We Hate Movies - S17 Ep887: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

“Unfortunately, they forgot to make this a movie…” - EricOn this week’s show, we’re chatting about the total misfire that is Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li! Holy smokes, what were they thinking here? What in the world with this narration? Why was the late, great Michael Clarke Duncan the only actor who understood the assignment here? Was the Chris Klein performance one of the inspirations for Tim Heidecker’s classic ‘Decker’ character? And why the heck did they make M. Bison an Irish guy? PLUS: Do you have to take Pokémons to the vet?Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li stars Kristin Kreuk, Chris Klein, Robin Shou, Moon Bloodgood, Josie Ho, Taboo, Michael Clarke Duncan, and Neal McDonough as Mike Bison; directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak.This episode is brought to you in part by Instant Hydration! For a better way to stay hydrated, go to INSTANTHYDRATION DOT COM SLASH WHM and use my promo code WHM for over 40% off your first subscription order - it’s Instant Hydration’s best offer available!Be sure to visit the WHM Merch shop over on Dashery and check out all the latest show-related designs you can slap on t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, stickers, whatever! Make your friends jealous by flaunting some WHM merch today!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This week on the show, we're talking about a movie that currently has a three on Rotten Tomatoes. It's Street Fighter, The Legend of Chun Lee. I'm Andrew Jupin, bootleg Batman began Stephen Siddak. Cisca Fighter, a macro bison. Oh, this sucks. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the fine podcast.

I give you tuning in, as always. That's right. We're talking about a real turd this week. 2009 Street Fighter, The Legend of Chunley directed by Andrége Bart Coeliac. He was a cinematographer who's shot a lot of movies and a director who's directed

fewer movies. That is good. Yeah, Romeo must die. Exit Wounds. Cradle to the Grave. Previous episode, Doom. Something called Maximum Impact in 2017 with a bunch of nobody's in the lead. And Eric Roberts. And Tom Arnold. Oh, wow. These aren't

nobody's? Check this out, though. 2020 is dead reckoning. A thrill with Scott Atkins and James Remark quote, inspired by the Boston Marathon bombing. I don't know about that. You needed a guy that could kick on that

fucking investigation team. Don't want to be too inspired by that, I would say. Note to self, watch Dead Reckoning. Unless you already did. Check letterbox later. Yeah, could have greened out too dead reckoning. Anyways, this movie, holy smokes, you will be pining for the

Stephen DeSuzza 90s motion picture. I remember when this came out, I remember, like, being at bars with at least one of you being like, can you believe this fucking street fighter movie that nobody cares about? And then nobody saw it. This is the first time for everybody, I'm saying. Yeah, first time. But I mean, Chris Cabin waited. And it's also crazy. I mean, look at how, like, principled we are as gentlemen here. Like, this came out when we, was this, what year is this?

2009. Okay. So, I mean, this could have been low-hanging fruit for us when we started the show in 2010. Absolutely. And we just never did it because we were. better than those other shows. It's been requested 100,000 times. This one is a big one. And I think

I mean, say what you will about the DeSuzza joint, but like it understood what its job was. It definitely understood the assignment. This one, I don't know what they were thinking. It was dumb fun. I mean, it's not good. The DeSuzza movie. The DeSuzzi, yes.

This one very good. No, no. This one, I've given it the rare half star on Letterbox. I just can. Fantastic. It could get to a full star. Is it rare fee? I'm not. I'm tossing those out like candy. I just sat down with a piece of white paper and I tried to make it work and I couldn't do it. Couldn't get the math to gel there.

Yeah, I gave it one star in Letterbox because the one kind of positive thing I can give this movie, which is it's barely anything at all because it's a movie called Street Fighter. But like I was surprised at the level of violence overall. Like we're murdering people. She fucking kills M. Bison at the end of this movie with her legs. And I was like, all right. That's kind of something. It's kind of something.

It's kind of something, but if they added like that cracking noise, it would have been a lot more of something. It's like, it's like a soft neck crack. What are we doing? We got to hurry this up because it's already leaving my brain. Like, we're 30 minutes of it had left already. We're recording this on Wednesday. I watched this on Monday. I have no idea what I'm saying.

I watched this last night. Yeah, I watched this last night. I barely got anything left. This is why you're here to like figure it out for me. We do start with in San Francisco some Golden Gate greens screen. Which is all. What are we talking about San Francisco? And then the golden showing the goal panning across this shot of the Golden Gate Bridge,

which ironically enough, a lot of people jumped off after seeing this movie. Oh, they'll do it for any reason. It doesn't have to be this movie. They love that bridge for suicide. They love that. It's a nice one. Should you do a riff on the fog? They did a whole movie about it.

That's what I'm saying. Oh, it's the bridge. It's called the bridge. What the hell is the fall? Oh, the John Carpenter. That's much better. Let's combine both of those ideas. Okay, I can figure that out.

At least somebody jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge thing. They were besieged by ghost pirates, for sure. at least one person. That'd be fun like you while you're falling near your death and your mind is being scrambled because I couldn't imagine what that feels like. Oh, it's got to be scary. I don't understand why we even show her in San Francisco when she goes immediately to Hong Kong. Because when they move to Hong Kong like her awesomely dead behind the eyes narration tells you everything changed. Yeah. She sounds like AI, dude. I know it's 2009 so it can't be. Hi, I'd like to be your girlfriend now. You look like a sexy next door neighbor, I'd like

to get to know better. We were making the jokes just say, did she have anything to do next the next to him? Was she in the next year? Oh, no, she absolutely was. She was, okay. Give us the background info on this. Smallville cast member. Yeah, she was smallville cast member, so clearly. She was a lot of Lange. Really? Okay. That's not nothing. Not nothing at all.

No, she was on like 160 left. She was, I mean, she was the lead. It was Tom Welling and her. They made more than 10 of these episodes. Oh, man. There's like 10. Smallville is a big one. That one took a lot. But according to her Wikipedia, she admitted that she was in next year from like 2006, like 2013. So definitely, definitely, I think maybe she might might have got out while it was good maybe.

Okay, okay. Before Keith went mad with power. By the way, just say, hang on a second. We're doing she, she, she all over the places. Kristen Crick. Yes. Yes. Or Cruik, however you want to say her name there. This is the woman who is playing Chunli in this movie. Yeah. She was, she left, she left Smallville to do this. movie, which in my estimation, given the timeline that Christian Kurok has given us herself, Keith Reneer definitely was part of that decision, right? If you're part of nexium, and you're making a huge life change, you're like, Keith, should I do the street

fighter movie? Oh, yeah, you know what's going to come back in a big, bad way? It's two things. Indoor volleyball and street fighter movies. He's sitting like a toad supinely on a couch, scratching his belly, yeah, you should probably do it. Hold down for the Faylong movie. Don't go for this one. Wait for Fay Long to come around. Who wants $200,000 an episode when you could be in Street Fighter, the legend of Chun Lee?

Oh, my God. Yeah, just fucking piss your career away. Here's the thing. And also, like, we were not denouncing religions if you're part of nexium or... I think you're allowed denouncing it. I'm good with denouncing it. It's, hey, it's a personal choice. Sure.

That's really stupid. It's a personal choice that got a lot who will... jail. There's people that are Mormon, you know what I mean? I don't want to hurt their feelings either. It's all connected. This woman was on the first season of Reacher, dude. Oh, really? Yeah, four episodes or something like that. Charlie

something. I think she was a local law enforcement male. She's a fine TV actress. I think that there is such a thing as a fine TV actress. You know what I mean? On the C.W. W.B. level. She's no fucking Ray

Seahorn. No, no, no. I mean, that's I mean, like just a week in, week out. She doesn't play the police detective. She plays like the lady at the booking desk. She actually, speaking of the police detective, she's in insomnia. She is the girl that gets killed. Oh, okay. She's the one who wrapped up in garbage bags?

Oh, sure. She's like washes her hair, if you remember that movie. Oh, wow. Great place for her to be. So she's worked with Christopher Nolan. What the fuck have you ever done, Eric? Literally nothing. But yes, when we moved to Hong Kong, everything changed.

We get the opening credits over the Hong Kong Skyline here. This garbage title card, like a bad Super Nintendo game. But like this movie, it's kind of funny I'm saying Super Nintendo because this movie's not even pretending for a second that it's based on a video game property. Because it's a little too

hip, it's a little too cool for school and that that's a huge mistake for this property. I understand the idea here because it's like, what are we even going to do with this video game to make this a movie? I mean, you can't just do DeSuzza again. So it's like, let's find a character.

that could be the conduit for the audience. Sure. And we're going to start like, this is this character's journey. And instead of dealing with like five fucking people or whoever knows what, let's zero in on this and make this a movie, unfortunately, they forgot to make this a movie. Yeah, that's an issue. The big mistake was forgetting to make it a movie. But what was the plan after? Was it literally the Marvel plan of like, we're just focusing on Chunley, the next one's going to be the Ken movie?

That was my question, right? That's what I assume. They mentioned, right? directly at the end. So I guess they were going to build towards that. Like, well, the next is going to be like Gile movie is three movies down. Then we get to that because the minute

I heard that Chris Klein's name is not one of the street fighter names. I'm like, why am I doing here? What the fuck is the point here? Your Honor. He is a street fighter character. Nash is his first name is Charlie. He's Charlie Nash. He's in the Street Fighter Alpha Games. Who's the same guy. He's Giles friend who gets murdered.

Charlie! Charlie! Wait, he becomes Blanca? Yeah, well, in the movie, it becomes Blanca, in the video game averse. I was doing a lot of, I was doing a lot of street fighter look up. This is what you're saying? Because, you know, honestly, the IMDB trivia was very light. It was. No, I was just doing Wikipedia on, anybody's got a hyperlink next to their name?

I'm clicking on hyperlink. I'm sorry, if he doesn't have a face card, he's not a street fighter. This is ridiculous. It's a very nothing character, but like, it sucks that they don't know what to do with that. Going back to what you guys were saying about the ending of like, oh, hey, I've heard that there's this guy, Raiu doing these street fighter tournaments and, you. in Japan worth looking into. It's 100% Batman Begins.

It came out. Speaking of Christopher Nolan. This was, what, four years after Batman begins? And also, she goes to Thailand to like live like a, like a banker. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I'm watching people steal to eat. Yeah, you're taught.

Yes. Also Kill Bill here where they can, and Bison consolidates the gang lords very much. We don't, we don't show the B addings really, but it's the same idea. Right. I mean, it's also kind of like what. the Joker does in the dark night is just consolidate the gangs in that way too. But it's like, so we see her like growing up a little bit.

She's learning Wushu, you know, like from her dad. And like there's so much left out that like just lines of dialogue that either were edited or whatever like that I desperately need. Like what does her dad do for a living? He shows up one time with a suitcase with a handcuff on and I'm like, what does he got in there? That's not normal. You can't just come home for a home cooked dinner. after work and have a fucking briefcase handcuff to your... None of your guys' dads did that?

Was that weird? Well, actually, my cop father came home with handcuffs on his person quite often as a matter. Not chained to himself in a briefcase. I'll argue with you a little bit here, Steve. He's an important businessman. Okay. Yeah, right business man. It said two or three times.

He's a very important businessman. Dude, think about all that business he's got to do. There's papers in there, you know, that show numbers and accounts. Yeah, you got to analyze those receipts. or something probably. Facts, figures. And then charts, stocks, bonds. Different level from those unimportant businessmen. There are a lot of those as well.

