We Hate Movies - S4 Ep127: Episode 127 - Chopping Mall

Episode Date: October 21, 2013

In this week's episode, the gang heads back to one of the greatest places in human civilization, the mall in the 1980s, with the killer robot flick, Chopping Mall! Why would a mall spend this much money on a security system? Are folks really okay with that kind of furniture store party? And are there various tiers of janitors? Plus: Never put out your robotic college roommate. Chopping Mall stars Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd and Barbara Crampton; directed by Jim Wynorski. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin, Eric Siska, Steven Seda, and we hate movies. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes, death is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicca Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks using one too many movies.

Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. We're a fucking looser in the band. What an excellent day for you. an exorcism. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. If you are new to our little

program, thank you for checking us out. And welcome to the fourth week of our 2013 Halloween spookacular. If you're new to the program, that means you're checking us out specifically because we're doing chopping mall. And for that, I salute you. Absolutely. Chopping Mall, 1986.

Directed by a fellow named Jim Wynoski. What is his gnome de porn? Oh, it's a Billion. He's got, he's like, he's like, Jason Bourne. Oh, really? It's like, I thought it was like J.M. Blueberry or something. Well, he's done, he's directed many a softcore pornography. And his, his directing name under that is H.R. Blueberry. But I think he's gone, he's done the real stuff too. He's got, he's got a bunch of bear wench project films.

That's softcore. Oh, I guess it all. Yeah. Busty Cops and the Jewel of Denial, which is a good one. Oh, my God. Cleavage Field. And my favorite. house on Hooter Hill I think H.R. Blueberry needs to meet Arnold W. Raspberry. You make nothing but Phil. And I love it.

Oh no, you're not looking for me. You're looking for H.R. Blueberry. He went that way. It's a chopping mall from 1986. It combines two of my favorite things, three of my favorite things, into one movie, right?

Horror, the mall, and the 1980s, all in one movie, and it just, it is, and I know it sounds really stupid, but it is a time and a place. Eric and I were talking about this before we went on the air. The mall doesn't matter anymore. There was a time when the mall mattered, and this mall mattered in 1986. It totally did. Well, this is a movie, some movies will hide. the fact that they're from the 1980s. It'll be a little bashful.

This movie wears the 1980s on its sleeve, man. Oh, on its sleeve. It's got it tattooed on its face. Like, this is, this is, yeah, it is 1986 and suck on it. But we were saying that, but part of me now thinks like, is it because we're getting older? So, hey, if you love the mall out there, right as saying it, we all hate movies at gmail.com, I just want to know. I just want to know if the mall matters in your community. Well, I mean, it can't matter as much just what with the internet now. You know what I mean?

Like, that's how you got everything. Anything cool. Exactly. If you wanted your, you know, your Pantera T-shirt, you had to go to the mall. And you got your Pantara tape at the store, you know, down the hall from the store that sold the Pantara T-shirts. And now everyone just gets everything from websites named after Rivers. Alternate ending to that joke. Now they can go to the mall and buy records from the guy from Pantara himself.

that's true that might be true I don't listen to Pantera I'm sure they're a bunch of nice guys so chopping mall is about Johnny 5 clones also

I've also been calling them Robocups developmentally disabled little brothers Huey Doey and Louie the killer robots it's a killer robot movie his little nephews

because there's always whenever you're introducing something to a mythology that does not warrant children, they have to be nephews. Because otherwise, it would have to mean, like, if it was the sons of, that this beloved character got down to fucking. And there's no way Robocop's fucking anything and making another Robocop. But you could make nephew of Robocop.

You just take some dead kid and throw some metal on them. And it's like, hey, it's your nephew. But also, like... I got settled with my sister's kids. bummer I'm doing the responsible thing also Scrooge McDuck right he couldn't have made that money if he was busy with all that responsibility

oh yeah he had to be a cold line bachelor to death yeah do you think he's fucking them out of that will like you know what I mean it's it's the last act of the Scrooge McDuck tale I could see him like saying to bury me put me in the vault and pour

concrete over the whole thing it's a mausoleum right and he'll do some bullshit thing about oh you know you need to be self-made men and shit it's like dude I fucking I bait I wipe your duck ass these last 10 years McDuck that is

the Disney like later in life movie I want to see like if Disney's like we got to teach kids why it's important to like you know assist the elder and whatnot. It's like Scrooge McDuck's final days. And they're just like worn down to the bone with like bathing him and feeding him and like getting his dogs cleaned and whatnot. And it's like

just every day just helping out and fucking Uncle Donald is nowhere to be found. Because he's still busting balls in the Navy because these wars won't end. Right. Dog wars. These dog v. Duck wars. Right. And then so he dies. And yeah. Like, Eric said, in the will, like, there's a dog that's reading the will because Scrooge McDuck, you know, he was for, like, duck and dog integration. Yeah. You know, his dog lawyer is like, well, it says here that he's to be laid face down upon all the coins. And then cements poured over the whole thing, leaving you with nothing. I like the idea of Scrooge McDuck in this world wearing, like, big fat junior soprano glasses because he's older now.

oh man he's kind of a meaner piece of shit too yeah exactly the racism is just everywhere instead of like kind of lighthearted digs like they're kind of really jabbing you now what was the name of the pilot a launch pad launch pad and gyro long dead in the the wars or whatever it happened yeah that's true they're dead duckberg you know duckberg is like it's like Detroit now yeah But, like, Scrooge just, like, pumped all the money out of that Duckburg until it became Detroit, you know? Yep. And then everyone was dependent on him.

And then he was like, no. That would be buried in it. The better Scrooge McDuck fuck all is like, well, now he's dead. So the money will get released to Duckberg. Nope. Buried under cement. And then, like, the next, like, epilogue to the story is like a, like a team of robbers breaking with jackhammers. It's got to be the Bigel Boys.

It would be the Bigel Boys. But it's all. But it's all orchestrated by glumgolds. I knew that filthy scrooge would try to bury this money with him. Oh, him and that lucky dime. Hey, are we talking about chopping mall? Yeah, yeah, it's all right. Well, Duck Tales was popular when mall culture was big.

That's true. So it was technically on track. Also, the cut of this movie that was released on home videos only 77 minutes long. So we're just kind of running up to score right now. We don't have to start just yet. Yeah, this is one of those. It's a pleasant surprise that it's available in full on YouTube. Yep.

