We Hate Movies - S16 Ep868: War of the Worlds (2005)

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

“[Ryan] Gosling ate this dude’s lunch” - Andrew, on Justin Chatwin On this week’s episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza keeps the Spielberg chatter going from last week with a hilario...us talk about his 2005 sci-fi adaptation, War of the Worlds! Couldn’t we have had some puppet aliens instead of those CGI guys? How fantastic is Tim Robbins playing this basement-dwelling lunatic? Should the boy have stayed exploded? How many of us would rather just turn to dust in this situation? And would this movie have been better with Eric as an extra? PLUS: Everyone say hi to Ray Ferrier’s new Bayonne, New Jersey girlfriend, Cigaretta! World of the Worlds stars Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Justin Chatwin, Miranda Otto, Rick Gonzalez, Yul Vazquez, Lenny Venito, Lisa Ann Walter, and Tim Robbins as Harlan Ogilvy; directed by Steven Spielberg.This episode is brought to you by ZVOX and their line of dialogue-boosting speakers and sound bars! Our listeners save 20% on any new soundbar when using our code: WHM!Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, gang, before we get to today's episode on Seniors, Spielbergos War of the Worlds from 2005, just wanted to pop in real quick to remind you this August. We're going to go play in the desert, y'all. We're hitting up Vegas for STLV. That's right. Three nights, three movies, one epic experience. That's right. We are bringing our show The Nexus live on the stage at the world's biggest Star Trek convention,
Starting point is 00:00:23 August 6th, August 7th, and August 8th. We're talking three nights in a row. Our favorite Star Trek movies, Star Trek, the Rath a Con, Star Trek Generations and Star Trek First Contact in that order. Tickets are on sale now. It's going to be a lot of fun. All shows are happening at STLV. Again, like I said, the biggest, most badass Star Trek convention
Starting point is 00:00:40 in the world. They're celebrating 60 years of Star Trek. We're celebrating 10 years of the Nexus. The cool thing is if you want to come see these shows, we want to see you there. And if you don't have a convention pass, that's totally okay. These tickets are separate. So you can come to Vegas, hit up some casinos, walk around the strip, get some great food. Come see the shows. It's going to be a bangor time. y'all, it's our first time in Vegas. We want to make a real sweet impression on these folks.
Starting point is 00:01:03 So head over to our website, WHMpodcast.com. Click on that tour page. We got links all over the website where you can go to purchase the tickets. Three nights of laughs, three nights of Star Trek love. It's going to be a lot of fun. Join us this summer. All right, that's it. Now let's get into it.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Those tripods are coming out of the ground. We're talking war of the worlds. Enjoy. The line must be drawn here. This far, no farther. This week on the program. You know, the four of us are here hiding in a wet, eerie basement to talk about war of the worlds. I'm Andrew Jupin. Did you redo noise, Steven Sadek?
Starting point is 00:01:35 Wet Eric Siska. 16 years of a podcast and you would think maybe the robots are taking over. But no. Hi, Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine podcast as always. If you're finding us for the first time because your big senior Spiolberg, go ahead. We'll come on in. The water's fine. We just take movies, kind of good, better, otherwise. poke him around a little bit. This one's kind of right down the middle. War of the World's from 2005 directed, of course, by the aforementioned
Starting point is 00:02:30 Steve Spielberg, written, uh, co-written by Josh Friedman and David Kemp released June the 29th, 2005. It's good. Whoa. It's okay. You can't tell which one this is. We all know who it is. It's a really good one.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Loves this movie. I tend to think of this as Spielberg like with training. It's like slow pitch down the middle. I think for me, it was funny last night, I've been like anti this movie for a long time And I was like I've only seen it once So rewatching it was the first time in 21 years And then I was like oh shit I'm wrong
Starting point is 00:03:03 Because the beginning is so great Yeah And what happened was I accidentally watched The same movie twice the same way Which is it's really exciting When it's really exciting And then narratively it runs out of gas And then it just
Starting point is 00:03:15 It leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth So I'm exactly where I was right 20 years ago It's just like oh wow this is oh it's okay I don't know I'm not even saying it's bad I'm just saying like it could be better. It just needs something at the end. The characters need to grow. Maybe the kid needs to die.
Starting point is 00:03:32 The kid definitely needs to die. This kid needs to be fucking... Nothing happens to this family during this, by the way. And does Tom even grow at the end? I mean, that's what I think is interesting about the movie is that it's about Tom Cruise essentially coming to grips with the fact that he's not a good dad. Right. Like that's the whole line of the movie is that at the beginning he's like, no, I can do this.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Of course I can save my kids from the great apocalypse And the whole movie is him learning No, you, to do that you have to kill people You have to do these terrible fucking things That are like, do you really want to do this? And he's like, no, here, go to with your mom. Absolutely go with your mom. I'm out of the family now.
Starting point is 00:04:10 I'm not there. Go bother the army, that's fine. I don't care. Chris's character in this movie reminds me of that line in, oh, hello, where I think it's John Lanny's character's like, I love my daughter. I just talked to her last year. That's the way this Doudreux Ferrier
Starting point is 00:04:27 Would totally prefer it If you just saw these rotten ass kids And I get it man You take a look at these fucking kids Yeah, once a year more than fine Brent whatever Justin Thwaites or what's this kid's Justin Chathwin Apparently there was a Dragon Ball Z movie
Starting point is 00:04:43 There was He played Goku in Yeah, that's stay tuned Yeah I'm like what where is this? Why haven't we done this? Oh it gets requested all the time Almost every year All the time
Starting point is 00:04:52 Maybe I just assume that it's like an animated movie. No, no, no, no, no. It's real. It's a real thing. I saw the poster. It looked hideous. Chatwin was in that, it's like a pseudo-horror movie, anything called The Invisible.
Starting point is 00:05:05 I just watched that movie for the first time a couple weeks ago. It's awful. Real bad. It's a state of a movie that David Kep directorial. It is. It absolutely is. Gothic. That, a few other things.
Starting point is 00:05:15 He's, I believe, the boyfriend in the first couple seasons of the American Shameless, Emmy Rosum. boyfriend, I believe, in the first couple seasons. I will say it's good son casting. He looks enough like Cruz to be his son. It's totally fun. I realize the thing what happened with this guy, because he's a Canadian actor, I guess
Starting point is 00:05:35 now slash like outdoorsman kind of dude. Because fucking Gosling ate this dude's lunch. That makes sense. Gosling kind of shuffled in and was like, hello, other handsome Canadian actor here. Bye. Much more personality.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Like, I'm just sorry. He just has it. got that magnetism that this kid does not. By the way, you guys might not believe this, but I turned down a chance to be in this movie. Really? Really? Yes, because I worked crew in the Hudson Valley for many years during college, and this was shooting when we were in college. And I was at Purchase at the time, they shot this in like the fall or whatever. I was someone asking me to come to be an extra during the ferry seat.
Starting point is 00:06:14 Oh, cool. And I think I was working at Conan O'Brien the next day or something. So I was like, I'm not huffing all the way to Athens, New York, near Hudson. You could have been flesh dust. Dude, I would love. I would have been a fat blur in the corner that no one saw and I knew it. Maybe Lisa and Walters would have elbowed you in the elbowed in the chest. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:06:34 Might have been lucky. But there was such a big call because they wanted as many people as possible. And they were shooting it at night. It was a lot of work to be an extra. A lot of hoops to go through. I'd like no money. That Lisa and Walter pop up, it's so like clearly there is a deleted scene from earlier in the movie. Because she's credited on IMDB as bartender.
Starting point is 00:06:52 So there's something where he goes to some shit-ass bar in Bayonne or something, and she's behind them, because she just comes up like, oh, hey, Ray, it's me. Like, we're supposed to know who she is in the movie. Damn, now I wish I had the, the, I wonder if the Blu-ray has deleted scenes. Is Massest Tavern in there? Maybe they've, maybe they just forgot in this, she's supposed to be the Amy Ryan character. Because En-Ryme's barely in this for no reason. She's credited, well, because she wasn't a famous actor at the time.
Starting point is 00:07:19 It's Amy Ryan. You should know, Spielberg. Come on now. What are you talking about? Come on. Gone, baby, gone. I haven't happened yet. I guess that's true.
Starting point is 00:07:26 So she is credited as neighbor with baby. Neighbor with baby. I think that this, it kind of gets to where I want to start, which is the Tom Cruise of it all as a dock worker. He needs a shitty girlfriend. If he has a shitty girlfriend and like, you know, the kids are coming over, but I got Miranda last night. Like that would be nice to my girlfriend's cigarette. Exactly. If you had beautiful cigarette, like, oh, you got the kids this weekend.
Starting point is 00:07:51 It would be perfect because it. Again, like I mentioned before, this dude lives in Bayonne, New Jersey. And he's a doc. He just doesn't fit a dock worker from Bayonne, New Jersey. The haircut's too hip. The jacket's too nice. He's way too physically fit. Look at all the other guys he's working with.
Starting point is 00:08:06 But if he's dating Cigoretta by chance, now I'm like, okay, he's in the milieu, you know what I mean? Because Cigarette's brother probably got him the job. He used to be like an English teacher or something, fell on hard times. Oh, yeah, eat out my ass tray, you son of a bitch. move that container this is my boyfriend Ray yeah he's a piece of shit
Starting point is 00:08:26 but I love him why you leave it what are you a talk we just got here what I'm dust are you gonna do two things buddy you're gonna do that paper day and you're gonna be nice
Starting point is 00:08:36 to cigarette when she comes over for lunch she's bringing prosciutto from the good deli okay see the thing is that the cigarette is not gonna get you what you want to because the Hollywood cigarette
Starting point is 00:08:45 is Blake lively from like the town it's like some like absolutely smoke you got Amy Ryan and Lisa Lisa and Walter, either of them could have made a convincing cigarette. Here's the thing, Chris.
Starting point is 00:08:56 It's not a she-ed character. A little bit. By the power of Grace Cole, my shitty girlfriend's coming over. By the power of Newport. See, but that's the thing. Chris, she can totally be a smoke show. She's just got a sound like maybe a fucking tit job she loves telling people about.
Starting point is 00:09:13 She's talking about her uncle. Like, anytime someone talks aggressively about their uncle and smokes cigarettes, you're like, all right. We're going out to dinner. Yeah, that means the pizzeria where we order pasta. We sit down to the pizzeria and order pasta. Friday, we get pizza from the pizzeria,
Starting point is 00:09:32 but Saturdays we go to the pizzeria and it's bake ziti. Ray, Ray, what do you want for me? Chili's bad smoking. I thought this was America. I can't even smirking chilies anymore. Oh, your ex-wife gets so big. because she's pregnant. I'm smoking cigarettes in the doorway.
Starting point is 00:09:54 The door is open. The door is open. All right. Just get me a couple of Fetuccini-A-Fraido egg rolls. And then we'll be set to go. And then I'll put my Stogey out, okay? No, I'm not smoking on the porch.
Starting point is 00:10:08 This is my boyfriend's hairs. By the way, when you see a play on an egg roll in a restaurant, run. My sister, the only time she was a waitress, she was a waitress in the Bronx in a little Chinese-slash-ital-Fugian. place in like 1991 before we were doing any of that.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Wait, wait, wait, wait. I need you to clarify. Is it fusion or is it Chinese on one half of the menu and Italian on the other? That's the second one. Okay. And it was called Fruta de Mare. And it was just, yeah. Yeah, didn't work out there. Because it was like just like.
Starting point is 00:10:38 Permanently closed? Very much so, but the health department. Was it a, like, they had a grasp on one half of the cuisine and the other, they was like, you should order Chinese food is what I'm saying. Yeah. Yep.
Starting point is 00:10:51 It's the fruit of the dumpster. How do you put that in French? Not the C. By the way, you were saying Tom Cruise got a miscast as a dock worker. You know who's perfectly cast, too perfectly cast. Morgan Freeman is narrator. Oh, yes. Stop with this, the March of the Penguins were doing?
Starting point is 00:11:08 I think this was right. The same year, wasn't it? I think this is right before it became obvious and annoying. You know what I mean? It's pretty close to obvious and annoying, but I think this is right at the beginning of it. But it's 0-506 is March of the Penguins. But it's also so short of a narration at the start in the end. Like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Could I've gotten like, I don't know, someone on the radio telling me this? I don't know. And for some reason, the effects hold up in this movie fantastically. Oh, yeah. But this fucking amoeba in the beginning looks like dog shit. Dude, this is the, okay, we talked about it on a minority report, which was Steven Spielberg 2002. Now this is Steven Spielberg, 2005. That dude is still watching X-Men movies.
Starting point is 00:11:45 Yes, yes. By the way, minority report, our episode of that is on Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Available now. It's right. I'm not buying Patreon. I ain't gonna do the time. I'll just skip through the commercials.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Doesn't one of your friends have it, Ray? Can he just send me the file? Download it on my laptop. And I'll listen to it there, Ray. Fuck, I forgot my Yahoo password. Now I'm just picturing cigarette driving around in a Honda Civic with an open laptop playing the podcast.
Starting point is 00:12:17 I wait, stop. Ray, pull over. I got to charge it at one of those stations in the middle of the street. I'm watching the man doing Groku on my jail broke fire stick. It's got Russian subs, but it's pretty good. Yeah, I know this charging booth is for e-bikes, but can you charge my laptop? I'm trying to listen to a show. It's all electricity, stupid.
Starting point is 00:12:38 It went up. It went up 1%. We're up 3% now. We got charged. And then this Tom being like, I love her so much. He's a real demon. in the sheets, probably. You respect cigarette.
Starting point is 00:12:52 That is, you young man. Yeah, but so Morgan Freeman. We've been watched and observed and studied for years. Men went to and fro about this world, not knowing that secret aliens had planted weird tripod things on the ground supposedly millions of years ago. And they are just going to obliterate our ass. Slowly and surely, the aliens drew their plans against us.
