We Hate Movies - S4 Ep156: The Butterfly Effect

Episode Date: May 6, 2014

In this week's episode, the gang gets super extreme and totally has their minds blown while watching The Butterfly Effect! With this trumped up student film, who thought it was a good idea to put up the money? Why does there have to be so many bad things happening to these poor kids? Pick one! And who really thought that Directors' Cut ending was worth even shooting? PLUS: A peek inside the writers' room for this film. The Butterfly Effect stars Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, Elden Henson, William Lee Scott, Melora Walters, Ethan Suplee and Eric Stoltz; directed by Eric Bress and J. Mackye Gruber. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jopin. Steven Zedak. Chris Gavin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. If you're new to the program, thank you for joining us. And we apologize that you're jumping in while we talk about the butterfly effect from 2004, directed by a team of fellas. Two people responsible for this film, Eric Bress and Jay Mackie Gruber. This is one of those things where we realize, like, oh man, times flying by on the show. And, like, it's two. It's 2014, so now all of a sudden all these new movies are available. And this is one we just had to snatch up as fast as we could. Wait a minute.

Guys, I just read my notes and I time traveled. Oh, shit, dude, you did it? You looked like you blacked out for a little bit. Yeah. Did everybody get molested? Everybody in the room? Round the horn, everybody? We were still molested, so you didn't do it.

You have to go back again. I got to go back then. Keep going back. this film is utterly horrendous it was a super smash at the box office uh this was ashton kutcher's like first serious thing never in my life did i think for a second i'd be sitting watching a movie going man you know i really wish i was watching dude wears my car right now

it would have been a saving grace i was i was just i was like you know is it on netflix can i just watch it after this i was hoping i could watch jobs give that a spin to this fucking piece of garbage dare ever watch that movie it's that's I mean that's my problem with Ashton Coucher if he could just stick to the stupid shit yeah I'd be so fine

I thought he was very funny on that 70s show that's a show that ran like five years longer than it should have but he was always very funny on it as Kelso I think he's got good comedic timing he just he gets sidled with these romantic comedies that no one could possibly

care about or you're doing stuff like this or jobs they have the same beard and you know both characters have the same beard uh and you're just like what do what do you do i mean i'm laughing at you in this movie but i'm not supposed to you don't want me to be but i am laughing at you sincerity does not help ashton kutcher no and and the and i mean there's a lot of like the sincere scenes in this movie are out like outrageous well that's this movie is outrageous and this movie should be a balls to the wall like not even a comedy but like just like it you

can mind actually comedy from this premise and like how silly and over the top it gets but it's so sincere and it's so like if this movie thought it was a comedy it's one of the best comedies I've ever seen but it thinks it's this movie where it's gonna make you think it's a real noodle scratch of that butterfly

effect hey man I was watching that butterfly effect I was uneased it's like what it's a supernatural threat it's like the mothman prophecies right Oh, Ben, fuck them off. That's a trick. You just tricked our audience. And I was like, hey, you know that Mothman Prophecies?

That's a supernatural thriller. No, it's a boring movie. Dude, okay, here's one for the fans. Me and Chris Kavan watched that movie in theaters on an awkward double date. And I was more upset that we were watching Moth Man Prophecies than the situation we found our son's in. It's just nothing happens than a bridge collapses. Man. Yeah, that is a real snooze of a movie.

But Steve the mothman might have killed the fucking bridge. I want to see the moth man, if that's the case. I want to see the jeepers creepers moth man. Fly it around and at the end, Bruce Willis has to put a fucking steak in his heart. Not Bruce Willis, whatever, Richard Gear. Richard Gear. You know what this movie is, I mean, this movie is a really bad student film that got an executive producer in Ashton Coochard and a star in Ashton Coocher and was able to wrangle some money

for a budget. And that's a big problem because this script is outrageous because it's filled with all the things that a bad first-year film student would write into his script. Like, oh man, what if this one guy's a fucking child molester? And then this other girl tries to kill herself. And by the

way, they go to the movies. Oh, they go to the movies and they are watching seven. Oh, yeah. It's even worse than that. Oh, dog gets burned to death. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know what, man, And this character I wrote, he's so sinister. Guess what I came up with last night?

He's going to burn a dog. You know how they usually put a sack of dogs in the river? Burning him. Fire, motherfucker. There's two guys in the room writing it, and one guy would write like, okay, so then Evan gets his dog burned. And the other guy's like, dude, that's fucked up. And he's like, print it.

That was the test. That was so fuck. Oh, yeah, that's so fucked up. Oh, man, Chabalestation. You, you just blew my mind. I mean, so the movie starts with a garbage quote about chaos theory, bro. Like, it's like, oh, man, you ever hear about that butterfly thing? We're like, the butterfly's wings flap its wings, then a guy in Asia has a heart attack, right?

Like that shit happens, dude You ever think about that? That shit'll keep you up at night Because that's the other thing, right? It's like, how are we going to get people To take us seriously? You gotta start with a really rocking quote Not attributed to anyone.

It's attributed to chaos theory. I mean, you know, Jeff Goldblum's really upset right now that Ian Malcolm didn't get credit at the beginning of the butterfly effect, I guess. It's probably literally, it should be like, you know, of a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world such and such and such and such

and then it's dash that one's treehouse of horror episode like they might as well quote the fucking Simpsons episode they got the idea from Bruce I had this awesome idea for a quote you see I had this idea that like

butterfly flies and then somebody dies somewhere what could did somebody say something like that well that's theoretical and it's chaotic chaos theory there we go we did it

I mean it is part of chaos theory etc etc etc but like find the fucking scientists that wrote that shit down where's your bibliography butterfly effect it's not a fucking urban legend someone figured it out it's not like the mothman prophecy it's a real thing

maybe it was the mothman that did it if a butterfly flaps its wings in one continent then a typhoon hits another continent dude again where's my where is my cobra commander mothman if that's what i'm paying fucking nine bucks for i don't want to watch richard gear and laura litty fucking stared dully at each other i want a mimic creature yes exactly

that's what i thought we were getting into i was like it's a mimic but it's with dick gear so you're classing it up a bit oh what a bridge fell down oh the credits fucking you know what that's a state tune yeah at some point ha so he he being ashton kutcher uh is is a as a fella named evan is it evan treeborn which i was looking on the i mdb you know that's the you know what that spells event reborn yeah that's fantastic yeah no problem bro i just i just blew your mind again man and i do apologize for everyone who hasn't seen this movie i would stop your car because your mind's going to get blown about five or six time. This really is one of the coolest stories I've ever heard. I'm about to skip a stone

of your brain mounds. So he's a kid. We start off when he's a little kid and we go through his very tumultuous, very tumultuous childhood immediately. Wausa. Like you had that one kid in your grade where you were like, oh man, that kid had that happen or whatever. That kid's got a bad dad or something, something. These kids have everything happened to them. It's. It's. Any horrendous shit that can befall a child happens to all of these kids, this group of friends. I'd rather be a Stephen King kid than Evan Treeborn. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, because you're just getting bullied in your underwear.

You're not getting fucked by Eric Stultz. And then eventually you can fuck back with your mind powers. Yeah, at least you get mind powers at the end of the deal. Yeah, I mean, so Evan has his mother, Hollywood's punching bag, Melora Walters. Hollywood damage goods, Malora. I mean, like, she's probably got a super sweet life, but every time I see her in a movie, I'm like, I just feel bad for her because the events that befall her every time.

I mean, that's her type. What is she known for? Magnolia's the big one. Oh, yeah. Speaking of people getting touched. She gets a raw deal in that movie. She sure does. And then actually, it's funny because, actually, for research for the show,

at least that's what I'm saying. I was watching Beethoven the other day. Dude, no, no, no. You know what happens in Beethoven. You know whether or not Beethoven is an episode. I was re-watching Beethoven and she, for real, plays the lady who attends to him at the pet store before he gets kidnapped. Oh, that's nice. That's a nice turn for her.

So she's his mother. And like, the first thing we see is Evan draws this totally fucked up picture in school where it's all these bloody dead bodies, bro. And it's an annoying movie thing where this doodle is way too good for like a seven-year-old. old kid. It's like if that kid drew that I'd be like if I was the teacher right I'd be like well the content is clearly disturbing but the brush

strokes here from this crayon this is a specialty school stuff here man this this I mean it looks like Todd McFarlane doing a caricature so exactly yeah I'd be like dude you should fucking call up image comics you got a deal man you got you got something no one ever

looks at messed up child drawings for the actual craft behind them and that's something that we really should be doing the formal ability exactly well i'd say 99 out of 100 of those child disturbed drawings are like angry scratch drawings sure but yeah if you get that one where you're like hey you can make a cartoon out of that hey you know what the line on this carcass is extraordinary oh the perspective of i love this looking down shot you're holding the knife i mean this is all really well this is really in frame look at the shading going on while this this half tiger, half man is skull-fucking, this dead woman.

I wish. You wish that happened in this movie. It's just a kid with a knife over a pile of dead bodies, which is actually never explained in the movie why he was drawing it or what. Well, it is explained. It is explained. Oh, I apologize. Because he didn't draw it.

