We Hate Movies - S5 Ep170: Timecop

Episode Date: September 16, 2014

On this episode, the gang celebrates the 20th anniversary of the legendary Timecop! Why did they need those rocket cars to time travel? Why is Ron Silver carrying out this ridiculous time robbery scheme? And how are they not recognizing their one-decade-older selves? PLUS: A twenty year mystery is solved. Timecop stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Ron Silver, Mia Sara, Bruce McGill and Gloria Reuben; directed by Peter Hyams. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hey gang, the clock is ticking for you to get your call in for November's listener request month. Well, it is ticking unless you have access to a jet powered time machine that drives into a wall. In which case, in six years from now, you can get your requests in for this one, question mark. You're already getting messed up in like time travel logic and we haven't even started talking about time cop yet. But we're going to say this. Our 10-year rule is off the table. Any movie is fair game. As long as it's not something we've done before,

check out our episode tab on our website to figure out what it is we've done before. Also, like, if you can time cop a future movie back, we'll totally do that. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Can you time cop us back that shitty Justice League movie that's not going to come out to like 2018 or whatever?

I want to check that out. An easier time caught me back, which is, you know, less time cop gas you need. Is that Mercury Rising? No, what is it called? Oh, Jupiter ascending. Jupiter ascending, not Mercury Rising. Mercury Rising, also available to be an episode.

Also, I'm going to throw this out there. I've got like four or five movies in my back pocket, which I'm calling Steve Select. And if you just so happen to choose it, it's going to make an episode. Oh, so if someone reads your brain. Yeah, exactly. And I will reveal if it's a Steve Select on the episode. So you have until 11.59 p.m. on September 30th to get your call in

718-925-38-9-3 is the We Hate Movies hotline. Right, you got to get those Steve Selects in... Yeah, if you guess is Steve Select. It's going to be a select-cut episode. It is. And it's better than the Erica Races, which is a lot of the episodes, just erases them. A lot of the calls, you just erase it.

Yeah, I time-copped them to not existing. 718-925-3893. This November, you tell us what to watch. Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Siddak. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning in to our fine program. If you're new to the show, welcome. We're about to travel through time with, that's so stupid, with 1994's Time Cop, directed by Peter Hymes, who's also directed such classic films as Sudden Death, 2010, the year we make, Contact, which I actually think is a good movie, The Relic, and a prior We Hate Movies episode, stay tuned. Director is Stay Tuned, directed Time Cop. Do with that what you will, Eric. I will figure something out.

What I like is he was appropriately creeped out by Jeffrey Jones that he didn't have him come back for Time Cop. Like, he didn't make his stable of actors. I was kind of wondered, do people get offended? like somebody like you know like a Kevin Smith or who uses the same people all the time I'm totally fine If you're not

If you're not one of those guys Like if you're There's a lot of people in the West End West Anderson universe that doesn't come back all the time Oh yeah yeah Like you never know if it's like you were you were busy Or you just weren't asked That's a good call I don't know

I don't know how I mean yeah I would Here's when you get upset it's as if here it's when you're in one movie and you have a really great time and you think that everybody on the Wes Anderson crew loves you

and then you hear like oh Wes is casting his next movie and you're like oh fuck yeah back with the Wes Anderson crew these guys are great and then all of a sudden like the movies out and you're like wait I didn't get called back like I think if you think you're part of the crew

and it turns out you're not that's disappointing it's going to be interesting when Adam Driver eventually edges out Adrian Brody, and he's like, oh, come on. I think Adam Driver's great, and he can totally do that. Just make sure Roman Polansky doesn't win you in Oscar, because then no one's going to hear from you again, Adrian Brody. People have heard from him?

I mean, yeah, but like... I think he's doing well now, right? He's in Houdini, which is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. That's a sci-fi? Yeah, no, it was History Channel. Oh, excuse me. Rasputin makes a cameo in that movie. I'm not even getting you.

Does he cast a spell on him and kill him? Well, it's just one of those things where he's with, he's with King Nicholas or whatever, or Tsar Nicholas, and there's this guy in the back, and it's like, that's obviously respute. Oh, wow, it's a Rasputin extra? He doesn't say anything? Well, no, but then eventually he's like,

and what's your name? He's like, Rasputon. And he just floats out of the room, like no sparrantu. He turns into a pile of bats. Oh, my God. And it's on. the history channel. It's on the history channel. History channel. Yeah. Anything for a dollar. Yeah,

any networks. Speaking of history, time cop opens up in the old West or the Civil War, which is the old west. It's the old South. The old South. Yeah. I was like, oh yeah, full disclosure, I had not seen this movie since like I rented it on VHS when it came out on VHS. I haven't seen it since. So it's kind of interesting the way my memories played with this movie. But I was like, wait what on earth i had no memory of this part i was like civil war what and then i was like oh yeah it's time cop i was really hoping that van dam was going to somehow time cop his way into the civil war like

oh by the way we just get this out of the way up front uh the day we released this episode september 16th 2014 well who knows but it is the if it is 2014 this is the exact the exact the exact of the 20th anniversary of TimeCop hitting theaters. Wow. Exact day. That's pretty great. See, everyone else was, people online were guessing, oh, maybe it's going to be Street Fighter or some other 1994 movie.

No, no, no, no. Exact day. Down to the day. This is a real anniversary. We're checking our watches for TimeCop. I feel like I might have seen this opening day. That's entirely possible 20 years ago. Oh, you saw it in theaters?

Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, wow. What about you? I think I might have, not open. I don't think it was opening, but I probably saw it in theaters. Wow. Yeah, no, this was a straight-up rental for me. Because this was like a, my parents were like,

we know what kind of movie he makes. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I had my fat kid shorts in September, you know what I mean? Very nice. Very nice. Yeah, absolutely. From one to another. So there's all these like, you know, Confederate soldiers just kind of moseying down a trail.

And then there's like one guy and they're like, well, say, do you want to get out of the way? And there's this standoff. And I'm like, where the fuck is Jean-Claude Van Dan? And then this guy takes out two. It's actually when the fuck is Jean-Claude Van Dam. Yeah, you're right. It's not a question of where with Time Cup,

but when is Jean-Claude Van Dam? And this dude just fucking shoots these guys. It's like a real, like, I heard you got gold in there. And they're like, well, who told you that? Get out of the way. And then, like, these five guys are ready to kill. kill this one dude he turns he turns in a couple of future blasters and fucking mows these guys down right they're like uh like these like assault rifles that are pretty slick these are the most

over designed weapons you'll ever see like none of them make any sense they're all like cylindrical and yeah just like blocky and yeah these like little like mini cannon blaster looking things but what's funny is this weapon in particular is from the year 1994 right yeah because they they they talk about it in the Senate briefing. Oh, that's right. This is the initial robbery. And this is also the first time crime in reported history. It's the first time crime in all of time.

Yeah. But what makes no sense about it is, and this is a big, it's like the biggest plot hole of this movie. I mean, you really need to like look as you're walking through this movie, keep your eyes on your feet because you might fall into a plot hole. Like you might really sink right in. Listen, don't look down. Because the whole thing is then we go to this Senate briefing in 1994. It's like that scene

I'm sorry, it's like that scene in Last Crusade where Indiana Jones throws like sand on nothing. And he's like, oh, there's the one Thrin trail. Yeah, there's the path to walk on. Yeah, a leap from the lion's head, yeah. Well, because the whole thing is we're told in the Senate briefing

that a scientist has just invented time time. He's just done it. And the president knows about it. Yeah. So Clinton, is aware of Oh shit Time to go back And set right

What once went wrong A.k.a. me sticking a cigar In a girl's vagina. I don't think that happened yet, did it? In 94? No, it was it second term? Ah. Well, maybe he has to go back

And marry Jillian Flowers Instead of Hillary Rodham. No, I'm going to go back And so. Excuse me. I could expose myself to Marilyn Monroe. I'm going to do the Kennedy tour, man.

It's been my dream. Take that Joe DiMaggio. You may hit home runs at Yankee Stadium, but I hit home runs in Hollywood. Just show my willy to people. He's just going, zipping through time, exposing his genitals to whoever. Hey, gang is con. Take a gander at this.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. it's bidecondrial eve here's my Willie you haven't seen that it's circumcised baby and then in the future now oh my god Bill Clinton created original sin

you definitely did finally women off the hook so but this is the plot hole that I'm talking about though we're told that fucking time travel was just invented and they're like we also have proof that time crimes are happening I was like wait a second

you just said that the scientist just invented how do low life criminals have it on their hands well you know it's just is a vague term many years ago well i guess the i know you know they're from the future that's exactly i think that's exactly it because i feel like we just came up with something oh wait they're from the future well because that's what we're cracking time cop that's why that guy has those crazy guns oh shit he's from 2004 or something no that's it that's it that's because ron's Silver is starting up his presidential campaign and needs financing. Yeah.

This is why, by the way, we need to, you know, we should just have public financing. Yep. We really need campaign finance reform before time travel is invented. Because we're sunk. Yeah, you're going to have fucking time crimes everywhere to where you go. You have all those, the Coke scumbag brothers doing all sorts of time crimes? I don't need that. Oh, if there's anyone doing time crimes, it's these guys.

