We Hate Movies - S16 Ep876: Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

“This felt like a season of a television show” - SteveOn the season sixteen finale of WHM, we’re bringing the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza to a close with a talk about the kinda-good/kinda-not Homecoming follow-up, Spider-Man: Far From Home!  How boring are these Elemental villains? Did they really need to do the European Vacation trope? Should they have instead taken the story to Hollywood to have Spider-Man tangle with the actual Quentin Beck special F/X whiz guy from the comics? How great is Gyllenhaal here? Did the MCU ever really grapple with The Blip aftermath? And did we really need all the S.H.I.E.L.D. shenanigans in this one? PLUS: An extended rant on the trials and tribulations of using the bathroom on a plane! Spider-Man: Far From Home stars Tom Holland, Samuel L. Jackson, Marisa Tomei, Jon Favreau, Zendaya, Jacob Battalion, Tony Revolori, Angourie Rice, Remy Hill, Martin Starr, J.B. Smoove, Cobie Smulders, J.K. Simmons, and Jake Gyllenhaal as Mysterio; directed by Jon Watts.Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Khan, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!This episode is brought to you by HIMs. Ready to reach your goals? Visit HIMS DOT COM SLASH WHM to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you.Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Hey folks, before we get to this episode on Spider-Man, Far From Home, Eric and I are here to tell you about what is going on? I think, what is it? Jesus, just next week? Whoa, yes. Next week. Can you believe it? We're going to be far from home.

We're going to be in Las Vegas, Nevada. That's right. And we are going to be there. All four of us are going to be there on hand at STLV, which is celebrating the 60th anniversary of the Star Trek franchise. St.LV is the biggest, most badass Star Trek convention. in the world. They're celebrating 60 years of the franchise. And we happen to be celebrating 10 years of doing our Star Trek recap show, The Nexus. So it is like peanut butter and jelly, baby. We are going to be

out there. Let's see, August 6th, 7th and 8th. August 6th. What are we doing August 6th, Eric? We are talking Star Trek 2, The Wrath of Khan. This is going to be a 7.30 p.m. show. It's going to be a lot of fun. Ricardo Montelbaum won't be there, but did we talk about? Oh, he will be talked about for sure because from hell's heart he stabbed at the. And then Friday, August 7th, we're going to be talking Star Trek Generations. This is the late show, guys. This is 10.30 p.m. This is going to be Sin City Talk.

It's going to be filthy. It's going to be disgusting. Let's just say you're going to be disappointed if you miss this one. That's right. This ain't your grandmama's Star Trek podcast. And then Saturday night, what are we closing out with on Saturday? We are doing Star Trek first contact. I believe it's a 30th anniversary of that movie as well.

My God, that is a great picture, and it's going to be so much fun talking about all the borgs and whatever else happened. And the sexy Borg queen, of course, and data being sexually pleasured and whatnot. That's a dirty show too, but that's going to be 7.30 p.m. We'll call it 7.30 p.m. 7. Indeed, I like that. Also, we just learned the cool thing is the day before we do this first contact show earlier on that day. earlier Friday at the convention, they're going to be screening Star Trek First Contact. So if you're at the con or you're in Vegas to see our show, you can see a screening of the movie. And then you can hear us and watch us talk about it afterwards. It's a lot of fun.

That's amazing. And yeah, you do not need convention passes to attend our shows. So also just think about the people watching. Oh, my God. This is going to be an event you're not going to want to miss. We're going to be there. There's meet and greets. There's a ton of stuff. Look through the tickets.

See what works for you. And we'll see you there. That's right. The tickets information can be found over at WHMpodcast.com. All right, that's it. It's now time for the season 16 finale of We Hate Movies. The line must be drawn here. This far, no further. This week on the program, someone called Verizon because we've got people phoning it in in Spider-Man. Far from home. I'm Andrew Jupin. I'm Post-Blip Steven Sadek. Night Monkey. Chris Cabin.

And this is the season 16 finale of We Hate Movies. movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hey Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine pot as always. That's right. Holy smokes.

The summer blockbuster extravaganza is going to sleep after this. Oh, it's got to go to sleep. It's got to take a nap for a year. This is the end of the normally scheduled protocol. Correct.

But we are, there's going to be live episodes. Oh, August. Those are also big honking titles. They are. And especially one of them, I believe the Total Recall

episode will contain the VHS trailer game finale. Absolutely. And then we will be prepared for the fall shrugs, as we like to call them. We go from the summer extravagance to the fall shrugs. We enjoy, we love doing those episodes, fantastic episodes, every one of them. But we have to cool down after the summer. Come on now.

You got to cool down. I mean, like the four of us we're sitting here right now. Our brains are melted. We've watched so many movies over this past season. It's ridiculous. It's been tough. This is the hardest job there is. You always thinking of the troops.

You know what? When they get off a plane, they should salute me. I keep asking for that. Yeah. I think that's why you keep on getting punched. I'm going to tell you this now. I think if you were looking for a reason, that's probably it. I go to the airport with...

Why aren't you doing it to me? Why aren't you saluting? Yeah, I throw a rat and fruit at them at the airport. Just let me tell you. I mean, it was the worst idea for Memorial Day activity. I have to be a fun little prank. By the way, we have... It's okay to like a movie.

Yes, sir. Not this one, though. No, no. All the other one, sure, I will say for sure. But this one sucks. Now Chris. What? What's that?

What are you doing? I'm just calming you. That's not going to help. It is okay to like a movie. That's not going to help. Yes. It's okay. This is not the worst of these latters or more recent Spider-Man movies.

Let's put it that way. It's a big Spider-Man movie. There's a big Spider-Man movie coming out. So we're doing a Spider-Man movie. Exactly. We got a brand new day heading our way. That's right. A brand-new day heading our way.

Oh, yeah. And also, we are recording this prior to seeing The Odyssey. I've heard good things maybe about Tom Holland in that. So we will criticize him, but keep in mind we don't know what we're talking about. We haven't seen Odyssey and we haven't seen the brand new day. Neither of them have hit our eyes quite yet. We are from the past right now. I've not seen Cherry yet.

Is that supposed to be the good one? That's where he's like a drug addict or something. He's a serviceman. He's in the Army. Oh, that's right. I have not seen clown house or whatever he was. Clown house. Was it like crowded house or something?

Oh, yes. The one about mental illness. And it was like, oh, yeah. I think it's called crowded. The crowded room. Dude, I'll watch whatever clown house is. It's a Netflix thing. I'm really excited.

I'm going to do series called Clown House. Each week I've got different clown makeup on. It's pretty cool. Sinty is leaving me. Oh, my God. So, yeah, so if you're new to the program, that's the Tom Holland in print. Which is very unfair, but it's fine. incredibly unfair. He's getting older. The voice is coming into his own.

Well, it's just, it's, it makes sense when you go, Mr. Stark, because that's kind of what the character, yes. The character that they've portrayed this version of Spider-Man is. I will say I rewatched Homecoming for this, kind of just to lead up. And that movie holds up. Movie is great. I think that movie is actually a great Spider-Man movie. Fun little movie. Another great Spider-Man movie, a better Spider-Man movie. Spider-Man 2 is our WLM on the Patreon this month. If you want to catch up on that, I believe Spider-1's on that feed as well, probably. floating around on there somewhere. We've talked a lot of Spider-Man. I kid you not.

I enjoyed. But I really, I was like, oh, you know, does Homecoming hold up? It does. And I think Holland has a lot of interesting points for the character. But this is when, and it bothers you in that movie a little bit. It's like, is there too much Tony Stark in that movie? Is there too much MCU in that movie? And then this movie just gets fucked in the face by the MCU.

It's crazy that this movie takes place after the death of Tony Stark. feels like Tony Stark is in this movie more than he's in Homecoming. And that is my biggest beef with this is like, one, I hate the European vacation of it all. But two, like, this movie is so far up Tony Stark's ass that it's like, if you were doing a drink every time someone mentions the recently departed Tony Stark in this movie, you'd be fucking boozed out of your mind before the first hour was up. That's true. And we should say it's up his dead ass. His ass is fucking dead. His ass is dead.

His ass is dead. They're just fucking doing graffiti and like pop art everywhere. Around the world. Well, I mean, he saved the world. In fucking Prague. Give me a break here, guys. He saved the world. I understand that, but no.

Prague's included in the world. Prague is in the world, but it doesn't count. There's no graffiti going on in Prague. Yeah, or do you think it should be like closer to where the portals were is where the, the complimentary graffiti should be? Maybe. But like, yeah, I do need to know, because a lot of these countries have to have like a not great view of these Avengers, right? Right. Yeah.

So, like, every fucking place you go, it's, fucking. the Tony Stark or Ironman. Well, that's sort of the problem, one of the problems with this movie is like, it's, and game came out in April, this came out in July, so it's very much like, we need to react to end game there, yeah. And this is the beginning of whatever this phase is that where it's like, or I guess it's the end of whatever the last phase, well, who gives it? According to Disney Plus at least, this is like the ass end of the Infinity Saga.

That's the, that's the row that the movie is listed. So this is still, in that? April, that movie came out and this came out in July. Yeah. Man, it really feels like TV, these movies. Yeah, of course. This felt like a season of a television show. And the thing is, like, the blip has never made sense.

It's never been. Well, it's not a real thing. It's from a comic. Yeah. But they've never, like, made it make sense logistically, emotionally. And this is the movie where they try to, though, right? They try to do things. Well, this is the first time.

We're rolling this idea out. They really did. Because you can't, you can't just ignore that, right? So you have things in this movie like, Ant May being like, geez, when I blipped back in, someone was living in my apartment. So you get kind of that stuff. And that's what Feast is doing a lot in this movie is like helping people reintegrate after the blip and whatever. But like it's so on the peripheral, but it's such a major thing that it's weird that it's on the peripheral.

It's a time suck. I wanted a spy like what Homecoming does correctly is it is a Spider-Man movie. Spider-Man versus Vulture and he has a love interest. These are very simple things. have a good director or decent script in there you can make that thing work. This I got to deal with fucking Nick Fury I got to deal with the scrolls

I got to do with the aftermath of the blip I don't care about any of it. It's a jam-packed movie and that you know you're in trouble right from this and I remember like because I saw this in theaters and I remember kind of like sighing because the start of this movie in Tenco Mexico

I'm sure I butchered that sorry but our two favorite fucking shield agents of the first it's it's Fury and Maria Hill and you're just like I bought a GD ticket for a Spider-Man movie I just saw I listen I went to the theaters I saw all the Avengers shit a few months ago just give me a Spider-Man movie and this movie

just it couldn't help itself well what I wonder is because this opening Steve I should ask you this one when you were watching this scene in Mexico and he says that it was a cyclone but it had a face yeah are did you like feel chills or anything like that because like i would assume if you want to do a scene like this to open up

a movie having nothing to do with your actual hero of your movie in this moment right that like it would be teasing a big villain they're like oh my god yeah that's what's that's that's that's that's mysterious or whatever the fuck but it's just like oh my god there was a cyclone and there's a so did you have chills no i did i think you're not i figured not i had chills did you i did close the window or well i was running i was at a fever at the time Very sick. Understand. It does.

I mean, that's the elemental part of this too, which is a big part of the movie, which winds up getting folded into the mysterious story, but they're not interesting to look at. They're not kind of cool to have, it's very like fire guy, water guy. I mean, Hydro Man's a real Spider-Man villain. Is that right?

Yeah. What's his deal? There's a water guy. He turns into water. That would do. Oh, shit. Wow. Defeat him by flushing him down the toilet.

Orova! Hydrobin! Flush. Oh, it's going to. on the other way. No, they're in the same hemisphere here. But that's Hydra Man struggling to live. He's trying to get out of the ball.

No, no, no. No, we did that AD on Spider-Man and his amazing friends. And in the opening of that show, like in the theme song, there basically is like the fire elemental that they're firing, that they're fighting, rather. And I have to say, that shittily drawn cartoon from 1981 or whatever it was looks

way more interesting than the design of these elemental dudes in this movie. We sat through all of the fucking Lord of the Rings rip-offs that have some version of that. Either the wrath or the clash of the Titans has something like this. I know it. And it just looks

boring as shit when I'm like, okay, could I get more mysterious, please? Less of the element see, are the elementals real? Are in the comics? Probably. I'll look it up. Okay. That was what I was wondering because I'm like, is somebody like, yay, the elementals? Because I can't imagine it. I'll tell you what. It just, that

shit reeks of like eternals kind of stuff. Yeah. I'm just like, no thank you. I don't need any of that. But yeah, this you get Jillen Hall right away here. He blasts in his Mysterio and I I like the fact. Great beard. Great beard. It looks awesome. I like the fact that this is a quick cold open. He's just you don't want any part of this and he starts blasting the thing and that's just the opening of the movie I think is pretty

cool. Homecoming does a similar like way quick. The vulture. Just the vulture opening way quick and you're just in it. and you get what's going on. So I do appreciate this. I just don't, this iteration of Mysterio, I said it on the AD. I'll say it here once again,

if you took this movie to Hollywood where Quentin is a special effects artist like in the comics, you can do some cool shit. Spidey goes to Hollywood. He's on a fucking movie lot. Yeah. There's things going on.

No elemental. I'm just dumb elemental stuff. I'm out of here. They keep doing this thing. And the latter part of the movie, because the movie is very segmented, the latter part of the movie talks a lot about, which I think is smart,

like fake news and like what you know what I mean like yeah people will believe what I want them to believe and I'm like yeah a to one end uh and B like that's not what the movie is the movie is sort of like hydro man and fire bullshit and you know what I mean and also like yeah we are because the spider me like is am i going to get a kiss from mj and all that stuff and that's stuff's fine but there's just so much here that it's just hard to care about any of it i'm sure he looks silly as hell but I would love hydra man over these elementals because the other thing about the Elementals is they have such great lines and brah!

