We Hate Movies - S16 Ep872: Star Trek (2009, WHM Vault Unlock)

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

This episode was originally released as an episode of our Star Trek re-cap show, The Nexus on December 29, 2020 “I love how he says ‘Black Hole’ in this movie” - Eric on Elder SpockOn this special WHM Vault Unlock, we’re adding some Star Trek to the 2026 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza with a lengthy discussion about the better-than-we-remembered 2009 reboot, Star Trek.Were the lens flares really that bad? Are we still cool with the Beasties on the soundtrack? How rad was that Sulu swordplay? And Bones is just throwing around "hobgoblin" in this movie? PLUS: Remember, this was recorded in August 2020, so the months of lockdown madness are in full-effect. It's probably why this episode was three hours long! Star Trek stars Leonard Nimoy, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric Bana, Bruce Greenwood, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Anton Yelchin, Ben Cross, Winona Ryder, Chris Hemsworth, Jennifer Morrison, and Clifton Collins Jr.; directed by J. J. Abrams.This episode is sponsored by Storyblocks! Head to Storyblocks dot com slash WHM to access the human-made stock media library that's essential to your workflow. For a limited time, they're offering 15% off any annual plan, and that discount is only available through our link. Storyblocks dot com slash WHM for 15% off annual plans! Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Welcome to this very rare but super special WHM Vault Unlock. My name is Andrew Juppin and I'm alongside three other keepers of the keys. We have Stephen Sadek. That's right. Only she left me with my bones. My dang bones. Christopher Cavan. It's sabotage.

Da-da-da. Derek Siska. I just can't believe it's already Julie. It's the month of Julie already. Dooley. Yes. We are in the now second half of the summer. Blockbuster Extravaganza. And yes, because we are, we're very early, very over-prepared packers.

We are taking this week to pack our bags because we are getting ready in a few short weeks to get on a plane and go to Las Vegas. That's right. Part of why we're re-releasing this is also just to plug even further. Our appearance at STLV, which is happening this August. We are going to be there at the world's biggest and best Star Trek convention, August 6th through the 8th, doing a three-night stand of three of our favorite Star Trek episodes, guys. Is that right? Absolutely. On August the 6th, we'll be talking about Star Trek, the wrath of Khan.

That's the big one with Ricardo Mandelban. Oh, yes. Hello. On August 7th, we are doing generations, I believe. Oh, that's right. That's the one where they wanted to take Captain Kirk and shoot him dead in the back originally. Malcolm McDowell is all over that thing. And then Saturday, the August 8th, we're going to be doing Star Trek first contact.

That's where Picard meets the Borgies. That's right. That's where he's got to draw the line here. No father. Yeah, exactly. Because he considers fucking the Borde queen. But then he draws the line. No, I'm not going to.

I shan't. I can't. Is that not what happens with Tom Hardy? Is Tom Hardy not his, like, weirdly his son and the Borg son? Oh, no, he's a Romulan. He's a clone. Oh, a clone. That's right.

Okay. And I think he didn't fuck that Borg queen there, Steve, because he took one look at that metal condom and said, I'll pass. Yeah. You know what, Mr. Dator? She's all yours. With the Borg, you want to go mouth stuff only, honestly? Because down there, it's a bit of a mess.

And I know you're going to be confused because down there below that, they have a lot of stuff that do look like vacuum cleaner parts, but I'm here to tell you, stay away. Tell you, you get her going, and it's just battery acid pouring out of there. Oh, God. Yeah, see, we're kind of, we're doing, we work blue. We're like night, nightclub, late night comics. So come on out to the shows. It should be a lot of fun.

Totally. They're happening at the Rio Resort. We are going to be playing in the DeForest Kelly Theater, which is pretty cool. The Rio is where the convention is happening. The rad thing is you do not need convention passes to get into our shows. They're separately ticketed. If you do have a convention pass, you can still, of course, come and get a ticket to the show. But you don't have to be attending the con.

You can be just coming in. You know, eat some red meat. On the strip, have a cool, nice dinner, do some gambling. Yeah. Really just scum it up. That's the goal. And then come see the Kings of Scum, the four of us doing three nights at the Rio. That's right.

After your weekend being sinful and weird, our show will make you look normal. Exactly. That's right. If you want to wash your way that guilt, come see those three shows. We'll make you feel better about your choices. But yes, we are here today. This is from 2000, when did we do this? 20, 2020?

2020? The episode, yeah. Yeah. This episode came out in 2020. You'll hear us reference things like the 2020 election. And, you know, so it's a bit of a time capsule, but it's a very interesting conversation and a long conversation on Star Trek 2009. Yeah, a total big in. So we'll let you go.

We'll let you get to the episode. But before we leave, because we won't be back at the end, this is just us up top here. Steve Sadek, for the folks at home that are going to be wondering, after this week's unlock, what are we going to be talking about next week when we come back? We will be talking about battleship. Ooh. The exciting Liam Neeson adventure. I've never seen this movie even a little bit. Partially Liam Neeson, mostly Rihanna.

Oh, okay. It's a Taylor Kitch vehicle overall. The deal here. And yes, if you are thinking, yes, it was quote unquote based off of the board game battleship. But don't worry everybody to hold your attention. Tons of aliens and shit. We're fighting aliens in that movie. It is.

it is a real it's a real dumb dumb we're going to get to it next week it's going to be a lot of fun but until then please enjoy this unlock of Star Trek 2009 directed by Mr. J.J. Abrams Step into the Nexus with us loyal Patreon subscribers and welcome to the final Nexus episode

of 2020 what a garbage year and we're going out with a great movie discussion here we are talking Star Trek 2009 directed by J.J. Abrams I am Andrew Jupiter but alongside three dudes with crude Attitudes, we got Stephen Sannack on the line.

Hi, hi. Chris Cabin. Oh, hi. And Eric Siska. Hello. So, guys, we're talking about a movie. This was selected by the patrons themselves. That's right.

It is. And there's going to be some vocal dissenters, I am sure, there already have been, which is fine. That's how democracy works. Speaking of it. Can I ask, what is, is the main argument that this is just, it's sacrilegious because it's not boring? Yeah. I think that's it. Okay.

It doesn't look dull as dishwater. And the lens flare, I think it's kind of cool. Yeah, I like it's fine with those. It makes it look like an Abrams movie, you know what I mean? Which makes it a movie that is something. I mean, not to the other movies or nothing. I just mean like in terms of it's got a director's flare to it, which is a lens flare. Exactly.

But it's, I think at least the first Star Trek movie to have a director at the helm that has like a real style, a noticeable style. to the way that they put a movie together. You know what I mean? You watch this movie. You watch Mission Impossible 3. You watch 8mm 8mm. What the fuck was that movie? Super 8.

Super 8. Ah, yes. Yeah, you watch Super 8. It all kind of just looks the same. Hey, kids, it's Nicholas Cage. Do you know where pornography is? Oh my God, kids. What are you got murdered off

and a snuff film, didn't you? Which one of you got killed? Oh, my God. A giant piece of pornography's come to life. It's just a lens flare when the machine is like hunting them down in the graveyard. Before we get a little too out there, I just want to say hang a hat on something we're recording this at the end of August of 2020. Sure. Just, you know, so whatever happened in this last election and we have no idea.

All sorts of great stuff is not going to be at all referenced here. We're blissfully unaware at this point. Obviously, what we hope happens is there's a Calvin timeline of 2020 and we can do it over. That'd be rad. I'd go back in time to fucking save the world from the coronavirus. Yeah. It came out in a little red dot and it just fucking destroyed everything, man. Oh, my God, inject the coronavirus and get the red matter.

God damn it. I chase the coronavirus into the black hole. I love how it says black hole in this movie. I guess because it's echoey when he does the mind meld up with Kirk. Oh, sure. Black hole. It's like a double. It's just like four things at once.

It's like it's red matter that'll cause a singularity. That is a black hole. I'm like, just pick one. Yeah, singularity was too much. I mean, we love to say singularity back now in 2009. But I mean, like, it's fine. Just call it a black hole. We know what it is.

You got any more on that black hole juice in the back? Ew. I should say for this, I, we're recording this on what is the last day of my staycation. So yesterday I watched all three of these Kelvin timeline

movies back to back to back. So I'm like in it with these movies right now but I want to say I popped on I have them all on Blu-ray. This first movie with these trailers remember trailers on the Blu-Rays. Oh yeah man. Dude it fucking

it was a real time warp. Transformers to G.I. Joe I think the first one. It is the first one. This is a great illustration to how good this movie is. Look at those fucking options you had. Absolutely. And then a pretty cool thing to add for the second season of Fringe.

And then, dude, some Star Trek game that looks like ass. Like looks like ass for 2009 video games. Well, I think the Blu-ray comes with a disc that you could actually play if you have an Xbox. It's in the, go through all the discs that are. in that little case you got. Dude, I deaf saw it and was like, don't have that. It was called like Star Trek D-A-C

or something. It kind of looks like Gallagher or something. Like you're down on a plane and it's just like shooting at random spaceships everywhere. It looked really bad. Yeah, I mean, it was a piece of shit. It looked like every other piece of shit Star Trek game. There's never been a good one. I've played a ton of

them. And this one, it's just that like now you're just moving your ship around the galaxy. Like, fucking, I don't care. Anyway, Steve, what were you saying? Oh, no, no. Similarly, I was sort of, um, not dreading watching this again. I had watched, um, I watched this back in February when we finally moved, uh, because we liked to watch a Star Trek movie when we moved. The first time we moved, we watched a motion picture for the first time. And then, for me anyway, and then this time around, we were like, oh, we'll watch the, the Star Trek movie. And then when I was one of those

people kind of hoping not to watch this again just because I had just seen it, but I got to say I watched it yesterday and I was like I wasn't dreading it I was just sort of like I'm not really in the mood I just saw it and I got totally absorbed and I had such a great time of it yesterday kind of accidentally it shows what a mensch you are Steve because we could have just as easily left this movie

off of the fucking poll and you were like let's put 2009 on there it's good for you and people wanted it I want to stress that I know there's a vocal minority on Facebook and Twitter who might not have wanted it but people voted on this well so who gives

a shit. Yeah, exactly. It's okay to like a movie. It's okay to diss like a movie. It's okay to dislike a movie if you don't like this one. Okay. Have fun. Also, like, this is just, it's the Nexus. We're just talking about Star Trek. The fuck does it matter? I do, I kind of found this interesting to watch this movie again after having lived

the Nexus below these last few years because I didn't have much connection with original series when I saw this movie in 2009. I was like, oh, cool, a fun, exciting Star Trek movie. That's fun. And I think at that point, I hadn't seen any of the original films, and I hadn't seen maybe like a handful of episodes here and there.

And now, having all that background, I actually like this movie more, I think. Yeah, this movie plays to, you know, there's a lot of like elbow nudging kind of things here and there, which is, I think, totally fine in this case. They all played for me. It was a lot of me going, neat, you know, because I had not seen this movie in a really long time. and I mean, I remembered basically what it was about, but something about this time around, I was like, nah, this is a pretty well-constructed

piece of Star Trek material. It is. I mean, I think that, like, what they do here is one of those, it's one of the better reboots that I've ever seen. You know what I mean? Like, of just taking a ton of material, condensing it into a palatable, modern film that everyone could jump on for.

and you're not saying fuck you to the fans, although you'll always say fuck you to the fans because fans love what they love, but at least, you know what I mean? You're trying to give them an inroads.

Yeah, it was a very smart angle they did with doing the whole Calvin timeline and so like, no, no, both things happened, everyone relax. Yeah,

it's genuinely a Star Trek movie for people who aren't into Star Trek. Exactly, yeah. And it's a good gateway in that way. Yeah, and it works for the people who know the little things, as we say, you know,

you pick up on the little stuff, but like, what's great about this to me was like, I felt like a lot of the old ones were very dependent on having knowledge of not just the movies before but the series itself. And like that, I didn't feel any of that in this at all.

And so speaking of Kelvin, we start with the USS Kelvin. It's a ship out in the middle of space looking at what they're calling a lightning storm in space. Cool ship design, I will say. For the Kelvin? Yeah. Yeah, totally. and that's something they do well with in this universe

because, you know, we are, it's Kirk and the gang, so we're before Deep Space 9 and Voyager and everything and, you know, the Enterprise E from First Contact and so on. So you have that weird thing where it's like, well, it's got to be kind of older-ish technology, but like obviously it's a movie in 2009 so we got to make it look like a little more polished and everything. So like all the ship tech and like the communications, like the, you know,

no one's going to stand for knobs in this timeline. You know what I mean? Like all the knobs and the pressure gauges and the switches and the discs that we're putting into the computer. But at all, all the new stuff does look very active and sit like there's a lot of stuff to look at on the command console and everybody doing stuff in the background behind Kirk and Spock and Sulu.

I mean, everything gets a nice polish with it. Like even the gleep glops, you got some that are very, interesting and striking that you wouldn't really recognize from TOS unless it was like the animated series perhaps. One thing I, the effects, one great thing about it is that you really do get the majesty of the ships.

Yes. You can play with the angles better than you could back in the day. So like you actually can see it at a bunch of different sizes and against different backgrounds. So it really that's one thing that really took me into this movie. And reading about it a little bit, Abrams was very much into sets

which you can see which I love. but they didn't do model ships obviously. These were all CGI ships. And they look good, you know, 10, 11 years out. I like how these look. I like the shipyard, you know, like actually seeing how something like this would get made on Earth.

Yeah, that stuff is really awesome. Quick question about, so like the Kelvin, it's very dark on the Kelvin, and then when we get to the Enterprise, it's very light. Is that like a, when you get your iPhone, you could set it to night or day kind of a thing? Is it the captain's prerogative? Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I think it was like the most, mood that that captain was trying to strike, you know? She was like, I'm a laid-back captain, but I'm a kind of serious guy, so like, let's light this like it's, I don't know, like a jazz club. Bruce Greenwood's just like, I can't even find my fucking carties? Can somebody put a light out of here? No, no, no, no. It's important.

We have heavy shadows, yeah. Ooh, sexy enterprise. I'm here to see Nikki the nose. Oh. That's funny, though, that you're just making a Picard reference there because just Steve, what you were saying about using sets, that's a huge difference, dude. If you guys recall the season one finale of Picard

when Riker comes to the rescue with the fleet and everything. And dude, it's just Jonathan Frakes and like one other extra and it's like all fucking green screen. That looked so terrible. And I understand obviously like budgets between motion pictures and television. Yes. But like, good Lord, like you just notice a stark difference and shit like that. I mean, Frank said that from his, like, basement, I think.

Oh, definitely. To put a green screen in the back. Sylvia, I need the basement for the day, okay? Filming the series finale of Picard. That dude was fucking quarantining before it was cool. He just taps like a lawn guy. I'm actually downstairs filming the season finale of Star Trek Picard. Could you just give me 20 minutes?

I'm down in my basement. I'm on the bridge of a starship. Can you turn this lawnmower off? Of course, FedEx. You know what? It's Picard. The season finale. Nally. Sir Patrick,

we have to cut the fucking doorbell again. Sorry. I'm trying to save the universe here, sir. Yes, I'll sign. Yes, I'll sign. I do love, I mean, I don't know, something about this, I really just, I enjoy the Kelvin. I love that

the way that it looks. I do like, to Eric's point, I like that we're just sort of, and it's almost non-Star Trek E that we're integrating more Gleep Glop's in this movie that just aren't really, um, there's there's one every like anytime there's a group shot you will see an interesting looking alien which is smart than just another four like the three or four forehead races we allow well next gen well the what's great too is like the uh the nurse that tends to mama kirk she's got like weird eyes or like slightly bigger oh god her like creepy bug eyes that character has a lot of animal contacts going on in different eyes like what's cool is like they could have just done nothing but new invigorated redesigned gleep glops

but you still get like the green ladies and stuff so that's it's fun it's nods to the you know the TOS but you need but like to Steve what you said though I do appreciate that this movie favors more the Star Wars

effort of really gleap glopping it up versus like well see the ridge on that guy's forehead is different than the ridge on her nose which means that they're two completely different alien races in the Star Trek world You know what I mean?

Like, that was always so lazy. Like, oh, Picard, here's this ambassador from wherever the hell is going to come in. Let's take a look at this alien. Oh, it's just an old white guy with a couple of forehead ridges. I mean, you know, speaking of which, Romulans and Vulcans, very similar. Yeah. At least there's a story there. True.

My favorite thing about the ship design, this is in the Calvin. They have the, like, bodega winter curtains everywhere. everywhere. Like I was like, why have we not surpassed this in the time? What do you mean by bodega winter curtains? Those big rubber like curtains that they keep the heat in? Yes. Like, or go to a restaurant sometimes if they have like an outdoor foyer, they've got, they've got that all curtained out.

Well, it's interesting. You know, some of the stuff really reads like meat and potatoes, like that kind of shit. And also specifically, whenever we are in. on this enterprise. It looks like the foundry from Terminator 2. Yes, it does. It's just a big metal warehouse. And you think about like engineering on TNG and like, you know,

Jordy would be going around the warp core and it's like this very quiet, you know, sort of concealed part of the ship. Not concealed, but like, you know what I mean? It's not as open. Yes. Yeah. And this is just like they're in a fucking Sam's Club or something. Now, folks, if there's one thing us honchos in the content,

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I do, uh, Sam's Club. Like a Costco for me. Yeah, I don't get you. I will say, I want to say it's Kelvin, not Calvin, just to stop everybody from yelling at us. Yeah, K-E-L. via. I'm going to be calling it Calvin so everybody deal with that. Why do you keep calling me Calvin? I was calling it

Hobbs. I've been calling her Crandall. So yes, we do see the whatever the hell Nero's ship is. I love this big space slug looking motherfucking ship. It looks so cool to me. It's because it's a mining vessel. It's not even a military ship yet it's decked out.

It's got all the missiles and ships. It's interesting. It's intense. Well, I think the thing you're supposed to believe is that Nero's probably like outfitted it for his own purposes. But even so like this is a serious goddamn mining vessel. It's a living nightmare. It looks like a fucking sling. It looks like Chitulu in space, which again, it's a villain. It works. But again, if I'm designing this mining vessel, I'm like, I don't know, do we need that many spikes? Yeah, it needs to look like a squid from hell. A couple more tendrils. Oh, and I believe in the Second Amendment. So put guns on there.