Dude, I want to go back in time to when the Koch brothers were like conceived and fucking punch their father in the face distracting him from the ultimate climax see you would want to do that but they oh they're a slippery bunch there they'd already have gone back and like knocked up the pharaoh and they'd be like

have the oh I see what you're saying I got you're Cleopatra whichever one they're feeling and then you got like you got like so many coax throughout time already building up their empire so they're even they return even stronger it's like a hydra

that's the problem with a lot of these time crimes that are in this film like such small potatoes like you know what I mean like and it's so the way that they go about most of their time crimes are so difficult like there's got to be an easier way to get gold throughout all of history than blowing up some fucking dudes in in the Confederate era south but I think maybe that's the thing though is they think like if it's an insignificant enough of a crime right like no one's gonna like murdering five people. Time won't know. In the grand scheme of things. If you think about it, you know, if each of them have a couple kids and those kids have kids

and, you know, we're taking out a lot of people here. That's true. They may wind up taking out themselves. Why don't they just like zap, you know, because I'm not exactly aware of how the where takes place

in time cop. Like they go back in time, but I guess you can sometimes pick where you're going. Yeah. You get the vague idea of where you're going? I don't, none of this is ever really. He shows up on a highway at one point, so I guess it's not that well-thought-out.

I think it's a thing where there's a person who's, like, doing a coordinate situation. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like they try to make you land wherever. But, like, why not use your time-crimeing or super-burglaring, like the super-burglars we saw in such films as Dracula 2000? Why don't we use it for that? Like, just rob stuff. Why do you have to kill out bloodlines?

I don't understand it either And a lot of it like Well it's a cool action movie I guess I mean bottom line This is a cool action movie So This guy is Scott Lawrence And a character actor

Who just missed out He's just too old to play Barack Obama Which is a real bummer for him Like you look He would be a perfect Barack Obama This guy is one of the driest Character actors of all time though Like he is just

Toast with no butter on it in this movie he walks into a centered hearing and says you know guess what time travel exists and there's some sassy senator giving him shit like there always would be right there's a great the guy though has a great response he's like time travel it's so awesome but in the course of this meeting this guy like proves time travel to be real and everyone else in the meeting is like well how much is this going to call nope I'm shitting my pants I'm actually like oh my god let's we have to reconvene because I've just shit in my My pants. Yeah, this hearing needs to take a recess so I can go home and change my pants. Also, they mentioned that you can't go to the future. You can only go to the past because the future hasn't happened yet. I appreciate that. But it does.

If people can go back, I don't know. You know what, time paradoxes. But that's what I'm saying. I'm glad this movie at least bothered up front to outline its time travel rules. Yes, very important. In this very dry monologue delivered by this character actor. but yeah so the whole thing is like we need money we got to start like a time police organization because we're already somehow having time crimes just how many time trap here's one of the

time crime examples they give of like worst case scenarios what if saddam hussein gets a nuclear warhead yeah that's a big one yeah what if well it was like what if saddam hussein goes back in time And it gets a WMD. Yeah, and then brings it to Iraq. And Iraq is the first country that has nuclear weapons. Pretty hefty stuff. Time cops laying on us. It's a real doodle scratcher until John Claude Van Dam shows up.

So it's kicking people. It is a real noodle scratcher. Saddam Hussein with real weapons. That doesn't make sense. That's not the Saddam, I know. So we mean. He would have had real weapons. you've got a fucking time machine.

Yep. That's the only thing he was missing was a time machine. Wow. That fertile crescent would be all the more fertile then. So we got Jean-Claude Van Damme, who we meet in the shopping mall after we first meet his wife, played by Sloan from Ferris Bueller. What's the actress's name?

Mia Sarah. Yeah. Don't see her around much. That's terrible joke. You don't, though, because she doesn't work. No, she doesn't get work. But she's in this. And it's one of those weird

like Jean-Claude Van Damme comes up behind her and it's like, you can't tell if like he's flirting with her. But then it's like their weird fantasy thing where they're pretending

to be strangers. This is a weirdly sexual couple. I'm putting that out there right away. Oh yeah. Weird sex games in the mall. Like later on certified copy. By the way,

this 1990s mall. Oh yeah. This is like, this is the era for malls. man. It's like kind of at the tail end of it though. I mean, this is like 94. It's the peak before the fall, really. I mean, I guess the 80s were the peak,

but like it's still riding hard mall culture. So much so somebody gets their purse snatch. There's a purse snatcher on rollerblades. Thank you so much, 1990s. Oh my God. And it's awesome because like Van Dam. And this is 94 Van Dam.

So he's still in like peak physical condition. Oh, he's supreme. He's doing this like leg lift. Like he fucking kicks his. leg out and almost hits this dude on Rollerblades in the face and he's holding his leg up and carrying on a conversation with this man. He's

so in shape. He looks incredible in this movie. I could take my eyes off. Oh man, we'll get to it, but there are some scenes and then there are some scenes. Oh yeah. So yeah, he foils this robbery. And then they get to fuck it. Like literally six

seconds later. Oh, yeah. I thought my fucking DVD skipped. I'm like, when did this turn to the red diaries there's soft saxophone everywhere you better believe it i mean and like yeah it's night time saxophone in the afternoon and like it's like your pain like your entry to the sex scene is panning up on like this like chiseled butt and it's like oh my god it's van dames listen i was watching this on a blu-ray i'm 93% certain you can see his taint hair okay like that's majestic no he shaves that shit That's going to interfere with the kicking.

You need to have that runway clean. Oh, for the aerodynamics. Yeah, exactly. Well, he's also most definitely never wearing underwear in his life. You can be sure of that. It's just, it's perky enough on its own. He doesn't need it binding him up when he's trying to do all those high kicks. I mean, and the splits, try doing splits and box shorts.

Keep in mind, he usually plays a commando. So why wouldn't he go commando? Exactly. That's what all commandos do. This sex scene is like, it's like you're outside of like a fucking anti-Anse pretzel stand. And she's like, what do you want to do with the afternoon? He's like, well, I'm off work. I don't have to go anywhere.

And she's like, well, I know what we could do. Smash cut to thrusting with soft saxophone. It's, it's almost like the sax was in the mall and then they just turned it up in the next scene. They had the saxophone being like the mall music. back and they just cut and turned it up. It doesn't miss a note. We pan back far enough and they're in one of those empty vitamin shops.

They just have this hardcore sex. And this scene goes too and I'm like all right, I'm not a hundred percent complaining but also I thought there was time travel in this movie. What is going on?

I don't even know who these people are. They don't even know who these people are. They just having sex. It was great. It harkens back. to an earlier time when you could just do this in a movie. It's like, yeah, you know what? You know what? All right. You know, it's an action movie. But yeah, but we're going to spend about two and a half minutes fucking. They do a great send-up of it in McGrouver.

Oh, yes. And it's that same exact, like, awkward cut, too. I will give this movie plus 10 points because Mia Serra, like, says something about how bad his English is. And I'm like, oh, my God, he's not playing an American. We're not just going to pretend. But then it loses a hundred points because his name is Max Walker. Yeah. Max Walker.

Jesus Christ. I don't know what voice that was. Perry Wise. Oh, Max Walco. Hello, Max. It may as well be fucking Bill Thompson. Like, yeah, it's just the most American name. And you were right there.

You said, like, oh, you have trouble with English. I know, but I know it's a good words, which is fuck, fuck and fuck in this movie. They changed my name to Max Walker at Ellis Island. They still had a bit of subs. They still have, yes. My name was Fasoa Walker. Well, actually, any man that shows up to Ellis Island with a mullet and a duster is immediately named Max Walker. That's how they keep track of them.

And you're destined to roam this land. Yeah. You get nothing but a motorcycle and a flask. You are Max Walker. now why would they be doing the French but now you now you have to go walk America defending the right in bar fights from sea to shining sea to beat the shit out of people man so there's some fucking going on and then there's some like post-coital action and he gets a phone call and you totally know she's trying to tell him that she's pregnant it's one of those like

you know oh I have something to tell you this that that that he's just that asshole because he's like can it waits I gotta go be a mall cop or whatever the fuck is going on I think he's I think at the beginning of this movie like he's talking about how he's just gotten the job with the time crimes unit

but I think before that he's a mall security guard like that's why he's at the mall in kind of a police officer's uniform well I mean they must have had time cop tryouts right and he excelled at all of it because he's got all those karate kicks yeah no

exactly he couldn't be a real police officer like in the real world probably because like i don't know he's got a bad coke problem or something like he probably kept failing drug tests or anger tests or something so the government's like oh we could totally kill this guy and like just act like he didn't exist well no it's like when you're starting a new agency like this like you can't have your standards be that high because you need kind of like loose cannons people who are willing to travel through time that's that's what you want dealing with something as delicate as time travel when it's like if you change anything in the past horrible things could happen but yeah you know a couple loose candidates yeah just gonna wing it

I want somebody's gonna play by their own rules I don't want to hold everybody's hand every 24 hours a day there's a difference between winging it and see what happens so but yeah it's so obvious as she like when you've just had sex with your wife and like you've been trying for once like I have something to tell you yeah she's not gonna be like oh man I I taped perfect strangers. I know we thought we missed it, but I actually did figure out the programming on the VCR, so we taped it. We've got it. I didn't think it worked, so I told you it didn't.

But then I double checked it when you weren't home because I wasn't going to be embarrassed if I was alone while I checked it. And it turns out I totally taped perfect strangers. That's what I was sensually trying to tell you. He gets really happy. And then he gets really angry when he finds out they taped over one of his sex tapes. Oh, man. This guy's got so many sex tapes. He does have sex tapes.

He's got sex tapes and he's going to show them to people at parties, right? Oh, man. Like they have like a bunch of other like couples over. And then he like, he like says to the dudes, he's like, hey man, hey Frank. Come come with me. Just come on, man. Just come on for a second. Come with me to the study.

Check it out, man. Look into my hot sex tape I made. All the women in this neighborhood. Look at it. You see this girl here. this girl, I don't even know her name. I never knew her name. That's what it's like being Van Dam, man.

