We Hate Movies - S16 Ep866: Masters of the Universe (1987) REDUX

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

“I feel like I could smell it through the TV” - Eric on GwildorThis week on the program, we’re kicking off the 2026 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza by talking about the toy/cartoon adaptation that was anything but a blockbuster, 1987’s Masters of the Universe! Could this Billy Barty character have been designed to look any more disgusting? Why did they insist on dragging James Tolkan through almost every scene of the movie? Is the Courteney Cox character actually trying to live out a Bruce Springsteen song? And why in the world is He-Man barely in this He-Man movie? PLUS: As promised, here’s the link to the Pig Boy video on YouTube!Masters of the Universestars Dolph Lundgren, Meg Foster, Billy Barty, Courteney Cox, Robert Duncan McNeill, Jon Cypher, Chelsea Field, James Tolkan, Christina Pickles, Tony Carroll, Pons Maar, Anthony De Longis, Robert Towers, and Frank Langella as Skeletor; directed by Gary Goddard.This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money! Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney dot com slash WHM! That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. And by Hims. Ready to reach your goals? Visit hims dot com slash WHM to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you.Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Set your cosmic key for Las Vegas. That's right. We 8 Movies is headed to Las Vegas, Nevada to do three live podcasts. We're celebrating 10 years of our Star Trek side show, The Nexus. On the 6th of August, we'll be talking about Star Trek 2, The Wrath of Khan. Friday, August 7th, Star Trek Generations, Saturday, August 8th. We'll be talking about First Contact, Star Trek First Contact. will be at the Rio in Las Vegas as part of the STLV.

That's the major Star Trek convention out there. But fret not, you do not need convention passes to attend. You could buy single tickets or you could buy a ticket to every show. Then you'll truly be the master of my universe. If you do that, if I see your face every night, I'm going to kiss it. So head on over to our website, www.w-hmpodcast.com slash tour for all information. This week on the program. The film we're talking about today gross less than $400 at the international box office.

It's Masters of the Universe. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadak. Eric Siska. Gil Slit, Chris Cabin. Oh, and we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning into the podcast as usual. That's right. We are kicking off the summer blockbuster extravaganza by talking about a canon film. It is Masters of the Universe from 1987. directed by known piece of shit or alleged piece of shit, accused piece of shit, Gary Goddard. One of them, yeah. He's got a lot of allegations. Laundry lists on that Wikipedia page.

You know where else there's a laundry list? The projects that he made after this that are not movies, he got into that fucking, like, filming shit for rides racket. Really? Really. This motherfucker writing and directing credits on things such as T23D. colon battle across time Jurassic Park the ride Star Trek colon the experience

dash the Klingon encounter Poseidon's Fury escape from the Lost City and here's here's the here's the here's the PSD Resistols. Hershey's really big 3D show the Hershey Highway he directed it. My God

those are big IPs. This guy's worked with all the greats. He's done Terminator. He's done Jurassic Park Star Trek. It is. That is Hollywood's of moving into a different parish. Yes. That's what you do. Absolutely. That's hilarious.

Oh, folks who have been following the program for a while, of course, might remember that we did this once ages and ages ago as part of a live show. I believe it was the People's Improv Theater. I believe so, I believe it was the 2014. Wow. So 12 years later, we come back to this to do it in studio because that was a not great recording of a live show, that's for sure.

They call it the pit for a reason, folks. And yeah, you know, I'll tell you what, I was pretty surprised on Leonardbucks. My last time around with those three stars, I was like, what were you fucking smoking? Fucking two tops, dude. Well, you know, I can see sort of this, it looks kind of nice. It does.

The opening narration is fun, right? At the center, Chris, at the center of the universe. Oh, God. At the border. between the light and the dark stands Castle Grey Skull. Of course. For countless ages, the sorceress of Grey Skull has kept

the universe in harmony, but the armies of darkness do not rest, Chris. Uh-huh. And they capture the and the capture of Grey Skull is evermost in their minds. Is there anything in there about the sorceress getting beetle-juiced? She is good. Yeah. Is that

actually, I mean, the thing about how it looks, the canon movies all look great. Like, it's, was such a special time. Even the shitty ones. Even the ones that are like, oh, no, a terrorist took over a plane. Oh, let's all scream about it. Oh, by the way, a terrorist taking over a plane is at least nine separate canon films.

I mean, it's a whole genre they had in this fucking thing. But still, they looked good. What sucks is the ripping off Superman like that. That is fucking incredible. Listen, Chris, just because the sorceress is just put the Kryptonian spaceship on her head as a costume. She does not mean that we're ripping off

Superman. Are you sure about that? Okay. The title sequence, right? Yeah, yes. The score sounds exactly the same. I like it. It was working for me. Like the rainbow effect. John Williams' light. Because wildly enough, the canon had also acquired Superman at this point. They were making

Quest for Peace at the same time. Oh, man. And if the Internet's to be believed, they were going to use the massive, in quotation marks, profits, both of those films to fund and create a Spider-Man motion picture, which absolutely did not have because both of those movies bombed. Well, yeah. That is, I love, that is, I mean, that is, I mean, that is Golan and Globus logic to a T.

Yes, we will make two kind of shitty movies and the power of that box office will allow us to make a Spider-Man picture. You will like it if you're high. If you're high, you will love it. Well, that's, basically, it's, that was me and my 20s. Like, well, okay, if I could, if I could. If I bring a peanut butter sandwich, I will probably be able to go to the bar this weekend. Oh, no, I overdraft fee yet again. Because I went to the bar too much.

The penant butter sandwich did not do its job. No. Dude. Yeah. A lot of fucking overdraft fees when making this movie. They stopped them at one point before they filmed the finale where it's He-Man and Skeletor fighting in Castle of Grayscull. Because they were like, we don't yet know the money situation. why don't you hold off for a little bit?

And like months went by and then it was like, okay, the check cleared, you may complete the picture. Keep it tight, Dolph. I just want you to make sure to keep it tight while we're on sabbatical here. Well, the ending is, I mean, we'll talk about it, but the ending

does, it wraps up real quick. Because the middle is so meandering. And also, I think, part of why everyone's a little bit more sour on this is like, the only way to watch this movie is on Tooby and you got to watch it on Tooby with all the commercials. And that turns an hour and 45 minutes into about 2.15 and now I'm just really tapping my foot. It is just, it was way too many inserts.

Like, I love Tooby. But when you got to watch Tooby for work and you're trying to like notate things and it's fucking garbage like this, boy, I was getting mad at Tooby. I don't need Jake from State Farm in my notes. You know what I mean? I've been told at least seven times watching that movie that for only like six times, and $98 a month, I can get a really awesome life insurance policy. Oh. My fucking funeral will be paid for.

Now back to the He-Man movie. What are we doing? It's good news. I do love the sorceress played by Christina Pickles, which is the name of a cartoon mouse. Does anybody know who this woman is? Was she on Rugrats? No, she would later go on to play Monica and Ross's mother on friends,

funny enough. Oh, okay. She was Courtney Cox? I think that's really hilarious that that worked out. that way. I'm, because that woman was like the mother from the jump, like I think even possibly first season and I wonder if it was like

because that's, the first season, you're probably filming it like late 93. It premieres in 94. I'd be like hey, you remember like a few years ago we made that he man movie? I don't think we had many scenes together. There was like the one, remember?

She's like, uh. You were really my mother, but you're kind of the mother of the movie. And, you know, you fill that role. Well, funny enough, the woman who plays Courtney Cox's dead mother in this movie left acting to become a psychologist and also bear Chris Pine. Oh, wow. Oh, really? Chris Prine's mom is the dead mother in this movie.

I had no idea. Yeah, very strange. Bless her. I like Pine. So this was like, you know, not Dolph's first movie, but this is like, you know, they were very concerned about his thick Swedish. accent and his command of the English language. But interesting contract stipulation, if IMDB is to be believed,

in his contract it was stated he had three chances to dub himself. And then after that, it was like, if you don't like his third try and technically fourth since we recorded him making the movie as well, then you can have someone else dub him. But he's got to fuck it up four times in a row. Oh, God. That's how these guys waste money, man.

Look at an agreement like that in a contract. That's Mr. Mitsulplick kind of shit. if you make me say my name backwards I gotta go back to my home planet I mean so is it him doing the voice then it is it wound up being him because they were like they weren't happy with it but they were also

like oops no more money well yeah that's that's the gamble that's betting on yourself and also betting on a failure at the bottom in terms of funding I want to be clear really quickly who here is anyone here a he man

fan because I am not specifically I think you know My older brother was more than I was, but I really just was not a big human guy. The toys are kind of cool. Skeletor looks cool. Like some of the designs of things look cool, but I had no idea there was even a sorceress.

Yes. No, I mean, because I didn't get in on the toys at all. Around this time, me and toys, it was like Ghostbusters and Ninja Turtles. I know this is, like, these toys were a little before that stuff, but not by a lot. And I certainly remember them like on the shelves, the Toys R Us and all that.

And just being like, not for me ghostbusters please i'm not sure if i was a big adventure guy back then like aside from indiana jones maybe uh i i it just it did it was as a genre it didn't pull me well it's it surprised it didn't get you eric because you're a big swords and sorcery yeah i yeah swords and sorcery i think it was a little too old fuddy dutty for my taste i thought you know a little dusty you know it's sort of like how i didn't fuck with johnny quest and those type of things either yes right right right uh i do like like, I do appreciate, like, starting with Skeletor right away.

Frank Langello's marching in in his bad Halloween costume besides the face. I think the face is cool. The rest of this, like, I'm sorry, like, Skeletor was a sexy spandex guy. I don't know what the fuck all these cloaks and shit are. I think it's hot as fuck, dude, choke me, Skeletor. Oh, yeah. Well, that's pretty cool. He's more goth in this one, I guess.

Big time. Those robe, the robes and stuff, that's for his orgy guy routines, you know? That's right. Flowing. If it wasn't Frank Glenn Gell under there, he could have convinced me with Cindy Pollock under there. I don't know. He does seem to be getting turned on

a mighty... When sorceress is being tortured, he seems to really be getting into it. He's getting more into it at the end of the movie when he managed being whipped by that dude's laser whip. Yes. And get on your knees, all this. I'm like, oh boy, you are really roaring. Bong-bong, bung.

Hey man you gotta go you gotta come in here she OD'd he man I don't know what to do What am I gonna do he man Oh that was the piano riff you were doing Yes it's bad I got I thought you were doing the melody from this stupid device in this movie No no no no no no no no no no no that was Sidney Poll Eyes wide shut piano score god there you go He's got all these dudes with them they all just look like cheap Darth Vader's these fucking assholes that are robots because Mattel was like

he man ain't doing no killing in your movie now and I'm like fuck you George Lucas you know I'm sure he had like he wanted to sue them but he knew he couldn't because he just ripped off the Vermox to begin with well also this is you're fucking George Lucas man you're gonna sue Golden and Globus for the he man movie like that's like picking on the fuck it it's like a varsity basketball team fucking on like little kids shooting hoops he would do it a hundred percent I think he probably thought about doing it but you know everybody knew at that point. You don't go to court with those guys. They will bleed you dry. They will wait. They got a lawyer who's going to keep you in there for years, decades. You're just going to be there like, oh, we found something new.

Actually, Mr. Lucas, did you not do this? And like, they will kill you in the course. So you're saying it's sort of like a force field that drains you of everything. Yes. All of it. Before the next full moon, you will be drained. Speaking of getting drained,

we got Meg Foster as evil Lynn? What a dumb name. I mean, I know it's a name for a toy, but this is a dumb name to talk to a fucking adult with. I want a good Lynn to show up and fight her. Well, this will be Allison Brie in the new motion picture coming

up there. Oh, she's in it playing evil Lynn. She is indeed. So, yeah, I mean, that's why I wanted to get it up off the top. We don't know shit about He-Man. We're going to get a lot of things wrong. We're doing this in advance of the He-Man movie. I know that there's a lot People love the He-Man lore, which I just could never possibly understand.

But if you plan on fucking yelling at four 40-year-old guys as you yourself, another 40-year-old guy about the He-Man facts, come on. I mean, I feel like the people that were probably a little older. When did the cartoon come out? That was 83 exactly or 80. Oh, really? Yeah. I think it's sort of the late Gen X kind of thing. Yeah.

Like my brother is exactly three years older than me, so he was more into it. than I was. You know what? Exactly. My brother-in-law is a fan in here. He's a couple years older than me. So that makes total. All right. So excuse me. 50-year-old guys yelling at 40-year-old guys about fucking he-man. Give me a break. Clash of the Titans. Also, yeah, the He-Man of the Masters of Universe cartoon, 83 to 85. John Irwin is the voice of He-Man.

Stuck it out. Oh, and Alan Oppenheimer as Man at Arms. We got, yeah, Sorcererists is in a tube. She's being drained by Skeletor and like, because I mean, apparently Skeletor seems deleted has conquered the Castle Grey Sculpt. I like this. I like this screenwriting maneuver here

for the Masters of Universe movie. You drop us into this shit in Media Res, man. Things are happening right now. And it doesn't matter. It's like Castle Grey Skel has been taken. I think that's kind of a nice approach for this as opposed to whatever the preview for this new movie where it's more the Prince Adam thing

and I've been hiding on earth and all that. whatever. I like this he's like he man's just like this barbarian dude fighting a fucking skeleton man in a cloak. Yeah no I get I get that yeah having the castle already taken is kind of cool just to get us going somewhere but unfortunately where we're going

is is nowhere the chibirbia. I would have loved to see some fighting I kind of think this like it's a little too much of and I love the man but a lot of Franklin Gella like speech are fine like just going at it for a while here and I got a little tired of it. That is exactly right.

