We Hate Movies - S16 Ep875: American Wedding (2003)

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

“Somebody pressed the More Stifler button too many times” - SteveOn the penultimate episode of the 2026 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza, we’re going back for another serving of defiled dessert as we attempt to break down the sex-crazed sequel, American Wedding! Why couldn’t the script bother to tell us what happened to the missing friends in the cast? And if folks are missing, why not give the MILF Guys some more to do? Would this movie have started stronger if we had a scroll or old man narrator to kick things off? Did Eugene Levy and Fred Willard have to have back surgery after carrying this movie for an hour and a half? And how did Bear get invited to the wedding? PLUS: Another exciting installment of the VHS Trailer Game! American Wedding stars Jason Biggs, Seann William Scott, Alyson Hannigan, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, January Jones, Molly Cheek, Deborah Rush, Fred Willard, Angela Paton, Eric Allan Kramer, John Cho, Justin Isfeld, Amanda Swiften, Nikki Ziering, and Eugene Levy as Jim’s Dad; directed by Jesse Dylan.This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money! Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney dot com slash WHM! That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey, y'all, before we get to today's episode on American Wedding, where we check back in with that pie fucker and his pathetically dwindling number of friends, just wanted to point out really quickly next week. You want to make sure you're subscribed to the top tier of our Patreon. That's right, the Craven tier, because next Thursday, the 30th of July, it's an all-new scaredy cats. That's right, we are releasing the next edition of our modern horror recap show. And we're talking about Evil Dead Rise. It's going to be a ton of fun. that's a really, really gory movie. We had a lot of fun talking about all the high-rise horror there within.

And also, by the way, just another reminder. We're coming up to it, folks. We're coming up to it just in a couple weeks. We're going to be out in Vegas at STLV, the world's biggest and most badass Star Trek convention, celebrating 60 years of Star Trek. And 10 years of our Star Trek recap show The Nexus. We're going to be out there for a three-night stand,

August 6th, 7th, and 8th talking Star Trek the wrath of Khan, Star Trek Generations and Star Trek First Contact. You do not need to have a convention pass to attend these shows. They are separately ticketed parts of the convention. So you can just come on out to Vegas, hit up those seafood towers you want to tackle, go to a tiki bar, make some bad decisions, hit up the Caesar Sport Book or something. And then come wash all your Vegas sins away as we perform three nights of our show,

The Nexus. That's right, the sixth, the seventh, and the eighth. Tickets are, of course, on sale now. head over to our website, w-h-mpodcast.com, to see how you can purchase those bad boys. All right, that's it. This bed is on fire with passionate love, y'all. It's American Wedding. Enjoy.

Oh, perfect. This week on the pod, we're finally watching the one where a character literally eats shit in American Wedding. I'm Andrew Juppen. Stephen Stifler, huh? Everybody? Oh, look at it. Look at it. That guy's a cut up.

Eric Finch. Gizangas, yeah, Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in a fine show. As always, if you're finding us for the first time because you're a massive American pie fan, this is a comedy show where you take a movie Good Bad or Otherwise and Kick It Around for a little bit. Yes, this week, American Wedding from 2003, directed by Jesse Dillon. And yes, he is Bob Dylan's older, balder son who directed this movie.

how high in 2001, this in 2003, and then the Will Ferrell, the terrible Will Ferrell, I'm a kid's soccer coach movie, kicking and screaming. Oh, listen, I think it's just very nice that the whole family is very creative

and they're all... Doing well. Oh, and those were his feature films, ton of music videos, but 2019, he went back to a future-length film, a documentary about George Soros. Wow. I would love to see the comments and the criticisms of that one.

I would love to see all the nice comments, I'm sure, after. If you just look down underneath, I'm sure they're great. I'm sure there's a conspiracy theory that Bob Dylan was famous because George Soros bought all the albums. Oh, that makes sense. This was the thank you. Yes, that was it. That was what happened. Thank you, George, for giving my son a career.

You know, you were saying American Pie super fans might be. cooning in for the first time. Yes, we covered the first two films, but I want to, like, where does this fit? Because there were ones I was forgetting about, so to go through them all right, it's American Pie. Yes. American Pie 2. Then we have American Beauty. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Hang on.

You get tripped. Nope, nope, you're getting tripped up. American Splendor, American Reunion, American sniper? No, that's not right. No, no. And I feel like we may have done this joke on the Part 2 episode as well. No, Eric, it's American Pie. American Pie, American Pie, American Wedding, American and American Funeral soon to be coming at

Dude, that's what it has to be. American funeral. Steve Stifler finally does what everyone's been waiting for and fucking ends it all. Or it's Eugene. We go to... Or it's Eugene Levy, like in the box, all cold? Fuck. I don't know.

No, Steve Stifler's funeral. I like him committing suicide. That makes a lot of sense for... I mean, like, it's a pretty grim situation he's got going on in this movie. But before we get too far into Steve Stifler's funeral, let's play Steve at stake in play real quick. Coming soon to theaters Look at that

Yeah It's the VHS trailer game That's right America's favorite game About obsolete materials This movie came out in 2003 Therefore You better believe there was a VHS

Of this son of a bitch Hell yeah You better believe this movie's obsolete You better believe it Eric Yes and we are This is the penultimate game Of the season

So there's going to be this one Steve Steve Steve Steve sorry Yeah you're right What did Bruce Dern think about Well, Hollywood legend, Bruce Dern once said that this game... I'm sure it's a game that four simpletons can play at one time. That is correct.

That is actually him, by the way, everyone. I don't know if people realize that. That is Bruce Dern insulting us. That's right. We paid him hundreds of dollars, and he did that. Res me, King, Razmi! Spit on me, Bruce. You could use the tip jar there.

That's right. I'll take my shirt off if you keep hitting the tip jar. Yeah, I don't know. love camming yeah camming from sun up to sun down i use a chip jar and i put the tip of my penis in it so you can rub it every once in a while it make me a little happier i'm giving him coins for that for after 9 p.m i turned into bruce dom actually you little picky fuck yeah punish me laura where's my gift mask sweetheart i'm cammin tonight somebody's got to help me put this leather on. It's not so easy these days.

Get a little sticky in here. Sweety. All right. More on Bruce Dom in a moment. But first we got to play the VHS trailer game, which we all know how it goes. Question of all. Do you have updated scores? I do indeed. Eric, you are in third place with 41 points.

Respectable 40. Nice. Very respected for 41 points. Chris is in second place with 43 points. So you are, you guys are neck and neck. I would say that matters, but it doesn't because Andrew has 64 points. But there's a lot of game left, a lot of little bonus stuff coming on.

So yes, it'll be this one and then there'll be one in August that we will do. I haven't decided which one will do. But we'll do one in August as we often do. On one of our live episodes that we will release in August. Yes, exactly. So you always got to listen to those live ones. For those bumpers are super fun. Not to say that the episodes aren't great, which they are.

Yes. So this is from the year 2003. I'm going to just jump in here. All right. Let me just make sure I can see everybody and cool. Okay. Round one. Game Masters Clue.

Paired with a star from the American Pie movies. This was a breakout role for an emerging action hero so much so the star had a hand. Chris Cabin. The rundown? It is the rundown for five big points so much so that a previous action star had a ham-fisted cameo passing the torch to him, which is... Don't even need it, baby. Don't even need it, baby. I know where you're going.

I know exactly where you are. For the folks at home. By the way, Tribune Trivia on the Rundown, which has to be an episode sooner than later. Oh, definitely. It was just amazing watching the... I just saw the trailer for that. The Rock had all this hair in it,

which is really something. It's his doom hair, yeah. It's fucked up. Oh, yeah. According to the trivia, the director commentary on the DVD, Christopher Wanken, had never seen Willie Wonka,

the Chocolate Factory. and therefore was reluctant to use the phrase umpalumpas in the final scene. Director Peterberg provided Walkin with a copy of the movie, and after watching it, Walkin decided to use the phrase. Wow. Wow, I thought it was something like a slur, but it's just dumb. Hey, Pete, is that like a mean thing to say about Filipino people or something? Where you're going tonight, Peterberg?

Somewhere where the umpalumpas rule. Two Mopalupas fell into a vat a cream. I never watched any Gene Wilder movies. That guy was a jerk. Possible. I don't know. I was always mad. He landed Gilda Radner.

Oh, dude. Wouldn't you be? 1970s New York? He was around. He was dancing around. Okay. She fucks him. She fucks Martin Short.

She doesn't fuck me. Show me how that makes sense. Okay, round two. Here we go. another star from the American Pie movies plays the surrogate for a very cancelled director and a very forgettable entry in his later filmography Oh Chris Gavin again

Anything else? It is anything else for five more big points That's right That's Woodrow Allen It is Woody Allen That was the early aughts and it's not good It's him It's Biggs and Christina Ricci I wonder if Jeff

made it to the premiere of this one. Because I know he liked, he liked to support his buddy. I guarantee you big Jeff Epp watch this movie. Maybe. Hey, Woodman, you hired the pie fucker for your latest movie, man. Oh, right. I have no idea how Jeff Epstein sounded. He would clean up at this game. Search his

he would. Search the Epstein files for Fandango. He went to the movies, man. Man like the movies. Man like the movies and the young ladies. Now, I only like the movies. Um. I put that on your tombstone. No, please keep going, Steve. There's a lot of differences

between Jeffrey Epstein and myself. So now it's the lightning round, and it's time to laugh again. This is all about comedy sequels. It's the second movie in a comedy franchise or the second and last movie, depending on what it is. But the number two in a comedy sequel thing.

I am going to give you the tagline and the year the statistical came out and the year the original film came out and you have to discuss the movie the way it's broken up by a dude so Eric is going to go first he's going to get four of them Chris will do four then Andrew will do four if that

if you get the full title with the subtitle and all that four full points if you give me the general idea like oh it's Ghostbusters 2 you know what I mean not Ghostbusters 2 here comes the ooze or whatever that's not there's no subject

I understand this man And this is not contained to 2003 anymore? No, not at all. I will give you, there will be years in this. That's two points. If that person strikes out or just beefs it, the other two

can steal with buzzing in and then that will be two points for the steal or one point for the general idea. So four points for the dude doing it. If he gets, for the full title, general idea two points. You can steal, two points.

one point for the general idea on that steel. So you could be like, oh, it's, you know, I don't even know it. It's Shinla's List 2. You don't know what this season is. Okay. Yes. Eric Siska, are you ready?

Uh, yeah. Okay. It is a, it's a 1993 sequel to a 1991 film. The tagline, the family just got a little stranger. Adams family values? Adams family values, four big points. I love that for you. Yeah.

Here we go. A 1999 sequel to a 1997 film, I'm back baby. And I could have done a voice for this. I'm back, comma, baby. I'm back baby. That's going to be gold member. Austin Powers and Gold member?

It is not Austin Powers and Gold Member. Anybody want to steal? I saw Andrew. Austin Powers is the spy who shagged me. The spy who shagged me is the second one to the Austin Power's film. I didn't, you know what, they shouldn't be making Austin Powers and the aughts. Let's keep that in the 90s. It's like making Jason movies in the 90s.

It feels weird. Keep that shit the 80s. Yeah. Here we go. Your third one, Eric. A 2021 sequel to a 1988 2008 film, the tagline, a sequel is in the air, and the air is spelled H-E-I-R. H-E-I-R.

Like the air is something. Can I get that again, please? A 2012 movie sequel to a 1988 film. A sequel is in the air. Hmm. To a 1988 movie? I got it, I think maybe. Coming to America with the two?

Yes, oh, big time. More big points for coming to America. That movie sucked, too. I did not see it. Yes, not very good. Okay. Now, a 1985. sequel. This is your last one, Eric.

I didn't know. I was still going. Oh, my God. A 1985 sequel to a 1984 film, they've graduated and they're ready for life on the streets, but are the streets ready for them? So this, could I get that again? Yeah, 1985 sequel to a 1984 film. They've graduated and they're ready for life on the streets, but are the streets ready for them?

Police Academy 2. No, Citizens on Patrol's 3. two is back in action? It is not. Well, he got the general, we'll give them the general idea. That's,

that's two points. Oh, okay. Because he said two. If you said Austin Powers 2 in Goldmember, I would have given you that. But that's how that's going to go. No,

fair, fair, fair. This is their first assignment. First assignment, of course. God damn, I own the box set for some reason. All right. That's Eric.

Chris, here we go. Yeah. Oh, boy. a 2010 sequel to a 2008 film, Carry on, and Carrie is spelled C-A-R-R-I-E. Carry on, 2010 sequel to a 2008 film. Sex in the City, too.

It is Sex in the City, too. Okay. There was no subtitle for that movie, surprisingly. There wasn't. There was not, yeah, like, well, because it would have been like the fucking, you know, the Do Wally affair, wherever the fuck that wind up going. Sisters in Saudi. Yeah, sisters in Saudi.

Okay. They go to the Riyadh Comedy Festival? Yeah. All right. 2011 sequel to a 2009 film, The Wolfpack is back. Wolfpack is back. I'm going to say that's the Hangover 2.

It is the Hangover Part 2. I forgot about the Wolfpack. I thought that was more of a difficult clue, but maybe I guess if you're watching them hangover movies, you remember that. I had to review a second. Yeah. The second and the third one while I was at a slant, and it was a nightmare.

It was as bad as you can expect it. I would like to point out that Chris did not get the title correct. He didn't say parts. Oh, I'm sorry. You know what? We're going to dock him. Eric Scott you. He docked you.

It's a general idea for two points. Eric just cost me two points. What a dick. I love it. That's incredible. That's one of the coolest things. I've ever seen in my life. What a tattel?

What do we have rules for? That's fair. It's totally true. Amen. All right. It's chaos. Gotta be a bitch. Well, you know, I'm just thinking of sex in the city and I'm a catty bitch today.

Here you go. Right right over there, Eric. This is so fun. All right. A 2007 sequel to a 2003 film, a comedy of biblical proportions. Is that going to be Evan Almighty? It is exactly Evan Almighty. Never saw that.