You want them like talking? Yes. Anything to give me a character here. We want what you want. Civilization. Yeah, apparently there is a Marvel group called the Elementals. And they are like sand guy. Yeah, what we got here? We've got Hellfire. It's a leader of the villainous

generate flames. Hydron, with aquatic powers. You got Magnum on this guy. Oh, that guy's got a huge dick. Our minerals and rock Mr. Starkwood in the magnum In case magnum Stop kidding yourself kid And then Zephyr the sole female of the team

Is the power to control wind Fly away on my Zephy That's just a farting guy Yeah he farts a bunch Here's some mini Trojans for you kid Take those you don't need no magnums I mean those sound like characters at least And not just like growling pieces of CGI

Yeah but then again this movie's already so fucking long No, actually, that's definitely true. Well, we carry over from the last one, which was very funny in that one. And it's a good way to get everyone, to dump a lot of exposition, which is Andrew Rice as Betty Brand, who's very funny in this movie. And the other kid who's also very funny. Other kid totally great. Doing the kids news. Yes, yeah.

But this is, yeah, we get this. It's the Whitney Houston over like the Marvel logo, like to start the movie. And it's this in-memorium video and you're just like, oh, man. It's comic sand, which is very funny. Totally. And it's all these, you know, heroes from the blip and, you know, this, that, and the other thing, which is really nice. We do learn, yes, it has been five years since the blip. We have fast forward in time.

And you do have this weird thing where, like, younger siblings who didn't get blipped are now larger than their older siblings who did, like the case of the one kid here, you know. So there's, again, on the periphery, there's some interesting things you're playing with here as far as the blip. The footage of people being blip, they play really quick. Man, if I lived through the blip and if I didn't get the. blipped, I'd be on TikTok looking at all these blippers, you know. That guy really got fucking blitz. Watch this, watch this. She's about to get blipped.

Oh, got blipped. Lady at Starbucks arguing gets blipped. Yes. Wouldn't that be so fun to watch? Sam's Club parking lot Karen gets blipped. Just watching her turn to ash basically and disappear. It's just, it is, I mean, like, it would change. There'd be like flaming garbage cans everywhere. Most apocalyptic society.

Everything would crumble a meal. People would be like it's the government doing it. There was no blippening. Getting some new reports in. The blip. Totally fake, by the way. Something, something mysterious. I don't know about this blip.

I wish that there was better blipping, you know? Just like, cool. I just, I want to see more people get blipped. I would love just watch nothing. Two and a half hours of blipping. Somebody must have been fucking and whomever they were fucking got blipped and or the other way around. You know what I mean? Like it's like

You know like some dudes on top And it's like right when the like climax happens Like dr and he just turns into sand And then when he comes back five years later He's got this huge direct dick And he's like thrusting in the air at nothing Can I get some close? Can anybody get some close for me?

That's a good question. Were you, were people, did they come back? No, that wasn't what happened. Yes, yes. Did you come back doing this way you were doing? Any sec. It's like for you in the blip you you just It's the next second of your life.

So yes, it would be whatever you were doing. Missing time, right? Because they show the marching band reappear in the basketball court or whatever. Oh, right. That's pretty funny. Yeah, what are you doing to my dog? We moved in here a year ago. What the fuck?

His dog just happened to be there while he was a bra. Pre-blip. Oh, just some fucking weird masturbator just comes back and it's just like, oh, I used to live in this apartment. I'm sorry. Wow, I love what you done with the place. You painted the walls a lot differently than I used to. They blip back and they finish, right?

Like right in that moment. Five years of shit. I got time to make up then Here we go Just to FYI This was not a kid's room But I had it So you can't put me

On the sex defender registry Okay I do like the flowers on the wall Though they're very pretty But like I said Put on a pot of coffee I got a lot of time To make up for you

You got some pet houses in here Or what? Wow I can't wait to see What five years Has done to internet pornography I'm sure The advances have been

What VR you say Oh dude And then there's definitely A blip fetish You know what I mean Like I guess the idea that you would do it like you wear a, you'd wear a blindfold, and then your partner would leave in the middle of it.

Right, yeah. And you wouldn't know when that would happen. Right, but you got to, but maybe you're like how Tom Holland is when he gets blipped. Oh, wait, what's happening to me? So you have to say that, like those are your lines in the role playing? Got it. A blip play, as it were. Sure.

Where did blip play here. I forgot he got blitz. Oh, he did. It's just dark on our feet so good. Didn't you get blipped in outer space? He did. He should reappear in outer space and die. That's a great question.

A bunch of those fuckers got blipped in outer space. They just appear in the vacuum of space. Strange. It's a barren planet. Strange is blipped. And Chris Pratt is blipped. Yes. Those are the three I remember.

I rewatched when I had COVID in whatever 20, 21. I did rewatch event, end game and infinity. They're fun. They're not the best movies anyone's ever made, but they're fun movies. It's a good, if you have six hours in front of TNT. Exactamundo. But can you. really watched them without watching this and having it all explained to you though stephen come on now so

the big thing is the the science class is taking the big science trip to europe for whatever reason and peter's big thing is a very spider man right here at the top peter's big thing he's going to tell mj how he feels about her at the top of the iiffel tower very uh-huh peter parker very cliche very on the nose very lame yes very peter parker Hey, gang, today's episode on Spider-Man, Far From Home is brought to you by Hymns. Now, if weight loss has felt like a losing battle, uh, me, right here, right here.

Guy, uh, guy reading this ad. Uh, this summer can be different. Okay, skip the guesswork and try weight loss by Hymns. Access an affordable range of FDA-approved GLP 1 medications, including the Wigovi pill and the Wagovi pen, plus the support to actually stick with it. With Wagovi at Hymns, lose up to 20% off your book.

body weight when combined with diet and exercise. It helps you regulate your appetite, eat less, and keep weight off. Plus, Wagovi is the first ever GLP1 pill for weight loss, so there are no needles needed, y'all. Even better, with a range of affordable GLP1 options, him makes it simple to find a weight loss approach that fits into your world and your wallet, if eligible. You'll get a treatment plan personalized to you and unlimited dosage changes as needed. ready to reach your goals visit hymns.com slash whhm to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you

that's hims.com slash whm hymns.com slash whm weight loss by hym is not available in all 50 states wagovi is the registered trademark of novo nordisk as to get started and learn more including important safety information with govi clinical study information and restrictions visit hymns.com But that's teenagers.

You have to be lame. He's a fuck boy. You were also lame when you were a teenager. I don't know about that. I do. No. I am firmly on that. And just, I mean, the homecoming, New York is a character.

Look, it's such a New Yorkie. I mean, it was probably filmed in Atlanta or whatever. But like, it's just the way that they like really play with the subway, they play with the, and an elevated train, that is the seven train. That is what the concrete columns look like as it takes you further into Queens. That's like, that's real. I appreciate that they used. some legit stuff here.

Yeah, it's all like fucking computer generated, but it's accurate to what it's portraying. That's where the White Castle used to be. Yes. And it's exact, but like when, if you're, and that's why I think Iron Man doesn't bother me as much in that movie

because he's going to Spider-Man's turf. You know what I mean? Like, it's a Spider-Man movie with Iron Man in it a little bit too much. Yeah. But now it's Spider-Man going to other movies as, you know what I mean? Like,

that which is, it's not as strong. It's not the same thing as, that Captain America movie where it's just an Avengers movie, that Civil War. That's just an Avengers movie that you slapped Captain America on. But yeah, Homecoming is like, yeah, they're visiting the world of Spider-Man. This, not so much.

One, because Spider-Man is leaving town. Yes. So that hurts you automatically. But then to take it all the way to Europe, it's like, well, now this is like a globe-trotting affair. Yes. I mean, cautiously optimistic for brand-new day. I hope they just do. A Spider-Man.

Yes. Yes. I hope, you know, all the super friends don't run our, run into him. I'm sure they will. Punisher's there and he's going to fucking hijack it. I get it all the team. Yeah, but I like that character though. If he's kind of there more than he should be, I don't know, maybe I'll do some leeway.

But yeah, we talked about it already, but this is, uh, Spider-Man makes it appearance at this feast thing that Aunt May is doing. Yeah, they're helping people displaced by the blip and everything. So he's got to come in here. This high-tech suit, though, we've talked about this before. I don't like the high-tech suit. No. And this is about his high-tech.

and shiny as it gets in the movie. I'm glad he just wears it one scene and it's like, I'm gonna stop doing that. That's kind of stupid. But thank God he brings it back in No Way Home. Of course. That's how he fights Ock. It's way worse than that movie.

Yeah, it's all over the place. And I mean, of all the things that happened in this movie, Mysterious says he's from another dimension. The idea that Happy Hogan is getting down with Aunt May is just, I don't know what's going on. I don't know.

I mean, I guess she lost all standards when she got blipped. Oh, they flipped back and she was completely. She re blipped But the standards They stayed blipped dude I don't know

Like there's no way this woman Is that desperate No shade to the fabs Yeah It's just you're dealing with Marissa Tomey Yeah It's on another level I have to presume

Part of it is like Well he lost Tony We gotta keep close This whole fucking foundation That's going on here Happy is the one fucking thing It's not like pepper pots It's going to come here

And date fucking Aunt May Although that would be interesting Yeah Why not? Hey Ticket for one, please. I know. What's the latest showing you have of this movie?

Oh, no, my pants were blipped off. Actually, I'll take three tickets, my ticket, and the two tickets in front of me. Thank you very much. Can I buy all the tickets? I would like this to be a solo viewing experience if possible. I mean, what's interesting about this movie to me is the idea of all of these, like, the idea of him looking for versions of Tony in other people. Quentin Beck, clearly being.

the most interesting and most effective one and like the fact that like his beard looks like Tony's beard kind of like they style his hair to very much look like R.D.J. That's an interesting point and if they had played that a little bit more more than the... Are you my daddy? He's looking for his Iron Daddy everywhere he can get it. He's looking for Iron Daddy. What does that mean on Craigslist?

Don't worry about it. You're living in a cage for a week. That's the start of it. Well, we're doing Pulpiction next. We'll show you. Right. That's the August WLM on Patreon, by the way. That's right. Also, you know, no way home we were talking about. That's a commentary on Patreon. We've done that. That's right. Yeah. Oh, I forgot. And that is worse than this because, I mean, all,

that's the weirdest part. It's like, the end of this movie, I think is pretty good. Or, like, the needle drop. A, I kind of wish there was more J.K. Simmons. Just bring him in the middle. You know what I mean? It's so stupid to leave it. Especially when you're talking fake news and all this stuff about like, he could be like, oh, Spider-Man, is doing something bad somewhere. And I'm like, okay, cool. This is fun. Yep. And that kind of doesn't even happen in the next movie.

like so that when you set up something that kind of doesn't happen totally like i remember leaving this movie being like well at least in the next one j k simmons fuck yeah and then he's just barely anything in that movie so you set up all this stuff doesn't happen and that's why i'm like oh that's kind of okay yeah set up so fucking much like you just can't pay it all up like to me what's more like i like i actually love zendaya in this role like super fun the idea of like oh you got to get a vpn so you don't get the internet things and the black diet because of the murder yeah the murder Zendaya, it's kind of funny Zendaya I realized in this movie

well the first one she has such really good comic timing I think and I think she's very funny in these movies and like can she do some like more broader comedy? I'd love to see that where she's not voicing Nici. She's pretty funny in the drama I haven't checked out that. Yeah

the drama's I've just kind of turned the volume knob down on all A24 property sure. A. I too four. No shit, right? But again, I like all the scenes. Jacob Badalone is so fucking funny. God damn, he's really funny too.

This dude, all the secret hand jobs that Ned is receiving on this European vacation. I think it's not so secret. Later on, they're open. He's wearing a robe and he's like, I'm coming. That's right. On the robe, I forgot. Europe does strange things to people. That's a goodbye.

I think he's getting a full blow. Yeah. That's, I think. Last night in. It's a high school students. No, dude. That's true. school students never blow each other. So here's the question.

It comes up with mommy's and daddy's only. Only mommies and daddy's blowing. Get it, get it, go on. Tony Stark got a blow job in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Oh, what's that tab on porn? Cave videos. Daddy. Spalunk.

My new porn company of Spalunk. It's just everybody having sex from ropes. But at one point, on the play, Flash Thompson, the great Tony Rivoli, who's always like... He's named that because he flashes people, yeah. Reveloria, apologies. Is drinking champagne and then Zendaya's like,

oh, he's not actually... He was blipped, so he's still 16, even though his ID says he's 21. Therefore, I don't know what's going on with all these 16-year-olds running around. And then you're like, hey, man, I could do... My ID says it. This is a legal tender idea. I think you should just honor what's on the

ID. You know, if you've been blipped... It's a government official document. Exactly, but also if you've been blipped and had the trauma of that or whatever, yeah, have a fucking drink. Who cares? Seriously, I'm going on a transatlantic flight here. Let me have some fucking champagne. I got blipped.

Oh, no, a technical 20-year-old is going to rent a car instead of a 25-year-old. But then now you got all these fucking weird, like, you know, Barnes & Noble shift managers dating their fucking their 16-year-old, you know what I mean? And now that's a weird question right now. It's a great weird question. Okay, that's a gray area. It's a very important gray area that is not discussed. Every state has a bunch of cases going on against.

Absolutely. You can smoke and you can drink. You know, there's maybe an asterisk on your ID that means no fucking for right now. Sure. Like, don't. Something. We got to come up with something. Okay.

Come on. Show me your ID. Show me it. Yep. Yeah, there's an asterisk. I'll talk to you later. I'm not fucking around. I'm not going to jail for you.

