We Hate Movies - S4 Ep166: The Day After Tomorrow

Episode Date: July 15, 2014

In this week's episode, the gang bundles up with the ultra boring disaster dud, The Day After Tomorrow! How 'bout those CGI wolves, huh? Why did they think hiding in a library would be exciting? And just how useless is Sela Ward in this movie? PLUS: This Fall, Louie Anderson returns to a lot of NBC. The Day After Tomorrow stars Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emmy Rossum, Sela Ward, Dash Mihok, Jay O. Sanders and Ian Holm; directed by Roland Emmerich. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into our fine program. If you are new to the podcast, you're catching us. The tail end of our summer blockbuster extravaganza.

It's not quite done yet. We got a few more episodes ago. This is the third to last of what we've been calling on Twitter. Hashtag SBE 2014, which I've seen a lot of people are using. That's fantastic. Keep it up. This week, we're talking about another. Roland Demerick film. This time, it's

2004's the day after tomorrow. Man, this movie is on the highest of horses. I can't even see this movie's head. This horse is so high. Oh yeah. This movie thinks that every word

that it says has been like written in blood on a fucking holy stone somewhere. And the problem is it's not a trashy disaster movie. And it really, really should be. Well, you know why it's that goddamn lib-time. hard message. I'm sorry, I'm not going to, you know, I'm trying

out to get political on the show. But oh my God. It is just jamming it down your throat. And it's like, it's one of those things where I'm like, you know, sometimes it's okay to jam stuff down someone's throat. But in this instance, it's like, what are you, what are you accomplishing with this movie? Like, yes, global warming is a huge problem.

It's become way more of a problem in the 10 years since this fucking movie. movies basically come to fruition. Yeah. Yeah. We have polar vortexes now. I had to travel against some wolves on my way here. You see that? Steve's got some CGI wolves.

Yeah. You've got computer wolves everywhere now. It's an epidemic in this city. 10 years later, Wolves. Yeah. And for a movie that's like billing itself as this big disaster movie, a fucking, I don't know, like a third of it is people hiding in a library.

Well, the first. 45 minutes is an okay movie called The Day After Tomorrow and then the last hour in 15 minutes is My dad's coming to pick me up guys Guys my dad's coming to pick me up And like because his dad's coming to pick him up He Jake Gyllenhaal is just checked out of the movie Like he's just he's waiting for a ride

You have a character that's waiting for a ride He's in the foyer with his bag and his coat And they're like hey Jake Your dad he's not coming for a while You want to come hang out with the rest of it? No, my dad's going to pick us up. I'm here. I'm ready.

Yeah. And he's calling his dad from pay phones. Well, that's something you don't see anymore. It's true. They're long gone. I don't think you would find one in the public library these days. What is he, Amish? Martha, I'm going to touch this evil devil box, but I have to because the world is ending.

I mean, I know that the Amish have to, like, stay true. like, wouldn't it be cool if they were like, all right, guys, new Amish, we're taking everything back to 1960. It would still be spurning a lot of technological advancement. Right below the civil rights movement. That's where you want to be. Keeping it where the Amish like it. That's as far as I'll go English.

Oh, man, we're going to get a lot of bad Amish emails now. No, we're not. If they do, they are bad Amish. If you're writing me an email Amish person, shame on you. It stole your soul. Yeah, well, if they are writing us, they might be part of this Amish Mafia I've been hearing about it? Oh, yeah, that show? Yeah.

Are they killing people? Like, is it a serious mafia or what? They're killing chickens or something. I have no idea. It's like the Italian mafia. It's like, I'm going to paint his barn really shitty. I dare you to go down to Arthur Avenue and put some fucking strawberry ice cream in somebody's face. You'll see what happens to you.

Is that a Bronx reference? It's a Bronx? Arthur Avenue is a location. in Bronx, New York. Where the mafia comes to play. Also, some good delis. Great delis and wonderful restaurants. So this movie, man, is about, like,

the whole weather structure of the world changes. And it really, really jams it down your throat because the 20th century Fox logo? Yeah. Oh, it's stormy. Oh, it's getting stormy. Dude, I fucking, I despise when movies open and they like, the production company or the film distributor will change the look of their logo to make it go like in theme with the movie.

Oh, forget it. Are we kind of done with that now? I feel like we've passed. It had a day day. I'm concerned that as recently as the new X-Men movie, something happened to that Fox logo. I'm fucking with it. I'm not 100%. And I think it's mostly Fox.

I feel like the the shitty Sony. The Sony lady has changed a little bit here and there. I think Universal maybe here and there. I don't know.

Warner Brothers is a big offender as well. It's Fox and Warner Brothers are like the Russia, the Soviet Union and the U.S. Well, because if it's like, you know, it's a movie about this is what I didn't understand though because this is the perfect time to do it.

Like here's this movie where like a new Ice Age comes to the planet, right? Oh, they could have a movie. that little cartoon squirrel. Scrat could have come out. It's owned by Fox. Scrat could have been there. Synergy.

But, uh, oh, no, but like, uh, like why doesn't it freeze? Yeah. Why are they just dumb clouds?

If you're going to do this, like, give away the third acts. Oh, come on. That's in the preview that the Ice Age is coming. You hear handsome Dennis Quaid say Ice Age four times in the preview. Man,

Dennis Quaid in this movie. That, that face is worse for where. Well, as, movie goes on. Yeah, he gets a little harangued because his sons, you know, on the other side of the country. And he's going to walk from Jersey to Manhattan to deal with it. Well, speaking of walking, in the beginning of this movie, he's doing some sweet Super Mario jumps, which don't

make a whole lot of sense. Why is he a super jumper? Oh, yeah, because they're, they're like, where are they? They're in some cold spot, aren't they? Antarctica. Yes. And the young inexperienced guy. Dash Meehawk. Yeah. Who's that? Isn't that like a bounty hunter in Star Wars? It sounds like. No, he is, I feel like he's played a doofus in things. He plays a dofus in a lot of things. He's the guy in Punisher Warzone, the dumb cop.

Oh, yeah, that's where I think I recognized him from. He's in Romeo plus Juliet. Equals. Equals, a movie I've seen too many times. But so he's in this way. They're doing, like, you know, some Antarctic, like, weather research or some such nonsense. And, you know, there's a big crack that's, but he's, like, drilling. And there's a big crack that happens because, like, a big part of the ice shelf is breaking off into the ocean.

And it's just, like, going down. And, like, he almost falls. And then, like, they save him. And then it's like, oh, but the equipment. And Dennis Quaid's, like, jumping over this ravine back and forth with this. He does a Luigi jump where his legs kind of spin a lot while he's doing it. to get to get a science stuff like this is like oh my my science posters or whatever they have all my Einstein posters it's Einstein with his tongue out it's John Volusci in college

that's my X-Files I want to believe poster it's the big wall-sized one of Bob Marley's smoking a huge spliff oh fuck dude we got to go back to college it'd be great get some scarface posters you have really, eyesore posters. I always despised that, I despised and admired the dude on our campus that would always be selling posters outside the bookstore, because it was like, you know what you're selling is garbage, but God bless you for making a fucking fortune off of it. Yeah, he would have like every sell of the original Boondock Saints movie in poster form. Oh yeah.

And they sold like hotcakes. That's where I got my adaptation poster, because why wouldn't you want to, wake up every day looking at Nick Cage in a flower pot why wouldn't you do that that's a movie you want everyone to know you like yeah that sounds like three or four years to me hey yeah I watched

legitimate cinema here's Nicholas Cage with curly hair yeah I like important movies yeah I had the Fear and Loathing poster it was a nice little conversation piece because then you could tell people hey I also read the book and yes it was 168 pages

you're welcome so a lot of this movie is just Dennis Quaid trying to convince a Dick Cheney surrogate that like the world is ending and this guy just does not want to hear it he's being a real prick is the next scene is

you know we're at the summit and he's giving his findings about like oh my God it's really happening the day after tomorrow is coming what's amazing is during this lecture it's at the UN and a lot of people are raising their hands and asking him questions as if this is

the first ever lecture that's been given on the subject of climate change. They're like, so you say it, wait, wait, wait. So if I understand this right, the ozone layer is depleting and so more rays from the sun are getting in, thus heating up.

