We Hate Movies - S4 Ep124: Wes Craven's New Nightmare

Episode Date: October 1, 2013

In this week's episode, the gang kicks off their annual Halloween Spooktacular with a look back at the wretched meta-horror sequel, New Nightmare! Was Wes Craven dodging the spooky Tax Man with this flick? How creepy did that kid actor turn out? And is Heather Langenkamp really that close with the legendary John Saxon? Plus: "Timid Wes Craven" tries to call Johnny Depp. New Nightmare stars Heather Langenkamp, Miko Hughes, Robert Englund, John Saxon and Wes Craven; directed by Wes Craven. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a title of one good scare. Sometimes.

That is better. Tommies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicca Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks using one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies?

Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. More creative. Put the fucking lotion in the band. There's an accent. than take for an exorcism. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the first episode of our 2013 Halloween spooktacular.

We are on hand to talk about 1994's pre-Scream meta horror shit show, West Craven's new nightmare. My God. But you know what? I think his new nightmare must have been the tax man. Because there's no reason for anybody to do this. I'm just picturing some dude in a black suit knocking on West Craven. David's door for a week straight, and he's just peering out, like, through the curtains. Oh, no.

Better come up with something fast. Well, that's what I think he told Bob Shea. I think he went up to Bob Shea's door and was like, look, I had this nightmare last night. And it was Freddie Kruger, and he's from the IRS. And he was taking all of you down with me. I mean, because let's not split hairs here. You know, I'm a fan of a lot of movies that New Line Cinema put out. But in 1994, this was just as much a new line cinema vanity project as it was a West Craven vanity project.

West Craven has a substantial amount of dialogue in this movie, and I'm surprised you can get any words out because his dick is planted firmly in his own mouth the entire fucking time. It's just, it's amazing how anyone got away with this. I mean, he does have that slight drawl, so I mean, he can get something out of there. Well, you know, he gets away with it because the whole idea, and it's a good idea. It is pretty good idea. Making this sort of meta-world horror thing. I mean, two years later, he would do it pitch fucking perfectly, but this just had to be the test run for it.

And in the process, destroy a horror franchise that was already furiously shitting the bed by this point. That was already, like, this is a paint-by-numbers, if there ever was one. All you fucking have to do is give Freddie weird shit to do to teenagers. It's all you got to do. It's the simplest, fucking. fucking thing, and people will show up in droves.

Hey, you know who doesn't appear once in this movie? A teenager. Nope. Not one G.D. teenagers floating around in this fiasco. Oh, but thank God. Miko Hughes is here to fucking whine about. Now, here's my question about Miko Hughes, because I know the fellow's a grown man these

days, and I don't know how much he acts anymore, but I mean, between this, wasn't he also the kid in Pet Cemetery? Is the kid in Pet Cemetery? He's a kid in Mercury Rising. You think he's like kind of twisted? He's got to be a little weird. I mean, he was a terrifying kid. That usually translates into terrifying adult. That's the thing. If I have a kid and I got an

eerie kid, like it's just like he's five and six and it's like, oh, he's going through this eerie phase. He's going to the adoption agency. I'm sorry, you could take him. You really can take him. Anytime my wife and I watch an SVU episode where there's like a terrifying child killer, especially like the real like narcissistic fucking sociopathic kids it rethinks the whole family plan for us like we just kind of look at each other like yeah that could be trouble right and it's like straight to the fucking padded wallhouse with you kid because i cannot put up with that because miko hughes is a kind of kid that i imagine like for christmas he's like mommy can i have a peggy lee record and candles and that's it that's all that's all i want she asks why and he just goes, because I want to see if something works. And you don't really know what that is. For the uninitiated, you know, just to quickly recap the plot and then we'll just kind of talk about the movie. This is the movie where the real life actress Heather Langenkamp from the first film and her son and husbands start being haunted by this evil force that takes the form of Freddie Krueger.

That's what we should also be clear about, by the way. Keeping on the we hate movies track record of talking. about horror franchises that don't necessarily have the key villain involved. This is not Freddie Krueger, as Wes Craven explains in his dick and mouth monologue that happens here. It's a, it's a demon that he sort of drummed up and kept alive with creating Freddy Kruger, and it was kept up with all the sequels. But as he explains, as the sequel's got shakier and shakier, this demon sort of broke free from it and is now coming into the real world. to attack people, which I love the idea

that he blames the terror that's being inflicted on the world in this movie on those shitty sequels he had nothing to do. Well, I don't know if you knew this, Heather, but I was saving humanity, and then all of a sudden, New Line Cinema, just let the beast loose by making terrible movies.

I mean, he's clearly involved in the dark arts. I mean, if this stuff's going on, so do you think he's like the guy who made, like, Bernie come back to life and we can have Bernie's two? That's possible. He's got that kind of powers going on.

He was the, he was the, what do they call her, the Mobu living in the Virgin Islands? Or maybe it's like, it's Rupert Giles, Ethan Rain and Wes Craven, the trio of 70s Hellraisers, getting into all sorts of spooks. God, I'd love that. Now, there's your Ripper show, fucking finally. Fucking just do that show already, all right? Just do it. Just do it. He's 60 years old, and it's awesome.

He's just in England, and he's getting it. all sorts of adventures. It's BBC. You just need six episodes. It's all I need. I'm sorry. It would be fantastic. Well, this, I mean, the movie comes in a long, there was that long stretch. And I think, because it's almost 10 years. It's almost an entire decade of him making absolute garbage. Well, this movie came out in 94. The first nightmare was 84. Well, no, I'm saying in 86 his deadly friend. Oh, yes. And in 89, the only exception to this rule is in 89 is the serpent in the rainbow, which I think is a good movie. Is that the one with Bill Palmer? Yeah, that's a good movie.

But from 1986 to 1996 when Scream comes out, other than the serpent in the rainbow, it is just fucking garbage. And including that is a stay tuned for Shocker. Oh, yeah. Shocker also with Robert England. And fucking Mitch Pellege. Oh, yeah. Agent Skinner from The X-Files. He's great. So the movie starts off kind of promisingly.

You've got your first scare, your cold open. By the way, this movie, to blur the worlds between reality and fiction, there's no credits, fucking suck on it audience. Deal with it. Deal with my new nightmare. Who doesn't see opening credits and is like, wait, is this a movie? I just paid for this movie. I mean, I'm sitting in a chair in a dark room. with four other people.

There's a bucket of popcorn on my lab. Some teenager and a red vest just walked by with a flashlight. But there wasn't any opening credits. Am I watching a movie? This is a really strange, Regal First Look. I mean, there's plenty of movies that don't have opening credits. Who are you fooling? Really, really stupid people?

And a box of goober is always dances and tells you the future presentation's about to happen. Like, you know, you're watching the feature presentation. presentation. Do you think someone had to sit in a meeting with that? And, you know, Wes was like, now here's the real good idea I think we have now, which is no opening credits. We're just going to go right into the first scene in the horror factory. And, you know, just sort of blur the lines between fantasy and reality. And someone's like, uh, yeah, but they will remember having purchased a ticket, walking down a hallway, sitting in a place that's not their living room. I'm 90% sure it's Wikipedia, which, you know, take it or leave it.

But it says, like, there's no opening credits because Wes Craven wanted to create the illusion of, you don't know if it's a movie or not a movie or a documentary or who knows what. Well, I just saw the fucking trailer for Quiz Show. I don't know what you want from here, Wes. Yeah, of course, it's a movie. You know what I, that shit just makes no sense to me. And it just goes off. It's rotten through this movie. It's really rotten.

And the other thing, by the way, is it's a dream sequence. So we're starting our movie off with a lie. But, of course, with these nightmare movies, that's always the case. You're trying to juggle whether or not what you're watching is a dream sequence or not. But the thing is, we're on the set of a new nightmare on Elm Street movie. I'm watching this because I haven't seen it before. I haven't seen a lot of these movies, actually. I've only seen the first one.

Can I just say it for a second? I think this is the first time this has happened in a really long time. I've seen this movie like 20 times. Really? Oh, yeah. Screened for research for this movie was my personal copy because the Nightmare Nellm Street box set was the first DVD box that I ever purchased.

Like 1999, like, my DVDs coming boxes. Great. $200, huh? Better get a job. And this is all you want for Christmas. Okay. Christmas and birthday. Better than Candles and Peggy Lee Records.

series of Fox movies. I just want to see what it does. So, sorry, what were you saying? But, like, and this is the first and only time I'll say this, and I wish we had a soundboard because I'd play the record scratch sound, but I agree with Owen Gleberman. Whoa. He says, like, he's, like, one of the few critics. This is kind of critically acclaimed.