The action choreography is terrible in this movie. Dreadful. It's either just people shooting at each other for an hour and a half. Well, that's what Star Wars did. So you do it that way. Yeah, but there's ways to do that. There's ways to do that. Or clinking swords against each other without any kind of anyone getting the upper hang on.

Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. I mean, because the biggest difference is Star Wars is a better edited film. Well, sure. You know, I mean, you can follow this, but it's just very simple. it's very slow we're very slowly swinging these big fake swords by the way i don't know why we couldn't speed this up at all dollf no it's really like kid play kind of not uh not that good looking here also langela this costume one last note on it there is a cod piece doesn't get a lot of play but at the beginning you can totally see he's got a cod piece on this thing there's the full there's the problem with the editing

too is i didn't get to see the fucking cod piece i need to get a zoom in on that sucker it's maybe That's part of his problem. His card piece doesn't get a lot of play, so he's angry all the time. Uh-huh. And he's not doing a Skeletor voice. He's doing more. I'm a skeleton man,

kind of a thing, which is kind of fun. Yeah, I'm into it. He's very game. Credit to Franklin Gella, definitely wanted to clear this check. Of course,

he's like, oh, my son loved it. I'm sure he did, but you love money more than that. Oh, my kid loved it, man. That's never been true. There's always a driveway to be paved. You got to do the outside of the house, get the new fucking siding on there.

It's never been my little kid wanted me to do it. Kids love money, though, right? It goes, buy me this. Buy me that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Franklin Geller, that is bullshit. We at the Skeleton League know that the true Skeletor sounds like us. This is skeleton erasure, and we will not stand for it.

We can tell that there's flesh under that makeup. Oh, really? You couldn't find a real skeleton actor to do this role? I can give you 200 of them. Benjamin Franklin could have done a better job. He also is a skeleton. I cannot believe this. Did you see this? This guy is really, he's seriously doing bone face in this movie. It's disgusting. You're not doing Shakespeare. I'm sorry. You're doing He-Man. Sound like Skeletor. Truly, 1987 doing bone face. Unbelievable. I'd expect this crap from Warner Brothers, but not the respected people at Canon Films. This is outrageous.

Tomorrow we march. Also, fun fact, Benjamin Franklin, history is only fat skeleton. He was actually big boned. He was the only one. Bones like a tyrannosaur, that Benjamin Franklin. Oh, okay, I'll do you one better. Actually, Lawrence Olivier to be in this movie because he is now a skeleton. Lawrence, come up here.

Lawrence, come talk to them. Hello. I'm Lawrence Olivier. You might remember all those times I did Shakespeare. I can certainly do Masters of the Universe. And I don't sound like a dickhead, Frank. Hey, Frank Langella, did they name an acting award after you? I don't think so.

safe. Frank Langela, it won't be if you dress like a skeleton. Remember that time I played the Nazi dentist? But he's doing more like this kind of a he, man, I'll get you. But again, like he is to this movie's credit, the makeup

looks pretty good and he is pretty good in it. It's just the problem is, and I get it because it's a budgetary thing. You've got to move this to Earth at some point because you're not going to have all these sets and fun exciting things to do. But it's just like the movie stops dead once we get to Earth and it doesn't really pick back up again until we've run out of money.

The funny thing is like you're you're totally right. Like we got to move it to Earth for budgetary things. But then like once they're there, it's mainly hanging out in this music store that gets wrecked for a third of the movie. It becomes the James Tolkien show more than anything in the world, which is fine, but pretty much too much James Tolkien. You know what? He just passed and I don't want to besmirch him.

too much, but there's too much James Tolkien in this movie. Because it's kind of him just doing the same thing repeatedly. Yes. Like it's funny the first time when he's like, Jesus Christ, is this shit real? But then like, that's all he's doing the whole time. Is Jesus Christ is the shit real

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Tell them who sent you. So anyway, so we got Skeletor. He's like, listen up. I'm the new ruler of attorney. Activate the hollow sphere, which is like the public address system. And I'm going to tell you, he announces like, I'm taking over. because again, you know, vague ultimate power, want to rule the universe or whatever. And this is the funniest, like, he's giving this whole address.

And then we see, like, He-Man, they shoot Dolph, like, from behind. And he turns around. It's the big He-man reveal. He was Dolngren. Oh, look at him. Big, real-life He-man. He just goes. And it's like, because it's supposed to be a sigh of, like, the battle continues.

Yeah. But it's more like, I'm already tired of making this movie. somehow skeletor returned maybe that was the day they let Stallone on set and Longgren clearly overheard that bullshit about like

you're really going to let this guy talk you're going to be on screen you're going to let this me the best voiced man on earth can tell you that you shouldn't shouldn't let that guy talk heaven forbid so now the whole thing

is he wants to round up all these attorneys that are loyal to the cause or whatever. So you see like Dahl fighting these guys and yeah, just we already talked about it but the bad slow choreography but he runs into two of his best buds in the whole world. The father's son

or father-daughter duo of a man at arms and Tila. creepy. I'm just fighting with your dad. Yeah, going into battle with your dad. And she's like a vague love interest for He-Man, it seems like this Tila.

It's one-sided. It's all. her. She just has a crush on him. She doesn't get a shit. No, not at all. It is kind of funny, though, that he's like, he doesn't, you know, sweep Tila off her feet or doesn't have anything about like, well, sorry, Courtney Cox. Actually, my comrade Tila

and I have been engaged to be made. Like, there's not that, but then also, like, he doesn't go after Courtney Cox's hand in any real way. So it's like, what are we doing here? I thought he was going to get Kevin out of there. Yeah, maybe. Exactly. Or Kevin gets killed, and then it's like, I'm sorry about your boyfriend, but here I am.

Well, I mean, she's very barely 17 in this move or barely 18 this week. I'm very glad that doesn't happen. But it is, there's that moment when, like, Tila meets Courtney Cox after He-Man saves her. And she's like, oh, man, I got pretty busy over this. It seems like it. And I'm like, oh, or whatever, you know, like that kind of man. Yeah, totally. I would like to think he's got too much respect for Man at Arms to be doing that shit.

Especially out in the battlefield for crying out loud. My God, He-Man, we've fought and nearly died together for decades, and this is the first I learned that you're sweet on my daughter, Tila. I heard you guys did hand stuff after the battle of Graysco. She was just helping me put my sword back in my sheath. Relax. Over and over again for four and a half minutes until it exploded. It was my meat sword, yeah.

You told your dad about the meat sword? Why did you do that? about that. How did the father find out about the handoff? By the way, it's just me and you. I think this is the best fight in the movie when Dolph just the first fight. When he kicks one of these, these stormtrooper-esque guys.

He throws a knife into one. He uses a sword on one. He shoots a few. Best part of the movie right here and it's over. The whole like, he's holding the long barrel gun with one hand and then the sword in the other. It's a weird look. I prefer when he gets down to like the shorter blaster later in the movie.

Because it's like you got two like long things you're trying to manage and fight with at the same time. It's very weird looking. Yeah. He's got these big rifles or whatever. But so Tila is like, hey, you know, it's fucking crazy that Skeletor and his dudes like got in here and totally fucked us like this. They used a special doorway or something possibly. Like someone here ratted us out. Like we got a leak in the system.

What's going on? We meet this. this character Gwildor Disgusting Played by Billy Barty He's in there somewhere Nothing against Billy Barty But you know

This character smells like shit Well he's he's clearly the Gizmo To the Gremlins of Ernest Scared Stupid Troll Oh wow You're totally right That's weird but accurate

He's the nice one And he's like out there He's got the key to the universe It turns out this little fucking monster Disgusting. He looks like this. He looks like a diseased lepricon. I really hate this thing. He's very Brian Usenified. He looks like an asshole mid-shunt. And he's like, hey, how's it? It's because one of his eyes is closed for most of it. That is the one that really, I'm like, oh, okay, no. And he is kind of a stand-in or a replacement because they couldn't do Orko, who's the classic little guy with the hat that floats around. It looks like a little wizard. constantly floating is the idea.

You're not going to pay for that. But you could have just had put Billy Barty in that regular red hat, darkened his face, and now we've got Orko, and I don't have to look at whatever these gillshit is. Wait a second. Wait a second. Darkened his face. No, darkened his face in silhouette, not in a... Oh, I see.

All right. Oh, why did you just do a skeleton face then? How about Orko walks in this movie? That's what I mean. How about he has a face in this movie? A little spaceship. that Orko is sitting in and he's floating around in that.

How about that? You know why you don't do that? Because all these years later, some fucking 50-year-old guys yelling about how Orko had feet in the movie. Well, yeah. But you're dead by then. You don't really care.

Honestly, if the fan communities we have today, like Reddit and all these other places existed, then, I think we would have had like terrorist bombings over this movie. Fans that were not happy with how it turned out. Why do I need to look at fucking? some teenage girl to the fucking he man

I'm jerking off right now exactly one hand on my crank the other hand on the keyboard dude it's just but he's disgusting like there's I understand you couldn't do you couldn't do the the makeup and whatever

sure but he's just disgust like the character design like oh it's Billy Barty cool you know but he's disgusting like it could be what if he just painted him green Billy Barty's green in this one oh he's spooky scary grilled

door. He's wearing, he's got orange hair or some kind of fun hair color. He's got orange hair here and I don't like it. What are we going to do with these gillslets? If you don't, if you don't, like, how are you going to blow snot out of the gillslets? Dude, that water that comes out of him and goes on to the Unmanor Warren

Tila and it's like, that was inside of that thing. Yeah, yeah. That was. It's double dirty water. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, man, at arms, I got a little cum in there too. I was going to say, probably. Tila takes a fucking load on the chest in this movie, okay?

And Man of War is like, you got a little in my beard there, buddy. There are diseases that only live in glaciers in that fucking thing. They're all up in your mouth now, friend. We meet him in his little hovel. They're like, oh, we think you

rat it on us. They're about to fucking cut this little guy's throat. They're ready to kill him, which is kind of great. And he's like, no, no, I was, an evil woman tricked me, which means, oh, it was evil in. And now my question is, Did Meg Foster as evil and fuck this guy? Like, is that how it worked?

Like, you know what I mean? Maybe. He was like cum drunk, she stole the cosmic key. But here's the thing. It's not what you're thinking. It's not what you're hoping for a situation like this in where an evil witch that looks like Meg Foster comes to trick you with sexual deeds, right?

Because what she did, as we see her do later in the film, she turns herself into Courtney Cox's dead mother for a moment. Sure. She turned herself into like a lady Gwildor. So it wasn't a sexy Meg Foster with those piercing eyes and everything. It was just another disgusting fucking lump of whatever they hell. Like, you-hoo. A drooling pile of pus.

Yes. Yeah. Like a fucking, a gross thing from a fucking mucus commercial, like a eucinex commercial. The gremlin with the googly eye essentially is with what I imagine the female version of this is. With a bow in her hair. Yeah, yeah. That's how you tell. That's nice.

They have a marathon fuck session, right? Grilled door is just like, oh, fuck, babe, that was amazing. She's like, lover, you want a glass of fucking attorney in wines? Yeah, I got the wine over there. No, don't go that way. That's where the cosmic key is. No, the wine is back that way. Oh, is this where the glasses are?

No, that's the cosmic key. Hey, babe, where you come back, I'm going to blow my slit all over you. Oh, good night. What the fuck? In the Grilled Door community, the slit licking goes the other way. Yeah, of course. Yeah, you're a slut for my slit. Oh, God.

Oh, I hate everything. It's so disgusting. Babe, babe, no, you're not looking. The bathroom is that way. The only thing over there is the cosmic key. What are you doing, babe? That's not what the bathroom is. Listen, lover.

How fucking stupid are you that you haven't caught on to what I'm doing yet. I'm taking this cosmic key and mighta remind you, you're naked and tied to this bed so there's nothing you can do. All right, my safe word, it's Tila, Tila, Tila. When we did get

to his hovel originally and he opens the door, he has this boomer line about, I remember the days when we didn't have to lock our doors. Yeah. I guess that's to, you know, for the uncle of the audience. For the uncle who had to bring you to this piece of shit. Sad

uncle. Because he's like, I remember the old days when he'd have to lock our doors. Man, we'll get back to that day someday. This weird, like, yeah, wistful boomer shit. It'll be funny if the fucking uncle in the audience is looking at this disgusting thing, say the exact same sentence he said like two days ago.

And he's like, wait a minute. Is that thing supposed to be like me? Oh, man. Wait a second. Do I have mud in my slits? And how do I blow them? Speaking of this dude's smelling like shit, this apartment, disgusting, top to bottom. I'm surprised all the fucking humanoids don't start like gagging on the smell when they walk into this place. Hobbit vomit, dude.

It's very more Star Wars coated. It's like, you know, like fucking, it's a desert kind of theme. We go into a cool space door, you know what I mean? Like Yoda could walk in here conceivably. It'd be a nice apartment for Yoda kind of. Oh, yeah. Smells like shit this does. Unkept monster.

Sir Grilledor is. Sex has happened days ago it has. Slot for your slit, I am. Change the sheets you have not. It's still wet it is. So he's, you know, whatever. This fucking cosmic key can open a doorway at any doorway anywhere, any time, any fucking dimension,

any easy-ass screenwriting trick you want to do, baby, it's right here. And that'll get us right into the throne room in Castle Gray Skull so we can save the sorceress, which is kind of what they do here. Exactly. They use the... Yeah, very poorly, by the way.

