We Hate Movies - S16 Ep879: Total Recall (1990, W❤️M, Live in Brooklyn)

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Recorded Live at the Bell House in Brooklyn, NY, 6 December, 2025“These domes are too cheap to colonize Mars!” - SteveOn this Summer Live episode, it’s our 15th Anniversary Show from the Bell House where we were in rare form chatting about the Arnold sci-fi classic, Total Recall!How hilarious is Arnold as this vague construction guy? Was this movie the Ground Zero for that Arnold Soundboard craze? Why does the Recall office only have the single chair if they’re the latest craze in techno-tainment? Why did they let Arnold get the procedure while wearing jeans and a corduroy jacket? And should we be calling these guys mutants? PLUS: The finale of the season sixteen VHS Trailer Game! Total Recall stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone, Michael Ironside, Rachel Ticotin, Marshall Bell, Mel Johnson Jr., Michael Champion, Roy Brocksmith, Dean Norris, Debbie Lee Carrington, Robert Costanzo, and Ronny Cox as Cohaagen; directed by Paul Verhoeven.This episode is brought to you by HIMs. Ready to reach your goals? Visit hims.com slash WHM to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you.Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Chris, you're burning the hot dogs. Chris, you're burning the hot dogs. Chris, you're burning the hot dogs. I like a little black on it, okay? I do too. I like a little char. I'm glad Richter didn't survive to get to this party. Oh, he'd be so disgusted with the spread we have here.

A bunch of burnt hot dogs, broken Doritos. Warm soda. Warm soda. Hot surge. Hot search. The hottest of surges. Oh, boiping hot. You almost feel like you're on mouths.

Mows. Mows. Mouse. Mouse. Yes, that crude and mean impression can only mean one thing. We're about to introduce us talking live about an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. And yes, in this case, it was total recall. This was a Brooklyn show.

We did the Bell House. That's right. Yes. It was one of our anniversary shows, maybe 15 or something. Yes, I think it was the 15th anniversary. Yeah, it's very cool. So now I understand, Steve, you're going to have to mimic an alien maw to hit play, right? Yes, unfortunately, it's going to come out of my...

Quato is going to hit play. really quickly. Coming soon to theaters. Yeah, it's the VHS trailer game finale. We are starting the reactor, or ending the reactor, I assume. This is the sweet 16th season of the VHS trailer game.

It is a game that Bruce Dern once called. I'm sure it's a game that four simpletons can play at one time. That is right. We are those four simpletons. Thank you, Hollywood legend Bruce Dern. Hell yeah. This is a game. about America's favorite game about Absolute Materials.

We have been going hard all season, and here it is the finale. Andrew is in the lead with 76 points right now. Nice. But Chris has closed the gap, especially last month with the American Pie episode, 67 points for Chris Cabin. Okay. I didn't know it was that much. Respectable.

And then in striking distance, and of course, Eric Siska never out of here with 53 points. So we got about it all. Okay, so we're going to do a couple of regular rounds here. First, this is off the 1990 BHS of Total Recall. These movies all have release dates of about 1990 or 1991-ish. Okay. Okay, you guys ready? Any questions?

No, there you go. We'll see. Okay. Round one. Game Masters Clute. A comedy legend led this rom-com that's about a city as much as it is about its yuppie protagonists, fittingly centered on a traffic sign comedy legend

let a rom-com that's about the city just as much as it is about the yuffy protagonists and it's centered around a traffic sign or features prominently a traffic sign traffic sign traffic sign

comedy legend rom-com about a city yuppie protagonists traffic sign I like kind of think I have it but I'm like nervous it's wrong Eric Cisket L.A. Story

It is LA story. Five big points. I have to keep up with it. So that's Eric now as 58 points because I need to crowd a king at the end of this thing. LA story, by the way, a movie I've never seen. No. Good movie. I like that movie.

Yeah. Patrick Stork cameo. That's really good. Oh, really? I got to go back. I saw it as a kid and I don't, you know, not the right age for it. Ditto. Yeah.

I saw it as a little kid. I don't remember a thing about it. The legend is Steve Martin, right? He's the selling LA story guy. And basically it's a roadwork sign is like, you know, telling like kiss the girl, stupid. Like that's kind of like the gimmick there. I hope they got fired for that.

That was supposed to say air quality alert. Round two. Here we go. Game Masters Kalu. This was a true teaser trailer for a sequel well before any footage was available. It features something central to the plot and the title on an assembly line and has only one line of dialogue.

A catchphrase from the first film, which was also used in the second. True teaser trailer for True tree. What a, what a, what a, what a, what are we going to keep all this in? You wrote this, by the way. I did true teaser trailer for a sequel. Well before any footage was available.

It features something central to the plot. Sorry, Eric Siska. Is that Terminator 2, Judgment Day? It is exactly Terminator 2 Judgment Day. Eric Siska's coming up. By 63 points. Right? I could hear it right now, right?

Like the assembly line and all that, that seems very teetting. That's very Terminator Factory. It's Terminator Factory and then it's naked Arnold and his red eyes. And it just says, he doesn't even say anything. It's just, it cuts to black and goes, I'll be back. Oh, wow. I don't even know if you recorded it for it. I think it might just be.

Let's just take it. Okay, here we go. Last one. Round three. Game Master's Clue. A dark psychological thriller slash drama slash horror dealie about a VE Vietnam veterans seeing shit. Andrew Drupin.

Jacob's Ladder. It is Jacob's Ladder for five big points. The last part of that was just had a big 4K release last year. I was literally about to ask if it had been on 4K recently because I haven't rewatched it. I own that 4K. It's really nice. I want to go back to it. I watched it purchase not for a long time.

Same, Steve. I think it was long ago. Real mind bender. Uh-huh. Here we go. Now, uh-oh. It's bonus round time. Oh, boy.

And this is called Total Recall. Do you remember episodes of your own goddamn podcast? This is where we all are going to wipe out. Here we go. So you're going to understand the theme pretty quickly. Round one for five points. And this is the same, the questions

are functioning the same? No, it's different. You're going to buzz in as you will. Same. Okay. Yeah. Round one for five points. Ronnie Cox was in total recall this episode. And Robocop, a WLM. And three other We Hate Movies movies.

Now, this encompasses, all of these will encompass. Main episodes, live episodes, commentaries are here. Animation, damnation won't be part of it. But, you know, just keep it. Basically anything that's an episode, even live episodes, digital streaming episodes, that kind of thing.

Like real movie, movie guys. Okay. So Ronnie Cox was in total recall this episode in Robocop, a WLM, and three other movies. buzz in with the name of any of those movies for five points. Hatchie. Eric Siska.

Was he in Halloween three season of the witch? He is not in Halloween three season of the witch. Oh, Darren McGav or Darren, whatever the fuck that. Yes. Oh, Gavin O'Hurley. Sorry. Chris Gavin. Beverly Hills Cop?

He's, we never did Beverly Hills Cop. God, damn it. Andrew Juppet. Beverly Hills Cop 3? He's not in Beverly Hills Cop 3. No. God, who the fuck was that old son of a bitch? I just watch that.

Lucas. You know what? I'm going to do this just to make sure, you know, I have all these pages open. There's one I remember very clearly he doesn't say a word.

He's just, there's one shot of him in the movie and we make a big deal about it because he's there. We're like, why is it Ronnie Cox talking? Control effing. He's all,

yeah, he's a Beverly Hills cop one and two. I think he's not in the third one. He gets gunned down in the second one. It's very sad. Oh, yeah. I'm going to keep this open for another minute. Anybody got it?

Because the way I was going to do, this was basically you buzz in with one and then if somebody else could buzz in with any of the other two. So there's three other episodes that he appeared in not Robocop, not Total Recall. Can you name any of those episodes? No, I cannot, Senator. No, you cannot. Eric is just punting.

Chris Cabot is punting. Andrew Drupin, got a punt? Oh, yeah, I thought I was done because I was wrong. No, I'm being nice this week. Oh, all right. Yeah, no, I'm certainly punting. Yes. He was a deep blue sea as somebody's boss. Okay. That's what I think he doesn't say a word is.

Yes, he's in murder at 1600. Oh, I'd never remember that. I was not on that one. And I'm surprised you didn't get this one, Andrew, because we just saw it on the big screen. He was in Captain America as the president. Yes. That's right. Yeah, there's a reason I didn't remember that.

Well, yeah. That was an episode we did in like 2010 or 11. Yes, these are all. I forgot about that. He's the president in that movie. Andrew's right. We might all wipe out here. This is fucking bad.

It's fine. We're going down memories lane. this is the way to end sweet 16 okay I love it sure all right so round two for five points Michael Ironside was in total recall this episode and visiting hours and four other movies

buzz in with the name of one of those movies for five points and then I will let you buzz in as many as you can wait which one what which ones did you say already it is he's in total recall and visiting hours any other yeah I knew everyone's gonna say visiting hours yeah four other films he's appeared on. And we haven't done Starship

Troopers. We have not done Starship Troopers. I'm going to let you get away with that, Chris. I'm going to let you get away with that one. I felt a little bit there. But watch it. Jesus, fucking. Michael Ironside. Canadian hard apple. God, I feel like there was one

kind of recently maybe. Have we tangled with him this season? Not this season, but pretty recent-ish, maybe two seasons ago-ish. Trying to think to this, like, this spook. Toculars specifically. He's always, I'm going to give you guys some hints. He's always playing kind of a military guy.

Right. Yeah, that's true. Military. Military. Branches of military. I love this. This is going so poorly. It's fantastic.

I, yeah. All right. Chris Cabin. Is he an under siege? He is not in under siege. I'm going to double check that just because, again, you never know. that was the only one I could muster

I did Control S F if I'm wrong someone could yell at me but I think I'm right not in that okay are we punting punting yeah he is in Terminator Salvation

if you remember that what the fuck we did it a we love movies episode on Top Gun he's in Top Gun Michael Ironside he's Jester and I and that

Oh fuck that's right How could I forget Jester And of course, he's also the big batty in the next karate kid. Oh, right. Yes, with Walton Goggins as his underling. I think this next. You said the military thing and I'm like, we didn't secretly do major pain, did we? I was thinking like maybe it was in toy soldiers, but I didn't think so.

Or Independence Day resurgence or whatever. Not bad. All right, here we go. Last round here. Okay. And this is different because it's going to be spelling bee style. So basically, you know, everyone's going to go one after one another and you will be out if you do not get it correctly. Going to keep this bounce, this ball bouncing around.

Okay. We're not spelling things. No. So basically, yeah. So it's going to go Eric because he's in third place, then Chris, then Andrew. Boom, boom, boom. And then we'll go back to Eric and so on. You, because Arnold Schwarzenegger is in total recall, Conan the Barbarian coming up and 24 other movies.

that we've covered on this podcast. We have. Wow. Okay. Hell yeah. So do I name them all or one at a time? We're going to name them, we're going to name them one at a time. So basically you're just going to kind of bounce around until somebody goes out and then as. So we're basically naming Arnold movies one at a time that we've done. Yes.

Until we can't think of any more Arnold movies. For 10 big points. Okay. Raw deal. Raw deal is correct. Chris Cabin. Commando. Commando is correct.

That was a commentary. Oh, that's right. I will say jingle all the way. Jingle all the way is correct. Red heat. Red heat is correct. Sabotage. Sabotage.

Neck. Oh, yeah. That's sabotage. Hell yeah. Yeah. Got to be careful here because I feel like there's a few Arnold's here and there we haven't touched on. I don't want to say the wrong Arnold here. You never want to say the wrong arm.

No, no, no, no. Eraser. Eraser we have done, yes. KindergartenCop. Did he say that already? We have not said kindergarten cop. Oh, okay, good. Kindergarten cop.

There you go. Terminator, too? Terminator two, we have not said. Have we said Terminator? We have not said Terminator. There we go. Man, it comes back around quick, don't it? It sure do.

It always does. Oh, man. Yeah, okay, I should know this. You know this. You know what you're doing. You got this. You know what you. Yes, no, it's on the tip of my fucking brain.

It is. is that devil one. End of days. End of days, yes. Chris Cabin. Did we do the long goodbye? We did not do the long goodbye. Chris Cabin is out.

Junior. Junior is correct. Predator. Predator is correct. Twins. Twins is correct. All those live episodes, one after another. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So there's 50 more to. Yeah, Steve, how many are left? Oh, I'm not counting. Oh,

I said. Okay. What else did the big guy do? Shit. Actually, you know, I should start doing it. Oh.

You know someone's fucking driven their car into a world. Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. It sounds so, this is much different. Oh,

fuck, yeah. Yeah. might be, I might whiff on this. I'm sorry. Uh, okay, but Andrew now has to guess one. Are you totally whiffing? Yeah, yeah, I, yeah, I, I, I, brain fart. Brain, caller, brain caller. Okay, so just one more Arnold movie that we've done. Mm-hmm. Okay. There's a very obvious one for me and you.

And I should say, by the way, I am seated in my studio in a way where I'm not facing my DVD collection. I'm going to point that out there. I've been showing the studio in a lot of videos recently. I don't want anybody to think I'm cheating. I'm facing away. The one I remember

you would not own. You absolutely would not own it. Oh, God. Well, okay. All right. I just remembered like two. Oh, well, I almost said an Arnold movie, but then I knew we did not do it.