It's sectioned off. But even like vague, oh, and he's crooked. Like, you know what I mean? And like, and now he got in bed with M. Bison, and now he can't get out of it. That's, like, so easy to do. And that's basically what it is, but they just don't say it. Exactly. And then, like, for, for what, okay,

for whatever reason, M. Bison is keeping this girl's Chun Lee, her father, captive mainly just to use the internet for him. Expensibly captured. He's like in a palace, you know what? It's not like he's like got his arm chained in a cell somewhere. It's like, oh, it's like a gilded cage scenario, which is cool, but what?

Exactly. Google this for me. Yeah, like he's just, he's the fucking guy that use, what was the, um, it was that Renfair documentary series where the guy who owned the Renfair had the stoner who just used the internet for him? He set up his dating profile, etc. That's what it was. Yes, yes. Or not dating profile, is a sugar daddy profiles on sugar daddy websites.

Yes, yes. But that's, that was like the vibe I was kind of getting used. You just fucking kidnap this man and keep him indefinitely to use the internet. Again, you're a billionaire by just hire a guy to use the internet for you. Why does it, yeah, why does it have to be this guy? Who cares? What was the whole like deal? You need a little

more detail here. He doesn't want to be paying someone. Better to kidnap someone. Keep them in a prison office. thing. That's why he's a good businessman. He knows how to save money. All these questions are irrelevant because we have to hear about how Chunli wants to be a pianist. Yes. Yes. She's playing the piano. She's very talented. Which I don't know if we need this detail. Now, I mean, I guess it's just a show like she has two paths. Yeah. Yeah. She decided to go the path of the fighting times. Yes. To get her important businessman father back. That's right. Yeah, like,

whatever. Like we learned that she's learning Wushu. The mom is like, I'm benign and just standing around. I'm barely a character. How are you doing? I'll have cancer in six minutes. And he comes home from work one night and then fucking Balrog shows up. The late great Michael Clark Duncan is Balrog. Jumping through this window, dude.

Look at a million bucks, Mal. I agree. I thought he was fun in this movie. I thought he was energetic. I liked this initial fight sequence with him, I actually liked. And there was movement to this where like he's punching people and they're supernaturally flying a little further. and I'm like, this is video gaming.

You get some wire work there. At some point, her father, I believe his name, Jan, is, lights his hand on fire and is using the fire fist stuff. I'm like, that's kind of cool. It's pretty awesome. He sets himself on fire to set this chain on fire, set another guy on fire, and I'm like, okay, street fighter. Dude, like a flaming chain who's like a ghost rider kind of vibe.

I was like, this is, yeah, this is kind of cool. Best scene of the movie. And then the rest of the movie is forced to happen, unfortunately. Also, yes. But yeah, he comes. in fucking kicking this dude's ass. I had to laugh because he throws the father through this door that is so

obviously a cheap prop door and all I could think about was American movie in that fucking kitchen cabinet. I just throwing that poor son of a bitch's head through it. Oh, you gotta score this man. Oh, nobody scored it at all. Oh, geez, you know, we're making the goddamn legend of Chun Lee here. You can't score a goddamn door. We're going to kill our stuntman.

I do love, I would like some boxing gloves on Balrog at some point. Sure. Yeah, he can't do it in this professional setting but there should be like a like he's working out or something he's beating the ever-loving piss out of someone and he's got the gloves on it would be cool. Well yeah the

outfit is him like literally at the gym it's not even like it's not shorts and like all that's DJ more. He also needs the haircut yeah he's just bald cue bald Michael Clark Duncan in this movie. Put a bad wig on him it's fine just do that I mean listen we haven't seen it yet it's not out

at the time we record this and it's not going to be out upon release for another like month or so but that new movie at least 50 cents got that stupid fucking haircut. He does. Can I give you some Street Fighter video game trivia that I learned today that shook my Wow. My entire understanding of everything?

I am learning by the way between what you were just talking about a second ago when you brought up Street Fighter Alpha and then all the stuff that you were espousing on the AD you are clearly the Street Fighter X. I like Street Fighter. Speaking of you're new to the show, AD means animation damnation which is a side show where we covered this month, Street Fighter

the cartoon the adventure begins, the pilot on Matryon, Available now. So you know Street Fighter 2 when the last couple guys are Vega, Balrog, and M. Bison. Yeah, the fucking pipe hit and motherfuckers. So in the Japanese version

M. Bison's name was Vega. Is that why the credits are all fucked up in this movie? They are credited as both. Oh, yes. You know why? Because in Japan it's still Vega. Yes, exactly. If you make sense, Right, because Vega, you're thinking like a South American dictator.

Yeah. Right. Because if you look at the IMDB page for this movie, Neil McDonough is credited as Bison slash Vega Japan. Yes. And then Michael Clark Duncan is Balrog slash Bison Japan. Yes. And Vega was, I think, Balrog. So that's how that worked.

The reason they moved it, like, ah, Vega doesn't, in America, Vega doesn't sound tough enough. And then we'll give that to the guy with the claw. And then we'll change. I always wonder what M. Bison stood for. Why is it M. Bison? Michael Bison? Mike Bison. Because.

Mike Bison. Because Balrog was a Mike Tyson ripoff and they were afraid that they were going to get sued. No. So they changed. Yes, he's Mike Bison. Did he shove his mother down the stairs too? Or whatever else?

You're getting pushed. Whoa, you are blowing the fucking hat off my head right now. And then Vega was Balrog and now Balrog is Balrog. So they just got to do it. Switchy Switch because of Mike Bison. And Sagat was Sagat? Seagot was just Sagat.

Sagat was apparently was from the first game, which I learned today also. I was the first game, like Street Fighter 2 was like a national religion in the 90s in America. But I don't think I've ever played that first game. Was it even released in the United States? I think it was just on arcade. It was not very good. Yeah. I mean, but Balrog was always a weak name to begin with.

I was like, well, what? I can't even imagine like a boxer today or even a UFC fighter today coming out. And no, Balrog! Coming to the stage. Well, no, you need an old lady to go, here come to Balrog. That's a chance to be. So, yeah, these three other dudes show up to continue the fight. This is the funniest entrance, though.

Neil McDonough as Mike Bison. Hi there. He whooshes into this movie like he's a ghost. Yes. I think like Neil McDonough was on a platform and on wheels and like they pushed him. Oh, definitely. Because he just kind of like slag. It's a vampire

slide up behind Michael Clark Duncan. It's very weird. And he's like, oh, don't worry. Chun Lee, the little girl comes down. He's like, don't worry, Angel. With this Irish accent, which we'll talk about, don't worry, angel. Only a coward would kill a school girl.

Now, this accent kind of leaves the movie. Is that right? Comes in an hour. I didn't really even notice it. Well, here's the thing that I'll just talk about it now because we're talking about the accent. The detail that I hope everybody caught, which makes it even

dumber, is that they're talking about, like, the back story of Mike Pison. I can't even say it. And they say that his off-the-boat, Irish parents that were living somewhere in Southeast Asia when he was born, they were both killed.

And you see him as an infant, right? And he was raised in Asia. How if his parents, his Irish parents, died when he was an infant, like a little baby infant, How does he have this accent? It's in his blood. The orphanage was, you know, like, oh, let's expose him to some of his culture.

Got the River Dance, Stevie. Oh, yeah. VHS tape. Yeah. But that's just, it's so hilarious that, like, it's those kinds of things that, like, the people making this movie couldn't even, no one was like, you know what, Neil? It doesn't fucking make sense, dude. Because he's American.

I mean, apparently, I looked it up. His parents are Irish, like, off the boat. So the accent is natural to him, but it's not his natural speaking voice. No. They died. He never heard the Irish accent. He was orphaned as an in- Neil McDonough's actual parents. Oh, oh, oh, okay. I thought you're talking about Wickeby-Biss. No, he's got like off-the-boat Irish parents, which is fine. And the accent is good, but it makes no fucking sense.

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It's also stupid not to have the outfit. I'm sorry. Thank you. Come on now. I think this also stems from like, oh, they did a gritty reboot of Batman. Now you don't need to do that. And also, I mean, that first X-Men movie was only nine years prior, and that was another, like, the suits are dumb, right? Here's our black leather suits instead.

But at least then, like, Batman had fucking years to be like, here's this gritty oneer by, like, some great artist who wants to do one line of Batman, and they did the gritty version. They did the funny version. There's all these different versions. It's just straight fighter. It's just the cartoony thing. There's no thing to go off of like, well, you know, this artist did a great version. Or we're really following that. It's like, no, it's the cartoon video game.

I'm just making that. It just makes it dull. Yeah. It's like setting, you know, some cool, like, space opera hero in the middle of the fucking desert where he's just hanging around in the diner. And his ring keeps running out of fucking battery every episode. I think space opera, you nail it. They don't want to make it look like Flash Gordon or something.

So they're like, let's make it realistic. So M. Bison wears a suit because all evil guys are white guys in suits. Even give him a red suit then. And maybe, you know what I mean? Just give me a little. It's a hat. Just, you know, a little something that you can be like, like you're getting a whiff of the character. Exactly.

Oh, okay. This is a slightly different version of the thing that I know it to be. Because to white Irish guy in a powder blue suit. That's not a bison. I think he just went from the set of fucking justified where he was also a villain in a suit. And then came to this movie as a villain in the same suit. Somebody checked the wardrobe department. But that's the thing.

I don't even believe, like, the gritty idea doesn't even make sense to me. Because like you do that. You say like, okay, we're sure. trying to make this a little more serious. Like she's going to be homeless for a little bit. It's going to really show her coming up. And you know what? The first line are Chris Klein,

Chris Klein in our greedy street fighter movie. It's like, he talks to a woman is like, oh man, I'd like to fuck you, but not really. And like, he's supposed to be a jokester.

I'm like, what are you doing? It's supposed to be a tough, fucking direction are you going in? A tough as nails. Cup, maybe, probably not like,

no one could pull this off maybe, but like Bruce Willis or something. Nobody. It's a jokester role. He's like, he's horny the, the minute he starts. I love this job.

That's the lot. I just got, oh, look at that ass. I love this job. You know what it is? It's a really bad rendition of the annoying Ryan Reynolds persona. Yep.

I think if Ryan Reynolds was playing Nash in this movie, you'd kind of get, because like it or hate it, Ryan Reynolds is really good at playing that. Sure. And that's what this should have been. But Chris Klein can't play the way they want. He's Charlie Nash.

He's trying so hard, though. And it's like, I just, I got nothing against that guy. Like, I'm sure he's a totally fine dude and we could raise a stine a beer together and whatever. But, like, open invitation. Open invitation. Absolutely. But, like, what were you doing, dude? More often than not, when he's trying, it makes you a little uncomfortable.

You're like, oh, shit, this isn't worse. It's a tryhardy. It seemed like it could have been, you know, this might have been a moment for him to break out of it. Yes, turn the page on his career and do some new things. And that did not happen. Also, FYI, though, like, this person directing this movie clearly is not anyone who can direct performances. So, like, these people are not guilty on their own. And the script is awful, dreadful.

And it's cut to ribbons as well. It doesn't even look as good as a lot of other movies he's shot. No. No. No, there's better movies that he is shot. Bison mysteriously kidnaps her father. It looks like he kills him, but we're not sure. We, the audience aren't sure.

The mother gets a good push down in the driveway. It's kind of the beginning of double dragon, you know? Like, just look at the video game. We punches her in the stomach? Yeah. Yep, that's right. Felt like that. She gets whisked away and it's like, oh, no, dad.

