We Hate Movies - S16 Ep871: San Andreas (2015)

Episode Date: June 30, 2026

“This divorce has less than two hours to live!” - Andrew on the script repairing DJ’s broken homeOn this episode, we’re chatting about the Dwayne Johnson/Paul Giamatti disaster joint, San Andreas!Is this outrageous geological event possible? Should DJ’s character take that helicopter for personal use? Does this film have one of the highest on-screen NPC death counts of any non-alien disaster film? Is this the most sexualized character DJ’s ever played? Is the Daniel Riddick character one of Cinema’s biggest cowards? Did we really need that little, British DSB? And why couldn’t The Rock and Paul Giamatti have had even one scene together? PLUS: The guys pitch a Tremors legacy sequel!San Andreas stars Dwayne Johnson, Carla Gugino, Alexandra Daddario, Ioan Gruffudd, Archie Panjabi, Hugo Johnstone-Burt, Art Parkinson, Will Yun Lee, Kylie Minogue, and Paul Giamatti as Dr. Lawrence Hayes; directed by Brad Peyton.Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey, gang, before we get to today's episode on San Andreas, which features Dwayne Johnson playing a morally dubious helicopter pilot, just want to drop in to remind you tickets are on sale now for our three nights stand out in the desert at STLV in Las Vegas, Nevada. That's right. We're going to be out there at the world's biggest and most badass Star Trek convention, August 6th through the 8th. We're doing three nights, three shows to celebrate not only 60 years of Star Trek, but 10 years of our Star Trek recap show The Nexus. And the cool thing is you do not need credentials for the convention to attend the shows. You can just attend independent of the convention. Tickets are sold separately. Night one, we are doing Star Trek 2, The Wrath of Khan. Night 2, Star Trek Generations.

Night 3, Star Trek First Contact. Three of our favorite Star Trek movies, it's going to be a real Star Trek love fest out there. We're really excited for this. We're excited to get out there. This is our first convention we're playing. So it's going to be awesome to play for a fan convention crowd. We want to see you there, y'all. come out to Vegas. Once again, you don't need to attend the convention. You can just go out there, hit up a couple all-you-can-e buffets, do a little gambling, check out the sports books, and then kick that hangover and come see our shows at night. We're going to play the DeForest Kelly Theater at the Rio Resort. That's where the whole convention's going down this August. We will be there the 6th, the 7th, and 8th. All ticketing information is available on our website, WHMpodcast.com. All right, that's it for me. Let's get into it. This is a really ridiculous movie.

All Giamatti hides under a desk for two hours. Enjoy. The line must be drawn here this far, no further. And I will make them pay for what they've done. This week, we're watching scores of computer animated people get sucked into the earth itself in San Andreas. I'm Andrew Juppen. Steve and Sadek. Eric Siska.

Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in to the fine podcast as always. That's right. If you're finding us for the first time because you're a big Dwayne Johnson head,

I don't blame you. We're a comedy show where you take a movie good, bad, or otherwise, and kind of kick it around a little bit, poke some fun in it. And yes, this week, 2015 San Andreas, directed by Brad Payton,

which this dude, first of all, the director of at least one previous episode and several stay tunes. This motherfucker, so we did the original, he directed the sequel, Cats and Dogs,

the revenge of Kitty Galore. The worst one. He did the worst one. Okay, good. All right. Speaking of worst ones, and I think this is where he met DJ for the first time, Journey 2, colon the Mysterious Island. Because I think that's the movie, if you remember, they replaced Brendan Fraser with Dwayne Johnson. Am I

thinking of that right? Probably. Because it was Journey to the Center of the Earth. This is Journey 2, I believe. Journey 2, I believe. Journey 2. That sounds right. The Mysterious Island. Didn't Bill Clinton do that? Oh, yeah, baby. Happy Memorial Day. Oh, this mystery's got a happy ante.

Oh, this dude also. It's a previous episode, Rampage. Yes. Another DJ picture. And then I still think we could figure this out. It might be commentary worthy because there's not a lot of action. He did that J-Lo Atlas movie where she's in the mech suit for most of it. Dude, I just looked that up.

I had never heard of this. It's a 2014 movie with every single celebrity in it. it's 24 oh sorry yes but I said way more recent yeah but and that's

I remember the I remember this coming out and I like my mind completely erased it right after that and then I saw it oh right that movie I saw it dude

I fucking tuned in on Netflix so okay let's get the review well so I think I brought it up when I watched it at the time maybe we talked about it briefly on OSL

but like if I remember she like crash lands somewhere or something on a planet and then she's in this meck suit and the way I was comparing it at the time. Remember how in those later Avengers

movies where they put Mark Ruffalo in that Hulkbuster suit? Yes. And it was just like a CGI head of Mark Ruffalo and then this big fucking thing. That's what the movie looks like a lot of the time. It's just her in a mech suit. And then if I'm remembering right, she's talking to some sort of Jarvis

-esque AI thing maybe. Well, that became the whole Marvel universe was like you saw Don Cheadle in that shot. You saw Romney Downey Jr., everybody was in that shot for the whole of Marvel, especially during the last like, what, 15 movies they put out? It is always

janky looking in shit, sorry, Steve. You could record from your closet, and then that's cool. You don't have to, like, act with somebody. You're just like talking to nobody. You got a bunch of black cloth behind your head so they can just easily cut it out. The mech suit falls on a planet. She talks to stuff.

That's it? That's about it. I don't remember the fucking engine of the movie and watch. I think it's like survive the planet kind of a deal or whatever. Okay. All my brain was able to retain is her in a mech suit looking terrible. It looks like a fake movie.

It looks like a 30 rock ad. It's a 30 rock. It's a dude. It is totally a 30 rock joke. Well, that's all these survival movies. I just saw the trailer for the Brad Pitt one with the dog with titanium teeth. And I'm like, I am done with the. Dog with the titanium teeth.

Hold on. It's a real thing. It's a big air deal, right? Yes. Uh, which is not to be confused. with the Allority Royal Ridd movie where there's another dog

and you bet your sweet ass my ass will be going to Does the Dog Die.com before I see that shit. The dog stars is what you're talking about. The dog stars, yes. This one is more like he's alone with the dog. They took part from Seth Harp's book,

the Fort Brad Cartel. There's an actual story of a dog with titanium teeth that they had working with J-Soc. And I guess this thing would like eat human flesh and like stuff like that. So now they're like, no, he's a nice dog. It's a nice dog that Brad Pitt's taking care of.

I thought he's trying to put that dog down. No, no, no. Yeah, real Lance Henriksen, men's best friend. Wait a second. What is like? What is like, Chris? You just said, J-Sox. So wait, is this based on a true story? The dog with that titanium tape is a real thing.

It's a real thing. Dude, I thought this was a science fiction tale. No, no, no, no, no. It's a real thing. A dog name, Rocky. If you want to look it up, it's really disturbing shit. Why would you spend all that money to put titanium? teeth in a dog where you can just toss that one aside and get a new dog.

I think maybe if you are trying to create these like dog monsters. You're trying to make monsters. Yes. That's it. More of it. Man's hubris. You know, that kind of thing. I get a man's hubris, dude, fucking building things upon fault lines and whatnot,

thinking we rule this world. I think, like, what is Paul Giamati's end game here? Like, California just shouldn't exist then. Like, literally, like, any, like, plan that, that he could come up was like, well, then just, oh, that there's, because he's just like, there's an earthquake happening now. I'm like, cool.

I predicted it. I think part of his deal is right, he's like the, he's trying to get the Dorothy machine and Twister. Yeah, he's, they're trying to use this new system, him and his fucking dead meat lab partner here, this other scientist like Kim or whatever. Yeah, I'm trying to, like, yeah,

create a thing where they can predict earthquakes of the future. I totally misremembered this movie. I thought this is going to be more of a fun buddy thing with Paul Giamatti and The Rock. Oh, dude, that would be awesome, whatever that movie is. Right? Like, like, we're here, we're at the, uh, we're at the fault line. Toss me the formula.

I can't. I have to, wait, okay, and carry the one, and there you go. And he tosses him the formula and somehow that you fixes. Or I even thought like he would be on the phone with him, like, all right, you've got to get out of, you've got 14 minutes before the whole thing blows. Wouldn't that be great?

Like a microchip or something. Because here's the thing, right? Think about other like disaster movies with big cast and when they come together. Eventually, in Independence Day, Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum meet and finish the movie together. Like Paul Giamatti not having a scene with DJ at all is insane. I love the ID4 comparison there. Let's get the Rock and Paul Giamati into this underground ship that goes to the fault lines and that you see lava. I'll tell you this much.

this is what's wrong with that, is that Dwayne Johnson knows enough to know that if he shares scenes with Paul Gmadi, Paul Gimati's going to blow him off the fucking screen. That's true. Yeah. Yep. Hey, uh, hey, DJ,

take a knee. Watch this shit. Here's some acting. Ooh, some 360 degree acting right in your fucking face. Here, let me get some Pepsi in me to really work hard. Here we go.

Diet Pepsi time. One fascinating thing about this movie, the rock is profoundly unheroic in it, I think. Like, it's just, it's a real me and mine kind of idea, which is very conservative, which is kind of fine if you've got your standard, like, I was in Afghanistan. I'm a regular guy now. And like, I'm trying to save my family through this thing. When you're an FDN, FDLA fucking helicopter pilot and you steal that helicopter to save your family, you are leaving hundreds of people to die. It's kind of awesome, dude.

It's totally fine, Steve. because we do get that, well, the first thing is this, this girl going off the cliff here. This cold open is kind of awesome. As far as this could be a nice little proof of concept thing for the movie. Right. We're listening to Taylor Swift. We're driving around because culture stopped long ago. And she goes off the cliff because of this earthquake.

There's a fake out with the water bottle. You think that's going to be the distraction. Well, yeah, you think it's a distracted driving thing. Yes. Is she on the phone and then she's trying to get something and she keeps driving to the other? This is some nice good fakeouts here. It's water. It's getting the water ball It's in the backseat into the texting

And then like she just does She's not paying attention She's looking at something And that's what actually causes the crash Right. It's like a rock slide And then she crashes I like the slow-mo shot of like when she's going And like the hairbrush comes right in front of her face

Pretty cool She should be dead I mean I rewatched this like a minute ago Eric had that idea because we're doing this in the morning I would rewatch it a little bit This girl gets fucking destroyed This car is flipping over and over. It's stunning that she lives through this.

She's not even really hurt at all. But then we get the helicopter ride along and this is where we get this introduction to what is it, Chief Gaines or whatever. Ray Gaines. And this team that does, again, like you think that this is going to be the movie. It's like, okay, cool. The Rock is going to be in this helicopter.

He's going to be going all different places. Saving people with this team. Obviously, one or two of these guys are going to eat shit and none of that happened. Yeah, you're introduced to these guys by name and then they just go away. But see, Steve, I was trying to get to this point because you say, oh, it's selfish for him to save his family. Right here we say between Afghanistan and the LAFD, he's got 600 documented rescues.

