop, a Jesus figure. You might

remember when I played God that one time. That's what I'm doing again here. Boy, we should all stop being corrupt. That's what we should stop doing. That's the moral of the tale that we should all just stop being corrupt. Oh, look, it's my good friend, Commissioner Gordon. I mean Dr. Norton. Or do I mean Commissioner Gordon or Dr. No, that's more like a

Dr. Norton. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, you thought I was God. No, this is Lucius Fox here. I've just been watching this movie here with you. But yeah, he finally, finally looks like a decent robocop at the end of the movie. That's your classic sequel set up. No, the good movie's the next time. No.

The good one's next. Don't worry, the next one's going to be good. No, no, no, no. And then you just, the movie ends with Sam Jackson just yelling at you. Is he, at the end, like, he's like with the family. Does he live in the house now? Is it like, it's all got to be reinforced? Or if, like, the bare minimum.

him he's got to stay downstairs. Or maybe like it's like Sean of the Dead where like Nick Frost is in the shed in the end of that movie. A shed living is what this thing deserves. Just like he's like he's more car than man. Put him in a garage. You turn the garage into that space they had with the charger station. You spend a billion dollars of whatever fucking money needs to be put in to do that.

Then yeah, yeah, he can go home. And he even like makes a joke, oh, it's my man cave. Ha ha. But actually that's where all my neutrinos and power sources are. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, the house is going for 850,000. Yeah, okay, it's three bedrooms, two and a half bath. Yep.

Three families have lived here prior. It's built in the 70s. You know, it's a little bit of wear and tear. In the garage off to the side, there is a robot charging station, which really does bring up the value of the house. You'll be able to use this for all your robots you need to be charging. Oh, and the driveway's dained because a car exploded. Yeah, we couldn't get his shadow burned into the driveway out.

Have you ever seen the big heat? Kind of like that. And you will need to add your own toilets because those have all been ripped out of the walls. Yeah. We did. We put in an electric car charging station in there. So you can use it for that too. If you don't have a robot here, you know, can use it for something else.

Oh, and his dialysis unit is still in the kitchen, but it's okay because you can use it to keep frosty drinks moving like they do at 7-11. I should have said it comes with a robocop. He could have led with that. He comes with the house. Live or die. You're moving. in with me. It was hardwood floors but then of course he would crush

through. So now this is all steel. This is all steel. You forgot about the chore wheel scumbag. Because it's Sam Jackson, this end diatribe has a bunch of bleeped out swearing. It's a little bit. It's just sucks so bad. We're riding off of snakes on a plane.

Exactly. We're pushing that because he hasn't cursed the whole time because you wouldn't because this character wouldn't be. It's Fox News. Yeah, because you know, like off screen. Oh, right. he curses a lot. He does. He says bad words. That's right.

Yeah, and then it ends with a clash tune covering I fought the law. Damn it. Good song. Good song. Best part of the movie. Absolutely. But that is the end of this Drek will go around the horn air for some final thoughts. And I don't believe recommendations.

Eric Sisko. Absolutely not. It's just boring. I don't know what else to say about it. It's just not. It's sort of a miraculous. It's like, it's insane. you fuck this up.

That's me. No, go watch the originals. Chris Cabin. Yeah, I agree with all that. I don't see it. My God,

in heaven. The problem is, is that you just didn't focus on the right things. If you wanted to be a satire, you should have focused on the satire part of it. You didn't seem to really want to do that. It seems like you wanted more like,

boy, howdy, the whole world is corrupt, isn't it? And I'm like, okay, well, what's the solution to that?

Kind of a Robocop, kind of not. Oh, great. That's very helpful. Thank you. And, am I going to get a Robocop movie in here for like 15 minutes of an almost two-hour movie? So yeah, that's a no for me.

And I would suggest just remakes in general, we're coming towards the end of this nice month. Bad, bad idea. Generally speaking, I'm going to say, and this one especially. Very few of them work out the way you want them to. Steve Sadek. Yeah, this is one of the worst remakes ever made, I would say. It's really just really, really misses the point of everything that you would want in a remake of this movie and updating of this movie

even though that in general to Chris's point it's kind of a bad idea to begin with but you could have found ways in the intervening 30 years between the two to just spice it up a bit or or honor the spirit of the original by updating it and you didn't do any

of that and you just sort of like tried to just cash in on adventure movie tropes of the mid-2000s and it's just really dull yeah a truly embarrassing spectacle here everybody should be ashamed It's just a failure. And you know, you're not going to bat a thousand.

