We Hate Movies - S4 Ep138: The Core

Episode Date: December 31, 2013

In this week's episode, the gang says goodbye to 2013 by digging to the center of the earth with 2003's sci-fi snooze, The Core! How much inaccurate science can you fit in one movie? How much scenery can The Tucc chew? And why is Aaron Eckhart screaming so much? Plus: Temperatures in excess of nine THOUSAND degrees! The Core stars Aaron Eckhart, Hilary Swank, Stanley Tucci, Delroy Lindo, Bruce Greenwood and Tcheky Karyo; directed by Jon Amiel. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, Mandra Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Gavin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the final episode of We Hate Movies. Oh, sorry, of 2013. Sorry about that. I got a little beer caught in my throat there. I was packing my bags.

Get out of here. Saydak, the bus is leaving. Let's not even talk about it. No, no, no. Just the final episode for the year 2013. We will, of course, be back in 2014. But in the meantime, we're here to talk about 2003s, The Core. Who directed this?

John Emile. John Emile. Who we just were chatting about with copycat a couple weeks ago. Oh, yeah, it's one of his. And he's a slow master, isn't he? Well, because he also did entrapment. Yeah, I have a feeling John Emil, this isn't going to be his final appearance on the show. No, no, no.

Entrapment also known as Catherine Zeta Jones's ass. Oh, absolutely. That's all that movie is. That was the trailer. Boy, she does a lot of squat thrusts, huh? Yep, she's just dodging all those lasers. Hey, you want to spend $10 to see that? No?

Why not? Because I'll spend $3.95 to rent it at Blockbuster when it comes on video. The core, or as I like to call it, the largest collection of the least bankable stars in history. Just all end to end, right? It was a thing where I think they were like, listen, if we get a bunch of these like mid to low level people and get enough of them in one movie, it'll kind of add up to one bankable star. Like we get all these dudes in a room and it adds. up to like a late 90s Harrison Ford. That's what you're going for.

Look, you can either get the Criterion Blu-ray or you can get a bunch of used Blu-rays from your blockbuster during the going out of business sale. Exactly. And you got a big collection. It looks great. Everyone assumes you're a big movie buff. They're not looking at the titles anyway. Man, that's a thing I hate by the way.

Oh, he's a movie buff. Oh, that guy? That Steve Sadegh, he's a movie buff. He's a real movie buff. That Chris Cabin, he's a movie buff. a movie buff i you know what i don't want to be called an enthusiast yeah i don't that's the one i don't i'm fine with film buff as long as you don't get like oh he's a film enthusiast well an enthusiast is like a nice way of saying weekend warrior

like to me enthusiast sounds like you're kind of into something well it means you're on the brink when i hear it the brink of what madness oh i appreciate anything that anyone that's not calling me a fuggin loser so i'll take phil buff that guy's a fuggled loser oh that steve sadek yeah i know he's a fucking loser so this movie's about uh the world dies now here's the question i have for the audience and i mean you know you guys in the room did anybody see this movie when it came out absolutely not i did not

know that this was 2003 i figured this had to be like a late 90s yeah set it and forget it this should have been like right after twister this should and I think that was the thing. I think it was one of those things where they had the script and it got held up for forever. Yeah. And then nobody wanted to do it because, I mean, they read it. And, you know, but a bunch

of people did. Hillary Frank wanted like a big Hollywood blockbuster, I guess. Yeah. Let me ask you this. It's 2003. How do you not have Robert De Niro in this movie? He's someone who doesn't give a fuck about anything by 2003. Showtime was 2002. He'd have to do a whole lot of running.

You're telling me he did a whole lot of running for this fucking Sylvester Stallone boxing movie that's coming out. He looks like shit in that movie. They both do. They both look like dog shit. And that poster, you've seen those billboards around the city? It's the worst photoshopping ever. That person who made that poster should be fired.

It looks like an anime, like they animated their faces. You know what it looks like? Speaking of cartoons, it looks like a jib-jab. Email video. I think in the future all movies are going to be. Jim Jibs. You know, like, you got it. That's what this movie is. Anyway, it's like a, it's a disaster movie jib jabs. You know, you just got, ah, you punch at the elements and then they dance around. The fucking thing takes two hours and 15 minutes. Two hours.

Unbelievable. I watched it today and I was like, that can't be right. Netflix. I almost wrote Netflix. I was like, error on your runtime for the core. I was an asshole because I was like, I had Christmas shopping to do last night. So I was like, I'll just. I'll do the shopping. That course can't be more than 95 minutes. And I'm just fucking wild away at the bath and bodyworks. Grabbing all sorts of shit.

And it's just fucking the time of my night is adding up. And then all of a sudden I get home and it's two hours and 50. A lot of rose-scented things. Yes. Dude, I love bath and body works. I'll tell you why. Two reasons. Amazing candles.

And amazing foam soap. It's out of this world. And you go on Retail Me Not. Get that app. There's always a deal. you get like two big fucking candles for 20 bucks yeah nothing body works this week's sponsor on

we hate movies so the planet is dying in this movie the core has stopped spinning to some or it's like not spinning the right way it stopped spinning as Aaron Eckhart effectively explains is

it's like there's a wrench inside it the core Chris in case you're wondering it's like a big engine and we're going to say this a bunch of times for two hours of 50 minutes the core is like a big engine and the engine stopped for some reasons. Let's get down there and fix it. Just go down there and fix that fucking,

that molten sun that's in the middle of the goddamn earth. I read an interesting thing, and this is kind of a good place to start with this movie. In Canada, okay, now let me find it. I want to get the school's credit right here. The University of British Columbia. Okay, there is like some sort of environmental science and ocean science.

class you can take. Sure. They watch this movie to teach examples of bad science and movies. They sit there, they watch this movie, and then the teacher presumably is like, nope, nope, nope, nope, yep, yep, nope. Well, I mean, you spend every five minutes to say, well, that can't be right. Like, yeah, I know almost nothing about this, you know, science, I mean, science of any kind. I sit here doing a fucking comedy podcast every week. I know pretty much nothing about science,

but even I, as someone who knows pretty much nothing about science, is going, nope, I wrote this note that says, My Ass movie, and I don't know what it's in reference to because it literally could be 10 to 12 different things. It could be anything from the science involved, straight down to Stanley Tucci's wig. I mean, anywhere in between DJ Qualls is a house, Hacker, who uses the line of dialogue, you want me to hack the world, which is a joke that we made in the hackers episode that turned out to be a real thing in the movie none of us had seen yet.

So you can get free international calls with a gum wrapper. Whatever. My ass movie. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. You know what movie? Steve's ass movie. That's the one you don't want.

So, yeah, the engine is dying, and we have to Armageddon. We have to go into the center of the earth. We'll get there. How does that make sense? And shoot off a bunch of nukes and restart the engine because nukes literally can do anything. It's weird. It's very pro-nuclear power. We need these weapons.

What happens if the Earth dies? We've got to do something to jumpstart it. This is how we're going to keep on going. Steve made that Nelson Muntz joke before he started. Got to nuke something. Yeah, you do got to nuke the whales poster. That's just wrong-headed and hilarious. They do have whales in this movie, and they probably are going to get some nuclear poisoning.

Oh, yeah. If that hole is right there. There's going to be a leak of some kind. I mean, the hypothetical science that has to go into, like, let's just pretend you can get to the center of the earth and you're in a spaceship made out of magic. I'm with you. Which they're in. They take the magic school bus, that red-headed teacher and that fucking school bus that may or may not have talked. I don't remember.

Did they actually go to the center of the earth? on that program they were going all sorts of places they were going all sorts of space a lot i think it was a lot of leaving the planet on that i was you know what i was always a wayside stories from waste of school kind of guy what i don't know what is that really it's like uh like a weird school where like each like chapter or i maybe even each book is about like a different student like rick moranus in gravedale high something like that was that show where rick moranus was a teacher at a high school full of monsters coming soon to animation damnation probably. If you can find it. Oh, I'm sure it's out there. So anyway, when you're the idea of like, all right, we actually can get there somehow to the hottest place next to the sun. And we could fire, we're going to fire nuclear weapons and just it should work. I mean, I don't know. Earth is dead anyway. Let's just see what happens. I mean, I think it's a thing where they're just like, it's a real like, well, why not? You know what I mean? Like we're dead in what they say in 30 days, the planet's going to.

We turn back to the Stone Age, and in three years, the Earth is going to be completely scorched. But, okay, what, I can only imagine the pitch meeting of this when that think, look, the whole premise is that the core of the earth stops spinning. Yep. Well, how would you ever, ever begin to think of restarting something like that? I don't know, you push it? You get up and push. I think it starts like that and it just snowballed into, yeah, let's just, you know, nuke it. Yeah, it's like Fonzie hitting the jukebox, I guess, is the idea, right?

Well, I mean, there's a weird. I'm just picturing Henry Winkler has to go on this mission. Only one person could do it. They're like, all right, Henry, you got to be in character as the Fonz as we're drilling down there. He's like, what, the entire time? Yeah, dude, if the core hears you talking like Henry, they might not buy it. I mean, it's the core. It might as well be the fucking fifth element for all.

all I know. It's just one of those things that like I, the, the very idea is so off the map that you whatever happens, you're like, whatever. Now listen, here is a tried and true way to determine if your

science fiction movie is full of bunk. Okay. If you present a screenplay in where the science that you put out makes Star Wars, Wars look like Carl Sagan's Cosmos miniseries.