I think now you can just do whatever you want. It's a little meat time, a little DJ time with this helicopter. That's right. Personal use for the weekend, motherfucker. I already signed it out. I mean, the thing is, it feels like a cliffhanger without the death, right? It's a very optimistic version of cliffhanger. where it's just like actually no

the huge fucking terrible accident at the beginning it's fine everybody's fine you're totally right though Chris if she fucking ate shit and then you could do like a five years later kind of thing or something but instead I think they sort of replace that guilt with we do have a dead dirter

situation on our hands here we skipped over it because it's a very bizarre opening to this movie you're sitting down to San Andreas and like it's this you're it's like this ponderous music of Whoa. And then it's, it's all black. You realize you're in the water and this necklace floats by and I'm like, that ain't an earthquake. Like this is like, I don't even know what. Like this is like some Stieg Larsson shit. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Very strange like a way to get you into this earthquake place. Yeah. It's like first we're expecting a disaster movie and the first thing we're seeing is like our protagonist's haunted dreams. Exactly. But yeah, this whole this whole. saving her situation, you get to see

how these dudes do the work. I think, Steve, interestingly, one of the reasons maybe that they weren't so hip to have the rest of the helicopter team be part of the movie is they were like, well, no one liked that Ashton Coucher Coast Guard movie, which was kind of a helicopter team

doing shit. The Guardian, oh my God, what a thing in the ass. I do not remember that one either, but for it. It's him and Kossner. That's your account, Eric. How did you not see that one? That's fair. Yes, I am the cost of guy. Yeah, no, I actually, that's a good reminder. I'm going to go back and watch that.

But here we get some like Patriot Act shit, right? Because the rock is like, what's her name? Natalie, connect to her cell phone, instantaneously. And we do like a thing because it's a movie, like, we're going to tip the hat. Tip the hat, tip the hat, tip in the hat. And it's like, oh boy, whatever that means. I was like, you got to show me the exact, like, because they, there is a reporter team in this helicopter as well. Someone there needs to be like, what on earth does tip?

tipping the hat mean and fucking Joe Bob on the control stick has to be like, that's what I'm about to do fucking this with the helicopter or something. Because it's a kind of a cool term, but I couldn't figure out what they actually meant by it. Well, I mean, it's pretty self-examatory, right? Like, they put one side of the helicopter

up, like you would tip a hat, like if you were tipping a hat up. But that's what I'm saying, Chris, is like the editing is kind of like so choppy here. I couldn't quite, I mean, I gathered that's what it was. Like, we're moving the thing in an unnatural position to get it down into the chasm or whatever. Very sharp

hat to tip. It's like what, Kung Lao? Is that his name? Yeah, totally. Oh, fucking resurrected in that Mortal Combat, too. I'll worry about it. Oh, okay. I'll get to it. I do, uh, yeah, it's like this thing where it's like we got to send white guy down there to not only save the girl, but secure

the car, because if not, the car will fall. It's like, you know, this is a cool exciting sequence, kind of a deal. Yeah, totally. The guy gets his arm, like, pin between the car and the rock face, so you guessed it. The rock himself, DJ's got to go down. Which is also like, isn't this guy too big to be doing this job? Yeah, why would you want the heaviest guy on the helicopter dangling from the side of the... Yeah, dangling from the, but also even driving it, I mean, you got like 500 pounds in the front seat.

Like, okay, cameraman, you can't come because our doo-do pilots, it is fucking huge. He's like two of you, so you got to stay back. I do like speaking to him in his size, though, he definitely pulls an Arnold right here. When he gets down and he's like unable to get the woman out of the car in time or like time's running out, rather. He fucking totally just rips this door. It's just a car door. And he rips it off the... That's Arnold and Commando right there.

It's like butter to him, man. But yeah, so the day is saved. It's very nice. We go to Caltech in Pasadena. And this is, yes, Mr. Paul Giamatti as Dr. Lawrence Hayes, geologist and seismologist. And as I was calling him, an earthquakeologist. A parade of atrocities. Just the Sendai earthquake.

Into the Chilean earthquake, into the Alaska earthquake. I'm like, oh, man, could you stop, please, Paul? I guess you're trying, like, maybe this is like week one and you're trying to get the kids excited. It's like, oh, it's real fucking dangerous here in earthquake school. Yeah, most of it's just looking at charts and numbers. But every once in a while, if we're lucky, thousands will die. 10 million atom bombs all at once.

The earth shook for five minutes. I love it. He's doing this like Professor Giamati thing It's a little bit more aeriodite actually Hmm Totally dude yeah It's it's kind of funny because he's not He's not doing the holdovers guy

But I was just kind of thinking of the holdovers Watching him just be a teacher I guess His voice in this has elbow patches And some girl is like Well you know what's If this is also Professor what's it? earthquake. Yeah, and he's just like, if we could predict these, we could save so many lives.

Yes. And again, the prediction never really happens. Like, at some point, he's like, call everybody. Like, it's happening now. Yeah, well, I think the prediction were, I mean, it works in the sense that they pick off the start of it, but then everything after that, there's nothing to predict. It's still the same continuous event the whole time. Like, he predicted it and then Kim died two seconds later. That's the thing is they just invented this prediction technology the day of the big thing. Lucky, lucky guess. Okay, and the computer coding is done now. What's that rumbling?

Wow. Right on time. Every 150 years, they're supposed to be a big quake and the San Andreas fault line is over a hundred years overdue at this point. Which shitter get off the pot, you know, your goddamn line. Totally. It's trying to fucking hear about something. else other than the big one.

Yeah, just do it already if you keep talking about it. Jeez. So DJ Ray Gaines is driving, he's going to, the plan is driving his dirter back to school. She's got a big volleyball tournament coming up. Which is nice, I guess.

The daughter is, what's her, Alexandra Didario? Yes, this is a proto-Sidney-Sweeney. Yes, who's also in that first season of White Lotus with Sydney. She like handed off the, what do you call it. She handed off the big breasted lady torch to her. Yes.

She's a better fucking actor than Sidney Sweeney. I've seen her in a bunch of other stuff. Yeah. I think I actually still think Sidney's a better actress just because she could do more. I hope she hears this, bro. Seriously. Hi, Sunshine. No. Didario can get you a single. I do think at least

sometimes in the right world, Sidney's Sweeney could at least get a triple. Chris, do you agree with this? And possibly, but like, this does sound a little bit like you are on her Instagram page. You do continue to be the only one that fights for her honor. I think she's fine. I think she's fine. I mean, she's, I mean, she has been around longer.

Yeah. You know, she's in, she's in those Percy Jackson movies going way back, I think. And she's also, I saw it in that the abysmal Texas chainsaw, which I think was like Texas Chainsaw, they just called it that, but it was the 3D one, I think. Yes. She's in Hall Pass. True Detective Season 1 is the real thing because everybody is like,

why are all these true detective seasons don't have the titch in them? Exactly. What's wrong with that? Why can't we get back to that? Well, we start because she's, A, she's 29 years old in this movie's being made. She's playing an 18-year-old girl. Jesus Christ. And she is

by the pool side, obviously. Just that, you know, like, it's California. I know it's not in the script, Alexandria, but I figured, you know, you're on the phone with your dad. You're by the pool. I thought I was, okay. Yeah, no. I was supposed to be packing for school. Yes, packing for school by the pool. While topless and sunning yourself on you're on the phone with your father. Easy peasy. No, the top's on. Sorry, dad, I got to turn over. My tits are getting burned. What? But yeah, she just is like, oh, I'm excited to drive up for the volleyball game with you this weekend. You know, pick me up tomorrow. Bring my bike or. whatever the fuck you know god's fucking everything with this kid every week something new i got to do and i got to bring the goddamn bike well you know i mean you just have one kid now so it's got to be a little easier sure uh but yeah you know because it's a he's on the phone with her and then you get what's going on here because he's like oh yes this drive back to college will be so fun volleyball tournament bicycle in my car uh would you and your mom like to come over for dinner

tonight and then she's like, oh, we have plans. We're going over to fucking Yohen Gryphode's house and whatever. And then classic. And he does not have the Gerard Butler, Den of Thieves reaction to it. But the serving of the divorce papers right there on that kitchen counter tells you everything about what's going on with DJ in this movie. They're just there. They're just there.

She's like, oh, could you get my bike key? It's in my room. and he goes in her memory box. And it takes way too long to reveal this dead daughter. Yes. Because you're looking at photos of like them on vacation and there seems

to be another girl. Oh, dude, no, you get this immediately. I did not. Really? I saw that family photo and I was like, one, two, three, four. Oh, someone's dead. Oh, man.

I didn't put it together that it was the drowning in the back. Yes, no. They should have exed the eyes out so I would have gotten me. Well, that's, They kick in the sad music when he's going through that. So it's like, okay, either that's her best friend, which why would he be sad about that?

Or it's her sister, which that makes more sense. I thought it was maybe the divorce. Maybe the other kid was, you know, I don't know where at volleyball academy somewhere. So Giamati's assistant there, Dr. Kim, he's like, oh, hey, a bunch of mini quakes to south of Vegas. Like, let's go check it out or whatever. So we can use our prediction model and see if it works. So we cut to the Hoover Dam. Oh, Vegas, baby.

Yeah. Let's do it. Let's like. Kim, we can test the equipment in a second. I am running hot on this table, baby. Oh, no, now I lost it all. All right, before we go, Kim, I want to watch Swingers real quickly. Now, Kim, if you see Sharon Stone on my arm, pull her off because she's bad news.

She's trouble. That lady's trouble. It's too bad there's none of those predictive markets. then he could be like, I'll put it at all on earthquake. Hey, Polly Market, put it all on earthquake. Over under 9.1. I'll take those odds. These ads on Kalshi are something else, man.

So we get to the Hoover Dam. And I got to say between rewatching Beavis and Butta do America recently and this, I was like, man, you know, I want to get out to the Hoover Dam sometime. It seems like a really impressive thing to. to take a look at for a few minutes. Lost in America, great Hoover Dam sequence. Oh, yes, absolutely. So, yeah, we get there and this prediction model, uh-oh, it turns out it's working,

this huge pulse is happening, a 7.1, and then you see, like, Giamati and this Dr. Kim guy looking at each other, like, they know what all of this means, and we as the audience are like, well, it doesn't look good, but what could it possibly, oh, the fucking dam is starting to crack? Got it.

It's like, oh, we're down here for a 2.1 or something. It's like, it just jumped to a 7.1. And it's like, oh, fuck. You know, like, yes. That's bad. When the numbers go higher, that's bad. It turns out with earthquakes. Turns out this is a secret fault line that was, you know, no one saw it's cloaked or something. Yeah, one of those, one of those secret fault lines. You got to be careful with it. Oh, it's uncloaking to fire. It's earthquake power. That's the thing. He does a lot of, uh, uh, Giumati that is, ends up doing a lot of

marker math to figure this out. He has a big fucking map and he just puts the, like, I don't know what the fuck he's doing. It's a marker that goes up a line, another line over here, and then he shades part of him, like, I guess this is supposed to make sense. Okay. It's kind of like when

the Springfield PD is looking for the cat burglar and Wiggum starts moving. He's like, well, I don't know, but if I put this hair and this hair, oh my God, it's coming right for us. It is, I mean, it is, to Eric's point, like there's not nearly enough Giamati in the He's a lot of fun to watch because we're about to get by his most fun scene.

