We Hate Movies - S5: Animation Damnation #9 - Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue

Episode Date: November 13, 2014

On this episode of Animation Damnation, the gang tackles the heavily requested, Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue! How much weed does this kid think he needs? Why did the President and First Lady introduce this thing? And how many kids were actually turned on to drugs by this? PLUS: Why only one Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue stars a ton of voice actors who do everything else and it was directed by Milton Gray, Marsh Lamore, Bob Shellhorn, Mike Svayko and Karen Peterson. Yes, five people directed this thiry-minute cartoon. Be sure to check out other episodes of Animation Damnation and our other bonus shows by picking up our app or visiting our Bandcamp page! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Is this the most hilarious piece of Is this the most hilarious piece of anti-drum? propaganda since Reefer Madness? It might be. It's quite wrong-headed. Or, well, maybe it's good intentions, do you? No,

it's not. You know what it is? It's like a bandwagon thing. Like, somebody was like, you know what we should do to help kids? And then, like, some other idiot was like... Put the band on the wagon. This is another great idea. Hey, he's got a good idea. Yeah, that guy's got a good idea.

Cartoon team up. And, you know, I want to, look, let's just set it in a cartoon world, a regular, smegular cartoon world, not in this fake night at the museum, everything's coming to life, sort of, kind of. It's really creepy, because some things are toys, some things are jumping out of books, like Gumby. And they reference themselves of being cartoons. Yeah. Even though they're supposedly in, I guess, the real world now. I'm not too sure of what the physics are. Is it kind of like Reckett Ralph, where everything, like, lives on this one mainframe, but they're.

aspects of one thing. Right. Oh, that might be. Yeah. Speaking of Stone, that's all three of us right now, I guess. Welcome to Animation Damnation number nine. This week we're talking about the cartoon All-Stars. What is it? Is that it? Cartoon All-Stars to the rescue. To the Rescue from 1990.

I'm Andrew Juven alongside Eric Siska and Stephen Sadek, fellas. This is the first of two. listener request animation damnations we're going to be doing this one's out on the main feed as you might have noticed to spread the word about our app and our band camp page which is where you can normally find animation and if you're reaction oh what the fuck I paid for it like I get it but we've got another one that's own app only that'll be released

later this month later this month there it is that that's that so we should just quickly it's WHMpodcast.bancamp.com by single episodes of animation damnation. Correct. And then to get the app, if you're using iOS and your iPhones and what have you, you want to download the podcast box app. Correct. And then you can get our app within that app.

It's like inception of apps. They really made it so uselessly complicated. But if you got an Android, it's pretty simple. Go to the Amazon store. It's right there. If you have a Windows phone, it's in the Google Play store. It's right there. So anyway, so like we said,

This is the first of two listener requests. So we had you write in. So, Steve, you have the email handy. There was, I mean, there was, like, a lot of people that requested this. So we're really just picking from, like, 10 emails of the same cartoon. I actually used a rule, which is the person farthest away from us wins. Oh, very smart. Gentlemen, I started listening to your show about six months ago.

Dot, dot, dot, dot. And lots of praise. Everybody loves him. When does he start talking about the cartoon, Steve? It's happening. I understand that you're looking for it. later. I'm looking for money.

I'm a Nigerian prince. No. I understand that you're looking for episodes of animated shows to discuss at length. And I would imagine that more than one person has submitted this request. You're right. But if not, I hope you will review 1990s cartoon All Stars to the Rescue. An extended drug PSA featuring Looney Tunes, Alvinan the Shipmunks Ninja Turtles, Ninja Turtle, actually. Yeah, one singular Ninja Turtle and arguably the worst one.

And God knows who else. Fair enough. Even back then, it was an insufferable half hour of preachy, patronizing schlock, which made me feel more than uncomfortable and embarrassed watching it than I would ever feel getting busted by the police for drinking underage. But nearly 25 years later, I imagine its cringe-inducing qualities have only intensified. You're right. Nick from Antarctica, by the way. Holy shit.

Yeah. He is stationed there until March 2015. serious? Look out for things, man. There's going to be so many things. Yeah, I mean, look out for Keith David, because I think he might be the thing at the end of that movie.

I think that's what you're supposed to believe. There's that thing, though, about, like, one of them's not breathing or some such. I don't, I haven't watched it in a while, but, yeah, look out for Wilford Brimley, look out for jangly walking dogs. Wow. We, we have, I think we've

gotten most of the continents now. Antarctica isn't even in risk. You know, you can't even take that shit over in risk. Right, because you can't put a whole army there. You'll just have to move them out immediately. It's a dumb move. So, Nick for Manarctica, we hope this episode warms you

up a little bit down there. So this thing is the craziest darn thing I've ever seen. And full disclosure, by the way, if you want to talk about like how to exemplify the utter failure that this project is, kind of down to tall glass of water while I was

