We Hate Movies - S16: WHM Mail Bag: July 2026

Episode Date: July 15, 2026

It's the July 2026 WHM Mail Bag, so let's open that bad boy up! On this edition of WHMMB, we're reading letters about a disastrous Friendsgiving blackout, a guy who saw a real life MELR0210 Sex Mom in the wild, someone who was broken up with after seeing Robocop (2014) in theaters, a guy who let his friend sell his own home instead of admitting he crapped on his lawn, a porno flick accidentally being rented to an old lady instead of Steel Magnolias, and more! Want your weird story read on the air? Have a hot film or TV take you want us to weigh on? Is there a years-long friends or family film dispute that you need settled? Then write into the WHM Mail Bag: [e-mail]! Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Oh, what is going on? Welcome one and all to WHM mailbag. I almost sit on screen live because it's on screen lives dating time, but we're doing a mailbag. My name is Andrew Drup and I'm here alongside Chris Cabin and Eric Siska. Steve Sadek on a plane going straight into the Bermuda Triangle, I think. Well, yeah, he's got to deal with some tentiful monster. I'm glad I don't have to do with it to be perfectly honest. I've already had to do with two of those this year. I'm not going for thirds.

He's fighting the tentacle monster from the atomic monster opening logo. Oh, I was going to say from adult film. Oh, adult cartoon, right? Oh, ninja, like a ninja scroll type. Squid detastic. Okay, yes, that makes sense. Because this is an odd hour for the mailbag odds are most of you are listening to this after the fact or watching it after the fact. but hey welcome into the chat people who are watching live infinity

vias maybe let's go with that nico art busiris is in the house lisha oliver 92 98 designia hello hello hello oh blamoff 81 yes uh sam neil rip indeed absolutely uh fuck that sucked really above us um by the way the one above that Andrew. I'm hoping for vomit stories someone said in the chat. I'm hoping there's some puk play today because that'll be fun. Chris, you assembled these. I can confirm. I can confirm.

There is vomit. There is vomit. Sure. Right off the bat. Glad we got the thumbs up on the vomit. Also, stay tuned for the vomit, folks. Rest in peace, Sam Neal, rest and piss, Lady G. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck that person.

Straight to hell where they are right now. now shaking hands with the devil and trying to get the devil to start a war. Sam Neal is riding a dinosaur attacking them right now. Please go forth Sam Neal ghost and kill them all. I don't know if the Mitch McConnell ghost is there yet. I've heard conflicting reports. Dude, I saw that photograph, that proof of life photograph, and I'm sorry, it looks Photoshop.

Like, I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be that guy. He's holding a newspaper from today. Like, it's not even like fulled out like, hey, look, it's, they say they're trying to leave Easter eggs in that thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, this is just a preview for like every political death that's going to happen in the rest of my lifetime.

Any major political death for the rest of my life. If seats matter. If a seat matters involved in. It always seems like seats matter. It's very rare these days when we're like, oh, no, we don't have to worry about any of that shit. No, sir. But anyway, yeah, fuck that guy and fuck a whole lot of them that I hope follow suit with him soon

enough. But we are here to read your letters that you have written into the mailbag here. I'm going to get us going. We got a few to get to you. I'm very excited for this. There's a wealth of emails to read. And Steve's going to be sorry that he's missing it. But here we go. The Friends Giving in Moscow. Uh-oh. What's up, WHM gang? I know you guys have an affinity for shit and vomit stories. So here's my own story to throw in the mailbag. Absolutely. Just right out the gate. So excited. Thank you. Right out the gate. A few years back, my wife and I went to our close friends' birthday party.

This was in November right around Thanksgiving. This detail matters, they say. Okay. We arrive around 4 p.m., do the hellos, and immediately get to drinking. I like this already. I mean, I don't like where it's going to go, obviously. I do like the, you get to a social situation. Immediately there's a cocktail, there's a beer.

Sign up. good host. Class. Yeah, of course. I'd eaten basically nothing that entire day. Here's where the bad idea starts and came to the party hungry on purpose since it was meant to be like a friend's giving. Well, but also you don't

want to be the friend at the giving that's like a pig that's eating everything. Yeah, no, that's true. Hey, Andrew, save some for the rest of us. You don't want to hear that. I wouldn't mind it. You know you're supposed to pig out during the friends giving, so I understand the thought process, but

really, going a whole day without eating. Get like some saltines you at the very least. A banana in the morning. You need a base. You need a base. Yeah, yeah. Just a little bit. Let's see. At this point, none of the main food was really close to being

ready. We start with a birthday shot or two and then move to the main course of drinks. A drink dispenser that you'd normally use for lemonade that had cranberry juice, cranberries, rosemary, and most importantly, two

Costco-sized bottles of vodka dumped in. Nice. Oh, man, that fucking Kirkland vodka. Oh, gosh. You know, that's not real vodka. They're like making that from, it's like old shoes that have been distilled into vodka, not potatoes. That's what happens after a cartoon has gone through the dip and then you

put that through like a potato pouch and that's what comes out. I thought old shoes was part of vodka's whole recipe. I thought that was always a thing that we, you know, stanky shoes. It depends upon where you're getting it. Yeah, certainly. Maybe not Tidos. No, that's absolute.

Whoever who is it that had the fully AI commercial with their robots? Was that Stedka? Yeah. That's shoes. That's boogers. That's fedka's and boogers too.