Well, that's the thing is I need to have a more, like, an evil or name. It's called the Nerada. Yeah. I'm like, I like, like the, like the slice sting or like some kind of like. The slice sting? Yeah, something nefarious. If it was called the slice sting, you'd be like, that's a great name for the shit. And you would say that on the podcast.

I would say that. I would think it's the best. J.J. Abrams just called it the slice sting. You'd just be on this show right now. I would, that's great decision. Fantastic. Actually, I think that was the. original title was Star Trek colon slice sting.

This movie was originally written by Roberto Urki and Alex Kurtzman and Chris Cabin, but in the pitch meeting, he was like, so the ship, right? It's called the slice sting. Like, you're fucking fired. I'm sorry. Just leave, just get the fuck out of here. I don't know why you're bringing up the most painful day of my life today, Stephen, but thank you. Thank you for doing that. No problem. So they're getting attacked and whatnot. This is, of course, the cold open of the movie. this Nero immediately on screen Eric Banna fucking rules in this movie

No he's in Shadow it's Clifton Collins Jr. first. Oh, you're totally right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in the background. Clifton Collins Jr., the majority of this movie, I was going, is that Clifton Collins Jr.? And then at the end, when he's thrown off that platform, I was like, that was definitely Clifton Collins Jr. Yeah, so they're like, oh, yeah, Nero, blah, blah, blah, you know, surrender now, all this good shit.

I like this captain that they got. His captain rules, yeah. Was he a bad guy in Iron Man as well? Because I know he was a villain or something in 24 at some point. So I thought it was interesting casting him as a, you know, Starfleet captain sort of the way you'd had Chekhov enter the second season to say like, come on, people, they're people. Yeah, exactly.

That's actually interesting. I'm going to look that up. I mean, keep talking. All right. So really, Chris, The sting slice? Yes. It's a slice sting, to be quite honest.

But I do like this weird thing, and it's a nice... A lot of the stuff that I like in this movie is the screenplay is really sharp, in my opinion. Although it gets a little messy at some points. But I love this sort of the way that this Romulan ship operates is like, hey, you're totally outgunned. Please send your captain over to negotiate. And it's like, that's not going to work out. And then there's this thing where the captain says, walk with me with Chris Hemsworth, by the way, of this movie. Oh yeah.

Speaking of Iron Man. He's not Iron Man. Really? Steve. He's Iron Man. You're totally right though, Eric. The actor's name is Faran to hear, and he was, like, one of the militant dudes that captures Tony Stark at the beginning of that movie. Yeah. Awesome. It's nice to have a, you know, a person of Middle Eastern descent in a position of power. Yeah, like you're saying.

Yeah. As a good guy. Captain Robow, by the way. So he walks with young Kirk here and is like, hey man, you're the captain now. It's like great. The reveal for this is awesome because you don't, like at the time, 2009, nobody fucking knew who Chris Hemsworth was. As a matter of fact, I believe Jennifer Morrison, who plays Mrs. Kirk, was, you know, still coming off of house and was a much bigger star. Oh yeah, she was the get.

I remember in the theater for this, like, just for like a second when he says, like, you're the captain now, Kirk or whatever. Yes. And I was just like, because Chris Pine was unknown too, and Chris Hemsworth pretty much. And I was like, wait, is that Chris Pine? Wait, what? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which Chris is this? It's such a great reveal though, because like, you know,

the whole way to the shuttle bay or wherever, the captain's like, you know, come with me and whatnot. And then it's like, you know, whatever he says, yeah, you're the captain now where Kirk, the bridge is used. But Kirk is the last word out of his mouth. And it's like such a cool reveal. And against

Steve talking about just like the great way the screenplay sort of drops stuff like that. I really appreciate that that's how it's presented. What I noticed this time with this captain walking to the shuttle to go over to Nero ship is there's chaos going all around, right? They're trying to evacuate the ship. But people stop and like salute whenever this captain walks by. It was a nice little show of respect. So yeah, and the very pregnant Jennifer Morrison is in labor. she's going to go to a shuttle

and, you know, Chris Humswood's like, yeah, be right there, babe. George Kirk, by the way. Be right there, babe. The captain gets killed immediately and then the autopilot goes out of all fucking things. What a day.

I just know the fucking autopilot. There needs to be like a backup autopilot all the time. How many autopilots can a ship handle? That's how many I want. I would love if the rest of his last minutes on this earth, aren't talking to his wife and like his newly bored son,

but just pissed off because Lance could have fixed this before he got on his ship to leave. Well, that's right, dude. James Tiberius Kirk grows up without a father because Lance couldn't get the autopilot fixed. I couldn't put the secondary autopilot on, huh? Couldn't do it, you Lance,

you motherfucker! I also I like how the captain dies. I like that Nero just starts like executing people with tridents for some reason. Dude, this trident. is a sight to be seen. I don't think, I'm pretty sure to say,

this was a first for Star Trek, someone being killed by a trident that was thrown from across the room. I love it. And then the computer blinks on the Calvin. Kelvin? Kelvin. Whatever.

It blink, like the computer instantly lights up. It's like, the captain's been terminated. Yes, because that's an interesting thing that I believe we didn't see anywhere until this movie. I mean, they could always read life signs, obviously, but there was never like a thing like this. And this is actually

very action movie oriented too, like, here's the thing that it's all the dead man switches. Yes. You know, here's all the heart monitors. It's your classic, get him out of there! Yes, yeah, exactly. I believe the Rock has this, if I'm remembering right? The Rock has Independence Day does

this, aliens does this for sure. Totally, totally. Star Trek usually is just like, oh, the captain seems to be missing or dead. And this is like the bells and whistles are going off. So it's exciting. Yeah, totally. And he does, like, Clifton Collins, Jr. is asking about what the star date is.

Where is Admiral Spock? Ambassador. Ambassador. They realize that it's, oops. They're about 40 years too early. And that's when makes Nero go a little mad. Yeah. Yeah.

Because they're like, oh, I think Clifton Collins Jr. is like, what's the star date? And they're like 22, 33. And fucking Eric Banner just loses it. and so Kirk George gives Order 13, which is evacuate the ship, so they're all trying to get the fuck out of there because this huge mining ship will clearly terminate them sooner than later.

It's kind of weird that there's no... And the movie's better for it. It's not a complaint, but I'm surprised that there was no flashbacks with Chris Hemsworth and Jennifer Morrison and throughout the rest of the movie. I think it might have weakened it. Yeah.

Because you really want to like, you know, James T. Kirk as a child is kind of alienated from his stepfather we see. Also, that's too much handsome. I got Chris Pine here. I got, you know, Thackeray Quinto. I got Carl Urban, my sweet Jesus. Yes. Too much hunk.

I got enough. I don't need any more. John Cho is hunking it up on this movie too. Even the great Anton Yelkin hunky. It is and there's a fun little joke where like, well, it's the name after your father. Tiberia, I do kind of like Hemsworth. It's a great performance from Hemsworth too, by the way.

I do love this sort of like bro-y-do. Oh, Tiberius, no, that's the worst. Oh, it's the worst. No, babe, no. Don't name him after my dad, no. Isn't that the name of the fifth Hemsworth brother, too? I think so. he's 10 feet tall

you know that we figured out what we're going to name our baby I'm going to do a little trick I learned from reading about Imperial Japan yeah I mean this is the old when there's nothing left let's just ram him and it's kind of funny because I mean again this mining ship is so big you are like the buzzing of flies to me like it like he rams this full size starship into this thing.

And like Nero, I think, is just kind of like, eh, all right. Yeah, I think that's what it becomes, but there were, I know, I don't remember because there were deleted scenes and I don't know what order it goes in, but eventually this ship is, I think, somewhat derelict and they get picked up by

the Klingons and go to the prison planet for years. Yes, that's, oh, Nero does? Yeah, they go to Runa Pente or whatever, the one from Part 6, I think. Oh, there's a deleted scene in there. Yeah. The only reason that I know that is because I was looking up some trivia today and Victor Garber played one of those

fucking Klingons. I'm like, God damn it. I thought that voice. Victor Garber is a Klingon though? What kind of helmet on the whole time I think? Oh, God. The helmets. It's a bit much. We don't really see the Klingons in this franchise

this rebooted one until the next movie into darkness and it's still a little like, uh. Yeah, it's a very underwhelming appearance by the Klingons. So, yeah, the whole thing with what George Kirk is staying behind for because he could just as easily get on that shuttle.

The whole thing is, we need to keep firing at the ship because they're going to shoot all the shuttles, all the escape shuttles and shit. So he's like, I'm going to stay behind to give all the shuttles the best fighting chance. And I just think that there's a, this whole sequence ends on a really nice shot of like,

it takes way longer, it holds on this shot way longer than like a bigger action movie. would, or like a lesser action movie would, where you see all of the shuttles slowly getting away, and, like, Mero's ship is, like, you know, pausing for a second because it just got fucking rammed by George Kirk and the Kelvin. And there's, like, bits of shit floating in space and stuff, and it's all, like, totally silent. And the shot lasts for, like, 10 seconds. And you can see, like, you know, Kirk's sacrifice wasn't in vain. Like, he, you know, bought them enough time that all the shuttles can get away.

Honey, you don't understand this huge ship, it only has one gun. So it has, if I train on it, if it will train all of its power on me. Honey, listen, the fucking autopilot is out. Sweetheart, I would love to be there. Don't say that. I do want to be there. Do me a favor. If you see Lance when you land, go up to him and slap him in the face.

Tell him my last words where I hope he gets cancer. What? Because he didn't fix that autopilot. He's fucking furious. I hope he gets what Tiberius died of. Oh, no, Tiberius. By the way, I think you mentioned silence earlier

and it triggered the thing in my mind that I almost forgot to talk about real quickly is a woman, a crew member, gets sucked out into space at the start of this and it goes kind of silent. It's pretty badass. It's really, but it just shows you this ain't your mom.

I mean, and this movie is a lot of you, and you're about to see the most, this ain't your mama start checking about 30 seconds which we can talk about but it it does it's very much that and she gets sucked out and it's awesome and also brutal

Kirk being born in the like the fire and conflict of space is pretty cool and the slow motion shots of that shuttle getting away with the birth yeah yeah it's pretty it's a pretty rad you know origin story for Kirk in that way right

like born in a firefight kind of it it's pretty sweet And the opening theme, like, opens nice and quiet, and the, uh, after that scene is done. I like the theme. I love the theme. I'm a big fan. Giacino, man. Michael Giacchino, this dude fucking rules.

Uh, he has a very, uh, you know, noticeable stamp on his music. It was actually funny. I was watching, you know, these movies yesterday. And Chelsea was working at the other end of the apartment. She was like, I can hear the Michael Giacenoness, like, from down the hallway, you know. It's very real. Eagle, it's very like imperial. It's nice, but it's like warm to it at the same time.

It just, I like it quite a bit. Totally. So we flash forward a little bit to Iowa. And there's a little race car, a four-wheeled race car driving down a dirt road. And here we go. Little James T. Kirk has stolen his stepdad's car. Oh man. And Ethan is on the Nokia fucking headset about to eat his fucking breakfast.

dude, the Nokia product placement. He is so pissed off at this fucking kid on that. Wait, did we get a name of the stepfather? No, I'm just calling him Ethan. Oh, okay. All right. Well, Ethan is played by Greg Grunberg, by the way.

Oh, really? Audio only, yes. Well, because it's an Abrams movie, man, you've got to wedge in your Grunbergs. Well, because, yeah, when you go down for breakfast and Greg's there, he's like, why are you doing there, man? And he's like, I'm just, just making a Star Trek.

Oh, yeah? Cool. You got anything around there for me? Card Trek, why? Well, I mean, he's not even asking, Steve. He's like, oh, hey, JJ. Well, what time we leave him for shit today? Look, say what you will, but I think it's really nice that he cast him as the monster in Super 8.

Look, one of the crazy things about Grunberg in the J.J. averse is him in Star Wars is Snap Wexley. And it's just like, I couldn't believe that's who he plays. plays in those movies because I read a trilogy of books about him as a child. Why did I do that? Oh, man. That's something. Yeah. So, yeah, there's a little like, I can't tell any time I watch this movie if this cop is a robot or a real person.

I was stunned by this cop. First of what we have to say the Beastie Boys music cue, which everybody, I mean, it's fine. Here's the thing. I get what they're doing. I like it. In this movie, in 2009, in the movie. the theater, I remember being like, holy shit. Yes.

That's awesome. Cut to me in the theater for Into Darkness. Sabotage again plays. Okay. I mean, I still love the Beastie Boys. That's fine. Does it really? It plays in Beyond.

I know that much. I play a different Beastie Boys song in Into Darkness. Yeah. Oh, is that? Yes, you're totally right, Cabin. And it's, uh, ooh, I'll have to look it up. But yeah, but then beyond, okay, so that's what it was. into darkness, it's like, all right, it's the Beastie Boys, I get it.

But then it's back to fucking sabotage and that Beyond. And I was like, dude, earlier in this movie, you were playing fucking fight the power in this spaceship. Just play that again. Yeah, that would be cool. But we get the moment in Beyond where Bones says, are they, wait, are they playing classical music? Yes, that's totally right. Which is nice. Is the idea that you're not supposed to reference any, like, culture,

That's right. No, I'm just saying it's weird that you're just focusing on the Beastie Boys three times in three movies. No, I understand. I was asking the people who have a problem with the Beastie Boys Q, is that their issue with it? I think so. I think it's very specific and those, these movies don't get that. This whole series doesn't get that specific. It pretends like culture ended in like 1930.

Like we only talked about Einstein. Yeah, yeah. Because like in Star Trek, like, you know, if Khan is taking over the world in the 90s, I doubt we're composing sabotage at the same time. If Picard is like referencing Ulysses, I'm fine with them using Beastie Boys. But that's what, but that is,

you highlighted exactly what I think some people's, you know, that even from this movie had a big problem with that though, Chris, is like the pop culture addressed in Star Trek was always like Charles Dickens and hire. You know what I mean?

It was always fucking Sherlock Holmes and fucking Shakespeare and whatever else. You know what I mean? But they had Joe Piscopo represent comedy on TNG. Sure. I mean, and then you think about things like the, the weird fucking lounge singer that's in DS9 for way more than he should be. That's the thing.

Like, we go up to like Sinatra shit and then Clature just cuts off because it's supposed to add, like, 1960s and then nothing. Hey, uh, JJ, you putting, uh, putting, uh, uh, beastie by the star Trek movie. Fucking crazy, dude. Oh, JJ, you want to borrow my iPod for what you do in the soundtrack? Greg, are you eating the ravioli that was in the fridge?

That was going to be dinner for tonight. Me and my wife were going to have dinner, Greg. Well, you know what? It tastes a little old, so I think I did you guys a favor. I mean, they're pre-cooked. Why do you even cook them? You could just eat them like this, you know, right out the package. Greg, you're getting it on the kitchen island.

You're not going to clean it, are you? You're not going to clean the... He's eating raw ravioli again. All right, all right. I'll take a look at the iPod. What, shit, fuck. I guess it's Beastie Boys or Blind Melon. That's what Greg Scott.

That's what Greg's got. I'm going to dip some of these raviolis and mayonnaise. You know what? You need more mayonnaise, JJ. Getting a little lowered here. It was, by the way, into darkness, it was body moving. Ah. A remix of body moving.

That's a great song, too. Absolutely. Anyway. Yeah, so, so yes, he's playing sabotage. Yeah, I like it. It's a cool musical cue. This cop is he a robot or in any way it seems like America, which we don't know how the next election is gone, has gone into a fascist police state. Because it's just this like, citizen, remove yourself from the car.

Citizen. I like citizen. I like that. I think it's full robot. I'm going to go on record saying it's full robot. I think so too only because like saying citizen. I mean, that's Robocop. I mean, if we're doing Robocops, you couldn't have one.

hanging around the ship to do the autopilot? Very great point. I need one like patch of human skin at least, like even a forearm. Oh, man. And that's it. That's fine. Hey, citizen, here's my skin patch. A Terminator skeleton.

That'd be nice. Yeah. Oh, that'd be great. Dude, he takes off his helmet and there's just a metal skeleton underneath. For some reason, I thought it was a mask and it was like, because Lindelof was involved. I was like, is this in his watchman universe? So, like, were we doing masked cops now? Well, I thought that thing was going to cut.

Like, I was, like, waiting for it to, like, sort of futuristicly fold back somehow. Okay. And you'd see this dude's face, but that just doesn't happen. It's also, is this kid committing suicide? It's, I don't know what this kid's up to. A joy ride. Don't give a fuck. Live or die.

I'm okay with it. Ride or die, dude. Yeah. This kid, this little James Tiberius Kirk Jr. here, he fucking lives his life a quarter part of. Parsack at a time. He's just trying to fuck over Grunberg or Ethan, as we've come to know him. I mean, like, yeah, Ethan, I mean, this is causing so much trouble for Jennifer Morrison

trying to keep a marriage together in the wake of George's passing. Oh, yeah. With all this fucking wrecking his shit all the time. I'm actually glad we don't see her or any of that. We just move on. Yeah. Because the Winona stuff is good enough for that like mother, son connection. I think. And it's not too long either.

No, that's true. No, it's definitely not. Winona is also a better actor. Yes. I do, like we cut to the Spock stuff. It's really cool. I do love, this is kind of the beginning of the one on a a song a little bit, right? Because she was gone for a long time or like in indie movie or like bad indie movie or less, by the way.

Yeah. So you're saying this was like her return? Kind of sort of, right? It was this. It was this into Black Swan. into Stranger Things. Exactly. Oh, sure.

Yeah, I forgot she's in Black Swan. Same. I'm probably due for a rewatch. Great movie. I love that movie. Yeah. Oh, and you can't forget. Part of the Winona Sons is her and the dilemma.

You never saw it. She's in that terrible Destination Wedding with her and Keanu Reeves. Oh, dude, we watch that movie. Yeah. We watched that movie so wanting something to happen. It's charming enough because they're charming, but that's it.

