We Hate Movies - S4 Ep154: Hail Caesar

Episode Date: April 22, 2014

In this week's episode, the gang tackles the laughless, Anthony Michael Hall passion project, Hail Caesar! How did something like this get the green light? Why did Robert Downey agree to this nothing ...role? And how dare they drop a secret music video into this film? PLUS: The search for laughs turns up zero results. Hail Caesar stars Anthony Michael Hall, Bobbie Phillips, Leslie Danon, Samuel L. Jackson, Judd Nelson, Robert Downey Jr., Robert Downey Sr., and Frank Gorshin; directed by Anthony Michael Hall... for some reason. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey Chicago and other surrounding or outlying areas just wanted to put a reminder out there Saturday night, May 3rd at 8 p.m. We're doing We Hate Movies Chicago at the Lincoln Loft and we will be discussing, man, Blues Brothers 2000. Aren't you jealous? You're not going to be there to fucking sit through that shit? I am not. I am really, I don't remember. I just remember a blur of terrible from that movie. That's all I got. I think that's what most of the reviews said was it's just a blur of terrible. Yeah, I'm a little jealous to be on this. I will be out there hosting the show
Starting point is 00:00:39 along with our good buddy NWHM disaster movie expert Justin J. Case, along with a couple other of our Chicago friends. We're going to be putting on this show. There are still some tickets available. You can go to the Lincolnloft.com or visit the Lincolnloft on Facebook. There's an event bright page
Starting point is 00:00:56 where all you got to do is go up there, man. Reserve your ticket. you will be good to go there's going to be beer there's going to be clips from the movie there's going to be more beer which is necessary for something like this and we're all going to sit around
Starting point is 00:01:11 and talk about this catastrophic cinematic event that you know the first movie it's like the most famous Chicago Land movie ever and then this movie this sequel of theirs
Starting point is 00:01:27 that didn't even fucking come out in the year 2000. It's like goddamn Inspector Gadget. It really is. Like, things are popping out of things. Also, let's keep in mind that, you know, this is like a Dan Aykroyd Passion Project. And what's another one of his?
Starting point is 00:01:40 Oh, yeah, Ghostbusters 3. That dude just loves useless sequels. I'm just saying it probably won't be good. Why couldn't I be, but really, why couldn't that's, why couldn't Blues Brothers 2000 have stalled out time after time again? It's Ghostbusters 2000.
Starting point is 00:01:56 I would have much rather Ghostbusters 2000. Just ruin the fucking thing and get it over with and stop with this anticipation. I've said it before on this show, but I am sick and fucking tired of hearing about Ghostbusters 3. Fuck it. I hope it never gets made. But what did get
Starting point is 00:02:12 made was Blues Brothers 2000. They fucking acknowledged that Jake Blues died in prison. My God, this movie. Oh, my fucking Lord. So... Yeah, what time was that again? It's May 3rd, Saturday night. It's a Saturday night, man. Saturday
Starting point is 00:02:28 night in Chicago 8 p.m. at the Lincolnloft at the Lincolnloft.com or check out the Lincoln loft on Facebook. A few tickets remaining. Don't slack Chicago. We'll see you there. Hello, Mandra Jupin. Eric Sis Kavana. And we
Starting point is 00:02:44 hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in to our fine little show. If you're here for the first time, welcome, take off your jacket, have a seat. Get ready to, get ready to snuggle up. Hey, you're in the back. Get that jacket off. Take that jacket off.
Starting point is 00:03:19 And the hat. The stets in two. The hat, the jacket. Get ready to snuggle. It's Anthony Michael Hall's Passion Project, 1994's Hail Caesar So yeah you better pay attention to
Starting point is 00:03:33 God damn it this movie is awful There's nothing good What? What? We watch the same movie? Obviously not I want to be wherever you were I want to be in your like Your fever dream version of this
Starting point is 00:03:46 At the head I will say this of this movie If you were ever like you know We got some younger listeners That were maybe born in the 90s And don't really know what it was like To live in the 90s 90s you know a lot of you know you've seen a bunch of 90s movies
Starting point is 00:04:00 sure yeah you probably saw clueless right but they got it wrong but that was like that was the glam that was like the well no what I'm trying to say here is there's a lot of movies great movies that were made in the 90s that don't feel as dated because they weren't specifically trying to make dated movies
Starting point is 00:04:16 this is so dated it's like you're it's like I'm there in 94 again oh it's a real time capsule motion picture that's for sure funny enough Like the same year, Pulp Fiction came out. You can watch Pulp Fiction in 2014, and you don't really know what year was said in. What's the common thread between these two movies?
Starting point is 00:04:38 One Samuel L. Jackson, which we'll get to. But I mean, this movie is like being thrown... Same year. Being thrown head first into a bugle boy outlet. Oh, and just deal with it. Look around you and take it in, motherfucker. man bugle boy i have not thought about bugle boy denim in a long oh yeah and they the bright colors are all over the fucking place oh you know it was more uh
Starting point is 00:05:04 arizona jeans mm-hmm you know yeah i had a lot of arizona jeans too you know what was the sad thing about me and i was because you know i've always been a bigger guy uh i was a big fan of the big dog t-shirts where you could get like the big dog as like scarface or the big dog oh that blues brother that big dog had a a lot of different incarnations. Yes, he did. He did a lot of sporting events, too. Oh, yeah. He was playing a lot of sports that big dog. I mean, I wasn't, but he was. Well, that was the thing. As long as you wore, as long as you wore a big dog t-shirt where big dog was playing football, it was like you were playing football. I mean, yeah, it was an inspiration. I looked down. I was like, hey, yeah, I'm good enough. I'm doing good.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Now, Chris Cabin shed some light on the next mystery that we have to go along with this motion picture, which is the fact that one of the credits that comes up says, based on a story, by Mark Twain and they don't bother to tell you what it is like usually I mean if it's a story like you want to say it right they say you know like they say the title of the story yeah like unjustified it's like based on fire in the hall yeah you know so you know like what the short story and I'm no no no and I MDB it doesn't even say that it was his source material man mark Twain's I'm db is one less credit that's unbelievable I mean there's probably 300 now on the Mark Twain thing but this is based off of something called the
Starting point is 00:06:25 Capitoline Venus, which was a short story of his, and it's kind of, I read it today, and it kind of goes along like a play. And it's basically about a man who wants to marry a girl, but he's an artist, he's a sculptor. And to get the money to impress her father,
Starting point is 00:06:49 right, his friend essentially butchers one of his one of his pieces buries it and pretends that like it was some old fossil and like when they pull it out
Starting point is 00:07:03 wow they think it's based on a pretty famous swindle from our own New York called the Cardiff Giant which is this great hoax about like an atheist buried a statue of
Starting point is 00:07:17 a made up giant Yeah, a little, I don't know if you knew this, Chris, that was mentioned on Blame It on Outerspace. Episode episode on Giants. There you go. Blame it on Outerspace.com at BlameSpacepot on Twitter. Boom. You're right. I was like, that, why is that ringing a bell? Yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:07:35 Because disaster expert Justin J. Kates was on there, too, I think. Wow, it's all coming back to me. Wow, this episode's really making a lot of connections. Yes. So the piece, Twain's piece, was based off of that hoax. So I can, you know, so from that description of the short story, we'll see how the film, you know, kind of took from that story. Put that in your back pocket and sit back. We'll see if that happens again. So Anthony Michael Hall, you know, always the nerd, never the bride, you know.
Starting point is 00:08:09 Until today. Exactly. Well, actually, no, because he had made, um, this was 93 he had made what was that movie johnny be good where he's the he's the quarterback that's like but that's 89 that's what i'm saying though so like he was now into this like i can be the cool guy thing because what's so obnoxious about this movie is how ultra cool this dude thinks he is and he's like the most obnoxious like hummingbird in your ear kind of character that's the thing is that you think it's a parody at first you think he's making fun of this character no the first like couple things you're like oh obviously you can't
Starting point is 00:08:49 take this guy for serious i mean look look at this look what he's doing i think this was like you know his interpretation of like what it was to be like a really cool dude in 1993 los angeles like it's i think it's like that specific that's what this character is what's weird though and i think eric i said this to you the first time i watched this was this is a movie with a plot that feels very 1980s and we've dealt with these movies before and I can't recall what specifically now but these movies where it's a 1980s plot stuck in a 1990s movie and it just doesn't work like that shit just does not compute like the jokes you're trying to tell the style of humor you're trying to use it's the style of humor I think that really does it because this is a very precise very dry very
Starting point is 00:09:38 you know this is this supposed to be a little meta if if i'm never going to say that ever again but it's supposed to be kind of distanced and like detached from all this stuff and this never finds that tone at all like it wants to be that movie but it can't figure out exactly what it should be it can't and you know you got a lot of people running around in this movie that are like names now yeah or were names and then we're kind of in slum that are in this movie. But you think of like Sam Jackson and Robert Downey Jr.'s in this movie. Like
Starting point is 00:10:14 you're looking at all these people like, okay, so I know that this person you know, kind of has this kind of comedic sensibility. You know, like Robert Downey Jr. in this movie, you're like, all right. Oh, I know most recently Robert Downey Jr. is Iron Man. Like, where is the kind of Tony Stark kind of comedy? But he's so
Starting point is 00:10:30 fucking coked out in this movie. It's just, it's unbelievable. I mean, drugs cannot blame, but can't be blamed for all of this. I mean, Drugs should be blamed for most of this movie, but they don't get the whole. They really can't take the whole bullets. Drugs are bad.
Starting point is 00:10:47 Really, really bad. Make you watch Hail Caesar again to you stop smoking that pot. And I mean, Anthony Michael Hall has this fucking mellow yellow, like, shitty glom of hair. It's disgusting. And it also changes color in the movie, by the way. So really quickly, like the gist of this film,
Starting point is 00:11:07 he is a guy who's fucking god-given name is julius caesar by the way mggeruder julius caesar mcruiter so he calls himself julius caesar ad nauseum yeah of course sure but you're gonna milk that shit till the cows come home your little julius mcruiter that's what you are oh julius mcruiter i'm gonna be a i'm gonna be a big rock and roll star someday and i'm gonna go by julius caesar and i'm gonna treat everybody like shit. They're all going to get shit. He treats everyone
Starting point is 00:11:41 like fucking shit in this way. He stumps on any throat he can. So he's this guy. He's Julius Caesar Magruder. He's an orphan. His parents left him this big house. His parents were archaeologists specializing in like Greek and Roman history
Starting point is 00:11:57 and stuff. It's the name. There's a sign by the way it's like a newspaper cut out that he's framed. He's framed a thing of his parents' death. Why would you frame this? It says that his parents were eaten by cannibals. Motherfuckers got this frame.