And farts, a little bit of farts on the top. When you get a smoked cocktail? Those are always fun. They bring it out. Oh, right. Yeah, you open it up. They do it. A punch in the face of the fart. They do it farts. Oh, yeah. Needs more fart Okay

The idea was to use this mix to have a Moscow Mule which we topped with a tiny amount of ginger beer After two of those Moscow mules And probably more shots that I don't remember The food was ready Now it's been around an hour and 15 minutes And I'm feeling rather wasted already I sat on my friend's stairs for a few minutes

With my plate swaying back and forth that's not good when you i i know the friend's stare move and like you got to get away from the from all the people away from the table yep all right if you're doing this early that's not a good sign i would be starting to look for reasons that you have to leave in an emergency you should be looking for bags or containers that will not be missed also uh unable to eat or even remotely hold a conversation oh says my friend and my friend and my wife asked if I wanted to go sit in another room so now you're

attracting attention. Please, yes, please. Get the things. Others chill out tense. Yeah. Others are noticing now. Okay, let's see. Which I did for at most

two minutes before stumbling outside onto the front lawn, face down, ass up, and proceeded to vomit all over my friend's lawn. Whoa. Of course. You know what? responsibility. I love to see this. That's an easy place to spray

down. People are not necessarily going to be like, oh, is that vomit in there? I got a double check. No, they'll let it go. That's a perfect place to vomit because then you're also feeding the woodland creatures and all the barrels will eat your pukew. The raccoons will help you out there, you know, clean up

some of that. All of Bambi's friends. I laid there for over an hour in drunken agony while the other party goers tried to find a way for me to get back inside. This fucking rocks. Just to get out like a rope

around his leg and pull him in like one person after the other just It's a new friends giving tradition. Tago drunk. Okay, it's worth mentioning this party was also Yeah. Oh no fucking way.

It's worth mentioning this party was also the office themed. And I dressed up as Facebook Jim. I do not know what this means. Is everybody, Andrew, I don't, you seem to be know the most about the office. I couldn't tell you.

No. Okay. I don't know. Anyone in the chat is, do you remember this from that TV show? We don't know it. So people younger than us rewatch the office the way people, our age,

rewatch Seinfeld. So it could be out there. Right. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm a British, the office. I watched all of that. I really loved it.

I have only watched a little bit of my mom's a big fan of the American office. So I've only seen little episodes here and there from when she watched. I mean, I found the office to be demoralizing. I couldn't watch it because you spend all day in a place like that and you go home and watch it. Sure. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Oh, yeah.

I should have just read the next sentence. So yes, in an office type outfit with book written on my face. Well, I laid on my friend's lawn in a sea of. my own vomit. After some time, my friend's grandma showed up, who is 90 years old and a bit traditional. Hold on a second. You're not supposed to be, and this is on the

host, right? You're not supposed to be handing out shots, making 50 Moscow mules, if you know, granny's riding in. Dude, totally, unless Mimau's down to party, but we're told here, she's a bit traditional. Yeah, and well, I don't know, traditional, being a raging alcoholic in America,

that might be tradition. That's true. That might be it. That might be true. We had a couple of traditions in my family. Let's see. My friend had to expertly guide her into the house in such a way where she wouldn't see a drunken Facebook idiot passed out on the grass. How? Did you make him invisible? Did you put the Harry Potter cloak off? Oh, dude. Hey, Mi Ma, we're going to blindfold you because we want you to see the centerpiece. We wanted to be a surprise. So blindfold coming to the house, Mee Ma'am. In from the back. How about that? Just get a little bit. Oh, yeah. You don't got to see the front lawn. It's all messy. We'll take care of tomorrow. Stairs are slippery.

You said grandma in the back? Oh, back of the house. Back of the house. Not turning her around. No, no. I told you I'm a bit traditional, but not all the way traditional. That's right. I like anal.

Yes. Third input is my tradition. Oh, God. Plug it in. I couldn't get up on my own accord and I'm a taller guy. So the next two biggest people at the party had to carry my dead weight into the house and onto a couch. Mind you, I'm passed out at the drunkest I've ever been,

and it's not even 8 p.m. Oh, God. I slept another hour before waking up at 9 and continuing to party again after. Fuck, yes. Yeah, dude. I guess yes. Rally, pukin rally. Ledger, you did it.

Varsity Blues. Way to go. Yes, all of the friends never let me live that one down. My wife also put the liberty of calling my work to tell them I might not make it to work tomorrow at 7.30 a.m. for drinking too much, which I still fucking went to, they say. But, but also, oh, you know, he's really under the weather tonight. He's got, he's got a little light fever. We'll see how he is tomorrow. Don't be calling the office and he's drunk. No. Precisely, dude. Probably not a smart move. Also, if you're at the right kind of office, if you have a decent job, what will happen is you can go in in that hungover state and somebody likely a nicer than usual.

boss will be like, go home. I cannot stand looking at this or smelling it. So please just go home and take a day. It's worth it for me. Let's see. So they say, I hope you all enjoy this embarrassing but hilarious tale of why you don't put two Costco bottles of vodka and a small drink dispenser. Thank you for all the amazing content on all platforms.

And I'm looking forward to the next live show in their city. Josh from the Bay Area. Well, well, you know, Californians Thank you, Josh. Love Las Vegas. They love going to Las Vegas. So I count Las Vegas as your city as well. And we are doing a few shows in Las Vegas and just a few short weeks away.

Yes, STLV, the 60th anniversary, the Star Trek convention, and the 10th anniversary of our side show, the Nexus. We are doing three shows. Count them three. Three at the Rio Hotel and Casino Resort. We might be beaten with bats in a field after this. Yes, aluminum bats, the real hard hitter ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is exciting. Thursday, August 6th at 730 p.m.

Star Trek 2, the wrath of con. Friday, August 7th, at 1030 p.m. Star Trek Generations. That's going to be a filthy show. Dude, I mean, you tell us we can't go on until 1030 p.m. Guess what's getting real disgusting. We're hiring someone to do bleeps for us. There's going to be someone on the stage.

when we start saying something we shouldn't say they will be doing a beep. That show is going to turn your hair white. And then Saturday, August 8th at 730, Star Trek First Contact, which I believe 30th anniversary of that movie as well. That's right. That is right.