It was the friend who is actually disturbed. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, so he's got a posse of friends. It's him who grows up to be Ashton Coucher. there's a girl who grows up to be Amy Smart There is her brother who grows up to be some fucked up guy And the actor nobody knows And then there's the other friend who's like the fat kid

Because you have to have a fat kid That's why it's almost like a Stephen King group Because it's two white boys, a girl And then a fat kid And the fat kid grows up to be one of the The dude who played one of the Bash brothers and Mighty Ducks Elvin Hanson Yes

So that's like their little posse or whatever Two white boys, a girl and a fat kid? kid. I smelled a fantastic four. I don't know about you guys. I was going to say that's half a it. And so like, you know, Malora Walters is like, oh my God, my son's so fucked up. I have to go to luckily his father is in a loony bin, a good old fashioned movie loony bin. Yeah, this guy's just great a crazy. And, you know, he, they, you know, his, his psychologist, they bring him the psychologist, like, you know, his father had blackouts. It seems like Evan's starting to have blackouts. Maybe he should keep a journal. And like, that's the thing. It's like,

Evan should keep a journal so he remembers what goes on and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, maybe one day it'll allow him to travel back in time. We'll just see what happened. He may use these journals to forget the whole thing and stop having seizures or he might be able to travel through time. Try to guess which one. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. I mean, he could turn into Bishop. Could turn into Bishop. Just saying, if this little kid just turned into this hulking black gentleman. Yeah. With a big M on his? I'm into that idea. And, yeah, so

we're writing these journals down and the first little, the first tragedy to befall him is you go to Eric Stoltz's house. Of course. That's how it all starts. This movie should be called a laundry list of tragedy. It is.

Butterfly effect, colon, a laundry list of tragedy. And here's number one. With a bullet. And you know what? I've said this before on the show about rape and it goes the same for child. It goes more for child molestation. Child molestation, it's a big, heavy spice to put into your pot. You know what I mean? Like, now everything tastes like saraje. That's your sound like you just used way too much of it and now I can't taste anything. Right. Unless the movie's about child molestation, which this movie's not. No. Let's just keep it out. Let's just totally throw it out of the movie.

Here I am. It's a nice Friday night in the year 2004. I just snagged myself a hot date and we're going to go to the movie theater to go see the new Ashton Cutchman. vehicle, the butterfly effect. I don't know, baby. I heard it's about time travel or something. You stopped by coconuts, picked up a Huba Stank CD? You're goddamn right I did. And the reason is you, hon.

And man, you're just in that theater and then you see Eric Stultz and I'm like leaning over like, hey, he almost played Marty McFly, but he got fired for being shitty. That's cool right? He's one of my top five favorite bit parts

in Pulp Fiction. And then he has some line where it's an off-the-cuff, hey, I just got this camcorder. You guys like making movies, right? And I know right away that this girl in 2004 is never going to go out on a date with me ever again. Because I took her to a child molester movie. It's a fucking secret child molester movie.

You can't do that. No, no. If that's what you want to do and you want to blindside me with child molestation, you have to see that shit through to the end yeah exactly we need the court case we need like you know what i mean like the chemical castration the being locked in a box for the rest of your life whatever it has to be all the psychological trauma i need to be in there man and he can't be played by eric stultz that's the other thing don't ruin eric stultz for me okay he's kind of he's a bit ruined i i watched nymphomaniac jamy bell is now ruined for me forever yeah that's a problem i mean i wasn't gonna watch turn anyway but, like, Jamie Bell is ruined for me. And Eric Stoltz, who's actually kind of good in this movie

as a boozy child molester? He is, like, kind of the coolest child molester I've ever seen. I mean, the clanging glass, the clangin ice in his glass, it's really heavy in the mix. It's like they app that one up there, like above the dialogue. They're like, here. Because you need to know he's just drinking scotch, like a really hip guy. He's got a pretty smooth-looking red polo.

shirt talked into non-pleaded cackies, by the way. Oh, yeah. And we're down to the, we go into the movie studio, i.e. his basement. And he's like, yeah, we're going to make a movie about Robin Hood. And everyone's like, oh boy, Robin Hood. And he's like, all right. And this scene, yeah, Robin Hood and Made Mary and got married. Ice clink. Ice clink. This is the wedding night. You know, when they kissing stuff like adults. And I'm like, how much of this do we have to see? Like, I got it. I don't need you down in the basement.

When you say, like, you know what? Let's go down to the movie studio because the lights better. I just know, man. I just know. You know what you have to do? You have to go into the basement with the kids, shut the door behind you, and just hold on the shut door for like five seconds. And you're out of there.

You hear action and a smack. And you're like, I got it. I totally got all of it. Yep, that's it. No, no, no, no. Because this movie is going to blow your fucking mind. You need to be in there, man, because if you're not fucking hardcore enough to handle this scene, you're not hardcore enough to handle the Butterfly Effect, motherfucker.

But like, fucking Eric Stoltz is like Douglas Cirque giving these guys direction. Like, it's a kid porn. Just fucking do it. Now remember, you're in love. By the way, are you criticizing his directorial efforts in child pornography? I am just a little bit. Man, once a film critic, always a film critic. I can't help myself.

which is exactly what he said no we don't know because he never has to fucking defend himself because there's never anyone calling him out on his shit yeah he's he black Evan blacks out and we cut forward and like everyone's kind of half naked it looks like a Larry Clark movie

and he's like what happened and the girl's like it's okay and it's like it's not okay there's just a bunch of slint playing on the soundtrack Ew, Larry Clark movies, ew. Yeah, that's going to be the biography I write of Larry Clark. Ew, portrait of a filmmaker.

So the next thing, the psychiatrist is like, you know, he's got, which is hilarious, and it just speaks to how little the filmmakers actually research in psychology, which is he's got a missing father complex. I'm sure there's a more technical name for it. He's like, and you know what's going to get over his missing father complex is we're going to bring his father in from the looney bin, straight from these, you know, playing fucking cards with Christopher Lloyd and Danny DeVito, and they're going to bring him in, and he's going to meet his father. And, you know, and he actually says, no more missing father complex, and what could possibly go wrong here. Cut to this dude strangling this child, outright strangling him, and he's yelling like, you must be the one to die or something like. He's just, like, babbling at him. He's played by Leobin from Battlestar Galactic, everybody. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, oh, yeah. And he's great on that show. He's kind of actually pretty good in this movie for the six seconds. Well, I'll tell you this about this guy. Usually you would have this guy, like, kind of back off of, like, oh, it's my son. I can't. This guy wants his kid dead. Oh, yeah.

Just in the ground. He's got his reasons, though. He does have his reason. He's got a couple. I mean, he knows that he's going to turn into Ashton Coucher. So, I mean, you've got to really. I have to believe you. I have to stop.

Dude, where's my car. No, three and a half men must end with trolley, sheet, it must. There can only be one job, bitcher. You know, I mean, if that's not traumatic enough, your father choked you at the second after you meet him. And then him getting killed. He just gets murdered by this security guard in front of him. And it's like, come on, everybody.

Oh, man. So, you know, it's not even a fortnight. after he was sexually molested by Eric Stultz. He's at his father's fucking funeral. By the way the funny thing is, he winds up totally fine, and Amy smart winds up the basket case.

Yeah, right, everybody. And the next one, now we kind of cut forward maybe three or four years, all the kids look totally different, which is... Totally different. And it's a bad casting job. It's tougher. And I think, because we were talking about this

earlier today, I think what that is is like, You want these teenage kids who are going to be on screen more than the seven-year-old kids. You want them to be closer to the adult actors. You know what I mean? So it's, I mean, it's still not good. The kid who they have playing young Ashton Kutcher looks like a brahm from Game of Thrones, the little kid who's getting carried around by Hodor there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got that. You've got Amy Smart's surrogate looks like a busted teen of the others. I was saying this girl looks like she got stung by a whole bunch of bees You're like, man, I got stung by a bee This girl's like, I got stung by all the bees Every last one of them I'm sure she did it.

You said she looks like a busted tina yuthers And I said she got stung by a few bees. I regretted it immediately. So there you go. But And Amy Smart's younger brother is the shortest person they could find. He's really hilariously tiny.

Because they're all like fucking five foot six. They're all in the puberty spurt. And like this kid's just like three foot two. Well, because the whole thing is like I think this character, you know, this boy is supposed to have this complex already. Yeah. He does turn out to be. You're right.

Yeah. The littler versions of them, the kid who's playing Amy Smart's brother is Cameron Bright from birth. Yep. So that was something. And godsend, not a stay tuned, speaking of a show research. What is that? Robert De Niro? Yeah, yeah, it's not a.

Yeah, it's the pet cemetery ripoff, right? Kind of sort of cloning something, something. So and so. So and so. Yeah, but I mean, so we get there and these kids are up to no good. How much of a no good are they up to? Let's put a firecracker in somebody's mailbox. Pause.

It's not a firecracker. It's a stick of dynamite. Yeah. Yeah, it's a full-fledged U.S. Army-issued stick a dynamite that they took from child toucher Eric Stoltz, by the way. What is that the fucking emergency switch? Yeah, that's the eject button right there. Yeah, he hears sirens when he's down in the basement, light that fucker up and put it in your mouth. Everybody's got to have one.