This is a thing that's happening? Wait, wait, whoa. What's happening to the earth? Who did that? Al Gore is at the back. well thanks for nothing professor wizard and just like slabs the door if anybody saw my documentary that came out several years prior to this you'd already be informed but thanks for wasting everybody's time dennis quaid that dick cheney surrogate stole the election for me and there would

definitely it would be the day after the day after tomorrow if i was elected president we would certainly have several less conservative Supreme Court judges that's true certainly would and topical yeah there you go and Jim Henson's favorite senator Joe Lieberman would have been vice president oh man Joe Lieberman and video games would be outlawed is it Lieberman yeah yeah yeah yeah Lieberman outlawed video games that guy was a fucking few fries short of a happy meal he didn't exactly swing in the swing in the swing that Florida that's for sure. Nobody was coming out for Joe Lieberman. What do you mean by that?

I really don't mean anything. I just mean that he didn't, he did not bring in the votes, Eric, that he promised. So a few years removed from Donnie Darko, Jake Gyllenhaal's in this movie. It was astounding to me that he still looks like a little kids so much in this movie. No, I was, this is a 17 my ass kind of thing. Like he looks, I don't mean to say that he looks 17, but he looks a lot younger than he does. Oh, yeah. Now he's like a man. He's a big man. He's got a beard now. I'm a man. That's my Jake Jones. Yeah, he's playing, you know, Dennis Quaid's son, junk bonds, which is, you know, it's the classic hook thing, you know, like, where does my bond?

Yeah, right, junk bonds. And, you know, it's the same thing. Like, he promises to take him to the airport. He comes too late. And he's like, dad, you know, oh, you never, you never. come from you, you know, you would, you know, even if the world was ending and I was in New York and you were in Washington, you wouldn't find a way to get to me. If I was stuck in a library and you were doing a weather conference and the world started to end, you wouldn't fucking

find me. Thanks a luck, Dad. He flunks math because he refuses to show his work and gets real indicted about it. And I bought, that bothered me a lot. Because you were one of those people that was desperately trying to cling to any kind of passing math grade. Yeah. Or you'd be sitting next to someone like J. J. Jillen Hall and we're like, why won't he show his work so I can copy it? Why don't want to copy it? But he's not this high horse.

Like, oh, you know, I got all the answers right, man. Because I'm just smarter than the teacher. Okay, dad. And his dad's like, well, great, son. I was like, no, fucking do you do the goddamn assignment. Yeah, because Dennis Quayne is like, oh, well, you're trying to tell me that he just, he flunked you because you're smarter than he is. And he's like, yeah, that's exactly what happened. He's like, well, I'm going to call the school.

And he's just going to take care of it. It's like, you know what, no. Excuse me, school? My son is smarter than all of you. So you give him an A. Did I mention I predicted the end of the world? Which is coming, by the way. You should also run for your lives.

But first, change that grade. Yeah, like, I'm sorry, though. Get off your high horse. If the teacher says you have to show your work, show your work. I'm not impressed that you can just write stuff down. Exactly. Because also, who knows? Maybe you got a copy of the test, and you copy, you know, you memorize all the answers or something.

I don't know. I'm just a school teacher. I got a ton of shit to do. You show your work, kid. Fucking arrogant asshole of this movie. So he's going to an academic decathlon in New York. Yes. And he's going with Emmy Rossum, shameless as Emmy Rossum, and some other kid nobody ever saw again.

I was going to say, The Phantom of... the opera's Emmy Rossum. Oh, yeah, there you go. I think that might have been the only thing I've seen her. I was going to say nothing's Emmy Ross. Oh, Mystic River is Emmy Ross. Oh, that's right. She's in that girl that gets murdered? That's his daughter in there. She's that daughter in there. Yeah, that's his daughter in there. The titular daughter. She played Mystic River at Mystic River. Hi, y'all, on Mystic River. It's a pretty name. It's kind of a hippie-dippy name, but it works. You know, it works for our family. What? I'm getting murdered.

That's a great movie, though. It's a great movie. Vampires. They're on a plane to New York, and the plane actually starts to crash. Like, the wing is peeling back, and they, like, turn Jake Gyllenhaal into this, like, nervous Nelly. And it turns to, like, the sweet moment because, like, the wing is peeling back. There's turbulence. He's holding her hand, and she's like, is this guy trying to make a move?

Like, no, he's actually experiencing death. wow then that that is a turnoff but it seems like this 15 minutes into your movie there's nothing there's no tension here no i know this movie's not about a plane crash yeah i also know from the trailer that at some point jillen hall and these other people will be sitting in a library somewhere like this does nothing for me like you're sitting there you're just like all right so when are you going to pull out of this pilot oh you did it all right well that's over with setting up you know jake jillen hall as this like the aforementioned nervous nellie yeah well you know he's like he's a good kid he's smart he's

beautiful he's gorgeous but he doesn't but he's not good around the ladies and you know and he's got he's got to try to overcome that that's that's sort of his yeah i mean day after tomorrow his storm i mean the most nerds curse is that they look like a 24 year old jillen hall in high school it's an awkward phase i look just like that it was hard as shorthish shit it's i know man it's really really difficult you turn it out his modeling contract it's it's like every day and you just you can't get over it you can't and you just have to you look forward look to the day after tomorrow and think like you know it's going to get better one day one day in the dystopian hellscape that the earth becomes maybe she'll talk to me one person that's not

making it to the day after tomorrow is ian holm in this movie he makes it to the day of This is what I like to call Ian Holm and his band of Who Cares Scientist. This is a group of three people. It's Ian Holm, a guy who likes watching soccer and a guy who's like a newly, you know, he's just become a father. And they're just like at this weather center and you're just looking at them. And you're looking at the way like they're just like these three kind of like little unassuming people. And because I've seen every disaster movie ever, I'm like, well these three are dead neat

put the clock on Ian Holm the second you see him in this movie little hobbity son of a bitch for some reason Dennis Quaid is in India briefly yeah that's where he runs runs into Ian Holm yeah that's right Ian Holmes walking around

going you know we used to own all of this yeah which is why he can hail a taxi really easily and Dennis Quaid can't and then I thought it was very clever of the filmmakers that we go from hailing a cab in India to someone being murdered by hail in Japan weather hail everyone

I forgot about that that's pretty great yeah such weather hail like these are shit's going crazy in Tokyo shit is going and again you're absolutely right and nobody gives shit that is can I just I'm sorry

shit's going crazy in Tokyo is something you would see like if there was some like event in Tokyo of any kind you'd see some dumbass teenager tweet that somebody shit's going crazy in Tokyo. I just tweeted that. Somebody make me an extra

large t-shirt that's pink and has white letters. It's it's going crazy in Tokyo. And I'll wear it. I'll totally wear that t-shirt. We got to get on this merch, guys. We got to make it happen. Yeah, that's just a really... And it's the only scene, I think,

of something like that happening at first. Because, like, they sort of very gently usher in the idea that this big storm's coming. So it's like, yeah, hailing the taxi, and then it's just like, oh, a quiet day in Tokyo. A businessman is coming home from a long day at work. Shung!

Doom! Doon! Doon! And this dude is taken out so violently. Well, you don't know what the movie is yet. So you're like, oh, is this like the Japan story and he's got his own thing? Maybe I'm watching, you know, an Iniritu movie. Yeah, maybe it's Babel.

Maybe it's Babel and he's going to go meet his deaf daughter. Like, I don't know what's going to happen. Maybe he's in the Yakuzza. Maybe. And I'm like, oh, this is cool. It's like, oh, no, that guy's dead. Yeah, no. That shit's dead.

Oh, that shit's dead. Shit is going crazy in Tokyo. So, you know, as they continue to show us like, oh, this weather is not that good. You know, in India, there was also kind of flurries happening. And it's like, whoa, this is really bizarre. Oh, yeah. But also, geese attack New York City. Mm-hmm.

They're landing the plane. They're getting down to New York, going to go on their school trip. And there's all these geese descending upon this. city. Dude, I hope that plane was being piloted by Captain Sully Sullenberger. There's anyone that can go through geese. That guy figured it out. Cuts right through him. Yeah, but

it's a thing where, like, it's all casual New Yorkers, but like the sky is black with geese. Like, you do not, you can't they are blocking out the sun. There's so many geese. And everyone's just like, I got to get to my meeting. And it's like, no, go figure

this. We stop and look at things. Yeah, exactly. No, you don't. Yeah. I've seen movies. You've seen those lip-tard movie. The only time you New Yorkers stop. Yeah.

Is when you see a Spider-Man in trouble. And then you're messing with everyone, you know? Yeah. One of us, you're missing all of us. Other than that. Yeah, we are very protective about our Spider-Man. Yeah. It's Spider-Man and pizzas with you guys.

We banding together and we save Spider-Man whenever he needs our help. Every movie we wind up getting our current. the courage up together. Is this also the part of the movie where like there's a power outage in the city or something and all these like, I don't know if they're cops or security guards or whatever are going through the Central Park Zoo?