It's not really a thought-out plan. It's like, I don't know, we'll go in there and just win the day, I suppose. Really half-assed this he-man and his, like, tactical ability here. I don't know, like, is he supposed to be... Like, is he just some guy in this movie, or is he an actual, like, warrior, you know? Let's just feel the vibes, you know? Just follow the vibes, I think, is what we should be doing, because if we make a plan, I mean, God.

God's going to laugh at us, right? I mean, if we do shit like that. It's He-Man, okay? I'm not asking for directions for how the movie should go. I'm just doing it. Just chaos. Yeah, I'm He-Man from a fucking weird planet. But, yeah, sure, I believe in the Judeo-Christian idea of what God can be.

Yeah, absolutely. That makes a total sense. It's a different guy. And so, like, He-Man, he-man very much pushing the Batman and Joker relationship. He's like, come on, Skeletor, this whole time I've just been telling you that it is me and you. We are a dyad in the force. I mean, I don't know.

We're just like lifetime enemies. He has a cool line Skeletor does. I don't know if it's here or later. He's like, tell me, he, man. Tell me about the loneliness of good. Is it similar to the loneliness of evil? And I'm like, that's pretty cool, dude. It's not a bad line.

And if the IMDB is to be believed, that was Frank Langela, wrote that line himself. It's not Shakespeare, you dickhead! God damn it! Just speak like Skeletor! If there was no Frank Langella in this, like, there'd be nothing here. No, there's nothing to look at with that. He's holding this all up himself. It would be all slits, if not for Frank. Well, maybe I want it then.

Yes, we are planning on releasing the all slits cut to be soon. No way. Finally. The Reddit, the He-Man Reddit will go fucking ape shit. Finally, they get it. Yes, but we're only going to release it in Estonia, Croatia, and parts of Bulgaria. The only places where it will be legal. He has a quick thing with the sorceress, and she's getting older already.

It's like, you know, he, man, like, I have till the next full moon. It's all about you. And, like, they don't, he never expected the resistance, I understand. He's just like, oh, shit, other guys, got to get out of here. Really bad with the planning ahead. is he man. Right. So now the place is under siege, right? They know where they are. These troopers are drilling in there. And we see this goblin man, Crag, who looks like a grandmother. Yes. Yeah. Kind of grandma. Kind of grandma. I believe he's one of the few things that was made

just for the movie. Really? It wasn't for me. Yeah. He looks like a critter. Hobgoblins. He looks like very hobgoblin. Yeah. I had the thought of he looks like a critter, though. Like, critter with like, with a man's body, which is a disgusting idea. Critter crossover with Teenage Mutinyin Ninja Turtles, they got the ooze. And then that guy, like, Craig is like a critter person, yes. I got to say critter, critter with the man's body, I'd let it get into my slit. Your slit, huh? Yeah.

Slit gills, yeah, of course. Oh, the slith. Yes, I see. Like Gildor. So it's like, we got to get out of here. like real door, just make a pathway to anywhere. Like anywhere, like, you know, come on, no. He's desperate.

He's desperate, Steve. This movie's got to move. We're fucking, we've been here for too long. God damn it. And this scene especially, it's one of the, a couple times this happens in this movie where like multiple parties are interested in He-Man for one reason or another. And it feels like sometimes a scene is playing where like five out of the six people in the scene are screaming He-Man.

repeatedly. And this is one of them. Like everyone keeps saying he man around here for different reasons. And I was like, please walk through this portal and end this. Well, I guess that's the thing is that this is the first time at least in my memory where the

heroes, like his impulse, his, the thing that he wants to do is as like non-existent as like a villain. Like the villain being, I just want to take over the world. I just want to save the world. Like, yes. But that's it. Like, that's all he's there to do. Like, there's nothing else. Like, you know,

He Man's father being like, someday you will be a great warrior once you do this, that, and the other thing, he man. A football coach. Make him a, I don't care. Just do something. Like, when you start the movie, Castle Graskel's already been taken. And when we see that shot of Dolph, you know, instead

maybe he's walking amongst the dead or the victims of this conquest that Skeletor has gone through. Because that's even like, you know, my people, I need to save my people from It's not even really that at all. I think vaguely it's like, oh, no, I love the sorceress so much, but it's not enough. It needs to be like, he needs to say like, she's like a mother to me.

That's it. That's all I need. I need the sorceress to be my sex mom. That would be fine. The laundress, the laundry's piling up. Where are my white monster energy drinks, huh? Where'd it go? I'm all empty in here.

Looking for a sex mom, baby. Seabed. Gonna have a sex bomb baby tonight. Hey, sorceress, did you stop off and get the Velveeta before you came home? You got to do that laundry and then we're going to have sex. Oh, P.B. and J. The crust cut off and sexual intercourse. Sex bomb territory. Sorcerous, what is this impossible

burger shit? I told you to get good burgers, good frozen beef burgers. Non-organic. That's what I said. Go back out and get another one. In the meantime, I'll be watching cartoons. Sorcerous, how many times do I have to tell you when it comes to frozen burgers? Nobody does burgers better than a Bubba. Get back out there and get me a Bubba burger. Look at me.

Do I look plant-based? Just look at this. Does this look plant-based to you, babe? Actually, I think, aren't they all supposed to be, like, vegetarian? That's what we learn, yes. Yeah. For more killer sex bomb content, listen to Melro 210 on the Patreon. dot com slash we hate movies feed.

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So there's the one that the bad guys have and the one that the good guys have. And it's a really ridiculous, like, we all go through the portal. Uh-oh, the key got dropped. And then, like, it happens twice in this movie. The whole, like, we're throwing the grappling hook to get the thing. Yes, yeah. And we're pulling it through the portal. And I love Skeletor right here getting freaked out.

And he's like, you have to get at all the frequencies and monitor them. Once they use the cosmic key, we'll know where they are. And then there's a great, find them. And he's just looking right at the cameras and find them. Kind of rocks. Yeah, this is the, we land in the pond. We get some disgusting, this is the gill. Oh, it's in my gill slits.

And it sprays on everybody. It's the grossest thing anyone's ever seen. Oh, hit me in the face. Willdor do it. It's like I'm gagging watching this. I feel like I could smell it through the TV. Yep. I can't believe it. Babe, look, my brother was here the other

week. That's why the porn hub slit channel tab was open on my computer. Brad was here last weekend. We were having some beers and he just, you know, he was gone in the bathroom for a long time. I think he came in here. Babe, you know

how it always starts, right? He's always like, you know what's hilarious gill slit porn? And he keeps talking about how hilarious it is. And then it's like, it's so funny. You got to watch this one clip I found. It's hilarious. And then he's just in the bathroom, watching it alone, babe. It happens every time.

And then meanwhile, he's in the bathroom, and I'm just thinking, looking for some gillslitz, baby, this evening. Looking for some gillslitz, baby, do not. Well, he is, he was stuck in the mud, and they have to help him. And then he exploded. As if this thing couldn't get any more disgusting. though he's like ass up face down in this mud puddle

I was like let him suffocate fuck it and I think basically it's like oh man I don't even know if we know where he man is at this point or he man shows up but it's like we got to find the cosmic key we cut to Courtney Cox all of a sudden and the rib shack right that's pretty much here

Rob rob robies but I just I have to point out something here because it's around this time whatever the so the whole thing about like oh we have to get back to Castle Grey's skull before moon rise. And then Man at Arms gives this fictitional, fictional, fictitious, whatever I'm trying to say.

He gives a fake fucking unit of time measurement. And when you give units of time in screenplays, it's to put a clock on the movie. It sets up for the viewer's mind, okay, they have to do this by this point. We don't understand what these time increments are. So any kind of set clock is completely unsuccessful in this movie. The time could be, they have six years.

I don't fucking know. That's the thing. Is it movements of the moon? Is that a full moon? Is that what you mean? Or is it the nightfall? Like, what are we getting at? Also, it doesn't matter because we come to find the cosmic key can transport you through time as well. So you could just go back before the moonrise anyway. Hong Kong, plot hole.

No, I mean, I think much like Gwendole, it's a way of torturing the audience a little bit. You don't want them all to be just pleasant the whole time. You want to have a little fun for yourself and you know, you blow the slits, you do this. Well, you're right, actually, because if you can't tell how much time is left in the movie, you are just sitting there like, when will this end? Yes, yes. And you're furious about it.

But yes, we go to Robbie's Ribs and Kitchen. And I love this. Ribs and chicken, by the way. Oh, ribs and chicken. Ribs and chicken, which is very interesting because we'll come to see the bucket of chicken has also got ribs in it. That's an interesting combo. You get chicken and ribs in the same.

same bucket pretty good. Later, this dude is just shoving this thing in the microwave bucket and all. And I'm like, dude, get a plate. It's no surprise. I mean, like, yes, I know Scalotaur somehow explodes the microwave on purpose. But that would have happened anyway. Sure. Well, you got plastic in there. I think

that's a plastic bucket too. Yeah. Oh, really? If it's not fully melting, it's at least enough that like your food tastes fucked up. You know what I mean? I just, I don't think, I think Robbie's given up. I mean, Ribs and chicken Like you're getting like

Why if you don't want barbecue on your fried chicken Like Blathered all over it Not a mandatory thing It's like when you go to fucking Burger King Yeah And you can get the mix and match And they give you fries and onion rings

I'm sure they probably also have a There's probably an okay burger there as well You could probably get an okay burger I would steer clear of the lump jumbo crab It's just not very good Any fish fucking products at this place Absolutely not yeah Robbie's known for the ribs and chicken

not so much the fish fry, you know what I'm saying? 45 cents for a cup of coffee. Wow. Wow, not too shabby. What do you think about that, millennials? Kevin O'Leary just got excited about that, finally. God, I hate that guy. So, Courtney Cox, Julie.

She is leaving town tonight, which we find out only later, it's like pretty much California, it seems. Or like, you know, maybe a Bakersfield kind of situation. I don't know. Something like that. Not particularly close. to the ocean, but possibly still in the state of California.

Did they say Jersey or something? She's going to Jersey. And she says 3,000 miles, so she's on the other side of the country. Yeah. It is kind of funny that she was in the Dancing in the Dark video, and this character is pretty much starting a Bruce Springsteen song right here. Go on a jersey tonight because my parents are dead. What's crazy about this movie is you'd think that your female star here,

your character would grow in some way. No, she regresses. Here at the start, she's like, I'm going to leave this fucking podunk town. I'm going to break up with my boyfriend I've had since the seventh fucking grade. And everyone's like, no, why would you do that? And then the end of the movie, it's like, why would you do that? Look how great Kevin is. And look your mom's back.

Well, I mean, Eric, she saw the world outside of her little town and it was scary and almost killed her. So she, you know, she learns a lesson in her. Don't go anywhere. I guess if I saw a little monster spewing his slit out, I would probably stay home too. Well, exactly. It's the first time in her life. She has any thought whatsoever of leaving.

She's got the bus that's going to take her to the airport. The tickets are purchased. And look what happened. Fucking aliens invaded. And I mean, like, this is the big problem. Not the big problem with the movie, but a big problem with the movie is, Courtney Cox is a fun actress. You know what I mean?

Like, especially like, you know, plucky young Courtney Cox. She can hold the screen clearly here. Sure. And it's very much like a thing where, like, you see this character. Like, I got to get out of this town. Oh, she's got to. to get wrapped up at the He Man Adventure. And like, maybe she will or won't be a love interest,

but she'll definitely be like part of it. Maybe she's like a secret attorney of princess. Who the fuck knows? But this movie forget. And they give her this whole backstory about her. Dead parents and oh my God, all this shit. And the movie forgets about her for like half hours at a time. Yes.

Yeah. No, it's pretty wild that you, because like this movie should end. Not with James Tolkien staying behind an attorney, but like this character now she's, yeah, it should be the. you didn't know what your birthright is. You're the princess of attorney and he men will serve at your

pleasure and whatever the hell. Because that's something. You know what I mean? That's at least anything. This is like she gets a fucking gross leg infection and has to sit on the sidelines. The movie just is drunk and forgets about her and is like, no, the boyfriend's pretty wasn't it the boy? Which one was the guy? It's the boyfriend, right? We talk about the boyfriend

a lot, so we got to follow the boyfriend. That's the problem. If they had forgotten her and Kevin, I'd be happy. because then we're watching a He-Man movie, which is what I came here to do. But it turns out I'm watching the Kevin and Julie love story that I didn't know I needed in my fucking life. And the fate of Charlie's fucking music store. Well, dude, I got to tell you, Charlie is the most sympathetic dude for me in this movie because that guy's life is ruined for no reason. He's got a pretty sick music store.

So she goes, her friend is like, you can't fucking dump Kevin. He's the best guy in this town. She's like, I'm trying to leave this town actually. but then she meets up with Kevin and it's like this thing where it's like there's a battle of the bands tonight and she's gonna stay only to sound check and then fucking fuck off

where does where does she meet the boyfriend at the grave of her parents where she then proclaims it's my fault they died yeah well she he picks her up at work and she's like like whatever it is I'm flying out tonight

I'm getting the bus at this time to get to the airport and he's like oh good So you can make my sound check. And she's like, uh-huh. And then he's like, where do you want to go now? And she's like, I'd like to stop off to the cemetery to stay goodbye to my parents. But look, she. Break up with this guy sucks.