It's probably full of shit. It absolutely is. I mean, the same thing with Star Trek as well. Like, all of the bullshit computer magic that happens on that show, I buy at least because it's in, it's set in either a galaxy far, far away, or in the fucking 29th century. Because Patrick Stewart's got a fucking spiky-headed guy talking to him. It's style. It's like they get the fantastical elements in everything.

But this, it's like all super reality and, like, death is super real in this. We'll get to it. This movie loves killing. Suffering is such a crucial element to this movie, and it's a disaster movie. Suffering is also a crucial element of watching this movie, by the way. But it's one of those things where you just, like, you just fucking know how goofy this is. Just come to terms with how goofy this is so we can get going here. Yeah, I mean, I think Stanley Tucci might be the only one that gets it

Yeah, as per usual Yes, exactly right. Stanley Tucci, like almost always, gets it. Yep, he just, same thing in the Hunger Games movie. He gets it exactly right. He's fantastic. I mean, I like those movies. Yeah.

He's the best part about those movies. He's the only one that gets it. I feel like Sutherland gets it. Sutherland gets a paycheck is what he gets. Sutherland, I'll disagree with you on that. I feel like Sutherland. Sutherland sees what those movies are for. I don't know. I don't know if he's just sadistic enough.

Like, he's not, I would want him to be a little bit more over-the-top sadistic rather than just like grim and, you know. Yeah, but if he's too sadistic, then the president becomes a cartoon villain. You know what I mean? And they try for... Well, I mean, it's the movie's kind of cartoonish, isn't it? I mean... What, The Hunger Games is cartoonish?

I think it's a bit cartoonish. It's fun. I mean, yeah, I have fun with it, but it's... It's cartoonish. I don't know if cartoonish is the word. It's just all that, it's all the glitz and the glamour and the thing. Well, that's that stuff. It's,

you know, that stuff's playing for life. Yeah. The world engineer that Phil, the Phil of Seymour Hoffman is. He's the game maker. Yeah, a game,

there's a job game maker. I wish you had the highest. You are paying roles, I think, in the government. I'm in the hunger games. These are, yeah.

I mean, I, I, I think it's a book series This is him talking to his daughter I don't know My niece watches him, I guess I don't know, I

I got a movie to make God, I'm so fucking horny I didn't I didn't have a number on that prostitute So are you saying You didn't think he was really trying No, I think he might have been a little checked out in that performance.

Well, we'll see what he does in these next two movies because his character is a gigantic part of them. Speaking of gigantic things. This problem that the Earth has in this movie. And Aaron Eckhart, I mean, I was an editorial intern at a major publishing company, and I read an unsolicited manuscript that reminded me so much of this. Oh, I thought you were going to say you read an unsolicited manuscript from Aaron Eckhart. It's fan fiction. Kirk and Spock fucking each other

for two and a hundred pages. Dear, we hate movies, in the episode of the core, when Steve said fan fiction and then referred to Kirk and Spock fucking, he was actually referring to a subgenre called Slash Fiction. Great show.

You, uh, got to get off that computer? I got a couple emails that said. Then Sutherland walks in. Would anybody like to smoke some pot? Oh, he's naked again. No.

Just pot? The manuscripted question was this thing called anomaly, and it's actually published now. It's absolutely terrible. Was it published under Anomily? Yes, it's self-published. I'm just talking shit about this guy's book now. That's fine. And for the record, I was the one that solicited.

that book. But it's about this guy who is a square-jawed awesome, good-looking scientist he's like an FBI profile like he's a genius he always knows what to do in every situation

and it's incredibly boring and that's Aaron Eckhart in this movie he's a genius with no bounds whatsoever he's the only person to figure out that the core is broken

and you would think he's just kind of the Elijah Wood of this movie that sees like the fucking thing and he kind of comes along for the ride. No, he solves every single problem in this movie. He's the main character. Yeah. You're right. He should take a backseat to Del Roy Lindo, by the way. God damn right. Who's an amazing actor. Can we talk about the hair? He looks like his aunt must his hair before every scene. See, because that's the thing that this movie does, right? Like he's a scientist and he's a college professor. So he does not have time to put himself together. He's too concerned. He's always thinking about science. He's thinking about his lecture that morning where he's going to play the trumpet.

in front of a piece of limestone for some reason. He's just got the same outfit for every day. He really took Albert Einstein's thing to heart. Yeah, I mean, and three hours at the gym, but sure. I mean, everything else is just... Yeah, exactly. He's like definitely the most fuckable dude in this cast. Absolutely.

Hands down. Sorry, Stanley 2G. So he's a scientist. B2Bs, nice little cameo here from Rekha Sharma from Battlestar Galactica. Say what? She's the his Indian American assistant there. Oh, the two assistants. Yes.

When he's playing the trumpet to the rock. Oh, the T.A. Yeah, she's the T.A. I mean, she's on Battlestar. Yeah, she's a pretty big role there. Again, you'll never see. I watch three episodes. You'll never see her again.

Yeah, and he figures it out. I guess because the, what happens is this movie opens and everyone has a pacemaker attack in some major city. I forget where it is. Boston. Yeah. So there's, there's, there's, The whole thing is, like, the electromagnetic field that's around the planet,

which is caused by, like, the core, which is made up of liquid metal. That's liquid metal. That's spinning around really fast. And when metal goes around that fast, it creates the electromagnetic current. This is what I was understanding from this movie. So there was a fluctuation in that. And everyone who had a pacemaker in this one area of Boston dropped dead. Which must have been dozens because it's mass chaos.

Did you see that warehouse that they go to? It's an airplane hanger filled with fucking corpses. Yeah, he, Richard Jenkins, Crooked General, brings... You know, he's crooked, by the way, because he's got a mustache. Yeah, absolutely. It's the crookedest mustache I've seen in a while. And he brings Checky Cario from Addicted to Love, our favorite movie. And Aaron Eckhart to this warehouse with full of dead people, like, fucking top to bottom.

What's amazing is they walk in, and they're kind of like scientist best buds. Yeah. You know, they've probably had some adventures in Nicarog. or like whatever you know and they walk in their paling around and they walk into this airplane hanger filled with bodies it's a bunch of tables and there's bodies with sheets over them it's clearly a you know mass grave yeah and they walk in and they don't get it it's a gag it's a full gag they don't get it instantly like i walk into that room i'm like holy shit here's 60 dead bodies i'm not walking into the room they opened the door i see all the bodies i walk backwards like

Aaron Eckhart, like, bumps into a table or something, and he's, he should do a full-on homina, homina, homina, homina. Oh, if anyone was, was ready for a Jackie Gleason homina. It's him, because he's spooked by this corpse. The weird thing is Richard Jenkins practically abducts these dude. He has, like, you know, his black hats bring them there. And he's like, all right, is this the work of terrorists? And Aaron Eckhart takes a thought, and he's a genius and figures out immediately

it's because of pacemakers and he's like no it's not okay see you later that's all I wanted to thank you very much and then Aaron Eckhart has a really obnoxious screenplay line where he goes

but wait a second there's nothing on the other side of this equals sign shut up just shut up that's what I actually realized about movies like this they'd be much better

if they didn't have punchy like 1990s screenplay dialogue just have a really straight-laced movie. Like, there's way too much joke cracking in this screenplay. I mean, that's why Paul Greengrass makes great movies. Yeah, I don't think Paul Greengrass has ever told the joke in his life. And he's one of the most amazing working filmmakers today.

No, I'm just imagining it in front of a brick wall. Anyone keeping up with what's going on in Syria? Pretty harrowing, huh? Actually... It's not supposed to be funny. Actually, I will say that I saw him do a Q&A at New York Film Festival, and he was a funny guy. He was cracking jokes with Tom Hanks after Captain Phillips. He seems like a nice, like a good dry humor.

If there was ever a sold-out audience that needed some levity after his screening. But I think you're right, because I think the problem is this movie is a, it's a B movie. It's a legitimate B movie. Oh, yeah. And it's in this style of Armageddon, which is snappy. a big Hollywood blackbuster. Oh, yeah. Absolutely not. It's totally absent of that, like,

here's the thing. I don't like his movies, and his work has appeared on this show before, but Michael Bay knows how to make this kind of crap flashy and fun to look at. This is dull as dirt. Fun. Capital F. Fun. It's the only thing Michael Bay's good at is

making something fun. Like, those movies are bad, but for the most part, you can find a solid, like, 50-minute block all told that's fun to watch. And it's just all grim death in this movie. It's from the get-go. It's all just fucking, we're all going to die.

And then in the middle of it, like, okay, you want to talk about the pacemaker thing. The other thing that makes them know that something wrong is going on is a bunch of birds the birds. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a Hitchcock reference.

And they just fall from the sky. It's the silliest looking thing in the world. It's really terrible and it's just it happens in London this event and all these people are running around it's just a bad scene you know straight out of the birds actually you know what the movie the birds

does a better job at a bird attack in the fucking night when that what came out what 63 I think like in 1963 your bird effects are way better than in 2003 by the way

come on it's it's really and it's where on that checklist, right? It's like, what's happening in major cities? I don't care. Like, maybe let's see what's going on in, like, Northumberland. Maybe that's what the birds are.

