We Hate Movies - S4 Ep168: TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze

Episode Date: July 29, 2014

On the WHM Summer Finale, the #SBE2014 comes to an end when the gang chats about the incredibly annoying and sadly family friendly Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze! Why didn't they put Bebop and Rocksteady in this movie? Is Splinter chasing the dragon through this whole thing? And what is with no one at the Vanilla Ice warehouse concert being terrified by a group of fighting monsters? PLUS: They're BABIES! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze stars Paige Turco, David Warner, Ernie Reyes Jr., François Chau and Kevin Nash; directed by Michael Pressman. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Steven Seda. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in to our fine program. If you're new to the podcast, you're catching us at the very last episode of our 2014 summer blockbuster extravaganza. Once again, if you are talking about it on social media, hashtag SBE 2014, and this is also the summer finale of We Hate Movies. It's our pizza party. We're having a pizza party to close out the season. We're talking about Teenage Mutual. Ninja Turtles 2

The Secret of the Ouse from 1994? No, 91. 91, excuse me. Directed by Michael Pressman. Let's just say up front, it's okay to like this movie. Yes. We're not trying to hurt your feelings.

And we're just having fun with the turtles. Yeah. We're just, you know, we're just kicking around an old movie a little bit. Let's have fun with it, guys. Let's not take it. It's not serious. It's not for series.

Wait, you don't take ooze seriously? You better take those seriously. Where are you coming from, pal? It's a secret for a reason. I want to start the episode this way, and I'm curious, because I have this kind of little sociological theory, like, you know, older, better generations than us had, like, you know, which beetle are you that kind of influences what your personality is?

But we're in a garbage world. So I have to ask which Ninja Turtle did you side with? Like, as a kid, who was your turtle? Oh, I was Raphael. Raphael every time. In the games, I always played as Raphael. I was too. I was Raphael too. That's probably why I'm so moody. Sarkastic. You're just such a bitch. I was a Donatello. See, that fits too. You fancied yourself a smart aleck, did you? Yeah. And I just like the fact that he was just beating people up with a stick.

I always preferred the bow, the bow stick versus the size. I like the bow, but I like Ralph's attitude. Clearly. Red also contrasts well with the green skin. What was yours, by? Michelangelo, because I want everybody to like me. So, like, that's, that's, that fits all the way. You fucking walking cry for help. It had, oh, man, what a party, dude.

It had absolutely nothing to do with your love for pepperoni. All of them loved pepperoni, Chris, and all of us love pepperoni, clearly. But, yeah, you know, you want to hang out with Michelangelo until a little bit after midnight. then it's just like all the problem comes out it's funny though you rarely find someone who says Leonardo because you know why that person's an asshole my brother was a big Leonardo was he really your brother's not an asshole but I mean it's usually like you know like I'm the I'm the strong leadership responsible yeah the weight of the world is on me here guys yeah fucking pussy all the raff it's coming out of me yeah that's the thing all those Leonardo's went to wall

wall street man they went to rule the world all those rafts host a fucking podcast out of their living room that really sums it up perfectly you a failed inventor how does that work you're fucking up my theory here event help no i i like to tinkering in the garage yeah there you guys he he he dabbles in fixing things um so i don't know how many people in our listenership remember this movie too well I had not seen this we drunkenly tried to watch this movie

like five years ago and that was a shit show so I technically didn't remember it from then and before I mean I hadn't seen this movie in ages I have found really no reason to revisit these Ninja Turtles films except for that first one which I've watched a couple of times

and as I stated on a previous episode recently was not as blown away by that first one as I remembered Well, that's, that night that I was there, too, when we tried to rewatch this thing. The problem was that we watched the first one, we got so bored, we fell asleep. Yeah. And we tried to wake up for the second one. It just didn't happen.

You know, I rewatched the first one about four months ago. It's a pretty good movie. It's not a great movie. It's not Tim Burton's Batman, everybody, all right? Let's all just put our rocks down. I agree with Steve there. Yeah, I think it sort of holds up. I think it's, I agree with Steve.

It's not Tim Burton's Batman. I mean, it's got good Elias Codius, you know, like... There's great parts of that movie really weird. And doing a voice. This is Corey Feldman is doing the third one, too. Oh, does he really? He comes back. Because he's not in this one.

Yeah, he's not in this one. The third one, honestly, is actually the only one that I never saw as a kid. And I didn't see until, like, a few years ago. And I was like, oh, it is one of the... Listen, it was full disclosure to the audience. We had planned on doing part three. But it was my fault. because I mentioned on an earlier episode that part two was the stay tuned.

Right. So that's why we're here talking about secret news. So if you're complaining, please note that we're doing this episode by mistake. It was all our slip-ups. Yeah, it was going to be the worse one. But we'll do that down the line, I'm sure. I mean, look, we're about to spend a good amount of time making fun of this movie and poking holes in it. But I had more fun watching this one than I did watching that first.

one. I absolutely agree. Let me tell you something. You try to dramatize a fucking turtle healing in a bathtub in a in a in a fucking farmhouse.

Get out of town. Get him some food. Raff wants some food. Oh, oh, please. It's people. It's people in puppet suits trying to act all dramatic

brotherly love horseshit. It's grounded, man. It's the real fucking world, man. We took the turtles and we put them into the real world, man. It's not fucking days

of heaven. There's a talking rat who has wisdom for everybody. It could have been days of heaven. No, it could not. It really couldn't. Listen, maybe the new movie's going to be Days of Heaven, Chris, and then you're going to fucking chuck on it. I'll have a big word pie then, but... No, that new one's going to be fucking

9-11 part 10. Hold on, everybody. Have you seen that preview is just buildings falling over? Oh, okay. I thought you meant like it was going to be as damaging to our culture as 9-11. No, I would never say something so crows. The world changed. Yeah, August 8th

comes and goes and it's a different America because Ninja Turtles came up. No, I just mean it's following the trend of, we're just knocking buildings down. You know what none of these movies do? Knock over buildings. Because they're just fucking karate fighting, dude. Like, that's what I want to see.

And honestly, I'll give these movies credit, you know, despite your farmhouse. Most of these settings are like construction sites, scrapyards, garbage dumps, you know places where i want to watch no house 42nd street porno house raff is in that fucking trench coat

oh yeah he's getting something what the fuck do you think he's doing yeah he's looking to get a fucking hey jay from somebody down in time square it's a little slice of loving yeah afterwards he goes to central park yeah the little night casey jones is rolling around with some people that night he traded his pizza pie for gonorrhea. There's two reasons to go to Central Park

after dark. To get jerked off or to jerk somebody off. Oh, third. Or get murdered. Yeah, murder. Yeah, suicide. In Dinkins, New York. Yeah, in Dinkins era, New York. That's what I got rid of those fucking digit turtles, guys. First things, first the prostitutes, second thing, second, the Ninja turtles.

These turtles are just a menace to orthophiles. We got to get them out of here. Put him on a tugboat with all the prostitutes. Send him out to Staten Island. It'll be an overnight sensation. I'm going to string up Casey Jones in Battery Park. Or public hanging. Maybe that's why he's not in this movie who's publicly hung.

Well, I think, I think honestly, though, Casey Jones took the rap for Ninja Turtles 1. You think that's what happened? And that's why they don't talk about him. Casey Jones got sued by the city, like Ghostbusters. He was in Rikers, dude. Yeah, he is. He's honing his skills. He's not in there with them.

They're in there with him. That's how it works. Well, then if that's so, I want some like Loki-esque cutaways in the second movie. Yeah. To him pacing around and he's wonderful cell. Clanking. His hockey stick against the bars. Not hockey stick.

A fucking cup. They're not going to let him have a hockey stick. He had a, didn't he have like a cricket bat too? He had a couple of things. Cricket bat, a field hockey stick. Baseball bat. Yeah, this guy was at a sports league in Sunday. Park that just took it too far, right?

That's what happened with this guy. But he is the best part of that first movie and the first thing you notice about this second one, which we should get to, is it's just no Casey Jones. He's replaced by fucking Ernie Reyes Jr. The intermittent

Ernie Reyes Jr. This character is in and out of this movie. Was he busy? Like, I'm sorry to bother you, Ernie. You want to be in the movie or what? I don't know. I think he was busy doing stunts as other characters. Because he was a stunt guy on the first movie or something And they just loved his attitude so much

They made this keynote character He's named after the worst game in Vegas Keno Well he I mean so I mean First things first we get a pizza montage Well we get I'm sorry wait a second I have to start this whole thing

With the biggest I want to give this movie the middle finger Because how dare you Start this shitty Ninja Turtle sequel With in loving memory of Jim Henson. I like it. And then you fade right to the

World Trade Center. I found it really eerie all together. They're both gone. Well, I mean, it's just that these are not impressive puppets. Like, I'm sorry. The Toka and Razar Oh, those are garbage. The dog one, it is garbage.

And then here's Jim Henson getting his beautiful name sloon all over this movie. The turtle puppets are good, and they were technical marvels of their time the fact that you're moving around they're blinking they're smiling they're quipping

boy howdy are they quippin you know honestly I think like it looks better than the the CGI in the previews for the upcoming one I would rather jacked like to no end there's be lipped turtles why does a turtle have lips? Ew

figure it out well what do you what do you think man's the porno theater going to Central Park after dark I guess. But yeah, they must not be eating pizza anymore or like they're just lifting weights all day. What is the

over under and this new movie someone's making a fucking gluten-free crust comment? Because I'll cut my own throat to the theater. I think it's a really high probability. There's just going to be somewhat oh man, better not be gluten-free cross. No,

it's yeah, it's going to be, well, don't worry, these turtles will hawk. Like all turtles before them, they will hawk. Guarantee you, we're going to be sponsored by Dominoes again. Maybe they're talking about the Palmetto diet, though. They might also be talking about that

and how they're trying to get more protein. The turtles never were too busy to talk to you about Pepsi. That's for sure. No, that's true. Although, if the turtles in this movie are talking about being paleo, I'm going to burn the movie theater down. Well, no, they're probably going to be talking about

their fucking Verizon service underneath the fucking... Oh, someone's got a cell. One's got a cell phone guaranteed. Someone's taking a selfie. You know what? I'll say this. Someone's got a cell phone and it works in the subway system for no reason. Yeah.

