We Hate Movies - S4 Ep155: Every Which Way But Loose

Episode Date: April 29, 2014

In this week's episode, the gang gets in a bar brawl with Clint Eastwood and Clyde the Orangutan in the bare knuckle action flick, Every Which Way But Loose! How is Eastwood getting this ape into all these restaurants? Why does Beverly D'Angelo so easily agree to get in this creep's truck? And who on Earth asked for that much Ruth Gordon? PLUS: Eastwood's blood is boiling. Every Which Way But Loose stars Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Geoffrey Lewis, Beverly D'Angelo, Ruth Gordon and Manis the Orangutan as Clyde the Orangutan; directed by James Fargo. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin, Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. If you're new to the program, you are catching us in part one of what will be a two-part, as the kids call it, pod crawl. We are talking about Every Which Way But Loose from 1978, directed by James Fargo. It is Fargo. I thought it was a typo, but the man's name is Fargo. Yeah, this is like, if you're a fan of bad movie podcast, this is like Tupac and Biggie collaborate on an album in 1995. Only it looks a lot. wider and a lot less dangerous? So we are part one and part two is going to be conducted by the Goodfellas over at the Flop House podcast. They would be talking about any which way you can, which is the sequel.

Right. And these titles are confusing. They are so confusing up until it was like 24 hours ago. I was like, which one do we have to watch? Yeah. I missed opportunity for every which way, but looser. Looser. Looser.

Yeah. Yeah, hopefully this ends the possibility of one of us getting killed in front of a nightclub. Six, seven guys, one, chances are somebody's getting killed in front of a nightclub. It's possible. I would predict Chris Cabin's killed in front of a movie theater. Some, like, angry director read some snotty review of his and he gets assassinated outside of a multiplex. Zach Snyder just shanks him in the back six times. Zach Snyder would be the dude to do it.

It's a real crowded movie theater and nobody sees it happen. Cabin's like crying out, but he can't cry out. It's like the prologue of Scream 2 when Jada Pinkett's just getting murdered and everybody thinks it's part of the show. That's funny. So anyway, after you listen to this episode, which drops on a Tuesday, those guys are dropping any which way you can on a Saturday, I believe. So it is a double dose of Clint Eastwood eight movies.

Be sure to listen to both parts. So let's get into it. The title, yes. I, because this kind of gets into the. beginning of the film is when I was watching it, I was like making dinner and I looked away and so much time had elapsed between the beginning of the movie and what I imagined him having to explain where this ape came from. I thought I was watching the sequel. I was like, I paused and I rewound it, had to look at the title again to make sure I was still watching

the right movie. No, no, no, because you don't find out how this ape came to be in his possession until 48 minutes into this movie. At least. And you know what? Even the, then it's just not even that important no but we're getting that song man just ever which way but lose baby every which way but lose can we hear a second of it because i just yeah you want to actually hear it you want to do that to these people all right audience this is steve's fault every which way for blues you turn me every which way but lose inside the fire's burning me in my mind you just deep turning me every which way i do oh it's like it's like getting a tattoo on your brain tissue you know what i'm gonna say it's the best theme song we've heard on a movie we've done and i this

is coming on the heels of joysticks which is great joystick's karate kid three with that song oh yeah but this i don't know man wow you're just really loving it huh it's an earworm i yeah it is and it's One of those things... It's like what Kahn puts in you. Every time I hear the word earworm, I think of Wrath of Kahn. Walter Koenig is like screaming his head off to easy blues or whatever. Every which way but loose, Captain! But that's the thing is like it's such an easy-going song.

Like when you're waking up, getting your stuff together, how could you not be singing that? Oh, I want... Here's the thing. Yeah, finding my shoes, I'm making a nice cup of Folgers Crystals coffee listening to Every Which Way but loose. Maybe frying up some eggs. Oh, yeah, definitely. A real hobo breakfast, huh?

A can of beans. Letting the dogs out into the backyard, you know, just every which way but loose. Maybe I look at the woodwork I've been doing, you know, and I ponder, like, maybe later in the afternoon I'm going to finish this project. Every which way but lose. Probably has time for some whittling in the afternoon. Oh, yeah. I imagine, like, literally on my deathbed, the last thing that I think of is, every

which way, but loo. It's just like, I fade off. I would love you to be singing it along with it, and then you don't get to say lose, like you expire before the final lyrics. I would be totally cool if somehow Jesus or whoever arranged. Or whoever. Thank you.

Jesus, Hydra, whoever. Yeah. Who's ever involved? When you die and you're like leaving your body and you're having your out of body experience and you're like, you're going towards the light or your soul's going to dissipate forever or whatever's going to happen.

Just this song. You get to hear this song in the entirety before you shuffle off the mortal coil. I'm fine with that. I will pray to whoever you want me to pray to to make that happen. You think it's like the music in like the waiting room for the afterlife?

This song on Loop. That'd be good. Maybe it's like it's this song. It's the fix is one thing leads to another. That's kind of a nice like going into the afterlife tune. Kind of a little ominous too. You kind of like, wait, which way is it leading to?

Yeah, exactly. You chose the wrong way to lose. Things are a lot looser in hell, I would wager, right? Well, maybe they're talking about those heavenly robes. That might be. There's no underwear going on underneath those heavenly robes. Speaking of underwear that doesn't change, Clint East was wearing the same pants, the entire movie.

It's these brown slacks. Yep. That are not going anywhere. Are they slacks, or are they, like, really gross-looking, jeans or are they like like a dicky's work paints or something oh yeah you're split the difference there's a nice meat in the middle that's exactly what it is but he's like fishing in these things he's run he's working out let me tell you the athletes foot that this guy must have with all the yeah just walking there's the one scene where he's like gonna fight

that biker gang leader and he walks through a puddle to get to him like fucking jason vorhees and i'm just like ew no now your feet are all wet how are you you're going to fight with wet socks? He's showing them that he doesn't give a shit. They would care about wet socks, but not Eastwood. I guess so, yeah. Clint Eastwood's a deranged person in this movie, right?

Like, he's actually, like, crazy. It's like the killer inside me is this movie? Well, I think that anybody who bare-knuckle boxes for a living has to be a little crazy. Well, you know, he's, I would say he's just, you know, you're simple everyday blue-collar hero. Oh, yeah. Is that what you're getting that? Yeah, because, I mean,

this movie man is so like charmingly blue collar like that's what it's so designed for oh yeah this takes like the main town that they start out and is is like a suburb of la or something but yeah it's just so grimy and everyone is just like callist i had no idea you know there was that much cowboy culture in suburban los angeles like out like just outside the city limits yeah Yeah, I mean, I have no idea. Maybe it's all died out. Maybe they whipped it back into the desert. Yeah, I mean, this movie is basically a pub crawl of honky tonne bars.

You know what I mean? It's like, it is. And you can see each and every one of them. Not good ones either. Oh, no, the worst of the honky tonk bar. Not even the Blues Brothers would play at these places, man. Real scuzzles. It's more realistic than the places in Roadhouse, but it's still a place I'd rather not be at.

Yeah, the places in Roadhouse are like stages. in video games. I imagine you could make a street fighter-esque roadhouse-inspired video game, and it's like each of these, like, these mythological honky tonks that they go to in those movies, right? And the ones they speak of, like, the one where, like, Sam Neal's character comes from and everything. Sam Elliott.

Oh, Sam Elliott, yeah, excuse me. Although, man, imagine Sam Neal and Roadhouse. That'd be great. No, he would be denied service. He would be the rich guy trying to buy the honky tonk and turn it into, like, a super white collar club. But, yeah, like, you could imagine those places. are stages in video games.

But these are, like, just a little bit more believable. And I think it's because of the Scuz factor. There's a dinge on everything. You can smell the stale cigarettes coming off the screen. Which I guess is the idea why they don't mind when an ape comes to drink. Like, that's the, like, it's dirty enough. Like, there's peanuts already. That is the most ridiculous part because Eastwood does take this ape out drinking.

He takes him to restaurants. The restaurants are more unbelievable than the honky tonks are, though. There should have been a scene, like 15 minutes of him explaining to every single service industry person he comes across. Well, listen, my ape is going to be joining us. And, like, they're going to say no. We'll say he's a seeing eye ape. He's a service animal for my anxiety. You didn't buy that?

Punch. Yeah, exactly. I tried, punch. You know what I love, though, about when the ape is drinking at bars? It made me realize that that is the closest we will ever get in like a real world scenario to having a Moss Isley canteena. It's like big fat guy in a cowboy hat drinking a beer, Clinties would drink in a beer, an ape drinking a beer, some lady. Sam Neal. Saying what, what do you mean?

there's no Heineken. We have the death sentence on 10 systems. I don't like you either. The ape just fucking rips his arm out. I just love it because the ape is, I mean, you look at this ape, man, and, you know, we are, well, we are close cousins to these creatures. You know, he's drinking this Coors Banquet beer just like the rest of them are, which, by the way, if Coors Banquet beer did not have money in this movie, they're going to wish they did. I mean, speaking of Mosley's a Cantina, I did, did really. get the feeling that this movie was a little

bit of a Star Wars, right? Because it's like Han Solo and Chewbacca with Cornisdwin in this ape. Yeah. You know, there's these Scuzzy bikers that are, you know, it's like the bounty hunters. Yeah, it's totally right. The empire. I mean, the movie came out 366 days ago. So, Jeffrey Lewis is

Luke Skywalker and no one's Obi-1 Canobi because there's no wisdom to be. There's not a lick of wisdom in these movies. Let me ask you this, though. How is this ape not sharing top billing with Clint Eastwood. The ape doesn't even make the main credits. Because

to be honest, though, the ape is not really in this movie that much. More, if I have to, if I was grading this paper, I would just be, big red letters, more ape please. If you're putting an ape on the poster, the ape really needs to have something to do. And how is the ape not

getting involved in some of the fights that are happening? Yeah, I was hoping at the end of the movie, the last baddie had his own ape. You know what I mean? And you tag team fight. Exactly. Exactly. And it's not like this movie was wary of man on ape fighting, because the scene were introduced to the ape. He attacks Clint Eastwood. Right. He goes into his shady work den and, uh, well, I guess it's a shack. Yeah, it's like a shed where they keep this ape chained up,

right? Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, you're like, what's going on here? It's dark. There's a man in there fighting you. Oh no. It's a, it's a hairy ape. And I mean, I guess like logistically on camera, trying to fight ape versus man isn't going to work. Because the way they film that shed scene, it's like all in the dark. There's a lot of sound effects. There's a little person in a fucking monkey suit, I'm sure, for a little bit of it. Right, because if you had the real ape in there, I mean, I... Tear his fucking throat out.

Crack a skull, like it's a, you know, shellfish. Crack it right open, like a big old clam. A big juicy clam. Suck out its innards then. So for some reason I had this idea, because I'd watched me like five years ago, that Clint Eastwood was a truck driver, and that was like, the whole thing. No, he's just a pit fighter. Right? That's his

that's how he claims taxes his pit fighter. Well, he's driving the truck at the beginning of the movie though. Right. You read the press notes for this and it says he's a truck driver that's also a bare knuckle brawler, but really he's just really fighting. Yeah, he's a pit fighter. Or maybe this is his offseason?

