We Hate Movies - S3 Ep121: Grown Ups 2

Episode Date: July 30, 2013

In this week's episode, the gang's all here to send off SBE3 in style by breaking the Ten Year rule to rant about Grown Ups 2! In quite possibly the laziest film of the summer, the guys see some of their SNL favorites completely slum it in this useless sequel. How is there no plot? Why do we need to be constantly reminded of how awesome all of these characters are? And when does a sexy prank go too far? Grown Ups 2 stars Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade, Salma Hayek, Maya Rudolph and Maria Bello; directed by Dennis Dugan. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Steven Sadek. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in this week into what is, sadly,

the final episode of summer blockbuster extravaganza three. This is a recent movie. What's going on in here? What is going on in here? It's a movie that is so bad. We decided because there's no way this show's going to be on the air 10 years from now. We have to talk about it in some capacity. Grownups to 2013 directed by Dennis Duggan.

Let's get into it. Well, it's kind of like rushing it to the home video. market, which it should have, this should have be a directed DVD sequel. Starring Larry the cable guy. Yeah. Which to start the argument off right away, Tooth Fairy 2, better movie than grownups 2. It's putting it out there.

I would agree with that. But this shouldn't be a directed DVD movie. This is a huge box office smash. I mean, that's what's disgusting about it. Well, that's hugely successful. What's weird is that 15 years ago, this would have been a huge movie and it

might have been funny. But like, now nobody gives a shit nobody in it gives a shit you're right chris and i think that's what we should like kind of start this out with i'm by the way i saw this last night and i mean i'm going sans notes like this movie is

so burned into my head because of how offensively terrible it is but i mean let's get this out of the way like everyone on this podcast right now is a big fan of stuff that every main cast member of this movie has done sure Adam sandler david david kevin james and

Chris Rock. They're all back. I will say Kevin James, I don't really have a... He's got a couple of good stand-up. The stand-up is really good. Sweat the small stuff I thought was very funny. Swet the small stuff is very, very funny. He's just kind of the new hot face for these movies. It's like it should be, it's kind of the weird

like Chris Farley void. You know what I mean? No, that's, you took the words right out of my mouth. Yeah, it's, well, Farley's dead and we need a fat guy. Come on, fat guy. And we don't want to bring Rob Schneider back. That's... I think there may have been a falling out somewhere because how do they do two grown-ups movies with all these S&L alums

and Rob Schneider's nowhere to be found in either of No, he's in the first one. Who is he in the first one? Rob Schneider. There's a fifth member of the gang who married the old hippie woman. Oh my God, you're right. Wait, why isn't he in this movie? They don't tell you.

That's right. IMDB's stinky. We're stinky or whatever the fucking is. Stinky? Might as well be. That's right. I remember him kissing the old hippie now. That's right.

He drowned. Let's not talk about it. Or maybe he's like, that 35 foot drop or whatever the fuck they try to accomplish in this movie. Or maybe he's just like McClorio Culkin and my girl. He just gets stung by a bee and fucking fritzes out. Rob Schneider getting attacked by a swarm of bees. That's what I want to see. That's what it should be him getting lost in the woods for like two hours and then him dying.

It's like into the wild, but with Rob Schneider. He starts to get some exposure. Grownups to Cullen Explosure Exposure It's exposure and bees It's sort of like a shark

NATO type of combination Like pneumonia And then snakes come out Exposure to bees Yeah You know And David Spade You know

Again like recent David Spade No like I haven't seen a second of Rules of Engagement That's still on the air somehow But I mean Tommy Boy PCU As we said to other last night Eric black sheep is a million times better than this movie oh yeah so he's he's

been fun and again by the way aside from kevin james who only audition for the show and didn't get it all of their stuff all three of them on saturday night live were fantastic it was the bad boys they were the bad boys of the bad boy era with again chris farley dead in the ground you know like that's that's what this movie is it's kind of like there and now they're all grown up with kevin james and it they've lost any kind of engine or drive to make anyone laugh they don't give a fuck and there's a sense of reunion even in just like the minor

like Colin Quinn shows up John Lovitz shows up I mean that is the one thing that I think is cool about this movie is that you have those people from that era you've got Maya Rudolph Colin Quinn who Colin Quinn may be crossed over with Sandler and those guys when he

was a writer but I don't think when he was doing update obviously I did a spit take when I saw Ellen Clegghorn is like she's fine where did her out of Ellen Clegghorn Tim Meadows. All the young guys, too. Samberg, Forte, Bobby Moynihan. What's the, Sherryot Terry? Sherryot Terry's in there? What the guy who directed McGruber?

Jorma Toconi and then the other guy from Lonely Island. Like, they're all there. And I think that is, that's a really awesome thing for Sandler to be like, all right, you know, why not? Let's make it a big Saturday Night Live party. Bring the young guys. That's cool, too. Who cares? But don't let them say anything. Yeah, do not let them be funny. Your elders are speaking. They just got to, you know, put.

Bobby Moynihan's ass up on the window or whatever the fuck happens. Who's the guy that's got, like, come on his mouth? That's a weird shot. Oh, it's bird shit, you mean? Oh, it's bird shit? I thought it was, uh, not seeming. I thought it was, uh, shampoo or whatever. No, I thought it was, he goes, he goes bird shit and he licks it.

That's, um, Taryn Killam, who's, you know, I guess sort of poised to be the biggest actor on the show next season. He's married to, uh, Colby Smalders from Avengers. Oh, nice. Oh, yeah. And Paul Britton was in this, too. Yeah, Paul Britton, the little guy who, did like uh he did james franco and weekend up he had like one season and got fired but uh i thought

he was funny on that so you i mean that that to me is cool it's the only positive thing i'll say about this movie i have not seen the first movie i'll raise my hand and neither of i saw it in theaters i drunk in case you're wondering chris kavin did the old creaky hand when he said that so he was kind of drunk you were creaky hand drunk no i mean i kind of remember that it was a movie uh i mean yeah i i all right so i'll take the fall on this one yeah i mean i saw this in the theater and uh it was an air conditioning movie kind of afternoon and that movie at least has a story to it their old fucking basketball coach dies and they all go to the summer camp

where they went every summer and they'd have the funeral and then it's like collin quinn and norm macdonald and some other people are like the townies or whatever and they're like basketball rivals and I mean it's it's a bad movie it's nowhere near as bad as this and there's an actual like plot and you know things that kick the story off and is is norm actually in that movie I thought he got like cut out or something no norm's in it I think he's got like maybe one or two lines like they go to like a public pool or something in norms there I think it's the same thing with the John Lovitz thing in this movie you don't get to be funny we're being the funny ones today John Lovitz is still the funniest part of this movie oh absolutely

Absolutely, but they didn't want him to have any more time because he would so clearly steal the shit out of him. Like, why can't he be somebody's snooty boss? You know, one of the, like Chris Rock works for the cable company in this movie. Why can't John Lovitz be a rival cable company guy or whatever? Like, don't make him just this weird janitor for two scenes. Yeah, his character is completely useless. But I think his character is probably the funniest in the movie just because John Lovitz is actually, I don't know, funny. He's hilarious.

something else? Well, because he's perverted and he owns his perversion. Like, he's just like, I'm a scumbag and I'm just going to be a scumbag for two scenes, whereas everybody else in this is like we're going to be the most terrible people you'd ever want to meet in your fucking life, and then you have to

kind of love us at the end. Because it's really just Adam Sandler, and it's not it's, you know, there's no character they're inhabiting here. No, no, it's just all of them walk, like, the fucking pair of exercise shorts and t-shirt that Adam Sandler wears

in this movie. I'm sure Adam Sandler just owns. Like that's David Spade's trucker hat. You know what I mean? That trucker hat's got a fucking chid strap on it so it doesn't reveal what's beneath. I'm pretty, I said this when we went and saw it last night. I'm pretty certain

David Spade is wearing a wig in that movie. Yeah. I think he's wearing a wig. I think he probably has been actually balding since Tommy Boy. And that's not like a joke that they make at the end of Tommy Boy. Well, that's what I don't like. I don't like about this movie is that occasionally they will and

this also this movie underlines to me what's good what's really good about funny people is that that's a movie that actually where I'm Seller is kind of forced to criticize himself completely whereas this he's just like I'm rich and whatever

and like so let me ask you this though because you and I disagree on funny people I think it's a good movie I think everybody performs well in it and I think it's two good movies in one and it's way too long, but we're not here today to talk about funny people. But, so here's my thing. So you're saying, yeah, Adam Sandler's

finally criticizing himself and blah, blah, blah. Doesn't the fact that he's made two fucking movies in the grown-ups franchise sort of detract everything that he criticized himself for and funny people? I mean, but what I thought was good about that movie was that he is kind of like, I

kind of am used to this. Like, he gets that chance. What's so good about why people kind of don't like that second part to me is that he is getting to look at what his normal life would be like. This is what normal life with Leslie Mann, if you hadn't fucked around, would have been like. Yeah. But then he's like, oh, but they're offering me.