Even Roderiebert gave it three stars. He gave it a negative view, and he's like, you know, the first scene's the best scene because it's a movie all on a one. watch, which is Freddie Krueger coming alive on a movie set and, you know, people dealing with it. Yeah. Haunting a movie set. That sounds great. And the whole thing is the movie revolves around this idea of West Craven is writing this new movie.

Listen, everyone in this room has written something. You know what's not really an exciting process of anything? Writing shit. You know what's great? Having it play out or making something after the fang. Well, they also make it like he's held up like Salinger. Like, who gives this shit? Like, he's writing a horror movie.

Who gives it? and shit. It takes you fucking one week. My nightmares are coming to me slowly, Chris. Oh, man, that's what I love. Some of my favorite parts in this movie are when characters here that Wes Craven is writing a new nightmare movie.

And everyone responds in kind with, is Wes having nightmares again? Like, what, you know, again, a nightmare of the taxman, but like, what, you had to have a nightmare to write deadly friend? Get a nightmare of a fucking treacherous, cute little yellow robot. Really? nightmare for music of the heart

really that is a true horror story Meryl Streep's new nightmare but I do want to talk because this scene it's a shitty thing but like so what happens on this set

in this opening scene is the Freddie Kruger hand comes to life and just starts butchering the shit out of everybody and I kind of thought about what if like thing just killed the entire

Adams family like a better movie snap in there next. He was pushed a little too far with having to dust up that old house. Good show old. Well, that's the funny thing is that

I didn't know it was a dream sequence. It's almost positive and it kind of plays out and you know it's a dream sequence by the end of it. But it's, I was like, why did they make the claws actually sharp? Like, wouldn't they be just rubber? Like, why? Aren't they just like not really sharp? Or even dull metal? Yeah, that's

true. If it was supposed to be a prop thing. that's a weird like bit of shittiness in this movie that her husband pulls on her is that her husband's like this fx whiz probably the best in the business as far as this movie's concerned and he's been secretly designing like a new prototype glove and it it feels like everyone in this movie west craven bob shay at new line who has a cameo playing himself like everyone is conspiring to trick heather langen camp to star in this new nightmare at elm street movie And it's really sinister. But this world is nightmare crazy. This is a world in which everybody fucking loves Nightmare and Elstreet. Cannot go two seconds without talking it. Heather Langenkamp can't walk down the street. Like, hey, you're Heather Langenkamp.

That's what I love. And I know there's a lot of horror hounds out there and whatnot that would recognize her, you know, as would I. Yeah. But to the degree that this movie portrays, or speaking of fucking Meryl Street, I mean, she's making an appearance on this daytime talk show that's kind of like a Jerry Springer thing or whatever, and there are like Freddy fanatics peppering the studio audience, dressed in costume, homemade signs. Yeah, right. I mean, it's not even fucking Jerry. It's like Wednesdays with Wilson. It's like, who gives, it's this tiny little set. And she even makes a point. She's like, look, I was only in the

first one and the third one. Yeah, totally. Like, so who, like, who cares about this? All I give a shit about is England. She's not even promoting anything. It's like, like let's just bring this act let's dig this actress up i'm doing some tv she says which i'm sure it's china beach right it's probably just the 10 of us great spin off of growing pains she was one of them oh yeah hey also apparently she was in star trek into darkness playing a character who i didn't recognize yeah so she must have been an alien of some kind yeah one of those aliens they didn't really name uh also what i love is the when you the scene where she goes to bob shay's office to have a meeting you know and yeah for those who you don't know bob shay one of the

dudes that created New Line. And when New Line started out, what's that? And the author behind Bridge to Terrabithia. Yeah, you're right. He directed Bridge to Terribithia. When New Line started out, New Line was originally like an indie movie company. It was a subsidiary of Warner Bros. and whatnot. But before the days of Lord of the Rings and scream and everything like that, it was an indie house. And when Nightmare and Elm Street came out, it skyrocketed them to this whole other stratosphere of, you know, movie distribution, which is great for them. They made tons of money and everybody was happy

and that first movie's amazing. So I get the idea that you would in some way consider your company like indebted to the success of that movie, but only to a certain point. When you go into Bob Shea's office

in this movie, quote unquote, his office, it is decorated to the nines with Freddie Kruger memorabilia, including an Andy Warhol-esque triptych of Freddy's fucking face. Just get out of town with this. It's like a fucking 20-year-old loser's house.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, just some like gore hound fucking horror convention guy that never gets out of the anywhere. He's like, he's got all these dolls and some of this Bob Shea's office. Tons of unwrapped action figures. They're in the midst of adapting, I think, the mask at this point, or it's already happened. Wouldn't that shit be all over your fucking office? Yeah, the mask was out at this point. Push the new thing.

Yeah, exactly. Why not? You know some people are probably going to come to this movie. Push some other shit you got around there. Well, it's so weird because this. movie like again like there was the sixth one but everyone's a buzzer when's the next nightmare come out oh my god when is the next nightmare on elm street she gets a limo driver's like hey hey you had a langen camp oh man i love you what get the fuck are you kidding me at least that limo driver

is like grounded enough to reality that he's like you look familiar yeah you're in that movie yeah but there are other people that address her by first and last name and the big deal that everybody is bringing up to anybody who can listen. The entire world has this opinion. Why is Freddie dead? Of course he's not dead. It's Freddie Kruger. He's an entity in a dream.

He cannot be killed. Well, and this is what's interesting. So the movie that preceded this, I believe, is Freddy's dead, the final nightmare, which they kill him. But this movie's 94. And if I'm getting my facts right here, 93 is Jason Goes to Hell the Final Friday,

which was the infamous set. up at the end of that movie with Freddy's glove coming up and pulling down Jason's mask to hell or whatever. So I guess in that sense, it's like, when's Freddy coming back to do fah, but Jason's owned by Paramount so we can't quite yet talk about, you know, when's he going to fight Jason? Like, we're not doing that kind of a setup. That was a weird time. Like the internet held its breath for like 12 years. The time in the time in which before Freddie versus Jason. Yeah, we were in this world of a buzz

of it. It's like, oh my God, when's it going to happen? I read like three different fan scripts about what Freddy versus Jason could be, including one that also featured Michael Myers and Leatherface. It wasn't half bad. Now, I know, I know a lot about you, and one of the things

I know is that you didn't finish Moby Dick. I didn't even start Moby Dick. But you think about the time you've spent reading about Freddie, what might happen when Freddy versus Jason versus Herman Melville's classic. Yeah, I also once read a Friday the 13th novel that was not adapted from a movie

in where Jason took on like greedy Crystal Lake land developers or something. So, yeah, I never finished Melville's seminal classic. Maybe one day I will. But, you know, for now the Gregory Peck adaptation worked out okay. She's fine. Now I have to move on to unproduced Batman versus Superman scripts. It's a real shitty place.

There's a lot of them. I'm sure they're all. Can we talk about Robert England in this movie? Of course he does. And they set up a lot of stuff with him and they don't pay it off, which kind of pisses me off because that's the only thing I was kind of into. He's got three scenes. Three scenes. And then he literally goes out of town.

She calls Robert England and he's, of course, creating a creepy painting because you figured the guy who played Freddie Kruger seven fucking times is going to be sitting around doing that, creating creepy paintings of his monster character. that he's made famous. And then she's like, hey, so listen, I might need some advice for something later in the movie. I'll call you back in a day or two. And she calls back, and the answering machine is like, you've reached the England's. We're out of the country right now,

so leave a message. But we won't be back any time before the end credits. You've reached the England's. I'm not contractually obligated. Oh, we're out of town, actually. It just cuts off in mid-sentence with a beep. Well, it's kind of stupid because it's like that, And you kind of, I kind of kept expecting there to be this England ending where like it was him the whole time or maybe he did something because like, where is he? Oh, it's creepy that he's not around.