You put it right on the hard drive and you put your head up against the computer. And it goes. So they're like, okay. kid you want to be badass you put this what they think is a firecracker in this mailbox and it's one of those dumbass novelty mailboxes that's shaped exactly like the house that's in front of so it should be blown up in the first place yeah by teens sure or a baseball bat you know ben affleck's gonna hit it with a baseball bat they drive by listening to erosmith or whatever how to fucking colehauser miss it it's the biggest one on the blog and so kid puts it in

there and you don't like they go back and they're going to watch this thing blow man but because this movie is so suspenseful you don't know right away what happens but we're going to tell you to save everybody fucking 150 useless minutes because really the truth is is that you could have cut as we're going to find out you could cut all this up to when we get to ashton kutcher because it's going to be repeated so many times that you're going to get the idea completely but let's say it anyway. So because let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, this movie is the most badass movie. It's extreme dude. It's so mountain dew levels of extreme. It's not just a firecracker. It's a stick of dynamite, which we learn later. It's a code red stick

of dynamite. It is a Baja blast stick of dynamite. And this this thing blows and you're thinking like, oh, it just blew up, whatever. But you're trying to figure out like, why is this fat kid traumatized? You know, You know why the fat kids traumatized? Because a mother and her baby went to get the mail, and they blew the fuck up. Oh, shit, man. Dude, I don't know if we could write this. No, man, it's our duty to write this.

Hollywood's so pussy right now, bro. Nobody's blowing up babies and mailboxes anymore. And that's reality, bro. Hey, man. We are leading the charge. Man, the 21st century is just underway And we are going to take Hollywood to the next level Dude, we're like Donnie Darko on steroids

Man, you remember that time we watched Fight Club And I was like, this is for pussies Oh yeah, no, these are, this is the team that watches all the David Fincher movies wrong You know, like Yeah, exactly. They watch those movies wrong. Don Draper's the coolest fucking guy in the room.

Yep, yep, yep. And they read all the Chuck Polonic novels wrong as well. Well, no, actually, probably accurately. Reading them at all is reading them wrong. They're the ones that'll tell you chokes a good movie. Yeah, I mean, because it's got the balls, man. I mean, you've got to have the balls to, you know, if you're going to put it up on the screen,

I'm going to put my heart on my sleeve, you know, and blow up a baby in a mailbox. It's like, come on. Yeah, I've got guts. I'll blow up that fucking baby. It's like, come on. We just literally in succession A kid gets molested

It gets choked out by his dad He blows up a baby in a mailbox And it's not even done yet It's a new mother It's a double Double pack And the way they film this baby blowing up Is such horseship

Because the mother's like Oh what's that You're gonna get the mail Do you want to get the mail? You're such a big girl You want to get the mail And you see the baby's little baby hand touch this mailbox and then the screen goes white fuck you man are you serious just stop it like

at that point you got to leave the theater right but that's the problem you're putting your i can't fucking believe this and not out of disgust because you're so cool because like i've been in high school and i'm tired of it honestly like i've read those fucking short stories that my fucking classmates wrote And I said, fuck you. Well, I'm starting to fight in the middle of the theater just to have something to do. I'm looking over like, do you want to go bowling? Like, I know you wanted to go to the movies, but would you like to go bowling? This won't happen at a bowling alley.

Maybe the bartender at Pizzerino Uno will serve me. I don't know. It could happen. The worst thing that happens at a bowling alley is someone's going to sell us bad weed in the bathroom. I don't have to sit through this shit. And then Eric Stoltz shows up in the bathroom. Hey, you want to make a movie about Robin Hood? Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.

This movie stinks. Next scene, we're actually watching Seven in the movie. And it's like, we go, these kids go to watch fucking Seven. It's, Amy Smart Surrogate, Ashton Surrogate, and the fucking Psycho Kid. Is the Fat Kid not there? No, no, the Fat Kid's in a coma because he blew up a movie. baby and he's fucking catatonic I forgot

he's now and now he's in the loony bin yeah oh the pooky clock you know they go to watch seven and this fucking little loud mouth is drop it all sorts of f bombs and not the ones that I like

to say on this show yeah it's the homophobic ones because again this movie is so extreme we have we have so much of that and we've also got so much useless child profanity. Now, this is a real Stephen King

situation. So we're watching seven. And it's a weird, like, it must have been opening weekend of seven when they went, because there was like, they passed by no less than five, seven posters on the way to go see seven in the

movie theater. Well, New Line Cinema put this movie out. So they were just lying around. And also all these notes that he's making to himself in his journal are all composition notebooks just like you see in seven oh shit bro i didn't even realize that oh my god did you connect the dots just laid it right out there for you oh oh you're welcome dude you got to put lip biscuit back on go back to the first track and it's only three dollar

bill y'all because that's the good one now we're all in together now i'll show you what talk flavored water tastes like dude you think west Portland'll do this going to our movie possibly oh man I know a guy that sold it Beth so we've got it

in there my neighbor's cousin does his face paint she says he's really got an attitude problem so we're watching Seven in the theater. And you know, weirdly enough, watching the movie seven, three days after you blew up a baby is a bad idea. This girl's like, you know what, this movie's a little too much for me. And they're watching, and it's the scene where they uncover the fat guy, right? Yeah. And he's like the brother who's clearly like a problem child, because he came up with the idea for the dynamite and so on. He's like, look that fat fuck up there. Yeah. Look that fat fucking slob. you're really watching this wrong

So they go out Ashton and Surrogate Ashton and Surrogate Amy Smart And they kind of start making out He's like you're so beautiful And it's like The kid comes out

And he's really weird about his sister Because they've all been molested By Eric Stoltz So every Yeah only he can kiss his sister Yeah exactly He was Robin Hood first All right

You know what I mean Then he got fucking He got ousted He got Terence Howard and out of the role Well because what I think it is He looked at her and said, Next time, baby. Well, because I think what they do is

I think Eric Stelts is just trying to remake all the Disney titles as child porn. So I think the brother was probably Prince Charming. Or maybe he was the fox and the sister was the hound. So I'm going to make the whole box set. It had a little fit. Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, cling, cling, cling, cling. I got to set down a couple of tapes to some of my pals.

Jay Jones in Hollywood, California. I don't know how I'm going to do Jungle Book. but I guess I'll figure it out. I can play the slurpy snake. Oh, my God. The brother comes out and he's like, don't kiss my fucking sister. And some other dude trips him in the lobby.

And he just lays way. This little kid lays waste to this teenager. And you're like, all right, now that kid's got problems. And it's like, oh, fucked up, you know. And it's like, uh, and so the next scene, Lenny comes out of the loony bin, to which he says, and again, like, these people have never been in a mental institution in their lives.

And he's like, I couldn't go to sleep because of Alda screaming all night. Like, no, actually, when a little kid goes to a fucking mental institution, I'm pretty sure it's pretty nice and supportive. It's not a bad house. Oh, it's such a madhouse. Oh, my God, Evan. It was so terrible. I had to bunk with two-phase. Oh, you thought Robin Hood was bad.

They kept calling me baby boomer. And I was like, that's not me, man. I swear I'm not a super villain. just made one mistake. I just blew up one baby and all of a sudden. I'm all over the news, Evan. All over the news for one baby. You ever blowing up a baby?

It's a mistake, Evan. So they're like, Dr. Limburg. Doctor. This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, my 20s while being a lot of fun, a lot of the time were pretty rough. I wasn't exactly rolling a dough. I lived at

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Once more, rocketmoney.com slash WHM which stands for we hate movies. So they're like, okay, fat kid, you just got out of the nut house. Let's go play outside. You can't be in here making model airplanes all day. Yeah, sure. Let's go play in the woods. Nothing terrible happens there. And because it's been six and a half minutes without some wretched.

thing happening to these children. They come across the badass little brother who's put Evans' dog in a fucking sack, tied it shut, and is dumping kerosene all over it. I mean, when I saw this dog, you see him in the first scene, Evans just having breakfast with Melora Walters. And he's like, oh, Crackett, I love you so much.

And I'm like, yeah, I can tell by the blue tinge on this shot, that that dog ain't long for this world. I've seen a film filter before And I know what that shit mean Oh, cracker, you're everything to me Oh, cracker, we can live forever, can't we? My childhood innocence, I hope you never get burned. So this kid is just like,

You know what? You're fucking kissing my sister And the fat kid's the one that got to blow up the baby And I didn't even get to do that. Well, guess what? I fucking hate your guts, Evan. And he just lights this dog up. And like, they try to stop him

And he beats the shit out of him. like hits Evan in the side of the head with a board. And it's another one of these blackouts. Yeah. So you don't really see what happens. But then you see like a pile of dog smoldering and everyone crying. And you're like, oh, I get it. And then the next day, Malora Walters, like, yeah, we got to move.

And I'm like, great idea, Malora Walter. It is a smash cut to a shot of a U-Haul truck. Right out front. You know exactly what's going on. Because the kid is no longer a backseat psychopath. Yeah. He got in the driver's seat. Absolutely.

He's got his license. Yeah, you get away. License to kill. I mean, usually you say, leave those kids alone. Don't go down to the, you know, the whatever house anymore. It's like, no, we got to move. We just have to move. We're going to take a loss on the house.

We're going to move. That's all there is to it. I mean, I know one thing. We can't call the police. We absolutely cannot call the police. We can't, I mean, we can do anything but call the police. Well, actually, you can't, though, because you're definitely an accomplice on that baby murder. Like, that shit, they're going to put you away.

Yeah. like you roll over on him about the dog then they're gonna be like oh yeah well guess what that fat friend who's accusing me of dog murder blew up a baby and a mother well one of the six lives that he lives in this movie

he ends up in like four institutions between the hash of it and like man if that's just one fucking deal with it and finally Ashton Coucher shows up we cut to the future or the present it's very important though as they're driving away he scribbles in his

composition notebook from seven and he writes, I'll come back for you and puts it up on the window so Amy Smart's surrogate character sees it as they drive away. Smash cut to 13 years later. He's in college. He's a real brain.