But again, like, if he's just in a control room kind of telling the rock what to do how to save a bunch of people. Yeah. This is kind of a movie as opposed to what it turns into. Like a grim death fest that I also kind of still enjoyed watching. If the L-AFD, like, had him out there and he was actually doing his job not crying about his family. Exactly. They bring in the earthquake scientist to be like, no, no, go here. Now, here's the thing, though.

And you guys are all completely correct on this. But, you know, we got to remember it's an action movie that we're watching here. Yes. I think a way that you can solve that hilariously selfish part of it is like there's got to be some dude at the L.A. you know, fire department that's like his ball. Like, what are you doing with that chopper? Get back here. And he like tells that dude to go fuck himself or something.

Like someone in the movie has to be like, hey man. Yes. I get it. But this is kind of not cool. And then DJ can tell him to go. crew, it's my family, whatever. But you just need that of like, oh, you know, Ray? Paul Giamatti

is like Alfred and he makes him like a an earthquake suit. Here's your earthquake suit so you can jump into the volcano or whatever's happening. They call him the rock man. Well, when he busts up the copter saving Natalie, there's a guy who you think

might be that guy who's like, God damn it, now I got to call him for a replacement and now, oh, the rudder is all fucked up and then never again. Never again. He's like, he's the shot mechanic or whatever. He's like the lotka of this helicopter. It sets, it sets up what we'll talk about in a second, why he's on his own for a second

third of the rock. But so like this whole thing's going on. It's great how Giamati in action mode, get behind the barrier. Dude, yeah. He saves so many lives, dude. And Kim is on his, he said, Kim, hurry up. But I'm like, dude, I know it's an earthquake. I'm going to move. I also, I can outrun you with little polo. Paul Giamani. Thank you very much.

Yeah, maybe you should get the head start, Paul Giamani. You don't see me drinking the Pepsi, do you? You don't see that happening. I'm just Kim over here drinking my unsweetened iced tea. Stopping for that little girl. What a mistake. A fatal mistake, it turns out to be. And this is wild because this is very similar to why John Carroll Lynch's character

and volcano dies. It's the same. It's the same. I'm throwing the person to you and sound. sacrificing myself. Giamati catches this little girl. And Kim is stuck because there's a piece of like iron piping through his foot and he can't pull it off. I think this is closer to

volcano overall. But they really did. They took all of the disaster movies, put them in a blender. And then like, Rock must have watched them all over a weekend and just been like, oh, they're all too sad. I can't, I can't. Like, it's okay if computer programs die, but actual people dying, I don't like any of that. So let's just cut all that shit.

You know, if they wanted to make this movie a little happier too, a little lighter on its feet. You got to end it with a little Randy Newman. A little bit. Right, yeah. You can't use I love L. Well, okay, so how about okay, Tony Bennett, I left my heart in San Francisco. That's nice. That's a little fun.

Yeah, yeah. I can't afford San Francisco. It's a super expensive city, but I love it. All this movie, I mean, we're calling it an action movie. I guess it is. I mean, I would like some fights. I know there was no fighting. But it's just buildings falling down.

This entire movie's buildings falling down without the fun kaiju. It's full survival. That's like the real thing. And that's boring. I've been thinking this since the beginning. Like all these survival movies, they always end up so boring. And you always get like one great actor in it to head the thing.

But like they end up being bored. Like when he crashes the hook and helicopter and they're just like trying to make it in that parking lot. I'm like, there has to be more scenes like that where he has to fight his way through it to get the thing he needs like Tom Cruise and War Worlds where he gets that truck.

How about like a like marauders emerge? You know what I mean? Like that's exactly. Whatever. Yeah. Because I mean like it's just it's just the buildings falling down because like even Twister which is movie also has seen quite a few times like at least they're like the storm chasers and they're

going in and like there's a lot of like it's not all chaos all the time. Like the fact that like it is chaos all the time. It's too big of a problem to deal with, really? You know what I mean? Right. Yeah, which I mean, it's like, how do you really deal with an earthquake problem in general?

But how do you deal with that? You know, you're trying to make a two-hour movie here. How do you solve a problem like earthquake? I'm going to tell you what to do now. Get under the desk now. I don't know if it's fan fiction, but I kind of got a little bit of maybe Professor Giamati and Kim might have been a couple possibly. You know what I mean?

because he's very distraught about poor Kim's death. I mean, it's best. Well, I'll tell you what, Steve. If I saw this happen to any of you, I'd be horribly distraught. None of us have ever had sexual intercourse with one another. No, I'd be, that's why I wanted to happen. So I'll feel anything. Once when, especially when we just figured out how to, like, figure out when podcast quakes are going to happen.

Once we figured it out, then you would be really sad. Dude, a podcast quake is when we go on tour. that's what that is. Oh boy. Stomping around the country. So, dude, this is a really, I love a disaster. He's like he's trying, Gi-A-Madi knows what's up and Kim knows what's up.

And Kim says to this girl, close your eyes. Don't watch my grim death. And then this dude gets washed away. Excellent. There he goes. So good. There he goes. Bye, Kim.

Bye-bye. The sick pad of Daniel Riddick, you and Grifford there. Right. Right, yeah. Is this? I know it's Welsh and I'm sorry. It's a totally other language. I do think it's Griffith.

Yeah, he's Daniel, what is his name? Riddick. It's Daniel Riddick, which I was like, is this before or after the rock and Vin Diesel hate each other? Because I wondered a little bit. I was like, is he like, look that Vin Diesel. He's going to be the villain. He's going to be a coward.

Yes. Yeah, because when that. was with what it's what fast and fury I think it was fast five maybe five five is 2011 uh fast six is

2013 so he's been around the rock and bin diesel they can't like each other at this point I think that's probably when it started because I feel like it was an earlier thing than a later thing I just googled it and you know you can't google anything anymore it's a AI overview and it says 2016 but that might be when the fate of the Furious came out and maybe it was this year of this movie,

I don't know. It's what, I mean, whatever one DJ is not in, the fallout had happened before that. Okay, fate of the Furious is 2017. It sounds like they were filming it in 2016. Maybe Vin Diesel was like,

hey, I didn't like the name of that character in, oh yeah. And you're San Andreas that came out last year, Bucco. Ridicke. That's what it was. It was the calling of Vin Diesel

Bucco that got him really pissed off. And he does like a shoulder shove kind of a deal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, just a really, you know, just like on a basketball court, Steve. Just like I'm, I fucking got my eye on you. Fuck you. I know what you're doing. But yeah, he is going to drop off this bike at this dude.

And right away you get it too, right? Because DJ's got to pull into this house. You see this massive fucking house here. But he gets the call about the earthquake shit like right as he's coming in. So this road trip to volleyball school isn't going to happen. Nope. But yeah, we are meeting for the first time, his soon-to-be ex-wife, this is Carla Gugino, meeting her new boyfriend that she's about to move in with. Yes, Ian Griffith. We don't get where, how long they've been dating or whatever. He's pretty much put off that they're moving in together immediately. Yes. He's trying to be the nice guy, like, oh, nice place you got here. He's not even trying to big dick this dude. He's like, try to be nice. But then when he finds out about the moving in, not so much.

Is it because like maybe the divorce papers just got delivered and you're moving in? Like you're, you didn't even announce it to him. Yes. I think. Yes. I think that's the like, you know, if you had just given me some time and she's like, it just happened. We just decided this last night.

And I'm like, well, then you should probably tell people before you confirm it. Like you should probably be like, they're like, hey, daughter. Hey, hey, ex-husband. This is happening. Are you guys okay with this? If not, I don't really care. I'm still doing it. Or even do the thing that most.

people in divorced families do you just keep stuff from people for a while like hey we're not just before like before he comes over listen we're not telling him that we're moving in just yet I know it sounds weird I want to tell him my own way just don't do that thing where you slip it

in a conversation because it's going to fuck me over real bad that's a good idea you keep your other house for a little bit you slowly move out and then when you list that house or apartment or whatever the other thing is you wonder like she's probably just been staying there for the longest time.

Aren't you used to this? Like, is that really that big a deal? Like, ultimately, is it that big a deal? It probably is it. Especially when you have a fucking earthquake, a string of earthquakes about to hit you there, brother. There are larger problems than the earthquake of your life. Exactly.

You're telling me that she's actually going home every night after being dick down by this Welshman? But, you know, his idea is like, oh, you know, I'm a Mr. Rich guy. I have a private plane. I'll fly Alexander Dadaio up. I'll go see the volleyball game, you know, kind of a thing. And, like, the rock kind of pouts and his way out of there. And then, like, he tosses that bike out.

Oh, yeah. He's not happy. It is kind of awesome, though, dude, because it is a situation where I think, you know, he knows he's in the right about this. Like, there should have been a different way that this was all announced to him. Sure. And then he just gets to do the, and I'll get those papers signed for you, too. Like a real, like I'm not making a fucking scene.

you fuck this one up and I'm keeping my cool because at least at this moment in time in this very driveway you're the piece of shit and you saved this news for Earthquake Day Thanks a lot You know I have to go out there earthquake hunting You fucking ruined earthquake day

for me this is unbelievable Because that's the thing because of the events of Nevada His team is being sent out to Nevada To help that is the point That is why he can't go That is what that helicopter is for to save lives in rubble in Nevada. Precisely that. Precisely.

So we are, yes, on our way to San Francisco. The other thing is, yes, he's a real estate developer. He's finishing a building, a new skyscraper that looks just as abysmal as all the new skyscrapers we have here in New York. We got to get to the fucking architecture schools, dude. We got to send a letter or something. Be like, what are you teaching these kids? It's important to price people out to have a lot of big empty buildings in your downtown metro area. Well, towers that look really fashionable and really sleek and everything, but are built like shit.

Like that is the key to these kinds of buildings. And he's like, this is the gate. It's kind of my child, if you think about it. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, that's, yeah. I love this exchange. She's like, how come you didn't have kids of your own? Oh, I did.

They're right here. Look, their buildings. Dude, if I'm her, I'm taking a note like note for later. Tell mom, it turns out these dudes a fucking weirdo. But think about all those architects. They'd be crying their heart out with these earthquakes and all these buildings flying down. Their children watching their children die.

I'm going to take her at, I'm going to take him at his word or the movie at their word. She's 18 in this movie, even though she's clearly like 30. Well, 18 or beyond. This is a college situation we're talking about. So like at this juncture,

if you're starting the mom and there's a college age daughter around fresh divorce, don't even do that. I'm not trying to be, just be like, I'd like us to be friends a little. Like even don't even bring up the I kind of would like to be your stepdad move like No this girl doesn't need a stepdad she's fucking 19 years old like it's oh she's parenting is over She can vote she can go buy cigarettes and lottery tickets she can fucking serve in the military

She doesn't need you to be your stepdad yeah exactly it's like I would like us to be friends you know what I mean like hearing the thing of I would like us to be friends you know what Like just be the friend just let it happen having to put a fucking pin and discuss everything endlessly to death I can't stand this stuff. Just be nice to a person. That's all. You say, I want to be friends. It sounds so pathetic. Listen, no, if I'm going to be nice to someone, I want to lay it out in front and say, I expect

something in return. Well, that's how the porno scene starts, dude. That's the other part of it, though. It's a little stuff, dad. It's okay. She's very hooterific. And if you start being extra, like, you know, I just want to spend some extra time with you.