You're just going to supermarkets, and all of a sudden they're on the back of a car. Max Walker can't even go through the movies without getting sexually harassed. So he walks out of his house to go to this work call and someone hits him in the face with a bat. The worst mullet anyone's ever caught on film. Like really, it's shade.

skin sides and it's tendrils all the way down he looks ridiculous and it's a couple of folks that we saw like spying on him at the mall at the mall earlier in the film and they also look like they're from the future they are yeah they're future thugs yeah from the year 2004 where the mullet has taken a real stronghold so they start beating up van dam and then they're like in the house and like fucking with the wife and you're like jean what's going on here and she's like screaming while he's like outside getting the shipy Oh man the second she's like I might be pregnant

Like well when is this woman going to die That's her time clock ticking down Yeah When is his wife and baby daughter Gonna die Yeah exactly Precious unborn baby daughter So Van Dam like gets the best of this one dude

That's like trying to get him down And then like just when you think it's over with this dude Fucking shoots him And I'm like All right I know there's time travel in this movie But he died before there was any time time travel. What's going on? Bulletproof vest. Does this guy's just

walking the beat with a bulletproof vest? What a pussy. Like he puts his vest on at home? Well, it kind of defeats the theory that he's a mall security guy. Yeah. Also, his wife said while he was getting dressed that she had something to tell him. Maybe

she thought she found the sex tapes. Better strap on the old Kevlar just to be safe, you know? In Dutch with the wife. She might shoot me in a chest. Wouldn't be the first time. She found my vast library of sex tapes.

So much VHS stuck in one walk-in closet. Oh no, she pulled the candlestick. It turns around. Turned around revealing a staircase. And down that staircase, nothing but sex tapes. And Lasputin. Hello, Rasputon. he was he was taking a tinkle and my wife walked in and found the sex tapes

so the house blows up and of course it's always it's my favorite thing in action movies is when the character forgets he was wearing a bulletproof vest like he wakes up like i'm not dead and he looks down like oh wow i totally forgot this bulletproof vest i put on four minutes ago and so the house completely explodes and then we get a weird like complete fade out that takes so like a little while i was wondering if this movie presumed that it was going direct to cable

and they just put in commercial breaks Cynamax had some eyes on it from that sexy interesting take note of this boys this time next year we'll be knee deep in time cost well we do have that 10 and 45 to 1230 block

but yeah like this house just blows up and his life is shattered and then we cut to 10 years in the future, I guess. And he has a pretty bad mull. No, it's actually an okay mullet. It's Seinfeldie in a bit because it's kind of like in good shape.

You're not sure it's a mullet until you're looking at the right way. You've got to look at it in the right light, that's for sure. Here's the thing. Now, this is how you do your mullet, all right? Now, it's got to be long enough everywhere that it's not like a shocking thing. Like his hair is poofy in general, much like Seinfelds, that it's not like, oh my God, that's a mullet. Yeah, exactly. So he turns around, you get the surprise.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's just like, oh, he's got long hair, but no, it's a mullet. Actually, I just remember, like, this is how we're introduced to him in 2014. So we cut back to 1929. And the stock market crash is happening. And we meet this guy who, it turns out, is from the future. And he's like, you know,

doing the stock market so he can be a billionaire. He's listening to music on his, like, game genie or whatever the fuck. he's got Tetris He's got little game boy cartridges It puts it in Yeah this is one of those Like we don't know what the future holds

For like tangible music Yeah You know who knows We could go back to making it look something like eight tracks Like CDs could be dead And it's eight tracks again You're right It's like cartridge music

Right well maybe that's what they thought Like MP3s would be One day Yeah that's Put in your computer music And play the stock market So he's jamming out To like shitty 90s rock

And like playing the stock market and he calls in the thing to his broker and he's like buy a hundred thousand shares of whatever just trust me I have a feeling things are going to pick up and as soon as he makes this deal the worst 1994 like special effects

of all times start happening and John Claude Van Damme walks through like this little like clear ripple in air can we I mean because I don't tell you how it works for a while but to me this is the biggest plot hole of the movie I know we said that three times already and if you're playing

the drinking game, you're dead. But he, time travel is you get into this Formula One racing car that has only two seats and you drive top speed into a Stargate and then eventually if you hit the right speed

you know, bad special effects happen and you go into the future where your car is gone and it's just you. But then somehow you have like a wrist device that when you want to go back you hit one button and you go back in the car. again. It makes no

fucking sense. Is there like some like other world other dimensional like stop off point where they get out of the car? Oh yeah. Leave the car. It's like when you're you live in like what deep Jersey but you leave your car in Jersey City to jump on the fucking path

train. That's exactly what it is. Now they I think I think one would call it the space between spaces. Oh for God's sake. Which is where the interdimensional aliens from from Kingdom of crystal skull live. And that's where these guys are leaving their

time machines to get out and walk. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Is Indiana Jones hasn't gone back in time yet to release those aliens from their spell. So that dimension is completely empty. It's a parking lot. They just get out

and they walk towards whatever else. To the ripple. It makes no fucking sense. Why wouldn't they, either there's no time machines at And that's fine. It's just, you know, maybe it's a wristband. You doot-duped-d-op and you're gone. That's all you need.

Yes. It's just a wristband with a doop-doop. That's it. You doop-doop and then you walk back through the wormhole. And it's just a little Stargate set up. That's all it is. You just walk through a portal. To come back, doop-du-d-d-up, the portal opens.

You go through. It goes, bloop, and then you're back. And that's it. You don't need a fucking, like, the hall of an x-way. What is the idea of going so? It's like I got to do my doop-dub-dop when I'm going as fast as possible, like, 88 miles an hour or something. I was glad that they incorporated speed into this. But it's also, that's only one way, only to go into the past.

To go back to the present, all I do need to do is doop-dupe-dop. You do the dupe-dop and suddenly wake up in your car again and you're speeding out of it. But he's asking the question, why can't you just dupe-duped-dop to go back in time? Why do you need the car in the first place if you have a wristband to doop, dupe, dupe doop with him on the dupe, dupe doop with him on the dupe doop. And I think that you should just have a dupe doop wrist device. Yeah, that's the end of it. That's what the fucking Apple Watch is going to be. We'll be able to dupe dupe doop through our apps.

Oh my God, dupe doop all morning. And guess what Largo Entertainment? You saved a million dollars on this fucking stupid racing car set up. You know what else they could have saved some money on? the horrendous looking future cars in this movie? They look like they're so shitty they look like

Robocop's sneakers okay these are the worst There's Robocop sneakers? Yeah it's on the weekend when Robocop's off duty he puts on Robo sneakers and they look like these shitty fucking cars

I'm pretty sure it's the same future from Bill and Ted's bogus journey like it's almost It's the darkest timeline It is But it's 2004 You know Maybe this is what

cars would look like if something else happened in the past. A lot of other stuff had to happen. It's like when fucking, uh, it's like when Homer invents that car and then bankrupts his brother. It's like the cars are that level of stupid.

And it's like, well, they're self-driving so they don't need windows because this movie's so fucking cheap that when you go into the interior of these cars with like Ron Silver, it's just clearly a fake scene of a, like seat of a car. I think I just figured this out.

I think the cars are like this because in this timeline, the Koch brothers haven't gone back yet to destroy the electric car and make the world safe for oil. I think these are our cars would have been in 2004. Oh, man, bummer. We'd have a lot of shitty cars. So we're in the 20s. Yeah, but they'd be self-driving.

You know, you can get drunk as you want. You could go make your sex tapes. Go make all your sex tapes and get drunk in your car. Thank you, Harvey Firestee. You're welcome. So Van Dam left his time machine in the computer, the commuter rail parking lot, walked through the gate, the time gate,

and walked in on his buddy who was his partner. And like, you know, immediately, and this is a movie unto itself. It's Van Dam v. Pugilist. And that's all I want. It's a 1920 speech list comes in with a big curly mustache. I went 10 rounds with John L. Sullivan himself. John L. Sullivan himself.

And here's where the time cop program doesn't really work. And especially why Van Dam shouldn't be in there. A, if you're doing time copping this, don't wear your fucking future outfit with your leather vest. You've got to go, you got to period accurate. Like, you know what I mean, you've got to spend a little money on costumes. Exactly. That's what like, you know, the crew of the enterprise. knew both enterprises, right?

When they knew they had to go back in time for work. Yeah. Okay? They knew to dress the time period before they went back in time. Not with your leather vest for some reason. And you know, not for nothing, Van Damme, but 1929, no one's rocking this lion mullet, okay? No one has it. You stick out like the sorrest of thumbs. You know, why don't they just doop doop doop some new clothes on them for the time period appropriate, you know?

Because you can't take fucking luggage with you because it would probably be left back in the car. When you walk through the ripple, it's just like, yeah, it changes your clothes to, whatever. No, there's a separate airplane that's behind you that has all the clothes that flies through it with you and

dresses you in the nether space. Yes, in the nether space. Very important. But here's the thing, why this thing, why these time cops aren't so good, is because, yeah, they're dressed like they're definitely from the future. And this fucking guy's doing karate in the 20s.

That would have changed history. If a white guy karate kicked a pugilist in the 19-twice? White guy karate had not been invented. It had not at all. It's like he just invented something. And now these guys are going to wake up, have seen it. The world is going to change.

There's going to be dojoes in the Great Depression. Look, no, seriously. Seriously. Seriously. Because if that happened, then all of a sudden, like all these white mother are learning karate and our relationship with Japan is strengthened. This could have prevented Pearl Harbor from him.

You're right. Bullets in the breadline? There you go. That's a problem. Van Dam does this in the past. Suddenly the United States is part of the access powers. But it's amazing. If he did that kick in 1920, this guy would stop up, oh my God, he's a wizard.