He's a psychology major. And he is rooming with a cartoon character. With Jabba the hut. Jabba do hut. It's as big, I mean Ethan Sopplea, I think he's a lot of fun.

he's a really funny guy he's a good comedic actor good comedic actor he's great in mallrats and he's pretty big in mallrats he's a big kind of fat guy actor in this movie he is enormous he's surprisingly large yep and the whole gag is he's like obese

but he's also a lethario he's like this obese goth dude but he's just getting all these babes and he's like hey man personality no he's paying these girls like I'm sorry because there's just no other way it's happening. I mean, yeah, I mean, the fact that we both like

Mushuga and Pig Destroyer is quite, I understand, you know, two stars in the night, but this is a bit much. No, yeah, exactly. He's the guy that talks to these girls. He's on aim all the time talking to him. Maybe, maybe, like, with a lot of persistence, he lands the one. You know what I mean? Like, and he just, no, but every other scene, man, he's got to do broad. And like, there's so much big surprise, unnecessary nudity in this movie. Yeah. Like just, oh, cool, bro, tits. You know, it's also about psychological thrillers? Tits.

You're right, dude. Congratulations. It really boils your brain juice, man. We get some tits on screen. Yeah. Oh, man, this movie's so extreme. Dude, we could totally direct tits now, man. Awesome.

Also, the other thing that this movie has a lot of, and it's obnoxious, is fucking in front of your roommate. Yes, not missing a beat. And I feel like, that's another, like, bro, if you wanted to do that, with me in the room man whatever yeah but I mean you're right

and because Ashton Cutcher is A like he's like totally fucking pig shit happy he's like he's straight a student he's good looking

like he's getting late he's having to and like he's got no psychological trauma whatsoever my ass because they say like he repressed it or whatever

like the second you see Ethan Supply like mounting someone you start shaking and convulsing no I won't make a movie I won't make a movie and you're like

what? Dude, I'm trying to fuck in front of you. Could you keep it down, please? Or just be like, hey, man. The camera's on. The camera's on. I can hear your screams of terror over this Marilyn Manson CD. Let's get a dog collar on the doorknob rule going here.

You know what I mean? Guess what? Here, make it simple for everybody. You hear mechanical animals in there? You don't come in. Yeah, just don't. If you hear antichrist superstar, come right the fucking. Mechanical animals, that's for the fucking.

Antichrist superstars just for when I study or jerk off, which I don't mind if you find me doing. You can go ahead and flip a coin on that one. So we go out to a club, to a bar, and, like, you know, they're on a double date, and Ashton Coucher is, like, talking up some lady, and, you know, Ethan Zupli looks like him, and he looks like an ICP member. And, like, some townies are making fuck like a juggalo in this movie. Some townies are making fun of him, and he's so tough. you almost fights him and they get scared we go back and like the girl's like oh my god he's so weird luck and he's like dude he fucks all the time she's like that doesn't make a whole lot of sense and he's like i didn't need to know that i just want to be here with you right you're absolutely right on that

much so like the thing with Ethan supley this is because i hate to harp on it but it's like it's one of the situations where he's lying on a bed and you can't tell there's a bed there no it's just a massive fuck yeah it could have just been like a bunch of t-shirts that he built up into some kind of you know area so he's like putting on a record like even

the best part of the movie from me even so please like for once not fucking in the dorm room so ashton kutcher's like well it's my time to shine and he's putting a record on they're like kind of making out they're having a good time putting on some guster you know oh yeah absolutely dude he's got this crazy live gustor

set where they were opening for DMB at the time and then at this one show, man. Dave came out and played a couple songs with Guster. No way. Oh yeah, dude. That happened. And I got the boot to prove it. Phil Esh comes in in the encore.

Deal with that shit. Oh, got some old school Ben Harper on here, bro. So, he's just putting the moves on, light some candles and she's like, oh, I dropped an earring. Hey, look, journals. And she's like, and she starts going

through them. And instead of being like, hey, you want to leave put those down we can talk or something he's just like what are you doing she's like read me something from your journal and he's like what and you know what it is this girl's fault because he's like okay i'll read you a little something and he at random picks a page well at random it's all terrible you know what i mean well yes exactly there's no better part than others so he just opens it and it's like well and then mr mcgillicuddy's cock and he's like Like, you know, I don't think I can read this. And she's like, no, keep going.

What is your end game, lady? And it's like clearly disturbing him. He starts like, we're getting into the time travel thing a little bit and his like heads hurting and he's clearly having trouble. And she's like, no, just keep reading. And we should be clear here, the way he time travels for no reason. I mean, it's never explained. And I mean, chaos theory be damned is he looks at his own journal.

the camera starts to shake really coolly and he just travels back in time and he's inside his body at whatever point in the journal we're reading. Yes, exactly. So whatever part of these this horrendous childhood tone

we're reading he goes to. You're making a time travel movie I'm going to compare it back to the future. And the insults in your movie. This is all a problem and when I saw this I realized that the whole I guess it's the conceit

but I call it the joke of the movie is that he can travel through time by reading and it's Ashton Coutcher in my head that's a big laugh In my head it was this 88 words per hour These aren't magical notebooks

It's not any like The only thing that's even kind of supernatural about it is it only takes place He can only do it at points when he blacked out Like in his In journal entries where he describes his blackout he can access some super highway it makes somehow and i like this movie it makes less sense than donnie darko i mean it would which is really tough to do honestly i mean donnie darko's got

an old witch drawing a physics equation for you to explain things this is just reading a composition notebook and the only explanation they even bother to try to give you is oh also the dad has it so like whatever it is like the dad wasn't crazy the dad was also he kept going back in time trying to fix something and eventually got himself institutionalized

The father was a future rabbit monster Yeah exactly What are you doing? Get out of the road, huh? We love doing that And so he travels back at time And he comes back at the girls Like oh weird

Where'd you go? You just totally blacked out on me I love you Yeah she thinks like It's because of drinking And she's like Oh I totally do that all the time you're such a cool partier

keep reading your dark journals that's interesting like can we have sex or could you please leave like that's one or the other you know maybe and maybe it will go out we don't have to have sex right now

and that's not what I'm getting at I literally just don't want to be in my room reading my dark journals to you it's nothing on you but I need you to choose A or B yeah that's fine it doesn't matter or go to sleep we'll go to sleep we'll get breakfast in the morning that's also a fine option

I just don't want to read my fucking journal to you, you total stranger. I will even be a cuddled buddy. That's what I'm willing to go through for this. And he's like, oh, you know, I should look up the old gang. And of course, like, he goes to Amy Smart and she's a fucking waitress. Loser! You know, she's a waitress and a diner, which is, like, the worst thing that could ever happen to anybody.

And she's like a bad waitress, too. Like, the first thing you see is her just dropping plates everywhere. Oh, yeah. She's got a horrible life. And the fat kid has grown up to be crazy. He goes and visits him first. Oh, yeah, you're right. And, like, the mother lets him in, like, oh, look, who's here?

This kid that kind of ruined your life. And, you know, he's, like, kind of, like, sort of catatonic, not really. He's building a model airplane and not saying anything. The room has about 50 model airplanes hanging. He sleeps in a race car bed. Like, his development stopped at the point when he blew up a baby, which it would. I mean, yeah. We don't know again, by the way, at this point in the film that he's blown up a baby.

Now it looks like a set from the tarnished angels. And like, dude, where is the scene of the mother just being like, listen, Ashton Coucher? We don't talk about the stuff before the planes. Yeah. Pre-planes, we don't talk about. It's got to be laid out that clearly. Yep. It's just, it's not good.

Okay, got it. Good. So I'll go in and you'll leave me alone with him. Okay, perfect. Hey, you remember that time when that baby's entire body blew up? And like this dude freaks out and he like pushes him up

against a bookshelf and he's like, you fucking did it. I hope you fucking die. If you get out of here now, kill your whole fucking family. And then he like goes and sits back down very quietly and like starts painting again and you're like, okay. Pretty good performance from Eldon Hanson

in this. Yeah, yeah. He's fine. He's doing damaged well. Yeah, and I mean he's acting against a white sheet, is ashen kutcher so that's that's difficult too so yeah so then we're at the diner amy smart you know gets off of work and he's like talking to her like oh you know what's going on oh well i i walk home because i don't have a car okay well can i walk with you and then hey remember that movie we made as kids yeah again him with these bad segways he's like so remember that time we're in your basement like your dad bought that video camera like you remember that

Because I've been trying to get an acting portfolio together, and I was thinking maybe. I mean, the last 40 minutes of that footage is not useful, but, you know, the first three, that the setup is pretty good. When I come in and I have to say, I'm Robin from Lockley and so on. I mean, we need a reel. Like, you don't just go and try out and not have a reel. So she's like, why are you bringing that up? You know, nothing ever gets better. Oh, my God.

Why are you such a jerk? And it's one of my favorite things, which is the, the, uh, I'm going to run away from you crying, but you don't have a clear exit. You know what I mean? Like, if you're going to do the Kron Rye walk away thing, you need a door within 10 feet. In front of your house.