And it's like a Clark Kent Superman thing because Freddie isn't in the first third of the movie, but England is. And I'm like, uh-oh, Freddie, you know, if they cannot get by the same space, they must be the same person. Yeah, watch out make sure England doesn't go into any phone booths around you. Or actually, I mean, that's what, that's the fight I want at the end is England versus Kruger. actually be the one. Because while I think it would be a cool idea if it was like Robert England was just like being a creepy killer the whole time what they do set up early

enough in the movie is that yeah there's paranormal shit going on here to some degree but how cool would that be? Yeah the real life Robert England comes in to save the day and fights like the monster that has taken the form of his favorite character and then he's like got some witty line about

like nobody plays Freddy but me or some fucking horse shit. No no this is it. This is it. is it. Okay, wait for everybody. Get ready. So it's them and they're fighting in the furt because the spoiler alert, this fucking ends in a furnace. Yeah, we have to go to a boiler room. And she, like, Freddie's

got her and the kid but then England comes in and like throws him out and he like locks the door of the furnace behind him. It just takes Freddie into him. He's like, out of the frying pan into the fire and just like burns it. Yeah, they both burned together. Yeah, that's what

I want. That's the one I want. How do we feel about the whole, I mean, and I think it's going to be universally negative, but the whole idea of, like, actors portraying themselves, it's stupid, right? It's not good. I mean, it's like, it's really, thank God that she doesn't have an agent in this movie, and, you know, there's no, like, agent character that she's kind of going with. I'm trying to think of any time, John Malcovich and being John Malcovich is really good, obviously. Yeah, that's a good one. Kind of a rare exception. And she's not a good. actress i mean i i think she's fine in those movies but this movie's asking a lot of her i mean the stuff in the player with certain people playing themselves yeah that works out too i guess um i guess i'm just i'm thinking because the other day on tv uh oceans 12 was on and there's that fucking garbage scene with julia roberts and bruce willis you just want to fucking pull your hair

out of your chest speaking of bruce willis the other the last one i remember where i was like i was so pissed off it because it makes no sense is that what just happened movie when Bruce Wells plays himself that movie is dog shit it is so stupid because the whole point of it is that you're supposed to be making fun of yourself and like if you want to do that

do that and do it well and go all the way with it Bruce Wells is just kind of like I'm angry and I have a beard who gives a shit? So can we talk about the weird pre-scream phone calls that she gets? Because that's kind of the beginning she has this nightmare you know she's about to go you know on this talk show and like her and her husband are talking about

these phone calls she's been getting like oh my god have you got any more phone calls where are the phone calls coming from and she gets one and it's it's is it the same actor it sounds exactly the same no i think it's supposed to be kind of closer to the freddy voice yeah it's just it's like it's the same thing it's just getting a bunch of like crank phone calls i mean really

it's really watching this movie again and having seen it a hundred times and having seen scream a hundred times it's very clear that this is like the rough draft for scream it's you know what you can do this again just take all that magic out and let somebody else write it for you please yeah i mean honestly at the end of the i think he's a great director when he wants to be but this this is a bad script it's a script that you know it doesn't have any of that kevin williamson cleverness that scream wound up having which is what makes scream work so well well even i i don't

even think the cleverness is what you need like of course stream is a really good movie um and it's certainly better than this but what really all I wanted was like a body count. That's all I wanted. I really, that's all I wanted was a body count and you give me,

what, three people I think died in this movie? One of the first people that dies is her husband, which is kind of a great scene. It's one of the better scenes because Freddie Krueger's actually killing somebody.

Right. And it was actually, I think it was added in post because, or like, it was not edited in post, but like the producers made him do it because there wasn't a body count.

He's like, no, it's more ephemeral. It's all about earthquakes. Isn't that much more? God. Who wants to, watch a Freddy Krueger movie when they can watch Earthquakes. Me

every time. Every time you put those two options in front of me, it's Freddy Krueger every time. And yet, this is truly Freddie Krueger without Freddy Krueger, not just because, you know, this monster has taken the form of Freddy Krueger, but yeah, because he's barely

around. Look, audiences don't want blood geysers anymore. What they want are fractured load-bearing walls. well if that's what we want we get it in fucking spades in this movie there's so much property damage it's horrifying and there's never that thing they keep saying these earthquakes are happening and all this creepy shit's happening he never goes that extra mile to be like it's freddie breaking through the barrier between worlds fucking tell me that if that's gonna happen just make it freddie don't try to justify your creativity and make it like a level higher by saying it's like this demon that you're writing kept at bay by making these movies and now that we stopped making sequels, there's a mama, mu, mu, monster on the loose. And if so, if that's really what you want to do,

fucking get it in mythology. I'm sorry. But, like, just being like, yeah, I was doing this thing with the demon and now the demon's not there anymore, but now it's out. I need a flashback scene to 1983, and it's West Craven, and he's in fucking Nebraska and he comes to a crossroads

and meets the devil. And he says to the devil, listen, I really need a hit on my hands here, okay? Can you help me out? he says all right i got this beast for you okay and i'm going to give you this beast and all you have to do is write a script with this beast in mind but keep in mind you have to keep making sequels if you stop making sequels the beast will be unleashed and that's what how give me that flashback and that's the thing is that this movie uh to me is always on the lip of making fun

of sequels and making fun of the like studios need for those sequels to keep on being made. But because we are constantly philating Bob Shea it's, you're not allowed to take it to that end. You're not allowed to really be like, oh, fucking God, with these sequels. The only time that it even happens

is when Wes Craven is he's explaining the demon story to Heather Langenkamp and he says in so many words that because of the quality of the sequels, you know, the monster started breaking free. But he's explaining it in the sense of like, you know, I've always thought that storytelling was a way to keep monsters at bay, but when you tell a story over and over again, sometimes, you know, there's cracks in the story and the story becomes weaker. And I'm like, yeah, I get it. You don't approve of those fucking five sequels. I understand. Well, you know, it's not, it's not sequels in general, Chris. It's sequels without West Craven. There be monsters.

So you're saying Scream 2 through 4 We were able to keep the monster at bay successfully And thank God we're trying to work out this Scream television show To then keep the monster at bay for another six seasons in a movie Thank God West Craven is working at keeping the monster at bay Hell, just a miniseries would do it Everyone write a letter to West Craven Thank you for not allowing monsters to exist

Yeah without him monsters would be rumbing the earth like fucking Pacific Rim. So thank you for making these... Thank you for making these sequels happen. The look of Freddy in this movie is annoying to me. Yep. You know, because again, it's supposed to be this beast. It's not really Freddy Kruger and the likes being Freddy Krueger.

Right, exactly. It got used to being Freddy. Oh, God, whatever, West Craven. But so, you know, he looks a lot more menacing and the gloves, you know, it's not a glove. He's like, he's got a clawed hand and it's got like bone and sinew on it and stuff like that and he's wearing like a duster at one point the sweater is gone but here's the one thing

they could have dialed back a bit in the scene where finally like an hour and God even knows like 20 minutes into this movie where the Freddy Monster finally bursts out of the closet and attacks her he's got on like Mark Wahlberg in rock

star leather pants and he looks ridiculous it's like a fan of like some black metal band dressed up like Freddy Krueger for Halloween. It looks really, really terrible. You're not giving your character any edge whatsoever. And in the process, you're ripping the one thing out of him that everyone's grown to love,

which is all the one-liners, all the snappy jokes and the side-up comments. The fucking hat. Give me a hat. Just put a hat on that thing. I don't need to see that disgusting burned skull. And he looks super over-designed in this movie. The whole outline and the makeup all looks way over-designed. I kind of liked him looking like a shitty piece. of cheese pizza.

Like, I kind of liked that look. I was fine with it. And, like, again, yeah, you lose everything that everybody was coming back to these movies for. He's got, like, super contacts in, too. Like, his eyes are bright green. It really looks terrible. Well, it was the mid-90s.

They had to put a duster on him. So, you know, the big thing about the big plot line of this movie is that, you know, this monster, I'm not even going to call it Freddie, honestly. This monster is trying to get to Heather Langenkamp through her chop. which is just a little kid and there's a lot of like we're just going to keep like making this kid creepy by watching these movies

and it's a weird thing of like why are you now telling me that watching horror movies fucks kids up like he's watching the original nightmare and you know like doing the chanting the theme song and all of this stuff but Andrew the the TV was unplugged the whole time there's so many shots of an unplugged TV that was a shit your fucking pan

now let me tell you something about that too I've had to unplug my TV before, okay? I've done it a couple of times in my life, unplugging things, not just TVs. I've unplugged stereo systems, lamps. You know what I never do when I unplug something? Precariously, like, drape it over what it's sitting on to let everybody know that it's unplugged.