Starting point is 00:13:14 Real slowly, by the way. Really playing the long con here, you know? Total long con. Absolutely. They're like, let's just wait for them to fuck the environment just enough. But before it gets too bad. We really... Because the actual thing they have to do doesn't take too long as we see.
Starting point is 00:13:30 That's a... What, it's a long week? This is, like, what, a blood harvesting plot? Yeah. I mean, I know it's kept vague, and I know the book and the radio is different. But, like, the plot in this is, all right, we blow up almost everyone. We suck a few guys off in girls, obviously. You can get their blood up to the...
Starting point is 00:13:51 Get some blood plants going, dude. The tripod. Put a few in a cage for walking people. That's your walking snack. Yeah, exactly. But I don't know. Maybe a camp. I want to see more.
Starting point is 00:14:03 What I like... Yeah, and I totally get that, but what I like about it, and you mentioned, like, you know, Morgan Freeman narration versus, like, why didn't someone on the radio say something? Much like the book, I do love that this is just... You're with the character, and you know as much as the character. character knows because I love like I think it's when they're walking to the ferry and you have all
Starting point is 00:14:22 those different people being like oh I heard Europe's destroyed oh I heard Europe got it I do like that I do appreciate that and this sort of fits your one crazy night thing you like it kind of does fit my one crazy day one crazy long weekend yeah with Tim Robbins it's a real crazy night but it's also it's also to the 9-11 point that's very much how this felt you know what I mean I heard Europe is destroyed any number of fucking crazy shit that you were thinking about when you were living through that moment. And I think it pairs very nicely with Munich in that way, which is a more thoughtful
Starting point is 00:14:53 consideration of the history of terrorism where this is all coming from. This is much more like this is what it's like in the shit, buddy. And I think it works like hell. Yeah. Munich gets, that's, that I think is the thing, is like Munich gets as dark as Spielberg's gonna get.
Starting point is 00:15:07 Like that's maybe his darkest movie in terms of just like. There's also Schindler's list, but yeah. Yeah, but I mean, like even there's hopefulness in these other stuff. And like the fuck the pain away thing about the end of Munich is very, it's a dark ending. You know what I mean? I think that that's,
Starting point is 00:15:20 we could, fuck you is the end of the movie. I mean, literally, the end of the movie is Jeffrey Riss saying, fuck you. This ending could have been darker is kind of where I'm thinking. Obviously, the kids should be dead. It takes out of the wind out of the sales of that scene. Why did I even see it? Okay, so the entire, we'll get there,
Starting point is 00:15:36 but the entire ridge explodes in a fireball, all the Marines are dead, and magic, boy, I guess he's Goku. I didn't realize he's Goku. He was Goku the whole time. He flew away, he's Goku. Goku can fly, right? Now, be careful.
Starting point is 00:15:49 I believe so. I'm the only one of the four of us that have not seen that movie yet. So just, what movie? Goku. I thought you were saying Grogu. No, no. Jesus Christ. No, he's Goku.
Starting point is 00:16:01 Yeah, he's, I believe he could fly a really high anime jumping, which amounts to flying, I believe. And these guys are, it's not in the Pokemon world. No. Do you, Dragon Ball Z? Dragon Ball Z. And I believe James Marsters is in that. bad movie. Oh, now I do know that that movie exists because I remember that
Starting point is 00:16:20 there's like a photo of him and I was like, go. Well, because they tried, they also tried to sweep that one when everybody was reconsidering Speed Racer because it has a similar look to it kind of. Everybody was trying to sweep that one. Like, this is also good and you're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, no, you watch that.
Starting point is 00:16:35 I tell you watch that right there. You're log on to X and they'll be saying any movie is good. Like literally anything is a new masterpiece. Yeah, there's all kinds of idiots on the, on the X. He's a dock worker doing big dock stuff moving shipping containers that may or may not be full of ludicrous people inside of it. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:16:55 It's slowed up because of the straight of her moves now. They do make a point. He is a specialist. He can get 40 of these fuckers down on their locks in an hour. That is so hilarious. This boss is like begging him to work overtime because he's the best. Like, I got no one else. I can move 40 containers at that amount of time.
Starting point is 00:17:14 It's like, well, then train your dudes better. I expected him like halfway through the film to have to use those powers to get like something out of one of those game machines. Oh, nice. He's his claw machine skill. The claw machine. On the road, that would be a good one. See, that it's a, or he has to, he lures the gleep-glops to the dock station and gets in the thing and then uses the claw to fight the tripod. And he drops a container of fentanyl on them.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Yeah. You don't. And then six miles away, a bunch of cops pretend to pass out. Yes, exactly. Oh, wait. No, this is not human remains. This is fent. Sorry, they look the same.
Starting point is 00:17:47 But if he's using that claw, maybe this alien's got Dakota Fanning and he gets to stay away from her, you bitch, in there. Now we're having fun. Oh, there we go. Now we're ripping off. All we're off is. I'll say, we'll all say stuff that we're, oh, here's what they should have done. It'll still make it bad. They're still.
Starting point is 00:18:03 Oh, none of it's cool. These are still bad ideas that I'm saying specifically. But he's got his kids this weekend, which it's a little unclear how long the layoff is between, because he's got the house made up. But, like, it's clear like the kids. kid the boy has outgrown whatever his side of the room is kind of a thing how long what's been going on like how long is it since the last visit of seeing the kids or like i haven't seen you since christmas or you you missed my birthday these kinds of thing the wife has a line that it's like i think they've outgrown that sharing that one bedroom yes exactly because this kid jacket well she's seen
Starting point is 00:18:35 this good jacket off like nonstop is that right well he's fucking 16 exactly and his mom is miranda auto look out oh jesus my own mother uh so yeah you know uh much like a bridge troll. He lives right under the Bayonne Bridge, which is great. And yeah, we're dropping off. It's the mom and then Tim, the stepdad, this guy with like three hands. Who's this other guy? I couldn't place him. Three cheers for Tim. The smartest divorced man I've seen on screen. He is staying out of the way of everything. I'll wait outside. Smart boy.
Starting point is 00:19:06 My God, what a smart boy. While turning his children against him. Yes. And a complete, like, making the Boston fans because he's from Boston. Don't get in the way. of the guy making the mistakes. Tim knows what's up because nothing but making mistakes on the fucking Tom Cruise front.
Starting point is 00:19:24 He just fucking stays away from it. Just run out that clock, Tim. They'll get banned from seeing him eventually. This is David Allen Bash. He was in a complete unknown. He's in United 93. A lot of posts down. He's around.
Starting point is 00:19:34 He's around. I thought he was maybe a dude that had possibly dated Elaine Venice at one time. Oh, definitely that's possible. It looks like one of those guys. He's fungworthy. I'd let him hit. Hey gang, today's episode is brought to you by ZVox.
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Starting point is 00:22:01 because so other movies, which I give credit to Spielberg and Kep for this, which is it's the divorced family during the apocalypse, and the big triumphant other guy that's raising your kids that gets killed either heroically or cowardly, and it moves mommy and daddy back together, which I'm glad that does not happen in this movie.
Starting point is 00:22:20 I think it's, credit to this movie. It's a huge. huge thing for Spielberg to like it's not about that family reuniting. At the end, it has nothing to do. He's outside still. It's actually about him being like, no, I have a new life. I'm not this person anymore. The best thing though is
Starting point is 00:22:34 the two like his former in-laws at the end is like we do learn all about how like Miranda Otto's parents don't think shit about Tom Cruise's character, whatever. And then it's like I saved your fucking granddaughter morons. Look at the eat shit. But see, so
Starting point is 00:22:49 he's doing whatever. There's just a lot of stuff about like, I guess they're like babying, Dakota Fanning. That's the whole suitcase bit. Like, she can carry it. It's like kind of half and half. Well, here's the thing. Everybody's kind of wrong. We're all going off about how fucking great Tim is, by the way.
Starting point is 00:23:06 He sits there and watches his pregnant wife pull a suitcase out of him. That's a really good thing. Wow, man, chivalry, huh? Look at this. Well, you know you're not supposed to like Tim. He's wearing a turtleneck. There's just no universe you're supposed to like Tim in this thing. I mean, how could you?
Starting point is 00:23:18 And he's also like, oh, you're driving this nice safe car you got here, Tim. I'm like, you're driving the asshole mobile fucking Tom. This thing. This is what he's picking up cigarette in. Exactly. He's got a good car. It's a midlife crisis car that Tom Cruise has this like muscle car or whatever. Tim has a responsible SUV or mini vending or whatever this fucking thing is because he's got actual.
Starting point is 00:23:40 He's raising your two kids and he's got another on the way. Yeah. I will say, I think it's appropriate for this character because he's clearly like a car guy. He's got car shit all over the house. So I don't know if it's a midlife. That's like a rich dude buys like a fucking Lamborghini because he's 50 and once whatever. It's still a rich
Starting point is 00:23:57 car. I kind of wait. That again, I think the girlfriend would solidify this. It would. Like, you know, there's something that's way too young. Like even, not even cigarette, but like some 22 year old girl that's like hanging around Tom Cruise and Meredana's like well, she seems nice. Like what of those
Starting point is 00:24:13 kind of deals? You know what I mean? Oh, where'd you find her? Well, or is he sexless in this by the way. Yes, he is. I mean, if we saw him work on the car. If that was more of what it was all about, like, all you see is the fucking engine in the middle of the fucking, like, oh, I'm supposed to eat pizza, pizza next
Starting point is 00:24:29 to this fucking grease thing. Great. Which also, don't you know your kids are coming this weekend? Oh, but dude, he definitely forgot because he doesn't think about them kids. When he russes up the stairs to close that bedroom door. You know, it's like you see the bed's messy, but you know there's a mountain of pornography. Exactly. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:24:45 you didn't see the loose pornography just out of the door frame. Bucats of porn. The door closed. What are you closing the door? for a lot in here. Did I just hear someone in there? No. Quiet cigarette, quiet. That's the aliens.
Starting point is 00:24:58 What aliens? They're coming. I love it when you come home from work smelling like that sucks. Calm down. My kids are here. Oh, hello, Robbie. You're getting older than Robbie. Boy, it looks like I'm not the only one in the house smoking right now.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Ray, you should give him some of your adult magazines. The boy needs some help. Got a loin someday, Ray. Ray, get me some of that cocaine. You're smuggling to the containers to buy that fucking car. Or he's married to a woman that was rescued from one of those containers. Oh, nice. There you go.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Hello, Robbie. Looks like I'm not the only one smoking in the house right now. Yeah, and Tom Cruise is like, yeah, who saved who? I mean, she saved me. She's a rescue, but she saved me. We get the most douche-ch-chilled game of kids. catch ever between a father and son. And dude, Tom Cruise going for the face
Starting point is 00:25:57 whipping this fucking fastball at this kid. It's a good, this is a good, even though I think he's miscast or I would just change some stuff about the character. I think he's good in this movie, especially as asshole dad. Like, because he used to have asshole face, as I've said a couple of times on this show, like way back, like his first color of money had asshole face, the whole movie.
Starting point is 00:26:15 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's bringing it back in this a little bit, especially during this scene with the fucking, where the Boston hat and he's just like really whipping it at this kid it's a real dickhead move i mean yes and but the kid you know it's a deliberate affront to his father yeah who's a big yankees fan by where and like i guess the mother's from boston that's where that's where they run to yeah because that's what the parents live yeah so maybe it's it's he's the son's deliberately taking sides i get why sure and i also get why tom cruz is frustrated but to destroy your own window what are you thinking well just i mean
Starting point is 00:26:50 to prove you're willing to go that far, I think, is Tommy's whole point. He doesn't intentionally destroy his own window. He throws a fastball at his son's face and the son dodges it, ratcheting it up like that. He knows where he's going with. You're an asshole. It's why I hate coming here. Is that why you always act like such a dick, says Tom Cruise.
Starting point is 00:27:09 My argument is, don't throw at the house. There's a perfectly other, there's a horizontalness to the yard you could throw. You wouldn't throw it at that car, though. The window. If it was there. Yeah. Well, because the guys, he cares about the car more than the kid. It's not a mystery.
Starting point is 00:27:24 He hates these kids. Fuck them kids. Well, it's good. Even more so, like, he just sees his kids and it's like, he whips this fucking ball. The kid storms off. We're calling him Ray. We're using it. We're not saying dad.
Starting point is 00:27:35 We're calling him Ray. That's good. Fuck you. Yeah. And Dakota Fan is like, what are we going to eat? And he's like, order something. Here we go. She orders the hummus.
Starting point is 00:27:45 And it's like, he's had hummus. He's had hummus. I'm sorry. Like, you live just outside. York City. Yes. You not only have you had it before, you definitely know what it. He's like, what are you eating there?
Starting point is 00:27:55 It's like fucking hummus dip shit. It's not made of hamburger. Why isn't this made of hamburger? And it's also the health food store. And again, like, that dude's fucking top cruise, ladies and gentlemen. He's had health food before. He's only shopping at the health food store. Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:09 You can't be a dock worker that looks like that and eat at the place where dock workers normally eat. We need like a big fat guy in this role or something. Like someone that you could see being this character. Well, you know who's, he wasn't yet, he wouldn't be famous for many years. But in a deleted scene, apparently, according to IMDB, is David Harbor. Yeah. That's a dude who believably works at the docks.
Starting point is 00:28:31 You know what I mean? It was pretty stranger thing, so I'm sure he was a little huskier, let's say, you know what I mean? Like, looking like a dude that works at the fucking docks in Brooklyn. And then he's like, what's hummus? I kind of believe that. But Tom Cruise being like, what's hummus? I'm like, okay. Oh, also great, great, 2005.
