We Hate Movies - S3 Ep110: Foodfight

Episode Date: May 14, 2013

In this week's episode, the gang goes to the grocery store with the dangerously stupid, Foodfight! How is this a movie? What are the filmmakers trying to say about consumerism and buying "store brand" items? And who insisted this film needed to be sexy? Plus: Sims voices. Lots of Sims voices. Foodfight stars Charlie Sheen, Hilary Duff, Eva Longoria, Christopher Lloyd and Wayne Brady; directed by Lawrence Kasanoff. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, Andrew Jopin, Stephen Sadak. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in. As always, welcome to week due of four of the most recent listener request month. This week's call comes from a fellow named Bob in the great city of Boston. Bob had this to say.

Hi, this is Bob from Boston, and I really think you should do the movie Food Fight. it is an amazing film everything about it is completely abhorrent the message the animation the acting the puns it's just something you have to see to believe thanks man bob

you and like nine other people were like this food fight movie we all thought you were crazy then we watched it I still think you're crazy why would you watch us on purpose I don't know why anyone would watch this on purpose it's like worse than those fucking

bird demic movies all that crap i feel here's why it's worse than those movies they made those movies and they're like we're making a bad movie isn't that hilarious these people thought they were making a good movie really saying something about products and and consumerism in this country this is a real authentic failure yeah it had the highest expectations animated movie like 2002 when it was when they wanted to make this movie like hey look computer animation's all the rage hey ever see that toy story one and or two you know what if you all right here's the deal you start making a computer animated movie right and you kind of have most of it finished and then someone steals the hard drive where all your animation is on

which that's a classic mistake by the way it's called backing up your work but if that happens right you know what that's a sign that sign is telling you there's no reason to try to make this movie again. Or I feel like they were struggling, making it. It's like, you know, I thought I could make one of them computer movies. And oh my God, it's so much harder than I thought, burn the hard drive. Just get, like, let's just, you know, get some insurance money or something. I don't know.

The amount of the lack of computer animating skill leads me to believe that somebody just got a virus on their hard drive. Somebody clicked up a pop-up, I'm like, ooh, tits. And then just like, oh, no, I lost the movie. I would totally posit that there was a lot of pornography consumed while also trying to animate this movie. That's correct. Well, I got two monitors. I can do both. Look, I can make this kid's film and I can look at hardcore pornography all at the same time.

Oh, no, I mixed them up. Now I got pornography in the kids movie, which is pretty much what happens. This is a sexually aggressive children's film. The double entendres. some of the animation on a couple of these lady characters there's a couple of close-ups on crotches like really really uncomfortable shit and everyone's like hot like it's not like oh you know

Bell from Beauty and the Beast what a pretty lady's like no these these chicks are hot man yeah you gotta have like mini skirts on mini skirts and leather outfits and school girl outfits you know what it's time to teach little Billy the birds and the bees let's Throw on food fight for the afternoon and just help figure it out. We can talk about this now or later, but what is with animators trying to make things sexy? Or like getting their little sexy jazz into the hidden Disney things?

The little hidden Disney things. Just like sometimes, yeah. Because they're creeps. These little kids are going to watch this dick. I'm an animator. This priest and the little mermaid weddings who's got a huge fucking dick. I mean I feel All right

Here it is right Like at least A warping a generation At least back in the days Of like the hand drawn Animated movies Right It's like

You're just drawing these fucking things Frame by frame You get a little tired of it And draw dick in for fun Isn't that great You may or may not look like Tim Burton Disney Animator for a little while

I'll tell you what If Tim Burton is ever For a second Even like you know There's any sort of suspicion raised about something like that like a Jeffrey Jones situation he's going down you can't

look like that and then be like you know possibly yeah exactly Tim Burton doesn't show to a lot of children's charities he'd like to they don't want him though maybe he wants to help out with the children's charity but it's more like a thanks for no

thanks Tim Burton excuse me sir this is a private oh wait you're Tim Burton The animation in this movie, by the way, looks like a really shitty Nintendo 64 game. Oh, yeah, it's Conkers Wild Ride, or whatever the fuck that game was. It's like Donkey Kong Country. It does look like Donkey Kong Country. It's Donkey Kong Country, the feature film. That would have been better for the record.

Donkey Kong country movie is a compelling character. Donkey, Mr. Donkey Kong. Yeah, first name, basically. let's get what this movie is we're talking about when the lights go out in your supermarket all the icons highlight that word all the icons

of all of the food mascots run around in this magical world that exists in the supermarket but also has like a functioning sun and grass and streets and a whole cityscape and Charlie Sheen plays Dax the dog detective

who's you know he's your uh your your leading man and brand x shows up and things get a little crazy ah man there's so much loaded in there already so yeah like where isn't toy so i mean there's going to be a little bit of a toy story comparison here in this movie i feel right sure so where isn't toy story like andy leaves his room and turn the lights off all the toys come to life and they you know diddle dattle around andy's room but it's like andy's toy chest we're jumping on Andy's bed and he's window sill blah blah blah blah but yeah like Steve said this is like a cityscape

they're not futzing around the supermarket on the shelves and in the aisles and shit I mean they do to a degree but there's also just this world where there's skyscrapers and you don't know what dimension they're in or how that works it has to be another dimension

like another dimension that exists in the same space and time as your grocery store late at night it's just like switches or something There's like a... We just can't see it? There's a doorway. We can't see.

But they have like buildings like, uh, like there's a, there's a rip off of the Chrysler building, a couple of Russian dome churches, a couple of like, you know, like ancient Japan looking buildings. But at least toy story is, is in that, in that mode of like, you know, I wonder, like, the little kids always have that, that fantasy or that wonder, like, do my kids, do my toys come to life when I put them away? No. Well, maybe I did. But no one is sitting around a grocery is like, man, I wonder what happens when fucking these lights go out? What does Count Chocula up to?

What's he doing? You think Mr. Cleans just walking around patrolling the streets? I like the picture Captain Crunch is a unsavory character to come across. Because he's like a pirate, right? Yeah, he's a pirate. Got you. Landlubbers and all that. The city's besieged by Captain Crunch.

He just fucking eats that two-cansab because he's hungry. The Tricks Rabbit gets skinned alive. Just to send a message. They cut his hand off because he's a fucking thief. Yeah, you're right. He's a dirty fucking thief. An eye for an eye, tricks rabbit. Get your hand over here.

Yeah, there's probably a good about a Bible law. Bible Times law down there. But this is going off of an even older animated tradition earlier than Toy Store, like all those old Looney Tunes. I think there's a bunch of different companies did this where it was like you go in the bookstore and the bookstore closes and all the characters are like the covers of the books or they're singing around. It's all, it's very punny. It lasts for three minutes. But they're all like still within their world. Right.

They never ever, I've never seen this before where you go to a different plane of existence. Like at least like another comparison you can make to this is like Gumby. right yeah and you know gumby could go into the book and it was like oh you're in a western book gumby that's fantastic now you're in the old west but if gumby was just walking around the playroom he's just in the fucking playroom like there's not a gumby tower where gumby's corporate headquarters is i like the idea of disinterested co-workers that are not interested in gumby's life at all they're just like oh what you go to a western book this week gumby that's great you were you decide to be born a blockhead

and you just became an accountant and you're like working for Gumby Code. It's like, yeah, great boss. Hey, fellas. This weekend I went 20,000 leagues under the sea. Yeah, and I had to invoice all that shit. Stop expensing

your voyages, Gumby. How do you make money? See you later. So the main character of this movie is the Charlie Sheen voiced Dex Dog Detective, by the way. That's his That's his Christian and family name, Dex Dog Detective.