watching it. Oh, I'm sure. Just putting that out there. And we will put a link on our Facebook and Twitter feed. So, you know, you can watch it yourself and you be the judge. You can see George Herbert Walker and Barbara Bush introduce this cartoon. It's fantastic because the shot they used it to go to the White House because it's like first, it's just a graphic. It's cartoon All Sars to the Rescue. Then you get the White House and the zoom in you would literally get on Saturday Out Live. Yeah, like that same era like 90s, like 86 to 92 SNL, it's the same stock footage. Ladies and gentlemen,

the president of the United States. Dana Carvey comes out. That would be amazing. You know, Barr, they want me to do this cartoon. Don't know what I think about it. Love smoking reaper myself, Barr. So they're on a couch and like they are just, this is

the fifth thing they did today. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, you know, being president and first lady is a time consuming gig. They endorse the death penalty, like on a commercial. Gotta do it. Got to do it. Got to do Got to keep the death penalty in Wisconsin now, or else everyone's, your population's going to overgrow. Got to bomb Kuwait.

Got to do that. Got to get it done. You don't want to pay $5 a gallon for gas now, do you? Do you? Oh, now the drug commercial, okay. And Barbara Bush has this dog at a fucking headlock. This dog is minutes away from death. Well, I think the idea was, like, they are so, like, imposing and grandfatherly.

like you want to be you want to soften it up a bit we're about to watch a cartoon show here yeah so get this fucking dog and this dog's like oh shit yeah they gave this dog a 1991 equivalent of benadryl whatever that is a dog a drill mellow him the fuck out maybe they really blew weed in his face Benadryl didn't exist yet I don't know I think Benadryl was around Benadryl's been around for a while probably what's great though it's like you think about you said they're like grandparent like right and like they so are think about like then the Clintons and then George W. and Laura and then the Obama's

like they're significantly younger. You know what I mean? Like you get these two fucking skeletons out here and they're just like, now you shouldn't do drugs little kids. Here's some of your favorite cartoons to tell you about it. I'm not going to listen to you. I don't care if you're the president, the first lady.

Hey man, meet my wife. What was that? Was that one of the cartoons? Well, no, Skeletor doesn't make it appear. Oh, right. Yeah, where was Skeletor and Prince Adam to duke it out. You can use my head as a bong! That was in the New Hampshire primaries. So this whole thing

is like this girl wakes up. There's like a thief in the night, right? Like the door opens. Someone steals her piggy bank. This girl's asleep. And all of these cartoon characters, starting with the Smurfs, come out of a comic book. Right. Like Papa Smurf wakes up and he's like... So it's like Gumbi rules. Yeah. You got a lot of Gumbi rules with

this. And, like, Papa Smurf wakes up, and he's like, well, someone's stolen Laura's piggy bank. And you're like, shut up, Papa Smurf. Of course he used to get in. Is someone using that for drugs? Can I get in on that? Oh, no. Someone's smurfing around on my turf. Because you know he's keeping all those smurfs in line

with copious amounts of drugs that only he can provide. Absolutely. And they're so small, you know, just little Johnny or whatever drops a little leaf and they're set in the village for a few Listen, when you're the only pusher on the corner, you can charge whatever you like. It's kind of a Marcy Mayle-Marleen situation down on that Smurf Island. You can't leave Smurfville, dude.

He's like, yeah, sure, you can go. See how you make it in the real world. We'll be here waiting for you when you inevitably fail. Is there Smurf Rumspringer? John Hawks says Papa Smurf. I'm into that movie. Way better than those live action movies. Yeah, they definitely

They definitely didn't go dark enough With the Smurfs Here, Vanity I'm gonna show you How to shoot this gun Just pointed at that dog So the Smurfs like come out And then like what we got Alf

Alf is she just It's great because like some of these And this could see gets dropped Almost immediately the whole like You know What we're calling Gumby rules Like she has just a picture Of Alf on her dresser

What the what why are you doing a thing about like drugs are bad, here's all your cartoon friends to tell you drugs are bad, through an obvious drug trip. Like, how else is everything coming out at you like this? It's the biggest problem with this entire thing. It's just a 30

minute trip. It's a 30 minute trip that's railing against mainly smoking weed, by the way. You know what? I mean, it is a good trip, though. Don't get me wrong. And I'm like, I'll have what she's having. So you got Alth. You got Garfield, who's a lamp,

Yeah. And why is an Alf eating Garfields? He threatens to at one point. Sure, but. Well, Garfield's like, this thing's stupid. And Alph's like, no, come on, kid, or else I'll eat you. You better help find this piggy bank or I'm going to bite the throat out of your neck while you're still breathing. You fucking cat, you lazy piece of shit. I'll take the lasagna pan and shove it right up your ass, cat. And I don't appreciate Garfield. being sassed around by Alf. No, I don't either. No, because Garfield

is way, he's Mount Olympus and fucking Alph is selling concession stand at the Yankees, all right? Yo, hot dogs right here. Yo! The thing about it is I totally forgot that Alf was a cartoon. I did like the Alf cartoon. You, got any money for a veteran?

