We Hate Movies - S5: Animation Damnation #15 - Denver the Last Dinosaur

Episode Date: April 24, 2015

On this episode of Animation Damnation, the gang mellows out with an episode of the stoner-friendly children's cartoon, Denver the Last Dinosaur. The episode under review is "Denver Makes the Grade" which originally aired October 15th, 1988. On this episode, we try to answer questions like: Just how high are these kids? Why would bullies and stoners care so much about winning a science fair? Where are these kids' parents? And is that Larry Clark lurking in the background? PLUS: Turns out they were just watching The Flintstones the whole time! For more information on Animation Damnation, check out our Patreon! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

So this is stupid. So this is stupid. Yeah, no, it's really stupid. My question was going to be How fluent is this dinosaur in English? I don't know. You guys saw this way more than I did. I think not at all almost.

He's got a few, whatever. He's got a Scooby-Doo almost. Yeah, right. He says like, it's mostly just gibberish, but then there's like an okay peppered in. Yeah, which is gross. I mean, like, the last thing anyone wants is a bubbly dinosaur that talks and rocks and rolls.

He rocks rolls. He sort of speaks English. I mean, he puts sunglasses on. He knows what ACDC is because he does the Angus Young leg hop moves. Rocks. What is this, the Stone Age? Or I guess maybe he knows Chuck Barry. Chuck Barry did that move too.

Denver, the dinosaur, knows his rock and roll history. You're saying that he knows because Chuck Berry is closer to a dinosaur? Is that why I would... No, I'm just saying maybe he's not a fan of ACDC. He maybe is a fan of Chuck Berry. But he's named after John Denver. well he's just Denver I don't know what kind of name is Denver

and especially for a dinosaur I don't know because this clearly takes place in California yes well we're all smoking weed the whole time welcome to animation damnation number 14 I'm Andrew Juppin alongside Eric Siska and Stephen Sadek we're talking about an episode

of Denver the last dinosaur this episode was entitled Denver makes the grade originally airing October 15th 1988 1888 hate. This is a show where a bunch of stoned ass California middle school

kids and one of them And what's the cartoon about? We're not from California though. That's true. But so these kids are like smoking weed one day and they find a dinosaur show. Oh shit. And they befriend it and I don't, this is only the, I think it's

like the fourth, this is the fifth episode ever of this cartoon. Didn't have a lot of episodes. But I don't think you ever got like the training period of this dinosaur. Like, when is the dinosaur taking in pop culture? None of that has ever really explained here. It's like a Johnny Five situation. He's just, he's uploaded with all this pop culture knowledge. He's skateboarding and doing whatever else. He knows what sunglasses are for. That's for damn sure. And I mean, he's a dinosaur that's not a dinosaur. Like, there's no such thing as this dinosaur. So this is the actually, funny enough, this is the only episode.

I've ever seen in this show because I had never seen it before before we were doing this and you guys admitted to have seeing it before. I've watched a lot of this cartoon. I haven't seen this cartoon in 20 plus years, but yeah, I watched this cartoon a lot. So could you tell me what is the origin of this dinosaur? Did he just outlive every other dinosaur or was he in primordial? Like, was he trapped in some type of ice? I think it's an insinom man kind of situation.

Yeah, I mean. Oh, they were putting in a pool. Yes, they were putting in a pool. Oh, the old man struck dinosaur. Instead of hitting a gas main and destroying and killing Pauli Shore and Sean Ashton, they find a fucking caveman. Well, there's also just some weird thing. I mean, there's an egg that they find. Like, that's from the opening credits.

I remember that. But they also have this, like, slab of marble that allows them to see through time or some fucking bullshit. Kids should not have that power. No, kids should not time travel. Most people should not time travel. They have the monolith from 2001. They have a piece of the rock of Gibraltar or something. And they can just peer through this thing.

And then when they do so, voiceover narration kicks in. It sounds like Linda Carter. I don't know what's going on with this cartoon. I really don't remember. But the whole plot of this episode is all these little stoners are entered in like a science fair. And they want to beat these bullies

because the bullies and the stoners are both super motivated to get the blue ribbon prize at this science fair. Figure that shit out. Oh, my God. You know, that's even more outlandish

than the dinosaur. It almost is. Why would anyone care about a science fair? Especially the bad kid. Exactly. Totally. And like the stoners aren't going to be motivated to do the work.