And for some reason, he is charged with the responsibility of protecting this city from all the bad advertising icons that are trying to, what, rob people? We meet him on top of a hot air balloon where there's four hairless hamsters that just look like testicles with arms and legs. and a giant rat which is like voiced by fucking uh harvey firestein and they're in the middle of some sort of heist i got a lot of questions about this but first off i think he's charged with defending everyone because he's indiana jones as a dog yeah he's dressed as indiana jones you were named after the dog but this rat uh is he like an icon of something or is he a rat that's In the supermarket after dark, trying to eat up whatever. That would make more sense. But this movie never does that. How does this rat get zapped into that plane of dimension? No, because I think everything has to be this other dimension.

Because it would be cool if, like, oh, man, what happens when the rat shows up? That's, like, you know, fun. But no, no, this is just like, you know, fun. Hey, that's fun. But, like, the rats, like, dressed like the hamburger. So he's got to be a fucking... But who would buy something with a rat on it? Like, oh, this giant, big fat thief rat.

But that's the, well, here's the thing, though, right? There's, like, there's food icons. But there's also, like I said, Mr. Cleans around. So maybe there's, like, a fucking rat poison thing. I'm rat poison person. Or maybe that there's a labor dispute and somebody left a flyer. And it's just like, oh, my God, the union's going to come here. Everything's going to be different.

I mean, yeah, I like that idea of the strike, the union strike balloon rat. I love seeing that around New York. It's just like, oh, that, you see it and you're like, oh, those people are fighting for something. Walk away. I'm not going to take your flyer, but it's nice. You're trying. I feel bad for you. Better change, put my iPod back on.

I'm yelling, keep fighting the good fight from across the street. So, Dex Dog Tactives got a lady friend who's a half-12-year-old girl, half a cat, raisin icon that he's clearly having sexual intercourse with, voiced by a 2002 Hillary Duff. I think that's something that's very important to keep in mind. I'm pretty confident these voices were captured back in 2002. I think so, too, because it wouldn't make sense otherwise, because you would lose all your... They must have lost so much money animating this twice. They wouldn't have been able to afford any of these people. You know what this Charlie Sheen dog needs is a child bride.

She was with, what, 16 when this was filmed? She's all like, ooh, what are we going to do tonight? And Charlie Sheens is just looking at her, and he's 48. It's so fucking creepy. Ah, ah, it just skeezes me out. Like, you're in the recording studio. Like, you're probably not doing the scene together. No.

You can imagine Charlie Sheen, like, walks into the booth. he's like, so who's playing the raisin cat girl? Who's my girlfriend? And they're like, oh, the Disney channel's Hillary Duff. Is she the mom on that show? What are we talking here? No, she's the just of age teen starlet. As long as she's of age.

Also, who's buying raiser? Why would there be a sexy sort of cat icon for raisins? Don't you want to fuck this raisin cat? La la la la la la la la la Well, I certainly want to taste those raisins I mean she's trying And this is this goes towards The really creepy animation in this movie

But she's like Got a gigantic cleavage She's wearing short shorts Dancing around like Hey, Dex dog tactic shake So much wiggling It's like a fucking Toonrader game We talk about the dead eyes

of all of the characters, the deadest eyes because that's the number one thing of animation. If you want to, that's the first thing you have to animate because that's the only thing they put a soul into whatever thing you're animating. It's okay. They're corporate icons, no soul.

They're just staring at each other like, hello, hello, love. And these glassy-ey-ey-ey-sims glare. Yeah, that's right. They look like the Sims. Exactly. They may as well have like a fake or, they're just talking about.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha r r r r r r r rome the rest of the show right that would be way more entertaining than this movie so one day dex dogtective is god damn it this is what i'm doing my life i'm saying i'm saying i'm saying deck's dogtective into a microphone it's his name it's the dog man's name by the way he walks up tall and wears pants like a dog and he's got a neck like fucking huge acman like the throat on this dog's incredible you're not gonna put any choke collar on that dog he'll kill you he's got no tail either which i guess that's a good thing question mark well i wouldn't have you know been surprised with this movie had like a little hole in his pants and he just walked around this little dog tail he looks like uh mcgruff the crime dog mixed with Indiana Jones. Right. I think he's a private dick in this,

but it'd be great if he were reported to like a chief that was McGruff the crime dog. Oh, wow. That would be some great crossover. Get the Dare program involved? Why the fuck not? Well, hold on. We don't allow charities anywhere near this food fight movie.

For profit only. Actually, we're trying to get kids hooked on stuff. Sorry. So Dex Dog Detective is going to propose to his cat lady girlfriend with a four-carat ring and no no not diamond four carrot as in four little carrots that come together in one ring isn't that hilarious everybody aren't you just rolling in the aisles of your packed theater watching food fight just enjoying it pack Danish theater or wherever the fuck this was released where it's not having about a grocery store none of it translates

properly uh so he's going to propose to this cat lady and uh uh she gets kidnapped uh there's a distraction uh his best buddy and soon to be best man at their wedding voiced by wayne brady is dan the chocolate squirrel oh my god why are we making these things up i mean what what what what chocolate squirrel who's like it's all like that bullshit uh like key food brand stuff you're like that's a that's not real that's not a real thing i don't want my my my sugar flakes they're clearly frosted flakes uh i feel though that they weren't allowing the the major players of the advertising icon world to be main characters because let's say like tony the tiger's the hero of this movie well you know like the the charlie the tuna people are going to be like well hey charlie the tuna could be a

clear hero in this movie also so you got to like make up the fake characters to have the bulk of the roles i guess so this movie exists in a world where not only this stuff is happening but there's also cinnamon sleuth cereal with dex dog tactive on it yeah he is a yeah you're right he's a he's a serial icon which is neither here nor there and it doesn't make one bit of difference it doesn't matter it's never really it's never mentioned actually it's just in the background ones they say it's the essence he's the essence of it like do we get into that like the idea that they're the souls of it yeah they're all supposed to be like the souls of these products in the

grocery store. So like are there god damn it, we're thinking about this in this way, but like are there multiple Dex dog detectives in all these different grocery stores? Is that what we're talking about? Like alternate universes. Or do all their, does all that

corporate energy channel into one central soul and it's only within this world where magic is happening or this one, not world, but this one supermarket? Oh, so, like, Ed Asner's supermarket. Ed Asner, by the way, another person doing a voice in this movie. Yeah, his store's, like, the hub for all of these, like, grocery icon souls.

