We Hate Movies - S16 Ep865: Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

“Kylo Ren meeting Palpatine should be a big deal!” - ChrisOn this week’s episode, we’re heading back to a galaxy far, far away once again to chat about the Star Wars film that flew the franchise into the mountain, The Rise of Skywalker!Is this movie the best argument ever for why studios should never listen to the Internet? Has Richard E. Grant’s grand talent ever been more wasted than this role as General Pryde? Shouldn’t they have tried another way to handle the Leia issue? What a slap in the face with that Chewbacca medal crap at the end, right? And anybody else up for getting some shark teeth put in? PLUS: Palpatine puts the first five rows of his arena into the Zap Zone!Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker stars Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Adam Driver, Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Anthony Daniels, Naomi Ace, Domhnall Gleeson, Richard E. Grant, Lupita Nyong’o, Keri Russell, Kelly Marie Tran, Joonas Suotamo, Greg Grunberg, Ian McDiarmid, Billie Lourd, Dominic Monaghan, Billy Dee Williams, and Shirley Henderson as the voice of Babu Frik; directed by J.J. Abrams.Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey, everybody, before we get to today's episode on Star Wars, the Rise of Skywalker, just wanted to give you that quick show update that, yes, this summer, this August, we are doing something super cool and we want you all to be a part of it in Las Vegas. This August, we are going to be appearing at STLV, that is the world's largest Star Trek convention. They are celebrating 60 years of Star Trek, and we just happen to be celebrating 10 years of having our Star Trek recap show, The Nexus Be on the Air. So what are we going to do? Are we going to go out to Vegas and just talk about some TV episodes?

Absolutely not. We're going out to Vegas to STLV to talk about three of our favorite Star Trek movies of all time. We're going to be performing at the De Forest Kelly Theater in the Rio. That's where this whole convention is happening. Thursday, August 6th, we're talking about Rathakan. Friday, August 7th, we're talking about Generations. Saturday, August 8th, we're talking about First Contact. Three of our personal fave Star Trek movies.

So much to talk about throughout these three movies. We're going to have so much fun. And the best part is two things. One, you don't need to be a Star Trek fan to come see us riff on these movies. They're movies. They have actors in them, you know. So all of that is there.

You're not going to be lost or anything like that. And they're fun Star Trek movies, first of all. And also, yes, this is a big Star Trek convention, but you don't necessarily have to be attending the convention to see the shows. That's right. If you are at the convention, you're walking around and everything like that, yes, you can grab a ticket and see the shows, of course.

But if you're just wanting to come in, maybe do some gambling in Vegas, do a little drink in, see a show, or two, like our shows maybe. You do not need a convention pass. That's right. Separate tickets. Separately ticketed event, y'all.

So you can just drive into Vegas, see us, and get the heck out of there. Those dates again are Thursday, August 6th, Friday, August 7th, and Saturday, August 8th at the Rio in Las Vegas at STLV. We're super excited about this. Head over to wh HM Podcast.com. Click on that tour page that has all the ticketing information right there for you. And one quick reminder, of course, hey, check out our quarterly contemporary horror recap show, which is called Scaredy Cats. The next one is dropping in July. So you want to get caught up

on that now. There's three volumes out now. Like I said, we got one on Barbarian. We got one on 28 years later, and we got one on the Pope's Exorcist. Next one is coming out this July. I believe we're talking Evil Dead Rise, according to the audience poll, which is going to be a lot of fun to talk about on the air. And yes, it is a mixed video and audio show. You can watch the show. You know, oftentimes we've got screen caps up, Erick's in costume sometimes. But then if you just want to enjoy the show on the go, you can download an audio podcast version as well. So all that is over on patreon.com slash we hate movies. And yes, the Star Trek convention happening in Las Vegas,

STLV celebrating 60 years of Star Trek. WHM is celebrating 10 years of the Nexus. We're talking about three great Star Trek movies. It's going to be a whole lot of fun. And you do not need to be attending the convention to come check out our shows. All right, that's it for me. Let's get into it. The other big sci-fi franchise we talk about a lot.

Star Wars. Here we are. It's The Rise of Star Wars. Skywalker. Enjoy. The line must be drawn here. This week on the program, more like the fall of Skywalker. You got it. I'm Andrew Skywalker.

I'm Ian McDarmid's check. I'm Eric Siska. The dead speak! And they say Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine program, as always. That's right.

Oh my goodness. The 10-year rule is dead. because we're talking about Star Wars, colon, episode 9, hyphen, the rise of Skywalker from 2019, directed by the internet with the help of JJ Abrams. I will say, yeah, it's wild. It's like, oh, we're doing the Star Wars movie. We'll do the Rise of Skywalker. I was like, what's that, 2022?

No. It's only three years off of the 10-year rule. Yeah, no, it's not bad. Don't try to bargain with them. We're doing it. Just come back, we're doing it. We can do whatever the hell. There's a Star Wars movie out, so we're doing a Star Wars movie out,

so we're doing a Star Wars movie. You know how these scenes go. It came out last weekend. We're doing the, this is the last one. This is what kind of sank the cinematic universe for a very long time. We'll see what Mandalorian and Groome were up to. Yeah, we'll see. This was, you know, Disney bought it and then they didn't know what to do with it, it seems.

What's amazing to me is that, like, there was so much vitriol about how the Les Jedi is the worst one of these. It's ridiculous, obscene. opinion in my opinion. Even if you don't like it, this movie also exists. That's the thing is this one, it was like nobody really argued the fact that this was the death now. Like when ever, even people who try

to defend this fucking thing, they're like no, it needed to stop. This had this had to stop after this. No pun intended, but this was like, the emperor has no clothes. They don't know what the fuck can do with any of it. Well, because we did The Force Awakens out now on our Patreon. That's right. That's the beginning of this trilogy.

We will at some point, it's actually kind of, I think it's good thing that we're not doing Last Jedi. I watched it again. I went against my whole bullshit if I'm only going to watch the Abrams one and I did all three and I'm thankful I did. Me too, yeah. That movie actually, whenever we do that, probably one another Star Wars

thing comes out, is fine by itself because it's kind of its own situation. You know what I mean? Because it exists and then was abandoned by this movie. I hadn't seen it in so long. I haven't seen all these in so long, but the Last Jedi I hadn't seen it so long. And I remember really liking it and then over

the years you just hear that internet echo and then I'm going back to it and almost dreading it like I'm going to find some type of ward or whatever. Nope, I kind of fucking loved it again. I had such a good time with that movie especially compared to this one. I love The Last Jedi. It's full on my fourth

favorite Star Wars movie after the original three. Not even close. I think I agree with you. It might be Jedi for me. It's that good. It might even encroach on the original trilogy. It beats itself. Oh, the return of the Return of. And then this, the internet got really mad about it, you guys.

That movie came out, the internet got really mad. And Disney was listening to your call. Which, it was like a college show. Yeah, exactly. Fans have always complained forever. I mean, Lucasfilm wasn't going through all Star Magazine or Starlog or whatever the fuck was out. No. And maybe they were.

I don't know. Maybe someone will correct me and say George Lucas got mad and then corrected everything or whatever. But dear God, stop listening to people. Just stop, let creatives be creative and do not listen to Kyle from his computer in Ohio. But I guess the weird thing, which is also evident in Last Jedi, which again, I love, nobody ever sat down and said, what's this trilogy going to be? There seems to be no evidence of that meeting. Whatever that meeting was, which kind of you need disorder to do if you're doing, if you're laying up things like, who are raised parents? What is this thing going to be?

Because you're totally right and it's because it is a trilogy in a marketing packaging sense only. Yes. It's not a trilogy of storytelling, really. No. Because in a trilogy of storytelling, you can't get salty

at what the second installment did and just pretend like it didn't happen. It's here. It's here to stay. And also the whole like, oh, well, we got to correct it. It's like, you approved it, motherfucker? Like the idea that Ryan Johnson,

like it's like fucking the Shawshank Redem and everyone's banging on the door and Andy's playing the fucking opera music. Like, no. He, he approved Abrams and Kennedy looked at the script, they approved it. And they made plans based upon it. And then the internet didn't like it. And then they were like, oh, I hated

it. I can't believe. I'm not. Disney, confidence is sexy. You know what I mean? Yeah. You just had your big dick wagon. You know, like, just carry on. Motherfucker. Don't listen to people. Yeah. You consider them ants in every other aspect of how they exist.

compared to you millionaire fucking people. Like, why should this be any different? Why do all of a sudden you care about it? Because also, like, you know that they would have come out and seen whatever. Absolutely. Whatever fucking slop you through at them. Well, they did. They saw this slop, which is actually, it is amazing how sloppy this movie is.

It's Slop City. Crazy. Garbage. Two or three, like, fun action sequences, but like story wise. But dude, it's scroll time. Scroll time. The Dead Speak, the galaxy, you know, you heard about that, has heard of mysterious broadcast, a threat of revenge in the sinister voice of the late Emperor Palpatine.

Pause. How is that not in the movie? How am I not hearing that? How is that not the first? Would it be scary, nice and cool, like crackling on the radio? I can tell you, you could see it before if you wanted to. There was a little, well, it's still around, a game called Fortnite. It's insane.

You could go on Fortnite and hear the message. Fortnite had a deal with Star Wars, and you could go on Fortnite, play the game, and you could hear the transmission on Fortnite, not in the movie. Not in the movie. Not in the movie. Well, to be fair, Chris, I think. It's the inciting incident. It's white as on fucking Fortnite.

To be fair, Stephen, I believe they had some cool Star Wars skins your character. You could. Oh, that sounds too. Pretty sharp. You could be a Palpatine, I think. No one at home can see the fucking scowl on this old dog's, face, but good God, that's dumb. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. That sucks.

General Laird. Imagine that, like, you have a fucking Taco Bell, like, the taco, you get, like, part of the Congo story is in the Taco Bell commercial. Imagine that. Imagine fucking thinking like that. You fucking morons. You're totally right. Oh, yeah.

All of Joe Down Baker's dialogue at the start of the movie's actually in the Taco Bell Cup. So you got to read each line of dialogue off a fucking volcano hot sauce packets. Oh, Amy's a good girl. Oh, Amy's a good girl. Oh, that's fantastic. Oh, volcano sauce.

I love it. General Leah Oregona dispatched his secret agents together intelligence, while Ray, the last hope of the Jedi, trains, trains, trains. We're saying it. We're doing it. She's doing it.

Trains for battle against the diabolical First Order. Who are kind of cool looking. Oh, that's all you know. Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren rages in search. of the Phantom Emperor determined to destroy any threat to his power. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

By the way, I do like that in the sequel trilogy, I mean, it's kind of all for naught. This movie obviously undoes everything. That we don't have Darth's farting around. Yeah. That we are moving beyond the Sith in a way. We tried. We sure did try.

Can't sneak it by them. Can't do it. Is that it? Is that the scroll? That's a scroll. It's a short piece of shift. And now can I add, does anybody remember, were we doing the caps locks for the important characters on other scrolls? I think we were. I think we have been.

Okay, good. I was wondering about that. But we've never had an opening line, the dead speak, which is quite so stupid. Which is so dumb. So then we get this fight. You get Kylo Ren hitting these dudes up in this forest, which you do not know is Mustafa. No. Yes.

You know what? You know how I know it's Mustafa? This sucks. Because I was like, you know what? But I'm going to check it out because, you know, there's all these like cross-promotional whatever's. Yeah. I was like, I'll check out the comic adaptation of this.

Yeah. And so I start reading it and I didn't get past the first issue. But in that first issue, right there. Boom. Little Square tells you right away. Mustafar, motherfucker. Fucking right there. Even like if it sees it like, all right.

Other night of Wren who might have dialogue. Jeff. Hey, Jeff. This is Mustafar. You got to watch your ass on Moussafar. Like, that's fine. You got a short scroll. You could be, you could be your supreme leader Kylo Ren,

rages in search for the Phantom Emperor by going to Mustafa. His search has brought him to... Search for ancient artifact or whatever. Exactly. From his grandfather's old house. Yeah, well, that's the thing is like, why not set this in Darth Vader's castle? Yes. Why not show it in the distance, at least?

Why not underline where we are? If you did any of that, you wouldn't even have to say, Mustafa. Everybody would see the cool castle. Here's a better idea. It's, well, you know, ever since Pee Paul died, we need... We had to close on the... the old house. So we're coming in and just

just goes in, you know, checking it for warts and stuff. Sith Yard sale out for them. Oh, totally. Did you? Oh,

all the pipas records are out on the front lawn. I'm not going to use them. Maybe someone can give them a good home. Nobody's interested in a lava waterfall. Nobody likes stuff like that except for us, Sith. I know it's an eccentric flourish,

but it's pretty cool and important to my family. Fellas, don't walk away. These Jizz records are mint condition. If you have somebody enfeebled in your home, I have my Pee Pee Paws breathing apparatus, his breathing room,

comes with a nice breathing room. Really clear out the lungs. Do you have slaves? No, you don't have slaves. Oh, don't forget if I said that. Never mind. Don't go in the basement. But here's a Sith Wayfinder,

one of three to four maps and charts and goggles. Special GPS. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's a really cool MacGuffin that leads you to the other McGuffin that leads you to the ending of the movie. It should be episode nine McGuffin Chase or something like.

that. Because usually the Star Wars I mean there's Macuffins but it's always like the droid R2D2 was the McGuffin in the first movie and he was a fun little character who's got the droid, we got the droid or whatever and then like the rest of it's a fun Star Wars chase here it's just like we got to get this thing to get to that thing to get this thing

there's fucking butt plug being I'm like come on man it's just like they used to complicate it like there's a lot of like I think they like trying to find these one pieces like that and that's part of the first one but like while they're going to get the first thing they need.

Yeah. Like something happens. Yes. And it's a complication. And like it comes about naturally. And it's just not like this. It's so clear that that's all they thought about was like how to get A to B. Yeah.

A to B. That's all they were thinking is new A's, new B's. Because it's also not really a successful McGuffin. If you get it in the first five minutes of the movie and then just put it in your pocket until it gets on your dashboard. And here's some more Mcuffins. We got fucking, you don't want to know how many Mcuffins we got. Rock and thing about the.

is Mustafa raid though. Kylo Ren definitely doing a rock bottom on one of these guys. It's pretty pretty sweet. And who are they? And why are they fighting him? That's something. I mean,

why do you care? Let me ask you something. Why do you give a fuck about that? Because I have to do a podcast on it. If it's Pee Pee Paws' house and Pee Pee Paws, you know, property that we're on. Like is it, is it his servants?

Exactly. You know, like, what is happening? Even if you have General Huck's like, oh, Kylo, Red, what are you doing now? I hope to go to. Egyzegel, Mustafa to find the thing to Exigal, and then, but they will probably

my grandfather's loyalists who hate me and I'll have to fight them. That's fine. Yep, exactly. I don't think it is. But like, I, like, to me, like the whole thing is like, oh, why do you give a fuck about all this? You know what we're watching. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, it's a cool look at action sequence, so there's no dialogue in it.

And then like, and then we immediately cut, because there's so many planets in this movie. Way more planets than other Star Wars movies, I think. Oops, all planets. It doesn't. It doesn't. cut right away to him flying into this cool gas cluster and when he comes out the other side of it because he does have

the Wayfinder plugged into his GPS right here this is Exegal. He comes out the other side of his gas cluster and like there's stuff about this that I think is awesome. The way this base is just there and all the dead sand around Exigal like it looks kind of cool but he goes in and you've got

all these like big stature I'm a sucker for a massive stone statue. It looks like a Lord of the Rings kind of thing. Yes. very much so. If you took any time in this situation to make me feel a mood of like, this is scary but the whole point is for you

he wants to get the stupid GPS to the point. It's all the A to B. I'm not actually supposed to care about exegis. You're not. You're right, you're not. And so much so that like you never flesh out what this cult is. And apparently this cult is able to build a fuck. Let me ask you about this. I'm doing a

podcast on it. Once again, we're doing a podcast. Exactly. I have to go to them. I don't think that's the answer. I think the answer is like, I care about movies, and I would like the movie to be fucking good.

I don't care if it's supposed to be for kids. No, it's not. You know it's not that. Shut the fuck. Anybody who tells me you that Star Wars, it's supposed to be a catch movie. If it was only kids, it would not be making this fucking money.

It would not be fucking this huge cultural thing. You know it's not. So shut the fuck up. I wouldn't have grown up with slave land in my mind. Exactly. Oh, definitely. If you're jerking off to it, it's not for.

kids, I'll tell you're right. Steve Saneckings to all of the cartoons he's jerked off to him. The Little Mermaid technically was a fairy tale before. I would love to know about these cultists. I would love to know how they're able to build Star Destroyers. Because here's the thing. Regardless of Snow

or the emperor like coming back and whatever else. The followers, the place, the fucking armada, it's all cool. But it's all kind of just there. What are we doing with these almost snokes that we got? Like, they're walking.

The Taylorhead's walking by. Top of Snokes you got there. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I meant to clean those. I'm so sorry. This is a huge mess I wasn't expecting you today. This doesn't Palpatine say he made Snokes or Snoke is some other kind of genetic project. Oh, good.

