We Hate Movies - S17 Ep886: Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

“They’re making sure you got every dumb detail of that first movie” - Andrew on the opening flashbackOn this week’s show, we’re chatting about the second entry in the massively successful sci-fi horror franchise, Resident Evil: Apocalypse! How janky is the CGI on those Licker monsters in the church? How hard is it to say ‘Raccoon City’ with a straight face? Shouldn’t the Raccoon City News be hosted by cute, little raccoons? How many people remembered the story from the first game? And could Nemesis have pulled it off working for MI6? PLUS: The season 17 start of the VHS Trailer Game! Resident Evil: Apocalypse stars Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Oded Fehr, Thomas Kretschmann, Sophie Vavasseur, Raz Adoti, Mike Epps, Sandrine Holt, Matthew G. Taylor, Zack Ward, Iain Glen, and Jared Harris as Dr. Ashford; directed by Alexander Witt.This episode is brought to you in part by HIMs weight loss. Visit hims.com slash WHM to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. That’s H-I-M-S dot com slash WHM! Hims.com slash WHM!This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money! Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney dot com slash WHM! That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the program, we're talking about a film that Roder Ebert called, quote, an utterly meaningless waste of time. That's right. It's Resident Evil Apocalypse. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Sisko Apocalypse. Resident Cabin. And we hate movies.

We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a title of one good scare. Sometimes. That is better. Time to keep your appointment with the Wickham. They're coming to get you, Barbara. Does you see one too many movies?

Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos for creative. An excellent day for an exorcism. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine pot, as always. That's right.

We're getting the horror juices going early. The spooketackageers not here just yet. The horrible juices. Yeah, the horrible juices is more like it. Yes, Resident Evil Apocalypse from 2004, directed by Alexander wit. Like your dad cooking a turkey, the horrible juices. But sometimes that's good. Sometimes dad doing the turkey is not bad, but this is always bad. The horrible juices. The horrible juices. I did not have a chef dad. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Coming up after the game, it's Chef Dad. John Favro back at it again, but for television. He finally failed enough. No one else from the movie showing up on Chef Dad the show. By the way, Andrew, you started the show with an Ebert quote. Yeah. And you didn't even have to resurrect him from the dead like that boomer Bill Simmons. Dude, that is some sacrilegious.

Oh yeah. I can't even like my sack. That's what it can do. Just finding new and inventive ways to make me like AI less. Somehow he did it. Congratulations. You got to work hard at that. Holy shit.

Because also like, yeah, what would Roger Ebert have thought about one battle after another? I don't give a fuck. He's been dead for fucking 15. years or whatever. The Pod Wars start now. No, they do not. Find your camp. I just think that that's a real fucking grave robin thing. It's disgusting. It's very weird. It's awful. It's awful. Because he would have probably

a completely different opinion on everything. Because it's not real. Fucking AI. It's bullshit. It's just combing the internet. If you want to fucking talk to him and hear what he thinks about new movies, go to heaven. I'm not telling you how to do that, but go to heaven. Let's get Pauline Kael Ba in here to review American wedding. How about that? Pauline.

What do you think about the shit eating? Or do a fucking full-on seance. That's the way to do it. That's right. Get a whole, a circle around. A cult is due for a major comeback. So you open the gates of the afterlife and summoned me for my eternal resting piece to ask me what I thought of Resident Evil. What was the last one in 2016?

I can't believe there's six of these fucking movies. I'd look that up to me. I better believe it. Is one of them the Scorpion King? Dude, that's the crossover event of the direct-to-streaming. Oh, my God. Oh, I did they all come out in theaters. These, I mean, these sort of kind of all-made money.

This one, I looked it up, $125 million at the end of the day. Not bad. Around the world. Speaking of money, get ready to make none when I hit play real quick. Oh, yeah. Coming soon. You can feel it. It's the BHS trailer game, ladies and gentlemen, America's favorite game about obsolete materials.

It is a game that Hollywood legend Bruce Stern once said. It's a game that four simpletons can play at one time. That is right. And we are those four simpletons. And we're going to do our best to make it through this game without any incidents, even though at Melrose Place legend, Thomas Calabro once said, Probably have gas issues. Yeah, we probably do have gas issues.

It's a farty trivia game. We like to eat. This is. You're staying away from beans now, Thomas? Season 17's premiere of the VHS trailer game. Everyone's back to zero. Tune last week to see Andrew, covered in glory as we covered

Halloween 3 as a redux. Thank God I was just covered in glory by the way. And he fun a cameo by Thomas Glover, also Andrews Choice. That's kind of the stakes here. They're incredibly low. Really? So rare the steak is? Yeah, the steak is rare. Let's just say

I want enough money from the VHS trailer game to get a really cheap cameo. There you go. Heavy pink is what you're looking for. As you always do, FYI, this was the last Resident Evil movie released on VHS. So there you go. That's sad.

What a sad. Yeah, we wept that thing. So round one. Oh, yeah. Okay. Game Masters Kalu. Okay. A rom-com about a man they call the date doctor.

A megastar team of T. Oh, God. Everyone did it at the same time. I'm going to be honest and say it was Eric. Yeah, I think I saw Eric. Hitch. It is Hitch. Yeah, of course it is.

I mean, that was people at all. You saw this happen. This was like, you want to go horse crosses a line. You got to take the photo out. We should have the camera going at this one. Just to pull real quick. I mean, just for... Everybody wanted to say Hitch as quickly as they possibly could.

Still have never seen Hitch. Obviously, it's Dayton. Oh, my God. It would be a fun movie to talk about. It's not awful. It's a watchable, like, hotel TV movie. He gets the nut in the end? I think so, yeah. He's knotted before. I mean, it's not... It's not a 40-year-old version. Does he have like a Paul Blart daughter or something?

I don't believe so. I don't think he's got kids, but it's confirmed he's nutted before? Yeah. He's going after... Ava Mendez in that movie? Is that who's who Smith is going after? Oh, that's right. So who's the victim?

Some blonde. Yeah, some blonde tall lady. She looks like Elizabeth DeBecke before Elizabeth DeBecke. Oh, that poor woman. BED before Elizabeth DeBecke did. Okay. Here we go. Round two.

All right. I forgot what we were doing and I was almost like, oh, look it up on IMDV. No, I won't. Oh, right. Get your josevich, huh? Get your buzzers ready. Oh, my God. We'll have to find out who the blonde lady

wasn't hitch another time someday. Game Master's Clue. Another J-horror remake. This one brought an American TV star of a spooky show to Japan to show just how spooky it gets over there. Another J-horror remake. This one brought an American TV star

Andrew Jupin. The Grudge. It is the Grudge for five big points. I couldn't think of it. Sarah Michelle. Yeah, I knew Sarah Michelle. I'm sitting there and I'm like, the fuck was that call. If I saw that, it was so long ago, I don't remember it.

It's sort of weird to, I think like obviously the ring, you know, they move it all to the Pacific Northwest. It's like the American remake. It's sort of weird to just bring it American over to Japan. I'm like, ew, this is weird. Yeah, you got to do that. You know, bring the story here. Exactly.

Because that's what they did similarly with that Jennifer Connelly J. Horror remake Darkwater, I think it was called. She's living on Roosevelt Island, the most wanted place in New York City. That's where I got a little confused because Joshua Jackson, I believe, is the lead of Shudder. Yes. Yep. I remember the last shot of that movie very well. It fucking eeked me out.

It's an eerie movie. Okay. Here, round three. Three, okay. Game Master's clue. Roger Ebert has the full quote. This is a real quote? It's a real quote.

Roger Ebert has a full quote in the trailer calling this sequel, the best superhero movie ever made. And yes, Chris Cabin. Spider-Man, too. It has to be. It had to be. It had to be Spider-Man, too. Look at that. You can quote them without making.

We're gonna go through a quick bonus round. Okay. Uh, sci-fi sequel. So this movie's a sci-fi sequel. Spider-Man's a sci-fi sequel. So I'm going to give you the year and you have to, it's gonna be, no one's buzzing and I'm gonna go Andrew, Chris and Eric. One at a time. Okay.

And I will do it. I will give you the year and know it's a sci-fi sequel. It's the number two. It's always a number two. That's good to know. Okay. the year and you can either ask for the tagline or the

fifth bill act. So wait wait, you're saying that this VHS tape had three sci-fi sequels on it? No, no, the bonus game. Oh, it's a bonus and the rules are changing. These bonuses have turned. These bonuses were literally happening in the last season. Oh, I wasn't paying attention. That's why you lost.

So here we go. I'm a gas problem. I'm a gas. If you get it right off the first one, you get three points. And if you need, if you need the second piece afterwards, you can get it for one point. Okay. And then if you get nothing. All right. So if I, so I have to pick one or the other. Yes. Three or two. Tagline or the fifth build actor. Okay. And then you'll get three points if you get it off

the first thing. If not, I'll give you the other one. Give me one for one. There we go. And you're first. So Andrew Jubin, round one for you. 1997. Do you want the first, the fifth billed actor or the tagline of the film? Oh, Christ. sci-fi sequel number two 1997. A dose that dropped in 97. Ooh.

I think it might already know what it is. But let's go with the tagline. Something has survived. The Lost World Jurassic Park. Excellent. Okay. 2013, same question. Tagline, fifth build actor.

Number two, sci-fi sequel. This is me again? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to alter Andrews and then I'll do Chris. Oh, okay. Well, this is a big. It's a big and, all right. I'm ready.

2013 sci-fi sequel, so it was a dose in 2013. Oh, my God. This one's probably going to be a little harder. Let's go with the tagline again. Beyond darkness lies greatness. Boy, 2013. Beyond darkness lies greatness. Is this, oh, I don't know, attack of the Titans?

It is not attack of the cut Titans. You're out. All right, that's it. If you wanted the fifth-build actor, you would have, out it was Carl Urban because it is Star Trek Into Darkness. Star Trek Into Darkness. That's a terrible tagline. And I forgot. I totally forgot that I could have done the other one.

Too fucking bad. Yeah, that's right. Live and Learn. 1992. Okay. 1992. Oh. Oh.

I can't wait to whiff it every single one. Let's try the fifth bill this time. Big mistake. Earl Bowen. My fucking son of it. 92 sci-fi sequel. I'm just going to say what? Yeah, number two. You don't have to guess.

You can also get the tagline if you want the tagline. Oh, okay. Yeah, so let's do that. Tagline is this time he's back for good. 1992, Earl Bowen. This time he's, don't forget Earl Bowen. He's back for good.

Is it Batman Returns? It is Terminator 2 Judgment Day. Who's Earl Bowen in that movie? He is the doctor, the psychiatrist there. Oh, okay, sure. Now I know his name. Chris Cabin. Okay, I'm next.

All right. 2002. Tagline, fifth build actor. Give me a tagline. Time to put on the last suit you'll ever wear again. Oh, easy. Is it? Yeah.

I'm going to get none of these. Oh, really? Oh, damn it. You want the actor as well? Hold on. Give me one second. Earl Bowen. They're all Earl Bowen.

2002, what was going on? Oh, man. Give me the fifth. It is Rosario Dawson is the fifth build. actor. He gets Rosario. I get fucking Earl Bowen. Time to put on the last suit you'll ever wear again. Previous episode. But it's a sequel? It's a sequel. It's a sequel. Because I'm thinking of

a different movie. Yeah. I think Chris is the same one. No, I'm not that. I mean, like, I am really. All right. We're going to call it. Yeah, men in black too. Oh, shit. I was just stu-devil. Oh, she's the young. Oh, okay. Is she Daredevil? She's in the Daredevil TV show. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking too much. All right. 2018. Okay. 2018. Tagline. Fifth Build Actor.