Like, how did he do that? While legs can't move like that unless they're being pulled by the devil. They execute. yeah he's definitely burned at the steak no no i'm just a belgian kickboxing no he just drowns to death kickboxing well so i only know of one form of boxing and you certainly don't kick in it says the 1920s pugilist but it's great he just kicks the shit out and the action this is some great van dam fighting oh yeah prime of his career the splits he's like running off walls and like bouncing off He's a god amongst men.

You know how they, they said, like, what, Caesar was a demigod or whatever? Yeah. This is a demigod. Maybe Caesar was a time cop. He could have been. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, like some guy. You know, Julius Caesar?

Is that what you were just doing? Well, Andrew, there's also Augustus. Not to embarrass you. What if Sid Caesar was a demigod? Actually, that one's confirmed. No, the monkey from Planet of the Apes is what he's talking about. Which would be a demigod. But yeah, honestly, I feel like if you did a roundhouse kick in the 1920s,

you might unnecessarily unleash a planet of the Apes. You don't know. You know what else might do it, honestly, breaking two legs off of a chair and caning a guy to death. He fucking starts whipping this other guy with legs from a table or something. He's just caning this man. oh my god you can't fight like this in the 1920s so you know that it all have you know blah blah blah the guy says ron silver put me up to it he said okay come back to come back to time cop land we'll we'll figure this out they dupe doop out of there right and he's immediately put on trial and

immediately sentenced to death it takes 60 seconds it's awesome yeah it's like he brings him in front of the judge dread people it's like the judge dread council without max von sidest there. They fucking might as well send this guy to the phantom zone because what happens is not only like so in the like what happens is the guy tries to kill himself. He jumps out and you know it's the window

it's in the 90s you know. People do that all the time. We get that. Time cop grabs him in the middle and doop doop doop's out of there and then the people are like well you're sentenced to death immediately and they put him back at the time stream to fucking fall and die. Question. Are they strapping them into

one of those little cars? They must. Right? Yeah, you don't even see how it happens. It just cuts back to the 20s. Hold still. You need your belt on. And that's actually a great question. So he dies, right?

Does the empty car come back? Like, what happens to that car in the nether space? I think it does because they're self-driving cars they invented. No, maybe it's a thing where someone's got to, like, give him a ride, you know? Right, right. Just bust them out there and then you throw them into the time ripple. Yeah, exactly. you're still in the nether space and you're like, well, all right.

Do a K turn and go back. This is another thing, though, that I thought about when he fucking, because this guy tries to kill himself by jumping out the window. Van Dam also jumps out the window and, like, holds on to him and they leave. Van Dam's whole thing is, like, his whole job is to make sure that people don't fuck with the past. Yep. What happens to the past when a bunch of people on the street look up and see two men disappear into nothing? Yep.

That's where there's like a... The Irish flatfoot cop that's there. I was expecting... Gosh and begorah, he's floating to the sky. It's fucking horrendously stereotypical. Jesus Man and Joseph, and he's doing like the cross when he sees the two people vanish. Guess what?

The rest of the world is fucking insane and wrong and weird. And maybe that's why we have death panels all of a sudden. And then they drop them back. And maybe now you actually... at a real trial, like in the regular time? Who knows? Also, like, there's a dead body that's unaccounted for. Like, I'm sorry, that's

kind of, that's fucking up the time stream. And I feel... Not for nothing, man. That dude's car is wrecked. He lands on this dude's car. And maybe in history, he was meant to hit the woman that came back through time with Kirk and Spock.

Oh, Eve, whatever must die. It didn't come back through time, but she was actually, yeah, in the 30s. And maybe, and she was meant to get hit by that truck. And if they didn't get hit by the truck, Hitler wins. Oh, you mean that, that woman, Spock put a hit out on? Yeah. He literally puts, he's like, no, no, no, we're going to let this shit happen.

What's the woman's name? I forget, but it was, is it the... Eve something? Yeah, sure. Eve six. It's 1994. We're talking to Time Cop. It's Eve six.

So, Ron Silver struts... Ron Silver's a great band-dam villain. He's... I mean, he's... RIP, by the way. Yeah, he's, I realized that last night. He's been dead for years. He's been dead for a long time.

Ron Silver. Oh, yeah, no, that's terrible. For a second, I thought you were just broaching the subject of Van Dam having died. And I thought I had, like, slept for a week. This show's going dark for a month when Van Dan died. Oh, yeah, we have to. All the flags half massive. We ate movies.

We have flags. And I mean, we do fly flags. What's amazing is the, so he's, he's the bad guy and he you know he's just using the time stream for his own nefarious purposes a to become president in the future but it'd be so much easier to go back in time and become president in the past like actually just get on the democratic ticket and knock off ducacus like you're done you've fucking got an easy road to the white house like if you know anything about anything yeah no that's true he's really just using this for illegal campaign financing

right because that's all it is he's like i gotta go back in time because citizens united it hasn't happened yet. Yeah, he's sitting around just hiring people to go back in time and steal money for him. And also just get a little bit, like do one job. You know what I mean? Like one billion dollars. You could invest in one thing. Get the sports Almanac and bet on the fucking I don't even know what.

Go back, put some money on the cobbies. Exactly. But he's trying to convince, his whole platform is disbanding the time cops, which I'm sorry, there has to be time. Like, that's That's a public service that needs to always be happening. Because he's crooked. He wants them to ban it.

And there's a, apparently that guy that just invented it made a prototype in Maryland. And that's the one that Ron Silver's going. Because there's another. Yeah, Ron Silver's got like a personal one that he's been using. Yeah, he's got his own, his own X-wing to shoot at the wall. But this is what doesn't make any sense about it, though, right? So it's, this is the example I'm going to give us to why you can't get rid of the time police. So we've invented time travel.

It needs time travel regulation. It's like now we have air travel and we have people that personally own airplanes. It's like us getting rid of the fucking FAA. Maybe we should deregulate it. You know, let the free flying decide. Free market airplanes everywhere. Cut to massive death at all times.

Well, you know what? Maybe the, you know what? That's our personal freedom to die. Maybe man just wasn't meant to fly. no it's fucking ridiculous you can't get rid of the time cops and any fucking politician going up against ron silver in a debate just has to be like he wants to get rid of the time police and kill us all that's another question and i don't think it's really answered this movie does the probably not does the general public are they even aware time travel exists i don't know we don't think they do they mentioned how nobody can find out about it but that's you know right in like 94 when time travel's invented i don't know if in, I mean, I don't think it's like that dumb movie what's it called time plan

or some shit where they're like They have like time travel tourism. Oh no, I don't know what that is. Whoa, this sounds awesome. No, it's horrible. It's um, geez, now I'm not going to remember anyone that's in the movie, but it's basically like you shittily go back in time

and you can stand on this platform and they take you back to like dinosaur times. Uh-huh. And it's like you see the same like dinosaur thing happened every single time. Oh, you're thinking of Jurassic Park. Jeff Goldblum's in that movie. Oh. Oh, Sam Neal. Same Neil. Actually, though, I think it might be based on a Michael Crichton thing. I wish I could remember. Oh, wait, I'm thinking of Timeline, the movie with Paul Walker. No, not timeline. There's another one with, oh, Edward Burns. Now that I know, I'm going to look this up. Wait, wait. Are you fucking kidding me? Eddie Burns is in this thing?

Eddie Burns is in a time travel movie where they've like made time travel a tourist thing. So that's your for next week. That's exactly what we're talking about right now. But it features some of the absolute worst special effects of all time. And the whole thing is like they take one group back and it's like drunk, fat, fuck

tourists or something like that. And someone steps on a bug and then like fucks up time travel. And like all these, they're running from time waves. That's pretty great. Yeah. Oh, it's a fucking wretched movie. It's from like 2005. I just, I have to do this. Oh yeah. No.

Because it's going to absolutely kill me. A sound of thunder is what this movie is called. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ben Kingsley. There's the other superstar in that movie. But yeah, there's just no way. Back to this time travel movie. You can't deregulate time travel. I'm sorry.

Hold on a fucking second. Do you know who directed that movie? I didn't look. The same director's Time Cop. No way. Did he go? Did Peter Hiles? I'm not fucking joking. Did he go back in time and directed we're forward in time I think he did dude

he tried to go back and make another time travel movie to get it right wow time cop is a way better movie than this though probably less karate kicks so he gets on Ron Silver's bad side Van Dam goes home and there's something about mourning

in the movies in the action movies that's incredibly creepy because they always have to really amp it up because like a dude can't just be sad like a man gets fucked and sad and he's like drinking scotch and watching old home movies and I think the creepiest part

about home movies is when you say I mean they're not lines because it's not a movie but when you say things that your self is saying in the home movie yeah seconds before your home movie self says it that's one of the weirdest things ever you know what's even weirder than that is a few

seconds before we cut away from the scene you can see the home movie's about to turn into a sex tape it is oh yeah you're right like they start They start basically fucking on the text. Well, she's building this birdhouse, which he's filming for some reason. She's like, hey, come on, help me with the bird. And it's always the same thing.

Like, hey, I'm so happy. Help me with the birdhouse. He's like, oh, yeah, you look really sexy. It makes that birdhouse. Oh, no, you've got the glue all over your tiny little fingers. And, like, they start having sex. And you know, the next day, it's like, you know, I just want to fucking help with that birdhouse. You know, it's been a month since we bought that fucking bird house.

I tried to put the fucking birdhouse up, and you just fucked me, and then we went inside because it was cold out. It's now a cockhouse. And why don't we just make love and sniff the glue? Why would you have this on tape? And why would this be your sweet memory? Turn off your camcorder. Oh, we sniffed glue for hours.