Like, the cord for this TV is hanging in front of it just so the audience can see that it's unplugged. Especially when you have an eerie six-year-old scattering around your house. That's just dangerous Well that's my theory about this Is that like I think because As we know from Deadly Friend Like West Craven wanted to do

And this is what music of the heart was He wanted to branch out He wanted to do different movies Right So what I really think this originally was Was a script for like a lifetime movie About a single mother Dealing with her Bipolar Kid

And then they just added in Freddy Kruger To kind of explain the bipolar stuff And make it a little weird Well, we do have a ton of dramatic hospital scenes where this kid might be being diagnosed as schizophrenic or, you know, childhood bipolar or all this shit. And I'm just like, aren't there's some kids over at the high school that could use some butchering? Or kids fucking. Let's cut the kids fucking.

How about that? Where? Where is the fucking in this movie? Someone pulls something out and put something somewhere. A finger. Anything. because I can't believe I'm watching this movie and there isn't any teen sex in it.

It's disgusting. First of all, I want to take a break here and put my hands together for John Saxon. I just love the career of John Saxon. I love that he aged his toupee appropriately as he got older. John Saxon made all the right moves with that toupee. He sure did.

He's hilarious and Enter the Dragon. he's so hilarious he's got no business being in that movie he's just there and he's like fat he's like an out of shape white guy and he's like yeah I know karate the camera's gonna cut before I do anything but he's just in this movie

playing himself and again and I don't want to make any presumptions about these people's lives because I don't know John Saxon I don't know Heather Langencamp I don't know Bob Inclan although I wish I did because I just called him Bob England like we're fucking neighbors

but listen this movie was made this first movie was made in 1984. Her and Saxon and England all came together for the third one again for a brief period of time. Is she, in real life, calling John Saxon four times a week for family advice? I don't think so. There's not a psychiatrist you want to talk to, maybe. Why are you calling Hollywood B actor John Saxon at all hours? All hours. There's a scene where she calls from the hospital and he's got a cute little set of jammies on like

what hour is it i'm not your father in real life do you think in the first movie john saxon is a real shit and he like got her to sign over like power of attorney to him oh god i hope so he's getting part of that check that's why she keeps on contacting him is because he has power over everything anytime she's got to make a health care decision about her child

well that's the best part is his first scene is the funeral of her husband her husband it's fallen asleep, Freddy Krueger comes out and he kills him or his hand comes out and he makes him, you know, have a big old car accident. The guy dies. Right. And like, she's kind of like, I guess she's, there's another earthquake at the funeral because there's nothing but earthquakes in this movie.

It's fucking Heather Langenkamp and a series of unfortunate events would be the name of this movie. And like she like kind of hits your head on the, on the, the casket, and like passes out and Freddy's doing stuff. And then John Sachs is like, wake up, wake up. I wanted to stand up and applaud. It was fantastic. John Saxon, by the way, he's, for Heather Langkamp's actual husband's funeral,

he's sending a card. Like, that's just a send him. He's sending a card. Saw what happened two weeks after it happened. Here's a card. Yeah. Oh, to that point, though, the people that show up at that funeral,

the dude from the first one who they suspect for murdering his girlfriend and then Freddie hangs him in the jail cell with a bed sheet that dude's there no line of dialogue there's a chick from the third movie who's just there hanging out no dialogue what this movie does that's really annoying is because they're trying this whole

this movie's whole mission is like the demons coming out the real world and blah blah blah and this is the new nightmare and blah blah blah all it does is make you wish you were watching the first movie the kids watching it on the TV all the time the actors from the first movie are all farting around together talking about the old days. And there's even one of the most famous deaths from the first movie, aside from Johnny Depp's death scene, is reenacted almost

bit for bit. The first death. The first death in the first nightmare and almost is redone. When the blonde gets killed at the sleepover and Freddie drags her up over the wall and whatnot, that happens to the babysitter in the hospital scene. So like, if you're really, really trying to make this the new nightmare and set the new standard for flivivblib flab, why are we repeating and referencing and just fucking boning that first movie to the end of the end of the credits give me a new nightmare give me the the the sleep the the fucking i don't even know what the the the party monster fuck anything just make something up i mean you i mean that's the thing is if west if you you could market a movie a new uh nightmare and elm street movie and be like west craven's back at the helm here we go everybody it's going to be fucking new it's going to be awesome but instead it's just a fuck like it's a mommy dearest bullshit like it's who i don't care about this at all you know she's kind of like a cute later in the movie she's accused of being a bad mother by this this doctor this doctor by the way this put upon i don't know if she's a child psychiatrist or whatever

whatever this woman's doing in this hospital this lady has heard enough about freddie kruger for one day and i fucking love it because the whole thing like you know heather langham starts going crazy obviously she's being haunted by what she thinks is Freddie Krueger, even though it's not. And, you know, she starts saying things like, Freddy's coming after my boy, my boy's seeing Freddy, Freddy tore my bed sheet, Freddy killed my husband.

And then, like, she's in this hospital. She has another dream sequence where the monster like takes the kid. And she's like, Freddy stole my baby. And this doctor is just like, Freddy, Freddie Kruger. And she's just she might as well just be saying, like, I have had just about enough of this shit for one day.

So have I, lady. I'm with you. Why is all of Los Angeles talking about Freddie Krueger this week. It's unacceptable. I watched that daytime show. Even though it's promoting nothing, I don't know why they were doing this. Yeah, they were celebrating

supposedly the show is celebrating the 10th anniversary of the release, but like, we didn't care about shit like that back then. We weren't able to put out like new thing. Maybe there was like a new VHS tape or something. No, I mean, I don't think it got put back in theaters. And how many times have you heard of like any TV show giving a shit about the anniversary

of any movie. I don't think the Godfather or the Godfather, too, has ever been celebrated on a TV show. I don't know. I really don't think that happens. I don't have that information in front of me. Maybe it'll be celebrated on that new James Conn baseball show. Oh, what?

Yeah, he's doing some bad baseball show where he's like, he's a surly little league coach. You just don't even want to bother. Just close your eyes for two days. It'll get canceled. That's like Why don't you just watch the bad news bears? There's a surly little league coach, done and done.

Fucking either one, other whatever that is. The best thing is they're doing all these tests on this kid. They're like, oh, my God, this kid's not sleeping. This kid's really creepy. Something's wrong with this kid. Maybe his father just died. Like, it never comes into, like, maybe he's schizophrenic. Maybe he's bipolar.

Maybe his father just died and he's fucking being like, I'm seeing monsters. Yeah, totally. I'm seeing the monster that took daddy to heaven or whatever. The whole thing with the kid is that you're, like, he's got, like, he gets up in the middle of the night. It's like a shining thing, but. Oh, it's trying to be. It's trying to be shining without Jack Torrance, essentially.

Yeah. But there's also like an omen situation going on. But, like, and of course they have to do this, where the kid wakes up in the middle of the night and he's taped a bunch of fucking knives. Look after your kid, lady. Yeah, what are you doing? Just a fucking bait. You know what?

Just for like a month or two after the dad's died. just put like a baby monitor in there just to know what's going on maybe like this and as we find out the kids are fucking epileptic yeah he's got epilepsy he sleepwalks like this kid's got a laundry list of problems

before his dad dies by the hand of a fake Freddie Kruger and I mean what you're talking about is I think she has a nightmare and of course the TV's on it's playing the fucking nightmare movie again she goes downstairs and she's like Billy Billy turn around it's the whole come on let's let's turn around

what's going on with his face. And he turns around, he's got these hilarious, like, steak knives taped to his little fingers. Oh, yeah. No, it's, it's an adorable Halloween costume. And he's doing his, the Miko Hughes. It was his trademarkers going, he's here, measure, measure. Yeah, that kid paid for his own college education, making feral animal noises.

I think he even does it in Mercury Rise. He does. That's what autism is to him. growling animal noises your son clearly has autism is that how it sounds it's just like hyena noises there is real

I mean there's no plot to this movie it's just her going back and forth from the doctor's office going back and forth from Robert England's house to West Craven's house not to Johnny Depp's house because hilariously enough West Craven was too timid

to ask him? That's the MTV trivia says it's like he was too timid to ask Johnny Depp but Johnny Depp would have done it. No, he wouldn't. Well, Johnny Depp said he would have done it. Yeah, yeah. He ran into him supposedly. The story goes. And he said, of course, it would have done it. I mean, who knows maybe he would have, maybe, I don't know. I don't remember

what Johnny Depp was really up to in 1994. Tim Burton movie still. Yeah, yeah, he's been doing, to Burton movies for 30 years. John Water, like, I think Crybaby is around them. No, that's before 94. Is it? I think 94 was Ed Wood maybe.