Let's go with Fifth Build Actor. Charlie Day. Charlie Day. Sci-fi sequel, 2018. 2018. Oh, I know this. I'm going to guess this. You go for it.

Pacific Rim Uprising. It is Pacific Rim Uprising. The harder we fight. I think that's the only one I got so far. Good, good job, Eric. Last one's on your turn. Last one for Chris. 1986, taglines.

Six. Fifth Build actor. Oh, a dose in 86. Sci-Fi sequels. Come on, Big Daddy. Give me the tagline. This time there's more. This time there's more.

Which could be the sequel for any movie. I was going to say. All right. So we got the tagline for the sequel, right? It's this time there's less. Some there's more. Do you want the fifth-billed actor as well? I'm not sure if that's going to help.

It might. Rosario Dawson. Lance Henriksen. 1986, this time there's more. Lance Hendrickson. You got this. No, I do not. Also previous episode. It's not the one I was thinking.

Recently played Manhattan on 70mm. God, there's more now? There's more. From once, now there's more. All right. No, I have no idea. Aliens, 1986. I knew that one too.

There's more. Okay, so Eric Siska. 2003 tagline 5th build actor tagline you are not here to make a choice

but you're here to understand why you've made it ah that sucks what the hell is that I know this previous episode well they're all previous

I really 2003 and what was it what was the tagline you are not here to make a choice but you're here to understand why you've made it do you want the 5th build actor

yes I do Jada Pinkett Smith Jada Pinkett's Oh, okay Wow There are four of these There are four of these With movie star Jada Pinkett Smith

She's in some not all Some of them, not all of them Oh Earl Bowen I don't have it, just move on It's Matrix loaded Oh wow All right

Okay Here we go 2009 Tagline or fifth build actor Oh yeah it's me again. 2009, let's do tagline. Only one team will transform

your summer. This sucks. This is a terrible game. Who's going to transform your summer? The fifth build actor. It is John Totoro. Ooh. Who will not. In a sci-fi sequel

from 2009 and they're transforming my summer. They're going to transform the whole fucking hot tub time machine. I don't. Transformers are. Oh, God, dude. Fuck that. This one I think you're going to get. This one I think you're going to get.

1990. Tagline or. Tagline. Invisible. Invincible. The ultimate hunter. This time, Los Angeles, 1997. Predator 2.

Predator 2. The billed actor would have been Bill Paxton. With a bow and gravy. Hell yeah. That's fun. I like that. Okay. I like that.

So this is a sequel that start. We start with a previously on Residate A good two and a half minute or two. They're making sure you got every dumb detail of that first movie, man. And I have to say, I was like considering trying to rewatch the first one. Oh, thank God. Didn't have it. You know, didn't have the time.

I put this on. I'd never seen it before. I put it on. I was like, oh, good. A refresh. I would argue it doesn't really matter. No. I don't think it weighs in on what's going on here at all.

Can I say that I think this movie is much better than the first movie? I agree with you, actually. I had kind of fun with it. It's not good by any stretch of the imagination. And the action is kind of migraine-inducing because of the cutting and it's really bad. It's really bad. But it's dumb. And you know why?

Because it doesn't think it's a horror movie at all. It's like it's a, here's a dumb, stupid sci-fi action. I mean, you're exploring outdoors versus hallways and the outdoors are cheap as shit. Don't get me wrong. But I mean, the thing is is like a, this is just the way I am and I know people's flip on this. I am more forgiving of a stupid action movie. than I am of a stupid horror movie. I don't know what it is with me.

I like the fighting. Maybe it's just the fighting. Because I essentially don't, I think these are equally bad in my head, but I enjoyed watching this more than the first one. I agree too, yeah. I honestly don't remember. And the funny thing is,

whenever we did that first movie, for whatever reason, I never logged the rewatch on Letterbox. I know I don't like it. I know I saw it in theaters the one time and wasn't crazy about it. this was just so stagnant.

This was like looking at water in a bucket. There's no energy to any of this movie. The action is fucking D-O-A in my opinion. I'm sitting there. Dude, she's fist-fighting this big dumb-ass thing at the end of the movie. And I was like, if I was with other people in the room, maybe.

Me and my dog, no. You said it all. I think we can just conclude this episode here. I got to say I give it a half extra star because the nemesis looks dumb as shit. much fun to look at. Call him by his, that is Matt. Excuse me.

My name is Matt. My favorite thing about that guy is when he Kool-Aid man's a wall, whenever he goes right through a wall. He's kind of like BDSM Robocop a little bit. You know what I mean? Like he's wearing like a fucking apron. Like he kind of looks like a

fucking garage sale centipite. For sure. And this apron, like it should be a thing. I couldn't help but thinking about onslaught. I was like, this guy should be called like the butcher. like one of those names. Just like because we're kind of they don't because we're saying Nemesis program. Yes.

But they are hesitant to call him nemesis, which the video game series does actually do. What I need is more of these guys. I need you to get me. I don't care if it is just a sent a bite rip off. Do that. I don't care. I need a couple of these fellows. The little skittering guys around the church, I'm like give those guys like a minute to be looked at and like make some some,

some makeup to make it so that one can stand up and look at them for a minute. Because that's all I need. They're not confident in the CGI of those things. That's why they're shitting the dark ceiling of a church the whole time. But yeah, so this whole thing we see like this. I like the one thing that's kind of neat is like the suburb of Raccoon City. What's really neat is Raccoon 7, the local news channel. I just thought that was nice to see that they have their local.

And my God, Terry Morales. By the way, 6.25 a.m. Living and breathing, Roger Eber, when he wrote that review, talked about how stupid the name Raccoon City is. Yes. And he's so fucking right. Well, it's hard to say Raccoon City with a straight face, isn't it? How would that be a name of a city?

It's cute when it's a video, again, like, there are certain things in a video game that you can get away with. When an actor has to look at you, but we have to get out of Raccoon City. That's how you knew that last one was really going to fucking bottom out immediately. It's calling your movie Resident Evil, welcome to Raccoon City. I forgot about that. I was like abandoned ship. So like the new Crager movie I guess is not using

very excited for it. Not using like the video game lore so people are being pissy because that's what they do. They get pissy. If I was hired to direct this, I would be leaving Raccoon City on the day. I do think that Raccoon City is in the movie.

I think that he's using parts of the lore but they were like, why aren't using this character or that character? Because he doesn't want the movie yet. Because he has his own ideas. Just fucking leave it alone. He's going to make a good movie. Leave it alone.

You've had six bad ones. Yes. You got all the Raccoon City you got. Hours of this piece of shit franchise. Dude, are you kidding me? Let this dude have a new idea. For all I know, that new one is terrible and you were right. Welcome to Raccoon City's wonderful.

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Wagovi is the registered trademark of Nova Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, Wigovie clinical study information and restrictions, visit Hymns.com. It's very disclosure day, the news report. You get this weather lady. I just kept thinking of Disclosure Day. Yeah.

She's talking about like the heat wave. And it two degrees out today, I reckon city. Think about like a bird that has like no feathers that is like sick that flies in and talks to her. That could be like disclosure day meets resonant. and evil. Did anybody read on the trivia, like, why they have that heat wave line? No.

Because, like, I guess somewhere along the way, somebody was like, in that first movie, they ain't sexy enough. What? So then they're in, like, I guess one character is video game accurate and the other one's just not, but still scantily clad, I guess. Jill Valentine is a seal new Gilroy's character is in whatever that. The one that's just like Laura Croft at a Halloween party. Maxim cover come to life.

It's ridiculous. Why aren't they? their panties. I don't understand it. It took me like 15 minutes to realize that's a different character than Alice. That's a different actress. Yeah, they look very similar. Yeah, they do.

Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. What was I saying about it? Oh, welcome to Raccoon City. Because the reason why this woman says the thing about the heat wave is because Milojov, they were like, why are they scantily cut, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, well, if it was hot out, they'd have to be wearing that stuff. So there's a fucking

heat wave line put in, according to IMDB. I don't know if someone ripped that from a commentary or what. I think I spied a man in a jacket in this one. He has quite a few men with long the pants on. They're not all wearing jorts. Yeah. Well, then they filmed this in Toronto and it was called as fuck. I'm sure it was.

I'm sure it was. They all got screwed over. But I do like the whole thing. Like, it's this nice suburb of Recru City. And then we like go underground. I like that shot of going under. The entrance to the hive is right there. We have a lot.

Like, the forest was like underground, the hive. We get a lot of like disclaimers or what do you call the, this is where you are. Like markers. And then you get like, the such and such Ravensgate Bridge. I'm like, that doesn't, I don't need to know it's Ravens Gate Bridge. Well, no, I need to know that because in Resident Evil who gives a shit, there was one level that they said that. Exactly.

You got to go to the Ravens Gate Bridge and now it's there and I'm elbowing my buddy in the theater. And didn't you read it? It's the only way and we're out of Racken City. But that's a mess that they make for themselves because it's not with the car or like the umbrella corporation like does that they're like yeah everything it's just the bridge now so they all got to go to the bridge or whatever you know how about calling it like oh we're down in the rc you know oh yeah i see for kansas city oh yeah totally let's let's allow me to spend three hours expanding to you how important it is well hr raccoon founded raccoon city both uh he was a man

who had a raccoon wife um as well it was a very disgusting mayoral run we never liked seeing them at public events. Right, they left Springfield to marry their raccoons. It's disgusting. But you mentioned the raccoon city news or whatever. Yeah. When they was like, Raccoon Zootie News, like you hear it before you see it and I was like, please

let it just be a little guy reading the news that's an adorable. I hear raccoon city news. I'm like, oh, welcome to Raccoon City News. This week, dumpsters being raided all over the city. Or something. If that was the change, Craigor was defending all the time, that would really make me happy.

Talking animals, dude, absolutely. Get Bradley Cooper back voice in a fucking raccoon. Why not? But there's still the umbrella corporation, I need to know what their books are like. They're like, we need to keep fucking around with this T virus. And there's like, they go down there and some guys like, I think there's only one zombie. Oh no, it's overrun by Zambi. There's the one guy like they opened the door or whatever.

Is that zombies yet, though? He gets fucking got by like a monster. I think it's one of those like red because you see like a, the teeth and whatever. Yeah, yeah. guys are liquors, FYI. Of course they are. Why are they making liquors again? I know liquor would be great to me. Because look, here's the thing, you're waging war on some place, right? You get a couple of liquors in like a plane or something. Fly over, dump them liquors down. What is the world of Resident Evil? Are we at war? Are we making this for any fucking reason? Any time that doesn't matter.

If it wasn't in the game, don't think about it doesn't matter. Super science is always like, It's for military reasons. Don't worry about it. It's like, well, yeah, their faces are. Look, the idea that nemesis himself is like this super soldier is very funny to be. Like, is he going to do espionage? Like, you can only really use this guy for so much, which is to say dropping him onto the battlefield. Exactly.

And he just like merks dudes. But yeah, he can't be like romancing a sexy lady at a fucking evil guy's. Exactly. There's some evil guy's fundraiser or something. He can go in. Sis, nemesis. Pig guts, ground, not splattered, please. Yes, that's me, Matt nemesis.