And we made love under the moonlight. We killed so many brains sales. It was so hot. Birdhouse glue gets you highest than any clues there is. These elbowing his buddies, look, look, you could see me getting stupider. Everybody likes to tell you

that it is airplane glue that gets you the highest. No, no, my friend, it is birdhouse glue that gets you the highest. The next morning, he wakes up to a great action scene. This is when he's in his boxer shorts and he does.

the the the the the the the the climax of this scene is some guys got a taser why you'd bring a taser to a van dam fight i have no idea well this this taser is is like a souped up super future taser because it's got like the enough wattage to kill you in one blast and also great scene about great great part about this fight is uh he left a knife in an onion on a cutting board it's like oh good thing i left that knife in the knife in the other onion. Now I can just grab it and fight you. You know why? Because he just, he was making food the night before and then he just got to thinking about the birdhouse tape and he had to drop everything and watch it. And then he went

in the other room to pleasure himself and he forgot all about the dinner that he was making. That's what happened. I forgot to eat again from masturbating. So I still so seen. Try it at home. He winds up. This is like somebody wrote a whole scene, sat down, got a cup of coffee, went to the bagel store, got a egg sandwich, smoked a cigarette, and was like, my mission today is to write a scene in which John Claude Van Dam, doing a split makes sense.

And just had to like, okay, if there's water on the ground and there's a taser coming at his legs, he's got a kitchen counter that he could do his split on to. Yeah, in the future, we, everyone's kitchen has a giant water cooler like in an office. And it falls over. Yep. And then that guy's like 50,000 watts, asshole. 50,000 watts, asshole. Great line from this guy. Shoots it.

Van Damme does that stellar split. Oh, man. It's not just, here's a 10 point split. It's not, it's a 20 point split. Because it's not just doing a split. He jumps. Yeah. Does the split in the air and then stable.

realizes himself between two parts of his countertop you're gonna fucking like wishbone yourself like my god the muscles on this man to keep himself upright like this oh yeah I would split my taint in half if I tried to do that

I couldn't I wouldn't even get to that point I would just fall and break my neck instantly if I tried to do that not even you'd break both your legs this guy is a god So the taserer becomes the tasee. Oh, yeah.

Because the water is now at his legs. Yes. This guy looks like, do you guys watch Bob's Burgers? Yeah. You know the two health inspector characters? So he looks like a cartoon. He looks like the taller health inspector that looks like an old beavis. Yeah.

That's what this character actor looks like. I couldn't stop thinking about it. So enter ER's Gloria Rubin to slow this movie down just to spell. it is unfortunate that he gets sidled with this chick for so long because she fucking stinks in this well she's internal affairs and because of his partner blah blah blah blah she's going on his next mission and they go to 1990 she's time cop internal affairs well even time cops need you know oversight more than any more than anyone else i mean come on my god i think time cops would probably be the most easily corruptible cops right because they have like

the most to gain from cheating at their job oh yeah so that i IAB must be working like overtime. Here's another, maybe a plot hole-ish type of thing. Not in this movie. Watch where you step. Like, okay, so that partner was corrupt. He went back in time and blah, blah, blah. Why not just go back before he did the crime?

I mean, now we're a minority report or something. Yeah. But go back and before he did the crime and stop him from doing it. So then there's, that poor Irish cop doesn't have to see any blood. Well, that's the thing. I figured like there was going to be like the men in black, like, cleanup crew. You know, that comes in and maybe like explain something.

Sorry, it's just a two-seater. The car's just two-seater. Well, that young man came back from the Orient and learned a thing or two. They call it Karatee out there. You'll see it. I want you all to look in this little flash right here. By the way, can I tell you guys

the 20-year mystery? I only solved last night watching this movie. And I guess mystery is the wrong word, but the 20-year misconception. And this is something it's fucking crazy with like weird how your memory

does stuff with you. Since as long as I can remember, I mean, post-seeing time cop as long as I can remember. Pre-time cop, post-time cop, understood. Right. So post-time cop for as long as I can remember post-time cop, I have thought that the boss, like the chief

in this movie that's played by Bruce McGill was actually played by Lane Smith. You remember Lane Smith? He's the dad and son-in-law. Oh, yeah. And he was on fucking Lois and Clark. Yeah, he played Perry White. Yeah, he was great.

I could have fucking sworn. If you put a gun to my head, I would be like, the dad from son-in-law is the boss and time cop. I even had the, because this is the first movie where I ever heard someone say to another person, well, fuck you too. And that's what Bruce McGill says to,

Van Dam, in this movie. I had Lane Smith in my... head saying that. And then I was like, the fuck's Bruce McGill doing this movie? Where the hell's the dad from son-in-law? And then he said, we'll fuck you too. And I was like, oh my God, he's not even in this movie. Wait a second.

Wait a second. Maybe someone went back in time. Maybe he actually was in this movie. Oh shit. And then he got recast by Bruce Gill because some fat ass stepped on a fucking mosquito. Yeah, exactly. And then Bruce McGill somehow

nailed the audition that day over Elaine Smith. That's it. Within the real timeline, he was not supposed to. Oh, your guys, you guys are probably, I just couldn't believe I had that memory. There's something to do that. That might have happened. He wants, so he goes back in time to 1994 because there's some, they have like time PKE meters

they can tell when somebody such and such and who gives it shit. You could say they can notice when there's a ripple in time. It's like when Egon had that thing. The Gaga meter? Yeah. PKE reader? Oh, is that what we were talking about? Well, I don't know.

You're talking about Ghostbuster gadgets. I just started naming some. Yes. Let me just say yes. Fair enough. But they just know that for time, so they know that somewhere, first of all, if you're going to wreak havoc in time, why go to 1994? Like, come on.

It was, well, Woodstock 94 was happening. That was very big. Dude, you could go back in time and stop the East Coast, West Coast rap wars before they get really bloody. Norm McDonald was on S&L. Dennis Miller wasn't half bad yet. Well, you still had to like 2001 before that happened. But hey, beautiful time to be alive.

Sorry you all missed it listening. Go to the movies for six bucks. That was pretty great. So they go back in time. It's, you know, and, you know, it turns into like, IAB. She's like, I'm going to watch you. And he's like, watch my fucking karate. Like, you watch my tight ass in the.

These pants, bish. They're dressed... I am sexist junk on Fendant. And they're dressed like for the Super Mario Bros. movie. These fucking these boots and the leather vests. And again, like,

just get some ripped jeans, man. Well, they don't ever say who's president in 2004. It might be King Cooper. It might be. Oh, yeah. Somebody went all the way back in time and the world evolved differently. Can we talk about the scene where, like, we see Van Dam and the IAB girl go back in time because there's a character in there that despise more than anything, this fucking nerd dude who looks like one of the lone gunmen from the X-Files, and he's the guy who like, he's, he's like a weird nerdy party guy, but he's like the best at sending people back in time. Yes.

Right? So this guy is like at the control panel and they're giving Bruce McGill's giving Ron Silver a tour of the facility kind of a thing. And he's got some other like senatorial so-and-so's with him. And they're like, okay, here you go. The movie is saying like we're going to see how this all works. And this whole thing's like starting up. And this fucking guy goes blast from the past. Yaha. And I wanted to throw up. Because all I can think about is you're some other guy, right? and you're working in the time cop office and you sit next to this fucking guy. And every time the time cop organization sends someone back in time, he says blast to the past, Yehaw, and get super excited about it and you're like, Dale.

How many fucking times are you going to get excited about seeing someone travel through time? You do this for a living. Worse than that, he's masturbating all day because he's a porn addict. Oh, right, yeah, he's jerking off. He's programmed. Now, every goddamn movie

that has a computer in it that's slightly in the future, always has that guy that's like, I'm just going to jerk off with this all day. Virtuosity, for instance. The movies knew where we were headed. Yeah, it's fucking the jerk off zone.

So this guy's programmed a lady fair to pleasure him in VR. Yep. It's almost like... That's virtual reality. That's reality, but it's virtual. So it's not real, but it feels real. Oh, we got it. Right on his cross.

Oh, I see. It's almost as if somebody saw one cut of this movie and we're like, hey, why is there only one set of naked breasts in this movie? I want you to go back and add a useless scene. This is a classic case of 1990s full frontal nudity. For no fucking reason. Dude, all of these movies have this. I wouldn't say no reason. I'm not saying it's a good reason, but I'm not saying it's no reason.

All these movies had this because these are the movies like if you were younger, You had to convince, like, your older cousin or your babysitter to rent for you. And you were, like, look, my friends saw it, okay? Like, there's nothing. It's just kind of violent because it's an action movie, but that's fine. And then it cuts to this chick just, like, masturbating and, like, virtually blowing you. And you're like, I'm sorry. I had no knowledge of this movie.

Yeah, your mom is there. And you're like, I just thought this is a fun time travel action. Oh, shit. The old, what are you watching? You just get one of those. You're like, I swear to God, I thought this was a time travel. travel movie. I'm sorry that this woman is pleasuring herself in a VR

machine. Meanwhile, all you want to do is for the Van Dam naked scene to happen again so he could do his splits. Seriously, see those fucking buns talk. So Ron Silver for some reason has been doing all these other

time crimes but then realizes like oh you know what? There was that one time where I didn't invest in that billion dollar company and I could have been Steve Jobs. Maybe I'll just go back and do that again. I just might do that. Let me tell you the problem with Ron Silver in this movie. Ron Silver was a great actor. He was great on fucking West Wing. He plays a great in Heat Vision and Jack. If you haven't seen this TV show, it was just a pilot made

Owen Wilson and Jack Black. Jack Black, yeah. Own Wilson's the voice of a motorcycle. It's like a Knight Rider parody. Right. And Ron Silver plays himself as the villain. I think he was directed by Ben Stiller or something. Or he's involved. Yeah. seek it out it's hilarious but in this movie his character is he makes no effort to conceal the fact that he's a villain no not at all even though he's running for president because he goes up to jean claude van dam the top time cop okay like the fucking martin rigs of time cop i think you just say martin luther king of time i don't know why you're talking about history's greats i have a dream pugilist in the 1920s

I will karate kick a dinosaur one day I like to karate kick Martin Vambier and right in his sideburns no not Martin Luther King because you know we don't get

we don't get a day off for Martin Riggs not that we shouldn't yeah we should get off for Martin Riggs birthday but no so he fucking like goes up to Ron Silver or Ron Silver goes up to him. He's like, so you get any interesting information

when you interviewed your subject? And he's like, yes, I think I know a thing or two about the bad guy. And he's like, oh yeah, you're going to go after this bad guy? You're going to try to stop him? Yes, I think I will. Oh, well, good luck trying to bring him

down. I hear he's a pretty powerful guy. You're like, shut the fuck up. Pretend for two seconds like you're not the villain of this movie. He makes no effort to conceal it. Speaking of no effort, Ron Silver in 1994 and Ron Silver in 2004,

no fucking difference. Nope. And honestly, same thing with Van Dam aside from that mullet. He's got a little couple of Reed Richards' hairs on the side of his thing. Yeah, that's true. They give Ron Silver a 5 o'clock shadow and that's it.