I think it's a thing where it's kind of like being in the mafia, right? Or like being a drug dealer. Like you can't put earnings, you know, via drug dealing on a fucking W. do. Well, I have a truck and I do drive. Yeah, exactly. So it's not technically lying. He returns that

load to like the depot or whatever. He makes a point to clearly sexually harassed two women before he gets out of the office. You know, and then he gets in his truck, goes to the local watering hall, and that's the last time we ever hear about him being a truck driver in this movie. But that's the thing is what I love about him,

him and his friend, Jeffrey Lewis, who plays Orville, who's either his brother, his cousin, or his best friend, or maybe all three. And They just go to places and suss out pit fighting rings because they are everywhere in this down. Orville knows, like, how to really sniff out a good pit fight. He'll be like, hey, Orville, go see ya. If you can get a line on a fight, I'll be here waiting in the truck with the monkey.

Well, I think that's kind of why, this is why the Golden Age of TV has really changed Americas, because without it, I think we'd all be pit fighting. You know, if I wasn't able to watch Mad Men and or Game of Thrones and maybe, you know, this new. Fargo series. If I didn't have those things cool in my heels, I might be pit fighting all over the place. You just have to go out there and get some blood another way. Like now you get it like through TV characters. You think that was a problem in the

late 70s? It's like, oh, what's on television tonight? Maud. Maud and Battlestar Galactica. Oh, boy. Get the monkey in the truck. We're going to fight. That's what suburbia must have been

doing. Yeah, it's either there better be something good and bloodthirsty on TV or else I'm going to go out and find a pit fight. I'm going to box Norman Lear's ears. That's what I'm going to do. So, the first instance of fighting in this movie is probably one of the best ones because not that the glow of the fighting style in this movie ever really fades, but like the first time is always the best time. And like he goes to this bar after

work. And it's a real shitty, like he's just taking some peanuts and there's this big drunk I believe his name is Big Al you know, is just like, hey, hey why don't you give me those peanuts back? And then he wants to fight Clint Eastwood, right? And he's like a big

tall like so and so. He also says a line that's like, oh, you're bringing them back to your tree little squirrel? Oh yeah, he keeps calling him a squirrel. You got some nuts for your tree squirrel. Interesting thing about Big Al, the beginning of the scene, like, you know, he, you know, Eastwood's doing the man with no name.

You know, he's just drinking his beer, mind, and his business. And Big Al and this other dude are talking about some orgy or something. He's like telling a shitty joke or something. Yeah, but then he's also like earnestly suggesting they go to a whore house. Oh, yes. That's, yeah. He's like, well, speak on the heels of that dirty joke I just told you. There's a house about 10 miles outside of town I could take you to.

Hey, Big Al, you got anything going on down there or what? You want to go down to that whore house or what? We learned so much about. about this about this these two people in this scene that it's weird because we we know that this guy suggesting the horthouse actually doesn't know big l that well because he asks him if he's married yeah you're right he would know it's like they're just that's like they just met that's how that shit went down like you know nowadays we have shit like tinder and you know and and and and all that stuff you know what i mean right so like that's like how you do it now right but like back in the late

70s man. It was just like, hey man, about me and you go to that whorehouse and figure it out. You know what I mean? Why you did a buddy? I mean, I guess like for the long ride. It's either the long ride. Here's what it is, though. I feel like the whole system of going to a horror house, especially in the late 70s, was you can't go by yourself because if it turns out to be like a bordello of blood situation, you know, you're crazy. You're screwed. You know what I mean? But you go with a buddy. Big Al gets a hacked by vampires, right? This other guy can get out of there and call the authorities. Or if your wallet goes

missing, you've got another guy to rough them up. And by the way, if anyone was wondering, is Big Al married? Used to be. Yeah. That's Big Al's answer to a lot of questions. It used to be. You sober, Big Al?

Used to be. You employed, Big Al? Used to be. You're respected by your children, Big Al? No comment. all but that son of mine or should I say daughter you you literate big Al used to be I love the idea of someone forgetting how to read by the way that's why they call a Big Al he got hit in the head so many times forgot how to read so the and by the way that is the the two greatest character characterized characters in this movie like they're the

most fully developed yeah Clint Eastwood's character no nobody else No, no, no, no. Big Al and this dude that wants to go to the Bordello, yep, thickest characters in the film. Big Al and Wet Larry. Why do they call him Wet Larry? He's trying to get that shit wet. Used to be. So Big Al wants to get in a fight with Clint Eastwood, right? And this is where you are introduced to, like, the fighting style of this movie.

And this movie, it was ahead of its time because this is a video game movie. It's just a lot of just like punch, punch, punch, punch, punch, punch, and this dude goes down. Not once in this movie is Clint East would ever in danger of losing a fight because he barely gets hit once. He's just the best. I mean, because this also kind of equates with a 70s thing that I found really evident in this movie is that fat used to mean tough. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you could be the fattest guy at the bar was the guy you didn't mess with.

If you were fat and tall. Yeah, exactly. Like the momentum. He's like a, you can't go up against a big guy like that. Well, just think about like Jackie Gleason, man. Like, you'd never pick a fight with fucking Jackie Gleason. You'd tear your spine out of your back. You get that bear strength.

Yeah, exactly. Your only hope is in the off chance he has one of his heart attacks. Yeah, exactly. I think that's, it's the real weakness of fighting a big, tall, fat guy. They might drop dead of a heart attack in the middle of the bout. But that's the thing, though, is like, I think fat used to mean, tough, but now fat means like people like us. You know what I mean?

If you saw four... People like us. If you saw four fat guys like sitting around a bar talk about it's just, oh man, they're probably going to talk about fighting or fucking or killing. And now you're just like, oh, those guys probably have a podcast. Yeah. The title of this movie

is actually about my waist size. Every which way. It's all over the place and it's loose. So he lays out Big Al in beautiful. fashion by the way i mean he beats the shit out of this guy and that's when i was like okay like i'm on board for this movie i wasn't on board for driving around ordering a banquet beer sexually harassing

the ladies at the office yeah i was used to be but the second you lay out big out like that man i was on board for this picture you know what i was on board for the sounds the foley artistry in this film yeah it's better than a brusley movie oh yeah a lot of uh... chicken carcasses punched. Oh, yeah. It's like dead cats in a wet sack against a car hood. Like, slap it.

Like, every time you're punching Big Al's gut, it's really, like, this movie should have won an Academy Award for Sound Design. It really should have. You know, and it would have,

had it been around at the time, MTV movie awards. Oh, yeah. Best on screen doing, duo? Yeah. The Dewey. Best on screen couple, hell.

You know. Best on-screen kiss Because he's definitely kissing this ape in this movie He is so tender with this ape It's a little weird I'll be honest It's the most tender He's ever been with another actor

In anything Bridges of Madison County be damned He is more romantic and gentle And caring for this ape Than he could have ever been in any movie He's always like up in Clyde's ear Like whispering to him like Hey Clyde

You hungry Clyde Yeah you like that Clyde Yeah Clyde This movie also is one of those movies much like other movies that feature humans of animals or humans and robots or humans and aliens or humans and monsters.

Or humans and Big Al. Where, you know, it's like one of those things where like we just have to accept that Clint Eastwood says something to the ape and the ape just understands English. Like it's just, right? Because it's Chewbacca. Yeah.

It's got its own monkey language. Oh yeah, totally. And the ape will then be, you know, doing all sorts of ooh, ooh, uh, and he'll be like, yeah, I know, it is hot in here. I'll roll down the window, you know. I think maybe the second time we see the ape, he's doing laundry. Like, the ape is functioning, doing laundry. So it doesn't happen for like another 50 minutes,

but I think we should just explain why this ape. Yeah, we should do a better job of explaining than the movie does. Yeah, the movie doesn't ever explain this until, like, way later. But apparently what happened was Clinius would won this ape in a fight. he like had a bare knuckle he would be bed his like car and something else his house his pants like every

he put everything on the line because the ape was so valuable I guess and he also he couldn't stand looking at him in that cage yeah it was like the manager of the fight or something had the ape in a cage and he just he got real emotion it was the first time

you know that the ice just melted around his Clint Eastwood heart and he just knew he had to save this ape you know what if you win it in a fucking fight and you care about it that much. Don't aid it to a preserve. Yep. Don't make it do your laundry and drink beer with you.

And eat Oreos, this ape would be dead. Like, literally, one week living with Clint East, would apes have very specific? This ape does not eat fruit at any point in this movie. Yeah. He's eating chili cheeseburgers. He drinks beer all the time. Bud heavy the whole time. And what I love is there is, there's some scene where they are at a Mexican restaurant.

And the ape is not dining with them, you know. This was a restaurant, I guess, where the ape was not allowed in. And it's him, the cousin, and then Beverly DeAngelo, who they pick up later in the film. And they're just having food. And the dude, Orville, is like, oh, you know, I think Claude would really like this food or something like that. And Clint Eastwood's like, oh, he's never met a bean in his life. I think it would destroy his digestive track. I'm like, what are you talking about?

I know for a fact you're feeding at steak and you clearly say it's only allowed to drink on Saturday nights, which means you have a schedule in where you're you allow this animal to drink beer. That's always a problem for me. You know, you don't see it much now, but when you were growing up, someone's like, oh shit, give the dog beer. Man, that was never funny. Give the bony beer. He and Mr. Simpson split a case of malt liquor.

A friend of mine gave a chinchilla, a thimble, a cap full of old English, and the chinchilla died a day later. That's how that shit worked. Coincidence? Used to be. There's also the cousin of that gag, which is the old, Hey man, I'm just going to blow some weed in this dog's face. Yeah, this dog's so high right now. No thanks.

Yeah, be responsible, everyone. Don't torture animals like Steve and his friends. Used to be. Listen to we hate movies. used to be going to get the ASPCA on us so we're yeah Clint Eastwood's home life by the way let's touch on it real quick we've mentioned Orville uh his brother slash cousin we don't know like he he only refers to him as a friend I think they even have different last names I think they're like neighbors that became best buds I guess like maybe it's like childhood friends or

something well that's another thing that's not explained no they just love fixing up cars in their you know and Orville's kind of his pimp in a way, you know what I mean? Well, he's the one tracking down the fights. He's a manager, yeah. You're going to go here and you fight this person. Then you're going to get back in the truck and wait until I say it's okay to go home. So, yeah.

Yes, Daddy. Because Clint Eastwood and the monkey, the ape, excuse me, live in, like, the house. In squalor, guaranteed. In the house, like, behind the house where Orville lives with his mother, played by Ruth Gordon, who is doing flat out nothing in this movie but being the most obnoxious, unhilarious old lady character of all time. Yeah, so let's get into that for a second. She, uh, because she's old, you know, she's not allowed to drive a car because she was probably did something heinous or something. Yeah, she probably killed kids. Yeah, she probably ran down a whole playground.