Oh, my God. Melinda blipped back. and she's still as hot as ever. Stop having ideas, Martin Star. Oh, yeah. If any of the teachers in the school would be fault or something like that. And then you got your run-of-the-mill kid touchers that are saying

I thought they were blipped. I thought these were blippies. Oh, yeah, the courts are a fucking disarray after this. It's no helping. I thought it was legal. I thought this kid had been blipsed, but he hadn't been. Did she just say run-of-the-mill kid-touchers? You're everyday kid-touchers.

Oh, you got it. Nothing special. Yeah, we are on this plane. I do love speaking of Martin Star because they're trying to figure out like, oh, how can we get Peter to sit next to MJ and there's all this stuff? Oh, Peter's got this perfume allergy

and that shoots Martin Star into action. Oh, perfume allergies are no joke. And he starts like switching all the seats so that MJ is great in this movie. He's so funny. And it's, yeah, so MJ is now sitting next to the hunky guy who's a dude who did not get blipped and has just continued aging.

Is that a comic book? I don't remember Brad. I don't know. The amazing Brad is. the amazing Brad, no issue. He's not hydromand. No. Dude, but the, I got to tell you,

the all-timer Martin Star piece of information here that his ex-wife pretended to be blipped and fucking left him. Ran off for the guy in the hiking group or something. We had a fake funeral. Well, it was a real funeral, but she just

wasn't there or whatever. God. That's hilarious. It's so fucking funny. But yeah, so we just get this montage of the flight and you see here because Ned gets gets stuck sitting next to Betty and they start

sort of getting along as he notices her watching him play video games which again this is such a fantastical film it's a very funny joke the way that they immediately get off the plane and they've been on the way of their relationship it's a great like undercurrent of the movie the way the relationship is like in high gear the second they land like they're just like an old married couple it's very cute it's very funny and they have great chemistry also a good comedy here is Peter using the bathroom

and then he sees that MJ is going to use it next and he's like feverishly cleaning the entire thing that paranoia. She's going to think I pissed on the scene. Oh my god my pubs are how many pubes I fucking leave. Jesus Christ. Oh that one's a Ned. I see that one. That's a Ned right there but I got to clean it up because MJ's going to think it's

my pub and she's not going to know it's Ned's pub. Oh come on. Just blame it on Martin's Star. You can do this. It's not that hard. I get that paranoia though because I have had that where it's like this bathroom is destroyed on this plane. And then if I come out of this bathroom,

if there's someone waiting, that person is going to think I was the one that destroyed, and I'm not cleaning it up now. No. But you just, I have that in my head of great. Now someone's going to think, I'm the animal that destroyed this. That's the fat guy's burden. It's like everyone, everyone assumes when you go into,

everyone assumes when you go to a bathroom, you take it a big old fat shit. Exactly. Exactly. Like a fucking horse got in there. He must have a lot of food in him. And he had to put it somewhere. So clearly he's going to put it all over the bathroom. Can I ask you something?

Did he get two dinners? I just need to know. Because I saw something and it was rants. Because skinny Phil blocks in there, takes a massive shit. And then I walk in there like, I know who did that. Yep, exactly. Or, you know, I go in, I take a very careful piss. But, you know, some fucking 80-year-old old timers

been flying all over the bathroom before me. There's piss all over the wall. And then I'm going to get blamed for you. And then people just think like, you know, you're a fat guy, you're going to the bathroom. It has to be a shit. These guys don't even piss. They don't piss. It just comes out.

These people are incapable of pissing. They just shit everywhere. Golden egg of piss after. It's like the afterbirth. Big gold neck. That's what I'm thinking about. Every time we use him in an airplane bathroom. I'm afraid we're going on a flight to Vegas.

It is the fat man's burden. Everyone side eyes you. I know what that guy's up to. And it's gross. Let us not pretend there's only one. The fat guy burden. There's burdens. Oh, yeah.

But also the, I bet this is going to take a while. You know what I mean? As if I could never hastily use the bathroom. No in and outs for fat guys. He said his body weight out. Weren't you fat when you went in there? What's going on here? Like a snake.

They just take the entire thing. Oh, man. So we're in Venice. That's the first stop. You know, I have to say I do, as much as I don't dig on the European vacation. Haitian trope for sequels. I appreciate that for some of this we are there. We're getting some cool

exteriors. Them on the gondola or whatever going into the city. Fucking gorgeous. Really, really beautiful. All that stuff. And the happy is already said to Peter, Nick Fury wants, is calling you, you know, he's want to, you know, you're going to be in the big leagues kid because of the whole Invinity War thing.

And he's like, I mean, it's a fine little, you know, part of Peter's character. Like, I just want to be a kid. I want to go on my fun vacations. Like, I don't know, man. like I just learned that I lost five years of my life like I could only be 16 once I just need to have something exactly and honestly if this if this was like happy being like hey he's call and the movie was just he's ignoring Nick Fury like that's I'd be fine with that like having this have Sam Jackson who doesn't want to be in this movie Andrew Andrew I'm sorry you just you misspoke I have to say it he didn't ignore him he ghosted him oh that's everybody is everybody liking this youth script here we got here they're ghosting it Everybody. Yeah, we're going to have it 17 times in this fucking script. That's what they say. That's, I guess, all the time. That's all they say.

I sometimes say ghosted. I don't think that's reserved for the youth of America. But that's where I think it originated. I think it originated with a specter. Really? You know, like a flying sheet. The flying sheet, okay. Oh, no, I've been ghosted. Specter's been ghosted me. Oh, God.

Blofeld ghosted me. Oh, look at that, another ghosting from Specter. I could believe it. We hooked up, and then he didn't call. Blow felt bloominian He ghosted me. Ghosting me, your bloody mad. Bro felt it'd be called Blow bad. Bad stuff, Matt.

No, Mr. Bond, I don't intend to call you at all. I expect you to cry. I do also like, one of the things you find out in this is like, Flash is kind of, he's running a little streamer guy stuff. and he's doing the like, hey, all my fucking flash heads out there, Flash mob,

here we are, and he gets fucking nut tapped on a live stream. Man, I got to, maybe it's just I've been watched a lot of jackass because the new one came out. A fucking well-placed nuttapped like this in a movie, I was giggling. He's very funny in this movie. It kind of sucks in the third movie, how much of that movie is about, you know, Dr. Strange and all the villains of other movies and other Spider-Man. Because this supporting cast is what makes these movies work.

You know what I mean? they felt like refreshing in in homecoming and like let's keep these dudes going let's keep building these characters oh what's that oh fucking samuel jackson and colby smolders for the 19th time excellent excellent because he sam jackson we will do pulp fiction uh next next month on patreon it's night and it's not even night and day it's like it's earth one and earth 55 i don't even know what this is well but that i think part of that is just age like i i can't remember time I saw a Samuel Jackson performance. It was like, wow, he is putting in all of his effort.

And I just haven't seen it a lot. Django. Yeah, I'm not pretty much out of Django, but that's like long ago. That's a while now. Then that's 2009 or something like that. Yeah, I mean, the other, yeah, age thing, I think you're totally right. But also just the notion of like, this is the first time he played Jules. This is the 19th time that he has played Nick Fury.

You know what I mean? So there's only so much excitement you can muster. 2012 jango and she oh wow okay so yes seven seven years before this movie yeah wild god i can't believe that movie is that old i think some of those capital one commercials are a little more a little more energetic dude he's got some spunk in his step in some of those things you're told i mean he's just asleep at the switch and i think a spoiler alert they're fucking scrolls oh god that idea of like well that's why he is doing that because it's i'm like no man no that he just didn't want to do this movie he saw the money is like fine and I'm on a contract.

I know I have to do this. The same thing with the fucking the city bank or capital one, whatever it is. And like that at least you know, I'm making money and that's a day. That's one fucking day. This is your whole fucking summer. I'm excited because he's going to be entering the Tulsa King universe.

Oh, Norland. Oh, Nola King. That's right. He's like headlining that show. That's my MCU as an old man. Now that I'm an old man, that is my MCU. Have you actually watched Yellowstone or are you?

A Hateful 8 was 2015. Okay, and hit following that. He's great. He's great. He is great. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, so that was the last one. Am I watching Yellow's?

No, I've never, I've never seen Yellowstone. Oh, okay. Should I? You're recommending it? Well, I'm saying if it's all of the kings, I mean, that is like Montana King. I don't know. Maybe if I break a foot or something. There you go.

Now you've got a reason. So, you know, Peter's got, he's going to, he's bought MJ this necklace that he's going to give to her. Eiffel Tower, this whole thing is in motion. She's got this really great. I love when she's like, oh, I learned this new Italian word, Bo. And like we go through this whole bit about like, Bo and Italian and what it means or what it doesn't mean.

And she refers to it as the anti-aloha, which I think is very funny. And like, yeah, it's good to have her do this stuff. I mean, like I like Peter's little mission with the little necklace thing. It's cute. I think if this was a normal movie, a normal Spider-Man movie, you would have time to let that scene breathe.

Oh, sure. But as I'm watching it, I'm just like, you're just trying to get this done so you can move on to the next. Like, clearly, you're not letting him actually sit in there and like, oh my God, look at all this beautiful workmanship. It's just like, nope, get the thing, get the fuck out. Well, even right, you know, he's got the thing,

and then we have this bow line for two seconds. And then the little water guy explodes out of nowhere, and we get right into the action here with this elemental. And I do, dude, fucking Ned and Betty are on this gondola and they just get rocked by this huge wave. it's really funny. He's wearing a hat like he was in the last movie

where he's like that's his like confidence hat which is kind of funny. So it's like some of the drones like wind drones or are they shooting the water and that's making it.

It's the problem with all of it. It's trying to surprise you later so he can't tell you. Right. I don't know. It is. When you are watching it though

you're like well how it's one of those like the drone is doing everything and you just kind of have to yeah it's getting wind going it's kicking up this and that it's shooting things and whatever. I love Peter, of course,

gets into action right away. He's whipping like spider webs at water, which is very funny, just like trying to like shoot this thing down. And he wasn't, he didn't bring his costume because, you know, I don't want to be Spider-Man,

none of this trip on to be Peter. And, uh-oh, he's got to, that's a spider-many thing to have to deal with. He's got a carnival mask on for a bit to make it work. He looks like, what he called there, the hunchback of Notre Dame

and the Disney movie for a second. but Mysterio blasts in here right and this is yeah this is where he's got the carnival mask on and he's sort of trying to help him in one way or another he gets hit in the face with a huge bell tower bell which is pretty great multiple times I think you should have kept the carnival mask do like a full like jester thing oh yeah the jester right the jester in Europe I'm the jester I am the flying clown the only thing scary than a clown is a clown with fucking flight powers Christ Almighty, you'd never see him coming. Yeah, I mean, he's going to go to clown house is where he's going to go. Clown House, yeah, dude. I do love fucking Mysterio getting this big round of a plot. You see everybody's loving Mysterio like right from the start.

He looks great. Honestly, I like the fishbowl. I like the color scheme. It's all pretty sweet, yeah. But this is, it's all a hologram every last bit of it here. Which is, I mean, again, that's the Mysterio thing. I mean, I think that they're trying to age. when they have the big twist in the middle of this movie, the twist of,

oh my God, Michael Keaton is Peter's love interest dad in that movie, which is a great, and that's a great sequence. Him answering that door. I remember in the theater being like, boom, did not even think that. That's great.

Yeah, and I don't like, like, I feel like that's also why they do the opening the way they do is because they're just like, make it as homecoming made of a billion dollars. Do it as close to homecoming as humanly possible, except in Europe. You know, it's not really a bad idea on paper for Mysterio to do this, right?

Yeah, yeah. But it's just, it ends up as a shrug. I'm 100% with Andrew on this, though. Like, it just makes way more sense for you to keep the special effects element of it. Another Tony Stark got another not Tony Stark who wants to be Tony Stark, as we're talking right before this, has already been done. Iron Man 2 does two versions of it in the same fucking movie. Yeah.

It just gets, it annoys the hell out of me because it feels like you're, putting Whiplash and Sam Rockwell's character together to make this Uber replacement to be Star. Because we haven't even gotten to the magic glasses yet because he's not Spider-Man in this movie or he wants to be Spider-Man in this movie. He's Iron Man Jr.

That's literally Iron Man Jr. Honestly, get rid of the fucking glasses. Oh my God. This Patriot act fucking magic glasses, I just really dislike it. And we never say, so whatever. We'll get to it. But so Peter comes back to the hotel

I do love that they're staying in this just garbage-ass hotel, which is very funny. And he comes into the room and fucking Fury is there. And Ned getting ganged in the neck and falling. I was like, that's very funny. And he has to assure him like he didn't kill him. He's like he's just going to be out for a few hours. But this is, yeah, nobody fucking ghost Nick Fury. Oh, blah, blah, blah.

And they're basically like, the joke here is he keeps trying to do like exposition. But there's like, Betty comes to the door. Then the teacher comes to the door. whoever comes to the door, you know, like that kind of thing. This was all really nice. I did like this. And like Fury's got some line like the next person that knocks on the door, like I'm going to shoot them or kill them or whatever it is.

But so he goes on this boat ride with Nick Fury and this is where we get the magic glasses. The last fucking thing Tony Stark ever gave you or whatever. How does it end with the, who has the glasses after the end at the end of the movie? Because the end of the movie should be Spider-Man crushing the glasses and like, no, man. should have this power as opposed to like, well, the U.S. government should be able to drone people whatever they want. It's very,

I think it's one of those fucking scrolls has them. Well, that's not okay. It's just, it's an evil thing to be able to control these drones. Why does Tony Stark have these drones? Yes. So it's just, okay, there are glasses that you can call in drone strikes and that's it. It seems, and like you could like,

cybersecurity people and shit. But like, why would you even give that to Spider-Man? No, it doesn't make any sense. Why would you even make it? Give it to happy. Give it to pepper pot so she could like, you know. I mean, they don't need to exist. And it should be a thing where it's like, you know, because this would be kind of interesting character-wise.