Deep in the bowels of New York City, perfect reception. So many movies do that, right? Like taking a poem one, two, three with John Travolta. Yeah. Everybody's just using cell phones. They're in computers and whatever. Come on. Come on.

All right. So my Jim Henson defense. And then we cut to Roy's pizza. Oh, man. Motherfucker. Like, really? Come on down to famous Roy's.

And this is this is probably the part of the movie I hate the most because again, it's all New Yorkers. It's just like we're talking about a couple weeks ago. It's the same thing,

but we're all shoving a pizza pie in our mouths. And it's all extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra extra cheese. It's disgusting. A mutant slice of fucking pizza. No, I'll tell you what,

man, during this summer when this movie takes place, the thick crust slice pizza took New York by storm this is all fucking like frozen de journo shit this is it doesn't I mean it doesn't look like real pizza

it doesn't it's prop pizza the slices are huge you can get big slices like that here a big slice is a thing but I mean it's just dripping cheese and it makes it look like how they drew the pizza in the cartoon where it's just falling it looks like pudding

it's like pudding it's like pudding falling off of a slice of pizza is like how they're eating the cheese. And there's fucking everybody's doing it too. The cops have arrested some a guy's handcuffed to a cop and everybody's eating pizza. Handsome cab drivers are eating pizza.

The horse eating pizza. Ugly cab drivers are eating pizza. I got a question. We're four turtles living with a rat. We're eating pizza every night. In a sewer. Am I just going out to the ravine and having diarrhea, or do I have, like, is there a bathroom there? I think your bed is your bathroom.

You live in filth. In the sewer. And then, no. Splinter's just eating this shit. No. Yeah, that's what he lives on. Splinter would not stand for any of this. Can you imagine, like, my sons, you have to stop shitting in the house.

Like, no, they're going out. There's like a hidden hallway, you know. We may look like animals, but we cannot live. live like animals. Exactly. There's a part of the sewer where they all go to have horrendous, famous Roy's pizza diarrhea.

I mean, they would have to. And like, Donatello's lactose intolerant, but he still loves pizza that much. And what else is he going to eat? That's all he's been raised on. That's why he hangs back and invents things.

But how are they not morbidly obese? Yeah, I mean, they're doing flips. Yeah. Ninja training. They're physically fit. turtles. So we got Roy's pizza. Ernie Reyes Jr., you know, it's like, oh my God, April

O'Neill orders another pizza. It's like, oh my God, it's the 15th one this week. And I'm like, you don't think. You know, already. Hey, you don't think. And also, here's something, Ernie Reyes Jr., Keno, the pizza delivery guy. What business is it of yours?

If this woman wants to order 15 pizzas in a week, you shut up and you bring her the pizza. This is not. Well, I hate this kid. He leaves the pizza. He's going to go and deliver the pizza. He, like, asks a woman on the street. Oh, oh, oh.

On the street. Hey, want to hop on with me, honey? And she says no, like it's her total fucking right to. And he says, hey, maybe when you lose a few pounds, honey. No, that's not how that works. A, you hit on her so you want to sleep with her. Now all of a sudden she's too fat for you, Kino. Go fuck yourself.

And you're asking a babe to hop on your pizza delivery scooter. Yeah, first of all, you're working. Okay, let's get one thing straight. You're on the clock right now. Second, yes, it's a bicycle with a motor on. That's not impressing anybody. You're a dweeb pizza delivery guy. And he's working.

I mean, pizza is money time is pizza. You better get out there. You know, Ernie Reyes Jr. has the same haircut in this movie. as Kurt Russell has in big trouble in Little China. Just putting it out there. It's like a cool. It's like a cool guy mullet. Yeah.

It's like a mullet, but he's got some gel up front. And like his voice does not drop. It's nowhere near dropping. No, I'm surprised he's doing all these cool moves. Oh, by the way, a splinter portrayed by

Underfire Elmo, Kevin Clash. Embattled puppeteer at Kevin Clash. I think we just want to say troubled. Yeah, I mean, look, hey, the jury's still out. You know what? It's a matter of public record at this point. I'm not going to drudge up all the facts here.

No, no, you know, it's just, it is what it is. He does a troubled puppeteer, Kevin Clash play in Splinter. Was he doing the puppet work, too, you think? Yeah, he was just doing the puppet. He was doing the puppet, I think. Puppet and the voice. He did both. He's a double threat.

Double threat, huh? Double threat to a lot of people. Well, triple threat to the NYPD. Or the love of. Oh, mercy. Repeat offenders. Anyway. So Ernie Reyes, anyway.

Ernie Reyes stops making fun of overweight women and decides to do his fucking job. But he doesn't because he goes four feet. And then he's like, oh, that door's open. Let's go get distracted by this. I'm like, deliver this woman's food. Yeah. And he gets into like a scuffle in like a mall. it's a weird like underground mall like first of all we don't have this i don't know those in

canada he takes a left turn in toronto i believe the name of the neighborhood this takes place in is paramount lot it's that famous new york city neighborhood of course what i love about this is he goes down into this thing and it's like the foot are robbing it because of course what the foot does yeah they rob things and he's like oh hey you get your damn hands off her and like he starts fighting these guys and then like there's more of course and he runs out of quips and he's like about to get murdered and then don't worry here comes the quip squad the turtles run in the same door and all i kept thinking was like so the turtles just ran in from the street so already they're breaking their thing about like being invisible no because they literally

just ran in from the sidewalk into this mall and they just start fighting and it's it's obnoxious Well, here's the thing, is the first movie, which I do like, was, I mean, it's not ultra-violent, but for what it is, it's pretty violent. You got some good fighting going on. There's, you know, everybody's using their weapons pretty effectively, I'll say, yeah. I mean, Leonardo doesn't decapitate anybody, but still. No one's getting run through, and I feel like someone should have got run through in that movie. There's a lot of comedy karate in this movie, and I don't want any of it. I don't want any comedy karate.

It's like there was a, there's like a nunchuck. epidemic after the first movie so like he can't use nunchucks so he's just going to take a couple of sausage links and use those not entertaining none of this is funny it's just and the the gang that they start right here from scene one and it goes throughout the entire fucking movie is like the turtles trying to one up each other with synonyms oh my god and it's like oh yeah that was radical and the other one's like oh yeah it was tubular oh yeah it was awesome and then like donatello says one and they don't fucking understand what he's saying because he's supposed to be smarter it's fun and educational these these films are very very important here's the thing the voices of the turtles so like the idea is like they all like learn why they have like such california surf for dude personalities is they like learned by watching tv right so i imagine you know donatello michelangelo and uh leonardo all watched. Fast times at Ridgemont High. They watched

Earth Girls Are Easy. They really like the Michael McKean character. And Raphael was in another room watching nothing but Rosie O'Donnell's stand-up specials. Because his ex... Maybe a little Paula Poundstone. He's like, whoa, what are we talking about? Ah, come on, turtles. Come on, Leo. Everyone else is like, awesome. Yeah, that's pretty awesome over here. Hey, my little cutie Petooties.

It's a little bit of a Ray Romano. It's a bit of a Romano. But like his accent, like no one else is a New York accent out of these turtles. Yeah. And all of a sudden it's like, wow, Leo, don't bust my fucking balls over here.

Yeah, like all of a sudden, he's from flushing. And then the other ones, every now and again, they'll be like, yeah. Like, that's as much as you'll get like New York out of these guys. He's like, yeah, pizza.

And you're like, all right. And then like, Two seconds later, it's like, oh, yeah. And I'm like, no, fucking pick one. Just pick one. If you want to be the surfer dude, that's okay. You can be the surfer dude. You're a fucking turtle.

Nobody cares. Yeah, you can, you know what? You're a turtle. It's your first year at college. You can be whoever you want to be. But don't switch it up like that. There's also one part that I find obnoxious where, like, they're all going down in the sewers. They all have to, like, say goodbye to April and make some fucking quip.

And it's Michelangelo that. that makes a Humphrey Bogart joke. And I'm like... With the hat, by the way. You're doing the end of Casablanca. Yeah, but like, that's not a joke for Michelangelo to make. Like, you as the writer of this movie, like, know which turtle's going to make which quip, okay?

My least favorite are the physical guy. Like, the Donatello in the same thing, is pushing one of the push clowns. Oh, with the... And then starts doing the push clown thing. You've been... fighting these turtles for 15 minutes already footclan. You know what they look

like. Why are you fooled by this? They're your number one enemy. Splinter has probably put their fucking faces on the dart board. Oh, you mean shredder. Shredder, not splinter. I'm sure Splinter has a couple of times. It gets obnoxious. He burns him in the can, yeah, I know. So we go upstairs to April's and it's just like

poor fucking April O'Neill. Like this is not a life. She's losing this deposit. This is the bitch. I thought she was royalty in this timeline because of this apartment. No, she's got a great place, but we're just talking about the fact that it's miserable and soul

crushing, rooming with the Ninja Turtles. Oh, yeah. Well, I think... Every... Because let me tell you, Eric. Also, for living in New York City. Oh, yeah. Listen, in soul, course. Every every second of the day, you're putting up

with something. Yep. Like, that's what it is to live with the Ninja Turtles. It's like, when one thing stops being an issue, oh, you better believe. There's something right around the corner that's going to aggravate you just as much or more. This sounds like when I was living with Chris and Steve. Donatello and Michelangelo themselves. And you didn't have a Leonardo or a splitter to wrangle us together.