That's happening. At this convention, the rad thing is you don't need to be attending this convention so you don't need convention passes or whatever. You can just buy tickets to this and go to the Rio and they will direct you to the shows. And if you are attending the con, you know, let's hang out.

Come see us. Especially that 1030 show. What the fuck are you doing? Josh, Josh, I will see you there. And you'll have book written on your face. I hope. I hope so.

All right, Mr. Siska, you have the next one here. Great subject line on this one coming up. Oh, my good. What is the hell is this? The social habits of the earthbound sex mom. Oh. Now fans who don't. No. Sex Mom is something created from our Melro 210 episode where Billy Campbell played by Andrew Shoe, you see. He doesn't really want just like a partner in life and a girlfriend. He wants a mom type figure to do all his chores for him who he can also have sex with. Hence a sex mom. It's needed sometimes, I guess. Yeah. I don't know if this email is still active or if you. It is. It's so great where we get those, right? Like people are like, is this show still happening?

Hey, are you dead? No. Or if you're even soliciting for the mailbag stories at the moment, we're always soliciting. Always. Always get, whenever you are in the mood to type out one of your more embarrassing stories, throw it on over here, including if you've just drank two Kirkland vodka bottles and are just on the, if you're just laying there with your ass up in the lawn, just type out a nice quick email. Yes, we are always soliciting, but not in Las Vegas, because I'm not going to fall for that,

officer. No, they always try. But I had to send this one off before it escaped my memory. On Friday night, my wife and I were at a wine tasting for a fun date night. Fuck yeah. There were about 10 other couples at the event, all strangers to us. This sounds like it could be a hot little thing. Yeah.

And then they took out the fish bowl and we all started putting car keys. Why don't you taste? I mean, if the Gorney weaver's there, I wouldn't, I wouldn't mind. Why don't you taste my wine now, right? and that's like, I don't know what that even means. A lot of spitting. A couple in their 40 sat down at our table and we chatted off and on over the next couple of hours.

The man looked a little younger than the woman and had a slightly childish look about him. His mannerisms, voice and word selection were slightly childish as well. I wonder what that means. He's talking about the Ninja Turtles at dinner? I mean, because that's me at dinner. I don't know. And then Donatello, you see, he fixes the machine so that the rat king cannot take Michelangelo a second time. My wife suspected he might be on the spectrum. Okay, I didn't know that. I'm reading. This is the first time being presented with this information.

Yes. The women, the woman, the woman was a typical mother in her 40s, very nice and conversational, but looked a little tired. They had a very, they had very young children, and I figured out that was exhaustion. Well, as I overheard more of their conversation and the way they spoke to each other, I realized there was more at play here. This was a sex mom in the wild. Oh, shit. She spoke to her husband as if he was a child, and he spoke to her as a young boy would speak to his mother. What?

Where's my wine milk? Mommy, where's my wine milk? I need a now. I made boom, boom. Fix. What? Wipe it up. The conversation between the.

two never got too weird but just general discussion about the wine and cheese we were at taste. The little boys shouldn't be drinking wine and having cheese. No, totally. I hope not the fancy cheese. I hope he got a spanking when he got home. That might be part of the whole, yeah.

I would think so. And I mean, if it's not only give a kid like this or man like this, I don't know how old this person is, American cheese. Do not be trying to get the funky stuff in with someone like this. That's not gonna work.

I'd go to a wine tasting and they're like ripping out the craft singles. Oh, dude. It's okay. I brought my own cheese. Just different kinds of ways of folding it.

They put like ball it up in one. They're like, oh, this is different ways to eat your American food. Brought to the wine tasting tucked in a fanny pack, by the way. Oh,

no. Here's my fanny pack cheese. That's all there is to this story. But thanks to the Lord's work you are doing. Thank you. We do work for the Lord. Each and every month on Melro 2 and O, I was able to recognize a worrying trend hiding in plain sight, John, in Louisville.

So thank you, John. Thank you, John. You know what, though, I got to know, you got to give some quotes, just some little stintments of what. You really got to dig in there. What made you realize, oh, this is a sex mom situation? Like, was he talking about like, like, oh, this Malbac's got a nice body to it? By the way, did you fold my laundry? Yes.

And for the uninitiated Melro 2 and O, I think you alluded to it earlier, Andrew, is our side show where we talk about 902 and O. And Melrose place back to back. It's a lot of fun. And thank you again, John in Louisville. And Louisville pretty close to Las Vegas in my book. Can I see that book? Where is that? We're going to discuss maps later in the show, I think.

but yeah, just another reminder again of our trek to Las Vegas happening in just a few weeks. A little under a month. John, I would say, ask, as long as this is not too embarrassing, ask your wife what she remembers of this and see, get back to me

about what exactly she remembers from this encounter because I bet you there's more in there. If this was a real sex mom, there had to be real evidence and real quotes, and I bet you you can get a little, little bit more. And we will be happy to I love this idea, Chris. I think everyone should do this for mailbags. Get another perspective in here.

I wanted this to be like Roshaman, where it's like you see the puke happening from different angles and perspectives. Now here's the partner's response of watching the puking on the lawn. Yeah. By the way, the puking on the lawn story, I forgot to mention it, but we one time Chelsea and I and two of our friends drove

up to Boston to go to what we were told was a friends giving situation. Sure. So we brought like wine and I think some sort of like a bread or something. I don't remember. I don't think anyone cooked. Maybe someone cooked. There was something that was food was being brought.

Right. Okay. We get to this apartment. And these friends, there was friends of ours, like one friend that we knew from purchase and her boyfriend. And we get to this apartment. And it's just a raging fucking party. Really? With tons of people.

