We Hate Movies - S5: Animation Damnation Summer Rerun: Joe's Night Out

Episode Date: August 6, 2015

Original Air Date: May 14th, 2014  What the gang thought of this cartoon episode: "You wanna give Ed Harris a heart attack, this is how you do it." - Chris Cabin "There's no fat G.I. Joes, huh?" - Steve Sajdak "Uh, it takes place in America!" - Andrew Jupin Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

All right, let me get a sip of a drink here. Yeah, I wish I could say that I was taking this drink while I was sitting by a pool somewhere sunny, but no, I'm rotting away in the heat in New York City, everybody. This is Andrew here. I just want to welcome you to this animation damnation summer rerun. As you know, we're sort of on a bit of a break here till mid-September. but we're playing uh spinning all the golden hits as it were uh whatever andrew uh last last this past tuesday uh we just aired the first of our summer reruns on w hm prime that was of course the new adventures of pippy longstocking uh and i thought you know i want to throw in some animation

damnation now if you're not familiar with animation damnation uh it's the brain child of our own stevedac uh you know a dude loves watching himself some shitty cartoons on YouTube. And he thought, you know, make this great little, you know, sidecast animation damnation. We pick some bad cartoons, pick an episode, and just kind of riff for a bit. Mainly it's us, you know, just like the movies, spoiling our childhood and yours. So, you know, this episode was originally what we call an app-only episode. If you happen to purchase our Libson app,

it was the only way to originally get this episode. But we wanted to make it public to everybody to celebrate the summer, to celebrate animation damnation. It's become really popular. It's going to continue, which does remind me, now that I'm here in my animation damnation soapbox, be sure to get your emails in to Steve. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com

because in September, we will be doing a listener-requested, animation damnation. That's right. Just like all of September, we're going to have listener request month for WHM Prime. We will be doing one, maybe two, if we have the time, so no promises, listener requested animation damnations. Now, normally with listener request month,

we have you guys call in to the WHM hotline, which again is 718925-3893, or our Skype username, We Hate Movies, all one word. But that's for WHM Prime only. For animation damnation requests, right into the mailbag, We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. And what we want from you is the cartoon,

the title of the episode from the cartoon, a little bit about why you think it's pretty crazy. And then either a streaming link, let us know if it's on Netflix, if it's on Hulu, or if it's on YouTube. Because listen, I am not using my Amazon Prime account to get some box set overnighted or something like that. not playing that game.

So it's got to be available on something we can stream. But get those emails in. Just like the calls, you have until August the 18th. After that, the request lines for both W.H.M. Prime and animation damnation are done zone. Now, the episode we're going to flash back to right now is an episode of G.I. Joe from the early 80s. The episode is Joe's Night Out. And, well, it's just really silly. It's the G.I. Joe's go to a nightclub and then they get blasted into space because it was the 80s and we're making cartoons.

So that's it. No outro from me at the end. Enjoy animation damnation. And you will be back. We'll be back in September. But we will be around next week with another WHM rerun. I forget what it is. Oh yeah. What did I say? Pointless Sequels. That's the clue. It's a pointless sequel. So look back through the catalog of episodes that we've done. And it's a pointless sequel. It's one of the several pointless sequels we've made episodes out of. So enjoy Joe's Night Out, and I hope you are enjoying your summer. There's no fat GI Joe's, huh? No. How are they going to do the work? They're running around shooting stuff.

I think it's more of like a date, like you're sitting down at a computer, like a super hacker. Like, yeah, it's the 80s, you can have a hacker there. There's a guy named Mainframe. He's a computer guy, but he's just another hunk like the rest of them.

Mainframe should be covered in like cheese doodle dust. Yeah, the fingers. Yeah, it's all over the, yeah. Oh, yeah, ew. Oh, yeah, and he's just wearing all these ill-fitting clothes. Like, he's got the, Basically, they won't make him custom clothes, so he's got to wear, like, you know, leathernecks old outfits. He should be wearing a G.I. Joe T-shirt.

Like, that's what I think it is is that, like, a secret Santa person just, like, gives him one of, like, a double XL bowling shirt. Here, this is what you should be wearing. I'm just going to suggest it this way. That's his G.I. Joe code name is bowling shirt. Well, at least it has a collar. Welcome to Animation Damn Nation Number 4. I am Andrew Juven alongside Christopher Cabin and Stephen Sadek. We're talking about an episode of G.I. Joe, Real American Hero.