Starting point is 00:28:49 50 meter right here when Dakota is like, you know, dad, you should really get TiVo. Tim got me TiVo for my room and it's awesome and I was like, TiVo. Oh, Tivo. Wow. And then like his line of like, yeah, I'll just put
Starting point is 00:29:03 on my platinum card. I think Tom Cruise has a platinum card. David Harbor, I don't know. Okay. Is it the character or is it Tom Cruise? Come on. I do think there should be like he was a disgraced English professor and this is the only
Starting point is 00:29:18 job that he could find at the time. Again, due in part to Cigarette's uncle, who's the foreman or whatever. Now we've got a rich backstory going here. But this is after Tom Cruise. Because Tom Cruise, by the way, we got to mention, has worked like an overnight shift. And he's dealing
Starting point is 00:29:34 with all the shit with these kids and the ex-wife and her new husband all before he's going to sleep. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. And then he does the, you know you're fucking dead on your feet, dude. He's sleeping in jeans. It's grotesque. You've also taken off like your shirt and your shoes at that point.
Starting point is 00:29:49 You're not drunk. I know you're tired, but take those jeans off. You can't be sleeping in jeans. Get fully naked. Just ripping out. Now, with the kids in the house if something goes wrong, you know, oh, dad, dad. Oh, fuck my fucking. That's true. That's actually true. You got to run fast. You don't want your pee-foppy cock. No, you do not.
Starting point is 00:30:06 They're humiliating. You don't want to Tim to see that. Oh, he'll get so much mileage off of that. Tim. We'll live another five years off that shit. Are you serious? So he wakes up and there's all this crazy lightning and cloud formation stuff going on outside and Tim has, or Tim, Robbie the son, has stolen the muscle car and gone out for a joyride somewhere and it's just a little Dakota Fanning eating her hummus here.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Robbie will watch Batman forever the night before. That's what Robin does in the middle of the movie. So obviously it makes sense. It's why we would do that. Does he do the mop thing in the laundry room too? He does a bad Latin accent while he's in the car. But yeah, this is where we have Amy Ryan as neighbor with toddler. Everybody's going out in the backyard looking up at the formation here. I do love a lightning strike happens and man, I had a problem on minority report with Tom Cruise using the F word, but he is really good with his delivery of the word shit. Yeah. And there's a lightning strike that happens and he's got a really superb. Holy shit. And the sound design is fantastic. And I think again, most, if not all the effects really, really
Starting point is 00:31:08 hold up in this movie. I just here's my question. We can talk about it more when we get there, though. Like, why did the Gleap Glop's have to be CGI? Yeah. That's the one that build me puppets. That's all. I don't even know why we see them. It's like one scene, right? It's not a lot. Like, do I even bother at that point? They look very, and they also look very Independence Day-esque,
Starting point is 00:31:26 you know what I mean? Like that's a similar head. And that whole scene, I mean, we'll get to with the seeking schlong, I call it. The slong that goes into the basement. Camera eye, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:35 It's just, it's Jurassic Park Raptor scene, but less good. I mean, less good than that scene. I think it's a good scene. We'll get to it. So, yeah, the power's going out.
Starting point is 00:31:45 The phones are going down. All these cars are dead. So it's like everything that works off of electricity in one way another is totally done. And he's sort of walking around the streets to see what, you know, the people of the neighborhood can glean from this. We run into Yule Vasquez. He's nobody wants to wear the ribbon from Seinfeld. And Rick Gonzalez as Vincent, although neither of these guys get names. This is IMDB, but he's the kid who plays Spanish and old school, one of the pledges there.
Starting point is 00:32:13 He was making a lot of noise back in the early odds. It's a very, Tom Cruise is king in the neighborhood here. I was like, hey, Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise. And I'm curious if in any part of the development, because everybody, Amy Ryan, all these kids have these like thick Jersey, New York. Oh, what the fuck accents? You think Tom Cruise ever entertained that for this character and like, decided to back off or?
Starting point is 00:32:36 I mean, has he done voices? I mean, like less, whatever the, the Tropic Thunder is a voice. I mean, in Cocktail, he's supposed to be from like Long Island City around there. But there's no way. I don't think there's an accent there. He doesn't really do. He does a little southern in the outsiders and maybe some other he kind of. Oh, I guess he's doing the Irish one in the Irish one.
Starting point is 00:32:55 That's not an accent. Oh, what? Is that far away? Far away, yes. Where is he actually from? Is it like a secret government lab or a Scientology? I think it's just Midwest, like Kentucky? Yeah, I think he's from like Syracuse or something.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Oh, really? New York? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Well, that's with a lab. Or like a western New York town. I think so anyway. So then, you know, you know, it's conceivable someone from Western New York would move.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yeah. Jersey. Yeah, but everybody else's guy. I'm just curious if anybody only one. Yes. Because I was like, oh, wait, oh, is it. I knew you guys. I knew you two guys were behind this whole thing.
Starting point is 00:33:24 It's a funny little New Yorkie kind. Hey, you what, a lot kind of thing. But yeah, we get everybody, they're looking at this hole in the ground and they're realizing like the lightning, what these lightning strikes have made these really deep holes in the ground and everybody's kind of like lightning wouldn't really do this. And then you got this great line. There's something down there. And it's moving.
Starting point is 00:33:42 And the street all starts collapsing right. This all looks really great. I kind of like, I like how the street like breathes in and breathes out and pops. Oh, that big sinkhole moment. Yeah, that's pretty fucking sweet. It is kind of interesting that it's a post-9-11 movie. And like, I think later, like one of the first things that Dakota Fanning says, when everything goes tits up is it the terrorists?
Starting point is 00:34:02 Because again, we're living in that world. But I feel like a lot of New Yorkers with this shit would just be like, I'm not going near that. Like, everyone's like putting their mouth on it. There's way too much slack-jawed gawking going on for four years after 9-11. A commentary of what maybe, I mean, did 9-11 happen in this reality or not? Because like during 9-11, like people were kind of cheeky about it. Oh, yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:34:23 And taking photos with, with 9-11, I call it. I think he does a good job of splitting it right down the middle because there are these people who are gawking. But then when Tom Cruise survives all this, when he gets back to home, nobody knows what's going on. Yeah. It's like, it is very neighborhood-centric to like, there's all these people who have no idea what the fuck are. They heard all of this shit. And they're just like, ah, it's the city. What, what have you?
Starting point is 00:34:49 The hustle and bustle. Who knows? When we moved here, we knew what would happen. The great thing, when the sinkhole happens, and so this is the first tripod is coming out of the ground. The first building to fall and be destroyed is a church. Yes. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:04 Which is exactly what would happen. Religion, you were out the window, my friend. There's fucking aliens driving tripod mobiles. And we've lost faith in each other, too. So, you know, that's right there. Would it be, like, I like that we're not, we're not destroying, like, landmarks and stuff. Because in the, I guess, in the original book or in the radio play, you do. And is that because it's so close after 9-11?
Starting point is 00:35:27 Wouldn't it be more 9-11 to take out the Empire State Building or something? I think also we've seen at this point, and we'd seen that so much. That it's kind of exhausted. Oh, fuck, they just blew up the optima. Where am I going to get my cigarettes? These things don't have respect for nothing, Ray. What do you mean they took out the liquor store? Oh, the liquor store?
Starting point is 00:35:49 How's it possible, babe? It's liquor 11. Licker 11. Wait a minute. Nightshades fell down. Where am I going to dance now? Pink pony fell? What's next to put applesauce?
Starting point is 00:36:05 Applesauce is down? You didn't want to go to applesauce anyway. There was always stuff on the floor. They always let you dance. They never gave you any guff. I do love, it's a great effect because it's a smart way to get a PG-13 rating but also be chilling as fuck.
Starting point is 00:36:19 These people aren't absolutely getting like, you know, like, I don't know, Toby Hooper splattered, but they're turned into dust, which is like, very chilling. Yes. I was thinking about that, especially because I'm like three episodes away from finishing the boys. And on that show, people are popping like grapes all the time. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 00:36:36 And it's every single time it is, and you wouldn't be able to, If it was just a light beam, just making people burst, like you're stomping grapes in a winery. Like, ready or not two style explosions. Like, I just, yes. The ash is cool. I like, like, Tom Cruise, like, washing the people out of his hair.
Starting point is 00:36:55 That's a great moment when he gets back to the house. And she's, like, one of the kids is, like, what's all over your face? And he's, like, my fucking friends and neighbors, as a matter of fact. He has so many good facial expressions in this movie. Like, a lot of acting with his face here. And this is when it's just like, oh, it's fucking. And you're right, Steve, it is very 9-11. Like, it's ash from the debris.
Starting point is 00:37:17 My father was down there during 9-11. He had an interview at Building 7. No, he didn't plant anything. It wasn't a control thing. Anyway, so afterwards, he went to the, afterwards when he got back, he went to the bar. He didn't go home. Maybe this is where the bar would have fit into this. Yeah, like, holy shit, what's going on out there?
Starting point is 00:37:32 Get a quick double. Absolutely. Well, I also like that they do that because it makes the blood thing at the end pop so much more. Yes, that's true. that you don't have any of that in this first part. You're right. If they were exploding like ready or not and then you saw that it's so freaky when he opens that door.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Because it's another what the fuck is all over me? Oh no. Oh geez oh boy. But yeah these people are just getting dusted. It's pretty fucking cool. You know what I was thinking about actually was the crystalline entity from TNG. Oh yeah. Similar lawnmower effect with its laser beams. We're running, Tom Cruise running. You've got to have
Starting point is 00:38:08 it. Oh, absolutely. It was so good at it. There is a great, I think it's like when he gets. gets most of the dust on his face. And I did not, I mean, I only saw this movie once before. I liked it much more. But like, at the time, I remember being in the theater, like, not into it. So I maybe miss this entirely. There's a woman filmed, like, running.
Starting point is 00:38:26 And she explodes. And he runs through her dust. It's fucking grim. He literally eats her dust. She's running in front of him, and he eats her dust. That's unfortunate. The effect kind of looks a little bit like the mummy. Scorpion King era a little bit with the CGI but like it's still incredibly
Starting point is 00:38:46 A little better than the Scorpion kid well no god I caught it a few years ago I caught part of that on TV oh no that is a cartoon his movie or his appearance in that second mummy movie I think the movie I've actually never seen the scorpion king what it's awful oh dude I went right to theaters for that and like a fucking garbage person oh yeah but yeah I think the real bad CG I because in whatever the bad Cgen I was because in the the Scorpion King movie it's like a prequel and it's just Dwayne Johnson as a person. Oh yeah, at the end of the at the end of the movie two he turns into the
Starting point is 00:39:17 Scorpion. Maybe that's what I'm doing with and it just looks bad. It is incredibly bad and yes I was joking a little bit. This is not that bad but it just kind of reminded me of like aughts even like horror stuff where like a face turned differently. It takes him a while Ray Ferrier's character to remember like oh right I have like a nine year old girl just hanging out in my shitty
Starting point is 00:39:40 apartment that does that have power. I think for large swaths of the movie, the nine-year-old girl forget she's a nine-year-old girl. Yeah. Because she's just silent and not doing anything and inactive. I think, no, she's, I think she's pretty well captured. I think she's a bad actress. I'm just saying, like, this movie doesn't give her anything. When thirst strikes and your energy begins to fade, one hero rises above the rest.
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Starting point is 00:41:02 She's also like clearly got like shock syndrome at some point So there's like a there's at least a reason for her Not talking through a lot of it I mean like a now the thing is I don't have children I don't know shit from Shinole but if I see a nine year old they're usually screaming well this girl does the fair share of screaming
Starting point is 00:41:21 and I think it should be throughout I think that's sort of you got to fucking I can't be listening to two hours that's the thing you know what I mean that's not be more accurate that does not a watchable movie okay so then what if it's Tom and Cigarette and they're trying to survive the apocalypse
Starting point is 00:41:38 I'm not going to that basement with that weirdo. He wants to have sex with me. The idea of cigarettea leaving that house. It's not happening. Just give it up. I was born next door and I'll die here. O'Malley's is closed now because the coolers are down, but they still have well liquor. Barry said he's opening it four.
Starting point is 00:42:05 Let's wait until four and we'll see. Who's going to look after Uncle Seth's bar stool? It's there all alone by his lonesome. No, no, no, beautiful cigarette. I've heard there's cartons of cigarettes left in Boston. Are there cools? I heard there's cools. I heard there's Newports.
Starting point is 00:42:22 I heard there's Virginia Slims. Oh, wow, it sounds like a promise land. Okay, a broccoli girl and attractive son. Let's get on the road, shall we? Ray and cigarette would go on and on to the coast to find more and more cigarettes. A trail of dead left in. awake. At the end, the aliens didn't realize secondhand
Starting point is 00:42:42 smoke kills. Oh, dude, that's what it is. They fucking take cigarette and they pull her up into the thing to digest her. And then this motherfucking tripod's like, it's like, oh. It's like Randy Quaid in Independence Day. Remember me?
Starting point is 00:42:58 I'm bad. She lights an entire pack at once in her mouth, like file photo of Homer Simpson. Somehow, the ship got melanoma. I don't know how. But yeah, he runs back. He's got fucking people all over him.
Starting point is 00:43:11 And, like, the kids are like, what the fuck? Takes a quick, like, you know, rinse. And he's like, we're leaving the house in 60 seconds. You know, like, grab food. Whatever we can grab, like, let's go. We steal a minivan from his mechanic friend who he has. Mani, who he has previously advised on how to fix this car. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:32 So it's like the only running car in town. No, no, Mandy, you don't get it. Finders fixers, remember? And so this guy's like, you can't take them. What are you doing there, Ray? I'm going to call the cops right now. I know, I mean fixers keepers. Come on. I mean, I do like the just like, get in the car.
Starting point is 00:43:49 Get in the car, manny. He's trying. In the car, manny. And he dies. He just immediately gets fucking vaporized. Lenny Venito of Gile fame. He was also on the Sopranos, a little bit, very Italian American character actor guy. Dude's all over the place.