I'm going to not say that one. I'm also going to not say this other Arnold movie that I just fucking remembered. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, fuck. A duck. It was in Boston. It was a live show. It's him and Stallone.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yes. Come on. It was a great plan we had going up to Boston to do this thing. Oh, Jesus Christ. I know it's not prison break because that was that terrible fucking show.

Yep. All right, I'm going to have to call it it. Escape plan. Escape plan? He got it. Yes. Yes. Oh, fuck that terrible movie.

I'm calling assist from Eric on that well. Yeah, but that's okay. You know what? We've missed so many, though, like the sixth day. Six day was the one I was thinking of. Tournament three, we didn't say. Terminator three, Turbator Dark Fate. Expendables, one, two, three.

Oh, my God. I forgot. We did all of those. He's not the last one. Yeah. He's a Batman and Robin, we didn't say. Oh, fuck, of course. Jesus, yeah.

Yeah, the running man we didn't say. Oh, fuck. How did we miss that? I forgot we even did an episode of the. That's what's, you're doing this so long, folks. I mean, this was a great fucking round, Steve. Oh, my God. So much Arnold.

Almost a total whiff, by the way. We came this close to nothing. Andrew has, so this is it, the final. Andrew is the big winner with 91 points. Whoa, look at that. Finally. Chris has 67 points, and Eric has. 63. You know, I'm going to give Eric

65 because he's a... No, actually, you're looking at the computer. I'm not going to give you. 63 points. I was going to give you the assist. No, it doesn't matter. No, Andrew is up anyway. It doesn't matter. And it's good. I'm happy. Did he help? No, he said, well, he said, we had a great plan. I guess you didn't even notice that. He didn't notice it. When you were saying, oh, what the hell is that movie?

And I was like, you said we did it up in Boston. I said it was a great plan. We had to do it there. Oh, I did. Oh, I was too busy shitting my rompers. So there we go. So that is the VHS trailer game for season 16. Andrew Jupin is our winner. First time, Andrew is the winner. Finally, everybody's won.

It's great. So here it is. Andrew now we'll get to choose what our first episode coming back in September will be. It'll be a Redux episode of Andrew's choosing. Check the Big Daddy Dispatch for that information. And when we come back, Andrew will be playing his very own cameo from the We Hate Movie Slush Fund. That is always super fun to hear who they chose.

and what they said like Bruce Stern did. Just prepare yourself trying to write out what they have to say. They give you no words whatsoever. I'm sure. The limitations are fucking nuts. And I have to say a lot of the times

in previous years winners have been like oh I'm circling a couple of guys. I had no fucking confidence at all that I was going to win this. So I haven't looked at a single goddamn thing. There you go. I will get back to you in September both with, I will say maybe over the years I have considered some reduxes or movies that would make a good redux.

So a couple of those are circling the drain. But as far as cameo, I don't even think I've ever been on that website. So it's going to be a real trip. It'll be fun. And you never know who's on. So yeah, so Big Daddy Dispatch, check which our next, you know, big episode's going to be their big season premiere episode. But I should say the September Big Daddy Dispatch, by the way. September Big Daddy Dispatch, we will have that information.

But what you're going to show, what you're about to listen to is a great anniversary show. Yes. Total Recall at the Bell House with so much fucking fun with this one. Hey gang, today's episode on Total Recall is brought to you by Hymns. Now, losing weight is one thing, but looking and feeling your best

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Cold enough for you? Huh? Oh, what did you just say? Is it cold enough for you? pretty cold out there. We haven't been out here 10 seconds you're making dad jokes. Yes, let's do the time and temperature. It's 734. You want to lower the expectations

first and then... Yes, I mean, then blow them away. I was going to say, I was about to, I was worried this chair may not have been able enough to hold me for a moment there. Almost had a chair company situation, really. Oh, dude, you'd be getting to the bottom of that before we were off the stage. I can get to the bottom of that pretty

quick if that were to bring. There's no a wonderful woman behind me, is there? No. Okay, good. During sound check, I said, boys, don't bounce on them. You know, it's a good... Bounce on it. Don't bounce on it. Hey, you could. Don't bounce on it. Wait, you might want to, though. That's what my argument was.

You might want to bounce on it. So then you would. Got any more weather? Brooklyn, what is happening? Oh, ho, ho, boy. Oh, boy. Look at y'all. This is fantastic news. I'll start off with this, 15 years.

Yes. On the air. And our first show at the Bell House was nine years ago on a night just like tonight. Whoa, spooky scary. That's back when there were five of us. Yeah, before that recording studio fire. How many of y'all have been with us the whole ride?

Couple folks? Very nice. Very nice. So much. Either way, if this is your 40th show or your first, we thank you all so much for being out here tonight. And we thought, you know, we could have done a whole, like, special, really sort of like kissing our own ass 15 years.

And we're like, no, no, no, let's just do what we do. We're not doing that? No, we're talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger in Total Recall. Oh, 1990, directed by Paul Verhoeven. Did anyone accidentally watch the wrong movie? Oh, boy. Anybody was like, oh, but the Colin Fair? I can see.

They do bad movies. No, watch the bad one. Only the bad one. Brian Cranston's in it, right? Wait, what, the wrong Breaking Bad actor is in it? I will say, Dean Norris is lucky that he was in Breaking Bad because it's very likely that his IMDB photo might have been Tony from Total Recall. If not.

And that's what you don't want. You're like, let's flip through. see what Dean Norris has been up to you. And it's just the picture of him with like half the vagina face. Yes. Yeah. And you're like, that guy didn't really take off, did he? Because Benny the cab driver is him. It's got the arm and everything. And I'm like,

oh, come on, man. The arm? Yeah. Some people were on critically celebrated television shows after this, and some were not. For Benny. You know, I was watching this movie yesterday, and the thought I had, and we'll source it to you guys here on the stage, see if anyone has some

accurate numbers here. Is this the film in where Arnold's nuts are stamped on the most in his entire filmography? I counted no fewer than five times. This guy's nuts are getting knocked. I was confused in the fight with him and Sharon Stone. Yeah, it's great to work out and be in

really great shape. Does that make your nuts tougher? Because she's like, she's going to town on those things with elbows and he's like, that is slowing me down. Titanium nuts, dude. There's no other way it's happening. Yeah, no, they shrink. They shrink really drastically because of the chemicals, you see. But then they also toughen up.

It's tough to pick and beat them. It's sort of a muscle, right? Can you actually bench? Is there a way to make... Nut lunges? Can you, like, bend a weight with your testicle? Look, Eric, you are the fascinated mind here, man. You should go and you test your balls.

See if they can do a little crunch. Test your balls and see if they can crunch. My sack's not prepared for that. No. I, if you were a thing, it's an doctorate. Nut trauma is definitely a big one. If your thing is Arnold Schwarzenegger

noises, this is your favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, right? This is the one. Because it starts, even the dream, it's like, and it starts immediately. That's a good point, Stephen, because not only are you getting the actual

nut trauma sounds, when he is in other situations, you are getting, facsimiles of actual nut trauma sounds, such as when he is holding on and being blown out to think that, yeah, that is also a nut

trauma sound. I would wager it's due to the fact our boy doesn't have much range. No, well, hey. I mean, he fucking rocks, but come on. Yeah, I mean, exactly. Even in the moments of like, psychological distress, it's a dream, oh, da, ha!

Okay, Arnold give us getting kicked in the balls. Okay, great. Now give us your wife and daughter were murdered. Excellent. Give us you falling off a Martian hiking trail. But it's, you know, proper footwear, folks. Isn't that much to ask for?

Don't go hiking on Mars and sneakers. You know, with a lot of these I could just copy paste. I'm going to be honest with you, Arnold. But when you rewatching this movie, though, you realize this was the one that like whatever guy or a person created that first ever Arnold soundboard, it was, like, they had. Like they had this DVD and maybe one other movie at the time. That first draft of the soundboard was just this. It's that kindergarten cop mixed together. Yeah.

Because the same one had the, it's not a Tuma. Yes, exactly. But I think that was the only the only outsourced bit of audio there. They're the ones that where he's most human. They're the ones where he is supposed to be most human. Because you would think Terminator's giving you the most, but no, that's just the big lines. Yeah. In between the big lines, you're getting almost fucking nothing in those Terminator movies.

Oh, I thought you were trying to posit that Terminator are the movies where he's acting most human. And I was like, that's literally the opposite of those movies. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. He wakes up, he has this Martian dream where he's like, you know, on a Martian hiking trail. Yes. And then he falls, and it's great because you get the first of many, like, balloon head moments, which is super cool. Poppet Arnold heads abound in this movie. Where are they today?

What planet Hollywood are they sequestered at? I must see them. You must have those destroyed sly. They cannot go in the restaurant. All right. Okay. If they have to be there, it's in the Boise locations. If we have to do it, it's in the beginning, right in the front, the Boise Loans.

I know that they've been suffering. Give them one of the Arnold balloon heads. Okay. You can do one, most of them are on the outside, but one of them can be in the toilet. When they close the door and they look at you, the biggest toilet. To be fair, you do most balloon heading in the toilet, right? It makes sense. It really does. Thanks, Max. I'm running out of Rocky shorts.

I mean, I have gone to the prop department. That guy will not get back to me for the yellow ones. While you guys were having this merchandising meeting, the Boise, Idaho Planet Hollywood went out of business. Shit. Drop it like flies, man. Shit. If you have a dream in which you are courting a lady

and you wake up, don't tell your wife about that dream. Really? Because she's like, oh, is it the brunette again? Okay. Everybody's like, oh, dude, I had the most erotic dream that you weren't in. We were hiking

and we were doing a little bird watching and then I just had the incredible orgasm. But this was Sharon Stone waking up and it becomes sensual. They start kissing, very cute little moments. She starts sucking his nose for a second. Yeah. I was like, you know when the girl sucks, you've snapped it, but she's still sucking?

You look, don't kinksham, okay? A lot of no-suckers out there, and they like it a lot. Oh, a booging, a booging. Boogie? Oh, booging instead of boogie. Oh, I got it. I see. Now, I was saying no-suckers made up like 4% of this movie's opening week on box office.

And they were all thrilled at what they saw. I mean, you don't see it often. No. I was going to say this takes place in 2084. We might have one or two people in this audience that might survive that long. You might just see Total Recall. Let me look around. No.

They don't got it. Anyone who's drinking, take them away. They're not. No. Out of the contest. Kind of great when they're sort of getting down right here because no nudity from Sharon Stone but Arnold Butt. Yeah.

A little bit of, yeah, you can show my cheek a little bit. Okay, no schvance though I will not show svance Oh, oh Paul, you know I can't say no to you Oh, Paul Oh, okay, yeah, you can get some buns You can get the little buns They look good

They do look great It's fantastic shape This is a very Paul Verhoeven movie Because we sit down to breakfast And we've got like, again, a very accurate 24-hour news cycle kind of thing Expo dump, you know And he's like, let's do it

Let's move to Mars Oh, but Mars is dry and boring. They have so many jackhammering opportunities up at Mars. How can we say no? Honey, the Earth is running out the rocks for me to jackhammer. They've got fresh rocks on Mars. That's right. I'm sort of playing a vague construction worker in this movie.

I am Fred Flintstone and this is my wife, Bill Ma. You know, Lori, I always had that dream of opening my own jack hammering business. I could do it on Mars. Jack's jacking. Remember I had the idea? Jack's jacking. Even though your name is Doug. Listen, it's better for the t-shirt.

We have a discussion about this. It's not the right name. How about Dig-Dug? Dig-Dug. Oh, Dig-Dug would be good. There you go. But so, like, the thing is Sharon Stone is playing the long game because she either is or is not a secret spy,

depending on how you read this movie. But assuming that, you know, We're going to play the movie straight. Yeah. When he's like, let's go to Mars. And she's like, no, let's go to Saturday instead. The plan, like, what would, what would Kaua could do if this dude went on a fucking Saturn cruise?

You'd be like, I think you'd have to, see, this is this web of lies gets like tighter and tighter. Then it'd have to be something. You'd fake, like, the fucking boat broke down. Oh, no, we got to go. The cruise was canceled. You've got to make an emergency landing to Mars. Oh, yes. There you go.

Also, what is the Saturn cruise? Saturn's a fucking gaseous planet. You can't go stay there for a week. Well, that's why you're on the cruise. You stick around. You go around the gage. That sounds boring. You're on a cruise.

There's no fucking day excursion. Oh, no, but you can get drunk, which is the main thing you do on a cruise. Sure, yeah. Get drunk and gamble. There's definitely space gambling. You're in a bedroom of Sharon Stone. You'll figure it out.

But if you're in a bedroom with Sharon Stone, if that's good enough, you don't need to fucking move to Mars in the first place. It's a good point. You can stay in whatever city they live in. But think of the fresh rocks on Mars. There's just so many rocks just waiting to be smashed. I'll be honest, he seems only like mildly excited that he's married to Sharon Stone.

Yeah, not thrilled about it. I would be doing a little bit more dancing. We get some news stuff here out. Because she's like, see, this proves my point exactly, because the news is like, there was another terrorist attack on Mars today. Quato and the Freedom Brigade are taking credit for the bombing. And she's like, you want to. want to move to this. Look at this. It's like New York.