That's a problem. Yeah, exactly. It was out of whack. And you didn't like any of my inventions. I was fucking busy brooding, man. And I mean, like, they're just, there's like comic books everywhere. fucking Michelangelo puts a rubber snake in the fridge. You know where that goes, April?

The garbage. She instead, like, puts it around her neck, like, oh, those guys. No, no, no, throw it in the garbage. All of it goes in the garbage in the incinerator room and let those fucking turtles fish for it. You want it? Go fish for it. Exactly. Go fishing turtle.

One of them leaves, like, a skateboard that she almost, like, breaks her neck on. There is over 25 pizza boxes of old pizza. She's got an infestation. and not just of the turtles. It's cockroaches and rats. Yeah, guaranteed there's things in there munching on garbage. So what happened was at the end of the first movie,

Casey Jones took the rap for the turtle's murdering shredder. Yeah, he got fucking lethal injection. And April, because of all the events, had to change her face. She had to, like, sit city style, get some real fucking plastic surgery done, and be a different woman. Paige Turco is the better April Neal.

Yeah. She was invited back. back to that terrible third movie but he was invited back what I love to at the start of this is you see April like going to the building and like opening the door and she's got

groceries and stuff and this is the thing I applaud her on she buys all these groceries thinking like maybe I will change the turtles eating habits I mean she knows they've already ordered a pizza but she's got the grocery cliche of the baguette sticking out of the bag.

Yeah and what I I don't think anyone does this. And if you do, you're an obnoxious person. Her neighbors, like, see her or something. And she's like on, you know, she's like a broadcaster on the news, you know? And the guy's like, well, say there, aren't you, April O'Neill for my

witness news? Why, hello there? And I'm like, nobody who's nobody, stops a local news anchor. It'd be like, hey, aren't you on local news? Like, give me a fucking break. Like, I'll stop. I'll stop Tom Broker.

You're like, oh, yeah, you're Tom Brocah, huh? I read that this guy is one of the turtles. He is. Okay, I just want to know if anyone can confirm this. He's Michelangelo. That's like one of those weird movie trivia things that's been in my brain before I knew what a fucking erection was. I was like, oh my God, that's Michelangelo. He's the voice?

Yeah, he's the performer and I believe the voice. He was the performance. Not doing those flips, though. Oh, no. That's all. That's a, you know, there were puppeteers and then there were stuntmen. Oh, I see. And the woman's Susie Esman.

It is Susie Esman. Oh, yeah, the wife is Susie Esman, which is kind of weird. Fuck you, Michelangelo. Yes, she doesn't call any of the turtles a fat fuck, so I didn't recognize you. A fat four-eyed fuck Donatello. Which would have made this movie a five-star class. I would love this. If she called the turtle a fat fuck.

Oh, yeah. Because let me tell you the other thing. It's so unrealistic that these turtles are so in shape. Where's the movie where it's the turtles deal? dealing with heart disease. I want to see, like, the wrestler version of the Ninja Turtles. Like, they're just, like, spit out of the bottom of the barrel. Like, they're just, like, living in, like, the Atlantic City sewer now.

Oh, yeah. All these injections day in and day. Oh, I gotta stay on my game. I can't do the flips like I used to Mikey. Fucking put it in my vein. Injecting vitamins into their kneecaps. Well, that's the thing is they're teenage mutant ninja turtles. Middle-age mutant ninja turtles.

that's a different story altogether dude i would like to see like a frank miller like dark night returns kind of like ninja turtle story where it's just like they're all just old as fuck and it's like the shredder's back and they got to do like one last thing definitely two of them are dying well i mean other than complaining about dwayne johnson movies allan more ain't doing much what's he what's he bitching about he says he wants people to boycott hercules Why? He came out of the shadows Just to tell people

Every so often, he will Did he write the Greek myth? Is he claiming credit for that? It is based on a comic book This version is based upon some... No, it's nothing to do with Alan Moore. Just leave it alone, Alan Moore. You know what, Alan Moore?

Fucking suck it, okay? What are you even doing? Go back in whatever fucking basement you came out of, you fucking creep. It's a sprawling basement. Oh, yeah. I'm sure it's a glorious looking basement. Man, I tried to watch an Alan Moore documentary once.

I did not get far. It's like 20 minutes about him like really being into magic and believing he's a wizard. It's like, nope. Okay, now listeners, just a disclaimer, we all really like the watchman, the book. Sure. We have no problem with Alan Moore's creative

work. And we're just having a laugh. We're just having a laugh. I mean, I didn't have a problem with him until he cursed me three times. He put a hex on Chris Cabin. It was very awkward. What are you doing, bitching about Dwayne Johnson movies for? Get out of here. Get out of here. I'm sure

someone's about to do another one of your things into a movie. Go hate that. So April comes home. She's got a nice salad. She finally cleans up after the turtles. She's like, oh, the New Yorker just came out. She, like, sits down. Oh, it's the double fiction issue. She's about to put

on a record, and then they come on. Oh, come on. Oh, man. Remember, we beat the Shred. And it's like, oh, fuck. Playing football with a slice of pizza is what this woman has to watch. Like, she is ready to get out the fucking toasted brie. You're right. Put a record on just half a night. She's going to finish her light dinner, draw a bath.

Okay? Like the camomile soap is ready to go. No, no, no, no. She has to watch four idiots play football with a slice of pizza. She stopped at Kim's on her way home. Got kind of blue on vinyl. fucking vinyl and she comes home

and by the way I saw the pizza at the beginning of this the pizza isn't staying in one place when it's flying through the air there are flex of cheese on everything

including the New Yorker and then she goes into her walk-in closet and it smells like opium and an enormous rat is passed out because that's what that fucker's up to he's up meditating

oh yeah big old air quotes he comes down and yells at them for being obnoxious And it's like, dude, why don't you take a look in the mirror? You're taking up just as much space as these turtles are, dude. His eyes are like slits. He's totally baked.

He is out of this world baked. Because he's, you know what? Because he's been doing it all day. He got up out of his little rat closet. He made a cup of tea and he just started smoking. Fucking before the sun was up. You're a Japanese immigrant. You come to America to make a better life for your son.

off, you turn into a rat living in a sewer. I'm smoking all the opium there is. And I'm stealing all those Alice Coltrane records. Oh, yeah. We're going to have a good time. Yeah, that's your night. If you're going to be a rat, you might as well. Yeah, they can fight the shredder all

they want. He's chasing the dragon. That's what he's doing. He's at his own adventure. What I love about this part, too, like right when Splinter interrupts them. He interrupts them while they're mocking the murder of the shredder, which is what's going odd because

Michael Angel one of them's hanging out the window like and then the shredder fell out the window like what

and I was like yeah and then your friend flip that switch in a garbage truck while whistling a jaunty tune

and murdered somebody turned that human being into a cube which I mean I'm sorry but the shredder in that first

movie is just a petty criminal he's just employing a I mean like he's kind of a weird like you know

the guy from Pinocchio running that donkey island like he's a little bit like that which isn't good but he's just really he's stealing cigarettes and arcade games maybe some VCRs it's not that big of a deal

it's not a capital offense no yeah no no no like he's not going to be a felon after this it's petty crime it'd be funny like the Costa Nostra steps in on this well now I'm just thinking about fucking Oliver Twist coming back and just gang and fucking fagin right in the ribs exactly that's what it is he's he's a bit of a fagin and the fact that he's murdered for these trespasses is outraged what's the worst that you can imagine you're crushed a lot and i've seen those things

go to work which they can crush a lot of things i saw like a fucking steel desk just go in one of these garbage trucks one time which is why the fact that he's alive in movie is ridiculous. And it doesn't look like Gary Oldman and Hannibal? Well, you don't know. They could have done is like the garbage truck could have squished out his brains and his brains touched the mute gin

and became crang. That's, no, I like that one. Yeah. Yeah, you should have got crang in this fucking second movie. Yeah, no crank, no, thank you. So, Splitter comes out like, shut the fuck up. And then we cut to, uh, it's like tattoo and the rest with the remainder.

of the Lost Boys. Oh, is Tatsu the hilarious, fat, lazy number two? Yes. That does so much standing around while everyone else is trying to, like, make a movie happen. He's kind of, I mean, he's not bad at, but he's something in the first one.

I don't know what he's doing in this movie. Nothing. He's doing nothing. He's running a folding arms academy. He runs away. I would make a colonel. He runs away from puppets at one point. He gets all spooked by. by Toka and Razar.

So, you know, we're in the junkyard and, like, this is the fall bat spot. One of the foot soldiers looks a lot like Henry Winkler at this point. Everybody knew what the fallback spot was, right? And then Tatsu comes in, and he's all pissed off. And then Shredder shows up. And, like, they say his face because apparently he has been disfigured. But you never see, well, you see, like, when he puts the mask, he puts the helmet back on. he's got like a scar on his forehead that you can kind of see but that's it you know what show me a monster

they they show him without the mask on with just a helmet and it's all shadow i think the idea is the lower part of his face has been destroyed just like maybe like there's maybe he's like missing some like all the flesh on the low maybe it's like he speaks totally fine though so like the jaws and tongue are still there but i i'm looking for the final stage of the fly before it becomes the fly. Like that latter things are just to fall in off you. And like, oh, I want his face to fall up in like hot soup. Or maybe like a Jason, Jason Voorhees type face underneath the mask kind of thing. Why not? Something like mangled. I need a mangled. So Shredder goes into a garbage truck, comes out with a mental handicapped. Oh, you would? Yeah, I mean, I think, like,

that's how you get one. That's how you get one. Yeah, okay. Now, he's just saying he looks like Jason for he's. Yeah, I know. I know. But, you know, sometimes you've got to be born that way. Now, I'm to believe because of the whole thing with, like, the shredder rising from the garbage pile, and it's all the foot clan is, like, following, like, they're doing, like, the fallback location or whatever, that this movie takes place, like, right after the first one. It's got to be days, I think. Like, mere days, right?