Gets cold out here outside of Yankee Stadium. So he's there. got Kermit the Frog, like baby Kermit the Frog from Muppet Babies. But he's the Borg because he's the alarm clock and he's got little things on his eyes. Yeah, it's really weird

and he just comes to life once his little buzzer goes off. Super weird. But he's still a clock for a little while but then they just shake that off kind of. Yeah, the clock face like falls out of his tummy, I guess. I don't know what's going on there. So you got that. And then the kids are going to have to put him back together, right? Like violently

shoving the clock mechanics back into them. No! No! I turned into your friend. I'm not a clock anymore. I have feelings. I was a real baby frog. No. Well, it ain't easy being green.

And then the Alvin and the chipmunks come out of a record. And Slimer comes out of nowhere. He comes out of the wall. Was Slymer just haunting this house? Yep. What's awesome is they're all like, we're going to go find the piggy bank. And they all run out. And Slymer's still there.

Slimer eats. a fake bowl of fruit and like burps or something. And then a headlight comes out of his mouth. And the headlight shines where like the piggy bank used to be on the dresser. And this girl's just like, oh no, my piggy bank's gone. Not even acknowledging that there's a ghost with a spotlight coming out of its mouth, like directing her gaze. Because that's normal for this house. But that's, it's an inconsistency.

Like he must be actually haunting the house. And she's like, thanks, Slimer. He's just a member of the family at this boy. So she follows her gut instinct and goes into her brother's room And this guy's broken this thing open Like oh there must be $20 in quarters here And they find all the cartoon characters are hiding under his bed And he's like you know I stole it you know deal with it

You little get out of my room And they're like oh what's going on And they open up his little he's a little box under his bed And he's got a shit ton of weed Which to me is like why is he stealing from this sister he's got a great stash seriously it's a good amount i mean how much is this kid smoking it's either that where my wife was like is he going to start dealing like what was happening they need some more seed money i guess it's there's so much weed you guys it's great if he offered

to pay it back you know it's an investment in my company i just need to buy some baggies you know like i've got everything else but the baggie what i love that is if he does indeed like need to take this money to go buy more weed imagine like him going up to the drug dealer like okay here's $20 in quarters oh no you got to change that shit man yeah totally it's like a recoup for a dream when they go to that weird garage he's there with with with some quarters i'll give you this tv for some heroin oh yeah he's like he's locking her in the in the cabinet like every day he takes her piggy bank but every night he puts it back kind of a thing just to get and simon it's great because everyone's like what is that and simon's like

Looks like marijuana to me. And I'm like, oh, man, Simon, you know what's up. I have never thought in my life. No, I never heard of this cartoon before. Alvin and the Chipmunks? No, I've heard of that one. Oh, this special. Yes.

Until people wrote in about it. Yeah. But just hearing one of the Alvans and the chipmunks is saying the M word of marijuana, it's very... It's unsettling. It is, and it's not the last instance of this. Nope. this like kind of world bending and again it's you never expected cartoons that you grew up with to start talking about weed and it's oh i mean it's how does this not encourage it that's the

exact thing right is like this thing that you love watching on saturday morning is like taking a very brief whiff of something and is an expert about what it smells like like and you're like well that's cool well if simon seville knows like what weed smells like like i should know what weed smells like right here like you'll say that it causes like artificial highs or something which is hilarious because it's like well it's a thing that literally comes from the ground so it's quite like literally a natural high alf goes lay off the cheap stuff kid while we're here anybody want to order chinese food yo chip monks got a quarter sure is cold out here

just got this Hawaiian shirt and no pants no one's rebooting my shit Alf it's a fucking winning premise from the 80s yo did they explain like because Alf has the famous thing where like

there's the cliffhanger where like the season finale is him like getting caught by the FBI and then they canceled the show and then they made like alien autopsy they made like a TV movie several years later that kind of like wrapped it up I don't know where that cartoon falls in all of this

in the continuity yeah in the continuity of Alf that's what I'm curious about I'm guessing this is not canon to any of the characters oh Alv they'll be great if the dad showed him hey Alf oh you know uh in my Alf reboot the dad is played by Chris Holmesworth because why not that's fine yeah I'd watch that so I mean so what this is is like this kid goes around like they kind of do an it's a wonderful life at one point with bugs bunny who takes them on a time machine and you would think it's about the girl because it's mostly about the girl at first but no everyone's like this kid's got a drug problem all cartoon's hands on cartoon deck yeah we're gonna haunt this kid till he doesn't want to smoke weed anymore and the whole time he's like he's like I'm seeing all these cartoon characters I must be high as shit well let me get this right okay

If you're a little girl that's good in minding your own business, all your cartoons will come to life and ignore you and hang out with your older brother who's got the weed. Yeah, exactly. Like, oh my God, I want to hang out with everybody. Once again, pointing kids toward, I probably should be smoking this. It's weird because they actually show marijuana smoking in this

because you wouldn't, I mean, like, which I guarantee you, even in the biggest of PSAs you wouldn't be able to do right now. You can't have fucking Constantine smoke a fucking. cigarette after 10 p.m. on a Friday fucking night at NBC. Are you serious? He can't smoke. He doesn't smoke one instance of him putting out a cigarette like as it's

coming into a scene. You know what? I'm not going to watch Constantine. Good idea. What neutered crap? Yep. That's unbelievable. The fucking pusification of America man. Carlin warned us about this. It's fucking 10 o'clock. It's in the Hannibal slot.