Yeah. And it's like they totally like go to one cage and he's like, huh, that's funny. And the guy's like, what? Because they're New Yorkers, right? We choke on every word. Yeah. One guy goes, der!

And the other guy goes, and then the guy, a little traitor, Here it comes in, oh, T-D! You know, we're all just... But this guy's like, oh, look at that. The wolves got out. It's a living. There's no wolves in the Central Park Zoo.

You see the goddamn CGI wolves? Fucking CGL wolves go crazy. Well, you got a bagel or pizza? Pizza on a bagel? Bro, it's both. It's fucking both. I'm a fucking problem with a CGI wolves that they can fit through the boss.

It's so skinny. You know, when pizza's on a bagel, you can eat that anytime. You know, the hell with these CGI wolves, the Mets fans. Go Yikes! CGI wolves, fan of the Mets. Get out of here. The wolves. Hey, somebody opened that fire hydrant.

The wolves are out. These goddamn wolves have a Mets penned up. so it's just so the movie audience knows there's a pack of wolves running wild in the city for some reason which is fine you know whatever there's also something hilarious and it's just Ian Holmes charming accent what he's trying to say is no or what he is saying but in my dumb american ears he's saying nomad boys but he's saying it in the British way so it sounds like nomad boys and I just imagine uh wait what was he trying to say nomad buoys like buoys like their little ocean indicator because basically he wasn't whoa whoa whoa is he in home talking about how it's stern the no baba buoy oh I think he in home just said

baba booie oh baba booby blah folly oh man Vinny this is a good fucking movie it's a good fucking movie well I was imagining Ian Holm being the wrestling manager of a tag team called the nomad boys I was picturing Ian when you said Ian Holm and the Nomad Boys, I was picturing him in like a shitty English like Ricky Jervase era pop band, you know, like Ian Holmes just maybe he's the manager of the Nomad Boys in that sense. Still a manager though, never part of the team. I could pitch you three movies called Ian Holm and the Nomad Boys and they're all better than the day after tomorrow. For instance, you could do like a low budget type of Lawrence of Arabia type of thing. Yeah. Man, I would love to see what a low-budget Lawrence of Arabia looks like. Bend over. I'll show you.

Good God. I'm just saying it might be dry down there. That's all. Oh, that's all you're saying. That's all. Hey, Vinnie. Oh, I just pulled it bend over and I'll show you gang on the hour. This guy's got sand or just crack.

They spent too much time down to go. the biggest one as to like oh the world's changing is there's four tornadoes that hit los angeles and it's yeah and my god if there isn't the line that tornado just took out the hollywood sign shut on it's crazy there are four tornadoes in downtown los angeles destroying everything and you think tommy lee jones was like oh god damn it i got to get back out there get the jackhammer ready and then he swept away That would be the greatest cameo of all time He reprises his role from Volcano

And he's like, well, that doesn't look like a volcano And then gets immediately swept away Jack, check, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack. Just up into the sky. But yeah, you were saying. It's insane because, like, if you think about, and like people are watching this on TV, like Jake Gyllenhaal on his team

or watching it on TV. And like, this is 9-11 times four, man. There's four fucking tornadoes. In a city area that has, like, millions of people there. Thousands upon thousands of people are dying. And everyone's just like, wow, that's a bummer, huh? Like, they're having, like, casual conversation. The apathy is outrageous.

You're totally right. They're all just like, oh, look at that. Hey, can I get some milk for this cereal? Yeah, and like, honestly, like, can you remember a casual conversation that happened anywhere in the country from 912 to 915? because it never happened you were just being like hey remember that fucking tragedy happened and we're still agape about it you're talking about that tragedy

yeah it's it's so stupid and there's like there's people in the street just watching shit and like I think this goes back to I was watching another Roland Demrick movie recently ID4 of course to celebrate the American holiday like we do every year we light off fireworks

and we watch Independence Day and in that movie when all the people are like like when uh when vivica a fox's uh friend there is like oh i'm gonna go up on the roof to greet the aliens and like everyone's having these like welcome aliens parties los angeles huh every one of this movie's having a welcome tornadoes party like everyone just looking like all are here it's great there's a fucking headphones gag in this movie man another like a tornado is tearing this fucking thing apart yeah this guy sand it with his headphones listening to the World Cup, and no one cares.

Oh, man. Now, speaking of the people that's, like, watching this crap, some dude runs out in the middle of the street and tells all these kids like, hey, you get out of there. Don't watch those tornadoes. And then he's like, but now I can't look away. There are tornadoes happening. And his friend calls him.

And his friend's like, hey, yo, you on TV about to die. And he's just like, I know, watch the tornadoes. I can't believe it. At the last second, he's like, oh, I better get into my red. Porsche and drive away. Yeah. Too late. A bus crushes him. He is the producer

of this movie. No? He's the producer of the whatever. Oh, it's the like the local weather station. Or it's the radio. It's the radio station because the guy calls it, he calls him up in the middle of the

night or early in the morning and he's like, I think we're going to have to put out like an extreme weather alert for tornadoes. The guy's like, Ah, fuck, I'm coming in. This guy is actually the Tommy Lee Jones of day after tomorrow. Wait, wait, but he's a Tommy Lee Jones of radio? Yeah, I guess so. I got to see the tornadoes.

And then I'll see about putting out an alert. It's like a weather center type fella, but I guess there's something with the radio involved. He's more the Harvey Firestein station manager. I got to call my mother. Oh, shit. Here it is. I got to call my lawyer. Oh, fuck my lawyer.

there is another weatherman is like reporting in an epicenter in between three tornadoes it's like there's that tornado over there and that tornadoes that way and there's it oh no and he gets murdered in like nine seconds it's a real what the fuck did you think was going to happen and that's one of the best deaths in the movie and we're only 25 minutes in because it gets it goes downhill from here really hardcore I mean what are you tuning in to these disaster movies for, if not, for the hilarious deaths that occur? Well, maybe to see Dennis Quaid's bedroom, which I want to talk about briefly. Oh, please.

Go ahead. If you notice, by his bed, he's just basically sleeping on a mountain of National Geographic. And I'm thinking what everyone else is thinking. He's jerking off to those photos. Bingo. As a 45-year-old man, you should be able to buy your own pornography. No, but it's this way if anyone catches him. Oh, yeah, he's like, I'm a scientist.

I'm an egghead. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's research. The old It's for Research, excuse. It's for all sorts of things. You know, you never know when Antarctica you might come across African breasts. It's a possibility. It's a total possibility. Although, here's a thing.

Are he and Cila Ward divorced in this movie or what? I guess so. They've got to be, right? Is it? Oh, God, the relationship with the sun alone. They're Helen Hunt divorced because they're in different spots of the country, but they're always talking to each other. Right, right, right. Yeah, and it's, you know, she is useless in this movie.

She's just saving a cancer boy, which is useless. Oh, my God. For what this can't, like, in the middle of this movie, this cancer kid shows up, and I'm like, well, great. I mean, it's unnecessary in the film. Because also, you know, this is what I'm talking about again. Like, I know that this kid who's receiving chemotherapy, you know, and they really make him look like raccoon eyes, bald head, like, really bad, you know. It looks like Ian Holm.

Yeah. Or duddits. You know, they're not going to kill this kid in this movie. No, of course not. So, like, when Seale Ward's like, oh, well, I'm going to stay behind in the hospital and pray that an ambulance shows up because this kid can't be moved

by anything other than an ambulance. I'm like, well, that ambulance is showing up, baby. Yeah. It's just a matter of minutes. But he doesn't even have any kind of trial. Like, you know, think, like, gives you a little word something to do. Maybe she has to drive this kid herself. Carry him.

She's just, like, pat, like, cooling his head the entire movie. And it's like, well, who cares? I don't, I don't need to see Seal Award play nursemaid. Okay, I'm here I purchased a ticket for a disaster movie Unless that kid turns into a tornado I don't want to see him Which that's pretty great

Yeah, like that kid, if a tornado Just burst out of that kid's chest He's like, it wasn't cancer It was tornado I toss And his chest just bursts over In a huge tornado country Man, I would be shocked if that would have I think that's how Tornado Man was born in Mega Man

Tornado Man Yeah, I was in one of the later games Yeah, he was like a Mega Man 5 Yeah, they started really running out of ideas He threw tornadoes at you Oh, all right Yeah, it was shitty, but it's Mega Man, it's still great At this point, like, for a while

Dennis Quaid's boss is like, you're an asshole, you're an idiot, you pissed off the vice president, you're going to get us all killed, you know, it's Dick Chady, he's going to have his murdered He's going to have his waterboarded Yeah, you know, and he starts to have a change of heart because literally the world is falling apart.