Starting point is 00:44:03 Yeah, every season of Law & Order at least one. He's playing a different. scumbag and every season. He's always polishing a glass. Yeah, I think I saw somebody. Yeah, exactly. Oh, excuse you, I'm just putting this box over here. Hang on a second. Oh, wait, you knew Lanny Biscoe? Oh, wait, let me put this down. Oh, I knew Laini Briscoe.
Starting point is 00:44:19 Cigarette, haven't seen it. Thanks for lying for me. He's been looking for me for weeks. Oh, and the little sister Stoges? No, I've not. I've seen, I haven't seen there recently. I'm easy, too. What a pair. I do love you see this mechanic just turned to dust like in the rear view mirror of the van.
Starting point is 00:44:45 They do make Tom Cruise out to be as heroic because he's stealing this car from this dude but it's like, he's like, get in the car, manny, come on, manny, I'm trying to save your life. I ain't do it. Oh, no, I'm dust. Oh, shit. Go dance.
Starting point is 00:45:02 I do like the shot here of like all the cars turning in the air. like the oil tanker should falling on Bayonne like it should be and annihilating it from the face of the earth. So did the aliens know
Starting point is 00:45:15 that they were landing in Bayonne or is that more of an accident? It must have been an accident, right? Because millions of years ago they planted these tripods? They didn't know. If they had any idea, I think they would have moved
Starting point is 00:45:25 some of the tripod placement around a little bit. Let's go more of the financial district instead. I think they'll do more damage than Bayon. A rural neighborhood in Bayon? we shouldn't bury one of the pods there the most significant thing to come out of that town is an older sort of cynical radio DJ
Starting point is 00:45:44 who's very funny and hates most people our research said that this is where the headquarters of Burger King would be oh man have it your way uh yep we're on the road we're on the road we're gonna drive up to Westchester basically or North Jersey I think we're sort of going
Starting point is 00:46:04 head north so we drive to north Jersey you can tell because the houses are getting nice and this is like Tony Soprano area of Jersey because this is where Miranda Otto and Tim live so we're going to go their house Dakota Fanning is freaking out that she does have some anxiety tools about being in your place that
Starting point is 00:46:19 just Chatwin knows that Tom Cruise does it and Tom Cruise does no patience for any of it there's a great moment where Tom Cruise tries to like reenact it later and she's like that's not how it fucking goes don't try and you don't care like you know you don't care stop it So guys, the elephant in the room.
Starting point is 00:46:35 We've talked about it recently. I forget where about, I think it was Melro 2.1. Our side show on Beverly Hills in Melrose place. Beverly Hills 90210.O. Of course. But what is with this attempt at making a peanut butter sandwich from Tom Cruise? With a wooden spoon? Thank you.
Starting point is 00:46:50 A wooden cooking spoon. Something you stir pasta with. I mean, I know that we're all shell shot because he tells Justin Chow and grab a bunch of food. He's like, you got a cocktail sauce and blah, blah. He's giving him shit about it. He's like, that's the other food in your house. Pretty funny. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:02 finds peanut butter and bread. You're in a rich person's house that has two kids. Open the refrigerator. Yeah. Find the butler and his pantry. They've definitely got canned shit in there. They've got Annie's little fucking cheddar snacks. I'm not giving Tim the point.
Starting point is 00:47:19 No, I will not. The crazy thing, though, is like, you hate your kids, whatever. Exactly. But you need to know that your daughter has a peanut allergy. How does he not know that? Of all the things to forget, butter. The birthday, the middle name, it's all fine. Peanut butter.
Starting point is 00:47:36 I would say hummus is too close to peanut butter. You're not having that. Dude, you will, if you get sucked off by cigarette, you'll forget your birthday, little alone where your daughter's allergic to. Last time I was with cigarette, she made me forget my name for a week. Oh yeah, come here, sweetie. I'll give you a menthol number.
Starting point is 00:47:52 You know, if the little one was gone, me and you could spend more time together, you know, and I heard that she doesn't like peanuts. that's oh man but that would add something to that but you're right dude this is atrocious sandwich making it's
Starting point is 00:48:08 disgusting I mean a peanut butter A wooden spoon A wooden fucking spoon That's the other thing is like you're in this house They've got cutlery The silverware drawers got to be right there They got nice plates I'm sure Everyone making the movie hasn't made their own food before
Starting point is 00:48:22 Honestly right Like no one knows what it is He's I mean like that's the I think the difference between this and the Beverly Hills The Beverly Hills thing is an atrocity because that is a situation in which you thought through a new way to do that. You were like, it's Brenda Walsh doing what? Brenda is stirring the jelly and the peanut butter in a bowl together before spreading.
Starting point is 00:48:45 There it is. That is a different, like this, it's a difference between utility and what you're actually making the sandwich with, what the things of the sandwich are. She had thought through this stupid idea of what you're, how you're going to create the meat of your sandwich. He just was like, oh, I'm being funny. Here's a stupid spool. Are you telling me, like, Tim doesn't have a butter knife? Tom Cruise called Steven Spielberg and David Kebs. I got a couple of notes.
Starting point is 00:49:11 I love the blood stuff. It's really cool. The dust, whatever a tripod is, I can see it in my head. On page 61, what is a sandwache? What is my character doing here? Why is he doing it? What is a sandwich? I thought that they were driving in, like, northern New Jersey.
Starting point is 00:49:28 Where is there a beach? around there? What's with all the sand? I don't get it. Oh, you mean, oh, okay. So it's like a lettuce wrap with bread. It's a bread wrap. You have a bread wrap is what you want me to make. So it's peanut. It's from peas, which are greens, but it's brown?
Starting point is 00:49:43 What are you talking about? I'm really confused here, Stephen. Also, you would never use a knife for any butter. You would use, of course, a wooden spoon. That's what you use for all butter. Few more notes. Page 61, 68, 69, 100, 150, 100, 44. All too close to
Starting point is 00:49:58 Lord Zinu. Please strike that from the script. He would be benevolent when he comes. Now here's the thing. Might be some abhorrent sandwich making. Great A sandwich throwing. Oh yeah. Incredible. Because he's so
Starting point is 00:50:14 pissed off at these kids because she's like peanut allergy and he's like, all right, well, that one's on me. That's understandable. And then this fucking teenage boy has to be like, I'm not hungry either. And this dude, God, he's at his wits end. He throws. throws this sandwich against this wall and it sticks to the window.
Starting point is 00:50:32 He's got half this neighborhood in his ears right now. He's got a right to throw that sandwich. Exactly. No, at some point, I just want to like scream to the TV like, you two need to cut this guy a break. You have no idea. The thing that you saw happen to the fucking gas station guy, he saw that happen to 60 people in the neighborhood.
Starting point is 00:50:49 And he ran through one of them and ate part of her. We go to a furnished basement for a bit because... Too big. Too big, yeah. This is a huge base. This huge basement. Like the looks at this basement. I can get into all sorts of trouble down here.
Starting point is 00:51:02 I like a good finished basement. Even Tom Cruise, he walks in and he's like, that's a pretty big basement. I guarantee you if the camera panned a little bit, you would see like some movie style seats at a popcorn machine. Big time, dude.
Starting point is 00:51:14 That's the style of the time, 2005. We love the popcorn machine for no reason. I wouldn't do a kitsy, stupid popcorn machine because, listen, I've made popcorn and popcorn machines enough for my life. Sure. but I would if I was a homeowner
Starting point is 00:51:30 and I had a finished basement there would be a home theater there and it would be the most expensive waste of money you've ever seen but zero stupid popcorn maker but that's saying I think it's correct that there would be a popcorn maker down there because Tim bought one thinking
Starting point is 00:51:43 he's going to use it all the time and it was there for I'm telling you maybe two weeks honey we'll never have to go to the movies again honey DVD just came out he looked like half way through Memento on fucking Amazon Prime He's like, you know what? It's taken up too much room.
Starting point is 00:51:59 I got to bring it downstairs. No, no, no, fuck this. I can't do this. So in the middle of the night, we're trying to sleep in this basement. The lightning strikes start happening again. They wake up. And Tom's like, this is not the exact same things before. This is something else.
Starting point is 00:52:14 And then, like, this basement gets fucking torch. They hide in a sub-basement. This is some fucking barbarian shit here. A basement at the end of your basement corridor? Tim is a weird video camera. set up here a bucket and a bloody mattress. Well, I was just getting started, okay?
Starting point is 00:52:32 I didn't get the time. That would be fucking hilarious though. If Tom Cruise like runs for that door and Dakota Panning's like, no, that's Tim's special room. We're not supposed to go in there and he opens up in the Barbarian studio. Yes. It'd be nice for Tim to, so it would be cliche for Tim to be a bad, bad guy. It would be funny.
Starting point is 00:52:49 It would be fun. Kiddy porn dungeon. It's a bit of a barbarian. What are you going to do? A bit of a barbarian. Tom, Tom. Tom. next morning situation comes and Ray goes outside and wouldn't you know it? A plane has crashed in the neighborhood and a big motherfucking jet
Starting point is 00:53:06 and these houses are desolate like the aliens have come through and destroyed this neighborhood. There's actually a really funny episode of, I think it's not this current season, but the last season of Hacks where Jane Adams and Hannah, odd binder walk through this scene in,
Starting point is 00:53:23 like it's still up in Paramount. Oh, yes. They go to, the mom and daughter are walking through this scene. And I'm actually, I'm like, yeah, that's the matter of correct. Good for you. You really thought it. Good for you.
Starting point is 00:53:35 Man, that shows, it's ending on a high note. I hear this. I haven't gone to this new season by here. It's been so good. But it is funny because these kids were like, no, we want to sleep in our beds. And he was like, we should probably sleep in the basement. Good move. Listen, you're never going to win father of the year, but that was a good move, dude.
Starting point is 00:53:53 I guess slept through a plane crash, which was many people's nine. 11 experience. Yeah. But this is where we meet this news crew. And I like this because this is just, it's just the teeniest glimpse. It's the only time we get a view in what's going on in the outside world. And it's,
Starting point is 00:54:08 I love the start of it because he's looking at the fuselage and he sees a dude up there moving the snack cart. And he's like yelling at this guy. Like, were you on the plane, sir? And it turns out like he's a cameraman who's gone deaf due to the explosion that happened right next to him. And so he meets this producer. And this woman sort of gives him the lay of the land.
Starting point is 00:54:25 here's, oh man, you haven't heard. She's showing them all these tapes that she's got of all the... I think she's trying to fuck this dude a little bit. Wow, you know what I mean? It's in the world and this guy comes in? I was expecting you want to come with us? Like, you're really like, you want to have a band? Hey, hot time, come on in.
Starting point is 00:54:37 She needs to be a little dirtier, but she's the overall makeup of a cigarette. I hear you, man. You get a little bit more dirt on her and she's correct for a cigarette. I thought you meant in different ways. Oh, yeah. Dialogue, costuming. You can do the whole thing if you so wish. I do like that she's like, he's like, there's more than one of these.
Starting point is 00:54:54 She's like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, she's like, you gotta be kidding. And that's the, that's the, that's the attitude. Yeah, yeah, you gotta be kidding me. That cigarette, she's just got a little bit of English on some of those expressions there. And she's been analyzing these tapes like she's Alex Jones. She's like, look at here, look at take a look at this, right, the moment of the alien lightning strike. You can see clearly a capsule with an alien pilot going down into the ground pilot.
Starting point is 00:55:18 These aliens are pretty cool, man. They're riding the lightning. Are you watching the dude? One one's got a devil horn. Like, whew-hoo. It's totally fucking serves up, dude. You could even make the argument that they are the masters of puppets. That's true.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Come on now. Look, it's right there. They're possibly from Asgard or some other type of Thor type of world. They are going to kill them all. So, come on. It's right there. Or they go full point break. They're wearing fucking President Nixon masks.
Starting point is 00:55:47 These aliens. What a rush. Really stretching it over. their big fucking weird shaped heads. I was speaking of presidents, I'd have thought when the kid comes back at the end, why not Abe Lincoln, JFK? Everyone else was wrong.
Starting point is 00:56:01 I survived as well. They just put me on ice. What is the thing that she asks him and he responds and then she goes, too bad it would have been a really good story. He was going to be on the plane. Oh, yeah. Were you on the plane?
Starting point is 00:56:18 Yes, she's wondering. Do your children need a mother? I need some cigarettes. They storm off. I like the scene where it's like, I'm going to carry my little daughter through this record. Just keep your eyes close. Keep on me.
Starting point is 00:56:32 Yeah, just look at me. You don't want to look at what's going on here. And this is the first glimpse we see. The Robbie character is sort of looking around in the carnage. You can see him like kind of getting mad. Sure. Wanting revenge for what's been done upon his stepdad's neighborhood. Which he loved so much.
Starting point is 00:56:49 He really, he was. Loved him more than dad, Ray. I suppose. And here's the thing. If we got to take a pee break, we're all going. I know Tom Cruise tries to do this. We've got to be more forceful, Tom Cruise. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:57:01 Everybody's got to go together. You can't let this little girl just run across this fucking field like this, man. You can't even do this in peacetime, let alone fucking... Exactly. Well, you can't do it in peacetime because the Zodiac Killer might be around. Precisely. Or is some sort of other child killer. But yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:57:15 Well, her mother really usually takes care of this stuff. I don't know. I'm usually over there making the peanut butter sandwiches. Which she loved. She just eats those things down. But I'm glad that he's such an irresponsible parent because this leads to one of the eeriest parts of this movie. And it's just, and it's it's the Spielberg way to do this, right?
Starting point is 00:57:37 She gets to this riverbank, which I guess at first I'm like, you're going to piss in the river? Like, what are you doing? But then you just see the one body floats down and you're like, wow, that's disturbing. This poor little girl. And seconds later, just a sea of bodies float down in front of her. And this is where it's like, snap, something broke in this kid. Yes.