And what's funny is, you know, the Last Jedi, you know, in a way, you know, people always complain like, oh, the prequels at least did something new. This movie's not doing something new. This movie's going back to the well. of the old EU by resurrecting the Dark Empire comic storyline where Palpatine is resurrected via cloning. And also this lost

fleet is taken directly from the Thrawn trilogy when they're looking for the Catana Dreadnought fleet. You think they sent Timothy's on a pack of gum for this movie? Like, did he get a ticket to the fucking premiere? Probably not. Probably not. They let him write new books

though fitting into the new continuity. So I guess that's something. I mean, that guy kept Star Wars alive. when no one cares. Oh, for sure. But it's just, you know, it's, oh, you know, Palpatine reveals himself. It's very dark and, like, spooky. It's trying to be scary, but it also kind of just looks like, he looks like shit this entire movie. He looks like, yeah, like you can see the, the bare minimum effort put into everything. Like, yes, like, if you just were to see a still of this, you'd be like, oh, that's kind of spooky. When you're actually there, it's not spooky at all. When you're watching his fucking mouth opening close as he speaks, you're like, I don't know about it. any of this. Like he's just an old dude now, you know. Like did the clone fuck up? What the hell? That's exactly right. Like if it is a clone,

you know, did someone forget an ingredient or something at this point? What you need is some kind of Palpatine's assistant. And that would solve so many of our problems. If it's just, he has someone to talk to. He's got a guy. He's got a guy. He's like, oh, once Kylo Red does this and that, I'll be able to do this. Tell

the other cultists to do this. Like, and that's just something. And then like, how you're doing, Mark? Palpatine's assistant. This is for college credit, right? Yes, so, Marty, you will get college credit for it. Carlo Red, I don't have that on the schedule today. There is a fucking football stadium filled with people all around him.

It seems this whole... Not one of those guys could have got a promotion. Exactly. To come be the number two to Palpatine. The dude doesn't even have fucking legs. All right, listen, you're going to see Mr. Palpatine in just a second. Mr. Phil. He's very old.

Don't get his blood. He's going to talk. He might... Don't get him yelling. Do not get him yelling, okay? We can't take another fucking lightning storm in here. We can't fucking do it. To your point, Andrew, like, the pageantry and the regalness of Star Wars is not here.

Like, when you see, like, you know, the emperor's introduction and return to the Jedi, all the soul, you know, all the stormtroopers are lined up. There's a whole thing. This is like, I'm squinting. I'm like, I guess that blob is a group of people up there in the nosebleeds. You can't have him simultaneously hiding a hole, like. Saddam Hussein and have 500,000 people all in matching cloaks that he's wearing What are they doing? Is it? Great question.

Is this great entertainment for them to watch an old man sit down? I think it's just their fucking NPCs in a street fighter tournament. There's in the background. They just raise their fists up and down for eternity. And they're hoping to get hit by his force lightning. Okay. That'd be cool. That's, I guess what you're supposed to. I'll just give you a little juice here.

Oh, section 407. You're in the zap zone. Oh, the zap zone. Because the problem is, it's like, what we were talking about, about how we should start with the fucking message going out through, like, you just go to the Ewok planet and you just hear like, they're doing their Ewok shit. And then all of a sudden you hear it. And you're like, oh, that's fucking ominous. Right. This, it's a scene that should be built up to.

Kylo Ren meeting Palpatine should be a big fucking deal. And here, it's fucking nothing. It should be a big thing. And it's just a wet fart review. Because we are, because we have so much shit to get. Hey, we got so much movie to get to... Speaking of which. We as a movie.

Yes, yes. And we have so much story to deal with. We just need to... And we got so much stuff to disavow. So we really got to get moving here. Honestly, I would almost like... This movie's actually shorter than I remember. It's like 223.

The credits hit at 2.14. It feels like three hours when you watch it. But maybe it should have been fucking three hours. If you're trying to jam all this shit in there... I don't know why all of a sudden we were shy about long. Run time. Fucking Marvel, same company, right? They put out, what was the end game? It was probably...

Seven hours long. Seven hours. A whole night's sleep. But, you know, Palpatine's like, listen, I've been behind it all along. I was no kind of sort of maybe. And now... Whatever the fuck ever, movie. If you destroy Ray, I will give you...

And the way that these Star Destroyers just sort of pop up is a bit stupid also. Out of the ground, like, orcs. Yes, exactly. Like, it would be cool if he's like... I'm kind of cool. It's stupid, but I was like, it's something. So all those guys were just pouring sand on Star Destroyers for the last 40 years.

I'm for like millions of dudes with shovels. A better movie. Come, come, my new apprentice. Look at my garage. Hey, check out Jay's garage. And like, oh, well, there's a lot of cool Star Destroyers. I'd like some. Well, you must destroy Ray, the last of the Jedi.

And then you'll be, you'll become the new emperor and all this great stuff. Star Destroyer is a classic. He doesn't even drive it. He just wipes it with a diaper. You will not be the first order. That's some baby shit. You don't care about that. This is final order.

This is the real deal. The real deal. Real deal. By the way, just move on. Once Snoke died, that band stopped calling themselves before the first order. They started calling themselves the final order. Sorry.

Real quick on the cultists, we have a first order officer referring to them as conjurers and soothsayer. Yes. Kind of an interesting set. up that we'd never see. No, we're going to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because yeah, there's this meeting where he's like, we're going to do what the emperor said, but I'm really in charge. And we've got like, we meet Richard E. The great Richard E. Grant, who's a new character. Doing nothing. Woo! Question about Palpatine coming back, though, because he says to Kylo here in this scene, like, oh, yeah, I got into some hairy shit with the dark side, man.

We do some fucking questionable things. It sounds to me like they use the force to bring him back. Right. And not cloning. There's that line about, you know, methods that some consider to be unnatural, which is a reference to the prequels with the Darth Plagueis who was able to cheat death,

you know. Yeah, that's the stuff I thought. Well, Dominic Monaghan's like, oh, cloning, blah, blah, blah, that's like Sith stuff or whatever. So it's never, we never know one or another. I mean, is cloning Sith stuff? It was fucking Jedi stuff in the prequels.

He says dark magic cloning. Yeah, dark magic comma cloning. Yeah. So we cut to the Falcon. Oh, right. We are introduced to Chewie. Chubaka looks way too clean in this movie. This, you know, not to say that like the Peter Mayhew day is, it was like disgusting,

but like, there's more grit to Chewbacca. This is a fully conditioned Chewbacca. Yeah, I don't like that. He's doing a different routine, you know what I mean? He's getting up there. The old suit is probably just like, too. I mean, you can clean it and you can treat it really well, but eventually that shit just starts falling apart.

You got a leather rinse repeat on this guy. I mean, you need to get a new one. The Khan maybe likes the musk of Chewbacca and then all. these new people, Po, Finn, and Ray are like, could you fucking bathe once a week? That's the thing, is he's hanging out with the kids now, and he's got to keep up, you know what I mean? Like, he wants to be a sexy young guy. You know, Chewbacca,

in this generation, we bathe every once in a while. So, yeah, it's Chewy, Po and Finn. They're playing that weird hologram chess game or whatever. Remember that? Yeah. At least is a thing where it's like, you're using the same ship. Yeah, yeah. It's not an updated video game system. He's still got all the old shit.

And we got, you know, Poe and Finn playing him that Ratatat back and forth. Well, of course, you're better at this. You're 250 years old. I kind of don't like that they make Poe and Finn like the same character. They strip them down. They're a little comedy team. They're a comedy team. Yeah, exactly. They're a comedy team. Because they're like, he's cheating. Definitely.

Like, there's that kind of ratatatat like you said. Some, the stuff that I do sort of like in this movie, somewhere, one of the many notes they got was like, oh shit, we never made these people friends. You know mean like yeah him wrote ray pin Ray Finn and Poe yeah

were never actually friends they never have a big adventure together like Ray and Finn have a what I would call a very romantic entanglement in the first movie I almost forget about that but the internet said no and then Poe just was supposed to die and then they brought him back and then in the second movie there's like Po and lea are having a bunch of arguments and Finn goes off at his own adventure with rose because they're like maybe if maybe

maybe she's something you might be interested in. And then it was like, no, that's not happening. The internet also didn't like Rose. So she's not, she's barely not even in this movie. Oh, but you know what? That's her choice though. She, you know, and she's like, oh, I have paperwork to do. They're like, would you like to come on this adventure with us? No. Leah asked me to check out

the specs of old star destroyers. Okay, Rose, whatever you say, movie, that's what it's. Reddit would like me over here, actually. Exactly. The Tennessee State government would like me over here. Can a noble resistance rise up against Reddit and take that site down

once and for all? God, but I do think some of the camaraderie that they're shoving down your throat because they're really, again, like it's one of those things they're trying to fast track is a decent impulse if it's a bit clumsy. Yeah, no, I totally agree. Well, because they're pulling

back on the Finn romance stuff while I think they are pushing the Poe romance thing a little bit more on this one. I don't know if it's, doesn't fully come to anything, but like I was like, oh, they're kind of trying to offload it off of Finn. Like Finn is no longer... With who, Ray?

Right, with Ray. I felt a lot more flirting with them in this one. That's Kylo's girl. So, yeah, Artu gets some message transferred to him about they've got a spy in the first order who's like, hey, you know, some shit's about to go down and then what do you know what the first order shows up and attacks them?

This is where we get a concept that you feel like you show me it right here in the first 20 minutes. it's having something to do with the end of the movie, but when Po's trying to get them away in the Falcon, and he's doing like the multiple hyper jumps, you know, repeatedly. I was like, that's kind of a cool thing. And they're like, wow, you're not supposed to be able to do that. I'm like, all right, neat.

You're going to use that at the end of the movie for something, right? Oh, no, it's just for this part where it's totally inconsequential. Oh, got it. We do, there's a quick spy guy's like, just win the war for us. And that guy who gets beheaded. Yeah, that's right. It's so good. I love seeing that guy's head drop on a table.

That is funny there because it's like, and what can we do to repay you? Just win. Okay. And then we cut to Ray, levitating rocks, which in the last movie they were saying, it's the force is not just about levitating rocks.

No, no, actually the Reddit said it's about levitating rocks. And then we get her training sequence because we need that. Otherwise, I can't have any fucking idea in my head out of someone can do something. And here's the thing. I think it's a very unfortunate situation.

Carrie Fisher passed in between the last movie and filming this one. She didn't shoot a single thing for this movie. And it's quite clear. They sopranos her. They're using old footage. And it's so obvious. It's so uncomfortable. There's an easy fix for this in Star Wars.

Make her a blue hologram radioing in from somewhere. Or is she just, oh my God, the beginning of the movie, the Dead Speak. What, Leah's ship exploded? It's very sad. And you can do a big funeral scene. Like, you could pull on those heartstrings. Right. You could write around this problem instead of putting in a janky computer goes.

Even that bad, not great Black Panther sequel was smart enough to realize, like, you got to kill him immediately. Yep. It's really disrespectful to have to mix this around and have him be a character in the movie. And the movie's going to be about that. And that is what you do. This was all bullshit timeline. Like the stuff at Disney, like, the movie's coming out this day. Yes. I don't care what fucking happened. Exactly. Because it was. She died.

Carrie Fisher died before they even fucking edited the Last Jedi. They hadn't even gotten in there yet. You had time to rejigger this whole fucking story to not because clearly it was supposed to be Kylo and his mother and having to deal with Kylo and his mother. What that relationship is like, what is it going to end like? But if you're gutting that, you have to replace it with something as big. You can't just be like, well, we're kind of cut around it here and cut around it here. And that's their whole fucking thing.

Because her-cut around it. Her thing was like, hey, J.J. Abrams. That first movie was Harrison. The next one was Skywalkers, you know, and Marks. So like this one's going to be mine, right? And like, yeah, that's a fine thing. Right. It is no grand

tribute to her that you fucking Livia sopranoed her. Thank you. And fucking it's a disgrace. It would have been so much better if it's like, oh, here comes Hux and oh my God, he's got a fucking planet killer canning on his ship. Oh, the fucking planet blew up. Oh my God, Leia and all these other people were on the ship on the planet at the time

and now they're all like you just have like Leia was down there or something like that and then you could have the mornings you could actually have it have weight throughout the story and Kyle Lurann has to deal with it

yada yada but as opposed to just like don't like Ray huh like everything that she says like never trust a droid what deleted scene and it's just like

it's very unfortunate and it's not it doesn't it doesn't look good and like she's never responding to anything anyone's saying it almost it makes her seem like a crazy old lady that everyone's like kind of humor. She's more the old lady that throws cats at people in The Simpsons than she is general.

I think there's a moment where someone's like, let's get you to bed, grandma, and this. It's your deathbed, it turns out. It turns out to be your death bed. That's even the Sopranos thing. That scene is eerie. They get something about death in doing that. They hit on something about death and missing someone. Intentionally or accidentally?

I mean, accidentally. But like they worked on. that scene to not just be like, ah, just a goodbye, like get her out of here or whatever. There's some meaning to that. Whereas this,

it's just like, ah, fuck, we got a dead. Fucking deadlines coming up. Fuck us. To your, to your point, like take a year off,

get it right. Although then if you took a year off of this movie, it would have been released in 2020. Yeah, that's a, well, nobody saw that.

You didn't see that comment. Eric's looking around like that. I think the government. I think the government did it. No, I'm kidding. But so she's training her. because again the internet thought that she didn't

and now we're doing all the stuff where she's she's wearing the blast shield mask because she has to do it she's got to do what exactly what Luke Skywalker did that's how I believe someone could be a Jedi we never well I guess he does kind of do it a little bit on Dengaba but this really intricate obstacle course that they have set up

on this planet is pretty sharp but like all this for one person in the rebellion huh okay I guess so but yeah she runs through all these things. It's kind of neat. And then she's got to, she gets stuck with the floating balls really giving her trouble. And this is where she just fucking jams it with a stick, which is kind of cool. Yeah. And then they cut

to Carrie Fisher and she beautifully, it's like, Harry and Sally will never be together. I don't understand. They're just not a good match. And Ray's like, yes, master, they're not a good match. I just, I don't get it. I did love that part, though, where it's like, some of the action kind of

dies down. You have like a moment where it's like, You think it's kind of common. Your characters are going to go to bed. And then Leia pulls up in that car and gets out with the rocket launcher and fucking blows it into the building. And the guys are sleeping. Oh, that was the Blues Brothers. Oh, right. Farts.

I understood why they were bringing Carrie Fisher from when Harry met Slibe. I don't know why Bruno Kirby was in the skywalker. That seems a little strange. Talk about a force ghost. Bruno Kirby and Star Wars would be amazing. It would have worked, man. So while she's doing the obstacle course and whatever, we see. see, Kylo still has

this Vader helmet. There's like a shot of the Vader helmet, but like... Right, the birth one, yeah. But he, he destroyed it in The Last Jedi. He smashed the fuck out of it, didn't he? No, he smashed the helmet. His helmet. Oh, yes, he smashed his helmet.

Against the wall of the elevator. But you're almost right because Ray hits the display and it falls. Oh, is that what I'm thinking of? So it does crash the ground. I thought it was destroyed or something. I could have... But that's the other thing, too.

In the last Jedi, he destroys the helmet very early on the movie because that's what they were changing the character the character's growing is not you're wearing that ridiculous mask he doesn't want to wear it anymore right but then in this one he's like well actually that mask was pretty cool uh you know it's weird like the first director really like that mask and uh he's back now so what if i fix it oh sorry sorry sorry hold on i'm going to get my monkey welder to put some real cool flame yeah yes you know i think rewatching this i was like why not just make that a babu freak as well you know babu fric what make who of baboo. The welder. The monkey welder.

You know what? You've got to tell these kids, you know, the Babu freaks look cool today, but they also collaborate sometimes maybe. I don't know. It's a fun race. Let's use it. They are delightful. Although it's part of the trend of babyification of Star Wars,

which we've always had with Ewags, Grogoo. I don't mind a little bit of the baby stuff. Like Babu freak, I think is cute. It's okay to be cute. It's all right for that to be cute. It ain't against the law, man. I hate his voice, dude. it's all right i'm sure people hate ewok voices but they're also you know childlike in nature that's true but they at least at least they want to eat people i like babu frick i'm i'm i'm pro bobby again in it is

a sea of shit exactly there's a piece of corn and that's okay there exactly uh so she ray oh also with with the training though real quick she does have we see her having some of these visions she sees herself wearing like a palpantine sith hood at one point uh She sees... Remember when she gets those fucking little teeth? The sharp teeth. Later when she's in the... I don't want shark teeth.

I can't be evil and have shark teeth. What are you doing? You're making me look like one of the critters. I can't look like a critter. Am I a street shark now? Am I with him? A shot of Luke Skywalker in the original trilogy imagining himself having shark teeth.

Don't tell me you would like that, Reddit. No. But right, there's this one part where she's like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Master. I'm so sorry. I guess I'm just a little tired, a little tired of being in all these Star Wars movies. But so the Falcon comes back. So we, you know, we're getting this like, oh, Ray and Poe, not really getting along.