Yeah, like, is Earth doing good in this scenario? That's a great question. Yeah, I don't think so. I don't think so, right? I think it's like alien Earth. It's like, you know, three corporations on the entire world. Yeah, we're getting there. Avatar, I mean, all the major, all the major sci-fi franchise at this point is like, oh no, that's gone for. That's gone. No, no, no, no. There's no saving that. That's gone. No, no. The mutant word is a bit odd. I think for like...

Mutant, you're saying? Yeah, like self-identifying as a mutant, which people are doing later in this film. What do you want to call them? Freaks? No, I mean, like, you know, I'm a Martian native or something or, you know... Sure. But those are for the aliens that were there.

That's stolen valor. That's true. I mean, they're Martian compromised, possibly. Maybe. But then it sounds like it's a bad, thing. Yeah. I mean, it is. It is. Yeah, they're fucking freaks. It's bad. They're irradiated fucking

freaks. But they're really good at like tarot cards and shit. Yeah, they're also vaguely psychic or something. You could keep your vague psychic powers and I could not have... They proposed a sequel that would be Minority Report and Doug would be helping the precons, which are

mutants. How about that? Get in here, precon. Oh, wait. They were going to do a dick verse? Yes, a dickaverse. Dickverse. I would have liked that. This is based on a short story written by Philip K. Dick in case anyone to get the Dick verse.

Yes, there we go. Oh, I love all the greats. Philip K. Dick, Maya Angelou. Graham Green. Oh, I thought you were just doing all the great dicks. No. Philip K. Richard Nixon.

I've been trying to get Blood Meridian. made for years. I'm a big bookhead. I love books. I'm always reading. Reading in the gym. Reading reading in the morning. Of course. It's great. Reading's fantastic. It's a good thing to do.

How many books you think he's read? Oh, man. He's read some books. He's a few, I think. Bodybuilding books. Okay, well, okay, that's the, here's the question. Is it over or under 100? Under 100. Under 100. Because,

what? Like, you have a three? We got three. We got three. Three down here. That's rude. Arnold Schwarzeninger has read more than three books. We're not doing Price's Right Rules, okay? We're not going low and we're not calling out. He's a smart guy. I'm just playing with you, Arnold.

I'm sure he's listening. Oh, definitely, dude. He keeps up on all our activity. I love you. On the train, he gets the cool ad about recall. It's like, hey, is your wife not wanting to move to Mars? It's like, how did you know? Are you married to a gross Sharon Stone looking lady?

Well, we'll put you in a fake dream and you can pretend you're married to someone not as attractive, I guess. You wake up every morning, you look over to Sharon Stone and you try to keep the bile down. And you can't. You know, actually, I think this is,

it's at least some sort of like America has failed because they say stuff like the recall process or the procedure, it's like 500 credits, Like we're saying credits instead of dollars. That usually means some sort of shit went down. It's also Coaghan's job. I also love Roddy Cox, the great Roddy Cox. Hell yeah, dude.

Apparently also, like Michael Ironsides is number two. He's great in this movie. Also, what he called there? What's his face? Clarence Boddicker, the actor, Kurtwood Smith. Kurt was offered the Ironside role. He's like, oh, it's too similar to Robocop. I'm like, yeah, dude, no shit.

Yep. Hey man, you could be in two cool movies. How about that? Roddy Cox just kind of slicks his hair back. Like, Robocop, total recall. Can I tell you something awesome? I'm glad you brought up Clarence Boddicker. Uh-huh.

Because I was on the train coming down here today, and I look across the way, and I see a fella looks exactly like Kurt Woods. Wow. And I got like six stops left. And this guy and his wife aren't. getting up. So I'm just looking at this guy. You take your shot, dude? No, I was like,

I think it's Kurtwood Smith. Oh, it's that thing. I think it's Kurt Wood Smith. I'm like, fuck, I think that's Kurtwood Smith. Well, don't we get off at the same stop? Right? I'm like, here it comes. I'm going to get a fucking good look at this guy. And I'm going to be like,

Bitches leave. Say something really cool. Uh-huh, yeah. And I get like within this is my wife, sir. I get like fucking I don't know, like a foot away from this dude and I was like, I still can't tell him

it's fucking Kurtwin-Smith. But then what sealed the deal that it was indeed not Kurtwin-Smith was he was taking the fucking F-Train? It was that clue combined with the fact I heard him turn to his wife and just start squawking in Russian. Oh.

And I was like, that's not Kurtwin-Smith. It would have been better if he's just like, I get it all the time, no, I'm not. Just call me a dumb ass. though, please. I need you to call me a dumb ass. I really, I got a dinner reservation. I gotta get to. I'm sorry. So yeah, the one scene we see of Arnold working,

he is jack hammering next to Robert Costanzo, the great Robert Cassanza. Ah, God, you know what, we ran the numbers, you know, we were looking over it all. We can't afford Joe Polito. I know, it's gonna break your heart, but we have to go with Costanzo. It was one or the other, was Polito or Costanzo.

What do you want from here? Polito and Costanzo and the... Dude, yeah. How did they never play, like, detectives? Yes. Fat cops. Please. Or something, a better title than fat cops.

Or keep fat cops. That's pretty good. I'd watch it. Whenever a crime happens in a McDonald's, they call me experts. They're loose fries on the floor, boys. Go at it. There's a phone in a pizzeria that they pick up, like, yes. Put down the dough, we got a case.

That's it. That's that cold open. Hell yeah, dude. These French fries are still warm. They couldn't have gotten far. Now, put up your pants. You've got to chase someone. He's like, Jack Khyber's like,

hey, did you ever hear this recall stuff? And then, like, Robert Costanzer, who's also in on, is like, yeah, they lobotomized my best friend. Well, then, I've heard from the audience here. I'm good. Well, that's in then, I guess. Thank you, Robert Costanzo. I guess I was.

He's still curious, though, because he has to live. with Sharon Stowe. Enough's enough. Yeah, it's true. Because he goes, and it's kind of great because you would think, like, oh, that's like a trick that Costanza was playing on him, and he's like, what about the whole Lombatby thing? And the salesman's like, that's the old stuff.

We food past. You're living in the past. Omelets and eggs, my friend, yes. It was regrettable that all of those people got lobotomized by pretending to remember a vacation. And now their brains look like omelets. Oh, there you go.

Yes. I mean, I'm just so sad that we went with recall when Harkinback was right there. Oh, I like Harkinback. And that was, you know, and now they're out of business. It's like the HD DVD. They just didn't make it. Yeah, it was a Harkinback toss up with that or Total Recall. And the pornography industry went with Total Recall, which is exactly what happened when it was HD DVD and Blu-ray.

the industry went, what is pornography doing? And despite the fact I'm telling you this in a silly accent, it's actually true. They wait to do C, and as soon as pornography weighed in, HD DVD was canceled. And that is why you do not have those red cases anymore is because of pornography. Harkin back sounds like that's where you go

to have a fantasy about being a farmer or something. Right, yeah. And for like 50 over kind of. Oh, shit, then you're calling it like the good old day. That's getting tricked. It's like the dating sites where it's older guys like golden time. Oh, you know, ever since rocking chairs were outlawed, people go to harken back and have memories of rocking chairs put in their brain. It's a legal loophole.

That's amazing. Because you can't actually use a rocking chair. No, not the future, no. But you know that there would be nefarious versions of this business model, right? Because Arnold goes into this thing and it's like you could be it's like straight up vacation or you could be like a secret age or whatever those options

are. You know that it would be like some fucking nasty scumbag version of it where it's like yeah I want to go on a vacation where I'm back at segregated schools and like some fucking piece of shit that would be like yeah we can offer you that's the fucking magna version. I thought you were going more leisure suit Larry with that. No no no no because the good old days you know that fucking hate mongers would want to go back.

Yeah. I would be into that. Like the weird clan guy shows up. Yeah, exactly. It's like, sir, you didn't need to come in costume. We're going to implant all that for you. I'm sorry, sir, we are booked solid for six years because just, I'm not telling you, a torrent of men.

Jenna Jameson Beach Vacation, two weeks. I don't got no business until 2097. It is kind of surprising that there's one chair in the entire office for the most. Like they're taking customers one at a time? No, you need a bunch of rooms for this shit It looks solid It looks comfortable, I will say

That's a nice chair It's a big old nice chair You could fall asleep Watching a football game in this chair It'd be great I mean like because it's weird It's a cool idea It's a very Philip K. Dick idea

Of like oh It's not like you're going into a VR simulator And going through it You just remember it Which is like cool But then you think about it Like I wouldn't pay for that No

No way I totally wouldn't I'm not wasting 800 credits on this shit Well, I mean, they did. They thought this through a little bit because they're like, what are they going to all lose immediately? Imagination. Yeah, that's true.

So, like, the few people who are able to still imagine things, people who aren't on the internet 24-7 saying, why doesn't it work this way in the science fiction movie? I like so much. Why is minority report makes sense? Yeah. Then, you know, they take this. Well, I guess...

I guess implanting a memory is better than what we're using the technology for, which is like, oh, what about if there was a little video of Pikachu in the cast of friends? How about that? What if Pikachu was in World War II? Whoa. Oh, here me, mash both of them.

I want Pikachu storming the beaches at Normandy with a big latte in his hand. Hold on a second. That guy fought for Japan. We would be finished. When you're right, you're right, dude. That guy was part of the Axis of Evil. Fucking Pikachu Charmander, they were all in a

on it, dude. Think about that. We would be so defeat. That's the only thing that could stop an atomic bomb. You throw a bunch of picatrues at us? Dude, Charmander fucking engineered Pearl Harbor. Until someone gets a bigger poker bowl. There were

some charred members at Pearl Harbor. Oh, I said Charmander, you see. Oh, wow. I hope no one's served in WW2 here. Thank you for your service. Yeah, you're right. Let's get the You're welcome, and then he dies immediately.

It's New York. We can razz the troops a little bit. Let's get the booze in early, and then we'll win him back. That's a good idea. Great sound bite thing here is where the guy goes as real as any memory in your head to which Arnold, classic response, Don't bullshit me. I was just living through that fucking 1999 soundboard.

Oh, man, awesome times. Oh, boy. Beautiful times. Well, the idea, like, again, a memory, it's like, oh, yeah, it's as real as any memory of your head. Like, I don't know. Oh, so, like, that guy in high school I totally fucking forgot. Like, I don't know.

Like, it's just, it's just not that exciting to me. And, like, what kind of a memory talking about? Because I can, like, kind of remember things. Yeah. But it's, like, fuzzy or, like, out of focus maybe. No. Is that, like, a defective total recall experience? Like, you get a refund for that?

Or is there a cheap package where it's, like, you blackout? And someone's like, yo, you went to Mars, man. I don't remember. No, but you totally did. It was awesome. That's why you got to read the reviews to make sure it's a legit fucking place. It's like dispensaries.

By the drunk vagrant telling me the experience package. At 60 credits, there's a guy who will tell you you did something. Yeah. I'm going to say, like they have to have another entire other business

that's just about wiping memories. Yeah, oh absolutely. Neglect with a K instead. We go that way. And I, yeah, and you just, That has to be like a real easy job. Just like, oh, this is the job that two bottles of Jack Daniels will do for you.

We will do for a simple $200. So he's basically goes to get the experience here. And this is this dude Ernie, this technician. If I'm going to have this thing where you're like scrambling my brain and whatnot, I don't want like a guy who's coming with the quips and the sarcastic cut. How about some fucking professionalism at Total Recall? I also want to be wearing like a hospital gown. He's wearing jeans to get his brain scramble.

Yeah, totally. Can I take off my corduroy jacket? This L.L. Bean jacket he's wearing through a lot of this. You don't know what they're going to do to you when you're under? I want to be kind of secure. I don't want like, what do they call those things? Like gown? Yeah, the hospital guy.

It's too easy to access. You're wearing a tuxedo to this fucking thing? What are you doing? Well, yeah. Oh, Jesus, Eric. It's after six. No. You don't want to be wearing something.

What am I? though. You don't want to be wearing something nice because you know, you come in there tuxedo or just you know regular day day clothes. What if there's some sort of adverse reaction? You piss yourself in the chair. Now you got pissy pants to go home in. The robotaxies going to take you home and he's going to be like,

oh, what smells like? You're in. It's going to be embarrassing. You would have a great memory, though, of something that didn't happen. Pissing yourself? Well, you'd make a new one of that. Okay. Yeah. There's so much dangerous shit with this, though, because also like if you go into one that's run by like a Tim Watley

kind of guy, you wake up, your fucking pants are undone, you don't know what the hell happened, you're groggy, that's what I was worried about. With the gown, yeah, the easy access, I get you. Yeah. Uh-huh. No, I mean, this is all, you are walking into lawsuit city. You start one of these businesses, it's over, you're

just getting sued all the time. And you were talking, I mean, imagine all the fucking, the complaints they get, the Yelp reviews on, like, you know, I was remembering this time I went Honolulu and I'm telling you I don't remember the color of the drink I was drinking.