Never did. Is it Evan? Is it Evan Almighty with 2Ls? So Eric just can get an extra time. No, I think you got it, Chris. Why would the title have a spelling error? I don't know. A lot of them do, Andrew.

Because God fucks up sometimes, like the platypus. Oh, and I never saw that Hangover 3 also. I never saw it. It's part 3. I'm sorry. That's part 3. Well, I wasn't. It wasn't on my docket, dude.

It doesn't matter. Well, you should. me just to prepare you for the next you know you're up next. You're right. All right. Last one for Chris. 2005 sequel to a 2003 film. Okay.

Same big family, even bigger adventure. Oh, even bigger adventure. Same big family. Even bigger adventure. 2005 sequel, 2003 film. You know what? Because, okay, I'm going to go with cheaper by the dozen two.

Whoa, big score for you. Whoa. Nice. I would have said the clumps. I was trying to think of the fat Greeks. That was a trick. You forget that Nottie Professor was in the 90s. The original one was way back when.

I was just thinking about fat bozos. We're doing this live so you can see us. You're thinking about fat bozos. That's right. Well, you know, I'm on camera too right now. Okay, here we go. Andrew Jupin. Oh, boy.

A 1993 sequel to a 1992 film, you'll laugh again, you'll cry again, you'll hurl again. Oh, that's Wayne's World, too. Yeah, that's an easy one. These things happen. Okay. Boom.

A 2020 sequel to a 2006 film. Christ. Wear mask, save life. Wear mask. Save Live 2020 sequel to a 2006 film. You know what I'm going to? Because that's so confusing, I have another one for this. Just he's back and he's not alone.

So there's either wear mask, save live. I could also do a voice for this, but I'm not going to do it. Save live, not lives, not life. Yes. Save live. Save live. Save live could do it. Oh, dude.

Yes. Okay. Come on. Let me see if I can do the Fuck my ass Fuck me Okay, let me see Borat two

Subsequent movie film Yes, that is correct Is that the whole thing? Let me get the I gotta pull it up I don't know if there's a two in there Oh is it just Borat I don't believe so

Okay Yes Borat subsequent movie film Partial of the film So partial credit for that one I think you mostly got it That's fine That'd be amazing If you lobbied for Andrew

To get the points I will say I think it is more impressive that I remembered subsequent movie. I agree. All right. And then two more are here. A 1993 sequel to a 1992 film The Holy Terrorist Back.

Oh. Which is just an interesting one. Oh, Sister Act 2 back in the habit? That is Sister Act 2 back in the Habit. Whoa. Yes. I knew there was a two of that fucker for sure. And the last one, here we go.

A 1988 sequel to a 1986 film the Adventures of America's most electric leading man continue The Adventures of America's Most Electric leading man continue 1988 sequel to a 1986 film Oh electric

88 sequel to an 86 film Fuck This is tough This is one more time Say that tagline The Adventures of America's most electric leading man continue. I don't know, fellas, try to steal it.

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that's yeah yeah yeah somebody is Eric Siska Short Circuit 2 It is short circuit 2 Johnny 5 is alive That's two more points for Eric Siska I wouldn't I mean I guess I wouldn't call him a leading man I'd say he's an electric but not a person No man you are picky today

Jesus Christ I just you know what Enough with the robots everyone Fair point. Yeah, that's true. That is going to do it for the VHS trailer game. Chris is going to send

Eric a very nasty text later tonight when he's drunk. And another thing about, you know, because that's what Chris does. I don't know if you guys,

I don't know if you've ever gotten the nasty text from Chris. Oh yeah. It happens a lot. It happens. Everybody gets extra texts from me for sure. I was just upset

that I missed that police academy too. Oh, yeah. I knew that and I was like, he's got this one. He knows those police academy films. I've got to rewatch them all now. That is punishment.

That's your punishment. Speaking of punishment, watching this movie, you know, at least in part two, it's got the decency you start out with a little blinkway too. This is just right into that Laid song again. And I'm like, I know it's coming, but do we have to start the movie with it? Well, apparently it's never been in any of the movie.

If I'm going to be tribute, it's the first time it's been in the movie proper. It's always been in the trailer. I saw. And wasn't it wasn't it the, I thought it was a credit song for the first one. Wasn't it a credits?

That's interesting. I mean, IMDB absolutely could be wrong there. This is James, right? That song laid. Yes. Yeah.

Pretty good band. Pretty good band altogether. It bookends this movie because they want to make sure, you know, because I feel like this is very much like, we'll never do another one, right? And it's like,

you kind of probably shouldn't have anyway. Yeah. Although this wound up doing, $232 million around the world. So like it still worked one more time. The box office, I looked it up for American reunion, which was in 2012, speaking of later sequels.

It was literally like the domestic gross was like half of what American wedding was. So that was a real. Let's just keep all the fucking college direct-to-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dings going. Well, what about American sniper where Jim joins the army? Oh, dude, that fucking soft-bodied doughboy couldn't join. the fucking military. Come on now. Can you imagine? I just imagine

in Clinius were trying to direct Jason Biggs is just a nice thing in my head right now. I ain't casting the pie fucker. And then somehow Eugene Levy's like a general and he's like walking in on him doing weird shit. Oh my God, staff sergeant. What are you doing? Exactly. And then at the end, Jim goes shooting with Stifler and things just don't go as expected at the end there. Totally. And then the movie just says, The End. drawn in Stifler's blood and brains.

But you don't even get to see it. They fucking chicken out on you. He just leaves and smiles and waves at fucking Alston Hannigan. He's like, bye. Now, Steve,

I think you had it, you hit it best on Letterbox when you said, somebody pressed the Moore Stifler button too many times on this movie and it got stuck. And that's absolutely correct. It's because he's a spice. I mean, I'm on record.

I never cared for any of the American Pie movies my entire life, never really liked it. Yeah. I always thought the saccharine mixed with the vulgar never, that blend never works. And also I find a lot of these guys very unlikable, which is the problem. Yes. And I think that that's very present here.

But I miss everybody else. Like the fact that we don't bring back Natasha Leon or Tara Reid or even. And Chris Klein for Chris Klein is the big like, how do you not even mention that where that guy is? Yep. And I was kind of saying like, oh, this was this must have been like he must have chose to do Street Fighter over this. No, like that Street Fighter movie was years after like he would have been making

this. Like this, it was just, the only thing that he had out the same year was that it's him. Ryan Gosling, I think, is in the movie. It's about like a kid like kills a friend or something and they're trying. What the fuck is that movie called? Now this is going to drive me crazy. But that was the only movie that Chris Klein had

in 2003. And according to him, Klein himself, again, IMDB, to be believed, he was not asked back. Neither him nor Natasha Leone confirmed that they were asked back for this movie, which I am... Well, what about me in a Suvari? That's the other one you're leaving out there. Yeah, I mean, I guess if you don't have Chris Klein,

you can't have me to Suvar. You don't know what I mean? She was his girlfriend in the movie. You've got to explain this all, right? Like, why wouldn't they be at Jim's wedding? Like, you should say, like, they died in a fun-wa bus accident or something. Sure, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. We want all these new exciting

characters, Eric. We want, you know, Fred Willard to really shine. We want these dogs who feeds stiffler their feces. We want them. We want these new characters to really shine when we don't have, you know, menace of our around Chris Klein to take the spotlight away from them. But to you, to your

point, Steve, not only did the producers and the writers and the directors all press the stifler button too much. That's bad enough. Sean William Scott himself pressed the stifler button too much because he feels like you kind of you put the super toka and

Razar stuff in him. And like oh, the ooze? This is super stifler, the ooze. Stifler is now like super Stifler. He doesn't know how to act in any other way. Then other men, like, I don't penis, fuck. Ha ha ha, ha, ha, fuck. Can I put a theory out there as to why that happened?

Is because this is Steve Stifler, college graduate, right? And I wonder if it's like, now he didn't have like Oz and Jim and the other guy, Kevin, around to be, and Finch to be like, hey, man, like, dial it down, Stifler. Oh, Stifler, what? You know what I mean?

It was just like free. run of the town Stifler and this is just what happened four years of like unbridled enthusiasm Stifler enthusiasm you know If that did happen and I'm I'm open to imagining that world It has to look like the Biff Tannen future then

When we come into it like it has to be run This fucking great East Great Falls has to be decimated by him By the way the Chris Klein movie I was thinking of is 2003 is the United States of Leland where it's Ryan Gosling has killed a mentally challenged guy. Yes. So big messy movie that's far from the laughs of American wedding.

Because also like his voice is like higher and he's doing this like nervous tick laugh. If it was president in earlier movies, it's much more pronounced in this one. Like yeah, you're right. This is like Kevin Nash at a stifler suit. You know what I mean? At the end. Yeah, it's super stifler. I love it.

But yes, they are college graduates. we have our, these movies always have the cold open where someone's going to get embarrassed, Jim. And this is, this is that cold open where we're at this restaurant and he's getting ready to propose. What a sweaty first line where he's just, he's got his glasses like, well, Michelle, now that we're both, we're both college graduates. What a great time to be. Like, it's just like very much like we have to set the stage immediately. Yes. There is just like, there's a better way to do that, right?

And that better way is like, could you both? believe it when so-and-so tripped on the stage getting his to be. Fucking anything like that, but you're so right. It is just like, well, because we have finished our college matriculation, we are now graduates of said college. Is that not correct, girl

I love? Would you consider a scroll maybe? Like in the time of American pie. On a campus far, far away. Yes. They're leaving college behind or maybe a narrator, like a ghostly old man to

describing the events of their lives. Oh, no, that's what it is. The character of Oz has died in a tragic lacrosse accident. And he is narrating from the heavens. And he's like, so here's what's all my buds at East Falls, whatever the fuck are up to. Let's go back to Michigan. Here we go. I love that.

He could be with fucking happy Gilmore's coach and the alligator and Abe Lincoln. Come on, Jim. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. What are you doing in our movie? What are you doing there? I mean, golf and sex. It's both hip stuff.

Sure. That's right. That's right. But wouldn't you know it? He's going to propose to Michelle and he gets a... I love it's a waiter brings a portable phone to a table, which is nice. And there is Eugene... Yeah, go ahead.

No, well, first, what happens first is he's like, you know, I would like to propose to you, Michelle, but she goes on... This is when she goes underneath the table. That's when the waiter... She goes under the name to the table first because she's like... I'd like to bring our relationship to the next stage. It's like, ooh, kinky, fun. And then just decides to suck his cock in the middle of a restaurant.

I remember thinking at the time, because I did see this in theaters. And I just remember thinking like, what are we doing here? Great question. How is this even a plausible scenario, even inside an American pie movie? Because this is a crowded restaurant. It's not like a, oh, I bought out the back room for us, Michelle, so we can have a nice private dinner. Like, there is a family. There is a family having a celebratory graduation dinner with their daughter and two young kids.

And this girl is sucking cock four feet away under the table. At a dark bar or chilies perhaps. Yeah, Chili's where they got those big booths. A lot of privacy in those big Chili's booths. Or like a Mars bar where everyone's sucking dick anyway. You know what I mean? There's stickers all over the walls. Like, you know what's going on.

But even then it was, let's go to the bathroom. will fucking pound really quickly. Not I'm sucking your cock under the table. If they do have a lot of stickers on the walls, you're allowed to do that. I'll tell you, that tells you exactly the road that we've been on since we left Michelle and Jason Biggs here.

Because clearly, he's been pegged. That's just not up for an art. If this is happening already, they've already rounded the bases twice. Like, they've gone to all this stuff. They've got to two threysms, every kind of threesome. Nothing can excite them anymore. right? So you have to involve

the public. And then it's going to escalate from there, probably kill play eventually. And also if you are trying to get engaged in this moment you told the waiter and all the stuff you got the ring box, when she starts going, hey, hey, you have to like grab

herself and no, no, no, no, no. A, I don't want to get arrested tonight. Number one, I'm for public indecency and God knows what else. And two, just sit down. I want to talk to you for a moment. And then do the proposal. But see, you're giving this man too much credit. Clearly he likes this.

Yeah, that's true. He makes a big deal about it. It makes a big show about it. But clearly, if he didn't want this to happen, he would have done something like that. But he always has to fret about it. Like, oh, I don't want it. Oh, okay. Suck my dick, but I don't like it.

It is the majestic power of the blowjob, dude. You think you can resist it. But then once, it doesn't matter if you're in a fucking middle of a chucky cheese, dude, it's happening. It's fucking happening. There's nothing anybody can do about it at this point. I hope the management of Chuck E. Cheese could do something about it. You know about this?

Take the shot. Take the shot. I saw this commercial today just that David Busters is like, come on back to David Busters. We have 10 new games. Oh my God. In the commercial over and over, they're like 10 new games and David Busters. I'm like, is this the first time you've had new games since when? Like it just raised more questions than it answered kind of a thing. It's kind of like when you see those signs in the subway that's like,

did you know that New York City has 18 handicapped accessible subway stations? And I'm like, did you know there's like a fucking 180 subway stations? Like, what are you talking about? 10 more games. Isn't your job to rotate out awesome games for newer, more awesome games? Why is this? You're basically, you should have a sign that says, Dave and Busters, come on back.

We're doing what we're supposed to. Steve, you think people are having. sex there, that's why you bring this up, they go to David Busters, because Busting. Yes, it makes it. Oh, yeah, Dave and Busting. I mean, I would hope that that would be one of the new games is public sex. Yeah. You know, it's actually nine games and then you're now allowing it. I will say this scene is the, in my opinion, is the best scene in the movie because it has the

American Pie promise of here's an awkward, even though it's very implausible, closely to plausible sexual situation where the stakes are. kind of understood and like it goes into a bonkers way and it's but I think it's the best scene in the movie for that reason and it's also not everyone's standing around with their mouths open while Stifler does something for four minutes that's the thing it may be one of the only scenes in the movie that's 100% Stifler free at all time so you get that's true start to finish at this scene zero percent Steve Stifler in it but 100% Eugene Levy and this is where I will mention my letterbox comment because I believe whatever I number I gave it I think it's like that

97% of the jokes that work in this movie are delivered by Eugene Levy. Yep. Like, you are just so fucking, and honestly, Fred Willard, too. Oh, yeah. Perfect compliment as the future father-in-law. Like, the two of them just going, let's have more of that. I think you hit on exactly why this doesn't work and why increasingly these didn't work is because the secret weapon to the first one at least was there was some sincerity to it. There was some, like, genuine feeling.