So I just had nothing to worry about. Yep. So basic premise of this movie, which I believe the crew from Saved by the Bell took a note from at one point. A bunch of teens stay over in a mall. But unlike the Saved by the Bell kids, they're not staying over in the mall to get concert tickets. These kids are staying over in the mall to drink beer and fuck around and watch horror.

movies oh they're fucking i mean that's the whole thing and it's it's i don't think that they're teens though because one of two of them are married oh yeah you're right they're kind of married 20s like it's just what an odd yeah what an odd thing to to do like to place them at that age because it's understandable that zach and the gang would hang around sure they'd sleep intense inside the sporting goods because they want to score early concert tickets and it's saved by the bell so nobody's fucking nobody no no heaven forbid anybody fuck anybody on that show But you know they did Somebody had to be fucking

Belding and all What someone was fucking Mr. Belding? Mrs. Belding, I hope. What was her name? June? I don't know if you ever saw her. I think she was like always hanging out with Vera from Cheers. No, I'm just saying, I don't think you saw

Mrs. Belding either. I'm saying, didn't she have a name? Oh, I don't remember. But actually Mr. Belding was the kind of guy who was always like, oh, well, Mrs. Belding and I went to counseling again or whatever it was. I mean, I know we're going off on crazy tangents, but it would be great if he was crazy and his wife died like 10 years ago. And he was just always talking about what Mrs. Belding was up to. Screech like comes over to help mow his lawn and he answers the door and it's Dennis Haskins wearing a dress and a wig. Meanwhile, the, the skeletons in the bed wearing a death mask.

A rose for Belding. So you're right, though. It is an odd thing that some of them are in their 20s. but also there's like the two girls that are working at the pizza parlor the guys work at this furniture store so I guess like they could be going to college or something and just have these jobs

I was just under the impression that they're teens but you're right I forgot there's that detail of the one couple pulling up but I think it might also be a thing where they're pulling up and the wife's like isn't this kind of stupid we're a married couple the guys like no it'll be great we're going to drink beer and fucking this furniture store

that's everybody's dream of this movie is to fuck at a furniture store six feet away from all the other fucking that's going on it's a furniture store you have the whole mall why don't you spread out a little bit oh there's one thing early on in this before before we really introduced these characters we get kind of a fake out introduction to the robots yes they're having this orientation film and uh they're showing this jewel thief going through the mall stealing all these jewels when when was there a jewelry store

in a mall. And they would take that stuff and put it in the back, right? Well, yeah. One, plenty of time there's been jewelry stores in malls, but you're right. They don't just leave stuff out like that. And also, what cat burglar is striking a mall? It doesn't make any sense.

The P&L on this fucking of these security robots makes no sense. Because it's, they must cost thousands of dollars. This is a dirt mall in God knows where. It's just a random California mall. And so, all right, so let's get into the basics here, right.

So this video, you know, it's a dude's robbing the jewelry store. He gets shot in the back, but with a laser being, with a laser being, I mean, with a laser beam from one of these killbots. And then so like the movie ends and it's like, so here's the debut of these robots. And what's hilarious about this presentation, it's apparently being done in the middle of the night because the mall is completely dark and it's just this. eerie group of people that are just in the mall, including Mary Warnoff and Paul Bartel, reprising their characters from eating Raoul, which is like, I don't know what's going. There's a weird thing in this movie where, like, it's Corman's, who's Corman's wife or Corman's daughter?

Oh, Cormon's wife, Julie Corman, is a producer on this movie, and I think Corman might have had some money in eating Raul. There's this weird, like... There's a bunch of Corman, like, cameos throughout. out there's dick miller later on which we'll get to yeah it's so so i don't know i guess they're just like oh it would be fun to place these characters at this press conference but the whole thing in that movie is they own a restaurant and they're well they're killing people to get their money to open the i don't know why they're there at this press conference is basically what i'm saying they just

roll their eyes and react to the to the little conference there but like it seems like it's for mall employees like hey you know this is how it works you show your id to these months robots we're putting in the mall and then you'll be fine and then they also show that like oh and by the way we we installed these gigantic metal judge dread doors

that you can never escape the mall from so it's like well why why have the robots that? Yeah exactly what do you who are you expecting to come in this mall? Lex Luther is he fucking looking for kryptonite like who's getting through these doors Lex Lutzers Saddam Hussein

like all sorts of people apparently we're anticipating or we're planning to rob this mall at some point. And Steve, you're right. I mean, that jewelry store is probably selling kryptonite. So I think I've got to shoot Luther's thugs in the back. But these robots, I mean, if you are making, look at it this way, this like rent a cop mall security, Paul Blart, motherfucker, this guy's got like at most. And this is at total most Like a taser Yep, okay

Maybe he's got some pepper spray But he's a fucking mall security guard So probably not in most malls Unless it's like a busy mall Or a mall in a bad area maybe, I don't know He definitely doesn't come equipped With fucking lasers And lethal like stun gun shit

And plastic explosives mind you Yeah these robots are bred for war Like they are made for the battlefield It makes no fucking sense why some owner of a mall would be like, you know what's a great idea? Let's buy a couple of these bad boys and throw them in. Also, Paul Blart in the 1980s tops is making $12 an hour. And that's a pretty good salary for 1986.

But it's not however much it costs to buy these robots, maintain these robots, and keep two scientists on staff at all times and a fully functioning supercomputer. What also doesn't make sense about it is like they're trying to top them on all They're not going to murder people like we showed in the video. Why show it in the video? Because it's Hollywood, kid. Think of the possibilities.

So, you know, they have sleep darts and it's like, oh, you know. Sleep darts. It's like, oh, well, you'll sedate them. And then they'll, these robots are trained to call the police when trouble happened. And it's like, well, why don't just have an alarm? And by the way, how effective is it to have robots patrols? a mall driving back and forth on their little tracks?

How about sensors? And then that sets off an alarm. Why do we have, we're making a middleman of a robot? The last thing I want to do, I would so much rather come into my store, like, oh, fuck. Somebody stole the TVs from my electronic store. Then, oh,

fuck, there's a dead burglar in my now I have this dead burglar on my premises. It's probably haunted. Now the rest of the people who own stores around you in the mall or like, that's the store where that burglar was murdered. Don't go in there, everybody. There was a dead body on the floor.

It makes no sense. You're right. Just buy a security system. Yeah. We got up on the top floor, one unnamed scientist and then Bud the Chud himself, Garrett Graham, as another scientist, that have to monitor, like Steve said, a supercomputer that keeps these guys in line, or I guess, doesn't keep them in line. Are we to believe, by the way, that a lightning storm is what makes

these robots go wacky? Yep. It hits, because the SuperCubeator functions by having this, like, weird teradome on top of the mall, which I must cost millions of dollars, at least.

And lightning strikes it, and it sends them all haywire, and they kill both the first guy and then Garrett Graham. Because that's how science works. Garrett Graham, by the way, worked like a porno actress in the 80s.