No. But this is a particularly large failure, just completely missing the mark at every turn. And again, I do not deny studio interference, of course. They will always ruin things like this. I would even recommend over watching this movie because, like, sometimes we'll say, like, oh, for the completists or whatever. If you haven't seen this movie yet, but you have a Robocop tattoo, then probably, if you don't have a Robocop tattoo and you have, haven't seen this movie, stay as is, but I would recommend the 2001 Canadian series of TV Robocop. Oh, okay.

The Robocop Prime Directives, dark justice, meltdown, resurrection, and crash and burn. Okay. They're all 90 minutes, they're made for TV, and they're fucking better than this. Are you seen those movies? Oh, yeah. So do you have a Robocop tattoo? I do not. And I've only seen two of the four. Okay. They're bad. They're not good. the guy who plays Robocop was the dude from the hitchhiker TV show back in the day. Nobody, nobody gives a shit.

But yeah, I would say watch those before you fucking venture into this because it's just a mistake. But that is going to do it for this episode. That is going to do it for remake roll all around if you can even play. But if you want more We Hate Movies, including episodes like this one, completely commercial free. Head over to that Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies where, yes, commercial free stuff at all times. we had remake roll go into a couple of different side shows that we do on the Patriot. We started off the month with We Love Movies on The Departed.

So we had that going on. We had a remake on Once in a Lifetime. We did with Bad Seed, a remake of a bad movie that was even worse. It's, you know, good for Rob Blow. Master of Horror, Rob Blow, as we know, he did have a hell of a job there. McKenna Grace really knocking him out. Little McKenna Grace, just blowing Roblo off the screen. Unbelievable stuff.

I should say since we recorded that episode, Chelsea and I watched the Bad Seed Returns. Also in full on YouTube. Not as entertaining, but I think we could still cover it down the line on once in a lifetime. She's in high school. She's living with the aunt

who's got this new step-uncle. So, you know, it's reheated pizza, but, you know, there's still some laughs to be had. We had a pretty rockin' Melro 210. We did indeed. We've got the girl from New York was messing around a little bit

and we got that that whole situation Brenda leaves college at a fucking huff so that's great for her Melrose place we're resetting the table but there's interesting stuff

going on that cult's really amping up that cult is amping up absolutely we had a pretty righteous gleep glossary come out last week that's right

it's remake rule so we did the remake of Emperor Palpatine which was Darth Sidious so we got to talk about that old bag that was a fun one we did the Duck Tales remake

on Animation Damnation. I foolishly chose it and it blew up in my face. It's a fun episode. We have a lot of fun talking about the 2017 Duck Tales with all those fun comedians and the new art style which some of us like it, some of us don't. That is right. And yeah, to be clear, I picked one

without Uncle Scrooge in it. It does happen. Whoopsie doodle. But also this week, by the way, if you were listening to this on the day it comes out, which is the 28th of April, tomorrow for our top tier Patreon supporters on the Craven level. We are dropping

scertie cast number three about the Pope's Exorcist, our video show that covers modern horror movies that you can also get in podcast form at the same time. It's a real hootin and holler in time. Really great. Chris Cabin was possessed by demons, unfortunately. It was not on that episode. I was sad to not see my beautiful Russell.

Oh, yeah, but we did our best there. And then also this Thursday, the Nexus is coming out back in action with the regular lineup. We got a toast is there as we get into the the abridged second season of that show and then also

TNG, the Ensign Roe episode Michelle Forbes debut very very exciting so you want to check that out but Steve Sadek as always here the show just rolls on man no breaks here next Tuesday it's a new month what are we talking about well we're going to be talking about the devil

who might be wearing Prada this month oh the devil wears Prada the big Anne Hathaway Merrill Streep Joint. Yes, sir. The star of all those memes that you like so much. Yes. So many memes.

Yeah, this is some fucking great A-touch in this movie. I'm kind of a fan of it. The mentalist is coming out. Oh, right. In the house. I would think get ready for some Adrian Ganeer slander. Oh, boy. Wow.

Or support, perhaps. Oh, wow. We'll see what happens next week. That's right. So until then, I've been Andrew Juppin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siskin. Chris Cabin.

Take it easy.