People are fucking dead bodies and shitting in their eye sockets. But this guy can't have a fucking cigarette. That's amazing. Someone's eye sockets and then cook it. That's fine. That's totally fine. A cigarette. A filthy cigarette. You can't even fucking have a cigarette after fighting

Satan. Like you can't just be like, I need to mellow out. It's been a day. Speaking of smoke. Oh, yeah. So he blows out his marijuana smoke and none other than George C. Scott comes out. As the ghost of Spliff's Past or something? I don't understand what this character is supposed to be. It's just like drugs.

Right. Yeah, because he's, because then these immediately one of the kids in his circle of friends is like, hey, let's do crack. And the marijuana smokes like, hey, that's a good idea. Because marijuana is a gateway drug. Marijuana does not want you to leave its ever love and embrace. You know what I mean? Like if there was, hey man, it'd be cool if you hung out with me for a while. But in, in the 80s and 90s, drug war narrative, if you smoke any marijuana, you will then smoke crack, meth.

You're going to be shooting heroin. Selling your body. Yep. Selling your body, then smoking that. Selling. It's a vicious cycle. But that's, I mean, it's amazing to look back on this now, like knowing how crazy that shit is.

And just like see what people were putting out into the world for children to watch. Like, it's insane. But like also, seeing how, like, embarrassingly done this is like it's no wonder like the war on drugs was ridiculous and dare failed and like the the the the cop who came up with the concept of dare admitted that it probably turned more kids onto drugs than kept them off like come on i remember personal tangent i remember being in a dare classroom and when they you know he's talking about acid and all this

stuff and it's like that's not for me there's like marijuana's like i'll probably wind up trying that i don't think i'm gonna like it but i'll probably wind up trying yeah it's like that's the one with like the two funny guys in those movies on Comedy Central like yeah that one seems okay they're having a good time no not for you that's your parents generation that's good time but yeah

no I had the same thing like the dare officer came in one day with like a big brown briefcase and he opened it up like fucking Marcellus Wallace's soul and was just like these are what drugs look like and they were all like props you know but it was like look at that there's like pink pills and that's a cool fun bag

of white powder and look at the shredded green and stuff, this is great. Like, it was just a cool little, like, traveling museum of drugs, like, with all bright colors and shapes. Like, how did you think that this was going to keep kids not interested in drugs? Well, you know what, to make sure that they're really not interested,

let's put their favorite cartoon characters in that situation. And, I mean, you know, there's nothing kids hate more than George C. Scott, right? And the thing he doesn't even do is, like, I want the freak out where he's just like, what the fuck Donald Duck?

Right? Like, I know. I'm a fucking goddamn duck throw out. He's the, that's the thing. I guess because he's marijuana smoke. He can't physically get angry.

So it's, I don't know. They do do a bad job of making even this evil character be off-putting. Why would you not take a known cartoon villain? Yes. And have him smoking weed. Mm-hmm. Because this.

Marvin the Martian man. Was he a villain? He was kind of, yeah, he was an adversary, I guess. He wasn't adversely. That's a perfect way to put it. And, you know, I'm just guessing he's lonely in space, you know, maybe

he'll, he'll... I mean, Bebop and Rocksteady are definitely lighten up. The Beagle Boys. Imagine the Beagle Boys smoking some weed. Because Huey Dewey and Louie are in this movie. They're coming up. They're on deck. I don't want to know what those

Beagle Boys get into after dark. They're looking at a lot of weird porn. The Beagle Boys crowded around the same computer looking at weird porn They spent most of their life in the joint, Andrew, all in the same stuff. And they're all, like, weird mama's boys. Yep.

It's a weird time hanging out with the Beagle Boys. And, like, you go over to hang out with them and you're like, ah, they weren't like this in high school. This is weird. The joint certainly changed them. Oh, wait, watch this one YouTube video. And you're like, oh, man, that's kind of racist. I'm going to go. You guys aren't cool.

I was cool with Marty Beagle Boy. Do you think it would be like anti-duck stuff? That's the racism of it? Yeah, exactly. Ducks that can't, all these rich ducks that, like, suck the blood of the economy out. Yeah. The ducks run the entertainment industry. Yeah, it's like a, yeah, like a duck protocol, Zion, everyone.