And then we pretty much cut and she's like a pianist cut of situation. Yes, she's back to being a concert pianist in Hong Kong. When are they doing a new double dragon, right? Great question. That was a pretty bad movie. Previous episode. Yes, absolutely. Robert.

Patrick is the villain? Yes. Yes. Scott Wolf is one of the dragons. I believe Mark the Costco is that one. That's a fun property that they've kind of never touched again. I'm going to guess if this. Street Fighter movie does well. You're going to see some more

shit that. That and streets of rage. Yes. Well, here's the thing that final fight would be cool. Absolutely. A final fight movie. Okay. You're in your dream. No, I just think that like the reason. I want a big burly bear with a mustache and fucking listen. We might all die in poverty, but we still might get the final fight movie.

Fingers crossed. But the reason we're getting, like, there's the Mortal Kombat movies, like that second one came out early this year, terrible. The Street Fighter movies coming out. We're still making Street Fighter. Mortal Kombat game. We're not making double dragon games anymore.

By all means, make a double dragon game. A new one, I'll fucking play it. Oh, absolutely. But I feel like you got to have that before you get the green light. That's why they're doing the Zelda movie. We're still making Zelda. We're still making Mario movies and stuff. So that all kind of makes sense to me.

But yeah, streets are rage. How about fucking clay fighters? Get a good clay fighters game. Sure. And it's claymation, which would be cool. Yeah, get primal rage and then get all the bullshit. Yeah, primal. Killer instinct would be nice.

Absolutely. You could play as a Skellington, right? I believe so. You could play as a skeleton. You could play as, wasn't that the game killer ins? Because the guy was on the cover, it's like a badass kind of night-looking guy with the big, like, sword-arms. Yeah, definitely.

Oh, I played so much killer instinct. You give me a mortal combat rip-off. I'll waste fucking a year of my life. Ziggfried, maybe. Oh, wow. Look at this. Oh, no. I have to look that up at some time.

There's an arcade bar near my house. I think they had it for a spell. So I think I played it not too long ago. But maybe I'm thinking of a different game. Who the fuck don't. Anyone ever play Soul Calibur? Yes. Is that what I'm thinking about? I think of single reason, Soul Calibre.

Yes. Soul Calibur also has the same kind of sword hand thing that I'm thinking about. I put a lot of soul caliber. Never touch the stuff. Kids, Google this, go to YouTube and look at all these video games that you've never heard. Don't even get me started on the Tekken franchise. That's a lot. You know, that's, you know, I was never a big adapter to the weird 3D looking thing. And then the cat head is like fun.

but like is it? Yeah, the Jaguar dude. Yeah. I mean, so after the mother gets punched his stomach, we go, we fast forward, we get her next and last great scene,

which is her having cancer. Yeah. They do something with the makeup. They really make her look like she's dead already. Yeah. Like it's hollow eyes. It's really something. They also hilarious and this actress

is not going to shave her head. So they wrap her head in a bandage like she was in a car accident. That's not cancer. No. And there's like, you know, like a head scarf and whatnot that like, folks, you know, that lose their heritage

treatment have. You might as well put a fucking garbage bag on this woman. She looks awful. Like, worse than she should. It's so undignified. Like a movie theater seat someone puked on. Just put a garbage bag over it. Or shit on and put a garbage bag over it. Like happened in our multiplex back

of the day after a screening of C-biscuit. Yikes. Whoa. A big old horse shit in the theater. Like I left the biscuit behind. You know that it was in 40X to try to make you feel like you're at the stables. I was like, shit here.

So, paint me a picture. This guy was sitting down. He thought it was, the movie was so boring, he thought he was on the toilet. It was, it was a fella that was known to come to the theater, you know. This is repeat offenders. This was the only time this happened, though, thank God. And it was like, sometimes people like to give with the update of what you're in for when you're about to go clean an auditorium. So they come, oh, you're going to mess in there, blah, blah, that kind of stuff.

We're standing there waiting to clean this theater. Someone comes out and they were like, we think someone. maybe pooped on a seat and it was just like oh fuck a duck and then it's like well can't really do anything about this mopped up the floor part

garbage bag just over the seat you could still sit next to the poop seat if you want to do though you bet your ass they sold those see now in modern times folks people would have to like program that to be a seat you can't buy it's a shit seat out of the seat selection

so the blue ones are taken the orange ones are open. What's the brown one? Oh, well, someone pooped on. We just put a garbage back over it, so it's not for sale. Guys, I just got a theater. Keep your eyes out for a disheveled old man who looks lost. Because I think he just did

something in the theater and we need to talk to this person. He's probably dearly departed, I imagine. It's impossible. That was easily over 20 years ago. God have mercy on his soul. What's the red seat? Oh, somebody died on that one. And they didn't even have moved him yet. Had that on a theater, too.

Auditorium number five. A dude died watching X-Files the first movie. Oh, okay. Well, he couldn't fight the future. He's been trying. The future fought him, dude. At least he didn't live to say, I want to believe. There you go.

That's actually true. Yeah. So we should say, whilst Chunley, after a thrilling piano performance, we barely see, which I'm fine with, she gets, some admirer gives her a big old scroll. Yeah. Yeah. Like her friend is like. In the garbage. And she's like, wow, what a scroll.

And she's like, I know, right? There's some line about like, oh, yeah, that's why you got all the whatever at Juilliard. And I'm like, oh, Chudley, Julia, train pianist. Oh, oh. And then her mom dies of cancer. On the way back, she does get a, somebody is beating up a dude on the subway. Multiple times in this movie where someone observes someone else getting their ass kicked in the street and does nothing about it. Because the world's a terrible place.

And that she has to come up and become. the savior for the world. Well, the mother, when she gets to the hospital, you know, she's like, you took the subway. You know how dangerous the outside world is, right, Chunley? Yeah. How terrible the world is to people with spider web tattoos on their hands. Awful, awful to those people. Do you think they dog toothed this girl? Dude, they fucking tried their hardest. But she actually, Chunnley has a good line here. She fights back, pushes back to her dying mother. We can't be scared by everything the TV tells us. There you go. And I'm like, pretty smart. Too bad nobody saw that message in this terrible movie. Can we tell everyone now? Don't be

afraid of everything the TV tells you. Also Facebook. Definitely Facebook. Yeah, throw Facebook in the mix. So we go to Thailand. This is the Shattelow headquarters, we're told. I've been calling it Shattaloo. All the whole life. My whole life. Shattaloo. Shattelow. Jesus. Chalalaloo. I don't trust it. Shabbado. It's just a movie. I'm not counting. Shattaloo. Is that I mean, that's a line of dialogue from Adam Sandler. Shaloo shaboo shababababoo. Wabadoo. But yes, that's how you do it, right? It's like a Billy Madison, but he has to go to karate school.

Oh, yes. We got to repeat all the, the belt colors. And that could be, he could play like a dumb ken. Yes. A dumber can. Yeah, totally. He biddy, dibidi, I'm congellering my power. And this is he babbidi booze right here because this is, he's like, I'm taking over everything.

you know, moving all this business to Bangkok. This is, it's a big Joker takeover speech. Yes. This is what I reminded me of the Oren Ishii. Oh, big time. Yeah, yeah. And it's also- Chun Lee, I love you.

Thank you for beating the shit out of me. It would be hilarious if Neil McDonough ran across a table and fucking cut some dude's head off really swiftly. It would have been something versus this, which is sort of nothing. I don't like that we only see the aftermath of this because it would have been kind of cool. Vega follows the guys out. You guys said this would be played by Taboo, who I just learned this from the black eyed peas.

That's right. Yeah, he's three of four. Because I kept Googling taboo over and over again. I kept getting this weird pornography. Okay. And then I would masturbate to it. And then I'd be like, what was I doing again? Oh, yeah, Taboo.

And then I would get some more weird pornography. Yeah, totally. Just vicious cycle. And you didn't get to the guy's Wikipedia page until after your fucking dick started to bleed. Exactly. That's usually, where would you hit that guy's Wikipedia page

after looking at all that? That's when you shoot. So we show up to this crime scene the next morning. This is the introduction of Charlie Nash, played by Chris Klein. And the character Maya Sung-gee is this Bangkok PD. You want to look up this actress's name. It's a cool name. Right.

Quick here. Yes. Oh, right. Of course, Moon Blood Good. And apparently she is hyperlinked. She's another street fighter character that is crimson dark as the character game. And I guess the real name is whatever this Maya. So they were making like games we never heard of.

Oh, yeah. There's a millions of Streetfighter. And we only get two here. There's been new ones probably. There's, there's I have it on PS5, I think I only download the demo actually. There's a six, Street Fighter 6 came out a few years ago. Really? Okay, all right.

It had like really complicated fight mechanics and I just stopped playing it. Well, it's like Pokemon. We all know the normal Pokemon, but like over it in other countries, it's like a Pokemon ultra-red or Pokemon Super Blast. Yeah. Dude, if you're If your Pokemon is ultra-red for more than four hours, contact your physocious.

Getting a doctor in here. My Pikachu is still bright red. Hello, 911. I doesn't imagine a Pikachu with a little cone around his head. Do you take those things to the doctor you think? You have to, right? Like our Charmander's got diarrhea. Better take him into the doctor.

You're fighting them like dogs. Right, yeah. That's a dog-fighting game, really. Squirtle. Squirtle, no chocolate, no chocolate. No chocolate. Squirtle, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Drop it.

The little guy, he fought so hard, but Pokemon just can't have chocolate. We were too late. Maybe we'll have to do Detective Pikachu at some point, which I saw in the theater, and I still made hide nor hair of it. I never saw it. And what's his name is in there? From Bill Nihie. Oh, Bill Nihi.

Oh, really? Bill Nihis and Detective Pikachu. Or Bill Nye? Yeah. Bill Nye, the science guy. The fucking guy from Love Actual. That's what he was saying. Bill Nye.

Oh, I'm sorry. I got a back. Bill Nye, no, you were right. Okay, thank you. Goodness. Wait, but is he voicing a Pokemon or is he there? He's a villain.

Oh, that's something. Wait, have you seen the detective pollution? Holy shit. Ryan Reynolds, I thought the whole world saw the detective future. That's right. I'm running team rocket now. Don't you like the new uniforms?

And he's dancing around. It's sexy for you now. But it's like, it's really bizarre because it's like talking about you know, Pokemon stuff. I'm like, I mean,

even the seven. year old man knows it an idol. Well, the 70-year-old man learned his lines that he read on his screen. He probably got paid to learn a little bit. You asked Bill Nigh today about Charmander. He can't tell you dittily dick about it. Don't worry. Is that one of Anna's things?

But she's always showing me stuff and I couldn't care less. Dude, this Chris Klein, I love my job. Just licking his lips like a cartoon wolf looking at this woman's ass. The way that's written is so it's like an 80s. Someone could have me, done this fun. But you hit

the nail on the head though, dude. Eric, you said on letterboxed, this is like you're watching like a Tim Heidecker, like Decker cop show where none of the jokes land. And if you go back and listen to some of Chris Klein's delivery and his facial expressions and shit, I

think High Decker saw this movie and maybe got the inspiration for Decker from this before. It's so Decker. It's crazy. It's really. It really is. It's so funny. It's very funny. And they don't affect the plot at all. They're just sideways from the plot. They're cold on the trail of like

his whole thing is like because he's like I guess interpol or something. Yeah, she's Hong Kong PD or Bangkok PD. Bangkok PD. And he's Interpol. See we're doing like the two-prong effect of like okay so Chunli we're going to view the world through her eyes but also

them. You just inherited a big problem. Neither of them know what's happening. So that's fun. Hey, uh, quick Maya, Hang on a second. Do you know what this movie's about? Well, because so much of the, I mean, so many of these other characters, it's like fighting and like bows and arrows and this is cool stuff.