Kevin sucks. Well, no, he, it's, this is the ticking clock. Like, he is aware that this is it. Like, they are breaking up. Like, because he has some line right here. And she's like, basically like, we talked about this. Like, I'm leaving and we're, we're done after tonight. You need to understand this dude in this battle of the bands where like,

I'm sorry Robert Duncan McNeil Like where's the rest of your band Dude you're doing the sound check by Yourself come on Golan and Globo's let's get some extras here I think he just might be keyboard guy you know what I mean Just doing keyboard sounds you know what I mean Which is fine but you don't do a sound check and shifts The whole fucking band should be there

No I mean I think it's just a solo act It's just all the other instruments around Oh but I do Shouldn't there be anyone there Shouldn't there be a sound guy Yeah somebody Well there's that old janitor that gets almost beaten to death.

Well, who seems to be unrelated to the events of the sound check. He's just in another room doing his own thing. Oh, that guy over there, he's unrelated to the events of the sound check. I don't know what he's doing. Oh, my God. Yeah, so we go to, oh, before we get to the cemetery, it is the fucking, this gross little guy, Gwildor steals a bucket of food out of this car and they'll start gnoshing on it.

And this thing, this thing's getting. barbecue sauce in his fucking gimley beard here and I don't care for it. Oh, and you know that's not getting washed out, by the way. That is not a thought that goes into Wildor's head. That is going to be there until the end of the movie. The lip smacking noises are absolutely repulsive. It's just bad.

It's just, I almost puked watching this. And then it's like, oh, what is this thing that the food wrapped around and he's like it's a rib bone says man at arms and they're like this was a mammal man in arms like he is he's like you know he man's like older friend and like teela's father the only thing we get is he's kind of like hungry sometimes like that's his character trait it's great great writing makes sense he needs protein come on but his ability to be like ah you know this is a bone he's eating human meat before on eternity in some fucking battle somebody that's

happened to orco he's like oh pass me some more orco please but our attorneys actually human I know they resemble humans maybe there's something slightly different about their anatomy maybe if you breed with one and a human you make like a donkey type of yeah that makes sense yeah I think they're humanoid as I would guess yeah right but I don't know that they have like relatives from earth but would you go insane like if I ate an attorney would I go mad like I would with if I ate a human you'd go you'd go mad for the spicy flavor, I would love it, right? I'd open

my Eric's ribs and attorney and rated by the FBI on our first, on our grand opening. I'll take a human a couple of sides

orco fries. Delicious. Some arms of man at arms. Thanks. Oh, now we're thinking. Now is this going to make me immortal if I eat this? Is that Is that how this works? The Orko burger? Oh, sorry, could you go back?

I forgot to ask. Could you put cheese on my tealotts? Thank you. Yes, there is. Meanwhile, back at the only set we decided to build the throne room on a turn in Castle Gray's Skull. Yes. Skeletor is like, you know, they use, Kevin finds the stupid thing in the graveyard and starts using it. Yes.

And it's like, oh, if I'm going to use that. Let Skeletor know they are. He dispatches his, what he called there, his henchmen. Assemble the mercenaries, which is great. Kevin is convinced the Cosmic Key is a Japanese synthesizer. Oh, that joke gets funnier every time we say it. Dude, well, it's 1987, man. I mean, that's just what jokes were back then sometimes.

But here comes the critter guy. What's his name? Corgo or? So, let's see. I wrote them all down here, the best assassins here. So we got Blade, who is some bald guy. Yes. Saurad, which is a snake guy.

Yes. Then you got the Beast Man. That's self-explanatory. He's like the werewolf dude. And then Karg is our white-haired lizard guy. Yes. And this is just the Vader scene in Empire Strikes Back with the bounty hunters. Oh, easy.

And I think all three of them except for Karg were all big. Like Beast Man's a very big. You can't have Humane without Beast Man as I understand it Like he's like that right Is that true? Is it like

Skeletor's number two or three Yeah exactly Really? Because that was the one I was like Oh they fucked that up They really I don't know about him

Maybe maybe send him back I don't know Like that looks like A street fighter character In a way Yeah Like Blanca's uncle Kind of a deal

Maybe I don't know I didn't work for me Uncle Clonka Yeah And Corg who's the fake one Or the one made up For the movie

Is like the leaders I will do it for you, you know, just go and get them and kill everyone except he, man, bring him back alive, etc. They get a whole battalion of robot things. How do they, how do you, I mean, literally, how do you fuck this up? By being buffoons.

I mean, that's what they give you here. Because like, I, Clark is the one I like the most, because he looks like a singer for a goth band. So it makes sense that he's with Skeletor. I get that. So, like, I was kind of going for it. But at the minute that Soron fails, essentially, they're like, let's go back.

home for a little bit. Let's go check in with Skeletor before we finish our fucking mission. And that's classic mistake. I believe that is when Saurad, the snake guy, gets fucking assassinated by Skeletor. Salad's pretty cool. I like that dude.

It was like a lizard guy. Big fan of a lizard guy. A lizard in a helmet. Sign me up. Very G. G.I. Joe, a lizard in a helmet. Yeah. Until we figured it out, that's who I thought

Pigboy would. And I had to... Because the mask is kind of similar. All right. So you guys have been texting. all day about Pig Boy. I need to know what this is. Well, we're not at his cameo yet.

We'll get to the cameo. We'll tease it out. Yeah. Coming up. Pig boy. Stay tuned. Because it is, it's a wild story that I feel like maybe has some dark twists and turns that we're

not aware of. For sure. But so they go down to Earth and like basically what do you call it? Charlie and Courtney Cox go to the sound check where nobody is

this Amanda Kevin yeah Kevin Kevin and Julie go to the sound check where nobody is and like she is like so she's so over this guy because he's like man I can't wait to show this cool synthesizer to Charlie the music guy

and she's like you know why don't you go do that now and I'll just say goodbye to the school why don't you get the fuck out of here if you're Kevin Corrigan in this moment which by the way, the full character name is Kevin Corrigan, just like the actor, which is very great actor. But you got to be like, oh, that's a really terrible line. You must definitely not want to go to this music store with me, right? Because it's, I just want to say goodbye to the school. And also, okay, I get it. Your fucking parents died in this plane crash. You're trying to live this Bruce

Springs scene song on your way out of town. But like, what's the rush? Like, why is she skipping graduation? Like, there should be another part of whatever is meeting her in. New Jersey, which is very funny. Why not? Yeah, exactly. Why do you, I mean, I live in New Jersey, but why would you, if you're doing the cross country, live in your dream? Why New Jersey and not New York, if that's the case? Exactly. Like, I got a, I got a fucking aunt and uncle that live. Yeah. You know, South Jersey. She's realistic, you know. There's probably a job out there, you know. But again, like, because Kevin Corgan is like, oh, yeah, you would want to say goodbye to the school. What would you skipping graduation at all? It's like, why? What is the rush? What are you doing?

I can tell you right now it's to get fucking rid of Kevin get away from him because he won't fucking stop. I cannot believe they don't let Julie grow in this movie in the end she just has to be with Kevin. It's despicable. It's a fucking nightmare. Thanks for nothing he man. Thanks for

nothing dude. Kevin goes to the music store to see Charlie and pretty immediately the bad guys descend upon the school they yeah basically he's not even at the music store yet. He's like on his way and they

race into this fucking gymnasium and beat the hit squad. Dude, the beast, the beast man guy beats the shit out of this janitor. It's hilarious. He should kill him. He should just bite his throat out and, yep, swallow kind of a deal. He should definitely swallow. I would love that. But like

Courtney Cox is like, hey, what's going on back there? So they race into the gymnasium and they're like, better kill her too. And they just start firing wildly at the stage. All of this Kevin Corrigan music equipment, I mean, maybe it was just the keyboards and the rest of the stuff belonged to the school. But either way, this is like massive musical instrument destruction here.

But Craig, you know, corrects his compatriots there with, no, no, take her alive. She might know where the key is. Right, right, right. So let's set this whole place on fire, though. We definitely have to do that. That's a nice goodbye to the school, I think. Yeah, yeah. And this is the part of the movie where I had a thought to go along with the previous episode of ours.

So this is like her being like terrorized by these monsters, right? And you do get some good close-ups. Courtney Cox doing some like scream queen kind of screaming. And I know like scream and everything like she's been in horror movies, but not to this. This is like a real nice like Jamie Lee like I'm screaming at these things. I'm just my face is boxed in in this frame. Very good.

Right. So I had the thought, do you guys think that she pretends to not remember being this movie the way Jennifer Anderson pretends she wasn't in Lepricon? Oh, good call. Probably. She might have a sense of humor about it, right? I would hope so. I think it's an undogable bullet in comparison to Lepircon.

Because I genuinely don't think most people have seen Leprecon. Whereas like I think by this point... Most people have seen the 1987 Masters of the Universe. They are aware of it. Because it's either from the bad movie people or the people who love He-Man so much that they actually defend this piece of shit.

one of them has gotten to them, I feel, at this point. And, like, she's also just, like, in more stuff. So she was more known than Aniston ever was. I do think that it's weird. Like, as a kid, I knew a... You ever get this one? Like, I would go to this... I don't even remember who it was, like, some kid,

some other kid, a friend of mine at the time's house, and he was way into this movie. So, like, if you asked... Oh, really? And he was always watching this movie. So if you asked me at, like, nine years old, they're like, oh, yeah, huge movies. Like Star Wars, Raiders the Lost Ar.

Mass of the Universe. The movies like that, right? Ghostbusters, Mass of the Universe, those kinds of movies. And like that, it's just one of those things that gets into your weird brain pan of just like, oh, that's not how that work. Well, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, best comedies out there. Oh, Animal House, Caddyshack, who's Harry Crum. Yeah, exactly. It's just, it is the Pantheon.

The Pantheon is what it is. Huge comedies, trading places, uh, uh, Mr. Destiny. Yeah, huge comedy. Like that, right? Like that. Just like massive, influential horror movies too, right? Like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, 976 Evil 2. Yeah, no. Just really, the films that really made the culture what it is.

You hit the marquee. I mean, all sides of the marquee on that one. So it's stupid that this janitor doesn't burn alive. What are you saying? I guess she decided to do this as opposed to, like, it's weird that she's not in a nightmare, movie or in a Friday movie or even like, you know, just any

kind of garden variety slash or probably better agent, probably like, you don't have to take your top off for this one kind of a situation. Like, I'd rather do that, you know? Yeah, hey, Courtney, why don't you read this script? It's a script where it forgets your character exists for most

of it. Yeah, but eventually she was in a smart horror movie, right? Scream and great horror movie. Yes. Nine years between this and that. And a pretty good horror movie. Scream, too. She was awesome.

So, Julie goes running out of the burning down high school into this warehouse area here. This is where she runs into He-Man. And she's like, I'm running from these creatures. Oh, hey, remember me? It's me, He-Man. I mean, it's called Masters of the Universe, so it's not exactly my movie. But it probably should be, right? Sorry, I've been off screen for approximately 15 to 20 minutes at this point.

Look, it was a last minute decision, okay? It was He-Man in the Masters of the Universe up until a month before production. I'm not getting you. We were all set, and then they're like, it's too long. We can't put it a poster. We can't put it on Marquis. Just make it Masters of the Universe. And I said, whatever, sure.

I'm not even talking in this movie. Because then you get, like, you know, you're here fucking like, hey, Tufa He-Man, the 7 p.m. and the lady behind the two ticket, it's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yep. I guarantee you that was happening. I guarantee you people were like, two for the He-Man movie, and the person

who didn't know what the fuck He-Man is at the box office was like, come again. One thing that happens here that I think is pretty interesting is when Julie's running away from these mon stars and the guy Blade to show how tough this guy is, he cuts a chain link fence.

Yeah, and I feel like that's not even that impressive as a human. Yeah, not especially. I mean, I guess one fell swoop kind of cool, but I'm not like, whoa, look out for that guy. Exactly. Look out for Blade. I mean, Blade is a real take two in general.

He's very Mortal Kombat villain looking. Like, it looks like a, well, it's not even Mortal Kombat, but like the game that's ripping off Mortal Kombat, Blade is like one of the guys you can play as. Yeah. I mean, it would be called like Blade of Fury and he would be the main fighter maybe. That's kind of fun.

Something like that. I would forget about that for sure. They go, yeah, but they wind up, he means like, oh, don't worry, it'll be fine. I'm he, man. It's totally cool. And they go into like some dock area or whatever the fuck. It's a big warehouse or something.

And we have this big shoot out here. I think the fucking arc of the covenants around the corner. Shooting off our laser blasters here. And then like they, it doesn't look exactly like all is lost for Heeman. But Tila and Man in arms come in here and they make sure that the rest of the assassins ski dattle as it were.

Like a cartoon movie should the corks like retreat retreat, retreat. And this is where a real, that retreat call especially and then looking at that character and just like the monster makeup where it's like, I know it wasn't inexpensive but comparatively it's kind of cheap.

A lot of this starts feeling like Power Rangers to me. Oh, absolutely. Sure. And then that just continued to turn the temperature down. Well, sure. He looks like Goldar with cancer a little bit from the Power Ranger. grew with that big wolf dude.

That's like stage three kids. It also looks like grandma death from Donnie Darko kind of sort of. Yes, I can see that. The hair especially is very grandma death. FYI, he man, every living thing dies alone. I know. That's why I have the power.

We need to find the cellar door, guys. Come on. Otho, can you stop doing this? I can't, Skilatour. I can't. I'm sorry, Skeletor. I can't stop it. Frank, what kind of name is that for a Skeletor?