Like, they keep on offer me these $20 million for fucking, like, baby shits too or whatever the fuck. But like, how much do you need, you know? I mean. But that's what I think is interesting about is that he's talking about I'm addicted to money. I'm addicted to this lifestyle I have. I mean, cry me a fucking river. I mean, honestly. Adam Sandler going back to doing those kinds of movies

after funny people and the quote-unquote revelation there and I do like that movie probably more than Andrew less than Chris somewhere in there but it's like Scrooge going back to Cratchett's house the next day after he gives them all the shit and robbing them blind just taking that fucking kid's crutch too just because he thought better of it's like

oh wait money is great I'll be taking that it's the day after Christmas it is This goes to Christmas future And he just Get the fuck out of here, Skellington And he just shoves him out of the way Yeah, yeah, I got it Right, right

Eternity in hell But now is heaven Yeah, it's valid But we're sitting here in 2013 And he's still just making these movies Like why does it have to be He only makes a movie Where he's giving a good alternative performance

Once every fucking 10 years or whatever Because the last time it happened Was fucking punch drunk love Right. But I don't, I mean, to me, and we can, you know, because I'm not going to, I'm not counting that 9-11 movie, by the way. Oh, rain on me. Oh, you're over me.

Rain O'er me. Yeah. Wait, that wasn't one of his big budget comedies? One of his broad. I guess I was the only one rolling in the aisle. I don't think he plays a blue collar slob in that one, Eric. I don't know. Don Chita had some pretty good zingers in that one, actually.

Adam Sandler, at the very least, in even his bad, movies his broad movies yeah like jack and jill he's doing a character this one he is snoozing throughout this whole movie he he has a perfect opportunity to do a bruce springsteen impression and opts not to do it if that's jimmy fallon jimmy fallon's doing a fucking bruce springsteen impression said it was known for it you know what i mean said that's one of the things that like oh man i was like oh all right that's kind of cool he'll do a little bruce springsteen that'll be fun that's the kick in the balls at the beginning of this movie when he is driving the school bus And he opens the door and he does the like,

how about are you going to be a school bus driver? And he's like shaking his hands and doing his little like whatever impression. And I was like, oh yeah, I remember that from 20 years ago. God damn, those were the days. Oh, it's over with nine seconds. Now we're back to just watching you do things. I might as well watch him watch a Jets game. That to me would be more exciting than watching grown-ups too.

Or hey, why not just have him do a K-Mark commercial? Let's talk about that. Do the Kmart commercial. Well, Chris, it's funny, yeah, because this movie is a Kmart commercial. They spend 20-some minutes at Kmart talking about how great Kmart is. And look at this. You can buy a raft in a box. So it's Shangri-Lall all of a sudden.

You can just work out, sleep, take a shit. Kmart's got it all. So not that there's really any plot to this movie because there's not. But so some broad things about it. One, it takes place over the course of one day. It's a bottled time movie. Is it the last day of school? Yes, it's the last day of school.

Everybody's getting ready for summer. And, you know, that night it's announced Adam Sandler's throwing a fucking party at his McMansion to celebrate the summertime. Which, that's... Yeah. Just the structure of this movie, I kept... The first half hour had to be fooled. I was like, and then this day's going to end. And then this day's going to end.

When are they going to get to the fireworks factory? No, and it doesn't happen. Because then things would pick up a little bit. But just because it is one long day where we watch a... people eat breakfast, I watch it eat lunch, I watch it eat dinner. Well, that's the thing. The dinner sequence where you see them all eating there and with their family is really an intermission to remind you of what happened in the first hour. Yeah, everybody's just got to come back together, sort of discuss what they've all done with the day.

So I got pissed in the face by a deer today. Good Lord. So I guess we should start there, really, because that's the opening of the movie. A deer wanders into his mansion. Someone makes its way up to the fifth floor without you. using the elevator. And they pass the butler. Yeah.

And unloads all over. Adam Sandler's mouth. I don't know why, but it's there. It is, by the way, the most computer-fied, computer-y, computer-ific deer you've ever seen. The fucking deer in eight crazy nights

look more realistic than the deer in this movie. And I don't get it. Like, I get, like, for the pissing scenes why you'd want to go CGI, but sometimes that deer is just, fucking staring at the camera and it's still like a fucking cartoon it looks awful it looks terrible and then not only does a piss on him it runs into the bathroom and pees on his young naked son who's in the middle of masturbating by the way he got a is it really yeah it's alluded to that he

was masturbating and no i like this now and it keeps going yeah i'm confused forever well why not just make that this like they do eventually you find out that he was masturbating and he kind of cops to it. But when you actually see him do it, he just kind of covers his junk. Like, that's the whole thing. And then, like, Selma Hayek sees his erection and, like, screams. Oh, God.

I didn't notice that. Because it's, like, because, you know, whatever, your mother, like, sees you in the shower, whatever. She fucking birthed you and raised you, whatever. But he, that's, I mean, that's what it is. Like, he's got a huge fucking erection, and she screams because she knows what's going on.

And now he's got, like, now he's, like, into golden showers, beastie out. My mom and pee on a deer and jerk off. Oh, hey. Yeah. That kid's ruined. I'll tell you that much.

That kid's going to have so many viruses on his computer. Multiple accounts on FetLife. Just for whatever day of the week it is? Monday, Fet Life Day. Look at my Monday account on Fet Life. Deer piss. I'm a fuzzy, but you have to dress up like an elk. Wait, this is like some type of a fetish site?

Yeah. It's like a fetish Facebook. Okay. I didn't know about it. Hey, gang, this week's episode is brought to you by Fat Life. No, it's not. I'll take their money. Yeah, because you know they're raking it in, by the way.

Absolutely. They got Adam Sandler's son. They've got multiple accounts. Got a couple accounts over there. So there's something we need to address in this movie because it's a real problem and it crops up on all sorts of things like Comedy Central specials and Norm McDonald's podcast and every Adam Sandler movie and it's a virus

known as Nick Swardson Nick Swartson I'm sorry is one of the most unfuny comedians I've ever seen and I've seen at least two Nick Swarton comedy specials I've seen him in all these movies in fucking grandma's boy and all he's I just I can't

I don't find it funny I love Norm McDonald's podcast that episode with him is unlistenable because it's just him talking about how he likes to just get drunk and just try to get free hotel rooms because he's Nick Swanson. It's obnoxious. And he's, he is the worst part of this movie.

I will, I agree with you on every front. He's the only one that showed up for work every day. Because he has to though. Yeah, well, he's the whipping boy. He's the one that I think Sandler must be like, oh yeah, Nick, you want a job. Well, you're fucking dancing for it. You know what I mean? You're the one that's going to be getting thrown around and putting shit up your ass

and whatever else he says in this movie that's just some of the unfunniest jokes you've ever heard. Well, maybe that was the thing. Maybe Adam Sandler's on Fet Life. He's like, I need a monkey. So Nick Swartzman's like, yeah, I'll be your monkey. He's just...

He's just doing a thing where he's kind of got like Jekyll and Hyde, like impression going up. Like, because he's just crazy. He's the crazy bus driver. You know, I don't... He's pretty abhorrent, but I remember enjoying grandma's boy, but I was a crinkly hand drunk. I don't know

what was going on. Creaky hand. Creaky hand. Yeah. Eric's creaky head drunk. Well, how else do I log on to FatLife.com? Wilford Brimley gets crinkly hand drunk, all right? Well, because I think grandma's boy

is kind of a funny movie, but Nick Swartson's not like a main character. He's not the reason. Right, yeah. It's all in Colvert. Colvert. Yeah. One of those other Sandler buddies. No, not Alan Thick. I was almost cast in Adam Sandler's grandma's boy, but I just,

I miss the darn audition. Alan Thick. Alan Thick running late every morning. That's a show I want to watch. And that guy plays kind of the Beavis and butthead hippie teacher. Yeah, he does. He is the Beavis and Butthead hippie teacher. Yeah, I mean, because also, yeah,

those guys of course are in it. It's yeah, that guy, Alan Covert, and then the other dude who is like, he kind of looks like Ian Roberts from UCB, whatever, the big guy, he's like cross-eyed in this movie because that's hilarious.

Like, him and Kmart, I can't even. Can we just suggest that first, like, crossed eyes. Hilarious! I mean, that's a joke you don't even have to write. Crossed eyes or lazy eyes or whatever are big this season because it's in that.

It's in the way, way back. Alice and Janie's kid. is a lazy eye. It's hilarious. 90% of her dialogue is making fun of this kid's affliction for some reason. It's pretty awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

But, all right, so they're in Kmart for almost no reason other than Kmart gave them money to be in this movie. Oh, yeah. I've seen commercials. I saw commercials over the 4th of July weekend. Kmart commercials saying, hey, everybody, go to Kmart and also watch the film Grotups. And it's like this movie, it's this thing where, like, it's cross-promises. motion obviously you know they sold everything under the sun and like Kmart's like well we're kind of hip you know you want to take a shit in Kmart where you guys are the artist we're not

gonna I'm not gonna step in and tell you what's what yeah Kmart really does take a beating in this movie it does well because it's like fucking senior skip day they all they all have jobs apparently other than Adam Sandler but they oh yeah by the way Adam sent in this day and age you know what working class America wants to see Adam Sandler's character tiring at fucking 48 years old or whatever as a billionaire I didn't see the first film

So the first film by the way Because one person was creaky hand drunk And two other people didn't see it He's an agent He's a big he's a he's either an agent Or a producer or something like that So he's like they're loaded and live in L.A And then he said this movie's like

He retires Retires before 50 And decides he's gonna move back to his hometown But where all his other friends are slumming it and fucking two-story ranch-style houses or trailers or whatever David Spade lives in, he lives in the biggest house I've ever seen. It's like two

White Houses. It's gigantic. No, yeah, it's way bigger than that. It's like the grand fucking canyon. It's got a backyard. It's got... This house has hills. There's a guard tower. There's archers at the ready. Yeah, you have a concert venue in your

backyard. A whole fucking Coliseum. A moat and drawbridge? If you look Look out Adam Sandler's backyard in this movie. You see Red Rocks. It's just Red Rocks. And you can put a Kmart back there because you guys are the funny ones. I'm just the guy writing the chicks.