I would like to get close to you because you and your mother, blah, blah, blah. It just, it's a little porny, dude. And they're like, this girl's radar has to be going off. I don't know about this. I can't wait to get to volleyball camp and watch you play with some balls. Maybe we can get dinner together just the two of us tonight. Just, you know, your mom's out of town, you know. Well, Steve, you...

Sexy little bistro I know about. I only eat it the sexiest beastroles. Steve, you brought up a good point, though, as far as how long has Mr. Riddick also been dating Carla Gugino's Emma character here? Because, like, if it's a very short courtship, and we're... not exactly like ready to walk down the aisle. I'd be like, fuck, this dude, my clearly attractive 19 to 20 year old daughter, private plane to San Francisco. I don't like that. Exactly.

Eyebrows her up. Well, she's also meeting his sister in the funniest scene in the movie by a mile and a half. Oh, God. 71 seconds of screen time for Kylie Minogue, ladies and gentlemen. Dude, what is that? Is that a scene's deleted? Like, why would you have Kylie waste her time with this? Probably, right?

Yeah, I buy it. But like where, I mean, all of those deleted scenes would have to be before the disaster because of what happens. It's all pretty quick. Well, maybe she is supposed to survive a little longer and like because the whole thing is like a Riddick is like she has to get through my sister who has to approve of her. Yeah, this weird fucking phantom thread bullshit. And like I am more interested and we do, I think it's around here that we do go back to Giamat. with the reporter from the helicopter. Yes.

And it's like, you have to interview me because we're about to. Here's my book, tremors, a book about earthquake that I made with my, my beautiful friend Kim. And actually we did. You know, Hollywood?

Hollywood is so fucked up. We offered them this and they're like, we're going to make it about earthworms. We're going to make about big, ugly worms that eat people. And I was like, no, it's about earthquakes. Not about worms. I love that he's just like,

yeah, failed book it did no numbers it's terrible you know I had the great script and they put fucking worms in it and I'm like god damn there's no worms and earthquakes that would be exciting just make this

tremors oh dude we I think we're overdue for a tremors reboot I think yeah you got it you gotta go back to formula like there because there was some sort of recent I mean there's been a hundred Tremer's movies yeah I know like and it's

that's just the garbage way to do it. You need to go back and be like, we want to make a real movie of tremors again. There's a lot of, you know, phony baloney movies with tremors. Legacy sequel, Kevin Bacon's back. You got Fred Ward as Grand Marf Tarkin C.G.I. Oh, no.

Absolutely, dude. Just desecrate that grave. That's a great idea. Just the trashest ideas for this tremors movie. I love it. Totally. Oh, thank you. Yeah, so this is, Yeah, this whole thing about, well, as of yesterday, now we believe that we can predict them. And then they find out, oh, what's going on with the San Andreas fault?

Something's going crazy. And then this is a, that's not right. Like Giamati looking at these numbers that can't possibly be real. Because he's got two sexy assistants. He's got this Russian dude, big hunky Russian guy. And this other lady, a real get a good look, Costanza, a lot of cleavage in this film in general. There is so much rack. thought I was shopping at Macy's.

These earthquake assistants, are they fucking or something? Because when he's like nudging her out of the way, it's like he's, this rushing guy is like touching her body and moving her. I think, yeah, it's that thing of like we're just a couple of, you know, similar in age academics. Professor Giamati's going off to his weirdly shared apartment with Kim every night. We don't know what's going on there. They're going to rub these assistants are going to rub their fault lines together and get their

rocks off. Oh my God. That's how geologists fuck. Create a bed quake. Yes. Bedquake. I would watch bedquake. On an incognito browser, of course.

Of course. Bedquake, front seat of the car quake. I love that incognito. It's like regular Chrome doesn't need to know about this one. That's just for us. I promise I won't tell regular Chrome what you're doing. Look, I'm also wearing sun. is in a trench coat.

But yeah, so what if the Hoover Dam wasn't an anomaly, we're saying, but a precursor event for something larger. This is Chris's marker scene, which is great. Yes, yeah. Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. The whole fault might go off to which the woman reporter's name is Serena Johnson

and she says, who should we call? And this is a great Giusemati look right at the camera. Everybody. It's great. And you don't even see him call anyway. And like, so like, it's not like, Mr. President, you need to evacuate San Francisco now. Genuinely stunning, there's not a president of the United States situation here. I think it's like, because we hear at one point, when Giamani's on the TV, he's like, you're going to feel this all the way on the East Coast.

Like, then it's a full on national, you know. I got a perfect idea. And all of my ideas make this movie stupid, which I think is a good idea. Sure. it's like oh no if the fault line breaks it's going to fucking rip the country at half and blah blah blah the ripple effects will go through and it's like mr president you need to authorize a nuclear strike on san francisco and it's just you know you get the plane coming and gmite turn those planes away oh dude yeah mr president turn those planes away fuck you academy award winner right there Like those people would be better off vaporized than dealing with the aftermath of the rubble here. I thought, you know, you cut to the White House in the Rose Garden to having like a thing, the little chairs out, a little buffet table, and suddenly one chair sort of falls over.

And that's it. That's the earthquake. That's what you feel it on the East Coast. Well, that's, I think that only works if you get Dwayne Johnson to also play the president. Oh, now we're talking. Oh, he's just got a silly wig on. He's just got to be, because there's no way you're going to get a rock movie where he's not the number one guy, right? He's got to be

number one with a bullet. Oh, they're like, oh man, hey, Ray, we're screwed, we need all these resources for whatever, and he's like, uh, let's see, I'm going to call my twin brother. You see a red phone ringing and it's Dwayne Johnson in a suit like an old gray wig and he

picks up the phone, hello. Mr. President, I mean, dickhead little brother. Oh, hey, what's going on, Ray? Oh, nothing. I need a fleet of helicopters, president brother of mine. Or else I'll primary you. Remember, I'm the earthquake hero. who president brother is a good movie I mean I think you get more of the president

I think you get more of Giamati if you get rid of this horrible Ben and Ali The shit boy The British shit boy and his wonderful It's the shit boy brothers It's disgusting I hate them

Ben is kind of He's like a normally attractive guy I get it but Ali is disgusting He's a big DSB Yes, this Ollie looks like he eats his boogers. I don't even know what this. I guess that they are going to go to a hotel or something. Her and Daniel Riddick here,

Dadario and Riddick are going to go there. But she just has to wait for him to do some business stuff and they'll get lunch or whatever. And whilst waiting, also he puts her in the fucking lobby. Like, this is your company? Like, isn't there a better like conference room? We can put this girl in or something. Yeah.

Don't you have an office here where she can hang out? Here's what's going on though. and I think it speaks to this Daniel Riddick's character a little bit, right? He knows he's got a record for bringing ladies up to that office and he's like, in this situation, this is the oldest daughter of the woman I'm currently sleeping with. I don't want

anybody getting any wrong ideas. I have to go upstairs. You sit right here where the security cameras see you the whole goddamn time that I'm upstairs. By the way, this shit boy, Ollie played Rick on Stark in Game of Thrones. How about that? I lost there. There were so many starks there.

There was a lot of starks. too many starks that's what everyone else talked to one of the youngest ones right he's the one that went off with the lady to the swamp people or something oh right okay oh yeah okay I was still watching at that point but but so she's just he's not here yet it's just her

and kind of flirting with this charming befuddled English gentleman who like spills coffee on himself or whatever exactly he fucking he is Hugh granting all over this original scene here but yeah so she's like helping him clean it off or whatever. This dude, Hugo Johnstone, Bert,

he's done a ton of Australian TV, but not a bunch of stuff, state side that we would have really known, I don't think. But, yeah, and so the whole thing is, like, he's there for a job interview, and the kid is there because they came with the whole family, and it's like a family trip to San Francisco, and Ollie's, like, really excited to tour around the area and whatnot.

Yeah, and he's doing this stupid shit boy thing of like, My brother likes you. He wants to kiss you on the mouth. Yeah. It's so annoying. He's too nervous to ask. Do you mind if I got your phone number for him? And then like he gets it or whatever.

And then he's just like, oh, I can't wait to be 20. I couldn't help but notice your jugs, Mrs. Oh, yeah, I got caught in a big, get a good look, Kostanza moment there. Like this guy is zeroing in on the valley, right? right in front of his face, dude. And she's got to be like, you know, it's not nice for young men to fucking look at my rocking tits like this. It's not cool dudes.

I know you like to come to our country and look at our tits, huh? Oh, Daniel Riddick is your hero. Do you think he has a chimney I can sweep? I think he's in one and the earthquake happens. Oh, dude, he's killed immediately. That'd be amazing. Thank God. A bunch of bricks fall on him and kill him.

So, and meanwhile, Carl Gugito and Kylie Minogue are about to have the most awkward lunch Thank God for this earthquake because she's sitting down and like yeah it's a fan of thread deal like we said like she basically like my sister needs to approve you which is very bizarre

so it's like they sit down it's a nice like rooftop restaurant very early Final Destination Blood Blood Bloodlines vibes from this sequence Absolutely and that's a much better sequence but yes Yeah much better in Final Destination blood

lunch. Yes, exactly. So they sit down and it's like, the waitress is like, oh, let me tell you the specials and like, Carlis get it is obviously nervous and like, but Collie Minogue's like, we'll need a minute, which is like, oh, business is getting out of the way up top before the fucking shrimp cocktail comes. We need a minute. Didn't you have a kid drown in an accident? Dude, yeah, it's like, so you're divorced and you got a dead kid?

What's with that? You've got to wait for the drink to arrive before you do that one. It's not even like, I get the, oh, so you were previously married. Yes, I was. And it's like, okay, I can see like, well, what's your intentions with my sexy brother? But it's like, so you had a kid that drowned, right? Like, it's just like, it's not, so you, she says it like, oh, so you went to Brown? I heard it was you went to Brown?

It's also, though, it's a weird like, oh, so you had a kid that drowned, right? You're not going to let my brother drown, are you? I want her to have like a checklist for this thing. Like she's going down it and she's like Me and Daniel talked about this. These are the major questions. So, drowned daughter,

I don't like that. I'm going to be, I'm going to be right up front with you. I don't like that. The pros and cons. Yeah, it goes to the cons. If you,

if you receive a score of 10, you can date my brother. But, hmm, dead daughter minus three points. Sorry. That's a lot of points off for a dead child. Yeah,

it is. But it's kind of funny because Gugina is just like, that's one way to put it. But then the Rock calls her from the helicopter. And he lets the audience know he's taking this helicopter off for maintenance. That's why he's by himself. And the entire team that we set up for 20 minutes has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. Right.