Like, why does it always have to be? Like, literally every, there's three or four disaster scenes in this movie. Each one is in a major city, at a major, what do you call it, landmark? Well, because this, we're borrowing from Michael Bay. We're borrowing from... Independence Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right? This idea of, like, we've got to see landmarks destroyed.

The fucking Golden Gate Bridge goes in this movie. it's just so stupid so Aaron Eckhart Czechic Carrier they are some scientists that we've met and you know this this is a movie that's made post-1995

that's talking about bringing about the end of the world so we have to have astronauts of some kind of some caliber and enter the D team NASA's D team Hillary Swank and Bruce Greenwood that's where my ass came from it's the seed it's when

it's the my ass seed it's because I'm glad I could jog your memory because they're coming in for a landing you know where we just finished our little space John it's it's 2003 we don't think NASA's ever

going to run out of money so we're just coming on in for a landing and government furloughs that's ridiculous and they're because again of the core their radar is off or whatever I'm sure it's a much more technical on a spaceship it's not just called radar but their radar is off

They're instruments, their navigation instruments. They're flying head on into Los Angeles, right? And it's like, oh, fuck, we're going the wrong way. You know what? The dying core of the earth does the same thing that the terrorists and Die Hard 2 do. Remember in Die Hard 2 when they adjust the shit that plane crashes? It's the same thing. Like, they're way off course.

They have no idea what their altitude is. And yeah, downtown Los Angeles. You think William Sadler's doing naked, yo. while he's watching this like excellent oh yeah so here's a question i've always had about that scene right that scene cuts after a couple of like butt cheek wiggling kicks is he jerking off at the end of that i seriously movie or like not not william sadler the actor the guy is the guy jerking off i mean he i mean i assume he's jerking it 24 7 right like he's just he's been jerking off maybe he jerked off forehand. He only trusts his hands. But he feels

great. And like, yeah, yeah. That was a good one. Yeah. I was wondered that about William Sadler's character and die harder. Anyway. So, it's like, oh, fuck, we're going the wrong way. You know, Houston's totally useless. Alphrey Woodard is the Ed Harris role in Houston

doing a whole lot of nothing. She goes through this entire movie doing absolutely nothing. Nope. She's got nothing to say to nobody. And, you know, she's just like, well, I don't know what to do. and Hillary Swank's eyeball in it from a falling spaceship. She's like, I got an idea. Let's go to this heading, this heading, and that heading.

And Bruce Greenwood's like, all right, let's go there. And they go, they take a right, and they go to the Los Angeles River. And it's a spaceship like my ass. It's threading a needle. You want to know how fake this was for me? I was certain it was going to be a test thing. and she was going to walk out of a machine.

I was certain of it. The first time I watched it, I was like, well, this is just a test. It crashes, and you're like, holy shit. And then it's like, eh, eh, eh, and then the door opens, and she's just been taking the Kobayashi Maroon. Kobayashi River went in my head when I thought, Kirstie Alley's like, oh, I lost again. And it's got that crappy Michael Bay thing where it's like,

the space shuttle lands perfectly, but it's like kind of, they're having trouble with the brakes, and they're getting closer and closer to some scaffolding and all these construction workers are running asshole who's scrubbing graffiti off of this bridge it's just like the nose of it is right up his assholes are on so he can't I hate the headphones I've got headphones on jokes

because listen I have you know hearing loss these days from the loudness I keep headphones on you it's just the price I got to pay But living in New York City Being on the train and whatnot You can crank that shit as high as you want Noise is still getting through

And this motherfucker's got these like chinty ass Nothing headphones on Just bopping along painting over this graffiti There is a space shuttle It crashed into the ground It's fucking reverberating You felt it yeah you have to feel it Chris Thank you

Yeah it touches down and it's a big What the fuck was that? And it does it twice It touches down and then for some reason And they put the landing gear. This is ridiculous. They're like, all right, the brakes are out. We have to use something else to help us to stop.

We'll take the landing gear in. So we'll just touch on the ground and hopefully scrape enough that we stop. But now, I don't know. Again, I'm not a science guy doing a comedy podcast. But what they do is they say take in the landing gear. And what happens in the movie is the landing gear goes up so fast. The tires go up and the shuttle crashes down. If you're doing that, wouldn't the shuttle go down to the ground?

It would break into the, yeah. Because gravity, you know, the tires are on the ground. It doesn't, it's not a pool table. You know what I mean? Like, it's just tons and tons and tons. Just part of the jambalaya of bullshit that this thing is serving. Emerald Ligasi's super spicy bullshit jambalaya. Oh, we're going to get some bam.

in a minute. The one thing I want to point out, it's an analogy I want to test out with you guys because Bruce Greenwood very early on

is dead meat. You know for a fact because his whole thing is and you can just tell because you've seen a movie before. He's like, he's like Hillary Swank's mentor

and he's like, well, you know, one day you're going to have to make the hard decision and I'm not going to be there for you. It's kind of just his Star Trek speech. Yeah, exactly.

Here's my question. Is Bruce Greenwood, America's Sean Bean Oh Well he makes it Kind of through the first Star Trek movie Even though he's like tortured and whatever Yeah he does die in that second one spoiler alert

He might be He's gruff You know Here's the thing Sean Bean's in like most movies Bruce Greenwood's in Bruce Greenwood's in all the movies He's in every

Like it's just a it's a point of saturation I just don't notice him anymore. But I'll tell you some credit to Bruce Greenwood as far as what he's doing in this movie. I was like, I would buy him as an actual astronaut. Yeah, to give you like a contrast in gravity, which I loved, a great movie. George Clooney's not a believable astronaut. He's not a believable veteran astronaut. To be fair, George Clooney is not a believable anything other than George Clooney.

Yeah, that's true. Other than he's just Danny Ocean. In every movie, he's playing Danny Ocean. Very true. And I think he's a great actor. I love watching his movies, but I'm always like, yeah, but you're still kind of George Clinton. He's an, I mean, he's an actors. Like, you're watching him because he's him.

Like, that's his thing. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, but I believed Bruce Greenwood. I was like, I would let Bruce Greenwood pilot me into space. I would believe, if Bruce Greenwood, if Bruce Greenwood walked through that door and was like, hey, fellas, I got a spaceship outside. Do you want to go for a ride? I would be like, I believe that you know how to do this.

You know what? I would, but then he might take that spaceship to Meeks cutoff. And then we're in real trouble. I was going to say almost whenever you need a handsome mid-50s man. You go to Bruce Greenwood, I feel. I mean, we're kind of making fun of him here, but he's a great out. Oh, no, he's really good. I will say that Sean Bean's edges him out in one important area, HBO television shows.

Sean Bean, Game of Thrones. Bruce Greenwood, John from Cincinnati. Eddie. Yeah. That one hurts. The loss. It's one of the lost column. Speaking of actors that got edged out by somebody, did Samuel Jackson in like 2000 go into Hollywood's office and he's like, no, no, no. I know that I have like just about half the older black men roles in Hollywood right now. But I want them all. Yes, exactly.

All the roles. And Delroy Liddow's like, no, no, no, Sam, please don't. He's like, no, I want them all. I ate all of the role. What's interesting about, I mean, yes, I believe that that incident actually took place. But Delroy Lindo, and this might spark some controversy in the room, is the better actor. Might well be. I believe Delroy Lindo as a variety of characters.

Like, for example, we were just talking about this. Like, in this movie, Delroy Lindo is like a weird kind of, you know, like, hermit-type scientist. I'd buy him as that. I also buy him as a badass corrupt city controller in Chicago Code. Sam Jackson, much like George Clooney, is kind of just always Sam Jackson, minus things like Django Unchained, where he's like really going for it. Well, I just think it's a difference of acting stuff. Like, Samuel Jackson's a comedian.

Like, first and foremost, he's a funny fucking guy. Dario Lindo's not really a funny guy. He can deliver a funny line. He's scary. like if he wants to scary like in clockers he's amazing that that's that I think is his best movie and it's fucking a terrifying and he's amazing and get shorty he's really good and intimidating and that but he's not a fun like Sam I mean the performance Samuel Jackson gives in Jackie Brown is one of my favorite performances it's it's probably the best work I mean it's it's funny and it is intimidating too at the same time so I give him a little bit of the edge because I'd never seen Delroy lindo really go out of his comfort zone I guess it's just you you know, to, you know, latch back on to what Steve was saying, though, Delroy Lindo definitely maybe probably lost out on some work due to Sam Jason. I mean, he's kind of unfortunately gone away.

I don't see you and stuff. That's why I was so excited for that Chicago Code. Because I'm like, holy fuck, Delroy Lindo is like the villain and then it got canceled. Which is fine. It wasn't great. But, you know. Was Ransom his last big movie? No, Ransom was like 95.

No, that was like 98. Still, I mean, that's a long time. But I'm trying to, I'm trying to, because that was absolutely. I think his last movie was that insufferable heist movie from David Mamet. You want to talk about talky talk and talky talk well you

you've just qualified that with saying David Mamet in front of it I kind of like that movie I guess Delroy Lindo did a voice and up oh that's fun that's a thing the thing that happened he's one of the cops that tries to take him in

whatever that movie can fucking suck it anyway so back to the core Now we're all the way back to the core. Aaron Eckhart, you know, is gaining support. He bumrushed Stanley Tucci, who's like fucking eaten curtain this whole movie, which I'm fine with it. Yep. Oh, it is. And this, you know, say we were talking about this with Stanley Tucci, man, like, you can't find a movie he's sleeping through.