And then now she wants her license back. So now Orville has to drive her to all the DMVs in Southern California trying to fight one that would pass her isn't it so hilarious we just keep going to these DMVs and the joke is they're running out of DMVs to go to and it's like one thing after another like well maybe I should have put my wig on he's like yeah maybe you should have ma or maybe I should have wore my glasses oh maybe you should um ma and the whole time I am stone faced not laughing they said I was too old yeah good and you'll soon be dead what you Would you shine on to see a monkey in this movie? Well, let's go on my appointments.

Let's run errands with the star of Harold and Maud. You know, other people have things to do. It's not all monkey business. But I want it to be all monkey business. I bought the ticket for an ape movie. Well, we can't just spend all that time with that ape. I've got to go to the bank. That produce is a little bit.

going to purchase itself. All do you do is I'll go women and get the interesting fights. I've got to go to the bank. Oh, and we're just watching this. It's like, oh, wow, Worval's mom's checking account's pretty low. I mean, she's, I hope this fighting works out.

Look, if you are going to insist on putting this character in this movie, at least have the scenes, have her, you know, be accompanied by Clint Eastwood and the Ape. Don't have this other secondary character who we also kind of don't really care that much about driving her to the DMV. Well, this is kind of the main problem with this movie is you would think like it's every which way but loose. That's where the plot is. Because like literally

there's, it's almost like Pulp Fiction. Like everybody's got their own thread going on. And sometimes they intersect in, you know, successful or unsuccessful ways. Could we get into my favorite set piece is where it's Clint Eastwood's riding his ape around town just because you know he fucking got the ape man It's not your it's not anybody's problem but his Yep And these two fucking bikers are next to him

Laughing at him Which they should be because it's funny to see an ape at a car Hey pal you're giving your mom a ride And they say that to him Oh yeah sick burn And one of these bikers throws a cigar at the monkey Which I don't think there's anything more ignorant Than throwing a cigar at a monkey

And it's an ape, actually. It's an ape, I apologize. Speaking of ignorant. I'm kidding. I don't know. Let's just call it Clyde. Hey, you know how to tell the difference? I read this on Wikipedia. Apes don't have tails.

Monkeys, tails. And wait, which are the orange ones that are in charge of the planet of the apes? Those are orangutans, which is what Clyde is. So Clyde, you know, a couple more Coors Banquet beers in him. He's going to pick up a rifle and say, no, and then start fighting. That drunk orangutang is going to be running the country. Oh, my God, that drunk orangutan is going to, yeah, exactly. Take over state by state.

He's just going to take over. That would be an interesting rise of the planet of the apes. It's just this drunk, gunwielding, Second Amendment right, orangutan. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, this scene. And, you know, basically, Clinistewood's not having it. And he's chasing these guys down. They go through a car wash.

It takes 25 minutes. Now, you're chasing a truck. It goes into a car wash. Why, you're on a motorcycle, why would you drive into a car wash on a motorcycle? And there's a line about like, oh, we can hide from them in here? It's like, no, you can't. It's just a car wash. Now you're all wet and stupid.

And at a certain point, they see a trade coming. They're like, hey, we better get out of town. So they jump off their motorcycles and hop on the rails. And this is also, by the way, after. Like Eastwood, there is, there's no mistaking what's going on here. He's trying to take their lives. Like, he's trying to run them down. Like, he's in his pickup truck with the ape, and they're on these shitty little motorbikes,

and he's trying to run them off the road, right? And it eventually gets to a thing where, like, and this is, again, this monkey is a, this ape is a lot like Chewbacca, right? Because they come to this part where this street cleaner, you know, there's like street sweeper or whatever, has been like spraying the road with something and the ape sees the material on the road and knows that they're going to skid out and like jerks the wheel and the truck goes flying and misses the skid and the motorcycle guys hit it and go flying off the motorcycles this ape knows that like the road is going to be slick yeah he's a master strategist is what he is much like

chubaka master strategist of this of space would never take it out of hyperdrive too late or too early in the game you know like he was just right yep just right just outside of the sense the imperial sensors yeah oh by the way they actually steal the street sweeper

to chase after the bikers which the ape starts driving at one point she starts driving it's unbelievable it crashes it crashes into like a it's like a produce seller and almost like kills a bunch of people but it's okay well that's you're right

shouldn't they be brought up on charges? Shouldn't there be like a court appearance? I mean there should be he does get chased by the police in this movie but the police should be chasing him for his violent behavior and for having this unregistered untethered monkey or

ape or whatever the fuck. But also the police start chasing him not out of police duty but out of like a vengeance. Yeah they're like I'm going on vacation and tracking him down. Because they also got beat up by Clint Eastwood. Because they bumped into him in a bar and he's an untowulfed.

tethered lunatic and he's like you fucking you stepped on my bad shoes now i've got to kill you oh yeah and it's only like after he beats the shit out of them that the bartender in this one particular scenario is like they are the cops because like it's a really good bar brawl and he's like call the cops and he's like they are the cops and he's like uh just drops this dude walks away well that's quickly drops the brains out of his hands and runs out of them oh good if they're the cops that means i could kill him Well, the thing is, why they're at that bar and what the sort of thrust of this movie, if there is one, because make no mistake, this is a blockbuster, but it's a lazy, jangly 70s blockbuster. Yeah, you're right.

It's a late 70s blockbuster. Actually, it's the, it's the, it was the second highest grossing movie of 1978 behind Superman. So Superman was, you know, you can believe you'll believe a man can fly. And this is, you'll believe a man and an ape can hang out. And that drink a lot of Coors banquet or original. You'll believe a drunk can fight. Yeah. So he kind of falls in love with this honky tongue singer played by his then

Clinties with his then wife. They were never married. They were never married. Only dude and lady friend for like 15 years or something. Like she's in like, yeah, she's in both of these movies. She's in one of the dirty Harry's. I think she's in Sudden Impact maybe. Yeah, she's, I think they did like six or eight movies together or some of the

like that and there's some sort of interesting thing where like she was supposed to be in oh she's also definitely in the outlaw josie wales but she was supposed to be in some movie with clin eastwood and the studio was like yeah you should stop making movies with her wait is she the ape or is that the lady in the movies what i can't have the ape in this mood like dirty harry six it's him and the ape plays a congressman he has to protect dude i would love that and they don't acknowledge whatsoever that it's an ape and it's just like making speeches at a podium just like yelling and smashing things and then it just whispers to someone hail hydra looks kind of like gary shandling so this lady she's a singer so she's a singer and you know like

Clint Eastwood's running his game on everyone who will listen he tries on on some college girl Oh, my God, this scene, bro, press the brakes, Clyde. We got to talk about this scene. This is amazing. This is a real like, oh, what's that? You don't want to have sex with me? Well, in that case, I'm going to humiliate you in public. Well, the thing is, she's there.

He's just like, what do you hear for? And she's just like, oh, well, actually, I'm not here to enjoy the music. I'm writing a paper on country Western and culture. And she's for USC. Not to defend Clint Eastwood's character in any way, but she's incredibly condescending about the music and about the culture and whatnot. Yeah, she's kind of like one of those characters from meatballs that isn't having it, you know? Like, she just came off of that bus.

A woman with self-respect, huh? I'll fix this. So, yeah, he gets, I guess he gets from Orville some dentures that I was, is his mother's or something? I don't know, but. Orville knows exactly what he means by like, hey, Orville. And he does like a give me the thing movement with his fingers. Like this is not the first time they've done this trick on a woman before. Any woman that doesn't want to sleep with me gets a prank.

Oh yeah, lady. Hope you like rubber spiders. I call it the wanker prank. I hope you like reaching into buckets of popcorn. Do you feel lucky? I dare you to sit on this whoopee cushion. You're sitting on something. It better not be a whoopee cushion.

So she's eating, by the way, in this disgusting honky tonk. It's like clam chowder. It is straight up New England clam chowder. We're talking the white kind, man. Wrong coast, man. Wrong fucking coast. And he's like, he's like, hey, Orville, you know, what to do and he gives him like a half of a pair of dentures orville's got a gun he's like not yet orville

that's no first the teeth gag if that doesn't work we'll kill her and he just dumps these dentures in the chowder and like mixes it up and he's like oh back so soon huh boy that chowder looks mighty delicious and she like goes to pick up the spoon and there's just this teeth in there and she screams and she knows right away that he did it's like you pig you know and and she leaves and he's just like that's what you get for not sleeping with me Clyde I'm going to be written about it in an academic paper I'm somebody's thesis words getting out Clyde I'm a source of cultural shame someone's writing it up so this lady plays a great set and you know he buys are a beer and immediately they hit

it off like immediately he's like hey want to go for a ride and she's like that sounds like a great idea the steely glared maniac it is a real zero to 60 situation and I actually I think I wrote something like yeah fastest pickup ever

because he's like hmm yeah sure is a nice day today and she's like I will have sex with you Orville's got the dent she's like no no Orvo no no need for the dentures, just pass me some of the rubbers. Yeah, right.

Orville will try and then that's another. By the way, there's a note somewhere in this phone that just says a whole lot of pulling out. Because this is a dude who is not wrapping it up under any

circumstance. Well, I mean, it says it right in his job title, Bear Knuckle, man. I mean, when you You're right. You're right. Hey, Big Al, are you sexually responsible? Used to be. So they're making out and like, you know, getting to be fast friends. And she's like, you know, oh, if I can only get out of this town, you know, I just need a couple of grand to open my own bar.

And he's like, well, I got a couple of grand from killing people. Killing people in the ring. Or more accurately, a ring that's just a circle of keg. indicating the fighting boundaries of whatever bout I'm participating in. By kegs, you mean fat guy's guts. By the way, the rings that are involved, they change based on which blue-collar profession they're around at the time. Yeah, you're right.

One time it's in a meat packing plant. Another time, it's by a bunch of brick-layer bricks, you know, a bunch of mason work. It's whatever union fight that he's a part of, you know, what I mean? Because guaranteed not one of these places is union free. Like these are all unionized dudes who like, you know, that whistle blows, it's fighting time.

We're off the clock. It's time for a brawl. That's kind of we talk about time travel fantasies. This is my time travel nightmare. It's living in like 1970s rural blue collar garbage. You wouldn't make it a week. You'd be eaten alive.

You can't read Rolling Stones without getting called an egg head. Well, the jokes on them We got rid of all their jobs Gave it to computers Yeah And computers can't fight each other And now there's every which way

Beluce events happening in Mexico right now Yeah Definitely a guy Fighting another guy with a monkey around Or you know Or a dude fighting a chicken Yeah Probably a lot of those

Anything goes I'm surprised there's no cock fighting in this movie Orville's like hey Clint You go fight that guy I'm going to have these two chickens fight each other. And you know what? It would totally be one of those, you know, flip-flopper things. Like, he's upset that there's an ape in a cage.

Guaranteed this character would put a wager on cockfighting. Oh, man, you know what? I just had to, if there was, you know, a Marvel shared universe of every which way but loose, walking tall, cockfighter. Cockfighter with a war and O. Yeah, white dogs in there. It all kind of, and then at the end, they form a racist super team. America for Americans.