The episode in question is Joe's Night Out, which aired, Jesus Christ, this fucking show, which aired November 10th, 1986. And I'm glad you used the indefinite article, Anne there, an episode of G.I. Joe. We're coming back. Don't worry. I mean, like, I know that everyone's going to be like, oh, you got to, let's. Because this show, it's amazing. Because I've watched a few episodes. This show is in two categories.

One, it's the Joe's versus Cobra doing things that make sense. They're on the battlefield and they're trying to infiltrate each other and that's fine. And then the other half of this show is the craziest shit in history. I prefer the craziest shit in history over the Joe Cobra Will They Won't They? Exactly. That's what this episode is. The craziest garbage anyone ever put on television. And I mean, they could have, I think they could have bowling shirt because.

in this episode and correct me if I'm wrong I've only watched this and like I think one other episode is dial tone's entire like specialty dialing the phone he's the receptionist

he's the guy who's really good at like calling collect really fast he was like their 10 10 220 guy because he's not really doing anything dial tone punch in the numbers other than like dialing a phone number from a page phone. That's all he really does

in this episode. Hawke is like, get me the president. And he's looking at a phone. He's like, dial tone? Because dialed tone's at lunch. Well, who's going to dial the president? We have an emergency on our hand. Who set dial tone out for lunch? I'll page him. Hold on. How are you going to page him?

We can't use the phone to page. Oh, God, we're sunk. Then just all the G.I. Joe's are bombed by Cobra. Well, I think that's the thing is it's not even so much that he can't dial the phone, but dial tone would give him so much shit if he ever tried to. What the fuck did you do?

What the fuck? I'm gone for 10 minutes. Look at this phone. Look at this keypad. You're just going to go underwater. Wet suit wouldn't like that. Don't dial my fucking phones then. Yeah, the Dialman Union 83.

He goes on strike. He's just picketing with one sign in front of the Joe command board. You know what, dial time? Just dial the fucking number, okay? Then you can go back. Nope. Nope.

I'm standing down. It's him, Dawn, and Shirley just hanging out. The rest of the receptionist pool. So I guess the idea of, I mean, like, you know, G.I. Joe's, but it's a toy commercial, obviously. I mean, it was four toys by toys. Written by toys, directed by toys. They're, like, playing with the toys of themselves in an...

Hey, Dalton, look at your new figure. Ain't it cool? You come with a phone. You come with a road. phone and a portable phone dial tone look at all these accessories you see you see duke's figure he can take the sunglasses off look at that oh yeah that's a new let's the thing is every time's like oh new toy oh well dial tone had to wear a new shirt this week new toy hey great i got hawaiian luau dial tone it's the same fucking guy with like a hawaiian shirt on also if bowling shirt existed in this in this in this alternate 1983 who we have going he

He's only available in two packs with better figures. Like it's like, oh, cool, little hawk. Oh, no, I got to buy bowling shirt, too. Well, I mean, because the thing with bowling shirt is that you have to buy him with command center. Because he's in permanent sitting position. You're goddamn right. He's plastered to a chair. And he comes with a bucket of fried chicken, a three-liter thing of diet soda.

And a coupon for Hawaiian Punch. I mean, I guess So this episode is... Oh, yeah, Joe's Night Out. The big episode of question. It's about... It's dial tone, leathernack, and wetsuit are all going on a triple date

to go to the new hottest nightclub in Jotown. I don't know where this takes place. It looks like the space middle. It takes place in America. Okay, you're right. You're totally right, Chris. The dance club in question is suspiciously shaped exactly like Seattle's Space Needle.

So like any old investor could put that right up. Funny. Yeah, there's no zoning permits whatsoever. It's funny you should say space, Chris, because it's actually a spaceship that launches these three shows and 30 odd patrons into space. Oh, my God. You want to give Ed Harris a heart attack.