And like even after the tornado thing in Los Angeles, Dick Cheney's just like, well, that's just a coincidence. It's ridiculous. If we do something about that, it will destabilize the economy. He's worried about the economy and all this. He's like, yeah, if we give you all this money for preventative measures, where do you think that money's coming from?

How do you think this is going to affect the working economy? how is this going to affect the rich amazingly these are still the same arguments that we're having 10 years after this movie was made it never ends man just because toby jones played both carl rove and armanzola in captain america the winter soldier i'm kind of imagining like carl rove downloading himself and do a bunch of computers when like the day after tomorrow's happening that is going to definitely have happen. I would make sure, I don't know how I would do this. I'd team up with the good people at Anonymous. And I would ensure that some horrendous pornography virus went into

the Carl Rove computer system and fucking killed him. He killed him. I thought it was like all I could do is cyber sex now. If it turned him into a cyber sex being? Cybersex strategist. He's another

piece of shit, huh? Excuse me? Carl Rove. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like, fuck that guy. I mean, at this point, it's basically, you're just waiting for the weather to come. Jake Gillen Hall is at the hunkiest fucking math decathlon I've ever seen. It's him, Emmy Rossum, this other kid with glasses who's really good looking.

These are some sexy-ass nerds. Not one fat kid I've seen. You could do laps in these hunk's eyes. They're so dreamy, man. Fucking lose yourself. Swim around in those hunky browns and baby blues. Those blue saucers, man, just take a dip. They're all like, oh, we're so awkward.

Being at high school is the worst. I got to lift weights and read about astrophysics. Jake Gillenhall kind of for like four and a half minutes has a romantic rival in this rich kid from another school kind of a thing. You're like, you know, this kid, it's totally fair. He shows interest in Emmy Rossum as well. Yeah. Kind of a thing. And I'm like, oh, yeah, all right.

Vampires. Talking about vampires. And two guys just fighting for Emmy Rossum's hard. But I'm like, all right, I'll get a little love triangle. Yeah, sure. Let's spice this movie up a little bit. That's cool. Well, no more than 10 minutes later does this hunk come up to Jake Gyllenhaal.

And he's like, hey, Jake Gyllenhaal, why don't you just tell her, you feel man and I'm like fucking fuck you hunk that that's the premiere problem of this movie is not just to tell her how you feel because three minutes earlier they're like this kid's like oh my god my little brother's in philadelphia

i gotta go pick him up there's no contact in philadelphia i don't know what's going on and they're like okay now we're trapped in new york and he he has the fucking balls to go up to shake jillenhall in all of his grief and be like you know what your little high school bullshit crush means more to me than my

dead little brother clutching a school book at the bottom of a fucking ice storm. Yeah, it's, uh, makes no sense. He's doing a lot of like, oh, we can stay at my dad's house. Like he's the super rich, you know, Upper West Side Kid or whatever. Yeah. And they go there and they, yeah, good for him indeed. They go there and they hang out there for a little bit before they transport themselves to the library to hang out some more.

There's just, we're finding all these places to just hang out. Because the storm is starting up now, and we know it's serious, because, oh, my God, Vinnie, did you hear this? Fucking close the Holland Tunnel. Oh, shit. And the Lincoln Tunnel, too. How the fuck am I supposed to get to the Meadowlands? Oh, bro, you hear the Raging game got canceled? Bro, they never close indoor sporting events.

It's ridiculous. I can't believe this is happening. It's the worst day after tomorrow ever. All right, well, I'll talk to you later. I got to go collect garbage. But I collect garbage on the Upper West Side. 90% of people in New York collect garbage. Make and collect garbage.

You either collect garbage. You catch shit. Personally, I'm going to collect garbage. I don't know about you. You make garbage, you collect garbage, or you eat garbage. New York City is a great place to live. You know, they got restaurants and stuff for the rich folks, you know. Sometimes someone will throw out a bagel.

The whole bagel is throw it out. That's just how I eat You throw it in the garbage I throw it in my gullet Oh bro, you think when The continent shift There'll be a land bridge To Staten Island

I wouldn't have to pay That Verizano tall Oh I know what you're talking about $9 bucks That's crazy phiddy It's not even worth To have an easy pass There's no discount

Pasta primavera That's like 10 bucks So at this point Like you know New York Ian Holmes Says a silent prayer and dies he says it's a prayer to be out of the day after tomorrow and is granted his wish well let me

tell you this merry bandel losers are like up in wherever in the arctic circle where this whole thing is like kind of started they're not in the arctic circle they're in england i believe yes no they're in they're in like greenland or something are they yeah yeah sure one because they're just in like the middle of nothing yeah iceberg and uh he's like they're uh what are they gonna they're gonna like burn something or throw something out or whatever and it's like a bottle of scotch and he's like instead of doing whatever you were going to do let's drink

it. Yeah. And it's just these three nothing characters toasting, toasting themselves out of the movie. Because the whole thing with this storm is, you know, it's going to be bringing about this new ice age and Dennis Quaid predicts rightfully that

like the temperature is going to have a severe drop. Like there's going to be like high winds and some snow and whatnot, but it's going to get incredibly cold to the point where, like, unless you're by a heat source, you're going to instantly freeze to death. You know what I call this? Bullshit.

That's a good one, too. But no, no, the DQ Blizzard. The DQ. Dennis Quaid. A lot of flurries, huh? Well, yeah. We're all going to have to take a bite. Yeah, see, I was thinking of the Dairy Queen

Flurry, and I got all excited for ice cream. This is sort of like ice cream, but it kills you. Well, I guess ice cream kills you, too. Another group of losers that have nothing to do in this movie, it's the space station we keep cutting back to you. Oh, man, why are we going to space in this movie? I totally forgot. And it's one of the only times in any movie where there's three characters that have their own plot

and not one of them as a recognizable actor of any kind. No. It's just three stunt doubles floating in a space station. It's like fucking Roland Ammer. three nephews Uie Dewee and Louie just hanging out Yeah and these assholes are so God damn calm about everything up there

Like hey I'm on the space station nothing can ever harm me Yeah but asshole you're not ever coming home That's the thing that they don't address in the movie Because at the beginning they're like Oh hey up there Space Station We're gonna get some inclement weather It looks like you're stuck up there for another six days Yeah right yeah and they're like

Yeah all right whatever But then they don't address the fact that there's no way these guys are going to get at home at least well actually i don't know though because as we learn this like ice age only hits about like middle america well like people are fleeing from texas to mexico at some points well that's the big the big wink at the end of this movie is that all of these americans are bombarding the mexican border could you imagine that what a world huh i think you i think sarah palin would rather put a gun in her mouth that commits suicide I'd then do that.

I'd watch that. Broadcast that on pay-per-view. I'll pay whatever money you want. Oh, yeah. Wow, yeah. It's a real libit-tart episode we're putting up here, huh? You can't help it, but with this plot of this movie. But, you know, it lets us imagine if the shoe was on the other foot.

Yeah, right. How would we react if we wanted to go to Mexico? Well, what's amazing is I think in that end wrap-up of what's going on, on is you hear a newscaster say something to the effect of like in order for Mexico to be cool with this

the United States has agreed to forgive all of Latin America's debt to the United States that's like a thing that's just dropped at the end of the movie like so to make this okay Latin America doesn't owe us money anymore open your doors to us

if I'm Latin America I'm like do you unf better that's like going to prison with somebody that owes you money and you know he's much bigger than you like dude debts resolved no matter what you know like next thing you need to do for me exactly this is the time we need to be calling in our debts you know because like half of your taxpayers are dead at least what you know what it's going on here well that's the problem is the last two acts of this movie is all just dennis quaid getting his ass to fucking new york but

We should speed that up because there's a whole new world order that I'd rather see because America's dead. A new world order? It would have to be, right? Like, power is out. I don't know if power's ever coming back. Right. Well, yeah, you're totally right. I want to see the day after the day after tomorrow and what that is like rebuilding society.

You know what, fuck that. Give me next week. It's the road. We're going towards the road with Vigo Bortons. Oh, man. What a snooze that movie is. I would prefer that would be the road less traveled. Because I don't want to go down that road.

I don't want to go down that road either. I kind of like that movie, though. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but... That's totally fine. Is it? That you like that movie? Yes, because as I say in the show all the time, it's perfectly fun for anybody to like any movie.