Maybe a little. Oh, nothing? Oh, all right. Well, I guess they kind of flirt and, you know, they're a little budding heads here and whatever. And you see, though, right here, Finn and Ray getting along way better. there's a big hug right there still but my man is friend's own this is very clear right now

and already is in there and this is the famous scene which Oscar Isaac recently has said like basically he got this script like the day before it happened it was a reshoot actually watching this it makes sense because there's this big scene

it's during the day they're in like this desert planet they're hug and they're talking then it's night immediately and they're taught they have the somehow Palpatine's back and then like they're leaving and it's day again it just feels like

one scene got split into three kind of a thing. Oh, yeah, I could see that. But yes, now it's nighttime, and we got Dominic Monaghan's around and like... And what was the thing I read about the trivia for this was Dominic Monaghan made a bet with JJ Abrams about some team

winning the World Cup. And he was like, all right, if I win this bet, JJ, you have to give me a part in Rise of Skywalker and Dominic won, whatever team won the bet. There's your monkey paw curling right there. You'll be in the West one there is. And we're giving a

Academy Awards for casting and this is how it's being done? Well, I also think the other side of that bet, which no one will say, which is JJ. It's like, okay, if you win, you get to be in the rise of Skywalker. If I win, you can never ask me a question like this ever again. Because I'm sick of it. Yeah. The world lost, buddy. I know.

I know. I would like you to leave my house, please. And then this is, yeah, Dominic Monaghan is the one that has the line about like, oh, cloning. Dark science. And all that shit. And again, it is very. I mean, it's been meme to death, but somehow Palpatine returned, take two folks.

Whatever it is, dude, he's exasperated, so are we. There's a sigh. There's a sigh before the sentence. It's somehow palp-and-and-it's not a, it's not a sigh like the character is nervous to give this information to the people in the scene. It's the actor being like, fuck my life choices that led me to saying this line. Didn't he recently say that that was like a reshooter, like they tacked it on at the, yeah. So this is all, this is just a hodgepodge.

We're trying to make this fucking stew work that the fucking sauce broke. Unless Fortnite is going to sue you, just do the call. Have it happen here instead of in the beginning, like. Oh, Fortnite's not going to smoke. Another like echo of like, I have returned. I am back.

How about someone recorded it, my God. Exactly. Someone says, that's bullshit. And then he goes, okay, R2D2, play the fucking file. Thank you. And they just need one drunk naysayshed. You got droids everywhere. Everything's being recorded.

just like here just with our phones just like with everything in your house and you can make that eerie I remember I'm going to bring it with modern sci-fi alien covenant when the John Denver when you get like everybody's like listening to it like what is this I don't get what this is like there's an actual eariness

where all son Damon Pride's like that's that's John Denver there's this like realization there's a mystery to it for a little fucking big just like giving us a few seconds of being like is that the fucking emperor You got to have that beat. Just something.

As opposed to, well, he's back and now we got to beat him because he's now the bad guy. He's the baddie. He's now the bad guy. And this is an exposition diarrhea attack. It's Oscar Isaac. But then you're getting double-teamed because C-3PO comes in and he's like, oh, yes, the secret hidden world of the Sith that you've never heard about until right now. This is the population of eggs agar. This is the weather on it right now.

God, damn it. And in that original draft of Colin Trevoroff, which, I think is better, which you could find online and read, this exigal type of thing was sort of there, but it was like a fucking, like, bug monster thing he's communing with. It was weird. It was like, it gave alien vibes. Like, give me

some weird shit like that. This is what you're doing to me. This is what you're fucking doing to me. I am saying Colin Trevereaux might have done a better job here. I can't believe it. He would have. That's the book of Henry guy if nobody knows. That's who fucking would have done better. Trevor at least or whoever the first idea was

has to be better because this is so reactionary like whatever that was it was made in the instinct of like okay so this is the story we're telling let's just tell the story as opposed to well everybody's mad at us shit what are we going to do that's a much weaker place to start and it's like for this type of movie

like the Star Wars the trilogy is not the spin on not the side ones people are going to buy a ticket anyway yes you have nothing to worry about you have no confidence It's a bulletproof. It's crazy. It's pathetic.

So they have to find the... I vote no confidence in Les Caddy. Yes, a Sith Wayfinder, they have to find. That's spelled out here. Luke tried to find it once. Oh, yeah, because Ray gets in on the diarrhea attack, and she's like, oh, yes, X-Ego. Oh, Luke Skywalker told me about trying to fight.

And I was like, no, nobody fucking told you shit about anything. We cut back to the Knights of Ren walking in the hallway. Oh, boy, I bet they're going to do something cool, one of these days. Oh, one of these things. Stormtrooper. interaction there was kind of neat you know like oh like knights of wren ghouls calling him ghouls

show me that didn't didn't uh didn't uh ben solo escape with a bunch of uh other Jedi students from that who became the Knights of Rent presumably no one's ever told me they're at least force sensitive like you don't mean like the fight at the end is okay but like

I kind of need a little it's not because at least one of those guys we said this one of these guys has to be Jerry from the Knights of it you have to know one of these marfuckers for it to matter because otherwise you're just fighting NPCs and they got to be better they got to be at least as good as the Pretorian guard of Snuck

Yeah exactly those dudes put up more of a fight than the fucking Knights of Rendez who is the difference Between them and the band that opened for Orgy in 1999 Who had the same fucking outfits on Huh? Great question this is the big board meeting yeah and he's like well Yeah this is this where we get the hat

on the table right my grandfather's friend Actually has been talking to me a little bit This is guy that used to work with my grandfather, I think he was his supervisor or something, I don't know, but he's been kind of in my head. Pretty cool stuff here, right? Richard E. Grant is general pride.

And, you know, Richard E. Grant's doing the best he can. Yeah, again, another fucking sparkling diamond in a diary of filled pool. Oh, man, but I like the one officer being like, oh, is the, what does he want in return for the fleet? Get strangled on the ceiling, which is cool

to look at. So I like that. Get strangled on the ceiling. Oh, what a Feel it. Well, actually, no, it's not that bad. Actually, no money down for the fleet. And just, it's, it's, no payments for 18 months, actually. Get this 0% APR.

We actually get cash back when we use the fleet. So when we attack someone, we'll get some money back. I did have to sign up for the Emperor's credit card service. And it went through there. It's a 700 credits a year for membership. It's only an annual fee. It's fine. Be amortized that over a year.

It's not too terrible. But we get access to the Sith clubs across the galaxy, you know, the big hubs. What's in your space, Wallet? I will say the thing about his mask

being reconstructed. And trivia pointed this out. It is a cool nod to Japanese stuff. When you would bring that back and you'd fill it with gold. It's kind of cool. It looks cool.

But again, it is just a walkback of something that's... Because again, like, the second movie he outgrows it. And this one's, maybe he does. Exactly. It's pretty cool. It's still cool. You have Hux here being like,

oh, your new helmet looks good, I guess. I'm relegated to nothing in this movie. My God, if that's what sucks. I mean, like, a spoiler. Hux is the spy that people are talking about. That is such a good idea if you focus on it. Yeah. But since you refuse to focus on it, and it's just like two scenes in this movie. It's a punchline and then he gets killed.

Yeah, I'm like, well, what am I supposed to give a shit about this? And it's a dumb thing where when you learn it and he's talking to whoever, and he's, Ray, whoever it is and he's like, it's not that I want you to win. It's that I want Kylo Ren to fail, which is cool. But again, that needs to be telegraphed outside of one sentence. You need to see that a little more, the plot and scheming and whatever

else. Some tensions between, like a scene with Kyle Ren and Huck's talking about stuff where there's actual tension of like, does he know? Does he not know? Right, exactly. That should be there. It's not fucking there. Yeah. Well, that takes some real writing, you see. And we should say, I mean, I'm sure he's a great guy in person, but the co-writer of this is also Chris Terrio of Argo and other things that have been

kind of just right down the middle. Manisteele, I believe. Or not, I mean, Batman versus Superman. Oh, that's not a white right on the middle. That makes sense. So we got to go to Party Planet, which is Party Planet at the Festival of the Ancestors, dude. Let's get sexy. Yes, the

Akiaki Festival or something. The cute hogs. Known for its colorful kites and delectable sweets. It only happens once every 42 years, which is an odd interval of time. For the first of two very rude interactions, someone goes

up to Ray and she's like, oh, hello, little girl, you're so beautiful, aren't you? Her friend can speak the language and it's like, oh, she likes you, her name is such and such. What's your name? Well, I'm called Ray, aren't I? Ray what? It's like, I don't know, man, fuck off. Yeah, none of your

fucking business, you little gleep, gloop. What do you ask you, like my badge number? You want social security number? Get out of here. It's just, I don't know, it's fucking Star Wars. Is it so crazy that my whole name is right? You're not asking him if he's C3PO Johnson? Yes. Oh, Chewbock, what's your last name, eh?

Did anyone say that to Dengar? No one's asking Dengar's last name. Did you think about Dengar at all? By the way, they butcher Dengar in this. Oh, right. Background shot on Kameji or whatever. Oh, Kajimi. Kajimi, he's now Rothgard Den.

He's now changed his body. to be more robotic. Oh. When he gets ganked. Yeah. Whatever. Or he blows up with the mood. Presumably.

Honestly, who gives it shit? I only know that because of the Star Wars visual dictionary or whatever for the movie kind of points it up. Visual dictionary. What's that? Visual guide or whatever.

These books? Yeah, they're big, big like coffee table books. Coffee table books. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, those books where it's like chronicling the whole production of a movie. Yeah. And it just shows,

like close-ups of certain props and things like that. They're actually kind of cool. I think Pablo Hidalgo writes them. They're pretty good. What's his face does those for Wes Anderson movies? Matt Zollarsight. Yes. Oh yeah. Does those big talk of table books there. So they're at the party and like they do a little

X and then Finn, Po and Ray go back to a tent. Hell yeah. It's kind of the best scene in the movie. Chill out. Yeah. The three-sum scene I thought it was really good. It was really tasteful. Steve, you accidentally switched tabs and you were just watching pornography. Shit. It's always happens

What is Lando doing in my porno? Wouldn't you like to know? Keep them there, please. We, uh, Kylo. I like to watch. Kylo and Ray do their Zoom meeting here.

Palpatine wants you dead. But I'm not serving him though. So, you know, that's cool. And also I, there's more to you than that last convo we had. I guess I must have forgot something. I don't know. I think I had my notes wrong.

I had, I had the wrong. card for you than for somebody else. It was Finn who was nobody. My mistake. Okay. Your motivation is you're haunted by the things you had to do and you can't stop seeing them. It's like, you can't stop seeing

what you did to your father. And he's like, well, oh yeah. Do you still count the days since your parents left you? Boom, shocka-lac. I know more about your parents than I had led on previously, actually. I'm going to take that necklace real quick. Bye. Snatched it. This snatched and stuff. Did this for a weird

Pig girl. The snatching stuff is weird. They bring it back at the end to transport the lightsaber to him, but like... It's in the last shot I did. He gets wet. Hello. Somebody, I know. I know it's not just in this movie. Sure. But it's just weird overall.

Yeah, it's where you're just grabbing things with the other pushing forward like this. Like, I don't need this to come back. Like, okay, he got wet once. Okay. Like, you don't have to fucking huge parts of this fucking story hinge on him being able to do that. Like, I like I just jump it to your brain whenever I like. That's a new thing.

I'm studying a Freddie Krueger now. I mean, I expect someone to come out with a smoldering hat at one day. It's not a good idea. I don't know if it's like, if it was ever mentioned in any of the literature or any comics or whatever, but like as an add-on force power

in your eighth movie. It's a way to put the gas on this terrible screenplay because they're like, well, shit, okay, so they go to the festival. What happens? Well, how does the first order find them at that festival? A spy. No, we do so many spies. He grabs the necklace

They carbon dated to their planet Or whatever Sorry some very fast fucking Technical work here Apologies Supreme Leader This type of necklace Could be found at every boardwalk

In the galaxy Unfortunately Yep she's in Myrtle Beach Prepare my ship to Myrtle Beach No now we're getting a different reading Wildward New Jersey Oh fuck Gets back on the ship with a hurricane

Sipping on it Santa Monica Pire what the fuck I'm kind of loaded now she's wearing an off-brand lunytoons shirt and it says something oh, Aki-Aki Festival on it

got it. It says Aki-Aki Festival and it's Porky Pig and Daffy Duck dressed up as John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson and Pulpiction Pretty cool shirt Aki-Ocki Festival.

And you know what it's also kind of pointless right? Because then there is a first order presence at this festival. Yes. is a stormtrooper in the crowd who could have just radioed it in. They could have been spotted.

Instead of, well, like that spotted, but maybe like something happens and they cause a kerfuffle. And that gets their attention regardless of who they are. You know, but yeah, it's like they just radio like, hey, we just carbon dated this shit. And yeah, they're there somewhere. And so you have these stormtroopers like find them immediately. But I do like the stormtrooper getting shot in the eye with an arrow. That's fucking sweet. Thank you, Lando.

Uh, wookie stand out in the crowd. Here we go. Billy D. Williams. I made a stone. And I mean, like, this is something where, like, again, like, I am, it's a tragedy that Carrie Fisher died. What you could do is pass some of that on, like. I'm right here, baby. Yeah, exactly.

Give him that gravitas, like, okay, when I heard about Leah, I had to come out of hiding. It's such a tragedy. She was. Absolutely. She truly was among the stars. And, like, just a- Still a general because I was in the rebel National Guard, the reserves. And then maybe it's a. thing where it's like a power grab because we were talking about that last time

with with with with po like maybe it's poe v lando and he's like no the the resistance should go this way and poe's like no old man they have to go this way and i know what leo wanted it would be awesome because then you could have lando calrizi and say something cool like sit down young buck yeah exactly you'd be like fuck yeah poe sit your ass down none of that happens uh but so it's just like i know what bullshit was going on i guess has he been on this planet forever or for years This is another, oh, well, oh, Sith Wayfinder, eh? Me and Luke Skywalker came to this very planet looking for that 40 years ago. Even Lando knows about Exigal.

Everyone knows about Exigal. We've been talking about it for years. We've been fixing on going to Exigal, Gufna. Oh, of course you are. There's also this really shitty. Also, why is he there? I don't know. Partying, I guess.

Because they... Every 42 years, I show up to get my dick wins. You're lucky my shirt's still on. I'm still looking for that GPS. I was going to put Snoop Dog as my voice when I do it. He's literally there because he says him and Luke Skywalker went there looking for this thing. Luke went off somewhere else and he literally just stayed behind. He's been there just living there.

For possibly decades because are you like the weather? I don't know. It's got to be like, and I met a sexy lady. And this big moose-faced alien comes out. Oh, yeah, go. Come here, Francis. Hello, baby. You know, something like that.

On Pagar or whatever the name of this planet is, you could buy a fucking house for a blaster. You could just pay them a plaster and you have a house. They know what? That's not bad for Lando. Oh, that's how we get gun control in this country. Turning your gun, get a house. Honestly, I take it. That's not a bad idea.

Probably worked to some. We've got that amount of room now. We've thrown enough people out of their houses. It's very rude moment because he's like, yeah, me and Luke searched that, this guy, Okee, Oki, or whatever his name is. Oakey, yeah. We searched Okie. ship, but we didn't find anything. And she's like, yeah, we're going to have to search that ship.

I just fucking told you. Do you think that me and Master Skywalker are bad at our job? Are you saying we were inefficiently searching Oki's ship? Time changes all things. Master Lando, just could you get me out of here? Boy, they're just going to be a fresh set of papers on Oki's ship. But he does, of course, I got a bad feeling about this. Somebody's got to fucking say it. Someone's got to say it. And then instead of, because you totally rather, I heard about Leah it was crazy. Instead of having him do that, give Leah my love.

Give that fake computer Leah my love the next time you see her. I hope she doesn't quote you back something from postcards from the edge. That would be less than dignified, actually. Nobody remembers that one. This Ochi of Bastoon is

regarded as a like a Jedi hunter back in the day. Cool character design. Yeah, and he ganks, Ray's parents with a knife, he just stabs him to death, which is cool. That's the thing is like, if we made this colossal mistake, let's start filling in the blanks, let's start exploring these characters. Why is he not a character in any of these fucking Clone Wars things now?

That you're making now. Why not? He's a cool character. There is, I mean, it's an internet rumor, so throw it in the garbage. Flush it. There's a, I'm seeing increasingly internet rumors that Disney might flush this entire timeline down the toilet and do some kind of. How does that work?

I don't know, some kind of like. Do the Harry Potter thing where you just redo Luke Skywalker? And or like some sort of multiverse scenario. No, no, no, no. That's what's just going on. Like, oh, Disney's considering because that's why you haven't seen any of this stuff. This is why you got to get off Twitter because some Russian peasant is lying to you on the internet. It's very true.

Apparently there is a Ray movie that is one of the many Star Wars movies that might be being made. Kind of could be made at some point. I'd be into it. You're doing the whole new Jedi order. type of thing? Why not at this point? There's no reason to scrap it. Like, just move the fuck on. That's all you could do. That's literally all you could do.