This is how you do it. You're trying to tell me that they're all up there. Not one of them can fly the goddamn thing. he's got like some odd tubing and some duct tape and he's like well we got to make space suits I don't know what they got here some cocktail napkins Gary Seneese is back at the command center like well they thought I had whooping cough so I couldn't go to the nightclub turned out I didn't now leatherneck the idea here is that you're going to want to duct tape the suit around wetsuit oh that's how you're going to do it we'll get to that yeah so

I guess, like, what is the deal? Like, the Joes are so overworked in their battles with Cobra every day that it's like, you know what, guys, we just need a knot out on the town. Well, this was my question. Does not, so Hawke is the head of the Joe's or is it Duke? I don't know what that power struggles like, but I guess it's tense. Because it's usually. That's my guess is there's a lot of, okay.

You went over my head. You know, you know, the inter-office political bullshit. in the G.I. Joe headquarters. You got to be just drowning in it. You really do. It's an everyday thing. But whoever would be the secondary in that situation, I imagine gets girls for the GI Joe's all the time. I mean, they're on fucking special occasions.

Not special occasion. They're on special missions all the time. They've got no time for socializing. I imagine you have a service. Yeah, there's no, there is a guy named Shoreleave, which is kind of hilarious. Hi, I'm Shoreleave. I handle all the entertainment. Want a conch shell?

What does Shoreleave do? I don't know what Shoreleave does. I think I just exemplified what Shoreleave does. I will say that there's a 30% chance that Shoreleave is actually the name of a pastiche made up by the Venture Brothers, but that's entirely... Oh, okay.

But he might be a real one. I don't know. Venture Brothers, by the way, does have a lot of fun with the GI Joe's and the low-hanging fruit, which is all of the gay jokes you could make with... And it's not even low-hanging fruit. It's just, it is the fruit of the thing.

It's just what it is. It's the gayest cartoon I've ever seen, and it's amazing. It's the only thing you can enjoy in it. So it is just the fruit. I just love how there was guaranteed, like, all these, like, horrendous, like, homophobic dads out there that are like, now finally, there is an American show that I can put my son in front of and let him watch it. I won't watch it with him, though. I just know that G. I just know that G.

Joe finds for America. And then there's these dudes in, like, leather daddy uniforms running. all over the place. And it's like, oh, I don't want my son reading a book. That's gay. Hey, go play with your G.I. Joes. Go in the dark basement with these G.I. Joes and make them do stuff to each other. Take off bowling shirts, bowling shirt. And see, here's the trouble is that guy's son. When he is in a club and it shoots up into outer space, he's not going to, he's going to do the wrong thing. He's going to try to make a makeshift fucking suit and it's just going to be trouble. Yeah, this is a bad life lesson if you ever get stuck in space.

So basically, two, because, yeah, they're burly dudes, they've all got mustaches. Every, almost every last one of them has a mustache. Two of the people out of the, out of the sample size of three that we're stuck with, have mustaches. Both leather neck and the other one, and dial tone. I also don't believe that any of the Joes enjoy the top button. Oh, no, no. I absolutely do not think any of them have one. So, I mean, to butcher it up a little bit, to, you know, straighten it up.

bit in case the parents are coming into the room, they all have dates. I think dial tone's got a girlfriend and he brings two girls for wetsuit and leatherneck to all go to the club. Yeah. And, you know, so that they could ignore them the entire time and just talk about Joe stuff.

And leatherneck has the dud. Leatherneck does get stuck with the dud and it's a real like, oh great, an ugly chick. I'm leatherneck. Like, when they get to the club, he's, she's like, don't you want to dance with me, leatherneck? And he's like, no, where's the arcade games? I got to kill something.

Where's Wetsuit? Is he in the bathroom? He better be in the bathroom. Man, and the dude who is doing Wetsuit's voice, by the way, is some sort of Nick Nalty impersonator. And it doesn't fit the body that's drawn for him at all. Because, like, the body, I've been talking about this guy a lot lately, and I don't know why, but the body of Wetsuit looks like Michael Jeter, character actor Michael Jeter, right? Yeah. And then it's like, oh, God damn it, Leatherneck.

What the fuck am I supposed to do in the bathroom with you? As for Christ's sakes. Hey, wet suit. I think the photographer is left. We could ditch these chicks. I just love the idea that the Joe's are being followed around by paparazzo at all times. Oh, TMZ is all over. Just hounded by them.