This is how you get your guns in there for your American audience. Yeah, sure, sure. Because you get some cops in here and here. I got a gun. Aren't you happy? Aren't you hard yet or what? But you could have just done the whole cop angle for this movie instead and done that whole thing. Suddenly can be a new recruit on the force. Yes. Yeah. So no, for some reason I'm thinking about like that Christopher Bear movie The Huntinger, where you could have the detective

be like, I don't know what you've heard, but Hong Kong is a modern city. We don't have street fighters. Yes. And then suddenly gets his head taken off by a sonic boomer. We don't have Blancas in this. Oh, no. Yes, exactly. That movie's so awesome. It's a fun movie. It's a really fun one. Previous episode.

So this is the scene we do see Chunley's father alive and well in this prison thing where he's got like big LED screens to give himself like fake views and stuff and Bison's like why would you have like this beach scape or whatever like you know wouldn't you want the beauty of your city or something it's just like this drab view of hong kong and you're like all right whatever um but yeah just to to do this hacking work for him he's imprisoned and bison comes in because he's delivering a very important thing here the thumb drive with chunley's latest piano recital that we saw her playing uh so he can listen to it and you see like he's got pictures of So like it's a weird bison is like keeping him abreast of her life even though he refuses to let her see her kind of a deal.

He's doing a real do it for her Homer Simpson. Don't forget you're here forever kind of a deal. Totally. Yeah. High kick it for her. We cut out the part where she said this is a tribute to you. The long speech where she says, I love my daddy. I'm looking for him still.

But again, so you're sending people to Hong Kong to film this woman's performances just to get the dad. to not kill himself. Hire an IT guy. How expensive is it? There's got to be some like 23-year-old that knows his way around the keyboard. He's fucking addicted to monster energy drinks, hasn't had a haircut in 12 years,

same t-shirt for two weeks. Like, it's Bangkok. I'm sure you can get somebody for pretty cheap, is my guess. Yes. Yeah. So we get... For computers.

For computers. In Bangkok, you can get someone cheap for computers. No, it's going to give it for computers. Sorry. Officer, it's for computers. These girls were helping me with my PC, which is my personal cock. This is my IT department. My penis cock.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fellow. A lot of people call them computers. You got this Chunle's mother's funeral here, and I like the photographs on the tombstone. It's fun. Pretty cool. Yeah. You know who's in there? You know what I mean?

You take a look at a tombstone. You look, ah, look who's down there. That's nice. You don't like pictures in general. Yeah, I like the written word. No, go full shards, man. I want a video of the body decomposing at all time. Like maybe like the bottom of a boat where it's like in, you know, you got the glass.

Oh, glass bottom boat. This do glass top coffin. Glass top graves entirely. Yes, exactly. You just look down at the body decomposing. There's no top lid. That's what it is. You dig the hole.

You put the coffin in and then it's just plexiglass. Just kind of goes like over the top. And it would be so fun to piss on. It's a lot cheaper than what Vincent Consell was doing in that movie. That's for sure. Yeah, that was... Would you eat at that place's restaurant? Yeah, the cemetery's...

The graveyard cafe, I'm good. Which place is this? You ever see the Shards? Shrouds. The shrouds. The shrouds. Oh, I meant to, and I somehow missed that way. It's a cool one.

It's not his best, but I like it. It's a good movie, but yeah, part of it is, like, in the cemetery where they have this service, there's just, like, a cafe. It's like Michelin Star Joint. It looks like the restaurant from the menu or something. Like it's really, it's a... Like from a really nice museum. If they had like a cafe.

That's a good. Yes. If you're like eating lunch at the Met or something. Yeah, totally. So after mom's funeral, she's like, let me look into this scroll. I had to find out about this scroll or one. Because remember folks, like we're kind of just like saying kind of what the narration was, but we're not doing a good job of relaying just how awfully these lines are performed.

Yeah. And she goes to some lady. She's like, what's this scroll say? After she gets swept into a store. This is the stupid. Okay, so this is where we see the second web tattoo. We saw the other one on the guy who was getting the ship eat out of him in the alley that she comes up or the subway that she helps, shoe the guys away. And he's got a spider web tattoos.

There's something afoot here with these web tattoos. Order of the web, you understand. That's what this lady says. And she's like, oh, you have to go to Bangkok to find the order of the web. And find Gann. I shot some webs in Bangkok Did you? Out your PC.

For computers. For computer stuff. For computers. You shot some web for your computer. Okay. Yeah. That's what I call circuitry. Another line I need is this lady like, oh, and Genn knows all about what happened to

your father. And then it makes sense that she would go on the adventure. Like she's just like, hey, some guy said you a scroll. You should go to Bangkok and find him. I guess so. Bye. Well, this lady, you know, she's so thankful she found her. got swept into this store.

She has no, like, did someone just sweep me into this store? Because it's a guy like sweeping outside. She's like, whoa, sweeping. And he like pushes her into the store. And she remembers now, oh, the web tattoo. And we as a dumb audience have to be shown this. I cannot believe the flashback.

It's crazy. The guy in the subway, which happened like three minutes ago. And the guy, the sweep guy, which was 12 seconds ago. They show both. But yes, you got to go to Bangkok. you got to find gang. Meanwhile, gangland homicide headquarters in Bangkok. This is Maya's office and this is Nash telling all. I've been chasing the Shattelow organization for three years and some other movie you don't want to watch.

He's got a snappy. Got yourself a new roommate. Oh yeah. Yeah, totally. Also, do you catch the wardrobe here? He's wearing a big button down shirt like he's fucking Norm McDonald in 1998. Holy shit this shirt. What is it? You got a ticket to the dad. Oh, man, yeah, you don't want a ticket to this dance, detective. Come up after the game, it's Nash on the USA Network. You'll have to change channel to the USA Network, but it will be technically after the game. It's not going to be on NBC broadcast. I'll tell you that right, goddamn now.

USA characters welcome, dot, not here. Now, you know, when we do get to the fourth season of Nash, of course, it will become the first season of Blanca PD. Oh, my God. I would love Blanca PD. Oh, this just in before the seventh inning stretch. Update Nash canceled before the premiere. Someone saw a clip of Chris Klein and that's here to Nash. So everybody turn off your DVRs because you're just going to have a couple of episodes

a sign film that we're stitching together for you. In fact, this commercial has been canceled all together. So that's a ball. And we're coming up on the next pitch here. We're going to be doing what it's Chicago PD. Chicago, what else can we do? Chicago Culinary Institute. Hell yeah, dude.

The CCIA. We're going to just cross that in there, too, with the cops and the firemen and the chefs of Chicago. Oh, the CIC, dude, the Chicago, or the Culinary Institute of Chicago. The Chicago universe. I'm terrified to go there. So much bad stuff happens. I've only seen an episode of Chicago Med because a friend of ours was on it. Yes.

Yes. I haven't seen any of these shows, but I know there's medical problems. There's fire problems. There's police problems. My gosh. There's food problems. too and if somebody would just pick up the damn pen we could get there I'm cool Chicago health inspector there's a much Bangkok IT that's the show so question I have here so this lady's like you gotta go to

Bangkok you got to find again fair enough right at no point does she specify that this woman has to move there entirely just come again she's to move there and then live like a street urchin like it's fucking Aladdin none of this is specified in that old lady's instruction she just says to fucking fine Robin Shoes character. And later on we find out like, you know, when I think Chris Klein's like, who's this mysterious lady? And he looks up as this pianist missing or whatever. So she just

quit the fuck. She didn't quit. She didn't give notice. No. She just left. You should have said like, look, I got to go do this thing. I'll be back in a couple months. Whatever. She says that she's going to be back at some point because she's telling, as she's closing down this house, she's telling all of the house staff who are now losing

their fucking jobs. Like, oh, don't worry. I'll be back. You can be my footman again another time maybe what are you doing to these people well they're gonna live on the street and learn how to be gritty and like self-sufficient as well like just like she is they're gonna they're gonna batman as well can i uh send you a scroll to stay and keep my job i send you a scroll to i mean if you can do whatever some scroll says i could i'll get you a scroll i would love to see a shot of like the old shopkeep lady picks up the newspaper a week from when she met her or whatever and she's like absconded

I just told her to go to Bangkok Why was the house vacated? I imagine she would just book a trip And like a vacation Like what it was convenient Just go to Bangkok We'll take two seconds So yeah

As was written in the scroll This narration I had to become one With the rhythm of the streets I had to become one with the people of Bangkok And you see her walking through the rain She's sleeping on the street

Is so bad Is there another version A director's cut without the voiceover Shut the fuck off. Yeah, totally. Like Blade Runner. Yes. Yes.

Although with the Blade Runner cuts, I'll watch any Blade Runner cut you give me. I'll never fucking watch this thing again. The Hong Kong shots and the Bangkok shots are pretty fun. I think the actual scene in the city is kind of neat. Oh, sure. In movies like this, Steve, it is always important to turn to the fucking B-roll. Those exteriors, what looks interesting?

Because it's nothing to do with the main scene. You see in the Hong Kong stuff, I'm like, oh, man, I wish was the Siddeo-Rothrock movie. Yeah. watching some Hong Kong classic right now. A actual movie. They should just make a travelogue. Like have, you know, Chun Lee's like trying like the street food. Every day was a struggle.

Every meal was a gift. This was all so new to me. Life was so hard. I couldn't just play a grand piano in the middle of an alley somewhere. But she's rich. No one told you to sleep on the street. I always again was just like, who told you to sleep on the street? At least Bruce Wayne was like, if I have to get into the fucking criminal mind,

I'm going to be a crime fighter. I got to fucking get in there and whatever. This lady just wants to find proof of life on death. You see here they developed that other character played by Christian Bail. Oh, that's what it was, huh? You understand, Chundley, we have a great Ramada Inn right over there. It's actually, I mean, if you're looking to save some money, it's not that expensive. It's not a five-star hotel, Chunley.

It's totally fine. Like there's a nice continental breakfast in the morning. Do you have a dump I could look through for food? Because that's what I would like to be doing here now. getting this information. Chasing a ghost I may never find. Also, don't we don't we have to start caring about Mermance and the White Rose around now? And this is just, it's one, there's several too many, but this is the first of many too much. Yes. This is where it's, it's, it's the scene of M. Bison's big model of Bangkok that he's got like Doc Brown's garage here in this fucking thing.

And he's, it's this whole, it's a, it's a land grab deal where Bison is, just like he's buying he's having a company buy real estate on the water that's like just apartment buildings or whatever and then he's going to have those people who are in cahoots with him sell those land rights back to him at a price and he's going to raise the land

and like build shit it's a real fucking Jared Kushner plan here. It's a developer as a villain. That's Kushner I don't believe maybe he does I don't know. Have an Irish accent? See, have a private army that helps him out with all this because that's the whole They might come in and help him. I'm

Sure M. Bison could have gotten a deal with the Iranians and the Israelis done before. Or, he kidding me. He would have made this real quick. Kushner would do better to wear the M. Bison hat with a little skull on it. Oh, totally. Yeah. That's halfway to his fucking Nazi Halloween costume anyway. But yeah, so this is where Balrog comes up and he's like, yeah, I have this letter.