Yeah. And he was definitely in the burtoning. The first burtening phase I just like the idea of Wes Craven being behind Johnny Depp at like the supermarket

like Mr. Mr. Uh, no, no. Don't do it, Wes, don't do it. What is he going to do? You know, shoot you in the head. He's going to say no. Yeah.

He's not going to laugh at you. You fucking started his career. They're all going to laugh at you. It's just Wes Craven. His overbearing mother. West, don't talk to that Johnny Depp. He's going to laugh at you. I mean, but also, who says you have to ask him?

Send something to his fucking manager and be like, hey, we want you to be in this cameo. Would you think about it? And he'll look at it. You don't have to be like, hey, knock on your door. Hey, I got these cookies for you. You want to be in a nightmare movie? He cameoed in one of the sequels. I don't remember which one.

he was credited as the name that he used was Oprah noodle mantra. Of course he did. There's no reason I have to know. Finish fucking Moby Dick, asshole. God damn it, Andrew. What a disappointment.

Johnny Deft's getting all these phone calls. He's like, oh. And he hangs up. I love timid West Craven. He's practicing beforehand. Like, hi, Johnny. You remember me? He's your old pal of West Graven.

No, that sounds so stupid, stupid, stupid, fucking West Graven. All right, let's try it again, try it again. Hey, Johnny, it's what? No, no, you know, that's too eager. No, that's what he's held up writing this whole time is his fucking script for fucking making the phone call. Which this script, by the way, the other thing that this movie does is the whole,

the movie shows you a scene, and then we see a bit of the script, and it's verbatim what you just saw. My goodness, that's stupid. It's really dumb. because she finally goes to Wes Craven's house because, like, Bob Shea's like, hey, Wes is writing a new script. You should check it out.

Oh, he's writing a new script. Steve is having nightmares again. He must be having nightmares again. And she finally makes it to, and this is about an hour into the movie because the movie won't let you know what it's about. The movie's like, I don't know what's happening. Maybe it's the earthquakes. Maybe it's not. Yeah, and you're right. Not to sidetrack, but it doesn't let you know what it's about

because the only person who knows what it's about is Wes Craven, who doesn't make it. appearance in the movie for an hour and 20 minutes. It's nuts and he's fun like, well, just sit down and I'll everybody just sit down. By the way, you've been watching a movie. I don't want to jar you too much but this. Sorry about that

no opening credits. I hope you finally figured out it was a movie. I hope I didn't blur lines between reality and fantasy too much for you. Anyway, have a seat on my couch tell you a story. I've been reading the Sandman and dreams are like this. It's really really base

and there's a lot of like imagery of fairy tales, so it's like the idea of like Hansel and Gretel and he's just trying to destroy the innocent, Heather. And all I can do, all one man can do is write a screenplay, and that's what I'm doing right now. Heather, as you know, I have a word of a day calendar. And today's word was meta. And I think I know what it means.

Trying to hash that out here. You know, funny story? When I flipped it over to the new word of the day, I thought it said meddle. I was surprised to find out It was missing an L Heather Have you heard from Johnny lately

I'm just wondering how he's doing I just don't want to But don't tell him I asked Don't tell him I asked about him Did you tell him? You said something didn't you? Oh you said so oh the whole project sucked now I should stop right in the private investigator

It's been very skimpy on the information You want me to do what And follow who because why? Okay, scary man. I'm just looking for a natural situation to bump into him to maybe kind of sort of ask him to do a cameo in my new nightmare. Don't you make scary movies for a living?

I do. But look, Rolfo, all you have to do is put up a situation where I save him from a car wreck. Do you know what a private investigator does? Well, I figure you just, You're up for hire, right? So you'll just do anything, right? So he's, you know, this monster sort of starts breaking into the world in one way or another. You know, we mentioned the babysitter being killed in the hospital is one way.

A ridiculous scene is where the sun is running across the freeway. Oh, man. Because, you know, so they're like, listen, Heather. you have to go home and get some sleep because you keep yelling about that Freddie Kruger and as we all know he's a character in the movies. And the doctor slyly asked, do you like recreational

drugs, Heather? Yeah. So she's like listen kid, I got to go home because they're kicking me out of the hospital but you know where home is right? And he's like yeah, right across the freeway. If you're ever explaining to your child how to get home and your child

doesn't have a driver's license it's probably best to not say things like all you have to do is cross the freeway cut to this kid walking in traffic and then out of nowhere I'm pretty sure he did that in Mercury Rising too yeah there's a lot of him walking in traffic he's walking across the Autobahn

these cars are going 90 miles an hour and are not stopping for a child and in what I would like to think is a direct reference to the ghost of Mufasa Freddie Kruger appears out of the clouds and starts lifting this kid up and dangling

him over cars and whatnot. Although I think the Lion King might have been 95. That sounds right. Oh man, did this movie get ripped off by the Lion King? I hope. I'm sure, yeah, I guess. But he just appears out of the clouds laughing and I'm like, oh, okay, it's kind of a Freddy Kruger

gag. That's cool. But nothing really happens from it except we find out, and this is an interesting turn of events. It turns out that in this movie's reality, Heather Langenkamp is a super Because she gets hit by a car so fucking fiercely. It's 70 miles an hour. And she just gets up like a robot and like dust herself off and keeps running at a full clip.

This windshield is demolished. Or that stunt double goes right through this windshield. And she's like, huh, stupid Freddie. And just like keeps running. Do you think it's like ghost and like she's like running after the kid and then like, but like she looks back and her dead body is just on the fucking. I wish There is the twist ending You want

There's the twist ending you need So the third act This movie is John Saxon Just comes to her house Because again He gets a phone call In the middle of the night Heather I'll be right there

Anything for you Heather You're John Saxon You're at Mitchell I own you He wasn't Mitchell And then this is where Stuff goes really into the fucking stupid tunnel

because the whole thing what we've been hearing this entire movie is the fantasy is coming into the real world and what happens instead is what we perceive to be the real world goes into the fantasy world because for no reason

all of a sudden John Saxon is the father character from the movie and he's calling Heather Nancy and he's like who is Robert England Freddie Krueger's dead What are you talking about? And I'm like, wait, what the fuck?

And then she turns around And her, like, L.A. suburb house is the house from the nightmare movies. Why? And this goes nowhere, by the way. This is one scene, then she goes into the dream world.

It's nothing. It's nobody. And that actually is the more interesting idea. Yeah. It is the more interesting idea. It's like this brand of huge psychosis. Like, if fucking, like, West Craven comes over and starts giving directions

about how to cook her eggs or some shit like that. And, like, there's stuff there to be played with. And if you want to make a meta-movie, you kind of have to go really crazy. You can't just be like, well, can't we just do the same thing we've done? But, I mean, that's the cooler way to do it is how they have that one scene, is the actress Heather Langenkamp falls into this psychosis of thinking she's back in these movies. Because she sees John Saxon, and the first time she addresses him, she says John. And then he flips at some point, and he's like, who's John? your father and she looks and she sees his like sheriff badge and his gun and she's like oh no he's

the character from the movie all of a sudden wearing a nightgown like everything switches really quickly and it's kind of cool and it just literally john saxon gets into his car and that element drives away with him you never see john saxon again in the rest of the movie fucking tragedy first of all but it stops so ferociously she goes into the house and i'm like okay cool. Maybe they redid like the set from the first house. That's pretty sweet. She just goes back into the L.A. house

and the whole thing's completely dropped. Well, I think I've put a puzzle piece in here because I bet you what happened is he had written a whole scene where like she's living with Johnny Depp now. And like they didn't wake up the current yet.

Like he's just there and like they're a married couple or something or like it's back in the day and they're like still dating and he's like asking you like do you want to call or can we make out or some shit like that and because he couldn't get the guts up to ask Johnny had to go so there goes John Saxon guys I have some

bad news I had to cut well about 30 pages out of the script I just cannot bring myself to ask that beautiful man to be in this movie locked in his bedroom Wes come out sweetie Wes it's going to be okay we'll just rewrite it

it's a great movie you don't need Johnny Depp Who needs that Johnny Depp anyway? He's just, he's in his dead, and he's just getting smash-ass wasted. He's just fucking, like, trying to get the courage up. He just gets too drunk and passes out. He passes out holding a picture of Johnny Depp and him from 1983 on the set. His wife just hears, why, Johnny, from the fucking dead. He has to run and help him.