Yeah, and I mean, the gimmick of the movie is kind of interesting also. Yeah. But it just overall didn't work. But seeing the two of them together, I was like, yeah, I'm fine with it. Does anybody watch the plot against America? She's on a few episodes. I haven't. I started it, but then I literally forgot about it until you just said.

Well, there you go. Anyway, so, yeah, the car goes off the cliff. you know, citizen, what is your name? My name is James Tiberius Kirk. This is a kid from orphan, by the way, Jimmy Bennett. Oh, right. Oh, wow. Yeah, that little shithead.

Holy shit. You know, it is some good casting, though. He does look like a little Chris Pine. Mm-hmm. It works out. But yeah, so then we go to Vulcan. Same period of time, Spock is also a little kid. He's getting bullied in his social distance learning classroom that he's got here.

Yeah. Got it a little pods go. and I do like Vulcan bullying where they're just like I mean this is an emotion guys I hate to break it to you it's illogical to bully someone FYI. You are absolutely right dude and I think maybe you know

isn't there some sort of Vulcan ceremony that's kind of like a mitzvah type thing where it's like you officially you know decide to put away your emotions and everything? That's a good question like is it nature nurture like they're

They're just not there yet. They're not at their, their, you know, logic mitzvah yet. Yeah, they also probably have some shitty racist parents because everyone on Vulcan is like,

hey, Spock, you fucking disgusting monster. Insane. Absolutely insane. It's really something. So, yeah, he's getting bullied by these kids. They're trying to get a rise out of them

and they're like, oh yeah, where your mother's a human. I don't know why they're little boot blacks, but whatever. Sure. Jokes on them, though, because, you know, they're going to die.

Well, that's actually true. The human side of Spock is relishing in the fact that Nero did destroy his planet just because these three kids got murdered. Well, at least they got molary and curly. Even though one of them manages like the Vulcan Wendy's

and isn't like... Vulcan Wendy's. That sounds pretty good. What would the differences be? Would you think? Well, every container would be the same exact container, right? They wouldn't have chili because chili at his

fast food restaurant is illogical. That is absolutely true. They would also probably serve a frosty in a dish with a spoon and not in a cup with a fucking straw because that is also illogical. Yeah.

And also mandatory ranch dressing for all nugs. Oh really? Get that fucking barbecue sauce out of here. I go honey mustard if I got the chance, man. agree with that. That's something. That's something. You guys should really try ranch, though. Wow, you're getting into ranch now.

Dude, I've been ranch with my Wendy's nugs since high school. You're going to dip your pizza in there too? No, no, I'm not a fucking caveman. Good. I'm just checking. So, Spock freaks out. He fucking pushes this one kid into one of these little learning cubbies. It's hilarious. And he starts just pounding the shit out of beating the shit out of this kid. He takes that little kid to pound town.

He really does. I just wish they had like a stray tooth shoot out. Oh, yeah. Or like one of his ears gets fucked up, but it's not pointy anymore. He's got a Vulcan cauliflower ear. And the teacher breaks it up and sees the kid with his missing tooth and says,

it is not logical to let this defect live and shoot some dead in the classroom. Makes a good idea. Throw him on the Vulcan dead baby pile. Yeah, it's like Sparta. Yeah. So Spock sort of gets sent to the Vulcan principal's office where he meets Sarik,

played by the recently deceased Ben Cross, RIP. Yeah, this is the second time in as many weeks we've done an episode where, at least recording it, where someone just literally just died very recently. Oh, yeah, somebody from... Superman 3, the lady, the sister of the two men 3 died like 10 days earlier.

Oh, right. Yeah, that's terrible. So this is a weird conversation because he's like, now, Spock, you, because he's like, Spock says something like, oh yeah, well you married mom and she's a human. And he's like, yeah, well the thing

about that, dude, is you know, I am an ambassador to Starfleet and Starfleet is located on Earth and your mother's from Earth and guess what, buddy, I married your mom for work research. And I needed an anchor baby. Oh my God. I want

to stay on Earth. My son, it is logical to be attracted to Winona Ryder. It is quite logical. Have you ever seen Heather's son? Son, I would have to be a blind cling on not to be attracted to your mother. Ben Cross has a Winona forever tattoo. So it's kind of just, it's actually,

I appreciate the swiftness with which we move through all of this because it's like, yeah, I married your mom for research and then like, you know, he goes to see her and it's like, bam, he's grown into Zachary Quinto from this first Winona scene right here, which is pretty great.

Yeah, it's a really cool. I mean, I do like the stuff we're doing, you know, we're at least sort of like pushing it things where he's like, you know, I don't know if you're going to be proud of me. And she's like, I'll always be proud to be your mother. Like there's a lot of nice themes in that little exchange that, you know, can be extrapolated from that. And there's also, I mean, it's a great way because you're just seeing,

you're seeing what his problems will go on to be. You know what I mean? Like, and his weaknesses. It's not someone telling you after the thing. fact like they're doing the homework up front to give you a couple quick scenes um that also aren't like overtalky or anything like they're just relatable and you fucking get it like can i live up to my parents expectations of me or what my expectations you know or what my interpretation of their expectations are i mean every instructor that comes by spock must write in the notes

you want to get this guy route just you start talking about his mother it's like marty McFly being called yellow. Yeah, it's just a key into it. You can just do it anytime you like. Just talk about his mother. That's it. This college admissions board does that as well. It's such a great way.

This old dude going like, and you've achieved so much despite your disadvantage. Oh, right. What disadvantage is that? Well, your human mother, I hear she steps out on your father. And I think she's so fatter. Her belt is equator. Ben Cross wincees in that moment.

And it's not because he's personally offended. It's because he's like, oh, now he's going to go off. Yep, no, exactly. He knows. Oh, he fucking said the magic word. Your mother is so fat, her ass has a congressman. That is illogical. Yes, young spark.

Your mother is so fat that when she lies around the house, she literally lies around the house. Please come to our science academy. Your mother's so ugly, beetle juice. scared of her. Beetlejuice 20th century Earth form of entertainment.

A form of entertainment. Well, yeah, they got to count the cartoon and theatrical music and the fucking Disneyland or Disney World Universal Studios fucking live show that they had. There's a whole Beetlejuice entertainment franchise out there. Oh, yes.

Beetlejuice, Earth Powerhouse of culture. Oh. So he says fuck you. It's a great, it's the first time we say live long and prosper, but it's meant to be a real fuck you, which is great. It is so great. It's when Southern people say, oh, bless your heart.

I'm telling you to go fuck yourself and your dead grandparents. Like, that's with this. It's so awesome. He's like, I want to thank you for, you know, uh, you know, helping me make this decision or whatever. I'm joining Starfleet and, uh, live long and prosper and shove it up your ass. Well, I do love that he has a safety school. which is Star Trek Academy

because they're like, oh, it was illogical for you to join Starfleet to apply for Starfleet as well. It's like, well, I wanted options kind of a thing. And then just, yeah, that's him going to Vassar, dude. Fuck Harvard.

Yeah, exactly. I was going to say Sunni or something. Good thing I applied to Sunni as well. Fuck you. New Pulse is just as good as Harvard. For some of us, Sunni was the best and only option. Same.

Only option, indeed. I do love, and Quinto is excellent in this. Oh, yeah. And it's kind of interesting who decides to do an impression who doesn't, and it's nice that he doesn't. Because it would be, I mean, and like, there's mannerisms, there's all that stuff. But his voice is his voice. He's not trying to make it lower or more gravelly or closer to what you expect Spock to sound like. Yeah.

Which is great. Yeah, for sure. You know, because it's like, I don't know. If he was doing all of that, I don't want to watch that. You know what I mean? And especially with, you got the guy in the fucking movie. Yes. He's going to come in later.

You don't want to be aping him in the movie. True. You know. Can you imagine they share a scene at the end of the movie? That's got to be fucking weird. Because an urban peg and Yelko are doing impressions and Pratt, Quito, Cho, and Soldano. Oh, which, which Chris? Oh, oh, Pine.

fuck I wrote down. See, and now it's ruined for the rest of the episode. I'm sorry. Congratulations, Steve. Now Chris Pratson's Star Trek. I do love Chris Pine's performance, and I think it's like Hammy just the right amount. And it's really just like mimicking that cadence here and there. Here and there, which I think is very important.

There's only a couple lines in the movie where you're like, that's kind of a Shatner impression. But he doesn't do it too much, though. It was at the end of this one where he goes, bones. Buckle up. Great. Wonderful. So we cut to Zoe Salzana running into a bar. Space bar, a dirty-ass,

violent space bar in Iowa. Because remember, Iowa is on Earth, which is a planet in space. Look, look, it is not a dirty ass bar. It's an apple bees. They pretend like it's a dirty ass bar, but look inside this thing. It has shit on the wall.

It's like got a light, like the back is all lighted nicely. It's no. generic sports teams that are not even near there. A couple of a, a couple of, uh, Ferengi license plates. Yeah. Year 23, whatever.

Like, yeah, we only have Applebee's. That's all we have. Yeah. Right. They won the franchise wars. Exactly. Man, you know what? If it turned out that like the franchise wars actually happened and

all that's left was Applebee's, I'd never dine out again. Yeah. I mean, that's what I mean, folks listening to this no more than us, but, you know, the pandemic has it lasts forever.

every business closes except for shitty chains probably. And also like get diarrhea from riblets once, you know, shame on you. But get diarrhea seven times from unlimited riblets, shame on me, man. What's that unlimited? That's going to get you. Yeah, there's no

reason why a basket of rib tips should be advertised as unlimited, but that's America for you. It's just going to be Applebee's and Red Robin, trying to fight it all out for the last scraps. Applebee's, you're bound to get a case of Endorian shingles. Applebee's and chilies, they're just disease and darkness wrapped in silence and death. Dude, but that's what it is, right?

It's like the corporal, the mega conglomerate that owns the only restaurant chain in the future, which is Appleby's, is also the same conglomerate that owns things like toilet paper companies and Emotium AD and Heartburn medication. Listen, either you start going back to Chili's or there's no toilet paper for any. I think death and disease wrapped in silence and death is how they also call the the Philly Cheesesteak Egg Rolls at Chili's. I think that's also how they describe them. Oh, wow. What a bad idea. That's pretty bad, dude. I mean, there's a lot of terrible fusion cuisine, but you shouldn't be fucking around with that at a chain restaurant. And Eggerel

doesn't need to go to Philadelphia. How about that? that's a fucking Pixar short a little egg roll in Philadelphia they got a beautiful Chinatown though he's bouncing around Philly you know I don't know maybe you guys don't think it's an Academy Award winning Pixar Short it's one of the ones

that doesn't win the Academy Award but is nominated because Disney has big pockets yeah Andrew it's a trick question oh Pixar short no no then it is an Academy Award winning picture it's just instantaneous is. Yeah, so, you know, Kirk immediately hitting on her,

there's a crazy thing where she's ordering, like, nine drinks. I think it's for the table. No, I know, but like, the time in which, like, from her walking into the door to, like, when she goes up to the bar, you see her say hi to, like, two people, I gotta say,

who are being very generous right here. Also, like, for that table, really, no one's going to give her a hand. There should be at least one bumbling dude behind her being like, I'll help carry it back. Yeah, why don't you help with the drinks cupcake, you fucking son of a bitch. Dude, that's always the move, by the way.

If you're out with people and you want to, you know, want to get to know somebody, I'll help you with drinks. Great move. And you're saving money because you're only offering to help, not pay. I'm not going to pay. But it's the worst kept secret in Starfleet that she's with fucking Spock, though. So they

probably all know, like, oh, stay away. Yeah, that's a good thing. Stay away. No, no, I just don't know if they need to pay at all because in Star Trek, we might have a UBI, a booze income, not well, universal booze income. Yes, thank you for finishing

that for me. Well, it is a utopian society for sure, yeah, that's a good point. Could you imagine having a universal booze income where it's just like, okay, yeah, dude, you get five free big bottles of whiskey a month. And then I'd be like, oh shit, I got to get that six big bottle of whiskey.

Fuck, I got to start gambling to get it. It's been rough around this house. I've been drinking like a fish. It's insane. We're talking like three or four bottles in a week. Now, maybe three bottles in a week. Oh, did we go through wine like fucking jar-deep or de

producer roommate? Hey, Andrew, you look a little low. And I'm not going to go out to the store myself. I do love, and Zoe Saldon is fantastic in this as well. Again, she's not trying to do initial Nichols' impression, but she's got, you know, she's got tenacity, you know, she's got, like, a lot of agency and, like, I don't know, like, and they actually, what I love about this series is what it doesn't do, which the original series, and specifically the movies do, which is, it's a Kirk and Spock

show and everyone else can eat shit. And these movies, this movie, this movie a little less because we're establishing everything, and there needs to be a lot of Kirk and Spock show, but the next two really, like, everybody's got to do something to make the ship go kind of a thing. Yeah, and I think beyond one. up getting that one the best because they mix them all up in an interesting way. Yes. So, yeah, this is Cupcake comes in. Chris Pine gets his fucking ass kicked in this scene.

It's another glorious ass whipping. It's an exciting bar fight. And even the way, like, we frame and stay on, like, clenched fists is very interesting. Yeah, there's a lot of interesting filmmaking going on here. You can just film this as, like, a bad bar fight. that's fine. But like, even this, this Appleby's bar fight looks kind of interesting. Right. And now

we get Chris Pine meet Chris Pike. That's right. Here comes Bruce Greenwood breaking up this fight. A lot of Chris's. Right, Chris? Yes. A lot of Chris. Chris is, he's my favorite Hollywood Chris for sure. Chris Cabin.

Chris Cabin, absolutely. I trade them all. Chris Cabin is my favorite Hollywood elite. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. So this is the, like, probably the most famous part of the trailer because Bruce Greenwood's little monologue here was all over the trailer. But even when he comes

in and he whistles and like it stops everything dead and Kirk is just laying on the stainless. It's like you could whistle really loud. That's a great moment. That's the thing is Pine is funny like really funny in this role.

And they, that's one thing I think other than the action, what Abrams really highlights is the humor of this series. And it's this, this movie and this series is not afraid to make Kirk be wrong. Kirkby actually arrogant. Kirk be silly. Like, again, the ego, I mean, you're doing Star Trek without the ego, which is a great idea. You don't have Shatner. You do have Nimoy, but at least it's a cameo and it's a nod. You know what I mean? Like, and even Spock has his own foibles, you know? It pokes fun at itself, which is something I couldn't imagine the TNG movies doing because they're so dour and I feel like that makes them worse than they are I mean I know

there's moments of comedy like Picard doing the mombo's insurrection or whatever but like those comedic moments are just nowhere near on the level of this or you know I feel like Star Trek needs a wink and a nudge these days well and they also don't feel the jokes specifically in this movie they they feel like I mean it's obviously not, it's obviously not like a full-fledged lower decks kind of comedy stylings, but it's also not the comedy

that they were trying to do in those original movies, which is like you can feel them saying to themselves like, well, we need some levity here. And that's why like in Final Frontier, we're singing ro ro ro, row your boat, Yellowstone National Park. Like, and it's

not really that funny. It's just kind of like, oh, it's vaguely amusing to watch them do things that aren't really Star Trek-E in nature. It's uniquely physical comedy, like the whole thing with him getting injected and then having to

big hand. Yes. Oh, that's great. They're big comedic set pieces. I'm trying to think of any good, big comedic moments in those TOS movies. I think part six, Kirk in prison kicks someone in the knees and they're like, well, that's where his dick is. This is a pretty funny moment, but

you got that. Probably I'd say the most laughs is in part four, because there's all the like fish out of water time travel steps. Hello, computer. Fucking Scotty talking to that mouse, you know. We are overdue for a part four like movie again, I think. I would love just to like have fun with it. Do lower stakes like whales dying.

Well, there's something about, there is some heavy stakes in that movie though because they have to get the whales back because whatever the fuck is coming for Earth and is going to destroy it is like put off by the whale noises? Only the whales can save humanity as my recollection of it. Yes, you're right because there was a probe coming that was

going to destroy Earth if it didn't get a response from whales. That's the thing. The probe goes around like, you got whales or what? That's looking for whales. Also, by the way, the prime directive does not apply to humanity itself or the Federation

because in that movie, Spock I guess it was Scotty tells this engineer how to make this fucking tanker like this aquarium like super strong. Yes. And then that happens in this movie, right? With the trans warp beaming that that's Spock's like yeah, that's fine. It's fine.

Yeah, totally. He's like, uh, yeah, don't tell anybody where you got it, Scotty. It fell off the back of a truck. This equation fell off a truck. I do, uh, just to kept the humor, I do like also that the humor is lived in and not like cynical or like, well, that happened. You know what I mean? It's all, it's not at the expense of the movie.

It's within the film. It doesn't feel like it's punched up by a hack comedian. Yes, precisely. One thing that really struck me this time is Greenwald Pike telling him that I wrote my dissertation on your dad's failed mission. I'm like, this suggests a Starflea grad school that I really,

I really need to hear a little bit more about. He's Dr. Captain Pike. Yeah, would you insist on everybody calling you like, uh-ohm, doctor Captain Pike? Well, you know, if they do a spinoff of lower decks, I think you could do like the college years or Starfleet Academy as a great stomping ground for animated shows. Yeah, go to Midsomar Planet.