It's about the white rose or whatever. And there's a great, it's like something, something, oh, we think Chunnley might be in Bangkok. And a great Michael Clark Duncan. we'll find her. Like he, I think, is the only one that remembered they made another Street Fighter movie and he's playing the tone of the Desuzza movie. Yes, he's having fun with this.

It's a mustache twirler. That guy could twirl a mustache. So, major L.O.L to Chun Lee getting this fucking free spring roll here on the street. She's like staring at this lady making all these delicious looking spring rolls and the lady goes to give her one. She's like trying to pay for it. And he's like, no, to know. Clearly you're on a quest for some bad

movie. Thank God. You know, the director is thinking here because I think, what, five minutes goes by before you flashed back and like, but she had a web tattoo. Oh, do you remember that she got a free spring roll, but she also had a web dead too? Maybe this is why conservatives hate giving money to the homeless because they just

assume that they're all on some mystical, they're secretly rich on some mystical quest and they can't give them three bucks on their way to Starbucks. Absolutely, yep. You don't want to turn them into Batman. They'll come and get you. You know, he's just going to not use that money on booze, you know. He's going to use it to find some fucking blue poppy. He's going to work for Raz Algoal.

This guy's going to sit outside. You give him 20 bucks now. He's going to sit outside of dojo until they let him in. You know what? You fucking gave him $20. He's going to burn down your fucking ninja house. How about that? I'm not underwriting this guy's karate education, okay?

He fucking flew here on a private plane. I saw that shit happen. Fucking cos-playing as a poor guy. So this is she after she gets to the spring roll She sees another dude being beaten up here and then this is like Hey you watch that or whatever you got this guy this great None of your business baby which is awesome and she could fight which is cool She does do do some fights here but I don't understand she fights and she wins and then she passes out

I don't this is so weird she's doing this whole fight very energetic she's she beats all these guys Her last ounce of strength she she dumps this question mark streets a street a street shelving unit a shelving unit that's on the street just a case for the street gotcha dumps it on these guys and then she immediately passes out afterwards it doesn't make sense so it's like showing that she's good enough to beat all these guys but she was just exhausted I yeah maybe her like if it was a fighting game like her life

level was like really low you know like she was almost in the finish him mode the blood sugar I mean that was just one egg roll she got there I don't know that's right I mean but There's a way to do this that's much more fun, where maybe she gets hit with something by one of these guys as she hits them or whatever. Because also like the fighting in the street fighter games is like more like fun and loose than the Mortal Kombat fight or other fighting games for that matter. It's like sillier. You need these fights to all be cartoony in one way. The Balrog fight in the home invasion is kind of that.

But this is just like straight up like Scott Adkins. Ninja 2 just kicking the shit out of people and you're like, no, no, no, it's got to be slightly stupid. No, but none of that. So she passes out low blood sugar. We see another tatted hand pick her up and wouldn't you know when she wakes up

at Gens place? This is the great Robin Shue is again. This dude is now in both Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter franchises. I didn't realize. Robin Shue in this movie is fucking Patrick Ewing on the Orlando Magic. Yes. Oh my God. This is like a legend from another franchise,

and a shittier one. You're totally right. He's got a shittier haircut in this movie. They're making him look older than he was to. Gen is another, I think the Street Fighter Alpha character who's used an old, is he supposed to be an older guy? He's a classic like old master

kind of dude. Got it. Sort of like a nice guy version of Shangsun almost. Yeah, exactly. But it just sucks here, man. It's so bad. And again is like, oh yeah, I used to work for Shattelau, but now

I'm going to, you know, give you this opportunity to fight with the Order of the Web or whatever and then my god a training montage hits multiple training a lot of training in this I mean you got what you wanted folks you wanted to see girls train training to

ultimately not do too much no I mean it seems the same every fight seems the same not much group fighting you would think if you're going to be part of like the Legion of the Web or whatever the fuck you would have something like that but no there's nothing like that group fighting

polycombat yeah polycombat polycule cop, polycombat. Um, honey, I'm sorry. I'm going to go, I'm going to go fight with Sean tonight. I'll be, I'll be back before 10. I promise.

What if I also fall with Sean with you? The rule was if we're both coming, it has to be a 24 to 36 hour advance notice. All right. You know the rules of this. But I'll call, I'll call Sean see how he's in. I'll see what's happening here. But the one thing that we learn in the training amount, not learned, but show, is the fireball thing.

Yes. Which is cool. But the. dialogue is missing as to what the fireball it needs to either be, you know, when you reach a certain level of consciousness, yada, yada, yada, or you can you know, some thing.

After the ritual of who gives a shit, you can now. Ceremonial type of thing. Like, do it once. You have to master this or whatever. Because I mean, in that new Mortal Kombat, the 2021 one, they have a thing like that where it's like you don't get like your special Mortal Kombat

power until you're like pissed off or whatever it is. And that whole movie is them like trying to get some of the fighters like enraged in the way that their powers will come out like you need that. But what this is is you see Gen doing it and he's just got this ball and it's looking awesome or whatever. She's just watching him so impressed

that she looks like she's about to cry. Like she's just seen the most beautiful work of art ever bestowed upon human eyeballs and she's holding back tears. I mean I'd be pretty emotional. There's a fireball in this world. I didn't know we had that. That dude could make a fucking fireball.

Oh, shit. shit. Here we go, though. This is, we're knocking this awful narration. I think this is the nadir, though. I had to find out, beat, beat, about Shattelow. She goes to an internet cafe in Bangkok, and this is the, she's got to go to computers. I mean, she doesn't even have a guy jail doing her computer work. I can't believe it. She's doing it herself. But it is so funny because she just reads about this M. Bison land deal in like an online newspaper site or something for two seconds and then just leaves and that's the

scene in this internet cafe and the next part is Chris if I'm mistaken it's Chris Klein and Maya like stalking M. Bison's secretary who we've never seen before. Yes. We needed to set this lady up as like you know what maybe

instead of Balrog doing it giving him the thumb drive it's this lady's like ah my most trusted assistant exactly something something so you're saying this lady is not a fighter in one of these games She is not. She doesn't have a hyperlink. Contana? It sounds like she should be.

Yeah, it sounds like Katana. And I was like, wait a minute. That's a different one. But they also do this. Like, while they're waiting to do this, they have the stakeout sequence right? Where they're waiting outside. And then Ball Rock comes out. And they're like, Chris Klein's like, well, we can't be noticed.

So there's a making out part. Yes, yes, yes, yes. They're staking out. She's going to a club because she likes to go to this character. We've never seen before. I have no idea. No thing about. The only thing we saw it, like the intro is.

she's shaking down the, it's the board of directors at Bangkok City Hall. And she's what we're, it's like all these dudes like signing some agreement. And she's like, okay, now that all the signatures have been given, your children have been returned. So Bison has kidnapped, like the fucking penguin has kidnapped the first born children or whatever. Of him like letting the kids out of the cages or something. Totally. I wish. But yeah, she goes to a club.

Chris Klein and Maya are stocking out outside. and they make out because someone's going to see them. The funny part is they never go in the club. Like if you're staking out a club, like later on, like after all the action happens to hear gunshots, like, I guess we should go inside that club. What are you doing?

Of course, go inside the club. Also, when the gunshots are happening, it cuts to the car. Chris Klein is sleeping. He's sleeping on the job. She's going to that club. They're just sitting out there. I wonder what's going on in there. Do you think they're doing like a legal business stuff in that club? I wish we.

there was some way for us to find out. I'm sorry, but it is a little funny because the name of the club is in Zomnia. Oh, there is. It's a little, you know,

it's absolutely the worst joke I ever thought of. So this dance sequence, my God, right? What is this dance sequence? Well, because my,

uh, Katana, it's the early 09s and we need to move some DVDs. There needs to be a whiff of a lesbians. We're not going to do it. We're not going to do it.

There needs to be a whiff of a lesbian. But her and Chunley start dancing with each other. It's a very funny looking dance of where they're sort of like dry-humping air in front of each other and like the expression on their face is like they're trying to smell each other but not really. It's sort of like dogs meeting to mate

or something. Yes, absolutely. And also I have to point out because this is dumb as shit. You have this club scene either be cool with playing an unedited track or pick a different song. They're playing a radio edit of whatever this song

is. So it's all the like sexy are these two girls going to kiss dance moves or whatever but you keep and it's not like bleep noises whatever it's just like the audio goes out so we're doing all the sexy dancing but then like every time there's a curse word and whatever this song is it just drops the audio

it's one of those 16 plus clubs maybe it's all virgin cocktails there's no alcohol in the place at all another round of Shirley Temples for me and my friends and I'm playing don't stop the rock again stop the rock don't stop the rock yo couple dot coax right here

Yeah, but the funny thing is before I realized, like, what was happening, I thought for it, because you see the lady and she's like looking around at all these women at the club and I was like, well, she works for M. Bison. Is this a sex trafficking thing? No, this is just a night out for this lady. Well, because she's a bad guy and she's a lesbian and which makes her a vampire kind of, you know what I mean? That's kind of how that math works. Has some kind of superpower. I don't know about the vampire necessarily. And then we get this bathroom fight, which reminded me of Mission Impossible Fallout. Me too. Yeah, totally. Chunley's like doing like a honeypot on. I'm like, oh, come to the bathroom, you know. Totally.

For computers. I just got to show you this thing about computers in the fucking stall. It is a great like this lady sees like two women leave the toilet and then like closes the bathroom and locks it. And then you better be good and sure that the only person in there is the person you're presuming you're going to hook up with here. I thought I was going to start watching the beginning of Brian De Palma's film Fatal. Oh, hell yeah. Um, but somehow a better movie. It's a great movie.

Um, but Brian DeBalma Street Fighter would be pretty interesting. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, probably be really bad, but in a funner way than this. Right. But he could do like those split shots he does.

Oh yeah. You pull out the middle and it says versus and it goes up and then we start the whole That's actually kind of something. Brian. John Luthgow is, uh, is, um, bison. Yes. That'd be amazing. Get out of here, Charlie.

nobody wants you anymore. Hi, run shuttle, Lou, get out. Who would Travolta play? Oh, good question. I think you probably can't work on. Yeah, can't work on. Yeah, I'm Ken.

It's cool. Hey, you want to get in the street fight? It's all right. Blowout, blowout. That's his power move. Dennis Francis Flunker. He's just farting. He, he, he, he, he, he.

Oh, no, his electric farts. He is. such a great scumbag in that movie. He is. But this is where I was for surprise. I was like, the violence in this fight is pretty crazy because she kicks this woman through a glass stall door here

smashes this woman's head against the sink. Wouldn't you know it, by the way, after that sink smashing, we're just getting soaking wet. We're still fighting, but we're getting soaking wet. They still might kiss. I'm not changing it yet. But then you see Chunley escapes

right here into like the back champagne room area. She gets information about the white rose, who cares? And then she doesn't. But she straight up shoots a dude to death. Yes, which I was surprised by at this point. She grabs this gun and like shoots him in the heart with it. Right. Like this dude is on the ground and she's like tackled him off of like a stripper pole or something.

And she just shoots this dude in the heart. And I was like, wow, I didn't think this movie was doing that. Which brings me to a question though, because I rented this on Apple where you had the option to rent an unrated version? I did not. That I just checked it really quickly. I was like, what is the fucking difference here? And the internet was like, it's less than a minute. You just kind of see some split second more violence.

So that's what I was curious. Do you see her like actually shoot this dude in the chest? Yeah. Okay, you did see it. Look at the squib. It was a pop. Okay, no, because I did see that too, but I was curious that made it to the theatrical of this thing. But Chris Klein and Maya are running in here at this point.