Yeah. Because it got dinged up by bumping into the car or whatever while they were doing the mission. And it's like, I'm sorry about the other day. I will sign the divorce papers. Hope were cool kind of a thing. And she even in this. moment is like I should have fucking told you myself like sooner

you did find out in a poor way and I'm sorry about that and right here right here okay you get I start doing some math right it's like you get the combination you know Mr. Riddick clearly a fucking billionaire scumbag kind of guy

the rock is calling about this we're both mutually apologizing to each other on the phone I was like this divorce has less than two hours to live yes exactly and she's the earthquake starts and the rock is like babe I'm coming to you and like this is what you needs someone on the other like we can see her off course blah blah blah where are you going what's going on you need you somewhere else and he needs to just like say no or it's just like he's getting someone's bitching in his ear and you see him turn the volume knob down you screams disobey boy that was annoying he turns some of Babe, get as many people as you can to the roof. I'm in the heli or whatever.

And it's just like, yeah, I guess during an earthquake, you shouldn't go to the roof, right? I mean, no. Not unless you know your husband's coming in a helicopter. That's kind of the other part of this movie, which is, again, very me and mind-coded, which is like, I'm a man, I don't, which also goes against the point of the movie.

The point of the movie is seemingly science, right? Like, Gi-A-Mati's going to warn people, yada, yada, yada. And like the point of warning people is like evacuation plans get to you never go to the roof. You always go down the stairway, whatever. You know what I mean? But instead it's just like everyone's going to go this way, but the smart people are going to go that way. Right. And if everyone doesn't listen to evacuation plans, there are no evacuation plans and everything goes to shit.

This whole movie is like, huh, guess you should have become a, you should have became a helicopter pilot and took care of your family like I am. Exactly. Exactly. Stupid idiot. But also, I mean, you see this. instance, like the whole notion of get down the emergency stairs doesn't really work either because the emergency stairs literally start

falling to the ground as well. We pass by the kitchen and one of the chefs is on fire. That's great. So hard, man. It's so great. It's like a mechanic being hit by a car. It's a one to one. Oh, so it's like a gardener or a lawn maintenance man

getting killed by a fucking mower? Yeah. Well, this is, that was when I was like, oh, this is very destination bloodlines now. Like the dude's just fucking on fire screaming. I was like, hell yeah. And also, Kyle Minogue,

like once she says, like, you have a dead daughter, right? You're like, oh, this lady's going to get it. And it kind of doesn't happen.

Because it's like, oh, you have to come with me to the roof. Like, Gugina is going to help her. Like, it kind of would make sense of like this turns into like a Poseidon adventure kind of thing.

Like a bunch of people are going through something together. But the Poseidon adventure was one whole movie. Yeah, that's taken up a lot of real estate. That's why Kylie's just got to amazingly go through this door, let it close. And then like some sort of Looney Tunes gag, Carla Gugino opens it, and there's just the sky because the rest of the building is fallen. I need to see her go, aye. Yeah.

Yeah, you miss her, but there's a dude right there that's like, hey, I know you want to see Kylie Minoguefall, but this is me doing it instead. Does this do anything for you? What if she just held, like, she starts to fall and she holds up a little wooden sign that says Yelp or something? Oh, there we go. But because she's supposed to be like this rotten bitch or whatever, it's a Yelp review and it just says it's Yelp half star for the restaurant. Yeah. She presses. She's actually reviewing it.

She sends it before she does. Hey, if they were going to make an epic movie three, that would. They're going to, Chris. I mean, you know, the spoofers are big narrow, right? It's all going to happen. I agree with this. The naked gun did well. Scary movie did very, very good.

We're going to see. we're going to meet the Spartans again. I would bet anything. Oh, God, oh, dude, Diedrich Bader is just fucking cracking his knuckles, getting ready for the check. What's,

you think Craig Bierko's sitting by the phone? Because he's in a lot of them fucking scary. Yes, yes, he is. He's the Tom Cruise, he's the stand in for Tom Cruise when they do war in the world. Yep,

exactly. Yeah, but it would be cool if, again, in a heroic sense, like, because there's like this, even this,

like, waitress that she's trying to help, like if she can get one or two other people to the roof, then we've got a team of like disparate strangers and an adventure together. They're all in the helicopter and maybe, you know what I mean? If the movie is staying in Los Angeles, but we have to get to San Francisco

because there's more important and hotter people to save up there. We got to go. That's true. Including Didario, who is, Riddick comes down from his office and they're about to leave and that's when this thing starts happening. They're in the parking garage.

Yeah. The parking garage. And he's the driver's like, keep going, keep going. Just get us out of here. And like, of course, there's a, right before they hit the exit, a ground just falls out and they go into like a sub basement. It looks like, or a sub parking. Yeah, back down a level. And then a bunch of concrete collapses on the car and crushes this driver completely.

I need a shot of their face. He's getting covered in blood real quick. Yes. A good flatter. It wouldn't have hurt. Yep, totally. Because that dude pops like a grape. you're totally right.

And De Dario's legs are unfortunately stuck in the car, but not crushed in any way. Well, certainly not. No one ever gets hurt. But like they're just, she just stuck there. And Griffith, you know, he's doing his best. Riddick is, but he can't get it. You're saying his stepfather with a stepdaughter, she's stuck. Yeah, this dude, it's checking all the boxes for something freaky to break out.

And he actually leaves. Can you imagine it? This isn't browsers. You get the vibe immediately when he's. starts telling that limo driver to drive faster like fuck these people drive through the gate or whatever it's like oh oh he's a total coward

oh this is going to be good yeah so he runs away and she's left on her own if you're going to do that you need to like quickly snap her neck you know you don't want to survive this somehow and let people know and this is your big challenge right this is like you are in a position where if you save your girlfriend's

daughter after she's already got you know one in the ground right? Like, you are, you are clear for landing from here on out, dude, like, you will be a hero. And instead, this dude chooses selfishness and cowardice. Well, you know what he could say? He'd be like, oh, we'll make our bloody own. And then cracks her neck. Quiet, girl, quiet girl. You're going to a better place. You're going to a better place.

You can see your sister. Don't you miss her? But yeah, so while this is going on, Ben overhears Daniel, just telling the security guard, oh hey there's a girl trapped in the parking lot and then he runs out of the building there's a security guard that's uh flattened also like a pancake that's what that's what sort of puts him into like a sort of because you know he's trying to do the right thing to get the security guard to help the girl this dude gets destroyed and it knocks his shoe off and this sends him on a fugue state out of right he's looking at his own shoe which i didn't get until later you see he's walking with only one shoe and i was like oh it's the security guard's boot that's awesome but no his shoe fell off and if you're looking at it, grab your shoe, motherfucker. Well, I think that that's, I mean, like, that's, we're trying to humanize him a little bit. We're not supposed to make him a big asshole.

He's, he's just in, in shock, I think, at least in the beginning, maybe. Or maybe he's a huge coward. Probably a huge coward. I think it's a huge coward. You know what it is? Because he's like, I don't have the balls to kill this girl on my own. Yeah. But my, my beautiful building is going to do it for me.

Adios. Like, this is, he's not trying to help with shit. He does the whole, like, I'm going to go get help. I'll be right. And she's screaming like, don't leave me, don't leave me. you're not fucking coming back with hell. I mean, he does to be fair. He does yell at the security guards, but then that's it.

Really, it's just, it's his girlfriend's daughter. He doesn't know that well. And his actual child, the building is in trouble. That's a good point. Yeah. Right. This earthquake is abusing my child. Exactly.

That sounds like a lifetime movie title. I would watch that. Oh, hell yet. We do see the, uh, the Hollywood sign fall apart. That's pretty cool. And like the whole wave going to L.A. looks pretty good. the effects in this movie

I think are pretty solid. Yeah, they're okay. They are. It's kind of just too much. It's too much. It's a lot of carnage. 2010 CGI maximalism. Well, like this size,

this, to do a fucking joke from 10 years ago when this movie came out, this movie saw Man of Steel and said, Hold my beer. Yes. 75, 9-11s, why not 75,000? Well, that's,

that was 2012. And they were like, maybe we can beat them. And then no, like, that's the last movie I thought of that was like this, except for like no big boat to save us or anything like that. Isn't there some world destruction stuff in that Greenland movie? I think so. That's the whole point.

Oh, yeah. Did you see those? Chris, I've not seen them and I'm circling them. I saw the first one. I thought it was pretty boring. I have not seen the second one. Because it's supposed to me, if I'm, like, reading people's reactions to them, right? It's like, it's a disaster movie kind of thing.

but it's way more like human focused and not as like spectacle focused. It's more like, and I think it's more, from what I remember, it's more like about like, oh, like actual environmental stuff is getting bad. Like it's not just like the faults that like everybody's like, yeah, one day California is just going to go into the ocean and that'll be that. So, yeah, oh, this is where, yeah, Susan eats shit or whatever. That building's falling down. Carla makes her way to the roof right here.

The only one. Yeah. Everyone else is just fucking dead. DJ gets there with the trapper. This is like now like a Universal Studios stunt show. Like the copters coming in and like the roof just all sets on fire and like a perfect circle around her. From here on out more or less, I am like, okay, let's get to the end. Like as soon as all the setup, like all the death stuff, I'm like, oh, come on.

Like just let's get to it. Enough CGI death. But that is literally the rest of the movie. There's an interesting part right here where, like, he is trying to save her. And like, yeah, we get the thing in the hover mode, which when you see all these buildings coming down, there's a shot of like we're going across Los Angeles to see all this happen. And the ones that you see falling are all like very specifically bank buildings. Yeah.

And then there is this thing about like, you know, the dastardly boyfriend is the shitty billionaire businessman. And the hero is like the working class dude. Like there is something class conscious. about this movie? Like just the slightest little cube hair. Do you think Tyler Durden started the earthquake? Maybe. Well, dude, in my notes, Eric, that shot, it reminded me of the end of Fight Club with just all the different banking

buildings, the credit buildings. You bet me in a very strange time in my life in this helicopter. Also, Cloverfield, which was closer to this time of release, Cloverfield, he's just like destroying all the major brands. Like, Sephora gets fucked up in that. Yeah, that's right. All the big banks get fucked up in that. But so they're

in the helicopter. She's saved. Oh my God, thank goodness. We get a call from our beautiful dirter here and we, it's like you know, he left, you know, we find out that Riddick left her and Gugito's furious. It's like, we're coming to get you, baby, because that's

what the rock decides he's going to do. Exactly. Which is quite heroic in a way, but also it's kind of like making a 9-11 movie where a firefighter pushes past people to get to his own daughter. Like it's kind of like that. It's, you know, the pushing past is what's sealed this for me, Steve. It's if George Costanza wrote the script to a disaster movie.

Well, of course the hero would do this. He's the hero. He's got to get to his family. It doesn't matter that he pushed down an old woman in a stairwell. It's clearing the way. This helicopter is so valuable in this moment for like, you know, saving lots of people. And again, like, he's in the fire department. Like, this is a, it's a higher calling.

you kind of have to, and I'm a coward. Like, I would be dead or I would be pushing. I would have jumped off a bit. I would just get crushed immediately. Like, I'm not saying I'm some hero. But in terms of extolling values, this is a weird value to extol. Well, he's an idiot because he gets into this, once he gets Carla Jujino and he's up there, they're like having this, like, all of a sudden it's nice for a little bit.