Yeah. Oh, my God, does somebody clean you? The smell that is coming off your backside. I run a local oil concern. I'm not with the umbrella corporation. They really should have just done like a take two with this dude. Because when he mutates and like his head clearly has split open and they've just lazily stapled it back together.

No. Come on, man. No, thank you. This poor guy. I'm sorry, sir, you're going to have to leave the Baccarat table because you have staples in your face. Where do you mean? And then the bathtub woman from The Shining could be a nemesis girl. This is my girlfriend.

Rotten vagina? Yes, yes, perfect name for her. Table for children, please. Someone's killed rotten vagina. And I'm going to find out who. have an uncooked steak in your garbage. Please bring that out for my lovely lady.

Is that a money penny? It's like rusty coin. So, yeah, the idyllic suburb that we started with has a bunch of fucking RVs racing through it. We see these umbrella guys pick up some scientist lady who means nothing to no one. She's in this scene and then the last

scene of the movie literally. I can hear there's been an incident three times in a I guess we're just showing what Jared Harris should have done, which is just leave with these dudes that he would have been all right. Just leave with these dudes and they didn't have to be biting major cane as a zombie. We have to save his eerie, bitish daughter, who I guess was the computer program in the first movie. Is that right? Yeah, the Red Queen is designed after the daughter of the creator of the T-virus. You got to remember, there are many thrilling sequences of him searching things on the internet and through databases.

with the world's tiniest glasses. I mean, they're barely covering his eye sockets. I thought half the lenses broke. Anyone would see this on Amazon? Yes, I guess. So the description on Amazon was like, Jared Hare. No, HBO's Chernobyl's.

Joe, the league of a rogue team through. They're like saying it's like Jared Harris' fun Saturday. No, that's fucking. I was kind of excited for a second. Of course you would be. It's Jared Harris leading a movie, even if it's this? Let's go.

But there's barely any Jared Harris. No, I watched it on Shutter, and they riffully were like, here's a piece of shit, you're ready to watch it? I got this on Shutter. I'm a bitch fucking paid to rent it on Apple for nothing. I know, it's there, baby. Yeah, just watch fucked me. They always find, I don't trust them anymore.

You have to look. I mean, you got to open the thing sometimes, right? Yeah, no, I do. Oh, I didn't. I don't trust the letterbox listing anymore. Oh, you don't? Okay, that's, I always use letterbox. Oh, letterbox maybe has a, oh, you.

That's what I've been using them. Uh, yes. Um, yes, is it to be Jared Harris, your cue. This toilet paper that you use is exploding. Where's my garbage truck? See, it's first you see you might just think it's a normal roll of toilet paper, but you can unscrew it and there's a grenade inside. We need you to infiltrate tromaphil, you see.

First of all, I don't use toilet paper. Second of all, and I hate to do it again. Where's my garbage truck? An Aston Martin garbage truck. I have a license to nauseate. Vomit, shaken, not stirred. Thank you. I'd watch whatever this turn.

I'd definitely watch this. He walks into a casino. Everyone's like, oh, it's supposed to like, shit. These are the ideas that Amazon MGM is throwing around for the next bond. A dinner coat that's now stained. It's like permeating sweat. It was white when I know it's a white party. It was white when I started wearing.

All my juices soaked through. Unsurprisingly, the pits were the first to go. Double, you didn't wear your tactical diapers. You'll see the brown stain in the back of your trousers. So, yeah, one lady scientist down, Jared Harris, hey, there's been an incident we got to go. He's like, I'm not going anywhere without my daughter. And then they're like, don't worry, that's been handled.

Dude show up at this girl's school. Get the girl. Take her in the car. Instantly teaboned by a cement truck. A Stephen King cement truck had a... I don't know what's... What's their story? I have no idea.

It's not even like... Nobody even knows that the city's under siege yet, so it's not like, oh, in a mad panic. You gotta get down there and fix that fucking sidewalk I told you last week. Oh, I'm gonna get fucking fired. Oh my God, did I just tee-boned an SUV? It doesn't matter. I'm going. Keep going.

It just sets up the movie, but you need to set that up a little bit, right? Yeah, you got to have something. Like, what... Because you are... I guess if you think about it, like, it is... that. It's the freak out. But like, we haven't seen the freak out yet. And like, it's just that and then

no more freak out for a little while. So it doesn't feel like the madness has truly started yet. Because I think what we're putting together here, it's a not well-edited move. No. Because also with this part, when the T-boat, because it's like a, you just see this line of the black SUVs, right? And then

it just cuts and one of them gets T-boned, but it's so badly edited, you can't tell right away that it's the car carrying the girl. I will say, was surprising, so it was sort of effective, just because it was loud. Yes, sure. Anything to wake you up. And it's only like seven minutes into the movie.

Speaking of waking up, here comes Milojovich, naked on an examining table. I think this is a deleted scene. Every movie with Milo Jovovich starts with her naked in a medical facility. It's all Lilo Dallas multipass with this lady. I think if there's a deleted

scene and dazed and confused where that character wakes up naked. In a medical center. Well, Led Zeppelin is playing in the background. Can't forget, though, that in between Alice being revived here and the T-boning is the... It's just... We're doing a lot of this in this movie. 13 hours later.

Hey, fantastic. Who could care with the numbers? This is the introduction... Unlucky number. That's also true. This is the introduction of Jill Valentine, who is this... There's all these, like, news clippings in her own house where it's like disgrace. She got duped.

Something, something. read in the internet that it's possible what those news clippings are referring to. She's a character from the first game. Correct. So it's possibly setting up that, oh, the first, the real good movie happened in between this movie and not? No, I think it's before the first movie. Oh, I see. Like the mansion incidents or whatever.

Yeah. Fame journalist duped. I would like to see it. I would like to read that. And so she like sees what's going on on the television and she goes down to this police station and there's these, this is where we first see like real zombie action happening. And she just starts shooting these zombies in the head and all these cops are like, hey who's firing a gun and she's like I told you they were infected and I'm like what is any of this? What is any of this? This is why I was like

oh look it's Alice and she's got a new look so why does she know to shoot the zombies? Whatever happened that we haven't seen again in a cross cut for 4.4 seconds if you couldn't if you didn't pause it to read all those newspaper clippings

we don't know why she knows I also love we talked about the outfit it's ridiculous but she knows she's going into a zombie apocalypse. She dresses herself right here. Exactly. This is like, you know, it wasn't like John McLean had his shoes off and then all the shit went down. Like, you were at home watching TV. You could have put sweats on. Or I would say leather. I would wear leather pants, leather jacket. I'm going out like a

biker because zombies can't bite through leather. That's uncomfortable. Yeah, the leather pants is giving me pause. It's a hot day. I'm sweating already. You see the weather report? Do you see Raccoon City News weather today? It's going to be hot as fuck. Try keeping an under. underwear in place with something like that.

It's just not possible. Yes, Nemesis, here's your trademark leather apron for you to wear. Could you get me in the back first? You see, Nemesis, there's his family in Texas we need you to check out. Have a panache for the chainsaw. On it. But this is your introduction to this storied video game character of Jill Valentine. might I suggest

just a quick extra take on this line of I told you they were infected Oh yes, yep A few more takes with this actress Also, I'm sorry I know it's in the video game And I played the video game

And I actually remember this character From the video game Sure stupid name Jill Valentine, yes Valentine Yeah, that's not the best of all right In Raccoon City Dude yeah Jill Valentine

Moving to big old Raccoon City baby Yeah that's a sitcom I wouldn't watch Me, Jill Valentine. She's immediately fucking dead. Oh, you want to get to know her? Too fucking bad. By the way, if we take two on everything, Sienna Gilroy says, we might be here all night. So, you know what?

Sometimes you got to call print even though you're not thrilled with the tape. I'm sure she's a very nice person. Speaking of people who, it's surprising, was not dead immediately. Mike Epp says LJ right here. This dude being harassed by, like, zombie sex worker while he's hand. cuffed to a bench and she like she pulls the gun and he's like oh no this woman's going to shoot me and then

she shoots the handcuffs off which you're a cop take the fucking handcuffs off normally what are you doing blowing this guy's ears out because she's like everybody has to get out of here right now goodbye everybody yeah okay cool now we got Mike Epps in the movie thanks for nothing

well Mike Epps is like desperately trying to be in this movie and like he keeps getting lost along the way it's a comic relief to a fault somehow. It's just like a little too much that you are just there for the audience, which I guess something has to be for the audience. For the first 45 minutes, he's driving

alongside the movie and then he's part of the team at some point. He does, aside from his wardrobe, he doesn't have a superpower. He's not a police person. He's not Alice with the T-virus thing that she's got his custom gold-plated handguns, though. I guess that is it, but we barely get to see him. I don't think he even really gets to use it at all. His power is his comedic reaction? They apparently wrote this for Snoop Dog and then he'd

dropped out or something. You know, probably better without him. Yeah. That's way more of a distraction. Snoop Dog's good in certain things. Like, what was it? Training Day he's got. Bones.

Soul? I mean, he's a good presence when he actually like likes the material. But Mike Epps can just blend into a movie and like be in the movie. If Snoop Dog is there, Snoop Dog is the movie. I had the least problem with Mike Epps. Oh, absolutely. I wanted more

Mike Epps. It is hilarious him at the end the movie in the suit too. But yeah, so Alice wakes up screams immediately. She is totally naked in this empty hospital. And there's a lot of, I believe this was a lot of the advertising for this movie. It's on the there's Milo Jovovich like wandering these

empty Toronto streets and everything. I like anybody catch the day of the dead reference with the newspaper. Oh, is it a dead walk. I know her walking out of this hospital was a clear 28 days later reference. Oh, God, yeah, it's got to be. But yeah, the dead walk is the

same headline at the beginning of day of dead which is pretty cool and there's all these screens because we're living in a screen age now boy I heard bad things about that screen age but like all this stuff is reminded me of better movies don't remind me of better movies exactly we get this so we see there's some cutting back and forth to that famed

raccoon city bridge this dude cane and all these guys are closing it down you're seeing the people like getting angrier and angrier as they're trying to get out of the city one by one Evil German Thomas Kreichmann. Yeah, oh yeah, dude, here he is. Am I playing another Nazi scientist?

Okay. I like this guy when he pops up and stuff. You know, he's just like a serviceable German character actor. Come on, just call him Adolf with a P and an H. Just, dude, have some fun with this. Stop with this nonsense. You couldn't resist the evil German. You couldn't resist the plucky Soviet officer later on.

What is that guy's dude? I didn't notice that those two dudes were Russian until like way after the one guy from the Titus sitcom had been. talking for a long time. Yeah, because he doesn't have a lot of dialogue. And then, like, in the middle, when he gets a full sentence, oh, he's Russian. Okay. Yeah, that's an interesting choice.

And he was the middle Titus, right? There's an older and a younger. Stacey Keach and then Titus. Stacey Keats would be Titus Prime, I assume. Okay, so he's the youngest Titus. Stacey Keats was the father, you see. I thought there was a younger one after him. What is the youngest one?

Middle Titus up to today. Christopher Titus? He had a special recently. I follow him on Instagram. He's a good follow. It's genuinely like good person. Being reasonable is not going to get you much attention. Exactly.