I do love where he's like, well, yeah, you're George Kirk's boy. there. And yeah, your aptitude tests are off the chart. Your Iowa test scores are intimidating. Literally, as it was a test you took while in Iowa. It's very a Jimmy Darko kind of a thing. Yeah, there's some weird line where he's like, aren't you tired of being a genius that hangs out at Applebee's? Like, whatever that. He calls him a genius. Like a genius that's not doing anything with your life or something. Yes. Really shitting on town? this captain bike. I think that actually happens. I remember there was a

fable. This was a gentleman a few years older than me that went through my high school who was like renowned genius. Oh, he had the pick of any school and his SATs were perfect and he just became a townie that would like piss and shit himself from being too drunk all the time. And it's just like once you get to that

level of smarts man, you realize it is a no-win scenario this life we lived. See, was this, that's a guy that they should have gotten into Starfleet. absolutely he was just waiting for an alien dude to pick him up oh so this is what happens and uh james jacem james t kirk goes back and all of his other iowa towny friends are like you know if you well every day i come and pick you up jim kirk and i hope you're not here man and then like he's got to go see about a girl he's

an elliott smith a little bit yeah there no jim it's not your fault jim it's not your fault good Jim Kirk man I could see that happen I do love so yeah he decides to do it and I love we were talking about earlier which is like you get to see and this is something Abrams I think is very specifically interested in which you get

like there's these shots of him on this motorcycle and you see all this crazy sci-fi shit behind him it's reminiscent of like all the stuff you see on Jack Who with like the downed what do you call it there the Star Destroy it's very like he loves like ground level

sci-fi stuff, which I always find it's a fun trick. You know what I mean? That's like, we're on the ground, but look how crazy this shit is. Scope. He's big on scope and like size of things. That's what's great about just him looking at the repair, the

ship being repaired on his motorcycle. Not enough people are into mouthwash, and I think we need to remember to make that part of your routine. What makes Abrams great is Listerine. I mean, and obviously like, I think that this is, he's very good at starting stuff and getting these, like, and like, I think he's a script, like, because he's a script doctor, I think so much of this works because it's like, it's, it's very punchy and he knows how it should look kind of. And I think that this trilogy, despite him not directing the last one, sticks the landing a bit better than the Star Wars trilogy, the sequel trilogy.

Well, it would almost have. Every day, I'll dislike that movie. I mean, and again, like, you know, we're in this hell, hellish time. line, which began with Star Trek, with Star Wars, the Rise of Skywalker, man. That's true. That was like the seed that started at all. But like the Force Awakens is great, and he's great at reinvigorating these franchises. And The Last Jedi, I think, is incredible.

I know a lot of people don't, but. Me, me, me. Well, see, and that's the thing is like when I, when I started, like, reviewing these movies on Letterbox and people are, like, replying about the lens flare, dude, you sound like a fucking Last Jedi detractor. It's like nails on a chalkboard hearing the complaints. Also, an 11-year-old complaint. Yeah.

Your fucking complaint is in the goddamn fourth grade. It's white. It's still white, hot. Like, it just happened to them on Twitter and shit. It's fucking nuts. What did that lens flare shoot your father in the fucking face, Batman? I mean, I do get it. Like, it's probably overworked.

It's probably overused. Sure. But every director's got a little bit of a foible. And at least it makes him a director. opposed to just a shapeless nothing. And I know space is supposed to be dark, but these are fucking heavy duty machines flying through space and there's suns and shit out there.

Sure. I think it's kind of neat. So he gets on the ship. You know, he decides to finally get his life together, go to college, you know. By the way, he bangs his head getting onto the ship for this low clearance beam. And then someone in the background goes,

nice. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I miss that. Some dude makes fun of him. Maybe it's cupcake. Could have been Grunberg. Oh, nice.

Greg, we got a live set here, buddy. I know it's funny, but I've said here, pal. Your mother, she wanted me to take one last picture of you before you left. Low beam. Nice. And this is, speaking of comedy, great performance by Carl Urban as Buzz McCoy. It's so great.

It's an impression, but it's a great one. And it works. because again, but it has it has gravitous and it is urban too, you know what I mean? It's somewhere in between. He's definitely putting his own spin on it. Sure. It's like, you know, he's

trying as hard as an Australian can to do Oh, he's New Zealand, is he? Interesting. There is an Australian in this cast. Is there not Eric Bannon? Yes, but whatever, here's his worth. Here's the trick. Here's the trick. Whatever you're wondering if someone's either from New Zealand

or Australia, ask yourselves, were they in Lord of the Rings? And if the answer is yes, then they're from New Zealand. Oh, right, because he was. He was, yeah. Also, ask yourself if you care. And the answer is usually not. Now, listen, if you're watching a movie

where the primary language is English, okay, those actors are either British, New Zealand, or Australian. Yes, precisely. Maybe one that you think is Americans, Canadian, but that's it. What was I saying? Oh, but, yeah, I mean, he's doing this, like, Southern American accent,

you know, as much as he's going to do. that. And then also just like the curmudgeonly nature that DeForest Kelly brought to everything. It makes fucking awesome continuity sense here that they thought ahead to have age discrepancies between all these people. Yes. Like the same that we're on the show. You know, like Carl Urban is older than these people, just like DeForest Kelly was. The one thing I will never forgive J.J. Abrams for is cutting out whatever MRA tirade. Jim Kirk got unloaded with when they cut from him, starting like, well, wife took everything but the planet from me, and then they cut and they're on the planet,

essentially. That ride must have been something else, man. Oh, you know, yeah, first she's just seeing some guys. She starts a fucking book club, okay? Book club. And who's there? It's Barry.

Oh, Barry's a little attractive, isn't he? I'm like, you know what? Just leave it alone. And then, sure enough, oh, Barry's coming over to drop off the book from book club. but oh, I gotta go to the hospital. And guess who's fucking my wife? It's Barry.

Yeah, this goddamn book club. Thank you very much, Oprah the third. Oprah the third. All of a sudden, Barry knows the name of my dog. Well, how'd you find that out? I do love the line. Like, she took the whole planet from me. All got my left is my bones.

Yeah. Which is, it's a line that plays so well, I think, honestly. It's not like fucking, it's not. And I saw some people. saying this already, and I'm telling you it's not. It is not the fucking solo. Oh, yes. You know what I mean?

Han, what? You buy you tell him solo. Do you darn. Like, it's an actual thing. And considering that in the original like TY was like he was bones because he was a doctor and knew the human anatomy and whatever. Like, this is a rad like all that she left me was my

bones. It's a great detail that he's fucking divorced and miserable. I mean, he hates everything like it just adds so much to the character. It adds a lot because it's like why else would this dude who seemingly hates space and aliens decide to sign up for this shit?

Exactly. He hates everything about it. What is a spaceship going to lift off? Because I mean if they find the bodies before I'm going to, yeah, when or are we are we going to fucking go or what? Dump them in Iowa. That's good. That's good. That'll do. Would you believe the hardware store was out of lie?

I had to dig their graves with their bones. Jolsey loved me with Jim Boy. I used as FEMA. Barry's FEMA. I used it to dig a grave. Anybody watching the boys? I'm just kind of curious. I'm a bit of a Carl Urban fan.

I did not. My wife did and she liked it and suggested I do, but I have not seen it. I watched the first half of the first season. It's like an interesting idea, and Carl Urban's really good in it. but it definitely gets tiring after a while. Okay.

Quick question. Yeah. What? It's an Amazon original program based on a comic book series from like the 90s that was like edgy, but I hear it's better in the TV show. It's like superheroes, but they're pieces of shit because they have superpowers. Oh, interesting. Oh, okay.

And Carl Urban's like the star of it or? Or one of, yeah. He thinks he's like hunting them down or doing something. Yeah. Dude, I watch... Oh, that's kind of badass, actually. Last Sunday, me and my wife watched just because we're scrolling through the depths of Netflix.

This movie called Hangman from 2017, where Carl Urban and Al Pacino are on the case of his serial killer. Yeah, and he does Hangman, right? Yes, it is. Oh, fuck, is it good? No, it's terrible. Oh, come on. Of course it's terrible.

But it's got two guys in it. It's got two guys. That's all you need for a movie. You just need a couple of guys. But she's... But Chino is doing this fucking foghorn leghorn voice and I cannot believe it. Oh, man. Carl Urban came in there with his foghorn leghorn voice.

God damn it. Now I got to change that. Now I got to do a regular guy. Does he do a regular guy voice? No, it's a bit of a southerty kind of act. But it's not like, but she was like, why? What all is happening with that hagman, y'all? Oh, geez.

It's not good. I wonder for us, New Zealanders and Australians, like if Southern New Zealand. easier to tap into? It probably is. Because then you're not doing the house flattening thing where you're like, ah, yes, I'm an American. Yeah, you're putting, you know,

it's easier to hide behind a more specific regional, was what I was trying to say, accent like that. So that's their like little meat cute. And then we cut to three years later, which is nice. We cut through all of their Starfleet Academy. It's a good

gag in a way, too, because Kirk tells Pike as he's getting on the shuttle with bones. He's like, hey, man, I'm going to do your fucking Starfleet Academy in three years. Adios, as opposed to the usual four, apparently. I also love how Uhura sees him come on the ship. She's like, oh, fuck, this guy's stalking me. God damn it. Son of a bitch, that guy from Applebee.

He's a smoothie, though, because he's like, I never got that first name. Oh, right. Yes, it's cool. Yeah, I can't say enough about her in this movie. I just like her in this movie a lot. I like her even better than those Garden to the Galaxy movies because it's a bit more of a humane performance,

a human performance. She gets a little more range. Well, her and putting her with Spock gives her a lot of like intimate moments that she can really play up. And she's got great chemistry with Quinto too. Yeah, really good. Yeah, no, I mean, they're really great together

and it's, it was so great. I remember when we saw this for the first time, I remember thinking like, it's fucking great that she's got so much to do. in this movie and they give her even more as they go on. I mean like we said they all have stuff to do but it's just great

seeing Uhura have stuff to do. I'm thinking like you know in part five where she does that like sexy dance and then it's also revealed to have been fucking Scotty and you're like that's not a character detail I want. I totally forgot about that and I remember like seeing this movie in the theater

being like oh Spock and her together Did that ever happen? And then I remembered now there was a TOS episode where they like sexily play harp together. Yes. Oh, right. So it's sort of established that it could be like in both timelines, Spock might have been getting it. I would love to have that rest of that movie be James Kirk having a mental breakdown because she picked Scotty over him. Oh, definitely.

That's what I'm really glad this movie does not even fucking take a whiff of trying to do is. is have him be jealous of the two of them and trying to fight for her affections and make it a love triangle thing. Because, like, you could do that. You're fucking totally redoing Star Trek. This is like a brand new thing. You know, I think it's totally possible

that they could have done that, and it would have been absolutely terrible. Chris Pine already did that movie. It's called This Means War. You're totally right. I mean, he just raises his eyebrow really quick when they kiss in front of him. He's like, oh, that guy's that's how that it is in that family.

of a thing. Like it is, he kind of realizes what's going on. Um, so yeah, this is, here's, here's, I'll toss a gripe into the ring here. I don't give a shit about seeing him do the Kobayashi Maru. I don't. I really don't. We're taking up a lot of time doing this. I do think it's, it gets sticky around here with all the rankings and how fast Jim Kirk becomes captain. Like, if he's just a better student and is out of the academy and like, it's just like a lowly, lieutenant on the ship and then stuff starts happening I think that's a little better than this

implausible journey we go on but it's fine He's kind of like captain by default towards the end and they just like let him have it. Right I think it's like his award for valor because of this mission but like the Kobe Ash and Maru specifically it doesn't matter in the

sense that like we eventually get to a trial put on by Tyler Perry and the Starfleet council that he's the head of. I do think that Kobayashi Maru is pretty fun. It's silly. It's dumb. His whole like nonchalance of it eating the apple and being like, like, oh, it doesn't matter. They're like, it doesn't matter. It's like, yeah, don't worry about it. I'm glad they didn't play it straight. It was so, it was so easy to play something like that straight, but it's just showing him being a showoff as compared to when we see Spock being like the rigid like, I don't know how he beat me at my fucking test.

Well, and I guess like that's its only real reason for existing in this story is because in this, you know, telling of it, Spock has invented the Kobayashi Maru. Right, which was not before. But it puts them at direct odds. It makes them just have this adversarial, you know, frenemies type of relationship. It definitely does. And I guess it's fine. And maybe I'm being too hard on it. But like when we get to this trial or whatever, like it's interrupted by the rest of the.

movie. You know what I mean? And then like when we get back to that, the hallowed halls of Starfleet, Tyler Perry fucking gives him a medal at the end of the movie. It's interrupted by having fucking Tyler Perry across my eyesight. This is fucking God. Just stops the fucking movie dead. Hold on a second, guys.

There's some weird frequency. I'm getting a message board coming through in the podcast. I honestly, I don't give a shit. It's like such a brief, brief role. I just don't think he like, he sticks out. out to, like, that's kind of the problem. Of course he does. He's Tyler Perry, but at least he's not sitting there

fucking dressed up like Medea. But something like, God. Like I Admiral Medea. It's a bigger character and Gone Girl, but he blends into the movie. Yeah. But like this,

I wanted him to blend in. Like, it's just like, hi, I'm Tyler Pear and I'm his Star Trek movie. You can't, because dude, you cannot blend into movies like this if you're a known public figure. You know what I mean?

Like these movies, they're already, they have, the cast itself has such a high profile and they've stacked it with a bunch of people you know already, you know, so like then you're this super recognizable face like Tyler Perry, there's no fucking way to blend into that. You're part of the circus. I was just going to say I like the costumes in this scene. I like, I like, Eric, you were saying that you

missed the old school costumes of the red. And this is a nice nod to those, I think. I think so. This is like a Starflea cadet outfit that's kind of a red uniform. I would love it if they continued this cast because I think this cast is incredible and just keep making movies while they age and then get those red uniforms out. Absolutely get those

fucking red retirement uniforms out. Absolutely, dude. A friend of the show Dave Sims had said this on Twitter and I totally agree. It just doesn't make any sense. This cast is so fucking good. Just make a movie every three years. Just do it. I don't care. And here's the thing, Eric. I just realized

another detail about your wish for the red uniforms in the end of beyond when Quinto opens like a little case that he got he gets Ambassador Spock's belongings and he opens the box and it's a picture of them the old cast in the red uniform it was a nice moment yeah and there was also a prophylactic and one soiled By the way, Tyler Perry in this scene actually says that the primary fleet is engaged in this other system

and I'm like, what the fuck is going? There's like World War 5 somewhere and like they have to enlist every cadet out of... We're at child's shoulder mode now. Yeah, it is a weird... I guess everybody graduated. Yeah, totally. You're all being...

Now you're all officially deputat. Get out there in space. I skip class once and I find out we're going to war? That's the thing. I think we passed from World Wars. Now we're on Planet Wars. That's right. Galaxy War. I know we're trying to move along,

but I do love the five seconds when this is a police academy movie where it's Kirk fucking with the Green Lady and then he has to go under. It turns into a total boob comedy. It is a bit rich. I can imagine.

You can hear me breathing? It's so good. I like it. It's an eyebrow raise. Like, everybody gets in their bras and stuff, and we're having a good time. The Green Lady is Rachel Nichols of G.I. Joe fame. Who?

Exactly. How is she in G.I. Joe? Scarlet. Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense. I probably didn't have to ask that. I do. It's another thing that's interesting. It's the same bit of detail,

like the feeling I got seeing the detail of Kirk looking at the shipyard in Iowa. It's another, like, grounded. Here's a thing about the Star Trek world that you don't see and we don't really talk about. Like, of course, when you're in Starfleet Academy, you've got a shitty roommate situation. You know what I mean? Another thing we skip over because, I swear this is last thing before we go to space, I swear, is it's suggested in the Kobayashi-Muru test that Jim Kirk is also a hacker.

Yeah. He somehow, like, he must be, he must, he's zero cool, I think. He changed the, like, the subrute code to make the Kobayshy, in academic vernacular, you cheated. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's exactly what Kirk is said to have done in Wrath of Khan. I do, I do want to see those. I do want to see those late nights listening to Chemical Brothers and Orbital, drinking like early style caffeine drinks. Yeah, Jolt Cola.

Yeah. Oh, yes. I don't know, man. I just do think that the Academy years is a show that I could watch, and it's a total, and it is Police Academy, but Star Trek. I mean, I think it's a great, let us do that. We can do that for you.

We can make it good. Don't worry about it. It's a great idea. You got Star Wars is now going full on television, the Mandalorian, Canobi, it's Settlando now. So there's like, get in the game. Do some more Trek shows, dude. Yeah, exactly.

A quick question. Is Voyager, no, Voyager, Discovery. Is that the Kelvin, timeline or is that the Picard timeline? I'm pretty sure that's the Kelvin timeline. Got it. Okay. Don't entirely quote me on that, but I believe that to be correct. I need to one day watch that show.

That's what I've been trying to, that's what I've been saying for about six years. I really like the first two episodes. I just like, I forget what started. Some show came on the air right when that was starting to and I just hopped ships and I never went back. Yeah, I think similarly, I was watching something. I was watching. I think I caught like the first five episodes of season one. And for no reason of disliking it, I just got distracted and something else came along. I've kept up with lower decks though and I got to say, still funny.

Not an ad. Just saying, still funny. So yes, there's a distress call from Vulcan. All the cadets need to report for duty. We got to get the hell out of here. There's a crazy thing. There's all sorts of like weird circumstances like having to happen in order to make this crew come together, which I like the way the writing sort of has this.

Like, Uhura is originally designated to be on the Farragut because Spock is like, oh, well, you know, we're fucking and it would be weird if I put you on the best ship of the fleet with me, right? Yeah, dude, that's an inquiry, dude. You're asking for yourself for an inquiry if you fucking put her on that ship. He's like, I was

just in that trial with Tyler Perry. I don't need to fucking see that dude again. I've resigned for sexual allegations that have Come forward. Inappropriate with my students. I mean, yeah, you're totally correct, though, by the way, because he is definitely an instructor at the academy.

Oh, yeah, dude. You want an A. Dude, I mean, it's looking more and more like a boob comedy with every second. Exactly. Was that logical, Mr. Spock, to start a relationship with your student? No, this is just a board at Starfleet, and we'd like to ask you this question. Do you think that was logical to start dating your student?

Actually, it was, look at her bazoongas. Hachy-machy. It's amazing you achieved so much with your disadvantage. Disadvantage. Your human dick. Not like the usual Vulcan garden hose. In my defense, Starfleet, just like James Kirk, her behind doesn't quit. Okay.

All right, Kirk. that just this one time we'll team up here in these in the academy days to raid the panties of the other camp Panty raid. Okay, so we know Balkans have green blood, humans have red blood, humans have white come, what color? Is it like purple? I don't know, man.

Look in the crayon box. What do you got? I don't have one handy. You know the color? Cyan. You know the color of the blob in the remake? Oh, sure. That's about where you're going there.