No, yeah. I think the last time he was mentioned on this program in any capacity was that terrible undercover blues motion picture. Yeah. And he's just trying the fucking. movie oh yeah he's really just going for it so he gets him who's he's kind of like a really like a pop scientist i guess well he's he's a he's a 2003 uh neil de gross tyson you know what i mean he's found a way to become a rock star scientist sure he's just eating it up but he also looks like a mystery men villain well yeah we do have to talk about this wig this is a way i mean

like stely tochie's a bald gentleman he's the first one to say it when he walks in it Hey guys are bald Yeah But in the He's not bald in the movies No Normally he's not bald in the movies No not not often

You're totally right about A mystery man villain If in this movie Dane Cook popped out of nowhere And hit him in the face With a waffle iron I mean he could be like Yep that fits

He could be Jeffrey Rush's second hand I could see that Man that movie fucking sucks He's got this silvery quaff going And always wearing Black mock turtlenecks It's honestly kind of like a predecessor role to Caesar Flickman in The Hunger Game. Yeah, it's really, it's really close.

He's got like a cape coat going on. He looks, I called him Broella DeVille. That's what he looks like. It's ridiculous. So, you know, him, Eckhart and Tucci come up with this plan. Like, if only, you know, Eckhart's like, fuck it, we're dying. And him and Chick Carrier are getting wasted. And Stanley Tucci, even though he's kind of, he's kind of the prick of the movie.

He's like, you know, we could save the earth. We just need to somehow get. down to the core. And he's like, well, how do we do that asshole? And he's like, I might know someone. And of course, enter Del Rilindo as this kind of like excommunicated scientist who has come up with not one, but two of the most impossible, incredible inventions anyone's ever thought of. That he's, it's both of these inventions are his life's work and both inventions are crucial to the plan of burrowing to the center of the earth. He's working on both of them.

And Tucci waited it out for a little bit before you, the first thing out your mouth should have been this. Oh, I got a guy. Oh, you need to burrow to the center of the earth? Hey man, I got a guy. That's exactly what Stanley Tucci needs to say. Apparently, there's also some business about him and the Tuch used to be like scientist partners and Tucci

fucked him out of like I guess he took credit for some development or some such. They put the villain up to 11 with Tucci a little too much like not only does he have this wig and this cape coat and like this just a coat that he hasn't put his arms through. But he drapes

it like a cape coat. Yes. But he's also he's also since it's fucking it's you know actually this is a little dated. This actually happened a lot later than it should have but he's smoking all the time oh he certainly is man he certainly is and you know what he's missing that black plastic cigarette yeah oh he really is i think he probably had that and then john amiel was like let's just have you hold it that's a bit much i'm gonna mail this joke to 30 seconds ago vampire weekend's new single cape coat watch it's gonna happen it's gonna

I'd love it. That's a B-side. That's absolutely a B-side. So some, you know, in the, you know, we're a couple screenwriters, haven't eaten some pizza, you know, just like... Definitely eating some pizza while writing this movie. Well, the two... What are the two...

All right, look, I know that there's a million reasons we can't go burn instead of the earth. Let's boil down the two biggest ones and solve them somehow, all right? Well, one, how are you going to cut through all that shit? That's a real big one. And two, well, I mean, there's literally no substance on the space. of this earth or any parallel earth that would withstand going down there. But Del Rolinda's been working on both of those things.

And here is the thing with the science in this movie, right? This part of it. And I love this show. And I am a defender of this show every season of it. This part of this movie is an episode of Fringe. It's the redonculus alternate universe science that that show had, where it's just impossible. One of the things that, all right, so solving problem A, how do we dig down there?

Flashlight laser. All right, flashlight laser it is. And, all right, what's the other thing? The heat problem? Oh, I'm just going to say a bunch of bullshit, and then I froze it. And all of a sudden, it's this new metal compound that can withstand it all. That's all. Now let's get down to that fucking stuffed crust pizza.

I imagine this screenwriter meeting. it's like the big whiteboard and it's like they're expected to get a lot of different ideas on there but the first two are just good enough and they're like fuck it we're done man as long as we get in there we don't have to really think i mean ah wait how would you actually restart the core of the earth oh fuck it bomb it nooks maybe fuck it bomb it yeah that sounds right that yeah bomb the thing yeah let's do that so delirondos got both of them and that's it and then it's like let's bring them back to richard jenkins we've got our team now And I mean, this is literally 40 minutes in because it takes so, so, so long to get to where we need to go.

The first two set pieces were each, like, at least five minutes. Yeah. And they're big. And here's the thing with these, like with the Armageddon's and the deep impacts and the whatnot, there's always the one inciting incident before we figure out what the problem is. Yes. This movie has three of them before we're doing any kind of problem solving. And we're meeting all the characters. I mean, slowly.

Like, we spent a lot of time with Aaron Eckhart where I'm like, is this an ensemble movie? And I also had the weird, and it's just one of those things where you remember trailers wrong. I kind of remembered F. Murray Abraham being in this movie, so I was kind of always waiting for it. And then F. Murray Abraham shows me. I mean, between 1998 and 2004,

I kind of thought about that about most movies. I was just pretty sure. I mean, like, I didn't, you know, I didn't see the hurricane, but I was almost positive. F. Murray Abraham was one of the lawyers. is the got him out. It's entirely possible. It's completely plausible.

There's one little bit of nonsense. Before they meet Delroyland, I just want to touch on it really quick because it's totally useless. When Aaron Eckhart and the Toch are explaining to the government like, this is the situation. This is what we're dealing with. And he's like, he grabs a peach. And then he's like, does anybody have any air freshener?

I'm like, what the fuck are you talking? And then he explains everything. and this guy like this FBI agent goes to like find the air freshener and he's gone for 10 and he just continues talking explains everything and then he's the guy comes back like here's your air freshener mr. Eckhart and he's like oh perfect hey toch hold this the tucci like touches his nose and it's got it got it got it no it's going he's already at the lighter ready and they just do the old you know like spraying an aerosol can at a lighter and he burns this peach and he's like well there you you go and I'm like they all get it at this point they've already gotten they really don't just want to say the world ends or maybe get some facts

and figures out possibly yeah no no guys I need the fruit burning demonstration look there are a bunch of plebeian government you know military guys look we're in a movie called the core I have to use something with a pit it has to happen

here's a useless piece of trivia is that they couldn't find a peach that worked well so they cut an apple like cut an apple in half and then stuck a fake pit in it like you're making the core come on just come on use whatever peach that was there because you know what I guarantee you of the seven peaches you tested all seven were perfect for this terrible movie well that's that's the problem is it's perfectionism Andrew that's what really bogged this film down so we know who our team is you know we've got you know Hillary Swank and Bruce Greenwood superfluously are going to

at this thing, but Bruce Greenwood's going to make it through the whole movie. Don't worry everybody. Don't, you know what? It's fine. He's going to make it. He sure is. And, you know, you've got Aaron Eckhart also, by the way, creates this insane navigation system that is like infrared magic where it's like it knows exactly what this laser can cut through. And anything this laser can't cut through, it'll just be black. It's like this weird like inverted light thing. It's like how. How, how is anyone coming up with this? The graphics, the graphics on this thing

look like a fucking 1994 Doom CD-ROM. I mean, even in fucking deep impact, they have years to develop technology to prepare for the end of the world. Why would you make this timetable so cut in it close? Three months. In three months, the whole world will black out. You know what I mean?

It'll go back to the Stone Ages. So we really only have three months to make a spaceship that's going to go to the core. Single sales quarter to do this in. That's it. Because you know what? Once this federal auditor comes through, they're fuck. Oh my God, I forgot.

We're forgetting the most important member of the team, which is DJ Qualls as rat. Right. Because it's 2003 and, you know, we need a hacker. And it's a part of it. It's like you are foregoing so many logistical elements. that would be really necessary to make this movie real. Why do you have to be like, but what happens if the

information gets out? Well, we'll have the world's greatest computer hacker who's just this guy. But I mean, this is bullshit. He's a one-man NSA. Yes. He just, he is going to hack the world and he's going to control the internet for a couple months. Yeah, that's it. That's all it is. They don't want word getting out because they don't want mass hysteria about the world ending

which goes against every natural disaster thing like this ever you know everybody always knows the world's ending who cares well you know what he's doing he's hacking the planet he is he says you want me to hack the planet and you know he's like all right and he you know he gives Richard Jenkins shit because he's a suit but also likes Aaron Eckhart

because he's a gorgeous and B he's a cool dude he's the most fuckable dude in this cast I keep saying it and he's also he throw some sass to Tucci, like, he's, he Tucci. How many language do you speak? Five. And he's like, yeah, I only speak one.

Zero's and ones. He tells Stanley Tucci. Shut the fuck up screenplay. This is what I'm talking about with these snappy screenplays. He tells Stanley Tucci that all he needs is binary code to find out Stanley Tucci's sex fetishes. And what's amazing, though, is Tucci plays this totally right because the look on the character's faces. Oh, ma'am.

What skeletons are in this rock star scientist's closet? My walk-in sexual fetish closet. Mm-hmm. Oh, man, all those trips to Thailand. I'm so far. But, yeah, you know, he's just like, and he's like a hacker dude. So he's like, all I need is a bunch of hot pockets, which I love. Hot pockets and a collection of Zena Warrior Princess VHS tapes.

I'm like, what are you doing? Jerking off while you're doing this computer programming. Nobody needs it. Nobody needs it. Nope. Also, it's the fucking government. As for whatever the fuck you want in hot pockets and Zina. Because, dude, because you're not to trick's rabbit.

That's a joke, but that's the joke. Yeah, he doesn't care about money. All he needs is his little pewter box. Okay. And he needs hot pockets because he's a fucking 30 year old baby. That's it. So now we know who our team is. And now we're moving in fast motion to get to, it takes so long to get the fucking ground.

There's literally a high frame rate getting things done building montage in this. You need a couple of them. And my favorite shot of the movie is they're just walking in a field for no reason. And they look at the sky and Hillary Swank's like, team, we better check this out. I'm like, hey, what the fuck are you talking about? You have no time to do anything else. But this leads to the San Francisco montage, which is apparently... You know, part of what the core does is, you know, prove me wrong scientists, because I don't know shit about shit.

I'm just learning from the core, actually. It is, you know, which I've already stated is a movie taught in science classes to show what wrong science looks like. It deflects radiation from the sun. Right, it keeps us safe from solar flares. Yes, and a solar flare gets through and hits the fucking golden great bridge because it's a fucking monument. And it's a total bullshit Michael Bay scene, which is where following one guy's comedic sort of demise, and he's a guy you've seen in a billion commercials. But it's hilarious because, like, and this is going to happen later in this movie, is the solar flare is coming down and like everything around him is melting. And he's just like, it's getting hot in here.

Like, no, you're, you're melting too. You know what I mean? Like I was going through the roof in this scene because outside. tires are popping and melting the bridge is melting and this dude's in his car like this AC can't go any lower bummer not a beat

a sweat on this stand-up comedian's forehead again we're going to get to it within 20 to 30 minutes of this movie you're going to see nothing but grim death why all of a sudden am I in like this fucking you know this sketch in the middle this dude's getting hit with

like a direct ray of sunlight he needs to melt like a Nazi opening up a box That happens Every time a Nazi opens a box Oh my shoes in here No, Hyderick, oh no Hyderick open the box

By the way This is one of those deaths Where you don't even know What happened Yeah Like all the sudden Like a solar flare hits you You're just dead

You're just disintegrated Yeah, it's not like he looks up Like oh no A solar flare It takes off his hat Waves it out of stuff No It's just instant

instant death and one of the dumbest mistakes this movie gets wrong is uh there you know this happens and all of san francisco is fucking destroyed because thank god a lot of people are dying and they're watching from the command center hey richard jenkins is like oh no the whole west coast is without power and you know what they're doing they're watching news footage from the west from san francisco of people being loaded into stretches how are you getting cameras if the west coast is without power fucking movie man so so terrible and

Richard Jenkins finally one of the many reasons I love him to death is like you gotta get down there like yeah you better an hour ago get down there we take our spaceship which by the way looks like a throbbing erection oh it's a cocket it's a full on cocket

this thing is a beautiful dildo that King Kong would use it's just a huge huge dildo like and you know what we'll have some pictures up on the Facebook page I'm not just being a jerk the top of this thing has a penis

head yeah it just does it looks exactly like a huge shaft it's got segmented thing it's yeah so we go we launch right let's just get into it we're going down through the water and the laser beams cutting through everything this laser flashlight

that's at the tip of this thing just cutting through it by the way right before we burrow down into like the bottom of the ocean. There's a bunch of whales. Oh, yeah. And I guess, like, the signet, you know, the electromagnetic signature that this cocket is, is blowing off sounds like whale songs and Delro, like, someone's like, oh,

the whales are singing at us, and Delroy Lindo's like, no, we're singing to them. And I was like, just get to the core. It'd be great. If you just hits it, yo love. Take it me. Sing it with me, New York. Wales love Jackie Wilson. Or Howard Huntsbury, depending upon how many cuts you got.

They go nuts for Barry White. It'd be great if those whales started to try to fuck this dick. I thought that's what was going to happen. I honestly did. I thought a whale was going to get up, either like fuck it or fight it or fight it and then fuck it after it's defeated. Rub up against it a little bit. I mean, it does do that. Yeah.

I was like, oh, this is interesting. This didn't happen in Star Trek 4. Yeah, the whales were definitely flirting with the dick. I don't know if they did anything with it, but... But so then this fucking huge coquette burrows into a supple pink hole that this laser makes. Drills the world. It drills that we are drilling the world. This movie, the tagline for this movie should have been, go fuck yourself, planet Earth.

Because all it is is this is the planet getting fucked. Literally fucked by humanity. No, no, no. It's this summer get drilled. This summer, Aaron Eckhart and Hillary Swag get drilled, the core. Give the earth a good begging. This movie's terrible. We're going to the bottom of the earth for no good goddamn reason.

And it's just... We're using our Wolfenstein now. navigation system to dodge rocks or whatever. And we hit a geode, right? Whoops. Hank Schrader's like wet dream-sized geode this thing. So we have to get out and push. Essentially, we have to get out and push.

Do I. Lindo kicks a stagmite off the tip of this cock. And then Bruce Greenwood gets murdered. Yeah, I mean, we all get out. We all get out, like it's like, oh, let's stretch our legs outside. And in the center of the earth, because they have magic space suits, space suits made out of the same shit that the spaceship is made out of. And they're like, you know, they get out and they have to like move stuff around. And I guess, for some reason, Aaron Eckhart faints, I guess.

So here's what happens with that. So it's, uh, Delroy Lindo is using like this gun that's powered by air or some nonsense. And it breaks. And he's like, oh, no, there's no oxygen getting to this thing. Aaron Eckhart pulls the oxygen tube out of his suit and plugs it into the gun. And Delroy Lindo continues to cut. Who told you to stop cut? It continues to cut.

And Aaron Eckhart passes out. Also, by breaking through into this geode, what Stanley Tucci refers to as the geode Grand Canyon. So they break down into the geode Grand Canyon and then a bunch of lava starts dripping into it. And they're like, oh, well, we've ruined this and possibly made things totally worse down here. Better get back in the ship. And yeah, Delo really does kick of this G-O. to off the thing. And he finally

kicks it up and it goes off. And Bruce it's one of those great, like, movie deaths where it's like, hey, everything's great. It's like when that kid runs through the window and home at the end of the world, it's like, yeah. And then he just starts bleeding to death. I'm drinking with the adults. Smash.

It's that. Yeah. Sort of. He's like, hey, David, look at this. spins his dad's gun and gets shot in the chest. Here's the thing that is kind of what this death is in this movie. The planet assassinations Bruce Greenwood because he's like, all right, kids, time to go. And you just hear like a geode fragment has shot into his head. Yeah, it's just a little piece of it.

Bruce Greenwood gets assassinated with a pebble. I knew I shouldn't have gone to the center of the earth. He did play Kennedy. Yeah, 13 days. That's right. Kevin Costner's just out there trying to protect it. Oh, with that fucking accent. That movie's a bile of garbage.

It's based on a book by Bobby fucking Kennedy, but I guess Bobby Kennedy doesn't look like fat Kevin Costner. So Kevin Costner has to be, I'm your secret service best friend from the old neighborhood. Shut the fucking flying fuck up. Hey, uh, Jack. Thanks, Ferreira, giving me this job. It's just like the old days.

What a coincidence that I would be in the Secret Service when you're the president. Weird. Oh, that movie is, if you want to take a deep nap, put on 13 days. It's longer than this, which is just amazing. It's a real feat is what it is. And so Bruce Greenwood just goes, bloop, bloop in the lava. It's really hilarious. He just, like, pleasantly falls in the lava.

And, you know, there's no, like, let's try to save him at all because that's how super dead he is. Yeah, he's beyond dead. Del Rylindo's like, like, everyone else is like, oh, what happened? What happened? And Del Rylinda is like, you know what? Don't worry about it. We got to just keep going. Well, I mean, we're going to, I mean, now we're into it.

This entire movie is, okay, we've done this in three months. So there's a lot of mistakes on this, on this cock ship. Yeah, it's, it's Delroy Lindo being very apologetic. Like, well, sorry, I only had three months. I didn't think of this. Sorry. Hey, remember that three months? Couldn't think of that.

The reason that it stops this first time is Aaron Eckhart says, I didn't teach the navigation system to calculate empty space. Oh, right. They don't see the huge drop coming. He's like, if it's black, we can't cut through it. Which, by the way, movie, you have a, a giant flashlight laser it can cut through anything

that doesn't need to be a problem in this movie well this movie the problem the thing of this movie is it's and this is what the rest of the movie is specifically is we have a central problem which is holy shit the earth's core broke down and how do we fix it well iron heckard has a reason to fix it but

now at every turn there's going to be a new problem that Aaron Heckard has to fix which he does every single time and it's a blood sacrifice every time yeah yeah this fucking crew is going to get its hands dirty. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's 80% him doing math in his head and 20% picking which crew member is going to sacrifice themselves. Well, that's, like, if I was ever to be put in this situation where I was going to fucking, you know, the Armageddon meteor or whatever

the fuck, my first thought in the head is like, well, I'm dying. Yeah, I'm dead. I'm going up there and I'm going to die. Which is interesting. This movie does not have one of those scenes where they're like, all right. everybody, you realize this is a suicide mission. We've got to save the world. Like, there's none of that. It's, it just, we just get right into it. Other than Checky Cario being like, you know, I've got two daughters

and a wife at home. Like, that's the only personal shit. So you're dead need, do. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, like, the good thing about us never having to be in the situation, we have no like marketable skills that would ever be it's used to anyone. Guys, there's a huge asteroid that's going to hit Earth. And we

need four guys to go up in space and talk for it. 90 minutes in a comedic fashion and do cartoonish impressions of celebrities to thwart the meteor's path. Here's the positive thing about knowing about the unpopular Stone Rose's record. Oh my God, it's working. You did it, Chris. You crossed the streams. So Aaron Eckhart wakes up and they're like, well, we got good news and bad news.

Good news is we're moving again. He's like, oh, that's pretty good. He's like, yeah, and it's a little hotter in here. He's like, is that the bad news? He's like, oh, no, Bruce Greenwood's dead. Bruce Greenwood's dead and you're kind of responsible is the underlying thing. It's like, he got out to kind of save you because you fell over. You know, this is why on Star Trek, the captain isn't supposed to go off the ship with the away team.

It's got to be Riker. It's got to be Spock, whatever. Kirk and Picard are supposed to stand the ship for a reason. Bruce Greenwood getting assassinated by a rock shard is that very reason. And so, you know, he's bummed out about it. And then the next problem comes up, which is checking carry-offs, like, looking up the nuclear codes in the nuclear room, whatever. It's down at the back end of the bottom of the shaft. Right where the balls might be.

And right near the vest. Oh, no, I only had three months to help design this spaceship and I forgot to put the balls on. I better take a left at the Vans de Friends. So he's doing this thing and then for some reason I guess the pressure starts to crush the room and it's like oh shit

and Chequiccario gets Del Rolinda and Aaron Eckhart out of the room and he's like, yeah my friends take these nuclear codes I will survive and like that you know of course the door has got like a locking mechanism like an airlock because you know obviously if there's a pressure leak there's a big problem

for this impossible. space ship in the center of the earth. Right. We're hanging on by a thread as it is. There's a lot of event horizon magic here going on. And it's a close. And Czechic Cario is very much like, goodbye, my friend. And like, this is when Aaron Eckhart starts to lose his ever-loven shit.

Oh, my God. If the MTV Movie Awards gave out a shitty popcorn trophy for Best Temper Tantrum, the winner that year is Aaron Eckhart for the core. I believe it would be Best Tizzy. because he's just like, no, oh, no, oh, come on, open the door. And he's like yelling it. He's yelling to Hillary Swank. And he's like, come on, Beck, open the door.

Open the goddamn door. I'm yelling. Open the door. And she does it. And he yells for four minutes. And then Chickie Carey out hilariously just kind of gets like swished to death. It looks like, I said before we record it, it looks like Jonathan Price's apartment in Brazil towards the end of it.

Yeah. Oh, there's more things in here. Oh, no, there's more things here. It's a Python bit. Like, I'm picturing John Cleese, like, standing in a room. And he's like, well, that box wasn't there before. And it's like every time you cut back, John Cleese has another box in his apartment. And on the little screen, it kind of looks like one of, like, the mystery science theater rooms.

Yeah, yeah, it does. It's really, yeah, TV's Frank is getting crushed to death. And Gypsy can't do anything about it. God. Oh, that. vacuum cleaner puppy. It's one of the dumbest things humanity's created.

And so he's like, oh God, and he dies, right? And fucking Aaron Eckhart is not having it. And it's really Monday morning quarterback. He runs into fucking the top of the spaceship and he's like,

come on, Beck, what's your problem? Why didn't you open the door? I was yelling for you. Yelling so much. I was right there. I could have gild him. And the award for Best Tizzy goes to this. Take it and look at it.

I was two inches from him. I was two inches, and I told you to put the door up, and you didn't. I was screaming for you. Why didn't you do it? Because I had to make that decision. Fate or God? No! Damn it, you leave God out of this.

Oh, my God. It's shut so much. Such a tizzy. It goes on and on and on and on. This movie is two hours and 14 minutes, and this is kind of one of the reasons. Because Hillary Swink says, what did you want me to do like four times? And his answer is, I was right there. And it's like, he's saying, like, well, how can you be so, like, flippant about this?

It's like, because we're trying to save the world. And if I did what you wanted me to do. do, we'd all die. Yep. Yep. So I, you know, like my dead mentor, Bruce Greenwood told me at the beginning of this adventure, I have to make the tough decisions,

right? He's like, you don't become a leader until you know what it's like to lose. Yeah. You know, so, and here it is. Here's her making the right decisions and him being a fat, handsome baby. So, at this point, so the clock's running out and

also for no good reason, DJ Qualls Rat is in the command center Which makes absolutely no sense Where you know you're you're working from home with this You know the government's gonna set you up at like a safe house or something A bunch of supercomputers you don't need to be at NASA with everybody else You're giving this guy clearance codes really

Yeah exactly Well I mean I guess you need a Billy Bob Thornt Because Richard Jenkins obviously does not give his shit Well Richard Jenkins I don't understand Richard Jenkins's role in all of this He's supposed to be a general of some kind, but he knows nothing about the problem. Like, it's, there's, we keep saying NASA, but like, NASA's not involved in this. It's just the military.

It's a military command center. But Richard Jenkins keeps having to be like, hey, so how's everything going? And Alfred Woodard's like, it's fine. Go sit in the corner. And if I need to, you know, launch a rocket at Syria, I'll do that. I'll ask you about that. It's weird because they actually do the exact opposite of what they do in Armaged. In Armageddon, on the Rock, there's like three different storylines going on.

And there's just Billy Bob Thornton back at the base. Right. In this, there's three people back at the base, and there's just this one little cramped area where all the heroes are. It's kind of a chamber drama, honestly. It is. And this is when secrets come home to roost in this chamber drama, which is apparently Stanley Tucci was part of something called the Destiny Project, which was like trying to make a, I don't even. Try to weaponize earthquakes.

That's kind of what I gleaned from this as well. Which is what caused to put Aaron Eckhart's genius into words here, put the wrench inside the engine that is the core. And Stanley Tucci's advice is like, oh, you know, now for some reason we should just do the destiny project again and we'll redo it and it'll be fine. It's also a funny thing where they explain like what the destiny project is and everybody is like, hey Richard, Jenkins, why on earth would you create this weapon? And his response is like, well, we discovered how to do it and then we had to build it before someone else built it. I'm like, oh, America. God damn it. We're our own undoing. We're all just mustachioed Richard Jenkinson's here. Yeah. And you know, the thing about it is this movie, like that all comes to light, right? And there's

no consequence to it. Like, no. Well, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, spoiling the watchman ending. Yeah, Andrew. Because it ends on everything coming to life. We don't know what's going to happen. Oh, yeah, you're right. Now you just reminded me how bad that movie is. Yeah.

It was referring to the graphic novel. So, but, you know, because they, oh, they find out that the core is of a different density because they were just guessing. And look, Dale Roy Lindo keeps reminding us. There was only three months. So he's like. so many calculations you can do in 90 days. So they're like, okay, uh, that's, plan B is the destiny

project. And, uh, and Akron's like, no, plan C is we keep going and figure it out. We just figure it out on the way. We wing it, baby. Well, because this whole movie, he's just doing a bunch of silent math in his head. So he's like, listen, just let this noodle keep going

man. Something's going to vomit out of my mouth at some point. Just keep digging. We've got like two other people who can die before I die. Yeah, exactly. Don't worry about this. I got this. He's like, it's either me or Hillary Swank.

It's going to be last in this movie. Hopefully both of us. I'm a bugger. And, you know, but yeah, so I think I'm fine. And so basically, in tandem of they're trying to do the Destiny Project upstairs and DJ Qualls has all sorts of hacking dramas where he's crying while hacking.

I was just going to say, crying while hacking is one of my, in three years, one of my most favorite notes. I've ever written crying while hacking. He's hacking so hard, he's burst into tears. The whole thing is like, they're like, listen, we're going to do this. He's like, you can try to launch off your thing, but fuck you, says Richard Jenkins.

Like, we're doing it. We're launching it. And Tucci, you know, wants to turn around because he's like the coward of the movie. And so DJ Qualls like sends a text message, like an encrypted text message to Aaron Eckhart. And he's like, hey, I heard about that. this destiny situation. How can I help? And Aaron Eckhart's like

L-O-L, stall them. Also, you're not a character in this movie, but thanks anyway. This is how they try to, you know, speaking of, wrenches in the machine, try to throw him in here. It's like he's trying to hack into the government thing, and he keeps getting denied, and he's just denied

so many times he starts crying. It's amazing. It's really good. It's like, he keeps trying out for the football team. It doesn't work out for him. But it's like he can't be upset that he knows these people are going to die because he met them like what once for 15 minutes and he he has no interest in any of this he's just a guy that wants fucking hot pockets as far as i can tell and zina jerk tapes that's all he wants and to play pong on his

computer yeah he's playing a little bit of pong there that's funny so they roll the death dice and delroy lindo's number comes up right and it's what this is my favorite are you kidding me science of the movie and there's a lot of them and so basically something something we need to start separating the ship but the only way to do it is to do it manually obviously it's always that

you know what if there was four months we would have had a computer automation to separate but we got to do it manual man only 90 days and apparently while having to do this operation they say it's going to be 9000 degrees

9000 degrees It can't exist. It's hotter as hot as the sun, which is great. But the funny thing is, they're like, well, Delaware and Linda, what are these suits? How much of these suits withstand? He's like, well, half that. So let's just, here it is. It's 9,000 degrees in this room.

It's 4,500 degrees is what this suit can withstand. And he goes in there and starts to do this thing manually. And he's just like, oh, it's really hot, getting hot here. Like, no, no, no, no. it's still 4,500 degrees hotter than your suit is allowing. You're not walking in there. You're dead. They bore rising.

I was like, how did they open the door? How did any of this take place? How is it on the ship? It's inside the ship. I don't, I don't get it. I don't get it. It's not, if all I could lift, if all I could bench press is 100 pounds, and then you put another 100 pounds on that, I'm dead immediately.

Because my boss, you know what I mean? It's not like, oh, it's really, really heavy. No, no, no. The maximum I can withstand is the one thing. And now you're doubling it. By the way, both Delroy Lindo's death and especially Chequic Cario's death are caused because Hillary Swank crashes into a bunch of diamonds. Like, she's like, oh, hang on, fellas.

Apparently, this laser that can cut into the core of the earth can't cut through. diamonds and I know they're supposed to be like the hardest material ever or whatnot but like shut up but just shut up yeah just just shut up how about that? We're in an unobtainium ship get over it

you're burrowing to the center of the earth in a cock made out of something called unobtainium and one of the rooms that your dick is 9,000 degrees hot and you have nukes on board Oh, of course. We have to have nukes on board.

So, Delroa Lido's dead by the power of fucking reason. And they don't, unfortunately, he just kind of like, his, he's like, oh, it's so hot. Oh, my heart came out. No, no, no. You're a puddle of Delroy Lindo goo. That is some, that is some Delroy Lindo gumbo. It's like speaking of some spicy bam gumbo. It's like when they drink the liquor in street trash.

just a puddle he had to be yeah he's frosty at the end of that thing he's just a hat and a fucking corn cow pipe like that is it what's amazing though is the way the movie decides to do it is he breaks down like piecemeal so he's walking in this thing

walking in 9000 degrees mopping his brow the fucking first of all all the yeah the second the door opened First, all the ice and his lemonade glass melts. And then, like, his little headlights on his helmet burn out. And he's like, oh, all right.

His glasses fog up. Then his glasses fog up and shatter. 9,000 degrees. Why not a million? 9,000 degrees. Who would? be, you know, it's 2003, I would love it if they played smash mouth

in this song. You might as well be walking on the song. Hey, can I get a little of music in here? And Hillary Swick just turns it on. It ain't no joke. And he's just melting. I always wanted to die out listening to an ironic song.

Thank you very much. I wouldn't wish it was two weeks. What I love to is when he does the thing, which again just kind of involved him kicking something or twisting a what-not pump in the manual such and such she's like she's like all right delroy lindo turn around like we can get you out of there and he goes turn around that nine thousand degree room if you can dude if this if a movie ever needed a john carroll lynch esk melting yes oh yeah this absolutely that it's just like a magical whiteout like a second

door opens bringing in more heat yeah and And a whiteout just vaporized. He's just, so I guess that only happens at, what, 10,000 degrees? That's instant vaporization, but 9,000 is just like, wha, pat my forehead through this space suit. I should have wore shorts today. What was I thinking wearing jeans on this mission? Black t-shirt? I really.

9,000 degrees. Oh man So he's dead So yeah he's dead And now it's Stanley Tucci Started to die Because we're getting a little closer to the core This episode is just a checklist

Of hilarious deaths It's a really good one And you know For some reason I don't know how they expected To move the nuclear bombs But like now they have to do it by hand And it's just you know

It's Aaron Eckhart and Stanley Tucci You kind of wanted Delroy Lindo still around To help you move around those nuclear bombs Yeah you want a bigger dude with a little more upper body strength because that's exactly what happens is one of them it tips over and pins Aaron Eckhart against a wall and he's like come constantly to just lift it off me just how I'm pushing you have to pull and he's like I can't

it's one of those things where he like he like he like puts his hand and he's like can't too late got to go he's like oh it's hot and heavy yeah I can't oh I tried so hard oh I'm sorry I'm sorry I have to do this I got to go bye sorry I'm sorry I try I tried. I tried. I really did. And then Hillary Swank, I think, runs into it, runs a foul of a diamond the size of Cape God, which is a lot in this movie, and, like, jerks right, and the nuclear weapon goes off. It does. And rolls over fucking Stanley Tucci's foot. He's like, Philiottado.

He's like, ow! Stanley Tucci gets run over by a nuke in a fucking upstate New York gas station parking lot Some grandkids are like, oh shit This is my favorite part of that whole scene That whole series Seriously And he's just like

Ow and it's tied my foot And they're like, Aaron Harker's like yeah I got nothing man And this is like Stanley Tucci by the way has already before Delroy Lindo goes in the 9,000-degree room. And he's like, hey, by the way, sorry, I stole that shit from you and made millions off your idea. Bye.

Yeah, so he's redeemed. And he also comes up with the idea of how to fix the nuclear thing, which has got something to do with like, well, if we do it in just the right order, it's like a verb rate. Yeah, it's like a ripple effect thing. So they're like, instead of launching off all the payload at the same time, you do one here, let the shockwave go, launch another one and then the wave will build

up. And it's lucky that this dick is segmented in such a way because that's just, why did we think of that? Well, because we're in the, I don't know if we said it, we're in the core at this point. We're in the core. We're in the core and it looks like the alternate universe in Pacific Rim. Yeah, it's that monster

universe. It's just kind of like a bunch of stuff, like lights going on. Well, that's, I was really hoping for some monsters, like some last minute monsters. That was the thing. I had never seen this movie and I on I mean like I said I thought it came out in the 90s like I totally missed this movie and I was like what do you have we got some monsters yeah like like you know skyward sword flying dragon and let me tell you something that would have made it kind of cool

absolutely there's a lizard people world yeah like it starts off like an armageddon type movie yeah and then all of a sudden it's a Pacific rim type movie like an event horizon like there's something down here maybe the things extended family live down there that's where the thing vacations when he wants to get away from the really cold weather he goes to the center of the earth

maybe there's a bunch of Daleks down there exterminate Eckhart no he's too handsome negate extermination and so Stanley Titch is like well this is on my foot I'm dead now and well this is on my foot

now so I'm just going to smoke this one last cigarette and then you can shove me off. He smokes a cigarette and then he's like, one of his like annoying things is like he has a little, he's like writing a book or something and he's like recording into a recorder. He's got a little tape recorder. He's making notes. Monologuing about stuff and he's doing it

and as he's going into the core of the earth, he realizes how ridiculous it is and starts laughing. It's actually, it's probably I got a total legitimate laugh because he's doing it and he's like fading into the heated core i think back to my boyhood days on the vineyard or like whatever horse shit thing it is

and he stops and he just goes what the fuck am i doing yeah it's so funny it's so that line so lands it's a real stanley tucci winner and then it's you and then it's like we rack focus to this nuke count down he has like four seconds to live and he just explodes it's great you think that uh wig is making it like it's just everything else is gone but stanley Tucci's wig is in the core of the earth. All of these nukes didn't really cut it, but somehow the jump starts happening. We can't explain it, but the world is saved. And then it's like camera effect back down to the core.

And you see the core spinning. And there's just this like little silver dot. And you're like, what is it? It gets closer to the core. And it's just the wig is caught on like this crack. And it's like keeping it all together. I'd love it. Like the sideburns are still visible.

It would be awesome. And, I mean, now we fix the core. I mean, I don't know. I mean, now the whole thing is the end of Pacific Rim. Like, we just got to get back up, you know. Well, they have to eject their nuclear, they realize that they don't have enough nuclear, whatever nuclear bombs. Like, well, what else could we do? Well, let's start.

Let's eject the warp core. So that's what they do. Pretty much. They have their nuclear reactor that gives them all their power. He, Aaron Eckhart, hauls the core. Yeah, he does. engine core up the stairs while it burns his hands and there's there's a bullshit thing here it's only 800 it was I'm sorry it was only 5500 degrees in that room so it wasn't so bad it was no

that was a walk in the park yeah I mean he did it was probably like 300 he could withstand and this was just but he's real like he's really like breaking balls like pulling this thing up the stairs and you just hear the whole time like the sizzle and then like he does it and Hillary Swank's like you know you did it good job everything's fine it worked and he's like take my gloves off and you have that line right and he says it

like weakened and kind of cryptically I'm expecting she pulls this glove off and it's just his hand is like cut in half yeah you know like both of his hands like just fall on the floor cooked roast beef or something it's just a bunch of au jus sauce is everywhere

two hoagies on his It's when they like lime you in Fight Club But I mean he's just got like some Burns that he puts some bandages On it's fine Ooh that coffee was too how to burn myself It was like I burned my thumb on a lighter last week

Yes that's what happened It's all raw and they're like oh we're fucked And then all of a sudden they're like oh we could ride the shockwaves back to the top of the earth Again it's more mental math Like if there was ever a need for some beautiful mind-esque like numbers graphics you know where he's just seeing all

this shit like it's stupid but at least it's something because the two of them sitting there and like they've you know accepted their death and then he's like wait a second yeah it should have been like a good beautiful mind sweep of all the numbers

yeah exactly looking at the big board yeah I mean an animated physics equation isn't the most exciting thing but at least it's something other than just staring at that ruggedly handsome face, which only gets you so far. And Aaron Eckhart. Swish. She's a good-looking woman.