80s he did like five movies a day right he was all over the fucking place which another movie that really just gets the 80s totally right like 80s suburbia chud too bud the chud it definitely does it's a stupid movie

because like the chuds are just like comical zombies but if you're looking for 80s nostalgia that another one I'm going to toss in because it's kind of related to this movie it's got some similar actors night of the comet right right totally worthwhile 80s sci-fi movie

sort of like the end of the world yeah it's like a bunch of kids hole up in a projection booth at a movie theater playing poker and then the apocalypse happens and because they're like stuck in the projection booth they become the last people on earth and it's just like walking around Los Angeles going to the mall

I would say if anyone's interested just go through IMDB at anyone in this cast you're gonna have a good time if you follow up on some of these movies oh yeah there's some there's some crazy shit. Wonderful careers, all of them. Yeah, one of the fellows in this was in school spirit, which we talked about a few weeks ago. Oh, yeah, he's the uptight

Reaganite, who learns to cut loose after it all. The cast, I'd like to call the not ready for pornography players. You know, I would actually just make a little addendum to that joke. It has to be prime time pornography.

Because I would wager. Or 8 p.m. Yeah. I would wager, it would be pretty easy for some of these actors to get into some seedy pornography. That's true. And just to go more on the mall culture thing,

there's a whole bit in the opening here, I think it might be tied in with the opening credits of some sort, where they're showing the mall operating during the daytime. And there's some great moments here such as this nerdlinger going up an escalator with all these packages, and he sees a bunch

of babes in bikini. And he, of course, falls over himself, falls into the packages because it's the 80s. Like, that's another weird thing, right? The mall culture thing, like when the mall really meant something, there are beauty queens coming through this mall. They used to have beauty pageants there. It used to be like the mecca of American civilization. They were probably on their way to a Tiffany concert at the food court.

Have I ever, by the way, not to derail this conversation about chopping mall any further, but have I ever on this program told the story about when I saw Aqua live in concert? I don't think you have. Okay, talk about mall culture, right? So I'm at the mall one day. This is in upstate New York and I see a big hubbub coming from the food court. And I'm like, hey, what's going on at the food court? And some dudes like, oh, that band Aqua's going to play.

And I was like, oh, the Barbie girl people, this is going to be fantastic. Talk about a must miss concert. So I'm standing there, and they start up, right? She doesn't even get to the fucking chorus of Barbie girls. Some creep dude, like, reaches for her concert over with. And that's the time I saw Aqua in concert. That's amazing. At my mall upstate, the Hudson Valley Mall, at one time we saw MTV Vijay, Jesse Camp.

Was he buying heroin behind the Dairy Queen? I'm sure that's why he was in the area. but he was just walking around the mall going I might buy a suit today that's it the mall that I frequented as a kid the gallery in White Plains was closed down for a full day

because someone was stabbing people in the parking lot I didn't know that we've all spent a lot of time in the gallery it's still a dump all right so chopping mall so basically the nerdlinger Eric is in question if you were a fan of head of the class he was one of the dudes in head of the class

which I was a fan of head of the class he's the nephew of the guy running the furniture store and he's got these buddies who are trying to throw this sweet furniture store party sweet swinging furniture store party it's all about sex it's a weird sex party can I just say something that I realized weird sex party furniture store

this is the second time in this show's history we've covered a weird sex party in a furniture store what was the first? The Rapture. Oh, right. When David McCona and Mimi Rogers are fucking that chick and that other dude at the furniture store? Is this a weird? Please write in.

Please. If there's a weird subculture of people fucking at furniture stores. I mean, I guess it's a thing where it's like, well, there's just beds everywhere and couches and futons and day beds and shays lounges and recliners and fainting couches. If you buy any of those items, spray it down with a liceol. You're right. This movie makes me really distrust furniture stores. There's something about me bringing a box home from IKEA and putting that stuff together myself that just screams, Andrew. No one's fucked on this yet.

Absolutely. Well, it's also the structural integrity of IKEA. If anyone's got a line to my favorite website, repugnant teas.com, I got pegged on IKEA furniture. Anybody? Whoa, wow, it's a whole subculture now. so they're fucking in this furniture store you know he's planning the whole thing his buddy's like dude we'll get the beer from here we'll go over here nowhere in this conversation is all right and I'm going to bring these sheets from home and then I'm

going to wash him afterwards you know what I mean like nowhere nowhere it's not happening nope and the girls are kind of fast time in Ridgemont high in it in the in the pizzeria the authentic Italian pizzeria in this mall with Giuseppe the god knows what is like, oh God, it's at the pizzas. I get the cold. I've never seen a man with more comical filth on his shirt than this cook. Let me tell you something. That cook brought it from home.

There are some non-actors in this movie, including the fat customer that's at this pizza. It's kind of a great gag they set up because, like, the girl goes up to the register, and she's like, I need a large pie and order a zepailles, a thing of mozzarella sticks, a couple of things, a cheesy bread. and the guy is just like, oh, yeah, big family in tonight. And she's like, no, it's for that pig. And it's just this huge fat guy, just downing all this food. He's already eating and has ordered more food. That is a comically fat guy.

And his great line, his great contribution to this film, Wagers was more butter. For what? Your pizza? Yep, because it's California. So night falls on this mall and all these stores start closing up. And that's another great thing. There's the PA that,

comes on the big intercom system lights up in 25 minutes the mall will be closing oh god don't you just fucking miss that city living we don't have that the call that the mall will be closing soon god damn stupid amazon poor dick so basically the lightning you know the lightning happens the robots are evil right they kill the first guy they kill garick graham well they just they have these clamps these awesome little clamps yeah it's like lego hands like doctor no and they can shoot them out and it like shoots into his the back of his neck or something first death pretty okay there's a really good there's a couple of really good debts in this movie yeah yeah he's the first death he gets a little claw actually no the other the other scientist gets killed before garrick yeah that's

there's some off-screen murder i believe one of the full-time scientists on staff at this mall at this local mall one of the salaried with benefits scientists working at this mall's super computer control room. Well, scientists have to do something, right? You know, honestly, we probably have some listening right now that have been furloughed by NASA that are working at your local mall. Yeah, that's true. So stop buying stuff off

of Amazon or Nile or whatever you kids use today. And support some scientists at the local mall. Yes. And so Dick Miller is like the loot, like, if there were, like, I didn't know that there was like strata of janitors, but apparently

Dick Miller's that got the short straw. He's cleaned up vomit, and he's in a being an old grump, just like Dick Miller is. And these two other janitors, like just drinking beer. Like, oh, you got the short strung end, bro. See you later. Whatever, rookie. Yeah. It's just like, why, how did their day end before his?

They're janitors. Like, it's all, everyone's leaving at 5 o'clock. Is he getting like the night shift or something? Like, oh, you're now, now it's your turn. Good look with the killer robots. Well, I think that's totally feasible right? Night janitor, that's a job. But Dick Miller, I mean, I love Dick Miller.