I kind of like the idea of there being a bunch of different ones, and then, like, the Spanish bodega, everyone's speaking Spanish, and, like, everything's a little dustier than it needs to be. That's perfect. I'd go with that theory. Or it's, like, sliders, right? like that's kind of you know they could they could slide to another grocery store dimension i'd buy that or there's like a stargate yeah just why not food fight stargate uh so the cat lady is which is her name's like sunshine or some yeah just daisy sunshine uh she's kidnapped and we cut to six months later where dex dog detective has just dropped out of the p i game allowing for the what steve men

mentioned earlier, brand X, so they're supposed to be like the generic brand garbage product, which I mean, it's kind of stupid because I buy generic brand stuff all the time. They're not villains. It's cheaper and it's the same thing. No, you know what? You're a goddamn Nazi. You should always be buying Hawaiian punch. That guy does not make an appearance in this movie. No, he's in it. Does he? Yeah, he's like kind of mentally challenged. Like he does he, there's a, we'll see where he's like, bra, and he doesn't say anything. It's like he was at a car act. accident. He's the Gary Busey of the advertising

icon world. Or he was like a boxer. They got hit too many times. His punching days are over. He just shows up to public appearances. And I was like, that's sad. Wasn't it like he was always punching people, though? Like he'd be like, hey, bud, how about a Hawaiian punch? And they just slug

somebody. He finally slugged the wrong guy. He just beat him with an inch of his life. He's the icon from Mike Tyson's punch out and beat the shit out of them. Yep. So this brand X garbage,

we're introduced to it by a really wacky Christopher Lloyd in the real world comes into this store and he's like just doing his Roger Rabbit character. But he looks like he's having like 30 seizures at once and a stroke.

He's just shaking and going like crazy and gobbled. And his head's like the size of six fucking grocery stores. And you don't know if that's bad animation or like later on, spoiler this character is it all he's cracked up to be. That's right. I mean, I think that's what you're supposed to be like, oh, that's why he's acting this way. But so he comes in and he's like, I'm from the corporate office and I'm bringing Brand X products here. And Ed Asner's just like, oh, really? I didn't get a letter about any of this. And they kind of like storm in. And then

it's like cut back to this bullshit universe and that product takes the form of Eva Longoria Parker with another sexy cartoon character with even boobier and hippier than the last one and she walks into Dex Dogtectives and by the way here's where we realize this movie's going to be nonstop Casablanca references all over the place well Dex Dog Dectives also like a movie buff like they go into his apartment and he's got like all these bullshit posters on the wall. One of my favorite of which is 12 hungry men starring Lee J. Cobb Salad.

Man, his fucking corpse was spinning when somebody wrote that. I was more a fan of Dial B for Burger starring grape jelly. You know, I would just say what you guys want. I saw Cobb Salad and a great performance of Hamlet once. But I love this. about this is because within this

universe, there are now these movies that are like Hitchcock parodies and stuff that I guess they go to the movie theater in this supermarket world and they watch foodized versions of our movies. Well, there's this

weird thing where they have to keep making food puns no matter what. I would love it if Charlie Sheen's like, yeah, let's grape jam out of here. And Wayne Brady's like, why did you say that? I don't know. I can't help myself. I just wanted to say, let's get out of here. But I just said, let's grape jam out of here.

That's weird. It's because we're in hell. This is our punishment. Man, if these turned out to be the souls of real people, this was their hell, this ridiculous grocery store world. Cut to us in 50 years. It's like that Twilight Zone, five characters in search of an exit. They don't know what they are.

Like, why am I a dog? Why are you a chocolate squirrel? Oh, my God. Just touching on the Christopher Lloyd thing once again, because when he gets into this grocery store, he takes a bag of chips off the wall and throws it on the ground. And I actually really like Ed Astner's character here. Is this like really sweet old grocer?

And he's like, that was a perfectly good bag of chips. Never enjoyed by anybody. Survival of the fittest. And it's just like, I love how sad he is about this bag of chips, never reaching its full potential. I mean, again, that's where you can see something like Toy Story, and someone's like, oh, poor little toy. No one played with it. It's a fucking bag of chips. There's 60 other bags of chips on the shelf right next to it.

I raised that bag of chips. I fed it every night. But it's the idea. A corporate rep's not supposed to walk into your store Grab merchandise off your wall And throw it on the ground And step on it Spoilage

Okay Five finger discount Asder You know you gotta pay for that Please I'd love it if you just turned around And she just like killed him I'm taking over the store

So she's lady X This Eva Longoria Parker Yeah, just, I like most Fun, family fun food icons. She's a, she's a complete bondage outfit, like, okay. Oh, yeah. And she has, like, these Nazis behind her. She's like, hey, this is, here's the Brand X team.

And it's like this big reptile Nazi and a small, short, like, cirrhosis Nazi. The cirrhosis Nazi is supposed to be a potato chip, by the way. Oh, really? The Nazi character. And we're not just yucking it up here. They are clearly Nazis. And we'll exemplify it more definitely a little later on. This Nazi voiced by Jerry Stiller.

Someone's having fun with something. Well, hey, take that Hitler. And they just come in and they're like, yeah, the Brand X All-Stars. Here's Chip and Reptillion Guy. Why would you buy a bag of chips with a Nazi? I absolutely there would be I don't care what the savings are there's a fucking gleeful little Nazi on my bag of chips I'm not going to buy it yeah there's right aid brand stuff

and then there's brand X Nazi paraphernalia you know you're getting 100% pure white potato well actually maybe not might be the opposite it depends on what they I don't know I don't know how this world works So there's a scene a little later, like they, whatever, they walk into his club, which is the Copa banana. Get ready, keep going. Keep on going. And he does the old, uh, of all the gin joints and all the world line. But it's like of all the milk joints and all the grocery stores. I'm just like, shut the fuck up. You're so far from where you started in that line. It's a, yeah, it's a milk bar. That's why Alex and his droogies are there.

Man, I would love it if, like, if Dex Dog Tective was just beaten a death with a huge ceramic cock. God, I'd love it. There's enough cock imagery in this anyway. So... Let's get in for ultraviolence. Kill a dog. So...

Let's go rape count chocular. A little bit of the old Ian Out in out. Hey, Booberry. I'm singing in the race. Okay, we got to get we got to make an Alex DeLarge like type of product now and get into the grocery stores So this happens in this world Uh, so first attempt at seducing Dex dog detective blows up in her face What did you use the word seduce in a children's film Andrew? I did

Uh, cause in the next scene she comes in and it's basically Hey Dex dog detective want to fuck around a little bit like she's just like oh you've been missing your your sweet little raisin kitty huh well here i am i'm lady x look at all this leather you want to check out my xbox she's in a school girl outfit in a fucking in a movie for kids like it's one thing we're like oh i guess like those two want to kiss like no she's in a school they're ready to fuck it's DTF in the fucking grocery Guess what? Got to learn sometime. And he's like, he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I've retired from being a private investigator.

And she's like, yeah, but you, you retire from fucking. You retire, you dick, huh? You hang that up too. And this is all a big distraction because meanwhile, uh, hilariously, a bunch of these icons are murdered out in the street. You're getting rounded up by Jerry Stiller for being undesirables. And so this is what puts Dex dog detective back in, you know, out of retirement, back in, in the fold. He's like, all right, I got to, I got to figure out who killed these fucking things. And he starts becoming suspicious of Brandex when the very next day.

When they walk in with Nazi uniforms. No, no, no, that doesn't set them off. Funny enough. The Nazi uniforms are not saying. him off. Well, I don't think they have American history books. Well, he somehow seen milk a blanca or whatever the buck.