Wow. And we genuine, like, we walked in and it was like, here's some. line and and we're like dressed for like a friends giving kind of thing and it's just a rager fucking part and we I mean we wound up having a total blast but it was the funniest like hey man you can't call it a friends giving if it's just a raging party because that sends mixed signals but or at the very least let that be known let if there is a rager if people are going to be wearing t-shirts it should be known I think exactly front and center that was where I first learned about Horchata

and the liquor that you make. They have rum chata. That's why I first said rum chata. Educational party. Exactly. Chris Cabin, you are up. Yeah. One last good time at the Robocop remake. Hey gang, huge fan. I've been listening

since 2015 when you were getting me through many warehouse workshifts. I hear this all the time. We are really big in wear. House. Oh, yeah. Wonderful. Thank you guys.

Yes, guys, thank you so much. Those people are doing a real job and we're entertaining them with a fake job. And I've heard a lot of these warehouses are near Las Vegas, by the way. There are a lot of warehouses in Las Vegas. I don't think they're all there, but they are there. I've been waiting for a good time to write in a movie-related disaster with the recent episode of Robocop, the remake. This was a perfect time.

All right. Let's go. Let's get fucking embarrassed. on the internet. It's 2014. I'm 21 in my first adult relationship. This boyfriend and I had been friends in high school and in college became very close and eventually dated. Things were going well and we were having fun. One of our favorite activities was going to the movies. One day we make plans to see the RoboCoff remake, bad plant. I'm going to say that right now. You're setting your day up for failure. Yeah, you should really like clear out the rest of day because

you're going to have to make up for it. I honestly, can remember why I honestly can't remember why I hadn't seen the original and it's not my typical movie. I meet him at his house and he drives us from there. The ride to the movies was a little awkward, but I didn't think anything of it. We're watching the movie and there's definitely an odd tension. I keep my hand on the armrest, leaving it available for him to hold it, hold it, and he never does, which is strange for what we usually do.

That would be strange if you were going a whole movie with your romantic, partner and you never like touch them or anything. Like that's say you have to go the full finger. Oh, like that. But like you have, I feel like there's some intimacy. Because armrest is always like a battle for real estate at the movies anyway. So if you have someone that you can share it with and it's not awkward, like let's dig into that immediately. Yeah.

That feels like I would also be like there's something up here. Although that I'm overthinking in my head for most of the movie, although that's just as well since the movie sucked. Yeah, you were probably doing more thinking than the movie was doing thinking. True. That scene where they showed his remaining body parts to him for the first time disturbed me beyond belief. It did me too and also just made me bored.

Being disgusted and bored at the same time is quite a feeling. Horrible mix. Really, really bad one. The movie ends and we drive back to his house where I think we're about to go inside and fool around because, well, we're 21 years old. Really? I'm curious what the impetus. was for the drive to my

house and then we'll take my car to the movies. Why are we just meeting at the movies? What is the stop off? Well, I, because you're going back to the same place to go fuck it anyway, right? So I guess we're just saving some time that way. Save some gas, you know what I mean? Got it.

I mean, at the time it was probably a little better than what gas prices are now. But still, you want to be, you know. True. I like that they're high. It's freedom pricing. Good. As I go to leave the car, he says, wait, we need to talk. Oh, boy.

Oh, no. The last thing anyone wants to hear, my heart drops to my stomach. He tells me it's felt like friends hanging out lately and doesn't think will work. That's why he picked the worst movie. He wanted to kill the vibe. Yes. Oh, make you in a bad mood just to prepare. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Fuck that, though. You made this person sit through Robocop. You made yourself sit through Robocop 2014, only to do the deed after the fact. Dude, don't even bother with the movie, man. Yeah, I would have said, just, you know, break up. Even if it's, I know it's a cowardly move, but just over the phone, if you have to do it, just do it. Get it over, rip the band-aid, it's what it is. We'll work.

I'm in complete shock, jaw on the floor, and I'm speechless until I utter, you're breaking up with me? not picking up on the rhetorical question, he responds with the sheepish. Yeah. Oh, man. Not helpful. He says he wanted to take me out for a nice day to the movies. Well, you failed at that, sir.

Dude. No, this isn't like when you give a dog ice cream before it has to go over the rainbow bridge. Like that's the-burgers. What are he doing? I'm going to take you to the nice movies before we do this. Oh, my God. You know what? Honestly, if you're.

going to, if you think like that, if you have a brain like that, just fill up my gas tank then. If you really, like, if you're going to spend the money anyway and all that shit, give me something I can use, like a full fucking tank of gas. That would really help. Oh, man, just so we can have a last date. Oh, that sucks. Uh, yeah, so we can have a last date. Boy, he picked the wrong movie for that. Anytime I see anything about this remake, I think of my quote unquote last meal before relationship euthanasia. Exactly. The dog thing.

Yes. Luckily, a few months later, I ran into an old friend at the bank who also went through a breakup for similar reasons. Robocop 2014. I wonder. What did he think of Robocop

2014? See a fan? We're best friends and who have been married for almost eight years. Fuck yeah. That's nice. In fact, during the WHM episode when you were discussing

which came out first. I knew that Robocop came out before Birdman because I remembered this disaster and that I had seen Birdman with my now husband. Excellent. I love how you can movies are like little markers on the road of life. You know what I mean? Yes. They really do. They paint

your lifespan. That's awesome. Do you ever remember when movies do you ever remember when movies came out based on who you saw it with or do you have any movie related breakups? Thanks for all the laughs over the years and the hilarious. live shows. I've been lucky enough to catch

in Boston. Thank you. Shannon from Massachusetts. Thank you so much, Shannon. Massachusetts has airports that take your right to Las Vegas. That's right. You get right there. You probably get a direct flight to Las Vegas from. Pretty nice, Massachusetts service right to Los Vegas. You burned yourself there because there's going to be other ones and you're not going to be able to use the airport one for the next level. Oh, can't he though.