And like, it's calmed down. And they're like, God, should we get divorced? Do you think that that's probably worth. now that everybody's dead, right? Remember that trip we took? Yes, they have this like remembering the good. And this is where that scene is also like, hey, I'm going to finally try to pry you open about our dead daughter.

Oh, man, they should show the divorce papers on his desk at home and the whole house rips open and it falls away. Don't worry about that. As they're flying away, you see like a mother and her child on a rooftop with a white flag. And they're just like, nope, no time. Sorry. I'll put them out of their misery by tipping the hat and cutting them out.

Coon loud coming. You ever see this in a zombie movie? We got a daughter and some Brits to save. Sorry. Oh yeah, I see a bunch of people on that other rooftop. Gotta keep going. Gotta keep moving. But then like he doesn't notice that the fucking thing is out of gas.

And like he's like, oh, I should have done something about that. And then immediately he's like, okay, honey, we're going to crash. And we're going to crash into this mall that will have clothes for us that look very stylish for the rest of this movie. It is, I do like the one after they decide they're going to go, Carl Gagooda calls Riddick. And she's like, I hope you're dead because I'm going to fucking kill you. Dude, yes, that's a fucking awesome line. I really love it. Which is true because he will be dead in moments.

Certainly will be. But so they have spoken to the daughter, by the way. We should say because she has teamed up with our two friends from the UK who have saved her from the wreckage. And they've gone to an electronic store. Oh, that's right. Find a landline phone. Because she knows all this like, you know, stuff. If there's an emergency, let's do this, that, and the other thing.

Find supplies. Landline phones will still be working, that kind of stuff. He's also like an engineer. He gets her out by using a carjack and like using engineering skills of like popping the tires. and whatever. Which is really funny because he's applying for a job, like an entry level job, in the same company that Mr. Riddick runs

and it's like that dude, supposedly this fucking engineering Marvel can't even think of all this stuff that this kid looks around for two seconds and McGiver's a way to get her out of this. When you actually want to do it, you can. Cell phones don't work and she's like we need to get

to an electronics store and the little, the alley, the little shit boys. Like, my book has everything, you know. The directory of San Francisco, they put it together. I'll tell you what, you got some fucking tourism book. Fine, you need that stuff. Guidebooks are very helpful. I don't think there's a section for Radio Shack, okay?

Likely not. No. The phone shops you just need to see in San Francisco. Exactly. Oh, the shopping, the dining, the batteries you might be buying, all are listed at this book. Top five places to buy red, yellow, white RCA cables for your VCR. And that's just code for sex stuff. Knock three times on the back wall and they'll let you into the real store.

And then you're really knocking some back walls once you're inside. Absolutely. But, oh, so then Giamatti back in the laboratory that he never leaves after this is like, oh, if we can hack the feed, we can get this woman on the air of the news broadcast even though all the shit's down so he's like well we're at the smartest god damn school in the world let's get hacking. I just imagine he's going to save all these people while they're in rubble

turn the TV on so we know what's happening to us. No Eric Caltech survives. Everything else goes into the fucking abyss but Caltech survives. God bless it. But who's going to be watching is the question. That's what I was getting at yeah. Yeah. Well it's not just for that area though because this is where he's like this is nationwide, motherfucker. Like, you're going to feel this on the East Coast.

And then very importantly, though, this is an important thing. He's like, hey, San Francisco, I know that fucking sucked, but guess what? It's not over yet. There's more shit coming your way. We need to get on the air because the East Coast needs to know to secure their chairs outside. They might tip over. There was a local earthquake we had a couple years ago. That was like kind of nothing.

It was nothing. But those fucking like northeast specific memes that were like the date of it, it was like July, 11th. or something so it was like 7-11 never forget and it's a white plastic lawn chair just tipped over that's what we're in store for here I remember that's so vividly because I was on shrooms at the

time and I was like what was that and I sweat back and it's like oh it's over good I have never ever felt an earthquake in the east coast and people say they felt them they happened but I don't know where I was I was in a building downtown where I was working and

like it did shift a little bit And I was like, that's weird. I just thought it's windy or something. Sometimes those buildings could do that. I was in Manhattan that day and I didn't notice anything. I was probably on the toilet and I was like, I guess that's just me shuffling around. Yeah, you're making your own rumbles, dude.

I remember being vaguely nauseous, which again, it's not some fucking hero story. You know what I mean? We have to warn the East Coast fat guys. They're going to be vaguely nauseous. Steve's sitting here. He's like, was that that earthquake or that fucking hot dog I had? Hmm.

But so he's, on the air and he's telling us all this stuff. We just experienced what's called a swarm event, he says. And like, yeah, San Francisco's going to get harder. You'll feel that on the East Coast. And here we go, she's like, what advice do you have for people? He goes, drop cover and hold on

because your life is going to depend on it. Great. This is why you get Giamati for these kinds of things, because if it's a lesser guy, that very fucking, like, stupid movie line is not working as well. Yes. Absolutely. We do

a moment with what is the name Andy Griffith? Walking a Beyond Gryffard or whatever. Mr. Fantastic. It'll old Mr. Rinnick. This is very 9-11 coded of him walking amongst the

clouds of dust and debris. People just kind of all in a group shuffling up a street. This is his real coward moment when like there's a big dust cloud going to eat everyone and he rushes it there's a guy holding on in a corridor and he shoves him

out into it and takes his place that's pretty shitty that's how you die it's a that's a real rocking one that kind of same like we're holding onto a pole thing done much better in Godzilla minus one there's a whole Godzilla does a thing and a bunch of people get blasted by the wind like that that's pretty good um but so yet

DJ and parla here are driving and yes they have to do that they do the crash landing we're driving in a truck now and then this is a great they pass by these two old people broken down on the side of the road. And I didn't realize at first that yes, what the old people are doing are telling him to like stop, don't drive any farther. But I thought they were like, help us. We need a ride.

And DJ's like, fuck off y'all. Just drive because he drives right past him. You're not related to me in any way, old timer. I thought he was going to pull over to help those people. And then I'd hear a click of a gun and be like, I think we'll be taking that car of yours. Yeah, exactly. And then you can see

Dwayne Johnson punch an old man in the face. How do we not get a single scene of someone being selfish besides Mr. Riddick. There is, well, because there's the, when they get the car, like basically a lot of people are looting, you know how people loot these days. Am I right, everybody? And they are, this is when the rock thinks it's okay and fine to steal someone else's car because these are bad people, they're looters.

And like, you know, it was stolen already. And there's a guy who has a gun and the rock is just, okay, it's him up in a second. Right, yes, you're right. I forgot about that scene. And all those TVs fall off the back of the truck. Yes. Totally, but it is so funny because that's the movie breaking its back to be like, I promise you, and this is me, the movie talking. Hi, Mr. San Andreas here.

The Rock is a good guy in this movie. Exactly. Because you have to see, look at all the stealing. Okay. And then, yes, the very pointed someone else has already stolen this truck. Precisely. Because you see all the starter wires ripped out. Someone hot wired it.

And then after this old timer leads them, he's like this aviation field. is down here. The old timeers wearing a hat for the aviation business. DJ then gives that old couple the truck to like pay it forward. So like he helped all these people and he already stole a stolen truck. He's a really good guy. He's giving them this truck so he can go steal

this guy's airplane. Yes. Because that's the thing is like again it's a very human instinct to want to save your child. That makes a ton of sense. But if everyone does that, then no one's doing anything good. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. There's not a lot of community in this movie.

No, no, no, no. So yes, they find an Iscadivie plane, an ice skydive plane here, and we're off to the races in the sky once again. Because, yeah, the people, the old people, like, they are like, oh, we run in the airfield, but we can't fly it, don't worry, it's totally fine, go take our plane.

We'd love for you to take our plane. Yeah, you know, after this giant tragedy we're all going through, I would love to also be financially ruined. So please take, the plane do whatever you want well isn't it in trade they take the truck

the old couple takes the truck oh right yes okay yeah that's what I was saying DJ like gifts them like oh I see yes yeah he doesn't just leave them there to die yeah but a guy that big being like I need your plane I mean that's that's a threat just the rock just existing

is a threat to me scary guy there is more like detail here before they take off. He's like, I've always blamed myself for Mallory's death. She drowned on a rafting trip that the rock, you know, suggested they go on or whatever.

And this is a haunting line. The look on her face, the moment she realized, I wasn't going to be able to save her. It's revealed here that it was his idea to go rafting that day. That's a tough one, dude. Like, because again, it's not like your daughter, like your daughter died in a fucking fun run. You know what I mean?

it kind of sucks. It's like a, right before she died, you're both going woohoo, woohoo, and now she's dead. Kind of not great, you know? Yeah. But this is, again, this is where I was like,

I can see this divorce just melting like ice cream in the hot sun because she puts her hand on his thigh and says, let's go get our daughter. Oh, yeah. We're going to get something else afterwards, too. Shred them fucking papers the second you get home. And you know that thigh is rock hard.

because he's a muscular guy. Oh, totally. Yeah, Alexander Dadario is taking the two boys because it's like, oh, my dad is great. And he's going to say, we have to get to the highest point in San Francisco so we can see us or whatever. We're going to Coit Tower. Well, there was, so there's a plan. They have one plan that I didn't really understand that DeDario goes through. But then they find a fire truck full of like goodies, like including like a radio that they can, uh, uh,

listened along to the emergency lines. And then Ben, the eldest of the UK kiddos, looks up and is like, there's no way we can do what we want to do because this place is fucking destroyed. And Dario is like, okay, now we have to get the higher ground. And they're like, how do you know? All you know is that, oh, wait,

your father is in charge of this shit. Okay. Well, that's what's awesome because Ben is being the fucking dude who's trying to be like, man, hero guy. And he's like, everyone else is going, way, the cops told us to go this way, whatever. And then the brother is like, hey man, who of us knew, you know, how about the fucking medical kit here?

Who of us knew how to get the call into, you know, from the electronic shop? Like, I trust her to know these things. I need a scene right after they steal this radio from the fire truck, like a firefighter running back. Where the fuck's that radio? Holy fuck. All our medical supplies. This diabetic guy is dying in front.

They took the insulin. I can't fucking believe it. Yes, yes. Because it's like, and also like, you know, it's really important to do it in a disaster, guys. Don't listen to the experts. Do your own research and go your own way. And you know what I mean?

I think that's a really smart idea to do in any kind of it is. Any type of authority figure saying, you know, trying to, like get people out of harm's way, a certain direction, it's a lie. It's a FEMA camp. That's a bad FEMA camp. Turns out in this movie, it's totally true, though, because all of those people that followed the cop's directions

are fucking killed by the tsunami that comes later. Which is a great message. It's led to a lot of people not getting vaccinated. Yes. Wait, wait a second. I don't remember. Now, I seem to remember a certain film,

Shane and Dress. You see what they told to do those people? Yeah, what didn't work out for them either. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go rewatch True Detective Season 1,

Episode 3. You know which parts. I don't care if the president of the United States is a yellow, King, he's nice, I like it. Also, it's unbelievable about this. After we have seen they're looting the best bot or whatever the fuck is going on there, right?