They fucked up. I want my money back. $600 and I can remember if it was red or not. I do love, I mean like it's very cool when they're putting them under about to put them under. They explain the movie to you in a very cool way. There's like all these little hints of you know if you read this movie like did any of this happen because they're like oh you know like at the end you'll kill the bad guy save the universe and dot-da-da-da. They just go to...

Tell you the entire movie. It's really cool. Even one of the technicians, like, huh, blue sky on Mars, that's a new one. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. And when they're... The terrifying thing is when they're like, all right, so you're going to be the spy. Cool.

Every spy program has a sexy lady. Oh, shit. Describe your sexy lady. The lady first goes up to him, and she's like, all right, just be honest with me, and, you know, this is going to be a lot better for you, sexual orientation. He's like, well, hetero... I mean, most... It's a spectrum, of course.

I mean, but I don't trust the machine. Just put down hetero, okay? That one time didn't count. We were drunk. Just hetero, hetero. That summer with Dylan doesn't count, I think. I think we slot me in hetero. How about we slot me right there?

And you know, who knows? I wouldn't complain if a handsome bellhop flirted with me. I mean, you don't go to the Mars Hilton every day. Let's just say for the purposes of maybe working. reading this at some point, hetero. Yes. I don't want

Cohegan finding out that you of my secrets. I don't think he would like Curious of Buy Curious. But they're asking him, you know, all these, so what kind of lady do you want, you know, brown hair, this and the other thing. They can't, like, this computer program,

which you got to love this shit, it's just a television with this graphic somebody made. I love it how it grows, right? But it is this terrifying, like, it's a fucking mannequin head that you would find behind a dumpster somewhere. It is just disgusting, ragged fucking thing,

and it's like brown hair. Yep. Yep. Yep. You want to fuck this thing yet? What's how sexy this doll's head is? A terrible looking sex doll. So it's like maybe your memory

is just like you're fucking this nasty thing. This, this... All I remembered was the mannequin head. Yeah, like you're fucking a mannequin in your memory. That's not, good? Demure. Does that mean she looks like Demi Moore? DeMure. DeMure. Demure, but sleazy a little bit.

You'll have to forgive me. As long as she doesn't look like that disgusting wife of mine, Sharon Stone. What do these words mean? I've only read three books. But I love this menu, the lady menu, and the slim, athletic, volumptuous. Yeah. Yeah. I better choose athletic because we were doing all sorts of fun hikes on Maas. So, like, we don't see what happens here. The doctor goes out, and he's like, you know, getting some sexy lady

ready for her trip. And then like, this fucking doctor runs out, like, the whole thing's got to get that. And this guy, cool as a cucumber, is just like, I'm with a guest right now. Yeah, exactly. There's fucking smoke coming out of the door. Because that's the thing. This lady is like, I don't know

if I want to do this. Holy fuck, it's so bad in here. We lobotomized another one by accident. You know, I think I'm just going to think about it. But I'll definitely come back and tell you which way I decided. Sam is dead. Sam is definitely dead. I don't know any other word you would call that.

We have another cranial embolism. And this is Arnold just screaming, you blew my cover. Da! Repeatedly. My name is not quaid. Yes. He's just acting out the thing, you know. It's like, we have an implant.

We haven't started the implant yet. This fucking lady comes up to him. Do you see this? She juices Arnold with like 12 tranks in a row. She's not even waiting to see if the first one takes. Well, the guy's, he's a horse, basically. A horse walked in. Well, it'd be great if he just like fucking sleeps for the rest of the...

Yeah, he's still out. Ooh, hey, there's an idea. He just keeps on knocking out. Could they Could they give you the memories of a horse? Oh, yeah. So you just have this memory of galloping through a cool meadow.

Chris, what do you think of that, Chris? I would like that. Like, is that more or less expensive? What? Is that more or less expensive than the, you know, the Mars memory thing? Oh, less. I'd say it's less expensive.

And then your horse, and you've got to pick your what you want to sleep with, and it's like, man. Oh, the Mr. Hans variety? Obviously, obviously white. And to really get me going, he needs to be running from federal agents carrying a bucket of pornography along with him. The details are so important here. I can't tell you how important is to get the details right. Chris, would you do that? Would you get the horse memories?

I wouldn't. Or would you get the guy memory? No. Well, see, that's the weirdest part. I mean, there's no way to win this scenario because if you choose other horse, which would be the right answer. It's like, you want to fuck a horse?

Well, no, I want to be a fucking horse. No, I'm in jail now. I get, I see. Yeah, okay. That's what it is. The animal recall, that's just a cover for cops. It's a scary. That guy came in, he admitted he wants to fuck a dog.

Let's take him downtown. Let's go. Let's go. You can't go into the offices of Giddy Up. It's a trap. Giddy Up was closed in a month. or saddles we could call it maybe the saddle

oh yeah dude and then if you like had to re-up your subscription they email you and they're like do you want to get back in the saddle and you're like I fucking did unsubscribe six times you should understand this hey horse fucker you want to get back in the saddle and they spell hey like

hey like the oh yeah I've loved that we're spending so much time on this yes dude I really do if you're going to try to delete your account it just goes Hey, you left a horse fucking memory in your shopping cart.

Are you sure you don't want to come back? Did you forget something? Dude, we got dolphins now. Come back, all right? But so they put him down and they realize like, oh, someone must have messed with his memory already. So we'll refund his money. We'll delete his account.

We'll make sure that he was never here. And like him being in the back, and we'll just put him in the back of Johnny Cab. And him waking up is like, I don't know, it's the same fucking thing. Now you either have the memory or you don't. Great fucking project. Like, does it take over your whole, like, animus?

Like, you're just remembering something? All right. Yeah, okay. Okay. $500? $500, $500 you're saying. Credit's dude, fucking flushing those credits down the toilet. Nothing.

But he wakes up in the Johnny Cab, right? I love this Johnny Cab, man. Because you could, like, probably tell it to shut up and he would listen. Some of these fucking Uber drivers, man, you select quiet and they do not give a shit. I mean, it is prescient because you have the Waymo's out in West.

Which, fuck that. I need a guy's face to yell at. Yeah, exactly. So, wait, when we were in that Waymo at Southby, would you have been more comfortable if there was a fucking puppet talking to us the whole time? Depends on the puppet. It might be nice. Yeah. It might have been.

Look out. We might be hitting traffic. Oh, dude. Waymo and you just stick a fucking Muppet in that such? Yeah, now we're talking. Dude, you just, this is going to happen. You talk that into existence. I'm gutting the workforce, but I'm cute. It's like Garmin.

The voices. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That'll destroy a good job, Market. That's good. This thing, it's supposed to be modeled after the voice actor, which was Robert Picardo from the Star Trek universe.

Yeah, he's great, right? Doctor on Voyager and so on. Gremlins, too, yeah. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah, he's a scientist and gremlins too. But they say that the... What's that?

That's a memory he had. He went to recall and said, fuck a gremlin. Oh, yeah, he's the one that gets with the lady gremlin. Yes, exactly. But she was gentle, though. I would take that over horse. I would.

Yeah, I'm with you on that. It's more manageable. Absolutely. Or of a handheld situation. 100%. I declined to comment. That means gremlin. He's the one that brought it up.

That's true. He loves those gremlin's. But according to the IMDPT trivia is to be believed, the puppets, like, look was also modeled after him, and I don't believe that to be true. You don't even see if he's bald. Exactly. You can't tell me that if that puppet took its head off

and it's like a fucking, you know, horseshoe bald, fine. But it's got a hat. I don't believe it for a person. It looks more like Art Carney to be bald. Yeah, that's a little bit. That's true. Honestly, if it typed in 976 evil, then maybe some effort being put in here.

No. So Arnold gets dropped back off at the short woo. Whatever's going on over there. I hope the drugs are strong. Arnold gets dropped off at the apartment. And he runs into Costanzo. And this is the moment where, because I don't know, I kind of just turn stuff on sometimes.

Yeah, sure. Maybe not pay attention to the opening credits as much. So this happens. He gets in this thing with Costanzo, and you see this fat bastard's chest explode out of his body. Yeah. Right? And I was like, oh, it's a Paul Verhoeven movie.

Yeah. There you go. And then you, like, these dudes get decimated in this stairwell. Arnold kills all of these guys. And you're like, oh, it's this kind of a movie. He karate chaps a guy in the face and his face explodes. Yes. The blood.

It's awesome. I love it. It's like his nose is a water balloon. The hyperviolence is so much fun. It's him and an army of stuntman, Robert Costanzo, and he rips them apart. It's really fun. It's one of the few times in this movie,

he's going up against Costanzo, and Costanzo puts up more a fight than he ever would actually be able to do it against Arnold. Come on. The other guys are like big, you know, pipe-it and motherfucking, that's fine. But Robert Costanzo. At least one stuntman that looked like Robert Costanzo,

and I feel for that casting person. I have to find that one, a little tiny Costanzo stuntman. He goes up to Sheraton's Stone, he's like, oh my God, I think I might be a secret. agent there was all these guys and Harry from work was

the boss. I love the and Harry from work was there. Oh by the way on the way home I murdered Harry from work how was your day? We have to get going. We have to get the plane now. He tells her everything and then she's like oh those

assholes at recall fucked up your brain or whatever and then she says her like you're delusional he goes is this a delusion and he holds up his bloody hands it's awesome. And then she's like, oh, just go in the next room and clean up or whatever, and then she has a vid chat with Michael Ironside.

Hell yeah. Welcome to... Canada's own. Welcome to Ironside chat. $199 a minute with Michael Ironside. And the policy is you do all the talking.

I just look at you, glumly. And if you don't have a video phone, I'll give you some heavy breathing. That's called... That's called the Krona. Berk special. Get a nice little breath in there.

Yeah, you can talk about scanners all you fucking want. I'll just sit here and breathe. You want to talk about Starship Troopers? You just go right ahead, honey. You got a call during visiting hours, though. Oh, yeah, exactly. Oh, nice. Deep cut.

So he, basically immediately, they run, like all the Iron Side troops come in to kill him. Right, and that's what is awesome. One of the things I love about this movie, it is just a nonstop chase from here on now. Very little downtime in a movie like this, which is what you want, because if you start thinking about it too much,

your head starts doing. And it's, I mean, Sharon Stone's amazing in this movie. She turns on a dime and, like, is like this fun, supportive wife. Immediately she's this badass super assassin, who's again fucking pounded this dude's nuts like nobody's business. It's so awesome.

It honestly makes you believe that she could kick the shit out of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Which in any other day, I'm just not believing. You just put those together like, no, no way. The key is the nuts. Yes. She's like cutting his chest open though at one point Like that's pretty cool

He throws a lamp at her Like it's a real deal fight And he knocks her out And then like you notice when he runs down the stairs Ironside is actually married to Sharon Stone Because I think his number two guy that's due to the glasses This white white hair dude who's awesome champion Yeah Michael champion

And he's like don't touch her And then like it's like oh they care about each other And then he goes I wouldn't want my wife having to stoop quay and I'm like, me neither. He uses the word porking. Yes. Which is a animalistic way to say.

It is true. I feel like in 2084, porking has fallen out of favor. Probably. You never know. Well, these things are all cyclical. You know, it comes back. That's true. It might just come back into style.

It would be great if Richter's wearing, like, what was that T-shirt from Karate Kid, the two pigs fucking and just making bacon? Oh, there you go. Bacon, yes. Because then I'd be like, well, porking is realistically back. That is a great animal sex shirt. I feel like if this movie goes a different way

and Richter and his beautiful wife aren't murdered by Arnold Schwarzenegger on two separate occasions, and they just have to go back, it's a lot of counseling, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. So did you enjoy it having sex with that eight-foot Austrian god or what? I told you before. How would I not?

and also it's the job. I honestly don't know why I even keep coming to these sessions. I don't know what we're, either of us are getting out of this at this point, Lorrie. Richter, please put the picture of Quaid away. We know what he looked like. We need to move on. You have enough hair on your head.

It's not a lot, but it's enough. Here, Doc, here's a body shot. Here's a body shot. You see the whole thing here. It's a Paxend to Byes. Yeah, you say that you're a hologo. demographic tennis instructors, another sexy lady, but I know that it's been quayed the whole time. Yeah, your underhand is going great.

Keep pumping away. Keep pumping away. You're doing great. I would love that in the morning, right? Oh, man. Just hearing that. Yeah, take that in the shower with you, Eric. Keep pumping away.

You are doing fantastic. I have different versions of it. Keep rushing away. Keep combing away. Each one of these is $200. Yeah, but pumping in the shower is more fun than brushing your teeth. It's true. You know what I'm alluding to, anyway.

This is the, like, escalator chase, right? Oh, yes, it sure is. Because they, like, it's, you know, it's the future, so we're all living in, like, a shopping mall kind of situation here. Like, every time he leaves his house, he has to use an escalator. That's weird. In the future, it's escalators everywhere. Nothing but.

Actually, that's not true because one of the things I notice is when they're giving chase, part of this is a super wide staircase. I think they shot this in Mexico, so I don't know if this was a set part or an interior building. Two-Lanner.