Dick Miller's great. And what was the thing that we realized today about this character? It shares the same name. This is so weird because, at least the version I saw of the end credits of this movie, it shows Dick Miller in that scene. And it says Dick Miller, but it doesn't actually list a character name. And he's not listed in the scroll. But IMDB says his name is Walter Paisley, who is a character that he portrayed in like the late

50s in a Corman movie called, I think Buckets of Blood or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, apparently the howling he's credited as this too. And the Twelotin movie, too. Yeah, so it's like, our filmmakers just doing this as like a homage, like, oh, he doesn't really have a character name, so let's just... Yeah,

let's just give him this name. Or is he actually supposed to be his character of a guy who accidentally kills like his landlady's cat and covers it in plaster and then people think he's a great sculptor so he starts killing people and covering them in plaster. That's buckets of blood.

Yeah, so like... And then he... And then from there, he went on to be a night janitor. Yeah, the art world didn't pan out. And then he's killed by a robot. Yeah, he is killed by this robot. It's pretty good death here. Like, the robot comes out and fucking Dick Willers not have it.

The last thing he needs is some robot telling him where to get off. No, that's true. What's great, too, is he's mopping up this... vomit and the robot like bumps into the mop bucket it falls over and spills the vomit everywhere and this death is fantastic because it shoots out like a little thing and it falls on the floor and like Dick Miller kind of laughs at it like oh what that's all you do they paid 50 million dollars for this and then like it starts electrocuting the floor and like he's standing in the vomit it goes through the vomit electrocutes him there is an amazing skeleton animation that

flashes over him when he's being electrocuted. It's the worst best special effect ever. I love it when people do stuff like that. When they have that skeleton light up. He gets blonked. Yeah. You know, who got, you know, and this happens really quick, and a lot of people might not remember it,

but Darth Vader gets blonkid. He does. Yeah, you do see a little skull, a little forced skull on him. Yeah. He totally does. See, even good movies have skeleton electrics. There's an interesting.

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show are you lovely people in my life. I just kind of drifted around without direction and didn't know where to voice that. Then I started to get my crap together one piece at a time and the last piece, which didn't come until my early 30s, was therapy. And man, I wish it came along sooner. Ever since I started sitting down as a licensed therapist, I've had a place to voice my insecurities and try to fashion plans to help me achieve my goals. So that's why I'm thrilled were sponsored by Better Help. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, and it's designed to be flexible, convenient, and suited to meet your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and the good

thing is you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. It's BetterHelp.com slash WHM today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash W-H-M. There's an interesting bit of mall geography here that I'm not sure is a real thing or just wasn't in the mall that I worked in as a youth. But there's a scene where when the two girls get off shift at the pizza parlor, they go into what appears to be like a mall locker room. I don't understand this. And it's just to get a little bit more T&A in the film.

Yeah, like, because there's all these chicks showering and shit. And like they've got lockers where they're putting their pizzeria uniforms. I'm like, what is this? You show up dressed, that's it. Yeah, exactly. You punch in, and then you punch out, you go home and change out of that shit. Well, this is a very frivolous with the money mall, obviously.

Oh, yeah, they might have a whole spa. Supercomputers, mall locker rooms, whatever, man. So we're all drinking and fucking at this furniture store, and it's the best the 1980s has to offer. We're not even, you know, it's a little bit of a bummer? No 1980s dance sequence. No, like, hey, we're all having a party here, let's dance. Like, they get straight to fucking.

Well, there's a, there's a, there's a little bit of dancing. Okay. Because I remember watching it yesterday and the pathetic thought I had in my head was, well, that looks fun. Well, that's why, that's why I thought about that I did. Well, that looks fun. Like, the 80s was like, now it's not like a movie we mentioned it a little while ago. It's not like school spirit where, you know, you got gleaming spires play in the dean's house and it's a real rocking 80s dance party. It's kind of just six people.

Two of whom are sitting on a couch being awkward. So it's not like a super dance party, but it's just, it's just enough dancing to get ready to get down. You know, you just get, you can't get right to fucking. You got to, you know, pretend everybody's there for another reason. So our couples are the nerds, you know, both drag to the party. They start to like each other. Yeah, a little blind date set up. The super sex couple, which is like this big beadhead dude always chewing gum and this other woman that are like really, really going at it.

then you've got the sub-tier super sex couple featuring one of the actors from school spirit and the nervous girl who will get to and then the married couple so eight people plenty of bodies to go around right and you know to this movie's credit it gets right down to it the robots are out there they immediately pick up

on the party situation and they're not having it but at least the robots do have the common courtesy to let the fucking commence and then subsequently finish the robots are like no no no they're they're fucking still better wait out here they will be more tired when they come outside there is a sock on the door we must wait out here by the arcade barry i need my books barry i need my books you said this was only going to happen once a week this is turning into an every night thing and every night thing and every night thing and every night thing. I don't know why you came to this school, but I know why I did, and it's not

for that. And every night thing. Put out killer robot roommate? I'm going to lose my scholarship. I don't want to have to call the R.A., Todd. I'm calling the R.A. Todd. Can't you just go charge up in the library? Hey man, what do you think the student lounge is for? this is a bedroom first my uncle a robocop told me it would be this bad hey man don't play me

just because you don't get a dick that's discrimination so the first you know like the sex ends for the super sex couple and the babe is like get me a cigarette and he's like I got camel so like

come on baby you know I only smoke Virginia Slims hey like come on What am I going to do? Run around this mall? He just had sex. He's got cigarettes. Smoke the fucking thing. It's really an obnoxious request.

It really is. So he goes out and he goes to the 1980s relic, the cigarette machine. Oh, man. Do you think there was like one company that made those and like they're still around some places? But they're not making like new ones. Like you're not going to see a computerized cigarette machine. Not in not in America. Well, not New York.

Freedom hating New York I saw I saw one in a bar in Texas Was it the old like The pole tab No I think it was like Bebo ba pop pop boob Oh

Was it really? Yeah That's pretty cool I don't think it was I think it was like as sophisticated As like a fancy vending machine I don't think it was like As archaic as you're described

Yeah not the old Pinball machine Cigarette machine Yeah but it wasn't space age either I see Somewhere in between So he goes And, you know, he gets also clamped pretty hardcore.

It's a clamp to the throat, but you don't, I don't think you know that he's dead because then the girl, like, comes looking for him. Yeah. And sees, like, the slashed throat. And, like, he really starts bleeding out, like, when she moves him. Yeah. And then this is just the best thing in the movie. It's just fantastic. Everyone in the party's kind of getting hip because she's screaming.

They're all, like, putting their clothes on or whatever. God, what is great? going on. I was finishing for the fourth time. Elliot Gould comes out the back. Come on. We're not finished yet. And the robot fucking shoots

a laser at this woman's head and it explodes. Oh, it's a Gallagher. It's a pure Gallagher and I love it. It's so insane. It's the biggest head explosion you've seen in a while. It's really, really well done. And before that happens, there's a few zaps on the butt.