And won't you try? Like a delayed flight, I'll circle. pull around the airport thing for a while. I cannot I have only been through one breakup in my entire life. And it was very mild and it had only I think we'd been day for like three months. It was a very short thing. And it was just a text thing. It was not a big deal. So I don't have any great breakup stories

to be honest with you. I don't either. I'm pretty confident though that my a girl I dated in high school chose, like made the decision that she was going to break up with me after we had the choice of going to a party with friends of hers or going to the multiplex where we worked, Chris and I worked,

she didn't work there, to see the Kevin Spacey film K-Pax. Oh, wonderful. It was like kind of a fight and then we went to see K-Pax and I'm sure while watching K-Pax, she was like, this is done. Yes. Oh my God. The only thing that even comes close is I

took a lady I was sweet on well girl I we were young and to Freddy got fingered right this popular new release oh yeah you know this big comedy guy we've seen him on MTV's and he's got a motion picture out now yeah so anyway we don't we don't think we ever spoke again uh but we're not really an item item item item probably freddie put his stuff to that but it's like one of those things like if you and her were like driving down the road on a dark and stormy night and you fucking ran somebody over and killed him and then drove away you'd be like we can't be friends anymore because we can't talk about this anymore it's the same thing you saw freddie got fingered with this person and it was like we just can't even speak i would have rather i just i want this a race from my life rather have seen someone hit with a car doesn't someone's got to get hit by a car oh i mean i forgot i just remember the elephant penis the most that's that's all anyone can remember i imagine thomas greenstein definitely was hit by something in that i it might have been

a bus, you know, but it might, I think he got hit by some vehicle. I'm pretty sure. Dude, I'm loving Tom Green's life living in like rural Canada on a farm. He was just on stage. Do you see this, Chris? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I mean, he's the guy, he used his money correctly. If

anybody I was going to give an example for like, he had a very limited amount of time where he was popular. Yep. But like he used all of that to really set up a decent life for himself and I'm really happy for him. And he seems like totally, like He got remarried. He seems like totally zen about like living his life.

But he was just on stage with limp biscuit. Yeah. Good for him. What were they singing? Was it break stuff? I think it was breaks. Yeah. It might have been a less known tune for all I know.

But I'm pretty sure it was break stuff. Also to the other part of Shannon's question. Yes. I remember when movies come out a lot of the time like, yeah, based on like who I saw with, but also like where I saw it helps me sometimes like place things. Yeah, that always helps. I think I, the only one I really remember is because I went to,

I had an internet girlfriend when I was younger. Hell yeah. And I went to visit her in Kentucky. And I mean, she was pre that whole thing, but she certainly had to thank you. But yeah, I saw both the X-Files movie and Armageddon with her. And I remember those very good things,

I was nice. Uh, next one's Andrew. Okay, let's see. Uh, the bear did it is the subject line. Hello, gentlemen. Personally, I would like to thank you for all you do. Your podcast has helped me get through plenty of hours of boring work as a truck driver, as well as kept me entertained through a few hundred miles of walks and runs last year.

Well, thank you. Well, you know, you could, you could drive that truck or walk or run to Las Vegas. Oh, that's right. All roads go to Las Vegas. Use your brain. See, you don't have to go back to the airplane. You predicted I'd go back to the airplane. The airplane wants, but we'll see.

The airplane might come back. That's right. It's right, Chris. It is your fault. I'm writing in answering the call for tales of poorly timed number two's. This story goes back to the winter of 2019, 2020. I was going through a breakup and got out of the town I was living in to go visit my mates back in our college town. I was staying at a friend's house, and that night myself, my friend, his girlfriend, and a few other other. went out to a concert.

They don't say what the concert is, which leaves me to believe they're embarrassed. Local, or I think that's a local band. Okay. A not very well known. Sure. I would just saw some live music. For the folks at home,

we should explain what a number two is. That is, that's like a defecation out of your butt. Mm-hmm. I think that's where all the defecating happens. We have someone in the chat who's very nice who's learning English and want to help them out. Oh, well, there you go.

It's, you know. Worst place to study it is listening to the three of us talk. Do not repeat anything we say in public. Oh, please. Please, God. We proceeded to have plenty of drinks and several nose beers until about 1.30 when there was only 30 minutes to stop at a gas station to buy more beer for the rest of the night. All right. I decided.

There's plenty of nose beer in Las Vegas, I think. Oh, yeah. You can. Las Vegas will hook you up with nose beers. Let's see. I decided to leave the show early and drive to the gas station, grab a couple cases of beer, and then I would meet my buddy back at his place

to finish the night's festivities. Sounds like a plan. When I got to my buddy's house, nobody was home, so I sat on his front porch and cracked a few beers for myself. Having a beer or two and chain smoking a handful of cigarettes, the nose beers decided to wear off a little bit. Oh boy.

That's not good. No. Frumpting a feeling I had, not had all night. A growler had been brewing. Being locked out of the house, I didn't have anywhere else to go. So I went roundback

drop trow and laid one of the largest turns I've ever dropped on a pile of leaves. That's one thing you do, I haven't even done coca, sorry, nose beers. I haven't had many nose beers in my life. I've had no nose beers in my life. But I do

know for a fact that it keeps you stuck up back there. It will stop it. Whereas cigarettes, on the other hand, loosen you up. So like, you're already fucking yourself here, buddy. Yeah, this is the rest of this is probably so you do your nose beard, you chew

a cigarette, same time, keep things level. Keep regular. Yeah, that's how you keep it regular. Not my proudest moment, but this thing needed to get out of me. I covered the turd with some more dried leaves and made sure it was where nobody would step in it. I hike my pants back up

and go around front and lower the whole I think and lo and behold my buddy shows up within five minutes. This is also, this is terrible. It's not mistakeable for dog feces, you know? People are going to, your defense here is like

Bigfoot was just here. That's the only thing you can do, dude, because it's, yeah. It is an right organism. A bipedal organism fucking took that shit. we go inside and we have ourselves a wonderful evening going into the morning. A few days later, I go back to the town I was living in with my ex for a few weeks and didn't think anything of it.