You got to be right in front of your house. You can't be outside and you're just crying and running down a dark road. For a mile. Where you can, it's just a clear flat country road and he can just watch you go till you hit the horizon.

This is my exerciser teeth. Like, it's embarrassing. It is. you need, or even like go into the bushes and hide until it goes away. Like something, you need a clear exit. So he goes back to, in case you're wondering. It goes back to his dorm room and Ethan

so please smoke in a bong. Yeah. Hey, bro. Someone left a message for you, man. I'm writing this short story called the butterfly effect. I think I'm going to turn it into freshman cop. And he listens to the answering machine message and it's the brother

of Amy Smart being like, what did you fucking say to her? She said that you came over and then she killed herself and you're just like man oh man this movie the hits just keep on coming and then he's got the balls to go to her funeral after everyone leaves

because he's the brother's like I'll kill you you son of a bitch which he's kind of right to and you know he throws in the I'll come back for you thing to her fucking grave maybe she doesn't want it in her grave Ashton Gitcher yeah that's very presumptuous of you it's also really bad for worms

to be eating paper with Sharpie all of for it. Worms can't have Sharpie. Go get sick. Make those worms all sick. Also, it was a lie. You didn't come back from her. You don't want to just throw, toss a lie down into a grave. When you came back for her, she committed suicide.

Look at the good you did. It didn't work out so well. So what happens is when he was with the other girl in one of his flashbacks and one of his time travels, a cigarette burned him and he was like, and he came back and he's like, oh my God, I still have the scar So I can affect, I could change the past, change the, you know, he's like, if I could, if I could cause scars, maybe I could heal some.

Oh, aren't you just the Jesus of, of main town USA, wherever this takes place? And that's the, that's kind of, unfortunately, the thrust of this movie is he's got to save her. And it's like, you know what, maybe, like, and in every situation they go into, like, she's a prostitute, she's a fucking, you know, crack whore. She's a prostitute. Seriously, like, three times out of. Five, she's a prostitute in these alternate suicide. Never ever in any of these alternate realities

does she write a fucking short story collection in, you know what I mean? Like get her master's in something. Well, there's one, but it involves Ashton Coucher being what, amputated double. Oh, man. Yeah, that one's bad. Well, there's also the one where

they're together and it's all seemingly cool and like he's a frat brother and she's part of a sorority and like they kind of have their lives together pretty well. But that one also doesn't end fantastically for her. No, it does not end fantastically for her. That's the first one. So he goes back, he's like, all right, where can I pinpoint? And like, again,

you're really taking shots of people that don't, really can't speak for themselves, which are people, victims of sexual abuse. And there's, you know, you can, there's a lot of different ways you can go from. Not just fucking suicide movie makers. You can, you know, put that shit behind you, you know, build a blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah. Whatever. No, he's like, but you know what? If you had it where, like, he he went and brought it up and she was like, that upsets me. And then she went and, like, went to a meeting or, like, sought outreach or whatnot. Yeah. That's not extreme. Well, the only extreme is suicide.

Nope. Wait a bit. Jeff. She goes to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrist tries to rape her. Dude, that's like, oh, man. I think, do you think this is a feminist movie, bro? Like, that's all.

almost like, I think we cracked it. Oh, we're going to get so much pussy. So he travels back in time to the molestation. Which also, by the way, like, we have no inference that the Robin Hood plot, I'm pretty sure Eric Stultz has been doing stuff for a while with these kids. That's the one thing I was thinking, I was like, this isn't the first time. It can't be. No, you don't just start making movies

You start that shit in-house And then once you're successful You branch out to friends coming over Yeah, I mean Is how I would imagine that works You gotta have a lot of fucking Notches on your belt If you're gonna take somebody else's kid

You know what I mean You've got to be pretty confident I mean but I don't think he's got a full library It's got a good like drawer going He's working on that box set So we cut back and it's Eric Stilts again And he's like all right Clickling cling cling cling cling cling cling cling cling to

It's something to say to clinket clink you can you touch a clink and clink and i didn't and you know ashen and it's really uh logan lerman is the kid that uh percy jackson and so other oh is he percy jacks oh i've never seen those no nobody has don't worry nobody has and uh perks of being a wallflower he's the main guy kid from that and you know he it's a really kind of i mean it's it's really aping you know what i mean like because he's like hey fuck wad you shouldn't touch your kids fuck what? I'm going to call child protective services. Fuck what. Yeah, that's the thing, right? Is when he travels

back in time, he keeps, even though he's in the same, you know, he's in his body, but he's younger. Yeah. He keeps all the future information. Yeah. You know, so he knows, like, why he's on this mission. And yeah. So it's like a little kid talking like Ashton Kutcher, which, again, it's just this little kid, you fucking fuck face pervert. Oh man, this dialogue's really cutting deep. And like, man, do you think Eric Stultz can't handle a mouthy kid? That's literally, mouthy is in my notes. And we were in two different fucking states when we wrote them. Because literally, yeah, of course. This kid's like mouthing off and like, this guy's a fucking real deal child molester. Like a couple of complaints ain't going to hurt him. No, no, no, no, no.

And he's like, oh, blah, like he saw a ghost. How are you doing this? And like, what do you mean? How was cursing? Anyone can curse Eric Stoltz. What are you a Mormon, too? Mormon, alcoholic, child molester? Dude sounds sick. Oh, man, we're really saying something. Jeff, that's the hat trip.

So, yeah, I mean, he does that. And he's flash forward to the future. And, like, he's in bed with Amy Smart in a frat house at Bradbury University, the way. Hello. But the thing to keep in mind... We got to pay homage to the master. Got plenty of Philip K. Tick. The thing to keep in mind

is that when he's telling off Eric Stultz, the language that he uses is you need to not do this to your daughter. Because it's just It's just the Ashton Cochers surrogate and the Amy Smart surrogate. The brother is told to go upstairs. And so the kid doesn't go upstairs all the way. He sits on the top of the basement steps where Eric Stultz can't hear him or see him rather.

And he's literally like twisting a doll's head. Yeah. And he's like, you need to discipline your fucking son because he's crazy as shit. Yeah. And you got to stop fucking with your daughter. So keep that in mind because that's the butterfly effect. You say the thing the wrong way. And it's not what you intend.

Part in this part of the wind. And as if, like, you know, fucking Eric Stoltz was only molesting his daughter because he thought it was good for her. Like, he's like, oh, wow, wait, this is psychologically damaging. I better stop that. I thought we were growing closer as father and daughter. I thought this was, you know, special time. So he wakes up as a frat boy. And you know what?

A problem with these alternate realities is, and with the butterfly effect in general, like, there should be fucking crazy world. Like, you know what I mean? like if a butterfly's wings, you know, can, if it goes the other way, you know what I mean, can cause all these ripples. Like, it's only this very linear, distinct timeline. Like, it's like playing, like, I don't even know what. Like, you're just playing one of those things where you dress up a character in different ways.

You know what I mean? You're saying, like, at the start of this movie, if a butterfly flaps its wings, somewhere on the other part of the world, a typhoon or a monsoon happens or whatever it is, right? But what you're showing me in this movie is, hey, man, if a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the street, a little kid on the other side of the street might see it. Like the stakes are

so much fucking lower. Exactly. And not even, yeah, like, you know, they should be like different presidents every time and like, you know what to be different wars going on and like fucking... Not one single donut rainstorm. I got to tell you, I was really, really disappointed. And speaking of donut rainstorms, Ethan Soplee

is the same in every reality. Like, wouldn't that be a fun thing? Like, one time he's, you he's a greaser and the other like you know what i mean like it's it's easy enough to do that and be like oh wow he's having so many unfrasy no it's just literally him and the three people he's he's trying to affect he affects yeah Ethan supley just continues to look like a morbidly obese robert smith throughout the entire movie actually i think donut rainstorm is the name of his glam metal band you're god damn right it is and you know he's a frat boy and like you know he's

we spend a lot of time in this frat reality and like building up like what it and he's oh you I'm a frat boy and it's like nobody cares you know what I mean like hey just stop being a frat boy or whatever you know just stop wearing fucking Fubu get it over with that and and and that's a that's a thing that comes up in this is because Amy Smart calls him out on it she's like what's been going on with you lately you're talking differently because he he still has the all the same mental all the same memories of like oh it was the fucked up universe and I fixed it now yeah like his brain doesn't change like the memories don't, like he gets the additional

memories. This is so, Jesus Christ Andrew, he gets the additional memories of the new timeline, but he also keeps the shit from the old timeline. So he's just talking like himself and she's like basically saying like, why aren't you talking like a duchy frat boy? Like what's going on? You're being so different. And only a brain, the

size of Ashton Cochers can hold all that shit. That's the trick to it all. You got that much space, Chris. Move in, you know, the elephant and everything else can go in there. You could put three living rooms in that living room and you know I mean the brother shows up but he's like you're

fucking my sister no one can fuck my sister but me that's his whole speech this entire movie yeah and it's a thing where like they're having a romantic dinner he's about to propose to her you know college by the way yeah mistake yeah totally you know it's the early 2000s because he opens the door and the party starts with a very emotional

Jimmy World song and you know he's about to do it And then it's like, hey man, someone's fucking with your car. And he's like, oh, I'll get that fucker, you know. And so she's like, oh, it must be my brother. And he's like, what? And she goes, oh, I forgot to tell you. He got out two days ago. And he's like, oh, fuck.