You know, I don't... That was a question I had about this character. Is Clint Eastwood's character in this movie a racist? You don't really know. Yeah, I want to say no because he does fight a black gentleman at one point, and there's no, like, I got to fight who? You know what I mean? He's like, I'm just going to fight you like I fight anybody else.

You know what I mean? He seems a pretty... He's a pretty pretty pretty, pretty. fair guy. Meat is meat. We're all made of the same meat. Meat. I actually wouldn't be, you know what?

Maybe he's not a racist. Guaranteed he'd try cannibalism. Guaranteed. That's the Andrew Troopin guarantee. You're trying cannibalism. Well, he would at least get very close to it whenever this ape dies because he is definitely going to barbecue it up because that's what Clyde would have wanted. If Clyde.

was killed in some sort of fight or something or some motorcycle gang battle that they found themselves in, would he eat him? Oh, yeah. I think he would drag his... Is that the Eric Siska guarantee? You're definitely eating that ape. Why waste the meat? He was a good friend of mine.

Now he'll be in forever with me. I'm bearing into Native American mysticism. Yeah, you got it. And I mean, so Clint Eastwood's getting fed a line by this lady. You know, it's a real line. It's a mile long, this line, I'll tell you what. And, like, he's just a big idiot, like, because I think he's just kind of mentally not so much there because him and this monkey really see eye to eye on these things. He's gotten his, he's gotten brain damage from all the fighting.

You know, yeah, there's a lot of bare knuckle boxing in this movie alone. And it's not his first rodeo, like this first fight we see him in. he is an expert at bare knuckle boxing and so yeah i would imagine you're getting kicked in the head an awful lot or punched in the head or head butted or throwing your head into something a lot of head trauma a lot of big al's fist coming at you coming at you and so he's getting fed this line and she's like oh if only had seven grand and like you know they make out and he kind of casually lets go that he has this ape and she's like oh really Oh, that sounds so hot to bring him over.

You smell like a fucking ape. Oh, that explains it. Yeah. And so the whole horse shit thing, and you know something's amiss at this point is like, you know, back at the honky tongue, she was ready to go. You know what I mean? Yeah. Totally DTF. And then we get here.

And she's like, oh, by the way, my boyfriend's in the trailer. And he's like, boyfriend, that's information I could have used before we left the honky tongue. you would have got the old denture trick. Hey, Orville, I wish cell phones existed. I could call Orville to come here with his dentures. And so it's a thing where he's like, well, I'm going to go in there and straighten him out. Wait a second. I'm just looking to have an affair.

I don't want you to kill this man. And he's like, no, no, no, it's fine. I'll take care of it. I just love this notion. It's just like, okay, well, you and I are dating now. And I'm going to go tell your boyfriend that it's over. Oh, yeah. It's a real, like, you're mine now, said the caveman, said the ape man.

It's weird because there's no indication that she wants this to happen. And through this movie, one of his threads is, all I need to do is knock her boyfriend's teeth out. And then I win. That's it. If he gets a TKO on this dude, she's his. That's how it works. so the next night she's like all right i'll talk to you tomorrow

he meets up with her again and he's like here's seven thousand dollars for that honky tonk bar you wanted oh yeah that's her whole thing is she's from denver she wants to move back to denver open up her own honky tonk so she can play on the bill with like her band every night hack town come on you don't do that yeah and seven grand uh goes

towards her her bar and you know Clint Eastwood gets to tend the rabbits so it works out but yeah there's no you know she's like oh that sounds great but there's no her being like and yeah you could totally come and yes tend the rabbits bare knuckle box whatever you want to do it's like wow that's that's really going to get me on my way that sounds great there's also something that aggravates him where she says like she's been saving up this money but the dude is taking it yeah and he's like well how much do you have saved up and she's like well i don't know he doesn't tell me the amount or whatever so that really starts you know boiling his blood he wants to straighten him out is what he wants to do man i wish i was the

kind of guy that could straighten somebody out i mean i can yell at somebody and give you a real like chewing out verbally i can't do much for the for the physical like like he really just like get some like donkey con punches in on these people yeah you have you tried children i really should start just beating on kids and the way so it goes from from there. The way I could straighten somebody out is if they're trying to buy Mortal Kombat annihilation. I'm like, no, no, no, no, buy the first one. It's better. And they're like, oh, thanks. Thanks for straightening me out, Steve. Appreciate it. Hey, that guy straightened out people's video choices. You're welcome. So they go to a diner, by the way. Speaking of

more fights, they go out to have a bite to eat. And it's a weird, like, Orville's the third wheel and doesn't care. It's also a weird. He's like, like, Eastwood's like, we're going to go out for dinner now and I want you to meet my friend Orville and she's just like okay yeah I'll meet Orville and so like can you imagine right like here's this dude just like well hey there you're purdy she's got to be somewhere in the back of her head like where's this going he did give me that $7,000 she's got her hand in her pocket doing the thing where you use your keys as brass knuckles just like waiting for somebody to make their move oh yeah it's the old bad neighborhood key chain bare knuckle preparation I've done that and yeah i mean this it's amazing these like these two bikers who are not the same two bikers but

different two bikers but from the same biker gang the black widows this is when this are white supremacists oh yeah a thousand times so it's good that we we do have some racists in here and the racists are the bad guys yep yep which is you know that's that's what you want racist to be in movies good for eastwood for not signing up it is enough uh swastick is in this movie to make Frank Miller blush, but it's not, you know, nobody seemed to buy that, though. Are these swastikas

full-on, like, racist Nazi swastikas? Or I read that, I read once that some punk bands used the swastika imagery as, like, to represent the losing side and being losers. Yeah,

these guys are racist. Oh, okay. These guys are racist bikers. Well, you just, just straightened something out. Nice. See, I can do it.

And they kind of get into a fight because they're trying, like, it's this weird thing. Like, I don't know where you get off, like, buying some woman a beer who's at a table with two men. And you're just like, hey, I'm going to buy that lady a beer. Show her what it's like. Because they, I mean, the whole thing with this biker gang is they like fucking with people and they think they're a lot tougher than they are. Yeah. My big question for this biker gang, the Black Widows, is the following. how do you have a biker gang

that acts so tough really walks the walk or rather talks to talk and does not walk the walk because how do you not have a knife or a gun on any of these guys? At one point somebody's got a chain, that's it. They find the chain from like a third location.

You know what I mean? Like nobody's got it on him. The only one who has a weapon of any kind is the bike gang leader who hilariously looks like a very piggish Brendan Gleason. It looks exactly like Brendan Gleason. If Brendan Gleason had monster makeup on, That's what this guy looks like. It's the five seconds and 28 days later where Brendan Gleason is a zombie.

It's this guy's whole life. Oh, after that little droplet of blood just gets in his eye and he starts growling. Get the fuck of me for me. So that's what this actor looks like who's in a movie. And he's got like a riding crop because he's their leader. So he's got to whip them all into shape. Like that's, you know, cropping them all like a horse. He's the guy wearing, like, the SS cap and stuff.

He's the most into being a neo-Nazze. Well, he's got a swastika tattoo on his big beer belly. You know that important information because good luck getting a shirt on this guy. I mean, honestly, I couldn't. I just thought it was such a fashion faux pot to wear that cap without a shirt because your dress, that cap is a dress-up cap. I'm sorry. It's a part of a uniform. You need a starched shirt.

Yes, exactly. Like you need a collar and butt. Because he's also got like the dainty white scarf that's hanging down over the fat got. I'm like, who the fuck do you think you are? Jimmy Hendricks? Give me a break with this outfit. And if it's that hot, wear a different hat. Like, you know what I mean?

Like switch it up, put on like a little bucket cap or something. So he takes these two guys outside. There's a lot of people saying we're going to take it outside in this movie, which is an expression. I've always been in love with. Like, let's take it outside. Oh, yeah. Pretty great. But the gag in this is like Orville keeps like eating his pot pie or whatever he's eating for dinner.

And she's like, what's he going to do to them? You know, and he's like, oh, he's going to straighten him out. Don't worry about it. And it's the gag is like the camera stays in the diner and you just hear all the fighting. And there's some shadow work going on. And then like a big crashing sound. And it's like, then they cut. And these guys are just stuffed in garbage cans.

And I'm pretty sure they steal their motorcycles at this point. The whole gag is every time he takes down bikers from this gang, he steals their motorcycles and sells them. That's how it's not from boxing. That's how he gives her the $7,000 because he sells the two motorcycles from the street sweeper train incident. He takes those motorcycles and sells them for $7,000. Grand theft auto. So he gives her this money and he's like, now will you have sex with me? And she's like, yeah, tomorrow.

Meet me at this spot tomorrow. And then she fucking skips town. Yep. Her whole home is gone because she lives in a trailer. Because that's, you know, this is actually the type of, you know, the typography of the film. Trailer parks, dingy bars. Yep.

Roadside cafes. Truck stops. Yep. Exactly. It's kind of a nice tapestry. Ape barns. Especially ape barns. The Albuquerque Zoo comes into play later.

So this is when we got to hit the road. And, like, all right. So she runs off with your money. And Eastwood has this thing of like, oh, no, her boyfriend must have kidnapped her. Yeah, it couldn't possibly be she condemned. It's, oh, no, she's been kidnapped. He's violent. And she wants my.

Violence. Yeah. Plus, I already owned her because I gave her $7,000. So now we're going to track her down. And it's just creep town. It's like a well-intentioned super creep move. Because, yeah, he's tended in the rabbits. Like, he doesn't get how creepy this is.

You know, he's not all there. And he's like, well, I'll just find her. She's missing, so I'll find her. She said she was from Colorado. Might as well look there. Wait a second. That's a big place. And honestly, proper con next time.

Don't tell them the town you're actually from. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah, I grew up in Baton Rouge, you know. Also, I don't know. I'm not sure the accurate geography here if you're driving out of L.A. to drive to Denver. But, yeah, how is it they blow through Albuquerque? They go through New Mexico. I mean, I guess, you know, they start. I think you could do that, actually, yeah. It seems like it's not the most, like, time efficient way to do that. But we're just hitting the road. I would hit up L.A.X for that one. you mean you wouldn't drive in a pickup truck with a little trailer hitch on the flat bed with an ape with an ape shitting in the back that's something that's never addressed by the way is the ape is definitely shitting in the cab of that truck and nobody's saying anything about it

this ape is not wearing a diaper that's a big problem for me yep because where's it going where's it going the ape every which way the ape you know he may know how to open a thing of coer's banquet beer but he doesn't know how a toilet works. I'm sorry. And also, if you want to have this ape, speak English, use a can opener, like, whatever. He used the jukebox at one point.

He totally does successfully operate a jukebox. If all this happens, I need a scene where that ape, it's like, oh, what happened to Clyde? Toilet flush sound effect and the door opens and he walks out of a bathroom. But you never see it. So this ape is definitely defecating every which way but the bathroom. Yes. It's just what's happening. The toilet flushes he comes out reading Scientific American.