We do have this sequence that I think is kind of interesting. And it almost feels like it's like a like a proof of concept for like another movie or something like that. It's like the woman running up the stairs in the office and she's being chased by all the zombies, which is pretty cool. She's trying to get this like code for the roof door to open. And there's a nice bit of tension here. She's like fighting off the zombies. They bite her. And then she gets the code, which is unfortunate because now all the zombies are out on this roof,

which is nice. Well, this episode's brought you in part by Rocket Money. It's getting towards that time of year again. The stress, my God, the stress. I don't know about you, but, you know, I'm trying to have a nice weekend. And I'm constantly thinking about all these subscriptions that I haven't canceled. What's hitting my bank account next? Your finances can be overwhelming.

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That's RocketMoney.com slash WHM. RocketMoney.com slash WHM. which stands for we hate movies. Now back to Resident Evil. But here comes Odid Fair doing like supermission impossible nonsense. I don't need a motherfucker jumping off of a helicopter, shooting zombies in slow motion. That's why it's just this weird horror action.

I don't know. It also doesn't make sense. Like you're part of this organization. You understand your own admission. I'm not saying follow your orders. I'm saying like, why would you jump off of a helicopter with a bungee cord to save one lone office worker when you know there's bigger fish to find? Who's probably bit anyway?

Like, hey lady, you bit down there. And then she is bit already. So it's a waste of time. She immediately kills herself. So like, what the fuck? What was the point of this? Doing your little matrix move with your guns. He goes down there.

Nikolai, Titus Jr. goes down there as well. And then, like, they're now AWOL essentially from this unit. And she just immediately says, I've seen what happens when people get bitten by these things. There's no way out. She jumps off the roof. Great call. And then cool concept.

One of the worst reaction shots to watching someone. jump above a roof. And then you see just like the little mark of her down there. You've got to do something more. I did, throw a dummy off a bridge. We would do it for 40 years at this point. How about fuck with the sound design? Maybe a big thud. Maybe a squishy thud. Something would be nice.

And there's money here. There's not a ton of money, but I can tell there's a little bit of money here. Multiple real-life helicopters in this movie. Real deal helicopter rental fees. The zombies that were chasing her seem to have a similar reaction. Like, Damn, why should you do that? What the fuck? Oh, I should try to eat you instead.

So Jill gets to the bridge and she's got a little team here. There's this other felon. Payton, I guess at least in the Wikipedia summary, he's our ex-partner. Sure. Cool, right? He gets bit like immediately, but keeps fighting the good fight. So you can, like, that's, I guess my problem with watching so much like zombie stuff is like just all the telegraph. Yes.

You just, okay, so there's going to be a. scene where eventually we're fighting over whether or not she's going to fucking kill this guy and she'll say something to the effect of when the time comes I'll do it and wouldn't you know it that's what happens a little bit. I'll get Farah's also bit on the red her might you know you don't know there might be a cure out there

there might be and right before you know something of a no no he's that sorry. Crachman is like listen everybody return to your homes because this is it where you're locked in here there's no way off you might as well go inside your house where it's safer because there be zombies out here. I'm a little

confused about, I mean, a lot of things, but is the umbrella corporation like, oh, shit, it's a spill? And then they're like, we can now test the nemesis? Or was this all a ruse to test a nemesis? These are questions. I think it's like, let's use this cock up to our advantage. I think is the idea of because. Let's see what AI Ebert would say. No, but like, it's, I mean, real life, Ebert posited the question in his review of like, And how exactly do they make money off of getting everyone killed with this virus?

Great question. And the answer is the Vax. Oh, right? Netflix special, win. Give it to me. I said it. You know who's not vaccinated? Nemesis.

Not fax. Not going to die suddenly. That guy's got the T-Vi is fucking raging through his veins, dude. He's like 90% T-Virus. Yes, it's true. I am just T-virus. It's 100% anywhere you prick. So Jared Harris refuses to leave in like some tent or something.

By the way, Jared Harris is disabled and in a wheelchair this movie. Why? Because I believe he did not want to stand up in this film. Yes, I'll be there, but perhaps I am wheelchair bound, you see. Hold on, fellas. Maybe there was a guy in the video game. That's very much. I have no idea. If he's using the computer soft, wouldn't it make sense for him to be sitting always? That's just how those people are. What if I never stood?

And what if we did this all on Sunday? And I could be done on Monday. I'm a good actor. I've seen the drivel. I've been the script. I could do this at a day. What's this here of a scene with my daughter? Can that be on the phone?

I have a phone here at my house, you see. I could just use that one. You know, when my father, Richard Harris, you might know him as Dumbledore. Wee. The OG, not that piece of shit who took all. for him. That's scab. Look, I've marked up the shots here.

We could start at 10. We could be done by six. And then I'm clear. I've done most of your work. And that's what my father, Richard Harris, would say, is done by six, we're all rich. I know it doesn't rhyme. It's close

enough. But it's a good one, all the same. So he's like, look, I refuse to leave without my dirter, not without my dirter, the Terrence of Phillips story. And Kane, Thomas Kreuteman's character is like, okay, fine, then we're just going to fuck off and leave you here. I'll get in my helicopter and have a good day, sir. The people that are around Kane and these like underlings, they're not those full military garb guys,

but these guys are in like these red, these black suits with the red shirts or the red ties. Yes. They look like waiters in a very expensive restaurant that isn't very good. Like you know what I mean? Sometimes restaurants are very expensive. Like Trump Tower or something. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes.

Sometimes very expensive restaurant can be very good. Thinking too much about the wardrobe, not enough about the food. I got you. You are concerned about the service presentation, not so much about the food presentation, you see. These chicken nuggets are terrible. So he realizes that his umbrella credentials have been canceled or whatever. So he uses his daughter's credentials that she has for some reason.

Is that because she's the computer girl? Possibly? Yeah, it's kind of like how Dave Thomas' adopted daughter, Wendy, could eat at any of those restaurants. free the whole time. This girl gets login credentials for fucking that would be great. The umbrella with Alice with her face on it. Yeah, exactly.

Make it less scary, not red queen's ship. Just this little girl. Hi, rec. Or umbrella corporations. Seth, could you fill an entire bag with just chicken nuggets? Wendy's here. She just likes a bag of nuggets. Sack full of nugs, please.

She's taking those outside and underselling You understand? She's selling those nugs for cheap. She's eating it over the garbage can. It's really quite disgusting. Oh, she could be a nemesis girl. Oh, really? Yeah, she could.

Oh, look at that lady eating over the garbage. She's not even getting all the nuggets in her mouth. My God, does she sexy? I would like to dumpster diving you. Somebody put on some DeAngelo. I feel like me. And yes, I do call it making love. Oh, you've met my number two, Nemesis.

Yes, trash nuggets. I'm great at playing craps at the casino. That means taking a shit. No, Nemesis, we keep telling you. It's the dice game. Trash nux, could I take you to the dump one of these nights? Dicey shit. Now, Nemesis, there's a river of slime in New York City.

It needs your attention. Oh, I love to swear. I'm gonna make this Dat Your Liberty Dance. The dock backwards also going on. It's a movie no one knows about. Quite a lot is happening at the same time. What are gross things that you're going to infiltrate? Street trash, absolutely.

There are homeless people being turned to liquid form, you see. Street trash. You have to go look into it. You know what? Taste pretty good. This is mounted down homeless people. It's kind of tasty. Uh-oh.

Memisessus. You're in most of Larry. Cohen's Phil, do you understand? You know what? He's a real genius if you get to know him. Okay, Nemesis. Criminal mastermind, Bilal is trying to take over them and have to shop houses, you see.

You have to go investigate them, each one. Oh, blend writing. Oh, I love that. Him playing Bilal at a three-card Monty. You are quite a basket case. They keep accusing Bilal of cheating because they keep your hands out of the baskets. You're looking at you.

the cards. I know you can speak English. Just say something. Stop screaming like that. Secret Agent Nemesis. We're just going to talk about this for the rest. I like this. One monster yelling to another monster. I know you speak English. Whatever. They say everybody has to leave in five seconds. They really meet it because they say, I think we could. stop pulling some punches. I want to see them fire. They fire into the crowd. We don't really see it. I need to see people getting hits. A couple of heads popping here and there. The Romero

movie, the Land of the Land of the Dead. They do start popping people. Yes, exactly. Yeah. This movie could have used the spine of that movie if we're trying to do any of that. But, you know, that doesn't happen. We go back to Alice. She finds a gun and clothes store really

quickly here. I do like the shot of her with the shotgun or whatever, which is kind of cool. But this is where we see she starts Come on down to Mandy's Gunn and Panty's store. That's better than what it is. It's a Fremlins surplus. And I'm like, are you making fun of Gremlins? It's in the game.

Oh, is it? I have no idea. This is where we see. She starts having flashbacks and you see the procedure that was done on her by a mysterious man that will meet for two seconds at the end of the movie. I wish it's two seconds. This guy's in like seven minutes and each, it's a stinger scene that takes up about 15 minutes. of the film. Is that the Game of Thrones guy? Oh, Coliseo.

That guy. Yeah. Joramont. No, no, Jorah Mormont. Yes. Chateau Mortmont Hotel. Played by Ian Glenn. Oh, yes. I think you're, yes. That sounds right. Iron? I think it's Ian. Whatever. No, it's Ian. He was saying, I was starting another sentence, you see.

Because I've never seen this movie before. I watched the first movie and I was like, no, thank you. and never watched it. But like I caught some of this on sci-fi. And if you asked me last week, oh, what's Resident Evil Apocalypse? Oh, that's the church one. I thought this whole movie took place in this church. Because when they get to the church,

it sort of makes sense to be like, and now we have to defend the church. Well, church is generally in stuff, a lot of the last stand or the evil dies here. Because I saw like four seconds of this at a church. And I'm like, oh, it's got it's the church one. See, I was about to say, I'm very happy I watched this today.

because it is a movie that is expressed on the way out of your brain as soon as it is fucking watched. It's got to be a day of affair if you're talking about it. It really does. You can't touch it. Now, isn't there, there's one that takes place in sand or something? Do they go out west? Afterlife. In the next one, they're trying to get to like Vegas or something.

I forget which one that is. I don't remember any of these details. I thought Apocalypse was like, well, look at that. The whole world's sand. No. So I thought this was like. I think eventually it gets to like the world ends. But they mean like zombie apocalypse.

Yes. We have to get from Raccoon City to Badger County. It just sounds like a frontier land. Oh, Troubocko City. Trouble down in Raccoon City. We're up here in Badgerton. We never had any trouble.