It's like, wow, this is a really fucked up thing. And here's this dude that like I respected and now he's passed on. And you find out like this not great thing that he fucking did. And like being able to contend with that in some way. And it should be a yes, no one should have this power and destroy it. But like it feels by the end of the movie after. all of that tower bridge nonsense that's happening, it doesn't even feel like he understands the lesson that he should be learning about it.

You know what I mean? Because he can't because you've already started the next movie, which is, we know who Spider-Man is now. You can't finish the movie you made because you have to start the nutton. I guess the lesson is not to be so trusting of people or something. And dead people? I just don't get it.

Well, nobody should have the classes. There's no good use of a drone strike that can just take out a school bus. Exactly. I guess it can, it does a hell of a job changing reservations. I'll give it that. Its work with kayak is phenomenal. Yeah, the kayak integration and resi is really done nicely. Edith, open table, table for two, 7.30.

Oh, impossible. Dron strike the restaurant, please. What do you need no availability for two weeks? Dron strike the restaurant. Edith, reservations for two at 7 p.m. No cancellation fees. Okay, uh-huh, it'll give you a list. Okay, great.

Cancellations. Okay. And who was the last people to buy the tickets to Hamilton? Okay, we're going to drone strike them. We're going to drone strike them and get the tickets. I would be killing every. Oh, sure. Edith, airdrop magnum condoms. Yes, to this location. We have the Stark Protocol. We're dropping the mini Trojans to you. We know what you're doing. We know what you're doing. But yeah, so Fury takes him back to this sewer hideout that they have. And there's, my God, the audience erupted from Maria Hill back in the movie.

and Quinton Beck is here and he's claiming that he's from alternate earth One of these dimensions is 616 And the other one's 838 But obviously both of these are fake Which it's kind of funny because the joke in this movie is like Man it would be stupid if there was a multiverse And then it's like what is it?

Get ready for the next 12 movies that are all about multiverse No, no, get ready not for the next 12 movies Get ready for the rest of your life You're never not because now all everyone Yeah, it's all multiversal. so many multiverses, so little time to care about all of them. But you can see right away

like Mysterio really sort of ingratiating himself with Peter here. He's got that great line don't ever apologize for being the smartest one in the room, that kind of stuff. And this is where yes, he explains he's hunting elementals. They destroyed his planet and now they're coming here

to destroy ours and this guy's going to help out here. I just got a thought about Doomsday. Are they going to do, they're going to bring Tony Stark back because it's from a different version of Tony Stark and then Iron Man's going to be back. Is that why he's cast? Is it all fake out? Who knows? I imagine it's a, in whatever universe, Iron Man became Doctor Duke.

You know what I mean? And then we're going to do a no way home on him, take him to the soup kitchen and get him a therapy. Give him a therapist, give him some soup, he'll be good. Yeah, I was a bit of a doctor doom myself once. That fucking no way home, man. It's worse every time I think about it. I rewatched it, man. Oh, did you?

Just because, like, you know, when these things come out, I got to do the rodeo, you know? And I mean, I was like watching it, quote unquote, like sort of hearing. And I was just gooning, absolutely. And I was like, you know, there's just too much movie here. There's so much goddamn movie in that movie. Everybody wants to remember the villains from Amazing Spider-Man. Of course. Everybody wants the lizard to come back.

Dude, how they have to be like, oh, Jamie Fox, now you look this way in this for some reason. He must have demanded that. Oh, absolutely. You're going to write a line in that will explain why I have a different haircut and my teeth ain't fucked up no more. I get it. The first time we're doing a little Edward Enigma situation here. I get it. I get it.

But now I'm hot. That's all we're doing now. Exactly. But Spider-Man basically turns him down because it's like, hey, the next thing is going to be in Prague. And he's like, no, but we're going to Paris. I got to say hi to MJ. And it's like, I'm just respectfully saying no. I do like, he's like, yeah, I'm just a friend in neighborhood, Spider-Man or whatever.

and there is a great fury line, bitch, please you've been to space. Also, just get your GED. What are you even doing in school? You don't need school. It's not your, it's just your secret identity. That's it, which you tell everyone anyway. And he walks into this fucking cavern,

no mask on. No mask. He meets Mysterio as Peter Parker as Spider-Man. I guess if you're in a shield sanctum, it's like, you know everybody's in on it. And let's not forget about Dimitri, Bus driver Demetri Oh God, yeah

You know what, this guy's got to say Some lines Because it's just not funny No You know, oh strong European guys say nothing Just push people out of the way That's a good point He could be comedic relief

At certain points Could be anything Ghosts in beer house Well you know I would move This should be J.B. Smooth Because J.B. Smooth is in this movie And he's trying to be funny

And he is funny But like he's just not in the movie enough So like make him this other Like Nick Fury is number two it's Dimitri but it's J.B. Smooth and he's having a great time. Was J.B. Smooth a teacher in the first movie? I thought so, no? No, he's not. It's just Hannibal Burris and Martin Star.

Because in the third movie, all three of them are fucking around. That's funny. Apparently he did a commercial with for Homecoming as a promotional thing. J.B. Smooth was in it and then somebody was like, oh, he's got good chemistry with Tom Holland. Thus, J.B. Smooth is in the movie. And he knocks nice off of Martin Starr's character. Yes, he does.

situation going on. I love the when they're like, all right, I want to take the first shift on the plane I'm taking an ambient and he's like, one. One good line of his too is when they're in Venice in Rome you do as the Romans do. In Venice your socks get wet. But yeah, so they're supposed to head for Paris the next day

and this is Martin's our good news, we're going to Prague and like now the whole thing is shield and fury are dictating this trip so that they go along with the Mysterio and the elemental hunt and whatever and I do love that just Martin Star not questioning

once these insane upgrades to these palatial hotels that they're staying in. I mean it's that that is an element I would like to see them work more on is like it literally is the MCU takes over the Spider-Man movie. Yeah. And it's a funny joke

if you play that joke more but they're not doing that because they're like no this is good. It's a good thing that we're doing it. Peter puts the glasses on for the first time while they are driving through Austria here. And this is where, yeah, we meet Edith, Even Dead, I'm the hero. That's a very nice. Very Tony Stark thing

to do here. Interestingly, though, because all of these other computer voices over these movies have been played by known actors. And this is just this woman, Don Michelle King, who did, like, editing work on Marvel stuff and not acting. So what should be called? Jennifer Connolly is in the last one as the voice. As the suit voice. Yes, the suit voice. And I feel like that was just Paul Bettney, like, well, I got

I got the recording setup in my house. Jen could just do it. Jen could use the same closet I use. No, yeah. We have that recording studio in House 1. In House 2 and 3, I don't know. We have lesser ones there. There's probably recording studios in House 2 and 3, but I couldn't tell you.

You wouldn't know this. She was a werewolf in the Star Wars movie. It was very touching for her to come on the set with me. Laksa Shivrak was her. Ooh, I like that. Hell yeah, dude. I'd fuck it Jennifer Connelly We're a wolf

I'm sure The hunger indeed I do but so yeah He's like kind of He can see what people are texting and stuff And he's like well that's pretty strange And then he goes There's a pit stop to go to the bathroom

And he meets a dominatrix That is demanding that he puts on a costume For her Yes take all your clothes off Yeah because he doesn't have the suit So he's got people will know you know if I'm missing and then Spider-Man's bouncing around in Europe, they're going to figure it out

so Fury or Shield sends this Dominatrix to do the wardrobe change. Just the whole like trying to keep it secret, it's just it's not, I mean, it's almost good that they do the ending. Yes. How it is? Because how do you keep the charade up? It was a house of cards to begin with. Yeah. Because this

kid's terrible at keeping his secret. And then the other kid, Brad. See him with this lady kind of half naked and takes snaps a pick, dude. Dude. You know, I don't know what was going on when the rest of us were blipped for five years, Brad, but fucking taking these photos like that, dude, not cool. We don't do that.

Brad. Yeah, that's a revenge porn. It's illegal, actually. Yeah. Well, why are you doing this strip tease in, like, the gift shop of this rest of stuff? And also, she should, I know, to facilitate the jokes, like, take this to bathroom and you come out looking like spider monkey or whatever fuck, you know, as a person like, dress in front of me. Yeah, exactly. I want to see your willy.

I want to see your little nipples. Your tiny Spider-Man nipples. You need those mini-magnos. It's what sucks because it does feel like every joke, not every joke, but a lot of the jokes just are like reiterating. He has no control. He's Spider-Man, and he has no control of his life. Can you believe?

He also has no control of his gadgets because this is when they get back on the bus and he's like, hey, Edith, use your magic glasses powers to delete the photo off Brad's phone. and again he has no control over this very dangerous piece of technology he was gifted by a dead man and now the glasses are like cool drone strike on your bus so we can get those pictures off or we can kill it was like terminate brad he's like yeah terminate him oh no i almost assassinated someone you're quieter next time he did it i do like all this stuff though where he's like oh look at that like mountain goats or whatever it is and he jumps out the emergency John Darnell? Playing here?

What? But yeah, it's pretty cool. Like the slow motion jumping out, he webs the fucking drone and throws it under the mountain side or something like that. Pretty neat little low-level spider manning here. Or I guess night-monkeying. But then he does, it's kind of off-screen. It's like, all right, let's do that again.

He does delete the photo for Brad's phone and probably like, I mean, obviously you would look through all of Brad's phone at that point. Yeah, what else he got in there, Edith? Let's see a picture of his little dick Oh, some MJ bathroom shots Oh, geez, because he's a creep, yeah Yeah, no, if you're taking one picture, you're taking them all That's true

He's a pervert He's a shutterbug He is, dude, he's a total shutterbug That's his super villain name Oh dude, look out A Spider-Man shutterbugs Robbena bank He's got a bunch of photos of fat guys going into bathrooms

With the caption, like I know this is, I know what's going to happen in there You know, why not? Because, you know, someone should be a photographer I know they, this, this spider, this Peter Parker is no photography. It's not a photographer at all, yeah, which is weird. It is weird. It's, it's one of the, the hallmarks of the character. Brad, why do you have a, uh, the password to a kickstream called understall on your, oh, it's got a lot of followers here, Brad.

Uh, what you doing? Chris, could you explain to me and possibly the rest of the audience what kick stream is? Kick is a, uh, mostly right wing, uh, online platform. Imagine Twitter even more evil. God, I'm a way, way more I'm a rumble man, myself.

That's also, that's another Nazi, are we on Gab anymore? I think Gab is done. It was like Nazi Twitch, is that what it is? Yeah, both of these are Nazi Twitches.

Both are horrible places that nobody should ever go. Oh, I see. Sorry to get political for a second. Name and websites. Yeah, exactly. So they get to Prague.

This glorious hotel upgrade that they have here is really nice. And they've, They're on a clock here because now they're able to track, I guess, mathematically or scientifically when these elementals are going to attack or whatever. And so they're like, oh, we have three hours until the fire monster gets here. And Beck has decided at some point to actually take up the Mysterio name now because it's

the kids who sort of, they're like, oh, the locals are calling a Mysterio. That sounds kind of cool. It's another ingratiating Peter Parker to him because he's like, I decided to take it because Peter Parker originally said it to him. He's like, the kid said it. And he's like, I am, Mysterio. You're damn right. And he does a whole thing about the fire monster was the one that actually destroyed my planet.

It didn't do the Voltron trick even. It's just just this one fucking fire guy destroyed it all. Just got the whole rock. If it can like burrow down to the core of the earth, I guess is how that works. Where all the metal is, it can just turn into a super monster. I think that's the tail being told here. But I do like there is this nice scene where they're both sitting up high atop somewhere. and Peter's like, it's nice having someone, what with Mr. Stark being dead,

to talk about like superhero stuff with or whatever. I need an Iron Daddy. I miss my Iron Daddy and you can now be my Iron Daddy. Get in that cage. Do you have any whips in that cape or what? What's going on? I do like the gag here because it's like, oh, you have to keep them off. You got to keep my class and my friends off the streets for this fire monster thing that's going to happen.

And I love the whole thing. Oh, plans change. We got these free tickets to the opera and Martin Star. I was all excited. And they're like, yeah, boy, we'd sure love to go to the opera. Nothing else going on around here. And they walk outside and there's this amazing carnival happening. Carnival of lights.

It's weird that these movies, none of these movies, ever address what happens to Uncle Ben. Like, I know, like, we're so tired to watch that old guy get fucking shot outside of a museum. Yeah. But you kind of need to at least address it. Like, you know what I mean? Like, even his luggage has Ben Parker's initials on it. So, like, it's there.

And I think, like, in the last movie, like, Ant May is like, ever since your uncle, I've been kind of scared. And I'm like, can we just name what actually happened? Like, I don't need a flashback. But like even in this moment when like, you know, when he's budding up to Mysterio, it's like, you know, first I lost my uncle Ben to that fucking shooter. And then I lost Tony. And I don't know. Like I just assume.

It's America. Yeah, exactly. It's the mass shooting. Really good shot. That's how this uncle Ben got taken out. It was Flint Marco. Again. Well, because you know that it's not, it wouldn't be like he just left Aunt May.

Yes. Because one, again, Marissa Tomey. But also, you wouldn't be carrying around the luggage with the initials if he was a piece of shit that abandoned you. And even when she dies in the next movie, spoiler alert for No Way Home, like, he's not even like, now both my uncle and aunt are dead. Like, oh my God, you know what I mean? Like, whatever that is. I just, yeah, I don't feel the tragedy of it. No.