I would have guessed Highlights Magazine. Start somewhere kind of simple if you're an ape and work your way up. No, it's the opposite. That's what the Eastwood's reading. One of these things is not like the other. Give me another hour. I'll find it. I'm trying to find the last lamp in this picture.

I've successfully found six lamps. Oh, wait. In this picture, the owl has only one eye open. And then Clyde's like, oh, this new computer thing they invented might actually last a little bit. I think there's some future here. You boys better get yourself on board. You know, we want what you want. Civilization.

Large Hadron Collider. Sounds good to me. And Orville just goes because Orville is just abated. a male and it's just like whatever you say boss yeah absolutely and there's this weird thing where they pick up they instantly pick up beverly de angelo and and like she just gives up her life she's to follow these two creeps and an ape in a car she's working at a farm stand her name's echo what her name's echo because that's the gag in this movie's every time she explains what her name is to somebody they go what echo oh well that's weird ain't it well anyway continue

with the movie. Also, here's my thing. Can all be ape jokes? All right. Talk to you later. Man, how about a modern remake with Larry the cable guy? I was thinking Channing Tatum. Ooh. Channing Tatum is the bare knuckle boxer Larry Cable. Larry the Cable guy is as

Orville. Or the ape. Yeah. He's doing some Andy Circus motion capture technology. You know what? Honestly, I'd go see that in the theater. That sounds like a pretty good movie. Fucking sky. Hi, hi. Go see that movie, man. Absolutely.

So here's the thing about when you're on a road trip with a buddy and an ape buddy, and you decide to pick up a pretty lady, you have to say up front to this woman that, oh, by the way, there's an ape in the back of the truck. Because she's riding with these guys for like six hours before she finds the ape. And at that point, she thinks it's a monster because it's the middle of the ground. They're staying at one of those campgrounds of America sites, you know, which they get a big plug in this movie. And she's like, she goes to open the door to the flatbed or whatever. And she starts screaming like, there's a monster back there, Clark. And they're like, oh, don't worry about it. That's just Clyde, our ape friend.

And she's like, that doesn't make it any better, Clark. I just want Beverly DeAngelo to be yelling at Chevy Chase and anything she does. Yeah, she has for most of her. a career there's a great scene where like later in the movie like because you know Orville's got some game he picks up Beverly DeAngel right away he's laying pipe the whole

time oh yeah there's been he's closing that deal day of and you know at some point I don't know he think he's talking to the ape Glittiesman's like you know I'm not like Orville I can't make it with pretty ladies I need my self-confidence for shit yeah he's talking about how like

he's not able to put himself out there. And you're right, Steve, he is indeed bearing his soul to the ape. He's like, yeah, we got a follower. She's the only woman I ever loved. Yeah, he's got this line like about like how Orville has someone and I, I almost had someone, but that's what we're trying to find out here. I almost had someone, but that's what this movie's about. And then they get so depressed by talking to this ape. They decide like while

these two are banging in the motel, he's going to, he's going to go out on a fucking bender in Albuquerque with this ape with the ape. He goes to multiple dive bars with the ape. Apes drinking there. He goes to a strip club with the ape. First of all, you're paying extra for that. You're not getting in the door.

I'm sorry. At some point, the bouncer is like, hey, buddy, I'm sorry. Well, the cover's $10, but the ape covers $25. You're going to be able to manage that? That's a $900, $1978 money. Well, I could

I don't have it, but I could work for it. Do you got anyone I could beat up? Look, let my ape friend in and have a good time, and I'll bounce a couple of these guys for you. You can take a break as the actual bouncer, and I'll be the fake bouncer. It's good because I get weirdly violent

around sexual situations. I'm through the roof right now, seeing all these pretty ladies. You can't tell, but my blood is boiling. Boiling. so he gets so fucking drunk he goes back to the motel at like two or three in the morning drives back to the motel air there is a ton of irresponsible drinking and driving in this movie drinking and driving and drinking whilst driving by the way not only that but also there's a scene where i forget where but he and the ape get picked up hitchhiking you're not pulling over there's a guy got a hairy monster with him i'm not pulling over for anybody, but I'm double not pulling over for anybody and

anybody's ape. Okay. Hey, stranger, where are you heading? Oh, to the motel. By the way, I'm a professional fighter, and this is my ape. I won in a fight. Peels out. Or that'll be $900,

$1978 money to ride in this truck. So they get back to the motel, and he's just like, wiki, wiki. And pulls the blankets off of Jeff, or And Beverly Neangelo. Hey, uh, you done fucking?

Because I got something really stupid to do. And he's rambling. It makes no goddamn sense. He's like, he's just like, oh, I almost had someone. You have someone and he won't, he doesn't ever get anybody. It's just like, like the horrible single friend who's crying because you have a girlfriend. Yeah. Or a boyfriend, you know, it's like, and I'm just going to be alone forever being Clyde.

And, you know, apes can live like 80 years. So Clyde's going to outlive. me and I'm going to die and leave him all alone. I just had a picture of that fucking ape burying Clinties. Dude, I'm picturing it now. It's like the freshly dug grave. The ape in tuxedo is standing at the foot of the grave like

like paws closed in front of him like very politely standing there grieving. Okay, Clyde. Do you want to do the eulogy? Here you go. Well, that was beautiful, Clyde. Clyde, would you like to be the first to throw dirt on the coffin? He starts hucking shit at it. And that's why you don't bring an ape to a funeral.

So what happens here is the plot now is Clean Eastwood has decided everyone needs to wake up, get in the truck right now, because he's going to drink and drive again, to go to the zoo because Clyde needs to get laid. And it's this weird, he's like explaining it. he just has to see you to fuck all the time and he's probably and you know he's not stupid he's not like a monkey he's an ape and he knows what fucking is and he wants to do it too his blood is

boiling too just like mine really boiling when orville finally like puts it together there's like this weird look on his face he's like where are we going to get clyde laid i believe there's at this hour thrown in there which is basically like well you know you know Clint Eastwood if this was during business hours I know about six locations in Albuquerque City Limits alone where I could get this monkey lake

I could sniff out a fight I could sniff out a lady that would jerk off an ape I could he's just that guy he's street streetwise but the funny thing is at this point so they're all in the cab and you know Clive's getting all revved up in the back

and if I'm Beverly Theangelo I'm just like, I was just like, we were just having a sweet, like, post-coital conversation. Now my, now my, like, beta male boyfriend is just jumping to because my, this fucking weirdo wants to get this ape fucked. And I, by the way, I've known these people for three days. Yeah, exactly. She's thinking back to those sweet, sweet days at the roadside fruit stand. Like, sure, when, when we were introduced to Echo, she was getting harassed by some lady who was saying,

And the melons were a buck cheaper down the road. But you know what? That was paradise compared to this weird ape sex adventure that she's being thrust into. It'd be great if she was just like, she looked at the camera. Well, it's better than Charles Manson. That's her backstory. Echo. Come on.

In real life, she would grin and bear it and then be gone. Oh, yeah. Just gone before dawn then. Just wait until they're both asleep and the apes asleep. Although, can you sneak out on an ape? I bet they rise pretty easily. That's how they keep her. Yeah.

Yeah, Clyde has to sleep by the motel door. Going somewhere. Like, the ape wakes up when she's trying to sneak out. Then he instantly wakes up. He gets up like Eastwood just rises like a bored. Like 90 degree angle. Nosepharatu. Going somewhere.

She puts a hand on the doorknob. The ape starts throwing shit at her. You know, Orville likes you awful lot. you're staying you're his girlfriend now i need to keep all these women in line or else they'll just all go to colorado without me you know what really makes my blood boil when people open the door in the middle of the night it really makes my blood boil that a pile of shit slams against the door right next to her head i killed big al what the fuck are you little girl So as we know by now, they're on the road trying to go to Colorado.

But hot pursuit, I feel like we need to check in. Fucking cold on the trail. The bikers are trying to find Eastwood. And by the way, Eastwood's name is Philo. Yes. I was something around. Yeah. I thought that was amusing.

And the bikers go to Orville's mother's house and like want to know where he is and stuff. And this is where we get a little action set piece involving Granny and a shotgun. just shooting these motorcycles and they're just exploding. Oh, she's got a god killer, man. And she's hitting the gas tank on every one of these motorcycles. Ruth Gordon's just sitting there. And like, it's one of those things where, I mean, you know, she didn't live much longer after this movie.

And I mean, she is just rambling. Like, yeah, oh, you said you couldn't take care of myself. I'll leave an old lady onto her own devices. And she's like talking over. firing this god killer she does not stop for a breath once it's like nonstop like the bikers come up like excuse me ma'am have you seen philo blah blah blah and well who would want to know blah blah and it just keeps going until the scene's over with and it's not funny it's not fun nobody's being entertained by this i was so it was i've only seen this movie once like for this

episode. If I had seen it beforehand, I would have fast fucking forwarded, man, because it's useless. It's so useless. Secondary useless thread is the police officer and his deputy. So they got into a fight, like, you know, like, Fylo was all pissed off because he found out that, uh, what's her face skipped town. So and he bumps into the cop, and the cop gives him lip, they get into a fight. The next day, the guy, this cop has got a black guy. He's relaying to his deputy like, well, I'm taking medical leave and I'm going to find this son of a bitch and I'm going to end it. And it's like, wait, why? I mean, basically, every ending of this movie is the ending, the easy rider, except the actual ending of this movie.

You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly right. Like, someone finally finds these dudes and ends them, right? Like, the cops want to end him. The bikers want to end him. And none of that happens. But you're just like, okay, we have to stop the crazy monkey sex adventure to go back. We have to go back 45 minutes to where the rest of these characters are because, like, they're like three states out.

Yeah. And then the rest of the movie's like, oh, maybe we should just follow the main characters so we too can stay in the movie. Yeah. And there's like, you know, there's a fucking brawl at a diner with the fucking hillbillies. And who could care? There is. Who could really care? It's like we came on showing how much losers these bikers are and like how great, like, honest truck driving.

Americans can be, you know? Yeah, because they pick a fight with like an old fat trucker. Yeah, this guy's like, you know what? Keep the coffee coming, sweetheart. I'm going to go outside and take care of these boys. And I'm like, oh, man, this guy's going to get his ass kicked. Yeah, he's pretty dumpy. Yeah.

He's tough, though. He's big and fat and tough. That's the thing is like you're, you're fucking gristled old, tough fat man and you're not going to take it anymore. But that's what I don't get, though. All these bikers are fat. Yeah. There's only the one. There's the only the one guy who looks like cons number two in Star Trek.

Yeah. That like real chiseled motherfucker with the long hair. Yeah. There's like almost a clone of that guy in this movie. But every one of them is just a fat moron. But they're terrible at fighting. Except for, yeah, except for the right kind of fat moron. And they beat the shit out of it.