Starting point is 00:12:13 Because, you know, I think he's like, you know, he probably has like a Julius Caesar, you know, kind of complex. And he's like, they're finally gone. I'm going to put their death notice up here because I am the king of this castle now. But he has it in, like, he's front hallway. Like, put that in, like, the closet. Like, just so, like, I can imagine if you want to make this character dark, he's got an empty room. what used to be his parents' room and he's got this
Starting point is 00:12:38 this hang these like this like plastered or framed all over that room and he just walks in there as like oh I fucking hate life but like that I can imagine but he just has this thing fucking there for everybody to see guests
Starting point is 00:12:53 and like excuse me honey I'm going to go seethe in my dead parents room I'll be back in 15 angry minutes yeah that's not going to be good for the real estate salesman when he has to come back so he's an orphan He's got this house, and you know, you have this kind of situation where you've inherited this house, probably a little bit of money. And you think maybe I'll invest it in a college education, make my parents proud?
Starting point is 00:13:16 No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, let's just blow it on, presumably drugs and rock and roll dreams, man. And here we go. And it's this kind of movie, right? Where he's in a band that's terrible. They're barely a band. They've got two songs or something like that. And you know what their name is?
Starting point is 00:13:34 it's the titular hail Caesar yeah it's the very same and uh they're terrible they've never really had that many gigs you don't really see them play a gig in this movie but it's the whole like we just got to get that demo cut and then we're going to be working at the record company and all of this shit and we're going to be super famous it's not like pursuing uh rock and roll earnestly it's like a get rich quick scheme yes exactly and it's it just reminded you of all those dudes in high school that were in a band, right? And it's like, man, all we got to do
Starting point is 00:14:09 is just get the demo to the label. Just once the label hears it, that's it. And then, you know, demo plus label equals dollar signs, bro. Let's do it. Yeah, but Airheads did it so much better. Oh, Airheads did it way fucking better. And that's like the same time.
Starting point is 00:14:26 I think maybe a year later or something like that. Yeah, it's the same air. I mean, it's like 95, 96, I want to say. Yeah. And also, the great thing about Airheads, those dudes are making like music of the time like they're kind of like a grunge band almost maybe more on like the metal side it's more of a metal I mean they're trying to be like anthrax kind of yes yeah yeah yeah you're right and like this movie like you hear these this Hail Caesar play a tune and he's trying to do like super cool like fuck rock you know what I mean I mean it's not fart rock by the way it's it's specifically fuck rock like she's coming over and you can't even fucking take it anymore. I mean, that's a poor example.
Starting point is 00:15:10 No, it's not. There is a song where it's just like, high heels, black dress, fucking her. And like, that's the whole fucking song, man. You sound like an asshole. Man, I remember, reminded me of this time, me
Starting point is 00:15:26 and our good buddy, Steve Sadek and disaster movie expert Justin J. K.S. and our friend Sean Winer, who's been on the show a bunch of times. we were at this bar in upstate New York and it was a train station central bar
Starting point is 00:15:42 you know what I mean so it's one of those bars I have an idea of where this was yeah it's an Irish bar up there yeah no I know what you're talking about quote Irish bar by the way anyway I'll make this quick there's a shitty band playing
Starting point is 00:15:54 it's a shitty band called four dogs playing poker oh come on it's a cover band right and we're just watching these dudes play and they're playing like fuck songs right the same thing right this this singer wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses inside it's like it's like a friday night and he's like yeah oh yeah who's ready to rock tonight yeah it's fucking friday isn't it ladies and gentlemen yeah we're all gonna get fuck tonight we were all like wait pardon well just just stop taking a sip of our warm beer for a second wait what did you wait by you by the four dogs playing poker i'm talking to you
Starting point is 00:16:33 say that'd be great he just calls his name steve runs out yeah yeah anyway it's not it's not poker the game it's poke her yeah but you wouldn't know that unless you bought one of their t-shirts that were for sale so this movie he wants to make a name for himself in this band but yeah more importantly he just wants to make a quick buck and it's him a bass player who's this girl annie and then this drummer who's from russia named vlad and he's just a fucking cartoon character of a Russian person. Big time. It's like offensive.
Starting point is 00:17:07 And also it's like, it's fucking 1993. Like, Cold War's over, man. Stop with Russian caricatures. Wait until 2014. Then you can pick it back up again. It's appropriate now. It wasn't appropriate in 1993. Just had to wait it out, man.
Starting point is 00:17:23 So the other, the other thorn in his side, the other part of his life is he's got this lady friend, his girlfriend, who's named Buffer. A buffer. What kind of name is that? I don't even know. This actress, I forget her name, but she's done a whole lot of red shoe diaries. She's done a whole lot of red shoe diaries.
Starting point is 00:17:42 But where I remember her from is she plays Bambi. Wait, wait. A scientist. This is sounding familiar. A scientist named Bambi on the X-Files. Yes. Yes. And the War of the Coppaphages.
Starting point is 00:17:57 The one with the cockroaches, where the cockroaches are killing people. That's right. She's the, she's the scientist named Bambi and I was like Mandy, whatever, yeah. Yeah, two fucking stupid-ass names, huh, honey? So she's buffer and she's rich
Starting point is 00:18:10 and she's a total like, Daddy, oh, oh my God, Daddy, buy me a new car. Oh, good, you know. And by the way, her father is what he likes to call an honest arms dealer. He's just, but he's got his
Starting point is 00:18:25 scuzzy hands in a lot of operations, including we'll find out an eraser factory. Right, yeah. So, I mean, he's just a cartoon character. He's a cartoon, he's like a cartoon conservative, right? There's a gigantic Reagan painting in his office. He's got like a bar with a Reagan painting.
Starting point is 00:18:43 And he didn't even hang it up. He just has it on the counter. Because he always wants to be eye level with Ronald Reagan at all times. He's just got to swivel that desk chair around. He respects him, but he's not going to look up to him. We're equals. And you know what? He knows that Reagan would have approved that.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Yeah. Oh, I get it. You want me at high level. We're not better than anyone else. Makes a lot of sense to me, sir. Except for the poor. Except for the poor and the Jews and the blacks and the gays and the lesbians. Well, everybody else.
Starting point is 00:19:15 Make sure your servants crawl on the floor in front of my day. Speaking of servants and speaking of a slum in it, so we get a scene where Julius goes to visit Buffer at her huge McMansion, answering the door. Robert Downey Not RDJ The Papa Bear RDS
Starting point is 00:19:38 Yeah RDS Yeah And the butler Your hat flies off Your head watching this So take him off It's unbelievable
Starting point is 00:19:47 I mean he is He's a great filmmaker His movies are fucking hilarious Like that guy Really did stuff You know in the 60s And in the 70s He's a super sweet guy
Starting point is 00:20:00 I got to meet him one time Fantastic dude Dude. Did you ask him about Hail Caesar? No, I didn't know about it at the time. This was like five, six years ago. I wish I did. No, but like the door opens and I'm like, oh, no.
Starting point is 00:20:15 This is and this is what this is, right? Because also R.D.J. is in the movie. But you figure, right? Like one day R.D.J. goes up to RDS and he's like, hey, Pop, got to ask you a favor. Remember my annoying friend that you hate, AMH?
Starting point is 00:20:32 Yeah, AMH is making a movie. Oh, that's great. That's great. Another friend of yours making a movie. He's like, now listen, he needs some help with it. Maybe throw him a couple thousand dollars. And I don't know, maybe you could play a role in it, Dad. Like, wouldn't that be great?
Starting point is 00:20:48 You love acting, right? It's a comedy. You made a lot of comedies. This would be great. Just playing this butler. And it's really shitty. And I don't know. And this is another thing I was talking about of like a lot of mixed messages
Starting point is 00:21:02 and mixed styles and everything in this movie a lot of RDS's movies just because of the nature of the way he was making them there's a lot of bad ADR going on there's a lot of just bad dubbing and sometimes intentionally bad dubbing in this movie inhale Caesar all of RDS's lines are bad
Starting point is 00:21:20 dubs like it's all him like just being snooty because he also hates Julius understandably you know it's one of those things where like this dude's not even good enough in the butler's eyes kind of a thing and he'll make these noises when he answers the door for Anthony Michael Hall like and it's just these fucking noises and Robert Downey Sr. is not even making them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:41 It's like fun. Do you think that was like homage to his short films and stuff or was it just poor filmmaking on Anthony Michael Hall? I'm going to go with Choice B. Yeah, you know what? It was intended as Choice A, but it was definitely a product of Choice B. See, but that's, I wonder if Anthony Michael Hall actually tried to sell him on this. Like, look, I'm adapting on Mark Twain's story. I have this really, like, interesting take-out.
Starting point is 00:22:10 It's going to be, like, really, like, dry, ironic humor. And, you know, we're going to, like, we're going to take a look at this fucking generation, man. And, like, I mean, I mean, yeah, once, I mean, once, I mean, what you saw the daily. We're just taking a look, by the way. Just just peek in a little bit. We're not saying anything. We're not learning anything. We're not trying to change anything.
Starting point is 00:22:28 Just take a little look at this. and he saw the dailies and he shit himself and like I refuse to talk in this motion picture now yeah now see if you can have me in your movie because I mean the art I mean of all the things I know I mean it's the artiness of it that really drives me nuts the artiness the like the forced like the way certain lines are being delivered the way he's swiveling his head at all times
Starting point is 00:22:55 there's a whole lot of talking to the camera in this movie like it's like one of the the major things is a monologue he has at the beginning where he's just fucking here's what it is right so it's the statue it's a fake venus demilo statue and there's a guitar slung around it okay because that's what we're doing here this is if you go see hail caesar in concert there's a fucking shitty plaster venus de milo statue with a guitar slung over its shoulder right and then these arms as if illusion itself is taking place come out from behind the armless Venus de Milo can you fucking stomach how cool this is so far? Oh my God, what's happening? And then we're just, we get some hot
Starting point is 00:23:40 licks on this guitar man and you're like oh, great. And then he peeks out and he's like, oh, didn't see you there. How'd you enjoy my fucking pussy killing guitar list? And then Marcus the tech guy's like, will you get the fuck off the stage? Oh, that's the best part. And it's this
Starting point is 00:23:57 totally like unexplained situation where this guy is like, hey, Buddy, why don't you get out of here? Soundcheck ended an hour ago? It's like, what venue is this? What band is actually playing? What the fuck are you doing? How did you get in here?