Mexican Military Academy. So, like, this wide staircase where there's no railing in the middle, and when you're watching, like, Michael Ironside, all these dudes running down these stairs after Arnold, it's like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, don't let me,

don't let me, don't let me, let me, let me, you can see, like, the fear in the actor's eyes because they also know it's a Paul Verhoven production, so, like, safety. I mean it's a it's a graveyard for ankles they're all going away it's also a graveyard for this one commuter who's on the escalator

you know this guy woke up this morning it was his birthday he was pumping away he was doing great then he went to work pumping in the shower was great turns on his tape keep brushing that's right keep brushing he's like you know I'm going to go to work and I'm going to tell Carol

that I really like her I'm going to make Like, today's the day I'm gonna make the move. And you know what? When I'm done with Carol, I'm gonna march into the boss's office and demand more vacation days. And then after that, this dude is Swiss cheese.

Facilitated by Arnold, who is using this guy as an all angles body shield. It's really the turning around that's a bit audacious. The first time you're like, got him and then you're just going to take him this way too. Who's got, who?

You've already done it. It's over. Of course you do that. Come on now. The toss of the lifeless corpse. So good. This is someone's son. Now, this is a memory I'd pay for.

Doing that to some guy. Oh, especially in the fucking subway or on an escalator for sure. You want more of the black market dealers. You want like Ray Fines and Strange Day. Yeah, that's it. He'll send you a lot of bullet discs. But this guy is so shot up. I can't imagine he's that useful

as far as protecting Arnold. Yeah, exactly. There's nothing left. You might as well be holding a skeleton up as a bulletproof shield. Speaking of skeletons, isn't that the next movement here where we go into the skeleton detector? Yes.

I love this little guy. You can't board the flight unless you have a skeleton. No more blob people getting on planes. Enough of that. Slimer, you're out. Sorry. All right, empty your pockets.

Put your skeleton in this tray. Because it is cool because it's like, you know, obviously it's like an x-ray machine. They could detect a gun. But you see the skeleton. It's cool CGI skeleton.

It's awesome. I'm wearing a t-shirt of it right now. Yeah, that's it. Oh, yeah. Good job, Stephen. Yeah, you clap for that Instagram purchase. God damn it. Don't help him.

Don't make it. He's spending too much. At this point, 20% of my check goes to Instagram t-shirts and it's bad. Stop. See, this is actually we're all here to talk to you. We're trying to be nice.

We're trying to be calm here, but really it's too much. We know that you like this whole show to be an intervention, by the way. Your loved ones are out there. You don't know. You can't see them. We're also here to tell you that inside of everyone there is a skeleton. Just waiting to get out.

When you really boil it down, someday you'll all be part of the Skeleton League. You have defeated me today, but ultimately I will be the victor. Someday we won't just be for being behind x-ray glasses. We will be out in the world, open and proud of our skeleton visage. Brother, don't fight me. We're all skeletons together. I do love, I want a little bit of skeleton fighting because they tease it and then Arnold breaks through the glass.

But imagine you broke some bones in there? Yeah. Or a skeleton. You know what I mean? Like, that's kind of cool. No, don't break the bones. We need those. I feel like that's something

you'd see in like a crank sequel or something. Yeah. Like Jason Statham's fighting some dude behind an x-ray thing and he's crack bones. Or would they do that, that stupid-ass Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movie? Wasn't that?

Him doing a lot of, like, mentally like, oh, break this bone. You sort of see it happen? The little bone in his foot actually hurts more than the actual arm. Just stomp on it, and that's it. That's all I got to do. Because that movie's frustrating.

He's such a genius, you understand. and he's good at fighting. As all smart people are. Classically, traditionally, they are. Stephen Hawking was taking people down. Initiating roundhouse kick. I sent you into a black hole. Oh, no, I'm on the flight logs.

Initiate total recall. Oh, was he? I think Chris Cabin told me that one time. Oh, yeah, there's pictures. Oh, they're beautiful. There's pictures. What was he on the beach? No, in a submarine.

Submarine? Oh, man. If shit was going down on that island, just imagine what was going on under the sea. It's one thing to get on your buddy's private plane. I think we've all learned a little something

about getting on your buddy's private submarine. Well, it just depends. Is that guy a total cheapskate? Or is he James Cameron? Yeah. Because if he's a total cheap skate, you'll squash like a soda can. I wonder.

I wonder. about Jeff. But everyone in the private plane I think is doing that stuff. Oh, for sure. You're there. Great bit of Foley work here. I just wanted to point out some of the awesome filmmaking. They're chasing Arnold right here.

Ironsides guys run over some of these X-ray dudes that have been dispatched with and they step on one guy and it's just a full-throated just like a wet sponge, a stepping on a wet sponge. But it's a Man.

It's awesome. You step on a bullet hole every once in a while, you know? Arnold gets away on a subway train here, which elicits a great Michael Ironside roar. He just roars like a fucking codiac bear or something. It's awesome. He's contractually obligated to do that, actually. And now all of his, he has to, every contract,

roar needed. That's why you hire him. He goes to a CD motel and then this other, ex-wrestler calls him or whatever. I don't know who this dude is. Hey man, I just got out of the ring. Yeah, it's like, I got a suitcase for you. And he's like, who are you?

And it's like, you told me if this ever happened or some shit to come to this phone booth and yada. And they're tracking him, so he has to put a wet towel on his head. But he has to go and get this suitcase that's left out. And this woman tries to take it. And she's got some really weird delivery. Subtitles say, it's fuck you asshole. she says to Arnold.

But it sounds like fuck USO. I thought she just hated the entertainment for the troops. That organization does great work. Fuck Bob Hope. That's what I say. Well, somebody's definitely said that. Oh, for sure.

I mean, the man lived to be 100. Somebody said it. That's going to be my total recall thing. Is you telling Bob Hope to go fuck himself? No, to fuck Bob Hope. Oh, do actually have sexism? As a command. I see.

I see. Got it. Got it. I do love Arnold wrapping this towel around himself because it looks like Arnold just got out of the shower. Yes. Yeah. Oh, man, imagine that. Can I get a memory of that put in? Yeah, we actually get a lot of those.

Quite a lot of them. The shower memories, of course. Celebrity dicks are actually half our business. I mean, that's the worst part of being John Malkovich. You've got to look down and like, I got John Malkovich's dick. All right. All right.

Or you're like, That's why you're so weird And nobody knows He gets to do a Johnny Cab This is a really awesome Arnold freak out right here Because he's running away from the dudes once again Because this wrestler on the phone is like They're going to be here in three minutes

You gotta go So back to this Johnny Cab we go and he's like Drive drive! And the guy's like well where you want to go stupid And he gets so mad that he just aggressively just brach, rips this thing out of its little steering column. And I feel like it's a missed opportunity for the Johnny Cab. Like Robert Picard, just film him screaming a little bit.

You know. It hurts. Why does it hurt so bad? Why was I programmed to feel pain? Exactly. I'm bleeding for some reason. That seems like a waste of money. And so, like, they, Arnold, like, drives it for a little bit and then gets,

out and the broken robot is like, that'll be 18 credits. And he's like, sue me. This is when the one-liners start coming. And thank God, because apparently there's like 14 million different drafts of the script. And Paul Verhoeven Smartly was like, we need to pump up the Arnold one-liners to make it an Arnold movie.

Because it's like hard sci-fi and an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. And somehow it works. And it doesn't make any sense, aside from Paul Verhoven, I guess. Well, I mean, that's, I think, also the trick Starship Troopers, it's the Verhoeven touch, baby. Yeah, yeah. He just knows how to do it. But sometimes when you're making an Arnold movie and sort of

outside the lane of Arnold, like, that's why in Jingle All the Way, they had to have that part where he just broke that dude over his knee. Yes. You remember that? He just paralyzed that guy. And it was like, the tub of mine is now mine, bitch. And this dude was just dead, and Sinbad was like, what did you do? It's just

Christmas shopping! I'm going to use this Christmas shopper as a human shield. Oh, yes. Hell yeah Happy holidays Better movie man Everybody forgets the shootout

in pumping iron But now we do get that video of Arnold Ashauser being like So you found yourself in a science fiction movie Here are the rules There are certain rules In a Paul Verhoeven movie That if you want to escape it

Now look you may be surprised to find out When you shoot someone in the chest With a small caliber gun his chest will still explode and that's okay because you're in the Paul Verhoeven movie. There's subversive

political text. Always watch the news it'll give you all the information you want. Now sometimes you might be like oh this guy's a real asshole but it's all satire you see. Never trust Ronnie Cox ever.

Do you know how this morning she was sucking your nose and you couldn't snot like usually do. That's because there's a big bug in your nose and you've got to take this little thing and shove it up there. I do love that Arnold is able to do a little multiplicity here. He's like, oh, I am now confident Donald talking to not so confident Donald.

Yeah, totally. Hey, Paul, look at this acting, eh? This is some pretty good acting. It's great, it's great. I love the shot of him as Hauser, like, smiling and nodding as the guy, as he's written. thing out of his nose. Like, first of all, you don't know what's happening. It's a video.

All right, at this point of the recording, pause the tape so you can pull the thing out of your nose. No, you know what? It's like, it's like what do? Karaoke and there's a long instrumental break. So it's just like, it's like... That's why he was nodding because the ball was bouncing. Yes, it's just like, music, 13 bars. Okay. Now I'm on stage and everyone is staring at me. I forgot about this wicked guitar solo. I can't. not believe I forgot how long the intro to I saw the sign I saw the sign

I saw the sign the baseline just keeps going for like two minutes and it opens up my eyes I saw the sign this is cool Arnold puppetry here ripping the thing out of his nose this I imagine the balls on Paul Verhove and to be like no yes we need a whole puppet

just for Big Booger Big Booger up his nose That's how he's trapped. It tracks him. Here's the thing, though, like the puppets rubber. We're not rubber. This would destroy this man's nostril. And he's just kind of like, boop.

And I feel like, like, you know, Steve, you've mentioned it, there are people that subscribe to the notion that from the point he sits in the chair, the rest of the movie is the thing. I don't. But if there's one thing that will convince me of that, it's the fact that he feels no pain whatsoever pulling. a golf ball out of his nostril. He should at the very least have a

Chinatown like little Band-Aid for the rest of it. Like one black eye the whole time. That would be fine. He doesn't even blink. No. Well maybe you know they got it up there. Maybe they went back and forth a bit got him used to it. Oh, I see. You know, you'd shove it in, shove it out.

This is just movie magic. This is beautiful. It's awesome. The fact that thing can come right out of that's amazing. Coahagan and his guy, or Richter and his guy show up and Arnold has given he a rat, it's a candy bar go run around with the tracking device. And I do think

he killed, Richter kills the well he also learns it as a hologram thing which is fun. Yes, the hologram tool very cool. But I think Richter kills the rat because it seemed too much. It's like at the end of the city goes, bha, and he kills it. Yeah. And you don't know why. Because if you get

that, if you get your hands on that rat and you get in a fucking recall chair, dude that rat saw everything. Yeah, that's true. You're screwed. Now get his little arm down. You ripped his arm off. Are you happy now? This is also really great example

of Paul Verahoven, the most excessive and best to ever do it. Richter shoots this tiny little rat, and they just cut to like a computer screen, and someone with like a bigger than you would have needed bucket of fake blood and chunks. It's just kind of like,

and you just see all this shit. And I was like, there was not that much in that little guy. Get your ass to Mars. Get your ass to Mars. Get your ass to Mars. Which is a great transition because they just don't show it. It's like it's kind of great. It's like, well, I said I was going to Mars and now I'm here. Wow.

We don't even do the Indiana Jones like, you know what I mean? Trace the thing. Yeah, up. Yeah, we didn't see him knock out that woman and take her coat or anything. Yeah. This disguise is incredible. well this head oh hell yeah this lady's the best this head is it oh yeah there she is so he programmed it to say two weeks and was it a thing where he didn't know it was gonna say more

or only read three books not including instruction manuals apparently yeah yeah he just got tired of typing I think the first question customs ask is how long you're gonna be staying on March two weeks did you bring any flora or fauna or whatever he I don't know what the fuck Daddard. Just say two weeks again. Yeah, just say two weeks. Work or vacation. What?

Work or vacation? What? I have a rock. She's great though, but again, like, because of the not seeing how he gets to Mars, you also don't see how he procures this android body to hide in? Yeah. You need at least that scene where he goes to some mystical shopper. Some dude, like in a dark alley and it's like, oh, I got what you need.

Come over here. The big opera singer lady. You'll fit in her. Get in there. Get the bigger one. Oh, yeah. Six foot two. Shoving him in there, like Luke into the taunton.

Yeah, dude, you could sleep right inside that lady. It'd be warm as hell. We thought it smelled bad on the outside. We're learning some stuff, and we're doing, like, cool, you know, corporate critiques of, like, you know, how it is on Mars. And, like, Coahagan has raised the price of air. And, like, et cetera. And, like, they keep saying, oh, he built these cheap domes that he keeps everybody in. I think these domes are too cheap to colonize Mars.