You got to be a fat moron, but you also got to be a working stiff. Yeah. If you don't have work ethic, you can't kick anybody's ass. No, you got to be, you got that colors better be blue. now also in addition to getting their asses kicked by these truck drivers one one guy pulls in with his truck and then runs over all of his bike all the bikes the black widow's bikes so how many goddamn motorcycles are being destroyed and how many are they buying what is going on i think that's the gag is like the biker gang is slowly being depleted it's like sometimes you see dudes riding like two to a hog yeah or like there's some with like a hilarious sidecar attached you know but other than that like if you're losing bikes like you're losing bikers so like this gang is slowly just defeating themselves is is what we're led to believe it'd be great if like the motorcycle gets destroyed and the guy just like applies for a job at the diner like well i guess i live here now this is my life in case we didn't understand that this lady was totally playing philo you know there's all these scenes where like we cut from them being on the road looking for her to her just like meeting up with dudes and pulling the same routine on these fellas that she pulled with Eastwood and you're like okay I get it like she's running a scam on these people that's her bag like okay total oh we're gonna do it a fourth time okay well that's the weird thing is like you would think the movie has to be on Clint Eastwood side and the movie is on Clint Eastwood side because like he always wins the fight you know he's got all quote unquote the best lines you know like so you would think the movie would follow suit and like he would She would have been kidnapped by this scumbag ex-boyfriend or whatever.

You know what I mean? Like she would be the victim that he's coming in to say. But no, he's just trying to even some weird score because his blood is boiling. It's just boiling. And that it's not coming down from the boil is the problem. Speaking of his blood boiling, at this point, he looks at his wallet. And it starts to really boil. And he's like, Orville, you know, you know what?

The vacation funds running kind of low better find us a fight. can re-up. This is where he's... Spend a grand getting that monkey laid. Orville goes to like a nasty ass Santa Fe, uh, billiards club, sniffs out a fight. The guy's like, you know, the

meat packing plant? And Orville's like, I'll figure it out. How many could they're be in this town? The guy looks like Frank Zappa, by the way. He totally does. It's like, it's like if David Schwimmer went as Frank Zappa for Halloween, that's this guy

looks like. So they get to the plant, you know, there's meat everywhere, and they have themselves a big old brawl with this giant guy. Like he's like got a foot on Easter.

He looks like an adobe from Double Dragon. And you know, by the way, kudos to this movie. It's 1978. We're fighting around a lot of meat and not one rack of ribs gets punched. And not one health inspector.

Hey, cool. Yeah, exactly. These are, these would go to a bunch of and jack in the boxes the next day. Oh, yeah, totally.

Covered in Clint Eastwood's blood. Yeah, gristle in all. Yeah, these are fine. Send him out. Carl's Jr. can have him. I mean, this scene ends with Beverly DeAngelo's gun, which doesn't come to anything. Like, she basically, like,

they're trying to stiff him on the money and like... Right, because he obviously wins. He kicks this guy's ass. Yeah, it's a real fair and square fight. And then he's like, you know, oh, give me the money. And he's like, well, what money says Frank Schwimmer. yeah so echo shoots the gun in the air and then shoots a piece of meat to show that she means business yeah it'd be great if this movie was kind of like and it's kind of his set up like the color of money it's just like you know like one night you know beverly d'angelo and orville are going out on their own their own time and like you know to keep his skills sharp

clinistwood tries to get to a fight but he picks it with forest whittaker and it just and just gets taken for everything he's worth that's this movie needs one of those scenes, you know, like where he really meets his match, and it doesn't happen. Right. Like, he does lose a fight at the end of this movie, but he throws it for no reason. We'll get there. We're almost there, but we'll get there.

So they wind up in Colorado, and the first, well, actually, first they, this is great fishing scene. This is where the policeman meets his end. Is like, is the end. They're buying all this beard. Beverly D'Angela has my favorite line in this movie. And she's like, man, there's nothing.

Two things, do you think, man. Man, nothing goes better together than fishing and drinking beer. And it's like, oh, man. Really? And Orville is rock hard. He's like, oh, man, lady of my dreams. Yeah, yeah. So they're at this, like, bait shop, you know,

those bait and tackles shop there. And they're getting like, you know, worms and fly fishing things. Is this the one Philo said he wanted? Yeah. What about Clyde? Does he eat worms? like just yells out like Philo like they're technically on the run right like yeah not really but I mean they've crossed a lot of people so you shouldn't be throwing names out and so the cop and

the deputy are in the store like say Philo well that's just a crazy enough name that it has to be Clint Eastwood let's kill this guy finally so it's a weird like there a Beverly DeAngelo echo and Orville are off doing their thing you know we're at another campground of America site. And Clint Eastwood is just in this river with just the Dickie's work pants and these boots just fishing. A hat, no shirt. Fly

fishing up to his fucking groin and there's just moss everywhere and he's not changing these pants afterwards. The athlete's foot. I'm telling you, it's got to be terrible. Speaking of boiling, his toes are boiling. Dude, that's his problem

with the ladies, huh? I don't like taking my socks off in front of women. Jeez, this guy's probably got athlete dick. My dick smells worse than the monkeys. At least he's got

natural antibodies. Oh, dude. That's checked. Speaking of STDs, not to get too off track, but when we meet ECHO, when we meet Echo and she's getting harassed by that lady at the fruit stand,

like the way Orville introduces himself to her is he goes up to the lady who's harassing her and whispers something in her ear, and this lady, And he gives out a big, like, well, I never harrumpf and, like, storms off. So, like, a day later, she's like, hey, Orville, by the way, when we met, what did you say to that lady to make her go away so fast? And he goes, I told her you had the clap. And then Clint is one starts laughing.

It's like, oh, yeah, I told her you were diseased. She would be buying diseased person fruit. And then to flare with her, by the way, he holds up two cantalopes like breasts. And the rest is history. Oh, man, it works. Try it at home. Oh, you know what? You just showed, you just mocked my reproductive system.

I'm going to follow you around the country. Well, I was trying to say it's delicious. Hey, I said nice melons. What do you want? That's the joke. It doesn't work if I'm not holding melons. So Eastwood's fishing in this river. And like, the cops find him.

And the guy is like, the sheriff says to the deputy, like, all right, you walk around all the way. It's a lake. I said river earlier. It's a lake. He's like, you walk all the way around to the other side of the lake so you can get like the clear shot just in case he gets away from me. So this dude runs off. And he's like ready to blow his fucking brains out. Well, that's what they've been traw he's on medical leave to kill this guy, Andrew.

If he gets sick for the rest of the year, he's got to come into work. By the way, he's like, well, at least I killed that guy. Yeah. also you know obviously he's not he's he's not using his badge here this is just i'm going to go to another state far away yeah murder someone strict vengeance man this is a crooked cop man i can't believe i got the clap used all those sick days trying to hunt that monkey lover never did find him though oh well so it's so stupid like he pulls the gun on him and eastwood's like kind of actually scared He doesn't know who he is because he clearly doesn't remember.

He's beating up so many dudes in between this fishing expedition. And when he beat the shit out of this guy the first time. So he's like, who are you? By the way, I can feel my blood starting to boil. And then Eastwood starts getting like a little bite on the line while he's fishing. So the whole joke is like the guy is giving him advice as to how to reel in this big wopper of a catch. It's an Elmer Fudd bit. Yes, it's totally limited to this.

But it's also a day as ex-exam. fish enough because there's you know if that if that fish didn't bite the line at that particular moment eastwood's dead yeah you're totally right yeah his brains are just in that lake for the fish to then eat it gets to the point where the dude is like give me the look give me give me the real and and the guy then like puts his gun away and stuff so now the guy's like fishing instead of murdering which is what you came all this way for yes you do no I don't yes you do No, I don't. No, you don't. Yes, I do. Like, that's exactly what we're dealing with here.

Oh, man, it'd be great because, like, you know, if that doesn't happen, you know, Eastwood gets blown away, and then they go away, and for whatever reason, Orville can't remember would they park the car, and Clyde just bakes and bakes and bakes in that trailer until he dies. As much as I love that grim ending to this movie, a more fun. Every which way but lose. This is the sun setting, and the apes just banging on the. The compartment, let's just see the truck shaking, and then it's stop shaking, final guitar twang, fade to black. But if this ape, like, so Eastwood dies, right? And Orville, they get chased out of town or something. Or maybe the sheriff even kills the two of them.

Sure. Doesn't know that the ape's in the truck, right? The ape, because we've already seen that he knows how to drive a car, the ape starts following the sheriff and the deputy and seeks revenge on them. becomes like an Anton Sugar. Dude, if this ape just killed the sheriff with an air gun, oh yeah, that'd be great. He's choking him on the ground with a big grin on his face.

Then he just throws a bunch of shit on the dead bodies. By the way, the way Eastwood finally gets this cop is by beating him in the face with a fish. Oh, yeah, he smacks him right in the mouth of this big old whopper of a fish that he catches. And then he runs around. He just knows there's another guy there.

I guess he somehow knows. He climbs a tree, jumps on the guy. We assume beats the living shit out of him. And or murders him. Yeah, you don't see it because it's off camera. It's like just below frame. Yeah. But we know Eastwood is successful because he bounces back up into frame in slow motion with that shirt still off and you just hear the Tarzan scream.

Like this, like a sample. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And Orville's like across the lake going. and like, huh, you must be spending too much time with Clyde. Because you can tell that Tarzan scream was him, I guess. Oh, he's starting to turn into an ape. That's weird.

Isn't it, Beverly DeAngelo? This beating that he lays on the sheriff, by the way, is no joke. Brutal. It's a real just, and in movies, and also in real life, because I did see it happen one time in real life, anyone getting the shit beat out of him unlike the bank of a body of water, oh, it's always the best place for a beating.

You saw this in real life? I saw this in real life happen one time. I saw this dude get his ass kicked, right? It was like a real nice, like gated community, right? And like behind all the houses, it was like a circular road kind of a thing. The dark underbelly. Behind all the houses, there was this big, like not big enough to be a lake, but like an oversized pond. And everybody was drunk and somebody said the wrong thing to the wrong guy.

And this dude got his ass kicked right on the water. And it's like wet punches getting thrown. Oh, man. And the best is when you win a fight like that, you have the glory of just leaving that person in the water. And someone else has to help them out. Like, that's what happened. And it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen in my life. And the fighter is now serving nine to life, I think.

Now, the cops came and broke up the party and everybody ran away. That's how that ends. That's how you get away with stuff in suburb. You just run when the cops come. So speaking of the beating that he laid on this guy, it goes so severe that Eastwood's like, Hey, that must be their car. I'm going to push it into the lake.

He loves destroying other people's vehicles. The property damage he gets away with in this movie. Like, yeah, you know what, dude, you want to beat the shit out of me? We're even. Don't destroy my way home. Or my way to the hospital. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, he might be able to drive himself to the emergency room. Can't have that, Norman Bates into the swamp. Mother wouldn't like it. Cut back to Ruth Gordon. Like, no, I wouldn't. I'm a character in this movie. I hate it. Then it turns into when the bite, like finally we're in, you know, this Colorado town.

It's where what's her face is. And Lynn. Yeah. And the biker gang catches up with Clint Eastwood. And he just, you know, there's a really bad. good, the bad, the ugly reference. They do the old, which happens in more Eastwood movies than you think.