So like a magenta? I feel here's the thing. And this is my only evidence. You know, you're asking me. You're saying teal. I'm saying I'm going to guess it's white as well. Or else, bones would have made fun of it in all these years.

Imagine him it was brown. Oh, God, ew. Yeah. Let us all just imagine for a moment. And come on. Spock, you're coming molasses. Oh, God. Damn it.

See? Do you see? This is how you don't get Winona Ryder is having brown cubs. Are you saying you came on that table? I thought that was molasses. I put it in a pie. Everyone's eating it.

I made pecan pie with your cums, bye. Again, this is a boop comedy. I like this. It's as logical that I nutted in your pecan pie. That pecan pie doesn't believe in no-win's scenario. Well, it is, we started the Academy's first frat. And then Sarac is played by Eugene Levy, who walks in on a mudding in this part.

Jim, it was illogical for you to come in that pie. By the way, that's something to think about Eugene Levy and Star Trek. I would love it. It could happen. Yeah, so like, so she gets reassigned, and Kirk is, he's like, they're going to, Spell him, but, you know, oops, war broke out. Can't do that. And he's supposed to just stay on planet, but Bones's like, well, I can't have you missed the best adventure of a lifetime. Let me just inject you with, inject you with this weird disease, or it's a vaccine, rather.

It's a COVID-19 vaccine. Hold still. Yeah, it took us 400 years. We got it. You got numb tug now. Don't worry, Jim Boy, I got your cover. We'll get you into space. Here's some hydroxychloroquine for you. Yeah. And this is a lot of fun stuff where his hands become really fat, his tongue is numb. And it's just good physical comedy from Chris Pine here. Anton Yelkin gets on the PA and tells everyone what their mission. It's kind of interesting that Chekhov is like above everyone of our central crew,

especially since nerds will point out that he didn't come into the show until season two. Yes. But he says that there's a lightning storm in space. And Kirk perks up to that. and now is trying to rush to the bridge to say this is a trap. And because also, when he was fucking the green lady

at O'Hora's house, he heard about the transmission there were 47 or 46 Kleeon warbirds that were destroyed by Romulans and one massive ship. Yes. Yeah. That line from O'Hura,

it always makes me think that like her hobby is just hanging out in like, the command center lab like late at night just like listening to frequencies. It's kind of cool. It's like CB radio came back. Exactly.

Breaker, breaker. hauling out a jolt cola from Earth to Vulcan. Anyone see Smokey on my tail? We got a great big convoy going out in space. Yeah, it's rad that it's, It's on the bridge, you already have Sulu and Chekhov. Chekhov is just there. But Sulu, we're told, is kind of like a fill-in

because the dude who is supposed to be there is sick. He's worms or something, which is pretty cool. And it's great. I think Cho and the late great Anton Yelkin are great here. I do love... Yes. And I think it's... Yeah, Cho is just fantastic.

It's a really, like, it's a very, like, Butch performance and it's kind of cool. Like, you know, he's an action hero of his own right, which is kind of cool. He's badass as fuck, dude. He has his, you know, the big fight scene we'll get to in a few minutes is really great.

He has moments in this movie where I'm pretty sure, here's the danger. I'm pretty sure it's this movie. I watched all three right in a row yesterday. I believe it's also this movie where he fucking has to threaten somebody over the communication link and then Bones is like,

Whoa, remind me never to piss you off. Is that this movie? Oh, maybe. I can't remember because I watched them all. Yeah, he's like, I don't think it's this movie because I would have remembered. That's the one I've seen in a long time. I think it's into darkness, maybe. Yeah, where he's like, you know, you know, I'm warning you now, do not test me.

If you come from me, I will destroy you or something like that. And then Bones is just like, holy shit. But yeah, it's, they're so. great in these roles and they don't feel like at all, you know, they're so different from George Ticay and old, what's his name?

Walter Kernig. Yeah. But he's doing, he's doing a Coney's impression a little bit. You know, he's having fun with it. Well, he's actually, that's what's interesting. Like, Anton Yelkin was the son of Russian immigrants. He's

doing an actual Russian accent. He's not doing a fucking cartoonish thing that a Canadian actor in a wig did. And that's what's kind of interesting. But to both of them, though, they don't feel like, like you didn't come out of this movie being like, I can't believe what they did to Sulu. You know, I can't believe how he played Chekhov.

You know what I mean? Like, they all just seem to work really well. And it's great that that extends beyond bones, Kirk and Spock. I think Chekhov even says a wah-wa-we-wa at some point in this. And they get over it. Like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, vibes. I do love, or we should say at least,

that John Cho is Korean and Taked and Sulu are Japanese. And there was a little bit of controversy when that happened. And Sulu and Take came out as well, you know, I always thought that Sulu was for all Asian

Americans. And it was like, where's my check? But then didn't he get mad that they made Sulu gay in the next movie? Yes. I think he was a little bit well. that's a bit much kind of a thing, which is, it's a weird, weird kind of thing to get hung up on. I guess it was beyond where they did that. This is the danger of watching them all.

Yeah, it's beyond and it's a total fucking throwaway thing. Exactly. That's the thing. It's just, it's a nothing. It's just like in Star Wars when they kept on acting like, oh, there's going to be a gay character in these movies. No, there's not. No, there's not. Yeah.

We're just going to, we're going to do it for half a second. At least, yeah, I mean, at least with Star Trek, like, it's a major character and not some fucking radio personnel. whatever the fuck that shit was in The Rise of Skywalker but it is still like they get to the space station in beyond and like Sulu like a little kid runs up to Sulu and he hugs the

kid and then there's this dude and Juntro just kind of like puts his arm around him and like that's it. Yeah. Then you see that dude running later. Yeah. And it's fine but like don't fucking because that was the thing. This happened both

with Star Wars and with Because it's a publicity Stoddamos Here it is Fucking get ready dude Carusulu in this movie He's fucking gay As the day is long

And then you watch the movie And you're like I mean I guess Oh no one to the bathroom He was gay Oh exactly Was he gay when I was in the bathroom? Oh okay I missed that

And I don't know Like not for nothing But like you do see later There's like a photograph somewhere of them Like looking more like a family But like in that moment You're just picking

somebody up at the airport. Like, it could have been his brother. He puts his arm around him. Because he doesn't give him a kiss or a hug or anything like that, really. He just sort of like walked with him. Like, I've put my arm around my brother before. Like, you know, come on. Come on. Come on. Grab a little butt. Yeah. Exactly. You've been out in space.

You haven't seen that ass and who knows how long. Get grab it. Get some crack going. Get right inside that crack. Take that credit card out. Swipe it through those cheeks. You know, I really liked Star Trek Beyond. I thought the unsimulated blowjob between John Jonah's husband was interesting. It was powerful.

It was really powerful. You know, I didn't first like the idea of putting Vincent Gallo in charge of Star Trek Beyond. But, you know what? It turned out it was an interesting choice. Well, Kevin, file that under things that are impossible. I do want to say, if we're talking about unsimulated blowjobs and the brown bunny, that's what Spock gives you. Right? Oh, the brown come.

Thanks, Steve. No problem, dude. I'm here. Thanks. I was so worried it was going to slip through the cracks. There was a moment that almost slipped through the cracks, but I'm going to catch it because we've got to make this as long as possible. Get that credit card out, dude, slipping through the crack. Ooh, right in the cracks.

Slips right in. Nero, when he, like, wakes up to, like, go capture Spock, who's now coming through the wormhole. we later see that actually happened through the the mind meld but we do see him waking up to confront him um yes and it's like the shot of nero eric banna just like laying on his back and it's just his face for like a kind of a long moment and it reminded me exactly of that part of the cable guy where jim carries on the phone and a spider walks across his face because he's just like so stoically in that that dark mood totally yeah yeah there is a quick shot and it's Nero just

like they're just floating in space waiting, they've been waiting like 25 years I think they say for Spock to come through the wormhole and he's just like God I'm so bored well I'd be like fuck we're almost out of gas and if we got out of gas they're not going to have they're not going to invent it for

25 more years I just finished every episode of Doctor Who it took me this long since I was born until this day I believe that And then I got to the season where there was a lady doctor and I was like, why did they make a big deal out of this? It's a show where a phone booth goes through fucking time.

It's perfectly serviceable. I don't understand why anybody's got it. It's the same show. Excuse me, it's Dr. Who, not Dr. Her. Oh, man. That was something. I don't know how you got my ship's frequency, but you should shut up. Captain, a message board is hailing us.

Captain, there's a distress call from 8chan. Fire everything! Oh yeah, definitely fire everything. So they, when Kirk convinces everyone that this is a real thing and we get to, yeah, we get to Vulcan and we see all the ships destroyed. Oh, that's another thing, though. Just this weird, the confluence of events, like everything that has to happen, like to make this team come together.

There's another moment here where Bruce Greenwood is like, he's talking to the whole fleet and he's like, all right, guys, we're going to this thing. There's a lightning storm in the space, yada, yada, we got to go help out Vulcan. Let's roll, punch it. And all of the fleet, you know, warps out of there, except for the Enterprise

and like Sulu you know he fucking forgot to you know put up gear or something and there's a kind of a hilarious thing like Pike has a joke about like did you leave the parking break on like that's very funny

and again works to the comedy and then Spock narks on Sulu and he's like did you adjust the something something dampeners and he's like yeah got it thanks asshole and then they go and only then when they come out of warp and get to Vulcan

the fleet is already destroyed So if Sulu hadn't fucked that up, they're fucked just like the rest of them. And O'Hora is like not, you know, she's like in the lower decks until they need someone to speak Romulan. And this dude's like, duh. What? What the fuck is the Romulan? Yeah, I speak, I speak American. I speak Chinese.

That's it. That's it. I speak a little Canadian. I don't know. I know, no, I learned Cardassian. I thought that was the same as being a language expert for the Starfleet. Oh, damn, they're not in this movie. Oh, my language requirement was useless.

Oh, yeah, I speak Borg. It's a bunch of ones and zeros. So, yeah, the whole thing is, you know, this Romulan ship is, it's got this drill down on Vulcan and it is fucking this planet to death. I love this drill. I love that Nero is. just a like an angry minor. It's kind of an interesting turn.

You never really deal with any of the enterprises, business enterprises, other than the military in these movies. So it was nice to see this external factor. We stand apart from the empire. It was cool to watch this before four years later when Zach and I stole

for a man of steel. It was pretty cool to watch that. Oh, yeah. Does someone, oh, is that why Krypton explodes in that movie? No, that's what they're doing, the earth before it gets all fucked up. Oh, is that right? Yeah, the world engine or whatever the fuck they call. Oh, I totally forgot.

Terraforming. Yeah. Well, the thing about this drill is like, really, if you think about it, it really doesn't matter, because if you have the fucking black hole juice, you can just throw it at Vulcan anyway, and it probably would go off. If you, a quick question, Eric, let me just do my Jeremy Isaac's, my Jason Isaac's impression. If you put a firecrack in your hand, you light it. Ooh, you burn your hand.

but then if you close your fist around that crack cracker, your wife's opening ketchup bottles the rest of your life. So the Armageddon principle. I guess that's fair. That's fair. There's a great bit of editing right here where Sulu is counting down to when they're going to get to Vulcan. And it's like, he says, like, approaching Vulcan in three, two, and they drop out of warp. And the shot of them like coming into the debris field is really awesome right here.

but yeah again lucky that that uhura pushed spock to put her on the enterprise because yeah this dude is just like i don't know about that and gets kicked out so she you know she's like you know my clingons or uh my uh my romulan you know i can speak all three dialects is what she says in this movie um and so this is pike you know does some radio communique here he's like uh you know i'm christopher pike at the us's Enterprise and the fucking great Eric Bannon Delivery right here. Hi, Christopher Omnero. Yeah, it's so good.

Not only you get the high Christopher Amnero right before that, it was like, hello. And then Christopher Byke introduced himself and then he goes, hi Christopher. It's such a bizarre performance and I love every second of it. I relish in this performance. I think he's one of the best Star Trek villains we've seen.

I really, you know what's funny is it wasn't until this time through that I was able to acknowledge how great he is in this movie. Like before yesterday watching it, I was like, if you asked me like, oh, how's Eric Banna in that Star Trek 2009? I'd be like, yeah, he's fine. It's kind of forgettable.

But like, it's definitely not. He's definitely doing a character. It's a big performance. It's a big villainy performance that has a lot of heart to it, though. We find out here his whole thing is, you know, because, you know, Pike mentioned something here about the Romulan Empire,

and he's like, oh, I don't speak for those motherfuckers. not involved in any of that, you know. But we get this story eventually. It's not right here. Right. When Pike is being interrogated. Yeah. It's a famous scene where we get the,

it has happened. I saw it happened. Don't tell me it didn't happen. Exactly. Yeah. And this is like, you know, he's confused about the two timelines, but he's like, hey man,

when fucking Romulus exploded and blah, and Pike's like, the fuck are you talking about? What's this guy talking about? Romulus is out there, you know. And then this is a great line from Banna Prepare the Red Matter, which is just the

gook from Die Hard with a vengeance a little bit. Isn't it? Yeah, it's exactly. Oh, yeah, I need that dude, whatever his name is. Charlie. Charlie. You fucking make a black hole on that chair? Charlie, you're going to be wearing

that black hole up your ass. Corn therapy? The dark matter was just corn syrup So their whole thing is like Well, okay, we can't beam people off of Vulcan Because this drill is putting this force field around the planet We can't beam anybody So first things first

The next level of this video game movie is We have to fucking space jump down onto the drill platform, take out that drill, and then we can start rescuing all the Vulcans. And this is a great action set piece. It just straight up is great. I love the red shirt Olson. I guess it's red body armor. The great nod to the original series, this guy has all the charges. For some reason, they give it all to him. It's so funny too because Pike is like, Kirk, Sulu, engineer Olson, come with me, please. Well, he says who's good in a fight

and then Sula says I am and then he knows Kirk is because he saw him beat up those dudes. And he's not even supposed to be here anyway. Yes. And then Engineer Olson's like just some Irish dude. So he's like, well, that guy's been in a bar fight too. Just like Kirk, okay, fine. The guy who was kicked out of the train spotting gang.

Yeah, exactly. Who's that guy who beat up that other? Oh, yeah, Olson. Well, dude, and this guy too, like they're getting. ready to do this fucking jump. The whole thing is like Bruce Greenwood's like all right man I am going to shuttle myself over to

Nero's ship but we're going to secretly drop you guys out like while I'm on the way and you can do this whole thing and he's this guy Olson says to Kirk and Sulu he's like yeah I'm ready to kick some rumyling ass you are so dead dude

even if you didn't have that red shirt on with a line like that I know you are going down he's so agro and like even Chris pine, it's just like, all right. You know, we're like going down there and plug something, right? I do love, this is important where Kirk is promoted to first officer

and Spock is promoted to captain while Pike goes over and deals with his own shit. Oh, yeah, totally. When he shuttles over to Nero. So this jump is pretty thrilling. I love this Olson dude just like not opening a shoot in time because he thinks it's like cooler to like,

be closer to the drill when he opens it and it backfires and he gets caught in like the draft and goes under into the fucking drill, the laser drill. Dude, like this is a drill that is fucking burrowing into the core of a planet and this dude fell into that. Crispy critters, dude. Yeah, dude, it is. There are multiple crispy critter deaths in this movie

but that one specifically is just like it is a gold standard of crispy crinner death. He is like vaporized and then we get a great chuck off line. Olson is gone, sir. Yeah, just fucking totally erased from existence. I mean, he gets breathed in by Kirk. It's like there's nothing left of this dude.

I got a little fucking Olson on my uniform. I got Olson lung sand still. I got a vaccine. This is what Abrams is really good at is the choreography of scenes like this and being able to cut and like you clearly understand what's happening the whole time so that the payoff of him getting sucked

under actually hits. You know, that's funny, Cabin, that you mentioned being able to follow the action in an action scene, because I realized yesterday, that's a little bit of my beef with Beyond, which played much better than it did the only other time I saw it. But, like, that movie is way too amplified into a 21st century action movie. And not just like the motorcycle scene, but there are other action set pieces in that movie where the editing is way too fast. And I feel like I'm watching Pirates of the Caribbean.

Kind of, yeah. I think that movie, I think into darkness and beyond are nowhere near as good as this movie, but I like both of them for varying reasons. That's where I am. And I have varying things I don't like about both of them as well. Beyond to me is the most MCU of these movies. Yes. So that's kind of what bothers me about it, but I otherwise enjoy it immensely.

The Space Station design being like MC Escher, Dr. St. range ask is pretty cool. Yeah, I do, I do like the production design in that movie is, I mean, in all these movies they're fucking great, but that space station really stuck out to me yesterday is something above the rest here. There's a great, so when they

both land safely, there's a thing of like, Olson had the charges and he's like, I think Sulu says that, Kirk's like, I know. They have to fight off some Romulence here. Cool that Sulu has this retractable sword. Oh, dude, this sword is bad ass.

It kicks ass. It's really cool when it unfurls itself. And it's a nice sort of play on your expectation because he does have a line when they're in the shuttle. Kirk is like, what's your hand-to-hand combat experience and Sulu's like fencing? It was a great gag reminding you of the shore leave episode. Was it short leave or was a different one when they go crazy and horny or something? We covered it on the Nexus, I think. Yeah, it's an early episode. I think it's shore leave. Maybe not. But yeah, that episode where he's running around with the sword.

So you think like fencing, you think sort of, you know, parry, peri, thrust, thrust, you know. And then when this sword comes out, this retractable, like, future sword, I was like, oh, I hope that's in the Olympics someday. Like, this thing fucking rocks. I do love the other robulet is just like, well, I guess we're sordin it. And he takes out this other sword. Dude, yeah, his like sword axe or whatever, he's like, oh, swords, huh? Got that cover. That's one thing I love about.

Star Trek is just knives are still everywhere. Oh, sure, man. Absolutely, dude. You never know when a good knife is going to come in here. Oh, we're doing swords. Okay, let me throw this phaser that will kill you immediately in the garbage. Exactly. There's a moment right here in this

scene where I noticed this one extra, and it happens twice in this movie, so I'll just get it out of the way now, but there are like I think this movie is kind of saying something in so, not saying something, but just sort of putting a stamp on like This is definitely, you know, this ain't your mama's Star Trek. Oh, sure.

This is a new thing. In, in several ways, of course, throughout this movie, as we're discussing right now. But two hilariously specific ways are, there are two moments where you see, like, befuddled extras that are definitely of boomer age. There's one, there's an old fucking boomer that's on the bridge, and he's just like some helpless extra who just looks confused the whole fucking time. And then there's another one. I'll bring it up right now. because I know I'm gonna forget later, but there's a scene where,

oh, it's kind of close to here, I think, because it's when Chekhov is, when he realizes he can do... I can do that, I can do that. Yeah, that, when he can do the beaming equation or whatever. Yeah, from the two eyes falling.

And there's this, like, befuddled Karen-looking motherfucker that's just, well, I don't know what's going on here. And he's like, get the fuck out of here. Just like, tosses this boomer to the curve, and it's like, now I use computer. I do love... Yeah, and there's the Sulu saves Kirk here, which again, never in one trillion years would William Shatner allow to be saved in an action sequence by George Dake.

And you know what I mean? Like all that baggage is gone. This is cool. We just we just see like the sword with green blood. Like this dude has been been stabbed. And also Sulu killed the other guy by pushing him over the fire grate. So like Kirk has kind of done nothing here. Right now he's dangling over the edge.

But he does know it. Big difference is he does know it. But yeah, I fucking love the dude. Like, yeah, the guy that gets, it's another spectacular crispy critter death. He makes the guy, like, stand over the exhaust. And he just gets totally cooked up. But then the other guy is, like, he's stamping on, he's trying to, like, stamp on Kirk's hands. Because Kirk is hanging off the platform.

And the dude just fucking drops dead. And it is because of Sulu kicking ass once again. And you just see this dude's body fall. off that platform. There's a lot of good like people get killed and they fall moments in this movie and it's wonderful. The fire guy, I wanted it to like end and the skull just to be there and say mother and then drop.

Dude, he does give such a Looney Tunes look to Sulu too. It's fucking awesome. And then this is when they blow up the thing with their guns and then they fall and as they're falling this is when Anton Yelkin has to save the day and he does. Right. Because Sulu at this point does not have a parachute anymore. because Kirk accidentally shot it. Thanks, Kirk.

Then he had to cut it off because the wind. Anyway, what I love about the parachute is that they're retractable. It's pretty cool. It's pretty neat. That was one of those things where I was like, I wonder if anyone in the parachuting community saw this movie and was like, say, that's a good idea. I mean, I just feel from the little I know about parachutes from my days hanging around skydiving ranches, You don't want things to get like wound up like that

because if any, you get any kind of knot and you're literally dead. So you really want to take great care. It is the 24th century. Sure. Oh, sure. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you don't want knots in your parish. You're obviously.

These ropes were probably some type of metal or something. Yeah, for sure. They do. Kirk tries to initiate his and it breaks off because the way it's too much of the two people. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's an exciting beaming scene, which again, you know, that's what you want to start.

movie, you know what I mean? It's like he's running around the ship. He knows how to do the equation and you're watching like, oh my God, are they going to make it? Of course they are. On my rewatch here, I was wondering like, is this beaming line? Was that originally written for Scotty and that was a drop thread in the script?

Like, Chekhov being a genius, I don't remember so much from any TOS property. No, he wasn't. And then also like they get into it more in I think it's the it's the second movie where Kirk

is being an asshole about something, oh, he's being an asshole about the torpedoes. And Scotty is like, dude, I'm telling you, like, these things are crooked. Don't let them on. You know, and Scottie winds up resigning. Oh, right. Yeah. And Kirk is like, hey, you've been

like shadowing Mr. Scott or whatever. Now you're the new chief engineer is what happens in that movie temporarily. So they give him like something more to do besides just like navigation or whatever. I will say I love the look and design of the teleporting in this, the little circle. I thought the little circles

is a really visually arresting way to do that. Now here's my question because I couldn't remember, they don't have it look well obviously in Picard it's different because it's the future so it's clearly like different beaming technology

but like Discovery is kind of supposed to be close to this. Does the beaming look the there? Or is it just these three movies we're using this cool beam design? Because I think it's awesome. I don't know. I don't remember. I haven't seen much. Yeah. All right. More to come

on that. So whatever. They're like going around. Now Pike is full on captured. Spock is full on the captain. And this is when they they've disabled the things. They can start beating people off. But uh-oh.

Someone needs to get to the Vulcan High Council because they're in an area with out cell service, typical boomers. So Spock has to go himself to get them. What was this called? I'm sure it's like it's important to their religion or something. It was called like the catchers craw or something. Yeah, whatever nonsense.

It's an area where there's a bunch of enormous statues of Vulcan that could, Vulcans that could fall and cripple people. Yeah, they're in the Lord of the Rings set right now. We've got to get them out of there. Yeah, pretty much. So Spock shows up. He's like, hey everybody. the planet's going to die.

Stop praying or whatever the fuck you're doing. Let's get out of here. And yeah, this temple collapse, man. There is a couple of Vulcans that just get squashed like ants. It's kind of great. It actually reminded me of an old movie childhood trauma. I remember the first time I saw the original King Kong as a little kid. There's one shot of like when Kong is like going crazy on the island and all of the crew and the native people are running away from.

him and he fucking steps on this one guy and you see this guy like, and it happens in this like 1933 little sci-fi adventure movie. I just remember being like, holy God. That monster fucking crushed that person and I saw it.

That's terrifying. And like this, the same thing, that fucking thing fell down. I was like, that just crushed that poor man. I think there was a few moments when I was a child that I was just like, whoa man, they're fucking killing people for this movie. We're fucking killing people for this movie.

We're snuffing them out. I can't believe it. They shot a man. There's another dude that gets crushed by a rock too, which is awesome. There's like a hallway caves in and this one guy's like, no, but I did it. And all right, let's beam the Vulcan High Council out there. Okay, everybody get on a precarious area, okay?

Really important. Is everybody holding hands? Is everybody holding hands? It's important. Mom, could you get close? closer to the edge, please. Thank you. I'm surprised there wasn't a line.

Like, I need to take one last look at the splendor of Vulcan. Yeah. See, and that, I mean, and that's... Spocky, I need to get a picture of it. Hold on. I mean, not getting a picture of it, but lesser movies would have kind of, like,

maybe she would have some line about, like, I can't believe this is the last time my eyes will ever... No, no, no, no. Come on and hold me while I look over the edge of the grand camera. Canyon, Spark. All right, I'm going to lean over it.

You hold my hands, my arms behind me. Nah, you're getting too close to the edge, Ma. Ma! Oh, she always fucking does this mar. Ma, get away from the edge. You're ruining another vacation here. Oh, they're at like the Vulcan Grand Canyon, I guess, was the joke. Anyway.

So, yeah, they all try to beam out, and then the ground slips out from under Amanda, I believe her name is. Yes. And you see Winona just fucking drop. Real bummer, man. I fucking love her in everything. Sure. And I was like, ah, she's dead. It's a nice head fake because you would assume if anyone's going to get it, it's Sarik.

But oops, it's the famous lady. Well, and it's also interesting, too, because in everything up all the way up to TNG, Spock's mother is alive and outlive Sarik as a matter of fact. See, the thing is like, if they showed Sarah dying, you're like, oh, I want to, okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this has like such a, it's more of a weight because it's like, oh, ma. I do love, I mean, it's a ballsy thing to destroy Vulcan in general. You know what I mean?

I remember, yeah, you're totally right, dude. That's a great point. I remember, like, watching this in the theater being like, holy shit, they're doing what in this movie? Wow. And you get around it because they save enough of them, so there can be more Vulcan ideas and stories, but Vulcan's fucking over with, you know? It's crazy. I mean, imagine there were 10,000. human beings left. Say, actually.

I mean, I would have defeated Idris Alba and beyond by being like, yo, dude, you know Vulcan is gone? Because he was like isolated. Yeah. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, we can be isolated together. I never thought about like that, but like really, like, this is the first time I've seen Winona Ryder in forever in a movie. I'm like, oh, she's already. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, she's gone already. And it's pre it's pre-stranger things, dude. It was a total tease.

you never knew when she was going to be back. Oh, and she's just a drunken black swan. Oh, damn it. Damn it. What did she like the burned out, like ex prima ballerina in that movie? Yeah, well, Vincent, whatever his name is, is X, I think. Vincal. Yeah, Ves Sal's excellent, I think.

I, you know, here's a thing. I am not in the business of rewatching Darren Aronofsky movies. And I don't know if that's like a thing I should or should not be doing. I mean, I rewatched a pie a little while ago. It's great. It's really cool. It's a cool. I rewatched the fountain during Quentin Times times and

it's fine. It wasn't as high rated as I expected. I thought it was better when I was younger, but then I see like, at least in the fountain, because I haven't rewatched any of his other movies in the fountain. It's just like Vice's role

is like nothing. That sucks. Yeah. That's interesting because I remember liking that movie well enough. And then actually I didn't even fucking see that Noah. Has he had a movie since then? Yeah, mother. Oh, right. I hated it. I loved it. I liked mother. I still haven't seen it. I liked mother. I disliked Noah. No one is the only Aronovsky movie I'm not crazy but almost everything else I'm pro on and I've seen more than once The wrestler is incredible

A great movie, yeah I just I never really go back to his movies And it's funny I feel like the one That I've gone back to the most Because it was that movie Sort of right when we were starting college A little before it was still in high school When it came out but like it just was that movie at the time

For like film I guess I should say fucking fucking white film boys. Requiem for a dream, man. I rewatch that movie, probably to my own detriment multiple times. Like, I had it on DVD. You know, I don't know.

I've definitely seen it a few times, but I couldn't imagine jumping back to that particular title. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'll have myself a little Aronovsky retrospective here in quarantine. Could be fun. The hell else am I doing?

Anyway, so yeah, Vulcan is destroyed. great shot of the Enterprise flying away from Vulcan. Really love it. And at this point, Nero has officially been deemed a war criminal. It's kind of interesting because this was something I sort of forgot about this movie. Tiny detail doesn't matter. But all of those Vulcan High Council people that they save remain on the Enterprise for like the rest of the movie. Like I forgot how much Serak is just floating around in this.

Oh, yeah, he's just puttering around. Oh, man. And you know that you are getting complaints like, do you have to warp so hard like it's upsetting my stomach can I get some Spock I know you're busy being captain and all but the toilet's

backed up in my quarters No dude he's like I am newly single and on a plane on a plane full of human women hello oh yeah I got to find myself a new wife to vaguely hate God and the other Vulcan people

are like that fucking human fetishist Fuck, I met a splendid young woman named O'Hara, and I am going to woo her. Dad, Dad. Oh, man, there's a fucking storyline. She had the young calf. Now she wants the old bull. Jesus Christ. I think that was from Stepbrothers.

I believe so. There's a great. Spock is doing a little. bit of a captain's log here. It's the first one you get in the series, which is great. Oh, oh, interesting. And it's, this is where we get the detail about like, oh, we're pursuing the war criminal Nero and, you know, only 10,000 Vulcan survived.

And he's got a fucking great line right here. He goes, I am now a member of an endangered species. Yeah. Fucking awesome. This is when Kirk is like, we can't rendezvous with Starfleet. It's going to be too late. We don't have enough time. We got to go after this guy or something, something.

and like I guess talking at a turn that's gonna get you abandoned on a planet like that's just yeah that's a bad one of the movie I'm kind of like wait why is he like why can he just go to the bring there is also a brief mention like Spock says that like we're now in an alternate reality our destinies have changed

if you die in the game you die for real but yeah he does the Vulcan neck pinch on Kirk and they abandoned him on a frozen plant it seems abhorrent just put him in like a sleep a delta vega really you couldn't even put him with the other like uh star fleet people there that's the thing dude scotty is on that planet dump him at the base my god no no no go get eaten

by a a red lizard stilt thing whatever the fuck that thing is yeah speaking of stranger things yeah the creature design is is pretty neat and i love how there's always a there's always a bigger monster that's a pretty great fucking visual in this movie uh When it's like, oh, there's little things coming after him, it looks like a little, you know, abominable snowman or something. This huge monster. This great big red, vainy dick comes after him. Something you'd, oh, you'd see a robot fight in a fucking Guillermo Datoro movie.

Starts coming brown. There is, so the thing here is, they, Nero has gotten away with Pike, and the whole thing is Pike, being a captain in Starfleet, has commands for all sorts of things, including codes to Starfleet's border protection grids which surround Earth. And the whole thing is Nero is going from Federation Planet

to Federation Planet, destroying them in an effort to get revenge for what happened to Romulus. So Kirk's whole thing is like, fuck you, dude, we cannot rendezvous with a fleet and figure out what to do because this guy is coming to Earth with the codes to take down the shield, and he's going to fuck that planet in the face until it's dead. And Spock thinks it's a bad idea to follow him.

And thus the dumping on fake hawk. And like Sulu had a note about how he wanted the warp engines to be arranged and he just kind of throws that away. It's like, I don't want to get abandoned on a planet. I don't know, fuck, I don't want to speak up. Captain Spock's a real son of a bitch. I guess that suggestion box will remain empty. So what, like, now Kirk comes across.

ambassador Spock who happens to be on the same planet he was left there by Nero to watch the destruction of Vulcan. Yes we get a big this is Spock does a mind meld with Kirk right here and it's loaded fucking Nimoy it's just

oh yeah it's fucking great I mean it played right here again when Kirk is like who the hell are you and he says I have been and always shall be your friend I wasn't crying but I was just like God damn it that's fucking great it was another thing that very easily, I could have stopped the movie

for me and it doesn't. And that's again, to, a credit to Abrams more than anything, I think. I mean, Nimoy brings it though. Also, I mean, Nemois's great. Like I said before, I went through the black hole. The echoey, black hole. I love it. There is a great

like, like, the meeting of the two eras of Star Trek here happens where fucking Leonard Nimoy goes, I am Spock, and Chris Pine responds with bullshit. Yeah, it's It is a great bullshit. I also love the, he's kind of an Obi-Wan Kenobi-esque figure here.

Sure. He's like waving him off with a torch, waving off the monster with a torch. It's like, ah, yes. Snow people will always come back in greater numbers. Snow people. Help me burn these little people. Get all of these little things into a pile and then I'm going to set them on fire. You shall learn the way.

of Starfleet if you're to come to me to Earth. There's a thing where Spock is like, you know, yeah, yeah, I know Nero, because he is a particularly troubled Romulan. It's pretty cool. I mean, again,

I think he's really great. I think this is a fun. And it's cool. I mean, like, all of the alternative timeline stuff is fun here. And we're really playing with it, wherein like, that version is never going to happen now. And he's kind of aware of that, too. Well, that's, so that's the thing is like, you know, it still happened in like that alternate reality or whatever.

And I was reminded yesterday that way back when we were doing some episode of Making It So, where they were talking about, you know, the whole Picard trying to help that rescue mission for Romulus to get all these Romulins off because the star was going supernova. but someone pointed out back then that that Romulus star destruction incident is the same one that's being referred to in this movie. I don't know if that's accurate or not. I can't tell you. I mean, I guess it's because it's the same timeline that they jump from too, but it just gets too sticky for me and I just can't. Yeah, I mean, because the time, like the age of Spock sort of works for that, you know what I mean?

but like in that I mean obviously they hadn't written Picard yet so you know you don't know what it's supposed to look like but in that instance there's when when you see the star goes supernova and you see Romulus sort of blow up like there's no there's clearly no like rescue effort

happening there's no ships around or anything so someone pointed that out months ago when we did that episode and I don't know if it's true or not I can't make sense of these fucking things but I think I think it is a little bit of a coincidence that In both instances, in around the same time, in the same timeline, the star in the Romulus solar system is imploding. If this is to suggest I'm going to get Eric Banna as Nero, like somehow in Picard, I would be very happy.

But otherwise, I'm not interested in the yet. You're totally right, Kevin. Let's figure it out for season two. You got the whoopster on board. We wanted John Delancey, and now we want Eric Banner. Anna back. So, yes, the whole thing is instead of Picard trying to do

some rescue effort, Spock makes a promise to these Romulins that he's going to save them and this whole red matter device that he has, you know, is going to absorb the exploding star and just turn it into a black hole. And while he's trying to do this, the star unexpectedly goes supernova

and it destroys Romulus while Spock was on his way to do the thing. My bad. Sorry, everybody. I stopped at space chilies just for a nice meal. How was I supposed to know it would blow up so fast? Look, it was $1.99 southwestern potato skins. Listen, if I knew it was going to blow up that quickly, yes,

when I have not stopped at that chili absolutely Nero. But you've got to give me an oopsie on this one. I also caught a movie on Ridgel 7. It was funny, but what happened to Romulus was not. In my defense, I got Chili's Express to go. Curbside pickup. I will never drive past a location that's offering coconut Thai shrimp. Or whatever they serve at those places.

Southwestern Eggroll was what I was trying to think of. God damn it. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, those are disgusted. I think any egg roll that's not just an egg roll is fucking disgusting. You're probably right on that. Why are we putting things in egg rolls? Just, you know, an egg roll is a very specific and delicious thing.

Let's keep it what it is, guys. Cabbage, carrots, bits of pork. Get the fuck out of here. So back on the ship, great exchange between Bones and Spock, where Bones says, you don't leave your prize stallion in the stable. And then Spock's got a great line. Well, a curious metaphor, because of a. stallion must first be broken until it reaches its full potential.

It's so great he just throws it back to bones and bones says, oh, well, God, damn it. And then at the end of this scene, under his breath fucking bones, racist, to the two of his bones says green-blooded hobgoblin. Yeah, dude. Hobgob-goblin? That's a tough one, dude. It's true to the character, but woof. But, yeah, it's nice.

It's a good moment. There's a great moment after the whole flashback thing. well I mean the the devastating part is watching the shots of Leonard Nimoy like looking up as Vulcan gets destroyed is fucking tugging on the heartstrings really great and then so they're like all right well we got to get to this outpost you know let's get going and Kirk asks like something about like you know Spock's timeline or whatever and he says you know oh did I know my father in the timeline or did you know my father or something and he He says that, in fact, he did, and that in that timeline, Kirk's father lived long enough to see him become captain of the Enterprise, which is interesting. George, George Kirk was a real pussy hound. He ended up leaving your mother, kid. I don't know what else to tell you. You don't have a ton of half-brothers to worry about. That's pretty good. He eventually succumbed to syphilis.

I had a half-brother once. His name was Cybock. Anybody remember that shit? No. Okay. Moving on. I wonder what Sybok's up to in this timeline. I guess we'll never find out. He's Cyrax for Mortal Kombat.

Oh, there he is. So, yeah, this is what they meet up with Simon Peg. They get to the Federation Outpoke post, and oops, there's Simon Pegg. And Deep Roy as a cute little lovable alien. Oh, yeah. Love Deep Roy is this little guy here. This station has serious Saw-Haw. Always.

They're all tinted green. What the fuck is with this? Somebody turn the lights on. Just turn the lights on. It's supposed to be the shittiest outpost, right? Because he transported a dog that he basically murdered a dog in college, Scotty. Is that what happened? Yeah, it was like the, I guess the head of the academy's dog.

The crusty old dean for lack of the better. Exactly. That's the thing is the college. It's all there. It's all there. Oh, you'll pay. Just don't think you won't pay. And then he's complaining about the food, about like the Starfleet protein nibs is all the food there is.

There's your fucking Applebee's riblets, dude. The thing about, yeah, the dog thing is funny because they're talking about the trans warp beaming theory that I guess at this point, Scotty has been like kind of playing with but hasn't really figured out yet all the way. And he's like, oh yeah, I tried it on that dog. And Kirk is like, oh yeah, I remember that dog. What happened to that dog? and he's like, I'll let you know when I find out. Is this the only Star Trek to have the capable, like I don't remember it from any other property

of beaming onto another ship while it's in warp? I think this movie introduced that. It's a little cop out. I think he's lying. I think it was the monkey and the fly situation. Oh, definitely. Just went missing. Yeah, didn't turn inside out or nothing.

Just went missing. I don't know where that dog is. Oh, gosh. fucking buried under a tree on campus somewhere, you think? Yeah, exactly. The incinerator, wherever it is. Yeah, so, well, and that's actually the funny thing is, we're told Scotty believes that he has been put in that outpost position by Starfleet

as punishment for theorizing about the TransWarp properties. Like, they were like, you're playing with some sticky shit here, buddy. Yeah. We don't want any of that. We're going to take you away from the research facility. and you're out here on Hoth 2. What the fuck is this, the crucible? Like, why are you banning people?

Because he thinks that this might happen? It's your classic, you know, because you never see the other side of this. It's always like, you know what, by the end of the day, I want that guy, Pennyless, and I want him, you know, in the weirdest Federation outpost that we have. And this is what happened. You get to see it. You totally get to see it for once, and it looks like it sucks. But, yeah, so they're like, well, we can get back.

back on the enterprise if we do this trans warp thing. So we'll, you know, give that a go. He's like, why haven't made it yet? And this is when Spock is like, hey, man, why don't you take this fucking sticky note? Just look at this really quick. These crimp notes I made for you. You know, it's all science fiction, so none of it makes sense. But I appreciate the line of like Simon Pigby being like, huh, I never thought to think of space as the thing that's moving.

Right. Yeah. So it's kind of nice that we actually get an attempt to explain the science, even though it's all hogwash. It's fun. Totally. I bet I do love when Kirk is like, oh, so you're, you're messing with the timeline, giving stuff that we wouldn't have. Isn't that cheating?

And he's like, I learned that from my friend, who was a real son of a bitch. Oh, right. Yeah, a trick I learned from an old friend. Who was a real fucking bastard when it came to stuff like that. He had people take his SATs for him. His name was Donald Trump. The amount of times that I thought about killing. James T. Kirk in the original

timeline, you wouldn't want to hear it, brother. I fantasized about your death often. And now, you know, James T. Kirk was a great man, a life that I will deprive you of. Well, I love

how, so Kirk dies in the ribbon, the Nexus. Right. And Spock dies on this alternate. Neither of them die in their own timeline, like in a reasonable way. It's kind of Yeah, I love it. I mean, the thing is, I wonder what exactly Picard said went on on that planet.

Yeah, great question. Do you think he came back and he was like, you're never going to fucking leave this number one? Guess who the fuck I found? So I was there with Napoleon having fun. Like, it's like such a mythic figure that it's like bullshit. Oh, I was in a phone booth with James T. Kirk, Billy the kid. So crates. Now the thing is

like, yeah, I just, I wonder about that because there was something, oh, it was that episode of TOS we watched recently where that fucking little, the little cloud and the guy were living together on the planet. And the guy was, oh, it was Zephrm Cochran

and he had been presumed dead. Yes. And then he was like, please don't tell anyone how I live. Yeah. I wonder if that, like, because like, Kirk never specifically says anything, but I wonder if McCard was just like, you know what, maybe I just say that I killed Malcolm McDowell myself. I'm not going to fucking get into it, man. I would leave it alone, man.

Yeah, exactly. You know, one metal is better than two. No post-humorous metal for that piece of shit. But it's also like, you know, Kirk has been presumed dead for years. They thought he fucking fell off the back of the Enterprise B. That whole thing went down at the beginning of that movie. Like, I'd leave it at that because otherwise you're the dude who then, like, found Captain Kirk, but then also let him

die again? I don't know. I feel there's too much pressure there. We got to do generations. Maybe next year. Oh, yeah. So Scotty beams both himself and Kirk back onto the Enterprise. There's a fun little scene where Scotty's

stuck an event. You know, it's something. And Pegg is fun in this series. I like him. Yeah. He's totally fun here. Yeah, he's stuck in like the water systems or something. He's going through all these pipes like Mario. Oh, old Spock also gives Kirk some cheat codes. Say something about regulation

619. I'm such a nerd that I memorized them all and that I'm emotionally compromised. My planet was just destroyed. There's no way that I should be captain and also I should never be captain. Listen, listen, here's the deal. Blackmail him with his fetish

that only I know about. Like hell of him I know where he puts the brown stuff. Look, just he'll know what I mean. Look, like I said, there's just all these feelings that you're going... I'm going to want to murder you. Like, put a knife in you. So just push me, buddy.

And as long as that happens, I'll try to kill you. Fuck around and find out. So they are found in engineering. They're captured by Cupcake, who's like just Enterprise Security now. It's a fun little call back to that guy. Yeah, totally. Come with me, Cupcake. Yeah. So they go to the bridge.

Kirk just starts fucking with Spock immediately. Sorry about your dead mom. Yeah. Right. He tries to work up his emotion. So now it gets to the point where Spock is like strangling him to death. And then Seric is just like, Spock, I told you to fix my toilet. Dude, Seric, that's actually funny because Seric yelling Spock in that moment, I wrote down as a funny delivery.

Because he's just like, Spock, you're embarrassing me in front of the rest of the high council. My girlfriend, O'Hur is here. my girlfriend dad you're not dating my girlfriend god so spock relieves himself of command uh kirk becomes captain and it's kind of a hilarious thing where they're like the fuck do you mean you become captain and they're just like

oh by the way before he was captured by Eric Benna uh yeah Pike just made him first officer oh man that'd be that'd be so because Cupcake is still on the bridge at this point he must feel like pretty embarrassed that like No, no, he's the boss. Yeah, totally. He's going to get fired. He knows it.

Oh, man. My boss heard me talking shit behind his back. I'm going to get fired. Well, they took Scotty out of that base. I say beam cupcake down there. Yeah, he can start eating the protein pellets, right? Yeah. Well, he's the first one

on the planet when they go to, like, look for the poison cloud monster. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean, so that's, you know, that we sort of like, Kirk makes the decision, man, like we're going to go after Eric Banna. We're going to get the rest of this movie over with. Yeah.

So like Pavlov Adreadvich comes up with a plan of hiding behind Saturn's Ring, like Titan, the moon of Titan. Like being near Saturn's Ring would throw off Eric Banna's sensors enough that we can get the drop on it. Which is pretty rad. I like that kind of sneaky shit. I like that there's several times in this movie where it's like the core gang is kind of like huddled around coming up with ideas and like the movie sort of drops

into a couple of those conversations like midway through. This is one of those where you know you see Anton Yeltsin's like doing some equations and then he's like, whoa, well, we like and he like comes over and he's like, you know, oh hey guys, I have the plan for the movie.

Yeah. Oh good. We were trying to think of it. It's kind of cool how quickly you think Spock would need to lay down for a little while after that but he's back pretty quick just to like back up Chekhov's point. and then says like I should go on De Niro's ship since Vulcan and Romulan have similarities I could access shit quicker and I could help steal that fucking ship. Don't they, doesn't, uh, Sarah have a nice scene with Spock which he kind of convinces him a little

bit like, you know, something something. I don't know what I don't remember the specific but I know that there is a little bit of something there. Yeah, it's, I don't, I don't know if it's around here, but he does have a thing and it's like stuff to do with like his mother and everything. because he's like, you know, because he's basically like, hey man, here's a little Vulcan secret. It's kind of sometimes cool to be emotional.

You just can't tell anybody about it. Because he's like, when you asked me earlier, you know, why I loved your mother and I fucking told you it was for work. I was lying to you. I actually,

I married your mother because I love her, you know. And that cat is not a monster. I was just dog tooth of you. Sorry about that. that boy, I was dog-toothing you back there. A little Vulcan dog-toothing never hurt anyone.

You don't have to run away from airplanes. Don't do that. Oh, man, we're about to get back to Nero ship, and there was something that I wanted to mention during the Christopher Pike torture scene that I forgot. What was very weird, and this is what's great about, like, the sets of this movie is in that torture sequence, for some reason, the floor is just water.

Oh, yeah, what is the leak that he's got there? I don't know, but it's cool. I think it comes back a little bit here, but then we get the other parts of his ship, and there's just these huge decks that you could jump to because Romulins are great at jumping, I guess. I mean, I would like some railings, please. It's a bit, especially if we're doing a lot of mining.

This thing's going to rattle a bit. Let's get some safety railings. You're not man enough to be on a Romulan mining rig, boy. You don't last 10 seconds on this Romulan mining rig. Oh, I definitely. wouldn't, dude, because I don't speak the language and I'm a huge coward. Romulan Sadak, why aren't you jumping to the next hallway? It just seems really high.

If I miss, I will be dead. Oh, is this because of your human mother? That's part of it. Fuck you for saying. Now I have to fight you. You mentioned my mother. Oh, no, I'd be like, all right, whatever you say, Romulan, you're the boss. The Vulcans have the science academy and the Romulans have the jumping academy.

It seems like you'd be really bad for your knees. Just jump. Everyone's wearing Stone Cold Steve Austin knee bracy. I got to tell you, man, I've been watching a lot of that Stone Cold Steve Austin challenge show. Oh, really? Yeah. On Pluto? Yeah, I've been watching a lot of it on, but I've been watching it.

Get on that hill. Go on. Oh, wow. We got ourselves a real fucking firebrand right here. You get up there, boy. You push that. pile of metal junk up to, like there's a fucking, there's an obstacle course or like a challenge on that show where like, you just have to move garbage. Sure. Like you're in, you're in like a, like a dump and you have to move like big heavy metal pieces of garbage. All right. Now, get after

it. Do my laundry. We are doing a lot of things here at the fucking broken skull ranch or whatever it is. His commentary is just so hilarious because it's just like, yeah, Do it. Get out of you. Now you got it. Up that hill. Up, get up that hill. Here's my kitchen.

Why don't we do the lunch prep for me this week? Come on. Make a salad in a jar. Come on. Yeah. Cut those zucchini. Come on. The only reason I mentioned it at all is because you said stungled Steve Austin neck

knee braces. And it reminded me of, man, like he is just kind of hobbling around these days. I mean, yeah, it's bad for your knees to get fucking dropped a million times by Cain and or the Undertaker. No, I know. but I just think like, you know, he probably would be in, because he is, he's a charismatic dude, he seems like an all right guy. He probably would have been in more movies, but like, he can't be running around in these movies. He's making money other ways. Have you seen that he's got a beer?

No, he's got his own beer? Yeah. Broken Skull IPA. Oh, wow. It's kind of shocking. Stone Cold Steve Austin drinking IPA. You know what's funny too is I was like, this is stupid. in the store. I was like, I'm not buying that. And then I saw someone else tell me it was actually good. Oh, I don't know. Keep my eyes peeled for the broken skull IPA. Anyway, Star Trek 2009. So they just kind of, and it's like now Kirk and Spock are in it together. They're going to go and you know, you don't know really the full movement of the plan, but step one is get on

the ship, which they do. And there's a funny bit where Scott is like, oh, I'm going to set you to the cargo bay. No one will be there. And of course, they're in a room full of Oh, right. This shouldn't be a soul inside, he says. A lot of two huge shootout. And the shootout's fun. I like the way the phasers look. I don't think we see a tricorder in this film, which bothers me a touch. But, you know, no, we don't. We have communicators and we have the blasters. Yeah. The phasasers. Yeah. You know why? Because we don't they don't need a tricorder. They need a do quarter. Because they're, well, maybe the timeline. Anyway. Did they have. leaving. AOL door closed sound effect. I can say is this written by Mike Rowe? Oh, God. What was I going to fucking ask about that, though, with the regard to what we're going to get after that question.

Roll that question up a hill. Did they get? You're doing it now. Did they? He said, hold on, out of curiosity. You have to watch it. I'm just curious about the Broken Skull Red show. Is it like a soundboard?

like, where in, like, Stone Cold Steve Austin, like, does the intro like, all right, this is going to be a crazy challenge, you got to roll this up. And it's like, I don't know, just loop it. Loop the language. Yeah, yeah, get it. Yeah. Yeah, get it. Go on up there.

Except they do at least cut to, like, he's there actively watching all of the competitions. Got it. So he's like not in a booth somewhere. Like, he is just there. But I think, like, he's just, you know, it's like, remember in Sphere when Queen Lativ was like, it's just. just so beautiful. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Or whatever that is. Like, it's kind of just like he just repeats

himself constantly. Did you hear about the sphere TV show coming? I did. Yikes. Yeah, that's something. Don't go near that sphere. I will say you're welcome America. Yeah. Yep. We did it. We did it. Oh, man. So they're fighting on Nero's ship. Eventually Nero comes down and confronts Kirk and it's great dialogue. they give Banna in this movie. Like, the whole, like, I recognize your face from Earth's history. James T. Kirk was a great man. A life I will deprive you of.

Kind of interesting. Pretty great, dude. I mean, it's fucking awesome. There is a great line. I think it's a spark line where he goes, unbelievably, sir. Or no, is it? No, I don't remember.

This might be a checkoff line. I got to fucking credit these people. Someone says, unbelievably, sir, the ship is in position. which is a very funny line. I don't remember who said it, but it's around here is the whole idea. There's a weird thing where I love Nero

has Spock's ship is still on his ship. There's a really cool scene of like Spock and Kirk walking onto that ship, but they don't know what the ship is or whatever. And then Spock just starts talking and it's like, welcome back, Ambassador Spock. And at this point in the film,

he doesn't know that Kirk has found old Spock. So he's like, the fuck did that computer just say? And Kirk's like, nothing. I mean, it's got to be so weird for Spock. Not only is his planet destroyed, but at the start of the movie, also when Nero first communicates with the Enterprise, he mentions Spock.

And he's like, we're not, I don't think we've met, sir. Yes. Oh, right. Yeah, totally. And then like these little details keep coming in. You know, he's like, Spock says right here's a computer.

You know, when was this? Starship Commission and the computer's like 2387 commissioned by the Vulcan Science Academy and it's this crazy like oh fuck that's years from now and Vulcan doesn't exist anymore what is this computer telling me

like it's a great little like Spock getting information and kind of figuring out what's going on I guess now he starts trying to escape with that ship and he starts shooting his way out of Nero ship yeah I like this ship design too It's a little jet city.

It's kind of like, it's supposed to be the fastest ship that Vulcan ever built. Oh. To get to the supernova in time. Turns out it sucks. A Vulcan testeroza. Yeah, I mean, it was not fast enough as it turned out. Kirk, did you leave these pot stickers here? No, but you might have.

This is my first time being in. Oh. Oh my God. someone else in the galaxy likes my coconut tie shrimp. So while this is all happening also, Nero drops that fucking drill down. And it is like, it's kind of funny because like,

of course it lands in San Francisco. Sure. You know, of course it lands mere feet from Starfleet headquarters. Like, he's trying to stick it to him, dude. If you want to stick it to them,

you want to go right in their fucking front yard, dude. I guess that's totally true. I didn't think of that, but yeah, it's just an added fuck you to everything. I do love... I kind of love how... So, yeah, you know, Nero gets the planetary defense systems

from Pike, but really, this could... Like, you can't... There's no fucking fighter jets or something. Everyone's like, shit, what are... Well, guess you do nothing. There's no human defense system other than that, I guess.

Right, yeah, like, what else is the planetary defenses? And it's funny because, like, you'd think, that's a great point, Steve, because you think if there was ever a time in Star Trek to have something like that, it's here because this movie kicks off all three of these movies, two most specifically,

deals with like the militarization of Starfleet and like that whole side of it. And like, it is touched on here and there. Like I think there is something in, it's in part two also. It's when, oh, it's when, Scott, he's about to resign and he's like, aren't we fucking explorers? Like, what is going on?

Like, what are these weapons? And like that whole thing. So you would think, right, if we're doing like kind of fucking military industrial Starfleet, that there would be some sort of like, oh, firing now from all seven continents, you know, some sort of planetary defense. It's a laser thing. Instead, Earth is just caught with his pants down. Yeah, true.

And the interesting trajectory of this franchise going into the route of militarization. of Starfleet. I first thought was like, oh, well, this is not really Star Trek when I was watching it back in the day. Rewatching all of it, I'm like, well, I mean, what do you expect when Vulcan is gone and it's just human shitheads calling most of the shots? Yeah, totally. I mean, because, like,

they don't really have any other heavy hitters that Klingons have not joined the empire yet. That's not till much later. So it's like, now, yeah, humans just left with their own devices. Well, guess what? Peter Weller has a huge fucking gunship in the next movie. So, yeah, you know, so Spock fucking takes off.