I'm going to go to Dingo Lake. Yeah, Badger County. We mind our own business up here. We don't go messing around with no weaponized viruses down there. No, but my wife was eating. by zombie. Well, you know, I'm not originally from Badgerton. Thanks for asking him. From Wolverineville. Welcome to Wolverineville. It's not what you think. Population, me and my family. Which is planifle and yes, I'm married to most of them. We run the post office and the grocery store and the

mechanic. I'm also your mayor and senator. And soon I'll be your living, God and it's a cult. I'm buying the gas station next week. So this is, yeah, Jill and Co. get to the church. Yeah, Sergeant Wells. This dude Raza Doty playing this guy. He was in

like Doom and Black Hawk down. But Doom specifically, not this guy's first rodeo with video game. I mean, very doom with nemesis and all this goblin stuff. And there's a nervous guy there that we got to care about. Nervous guy who's like, he's like

an Alan Tudik stunt double. Like this guy, I don't even think you get a name on this guy, he's dead in seconds. Because he's like, oh, you know, find your own church or whatever. Like, oh, that's kind of fun. And then like, again, like, the editing is so poor. Like, Jill, like, leaves and like a reel is missing. And then she goes

into this room where, like, this priest has his own sister tied up. Like, what movie am I watching right now? And this is, this is the part where I'm like, oh, like, I pricked up a little bit here. It's a cool idea. Here's this priest. His sister has turned into a zombie. Help her. And this motherfucker

is feeding her. Yes. Which is great. I mean, that's the thing is you, if you centered around human, human emotions like that of people trying to have, I know like Jared Harris wants to save his daughter, but that's not enough. You need someone to actually care about another human being. And this character, this priest that's a throwaway, is the only

one I've seen really do it. Well, it's an idea. It's a creative idea. But again, this movie, I think, unlike Craigor is, does want to be more like what the game is. So it's like, let's go back to those things. let's not spend too much time on something like this whereas something like 28 days later

would take time to play with this idea and really have fun with it get to some of the emotions underneath because it's like 80 seconds this whole sequence where she's like you're feeding your sister that's sick and then just shoot it's dead because it's the guy's like please don't narc on me I know it's fucking weird and then like

the sister gets up from the chair somehow and just bites this dude immediately and that's the end of that you don't even see Jill like take that dude out like you gotta shoot that priest in the head Who are they going to bark to the umbrella corporation who are going to look at us and be like, it's pretty cool. You've been feeding people to your sister. That's pretty cool, man.

Somehow, we have royalties. Every time somebody is bitten by a zombie, we make 18 cents. Don't ask how. Don't ask why. I want that priest who got his daughter to eat people. I want him in charge of one of my units. We should say also at this point, we've also gotten into the group of Sundry and Holt, who plays Terry Morales, I think is another video game character.

This woman was in the shrouds among other things. Oh, that's what she is. Yeah, she's the rich lady in the shrouds. The journalist that's carrying the video camera. Yeah, the little handy cam. And she's filming stuff. And it's like, what's that? Well, if we make it out of here, it's my Emmy.

Well, I mean, and she's also a character. You know what I mean? And she dies very unceremoniously. This is a zombie movie. I get it. But like, if I have to choose between Jill Valentine, Alice, and this journalist character, I want to watch more of the journalist character. Each is the best actress of the bunch.

And B, she, like, has motivations and thoughts and feelings. There's a goal there, yeah. As opposed to be in bad ass and having her ass out. We've trashed found footage a lot on this show. We kind of praise those elements and backrooms on our commentary track on our Patreon. That's available soon. But, like... No, it's available now.

It's available now. Oh, yeah, baby. But I wouldn't, like, I wouldn't mind seeing more of this, like, in that mode of, like, here's her footage of what's going on. It can be done well. There are times when that stuff is done well. The record movies, the first two at least, I think, are really good versions of found footage as full movies as compared to just these one little nuggets. I was trying to think, oh, the way that the news footage worked, and there's kind of an interesting thing. But of course it is just like shoehorned at the end of the movie where you realize, like, they get her tape out.

And it's, yes, it's part of like her filming and everything. and then also like this vlog that Milo Jovovich records at one point. They send it to the news. And I like that idea of like the news reports on and they're like, holy fuck, look what the umbrella corporation did. And then as it plays, you see the news media switch the story to, oh, the people at the big bad company told us that was a hoax. And we, of course, believe the big bad company.

What's this? Terry, what's this? Oh, no, I was also, I was in New York for the Cloverfield thing. I got a little. You fast forward through the Cloverfield stuff. It's fine. Yes, that's right, nemesis. There's a big guy in New York.

Oh, look into it. Came down from a comet, don't you see? I do love it at the ending, because we'll just talk about it now. When she does the, when they're taught, the news is like, oh, and an ex-ancher woman, Terry, such and such, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, she died. She didn't get fired. Like, you can't call her ex. Former?

Yeah, it's odd to be like. You wouldn't call, like, what do you call it there? Edward R. Morrow and ex-newsman. No, he died. You know what I mean? She got picked apart like ribs by a bunch of fucking children. It's the only scene to do. Let's a little.

I think is this movie's 86 minutes before the credits in. Yeah. That's the whole movie. Yeah. So there's not much. So anyway, in this church, they fucking killed. The liquors come out. Yeah.

They look like shit. They look terrible. Fake Alan Tutta gets it like immediately. We start trying to shoot at these things. And then, man, I, there is a limit to how bad ass. something can look before it is just embarrassing and hilarious. I'm sorry. Her coming through the

stained glass window on this motorcycle is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen in my life. Holy fuck is it dumb. It's very poochy-ass. It is. Look how fucking cool this character is. It's very video game cutscene, you know? And now, you know, they kind of made her character, I guess she's sort of like Ripley

from Alien Resurrection. Yeah, because she's got the T-Virus and she's all manipulated. They didn't give Ripley four different entrance scenes. Jesus Christ. And she like saves the day and everyone's like, wow, that's really cool. And like, how does she save the day? Talk about how stupid this is.

She shoots everybody, no. Oh, no. She fucking makes this motorcycle, room, room, room off a ramp or something and hit this liquor. And then she shoots the gas tank of the motorcycle and blows all these things up. All in this church, by the way, take that Jesus. Well, on one of these liquors there is crushed by the cross. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Saying something there. Saying a little something. Just these big old CGI tongues. It looks awful. Did I catch a predator laughing there? Like, one of them makes a noise and it sounds like the hur, I can see that. I wish that lovable Oaf showed up in this.

Jill Valentine with one of the worst line deliveries of, Who the fuck are you? Oh, isn't that bad? I can still smell it. I'm Alice. All right. And the one guy, left of the dude. I was like, yeah.

Alice through the stained glass. Wham-W-W-W? Super cool. Oh, and like all these games, I thought this was actually kind of funny. I do like the they fire wildly at all the things or whatever before she does the motorcycle move. And they're like, oh no, we're out of bullets.

We got to get more ammo. And I was like, just like that frustrating fucking game. You better not save your game if you're low on ammo, folks. I mean, you guys want these movies to be accurate to the game lore. Why aren't, why aren't, Why am I not moving a file cabinet for like an hour? Totally.

I got to inspect a bookshelf. See which one opens the secret passage. I've played Resident Evil one and two and I am done. Are you spending 20 minutes looking for a key? I got to say, as if not. Did you play that remake? I did. No, no, it's a Requiem.

It's a new game for on Switch 2. It was fun as fuck. You really went through fast too. You really liked it. It's really cool. Okay. Speaking of other video games, Mike Gapp's driving over some zombies right here. He yells out GTA, motherfucker.

10 points. But then he sees those topless zombies and like they're the heir to the O'Henry Bar Candy portion. He catches a car. Dude, he is considering an evening with these zombie prostitutes a little longer

than he should. Oh, that's tasteless. You just see some dead tities and you go crazy. Come on now. They're women. They're nemesis girls. That's just the nemesis that I come with two dead zombies on one arm and totally. How to get the babes back

in your life. I mean, we need disgusting bond like super nasty if we're not going to do it with a monster you need like a fat pig. Wait, wasn't that what they tried to do with that Larry the Cable Guy spy movie? Yeah, kind of sort of.

Wait, what's that movie? I think it's him and Jenny McCarthy? That's a witless protection and no, he's not a spy. No, there's another isn't there a movie where Larry the Cable Guy is like a secret agent? Did we make this up? No, no, it's a real thing. Is it a real thing? We did a second one. What's it called? We did two Larry the Cable Guy movies. We're done with

all the Larry's, I believe. But there was one where he isn't witless, that's one, but then there's a number where he's a spy. Because there's, he's stupid and they crash in Mexico and think it's the Middle East. That's Delta Farce. Jingle all the way, too, which is not...

There's no fucking spy movie. There's Health Inspector, Whiteless production. Oh, Health Inspector. He's kind of a spy. Shut up. No, he's not. He gets in a spy adventure. He turns kind of into a spy. Yes, that's what I'm thinking of, because there's, wasn't the poster like him with a gun kind of like back to back? And that's the one with Jenny McCarthy in it, I think. No, but Nemesis. Yes. Mayonage. Rot, not fresh. Here you are, Mr. Nemesis. Hey, cool. Someone's ordered my dish. That's what I was

get. How cool? Are you going to get microwaved Kohl-slaw too? Oh, man, I tried to wear Nemesis's outfit. It didn't fit me. It's a little small. Would you get a little bit more mold on this bread? I don't like the fresh stuff. I don't want to complain, but I can't eat not moldy bread. By the way, guys, here's your Wikipedia plot summary for your spy Larry the cable guy movie. Larry, a municipal restaurant health inspector, is assigned a new rookie partner after recklessly closing restaurants for code violations.

And together, Larry and Amy worked to solve a series of food poisonings at four-star restaurants. That's your spy movie. A little bit of a mystery. That's something for a nemesis, I think. This buffet is in clear violation of all the health codes. Not nearly enough schnaut at your buffet. They leave the church pretty quickly and unceremoniously. They're just on the road in a graveyard.

They go to a cemetery eventually. And the thing that you're reminded of right here is one of the reasons I don't like when there's no real reason for everyone. in the movie not to meet each other at the movie. Yes, for sure. And this is like, because you got O'Ded Faire's team and then you got our team with Alice and everybody. And it's just two movies. And the thing is

they know that the story engine is with Allison Co. Sure. So you got O'Dad Faire and the two Russian guys and I think there's a larger team as it starts, but like, they're just walking through the streets killing zombies. Every time you cut back to them, it's just that in like a different

Toronto intersection. Some sub-mud vein new metal going on in the background. Well, you got to have it. And those guys are not even recruited until Jared Harris sees them on like a closed circuit television and calls a cell phone nearby to get them in on the scheme. Much like Joey Pants and Midnight Run, he's getting two teams. He doesn't want to just to Alice. He's got to get another one in on that.

He does want to make sure the job is done. That's true. But Dead Faring crew, they do request like a chopper evac, which we see later. they get ignored, which is kind of funny. But yeah, we are walking through a cemetery with Alice and everybody. She's given her backstory here. And I'm like, the movie started with the backstory. I don't need more of it.

I just, I truly don't need to hear it again. But we go through the whole thing or whatever. And then this is, this is the conversation. Oh, Peyton, you were bit. You got to kill him now. I'm not going to kill. If that zombie scene happens, then all the zombies raised from the grave, which seems not like a T-virus thing, more like,

You're in the wrong movie, folks. I was like, what are we doing now? The T-Virus rained down. I see. Return to the living dead. I think the funny thing is, dude, if the trivia is to be believed, it's the reverse of that, and, like, under that cemetery was supposed to be part of the lab and the gas fumes got up or something.

Can I see there? Can I see there? Yeah, as opposed to, like, just someone guessing on fucking IMD about it. Like, yeah, show that happening. Have a little effect shot of the gas, like, leaving the, the ceiling vent. Right. Maybe like zombie

you know fucking umbrella co like technicians down there in the tunnels and then the gas rises above the yeah. Instead this is just when Bart and Lisa raised the dead.

Did you crash the car? No. Did you raise the dead? Yes. But the car's okay. And the action just sort of like and again I think that I don't like this movie but I had more fun with it than maybe others. The action's bad and it's like it's just

the quick cutting every single time a gunshot goes. They've got no confidence in any of the action choreography that keep cutting away from it. The only thing in the cemetery fight that's worth anything is Alice does this back kick move and kicks this zombie in the chin like she's a fucking horse. I don't know how Mila got her leg up that far backwards like that. It is an incredible stunt. The, I mean, this movie's directed by a dude who is a second unit director who never really was more than that. He didn't direct a movie again until 2013 or some shit. It's not super competent.