Oh, excellent. Double joke, dude. Hey, Tilo, would you like to read the book I wrote on time travel? Don't worry. It doesn't make sense. Kev goes to the music shop. You got this guy. This is like classic.

I thought at first that this was going to be like a pawn shop because he is doing scumbag pawn shop guy thing of like, oh yeah, I seen a bunch of these already. They're nothing special. Here's the thing. Charlie. living in wherever this suburban California town. He's got the music shop. He's got his fingers

in a lot of pies. I'm sure if you went to Charlie asking for Coke, he could get you some. If you had a box of pornography, Charlie would give it a good home, like these kinds of things. But Charlie, I think, even before, you know, tragedy falls him in his shop, I

do think he's got to watch himself here. He's too friendly with these high school students. Yep, exactly. You clearly are out of school, Charlie, and you have a business. to maintain. It looks like it's doing off the good. You're on fucking Main Street, brother. Maybe you want to calm down and just be friends with people that

are your age. People who could drink. Maybe if someone else directed it, they could understand that maybe. Maybe. Don't do that. Perhaps that would really help things. The lesson that everyone could learn stop a lot of problems. Absolutely. But he's like

trying to sell them on. He's like, oh, I think it's this synthesizer. Look. And, you know, if you press this button, the to the dimension portal starts opening or whatever so they kind of start doing it and then this police scanner goes off and is like holy fucking shit the gymnasium at the high school's totally ablaze to which this dude

who knows full well that that's where he left his girlfriend is just like oh geez julie's over there guess I gotta go music shop buddy because here's the thing too like when he leaves her he's like oh man I just got to show Charlie this fucking rock synthesizer he says I'll be back in 15 minutes. This is why she's moving across country. This is a classic

Kevin move. No way this is going to take 15 minutes. To drive there probably takes eight. This is a half hour at least, maybe an hour and I'm just sitting in the fucking gymnasium again, Kevin. Also, Kevin, you don't know what this fucking thing is. You decided you're a genius in that it's a keyboard of some sort. Fine. But you don't know. It could be a

nuke, brother. It could have you. What if you're there with Charlie and all of a son? Hey, Charlie, your teeth coming out is your blood aching like all of it like all of it all over is that do you feel that hey hey Charlie

do you have a little head in your chest that says start the reactor now I didn't before but I do now I'm kind of having weird vague visions of the future somehow really don't know what's going on with that thing buddy so while that's going down

Oh, actually, the trivia mentioned something about there was deleted scenes somewhere. And it might be here, which is really funny considering he told her he was going to be back in 15 minutes, where Kevin just takes this thing to like a pizza place and is like sitting down with a slice of pizza like fucking around with it or whatever. 15 minutes my ass, if that was at that part of the script. Classic Kevin, man. Classic. Every day, man. Break up with them.

I know. I do like to cut back to He-Man right here because he's busy explaining the movie to Julie. so that's why we had to cut it away. It's like, hey, movie, why don't you go see what's going on at Charlie's music shop? Because you know what's going on in the movie, but I got to tell Julie right here all about, you know, Skeletor and Attorney and everything. And you don't want to hear that. I'm going to bring her up to speed. By the time you get back, she'll be good.

Everything's good, good, good, good. And she's like, you know, oh, yeah, this key thing, it's large and it's got lights on it or whatever. And he's like, your boyfriend's in terrible danger. And Kevin goes back to the school, which is on fire. The janitor is barely able to speak. This dude is fucked. Carl, what happened? And he's like, what does he say?

It's like, you wouldn't believe me or I don't want to talk about it. Don't ever want to know or something. You don't ever want to know. Yes. He got fucked by Beast Man, like off screen. That's how Beast Man shows his dominance after he malls someone as he fucking humps him until, you know. Absolutely.

That's what they call him. beast man. But he's like part dog, you know, so it's like he's humping him but there's not like penetration. No, no, no. He just dry hump this dying janitor's leg. He just sprays on you a little bit. He's got to mark his ownership over you. Of course, yeah. And he takes

a hefty piss as well. And he doesn't know what he's doing. He's just doing this aimlessly. He just needs to get his, you know, his stuff out. His impulses need to be called. He needs to get his stuff out. Skeletor should have had it fixed years ago, obviously. You're right, because that's on this. Every high

moon. Hey, Spanduter, you're a beastman. So this is where we were introduced to James Tolkien as Detective Lubick here. He's the detective assigned to this case. I love James Tolkien. Yeah, I love him. He's also great in Serpico. Serpico, you were sucking his cock! Oh, this is a great line from James Tolkien of that film. But it's just here it's just one element too many. And like, it's your

classic, I'm going to make the movie longer by making this more difficult kind of a character. Yeah. Well, you stayed at the party too long, James, is the problem here. At the end of this, it should be he man, sorceress, man-at-arms, and teal. It should be, that's, that's, you know, you, your girlfriend, your roommate, and their boyfriend, you know, that's what that is. That's the people who should be here. But then Tolkien is just hanging out and then he turned, he, I guess, takes the futon at the end of it.

Yeah. I would like to think there's a lot of bedrooms in Castle Grey Scull, dude. We're not just sleeping in the main room. Who the hell is this lady start slamming? Like, was she introduced? Just some prize piece. No, she's, don't worry, Eric. That's her first and only appearance.

Okay. All right, perfect. Hey, it's pretty good over here, kids. I've got a concubine and everything. Come on over to attorney, are you slackers? I do like when Gwildor modifies his old beater piece of shit car to be, like a sort of supercar that has no like pollution emissions anymore, apparently. Good for, good for Gold Door. That's nice.

Well, we're really making some sort of, uh, bang that. Ban that. Oh, ban that. I think you bang that. No, no, no, you got to ban that car. It's dangerous to our constituents, which are the car companies. Oh, the oil executives. I do think it's, I mean, it's interesting, right?

There is a little bit of an environmental bent in this movie. Yeah, like, they're horrified about, yes, the consumption of, meat and now this there's no this car can run without you know polluting the ozone layer whatever so you're doing something I guess movie is this when he is dressed

like E.T. and drag like that part where he's wearing the lady hat and it's just like I'm wearing a disguise he made or is that a little later? Oh I think that's a little later he's that sunglasses on he looks like the lady gremlin yeah uh yeah uh this is where a skeletor Skeletor is like harassing Evil-in about the people or whatever

and he's like, look, I want to go out and I want my coming-out party to happen and I'm the ruler now of attorney and they're like, she says like, look, these people are not going to recognize you as their ruler as long as He-Man's still living, man, because they are waiting for He-Man to come back and be their savior and they're not going to acknowledge your power or whatever. And then this is when the scouting party comes back without the key and he's fucking pissed off at all of them. Look, sir, your numbers were okay, but then you started

this war with Aturnia, and everything kind of just started getting really expensive, so that nobody really likes what you're doing right now. Even your most ardent supporters are turning against you, Skeletor. He also kind of handed Eternia

the upper hand. I don't know how, but you did. And they are more stronger than ever. So that's strange. I'm just saying I would look over the steps that led you there. I would take a look. The key must be remained open, okay?

The doorway needs to be open. for anyone that wants to use it. Uh-huh. Okay. Oh, fine. So I guess that's what you wanted. Then you wanted all these attorney and peasants to just have a nuclear bomb, I guess. That's fine. If that's what you really wanted.

I wanted to have gas under fucking $7. But I guess you're right. No, you're right. No, you're right. But yeah, so Skeletort, not in the mood for any excuses. Fucking Blade is like, hey, master, how about a second chance? And then this is when he fucking kills that lizard person. And he's like, I'm not in a giving mood this day.

Yes, with like this force lightning type of thing. It's pretty cool. A lot of force lightning in this movie, yeah. This movie has seen Star Wars. Don't worry about it. It's also, and this is a thing too. Like when your boss is reamming out other people in another department, don't open your mouth in the meeting even, Lynn.

This is her mistake because she's like, but sir, it's just, he's like, well, you know what? Oh, you're a genius. You go fix it. And it's like, oh, fuck now. Now I'm going to Earth. Fuck. I'm part of this sinking shit.

project. If you don't understand, like, God in heaven, if you don't know when your boss is having a bitch day, like, you've got to, like, this is just what you do at an office. You got to learn this stuff. And like, you know, Sorin's about to get fucking

evaporated and you don't fucking see this shit. You don't, come on. He's complaining. Like, right before the starts, he says, I don't understand why people don't love me. I am gray skull for crying out now. I don't get it. I, I'm the best that's out there.

I mean, look at my fucking face. I'm literally a gray skull. What do they want? Come on now. It's almost like it's fucking stupid that I haven't lived here the whole time anyway. Jesus Christ.

They return to Earth for round two. Like, that's when the shit starts getting fucking tedious. Because it's like, you just went back, you got in trouble at work, and now we got to try it. I got to watch your fucking do-over, Evelyn.

Thanks a lot. And she's got this device. I love this device. This fucking device where she can scan an area and it shows you like things that have just happened there. And she's like, yes, I will stand here and just watch a little bit of the movie. Yes. Because it's like the previous fight scene at the warehouse. She's like, oh, they definitely were here.

Pretty cool movie I'm watching. All this stuff is destroyed. They were clearly here, of course. A lot of side characters. I can barely even see he, man. Boy, you don't really realize it until you're looking at it from the other side. but all of our guys really do look like little Darth Vader's. It's fucking weird.

And who the hell is Kevin? Wait, he's with her? You sure? Oh, now there's this detective. God, this is getting tedious. Oh, boy. Oh, man. So speaking to Kevin, this is where he uses the microwave

to warm up his bucket of chicken and ribs. And in other things, you're going to talk about Mouthing Off. He starts mouthing off. There's this like, Tolkien's like, what's going on here? And he's like, You got to find my girlfriend. You go to find my girlfriend. All right, tough guy.

We'll find your girlfriend together. And now I'm up your ass. It's like, never go to the cops if you don't have to, FYI. No. So now this guy's at his house and it's like, what's going on? Where is everything? He's like, and he, yeah, he uses the microwave and they use, Evil Lynn uses something to blow it up, which is kind of fun, you know.

Yeah, because they're like, oh, the microwave, the microwave is emitting something that's fucking up like their scanners. Oh, right, yes. And then so it's just like, oh, okay, you know, let's just, oh, hang on a second movie. Beep boop. All right, the microwave exploded. We can move on. It's all done now.

James Tolkien took the cosmic key with him, right? So now it's like instantly, you know, Evelyn's there. I think Beast Man roughs him up a little bit too. Beast Man shows up who's a living nightmare. And Kevin just goes, get out of here, which is kind of an amazing thing. It's like if you walked into your backyard and there was like a raccoon in your garbage. Get out of here. It's like, turn to the corner and seeing

Hellraiser in your attic and then you're just like, get the hell out of here. Oh, so sorry. My apologies didn't know. I wasn't wanted. I don't want to be anywhere. I'm not invited. No trespassing. Get out of here, Jason.

Get out of here. This is awesome too because it's like Tolkien leaves here and he's like, well, I guess I'll clean up my girlfriend's house a little bit. I'm like, I don't know why it's such. a dump at this point because we do see there's like a for sale sign with the sold sticker on it. But his idea of cleaning up,

it's such like a fucking dumb dude thing, right? He's like, all right, if I take all this Burger King, where should I put? Oh, I'll just dump it all in the sink right here. Oh, so that's previous. That was confusing to me because they cut away, like, Tolkien's like, I'm going to go check on your story about Charlie and he leaves. And we cut away to

maybe some he man stuff and we cut back and there's all this Burger King. I'm like, did because, I thought it was because the microwave exploded, Kevin went to get Burger King. Okay. That's entirely possible, I guess, but either way, he just fucking shoves all.

It's like the bag, there's a cup, there's a big thing of fries. It's a big Burger King advertisement, and he just shoves it all in the sink. And then I don't know what his next step was, because that's when all the monsters come in. Yeah. Well, that's what the Beast Man smelled the Burger King.

Oh, right. Get out of here, Beast, make. You're your own Burger King. Get out of here. It's my Whopper Burger King. It gets your own Whopper Burger King. But I smell dog food. Where is it?

Give it to me. These chicken fries are mine. Get out of here, Beast man. You're good. You can have it. That's not even... What do we have here? Yeah, I don't know why they do mozzarella sticks at Burger King.

I like that not even the dog man would eat it. It just has that Burger King smell, you know? Like, it just is like... You know where a Burger King has been. It's just the burger. Can you smell? Flame grilled my ass. It just gets in your clothes like cigarette smoke, man. It just, it won't leave.

Oh, that flame broil stays with you for, I did laundry and I could still with it. But this is, so like Beastmaster dude here, Beast Man is about to like rip this kid's heart out of his chest. And then Evelyn is like, no, no. Let's put this sexy truth collar on it. And boy, this is doing it for a lot of people. people. Meg Foster put the sexy collar

on you. I guarantee you, I don't remember who that kid was. The kid that I knew that was obsessed with this movie probably had some thoughts about it. Absolutely. An awakening it happened. There was an awakening in the forest for that kid. Him or the I mean, her or the

what was that? Gilstlet. Gillslitz. Thank you. That's the character. Uh-huh. Willdor. Maybe Willdor awakened something in him, Steve. That's true. But so annoying line right here from Blade Where he's like

Oh, so the keys on here He took the key because it's like a truth serum thing And he's like this cop took it and whatever And fucking Blade is like Okay cool We can track where it is from the air And I was like If that's true Blade

Why are you just thinking of it now? Why are we trashing this girl's house? What are we doing? Why didn't you go and follow the policeman then Because if you could track it the air, track it from the air. That's not tracking if you are stopping. That's stopping.