You know, like a good old fashioned off fuck. And basically they get to a scuffle. And Ash and Coucher, who's at least two and a half feet taller than this kid. Oh, yeah. Needs to use Mace to subdue him, which, Doesn't make sense. Yeah, this dude's like got a bat and he's trying to come at him and he maces him. And this is what's crazy is.

And it's a game I want to play called Who's the Crazy One Here? Because this dude's getting out of jail. He's coming at him with a baseball bat. Nobody fucks my sister but me, all that stuff. And he swings at him. Ashton Coucher maces this guy. He goes down. He's down and out.

And Ashton Coucher takes the baseball bet and beats this dude. This dude is down. more and then he fucking pommels him to death he just caveman kills this guy and he goes to jail like he should he's still the hero of this movie in case you were wondering yep and like

he's never going to pay remorse for this dead body he's just like oh I'll just fucking fix it you know what I mean like it's easy enough so he he goes to prison and of course he's immediately almost raped like six times because it's prison man that's what fucking happens God damn it Hey man I got that box set of Oz

You want to do some market research Oh I hate it I fucking hate it And the funny thing about this prison It doesn't make any sense But like it's breakfast And he gets a muffin and pancakes When has there ever been a muffin in prison?

It's always like the powdered eggs Half an orange You know and broken dreams Maybe it's like Barbie's prison set it looks a pretty good muffin too look pretty moist

I mean it gets stolen by Nazis but hey it's a pretty good these things happen I mean that's going to happen in prison

so he makes friends with the dude who played blob in X-Men Origins Wolverine and he also played Kemi on Lost

this guy I believe is either like a New Zealand or Australian actor I think his name it's gonna kill me but I I remember him

he's in Cosmolmon Oh, yeah. He's the bodyguard from Cosmopoulos. And he is playing this Hispanic cartoon character. And like, you know what, dude, you don't have, you have a movie with all white cast. There's a black psychologist because there's always a black psychologist and a black principal because it's always a black principal. But essentially an all white cast. Yeah.

The one Spanish dude, you have to go to a white guy for? Like, come on. What are you doing? What was Clifton Collins Jr. doing? Absolutely. Clifton Collins Jr. could be in this movie. I think this was around his time. Spada Jr. could probably fucking be there.

Well, I mean, I guess the whole thing is he needs the dude for protection, so I guess in that regard, you know, he can't be. And he's a big jack dude. He's like, you gotta protect me, got to protect me. And he gets these journals from his mother. And like, what I love about this Aryan Union is they're not like, you know, hey, they're picking on white people,

which does happen. But they're like bullies essentially. They're like, hey, freshman. And they take his notebooks and like start tearing them. Oh, yeah. They're like tripping him and tearing the pages out of these notebooks. Also with the threat of rape. But still, they're like high school bullies with rape. And so, you know, he's like, I got to get these notebooks back. Like, he manages to rip away a couple of pages. Yeah. And it's nothing doing. There's none of the blackout stories in there. So he can't do anything with these. He's not going to be able to travel back in time, thus getting himself out of prison. Sure. Sure. So, yeah. So he goes into the, to the bully's locker room, i.e. their cell. And they're actually, it's just these two Nazis sitting around reading somebody else's. diary, which I do, and they're not Hitler's diaries. No.

They're just, just regular. Hey man, according to this diary, he was molested, and then his dad tried to kill him, and then was murdered in front of him. Then his fat friend blew up a mother and her newborn baby with a mailbox full of TNT. Oh, and then

another one of his friends burned his own dog alive in a bag and then tried to kill. You know, I think he's one of us. He has earned it. No. Keith, you know what that is? Easy pickings. Take more than his muffin.

You know what, Earl, I feel like this is a bit, you know, it's a bit contrived. You know, I can see the puppet strings here. I don't feel like the narrative is really achieving much without, you know, I just, I can see, you can see through it, right? It's pretty thin. We don't need another guy in this telephone booth. Man's been through enough. you know what i'm just gonna let's call it a day with this guy i'm gonna go give him in his notebooks back oh here he comes and he comes and he comes in he's like i want to be a nazi and

you know let's why not throw in some racial epithets for no reason every one in the book yep every goes around the thing and like you know if again if it's a movie about nazis then i'm fine i don't mind that in american history acts because we've earned it and that's the spice we are working with absolutely it's a spicy sandwich That's what this chili has to taste like. Yeah, exactly. You know, like, this time travel chili doesn't have to taste like American History X chili. No, it shouldn't.

It should not. It shouldn't taste like sleepers chili or American History X chili. You can go with the Serrano. You don't need the hebranero. Yeah, exactly. Just fucking deal with it, guys. This movie doesn't need to be flavored with LIE starring Brian Cox. Anybody remember that fucking thing?

Nope. or robber stump I almost said Raoul Julia which I wish Russell Crow I know it's Russell Crowe I thought you were really stumped but so he's like hey

all of the total fucking terrible racist things for no reason they're like hey cool and he's like I'll suck your dick man it's prison I'll suck your dick speaking of which now we're again back to American History X

my favorite line is in this, I believe. It's either shit on my dick or blood on my knife. Yeah. Good job, guys. Round of applause.

Kiff, we did it again. We did it again. Cogs. Turning, forking over time. So he's going to suck these dudes off, right?

And then he murders one of them, like, no, he murders him both, right? It's a big, like, we're just knife and stomachs. This is what I didn't understand about this blowjob situation. Sure. Now, he's going to do both of them. Sure. Both of them, like, pull

it out at the same time. Yeah. And, like, he's clearly in front of the one gentleman who's, like, their leader. Yeah. And then there's the other guy who looks like Kevin Nash, you know. Yeah, which is the guy you don't want to mess with. No, but Kevin Nash is whipping it out. And I'm like, Kevin Nash, you're going to have to wait a minute. You know, like, what do you

going to do? Or is it like a simultaneous? You know, it's just another detail that this movie glosses over. Because they need to see how much talent he has. If he's ambidextrous, he's their number one girl. So he stabs these Nazis and kills him.

And then, you know, the bunk mate runs in. Because he's convinced the bunkmate, by the way. Oh, whatever. He's convinced the bunk, the bunk mate that he has Jesus powers. This guy's very religious. He's an Hispanic character. Oh, absolutely. He has to be super.

Oh, Mother de Dios. Yeah, he's got to be super in love with De Jesus. Yeah. While he does his fucking best Cheech Marin impression of this guy. And so he travels back to a day in school. When he's drawing the picture. Yes. Oh, yeah, right.

He's supposedly drawing this picture. Todd McFarlane's sitting there. No, I got it. You go, Evan. I'll do this one. The clowns almost got to get the shade. And so he goes up to like the teacher's got a bunch of like hall passes laid out on the desk. And they're, like, being held together by those, like, paper pinholder things.

Which would never be in a grade school classroom, by the way, for just this reason. Yeah, and he's like, hey, teacher, and slams his hands down on them, jumps back forward in time, because at this point, somehow he's got control over them. Also, that, exactly, that, that, that's what's interesting about this is he, he stabs, he stabs both his hands, right? He gives himself stigmata, but the reality doesn't change at all. No, he's somehow still, like, That would change your life. That would totally change your life.

First of all, that's the teacher is dead. You know what I mean? Like, this teacher you just decided to have fun with, she's gone. She got fired, and then she couldn't pay her bills. She became homeless. She was an alcoholic. She tried heroin once. She kind of liked it.

She really got into a routine. And then six months later, she died under a bridge. And you know what? Her little nephew, Barry Obama, was never the same. And that's a fucking butterfly. That's how the butterfly effect. should work. But in this case, he just gives himself some hand scars. And this dude

doing Cheatsman's like, hey, man. Oh, look at that. It's this digmata, man. And you're like, oh, Jesus. So that's how he convinces him to do this thing. So this dude runs in, slams the door close. He's holding it there. So Ashton Coucher's like fast reading through these notes, trying to find one so he can go back in time

and get out of this whole mess. And like he eventually does it right before there's a whole cell block riot. Cell block riot, riot. And the next reality is my, is kind of when I, I call it good, leave well enough alone because he comes to, and he's just regular old Ashton again, you know what I mean? He's rumored with Ethan Soply. Ethan Soply is having sex with somebody never could have sex with, even if he was Ethan Soply. And, you know, he goes to see, he goes to visit his buddy Lenny who, I forget, oh, that's right, because he flashes back to the fire.

this is my favorite part of this is pretty hilarious because he's like I got to make sure that the that Amy Smart's brother doesn't grow up to be fucked up yeah so he doesn't come trying to kill me so he flashes back to the dog burning and he's like I have to have something that the fat kid will be able to have in his hand to cut the rope on the sack and let the dog out so the burning doesn't happen so here's Optimus primes shiv yeah he finds this like hunk of scrap metal and he's like hey fat kid just trust me when the time comes lenny just cut the rope swing away merrill

that's all you have to do you know so they go the whole thing plays out he's got the dog tied up in the sack he starts hitting he beats amy smart over the head he starts fighting ashton kutcher ashton kutcher blacks out there's this kid ashton kutcher blacks out he wakes up and

the fat kid has successfully freed the dog Like, it doesn't have, oh, that's what it is, because he says to the kid, the brother, he doesn't even get a chance. He's like, listen, man, don't set this dog on fire. You know, you're going to do juvie. Just don't do that, man. You're better than that. Don't do that. And he's like, all right, you know what, fine.