Protocol's a duck bird. Instead of using, like, known villains to, like, help kids as such, here's this cool looking ghost voiced by a fucking actor from the 60s and 70s that these kids don't know. What a dumb thing. And you could bear, I mean, again, a lot of this, it's a really bad mix.

I mean, again, I watch this off of a YouTube video, but you can't understand what he's saying half the time. Yeah, it's I mean, it's all bad. His register is too low and not cartoony enough? Yeah, because it's George C. Scott. He's not going to, you want me to be a cartoon, huh? I'm going to do this and you're going to like it. Because the contract

is signed. When I get on stage, I've got to get really quiet. I want to see the moment what his face looked like when he got officially offered the role of a cloud of marijuana smoke. It probably looked the same way it did the last 40

years of his life. Grimmest. No, it was that day Campbell Scott came back from Harvard and he caught him smoking weed in the garage. God damn it, Campbell! Campbell, I told you about this.

God damn it. You're too young and too relaxed. You're Scott, God damn it. Harvard, boy! I imagine he went to Harvard. What am I paying for? God damn it. Throws a bottle of scotch at him.

Drink of scuddy. So the cloud of marijuana smoke is like trailing this kid around and then Bugs Bunny. So they're smoking weed like at the park or something. And then they're like, oh no, the cops are coming. and cheese it. He's thinking about doing crack before the cops. Oh, though that's right. That's what it is.

Because this girl's dressed up like Blossom is like, you know, for $10, I could buy some mean crack rocks. And the other guy's like, yeah, that sounds great. And he's like, yeah, I think I'll try crack immediately after smoking marijuana. Why not? And that's always the spurious. That's the problem where just stick to pot. Like, there are dangers of pot.

Like, especially fucking 12 year old kids should not be smoking pot. No. No one's going to advocate that. No. So like just. Yeah, exactly. Responsible adults, 21 or over in the states of Colorado or Washington. You keep that in mind if you're listening.

Exactly. And, you know, just focus on that. Focus on like what that could do to your school work and blah-b-de-blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Go to this like, you're going to do fucking crack immediately afterwards. It's extreme. It's just like if you have any, yeah, your grades, it's your grade, that's over.

That whole life of yours of having grades is over because you took a puff and now you're, you're, you're going right off a cliff. And no athletes have ever smoked pot, Michael Phelps. So Bugs Bunny shows up and actually he's, because they think it's the cops, it's a silhouette of a cop. Turns out to be Bugs Bunny impersonating

a police officer. Yep. A far worse crime than being caught with marijuana or, hey, even crack. That's true. That's dangerous. That's real dangerous. And so he's like, the kid, Michael, is like, you're a talking rabbit.

And he's like, yeah, that's right. And I'm going to show you. I'm doing a better Bugs Bunny right now than the guy who does Bugs Bunny in this thing. Yeah, it's the first post-Mellank Bugs Bunny. And this guy just did not have it down. Yeah, it stinks. And so Bugs Bunny is like, I'm going to show you, you know, what you were two years ago or something. And then he, like, does a little acme magic.

And a time machine comes up. And you're just like, all right, kids, don't smoke weed because you're going to see a talking rabbit produce a time machine. out of a little cookie box size package. The most beloved cartoon rabbit of all time. Yeah. And so they go back in time for no reason, and they bring the George C. Scott Marijuana Cloud, which is stupid.

Like, if you're Bugs Bunny, you're like, no, you're not coming in my time machine. You're the problem here. You stay in this timeline. I'm going to take him back in time. I follow him around where he's high. You're not going to get rid of me. They go back in time two years.

There's a dumb joke. about how the past is in black and white ha ha ha ha. Yeah, there's some jokes in this. At mostly inopportune times by the way it's like, and then they're going to find you with the needle still in your arm and then someone like comes in and honks a horn

and balloons fly in somebody's face. It's all poorly timed. So it's like the kid playing football or something like that and then it's like, hey we're over here by the bathroom at this park, smoking marijuana. And he like tries it and

It's the best thing ever. They also have this one moment because in the beginning, George Bush Sr. is just like, drugs and alcohol. We're going to learn about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. And we never talk about alcohol at all except for one scene where the dad is weirdly taking a milk crate full of beer out of the fridge. And he's like, oh, three of my beers are gone. And the wife's like, you probably drank it while watching football last night. Well, okay, then.

That's the responsible way to be inebriated. I would love it, though. I bought this Anheiser-Busch, delicious beer. I would love it if he was like, I just noticed that there were exactly three beers missing. Doesn't that tell you I would remember drinking exactly three beers last night? If I'm keeping that much of a hawk-eye on my beer supply. And then this escalates into a big fight.