And, you know, it's amazing. Like, there's so many movies where we are able to point out, like, oh, here's the detective that's 10 minutes behind the movie or here's the babysitter that's figuring the thing out way too late. But, boy, very rarely, is it the hero of your film is 10 steps behind his own movie? Because, like, they trash this house. They fuck up Robert Duncan McNeil, leave him for dead with that collar on and whatever. And then they get in their little flying golf cart and get out of there.

And only then does he pull up in the shitbox car. Come on, He Man, this is your movie, man. And, you know, Courtney Cox is now just a girlfriend, not the intrepid I'm going to leave and all the stuff about my dead parents. Like, no, she's just, oh, actually, the funniest part is, I think, is it, oh, it's Corr looks at some photo album of like, or it's like a scrapbook. It's like, parents killed in Blaze. Oh, yes. Evelyn is like, this might be. be helpful and she's like, dead parents, I'll use this. I'm like, what?

When? Why? This is what you were asking about Steve? Because this is where, like, Gwildor comes out and all the fun clothes. And then this is the first time Kevin Corrigan, the character, has seen this little thing. And the first of multiple times we get a, what the hell is that? I agree. When referring to Gwildor. And I was like, yeah, you're right. It is a that. I have feelings. Nope, you're in that. You're in that.

Maybe I'll just eat some M&M's but, oh, Spielberg's lawyers are on the phone. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. He would not have threatened legal action if it was Twizzlers, you see, but another tiny little bite-sized candy, much like a Reese's

pieces, one might say. So we got to go back to one of the sets we already built, which is Charlie's music store. That's right. We're told it's at the mall and I was like, could have fooled me. It kind of looks like one location. Not much of a mall to be found.

It'd be cool to see them running around the mall. And that would open up so much more. Totally. Find me a mall to fucking run in for a little bit. Do a little Dawn of the Dead action. Kill some time in your movie. This mall's got everything. Pier one imports.

The Lewis. Piggies are out. Lubick is like, oh, what is this thing Russian? Which is like, okay. That's sort of fun. Yeah. And then they pull up, like he sees the car pull up. And then this is, I don't understand.

this reference. I didn't have a second to look it up because I didn't think about it again after this, but he goes, the mountain comes to Mohammed. Yeah, I'm no idea. I have never heard that expression. I don't know what it's indicating there, but here's all our guys come in. Tolkien puts a gun on them immediately. And then he sees Gildor and does a,

what the hell is that? And at this point, He Man, Tila, or Man at Arms, a classic, you punch this guy's lights out. And then he stops yapping at the movie for five fucking minutes so the movie can progress. No, we're all going to sit here until the cops come. And I'm like, stop. Yeah, it's real annoying.

This is where, well, he's mentioned it elsewhere, but I wrote it down this time. Man of Arms gives a little update here. And he's like, there's 0.61 cromons until moonrise. And I was like, what is that? Six hours, four days? What the fuck is a cromon? come on like Courtney Cox needs to be like

what the fuck is a chrome on and then it's like in your time that means one hour yeah that's that'd be fine this movie could have half a cromound removed from it and I'd be happy very happy and the problem was every time I'm watching this boring movie

and then like I watch it on 2B and it's like there's an ad break coming in 3.4 chromons I'm like shit here comes another ad break oh my god yeah and this ad break is one of six. Two of six is actually

4.7 cromons long. In this, the music store shootout thing here, Tila kind of shines when she kicks James Tolkien's gun out of his hand. And then she joins the action and sounds like you needed a

woman's touch out here. She shoots three guys quickly and then she spikes the camera and says, what, woman at arms? Oh, wow. That's wild. It is kind of. She goes up to She gets the thing on a talk Because it's like

Oh I'm gonna fucking do all this bad shit She kicks the gun out I can knock him out But or tie him up even Yeah She gives the gun to fucking Dippy Kevin And it's like

Hey I'm actually not subject To the laws of this planet But I want like you to do a felony But just pull this gun on this cop Now you are definitely You're because he's already like You got assaulted an office of buddy You got this you got that

You have to kill them this cop. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do. I have to point it point Blake in his face and shoot him. Otherwise, it's you've signed your own death warrant. That's the other side of that coin. Also though, Lou Beck or whatever his name is, like, I'm sorry

dude, there's interdimensional monsters. Harassing an officer means fuck all right. Yeah, that's fair. That's what's so grading about this character is like it takes way too long for him to stop the cop shit. Even in the face,

of actual monsters in his neighborhood. It'd be great if they did kill the cop, right? And then stashed his body in an attorney, so no one comes looking for him. Just like throwing his limp body into the portal. Find an oil barrel. Anything to get rid. Because I'm already dealing with Kevin and Chulie. Like,

these are already characters that are not in the master are never going to be masters of the universe. They don't matter. And I don't think Lubick matters either. No, he does not. I had to bring up this Charlie line where Charlie's talking with Lubeck here because it's just dumb. And I wanted to bring it up. He's like, oh yeah, boy, Detective Lubeck, like this is weird, right?

Reminds me of that movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And I was like, did you see that movie? What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody who saw that movie would say the situation you're in is like that movie. It's like that movie Star Wars or like that movie Flash. Gordon a little bit. Those are movies. It's kind of like, the credits were awfully a lot like Superman.

I don't know. I looked at the VHS cover of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and I think this is just like that movie. I just could not fucking believe it. And then the fucking Loubegg's like, yeah, you're right. I was like, you didn't see it either. It's two guys lying about seeing a movie. Yeah, I mean, it's classic

sci-fi movies, Star Wars, the arrival with Charlie Sheen, aliens, these kinds of movies, right? Those are movies that everybody, everybody, Everybody's seen, right? Yeah, big one. Big guys. Yep, no, exactly. Dude, the Empire Strikes Back. Space Truckers with Dennis Hopper.

Classic pillars of cinema. Leviathan, you know, the big boys. Oh, man, Leviathan. I think space truckers might be a stay tuned. Oh, it's definitely a state tune. I watched that a couple years back. And, yeah, that's a state. What were they thinking?

Big time. It's almost like it was the brains behind this movie. I do like Evelyn's ship pulls up here this thing when it's like parked or whatever it kind of just looks like one of those fan boats you ride around

the fucking Everglades It's a pretty cool character thing designed a little bit For a cheap movie And then Evelyn is like Ah That article that I read Is going to come in handy

Right now Yes Where she poses is the dead mother Right So Julie thinks that she sees her like from this alley and it's a weird like I get it right if you found yourself in the situation

it would probably be pretty easy to fall for it but just thinking about it in the clear light of day like you see your supposedly dead mother and she's like in this dark alley and she just goes shh come here get over it I'd be like that's not how my fucking dead mother would reintroduce herself

and also you've already met a beast man a lizard guy you know all sorts of stuff like that you got grimlock running around like a shapeshifter could certainly be about it's on the table it's on the table this alley is lit a little too much like the nightmare on elm street alley yes it is so i'd be watching myself to begin with this is just not good whatever coming down this way is not good oh my mom's trying to give me a hug but her arms are getting longer and longer and she keeps insisting that she that i have to bring her the shiny metal thing with the blinking lights oh Okay.

The key. I thought you'd like maybe there'd be some conversation before you asked for something. The weird conversation though is she's like, but mom, the plane. And she's like, no, no, no. We had to fake our own deaths because of the work we're doing. And I was like, what the fuck CIA Tom Clancy Thriller are you talking about right now? This is not the he man movie lady. And the funny thing is too, but we don't know.

Like we're told that the plane crashed where they were flying out to Catalese. Alina Island. Fine. But like, we don't know what these two did for a living. If we knew, like, they were some sort of NASA scientists or something where it was plausible at all. But it's like, what are you even, what is this? I love the detail that we get later that the father was piloting the plane that crashed. Yep. It makes it so much sweeter to me. Yeah. It is. I mean, like, you've, I don't know if I would ever get into a plane flown by somebody that I knew. Like, you know what I mean?

I don't think I could do it I really don't I just those things are death traps like in a commercial flight whatever but at least it's just like I don't know that guy and I can't be like fucking Eric you moron as we're flying into a fucking mountain

I would actually be a great pilot I'm sure there's a guy we grew up with who does like he's got his pilot's license a buddy of ours and never once what I go. Absolutely not. It's like I know how you grew up, dude. I know. I play fucking 17,000

hours of Golden Eye with you. Like, no way in hell. That action's too hot. You don't want to be busted for drug smuggling because you never know what he's got in there. Also true. Yeah, more the dying, but. Unless it's your job. If it's become your, if you were able to be a pilot. Oh, okay. Yeah, if you actually get hot, by a place to do it. That's a good point.

Maybe then I'm trusting you because some, the corporation is like, okay, you're not going to kill a bunch of people. That's good. But yeah, like the ones who do it amateur, I'm sure you're great at it. Whatever, I'm not there. Yeah.

So whatever, Julie runs in and steals this fucking key for her fake mother, runs out and oh man, wouldn't you know it? It's just evil in in disguise, you idiot. Moron. Oh, God. And then what, James Tolkien gets,

a gun from Charlie that was hiding under the counter for potential robberies, a fucking shotgun for this fucking music store. Seems excessive to me, but whatever. For Charlie. Charlie seems like a chill dude. A real fucking, you know, a dude that just enjoys a spliff after a long day at the music store talking about who's better the dead or fucking Jimmy Hendrix or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, that's Charlie's action.

Sure. Well, I wonder then if like it's the shotgun of Charlie Senior, you know, Charlie's music shot. He's actually his old man, you know. And he forces him to keep that shotgun there. I do like, though, when fucking Tolkien takes this thing, it does a little pump action with it. I'm pretty sure this is the same kind of gun he's got in alternate 1985. Yes, yeah.

Get off my fucking lawn slackers. Stealing my newspaper or whatever. That's great. Could he used him in a bathrobe in this movie. I could have used this being a different movie. Yeah. Oh, that would be great. I could have used this Masters of the Universe being back to the future too, not for nothing.

Watch that. And we, I always hate when you get a false ending to a movie because Skeletor is like, finally I shall come to earth and do all of the stuff. And you're like, okay, cool. It sounds like Skeletor is coming to the end of the movie. Sounds pretty good. But it's not because it's, and it's a cool thing. He's on another fan boat and even better fan boat.

This is a parade float like a full on. Yes, thank you. Thank you, dude. I was like, this looks like a bad parade, man. Merry Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. I mean, Santa's at the end of the floor. Santa Claus is coming after me.

My Skeletor brand staffs, wherever you can. But first, folks, would you like to hear the worst Broadway show currently going? Let's do a song from it. What do you say? Don't worry, it's very obviously lip-sinked, excellent. Man, yeah, it is always like, we need to sell tickets to this show,

or it's one that's been up for a thousand years, nobody gives a shit. Mostly, sometimes it's some good stuff. Like, I think actually the last Thanksgiving parade, I think they may have had a ragtime performance, which was pretty good, but it is usually trash. Also, those things like, what is the one, I think there's an internet video of it.

Internet video, I sound like 70 years old. There's a video, I think it's like the Ninja Turtles. There's a famous bad, I think it's Marvel characters. Yeah. There's one where it's like, it is the cheapest. It looks like a fucking Skeletor float in this movie. It's so cheap looking.

It might be X-Men. I have to look it up. You know, Margaret, every man is an island and we are here to see the new hit single from the Broadway sensation the Mosquito Coast musical.

I'm alone. I'm alone. I do remember the Beetlejuice one was probably to be a Thanksgiving parade. Dude, you know what I saw? And, you know, I don't think it's like in a massive theater. I could be wrong.

But I got an Instagram ad for it's a Broadway. It's not a musical. I believe it's just a stage play of paranormal activity. What? Yeah, I see this is happening. What? That must be like an off-brown. Like the evil dead musical type of thing, like off-Broadway.

It says it's on Broadway. Okay. The street, downtown, maybe? I know. That's the thing. I'm going to bed. I sure hope nothing. moves in the center of the room.

I sure hope nothing moves. You have to leave it on, leave it on. What, what? The security cam, the security cam. What happened to my sheets? What happened to my blanket? My wife is staring at the wall, staring at the wall, watching me sleep, then staring at the wall. Both sides of my pillow are cold.

I hope you like nothing happening. Welcome to paranormal activity. Greatest Khan perpetrated on the American people. It honestly, honestly, dude. And they're big movies. Like, they did well. I always wonder if we can cover them, maybe not. Maybe commentary.

I don't know. Because again, it's just like, so then he goes to bed again and not much happens. Yes, exactly. And then Skeletor comes through the portal again. Like, it would be very much that. You might get all of paranormal activity, the musical. We might just be working on that while we do the commentary. We're going to the ghost.

dimension. It's a one way ticket. The ghost dimension ain't no coming back. Keep your head down. The masked ones are around. You guys prove that anyone could write one of these musicals. Yeah, no, that's true. I mean, it's sounding pretty good to me, dude.

I don't know. But so he's coming back and like it takes him fucking forever to meet everybody on the rooftop. There's a fun there's these two dudes in those this is more of a Thundercats thing. Maybe it was on He-Man too, but like they've got these cool hover disk thing. Oh, right, the floating garbage lids? Yes. Oh, excuse me, the

Air Centurium. Oh, yes. Oh, of course. Oh, this has got some money behind it. He-Man makes some short work of these dudes, and now he's riding one. I do appreciate, there is something charming about you have a really

bad, like, composite effect shot of Dolf flying, and then they're like, that's it, and then it cuts in so close that it's clearly Dolf Lundgren like, standing on the back bed a pickup truck. And they're like, now he's still surfing on the thing.