Starting point is 00:57:56 Like, oh my God. Apparently, according to the trivia, or if it's to be believed, I should say, they lost a couple of these dummies in the river filming, and the dummies just, like, got away and they couldn't find it. So they had to, like, send word to the local police around the area, like, hey, if someone reports seeing, like, a couple of bodies floating in the river, I mean, maybe their bodies, but there's a good chance it's two mannequins we lost. Check first.
Starting point is 00:58:23 The moonlit killer was like, perfect. This is a perfect. Oh, my God. No, I never catch me now. I am the moonlit killer. This is the hour of my becoming. Okay. Thank you, Steven Spielberg.
Starting point is 00:58:34 I need to amone you up all my knives. I got to make sure they're good and clean. Oh, okay. So if I just make them look like mannequins, they won't look in the river for them. I mean, that would be, during an alien invasion, people would be the purging you all the time. Oh, absolutely. Well, they almost get purged a little bit down the road there. And again, it's one of those things where, like, I ask a question and the movie doesn't do it,
Starting point is 00:58:54 but then the movie eventually does it. Because, like, when they're driving out of the first neighborhood, I'm like, they should be, they're not getting out of this neighborhood. They're, we're ripping this car apart. Zombies, perhaps. Which eventually happens. It does happen. I'm more thinking, Zinot, are you serious?
Starting point is 00:59:09 You didn't evaporate those bodies. You just push them in the river like that. We got these lasers for use. We get these fucking things evaporated. What's wrong with you? You push them in the water. That's sloppy work, okay, pal. You know, I know you just drained those bodies,
Starting point is 00:59:23 but we should dust up too. We're gonna dust the water. Drinking that water soon, you fucking moron. Heaven forbid. Oh, heaven forbid. Jesus Christ. Have you analyzed the water or any of the conditions on this planet,
Starting point is 00:59:35 which we set up our stuff a million years ago? No. Will we? No. I told you already. I lost those files centuries ago. I'm sure. I'm sure you're perfect.
Starting point is 00:59:47 You're perfect. I mean, just been obliterating people all. morning. You're just a perfect man. Never had a hard drive film. Never lost the paper. It's really weird to watch this movie because I kept expecting these aliens to start eating the data like it was food. You know what I mean? That's a classic War of the World thing. This is the new one. Yes. The Ice Cube movie where they're eating data. I did not see that. So how was that? Not good, actually. If you believe it. I'll tell you this. I watched it about 20 minutes and I aged four years. It's rough. I happily turned them. Bueberg's got it over on the 2025 War of the World's film starring Ice Cube, where in the aliens eat data
Starting point is 01:00:25 and the day is saved by an Amazon Prime delivery drive. This movie's better than that. It is better. And this is not a bad movie. I'm taking the piss out of it. Do you think Jeff Bezos watched that World of the World and was like C-I-Am changing the world? I just saved it. Isn't this what people want from movies? I mean, what else
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Starting point is 01:01:15 Oh, that guy's about as clueless as they come. So, yeah, we get a big, this is like the screaming match goes on here and she freaks out. And then the kid does the, here's how you settle down kind of deal. It's a great line because Robbie's like, we got to go fight the aliens. And he's like, because I think this is the first military procession. Robbie wants to jump on. We got to get back at them. And look, the military is like, we're all full up, dude.
Starting point is 01:01:43 You're seven. Get out of here. This isn't the American Revolution. You can't just fucking tag along and join up with the ranks. One time you see someone, one of the guys saying something, I'm pretty sure he's saying, we are all going to die. We're all dead. By the time this night is over, we are all dead.
Starting point is 01:01:58 But a great Tom Cruise delivery is like, okay, so what's your better plan that doesn't involve your 10-year-old sister joining the Marine? That's so good. But then she gets one over on the brother, and it's a big fuck you to Tom Cruise as the father, right? Because she's like, if you leave, we'll take care of me. Yes, yes. Yes.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Correct. The kid here trying to enlist after seeing what happened to his both neighborhoods. Makes a little more sense than what happened during 9-11. We're all these Texans wanted to defend New York City, which they hate. Yeah. And enlisted. But that's where the terrorists are, Eric. So, like, that's where they need to be.
Starting point is 01:02:34 Well, listen, we're a wretched hive of scum and villainy. We're a progressive, communist fucking backwater, whatever the fuck. But you bet your ass, all those dudes that fucking think that about this town are also the dudes that put the fucking trade towers as their Facebook profile picture on 9-11, like clockwork. We all have all the good terrorists, Eric. We are greedy. The Texas doesn't get all the good ones because we took them all because of our cityness. Right.
Starting point is 01:02:59 I know we got one of the White House. Which other ones are you referring to? Well, there's a lot of them. So we're driving in the rain here. This is where we get to the point we pass a bunch of people who are like, hey, a working car, what the fuck is this? And eventually it just comes to an impasse where like there's too many people in the road. and this is not the kind of movie
Starting point is 01:03:18 where we're going to run them all down in the street. So they start, basically it's like the Walking Dead here. Get out of the fucking car. One dude's like, this is hilarious. We should say he's driving like a Mercury Villager. Like a boxy-ass, 1998 Mercury Villager Mini Mani. Quick question about this whole movie's premise here. So these lightning storms are also like electric magnetic pulses.
Starting point is 01:03:40 They take out cars. Except for Manny's. Well, Manny, there's because Tom Cruise fixed it. He knows the whatever. You got to change out like the catalytic converter, whatever it is. Like, right. So you to push or something.
Starting point is 01:03:52 I saw it with, I had the, the subtitles on it. It said what it was. It's not I've ever heard of. Yeah. But it's, you know,
Starting point is 01:03:59 it's the one. I mean, I'm sure. Cruz. He knows what's the, got it. That's all I needed. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:03 He's a car. Like, again, like, it would have been nice. You only see the fucking engine in the kitchen. If you actually see him working on, I would prefer that. How would make him manny?
Starting point is 01:04:12 You know, give him that job. Why is he even at the container thing? What does it matter? Because that's the only fucking job cigarette could get him. There wasn't any openings at the auto body shop. Her cousin runs it.
Starting point is 01:04:21 I knew. I had to get weird with my cousin just to land you that fucking job. You better not be fucking late. Yeah, that's right. I let Michael kiss me and grab my ass a little bit last Easter just so you can get the job at the fucking factory. You know, he is showing those Polaroids to Uncle Seth. You know, he's not, he's an animal.
Starting point is 01:04:41 You know that about him. I had to do a full phone. Oh, no, shoot. Can you believe because of the whole alien thing, they opened the bar at six o'clock? I mean, they still open, but, you know. I got to tell you, man, you know, I'm sure it would work for an alien attack, but, like, something as, as, not as severe, I guess, as, like a bad blizzard. I love being at a bar.
Starting point is 01:05:06 Oh, yeah. When there's, like, inclement weather kind of a deal or, like, something's happening. The neighborhood bar is a nice place to be. I love being at a bar, period. End of sentence. New idea. Anytime. In good times and bad.
Starting point is 01:05:20 There's a great scene in Gone Girl that gets that when it is snowing, pouring, and Ben Affleck comes out of the thing. And everything else is closed and it's just him with the girlfriend. It's phenomenal. So he's driving this boxy-ass, Mercury Village or whatever. Some guy is like, you could fit 20 people in there. I was like, no, you can. I don't want to hang out with you. I know it's the apocalypse.
Starting point is 01:05:44 I don't hang out. No, we're just friends. I'm trying to get where I'm going. I do like the escalation of this to the first guy, but then switching it over to the guy who finds the gun and making the gun the thing that you're focusing on. Rather than the car as the thing that makes the decision. The funny thing, though, is when Ray fires off his gun to get the crowd to get off the car and whatever, all of these people immediately get so indignant, they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, a gun?
Starting point is 01:06:11 It's like you're about to fucking murder this guy's family and steal the car. You're about to eat Dakota Fanning for food. Exactly. I see you look at your lips, fat guy. Like, come on now. Oh, we were just going to shunna the dead her. Real quick. It's the liberal Hudson Valley they've driven up to.
Starting point is 01:06:26 And that's how it. There's not as many gun people, but there are people that will still rip you apart. But that's, I love that they keep it to this because other movies, weaker movies would make this scene the whole movie. Yes. And like, I love that it's just like this, quick scene. of him like yeah he has this card this thing of value and then he has to give it up and then he is back on just his feet for the rest of it I will say again
Starting point is 01:06:49 it's a two hour movie it moves like there's a lot very many movements we're not doing the walking dead thing that I always say which is like the whole movie's about looking for a fucking can of beans thank God it's not right you know what I mean it's about it moves it does get there I guess he walks all the way to Boston question mark but okay or all like that every like the whole thing is just reminding you like oh people will fuck you over
Starting point is 01:07:11 No, you want another lesson, people will fucking over. We've learned that lesson we can move on to the next one kind of a thing. And this is a cool, this other guy's got a gun and that just doesn't go well for anybody. Well, it's great because that guy with the gun winds up, he gets Tom to put his gun down. And then this dude, because he's just like, I'm taking your van, man, I'm taking your van. And he does. And then when you see Tom and the kids go into like this diner and sort of huddle down, you look out the window, the guy drives like two feet and then someone else just shoots that guy in the head.
Starting point is 01:07:39 There's a great shot of the bald guy looking at it. at the gun. Oh, yes, he finds really wonderful. He shoots him with Cruz's gun. You're right. Yep. But then you hear that off screen. I would love to see his head go pop. I would like to see Tim Robbins be beaten to death. I love that shot. Directed by Steven Spielberg, you're never going to
Starting point is 01:07:55 see any of that. Hey, it's classy. I still like it. I still think it's a very violent, like, you see it through the diner window and you see the guy pointing it right at him. It's the pop effect. You do see that guy get murdered. It's really good. It's so good. And the score is really good. Williams is doing it in this one. It is
Starting point is 01:08:11 Williams, yeah, that's right. Turned down Harry Potter to do this. Good for him, thank God. He probably knew what was up. So in 05, they were probably on the like, Goblet. The fourth one. Yeah, Goblet, right?
Starting point is 01:08:23 Yeah. That man can smell evil. You know that about him. Well, also, like, through all eight of those movies, they are still using his main theme. That's the thing, dude. Once you do, what John knows. Once you get some main Stephen.
Starting point is 01:08:34 You're paying me anyway. Exactly. Like 2005, he did this, memoirs of regisha, and... Did he do Munich? as well. Revenge of the Sith. Revenge of the Sith. My guy, that's a nice year for him. Clean it up. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 01:08:46 Yeah, that dude is sitting pretty with his bank account. That's for sure. He also did Revenge of the Nerds 218. Really? So everyone is walking to this Hudson ferry is where we need to go because we have to cross the Hudson
Starting point is 01:09:01 River to continue going northeast up towards Boston. So this is getting to this little ferry area here. I think this bridge walk type of thing is where I, the extra I was invited to. A cool moment. Or you could have been at the part where the flaming or the Metro
Starting point is 01:09:17 North train drives by right here. Oh, it's Amtrak actually. Oh, was it an Amtrak train? Ooh, the trivia was wrong. Really? Oh, the fuck you trivia. The fucking Metro North doesn't go north of Pekipsy, you fucking sack of shit. I-MDB. More fucking bullshit from the IMDB. I do love
Starting point is 01:09:33 It's... Ray, you just can't trust this website. It's very Steven Spielberg, it's a joke, but the the... The, the... the... the... the... the... the... the... the... the... the... the... the... the Stanchin comes down as a train's coming. It's just on fucking fire. It's so good. Fire train. Fire train.
Starting point is 01:09:46 It's a very, what am I trying to say? It's a a rougher version of the Back to the Future three gang where the thing's going down and Marty's looking both ways and there's no train coming and then duck. Yes, if your ticket isn't on fire before you get on the train, it's
Starting point is 01:10:02 more expensive to light it on fire when you get on the train. It's just cool how those automated systems, obviously the train hit a certain point in the track, and now this is going down. It's going. On its own, it's good. And you know what? It's classy.
Starting point is 01:10:15 Again, classy. You could have had a bunch of people screaming on fire inside of it, but they're all long dead. They're all dead. Everybody's going. But so this is like, here's the military's here helping people get on this ferry. Taking their sweet time in the beginning. I would have moved them a little faster.
Starting point is 01:10:31 I know. I mean, you know, we still had to put mirrors under cars and shit. It's taken forever. And also, they did not. You know, it's not real an emergency until you see. the tripod. That's what I mean I was like crazy. I was losing my mind like it's an alien invasion move these
Starting point is 01:10:46 fuckers now. Also get all these car I mean you'd have to like push them in neutral to get them off but like yeah get them out of no one should be in a car right here. No fuck them. Get more people on. Also it would be tough I know you could probably swim the Hudson if you're really really well they're not with fucking alien ships underneath you I think they would probably
Starting point is 01:11:05 This seems like a no win scenario for everyone. Sure that's that's fair. This is the Lisa Ann Walter comes out of nowhere and is like, hey, Tom Cruise, remember me from that deleted scene? You're like, what the fuck? And again, like she wasn't, Abidt Elementary was, you know, 20, 15, 20 years off. So she's not famous here.
Starting point is 01:11:22 She's just a stand-up. Although at this point, she had definitely been the nanny in the Lindsay Lownd Parent Trap movie. Oh, okay. That's one of her larger roles. Jointie, is that you? Have you heard about Cigaretta? What happened to my love? But yeah, it's just weird like, oh, hey, Ray,
Starting point is 01:11:39 how's it going? Oh, you remember my daughter? Oh, yeah. And then they're like with them for a little bit. He's like, oh, Lisa and Walter like hold onto my jacket. We'll just get. And I'm like, are you in this movie now? What is going on? They're just gone now. They're just, I don't know if I like looked away from the TV or whatever. Like, do they just like lose track of her or is there some like, there's a, the stanchion comes up. Right before. Basically, like, they're getting on very slowly. The guys like, there's another ferry coming right at. Folks, don't worry. We've got fucking cupcakes and beer on here. Come on. Slow and steady.