It's weird to me that she's like, oh, hey, abandoned fire truck, we're taking all this stuff. And you see all of these other survivors just continuing to walk and not a single other person is curious to be like, what are they doing? And no one's fucking fighting over gauze or you know, medical.

Exactly. There should be people bleeding on the streets in this movie, but there isn't. It's either you're gone or you're okay. She's taking like glisteningly cold bottles of water out of this fire truck and they're stealing and you're seeing like a little peasant woman walking by like a little old lady like I wish I was already dead. But they at this point somewhere as they're walking, Ben gets a cut on his knee that's very important, right? That's kind of something. Oh yeah. He hurts himself. somewhere. I don't remember where he's got a big fucking gash there. Something like a piece of

metal. Oh, there's some sort of glass explosion at some point and glass falls into his leg. This is like they're on their way to like the mountains or whatever where they want to go and then like Knob Hill, we're told. And he gets cut and it's very hot shots part do. Oh my god, how am I going to save this guy's life? Let me take off my

outer tank top. So now I'm only wearing my under tank top to tie up his wound. And what we should definitely do is take the piece of glass out of the wound. That is definitely everybody else is like, no, just leave it in. Let the medical experts take care of it. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. We take it out and you sterilize it with

boob sweats. Of course. Dude, tap the rackies. Exactly. But so meanwhile, up in the sky, DJ realizes he can't land the plane at the airport because the fucking runways are all crumbling and everything's on fire. So we have to do something that's totally awesome.

He pulls a fucking Batman and he's like, listen, this plane is just going to fly out into the ocean and we're going to fucking jump off of it before it runs out of gas and parachute into Oracle Park. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I thought this was Nirvana, the band, the show the movie for a second. All right, Eric's wife of mine. We have to jump off the CN Tower to get it. Yes. To get a show at the Rivoli. the

The rivoli Please They'll fucking burn your house down Apologies I don't want the Canadians mad at me They They actually did do real skydiving here Woohoo woohoo

Dude you could You could tell it looked fucking cool It really did The CGI faces on them landing though Those weren't the people Those weren't the actors landing You see a little jittery face Kind of a deal

That's right We are here on the skydiving news network The Action News Network as we know, the safest place to be in a earthquake is in the sky. That's right. Up here in the sky. We're broadcasting live here, the skydiving action news network. And not a thing wrong here in the sky.

There's a cloud, never mind, found an imperfection in our perfect day. At this time, you should not do any diving. You can do a lot of sky. It's not a lot of diving. We're going to separate these. That's right. You can jump out of your plane as long as you're tethered back to it.

You're just doing some skying, you see. Oh, my God. I'm doing another prediction here. It looks like there's going to be a sky quake. Oh, dude, fucking sky quake coming to Sci-Fi channel this summer. It'd be awesome. I think sky quakes are just turbulence.

There's three of those movies. Right, yes. We should do that first one, dude. I think Leota's in it. Leota's absolutely in it. I just googled Skyquake and apparently it's a transformer. Okay.

All right. There you go. It's going to take it. It's taken. Oh, no. SkyQuake is dead. But so, dude, I got to say, DJ, you know, we criticize this a lot. He is generally sexless in a lot of these movies. I do appreciate this kind of funny little sexualized quip when they land. And he's like, oh, it's been a while since I got you to second base.

And I was like, you know what? I'll take it. I'll allow it. Yes, I will too. Nobody else we got on second base. All the product placement this movie could fucking afford, man. every, I mean, it's a baseball stadium. You can get away with it. Everything is represented here. I would have liked him to take that second base line a little more.

And now, yeah, it's been a while since I got you to second base. And then like he touches her in an area and goes, I think I'm going to steal home. And after this is, oh, that's what it's. And after this is all over, I'm going to try to steal home. Yeah. Our daughter, will you stop it, please? Let's go get a boat. No, no, no.

line into home plate. Not the mood to be fingered right now. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. I'm dry as the Sahara. I'm scared for my life and my daughter's life. My one remaining daughter, I'm not really in a fingering mood right now. Get you in a fingering mood on Saturday night.

Those are big fingers, though. Why buy a dildo when you got fingers like that? Yeah, that's like a dick each. Nice thicklings. He curls together his dick hand into a fist. Everybody, let's move on. I've been riding the rock pretty hard for not being heroic. This is heroic moment where he does usher people to safety because he realizes that as this next quake is happening,

the buildings are going to fall and the safest thing to do is huddle against the stadium. Right. They're at. And he is shepherding people. I think he even picks up a lady and stuff. So there's stuff there. Yes. To be fair, there is a little bit of this.

And to the point of like both of the parents like being selfish in this, quote unquote selfish in this moment. Yeah. Carla Gugino helps out the rescue here too because DJ's like, here take her. And he gives a girl to Carla and then he's like directing other people. So it all works. Again, though, to my argument or, you know, theory about the class stuff again, when we cut back to the kids and they're walking to this neighborhood in San Francisco, Knob Hill. and the kid is reading the origins about it and he's like it's called knob for nobility but people call it Snob Hill now

and I'm like you know it's not saying a ton but this movie has a little bit of a thought process These are rich British kids come in here stealing our jobs Do we know that they're rich? What is any information about that? That accent's rich

I think to me it is It just is He's got a nice suit on He's applying for a job Yeah, look at that rich fucker applying for a job. What a piece of shit. 7,000 miles from home. It's fishy to me.

Yeah, oh, but then the I love this shot, the ballpark lights all tip over and you get some electric play going on here a little bit, which is pretty cool. But then I don't understand this DJ line or he's, the woman is like, how did you know that this would work or whatever?

And he's like, get up against something sturdy, protect yourself. Triangle of life. And I was like, triangle. What? The fuck i never heard that no i never some fire department thing maybe i don't know yeah you know it's it was the uh dude they just put up the food pyramid and he didn't know what it was yeah that was a triangle life yeah better than the triangle of sadness i guess though it's true yeah you don't want to be in that giamati's got some line where he's like oh this was the biggest ever recorded it's a 9.6 and if you look at the trivia i guess they did ask like

some scientist or whatever to help them with like factual whatever and they asked the guy like hey how accurate is it and he was like well yes they did take some of my advice but the san andreas it can't i can't get to a 9.6 and i'm like dude you were advising on a film called san andreas about the big one of course it's going to be inaccurate no it's stupid it's very silly like come on like if they took all of your scientific advice it wouldn't make a you know quote unquote exciting disaster movie. No, of course not. They basically

Alexander Dario sees his building, Riddick's building. Oh, by the way, they see Riddick's building and that's where they're going to go. They're going to go there. Yes. Meanwhile, and again, like, after the big stadium crash, they just get a boat.

We don't see how they get a, how Rock and Gugino get this boat. We don't see who they steal it from, what family they throw into the water. water. They drowned some other family. That would be awesome. I'm sorry, but your daughter's older than mine.

She's had a longer life. He's drowning her. They do a ridic. They just throw these people away. No, I have to survive. Not you. You at least see, like, they are, because on the other side of Oracle Park,

there is, like, the famous marina that's right there. So you at least see the shot of, like, the boat parking lot. So you know they have options at least. But yeah, he's like, she's like, how are we going to get through all this damage to get up there? And he's like, we're not, we're going to go around it or whatever. And then this is where DJ sees all of the water, you know, going way out of the bay. And he's like, oh, fuck, tsunami time.

Get in this boat now because we're totally screwed. And this is the shipping container boat that kind of tips over into the Golden Gate Bridge where a Riddick is walking. And he just gets fucking flat like Daffy Duck. It's amazing. God, damn it. It's like, you know, and again, Ian Griffith. Griffith playing one of Cinemann's greatest

cowards in this movie. And what a fantastic Looney Tunes-esque death for this guy. And then I realized he could kind of corner the market on playing dudes with hilarious deaths at end of movies because remember he's the bad guy in that most recent Bad Boys movie and he's

hilariously fucking eaten by gators. That's fair, yes, you're right. And I'm laughing at that too. You're fighting something here. He's building a Sean Bean-esque. resume. Yes, exactly right. He'll make it to a longer part of the movie. Like, he'll make it later in the movie than Sean Bean, but he will still hilariously die at some point. Somehow, a couple days ago,

the golden eye ending just came across my feet and watching that dude fall from that fucking tower, that satellite dish. And just the thud that, because usually, you know, we talked about this on our episode on patreon.com, so you can listen to do it there. But usually you'd note see the thud, but in that It's Martin Campbell. You see the thud. Campbell knew you needed to see the thud, dude.

And it's like a little puddle of water at the bottom of that satellite, too. So he's fallen in like tepid, gross jungle water. That adds insult to injury there. It does. This Ian Griffith guy, he's going to be in a movie called Zipline coming up. That'd be a great way to die for him. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

He's not going to make it. I don't think he's going to make it through Zipline. You'll never want to cut the Zipline. Yes. Oh, fuck. Now I want to. I don't even know what Zipline. about, but great title to get me in the theater alone.

Or direct to streaming, probably. But this whole sequence of him, like, we have to get over the wave before it crests. Very cool. We're running this boat up. You're seeing other boats with not as strong a motors, not so lucky. They're getting flipped over. But the reveal of the tanker ship coming over the crest of the wave, very cool, very like kaiju feeling.

Very nice. But just that fucking blanflatens this mother. fucker. It's so good. Ugh. And then you just see, just when you thought the destruction was over, here's round two. The tsunami just wiping out what was left of the rubble of San Francisco. Yes. And this Ali shit

boy is like, boy, what's that noise? And then Alex Adairio's like, we're not high enough. Get down. And the water blasts through this high rise here. Pretty cool. Pretty cool, I have to say. Yeah, so they're all flooded. And now

it's like, now it's like you're fucking Poseidon. adventure. It is. There is a little bit of everything in this movie. Yeah. But Giamati's just out of the movie at this point. Because again, like, what is you guys? Well, I told them to get out of there.

Why are they drowning? Exactly. Told you so. Yeah, like his last thing until the end of the movie, I think, is like him when he's saying it was the 9.6 or whatever. Yeah. And the experts just in the theater are like, idiot.

Dumbass. But so, like, you. You see DJ and Carla Gugino sort of wading through this newly flooded city or whatever. And there is a really great, like, she's like, where is she, Ray? And then, like, DJ sort of like ticks his head toward the sky. Like he's some sort of like magical tracker. And he's like, I think they're this way. Like, he's using some tracking magic here in the end of the movie.

Come on. Are you kidding me? But here we go. But they get to the area, at least, of the. and they don't see it. It's just they're banging against the window, right? Yes. Yes.

So just banging against the window for probably hours before the rock showed up or what. It's just very funny that they, I know it's Riddick's building or whatever, but. But then they're saying like drive off and you think like all is lost, but then the disgusting shit boys got a laser pen, which. Yes. Yes. Was he playing with that earlier in the movie? He was for a minute.