Like, come on. They just want to go home, go into their empty swimming pool, smoke a joint, And as far as I can remember, this is like a weird, like, parentless universe. Yeah, we don't know who any of these kids are. It's a goonies kind of situation. Yeah, I mean, we watched, Steve and I watched this episode together, and we let, like,

we let YouTube just, like, select another episode for us to watch, and both of them do not contain parents. So I think it's, like, a parentless world. Right. And touching off the Goonies thing. So the dinosaurs kind of like sloth. Pretty much. Man, it sounds like a...

Sim or something. It does. It's so weird. And so... Red. Yeah, totally. Shut up saying red. Yeah, totally.

Cowabunga. You're like, oh, man. Oh, that's great, Denver. All of these kids are like, oh, man, Denver, the last dinosaur. Help us with our science project. Oh, great.

You're a lord of dog town now, Denver. so they're brilliant i mean i guess as far as stoners go like their brilliant ideas like oh man let's just make a dinosaur exhibit you guys and they build this like pretty decent looking model of a dinosaur it's like papier machet the whole thing but it's all like the the shape of this dinosaur is like half brontosaurus half raptor he looks more like dino from the flintstone yes than he does a dinosaur and it's horse shit It'd be great if they flunked

This looks like you were watching a Hannah-Barbera cartoon Maybe that's what they were doing the whole time Maybe that was the series finale It turns out they're just tripping on acid Watching the Flintstones The smoke clears the narcotics dry up And it's like, oh dude It was just the Flintstones

Oh shit, I'm totally coming down right now We just had the Flintstones on Oh, my God, guys. We turned that pelican into a dishwasher. We killed that. It's sitting in the corner. It's beak ripped off. There's a bunch of dishes shoved in its mouth.

It's just dead. Oh, no. That's not even, that's not party rubble. It's a homeless guy jerking off in the corner. Gabbard dam do. Oh, no. When did life become a nice? nightmare. Oh, fuck, I'm

23. Still have zero parents. So these bullies, one of the bully's father works for like a satellite manufacturer. Sure. Yeah, which my

dad brought his home from work. You know, it broadcasts stuff like the news and baseball. We're going to bring it into class. And like the teacher, I mean, like this is, by the way, this This show somehow was sanctioned by the NEA, the National Education Association. Maybe I made that up. Nope.

That's exactly what it is, which is fucking horrifying. And so there are a little lessons. And the first lesson is, hey, we're going to do a science fair. You have to do your work yourself. You can't get help from your parents. Like your teacher spells us out really easily. So the bullies are bad. So they're like, oh, I'm just going to steal my dead sidelines like pissing off as my own.

Dude, the FBI is coming to your house. This is not a satellite. This is a satellite. Yeah, it's a floating around in space satellite. It's a cosmonaut inside. The teacher opens a little door. There's a skeleton in there.

Oh, that's very authentic, boys. So they're the bad kids. And they're like, oh, we're done with our project because we need to do it to work. And it's like, oh, I get it. And then, you know, the good kids, the stoners are like, so they make the paper machine thing. And then they're like, okay, let's write a report behind it.

So let's go inside. Let's trip balls. Let's robo trip. Oh, yeah. Touch this egg and then go into the past and see dinosaur. Get some dino facts in this episode. So then Linda Carter just comes out and she's like, welcome to your tour of dinosaur country.

And it's like your friend Denver was from this part of the, you know, earth's history when all sorts of dinosaurs roam the earth. And what it does is there's a little scene that teaches you about dinosaurs. because she's like, here's this dinosaur. It was five feet tall. It's fucking hilarious, though. It was five feet tall. It could run really fast.

And it wasn't scared of larger predators. And it had a great kick maneuver. And you see this cartoon dinosaur, like a T-Rex comes out. Like, Roar, I'm a T-Rex. And this thing's like, oh, yeah. And it kicks a tree. And the tree, like, whips into the T-Rex's face. And the T-Rex is like, well, goodbye.

Like, no, that T-Rex is eating your soul. Totally. It runs away crying. And Linda Carter's like, there you go, kids. That's something for your book report or whatever you're doing. Buy from the Magic Rock. Here's something wrong for school. Yeah, don't fact check anything this magic rock tells you, by the way.

Is that a book report? It's a fucking Snapple fact. You know what I mean? Maybe that's what it is. Maybe like when it clears, it's like, oh, that was just a can of Snapple. Oh, no. We thought this Snapple top was. totally a talking rock

that that guy we thought was Barney's back oh man we better call the cops oh no our phone is just a dead pigeon mom I wish we had parents so what I love is there's one part

where you see this little kid like on a computer and it's like our dinosaur report by Corey and like that's it No last name. You motherfucker, but he's not crediting the rest of the group. Oh, yeah, bullshit. Oh, I'm totally going to take all the credit for this totally banging book report.