Starting point is 00:24:10 It's a question for the character in this situation, and it's a question for Anthony Michael Hall in the director's chair of this movie. How did you get in here? I think it's possible that this club exists in the basement of his McMansion. He just got a guy down there. And Hail Caesar Cave and get booked in his own goddamn palace. he hired a guy get the fuck out
Starting point is 00:24:33 he hired a guy not knowing and the guy didn't know that he had a band and he goes up he's like yeah no you're not good that so they're having
Starting point is 00:24:42 a band practice oh yeah by the way I'm sorry we just have to quickly mention he does an insanely bad British accent
Starting point is 00:24:48 at the start of this too because there's like a fake out like oh you thought I was a British musician but I'm not isn't that great it's just my mind just keeps
Starting point is 00:24:58 getting blown by Anthony Michael Hall in this movie ironically while Anthony Michael Hall is blowing himself while making this movie it's a real snake eating itself situation here so yes he's at
Starting point is 00:25:10 band practice one day and there's a there's a there's a dog that he's got and the dog named chaos which is great and so this dog this dog hates the mailman and who do we see strolling up the block whistling a jaunty tune
Starting point is 00:25:28 Sam Jackson as this fucking male man, dude. And like, yeah, it's, it's 94. Yeah. Sam Jackson's not a big star yet. But by the way, you can you know, he was on the cusp of stardom because his cult fiction came out the same year and you can actually see. He'd done some Spikeley movies
Starting point is 00:25:44 since then also. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good fellas. They do the right thing. But he has the sideburns. You're right. And the gartee of like, it looks like he's either like, he's like growing it in or shaving it off or something. It's like in between the jewels.
Starting point is 00:26:00 character of Pulp Fiction. You're totally right. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, it's either just after Pulp Fiction or he's gearing up for it and he was like, fuck it, I'll do this piece of shit mailman roll before I go work with the Reservoir Dogs guy. And I mean, do you want to talk about
Starting point is 00:26:16 the picket off the bottom of your fucking shoe jokes? It's the fucking mailman and the dog joke and that's all he's there for. And Sam Jackson, by the way, doesn't even get to have a joke about how it's clearly a racist this dog. This dog doesn't
Starting point is 00:26:32 fuck with anybody else, but the poor black male man. That's a thing that's happening and nobody addresses this. That's a weird thing. White dog, right? It's not white dog. Sam Fuller's white dog, dude, exactly. That's a good movie. That is a good movie. But yeah,
Starting point is 00:26:50 so like this whole, and this is the kind of humor I can't stand in movies like this where we're like just flagrantly defying the laws of physics for no reason. Like, If you want to have your dog attack the mailman, that's fine. It's a dumb joke, but just have the dog like jump the fence or something. Run out the doggy door and attack the mailman.
Starting point is 00:27:10 No, no, no, no. Because this dog is a gigantic menacing Rottweiler named Chaos, motherfuckers got to jump up on the front door and knock the shit off the hinges, crushing Samuel L. Jackson beneath this door. Give me a break. Yeah, and then the wily coyote runs by. but the thing is it's like it's it's one of these you know early mid-90s kind of indie comedies so it they all all of them almost all of them are self-important cartoons yeah yeah and it's just like
Starting point is 00:27:42 it's insane and it's all like a lot of it is just vignettes and it's all back the worst production value you can ever get another giganticly obvious and confusing rip-off in this movie Sam Jackson's theme song is totally just like a blatant rip-off of the Seinfeld theme song. It's like, you see him walking and it's just this electronic bass noise going do do-do do-de-do-do-do-do-do-d-d-d-d-d-d-
Starting point is 00:28:10 And I'm like, okay, everybody fucking knows what the Seinfeld theme song sounds like when you're making this movie, you know, in 1993. Like, the show's out, it's popular. Don't, what the, what the fuck are you even doing? I mean, it's just
Starting point is 00:28:26 one of those things where whenever I hear a like a plucked bass, I'm like, oh, Seinfeld? Like whenever I, you know, it could be in the middle of a song and it just plunk. So yeah, you have to be aware of that. You have to be aware of what your time is. I feel like this was also just like, yeah, that's fine. Let's just keep going. Yeah. You know, like, we'll finish the movie quick. Come on. So, yeah, he's got it. He's, you see that what the tension in this movie is, is Annie, the bass player, who's really intimate. making this band work and then the
Starting point is 00:28:59 Russian fellow there he could go either way I mean he's eaten toes or something and then there's there's Julius Caesar and they got this band she really wants to make this band work and he is in this tug of war like my dedication to the band versus my dedication to
Starting point is 00:29:16 buffer so it's the old like oh man I was supposed to big buffer up an hour ago hops in his shitty motorcycle with side car because that shit never stops being hilarious. I guess. And then he drove it to Garden State.
Starting point is 00:29:31 You know the one time those fucking vehicles were funny in duck soup? It's the only time. And it's like, that's not the only time there's a weird Marks Brothers thing in this movie. Because when we see RDS answering the door, he's doing the Groucho Marx's like long stride walk that he would do. Like he does that when he walks away from the door. I'm like, why do we need these homages to a great fucking comedy team?
Starting point is 00:30:00 Like, get the Marx brothers out of this Hail Caesar movie, Anthony Michael Hall. I mean, that's what this movie is. I mean, it really is one of those movies that tries to, like, we're not going to have a tone because having a tone would be buying into the whole fucking thing, man. Yeah. And like, but there are movies like that.
Starting point is 00:30:17 And, I mean, like Robert Downey Sr.'s movies where they work with that. Because you have a certain idea of what the non, tone is going to be. But with this movie, though, it's like, you know, and yeah, you got like RDS here and whatever. Like, you're not making fucking Babo 73 or Greaser's Palace or, you know, any of those. Like, you're making this movie that's not saying something.
Starting point is 00:30:41 And the unfortunate thing is every one of Robert Downey Sr.'s movies has some fucking message to it in some way or another. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. There's a point to this. Wait a minute. My movie's got to have a point. Oh, God. Oh, okay. Well, my point is I'm a cool guy. I play guitar sometimes. And I'm willing to bet on my fiancé.
Starting point is 00:31:04 Oh, this bet, by the way. So we'll get to that. So it's this whole thing where they're supposed to go out on a date. She's pissed at him because he's late or whatever. And they do this thing where he goes, you know, RDS lets him in the house and he's waiting in the foyer there, you know. And she comes down the stairs and it's like the classic Hollywood, you know, beautiful girl coming down the stairs the sweeping
Starting point is 00:31:25 music and boy oh boy do we get a hilarious record scratch sound and she turns into a whole fucking bitch oh no for what it's like she's smiling at him and then it's like record scratch and she like drops the smile
Starting point is 00:31:42 where have you been she's like uh you're late and I'm like oh wow I was fooled by this movie oh my god why wouldn't you make like the whole like a spoiler alert the whole movie is about how how he has to prove his love for this woman. Why not make her kind of likable?
Starting point is 00:31:58 Like even kind of likeable. Just kind of. I mean, yeah. Other than just this terrible person who rides him the whole time. Yeah. And then hates her father. There's no point in pursuing this girl. No.
Starting point is 00:32:14 I mean, it's her and Annie. And Annie's like a non-person. The only lines I hear from her are, well, you got to do the practice. Oh my God, Julie. You're going to be late for the practice again. There's badness to be better, Julius. We had that last kick and it totally tanked. You need to be here at practice, Julius.
Starting point is 00:32:30 Like, that's that character. Yeah. Who, spoil alert, he fucking winds up with at the end of this movie for no good goddamn reason. Oh, I'll tell you the reason. What's that? Hot sex. No, no, she's just there. Yeah, you got that straight.
Starting point is 00:32:46 That's how picky, Julius sees it is. I had to tell the guys when I came in the room here is that I just didn't. know her name. Well, why would you? She's supposed to, apparently she's the love of his life at the end of this movie. I have no idea what her fucking name is. So for the moment, he's still pursuing Buffer and the, her
Starting point is 00:33:05 old man does not like Julius Caesar. He brandishes a gun. Just waving his gun around wildly. Am I wrong? Is there a gun noise sound effect in this scene, too? I might have hallucinated it. A gun goes off. He fires a gun at this case.
Starting point is 00:33:21 A gun. So what, yeah, what happens is like and this it's another thing like the really shoddy editing in this movie and you're like you said chris it feels like a lot of vignettes a lot of times there's these scenes that we're just trying to pass the time until we can connect to the other vignette so like when he picks her up they're supposedly going on this date but all you see of them is like they're at a lover's lane type thing for two seconds she doesn't want to have anything to do with them so they drive home and And then he's like, oh, by the way, I can't go to your big party buffer because I have band practice. And she calls him a selfish jerk.
Starting point is 00:33:57 And then that's it. And then the next, it's like, and then he just has to go to the band and be like, oh, by the way, can't make practice. Got to go to Buffers party. This episode's brought you in part by Rocket Money. And they have this question for you. They handed to me just now. Mr. Rocket just handed me this. Do you know how much your subscriptions really cost?
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Starting point is 00:37:03 And now we're just back at the fucking rich guy's house that we were just at four minutes ago. Like, it's so poorly constructed this movie. Oh yeah. Also, on top of that, for no good reason. We have Julius Caesar back at the door knocking on the door again.