Like, that's like, I know we all like, we don't want to see fucking, you know, the Wayans get shot down once again. Yes. But I do kind of need it to see what is what, there has to be a dark part of Spider-Man to be like, I lost something. I know what loss is. And this one, you wait until May dies. And even that, it doesn't matter because I got to do a fucking green goblin's coming back again. Yeah. So hopefully in this next

one, he's like contending with that in an actual real way. I will see what happens. Yeah. But I do like, so all the kids want to sneak out because they don't want to go to the fucking opera and they see Peter leaving and they think like they can all sneak out which they do. MJ makes Betty sneak. So all

your principal characters can be out in danger when this fire monster thing. goes around here. So he's got his, I do like Peter, he's got the new suit, he says that's a little tight around the old web shooter. What the fuck, dude? That's Spider-Man calling his penis a web shooter.

That's exactly right. Pretty surprising. If you were Spider-Man, wouldn't you? Yeah, but I shouldn't be Spider-Man. He's the last guy that should be Spider-Man. Would you call your nuts sack, the egg sack? I guess because you're a Spider-Man now? But like the eggs and the webs don't come from the thing.

That's true. Yeah. The egg sack. You got kicked in the egg sack. No, I do. I want Eric to be Spider-Man just because I want to see a Spider-Man like those guys at the beginning of the dark night who have the hockey pads. Oh, yeah. I just want a guy who looks like Spider-Man with that kind of bill.

Wait, so you're saying I'd be pretending to be Spider-Man? No, you'd be, well, yeah, because there's Tom Holland's the real Spider-Man, clearly. Because I'm older, I would have to have knee pads and stuff. Yes, your fucking body's breaking down. I hear it every week. It's rough, dude. It's gone. Did you see that one Spider-Man fall off that building?

That was rough. It looked like he had knee pads. If I was Spider-Man, I would make a web noose. I'd be hanging from one of those skyscrapers. Oh, dude, Spider-side. Look out. It's tied around the everything. Well, I guess it's kind of amazing that he did that.

I'd probably pick the Chrysler building. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, not the first of mine for a lot of people. So, picture, you get the giant web, rope. It's around my neck. And then you're doing your office job there in the Chrysler building and I'm

flapping against the side dead. In red spedding. Yes. The wind picks up and then I fly back and forth. But you're super strong so your neck doesn't even break. I'm trying. I'm trying to be as limp as possible. Finally, the photo of the century.

I'm going to buy a magazine just to put that on the front. So this fire thing fucking appears or whatever. I do like Ned and Betty get stuck atop this Ferris wheel, which is pretty great. But yeah, we just have this big

Spider-Man Mysterio fighting this thing. This is the origin of the Night Monkey. I mean, these movies understand and all of the latter marvels understand it's all about the costume. And he has no... Oh, it's Night Monkey an actual character?

No, but there's no fewer than three big costume changes in this movie. I mean, the Deadpool Wolverine movie, which is the most successful Marvel movie in the last five years since in that next phase is just costume pornography. It's just everyone, every 30 seconds, you get a new costume of something. You know

what I mean? So this is, this is the black costume and he's like, oh, it's kind of funny, but I think they run this into the ground, the night monkey thing. Like, hearing it once or twice, I'm like it gets less funny every time I hear it. It really does. I did like that the Italian news or wherever picked it up, but yeah,

they do run it into their ground. Yeah, I feel like you keep that one and you keep like Ned saying it for the first time and that's maybe it. Because it is by the end of, like, whenever the last Night Monkey references. I'm like, all right, I ready. Right, because like, even in like the Netherlands and the prison cell and stuff,

I don't know. Oh, yes. That's where. I think that's why I was like, okay, we can stop that now. That's right. But while this fight is going on, he shoots a web and it hits something invisible. And it knocks to the ground. This is going to become hugely important to what happens in this movie.

But Mysterio does a self-sacrifice that's not a real self-sacrifice and goes into the fire monster as Mysterio and blows it up with all the green gas stuff. Yeah, but he survives here from his heroic act here and so Fury is like, hey, Mysterio next stop Berlin, brother. This fucking European train keeps

going. You can come with us here too. Do you want power over the entire globe? Just come with us. And he's like, you know, oh, I need it's like stupid Nick Fury line. He's like, I need Spider-Man to want to be there or something like that. And it's like, maybe Nick Fury was wrong choosing you. And it's like, I don't,

I don't care. I don't. Maybe Tony Stark, rather, was it was wrong in choosing you as his success. I'm like, I don't give a shit. It's not, yeah, the, will I or will I not be part of Nick Fury's fucking black ops team that is eventually going to kill a fucking foreign leader? Like, I don't, it's not Spider-Man to me. Well, let's say, Nick Fury belongs in the Hague. Totally, dude.

You wear these glasses you belong in the Hague. You do, yeah. You put that on once. Get out of you. Now, Spider-Man, we need you to take out Lula. We need him in the ground They go to a bar here Because like it's you know

Beck is like you know You're pretty stressed out about the whole Nick Fury thing Let's just hang out her bar But I can't drink And I'm like just fuck You're in Europe No one's gonna card you

Order a beer even It would be kind of fun like funny I mean I guess you can't With the kids watching the movie But like Spider Man drinking a beer And even being like Ew beer would be kind of fun Exactly you could steal from Can Hardly Wade

The Great Gag the beer has gone bad You know, just do that. Just please have him act. Like, you know a teenager would act. I'm sorry, that guy's, he's got his little night monkey mask, like, half up. That mouth is exposed. Have a sip of beer, please. Peter Parker is a soda and lemonade man.

Drew and Drew and Drew, we all know this. I don't think he drinks, maybe has some champagne. He tries to drink in the second one when they're doing the party. Remember, he keeps on empty. Chris, the second ramey. In the second ramey. Lemonade, that's a hard. stuff to him. Oh, really?

Remember Mike's hard? Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. Oh, God. I just got a headache thinking about it. Dude, that's what we should do. Fucking side show bonus top top tier patrons only. Yes. Us trying fucking bad, modern, like, fun drinks like that. Oh, man. I would absolutely. Get the sugar OD ready to go. But then just take a sip. And then you, then you give your review and then you spit it out. It's like a wine tasting. It's a wine tasting, but for scumbags. All right. I taste, uh, creubes. creumit x2-1

I take that's Zamaphine yeah but that's that yes I do needs more Mike there is like an issue with the age on because in the first movie on Homecoming

I think he's playing This isn't about the drink idea No it's not It's a movie podcast Whatever Steve Okay Fair enough You don't want to talk about

Twisted T fine Fuck you It all just tastes like metal to me. It does. It does. The weirdest drinks we can find and then we do this thing. Anyway, go ahead. It's like, oh, instead of ice cubes, we'll just put little shrapnel in here and you can drink it. That's what that tastes like to me.

But so in Homecoming, he's 20, Tom Holland's 20, Spider-Man 16, and he's playing him as like a little, a little, like, very young 16. A Tom Holland, youthful looking guy. But then, like, I think in this movie, he's a little too old to be doing some of the stuff. And then certainly in the next movie, when he's like, oh, no,

my friends can't get into college. I'm like, you're 31 years old. So like it's just sort of like, and it's, that's a function of these movies, of any kind of franchise like this when you're starting in high school and like,

it takes three years to make a movie, yada, yada, yada, but like, it goes, it goes quick, you know what I mean? And I think that that's part of an issue

with some of this stuff. Yeah, that's why the Ramey timeline kind of like works better because it's like after that first movie they are done with high school and whatever and just out in the working world. And you don't know how old they are,

are like they're in college kind of sort of you know what i mean like oh yeah that first one it's yeah so he's like at his early 20s it kind of fits as opposed to like it's just hard to play 16 when you're like 24 years old one with that's high school right yes yeah and he's in college and spider man too right yes yes but they're visiting this the university that he ends up going to okay to do the the the the when they get spit bit by the spider yeah in the ramy spider yeah in the ramy he is at the college but he's not visiting he's just visiting i see got to got to get you not i kid you not guy. That dude rules. Speaking of, there is a funny,

like, basically, like, Mysterio's, you know, they're in this nice cool, like, Prague bar, which I'm like, man, I want to be in that bar. It looks fucking awesome. I have always wanted to go to Prague, dude. Great place. And again, like, that's, if you're in Prague, like, if you, it's, it's that Simpsons joke, if you order lemonade, they're going to give you a leader of beer no matter what.

Beer, yeah. But Quentin is very nice to Peter and is like, you know, you got to be your own man. and like, you know, if you don't want to be Nick Ferry, fuck that guy and blah, blah, blah. And you, be your old man, be your own man. And then Spider-Man is like, you know what, when Mr. Stark gave me the note,

maybe it wasn't for me to have the glasses, but to give it to someone that deserves the glass. Okay, dip shit at the genius science academy, okay. Right, because it's for the next Iron Man's the note. And that was assumed you. Yeah, correct. Because he's a smart little boy. But now it's like, maybe he wanted me to pick someone.

You could be iron. Daddy, here you go. Dude, this asshole, he turns the fucking, you know, control the glasses over to Quentin Beck. And he has the audacity to welcome this guy to the Avengers. That's a fucking toe over the line, asshole. And you know what, dude, you've got all the dark sight NSA power in those glasses. How about like, wow, Quinn, you're a real nice guy. Let me just really quick.

Background check, Quentin Beck. Wait what? Wait what. Wait, what? Exactly, because he's not even like using a different name. Yes. Yeah, that's the dude that worked for Stark Industries. And again, the plot hole of why wouldn't Nick Fury look who that guy was? But I guess because he's a fucking scroll Ben Mendelsohn the whole time.

I hate it. I just fucking despise that decision. But yes, he gives him the power to the glasses and in a fun twist, but it takes a little too long, this like sequence when he leaves like, we got him. It's kind of. I do like this. It's fun. I like a lot of the hologram. Like a lot of the bar is a holograms.

Some of the patrons are holograms and it all falls apart. This is all really cool, I think. And then it's like a victory lap for the team that's been doing this and kind of like, yeah, I know it's been holograms, but also she did the other stuff that made it. Thank you guy from Iron Man One. Thank you. Peter. What's his face?

Peter Billisley. Yes, from Ralphie from Christmas story. A Christmas story. A fav a confidant of favs. And you have that clip of him like getting yelled at. by Jeff Bridges or whatever. It's the great Tony Tony Clark built us in a cave from

scraps. Yep, totally. And I didn't remember that being Peter Billingsley. Yeah. But it's definitely him in the movie. It is. And I kind of, I wish like, I want to be there when Jeff Bridges got whatever check it was. Maybe it was like $100. But they have to pay him for being in this movie. Sure.

Wait, what? I did what? I'm voicing a penguin right now. Pretty cool. Oh, yeah, I'll take. I mean, yeah. Scraps books. You want to cut?

I mean, it's a multiverse. What if only? Oh, if only. Why not at this point? Why not? But, yeah, so we get the whole backstory here. And yes, Tony. In Civil War.

In Civil War, when you see him presenting the de-aged R.D.J. We're having this family therapy thing with John Slattery and whatever. Yeah. That was an idea of Quentin Beck's. Barf. Yeah. Barf. It was called Barf.

Can you? My beautiful invention, he called it Barf. After my least favorite spaceballs character, I'm so fucking mad about that. I wanted to call it Vespas. At least dot Matrix. Come on, please. But yeah, Mysterio will be the greatest hero on Earth. And I like to Peter Parker, poor kid.

The weird thing about, like, he gives a very big speech and like it does fit everything nicely together that you were watching. And again, it's trying to be a twist. the last movie, which is totally fine. The question is, it's the, it's the South Park underwear gnomes thing of just sort of like, steal underwear, something, and then money.

And I'm like, what is the second still? Okay, I'm going to become an Avengers level Avenger guy. And I'll always use holograms. I mean, also what happens when a real threat comes in? You're going to be like, what are you going to do in that moment? Can't smoke and mirrors that shit. Well, you got to eat us. It's true.

Oh, now you can just drone strike everybody with these glasses. Yeah, that's true. But like, how is it for money? Like, is this team all? going to now make a lot of money or are they trying to take over the world are they trying to stark industries it sounds like they everyone will listen to him once he is the new eye like is the new face of this so they like all right like what is what is the purpose of the thing like once once you get all this power and once you are installed as the new iron man or whatever then what exactly

yeah that what's and you got to say what it is exactly it's absolutely because because it just without it, it boils down to ultimate power. It's a fucking Skeletor thing and it's not real. Ultimate power is not real? I guess I'll stop pursuing it. Yeah, probably should. No, yeah, I think it's a skeletor thing

for sure. I mean, that otherwise you don't get anything. It's just like, you're going to meet me at the summit. And at the summit, things will happen. It's a high, man, right? You know, seeing yourself in the newspaper. Addicted to the high of the stereo. I got to imagine. And it's a better movie if he does.

I kept thinking like, and then, and then Mysterio kills Peter Billingsley. And then Mysterio kills. And he never does. And I'm like, come on. Shoot that guy in the head. It's right there. He's got that hilarious fake bald cap on. Yeah.

Just do it. Like when he says like Edith, like, where are my loose ends? And it's the kids later. Why not also these people? Yeah, totally. Like I have analyzed that all of these people will rat you out to the authorities, so you should kill them all too. Because now you have Edith to do.

You can have Edith, do press the keyboard. You know what I mean? Exactly. Do the computer shit. That would be more interesting. thing is if he used the glasses and, like, uploaded to Billingsy, like, a computer and was like, take all data, learn this

and, like, learn about the wardrobe, do all these things, Edith. And then, yeah, kill them off. Because I also had a memory of him killing all these people, like poisoning the champagne when they all took a drink. Oh, fuck. That would be cool, too. I was like, didn't he get rid of everybody? Dude, if he just Jones tan this?