She does the, this is where she does the handstand. upside down kick. It's cool. It's cool. I think even Mingna does that in the D'Souza joint. We never figure out the extra kick one, the one where you heard. I guess it's really hard to do. That takes probably some more wire work than they had the budget for.

The super kick you mean. Yeah. Where you keep hitting the kick button and she did. Like the easiest, your beginner street fighter move is like, I'm going to use Jen Liggs. All I have to do is keep hitting kick. I think the trade off. Chris Klein pulls his gun. Stop pressing A.

Stop pressing A. You're cheap. It's cheap. It's cheating. Um, uh, sorry. No, no, no. It happens. She's, oh gosh, she's sweeping him again.

Another fucking leg sweep once again. Remembered what I was going to say. It is, I think the replacement for that move, though, she does do a cool bicycle kick in this movie, which I don't think was part of her arsenal. Yeah. That's a, that's a Lou Kang thing. That's what I always thought. But she does do a pretty cool bicycle kick here. So maybe that was like, well, we can't do the big one, but she can do a little kicks.

Robin's shoes like, huh, interesting. Yeah, oh, look at that. Oh, a bicycle kick.

Oh, that's familiar. What's next? You're going to turn into a dragon and eat somebody? You know what? We had Chris Farley do that in Beverly Hills Ninja. You know,

I've never seen Beverly Hills Ninja. Really? Yeah, the Robin Shoe Classic. I know that he's... You are totally fun. Yeah. It's embarrassing.

It seems like it was an embarrassing situation for a guy that I love. Yeah, it was a filmography that was fading fast. Better than, what was the, Wagon's East?

No, almost heroes. Wagon's, was the can. Candy one. Yeah, I'm thinking of other fat men. Candy and those. Almost heroes, yes.

Both of those are terrible. I mean, Beverly Hills Ninja is better than almost heroes. It's kind of surprising that James Gandalfini wasn't making a frontier motion picture when he died. He was just on vacation in Italy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm a first rapper in Canada. Although the accounts of candies last night on that set was like he ate a feast for one kind of deal. Gandalfini did the same thing in Italy

than the 949. You got to watch those big feast meals if you're a big guy. The smoked meats. Yeah, yeah, no. You got to watch it. Can't be doing that all the time. So she, Chunley escapes here, jumps off this building.

She is sure to give money to this, like, mother that's on the street or whatever because she's stolen a big wad of cash, like, from the dude that I think she butchers in that champagne room. I'm going to give you this money, but you better not be spending this on some quest okay. So it cuts to Neil McDonough as Mike Bison

punching a woman to death. What the fuck is this scene? This might be the extended cut because at the end, the beginning of the way I saw it. Yeah. She's just like he's, you don't even know what he's doing and he's just like, well, that's the problem with employees.

And then you cut and he's like punching a few more times, but she's clearly dead. Yeah, yeah. No, she's dead the whole scene. Okay. He's got like, you broke my heart or whatever. Oh, see that, we don't get the, you can broke my heart. Oh, you broke my heart.

And then so did you get this though? Because I find this quite funny. So this woman is fucking dead, like chained up like Mel Gibson and lethal weapon. Yeah. Fucking dead. Balrog, I think, comes in and it's like, that's fucked up. And leaves or something. Here he comes.

You say, that's fucked up. There he goes. He thought it was fucked up. There he goes. Here comes to bow rock. Here comes to power rock. But so Neil McDonough. M. Bison, played by Neil McDonnell.

It's very important that this M. Bison is being played by Neil McDonough, in this moment. Kisses the forehead of the dead woman. Oh, interesting. So, okay, Neil McDonough, you can't kiss a live woman on the lips because of your wife, but you'll fucking kiss a dead corpse's forehead? Okay. If they're dead, it's okay, I think.

I think that's probably a thing with the wife, you probably brought that up. Like, if it's a dead, if it's a corpse, can I kiss that? Yeah, it's fine, honey. Do you think there's any kind of like necrophiliac polycule, like, yes? Yes, probably. possible. There's sick fucks everywhere. Everything you can think of has happened. So there's definitely someone out there that's like

me and my old, me and my old lady, yeah, sometimes we fuck dead bodies. Maybe it's, you know how some couples have a hall pass. Like, you know what I mean? If you run into whomever you can have sex in that person. Maybe some people have mask cards. You know what I mean? Like, just if you run into

a dead person, you can fuck them. Their grave site just happens to be on your walk home. Do you have to have the one from the server? though. Does it have to be the actual the picture and then there's some psalm on the back or whatever the fuck? We go to a club called

Is that a cemetery? It's sexeteria Does that work? Sure. Yeah, that's something. The sexeteria? Let's go have a bite at the sexeteria. But then you don't have the dead people. That sounds like secretaries. But maybe they're dead. Oh, dead secretaries. Now we're talking beetle juice, dude.

that was a band I saw once so it's kind of funny because there is a great Nash is pissed off at one point because like they just can't figure out who Chun Lee is they're like who's fucking doing all this stuff I can't figure this movie out

he's so upset about it which is awesome trying to pay attention but there's six handcuffs here and I can't really stop thinking about my boner I'm sorry all right when they're at her apartment at some point I think that's what he's picking her up for the club he's like to go to the club

this is interesting or whatever dog shit. It's like gold depleted handcuffs too, I think. Seems aggressive lady I would like to have sex with who I'm also supposed to respect. Why don't they just fuck if that's the case? Just like have that happen in the movie so something happens. And it could have been right here. Like they have fucked and then it's like got to go to work, babe or something like that. Quickie. Who cares?

So the whole thing, I guess it's like there's a little bit of like a legend being rude about Chun Lee here because like everyone on the streets of Bangkok refuses. to talk to Chris, Chris Klein here. Because she's doing like, I guess she's doing that stuff. And also like, the, the shadow Lou corporation is buying up the town and like putting eviction notice. We did skip. There is, yeah, there was that montage of bison, like, kicking people out of the neighborhood.

All these people were being evicted, a bunch of posters coming up. People literally being like pushed down the street. Sure. And it's identified as like being like a real like scummy area town, like falling apart. And then later in the movie like Maya is like, Some of us grew up here. We don't like the idea of it going away. You didn't like it to begin with.

I mean, I'm not for bison or gentrification or developers, but like, it seems like a shitty neighbor. It was, but they could afford it. And now they're going to be on the streets. We do have a garbage. I just, I thought that last one was the worst, but this is also terrible. Tell me about bison. And then this is, Robin Chu gives us this flashback. This is the whole shit about.

like the Irish parents died when he's an infant. Well, he likes a pint. It's one thing if it's like, ah, it's an Irish immigrant that blah, blah, blah, blah. He does a blood ceremony. This is where I'm like, yeah.

I'm like, what movie am I even watching? It doesn't have anything to do with the movie that I'm wanting. Like, he does this ceremony. It's like, oh, and he wanted to lose his conscience.

So he took his pregnant wife and put his con, ribs her belly like fucking like, I don't even know it. Like a Kronenberg movie kind of for a second. the new French extreme movie inside just without the scissors It's so crazy I mean it's something like like

All of his goodness went into her So that he was like He had to transfer the goodness of his soul Into his unborn daughter we're told And then can kill it Or does he not kill the baby? No he does because the baby goes back The baby goes yes okay

But it comes back But it's bizarre because like he's like Oh it's conscience is now in the bait And the girl He's a bad guy but not that He doesn't kill Chun Lee Like he leaves people alive all the time Yeah, this whole like forcing my hands

Into the belly of a person Bison raid himself of goodness by passing it into her A conduit for his soul Just to be a better criminal And it just doesn't make any god dang sense And then the funniest part is We hear this horror story As told by Gann to Chunley

It cuts out of the flashback And Chunley Is not for phased by this in the slightest. I have follow-up questions. The reaction is like, if I were to ask you, Steve, like, Steve, what did you have for lunch today? I had a salad, actually, chopped salad.

Huh. That's what, she hears a horror story about a man putting his hands literally into a woman and pulling the baby out. And it seems like it kills the mother too probably. Oh, yeah, she's fucking dead. And her reaction is just like, huh, who's for coffee? I mean, we could have had Vega help out with this. Yeah, somebody.

Do you skip over the Vegas section? He's coming up, I think, because he gets sent, Chun Lee. He gets sent to fight Chun Lee. We just see him for a minute after the, or right before they all get slaughtered. Well, because Balrog shows up at Gens Place right here. They raid Gens place and Robin Shue's fighting some dudes. There's a great Balrog, say good night, baby. Because he shoots an RPG at him.

Yeah, the rocket launcher. Yeah, they shoot it like into his house, which is really great. And then Chunley finds like this medallion that she thinks is all that's left of Gann is the idea. So, yeah, Bison right here sends Vega to take care of Chunley. That medallion could be explained is why he could do fireballs. That'd be fucking cool. That's so easy to do it. I wear this around me.

If I have this on me, it can feel my chakra to this, that, and the other thing. And that's how a fucking fireball comes out of my hand. And then if you have it, then you can do it. Oh, that's cool. I'll never be able to do that. Oh, I did it at the end. Yay, it's a movie. It would be a thing for a character to accomplish and change throughout the course of

the story, absolutely. So the whole thing is Bison is concerned also that Chunley the big White Rose Bangkok delivery is coming into the docks tonight and he's like, that Chun Lee I think is going to try to fuck this up for me, Vega, you better go take care of this. Remember, no, I mean,

I don't know this guy taboo. I got lost looking at him up. I mean, he's like a five foot tall Vega. It's very unintimating. The mask looks kind of terrible. How do you fuck up a mask? It's a really easy. I think the problem here, I don't even think it's the problem is the math.

Problem is that he's not shirtless. Yes. You have to have that hole has to go all together. I think the mask looks stupid because of the shirts on. Do you think Taboo was kind of nervous about taking a shirt up on camera? Maybe. I don't know what Taboo looks like. I think we should have warmed him up a little bit.

Like underneath the clothes. I was going to say he takes the mask up in this movie. No, no. Like if he's got like a six-back or what have you. I don't know. When the mask is broken off in this fight with Chunley and she's like, I see why you wear a mask. you're like you're ugly or whatever she basically says you're ugly or whatever but but

she looks totally fine taboo's a totally handsome handsome it's fucking crazy I mean he's no Apple D-Dap or Will I am but uh or Fergie oh Apple D-D-Dap is the fourth one that nobody remember I'm the same will I would with this guy Will I am Furgy Taboo and Apple D-D-Dap I did not know that okay I did not know about Is that real is that like a that's not like a cartoon dinosaur

you're talking about Apple D-D-Dap Apple D-D-Dap but it's it's spelled stupidly too. I was not a real child rapper of some kind. Not a fan of their music. I couldn't get it started or the non-

couldn't get it started or the 2006 version of getting it. Great Chris Klein shit delivery here. He's on a computer doing some hacking trying to figure out, trying to crack this Chun Lee case. He goes,

you got ghosts. Let's see him. Tibbitty tap tap. And then he goes, it's a really great. Chun Lee. Oh my God. David.

Like he says Chun Lee in the same tone. You'd be like, who farted. Something, something she gets kidnapped, Chunley does, right? She's trying to infiltrate the docs or whatever. We do get Vega versus Chunley, right? That's where this happens.