You didn't Paul W.S. Anderson say what you want. Yes. It'd be better than this. He's competent. The man is competent. Yep. After that horse kick, we go back to Major Cain and wouldn't you know it? It's time to activate Nemesis.

Oh, shit. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Nice. There we go. Nemesis doesn't make a ton of sense because he's just, why does it need to be so hulking and gross if he's just going to use guns all the time? Because I think the. the thing was he it was an accidental mutation they never

because like he and Alice got the same thing she became a superhero and that happened to Matt that's gotta be that's gonna annoy you like so you look like meela Jovovic and I look like where are your face staples my favorite thing about that scene when they activate oh sorry you're oh negative and she's

a positive that's just how it works your nemesis that's your brand what I like most about that scene is It comes in and it's like, boss, the T viruses at critical levels here. The infection levels is critical. Cut to the screen, infection critical. I'm just like, come on. Come on.

That's because that's how you know that dude wasn't lying to him. And then immediately, yes, like activate nemesis. And nemesis, they can kind of control him at this juncture. And he's like, again, Robocop-esque. He knows how many people. Because Mike Epps finds his way into a police. station or a stars station. No, it's an abandoned movie theater filled with those agent dudes.

Stars. We keep saying stars. What are those again? I think I wrote down the acronym. Special Tactics and Rescue Squad, I believe they say. Stupidest, tedious assholes. This is the only stupid. Ruining movies?

There you go. Oh, there's no M there. This is the only star in this movie. I'll tell you that much. So these are the motorcycle helmet guys? Or we get those later? Those are motorcycle helmet guys later. These guys are more just like looking like regular cops.

This is like the dude shooting the zombies on the roof and whatever. I mean, the motorcycle helmets never make sense in science fiction. No. He can't see shit. It's like, it's nighttime. It's night time. They're not on a motorcycle. Also, may I remind you, you're not on that motorcycle.

Equilibrium was full of those. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. The sword can't go through them maybe. Or there was gun caught. There was both in that movie, guns and swords. Both, yeah. Inventive.

So here that. He's got, he's walking around with a bazooka, but he takes out a gatling gun, shoots all these cops, takes out everything. And like the predator, ha, ha, ha, ha, Mike Epps is viewed as a minimal threat and he drops his gun. Yes. Yeah, we should say, much like it's a predator terminator combination thing because it is like heat wavey, kind of looking like predator vision, but there's also data being given to him. And yeah, it is a like Mike Epps low threat, drops the guns, no threat at all. Because the order by this general cane or whatever was to kill the Stars guys. And so he's not one of those dudes so he doesn't qualify.

Like, interesting thing here. Testing Nemesis is like, oh, stars is so great. Let's see how they do against Nemesis. Yeah, yeah. If they're the best guys, let's see how they do against our guys. So this is, it's later that a cowboy sniper comes in. No, this is a cowboy sniper. This is right here.

I was like, well, who the fuck is this guy? Like, what the other? He seems like a character that should be in the movie. They introduce this guy as if he's going to have somewhere between 15 and 20 lines of dialogue in this movie. There's about four and most of them are what? I also love it. It's like, oh, let's see how you do against Demesis. No, he's just got a chain gun.

No one's going to win against the chain gun. It's got nothing to do with the guy. First of all, he's got a rocket launcher and then the chain gun. The guy on the roof gets rocket launcher to death. And then he pulls out this big marfucker thing and just starts going at this movie theater lobby. To Demesis, that's his Walter P.P.K. It's a small gun. Yeah.

Around here, Jared Harris tells the crew that, like, there's a way out of the city for all four of you. There's going to be a helicopter. A five kiloton nuke. That's the funniest line of the movie because she's like, it's Alice and Jill. She's like, oh, yeah, they're going to nuke the city. And Jill's like, what? With what caliber is like, five kiloton. Fuck me.

And I'm like, what answer would have been okay? They're going to nuke the city. It's a new. It's just one kiloton I could have handled. Exactly. One kiloton I could have gotten out of here in time. Five, isn't that a bit much? One kiloton, I have a lot of sunscreen.

I would have been okay. Right. And they mentioned, like, oh, their cover story would be there. There's a meltdown at the power plant because the psycho killer got in there or whatever that. Oh, yeah. I want to rewatch that movie, man. I feel I like it more than I did. What movie?

Psycho killer. It was sort of a nuke angle to him. Oh, got it. He's directed by the guy who wrote seven. Oh, that's the movie. Kevin Walker. Okay. We hated it, but now after watching Resident Evil Apocalypse, a fucking masterpiece.

That was fun, bad. Yes. I had fun watching that bad movie. I did not have fun watching this movie. I find this movie fun bad. I do wonder if when Jared Harris took the Chernobyl assignment, he was like, this is quite like a Resident Evil Apocalypse, isn't it? Corey's never thought about this ever again.

I don't, it's either I don't remember or it's the Michael Kane. I bought my mother a house and I know. what that story, that kind of deal. Paid for my dad's funeral. Payed for the fucking bar bill at his dad's funeral. I don't know if you got it. That's a lot of money. But it's crazy because this, so this is it.

This is now finally, we have the protagonist and her protagonistist gang. Sure. Not just wandering the streets. 40 minutes into this movie, we have a story engine finally. And Mike is still not with that, by the way. My guy is still riding on alongside. the movie. Yep. Because we

haven't even crossed paths with O'Ded Fair and those do, so it's like we got three strands of characters and nobody's talking to each other. But yeah, so 40 minutes, you know, until they get this engine. We got Alice versus Nemesis briefly. Nemesis has hopping on cop cars and

things like that. Oh, right. When she does a, she does a, um, there's like a matrix jump. Yes. He's chasing her over the fence or whatever. Yep. My fingee. Why does she get to be a sexy? lady and I have to live every day like this. I mean, we have all the

same moves. I can do the same cool jump over the fence that she did, but I look like moving, talking shit. Is it because my name is Matt? Is it just a difference between a Matt and an Alice that turns me into this pus-filled monster?

It's because my name is shared with one of the apostles, is it not? This is the sequence of a Kool-Aid man's through a wall. Yes. Oh, yeah. But you know, Obviously, nothing ends with a resolution here. They both, it's like a stalemate. Well, she looks, he shoots one of his rocket launchers. She goes down like a garbage shoot and like hides in a dumpster and that's okay for the bazook.

I'm like, I don't know if that works. Yeah, it's like a plastic thing you'd like push laundry in. God, I wish that was me. I missed it in the comfort of my garbage so much. Should say he's not a zombie yet, even though he's been bitten and we've had the conversation, but Nemesis shoots the shit out of that Peyton guy right. Oh, yes. He gets fucking chain gun to death. It's pretty awesome.

But first, like, when he's turning, like, there's a little conflict with Jill Valentine. 90-pound Jill Valentine throws this giant dude off of him. Of course. But, yeah, she does the, like, the Super Mario jumps over the fence or whatever. There's a lot of, right here specifically, I think they were, like,

this thing looks stupid when it runs. Yeah. Because any time Nemesis has to do any kind of, like, motion That's more than like taking a step anywhere. We're doing bad music video slow-mo, like stutter frame kind of shit. I'm like, God damn, like that. And then you're hearing like new metal sometimes while that's happening.

Dude, what the hell? I will say, because it doesn't look very good. It's a junkie costume, but it's so much better than if it was CDI. Oh, yeah. Compare Nemesis to the liquors. At least like I'm like, I could look at nemesis. I make jokes about nemesis. I don't even want to talk about the liquors.

No, no. You're totally right. It's a real suit. And, you know, it's dumb looking. but it's very detailed. They took a lot of work like making it. And I guess again, Apocryphal maybe the people who

designed it like after the shoot loved it so much they like cleaned it up and like fixed it from the shoot and it's just like in their office. Now that now we're talking. Imagine walking in for like a job interview and just nemesis is fucking looking at you. It's our beautiful Matt.

Alice goes down the garbage shoot and then you see this like again a little nemesis vision. It's like disengage. And he just kind of like takes the rocket launcher out of the garbage shoot and walks away. I'm going to leave this act of the movie. I'll see you in the next act. It's been a lot of fun. See in 20 to 25

minutes. Her missing the finger though, yes, the broken finger. That was the ekeest part of the movie for me. All this other stuff, whatever. That fucking finger resetting. It's relatable pain. You know, end of world zombie stuff.

been through that one yet. Fingy hurt. Yes, I've been through that one. So Olivera and Nicolai and the other dude who's pretty much near death realized at this point, like the chopper flew over, dumped a couple of cases into the hospital and then drove off without them. And so O'Deddefair has the kind of cool line. We're expendable assets and we've just been expended. And then you find out that Nicolai was rushing the whole time. Like, oh wow. How that's that? So named Nicolai. What? But yes, this is when Jared Harris tells them also about the school. We kind of all meet up at the school and various. The biggest, the single biggest junior high school I've ever seen in my life.

Holy shit. This is like Charles Xavier's mansion. It looks like the one from the faculty a little bit. Oh, I can see that. I was a little surprised. Yeah. And I love it. It's Jill, a super soldier, Alice, a near godlike being.

And Terry, who's like, I don't know how to fire a gun. I'm like, all right, Terry, you go on the top floor. Jill will take the middle floor and just shoot any bad guys. You'll be fine, right, Terry? think they met up with Epps now too. Yeah, somewhere around here, Jill and Terry run into Mike Epps. And so now part of the movie has bonded to the other part of the movie. Now we just got a third thing we got to figure out here.

I'm going with the fucking God lady. No, no, no, no, no. Terry, no, no, no. You know what? I heard something skittering and whispering up there. Why don't you go and find out what that is? That's really important. We need you to do that. I like, so they all split up here.

Mike Epps goes into like the science lab and gets scared by a Skellington in the closet. And then there's a zombie right behind him, though, which is really great. But O'Dedad Fair, now these guys get to the school. O'Dad Fair shoots the zombie, saves Mike Epps. Oh, yeah, you got hired by Jared Harris, too? I guess we're partners now. Life was so much easier when I was just hunting fucking mummies. Fucking nonsense with zombies.

Quickly mentioned it is a Rayleigh actor playing a guy named Carlos. Carlos Olavera. People were quite okay with that at the time. I think we're doing it less so without these days. I like O'D Dead Fair as an actor quite a bit, but you know what? There were folks out there who could have played this. Of course, yeah. Because this is apparently a video game character, so you can't change the name if you

wanted to be the characters. So just make it look like the guy. I think there's at least a few Latino actors. I've looked. Oh, yeah. You think? Somewhere. I keep hearing it.

I hear about them. So Terry goes into this room and she sees a little girl. And she's like, oh, yeah. Oh, here's she. Come on. We got you. You dad's got us out of here. I'm an eerie, bitish child.

But uh-oh, this little girl is actually a zombie. And then all of these little kids zombies were like hiding in this classroom. There's like 20 kids that come out of nowhere and fucking gang this lady. Someone just break a twig? Hello, weapons. It's incredible. They just fucking take this lady down. And there's a great shot.

She drops the handy cam, of course. On the floor you're just seeing this lady be eaten. Oh, it's kind of cool. Oh man, but yeah, so Jill Jill finds the actual girl. She's like, you can't help your friend now. I've seen what they can do. This girl's clearly traumatized.

They eat reporters mostly. Oh, those things are in here. This is kind of a great moment. Those things are in here. And she's like, no, they're not. They're outside. No, not them. Them.