So I know all you, tomorrow heads. Just, you know, keep in mind, this is a fun program we do from time to time. They call themselves Dattheads. Huey, Dewey and Louis Emmerich are really going to come after us. but you're right though i mean the whole northern hemisphere is covered in ice like it's not just america no yeah it's the whole northern hemisphere yeah europe too europe's done like the world is different and we don't see any of it because we're just watching jake jillenhall burn books like that's it and just like blow on his hands and look at his watch waiting for dad to come

home let's talk about the book burning because this is some of the dumbest moments like these are some of the dumbest moments in this movie. So there's the librarian who stayed behind in the library. Then there's like some nerdlinger who frequents the library. And then like a younger girl

who's probably like 20 or so. This nerdlinger is maybe like in his 30s. Yeah. And my God, the conversations about what books were burning, how dare you burn any book in the first place. This guy's keeping a Bible. Like,

All of this shit about burning books. Like, it's disgusting. And at the end of it, the nerdlinger and the young girl fall in love. Like, they totally are making fuck eyes at each other over the whole, like, while we live through this ice age. But at least we have their books. There's time now. There's all the time now to read all your books and be romantic in this goddamn disaster movie. God damn libtards.

Not burning their books when they need to burn them. Their books are there to burn. That's what books are four It's made out of paper What I'm made books She made them to burn them Listen If the world is turning

Into the next Ice Age I'm burning Every book around me Yeah I don't care At that point I don't care One around me

FYI Oh yeah totally Books be damn Yeah you got a Kindle anyway I'm gonna kill The weakest one of the bunch Use him to cook up You know, if need be.

Sure. Unless I can, if I can, you know, get out there and kill some of those CGI wolves, roast them up. I'm having a Chris Cabin' Pull Pork Sandwich is what I'm having. A slow cooker, man. Cavsies? Yeah, man. I bet that's delicious. It's got to be.

You eat all his knowledge? What if it was actually like that movie ravenous and you gained the person's like soul or whatever? Oh, then I would not eat Chris Cabins. No, no. So Dennis Quaid makes another appeal to the president who is a George Bush surrogate. He gets Jeff Goldblummed all the way to the White House. So like, you're the only guy that saw this coming. Yeah.

Come on in. Let's talk about it. And he gives this presentation. And at this point, New York is flooded and freezing. You know, L.A. has 17 tornadoes. We don't know what's going on in the middle of America. We don't see any of that. Major cities only.

as always. Well, that's where you think all those tornadoes would be, but that's like, I mean, the whole thing is like you're seeing weather that you normally wouldn't see places. In the wrong spot. And like, there's so much evidence. And this Dick Cheney guy, and it's stupid, because Dick Cheney's smarter than this. Dick Cheney would be like,

oh, okay, it's a national emergency. We have to do something. Yeah. Or my life is threatened. But he's like, no, that's ridiculous. Give me the soul of a baby. This is a subtle political commentary. That's ridiculous. That's stupid. It's so stupid because all you need to do is drop a few nuclear warheads into the heart of the storm.

No, no, trust me on this. This will make things a little warmer. Yeah. Yep. It'll spin the tornado the other way. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Finally, someone gets it.

Reverse the polarity, cross the streams. You've got to do all of it. You can just do some of it. Yeah, you got to inject the warp core for sure. You definitely have to 88 miles per hour. But by the way, in this, we're... Well, they're hiding out in the library. And, you know, New York's flooded now.

There's water everywhere. Oh, yeah, because there's a big sequence where a huge tidal wave just buries everything. Yeah, she's got to help. There's a scene where Jake Gyllenhaal has to help Emmy from a taxi because she's helping tourists. Yeah, she's helping some French tourists because they're the first to fucking go. I'm sorry. If shit goes down in New York City. oh no that that's that's that's that's talking about pulled pork sandwiches

I'm sorry this is the fucking some fucking pulled pork croquettes giving you this straight dope today man it's it's ridiculous she's like oh my god like and it's one of these things where everyone keeps looking back there's a wall of water as tall as the statue of fucking liberty and everyone's running about run 12 steps look back run 12 step it's still coming it's not coming and I'll tell you what the speed at which this This river, this fucking tidal wave is coming down Fifth Avenue compared to the time that they waste puttering around outside of this library does not match up. They'd be dead six times over.

Like you see this thing rushing down the street and you're like, wow, that's coming pretty fast. And like, any Rosamah has time to go, find out what's going on with these tourists. And it's just that this woman doesn't speak English, but she doesn't understand that the guy is. to leave this fucking cab. Yeah, like the guy's like you, the water is like up to the windows. I have to get you out of this car. And the guy's like, she doesn't speak English. She doesn't know what's going on.

I'm like, listen, in this case, this woman would know to get out of the car. She thinks it's a hotel room back here. She's taking a dump. Welcome to America. Speak New York. And then soon after this fucking scene, a goddamn giant boat is floating around Manhattan. Oh, there's just, it's a Russian, like, tug. boat or something. Hey, Vinnie, the Titanic's just arrived.

Well, bitter late than never, says Cheech Marin. You think that boat's got calzone's on it or what? Bro, I opened up this Russian freighter, and inside was six counted, six tons of gob of gold. Oh, man. How about, was there any of them, uh, those, all those babes down at Brighton Beach? Any of them on there? All those rusky babes were inside it.

Bro, I think they were there for the sex trade. The day after tomorrow warped the sex trade operation. Hey, I ain't picky. You ever see that movie, Eastern Promises? That's how it's like, bro. That's how they do it over there. You mean fighting a guy naked in a sauna? No, I mean whatever the fuck Vincent Cassell's up to.

Oh, right. I'm a big New York guy, but I also know who Vincent Cassell is. Just because I shovel garbage and, you know. eat it for a limit doesn't mean I ain't cultured in the areas of art cinema. I know David Cronenberg. You know, those movies get released in New York

before anywhere else. So technically I got the fucking leg up here, all right? Oh man, I saw breathless and film for him last week and borrowed. Is that a good movie? Oh, mercy. So their hold-up it doesn't make sense to be holdup in the library

because it's not even that high of a building. Well, that's the thing. This movie likes to pretend that... Also, there are two issues I take with this. There's skyscrapers everywhere in Midtown. Yes. And they like to pretend that this library is bigger than it is taller than it is.

But also what they're doing in this movie that's flippin infuriating is they keep doing the... Hey, if you're looking for us, we're at the library. Oh, man. You know what New York has like 10,000 library branches. Yeah. We're at the library.

Well, they are in the original, I guess. Just to the Brian Park Library or fucking the Ghostbusters Library, you know? Are you guys in the library from Ghostbusters? Okay, got it. Yeah, and it's full of ghosts now because we're all dead. Yeah, exactly. I'm making more ghosts by killing and then eating people. You better hurry up, dad.

Yeah, exactly. So he talks to his dad. He's like, sweetie, I'll pick you up. in two days. And he's like, okay. And he gets, he starts like packing up. Like, Dennis Quaid has failed, has convinced the president and the vice president to evacuate America. So, right. And he's like, well, I guess the only thing left is to pack up and get my son. And he goes to get his son and his two friends dashed mehawk and J.O. Sanders character acting duo. Oh, that's J.O. Sanders? Yeah, yeah. Wow. They're like, oh, we'll come with you.

or die because I want to go to New York and freeze to death. It's like, oh, what's that team leader Dennis Quaid? You're picking up your dumb son during this thing? Good luck. Yep. See you never again. Yeah, that's impossible. That's like doing a 3.10 in a garbage truck

in the middle of Blizzard. All you make time to have it a blizzard, bro. The funny thing is he probably would have got there faster and not had to spare some lives if he just went by himself.

Exactly. J.O. Sanders falls to his death at this movie. Immediately. Almost immediately. Into a mini mall or into a shopping mall. Yeah, no. Legit shopping mall, man. That seems really inferior. They got everything there. So we're walking over the frozen tundra, which used to be America, right? Think about that shit.

And it's on top of... Fucking lib-tard. They fall in through a mini-mall and like, you know, they're doing like a kind of a, you know, a northern trek. Everyone's connected to each other via rope. Yeah. So, J.O. Sanders cuts away the sled.

And he's like, oh, it's still a little too heavy. And the glass starts to crack. And they're like, oh, no, no, no, hold on. We'll get you. And he's like, no, hero's death for me. This is for Jake Gillen Hall. And he cuts himself free, but you don't see him fall. They cut away, and that's the big problem for me.

It's like, how dare you? I want to hear that thud. Because we see the sled fall. Yeah. And that thing shatter. across an escalator. I would love to see this fella shatter across an escalator.