And she's investigating the docs, talking to some people. And then what do you know, guess who has a criminal enterprise at the docs? Apple Died Dap. Michael Bison. Apple Dedy Dap in conjunction with Michael, Michael, Michael. I really think you've pulled my leg. If I look up later and you made up Apple Dyson, Dap, I'll be really pissed.

Dude, I'll five bucks on Apple Died Dap me in the fourth black eyed B. It's not like a gummy you just have. No, I can't do these shows stone, dude. I can't drive and fucking be high, so no, I'm completely sober. The fourth black I'd be is a person named Apple Dede Dap. It's a hell of a strain, though. It's spelled stupid. Oh, yeah, but

if you get Apple Dap and a fucking knock your ass. It's a TV. Wake up with your kidney missing. She goes to some security office really quickly here. and like breaks this dude's arm because he won't give information. Yeah, there's a fun like running gag.

She does it twice. And then, but she gets kidnapped. Yes. And immediately like they, they, he shows, Mike Bison shows her father. Yes. And it breaks his neck in like seconds.

It's really fucking funny. It's so funny. Good part. It's just like, I'm going to break this dude's neck right in front of you. Like six inches from your fucking face. After you have reunited with this dude 30 seconds ago. really wild but the dumbest

Neil McDonnell line happens here where uh dude I hate it but even milk has an expiration date I was like milk is the most famous thing to have an expiration date he's like oh yes this is your father he is the milk of my enterprise I don't know what that means what is you're like using his semen

I don't get and even milk is an expiration date breaks it breaks his neck and then a door opens and a hundred Chun Li's walk out who's been using that Chun Li biological material of the sperm. I see. To make a super army of Chun Li's to fight Chun Li. How about that? Now you're talking a plot point of a Resident Evil sequel I watched the other day. Really? Yeah. There's a lot of Alice's. There's Alice clones.

They're kind of doing like a, oh, the Nolan magician movie. They were doing a prestige like, oh, the clone got killed at this far indebted. the mission, dump it in the fucking pile with the... And you just see a pile of Alice's. This is an interesting update because last week we did Resident Evil Apocalypse and apparently you've gone through the entire franchise. I'm almost there, as a matter of fact,

I've seen five of the six Milo-Jum of Invention movies. Yeah, yeah. No, no. That's just real loser shit. You're not cut yourself a check, right? Here's the thing. Don't put it for overtime for this. No OT, but I'll tell you this, the pleasant thing about these sequels, much like Apocalypse, and I think

the first week. They're all between like 95 and 97 minutes. So you're in and out. So yeah, I'm wasting my life, but it's a small portion of my life that I'm wasting. It's kind of great. So like, M. Bison breaks his neck. Yes. And it's like,

aha, Balrog, take care of her. And Belrog's like, absolutely. Hey, small henchmen, go in there and take, like, no, Balrock, I told you to do it. Hey, other guys that you have not met yet and will not see in any other scenes, but this one. Would you please take care of the titular character for me?

I would tell Sagat to do it, but we're saving him for the sequel. God. But Chunley does escape and kick the shit out of them immediately. This is kind of a fun thing where she's on a rope kind of going back and forth. It's one of the more inventive of the fight scenes sort of. She escapes into a hallway here. Did anybody catch the audio that's going on? It's like an apartment building or something that she breaks out of or like office.

An office building is my guess. She's like there's other people around or whatever Someone is like watching pornography or there's like loud fucking like she goes out into this hallway And you can hear just like Ah, ah, ah, ah. I thought because I had another tab open.

He can't be watching two movies at once like that. He was looking up taboo, you understand And then he goes just for computer help. It turns into this shootout in the street And these dudes are chasing her. The funniest thing about this chase through the streets As these guys are intentionally knocking down food carts that

they didn't need to knock down. Like she's just running a straight line like down this market and they're chasing her but then like also destroying businesses at the same time. That's why people are pelted them with fucking melons in a minute. It is awesome. It doesn't you fucking get the night ripper dude. The fucking community comes together to get that

dude out in the street. They predicted all the rotten tomatoes that would be happening here. She gets shot. It kind of doesn't matter. She takes a bullet for this. It's like a little kid. She takes a bullet for whatever. And that's what inspires the community to rally behind her. And then Genn gives her a bath and that means

the bullets okay. Yes, it does. The bullet comes out. You don't see it. And by the way, Gann is alive. After that fucking rocket launcher went and it was a part. He also says at this point, like, there's not much more for me to teach you. I'm like, you haven't done shit, dude. Totally. Real, like, was it your first year teaching somebody? This is embarrassing.

This student has learned nothing from you. Tilda Swinton did more in fucking Dr. Strange than you did for this, brother. Come on now. Some work. He straight up has, like, healing powers here, too. She's got the gunshot wound in her arm or whatever. He just fucking puts his hand over. That's the end of that.

No explanation. Pretty cool. There should also be a, hey, I know when my apartment got the rocket launcher attack, I lost my medallion. I know for a fact you took it from the rubble. Could I have that back? That's how I'm magic after all. Like, none of that is discussed. I don't even think you see the magic amulet ever again.

No. Might not. And then like basically Chunli just goes up to Charlie as like the docs are happening tonight, right? That's kind of, they've never talked to each other ever. No. Nope. She's, I don't, we understand that he understands who she is. We have no indication that she knows who he might be.

Yeah, no clue how she knows to go to him. She goes to his apartment. Like he's drinking whiskey. Oh, it's a safe house. Excuse me. They're off the case now. Charlie and Maya are like thrown off the case or whatever. So he turns to booze.

He drops that glass of whiskey because what's that a chud Lee in my house? Are you friends in Maya? Are you single? How are you doing? Chris Klein. Chun Lee's like, hey, Nash, you're going to need some backup at the docs. And he's like getting all his dudes ready. So there's like a Nash Interpol force right here or whatever.

And then this is where Maya shows up with her guys. And then she's like, we all grew up in this neighborhood. We don't want to see it disappear. You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us. Yeah. Oh, and fucking Spider-Man's coming in, too. Yeah.

Come on. Bangkok. Spider-Man's hero. Bangkok. Bangkok Spider-Spiderman's a movie I'd watch. Oh, totally. Absolutely. That's a one-season thing Amazon would cancel,

even though everybody really liked it. Here's, I'm going to get my sidekick out here, orange to jorange. Hilarious, um, Balrog and Bison show up. Right as Nash discovers there's like a bomb in the safe house. How'd that get? Who gives a shit how that got there? Hilarious Chris Klein jumping in front of the explosion as it goes. It's so, this movie's almost worth watching for Chris Klein's performance.

It's almost. Yes, like we said before, it's like a Decker or an Eagle Heart. It's very bizarre. Hill Hart, yes, Chris Alley, dude, right? But Decker is readily available, and I would really tell you, if you're going to pick one of the two, go for Decker, I would say. Chunley jumps on this boat, the White Rose, and there's this single Russian peasant girl there. You don't really know what's going on. Oh, shit, the White Rose is a person.

Which is also funny because that's something that happens in a lot in movies. It's like, this is coming into the dock. It's the White Rose. Oh, my, what, it's a person. because in other movies other people are like, what could the white rose be? They never do that. Nobody gives a shit. No one has that question of like

what is he moving. They never asked that question. By the way, Rose is another street fighter character. Is that right? Apparently she's an Italian lady that has like tarot powers I believe or something. Wait a second though. Isn't she like a bison clone?

That's what I read too, yes. I did read that about and I didn't realize it was that character. But apparently in this movie she's just his jirder who he has weirdly not only made but also given all of his good stuff too sure the conduit and too

whatever but you know you know you were this whole movie and doing this thing I was like oh man I should look into those other street fighters and now you're reminding me not to what you've said about street fighter sounds terrible wait so it's a person and it's on a ship

this is usual suspect shit what's going on here totally dude yeah the usual suspects needed a Russian orphan, though. That would have been... I'm telling you, it's him by Michael Bison! Or I just want

Chun Lee to go to Charlie and ask there ain't no fucking coke. So we get a... There's a Genn versus Balrog fight that's actually kind of something. Fucking Michael Clark Duncan hits Robin Shue with a big like helium canister.

Like one of those big ass... You know, tank. You know, torpedo-sized canisters. He's just whipping them with it, like a Baseball bat, which is kind of cool. That's got to hurt. Yeah. What happens to Balrog here?

He gets a pipe in him and he's filled with gas? Liquid nitrogen, I think. Yeah. Mine was like a coolant pipe of some kind that sort of freezes him. He turns into a gargoyle. It's not really like defined as to what happens to him. In your research reading through all the street fighters, does Balrog turn into a gargoy? I will have to come back next week.

You know, we'll edit it in. We'll wait. And if you didn't hear anything, I didn't do that. There we go. I was going to say at this point, I did. I did. I took a break to go to the bathroom. I did not pause. So I did not see what happened with him. I assumed like eyes popping out of the head and like steam coming out of his years while this was happening. I would be kind of. She just, it's like a mask kind of death.

It's. That sounds bad. That sounds bad. Wackluster. And like Shunley's out of the movie for a large part of the end of this movie. Absolutely is. It's a lot of Genn stuff. Genn kills Balrog. Genn fights bison twice. Like he fights him once and he's like, we get the. the hello old friend, hello old friend. Oh, yep, totally. And he beats him really quickly. And again, M. Bison,

who has no conscience, because he's given it to his daughter, does not just kill this dude on the ground. Like, he just leaves him to come back and then, like, he gets it. Well, you know, yeah, you can still be super lazy and not have a conscience. Yeah, I guess that's true. Do you get a, like, again,

Michael? A little back and forth. I was, I was like, I was like, I was like, he does have some kind of like, you're slower than you used to be old friend or something. you again, again? So he won't kill people, but what he's listening to music on the subway without headphones. Is that what he's doing? He's downloading off Napster.

Oh shit, totally, dude. Yeah, just stealing music from people like Metallica. Going to crowded bars asking for samples of beer over and over again. Oh, God. Don't you hate those people? I fucking despise. Doing the same thing in an ice cream parlor. You know how you sample a beer or ice cream?

You order the whole fucking thing. Do you know what beer is? It tastes like that. Do you guys have this happen to you often? I think I've seen this happen once. I got fucked over at the ice cream parlor just down the street. Ice cream. Not Baskin Robbins.

Bears, yes. It was serious. It was out of borough ice cream. This is how normal it's become. This is this will set your hair on fire. Okay. Uh-oh. The bartender now asks you,

do you just want to try, you want to try a sip? No, I don't. No, I don't. Really? I'll try a fucking pint like a normal person. Part of drinking is sometimes, you order a bad beer, a bad cocktail. You just drink it, buddy.

You just drink that down real fast. You get another one. You pretend it never happened. I one time ordered a Sierra Nevada Bigfoot, which I think is like a barley wine. Yes, I think you're right. It's one of the worst things I ever had in my life. And you know what?

I fucking drank that whole thing. You did. We were at standings down in the village. It was fucking horrible. And I was like, you know what? I bought it, baby. Well, it's that signfield thing. That sound of the can opening is the sound of you buying.

the soda. That's what buying a beer is. I'm sorry. And it'll say stout or sour or whatever. Someone in their car or whoever is listening to this is like, how dare they? Well, you know what? Remember this when your favorite bar closes. The same about all that beer

that they're just thrown out the window. Also, how dare we? Maybe you're the annoying one. Maybe you're bothering people and you don't even know it. Maybe you get up there, you order it and you get the fuck out of the way. Maybe you shut up. And if you're going into an ice cream parlor, you try one flavor.