They're hounded by Cobra Commander hired Shutterbug. That's his name. Photograph them Shutterbugs. So they get into this club And no sooner that they get into this club That it shoots off into space And everyone's like, wait, what? And apparently they're

Speaking of power struggles, this season, the second season of this show No, Cobra Commander gets usurped By somebody called Serpentor Yeah Sorpentor is terrible I was so much looking forward to Cobra Commander being in this because I love that voice

and he's not even in this episode he's really he's in the following episode which by the way is an episode where Cobra Command feels the need to speak with the media on like a 24 hour news network that's what we were just watching a little bit of that might be for another day it falls in that second category man

I better talk to Fox News. Well, I think that's the thing is probably after the first season, Barry Gib or whatever, whoever the fuck is do with the voice, it's probably very good for the VGs. It's just like, I can't anymore with the, with the Cobra Commander voice. It's just, it's, I can do it for a little while, but then I go home. I can't even talk to my kids. Half my paycheck is hot green tea and honey. I mean, that's not a way to live, man. So Serpenter shows up and he's like, yeah, I shot up into space.

There's some other scientist named Dr. Mullaney who's working on a nitrogen-buelled something or other. So it's the 80s. It's the early 80s. And we're still really burned by that gas crisis. Thanks a lot, Carter. And so what he's doing is he's developing like a new system of, you know, energy and fuel. and whatever it's it is somehow powered by nitrogen i don't really know but it's great because the other guy that he's talking to cassette deck or whoever that's that's mainframe oh that's

mainframe oh yeah because he's like hey mainframe i need some of your expert computer skills to help me with a problem and he says uh mainframe says he's like oh wow that's a whole new source of energy we can kiss that fuel crisis goodbye and all the eight year olds are like what Yeah, exactly. But the best thing is, so, Mullaney's doing this for the good of the world. But Cobra only wants this to, like, fuel their jets and, like, save on that ever-loven fuel bill. You know what I mean? Like, it's not, it seems like it's a dollars and cents kind of decision.

I believe it. I mean, but, like, frankly, it's a good idea for Cobra. I mean, man, I mean, if anything I can imagine, they're using a lot of, it's fuel. Oh, yeah. You're flying to all these missions. you're constantly losing the amount of electricity being used in that fucking headquarters well because think of it this way too they get in some sort of situation where they battle the joes right like the joes always come out on top and maybe you know cobra sends x amount of fighter pilots to go in there are choppers or whatever yeah and they all get shot down because they're defeated well then they have to send the same amount to go pick all these guys up yeah i mean that's a two million dollar operation right there $2 million losing operation. Just for some failed weekend in Nicaragua.

You're not even accounting for the rest of the month. So that's, so he's like, all right, look, I have, I have your, and it doesn't make any sense. I've shot your whole team, your three favorites in the space. But that's that, and here's the thing, because I don't know G.I. Joe and I don't care. And I was like, are these the three MVP's of the Joe's? No, no. I didn't know what suit existed. Oh, fucking now you do. God damn.

I'm the hero in this episode. I mean, if fucking bowling shirts up there, I'm going to send the fucking Marines, but... Send the fucking Pope to get him. I mean, then we have a fucking issue on our hands, but like, fucking leatherneck, goddamn dial tone. Yeah, dial tone's pretty low. No one's like, ooh, I got dial tone for Christmas. Maybe if leatherneck is with Duke and fucking Hawk, then I'm like, you know what, yeah, now we got whatever the... You throw a roadblock up there?

Which one's the guy in the, uh, in the opening theme song number that looks like Sergeant Slaughter? That is Sergeant Slaughter. Wait, what? Yeah, he went, he went both ways, man. He was animated and a professional wrestler. Yes, somehow, some way. Like, you... Oh, man, was he, like, bringing other wrestlers onto the show?

I don't remember that part, but I do know, yeah, Sergeant Slaughter was on the show. They wrote him in, and he's just, he does his own voice. And he makes the opening credits. He's like, character in the center running at the camera. Yeah, a friend of mine had him. I was like, holy shit. Jesus, I make a joke that I think. is going to be an impossible thing.

Nope. And it turns out to be reality. Isn't that something? So they're all... Get with G.I. Joe. So they're all stuck in space. But he's like, all right, they're in space, and I'm going to blow them up in space, unless you give me Dr. Melania and his technology.