Starting point is 00:37:19 What the fuck do I want to see that again for? He's just, he's wearing a different shirt. It's because you have to get more hilarious gags in with Robert Downey Sr. having dubbed dialogue. Poor man. So she's having this big party or it's the dad's party. I don't, you know,
Starting point is 00:37:35 someone's having a party at this house. And it's all like the swankiest of the swank people, you know. And the dad, by the way, we should mention, he's got this kiss-ass number two. brown-nosed guy. I've just been referring to as dinkus. He's kind of just a dinkist little neocon
Starting point is 00:37:51 piece of shit. Would have worked well at the bad fraternity in PCU. Oh, yeah, balls and shaft. Yeah, balls and shaft. They were on neocons too. By the way, movie put out in 193, 94. Totally. Like, you want that 90s time capsule movie, PCU
Starting point is 00:38:11 to the extreme. Yeah, big time 90s time capsule, but actually I think a good movie, a fun movie. I consider that to be a classic comedy. That movie to me is up there with the best college comedies. How many movies have had the insight to fucking put a whole entire
Starting point is 00:38:29 set from Parliament Funkadelic in the middle of their movies? Not many people have had that. You know what? David Fincher never thought of that shit. Also, you don't see many Portchester Whooping Crings. No, not many. It's true. But like, man, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:44 fucking parliament parliament Funkadelic comes in and plays a set in the middle of Hail Caesar you got yourself a solid C plus could that's I mean but now that's the question does George Clinton in the parliament Funkadelic
Starting point is 00:38:57 rescue this movie because without without the P-Funk All-Stars in PCU it's still a good movie yeah it's just that's like the icing and the cherry on top all in one well my suggestion here's the difference is that in PCU like you there's
Starting point is 00:39:13 Well, there's all these jokes. There's all these wonderful jokes. There's great comedic performances. I mean, John, I mean, back when you cared about Jeremy Piven. Like, before he forced us all to stop caring about Jerry Piven. About what he was doing in general. Like, here's the thing is that in PCU
Starting point is 00:39:31 you get, you go, you have to cut back to what else is going on. There's so many storylines going on that I'm actually invested in. Oh, yeah. So you're paying attention. What, why would I, what I would suggest with the Parliament Funkadelic and their hell Caesar performance would be like you get that intro
Starting point is 00:39:47 and you get the guy to say hey get off the fucking stage will you and then the parliament Funkadelic pays the entire set and that's the movie that's pretty great that's my idea of how Parliament Fuck Delic saves this whole movie well unfortunately at this party there's no George Clinton there's no
Starting point is 00:40:03 Parliament Funkadelic there's just a bunch of stuffed shirts including one played by Cato Kalin oh my god not a line not a line but you you might remember him from such performances as the O.J. Simpson murder trial. You're his finest work today. Yeah. I mean, that's studied. That's studied. Oh, yeah. Dude, that is measured method acting right there.
Starting point is 00:40:25 But there you go. That's another element for your quintessential 90s time. Yeah, you're right. You want to know what this Cato Caelin dude was all about? Well, he's in this movie. I guess a bigger than usual extra. So at this party, important thing to get away from this party is, is that this is where the bet is made. Just like there's a, you know, the bet we've been talking about. Right. But it doesn't even start out as a bet. He just, the father hates Julius Caesar so much. He just offers him $50,000 to not talk to Buffer anymore.
Starting point is 00:40:58 You know what? Take it. Take it. He was just like, are you serious? Which is a good question. And then he ups it to $100,000. Fucking take it. Because here's the other thing.
Starting point is 00:41:09 And I noticed this the second time, oh, man, the second time I watched this movie. And that's, in this situation, this kind of rich dude bet you're making, it's real gentleman's bet. There's no paperwork. This dude's just going to cut you a check for $100,000. Right there. You might just get a fucking briefcase, man. You might not even have to give it to the goddamn government.
Starting point is 00:41:28 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Under the table, 100 grand. Then just turn back around and try to see her again. What's this dude going to do? But also, by the way, she hates your ever-loving guts. Yeah, she's a bad girlfriend. Do it and get out of it.
Starting point is 00:41:43 here man it's so and you know even if you you like what's going on with her like dude it's not going to last forever clearly not you could get a few more in before yeah i mean he's like he's supposed to be what in this movie like 20 21 maybe maybe even younger like i don't know he gets that letter flunking out of college yeah oh right right so yeah he might even be like 18 19 or like that's insane because he's like 35 oh yeah oh yeah but oh yeah but he wrote a that fucking train for a while because let me bring you back to 1990 where he plays a teenager
Starting point is 00:42:19 in fucking Edward Cisorhands and they have the foresight to make it a joke. Yeah, it's kind of his character from Johnny Be Good. It's almost the same Letterman jacket. So the bet is as follows. He has
Starting point is 00:42:35 six months to himself, Julius Caesar, make $100,000 and in that time, he succeeds in making $100,000 in six months or less then the dad has to respect him and he gets
Starting point is 00:42:51 to keep seeing buffer you know and if he fails he's got to get out of town you know he can't see you ever again and this is the major thing it took from the story this was really the only big thing yeah this whole six month timetable to make something of yourself situation
Starting point is 00:43:07 and so this is you'd think like okay well now like we're kicked into high gear like he's really going to start putting the nose to the grindstone writing songs band practice here we go oh what's that side story from out of nowhere the dad is giving him a job at this pencil eraser factory yeah it's like he's gonna help i'll i'll i'll even make it easier for you son i will i will even give you a job you know and the the brown nosers just like what but but the thing is like you know the job less than $200,000 a year. Oh, yeah. You're working in a
Starting point is 00:43:47 fucking factory. It's not like if you go to this job for six months every day, that would be the equivalent of $100,000 and then I will respect you. The guy, like the number two there, like does the math and he's like, you need to make like $4,600
Starting point is 00:44:03 a week or something like that. So it's like, you know, Anthony Michael Hall, Julius, just don't do that. Really try to make something about this record deal. Rob the bank. I don't think a foreman makes that much money.
Starting point is 00:44:19 No, you're not making $100,000 in six months at a fucking eraser factory. You're just not doing it. The eraser factory, by the way, is like a weird shadow company because this dude is like a seedy arms dealer.
Starting point is 00:44:34 And there's some weird weapon shit going on in this movie. The big pink file. Yeah, which file that under who could possibly give a shit. Who could care? And like, this is what this is what I hate about these kind of movies
Starting point is 00:44:48 is because you call out this shit and they're like, well, I mean, look at the movie. It's not supposed to be taken seriously. But then why am I watching it? Why am I watching it? Like, even when you're making absurdist things, you have to care about what you're making absurd.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Oh, yeah. You have to have a handle on it. You just can't put a bunch of shit into a movie And then when it is inevitably terrible, then turn around and be like, well, you're not supposed to take it that series. I mean, we didn't take it seriously. Why would you, someone who's presumably paying money to see this movie? It's like jazz. You've got to look at the movie he's not making it.
Starting point is 00:45:26 It's like an Albert Ehler solo. Yeah, I get it. It's the scenes that are stuck in between the scenes we see, man. Yeah. I think you cracked it. I think we got to think about all the scenes that he's not having in this. this movie, and it's the greatest comedy ever made. The movie
Starting point is 00:45:44 that does not exist here. It's great. It's fantastic. So he gets a job at this factory, and the number two's hooking him up. And in between this, there's this weird scene of like, it's another one of these bizarre monologues.
Starting point is 00:46:00 It's brief for the, and it's just like, you know, things might be going okay. And it's like, it's like him and buffer. It looks like they're on like a desert planet. It looks like cat people or something. Yeah. They're just like making out.
Starting point is 00:46:14 I forgot about this fucking ridiculous silhouette shot. And I'm like, oh, aren't you just the first time director we all hate? Isn't that? Yeah, you're right. It's like this ridiculous fucking sun. The sun is taking up the whole frame of this desert planet. And the two of them are making out in silhouette. There's a pretty good shot.
Starting point is 00:46:36 It's neither of the actors because they don't, you can't see. them it's complete it's even better that you can't see them but it it's like such just thick black silhouette i thought it was a cartoon for a second i mean that well the male one is is certainly taller than anthony michael all yeah and like the jaws just a little more chiseled i was like i don't think those are those actors and the the buffer stand in definitely has different hair than this actress has in this movie so it's like what why even put this in why do i need this just get to the fucking eraser fact once we get to the eraser factory it's still terrible it's still i mean but it's all these
Starting point is 00:47:16 fucking scenes of him not getting along with the you know the other workers on the floor well they all understandably hate his guts because they're like hardworking unionized you know laborers right and then this idiot who's dating the dating the boss's daughter just gets this job and handed to him and you know gets their babe friend fired oh yeah there's like there's like a sexy lady that works on the assembly line with him or whatever. Yeah, her name's like Tiffany or something. Tiffany. And Tiffany's going to get poisoned, by the way.
Starting point is 00:47:49 Oh, right, right. They sent her to some part of the factory where apparently you just get killed. It's like the toxic pit, they call it or something. So it's like a bunch of fumes and stuff. And now she's wearing like these like tight little denim shorts.
Starting point is 00:48:04 I mean, this is a fucking Pamela Anderson blush. Like, yeah. Pam Anderson would know how to dress for working a shift to the fucking factory. She has that much sense. I mean, this woman is dressed like a denim Dan meets Daisy Duke kind of a thing.
Starting point is 00:48:19 She's also perfect for our time capsule because this is the quintessential 90s babe. Yeah. And nowadays, this wouldn't be presented as Babe Numero Uno. No, well, also. This is really vintage babage.
Starting point is 00:48:32 Also, in this shitty time we live in, they would look at that actors and be like, oh, she's so fucking fat. How this fat chick get in this movie and you just want to fucking hang yourself. Well, I mean, every Hawaiian tropic girl is too fat. Like, by today's standards, every single Hawaiian tropic girl is just too fucking fat. We live in a terrible time, ladies and gentlemen.
Starting point is 00:48:53 So he's working at this fucking factory. And the other thing that starts happening is this weird, like, he tries to become, like, the man or, like, the voice of the people. We have to unionize. We got to organize if we want to, you know, get fair due and all this shit. But he's also like belittling them all. Like he taunts the other, the main guy there. He taunts him the whole fucking time. He's condescending to his fellow workers.
Starting point is 00:49:19 He's condescending to the audience. He's condescending to everyone. And just on top of this, Frank Gorshian, the genius he is. Frank Gorshian, man, God, rest his soul. It's just in this movie playing like the crotchety old, like, foreman of this plant. And he is just, bless him. really putting his all into playing
Starting point is 00:49:43 Biff the Plant Form and whatever this name is. He's putting in work but like then he's just killed. For no for no foreseeable reason he's just killed. The only actor given a shit in this movie is instantly murdered.