You guys have fun out there. Just Alan P. Kmart, whatever. Just you guys, I don't know what funny is. You guys knows what funny is. And it's literally them just walking around to Kmart trying out products and talking about their lives. And making fun of Tim Meadows because he's bald. Yep. First of two legitimate laughs of this movie, Tim Meadows saying,

What? You laughed at that? The first time it happened. It had happened 16 times. I was going to say, did you laugh at the ninth time that happened? The first time I was like, I got another legitimate laugh coming up. We'll get there.

All right. I got two. Anyone else got any legitimate laughs for me? One of them was the second John Lovett's appearance. Yes, me too. He's staring down at like the sexy ballet teacher. And what is the line? He's like, I'm having the time of my life or something like that.

It was very love it. It's very loving. Having a great time tonight. I had a laugh when Chris Rock calls that Fat Kid White Precious. By the way, this fat kid, and it's really unfortunate because it's a fat kid on a bus who's like bullying Adam Sandler's little scrawny kid. And it prompts four fully grown adults, professional comedians to make fun of how fat this kid is. If they were doing that on Facebook, that kid would have killed himself. like he Adam Sandler gets on like the PA system of the bus and just makes fun of how fat this kid is like four times it's really Dennis Dugan's bully

although no one's forcing anyone to watch gay pornography which is a joke I made last week holy cow do I have to see that movie oh bully it's terrible is that streaming on fat life I think it was fett life was created by the director of that movie Larry whatever the fuck is Larry Clark that guy's a fucking child molester yeah he's a child i he's not a child molester he just clearly likes looking at teenage boys with i thought we were talking about that anti-bullying movie oh no that also that was the documentary so for a week now i've been thinking that like uh somewhere in this documentary about bullying the bullies actually make kids watch gay pornography and then i was just like oh my god i got to go

watch that that's on netflix no that's it's the dude from carnival who's also interming terminator 3, Nick, whatever his name. Stahl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in the late great Brad Renfro. That's right, yeah. And Nick snubbed by the Oscars death reel Brad Renfro. R-IpD. Brad Renfro, yes. Nick,

whatever's name is, is not dead, though. I know, but he had a near-death experience. He's also in a psychiatric institute right now. Although he gets fucking murdered and in the bedroom. Oh, that's right. Anywho, we're in Kmart. So after bullying, like, you know, Adam Sandler's a little pissed because his son didn't stand up to the bully.

So they're like, oh, you're a pussy. You remember how you stood up to our bully? And he's like, oh, who, that guy? And, like, he kind of, this is when Adam Sandler tries to joke around a little bit where he's like pretending to be afraid. And it's like, oh, I see. You're acting there. All right. Oh, look at that.

Hey. The bully, by the way. Welcome to the program, Stone Cold Steve Austin. What a treat this was. Well, because we had to jump ahead 10 years. because she's been making some great bad movies in the last couple of years. He's got a movie that, you know,

I don't know, maybe some folks out there whenever it is, you know, the next time we do a listener request month, I forget what it's called, but it's him and Steven Seagall playing Best Budds. It came out like last year, or no, maybe even early this year, but it's like they're assigned to help decommission

this prison and then all hell breaks lose. It's like they are, it's Steven Seagall's the expendables, and the only expendables are Stephen Seagall and Stone Colds, Steve Austin. Steven Seagall threw an expendables and only Stone Cold show up. She's like, come on, I'll get the whole gang.

I guess because he was, what, was he killed off in the first expendables? Yeah, he was one of Robert's henchman. Yeah, he gets a pretty phenomenal death in that movie as far as I remember. He's also in Vinnie Jones' The Condemned. Oh, God. Not that Vinny Jones directed it.

That'd be great. Why can't I direct a move? because all the shots would be too high Vinnie everything would be a bird's eye it's like it's like a movie that feels like you're driving a giant SUV

oh my god I don't know Kmart happens Nick Swartson's all fucking strung out on Coke so he takes the shit and like like in a toilet Kmart

a show toilet a show toilet one of Kmart's show toilets which I don't know if they have I mean And I haven't been to a Kmart in a while, so maybe they've sort of like rebranded themselves like a Target or something. Well, I'm thinking by a toilet and Target either. Maybe they're trying to get in on IKEA's.

Yeah, that might be. Well, IKEA doesn't sell toilets. I mean, it's Sears, right? That sells toilets. I like how every time we, somebody else brings up someone that might sell toilets, someone else refutes it. So I will say Sears doesn't sell toilets. Caldores? The Gap sells toilets.

Let's just literally the Gap. The gap. Let's just flush this one, guys. Oh, look at that. So it's the middle of the day. We've had literally 20 minutes in Kmart looking at all the things you can do. They're barbecue and they're drinking beer.

And then they're like, oh, my God, we have to go to our kid's ballet recital. Just Adam Sandler's kid. Yeah. No one else, none of the other people in this scene have a horse in this ballet recital. No, Kevin James's daughter as well. Because that's why he has a cat.

No, he's just a perver. Him and Maria Bella are just there. That's what makes no fucking sense. Everybody has jobs and everything else has to go to some kids' ballet recital in the middle of the fucking day. Yeah, the reason why everyone has to decide not to get a paycheck today is that this teacher's got a great set of hooters. Yeah.

She's got real talent movie hooters. What talent? Oh, yeah. She's a ballet instructor. She has gigantic boobs and they all want to go. And because, you know, Steve, they're one big family, man. They're all just going to show up. And also just to serve this movie's ends of showing me these girls' tits,

it's her on stage and she's doing ballet with the kids. That doesn't happen. Well, no, I bet that that happens where the teacher's like, okay, kids, come out and do what I do. Like, remember what we practice. But this woman is doing out-and-out stripper ballet. And then these little girls come out like, la-la-la-la. And this woman is, like, crawling on the floor, cleavaging from here to kingdom come.

And how is this even comedy? This is just an excuse to show breasts. And that's all this movie does. I mean, it's so goddamn broad that it's just like vomit jokes, shit jokes, and breasts. Cleavage. Yeah, it's just... It's just cleavage. Yeah, you know what, Adam Sandler?

Why don't you just go and make a full-on porkies-esque boob comedy? It's cleavage nonsense. Just do pornography. And fucking, we did miss one thing that I think is important. Tim Meadows, bald, working in Kmart, he has a brother. He certainly does. And who plays his younger brother there, Chris? That would be Shaquille fucking O'Neal.

Good gravy. If you, and we don't plan these that well, these summer, as you could tell. If you would have told me five months ago, we would have done two Shaquille O'Neal movies in the summer blockbuster, I would have fucking hung myself. Well, because the only other options would have been blue chips or, fuck. fucking Kazam. And I'd say Blue Chip's a damn good movie. No, I know. That's why it would have been Kazam. But Kazam's

better than this end steel. He is, yeah. That guy has not been, did not take the season off for acting class. He certainly didn't. Because he's terrible in this. He's playing a police officer. It's him. And then that third Adam Sandler Lackey, whose name I don't know.

Yeah, that guy, he's in he's one of the gay guys in Big Daddy. Yeah, yeah, I know. I know. Yeah, I don't know his name either. And the whole, I mean, and the whole scene is just laughing or what we're supposed to be laughing at fucking people ogling this ballet teacher. And Shaquille O'Neal is there.

He's a police officer, took the day off as well, to stick his tongue out while looking at this woman as if she was a Philly fucking cheese steak. It's, like, it's a bunch of guys who don't even have children standing in the back of the auditorium going like, La La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la you. He really is. If you watch this movie him and his partner have going through a series of crimes. They're discharging their weapons in the air. They're doing madness. They should be kicked off the force and probably put in the electric chair. Shaquille maybe two electric chairs. chairs. Do they go on top of each other or do they go side and side? I think maybe he just puts a foot in each. There are three ESPN

employees in this movie. Oh, man. And it's obnoxious. There is Dan Patrick playing a creepy gym coach who wears like thong shorts. And you're seeing his asshole the entire. Yeah. He's really showing it. It's weird. And then you got you got boomer. The worst scene in this movie is Chris Berman.

Chris Berman who's like on the soap opera, like telenovela or whatever. And then you've got this guy's more regional. He's the voice of the New York Yankees and he's on ESPN New York. Michael Kay does the drive time show. And it's weird. I don't know what, I mean, I know Sandler's a sports fan, but I don't know what his deal is with ESPN because he always goes on the national show in the morning, the radio show, Mike and Mike and always plugs

whatever movie he's got out. He did it for this movie. He did it for the first grown-ups. He did it for That's My Boy. It's really bizarre, but these guys are just in this movie. Michael Kay is not bad. He's the football coach that went like for half a second when Sandler's kid is like really great at kicking the football.