If a pinprick happens, you're getting sucked out into hell. I am not working there. If Dean Norris farts too hard, one of these things are breaking open. They also cite the domes as the reason why the mutants happened because the rays get into. Oh, yeah. The mutant rays, which is difficult. I feel like at the point where you're like, oh, no, these things are breeding freaks,

you'd probably call off the operation until you figured that shit out. Give it a couple of years. Let's get some better domes in here. Can we invent a window that doesn't mutate Dean Norris's face to look like half a vagina? Let's do it. I'm sorry, while we're doing this waiting, can we do this waiting within the fiscal year? Yeah, that's the problem. I don't think we're doing that.

We're doing two fiscal years, maybe even three. The lady explodes. Get ready for a surprise. Great moment. Get ready for a surprise. So wait a second. So we can only do two weeks, two weeks. But if the head comes off,

Get ready for a surprise. It has a quip. It can't answer a basic question about fucking Florida and pharma. He took too long doing the bomb quip. So do the rest. So as everyone or many people who listen to the show know, I was a huge coward as a kid. I didn't watch horror movies for a real long time. As a kid.

As a child. He was just a huge coward. As a kid. I'm a brave adventurer now. As that right. As long as you're not a Christmas adventurer, dude. That's a good point. I beg you.

But as a little kid, I saw, I mean, it was 1990, so like seven or eight. You saw the best and worst of your generation. No, what did you see? No, I saw the get ready for a surprise moment, and it scared the shit out of me. Of course it's true. And I thought this was in a splatter horror movie

for like 15 years. Did you watch the rest of the trailer? No, I saw it was that moment. I was like, there's heads, they explode. It looks like my aunt, but she's scared. You know, like that kind of a thing. We actually, we have other models.

They don't all explode like that. We have ones that do it with confetti. You know, they're fun. You know, some of them just talk. Oh, yeah, it's a gender reveal head. Get ready for a surprise. It's a girl. Those are also disasters.

Yeah, exactly. I've seen a great internet video or two of those things going horribly awry. Yeah, thanks. And only three on the body count for the latest one. So that's good, though. I've always kind of thought that this, a robo lady he has here looks like you guys remember in

teenage mutant ninja turtles when Crang hid inside that human body It's like that if you put a yellow jacket and a wig on it? Yeah sure Shredder I'm trying to get into Mars illegally Please come in He goes to the Mars Hilton

So Conrad Hilton Got his dream I want a Hilton on Mars, Don Anyone see season 4 of Mad Men recently? Because you'd be cackling right now if you did. You know, it's important to, not everything's for everybody.

I'm going to go individually one by one. That guy playing Conrad Hilton on that show is awesome because it just looks like you could take that guy exactly as is and put him in some like cowboy shit from the 1870s and it'd be fine. Like same fucking clothes. He's just cowboy-esque to a very extreme degree on that show.

One day my daughter will be Paris Hilton and she will live the simple life, Dawn. Out on a ranch. Paris on a ranch. It's a name of a movie, too. Yeah, and one night in her, right? That was the name of the sex tape. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. That is indeed. Which you can only find on Blu-ray and not HD DVDs. So, you know. They decided that. Arnold, I wanted to ask you guys, is Arnold making some conversation on the train with this fella here, and he's

like, oh, what's that over there? The guy's like, that there is the pyramid mountains. They found some alien shit in there. Whatever. Is that the guy from Suburban Commando that's like, it's the 90s? We're going to see you. It could be. He's definitely, he's one of those guys

that he's definitely been in tons of things. Yeah, I was thinking of his that dude, and then I just started thinking about Suburban Commando. RIP, that piece of shit. Yeah. Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. It feels good sometimes to remember that.

Not the guy who says it's the 90s. we're going to see you. That guy's also dead and I didn't want anyone getting confused. I hope that guy is definitely resting in peace and not piss. Yes. He goes,

I'm playing tennis with the devil, brother. You know, it's a great memory that we all have that he died, so that's... Yeah, yeah. Didn't even have to go to recall for that one. He didn't pay any credits for it. He goes to the Mars Hotel

and there is a safe deposit box that he has left himself. In there, there's a flyer that says go to the club. whatever. Last resort. Last resort. Ask for Molina. And then he takes, he's like,

can I borrow your maca? And then he writes Melina, he's like, wow, this is my handwriting. I gotta say that's a pretty smart, like did I leave myself a note? Yeah. But wouldn't you recognize your own handwriting? Not this guy. He doesn't know words in writing.

Well, how about that? That's my handwriting. Actually, wait a second. Why would Quaid's handwriting be the same as Houser? Oh, wow, good question. Yeah, it's down to the finest detail except for that. We don't do handwriting. Didn't think about it.

We actually just put it out to print. Who cares? But yeah, he wants to, this is like, he meets Betty the cab driver here who's going to take him to the last resort. Which is in Johnson Jr., who was in this and a few other things. And that's why his photograph is him with the mutant hand on IMDB. Well, apparently he was like, he read the script and he was like kind of bummed because he was like, oh, it's just another, like, jive kind of gone.

And he had just, I guess he said he did some black exploitation movie that he thought was terrible. And I was like, the dude from this movie's in a black exploitation movie, I gotta find that shit. I haven't looked it up yet, but I guess he wasn't too thrilled with it. If again, this is his IMDB picture. Yeah, I mean, he's got some, like, I like the turns of him being like a bad dude and having a secret.

That's what sold him on it. Yeah, yeah. Because he got to the end of the script and was like, oh, actually I'm got a cool role here. Never mind. Like, yeah, like, he's actually playing it up to, like, trick him into doing whatever. Yeah, exactly. I got five kids. We have your head exploding real good.

Don't worry about it. It goes right up, brother. Well, I just, what I want, I will do the movie. If Arnold could kill me mercilessly and have a fun quip. Oh, don't worry, Benny. We got you. Now, listen, I'm serious now. I want it to be the most gruesome murder

Arnold Schwarzenegger ever commits in a movie. Can you do that? Yeah, we got that. We got that. He goes to the last resort, which is... In Venus, which you know is a bad neighborhood because they have Jack in the Box

and Best Western. Why do they get all those fucking mutants? This is what they're eating. You look in the background, it's a rich cornucopia we got here. I mean, this place does have a pretty cool looking food court. You know, there's like freaks all over it and you know it's probably hot and it smells like shit.

I will say it's a pretty well-lit sex club for a mute sex. This is the brightest bordello ever filmed. Yeah, not a lot of shadows. Yeah, I want to see the three breasts. Yeah, that's true. How could you miss them?

Oh, I want to see them. I don't need them in hospital lighting though. You know, it's very sterile in this sex club. And she knows what she's got too, because it's a very easy access. She's like, you want to see him, don't you? Yeah. See anything you like. Yeah. Also, Pepsi has made it to Venusville.

Don't worry about it. They won the Soda Wars, apparently. So Malina, he asked for Malina and he's going up with her. This is where we meet Tony, Dean Norris has Tony, with the big gross face. Woo! And then he's like, you got a lot of guts showing your face around here

and he goes, look who's talking. Which is a great Arnold line, but in a club full of mutants, everyone's like, the fuck did he just say to Tony? Oh, excuse me? No, no, no, no, I meant there's a baby behind you who's speaking to me telepathically. That's what I was talking.

about. Dude, he just made for the fucking Tony. That's so ridiculous. Who's next? Thumbelina? You are one of the other beautiful people here. And wonderful, charismatic looking

people. Let's get out of here right now. They're turning on me. Coming. The mutants. It looks very uncomfortable. You know what I mean? They're in pain constantly. Yes. It's like wet and uncomfortable. That's being a human too. Yeah, that's a good point.

Just wet and uncomfortable. constantly. Hairy as well, yeah. It's terrible. Bad, it's bad. Walking around, big vagina on your face. The great Rachel Tocotin here is Malina. Melina.

Yes. And what did you know it? She's the girl from the dream. Oh. The brunette? Are you serious? Yeah, the athletic brunette from the dream. She goes, what does he, she says to him something like, oh, hello, Hauser, still bulging, I see.

Yes. And it's like, oh, I get it. Hauser. Oh yeah, that's me. How's it? Yes, I'm Hauser again. This time, really? Can I quade?

No, okay, Hauser, yes. Yes, we have sex. She touches his bulge, doesn't she? Yeah, she does. Yes. Just a little. What have you been feeding this thing? Yeah.

He, there's like a cool back and forth. She's mad at him. She goes, I thought Coaghan tortured you to death. Well, close. I got better. You at least say your mind is fine, you know. Yeah, like, tell her. He's just like, oh, come on, baby.

Who cares? He's all right. Who cares? Look, it's my handwriting on a piece of paper. That's why I'm here. It's me. See, baby, I wrote your name the same way twice. It's me, and I'm in Melina.

See, me, Melina. Great line. I didn't lose my mind. Cohegan stole it. Yeah. I just like it We do get a little bit of Ronnie Cox like really dressing down

Michael Ironside around here And I gotta tell you Ronnie Cox Like you're great and everything And you're Coahagan You're the leader of this whole thing I would be terrified To talk shit to this dude Right in front of him like this

Boston Michael Ionside around I don't know dude he's like a junkyard dog Michael Ionside with a fucking super gun That can fucking blow through your chest You know A Pulver Hovein gun Yeah they call those Bear Hineside Proven blasters.

I also love that his title is Mars administrator, which doesn't sound that impressive. Seems like you're doing paperwork all that. Exactly. Answering the fucking phone. Can I be Mars King? Is that okay? Can I be the king of Mars? That's what he's working towards. Yeah. That's the ultimate

goal is King of Mars. Well, what's stopping him? Well, I mean, he's still got to kill everyone. He literally sells air to people. What more do you need? Well, he has to own, I think he has to kill everyone first. I think that's the last thing he wants to do. Oh, okay. So they're the people that work in his compound or whatever the fuck he has.

He does eventually refuse to give those people air. He does. Air monthly, I think that's more or less than Disney Plus at this point. What do you think? It's bundled in. Yeah, oh, it's a phone. The Air Bundle. You get Air, Disney Plus, T-Mobile.

Get T-Mobile in there, too. You can call everybody. That's good. Oh, when you sign up for a new phone, you get more air. Oh, look at that. Oh, they bundled in all the videos of the horse fuckers, too. That's great. Watch all of those.

the same app. How much is this little fucking kid breathing every month that I've you know some dad is like, I can hear you up there breathing extra. Shit's not free, understand. I don't care how much you had to strain to get up the stairs grandma. Stop breathing so

heavy. Okay, okay, so after your father's outburst, we'll call it, we are starting an air budget here in the household. We're going to only spend $300 dollars on air. Oh, that'll be fine. The family plan, dude.

You got to get the air family plan. Definitely. We asked the T-Mobile. We got that out of there. So eventually we meet Dr. Edgmar, who we were seen in these like commercials that he's been seeing on the subway and whatnot. What's his name?

Edge Mare? Edge Mare, I thought it was a horse thing. I know. Edging a mare. Come on now, buttons. Not yet. Not yet, buttons. We've got to edge this mare.

Then you dial it. To be clear, I don't want to do this. I want to remember it. It's totally different. Totally different. But like if you remember doing it, isn't that the same thing as doing it? Or you want to remember watching someone else do it? You got to be very specific to these.

Now you're making it interesting. No, no, you're not making it interesting. Mix some people in with this. This is the most interesting scene in the movie, right? It's really cool. It's like, you know, this dude comes in and he's like, tell it. He's telling him like, you know, it's like, you might be in a sci-fi movie, actually, you know.

Now, you found yourself in another sci-fi thriller, you see. We're still in the office. We haven't even left the chair yet. I'm a figment of your imagination. Sometimes you're in a Christopher Nolan movie, and he had no idea. It was there. Spin that top. But then you look around and you go, wow, all these women are being treated terribly two-dimensionally. I must be in a Christopher Nolan movie.

That's your wife. You need to know more about her, right? A little bit more. Uh-oh, here comes Mary and Cote. She looks awful mad. Cool, it's a Christopher Nolan wife fantasy. She's going to kill herself at some point. And then I'll be in the clear. Either she's faking it or it's real.

Well, she is a brunette, so that sounds pretty cool. Can I get some of that, brother? But it's cool, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, basically, like, you know, what makes more sense? You're just a lowly construction worker or this super invincible secret agent that is rampaging through this adventure.

Yeah. And I love this character actor playing the doctor here, if anyone remembers, he has a one episode stint on a Seinfeld where he's like the landlord in a building that Kramer's mom's boyfriend. And like, Kramer goes to get the jacket and the guy's like,

oh yeah, Babs Kramer. Oh, drunk, horrible woman. Oh, what a big horse she was. And Kramer just gets all mad at him. It's amazing. It's great. This guy's an awesome actor. So he's going through the whole spiel and it's like, just take this red pill and then you can wake up and go home

to your gross wife, Sharon, Oh, that's why Sherrodstone also comes in. She's in there, yes. Doing the whole like, oh, they brought me in here too to your dream to help convince you to wake up or something. I'm just petting him. And this is the part where we would all be found out as well.