Like, not even a week. Or do you think it's, like, months? He's on Garbage Island. Well, maybe that's why he doesn't have any broken bones. He's been, like, melding himself. Yeah. But then why are the foot soldiers all just running back to the hideout, like, then? Like, there's clearly been no lay low period.

They're like, because they run in and they're like, oh, these are the only guys that are left. Yeah. Like, everybody else would have been back here if they didn't get arrested. You know, the furor goes, man. The war is still cooking. You've got to get someone else. Well, that's the point is that Mr. Folding Arms there. Rommel, uh, tattoo.

Tatsu. Rommel died before Hitler, but go on. but go on like he comes in and he's like okay the shredder's dead we need somebody else to take over I'm taking over now yeah oh yeah

so he's immediately like so this is exactly what would happen after shredder died so yeah it's like we're an Asian gang I'm the only other Asian man in the gang you're all just middle class white guys so I'm the only one that's got the rights here guys I'm wearing the kimono here the reason I was asking about the time period

here is because April's apartment in that first movie burns to the ground. And I don't think you see her at the end of that first movie with another place. It's like the farmhouse and then that's it. Well, you, okay, now, okay,

doing the New York math, we've got to least wait to the next month before she can move in. Yeah, exactly. The first of the month, so. Yeah. Maybe it's 15 days. I'll say 15 days.

It's also a huge step up from that ratty apartment. Oh, it was like yellow and disgusting. Yeah, she's living above an antique store. This is like a gorgeous you know, you're like... This is ridiculous. This is Pix 11. Yeah, I guess you are a newscaster

in the late 80s. This probably is right. She owns the antique store, Andrew. That's the thing she gets the insurance from when the foot burn it down. Oh, shit. She was in on it. But all right. Well, then wait a second though. If she's waiting for insurance money to come back, it's way

more than a week. Just putting that out there. So Splinter's like Oh, I've been having some dreams or some shit. It's probably all the opium. And he's talking about how he's thinking back to their origins. And I'm like, I don't care. Just fucking fight Shredder, please.

But that's the thing is that the turtles are so stupid. Like, this guy's just totally fucking smoked out of his face. Yeah. Oh, man, he's a genius. You know what I mean? This guy's a wizard and a philosopher. All in one little rat. Except for Raphael, who's got no fucking time for anybody.

Now, he doesn't give him a flying fuck that he is. And at some point, this is when we run into Now We're talking David Warner. Yes, finally. Who's best part of this movie, as always. Literally, as always. He's great. He's great in this movie. He's playing the professor, and T-G-R-I is cleaning up the ooze that apparently 15 years ago made the Ninja Turtles.

yes which is like it makes this movie like part origin story and it's like i don't i don't care no i don't care when when splinter shows them the broken canister and like leonado leonardo's like coming to grips with like his own reality and like he thought he was something more special oh donatello don't he's searching for god for a while oh my god he is like breaking down like he did not want to be an accident yeah it's really weird he's like so you're saying our whole existence is due to a flub and Splinter is like

you know what man don't look at it that way like you're living in the past let's just think about what we're going to do with our lives he's like no but I was an accident just hit this

and then I'm going to explain it all to you don't worry about it do you think my mom wanted to get pregnant with that layabout shit happens Donnie now hit that shit welcome to the real world Don oh man

this is all real bummer and then they become California and accented that's how it happens so it is an origin's tale too there's a great thing where shredder's like talking a tattoo and he's like you know oh we got to

you know get back at those turtles or whatever and this whole conversation is happening he's casually sharpening his helmet on like a stone wheel. Oh, it's awesome. And the guy's just like watching him do it. I'd be like, you know, let's have this conversation later. This is pretty dangerous.

Shouldn't I be wearing glasses? Also, if you're sharpening your helmet, like I need to see you like cut somebody with it later in the movie. Also, like, consider this too. You have a long day of fighting the turtles. You get home. You just became the

super shredder. You take off your you cut your arm off. It just doesn't seem practical. Unless you're known for head budding Get the knives off your face He never gets to use him No In that first one he throws a little like shrewkin at somebody

And cuts him up pretty good I think it's Splinter gets it pretty bad Oh yeah he does injure him Yeah So he's Splinter's like Oh I got this canister You know this is the this is what held the ooze That made us all

Also April's been reporting about this same company, so go investigate them. And that's like the Turtle's mission in the early part of this movie is they've got to go, what is it, TGRS? TGRI. TGRI, they're going to go investigate. TGIF, Patrick Duffy, Suzanne Summers, they're all there. Erkel, he's hanging out.

Boy Meets World. But, yeah, so they're going to go investigate like what this deal is. And the whole thing is David Warner is flushing all of the ooze down a super science toilet. and there's like one vile left and this like the first act of this movie is a movie like I'm like oh I kind of see what we're doing the second and third like there are pages missing left and right

because there's like this like undercover foot clan member who's like following April O'Neill that comes to nothing yeah that guy needs to get arrested or murdered or like turn back and try to like find salvation nothing she finds out about it and April's just like

Oh, jeez, Dave, you're working for the footclan? Well, that stinks. Your interview went so well. It'd be great if she just shot him in the face. Well, the last time she met a footclad member, she got punched in the mouth. So, I mean, she's got some... And he says the same exact thing. He says, we have a message for you.

Oh, that's right. That's the trigger, man. That's the mace is at least coming out. So they go to the TGRI headquarters, this. They get some mozzarella sticks So it's getting some

Pizza shooters There's definitely Some stuffed potato skins And Guy Fieri's Donkey sauce Licensed especially for this movie

And an enormous Sam Adams Not a bad deal And so they walk into this thing And there's all a bunch of like bleep bloop Computer things Oh my God

The computer nonsense Going on They're all like amazed by what's happening And fucking one of them says Whoa

time square city it's like what's that's like a fucking light bright yeah and I was like what hey man where's the quarter go there's sexy ladies on the other half of this beaker hey am I going to get to put a coin in and watch five minutes of a movie

where do I put it in hey where do I put it in hey guys did you hear that one I said hey where do you put it in I'm going back to time squares for a little while See you later, Mikey. But you're already in Times Square City.

Time Square. It's just so stupid. Oh, no. The other turtles are going to know what I do in Times Square. So Donatello, because he's the smartest one, gets on this Apple 2. He's got a fucking ape. Yeah. He gets on this Apple 2 console and he starts hacking the net.

And he's like, oh, it looks like they've been dumping all of these canisters, except for this one. And it's like a weird, like, well, I could try to access this, but the mainframe might collapse in on itself. If it's in crimp—and I'm like, you know what, let's just stop all the fucking computer jargon. You can either get the information off of this computer or you can't. I get it. You read the Newsweek article on Bill Gates. Yes. I get it.

I know you—we all love that article. You don't have to bring it into the Teenage View Ninja Turtles. But then the Foot Clan just shows up anyway, and it doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter. We're doing the football game again, though. And this is where the turtles are getting really obnoxious. And I understand, like, they were pressured to make it more family-friendly because this is America and parents ruin everything. But in this fight scene where they are battling the deadly foot clan, they're doing, they're like stopping the fight scenes for gags.

So much so, they really take this football thing for a ride. They're doing, like, huddles. He's like, all right, guys, huddle up. And all the foot clan are like, oh, you know what, they're in a huddle. Let's just, can we just all stop? Everybody just wait, they got a huddle, they got to think up a strategy to defeat us, then we'll get things back on track and start trying to kill them again. Remember when they beat Raphael to death in that first movie?

Like really took it. They were like, okay, this big, it's a big turtle, it's a big boy, and they all beat him half to death. And unfortunately, yes, it took him a couple days in a bathtub to recover. But, however, that beat to death part's pretty cool. It's fucking awesome. And yeah, and this movie, we're just doing fake football, and I have no time. for it. I really don't. Well, the thing is, they didn't want to use their timeout, too.

You don't know what the fourth quarter is going to bring. Like, I just wanted one of the foot soldiers to be like, what are you doing? Like, let's just get them right now, while they're pretending to be in a football huddle. It leads to nothing, like many of the scenes in this movie. It just leads to nothing. And then they just leave, right? Yeah, they did. Somehow they just get out. The foot soldiers get the canister.

And Tets is like, it's a bummer. Well, we got it. Eat shit. See you later. Like, that's the end of it. You should be, like, cell phone fucking Shredder, be like, yo, we got that canister, but we also have the turtles right where we want them. You want us to maybe, like, uh, you know, cell phones.

I got these shotguns. Didn't they have, like, now, did Shredder have Dick Tracy watches or some such? In the cartoon, they were, they had those weird little pink little thing. Yeah, like a walkie-talkie type thing. Yeah, he's got a walkie-talkie that looks like it came out. out of saved by the bell. It's like neon pink and purple. Those would have come in handy.

Well, that's kind of where here's the problem is first movie is super gritty and kind of uneven at best. Yeah. The second one, if we're going to go cartoony, let's get crang in here and let's get bebop and fucking rock steady.