I didn't see it. Yeah. None of the, yeah. I think he does it to her. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's fucking zeroing in on those fucking nipples. I don't know. I would have liked to see more of that. Like he's like highlighting.

Oh. Well, obviously, every day I want to see those. But, you know, just like he's doing the laser pointer on people that are dying. Oh, yeah. There's one. There's one. Or he shines it in some guy's eyes as he's trying to like climb a scaffolding. I like that.

Yeah. He's about to get right to the top. They're like, come on, Jeff. You're almost there. One more grab. And then he falls off a ladder. Fuck you, you, a little shit, boy. And then he hits the ground and you see the thud, Martin Campbell's though.

Yes. Dude, know how we have like Wilhelm scream? We should have the Martin Campbell thud. Yeah, exactly. Take that sound effect from Golden Eye and just keep using it. The building keeps dropping into the water now. This is the other thing. So the water level is getting higher.

And we are, wouldn't you know it, DJ, you are faced with a second durer. in a second drowning situation. Yeah. She drowns like Sonic the Hedgehog does in the second Sonic game in the water level. It's also very much, I mentioned it on the episode we did on the remake of Poseidon. It's the death Kurt Russell has.

It's the same, blah, blah, blah. Like you just, it's, I find it's so fucking unsettling. And it's just so far Poseidon and this movie that I've seen it in. But Rock is, you know, it's like, oh my God, He just, you know, finds the wherewithal to break through the glass. He finds something to break it. He starts, no, he's pulling furniture because, like, they're separated between a pane of glass.

Yeah. Which is, you know, great. It's like, perfect view to watch her die. And he keeps swimming down and be like, oh, there's a fucking office chair stuck here or whatever. And it's only after she does the, blah, blah, that he's like, all right, motivation time. And he swims back over again. He's like, all right, fucking office chair. You're coming with me.

pulls all this stuff and finally gets her ass out of there. And then we're just doing like he meets sort of Ben and Ollie right here. It's like you try anything with my daughter? No, okay. Do it's CPR. Carla Gugino, knowing what's going on here. This is, it's like, it's clearly

like that we got to give her something to do, but I'm glad they did. She just drives this fucking speedboat through this building to save everybody. Pretty badass. Anybody call for a boober? Yeah. Yeah. Thank God there wasn't some sort of quip. She's just like, this is a dangerous situation. Also, her daughter is dead, so she's pretty upset

as well. They give Blake the Alex Todario character so many lines like, Daddy, I don't think I can do this. And then also the real heartbreaker, please tell mom that I love her too before the drowning. Now we're on the boat. We're doing

CPR. I feel like I'd be a little worried about getting chest compressions from the rock. Like, I just feel like he's going right through. You know what I mean? Like, it's Yep, totally. Just crushing my rib cage. It's like the thing. Now the water's out of my lungs, but my lungs are also destroyed,

and my organs have been liquefied from these gigantic hands. Exactly. My lungs are all squished together like wet washcloths now. Exactly. But then they do, there is a, this is, I mean, there's a give up. Like, DJ stops chest compressions. Carla Gugino, again, this is why you get a good actor like her in this movie. She's fucking devastated and it's believable.

She's crying her eyes out and everything. And then just like the rocks like, you know what? Fuck this. I think I can erase this divorce debt right now. I'm going to go back to it. He gets back to work. A couple of chest compressions later, she spits up the warder and wakes right up there. And I'm just sitting there.

I'm like, those fucking papers are getting shredded. If your house is still standing, those papers are getting shredded, Ray. Don't worry about it. Oh, it's all gone, I think. and like do we go directly from here to like well it's a new world yes there San Francisco will must but has to rebuild Giamani is like watching the news because it is you got to check back on this dude one more time you should be in his boxers just yeah totally

having a fucking bowl of ice cream or something to sit there listen it's been a long day movie okay I didn't get that lady's number everything went poorly uh you definitely have the ubiquitous like shots of chain link fences with missing people photographs all over the place. We're doing that as

the TV is saying like San Francisco pulling themselves out of this blah blah blah. We do say due to the efforts of doctor whatever the fuck of Professor Giiamatti, many people were saved. Don't worry that wasn't in this movie. We want to let you know it did happen but it's not in this movie. Oh hey, Professor Paul

Giumati there's a phone call for you. Hello, President Brother. But then yeah, just have like everyone's back on this boat or whatever. The rock, the rock when he meets these two, where he's like talking to the two boys here at the end, you just hear him

go, Ollie, Ben? And let's, there's no like, thanks for saving her. He just like, says their name. No, he does say, he said, thanks for saving my daughter's, like, actually, sir, she saved us and then like Like a rescue dog. Yes, but there is

not that, it's like, you're totally right. It's like a minute later, but there's just this heart of him being like, Ollie, Ben, and then like other things happen. Other people say things we cut around a little bit and then he's, and I'm like, why did you have that in there? We know

the names of these characters, dude. And it's, if it was like, Ali, Ben, are you guys okay? Yeah. That's one thing. Ollie, Ben, paperclip, remote control. Where are you? What happened to my site? He's just blind.

But yeah, it's just a real So what now? Which is what that's nice Like they leave it on that And I was like, I'll tell you what's not right now That fucking divorce dude That is off the table No, Gugina goes, so what now?

Looking off to the horizon, The American flag unfurls Yes. Oh God. The first of the American flag It's a little tattered Because it's, we've been through a lot Ladies and gentlemen, you understand.

But it's still flying. God damn it. The rock looks off and says, We rebuild. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. All right. Maybe.

And it is one of those things, too, right? The priority for the people in that moment, as the fucking smoldering remains of the Golden Gate are still everywhere, better hang that flag up. Before we do anything, before we save anybody else, does anybody have a flag we can unfurl? Got to do it. This isn't going to be an American recovery effort

if we don't unfurl a fucking flag off a bridge. God damn it. And that's the end of the movie. That's San Andreas for you. No San Andreas story. despite the fact that it did make $155 million domestically and 474.6 around the world. So people did come out to see the carnage, that's for sure. But we'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts and recommendations.

Chris Cabin. It's going to be a no for me. I need a little bit more meanness in my disaster movie. I need a little bit more blood. I need a little bit more horror. I need to see actual people dying more regularly than just fucking Riddick getting smushed. I just kind of was the whole time, it's like something bad has

like this is all bad. Something has to feel bad here and like they just evaded as often as possible and it drove me nuts. Eric Siska. Yeah, it's a no for me. Similar reasons to Chris. I feel like they get the buildings falling down pretty right. I would like to see the consequences of that a little more clear. I want to see

blood, guts, bone. We spend so much of the goddamn movie with these British jobs. interview kids. So that was grading to me. I don't know. Maybe one I could have handled, but two. So it's a no for me. Yeah. There you go.

Steve Seda. Yeah. It's a, it's a light recommend. There was the early going, the first hour is actually pretty fun. Like it is kind of what you want. You're whipping back and forth. Like some of these Giamati lines have just like, oh my God. They're just really fun to watch. And I do

think that like there there could be a movie here i do think it's really baffling the uh concept of the the lack of heroism in this movie but it's not exactly it's such a it's a it's a razor thin i'm gonna go light recommend that's where i'm at oh it's a recommend for me big dogs don't worry about there he goes i'll tell you what because this is just on the right side of stupid for me like because it's stupid don't get me wrong oh yeah it's fucking stupid but it was stupid that i wasn't like i wish i was turning this off. But that is going to do it for this episode on San Andreas. As always, if you want more, We Hate Movies, of course, check out

the Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies where, yes, you can get new episodes of We Hate Movies every Tuesday, just like this one. Completely Ad-Free, though, that's the difference all shows over on our Patreon are completely ad-free. We also kicked off this month with a really

awesome We Love Movies episode that was all on, which one was... Minority Report. I couldn't remember if we were in June or July, We're still in June. This one's coming out. Yes, senior Spielbergh's Minority Report from 2002 was the We Love Movies this month. We also released our second quarter of the year commentary on Jackass Number 2, which is out, which is a lot of fun.

Chris Cabin, we got a really awesome once in a lifetime we chatted about. We do. The Wrong Dirter starring Cindy Sweeney. And boy, does she play crazy in this one. Oh, Lord, oh Lord. But it's a lot of fun. It's a great episode. Steve, we had a Melro 210 that we were getting a little collegee on.

Yeah, we're taking in some Greek life with the nanotuanokids. We are slowly unfurling what college could be on that show, but having a lot of fun. And then on Melrose Place, we're dealing with cult stuff. We're firing guns. We've got a gay maniac cop going on. It's pretty fun on Melrose Place. There's a lot of really rocking shit. And last week also, a little bit of an animation week.

because, of course, we did have on the main show here, our friends Bob and Henry from Talking Simpsons, talking about minions, but then a few days later, Steve, we were talking about a He-Man cartoon. We were, it was too many skeletons or skeletons everywhere. It's an episode of the original cartoon where there was multiple skeletons,

so we had to talk about it. Here, their, skeletons everywhere. That is correct, yes. And then also last week, Eric, we had a nice tribute on the Gleeve glossary. Yes, now the actor, whose name escapes me, who played Moth, Jerr, Gerard in Return of the Jedi, the guy who's operating Death Star 2, who's got that line.

The Emperor's coming here. He passed away, so we're honoring him on the Gleap Glastro. We're talking about all the no longer canon backstory of his character. Should be a lot of fun. Michael Pennington just passed. Michael Pennington. And if you are listening to this on the day it comes out, which is June the 30th, yesterday, because the month is coming to an end a little earlier, we did release yesterday our June edition of our Star Trek Recap Show, The Nexus, which does remind me, folks,

join us out in Vegas in just about a month or so from now, a little over a month from now. We're going to be out there at STLV, the 6th through the 8th, STLV, the largest Star Trek convention in the world. We're going to be out there. They're celebrating 60 years of Star Trek. We're celebrating 10 years of our Star Trek recap show, The Nexus, and we're going to be out there three nights talking about three different movies that we totally love each night. Night one is Rathakan, night two is Generations and Night 3 is first contact. You do not need credentials for the convention to get in to see the shows. They are separately ticketed.

If you are attending to the convention, one, let us know. We'd like to say hi, but also you can come also. But yes, you don't need to attend the convention. You can come out there, just to hit the tables, have a nice big old steak dinner, and then come see the shows. Now, Steve, we are working our way towards the back half now. Of the 2006 summer blockbuster

Stravaganza And speaking of our Vegas trip We got something cool for next week We do We are getting our keys out We're unlocking our Star Trek episode on J.J. Abrams Star Trek from 2009

I believe that's when that movie was from Yes and it is three hours long This episode we are unlocking So that should be It's a great episode I think everyone will enjoy it Yes now this was initially An episode of the Nexus

am I remembering that right? Yes, we came out in 2020. See, it illustrates how much you're missing by not being on that Patreon. Remember to sign up today, patreon.com slash we hate movies. That's right. So until next week, when we're revisiting all those beautiful, beautiful lens flares, I've been Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska.

Chris Cabin. Take it easy.