Also, Adam Sandler talking about a football kicker. I'm like, oh yeah, lonesome kicker. That was fucking hilarious on those great comedy albums you had. Back to grown-ups. Talk to you later. Can we talk about the... We've talked about it a couple of times

as the male to female. Like, the women, the men that women have to marry in movies, unfortunately. Right, right, right. The disparity in that ratio. No more so than this ever. Right. In this movie.

In this movie, you've got... My Rudolph and Chris Rock, that's believable. That's pretty much on par. That works. Give or take, back and forth. David Spade and no one. That's also works. Well, no.

keep in mind David Spade's sort of love interest in this movie is that jacked bodybuilder woman who works at Kevin James Auto Garage and by the way and this is how terrible this movie is to women like oh this woman works out you know that's her thing fine but

female bodybuilders whatever it happens they exist they're normal they're women and then but no no no we got to make all these jokes like she's got a dick or something or how weird it is like they're a car bitch they throw a rock at her head no there's like over there's six instances where someone speaks to this woman in this movie,

and five of those times are people being like, she's got a dick. The other time is David Spade licks tanning oil off her bisoned. As if it were a caramel apple. I think this movie might be actually made for Peter Sarsgaard's character and boys don't cry. Like him and his pals drinking beers. Like, I think that's the intended audience.

For people who hate everybody and want to kill people. I'm going through the IMDB cast here to see if we missed anybody. And speaking of S&L alums, anybody remember Melanie Hutzel? Because she's a mom in Kmart in this movie. Nope. Melanie Hutzel. That's all I remember about Melanie Hutz's time on S&L. We're also forgetting the fucking plague that is Sherry O'Terry.

Yeah, Sherryotary's terrible in this movie. She's a woman that was once going out with Sandler who's obsessed with him because obviously all women would be obsessed with her and that's how we got Samajak you were talking about the women in this film and it's what kind of curse is this and then Maria Bello with fucking Kevin James give me

and like he's sitting next to Maria Bello and filming this bodacious babe like oh man I can't wait to jerk off to this later while Maria Bellow's asleep upstairs like are you fucking kidding me? Yeah she's like oh, I understand your need to

leer at other women. Let's go to this car wash where these high school cheerleaders are like basically getting naked and rubbing themselves on a car. God bless America. I want to encourage your love of underage girls.

I want to treat you to it. Because I'm a weird wife. Hey, guess what? I'm a weird wife. You like that little girl? Let's go watch her. That's what you're thinking. That's what you're thinking. But this movie's thinking, that's a cool wife. Oh, it's a super cool wife. No. You're 40. You want to watch a 16 year old girl wash our car? Instead of thinking about this body, I go to Planet Fitness every fucking day to tone. Why don't you think about these cheerleaders? Sure. Yeah, she's actually taking care of herself. And Kevin James just looks like, I don't know, Chernobyl.

That's a bad, that's a rug he's got these days. Can we all agree on that? Kevin James? I think he's sporting a rug. It's a bad It looks like Jeremy Piven hair It's a little too close To Jeremy Piven's doll hair That is straight up doll hair And this is also

The car wash scene is where We get all those other S&L cast members Such as Bobby Mornaghan Yeah And Will Forte is a little old To be in that crew, isn't he? Yeah well I mean

The other thing is We all We just had a great laugh about it I don't want to spoil it but I think they're all college kids, by the way, because they're all wearing the insignia of, like, the local college. Really, but, oh, okay. Yeah, I guess I would actually establish that there is a college there.

Yeah, there's a, well, there's a vague reference to a college being somewhere in this town, because the bad guys in this movie are Taylor Lautner and fucking Mia Ventimiglia, Milo Ventimiglia. And also, just to make point, because you brought up Shaquillo O'Neill and Bad Lieutenant earlier, He does have a shirtless scene because he gets washed by the cheerleaders. Oh, that's right. It's fucking heinous.

And then the other cop, whose name, by the way, is Peter Dante, I just remembered, playing Officer Dante, is like also just washing him and I'm like this isn't funny. And then Taryn Killam eats bird shit for no reason. For no reason. That's what's kind of frustrating.

Yes, it's cool that they're all in this movie. I think all those guys are great and they're still much funnier than all the other older fellas in this movie but they're just given nothing to do and you're being brought down to that level by fucking eating bird shit off of a car. And you're right, why not just pass the fucking baton

have them be characters in this movie and have them. They're kind of just extras. I guess it's a cameo, but I mean, come on. Anyone who is not Adam Sandler, Kevin Spade, all those fuckers. Anyone is not the principal four has to hum- or their wives or children

has to humiliate themselves in this movie. Yep. downright humiliate themselves. Correction to that. Correction to that. The wives do have to humiliate themselves because... That yoga scene? Yes.

We could get a... Yoga scene, this is... By the way, this thing takes place during one day. I did have to make notes because I watched this two weeks ago. My big note is, what time is it? Because you never know... How could this at all take place in a day? They fit a lot in.

You're right. So intercut between the boys in Kmart being bad boys and bad Kmart, all the women hang out together and do yoga together and they make fun of this woman has a different body type because she's muscular like hey nice dick bitch and Peter Sarsgaard fucking drinks his Miller Light and is really loving it

he's like I'm gonna fucking kill somebody later I'm a girl you know He's a genuine draft man And this is where Lovitz comes in Who's legitimately kind of funny But what they have to do in this scene is degrading. Right, but also it just makes

every lady character in the scene the dumbest fucking person ever because John Lovitz comes in and yeah, he's being very funny he's being Lovitz and he's like, all right ladies, your instructors late so he told me to get you

started on some warm-ups and then it's shit like bend over smack your ass and like they're all falling. He's dragging the mopping bucket behind him. Yeah, he's clearly not making an effort to cover up the fact that he's the janitor

of the yoga studio, I guess. And now juggle your titties, ladies. Just flip them in the air there. It's so stupid. And you've got to watch... Smack your ass a little bit. Smack your ass a little bit. So you have these actresses

doing this stuff. And it's like you sort of, you know, I guess there's kind of a laugh there, but it's really just for the audience's objectification. And these are actresses I like. I love Salma Hayek. I love Maria Bella. I love Myrudeau. And I don't know who's, and there is no fourth. The fourth is the muscular woman who might as will be put to death. There's the muscular lady. And then also, though, another person who's in the yoga studio. And then I don't remember what family she's a part of, but they pop up from time to time. She's the wife of the principal who gets blue paint everywhere. Yes, the wife of the principal is Sandler's wife. Oh, and then their kids are Sandler's kids.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, just to make this more of a family affair. Oh, it's a family affair, all right. And, I mean, the kids thing is we get to watch grown-ups junior a lot. All these kids have little things. David Spade has a son who's like this big psychopath. He looks like Alexander Sarsgar. He does look like Alexander's guard.

Oh, you know who that is? That's the guy from The Hunger Games. Oh, Josh Hutcherson? No, he's the bad guy. Oh, yeah, okay. I mean, he's just kind of an unknown actor. Yeah, no, it's not Josh. or the Hemsworth brother

Rory Helmsworth I think his name it's Liam Liam Hemsworth But I mean I think Yeah that's a thing also where it's like Hey if we get all the same actors back They're going to be a lot older and thus can competently perform in scenes more

Just do it so we have to be in this list Absolutely and we watch Sandler's kid and Chris I never get the whole I mean it's a movie thing I was never friends with my dad's best but this is what my dad didn't have a best friend that he hung out with every fucking day he was a grown man

that he skipped out on work for for his responsibilities but I'm not hanging out with that kid's that guy's son we kind of did growing up but then that other family had a bad divorce and we never really hung out with them

after that due to moral outreach you were Catholic we were all just so fucking disgusted that they gave up we don't hang out with the condemned You might We don't need no

No damned child in this house I will say I was a child of divorce Went to Catholic school There was, I don't remember the They shut the door in your face No, I don't remember the context or anything But at one time during religion class They asked everyone whose parents were divorced

To raise their hand Oh no! And I was like, uh, what are we doing here, folks? Were you the only one? No, I was in a couple of kids. It was New York City. Yeah, the New York City. Inner Cities.

No, okay. Kids, pass your crucifix forward if you are a product of divorce. All you divorce kids can just put your head down during religion class. You're not going to get me benefit. You can go sit in the basement. Oh, it's already been decided. So, I don't know. So what I was going to is the watering hole.