Starting point is 00:49:59 So he gets the job, you know, he gets the job, you know, Gorsians like fill out all this paperwork or whatever and we have this cartoonish it's his first day on the job this cartoonish Scooby-Doo like chase scene
Starting point is 00:50:14 when these fucking workers come up to him and they're like hey we hate your guts and he's got headphones on and the guy's like I'm gonna kill you and he's like oh what did you say and he also says something in line lines like oh oh this is oh you wouldn't know this band if that's what you're asking oh he goes yeah you wouldn't know them it's not country just like belittling this guy
Starting point is 00:50:35 he doesn't even fucking know right and so the guy's like I'm going to murder you and he takes out the earplug and he's like I thought you said you were going to kill me this chase scene is just one Benny Hill song short of ridiculous I mean they are in higher frame rate chasing him around this factory
Starting point is 00:50:57 like fucking stop it be stressed enough they sped up the film to show and it's supposed to be funny and man did you fuck the pooch on that one it's so I mean it's just so not funny and it's not and again you know oh they always criticized comedies because they didn't think it's funny no no no no no no no no one thinks this is funny it's impossible it's it's impossible for a human being with a fully functioning brain to think that this
Starting point is 00:51:28 is possibly funny frankly it was just mildly amusing when benny hill did it and he created the fucking thing yeah it was a real we get it benny oh we got it but like yet to to have an homage to something like that in this movie like what do you want me to be feeling while watching this movie right now
Starting point is 00:51:50 am I rooting for you am I supposed to be are you just this madcap clown you are you groucho marks like are you a marks brother like is it totally inconsequential anything that happens to you in this movie because you're just gonna come out on top oh what's that that's totally the case
Starting point is 00:52:07 well great well because You have to be embarrassed in that. Groucho Marx would get his pretty often. And like he was always poor, too? Yeah, they were constantly trying to make things. Make ends meet in those movies. Yeah, they were putting a lot of eggshells
Starting point is 00:52:23 in their coffee grinds. This is a rich guy who's just looking to get richer so he doesn't have to have a job ever. He's trying to start this Days of the New cover band. Oh, wow. Or whatever the fuck this is. Oh, yeah. How am I supposed to even give a shit about what
Starting point is 00:52:38 happens to him. By the way, this chase scene ends with him doing a terrible scarface impression. Yep. Because he runs to the top of the stairs and grabs a fucking fire extinguisher. Then we're treated to this. Because, oh man, do the laughs keep on coming? Nothing like a good old fashioned 100% grade A American Scarface impression. Mm-mm, good. I mean, I just making fucking fun of Al Pacino. Doesn't that never get old? No, I get it.
Starting point is 00:53:09 And it had only been, only 300 movies had parodied that at the time of this movie's release. And by now, that's gone up to 300,000. Doing a scarface impression, by the way, is the original you shouldn't be doing Borat impressions anymore. Yes, yes. It's the first one. You see some guy at the fucking party who's doing say hello to my little friend. You ask that guy to leave. I don't even care if it's your house.
Starting point is 00:53:34 I don't even care if it's your party. You ask that guy to go find the fucking door because he's officially the worst person at this party. So after this scene, there's a, there's a great moment of where he's decorating his new office. And he finds it work appropriate to hang up a topless photo of Madonna, a topless poster, rather, of, of Madonna. And I'm not talking about the Virgin Mary. on the front part of the office door by the way everyone's got to look at it
Starting point is 00:54:08 over his title card this is who works here hey I like boners I work at the reserve that's what it says why you put that on the door oh that's because by the way we're talking about his office that he has
Starting point is 00:54:25 at some point he it's after Frank Gorson is murdered Dickus kills Gorson okay so the number two all right we're a little all over the place here and unfortunately this movie while being a series of useless vignettes also has
Starting point is 00:54:38 kind of a shitty thread here but so Frank Gorson is murdered by the dad's number two because he finds out information about this project Big Pink or the Big Pink file and he wants to know what it is and you know Frank Gorshans get a little too close
Starting point is 00:54:54 so this guy in a very uncharacteristic movement in this movie really just bashes his brains in and it's like a total like you see him sneak up behind Frank Gorsion you know something bad is going to happen but then it's like he makes the noise
Starting point is 00:55:10 that Christian Bale makes when he runs at fucking Jared Leto in American Psycho like when he comes out like really just gets him good yeah like it's that kind of a scream and bashes Frank Gorson's brains in and he's like two feet from him
Starting point is 00:55:26 it's brutal he is rudely murdered Yeah. For what? Like, it's so ridiculous. It's like a movie like this. If you're going to have a murder, why have it be the pleasant old man?
Starting point is 00:55:41 Well, he's not a pleasant old man. He's a lunatic. I mean, half of this, the introductory scene is him like cackling. It's one of those, hey, we kind of, you know, we've seen some weird movies. And, hey, we've seen some RDS movies that, you know who's going on a lot in those? A bunch of weirdos laughing. Yeah. Like lunatics.
Starting point is 00:56:00 He's just cackling. and making all sorts of jokes about how long he's worked in an eraser factory. Oh, yeah, 20 years. Yeah, 20 years. We're reminded of that a bunch of times. So, yeah, he's dead. So the guy is like, okay, boss, perfect situation. We make Julius the new plant manager, you know,
Starting point is 00:56:18 and then he doesn't know how to run a factory. It's a total, you know, shadow company anyway. It'll be fun. It'll just sit there. You're not going to have to worry about it. He's too stupid to figure out about this big pink operation. So, yeah, he's promoted to plant manager in like two days is officially now despised by every single person in this factory.
Starting point is 00:56:39 By the way, remember when this movie was about a rock and roll band? Yeah, okay. No. Occasionally he passes them on the street. And she says, but what about practice? Well, after he, you know, fancies up his new office, the band does stop by to see how things are going. Yeah, he's like giving him a tour, really rubbing. it in their fucking face about his shitty job.
Starting point is 00:57:03 Vlad calls the motherland. Oh yeah, he's like, oh, I get free long distance in here. So we have this like totally hilarious scene where this Russian dude is I guess supposed to be calling home for the first time in ever. You know, he's like, he's saying to the mother like, oh, it's me, Vlad. Remember me? We haven't talked in so long. AT&D. AT&T.
Starting point is 00:57:26 AT&T. AT&D. Oh, I'll leave the party. I'm sorry. got a little too borat for my taste buddy but yeah i mean that's the type of humor we're talking about here with it's you know it's just the the crazy foreign guy character yeah exactly the crazy hacking ability he's just like punching numbers and different sheets are coming up russians no computers fact yeah straight fact why do you think snowden moved there computer lands everyone loves it
Starting point is 00:57:58 computer land russia paradise It's right near Moscow. Welcome to Computerland. Population, you. Yeah, so again, and here's Annie, and she's doing her whole spiel about, oh, but the band, oh, my God. Oh, Julius, you're totally ruining this band with this job that you have. Oh, my God, Julia, this office is such a sellout. No, no, shut up.
Starting point is 00:58:20 We're going to record a demo. Oh, yeah. So this is the big thing, right? Because remember I'm in a rock band all of a sudden. The whole thing is, he's. says he's going to use the money that he makes as the factory foreman to put
Starting point is 00:58:36 it into the band. So then the band can cut a demo and then we just got to get it to the record executives. That's all you got to do. And then you'll have millions and then you can just, you know, cut a hundred grand out of that and it's fine. And there you go. And then you get Buffer. You're a rock star.
Starting point is 00:58:52 This just can't miss. So he's doing this whole thing. Yeah, we learned by the way that Vlad used to be a plant manager of a similar ilk in Russia so he knows the computer system he's teaching anthony michael hall how to be a good plant manager and it's like uh-oh if he gets smart about how to do his job he might find out about the big pink file and we'll have a fucking plot here as if plot even mattered oh if we dig in the computer long enough we might find it might find that plot in a subfolders yeah it's deep web
Starting point is 00:59:26 yeah i know so they cut this demo and it's a real horseshit thing of like i mean this is this is a band this is a band that supposedly has songs there's just another song playing over this whole montage of them cutting this demo five minutes man and what it what the songs like why yeah it's like one of those weird like whiny like i can't it's it's it's terrible it's wailing it's just wailing it's one of their songs though it's like one of the julius caesar songs oh i'm sure excuse me hail caesar But is this one of the Anthony Michael Hall penned? Anthony Michael Hall wrote and performed like nine songs on this soundtrack.
Starting point is 01:00:08 He's a real David Heavener. Some of them are on YouTube for the curious. Well, he has a record. Yeah, but you're not going to find. Hall. Hall of mirrors. Yeah. Shut the fuck off. Anthony Michael Hall's Hall of mirrors.
Starting point is 01:00:23 Get out of my fucking house with that information. Are you kidding me? And I was telling the folks, you can listen to some of it on YouTube because when are you ever coming across that album? Come on. I mean, that's like at some like flea market. I'm going to find that LP. Do it me. Oh, I'll fucking find it.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Oh, oh, Hall of Mirrors. Goodbye tax return. Hall of Mirrors, if you're listening, you're mine. So they make this demo. And then after the montage of making the demo and learning how to work in a factory, There's another montage right behind it, ready to roll, of him getting dejected from record labels. This is one of the highlights of the film from me.
Starting point is 01:01:06 And this is one of the things. Because it's him getting jazzy jaffed out of all sorts of fucking corporate offices. This is a sequence I remembered well from seeing this when I was younger. And it's just like them just walking around L.A. going to these office buildings and being literally thrown out, like cartoons. yeah like by the scruff of your coat oh yeah you get the hell out of here Julius and I mean it's clear he didn't have like any permits I think it's him actually getting kicked out of these places because it's like him and Mike the cameraman like and Annie they're like Annie hanging out in front of the Capitol Records building you get that right nice in the frame yeah we went here yeah oh yeah that's the legitimate on location shooting also you you have some nice on location shooting also you have some nice on location shooting of Los Angeles Street Life.