And dude, we got zombie dogs right here. The last movie again, dogs based in marinera sauce that are just hilarious to look at. I will take it over CGI dogs, man. Where are these dogs property of the school? That's a great question. Where do they come from? They smelled kid meat.

They were just roving zombie dogs. It smelled kid meat. Totally makes sense. Roasted kid meat is very good, for dogs especially. But we get this big fight sequence with the dogs here. You know, Nikolai starts holding his own. Starts being a braggart a little bit. And he gets got over that.

It's kind of a Jurassic Park thing. It's a Jurassic Park thing. Jurassic Park Raptors in the kitchen. Yeah, he's got, he fucking thinks this dog is dead and he goes, stay. And then like another one gets his ass and this dude is just eaten by zombie dogs. And then like when he introduces himself to, was it Jill? Yeah, I believe it's Jill. Yeah, it's just like, like, at your service, this then.

Yeah, and then he instantly gets eaten by dogs. Save the girl. I've got this bitch, he says. Yeah. But what I love here to do, we're hiding in the kitchen. And one thing Jurassic Park did not have was a zombie lunch lunch. lady hiding in a cabinet. Oh man, this fucking thing crawls out

behind Jill. It's pretty awesome. Good neck break here. There's a couple of good full on head twists in this movie that weren't too shabby. She hits one of the dogs with a walk which is very funny. And there's gasoline. She turns the gas on the stove.

She's running out. The match doesn't work. I feel like, by the way, the stupid ass move to throw a match. Yeah. It's going to go out. Yeah. Well, you got to make sure that whole matchbook is lit, She does not do. It's the one match and she throws the whole book. I feel like with that much gas in the air, the second you strike the match, you're all exploded.

Sure, yeah. Well, because, I mean, what Eric said exactly happens. Like, it goes out with the match. It goes out when it throws it. But then we get the, let me see here, the sixth entrance by Milojovovich. It's a movie. This is another way to introduce a character. She throws a cigarette and explodes.

And puts a burn blanket over at the same time. Can I hear Michael Mancini once more? Oh yeah, let me cue that up for you, Eric. Probably have gas issues. There you go. This one's in this kitchen has and that's why it explodes. The apocalypse has some gas issues in it. They try to turn me into a nemesis, Kim.

We get a little fucking backstory here about Angie and it's, oh, Angie and Alice are both infected. And it turns out this whole thing, Angie was like a sickly kid. And so Jared Harris tried to develop a cure to help her why she was on crutches or whatever. And that's what the T-virus turned into. I can't bear to watch my daughter and crutches. Let me destroy the entire world. If she needs to use crutches, the world must die. It is my great shame that she wear crutches.

I cannot live with it. And she has to get like multiple injections a day. That never becomes part of the movie of like, Yeah. She's almost low on injections or whatever. Just find Dr. Kvorkean. He's out there. He's someone out there. We got to find him. I'm bit. And they're like, ah, here you go. He's a medicine. There is a great mic. I should have told me you were bit, motherfucker, which is great.

So Jared Harris calls again and he's like, okay, I have a way out. Now that you have my dirter, 47 minutes. This helicopter's taken off from City Hall. It is lightly guarded, so you'll have to deal with whatever. is there, but that is the last helicopter out of Raccoon City. Saigon. I mean, raccoon. But yeah, so Major Cain, this is the fucking stupid. Major Cain is behind Jared Harris while he's like giving all

the information and he's like, computers so unreliable. Just like people. When Jared Harris is giving them the information, you see shadows moving around. I literally just thought oh, they just forgot to take that out. It's a Cree guy. It's a PA moving the donuts from one

I literally thought like, oh, that's a big movie mistake. Oh, no. They did it right, okay. So do they inject O'Deddeh fair with this antidote right here? And it's never a problem. He's good to go. On the way, on the way we see Alice film in the beginning of the movie. Yes.

Does this protect me from mummies as well? Zombies and mummies? Because that would really help my business. Oh, the mumby vaccine? The mummies. Yes. Zombies and mummies, you are covered. Stay away from vampires, though. They don't get any of that juice in there.

Nemesis has been a mumby outbreak. I guess I'm going to Egypt. He's not like a safari hat on that? Well, see, that's the thing. Nemesis goes to Egypt and just like any, you know, tried and true James Bond film, he will get to Egypt, and it will be cultural insensitivity out the ass. As he comes off the airplane, walk like an Egyptian starts playing.

Don't invite Nemesis to any more office karaoke Can't carry a tune in a bucket Do you want another sugar cube For your team nemesis No garbage please More garbage Used spaghetti if you would

Keep it coming Two loves of used spaghetti I'll tell you when it's enough Cigarette ash sprinkled on top So yeah we're gonna go lay siege to these dudes or whatever. There is a guy who's got Olivaera in the crosshairs

on some roof. Milo Jovich sneaks up behind this dude. I don't understand why we are running down this building like it's Batman. To just get the drop on three dudes. It's like this bungee cord, but she's running down the side of the building.

Yes, like Batman 66. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of those like, I get it. trying to make like an action, horror, spectacle, whatever. But this is like, why would, what the fuck are you talking about? And it's cooler in Tenet. Like, just, come on.

Tenet's another thing we're doing. Yeah, some vertical running. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she does beat these dudes with a baton, which is cool. But I feel like she could have just snuck up and did it. I don't understand why she's on that roof to do this stunt. Other than they just wanted another stunt in the movie. It looks cool.

Yeah, it looks cool. But yeah, so she's about to get killed by this dude. And then Odette Fair fucking throws a knife right at that guy's throat and kills him. which is a great shot because to Eric's point, this is one of the guys with the motorcycle helmets on. Yeah. And so, like, great shot from Odin's character,

Olivera, just getting a knife right under that. Also, because they only cut once. They don't cut four or five times. That's, yeah, when that happens.

Sure. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, he's, Olivera's got the great line missed one, which was pretty funny. And this is when, Kane reveals like,

ah, you fell in, because they go in the helicopter, is like, yes. Let's take off. And it's like, no, you fell into.

trap. Yep, exactly. And so fucking Nemesis is running up. And this isn't fucking hilarious Mike Epps line where he's like, they're trying to get the chopper to go and you see Nemesis and he's like, oh no, we stole his ride. Because then I just started picturing this big hulking monster trying to

fly a little, like a helicopter. Like, he probably can't even fit inside it. Remember your lessons, Nemesis. Remember your lesson. Keep it together now. I've logged 80 hours of simulator trade age. a song

Bara bra la J. F.K. Jr. couldn't do it, but you can pull out of this spiral. You can do it, Nemesis. Oh, yes, land, no. Do it for trash paddy or whatever her name is.

You know what my fucking name is. Oh, man, but yeah, so Kane starts talking about, oh, wouldn't you know it, Alice and Nemesis were part of the same research thing. What's he say here? Parallel strains of research.

Brother and sister, basically. And so now we just have to have this street fight. Like, it's the end of Rocky Fy. It's the dumbest thing in the world because he's like, now you must fight the nemesis. She's like, I won't do it. And it makes you think I even care. They have to know who is superior.

And then we're going to shoot Jared Harris for no reason. Yeah, you better shoot the best actor in the movie. Because he's like, I'll kill them all unless you fight nemesis. So he shoots Jared Harris. And he was important to the company. so that shows you. It's one of those things where I feel like Angie would never trust Alice ever again.

Like you got my dad killed. You knew you were going to fight that guy. Because you pouted, now my dad is dead. They even share a look. And I expected the little girl to be like, the fuck? Because then, yeah, you're totally right. She just is like, all right. And then we just have this fight.

Wait a second. There's a cure. We couldn't nemesis your father. No, he's good. I mean, once she gets the look from the daughter, I do wish she got an Alice. That's going to cost me. We get some like swashbuckling neck, nemesis. It's just kind of fun.

Yeah, this is all something I didn't expect to see in this movie like this. Does him with this piece of metal, now I got a weapon. Nemesis, Perry, thrust. No slappers only, no slappers only. We're using knives and up, okay? Tush. this jacked up centibite looking motherfucker just exchanging fist fight blows with this woman okay movie she winds up like kicking him and you gets impaled and this is dude my god the telegraphing of this shit is so frustrating like when he pulls the thing off yes he breaks the piece of metal like bends it and breaks it and there's the parts sticking out the camera does a fucking office-esque zoom in on the thing like is everybody paying attention remember The last movie.

Remember. Right. And then we go through, oh my God, it's the environmentalist Matt from the first movie. He used to be hunky. Yeah,

I lost my cool, spiky hair. Evolution has its dead ends. And like, yeah, kill him. Do him.

Please kill. You really need to be a favor here. You got him right there, dude. It's got to be like, yeah, like a put me out of my misery,

please. It has to happen. He only said, what is the one word he says. Oh, I forget. I don't know. Maybe he even just says his own name. Like, trash patty. He says, like, one thing in the movie,

and it was a grumbling, like, predator kind of talking sound. So, yeah, why, oh, Kane, why haven't we taken off yet, Mike Epps? Because I normally drive a Cadillac. One too many. No, thank you. Not great. Good God.

They wind up kicking Thomas Cruchman off the helicopter here, and he's stuck with a gun that will work. And Jared Harris, who was shot, is now a zombie? Because he died and came back? I guess so. Okay. It's one of those classic zombie movies where zombie movie tropes where it's like some people, like, Oh, Dead Fair or other guys won't transform at all or take a long time throughout the movie to do it.

Or two seconds like this guy. Was he treated with the T virus as well? Like the daughter is? Possibly. I feel like if he was getting that regenerative T-Rivis, he's not sitting in that wheelchair. Hold on, I'll tell you guys, once I find this key, somewhere in this atrium. Hold on, no, there's three fucking keys.

One's red. I got the red key now. I need the silver one. Steve, am I spending all day in that new game looking for keys? No, no. It's kind of, it's like there's two different characters. One character is looking for keys. And then Leon Kennedy is like just shooting everybody up.

Leon Kennedy. My son, Leon Kennedy's killing Zambis. He was a cop in the. second game. Yes, he's back and he's got like cool hair and stuff. I don't, I know I played the first and second game. I remember my brother and I renting them and maybe eventually own them.

Yeah. I honestly, aside from looking through a library and some killing you know, zombies here, I don't remember a ton and then I never played anything after that. I never played anything other than Requiem. Recrema was really fun. I would recommend that to most. I like that. So, yeah, I do like the cane, he shoots a bunch of zombies

and then it's like, nah, fuck it. And he tries to kill himself and it doesn't have any more bullets, which is pretty sweet. The missile is incoming now, by the way. Thank God. So, yeah, we do see Raccoon City getting nuked right here. The shockwave rattles the chopper. The helicopter's flying away. They got the, the cargo door open with a nuke. I'm closing the cargo door. Can we sit that up? Let's cover the windows. I'm not trying to get nemesist over here. Exactly. I will turn the air conditioner on. Close all the windows on this chopper. There's fucking atomic whatever coming our way. I mean, it's better than one. I mean, Crichtman is about to

feel the apocalypse while watching a zombie chew on his nuts for their last meal. So I don't know. Maybe it's okay to be in the helicopter. Does poor Nemesis perish in the blast, I assume? I mean, maybe he comes back in another cool sequel. I don't know. You are led to believe that he's dead at least right here anyway. Kill trash paddy on over. Nemesis will return in Thunder Dumpster. Right up Yeah, it was a cover story

They thought I died To that Duke But I just got more gross Live and let puke I will return In golden grease To battle his nemesis Blow Chunks

Blow Chunks Blow Chunks Yes Blow Chunks you're quite mad Tomorrow Never smells You know we're not too different You and I

you only fart twice unless you never says in which case it's kind of constantly oh my god so yeah they get hit with the shockwave or whatever chopper gets rattled oh dead fare's got a good we're going down a pipe goes flying towards little Angie Alice just takes the hit on this and it's just Milojovich with a pipe in her chest

Pretty cool. Chopper crashes here in the Arclay Mountains. What? Fuck yeah. I was waiting for those. Yeah. I would. And now I'm not a world-class screenwriter.