Yeah. Like, I think in Kelly's heroes towards the end, they do it as well. And it's just like, I get it to a degree. Like, if you replace the ape with like another dude, you know, they're on the search for a missing lady. It's kind of like a Western plot.

But like this is the scene where it gets most Western. Because they're in like a mining town. there's no one around and like the bikers just roll in and that he beats the shit out of all of the bikers oh yeah every last one of them meanwhile orville is too distracted by he's marveling at the wonder that is a garbage truck it's a real look at that truck and when i saw i was like oh is he talking about a truck that's behind that garbage truck no he's just really excited about this garbage truck that has a forklift on it because thank goodness it has a forklift on it because it's a opportunity to destroy some more motorcycles.

Yes, he's just, while Eastwood's fighting these guys, he's just thrown each motorcycle in the back and crushing it. It reminded me of the end of the original Ninja Turtles when Casey Jones murders the Shredder. Straight up murder in that movie. The Shredder gets his, you know, he falls into the garbage truck and, oh, I'm all wet with garbage. You're like, oh, that's a kid's movie. And Casey Jones goes, oops.

And, like, turns it on and, like, turns it on. and crushes him. The comical murder. And that is such horseshit. Because in that second movie, where they totally show you the scene from the first one, you're not, like,

I've seen those things up close, do their magic. I've seen things, the garbage trucks that have the presses on them. Oh, I thought you meant like, Ninja Turtles. No,

I wish I saw. I wish I saw. Andrew was at a suburban party with the Ninja Turtles. Dude, the Ninja Turtles showed up and started beating the shit out of this kid that was claiming that he was the shredder. And they were like, Like, no one pretends to be the shredder, and they beat the shit out of this kid in the lake, and it was awesome.

No, but, like, you know, you're, like, parked next to, like, in the city a lot, you know, when you drive around, you haven't forbidden to get stuck behind a garbage truck, you're going to be 45 fucking minutes late for work, you know. And so I've seen these things. I've seen them crushed desks and metal chairs and just, like, iron bedposts just, like, destroy these things. And well-armored Asian men. And shredder. Yeah, and then you're telling me the shrews. Redder isn't popping like a balloon in that thing? Give me a break, Ninja Turtle's movie.

If you knew there was going to be a sequel, which you could probably have guaranteed this was going to be a pretty big successful movie. Don't kill him. There can't be a hoops. We can rebuild him. We have the technology from Dimension X. See, now, if it... They already had Michael Gambon signed on for the Rat King for the next movie and

that it fell through. That would have been awesome. But if like... Whatever. That second Ninja Turtle's movie. so stupid. Well, get to it. Stay tuned. Yeah, that's, that's a, that's a sooner than you think stay tuned. And, uh, so finally, he beats the shit out of all these people. The, the, the, the motorcycles get destroyed. Every which way but loose there destroyed these motorcycles. And they all steal this garbage truck. And, you know, Clyde gives everybody the finger and it's funny. Because there's

nothing funnier than an ape given the finger. And finally, he runs into Lynn at, at her honky tonk bar. And she's just playing it like she played the last one. You know, it's almost as if this is her script, you know. Well, it's also a weird day. He runs into her initially. Just before the fishing thing, I think, right? Yeah, he's like, you guys are going to stay and fuck by the lake. I'm going to go for a run.

And I'm the zodiac. I'm just going to troll some other campgrounds in the area. See if I can break up a domestic picnic or two. What's your side? Man, that should have been the Zodiac's calling card, by the way. How that killer fucked that up. But he's jogging down the road and she drives by and she's about to slow down to try to pull another con until she realizes that it's Philo. And she's like, oh, fuck.

And starts like speeding up. And he like runs down this truck like, wait a minute. My blood's starting to boil less. Stop. I love you. Okay. And then cut to extreme sex scene. So it's a really weird sex scene.

It is like you don't know where the setting is. It's all black. It's in extreme close up. It's the two of them fucking. You have no idea where anything's being put. Like you don't know what's going on. And then it's just like. Well, it's the old, I better have sex with this guy or it'll kill me.

And then it's like, it's like, it's just cut back to, okay, so I'll see you tomorrow when I straighten out that boyfriend of yours. Yeah. And she's like, oh. Okay. Hey, by the way, can I have another $7,000? Certainly. She finds, she likes, like, he's been a psychotic. He went across the country to find her. I'll have sex with him.

Maybe he'll go away. Yeah, exactly. Maybe this is what he's looking for, whatever. Yeah, like, if a guy travels from Pacific time to mountain times. Okay. Yeah, you know, maybe. He gets sexy time then. Yeah, then it's sex o'clock.

And she, you know, it's amazing because she's like, I'll meet you at this Mexican restaurant. It's like, oh, boy, a date. And you know, this is what they get stood up And he's like, I won't bring my monkey on a date I read an Esquire, it's inappropriate And, you know, like that's what they get stood up Clyde, you left your Esquires in here with my highlights An interesting interview with Richard Milhouse Nixon

Oh, this has to be Clines I accidentally read a short story by John Cheever until I realized it was Clyde's New Yorker. Certainly enough, you know, he gets wasted at the Mexican restaurant and he goes looking for her and he finds her in this. Because it's called fucking like Lynn's Honky Tonk or some shit. Like she successfully opened the place with his $7,000. And she's in the parking lot trying to run another scam on another dude because she's always running the scams on people. even in her hometowns.

And, you know, he shows up and he's like, you missed the Mexican restaurant. I brought you a tequito. And she's like, are you fucking thick, man? Like, get it. Just finally fucking get it. And also, she is talking to this dude. He thinks that this dude is the boyfriend.

Yeah. So he's walking up to them, like, getting ready to throw the fuck down with this dude. And this guy's like, well, who's this guy? Like, this dude is clearly like, Hey, buddy, get out of here. Like, I thought this was about to be my time to shine. What are you doing?

He's like, you better get out of here because the temperature of my blood is reaching boiling levels. The sexual mystique, the sexual musk in the air is making my blood boil. Can you smell that? It's horny anger. Man, clittiest would end horny anger. Sign me up. Not anymore. no this is what it this is the creepiest

weirdest part of this movie is when like she's yelling at him it's like the finally you know it's not even the she's all that scene it's the fucking you're too thick scene it's a you're just a fucking morons it's like get out of here lenny the scene you know right she has to finally like start hitting him and scratching him well this dude this other dude right so there's the one dude he's like all right fine i don't want to get involved in this i'll go back in this honky tonk and try my luck your neck cords are really

freaking me out man i gotta get out of here so then this other dude who looks like goodbye yellow brick road era elton john comes out of nowhere and he's like he's like the pimp of the situation and she's like oh this is uh uh uh i think his name is skyler or something and he's in she's like oh this is skyler and he's like that's the guy and she explains the situation and he kind of figures it out he's like so what are you working for him she's like yes you fucking moron like this is what's happening right now how do you not get that and he like he has like a line that he's like how he was the only one that wanted to take her more than just her bed or something and like i loved you for nine minutes yeah you made me forget about my ape i was ready to give up the

ape for you so speaking of apes this is where she she hits him like like the henderson saying goodbye to harry the harry get out of here you just get out of here you big fucking moron but this this scene, you know, like in Sin City when Quentin Tarantino directed that one scene, this scene was directed by Ken Russell because it's a POV shot of this woman going ape shit with her claws

and like, it's the scariest moment I've ever seen. It was kind of working for me. Doing it for you? It's so, and like, yeah, Ken Russell's so smart of a reference. Like, the camera is flying all over the place. He's like putting the camera like underneath them and it's

just shaking all over the place. It's really disorienting. Suddenly some guys playing a flaming piano. Like, okay. It's a bunch of ceramic cocks everywhere. For sure. But it's so strange. And that's the end of this character. And it's like, okay.

That's it. That's it. And then he says to Orville, he's like, well, I just got stood up by what turned out to be a prostitute. He says, it was a long con. But I'm the reason it was a long con. It's a long con. it's a con that should have lasted 55 to 75 minutes but it lasted for four weeks and he's like go find me

get a line on this dude who's like tank whatever tank murdock i think is named tank yeah tank murdock like this infamous like he is the king of bare knuckle boxing and he's been peppered references throughout yeah yeah yeah like everyone says like oh how good are you you good as a tank murdoch you know he's Well, I ain't as good because I haven't fought him yet, so I don't know. But probably, if I get to kill this woman, maybe I'll be as good as Tank Murdoch. Used to be. So, yeah, I mean, he's so angry from what happened with the woman. He immediately wants a fight.

That night, he's going into the ring. And he's still, like, bleeding from this Lynn beating the shit out of him. And it's weird because it's the only time he ever bleeds in this movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because you know what, Steve? He's bleeding because on the inside. his heart is bleeding. And that's just his heart blood coming out through his nose.

Let's be honest here, fellas. A woman can cut deeper than any man could. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's absolutely true. First cut is the deepest. Baby, I know. So anyway, Tank Murdoch is found at a fucking tire yard or something. And this man is...

Jeez, you thought the last guy was dumpy. You know, exactly. He's like Ben Grimm. If you, like, turned him back into a... person after he was the rock monster and it didn't all work out it's like when a really big fat person like will she a very big fat person like loses a lot of weight but it was like when john popper got that stomach staple surgery but he still just looked like a fat guy yeah it's like if if if the thing was made out of a balloon and you popped it and then it just was like and just sagged down

like he's still a fat guy underneath the fat like there's like there's obese fat and then there's like fat fat underneath that and you still have the fat but you have like the shape of the obese fat that's just like slinging down off you so we're saying that's what tank murdoch looks like we're saying he's got a lot of character we'll say he's the toughest guy in this movie is the toughest guy in six states tank his name is tank murdoch and he's got a really so you know we're getting ready to fight eastwood takes his shirt off and that means it's fucking go time tank murdoch keeps that t-shirt on and tank mordock's got a weird fighting style like he doesn't close any fists he's just got like two like wide bear claws that he's swiping at it's kind of like a it's like fight like a professional wrestler yeah but oh no he's going with the open palm slap there's so much slapping in professional wrestling so i mean it gets they're they're fighting back and forth it's getting pretty intense you know eastwood's got them on the bricks I guess there's no ropes no ropes he's either hanging hanging off bricks or tires or something

a flaming barrel. And this is you know, this is turning into last year's WrestleMania, you know, tank Murdoch won all 21 WrestleMania's. And here he comes. He's about to fight this upcomer, you know. And you know, you think it's going to go

Tank Murdoch's way, but he's getting the shit kicked out of him. Just getting the shit kicked out of him. And it's like at the beginning, yeah, you're right, Eric. Like he is kind of giving Eastwood a run for his money. Because he really can throw a hard punch but he's big and fat and out of shape and eastwood's like just as tall but he's very physically fit so clearly he's beating the shit out of this fat guy yeah and i just i don't get

the end of this movie like i think it's a it's a weird because you hear all the guys in the fight circle yelling like he's the new tank murdoch once he gets murdoch down he's our new champion or whatever and i think he's thinking like i don't want to be owned by these men or something you know because like he just throws the fight He throws, because I, I mean, I think the idea is like he has, he kind of has a respect for Tank Murdoch, and he knows that Tank Murdoch's old and shitty. And Take Murdoch knows that now. And now he's going to give Tank a chance to get out on top. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So it's like he thinks like someday, someday he'll be in Tank Murdoch's shoes and some, you know, some youngster is going to be beating the shit out of him. And I think he's still a little raw. the whole Lynn incident, you know what I mean? Like the whole being fake duped by a prostitute. I can't have Lynn and my hero, Tank Murdoch, both hate me the same night.