Because I think there's good characters here. Like, I would love to see a Finn movie, like, expand it. Because the multiverse thing is... Oscar Isaac can't coming back. But you know what I mean? Like, there could be. I don't think Boyega's coming back either. That guy had no love for this shit either. I think Oscar Isaac, I think,

recently said something maybe to the positive about... Coming back? Yeah. I mean, fucking Adam Driver wants to come back as Ben Solo having lived. But if they do the multiverse idea, it's just And it's not Star Wars anymore. It's over. Right. I mean, you can't just

have a world where, and they would, this is how you fix everything, right? Suddenly, I'm okay with the book of Boba Fet because in the other universe he's actually a cool character and kills people. It does crime. But no. No, I know. That's why it shouldn't be done. It's a hollow pursuit.

And I think it was very cowardly of Marvel to even go down that way. I agree. I think multiverses, especially at least there's the comic world of like, there are multiverses in comics, yada, even though I disagree with that they're good. Sure.

But this would be the end of Star Wars. Star Wars has to be one timeline, one version of truth, and that's it. I'm selfish, but like I would love to see the Soderberg fucking Benfordno. Oh, for sure, yeah. That's like,

it's an interesting idea. If Adam Driver is excited about it, Sotaburg wants to do it, I don't know why you don't do that other than to be like, fuck you. Yeah, exactly. I mean,

the thing is like, okay, he dies, he dissipates, like his body disappears because he's now, he turns back to the light at the end, like, later to. But like, if you, I feel like almost why not do the Ben Solo movie if you're bringing Palpatine back, if every inquisitor on Obi-Wan

was able to be chopped in half with a lightsaber. That's the thing. Darth Mall's walking around having a coffee five minutes after he gets his legs chopped off. You break your rules as a rule. That is what you do. You break your rules. That is what you've been doing.

Since the beginning. So why do you care all of a sudden top this one? Hey, pal, large, large latte, a lot of whole milk in that. Sir, you don't have little legs? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm aware. I'm also under-caffeinated. Let's go.

Also, what you could do, you could give Adam Driver a movie before the events of this trilogy. Saw exit. Yes, and it's like no one's going to care that he looks a little older now. You just put a little more makeup on or whatever. Who cares? Nobody will give a shit, dude. that guy he's a handsome young looking guy you can make it work it's completely fine look they were 10 years out between those ready or not movies and i didn't fucking notice a difference there is that was the search for ben solo you just make it call like the fall of ben solo and it's him falling to the dark side people love fucking revenge of the Sith you know there's your playbook you know people like is uh desert chases where they fly now they fly now they fly now it work I feel like it works once as a C3PO line yes not the ratat tat tat because the rata

a tad is what ruins it, but him being like, oh, they fly now? Like, okay, cool. And then just let us sit with that. Let us sit with a fun kind of line. I just, I don't even need it. I'm like, yeah, they're an all-powerful empire. They're, of course, are going to make these things better. And yes, they can fly. Who gives their shit if they can fly now? They can fly now. I feel also it's a little silly that we had all of these decades of imperial rule and this, that, and the other thing. And it wasn't until the first order that we had people with jetpack. packs on like that. That's just fucking

getting from place to place jetpack. Boba Fett's design originally was to be, it was a design for like a super storm trooper who's all whites, the prototype armor Boba Fett, which had the jetpack and I think they were going to use it at Hawth originally or something, but they didn't do it. So yeah

Peepa, a supervisor friend got me all these great chips and some jet packs also and some branded water bottles. If anybody needs those. Oh and also you apparently trained a whole new battalion of his own stormtroopers called Sith Troopers and they're red.

Let's not think about it. They show up at the end of the movie. Does anybody want a thumb drive? These swag bags are pretty cool. That is a funny thing that they keep on trying to make these stormtroopers more interesting than I'm like, it's fine. They're just storm.

They're always good. It's fine. It's to sell you different kinds of toys. Well, I don't even know if it's, this is the thing that pissed me off the most is when they go to Kijimi and all of a sudden, they go around the corner

and they're like trying to sneak around and they're like, oh my God, walkers. And it's just stormtroopers who walk. That is fucking it. Were they zombie? No, just walkers are coming. And it's just stormtroopers walking in the street. I was expecting to see an ATST around the corner.

Jesus Christ. Dude, a little ATSD, yeah, it's like a smaller guy. Maybe someone's like ride them like a fucking... Like the granny cart version of an ATST. Like the one you just take, yeah, we're just, it's a town car. We're just going to the grocery store. Yeah, yeah. This vaporizes insurgents and all.

also takes me to the market. This chasing's okay. You're going through a desert caverny thing. It reminded me like the Padres. It was kind of neat. It looks pretty cool. It ends in quicksand and quicksand is just like, that's too stupid to be in this movie. Also, we had quicksand in the Force Awakens.

That's when Poe was supposed to be killed. You can't do quicksand again. Well, this is different. Good quicksand. This quicksand brings you to another level. A snake hole. the snake hole sand or whatever yeah sure

they get down in this thing or whatever and yeah it's uh it's it's not cool looking but I know what I think is cool in this this tunnel or whatever is um the uh the big snake puppet yeah yeah I do like that it's a practical

puppet which is pretty cool we also we also find the bones of Ochi or Oki's bones oh that's right and the dagger uh oh yeah The snake lets them have because Ray uses, which again is something that's, it's a concept that's been in video games

that we're showing the EU a lot, force healing on the snake. Yes, yeah. And it's fine. It's very video drone, like kind of like the, these vaginal wounds. It is.

Yeah. This and then later with Kylo Ren, it's very like. Also, it's like a big coiled cock. It's also true. You think about a snake. Oh, the snake. Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah, long, I'll put on this weird television station. Long live the new flas. everyone. What's he doing a hole in his stomach there? Oh, my. Oh, she's in this. I love blondie. Oh, by the way, skipped over.

Thank God I noticed in my notes. Oh, shit. Snap Wexley scene here. He comes in. And he's like, oh, hey, General Oregon. The falcons not responding. And she's like, be more optimistic. Oh, God.

And then we just cut back to the fucking passage man. I was like, wow, dude. You just awoken something in my mind. I forgot that Greg Grunberg plays Snap Wexley, who is the protagonist of the aftermath books. Oh, is that right? Yes, as a kid. It takes place like towards the end, towards the start of what the first order would become. And on the Gleap Glouclery years ago, we did an entry on Mr. Bones, that battle droid that is like a killing machine, which Snap Wexley created.

Wow. So, and now we see Snap Wexley, like post-Pain kill. Oh, yeah. After that career ended knee injury. He's been on the road with Edward Furlong. Because he... He prefers to himself as a sandwich artist these days. Oh, I believe he's in the...

Isn't he in the Force Awakens, like, a little bit? Yes. He's not in the last Jedi in here. There's a lot of Snap Wexley in this film. Because you're only allowed to put Greg Grunberg in a movie of J. James' director. Directing. He can be producing with a... Was that another bet? He's just been around for years.

He was the... on Felicity, I believe. He was on, he was the pilot of the ship that crashes, a plane that crashes at the beginning of lost. He's the pilot that was driving the plane. I'm sure he's been in everything, alias, whatever.

Oh, yeah, yeah. They get this knife and the snake's like, thank you, I'll talk to you. Oh, man, that has been bothering me for like a year and a half. Wow. Do I need a copay or what? I thought I was just going to live this way

for the rest of my days. This is a miracle. You tap the X button really fast. Here's the exit to the next level. Cool. Oh, thank you for saving me. I'm going to go kill a lot of innocent people now. Thank you so much.

Oh, that festival's going on, right? It's been another 42 years. I'm starving. Piggy's, piggy's, piggy. Just for you, I'm going to kill that rude little hog girl that asked you a last day. I'm going to do you that solid. We also get a night of Red and just watching Chubaka. Oh, that's a, that's kind of one of the worst shots in the movie because you're not really,

you don't understand what it's for. No, like, because you need to see Chubaka get kidnapped at this moment. And this one guy just being like, say, wookie. Dude, just like the Knights of Ren surround Chubaki puts his hands up and then we, then that sets up your fucking transport a lot better than, oh, I think Tupacca's not transport. Even better than the Knights of Runs around him.

And then Jerry, our, our number, Red, Red, number one is like, put up your hands, you disgusting monster. There's something like, oh, that guy's pretty cool. Whatever. Also, we should say before all of the healing the snake and getting in trouble with the Knights and ran outside and whatever,

it is important that C-3PO can read the Sith language on the dagger, but there is a protocol in his programming. Let me just see. It was a rule passed by the Senate, as a matter of fact, that it is against the law to read Sith language out loud. You mean the Senate that the emperor dissolved? What is it?

Why are we following that old law anyway? Because I think he's got the old operating system still. We never got updated. And then we get this fucking thing of like, well, if he reads it, we have to wipe his memory forever. Don't worry, kids. We'll undo that just as fast as Chewbacca's death. Wait for 20 minutes.

Just wait 20 minutes. I feel like it would have been cool. Just fucking fully wiped C3PO at the end of this. Why not? He got wiped at the end in the fucking prequels. It's a cool idea. Because you could have a cute ending to it too, right? Like, oh, R2D2.

That's a nice name. I'm C3PO. Human Cyborg relations. It's a fun running gag once his memory gets wiped. You know what I mean? Like all this stuff is like, ever is every day like this and like what a weird you know all

it kind of brings back like OT C3PO yeah like him just being an aloof dumb ass robot it's kind of charming in it's kind of charming in it but it is and Archer's gonna be sad oh no Artu fucking ghosted you for years bro he did

it's true don't carry your water for him I do wonder like you know like maybe that's maybe the center at it right though like once you gain power just make all that shit illegal like you're not allowed to read this shit you're not allowed to look at it, like just fucking, just outlaw it. Great Knights of Wren shot also

is they're like, they're approaching Oshy's ship and whatever. You see all of them gathered on a mountain top like that fucking Metallica video. I disappear, baby. Here I go now. But they have captured Chewbacca. Yep. And.

Kylo Ren flies that Thai intercept. And this is a cool sequence. This is cool. Yeah. This is your big trailer moment as well. Right, right. Right. Yeah. where she does like this back flip over it and cuts the wing off and then it crashes. And this kills Kylo Red. Sorry, everybody. He's not surviving this thing. No, sir. He better be wearing that fucking helmet. I'll tell you that much.

See, this is why I should have never taken it all. No, the force saved me. The force always saves me. It doesn't matter what happens. It saves me. But yeah, this is kind of the coolest section. Like this plain chicken with this thing is really great. Yeah, it's nice. But yeah, they got chewy. And so Ray using her force pole trying to pull this huge transport ship down which is distracted by distracted by Kylo and they're sort of going back and forth

this whole I mean the Taga War it's cool it's grand and maybe a bit much but in execution it looks cool and she accidentally electric does force lightning which blows up the ship which I feel like somewhere in the Disney office is like you know the kids aren't really responding to Ray what if she killed Chubaka? Good idea

Yeah, totally. How can we make the public love this character of Ray? I mean, and if we're going to, like, just the chickening out of it, too, like, you're bringing back these legacy characters. For the most part, you've been killing them. Why not? They're there to die in a way. I don't need to know that Chewbacca's going to be riding around the universe for 20,000 years. But that's how you knew from the moment, I mean, unless you're a child, you knew this wasn't real.

Like, you watch this and you're like, you do not kill Chewy though. even a stu-like a fucking a room full of monkeys write in Rise of Skywalker even they do not come with Chewy dies and random explosion in the air no he does something heroic and saves people that's what he would do they wouldn't even write the fake out right that never happen why even do the fake out is stupid I will say though when I saw this in theaters everything was going so poorly in this movie I was like did they just kill fucking Chewbacca oh really I was immediately like no

fucking way. But for exactly the same reason Steve just said, because everything in this movie up to this point, more or less had been a wrong turn. Sure. So killing Chewbac and that man, that would also be a wrong turn. Exactly.

That's fair. That's a fucking wrong way up the highway. You know what I mean? Shit, dude. Wow, this is getting worse by the second. This is plans. It's worse by the second. And whatever.

She's very sad by that. We're hiding on the falcon being sad about. That power came from me. Oh. I guess I killed the most popular character. these toys are never going to move no amount of training will ever get me out of this and she's like telling Finn here

about like her visions or whatever I had a vision of the throne of the Sith and who's on it and he's like Ren and she's like now it's me and me it's both of us you see we're like we're like boyfriend girlfriend and he's like oh I see

okay you're having visions about this guy I'm not even attracted to him that's what's so weird about I don't think about him at all. I do think there's this moment when they're in the quick stand when they're going down in Po, Finn is like,

oh, I never told you, and then they go down and she keeps pestering him to find out what it is. And Poe, very annoyingly, it's like, well, we'll keep it secret secret, secret, secret, secret, this sucks, this sucks, all the... And the thing that he should tell her is, I've always liked you. I've always loved you. You are the light of my life,

you're the star in my fucking moon, and all that shit. Yep. And then she's like, wow, I guess I have a love triangle. One is like the bad guy and one's the other good guy. Maybe that's something that we could play with in this world. Sure.

As opposed to giving him a black girlfriend in this movie. We ought to just had to know. What if he has a love interest and she's, you know, black too? Oh, God. It just feels so corporate. This is appropriate, quote unquote. Exactly. Shit.

Yep. Yeah, it's your checking boxes in a very depressing and uncreasing and uncreasing. way. I like giving Naomiaki a job. That's nice. But this, the character means nothing. Like, at all. Jana. Who cares? Like, Atlanta and the

end being like, well, let's go fine. You're a story. I don't care. That is the biggest bit of donkey shit if you believe for a second that Disney intended at all to carry on their stories. Give me a break. All right. I'll say this dumb line. But when you inevitably make a bad comic

book about it, I want a piece. Oh, exactly. Billy D. gets a piece. 50% of the same. Do you do audio comic books? Because I'm in there. So it turns out Chewbacca is fucking fine. Jew's alive. The Falcons being hauled away by Thai fighters to the First Order impound lot.

Dude, I like they're being towed. A fucking tow job in this movie is pretty great. That is pretty funny. Take it. Huck says, take it. To interrogation. The beast used to fly with Hans Solo. Yeah.

Oh, man. And it's like, now we're doing a raid on a Star Destroyer, very end of new hope. Like our hero, our, again, we're really trying to make this rag tag group work this time around, you know what I mean? But they're still trying to figure out what is going on with the translation and C3Pio, so this is the

Cajmi sequence. Oh, I'm sorry, that's right. And then that's right after. Because the dagger blew up. The dagger blew up with Chewbacca, and now they're like, well, fuck, now we're never going to know, we're not going to be able to get it. And this is where the PPO is like, well, it's still in my memory bank. I'm just, I can't tell you.

By the way, kids at home, don't worry, the dagger is also safe and not actually blown up right yes very soon exactly so they're like we got to basically jailbreak C3PO or else Chewy died for nothing well I would be like the chewy died because you used your fucking bullshit electrical stuff

sorry somebody had to say it like someone had to say it I'm sorry so your fucking rancid asses for leaving sheave palpeteen somehow somebody has to backhand Poe to be like because Poe's like we can't go to Kojimi we can't go to Kojimi I have an ex-girlfriend on Kojimi that I don't

want to talk to named Zori. This, you know, I think her design looks awesome. Yeah. It's Carrie Russell. And I like her and I like this design. I like this character. It doesn't really fit here. We're just I feel like this, this, oh, he was a spice runner. We're just, we are

just making him Han Solo now. That's what's so stupid about that details because I'm like, I've been considering him more or less a mashup of like, he's like the new Han Solo with a little bit of Luke Skywalker because he's like in a suit piloting stuff instead of a cool vest. but like, he was Han Solo from Force Awakens onward. So, like, the fact that you need to put, like, such a fine point on it like that is so ridiculous.

And it's just, I mean, like, I think Kajami is a cool enough idea. It's like, you know, kind of like Casablanca planet. It's very cool. I will say I've spent a lot of time on Kajmi because that Star Wars Outlaws game. Oh, okay. It's not real. No, no, no, no. But Kajimi is one of the main planets that you do a lot of your, like, nasty trading and crime things on.

That's a good game. I really like that game, actually. I had a good time with that. I played through the entire thing, which is a rarity for me in video games like that that are very story-based and things of that nature. I kind of just will fall off them before I finish. I played through the entirety of Star Wars that was.

It's a very fun game. Yeah, so we got to go there to, because an old connection will know somebody who can do the deed on this robot. Is the old connection John Williams, the bartender? Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, how cool is that? He's got like a fucking cyborg helmet on.

That's fucking funny. It's like, all right, John, come on in. Oh, this is my, why can I? Ouch. I'm definitely retiring after this. Yeah, he said very famous that this is my last fucking Star Wars. But he didn't intend it that way when he was writing the music. It was only filming this camera.

He was like, you know what? Fuck it. Can't be a pot of the resistance, one of the high priests of the resistance. No, no, no. You're just a bartender. Let me be Palpatine's number two. Can I get a cool imperial outfit? No, it's like,

like a bucket, but it's going over your eye a little bit. It's like you, but more of a slob. And you got a really funny hat. So yeah, we do see Carrie Russell's character is like kind of secretly following them right here. We see BB8 fire up this

nude droid. They're like, oh, this nude droid appears to have been abused. Oh, he's been treated badly in my head. I was like, I will read out of these abused droids. For just 99 cents a month. Yes. You can take home these abused droids.