But he's got a beard in 1994 and the same fucking haircut. It's like, come on. Like, at least give him. of maybe a wig or shave him or something? Maybe. Shave him and clean. I'm not going to shave for a fucking Van Damme movie.

He's a politician. He's found his look, his hook. Yeah, that's true. And he's just going for it. Although, speaking of his hook, like, the fact that he has to go back and time crime to get money, it's like, why don't just be a likable politician? Maybe

you're not cut out for the presidency. Like, so what? Who gives a shit? Not everybody can be president, okay? run silver and it's a little weird that you want to be so this guy his buddy back at 1994 invented coldware what's that we'll never know don't worry about it coldware it's one science fiction premise too many is coldware in the middle of this movie and it's like an ice computer or something i'll take a rocket sled vanishing in time yeah but this cold computer nonsense is really really stupid. And it like revolutionizes the industry and like young Ron Silver's there pulling

out of the thing. He's like, look, you know, and the guy gets, the guy buys him out. He's like, here's like, you know, a couple of grand, you know, just walk away from this enterprise. Yeah, he's getting Walter White and gray mattered out of this situation. You know, the witch, that guy reminded me of Gil. He does kind of look like David Costabile. Also, like, all you have to do, Ron Silver, is go back in time yourself to yourself the night before and be like, look, tomorrow, this guy's got to coming he's going to try and buy you out it's the biggest thing in the world time travel is real just just set out and enjoy it he comes back with a bunch of goons and like during the meeting

in the middle of it yeah yeah exactly he should go back before this is another really dumb thing that they do in this movie nobody can recognize the future version yeah holy shit it's like first of all and the dual screen technology in this movie is wretched It's absolutely wretched. One person is a person, and the other person is a Windows 95 screen saver. Like, that's what you're dealing with. And so it's like Ron Silver talking to himself and whatever. And young Ron Silver is like, now, who the fuck are you supposed to be?

And I'm like, it's clearly you. They've done little to nothing to make him look 20 years older. And the other guy is like, well, is that your father? Like, no, it's not his father. It's Ron Silver. Come on. It was, are you supposed to be his father? like you dressed up for Halloween.

Also, he walked through a portal to get there that you just saw. He parked his fucking time machine at the nether station and fucking... Well, maybe that's what it's it. He didn't see any fucking time machine. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wow, you're from the future. How? What did you just walk through a portal and get here? Two things.

I didn't hear a doop, doop, and I didn't see a time machine. So it's bullshit. Where's your rocket sled? He also tells his 94 version to get a grip. Like, I'm just you from the future. This is very normal. And they start now, or they start earlier, like, you can't touch me because bad shit's going to happen.

The same matter can't occupy the same space. They say the same matter can't occupy the same space like five times in this movie. Yeah, it's foreshadowing. It's the worst way to foreshadow something, if that's the case. I thought it was a pretty good way. Just beat it over someone's fucking head. So Van Dam and Glover, glory reuben show up they break this up uh glory reuben turns on him obvious right she's crooked yeah

and they big old karate fight the only the only the only the real highlight of this scene is all this cold wear technology is around and it's actually the taser guy he didn't die he's fighting van dam again he's the last guy to get to a big fight and van dam frees this guy's arm off and then shatters it and then throws him and he explode. It's like, all I want in an action movie is creative deaths and this movie has a ton of them. It's a checklist. Go for it.

What's funny though is when that happens and he's like, have a nice day. He says have a nice day and does this and then after that laments that he made a bad one liner because I should have told him to chill out. There's something like that. It's not that, but it's like it's something like that. Like he regrets

his little fucking jazz. at the guy before taking his life. You know what I should do is go back at time and then fix that one line. It keeps going back and back and back. Oh, no, you know, I should have said it with a little more cadence. That's like, uh, do you, this is an obscure. Did I just say chill off?

Oh, my God, I got to go out. It's completely wrong. How do you chill off? Now, so stupid. I'll kill you again. I'll be right back. Because I said chill off, I'm, I, I broke and penniless. So I better go back in time.

I have to doop doop and try to fix this. Hang on the minute. Man, the miles on that car going back and forth. What I was reminded of with all of this is you remember that S&L sketch from like ages ago where it's

Mike Myers and there's a bunch of other people and they're at like a bar and everyone's having a conversation. And Mike Myers is the guy who thinks of like a good joke to the like to add to the conversation way after like the conversations left it. So he finds like a time machine in the bathroom of this bar

and he keeps like going back in time to be like caught up with the one-liners. It's fucking awesome. I think it was one of those like we're doing it at the end of the show kind of sketches because it's not like a famous sketch at all. But it's always stuck with me. He's like the guy that wished he had the fucking one-liner on time. I'd use it. I would totally use that bar bathroom.

So at this point, Ron Silver has won and when Van Dam goes back to the future it's President Ron Silver. He's not president he just owns the time. He's about, again he still isn't president yet. Like he's never president in this stupid fucking movie. He just now owns the time cops. He owns

the time cops somehow which I mean that's still like pretty big. Yeah, why do you need to be president? Why would you mind? That's not bad. It's not. It's pretty good. And for some reason Bruce McGill doesn't remember being friends with Van Dam. What's, I mean, I love this. that's so amazing it's like he comes out he comes back at time and he's just like oh everything's

a little different hey i was nicer to you in the other timeline like bruce mcgill is like you're trying to tell me that we were best friends yeah and he has this whole thing about like best friends this whole time and he's like you know jean claude van dam i don't need a best friend i don't remember you being my best friend i know this fellow man i hang out with sometimes we're we might be best friend like bruce mcgill you're like a fucking 50 year old man in this movie stop talking about best friends. Van Dam goes to the bathroom and finds Lane Smith dead. Oh no, he's changed the timeline.

I would have sworn to you up until 24 hours ago that Lane Smith was in this movie. So Gloria Rubin was left for dead in the last timeline and she's got evidence that's going to put Ron Silver away and he spends about 20 minutes convincing, don't you remember best friends? Your wife's goulash

always stinks. Oh, he's so bad. Well, I guess we were best friends. My wife's goulash is terrible. You can say that to anyone. You'd be like, I'm from the future. We used to be best friends. Oh man, your wife can't cook. I mean, that goes for half. It's a

50-50 shot. She either can or she can't. Yeah, and movie characters. If you're in a movie and you know you're in a movie, his wife can't cook. Definitely cannot. So he convinces him and like

so he's so convinced Bruce McGill that they were best friends he gives his life for him I love this Bruce McGill is like okay now you realize like time travel it's more than a one man operation it's going to be hard for me to do this I'm probably going to kill

you and also sorry yeah go ahead it's another unungous plot hole so Ron Silver becomes president of the time police or whatever and he starts to dismantle the time cops the day that John Claude Van Dam is coming back

Do it earlier. Do it a week of earlier, you fucking asshole. Jesus Christ. You want to be president? You're a joke. You can't even manage time travel. How are you going to manage the free world? Yeah.

It's the day that they're closing the time police offices. And he's like, well, you know, we got to do it together. I'm sorry, I stepped on you. Well, no, it's like, you know, it's more than a one-man operation. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get everything accurate enough. I don't have that guy yelling he-haw to pilot things. That guy was sent to masturbator's prison. Oh, that guy was executed with his own dick.

That's what happened. That's fucking Ron Silver's America, man, in this movie. Oh, also, Ron Silver's America, I just want to quickly mention a line. He said that the top 10% would get richer and the bottom 90% can immigrate to Mexico. Oh, shit, dude. I think he might be involved. in our timeline still. Yeah, it sounds like a lib-tard wrote this movie, is what I could say.

So he's basically like, okay, we're going to wing it. You might die, but, you know, whatever this has to be done. And all these goons, like, storm into the room and fucking murder Bruce McGill. It's a great, like, fat guy getting shot. Kachah! He gets shot, like, fried chicken starts shooting out of his gut. He's just starting to get over to, like, hit the time trial. And what's great, too, is these fucking, these fucking soldiers that shoot him are standing right behind the time car.

Big mistake because Bruce McGillan is dying chicken-eaten breath, smashes the controls, and it just lights up. The time machine is activated and fire to start shooting out of it. Setting these men ablaze. Crispy critters, dude. Oh, yeah. Fucking straight to hell. A little preview. And, I mean, this is where this movie starts to fold in on itself in all the worst ways.

Yeah, totally. It's bad origami at this point. That's not a fucking crane. Because here's how you want... It never actually looks like a crane. But this is where you want the movie to go. You want the movie to go to, like, President Ron Silver. And there's a fight on the fucking roof of the White House.