Starting point is 01:01:59 Including this hoboish fellow that looks like he fell from the stars because he's got like a TV on his head and you know because he's got like this whole contraption built around his head and neck. Yeah. That's like it's got
Starting point is 01:02:15 TVs. It's got a phone. I'm sure he was like Eric. Eric, I'm sorry, it's George Clinton. I would believe it. But you know what it was? It must be a street performer or something. I think that that was like the early 90s version of those living statues that we have now. You see those dudes covered in gold paint
Starting point is 01:02:33 in the subway? I think that was like an early prototype for that bit. But that's, you just reminded me though, because this montage of going to all the record labels and getting kicked out, also very sly morphs into a Hail Caesar music
Starting point is 01:02:49 video that is just implanted right in the middle of this movie. Because all of a sudden, like the dude with the television yeah anthony michael hall's just playing guitar in all of these places and the guitar is sinking up to the guitar
Starting point is 01:03:06 on the hail caesar song that you're hearing right and he's just like standing in all of these locations just playing guitar next to people really just rocking the fuck out yeah he's outside the electric guitar is not plugged into anything nope not a goddamn thing and it's just transcendent music it is the coolest thing i've ever
Starting point is 01:03:25 seen. I, you know, this movie changes you. Hail Caesar. It changes you. It does. So he finally gets lucky while Annie is distracting this one security guard. By completely fake talking to him
Starting point is 01:03:41 and the most fake talking I've ever seen and the guy's just nodding his head nonstop. It's like, why don't you pretend or maybe actually just have a normal conversation of some kind? No, you know why? Shoot it without sound. You're not using the sound. Yeah, well, that's what I think it was, was he was like, listen, guys, over this part where I sneak in behind
Starting point is 01:04:00 the security guard, because your character's talking to him, it's just going to be some of my music. So, don't bother to say anything. We're not going to hear what you say. But pretend like you're talking. Just say gibberish. Flap your gums. And it's the worst thing I've ever seen. It's so bad. And he sneaks in, manages to somehow get up to a floor where there's an office with a gentleman in it. And we're playing. the demo and we see
Starting point is 01:04:27 this dude from behind and this dude's like he's digging it. Oh yeah. And you're like wow, here it comes man, the moment of truth. Like our hero's going to succeed. Oh man. Turns around our DJ as this record executive and you're like what?
Starting point is 01:04:43 And he's really digging this music so much so that he starts trash in his office and he's dancing on furniture and throwing papers all over the place. They start hugging each other mid-air. They're jumping into each other, it becomes this whole experience together. And I feel
Starting point is 01:04:59 like that was a thing where they were like like Anthony Michael Hall was saying, you know, oh hey Rob, remember, remember that time when we were like 15, we were totally fucking stoned in your dad's Manhattan apartment and we just started fake fighting? Wasn't that so
Starting point is 01:05:15 funny? Let's do another fake fight in this scene. It'll be great. We won't even say anything because my song's going to be playing so we can't talk over it. And like our DJ He was so strung out at that point. The poor soul, you know, he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do it. That's great.
Starting point is 01:05:32 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fake fight. That's great. I think it's Anthony Michael Hall comes up to RJ's like, no, your father never did. No, he never was able to put the film a peyote trip. So here we go. And they dropped peyote and they did this scene because I don't know what's going on in this scene. And I don't know what drug would allow this behavior to happen. You just reminded me, though, hilarious.
Starting point is 01:05:55 A great thing that's happened for the world of cinema. I don't know if I've told this story before on this show, but the Criterion Eclipse series put out a box set of a lot of Robert Downey Sr.'s movies. And in the lead-up to the release date, Criterion posted all these videos on their website where it's P.T. Anderson talking to him. And one of the clips, they would watch his movies, and P.T. Anderson would just ask him questions about making the movies. And they show this one
Starting point is 01:06:29 clip of like some dude just sitting in a rocking chair outside. And Robert Downey leans over to fucking P.T. Anderson. And he goes, you know, I talked to that guy last month. He confessed to me that he was on ass at the entire time we shot this movie. Fucking awesome. So yeah, I mean, maybe peyote's involved in that because they are just caveman
Starting point is 01:06:51 fighting in this movie. And like R.D.J. has this like a motor mouth speech about how he's going to give him all the money oh yeah he's like i got nine things to tell you and it's like you know whatever five record deal world tour women money like all this shit or whatever i'm gonna tell you what i'm seeing i'm seeing nine things okay one this is big two i'm excited three five to seven record deal with points across the board four, live theater, TV, movies, mall appearances, five, more mall appearances, six through eight. Goddance you win! Baby.
Starting point is 01:07:35 This is great. Any cash advance, Mort? Get ready for more comedy, everybody, because the turn of this scene, like, here's Anthony Michael Hall. Here's Julius Caesar himself, you know, and he's so excited. He's going to get the money. There's a gag where he's like, how much am I going to get paid for this? this, Robert Denny Jr. writes out, like, a figure on a piece of paper and hands it to him. He's shit in his pants over all this money.
Starting point is 01:08:00 You know, the advance is coming. He's going to win buffer. It's this whole thing. It's great. And then he's like, what's the ninth thing? And he's like, oh, what's that? And he's like, oh, well, you told me, you had nine things to tell me. You only told me eight.
Starting point is 01:08:12 What's the ninth thing? And he goes, I get, the nine thing is I got to get out of here because the dude whose office this really is always comes back at 215. surprise he's just a crazy guy fucking around in some record executive's office he works in the mail rooms oh yeah that's right yeah so he's like disgruntled or something but he is fucked up on the job so that's another negative that's another thing to go on the old performance evaluation and that's another 10 minutes of this movie that is inconsequential exactly everything else going on stop wasting my fucking time. If your movie has a twist ending, stop
Starting point is 01:08:53 wasting my time for watching this movie. But like, if you're putting little twists into scenes like this, stop wasting my time just watching that scene. Keep the movie going. The movie is 98 minutes. It feels like 98 hours. And
Starting point is 01:09:07 you, it's just, there's nothing but these moments. An hour or a minute. Yeah. It felt like the entire opening thing, it kind of felt like, you know, it was Wednesday. It's already Wednesday. It's already
Starting point is 01:09:23 Wednesday. I started watching this movie on fucking Monday. We're not even halfway through the movie. It's already Wednesday. Oh, that's Shoah. So it happens when you watch the documentary Showa. We're doing a lot of very film-centric things today. I like it. Or the
Starting point is 01:09:41 four-hour showa deleted scene, The Last of the Unjust. You know, honestly, sitting through the Last of the Unjusted New York Film Festival flew by compared to watching
Starting point is 01:09:54 a big old breeze compared to watching Hail Caesar a fucking four-hour Holocaust documentary flew by I think that says a lot
Starting point is 01:10:04 about you guys and not and not this good material of Hale Cesar so this is a Mort's office you're not Mort's office
Starting point is 01:10:15 where's where's my office? my office hell no i'm in the mail room he's now he's back he's he's hacking big pink he's gonna find out what's going on oh yeah but now let's say his hacking into this big pink file is literally him just being like well maybe the password is the number one oh nope that's not it let me try to nope that's not maybe if i just scream at it it'll do it so he's trying to like the band other characters we'll call and be like, hey, Julius, we're doing a movie here.
Starting point is 01:10:50 And he's like, oh, not now. Not now, Annie. I'm trying to get into this file at work. Okay. Really hung up trying to act. Oh, that's not it. And then he ends up talking to Vlad, because finally the Russian calls him. And because they're like, the Russians like, we're going to like move out of your house that we live in.
Starting point is 01:11:10 Oh, that's right. They're moving out. Yeah. Because it's like we're fed up with this. And then the Russian advises him. That in order to hack a password, you've got to get inside the mind of the person who wrote the password. Julius is like, holy shit. Like it's like a mind fuck.
Starting point is 01:11:28 It's like, oh, my God, I had no idea. Oh, man. A password that someone makes would potentially be something personal about that person. Right. Oh, weird. So now Julius is trying a bunch of stuff. He's trying to buffer. Oh, no, that doesn't work.
Starting point is 01:11:44 Finally, he tries numnuts. access granted green great yeah and it's all to it's all about this this big pink plot
Starting point is 01:11:58 which is just something about chemical weapons yeah it's a lot of something something something chemical weapons something germ warfare yeah exactly
Starting point is 01:12:07 I mean it fits this is you know something something a movie he's just like oh I got to make copies of this so what's
Starting point is 01:12:16 what's so stupid is he's so he's such a numb nuts right that he doesn't get that maybe also the number two would be in on it so he comes up to the guy and he's like oh hey there number two guess what i think the boss is up to some strange dirty shit you don't look evil at all yeah totally this guy's got slick back hair he looked at speaking of american psycho he looks like one of the american psychos oh yeah he could be talking about business business cards absolutely and he's just like uh-huh Tell me more about this big pink situation. Oh, that does sound bad. And it's like, dude, you're just cruising to get murdered like fucking Frank Gorsh. He also pulls the whole thing, like the whole thing like, oh, Julius, I'm really impressed. You found out about the big pink file. You know, it's a fictional font.
Starting point is 01:13:04 We just put that there for you to find. Oh, yeah. To see if it was a test and you passed. It was the Easter egg in your job. Yeah, exactly. Remember, when you go to work tomorrow or if you're on your way in now, commuting. there's probably some Easter eggs you don't know about, but it's your duty to find them if you want to get those promotions.
Starting point is 01:13:23 And so he says something about like, oh, I'm going to, you get a $100,000 bonus or something like that. And he's like, wow, I can pay off the bet. Oh, that's great. And he's like, oh, but, oh, I would have to do such and such a thing to transfer the money tonight. But I have this report to file. And Julius is like, well, I'll file it for you. If that means I get, you can go get the bonus for me.
Starting point is 01:13:44 I'll do whatever work you want. So it's like this guy basically engineers a plot to keep Anthony Michael Hall in this office while he wires this eraser factory to explode. He's just going to burn the whole thing to the ground. Well, Buffer's father, Mr. Bidwell. Thank you. I couldn't remember the name. He's like, I got to kill Anthony Michael. Hall. The guy's got to, Julius has got to go. Yeah, he's getting too close.
Starting point is 01:14:14 You know what? fuck it blow up the whole fucking building i don't care my central my money laundering plant fuck it blow it up yeah what blowing up the fucking car wash man just like why not he says something about like oh i've grown tired of it anyway one of those rich prick things whatever man property my god oh and by the way at some point in all of this there's one shot as far as i can remember and maybe i'm um um misremember or, you know, whatever. But there's one shot of the Russian guy and the girl, Annie, carrying the Venus de Milo statue and, like, burying it in the yard or something.