Why not just put a fucking bomb on this nightclub and save again a million dollars from launching this shit at display? You think it's only a million dollars. Oh, man. Space launches, you guys, are pretty price. As it turns out

Cobra has to have two fucking like space shuttles Ready to go To blow this fucking thing up I just I don't understand what Like just fucking put a bomb in there Like hey I got a bomb in the nightclub Anybody comes near that nightclub It's gonna explode

Same results everybody's dead Exactly it's called taking hostages Yeah exactly chain around the door Turn the heat up See if they kill each other You know and then yeah Just be like yeah there's a bomb on the other side you can't come out.

Don't, you better not try to open this door. There's a bomb on the other side. Oh, man. Don't look. Don't look. No, the bomb's there. But don't look. Don't look.

If I had like $300,000 that I could just throw somewhere, I would pay someone to animate. And I would cast the voice for 12 Angry Men with G.I. Joe characters. $300,000. I think you could probably get it done with Flash animation. That's definitely not too expensive. That's what I'm saying. $300,000. Well, it's a 90-year.

minute picture man that's you're talking the whole thing oh yeah not just a funnier die sketch you want the whole thing I want the whole damn thing the licensing is going to kill you I got to tell you is because what Destro stands up and starts talking about all the other races and everyone turns around

I want that shit to hit I want that to land sure you know if you use the same animation style as that cartoon that we're talking about guaranteed it's not going to land this is some of the worst animation I've ever seen well here the thing is I guarantee you wetsuits the one has to get has to take it to the Mets game.

Yeah. I'm almost positive of it. Back to the animation, yeah. The, the central animation's bad. The character design's okay, but the moving them around is difficult. It's one of those things where you totally blew your load on the opening, like, theme song. Yeah. Yeah.

Minute and a half or whatever. And the background characters in this nightclub look like Ross Chast drawings. You know what I mean? They're all just like squiggly. No, I don't know what you mean. She's like the Kathy cartoonist for the New Yorker. Oh. Like she does some of the worst drawings I've ever seen.

I've been looking for an excuse to dig it, Roz Chast. And that was it. The pig says my wife is a slut. Essentially. But they're just garbage. They're lumps of clay that don't move. Like the nightclub patrons are garbage. You know what?

She's going to get paid $300,000 of Roz Chast. Probably. She's doing all right. She's doing better than. me. Kathy cartoons are bad though, too. Well, yeah, they're poorly drawn, is what they are. When Kathy's eating

like a pint of ice cream and I can't tell which one's Kathy and which one's the pint of ice cream, you need to fucking try harder. Cartoon strip. But yeah, speak, you know, like there are cells missing in this. You'll get like, sometimes hilariously, they fill in

the flesh around Dr. Mullaney's beard to be white. So it's like, it looks like a cat. for some of this episode It's so So bad And I mean You know

I guess it's because It's just a toy line That's making a cartoon Who knows how much money Hasbro had to Shell out for this thing In the first place Oh and there are repeated stills

By the way Oh yeah All over There's There's recycled sequences In this for sure Just to make sure Make sure we get it

Under that fucking $10 budget I've brought up The theme song Sequence a couple times Just to go back to it for one second This is one of the worst theme songs of all time Yeah

It's like your dad Trying to sing something Yeah And it's a lot of just like When I'm doing this And you're doing that And you need a bunch of steak sauce Gia Joe

It's so stupid It doesn't go anywhere It's not catchy It's not getting in your head That's for sure No you want to leave I mean like you're trying to get me To want to stay around for this

20 minutes of fucking who knows what So it's a pot boiler in space right. We're all locked in. And so the Joe's realize leatherneck mainframe and or leatherneck the fucking three idiots up there. Dial tone leather neck and wet suit. Yeah. They realize that help is not on the way because

Cobras made that impossible because they're sinking trillions of dollars into this operation. And they're like, well, we have to get the explosives. First things first, we have to get the explosives off the spaceship. You know what, wetsuit? You could hold your breath for a long Sure can. I can hold my breath for almost four minutes. I can handle being in space. Whatever fifth grade kid wrote this episode has no idea how space works. No, James Colburn. I'm quitting. Drink. Wait. Well, sorry. Wrong script. Got a right here.

I learned how to hold my breath with Barbara Streisand was talking to be about my old childhood. And wetsuit is the Prince of Tides. That works. That actually works. So he's like, all right, there's explosives out here. I can go out into space, wrapped up in garbage bags. He makes a space suit. He MacGyvers a spacesuit out of garbage bags, duct tape, and a fucking fishbowl. Make sure you put the tape on tight.