Then about a month later, I go back to my college town to stay with my buddy again. As I see him walk into the house, he warned me not to leave any food in my car because he's found bear poop last month or so, because he's found bear poop in his backyard. He hasn't been able to let his dog play outside for the last month or so due to fear of the bear. He told me he was planning on moving so he could have a place to let his dog run around. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the bear turd in his backyard was actually mine

and all the bears in the region would have been hibernating in late December. This is all on your friend. I'm sorry. If anybody's seen a bear turd, there's no way. You would even use it. It's humongous. I know that this guy had this nose beer shit, but like, no.

No, no, no. Uh, my poop forced one of my best friends to move. Well, you know, it's also something you can't cop to. So I think you did the right move here by just keeping mum about it. Um, wow. I don't know, man.

As it's, as it turns towards like, incurring a bunch of like expenses to move. Was his expenses? Not my off. I'm the shitter, not the shit he. Jesus Christ, Eric. I've still not told him about the source of the poo.

So, Sam, if you're listening, it was me. I'm sorry for any hardship. My bowel movement may have caused you. Again. Well, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you should. It's good to launder your guilt through us, I guess, is the real lesson. Precisely.

If you ever want to confess to anything, get us, get the line, email us. We can do your dirty work for you. We'll take confession, absolutely. Yeah, we'll do that. Again, thank you guys for everything you do. Keep it the good work, and I hope to see you guys perform live in Washington, D.C. sometime.

All the best. Gee, I know Washington, D.C. for a fact, right, Chris there? There's a wonderful airport. Jesus. That you can get a direct flight, I'm sure, to Las Vegas, because Washington, D.C. is full of all of our nefarious and evil lawmakers and they need a trip for sin. Yes, Sin City.

Oh, my God. That was some story. That's wild. I mean, that is, the guy moved. That's the thing is I would usually go the coward route like Eric. But like once I find out about moving, I think I'm just going to cop to it.

I shit in your lawn. You know, that's not the worst thing to cop to ultimately. Not the best, but you know what? I'm going to save my friendship here. You know what? I took a shit on your... It was during... I'm sorry, I should have had more nose beers

that would have saved this whole thing. Because also, I mean, you know, it's not like you wrecked his car. You just shit on his lawn. Yeah. It's embarrassing, but whatever. It's okay. It's totally okay.

Don't admit it. Eric is so. Cower through and through. That's the Eric's okay to have a secret. Yes. Go to your deathbed with a lot of stuff. Get a treasure trove ready for when you go.

All right, Eric, it's punishment. You have to read the next one. This ain't steel magnolias, X, X,XX, right? That's sort of like in the porn parody type of title.

Yes. That's what they do nowadays. It's a, like, this ain't Avatar or this ain't a Deadpool versus Wolverine. Which is one of those? That's so,

oh, probably sure. But that's so uncreative, right? like why not an actual parody title you know what I mean? I'll be going to tell you exactly why and we've had this discussion about our own thing SEO.

Oh, people are totally ready to butt pool versus Wolverpee or something. Well, that's, but that's what Chris is saying. You're certain you want people searching for they want to get people searching for the real movie to then be conned or delighted into renting the pornography.

And it would be too long. if it was like butpool and wolverp. Colin a Deadpool and Wolverine porno. That's huge. That's too much. That's too much. You can't put Luis Guzman cannot put that on his, you know, marquee when he's trying to, you know, show you the movie. You can't do that. It's too much. Hey, guys. I'm a devoted listener, multiple time emailer. I worked at Blockbuster for almost a decade. And we had many stories floating around about, about, but I want it, many stories floating around

but I wanted to tell you my favor. A man rented steel magnolias for his elderly mother. But apparently it wasn't properly checked in and had been returned with a porn DVD inside. Terrorism. This is real movie store terrorism. It happens all the time, but really, these are terrible people. The FBI should have gotten them. It had a suggestive cover on the front of the DVD and everything.

There was a new employee working the registrar, when the man angrily stomped stomped in to return it. He held the DVD case open and thrust it into the cashier's face. This is what my mother got when she rented stale magnolias. The cashier said without missing a beat, did she enjoy it? Legendary. I love it.

It was Randall from clerks here. Yes. He was fired that day, but man, I loved his spirit. Maybe if we kept people like him on staff, Blockbuster would still be. in business or maybe not probably not anyway love you guys thanks for all the laughs Jamie Lee

in Mobile Alabama thank you yes and you could be mobile driving out to Las Vegas yes for of course August 6 we'll be talking Star Trek

Wrath of Khan and of course remember this is at the Rio Hotel and Casino resort that's right lovely lovely Rio of course also Friday if August 7th, we'll be talking, Star Trek Generations, 10.30 p.m.

show, it's going to be lured. Pretty blue. Pretty blue. What's the last, what's the last one, Chris? I'm forgetting. First contact. We're doing that on Saturday, August 8th. It's my favorite Star Trek, so I will be

bright of spirits. And it's not a late one. No, 730. There's 2 at 7.30, 1 at 1030. I encourage you to come to them all. I mean, you might as well. You came all the way from Alabama. Yes. You know what's rad? I just got like some letter from the convention or like an email update or whatever.