Arnold takes a look at this fella and just this beat of sweat. Wow, if this was the truth, why would he be so nervous? And when I tell you, Arnold gleefully shoots this dude square between the eyes. Oh, my God. And it's fucking hilarious. because the look on his face is,

I didn't think this was going to happen. That guy woke up in the morning. It was his birthday. He went to recall. I love the spitting on him with the pill, just spitting that pill on. Now, swallow it now. Swallow it down. Well, this guy's probably an actor

because he's in the recall commercials that he comes in doing this. Oh, shit. So I was like, oh, I just booked a great new job, baby. All I got to do is tell this big Hulk monster that he's living and lie. Oh, wait, I murdered. They had me making all the commercials for him, but now I'm getting

an on-site gig. It comes with life insurance, but they're going to get the paperwork to me on Tuesday. Well, now we can join the Skeleton League. He will be the leader of the Skeleton League at that point, I think. The spitting of the pill, you're right, Eric, is really fucking good. If you got to do this to someone, you know, don't do it at home, okay?

But just spitting on someone. after you kill them. Any type of desecration of bodies. Yeah. Yeah. We do have to find you a recall off of us. Yeah, we need to... Again. I just want to remember this stuff. Yeah. Sure. That's it. Yeah. That's... Yeah. There is a great moment

while this is happening. I think like right after he kills him, it's like, oh no, now you've done it. Now they're going to come... It's Michael Ironside and the other guy. They're at the Hilton Bar pounding pink milk. Did anyone else notice me? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is fantastic. Oh, cool, boss.

You're drinking my land. I'm drinking strawberry milk over here. We've got matching drinks. How about that? Why don't we go into a recollect office after this, a recollect office, and we get a little memory put in about me and you. Yeah. Hell yeah.

You're drunk. You're drunk. No, that's a stupid thing to do when drunk. Come on now. Let's just do it as a little thing. A little fun thing. Two boys. Well, yes.

Actually, if I go into the recall offices, they're like, what is your sexual orientation? Hetero, buy, pan, queer, gay, or ironside. And I always choose Ironside. You have selected Ironside.

I fuck everything in a Michael Ironside-esque way. Iron side. Iron side. I feel like I could see it. Yeah, totally, right? I can see. You didn't even need recall, dude. It's just us with our... flowery imagery to you?

That's true. That's all right. You're storytellers, you see. And this is a cool site, a fight because Rachel Tocotten kind of saves the day here with her gun and there's, it's a cool thing because it's not, I think Paul Verhoeven really specifically was like, I don't want this to be like a cat fight

like you would see in a traditional, they are fucking brawling, dude, and it rules. It is a slobber knocker. There's no other way to qualify. Sorry, it's a 100% slobber knocker. But Arnold gets the kill, which is a bit shaky here, you know? It's a great one-liner, of course.

Well, sure. That's what you're there for. Yeah. Consider that there's a divorce. It's great. No, I mean, actually, most people would call that murder still. It's technically a divorce. I don't know.

It's die force. I don't know what divorce means. I've read three books. You think Scott Peterson used that line, too? Yes. Yes, I do. This guy was... Just maybe.

I don't know much about that case. What happened? He was railroaded by the system? I don't believe that he was. I think that he murdered his wife. Are you sure? Yeah. Okay.

It wasn't like Richard Jules. Oh, yes. I confused these a lot. That guy got a run. He was a boat guy? Yeah, he was one of the boat guys. Yeah, it's like, oh, I was a cliff guy. Oh, he's a cliff guy.

Okay, he's the cliff or boat? Boat, yeah, he's a boat. Oh, yeah, he's a boat. For a second? Hold on. Both? They said both, right? Was it both?

No, it's boat, not both. Because I thought both. Wait a second. If it was both, that guy's the best murderer of all time. Because it means you threw a boat off a cliff to kill your wife. Fitzgeraldon. Got to get this huge boat over this mountain so I could kill my wife on it later. It was an accident.

I don't know why she took that boat up that cliff. I told her, honey, that doesn't look safe. Dude, dude, just help me. I'm telling you, this is airtight. Airtight. We just got to get the boat. on the cliff. So I don't know

we were talking about a simple cliff pusher. Yes, that's pathetic. No, no, it's a boat guy. You know, we go out of the boat and you know, whatever happens happens.

Right. Whatever happens. Exactly. I don't know the facts in front of me, understand. Well, that's okay. We're going to pivot to true crime.

That's it. That's what everybody wants. The facts in front of us. No, it's true. During the fight between Lori and Molina, like Arnold has been knocked out temporarily

and he wakes up and he's kind of groggy and he's, I imagined him being like, wow, my potentially fake wife and my maybe Dreamgirl fake girlfriend are fighting

one another. This is pretty cool. Good job, recall. He gets a popcorn out like Undercover Brother just watching it. Dude, wow, an undercover brother reference. Hell yeah, dude. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Can't believe you pulled that out

through the cobwebs. That's a movie I can't recall. Oh, nice. Dude, Chris and I saw that movie in theaters. on a sneak preview, and we got free posters. We did, indeed. Talk that up to shit I don't need to remember.

Here you go. So how many credits for recall to remember the movie Undercover Brother without having watched it? You can't afford it. Love to tell you. And so now we're rushing, we got machine guns and we're rushing back to Venusville to meet Cuaddo is the idea, right?

Yeah, there's like, coolly like, jumped down the scaffolding right here. is all nice. Ironside, like, you know, two steps behind them. He's about to shoot them, and then his number two is like, you can't do it, it'll suck us all out. You know, it's like... Michael Ironside's Richter does not understand

that he is on a planet that does not have an atmosphere that his body can breathe. No, not at all. He doesn't get it. And this other dude who looks like a 70-year-old Steve Zon has to keep being like, dude, dude, we're on fucking Mars. Can't break the windows, man.

The real shitty windows, too. No, Paul in that. the house, no gun play in the house, okay? Because if this shit opens, we're in huge trouble. Don't you lean on that window. Don't you lean on that window. Remember we got those guys. They said paper-thin glass. That's what they called themselves. They said that there was nothing there. It was just paper-thin. Okay, okay. Get the dogs away from the door. Get the dog. No, your aunt is coming in. Get the dogs away from the door right now. Get the...

That's how we had our bulging eye Christmas. Happens all the time. I guess if you... Animal recall... be cool because you could like send your cat in there and be like could you just what how much do have to pay it to be fucking afraid of the oven like how much like you know what I mean just to get away from the oven for good no yeah I mean I mean like what a hundred bucks you know what I mean like yeah I'm saying all the pet stuff is cheaper yeah exactly you know otherwise you're not you're not getting anything your business is dried up a memory of like the bathroom is none of your business

how about that so that's a great memory I think yeah it's a good one because I think if you're engineering like animal memories, you don't have to create like dialogue and whatnot. Yeah, that's true. So it's like, no characters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. So Tony is sort of helping them right here. We're going to blast through some stuff. Yeah.

He's running over dudes and you can see like he's kind of got a taste for the carnage and now. Yeah. I got five kids at home, but this is cool. And we get to Venusville with Iron Iron Side, right in the tail. It's this cool, like, you know, Prohibition gag where, like, we get into the club and then, like, people are sitting in front of the door. That's kind of fun.

Dude, a good, a little, like, secret door that they all go in, and then they put a table over it and, like, two people are on a date now in front of it. It's clever rebels, dude. Like Prohibition, you know, the cops and the prostitutes fight to the death. Yes, exactly. Happened all the time. And this is the great Marshall Bell as George slash Quato, I suppose. George slash Quato. But we can't forget, by the way, that in an attempt to distract Richter and his thugs here,

the three-breasted woman comes out and does her see anything you like gag, and Richter shoots her in the back. Yeah. So she's dead. Yes. That's, again, it's not hetero, it's not, it's iron side. That is the orientation. And it involves shooting women in the back.

Yeah. But that's when all hell breaks loose. Michael Champion, his number two, gets stabbed. Oh, do Thumbelina with the knife into this dude? His chest is really awesome. It's so good. It is so good, man. And, you know, he goes to meet.

It's like just him and Marshall Bell at a room. He's like, you're really quato, right? And he's like, no, it's so much weirder than that. You fucking wish. Now, Douglas Quaid here's already said that the, you know, the mutants are unsettling. I don't know how he's keeping down his lunch looking at this. Yeah, I don't know how I was, dude. This goopy baby.

It's just like dribbling and it kind of looks like the It's Alive monster. Oh, yeah. But it's just got Marshall Bell's voice on it. Hello. It's very wet, but also it's got hair in strange places. Yes. That is the key to this, is the wet hair is what makes it. You smell it. You can really smell it.

I know we got a lot of exposition to get through. You're going to have to give me a minute. Okay. I'm not trying to be rude or nothing, but wow. What if? Okay, but just what if? What if one of Aquato's policies was you only have caught with him if you have sunglasses on. Because then I, Arnold, can put the sunglasses on

and do the scene with my eyes closed so I don't throw up on your expensive, disgusting puppet. I'm just going to turn around. You tell me all you need to tell me, I'm going to turn around. You go, go ahead. Alien Martians. Oh, no. Okay. Oh, wait, you're telling me, do psychically link with

you, I have to hold your hands. Oh, dude, ew. No! No! Tell me the future. It's very difficult to do that whilst. Please stop vomiting. I'm trying to read your fortune. You've saved the universe. Do you think they have this? Is it, when we're eating, is it a situation where Marshall Bell's eating and Cuado's getting the nutrients or is it a little air? I think Quato, I think Quato dude, he's doing the gnaishing. Oh, wow.

And George. Yeah. He's just up there. Oh, so he's not eating at all. No, no, no, he doesn't have to because Quato's right there. But they share the same asshole. Yes. They would have to.

Well, unless there's like that guy from society behind there. What a pain in the blood. But Quato's ass could be shitting into his stomach. I don't know. No, I think it's a shared, it's a shared ass, dude. Yeah, single ass. Two men, one ass. I'm thinking, yeah.

That sounds more watchful. That sounds more watchful. That's actually the title of the failed sequel The Two Girls One One series. It's going to happen anyway. Yeah, and, but he tells him, you know, that basically that they found this spaceship and, like, all this cool stuff's going to happen.

And, like, yeah, like, when they touch hands, you sort of see this whole thing, this 500,000-year-old reactor that's down in Mars, and the core is made of. ice and the reactor is going to melt the ice and then that will bring atmosphere to Mars and it can be a nicely newly terraformed planet. I don't know if that's how ice works but sure

last I checked. Dude this is a movie where we got a quato running around. Yeah you're right you're right I'm not going to be a jerk you know we got like what 15 minutes a movie here we can't get too complicated it's very true so he gets the information but Ironside's go and it's like

let's all go and also I'm really fond of Benny for some He said, come along with us. He stops everything. Come on, Benny. Benny. Like a trio. I prefer a trio.

All right, Quato, Melina. Oh, Benny should come for sure. Yeah. Oh, Benny, be part of the movie. Come on. No, Benny, show them your arm. No, this is so cool. Benny, show them your arm.

Oh, yes. He's already revealed himself. He's like, oh, I am actually a mutant, so don't worry about it. This wild effect of this dude's arm where it looks like the legs the aliens have in that Charlie Sheen movie, the arrival.

Yes. Yes. Where the fucking knee spank the wrong way? Yeah. That's what this dude's arm looks like. It's pretty gross, man. Yeah. What am I looking at Cuado?

Big long fingers like ID4. Yes, yeah. No peace. It's kind of great because they're like, all right, Marshall Bell's like, all got all get in space suits. It's going to be this great chase. I can't wait to go on this adventure with all of you.

And he just shoots, Benny shoots him. But he specifically shoots Quato and not Marciold. and there is something as disgusting as it is and don't get me wrong it's gross there is something sad about seeing this little thing get shot right in the fucking yes it's the future he's got all the idea's revolution he woke up that morning and it was George's birthday it wasn't Cuotto's yeah it was George's birthday you see I'm gonna tell Carol that I like her come on George today's the day open up your jacket at lunch

so I can profess my love you know somebody likes you open up yours too oh and he's holding like a little flower oh no that's sad dude's got a little hat on oh I love it but it's just he's like start

the great start the reaction right yeah that's his dying words this little thing it also should be thank you Thank you for not throwing up when you saw me. Life has been hell. Up to this point, it's about time. Kill me.

Kill me. George doesn't listen to me. You will kill me. And he winds up going to, they take him to, you know, Co-Hagan's plant here. This is when we're going to twist our mustache and do the parlor scene.

You're a hero, my boy. Yes. You know, Ronnie Cox, like, gets into this whole thing. Yes. And we see, is this where we see the other tape from Alzer? Yes, with their buds? Just kidding, you stupid bastard. It's so fucking great because it's like, you, it's like Arnold.

It's framed like those hilarious, like, old dating videos. Yes. Yes. But then in this one, the camera pulls back, and the whole time he's at his arm around Coaghan. It's awesome. You never counted it on us to be best buds. Oh, me and Coahagan, we went to college together. We are old friends.

Fishing trips, the whole bang, man. And, you know, he explained, you know, basically, you know, the whole point was you were going to, we hit information, and we wanted you basically to kill Quato. That was the whole point. Yeah, we did this so he could infiltrate the rebels. And we're going to mind wipe you and make you back to be my best friend. And also, by the way, I'm having a party, and I'm going to leave, I'm so interested in this party. I'm not going to watch my friend get mind wiped and returned to me. Dude, he's got to make sure the fucking crudette is out.

I got the plastic cups ready. We're chilling the soda. I understand that. Still, I would have just hung out and seen what happened. Yeah, maybe, I think. Richter does punch him in the face. He's not going to remember anything, is he? And he punches him, which is pretty cool.