I want him to go right into a coconuts. You know, like just right and like fucking CDs or stick it out all over him. Or he crashes into a fountain and a bunch of pennies go flying out of it. But you're so right. Like where are the balls

on this disaster movie, man? All I can keep thinking about is a certain someone in volcano melting into, lava exactly and it's a hero's death too you can get away with making it horrific you know like he's just like you know he's he's living it for everybody but what's great though is that that whole time he's like threatening to cut he's trying to like make the decision yeah he's looking up at like the glass that they're standing on's like cracking and he's like should i do this

or not and the whole time dennis quade's like no seriously put that knife away we can figure this out he's like no i think i'm gonna take the hero's way out you know and he's like no no no no please whatever you do don't cut that rope we'll have you saved in like two seconds and he's like no no no you're welcome suicide and it's just like for what like honestly for nothing it's it's a body character you don't see we keep cutting back to seal award and cancer boy she's reading a fucking peter pan and it's like well congratulations this movie's any slower than it was five minutes ago somehow a seal award a good actor, but like, man, is she just doing

nothing in this movie? I could not care less. Like, if you deleted every scene of hers after, like, her and Dennis Quaid get off the phone at the beginning of this movie, it would be fine. It would be like a, I remember, like, Seala Ward played his ex-wife for like two seconds. That was weird. But it would be way better than cutting back

to her and Cancer Boy, just wasting my time. This movie is like two and a half hours long or something like that. They could have peppered this up. a little bit. You know, have Cancer Boy played by, I don't know, the kids in the hall's Bruce McCullum. Give it a little something extra. It's a funny way to go with it. It's just a little something extra. He's a short guy. He can still play a kid. Yeah. I think he had a character similar to this once. I don't know. Hey, I just, uh, I noticed in my notes something stupid

to tack on to how stupid the Ian Holmes storyline is. Right when they're about to freeze to death and die and they're drinking that scotch they do like a toast you know uh huh you're like toast our death he goes they all say one right so it starts with yeah fuck it

they go to England to mankind to Manchester United because this dude's a huge soccer fan so the team everybody hates to to Bilbo Baggins he says to J.R.R. To

To the Hughes Brothers from Hell Now available on home video That movie sucks Ian Holm is in it He may be Jack the Ripper in that movie He may just be I don't remember how that movie ends I think you just said the ending

They all imply that he's the Jack the Ripper Yeah because parts of that are I kind of want to rewatch it to be honest with you I haven't seen that in a long I saw it in theaters and I was a big fan of the book And I remember just being like, oh, really? I didn't know the book. It's a good one.

Oh, there's also. Is that a funny book? The funny book with pictures in it. The funnies. The funnies. Oh, it's funny pages. Yeah, it's the funny pages. So we've got weighed out the movie.

We've also got before they're on there like, did you say wipe out? I'm going to do a belly flop from the fucking statue of liberty. Look out, whales. here I come. Oh, I'm the only man that's ever going to survive the second ice age. Eating cat hot dogs. I think it was...

Keeping myself warm. It wasn't called Wipeout, right? It was Splash or something? No, it was Wipeout? Was it? No, Wipeout is the show where idiots try to run across things and get knocked into water. Oh, they're a celebrity white. They get nerfed out, right?

Yeah, they get, yeah, there's like big nerf things hit them and they fall in the water. Splash was the... Was it spliced? Yeah. Oh, yeah, where Louis Anderson jumps off a building into a glass of water. Yeah, it's him and then a carnival horse. They both do it. Yeah, no, wipeout was, it was hosted by that the dude who used to do talk soup.

Yeah. Joe McHale? No, John Hanson. I'm digging about it now. Like, so Los Angeles is destroyed, right? New York is mostly destroyed. What if at the end, when all things. said and done the day after the day after tomorrow

Louis Anderson is the greatest living actor like what if what if we get down to that thank God I was on vacation in Minnesota when all of Hollywood was wiped out hey wipeouts on I'm rebooting the diehard franchise next week right when I'm

done playing Lincoln Louis Anderson in a bunch of Spielberg's Lincoln four score and seven beers ago We've got to get this amendment through. Oh, man. I guess I have to be Ray Charles in this biopic.

Georgia. Georgia. I don't know the word. I'll practice. And the Academy Award for Best Actor goes to Louis Anderson for all of the movies he's ever done this year. as he's our only living actor. Please welcome Louis Anderson to the stage. Louis, would you like to come on down, please?

You're the only man in the audience. I drink your milkshake. I drink all of them in the whole milkshake shop. Louis Anderson remakes of Oscar-winning movies might be my new favorite thing a little time. I need kids to work in my phone. factory they got the little arms they get into the machines come on you gotta give me the kids oh shit i have to do gi jo retaliation next week and i have to play all the characters let's go joe's okay joe i'm gonna get you joe my favorite movie that i've done so far is blue

is the warmest color. It's me playing two lesbian teenagers. Wait, who am I talking to? Oh, my God. Louis Anderson and blue is the warmest color. I just threw up inside. So we're still waiting at this library, huh? Yeah, I mean, it's on his way, Andrew.

This is something we neglected to mention. A little detail back when Emmy Rossum was saving those useless tourists. She cuts herself on the bumper of the cab. Oh, yeah. So now, flash forward to where we are in the film, she's got sepsis is kicking in, good old-fashioned sepsis, which we diagnose

Oh, shut up. The librarian just reading symptoms from a book, which it's like, oh, aren't you glad we didn't burn all these books? Knowledge is power. So then they get they're like, well, if we don't have any antibiotics, she's going to die. And

Jake Gyllenhauls, like, well, there's a boat. Chances are on that boat, there's going to be exactly what we need. Yeah, on this shitty Russian freighter. Yeah, on an automated freighter, maybe. That's frozen in Midtown Manhattan. Just maybe there's a usable first aid kit on there that has penicillin and whatever the god else we need. There probably won't be that, but there's definitely going to be some CGI wolves.

Woo! Yeah, somebody says at the audience who still woke up. These wolves, man, are just trotting around this thing. And it's Jake Gyllenhaal and his two friends, the hunk and his nerdy friend. They're like, okay, we're all going to go together because we're literally bored out of our skulls being in this library for three days. And I'd love to stretch my legs. And then run afoul of the wolves and the hunky character who is no longer a romantic rival. You know, he's a good guy.

He gets bitten by a wolf but doesn't die. Like, again, like, he needs to get fucking. like raped by four wolves. The whole like that's what I need to see. The whole pack of him just eats this guy alive. He sacrifices himself so Jake Jalenhall

and the nerd can get through the door. Or at very least, he turns into a werewolf. Because you know why? It's like, oh, Dennis Craig could be like, oh, this storm is changing the way the world works. Magic is coming back. It's sort of like Game of Thrones with the dragons. you know it's like oh now magic's back in the world winter is coming see yep boom yep you're right

with with the coming winter comes you know the rise of magic yeah magics it would exactly like sort of like mangus too so my favorite character on game of thrones to play was caldrago I also had to play Calisi That was fun to shoot If you know what I mean Hey guys You can't see it

But I'm winking They wrote her I can't even do with this impression They wrote her aged up a little bit But I still played her like Like she was in the books It's a 13-year-old. It's how I envisioned what Caldroga was doing.

I need motivation for both of my characters. I won 41 Emmys last year. I also wrote Breaking Bad. Hey, guys, in this post-apocalyptic society, where I'm the only creative figure, I brought back all my favorite shows. Breaking Band, Life with Louie. I got another job for your Uncle Jack.

Everybody's back from the dead. Welcome back, Tuko. I was also a big fan of Roseanne. Now I'm playing Roseanne. Dan. This fall on NBC, Louis Anderson does whatever he wants from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. And then the local news, like the chair spins and you think it's somebody else. And it's Louis Anderson again.

That's all the news for tonight. Stay tuned for the Tonight Show, starring me. Give me a few minutes to get over to the other studio and get everything set up. The suicide rate would be through the roof. Like, honestly, skyrocket. It wouldn't be the lack of food. It would be the lack of entertainment sustenance. Welcome to Late Night with Louis Anderson.

And now, last call with Louis Anderson. He would still have to stay up for last call. Oh, that shows never getting canceled. Hey, guys, I want to tell you about the magic bullet. You can make all kinds of smoothies. It's four in the morning. Oh, no. Here ends our broadcast day, but I'm not going to sleep. Beep.

I would kill myself within the first week. The Today Show at 4.30 in the morning or whatever. Oh, man. And then he keeps losing all this weight, right? Because he's working so much. And he loses all of his charm. And, wow. And you're right.