I'm sorry. I got caught behind a mother and two kids the other day. I ate those kids. The mother and then it was like a, like the sister of the mother and then like the two kids. We're all multiple samples here. And it's me like waiting like next online. And then like another guy comes behind.

And so when the guy comes behind me, I'm thinking like, well now there's a crowd, right? Just me. They're like, fuck that guy. He can wait. But now there's a line forming. Nope. What's this one like?

Oh, that one looks fun. I wanted to just be like, sample away. I know already what I want. I need a pint of this and I need to get out of this store in under 10 minutes. Crazy with the samples. I can. Well, you should call somebody else in. Like, look, we got more than three people here.

We need another person out here. That pint you brought home or was that a walking pint? I'm just curious. No, it was a bring home. That's good. 80% of it got home. It's not that far away. I can get a little scoop sample.

This family was sampling our pint. Most of it's gone. Wait, half a pint. I ordered a whole pint from them, those clowns. I'm going to call them. No, I'm calling them right now. And I will be taking this lactate pill. No reason.

But, you know, Chun Lee is like, oh, I have to protect Rose because I'm in the movie again. I'm like, it's whatever. They fight. She fights bison. and it's kind of nothing. She does the fireball.

That's kind of cool. It is pretty cool. This is also she hits him with a big bamboo pole, which is cool. And the bicycle kick happens here on Bison. We also need Charlie to do something. We've set this dude up for fucking 90 minutes. Yep. He is a street fighter character who does mostly Giles moves, FYI.

One of those deals. Does he have a sonic boom? I believe he does. Oh, really? In my mind, he does Giles moves. Someone can yell at me. Street Fighter 7, Giles, Gile is suing. way, he's not just pre Blanca.

He's an actual character in the game. Yeah, in the actual game. So does he, and he doesn't, it's not electric. Like, it would make sense if you have some kind of electrical power. And then it's a double doubles up or triples up. He fights Balrog or something. Like maybe, and again is already a character, like you may be a third character. He needs to do something.

There's plenty of street fighter people to call through. Just he fights one. And throw him into the Blanca juice or whatever that turns him into whatever. There is a really bad. And anybody spot. the slow-mo shot of Neil McDone and trying to do like a super punch to her. Oh, man. Slow-mo does not make stuff look cooler all the time.

If it's something that's like, if you're having trouble like believing it at normal speed, slow motion's not going to make people take it any more seriously. I think he's good in certain projects, but I don't think anything you're doing is going to help the Neil McDonough performance here. I don't think of the slow motion or anything. He's a great villain. He's much better. So that energy ball kicks him off this roof and he starts,

what he gets caught here she drops a bunch of dry cement on him like it's home alone for a second but then this is she does the Super Bowl when the cement falls on him and I know it hurts he acts like he's turning into Mr. Hyde for a second because how awesome would it be

I mean this neck break that she does on him is fine whatever it's what he perpetrated on her father's an eye for an eye kind of a thing but just imagine if it was like a more fun sort of situation there Then not just like if he The cement falls on him and then she like fucking

Bicycle kicks a water pipe and he gets soaked and then turns into a statue Yes and then she breaks the statue that's what I thought was going to happen and said she jumps down on him and like in like a Zena on a top move like gets her feet around his neck and does a Fathers always have a weakness for their daughters which is a line that he threw at her sure and she does this like spin around neck break thing and I have to give it to this movie you have a shot of Neil McDonough with his head is like face facing the wrong way like the head is in the absolute wrong direction but the problem with that is you don't have that sound design

of the crackle and the the breaking there's just no sound to it which is so bizarre and the whole thing like a father's weakness for their daughters is because while he's there right before he dies he just looks over at the white rose

and that's what she's referencing because he took a glance in her direction. That was his big weakness that has been exposed. So speaking of dead, Chris Klein's performance in this movie continues to be DOA. He's doing this like, I never saw you, Chudely, get out of here.

You little scamp, you fucking broke that criminal's neck. Get out of here. Cool. Maya's back to work in an arm sling the next morning. If you get lonely at night, don't call me. Repeat line. I love this. This job.

God, heaven. He's calling her. Oh, I bet he calls her. I'm sure he's calling her. Oh, that's scamp. He's calling her. But then, Genn, it's, we really...

Back at the grave. Now two parent photographs on the tombstone. Gen gives her the fucking... It's literally the end of... He's got a flare for the dramatic, but it's Rai Yu at a street fighting tournament.

Yep. Yep. And it's your classic surf Dracula. Oh, the movie will be next time. The movie you wanted? You didn't get it this time. You're going to get it at the next time. one. I hear he's a force to be reckoned with. And it's a street fighter tournament. I'm like,

that's the movie that I paid to see. Yes. That's like the end of the first, the new of the remake Mortal Kombat's it ends like, well, the tournament's happening next time. Yep, exactly right. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah. And the tournament sucks too. Great. Yeah, turned out the tournament sucked as well there. That should have just been a fucking Carl Urban Johnny Cage. It should have been the legend of Johnny Cage, frankly that'd be great and then everybody else is a background character because carl urban's fucking awesome in that movie and everything else is not great it's fun man uh but yeah that just being handed a flyer for the fighting tournament that we all thought we were gonna see what a kick in the dick no and then you just get this fade out on her face she's staring off into

nothing like a soap opera going to commercial oh yeah that's where she belongs just like and the credits come up and you're like i just cannot believe what i watched this That is the end of streetfighter, calling the legend of Chun Lee. Who fucking A. We'll go around the horn here for some final thoughts. Eric Siska. I did not really care for this one. It's just, I get some of the ideas they were going for of like, yes, it's modernize it.

So I'm by since like this shady real estate developer kind of thing. That was a problem, though. Yes. Or like, we're going to take this through the eyes of someone who will go on to fight in the tournament. I don't think it's the worst idea in the world, but I don't think they got anywhere near sticking any landing at all. And I could have used more bicycle kicks. I could have used more to this movie.

And Chris Klein. What do you say about a performance like that? I can't. There is. Chris Cabin. No, no, it's horrible. Don't watch this movie. I was a little sad to see since we have the,

one of the Black Eyed piece playing a Vega. I was hoping that you would get at least one of the other. Yeah. Grippity D-Dap comes out and says whatever he does. No, not grape ape. Apple D-D-D-Dapel does his song. It was a grape ape. He was a serial mascot?

I believe so. Maybe Hannah-Barbara. It's a cartoon. Yeah, Hannah-Barbara thing, I think, yes. But, yeah, get one of them to do a song, for God's sake. If you're trying to get this thing off the ground, we're still kind of into that stuff. It's 2009. What did we go out on? Is this a shitty new metal here or something? There was in the middle of the movie when they're at the club. There is a street fighter song.

There is. You were going to street fighter. I didn't hear that. I think that's the song that's getting bleeped out. Yes. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Your titular tune. Mother fucking street fighter, I guess. And you couldn't get Apple-D-D-Daple to do that? That's sad. But yeah, horrible movie. Don't watch this. go, Steve? No, no, no, no. It's weird because, hey, I guess, like, in the weirdest sense, it's like, it's almost can't be fun, but then it's not, it's kind of the problem. Like, yeah. Actually, Chris Klein is fun to watch, but he's not in the movie enough for it to be.

Like, if it was just Chris Klein, like, as your lead and it would have been terrible. But, like, Kristen Crook is pretty stone-faced. It doesn't have a lot to do. Like, she's, she was fun on Smallville, the little I watched the Smallville. Is that right? Yeah, a little I remember of it. Yeah, as bad as Klein. is like if you center the movie around him it could have been maybe fun dumb yes exactly but it's not that and it's just kind of ponderous and

kind of somehow too long even though it's pretty short as a movie like I could have gone 80 with this guy it's a no um I am curious about the new movie it does it's it's really good it's either the new movie it's super cosplace centric forward it's either going to be

pretty dumb fun or like the worst it's going to be embarrassing to be in the theater and I'm not sure which is which it could be in way. But I know that I got to be there just to get the answer for myself. By you're right next to you, pal. That's right. But remember Andrew Schultz, the president's spokesperson is in the movie.

That's favorite comedian. Right. I forgot about that. The campaign guy for Trump. Yeah. He's good. He hates him now, though, because there's movies coming on, so don't worry. Oh, weird. Oh, wait, wait, which way the wind is blowing? Yeah, he already

said sorry before a street fighter came out. No, I wouldn't recommend this. I would recommend, though, if you could see about if there's like a Chris Klein clip reel on YouTube, you got to hear these deliveries. It is just, this is a man without a director and it's, I feel bad for him.

Again, I think he's probably a nice guy and I don't have any ill will against him. This man was offered no direction for this performance. And it's unfortunate, but it's also very funny. And my God, Michael Bison. I'm never going to get over Michael Bison. I can't. But I do have to go watch the

Steve DeSuzza movie to fucking clean my mouth out. Good God. My mouth, my eyes and my ears. Holy shit. All the holes. I'm going to clean my holes and watch the Street Fighter movie. But that is going to do it for this episode. Y'all, if you want more We Hate Movies, including episodes just like this one, completely 100% commercial free.

Head over to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies, where, yes, we have a plentiful, bountiful amount of exclusive shows you cannot get anywhere else, including We Love Movies, which a couple weeks back, we released our episode this month on the guest. fantastic motion picture. A lot of actual fighting and killing going on in that movie. Very cool. Last week

we also released our Q3 commentary or a couple weeks back. We did back rooms, of course, the horror sensation, one of the horror sensations from this year. That was a lot of fun. A couple weeks back, we also had a Melro 210. We did. We continue to explore the fallout from Andrea losing her virginity

in 90210. In Melrose place. Mike and Amanda relationship, really just playing with a nuclear bomb, I would say. This is a bad case, but we had a hell of a time talking about it. Yeah, man, to come stay at my beach house, the wife won't be there for some reason. Jesus Christ. Last week, Steve, we had, as we mentioned, the aforementioned animation damnation there.

Yeah, on Street Fighter. Note to myself, if you're listening to this, you should have canceled your Crunchyroll subscription already. That's right. But, yeah, it's from the 90s. It's kind of a direct sequel to the DeSusa movie. lot of ways. It's baffling. It's a really fun convo. And then also

last week, we're getting into some gleepe glossary territory. That's right. We talked about Prince Zijor, which is The tall green fellow from Shadows of the Empire. If you're exactly my age, you know what that means. That's right. And if you are listening to this on the day it comes out,

which is Tuesday, September the 29th, tomorrow the 30th, Wednesday. We are releasing our last bit of exclusive shows for the month with an all new episode of our Star Trek Recap show, The Nexus. Now, as always the show rolls on next Tuesday we are kicking off the 2026 Halloween spooktacular Steve with what

motion picture the appropriately titled the Frighteners Hell yeah Peter Jackson is a WLM for me I think there's going to be a lot of WLMs on the main feed in October stop thinking about H-Feed L-Feed there's locked episodes there's unlocked episodes exactly yeah that's a good way

to put it and also there's something else about that that I was going to mention with regard to. Oh, well, yes, if you're wondering, hey, the Halloween sputacular is coming out. What do you, what, I wish I knew what they were talking about for October. Subscribe to the Patreon. You get a monthly newsletter, the Big Daddy Dispatch, where, among other bits of writing that the four of us do, we tell you the schedule in advance. You know everything that we're going to do for the month of October and so on as the Big Daddy

dispatches are released. So be sure to check that out. But until next week, when the Halloween Spuctor kicks off with Peter Jackson's the Frighteners, I've been Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadd. Eric Siski. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.