So you watch Sandler's son and Rock Sun get into the hijacking. Oh, and Spades, son, they all go. And they're like, oh, let's get into trouble. Let's go to the watering hole. And there's like a big college party. and this girl who's wasted gives them give Sandler and Spade's kid and Rock's kid beers yeah

and this is a twofold thing the way I took this this scene because she's like drugs like hey have beers and walks away and look at her ass like yeah and they dump the beer out I think they dump the beer out because at core this movie is family friendly bullshit as much as the shit

and the piss of the farting and the tits you're right because Sandler's kid does he says to Roxie kid like I'm not ready for beer yet which is horseshit you're 17 years old yeah no you're you're you're prime yeah yeah that's right

you're drinking that beer and that's so much fun too like I mean in the 80s you'd watch like drunk kids and like oh that's kind of fun dude I just rewatched weird science the other day and they fucking go to that blues bar and get shit hammered and Michael whatever his face is

what's his face Anthony Hall yeah Anthony Michael Hall is like talking like a black blues musician it's the funniest thing you've ever seen in your life because they're drinking straight scotch and they can smoking smoking cigars by the way and you you can't like and you learn a little lesson they vomit and then kids are like oh i'm not gonna drink even though they will and yeah oh my god a hangover i'm not gonna do this for a while another turn would be well these kids decide to start dumping out the beers they're given and they continue to hang out with the drunk girls and start i it's fondling them, I would say, like getting all over them. They're dancing up on them. There's some hugging, you know. They take their shirts off at one point. It's very much implied, these girls are drunk and they don't know what's going on.

Let's rape them. Let's take advantage of the situation at the very least. I mean, if you are going, like a normal kid going to this situation, oh, it's a party. We'll drink too. Have a little fun. See where things go. but this calculated move of not drinking. Maybe I'm just offended by not drinking.

How dare you? I can't wait till you have kids. You're going to drink that fucking beer. You hear me? Yeah, man. Fucking European household. I said before we go on there, this is a rapescapade. It is, it's at the very least weird and creepy.

To me, anyway. Well, it is because at one point she does say to, one girl says to Sandler's kid, like, are you guys as wasted as we are and he's like uh yeah and then they're like pretending they're pretending to be drunk which is weird they start acting like oh yeah this is a great time sars guards in the audience oh good move man i never had the discipline for it myself but i appreciate it you but what i mean i mean honestly that has to be the angle here because you're not at this party to have fun like which is what the objective of a party is

You're there to fool women into thinking you are also inebriated so that they could feel safe passing out. Problem is, though, we've now overanalyzed this scene for longer than the scene actually is because then it's back to like, oh boy, I just wish I could ask Julie out on a date. And then he instantly goes back to being like a 17 year old kid who can't talk to girls. It's just it's an oddly placed Porky's-esque, you know, or you know, maybe a revenge of the nerds. Esk bit of shenanigans. Well, then they Revenge of the nerds, they would have actually raped the girl.

Full-on rape. That cackle afterwards. Ooh, that's chilling, isn't it? Bone chilling. That does happen in that movie. Sexy prank. Yeah, that is it. We've had this argument before.

You and your sexy... You go fucking defend sexy prank in a court of law. You see where that takes you. I'm just like saying it like that. Sexy prank. And the sexy prank that Andrew loves so much is pretending to be a girl's boyfriend and then having sex with her and then laughing in her face afterwards. Who allows a Darth Vader helmet to be kept on during intercourse?

This guy, right here. Fatlife.com. That's your Wednesday profile, Vader helmets. Oh, yeah. But you know what? I'm not too big. I'll take a dark helmet, too. A little space balls action

And then I'll take You know You see where I'm going What the hell A couple of Ewaks Just do whatever happens Well if I'm going to have a sex With a midger

They might as well be dressed up Anywho The film grown-ups Oh this is grown-ups Duh Yeah This is when we meet Milo Ventimiglia

And Taylor Lautner They're like bullies Because they're frat dudes And they're in good shape And that's like The worst thing That could ever happen Anybody

I'll tell you what, man, Taylor Lautner's just standing there doing non-CGI backflips. Yeah. I mean, pretty impressive. So, and they have the one, the only evidence that I have that anyone rehearsed anything in this movie is that secret handshake. I'm like, oh, that's well choreographed. Like, somebody showed up the day before to do this. Yeah, they do a big broy frat house, like, secret handshake, and it's like, it's extensive and, you know, comically so. And it plays, honestly, like, they're an okay part of this movie.

And they're bullies. and they make them like strip down naked and like do the much in the trailer jump into the lake scene. And this leads into something that I want to spend a little time on is the fact that there are a number of characters in this movie that clearly just have superpowers.

They are undefeatable. They're fucking unbreakable, actually. They're unbreakable. Because this is, you see it in the trailer and it's not just cut that way for the trailer, but Kevin James jumps off with his fucking big red wing work boots on and lands on David Spade's face from 35 feet up in the air.

And David Spade just comes up and has that, I was inside you joke, and he's totally fine. My secret favorite ending that doesn't exist for this movie is Tim Meadow saying, I'm just like you. I'm just like you. They call me Mr. Glass. By the way, I think this scene is very much like the movie itself.

Instead of taking a couple of hits and keeping your dignity, I mean, these are kids telling you to strip naked and jump off a goddamn cliff. Yeah, just get in a fight with that werewolf. Yeah, exactly. Just let him beat the shit out of you, keep your clothes on, brush yourself off, you'll be a goddamn man.

And that's not what anyone in this movie does, and that's not what they do with their careers either. It's like Adam Sandler tells them to get naked and jump off a cliff and they do it, and that's what grown-ups is. Yep. No, it's true. Kevin James, who could wrestle a bear doesn't hit any of these kids

doesn't like fuck you get away well he's probably got some bad knees I mean that's possible think about this fat guy bad knees you're real thing you're in good you're lear at women with the goddamn police officer who's 80 feet tall what are you worried about

even if they hit you a little bit these kids are cooked yeah no they that's the thing it's clearly established in this movie that these guys can do no wrong in this town because they're they might as well, the four of them share the mareship. You know what I mean?

They are. Yeah, co-mares. They could, like, Adam Sandler could whip out a gun and shoot all these fucking kids. And the town would be like, hey, ho, what she does in this movie a little bit.

We're going to bury them in the quarry. All Adam Sandler has to do is go to the mayor who should be played by Lorne Michaels and say, hang them at the town square. It's over. It's done with. The superheroes thing.

So there's that. And they all jump off, and it's like one lands ball first, one's face first, back first, and then David Spade gets crushed. And they're all, like, kind of limping, but that's it and whatever. I've done some high top belly flops before, and that shit puts you out for the rest of the day. You're going home. You're going home. You're getting some ice, and you're going to bed. And they just kind of walk out like, woof.

Cut to their tires have been slashed. David Spade's van gets the tires slashed. So they go to Kevin James garage to get new tires put on Where there is a advertisement for five-hour energy drink That's the most obscene part of the whole movie At least they make Kmart a thing Kevin James just drinking five-hour energy drink for the taste And David Spade goes five-hour energy

Nice and that's it He actually David Spade does have a funny joke there though And it was I admittedly yeah had a couple of legitimate laughs but this is one where he goes, you know, five-hour energy, and he keeps drinking them, and he goes, it's something like, oh, they keep me going, and he's like, what are you running to Mexico or something?

It's like, you know, some joke like that told in, you know, classic David Spade fashion, and it works out nicely. But then they put David Spade in the tire of a monster truck and roll him down the hill where he would again be killed. And he just goes down this thing clinking the hallway until Shaquille O'Neill, gets out of his police car, not wearing his steel uniform, and just stands there as this CGI

tire hits him in the chest and just falls over. And Shaquille O'Neal just stands there like Superman. Superpower. There's just superpowers. And then David Spade vomits everywhere, and that's a big old belly laugh from the other prochectile of vomit. Another legitimate laugh for me was

Colin Quinn, and it's just because he Colin Quinn, and he says stuff in a funny way. He works with the ice cream store and he has to humiliate himself not the humiliating made me laugh but what he said that Sandler went to Holly Weird that made me laugh. I was like when people say Holly Weird. I do like

Hollywood. We say Hollywood quite a bit around here because it's funny but I feel like Colin Quinn probably has said Holly Weird a lot of times on weekend update. I feel like it's not the first time I've heard Colin Quinn use the expression Holly Weird. He's going to put that out there. And speaking of

and we mentioned David Space with his trucker hat and his lifehouse singer wig on. Well, you know what? He's hanging on a moment here with you. Yeah, exactly. So shut up. But Colin Quinn, this was another legitimate laugh, is when he's like, David Spade's, an ice cream machine is broken.

And David Spade's like, oh, I can fix anything with a plug. And Colin Quinn says, oh, so you can fix your hair? Colin Quinn is a guy I think is very funny. I was a big fan of tough crowd You know back in Godwin Comedy Central had shows I watched That stage show he did The American stage show where he was going through history

Yeah yeah That was great He's got a new thing coming out Not crazy about him Well I wasn't you know I wasn't crazy about him on update It just wasn't a good fit there He'll be the first one to tell you that

And he replaced what Norm McDonald's Who was like the great For me the greatest weekend Updolls It's hard to fucking come off of Norm McDonald's Don't worry He pays his penance by shitting soft serve ice cream in this movie

and everyone points and laughs out of look he's a big fucking clown and he's like all right this is going to sustain by stage shows for two years you know what I mean? If I get a paycheck from a Sandler movie I can work in you know he's been doing like warm-ups for the show downtown at like the

Barrow Street Theater and shit like really just working out this new thing and that's it's paying the rent I'm not gonna I'm like a fault him for it he performs at the creek in the cave all the time yeah yeah him and fucking Seinfeld was there one time they're good buddies uh yeah it's just it's it's humiliating it's so and it's it's

annoying too because it's like the people who are trying in this movie and the people who are actually doing a good job at making me laugh Colin Quinn love it's all those like supporting dudes are just humiliated for their efforts like they're just embarrassed that's all of his movies he has to set up this like fucking you know these paper men to blow over and be like Look how fucking strong I am. Well, you paid him to do that. Which is weird, though, because it's like, aren't these people your friends? Well, it's the difference between owning your humiliation and, like, kind of, like, swatting it away.