Starting point is 01:12:12 Also, a ferry to, I mean, if you're crossing the Hudson in a boat, it's less than five minutes. There's also multiple bridges nearby. I won't mention that. I guess maybe they're down. They're probably full. They're probably absolutely backed up to shit. Or they got tripoded. Oh, well, that's it.
Starting point is 01:12:26 Look, calm down. There's only 10,000 of those things. They can't find us all at the same time. Don't worry. But this is great. This is when you see the one in the water. And, like, the guy, the fairy... On the trees.
Starting point is 01:12:39 First you see the... Well, yeah, that's what gets, like, their asses in gear. And it's a great shot. And, again, because we're keeping this so insular and, like, it's this family's story, there's not even, like, a lot of wides at all like this. But this landscape shot of the three tripods, like, coming over the hill and just going into the valley and decimated, man, this looks fucking good.
Starting point is 01:12:56 But with her, the daughter's saying, the trees are weird. Like, it's just a nice little line. That's all you need to do. And, yeah, so basically, they get on, but the other people don't because they're separated. and we see Robbie yet again being heroic. He's trying to help people get over the edge there. This is a nice moment because, again, it's Tom Cruise not saying a word of dialogue. He just smiles enough to be like, you register that's like a proud father moment.
Starting point is 01:13:19 Like, look, he is doing something mature and adult-like. I would say a huge moment because not only does he see that, he understands I'm not doing that. I'm not up there. I am not. I am not. He is holding on to a traumatized 10-year-old girl. But I think it's more to be like, I'm just not that person. Like that's what, to me, this movie keeps coming back to is he's just not a hero.
Starting point is 01:13:40 You know what I would do if I was, you tuck her in, right, late at night there. You say it's going to be all okay. Okay. You slowly slip some peanut butter down her throat. Just to like, it's easy. It's to be better to pass in the night. Just die from this. That's not what happens when you have a peanut allergy, though.
Starting point is 01:13:55 You don't die from it? Well, you die. It's all a bunch of crock of shit. No, it wouldn't be a peaceful death in your sleep. It's a horrible death. You would die choking horribly. Your cells attack you. You choke to death.
Starting point is 01:14:07 Yeah. Anaphylaxis. Okay. What I would like, the move is, you'd rather be alien? Here's that. But I'm just saying that's not going in your sleep. I would see. That's, that's waking up going, what the fuck is happening, suffering and dying.
Starting point is 01:14:20 This is where you grab the pillow. The pillow is bad. That's fine. No, what I'm doing, the ferry, uh-oh, here comes the aliens. And I'm like, you know what, guys, I'm exhausted. Hey, over here. Let's just, let me the dust me. Dust me, dust me, is.
Starting point is 01:14:35 As soon as possible. Yeah, well, you'd be, you'd be pro dusting. I'd be pro-dusting. I'd want to get fucking in that little cage and blooded out. I just, the dust ray is what I'm bad. It's not a bad way to go. It's instantaneous, dude. Like, you might even not see it common, like that jogger.
Starting point is 01:14:49 I mean, Steve, if you don't even bother to leave your house during this, you might just be crushed. Yeah. You know, that's the most honorable way to go out is to be crushed by a building. Jersey City pretty close to Bayonne. You'd be one of the first to go, honestly. Or a fire, I guess you'd also be fireballs to be fireballs. And I guarantee you there'd be some, like, fucking religious, It's just like, oh, when you get, when the beam just sends you to heaven or what, you know what?
Starting point is 01:15:09 I'm sure. Some heaven's hate shit, you know what? Some Scientology shit. Like, what's that beam? We'll send you to the next level. The dustians are, they've taken over what's left. Oh, dude, the dust devils, look out. But dude, dust me daddy.
Starting point is 01:15:22 Let's do it. Let's fucking do it. Let's do it quick. We would all be dusted. That should be our new podcast. We should change the name of this to dust me daddy. We'd get some press. But yeah, so this tripod comes up out of the,
Starting point is 01:15:35 of the water, knocks this fucking boat over. This is awesome. The old, we're coming up for air. Oops, right by the huge propeller. Look out for that. Pretty great. It was a little unclear on the temperature. Like, is this freezing water? It seemed quite pleasant, actually, in the water, the temperature.
Starting point is 01:15:51 Like, well, I think they filmed like November to March. I should get rare. Yeah, it looks cold. They're shaking at the air. Yeah, I think they're cold. And because the kid says something, too, about, like, you know, like baseball seasons over. Oh, yeah. So it's, also, it was closer to, it was.
Starting point is 01:16:05 It was 2006, so it was closer to normal weather. We've strayed from the path, of course. But, yeah, at that point, it might have just been normal cold, not like depth cold, death cold. But then this is, like, all the, this is, I think, the clothes dropping from the sky as they get to the other side and walk through the woods. It's a raining pants. Hallelujah, it's a raining and pants. Boy, I needed so. All of these are my size.
Starting point is 01:16:32 Fantastic. Thrifting, yeah. No, you'll grow into this Dakota. Hold on, I got it for you. A beautiful dress. Beautiful dress. Oh, and cigarette would look marvelous in this. You didn't get me anything from the alien invasion, you piece of shit.
Starting point is 01:16:48 You just got a bunch of clues for your kids. I wanted a souvenir, an alien talent or something. You couldn't raid a target for me? Yeah, and my dad watched the alien invasion from home. That's right. Turn to dust from my sweatpants. Your father-in-law doesn't even have to wear a sports coat when he bats on the games. My father-in-law doesn't even have to wear a sport coat when he grabs my heirs at Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 01:17:22 That's right. So they see some action coming over the hill here, and this is where it's like, holy fuck, look what's going? They, like, so refrain from showing you, like, this big battle, which is great. And then this is, like, Robbie, running up the hill. because he's got to go serve in the military. It's all great, but like, it's not like, find a recruiter, you know what I mean? Like, you're not, you are a 16-year-old skinny kid without a gun.
Starting point is 01:17:46 You're not doing shit in any of fucking... But there's no more recruiters, Stephen. The world is in fucking disarray. Because in the real world, a lot of youth ran to serve in the military without getting the full picture. This is what we're doing, folks. Come on.
Starting point is 01:18:01 But don't worry, their kids are going to be fine. They're going to be just fine. What's even weird about that is David, Kep said, on Wikipedia, there's this quote about that he was considered this as Robbie as an analogy to the teenagers of Gaza
Starting point is 01:18:16 trying to rise up to like a war machine that they could never actually they don't know what they're doing kind of thing. But that's, I find that so, because like this scene is specifically not about him, like we don't see any of his battling. We, this is,
Starting point is 01:18:32 we see Robbie here. He goes over the hill and we do not see him again until the, like, Like, it's not about what he's doing in battle. We don't see anything about him battling at all. It's about the family unit. Exactly. You would never see that in this movie. It's about Tom Cruise.
Starting point is 01:18:44 I mean, like, literally, it's about Tom Cruise realizing I'm not a family man. I am no longer this person. But he's also at a tough spot, Tom Cruise. He's trying to grab this kid. Oh, my God. And then the other, this other, like, I mean, I assume they're trying to do the right thing. They are, but this is like, stay out of it, lady. Because, like, yeah, he's in this position.
Starting point is 01:19:01 One, I'm trying to convince my teenage son not to run off to war to fight aliens. And then also, I have to prevent. the kidnapping of my daughter? These are human traffickers. Who the hell knows what they're going to do with that guy? It's kind of awesome because he comes up like kind of clapping at him like a fucking bear like get out of here, get out of it. And then the woman is like,
Starting point is 01:19:18 oh, I'm so sorry. We thought she was alone. Yeah, likely. But you thought that girl was alone in the Target bathroom lady. Let me guess you got a finish basement too. Exactly. Yeah, with a fucking back basement. Oh, you got these zip ties in your pockets, old man, you fucking creep. Let me guess, mattresses on the floor and
Starting point is 01:19:34 walls to muffle the sounds. And it's awesome because the husband or whatever this guy is with this woman, uh, co-kidnapper sees Tom Cruise coming. He's like, scramm the parent founder. There's other. There's other.
Starting point is 01:19:47 I would love to catch him. He was like, look, when the aliens go, the world's going to need traffickers, okay? We lost a lot of good people, you know,
Starting point is 01:19:56 that we, we lost buckets of fucking merchandise. Honestly, during those power vacuums is when most human trafficking takes place. True. Right now, snatch it. I mean,
Starting point is 01:20:04 because who knows? Oh, aliens got them. snatch it like tripods, dude. So we do replay the flaming gag a little bit, only there's not as much set up, but this is where Tim Robbins is like, hey, come over here, come down here. And these two like flaming Humveys just ride by him. But yeah, this is Tim Robbins here.
Starting point is 01:20:24 Holding up the gun. Yes, come on in, sanctuary here. And only Tom and Rachel take up Harlan on his offer here. Well, Tim Robbins, Harlan here is trying, he's like, should I be leather face or shouldn't I be? You know what I mean? He's thinking about it. It's a new, it's a new era. You know what I mean? Cut that handsome guy's skin off and wear it as a mask. Why not? But first I need someone to drink peach snopsmith.
Starting point is 01:20:48 So like this is a nice little moment here where she's like, hey, I'm having another one of my, you know, like panic episodes here. You know, mom sings me songs to calm me down. Could you sing me whatever? And he's like, I don't know that one. All right, how about this? I don't know that one. So he's got to sing a song that he knows. and he's a car guy, so it's fitting. He sings Beach Boys a little do scoop to her
Starting point is 01:21:09 to calm down. It's like, all right, now you're going to go to sleep. Daddy's going to go drink peach snobs with this crazy guy. What do you want me? Okay, you know, I'll sing you the ad song
Starting point is 01:21:16 from Reese's peanut butter. Rees, everything's good with the Reese's peanut butter. You're on the perfect street. Sometimes the world looks perfect. Nothing can be arranged. Sometimes you just, Oh, is that the same song?
Starting point is 01:21:33 Yeah, it is. You get a feeling like you need some guys. to change. Stand in toe on the roof of these tripods. As I said, I have some peach snobs over here. Daddy's talking to the maniac, sweetie. Go to sleep. No, no, Daddy and the maniac are having a nice little conversation.
Starting point is 01:21:52 It was awesome that his full name is Harlan Ogilvie. Because all I could think about was that dude on the pit who everybody hates named Ogilvy. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:00 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That dude against the fucking compacted shit shot at him. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Orphala. O'Ogle V.
Starting point is 01:22:06 But so, yeah, this is, you know, Tim Robbins, he's got all the info, air quotes, you know. But he does make a good point. He's like, hey, they defeated the greatest power in the world in a couple of days. Like, we're all totally fucked right here. Nicholas Cage's most annoying partner from bringing out the dead. Oh, my God, can you imagine.
Starting point is 01:22:25 He's an ex-ambulence driver. Or he's an ambulance driver. He was up till, like, whatever. It's two years later. He's just using the Mystic River accent again. You know what I mean? It's fine. Big time.
Starting point is 01:22:34 time. The only thing he's missing, he's not talking about vampires in this one. It's all right. The aliens are close enough to vampires. I do like Tim Robbins as this dude just because, like, the thing you always forget about Tim Robbins is he's fucking huge. You know what I mean? And like Tom Cruise is small and this is one of the few times we do not
Starting point is 01:22:50 put Tom Cruise on an apple cart. He is like leather face in here. Like, you know what I mean? I am in this thing with this hulking weirdo with a shotgun and an axe. Exactly. Also funny, though, there are other moments in this movie. I think it's like kind of towards the end. but like there's a great shot of Dakota Fanning
Starting point is 01:23:06 like standing right next to Tom Cruise and like she's whatever like eight, 10 years old in this movie. Taller than him. She's like the top of her head would be like like up to his fucking biceps I think like Yeah, it's insane. She's about to tower over.
Starting point is 01:23:20 And she's the shorter of the two fanning sisters even to this day. They had to Gandalf Tom Cruise to be a little bit bigger than the child. He was on stilts all of Eyes Wide Shed. Every every fucking net. I mean look next. There's on stilts that whole fucking marriage. What are you kidding me?
Starting point is 01:23:36 That's why I had to break it up. I mean, it was enough already with the stilts. I'm wearing these lifts. They're killing my fucking ankles. I can't do this anymore. We got to get divorced. Right after this movie, I think maybe during the press for this movie is when he started dating Katie Holmes.
Starting point is 01:23:48 Yes, this was the famous couch. Yes, that's right. Because he was promoting this. Yes. Well, the crazy thing about that was, uh, and again, apocryful, but Spielberg was supposed to be at the interview with him. They were both going to go on together. They probably would have tempered it down.
Starting point is 01:24:01 Exactly. And he couldn't because he had to do. They were, they fucking made this movie and released it in seven months, which is insane. Yeah. And so he had to do some like last second post-production effects meeting or something like that. And he had to cancel it. And the fucking couch. Okay.
Starting point is 01:24:15 Tom, yeah, I can't make it. I got to make sure we were doing some ADR stuff. No, you don't need to come and do the Oprah. Just pump the movie, talk about the special effects, the location shooting. And I know you don't believe in psychology, but don't do anything crazy. Just don't do anything crazy. What do you mean why crazy, Stephen? What are you trying to tell me?
Starting point is 01:24:34 by crazy. My Tom Cruise hot take is I like that he's a psychotic maniac because I like actors to be eccentric and nutty. You're there for my entertainment. What do I give a fuck about your personal opinions? Go wild. Go nuts. If he was a level-headed, like, family man kind of actor.