And they're doing some screenings of some of the classic TV episodes and some of the movies. And the cool thing is if you're out there at the convention just in Vegas, you can go see sometime on Saturday first contact. And then you can on Friday, excuse me, you can see the movie. And then Saturday we're doing the show of it. So that's a cool one, two right there. Yeah. And if you're seeing a movie beforehand, then you can catch that dirty-ass blade show we're going to have 10. And again, you do not need convention passes to attend, even though it is at the Star Trek convention.

But think about all the people watching you can do here while you're waiting for this show. It should be very exciting. And there's also tons of celebrities that are going to be wandering around. I saw James Callis is going to be there the day before. That's Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galactica. If Steve was here, his eyes, his eyes would be going crazy. He lit up. I was just nodding politely.

I do like that show. So I'm excited to see him. I think Shagger's going to be there, probably with a security detail, a mile long. Yeah, the Shat's going to be there. You know, I'm excited. Dude, I want to bump into Robert Picardo. Yeah.

Robert Picardo is going to be out there. The doctor from Voyager. I fucking love that, dude. The doctor is one of my favorite Trek characters. If I'm riding in an elevator with Robert Picardo, it's going to be like the lady gremlin. It wasn't that? I will be the lady gremlin.

I would say yes. It was a bathroom. For me, that's a, that's in Vegas. Same difference. I'll be a bathroom. I'll show you.

It makes that. Robert Picard. I do, I love him to Star Trek, but I would be asking him about 9-7-6 evil. And if he has any memories of that. Oh, fuck. I forgot.

He's in that movie. He'd probably say no. Oh, you give you a shitty look. That's, you know what? I'm looking for that. That's what I prefer.

I went all the way to Las Vegas. And all I got was the shitty look from Robert. Ricardo. Worth it. All right, Chris, we got the last one here. Take us into the home stretch. The Shaw Brothers present Hong Kong stomach bug.

Dear WHM, love the podcast. You guys are great. Yada, yada, yada. Thank you very much. I'm submitting the story in celebration of, oh, because we got this way back. Oh, I see. This is a while ago. This was originally sent

to coincide with White Guy Karate Month. I practice martial arts. casually and over the summer the founder of the school I go to was offering a a Hong Kong Kung Fu history tour okay seven days in Hong Kong visiting temples martial arts schools and historical sites that I jump at rocks yeah I if I had more of this I might have stayed at karate school a couple of friends and I decided to add a couple of days at the end of the trip and hop over to Thailand before coming home very nice you better not be smuggling nose beers

nose beers back to the United States. Yeah, seriously. We don't want a fucking red corner situation. You might be dead already. It was a great trip and we got to see filming locations from several Shaw Brothers movies. Enter the Dragon and the pinnacle of white guy karate

films. Bloods. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Yes. Four days into the nine day trip, I decided to do a quick dinner and get some sleep. The mall had a burger king but I was after a local flavor. So I found a regional fast food restaurant to experience.

The food was miles above McDonald's or burger king. But alas, fast food is this going to turn into another puking and shitting thing? It's more shitting than puking, but yes. Excellent. The chicken was a little cold, and I should have known better and just stuck to the rice.

Okay. You don't want to be fucking around with chicken. Oh, God. It is a tough one. Usually should just go with beef in those situations. 24 hours later, I was sitting on my hotel room toilet, while the rest of the tour group I was with, went out for drinks. Disappointing,

but I resolved to get my guts squared away in time for the next happy hour. I'm getting the feeling that's not going to happen. No, this just from that, it's like cut to, I've been in the situation. You get that flop sweat. I'm totally naked on the fucking toilet. All the clothes are in like the corner of the hotel bathroom.

Like, you weren't going out. do that. You get, you do that outside the dojo until they let you in. 12 days you're just shitting outside. Just to prove that you're worthy. They agreed to train you. I barely made it through the night. Every couple of hours I had to get up and evacuate my mouth.

It was the most inhumane sleep deprivation torture conceivable. In the morning, I decided to do laundry before the tour started since I was already up early. and also because I desperately needed to. The machines in the laundry room required tokens from the front desk, so I emptied myself as much as I could, showered, and evacuated again,

put on my last set of clean clothes and went downstairs to the desk. At least you weren't shitting in the shower. No. I love the term to evacuate for this type of stuff. Oh, totally, dude. Yeah. Use that one.

It's a nice one. Get out. Get out. You picture like, you know, people like, running down the staircase of your bowels to evacuate, you know? Right. Oh yeah, like all the little turds like

running down the staircase. Like it's 9-11 happening and they're trying to get the hell out of there. I love this old story. Steve since he's not here, I can tell this story. He used to tell me that he always imagined when he was like going

somewhere and he was holding in his shit. He always imagined it as like George went at a big lever holding back and just, I can't hold it anymore. Yes. Somebody get somebody else on this. We can't do this much longer.

And it's kept, it stayed with me since I heard it the first. I think about it all the time. And sometimes I will just say to him like, oh man, sorry I was late. George Went was working overtime. And he lost the battle.

He did. Luckily, there were only two people in line, so I wouldn't have to be there long. I felt a gurgle in my stomach and pressure build in my bowel. it's a fart right I just pooped twice

there's nothing left in the tank it must be a fart it was trust a fart okay no especially you gotta be careful once you become an older man yeah if you're dealing with liquid down there you really can never trust it

I clamped back down as fast and hard as I could but the damage had been done no one's got that quick of a trigger finger my friend no nobody's good like that there's no Jesse James out there for this stuff The concierge waved me over and I

quietly spoke to God for the first time in nearly 30 years before taking three stiff agonizing steps towards the desk. Oh, I remember Steve's warning about

rollout. While the concierge was running the transaction for the tokens, I surgiously checked my person. Thankfully, my shorts were not spotting as far as I tell. However, I had felt a trickle down my leg when I walked to the desk. Oh, God. I pretended to glance down at my shoelaces

and I saw three horrific light brown drops on the prison aisle floor. Between my feet. I was mortified. Yet also slightly relieved that that's all that had escaped my underwear. So, so, so it's like holding it all in like a bra down there right now? Yes, just like, come on, just please.