This is a droid too far. I'm sorry. It's just another cute droid to make cute noises. We already have one. BB8 was the addition. That's all we needed. I'm a sucker. I like this guy. He's funny. I like no thank you. It's very funny to me. Yeah. I mean,

it's fine. If BB8 didn't exist, I feel like this guy sort of earns his keep a little more. He also reads a little more Pixary as well. He's just the lamp. It looks like the Pixar lamp. Yeah, exactly. But so he's, you know, he's got some information for him or whatever.

I do like when they're walking around Kajimi though and everybody's wearing like a hooded thing to hide including C3PO. Yeah. C3PO with a hood up is very funny. It's dope. But yeah, here's Carrie Russell's Zory, old business partner and whatnot. Oh, yeah, we're looking for Babu Frick. Can you help us find Babu Frick?

Oh, yeah, you're still a dirty fucking spice runner? Oh, no. Oh, your friends don't know about your drug dealing days, do they? Oh, I would have told you, but you just stepped on Babu. Poor little babu. And, like, Finn is upset about learning that he used to be a spice runner. And I'm like, what is your relationship even at all? You used to be a death squad member. Well, that's what Paul was, like, weren't you a stormtrooper?

Weren't you a fucking scavenger? Why are you judging my personal struggle? And Zori here wants to maybe take Ray in for the bounty. And Ray takes a lightsaber out, which is pretty, I mean, if I'm stormtrooper walking down the street, the lightsaber is pretty easy to see. Yeah, he's got a god. You can't be brandishing a lightsaber out. So here's my question.

Poe obviously has the thing for Zory. They might have fucked in the past. And at the end, he's even like, hey, want to fuck again? She's like, no, it's a funny little bit. Yeah. Helmet on or helmet off, you think, is a question. Both. Both, yeah.

It's a sharp helmet. It's pretty cool. Yeah, why not try both ways and see, you know, what you like? And, you know, maybe if you're unsure after trying both, you know, go back and try again. Yeah. You know, really? Actually, put it back on. Yikes.

I'm like, oh, it's getting really sweaty in here. Just keep for a little bit more. We'll be like, you know, like she's about to take it off. And you're like, oh, yeah, sexy Carrie Russell's under there. But she's got like fucking Baraka teeth from Mortal Kombat. You know, back on. That's fine. Also, though, like, she is basically like, actually, you know what?

I won't turn you in? Because it's pretty cool. You almost kick my ass with that lightsaber. Yeah. Like, that's the only sort of like, all right, I will help you now because she almost gets her ass kicked by Ray. You threatened to me. So I'm attracted to you a little bit.

exactly. Babu Frick is doing stuff. Now there's a Poe and her scene where she has this limited edition medallion that lets you go wherever you want. I mean, these are your letters of transit. Yes, yeah. You said Casabai. It's literally letters of transit right here. I got this big thing from the first order.

Yeah, it's a free pat. It's the fucking... It's a pog. It looks like a pog. It's the power of the little flute recorder and Mario 3 take you to the next level. Like, you can jump ahead levels with this thing. little game genie or whatever

but yep so why are you hanging out with somebody you can speak Sith which is pretty funny but yeah so again memory is going to be wiped if this happened taking one lost look sir at my friends yeah you know what I am not a statue

that line got me of course if he actually took one last look that's precisely that would be a problem something has to matter right well you know what matters is you know Sith you know they have red lightsabers so your eyes have to read when you read Sith.

Oh, the only way I can read Sith is if I take a deep, deep pull. Curly fucking shit, this is good, sticky stuff. He's rebasing diesel. Human Cannabis relations. Oh. I'm gonna go back home. Oh, my eyes fucked up. Tell me,

on my eyes fucked up. This is a Sith strain? Oh, you fucking gave me a Sith strain. God damn you. No, no, officer. I speak Sith. That's why my eyes are in. I know we're not supposed to. Sorry, Dad, I was speaking Sith tonight with my friends. Dry it is already. You had speaking Sith with your friends all night?

If they jumped off a cliff, would you do that? Maybe. Maybe I would. All right, you know what? You want to speak Sith? Get in here. You're going to read this whole Sith dictionary right now. Cover to cover. Hold thing right now. Mom, Dad's trying to make me read Sith again. You know, it's illegal, hon. Maybe that's what Palpatine's ultimate goal is once I finally rise again.

The old books will get come back, the old Sith records that I can't get anymore. Finally, I could get my Tom Clancy books back in my language. Yeah, they're all out of print. Rainbow Six in Sith. It's only in Sith. But yeah, oh, the Wayfinder. it's in an imperial vault wouldn't you know

in a moon in the Endor system remember that you remember and then dude here's the thing though everyone everyone

seeing this movie remembers that yeah yeah which we don't need Finn to come in and go the endor system where the last war ended get fucked

are you kidding me well he's got to say something Andrew I mean the guy's got like nine lines of dialogue no character development. He's got to say something. Where's my horse girl girlfriend? Where was she at?

No. Oh my, I couldn't believe that. The indoor system? You mean like in Star Wars? Endor system? You remember that one? So this is where we get the landing

on the Star Destroyer. Because she's like, well, she does, it's a great Star Warsian thing. Which is like, I'll never give this thing up. Here's this thing. Yep.

Yeah, exactly. Like it's my free ticket. Oh, you know what? Now it's your free ticket. Well, because I mean, the lady has a lightsaber. I mean, come on. deserves it. And it's another

McGuffin. Another thing that we're chasing after got to get. That's right, Wren's, the Starter Stryor comes up over Kajmi right here. It looks pretty cool up in the sky. I did like all that. Great Po line right here. Move your metal ass heels at C3PO. But yeah, here's just for no reason whatsoever. Here's the thing I worked my whole fucking life towards.

Here's my entire retirement savings. There you go, Po Dameron. That's fine. And Kylo Ren, who can jump into your brain and just skedaddle all over your fucking folds. That motherfucker cannot figure out that she isn't on the planet anymore. Can't fucking do it. Where the fuck is she? I shouldn't have smoked

so much weed last night. My fucking Sith brain's all cloudy. That's all my eyes were. I was reading Sith way too late last night. I was reading Patriot games and I went over to a hunt for Red October for a little bit just to get a little some of the old texts.

But so they are flying up to the start to try to get chewy. C3BO doesn't remember. Chewbacca, who the fuck is that? Like nobody. And then so everybody the three of them come in blast in the cargo bay here ready to go to work we get a ray does a little uh mind trick action here to get chui's location to these guys but uh-oh she senses the dagger we need it yeah i do like the the the rind trick gag because it's great that you're here it's a funny it's a funny way to do it yeah we've not done the exact same way a million times so that points

there so she's like you go get chubak oh i'm gonna go in carlo ren's room and smet his underwear i mean get the dagger. The dagger is what I'm going to get. And, you know, it's, it's a lot. They shoot like 25 stormtroopers. It's cool. Yeah. It gets a little repetitive maybe, but it's cool.

But yeah, I love Richard E. Grant in this moment, like, looks at a security thing and he's like, whose ship is that? Why is that in my parking lot? What the fuck? Go down there and see what that's all about. They're like, well, they had a magic goddamn parking pass, so, you know, we let them in. Even though it's a ship from 40 years ago. Oh, I knew.

he was a banana hammock type. Oh, those are so good. Oh, the vinegar just drudges off. The free, chewy. I'm going to move right past that shit. I'm sick, fuck. There's a reason the walls are white in my quarters. Have you seen happiness?

I've been kind of doing that. Look at all these postcards. I've never been to Hawaii. You know, when we're on the force phone with each other and I'm breathing heavily, that's what's happening. The force phone. I'm on the force phone. I'm talking to my girlfriend actually.

Thank you. Mom, hang up the other force phone. I got it. No, she's real. She's in the Canada system. Snoke, you're not listening. Oh, I killed him. Of course.

My mom's just a computer in this movie. So they all get captured right here. Po Dameron shot with a blaster. And I was like, just end it. End it right here. Somebody could die. And then you can give some more lines to John Boyega. Totally.

But that's a whole, hey, that's a whole limited series on HBO and Max. You're saying goodbye to that. Oh, sorry, Disney Plus. Disney Plus. The Sith Museum and Gift Shop scene that they have here, because Ray is like, oh, I sense Darth Vader's helmet is about. And she goes into a room.

And there, like in a museum casing, is Vader's helmet. And then in the next display case is the fucking dagger. Oh, the dagger made it. Aren't we so thankful? The dagger made it. He's not really into records. He's into Sith artifacts.

You know what I mean? He's a knife guy, dude. Some people collect, you know, physical media. This is collecting Nazi memorabilia. Yeah, no, that's very much true. This is fucking Chris Cooper and American Beauty type stuff. Hey, are you in my room?

You're not reading my diary, right? You're not, you're not... Wait, is it? Because I'm down on Kajimi. Where the fuck are you? Did I... I didn't lock my computer, but I shouldn't have to because it's my room, so lay off. BTW, I'll tell you right here, your parents were no one.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to do laundry tonight. Are you smelling my stuff? I'm sorry. No, I'm going to do it tonight, I swear. That sucks. not what you think it's for. Also, yeah, your parents, they chose to be anonymous, keep you safe, all that stuff.

Here's Jody Comer as your mother in a flashback in two seconds. You enjoy that? Do you like that? She's a pretty talented actress, isn't she? Big killing E fan. We get to see her being killed. Sure do. Is this other guy anybody playing the father?

Or Palpatine son, as it were. You know what? If you've got 10 seconds of screen time, I'm not looking young. My little son, Toby. Oh, what a disappointment, Toby is. a bigger disappointment is my disgusting daughter-in-law. We had dinner. I wasn't

depressed. I'll be honest. They sold you to protect you. I know what happened to your parents. I have heard that one before. Is this what he reveals your Palpatine's grand murder? Yep. Papatine had your parents taken. He gave the order

to have your parents killed. And then the fucking Bader helmet. This is where she breaks the case and it falls. And it falls in front of him. And then he's like, oh, that's where, right? He can see it or whatever, yeah. Yeah, because it's not like actually on the ground in front of him in Kajimi. That's a weird, like he sees it in that moment, but it's not the pulling it through the force.

He just sees it. She saw a Vader helmet. There's only two places you could be in my throne room or on that planet Hollywood and Karoo. Send one unit to Karu. I'll go back to my throne room. And by the way, whoever goes to Karu, get me some of their cool chicken wings on the way back. I'd love to see him, like, doing the ribbon cutting with that lightsail? Oh, yeah, dude.

Yeah, here you got, Carlo Rens going to cut the ribbon. It's actually a planet. Yeah, I don't know how it got here. He came for some dimensional riff. I don't know how. Yeah, speaking of the planet killers, here I come to use the new bathroom in the restaurant, toilet killer. I like the idea of Planet Hollywood being the whole, it's Hollywood, that's a planet.

It's literally a planet. Well, that was literally the logo. And then, yes, that's true. And then AI blows it up like a death star. Yes. That'd be nice. You know why? This is the best, though.

You know why the emperors always wanted you dead? Well, I'll come tell you. Not going to do it over the phone, though. It's a little rude to say over the phone. Put the fucking phone down, dead. I'll tell you later. Palpatine reveals like, I was listening on those phone calls. Oh, I had you tapped, my friend.

Pretty hot. I was actually beating it. Sorry I couldn't beam you some Kleenex because it seemed like you were really working one out there. So our three Intrepid Heroes back on the Star Destroyer facing execution here And Hux comes in and he's like, I'd like to do this myself, thank you.

It would be a nice cool villainous thing for me to do. And then he fucking shoots the Stormtroopers at it right there. And oh, wouldn't you know what? He's the guy. I'm the spy. Yeah, which is cool if it lasted for more than five minutes. It's so funny, though, because the actors reacting to Donald Gleason saying that in this scene, but reacting not as the characters, you see,

but as the actors themselves giggling at how stupid of a way to reveal this. What? Okay, yeah. They just can't believe it because it's so fucking stupid. Well, apparently there was, if the Adobe used to believe, the script changed so many times and there were so many reshoots and so many other stuff, that Kylo Ren had, or, Adam Driver had to record some dialogue in his helmet, in his closet, in his apartment. What?

Like, just like, you know, that's how they had to do some dubbing to make it work. So he had to wear his helmet in the closet to avoid the noise. It must have been a birthday. Oh, actually, sorry, sweetheart. I got to do more Star Wars stuff in the closet. Just keep it down out here. I'm just doing quick Star Wars stuff in there. I'll be right out.

Don't do the cake until I'm out. It's just like five lines. All right. Save the cake for when I'm out of the closet. in the backyard. You're never going to get away with this, Hux. I promise I'm going to destroy you and everybody else working against me.

Okay, I'll just, I'll do five of these. Your grandparent, your Palpatine's granddaughter. Honey and the clowns here. Your Chubacca's niece. Let's see. He's got balloon animals. Your Leah's twin sister from another planet. What else do we have?

What are you going to have all done? I'm not doing another one. Buzzin the pizza guy. No, Samantha, I know I leave for white noise tomorrow, but I really need to do. do this for them first. I'm Palpatine's grandson, too. I'll read them all. I'll read them all.

We're all Palpatine. I'm Palpatine. Oh, we all little Palpatine when you think about it. I'm Wedg Antilles' brother-in-law. I don't know. What else? What needs to happen here? Speaking down to Babu-Frike in this one? Somehow, okay, somehow Admiral Agbar returned. Somehow Wedge Antilles returned. Somehow, Neen Rub returned, which he does.

Neen nubs in this, but. No, this movie. And unlike Admiral Akbar, I believe you lives till the end of this affair here. But yeah, this is, you know, I don't care if you fuckers win. I need Kylo Ren to lose. Shoot me in the army, shoots him in the leg, which is

very funny. I do like that. And Donald Gleeson does a good fall, a good shot, but like, yeah, kind of fall down, which is great. But so Ray, or Ren shows back up on the Star Destroyer, and then, yeah, the Emperor wanted you dead, because you have this power. You're his granddaughter.

L. Are a Palpatine. There is nothing sillier than the word granddaughter in this context. It just doesn't mean

anything. It's so not impactful. It's just like, who cares or your grandfather was? I don't know. Seriously, right? I don't give a shit.

It's very silly. When people think about family legacies and like, oh, you know, think about your, they don't remember you, you don't remember them.

No one's going to remember you. Nothing matters. Yep. Stop holding on to your grandpappies. But it's just like her father was the son of the emperor and we know nothing about that. Doesn't matter.

It does not matter. Yeah, should though, don't you think. No, I really wish it did. They don't give a fuck. Oh, by the way, here's another dumb thing. We're a dyad in the force, don't you know? That's why we could do this. We're two that are one.

Yeah, we should have fucking told you that in the last movie, I guess, so it made sense back then. But yeah, here we go. Okay. That dyad thing. Is that a line? Are you running like a line on me? Yeah, that's how I'm going to get you into bed. say the words.

When to become one, I need some love like I never needed love before. Gonna make love to you, babe. Had a little love. Now I'm back for more. Gonna make love to. Is this doing anything for you? How could you say no?

Poring his heart out to you. Sung the spice girls to you? Oh, yeah. I would love that. You switch it over. It's just clawed on the phone. But yeah, his whole thing is like, hey man, fuck that guy.

Fuck your people. Paul. I'm going to kill this guy and we can rule the galaxy together. And she's like, hey, man, what if just nobody ruled the galaxy? What if we just all were planets and it was fine? Also, maybe since, you know, the emperor seems to be able to hear everything, maybe not say that out loud. Yeah. Maybe just keep, maybe mind tell me that a little bit. Oh, wait, is that the Falcon leaving? I guess my car's here. Oh, let's go. See you. She does a pretty rad force jump here to reach the Falcon grabbing the pole and sort of swinging around to get on the point. platform. You didn't expect me to call an Uber at the beginning of this conversation.

It was six minutes away and it's here a little early. Four minutes of that was taken up by your little spice girls rendition. That's what you get for monologue and motherfucker. Bye. It's a cool jump and like, it's a cool jump. And then this not cool, though, is right here General Pride. This fucking, uh, told Supreme Leader Snoke we found us by after he just shoots, hawks right in the gut right here.

Cool, dude. Well, at least somebody's fucking dead, honestly. That's true, but like, it just feels so anticlimactic for you. Nothing. Because you only found out the truth about Hux like three minutes ago. Yeah. I barely, I barely remember all the things he did. I can't, like, what are you doing? And also, if you're me, you're still just like, fucking Palpatine's, they did it. She's, because it was daughters in Star Wars. It was like, it was going on for months. Like, you know, she's probably going to be Palpatine's granddaughter. And in your head, you're like, that's really stupid. that isn't true. And then you sit in the theater

and there it is in black and white. And you're like, yep, the British accent. That was a giveaway. Uh-huh. Okay. I should have done it. Should have known. Jody Comer mother? Yep. It's right there. Well, I mean, that is one thing, I guess, is accurate, is that her, her, at least her father was nobody, because it really

is nobody we recognize. We don't hear a fucking word from him. But we know the force doesn't skip a generation, right? Because Luke had it. What if it did, though? What if it did to make my stupid movie work? Well, it's not like ball. balding. Well, I'm just saying, like,

was he for sensitive? We know nothing about him, the son of palpathy. Oh, no, he never wanted to go to Sith school. Trust me, I tried. I tried, and I tried to get that boy to care about Sid. I sat that with him, and I told him mentally ripped the legs off the frog. Do that, do that, and you're ready to be a Sith, and he wouldn't do it.