And then see you at the party. Yeah, he does the first, see you at the party. Oh. Iron side style. I started that. So they're going to erase Quaid and Molina right here. Wait, wait, what should I bring? What should I bring?

No! Do we have time to get a bottle of wine? Is it a wine kind of situation or to be a one? Ice. We need ice. He shows up later, empty-handed. I guess you were having your brain scrambled and didn't hear you. When I asked you to bring ice to my party.

Now look, no ice for the soda. Ashley, did you hear that? No ice. We're going to have to send Sam out. Sam, we need ice. I told you. You know what? Parties canceled.

Everybody got back Hauser who forgot the ice and ruined everything. Sam has to go down to the core of the planet and ship away at it. But not too much because you might make atmosphere by accident. Just go. Just a little bit, Sam. Just a little bit. But so, yeah, they're strapped in these chairs. They're both going to be a race here.

This is, yeah, the weird, like, and you're going to be his little wife slave. Yeah. And I'm like, where did that come from? You could do that, too? The reprogram was a bit odd, but yeah, sure. Well, yeah, I think it's just because you're putting in other memories. Oh, I see. You're just like sucking that all out.

You know what I mean? Sure. Yeah. No, it makes sense. If you're going to do it anyway, put some more books in there. I know Kung Fu. Wow, I read the Moby Dick. I even got through all those whale facts in the middle that kind of weigh it down.

I know a bunch about harpooning now. Honestly, what was he thinking? You have a cool story about hunting a whale, and you stop for a hundred and ten pages to talk about the business of whaling? That's boring to me, man. Whatever. But yeah, so he breaks out and Arnold Schwartz. Dude.

It's real Jason Voorheesie here. It certainly is, dude. Dude, he pulls the entire armrest, it's kind of like in Commando when he pulls that entire seat out of the car because he can't fit in it. He pulls this armrest off and like the pole for the armrest is still there

and he just jams it into that guy's face. I love it. It's awesome. He murders like 14 people. There's an axe involved at one point. Dude, Arnold, with this larger than average axe, by the way. Do you have an axe and then XX? I've never seen an axe this huge.

It's like Paul Bunyan's axe. If the guns are going to be that big, the knives and all the other stuff should be that big too. It's like the company that made the shine. It's the Scatman Cruthers Splitter axe. It's just like that's the axe you want. You too can murder a hotel's head chef with ease. You will cut right through his spinal column.

No questions asked. That'd be a great recall package. Oh, wow, yeah. Oh, can I do the shining? Well, just that part Just the axe? You just want the axe? I just want to axe an old man at the back. All right.

Or remember it, remember it. I'm telling you, you want the strange days. You don't want this. That's true, that's true. There's some other pole that Arnold is fighting with in this year. Shubs that through another guy's face. Right through his head. It's great.

It's like eyeball, like out the back of his head. Yeah. It penetrates a lot of men in this. He does. Hetero. I promise. No, no, serious. No, please. And they basically go into this fun...

It's like Raiders of the Lost Dark Mind Sequence kind of a deal. Oh, they've walked through that. There's like catacomb briefly, I think that already happened. Where Benny's like, oh, I think my grandfather's buried down here, yikes. Oh, that's right, but this is like we're going to the where the reactor is. We're going down to the reactor

because this is where Benny's like chasing them with this huge fucking drill machine. I think he stole this from the technodromes because of Ninja Turtles. It's pretty cool. I like these destroy walls wherever you go. It's pretty awesome. And then this is where Arnold,

speaking of Jason Vortes, he takes, I mean, he becomes the fucking driller killer. Yes. Because he's got this like handheld drill and he just starts putting it through the door of this truck and it's like, you better get out of the way. And then you just hear this screw you

and it's, and he's like digging into this guy. It's not a swift kill. He's drilling it. to this guy. Well, it's screw you. Shuckling. Yeah. Yeah, there's like seven O's and 12 U. Yes. Yep.

God damn, it's great. It's awesome. There's like fun hologram fight here. That's kind of cool. Yeah, he's using the hologram to fight. And I love the cool move where he tosses it to Molina. So she's got a hologram for a couple of seconds. This is the funny.

Oh, is this the holographic quaint? It's kind of like Arnold doing a not joke. Yes, it is. Almost. Yes, it is. This close. I swear I'm not a hologram, not. That was fun.

That was a good one. I like that one. At some point around here, by the way, is when Cohagen has turned off the air. Yes. Specifically to the Venusville, I think it's like Sector G or something. And you've just got all these mutants lying

on the floor gasping. It's fucked up. The air comes in at a big fan, like it's just like a bad rec center kind of a deal. It's a cheap build, man. It's a cheap build. You get to labor in there in one day. This is him versus Richter on the elevator.

Oh, my God, I love this. Now, you know, in any other movie, right, I was saying this backstage, in any other movie, Arnold is fighting with Michael Ironside here and this elevator is going up. And he would just fall off. Like, maybe by the hands, and then Arnold steps on his hand,

he falls, whatever, and he would still have you at the party. Like, it would be all the same. But this is a Paul, Verhoeven movie. Yes, sir. So this motherfucker has to have both of his arms chopped off by this elevator and then plummet to his death.

Yes. Ooh, that's good. See at the party, Richter. Yes. I won't be bringing ice, Richter. But I can lend you a hand. Oh, there you go.

But then Coagin is there in the final room kind of like, this is, yeah, the sort of reactor control center here. which you saw briefly in the trailer. It's clearly, this is kind of dumb, right? It's to be activated by this clear, like, alien paw. Yes.

And Arnold just kind of is like, well, I guess two fingers could go into one. And yeah, oh, I started the reactor. You're welcome, Guato. It's kind of a spark dealie, but not enough to get sued. Oh, you just push it. Oh, you just have to push it. That doesn't matter at all. Here it's easy.

Coahagan just trying to stop him with this. this chicken shit bomb, this little bomb. Oh, dude, yeah. I'll be home in time for corn flakes. So I don't know, Coaghan, you're fucking throwing that party. Are you serving cornflakes at the party? Or his apartment's way far from this part of town. Oh, I don't know.

Famous serial parties. Everybody loves them. And yes, he's also telling him, oh, if he starts the reactor, you'll kill everybody. He's trying to get in his head a little bit. Oh, right, yeah. No, that is all state sanctioned to propaganda. He starts the bomb.

Arnold throws a, it down a hole, I assumed was just a hole. It turns out it's the window. Yet again. It gets a night on Mars. I think you're right. It blows a hole in the side of the facility here and dude fucking Kohagen just gets

sucked right out. Great Ronnie Cox balloon head. It takes 22 minutes of the end of the movie. Pretty soon we're all being ugh. You know, genuinely stunned and maybe this was like a so they didn't get the NC-17. You got of figure Coahaghan's head popped.

Yeah. Like there's footage somewhere of balloon Ronnie Cox just, pooh! Yeah, yeah. And it's awesome. And the movie, while good, would be better for it. Or the vacuum of space, like, sucks his pants off. It's embarrassing.

It's embarrassing. Oh, yeah. Well, what they're telling you is when you go out on Mars, it's like one big penis pump out there. Yeah. Yeah, I would like to see that. Pump too much. He goes right out.

Show me that shit bubble up. What we do see bubble up is both Arnold and Molina get sucked out and they're like, they're also doing what Ronnie Cox does, but there are a couple of minutes behind him. But the air is coming out and the air thankfully saves them. I feel like once the Henson company gets involved, you're dead. You know what I mean? Once their head bulges and their eye. You can't go back.

Yes. Or like they just look like that now. You know what I mean? Just big eyes. Yeah. That would be great. It's the same thing with that nostril. Like, it would just be saggy.

Yeah, I'm a mutant too. Yeah, sure. No, yeah, we are pre-erification. How could you tell? Hi. No, no, come in. The spinach dip. Yeah, no, put it over there.

Oh, my God. Good news. We're pregnant. It's exciting. It's exciting. We got a little head here for a gender reveal. Here we got. Three, two, one. Mutant.

Disgusting. I'm just sad we never got a Ronnie Cox soundboard. Oh, yeah. To get him with all of his nuts stomping on there. Oh, that's true. He's got some good screams. Yeah, and then Arnold just has to do that, oh, no, you just, I just thought of something.

What if this is a dream? Oh. End of movie. Great flick. Great flick, man. That is total recall. So, really good one. Really good one.

We do have to start wrapping it up here, unfortunately, but it's been a great time. Thank you all for coming out. We very much appreciate this. Give yourselves a round of a pause. If you've been drinking, take care of the staff. Yes, very, very good tips tonight only. That's right.

Yeah, and, you know, just really quick. 15 years is a long time, man. things like this, don't do this. It's very weird. It's very special. So seriously, I mean, anybody who's ever coming to a show, downloaded something, subscribed to a Patreon,

bought a piece of merch, or even just said to a friend, hey, these guys are fucking weird, but you'd probably like them. Thank you so much. Thank you to our family. So, you know, 15 years and no sign of stopping.

Thank you all very much. Now, the thing is, as cool as that was, we can't get out of here. No. Without ending the show like we end most movies' live affairs here. We've got to check in to see what the Internet thought about this movie, and to do that, you've got to go to the place where you can still get the best Internet entertainment journalism. That's right. The IMDB User Review section.

Let's get to it. Okay. All right. So we got three for you tonight. First one here, 10 out of 10 stars. I like this guy's style. I'm assuming it's a man

because it's a dude writing about the internet. Reading on the internet about Total Recall. Yeah, yep. Subject line, awesome experience. Username Tron Ron Tron. Fuck yeah. Okay. Fuck yeah.

Sure. August the 9th, 2012. and this person put a spoiler in here just in case. This movie has awesome one-liners, memorable scenes, characters you hate or cheer for, wonderful sets, and lots of creatively thought-out action. Some points I liked. At the beginning of the movie,

the fooling around between Quaid and his fake wife is kind of how it goes in real life. it kind of yeah it kind of is wait a second it kind of is yeah hey kind of

no it makes sense why is he with another person though that's weird this and other presentations of social interaction is implemented well in total recall end of review

okay it was implemented well Look, human interaction was implemented well. I agree, yes. You know the hellos were very realistic. Chat GPT, I swear to God. This said 2012. I don't think that damnish shit was invented yet.

Can't blame it on them. So this is, you know, this is real-life losers writing stuff. Okay, God, I got, I got. Not computer losers. Just a sad thing. Oh, speaking of real-life losers, here we go. One out of ten stars. Oh, no.

Subject line. No, no, no. Just wait. Correct. Subject line couldn't stop laughing. Oh. Username Gawain 1564.1. Yeah, that's not a funny one.

I don't know why I kept that in. Oh, here's why I kept this information in. Written Christmas Day, 2017. We're getting mad on Christmas about Total Recall. Yeah. That's tough. That's tough to come back from. Yeah.

If this film had been billed as a comedy instead of science fiction, I would have given it a higher rating. But, alas, it seems that the director was only trying to appeal to the most unsophisticated audience as possible. And in that regard, I guess he succeeded. Hi, Gawain, it's your mother. Yes, I appreciate that you didn't have the time to see us because you had to write a total recall review. And as it's the year 2017, and this movie's been out since 1990, I would say, son, that you've had plenty of time to write this review.

So it's not even the remake that was just... It was just 2012. It was right there. You know what? I'm going to hang this phone up. All right, get ready to hate this person even more. The acting was terrible throughout. Arnold was his usual wooden self.

This is reprehensible. Sharon Stone wasn't much better unless her goal was to portray a cartoonish, sleazy bitch that no one could take seriously. If that was the case, she pulled it off pretty well. Hey, Gawain. Hey, go ahead. It's your mother.

Thanks for not coming to Christmas. Nobody wants you there anymore. Because like every Christmas, I served the Sharon Stone Cake for dessert. And we're just happy you weren't here to ruin that. Oh, my mother just made turkey that sleazy bitch. Yikes. You cartoonish sleazy bitch

with your mashed potatoes and warm love for your family. I'm just going to sit here and, a whole bowl of potato chip crumbs by myself. After viewing this gigantic failure, I googled Philip K. Dick to see if he was still around to witness this atrocious portrayal of his work. He wasn't.

No. I was sad to see that he died so young, parentheses 53. But at least he didn't have to witness this insult to his talent and imagination. Oh, well, we'll always have Blade Runner. Sure. Okay. It's cool to have both.

Sure. Yeah. You know. Doesn't all have to be the same, man. Fucking Gawain, dude. Pepsi and Coke, dude. It's great. I don't like Gway.

Skinner darkly. All right, here we go. Last one for the evening. Oh. Well, you got some place to be? Jesus fucking Christ. Give it a second. Well, now we're just going to stay here longer.

No, we're not. All right, here we go. Ten out of ten stars. The best R-rated Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, followed by 12 or so exclamation marks. Written by Stephen Chase 63504, March the 13th, 2021. Spoiler listing here. And this is the part I want all of you to remember. Three people on the internet read this and found it helpful.

Okay. All right, let's hear. The best part is the triple nipple nudity. We've been We Hate Movies from right here in New York City. Thank you. for sewing up. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye.