We Hate Movies - S4 Ep145: Hard Target

Episode Date: February 18, 2014

In this week's episode, the gang heads down to the Big Easy with JCVD and Wilford Brimley in the 1993 action pseudo-classic, Hard Target! What is going on with all these accents? Is Lance Henriksen the Devil? And can everyone agree to stop saying "Daddy"? Plus: Wilford insists on doing all of his own stunts. Hard Target stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Lance Henriksen, Yancy Butler, Arnold Vosloo and Wilford Brimley; directed by John Woo. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Juppin. Steven Sadek. Chris Gavin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in this week. It's our third week of our.

listener request month. And this week's request comes to us from Brett in Wisconsin who had this to say. Hey guys, this is Brett in Wisconsin. You should do 1993's hard target because it features Sean Claude Van Dam and Wilford Brindley attempting to do a Cajun accent. And really, I'm surprised you haven't done it already. Thanks. And by the way, thank you, Brett, 18 seconds. That is a phone call i want to take in and out quick but he just is so like disappointed in us like oh i'm just surprised you know i got to do this for you but i i guess like yeah it's fucking hard target man like well you know what i am db is goodbye well i mean you know here's the thing there's like what a million movies you know i mean like this this shows on episode 140

whatever i i mean i was going i thought you were going to say there's what a million john claude van damn movies, which is accurate. There's also that... What is that thing... By the way, let's get this out of the way. 1993's Hard Target directed by John Wu. It is his American debut. The question I had, by the way,

speaking of Hard Target, or speaking of Jean-Claude, is what is that movie that he's coming out with, where it's like a comedy send-up of his persona? Are you talking about JCVD that came out? No, no, no, no. There's a new thing, like a trailer just dropped

and it's like him in a comedy. it's him doing comedy that's bizarre yeah that's very strange i know i don't know that i know that he had welcome he had like yeah this is i mean this is his life he's had two mo it's fucking february he had two movies come out already wait what was he in he was in welcome to the jungle which he does with uh that's what i'm talking about that okay i mean he's fighting people in that movie but it's like silly on everything yeah he's fighting people he's fighting people what he was like a charlie Chaplin for all or something. Yeah, Tim, he's like

like city lights. Yeah, he's a little... Running around with a flower or some shit. Yeah, he's a little poor guy and he makes friends with a little kid and, you know, they got a little dog and they live on the streets. And then there's another one.

There's like enemies behind. You know, one of those fucking movies. What enemies behind? I don't know what's going on there, but you know what I do know what's going on? This movie is fantastic, this hard target. It's great. It's everything I want in the 1990s action.

movie it's kind of a secret gambit movie for me which i'm excited about just a big fat creole action movie it's awesome and you know we'll go through the movie and whatnot but you're right i mean it is the quintessential night like early 90s action right down to the slide guitar fart rock score man i mean but it's it's not just the slide guitar they have the saxophone there too and they switch it right like the perfect timing they know everything they every every brush stroke of this movie is silliness perfected and there's just that tendril

mullet he's got in this movie like it's just he's got a jerry curl the whole way and it's just not a good look for anybody no he looks ridiculous he looks like he should be playing a saxophone in something yeah I mean it's a good like what I would say seven inch

mullet like a good like at least a good seven inches from where your fucking hair should stop and it looks like it's like you said it's like tendrils it looks like one of the alien face hugger. It does. I imagine because of all like the neck swings and like high kicks he had to do, like he had band-aids

all over the back of his neck because he probably kept cutting himself on those sharp tendrils. It's one of the, like you said it's like a jerry curl, but like on him, it just makes it look like he's sweating constantly. Yes, it does. He looks like a really hot person. Like when he's introduced in this movie, first of all, we're introduced to him from behind.

So the first thing you see is the mullet, which is a fantastic choice, Mr. I applaud you for that And it's like this pushing Like right up to the mullet It's like the movie is telling you Like pay attention to this mullet Take this the fuck in America

Oh yeah dude Right in just soak it all up But we have the the prolog Where you don't know what's going on Or why it's happening And like it's just some guy being chased You're like oh is this the mafia Is it drugs

And then you kind of gradually Oh it's there's an arrow And then I'm like ooh is arrow gonna show up? Like, when's Arrow coming? And it's just, oh, they're doing the most dangerous game. You're like, oh, you just, you put away mafia, put away running man, it's like the most dangerous game.

Yeah, and this is like, it's one of my favorite genres because it could kind of come up whenever it wants to. Yeah. Like on the outset, you're like, oh, it's a John Claude Van Damme movie, that's fantastic. And then you're like, oh, wait a second, hunting humans for sport, eh?

Perfect. Well, that's the twist. And I do think this is the quintessential John Claude Van Damme movie because you could have gone with mafia because every other one of his movies he's against the mafia. Or the vague drug trade as we have. There's maybe a serial killer, possibly,

who also has a gang. What's the dude's deal in sudden death? I think it's terrorists. Yeah, that's a fake die hard. A vice president, I think, is getting assassinating, perhaps. At a hockey game. At a hockey game. God, that movie's great. I don't think anyone higher than

Senator's been to a hockey game in about 20 years. No, Joe Biden's been to a fucking hockey game. Yeah, that's true. He's been to some minor league hockey games. But it's awesome. So we open up and yeah, this dude's being chased, he's totally a not Chris Christopherson, by the way.

He kind of like mankind to me. Oh, really? Yeah, he kind of has a little bit of a McFaulie going on. It's the writer, though, who plays it. Oh, is it really? It is. It's the writer. I looked it up. Oh, that's great. That's, that's a fun thing for that guy, isn't it? This is a weird script, by the way.

This guy is an odd dude because of the choices he has made. Well, that's, it's, it was also the same thing in Pray for Death. Like, the writer of that movie is the villain. And there's some weird shit going on. And that dude's character is perpetrating the weird shit. At least this guy gets murdered in the first five minutes. And that one, it was, yeah, like, you really want to say this? And you want it on film, right?

You're the writer. You got yourself, like, you're the one raping that woman who's sleeping. and trying to kill kids and whatever else. Whatever, buddy. It's not an instructional video. Like, people are going to pay to watch this. You know, this is not good. This is not good.

So, yeah, I mean, basically, you don't know what's going on. This hobos running down the street. They're just shucking arrows at him. And they're doing the effect that's kind of from Robin Hood men in tights where it's like we're following the arrow. And it's like arrow cam. That's never looked good. No, it doesn't look good.

Nobody wants. Nobody wants to stay with an arrow. No, because you know what's more intense and shocking is like when an arrow just shows up somewhere. Like in that your next movie, which I think is totally fantastic, there's so many surprise arrows in that. I'm not following every single arrow. There's not a like, like, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shish, shish, shish, shh. That's so dumb, and I don't know why they thought it was cool. So it's like Lance Henriksen goes to this guy who's got the crossbow. this kind of super crossbow that you get on American Gladiators

and it's like, if he makes it to the river, you die too or something like that. It's just kind of like, or you lose the game. It's like, yeah, like he wins and we don't want that to happen. By the way, a word to anyone out there who may find themselves in this situation, do not piss off Lance Henriksen. He's the devil himself in this movie. I mean, he's Beelzebub.

It's insane. Mephistopheles himself shows up. It's crazy. He's more demonic than, uh, What's, yeah, then West Bentley and Peter Fonda and Ghost Rider. Like, he belongs fucking with Ghost Rider. Like, he could shove Ghost Rider. He'd give him a hard shove.

Ghost Rider would be like, whoa. Maybe I'll take today off. Lance Hendrickson just shoved. How is Lance Hendrickson not in either of those Ghost Rider movies? That's a big mistake. What a flub, Nicholas Cage. He's got to be in the background somewhere. I mean, he's in every fucking movie.

You know what I was bumming on? I'm a big fan of that NBC show Hannibal. And there's an episode where Lance Henriksen rolls up. And I'm like, nice. Lance Henrickson on Hannibal, one episode. Yeah, he gets, yeah, it's just, and I'm like, oh, is he the season villain? Is it, you know, Uncle Hannibal or something? It was the same thing when Molly Shannon showed up.

And I was like, cool, Molly Shannon's a, oh, she's shot in the face. Never mind. Forget it. Thanks, Hannibal. You do spend a little bit of time with Eddie Isard. It is not quite good American accent, though. No, it's not great. I still am a total supporter of that show and excited for that to come back. So this guy, he gets like 10 bullets in the back, like four arrows in his body, and he even falls in a river.

And Arnold Vuslu, who is amazing in this movie, closes this guy's eyes with his boot. When I was watching this movie, I was like, I've never seen that happen before. And he scraped like dog shit on his forehead while he's doing it. Ronald Voslu intentionally stepped in a pile of dog shit while they were chasing him through the park just so he could smear it on this dude's dead face. Yeah, I mean, that is the shot you miss, like him having like the little poodle with him and like the poodle, he's just like, go tinkles. Go tinkles. Will you do this? I have to catch up to this contestant. I have to put my foot in it.

There's a whole, it's a thing here. I made you eat a whole Domino's pizza. Come on. I mean, there really is nothing greater in, in action cinema than why. Watching someone, like a man being hunted while Fart Rock plays. And it's just like this blissful first 10 minutes of this movie is poor sucker getting hunted. Down some steamy wet streets as always. It's always just like monsooned before an action movie starts.

It's like, oh, you're lucky you weren't here last week. It was a disaster. Yeah, it's like it's a monsoon. And it's also been like really hot. So everything on the pavement's just like s and it looks uncomfortable. I mean, we are in New Orleans. Yeah, oh, it's the big easy. But it's action movie, New Orleans, specifically because after Jean-Clauendam, like, you kind of realize he's not on, he's like barely paying for a cup of oatmeal.

Like he's got, like, what'll this get me? It's just really, he is. Because it's New Orleans. It's a shitty bowl of gumbo. Yeah, it is gumbo. And he is given this waitress some shit. Like, it's not the first time he's pulled this. And she's like, oh, you're going to have money to pay for the gumbo this time?

And he's like, maybe. and he just opens his fist and pennies fall out. You got changed for a button, one of those gags. And it's like, you know what, man? Like, get the fuck out of my diner. And so he, what's this woman actresses name? Yancey Butler. Yancey Butler.

Is she witchblade? She is witchblade. I've mistaken someone else for witchblade on this program and no one ever let me forget about it. They won't. But now he's on witchblade, but is she the actual witchblade? I mean, she's in which blade. He is in which blade. I don't know what else that means.

What level Witchblade she is? Yeah, I don't know. I know she's in Witchblade, and she's in those two kick-ass movies. Yeah, she's the mother. She can drops them, too, which is a stay tuned and a third. Because that shit will, that shit will turn you white. My son says Wesley Snipes. No, Winston Zedimore.

No, what, drops so? Well, yeah, I know Winston Zedamore originated the lime. It might be a double feature. the passenger 57. Just going to say that. Also said Wesley Snipes. Or terminal velocity, which is the other skydiving. You can go a couple different ways with that.

It's all shit and it's all wonderful. And so which blades go into her car and it's an action movie. So like she's about to get raped in broad daylight. It's like I don't know what's going on in New Orleans at this time. Here is the situation. Okay. And so to lay out kind of part of the bigger picture of what this is. movie is. So Lance

Henriksen and Arnold Bosley have this human hunting outfit that they're running and how they conduct it so successfully and are able to keep this human hunting engine going is they travel to different cities around the world

in where there's political unrest or some sort of some sort of unease going on. In this case the city of New Orleans is having a police strike. So there's not a lot of cops out on the street. So, sure, it's a perfect place to move in and just hunt some hobos for a week or two. So that's why they're there.

And that's why this broad daylight assault is allowed to happen, I guess. Or attempted to happen. Here's my thing with Lance Hendrickson in this movie. You just don't go to the States. Like, there's, I don't care what's, because he's always, like, towards the middle of this movie when shit, the heat gets on him. He's like, well, I guess we could go to, like, Eastern Europe and live forever. Like, of course you could. Oh, yeah.

Like, you don't have. There's the FBI. here, there's the CIA, there's the National Guard, buy an island! You have the funds to buy an island. You're obviously taking your business model after the most dangerous game, that dude had an

island, buy an island, preferably one that has a huge creepy castle on it, and then just wait for people to get shipwrecked. That's all you do. Your entire clientele are like international arms dealers, so just have them be flown to this island. Yeah, you're already

courting the guy from Serbia to come to the big easy to do this. Just go to his next to the movies. Make it easy on him. And so she's about to get raped in broad daylight. And there's a couple of good counts that I was keeping here. Twice in this movie, Jean-Claude Van Damme to put someone down. He goes, why don't you go tell of your boyfriend?

Which is like my favorite thing in the world. He does it twice to two different people. He's like, your boyfriend has told me last night. It's like, it's kind of sweet. It's not really an insult. They have a nice loving relationship It's a schoolyard insult Yeah it is what that is

Yeah This guy comes up to giving him grief And he's like oh your boyfriend told me that Something you know Your boyfriend told me that he's not ready To move in with you And he's like get the fuck out of here And you know

They try to steal this woman's purse and whatnot And he lays waste to these four dudes It's steal her purse and raper It's a double because he's like She's ready to give her the purse And also And she's like, all right. Yeah, it's a real while we're here situation.

Yeah, I think it's like, give me a show type thing. The guy, the second guy wants the show. And then he gets his arm, you know, broken half. It's a sweet broken arm. Like, it's like a dummy arm. And like J.C.V.D. pulls it over his shoulder. It's great. And this is when we find out she's this guy's daughter.

And the other count that I have five times. She's the guy who was murdered at the beginning's daughter. Yes, I apologize. She's the screenwriter's daughter, I guess. And the other count. that I have is the word daddy it's your daddy

it's so weird everyone is going up to this woman who lost her father's like well you're well I don't know where do you think your daddy is she's 40 years old I will help you find your daddy oh your daddy has to be around here

somewhere I will avenge your daddy who is your daddy and what does you do not wrong movie it's just and like the police or just this woman's like well your daddy got burned and it's like well it's just stop Your father is dead. Father is totally appropriate.

It's just skin crawling, isn't it? Two words, big, easy. That's why. By the way, it is mentioned, there's a detail somewhere in this movie that Jean-Claude Van Dam, whose name is Chance, by the way, grew up, was raised 100% quote, in the bayou. Just make him foreign and he came over here when he was 18, and that's why he talks like that. Because he's not covering up anything. He's still just the muscle from Brussels. There's, I mean, you know, we'll get to him.

But the other person that's doing a Creole accent in this movie is Wilford Privley. So nobody wins. Like one is doing, you know, like his best to get through a Montana drawl. And the other one's just like speaking with a Belgian accent, assuming that that's appropriate. And just neither case it wins. No, there's no selling going on whatsoever. No. I mean, you're selling me on this movie being ridiculously amazing.

That's the only selling that's going on. So, you know, we get a little more into J.C. VD's deal. And he's a homeless fella. And he's been, you know, working on ships and stuff. Apparently, he lost his last job because he found out that the captain of the ship he was working on was smuggling opium and he threw him overboard. Was that not a military thing? Is it not, though? Yeah, he was in the military first.

He was in, like, Vietnam or some shit like that. He wasn't in Vietnam, but like it was something like dog tags from somewhere. He was coming back from somewhere and through the military contacts, they were smuggling opium or some shit like that. Yeah, he found out that the captain was smuggling opium and threw him overboard. The way to think about action movies is people always lose track of human weapons. And I just feel like the CIA doesn't let that happen. Like you've got to keep those guys on a pretty tight leash. He's got to know what they're up to, where they're going.

But I guess when somebody becomes homeless, you're like, ew, let's not use them. Ah, his skills are still valid, but nah, he's seen too much. Let's hire Bill. Let's just go back to Bill. That's a good one. And, I mean, I assume part of the military's budget is, like, keeping these guys in, like, decent apartments somewhere. Yeah. So they don't, you know, want to go out and snap everybody's next.

Yeah, no, this is a real failure of the American human weapons system. I feel. You can't let those guys out, you know? So he's trying to get a job, and he's like, all right. you know, I want to get work on this ship, you know, blah, blah, blah. And the guy's like, all right, well, I'll hire you, but your union dues aren't paid. This is after Yancey Butler has offered to pay him $200 or like $100 a day to help her find the daddy. Find the daddy, I'll find your daddy.

And so he's like, all right, the ship dude is like, all right, you owe $217 in union dues. If you get it to me by the end of the week, I'll let you, you know, take this job. So he goes back to her and he's like, all right, I will show you around the big easy for $217. And she kind of just laughs in his face and agrees to do it. There's an amazing line here where she's like, all right, you drive around. I don't know where I'm going. He's like, ah, I do not have a driver's license, madame. Well, he's just such a hobo in this movie.

It's fantastic. And we can't lose the fact that this is also the plot of Inside Lew and Deng. It's literally the same plot. I have to go drive Jean-German to Chicago. Oh, get out of my way, orange cat This is the worst possible time You are the wrong orange cat Oh no, he is falling down on the bathroom floor

Hey, Chance Boudreau Are you any Walter Boudreau? Is that your father? Yes, he acts after you So they start this little investigation To find Dedy and they're trying to figure out What's going on And he's like, there's a really hilarious

moment where it's like I ate to break it to you but I think your daddy may have been how you say homeless and she's like really homeless she is the worst daughter in history like she just thinks she's going to go visit dad and like go out to friendlies you know what I mean she probably has like got a promotion it's like oh it'd be fun to see check out what dad's do it in the big easy yeah it's like oh sure he'll put me up yeah put me up in his shopping cart but yeah like her parents got divorced or some nonsense and the dad just like took off and she somehow we know that she's from michigan because her cool 90s convertible has michigan license plates uh so she's driven down here like trying to find her it's like how do you not know that your dad has just

become homeless like speaking of her car um there are two shots and it happens almost right after each other where she's in the car and jean claude vadam is very slowly revealed And she has a very pointed And you can see that Maybe we'll get it for the Facebook It's the same exact look It's the I'm gonna fuck that look Yeah

And it's just like zooming in Because it's John Wu Well there's a bunch of different Things going on with this movie That you never get revealed Because there was I mean You can read up on it But the whole thing of like

John Wu had a cut of this movie That was well over two hours Including way more Lance Henriksen first of all And also they The two of them do fuck at some point in the movie. So, like, that's there. But then Jean-Claude Van Damme, like, went in the room with the editor of the film for a couple of weeks.

And all of a sudden, this movie's 93 minutes. That's crazy. I can't go to the premiere and watch a two-hour movie. I have to go home. Well, he said something about, like, this is a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, not a Lance Henrickson movie. Wow. Yeah, he's that. He, of course, he's that guy.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's, I think that's kind of almost all action. movies. There's never been a humble one aside from, no, just period. There's never been a humble one because it's a macho bullshit thing to do to be into. You're not an actor. And the better ones are aware of that and they play

up to that. But like, yeah, so it's not surprising. You don't look at you. The idea of taking direction is a problem for you or like the idea that somebody else is going to cut this movie however they need to. But it's like, all right, here's this masterful director who's coming over from Hong Kong. Just did hard-boiled. Yeah,

literally the year before made one of the best action movies of all time. Nah, fuck them. I know what I'm doing. I was in Lionheart, asshole. But the weird thing is Lance Hendricks is so interesting in this movie. It's just weird because, like,

it's not what, like, in most most dangerous game movies, it's only about that thing. Here, it's just kind of the mode of the thing. Do you know what I mean? It's not, it's not like what the plot of the movie is. It's like, and this is also going on.

So it's very strange to have it as a, an almost a subplot. It's weird. It's like if it was surviving the game and instead of focusing on ice tea and his adventure of being hunted by these people you're just hanging out with Charles S. Dutton the whole time. You know what I mean?

Well, because you expect him to be more of like the cold cutoff guy like just in the back room and you know, uh, Wuslu's doing all the work for him. He is so pissed like he's a micromanager. Yeah, he's getting his hands dirty. He's getting really pissed off at this fat guy who's like

We'll get to it. This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, my 20s, while being a lot of fun, a lot of the time, were pretty rough. I wasn't exactly rolling a dough. I lived at home until I was about 25. And for most of it, I didn't have this show or you lovely people in my life. I just kind of drifted around without direction. It didn't know where to voice that.

Then I started to get my crap together one piece at a time. And the last piece, which didn't come until my early. 30s was therapy. And man, I wish it came along sooner. Ever since I started sitting down as a licensed therapist, I've had a place to voice my insecurities and try to fashion plans to help me achieve my goals. So that's why I'm thrilled. We're sponsored by Better Help. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, and it's designed to be flexible, convenient, and suited to meet your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and the good thing is you can switch therapists at any time for no

additional charge. Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. This BetterHelp.com slash WHM today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp H-E-L-P.com slash W-H-M. This episode's brought you in part by

Rocket Money, and they have this question for you. They handed to me just now Mr. Rocket just handed me this. Do you know how much your subscriptions really cost? Most Americans think they pay around $80 a month on subscription services, but the actual total is closer to $200. If you don't know exactly how much you're spending every month, you need Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. And with Rocket Money, you could lower those bills without resorting to having bean dinners every night of the week. You know, you have those bean dinners. to try to save some few bucks, but if you were monitoring your spending with Rocket Money,

you didn't necessarily need to eat every bean dinner. So find out what all the fuss is about, you know? Over 80% of people have subscriptions they forgot about, like the Stars app, don't get me started. You don't have to go through all the back end of the website anymore. You don't have to call customer service. Rocket Money helps you manage all your finances in one place as well and categorizes everything.

It's easy to keep track of the whole budget, even I can do it and I got rocks in my head. So find out what 3 million people have already done. They've taken the rocket folks. Stop throwing the money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions, and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash WHM. That is rocketmoney.com slash WHM. Once more, rocketmoney.com slash WHMHM, which stands for We Hate Movies.

let's talk about this fat guy so this fat guy is some sort of porno hustler i don't really know what's going on here but he is giving like flyers for i don't know if it's like strip clubs or phone sex oh it's phone sex okay and he's giving like piles of flyers to homeless guys including this lady's father and like her daddy oh daddy excuse me yeah the daddy you look at the porn and the daddy's like going out and passing out like flyers and whatnot you know it's like that's this guy's job he makes like he makes a bottle of bourbon per flyer or whatever the case is so this fat guy is supplying lance hendrickson and arnold vusloo with the homeless guys that are going to be hunted and to the credit of lans hendrickson well one it's a smart business decision but it's also

kind of compassionate because he's like i instructed you fat guy to only hire homeless guys that one have extensive military training so there's a little bit of a fight like you're not just taking like weird tweakers or something there's no challenge there but then also he he specifies he wants people that have no family whatsoever one it's so no one comes asking questions and whatnot but also i feel maybe a little of that is compassionate like so no one misses these homeless people but i think this fat guy is just kind of it's kind of like you know he's just lazy at his job and he's just not asking the right questions and i guess he can just kind of assumes no homeless people have families i mean i i don't i i would i would actually say no to that because

Because, I mean, I assume Lance Hendrickson in this movie at home has a pool, an underground in his house pool. Swimming pool? Full of tears of the people he's collected. Because he loves suffering and misery. He loves every inch of it. So I don't think it's any compassion. He loves evil. He really does.

And he has his minion, who is Voslu. So, yeah, so basically, you know, Jean-C-Vity figures out, like, oh, I should go ask this fat guy. and he kind of tips his hat to Voslu, and it's a big problem. It's a big problem. Lance Hendrickson finds out that someone's come asking around for this guy, you know, and he goes to the fat guy, and an amazing scene, he tortures this fat guy. Arnold Vuslu cuts a part of his earlobe with a huge pair of scissors. It's awesome.

They're just roughing up this fat guy, like, I fucking told you that it had to be this guy. Why wasn't that guy there? Who was this other guy you gave me? And he's like, I guess you could say, I made a mistake. And, like, Lance Hendrickson is like, he is fucking furious. Oh, he's pissed. He's so pissed off. And then my favorite little note that happens here is he washes his hands in his fishbowl.

Yeah, that's, it's, it's, look, it's a really good villain performance. There's just those little weird things like that. Like, the fish are swimming around and he's like, wiping this fat pig's blood off in the, in the fish bowl. The first line of the scene is wiki, wiki, you fat fuck. And it's just, it's the best performance Arnold Vusloos ever given. It's amazing. And it's great, too. This fat guy is doing a big fat guy pass out where he's just on his back fully clothed, sleeping.

Wakey, waky, waky, you fat, fucking Detroit Lions fucking sweater on, sweat stains all over it. Well, he got the Ned Beatty scholarship of Juilliard. You know what I mean? Like, he is, it's just, it's the same kind of matter. an aneurysms like it's the homina homina like real close to it ned vady but you know what did he had the full head of hair he like has the pervert mustache all the time this guy has nothing going for him absolutely nothing he always pays always paying for it every time and it's great because that's then then he knows then these two guys go after van dam and then i get my other favorite line in this movie which is apparently they they they

Two people finally get the drop on Van Dam. They're like eight feet tall each. It's like fucking The Undertaker and Kane come and pick. They look like two sons of anarchy. Yeah, they do, actually. Actually, I thought one of the dudes might have been Diamond Dallas Page for a hot second. It was not Diamond Dallas Page, but it could have been. Yeah, they track him down, right?

Because J.C.V.D, they find the body. And the father's body or the daddy's body. They find the daddy's body. He's been burned. like they've burned the body in a like a house fire or something and the cops like well that's the end of that he burned alive getting his homeless so who cares and band damn very cleverly thanks to the magic of a john woo uh the super pigeon or super dove excuse me he uses white doves and all of well no and the super pigeon is later the super pigeon is later the white dove now

who's helping him do the detective work like he's sitting in his house and he's like I cannot believe that the daddy would just burn to death like that. There's something that's right. And he recalls that in the found the possessions of the daddy, there's a dog tag, but there's only one dog tag. And he doesn't realize this until this dove flies over to Jean-Claude's dog tags and goes, to, too, too, too. He's like, Clu, Clu, yeah.

I mean, it's amazing because he looks. looks at what the, what the dove is doing, realizes the clue that the dove is clearly giving and then goes, yeah. Thank you, Dove. So then he's, so yeah, he's back at the side of the fire and he finds the other dog tag with a hole in it. And he goes back to this detective woman who, it's my favorite transition in this entire movie. First, yeah, before anything else happens, Jansley Butler goes to her because, and she finds out about the police strike, which, by the way, if there's a police strike in New Orleans, the National Guards come in. We're not just, like, having one rickety policeman just patrol the whole thing. But let's assume that's the case.

And she's also, she's played by Cassie Lemons from Silence of Lambs. Yes, that's who she is. And she's got this weird thing where it's her birthday and she's got this birthday cake. It's insane. She's got this birthday cake. And, you know, Yancey Butler comes and she's like, oh, and she has to put it in her file cabinet with the candle in. I mean, she is a useless detective. and she's such a jerk

when she when yancey butler comes in she's like I'd like to file a missing person's report she tells her to come back tomorrow she's like well clearly I'm celebrating my birthday here could you come back tomorrow and she's like you're a police officer

and then like when it's revealed that this dude's homeless she's like ah yeah this is going to be a problem and she's like why what is my daddy's missing and she's like well generally to file a missing persons report, they have to have a place they've been missing from. And I'm like, you're the biggest piece of shit, detective.

Look here, Detective Lieutenant Deadmeat. I need to find my daddy. My daddy is gone. I lost my daddy. Ew. And the best part is that the scene ends and she's like, well, fine. I'm just going to go hire a homeless man to drive me around. I'm going to go by the dock and see what John Club Bend is doing.

But at the end of the scene, she goes. into the file cabinet, pulls her birthday cake out, and wishes for the rest of the movie to happen. There's, like, a cloud of candle smoke in there. Like, that cake tastes disgusting, right? Yeah. It's gross now. It's not like even a cake.

It's like a big ginger snap or some shit like that. I mean, it's the big easy, man. At least have, like, a pile of birthday bignets or something like that. It's disgusting, like, bun cake or whatever she's got. So, yeah, she goes back and this, she's like, I'm sorry, your daddy was burned and then like you know obviously we figure out that something's wrong because she's like well I already an autopsy and then we have basically this new guy is you know being interviewed by the devil himself in Lexenrexen who's playing a piano I imagine made of bones

you don't see the whole piano made of bones or the or cerebis just curling at his feet but he's just like playing the piano like really really intently while this other guy Now, what's great, by the way, is that the stunt musician is really tickling these ivories. And then Lance Henrickson is doing a piss poor job at pretending to play the piano. But now all I can think about is, like, leather face, like, working at, like, Steinway piano company. He's just, like, polishing it. He's just got, like, he's mopping his brow. Well, I'll tell you, there is that episode of Hannibal where the dude's making, like, violin bows out of people.

Oh, it's awesome. I mean, really, leather face would really kind of have a really bad service job in the real world, right? It would just be like, you know, leather face to aisle four kind of a thing. Yeah, it's a mopping bucket. I'm sorry, he wouldn't be a short-order fry cook. I mean, he'd work in a butcher shop. I think he'd work up to it. Well, you've got to work where you know.

I mean, he's got a skill set. He can work in a butcher. Maybe you gets on an episode of Chopped. All right. All right, Leatherface. All right, Leatherface. You've got a bag of Doritos. pile of human hair and some chicken.

Wee, we, whee, whee, whee, whee! Where's the pomegranate oil? Wait, a pomegranate and oil. Dude, I will tell you guys what, it is not an episode, but I checked out that Texas Chainsaw 3D, eat shit and die that movie. Give me a flip and break. We'll talk about it off the year. That's the latest one?

It's the latest one. The one that was from last year, yes? Yeah, I saw it. It's pretty awful. Oh, oh, it's awful. Yeah, it's pretty damn awful. I really want to see that. Texas chainsaw with true detective

in it. New generation. Yeah, it's also wretched, but it's here's how bad Texas chainsaw 3D is. Texas chainsaw the next generation or new generation, whatever it is. Way better.

Oh yeah. Way better movie. I mean, it's off the fucking rails, but. Yeah, it's nuts. True detective gets pretty true detectivey in that movie. So we're going to hunt and we're going to hunt Jean-Claude Van Damme's best friend here who is this, older black guy kind of looks a lot like Joe Morton. He's a Joe Morton type. He is a Joe Morton type. And he also knew the daddy. Yeah. They were homeless buddies together. He's the one who knows. I mean, he's the one who tells Yancey Butler all about her daddy. Yeah, he's like, by the way, here's your daddy's shopping cart. And like, you know, she looks through his not possessions. And she's just like, can somebody just say father? Okay, sure. No, we're just going to keep doing this daddy thing, huh? Well, all right. Whatever gets you off movie. Anyway. So the whole deal, right, is like,

like Lance Henriksen and Arnold Vosso like take you to this, you know, metal scrap garage thing, this open site. And they explain to you the game. And it's like, here's a belt with $10,000 on it. If you, you get a five minute head start. And if you get to the river, you get $10,000 and whoopty, whoopty do. That's the end of it. And the guy like accepts. And then like here is this guy who is like this trigger happy Serb who comes in. And he's, he's paid the $500,000. Like, he selected this guy out of, like, you know, Lance Henriksen's binders full of homeless men to, like, go through, you know, like, picking a haircut. I want to see the P&L on a kill, on a hunt like this, because there's a lot of cars involved.

There's a lot of goon overhead. There's a lot of different groups. Pay off something down the board, I would say. This is what's obnoxious about the whole system. Like, it's not a fair fight at all. No. Like, if I'm ever going to hunt a person and I'm paying, like, half a mill, the hunt a homeless man. Like, I want everything to be by the books and totally clean.

I don't need thugs in motorcycles fucking with the guy and knocking them down. Like, they totally cheat this entire time. It's not fair to the homeless guy. You know what would, you know, would really solve all that? An island. Yeah. You get an island. This is not an issue anymore.

Get the fuck out of America, Mr. Henriksen. Yeah. Or one of the smaller Hawaiian islands. Like, there's less ground to cover. There's stuff in. Polynesia, I bet. There's a couple of islands left in the world where the only residents are turtles.

I'm sure you could find Parmistan if you really looked for it. You know what I mean? Like that? If you looked long and hard, you could have found the sovereign nation of Parmistan, and they love killing people. Absolutely. He'd make a fortune in Parmistan now do they think about it. That wouldn't even cut into your budget. It's like 10%

of your net gain. Parmistan, really? You would get government backing to fund your operation. It runs itself. I don't know, Lance Hendrickson. It seems like a good idea to me. Seemed like Noriego was having a good time?

Here you go. Don't go to like 1980s, New York, because you hear it's bad. You know, you got to go to a place where there is actually no law. Look, we're all like a good challenge. But let's all just take it easy here. So this dude accepts, and he starts running through an above-ground graveyard because it's Nalans. Well, what I love is that. the fucking like it's at like at some like old industrial park and like when he agrees the level

starts like it's fucking super mario brothers yeah the floor starts rotating i was like what's going on is there a secret castle here in this junkyard and then he fought a bomb on a chain i wish so this dude's like running and like the hunt is on and these like dudes on crotch rockets are like they drive up to him and like kick him and knock them over and shit but this fight's awesome because this dude turns the tables and totally like punches this guy in the face grabs the gun and shoots him and then like runs off and Hendrickson murders this guy

it's a it's interesting when this movie goes on how many people Henriksen is willing to murder which is everyone oh no one is safe like I'd say maybe Vaslu because they're like business partners and they're kind of in love a little bit a little bit yeah I could see that yeah that's my slash fiction that I've been writing about hard time It's called hard target, easy

rain. It's all about it's all about how Hendrickson and Voslu were in the events before the movie. Here's a question I have about this whole operation and then we can continue with the motion picture discussion. But

let's say I was to devise a business in where rich people came to me and gave me $500,000 and I was able to facilitate the hunting of a human being. Sure. One man cannot do this alone. Sure. Let's say I wanted you guys to be in this with me. You know, like, you know, Chris, I wanted you to be my Arnold Voslu. Steve, maybe you

headed up like, you know, getting all the homeless guys together. So I'm the fat guy. You're the fat guy. Sure. How does one broach this subject with, with an individual like, hey, Arnold Voslav, I've got this great idea, this great business opportunity I want. Or do you present it like, oh, man, you know what would be hilarious? If we started this business where we're just paying dudes and they get to hunt people, you've got to go to somebody that's in the trade already. You know what I mean? This is not a level one situation.

Voslu's already an assassin before this movie starts. You know what I mean? Like, it's that kind of a thing. Or, you know, he's a mercenary or just like just discharged from the army for murdering too many people. or something like I want that guy on my team you want what's my back end I mean I just

I would I would foolishly go the route of dipping my toe in the water well the dipping in the toe is interesting because like how you can't advertise like how do you know like you're not putting this in the penny saver you know what I think I got it I think this is what the situation is I think you're both like on vacation together

maybe you're like maybe you go see the Twin Cities you're just hanging out you're at a bar somewhere and then all the sudden you're like sitting next one of these rich guys he's ordering like off the menu just bullshit bullshit bullshit and they like i don't know put a little too much lemon in his water uh-huh and he gets up he kicks the fucking thing he's like i wish i could kill you and then you both look at each other wait we could that's the one what that's the last let's do it see now in in your line of thinking it's it's more of a serendipitous kind of there's no real planning to it so i guess in the end there's

bunch of ways you could go about planning a business in which you and a buddy or to let rich people kill homeless. I mean, you're both clearly soul takers, so like, yeah. And I also love that there's, no one's ever surprised by the rich person's bloodlust. Like, it's just like, oh, no, the market's out there,

for sure. Like, you know what I mean? It's a matter of like, you know, putting ink to pen, you know, you got to figure it out. Oh, absolutely. And you see these in a lot of movies. It's like a would you rather situation or like that new flick with Pat Healy that's coming out where it's like They're these rich people that just have all this money, and it's like, well, I'm going to use my, you know, endless supply of money to fund sadistic curiosities kind of a thing.

So, Mark Zuckerberg types, really. Yeah, I feel like Mark Zuckerberg is probably a little bit curious about hunting for sport, people, that is. He's at least been approached by someone and either had to say, because, like, you know, just you're at a party and then, of course, some warlords are going to show up and they're going to be like, hey, you know what. I mean, I think. Hey, you know what? I think Mark Zuckerberg, I mean, you ruin a couple. I mean, you drive a few people to suicide first. That's definitely happened.

I mean, you hack their, you know, accounts and such. Cut your teeth on that. And then I think that's when you get your taste. You're like, oh, that felt good. That strangely felt. Do I have an erection right now? There's one less person on the planet. And I did it.

I think you're getting the bloodlost. you don't have the money I'm sorry I think Lance Henriksen takes layaway No but he might have a group on out there That'd be hilarious if that was Vuslu's backstory Is he did this once And couldn't pay him off

And he had to like work it off For the rest of his life Oh yeah That's a note I have coming up Oh wait we'll wait for him So these these Diamond Dallas page And this other guy

Are like harassing him We didn't even get to the line that you like. We're kind of doing Pulp Fiction here because by the way the black guy dies. The black guy gets murdered and it's kind of like one of those scenes where it's like oh it's so violent and terrible and it's society's

fault. It's insane because the dude successfully escapes and he gets out onto like Bourbon Street and he's running around like somebody please help me and they're like, ew, it's a homeless guy. Get away from me. Including Ted Ramey who's like put upon white guy. Sam Ramey's a producer

on this movie. So that's the only way that could happen. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, oh, get away from me. Ew, it's a homeless man. Yeah. And then, like, they just roll up totally crowded street and blow this guy away. And that's the police strike or no. Machine guns go off in a city street in the big easy. Tomorrow the National Guard is. That's five stars in Grand Theft Auto.

It is. It absolutely is. There's a helicopter five minutes away now. I mean, at the top of this movie, I think this is federal jurisdiction. like a fucking a traveling shoot the bum show somebody's got a file on this shit dude i think this is this is like a i mean this is like the world police like global court is taking this dude and has talked about

lance henriksen all those little nick nulte and all his little blue helmet guys from hotel rwanda running around oh god damn it they're just killing all these homeless men down here and the big easy oh for fuck's sake you know I hear that Hendrickson eats souls for breakfast Oh I almost choked on the beer

I'm drinking But so You know basically JTVD's asking too many questions And now that his friend is dead You know things are really heating up And basically these two guys are Beating the shit out of him

And one of them says Get the fuck out of dodge Do it today And tell that bitch girlfriend Here's the point of tit is not It's stuff on the gas. Oh, what a delivery, huh? That guy's got the soul of a poet.

It's just like you could tell somebody to get out of town, or you could tell somebody that. Oh, I'd prefer it if you told somebody that. Because it's fun. It's horrible, but it's hilarious. You've got, you know, you've got strong imagery there, you know? And, you know, he's making his point crystal clear. Absolutely. No confusion about what he's telling you to do.

do get out of town and they don't and this fat guy like so Wusloo cuts his ear off like fucking you know Van Gogh and then he's getting a massage like oh you know I've had such a tough time and then Van Dan starts fucking with him and you know torture him for infirmation he's punching him in that fucked up ear he is and it's really like he's crying and then like finally when the when the black guy dies he knows that either Van Dam's coming for him or for sure as fuck Woosley's coming to kill him right and

And also they have ordered a second autopsy. Yes, that's the big thing. On the daddy's body. Detective Dead Meat was put upon to order the autopsy for this fucking burnt corpse. And they killed it. They killed a doctor. Well, yeah, because Lance Hendrickson has the doctor, like the Nallin's medical examiner also in his pocket, who was like totally fine to, you know, just blow it all under the rug. Along with half of the population, all those bars, when Elijah the black guy is getting killed, the bars close, the shops closed, the restaurants closed, like everything closed.

It's kind of like the scene with Rick Moranis in Ghostbusters, like, let me in, let me in. Absolutely. This dude runs up to Tavern on the green and then a dog eats him. Some door, a bear in his apartment. And then the thing comes out. It's my favorite line. But yeah. And so everything's going out

And he's like doing the fat guy Get Out of Dodge thing where he's got of course The hilarious suitcase that's packed with shirts sticking out of it Because he's a big slob and his car is made Out of pure garbage Like the thing doesn't even The Trump doesn't even close

He bought this car from Oscar the Grouch Oscar the Grouch Oscar the Grouch Deemed this car to be not worthy of being owned by Oscar the Grouch anymore and sold it to this fat guy You know, there are people that have, like, a lot of soda bottles in their car. No, no, there's just soda, like, swishing around in the bottom of this car.

It's like those, it's like those drunk driving commercials where, like, they get pulled over and the cops, like, step out of the car. And, like, a huge, a kiddie pool-sized martini falls out of the guy's car. Fucking Dunkin' Donut boxes everywhere. Fucking little scraps of beef jerky just in the floor. Floating. Floating. And Vusloos does him a favor because he just blows his. this guy's head to fucking I don't even know what it's I mean it's a shotgun it's pushed right up

against his pudgy little cheek and then it's just splat city and and vuslu's just giggling yeah he teases it out this guy has to like beg for his life a little bit oh yep nope nothing and he's got this cool like oh you hurt my feelings thing which is really cool he's a it's a real great number two situation it's one of my my favorite number twos and I you know it's only my second time seeing this movie. I think I was really drunk when I first saw because I didn't notice it. But it's a really, it's a really good number two. He's a, he's a great

he's a great number two. And I think you can take most other number twos. And actually in the second movie that this movie is, it's interesting what happens with him. My favorite number two, by the way, lethal weapon two, the guy who killed Gibson's wife. That guy's a solid number two. He's got the

fucking knife skill. Yeah. He's pretty talented at being a murderer. So they kill this fat guy And then like Van Dam The Dead Meat Detective And the lady all roll up And there's just an amazing gun fight that happens

And this is when the movie This movie ends And because it's just You know all of the hordes of hell Are unleashed upon Van Dam And you know He's shooting people kicking people He's riding on a motorcycle

Shooting people on top of the motorcycle Which it's ridiculous Oh it's just silly time It is It's not possible. It's not what humans can do. You can't keep riding on a motorcycle as it's going with your feet on like the, on the, on the lamp, I guess. While firing a gun, it just doesn't happen.

Well, I almost thought that this was going to, I mean, maybe this is because I saw this after I saw Live Free or Die Hard. But I was certain he was going to, the fucking bike was going to go right into the windshield. He was going to use the bike to as the weapon. Yeah, it could have gone that way. Yeah, I thought that's what we're doing. But don't worry. The bike's made out of a game. gasoline so everything explodes it's a huge explosion like and this is all happening 16 people are dead i can't even tell you how many pedestrians are dead and like yeah i know police strike

i mean it's a john i i remember that scene about the police strike i mean it's a john woo movie so like every house is like a landmine well no you should just take a landmine like point of view for each one yeah if you step in one it could explode yes now that's very true that's very that's it's weird but it's like you forget at times that john woo directed this movie and then like a dove flies by or there's just like useless slow motion yeah that passes by or that bullshit like frame stop thing where it's just like we freeze for a hot second and then keep going like all of these things that work totally fine and awesome when it's like fucking chow yon fat shooting up a hospital that's great does not transfer well to american movies and that's why

you know by the time he made paycheck he kind of just got kicked out of Hollywood he has not made a Hollywood movie since 2003 he's been back making moves in China because I think everybody was like you know what take a break yeah just just you did win talkers you did paycheck get the fuck out of here I mean you did face off

which is a lot big positive you could go a long way face off is face off is the next film that he did after this but then he did broken arrow no I think broken arrows was broken arrow then face it really yeah yeah okay so he had this one which is totally cool and fine broken arrows not great and then face off i think is like the peak and then after that it's

like which is whatever but so in this movie when when it's happening you're like oh yeah john woo movie oh wait anything is possible at any time like it doesn't go with any kind of like 80s american action movie formula well the weird thing is the first because this is when the movie shift it takes the right because the first half the script has, you know, the script's 100 pages. The first 50 pages have, has approximately a thousand words in it. The second half has seven. You know, like, it's just action scene. And it's just, like, that's it. They, instead of after the whole world, it's kind of hilarious because, like, the way he gets out of this thing is like, you know, the hordes of hell are

descending and he keeps shooting and shooting and shooting. And not unlike the hobo that he is, he escapes me a box car. You know, he's just, there's a trait. coming and he smells it with his hobo nose and does a backflip with Yancey Butler on it dude well I'll tell you what like when you were forced to live on the streets man that stuff it's like the end of castaway

when Tom Hanks comes home and he still has to sleep on the floor like it's that like you just know you just can't shake that stuff so he's like ah the 642 to Santa Fe and they just jump off a bridge without even looking and they land on the softest car by the way it's all like oil tanker oil tanker

a car full of screw and then it's like they land on the pillow car. That's beans. That's beans being cooked over hay in a box car. We got five minutes. We got five minutes. From five minutes away,

that's a schnaz. It's in the air. It's just in the air. And this is when Vousel is really smart because he's like, hey, you know, maybe we should get the fuck out of America. Like, you know, like maybe. Maybe it's time to leave America.

And Lance Henriksen, being the devil, is like, no, we're going to hunt him. It'll be the best hunt ever. He just murdered about a third of our workforce. Yeah, you know how we've been doing this flawlessly for about three months? And then in the course of one afternoon, one man murdered our entire army of goons. Let's just go. Look, Mephisto.

You know how all of our guys. are crack shots. He was alone on a bridge coming towards them and they missed him. Not once, not twice, but 2,000 times. Well, it's kind of amazing because I kind of feel like what's happening

at the second half of this movie is it turns into a cabin in the woods for action movies. Like, you know, like every the government's doing some experiment and like they're secreting things in Lance Henriksen so that he doesn't act like the way this guy should act.

Like he acts like an action movie villain. Yeah, he doesn't act like a suave businessman we've known him to be. Yeah. He acts like a Bond villain. It's like, no, I will have my revenge on John Claude Van Damme. No, you don't. You don't need to. You could just walk away with hundreds of thousands of millions of dollars.

He doesn't know your name. He doesn't know anything about you other than you were perpetrating this act. If you get out of here and head to Prague, it's all over with. You're having great beer and crazy sex by the end of the night. Like, it's fine. Crazy devil's sex. Crazy devil sex. Whatever you want.

They have those kind of people in Prague. Whatever you want. No one's judging you in Prague. But instead, the hunt is on now. And we are going through the woods. There's one line about him being raised by his Uncle Duve. And that's all he says. Raised by my Uncle Duvay.

Yep. And you're like, oh, that's interesting. That's a nice little tidbit. I don't know who Uncle Duve is. Probably never see who that guy might be. And it's weird, too, because around the same time that lines uttered, like maybe like 20 minutes after it, I start thinking like, hey, you know, I seem to remember the opening credits of this movie. It's Jean-Claude Van Dam, okay, Lance Hendrickson, Arnold Vasselieu, Yancey Butler, they're all here.

Seem to recall a mention of one Wilford Brimley somewhere in this movie. It's a big, fat, pun intended, and Wilford Brimley. Oh, yeah. And you're like, you're like, man, where is what? Oh, wait a second. seem to remember something about an uncle he meant oh oh wait a second and then you hear like we have to get

the uncle duve's house and I'm like oh fucking sweet day and then you see a bootlegging set up and the rest writes itself it really does cut to Wilford Brimley just bootlegged moonshine and like singing

to himself in French it is it's beautiful we got to hear just a little bit of this here's this him talking to himself whee ha ha ha sometime I made

myself me ha ha good whiskey mac jack rabbit slabbed a beer this accent I don't know what like

I don't think our good friend Wilford ever deemed to go down to Nallens because you know it's a little too a little flashy

down there for him maybe a little flashy down there a little anti-Christian a little too diverse You know what I mean?

Sure. There's a couple of women, you know, comfortable with themselves. He really can't really be asked to. I just don't know what documentary or what voice coach he had. I mean, I didn't watch, because I watch as it works, I didn't watch through the credits fully. But I was, I was curious about if there was like Mr. Brimley's dialect coaches, you know, voice coach or whatever. Because that man or woman was working overtime and doing the best they could. I've never seen him try to do it.

an accent because he can't. Like, his just voice is so dis, it's... I never thought he gave a shit. I never thought he gave a shit. It's honestly the most I've ever seen him try. Yeah, it's just like, uh, like, all right, let's see if I can do this now. God damn what? Now, okay, God damn what?

God damn what? Goddamn. Goddemor. Hey, I did. I did it. God damn. Now I can be in your movie playing a raging cage. Oh, pardon me. A dude damn ye. I mean, it's just terrible.

And he's just like, making my moonshine. Oh, it's all delicious moonshine. Oh, it's so tasty. And he goes, like, right into like, oh, my gator ate it. Oh, that's awesome. That's one of the best lines ever. So they roll up and there's a big like, oh, Uncle Duvet, it's so great. And then like they go inside and he's like, ah, listen, there's some people coming after me.

and it's the fucking greatest line ever in this movie is Wilford Brimley goes Yes I know I could smell them godamort It's like wait I'm sorry You could smell the danger that was coming And he goes oh is your business or place you are And he's like a bit of both

Which is like no What world are you guys living Is this happening often? Yes it is Every other weekend he comes in Because he's like he's like All right Uncle Duvee Do you have that sweet gun that I left there

And he's like no a gator ate it goddam all and you're just like oh that's weird a gator ate a gun huh i'd like to see that little short deleted scene well the same way that john clad van dam has the bean scent thing wilfr brimley uncle duve he's got the human

trafficking thing anybody who's dealing in human trafficking he smells them coming well i think what i like about this idea is like wilfr brimley maybe just got wasted on all sorts that god knows what this uncle duvei drank all his booge went out to the pond to like shoot some gators and fell asleep you know and like he woke

oh oh no oh no it's like gator it's just eating this shotgun slowly got them all get off my gun i've only got about three chums left god damn all before he starts eating me god damn all it's it's it's i mean this is quite a character it's ridiculous it's a whole where in literally a whole other movie it's completely different it's stay tuned you know like when they grab the remote and they switch it it's a whole other situation and he's like a Roger

Rabbit to JCPD Bob Hoskins so he's like listen these people are going to be here at any minute you know we got a we got a prep I need you to take Yancey Butler to safety and I'm going to kill 40 men

and then we'll all have some gumbo it'll be fantastic I just also, I'm sorry I know that they're blood related in this movie What is the genetic makeup that gives one You know, just one chromosome has Jean-Claude Van Dam on it And the other one has Wilfred Brimley I feel like it's more of a situation where he's like

Uncle Duvay in the sense of what's going on What's that there in my swamp goddamma Oh look at that It's a little boy I'm gonna raise him goddamn oh What's on that gator? What's always a little boy I should eat it on? No, I'll raise him like my own.

You're lucky I didn't eat you, God damn all. I almost ate you. Who plays in a swamp? I ate you like the gator what ate my gun. So I feel it's more of like, you know, he just raised him, much like a pack of wolves would have raised him. It just so happens that duvet found him first. Well, of course he'd be homeless. I do think it's a Mowgli thing, though, because I do think it's a Mowgli thing, though, because I

I think Jean-Claude Van Dam was raised by Gators. Man, that's cool. So they descend on Wilford's compound. Again, by the way, it's another movie where he's just living alone in the woods. Who knows what's going on? Who really gets it? Who knows? But it's weird because it turns into a first blood thing.

Obviously. Now we're in first blood and he's like, you know, it's really weird because Henrickson, all of his goons are dead. but he's like, okay, I'll just get my clients to do my bidding. And then he's like, oh, this is the greatest hunt of all, gentlemen, you know, 750,000 a pop. Oh, yeah. For the privilege of hunting Jean-Claude. Damn.

Yeah. Which is kind of funny to me that he's charging these guys. Yeah. You're the guy whose backs up against the wall, Henriksen. But also, this is what I was, uh, we were talking about, like, debt, like being in debt with this kind of stuff. He also drops something about, and if you do this, I would, will clear, like all your accounts are

cleared. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that. I think they have debt. I think they, like, they must have done some bargaining with Hendrickson. Put this one on my tab, Lance, I'm going to go out and kill this guy. Maybe he's the guy that's just too trusting and doesn't take cash up front. That's another problem. Vousel's like, come on,

Lance. He will know, when he kills the guy in the cemetery, he specifies this is why I request payment up front. So in case you act like an idiot and let the homeless person kill you, Well, this is when this movie stops making a lot of sense because... Wilfer Brimley's using a Cajun accent.

There's that. But what happens is on their way into Duvay's house, Jean-Claude Van Damme sees this snake puppet, right? He runs a file of a snake puppet. Punches it in the face. And the snake's got like birds above its head, practically. Its eyeballs just turned to two thin X's. It's a cartoon, man.

It's so stupid. It's so silly. It's so much better than just that, though, because she's like, um, what are you doing? And he's like, I am sitting a trap for our friends. And then bites the rattle off this rattlesnake and ties it up to a tree. So then this rich guy gets like bit in the face with this rattlesnake puppet. It's not a real rat. Don't worry, everybody.

It's a puppet. And Henriksen just kills him in front of the, like he's slowing us down. He's got this weird gun that only fires one bullet. a time, which is really... It's a we hate movie's favorite god killer. Oh, yeah, it's a super shotgun thing. We're only one bullet at a time. And he murders this guy.

If I'm in this pack of rich guys, it's me, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg. I'm like, you know, Zuckerberg. They just killed Eisner. We should get the fuck out of here. We're not going to make it. Even Henriksen's going to kill us. Either it's Van Dam or Henriksen's going to kill us. If he's killing Eisner, he could kill all of us.

Exactly. $750,000. This is bad value. I'm not getting what I want at all. It made off. You wipe your ass with $750,000. What the hell are we doing here? Hey, Pelfour.

Do you want to talk to him for a minute? And then we're just going to sneak off. Then Rupert Murdoch's a piece. They're talking about you. Hey, hey, they're plotting to get away from you. Why don't you ask them where their birth certificates are? Got any more snakes? I think they set one of the snake trips.

He would still be the biggest piece of shit in a ring of piece of shit human hunters. He would be. He'd be the guy who's like, aye, Enrikson, I like what you do. I like your style. Aye, I, Enrikson, I tipped all the cell phones. Turns out they've been emailing, plotting against you the whole time. I figured it out.

News call. We did it. Hey, Edmondson, can you summon fire? Oh, you can. All right, never mind, I was going to teach you. Thought I'd have to show you a trick-a-too. Turned out we schooled from the same master. Lord Satan.

Yeah, and I apprentice from 79 to 89. Oh, you were 89 to 92. Was your intention paid or what? Where'd you do your pre-K? It's living in a house, right? Oh, billionaires squabbling with each other. But sincerely, if I'm one of these guys, I'm already turned off by this mission. Because, yeah, it's just bad.

It's bad for business. Bad value. Bad $750,000. My life better not be in fucking jeopardy. No, yeah, not worth it. No, I better be having the weirdest sexual experience in history. That's the goal. Well, I think it's the thing.

That would have to be the promise, right? It's like, look, if you help me kill this guy, you get to fucking angel. I promise you, it's going to be great. It's going to be weird, but it's going to be great. Hey, Andrickson, you got a blonde hair or a brown hair? I got a couple of blonde hairs in mine. Yeah, I played a song on a half that had to come. Then I tripped him.

Rupert Murdoch, Angel Poacher. No, no. little girl's crying one's going to come and help her got to wait in the woods their tears attract more of them so they descend on the compound and duvet is fucking ready this is you think like

fat guy's sidekick in an action movie yeah not getting to too much he's the old guy maybe it's the thing where maybe it's a non-deadly ground thing maybe they're going to torture his old fuck I feel bad for him yeah exactly maybe you know he's going to be in peril van deem has to save him oh no he

Nope. He subverts expectations, is what this character does. You may not believe his Cajun accent, but you know what? I believe Wolf and Brimley is an explosive expert. Now, this is a point I wanted to make, is that if I ever have to find myself in a situation where I am bootlegged moonshine in the middle of nowhere, Louisiana, I too would have my house wired to blow just in case. This is what's awesome, is they come And he's like, well, the day is fine that come, God damn all. Here I go. And, like, he rides off into the woods.

He pushes a red button that has a piece of white tape over it that says, Taxman. Just in case. Just in case. And so he starts, like, shooting arrows at these dudes. And then he just starts lighten off dynamite. And then you see this, like, this one little trace of, like, a wire that's just burning. You're like, wait, what's going on here?

And then you realize there's just. been dynamite strapped to every corner of this house. Sweaty dynamite. And fucking, you said he's, he's got an arrow. He does, but he goes full Legolas. He's like shooting people from the fucking horse. It's amazing.

He's so great. He puts Green Arrow to shame. It's amazing. This is the Green Arrow movie I never got. Is Big Fat Wilfer Brimley on a horse killing fucking rich people? Well, that's like, you know, the Mr. Queen of later years.

When he's retired to the big easy. It's the Dark Night Returns and when he's got one arm. And I mean, this is awesome. Like, he's riding away. He kills a couple of people with Arrow. Rides off on this. And you can, we're talking with this. You can freeze frame it.

It is Wilfred Brimley on a horse outrunning an explosion. And it's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's the greatest film still. Like one piece of celluloid that has ever existed. Like, if you were the dude who was making the. poster for this movie. Okay? It's just a big rectangle. It says hard target and it's just the frame of Wilford Brimley, one arm in the air, riding this horse away from a huge firebow and arrow. Holding the bow and it just, there's an arrow and it says this happens in this movie coming this summer and that's all you need and it's

the biggest box office sensation of 1993. Take that Jurassic card. That's all you had to do. And I mean, this conversation that I'm about to make up happened. John Wu being like Withford Do you You need us to teach you how to ride a horse Are you fucking kidding me Now if there's one thing I need to

I need to lay out on the table God damn it one of course I could ride a horse And second I am going to bring my own horse God damn it Right now I'm breaking character Just to tell you I know how to ride a horse Because he'll use Uncle Duvay the whole time You think

Oh yeah at the food truck and not at the food truck he was Uncle Duvei I also imagine like John Wu you know I mean he's

Wilford's about 60 at this point so like John Wu's got a stuntman ready and he's a guy in a big padded suit and just like what's that what's that circus show over there he just goes up and he just

he punches this guy in the face no he breaks his neck oh no god damn And then, like, they're like, action. Like, what happened to Dave? And then it's like, oh, my God, that's Wilford Brimley on a fucking horse. He's in the horse. It's the first take, and he's riding on the horse.

And, like, he's supposed to be holding the bow. What's it? Is that Dave's throat? This is what happens, God damn. This is what happens when you replace me with a stunt double. I do think Roadhouse was built, was based on Wilford Brimley. Like, actually, like, but the old days. Well, because Wilford Brimley was, he was a bodyguard for somebody.

Howard Hughes. Yeah, he ran the. brimley blockers he was a brawler he was a straight brawler and you could tell like it's amazing because I mean like so much of his career and I think cocoon kind of fucked his career a bit because he got type castes old people

for so long. A genteel old man yeah and I mean this movie you could tell he had a lot of fun making this movie oh yeah it's like oh wait all right you're telling me god damn it all I have to do is pretend to drink moonshine and kill a bunch of people and ride a horse and see explosions

happen well sign me up god damn There's just one small catch. You're not going to like the director. What? He's a what? Cut to outside the office. What? The roof blows off.

Back up farther to the Universal Studios. What? Los Angeles. What? Just a map of California. What? Kang. And then it just cuts back and he's sitting there's stone face and he's beat red and he just goes, fine.

That's the way things are going, I guess. I don't have to go over there to make it, do I, God damn it? So this house. He's like, Obama's America. They're like, who? You'll see. Oh, you'll see. Don't think you won't see.

I'm a seer. Did I not tell you that on my resume? I see the way things are going So this fucking shit explodes And hard targets Hard targeting all over the place And this is when again It's Cabin in the Woods time

Because Bouselu's like Okay We have it We've got a beat on On Van Dam We know exactly where he is I could take him from the air I'm going to be in a helicopter

With a submachine gun I can kill him And he's like No no no We have to lead him to this Abandoned Warehouse And Russo's like, no, that doesn't make any sense. It's the problem because he's a man, he's a devil obsessed with the hunt.

Yeah, you know what I mean? And like, even at this point, Murdoch's like, you know, Lord Satan, you can probably just take him from the sky. Well, I mean, if you're going to eat a soul, you do have to be, like, close when the body expires. That's true. I bet you that's part of the motivation. He's not going to be in proximity to the expiration. You just shoot him from afar. That soul's going up in the air, man.

The birds are going to have it. It's going to get chopped up. the helicopter propellers. So it's stupid because this happens. And it's like helicopter v. horse, by the way. This is, when I was watching this,

I was thinking about that story that came out six months ago about like all the horses that have died and they swept under the rug. How many fucking horses died on this movie? I mean, like, they had to fucking kill that horse. That horse that rode brimley

away from an explosion. He's getting air in that shot, by the way. Full air and crotch and saddle. You think that horse is retiring into a peaceful life somewhere. Retiring to a fucking bottle of Elmer's. Retiring at the bottom of Bribley's pot.

Now, any horses that expire under me I get to eat. You're not going to throw that away, are you? Oh, it's horse. It's a two-fay. Making myself a little horse-to-fay, god damn

you know what? Just put it in the back of my truck. I'll take care of it. Tell them it's and do we sausage. never think about it. I'm in character. I'll make a horse po-boy. A horse-head po-boy. I think the crunchy horse head.

Crunch. That's not the best part. And, you know, I mean, basically we go into this. I guess it's the warehouse where they put all of the expired sets from Are You Afraid of the Dark? Like, I guess that's where, I guess they feel. It's built it in Nalans because, I mean, it's a nightmare factory. It's a, it's a straight up Cajun nightmare factory.

It looks like Stephen King's It, the house. It's a Joker hideout from the cartoon. And, you know, this is where the end of our movie, the last 20 minutes of our movie, which is its own just long action. Oh, it's just a straight up, perfectly done John Wu shooting and kicking and it's off. Pigeons every which way. He's so many pigeons, including a pigeon that hilariously is like speaking with Jean-Claude. There's like a pigeon on his shoulder and he's like whistling to it. And he sets off all of the action.

The little pigeon's the one who does it actually. The pigeon, it like shits on this guy and the pigeon then sacrifices itself because the guy starts like spraying up into the rafters. And then like a fucking angel, like there's Jean-Claude like in front of him out of nowhere. He rides a paper mache pelican towards them. That's also another awesome part. There's so many, like, he makes up, because they're seriously like 40 guys. So he makes appearances to like different waves of these dudes as they come in.

Yeah, one of which is mounted on a paper mache pelican, and it's amazing. You know what I think he does not do in this movie is the patented Van Damme split? The split doesn't have a lot of spin kicks. A lot of things. A lot of things. There's a whole ton of spin here. This is like the hey day spin kick.

and it's it's great like the form is perfect it's really perfect the ten girls get into it too like i was thinking back like what was the last you know movie i saw jean claude in and it was expendables too where he's he's playing a great villain like that's not a sequel that really holds a candle to the original i mean neither of them are great movies but i thought the sequel was kind of bad but he's an awesome villain in that movie and you see him like doing the spin kick and it's not entirely there anymore which is a little sad. This is prime cut spin kick and there's a ton of them. Almost as good as death warrant.

I'm going to put that almost as good as death warrant. I mean it's and what's great too is he's doing a lot of like I'm just going to high kick you like in the chest to get you away from me but because John Wu's behind the camera I've got a bunch of guns in both hands and I'm just going to keep shooting

you in the stomach like 40 times it's insane. It's so insane. It's wasteful is what it is And JCVD and Vuslu have a Nick Cage, John Travolta Oh yeah Split screen moment Which is pretty cool Which is fantastic

I kind of am a little let down Because I want to see you I think like Vuslu is made up to be this big heavy And you almost think I mean like yeah Henriksen's the devil himself But like maybe they're going to get into You know Vuslu's going to kill

Henrickson and take over the operation Which is you see from time to time with the number two You never know where it's going to happen. No, and it could totally happen here because Arnold Vassu's, one, we know him as playing the mummy. So it's like, well, anything kind of weird and paranormal could happen at any second with Arnold Vassel as far as I'm concerned. But, you know, yeah, he could be like, you know what? I'm sick and tired of this. Like I told you how to take him out.

I told you to leave the country when we should have. Now we're in this mess. Blam. I'm going to blow your brains out. I'm going to take care of this. He does have a totally awesome death in this movie. He does. Yeah.

Because they wind up like shit. shooting it out and then Van Dam like slides under a table and fucking blows him away and he's like pulling out a grenade like with his last breath I stay you know from hell's heart I stab at thee you know and then like Van Dam just like nope just like cherry picks this grenade out of his hand and just lets Vaslu die which is awesome but for some reason so like it was the idea was all right uncle dude uncle blanket you go uh you go up to and get the cops because I guess maybe three towns over maybe the cops are on strike. And by the way, New Orleans is on fire. Maybe you want to tell them that, too. Can you swing next door to Texas and pick up some police officers please? And you know, he's on his way and then he's like,

I'm not going to ask the government for help and he goes around. He's like, I want to fucking fix it my goddamn self. Like that I feel was a script rewrite. Yeah. Now, wait a second. Goddammit. All I do is pussyfoot back to the authorities. I do not think so, God damn.

He's a killer machine. You got to know that by now. He's a killing machine. Uncle Duvay's a killing machine, God damn. And I want to kill. I appreciate you send him a character around boots. I do appreciate that. Don't get me wrong, John.

But please, for the love of God, let me kill a bunch of people right now. So Brimley storms back into this place. And it's kind of weird because, like, you know, she's following behind him, like, I don't think we should be doing this. Yeah, she Butler. Yeah, we're talking about 50 minutes.

Because her character, her motivation's gone. No, because we're not searching for the dad anymore, so it's pointless. Daddy's dead. Yeah. Daddy is totally dead. She should just get killed. That would actually kind of like motivate Van Dam more. Yeah.

You know, or she's taken hostage or something. And the sex scene's removed, so we don't even know what her investment in this guy is. No, none whatsoever. Like, he's sort of like getting her out of danger, but not really. That makes the snake scene really weird because it's a big, like, you need to trust me scene when he's hunting the snake. Like, you have to shut your eyes and then I'm going to. kill this snake and then you'll trust me i guess yeah that's a weird moment but it's weird

because again yeah it doesn't make any sense but also like well how many people like i feel if i saw if i was like kind of interested in like somebody man or woman and i'm like yeah maybe i don't know this look pretty good and then they killed like 40 people i'd be like you know maybe it's not

time to be in a relationship with this person she's totally turned on from from the moment of that street fight back in the beginning of the movie she's like say yeah all right i've never seen a man throw another man through a window for me before. So Brimley goes to Are You Afraid of the Dark Factory and bring

And you know, Yasmin Yance, I keep wanting to say it But Yancey follows it, which Blade follows him. Yeah, there you go. And he comes in with this huge bow and arrow and like This one dude is like About to fire at someone or Van Dam

or something and he puts an arrow Through the back of this dude's neck And out the throat baby. Oh, it's all Queen's last stand and it's beautiful it's just it's like one last ride I gotta do it it's awesome there's a moment in this movie where Lance Hendrickson is set on fire and like he's trying to get the jacket off but there's a moment where he's just he's totally deviling out yeah yeah like he's engulfed in like a circle of flame his jacket's on fire and he's trying to take it off but he's also like feeling the burn a little bit and he as an actor is like oh yeah and I'm like oh man

he's loving being on fire this dude's a villain because the fire was more of an inconvenience it's just another thing to slow him down it's just like fucking man I'm just trying to kill people here there's a moment in this movie where I was a little bit scared though

it's when it's when Lance Hendrickson takes an arrow and plunges it into Wilford Brimley's heart oh mercy is this wonderful it is just because you know now Voslu's dead I keep saying

We still don't know if that's offensive, but Baslu is dead. And he, you know, in retribution, big old Uncle Duve is, like, ready to get his arrow out. He's like, oh, no, you don't. I'm the devil. And just fucking stakes him like a vampire. It's amazing. I thought he was going to burst into dust like Buffy. It's right in the heart.