I don't want any air escaping. Hey, Leatherneck, why'd you bring duct tape to this nightclub? No reason. I see. So you're sealing the door shut with easy cheese. Yeah, that's the other thing is he's got like some fucking paste that one of the lady G.I. Joe's made. And he's like, well, this will be perfect. I got the paste that Jenny made for us.

And they start, like, sealing off a fucking doorway or something. I'm like, why again did you bring this? Oh, hey, Leatherneck, why did you? Why did you bring this Q. Lazarus CD with Goodbye Horses on it? Now, Raisin. Why did you insist on traveling to the club with this beat-up couch in the back? The funny thing is, like, because they're G.I. Joe's because they're not going to reanimate anything ever. Oh, of course not. No.

Leather, one of them has grenades on his person the entire time. He comes to the fucking dance club with grenades. And I'm sorry, if I'm a bouncer, G.I. Joe or no. Hey, man. you got to leave them outside you don't leave those those live grenades outside I think it's it's not shockingly I think it's again

dial tone who's got some great lines when they enter the club because there's a dude standing there who's like the mater D or you know the bouncer or something and he goes uh he's like hey boss video system you have in here or something like that and then uh he's like

who installed it and the guy's like uh oh I don't really know it's my first day as a matter of fact it's all of our first days and the girl's like that's great this place is brand new and he's like I don't know about that Cindy you may want to hold on because if it's one thing I know about nightclubs it's that the wait staff is usually hired weeks in advance I'm like what you're a fucking GI joke what are you even talking about right now he had to be in college sometime Andrew all right I've been to all sorts of nightclub openings it's just it's

unbelievable this episode so then wetsuit goes you know he's out in space and starts talking about his you know dead daughter and i'm just drive around listening to the radio oh wait hey george cluny oh no you're an illusion now i got a man this chinese vessel back to earth well that's the thing so he goes out in garbage bags and and excuse me and a six of soda for propulsion less do we forget that's how he's getting back to the fucking ship

so he's got a good plan and the only reason the only reason wetsuit goes out there and not dial tone or not leatherneck is because he could hold his breath for four minutes

which is impossible but all he does when he's out there is flap his fucking go and not hold his breath he's yip yapping from the second this garage door pod bay opens and lets them out. And he's just like disabling this one. He's like, oh, it looks like a real party out here, Joe's and Dialton's like, that's hilarious.

It's like, shut the fuck up. Hey, Dalton, did I ever tell you about the time I can definitely hold my breath for over four minutes? I'm going to do it eventually. Not now, though. I want to keep talking to you, Dialtone. I'm going to make space my bitch out here. Oh, Dialton, I think I'm going to vomit up my lower intestine. because space is there.

Man, I would love it. If I had more than $300,000, I would just like to get a suicide, somebody who wants to commit suicide to go out into space in a bunch of garbage bags in a fishbow and see how that shit really plays out. Oh man, it would be pretty cool.

Science majors, please write in. If you know what would happen to someone. I mean, there must be torn up from the inside out, right? Like, just, I don't know. It's not, it's definitely because the one time I was like, that's bullshit was, to Mars when Tim Robbins just turns to stone. Yeah, that's not accurate.

Yeah, I don't believe that's true. Space doesn't have the Medusa effect on you, but I think it's a thing where like you're, it's so cold out there. I think there's a lot of flash freezing involved, but again, I watch movies for a living and I'm not a space scientist. No, definitely not. So, you know, if anyone out there knows what's going on, we all hate movies at gmail.com. Additionally, if you are looking to commit suicide, we'll try to raise the money to send you

to space. and garbage bags. And also, Mission to Mars is a good place to start. If you're looking to commit suicide, Mission to Mars is a very good way. So because Dialtone can't keep his, not dial tone, wetsuit can't keep his mouth shut, he passes out before the last explosive goes down. Which, it's a real, what the fuck did you think was going to happen? And they go out, they save, they pull him in because he's got a tether line.

I don't even know what they use for the tether line. Like, I think it's like fruit by the foot. It's probably food by the foot. Yeah, I would imagine. I also brought this extension cord with me. Don't ask why. The girls are just like, oh my God, thankfully we were kidnapped and blasted into space. I think they were going to kill us.