It's so true. But they should have learned the lessons that they shouldn't have gone with appeasement. I mean, we saw that with Chamberlain already. In the ice cream aisle, now they have the chocolate cost. You can get it. It's the most excellent fucking new ice cream

from Brand X. Yeah. oh man so he's back on the case and what raises his dog eyebrow is that all the the icons that were slain in the street the night before every we should explain this a little bit clearer uh every every icon for whatever reason in this world has their own building dex dog tectives got a fucking cinnamon swirl cereal building you know there's all these buildings oh there's also kung to foo the tofu fucking dragon and holy shit is this the most racist thing i've ever seen it's outrageously racist it's a lot of like oh kung tofu he's a innocent and it's like this isn't the dick tracy cartoon for the 1960s you can't just do that anymore the town being the nazis accused kung tofu because they have to find someone who's difference right yeah oh yeah by the way show this to your kids if you want if you want to if you're ready to sit them down and have a talk about the birds and the bees and crystal knocks that's a long after movie conversation oh my god yeah i don't if you show this to your kids you should have your kids immediately taken away for you so so the thing that sets them off right these are they're all slain in the road right and then the next morning every character who's died their building has already been replaced by a Brandex version of that character. So Dex Dog Detective's like,

hmm, something smells bad here. Something spoiled rotten around here. There's so many like mold and spoiled food puns, too. Except for Annie Frank's sweet pretzels, who's just tied in the attic of the Brandex building. Good gravy. there's also a weird war going on with these well like I guess this is why Dex Dog Dex Dog Dectiv has to keep patrolling the streets

is because all the salty snacks are at war with the sugary snacks. It's like Crips and Bloods. Yeah, that's why when you have something that's savory and sweet, it's just this little symphony in your mouth, it's just like all that all that gang warfare all that delicious gang warfare it's a screep finny tucked inside a chocolate covered pretzel well that's a weird thing though too because it's not just food though there's also like detergents and stuff mr clean's walking around oh by the way get your proctor and gamble phil you'll see a lot of swiffer dusters in the background like boxes now how does this work are is proctor and gabriel paying food fight in 2002 to put them in their movie or Is it just a thing where like, hey, this will ingratiate us to the big boys? Or I think they've got to be getting a little something out of that. You know, they're just like, yeah, but I don't put you in the background there.

You know, help with the production. Yeah. But so you, Steve, you're asking if the movie paid its, if the, if the companies that own the product likenesses paid their way into this movie. Yeah. Or if that's the case, it is the greatest example of American corporate stupidity. Because some, what, some asshole walks into your border. room and is like, I got this great idea. It's like Toy Story and a

grocery store and we can put the fucking Gordon's fisherman in there. Oh, that'd be great for Gordon. No, Christopher Lloyd went into every board room. He's like, ah, he puts the old thing on the floor and steps on it. It's like, that's your old marketing plan, huh? I'm on a

bad animated movie. But, I mean, maybe it was on a paid scale, because some of the, some of the icons do talk. Like, Charlie Tuna's got a couple of lines here and there, but Like, you see poor chef Boyardee just at the town meeting and he's just sitting there. He's a fat old Italian man. Poor posture and a tight t-shirt.

He didn't pay enough. I guess Boyardee wanted it in free. Boyardy, sit down and shut up. But don't worry. There's an Italian character that keeps an Italian moose that represents God knows one. It keeps on everybody to forget about it, man. And talk about making no sense. Like, you know, if you're going to.

gonna have a fucking moose thing either make it sound like Bullwinkle or make it Canadian That'd be great You know I mean Whatever that's a little bit stereotypical towards Canadians Why is it Italian

A moose Italian American It's like a New Jersey Yeah this fucking jersey Fucker forget about it This fucking big moose And of course he owns a restaurant By the way

But he keeps calling Dax dog detective De Bois He's like oh De Bois is gonna come back and I'm going to be in trouble He's just stupid He doesn't know how things work

Like no no no That detective is not your boss Also Use your moose brain You're a moose He's a dog In the animal kingdom You are de boss

Yeah you're gigantic Step on him Just step on that dog Grave the moose Just stepped on him And he bled out of the street I'd love if that was the end of this movie. Oh, is this the end

of Dex Dog Tective? Why, yes it is, actually. The moose drives over his head like fucking Frank Vincent and the Sopranos. The Nazis put a head out on the dog. Why do the work when the gumbas

will do it for you? Let them fight amongst themselves. So the other big, like, plot mystery here is Dex Dog Tective is like, wow, Brand X kind of smells like something that's familiar to me, but I

just can't put my hound nose on it. So they go to what I guess is supposed to be the icon for like an allergy or like a mucinex type thing. It's just a, it's a scientist with a huge nose. And it's like kind of Professor Frankie. Yeah. And they're like, you know, oh, hey,

Professor Snot or whatever. Like, why don't you, you put your nose on this. We got to sniff out what all the ingredients are. Oh, excuse me, I'm going to spray my boogers everywhere, and on you. It's just, and it's, there's a big fart in the beginning of this movie. There's a fucking, like, mentally challenged frog

with a crown on its head, and he's like, da, and he farts. And it's like, just a big gas thing. It's disgusting. There's the boogers. Like, Dex Dog Detective gets covered in boogers, and his only reaction is, oh, great. Like, what, no, you're covered in like

six gallons of snot. That's what the kids know and love. Okay, you got your farts, you got your boogers you got your sugars you got your big tits on your advertising girls hey what if we put calm in this movie get out of here other animator yeah it'd be great if he just shot all over the place speaking of shooting all over the place this uh chocolate den oh yes thank you he's got this great he's got several great lines he flies around in this airplane cat calling women all over town he's the biggest pig of this place. He starts

yelling mamacita at some woman saying, yo, sweet cakes nice packaging. How about some chocolate frosting? Yeah. Frosting. There's your semen joke, Steve, right there from the cell. It's not my semen joke, all right? It's a semen joke you so

desired. You animated this, right? It's not the semen joke I wanted, but the semen joke I deserved. But also, Here's the thing, it's, this world is inhabited by fucking rabbits, monsters, and a bunch of white people that don't seem to be mascots or icons or anything, like just pretty good-looking, good-shaped white people. It's just the sims. They are.

They're all sad. Their sims just dittling about this movie. We got locked in the store after Dark. What's happening? he just ate Ed Asner's peyote I would love it right if that's a perfectly good peyote buck it never even realized his potential

I would love it if this movie ends right it's like Dex Dog Detective saved the day and it just like does like and it cuts to real life and it's just Ed Asner and his face is down on a desk and he just kind of like wakes up and he's like just been looking at a picture

of Mary Tyler Moore all night and he's just like oh, peyote just gets up. You see like a poster for up in the background. That would be another great conversation with your kids. Why was that old man talking about peyote? Well, peyote is a really strong drug.

Kids. He takes season three of Lou Grant on DVD and puts it in It just starts watching old Ed Asner episodes. Oh, poor Ed Asner. I mean, that's genius. He's great, but I mean, this is the big question of this movie, right? Like, who had what on these people that they agreed to do this movie?