He gets him. And I'm like, oh. And this is after, by the way, he's been shot in the leg at one point. And, like, Yancey Butler's trying to get him up to get out of there. And she's like, can you walk? And he goes, he goes, I can no dance, but I can get up, goddam all. She's like, all right, whatever, just stand up. So, yeah, plunges the man's own arrow into his heart.

Take that, Brimley. As if Van Dam didn't have enough reason to kill Hendrickson. You killed the man who prevented him from being raised by gators. I'm surprised Lance Hendrickson didn't blow on it and turn it into a fire arrow and then plunge it into his heart. He just kisses it and it just lights on fire. And then like the fire instantly spreads all over Wilfrid Brimley because it's magic devil fire. That would be cool.

Rupert Murdoch is just like, hey, Andrickson, I'm going to go. It's getting weird in here. It's getting a little weird. I called my own chopper. We're going to get out of here. Me and Zuckerberg are going to go watch porno in my helicopter. Plus, I got an island already. Oh, man.

I never knew what my life's ambition is. I guess watching pornography and a helicopter's got to be up there, right? Like, that's, that means you've made it. Well, you've got to have, like, those headphones on the whole time, so it's a real immersive experience. And you're also just, like, ignoring all of nature's majesty just for pornography. In favor? You ignore the Grand Canyon in favor of pornography. Steve, I don't want to break your heart or nothing, but they don't let you bring iPads on, like, those helicopter tours of New York. Oh, no, it's got to be a tube television.

That means I've made it. built into the helicopter Steve you're missing it Look it's the Galapagos Island Steve you're missing it I've seen it And I've seen her too But not in this one

So it's down to Jean-Claude and Lance And of course Yasmin The only reason she's here Is to be And of course Yansi The only reason she's still in this movie

Is to be kidnap bait And there you know He's got an arrow to her throat It's another arrow to her throat. And he, there's a weird line here because he's got his god killer out. But one hand is totally occupied. Oh, yeah. It's a weird line.

And he just turns to her and he's like, load me. Oh, go on. And she's like, ew, but okay. I'll do it, but seriously, ew. And she like drops this, like, big old, you know, block out the sun bullet into this thing, you know. But he says it from the fucking bottom of it. He's like, load me. Oh, yeah, dude.

It's a real hoo-ha delivery. Gutter all, yeah. He is having a blast in this movie. He is, and that's what's awesome about it is you can tell that he's just eating it up. He's having, everyone's having, listen, this might not be the best movie in the world, clearly. Everyone had a great time making this movie. Supposedly Van Dam didn't get along with John Wu too well, obviously. You can tell, well, that's the thing.

He's the weak link in this movie because of it. Yeah. Everyone else is having a total blast except for Van Dam, and he's kind of a sourpuss this whole movie. He's a little bit. of a Debbie Downer and you're like eh I mean whatever you're still doing the spin kicks you're still shooting all sorts of people

the stunt works fantastic but everyone else is having a great time and you're just the one outside the pool like I don't want to go swimming like that's what's happening here and it's unfortunate but it doesn't ruin the movie so we've got our standoff I don't even know how this kind of happens

basically it's a kick right he just runs up and gives him a good old kick yeah it's I mean it's some nonsense where like she's able to push him and run out of the way and then Van Dam runs at him and High kicks him does a little like Lukang kick to the chest

before the gun can go off at him and Henrickson like goes flying back it's pretty awesome and he throws a grenade I'm sorry doesn't he stick a grenade down his pants he sticks the grenade down his pants and then like kicks him and he goes flying into like another you know destitute

float that's just sitting around which is exactly what I want this guy I want him to die from the balls up like yeah that's that's the end of this character that I want and it just doesn't happen unfortunately it is kind of still hilarious though because like van dam and and yancey butler like run away or something and hendrikson pulls out their grenade and he like pulls the fuse away from it and he's like ah and then like the fuse kind of still makes a connection somehow and he just goes whoop and explodes yeah it's still

totally awesome it is awesome uh and the fun the weird thing is obviously wilford brimley didn't actually die. Uncle Duveh was, oh no, I was, I was stabbed in my flask. You know, like, I mean, it's what's great, though, is he's like, no, the real catastrophe was this was killed, Goddam. And he just, like, holds up this, like, nice, like, leather bound flask with a hole in it. The weird thing is, like, it's, it's JCVD Uncle Duve to the end. But at the end, Uncle Duvei knows he's still alive. I guess he's just taken arrest? Yeah, well, it's like, I did my part, God damn all. I'm going to sit down a rest now,

Goddam all. You started this, you finish it, Godam, all. These guys are like, I'll figure it out. If I need to, I can get him. You know, John, I know I'm supposed to get up during this last scene here, but, uh, let's just call it, I'm tired.

John, we could use my flask, my personal flask. Yep, just go let me empty it here. Okay. Now the hole you're going to put in, it's a fake hole, right? I'm not going to stab my flask. That's just ridiculous. That was the only CGI in the movie. They had to do it. I guess we could paint a blue dot on it. It was 1993, so we went into MS paint and just put a bunch of dots all over. John Wu is like sleeping in his hotel. It's like the last week of shooting 3 a.m. Boom, boom, boom. God! Are you home in a flask? In this script, John, you're harming the flash. Yes.

God damn it. Oh, God. Why didn't it get Alan Alder? Alan Alder would have totally done this. Man, Alan Alder is, that would have been great. You know, Alan Alder plays a real scumbag on that, the blacklist. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's pretty great.

It's him, it's him being, like, rich and villainous. That's fun. Yeah, totally. So like any kick-ass movie should This movie just ends There's no like she's in her blue convertible Driving back to Michigan And then he's like on second thought

Maybe I will hit you ride Yeah Like it's just like that's it dude Credits while still in the nightmare factory Q born on the bayou It's just the only way you could end it couldn't you Hey can someone get that nail I have to hit it on the head real quick

Before the movie's over with The question to everyone, I'm sorry on it, we don't know if he gets his boat. We don't know if he pays his union dues. All of that gets... Yeah, I don't know if he gets shipped out to sea. I don't know if his records start selling. I mean, the last shot is him, you know, passing Bob Dylan, but... He does at least get a chance to sing to his father before he goes off in life.

Yeah, I guess we really would be the John Goodman of that. He is the John Goodman. Size-wise, vice-wise. It's all there. It's all there. Yeah. Traditionally. Would anybody recommend Hard Target?

Well, that's a silly question. I know, it's silly, but it's the format of the show. Yes, of course, we would recommend Hard Target. This movie's great. Another We Love Movies Week, twice in a month. Thanks, Brett. Yeah, oh, hey, Brett, thanks. A big thank you.

This was, I mean, it's a treat yourself kind of day. Oh, it's a total treat yourself. Look, you know, Chris and I saw this movie about two years ago. I think Eric had seen it a ton of. It was always on our radar, but it was always just that nice bottle of whiskey. You're like, no, it's not quite so special yet. But, you know, it's a nice day. Yeah, but today, you know, you stay home from work.

You just never take a shower. Yeah. You're just watching hard target with your day. I mean, we said that we only, we did. We watched it once before, but it kind of counts as to you because we were holding on a paused frame of Brimley on the horse for 93 minutes. Yeah. So technically it kind of counts twice. Oh, yeah.

That's a Dom de Louise laughter situation. Oh, you want to make sure you use. every last drop of laugh juice when that's happening, man, because it is great. It's, I want like a jiff of that. Word to the internet. Someone make a jiff of him riding away

from a fireball on a horse because it's great and I'd love to look at it every day. It's so awesome. Just feel good about yourself. Or if you want to write slash fiction about Wilford Brimley, no horse. I mean, I guess it's not really slash fiction. That's chop fiction. I think that's what you would have to call it.

That's John Woo Hard Target from 1993. Thank you very much. Brett from Wisconsin, that was a fantastic pick. If you want to get a hold of us or find out more information about the program, you can check out our website, WHM Podcast.com. We're on Facebook. We're on Twitter at WHM Podcast. You can write us. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. Subscribe to this show and our sister show, Blame it on Outerspace in iTunes.

Rate and review there. Both shows are also on the Stitcher Radio app. If you get us there, rate and review. If you get us on Podbean, write us there. if you can. I don't know how a pod bean works. Any of these pod catchers, wherever you get us, right in review, helps the profile of the show. We would greatly appreciate it. A hint for next week's episode. It's an appearance of our good friend Harvey Firestein.

There we go. An appearance by Harvey Firesteen. In some way or another, Harv is associated with next week's film. That's it. Until next week, I'm Andrew Juppen. Stephen Say that. Chris Gavin.

Take it easy. Wakey, wakey, wakey, fat, fuck! Yeah!