Oh, yeah. And it's like a, now it's a domestic violence cartoon. Why not? We're just shoehorning all this stuff into this 30-minute special. Oh, no, I'm missing three beers. Luckily, I have one in the toilet tank. man just hide that's see that's the thing alcoholics hiding booze around the house and stuff i don't know do people hide weed around the house no people that dependent on it you just keep it

the same box you always keep it in well keep that in mind alcoholics the fridge is fun but i just love like you know oh no more beer huh i guess i'll just switch to whiskey it's 4.30 of the afternoon. This cartoon dad. It's a hard cartoon life. It's fucking driving all the way to the cartoon plant coming back again every night. Oh, your cartoon boss chews you out that day? Oh my god, that guy

he's just drawn all wrong. You want nothing more than this guy to go home and while he's driving his car back to his big mansion, he's stricken with a cartoon heart attack. Drives off the side of the road, wrecks his car. Then you gleefully attend his cartoon funeral. Yeah, they shove his, just him in the cartoon morgue. That'd be great.

Maybe get a cartoon promotion, get a new hot cartoon wife. Now we're talking. Finally, he's as cold as my ice cold beer. With my government sanctioned beer. So at one point a Ninja Turtle shows up. Yes, which only Michelangelo. And he's the party dude. And the way he has his pizza, you know he's probably, and you know, he lives in the New York City sewers.

He's high on something. Well, I think that's the thing. It's like, basically they were like, oh, there's a deleted monologue of Michelangelo being like, I was down that road before, bro. Did lead anywhere good. I almost got taken out by the shredder because I tried to go into battle, Willstone. Oh, is that, that? I'm just imagining him on his marijuana benders where they got all those California accents.

They all went out west, you know, chill out in SoCal a little bit. Probably. And also, you're trying to tell me none of those other Ninja Turtles. And Splinter, the biggest opium head in all cartoon history, couldn't have been in this thing? Come on. Was there a budget cut? I don't understand. You drew one Ninja Turtle.

Just draw the other three. All this needed to be is 30 minutes of Master Splinter telling you a harrowing tale of his time somewhere in Asia on an opium bender and like he went down the wrong alley or something. Just have it grim death storyline. I slept on a stone slab for seven days. People used me as a bathroom. I remember where I read this, but that reminds me of there's a story about like Jack Kerouac. Apparently got so fucking drunk somewhere when he was a merchant marine and he like passed out by the toilet and people just like pissing on him and stuff. Oh, wow.

So hey, you know, this is, it's, it could have happened to master splinter. He had a very carouac-esque-life, I feel. I think he did. So at one point they're like, you shouldn't smoke marijuana because it'll mess up your brain. And the kid's like, my brain, huh? And then all of a sudden, we're on this like Temple of Doom-esque mind cart ride with a Muppet. With baby piggy, baby gonzo, and baby Kermit. And it's the trippiest, coolest, like, Jupiter and Beyond the Infinity animation sequence you've seen in any Saturday morning cartoon.

Again, just give me the science facts, you know what I mean? But they're not using science so they can't give you anything. They have to strike fear into your heart with awesome brain animation rides. Because there's no science in this. It's all shitty propaganda nonsense. Drug fear. There's no science here. So we're on this mine shaft thing.

This kid's freaking out, which is great. You got little gonzo taking pictures like, this is trippy. one of us one of us man you wake up a Muppet baby I'd kill myself oh yeah that is a real

gobble-gobble moment some huge old lady with long legs is just telling you what to do and be quiet

because the neighbors such and such and such because the neighbors don't know I'm running this fucking illegal nursery for monsters

in my house and people wouldn't be too cool about it the legal monster nursery now kids they're all going to get now kids

they're going to put you all to sleep if you don't be quiet oh dude I just realized Muppie babies was like room that book room they never left the nursery they never left the nursery that's why they used their imagination it's all they knew

thank God they could open their closet door and like a tie fighter would be coming at them some sort of excitement again you want to talk about fucking marijuana yeah oh fuck tie fighters in my closet but that's that's what's amazing too about all of this right like the ninja turtles

created by drugs the Muppets created by drugs alf are you kidding me like I don't even want the stuff that Alf was come up on you know no actually Alf was that permanent midnight that fucking Ben Stiller movie yeah that's by the guy

who created Alf or that's about the guy who created Alf are you serious I never saw that movie yeah he's got a serious drug problem so again just the wrongest of wrong I'm sure the Looney Tunes to... Oh, yeah.

Someone was smoking. They called them jazz cigarettes at that studio. George H.W. Bush. I mean, he's director of the CIA. He was into some... Something. He was into something. He was into something. He probably... He was the director of the CIA, like, in the 70s.

Bet you they were still doing, like, some of those LSD experiments. Right. Yeah. M.K. Ultra stuff. Yes. So again, we got a real pot call in the kettle black here with a lot of these cartoons. Telling me what to smoke. Hey, hey, W. You better watch this. cartoon, it'll teach you something. Lay off that fucking crack cocaine.