I know. Not toka and Razor. I'm sorry. It's stupid. I was thinking about it. It's like how shitty this wolf looks. I don't know if that's Toka or Razor, what the fuck these things I don't remember which ones. I want to say Toka is the wolf. Okay, sure. Why not? Make him the

wolf. It's like talking to my dad about this. But like, I'm thinking like maybe they were like, oh, we can't make a rhino person and a warthog person look anything good. Well, maybe we'll make

one more turtle and then we'll make, we'll do one mammal. That's what I hate about it. It's like The wolf one, whatever, but the other one's just a turtle. Well, he's a snapping turtle, Andrew. Yeah, I know, I know. Those are the, that's one of the most vicious animals that you could find. Well, so they kidnap David Warner and bring him back to the hideout.

And they make him set up a contraption that's going to feed the ooze. Well, it's going to put it in like a gaseous state. If it's an accident, David Warner, are you mutating animals all the time? Like, he's like, oh, I know exactly how to do this. Yeah, he's got this setup down, like, pretty, like, nicely made. Like, it's not the first time he's done this, I feel. Speaking of this hideout, we kind of skipped over the Ninja Turtles going, house hunting.

Oh, God, heaven. House Hunters International, the Ninja Turtles. House hunters underground. Yeah. Because April, April kind of fucking has enough of it. And she's like, I just, I really need you to move out. Like, I'm going. out of my mind

insane living with the five of you. I'm wasting my youth looking at you people. Yeah, like I could be going on dates or focusing on my career. Yeah, I mean, my last love interest, you guys got put away for life. I can't even speak his name.

Yeah. They lit him up and sing-sing. Literally, it's as if he wasn't in this first movie. Yeah. And I've got a pretty new face, you know? He's erased from existence. And do you honestly think I want to bring any other man back to this? Smells like a fucking rotten pet shop in here. Maybe at the start they show him get transported to Dimension X and he's fighting Crang.

Like there's a cool B movie going aside. A lot of my issues with this movie could be solved if you had a crang angle to give me a crangle. A crangle. I agree with Chris. All of life's problems could be solved with a crang angle. I would just love him. It's like, and where's Casey Jones? and you cut to Dimension X

and he's punching a David Ogden Steer's body suit in the face. Ow! Even in Dimension X, we can feel pain. But we don't have any of that.

So we've got the science experiment. Well, it's kind of funny. It's funny. It's like, oh, we got to find a new place. And Raphael's like, but come on, the plot of the movie. And he's like, but no, we need a new place. Like, the plot. So he's like, all right, you guys go down

there and find a new apartment. I'm going to keep working out this plot with Ernie Reyes Jr.'s. Yeah, because you know what? The audience loves Ernie Reyes Jr. Everybody's going to want a keynote action figure, right? No. No, they won't. I mean, the fat Burger King kids.

They don't want it. Not the fattest of Burger King Kids Club members. But he's the guy that brings the pizza. He's the giver of pizza. Why are people flaunting over this guy? I mean, I don't know why they're not worshipping him. Pizza sustains them, like gives them life, right?

Kino gets it there 30 minutes. He's the giver of life. 30 minutes. You got a pizza. What do you complain about, kid? Play with your doll. And he also knows karate's. Yeah, he's not bad at that either. So we're house hunting and they fall into an old subway station. It's supposed to be like the old city hall subway station that we have here in New York that you can actually go tour sometime.

But that's what it is supposed to look like. And it's like, you know, just a bunch of cobwebs everywhere. Yeah, like Halloween store cobwebs. Yeah. It's really cheap looking. There's a ghost train down there. They flip up the power green. The lights are perfect.

Yeah. The lighting is beautiful. There's not one light bulb out the whole thing. Every single one of them. The filling is totally fine still. They got to be frugal with that power because I feel like in a couple months, con Ed's thugs are coming down there. Oh, yeah.

It's like, uh, hey, a raccoe, you know, down in a couple of, 6K, they got a lot of juice strain going on down there. Nothing's been down there for 50 years. Better go check it out. And then they go... Wait, hold on. Let me call the mafia first. Make sure it's all right. Vinnie, give me my hobo bat.

Yeah, and then they go and commit genocide on the Ninja Turtle. Oh, my God, Rocco, there's a bunch of mutated titles down here. Oh, it's like their own race of people. Let's wipe them out. They're not paying their bills. We're going to wipe them out.

Oh, my, oh, look at that rat. Yeah, yeah, I kill that one, too. They just kill them all. You're totally right. It makes no fucking sense. The Con Edison could do what Treader couldn't do. And that's, you can take that to the bank. Because all you got to do is get the mafia involved.

Yeah. You tell them something's, you know, putting their city in danger. That's another thing. A loophole here is why hasn't the mafia attacked Shredder? Like, Shredder's inching on their territory. illegal cigarette sales oh please there's a bunch of shit falling off trucks everywhere you know it's not you know they're not gonna like this shredder i don't know if they can take him seriously though he fucking lives in a dump he lives in a dump he lives and operates his

business out of a dump oh is that that pervert with all the knives he's all he's hanging out kids oh yeah that guy's sad just leave him alone don't go away he's not talking about these fucking turtles underneath the fucking city i don't know what he's talking about now is shredder like is his real name whatever it may be is it on the lease for this junkyard because you can't just live in a junkyard somebody's got to own it there's always a fence with barbed wire all over the place like you can't just sneak into a junkyard people will be stealing things left and i feel like like the oldest clan member owns the place and operates it i was like what are you talking i was like wait a grand dragon yes the grand dragon

The New York chapter of the KKK. Chris Kavan, are you trying to tell me that David Duke is the leaseholder on this garbage jump that they live in? David Duke would be totally fine with Shredder hanging out. Yeah. No, he would like that. They both got silly headwear. He'd be a little uneasy about the Asian thing, but then he would be like, oh, well, you know, even Hitler made that deal. So long as he's wearing a mask, I guess I'm all right with it.

If I don't have to look at it, out of sight, out of mind, praise Jesus. A great big porcupine. I don't know. He's wearing an awful lot of purple. I mean, so... You all can stay here, but you got to beat up Al Sharpton once a month. There is a lot of white kids in this foot clan in there. There's almost exclusively white kids.

And they all look like the guy in the... Tommy Lee Jones is the young guy in his gang. in the future. The one who gets shot in the ear. They all look like him. I think that's just a generic. Audience at home, did we paint a picture? I think because it's just

that's a generic white guy. And these are all generic white guys. They all get a little older in this movie. Well, yeah, because they're a couple of years wiser. We're not so much, you know, doing skateboarding and like listening to MC Hammer. Now it's time

to put our nose to the grindstone Because, like, Kino's like, oh, man, I heard on the street that they're recruiting, like, recruiting with what? Like, hey, it's because they're not doing crime. It's like, hey, do you hate turtles? Like, that's, first things first. Yeah, because Shredder even says to Tetsu, he's like, he's like, listen, all I'm thinking about right now is getting revenge on those turtles. I don't care about stealing packs of cool cigarettes. I'm not caring about arcade machines.

I don't need skateboards or cassette decks. I need to kill these Ninja Turtles. So you need to get me some boys that want to kill some turtles. But it's weird because, yeah, they're not. But then he says that the Foot Clan is useless. Well, of course they are. And they are. I'm not disagreeing with him.

Wait, who says the Foot Clan is useless? The Shredder. Oh, Jesus. He's taken down his own organization. That's why he goes for it to create Toka and Razar to ill effect. Oh, because they've failed him. They're babies. Oh, it's my favorite line.

Babies. They're babies. He's so mad about it. So David Warner makes these mutants, and it's out of a wolf baby and a snapping turtle baby. And David Warner explains, like, listen, I may have made them into genetically modified monsters, but they're still babies, so they have, like, baby brains. So, you know. And other attributes?

Here's why David Warner is awesome in this movie Because he He does not For a second Fear Or take seriously the shredding Yeah, because he's got eyes He can't possibly put up with it

He's like Oh, I've been kidnapped by a clown He's every second he reacts to him He's like, you know what you moron This is what I'm trying to explain to you you stupid man. Oh, no, I've been kidnapped by another sex cult. Why does this keep happening?

Now they're making me breed with doca. Oh, that's just, he's so, it's amazing because he wants to keep, he, like, actually genetically engineers him to be stupid. He says, like, it's kind of a dropped line, like, oh, I'll help the ninja turtles, even though I don't know they exist. How do you know how to make something You've never done this before Unless he's got an island of Dr. Moreau somewhere

Once they came out I hit them with a hammer a couple of times Made them right dumb they did I found them all inadequate Yeah I don't know Like the only thing you know Isn't it pointed out to David Warner At the beginning

That those dandelions are pretty big Yeah And he's like we should keep that under wraps Shouldn't we gentlemen Burn them. Burn them all. Well, while they were incubating, I kept reading them the New York Post, ensuring that they wouldn't be too intelligent.

They'd also have, for some reason or another, a slightly racist bent towards everything. But plenty of quips. And the best sports in town. They'd have all the knowledge about what's going on on page six. So they're stupid. And it's, it's like, it's annoying because they really, really take the piss out of Shredder in this movie. Because he's like, he gives this big thing about rise, my mutant children, rise.

And I'm like, I remember watching this kid being like, oh, my fucking Lord. Like, this is terrifying. And then, like, they cut through that all when they're like, ma, ma, ma. And you're just like, oh, oh, farts. God damn it. man honestly like if if like the you know

Shreda's talking a big game for a couple of weeks and like I'm the new guy like oh man Shredder's coming back don't don't worry we're good Shredder's awesome

and you know like oh my God I guess we're making monsters I guess I'm into that they come scared they're babies I'm like oh fuck I am gone

if it's your first day right seriously they're like all right Lenny like we were working for this guy the Shredder he's a really tough son of a

bitch. It's not going to be fun, but this whole operation is going to pay dividends. Once we start illegally selling cigarettes again, you just watch. You're going to get to buy yourself a really nice pair of sneakers. Babies. What was that? Nothing. I guess I've joined the Crips. Fuck, I should have gone with the mafia.