And he doesn't burn the dog. His fat kid comes out of nowhere and puts this scrap metal in this kid's spine. It's fantastic. He murders him. And then Amy Smart, I guess, cuts her face open. Yeah, the kid has hit her or something like that. And she's got a big Joker scar on her face. And that's when we flash forward.

and, like, Eldon Hansen is totally just, like, tied up for life. Like, he's, like, fucking Loki at the bottom of the fucking thing. It's just, like, nothing left to him. It's, it's real shock therapy time for this guy. And he's just, like, you ruined my life. And I'm, if I'm Evan, I'm like, no, I didn't. I just, I told you. Yeah, I didn't.

I said cut the rope, not cut his spine. Exactly. You idiot. Like, you kind of deserve to be in jail right now, bro. Yeah, exactly. You took that shit too far. we had a plan you didn't stick to the plan and then he's like oh I should check on an Amy smart

with by the way just call it a call it a wash baby you know like you're not in jail dude you did it you're not in jail this girl's not dead you know what I mean yeah exactly all positives and you know obviously she's a crack whore prostitute and like she's all scarred up but she's like she's an indignant

fucking oh she yeah she's got some words for him but she looks I mean like here's the thing and the makeup department went way too far with this crack whore business. She looks like the Cripkeeker. You know what I mean? She does not look like someone

that's done hard drugs. She looks like a Skellington. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. He takes her out for dinner and she's like, you better pay me. And he's like, yeah, I will. And there's this great thing.

She's like giving him shit the whole time and he tells her the whole thing like, oh no, I'm going to fix your life. I'm going to have time travel and fix it. He's like, yeah, good job you've done so far. This is my favorite line in the movie. He's like, next time you, do it you're probably

you're probably going to be in some mansion somewhere and I'm going to be in Tijuana doing donkey shows man hey man donkey show put it in put it in put it in I don't care where I just put it in I just heard about it I just heard about it man

I just watched clerks too I totally just heard about it wait wait maybe make the whole movie about a donkey show and then no man you're going too far I spell

sequel Butterfly Effect 2 The Donkey Show The donkening Maybe Maybe that's what that movie Donkey Punch is about

Remember there is that period of time Where everybody was telling you To watch Donkey Punch Well everyone is either telling you To watch Donkey Punch Or do a donkey punch Or tell you Oh dude do you know what a donkey

Yes I know what it is It's fucking 2005 And I'm 21 years old Dude my cousin's friend totally tried to donkey punch it totally worked. No, he did. No, he did not. That's an urban legend. No, bro, he told me himself, it totally worked. Maybe

it was a swing and a miss, but no. I don't know why you have nothing better to tell me but absolute lies, but you never did the nasty Sanchez either. No, yeah, the dirty Sanchez. The Rust or Trombone? No, none of those things happen. It's just one of those things where you could not escape

someone telling you to rent Donkey Punch on DVD. Nope. Donkey Punch. Available. on Netflix. And so he's like, oh man, I got it. And again, like, I'm just regular old, whatever. Like, I would try and get this girl into counseling if I could. But if not, that's her choice, man. She's made her choice. That's her life. Those are the choices she decided to make. Here is the problem, though, and the reason why he doesn't let it be. And it's completely unearned is that he somehow, the movie leads us to believe, has always been in love with

this girl. And that's just not a thing that's happening when we meet Ashton Kutcher at the beginning of the movie. You know what I mean? He doesn't even think about her. He doesn't even think about it until he realizes the whole like burning himself with the cigarette thing. And it's like, I got to save her. Why? You haven't thought about this girl one minute for 13 years. And maybe

she's a fucking adult that could make her own fucking decision. And every sign of romantic inclination other than the kiss at the movie theater isn't like these shitty fucking flash When he does the flashback, there's also a short little montage that goes along with the flashback to tell you what's happened as if I didn't fucking put the puzzle piece in the goddamn puzzle already. And what's worse is not even that he's in love with her, is that her whole life is a wreck because she loves him. Because she's like, oh, you know, when my parents were getting divorced, I had a choice. Me and my brother had a choice to live with my mother or live with my father, who was a creep and a pedophile.

and I decided to live with my pedophile father because I thought this boy was cute. I loved him that much. I chose to continue living with a child molester. I chose wrongly. You drank for the wrong cup, Missy. She just turns to dust. And he goes back and in this reality

we go back to the baby blow-up scene and he's like, okay, maybe if I fix the baby blow up. So he goes and he tries to push the lady out of the way and he gets caught in the crossfire. now it's time to make fun of amputees. Like it's about it's high time in this film to make fun of amputees. Good, but you know

what? Because I've been sitting here tapping my foot. Everybody else gets it in this movie. And how about the physically disabled? And he wakes up in his college bed and, you know, he thinks Thumper who's Ethan simply is having sex next to him. But it's actually Eldon Hansen having sex with Amy Smart. He's like,

wait, that shouldn't be. And then he realizes he doesn't have arms. And I mean, this is This movie did not have a huge budget, so you can't really rip on it for this. But, I mean, these are some silly bad arm effects. Yeah, oh, yeah. This is not Forrest Gump. No, no, they didn't have Lieutenant Dan money.

No, they did not. He didn't get Robert Zemeckis money for this. Ashton Kutcher did not meet JFK. So it's, he's got no arms. And also, he's in a wheelchair. He can't walk either. Yeah, he's paralyzed. He doesn't have arms.

And, like, he's disabled. And in this reality, you know, Eldon, Hansen. Everyone's doing great in this reality. B.T. Dove. There's a whole lot of gap sweaters. Yeah. Everybody's fantastic. Eldon Hansen has gorgeous blonde locks. He's lost weight. He looks fantastic. He looks exactly

like the singer from Three Doors Down. Oh, you can call him Superman, baby. And they're wheeling Ashton down the hallway, and he falls out of his chair. In college, and everyone in college is laughing at him,

total bullshit. Dude, my my notes when that happened I just wrote who laughs at this no nobody does this zero people dude nobody laughs in high school a fucking person with no arms falling out of a wheelchair is the least funny thing

of all time 25 people are rushing to the scene oh yeah and that is a low-balling estimate and the people who aren't rushing to the scene are putting their hands over their mouths like oh my god I hope he's okay dude this hallway is a Twitter with people laughing at him

Even the loser that likes Slipknot that finds this funny is holding it in and laughing at it later. No one in public would ever laugh at that. They are pointing and laughing at him like he's the kid in Billy Madison who peed his pants. It just doesn't make any sense. And he's like, oh my God, this reality sucks. And then he goes to visit his mother, Melora Walters, who is like, has cancer. Because she picked up chain smoking after the accident. Oh, stop.

Stop it. And there's also a horseshit heart to heart with him and Amy Smart where she's like, I'm just going to, you know what, I'm just going to go talk to him for a second. Like, you go to class or whatever, you know. And he's like, so let's say there's an alternate reality where I love you. And I told you that I loved you more than anyone's ever loved anyone in the history of love. Do you think we could be together and flash back to the writing of this screen? screenplay, like, bro, that shit's real.

High five for believable dialogue. And she's this monster who's like, no. And then she starts baking out Eldon Hansen again in front of this dude. Right in front of him. And it's like, come on. She can't be. And you know what? She's not worth that much if that's the case.

If in this reality, she's like, fuck you, dude. And like makes out with somebody else. Like, it's not like, she doesn't have to go out with him, but just be like, no. you're my special friend I mean she does say to him like yeah you know what when we were younger like I did have a thing for you But then you lost your arms

And I was like gross Ew It's like you know Lenny you know turned out to not grow up To be crazy and fat So I got with you Now you're the one who's disabled Like that's what's going on

He's got a steady delivery of pot I mean he can go most of the night It's a real slam dunk for me Oh and you love me? Oh, I'm sorry. In this timeline also, the brother has become like a real Bible thumper kid. Shut up. So when Ashton Coocher is trying to commit suicide in the bathtub, because what else could you do if you're disabled, Andrew, you'd have to kill yourself, right?

What's that wheelchair? Oh, amputee, better just commit suicide. Sorry. That's what this movie's fucking telling you. Your life is invalid. I apologize, but that's what the butterfly effect says, so that's it. And then, like, the brother comes in and saves him from suicide, so he realizes, you know, I'll get

I'll butterfly myself Yeah I'll get Eldon Hanson to prop up a composition notebook on my lap and I'll read some more pages and and we'll go back in time and you know guys we are just going to give it one more try we're just going to try once again

to straighten this shit out and this is when we go back again to the Eric Stoltz moment and he's like you know what I have to get rid of the dynamite I get rid of the dynamite everything will be just fine so does he light it on fire

What is he? He lights it on fire. That big mistake. So, like, what, Ashton, you've done this six times already. Why would you then think this is a good idea? Like,

he's threatening Eric Stoltz with it. He's like, come on fuck bag! And, you know, all this shit. And then he lights it on fire. And I'm like, what? Just run out of the house with it. And bury it somewhere. Just get it.

We're out of here, man. No. Again, go out the door with the dynamite. Throw it in a fucking garbage can. or just buried into fucking ground and call the goddamn police and say there's a cancorder in a basement in Eric Stolt's house.

That's it. And something bad is about to happen. Look, step on the gas because this guy's got a black market blockbuster video in his basement. We have a timetable here, cops. We've got to go. And he's got a bottle of J.B.