Like we are, we're just learning something new about our lives and who we are. And there's like, there's some warmth to that, you know. This, two and this one, you would think it would get warmer because it's a wedding for crying out loud. But like, no, they're actually more cynical. Like this one and the second one are just so way more cynical and more about like, oh, six, four, come. Ah, yeah, awesome. What's funny, you're saying that. What's funny is there is, I think, the one single nice little moment of sincerity when Jim has like the little,

little groomsman meeting and he's like, I'm always worried about fucking up and I'm always getting myself in these crazy situations, but I realize like I'll always have this like, you know, safety net of you guys, even you, Stifler, well, and it's, it's kind of a nice thing. And then it's immediately getting its throat cut by Stifler going, is that all? I got to go get my dick sucked in a closet. Fuck you. And I'm like, all right, we couldn't just let that breathe for two more minutes. So he has forgotten the ring. His father calls him on the phone.

The ring box is empty, but I got the ring. I'm on my way because I'm your nice dad. And this is sort of sincere, like the first movie. And he's getting blown. You have to be like, my dad's coming. My dad's coming. You know what I mean? You have to get in.

Yeah. And, you know, let me. I got to finish you first. Like a French farce, Eugene Levy sits down at the table. Socer blue. All this lady is. All these lines. the lines of dialogue, oh, look at the rock on this thing. I hope you didn't blow your wads.

Not yet. I am staring at my father while I'm getting my dick sucked. What a great time to be alive. I think Chris was touching upon this, the sexual kinks of Jim here, that he likes these things. Do you think he likes looking into his father's eyes while this is happening? Can I tell you? The answer is somewhere around a definite yes because after. No, because the fucking the button on this scene, the blackout joke is that he says, like, I'm the happiest man in the world, his pants kind of fall down again or whatever,

and he's still hard. Any other person who's not into, like, this scenario, like working for them, would lose that erection immediately. The fact that he is still hard at the end of this tells me he likes what's going on here. The keg's been tapped. What are we doing here, fellas? Come on now.

It's right back up. Okay, fine. It's like you do so much sexually perverse things. You need something wilder and wilder to get you off. I would have thought, I didn't see this been a really long time. And I was, I had forgotten this scene. And I was like,

I was kind of expecting either a, because he's, her mouth is, like, you know, blah, blah, it's a lot of like blowjob puns that we're talking about.

And then for some reason, like, Eugene Levy makes him stand up, but his pants fall down and his ass is hanging out. And then she's revealed. It's a big thing. And he just, to propose anyway.

And like, as he's doing that, once she comes up, she doesn't say a word, her mouth is closed, and she's smiling. And I was expecting either a gulp, yes, I will. Or even worse, like a, I do and like something, you know what I mean? Or just give her a milk mustache, right? That would be, because this is a bawdy comedy. What do we do? I watch the unrated version, my friend.

Yeah. Nothing unrated about this. though in the unrated version. No. Unfortunately. I feel, I don't know. There would be a point where like she would just hide under there forever kind of a deal and just like, oh, you know, until he, Eugene Levy's got to go somewhere and then she'll quickly come back out. He was right just to go right into the proposal.

It's the only way to save this without leaving the restaurant in a complete disgrace. Oh, but clearly also this man is into humiliation. so this should not be a problem at all. I mean, like, how do you think that dick gets hard so quickly? I mean, it's, it's A, the father, but also the humiliation he's feeling is just going right to his pelvis. And that's just, it's enriching what he's already got right there.

And, I mean, I was just right, at this point, I was just get out of the scene. Whatever is, like, can we please fucking eject? Get me to Mitchells and the fucking boys, at least. I do love the Eugene Levy delivery, though. Son, your penis! All right, coming up at, 40 minutes into the show, the second scene.

Well, it's not like we didn't play a couple of rounds the HHS trailer game. We've been having fun all night. Also, these episodes, American Pie, it's July, it's senioritis. We're kind of just having fun here. But yeah, times like these by Food Fighters kicks in because it's still a soundtrack movie here.

Yes. We're cheersing at the bar with Kevin and Finch, cheering, you know, the engagement or whatever. you got Jim and Michelle just Jim doing some horrible dancing at this bar right here he throws poor Alison Hannigan into this waitress like these two are going to have a rough road ahead with each other and in their life together I feel right and this is a big part of the movie is the fact that Jim doesn't know how to dance he needs to learn how to dance for the wedding you don't no one knows how to slow dance right you just sort of do it and it

works out and also there is a a cottage industry that you absolutely can go to you do not need Steve Stiffler's help there are people they'll help you specifically help men dance for their weddings like that there is a world of people that are ready to do this for money and they're not they're a you a you don't have to deal with Steve Stifler but also it's not like it's crazy money and even if it was you are from a pretty well off family gym you do pretty okay if if this wedding is to believe the what i see of this wedding is to be believed everybody's doing just fine yeah and i don't think that's an issue for you either so get a professional for fuck fake. You do bring up a question I had while watching it and like somewhere along the way you get

kind of like the how much but you don't get the why and I'm referring to how long in between the start of this movie and the wedding. Somewhere along the way someone drops a line. I think it's Fred Willard like this has been some of the craziest few weeks of our life or whatever. Fine. But the why of all of that. Why are they having such a short engagement and busting out to get this wedding fucking done. There's got to be a line about like, oh, there's an American baby on the way because otherwise what are we doing?

What is the race down the aisle? I agree. What you're doing is you're taking dialogue away from great Steve Stifler and, you know, what he's going to be. Because we don't even know, we don't know what their jobs are, what jobs that they want,

that they're trying to get this one line where Kevin is like, because he's a pathetic loser and he wants to keep the gang together. He's like, Finch, you got to come to law school with me to keep the guys together. And I'm like, oh, you're sad.

That's pathetic. dude vich just fucking graduated NYU he's not going to law school with you now kev but then what is finch trying to do like these are jokes that you can have like Finch has a new job but like maybe the bathroom is weird and that's something I remember

he has a problem with blah blah blah like these are things we can kind of play with in the American wedding film if we cared about any of these characters it is crazy though you're totally right it's fucking crazy that the only person I think the person we know the most about including what his job is is Steve

Stiffler. Absolutely. That cements the script cementing more than anything that this is the Steve Stiffler show. Because you don't even know what goddamn Jim is doing and he's supposed to be the main character. And he should be like, oh, man, I don't know. I don't know if I make enough money to keep you, Michelle. Blue, blah, blah. Precisely.

I know, I'm a normative garbage. You know, look at that kind of stuff. All that he says at one point, what he's trying to do the proposal is like, well, you know, while living at my parents' house has been pretty cool, Michelle. And so then I'm like, okay, is he talking about just living at home? or is Michelle like living there with him, which I don't think is the case, but it sort of makes it sound like he's been like, oh yeah,

we've been living with my parents ever since we graduated college and I'm like, aren't you from the same hometown? Well, that's, I would ask, like, Michelle, where are you living? If she's got her own place,

why isn't he over there staying over there? Why is the parents' house? I guess because we want to go back to that parents' house so often, just in case, maybe we'll get a pie fucking. There is a lot of men. is a lot of mystery here also because, like, how is he not met her parents before? You live in the same time.

You've known her all your life. Like, there wasn't, you dated all through college. Like, there wasn't a single summer break or a spring or a Christmas or a Thanksgiving where you were both home in East Falls, Michigan or whatever. It doesn't make sense. Also, this movie cost $55 million and it felt really cheap the entire time, like, A, the cutting of the cast, B, we are at Jim's house the entire, like, we paid for this set, and that's the only set. and that's the only set we're using basically.

You know what I mean? You can taste the cheapness other places too. Like the really bad, there's a horrendous, really bad edit when they go to that dress shop and the woman is like, oh, you just missed Leslie. They've just gone for the day or whatever. They're going out in Chicago. And like, whatever the sentence is, the woman barely has the sentence finished. And it cuts to like this B-roll skyline of Chicago.

And it is like the oldest shitty footage. And you can tell because there's, it looks old, it looks fucked up. And there's old school, like letters that are like, go Bulls. Like it's clearly like Bulls' heyday B-roll that you're putting in a 2003 movie. I saw a newspaper that said Al Capone captured. Oh, you want cheap? You want the cheap footage? Okay, well, we got some B-roll from vice versa.

We can get you some of that. Would that help you? I got something for you. It's got John Belushi in it, but I don't think that should really throw anybody up. You can barely see. He's wearing a hat. You don't know. You won't be able to tell.

You know, just blow it up a little bit. You could crop them out even if you wanted to. You can use it. It's fine. I should say all the stuff with like Kev going to law school, Finch, NYU. This is all happening now. They're having an engagement party. Yes.

At Jim's parents' house. And here comes Steve Stifler driving the school bus when he's not coaching the football team. And I think like the first. line out of Sean William Scott's mouth in this movie is fuckers. Because he sees they're having a party. Oh, the fuckers are doing something. And I was like, man, not a great story.

And then he says, well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake. Okay. Hey, okay. I'm not laughing, but somebody might be. You know what I was laughing at? John Cho and other guy returning as the milk guys. And I do love John Cho walking into this engagement party being like,

this is lame. Nobody's tapped a keg. like just still stuck in the college partying days. I just love the fact that they're like, oh, don't worry, we're the ushers. And I'm like, who did you talk to? Did you just walk in and put your name down? We will be the ushers. It's very surprising that they never got an American Pie Presents the Milf Guys movie. Yeah, yeah.

There was so many. Do you know why? I think because the year after this was Harold and Kumar and John Cho kind of became a bigger star than any of these American Pie people did. That's true. Yeah. Because that's the weirdest part. Like, I mean, like the first movie and the second one too, like a dislike it.

It had, they had these big casts and the whole point was like, look at this crazy party. These are the Melf guys. They're doing this over here. The Shermanator's doing something wacky over here. The Shermanator, of course. Oh my God. So is the only movie he's not in also. What the fuck?

Where is he? I need him. I forgot about him. I need some of this stuff to make it. you like an American Pie movie and also like again because there's none of these guys are that great on their own like you need fill this cast out

exactly and that's why it's unfortunate that once again Stifler's mom only at the very end of the movie I feel like at this point you've had Jennifer Coolidge show up and two of them she can be a you know a bigger role here I mean shit you got fucking Fred Willard and Eugene Levy now with her have them

have a scene somehow together and just let that be the funniest thing in the entire franchise, frankly. You got later on, like, the toast bit with Fred Willard and Eugene Levy, like, honestly, like, just bring the whole fucking guest crew in here, get Parker Posey going, let's see

what Bob Balaband's going to do. He's like the minister maybe. Oh, yes. Yeah. Get Christopher guests, do it. Honestly, look, and also they could polish the script, too. Those guys can write. Just let, just turn the keys over to the grownups, please. Dude, yeah, it's like Fred Willard and he's gathering together with

all the guest crew, and he like takes a copy of the script that he says of the screenwriter like you mind if we just spend the night take a look at it we're not going to do anything crazy and then they like molded into like the funniest film in the franchise by a country mile or a naked mile I should say excuse

we made you know we made a pretty funny movie with dogs the dogs looking a boner in this one a a frosting covered boner okay I can rewrite that I guess and then Stifler says

is it weird that it feels good Mm-hmm. Beastiality, baby. So let's get to the dog sucking his dick here. We got to set this up a little bit. So Michelle's parents show up, and it's Fred Willard and what's her name, Deborah Rush as the parents. And yeah, they are two sort of tightly wound people that travel with their dogs. There's a big one and there's a small one is the idea. And we're making a whole big scene because, yes, somehow living in this small town, like we have said, he has still not met her parents.

So this is the big moment. It's like, oh, my God, Jim, you can't wear that shirt. you got to change or blah blah, blah. So he's trying to get prepared to be with the parents. In comes Steve Stiffler, going right up to this table where he's making funny, dirty words out of the cake topping letters.

This is a funny joke here. He thinks it's a graduation party. He thinks it says, congratulations Jim. He makes it say congratulations jism. Mm-hmm. That's a knee slapper. And somewhere along the way,

the cake gets pushed into Jim's crotch. and then it's into Stifler's crotch and then there's a dog that's licking Stifler's fucking shorts and yeah it's light beastiality isn't it fucking funny kids? Yeah. It's like second based bestiality

over the clothes bestiality. And then of course now Jim is also affected in this mix and then he starts trying to pull the dog off and it looks like he's fucking this dog on top of him like a big old man dog orgy. Like that got an orgy going

it seems like. Because then the little guys They're asking more people to come in. Yeah, because then the little guy starts humping the leg. Because it's a four way. Oh, my God. Everyone gasps, and Fred Willard and Deborah Rush are like, oh, well, I never. And I'm like, you need to clarify that they eventually understand that he wasn't fucking their dogs.

Because again, if they believe that he was diddling their dogs in the other room, they're never going to accept him. They're like, I'm not talking to you dog fucker. And my wife, my daughter isn't allowed to marry you. Oh, you know what, Michelle? Well, we were all right with you marrying a pie fucker, but sweetheart, we cannot condone you marrying a dog fucker. It's impossible. A pie doesn't have a heartbeat, so we really have a problem here. And I just imagine either Deborah Rush or Fred Willard with like a microscope looking.

I don't see any cum. No, this is all frosting. This is all frosting. No, no cum. I think we're good. Looking into the dog's anus, you're saying? No, I was thinking on the floor. Oh, okay.

Here's my question about Fred Willard and Deborah Ruff. They come and they're like, oh yeah, it's been so long. We got the dogs here. And then the dogs kind of stay with Jim's parents. Like, are they all staying there for what seems to be weeks on end? It's really unclear. It's unclear, right? Because, like, if Jim and Michelle went to the same high school, which they did, theoretically,

these parents live close by. It was a public high school, no great shakes. The parents have to live in the town. So you need some fucking line about my parents who moved. away when I went to college, says Michelle, you know, thanks for letting the dog stay with them, their hotel didn't allow, anything. Pretend that the person writing this movie

soar the other two movies. Just fucking pretend that that's the case. So Stifler finds out after all this that it's an engagement party and what did you know it? We celebrate the death of Jim with a ball banging bachelor party. And then Michelle goes to Jim very clearly like, I don't want that man at our wedding, which is a great place to be. Uh-huh. That's a good position to have, yes.

And Jim agrees. And, you know, I agree. Because they're not even, the thing is, they're not even friends. And I mean, like, I think that's sort of what's interesting about the movie if there is it. There are these people that are kind of on the fringes and, like, they're like your high school friend or your college friend that you're not really friends with. And then, like, when that ends, you're like, I only knew you through Mochi kind of thing. Yes. Yes. But that guy who you only knew through Moochie, like, thinks that the relationship is much stronger as it was than

it actually is. That's the curse of Steve, Steve Stiffler being like this, you know, totally like blinders on towny. Like, he just doesn't understand that these dudes since graduating high school have not given a shit, and possibly before high school graduation,

have not given a shit about him. Oh, they didn't care. I mean, Fincher for sure just hated the guy's guts from the beginning. So, like, there's no love loss there. I mean, just that's the thing is he's the sad guy and there should be something about this movie if you're going to put it all on

Stifler there should be something about Stifler having to like figure out that he needs to change something in his life. Not everything I'm not saying that you gotta stop you know, humpin dogs and putting frosting on your crotch I don't want to be fucking take your weekends away from you but like I

just cannot believe there's no moment where like he really has to be like okay I am a fuck up in some way I should say, but because everything he does, he fixes immediately and everybody loves him for immediately. There's no real moment where they're just like, oh, boy, Stifler, and like it sticks for real. Yeah, I mean, that is kind of like the half-ass thing about the ending, right, is he does make this nice gesture, but it's cleaning up a mess that he fucking caused in the first place. And as January Jones character puts it to him directly, like, did you do this because you wanted to sleep with me?

or do you actually care about the people in this wedding? And of course, because it's this kind of movie, the answer is both, but leaning more towards just because I want to have sex with you. Come on. Just be honest about it. But they're at some bar and Jim's worried about the wedding being shitty for this reason or another. And Finch is like, hey, you know, you can do a little surveillance on her, see what's going on, you know, heightened listening, see if you can help out in any way.

So you get like a montage. There's like a planning montage like Michelle. striking out while dress shopping, Stifler, supposed to be, like, coaching the football team, but I do like he's got this map of, like, Bachelor party locations,

which is kind of funny. Which we never use, right? Not once. No, God damn. It's got to be at his house. And also, I mean, like, the, why is she striking out,

which we don't act, because it's only a montage. Why is she striking out on a dress is because they're doing this in two weeks. Like, that's not how this shit works. You know what I mean? Like, these things usually take months to plan and months to get a custom-made dress or whatever.

Absolutely. I mean, it's the start of the engagement party and then it's this mad dash to the wedding date which is who the hell knows but I guess it's within a week or two. Yeah, that's what I said. Like Fred Willard says something about weeks. So like less than a month.

I mean, it's fucking, but you got that. This is funny because this is actually an echo of the last movie because in this movie, you know, last second as far as like wedding planning goes, they last second book this country club. Just like in the last movie where they last. second book that beautiful beachfront, lake front fucking house, like that we were joking,

like had to have been haunted because how else was it available? And if we're doing like American Pie rules, it's got to be Kevin being like, how do I plan this bachelor party for my best friend Jim, the blah, blah, blah. Let me call my brother Casey Affleck. Oh, we had an amazing bachelor party. Oh, wow. Right. Or whatever.

You know what I mean? These are the things you've done. These are your rules. I didn't make them up. You're hitting on another thing. the second one at the very least you had the feeling of the friendship, right? Like that is the key of this.

Like we're trying to make this thing last even though we know eventually it's all going to splinter eventually. This one you would expect like how do you keep friendships going when you're about to get married? It's a thing that all guys have to do. Everybody has to deal with at one point or another

and there's a lot there to mind for comedy. They say fuck that. Why even deal with that? Why not just keep on going like, it's forever, you know? Did you know it's forever? You never fuck again because you decide to. I don't know, man.

They even go so far as Kevin even does one of his very lame. He takes the glass out. He's like, guys, here's to the next. He's about to make one of his speeches. And like, you know, a funny, like self-aware thing. Everybody knows the audience hates that. Jim just goes, Kevin, do not do that. You know what I mean?

Like, yep. But again, that just cuts out half of. So what is Kevin even doing in this movie is the question? Nothing. He's tied up in a closet for his scene. That's about it. Yeah, I'll tell you what, there's a great, you know what, you get some character detail when, you know, Kev goes to make the big speech and Finch and Jimber discussed it immediately and they're like,

dude, we told you the last time when you tried this shit at Oz's funeral, we don't like hearing those speeches. Yeah, yes. And it's just right there. And then like, the audience would be like, huh, Chris Klein's character is dead. And then the movie would go on and nobody would care. And all the other, all the other characters that you haven't seen in addition to Oz died of

a broken heart that's right Mina Savari died of a broken heart Natasha Leon would love to be in this movie but she's dead she got killed by the cartels who would have guessed it oh no yeah she went up to this cartel guy

pretending to be a cigar shop in 1930s detective and he killed her instantly I would like to see like the end of six feet under type of montage of all these characters dying yes dude that is the end you make American funeral and it starts with one of them. And it's like, the end of the movie is like, wow,

what a beautiful American funeral. And then you're like, this bad is on fire. And then you get the montage of all of them at various points in their lives whenever they dropped in. Yes. The Shermanator just in a closet hanging with that. Passionate love.

You just see the sneakers and it's at the part of the song where it's like, yee-he. It's got to be Allison Hanigan. A, because it's the only character I like, but B, because red hair. Come on. Yeah. Oh, that's true.

Yeah. Jim goes to Stifler and is like, listen, you can't come to the wedding. This is during his football practice. Right. Stifler has his whole team, which will be important at the end of the movie. I hope you fucking pay attention. Remember everybody. He coaches the football team.

They're like saying Jim's a bitch or something like that or Jim sucks or. Well, because he, Stifler's whole point here. And if he wasn't such an asshole and just the most unlikable character in any contemporary American comedy like I'd say he's kind of got a point in a way right because he's like look I facilitated this whole thing I helped you get with this girl I helped you

through all this girl trouble with this that's a like you are with this woman who you're going to marry unfortunately you know for better or worse because of Steve Stifler I have a little he didn't help him he put them in the same room I guess technically

it's not like Stifler was like now what you have to do here is is just kind of embarrass yourself a lot in front of her, like all the time, and then she'll start liking you. That's not what it's just like, here, here's my house, you came to the party at my house, and then you got fucked. That's nice and all. But the crazy thing to me is that, like, Jim is like,

you know, she's expecting Fred Astaire shit. No, she's not. No, nobody's expecting Fred Astaire. She never said that. She just said she wants to have a nice wedding. They've seen where she's like, I just want to have a nice wedding. With Jim, she's expecting Jerry,

Lewis type of shit. But the football team chants, I think Steve you were alluding to this earlier, Jim sucks donkey dick. Oh, that's what it is. Jim sucks donkey dick. And in the chorus of Jim sucks donkey dick,

as a ploy to try to get an invite to the wedding, Steve Stiffler leans into Jim and says, I know how to dance. And that is the okay, so we do cut to the gymnasium, Steve Stiffler teaching him how to dance. He says something about Mrs. Stifler, made him take dance lessons

for three years. That's interesting. What about his younger brother who'll be so important in those other movies? That's right. Yeah, no fuckers, fuckers, fuckers in this movie.

That kid got a break too. That's nice. I mean, I don't even know what. Like, where did the money go? Like, literally,

you paid for a gymnasium and a house. That's it. That song, that laid song. Yeah. That scratched up B-roll of the Chicago skyline. Exactly. Yeah,

look at the possible. tax shelter options or something. You know what it is? It went to George Soros. Oh, that makes it. Yeah. Follow the money. You got to pay the master all the money. So you can rule the puppet master needs his money. Well, that is at the end, you get the other Dylan brother singing into the mystic.

Yeah. So maybe a little bit. Maybe spreading it out a little bit. Yeah, spread that well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we find out that she can't get the dress she wants because, again, we're doing this at a week and a half and we have to go to Chicago and now and like Stifler is around so he's like I call Shatkin this is where I was like did something happen to this guy in the college years where he's

now become even more intellectually troubled than he was before because this is this right here is one of the parts where he just stops speaking in complete sentences yes because he overhears them like oh, we got to go to Chicago to go to this dress place. We can get there in three hours. We'll be there right before they close. And he goes, you go Chicago? We see titties. And you're just like, can you fucking please take two

of that? Like, that wasn't even the line. I think he's been huffing paint thinner for a while. He got into that as a cheap thrill. I need to see him sitting in the locker room. Y'all be right there. Why don't you run some labs? He takes out like the brown paper bag and he sprays a bunch of paint into

starts huffin. There's a real desperation to him that I think you need I think if you underlined it more you get more comedy out of the character because when he does he hears about the bachelor party he like like a kid like asking about if he got the bike on Christmas with a dildo show

yeah yes like it's like sense he's almost vulnerable in that moment I'm like oh no this is a sad person oh boy I'm glad that Steve Stifler's greatest desire for that bachelor party was a dildo show and we didn't do like because remember of course with the dog scene beastiality's on the table we didn't do a clerks too donkey show

joke yeah right because it was I mean look like beastiality was in the air on set obviously you can't do two beastiality jokes in one movie then it becomes then it becomes zoo that's sort of the I think isn't there a second beastality joke later in the movie let me think on it for this second he's eating shit but not for sexual pleasure eats shit but not for sexual how about a sequel called American Barn Yeah, that's what happened to Oz. This born is a fire with passionate love.

A buck and a goat from above. And you keep it classy. Like once the guy's starting to insert into the animal, you just cut to a cock crowing, you know? Oh, yeah, you can make it classy. And the pigs go suh. Oh, yep, there it is. There you go.

We cut to Chicago, greedy footage. If you look closer, you can see. A 1974 Brian Doyle Murray smoking a joint, I guess. Exactly. You can see the fucking ribbon cutting for Second City. So, yeah, you know, of course, they're looking for this dress designer Leslie Summers.

They're at this bar. Leslie Summers might be at this bar, and they go in and isn't it hilarious, it's a gay bar and they don't know that. Or at least Steve Stifler doesn't know it. and he's like unwittingly like hitting on this woman and the woman thinks that he's just this like excited gay guy who's ready to have a good time at the bar

so we got that going here we got a really fucking clunker of a trans character right here that you see her arm wrestling later isn't that just fucking funny it's real laugh riot and then here comes Eric Eric Alan Kramer from a bunch of stuff Robin Menon Tites.

Yeah, Robin Hood Menon Tites. He was on that Firefighter comedy show that Farva from Super Troopers was also on. Oh, okay. Oh, really? Yeah.

He's also a true romance as the big guy who gets shy. Fuck you, I need an ambulance. Which I love that part. Yeah, I was misremembering this dude as being David Harbor before today. It's about right.

Similar build. Yeah. David Arbor probably ate his lunch I mean this is it looks like he probably got less you know got less uh rolls now I do love though like Steve Stifler of course just being a total fucking asshole

finally like he's made to realize it's a gay bar he starts acting like a piece of shit and then he says because this dude Eric Allen's character Bear is like oh you think just because I'm gay I want to sleep with you and he goes everyone wants a piece of the stiffmeister and when I tell you this in

higher, like, they turn off the music, they close the door, and it's like, everybody laugh at this guy for 30 seconds straight, and it's awesome. It's a great feeling. And you think you would learn from this. No, no, no, no. You were just setting up the spotlight

for Stifler to get even more epic and awesome, because he's going to do a dance off. The danceoff takes fucking forever. It's a sixth of the movie's runtime. It has to be. Crazy. because Stifler's whole thing, they get kicked out and they're like, you know, not going to, you know, we're not going to tell you where Leslie is, get the fuck out of here or whatever.

And then, yeah, instead of just leaving, you know, like Steve at a frat party, he just comes right back in unwanted. And then unlike Steve at a frat party, gets in a dance off here. Yes. And you know they thought that this was the biggest set piece of the movie. People would be laughing their tits off at this one. Well, I'll tell you what, Eric. The problem here is. that it's a dance off and the dancing

sucks. Yeah, that's true. It's not really, like, they're just kind of gyrating a lot. And like, yeah, I guess it's comical gyrating, but it's not like exact. It doesn't like, I'm not like, whoa, whoa, what a move or anything like that. When Maniac from Flash Dances on,

like Sean William Scott's like kind of doing that like a little bit to start, but then it just, it's just a full on dance battle. So like every time the tune changes, like, you know, the whole vibe kind of, it's weird. It doesn't really work. And neither of them are particularly good dancers, I don't think.

But, yeah, so they come out of the bar and it's like, you know what? You know, you guys were great. You really, that was so much fun that dance off. You know, good for you. And then this dude who has been sort of there the whole time is like, by the way, I'm Leslie Summers. That was so awesome. You got yourself a dress.

And then Eric Allen Kramer was like, you know, I tested well. So actually, I'll be in the movie later. I actually, if you guys are doing a bachelor party, I'll be the guy that gets you the girls because again, I tested pretty well with the audience. He says he quote, manages a couple of girls. Also

a Kevin thing right here, very Rodney Dangerfield of Kevin like, because he comes out and he's trying to express like, can you believe like how much fun we had in a place like that or whatever? And all I could think about is Rodney being like, oh, you gay guys guys are all right.

It's just that. It's like, could you believe we had fucking fun with those guys and you're like okay Kevin thanks for contributing to the movie thank you and then yeah it of course has to end with Steve Stiffler told you that guy wanted to fuck me and then the laugh right here goes up to a whole other

register it just wrote Chipmunk laugh yes like he's starting to sound like Chip and Dale rescue Rangers it gets and his face does this too it gets a little leather facey at parts yeah you totally and his mouth is like kind of

contorted in a leather facie in way it's yes you're totally it's like like he's like burping out the side of his mouth like that's what it kind of looks like he's he's so perverse he would have to get into killing eventually right that's true it's the only make it shoot well yeah is he trying out for

the Jim Carrey Ridler is that what's going on at some point in this because that's the only thing that registered to me is like that's the only character who does this kind of movement and talking to himself kind of shit yeah I don't know but it's it's it's It's Steve Stifler turned up to a 69 and I don't care for it.

And I'm sure Sean William Scott got like, you know, direction be bigger. Oh, yeah. Do you eat that laugh harder. Why don't you go back and try the joke again? Do you just talk like that or is that for your dad? What's going on here? Right now you're blowing in the wind. I want you to be a hurricane, man.

Oh, man. Okay. You're tangled in blue balls. Oh, okay. Oh, boy. All right. Can I get like Neil Young's son or something? That delivery was positively fourth street.

Wait, what? Oh, God. Oh, great. Hey, who wants to hear my dad's song wigwam? Nobody. Nobody here. Nobody wants to. No, stop it.

Sean's going to walk off the set if you keep singing. It's over. This movie is over. So we are introduced to January Jones. Finch accompanies Michelle to the airport to pick her up, which is a funny, Michelle starts the scene by going, thanks so much for helping out.

There's so much to do. And I was like, he's just going to the airport to pick up your sister, something you could have done by yourself. Or, like, if he's really helping, hey, Michelle, you've got a lot to do. I'll do the airport pickup. Is it Finch is with them, right?

Yes, it is already like a boner. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry, yeah. And also, it's January Jones, and there's a deleted scene where she goes to Sarah Michelle Geller's house right after filming Scooby-Doo and picks her Scooby-Doo wig out of the garbage and puts it on her head. Because this thing is ridiculous. What in the world with this wig?

What? It's absurd. You can see the, like, where the wig lining gets glued to her forehead, at least in this opening scene. It's dreadful. It is absolutely dreadful. I guess it's because her and Allison have. Hanigan don't make super convincing sisters. So if she gave her reddish hair

and she didn't want to dye it, like, that's the only thing. Where are you getting reddish hair? This is a blonde wig. Yeah. Then why does she? You're a strawberry blonde kind of thing, is.

You're totally right that it should be the Daphne wig because they should be matching. Yes, that would make sense. It should be that Sarah Michelle's like deep red from that movie. Yeah. But either way, it's a cheap, it's a cheap glue job here. She comes on, you know,

Finch is horny immediately because she's reading a Descartes book. So he's all excited to think that she's this like intellectual so-and-so. And uh-oh, wouldn't you know it? He overhears that she broke up with Mark because we learned later Mark, uh,

want to do, I think save himself for marriage with her or something. Yes. He said he didn't want to deflower ourselves or whatever. Oh, man. What a fucking loser. Finch is listening in on this at a vent in the bathroom. And that's where he also hears that he,

He is bonable. So it's on now for this sexual advances from him. But you're not- You know, Michelle, we were in the restaurant, and I tried to blow him while we were in the restaurant. And he said no. I mean, we've been doing that for years, and I just don't understand why this guy all of a sudden

has to be a prick about it. Wow, so you use the same move that mom used on dad the night he proposed? What are the odds? That's what it should be. They should be all into that. Like Fred Willer, it's like, Oh, yeah, we forticate in public. Yes.

I love that. My wife stuck an oboe in her vagina. I stuck a flute up my ass. Yeah, that's what we do. We all band camp each other. I subbed so many musical instruments into my ass. I'm a one-man band. It's like the guy with the whole contraptions on.

Yeah, Jim, we should have told you. The Flaherty's wanted to swing with us when you were younger. We turned them down. We've never been really good since. But somebody at the studio is like, wait, hold on. Does Finch have a storyline? I don't think so. This is a Steve Stifler storyline.

Here he comes. Dude, banging right in here. I love he's at the house when he overhears January Jones being like, oh, is this, you know, is this lingerie too slutty or whatever? Like, I want to look hot, you know, whoever I get with this weekend, this, that, and the other thing. And yeah, he makes some noise in the hallway. But he is just walking.

He's grabbed a full on bottle of one. off the kitchen counter and he's just drinking it walking down the hallway. I'm like, what day is this? What time is it? But he's this kind of guy, right? It's like as soon as like the wedding mood is set or whatever, we're on mission wedding, that just means like the entire time it's giant party, this whole week, it's, it's open bar constantly.

That's all he can think about. And like he was clearly given the same direction as the dog and the paparoni. bad. He's sniffing around cadence and it's just like pussy pussy pussy ah yes and like I think January Jones could be funny she was funny on man last man on earth yes that was a very great show

her career just kind of like sputtered out after Mad Men which is kind of weird she's really great she had those great Instagram videos when she was getting drunk during COVID remember she was like crushing chorus lights all the time got it ruled. That's awesome. Yeah, I don't, I mean,

because was Last Man on Earth, was that after Mad Men or was that during? It was like right after pretty much. Right around it. Yeah, yeah. 2015 and 2018 and then just like, not much after that, you know, kind of a. No, I mean, I'm looking at this,

the movie career anyway. And two separate, or no, she's in a Liam Neeson movie. Then also you got a secret Nicholas Cage movie Seeking Justice. Wow, directed by Roger Donaldson. Yeah, yeah. And then that

Yeah, just, you know. Was it unknown? I think it was unknown. Yes, it was unknown. That was the where I figured out how to clone corn and they're trying to steal the science from the movie. That's a terrible one. Really bad. Oh, I've got the secret

for corn. Oh, here's something though. Corn secrets. This was 2003, her last movie, at least according to letterbox, Nick Cassavetti's God is a Bullet. Oh, boy. With Micah Monroe, Nicholas Costa Waldo,

Carl Gluceman, and then January Jones. Jamie Fox? All right. Ethan Supley. All right. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. I've never heard of this.

Oh, something about, oh. This is not voice work? Vice Detective Bob Hightower finds his ex-wife murdered and daughter kidnapped by a cult. Okay. Oh, I like cults and murder. Yeah. Betty, you got to audition more.

Betty, you got to fire that agent. What are you booking? Nothing. You got to go in. You can't just self-tape. They want to see you, Betty. They want to smell you. You can't just be sending tapes.

Oh, you're wearing the wig of the American Pie movie. Ugh. Betty, I took one look at you in American wedding and went, ugh. This is our Henry Frans. his impersonation. If you know Madman, that's her second husband. FYI, keep it everybody on an even keeler. Big character, yes. But so the whole thing now with Eddie K. Thomas and Sean William Scott, Finch and Stifler respectively, their thing together in the movie is they're

both buying for cadence, January Jones character. So they're going to do the old switcheroo, which is Stifler thinks she wants like a nice intellectual kind of person, so he starts kind of trying to act overly polite and then Finch thinks that she likes the badass guy so he basically starts acting exactly like Stifler calling himself the Finch Meister which is sort of fun yeah sort of sort of fun I wouldn't call it really fun but at least it's a premise at least it's a joke idea I don't mind it yeah so so Finch is going to be appealing to her by acting like Stifler and Stifler's trying to act intellectual they set this all up at a lunch they're having where We just went to Samantha sweets.

Aren't there chocolates to die for? Oh, my God. I'm normal, by the way. Yeah, he really is going overboard the other way that even this mother, Michelle and Cadence's mother, would have to be like, this guy's laying it on really thick. He's creeping me out. Well, wouldn't you also remember, like, oh, that was the guy that was diddling my dog. Uh-uh.

I mean, I got to deal with the one guy diddle in my dog, but I'm not dealing with both of them. See, these incidents like this are always smoothed over in these movies where it's like, there is a scene somewhere and it's insignificant because it's 20 seconds long and it doesn't matter. But there is something about Jim being like, well, now that we smoothed all that over and it was just a giant misunderstanding. And I would be like, giant misunderstanding or no, the first time I saw you, your pants were around your ankles and your crotch and pelvis were like pushing into my dog as that same dog licked cake frosting. off your friend's crotch. Oh, and there's your friend whose crotch was getting linked, also attending this lunch. Well, the Flaherty's got

more, when they remembered that, you know, the Levinsteins, of course, were the other family, one of you know, about 10 or 12, who at 2.17 a.m., the kids just ran out of the house, and they were just, they tried to get something together, but like, they forgot.

Of course, eventually they forgot, and the kids came back, thank God, but like, it was a rough couple weeks there for them. That would explain what Stifler was, if, if if that's what happened to him, you know, he was one of those things. Ooh, totally. Yes.

He's never the same. Can I tell you my biggest legitimate laugh in this movie? Oh, yes. Earlier in one of those scenes where basically Jim is like trying to tell, you know, he's like, I want to tell you why I'm good enough for your daughter to both Fred Willard and Deborah Rush.

And he's like, sitting them down and like, oh, are you going to do it now? And he's like, well, no. And when he's like, are you going to do it now? It just, it's a great Fred Willard thing. He just looks at his watch. Yes. I was cackling at a man looking at his watch because that's like actual comedy.

All of these old comedy pros that are in this movie, they rule the movie. Like, nothing these kids are putting down, you know, and it's not to say that I didn't have a single laugh at anything the younger people were doing. But like, every time these comedy pros had a scene or had something to say, I was laughing. And I knew that I would be laughing every time that they were in a shot, you know. But yeah, so he's basically, I will tell you, someday I'll sit you down to dinner, and I think even like Fred Rull is like, like, I'd like turkey. It's like, okay, we'll have turkey, you know what I mean, whatever.

And tell you why I'm good enough for your daughter. So that's kind of another thread of the movie that's going to come into the bachelor party, which is exactly. Also, we paid to rent this gymnasium, so you bet your sweet ass we're going back there for another dance lesson. And this is just so we can, again, teeing up another thing that will happen at the country club later, but it's something, something.

It's where something shaving balls. And then Jim is like, oh, should I shave my balls? Do you do that, Stifler? And it's like, okay, there's the new, like, sex-adjacent grooming thing that Jim has heard about. So, Lord knows, this will blow up in his face later. I'm surprised Stifler doesn't answer that question. Like, it's too much for Stifler? Yeah, I either do or I don't, you know?

No, no, no, it's not that. It's not that it's too much to answer the question. It's because they're holding each other while dancing. he's talking about balls, you see. Oh, scary. A little gay panic there. Finally, some more gay panic. Many or all male intimacy just has to go away.

Oh, yeah. I will say, though, credit to this movie, just the littlest bit. And it's not even credit. I guess it's more I should say. Like, I'm surprised it didn't go the way I assumed it was. When, especially at the bar and there's the big reveal, we don't have the F slur going. I was sure we'd be getting some of that from Steve Stifler. Just one.

Yeah. Yep, and it doesn't happen. It is surprising, but also I think they do a good job of making us hate him when they're trying to make us like him. So, you know, there's a good balance there. I do, I take umbrage with the fact that he is like, Jim, you need confidence. And like, what Stifler has is not confidence. No, it's desperation. Well, it's, it's fake.

It's the confidence of someone who is like needs the spotlight and like needs to be in charge and in the room needs to be the one who's being like, looked at all the time. It's that. It's desperation. It's not real confidence. Real confidence wouldn't even need that shit. But whatever, I'm not going to get too pissed off

about stiff as if being an asshole. I do like, though, that he says like, Jim, you have no confidence. You're like, one big floppy cock.

And I was like, I'm like, that kind of gop me. I don't know. Something being called a floppy cock is pretty funny. Not bad. So we do,

we get more, this movie is so many, like, just tiny scenes to just cue up this fucking titular American wedding. But like, they're at another bar and we see more of Stifler and Finch

sort of vying for Cadence's attention here and then so he's Finch starts Stifflering out or whatever and she's like, I think I'm going to go take a walk with Finch instead of be here with you Stifler or whatever and this is where you have the famous It's on like Donkey Kong which really took off.

Oh, damn, did it? It's on like Donkey Kong was around. Yeah, definitely. I was curious, it didn't start here. I would imagine it was somewhere else kind of a thing. I don't know. I can't pinpoint it other than hearing it in this movie. Does he say it in other American body movies maybe?

Oh, no, I mean just in terms of the phrase it's on like Donkey Kong. That I don't know. Was it said in one of those stinky arcades from King of Kong at some point in the 80s? Possibly was said there. It's on like Donkey Kong, Weeby, let's go. There's 10 new games. Yeah, see, that's the thing. Walter would not be like, there's 10 new games because you just expect that dude to run that arcade.

the professional way you rotate them games out. You do your job. You stay up to date on the latest arcade games. They know that there. That's real confidence. That guy wearing that referee shirt in public, that is real confidence, dude. That is the stuff.

That is the actual stuff. So we do get a Jim and Dad scene here, and this is the really funny, you know, Dad, would you have passed up sex with Nadia? And it's like, well, Jim, I'm a married. Man, let's say you weren't married. well Jim she's a college girl let's say you're the same age oh in a heartbeat yeah there's even a better another one where he's just like would you something something something something about having sex with

he's like why did she say something oh yes yeah why did she say something yeah that's the first part of it which is awesome and then he starts talking about you know you're with someone for so long and you know it just keeps getting better and better and maybe you're not uh you know boning every day whatever but when it happens it's great and he goes your uh your mother can still make me squeal like a pig by the way update on it's online donkey con apparently the origin is a 1992 song by ice cube wow okay now i gotta get wetcha oh all right look at that um yeah with the pig i mean also summoning up more bestiality just because we're missing it so much from the beginning of the movie precisely it's not always about who's the dog and who's the fire hydrant made me laugh

pretty oh that's yep that's a good one i thought that was pretty good well Who is pissing on whom, Jim? I'm into golden showers, Jim. You know, it's a thing I picked up in college. I want to pinpoint because I was noticing it here. And of course, you know, we got five seasons of the fucking amazing Schitt's Creek, one of the funniest, you know, half hours of the last 20 years, I think. When did Eugene Levy get his cool old guy haircut that he has on that show?

Because this movie, so 2003 at least, he's still very much in just how we always knew Eugene Levy. It's a little froish. It's getting a little bushy. And that's definitely how he looked. I think in one of those, at least like DVD previews for one of those direct-to-d-D-American Pie movies that he's definitely in. And it was like a, and Jim's dad. And that was like later in the aughts and he still had the same hair. So I'm really curious.

When did he get a stylist on board? Eugene Levy. starring in Welcome to Camp Come. He's in like four out of five of those American Pie Presents movies. And Jim is long gone. What the hell is he doing that horny old bird? He's doing Broadway.

Does everybody remember him doing the fucking graduate with Kathleen Turner on Broadway? I did not. It was fucking crazy. Horrible. Eugene Levy at the graduate? No, no, no, no. Jason Biggs.

Oh, yes. Oh, that. Oh, that. Yes, I kind of vaguely remember that actually. It was awful. It was awful. Many downs. He was on Orange and Black for a minute.

He did. Yeah, he's just around. I mean, that was an up for him. That was a huge show. It was a big deal. Yeah, it was a big one for him. Eugene Levy, you know, it's funny because the only other thing I can think of around this time he was in was cheaper by the dozen two.

That's right. He's the rival dad with Steve Martin in that movie. That's right. Don't forget the man from two. And he definitely still just has the traditional Eugene Levy haircut in that movie. Yeah. Which I think, you know, when he's playing these dorkier roles, I think you want that. Right.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, so here we go. It's the big fucking bachelor party. Because Jim is like I am, I think even like Stifler is like, are you going to be home on Thursday or whatever it is? And he's like, I will just be home by myself and no one else is going to be there. Like he says it to, I guess, Ward Stifler away, but it all only attracts him further. He knows, Jim knows that this is his big night.

We've had a couple of scenes where he's like, hey, future in-laws, I want to have a dinner with you and tell you why I think I'm fit to marry your daughter. Even though we're planning the wedding and your fucking opinion doesn't matter anyway, but okay. So that's his whole thing. He's saying all this because he wants to ensure no one is going to bother them. And if you're going to do that, take them out to dinner. I mean, I guess there's no one of restaurants because you've been bad. for getting blow jobs and all of them. But possibly, that was the sixth restaurant.

He got sucked off at town this year alone. Well, that was my question. Because when we get to the house, when Jim enters, it looks like they're coming back from dinner. Because they drive up and he's in a suit and everything. I'm like, didn't you just do dinner? But no, no, no, no. You're totally right.

You're having a dinner in the house. And I'm like, oh, but where were you? Did you pick them up from a hotel? Are they in a hotel? I thought they were here. What's going on here? You're totally right though, Chris, because they're giving him a ride. Like, he's in the back seat.

So it's like, where were you? And he's also fucking going on here. This turkey just in the oven. That's a bad idea. You left your fucking house for how long? And also, I'm sorry, like the rest of the buds and bear and the two ladies work in the evening. Like, if you walk into a house that's been cooking a turkey, from the front door you can smell the turkey. you don't need to sashay into that kitchen

before you smell what's cooking. Yeah, you know dinner is going to happen. And again, like this, so we still first throw in this Bachelor party. He's got Bear and the two ladies. It's going to be really exciting and fun. I think and they start, the gag is like one is in a cop uniform

and the kind of dominatrixie and the other ones are French. They're both kind of dominatrixy on the more dominatric side of things. Yeah, they're extreme versions of what their characters are. There's a weird thing with the other one, Fraulein Brandi, which is German, and then she's supposed to be a French maid. I don't know. I guess a Vichy France.

Well, again, dude, we've already been able to determine, that's very funny. We've already been able to determine, though, right, that it's quite possible the writer of this movie didn't watch the other two, so it's also quite possible that the writer of this movie doesn't know that Fraulein is German and not French. It's entirely, but there's a lot of not knowing in this screenplay. I mean, George Soros should have told you that. Sure, he helped, gave some notes on the script. And the idea of having, I mean, like, I've been to some bachelor parties, some wild ones. I didn't have one myself. Even no one on the show really had like a bachelor party with strippers or anything like that.

It's not really like our vibe. We went to a Yankee game and then ate steak at my bachelor party. But we had a great one for Eric's in the. Oh, Cabin in the woods. Oh, yes. We did a horror movie for Eric's, uh, bachelor party. But it's not a vibe, but I mean, I've been to some, the idea of having just three guys and two strippers, that's an orgy. That's not a bachelor party. Like, you know what I mean?

I get it to be funny if like the milf guys are there. Here comes the Shermanator and like everybody's kind of doing silly stuff. And it's also just not this individual sexual attention that you're getting from someone. You're watching a performance. You're not being zero in on by the performer the whole time, right? Exactly. This is like direct contact here. Well, that's my question. Are they prostitutes?

Yeah. Like, are we going to be eventually, like, had the in-laws not been there, if Jim just came home, the party got off the way it was supposed to, pun intended there, I guess, like, are these women going to be, like, jerking these dudes off? Like, you know what I mean? Because, like, it's kind of unclear because it's a lot of, like, They say stuff like, oh, just wait till later. That's got to wait till later.

And then like, you know, they're saying like, oh, find something in the kitchen that I can lick off you. And I'm like, well, that's not what strippers do? No. So like what are the guidelines of this bachelor party? Anything goes at this party, you know, even the dogs could show up. I mean, yeah, I'm more towards Eric's side on this because the way, especially the way that Bear says, I manage some girls. Yeah. That to me suggests that they are a full service in the situation.

Oh, by the way, they do dance with the little dog during one of these sexual escapades. So they are getting the canines in involved. Yes, that's right. But I love, I love Bear wearing the puffy shirt from Seinfeld and these leather pants with the ass out the back. I don't know why he's dressed like Lestat in this scene, but sure. Because he's managing the girls, dude. This is his girls managing costume. And then there's a quick moment where he's in drag and, you know, the, what the fuck

Buffalo Bill joke hits like a thud. This Diffler shit is fucking disgusting. There's so much of this that is part of the unrated addition. So yeah, bear changing costumes. Yeah, that's and all the Stifler Buffalo Bill stuff.

Finch is in drag at some point too. Finch and drag only on the unrated cut, bringing the dogs into it, only on the unrated cut. Officer Crystal in what is kind of a funny moment of her on the couch with Stifler and she's just like telling him about like TV shows that she likes to watch.

Like that's not there. Stifler with the sex doll, that's not there. Like, there's so much of this that's just like, let's just let them riff in this hilarious fucking scene. But like, people are changing clothes and then magically just changing back, causing all sorts of continuity errors. It is. It's everywhere.

And yeah, the idea that the one gay guy is just going to just find a closet with ladies' clothes and start wearing them is just sort of like, okay. What on earth are we doing? The go directly to the Buffalo Bill is just so fucking nuts. It's nuclear, man. It really is. I was like,

I don't like Stifler. Now I hate him. Like, I really just want a bus to fucking hit him. I'm done with this guy. Well, it's also just weird because even Bear in the scene, like the character is like,

hey, that's really fucked up, man. Like, because like, Stifler, like, says it and walks away. And he like leans,

like, yells after him down the hallway about it. It's, it just, and I mean, like, yeah, I mean, like,

this should be the big set piece of the movie is the Bachelor Party. It's I get it to mean, this is what you've wanted from the American Prime Guys. Right. And it just sort of, it's all just, to your point, Andrew, it is just sort of scatter shot, like, they didn't write a lot for this. They just sort of like, we'll just get

everybody on set and see what happens kind of a thing and you feel that balloon kind of deflate a bit. And when you see, especially if you're watching the unrated cut, when you see like Bear doing the costume stuff, it then kind of feels like you're just at some like bad improv

of a show where they were like, here's a box of shit. Pull something out of the box and use it in the scene. You know what I mean? Because that's why like Kevin's, they found a roll of duct tape. So now Kevin's just got fucking duct tape over his face and he's tied to this chair and it's this weird like he definitely like doesn't want to. And he's

mentioning like a girlfriend that he's got. That woman doesn't even have a name. We don't know if it's Tara Reid. Probably not. Right. And he's like, my girlfriend's got all these strict rules about all this stuff. And they're like, we don't fucking care. Because we may or may not be sex workers. Wait, who

put the full thing of chocolate syrup in the prop bucket? Guys, that's going to go bad. We can't just have that shit in here. Finch is lubed up with chocolate. It's spilled all over the fucking house. It's fucking disgusting. He realizes there's a turkey there. And oh,

the mother-in-law and father-in-law and Jim arrived for this dinner and now it's this comedy of errors of hiding Finch in the cabinet, putting Kevin in the closet tied to this chair. Bear is pretending that he's like a butler that Jim

is hired for the evening. Name Mr. Belvedere. That's kind of funny. Jim and Fred Willard are trying to take the turkey about trying to serve it and they open the little fucking closet and there is fucking Finch and I

imagine him saying sacre bleu before fucking closing it and then giving him the goddamn plate. I think it's American pie. The franchise is only jump scare. Like, you fucking open this cabinet and there's just like a dude covered in something. You don't know what. Here's your plate. Yeah, he looks like the woman by the dumpster in Mahal and Drive.

It'd be great if Jim just fell down like that guy does. Hey, great Madman connection. Wasn't that guy in Madman? Yeah, he was. That's right. He was, uh, it's potato chips, right? This comedian spokesperson. Oh, yeah, he was a stand up. That's what it was. Oh, yeah. Barrett? Do I have that right? Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm in the middle of a rewatch. You watching it on a disc set that you purchased? I mean, I had the Blu-Rays from yesteryear,

but I've been watching the HBO supposed 4K stream. It looks good. But you're not getting them censored apps, are you? No, you are. Oh, is that right? They're back out. They just have one of these, like, hey, everyone, this is like a depiction of the past.

Yeah, well, that's the way you do it. Dude, that's how they got all them. episodes of the Muppet Show on there from the 70s. Jesus. But yeah, so it's just this, this goes until it explodes. You know what I mean? We're not going to go through every fucking. No, it's a lot.

Because this takes a while. And then basically, like, they find Kevin in the closet. That's the one thing. What do you call it there? The lady comes out. She takes her top off. Get some more nudity. Yeah, we're all laughing about all of it.

But yeah, Kevin being in the closet is the one thing that they can't do. And still flouras the idea where he's like, oh, I said, this up so Jim would be a hero by saving Kevin and then like the the people are just like yeah I guess that makes sense I mean he's so lucky that Michelle's parents have just some extreme brain damage to the point where they wouldn't believe this story you know there's this line from the mother that's just like well if you put this much thought into trying to impress us I know you're going to be an amazing husband or whatever yeah oh that okay now the inlaws are on on Jim's side I guess we covered that now.

Got that problem solved. But very important in this moment. The mother has also been saying oh, because since Jim couldn't decide on a best man, I'm going to have to decide which groomsman I'm going to give my mother's you know, passed down

ring to or whatever. And she decides in this moment to give it to Steve Stifler. The producer's like, it's got to be Steve Stifler. I mean, he's the funny one. So you've got to give it to the funny one. Yes. And this the seals, Stifler's invitation to, well, it guarantees his presence at the wedding. Is the idea. So we finally, we finally

fucking go. Everybody, get in the goddamn car to go up to this country club in who knows where. And you better fucking believe the good Charlotte is blaring right here. Oh, it sure is. Oh, like a kick in the teeth, this song. You couldn't get away from the song in the early odds, dude. Well, dude, this is the anthem. Throw all your hands up. I don't know what you want me to do about it.

It's another loser. I can believe it. Yeah. Those ugly twins, I couldn't stand that band. One of them, we've talked about this, one of them is married to somebody. Cameron Diaz.

Yeah, that's right. There's an anal beads joke here. There is an anal. They set it up, I'm sure, in the only, in the unrated version where, like, no, it's actually not. Does this go in your ass tonight or mine?

That is a theatrical cut, baby. Wow, okay. Couldn't believe it, yeah. And then somebody, I forget. The mother-in-law is. like she was told it's a massager or neck massager so she's in the car rubbing her

neck with it. Be like, ooh, these are wonderful. These are enormous anal beads. This is like industrial shit. Dude, this is fucking advanced level, dude. This is not your first anal bead. No. You got a fucking blowup pool filled with lube right there. I got these from the set of mud pies

five. I just love it. Oh, no. That was the worst one in the franchise. If you're using those anal beads, it's a real dial 9-1 now and then if this goes south, dial one again because yikes. Oh, somewhere

around here we meet Jim's grandmother here, Eugene Levy's character's mother here and well she's upset, don't you know? She's complaining about missing her shows to come to her disgusting grandson's wedding and I'm right there with you, lady. I know this actress

was the hotel owner in Groundhog Day, I think. Oh, yes. You're totally right. She also plays, this is Angela Patton. She's also in, what do you call it there? Trapped in Paradise, one of my favorite 90s comedies. It probably doesn't age very well, but I loved it as a kid.

Oh, the Dana Carvey movie? Danica Harvey, Nick Cage and John Lovitz. Right, right, right, right, right. A fun actress. And, like, she's doing, like, comedy stuff. You know, she's, again, a professional comedian that's going to do stuff. Yeah, she was a, she was a, like, total. a totally known

like theater actor in like the Bay Area she was known for doing a lot of comedy stuff there and like this is something where like oh where was this the whole movie which is A Jim's Jewish and Michelle is not and like the grandmother's like she's not Jewish and she's like loses her mind which you know happens to this day like that's an interesting

thing to play some comedy around you know what I mean like Yeah that's for smarter comedies than the American pie But then don't do it is the other part of it. Grandma's going to mellow out when she gets laid later. We'll talk about it. There's a moment that made me laugh here at this hotel desk when everyone's trying to check in and Stifler doesn't have a room.

And he goes back and forth with this guy and he says, go blow your dad. Yeah. And it's not that, but I found funny, the guy's reaction, my dad! Yeah.

Yeah, it's literally the first time that dude is like heard that as an insult and he's like very confused about it. Um, yeah, so, uh, whatever. Oh, does everybody remember when, uh, Jim and Stiffel were back in that auditorium? I'm talking about ball shaving because here we go. I do. I do remember that. Jim's shaving his balls, dude.

And like, I, again, this was, this is like in part two where I was like, how do you fuck up jerking off when he thinks that airplane glue is, yeah, how do you fuck up shaving your balls and just putting that in the toilet? Why are we sticking the towel out the window? Like, you're an old Italian woman in the 1920s on the fucking lower East. It's crazy. It's crazy. The toilet is for pee-poo and pubs.

That's three things. Triple P, you. Triple P. Yep. That's what my dad always said. I mean, there's also the garbage can. There's many receptacles for your pubes. Just throwing it out the window.

Also, you're a sex, sexual deviant. You need to find new thrills. Why don't you eat them? Well, the other thing is, is I'm not sure how Jim's doing in the brain department, really. because his first question to Stiffler about this is, do you shave your balls? Yeah, you have to. Are you letting it go?

Have you been letting go since the beginning? Dude, yeah, I was imagining. Are you a dead head down there? Dude, yeah, like a fucking 22-year-old that has never fucking shaved his balls once. Yeah, a deadhead fucking Gene Schallet. I don't know what the fuck you would look like down there. It's just got to be an unstoppable, unpenetrable fucking bush.

Wow, I think we're answering some questions of who shaves balls on this episode. This is exciting. I wouldn't say. I don't kiss and tell. Do you don't do it, Eric? You're against it? I'm not, I think that's a little personal question. That's fine. You know? A lucky listener

might find out. No, they won't. If Steve hands you a towel at our next live show, don't take it. It's full of hair. I do love the mother, though. So of course, like the hair goes down into this exhaust fan, which gets into the fucking kitchen of this. place and there's pubes all over

the kitchen staff. His own mother spitting out his her son's pubic hair is pretty cool. And when they run outside and she sees him, I do love her. Oh, Jimmy, no. It's just like, when you see like a little kid pissing his pants.

I'm surprised how fast we move on from this. They just dump the cake and it's like no big deal. Another legitimate laugh. I'll always laugh at something big and innate and elaborate. Two people having to lift it to a dumpster. It's always going to make me laugh. I don't know why.

It just got me. It's a funny image. I mean, just the hair on the kick alone. I was laughing. But with the mother, you have to imagine with like, it's not to say she's happy about it, but Jim's mom is used to crotch debris of her son being near her to her than she would like. I'm pretty sure at this point. She's gotten used to it.

He fucked her pie. She probably had to dispose of that thing at some point. You know, she knows that. She knows that. So she's just disappointment now. I kind of get it. I would sincerely hope that Jim threw out the pie that he fucked and did believe that for his mother. I don't know.

No, no, it's we will tell your mother we ate it. Exactly. Oh, right. Yes. So they do dispose of the evidence. That's right. We do have a Eugene Levy line here where he's like, I didn't know that people did that. Which means, I mean, like, also it's, I think it would be it's a fool's endeavor for Eugene Levy to even trim those people.

They're going back. It's like the Santa Claus. Like the second he cuts hair on that body, it grows right back. He's a wolf man. Forget growing right back. It's like giving Superman a haircut. The razor can't even fucking penetrate it. You're just breaking trimmers left and right,

trying to shave Eugene Levy's pubs. It's like dumb and dumber when they try to cut his nails. You know, sparks are coming off. So we get to, it's like one kind of fairly gross thing into like the grossest part of the movie, which is right here where Stifler and Cadence are walking with her parents' dogs. And this is where she's like, hey,

I'm pretty sure I'm right, but I'm going to ask you anyway, and you'll probably lie to me, but are you faking this just to have sex with me? Are you pretending you're this person or whatever? And like, he denies it to share a quick smooch, and he's got to pretend like he gives a shit that the parents just caught them or whatever.

And as he's like trying to pass it off, is like, oh, I'm not doing anything. I'm just feeding your dogs. Well, Doesn't he in one of these little bacon bits things, throw out the fucking ring with the dog food, which is like, dude, why would this leave the hotel room safe for you? The fucking ring is loose in your pocket? Are you out of your fucking mind, brother?

What the hell is going on? For those. And Jim needs to go up to Stifler, even after the mother is like, well, Stephen, you win the whatever race that I had for you, boys. You got to get that to me. Thanks. You can hand it to me on the day,

but until then, I'm going to hold on to it because you're going to shove it up your ass or sell it to a prostitutor. I don't know what idiot thing you're going to do with this Steven Stifler, but I'm not going to allow that to happen to my special day. Thank you very much. I do, though, as dumb as it is, and the payoff is absolutely

disgusting. Sean Williams got sitting there, angrily staring at these dogs being like, come on, just shit. I think it's kind of funny. I mean, this dog needs to go to the hospital first and foremost. Seriously. Also, if it's like digesting something through its system that fast, I mean, I know like human beings, it takes about 24 hours to get, you know, but like with dogs, is that faster? I don't know. Vet tech listeners out there.

Is this something that's biologically possible with the dog? And it's a small, it's a small dog that eats it, right? Yes. So I feel like, you know, just kind of squeeze it up like a tube of toothpaste maybe. Pop out. Is that possible? Vets weigh in. It's possible. It's definitely going to kill the dog, but you can do it.

These things happen. Choices. But so finally, the dog takes a shit and he has a little like big good thing or whatever, little appetizer from whatever now cocktail hour they're at here. And he takes the paper wrapper and picks up the dog shit. And as he's running away, the parents are talking or whatever, her parents are talking with Jim's mom. It's like, oh, Jim's mom wants to see the ring.

Come over here. Oh, I don't have it. Okay, what do you have in your hand there? Oh, it's some fudge. Oh, don't you, Fred Willard's like, my wife loves the fudge. Oh, I get a little taste in there. And you're just like, oh, man. Oh, boy.

Here we go. She just wants that chocolate truffle. And instead of just like, again, this is the Chris Cabin School of Social Interaction right here. I'm sorry, ma'am. I have to go take a shit. And you just run. Just run away. They'll be like, well, that was weird.

but that's the end of it. And the best part, Steve Stiffler, you don't have to consume dog shit, which is what happens to you right here. Yeah, he turns into Divine for a couple of seconds. Oh, go. The beautiful divine was happy to eat that dog shit. That's true.

It wasn't a squirm about it. She was happy to eat it. And she ate the real thing, man. She really, she went for it. Makes you think if it was all worth it in the end. I don't know. I read this was what chocolate and Play-Doh mixed together here?

Well, this is another extended moment because Willard now is just, he's got a bunch of runners here in this unrated version where he's just like another line out to Steve Stifler, you know, describe it from the lovely lady. Wow, these must be like droppings from the gods and any kind of like shit joke here. And the gag is because Stifler is like refusing, and I can see why this was, they made them cut this from the movie. Steve Stifler is of course refusing to swallow the feces but he keeps chewing it and not swallowing and the saliva is sort of making it

like mushyer and it's starting to like drool out of his fucking mouth and then it like cuts and he's like I gotta go and then it's like back to the theatrical where his face is like not disgusting again like yeah sometimes these unrated things for the DVD sales

were not worth it because your movie just looks really jankly and error filled but yeah but yeah it's great it's amazing it's wonderful whatever

we have sort of the grandma around here does her whole oh not Jewish Jimmy blah blah blah blah blah that sort of happens here is this when does Fred Willer do the toast

this is this is right after that yes it's right here and I do love this this is where he does say though the last few weeks we you know we met people we haven't seen a while we met people that didn't know

existed blah blah blah blah blah blah law, you know, and to my, you know, future son-in-law, you know, slantia or whatever he's, or Aaron Gobrah, I think he says, which is weird, say slantia, weirdo, and then, yeah, and to my daughter, Lechayam, did I say that right? I love Eugene Levy. Oh, very good, very good. And now, may our families hope to sit many happy shivers together. And the look on Eugene Levy's face at that is one of the funniest reactions. Yeah, it's so good. I mean, Eugene Levy, He can, every single one of these is redeemed by him in a way. Yeah.

Yep. Yeah. Just, just when it's like, you're certain the movies crashing into the mountain face, there's Eugene Levy to pull it back. Pull the nose back up one more time with a good joke delivery. He always makes things better. I just watch the, uh, the Martin Short, uh, doc. Uh, and he's all over it.

Uh, and he's, he's really funny in it talking about their old days and SECV and everything. Is that kind of just the same thing as that John Candy, Doc? it's much better than the John Candy Doc. The John Candy Doc, I do not like this. I thought was pretty well done. Headline, nice man is nice. Exactly. Well, just these movies where it's like, you know, and then he did this movie. And then he did that movie. It's not, I mean, there is that, but it's a lot of, he was crazy with the fucking home recorder. He was, there's a lot of home movies and they take a long time with them. And because he was, he famously had like Spielberg, Hank's, They were all over to his house all the time. So there's like actual stuff that's worthwhile to watch. Whereas John Candy, all the home video stuff they had in that John Candy talk, they don't like spend time with it. They don't like, it's just to be like, here's something to lay over while we talk about how sad it is that John Candy isn't here anymore.

Rather than like, what was it like to be with these people at the time, which is what I'm here to do. Right. And I just, it's a much, much better production all over because Larry Kasden directed it. Oh, okay, that's cool. So whatever, Stifler and Cadens make a plan to meet in a linen closet and get down to fucking. And he's going to grab a bottle of champagne. And this is where Finch intercepts him. And this is, I don't know what this was supposed to be, what they thought they were going to do.

Because Finch's line is like, oh, Stifler, there you are. Listen, Jim's grandmother has not given her blessing. And we need to run interference. And unfortunately, I can't believe I'm saying this. We need your help. And I was like, what is the plan? No, no idea. What are you, what are you gonna run interference on?

What are you taught? What is any of this shit? Maybe killer. Maybe you just kill her. Like, keep her from saying fucking goyum in the middle of the fucking ceremony. Push her out into the lake, dude. Just fucking let her go. Oh, hell.

So many of these, like, sexual dalliances are like old school canterbury tales-esque body. It's like, let us meet in the clock. it and then I'll deflower you you know what I mean? Yes, yeah. It's very bizarre. There's way too much talk of deflowering in this movie, by the way.

That's something that should be retired if it hasn't already been. Well, while Stifler, to go back, when Stifler is first finds out about Cadence and he's sniffing around like a dog, he starts licking and sweating even more when she says I'm a virgin. Oh, yes, he's way into it.

Right, yeah, which I never understand that. It's like, so you're exactly. excited that that's someone with no experience and has no real idea what's to be done here. How is that exciting for you? Why is that a goal? First one there, man. Yeah, that's just dumb. It's gay to put your penis where someone else has been, dude. Obviously, that makes you sort of gay. I don't know. Totally forgot about that. And there's a perfectly good dog right there. So when Stifler, of course, was looking for that champagne that he found there, he accidentally

messed up something with the walk-in refrigerator where they're keeping all the flowers and now it turned into a big oven and all the flowers for the wedding are dead Stiffler did it, you ruined everything why don't just go home Stifler get out of here Stiffin nobody wants you at this wedding Yeah

He is I mean it is like a dog movie in a way So I do kind of get that And this honestly This is fucked up of Finch Finch was there when this was happening And he know totally what was happening and he let it happen so that Stifler got in trouble. And like you could, he could have been right there and be like,

just turn the shit back on, make sure it's all fucking okay. But no, no, no, no, no. He wants Stifler to get in trouble. And look, I'm happy to. I like that he's getting kicked out and that he has to maybe lick his wounds for five fucking minutes before everybody loves him again. That's nice. Well, I'll tell you, it's at least, you know, however long it takes for him to drive back

to East Falls and then back up to wherever. Because he literally drives home. And then as he's driving back into town, he sees the sign for the flower shop and remembers that he was there for the flower arrangements or whatever. And so we're going to the flower lady's house and fucking yelling at her to wake her ass up. Did we mention that he blew it with January Jones here too? Oh, yeah. It's one of those things where he's like, I'm just, you know, scamming this dumb bitch or whatever. Right.

I'm going to be sucking her nipples like I'm milking a cow. Oh, yes. acting it all out and she's right behind him. Betty, you could do better than that. Yes, yes. But you're right. This is totally Stifler's movie because here's this moment of all is lost and it's Stifler's moment.

Yes, Stifler is the one that writes the ship because he has this really funny, we don't quit at halftime, ma'am. And it's like, that is the thing that makes this woman turn the light back on and be like, all right, you dumb son of a bitch, let's get flowering. And I'm going to do it for. Free. Yes. Free.

That's the other thing. We was talking about like how, you know, everybody in this movie is like totally fine, right? Because similarly,

when that wedding cake gets thrown out due to the, the pubining, no one is like, fuck, now we have to pay for another $500 wedding cake or whatever it is.

It's just like, she's like, try not to mess up the next one or whatever. And it's like, the line should be, try not to mess up the next one. By the way, it will be another $500.

Yes. Oh, big time. but they wake up the next morning and you know, Jim's like, what's all this hullabaloo outside? Michelle wakes up, what's going on?