That's why John Saxon's in this movie. It's because he got so drunk. He accidentally called John Saxon. and John Saxon felt so bad for the Well, of course I'll be in your movie. That's the fantastic instance I want to see is where they're waiting on set And he's like, all right, everybody, today's the big day.

You know who's going to show up And then a car pulls up to the set And he's like, oh, man, I've been waiting for this day. And then John Saxon gets out And he's like, the hell are you doing here? We had that whole conversation. I'm going to be in your new Freddy movie or whatever. You call me?

Yeah, you were pretty. tips you do you not remember this conversation west i gave up an arc on picket fences for this bullshit you better write me into this i'm supposed to play a wacky school teacher who moves into the town well west where is my wig entourage gonna go a whole caravan of people you are so right in calling that out though because there are some older guys who do not manage that fucking wig department and he is a guy who was fooling people for a long time because it just got a little more salt and a little more pepper just like like year by year he'd pop up in a movie and you're like yeah he's aging pretty gracefully those sideburns

match the top of his head everything's working out this seamless weave man it's a beautiful weave you see like a wrinkly old dude with like just horse brown hair hair. Who is fool and who with that? And how do you not realize that that's a problem? Whig wearers of the world, I'm asking you, because everybody can tell. Well, John Saxon's got the money to pay for it. I'll tell you that much. Wigs and nothing else. He's got a real sweet airstream RV, probably, that he takes on vacation to Myrtle Beach every year. So another thing this movie loves to do, because here's the thing. You want to make your art movie because this movie really wants to pretend it's an art movie you can't do the flashbacks from five minutes ago

thing that this movie loves yeah because you need to have respect for your audience but every so often like there's a trail of sleeping pills that's leading somewhere and like the story that she read with the kid was hansel and gretel and like you know how did they get back and they make a big show about how they got back by follow the fucking breadcrumbs she picks it up it's like breadcrumbs which is enough and then Miko Hughes is like I read the story again and it's like it just goes on and on and I'm like I fucking figured

that out minutes ago so she takes all these sleeping pills I think it's practically a suicide attempt it's a ledger-esque amount of sleeping pills if you will oh stop looking at me like that sate egg it's fine

whatever man I loved him but that was a mistake a crucial mistake but yeah she's she's popping these things like tic-tacks and you're like how much do you need to fight this monster do you ever want to wake up from this dream world or what you go to bed pretty easily on your own most nights do you really need seven of them you've been sleep deprived you could probably just just one and a little bit a little bit of wine you're out man well they already make a point in one of the the earthquakes that is like her

house specific earthquakes that like the coffee machine falls up like that's another thing they're taken from the first movie. She's got a coffee mate, like, by the bed and whatnot. And the earthquake happens. And she looks up at her nightstand, and the lamp and, like, the alarm clock and everything are perfectly where they were. But the coffee pot has fallen. But, like, so she's off coffee.

That's all they do in the other movies. They stop drinking coffee. And magically, the caffeine stops, like, right away in these movies. I always loved that. But, yeah, you don't need to take a pound by pound concession candy amount of fucking sleeping pills here. She's a fucking member of the train spotting crew at this point.

You want to see fucking monsters. Keep taking those sleeping pills, Blady. She's like chugging a thing, a robotussing too. A true for good measure. Robo tripping. So she goes to fight him in the land of make believe. And she finds

her, ha, da, da, da, da, da, Michael Hughes. Which I love is when she first sees the kid she screams, like, on instinct. Yeah. Which I feel like, if I saw that kid as a little kid, I'd probably scream to. Absolutely. It's like, hey, Miko. Oh, my God. Hello.

So they're in this dream world. And by the way, the whole thing that's really a pain in the ass in this movie is the entrance and exit, like the doorway here to get in betwixt the world is the end of your bed because it's all back to

just, you know, monsters under the bed. So we've got to literally climb under the bed sheets to get into this dream world and she falls through you know it's like a fucking water slide of shit am i the only one who thought about and the answer is obviously going to be no but um when in bill and ten's bogus journey when the old grandmother comes for alexander's i was thinking about that portal when that happens that's the scariest things in movie history to me i'll be honest with that that one always freaked me out that whole sequence of them going to hell in that in that bill and ted's

bogus journey always freaked me the fuck out. Well, I mean, pre-station, that movie's okay. Yeah, yeah. Pre-station and post-station? Yeah, that movie is a real pre-and-post station quality control area. Station!

Fuck wants a bunch of naked trolls that saved the world. Just fucking stop. Fucking, like, gremlin fuck in the middle of the movie. Like, I don't need it. She falls out of this like hell-mouth thing, by the way, and it looks like a Mayan temple.

Like, she's falling into, like, this, like, massive hellscape thing that it's, like, you know, it's like a hellscape version of a boiler room. So everything's, like, hellified by 300%. And there's, like, big Freddy face that we see for a second. It's just, that's what she falls out of the mouth of, isn't it? It's like a big Freddy head. Fucking seven deadly sins are everywhere. It's a mishmash of everything. And if you, like you said, Chris, let's do a mythology then.

There was once a demon named Crabble Crap. And what he did was he fucking, he was actually the Hensel and Gretel demon. And that's how they stopped him and that's how it goes. That's a story that I could get behind. Yeah. The Seven Deadly Sins are there. Those are Mayan Temple. When she falls.

There's Kabbalah references probably. Madonna's there telling you about them. My favorite thing that happens in that shot where she falls out of the shit waterfall and you see like it's this big computer effect like Matt shot or whatever of this land and you see how big this underworld is. She's falling down the water. And in, like, the bottom right-hand side of the frame, there's an honest to goodness teradactal. So you have all these things, and then dinosaurs are there. Well, because we didn't talk about, and it's one of the most who gives a shit parts of this, but it comes up all the time.

Yep. Is the Rex? Oh, he's got a stuffed animal that he calls his guardian that keeps the bad man away. The way we know how Freddy's close Freddy's getting is how fucking mauled this stuffed animal gets. Yeah, it starts with like a couple scratches and then like she sews it back up

with like red linen which is weird. That would be so great is at the end of this movie he's like, now die bitch! And then all of a sudden his hand gets bitten by a gigantic T-Rex and he's like, what? That would explain all of like the Miko Hughes creepy noises

was he just starts going like and it gets like low and he's and just turns into a dinosaur. Oh, yeah, that's how you had this movie. Most of the time, he's just acting like Mowgli, and I don't fucking need it, honestly. And, like, actually, I mean,

if fucking Freddie Kruger gets Richard Schiffed in this movie, I'm all about it. Richard Schift. Turn him half. Yeah, I understand. Okay. It's a good Jurassic Park, the Lost World reference. Okay, well, okay.

Or he goes to work at the White House, I guess. It's a best case scenario for most people. Mr. Kruger, this is your first day at the White House, and shockingly, you passed all of the security inspections. I think we need to reevaluate how we let people into this building. Your background check is like squeaky clean. So she runs past Vishnu, Santa Claus, and the tricks rabbit. And then she finally finds Freddie Kruger in this world.

And, you know, it's a boiler fight. Who cares? It's your standard boiler fight. That's what I love, too, is, you know, we're making such a big deal that this is a demon that's centuries old and it's been bound by story. And this, that, and the other thing. And she can still just kick him in the balls like anything. Like, what the fuck? It makes no fucking, like, have some rules to your fucking world.

Just some. I'm not asking for all of them. Yeah. I'm just asking for something that I can follow. If Freddie Kruger can really be put down by, like, a knife to the kidneys, like, yeah. And the thing is, it's a dream world where he has total dominion. And, like, Rico Hughes goes into the spoiler and he's, like, hiding in the corner, and Freddie Krueger can't get through the door. So he's, like, reaching out with this claw hand.

And, like, it takes two minutes from him to occur to stretch his hand out further. Why not just become a giant and eat the fucking kid? You control this world. Why not just make that boiler not exist anymore? And he's just out in the open. Spoiler. Don't even bother having a boiler, Freddie. Don't even do it. You know that that's your Achilles heel. Boiler rooms. It's like a fucking, it's like Superman making his entertainment internet and kryptonite. Doesn't make it a whole lot of sense. Clark, you know what? It looks nice, but it's not that functional. You know, Clark, I understand that you wanted this because the the green sort of matches the drapes that you have here,

but this is clearly life-threatening. I want you to call that carpenter back. I want you to... This is ridiculous. Get it out of here. If there was ever a case for particle board, this is it. Get it out. Well, Lois, I love to live on the edge.