Don't have a tool camp, but we do have luncheables. I didn't know if this dance club was going to have food. Oh, I'm so embarrassed, says Dial. all those ham discs That shit is poison It's poison for children You want to kill your kid, give him luncheables And leather neck goes out

He gets his own, apparently There are so many garbage bags in this nightclub Well, it's brand new Yeah, it's clear that Cobra was prepared To open a fully functioning nightclub With the hopes that one of the days In its operation The Joes would show up to it

Because that's the other thing of this, They are ready to go with this nightclub day one, knowing that the Joes are somehow going to be inexplicably attracted to going to the grand opening of a new nightclub in town. Well, I mean, Diddy was going to show up. Well, wait a minute, it wouldn't be Diddy. It'd be like Adam Ant was going to show up. Yeah.

And then they were going to have a big party. Well, no, I mean, you're right, though. But the thing is, dial tone loves a night out. So you know you've at least got dial tone in that nightclub. Hey, boys, I heard that Kenny Loggins is playing the opening of the new nightclub. of downtown. Canny Loggins, sign me up. Hey, do they have arcades?

Hey, Leatherneck, you want to come? Because last time I went out with Dialtone, it got real weird after 2 a.m. I'd like someone to monitor my drinks. It's just when Dialtone is around. Dialtone kept saying all this stuff about how he had to pull

over to go to the bathroom, and I kept reminding him that it was a 10-minute drive from the club back to the base. Dialtone would not shut the fuck up about whether or not Mr. Loggins is going to play the entire Candy Shack soundtrack.

I don't know, man. Also, also, the other whole thing in this, right? They are negotiating, like, we're going to blow them up unless you give us the scientist because we want to steal the engine, blah, blah, blah. This is a hilarious continuity error in this thing, or it's just like a

cut scene, I guess, because we have to have so much shenanigans at this dance club. The Joe's launch like they go to an actual like U.S. military base and the guy there is like, hi, I'm General Puffin stuff, whatever. Here's the ships that you're going to, you know, launch off

to go save your friends or whatever is happening. And they're like, oh, thanks a lot, General. And then they cut to Cobra and the guy, what's his name? Salamander? Serpentor. Oh, Sirpentor is like, oh no, the Joes are going to launch a strike. Well, we'll send someone to fuck

them up. And then not, you don't see anything. And then back at the Joe base they're like oh no the cobra totally shot down our rescue mission i was like why can't i see that why can't i see some action i got all these nerds in front of computers and i got a bunch of idiots floating around with soda in space well there is that line and it's like a lie that's in almost every like whenever action happens in the gi joe universe i imagine this line goes on with let's just have some of our guys up there in case cobra attack let me tell you some here, guys.

Cobra is always going to be attacking. Every single time, just have them ready. Yep, yep. Just also, though, you bring up a good point. Much like Alan Rickman taking over Nakatomi Tower. Like, why aren't some of these dance club patrons actual cobra employees? Yeah. Settle those fucking Joe's down.

Some suppressive force. Yep. You know, get some hostages going. Like, you don't have enough cobra to lose on a mission like this. like, oh, no, no, no, it's definitely not going to go into space. And we have the secret, you know, escape pod for you and fucking, you and switchblade there, whatever the fuck, you know. All right, so let's wrap this up. So they launch a successful rescue mission, sort of.

Sort of. And then basically, you know, leatherneck goes, you know, wet suit passes out, leatherneck gets his own space suit goes out and diffuses the last bomb. He gets back in. And then they land this fucking nightclub from space. And no one's Wetsuit Thankfully tells everyone to hold on Oh man

Oh it's my favorite part He's like Hold on This spaceship's about to crash land I mean you're all gonna die But you might be in one piece If you hold on And it's like bad Star Trek choreography

They're kind of like Whoa No no no Everyone's dead Christopher Reeve would have been the lucky You know what I mean Like if you woke up And you were like

Completely paralyzed Paralyzed from the neck down you'd be like, wow, I, I'm so fucking lucky. I'm the luckiest man alive. Like, I should be dead. Everyone should be dead. I should definitely be dead. I use a breathing tube to get around, but man, oh man, am I the luckiest man alive?