Hey, bud, we got, oh, what's this? It's hooked on phonic Sith edition. Maybe we could do this together. We'll do it, it'll be fun, we'll only speak it in the house so no one gets in trouble. A little secret language. Oh, my God, oh, I'm going to cry. Your eyes are a little red. Oh, I'm going to cry now.

Oh, my God, I'm so proud. Yes, my emperor, me, Darth Vader. Yes, I'm finding Skywalker. I'm so close to doing it. How's your son, by the way? How's he doing? Is he doing okay? We never talk about him.

How's the music going? Oh, you know, I try to encourage him to go to the dark side. But the thing is, the music's pretty good. I'd listen to his jizz if he wasn't my son even. Him and the wife, they went on vacation somewhere. I don't really keep up with that. I think it's near the Daegobahs. I don't know.

Now, how is he doing at the little baseball league? Did he like my present? They keep putting him on the outfield. Would you believe that shit? He's an infield player. I can tell you from the beginning. But he was like, oh, my God, Uncle Vader. I love my new baseball glove.

Thank you so. He loved it. Oh, he loved it. Excellent, master. Oh, man, just playing in the outer rim, left field. Oh, dude, yeah, that's what they put all the shitty kids. Dude, you sit down out there. The ball's never coming in you.

Yeah, that's what I used to play. Hey, you know, we're going to go to the sixth planet in, like, five minutes now, this other moon? Just finishing up some of this big league chew I had from the last game. A moon of Endor where all, like, you. all the wreckage of the Death Star crashed into. It kind of looks cool in the ocean. I think this is a cool visual. Yeah, a big structure in the water.

If you treated this with the respect it deserves, then yeah, it would be a cool setting. But it's essentially just like, okay, come on. Let's move it. Let's get to the next thing. You can't do Kajimi and this. This is way too much. I mean, yeah.

To say nothing of the Akiaki Festival. One of those three things need to go away. Like, let's spend some time on this. If Naomiaki's going to be a character, and we're going to give. Sure, yeah. Finn a race-appropriate girlfriend or whatever the fuck we care about.

Quote unquote, obviously. It's a podcast, dude. We gotta fucking make sure, you know, that doesn't go to an iTunes review. But just sarcastically, yes, if that's what's so important to this movie, and Naomi Acis is a great actress and it's a pretty cool character, then to make her a character. Right. But we are building up Endor here in such a way. We don't even talk, we didn't

even say the opening was Mustafa at all. But here, you know, we had the line, Endor isn't that where the last war ended? And then we have a line here. It's the death star. It's a bad place from the old war. Bad place from an old war. And then wouldn't you know it?

Only this blade tells where it is. She's fucking putting this sword up to her line of sight to match it up to the wreckage. Are you kidding me? There's a little thing you could pull out to make it look better or something. Like, I don't know, the extender. And then it's just like, sure. So I guess based on the rim of the Death Star Super Laser, this object is kept in that area.

but remember it all blew up and fell to the yeah exactly it might not be in that draw you left exactly might have jumbled might have jumbled a little bit just like yet if it's a fucking planet of a never ending tide I think it might erode there might be the sea level might be higher than your little oh we should see like a little crab with a Sith wavefinder shell oh fuck yeah that'd be cool oh I found it is over here

and this little guy oh you keep it actually no it's too cute he needs it more than us I'm already talking with the bad guy on the phone it's all right so it's this very stupid moment Naomiaki and her rogue troopers

they they stop them but then they're friends because there's half of a scene that John Boyega gets to do where it's like half if you're lucky it's really quickly they were another conscripted unit as children and Storm Troopers

Stormtroopers, yeah, as children, and then they, on their first mission when they had to destroy a village, they all said no in unison. And that's very similar to what Finn went through. Isn't that interesting? It's interesting, and it gives you time for Ray to scamper off onto her skimmer and get halfway to the death star, which is the real thing. Like, oh, where'd she go? Oh, no. She stole the skimmer to go because their whole thing is, like, Naomiaki is like, listen, we'll take you there. No problem there. But we got to wait until the tide goes down because right now it's a little too dangerous to navigate those waters or whatever.

By the way, she says that Babu Frick was the one who called her with that intel that they were on their way. Okay. Which I'm imagining this guy. For whatever reason, he's got a huge, like, human-sized phone that he's trying to tell. He's holding it up. Right. Yeah, he's jumping on the buttons. Four of his brethren are holding it up for him while he speaks into the...

John Bayegu was thrilled because he's like, oh, cool, I could do a scene with an actual an emotional moment to it. and I don't have to just yell a character's name over and over again. Oh, wait, no, that's going to get cut up. You have to go outside and yell Ray four more time. Here's the thing. You need to meet this band of folks, not on this other moon of Endor, which is not the, I don't think it's the forest moon. It's a different moon.

And it's also not Endor. It's the moons of Endor. Sure. But you meet Naomiaki's character way earlier in the movie and just leave Finn with her. Like, we're separating folks again. Have him be there. So then it's like. I have to train these people.

or I have to get this army together. Because he has that dog shit line of like, not bad for one lesson. And I was like, I should have seen any of what you were fucking doing here, dude. Like getting to know these people more. I mean, because it's such a true bond. You come from the same horrible situation. What a great idea. It should have occurred 40 minutes into the movie so that this woman and her band of people would be actual characters

by the time we're riding on the fucking Star Destroyer. In that original Trevorov draft, there was a fin, does like a rousey. speech to the stormtroopers and gets them to mutiny. That's kind of a full... He turns them. That's a great idea. And that you know, because Boyega's a great actor, you know that that's a fucking monologue

that he'd be able to sell it. Oh, yeah. I think it's more important if you were to yell Ray one day. Like just on, while she's doing something cool, he's off on the distance screaming for her to come back and not doing something so cool. Yeah. So they're all pissed off that she took the skimmer

to go over there and then like Everybody gets all fucking butt hurt about shit. And, like, Po and Finn kind of go at it. Po is like, I'm not Leah. And Finn's like, well, that's for damn sure. And then in the next scene where they're together again, like, they're not mad at each other. Well, because doesn't Leah die in between those two scenes?

Yes, it happens right now. Yes. People are noticing Leah being weird. Yeah. She's like, sleeping more. Right. She's not, she's just a computer ghost, you know, being janky. Anybody notice a, Leah keeps saying the same four things and none of them?

are appropriate to what is even going on? And why does she just walk around making the Apple computer boot up noise all the time? I don't understand what's happening. And she keeps, every time I see her, it seems like she's at the old resistance base. I don't know how. This part of Yavin 4 behind her.

Just keeps on like echoing. It just looks that way. I guess it is supposed to be Yavn still, right? Yeah, I guess. Oh, they're back to Yavin for this part also? That's another thing is like, we don't really underline it. I don't know where this rebel base is supposed to be. I don't know what we're doing.

Yeah, anyway. Because did they leave Yavin? Yeah. whatever. Anyway, Maz says, Leah knows what must be done to reach her son, and it will take all the strengths she has left. Right.

Right. And like the Luke death of, you know, this great, I think anyway, and people were always, Hamill didn't like it and Mark Hamill. And Mark Hamill is allowed to not like it. Mark Hamill,

though, also then retracted that after the fact, though, and was like, actually, you know what. Yeah. I'm just trying to make the fans happy here, folks. Even if he didn't,

Even if he didn't, like, it's not his story. William Shatner has a lot of bad ideas about Captain Kirk. You know what I mean? He is not Captain Kirk. He played Captain. Exactly. I think Mark Hamel is allowed to have his opinions, and they're valid. Yes.

But in terms of the actual story, they're not very valid. You're not right, you, man. I loved how Luke was handled because after so many failures and after being around for so long, why wouldn't you? Trump, too, right now, I'm going to a fucking Jedi Island planet, leaving everyone alone. And that was... Yeah, it's Ireland. that's where I want to go. Exactly.

And everybody had, like, when you read all these people, like Abrams, Johnson, all of them were like, yeah, of course he hates the force. Like, that's the character would, it wasn't like, all of a sudden Johnson was just like, the heretic was like, no, he hates this. It's like, Lucas was like, yeah, he would probably hate this. And it would probably ruin his life. It would probably do that. It isolated him and so on and so forth.

Yeah. But that ending and, like, giving that projection and, like, having that great monologue. and then fading into nothing is powerful. This is kind of the same beat in a much worse way. Yes. And it's unfortunate because like just kill her earlier in the movie. It sucks that she died. There's no good answer for how to do this.

But this might be the worst way to do it. We're trying to give her like the Yoda death from Turn of the Jedi where it's like you're sick in bed. But she's not a puppet. Like this is a big difference. No, she's not a puppet. She's not anything. That's the real problem.

A puppet would be better. That puppet would be great. If you can get a puppet. It should mention that when she does find Ray, when she finds the Wayfinder in that drawer in the office on the Crash Death Star, she starts having some vision. She fights herself for a little bit. This is the shark teeth.

It's the stupid double lightsaber as well. Wasn't that the double lightsaber she was supposed to have in the draft? In the draft, it was the blue one. And it kind of works because of the staff she had. Yeah. So it kind of is a similar thing. But I don't know. about this weird fork Swiss Army knife

component to her? I don't like the flippiness of it. I would like just a lightsaber staff would be cool. The mall just had the staff. Why does she have to click a button for it to like open up to the second? I'll tell you why, Chris. She bought it on T-Mu. Oh, okay. It's a T-Mu double-sided light-same. You shouldn't be doing that. You absolutely

should not be doing it. Ray, I got to tell you, go away from Planet T-Mu. It's probably not a good place to be. Just like the visions of what Luke had in the O-T of like falling to, like him in the dark side. It's like You cut Vader's head off and then it blows up and you see your own face in it.

Sure. Much more classy way to show this. What about shark teeth? What about them? Because I'll tell you what, Eric, it lets you know that she's mean. That's a mean version of Ray. The fucking huge black hood wasn't telling you.

No, no, it's the shark teeth that does it. It's one of those things. If you ever drawn anything, oh, this looks cool, this looks cool, this looks cool. Oh, yeah, I'm really liking how this goes. Oh, fuck, that's one shark tooth. I guess I have to get all the shark teeth. I guess I ruin it.

I ruined it. Oh, no, I should live with it. I guess this doodle of my mom has to have sharks. If we can fix Sonic the Hedgehog's team, can we do a special edition of this? Maybe. Honestly, I would not mind if they, like, find more footage. I'm sure you have it. Give me a longer version of this movie that makes it make more sense.

Somebody hire Tofer Grace to go for the big ones. Yeah, honestly. Get him back in there. Get his ass in the chair. Get him in a fucking, like, subterranean editing chamber. We're just going to live for like two months and adding things to this movie. Here is another lightsaber fight

which it's... Oh, on the big pier. Yeah, it's cool. But at the same time, like, I just saw one between these two characters three minutes ago. Yep. You have to remove that one to make this one have some impact. You haven't done anything to build their relationship past the point.

Like, this is all still working off of what they built in The Last Jedi. You still have not built past that. Why not do that first before you have the next big fight? This is after he has like grabbed the way force grabbed it from her and crushed it. And he's like now the only way you're getting to eggs of gallons if you come with me. And if you pause it right now, you'll see that there is an hour left to the film. That's just a fucking nightmare. That's craziness.

But yeah, the big fight. It's just a bunch of force jump in and this, that and the other thing. But this is, Kylo's about to strike Ray down. and then this is Leia in silhouette because you don't have any of this and she just goes, Ben. Yeah. And then she lays down at the base, R2D2 present for the time

of death by the way, you got to put out there. So he's got the exact time in his little internal clock. Medical logs. I think he probably... Dr. R2D2. He probably gave her some like Kovorkiad juice too. Like she just doesn't want to live anymore. You know what I want. Come on, little guy. You know what I want.

Do not resuscitate. Don't take that that death star probing dick a year and shoot me with lightning. Dude, and then she's like,

you remember all those years ago, Ardu, when I bent down on that ship to give you what I had to give you, and then it cuts back to 77,

and she's putting the fucking messaging, but then also puts a little fucking capsule in there when the time is right, you'll know. But yeah, so Ray stabs him clean through

right here, but she uses her fucking force healing like she did on the, worm to heal right here. And she fucks off on her own ship. The only thing here that's kind of anything is she's like

because he says something like, I reached out and I didn't think you wanted to take my hand. And she's got his hand and he says, I did want to take your hand. Ben's hand. We're supposed to believe in this moment that Kylo's on his way out. He has died and now Ben has been reborn. Lay of funeral.

I suck the Kylo poison out of your leg and now you were just Ben again. Thank God, Chewbuck. live so he can cry at the funeral. Absolutely, dude. We get Hans Solo Force Ghost, sort of maybe not me, maybe memory ghosts.

He's not, he says, I'm just a memory. He's not blue. He's not blue ghost. That's the key. Someone slipped you a mushroom here. Yeah, you're having an ego

death trip right here, son. That's what's going on. You're not actually falling back to the light side, you understand. You're just on drugs. You feel good, but a little seasick, right? Yeah, you're You're there, buddy. Quick thing about the Mazkanata cameo at the funeral, which is just seconds from where we are now,

seconds ago. And she's like, goodbye, dear princess, and this, that and the other thing. The trivia says that this is a Mazkanata puppet and not just all the CGI stuff. Looks good.

If it's true, that's good. If true, very cool. Because I was like, pop it, really? That fucking thing is great.

If it is poppet, it looks great. Chewy falling to his knees is also heartbreak. I just got to put that. That's very fucking sad. I was waiting for him to rip some people's head. off. Yeah, totally. Who's responsible for this? He just fucking murders Dominic Monaghan.

Hey, look, you wanted to be in Star Wars. You are a chewy victim number two. Honestly, that is a great honor in cinema. I was the dude in Rises Skywalker. They got ripped apart by Chewbacca. Hell yet. A grief ripped apart. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you know,

Your son is dead. No. Kylo Ren is dead. My son is alive. And we go through the same. I know what I have to do. I don't know if I have to strength to do it. And he's like, oh, believe me, you got the strength. You got the strength to do whatever you want, man. Listen, kid, you got an hour to figure it out, okay? Credits

are on their way. Credits are coming, I can see them. There's no stop in them this time. But then this is, you know, Dad. Yeah. I know. Oh, yeah. And it's like, man, have I seen that movie already? He might as well

be like, Dad, you tell me the truth. You shot first in the most icily canteen, right? You're goddamn right I did. Cool, because this whole movie is about t-shirts and it's important to address every big t-shirt that's out there, Dad. There's an R-slash that has to be closed for good. Tell me who shot first.

Han shot first is one of my favorite memes of all time. Wanted to make sure it was an accurate one. Not a dank one. No, no, no dank memes. No, ma'am. No dank memes. And then, you know, just fucking throw that lightsaber into the sea. You turn around and your ghost dad's gone, dude.

the princes of Alderon has foiled my plans which is a great this motherfucker living in the past refuses to acknowledge you got a promotion to a general you old fuck good God I just got the CCR blaren when we go back to Xical Who is he even talking again there should be a guy Well you know this is the thing

It's a fucking way too The credits are coming over the horizon Wouldn't you know what general pride is in on it? Oh that's right Talking to Richard's Grant in this moment And I was like, oh, my, you're telling me that's a character after all? Come to me on Exigal, General Pride. And Pride says, as I served you in the Old Wars, I serve you now.

Yes, that's right. Get a bunch of book deals going for all those old wars stories with me in General Pride. Honestly, sure. Tell me about a different timeline that's not this one. Tell me about a Richard E. Grant six-part show that I'll watch called General Pride. Fuck it. General Pride, who is 93 years young. But wouldn't you know what?

This is where we fire that cannon at Kajimi and Adios, cool city and the planet. Just completely gone. And now, wouldn't you know, yes, every ship in this fucking Palpatine fleet has these planet killer weapons on them. This is how he finishes. All world surrender or die. The final order begins. And I guess, hey, it's Palpatine again. Spinning the hits here.

Next, we got Pat. Benetar coming up. I know I said I'd be doing this weekly. Things got out of hand. We might be doing, but I'm going to drop what I drop is what I'm saying, okay? Stick to all the socials. You know exactly when we're going to come out of the few sores, okay? Yes, follow me on truth, sis.

Truths sis. Sith. But so this is Po sitting, this is a funny scene. Poe is sitting with a blanket over her face. because she's not there and never was Leia right here. And he's like, so I guess just due to the nature of you being dead, I'm like the new acting general here, I guess. And I don't know how to do this job.

I'm not ready, he says. And then out of the corner of this darkened tent, neither were we, baby. What the fuck were you doing there, Billy D. Williams? Oh, I just was in whatever the insidious universe is. That's how I travel from place to place. Oh, you mean the further? Yeah, baby.