Starting point is 01:14:57 Right, yeah. But it's just the, it's only to set up later that it gets dug up. But they just insert this shot in the middle of all the other bomb shenanigans that's happening. I mean, that's another callback to the book, but like, yeah, but it's kind of like doesn't make. It makes absolutely no sense. no sense. And I was, I'm looking at the shot when it starts and I'm like, why are they carrying a body? Like, what is happening? Did they just kill? Did I fall asleep and they murdered someone? I think the idea was like, oh, we're mad at Julius. He doesn't care about us at all,
Starting point is 01:15:28 but he loves this stupid statue. Maybe we'll bury it in the yard and see what happens. Man, that is a huge leap to make with no fucking dialogue. Like, yeah, it's, this movie's so poorly made. So anyway, the whole thing's wired to blow or whatever. And then somehow, Michael Hall runs out at the last second and he's like hey it's me Julius I got to the bottom of whatever and the plant explodes and then the guy you know the number two weasel is like oh well it was clearly Julius Caesar that did this have him arrested and these two police officers come out of nowhere like all right well we have no evidence to support this arrest whatsoever but whatever you say get in the car yeah that works fine at this point when he's put in jail you're like oh that's weird this movie seems to have about 12 minutes left. Yeah. That's pretty weird, but I guess I'll just continue watching it and see where this goes. Is he just going to get killed in prison?
Starting point is 01:16:26 I'm fine with that. That's the ending. What an ending. Oh, wow. What an ending. He just gets shived like 50 times and like thrown over a balcony or something. It's a Schillinger. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:36 Oh, man. Man, if he's just killed and the whole thing becomes like hyper real and he's like crying for his life and he's just fucking brutally murdered and then like all the other the prisoners just like walk away from him yeah he's like bleeding out in a urinal and it gets like poetic yeah and you just like hold on the shot of
Starting point is 01:16:56 Julius Caesar just dying you know and yep by the way stabbed to death hello it would be great just fucking stabbed a bunch it would be perfect it too Bubba Julius Caesar in prison
Starting point is 01:17:12 everyone So, speaking of Julius Caesar in prison, we have Julius Caesar in prison, and he's got a couple of cellmates with him. One is fellow Brat Packer, fellow 80s alum, a good friend of ours, Mr. Judd Nelson. Looking like someone scraped them off the bottom of their shoe. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. He's worse for wear. They found him on the bathroom floor.
Starting point is 01:17:39 He looks really bad in this movie. him and our dj were hanging out too much a bit yeah you know you get the feeling watching this movie there was a lot of on set partying going on although r dj and judd nelson do not share a scene together in this movie but it's somehow it happens i mean they each have one scene well actually i'd be rdj has two scenes but yeah they sense i mean that they're just showing up to like oh yeah anthony we're in good we're in good company exactly this movie is populated with we're helping out our buddy you know what I mean And what is Judd
Starting point is 01:18:11 Now the other two gentlemen In this cell One is one One is a giant Like morbidly obese black gentleman And then there is another A black guy And then what
Starting point is 01:18:21 What kind of conversation Would you think would happen With that This group Well maybe be like a little awkward Like Anthony Michael Hall Is nervous around these strangers Uh doesn't really know what's going on
Starting point is 01:18:33 It's definitely not going to turn Into some sort of horrific racist thing Right No way It's going to be like a You know, why are you in here kind of? Oh, but actually, you know, it actually does get kind of dicey racially. Oh, really?
Starting point is 01:18:45 You don't say. But that's only after debating the JFK assassination. Oh, I see. Oh, man. And he's kind of, he earlier in the movie, if I'm remembering this right, is doing kind of a weird RFK speech. He does like after the Scarface. Yes. When he's doing the labor, like, yeah, that's an RFC.C.
Starting point is 01:19:08 like RFK organized speech like workers rights shit so the fascination with the Kennedy dynasty continues in the jail cell where he all of a sudden claims that he because he's the whole thing is he's trying to look tough
Starting point is 01:19:24 in prison you know because Judd Nelson's like you got to look tough here else they'll kill you in here kind of a thing so he starts claiming that he killed Kennedy that he was the second shooter are we fucking kidding and And you know what, just him saying that, he probably, you know, wasn't even born yet, probably.
Starting point is 01:19:45 Him saying that, what is, what is one of the guys in the cell with him say about that? Not the fact that he's too young, but that he believes in the lone gunman theory. And now we're just talking about the lone gunman theory versus the conspiracy theory. We're just fighting about conspiracy theories in this jail cell. And Anthony Michael Hall is going off about how Lee Harvey Oswald's a pussy, you know, he couldn't possibly handle that shit on his own. Yeah, I'd like to step up. I would have liked to seem to say that to his face. But then, right, this other dude is like, don't you talk shit about Lee Harvey Oswald?
Starting point is 01:20:31 He's like defending this fucking assassin. What did you just say about Charles Manson? it's so ridiculous some of his songs were good i guess yes i do think that john hinkley got a fucking unfair shake give him shot number two he would have figured it out you know what jack ruby class act nice guy so they're fighting about all this and then anthony michael hall don's he's doing like a black cartoon voice yeah and just call Paul's this dude. I think we should just play.
Starting point is 01:21:10 Like, if we can throw it a clip or you're not going to, you're not going to believe it if I just tell you. Yeah. And we don't want to, we don't want to say it. Yeah. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:21:19 you're right. So here is Anthony Michael Hall in this scene. 63. Let me just tell you something, my new being brother. It was 63 that Malcolm and me flew America. And wasn't no first class back there neither. We flew coach.
Starting point is 01:21:34 Wasn't no free penis chicken or Sundays. Oh, how about that? They go, congratulations banner. I'm putting up for you right now. And I am just, and I at this point, you guys am on the floor laughing. Oh, I'm legitimate laugh. It's, oh, dude, legitimate. I am inconsolable, the laughter that just will not stop coming out of me because this is so funny, so geniusly hysterical.
Starting point is 01:22:04 Oh, wait, wait, wait. I'm getting the sense that you might not be forthwith with us. here. Yeah. I'm so the opposite of whatever the opposite of entertained is. It's like no way. It's like dissonance. It's just like fucking in your ear drum. Like what are you doing? Like what happened to the fucking band? Play a fucking concert in this movie.
Starting point is 01:22:27 But the I just like I mean just saying that alone is insane. But then you have then you hire two people to say it to. You know what I mean? It's just a weird, weird decision. It's so stupid. And you know what it kind of is?
Starting point is 01:22:43 It's it's kind of hearkening back to a little bit, which is obnoxious now that I think about it. Remember the scene in weird science where they go to like the tough as nails blues club and he's talking like an old black blues musician kind of a thing? It kind of reminds like they're drinking scotch and smoking cigars and everything. Is he just trying to do that? Like is he like, hey, people. thought that was funny and weird science, I'm just going to make it a little more extreme in this movie. I bet. I mean, considering that he's supposed to be playing an 18 or a 19 year old in this movie, like, I assume that he does think that he's still like 18, 19. And like, I
Starting point is 01:23:23 could still make that joke sing. Just going to be a boy forever. You can make it sing. I can do this. This is going to work. Boy forever. So, fucking Peter Pan. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Anthony Michael Hall, the Peter Pan of the Brat Pack. No, that was Rob Lo. for sure. Oh, yeah, he's the immortal one. So, so before he's murdered in this prison cell, which is definitely about to happen, the two guys that aren't Judd Nelson all of a sudden are about to get in a fight. And then the bailiff or whatever, the prison guard is like, oh, hey, hey, Julius Caesar, someone posted your bail.
Starting point is 01:24:00 And he, like, politely excuses himself. And the one guy's, like, teeming with such rage. And he's yelling at the other fella. and he's just like, I'm going to kill you and all this shit. And Anthony Michael Hall's like, oh, excuse me, I just have to get out of here. And the guy's like, oh, by all means, excuse me. Yeah, here you go. I'm going to kill you.
Starting point is 01:24:17 And I'm like, boy, do I get it. That just is hysterical. Fantastic. So it turns out Annie, the bass player, has posted his bail, even though she says, like, I hate your guts, Julius, I threw your fucking statue away or whatever. I don't want to have anything to do with you. Now, for some reason, I'm just going to post your bail.
Starting point is 01:24:35 and she's like, or he says like, why did you do this? You hate me. And she's like, well, oh, I just knew you were innocent. I just knew you didn't do it. So, you're like, okay. And then I'm looking back at the fucking clock. And I'm like, now, wait a minute. He was just in jail for four minutes.
Starting point is 01:24:52 Now there's like eight minutes left to this movie. Then you got to factor in credits. And I'm like, okay, now there's like five minutes left of this movie and nothing has happened. Also, keep in mind, your character's been arrested for blowing up a building. Yeah. For a terrorist. No, I know, no lawyer necessary. Oh, and yeah, your bail's...
Starting point is 01:25:11 And apparently he was like... 50 bucks? Yeah, what? Where is she finding the money to post bail for a terrorist? And this is neither a holding cell or be like a low security prison where you would keep a prisoner who's standing trial. This is Alcatraz. Well, that's what's stupid. And this is not just this movie is guilty of this.
Starting point is 01:25:33 A lot of films do this. like we have no understanding between like jail v prison you know and it's like the people he's in there with like judd nelson and the other two guys are like serving sentences like they are you know you see all the like uh hash marks on the wall counting the days that they've been in there or whatever this isn't where you would go before being arraigned in court or or something like that absolutely so it's i mean it's it's really stupid and lazy but so he's just he's he's He's out of jail, so it's like, all right, well, I guess we'll just drive back to my huge house and see what's going on. Maybe we'll squeeze in a band practice.
Starting point is 01:26:13 And then this guy stops them and he's like, oh, I'm this archaeologist found this version of the Venus de Milo. You're going to be rich and all this fucking horses. Yeah, because it's like Sam Jackson had to dig up part of the yard for the water main. And so, I mean, then you're like, you're really looking at the minutes here and you're like, wait a second, this movie is about to end. Yeah. Oh, sorry. But, but yeah. It's an archaeological discovery of an ancient Roman statue. Yep. In Southern California. How far was Rome's reach? Dude, they even ruled the undiscovered continent. That's how far that reach went, man. It's fucking impressive.