Yeah, exactly. That's what you want. Instead, we go back in time. And then he's a Terminator. Like, you know. Oh, yeah, dude. He's got a Terminator. He's like a little Terminator legs or fucking

Chis and Jean-Claude Van Dam on the route. I made some... I realized you were good at karate, so I've made some upgrades. I love how he won't just learn karate. He turns himself into a Terminator. And once he kills Ron Silver on the roof of this White House and all like the troops and stuff

and the security, secret service and stuff surround Van Dam. Yeah. Yeah. then it's like that's they we have to go to court now like you just like tried at the hague or something that would be that'll be time cop too or time cop to the hang i would love it although there is a time cop too it has nothing to do with yeah there is it's direct to DVD and jean claude's not in i think uh lane smith might be in at this check that out i watched the first like five minutes because i bought the DVD haven't watched it yet

uh-huh um yeah right to nazis so oh wow it might be a stay tuned just based on that fact so instead we go back to the night that fucking van dam's wife is murdered for some reason well because apparently this weird time loop because ron silver wants to be president he goes back in time to kill van dam oh he chases him back through time and he's like we're not going to kill him now he's too much of a killing machine let's go back 10 years when he's a little younger and probably better at karate. Yeah, like the logic. You're right, the logic, and this is the worst, too.

Dude, go back to 1971 Belgium. And, you know, when he's in fucking, like, middle school, it's, you know, getting picked on, and he's about to go to that karate studio and blow his brains out. Somehow that wouldn't work either. And then Ronso was just like, I'm going to have to go back and fuck his mother.

I'm going to have to just be his father. And then that'll be the big reveal. Wow, that would be the real. reveal it turns out that he's his fucking dad you can't kill me that my my half Terminator body is actually don't you understand son it's a sin to kill your own father

there it is yeah especially when I'm part Terminator I'm just picture with these little Terminator stick legs just chasing Sean Claude Van Tam everywhere it's like the best thing but no instead yeah we're we're kind of recycling the beginning in the movie it's it's also too short of a movie

to do the inverse thing like yeah We spent so much time at this Victorian house. I think that it was the most... Well, this is what I'm curious about. Speaking of that, we spend most of the time in this old farmhouse, right? And it's because, like, you probably rented that farmhouse pretty cheap, right? There is a line in this film that excuses the shittiness of how everything looks. So, like, the time cop, like, command center is garbage.

It's a dank garbage basement, right? so when Ron Silver comes down at the beginning of the movie with like those other senators or whatever and he's asking Bruce McGill for the tour one of the senators is like wow son this place looks like shit and Bruce McGill has a line where it's basically like oh yeah well we don't like to get too fancy around here we try to like put every penny where it needs to go and I'm like no no no no this is a low budget shitty movie you're excusing like the production design with a throwaway line of like, well, we just try to tighten our belts around here so the office looks like garbage. There's not a fucking window to be found. We tighten our belts so we have elaborate time cars and we leave in nether spaces that you need to come back in somehow. The fuck. Come on. We use all our budget on story cement to fill in all these plot holes. So they're back in 1994 fighting at this fucking farmhouse. I mean, one of the funny things is like,

so Van Dam goes back into the mall and, you know, mulleted Van Dam meets Mia Serra, who again is like, who are you? It's like, come on! She doesn't recognize our own fucking husband. It's just like Jean-Claude Van Damme, although now he's a silver fucking fuck. It's even better.

Is it? Sure. Yeah, why not? I'll get on board. Who are you? And then she's like, it's me from the future. Can't you tell from my karate and my accent and my face? She's like, remind me. He has to be like, remember how I told you about that job? The time travel job?

She's dumb as a bag of bricks, man. She doesn't know what time travel even is. I like the idea of them like eating breakfast one day and he's got some newspaper. He's like, oh, you know, I got the call for a new job, he's time cop. Oh, that'd be really good for you. Time travel, huh? Time travel police. Well, that sounds fun.

You get to travel? I thought he meant he would take a lot of time for him on his business trips. He'd be traveling. So, yeah, I mean, but she does say, like, am I dead at the future? And he's like, no. Oh, my God. He does the worst recovery of me. Yeah.

Oh, not anything from the last, oh, 10 years. You get really fat in the future. I'm sorry. I refuse to take a picture of you then. You know, you should really lay off this fucking chocolate bars. now Ron Silver's getting in on it He tells that to himself Oh you're right

That is a lot And he tells that to Van Dam's wife In my mind Lay off the fucking candy bars You'll have the exact same shape in 10 years Wait what Yeah as if that Ron Silver Is a fucking picture of health

You know I had to go to the fucking gym this morning They say I got fibromyalgia Thanks a lot you're a real fucking sweet guy thank you fucking arthritis in both knees it's only been 10 years so yeah he eventually like gets her on board for what's going on

and it's like do not tell my younger more handsome self that I am here it will fuck things up and she's like no seriously like am I going to get killed tonight is that why you're here and he's like no but just do everything I say and be very cautious she like grabs this shirt oh my god am i the am i the girlfriend in an action movie and he's like no oh my god i'm pregnant holy shit i'm totally gonna die tonight

there's no chance i'm going to live i am the pregnant wife in an action movie fuck fuck fuck fuck so ron silver and his goons come and it turns out that like from the beginning of the movie it's ron silver and his goons who have come back to try yeah it's the big cyclical thing which doesn't make so does that mean like one time they did it and they were successful and then the other time they did it they weren't like they have to have done this multiple times in the time loop because van dam other van dam wasn't in the beginning yeah you're right well wait wait they went back initially god damn they shot van dam and they ended up just killing his wife yes and then they instantly they go back before they went back to do it right and then they stopped still don't do it right. And now future Van Dam's involved. But if you think about a future Van Dam

should have been there from the beginning anyway. I mean, I guess the first instance is something that doesn't exist anymore, so it shouldn't even be in the movie. Yeah, I agree. God damn it, time cop. The fucking, the pole vaults you have to do to make it to the end of this movie is insane.

So they're all like fighting and like Van Dam's going up against Ron Silver's huge Canadian goons because these are some Canadian character actors. Probably a couple of out-of-work Canadian professional wrestlers are sure. And they're getting into all sorts of fights in this farmhouse. And then

like she's hiding up on the roof because Ron Silver's chasing her for some reason. I think the whole thing by the way Ron Silver is not just trying to kill Van Dam Ron Silver's trying to end his bloodline. Yeah. Oh yeah. Because it's like I got to kill. Well, she's got the baby in there. I got to kill that baby.

I think it's a little more Victorian than farmhouse but um oh really yeah it's yeah it's got it's got some pillars and stuff which is amazing because they get up on those pillars the wife yeah and i guess future van dam i'm getting my van dams mixed up other van dam kind of lays back for a bit but my god them fucking running around on the top of this house them almost falling off the goons stepping on their hands yeah i thought it was like fucking final destination all of a sudden it's like this woman is destined to die. Maybe she should have died. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Maybe

their child grows up to be the next Hitler. Yeah, Damien Thorn is the name of their kid. Well, we could name him Jean-Paul Walker, which I appreciate. That's my father's name. But Damien's son has a very nice ring to it.

Oh, I love Damian Thorne. I'm not married to Vacher. You know, there's just the Ellis Island name. It was Vakrars. He says that or Kilgore Hellblood. One of the other.

Kill Gore is also a family name. So, I mean, we wind up, it's, you know, the last scene of the movie, or not really, but a lot of fights happen. And then we wind up in the bedroom. And it's, oh, my God, future Ron Silver's there. He's like, that's right. It all fuck it ends tonight, buddy.

And he's got her. You want to watch my sex tape? But the funny thing is, especially about time loops, Eric. So think about this. He's like, I have a super future bomb and it's going to go off and we're all going to fucking die. And guess what? My past self is going to go on and become president.

Actually, no, he's not. Then he would be destined to die in this Victorian fucking house. Exactly. So all you're giving yourself is another 10 years to not become fucking president. You moron. You bearded fucking moron. But even if you did become president, you as president would have to go back in time and blow yourself up. Yes.

What is the, it's just. Just so he could have been president. And he's apparently hated by the public that he has to spend money. He's going back to get billions to spend on TV ads because that's what wins elections. It's not like there could be an alt, unless you sent yourself a letter. But no, it still wouldn't work. If you send yourself a letter like, hey, guess what? When this fucking French, I don't even know.

My head's going to fall off in five seconds. Have some fucking subtlety. I would have appreciated a letter. Yeah. Why go storming into meetings and stuff? This is just, you know what? he's it's amateur hour all right here's what's going to happen you're going to be on the road to success you're going to be living a great life but one day and i don't know what day and i can't

guarantee any day but someday there might be a ripped belgian mall security guard and an older version of that belgian mall security guard are going to come around asking some questions with the girlfriend from ferris bueller and if that day comes no prisoners you got to give yourself the Biff Tannenin warning That's what you have to do If you see these people

Take their life Biff Tannen Now there's a guy Who knew how to use time travel He did He fucking played it like a fiddle And he knew like you know what All he'd do is become rich

Own a couple of casinos Yeah And live on the ponies And that's the shit And not how Raped my high school crush And not me Yeah

You know it's the little things That count in life And not in my elaborate time travel plan have the end game of me blowing up with somebody else's wife. Like, that's not, that's not a masterstroke, actually. He's the worst presidential hopeful ever. He's worse than Dukakis. That's worse than Rick Perry. So apparently there was a twist that we did not see Jean-Claude Van Damme make a prank phone call.

he calls up Ron Silver in 1994 and it's just like, yeah, it's you from the future. But I guess he would be, I mean, could you do a killer, Ron Silver. Apparently, he does. The premise of this scene is that Jean-Claude Van Damme can impersonate Ron Silver's voice well enough that Ron Silver himself is like, yeah, that's me. And then goes. Let me give it a shot.