Always joined the mafia. Well, if someone has the choice, if someone's like, yeah, I could join the mafia. Like, I'm a guy that would join the mafia. You're probably not a guy who's going to join the foot clan. Like, that was a rigorous physical test that Ernie Reyes Jr. has to take when he sneaks into being part of the foot clan. Yeah, that undercover thing goes nowhere. It goes nowhere because they're instantly caught. Well, you know why it's crazy is he goes undercover.

And then Raphael's like, oh, yeah, I'll go with you. It's like, wait, that defeats the fucking purpose, you idiot. I'll report back to you, giant ninja. Giant Ninja Turtle is hanging out in the scrapyard with him trying to be... Broad daylight. It's so stupid. He doesn't even have the trench coat on.

Exactly, Chris. But words out of my mouth. At least, yeah, put your fucking flasher costume on before you go out hanging around this junkyard. No, because Michelangelo stole it. That's how he does his casablanca bit is he stole his goddamn trench coat and hat.

Oh, I hope you washed it. Of, like, a thing that I really hate about this movie. I didn't really know what, realize it until this time, because I watched the first two kind of close enough together. Like, the fact that this movie also has like a Raff and Leonardo get in a fight

and Raff leaves. Yeah. And then proceeds to again get kidnapped and captured by the Foot Clan. It's just the first movie, but you're just like cartoonified it. Like now in this one, like, instead of like torturing him and beating the shit out of him, they just like comically tie him to a post

like Yosemite Sam cartoons. Here's the thing, The Shredder. You've got a blood feud with four turtles and a fucking rat. If you get one of those turtles, you put him down immediately. Yes. That's the problem is there's too many of them. Now at the very least they're dispirited.

There's one less to worry about. Like just fucking play. Now they know they can be, they can be hit. Exactly. They know. They have their fear. Now fear is in these turtles. Goddammit. Yeah, you throw that goddamn turtle head down their subway station. Exactly.

what I love to is there's so much stuff that just like is set up in this one particular part of the movie and it just doesn't amount to anything the undercover thing is one but then it's like because remember they all think that the shredder is dead and so Raff's like in this junkyard at one

point and he looks and he sees like the shadow like the shredder walks by and he sees the shadow and Kino's like hey what's going on he's like and nothing I thought I saw a ghost and you're like oh okay that's kind of cool like they're keeping the mystery up that 120 seconds later the shredder reveals himself

it's like all right well that whole thing about I just saw a ghost and you're kind of getting mysterious no it's just completely out the window like why I do that why why hold that up for any amount of time like there's no scene where he's like guys I'm telling you I went and I saw the shredder he was really back he's alive and they were all like no you're crazy you know like

you need that scene nothing you've been getting into splitter's mind medicine you got to stop sprinkling that on your Zah, bro. And I mean, they fucking, and then even Token Razor show up. And like they, you know, he gave

Razor or the wolf, whatever the I'm not going to bother to know their names. Spins around and gives like Donatello a super throw. He finds David one as like, oh, this is embarrassing. Oh, it's a real heave hoe. He gets thrown through

a building. Yeah. And then he just dusts himself off for half a second. Yeah, and what I love about that, too, is like, I guess they just presume that he's dead because no one goes in and follow us up. Like, this guy falls through a roof and he immediately starts, like, untying David Warner and they become best buds. It's like, you would then send one of the foot guys in there to make sure the job's finished. Like, listen, he might be paralyzed or something. Get in there. Break his neck.

Make sure he's dead. Like, we can continue. And, you know, honestly, this also, this scene also points out another giant blunder by the foot clan. you control this scrapyard or whatever and you know you know you're up against ninja turtles and you don't cover the manhole maybe park a car on top of it

or fucking blow up the in you know the tunnel system or maybe have a guy in there ready to go with the sawed off shotgun cover all your bases each time a turtle gets down there blammo dude Well, no, because it's fucking Christmas on the wall.

Apparently. Red and green. Hey, Mikey Leo's been a while. Why don't you go check on it downstairs? All right, dude. What was that? I don't know, Don't know, Don't you go check it out. Don't look.

Don't look. You don't want to look. Raphael's just got his other arm in his hand. Looking around. there's did you guys catch the ralph nader joke oh god yes i did when the turtles get they get wrapped up in the net yeah and they're like oh this net's pretty strong and thanks a lot ralph mater it's like i'll pen a letter to ralph nader is that what it is it's something like the materials in this are too or too tough i'll pen a letter to ralph nader yeah yeah i don't exactly know

what they were getting at with that or i was like is this a seatbelt gag i don't know i I thought it was a seatbelt gag, but then I also seemed to remember, isn't he, or at least when he was in politics, big on hemp production? Because, like, hemp's like a super strong, it makes like super strong rope and stuff. It might have been something related to that, but I was just like, you know what's stupid about this is like, none of the kids are getting this. And all the adults that are listening to it are like, well, that's not funny. And then, and now it's insanely dated. It's so dated. It's, uh, although it's better than a vanilla ice concert break again.

Oh, we'll get there. Well, I think that's what happened was, you know, the first movie came out. It was great. Everybody loved it or enough people loved it. And then somebody wrote a script based on that movie. And it went to the head of the company and he was like, well, they're like, what do you think? And he's like, damn babies. Because he realized what his audience was was a bunch of babies.

their baby's line is only my second favorite Shredder line in the movie because in this scene it's right after Donatello gets tossed and he's like Toka Razor do something and like they

fuck up in some way or another and you just hear Shredder and he just goes Do stupid The delivery of this line is not meant for this movie like it's so bad Joe stupid

Why do you just give me that Like these creatures have existed for less than 24 hours And he's fucking fed up Come on Well he gets stuck in the manhole This fucking dumb turtle Show me a turtle that can't go down a manhole It's one with a big spiky shell bag

Yeah exactly He's like eh, I can't do it And then like Michelangelo starts tickling him I'm like, you know what, dude, get out of danger. Why aren't these, danger is the word. Why aren't these things dangerous? Yeah, I mean, or scary or something. Or why not, you know what?

It's, you know what, this is, there's been too many close calls, turtles. It's time to start playing for keeps. Once Toker or a razor or whatever that thing is is stuck in there and you're tickling it, just start knifing it to death and let it just fucking dangle, dude. Just start cutting its, like the arteries in its leg, like the thigh, just get it. bleed him out disembowel that guts send a message. One side

has to send a message. You know what? Cut off his genitalia. There you go, man. Stuff it in his mouth? He's not going to be fertilizing any eggs anytime soon. Yeah, he's not taking that trip to the Galapagos this year. And actually my favorite

line in this whole movie is David Warner's 120 times saying, oh, that's wonderful. Well, So they go back And like David Warner's like Well you're all big mistakes I'm kind of repulsed by all of you

He's all disgusting Threw up when he saw Splinter Just threw up Oh no that's even worse than the turtles Well Ernie Reyes Jr. does an obnoxious thing It's like he's got no problem with the ninja turtles But when he sees Splinter he faints

And I'm like Fuck's the difference also what's obnoxious is when they when ernie reyes like meets them finally like he goes into he barges into april's apartment yeah pretending to deliver a pizza and he's like no hold this i know there's turtles in here i can smell him and he's like searching around and whatever he faints when he sees splinter and so then when he wakes up we're hearing splinter telling this origin story again it's the same fucking dialogue for from that first movie, and I had the thought of, like, how many times has he been telling this story to different people that they've come across in their adventures? Old people, get ready for the same story. That's what I'm saying.

It's just telling this origin story, and they're just, like, all, like, sitting around, because they all know that they have to play a part, right? Because, like, I named them all after great Renaissance artists. And then they have to realize, they know what they got to come in. I'm Leonardo. I'm Michael. They got to do it.

And it's like, God damn it, he's telling the story again. It's an audience participation story. I can't stand it. And I'm Rosie O'Donnell. I mean Raphael the Turtle. Fuck, Raff. When are we going to do an intervention for him? This has got to be the 25th time this week.

We've had to fucking raise our hands for the, we named him after Painter's story. So Shredder pissed off that once again he's foiled by the turtles. He just lets Token raise our loose on a New York City soundstage. Yeah. And we have another obnoxious, like, apathetic New Yorkers. This old couple get in a cab. And it's just like, look at those animals are tearing up the street. What do you want to do about this?

And she's like, don't let them get our cab. Or they can get their own cab. And I was like, I hope you're dead. He's shitty old lady character. There's sensational municipal damage going on everywhere. That's just New York City for you. Yep. They only care about their own cabs.

It's so terrible. Also, what's great is after this rampage, so like April goes on the scene and she's trying to tell the police chief like, everybody saw monsters do this. Everybody knows that there's monsters that did this. And he's like, how'd you get your information? And it's all like shitty and whatever.

The best part about this scene is there is an extra in the background that I'm like, I don't want to say I'm too certain. but there's a shot that this extra is in reality baseball legend Keith Hernandez there's just a guy who's like in the background when she's

talking to the police chief he looks exactly like Keith Hernandez it's hilarious this movie is in no short supply of bad extras oh yeah and a lot of moustaches oh yeah I mean get ready for the nightclub scene it's cool well so basically Shredder

sends a message well that's the thing is that the cameraman double agent has a message for Miss O'Neill that's not a fist and says, you know, basically, you know, final fight's coming up. The movie's almost over.

It's been 65 minutes. We cut it down to 88 minutes. And this is when David Warner starts working on an antidote. And he has my favorite David Warner line, which is pepperoni heaven. Even stuffy English scientists love a good.

good pepperoni pizza. This thing he's making is a science stew. There's not, that's as scientific as you could call it. It's just a fucking cauldron of magic. He may as well be putting I of Newt and Wolfsbane into this concussion.