That's great. So they pull out of the core. Well, the funny thing is, because it takes them literally three days to get down to the core. And the screened out is like, I don't know, I don't want to do another whole three more days. I'm like, well, my pizza's getting cold. Come on.

Hey, come on. Well, they ride the nuclear blast. They'll get back in like, I don't know, four hours, that better? Yeah, that's all right. Why is all the writers in this writer's room played by Fred Stoller? Ah, come on. Hey, it's fun. Yeah, but we've got to make it realistic, so they lose power at the other end.

How about that? Well, that's what's ridiculous is he's like, we were riding this heat wave. Riding the heat wave. It's a heat wave. Riding this heat wave, right? And he's like, well, now we're back on the bottom of the ocean. It's cold as fuck. We're stuck down here.

We got no communication. What could possibly save us? Back pocket. What do you got back there? What do you got back there? Fred Stoller screen right there. Oh, that thing about the whales. Remember that one?

Oh, shit, the whales. That's right. Oh, hey, I got to call my moth. Tell her, I solve the problem with the whales. Well, Navy ships looks for whales. Maybe we should use that hacker character that didn't have a lot to do. Maybe he'll fix it all. This is the biggest pile of horseshit in the whole thing.

So they're like, all right, let's go out on this battleship and look for them. We think they might be somewhere. Let's bring DJ Qualls along because he's the hacker. That's the bullshit part I'm talking about. You're not bringing the hacker with you. This guy does not have the clearance for that. That guy's in the middle of the fucking the Herculees Ark in Xena. You can't ask him to go away from that.

He's mid-jerk in Zena season three. And at this point, what's his face? Richard Jenkins, I mean, like, knows that, by the way, after all of the tears, DJ Qualls was able to stop the evil other machine from doing what it was. It was hacked. And Richard Jenkins has this sly look of like, I don't know about you, but I guess the word. world is saved, but why would you bring like, oh, that guy's not trustworthy, so that's it. It's like, here's the thing.

The world is saved, like the job's done. They know it's done. Thank you very much. They don't know where, you know, Aaron Eckhart and the cock ship is, but they know that the job is done. Yeah. Richard Jenkins, you as the crooked military general, also have your suspicions that DJ

Qualls fucked with your destiny project. This is where you realize, okay, I don't need him anymore. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the earth is fine. Shoot him in the head. Not even shoot, just jail. Just put him in military jail.

I'll meet, I'll meet you both halfway. He gets wag the dog at the end. It's just like a fucking injection heart attack. Well, because that's where the genius of Michael Bay really would have helped out. Because he's like, that's a plot point. I could play with that. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, let me put him in jail.

He dies, something like that. The guy's got to do something. Best case scenario, he never sees the sun again. Yeah, exactly. You know what I'm saying? Like, no, instead I'm going to bring him along on this trip, even though I'm pretty confident he sabotaged the plan that I decreed as a general had to happen. That cost at least $2 billion.

Oh, yeah. Easily $2 million. And he has all of the country's biggest secrets, whatever. And so he realizes that the whale song, oh my God. And he screams out, oh, my God, it's the whales. He's just yelling and dancing on this fucking aircraft carrier. He's probably crying a little bit. Oh, there's definitely some hacker tears.

He's the weepiest hacker I've ever seen. He's crying about hacking. He's crying about whales. He's a hacker. He's jumping around a lot. You think those jeans are probably going down a little bit with each jump. Yeah. And eventually it's just boxers.

And so they find them. And that's the end. And they're like, oh, Hillary Swank has this moment of like, it's a shame. No one will ever know with Chequic Cario, Stanley Tucci, or Delroy Lindo, or Bruce Green, what it did to save the world. And Aaron Air Card's like,

you think. Cut to DJ Qualls dressed up as the lead singer From New Radicals Fucking, you get what you give When you work for a secret government mission My favorite part of the seat He's at a place called Cyber Cafe

Yeah He walks in, he puts down A folder with government secret On the cover Yeah, totally A bunch of skull and crossbones Classified folder And he hits a

he hits an icon called unsung heroes dot doc and double clicks it and he uploads it to the world and like the last five minutes of this three hour piece of shit is like all of these like news reports are coming in that the world almost ended like a this would be immediately debunked it's easy to be like oh that was that's fucking fan fiction that's a lie that was that was some slash fiction unobtainan what are you talking about That's not a real thing at all. That's clearly bullshit. What craft could ever withstand the Earth's core? Some fact checker at CNN's reading it.

He's like, 9,000 degrees. Get the fuck out of here. I'll get our science guy in here. You don't need the science guy. 9,000 degrees. Did you read it? The intern figured out this was horseshit. Hey, mailroom guy.

Yeah. What do you think about 9,000 degrees? No, probably not. Crinkles it up and throws it in the garbage And here's a little loose end Because this movie's actually almost smart enough Where nobody else has family So it would make sense like when these people die

Or no family we know of When they die like nobody's gonna miss them What about Chequicario's wife and daughter? And daughters? Like aren't they like hey what What happened to dad? Like where did he go? You know what?

I seriously think it's Richard Jenkins Putting a fucking two in the head He would have to, right? Like, yeah. Just make him disappear, man. That's what it is. I'm going out for some cigarettes. I'll see you later.

Or they're like, or like he sticks somewhere like manning a sphere station. Sphere. Stay tuned. Stay tuned for a conversation about a totally watchable movie. I really like that. But also, by the way, you know what this movie needs to end on? And I can't think of the movie right now that does it, but maybe it'll jogging memories. This movie, because of the nature of the hack ending, the hacker ending, it needs to end with a Moby song.

Yeah, oh, absolutely. Right? Well, the born identity. That's what I'm thinking of is that Moby's song that ends those things. Instead, we get Jared Lito's 30 seconds to Mawes. Oh, I believe Gone in 60 Seconds also had a Moby. Oh, does it? I'm almost positive.

Speaking of to stay tuned. But that band is 10. terrible. He's to... I hate Jared Lotto. Yeah. I don't care. I don't hate him. I don't hate him. But I'll tell you what. You want to pull your hair out. You watch that Chapter 27 where he portrays Mark David Chapman. You can have that. And Lindsay

Lowhands a something something. Yeah. That's great. O'Fa. That Mr. Nobody. I keep it. Mr. No. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a bad flick. It's so fucking stupid. That was a movie where it was like getting tons of praise. And I was like, this seems impossible it's a movie that stars jared letto and he's fronting it jared lito presents a jared letto film starring jared letto written by jared letto soundtrack by 30 seconds tomorrow and jared leto

would anybody recommend the core man uh not really it's it's it's it's it's a pretty strong no because it's a bunch of bullshit it's a really kind of a painful watch it's it's that runtime man if we can if we can get to the core within 20 minutes which is totally doable from a movie standpoint if we could all just get our shoes on you know get ready come on i'll tell you what if this movie was like a 1960s hollywood sea movie like the plot totally is first of all the movie would only be about 70 minutes anyway so like you would it's it's feasible you can get to the core in 20 minutes you know you even start on it because it's such bullshit i would rather start on it and not know, you know, oh, is it the future? Is it not the future? Sure, why not? It's a, no, it's a big no.

It's a no for me too. Because it is like, if, like think of something like contagion, where they splinter the plot so much because it is a worldwide epidemic. Yeah. And after the first few set pieces, you're literally like two rooms. You're either in the ship or you're in the military base. Yeah, you're totally right.

It's boring as shit. It's just one office or another. And then the core just looks like a bunch of white shit floating around. Like, it just, it's, it's not anything. And yet two hours and 15 minutes of my life. It's unbelievable. Like, there were several times where I paused it to go to the bathroom or something. And I was like, how?

How is there still like 38 minutes left in this movie? I would not recommend it either. I would totally not recommend it. There are so much better examples of, like, sci-fi, like, wacky sci-fi that knows that it's wacky and it's not taking itself seriously or honestly, fucking Michael Bay movies. They're totally... It's fine. The more watch. We watch

a goddamn Independence Day. I don't know. I don't know if there's a disaster movie I like less than this. I honestly don't. Maybe deep impact, but it's really... It's even worse than deep impact. Because deep impact at least is like trying somebody like, let's see the emotional

deep impact. This is like you get nothing. You get literally nothing. And because it's this movie's decision to have the characters be like, listen, nobody can know about this. Yeah. So there's that's why we're in two rooms. Because it's only people in two rooms that know what's going

on. Because of the making the Steve Sadock money. Yeah, oh, the thing with the money. Yeah. The thing of the fingers means the money. That's the core from 2003 directed by John A.miel. If you want more information about

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