And that's when he loses America. That's when people turn it. They tune out. They're like, yeah, he's not fat anymore. Turn it off. He's worked himself down to being horrendously, dangerously skinny. I don't know. So the kid doesn't die of be a wolf.

Who cares? No, doesn't even have the courtesy to turn into a goddamn werewolf. Just gets back inside safely. Everyone gets back inside safely. We don't even see Emmy Rossum take the medicine or get better. No. You're totally right. She just like gets up towards the end of the movie when Dennis Quaid comes to pick

everybody up in the minivan. Also, when they're running away from the wolves to get back into the library, they're also running away from the personification of cold. Oh, my God. They outrun cold in this movie. It's like Sam Ramey's Evil Dead. You know, like that's like all the cold is chasing them. We see the Empire State Building get even colder.

It just cracks up a little bit. It's like, oh my God, it's even colder out there. They run into like, they all go into like one room. room in the library where there's this huge this huge medieval fireplace that I'm sure is in the New York Public Library and they're all

hiding in this room they're throwing whatever books at this point because the cold's coming it's the cold snap and you see the door freeze and the cold like comes through the cracks like ah ah here I come it's so stupid and they're like right they're like oh you have to keep the fire on

like if it's if the cold is that intense that it's like actually chasing you you're all dead you're so i don't care what fire you have what james joyce volume you're burning you're all moitered there's a hilarious thing where you learn about this cold snap that's you know gonna hit our characters eventually it's like kind of around the time it's hit an ian home which also you don't see those fuckers die no they toast and that's the last time you see them but there's a couple of helicopters that run into this cold snap and the choppers freeze midair and crash and this guy gets out like now what's going on

around here and you see this human being like instantly freeze and I was like can that start happening for like the whole movie yeah is this going to happen to more people oh oh what's that it's just that one guy oh great great also uh I don't know if you mentioned it but they were there was a a group of dissenters in the New York public library that's like hey no we're gonna go outside we're going to go we're going to walk with everyone else for safety oh man I think nuzio's so but let's go get a slice and everyone puts the coats on and leaves. Jake Gyllenhaal has to give this big speech about like, now

if you go out there, my dad says you're going to die. My dad's coming and he says you're all going to die if you leave. And they're like, yeah, who the fuck is this kid? And he's like, my dad created this kind of. Get out of you snotton those 28 year old and they shove him. And

they go and die almost instantly. Yeah, yeah. We get a nice shot of the cop that was in the party frozen to death. So that That's good. But you don't see it transform, though. That's, I like the transformation of the instant freeze.

I would like, yeah, some transformers for sure, definitely. I would like, you know that movie The Last Winter when it's a harm, it's like an ecological horror movie? Oh, it's a Ron Perlman? Yeah, it's not better than this one, but I mean, it is, it is, no, it is better than this movie, by a lot, but, uh, there's, there's dinosaur ghosts that come. Wait, shut up. I'm serious. I mean, like, they don't, it's not as cheesy as it sounds, unfortunately. They kind of take the high road, which is kind of a problem for me. Damn it. Hold on a second. There's a blizzard. The earth freezes. Yeah.

And then the ghosts of dinosaurs arise from the crypts. Dinosaurs, mastodons, like. Are they coming out of the fucking gas tanks? Well, no, it's, they're in Antarctica and they're like, oh, my God, the planet is revolting against us. It hates us for what we've done to it. Right. And I think there's primal things happening. Dinosaur ghosts. Sounds like I need to watch this with an ice cold glass of water. Is this a fucking Scientology movie? I feel like if there's one person who's not putting up with Scientology, it's Ron Perlman.

He fucking punches Scientology in its face. So whatever, Dennis Quaid makes it to the library. He does. With no incident. After J.O. Sanders commits suicide for no reason. And everything's gravy. He pitches a tent with that other guy. Him and Dash Meehawk, like, they're like, the snap happens.

And he's like, you know, Meehawks like, you know, we've got to wait this out for a couple of days. And then Dennis Quaid's like, well, I don't think he has a couple of days. And like, Meehawk is just like, should just be like, I don't give a fuck. We may be the last two people alive on earth. Yeah, you know what? I'm pitching this tent and I'm going to have a good night's sleep. Yeah, exactly. Eat shit, you and your dumb genius child.

I know it's my. fault for even agreeing to come on this bullshit trip, but we are taking one for mehawk today. Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? Keep walking. Yeah, exactly. The tents in my bag. Keep walking. So, by the way,

it's now sub-Arctic. It's like negative 98 degrees. Yeah, it's bad. But don't worry, we've had a thin, like, vinyl sheets protecting us from the elements. We're fine. Oh, and by the way, I also lugged my giant goddamn phone that I can talk to the

astronauts in outer space with he makes a phone call to astronauts yeah yeah he does right yeah he's got like a weird GPS thing yeah and he's like hey astronauts how's it going up there and they're like fine man we got fucking a hundred years worth of tang

yeah man when do those guys go mad do you think that's a very real thing man oh yeah I want to see like that that's cool like you keep checking back up with these who cares astronauts that somebody's just holding somebody else's Oh yeah, fucking event horizon comes to fruition.

Like, fucking hell in space is happening. Like, they've lost their minds to such a degree. It's just blood and guts everywhere and chains for some reason. I feel, you just remind me of something funny. Because I recently finished watching the entire Hellraiser filmography, which if you want to talk about wastes of time, put that up there. There's like, what, 1.4 usable hours? and that entire thing. Oh, we should do a fan master cut.

But you just reminded me of the idea that in a lot of these sequels, they're just shitty scripts for like horror thrillers, that they were like, yeah, we can stick Centi Bites in this. And they just make them Hellraiser movies, right? I was thinking, do you think if Event Horizon didn't find enough funding, they would have just made it a Hellraiser movie? Like, because you put pinhead in that movie. Oh, it makes perfect.

It's a hellraiser. I mean, easy fix. Sam Neal kind of turns into pinhead at the end of that movie. Yeah. Doesn't he like have his skins all ripped off or something? Yeah, yeah. That's Paul W.S. Anderson, right?

It is. That's his best movie. Yeah. I actually kind of enjoyed it. I don't know if I like that or Mortal Kombat better. Oh, that's a good question. That's fucking Sophie's choice. Starring me, Louis Anderson.

I'm remaking the old one. because all the film canisters froze. I got to go back and do everything now. Oh, no. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. And by my dear, I mean my cat. That's the only co-stars he would ever have would be cats. And here's my cast of characters.

Cats and dogs. The creepiest line in this movie is uttered when Dennis Quaid gets to this library. So, like, he gets there, and they're all sleeping, like, all the survivors. So, like, nerdlingers with, like, that young lady, and they're, like, keeping each other warm, you know? If you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. And then, like, I mean, we don't even see that shit happened, by the way. No, why not?

What are you saying? I was saying they were getting down to some fucking in the library. Oh, yeah, dude. You got a body heat, number one. Exactly. There is a good body heat scene, but it doesn't go anywhere. Oh, that's right, where she's like, I'm going to press up against you and we're going to hug and he's definitely got a Jake Gyllenhaal nerd boner. And she's just like, you know, this way, yeah, it's disgusting.

It's small. You're a nerd, right? That's what happened. This is her saying that to him? Yeah, and then he'd be like, it's cold. But so, like, Dennis Quaid's looking around. He's like, God, I sure hope my son isn't dead. And he's got this flashlight.

And the flashlight comes on Jake Gyllenhaal. and like he comes on Jake Gyllenhaal. Yes. It comes upon Jake Gyllenhaal. That didn't really make it better. No, I was going to say. And so he wakes up and Jake Gyllenhaal just goes, like he sees that it's in his quaid and he goes, hi father. I'm like, wait, did you get turned into a pod person?

I'm a man now. I have had intercourse. I had sex with this girl who has blood poisoning. Now I've dick poisoning. Well, that's the funny. I don't think you can contract sepsis sexually. For whatever reason, no one grows beards in this movie, like, especially

Jake Jalenall because they want to make him look like a 17 year old kid, but like... How many days are passing, though? The day, the day after tomorrow... So, to be at least... I think they're going to say seven to ten days, because they said the storm is going to last seven to ten days. Oh, oh, you're right, right, right, right.

There definitely would be rampant cannibalism then. Absolutely. I... Rats. What a missed opportunity all around. They would eat, they would eat in those first. Yeah, you start eating those subway rats. That's good eating.