Starting point is 01:26:59 It is impressive. When you really think about it, that's pretty impressive. they worked so then like the mr bidwell pulls up with the number two and mr bidwell's being all buddy buddy with julius now because he heard the news about this priceless statue and he's like oh say there julius how's my best pal doing and then he's like get away from me douchebag like you totally framed me for blowing up that factory and then this old fucker is like oh i didn't do that that was my number two and he's like oh it was both of you Hey, arrest them. And then into the frame walks a police officer. And arrests them. Look, on what grounds? This happens twice in this movie. He did it.
Starting point is 01:27:46 Arrest him. No questions asked. Just arrested. Is it because his name is Julius Caesar and it's a version of seize him? It makes, yeah, it makes no sense. It's another cartoon element, you know? Yeah. And so then there, you know, then Buffer comes up and she's all like, oh, well,
Starting point is 01:28:04 you definitely made that hundred thousand dollars now i'm yours i love you she is down for it because now papa bear hold off by the g men yeah that meal ticket's done that those assets are frozen she needs a new meal and i think the squash instructor had had dumped her beforehand yeah right that guy's not not pulling the bank the bank you need yeah that well that's the thing right he might be a handsome fella but at the end of the day he's still just teaching squash exactly so she's all trying to get up with Julius and whatnot and he's like yeah you know what we're not a thing anymore eat shit and while they're talking by the way you know Annie who clearly has feelings for Julius is like oh well he's off with Buffer now I guess I'll just walk out of this movie and it's I mean
Starting point is 01:28:51 it's so unearned and shitty he comes up to to Annie and he's like you know whatever you know I'm rich now let's start the band I'm gonna blah with something my girl He eventually gets to, you know, the end of whatever he's verbal diarying. And she's like, well, I thought you'd ask your girlfriend to do that. And in the line of the century, he goes, I thought I was. Oh, isn't that smooth? Just the fucking assumption that she is now your girlfriend. But it's like, it's just like, you're my girl.
Starting point is 01:29:28 You know, like, it's just like you are. Like, it's just like, it's like, I guess it's kind of. confident. I guess a girl would be appealing to that, you know? Whether you like it or not, Annie, you are my new girl. Right. So uh, right. And then we're just going to make out.
Starting point is 01:29:46 Now excuse me, my home planet needs me. Yeah. Oh man. Is this the poochiest ending of all time? So then he's like, by the way, I didn't sell that statue. Just couldn't get rid of old Venus. But then this great other thing
Starting point is 01:30:02 happened. Robert Downey Jr. pulls up in a car pulls back into the movie's parking screaming how he's now jibberish how he's now a music agent and he's going to make Julius Caesar a star oh yeah
Starting point is 01:30:18 and then you think at that point right like the ego has ended like it's over with this movie starring and directed Anthony Michael Hall like the ego train has finally left the station we get some piece
Starting point is 01:30:34 and quiet with the credits. Nope. While these credits are running, this movie has the audacity to have a performance from Hale Caesar. The first one we really see. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And on guitar
Starting point is 01:30:49 is the dude who helped him write some of the songs, right? The other two people in this band, the two actual supposed characters of this movie, Annie and Vlad, Annie's bass, Vlad's drums are reduced to just snapping their fingers in the background while this dude plays acoustic guitar and Anthony Michael Hall sings a song in its entirety over these credits and wow again
Starting point is 01:31:17 airheads did it better the same exact thing happens at the end of airheads and degenerated is a much better song oh yeah oh yeah it is and you're just sitting and just this fucking Julius Caesar MTV unplugged horse shit just plays and plays and he's singing this song and everyone's just snapping along just fucking loving
Starting point is 01:31:42 Julius Caesar man it's just a new thing When I was watching this I was searching for a lighter And when the song comes to an end by the way it's a good thing they only caught a boom mic because guaranteed they were in danger
Starting point is 01:31:56 of catching the applause sign going off because this crowd erupts. They jump to their feet and they're clapping for Anthony Michael Hall. You know what they did catch a lot of? What's that? Shit from us. I'm just imagining that they cut from
Starting point is 01:32:14 their performance to like a B footage of like Simon and Garfunkel play the park. On the crowd B roll of the sold out Central Park. It says everybody on their feet just like, yeah, yeah. Percy Sage, Rosemary and call again.
Starting point is 01:32:31 Oh, yeah. Like a bad SNL sketch. Like, oh, yeah. What an ego trip this movie is, man. That is... That's Hail Caesar. Hail Hydro, too, shit. What did you say?
Starting point is 01:32:47 Said Hail Hydra 2, shit. Would anybody recommend Hail Caesar? No fucking way. I was waiting for the crickets. I heard the crickets weren't speaking up, so I had to say something. No, carry up. Absolutely not. It's, like I said, it feels like forever.
Starting point is 01:33:08 It's a fever dream. You enter it and you don't know where you are. And then all of a sudden it ends. And you're like, oh, what? Yeah. I mean, I'm not recommending this movie by no means. And a lot of it has to do with the way you just are sucker punched into realizing there's no story here there's no anything it just stops like you're arrested for three minutes
Starting point is 01:33:36 you work at a fucking factory for 20 minutes like there's nothing about this that goes together at all i i would say uh skip it but um this is coming from someone who's you said you've seen this movie like 10 times yeah i saw it a lot it was on rotation uh in the in the mid to late 90s on some network the comedy channel yeah or like showtime or HBO or something yeah this could be like in the you know
Starting point is 01:34:08 getting out of school HBO yeah I can see that and it's not like I watched it a lot on purpose it was just I was background it was probably like four times gotcha let's be realistic gotcha but I do think people should check out some scenes of it
Starting point is 01:34:27 or like songs of it on YouTube to get a full grasp of this. You really got to hear this music more than anything. I think the trailer is on Video Detective that website. Oh yeah. I think you're right. I think you sent me that link. So yeah, do
Starting point is 01:34:41 do that. I will recommend the Robert Downey Sr. Eclipse box set. I mean, most of his movies are really, really good. Yeah, some of the good ones, the great ones are in there. One that's not those Greasers Palace, but that is on DVD. And I will recommend White
Starting point is 01:34:58 dog Sam Fuller's white dog Which is about a A dog that's white that hates black people You know I mean It's brought up by a white woman
Starting point is 01:35:09 It sounds like a real B movie But it's uh It is I mean it's Sam Fuler Yeah but it's like The The man made this movie man Sam Fuller was a great director Yeah it shows what can happen
Starting point is 01:35:24 Even though you have a small budget But with a good director in mind I just have I have no patience for these passion projects where it's, I mean, honestly, this is fucking the room. This is Anthony Michael Hall's the room, right? Like you fucking star in it. You're on the soundtrack. You have the audacity to direct this movie.
Starting point is 01:35:43 I would suggest even that Tommy Wussaud is a better director. Because like the shots in the room, like they don't do anything, but it's active. It moves along. This, it's like, just whatever you got, man. What, like, just put the camera down and fucking shoot us. I don't care what you do with it. Whatever coupon book shot set up you have, just go with it. I mean, it looks, it really looks like garbage.
Starting point is 01:36:08 That's Hail Caesar from 1994 directed by Mr. Anthony Michael Hall. If you want to get a hold of us, check out the website, WHMpodcast.com. You will find a back catalog of old episodes there. Not available on iTunes or Stitcher. Go back and check those out. WHM Podcast.com. Click on the episodes tab, Eric Siska. Also, pick up our app or check out the bandcap page,
Starting point is 01:36:36 WHM podcast.bancamp.com. You got it. Because last week, you know, you liked the Karate Kid 3 episode. Check out the animation damnation on the Karate Kid cartoon. Which is pretty magical. Not the episode of the show. The episode's magical in its own way. But that's a magical cartoon.
Starting point is 01:36:54 Yeah, there's a bunch of Mr. Miyagi. shooting lasers and whatnot. You'll love it. You'll love it. Just listen to that. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast. Got something to say? Write us an email. We all hate movies at gmail.com. We are overdue for a mailbag episode, by the way. We all figure that out. Yeah, they'll figure that out. It's overflowing. It's overflowing with correspondence. The mailbag. Check out Eric's sister show, Blaming on Outer Space, taking down conspiracy theories in a
Starting point is 01:37:28 comedic fashion. Blame it on Outerspace.com at BlameSpacepad on Twitter. What is the most recent episode of Blame it on Outer Space? Oh, I don't know yet. Flying by the seat of my pants. Nice. Yeah, just tune in and find out. I've never heard of that conspiracy. People flying by the sea of their pants? It is downright eerie. Some say it goes back to Nazi Germany.
Starting point is 01:37:51 That's something. And Hitler called it his Wunderpants. It was a cousin to the leader hosen. Rate and review this show and blame on Outer Space in iTunes or Stitch or Pod Bean, wherever you get our programs. Rate, review, we would love to hear about it. Now, normally we would leave a clue for next week, but this is an episode we want to plug outright. Get everyone nice and excited for what's coming up next week on We Hate Movies. Eric, a little back information, if you will.
Starting point is 01:38:22 Clint Eastwood once had a pal who was an ape. named Clyde. And that film is called Every Which Way But Loose. We are doing an episode of Every Which Way But Loose. And if you know anything about Every Which Way But Loose, you would know it also has a sequel called Any Which Way You Can. Yes. And what is happening is what the kids are calling a pod crawl. Right.
Starting point is 01:38:50 Okay. We are teaming up with the good folks at the Flop House podcast. All right. So here's what's going to happen. We are coming out with our episode next. week on any which way but loose and then those guys are coming out with
Starting point is 01:39:03 now I'm messing up the top we are every which way but loose or is it any every every every and then there any which way I mix these up too any yeah you know what either way double dose clean eastwood ape
Starting point is 01:39:19 shenanigans biker gang two podcasts you might like it or or you might discover a new one so you know check them Exactly. We are cross-pollinating audiences. We're super psyched to be teaming up with those guys. Clint Eastwood, ape movies. Both of them are being done within days of each other on two different podcasts on the next We Hate Movies, Flop House, Pod Crawl. Ours on Tuesday, theirs on Saturday. So until next week, when there's all sorts of apes of poppin. I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siskin.
Starting point is 01:39:53 Chris Gavin. Take it easy. We're going to be able to be.

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