Yeah, they have these awesome like force lightning lasers like and they have different colored ones so you know who's shooting what also that's that's another thing if you're looking at the list you're getting these you're getting the specs for these robots well you know it'll cost another $100,000

to have them all have different colored lasers fuck it! Well I think maybe that's a thing where they're like listen we got to figure out where you know which robot shot who when the riot eventually comes to this mall so maybe like there's like different colored

residue. Yeah. We probably not because that's not how lasers work, but maybe that's what the guy. In the 80s, that's how it works. Everything was neon of all sorts of colors. So now it's holy shit, killer robots are out to get us. We're like 15 minutes in. I mean, we're about an hour into this podcast. We're 15 minutes in. And everyone's running around, Helter Skelter. We split up the girls are going to the air shaft and the guys are just on their own. They're going to go to the sporting goods store, uh, which, we split up the girls are going to the airshaf. And the guys are just, uh, we're going to go to the sporting goods store, uh, which, is pretty cool because it's called Peckin' Paz Sporting Goods, which was a nice little homage. Sometimes we should be, did you get it? Because I got it. I did get it.

This sporting goods store, in this suburban mall that sells Uzi's, by the way. They get like Uzzies, a shotgun, a sick like Harry Callahan pistol, and a couple of propane tanks. These dudes are locked

and loaded to fight these Johnny Fives. I almost think it might be for nothing. Because if you notice in this movie, you watch it, the killer robots, they're supposed to scan your ID badge, and then they know you're a mall employee, leave you alone. The way these people just throw up their badge,

like they're a person and be like, hey, look at, yeah, oh, yeah, and then they move it away. And it's like, you gotta wait until it scans it. You know, this little paper, you think that all the terror that's brought down on this mall is because,

they're not being patient enough with the card scanner? They're not respecting that robotic technology. I mean, it takes me longer to get into my office every day than what these people are doing. Well, let me ask you this, though. It's 1986. You're just some scuzzy kid that works at a pizza parlor. And a robot comes up to you one day and asks for your identification. I mean, it's clear that the kids in this mall, who are all, not all, but a good chunk of them are employees,

have not been briefed on this new uber expensive security system because they're all like, what the fuck are these robots? No one's like, oh, hey, it's the security system we've all heard about and got the memo on. I wish I studied more in college. Now I am a mall security guard. Not one of those fancy science robots, you see.

If it wasn't for my pesky roommate, Greg, I would have been able to get more research done. Speaking of actual dialogue of these robots, they the catchphrase seems to be like thank you have a nice day right i just killed you yeah it's a cute little like oh you know robot culture man they they would say that wouldn't they they would because well you know it's customer service they're all supposed to be happy you know just here to protect and serve in this crime ridden mall apparently that needs fucking huge

army-grade weapons to protect it. Is someone really going to damage your Arby's that badly? Like, I don't understand. Are you philandering in that Arby's? I believe this movie is rated R. Execute.

He put the meat between the buns. That is not your copy of poison. I will rip your arm off now. So the girls are in the heating vent and it starts getting really hot. And of course, there's always this, it's a disaster movie trope, right? Which is the one person that's just not wired for this man. Yeah, it's not going to have a man.

I like to call them the Steve Sadak characters. Absolutely. I wouldn't last. And she's just making all the wrong decisions. Just one after another. And you're just looking at your watch like, well, she's dead really soon. She has to be. This character is not making it.

And what's interesting about when they're in the duct? So they're like, wow, it's getting hot in here. We thought the air conditioner was on. And they make a reference to the fact that somehow the robots have tapped into the environmental systems in the mall and are cranking the heat because they know that they're in the vent somehow. Now, these robots are pretty sophisticated. But I don't think there's ever anything where Garrett Graham's like, the robots also know when it's too warm in the mall and can turn the air conditioning on,

for you. I don't think that that's covered in the presentation at the beginning. They can also tell if there's burglars burring through those vents. It's just insane. So it starts really heating up and like the metal in the vent is hot. So they have to like pull their shirt sleeves down

over their hands so they can crawl and shit. Oh yeah. And this girl freaks out and jumps down through like into whatever store they're in. And it's like, I have to find my boyfriend. I have to find my boyfriend. And she runs out. And they run a foul. of these robots and how does this girl get it it's it's really intense i don't know like uh they come down into what looks to be like some sort of CVS or something and there's big things

of gasoline like well if we see these oh that's right the tough one the married girls like well you know if we see these robots i know what we'll do we'll make fire bombs we'll firebom the fuck out of these robots it's essentially molotov cocktails with giant gallons of gas Which I really, like, super-sized Molotov cocktails. A lot more dangerous than just a little bottle of bourbon. That's your big gulp right there. What's hilarious, though, is they're making these things. And the one girl, like, the nerdlinger girl is just like,

so that's all you have to do is just stick this cloth in here. And the girl's like, yep, just stick that cloth in there, light it and throw it. And I was like, it's not that easy. But, all right, movie, go ahead. So they work. And, like, they're like grenades, essentially. It's like, one. Two, three, throw.

Like, no, the second I light a tub of gasoline, it better be out of my hands. They kind of roll them on the floor like a Ghostbusters trap, which is nice, because they're relatively the same size. And one goes up and like this robot's just like, well, I will just drive through that. I am made of metal. I am not human. Okay. Now cut back to the ordering meeting with the mall manager and this fucking industrial company that's making these things. And the guy says, well, you know, for an extra $10 million a pop,

we can make these things fireproof and bulletproof. Well, let's see. Really got to protect that Arby's. All right. I will throw in the knowing when to turn on the heating system function. It's a little – that's expensive on its own, but I'll throw it in for free. Morty, you got yourself a deal. And even though we already made the deal, hell, one of them is liquid metal now.

Because I like you. You got a nod to his face. And there's a bonus gift. You will get this liquid metal robot from the future. Originally valued at $4 billion. And so obviously this plan doesn't work. There's gasoline all over the floor. Just everywhere there's gasoline.

And that girl starts flipping the fuck out. Like she cannot keep her cool that it didn't instantly destroy the killer robot. And she like, I guess she trips or something. She gets shot in the leg Oh yeah She gets lasered in the leg Yeah It's a nice little splat

And she falls over The gasoline The gasoline I mean she just goes up She goes up She's burned alive And what's great Is like the boyfriend

Comes around the corner Like hey what's going Oh my goodness And she's like Trying to crawl on the floor And it's just on fire Hey XR A L1

Yes XR AL2 Is it getting hot in here good one Now you're cooking with gas Hey X-L-A-R-1 Try to show some sympathy A girl died

Okay I am now booting my last rights file Abin Go with God So what I find interesting too by the way Is what this movie decides to do the couples get killed off as couples

Like there's not simultaneous death But like you know The big you know Huge chested babe And the gum chew and mouth breather They die One after the other So then this girl gets killed

So it's like The dude from school spirit Is the one that's up next on deck And he dies And I was like What did they mix that up a little bit It makes it kind of predictable Well he wants revenge

You know real bad And he's all Oh real real sick revenge. They ended up getting to the Italian restaurant and holing up in there and he's all like

talking a mean game about this whole robot situation. All I know is what happens he gets thrown off the balcony. It's a sweet, to quote mystery science theater, it's a sweet railing death. It's a really good railing death. It totally is.