Like in a demolition man. So, you know, at this point, we're all in Mexico. Not everybody, just the, oh, by the way, one of the things that happens off screen is the president dies. The president's like trying to wait out the storm and then it's like, Mr. President, we really have to shag some ass here. Mr. President, you're dead. You're dead with me. You see him like getting a helicopter. And then the lady who's like the secretary of defense walks in.

Dick Cheney, of course, is already in Mexico. First one there. So we just own Mexico now? Oh, yeah. Did you just plant that flag? That's all I have to do. And she's like, sir, um, so you're the president now. He's like, oh, well, the president didn't get out in time and his kid.

caravan frozen instantly. So you're, uh, you're, uh, you're, uh, you're the president now is what I'm saying. I was like, well, gosh, golly, that's great news. So he in, he, in, he, so now it's under NAFTA and we have the Amero, I'm imagining. That's the, that's the currency. Oh, we combine the United States, Mexico and Canada. Well, Canada's got to be done for. Yeah. And, and you know what, shitty ass Hollywood movie not one mention of our friends

to the north and what their situation is there might as well not even be a country there they're like oh America's

going to get slobred they're going to get slobred by this storm I think I meant to say clobbered but it was

I like slobored it's like it's like a the dog of winter comes you know man like it's this big

the shaggy storm comes and slobbers you up but Dick Cheney learns a little lesson from this whole thing, you know? And like, he gives this big speech. It's like, you know, we're all, we all learned a little lessened in humility. And by that, I mean, two-thirds of the country is

dead. It's mostly because years ago I didn't listen to this scientist who turned out to be 100% right on everything he told me. Well, you know, Harvard and made bank, so whatever. For some reason, the American system of government still exists, even though he's doing it from a Mexican embassy. it's like, dude, like, it's anarchy. It's the purge anarchy out there, okay? Best case scenario. It's all happening.

Yeah, and so he gives his speech and then, like, the, Dennis Quaid's boss is like, oh my God, Dennis Quaid is stuck in New York, and Dick Cheney's like, well, I better fucking dispatch nine helicopters to get six people, which these helicopters

must have, what, one-tenth of the world's energy supply at this point? Like, there's nothing left. Like, I'm sorry that New York is closed for business. Yeah, we're closed. You know what? It's the city that never sleeps until the ice age comes. Then we're closed for a couple of days.

And he gives this speech and he's given the speech. And I even dispatched some helicopters because some really nice guy stuck in New York. If I was watching this somehow, you know, eating my father, I'd be like, what the fuck? What's I did helicopters for white people? You know, like, I'd be so mad. What I love, too, is so they pick up Jake Gyllenhaal and company, and, you know, they're helicopters. So you're fitting, like, five people in there. Yeah.

And they're flying by Manhattan. He's getting, like, one last look. And there's all these people on rooftops. And, like, sometimes helicopters are coming down for them. Yeah, not all the time. Nah, you're just kind of up there for no reason, like a jerk. And we did not bring enough fuel for two trips. I'll tell you that much.

Yep. So I hope you liked looking at the. this helicopter. Oh, Maron, Vinny, I'm the mayor now, I guess. Bro, that's fucked up. I would have voted for you anyway, though. All those fucking waspy scientists get the first helicopter. It's fucked up, bro. Us natives got to stay here. We're going to be eating the garbage of the old worlds. And not shockingly, those astronauts are in space forever. Oh, yeah. They're the last characters we see in the movie.

They're kind of our chorus everybody. Yeah. And they tell everyone like, oh my God, the storm is gone forever. Have you ever seen the earth so blue? Oh, yeah. And then it's, it's the computer image from the earth that

Apple uses with iPhones. Like when you initially get an iPhone and there's like the picture of the globe. It's that exact picture. How did that work? Did Apple get it from the day after tomorrow or vice versa? I think it's like someone made it. just gets licensed.

I think Roland Emmerich just held up his phone. Oh, wait, this was 2004. So, wait, did it exist? I don't know. That's up to you, listener. I can't help. Is this, I mean, because that's the end of the movie. Yeah, it's terrible and dull.

Is this Roland Emmerich's dullest movie? I didn't see that 10,000 BC. Oh, I didn't see that either. At least there's like, I don't know, Sabretooth Tigers doing shit in there. It's got to be more exciting than that. this. This was a total snooze fest. It's a total snooze fest. And like, I'm sorry, keep your, you're beating me over the face messages out of my dumb summer blockbuss. Yeah, I agree. Even if we

personally think, hey, you know, maybe we should give a shit about the environment. Don't fucking shove it down my throat when I'm shoving popcorn down there already. There's not room for both and I'm going to keep eating this popcorn. Especially when you make a bad movie. It just actually who weakens everyone's position. Yes, that's exactly right. What's this pamphlet about global warming? Isn't that that bad movie? Fuck that.

Garbage. It's like getting a pamphlet, you know, in the rare case that someone actually takes a pamphlet from someone else, which is never. But if it were to happen, and the first thing you notice on the pamphlet is that there's like a gigantic spelling error.

You're just like, well, this is a fucking waste of time. Because the people who made it are idiots. And that's just what this is. And then you're making it again with 2012, but that's like more the Mayan prophecy than anything else. That movie's a real stink fest too. But in that movie, they have the audacity to be like, well, we've been planning for this for a long time

because the Mayans told us. So we've built all of these super ships that people are going to live on. At least that's something. You know, there's some sci-fi element to it. This is like grounded in boring bullshit. Well, it's not even reality. It's grounded in like boring fantasy. You know what I mean?

It's like, what if we had to, Walk across America. To a library. And it was really cold out that day. Walk across America. No. That's him and Forrest Gump, right? I'm going to do.

Maybe I'll just cut that part from the story. What's this about a box of chocolates? More about that. The whole movie's about the chocolates now. Forget the Vietnam War. I'm just eating more chocolate. And then I play the Elvis cameo. Remember Elvis is in Forisco.

Yes, sir. I think he said he has to go pee. And now I'm Kennedy. Get it? Oh, my God. Louis Anderson and JFK. Back into the left. Guys, come on.

It's back into the left. How can you not see this? it's not a conspiracy it's real it's physics i like playing the wayne night part because the pants fit the best i love wait i love the idea that he's just using all of the same costume you would have to right i got a wiggle into kevin costner's suit now that's a conspiracy theory What?

Oh, man. That's the day after tomorrow from Roland Emmerich, 2004. What a disaster movie and not in the way I wanted it to be. Yeah. If you want to get a hold of us, check out. No recommends, by the way. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just so done with it.

Just so done with this movie. No, I'm sorry, but no one is recommending. No. No, no, no. If you want to watch Roland Emmerich, movie watch Independence Day. I would say Volcano is a better, a much better, more watchable.

If you want to see L.A. get lit up. Yeah, it's going to get lit up good. I mean, there's a ton of good. I mean, I like a good disaster. I like shit falling into each other. It's smashing, crashing. Absolutely. It just, none of that happens, or it happens, and then we go to a library.

The last place I want to be when I'm at the movies is at the library. We could talk about books and the merits of one book over another and which one should be burned. That's a debate for a Twilight Zone episode, I feel. That's not here. No. No, that's not.

Keep that out of the picture house. If you want to get a hold of us and find out more information about the show, check out WHMpodcast.com. Join the conversation online. We're talking to you on Twitter at WHM podcast and on our Facebook page, facebook.com slash we hate movies. into the mailbag we all hate movies at gmail.com we have july's mailbag episode right around the corner so stay tuned for that as well rate review the show in iTunes or wherever you get it wherever you subscribe and download we would greatly appreciate it a blame it on outer space eric's conspiracy theory takedown show is going strong biweekly what uh what's coming out on

blame on outer space well we got a really exciting episode on their little program coming out on The topic is crop circles. Oh, shit. Very popular topic. And we actually have, this is, I'm really stoked for this, a celebrity guest. Oh, wow. Yeah, I don't know if we should say who or not, but it's really exciting. I think you should keep people in suspense.

Yeah. This is one not to miss, folks. There you go. So it's not Louis Anderson. I'm busy. I've got so many movies to make you guys. I'm wrapped up in production on my new Casablanca. He is looking at you, Skid.

Oh, cut. And that's just in the movie. I got so much to do. I only got one day. He's also the editor. I don't have to write. Find out who the big celebrity guest is. Blame on Outerspace.com at BlameSpacepot on Outerspace.

On Twitter. And join their Facebook Manson family. Facebook.com slash Blame it on Outerspace. Clue for next week's episode. I will say it's a sequel to an action movie Ooh, good call sequel to an action movie So until next week

When we crack that code I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Say that Eric Siska Take it easy