But the shots are like so close that you can't see anything like below the waist. And of course he steals the key back from Evil Lynn with the grappling hook thing because we can't this is, I'm getting so tired of this. The key going back and forth and also just using this grappling hook for every little thing. And Dolph's on the back of this pickup truck on a Canon production.

You go like, oh shit, I think my career's going to end before it starts. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. No, you're good back there, sweet guy.

You'll be fine. You're tied in. We did this yesterday. He broke his leg. He'll be fine. As I have to do every time we do a canon movie, go watch electric boogaloo. Yeah. Because the stuff with Dolphin this where he's like, yeah, I was embarrassed. Yeah. I was embarrassed doing this. That's for sure. Yeah.

But he does kill the final Air Centurion with his sword. And I was like, thank God you're using this sword. Yeah. A little too much laser blasting in this movie. And I'm sure he used it all the time in the cartoons and whatnot. But like, you give me a big ass sword like that. You better be swinging it more than he is in this movie. And blah, blah, blah.

Skeletor, like, what does he do here? So they're all up on the roof of this building, like hiding out and sort of like resting up or whatever. And then again, because it's cheap as fuck, there's just a hydraulic lift. And like Skeletor's ship like sort of floats up quietly behind. them and no one notices. And sorry, this is the end of your movie. You've got all your characters here. It's the big final battle. No. You're right. It should be. Courtney Cox gets zapped in the leg with some skeletor of forest lightning. And this is like, I don't even know, this gives you fucking cancer. I don't know. Yeah, what is this? Dude, it's like when people were shooting up that

crocodile drug back in the day, like you just turn into nothing. When they show her leg, it's pretty, it's very used to gnarly a little later. You know what I mean? Bobotic plague or something. It's like when you got to, it's like, oh, stop the zombie infection. You better fucking cut this leg off. I was thinking that too. He-man takes that giant fucking sword down on her. That'd be great. Sorry, Julie.

It's, sorry, Julie, it's the only way. Exactly. Bite down on Kevin's T-shirt. Exactly. Cut that leg off with the sword. Take her back to attorney. And then she's got some fucking magic sorceress leg that gets made up at the end. A bionic leg.

She's a lady of legs. This is a man at arms and lady of legs. That's my right. Yeah. And, but basically it's like, I'm going to, he man, you have to, you have to promise to become my slave and then I'll leave your friends alone. Right. Because everyone now has been captured and G. Slit was saying how he would never, never knowingly serve the Lord of Snake Mountain. I guess that's the region of Eternia. That's like, Skeletor's home turf. Oh, okay. But the, so the funny thing is like, yeah, we get this whole thing like, yeah, our little guy talked shit for a second or whatever. the stormtroopers round everybody up

and then he's like, don't kill them. He mayn agree to it, like, let's just go. And it's like, Frank Langela, back on his little car and he's like, all right, well, you lucked out this time. And then there's no other way to get this fucking thing out of here because we have no money. So the ship just goes,

and starts slowly lowering back down. Because like the cherry picker that this thing was attached to is just hydraulically lowering. Now, Quinn, slower. No, Quinn. I know. I know that it's just too to speeds, but just get in the middle

there. Please, Quinn. And by the way, keep Snake Mountain's name out of your mouth. It's pretty nice there. He also says that like that this planet is primitive and tasteless. I guess like because no one's walking around in sex fetish

outfits. Is that the problem? Yeah. That's right. Eating ribs all day. That's an advanced society is the goth, the sex clothes. And now He-Man is fully out of the movie. Thank God. And it's just the, how are we going to get back to attorney a moment? Which takes, I thought this was 45 minutes of the film of like figuring it takes them forever to realize that Kevin is a genius with the key.

Not Julie, by the way, Kevin, but is Julie is just writhing in pain for the rest of the movie. And like you know that it's going this way way earlier in the movie because we didn't talk about it. But like, Will Dord's got some throwaway line when he's talking about how the device works where he's like, only someone who's truly a master. of melody could understand. I was like, oh, a master of melody, like a fucking musician that's been introducing this movie. He'll no doubt help things out in a second. And he just remembers it and all, and he was like, oh, I was going to use it in a song

I was going to write or whatever. Maybe he could have played the start of that at the Battle of the Band's sound check and maybe it was recorded or something and maybe that's how we get. And maybe like, if you insist on fucking making me eat Kevin, I don't want to

but he's on my plate all the time. But if you want to do that, Make it so this experience makes him want to go with her. And go out into the world as we are now. I am not like we are adventurers. We've been doing this. This is awesome. I want to live with you forever.

Let's fucking do this. But no, of course not. Why would I think like that? You know what, Julie? Let's move to Trenton together. Yes, please. Just a little bit. And he's got to go back to the music store again.

Dude, this guy literally goes, oops, I forgot my keyboard. Give me 10 minutes. I was like, no. And he comes back, he goes all the way to the school or whatever. Shit happens. But when he comes back, I was like, how is this keyboard not smoldering or like melted?

Yeah, everything's on fire. Everything's on fire. All the keyboards are on fire, to my knowledge. Yeah. Oh, man. But so it's like getting this device ready or whatever, and then it cuts to attorney. Oh, also, man of war, though. Again, here we go. The fucking moon. It's coming up. Half a Cromon left.

Oh, my God. My heart's beating out of my chest. It's only half a Cromon left. So this is where it happens, Eric. Get ready. We cut back to Castle Gray's skull. Skeletor is on the throne. Let me take my pants off real quick.

Okay. Then you see this little motherfucker like runs up and gives him something and then runs away. That little motherfucker is pig boy. Yes. Okay. I completely forgot. Yeah, go ahead. what is this pig boy?

You guys are obsessed with this thing. I watched the movie last night. I watched the movie. I don't even notice this scene. And then I'm watching the credits. And then the last person credited is so-and-so as pig-boy. I'm like, I didn't see pig-boy. Who's pig-boy?

So I asked everybody else to look out for pig-boy when you're watching it. And it turns out it's a contest winner. Mattel had a contest. You could be in Masters of the Universe. And instead of like, I think the funny thing was that they accident like took too long to run the contest and like all the scenes on earth were already filmed so they had to have him on internia at some point so they made him pig boy which is amazing it's crazy and so crisp found an internet video of some guy uh you know i'm not gonna call him at or no but a dude has made like a video that is the history of this contest and i'm like where did you get all this information from and i feel like he contacted pig boy himself to get the story straight from the pig's mouth. And I looked it up, by the way,

you bet your fucking ass Pig Boys going around the convention circuit. Of course he is. He's working the cons, dude. He's doing it up. Well, no, I think most of he got from the GQ article Who is Pigboy, which was a big hit.

Yeah, I think it was like 1988, Hunter S. Thompson wrote that. It was a big feature, yeah. Oh my God, look a fucking pig boy. Look at it. Look at him running around the set. Hey, pig boy. It was right after he went to the DNC.

Yeah, I remember that. Boy, I thought those politicians were crazy. Look at the fucking pig boy. I'm high on three rails of cocaine, and Pigboy is taking the last of my ludes. Hey, Pigboy, leave those alone. Pigboy, put that down, don't you like eight? Pigboy, will you endorse me for sheriff?

What's to deal with your director, Pigboy? Yeah. Yeah, I hope Pigboy steered clear of this motherfucker. Me too. Tell you that much. At least according to our internet video guy, Pigboy's mom was on set the entire time. It's the way to do it, man.

Pigboy had zero complaints. Apparently Frank Langela gave him some tips about acting. Well, they give the video guy a cute. Maybe we'll put it in the show notes that you can see this little video. Yeah, that's a good idea. Just to, you know, give the guy his credit. Yeah, no, that's fair. You know, it's just one of those nostalgia kind of videos.

It's like five and a half minutes long, you know. It told me literally everything I'll ever want to know about Pigboy. It finally told me because I was looking everywhere for Pigboy. I was obsessed. Where is, I was first looking for pigs and I didn't see any pigs. So I was like, okay, so it's not anything like that. So you were looking for boys, dude?

Fat boys. I was looking for fat boys. Oh, fat boys. And then I really didn't find that either. So I had to hit YouTube and they told me what I was supposed to look for. You guys were texting about this all and I was like, I'm not going on no pig hunt today. I just, I was watching the movie. I didn't notice the pig.

Other days, sure. I'm just not in a pig hunt mood today. That's fair. That's totally fair. And, but so at this point, it's like, he, oh, he mad will submit to me. And I mean, like, this is when Blade uses a laser whip. Dolph, Lundgren, usually he's wearing a cape a lot of this movie. So it's like, he's in like the loin cloth, but it's like, it's a lot covered.

Here he is greased up. I mean, like, this had to have been a gay awakening for like 50% of elder millennials, like, who identify as buyer gay. Everyone. I think everyone. Everyone who saw it. I mean, once you get this man capeless, it is fucking, the back muscles are looking stupendous. It had to have been, right? You're just watching it and then it's like, bingo. Come on. That makes a lot of. Hello. Right before that, we did get the sorceress is now withering and looking like a beetle juice type of thing. Yeah, she is. Oh, sure. Right, right, right.

He starts whipping him and Blade does with this laser whip. Pretty fun. But the movie, just in case you were not sure what's going on, they keep cutting back to Meg Foster, who's got like a say look on their face. And I'm not sure if Skeletor can sweat, but he does look like he's sweating while he's watching this. Because he's also like, sure. Yeah, yeah, he's into it. I have a skeleton

boner now Oh my God I do love when he's got He Man like right before the whipping happens he gets the sword of gray skull And he's like Give me that that's mine now

And he puts it down There's this like sword charging station And he plugs this thing into No And I guess I don't know much about Heeman's sword I don't know if it's got Electronic components to it or something

I read it as tired of people Stealing your sword by sword lock today. Totally. Put your sword and a sword lock. No one will ever grab your sword. It'd be great if Skeletor was very like

protective of things. He gets off the parade float. He gets at the club. He puts that on there. Are you tired of your children gutting the household pet by accident? By sword lock. I forgot the

swordlock pass code. it. Now I'm being murdered because a bad guy with a sword is coming in here and I can't remember. Thanks for nothing, swordlock. You didn't just put your fucking fingerprint on it? Come on, man. Everybody does it now. Everybody knows. I didn't

want swordlock to know who I am. Oh man, come on. They know who you are. They know. But so Skeletor, I do love this plan though. Skeletor is like, by the way, everybody, yes, He-Man will be killed. I will be broadcast.

his public execution through that fucking video PA system we have. I like that little detail here. Oh, absolutely. So back on Earth, we're doing the whole, oh, I got my keyboard. Let's get ready to play the riff so we can open this portal. And doesn't Julie like muster I love you to Kevin at this point? Of course, yeah. I threw my hat on the floor and I jumped up and down.

You shouldn't marry your high school boyfriend, almost ever. Yes. Unless it worked out for you, then it's great. It's fine. But, and then Lubick fucking waddles his fat, fat ass in the third act. Because he's like, like, Kevin is doing stuff. And there's all these cops and he's like, oh, I think that there's, they're like, oh, yeah, right, Lubick. Space Monster.

No, they were right here. And then, like, they go to the park where they're at. And Lubick is like, I'm going to be part of the end of the movie. I'm like, do you need to be? Do you really believe it? Oh, you thought you were done with me, movie. Here I am. Detective Lubbock.

No, believe me, I'm more interesting than a Skeletor man and a sword wielding he man. I am more interesting than both of them. I swear to God, guys.

You do have this Skeletor like getting all the power right here and he does a great. Now I Skeletor am Master of the Universe. All these orange orbs are sort of flying into him because he opened the windows

while the bugs are getting in and whatever. And he gets a giant gold hat. Yeah. Oh, when he becomes a super-keletor. Oh yeah. I like that. But I mean, he's going on this. And this is where he's really like, I fucking own everything and I am God and blah, blah, blah. And I love they cut to like all the minions and whatever,

just like looking at him like, that's right, boss. Jesus Christ, this guy's going a little overboard, isn't he? Well, I think they're all like, oh man, that helmet looks a little unsteady. Oh, is it falling off? Oh, wait, it looks like it's falling off. Oh, wait. Should we say something or is it going to make us fucking disappear if we do that? I have to keep my head perfectly still. it's a pretty cool like helmet mask thing

there's too much shit on me it's very like show con in mortal combat kind of the helmet too but so they show up like it all looks lost for he man but here comes all of our

fucking tertiary characters to save the day you get a good Lubick like takes a look around and gives a good holy shit and I mean here's the thing you've got evil in you've got Cougar whatever the fuck that little

critter dude is and you still have Craig or whatever yeah yeah crog you got blade as well you need these characters to fight the other characters but instead like evil Lynn is doing the classic like let's leave and fight another day I'm like so you're just leaving the movie

okay so you're just going to leave the movie and the rest of the okay cool that's awesome I mean evil in if you look over that ridge there in the fucking attorney and desert. Those are the credits. Leverland. So

So he man doing some ass kicking here. I do like Skeletor he's shooting fucking force lightning everywhere. He's mainly killing his own henchmen which is very funny. Just get these dudes in the back and they keep falling off this platform into the pit that

he himself later falls into. Well, I can't fucking see anything in this fucking helmet. Is that? you he, man. Is that you? Oh, shit. I'm just trying to... Man, this swordlock is really good. I can't not get this thing out of here. But he does, which is nice. We get a...