Oh, and then why? God. It's dripping and dropping. It sounds like he only, he, the drops is stopped. This is the extent of the drops, it seems. But it is true juice. About this time, the aroma was beginning to waft, and I realized I had seconds before my crime would be noticed.

Oh, quickly thanked the concierge for the tokens, and walked to the elevators trying to be as natural as possible, while also not disrupting the wretched water, You know what you do? Oh, no way. If someone looks at it, you go, I sweat brown. It's a weird medical thing. My father's sweat brown.

It's, you know what? It's, it's been muddy out there, hasn't it? It's been really bad out there. Yeah, I know there hasn't been rain in five days, but, you know, it's pretty muddy. Yeah, this weather smells today, huh? Pretty bad. Was that wrong? The shit on the floor?

Because I have to plead ignorance. The last hotel that I stayed in, people were shitting on the floor in the lobby every which way. they asked us to do it. They really, they were all about it. Could you point me to your bed of leaves that you probably have laying around? Yes. The elevator was mercifully empty and I jammed the closed doors button

all the way up to my floor to prevent anyone else from joining my increasingly fragrant ascent. Oh, God. I power waddled to my room and climbed directly into my room. to the shower, close and all. I barely paused to take off my shoes. I showered, shat, showered again, then did my laundry.

Hong Kong health and safety laws don't allow pharmacies to stop pepto. Jesus Christ. Why? Come on. Come on. So I had to get more local remedy. It worked too well, in fact. Given the choice, though, I much prefer being stopped up instead of the

flowing free. I agree. Yep, exactly. 100%. Oh my God. I managed to rejoin the tour for the rest of the trip, however. However, I always had to bow out mid-afternoon as my medicine was wearing off and I didn't get to enjoy a happy hour until the very last thing.

Well, at least you got that one. I had one at the very end. Yeah. Several days later, I nearly cry when I finally took a solid, fibrous, satisfying shit after playing Russian roulette with toilets all over,

Southeast Asia. So that's it. My story of shitting myself in public. I hope this doesn't put anyone off traveling to Asia. It's not Asia's fault. Well, I mean, the food a little bit. It's an awesome place to visit.

And despite it all, I've been dying to go back. JP from NYC. Thank you, JP. Oh, J.P. Wow. That's bad stuff. Glad you made it, buddy.

I've been in the situation. I've got to tell you, mine was not even nearly as bad as this. This is real bad stuff. I would be deeply embarrassed by all this. Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you want to share what happened to you. Well, it was just last time we were in Toronto, I had a stomach plug for about two, three days.

I was held up in a Toronto hotel room, just barely holding things together. I did, I must have figured out some system to work it out because I didn't even have, I mean, I did have Pepto and Emodium. but after like the first like two days I was pretty good after I had to make my stops like the man here but I at least had control over the situation after about two days so I was thankful enough for that I got to see most of the movies I wanted to see

I think I mentioned this once before probably a few times once I was driving across the United States and let's just say I had to spend a few days in Amarillo Texas in a motel and I was like in the tub and I was like how is it

and I mean it was like this was like a both end situation and then like in the tub afterwards I'm like how does how do I feel like the water feels like the rum

the splash I feel that internally and it was a terrible time you were triggering to Bruce Davidson next man you're just slowly turning into a water balloon I was that you told me that was Norovire

I don't know what that was. My brother wanted me to go to the hospital. I'm like, no doctors. Veterinarians only. It was probably was because it put me out for quite a time. The rest of the drive, I was like feverish and just drove, you know, back from Texas to New York while I was sick the entire time. Oh, boy.

Oh, no. Scott Blackmire comments. New Orleans, Mardi Gras is not a place you want to have this happen. Don't ask how he knows, though. We won't. Well, use a different name and email me right now. Just to get, get, yeah, yeah, da, I know, it's embarrassing. Just use your, guess what, you're mat.

For this, for these cases, you're mad. And what, what email address is that they could submit to? That is, we all hate movies at gmail. There you go. There it is. You might be on the air in a future installment of mailbag. That's right. That's right.

We like doing these. So, yeah, get those letters in. weird stories, hot takes about movies you want us to weigh on, weigh in on ages old family arguments about movies or television. We'll settle that shit for you. Don't worry about it. We love doing that stuff. And, you know, every once in a while, some relationship advice.

Yes. If you can promise that you've searched everywhere else first. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. That is going to do it for this edition of the mailbag. But before we go, yes. Yes. Well, I wanted to really quickly mention, I mean, JP, you're a traveling type of person. You're, you know, we're traveling to Vegas from New York.

That means it's possible for you to do that as well. And I am sure they have PEPTO. They do. Oh, yeah. I can say, we were there recently and I just have it there. I always like to have it in my little case, Justin. Well, you know what? I always like to have just in case is tickets to these shows in case I'm in Las Vegas.

So that's Thursday, August 6th, that's 730. We'll be talking Star Trek 2, the, wrath of con Friday, August 7th at 1030. That's going to be the late night show. We'll talk about Kaka there, some more. We're doing Star Trek Generations. And Saturday, August 8th at 730, we are talking Star Trek first contact. Hell yeah. It is going to be a lot of fun. Tickets are on sale now. You can just go over to our website, WHM Podcast.com and get them there. But fellas, I think that's, we're going to have to close down the mailbag here. That's all the letters that have been selected to be read today. But thank you so much for tuning in or re-watching or downloading the audio. After the fact, share this around. Mailbag is always a lot of fun. Until the next time, I've been Andrew. Eric Sisker. Chris Cabin. Have a good afternoon. Bye-bye.