Steve Stifler had, because the lady that night is like, look, I had two assistants and it took us two days. And he's like, hmm, where could I get more labor? So he has recruited the football team to come help get the flower arrangements together

and then driven the school bus back up to the country club and all these two football players are just loading in all these flowers. And it's funny because two of, two of the football players are like rehearsing the wedding for some reason and like one's the guy and one's the girl and I'm like what even is this. I have no idea what that's supposed to be. I also don't know why Bear is just there now. Why is Bear at this wedding? He tested well, Andrew. And like I don't mind the character, but you just have to have something about like, oh and I ran into Bear. Because like Bear where we know lives in the city of Chicago.

which we are told earlier in the movie is a three-hour drive from where they live. So, like, how is it? Like, there has to be something about, like, well, I saved your ass at that bachelor party for a little while, so I now have an invite to your wedding. And also, like, if bears there, the lady's got to be there.

I'm sorry. That'd be fun. Your cop and your fucking fake frow line in there as well. Because, oh, also somewhere, it's already happened before the wedding, but yes, Steve Stifler has had some sort of semi-consensual sex with this grandmother, which Oh, good God. In the closet here

we have all of that. Your body isn't what I thought it would be, but that's okay. The Usher is hilariously dump her in a closet because she's annoying, which is kind of funny. John Cho's like, she totally sucked, so we got rid of her. So Steve Stifler is entering the crevasse from which

Eugene Levy crawled out of as a baby and he's getting in there. And she likes it, you know, and she's having a great time. And again, the body of the Canterbury Tales where it's like, I shall be in the closet for us to have our dalliance.

Oh no, the grandmother's in the closet and I'm deflowering her now. It's very old fashioned is what I would say. Oh, but can you really deflower a wilted rose? But they make sure that the audience

knows the grandmother is into it. Because she sits up and you can see this old lady is supposed to be like, topless kind of and she's like, focus, focus, keep fucking me, young man. But, and this works. This is a good interference here, right? Because now she doesn't give a fuck about anything in terms of, you know, she's not

Jewish or whatever. And he also is like, oh, your body isn't what I imagined would be like January Jones. And I'm like, come on, dude. Let's just. Yeah. This isn't even the shining at this point. Like, you know what I mean? It's not the same body type at all.

Also, for the entirety of this movie, except for this part, she's in a wheelchair. Great point. Yeah, trouble. I do love Eugene Levy pointing out, though, with her walking down the, you know, watching everybody walk down the aisle. He's up there with Jim, and he looks and he's like, you see my mother? Look at the look on my mother's face. Look how happy she is.

It's just so fucking good. The Finch and him like, grandmotherfucker, motherfucker, I was like, okay. Yeah. That's nice. That's fun. I do like also earlier when Stiffler and Finch kind of have a moment while they're tying their ties

and he's like, fuck, I hate not hating you anymore or whatever. And he's like, well, may I remind you, Stifler? I fucked your mother twice. And he's like, that's more like you piece of shit or whatever the line is. But yeah, so we do the vows or whatever and Jim's dad has helped Michelle earlier in the

film sort of find some inspiration for her vows. We do mention the pub shaving here. A special haircut? And then Like, you know, that's kind of the joke there. And, you know, whatever they get married, we have the wedding reception. Jim surprises her with being a nice dancer here and everybody's just kind of having a good time. And this is, I don't know if this has ever happened in a movie.

And if you can think of one, let me know. A moment in a movie where you have the original recording of a song play through a decent chunk of a scene. And then at a point in the scene, it switches. to a cover of a song. Wow. Yeah, okay. Because this is what happens here. It's Into the Mystic is their wedding song, right?

And it's, it's, what's his face, our Irish fellow here. Van. Van Morrison, of course. It's the Van Morrison version of Into the Mystic. And then when Stiffler's mom is there and so it's like, oh, here's so Finchie, well, and they have their thing. And then she's like, let's go to my two-room suite upstairs. the shot of them running away from the reception,

it cuts into the wallflowers doing the same song. Gotta get my brother in there, man. Then just use it the whole fucking time because it's weird and disorienting. Also, you cut from the better version to the less good cover version. Like, brother or no, come on. That's one of Van Morrison's best songs.

The only thing I can think of is, at first I thought they thought they went, into the original comfortably numb and then into the Van Morrison cover of Comfortably Numb and the departed but it's just the Van Morrison cover of comfortably numb

apparently Jennifer Coolidge has said that she's gotten laid a lot because of this movie which is very funny, not this movie but the American Pie movies just like people really wanted to try it out and I was happy to oblige which you had a rules. I'm sure it's

a bit facetious but even still it's kind of rules She's banging like 24-year-old dudes probably. Yeah, go for her, man. Pretty sweet. I would love to be doing that. I do love the line as the parents are sort of dancing next to each other. And Michelle's mom is like, oh, it's just hard to believe that tonight our daughter's just going to become a woman or whatever.

And then it's like the Levinstein parents are like, whir. And then like, even Fred Willard's like, well, honey, blah, blah, blah. And then it's just Eugene Levy being like, well, you know, I don't know, we've been around and, you know, all this time. And we didn't have a single instance where we would have thought that was the case. And then like, like, he goes back to dancing with Jim's mom and it's like, wow, they're in the, dark. Holy shit.

They don't know their daughter was giving head at a restaurant. Honey, remember what I told you about the head in the restaurant? You know, we really tried to invite all the parents of the kids that ran out that night. But, you know, Josh Brolin was such. fucking blow hard. We couldn't let him in here. Him and that wife is. They never stop. And it just ends with

Michelle and Jim dancing and then there's a quick, uh-oh. I think they realize like, oh fuck, we didn't end on a joke and we always have to end on a Stifler's mom joke. And so we're up you see Jennifer Coolidge like in a bubble bath. The milf guys are just like on the roof

outside prowling around. Yes, peeping in windows. And this is Finch has been doing some scuba diving going downtown here. They're all like, holy fuck, Fidge, what? And then like the window fogs up and they're all like bummed that they don't have a view of watching a dude they went to high school with. Fuck their other high school chums mom. Can't continue the tradition of jerking off outside of someone's home and, you know, getting nice and jerked off.

We've eaten dog shit. We've, you know, we've done a lot in this. movie sexually. This going downtown in a bubble bath. This is dangerous shit, dude. You should not be putting this into kids' minds, you know? No. You're going to fucking, first of all, just to even try to get down there.

You're going to like break your neck. Forget about the fact that you're underwater. How big is this bathtub? She needs to get up is what needs to happen. You know what I mean? Sitting on the edge of the tub. But that is the end of American wedding. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts.

Mr. Siska? It's ultimately not. a recommend for me. I will, there, the first one is the only one I think worth ever seeing. Eugene Levy and Fred Willard and Bear

are innocent though. They're innocent, but everyone else is guilty. There you go. Chris Cabin. Oh, no way. This fucking sucks.

This one I remembered liking more from the theater because I haven't gone back to this one since. And coming back to it, I was the stiffness of this hit me, like a fucking Mac truck. I couldn't fucking believe it. And like

I couldn't stand any of it. And like yeah, there's funny people in it, but the actual act of watching the movie was so torturous. I cannot. I agree with Eric. The first one's the one you watch. I know Steve doesn't believe you shouldn't watch any of them. But I would say the first one, watch that.

The rest of this shit, keep it in the fucking dumpster, including welcome to Camp Come. Yeah, just the one is the only one. I haven't seen Camp Come. yet. So I'm not judging the side project.

Isn't there a naked mile at some point? Or is that national? Yes, there is a naked mile. And there's Beta House, of course. There is, of course. The Campcom is band camp, I believe. Yes.

Yes, that's the one I am. I am. I, Steve Zanek, how are you feeling? No, it's a no. This feels like the last season of a sitcom. You know what I mean? Like where everybody is kind of on autopilot. Cast members have left seasons prior.

Exactly. And like the stupid character is now to a stupid way you're like, well, this isn't even what he was even a year ago. And now why, you know what I mean? Like all of this is just like running on fumes. I'm glad that they took a long time off and decided. I imagine the reunion has to be better than this, although we'll see. I'm sure we will see if I know this show. We will see.

But I imagine reunion has to be better than this. Because right now it's a one I don't like very much, but it's clear the best. Then the two is a little bit worse than that. And then this is a fucking, this is a fucking nosedive. Oh, look at this. They actually bring back Chris Klein and shit and Tara Reid. Yeah, that's what I was saying. You can tell, like, their careers didn't go the way they thought.

Now you're not too good to do a marriage. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it either. I mean, unless, like, you watch the first two and you just want more. I will admit to when I did first see this, like, you know, theater blinders a little bit. But also, like, it was 2003. It was before everyone I knew got married. married and I went to like, you know, a thousand weddings and a two years span. And I think part of it, you know, was me watching it being like, oh, like, me and my friends will get here at some point.

And that'll be kind of nice. And like, now that like I never want to attend another wedding again, I'm like, I don't know what I saw on this at all. There's just, there's really nothing. Aside from Eugene Levy and co. And like, if you want those people making you laugh and shit, there's a bunch of Christopher guest movies that you can watch instead. There's SCTV. There's tons of movies from the 1980s that those guys showed up in. Some with John Candy, as a matter of fact. So there are better ways to enjoy the funnier parts of this movie.

But we will have to discover if American Reunion is a better film than this, because I don't remember. That is going to do it for this episode. As always, if you want more We Hate Movies, check out the Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies, where you can get episodes just like this one. that you listen to you right now, but absolutely commercial free,

which is pretty right on. Now, we are getting ready here. This is officially now in the... July. The back part now, the tail end of the summer blockbuster extravaganza. There has been a lot of awesome stuff that has come out this month,

including a We Love Movies episode at the top of the month, all about Sam Ramey's Spider-Man 2, which was a lot of fun. We did a Melro 210 the week after that, Chris Cabin. You know, more college. I think we're going to class finally.

I think we're going to one class at least. And I think we are going to New York in Melrose place. We are taking just to check out if they cured cancer over here. Maybe we got it. Who knows? But yeah, it's going to be a great episode. We haven't recorded it yet, but I'm sure it's going to be great. That's right.

And if you are listening to this on the day it comes out, which is Tuesday the 21st of July, come hang out with us tonight for WHM After Dark Live on our Patreon 8 p.m. Eastern. That is for our top Craventier supporters. It's an AMA-style chat show where we just hang out for an hour, take questions from the audience, either from write live in a chat

or a pre-written thing on a comment thread that you can find on Patreon. So stick around tonight. If you're planning on tuning in, get your questions in now if you want to. And also if you are curious, you can't make it that night. The video replay, always available.

And when it turns over, usually like the next morning or so, the audio version of that is also available. So in case you want to take that on the go as well, but that is a lot of fun. This week we do have a lot going on on top of the after dark, as it were. We also, Steve, this Thursday, have an animation damnation coming out.

And since we are recording this a little early, it's fine if we don't have the selection yet. Do you know what we're going to do for July? We do not just yet, unfortunately. But it's going to be super fun. Well, I got a Gleap glossary decided for everyone out there. this is going to be a lot of fun, a lot of nostalgia for us here. We're going to be covering Dash Rendar.

Ooh, that's exciting. Big dog. Yes, and it'll be fun. I'll try to get some sound effects from the video games. Those do go over well, especially all the grunting. Oh, yeah. So that'll be actually coming out this Friday, Eric. And then next week, get ready for the next edition of our contemporary horror recap show,

Scareddy Cats. That is coming out on Thursday, the 30th. We're going to be talking about Evil Dead Rock. because we got Evil Dead Burn out this year. So Evil Dead Rise, we are going back to that apartment complex to talk all about it. And that, again, is another top tier video show that you can get an audio format as well. But it's a lot of fun. And then also, of course, cannot forget, we're closing out the month with another edition of our Star Trek recap show, The Nexus,

which will come out July 31st, which is just pretty much a week before we are going to be out in Las Vegas talking Trek. in one of the best situations possible we'll be playing, of course, STLV, the biggest and most badass Star Trek convention in the world. We're going to be out there doing three live shows of the Nexus, three different performances on, let's see, the Thursday night,

the 6th, the Friday night, the 7th, and the Saturday there, the 8th. Night 1, Steve Sadek, which great Star Trek movie are we talking about? We are talking about Star Trek to the wrath of Khan, ladies and gentlemen. That's an exciting one, right? Yeah.

From hell is hot, I stab it. We also got, you know, weird earplay in that movie. There's a lot down on. Lots to talk about. Too much ear, almost too much earplay, honestly. Then Mr. Siska, that Friday the 7th, which film are we talking about? We're talking about Star Trek Generations. This could be a lot of fun.

See us live in person talking about Kirk being buried under rocks. And then the big finale on Saturday night, Chris Cabin. Oh, first contact. My favorite Star Trek movie. James Bromo for the win, the big man out there doing the real stuff. And, of course, we got to house these borgs. We got to get these fuckers out of here. That's right.

The lawn must be drawn here, dude, because Ooby-duby, dooby-dooey, do-doe. Man, I love that. He's just listening to Roy Orbison drunk. It's fucking great. But yeah, it's going to be really great. All shows are going down at the DeForest Kelly Theater at the Rio Resort. That is where the whole convention is happening.

The rad thing is, if you're attending the convention, of course, you can get tickets to the show. The cool thing, though, is that if you are not attending the convention, it's totally fine. Those shows are separately ticketed, so you can come to Vegas. find that all you can eat buffet, maybe hit up the Caesar Sportsbook, make some bad decisions, and then just let us help you laugh away your hangover at night each night during STLV. It's going to be a lot of fun. All tickets available on our website, WHM Podcast.com, you can get all the information as to how to get them. Now, we are going to conclude, I can't even believe I'm saying it.

We're going to conclude the summer blockbuster extravaganza, Steve Seatic, with one more. And this is an actual blockbuster film we're discussing. It is. And it was in the summer as well. It was Spider-Man far from home. That's the second one with Mysterio. Right. Far from home.

We're going to break our little rule that doesn't really matter to talk about Spider-Men because there's a Spider-Man movie coming out. This is very excited. That's right. So, yeah, this is Jake Gyllenhaal. This is like the European vacation one. Yes. This is the drone shooting glasses, which is a bit of an awkward part of that film. Oh, that's right.

And so until next week with Spider-Man's magic glasses, I've been Andrew Juppin. Steven Sadek. Eric Sisker. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.