Like, I feel like the main cast is just like, anytime something comes up, they're like, oh, yeah, that was a thing. Anyway, I have a bazillion dollars. But, like, John Lovitz, he's just like, yeah, I'm a pervy fucking Jenner. Colin's like, yeah, I'm a loser who works at an ice cream stand where I was born. Right, well, also, Colin Quinn is sort of, I think, said this right but he's like the bad guy of the first movie yes he's he's like the townie who never left which he still is in this and he hates sandler because they used to be buds and then they like that was somewhere in the creaky hand yeah yeah sorry your hand was creaking but that's

they they play each other in basketball is like the big scene that's the thing though is like this movie it's it it attacks all the wrong people because this guy you know he's fucking working at ice cream store why leave them alone Like, you know what I mean? Like, he never left. He never did anything. They even make a joke about that, though, because Sandler's kid is going to start working there. And he goes, uh, you know, yeah, it's a great first job for a kid.

And Colin Quinn's face, like, goes dead. And he's like, or the only job you've ever had. But so he, this rich guy is coming around showing, hey, kids, look at this fucking loser. I used to work here. You know what I mean? Like throwing rocks down. When I was a baby, I used to work here. Now look at this grown man still working here.

But you know, this movie actually kind of reminds me of, um, now, like a comedy like Meet the Parents or something with Ben Stiller where all the horrible shit is happening to him and that's sort of the source of the comedy. But it's like you take a script like that and then make the protagonist be untouchable

by everything and that all of his friends horrible shit's happening to and he's just laughing at them. And that's what this kind of feels like. It because it is that. It feels like that because it is that. And it's really uncomfortable and it's unfair to these other people that I'm sorry Adam Sandler. They're

doing a better job than you in this movie. You know what his big problem of this movie is? His arc is, oh my God, my wife wants to have a fourth kid, even though I could totally afford it. I run away from any responsibility of raising my own children because she's the woman. That's her fucking problem. And she wants to satisfy

yourself by having another kid. He's like, I don't know. I don't want you to bear another child. Right. But also, I mean, so the thing is, she's already knocked up by the way. When she's like, hey, I'm thinking about having a kidney flips out. But it's like, all right, man. Fine. You're not really cool with that, but then you find out that she's pregnant and you're a dick about it. It's like, all right, you're totally rich. You could devote a wing of your house to the nanny that's going to live with you.

And you know what? You don't even have to fucking talk to that kid. It doesn't even matter because you have all the money ever. And you're pissed off because you're finally like, well, now I get to stay home and I don't have to report to anybody. because she for some reason Salma Hayek owns a boutique in town or at least works there or whatever I think she owns it just for shits and gigs why not doesn't need the money man

just because I don't want to be bored all day but and then like the kids are going to school and he's like well I just want to be able to sit around guess what's going to happen when this kid comes around you can still sit everywhere you want to

because it's going to be a royal baby because Adam Sandler is basically the king of America and that's how much money he has He lives in two white houses Yeah I mean there's no plot to this movie There's nothing It's just strung together very loosely

And that's almost like You think about a movie Like some of those Apatatow movies Get made fun of like oh it's just all these guys Just hanging out together But at least those movies are improvised So they are just like Let's put the fucking camera down

See what happens And like some of that stuff's a little can be inspired you know what I mean like the jokes and it feels improvised it feels fresh this is the hand like this is written to the T no one is improvising anything it doesn't feel that way at least yeah it feels very

awkward and like stilted and nobody wants to do the lines they have to do it's yeah it's a lot of like what's that line all right it's like I see old Krusty the clown guy what's that say talk to the audience oh this is always dead not reading that I just picture like David Spade

being like no no no all right i'll say that one it's just adam sandler doing his like fake laugh from billy madison like he he ha ha ha you suck um man i mean there's just i don't think we're ever going to get to everything in this there's steve busemi for no reason yeah there's there's steve besey who is debasing himself he really is i usually like him in those sandler movies because it's like him and big daddy's fucking hilarious he just to put on a silly hat and be funny you I mean, he likes to do that. And like, Billy Madison is his best moment of that, I think. Glad I called that guy.

It's funny. He loves to do that. But this, he's, he dress. So basically, what we're kind of dancing around, which is the quote-unquote end of this movie, which is Adam Seller, for some reason, throws an 80s-themed party to begin the summer. Because this movie has the audacity to have the same story structure as dazed and confused, by the way. Yeah. That's what it is.

And I literally said on the last day of school, and then we're going to go have replaced the water tower with fucking Adam Sandler's mansion. So who's Wooderson or whatever? Who's the oldest out of all those fuckers? Callin Quinn. Colin Quinn is the wooderson of grown-ups too.

It's the only time you've ever been Colin Quinn equal Matthew McConaughey. Hey man, these high school jobs, I keep on getting older, but I still keep serving ice cream. I get the same pay. And then And then Colin Quinn makes that joke and then looks directly at the camera and goes,

That was all right. Yeah, okay. But, I mean, so he throws this impromptu 80s party. He has the idea in the middle of the day. Somehow the entire town finds out. Entire town. The entire town finds out. And everyone has the best 80s costumes.

Money could buy. They are fantastic. I'm so jealous of every costume in this room. They had like an hour to get this together. Yep. Like, because this was like a party that no one knew was even happening at the start of the day. It evolved out throughout the day. People were like, hey, Adam Sandler, you, you're the richest guy in the world and you got the biggest piece of property.

You should have a party tonight. That's the thing. It's Chris Rock's party he's throwing at Adam Sandler's house. Oh, that's right. Because Chris Rock's like, hey, man, thinking about having my start of the summer party, but we can't have it at my house. It's too small. Let's have it at yours. Because he's cutting loose because he's, yeah, because he's cutting loose because mayor.

Rudolph forgot the anniversary and the only other big thing he does is pour a big pitcher of Pepsi and he has to keep talking about this. It's just like boy I love shopping at Kmart and to me, heaven that's a glass of Pepsi

two glasses. No, two glasses. A whole pitcher full of Pepsi I'm on cloud nine. Hey everyone Pepsi Cola. Drinking. Not the diet shit. Full caloric value. He's not going to drink that died you. I think it is

most disappointing for me to see him in this movie. He is one of the greatest comedic voices that's ever come out of Saturday Night Live, the entire fucking run of that show. And here he is in this movie making jokes about Pepsi. When was the last time he had a stand-up special? I know he

produces that Kuma Bell show which I've seen a little bit of and it's interesting enough. And he's working on a new movie now, but it's just like God damn, what happened to your voice? Where is your comedy want to talk fucking pooty tang one of my favorite comedies yeah yeah and like that was that was what less about it 10 years ago and it's just been awful ever since putty i think putty tang was like

what two thousand one i want to say yeah very early i think what was that marriage movie he did oh i think i love my wife i think i love my life he's he's done the like sandler venturing into those yeah those more serious things and he produced that good hair movie oh he's in also another disappointing Chris Rock turn. He's in what to expect one you're expecting. Oh, is he? Yeah, he is. Oh, no. Yeah, he's like the leader of like the

stay at home dads. Yeah, it's like him and Tom Lennon and they're like trying to make that movie funny, but it's like fucking sending an ElectroValt to a dead guy's heart. Nothing's going to happen. Like you might get a Twitch, but nothing. That's just involuntary. I mean, yeah, he's the one that I just. just, I hear him delivering these lines.

And I look at it around and I'm like, all right, Spade, that's fine. You've been on that sitcom forever. It's okay that you're doing this. But like, oh, man, Chris Rock God. Kevin James is kind of like a nose where his red is buttered because I don't think he would have had a film career if it wasn't for Sandler because he just, King Queens was big for a while. Wasn't it like Hitch one of his first bigger things?

Oh, well, he did do hitch. He did hitch. He did hitch, but I mean, that's, you're just swamped by Will Smith. All those happy. Paul Blart. I think that's a happy Madison joint, if I'm not mistaken. It might be. At the very least,

Paul Bart Malkop is a thousand times more hilarious than this movie. So is the Zookeeper, which is the worst movie I've ever seen. Figure that out. Steve Sadeg's circular movie logic. So speaking of Kevin James, can we just talk about this little tick that he has in this movie where he burps, farts, and what is it, shits his pants? No, sneezes. Excuse me. It's called a burps nart.

Wow, fuck you for remembering that. And you've seen it the longest ago, by the way. That's the only thing I remember is his little famous burp snarts because he teaches his fucking son how to do it. Do you know this because it's happened? I've been practicing at home for my burps narts. One of your interests on Fat Life. Burbsnarting. Tuesday, I'm just burbsnarting.