That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Because now that I have these glasses, I don't need you anymore, Joanne from costumes. But then, no, you get the later in the big London situation. You see them all. They're all doing their work. Everybody's got a part to play in this whole thing here. So because of all the shenanigans with these fake elementals,

now the class trip is canceled. No more Paris. So Peter's like, well, let's, hey, MJ, they meet like at the hotel. He's coming back from Spider-Manning. And he's like, hey, want to go do something or whatever? So they go on this nice little walk here. Quickly, though, we have to speak with. Oh, yes, this is where it happens.

Is between second and third base, at least with Betty, because he is in a robe. Because he's like, yeah, Peter, you know, obviously, like our parents want us home because they're scared about all these mental mental mentals. Right. And it's like, all right, this is our last night in Europe. And then Betty's like, you're coming, babe? And I'm like, and he's in a robe. And he was coming and he runs to her. It's like, soon enough.

So that's-any-minute now. Yeah, you're right. At least hand stuff. At least hand stuff. Any minute now for sure, right? When you're that young, your first time, right? It's pretty quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They'd have the stamina. They call that premature, that ejaculate. There's no fucking anime underwear under this kid's robe, though, I'll tell you right now. He's fucking freeball. Oh, definitely, dude. Because he's about to waltz into his free hotel suite to get a hand job from Betty. I mean, I feel like either Martin Starr or J.B. Smooth has to be like, nah, man, you got to be in your own room.

Yeah, I see where you go with that robe. Get your fucking buns back in your own room, Ned, pervert. Ladies man. Maybe put some wrapping over the present. You know, I just, I, that thing could flap out any minute. But we've had to do the my dick in a box thing. Yeah. Oh, man, Mysterio could make it look bigger, I guess.

Would that be something? Oh, would that be something? Like a holographic extender? Like it looks like it's such a huge cock, but then when it's inside, it feels smaller than it. Well, no, what would have to happen, I suppose, would be, it would be Mysterio. It would be Mysterio. And he's got this big old dick. Like, oh, cool.

and like, well, and then like you're being pleasureed by Mr. You and it feels like the right dick, but then like accidentally it's been a drone the whole time. It's like a little pencil version of a drone. It's like a long small long drone. Yeah. Artu Ditu, what are you doing here?

He's in a warehouse with Billingsley. It's just like, no, it's got to be bigger. Can I have the swing be a little less? Just like I want it to swing, but not that much. That's why the glasses need full control though, because you can't have this army of people orchestrating the special effects of making your penis appears bigger, you know. And like, it just,

Jill and all just jerking off at the corner while this is happening. It's not even there. It's not working, Billingsley. You're right, by the way, Archie D2, such a little slut. No, totally. Dude, fuck the death star. Fucking everything. Fucking doors left and right.

So, but there's been like a will they won't they, a cute will they won't they for Peter and MJ. And like, he doesn't know if she likes, he likes him, but she's always been like stealing glances at him. And it's like, hey, it's our last trip. Do you want to go? Just, yes, like immediately. Like, yes, let's go.

He's kind of excited. They go for this walk. And, like, it's a very funny. Like, this was a jarring, like, twist of like, your Spider-Man, right? I'm like, oh, shit, that's fun. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Which then, though, like, when he does admit it in this scene, she's like, I was just, fuck. Wait, what? You're actually, uh-oh. And then he's like, oh, you were only interested in me because you thought I was Spider-Man, which again is a good Spider-Many twist to this relationship. Exactly.

Like, you dig on Spider-Man. Yes. But now that you know that I'm Spider-Man, will you still dig on Spider-Man? Because it's a package of deal, sorry to tell you. I mean, I'll wear the mask. But, you know, I got to be Peter at something. I could do night monkey stuff.

We want to do night monkey stuff later. She reveals that she has stolen this projector thing. And he realizes pretty quickly. It turns on for a second. Yeah, this cloud monster is just there. I guess you can just press play. Yeah. Oh, like a play button.

Rewind. But yes, he realizes the elementals are fake and Mysterio then pops up in this hologram too. And it's like, oh, I'm a fucking moron. And this is, he's like, I am Spider-Man. And I really messed up. I fucking gave this world. I gave this dude Patriot Act glasses. We cut to the warehouse where we're working on the big finale in London.

And yes, Billingsley does reveal like, oh, one of the projectors is missing. And he's like, this is when, and he even puts a laser on his head. shoot this guy in the head. Make it a villain, please. Like, fucking Michael Keaton, although it's, it is accidental. He fucking kills the, like, the first- Marshall Green, yeah, the first shocker. I love he goes to Boeem Woodbine. He's like, you're the new shocker now. Yes. Which is really great. But, like, in that, he's like,

oh, I thought that was the other gun or whatever. And it's a funny thing, but he fucking kills somebody. Like, do it. Do it. And he's, I'll fucking, I mean, we do get that in this movie, too. But, like, Michael Keaton keeps me like, I'll fucking kill that kid. I'll kill the kid. I'm like, it's creepy. Keaton is really good in that movie.

Because you know that that guy will just ease it like that fucking ice pick killer. He'll do it again. He doesn't give a shit. Not at all. Fucking kill you. It won't feel a goddamn thing. Well, and also his story is much more relatable to a general audience. Oh, yeah.

I want to kill kids all the time. If it meant that you didn't have your nice house in New York and your wife and daughter had respect for you no more. Yeah. Yeah, of course you would do shit like this. Whereas Jake Gyllenhaal, I want the power. Exactly. Like, yeah, it's very much like I was, I was wronged by Tony Stark, therefore I don't like Tony Stark, which makes me a bad guy.

And it's like, I just need like a little bit more there. Yep, exactly. So we do get to Berlin here and this is Fury picks up Peter and we go to, I'm sure the signs a Euro pole. Okay. Which I guess we didn't license Interpol, I guess, or Europol is a real thing. Probably one or the other. Wait, Paul Banks wasn't there?

And this is he's telling him about like illusion tech and this, that, and the other thing. And then, uh-oh, this whole office building was illusion tech and it all starts coming down here. And I have to say, this is only the second time I've seen this movie. The first time I saw it, I didn't care for all this illusion tech stuff. Yeah. But I guess now because rewatching it, the rest of the story, and all the shield shit, like, so totally exhausted me that this time I was like, oh, this is actually neat and there should actually be more of this.

I kind of agree. Like, this is a really cool sequence of just sort of like the world keeps changing. I don't understand how or why Mysterio would or could change the costume Spider-Man is wearing. That doesn't make a ton of sense in the reality of the thing. But again, this is a costume pornography. We need to have multiple costumes at any given moment. Exactly. I mean, I guess it's just a thing of like he can make.

allusions like go on to everything with these drones these are some magic ass drones sure I have to say well Tony Stark made them so of course that's right I forgot about that but yeah you're just a kid in a smart suit which is a great line and it's totally true absolutely because it's a kid in the smart suit instead of Spider-Man but you know this is we talk

this is all the stuff he really starts laying it on about controlling the truth and when you control the truth you control people and this is my vague plan. We got zombie Ironman for a second. That's kind of fun. That is pretty sweet. I did like that. The illusion,

that when he's in the abandoned place and he just throws all those illusions out is, I think, the most visually interesting part of the whole thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do, like, Mysterio's, like, the fishbowl head turning into a snow globe of New York City and Spider-Man's, like, stuck inside it. Nice lady of Shanghai reference with all the mirrors. Yep.

Hell yeah, dude. and he thinks that the illusion is broken by Fury shooting Mysteria right here, which is pretty cool. But then he's got the great line. It's easy to fool people when they're already fooling themselves. And he makes Spider-Man get rocked by this train. Spider-Man has to reveal who he told, which is basically. That's what he's trying to get out of him right now.

Ned and MJ. And then he gets rocked by a train, which is kind of fun. But so he tells. he can just go hit by a train by the way? Spider-Man? You're not super strength, you know. From the bug, from the bug bike?

Yeah, from the bug bite. Yeah. You ever trying to kill spider? It's pretty difficult. Sometimes it is difficult. You might need to double up that web noose. If a train doesn't break this

shit, I don't know if a fucking web's going to do it. Also, I'd have to get a really tall stool to get to the Chrysler. Really big one, baby. You know what I like the idea of the idea of sitting around and being like, what would I do with Spider-Man's powers. I'd kill myself.

The opinion of more people than I think you know. If you had to deal with that kind of shit, you're like, nah, I'm gone. Oh, man, if I was Superman, I'd just fucking kill myself. Well, whoa, no, that's super. Superman. Okay. Superman, I would just walk the earth. I'd walk down the street, lasering every single person I saw.

How's the green lantern? I'd just fly up into space. Take a look at all its glorious beauty. and then rip that ring off my hand and kill myself. Or make a big green noose in space. Attach it to the moon or something. Or green, you know what,

it would be great because you could shotgun yourself in the face. You wouldn't even have to use your toes because it would just be a green lantern shot. Oh, that's right. No, wait, Kirk Cobain, he's not a superhero. Oh, you're talking as Green Lantern. As Green Lantern.

Because he took off after they stopped recording in utero. That's when he took off the ring. And it was like, no more, no more magic. I'm done with this. Man, you know, if I was the flash, I'd just get going so fast, I'd run right out into the ocean and stop running eventually. Because, I mean, the fucking pain killer of the flash, your thighs are just throbbing. And then, of course, Spider-Man, you're swinging all day, these biceps better be as big as fucking Fortin-Nagher, maybe. I think out of all the superheroes, Spider-Man is the powers I least want.

I think, no, you'd have a pretty good career in the NBA, you know what I mean? Like, you could just be like a, you'd be very athletic, you know what I mean? You know, we can steal that ball from you. Exactly, it's super super a little link. Oh, yeah, you do like a little string to the ball. Exactly. The paddle ball. Yeah, paddle ball.

Yeah, totally. Oh, Brad, this is interesting. Parker is using a web sling to stop the three-point drive. Well, there's nothing in the book that says a spider can't play. It's true. The rule book says it. I did a search of them. There's no web in any of this.

So somehow Peter wakes up in a jail in the Netherlands. And back at this point is also ordered Edith. He says that Parker's class on their way back to the states has to fly out through London is the idea. So go ahead and make all the adjustments on kayak magic glasses to change the booking. Working overtime on kayak. I do think I like the Netherlands jokes that everybody's really nice. Chris, you had a big one. magical European vacation type of thing.

Now, did you ever end up in the Netherlands at all? I never did the Netherlands. I was going to ask you if they're actually this nice. Oh, I know. I've been to Prague and I've been to Venice, but that's it. Okay. But yeah, he's just in jail with all of these very kind soccer hooligans, which is pretty funny.

And I think that that is something, again, in the next movie when it gets amped up and there's so much like stuff from other movies that they have to react to and they have to roll their eyes. Like, the humor in this movie and the first, movies are never at the expense of the story. Right. It's just, it's funny stuff that happens in the story. And I think that the third movie flips that in a big, big way.

The third movie is, we talked about it in the commentary, but yeah, isn't this all stupid? Isn't it so dumb all this shit we're doing? Because you're bouncing in the first movie, you're bouncing off teen comedies, which can be very funny, very easily. You're playing with stuff that everybody's relating to. When you're bouncing off the only one I can think of National Lampoon's European vacation, it's a little more difficult. You didn't dig the pig and the poke thing in the beginning

And that's bullshit That was the big problem God damn it Well that's interesting How big is this trope actually Because I called it a trope at the beginning of the episode But it's this movie National Lampoon

Oceans 12 What are the sequel takes a European vacation? No Did the police academy ever go to Europe or no? Yes, Mission to Moscow Which is the final nail in the coffin Do they only go to Moscow or are they globe trotting?

I think I just go to Moscow I think just See that doesn't count to me Like you have to do a couple You have to do at least two I think Is Moscow on the Europe side of Russia? So yeah because it is it's it's west-ish Yeah yeah

Maybe that kind of counts Yeah but yeah And yeah I don't know Yeah it's just it's always annoying Because it's that Sandler thing Of like you're just on vacation Yes Comment below if there's other European vacation

Sequel we're forgetting Yeah we're up to hear So he's got to make a call. He calls happy. We get this jet landing in this beautiful tulip field here that's just destroyed. Destroyed. Come on. All the nice

people of the Netherlands that we just saw should run out there with pitchforks and torches. Start setting this plane on fire. Thank God Mysterio does destroy the plane not too long after. It's that it's a great thing with Lyle Landly. There he is. Roe seat four and a half of the planes

land. Is there, is happy a billionaire now? Like, well, how does this work? I think Tony probably set him up. Oh, yeah. He's got that banger Long Island City apartment in the next movie. I feel like that's his own personal thing. Maybe you get M.A. if you got that kind of money. You definitely have a charge account from hell.

That's true. Because like the company is still standing. It's just your Bill Gates died. Yeah. Or I guess the Apple guy. Steve Jobs is a little more apt. Pepper is running with the daughter. She's like the Tim Apple now.

Oh, right. The daughter. I forgot about the dirter. That's right. I had no memory of that. I don't need to know. Let's just move on. But so, yeah, this is, you know, the big old Mr. Stark, this, that,

and the other thing, blah, blah, blah. You know, happy kind of makes him realize. Like, no, this dude, like, they'd have confidence in you, man. And, you know, you are an idiot for giving this guy glasses. Just going to put that out there. You know, your dad type doesn't have to look exactly like Tony Stark. You'd have a couple more pounds than the... Could have a little less hair than Tony's...