He just goes right off and you don't even like see him ever again. He's like, God. You see, like, this shot of, like, the blood coming out of his head, like, from a distance. Yeah. Oh, do you? Oh, yeah, that's right. It's pretty sweet.

What's amazing is the line that the dude has in the pizza place before they go out and do this, he goes, uh, he goes, let's go send these fuckers a rambo gram. Which is hilarious because he's dead in less than 30 seconds after the initial sending of the rambo gram. Let's go send those fuckers a rambo gram. Hey, X-R-L-O-1, it's lonely at the top. You're the robots with a Rambo in that situation. They really were. That's true. You were Brian, you got, you were Brian Denny he in that scenario.

Or the Viet Cong. Hey, X-L-A-R-2. Watch that first step. It's a doozy. Now, what you see here is, You do have action movie zingers. You're going to want action movie zingers in your robots. It's only an extra $40,000.

Oh, $40,000. And at this price point, that's a steal. That's chump change. So now they're down four. They're really upset. They're really trying to figure out, like, how are we going to get these fuckers? The temporary solution put a little band-aid on this chopped-off limb. Let's go into a Macy's type store and take a nap.

Yep. Why not? It's because it is, you know, where it's kind of waiting for dawn, like, because it's not bad enough that you're putting these incredibly dangerous robots basically untethered in a shopping mall, but also you make it impossible to escape. Just absolutely impossible to escape, but these time lock fucking airlocks. Yeah, these, like, total 2001 pod bay door fucking. sealed in tight doors it's ridiculous whatever happened to good old fashion the fucking little like gate thing comes down whatever happened to gates i think they're still around but in this in this movie they're not poor people use gates and you okay it's podbay doors

get the fuck out by the way before i think this is before they uh hole up in the the macy's type department store there uh they get one of the robots if i'm not mistaken taken. They start killing them off. They do kill them all. Well, it's weird because you keep thinking they kill them, but then they don't. One of them gets, one of the robots gets murdered when they take over an elevator shaft. And like, of course, the guy who has glasses knows how to rewire an elevator. That's how that goes. You know, I thought this guy was just a mild manager furniture sales boy.

Yeah. No. He is a fucking goddamn genius. It turns out he's another scientist. I'm applying to work upstairs at the robot office. You think they'll take me? We got enough up there, kid. You'll sell furniture.

So, yeah, they basically throw this robot into one of those outside elevators at the mall and loaded with explosive. That blows one of them up, I believe. Yeah, there's a couple of fakeouts. Like, at first they're throwing propane tanks shooting them. You think a robot's dead and it gets up because it's like rebooting, rebooting. Rebooting. And it's an amazing, yeah, they sort of light up this one robot.

and then, like, shoot the shit out of it and it falls over. They're like, we got it. Yay! And they run away. And then, like, a few minutes later, there's a hilarious scene where, you know, this production team's doing all they can to make these robots work. And it's like, the robot's arm is, like, starting to jut out, trying to, like, lift itself out. And then, like, right when it gets it, they cut to this shot of this prop robot, just, like, tipping back into place. And it's just a big chunk of plastic shaking around.

And now you just pissed them off, you know? Oh, yeah. Nothing pisses off a robot more than lighting it on fire and leaving it for dead. You'll be dead by dawn, dead by dawn. I am sick of sleeping in the common room. But also, here's a question about robots and spending money on robots. Clearly, the movie makes it believe that, you know, this mall has unlimited funds. The production team, not so much.

You know why? Because we never get robot vision. it's the 80s I want to see with these robots where was the robot vision yeah that would have been great all you have to do is tinted red or blue or something it's honestly not that hard I don't need like words to be passing by although I would have appreciated a good like scanning scan it because that's right that's how you know when a robot's turned is when they're clearly looking at someone you know to be a good guy and the robot scans it as a bad guy you're like hey something's wrong with that robot Bad guy identified Loading 80s movie Zingers It's like scanning a 16-year-old girl Serial killer must destroy

Must destroy Yeah I need a robot vision Sorry That's one point off So this movie has 99 out of 100 possible points Yeah So they're sleeping in Now this is hilarious

This movie really does take a nap And for something that's under 80 minutes this is unacceptable. But so they go in the department store and they go to sleep for a little bit because what they've done is they jack up a gate and crawl underneath it to get in the store and it closes back down.

And this robot is left outside to use his little laser vision to hilariously as slowly as possible cut through this door a little robot-shaped hole. And it's just like, they cut back to the robot like five or six times

and it's like, like he's really taking his sweet-ass time getting through this door don't you want to kill these burglars robot what's going on I sure hope that I can get through here before my supervisor wakes up if I get one more ride up I'm gonna get canned and it's just that little like hole that's like you know robot sized so it's it's like a little mouse hole but but for a robot bigger For a bigger mouse

A Wally shaped mouse I'm just thinking like Then you know you got robots on your hands Right You walk around You see all these little like These robot shaped Oh no

The robots were after somebody So The nerdy girls Got a good plan She's like Oh you know what Let's confuse these robots So they line up a bunch of mannequins

And a bunch of mirrors Oh yeah So it's like Oh these robots don't know What's going on So they're just lasering all over the place They don't know which is which. And one of the lasers hits a mirror, hits the robot back, and it goes, ape shit.

It starts just dancing around. This is the closest these robots come to Johnny Five is the dancing that this robot does while being electrocuted. It's like at the Ninja Turtles game when you're just about to beat Baxter Stockman. Like he starts shaking, he's like glowing red, and you're like, oh man, I got hit him one more time and I got it. Good thing I'm majoring in optics at the community college. paying my way while working at this pizzeria. So that robot's dead. It's not dead yet.

Actually, this robot takes out two of them before he... Does he? Oh, that's right. Oh, this robot goes down swinging. This robot lasers the brunette, married girl, and she's just right in the heart, dead, and just totally dead. And her husband should have let me use my room. And, you know, the husband goes apeshit.