Money on money is what is. That's, I mean, yeah, right? Like, you're right. But the bigger question then is, where was this money coming from? This is the biggest scam in Hollywood history that, that, this person raised enough money to be like, yeah, it's a toy store in a grocery store. Give me a billion

$70 trillion. And I'm going to pay all these like, you know, be level at least actors. I think it's like, you know, that the producers type of thing, where you can make more money with a flop than you could with a hit potentially. Unless the hard drive of your flop gets

stolen for a decade. Do you think the animation on the original movie was better? It would almost have to be. It couldn't be worse. Anything you're imagining in your brain, if you haven't seen this movie or seen screen caps, is better than what this movie is. Like, even the stick figures are better, because they're expressive at least. I'd watch a stick figure movie.

It'd be great. It'd be very avant-garde. So their whole thing is like, you know, Dex Dog Tective and Wayne Brady's Dan the Chocolate Squirrel are trying to get to the bottom of, you know, what is actually going on with Brandex? And it's, like, revealed pretty rapidly in this movie that they are just taking. taking over this town. There's no real mystery of like, you know, it's like you want it to be a kind of like a stepford wives thing, right? Like they do start brainwashing like all the little icons and it's only Dex Dog Detective and Dan the chocolate squirrel left. No, but there's now it's not just a couple of Nazis. Now there's fucking soldiers in the streets goose stepping. There's fucking Nazi eagles all over the

place. Yeah. But you know what? I know tensions are pretty high right now, but I'm going to go take in a California Raisins concert. The California Raisin. Yeah, they're headlining at the Cop of Banana. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, we should go. The California Raisins, by the way, successful ad campaign to the point where there's toys, their own TV show,

they are slumming it in this movie. This movie needed that goddamn noid. That's the question of the hour. Where the fuck was the noid? Do you think he was one of like, he was like the Joker to dog detective

like they had this ongoing battle for years and he finally just murdered him oh I thought you meant that he was portrayed by an actor that died and then they couldn't use him in the next sequel even though they wanted to man can you imagine

like there's a scene in this movie where like the noid is driving a police car like haphazardly hanging out the window just laughing and feeling the cool Chicago breeze in his face. That would be great.

His big dumb red get-up. He's just a big claymation asshole. Just screwing around this town, getting Dex's hair. You know, I have to sit through

all those commercials of that smugged fucking Domino's CEO telling me how better his pizza is. You want to make your business more appealing. Bring back the noise.

That's a campaign. Hashtag, bring back the noid. Absolutely. Do it. Do it, everybody. We're serious. Tweet at Domino's.

I'm sure that idiot CEO set one up. I love that guy. Every day he's got a new excuse. It's like a new story about how anything went wrong. There won't be hair in it anymore. I swear. I swear. The pizza is getting better.

It is the biggest apology campaign like you've ever seen. You know, you were right. Two days is too long to deliver a pizza. We're going to get you one in 10 minutes. Three days ago, a little girl. said that our sauce was just ketchup and pepper and I got really mad at her and then I found out it was actually just ketchup and pepper

I'm sorry so now it's ketchup pepper and salt I love that Domino's solution for making their crust less cardboardy was just stuff it full of grease so it's like a fucking sponge by the time it gets to you I'm sorry

I didn't I didn't need to do that. You're right, it's too much grease. You know what? Here's what I'm going to say. I know you're watching a Domino's commercial right now. I'm just going to come out and say it to the nation, for the next three months, order nothing but Papa Johns. Come back in August and see what we've done, but we're just, we need a little time. It's really bad at Domino's. They should just do it where, you know, we do another one of those commercials with him, and he just rips his face off, and it's the noid. that would be the perfect ending to that campaign it would be it's not the real CEO it's

the noid oh my god hashtag bring back the noise at dominoes or whatever it is hashtag bring back the noise they got somebody's using twitter for change you know all you're at it at baroque obama as well yeah see what he can do uh oh also by the way uh ramping up the nazi stuff they totally have a final solution they don't say final solution but she's definitely she's talking at one point the final solution for grass stains evil angoria has this monologue about like okay i want every last one of them wiped out and replaced with brand x the superior brand and she's going off unlike the roof of this building just yelling at people it's oh my god you can't be that overt with your nazi stuff like we've been sneaking nazis into

animation for a really long time we love it it's a proud american tradition we love it it it's totally fine you'll see a lot of swastika's a frank miller comic oh my god it's that frank miller sim god playing your frank miller sim could probably really depress you if i had a frank miller sim i build a fucking concrete wall around him and trap them I think that's what he's done because of the government and the minorities, women. That's what he's done to his career. He's built a nice concrete box for himself.

You can have the goose-stepping hyenas and the Lion King, and it's totally fine. We get it? You know what, though? Those hyenas weren't dressed in fucking SS-Guard. Yeah, the one problem with that movie. Could have had a little, you know, a nice Hugo Boss uniform here.

just go for it man do it just riff uh so they decide like the the battle's gonna come between you know the good people of grocery storeville or fucking tune town or whatever you're gonna call this place and the brand ex people so they're going to have a food fight the fourth time there's a food fight in this movie by the way there's some playful food fighting earlier on in the film at the coba banana but this is the serious fucking we're gonna kill your family food fight i don't understand the logistics of this food fight they're just like they're throwing like literally ketchup at people they're burning to death it's like what does that how does that make sense pickles are exploding and to show you how far they push the nazi element in this is they have v2 rockets of whipped cream yep that's part of the access is battle plan in sieging this city one of dex dog detectives uh way he's gonna hold the fort down in Icon town is he's going to scald these Nazis with boiling hot chocolate. Yeah. And we got to have a marshmallow joke put in.

I would love it if they cut to Swiss mists just over in the corner. It's like, nope. The Quaker Oats guy isn't getting involved because he can't go to war. He's tended his farm. I'm just going to be over here, tending my oats. Gonna make it into meals soon. I didn't tell you how to raise your children. Use your religion?

I would be living out there at the farm with that guy. There's a really brutal scene in this movie where Eva Longoria and her Jerry Stiller Nazi and the reptilian guy take that farting frog

hostage. Oh yeah. And they're just like, it's weird because they're kind of harassing him like, hey frog, you got to be part of Brand X. And he's like, da, I'm fighting. And they're like, okay. have it your way. And she's got to, like, cut his tongue out.

Like, they pull his tongue out. And she's got this, what is it, like a stray razor or something? Or is it like some type of Nazi dagger? It's a dogger. And the other guy's like, oh, this is so exciting. And it's like, his nipples are all hard. Like, yeah, the reptilian's doing a, what's his face impression? It's like Alan Rickman or something.

Yeah, he's doing an Alan Rickman voice. So you got Alan Rickman fake and Jerry still are like, Oh, you're going to get it now, frog, baby! Just like, oh, my God. And I don't know where they get, you know, he jumps away. They're like, let him go. We'll get him later. Will you?