Starkhead. You know, and it could be a little stupider as well, just generally speaking. But he could also know what it's like to have sex with your aunt. Oh, whoops, shouldn't set that one. Oh, boy. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. No, you should still save the world. You should. They do build on the

paranoia stuff from the illusion tech. I do like where he's like, like, happy, tell me something that only you would know, so I know that it's you, whatever. And he does this whole thing about, remember that time at the hotel bill had that movie ordered, but it didn't have the price, it didn't have the title on it, but it had the price that was higher and I knew what it

was. That's a fucking great little wine. It's funny. And then this is basically, again, more and I'm not, I like the last costume in this movie. It's really cool, the red and black one. It's pretty fucking dope. I'm not made a stone here. No, but it's at least not like metallicy. It's just when it looks like it is an Iron Man Spider-Man suit,

that's the check-out. I don't mind if it's hip looking like this, but it's got to be like breathable material and not a suit of armor kind of. And I mean, like, literally the third movie does all of this work and magic and spells and all this stuff to kind of set up a regular spider what should be it's like oh now I'm going to have

a regular costume and I'm living in a shitty apartment I'm like that's fucking Spider-Man. Yeah exactly but so yes he's we put back in black funny little joke I always love Led Zeppelin Oh that's so good I really enjoy that but he's and now he's being a little Iron Man Jr. here a little bit

and it's just like you're not like Tony and he's like yes you are yeah yes you are. Remember iron man, remember? Remember? You remember that guy? We've been talking about him the whole time. You know who he is. And actually the dirter is the thing in, and now I'm remembering an end game, which is kind of like why their universe never makes sense ever again because they have to have the blip. Because the way to do that when they do time travel is like, oh, we'll just, I think even they say we'll go back and make so that this never happened and that the last five years never happened. And that'll be great. We'll just go back to right before that. And then Iron Man's like, but my daughter and all this other stuff.

So then they have to do it so it happens after the five-year blip. Oh, God. If I remember, something can yell at me. And that's the reason. And that is like sort of the original sin because actually if you just did that where it's like, it's a little deflating dramatically, like, oh, we went back and changed it so it never happened. But again, like having all this weird extra stuff because of the blip that you never fully understand or explore is kind of worse, in my opinion.

I think you're right. But so everybody gets to London. And this is really hilarious. This is where Brad tries to make the move of like, isn't Peter Parker a scumbag and like everybody turns on them? And it's like, what are you doing taking pictures of people in the bathroom, Brad? Yes, MJ embarrasses him as well. So we know it's not happening.

It's a really great J.B. Smooth thing that like he goes up to the kid like after he's like, hey, man, no more photos in the bathroom. Yeah, no journals, no stalls. He's got a great... Get off kick, God damn it. He's got a great runner about that there's witches that are doing this. It's very funny. I'm a man of science, and I believe it was witches.

So, yeah, Beck starts his little terrorist attack here, and this is Fury. Still thinking that Beck is on their side, and you see this hologram floating around outside the window where I guess it's a shield office or something like that. And then the kids are getting picked up by this The bus driver or whatever And this is an evil bus driver dude who's taking them to the kill zone

Which is the middle of the bridge The bus driver was the screenwriter behind his little story of like I'm from Earth A33 Yes right Guntherman or something Mysterio's number three or whatever Right but Spider-Man I do like this whole thing He's got to like get through the illusion and him like

Just diving like head first into this thing and then he crashes through it and you see the inner workings. It's all really cool visually. This should be happening outside the Hollywood sign. I would agree. He busts this stuff up and like, you know, it seems like the illusion should be done,

but Mysterio is obsessed with keeping the illusion, which is fine, but again, a little more if I knew why. Well, he kills the illusion pretty quickly, and he's just like, oh, they won't remember that. And I guess because they're, They're about to find out who Spider-Man is, and that's going to change the narrative. But that's what I wonder, like, is revealing Spider-Man's identity the plan the whole time, or is it the, like, this kid's about to fucking kill me.

Here's the backup protocol. I think it's the second one. Yeah. But his plan doesn't make a ton of sense. And I also think, like, I think Jolenhall is good in this, but I think it's very clear, this is not Jake Jollenhall's best work, right? Or, like, even like, this is Jake Jillen Hall and, like, on, on, on, on, on, level three. He's got not enough

to work with, right? Like, he doesn't even know his plan. Exactly. Think about ambulance when he's like that fucking maniac. Or like a night crawler, which is not a great movie, but he's really good in and he's a good maniac in that too. You know, like these are, he could play menacing, creepy dudes and it's just... He's better with an

edge. Yes, exactly. He needs that adult edge to him. And I like the idea that he's using affability to get what he wants, but at some point I want to see the edge kind of sharper. Well, that's, I think, I mean, the joke, quote, unquote, quote and I hate it is like, did you know Jake Gyllenha was supposed to be Spider-Man for a little bit?

And now he's kind of the villain of Spider-Man. Did you understand? I've read 150 fucking articles in Entertainment Weekly about this. They are. The MCU is obsessed with what Entertainment Weekly was publishing or not publishing. That's what that Deadpool and Wolverine movie is. Like any like, oh, remember Henry, people said Henry Cavill could make good Wolverine.

We'll have Henry Cavill as Wolverine for five seconds. Who couldn't care? Who gives a shit? Apparently the entire world. Henry Cavill appears as Wolverine in that movie. He sure does for a few seconds. It's good where it is. Where that, the nowhere place in your brain,

that's where that movie is supposed to be. That's a pretty big piece of real estate up here. I don't know if I could ever go back to that movie. I don't know. I don't know if I could have. Yeah, something about watching a three-hour toy commercial just doesn't really do it. Maybe a commentary if people really want.

Oh. Really good a Jillyn Hall delivery, though, when like the hologram is fighting this. elemental or whatever he's just got this this is for my family yeah it's just a really weird pronunciation and it's kind of cool like he's in this like

mocap suit I love that and he's got the fish bowl but it's giving him information it's a really clever way to do this credit we're credits too yeah yeah um but yeah so we're so he spider man is webbing up all of the drones and this is how he basically I mean this is the end of the movie

he drones he webs up a lot of the drones and makes this whole thing start collapsing on itself. He shocks. He, the one of the things he gives himself in the the suit maker they have on the jet is electric shocks. And he shocks all the drones, not all the drones, but a good portion of drones so that the

thing starts breaking down. That's right. Yeah, yeah. And by the way, I just looked at my notes, since I do not want this not in the episode. Sure. There are like Buckingham Palace guards, like the tall hat guys. Yeah. Sure, those guys. Machine, like, shoot at it. That's pretty wild. oh my god where's that movie

where's the movie where the tall hat guys do stuff that should have been in that the sequel of that draw oh actually that's one in the sequel of whatever the whatever Gerard Butler's White House down London has fallen London has fallen it's already didn't that already happen no no I'm saying that's a European

vacation sequel I just saw you met the tall hat guys were in there I can't believe I'm an American in London it's so bizarre to be here as an American here in London God bless America All of them salute that queen What a weird idea that is

What to be in America We've done Olympus and Angel Do we ever go to London? Maybe we go to London one day We should go to London We did one and three But not two Yes

Because Nick Dolty is in three And I think that we had He's the father Oh that's right Oh my goodness We'll do London Oh absolutely But the

But the other part That's happening here Which I think doesn't work And again, I love all these side characters Happy with the kids in the museum We keep cutting to it And I care less every time it happens Because that's like a Scooby-Doo adventure

Yes And I'm here for a Spider-Man movie And I do like that entire gaggle of fucking characters Yes Every last one of those freaks is great But just like At this point they can be in a huge net Maybe they're in a cell of some kind

Maybe there's a force field or just put them someplace and let's end the movie And it just sort of like It never reaches, it just actually takes the temperature down of the end of the movie a little bit. They're being chased by a single drone. Spider-Man's fighting 80 of them. But you know, you get MJ to be active by getting with a maze and stuff like that. But at the same time, this is a long movie.

It is indeed a long movie. And it's like, yeah, it's the crown jewels room and the Tower of London that we're running to hide in and all this shit. Now you have a $300,000 mace with you like that you just are trying to steal, I guess. I won't say it's worth it. The sequence isn't worth it for this one moment, but it is a funny, happy trying to throw a shield at the fucking drone. I just kept doing. Yeah, it's just so great because it barely goes like six inches and just falls on the ground.

Oh, I should take some of that soup. I need to get some of that serum that he had and turn me into a mutant. Again, just another thing, though, in the scene, we are doing the, we all think we're going to die. So we're all like admitting shit or whatever. And that he's like, I'm in love with Peter Parker's aunt or Spider-Man's aunt, he says. Which is also now, when you say I'm in love with Spider-Man's hand, that just lets everybody know it's Peter Parker. Exactly. Why else would Spider-Man's aunt come into play?

And who is the hottest ant in the world? It's Aunt MJ, Aunt May, rather. Who has an important aunt at all, that would be Peter Parker? But so, yeah, Peter gets up to the top of this tower bridge here. That's where Mysterio is conducting everything, and we just have a big fucking fight. Mysterio does, he's like, Edith, fire all the drones. And she's like, but you're in the path. He's like, I don't get fire everything.

He gets a little Jillenhold down. Fire all the drones now. Yeah, that is a good delivery there. I mean, that's the thing that I think is weird about it because him, Quentin Beck, donning the Mysterio persona, it's Jake Gyllenhaal doing, I am a superhero, which is a lot of it, which is weird. But when you get him doing it, it's just this. He's a scumbag guy trying to do this plan.

Then it's when, so like in this tower bridge moment, this is where Jillenhall, I think, really shines because he can get a little nuts right here. He's, you know, the last gasp of this character,

whatever. He's got his slicked back operator hair at the very end, when he's got the blows brain out. You're totally right, dude, it is operator hair. The contractor or whatever

that fucking Guy Ritchie movie, The Covenant, Jesus Christ. Oh, no, I wouldn't know what that is. Oh, boy. And Jillenhall's in that? Oh, yeah.

He is, Jalen Hall is, that was maybe two, three years ago? There are so many secret Guy Ritchie movies that I'll never watch. This was one of the lesser

of the guy, there's some of those like the Satham ones the best one of course but like some of these recent Ritchie ones, some of them are good junk and other ones like the covenant

it's just like, I'm being serious. I'm talking about war now. And I'm like, no, no, no, don't you dare. I don't need that from you. Don't you dare.

But yeah, so this whole thing where it looks like Peter is talking to Quentin Beck on the ground. And then it's illusion tech. Quentin Beck is behind Peter. The spider sense kicks off here, which I'm going to call it a spider sense, and I'm not going to call it a Peter tingle because that's disgusting.

It's a disgusting. That's another joke that like it gets worse every time you hear it. Yep, it really does. But it's funny the first time Aunt May calls it that. It's like a funny, oh, my aunt, my incredibly retorty. Stop calling it Peter Tingles. Stop calling it Peter Tingle. That's what I get when I look at you because I get boners and my aunt's hot

and it's fucking confusing. Oh no. There's a therapy. Green Goblin doesn't eat it. I need it. God damn it. You know, I was once attracted to my aunt, too. I was in the soup kitchen right now. You ever thought you'd see the Green Goblin and the soup kitchen? Here I am. Here's the Green Goblin needing a handout. Isn't that weird? Hey, this pasta ain't half bad.

Hey, who says soup kitchen food's terrible? This is real tomatoes. the package. Well, thanks, Aunt May. Isn't it a cool thing for the Green Goblin to be having lunch with Aunt May? I've always wanted it, my Italian. So, whatever, Beck winds up, yep, firing on himself and kills himself, essentially. And as this is happening, you do see him on the horn with Billingsley, and Billingsley is uploading something, but you don't really know what the upload is about just, yeah. but Beck does succumb to the drone fire here and dies. And again, and he dies.

And like, you know, we, we save the day. There's a cute scene with MJ and Peter. They finally kiss. First kiss. Yes. Both of them are right side up, too. Yeah. The most chaste kiss I've ever seen.

It's like, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of weird. You know, passionate bigger kisses are for mommies and dad. That's true. Mommies and daddies can only kiss with opens mouths. That's right. That's a learn.

You're going to learn that somewhere else. but yes the spider man's gonna call nick fury or whatever right there's something hill and yeah oh hill and fury meet up with happy at one point they figured happy figure happy lets

Nick Fury know that and Mysterio's not in not on the level hill hits it with the drone that's gonna kill Fury with right yeah at the same time it's like the movie's trying to end I don't want to check I do have to check in with everyone exactly is it leaving a big party it's like oh fuck

Nick Fury is in the bathroom do I have to wait to say goodbye to him? No, you know what you're going to see Nick Fury in the next movie? I don't need to say goodbye to him. Text him. But we get the Ramones again. I do appreciate this. I want to be your boyfriend, great Ramones' tune, as we land in Newark, New Jersey, not where they were from. You also can't see the skyline from the airport like this? I don't know. Could you fly international out of LaGuardia like that?

Because I know you can fly. That's what I'm... Yeah, I was guessing this was LaGuardia, but I don't know. No, it's... It's supposed to... Yeah, you don't see the city. Yeah, no. It's... It's kind of far away. But yeah, I don't know.

I think it's, there's probably fewer internationals out of there. Clearly, United paid very handsomely for this product placement. We do have, it's a nice moment. Peter and MJ are holding hands off the plane. Meanwhile, Ned and Betty have broken up and they're being hilariously mature about it, which is very good. I like that. Ned's got some line about like, I think grew up on the trip and you know you're a man.

Whatever is. Men and women grow apart. Yeah. It's a very like 40-year-old marriage counselor line, which is very funny. I do. Oh, man, but great again, Tony Revely a bit of comedy here where his parents have sent the chauffeur. And he's like, oh, so mom couldn't pick me up, huh? Oh, man.