And in the husband's act of revenge, she's got like this big machine gun and he's like oh no he loses his mind his wife is dead he jumps on a little luggage cart that happens to be nearby oh I love this and decides to ram this robot oh that's so great he like jousts

it with his gun it's so bizarre like it's already malfunctioning and like electrocuting itself so it's like well what do you think's going to happen yeah just let it do its thing but what's hilarious though yes he does try to joust with it but what's great is the fucking golf cart is like four feet away

from the robot. It doesn't have any time to gear up. It's like just like the slowest. It's four miles an hour. It hits this thing. And he gets electrocuted because the robot electrocutes it because it's showing electricity. Don't go near that robot. Yeah, it's got cartoon electrics all

over. You know what was a bunch of bullshit, though? The guy gets force lightning through him, but not one skeleton face. Yeah. You do a skeleton face one time. You got to do it all the time. Well, they blew their budget on that first. that's what they'd have robot vision either i'm asking you for the last time please stop writing breaking bad quotes on the whiteboard i'm still in season two so they're dead and again yeah the married couple boom boom just out at the same time you know so i guess you want a married couple to go right i don't want to wait too long for the other one to die they die within 60 seconds of each other these robots know what they're

doing. And it's an 80s movie, so we're priding virginity, so the two virgins are left. Yep, totally. Although I feel like this, the dude's clearly a virgin, the woman, I'm not so sure. No, and she was ready to get down back at that furniture store when he's got her watching some campy-ass 50 sci-fi flick. And like, she's all scared and whatnot. Way to throw water on that fire, pal. Yeah, he's like, oh, sorry, I should have told you about that. I've seen this one a few times. I was like, yeah, that VHS tape's worn out. Oh, man. Yeah, she's should have been murdered she should have been murdered because she might have had sex before well that's how this works right that's how the spooky tacular movies work just ask jamie kennedy

he'll tell you all the rules you need to know if you're ever stuck in a mall with robots these are the rules you need to know first do not fuck in a furniture store if you got to work at a pizza place that's fine but you don't go into the pizza place after the place closes, okay? Instant death. You do not get vengeance against robots. If they kill your girlfriend, just forget about it. Okay, force lightning.

There's two rules of thought here. The first one is stay away from it. The second one is, you have to stay away from it. So we decide to split up, which makes a great deal. First of all, here's the thing with, now that our group is down to a manageable size, I'm like, hey, let's go find a storage closet. And fuck in it. and fuck in it and lay low. Because guess what?

These robots aren't opening doors. Like, just stay out of the main hallways and you'll be fine. These robots have not entered a store yet. No. Like, literally, everything is just in the hallways, in the byways. They entered the one store you made them enter by visibly sneaking into it, and then it had to cut through the door. It's a huge mall.

Just go to Floor Shime and hang out in one of the dressing rooms. If you want to fuck, that's fine. If you don't want to fuck, that's also fine. I'm going to sit around talking about weird 50 sci-fi movies you've seen a few times. That's okay, too. But just let me... Lay low. You know, just, yeah, whatever you've got to do, just lay low, the sun will rise, the security system will be deactivated.

The pod bay doors will open. The pizzeria will live to see another day. But no, no, no, no, no. We got to get out as fast as, but, you know, that's the American way. And they're just jamming in and get it done. Fuck it. We want this now. So the idea comes from nerdlinger is like, oh, and it's kind of weird.

comes to nothing you think this is going to be the last act of the movie is like we need to find the computer system and shut these robots down manually which is like and i have glasses so a i know this and b i definitely know how to do this well i applied for the job up at up on the third floor they haven't taken me yet so we're just looking for this computer room for the last act of the movie they split up somehow he gets knocked unconscious fake dead he just gets in a fight with the robot yeah he tosses a fire extinguisher and at it. And then the robot's just like that did nothing to me.

Wait, that was a weird accent for a robot. But anyway, anyway, the robot throws it back at him and it knocks him down. It's a beautiful nerd drop. It's so great, too, because this dude goes flying and he gets like hit the chest with his fire extinguisher. And he's got blood coming out of the back of his head,

which is usually a movie language for dead. But you know he's the second to last dead. So you know he's not dead. Yeah, totally. And then the girl kills the last robot is that the deal she she like lures it into a paint store this is ridiculous i didn't i guess paint is that flammable can we just talk about really quickly the uh the detoured to the pet store first oh the pet store that has two obvious dog stuffed animals in the cages it's got two obvious dog stuffed animals and it is like dracula's pet store it is nothing but tarantial

and snakes. It's disgusting. It's, you know, it's a pet store I want to see burn to the ground. Whoa. Well, because I know that there's the only dogs in there are two stuffed animals and the rest of disgusting snakes and tarantulas. Even though that's the case, Peeway Herman will still run in there and save all those snakes and tarantulas. It's very true. And this is on his watch, SoCal, right?

You're right. Right. It's Peeley's territory. Yeah. He's got territory, huh? And so, but the best, so again, like, she hides underneath this whole rack of pets, and the robot comes in, and he's like, nothing. He's like, again, I want robot vision and, like, it trying to figure out what a snake is, whether or not a stuffed animal is, a real dog. Like, I want all that.

And it says, nobody in here and goes away. And she's like, all right, got to keep moving. Like, stay under the, you've beaten it. You, like, literally, it's not going to go back there. The robot's not going to double check something. It doesn't have that. It's programming. Well, what's great, though, is this robot, I guess, doesn't possess the ability to look down. She's totally not covered up by anything.

She's got, like, one thing that she's kind of slinking behind, but she's just under this counter. If the robot just tilted his little robot head down, he could see her just clearly there. And I guess that robot vision must be just like our vision, because, like, if he's reading heat signatures, you can tell. You can tell that there's this girl down there panting for her life. All this money spent on these robots and they don't have night vision? They're night blind. They're night security guards. It all went into the weaponry and the voice modulators.

Look, pal, you gave me the list that you wanted in this robot. I gave you a robot. That's it. You didn't say night vision. I didn't think night vision. I'm not going to remember that. Man, that's going to be an awkward call on Monday morning. This mall opens up and everyone's dead and calling up the robot.

guy just filled with dead teens you wake up i mean spoiler yeah the the robot goes in she lures into a paint store and i guess paint is super flammable it's paint but then she's also she's throwing a bunch of uh paint thinner like thinner around i bet that chick goes up and the robot starts like hilariously spinning around in it this paint slick that she's set up and she just totally lights this robot on fire what's her her catchphrase at the end there she's got a good zinger oh It's, she, she tells the robot to have a nice day. That's a, yeah, yeah, exactly. Have a nice day.

Light comes on, the doors open. All the robots are dead. They're like, oh, you know, this is the start of a beautiful relationship. This mall is filled with dead people. Oh, yeah. Like, just nothing but dead teens, dead, dead, dead old janitors. scientists, probably Nobel candidates, just murdered by these robots. Like, the manager of this mall is got a one-way ticket to Fox City.

Like, this dude is screwed. Yeah, he's getting, he's getting his vein spiked. That's for sure. Oh, God. Oh, good. He's out California way, too, by the way. That's the end of that. Yeah, no, he's finished.