We were just talking about hot chocolate for a second earlier. I just wanted to quickly mention that Daredevil Dan, the chocolate swirl. Daredevil Dan, the chocolate squirrel, ends up sleeping with Lady X a lot. And there's a line here that says, what can I say chicks dig chocolate and she also says something about how much she loves chocolate later on

a little bit of sexualized a little bit you know who also likes chocolate Larry Miller the gay count chocula oh man count choculia which is I believe as far as they get from saying count chocula

and he's just a bat in a bad lounge suit with like an open thing and he's like I'm a vampire bat and I'm gonna fuck you Like, you just, he's like, I love chocolate. Is that like a chocolate-flavored wine cooler? That's the only place I could see this guy exists. There's one, there's a moment at the, because of course this is a stupid, terribly made, incompetent movie. So while the credits are rolling, we have to cut back to all these things they couldn't figure out how to wedge in the movie in the first place.

And there's Larry Miller like dancing, this fucking gay bat just dancing. And he's like, what do you expect? I'm light on my feet. Get it? And he says, get it. I'm like, yeah, I get it. You're a gay vampire. Congratulations.

Also, after that sequence, we get to see the goddamn squirrel macking with ladies again. Oh, yeah. He's talking to like three ladies at once, and he's like, come on, bring it in. And they all kiss him. Like, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, da, da, ba. Yep. That's how Sims talk. So, the, the, um, the, um,

Dex Dogtive's final solution to get back at Brandex. We mentioned there's this world of all these food products and they have buildings in a rising sun and airplanes apparently. They also have weather systems because the plan is they're going to put a bunch of lightning rods all over all of the safe buildings and this lightning storm is somehow going to be caused and the Brandx buildings aren't going to have the lightning rods. rods on it. They're all going to be struck by lightning and destroyed. What? Okay. That's a thing that happens. That's the plan. That's the final solution. It's a bad fever dream. The whole thing. It just doesn't make a fucking lick a sense. It's easy enough to do a thing where like, you know, we're all supermarket fucking icons and like, oh my God, here comes the generic team, which is the worst thing that could ever happen.

Let's have a big food fight. We're over. There's lightning storms and Nazis and gay vampires. And Dr. Knows apparently finds out that this brand X stuff is addictive. Oh, it's also addictive. Oh, we haven't even mentioned, we haven't even mentioned the robot bees that kill people.

Evo Longoria's got this like fleet. It's like this armada of robot bees that are just killing all these icons. What do I want? Do I want Coke today or robot bee cola? I guess I'll go for robot bee cola instead. Or is it just like artificial hunting? robot bees would have to be on like an energy drain yeah it's a robo bee you buzz around like a bad fucking that's all written out that's all on the can once we can finally swear in prime time

fuck it has to be a great ad campaign well it's just like when uh what's his face on chicago hope hector alizondo made tv history when he said shit happens and it, like, rocked the world. It's that same kind of casual, like, what do you want me to say? Shit happens. It's going to be, nah, fuck it. It's because, you know what? It can't be, I want to fuck you.

I'm going to fuck your brains out. Oh, no, no, you can't use it as a verb. No, it's that fuck it. Or maybe a fuck you. It's going to be, oh, fuck it. I'm waiting for that. What do you think? 2017?

McDonald's or go fuck yourself? That's a good slogan. I mean, we got a hashtag, me back the noid. We've got to bring some honor back to this advertising world. You have to. His CEO is disgracing himself. Buddy, two words.

The noise. You're welcome. I just saved Dominoes. Somebody needed to. You're great. It just starts a campaign. Hashtag save Domino's. I don't know how to run this company,

but I don't want to give it up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like how great could it be, right? Like, you're watching the dumbass pizza tracker, and it's like, Jeremy is putting your pizza in the oven. But instead of just this faceless robot text, it's the noid. And he's just bouncing around on the pizza tracker status bar, noiding all over the place on his pogo stick. Was the pogo stick in the ad campaign or was that solely the noid Nintendo game?

It might have been the noid Nintendo game. I don't know what the fuck that noid was up to. How do you know? He was kind of like the hamburger of dumb. was he not he was just a little troublemaker he would make you annoyed oh you're annoyed that it's taken so long for pizza hunt to get come on jeremy man i'll tell you my dad once took one guy to task because he was 31 minutes late stop yeah and he had to come in the house and call his manager what meanwhile your family's pizza is cold by the time this dude leaves

It's just unhumiliating itself for $9.50. Your dad's yelling at him like, keep that pie in the heating sack. The heating sack. I love that thing. Oh, man. So I got to mention that IBM is mentioned in this, and IBM has like a little computer DNA guy that comes out. Was that an actual IBM mascot?

I thought it might have been, but I found no record of it online. That might be because IBM controls. The computers. I just wrote a note that said computer ghost. Because at one point, Dextoctiv and the chocolate squirrel go into Ed Asner's office. Like, they somehow come into the real world. They fucking go buy him on a soda bottle. It's a spritten grape soda all over the place.

And Ed Aser said, I'm too old for this. Well, because he's tripping on peyote. Maintain, Asner, maintain. Well, he saw that bag of chips be destroyed, so it's like I've already seen innocents lost. So he doesn't care about the sodas and guts flying. He's got PTSD over that broken bag of chips? Well, that in clearly Korea. Oh, yeah, he's got a little bit of Korea in him, for sure.

That's never going away. So they hack the net in this one ridiculous scene, and they're trying to figure out, like, products that have been recalled. like if you go to like product jail or whatever it's because you've your product's been recalled and it's just like this old prune lady yeah they're like oh man her prunes never sold a box she's not sexy at all who's gonna buy that food who's my food from a goblin what's to look at an old lady when i could look at a chick i want to bang man these these raisins are so good and i'm so horny eating them prunes no thank you i want to have them raisins. At least give me a little action with my dried fruit. So they also realize the only other product that's been recalled is, oh my God, sunshine grapes, whatever the

fuck, the cat lady is his girlfriend. The weird anime cat girl. Yeah, she's right out of an anime. Oh, yeah. So he's like, oh, that's weird. I just thought she was kidnapped or something. Plot points, I guess. I guess I could have gone into this office and found out where my fiance Nancy was and how she probably died for six months with Lord knows how long that is in fucking dog in spokes dog years or whatever the fuck in dog detective years. So they wage just all out war and, you know, most of like the regime is defeated.

The lightning's destroying the whole city. All the Nazis are getting killed. There's the, uh, with those with those rocket bees. I just had a note here. I noticed that that was the. What was the Vlaz? Classic pickle guy. Oh, yeah. Lesser pickles there. He's like him and Larry Miller go up against this robot B. Luftwaffe to mixed results. I feel like everything happens in this movie to mixed results. Ray Fides is in the tower pick it off to Vlasic pickle guy. There's a there's a stinky French cheese guy that that leads us in a French resistance song

because we're going to put the Nazi thing even further. in your face it's the nazi thing but we also have to parody the scene from casablanca where we're singing the dueling national anthems like are you fucking serious who like i understand right like the formula for a successful animated movie these days is like stuff that kids can just watch and be idiots about and you know things that can attract adults but not just straight up parodies of better movies fucking michael curtis is rolling over in his grave with this also a parody of World War II. Jerry Stiller says,

I was only following authors. Oh, yeah, that's right. There's a whole Nuremberg gag in there. Man, Nuremberg jokes. That'll go over well with a 10-year-old. They just hang them. Yeah, they should show them being hanged. And, like, how about Jerry Stiller putting a cyanide capsule in his potato face?