It'd be great if George H.W. Bush could take credit for creating Alf or something by slipping that guy drugs for years. It's an experiment bar. See what kind of a family nighttime sitcom he could come up with when he's

pumped full of MK. Ultra Bar. We'll ruin his life, but we'll reap all the benefits. Got to get all the residuals from those Alf DVD sales bar. Gotta air something on a Friday night bar. I mean, when the, I don't remember the network it was all.

Well, I think Alf was ABC. We'll tackle the Cheers Juggernaut with a little alien. It's about checks and balances, Barr. Cheers is becoming far too powerful. Going to get a cat-eat-an-alian to take down all those winos. American Broadcasting. system to... Makes perfect sense.

Wait, see? What does ABC stand for? I think it's American Broadcasting Corporation. Yes, there you go. What's the next monster that shows up in this thing? You got Huey Doe and Louie at one point. This is the song. So, Ui Doey and Lewis.

Oh, Jesus. And Ui Doey and Lewis show up. I don't call him Louis. It's Lewis. I'm not that acquaintance with him. He's a nice guy, but... So, and they're like, hey, what are you doing? And he's like, oh, I'm high on marijuana.

And they're like, Marijuana, oh, no, that's bad. It's not like Joe. It's not like Joe Pesci right before he gets murdered in Goodfell. Oh, no, marijuana. They start singing this song, and it's great because, like, they're just, it's like, When you're in trouble, you have to say no. And you can say no these ways. And then all these, you can't understand a word they're saying.

It's like, that's your chooser, pacifer. It's like the gremlin's singing fucking Snow White. I can't figure it out. And it's amazing because you can hear, you can understand what they're saying through the whole show. But this song, it's like, then Alf comes in. He's like, and the boy, do. And the kid's like, wait, what am I supposed to say when someone offers me drugs? Well, maybe you shouldn't have gotten high.

maybe you would have then enjoyed this song and could have heard it straight. It's so terrible. And they're all just singing and dancing. It's so dumb. And they all kind of just walk away after that. Like, this is a really awkward like, well, the song's over.

Hope you got a lot of information out of that. It's just, it just keeps going. It keeps going. Deffy Duck shows up at a bad scene. The girl gets tempted by George C. Scott is not happy enough. that he's got the soul of this young boy. He needs to go younger and deeper and younger. So he goes after the little girl,

and that doesn't go over too well. I think Winnie the Pooh shows up and saves her. Yeah. This guy's addicted to honey. Yeah, where's the sugar council to be like, no sweets? Yeah, this guy's so obese. Can't even fit into a hole in a tree.

He can't even fit in his house. He's a shut it. I'm not taking life lessons from Winnie the fucking poo. Honeypot. calling the kettle black dude again so then there's a scene where it's like alf's house of horrors oh my god it's so terrifying he's like hey why don't you come through this door i got something really messed up to show you and they walk it's a dead clown are you founded by the railroad tracks are you familiar with the works of a hp lovecraft

you know we got one of these on melmack we use it to torture traders after that i'll teach you about heinrich hemler So this is like, it's like the end of lady from Shanghai. It's like, Alf, this kid in Orson Wells are walking around this house of mirrors. And he's just like, you know, sometimes on drugs you look this way. And like they go in front of like different mirrors. And he's like, well, in this mirror, I look pretty cool. He's like, yeah, you look pretty cool.

Except you're stone. There's also one where one of the mirrors he looks like Michael Jackson from Thriller. He totally does. That's what happens when you do too much marijuana. You turn into Michael Jackson from Thriller. And then cat eyes. Then cat eyes and we're out of there. He winds up getting like flushed down something.

It's the second of two instances where he's flushed down a drain. Like Michelangelo flushes him in the sewer and then he gets flushed at the end of this House of Horrors for some reason. This is just like an Alice in Wonderland. Well, that's when, yeah, now he's running around this haunted amusement park where there's fucking Huey Dewey and Lewis roller coasters coming after him. They're like chasing him. Yeah, out and out buzz saws getting ready to chop this kid up. And you know what's bullshit about this whole thing? Is at the end of the thing, he finally realizes, oh, my God, I shouldn't do drugs.

I'm going to go tell my parents. End of all of it. Like, that should be the whole fucking thing is how to, A, me as a parent, how to talk to my kid. It's like, well, you know, it's like Alf said, you're going to be in an amusement park one day, talk to you later. Like, what, what am I supposed to glean from this as a parent or as a kid that's actually, news I could use. Yeah, like the end of this is the parents have still no idea how to talk to their children

and the kids just really want to smoke weed because all their favorite cartoon heroes know what weed smells like, what it looks like. They know enough about it that like they know you shouldn't do it because this will happen to you so you're like, all right, well, if Huey Dewey and Lewis know that this happens to you when you smoke weed,

I could make the assumption that Huey Dewey and Lewis have smoked weed. Yeah. Right. They've ran from buzz saws before. Yeah, exactly. Oh man Launchpad McQuack. It's what it smells like launch pad's jacket is what it smells like. That's what they call him launch pad.