I have the power. Of course. Which is very... You know, you want that. You gotta have it. It's the second... Second of two times he says it in the movie, so that's not bad. And then he gets back into this... Come on, Skeletor, this was always between me and you. it's just us let all these people go come on skeletor and you have the sword versus staff pole fight between the two of them here which is it's okay this is the thing that it was like we were off the shooting schedule for like a month and a half and now we're finally filming the scene it's just a lot of clanking and at some point sorceress gets free and she takes skeletor's power so he's normal skeletor again is that

he man breaks the pole oh i see and for like when that pole that pole shatters for whatever reason he goes back to regular Skeletor. So it might have been a timing with the Empress at the same time or whatever, but at least the edit tells me the staff broke and he lost his cool gold helmet, I guess. And he's

you know, he does the thing with like, I'm going to take you in, Skeletor or whatever. We're going downtown. Suicide by he, man. Yes, he does do suicide by and he dies like a Brupalpatine. Yeah, he does fall right down a big shaft

like old palpy, doesn't he? And you get he-man, victory. Yes. And everyone yells victory at the same time. That's fun. That is fun. And the more fun, dude, Lubick's staying around in this attorney, dude, he's got this lady friend now. Which is insane that he just suddenly gets a woman. But I don't know what's crazier, though.

The fact that he's magically got this girlfriend, or he appears to also have some sort of, like, political standing because he's like, on this dais, like, second from the throne. just sitting there. I think the sorceress or whoever's now running the show is it wants to conquer Earth and this guy knows how to like to take the police stand, you know?

I think you're right. You know what's crazy though for all the, I mean this is how much this movie forgets about this Courtney Cox character. We don't even see the Empress fix her fucking leg. It's all just like, well everyone's like packing their bags and leaving

the credits are knocking on the door and she's walking around fine. I was like where is the like she wakes up Robert Duncan McNeil's there oh my god Julie you're alive the emperor's fixed you and there's like an embrace of any kind there's none of that in this movie everything is fine once you've Hans Gruberd Skeletor everything has gone back to zero

we're all good and it's like oh you sure you know to stay at attorney is like yeah I'm the fucking lieutenant or something I've got full prostitutes at my fucking ready like oh well attorney I would mean hanging out with fucking Lubick some more yeah I want to be whatever planet, Lubic is not. Yeah, yeah. But so the sorceress gives her a ball.

It's like you'll always have attorney in your heart if you look at this stupid thing. And even Grildor is like, you're sure you don't want to see the past? Because I could do that now. There's three seconds left of the movie. And she's like, no. And she's like, no.

Past or future. No, I just want to go home. And then as she's going, oh, wait, actually, if you could. But it seems to be. too late, you know. I just cannot believe this. But I guess Grildor also read the article

that Evelyn had or what? I don't know. Oh, well, that poor innocent girl was just too proud to ask for this favor. But old Gildor saw that newspaper clipping. And what is this? She wakes up back in her own bed and her parents are alive, but she's

wearing this weird house dress, like this little house on the prairie. Yeah, this is a, it's the 80s. and this is just sleepwear for women, dude. That's what we're doing. And I think also it's a little, we're trying to do a little Wizard of Ozzy stuff here, obviously. Okay.

Sort of kind of. It's a very frumpatcular fucking outfit. Sure. She goes down and sees her parents and, like, her fucking father's like, no, I have to kill your mother today. What are you talking about? Yeah, because the whole thing,

we should say the whole thing is they were supposed to do something else. And then Courtney Cox lied to her parents and was like, oh, I have to study because she wanted to hang out with Kevin. So Kevin killed the parents, really. Kevin is the reason the parents are dead, yes. Because so then they were like, okay, well, if we're not going to do whatever activity they were supposed to, they go to the beach, I think. So we're not going to go to the beach together.

So your mother and I are going to go to Catalina for the day or whatever. In our plane, I'm like, what fucking money do you have? Oh, you don't want to go to the beach? Well, I'll fly this plane right into a mountain. Okay, fine, no, that's fine. I will kill your mother and myself. If you don't want to go to the beach, you want to hang out with your boyfriend. time to die listen listen julie your mother and i and john denver have to go

oh man uh yeah i'm gonna erase john f kennedy junior there beep here i go but like the parents like they're like no fuck you we made plans to go to catalina the fucking planes all gassed up like they refuse to acknowledge like something's going on their daughter just wants to spend time, whatever. She's got to steal the fucking airplane keys and run out of the house. It'd be great. Like, good thing I got to spare.

Let's go, honey. Right, yeah, exactly. That dumb daughter of ours. And she runs out into the street. And, of course, Kevin is running towards her house. So they meet outside. And she's relieved that he also remembers the events and everything. And she's got the amulet or whatever the fuck.

And then they just, just look at it, they're like, oh yeah, our cool adventure. And then just a little tiny superimposed Dolph, does I have the power? Oh, right, yeah, there you go. Oh, I love you so much. Could you eat these keys? They need to be away.

They need to be a place that nobody can get them. And also, if my dad even tries to leave the house, tackle him, I need you to tackle my dad. Because, see, he does say something about, like, well, what about your parents or whatever? And she's like, oh, I took care of that. And I was like, I don't know that you did. No.

And then of course We would be remiss if we ended this episode Without talking about the little Stinger scene At the end of the credits It's just Frank Langela Coming up from the fucking water Saying I'll be back in 1987 Great

A little apocalypse nowe this shot In a big time Yes And then it just freeze frames And then fades to black on Franklin Ella Laughing in a pool of pink water Or whatever It is really wild

This movie, man. We'll go around the horn here For some final thoughts And potential recommendations. Chris Kavana. Oh, no, I won't be recommending this. No, no, no.

Unless you're in very, very high. Maybe then. And if you haven't seen it before, maybe it is to seeing as believing as far as, like, complete fucking rip-offs go. Yeah, because, like, it's not much of a He-Man movie,

to be completely honest with you. Yeah. I didn't find it that. It is, feels more like a watch it once you actually sit down and watch the whole thing. You're like, what the fuck? What were these decisions being fucking Lupic is fucking half this movie? Why?

Why? You're just, I mean, it's like a great canon whatchits. And I'm like, so in that sense, yes, I can see it, but like in any other sense. No, no, no. You see it once, throw it in the garbage. And I will say, I am kind of looking forward to the remake because I didn't know this. It's one of the LICA guys who are, who's directing it.

Okay. And I'm like if you, with stuff like this, there's four kids. Once you get kid directors, kid adjacent directors, I think it turns out better. Like the best transformers to me is bumblebee because it's a kids movie. It's for teenagers and kids.

It's not supposed to be for adults in any way. Also with like goofy cartoon stuff like this, having an animation director. Exactly. I think it has a chance. I think it has the same director of bumblebee actually. Oh, it does? That makes total sense.

And he has Wildwood coming out later, the new Lika movie. He's directing that as well. Oh, I saw some little commercial for that. It looked quite beautiful. Yeah, I know. Mr. Siska, how you feel? Yeah, no, this is a big, not a recommend for me.

I felt like this movie feels like it takes an attorney. No. Yes. And I don't like it. I just feel like it just, it's just boring. It's meandering. It's soggy. So it's a not for me.

And I am not looking forward to that new one, but we'll see what happens. prove me wrong. I'm in the same boat as Eric. That trailer looks fucking dog shit. Now there's this buzz about, it could actually be good, which is Chris is starting right here, which I don't appreciate.

No, I don't know. The trailer looks really bad. I kind of don't care about He-Man. I might give it a shot just for like show purposes just to know what the hell is going on out there, but I'm not even looking forward to that. So not a world's biggest He-Man guy. And yeah, like this movie is like,

it's really sloggy and not even in a fun way. Like, if you want to watch this movie, just watch Flash Gordon. Flash Gordon is so much better. It's fun. It's gorgeous. You got the Queen's songs. I watched Flash Gordon a couple of years ago,

like, again, for the million times. It was like, oh, no, this movie rules. That's your stoned movie. That's the one to watch. You can skip mass in the universe. Yeah, I'm kind of in the same boat as you guys. If you want a movie from around this time where it's Dolph,

getting into the shoes of a property. That Punisher movie's right there. And it's a lot of fun and way better kills because it's dudes and not robots. So there's that. I will say, I mean, I got the IMDB page up here for this new one and it's auto playing the trailer. And like visually it looks cool.

So I think if you're honestly, if you're like a Masters of the Universe fan, maybe you came to it back in the 80s, maybe you came to it with all the slew of the new Netflix shows that came out or whatever. I think your mileage is probably going to be pretty decent on this. It looks like they put some money into it. You just got to watch out for that

Jared Leto is... That is a problem right there. That's, you know, I mean, I don't want to say that it looks like shit because it's just I've spent two hours telling you, I don't watch He-Man. So I do think that this looks, you know, interesting enough. If you're a fan of that, you might be cool. If you're a fan of this and you haven't seen it yet, you might be let down

because, as we've been saying, yes, not a lot of He-Man in the He-Man movie. No. So, you know, again, mileage may vary with it, but this I would not recommend. And if you're not into He-Man, there's absolutely no reason for you to watch this movie. But that is going to

do it for this episode. As always, if you want more We Hate Movies, including commercial free episodes of WHM, just like this very episode. Head over to that Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies, where we're super stoked because it is just getting started. That is the summer blockbuster extravaganza. We do have a lot

in store for you all coming up this June. We have coming out, actually, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, which is June 2nd, it's a Tuesday. This Thursday, a We Love Movies episode on Stephen Spielberg's Minority Report is coming out. Hell yeah. Had a lot of fun with that. We're getting into the senior Spielbergo mode a little bit here. What with the new movie coming out?

This month, as a matter of fact. Hell yeah. Next week, it's time once again, y'all. It's commentary time. We're super excited. We're going back to it. Get ready to laugh. Jack Asman Terry.

number two is coming out. We're doing a commentary over the next jackass movie. The first one was a lot of fun, probably like the most I've cramped up from laughing while we did a commentary. So that's going to be a lot of fun. And also next week coming out, Chris Cabin, once in a lifetime.

Once in a... We were talking about the Sydney Sweeney vehicle, the wrong daughter in which she tries to take over the role of a daughter. And it turns out she's crazy pants. So it's a lifetime movie It is a lifetime movie It is from there

There were two We saw two Sydney Sweeney Lifetime movies This was by far the superior one I really can't wait to talk with it with you guys We haven't recorded it yet But I'm sure it's a fantastic episode It's gonna be a good one

And then also we do have a Melroo 2-0 coming out this month Continuing the journey on there We don't know what those episodes are yet No we haven't gone there yet We're sticking around in college And you know Lord knows Amanda's Cancer story will drag on.

I think they I think we're going to get out of it. Oh really? Hopefully pretty soon. But you know who's getting out of something? Sidney's getting out of that hole that she was put in last month. Thank God. We will be addressing that.

Steve Saneck, some, speaking of what we were talking about today, some animation damnation for the end of the month. That's right. We will be doing the 1980s He-Man show, an episode of that. I'm really excited about. We'll do real skeletal voices and all that fun stuff.

And you drank your tour. That's right. This will be the first time, Steve, you mentioned this, the first time we have covered He-Man since, was it the very first animation damnation? It was indeed. Really? The anime, we did the Shira He-Man Christmas specials.

All those many years ago. Eric, do we know yet who we're doing for the Gleepe Glossom? I have an idea, but I want to wait until I see Mando because I think that might affect it. So we'll keep that sort of secret then. So, of course, that means stay tuned to all the social and everything like that. Speaking of the socials, folks have been finding it, but yes,

we have amped up our TikTok presence, and those are being transferred into Instagram reels, as well as YouTube shorts. So, we are at WHM podcast, of course, on Instagram and TikTok. Yes, and we hate movies

at YouTube, so please like and subscribe, repost that stuff, spread us like a disease across Julie's leg. That is one way to put it. And we also, of course, the end of the month, the Nexus will be coming out, which reminds me, of course, join us in the desert this August, you guys.

We are playing STLV. They are celebrating the 60th anniversary of Star Trek, and it just so happens we are celebrating the 10th anniversary of the Nexus. We're going to be out there at the convention doing a three-night stand. You don't have to be a Trek fan at all because we're talking movies, man, and you all love us talking about movies. We are talking about the Rath-a-Con, Star Trek Generations, and Star Trek First Contact over the

Of course, are those three nights, and you don't have to have a convention pass. It's a separately ticketed thing. Come hang out in Vegas with us. It's going to be a lot of fun. WHMpodcast.com. Get that tour information there. Now, the summer blockbuster extravaganza just getting underway has barely left the station. And speaking of this month's, we love movies episodes.

Steve Sadek, what are we talking about next week? We are talking about the War of the World. Speaking of Spielberg, it's the Spielberg one with Tom Cruise playing a dock worker or That's pretty stupid. The hottest stock worker you've ever seen. Totally, dude. Watching this guy do manual labor? Oh, yeah.

Well, it's science fiction, you know. Yeah. It's been a minute since I've seen this movie. I'm very excited to go back to it. Mainly for that Tim Robbins scene. Oh, yeah. Because he's playing kind of a crazy guy. Also crazy pants.

Yes, very crazy pants. But he's kind of right, though, right? I mean, yeah, predicted all the aliens. He got it. Yeah. So very excited with War of the World. Until next week, when we're hiding into basement with Tom Cruise and Tim Robbins, I've been Andrew Jupin.

Steven Zaid. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.