Let's see. Someday you will be president. No, no. Someday you will be president. No, it's not right. Let's see. Someday you will be president. That is, that's the one I have.

Now, let's make the prank phone call. The greatest thing is, you know, he gets his phone call and he leaves his office. And his secretary is like, he's like, I'll cancel all my meetings. Hey, uh, Charlene, have you ever been in a limo in the White House? And she's like, no. And he's like, I'll send you a picture. And he just like laughs. Like, too, like he's, he has to be an asshole in every single sentence in this movie.

He just puts down this woman for no reason. And even the ladies is just like, now what was the point of that? Why would you zing me? I get you coffee. So he's like, we're all going to fucking die tonight in this farmhouse. Then somehow my future self will go on and not die. Forget it.

We're going to die. And Ron Silver in the past shows up. He's like, oh, no, my beautiful plan. And. So just a recap. Now, if the time bomb goes off, both Ron Silver's will be dead and then no one's president

then no one's going to be president ever again the seats just vacant forever so finally and even right like you've said it six times this entire movie and I know exactly what the rule is

right before Van Dam's like here comes someone wants to give you a kiss and he's like ready to throw Ron Silver into Ron Silver it's like no you can't let him touch me the same man I can't occupy the same space haven't i been saying this to use the whole time and also by the way i'm no scientist but it wouldn't be the same matter it would be older matter like the second like if my matter is

one thing one second is it wouldn't it change once i age and my cells start to die off and my hair all your cells reproduce every seven years or something yeah so you wouldn't be the same that's fair but but isn't that with like um i mean but it's like it's still the same entity matter like you can't destroy matter like matter's the thing that can't be destroyed that's like a physical property yeah but I do feel like if you're aging doesn't

your matter change so it wouldn't be the same the idea of the same matter can occupy the same space everyone has been saying that wouldn't it stand a reason that maybe the universe would end or something when you shove these two together it's crossing the stream exactly two people that come together

wouldn't just morph into like a gremlin uh fucking station-esque-looking demon before, like, falling into a puddle of diarrhea. Which is what happens to run. Spoiler alert, that's exactly what happens. He turns to diarrhea.

He looks, yeah, diarrhea from Windows 95, like, screensaver or something, like the equivalent of... It's like playing fucking Castle Wolfenstein 3D. And you, like, kill one of the monsters. and it turns into a brown pile of shit. It's insane.

Like teeth are involved for a second. It's like, remember that one nightmare in Elm Street sequel where like, it's, I don't remember what the fuck it is. If it's like Freddy's chest, yeah, it's like he opens his fucking shirt and all the souls are trying to get out of his chest. That's what Ron Silver turns into. One of those chest monsters. It's amazing. It's the worst death anyone could ever have, which I appreciate for your villain, because usually you're villain gets off pretty easy. He either gets shot

in the head or he falls off a building or just like a... Yeah, the explosion which is like instant incineration. This doesn't please anybody. Every cell in your body exploding and on fire and having sex with itself and dying all at the same time. And you hear him Ron Silver screaming

the whole time. Oh yeah. Which is pretty awesome. Does Van Dam have like a one liner after that happens? Well he says something like he's... Ron Silver gives him a little shit because all he does is He's like, you should be on Broadway. And which is a funny, weird thing.

People say Broadway sometimes. Yeah. But then Van Dan's like, I bet they kick him onto Broadway and he kicks him into himself. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah. It wasn't very good. No. He didn't regret that one, though.

That's the one he should have regretted. Go back in time and fix that one line. Well, it was such a delicate situation. Yeah, you might want to be like. Yeah. Damn, now I have to live with that terrible one liner for all times. So he boot doop-toop-dubts back into the new future. The thing is he grabs his wife and there's like two seconds left in the bomb and he's running down the stairs.

Oh, yeah. And it's like, dude, it's not that you're going to be in the building that's necessarily the problem. You're going to get a two by four in your back. Yeah. Like through your whole body. Totally. Like the debris would have killed them. Yeah.

Yeah, they wouldn't have made. Or they're both death forever. Like that's the best case scenario. You're both death. I mean, and John Claude Van Damme talks like he's deaf. Yeah, it would make a big difference. So she's alive. Young Van Dam is alive. He gets, like, iced sort of early on in this fight. And he's just, like, unconscious the whole time. So he leaves him both on the lawn. And he doop doops back to the future. And yeah, like, he's fine. Like, he's best buds with Bruce McGill again. And the company, thank God. Ron Silver never owed the company. The hilarious line, he's like, what happened to Senata McComb? And Bruce McGill just has this knowledge right at his fingertips. He's like, McComb. Are you? okay.

Kohn went to his office one day and never came back. Like, what the flying fuck? Here's what happens that instance. Once Van Dam comes back from that time portal, acting all confused, what happened to Senator McComb, who famous, a famous U.S. Senator that went missing. Famously disappeared in the thin air. Guess what?

You're going in front of the fucking Judge Dread guys, and they're sending you back to get murdered in that house. Exactly. Bruce McGill, like, Bruce McGill is the chief of the time. cops. He should know when a time officer comes back and he's acting all weird and he's saying shit that doesn't make sense

your first thought should be this guy has an alternate history in his head that you don't know about. Some shit went down during his mission. Nothing. I'm just imagining now which is an alternate ending on the DVD on the special Steve Zadak DVD. Oh right. Yeah. You got to order that.

Is he comes back and the world is just insects and he's eaten by a bunch of enormous Ants. Oh, no. Oh, mad. He's fucking eating my. Oh, no, a Bruce McGill fire ant is eating

me. Look at its mustache. He kind of looks like the different animal house. No. So in the Time Cop movie timeline, he goes

back, he goes back to their new house or whatever the fuck. It's the same fucking house. I guess they rebuilt. Yeah, I guess they rebuilt. But by the way, I don't think so. No fucking way. And, you know, she's alive and he hasn't, he hasn't spoken to her since 94.

He doesn't have the memory of himself. He has no idea that he has a goddamn son. That's the thing. He meets his son for the first time on the front lawn. Wow. Jordy Van Dam. Now, here's my question, though. And again, it's just watch where you're stepping in the time cop plop.

Yeah, forget about it. But, like, when you change the past like that, and I feel like some time travel movies do do this. And as a matter of fact, this movie does this in a different way. But so, if you change your past, your future self should gain whatever those memories are. Yeah, sure, why not? And they kind of, see, this is what sucks about this, right? They kind of do this in this movie because fucking Ron Silver gets, like, pushed or punched or something like that.

Young Ron Silver. Yeah, yeah. It cuts to old Ron Silver, and you see the scar create itself on his face. So technically in this world, that shit does happen with physical shit, but not mental shit. Because he meets his son. Like, he should know all about the son. Yeah. But he's just like, oh, hey, buddy.

We'll get to know each other later. I'm going to put you down now. You're very gross. You smell. I don't like children. But the thing is now, now he would have also, it wouldn't, because he would have never gone back in time to save his wife. of his wife was alive. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. But here's the thing is at the end, she's like, are you okay? And he's like, best I've ever been. And she's like, oh, okay, you seem weird. I would be like, oh, wait. Hey, is this the day when you went back in time and saved me from blowing up at our house? Today's the day, isn't it? Today is. Yeah, she knows him. Yeah. God damn it. Time comes. Also, I feel like he'd eventually, his brain would be Swiss cheese. Yeah, it could only take so much of that stuff. He's just going to be. He's just going to be.

like your noodle's going to be like a slush puppy man he's going to be at a you know hospice in no time oh we better get inside it's president hitler's curfew what oh shit but at least ron silver didn't become president am i right what does that say about them hitler can become president ron silver cannot that yeah i guess hitler was more likable very embarrassing for you ron silver i guess hitler found his own portal through like you know norse magic Into the netherworld. Well, that's the Philadelphia experiment too, dude. Right, which also starred the woman that plays the Internal Affairs.

Oh, Gloria Rubin. Yeah. So Hitler goes and gets one of those X-wing cars goes into 1994, and his beautiful public speaking sweeps him into the White House. Oh, I see. I see. Yeah, that works. It could have happened.

Stranger, things have happened. Would anybody in this timeline recommend TimeCop? Oh, yeah. It's a pretty strong recommend. The action, it's not so much fun to talk about how cool action is on the show. But the action's actually really cool. There's a lot of good kicks, which is what I want in Van Dam. I mean, Hard Target is a really fun movie, too.

But that's mostly Gun Cata going on. But this is like real... Gun Cata. It's real karate's, and I really enjoy it. And it's fun and stupid as anything. Yeah. I love this movie. I think everyone should see it

And also for more John L. Sullivan See Gentleman Jim starring Errol Flynn Oh look at that Wow look an actual like quasi-serious Recommendment There you go Yeah I would recommend this movie

I would not recommend Spending two decades thinking Lane Smith is in it But other than that I mean this movie totally held up The first like The first raid on Van Dam's house And like the house blowing up

And everything That all happens in like the first 15 minutes. Yeah. So this movie really does kind of like kick into high gear once you get past like Civil War Highway Robbery. But I don't know. I'd totally recommend it. Big supporter of Civil War Highway Robbery.

Time traveling back to do it or just like when it happened during the Civil War? Both. I just I'm a sucker for it. What can I say? That's Time Cop from 1995 directed by Peter Hymes who apparently also directed

what other? Oh, the other time travel epic we just discovered? Yeah, what was it? The sound of thunder, whatever the thunder, yeah. Oh, for a second, sorrow and the pity? No, that's not right.

If you want more information about we hate movies, check out our website, WHM Podcast.com. Like our Facebook page and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast. Right into the mailbag. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. Did you remember someone else

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