That's why you can't fucking land a plane. Yeah, speaking of waking up with a needle in your arm, Launchpad McQuack. And I mean, you know, whatever. That's the end of it. He comes out of the closet it and like the girls like about to try a joint he like throws all this delicious weed on the floor and he's like you shouldn't do that neither should I let's go tell mom and dad about it no first of all no wait wait not after those three beers are gone and he's been drinking all

day yeah I made him switch over to whiskey because there wasn't enough beer in the fridge in the milk crate full of beer beats you bloody maybe I'll tell dad when Sunday night football isn't about to come on oh man the skins are down by 20 points can't do it I mean it doesn't that should be the thing it's like talking to your kids about this fucking thing and that's that's never

even the commercials that I learned from watching you and that like that like castrated dad is like oh you know like oh I stepped in it now there's that the Rachel Lee Cook thing never again not again not like let's talk about

this this is when you should do it this is when you shouldn't exactly and also not for nothing have like a parent in the room and the shot is like two kids sitting on the couch maybe it's even voiced by bob sag it do like a how i met your mother thing sure and you see like two hands come up and one's holding a bag of weed another one's hauling a fucking handle of whiskey and they just go the whiskey'll kill you this won't don't be stupid end of special or you could do nothing or you could just do nothing i guess and let your kid find out for themselves what's going to happen because that's inevitably what's going to go

on anyway. Well, that's kind of this dad's attitude. Like in the middle, she's like trying to work up the courage to tell dad, and she's like, I think Michael is really weird. And he's like, ah, you know what, Cindy? All teenagers are weird, which means, I'm going to stay out of it. Like, he's going to masturbate in his room.

Not going to talk to him about that. He's just going to figure it out on his own. He knows damn well that Michael Jr. stole Michael Sr.'s beers. But he has to be like, well, gee, mother, who took those three beers that were in the year? Like, he knows. and he's like, all right.

Gee, Mother, who's beaten off in their bedroom again? Gee Mother, these are a lot of cardboard-feeling socks in the drawer. Gee Mother, where are my issues of Hustler? Oh, I had them, dear. I'm sorry. So let me say I was not embarrassed watching this at all. I loved this. I watched it twice in one day. It's insane, and everybody should seek it out and watch it immediately.

Yeah, you should find it on our Facebook page. I was not embarrassed either. I think it's, I mean, it is kind of embarrassing, like all kind of propaganda is embarrassing, but... It's embarrassing in the sense that there were people in this country that thought this was a good idea. By the way, this was simulcast on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox. What? Yeah. This was like...

It was aired, and... This was like a presidential address. Bar, don't have time for that today. Just put on a cartoon. Not going to debate today. I'm going to put on a cartoon, and it's... place. You know what they call this? Second term.

You think that that's what got Clinton into the White House and aired this cartoon instead of a debate. I'm sorry that my distinguished opponent leads cartoons to make his target points. Slick Willie will always debate. Well, the cartoon worked on the caucus. Yeah, I smoked a lot of weed. I did. inhale. We'll figure that out a few years

from that point is, I showed up for this. It stayed in him the entire time. He never inhaled. No, he inhaled. He didn't exhale. Oh, then George C. Scott, the spirit of marijuana contributed to that Clinton body count. Yeah. He followed him all the way to the White House.

Yep, that's right. All these crooked land deals. Now we're talking. Show are your dick. And all the fast food. oh no george c scott i don't think i should have relations with his intern it might destroy my career oh do it here's a cigar you know what to do come on a dress it'll be funny so are we led to believe it was a comically large marijuana cigar oh i see they call that a godfather in the streets they do a little uh little something

from the Bronx on tonight's program. I mean, you roll out a cigar, you roll it all up with like, you know, 50 bucks worth of weed to call it a godfather. I say,

you know what? I've learned a lot today on this episode, a lot that I did not know. Well, you know, we tried to be educational here on animation damnation.

But I was a little embarrassed watching it because this is fucking weird. It's weird to be in your 30s watching this. It is weird, I guess. Not embarrassing weird, though. Well,

to each their own. You are, watching this at work. Well, imagine my embarrassing. Extra long lunch break today, A, Cisca?

Yeah. That's animation damnation. The first of two that will be coming to you this November. Somewhere down the line in a couple weeks

the other one will come out. It's going to be another listener requested one. Absolutely. Thanks again to Nick from Antarctica all the way out there. There was also a Mishka and a Ria who also wrote in

and some other people that I can't seem to find but thanks to everyone who wrote in and requested this exact same car it was seriously like 10 people so it was good on you everybody I think we should also quickly mention all the other stuff we have on that app

there's side order of sleezes there's on screen episodes there's a bunch of bonus content if you're new to this show you might not be aware of but there are a lot more for your ears you know what someone suggested we do it on screen

for is a bojack horseman I'd be down for that I gotta finish it I gotta start it oh it's great get ready to laugh until the next AD I'm Andrew Jupin Eric Siska Steven Sadek Take it easy