I can think. I can think. And everyone else is fucking dead. Here's a side note about Superman. Uh-huh. You know, like when Batman and Superman are alone in room together, they're working on a case. You know, Batman will be like, you know what, Clark? You got to shut the fuck up.

Superman, like, you know, you're right, Bruce. We are, oh, we, there's, there's no real names. It's all dial tone, mistletoe, and whoever the fuck else. Here's what I think that is, though, because the Joe operation is so secretive. They don't know who's who. Oh. You know what I mean? Like, you don't know of dial tone to Clark.

Yeah, exactly. You're just hired. You know nothing. That's why it's very dangerous that they're going out to this nightclub in the first place. It's very dangerous. Well, it's probably, oh, I mean, it's. probably a lot of trouble because like you have to have then you have to have codes for all your like security staff or all your your your HR representatives but listen if you have

it down in HR listen to some of these nicknames we've been talking about I don't think they'd have a problem calling someone cabinet hey cabinet we really need you up here toenel clipper get over here uh hey dial tone I don't I think I should be nervous I was just called in by somebody named pink slip oh no man you must have really messed up i thought we were all contracted and he's bringing in class action oh no oh the legal counsel class action leather neck has had a few run-ins with class action

well i don't think they should be on the base in the first place that's really that's not up to you leathernnecks I mean so you know the Joe's saved the day who gives a fuck and basically the the planes that Dr. Malaney soups up for

Cobra blows up and it's like ha ha ha ha and Sir Pentor and for the four comic book nerds who like this looks exactly like Copperhead from the DC universe hooray nothing from the other end of the room

is His little catchphrase, which is really irritating. Oh, yeah, it is. Is This Eye Command. And he's just like, at the end, he's like, we'll get them, this I command. And it's the same, it's talk about recycling stuff. It's the same take of This I Command.

Peppered throughout this little episode. Man, all right. Was anyone embarrassed watching this? I was laughing so hard. I became embarrassed at myself for getting to Dom DeLois's levels of laughter. It's that silent giggle it up And then just you know The chest is going automatically

And there's just nothing There's no laughs coming out You're just wheezing and sweating and crying Yep I mean there might have been some embarrassment in there But it was mostly confusion I mean like 90% of it was like what the hell What?

Because there's so many nicknames going on You couldn't tell who was who Under all those mustache And then something we didn't even bring up Is all the science the science nonsense That goes on Again because when the writer of this episode

was done writing this episode that person twanged their typewriter went, hey, mommy, I did it. I wrote a G.I. Joe episode. They go to space and a dance club. Tucker did a wonderful job. Yeah.

Written by Tucker. Yeah, I wasn't embarrassed by this. It's just so fucking stupid. I was never a G.I. Joe fan. I mean, I'm a fan of laughing at it hysterically and making fun of it. But I didn't grow up it i always knew what it was was never interested in it i wasn't interested in military related

cartoons like that's a couple weeks ago community did this pretty funny episode where it was all them as g-i-jo characters which was pretty funny but i i didn't give a shit about g-i-jo so it was just like kind of all right i'm watching an animated episode of community yeah yeah i don't know i mean it's it's a little it's kind of like he man where it's a little older than us i think where, you know, it's like 83 and 84, you know, that's kind of... I mean, I will say that I definitely, I had some figurines. Yeah. I had some toys of G.I. Joe, but I never watched a lick of this.

I mean, because I think honestly, and that's, the toys were a great line. There was a billion of them and like, the adventures you would make up for these G.I. Joe's far surpassed anything you could watch on the television. You never played outside and had them go to a spaceship dance club. I did. I missed that one. I'm not that clever. I mean, I did think of one where there was a hostage situation in a Ben and Jerry's. Get bowling shirt in here.

We've got to eat our way out. Oh, I'm a bowling shirt to exist. That's how they... Well, kidnap bowling shirt. This I command. Turn that Ben and Jerry's into a space station. Are you guys seen bowling shirt? No.

All right. Where's a Hawaiian shirt? His replacement. I think it's the same guy. No, it can't be. Hey, call up Craigslist. He'll put on a listing. Oh, yeah, Craigslist, by the way.

You're clear. That corridor of Joe first. That's Animation Damnation, episode four. We will definitely be coming back to G.I. Joe, Real American Hero, at some point. Until next time, I'm Andrew Juppin. Steven's hit. Chris Gavin. Take it easy.

Thank you.