So, yeah, so it's he burbs, he sneezes, and then he farts. And what's really, what's really aggravating to me about the burps nart, which I can't believe I'm like figuring out one thing that's terrible with it. But the way that he makes the fart gesture is totally a curly from three stooges like when he would do like, when Curley would get like reved up to go run at somebody, he like jerks his hip and arm and does the fart. And I'm like, how dare you make me think of the fucking three stooges when I'm watching? and grown-ups too. It's also the beginning of most people's stroke. Curly had a stroke.

He smelled toast, had burp snart, and then he fell on the ground. Man, that's humiliating in that Three Stooges made for TV movie where Michael Chickles is playing Curley and they do the scene where he has the stroke in the hotel lobby and everyone thinks he's doing the circle floor gag

and they're all just laughing at him and it's just Chickles on the floor like stroke it out. They're like, look, he's doing it for free. Oh, it's embarrassing. Have we talked to... Curly? Have we talked about Chris Rock robbing an

elderly lady of her only joy? Cable television? Again, this is who this movie makes a... Lionizes. This cable guy that wants to just tick around in K-bar all day. Meanwhile, this old lady that just wants to watch fucking television before she

dies. Steve, it's, by the way, it's a big old, my fucking fat hairy mother-in-law joke oh yeah it is it does that one off it's his mother-in-law so we're just making mother-in-law jokes now but yeah so the mother-in-law has an appointment with the cable company and you see like Maya rudolph's on the phone with the lady like and she's like didn't you tell the cable company that your son works for your son-in-law works for them like can't they do something and she's like my cable's been out for days and they said between eight and four and I'm missing all my stories and every time I miss a story I

lose a day of my life it's just all I have left really no one comes to visit me that my cat died last week if I could just watch one little television program and then he pulls up to this lady's house it's like between eight and four he pulls up at like

358 and then he waits for her to go take a big old lady shit and then runs up to the door and knocks on it and she can't because she's a fucking old lady like get back out of the bathroom and then she puts the like sorry we missed you we'll see you tomorrow and she runs out like you know damn you cable company

and it's just another lonely night alone for her she doesn't go to the fucking party she's not invited and speaking of mothers kevin james has an addiction to watching boomer on the snow uh soap opera days of our lives of our lives with ronaldo yeah oh man it's a bad cams playing Rinaldo. I'm Rinaldo. The Adam Sandler movie Bum, Bum, Bop, Bop, Bop, Bac. Who could even imagine that would ever

happen? I just, I couldn't, he turns to the camera and says, Rinaldo. And I was just like, oh my God, there's Chris Boomer Berman just farting it up in an Adam Sailer movie. Congratulations. And he's wearing a wig and yet he's supposed to be playing in

a Hispanic gentleman. Yeah, like a sexy guy. No. Yeah, this movie's like dystopian it's so dystopian so it's we're all having fun at this fucking 80s party Steve Busemi by the way is dressed like flavor flame he's got a grill on

he's like oh white people be whack and I'm like oh my God oh man nothing motivated me more to get back into boardwalk Empire than watching Steve Busemi in this movie I've seen the first season and I thought it was great and then I just kind of fell behind yep I got to get back

into it because he is debasing himself in this movie and it's like I've seen you in other movies I know that you're an amazing actor you're amazing on Sopranos you're amazing in Boardwalk Empire you know you're great and anything you've done with Quentin Tarantino like holy fuck this is just embarrassed

and at what point does he like turn to Sandler and be like you know what this isn't worth it you know like when does he just by one comedy a year you know you ruined it for me that's why like in Eric and I were lamenting this when we went and saw this last night together, we were like, man, you know, we already

knew from his podcast, Norm wasn't in the movie. He pretty much said exactly that. He was like, you know, I don't ask Sandler for roles, you know, if he offers me something fine. And I was like, man, with all the people in that movie Norm couldn't be involved. Norm dodged the bull.

Norm McDonald wins. Hashtag Norm MacDonald wins because he's not in grownups too. Fuck it, Farley wins. Now this is the thing, though, right? if I flashed us all back in time to like 1996 and I was like guys guess what I saw a vision of the future and Chris Rock, David Spade, Adam Sandler, they're all going to be in the same movie and it's all they're all like big roles. Isn't that going to be great? Like wouldn't you be so excited? Absolutely. Now this is a point of groanerific malaise that we like see a trailer for this and you're like, ugh. I well. I know what this is going to be. Ugh.

It's somehow worse than that. It is, this movie is worse than I thought it was going to be. Yeah. I'm not sure if I've seen a worse Adam Sandler movie. Honestly, I'm not sure. Is this the worst Adam Sandler movie? I honestly think Jack and Jill is better. Which, by the way, is Norm McDonald is in.

Playing Fun Bucket. But. I guess I'll have to see it. Don't spoil it. As horrific as Jack and Jill is. And it is. This is just, at least. there's a plot to it. That's the thing. There's no story.

I genuinely laughed at a decent enough clip in That's My Boy. It's not a good movie. I saw the first five minutes of That's my boy and I thought it was funny. I just made sure the iTunes download worked but I didn't watch the whole thing yet. But like yeah, I was laughing at that. That's like sort of Adam Sandler

going back to a well that also worked for him was being in the 80s. That's not set in the 80s but that character is clearly stuck in the 80s, so all those jokes totally work. I mean, the Wedding Singer, amazing movie. Someone asked us at some point if we were going to do an episode about the Wedding Singer.

I was like, that might be his best pure movie. Like, I mean, obviously, grown out, not grown up, funny people, so on and so forth, the real movies are good movies. Right. Like, but like as far as Adam Sandler movie,

right, yeah. I would say the wedding singers probably his most successful. I mean, I like that one. I like Happy Gilmore a lot. And I like Billy Madison. I think Big Daddy is a solid movie I do too. People say that

that he kind of jumps a shark in that. I think he might but I feel like that's his transition movie from good to garbage. Because which one? Big Daddy. Because I think like the first half's really funny. Even like the first I'd say 90 minutes is pretty funny.

But then like that last 20 minutes where they try to make it a big fucking weepy where it's like oh I'm going to lose the kid and now I need to have my own kid and like all that stuff. Right. That's going into what he is now where it's just like every movie is shit jokes. Well, you know

what did that though? The year after Big Daddy was Little Nicky. And that is one of the worst Adam Sandlin movies. That's Rodney debasing himself. Harvey Keitel fucking debasing himself. So do we want to just quickly, I guess, wrap up what the ending of this movie was?

Yeah, that's fine. Because it's ridiculous. Yeah, Taylor Lawner and all the frat guys stormed the party and you know, Stone Cold Steve Austin is there. Can we talk about the Stone Cold scene really quickly? Because that's just obscene. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stone Cold shows up and, like, he's like, I'm going to kick your ass.

He's also married to the hot ballet teacher. It's something you don't realize. And he's the bully from that Adam Sender was afraid of. And jokes on you, it's Stone Cold Steve Austin. Right, but to be fair to the Stone Cold Steve Austin character, he just walks in like, well, I thought this was a party for the town. You know, like, he doesn't, he doesn't walk in. like fuck you Adam Sandler he just walks in like oh you're saying I'm not welcome here

yeah and he gets a little and then it goes from there yeah and then like you know Adam Sandler's still trying to teach his kid the value of beat the shit out of somebody so he goes up to he's like you know I know I'm about to get my ass kicked by Stone Cold Steve Austin but I can't let my son you know get beat up by bully so he picks a fight with Stone Cold and they're about to get into it and Sandler's like you know I'm only doing this for my son's benefit Stone Cold Steve Austin in one of the most insane turns of movie has ever taken and the most

unearned justification of anything I've ever fucking seen goes my little boy is in Afghanistan and I would do just about anything for him and he's like God bless and Siddler has to stop and be like God bless you for your service and his country what is happening?

He's like he's like I thank him for his service I hope he gets home safely and it's just like where do you get off making me think about the war in Afghanistan no no no no that's it's so It's just wrongheaded.

That has no business being in this movie. Everybody in this room supports the troops. I don't need to fucking think about that when I'm watching fucking Adam Sandler finger himself. By the way, we're five minutes out from Kevin James's last burp snart. Exactly. And the Afghanistan thing just fucking is there. Who gives a shit? I thought I'd never say a burp snart couldn't come soon enough.

So Stone Cold gets, you know. yelled at by Adam Sandler and cowers. He like cowers. He has to debase him. He throws the fight. He throws the fight because he's like, oh, if you're going to do that for your son and my son's over saving America, I better fucking cry by the way. I hope the terrorists throw the fight.

I guess. So then the frat boys show up to fight everyone because David Spade's son trashed their frat house single-handedly in an act of magic. It's seriously like

someone fucking took out a Harry Potter wand and went like, you know, vandalishicus and the whole frat house, which also kind of looks like the White House, just became covered in garbage. There are places on like the high levels

of this building where there's just impossible graffiti, and they say in the movie that this kid was the only one that did that. Whatever. So they show up and they're like, we're going to fight you, you old losers, and there's like 150 people versus There's 300 college kids now out of nowhere that are going to fight.