Then he dies in his cell. He, like, pulls out a false two. and fucking swallows it. For a thousand year right. And the jolly green giant is George smiling. He's trying to fucking figure out who the mole is. The jolly green giant would have been a welcome edition.

Yeah, that'd be great if at the end they have to, it's easy to write this movie. You got to go to the enchanted forest to get the jolly green giant to come in and fuck shit up. You got to talk to the kebler elves to find out where where he's been sleeping for so long to bring him back to save the day? There's definitely some bootleg Keebler elves

in this movie because Wayne Brady's little chocolate squirrel crashes his plane into what is clearly the Keebler elves tree but they're all like dwarves and they're like, oh no, now we got to move. Look how great. Classic Keebler elves joke.

Now we've got to move in with snap crackling pop. So they're all defeated except for Eva Longoria. Parker and the two Nazis, or I believe Jerry Stiller like runs away because he's a coward, but the reptilian's still around. And they're back at the

headquarters, her headquarters and, you know, she reveals that she's had the little raisin cat all along and whatever. And like the Nazis got like some sort of weapons stuck to her head. It's like a weird

gun that looks a lot like it would be like what you would use for Roger Rabbit to admit Mr. Dip. Like, it's just like this green thing that you don't know what the fuck's going on. It looks like it's in like a cock dispenser kind of a thing. And he's going to blow her away. Right. There's one part there too where he saves her blah, blah, blah.

And they're down to the street. But he saves her in terms of like he jumps and he shoots the guy in the heart with the cock gun. The cock dip, whatever it is. Yeah. The Nazi gets it like right through the chest or whatever. I mean, it's really... Soils himself. He's, oh, I wet myself.

I mean, the movie is really, like, violent and there's death all over the place. Like, you think about, again, like, some of like the Lion King, where there is a lot of action, there's a lot of fights, but, like, Mufasa dies, and then Scar just kind of dies at the end.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, he goes into a fiery pit. You know, you're pretty sure he's dead. Yeah, he falls, and it's whatever. And actually, the hyenas eat him to death. It's pretty awesome. But still, like, it's just, it's one death for the biggest film,

but this guy's just getting murdered. All these, like, little fucking... beautiful little icons just get killed left and right. And what's crazy? Or left and right, I should say. Sweet Nazi pun. There you go. No, but the weird thing, too, is they're constantly like, I'm going to kill you.

And like, oh, they're killing us. Like, in all those movies, it's like, we're dying. It's always like, you will be destroyed. I'll destroy you. This is like, you're going to fucking get killed. You're going to get murdered. Got to learn sometime. I'm going to see your little chips-ahoy brain splattered all over 4th Street.

And then I'm going to fuck your lady. I actually was afraid that the, uh, the Raisin Girl wouldn't come back, but at the end she'd be the black doll. Yeah, she's just on the fucking side of the road. Well, there's half of her there, and there's half of her there. Oh, no. It'll never be sunshine again. So the last piece of business in this movie is Christopher Lloyd comes to town.

Oh, my, because all the Nazis are dead. And it's like, oh, we're running Brand X out of town. Christopher Lloyd, as we understand, a human going into this world. Exactly. He's in there, like, Godzilla-ing all over the place. It doesn't make sense if we're in this alternate reality because there's just a fake sun somewhere. Like, how does he enter that atmosphere? I love it if Christopher Lloyd, like, bumped his head on this one.

Ah! It's burned his forehead. And he's just moving around. Like, you've got to at least look up part of this movie if not watch it. just to see how Christopher Lloyd's character moves around. It is the most bizarre thing ever. It's strokey McJigglesworth. I mean, he's just walking all over the place.

And so how do they bring it down? Does he also get struck by lightning? He might. I don't know. Who gives the shit? He falls down. He probably just, like, has another stroke. It's finally the one that did him in.

And, like, he falls down and his face opens up. Like, oh, my God, his brains. But no, it's even like, even like, Goria, like, he's a big power ranger. He's like, fucking driving the megazord. That's a fucking Gundam. Fucking Pacific Rim shit. Yeah, she comes, robot jocks.

She comes out of this thing and explains, I guess, the whole thing. She explains the whole thing about, like, how she used to be the prune lady, but then she went to Brazil and got plastic surgery. And, like, how did you get back to Brazil? And she's like, honey, when you look like this, people do all sorts of things. Humans. She says humans. When you look like this, you can get them to do anything, even if you're small.

So she's like four feet tall and some human guy. Four feet? Four inches. Sorry. Yeah, four inches. Four feet's fine. Yeah, four inches tall. And some dudes that are just like backpacking through South America are taking her with just a ride there or whatever.

Like, how does this even work? I mean, what is? Because she's having sex with humans. What are the physics? a fucking a four-inch thing a four-inch thing that's like maybe a quarter inch wide I really don't know I mean

maybe she found like a Brazilian scientist that had his like own shrink ray it just went down shrink himself down like all right let's do this how do you perform plastic how do you perform plastic surgery that's four inches tall

look to a doll maker so in the world of this movie there's also a Brazilian mad scientist who wants to have sex with a little little tiny miniature woman. And also, how did she engineer the Christopher Lloyd robot? That what? Millions of dollars. It has to be the mad scientist. Wait a second, by the way. There's

something about this that I just realized makes total sense. Uh, okay. So she says, okay, she went to, she went down to Brazil as this like decrepit old, disgusting prune mascot, right? Gross. She comes back from Brazil with an army of Nazis. She found the boys from Brazil down there. And she was like, come on, you could do this. We will rise.

She convinced all these ex-Nazis that are hiding out in South America. Please make this movie somewhat. They already did. It's called fucking Food Fight. Where have you been? Open your eyes. I want to see a movie where, you know, In the real world, played by real actors and real people,

a little woman that's four inches tall has to convince the return of the Nazis to take over America. Via supermarkets. Via supermarket chain. That's how they do it, man. That is how you get the widow man's heart through his stomach. So then she starts beating the shit out of Dex Dogtective. And the Italian moose is there to tell us, Oh, the boss ain't never going to hit a woman.

Dex Dog Techdives lives by a code of honor. But I'm an Italian stereotype, so come here. No, he doesn't do that. Forget about it. I'll bounce you off the walls. But then so Hillary Duff, the sex kitten comes in. And she's like, but I'll punch her. And there's like a big old, you know, fucking, no, sexy cat fight.

It's literally a sexy cat fight is what we're watching. I love fucking cartoon cats and fucking cartoon Nazi women. fucking each I mean fighting each other it's great I'm gonna this is my favorite scene to animate I should be pying you the guy says that he animates this

Hey guys idea for food fight too It's called fuck fighting People are fighting each other While they fuck each other So Sunshine Literally beats the ugly Back into this woman Yeah she punches her

And she turns into fucking Billy Crystal and fucking Billy Crystal and the princess pride She just instantly turns into an evil witch out of nowhere And it's fucking disgusting Or Billy Crystal in parental guidance He's a man who looks more and more

Like an old woman every day Sure does What are you gonna do? So there's a great She says some line I guess maybe she's pleading for her life or something And Dex Dog Tective has this great setup to Gone with the Wind. Oh, that's right.

He says, frankly, my dear, I don't give a spam. Why, if you're on this fucking Casablanca cake, why are gone with the wind reference? Where, by the way, I mean, that's it. The movie's over. They get married. There's a big, dumb dancing. Who gives a fucking? But he's Jewish.