We're going to take Corey out to the field and beat him to death. Oh, it's like that movie bully. That's cool. Weird, he's making us watch gay pornography. No, that's just Larry Clark. Oh, no. I fantasized that I had a dad, but it turned out to be Larry Clark. God, what a nightmare.

That is a waking nightmare. Man, that guy claims to be a film director. Yeah, why don't you just take your clothes off and I'll film it. Clink, clink, clink, clink. No, no, it's art. It's a real movie. Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, cling, cling, clink. So then the bullies, like, the bullies come and spy on, I guess what they perceive to be the only competition in the class are this group of stoners.

And they're like, oh, man, look at that. They got a pretty nifty-looking dinosaur model. We know how we'll mess it up. Let's throw it in the pool. Yep. That's like the nuclear option for Southern California. Oh, that's totally harsh. So they ask Dino, or Denver, rather, excuse me.

Yeah, see? They asked Denver, they're like, hey, Denver, we hate to ask this of you. But could you stand perfectly still and pretend to be a statue for two whole days? Well, I am a lamp And There he is with the shade over his head I'm just a broken lamp You found over under an overpass

I mean The other thing That's hilarious Is they have this like E.T. shit where it's like Oh no, if the government finds out They're going to take Denver away. Oh yeah. And you know

they're taking this thing They're putting in a cage. You're getting a lot of like, you know, not stool samples, but you know, like some some of those two. Probably some stool samples, but you know, you're getting like a spinal tap on this thing testing its blood. And then you're slicing it from neck to toe. Because it doesn't look like a

dinosaur. They're like, it's a fucking alien. Yes, exactly. It's a reptilian looking alien and we're going to do experiments on. Maybe that's the twist ending at the last episode. Is it turned out to be from another planet? That's entirely possible. So they're like, all right, yeah, come stand here. it's like science fair that lasts more than an afternoon in the gymnasium whatever cartoon

apparently it's really serious and you need one day to look at another day to judge yeah yeah i guess like the judges like you know they're they're like keeping anonymous right they just walk around like looking at everything and then they spend a whole day fucking debating about the whole sleep on it so he this fucking dinosaur is doing his best to stand still for two days It growls at a little kid at one point, which is funny. Hey, Denver, put this under your tongue. You'll feel like a statue, brother. Hey, Denver, you want to hear all sorts of colors?

Well, you know, like shittany stoners with dogs, they're blowing all sorts of pot, this dinosaur's face. Oh, yeah, totally. These dinosaurs are just going to snap one day and start eating them, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Bogus. Oh, no, this dinosaur's,

totally eating my leg. I guess by that, you mean, you stepped on the broken lamp. Oh, no, a dinosaur bit me. Oh, no, Barney Robles back, guys. Oh, wait. Let me just fan out this smoke. That's, wait, he's actually Larry Clark. Ruddy's got a video camera.

So the whole time, there's like the little girl character who's like, We can rebuild him. We have the technology. Yeah. You know, and they're like, shut up, little girl. You're just, you're in the sixth grade. This science fair is for seventh, eighth, and ninth graders only. And so he's just standing there, and they start to feel bad.

They have this weird guilt trip like, oh, no, Denver feels bad. He's being used as a pawn in our plan. Well, they also start feeling bad, and this is another teaching moment. They feel bad that they're cheating. Yes. Because it's like, oh, the instructions were parents can't. help and we have to do it ourselves. We can't just find something. And this wake and big teacher goes over to this satellite and it's like, wow, great satellite boys. And it says literally

property of NASA on it. And it's like you said you can't get help from your parents. And it's like, yeah, okay, these kids just built the worst, the worst people in my class, because they're the bullies, they got probably Fs, right? Yeah. Built a satellite. Oh, and then these fucking free base of nobody's have a real, a realistic dinosaur that's breathing. Well, no, I guess that's the other thing, right? He's holding his breath. I mean, he's standing there for two days somehow. That's the thing is they think that these teachers actually care about their education or about this science fair.