Pepperoni pizza. What's so reckless about what happens here too is he's like doing all his scientific calculations and they're making this thing and blah blah blah. And these idiot turtles who are assisting him drop a slice of pizza in it

and then all of them, even Donatello who's playing like the scientist assistant here is like no, no, no, no. That's seriously just affected whatever you're. We can start over now. Yeah, you get, just throw it out. And they don't say anything and he's just like, well, if I just keep stirring it, David Warner's

not going to know what's happening. And he pours some of it out into a Bart Simpson glass. Oh, man. Proving once and for all that everything is derivative from the Simpsons, because I I guess this is where they got their cowabungas and whatnot. They were just watching too much television.

It's so insane. There's also a really great detail about the turtle's new pad because David Warner's like throwing something out or something. And you see on the wall there's an arrow like pointing to a garbage can and there's a drawing and it just says, recycle dude. Fuck you. You live in an abandoned subway station. Well, they're not a good...

Michelangelo is something to fucking do. He's the idiot of the clan, so... Who... I mean, let's be realistic, though. When this bin fills up, is someone really taking it up top, putting it in the clear blue bag, making sure...

No, no, no, no. It's just getting dumped somewhere else. I don't think they had the clear blue bag law yet. Maybe not, but I'm just saying the turtles are kidding themselves if they think that any of those bottles are actually getting recycled anywhere. By the way, in this hideout,

I think it was an earlier scene, Donatello, I think, successfully invents one of the first cell phones because he's walking around with a pay phone talking to April at one point. There's no wire connecting it to anything. So either he's a crazy turtle or he invented something that actually is useful. We just got to lug around this big old phone box, though. Yeah, well, he's got the turtle strength, you know? He's got those big turtle biceps. lugging around that shell his whole life.

Oh, it's like those phones you saw in, like, war movies and stuff where they crank the thing and then they ring somebody. And then the guy's brain gets shot out. All over the phone. Well, here's something to talk about April and the Turtles and the Turtles in general, because Michelangelo is like rolling up like a, not a nudie poster, but a ba-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bba-b-b-b-a. Oh, dude. They want to have sex with women. Yes. And they're all in love with April, and April knows it, and she's okay with it.

like she obviously she's not trying to fuck the turtles i think no but she's just like he thinks it's cute well she doesn't consider them the threat i mean look at that turtle genitalia there's that's like nothing she's well you never know maybe she's just not too strict about wearing the towel from the bathroom to the bedroom you think she's like purposely like well maybe i'll give them a show she might be into it man i don't know if you ever thought she might be into it man she's been hanging out with them for like five goddamn years No, you think, I mean, yeah, so you're saying like inevitably, you live together, you eat pizza together, you know. Obviously, like, personality matters for April. Sure. More than anything, you know, Casey's dead. They're technically, you know, pretty physically fit. Like, they're ripped. Like, you know, it's. Donatello is working the sensitive side, by the way. He's drinking tea with her and he's listening to her problems. It's like she's got four boyfriends. And each of them, like, like. have the one aspect she would want in a human man,

so they all add up to one person. And then it's like Splinter is kind of like the bad boy drug addicts. You know, so it's like you kind of keep that, you're thinking that, you know, like maybe it's like the more mature older fellow. But they're also 15, so that's fucked up too. Like she's kind of like the twisted teacher, right? Like the lady like she's always hanging out. She's got parties at her house, you know, like, oh my boys are here.

Hey, boys, I picked up some wine coolers. Maybe it'll be good with your pizzas tonight. Strawberry sea breeze for everybody. But wait a second, though. You got to factor in also. I mean, what is 15 in turtle years? I don't know. Well, they can live for like ever, right?

Turtles, basically. Oh, they do actually live a long time. Maybe it's even younger. Maybe they're like seven. They're babies. You're seducing babies. How dare you? Get out of the back seat with those babies.

Shredder's like even more offended about April than he is mad at the turtles. I was going to kill them before, but now they need protection. We'll kill you, you monster. You're the freak. You threaten to not give them good grades or something. You fucking weirdo. Yeah, she's on 20, 20.

money. Toka, Razar, meet your foster brothers. That's it, you turtles. I'm sending you to a private school in Dimension X. The turtles are going to be living with us for a while. Don't ask why. Things have changed.

Hey, what's going on? Oh, obviously. This is what's going on at home. No one asks where you've been. You know, we may be mortal enemies, but you make me sick. open your eyes one-eared rat you just pitties him now

like the fight's over man you're just too pathetic then this turns into a bugs bunny cartoon with the fucking donuts oh it's a it's a tas gag it's a Tasmanian devil gag it is now why are you making

science do for the antidote to sneak to give to token razor within jelly don't And you don't put it into the jelly. You put it into like this giant cube. You freeze it. You freeze it.

What are you doing? It's fucking bullion cubes. Yeah, just make the jelly out of it. It's so stupid. It's not enough for kids to understand. Put it on a fucking pizza. Like mushrooms.

Yeah, like you do your shrooms. Of course. What I love is the only ever like moment of actual danger in this movie is after that initial rampage and then the the foot clan member reveals himself to be the

cameraman and he says to April that if the turtles don't meet him at this certain spot at midnight he's going to let Token Razar loose in Central Park and the fucking turtles are so stupid because they're like oh well that's crazy why would you do that when there's a bunch of people that oh no and it's like the one second in this movie where human beings might be massacred by these monsters and you're just like

say stakes that's weird but of course it comes to nothing because they just bend over and meet him I didn't mean to say bend to his will we got it yeah it's wow so they're meeting him at this warehouse

and I mean they eat these fucking stupid donuts and it's stupid and Michelangelo gets thrown into a stupid vanilla ice concert On the docks. Yeah, this is like a weird, like, you know what I've thought about when this happened? Remember the old Bill Hader's sketch where Stefan would talk about, like, clubs that are, yeah, yeah.

Like, that's what I figured. It's like, it's a club down on the docks, a bunch of monsters wrestle each other while vanilla ice dances on stage. This club has everything. Ninja turtles, monsters, vanilla ice. Some guy does say, some guy turns around and goes like, oh, I love this club. Look at those costumes. It's so stupid. Like, it's just not even entertaining.

And then you have to put up with the club, like, manager character, where it's like one thing he's like, well, call the police. Look at these monsters. And then it's like, I got the police on the phone. What'd you call the police for? These guys are great. They're loving it. Yeah.

Because Vanilla Ice improvises a ninja turtle song. How do you know that they're ninja? I was like, monsters. Lots of monsters. A bunch of monsters. It kind of look like turtles, but monsters. He just doesn't. cover of Monster Manish?

You might as well. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't be like, oh, those are ninjas. Ninja Turtle rap. No, absolutely not. Don't worry. The babies. Baby, baby rap.

Baby rap. You know, that pretty sums up the musical genre of Vanilla Ice. Yeah, it's baby. Well, honestly, Vanilla Ice, I know that he had all of his problems and he was like, why did anyone ever take me seriously? Because you sang about Ninja Turtles It goes on for like 10 minutes It goes on and on

And here's what I despise When things like this happen in movies, right? There's a dangerous thing In like a public setting Where someone's performing something Yeah The dangerous thing is like temporarily Like temporarily subsides

And then we're gonna stick around And dance the night away No, the shredder's still on the loose Like yeah Your stupid dumb David Warner donuts made these two monsters turn back into regular baby animals. That's great. You know what? There's still a madman

on the loose and you're just dancing up on stage doing the fucking ninja rap. And here's the thing though, is how they do it is like, he's like, oh, only CO2 will work now. So they put fucking fire extinguishers in their mouths and suffocate them. These two things are dead. Like, you know, like we're going to fill their lungs up

with foam. They're dead. They have, you're right, David. Warner, they do have to breathe. And taking that out, would take them out of the equation. And they're, like, walking around burping or something. And that's, like, part of the gag is, like, they walk into the nightclub just burping. And all these people are like, ew, those monsters are burping. And not vomiting.

From the burps of the monsters. Not vomiting. Keep in mind, it smells like raw sewage. It's, it's, they, dude, when that dog burps, that dog monster burps, it's got to smell like rotting corpse Doritos. Is that a new flavor? it's one of their new mystery flavors get ready it's not going to be on the market black bag

the fucking sculling crossbones on it it's so dumb and then one of them gets thrown through a window and like that's out onto the dock I think is the deal how do we get to the dock they they Marty McFly the shredder out to the dock oh that's right

at this point like you know in the first movie April and Casey Jones were integral to the plot at every single step Yes. They disappear through Kino and April because they do the whole... He's got pizzas delivered. Well, they do the whole like, you wait here.

Yeah. We're going to go take care of this. And Kino comes and shows up and like he plays a minimal part in the conflict. It's such horseshit because like he's meditating with Splinter down in the subway. And he's like, well, this is bullshit. I know karate too. You can't keep me here. And Splinter's like, yeah, I guess you're right.

And he just leaves. So, yeah, he comes to help out for two seconds. I'm going to go meditate. The big thing is Shredder gets the mutant, like the canister of the mutagen again, and he just kicks it out of his hands. Yeah, oh, that's right. That's all he does is kick it out of his hands. It turns into a real, like, fucking...

Don't worry, he gets it anyway. A third grade stunt show, because, like, everyone's like, boo, the Shredder, boo! Look out behind you, turtles! I'm voting turtles when they ask us who to vote for. Oh, we're at the purple nights table. We've got to vote for the shredder. Ah, rats.