So they're fighting in this boiler, and Miko Hughes, like, stabs them in the knee, which, let me tell you, there's a lot of instances in this movie where, like, whenever I see kids in horror movies, I try to figure out, like, okay, you know the way they set up these shots and everything is the is the kid actor actually seeing the shit you know and whatnot the scene where the babysitter is like hanging from the ceiling and bleeding like yep the kid's definitely looking at her and in this the kid is definitely plunging a knife into this man's leg and it's like monster's leg yeah it's like this dude might be kind of weird now like i don't know him but he might be weird based on video home video evidence evidence. This kid might be weird. He also cut the Ely's

tendons of Fred Gwyn. That one will haunt me forever. Oh, man, does he just get it in that movie? Poor Fred Gwyn. There's a road's very busy. Up there by the pet cemetery. Show up a little boy

doesn't cut my tendons out. Drop me like a bag of rocks. Just saved a baby from being roadkill. Any thanks for that? no all right well this movie also has a very weird thing about like violence and like violent content for children it's like it's this thing that's underneath like because uh the doctor uh who's doing like who you said is like uh freddie right okay fine she's had enough of that talk

but like she keeps on like really like prodding her about like is he watching your movies yeah this is what I was touching on earlier, this idea of like horror movies fuck up kids and whatnot. But like, and it goes like further that with the Hansel Gretel thing also where she's just like, maybe I shouldn't be telling this a kid. Like, dude, West Craven, where are you?

Like, what the fuck are you think? Dude, I understand that you might not have wanted to make all of these horror movies and that it was kind of just your job for a while. Yeah. That's fine and everything. But you made them. You do that. And if you're going to really

make some movie about how that is maybe not making you feel great you don't do it with this half-ass thing where you're also blowing yourself the whole time totally and also if you're really bothered by it you don't go on to continue making those movies you don't go on to two years later

make one of the best movies of your career like you can't really feel that bad about it so then you have to think okay if he doesn't have a problem with it he's got to be sort of like lampooning those people but at no point does that ever happen like that doctor doesn't get any comeuppance for thinking movies ruin kids.

No, she's a very straight, like, she's like the most stone face of the mall. She's kind of just like, yeah, don't do that. There's a couple of bumbling nurses in that scene, but they're not accusing the mother of showing the movie to the kids. Can we talk about the nurses in that scene for a minute? Yeah, there's some bullies. It is a little preposterous. They trick somebody into getting an injection.

Yeah, I don't know what is going on with that. So they're saying, all right, listen, we got to get this kid some sleep. because he's sleep deprived and he might be bipolar, he might be schizo. He needs to just rest. So this nurse is like filling up a syringe and the babysitter's like,

hey, what's that for? And she's like, oh, just something to help him sleep. And the babysitter's like, all right, well, hey man, you know, the mother said, you know, don't let him go to sleep until she comes back. So could you just wait a second? And then from behind the babysitter,

there's this other nurse like, got you, and like gives the kid an injection. And the nurse is like, oops. It's great. And it's also because, like, Heather Langenkamp looks so crazy in this hospital. He can't go to sleep.

It's like Jones Town. He can't. It's like, I don't know what, I don't know what fucking, is this kid homeschooled? Like, what is going on? Sleep is just fine. Well, whenever you awake from whatever the seventh dream you're in now, that is lawsuit city. Like, fucking, like, I don't want you to do that to my kid.

Yep. Fucking don't, like, and the babysitter. By the way, they have this planned out way. before the babysitter. They've never met the babysitter. Right. And babysitter comes in and is like, don't do that. And they're like, oh, wait, plan B. Go, let's do it. Quick, do the thing.

The old nurse's switcheroo. Yeah, but that nurse pays with her life. Oh, no, she does. She just punches in the face. One nurse gets punched in the face and then, oh, no, it's the same nurse that later gets elbowed in the stomach quite comically, which is pretty great. A real good oof, which I always enjoy. Heather Langenkamp calls the doctor an idiot at one point Which is probably the funniest line in the movie

Because she's like Well there's no way this kid could have walked out of the hospital He's been sedated and she's like He sleepwalks you idiot I was like hey you got a point there My favorite part of this movie of Heather Langan Camp's limitations Is when Freddie attacks her in the bedroom

He cuts her arm really bad And then she just goes Ow Like she looks at it And gets a good ow in it's a real peter griffin because the whole movie stops speaking of the whole movie stops

so we're in the boiler ober fight and i don't know i mean she she basically tricks him it's a very hansle and gretel it's totally a hansling grotto yeah she she you know she pushes him in the oven and puts the fucking flame he does the one fucking weird freddie i'm gonna move my jaw down thing that was pretty cool he tries to eat this kid's head

again miko hughes like cute kid actor that kid's definitely just in a monster's mouth. In this scene this monster that looks really scary you're going to put your face inside of his mouth but it's all makeup and make believe. Don't worry. They have to

they must have to do this thing that I remember actually when I rented Insidious they had a special feature where they were showing how the fucking Darth Mall demon who's fucking playing piano and clipping his nails at the end of that movie. Bad fucking turn

for that movie. But to make the kids not scared or the son character like not scared of the actor they had him like sit down and dudes dressed up as Darth Mall demon and he's like hey man how's it going I'm fucking Steve you know

I'm the demon I also wrote the music for this movie you know so they like had him hang out I would imagine they kind of have to do that with Robert Anglin in the get up like hey it's me Bob England although playing himself in this movie is almost equally creepy to Freddy's creepiness

because he's got like dark like circular Paul Schaefer sunglasses on the whole time. And super blonde hair for no good reason. They kind of have him do the whole like, let's do lunch, Hollywood Babe thing for a little bit, which is kind of funny, because again, he just

does shitty horror movies. So yeah, so they throw him in the oven and then you see the demon for like a hot second because the Freddie shit sort of burns off and it just kind of looks like the DeVille more or less. Yeah, it looks like Tim, Tim Curry's devil from legend.

Yes! Oh man, that was another image that scared the ever-loving shit out of me for years. It also kind of reminded me of, remember in Blade, when the guys would get the fucking blood, the super blood into the chest? Oh, yeah. And they mutated out and they turned into the job of the hut for a bit and then exploded. Yeah. Yeah, it kind of looks like that because like his head's like expanding and his eyes are popping out. Yeah, his eyes kind of pop out like those little toys that you would squeeze and they were filled with water and the little eyeballs bugged out. Also, what demon worth of salt is allergic to fire?

Like, what? Yeah, smack him in the face with the Bible or something. If anything, wouldn't that strip away Freddie and make the actual demon come out? And there's another fucking scene that's fantastic, right? Like, you've done it now. I am released. All it took was a little flame. And he just comes up and it's like, wow, we're fucked.

And then it's like, I don't know, John Saxon shakes him awake. hi I came over for my Tuesday morning wake up like I do every week we are best friends in real life everybody considering the rules of this movie they could probably just fucking throw water in his face he'd be dead but that's what you realize toward the end

shock of all shock they kind of just don't even know what to do because he burns up there's like a big fake explosion and then they shoot out the fucking bed sheet and they're like whew that was close really the bed exploded and you're back out of that world

And all of a sudden, I guess West Craven came to her house when she wasn't there and left the script. Just left the finished script with like a thanks for playing Nancy one last time. And then you're like, wait a second. She didn't play. Did they make the, what? And then you realize not having the opening credits worked because the lines of reality and movie are blurred. And we might have been watching an hour and 40 minute making of documentary. because Wes Craven told me

that she played Nancy one last time and by the way Freddie is finally quote back where he belongs yeah on the fucking blockbuster shelf yeah it wasn't just you know frivolous incompetence it was you know

it was an idea behind it off fuck you get out of my face you're welcome everyone I just saved your lives by making this movie and keeping the demon at bay what I love and this is truly the most ridiculous part of this movie is she's looking at this script

and of course the last page of the script is them saying what they're saying on the screen so the kid's like is it a story and she's like yeah it's a story and he's like read it to me and then she starts reading this kid the script for New Nightmare and you're like

so are you going to skip over the part where like his dad was murdered by a demon because he doesn't really know how that happened you're going to skip over all those parts where you would by reading it would force him to rehash all this traumatic shit that he just went through over the last

week? Are you really going to sit there after everything that's happened to you and read this shitty script to your kid? Maybe you should have your parents. Just read him the fucking the scene where fucking Robert England is like being Renoir in his studio with the fucking John Lennon

glasses. You know what? Call at that point I get this script. I look at it and I see this part where my husband's murdered. I call West Craven. Like, what the fuck west like that's no that's what's messed up though in that scene where he's like so listen i've kind of been letting the script write itself and blah blah blah she sort of asks him like hey man did you know all that shit about my husband and he was like sorry it's for the art like he he really just kind of shrugs his shoulders like it's out of my hands

Freddy's my muse, what can I say? And she's just kind of like, oh, come on, man. You kill, oh, man. It's such an inappropriate reaction to find out that somehow this dude's writing murdered your husband. Like, this writer, okay, this dude understands that, like, what he's writing is having an actual, like, you know, influence on the course of events. This man decided to write a scene in where your husband was taken from you in a vicious car accident. I mean, I'm looking forward to be single again, but God, Wes. You didn't want to give me a little heads up here?