This woman couldn't give a shit. She just said what she had to say in the classroom. Exactly. Oh, it's a big deal. And then they're like confessing to her about. Well, yeah. So they have a, there's a big coup. in the group and it's like we have to tell what's going on. Some of them want to do it and some of them

don't. But the whole thing is like, well, how do we do that without admitting that Denver's totally a dinosaur? And they like skirt around it somehow. It doesn't matter. But so she, but then she's just, their whole reason for using Denver is because they don't have enough time to rebuild it before the science fair. So they're like, hey, teacher, we found this thing. It's not real. You know, we didn't make it. And she's like, well, that's all right, boys. You have. have until noon tomorrow to make it. And I was like, well, then what? What is the point of a due date for the science fair?

If they've had two days extra to do this. And what's the point of the first day? What's the expo day about? Maybe that's like when the fans come in or like the parents or whatever. And then like the second day, that's when the judges come in. It's like closed doors. Well, I think the whole school administration's smoking up too, because they're just like, yeah, the science fair will be on.

I don't know, Monday or Tuesday? Monday and Tuesday. So, you know, whatever. They go, the little girl has already rebuilt the entire thing herself. Yeah. Without the help of the rest of these morons. She's pre-drugged. That's the whole thing.

Yeah, you're totally right. She doesn't see Denver at all, by the way. No, no, no. She's like, oh, it's fun to use your imagination. You're like, what? That's a real dinosaur we found. Wait, you're not seeing that thing play the guitar like Chuck Barry? And, you know, whatever.

So they bring this like new statue in And then in the biggest bit of horseshit Because these bullies don't get punished at all For clearly breaking the rules The teacher comes in and she's like Well the blue ribbon prize goes to the stoners And the fat bullies And you'll have to split all these ribbons I have here

I was like no NEA did you read the script for this episode These bullies are cheating They should be found out Yeah And the stoners get all the blue ribbons Well you know what This cartoon decided

to be a little realistic and say guess what people are going to cheat and you're never going to be a winner so just keep hitting that bomb dude rip that shit nothing matters it's okay to live under the 405 if you smoke enough

anything will come true I was shocked that this cartoon didn't have like a the more you know esk bumper at the end of it yeah Captain Planet had that you know just like oh you know Just let's summarize it up. But what this does have, which is really weird, is in the theme song, which we haven't talked about, which is rocking.

It's the best part of the show. The show never lives up to the theme song. Not at all. Not one episode lives up to the theme song. In the middle of it, they take a break and tell you what the whole episode's going to be. They're like, oh, in this episode, we go to the science fair, and then the bullies come, and then we have to do this thing and that thing and that, oh, man, Larry Clark shows up. Turned out, I've been friends with a lamp for two years. And then, yeah, and then you just see it all play out.

Yeah. It's like, well, you told me. Yeah. You told me every one cranny of this episode. Maybe they, maybe it should have been like an alternate ending where he was like, just kidding, the bullies got the death penalty. Or at least expelled from. Yeah, that's like getting the Denver. Oh, yeah. He's getting their enemies. He's smiting their enemies. I think this is a missed opportunity for like a little shop of horrors type of situation.

Yep, totally right. That's he needs blood. He needs human blood. Yeah, but dabba doo. Was anyone embarrassed watching this? Oh, very. It's very, I mean, like, it's educated. The animations for shit.

It's very, like, lame-o kid joke. I mean, it's a fucking baby, so I don't know why I'm trying to hold some high standard. Oh, yeah. I was just going to apologize for any babies listening for that F-bomb. But, yeah, I was embarrassed because whole, I think a lot of the ones on here I've seen before and I remember growing up and I was like apologetic about them

I'm like no I wasn't that embarrassed about that but this is just like oh this is like unveiling a new horror and I just I felt bad that I've seen this now this is I mean rewatching this today having not seen it like I said in over 20 years I feel like this is one of those cards

because I agree with you like sometimes we watch things for animation damnation and you're just like oh yeah well that was it was still fun fuck it this i'm like picturing my parents like walking by the boob tube in the living room like these kids of ours are so fucking stupid you know what i mean like because this is stupid and it's embarrassing that the neas got their name on this it's it's a bad show for i mean i guess like it's it's all about like the the you're feeding to a you're feeding a medicine to a dog how much meat how much pill right this is a lot of meat a little bit of pill It's a pill that's like, it's a sugar pill.

It's not even doing anything. What did you tell me? You told me not to cheat on my homework. That's great. Oh, man, this acid was a placebo. I've been faking it for years. I've never been high before ever. Man, then we just totally killed that bird.

And Larry Clark. I mean, if anything, this cartoon's great because stoners are the heroes of the show. Bummer, man. looks like Larry Clark got Corey Corey's dead That's animation Damnation

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