Young Spock takes off in the ship. Nero starts chasing him. Right. He was fighting with Kirk, and then he, I think he leaves Kirk to try to stop this ship or something. And then Clifton Collins Jr. starts trying to kill Kirk. Yes. And he's doing a very good job of it until Kirk goes, mac, mac, and he goes, what? He goes, I got your good.

And he just shoots him in the heart, which is kind of awesome. And he falls over a fucking railingless fucking. platform, which again, guys, let's figure it out. You got to baby proof these fucking mining ships, man. A little something. All these platforms. He gets his moment in the sun with this Kirk fight because he's got some great moments of like mustache twirling of like, your species is so weak.

Oh, look, you can't even talk. Yeah, yeah, totally. He's taunting him. It's pretty great. It's a good Clifton Collins Jr. Performance, you know? Absolutely. They're out there.

He is a guy who is totally great and just one. winds up in garbage. He's the temperature of the room. If the movie is shitty, he will twist a mustache and be shitty in it. If it's a good movie, he's going to be great in it. You know, he's just that guy. Totally right. So what Kirk then finds Pike, and then they do like three beams at once for both Pike and Kirk and then Spock in the ship who's now ramming Nero ship.

But this is where we get the Fire Everything line. Yeah. Yes. Oh, the Fire Everything. It's fucking awesome. It's so awesome to fire everything And yeah

So what has happened here Is Spock has Activated the Red Matter And then You know Does the same George Kirk Comakazi mission here This poor Romulan shit man

All these Kamakazi attacks Well I mean these people have Are now the responsible They're responsible for the deaths Of billions of Vulcans So yeah I guess it evens out Yeah Uh

I'll tell you man All these fucking people Are followed over those railings when they get rammed. Oh, that's true. Not those railings. Sands railings. So, yeah, I mean, the thing goes off, creates a black hole inside the ship.

I mean, what a way to go, man. But it's also like a super black hole because we've seen traditionally this thing is like a little droplet gets you a black hole. This is like, you know, the whole fucking thing. Right. This is Charlie's whole tank of corn syrup. Yeah, I mean, I would just, if I was doing, if I was check off, I would double check my math that I don't destroy the universe. Well, and it's fascinating, though, because then it's like, this thing fucking goes off. And they're like, oh, fuck, it's so big.

Now we're stuck in it and we can't get out. First, they hail Nero to see. Like, Kirk is like, maybe I should offer them assistance. Maybe it would give us a way to breach peace one day with the Romulins or something. And Spock is like, I don't think so. Not this time. I'm not really into the logic of this. We should let him die.

And my, this is a line I was saying around the house all day yesterday. Oh, nice. To your cat. Yeah, to what? To your cat. Yes, that's right. Or his wife, anyone who would listen to him say Star Trek lines? I said to my cat, I'd rather die in agony than take existence from you.

Yeah. Yeah. That is, it's another great fucking banal line, dude. And at that point, I think, like, he's got to be the only person left alive on that ship. You kind of want one more big Eric Bannis scene in this movie, although it would slow the movie down, et cetera, et cetera. I think the movie's got enough to do without him. And I think he makes his mark,

but I just wish there's maybe one more little moment. Yeah, I just don't know where you would put it. I agree. I think it was that deleted scene in him and Klingon prison. Yeah, that's a critical. He kills like five Klingon. The Klingons are trying to torture him because they know he's from the future and they want to get all the information of what's going to happen and how to stop the Federation.

Tell us who wins the next six Super Bowls. You will tell us. You will bring me gray sports almanac, human. Two Spock's with the same. Definitely, man. I think I need another like stately scene between Spock and Nero. because they're seen when he's like explaining why I don't like you it's like I think they're not even in the same room I think it's over the thing I'm like I need them in the same room talking to one another that might be more theatrics would be good also by the way in the Klingon scene is where he gets the brain worm thing that he's that he uses on Pike because the Klingons were going to use it on him is that the same thing from part from Rath of Khan I believe so but that's an ear thing this is a mouth thing

Oh, we're doing mouth stuff in this. Yeah, we're doing bad stuff, but the other one's in ear stuff. That's, you know, that's interesting, actually, Steve. Now that you say that, you're totally right. And I recall thinking at the time yesterday, when Nero is explaining to Pike, like, what the thing is or whatever, he's like, yeah, it's going to latch on your brainstem and make you crazy or whatever. I was like, okay. And then it goes in his mouth and I was like, wait. So how's it?

I guess it's going to shoot through the esophagus, dude, and get in there. It's a much worse, actually. But that's what I'm saying, though. In this movie, when Kirk finds Pike, you know, Pike is just like, oh, it's Kirk, there you are. And I was like, wait, something burrowed through the back of your throat, your gums, you know, unless it goes in the mouth and then up the sinus to the brain, maybe. But I think something's just digging around in that guy. And he's got holes he doesn't even know about. You know, you got to give him a physical just to make sure.

Yeah, you gotta have bones look that dude over top to bottom. So, yeah, now we can't get away, and there's a thing wherein we're going to eject warp cores to give us some space. It's another fun Scotty scene, you know. Oh, yeah, it's your classic Star Trek. What if I just reroute the... Yeah, that'll save us. Okay, perfect. Let's throw more explosions into this black hole.

I'm just thinking, like, is this going to Caveman Times? Is there another fucking timeline that's getting fucked over? It's a great question, dude. This is how the DuckTails universe. starts, okay? This is it. Yep. You're not wrong, dude.

This is the beginning of Duckburg. You send one Romulan back to Caveman Times. It fucks a duck, dude. Here we are. We got Scrooge McDuck.

I'd rather die in agony than not swim in gold. I don't know. There is two, neither of them work. I mean, the Southern Penguin's fine. the, I'm giving it all shit, got Captain, it's that's the one you're waiting for

and there is a, and I think it's not great, even though I love Carl Urbanus bones, somewhere in the middle of the movie is like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a doctor bit and it's just a little not fantastic, if I remember properly. It's, yeah, I mean, it's fine, but there's a better, like... Or I'm a doctor, not a whatever.

Yeah. Yeah, but there's a better one where he's about to use profanity and gets cut off by the beam. Yes. because he's like, I'm a doctor, not a sh, or something, you know, or, you know, he's about to say like shitty or god damn. It's clearly a cutoff profanity. Yeah. And he, like, it's beamed away.

I thought that one was okay. I think the Scotty one works. The Scotty one works also because they don't pay it too much attention. Sure. Because he's also, I remember it explicitly, like, he's running across the frame. There's explosions happening. The camera's kind of going all over the place. And he just kind of, in that moment, is like, I don't have the power anyway.

You know, it's not as pronounced as the bones. I'm a doctor, not a fucking whatever, sex therapist. So they win the day. They get away. And now Kirk is a, is promoted to captain forever because, I mean, he did save the world and the entirety of Starfle. You got to give that guy something. Yeah, Tyler Perry's begrudgingly like, I remember like last week when I had you on trial for fraud. but yeah, you're a hero now, fine.

And Pike is back. He's in a wheelchair, which is, you know, very similar to, not similar, but like, it's a nod to the fate of Pike in the original timeline a little bit. Right. The island long thing. Yeah, honestly, though, Kelvin timeline, Pike, that's how I'd rather go out. Oh, you're kidding? He's still a totally, he's a person. He's on a fucking head with two lights on that.

Well, yeah. Well, I mean, and it's great to see Bruce Greenwood, you know, Pike's going to go home to his wife, Carlo Gino. And he's going to have a nice rest of his, you know, a little, some off time with her. Just a little off time until the sequel when he gets offed. His uniform is kind of like the motion picture colorization. Okay, good.

I was going to ask you, Steve, since you rewatch that more recently than I have. It's a very, yeah, there's a lot of those little nods in the costume in, which I really like. It's cool. I love the motion picture uniforms, man, because they look like fucking cult outfits. That's a, you know that funny enough about this poll? I don't think it would have swept the pole. I forgot to put the motion picture on there, but that's definitely going to be on this feed at some point.

Oh, yeah. Because I love the motion picture. It's cool. It's trippy. It is. It's got a confirmed pedophile on it, so it's not great, but it's got a... They all do. That's the problem, man.

Every fucking movie ever made is made by a cabal of pedophiles. Oh, man, fucking Qianonon on the line. This is when we break all the time cop rules because Spock meet Spock here. Come on. It is a- Don't fucking touch me. Also, by the way, lay off the goddamn candy bars. It'd be cool if they went, I'm old, I'm young. Oh my God, then they just faint. Yeah, yeah.

That would be fucking great. King of the castle, Lord of the Manor. Oh, he's from Vulcan. That's a place that was nothing for low-bows and zip-heads. whatever fucking weird shit they say in Back to the Future too. The slang for drug drug addicts. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's great.

It's a really nice scene. It's a roller. No, I am not our father. Idiot. He kind of has a great thing. Older Spock's logic here is great because he's like, it is the embarrassed thing of like, father, oops. No, I just called someone who's not my dad, my dad.

Oh, God. It's like Spock calling his teacher mom. It's embarrassing, dude. And it's great, though, because he's like, I am not our father, which is a fucking awesome line. But, like, his logic is pretty sound, actually. He's like, well, I realized there's not a lot of us left. So, yeah, I should probably introduce myself. And Spock is actually, a young Spock, is like, I obviously have to concern myself on Vulcan Matters.

Like, what if you could be in two places at once, most simplicity style? You run the business. I'll play golf and we'll both fuck Andy McDowell. All right. Meet three and four. Oops. I like chilis. I like the Thai shrimp and the egg roll.

And I'm the Spock from all the fan fiction. Because I'm gay. Yeah, that's what that is. And I'm Slash Spock. Number three, slash Spock. Yeah, no, it just, it ends really nicely. And I fucking love the give Mr. Nimoy the outro, the whole thing he gets, which is fucking great. I just, I really, I always have and still do appreciate the reverence that this movie has for that character.

Yes. And Leonard Nimoy. And this was not like, it wasn't a thing to drive ticket sales. It wasn't like a fucking hilarious cameo. like he's actually part of it. It's integral. It all makes sense. He's the reason. He's the catalyst for it. Yeah. I think it's such a cool tribute.

As opposed to the second one where it's like, oh, we're in a real jam. Better fucking, I swear I said I'd never do this again. Yeah. That's true. It's like, so you want to phone a friend. You're facing Khan and you want a phone a friend. Yeah, it's exactly right. Okay, was Khan a ruthless dictator? the ruler of a fan nation,

a band name. You want a phone a friend. Okay. AT&T has old Spock on the line, old Spock. Hello. Was Khan good or bad? The answer is bad. Fucking read the room.

I can't believe you wasted your phone a friend on this question. Hang up on him. Okay, bad final answer. All right. It's a bad final answer. There we go. I gotta get a million dollars. Now you're 100% sure about that?

You're 100% sure on that? Wow, you know what's crazy? The inspiration for both parts of this bid are dead. It's a ghostly bit. You're going to waste your phone a friend and you want to do the 50-50. Okay, we'll do the 50-50. Dude, do you ever see that a millionaire

where people would fucking strike out with two the helplines at once? In the 50-50, it's always like, all right, was Fred Flintstone, a caveman, the president of the United States, a quarry worker, or an alien.

Okay, let's do 50-50. Oh, President of the United States and alien are out, so it's just the other two. Obviously. Fucking obviously. Oh, mercy me. Yeah, that 50-50 was always bullshit.

It sucked. Yeah, fuck you, millionaire. Anyway, so this has been a particularly long episode of the Nexus. It has a little long. Well, but I'll tell you. I'll tell you why, though, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, if you looked at this runtime

and you were like, the fuck are they doing? Well, it is that, like Steve said at the top, we're recording this in late August. This is Friday, August the 28th right now. And this is the first thing that we've recorded since being on a little like two and a half-ish week break. So I feel like we're just, it's like getting together with friends, hang out of the first of a while.

Plus, we're talking about Star Trek. I mean, Jesus Christ. Yeah, man. You knew you weren't getting out of here before. dinner. But parting shots on this, I guess, is the way we'll go. Steve Seda, we'll start with you. Yeah, I love, I mean, like I said, you know, I saw it six months ago.

I was surprised how well held up. And I'm even more surprised that I was really won over by it at the same time six months later, which is kind of a short timeline to rewatch this movie. I really love what Abrams does really well here. And I think he does it really well in that first Star Wars movie. And a lot of his stuff, not the last one, because it's a total mess. it's big exciting action with high emotional stakes all the time. You know what I mean?

And they always, that's all over this movie. Like so much of like, you know, like, when Vulcan is exploding, you've got like the great Zoe Saldon and Spock stuff is happening. Like she's really emotional and brings like this real center to it. Like there's so much of that in this movie. It's really fun. And it's only two hours and nine minutes, which is about an hour shorter than this episode. So it's a real fun quick ride.

I love it. Period. Chris Cabin. Oh, yeah. I also love it. And what I love, I mentioned it earlier, clarity. J.J. Abrams brings clarity to big action movies, big action sequences. Like, I can follow this movie perfectly, even when there's a lot of wild, like, changes

of perspective and, like, velocities changing, literally. You know, it's probably my favorite Star Trek movie, if I'm being honest. Ooh, that's a dark. That's a deep touch. The tweets are coming, dude. Let them come. Let the tweets come. I remember Chris's opinions are his own.

Yes, they are. You do not reflect that of W.H.M. I'm pretty sure about that. I mean, first contact is up there as well. But I do think this is my favorite one. And yeah, I think Abrams only went bad as of Skywalker. That's when it went really bad. I think I agree with that.

I'm not going to like say everything these guys have just said, because I do think it's also a really good movie. I could see it being your favorite Star Trek movie. For me, it's probably like third or fourth, but like, or fifth, but I really do enjoy it thoroughly. And I think the cast is impeccable. I want more movies with these people. And I think Eric Banna is awesome.

And honestly, if they do pull Nero somehow into Picard, fuck, dude, I'm back on board on that show in a big bad way. Absolutely, man. I think, yeah, he is truly excellent here. I almost feel bad that I sort of feel like I undersold myself almost in my appreciation of this performance. It's a great villain performance. It's just straight up awesome. And I feel like going forward as, you know, if this movie comes up in conversation or something,

like I want to be sure to point that out because I feel like he's a guy that doesn't get enough credit. And he's done a lot of, you know, bad stuff just like everybody else. And like, whatever with that fucking Hulk movie. but like he's really great right here and i think it sort of gets overshadowed when you talk about he's kind of often the best part of the things he's in like he's great for hannah he's great in uh funny people like there's just stuff that pops up my mind that he's just really great he's just doesn't doesn't have a great agent it feels he he actually might be my favorite bruce banner i really like mark ruffalo but i love him in that role yes yeah he's doing a lot that's something

that's something i haven't seen like since it came out so i can't really it's We'll do it on one of our feeds just for Nick Nolte fighting a live wire. Oh, it has to happen. The other thing I want to say, just Steve, to your point about, or maybe it was Chris, just bringing the emotion into these things,

it's interesting because, like, if you want to point to an example of, you know, if someone's like, yeah, tell me why he's such a good director. Sure. You just, all you have to do is point him towards Mission Impossible Three. Because that movie is the only, it's the only,

one of those Mission Impossible movies where there's any kind of like emotional anything. People that are like now claiming two are better than three are just being react, they're just trying to be, they want a little attention. Well, two has come under some recent like re-evaluation. I know our friend of the show, Jamel Bowie, rewatched it recently, which inspired me to rewatch it. I separately rewatched it just oddly enough,

we're kind of going through those. And it's fun. It's more fun than I remember, but it's like, you know, just a big, it's a big silly action movie. and that's fine.

Well, it's also very specifically a Hong Kong action drama that's made with a bunch of people in Hollywood. Yeah. That they filmed in Australia. You know what I mean?

Like, it is so the stamp of the John Wu Hong Kong action cinema drama kind of thing. Who's the villain in that? That's, what's his face? Not Wolverine.

Dougray Scott. It's exactly not Wolverine. And in number three, we've got an all-timer Hoffman performance. Yeah. Therefore, three wins for me. Yeah, it's easily.

But, like, it's, like, because it's fucking Mission Impossible and it's Tom Cruise and, like, who's getting that emotional about anything? But that movie manages to do it with the tie to Carrie Russell and yada yada, anyway. You know, and I, yeah, just that fucking Rise of Skywalker, just what a, what a falling, what a fucking fall down a flight of stairs. Eventually, we'll have to go through the Mission Impossible movies. We didn't. We did it like these little on screens a thousand years ago.

I'm sure our opinions are completely different. And those were short. they were short things and they were just like quick re-evaluations before like Ghost Protocol came out. Yeah, so I'm game just to do it all, dude. Mission Impossible month. Totally be fun.

But anyway, yeah, you know, I really liked this and, you know, I did go through all three. I would say, I mean, it's probably a one, three, two situation for me. I don't really know. I will say just, and I'm not going to get into any details because this episode is long enough as it is, into darkness is better than people remember it for.

There's problems with that movie, but it's, there are things to like about it also. I agree. I think it's actually better made than Beyond. Beyond feels more like an episode of a potential show, which is what's cool about it. But I do think Interdarkness has a lot going for it, despite all of its problems, which I do acknowledge. Beyond has a better script. Into Darkness is better directed.

Yeah, that's perfect, actually. So let's cut it here. We got other stuff to do this afternoon. So we're going to cut it here for this episode of the December 9th. Nexus that we are recording in August. But thanks so much for continuing to be the loyal Patreon subscribers that you are. This is always really fun to end the year on doing a Star Trek movie.

So I'm already looking forward to next year's one, whichever one that may be. Steve, I think we may have to fucking rig the voting. But that's actually, I will say that is another quick thing. When it was decided that it was 2009 by you, the listener, I was like, all right. Yep. And then was pleasantly surprised. So thank you for picking this movie, everybody, is what I'm saying.

And until next month, when the Nexus rolls on back to our regularly scheduled programming, I'm Andrew Juppen. Stephen Sadek. Eric Cisker. Chris Cavan. Take it easy.