Sure. But I yet. But I feel like if a nuclear weapon goes off towards the end of your movie, you've got four more minutes maximum. Total tops. This little news report and then the credits. That's all you have. Instead we have this like return of the king-esque.

We have to go through all this. fucking shit. Just tell me what happened to Nemesis and then get out of here. What do you mean the credits have to stay in the green room? What the fuck's going on out there? But man, yeah, so the Arkley Mountains, here's some more umbrella douchebags getting the crash site.

Uh-oh. Only one body was found. It's dead Hallis. Yeah, Ian Glenn pulls her out and it's like doing this whole spiel about umbrella this, umbrella that. And then this is where we get also the news montage of like, oh yeah, Terry's tape is blowing the lid off this.

Uh-oh, Terry's tape was a hoax, and you see the whole nuclear reactor story is starting to hit here. The media's the real family. Yeah, Jill and Carlos and are wanted by the authorities. I thought that would be like a cool cliff-hanging ending as well. Uh-oh, three weeks later. Nope, we get to see them in this movie. Don't worry. How about more?

Would you like more? How about more? We got Alice in a Bacta tank right here. Yes. Now full-on titties over here, by the way. Full-on. Weird. Very unsexual.

reveal of her breasts and I mean I would shape of water her still I would feed her some eggs I guess looking better than Darth Vader in a back to think come on but yeah so she's you begin the purging process

so they start waking her up and is Ian Glenn now being like full on e-vail yeah and you know we over here things like oh her powers are developing and a fast rate physical and mental powers and they think she doesn't remember anything so we could start over with this new Alice or whatever. By now so we could turn her into a stupid Prometheus.

It is like, they do think that she's like a caveman at the beginning of this. He's like, this is a pen. Here's what you do with a pen. And she's glitching out. My name, my name, my name, my name is Alice. And I remember everything. Oh, fuck. What?

Stabs this dude in the eye with the pen. And that's all fine. I mean, it's, again, I'm tapping my watch because you get a nuclear weapon on off seven minutes. ago. Yeah. But the psionic abilities where she's making this, look, that's too much, folks. Oh, yeah, the lone security guard looking at her in the camera and she just like

stares at him until his head brain boils or whatever. Okay. I mean, I guess probably more of that in the sequels. Possibly. You got any psychic powers in that new game, Steve? No psychic powers, unfortunately. I think that's for the better.

So she's walking outside. There's all these agents that are about to get her with an, uh-oh, SUV pulls up. Here's O'Deddefair, Mike Ep. Jesus Christ. And Jill Valentine, and they're all in these suits and we've got level six clearance and this, that and the other thing, we're going to take her now. And just my God, how much more movie is happening. What is even any of that? Like I was like, oh shit, there's going to be like a prison break or something. And it's just like, where did you get all the clearance? What is all this? And then Ian Glenn appears to know that it's bullshit, right? Because he's just like, let them go. Because he's going to activate program Alice and then you pan up to a satellite. an Umbrella co-satellite and then I guess is going to track her or change her or make her betray them or whatever. And I mean like this is all a sequel set up which I didn't need because obviously

once I know that Alice has been taken by umbrella I'm like ooh what's going to happen in the next movie and then I'll find out next time. Exactly like I just I don't need to see the first 10 minutes of the next movie at the end of this but weren't you so sad that they were all gone? No because I don't care about a single fucking person that's move really have confidence

in this franchise that people are dumb and people will keep watching. No, no, no. And just do that Empire Strikes Back ending of she's in the back to tank and ruined and taken by this company. Carlos and Jill are wanted fugitives. And that's the ending. You should have ended back at the confidence thing. They never have confidence.

There's no confidence whatsoever. I think you should have ended when the SUV with the little girl gets hit by some Mentra. That'd be great. Great ending. That'd be fantastic. Cool short film about a car accident. But yeah.

Umbrella company satellite is the last shot we see. Q the kill switch and gauge. Didn't expect that to happen. Just give me a last, just one last image of Nemesis. Nemesis will return in splatterball. Yes. You is a view to some trash. A view to some trash.

A view to a toilet. Oh, man. What's a good moonraker one? Let's just get it really quick. Tird raker? Turd raker. I figured Nemesis would dabble in shitplay. Absolutely.

Don't work too hard on it. Just go with what your mind says. Yes, Nemesis. This is a satellite that, I don't know, looks at turds for some reason. Only you can infiltrate it. Casino boil. Yes, totally. The broken office lights.

You've got to stink another day. I'm sorry, Nemesis, you're going to have to leave this casino. You smell like shit. Kick me. Man, but yeah, that is the end of this movie. Mild mini stinger with this like Raccoon City commercial that happens. Oh, I missed it. Or umbrella corporation commercial, rather.

It's for some like medication or less thing you hear. Some side effects may occur. Oh, that's something. Big pharma. Yeah. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts. Eric, was Roger Ebert wrong? Roger Ebert was correct about this film.

I did not enjoy it. I do think it's better than the first one. And I think the action is a little bit better than the first one. You're sort of outside. You got stuff to do. Sure. It's still just very bad. It's just very bare bones.

I feel like if they develop characters, maybe just let some of the lore drop by the wayside to propel this forward. This ain't it. Chris Cabin. Yeah, I mean, that's the problem. There's no character. And like, you don't care about anything. Like I said, you give fucking Milo Jovovich seven. an entrance scene.

For what? I'll never get over that motorcycle. I just won't. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's a little bit better than the last one, but just a little bit. It's not that much. If you're into these movies, I think at least they get more visually interesting as they go along.

The back ones are much better. These ones are really, it's honestly, it's like Harry Potter. The first two are really bad. And then there's some assemblance of something coming with the third one. Paul W.S. Anderson comes back for like the final two or something like that. You got a Mulcahy in the next one. That's a big one. But it's okay to like a movie.

I understand that some people do enjoy these movies. They do. I'm not a fan of them. But these two especially, I do not like. There you go. Steve Sanex. I did not like the first one. I like this one a little bit.

It's like a 17-year-old boy joy delivery system in terms of all the explosions. Jerk off instructions. Yeah. Yes. I mean, like literally. Oh, the other joy. Regular. Emotion.

Got it. Not J-O-I. In that way, it's okay. It's very poorly directed. It's quick. It's quick on its feet. Again, it's an 80-something minute movie. I'm not watching those credits.

So it's like, it's not the end of the world to watch it. It is, I wonder if, I've never seen any of the other ones. So maybe they get much better. And this looks shitty by comparison. But by comparison, this looks better because the first one is so bad. in my humble opinion. Sure, sure. I didn't, I really don't recall that first movie.

But folks at home, let me ask you this, anyone who's a fan of these franchises. I've talked about this before, but every like Halloween season, which we're kind of approaching right now, I get the bug to like do a new franchise and try to go through it. So now I've seen two of these. Do it. Do we get better here, folks? Do that or should I pick a different franchise? Also, I did want to close out because also I wouldn't recommend this to anybody.

But Ebert, quote, from the review of this. movie. This movie is an utterly meaningless waste of time. There was no reason to produce it except to make money and there is no reason to see it except to spend money. It is a dead zone, a film without interest, wit, imagination, or even entertaining violence and special effects. Parents, if you encountered teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children. I don't appreciate you dragging Dead Zone into this. It's a perfectly good movie. I don't know what you're talking about. But my guy, look at that. That's actual writing for a human fucking use four liters of water to get it. Exactly right. But that is going to do it with this episode

on Resident Evil Apocalypse. As always, if you want more We Hate Movies, including shows like this one, absolutely commercial free, though, head on over to patreon.com slash we hate movies, where we are releasing these very same WHM episodes every Tuesday commercial free along with a total cavalcade of other bonus shows, such as earlier this month, we did kick things off with our We Love Movies program, all about a much better movie with people getting killed by Big Beasley guys, the guest. Well, one big Beasley guy.

A little handsomer than Nemesis, maybe. I'm not sure about the Beastie, but yeah, he's a big guy. I mean, he's a beast in soul. Yeah, there you go. Wouldn't Dan Stevens have made a great James Bond? He would have. Wouldn't Nemesis have made a great James Bond? He would have.

Absolutely. He did. There you go. Switch him right out. We also, of course, last week released our Q3 commentary. the back roomsman Terry, which was a lot of fun. One of the greatest production designs of the year in a movie, and we had a lot of fun talking over it. You can get that now, as well as this month's Melro 210.

Indeed, in 90210, we continue to deal with the fact that Andrea is not a virgin anymore. The show is just really trying to grapple with it the best they can. Really trying to, and David is now, suddenly, we're not hearing much, but he's okay with the late night shift. I wonder what has changed. Like, a pesky girlfriend. I wonder what has that. Oh, and then also, yeah, the drugs.

The drugs. It's the drugs. And in Marcos Place, of course, the Amanda Michael situation is continuing at a thrilling and horrifying pace. It's really getting down and dirty, and we had a lot of fun talking about it. It's a roller coaster of debauchery. Now, if you were getting this on the day it comes out, which is Tuesday, the 22nd of September, just this Thursday, we're getting a pretty cool animation damnation. That's right. We're talking about the Street Fighter Cartoon.

Oh, yeah. From the mid-90s. I guess we talked about this 300 years ago. We're now talking about the series premiere. We'll see how the gang gets together. That's right. And then this Friday, Eric, we got some gleepe action happening. We are talking about Prince Gijor.

So we're getting into one of the big guys from the old EU. This is from Shadows of the Empire. Okay. So, yeah, so it's a side show. We talk about tertiary Star Wars characters. It's very chaotic. Big villain, this guy, right? I'm very interested.

Big green guy. Big green guy. I like that. He's a big green guy. That's going to be a lot of fun. Nemesis should fight him. And then next week we will close out with we will close out the month I should say with our Star Trek recap show

The Nexus which will be coming back. Next Wednesday as a matter of fact programming update there. But Steve, to go along with the animation damnation tying it all in our synergistic programming such as it can be sometimes, what is the episode happening next Tuesday? We're staying in video game adaptation world because we were talking about Street Fighter the legend of Chun Lee, a movie I've never seen.

Yeah, I've just curious. Me either, actually. But we have to do it. Yeah, I've heard enough. I'm really curious. I'll be rewatching the DeSuzza Joint to get into the mood. I think you'll be fine if you don't because I think they're totally different. I know.

Is this like a prequel? I think it's just a different. Just a reboot kind of a thing. I see. This is Chris Klein, right? Yes, Chris Klanis, Charlie, I believe. Oh, that's going to be. New character, Charlie.

You've selected Charlie. He's the fifth one from America. America. America. So until next week with Charlie and Street Fighter, Colin the legend of Chun Lee. I've been Andrew Juppen. Stephen Say that. Eric Siska.

Chris Cabin. Take it easy.