He's finished for sure. I mean, that's, it's such an awkward, like, That's what I want, and you don't get, mainly because you don't get, there's no character in this movie that's the mall manager. Yeah. You get Garrett Graham and the other dude or the scientist, but the only dude who's like responsible for anything is the guy giving the presentation at the beginning. You don't know if he is from the robot company or if he's representing the mall or what the deal is. Is he evil? Does you know it's going to go wrong?

Exactly. That guy needs to come back. He needs to be made aware of the situation in like the middle of the movie, you know what I mean? great. He comes back towards the end and then the family members and the town are shown up at the mall and then just

to rip him to shreds, like some real mob justice. Like, oh, no, no! And they're like ripping his arm off of his body. It's like the end of a it's a Joe Don Baker movie we did?

The pack? No, no. Walking Tall. It's like the end of Walking Tall. It's like the end of Walking Tall when they just like leave that dude to the townspeople to take care of that would be pretty great well this has got to be a tragedy man these are some young bright stars

just burned right out all to save not even save money like just for the hubris of having robots guard your shitty mall also here's the other thing this movie needs right and it it gives us the exact opposite

what it gives us at the beginning of this movie again amazing mall culture amazing 80s right like it's just the mall and it's operating and it's a great mall there's a pizza place there's an arcade there's a bunch of great stores a furniture store fit for fucking

you know it's all there this mall has it all so it doesn't warrant the security system that it has what you need at the beginning of this movie is a mall that's filled with fucking you know gangs you know there's some looting going on

you know what I mean like a real bad news mall like they need jim balusia to come in and straighten out this mall that's the dude who you need to be running the robot company well you didn't say that you wanted night vision that's not my fault it's called the fine print asshole at the end like it's just all these robots turn on him like at the end of the lion king the hyenas like oh no no have a nice day jams yeah you know instead of that company representative being torn apart by people. I think Jim Belushi being torn a cinder

by robots. Yeah, that wins. That'd be nice. Would anyone recommend Chopping Mall? I love this movie. I've seen it all throughout my childhood. It was weirdly, like, there's a lot of nudity in this movie, but it's easy enough to cut out. So this was on local television all the time. Like Channel 11 situation?

Yeah, yeah. There's a TV cut making the rounds, and like, it's fantastic. I was kind of too afraid of horror movies as a kid so this was my substitute I love this movie it's hilarious that's very interesting

you brought that up with the nudity there are a couple of shots of that and it just makes me think people got naked for this yeah but yeah I would recommend it

it's it's fun and dumb and you know it's it's kind of like one of those so good it's so bad it's good and so good it's bad it's definitely

is so bad it's good and so good it's bad i mean this movie is ridiculous like it's so incredibly short i mean we just crossed an hour here recording and we're done with it i mean there's really nothing to it it's in and out but it again it combines the three things that i i love in one movie at the same time which is great you know like i said malls horror in the 1980s totally enjoyable and the other thing that i do appreciate about this movie is it's definitely a comedy there's a lot of comedic elements in this movie a lot of like outright jokes i thought i remembered one line specifically that the woman has about uh a robot at one point they have a thing where there's uh you know they do a whole like absolutely nothing can go wrong line and it's very self-aware um and just like

putting uh what's his face uh pa paul bartell and mary warrenoff in the movie at the beginning like kind of lets you know what's going on yeah it's just it's so it's so silly like mary warrenov's looking at the robots who are all the same you know and she says like the middle one has a certain ethnic quality and paul bartel goes like yeah you know what i mean so it's like that's the one fisher stevens which fucking worked on right if you ever anyone's seen short circuit he's the white man who played the indian man that is just what you want to talk about all the glory of the 80s the one thing that the 80s could have done better was hire an indian person for short circuit Yep.

We weren't ready. We weren't ready. We weren't ready. And they came out the same year, actually, which is really odd because these robots look identical practically. It's pretty much Johnny 5. It's Johnny 5, but like we've seen these robots before, right? Like, it looks like Uncle Pauli's robot a lot. The head of it definitely looks like Uncle Pauli's robot for sure.

The bottom of it's Wally just with like those little tank wheels. We love tank wheels in the 80s, man. Well, you know, it's practical. you're not going to get a flat tire and they're great for combat like in a mall when you have to go in a mall. You really need the gritty shit in a mall. I mean that's

I think we've been harping on how ridiculous it is but that's like the charm of the movie it's so so stupid this is like the third time I've seen this movie totally enjoyable and you know the thing that it's really great to impress upon you if you're thinking about watching it 77 minutes or so

you're in and you're out and it's totally available on YouTube there's like multiple cuts. This was what was kind of interesting. There's like multiple people that have gone out and uploaded, like taking the time to upload chopping mall to YouTube. Yeah, and if you're listening to this and you happen to own the rights to chopping mall, you might want to send YouTube a little. See, C and D. Oh, man, then you'd have to be the person who fesses up to owning the rights to shopping mall. That might be Lionsgate or something. Oh, no. Someone posted my movie on YouTube.

my thesis is ruined what uh the one last thing that's kind of interesting this movie's called chopping mall these robots don't chop shit i read did you guys read up on this yeah title situation no what oh there's a title story yeah apparently it was like initially like minimally theatrically released as killbots and kill bots makes a lot more sense they it didn't perform well so they thought it was like oh people think it's for kids or something or it's too much like the Transformers or GoBots or whatever

so for the VHS release we'll call it chopping mall and it made a ton of money as chopping mall because it's just that it's a funter title it's a funner title it's and you know like we did West we did slasher we did body parts we did anthology art

this is bat shit horror and there was plenty of this in the 80s horror was so popular you could there was a there's a lot of colors on that palette that you could do in the 80s. It's also, you know, killer robots is practically its own subgenre, right? There's tons of them, right?

Yeah, Westworld is one that jumps to mind right away. See, it fits everyone. It also reminded me there's a level in one of the best video games ever made, Zombies Ain't My Neighbors, that's called Chopping Mall. And it's just you running around them all, but there's like zombies and like a

killer Chucky doll after you. Not the exact same thing. It probably could have used a couple of robots. For sure. You can Oh, these is a robot. Most of these movies we talk about could be, you know, beddered by a couple of robots put in. I would love it. That's Chopping Mall for this week from 1986, directed by Jim Wynorski or H.R. Blueberry. That's right.

Just one of, just the base camp to Porns Mount Olympus, this movie. Once you start your, you start your long journey, there's going to be some creepy Sherpas carrying you to the top. If you want to get at us or find out more information about the show, check out our website, WHMpodcast.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM Podcast. Right into the mailbag, We All Hate Movies at gmail.com.

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Exactly. Everybody do a little homework. You enjoyed this episode. Share it with your friends. Spread the W.H.M. Love around all the corners of the internet. Until next week for the final episode of the 2013 Halloween Horror Sputacular. I'm Andrew Jupin.

Eric Siska. Stephen, say that. Take it easy. Thank you. Thank you. Have a nice day.