And Kevin James has the balls to come out and say, oh, yeah, we're going to fuck you up, you little, you privileged, rich kids. And I'm like, are you fucking kid? Where do you get off? Where do you think you are right now? You're watching Jay Giles band and your friend's back fucking yard. What are you talking about, Kevin James? And then they do a parody of the big Twilight fight where all the, I don't even,

know what the fuck happens in those movies people are leaping on things i mean yeah it's unnecessarily violent too like the hits are a little too hard for my taste for a comedy fight yeah i mean there literally needs to be ambulances at this house there's gonna be like it's insane like and then of course like chikila o'neal and the other cops are just they're drunk and destroyed and shekele is sleeping in a doll house by the way they throw people that's that's what's ridiculous so milo ventimilia is giving Tim Meadows bald head a Nugie, and Shaquille O'Neal wakes up

and is like, nobody messes with my brother or whatever, and he picks this kid up and throws him across the backyard, over the swimming pool, over the fourth garage on this house. To the moon. Yeah, he might as well

throw him to the moon. It is silly. It's a silly thing to have happen in this movie. It's very silly. You know, it's also silly. There's a bad free throw joke about Shaquille O'Neal. Salmaheck, they're playing like quarters and Salma Hanks like, oh, that's easier than making free throws.

I like to imagine how long it took people to explain that line to Salmaheck. Wait, what do you mean? Well, he was a basketball player, you see, and he couldn't make me. Not that she's stupid, just that you couldn't give a fuck less about American basketball.

And then there's a reaction shot where Shaquil O'Neal looks up from the table kind of growls, and in my head, put in my own sound effect which was because it's so in your face stupid and the table they're using is Adam Sandler's James Bond table which you press one button and it's like

oh we're just having juice boxes the table like flips on itself and there's juice everywhere like what is how does this even physically work? Yeah why is the beer staying in the glasses it makes no fucking sense At last summer's opening of the summer party, instead of the Jake Isbell, and aliens showed up, and they souped up his party table. No, you know what I think it is? They also tipped his ride.

I said that I thought David Spade's kid put a spell on that frat house. We're saying Adam Sandler lives in a big house. I think they just live at Hogwarts. I think they live in the Hogwarts Castle. You know, the end of that last movie, that place gets pretty fucked up. They had to rebuild it. That explains all the costumes so quickly. 80s, and they do it.

So we're towards the end of this film, and sometimes I like to find a little bit of the other opinion. Usually this is reserved for Bruce Stern movies, but I've got a couple of reviews from the internet, from actual audience members. We're breaking all the rules this week. It's okay. So, okay, the first one here is from Rotten Tomatoes user reviews,

and so is the next one, so I'll just go through them really quick. I took the kids and their friends to see this, and we all, including the audience, laughed our way through most of it. Absolutely silly as expected, but very well done. 7% Rotten Tomatoes rating? I'm starting to think these people are as dysfunctional as Congress. Okay, it gets better.

Way to go. Here's the next one. Yeah. It was heavy on some of the stupid shit, but enough of it was pretty damn jokes. Hey, that movie was Pretty Damn Jokes. Hey, pretty damn jokes. And the last one here is from Letterboxed, which is a site that is like more for movie lovers.

So I expected to see some, you know, marks of quality here. So here is that review. And this was like a full star review. Now, this is a funny movie. The movie is like a party. It has no plot. It's just Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James, having a great time

in a town with the cops Shaquille O'Neal plays one four exclamation points and Taylor Lautner who is usually gay is in this and he's cool and the party at the end

is really great I would fuck Salma Hayek that is I did not embellish this at all that's pretty damn jokes that is some pretty damn jokes that is a perfect way to wrap up this grown-ups two discussion obviously no one's going to recommend it

yeah I would not recommend this this is easily the worst movie of the summer for me the worst it's the worst movie I've seen all year and I saw that fucking disconnected movie what was that Bateman movie Disconnected

Oh is that good? I want to see that really bad No it's not good No, no, it's a terrible, I mean. It's crash with internet technology. That's why I wanted to see it really bad. I really am looking forward. Woof, woof, woof, that movie.

But you know what? I would watch that movie six times in a row before I watch grown-ups too again. It's terrible. It's clearly the worst movie of the summer. I don't know any other. There's nothing even close to it. Although I did want to point this up. This summer specifically, and it's, of course, all around in this movie.

But this summer specifically, I've been noticing the, the product placement has gotten so much worse. Yeah, it's really brazen. Everything. Like, I, in World War Z, for the most part, I was okay with it. Brad Pitt's just eating Fritos throughout the whole thing.

He's beat... What's going on here? Zombies, huh? The climax of the movie, it's almost that bad. The climax of the movie, he's just, like, kind of figured it all out, and he's leaving, like, where he gets, like,

the vial of anecdote or not an anecdote of funny stories of funny stories so he's leaving with this to go give it to the world apparently and he stops in the middle of a zombie apocalypse to drink an entire

Pepsi can wow you got it you gotta power up well in his defense that might be the last Pepsi can on earth yeah I would savor the last Pepsi can on Earth I feel like there was a lot running around in Iron Man 3 although I can't

pinpoint there's a ton of it Oh, Stark Industries. It's all over that thing. That loser works in IHop and Superman. Oh, yeah, that's right. And we're fucking up Sears and all sorts of shit. The 7-Eleven's in the background, that whole movie. Yeah, it's just, I mean, you know, these movies are getting more expensive and...

That's how you supplement the income. That's just what you do. Not that they're tanking, by the way. These movies, of course, are all doing gangbusters. I mean, yeah, but you think of a movie like grown-ups, too, here. it's like all the money is going into the star salary. Yeah, there's nothing here that costs a lot of money to make other than hiring these actors.

You can make this movie for $10,000. You know what? How about you take some money out of Adam Sandler's pocket and give it to the CGI artist to make that fucking deer a little more realistic? Why not? Why not? There's a lot of CGI in this movie, actually.

There is. Like the tire shit. Like when David Spade's rolling in that tire. That's all. just fake i mean obviously the shack throwing a person 60 yards oh no that was real yeah oh he's dead in real life yeah yeah i don't know what the opposite of pretty damn jokes is but i think this movie might be it yeah i mean it's always fascinating with these user reviews because of course you know like we're not going to be snots and be like you're stupid for liking this movie everybody

is totally welcome to like whatever movie they want but at the same time it's like really man you were laughing your balls off that much at grownups too was it the first movie you ever saw I don't I don't understand how someone writes a review like that and I think we should end every episode with and I would fuck saw my hack good night everybody just that's how that's how you want to end something but that is a way to end you ever end a movie review like that cabin

only twice so that's it that's grownups too and thus putting an end to our third annual summer blockbuster extravagance and now we got some We've got some news here that people might not like, but, you know, we gotta, we're gonna, we gotta do what we gotta do. Well, Andrew, would you fuck some hack or no? What's the news? Yes, but we're getting a divorce. No one on We Hate Movies is getting a divorce. We're not getting a divorce from each other.

Separation. We're spending some time apart. We're going to take the month of August off and we will be back in September. But never fear because we're going to use the month of August to record. chord three new commentary tracks that will be available at some point. We're going to release some live episodes and some minisode stuff on the app that we still haven't put out yet. So there will be some stuff in August. But, you know, we've been putting out an episode every week since 2011 somewhere. So 10, I think.

Was it? I mean, so, you know, a little well-earned vacation for the We Hate Movies gang. So stay tuned on all of our social media to figure out when we're going to start the show back up. We will, of course, still be active on Facebook and Twitter, so don't worry about that. But thanks for listening, and it's been a nice run up till this point. We're going to obviously keep having a great run after this, and it was a great summer blockbuster extravaganza. I would like to think our best yet.

We'll see what hashtag SBE4 has to say, but that's a long way off. But we'll be back in September. Until then, if you want to get a hold of us, check out the website. It's a good chance to catch up on back catalog episodes, WHMpodcast.com. keep in touch on the Facebook page follow us on Twitter we are at WHM podcast right into the mailbag We All Hate Movies at gmail.com

if you subscribe in iTunes it's a great way to get these old episodes rate and review there if you could or if you listen to us on Stitcher you've downloaded the Stitcher radio app you can stream the most recent five episodes of the show on the go our We Hate Movies official app is available on Amazon

if you have an iOS iPhone you can get it through the podcast box app or if you have a Windows phone it's in the Windows 8 store here's a question Eric you do in an August blame it on outer space yes there will be an August blame it on outer space and what's

the topic do you know yet little tease the black eyed kids ooh that's like the black eyed peas yeah but in child form do they have humps it's terrifying mini furgies and mini

will Iams and mini that other guy yeah there's a bunch of like shoulder ads and mohawks. Nice. Some rockabilly wrap. Green neon lights and God knows what. They're all dressed like they star in Chris

Klein's Rollerball. Blame it on outerspace.com at Blame Spacepad on Twitter. They also have a Facebook page. The first Wednesday of August. Blackout kids are going to be hanging around getting a little creepy. Speaking of August, August 1st,

the private cabin Indiegogo campaign kicks into gear for our film. We Are Strangers. If you don't know what that is and want to check it out, visit We Are strangersmovie.com for trailer and film bios and all that good stuff. August 1st, we'll post the link for the Indiegogo information

and that'll go till the end of September. So that's it. Enjoy the rest of your summer. We will see you when everybody goes back to school. Until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. Steven Zedak. Take it easy. Thank you.