Starting point is 01:24:53 No one cares. Outside of that first Mission Impossible movie, none of those big stunts would happen in the rest of that. That's true. You got to be crazy. He's like a crazy loner. That's why these fucking.
Starting point is 01:25:04 marriages never work because he's just this is, he's keyed in. And he doesn't play family men. Like that's a thing I think people slip is just like, oh, he's just like all the other ones. He's a hero who just wants to protect the family. I'm like, no, he's about his own fucking ego. That's his
Starting point is 01:25:20 whole fucking thing. He's top gun. He worships the aliens because he's an alien. He's like an alien person. They can do better. They can better themselves. And I know, commenter, yes, he's the head of an evil syndicates. Yeah, sure. I mean, it is. It's crazy cult.
Starting point is 01:25:34 It's crazy cult. You know what else is? What's that? Catholic Church. Judaism, everything. I'm much more interested in Miss Cavage in that situation. I don't much care about Tom. And Mrs. Miss Cabbage.
Starting point is 01:25:44 Wherever she may be. M.I.A. Oh, my God. Sorry, you meant RIP. Probably. Oh, the alien got her with the dust ray, dude. Yeah, she got dust in. So Tom, yeah, just do it.
Starting point is 01:25:54 Yeah, make sure. We're talking, the video game, don't announce the video game, don't you? And don't send your career into a tailspin for six years. Just do me a favor, buddy. That interview really fucked his career for a little while. Why are you, why are you practicing your jumps? I heard in the background that you're practicing your jumps. It's entirely possible that this made him be like, or that, not this movie, but that incident.
Starting point is 01:26:18 Because like 2006 is Mission Impossible 3. Yeah, exactly. So I feel like it was like, oh, fuck, better go back to the thing I'm universally loved for because that couch thing really screwed me over. Let's go back to the movies where I almost kill myself in stunts. Let's go directly from the jump to that. So, you know, Tim Robbins is like, you know, running will kill you. I'm dead set on living.
Starting point is 01:26:38 He thinks that he can like fight these things and whatever. There's a weird moment where Tim Robinson is sitting with Dakota Fanning and he's like, if anything happens to your dad, I'll be your dad. Don't worry about it. He's like, you don't talk to her. Yep, exactly. If you have any questions you come to me, you know, I mean, right move. Don't let Leatherface talk to your kid.
Starting point is 01:26:56 No, I'm just, it's an apron, dude. I'm going to make food later. Don't worry what it's from. But it's, I love, there's two really great, again, just like facial expression, body language, bits of performance here from Cruz. And starting it here in this scene is when he realized, because like when you first meet Tim Robbins, like right away, you're not like, oh, he's fucking crazy. No, yeah. He's like, come in, sanctuary, you know, sit down. He's like, I got food for weeks.
Starting point is 01:27:22 He can stay as long as you want. But when Ray realizes that this guy is crazy, Cruz has this really like, oh. Oh, fuck. This guy isn't a genteel savior. He's just a maniac. It's also not his house, right? Because he says he found a whole case of the peach schnops down there. Yes, yes. He might have fucking iced some dude to that shotgun, by the way. You never know. He killed some old couple and drinking all their peach snops. I'm sure that's just one of the thoughts in the pool of Tom Cruise's mind, just swimming in there being like, oh yeah, he probably killed somebody from down here. Does that smell? Yeah, that's probably a smell.
Starting point is 01:27:55 So then they have to rest. And this is where the alien schlong comes to investigate things. That's right. It's a shlong that makes sound like a robotic rattlesnake. There's a little like shaker in it. But also Tim Roberts' thing is like, you want to be their pet. Oh, you don't want to fight for the,
Starting point is 01:28:10 we're the resistance. It's like, no, we're not the resistance. I heard that in Osaka, they took one down at the Japanese. Where did you hear that? Alex Jones, he's still, he's broadcasting. Yeah, is it crazy? They took Info Wars away from him,
Starting point is 01:28:23 but he still hasn't. He's his co-host, Tim Heideker. but you know yes Eric to your point this does have reverberations of the kitchen scene I kind of don't care I like this alien getting getting tricked by this mirror that they pull out it's also very minority report with the little oh yeah the spider guy very much so
Starting point is 01:28:46 yes Spielbergo was loving like creepy crawlies around this time I like Spielberg I like both of those movies I think they're lesser of his works I just feel like these are Xerox versions of his other movies in a way what is that the aliens look at it He's like, oh my God, there's another one of me over there. Hello. Oh, the mirror, yeah, the dropping up in the mirror.
Starting point is 01:29:06 It's pretty cool. There must be another tripod in the area. He's holding up dresses. Did you ride the lightning down too? Oh, my God, wasn't that crazy? How many humans did you guys? So many humans. This is weird.
Starting point is 01:29:22 You weren't in on the plot? You just, wow, what are the odds? Small universe. Are they assigned both of us to the same farmhouse? That's crazy. I'll catch you later. We'll catch up. Oh, wait, there's a shoe.
Starting point is 01:29:33 Great moment of seeing Dakota Fanning's foot in the boot in the reflection of the viewfinder of this tentacle thing. Pretty cool here. And then, yeah, this is, I love this. It's because, again, he's a lunatic and he's not practicing like safe gun safety or anything. They're hiding from this thing.
Starting point is 01:29:51 And Tim Robbins, like Tom Cruise doesn't even see it. Tim Robbins has a shotgun to the back of this dude's head. Towering and like shaking because he's so nervous. Well, he's like lunitude's holding this shotgun. Yes, he is. Yeah. He's like sort of holding it. Oh, no. Oh, no. The aliens. But yeah, so the tentacles sort of gets confused. But then it sees the foot and then it's just the boot left there, which is really nice.
Starting point is 01:30:13 And then just like, you know, navigating around this basement area. Not as nice as the last basement we were in, of course. Where did that other alien go? Look. Hey, baby. Hey, where'd you go, baby? You still in here? Give me small, girl.
Starting point is 01:30:27 Come on. It's 2005. hit up those Craigslist misconnection. Oh, dude, I was raiding a farmhouse in upstate New York, and there you were looking at me through a window. A for A. Oh, it's fucking great. But then, so yeah, I love that it's like,
Starting point is 01:30:45 I think what happened here was like they couldn't get a read with the tentacle. They were like, something's up. These gleeplops were like, fuck it, man. We got to get out of the car for this one. We can't just use the viewfinder. We got to go down and see what's going on. I got to stretch my legs anyway. You want to waste the blood harvest shit?
Starting point is 01:31:02 If we, we start spraying and it turns out there's fucking people down there. It's all for not. We've wasted all of this blood. What the fuck do you want us to do, man? But so really, really fucking tense thing. Even though these things are computer, when the one moves the chair that Dakota Fanning is like sitting in. Does a very good job of like staying still and not being flung out of the chair.
Starting point is 01:31:24 That's a pretty tense moment. It's a nice little boot thing I thought was nice. the boots hanging out a little bit by an inch and it turns out it's, yeah. Dakota Fanning really holds her old in this movie in just in general. Oh yeah. Good kid actress did this,
Starting point is 01:31:36 Man on Fire, other stuff. Very good in Man on Fire. And she's grown up to be a good actress, an adult actress too. We just watch one of that. There was some honestly more or less like forgettable crime miniseries. Oh, right.
Starting point is 01:31:48 But she was very good in it though. But yeah, so Tim Robbins getting ready to fucking shoot these things and he's like, please don't fucking do this. And then this fight. with the silent fight with the gun. Yeah. Fucking great.
Starting point is 01:32:01 Well, he loses this shit because we've seen the blood mist. We've talked about it a couple of times. We've started to see the blood plants start to come up. And then like, he's like, look over here, Tom Cruise. And the fucking, the blood's mist is going. He's like, not my blood kind of a thing. Yes. You won't get my blood.
Starting point is 01:32:18 Right. Take my blood. I don't know. They drink us and they spray us like fertilizer. Don't you give your blood all the time anyway? I do, yeah. So what's the difference? This is where he's like, oh, I'm going to dig a tunnel from the Hudson Valley back to the city and we can fight the aliens together.
Starting point is 01:32:37 And then this is the, we're the resistance, Ray. They can't occupy the country. That's fucking insane. I mean, where they are, like Athens, New York, that's probably like 130, 40 miles from the city. It's as ridiculous as when the Ninja Turtles snowboarded all the way back to the city in that one Michael Bay movie. That was egregious. It'd be great. If Morgan Freeman broke back in an handicap digging until he got to the Hudson Valley.
Starting point is 01:33:02 Honestly, pepper him back in at this point. Why not? He headed, the aliens didn't know that he was there because he hit it behind a Rock Hell Welch post, you understand. Ray just told him to be quiet. He didn't strangle him at all. But then this is, speaking of Ray fucking strangling or whatever it goes on. This is the other, like, great facial expression from Tom. He's like, oh, my God, I'm going to kill him. And, like, he puts the, the, the, the, blindness. That is so good.
Starting point is 01:33:32 Just sing your song. Whatever you, whatever you hear from me in there, don't take that off. I will take the bandana off for you. It'd be so great if, uh, comes out, takes off the bandana and it's olger, olgary. Tim Robbins, like, well, I'm you dead now. Oh, yeah, you're five foot five father's death. You're like, Pete Schnaps. He fucked around and he found out.
Starting point is 01:33:53 So here we are. But, yeah, it's a cool thing of the, the door closed. You know what I mean? I just love that we don't fucking see this. We don't have to sit through a clunky, darkly lit basement fight scene. Yeah, where we're saying a bunch of garbage dialogue.
Starting point is 01:34:08 It's classy. It's nice. It's a little class. It is nice. But him just walking out and he just sits on those stairs. It's cool the way they do it, though. They start with the boots. And it's just boots walking through a puddle.
Starting point is 01:34:18 You don't know whose legs you're looking at. And you're like, all right, well, it is Tom Cruise, of course. But there is a nice moment there where they play with it a little bit. Oh, I could spot it. Yeah, size six shoes. but the snake arm like kind of comes back in and then this is where tom beats it with a shovel yes it looks a little flight of the navigator as well yeah oh yeah that's a stay tuned flight of the navigator yeah yeah camera last time yeah i've never seen it sarah jessica parker's in it
Starting point is 01:34:46 too yeah and also a little boy i get that one and peewee herman that and its floors always get mixed up. I've actually never seen either. We haven't, oh, we got to do both of those. Yeah, Explorers is nuts. Is Explorers the Ethan Hawk movies? Yeah, Joe Dante. Yes.
Starting point is 01:34:59 My least favorite, though, Dante. But still, interesting movie. I think it's interesting. Yeah, I saw it a bunch as a kid. Me too. I really like when, so Rachel runs outside at that point, so he runs out after her,
Starting point is 01:35:09 and like, the whole landscape here is just, everything's decimated, the valley's just fucking dead, and everything is red. Rachel, just cover your mouth. Don't breathe at it. Don't eat any. it. It's not cinnamon rain.
Starting point is 01:35:25 Somebody pointed out it's the exact shot of when what's from Wizard of Oz when she opens the door and Oz for the first time through the door
Starting point is 01:35:40 shot. Can I play an album to this fucking movie? You might be able to. You might be able to. Yeah, who knows? Converges Jane Doe. You just lay it right on there. Same thing. This is the beginning of Deus X. Grenades. Hell yes That got all these grenades were around
Starting point is 01:35:54 But I do love I mean these This all the stuff with the tripod art Looks great I love how it looks when like The tripod comes along Like fucking King Kong Picks this girl up
Starting point is 01:36:06 And just like starts walking away And Tom of course Gets caught up in it as well here And right he sacrifices himself To try to get abducted to try to save her I just want to cut to the two military guys Like ah you fucking dumb aliens Gary hit him with your grenades
Starting point is 01:36:19 Oh shit Where did I put the He's all suddenly smoking ash Oh yeah you didn't expect a good oh he's dead Okay oh boy I do love the hey you motherfucker like Throwing the first grenade and then it hits the little Force field that it's got and the tripod turns like the fuck you say to me
Starting point is 01:36:40 A lot of people are saying stuff This is I mean this is the kid is totally catatonic in this cage right here This is a broken child forever Oh yeah No amount of seeing Mommy up and Bean Town is going to fix this damage. No, no. It's like a kid who saw what happened at the little ranch thing in Nope. Oh, that's just normal.
Starting point is 01:37:00 Good news is mommy's starting over. That's right. A brand new fan, dude. New kid on the way. But this, so Tom has taken up and like, the only way I was able to describe this to myself was it's like a reverse asshole. Yeah, it's a reverse asshole for sure. Because like a tentacle comes out of this thing and pulls people into it.
Starting point is 01:37:19 but it just it looks like something's going into an asshole it's like a reverse shitting it's like an active asshole yeah it's like it's gripping it takes grip to be fair we don't know maybe enlightenment's up there it's possible you know what I mean you go through there and then now you know more that weird the bug-eyed fuck from
Starting point is 01:37:37 oh what was that cult there the ball's gate yeah yeah yeah yeah he probably you know could have made a 60 people believe this and he had some good ideas I mean the black Black Nike's were sharp. Yeah. Not bad. I mean, as far as, like, cult outfits go, not too bad.
Starting point is 01:37:54 Yeah. Because you can, you know, you're in your cult meeting and then you go right to the gym. You don't even have to change. Man, the guy was clearly convincing. I mean, it got all those people to do it. I mean, I don't think it's... There was a doc somewhere about... It was because it was actually him and another woman who were the perpetrators of it.
Starting point is 01:38:10 And it was this whole, like, you're going to live forever by being with us and blah, blah, blah. And we're invincible because we're in this cult. And then that woman who was the co-founder of it died of cancer. And so it was like, well, how do I explain this? Better get to suicide faster than I planned. I thought you said there was a doc around. They couldn't help her. I'm kidding.