I have wandered through the further and sashayed into this here camp. Plus, I told you, I like to watch. Don't always like to be watched to myself, I like to watch. And he's like, you know, we had each other, babies, all those guys that you hate out there? You got to learn to be friends with them again, baby. Also, we didn't have Reddit, so we knew how to story tell. But yeah, we have some line here about wouldn't you know it? Oh, she was actually originally supposed to bring Ray to the emperor from Jaku.

But it just never happened. Then she never got to it. I couldn't get around to it. And now Ray goes all the way back to the Luke Skywalker Jedi Island. And this is a really nice. You can tell she's serious about it though, right? Lands that fucking thing immediately blows that ship up. And it's just like, here I am now.

It's me, those two little fish lady people and the big titted thing out back. And that's my life now. This is my found family. And then, yeah, an army of porks. Nothing but porks. And she throws the lightsaber into the fire. and then here comes fucking Luke Skywalker

Catches it No way to treat a beautiful weapon like this Why would I ever throw it? And I'm like I want to fucking I want to leave I've been waiting for this movie for two years And I want to leave the theater It's like he's just saying the direct opposite

Of everything he said in the last movie Being a Jedi is the best thing you can do with your life You should keep doing it We aren't what they grow We aren't what you grow beyond We're what you grow into, I guess. I don't know. Whatever Yoda said that was beautiful about letting the past go, he was wrong.

Actually, everything's great. The past is fantastic. He never learned anything new. Keep doing the same shit. Yep. Keep sharing out the same shit over and over again. It's going to be great when we're doing this in 30 fucking years. Nostalgebra bit, Ray.

It's what we need to keep going. He literally says most of what I said was wrong. Most of what I said was wrong. What? Fear was what kept me on this island, all this stuff. I didn't tell you, but the blue milk has a bit of, it makes you a little high. So, and, you know, I drink that every day and, you know, maybe I wasn't talking right. Luke says to her in this moment that all along, both he and his sister Leia, knew this girl was a palpity.

Oh, absolutely. The whole time. Oh, the whole time. The whole time. Get out of town. Hey, you know, you never saw me do the thing I did in the original. trilogy last time. You want to see me raise an X-wing out of

the water? Let's do that. So he raises an X-wing out of the water because you remember that? But I have to say it's kind of one of the only things that like Ryan Johnson's got the cool note of it in Rise of Skywalker. It's one of the only things that they pulled the thread through to this movie. Yeah, it's true. You know, it's like, okay, you

show it in the water and that one, you don't do anything with it. This one he brings it. I think it's totally acceptable. Sure. but yeah both knew you were a Palpatine but Leah still trained you anyway because she knew your spirit remember she got training

that's right don't forget see they were talking about it and then we get a flashback there's a couple flashbacks in here and also we have not done flashbacks in Star Wars really almost ever there's a couple of dream sequences in the last two movies it seems out of place it does of just them training and like their CGI doll faces looking at each other

and he sets it up with like there's something my sister would want you to have. And then it cuts with this thing. So it was the last night of her training. And I was like, what the fuck? The fucking credits are coming over the hill. You can't be doing a flash vaccine like this. And it's her lightsaber. And they're mostly wearing like helmet masks things. So you don't have to look at the fucking hideous computer visage. Dead eyes. The dead eyes. Yeah, dude.

But yeah, she sensed the death of her son at the end of her Jedi path. And then is this? And I didn't want to like come out. guns blazing criticizing this because I'm not sure if it's like canon to Jedi or not. But his thing, and Palpatine also about like a thousand generations of the Jedi live in you or Palpatine's later saying they're like, you'll have all the Sith come down into me and into you, which is a Dune thing. That is 100% of Dune thing. But is the Star Wars? Not the first of all, not the first time they stole from Dune. No, I know. No, no, I know. I'm just saying like, is this another incident of that or like.

I don't think I've ever heard of that. It's like the first time that's been talked about in that way. I guess because if these beings live on like after, you know, with the force, they're one with the force after they die, they dissipate. Then I guess sure it's conceivable. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the Sid from virtuosity. All the serial killers.

Funnel into one super serial killer. Ah, yes. Sid 6.7, my favorite movie villain. I know. It's a little controversial. My favorite Denzel movie. I know it sounds weird, but I just. happened to love it. It's the only thing Toby and I

could ever bar. I'm watching Virtuosity together. I'd say just stop playing your jizz for a minute. We're going to watch Virtuosity. It's Virtuosity Friday, Toby. Kelly Lynch underrated. Phenomenal actress. I read a ton of the expanded universe

when I was a kid. I never really read the Jedi stuff as much so maybe it's in there. Yeah, just that idea of like all the memories of all that, because that's like, yeah, that is in Dune, in Dune, it's like when you take the water of life and all the memories of all, the Benegesit are now and you and they're all talking to you at once and everything. Sounds very annoying.

It's a kick at a fucking moment's piece. She is going to Exigal. Finally. She's also using R2D2 to broadcast where she's going. That's right. Yep. So that that's where the final battle will be. And Finn is like or Pose like, you know what? We'll just, Lando, you go out and just recruit a whole army for me.

You have like, I don't know, six hours. Waiting on a. Waiting on a volunteer fire brigade to show up and save you. That's the end of this movie. But here's what's fucking funny about it, though, is they literally try that at the end of the Last Jedi and it doesn't work. Because you need a well-respected character to actually recruit people. Like fucking Po Dameron, who nobody gives a shit about us. Yeah, why don't you come help us?

And they're like, fuck off, dude. Oh, my God. General Lando Calrizi himself is asking for help. Fuck yeah. Hop to it, everybody. By the way, by now, C3PU's got all of his old memories back. Don't worry about it. I'm quite certain I would remember if I had a best friend.

I love him saying that to Art 2. Which is a beautiful little line. It's kind of sweet. Like, oh, wow, this journey had a cost. Oh, actually, no, it didn't. No. Because it's just after he says, I'm sure I'd remember if I had a best friend, C3, or R2D2 plugs himself in or whatever the fuck.

And then it's just this, oh, well, your last save point on C3 was the beginning of the movie. Yeah. Well, it'd be funny. I really should have backed up. This is from Empire Strikes Back. Wow. Oh, no. Chewy is in trouble. Like, that would be kind of funny.

If it was only up to an original trilogy movie, that would be awesome. So we're leaving for the Forest Moon of Endo, right? Wait, what? Yeah. That would be kind of cool. But the fact that... Yes, yeah, that'd be a good joke. Where's Luke?

The backup, it goes right up to like three days prior. Great. That's fucking zero stakes right there. Zero, less than zero. So everybody gets ready to move out. We've got Dominic Monaghan encouraging Chubacca in this moment. There's this out, come on, buddy, you can do it or whatever. And Rose is like, could I do that?

No, Dominic Monaghan, I bet him. So I didn't write your character and I don't like your character. So this guy's my buddy from another other TV show. So he's going to do it. It is just fucking brutal. It's tough. So what the whole plan is like we're going to do a ground invasion to like start taking out. The one ship that there's a nav signal on that.

He grants all the other Star Destroyer. General Pride's ship has the signal going out on it. We're going to go attack that one. But it turns out he can ping it or something. They're following them. The Emperor, great in dark magic, not so great in logistics. He's just got all these fucking Star Destroyers ass to ankles.

At one used car lot. Exactly. Let's spread this out. Move, come on. Move your fucking Star Destroyer. I'm in the back here. Let's go. Got some rebels to kill. It's just like they can't go anywhere. unless the first one knows where to go. Or it's a space traffic jammy he created.

And you've just got this dog shit like, look at that fleet, which is okay, fine. You're like impressed by it because that's a lot of ships there. That's fine. Fucking Po Dameron. Welcome to Exigal.

Yeah, they all know, dude. They all put it in the GPS. I don't even think it looks good. I feel like the fleet does not look good. Just because it's like so it's a darkened. It's like in shadow because, oh, exigal is scary. I don't know.

I want to see these. these fucking ships in a real way. They just looked like somebody, you know, copy and pasted a bunch of blacked out Star Destroyers. I think, I think, you know, I totally hear you. I think for me, at least, like, I know what a Star Destroyer looks like.

They've been terrifying me since I was a kid. I think this is like, I know what they look like. The fact that they're all in shadow is a little ominous anyway. Yes, but what I would like to see, because these are OT Star Destroyers, which does not exist in the sequel trilogy until now, so I thought it'd be cool to see able to be able to see

even one even one even one so yeah they're doing that getting ready to fucking bomb these guys and whatever and Ray takes the elevator down to the Palpatine level here creepy shit all over the place it means nothing because we don't know anything

about this chamber really but yeah Zeta where are you Zeta come out here oh so there's a okay I just found it in my notes there's a part where there's a guy who sounds exactly like Richard E. Grant who talks to Richard E. Gras, they have an exchange, right? So this guy says,

they're targeting the navigation tower to which Richard E. Grant right there. Then we'll guide the fleet ourselves. And it just sounds like Richard E. Grant talking to himself. Like, if you close your eyes, it's just the same voice. It's so fucking funny. And it's like, welcome to my darkened chamber. And one you, your goal has always, hello. I think he even says welcome, granddaughter.

Long than I waited. Finally, my grandchild, would you like a Worthers, original? You know, you said you'd come earlier, but you were never here. You never call. You never call. Never write. Also calls her Empress Palpatine. How about that?

Oh, right, yes. You know what I like about these is that the wrapper is a strawberry, and it tastes like strawberry in the jam. It's such a creative candy. It's a wonderful tasty treat. you don't like any of those, I have the super spicy cinnamon discs. I save them for myself, though. It's a different bowl. Because I see I'm constantly just rotting as a corner and my bad breath is really offensive

to all the weird minions out here that live with me. I understand. It doesn't make a lot of sense what's going on. They might as well be minions. They might be going. Yes. Banana. They're convulsing and bowing and stuff here, I guess, sort of.

Because they're ready, dude. They're ready for. Empress Palpatine. Because once she strikes him down, he will inhabit her body. And now, I get to be a sexy young lady, not a bad situation for old Palpatine. Yeah, she. What I haven't told her is that I've downloaded a Shenzhong update to my system. That allows me to do far more than you would believe before.

Yeah, he says, kill me and my soul will pass into you. And I have all the souls of the others. And you're like, okay. Uh-huh. whatever you say Paul okay and now Kylo Ren's outside and the Knights of Ren are stopping him

for some reason they are on the side of Palpatine that scene deleted there that's right if Jeff the other the head guy went up to Palpatine he's like I now serve you my master then I get it then there's something me and all the rest of my knights

it's the Knights of Ren not the Knights of Ben so it doesn't work like that I like it. But man, I would kill for more on the Knights of Iran. Make, figure out how to put that in a TV show. Exactly. I made fun of it. But that shot of them looking like the Metallica video is kind of cool. It's just a

circle of fucking dark cloaked assholes on a big desert mound. It's just my imagination drawing while, but I really was hoping like that's what's in Soderberg's thing is finally, because it was one of the things that everybody was like, they look so cool, do something with them and nothing happens. So I'm like, maybe that's in the jumble of

things we should have done with this movie. It's just a big fight and he's just murking these dudes. Finn and Jana, by the way, are leading that horse rebellion on top of the outside of the Star Destroyer while this is all going on. This is one of those things I'm never, it's called Star Wars and I don't take that as like I'm not supposed to understand anything about the universe in this thing. Are you not at that range? Are you not like gasping for air the minute you go on the outside of one of those ships? Yeah, it depends upon how high up they are. I'm like, this doesn't seem right.

I don't think I'd be able to ride a horse on a fucking spaceship. I don't think the horse would want to be on that fucking thing. Yeah, I don't think anybody would be cool with this. It would throw you. Yeah, I think you'd be gone. And since these are CGI fake animals that just look like horses, they're not actually horses. Can I see some of these things fall off this fucker? I think they also realize there's like, okay, so let's do this ground invasion type of thing.

We'll do it on top of and on the outside because we've had so many action scenes within First Order corridors. Yeah. That this makes it different. I think they thought it would be cool. It's like, it's just a little too late. Confusing. What the fuck are you doing? But then, you know, we got the Sith troopers attacking them outside now. Right. A bunch of shits happening. There's flying. We're shooting. I think Rose shows up. She's like her. She's done with her Excel spreadsheet for the day. So she was able to fucking go

outside. I'm done studying. All my homework's finished. They said I could come out and help the rebellion. I had to miss General Organa's funeral because they kept on making me do work, but I am here for this. Because also, by the way, if she's done all, I mean, I guess does she, is she the one that cracks the whole thing about the radio tower? Because she was doing all that research about the old star destroyers. Probably a line. You're probably right about that. Give her something.

By the time we got to this part of the movie, I was so exhausted. And by the time we got to this part of the podcast, I'm so exhausted with this movie. So they're going to do the big ceremony. here. He's doing that, kill me. Fucking kill me. Oh, baby, do it. Just fucking kill this old bastard. Yeah, totally. And then, you know, he's screaming and yelling.

The Jedi are dead. And this is the Knights of Renner kicking Kylo's ass around here. But this is great. Ray and Ben link up. She sees that he's clean. Oh, okay. Oh, I'm so proud of you. One day at a time. Let's fight together here. Come on now. Here's a blue lightsaber for your troubles.

Here's a one day clean blue lightsaber. Oh, here's that thing that Carrie. Russell gave us. You can use it now as you chipped. And he just merks these fucking dudes. Yeah, they fight. They fight the knights here, which is pretty cool. The Royal Guard's getting in and you get some of those red guys down there fighting around.

I would have liked this to be bigger. It's no fucking cloakroom scene. Snokes Cloakroom. I think that's the best fight scene of the entire sequel trilogy. Of course. Yeah. It's one of the best in Star Wars, period. The guy getting pushed in the thing and they're blowing up into all those pieces.

It's just beautiful. Primo, Primo shit here. And this is when he's like, oh, you're a dyad. Oh, yes.

Everybody remembers dyads from earlier in the movie. There are a dyad audience. And this is like when Scotty Pippen's daughter and Michael George's son started going out. Like,

you know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes. There are the two bloodlines are together. Exactly. I think they both appeared on Real Housewives of Miami

in one way or another due to that relationship. But so the diet and the force, you see. Stand together, die together. Because for some reason that dyad, if he sucks the force through the dyad,

he's regenerated and that was the plan all along. Again, this is a fucking boomer refusing to retire. Yeah. Letting go, you wrinkly fuck. I also don't know. I'm sitting in the theater opening night and I'm like, the fuck's a dyad. I mean, I'm still saying the fuck's a dyad.

Like literally, what the fuck? What are you talking about? Diyad sounds like two. Okay. There's two of them. Yeah, I guess you got me there. That's fine. And now he's sucking their souls like Shanksung.

I don't understand what that's about. So here's a question. He's on this like respirator. Then he goes, yes, that he gets the dyad juice. A dyad is a pair of two individuals, elements, or units that are closely related or considered as a single combined entity. Interesting. There you go. So he sucks his stuff out.

Yeah. That's important. He sucks those kids off. He cut away from their powers. And at some point, he changes his outfit. Because he comes back and he's wearing this like fucking nice red shirt all of a sudden. Palpi's going out today. Get me my good.

Oh, wow. I wonder if it still fits. Get me the good one. The good silk red shirt. You know what he looks like? There's a couple of them. I've been watching it because it's on Shudder now. They got the first two seasons up as of recording.

There's a couple of tales from the crypt episodes where the Crypteepers, kind of like dressed up for one reason or another. And he's got the, it's like the Vegas blackjack dealer gambler vest on thing. Like that's what he's wearing. Yes. It's that exact, you look like a cheap Vegas guy. When Alfred Molina from Boogie Nights has to go

out on the town, he wears shit like this. Oh, come on, snap guy. Throw the little snaps down around me. Now we have a party on our hands. Motor rate. What's your price for flight? But by the way. So falls the

last Skywalker and Palpatine does his Ben Solo into a pit. Yeah. Well, take that motherfucker. You threw your grandfather threw me into a pit. Now I threw you into a pit. Oh, you like pit play, do you? Hope you like pits, asshole. And so he unleashes this massive force lightning up into

the sky, which powers up all the Star Destroyers or something. And this is like killing all these other planes and stuff? The Jedi powers. It takes out the resistance fleets. In this sequel trilogy has been too much in general, I think. Then that goes for Ray. That goes for everything. Yeah. Because again, it used to be like, you could do a really cool jump. You can, you know what I mean? You can move something.

You can move a fucking ship. Maybe this lightning that could take out all these ships and destroy all this stuff. I'm like, well, remember all the Sith is were born within him and all of the Sith now. Who cares about the rule of two? Now, there's 50 guys in me

now. I mean, it's, I agree with you. It's kind of ridiculous. But these are your final steps, Ray, rise and take them. And she's hearing this is where you got, quiet got, you got all these motherfuckers, churping in her. Absolutely does,

dude, even though he's still alive. A lot of cartoon, a lot of cartoon people. Sam Jack, no, Mace Windy's dead. Mesa Wendale got killed. No, what did he got killed by Palpatty? I thought there was, or maybe just Sam Jackson was talking about, he could have been found alive. I thought he was brought back in a comic or something. Oh, I don't know about that.