I hope Clyde forgives me for throwing this match. I'm going to get an earful. Speaking of Clyde, by the way, just nowhere in this movie. At all. Like, this is what we were talking about. Like, Tank Murdoch needs to have an ape companion. Yep, exactly. And they both just start doubling down.

fighting these guys. Or maybe he has like a fucking wolf. You know what I mean? Like I'm into that idea. I would love to watch the Ragged Tank fight a wolf. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. That would be pretty great.

Mail that idea to Channing Tatum. He's making this movie. I read about it. I read about it variety. Clyde, you have to fight Greywind. Take Murdoch in Gray Wind. Take Murdoch's dire wolf. You can get him.

You can get him, boy. He's got the speed, but you got the power. So, I mean, he just throws this fight and tank Murdoch, like lays one right on the chin, some sweet chin music. And Orville's like, oh, fuck, man, we're not going to eat tonight. And Eastwood gives them a wink. Like, don't worry. I still got it, Orville, even though we just lost all of our money. Don't worry.

Just find another fighting ring somewhere, maybe just outside of the Denver city limits. But they probably bet all the money they have. Yeah. Right. But here's the thing, though. Then you just put the monkey up for collateral. Because you know if it's a sure-fire thing. Tank, can I interest you in some monkey steaks?

Now, what am I going to do with a monkey? Well, I thought maybe you could eat it. Orville and Philo's ape steaks. Now a new tangy barbecue. It's like that Omaha steak club. Back now, limited resources available. Nothing bites better than a Bubba burger. New Bubba ape burgers.

This is a lawn order. SVU episode where they randomly rescue Clyde. At the end at the end, Kregan's giving it a big old hug. Hugging this monkey. This monkey looks tired. Go to bed. Man, that is the dumbest episode

of that show. Fifteen years that show's been on the air. That's the dumbest episode, hands down. And I mean, there's been some dumb episodes of that show. Oh, yeah. There's been some really flat out... They sent an NYPD detective undercover to the Czech Republic. So then, like, that's it.

Like, they get back in the van. Every which way but loose kicks back in. Eddie Rabbit starts playing. And we're just on the road. And it's fade out. Oh, by the way, we cut back to Ruth Gordon for no reason. And she's getting an eye exam from Bruce, from Bruce Dern's grandfather. And she's like, doesn't understand why the guy's like, like, well, you got to stand there now for your picture.

What? Because he's trying to make a move. And he's like, I'll give this. dangerous old lady a driver's license if she'll fuck me this guy wants to have some hot octogenarian sex and it's like all you have to do to get your license is put your glasses on don't you know and she's like oh really that's all i had to do well let's get down the fucking i'll drive you back to my house with my new driver's license i'll meet you there well that's all right i'll meet you there it's uh take two cars

Well, you sure can drive a stick. Oh, Lord. So, anyway, when they're driving, this is the fade out now. They're driving down the road going back to California. Yep. Because it's called in California, that town. And Orville goes to Beverly D'Angelo's. Oh, by the way, you live in Los Angeles now.

Talk to you later. Oh, like L.A. Oh, no. I got all those warrants back from my Manson days. They drive by a tow truck. carrying the the lakeified truck of the cop with the cop in it.

The cop in it. By the way, the biker gang. His black deputy friend is nowhere to be found. Possibly dead. Yeah, probably dead. Eastwood took care of it.

Yeah. And then they see the gang of Nazis in a Nazi bikers in a... It's a big like Batmobile car. Like the Adam West Batmobile with like the top down. And they're like towing like whatever bikes are left over and they're just all defeated.

like it's so fucking stupid it's such a non-ending for a movie that's so ridiculous like and you just don't even have this dude come out on top it comes out like right in the middle but not even it's not like rocky where you know me like he learns anything he doesn't learn anything no I mean maybe that's for our friends at the flop house to figure out any which way you can which I've never seen Eric you've seen that movie I have and best of luck to them because this is a better movie it's insane I mean you didn't think it could get sillier

but it somehow manages the yeah the the bikers are back and is Ruth Gordon back I actually I forget but the ape's back that's for sure oh yeah

side note it's a different ape and that ape was beaten to death by his trainer after that film wait the first ape was beaten the death by his trainer I don't know what happened to the first one the first one retired comfortably in Beverly Hills.

That second ape was beaten to death? Beaten to death by his fucking surly trainer because he's given fucking, he's given too much lip to Clint Eastwood, I bet. Do you think, uh, I mean, the answer's no. My blood's boiling. My blood's boiling. You better handle your ape, buddy. Man.

This is Harry Callahan talking. That guy should have been given the chair. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Beating a fucking ape to death. Or the sweetest of poetic justice, the ape turns out of, turns around and bites that dude's face off as apes and monkeys are known to do that's where they go that's exactly where they go every time is start ripping at somebody's face yep yep because they know like that's where like the noises are coming from is like out the mouth so that's like what gets him attracted to it hey shut up shut up yeah when it when a when a chimp of any kind rips your face off he's just telling you to shut up yeah Shut, shut it, shut it, shut it, shut, shut, shut your mouth.

And then everyone looks like Gary Oldman and Hannibal at the end of it. It's like, if you don't shut your mouth, I'm going to eat your mouth. I'm going to literally eat your mouth off of your body. Yeah. Would anybody recommend every which way but loose? Yes, majorly. I had it. And it's a fun, crazy movie.

It's ridiculous. It's a shy long. You know, you could do with less. Ruth Gordon and some of the hijinks. I mean, we're 10 minutes under two hours. If you want to see Clint Eastwood beating the shit out of a bunch of people and then hanging out drinking beer with an ape,

I think, personally, I think it's worth your time. Yeah. I would recommend the poster to this movie where Clint Eastwood is, it's like this weird manga poster where he was like Riyu. It looks like a Bruce Lee movie. Yeah, it's really strange. I mean, I recommend it. It's a lot of fun. It's stupid.

It is too long. It's that 70s. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you really can't wait for those 80s blockbusters to show up you know what I mean you can't wait for you can't wait for someone to invent the action movie because it's right there and right it's like because we had movies like this and then we had dumb shit like all those uh you know like earthquake and the towering inferno and all those real big ones I mean the year before we got star wars so we were on the right track and yeah and Jaws was four years before this so like we were getting there you know but like this this is like

the death rattle of that kind of 70s genre action cinema, you know, and it's just like it's impossible at times but I would totally recommend this movie. Like, again, it's because those fight scenes are hilarious and some of these bar brawls

seriously put Roadhouse to shame. Yeah. Like there is some awesome the fight scene where he, he instigates the bar brawl, the one where it ends with him beating up the cops is so intense that Instead of like your average, like the Blues Brothers where there's like the chicken wire, you know, so like the bottles can't hit the band and everything.

The bar or the bandmates are getting in on the fight, including an awesome part where the dude who's playing guitar and singing, smashes his guitar over a dude's back, turns around, picks up another guitar, starts playing and singing right on the cue and doesn't miss a beat. It's awesome. that's the 1970s for you yeah let's go back just smashing guitars over people's backs that exemplifies all of the 1970s there's a lot of back smashing in the 1970s you got uh well you know chairs obviously but pool cues big oh yeah so many just you know for more backs uh smashing see joe don baker movies this movie would not have skipped a beat if he was in it if he was playing the ape we got to get joe don't leave we got to go to the Zoo.

We're going here to the ape house. Find one of these monkeys to have sex with real quick. Man, you know, I didn't think it was possible. Better movie. That's every which way but lose from 1978 directed by James Fargo. Again, be sure to check out part two of this pod crawl over at the Flop House podcast. If this is being listened to on a Tuesday, theirs comes out on Saturday where they will do the sequel. Any which way you can.

from, I believe, 1980. I think that's correct. So be sure to tune into those guys for the second part of this pod crawl. If you want to get a hold of us, check out WHMpodcast.com. There's information about the show, a very helpful FAQ page, and a very helpful episodes guide that features a lot of old episodes that are not available in iTunes or Stitcher or Podbean of any of that stuff. So if you're new to the program, go to WHMpodcast.com, click on episodes. There are, it's, I would call a wealth of back catalog episodes for you to check out.

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM Podcast and write us emails into our mailbag at We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. Subscribe to this show in iTunes. We are also on Stitcher Radio. Download the Stitcher app and stream the most recent five episodes of the program on the go. Wherever you get the show, however you get it, however you listen, rate and review, we would greatly appreciate it. We also, of course, have the app that is up for purchase and the bandcamp page if you don't have a smartphone or you don't want to get the app. bonus episodes on there, including WHM on screen, and the very popular animation damnation.

This month's animation damnation, we are talking about the Karate Kid cartoon. What a magical pile of crap that show is. Literally magical. Yeah. It's literally magical. You got to hear it. You got to hear us talk about it. So if you're interested in those shows, be sure to pick up the app or visit wh-hmpodcast.bancamp.com.

Check out our sister show hosted by Mr. Eric Siska, Blame it on outer space, taking down conspiracy theories in a comedic fashion, biweekly is what the show runs. Blame it on Outerspace.com at BlameSpacepad on Twitter. What is the episode you're going with right now? What is on the air? Ghosts. Oh. We're actually talking about the Warrens who were involved in the Amnodyville horror

and recently there were characters in the film The Conjuring. Which I liked very much. I enjoyed The Conjuring. Hilariously, for other reference, if you want to like prep yourself, before you go into this Blaming on Outer Space episode. This lady, the actual Mrs. Warren, appears in a TV documentary about the Amityville horror. There's two.

There's like a Nat Geo like TV documentary series where they profile the Amityville case. But then there is also a documentary called My Amityville Horror where one of the sons of like the Lutz family or whatever is talking about it for the first time. And man, this guy. I loves being on camera, and he loves hearing himself talk. It has my favorite line in a documentary ever, ever, ever, is they go to her house, and it's filled with roosters. And she looks at two of them, like, oh, these roosters like each other, they're identical twins, identical twin roosters. So be sure to check out the episode on the Warrens of the hilarious podcast, Blame it on Outer Space.

That's it for this week. Be sure to check out part two of the pod crawl that comes out the Saturday after this is released by our good friends at the Flop House podcast, doing any which way you can. Clue for next week's episode of our own program, Mr. Steven Sadek. Somebody's taking sexy pictures of kids. Whoa. There we go. Find out next week. Until then, I'm Andrew Juppen.

Steven Seda. Eric Siska. Take it easy. Thank you.