And yeah, they crank up Vanilla Ice's sound machine do 11 and blast him out the window. It's so dumb. And he goes under the dock. And, you know, I mean, because he doesn't like his life at this point, is it, well, I might as well make myself a monster. It's like I have failed so much on so many different levels. I've been defeated once again by these teenage monsters. I'm willing to give up everything and drink an entire vial of poison.

Like that's, I'm going to drink a vial of an unstable chemical. And I know I'm not babies! I think that's the big motivator. He's like, well, at least I won't be a baby. I'm going to be a man mutant. So he turns into Kevin Nash. Professional wrestler Kevin Nash played Super Shredder. And his costume mutates as well.

It's like when Jason, becomes like super jason like the stupid costume he has like turns cybernetic it's just different and it's ridiculous it's just like knives everywhere now I'm made of knives and he just commits suicide and you think oh he does well because you think oh shit here comes

finally a threat to the turtles and they're going to have to fight him and figure out maybe they do some karate maybe Donatella's going to take his bow out or Michelangelo take his fucking nunchucks out yeah exactly sword will be used let me see you quip your way out of this one ninja turtles. But he's just, his mind is rotted, so he like

he starts ripping the dock down and the vanilla ice concert by the way. I don't think vanilla ice made it out of this one a lot. Like Samson before him with the pillars and the vanilla ice concert happening he must take down he must, yeah. Well, because he knows

he's a monster now. Monsters got to be killed. What have I become a not a baby? I didn't shop in any of these knives. So stupid. And the whole fucking dumb thing falls on him. They have the dumb thing of like, oh, remember we're turtles. And they just like go underwater.

And I'm like, all right. And also, this is killing a super shredder. I mean, he was crushed by a garbage truck and left to rot in the sun for days. As a human. How is a deck destroying him? This is just the docks. The docks fall on him. monster. You can survive a patio collapse. Like, you can do it. It's so dumb. And it's a wrestling

move, too, because it's Kevin Nash. They're like, is the shredder alive? And he has a handshake. And the audience doesn't clap so it falls down. Yeah, exactly. He couldn't hear it from the crowd and he just decided to die. Yeah, no one would tap in with him. Well, Tokan Razar back to just be in animals. Where's what's his face? Oh, Tatu is like knocking over a convenience store and loving it. Like, fucking fun. I made 80 bucks tonight. This is great. This is what I've been missing.

First time he's made money since joining the foot. Yeah, really. It's finally paying off two years in the business. That's more like it. Yeah, this is it. The last big score we had, the money all had to go to Shredder's knife helmets. His upgraded

knife helmet. I can get some drugs. I can get some hookers. Oh, this is fantastic. This is what I the crime for what it's about that is what it's about that's the ABC's a crime man that's what you're in it for you know that's what it pays and it doesn't pay but that's when it pays even michael angelo is too exhausted with this movie to to give man i love being a turtle a fucking he's like man i love being a turtle it's like oh great yeah totally we paid your ticket for yep exactly we go back to the subway for like one last april fucker no nowhere to be seen

David Warner even is just like, Goodbye movie. The last time you see David Warner, he's dancing to vanilla ice. And it's got to be on the reel. Like the death reel, that's what I wanted. Right.

It's either him getting decapitated by a pain of glass in the omen or dancing to ninja rap. I would hope they would do both. Like a tasteful fade in. Like first he gets his gets hit by the glass and then he's dancing in the,

in the ninja afterlife with a bunch of puppets yeah oh and then him as an ape at one point senator ape that's it and then it's just he fucking splinter's got this thing about assigning them backflips when they fuck around or something so it's like he's like oh remember how you're supposed to be invisible how did you make the front page of the newspaper where it clearly should read monsters invade dance club but it's like turtles dance the night away what does your RAP is born. Ninja Rapp is born and died the very same night.

And I think it's the New York Daily News. Oh, is it? So they use a semi-respectable paper? That's too bad. Semis. I said semi. And he says, oh, I made another funny, and it's like, hey, they did it. Oh, great. Michelangelo, turn on the high-fi, and everyone

leave me alone for a while. I'm going to make some funnies by myself. I'm going to act out my favorite literary character Sherlock Holmes I finally got class clown on record just leave me the fuck alone

Splinter was found dead later that evening Oh yeah Yeah totally One final visit from a prostitute To help him push off Now is that prostitute Just like an actual just rat Like just a female rat

Just not a mutant Not a human No, you know, oh, here's what it is, right? This is an, this would be an interesting splinter-centric drama. He's a drug addict who hires a blind prostitute to help him push off, right? Yeah, that's, no, I'm just very hairy. And he, you know, she doesn't know that he's a rat, right? But they have, like, this great friendship because she's blind, but, like, you know,

they can still converse really well. You need to make this movie because guess what? No one else. The Society of Lincoln Center. I'll fucking screen this in a second You can do like It's before the devil knows you're dead He's in like a big like loft

Like that's where this prostitute is A total high-rise apartment Yeah she could be like a really successful process Yeah yeah yeah Like six figures a year prostitute But she's just tying him off She's not doing anything weird with him She's just tying him off and talking to him

And that's all he wants A bit of a conversation while he floats through the unknown seas You know what I mean I do I've mentored these turtles and they've gone absolutely nowhere you are the only thing that keeps me going pizza all they do

is talk about and eat pizza day in and day out is that the highest point of sentience I mean these turtles would know nothing but they were given life and speech and knowledge and they've wasted it would anybody recommend

Ninja Turtles to Secret of the ooze? You know the nostalgia really it polishes this turd pretty nicely for me. I do think the first one's a movie that I really would recommend as a good enough movie to watch and enjoy and even show like

you know people this is definitely like you definitely could be too young for this movie for sure because we're all old people you know like if you're too young if you miss the turtles do not start here go to the first one maybe don't bother coming back i would recommend this because i would i would recommend this movie i think it's actually a pretty fun watch i mean it's a real flip the switch in your brain yeah but i would recommend like one then go to the

cartoon yeah to kind of soften the blow to come back to the rest of the motion pictures yeah yeah and i mean three is just like a hookah it's terrible it's an absolutely horrendous movie. I agree with you all the way. That's the way to do it. Also, if you check out that cartoon, we've got an animation damnation coming out. Oh, yeah, you're right. On

the cartoon series from 87. Chris Cabin. It's a recommend for one major reason. 88 minutes. Oh, yeah, baby. It knows exactly what it's doing. It's getting in and it's getting out. I don't have

I never, I was never nothing but uninteresting stuff happens in this movie and I was interested the whole time because it's a nice quick 88 minutes well there's no subplots because there's no plot there's no plot to sub from you know what I mean they start to try to make subplots and then immediately implode them

it's like well no you're not going undercover with the foot anymore because we decided not to no you didn't see a ghost it's actually Shreder he's alive he's right here it's settled down you think you're going to fight the super sure no he's just going to kill himself yeah it's astounding that they didn't do uh like you're not gonna believe this no for for the end of this movie and they don't do anything in the first one either and it's interesting like

the premise of the cartoon and the whole you know they always fight shredder they always both leave no one's fucking dead on the ground both these movies for some reason want shredder dead on the ground at the end of each one it's like that's it and now after this one it's like very much the final fucking thing like we can't go back to Shredder so now we've got to go back in time why not Crang! Well here's it's so

And I agree with you too You babyify everything in this movie but you're still fucking killing the Shredder Like you know what? Maybe he gets arrested at the end of this movie that's fine That would be great You know what honestly I would love to see a movie where Shredder is in prison Hey Officer Lombardo why don't you take off this moron's helmet

he's just handcuffed Oh, I cut myself on this moron's helmet But it would be great If you just like If you take off his costume Get rid of the theatrics And it's just a sad old Japanese guy And he's put in the back of a police car

And that's the end of it Oh no and man He fucking from solitary confinement Casey Jones Get some guy to shiv him Just for the shit of it Just fuck you man Here you go

And he goes Oops Again as he gets skanked the throat. That's Teenage Mutinyin Ninja Turtles, too. The Secret of the Ouse from 1991, directed by Michael Pressman. If you want to get a hold of us and spend the next month or so catching up on back episodes, check out our website, WHMpodcast.com.

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast right into the mailbag. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. I've got a special announcement if you're in the Baltimore area. I'm going to be playing the Baltimore Improv Festival with my improv group Swartzlander on Friday August 1st which is this Friday

if you're listening to it last Friday if you listen to a week later check out the Baltimore Improv Festival.org for more details Friday August 1st 830 Baltimore Improv There you guys go see Steve be funny live in the flesh and buy me a beer please

Oh my God That's right now and now it's getting there that's what it's turning into so like I mentioned at the top that's it we are on break

for the rest of the summer we're going to have some reruns that will be airing on Tuesdays so check your subscriptions especially if you're new to the show

there's some back catalog episodes that we have personally curated that'll be a lot of fun which aren't available anywhere else I mean they're available on our website

but they're kind of a hassle I understand they're kind of a hassle to get you have to direct download them these will go right into your feeds we've edited them

there's some bumpers there some little bits are on there a little bit some new material like one 10% new material yeah yeah well rocky four you know new material well look what we're doing is we have to spend the summer writing and rehearsing

the rest of the episodes I mean this shit is I mean it takes a long time we go to a cabin and we just bang them out yeah these things don't write themselves also you know there'll be some a little bit of new material maybe we got This animation, damnation on the Teenage Mutuals cartoon coming out. So there's stuff that's going to be going around.

We will, of course, be on social media. So it will not be totally radio silent. But we'll be back in the fall at some point. And, you know, keep your eyes on Facebook. Keep your eyes on Twitter. So that's it for this round of We Hate Movies. Until the fall, I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris Cabin.

Eric Siska. Stephen Zedach. Enjoy your summer. Babies! They're babies!