I don't know. Maybe, maybe I'm just, you know what it is? I think I'm conflating bringing Darth mall back a million times with Sam Jackson one time I think saying like well I said to George Lucas one time

like you didn't see where his body landed Yeah yeah yeah Yeah so I think he did say that that's funny But yeah The Maze Window Jedi master fell through five lanes of traffic tonight Tragedy But you know what if this functions as though

This is Ray Hearing it from the crowd She is professional wrestler Hearing it from the crowd She gets back up here No less than five cartoon dudes are in there like Freddy Prince Jr. and whomever. No, I'm not kidding.

No, yeah, Freddy Prince is one of the guys for sure. Whoever any bullshit. Every little cartoon you ever liked is talking to Ray right now. Don't worry about it. And if we all clap really hard, she'll come back. You got to clap and say, I believe in fairies or I believe in Jedi. I feel like it's too much because it's like, I know this is like a Reddit thing. It's like they like the Clone Wars cartoon so you need the Freddie Prince Jr.

But just use the big iconic ones. Give me the movie. The movies are the movies. Yes. Thank you. Obi-Wan, you want to throw Quigone in there, I'm not going to say no, but you know what I mean? Like, give me the movie guys. Dude, I'm never

going to say no to Quigan, Jin. Not at all. You want to go to a movie? You want to fucking steal steal my kid and put him into slavery, whatever you would do, whatever you want to do. Whatever it was. Everything you want, anything you want to do with my kids. You want to get Wado in there? Great. Are you taking your steps. Yes, I'm a foot sensitive.

But so then she uses both Luke and Leia's lightsaber together, pushes Palpatine's force lightning back on him, and melts this motherfucker to nothing. Which is nice. I appreciate that. I do. Not my vest. It was new.

I didn't keep the receipt. So he's hopefully dead for the last fucking time here. We'll see. Maybe he'll come back in one of the other movies. I fucking hope not. That's what Mandeloy and Grogu is. We haven't seen it yet, folks. We have not. Recording this weeks earlier.

Maybe he's a nap. That'd be a nice surprise. It would really, really make me sick. Grogu, somehow the man, he would return again, I guess. I don't know. They got to go take him out. No, no, no. This is before he returns in the future.

That's right. But he's back here again. He'll be back again as well. That's right, Grogu. He's back. He's back from the future. I do like all these statues falling down, though, when the emperor dies. All these fucking, you could have been monster genesis.

side here. All these poor bastards and the cheap seats are getting it. Adios, dude. You fucking hit your star in for Palpatine. Jed, you fucking voted for it, dude. I don't care what you think about gas prices now. You voted for it. That's right. So great thing here, the Star Destroyer with the communications antenna exploding here.

Originally grants eats shit. Dude, it's awesome. You see his body fly out the front window of the bridge. It's kind of cool. I'll take it. I will take it. Then, yeah, here we go. Landau and Chewy swoop in and they save Finn and Jane. who were trapped on the Star Destroyer.

They jump out of the Falcon and get out of there. We should say, yeah, Billy D. Williams did show up with all those people. He did. It was wonderful and really inspiring Snap Wexley ate shit. Oh, yes, also very funny. It's like Randy Quaid and all those guys showing up at Area 51 and ID4. But if you're going to do this fucking reactionary bullshit, have Finn and Jana kiss at least.

Because then there's some romantic element here. Well, I guess there is in a minute when she kisses sexy Ben's. Solo. Right. Yes. As Ben Solo dies. Oh, I'm sorry, Steve. They have to be a girlfriend and boyfriend. They can't just be friends. No, no, literally, I'm sorry. Ever to not be the case. I see, I see how it is. Only die ads can kiss, dude. That's it. Oh, my God, I kissed my diet today. It was like kissing myself. I loved it. I think I got a sex stream about my dyad. Because he comes out of the pit like, wow, what did I miss? I think it moved. What's that smell?

Oh. Yeah. Smells like burnt dog down here. Oh, Vankman. I'm sorry. I didn't see your dead girlfriend. Yeah, she's just like dead. She's ice cold.

Yeah. And he's going to give up all his life juice for her because she's just, she's great. Give her the juice. Give her the juice. She wakes up. She calls him Ben. They kiss. He and Leah fall away at the same time.

Yeah, you see Leah, Leah's computer dissolve as well. They're going to do Force Ghost Mommy and me somewhere. so Ray's back in her X-wing, Red 5's in the sky, Ray's alive, you know, everyone's happy and relieved. Question, so we do have a little montage of

like, you know, ships fall under the ground, we did it, and you see like much like end of Return of the Jedi, there's a little bit of like a partying around the galaxy. Is that, are we seeing, because you get some Ewalk, so that's Forest Moon of Endora right there. Was the, do we see Cloud City right there?

Is that the next thing? Okay. I was wonder, that's pretty sweet. With the thing coming down behind it. Yes, yeah, it was a pretty awesome. Lobot is just running Cloud City. I'm not even allowed in Cloud City anymore. They won't let me back there, baby.

Lobot took the throne. He ain't giving it up. We see a new Star Destroyer crash land on Jaku, I believe. Yes, right, right, right. A lot of portions there for people that scrabble stuff. Get out there, Simon Pegg. Come on. What the fuck were they out there for?

They're all over the place, man. But so the rebellion fighters overturned, everybody's happy. Fucking Chewy gets this participation. Dude, fuck this shit. This is like, oh, remember that joke from the internet? This is the I'm the juggernaut bitch of this movie. This is a big meme moment that we're now going to put in because he didn't get, the dog didn't get a medal in 1977 and people have been shitting blood over it.

Well, I mean, this whole movie is I'm the juggernaut bitch. I'm sorry. You're right. Every line of this movie. is I'm the juggernaut comma bitch. Yep. But yeah, see, he gets a medal. There is a lesbian kiss because we're trying to do something.

We're trying to do something somewhere. Quickly, but before, before, just quick, for five seconds, then end it. Yeah, and it's like the one lady

who you've seen as a rebellion. Like, like, like, Lay is like number three maybe or something. Yeah, yeah, she kisses somebody.

Rose is like, bye, everybody. I'll try to be more likable next time, I guess. Yeah, that'll teach me to be on social media. She fades like Ben and,

Leah. Yeah, it's best if she just became one with the Four. I'm with the Force now. It's such a cheesy. Has there ever been a good group hug? Like a group hug that's impactful. At the end of Return of the Jedi, it definitely is a little bit better than this. Yeah. It's sort of a group in brace.

Yeah, but this is like a three-pronged hug. It doesn't look good. Well, because it's a thing where Ray and Finn want to be hugging. Yes. And Po Dameron is there, fucking three's companying his way into this thing. Because he got the ice cold shoulder from Zuri and he's like, I need to get some kind of action here.

Exactly. Yeah, maybe see if I can get the devil's three way going on over here. It's New Year's Eve. He's got to kiss somebody. Well, if you get to be a diet, Ray, maybe we can be a polycule. A little triad possible. Get Jana in here. Maybe we got a real thing going on. Well, no, she's got to go off with Billy D. Williams. Let's find out about your family history, baby. God, heaven. Here's a sequel set up nobody asked for. And don't worry, it'll never happen. Exactly. So we get this, what I think to be a nice enough little epilogue of the Falcon returns to Tatooine. We go to the old Skywalker compound. No one's been on there for night, 30 years.

That's prime real estate. Somebody should buy that shit. It's very surprised no one's picked up this moisture farm property. I bet it's like, oh, that's the house. You know the crispy critters? Like the real estate is like bottomed out because of all the murders that happened. Isn't this where the old people were shot to death by stormtroopers like a hundred? Yes, unfortunately. I'm glad you brought it up. It is part of tattooing real estate law that we have to disclose when there's been a murder on the property.

I'll tell you, by the way, there is an Instagram account called Died in the House. Uh-huh. Really? It is a, it is a Instagram account that shows houses that are for sale where, for the most part, they are in states where you do not have to disclose horrific events and discloses those horrific events if you're looking for the house. Interesting. And it's a lot of fucking horrible murder. Every house in the planet's probably had a murder. Absolutely.

Or somebody dying on a toilet of some for it. Definitely. Toilet death, absolutely. But I do like, this is like, it's long covered in sand. So I think it is, like, kind of the haunted property. Like, all of the sand has come into, like, the kitchen area or whatever is here. What are you going to start moisture farming now? And so, like, you...

I think she's just going there specifically to bury the lightsabers. Well, you want to bury it in the place that Luke hated and a place Lai has never been to. That's very respectful. It's just thinking. You know how he spent his entire life. trying to get away from there. Yeah, just throw that shit there. But fucking, you know, Porg Hader 69

told you that would have been a cool way to end the movie. There you go. Pork Hater 69 got his way. Is the fucking, the first order is defeated, I get, or the final, whatever. Yeah, both orders. We haven't seen Corson at all. Is that Jedi Temple still intact? How about Luke Skywalker's lightsaber should be in a museum? Yeah. It does belong in a museum.

Right? First of all. What if you hear of Jones showed up? They read it's really right in the movie. Oh, dude. Marcus Brody needs me to get this to course on to put in the museum. You look awfully familiar. Of all of the threads that we didn't pick up from the first and or second movie, Rurman Mosquitana in the first movie is like,

oh, how I got your father's, how I got Luke Skywalker's lightsaber? That's a good story, but not for now. Oh, no. Not for never. Not for never, you'll know. Maybe for a 174-page novel, you'll write a comic. We'll see. Maybe it's out there already.

Comment below. She's got a yellow lightsaber. It's pretty cool looking. Yeah, I like this. And then this other rude old bitch. Why don't you mind your fucking business lady? Who the fuck are you? That's the murder house.

Show some respect. Good people die there. I'm Ray. Oh, yeah. Ray who? Ray shove it up your ass, you nosy old lady. But she looks off. She sees Luke and Leah's force goes.

Ray Skylarker. No, she's been looking around. Ray Sand. Ray. sand hole moisture farming equipment I'm Ray moisture farming equipment I'm Ray

Blue Milkington yeah it doesn't fit on most forms I'm sorry to say yeah I usually have to go over Ray twin sons Ray Palpatoon oh yes that's what I made myself doing a little comic strip for all my followers I was the Palpatoon

I live on that's what I was DJing I was DJ Palpatoon Oh, could you go To the other end of the bar Put a couple more credits In the old DJ Palpatoo I hope everybody likes Keshah

But yeah I mean Ray Skywalker fine And it's like, yeah Why is she there Otherwise to bury them in a place That they didn't belong And also why is BB8 there? He's not your droid

He's pose, motherfucker Crazy But that's the end of of the movie. She's looking out at the twin sons and that's the end of it. Hey. Oh, thank Jesus. It's a rough movie. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts.

Mr. Siska. Yeah, it's a no for me. You know, it's funny re-evaluating the entire sequel trilogy this month because we did Force Awakens on Patreon. Just finding all these different things about them and I thought, you know what? I bet you I bet you

I would like this better the more I see it. And that is not true so far not happening i i feel like i feel like i hated this more than i did in the theater this this i i just i just can't man it's it's it's it's movie by committee and it just doesn't work that's the biggest sin about it is it's too much shit happening at once that doesn't fit yep and that's that scriptwriting by committee doesn't work most of the time chris cabin no fuck you this fucking movie sucks i can't fucking stand it i like like ever i there's like even the positives i'm just like it's in a fucking ocean of shit.

I can't fucking, it's not, nothing is worth taking from this. It's just garbage in, garbage out. I do agree like, it's nice, like whatever you want to say about those prequels, there's clearly somebody behind the wheel.

Yeah. And I felt that from the beginning to the end. And I respect that part of it. This, it never feels like that. Yeah. Even in Force, and I like Force Awakens and I really like Last Jedi.

But it doesn't feel like anybody's behind the wheel in these, movies and I kind of miss that feeling. Even for the pauses, I think Johnson does a really great job on his own, but like, boy, howdy, was I missing that feeling? But yeah, this one specifically fuck it forever. Too many cooks. Steve said that. You're totally right. There needed to be

a strong authorial voice that carried all three of these movies together. Time does not heal all wounds. This has gotten worse since I've seen it. This is my third time watching it. I don't know if I'm going to ever go back. I honestly like when I rewatch, I actually in rewatching Force Awakens for Patreon, on patreon.com and

slash we had movies and rewatching Last Jedi to kind of get the feel for this again I will do that I will go back to those movies I just don't know if I'm ever going to go back here because I just there's nothing fun about this it's a slog you can tell everyone's kind of embarrassed too

like there's a lot of that that sigh that Oscar Isaac has is felt in a lot of characters in a lot of moments yeah so it's a no yeah it's a no for me too despite yes there, I think, being some action sequences that work. Sure. And to

say one thing, I said this on my letterbacks review, this movie was shot on film. I think for the most part, the vast majority of this movie looks very good. There is color here, there is contour, there is shadow work in all the right ways.

I can fucking see everything. I can follow it. When we're in a gosh darn cave, I can follow what's going on and we're not just turning all the lights off. So for whatever, it's shot by the same dude It did Force Awakens. So like, whatever, it does look very good. Otherwise, there's just not much here.

Big budget movie making by committee like this is a bad idea. And if anybody ever wants to question that, just sit them down and have them watch this movie. But that is going to do it for this episode on The Rise of Skywalker. But if you do want more We Hate Movies, including episodes, just like this very one, but absolutely 100% commercial free, head on over to the Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies.

Yes, we did talk about the Force Awakens at the top of the month on We Love Movies. We had that going on. We had a really rocking Melro 210 with Shannon Doherty coming back. Shannon Doherty's back and she's complaining to everybody, bringing everybody's mood down, which is great. And also in Melrose Place, we are entering cancer time, which of course is a jubilant time for everyone. Also, Mike Mancini being a good guy for once, who could think about it? You will see how long that lasts. Maybe an episode.

Last week also, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, which is May the 26th. But last week, we had a big week of shows. We had everything bookended by two episodes of Too Old for this shit, where one we were talking about Daredevil Born Again season two, the other one we were talking about Punisher, The Last Kill or the Final Kill or whatever. We haven't watched it yet. One of them kills with Bernthal back in the shirt and doing the whole thing. We had that going on.

So two episodes of Too Old for the shit came out last week. We also had a star, very Star Wars this month, very Star Wars animation damnation. Talked about Star Wars, Star Wars, Darth Mall Shadow Lord. Because you can't keep a fucking dead guy down. Apparently, he's got to, now he's doing crimes and shooting people and mech suits and stuff. It's kind of fun. I'll say this. I kept watching it.

I went on to the second episode. It's pretty cool. It's definitely better than this. We also had a fun gleepe glossary. That's right. We explored the world of Django Fet. What's he all about, mate? tune in and find out.

It turns out he's about mostly cloning. Yes. And making clones. Right, yes. Hey, wants my DNA. Yeah. Who wants it to me? There's a very fun segment about how we get his DNA.

That's right. You're going to love that part. And also last month now, it's far away, but we don't have a new one yet, so we'll just plug it. Scareddy Cats, our modern horror recap show, we were talking about the Pope's Exorcist, which is a lot of fun. And I haven't looked at the poll yet, but... I think Evil Dead Rises was winning?

Evil Dead Rise, I think, is what we will probably be talking about in July. But if you sign up now, you also get episodes of video and audio on Barbarian and 28 years later. That's right. So catch up with those installments now because the fourth one is coming out at the end of July. But again, like I said, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, which is the 26th May. This Thursday, we're capping off the month with a combo about Nexus, Star Trek, Nexus, of course, which reminds me, by the way, catch us in Vegas this August. We are going to be there doing three nights at STLV,

the biggest Stark Trek convention in the world, three nights of us doing the Nexus Live. Yes, we have a Las Vegas residency at the Rio, so come to it, please, I beg you. It's going to be really fun. Talking three nights, Trek, Rathcon, Generations, and First Contact. That's going to be a lot of fun. All that info is over on WHMpodcast.com.

But hey, next week, the show rolls on, and it's big time now. We're getting into the summer blockbuster extravaganza, Steve. what are we kicking things off with? Oh, get your stupid sword cup ready because we are talking about Masters of the Universe from the 80s how we previously had done this

in a live episode that's barely listenable to because of the audio quality. It's high past time to go back to the Dolph Lundgren averse and talk about it. I'm really excited to revisit this one. Yeah, now that's going to be a lot of it. I have not watched it since we did that show, whatever,

13 years ago. Yeah, like 13 years probably, yeah. Well, yeah, I have gone back to it for my secret podcast Langella cast. Hell yes. Where it was just Franklin Gella movies.

We did a good one on the box and this. We liked it very much. You've got to release some of those episodes for people. I will. One of these days.

I was a little embarrassed. I got to yawn. That Lolita one when his dick's flappers? Totally, dude. That fucking plane propeller going. It's awesome. I figured you like that one.

That's good eats. So until next week when we're talking about Courtney Cox yelling at Dolngren in a parking lot. I've been Andrew Jupping. Eric. Chris Cabin.

Take it easy. Thank you.