Heather, I finally figured out a way to get you back on the market. It's having nightmares again. I'm going to the gym again. I can't work up the courage to write a scene with Johnny Depp in it. I have nightmares about meeting Johnny Depp all the time, but they're not appropriate. And that's new nightmare. I mean, it ends. The end credits have new nightmare come up.

Oh, and to blur the reality... Oh, yeah, please, let's get a little blurrier. And Freddie Krueger as himself. Shut the flying fuck up, West Graven. All right, just shut up about it already. No one in their right mind is being fooled by any of it. And when someone sees that in the theater and looks at it and sees Freddie Krueger as himself, they go, that's cute.

Yeah, I got to take a piss. It's such a ridiculous touch that you think is going to evoke one thing out of people. You have this whole ridiculous artistic integrity behind it. And it's really, that's cute. Where'd I park that car? It's really dime store, Halloween store scares. And just like, I don't know, maybe it's real. Of course it's not fucking real.

It's a movie that I just saw. Of course it's not real. I paid a ticket to go to a wax museum. I know that this statue of Dracula is not real. Also, let's just, let's just go into this movie's reality for a bit. Let's take a fucking long drive into this movie's reality. So Robert England played himself, and somehow this demon, what, he came on set, was he eating food? Did he have a fucking trailer?

What does the audition tape for this demon look like? How many demons were interviewed by the casting agency? Definitely only eats green M&M. And so, okay, to dive even. further into this reality. You were too much of a coward to call Johnny Depp on the phone, but you

somehow were able to conjure a demon into a casting call. Is that what you're saying with and Freddie Kruger as himself? What a stupid thing to do. Look, honey, I'm not going to... I'm giving up on Johnny, but I got in touch

with the Dark Lord. And the Dark Lord told me that he can give me a demon at like good fucking fair price you know scale pay the whole nine yards and you know what I think I'm just gonna go that way with it

listen I couldn't muster the courage to open my address book but I was able to conjure something from the book of the dead his name's Freddie Kruger what are you telling me I'm gonna branch out on a limb here and say that no one's gonna recommend this movie

no I mean it's not even that I mean I know we really spent a lot of time shitting on West Craven but it's not even directed that well, to be quite honest. Like, the original nightmare has a real cool tone to it. You know what I mean? Like the colors are really interesting. There's a real cool Sib score.

This is bland as anything. It's just, it's milk toast. Everything about it. It really is. And speaking of the score, I mean, there is one part in particular. I can't remember what scene it was. But I think it's where maybe she's like racing the kid to the hospital or something like that. And she's in the car.

And it's this like sweeping over dramatic shit. And you're just like, where is that? is coming from. That's all over this movie. There are a number of scenes where it's like big a horror movie score of like and a guy's like fucking changing a battery. And you want to talk

about audacity and scores. One of the things creepy little Miko Hughes does is stab Freddy in the foot and they put the fucking psychos. Friesing violins. Yeah. Well, you know, because we're just reference crazy. Yeah. The IMDB has a little thing under it that says, you know, under every piece of trivia says, Find it interesting? Share it. Or the other one should be go fuck yourself. The fact that you have to tell me that, yeah, do you know what Miko Hughes stabs? That's the Shining, that's the psycho soundtrack.

Did you notice it? Where's the no shit button on IMDV for all that? Now, something someone mentioned online that I thought was kind of an interesting thing to do, someone on Twitter was like, hey, when you collectively say no to recommending a movie, go around and recommend something to us alternatively. So if we can't tell you to go out and see Wes Craven's New Nightmare, which don't, let's go around and recommend something for folks to check out otherwise

like just a horror yeah try to stay with horror yeah um uh i would say uh the original a remake of it is coming out right now but i actually prefer the original is a movie called we are what we are yeah um it's uh the original i think is

Mexican uh and it's about a family of cannibals and it's very like uh very quiet very moody and they don't like they don't there's not lot of death, but the ones that are done are really unsettling and really creepy. The remake is fine. It's I like the remake, actually. It's by Jim

Mickle, and the guy knows how to direct a movie, so I'm not like losing it. Stakeland. He also did. It was very good. And so, yeah, it's a really moody. It's a movie that I still remember very well and really creeped me out. Yeah, I would do The Inkeepers, which is another Thai West. Totally. I really like Ty West stuff.

It's been really cool. He's got a very he's a guy that does like this is a real world and things are going to come into it really well and that's what that innkeepers is and you know that's one of the things you need to do when you're trying to make a movie capture

what it would be like to really be in a horror movie give me not a real reality but a quirky reality or a reality that makes me feel at ease that this is a plain Jane reality so once the monsters show up it makes some sense and it actually is a bit scary He does a very good job at making

atmospheric horror. I've recommended House of the Devil on the show before. And I think the In Keepers, while not as good as that movie, is also really great. His part in the first VHS was the only part of his stomach of that movie. And on that note, speaking of found footage, this isn't my recommend because I haven't seen it yet. But the sacrament, which just got picked up by Magnolia,

it's a cult movie, not like cult classic movie. It's a movie about people infiltrating a cult, like a documentary crew kind of a thing. It's a little bit sound of my voice, but, you know, it's gotten really good reviews, so I'm looking forward to that. Myrek is the most recent Rob Zombie movie, Lords of Salem, played the Festival Circuit last year, kind of got a really super small release this year. It's probably out on video by now. Oh, yeah. I think it's on Netflix.

It might be on Netflix. It might be on watch now. I'm almost positive. It is. It is fantastic. I think it is hands down his best movie. It's Sherry Moon Zombie plays a radio DJ. I get Small Town Radio DJ.

I'm a soccer for it. uh it's her ken fouree uh from dawn of the dead and another dude and they they're radio djs they play a record um that you know it's people saying this witch chant or something and it releases these which is a coven of witches in salem onto the town and they start fucking with her it's a really like cerebral horror movie it's kind of rosemary's babyish which is awesome she's really good in it sherry moon zombie like it's a really really really solid movie and it like you know i was kind of burned out by those Halloween movies, even though I did like the second one. And the end of that second Halloween is kind of like a teaser for what this entire movie

is, which is kind of just crazy. Well, talk about a guy who knows how to catch you off guard. Like a guy who knows how to put an image that freaks you out. Like, there's an image in Lords of Salem where, like, there's, she's looking at a big red cross and it's just this long shot of her doing it. And all of a sudden it goes back and there's just this huge fucking monster standing behind her And you're just like, what the fuck is that? Yeah.

And you're just like, and what's fantastic is all that monster is doing is standing there. And then it cuts. It's like, I really, really cannot recommend that movie enough.

So I think, you know, honestly throughout this month, we'll probably just be recommending horror movies, obviously. This is the first of, you know,

several weeks of talking about. Five weeks. A good old fat October to do spectacular love when that comes around. That's West Craven's new nightmare. Oof, what a stinker. You want to get a hold of us.

For find out more information about the show, check out the website, WHMpodcast.com. We are on Facebook, and you can follow us on Twitter at WHM podcast, right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. How would you rank some of West Craven's best and worst films? Blame it on Outerspace returns next month the first Wednesday. Eric will be back chatting about conspiracy theories, then. Blame it on Outerspace.com at Blame SpacePod on Twitter. Until next week, I'm Andrew Juppin.

Steven Say it, Chris Gavin. Take it easy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.