You got rich parents that hate you, Flash Thompson. That's great. I'm really glad that he has kept up since Grand Budapest Hotel because I was really worried seeing that he was like, he's going to do this movie and then he's going to be gone. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's really nailed it since then. Because some of those Wes Anderson people have been like a one and done. Yeah, exactly. I've sourced your own in. I mean, who knows? She works pretty well.

I'm thinking like who's the who's the guy there in Tenenbaum's that's sideled with Bill Murray. Like that guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dudley. Dudley, there it is. And the two kids. That car has a dent in it. Love Dudley.

Fascinating. Halper-sox. Yeah, there you go. But, yeah, so, you know, we got the stinger here or the, you know, the whole ending or whatever. We're swinging around NYC. That's the thing, objection, Your Honor. I forget how the movie actually ends proper. Like, it's basically he, uh...

He takes a selfie at one point while swinging around. Do you like that? He's going to go with... It's Peter asking... MJ to swing, right? Well, it's the... Whoa. That's really odd. God damn.

You guys are just starting out. It's Peter asking happy and Aunt May if they're dating And like that whole thing and happy things they are And she's considering it a summer fling Oh no That's tough I don't know Peter Ned and Beatty just broke up I don't know if we can swing

I don't know if that's great I don't know Yes but they swing off him and MJ and Peter swing off And then the movie Ends proper That is the end of the movie We're ending with the go-go's it's very nice And like but then to do the This big stinger with

I just I just I don't like actual information in a stinger. I don't look. This is the, this is the climax of the movie. Roger Ebert. It is. He was right.

He was 100% right. Once the fucking credits, take your movie's over. Can't progress your story any farther. You could do like fun stuff for what the next movie might be in terms of like, you know, do the scroll reveal because who cares. Exactly. But this whole thing of revealing his name and all that.

This is a huge moment. And it's just like I might have left. You know what? In the audience might have left. Like this is, this is the end point. This is the end of the movie. This is the scene you put, then credits, and then you have the one stinger of the douchebag scroll reveal.

But, you know, they've conditioned the audience over 27 years to stay in the theater. Yeah, to really punish your bladder even further. We're like, Jesus fucking Christ, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ. Just go in the theater. But can you imagine, yeah, you're ready to fucking burst. You're going to piss your pants watching Spider-Man far from home. Just piss on the floor. But then you get this, the stinger, the thing you waited for is something that's like, oops, the movie was lying to you the whole time.

Oh, yeah. Shut up. But we do get, you know, J.K. Simmons, which is great. Yeah. I think it's a fun idea to do the bugle.

That net or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Controversial websites. You were definitely pushing the Alex Jones of it all, which is, yep, which is fun. And again, Mysterio was kind of talking about that a little bit,

but that's not in the movie really. I bet there's, I bet there's some other drafts out there that really underlined it a lot more. Yeah, and that would be much more interesting. You know what I mean? Well, because also the reason why you don't do that, though,

necessarily be like reporting on European goings on. You know what I mean? If it was a New York set movie or I'm fucking beating a dead horse, I understand, a Los Angeles set movie, then it would make more sense to cut back to J.K. Simmons and we got reports out of Los Angeles. Spider-Man's fucking around out there now.

Whatever it is. Now the next one's the one where we bring back all the good actors. That's the next one. The good coats are always in the back. Yes. But yeah, so they dissolve into scrolls and it's like, what are we going to tell? Sam Jackson's not even on planet.

Do you remember that Captain Marvel happened? Here we go. I got to tell you, man. I checked out of that fucking scroll show, Toot Sweet. I never started. Two episodes. Secret invasion. Secret invasion is the end.

I watched the entirety. Wow. Was it worth it? They kill Maria Hill, so kind of. I watched when she died. I was like, oh, cool, I'm good. She does die early on in it. But yeah, it's like, oh, Nick Fury is actually married to a scroll. Isn't that anything?

Is that doing it for? So she can be anyone. That's a cool movie. Yeah, that's right. That's right. You know what I'm wondering, though? Because wasn't Captain Marvel 2019 also, and wasn't it after this? No, no.

It was before? Yeah, because she's in those, Infinity War and all that stuff. Oh, that's right. Of course. Oh, yeah. Also, you forgot the funny joke. What about Captain Marvel? Don't you ever bring up that name to me?

That's right. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so he's just on this scroll spaceship or, or shield station or whatever it is. And you know, I actually did get a legit laugh over Where's My Shoes or whatever? Just walking barefoot on this alien space station.

Who's got my shoes? And what looks like an Andor prison cell, just a little bigger? I mean, I'm sure somebody knows this. Like, what is this even setting up or? What is he doing in space? Is that even something? Yeah, I don't know. That's why I got confused just now talking about it

because I was like, well, Captain Marvel's in space. Guys, the answer's always, who cares? No, there's so many threads that are not a Spider-Man movie that you just have to be like, which is which and why? Nobody remembers what happened in the Marvel. So who knows what's got? Something was revealed, I'm sure, in there. I don't remember any of it.

You saw Kelsey Gramer reprises role as Beast in that. I've still not seen the Marvel. Because they burst through a dimensional hole or something, and it's somebody wakes up and there's beasts and I think maybe one or two other X-Men. No, it's just Beast and what's her name, Taina Paris? is like she comes out too and it's like she's in the other multiverse

now. That's what, okay. As much as I love, Hedda, I would not suggest you become a Nia Costa completus. You don't need the marvels in your brain. Head is great, but that's it. Yeah. But that is the end of this movie here. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts. Mr. Siska.

It's not a recommend, but it's almost the light one. There's still enough charm here. I Martin Starr, J.B. Smooth than stuff. Yeah. There's elements that work, you know, but overall, it's kind of a big shoulder shrug for me. Yeah. So that's it. That's fair. Chris Cabin. Big nope. I mean, I like that you get Martin Starr and I like that Jake Schillenhall is really putting his elbow into it towards the

end especially. But the script is just garbage. Like, I just couldn't care. Like, every time I was starting to care about something, they have to switch it completely to another, like, part of the story. That's not really the story I'm here for, which is fucking. Peter Parker and MJ getting through whatever they're getting through. That's what I want. And that's why I even like, as much as I don't like Spider-Man 3,

it still feels like more of a movie than any of this shit. And like, so like, no. There you go. Steve's A day. This is when the bloom started coming off the rose in real time for me. Like I remember sitting watching this movie. I was with a buddy.

And I just, like, I went to the bathroom during the big, uh, Moulton Man fight. And I was like, I think I want to get popcorn. And like, I just, you know what I mean? And I was just sort of like, yeah, I'm just going to get popcorn.

Okay, I'll come back. Because I just didn't, the movie does. And I do think it actually plays better. It played better than I, this is my only my second time through. It played better than I remembered because, again, the comedy still, a lot of the comedy still works. But like, so much of the story just is who cares. And to Chris's point, it changes so many times. And it's such a shell game where I'm like, I don't care.

It doesn't really make sense. It's a payoff and all that stuff. And like, and since then I don't know. There's a, Guardian's Three. I really enjoyed. I like, I even was okay. I liked the Thunderbolts enough and I liked. I like that one.

Fantastic Four enough. But neither of them were like big world beater movies for me. So it's been a while since, and again, I really like a lot of the early Marvel, Marvel movies. This is just sort of what I feel like the, the, the turn started to happen here for me. I will always be surprised you like Guardians 3 because I really did not. I like that one rode to me the wrong way. I only saw it the one time. Just the one and done.

I only saw it once, but I like Thunderbolts. I saw that one and done. Of the recent, that was the one I was most forgiving. Probably the best of the recent output. I thought it did a lot of really interesting things. Yeah, you know, I would say after a second time through, this is maybe like a light recommend for me because there is enough in it that works. But again, just all of the paying homage to Tony Stark's memory and all of the shield stuff,

which like those actors, whether there is secret scroll or not, are clearly burned out on playing these characters. and it's like it's too big of a tent pole thing to not care about being in it. So it's just there's so much of that going on. Just, you know, franchise fatigue all around. Like the people who make these things experience this also. And I do think there's a lot of that going on. And yes, that third movie is way worse and a definite not recommend,

but for me at least lightest of recommends here. But that is going to do it on Spider-Man far from home from 2019 directed by John Watts. And that will do it on season 16. we hate movies. That's season Sweet 16. Sweet 16. I spend my thing.

Oh, yeah. I don't have the actual Ashley Simpson. Now, Hillary Duff. Oh, it's Hillary Duff. You're right. Now, any young people listening, ask your grandparents who Hillary Duff was.

She's coming back. She's got some TV stuff going on. Yeah, she's married to a hockey player, I think. I got a nice family. But she was at one point a TV fixture. Are you commenting beautiful family on her photographs? Good morning, sunshine. Hello there.

I love seeing you and your beautiful family. She banned me again. God damn. Well, start the week like I do every week, making another dupe account. Let's see if Kira Knightley has people. But it has been a journey from September through now. And as we do every year, we thank you all for sticking by us through all the episodes and all the fun times we've had. And all the bonus episodes on Patreon.

Oh, my God. There are so many. Of course, we did Spider-Man 2, the Sam Ramey movie this month, and we already let the cat out of the bag that next month, in just a few short days probably. That's right. Pulp Fiction will be the August. We love movies. And that's a in-studio record. That's a big boy. That's not a live episode. That's right. We also, of course, continued our journey into Southern California set 1990s primetime soap operas on Melro 210. Indeed. A big month, Chris Cabber. Oh, yeah. We're finally going to classes in college. That's great. Thank God for 9-0-2-0 actually doing what colleges do.

That's wonderful. And then we are It looks like we are done with kidnappings for the time being on Melrose Place. But cancer treatment still ongoing. Cancer treatment is still happening. We're going to New York. We're having some fun in New York. Some romance and happening in New York.

It's all very creepy, but a wonderful listen. That's right. And last week, we were. getting more Spider-Man excitement going on on the animation damnation. Yeah, we did Spider-Man and his amazing Friends, which was a late, early 80s answer to Super Friends where it was like, well, we could get Spider-Man, Ice Man makes a lot of sense, oops, we can't get Johnny Storm, so we'll just make a new character called Firestar and Mysterios in that episode as well.

And my favorite character, Sam or Stan Blockbuster. Yes, yes. Film director, Sam Blockbuster. And Iceman's favorite star, a porn star, Honey something. Honey dove. Honey dove. Oh, boy. Confirmation on this cartoon, Ice Man big pornography fan.

It must be. It's a very funny cartoon and a very funny episode. We also had a very funny Glob glossary last week. Yes, we finally cracked the shadows of the empire. We're talking about Dash Rendar and a lot of N64 talk on that as well. San Holo. And if you are listening to this on the day, it comes out, which is Tuesday, July, the 28th. Don't worry about it. Just two days from now, the next edition of our contemporary horror

recap show, Scarity Cats, is going to be available for that top tier on our Patreon. And that's right, it is our video and audio. You can get it in podcast form, but it is a video show where we go through newer movies in the horror genre 10 years or up. And yes, Evil Dead Rise was on the docket. So we went through all of that. Listen to me like that movie and everybody else hate it. But those are interesting episodes. Makes for a good time. And we were not mean to Steve. Everybody was an adult about it.

I cried afterwards, but that was different. No, you were just jerking off after the record. Tradition's tradition. You got to cry during that. It feels better. And Friday, we're going to close out not only the week, but the month with an all new episode of our Star Trek Recap show The Nexus, which does remind me once again, come join us in Las Vegas in just a few short weeks as a matter of fact.

Yes, please come on out. It's going to be a lot of fun. It's going to be raucous late night comedy in Las Vegas. And it's at STLV, which is one of the biggest Star Trek conventions in the world. But you don't have to have tickets to that convention to attend the shows. So if you just want to go to Vegas and fuck around, go to the sphere, hang out with your friends at We Hate movies. That could work too. You got to do it.

Imagine the people watching you could do on your way to this show. Oh, my God. It's going to be crazy. Oh, I just read, the country bears are going to be at the sphere. Oh, nice. Finally. I would go see that. Oh, God damn it.

I wouldn't go see the Eagles. you. Country bears. No. All right. Who would you rather see? I can't believe we're playing the sphere. That's right. We're playing the

sphere. Who would you rather see at the sphere, though, dude? The Eagles or the country bear? I would stay in the hotel and cry and jerk off. Yeah, that sounds good. That sounds sweet. Thursday, August 6th at 7.30. Friday, August 7th at 10.30. That's a late boy. And then Saturday, August 8th at 7.30. We're going to be doing

three episodes of the Nexus, Rath of Khan, Generations. And the 30th anniversary of First Contact. All shows happening inside the Rio Hotel and Casino Resort where the convention is taking place. That's going to be a lot of fun. But yet, technically we are done, but as always, every August

when we take studio time off, we're never done. There's always a new episode, folks. There's always a new episode. So next Tuesday, we're getting into the summer live shows that we're releasing. Steve Sadek, what is the first one out the gate? Speaking of European vacations, we're going to England, which is where we recorded this

episode. That's right. Last summer when we talked about King Ralph, long time, stay tuned, super fun episode, super fun convo on King Ralph. And everybody is surprised by the heat wave that is hitting Europe right now. And I got to tell you, I knew it last summer. We were at that fucking place.

My fucking God. Every summer, they're like, how is there a heat wave? It's like, this is the world now because we burnt it down. Yeah, that's it. Exactly. Invested air conditioning kids. Sorry. Exactly. But yeah, stay tuned next week for King Ralph live from Oxford UK. Definitely us calling him

King Baby throughout a lot of Burger King Talks. It was a fun as fuck show. But once again, thank you so much for a very fantastic season 16 and we'll see in September for 17. This train ain't stopping anytime soon. But until then, have a great summer. I've been, Andrew Juppin.

Steven's hit, Eric, Cisco. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.