Starting point is 01:38:27 Documentary. But so it's funny, though, it's a very Tom Cruise movie. One, I think it's a lady just gets sucked up and everyone's like, see you bitch. And then like, when it happens to Tom Cruise, everyone's like, no, Tom Cruise. Well, the army guy sees the grenades, I see. Uh-huh. Because it is, it's very specifically an army guy who gets him. Yes.
Starting point is 01:38:46 And the guy, he's yelled, all right. Now pull me. He has to explain to people this thing. He's like, come on, you should pick up, pick it up here. Like, you pull this guy down. And I love that Tom falls back. He lands on his belly and spits out the pins of the grenades, dude. Oh, it's pretty cool. Like a high school girl spitting out a cherry stem.
Starting point is 01:39:07 I see. What do you know about my prom day? Let's just make her a college girl and get over it, Chris. Let's age her up a little bit. You think cigarette is of age. That's an interesting point of view. I hope so. My God, if I'm sounding like this, I'd better be at least above 18 or I've got problems.
Starting point is 01:39:28 That's what the license says at least. She hangs out with Patty Maynames. Who also sounds like that. Just a couple of preteen smokers. We got one. We got one. This thing collapses. They all fall.
Starting point is 01:39:42 Yeah, it's pretty cool here. But yeah, then we just walk the rest of the way. of Boston, which would be exhausting. And I'm glad we don't have to sit through that. That's crazy. That's got to be days and days and days. At least. Yeah. So five months and he's like... I thought for a guy who's like sort of
Starting point is 01:39:58 featured walking behind Tom in the one like, we're pulling into town shot here. I checked it. It's not him. But I could have sworn it was the guy who played the Susan's foundation scholarship kid. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:40:15 That George is like, oh, you're want to be an architect and he's like, no, city planner, and then he gets involved with the Van Buren boys. I thought it was that guy. That would be cool. Yeah, not him, though. We see the aliens are getting a little E.T. at the end of E.T. The branches are turning white, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:40:30 Exactly. We're getting all fucking crusty looking just like E.T. When the government messed with him that one time. But Tom Cruise is smart. He's like, oh, they're dying. Maybe, sort of kind of, there's this tunnel thing and there's the, you know. The ship already fell. when that happens they walk past a ship that has fallen into a building and they're like it's been acting erratic we're in boston clearly someone got the tripod drunk
Starting point is 01:40:56 i don't know who did it i want to hear who was it somebody tell me who got it through the who got the fucking a keystone light past the fucking the shield i want to know who did it hey tripod i could say some real nasty slurs to you but i'm in a stevens beerberg movie so i'm not You know what? Take me up in there. I'll whisper it in your year once I'm in your reverse asshole. All the aliens, millions of years of planning, couldn't account for St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, they beat these fucking things down. They're so drunk.
Starting point is 01:41:28 They walk past the one that fell into a thing. There's just drop kick Murphy's sign, spray painted on it. Hey, Sally, come over here. We're pissing on one of the dead ones. Unfortunately, for the aliens, a Bruins game had just let out. It was a perfect storm. there is one that's still like alive and
Starting point is 01:41:48 Tom Cruise has to point out to the military that there's birds going on it so it's got no force field no shields he's yelling yeah so he saves the day dude these rocket launches at this thing and when they fucking get it down it falls into this factory this perfectly fine
Starting point is 01:42:04 factory that has survived to the horrors of the war of the world and then our own government destroys it hell yeah pretty great an alien comes out is like, ah, fuck, he's dead. I love, though, that they, like, this thing falls over. They basically flush the toilet on these people.
Starting point is 01:42:20 Because, like, all this brown, orange water falls out of this thing, and then the guy gets out, like, sorry about that. By the way, do not go in there. I thought that was orange soda. I was drinking it. I spilled it when his fucking tripod crashed. My big goal. My planet crush. Don't bother, Sully.
Starting point is 01:42:40 It doesn't get you drunk. It just kind of makes you sick. not in a good way you'll be shitting for days it was horrible no you don't escape your troubles at all no no no no no you just kind of feel sick in your tummy
Starting point is 01:42:52 yeah so they do watch that one and he does kind of like turn a little one like a blah you know sort of like a video game takes one breath of air he fucking gets some Boston air but then we're reuniting with mom
Starting point is 01:43:09 just walking up here to this it's a street in Brooklyn Oh, my God, my children. You are getting a hotel tonight, right? You're not, no, no, you're not staying here, right, Ray? No, you're not staying here. Oh, we're all full up with the couch and everything. We'd love to have you, but...
Starting point is 01:43:26 Oh, but you know how dad gets. Alien invasion or no, you know how dad gets. Yeah, I would love to let you use the shower, but... You know what, though? He is smart about it because he does not even bother. He stays a clean 50 feet away from that building. thing because that's what his ex-father-in-law's restraining order demands of him. He sees Doreen, his mother-in-law, his former mother-in-law, he knows what's going on.
Starting point is 01:43:53 He knows not to even try. Smart man. You're not perfect enough for my daughter. You're not Tim. Tim is beautiful. Oh, there you are, Tim. Oh, beautiful, Tim. Hello.
Starting point is 01:44:03 Look at him. Just look at him. He's alive. So, this dickhead son's alive and well. What are you going to do? He runs right for dead. You're right. I guess he's a fireproof.
Starting point is 01:44:13 And then you may remember me from the beginning of the movie. I'm back to tell you now that all the planning in the world couldn't make up with the fact there were gross, dirty, germy people down here and they just couldn't hang with us. They came in contact with Celtics fans and that was it. That was how it ended. Which is a great twist for, you know, 1930. It's better than the data being food, though, I think. Well, I didn't see that once.
Starting point is 01:44:41 The update ate better, dude. I haven't seen it. I can't judge it. This is, I mean, it's, I like, as a, as a, I like War of the Worlds as a property. I don't, I don't, you know, I, you know, I, you can not like it. It's okay to not like it. It's a light recommend. There you go.
Starting point is 01:44:58 So we already started it. Chris Cabin. A heavy recommend. I think this movie is great. I, I really think he did something unique with it. It's not like the other adaptations of War of the Worlds. If you look at, including the Ice Cube version, which is horrible. There was some like two season.
Starting point is 01:45:12 TV show that went for like three years or something. It's got to be public domain at this point, as my guess. The novel's like 1890 something. That makes sense. I think it's one of, I like this, this is a good double head. Munich and this are some of his darker movies, I think, because I think part of this
Starting point is 01:45:28 is Tom Cruise being like, I'm not a family man. I make movies about me being awesome. I'm sorry. That's what I do. I don't save people. I don't do that. I do this stuff. And like, it's in the movie. I love that about it. I think it's the effects, the, the, the weird sheen that the, the, the technicolor like aura that they have over the thing.
Starting point is 01:45:50 It's just an incredible look. It just, nothing looks like this. It's, I really am. I'm, I'm bald over by this movie. I can't pull the dude's name out of my head at the moment with the guy who did the effects for this. This was, I think the last movie he did to, like, retire. And he was like, I did some of the best effects work of my life in this movie. And it was like, rushed as fuck.
Starting point is 01:46:10 So I'm never going to top that. And he was like, I'm out. Him and Kaminsky. Absolutely. Knocked it out of the park. Steve Sadek. Yeah, the movie looks good. I am with Eric on this one.
Starting point is 01:46:19 I'm very light recommend. It's not a bad movie by any stretch, but it's just, I really just feel like this movie just runs out of narrative gas. Like the first hour is really kind of exciting and interesting and all that stuff. And I just, I do think that the sun being there is a cop out. And I know whatever about the novel and the street being perfect and like this idealic way of getting out of it. I just think it's, it feels like a Spielbergian cop out to me, even though it might be in the source material as well.
Starting point is 01:46:47 You changed other stuff. You can change other stuff too. Long story short, it's a light, light, light recommend. I just kind of, I kind of get bored too towards the end of it as well. That's, that's kind of where I'm at. All right. Yeah, no, I'd recommend it. I didn't think I would, funny enough.
Starting point is 01:47:01 I didn't like it when I saw him through it. I think you might remember. I think we saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we thought it go. And I was, I was just less than lukewarm on it. But I don't know, age, whatever. I would say different things now. When I saw it the first time, the kid
Starting point is 01:47:14 being out of dead, that bothered me more. Coming back to it, it didn't at all. It just wasn't there. This is a good lesson. Like, folks at home, it's okay to change your opinion. Just because you didn't like the last Jedi in 2017. Doesn't mean you have to still fucking talk about it. You could maybe take another look.
Starting point is 01:47:30 Yeah. And this goes for any movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's been so many other movies that I've changed my mind on as well. Yeah, I know. One last thing, very funny, which I didn't notice the only other time I saw it because I left the theater immediately in a huff. Fucking funniest credit here. Fake bodies by Steve Johnson.
Starting point is 01:47:50 So the mannequin guy got a credit. I like that. Real bodies by the moonlit killer. Fuck you, take that town. That is going to do it for this episode of We Hate Movies. But as always, if you'd like more from us, including commercial-free episodes of shows, just like the very one,
Starting point is 01:48:08 you are finishing listening to right now, head over to our Patreon. That's patreon.com slash we hate movies, where if you're new to this program, every Tuesday we release a We Hate Movies episode on the commercial feed and the Patreon free feed. But then also, there is a whole slew, a host, a gaggle of bonus shows that we produce every month
Starting point is 01:48:29 or in some cases every other month. Like earlier this, actually it was just last week, as a matter of fact, we release an episode on Minority Report. It's We Love Movies. So we did that. If you were listening to this on the day it comes out, which is the 9th of June, which is a Tuesday. Big week here in the W.H.M. Universe because the 11th, this Thursday, Jackassmentary number two. That's right.
Starting point is 01:48:52 We covered jackass number two for our next commentary track. That's coming out on Thursday. And then Friday, once in a lifetime, Chris Cabin. What is this movie? We were talking about the wrong daughter, which is one of two Sydney-Sweeney lifetime vehicles. This is technically lifetime. We checked it out. she's playing crazy pants
Starting point is 01:49:09 killer fucking infiltrator she's getting the one over on a mother who's just looking for her lost daughter and she finds the wrong daughter oh hell yes I was really worried I would get the wrong daughter and look what happened yeah very excited for that next week
Starting point is 01:49:28 also Melro 210 that's a show that Eric mentioned already we cover episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose place indeed. We're done with no more baby stealing. We're under cancer with Melrose at least. And cult shit. Colchit as well. And they're in college on 90210 now. So that's an interesting environment change.
Starting point is 01:49:49 Brenda is back. So yeah, we're going episode by episode there. So season four of 902 and season three of Melrose Place. Now next week, Steve, an animation damnation is afoot. Yes. So last week we did Master's the Universe. We were doing the He-Man Cartoon. tune from the 80s. This episode
Starting point is 01:50:07 has multiple skeletors in it. Just what we needed. What did you say? Precisely. Light of that. Next week, also this month, Star Wars Gleep Glossary comes out. That's right. We're going to be talking about Moth Gerr-Jarad, who was the guy in,
Starting point is 01:50:23 I'm clearing my throat. He was the guy in Return of the Jedi that goes, the Emperor's coming here. Oh, that guy. The guy in charge of the second Death Star. I was thinking of Sam Gerard for a second. Well, anyway, the not that but the actor just passed
Starting point is 01:50:38 so I thought we'd honor him on the Gleap Glosser Go get him. There we go and also at the end of this month we'll be releasing our next episode of The Nexus which is our 10 years running Star Trek Recap show which is the perfect time to mention come catch us in Las Vegas this summer at STLV the biggest
Starting point is 01:50:54 Star Trek convention in the world. They're celebrating 60 years of Trek we're celebrating 10 years of the Nexus coming together doing a three-night residency at the DeForest Kelly Theater in the Rio where the convention is happening. Three nights, three different movies we're talking about. We're talking Star Trek the wrath of Khan.
Starting point is 01:51:12 We're talking Star Trek generations. And we're talking Star Trek first contact. Do not need convention passes. No, you don't. These are separately ticketed events. So come to Vegas, get drunk, do whatever you want, make some mistakes with us and see us, which is not a mistake. That's right.
Starting point is 01:51:27 And that's happening. August 6 through the 8th, all of that information can be found over on our website for the tickets. Now the summer blockbuster extravaganza is in full swing at this point. Steve Sadek, what's on the docket next Tuesday? Oh, it's a big summer blockbuster. We're doing Chuck Norris's top dog. Oh, hell yeah. So like canine, but worse.
Starting point is 01:51:48 Yes, much worse. I don't, I'm trying to remember now. I think I've seen this, but not recently. Oh, it's trash. Oh, it's really bad. It's 86 minutes of trash. This dog is not talking? I don't think so.
Starting point is 01:52:01 But I think it's got a purpose. personality on him. Oh, I'm sure he does. But if you read the IMDB plot synopsis, it's written as if the dog is the main character, because it's basically like, when so-and-so, the police dog loses his partner in the line of duty, he's partnered with Chuck Norris. That's what the main character gets. Yikes. It's been a while since I've seen it, so we'll see. So we'll see. And you know what you should see also? Yeah. We're talking about it. We got all these podcasts that released. But there's also a lot of fun, clip and real video content on our social media. Yes, we are finally on TikTok.
Starting point is 01:52:33 You are. So you can check us out there on TikTok at WHM Podcast. We're also on Instagram at WHM Podcast. And YouTube, this is we hate movies on YouTube, all one word. So subscribe and start sharing those clips because, you know, they're great, honestly. And they're fun little ways like the flashback
Starting point is 01:52:54 ones we do are great because it's like, I don't remember that fucking bit from seven years ago. And now you can enjoy it and share it round. And it's fantastic. Just another way you can take in all the laughs and jokes here at We Have Movies. So until next week, when that dog may or may not be talking, but he definitely has an attitude. I've been Andrew Jupin. Eric Siski.
Starting point is 01:53:12 Chris Cabin. Take it easy.

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