That he is just getting through. And he's like got a quarter of that bottle left. So, oh my goodness. Instead of all of this, he drops the stick of dynamite on the ground in this tiny basement mind you and it goes off and kills only amy smart everybody's dead everyone's at least an that house is going up the house is going up but little thing it doesn't just blow her up it rolls as if it's like on a slanted billiards table to minnesota fats is cheating to amy smart abe's little amy smart picks it up oh yeah you're right what

It's this. Co-boom. You know what? If you're at that point, this movie is that stupid, she may as well put it in her mouth like Daffy Duck. Like a cigar? Yeah.

Yep. Exactly. And then she turns to the camera and goes, brashy, and the fucking frame blows up. No, basically, Eric Stolt says, Wabit season and takes the dynamite

and Ashton says, Duck season. That goes on for a while. Then Amy Smart blows up. So we go, back to present day and he is locked in a mental institution and here we are

we learn that in the crazy house the walls are brown and the whole thing why aren't mental institutions clean anywhere in movies like they are I get it the New York State facilities aren't pristine but this is like in the middle of fucking Montana I mean I don't know it's just

they're always dirty because they always have to be terrible places terrifying oh so scary so it turns out now you guys this is a real boner jam Oh no There are No composition notebooks

Because in this reality After the whole thing with the dynamite The doctor never advised him To start writing down information Well fucking sharp objects You can have the pen or a pencil near you Yep Exactly right

So he's fucked He doesn't have any way To get back in time Amy smart's dead He's in this mental institution You know and now we know by the way that we know we're at the finish line here because the film does start with him running around a mental institution he's leaving this note and you don't really know

what's going on and then we flashback dude we should start at the end and work backwards yeah i'm with you there i think that's a really great way to draw everybody in Jeff I was reading this book today and he said something about elliptical structure I don't know what that is but I'm writing it down

it just means that we recycle a shot that's all it is don't worry about it okay you're freaking me out for a second bro sorry yeah

no I think we do that I think we go for that so yeah I mean, like, he realizes, but there are home movies. And he's like, you don't think. And he finds that the way his father used to do it was he would go through pictures. Right, he had a photo album. Almost anything could work because it's all bullshit.

There's no rules to this anyway. Right, right, right. Because just quick, he goes back one more time and tries to hash it out with the dad again. And the same exact thing happens. What you start realizing with all this crazy shit, by the way, is that when he's flashing back to some of these moments, you are getting at the beginning of the movie like when he's having these blackouts

when he comes to sometimes he's in a weird peculiar prediction you know like one time he blacks out and then he wakes up and he's holding a knife and the mom's like what are you doing with that knife it's because in the blackout it's present day Ashton Coucher saying I have to find something

that I can cut the rope with for the dog for example that's one of the things so the dad's strangling him is because he goes back in time and he's like dad i'm actually me as an adult and the dad's like oh man i thought this curse would end with me no and then it's like cut back dude we got to remember that he's got to call it a curse it's kind of like being a werewolf the butterfly wherewolf i wish so the dad's like the dad's like well it couldn't stop with me it's got to stop with you and he lunges over the table and that's why he's trying to

kill him because he's like this guy's going to keep having you know kids and this disease is going to be spreading or this curse and all these people are going to be fucking up the space time continuum and so on all roads lead to my dad choking me to death yeah and sure as fuck we're at the beginning he's like

okay and I don't know why he like he starts writing and he like breaks into the doctor's office puts on the fucking tape and he's like he writes a note to no one this is such unbelievable horse shit because he's writing this note

like if you find this I've blah blah blah and I'm doing this and I'm going to save her but dude if you're going back in time this reality doesn't exist no one's finding that fucking letter why are you wasting your time put the film strip on and let's get going

I guess if he's going to get like knocked out in the middle of watching the thing but also like dude that's not helping your case no it's not the doctor looks at it and he goes yep still crazy up the dosage. Yeah. And then you're just, you're still crazy.

Three more years. Here you go. Yeah. So he does it and he, for some reason, it's so stupid. And this is when we get into five different alternate endings in the theatrical cut, the one I watched. He watches a film of him and Amy Smart meeting for the first time. For some reason, somebody was filming this, sure. It's probably Eric Stoltz was filming this. Hey, child's birthday. party. He's like, happy birthday to me. Eric Stiltz, screen tests. You know what? The thing is, my handheld work is not great.

I need a tripod is what I really need. So yeah, it's like, I'm going to go back to the first time I met her. And he flashes back to this party. And, you know, Malora Walters is like, oh, Evan, this is Amy Smart. You'll be best friends. And he's like, I have to just get her away from me forever. And this little kid leans into another little kid's ear.

and goes, like, if you come near me again, I'm going to murder your whole fucking family. And the girl's like, ew, no, and runs away. And that's that. And then we cut through the montage of how the timeline plays out. And she's like, you know what, I guess that boy was totally cute, right? But he said he was going to murder my family. So I guess I should get away from my child molester father after all.

Yeah. Sure. That's what twisted her arm to get in the right. You know, she turns out to be a success or something. Let's wrap up this horse shit. I mean, he's in business school. He becomes a so-and-so hot shot. They fucking pass in the street.

And it's like a, was that? No, just keep walking. End of movie. End of movie. But there is an amazing alternate ending. Let's get to it really quickly. Because it's, this is where they were smoking some really great weed. This is the director's cut, oh, yeah, dude.

Because this is the way I, this is my fish in. This is my. design, by the way. And, you know, we cut to, he's back in the room and he puts, instead of it being a film of him meeting Amy Smart, it's

Malora Walters getting rushed into the, rushed into the surgery. Yeah, yeah. She's giving birth to him. The dad is filming and it's like, get out of here, I'm trying to have a baby. So he flashes back to the womb and strangles himself with the umbilical cord. And there's something or

she's like, not again, not again. This happened twice already, apparently. And he fucking strangles himself in the womb and dies. And that's, there you go. Fuck it. Sick, bro. Nice one. Slam dunk.

Oh, man. That is the butterfly effect. Would anybody recommend watching this movie? I would not. It's just, it's college, it's high school level garbage. You know, like it's just the narrative. narrative is just so thin and obvious and like it's dudes that you know read way too much chuck palanuck watched it too much david fincher read too much allen more and just did not get the

subtleties in any of those things mhm chris cabin absolutely not um it's i had a i watching this movie is only an hour 47 minutes i had to stop it five times and like take a break because i was a bored and B, just there's so much like excess to it. Like you didn't, you didn't, there's, you don't need five of those.

There's, there's, this is an hour as I said, an hour 47 minute movie. This could be a quick 80 minutes. Oh yeah, you could be in and out. And this, it would have been fine that way, but this, it's, and I mean, Ashton, Ashton Coucher. We haven't talked about him,

we haven't talked about it. And I mean, he's just, if you have to have him do anything where he's supposed to be straight-faced, you've lost the game already. You just can't do it. You can't do it. The scene where he does propose to Amy Smart, in that, and that's, he's laughing the whole time.

It's supposed to be this big romantic moment where, like, you're supposed to be like, look, you're the love of my fucking life. We should be together. And he's just like half smiling to himself the whole time. He's always half smiling to himself. It's just, it's a 24-7 giggle fest. That's all it is. Because it's just, like, inside, it's like, I got them all fooled.

Like that's, you know what I mean? And the movie does, to me, it's like his real. It is his real because it's like, oh, if I had to, like a war veteran, no arms, here we go. You know, oh, if I want to play comedy. You're totally right. This is me and Amy Smart as fine, like, as doucheback dressed up as douchebags. I could do this. Sure.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're totally right. And that's why he's the exact producer of this movie. I mean, it was his movie to lose, you know? I mean, whatever. I do think the guy is good comedic timing. You know, he's, like, married to Milakunis now or dating something.

So it's a nice, like, that 70s show circle. It all worked out. You know, I think he's a funny dude. He's fine. I mean, I don't hate him, like, people hate him. I got no reason to hate him. There's nothing to hate, but he's just somebody I don't want to watch a movie. Yeah.

I won't watch that 70 show, the first couple seasons of that 70s show. That's, uh, that no strings attached picture is supposed to be good. That's supposed to be funny. No, it's not. No, whoever told you that lied to you. It was my wife. But she lied to you. That's the butterfly effect from 2004, directed by cinematic Wunderkins, Eric Bress and Jay Mackie Gruber.

If you want to get a hold of us, check out the website, WHMpodcast.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM Podcast. Right into the mailbag, we all hate movies at gmail.com. If anyone can really explain the chaos theory and who came up with it, that would be fantastic. because we're all pretty sure it wasn't actually Ian Malcolm. Jurassic Parks, Ian Malcolm.

Rate and review the show in iTunes or if you subscribe to Stitcher and use the Stitcher Radio app, rate and review there. However you get the program, we would appreciate a good rate and review. Check out Eric Siska's sister show. Blame it on outer space. Blame it on outer space.com at Blame Spacepad on Twitter taking down conspiracy theories in a

comedic fashion. Clue for next week's episode. A governor should have been. A governor is going to be. dropping by in the motion picture, not in reality. A former governor, figure, do with that what you will. There's a couple of former governors that have graced the screen. By the way, you're wrong.

You just guessed a movie? I'll say this, if you're guessing a movie right now, you're wrong. Yeah, you're totally, I guarantee you're wrong. This is deep web guesses only. So until next week, when we prove you wrong, I'm Andrew Juppin. Steven Zena. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.

Thank you.