Dex Dog Tective is Jewish for some reason. It's just a joke for them to break a glance. or something. Texas Jewish? Yeah. Cautious. Here's the question, though. Why, in the 90 minutes of Casablanca references,

why is he not turning to Wayne Brady and being like, this is the start of a delicious friendship or fucking whatever? Or the French guy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because also the French guy proves himself to be like a hero at the end of the movie. Everyone, there's a lot of like, oh, French. He's a wuss.

And then in the end, he like kind of top. offens up and battles back against these Nazis. Like, yeah, that's your moment to be like... And Cachita Banana is going to fuck him at the end of this movie, too, if you remember. They're like wedding dates. They were both invited, but they didn't have a plus one, and they just found each other. But the weird thing is, she's a human, and he's just cheese. So how does that work?

Oh, it'll work. We also pondered how a grown man in Brazil would have sex with a four-inch cartoon. I mean, you know. It's a lot to think about this week, everybody. This movie was written and produced and directed by this dude Lawrence Kassanoff. He hasn't directed a lot. I believe this is like the only thing he's really directed. However, this guy, this guy, all right, think about this movie that we've been talking about.

You guys watched it, right? Folks at home, if you've seen Food Fight, you know, the quality of this film, right? This guy used to be, or maybe still is, also a working producer in Hollywood. these are the films that this guy is produced okay okay i'm just going to do some of them here but i mean this is this is ridiculous so you've got yourself where do i where do i want to start okay here we go 1989 dream a little dream the two cori's movie it's a classic also in 1989 blue steel jamie lee curtis cop movie okay got to keep going here also in a 89 big year for this guy chud too bud the chud nice

1990, class of 1999. Not bad. Okay, then we got 1991, Goolies 3, go to college. Oh, that's a little much. It's stupid, but this is where things kick into high gear. 1994, this guy was an executive producer on True Lies. The director of Food Fight is an executive producer on True Lies. I'd be more surprised that the director of Food Fight had a conversation with Jim Cameron, ever.

Just conversation. producer on the first Mortal Kombat movie Producer on Strange Days Producer on Mortal Kombat Annihilation A Mortal Kombat TV series And that's kind of it But I mean Fucking true lies

Blue Steel like what are we doing I mean I could just But the thing is I can see In the most cynical way possible This movie makes sense It's just like you know hey It'll be great All this product place

We'll get a ton of money you know and it's it's like those animated movies those kids those are five it's a license to print money these movies they don't cost a lot right and all of it but it just went so terribly wrong it's so deliciously terribly wrong and again though like this is exactly what we were talking about last week with boondock saints two all saints day if it takes you 10 years to get this movie made there's probably a reason why it shouldn't ever see the light of day i know that's not the case for movies you know i know there's a struggle to get your film made but if your movie you're struggling to get made is about a bunch of fucking cartoon advertising icons that live in their own world and fight a

bunch of nazis i want to fuck and just want to fuck everything cartoon frogs aunt jemima whatever daddy wants to fuck maybe your movie shouldn't get made that's all i'm saying and that's food fight yeah that's thanks bob from boston and eight other people that call about food fight i mean we we heard about this movie as far back as like when we were doing the worst of 2012 and all these people were like food fight better beyond there and i was like a fucking food fight the movie what's this oh god this is this i would recommend this movie if you haven't seen it it's a bad movie it's uh it kind of epitomizes everything i hate with animated movies today which is your you put so much more emphasis i kind of just i'm not a big fan of

celebrity casting in animated movies in general i just talked about this yesterday yeah it's garbage. I just think that, you know, maybe you could have one or two, but like with the whole point of it is, the cast is all these big celebrities. I mean, not only you're just like forcing actual real deal voice actors out of like Hollywood films, you're also just

you're putting the money in the wrong spot. Like put it into the animation, put it into the story. Show me something that I've never done before. Have that like Walt Disney or Pixar like pioneering animated spirit. But most of the stuff is just like fart jokes that's crudely drawn and with celebrity

voices that you love and that's exactly what this movie is. Fucking and tits and Nazis. Everything a wholesome child's movie needs. Eric, would you recommend it? Speaking of Nazis, I feel like when I watch this movie, my face was melting off. Like I just looked into the arc of the

covenant. I would not recommend it. And I think the message is so terrible. It's like basically saying like you're never allowed to buy store brand because that's akin to fascism. And you always, you must obey your corporate masters you have the oh you only buy mr clean god fucking damn it well yeah

mrs buttersworth you i mean what kind of lessons are we teaching our children what kind of future are we hoping for corporations are just americans eric they they you know you don't want to take money out of their hard earned pockets yeah well you know maybe they shouldn't have murdered the noid then because we're sorry about these things you know like if they're people, they've got to be held accountable as people. I say try Domino's as an adult preferably

in Texas. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry, too. I would not recommend this movie. I've seen this movie twice now. And God, no, just fuck it. It's a horrible message. It's a horrible message. It's horribly written. There's nothing funny about it.

All the voice acting is fucking lazy as shit. No, there's nothing appealing about this. You want to talk about Nuremberg trials? I want to have the food fight trials where the fucking people behind this movie are put in front of a judge and it's just explain yourself.

Explain this movie. Explain to me why you thought this was a good movie because it's one of the worst ideas since fucking moving images were invented. It's that terrible and I'm not being Harry hyperbole and I really wish we were able to have

a Roger Ebert review of this movie. He would have gone north on this shit. He had a chance. He just said, no, thankfully. Yeah, you're right. He was too classy to review food fight. Not us. Speaking of classless,

if you want to get a hold of us, check out our website, WHM Podcast.com. All the episodes of the back catalog are there. Check out the FAQ. And, hey, maybe kicking a little bit of a donation. That's on there, too. Facebook.com slash we hate movies. Also, follow us on Twitter. We are

at WHM podcast hashtag bring back the noid everybody write it in the mailbag if you got something to say questions comments concerns we all hate movies at gmail.com subscribe and iTunes if you do

rate and review there download the Stitcher radio app you can stream the show and all their favorite podcasts on the go uh blame it on outer space Eric's show conspiracy theory takedowns in a comedic fashion

the first Wednesday of every month blame it on outerspace.com at blame spacepot on Twitter and their Facebook page Facebook.com slash blame it on outer space. And that shows on iTunes and Stitcher as well. Our good buddy, Chris Cabin, who's not here today to talk about Food Fight, the lucky bastard, over at Slant Magazine, slant.com.

Remember we got the new theme song that's going to stick with us for the duration of the show. It's made by our good friends in Harrah, Bolt of Light, New York City rock and roll band. Check out their stuff at Haraw Bolt of Light.com. They got a record out called Hello. Buy it in iTunes. It's really great. Come out in May, May 24th, 9.30 p.m. The People's Improft Theater in Manhattan. The pit dash nyc.com for ticket information, like Eric said, Friday, May 24th, 9.30 p.m.

We're talking about cocoon, too. Their return. We'll get our brimly on, and it'll be a really, really fun time. That's about it. Another request next week. Until then, I'm Andrew Juppen. Does Stephen say that? Eric Sisker. Take it easy. Thank you.