We Hate Movies - S5 Ep174: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

Episode Date: October 14, 2014

The #WHMSpooktacular2014 rolls on with a trip back to Crystal Lake in the insanely stupid sequel, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday! Why did they think this body swapping thing was a good idea? Where did Creighton Duke learn all this stuff about the supposed Voorhees mythology? And why, oh why, do we need more drama from Crystal Lake townies? PLUS: The leather bondage shaving scene you didn't know you'd get in a Friday the 13th film! Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday stars John D. LeMay, Kane Hodder, Steven Williams, Steven Culp, Kari Keegan, Richard Grant and Erin Gray; directed by Adam Marcus. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Siddak. Eric Sisker. And we hate movies. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicamand. They're coming to get you, Barbara. I'm sick for fucks he's seen one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies?

Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative. Put the fucking motion in the bad. That's an excellent day. a nexus. Hello everyone. Welcome to the second week of our Spooktacular 2014. Hashtag W.HM. Spooktacular 2014. If you're looking to talk about it on Twitter with your friends, this week we are going

back to Crystal Lake for 1993's Jason Goes to Hell, the Final Friday, directed by Adam Marcus. Quickly, I will say last week we were like, oh, we don't know what to call our all-sequel Halloween month. Right. You know, I think it's already just called a spooktacular. We're done. Pencils down. Yeah.

But Shrequel, on Twitter, people had Shrequel. I think that was the winner. But it's just kind of a, you know, it's an honorable, this is an honorable mention. Yeah. If you tweeted that. A.k.a. too little too late. Yeah. Where were you fucking two weeks ago, man? Yeah.

Once this shit gets cut, it's over, man. So this is our second trip to Crystal Lake. You may have remembered, was it last spooktacular? Or was it two spooktaculars ago? You know what? I think it was two. ago. It was too. I can't even recall. To this very day. We just did, we did a rewind of, well, a rerun of it

this summer. Mm-hmm. So it's fresh in your minds, perhaps. Right. We did Friday the 13th 5, a new beginning, which is also Roy, the movie. And that's kind of like a Jason without Jason. Yeah. Coincidentally, Jason goes to hell the Final Friday is also pretty much Jason without Jason. Let's start right there. We like outliers on this show. Just the weird shit, man. just doesn't fit. I am not a Big Friday guy. Wow,

that's horrifying. I've only really seen Freddy versus Jason, this one, and a new beginning. Holy shit. And the rest kind of bits and pieces. You know, honestly, I was once like you. And I went

through every single movie in order and it's worth it. I know you've seen the worst of the worst basically. Yeah, you haven't seen the good. You haven't even seen the first one? No, not all the way through. Oh, wow. Speaking of Jason without Jason.

Yeah, I guess that's true. A franchise that was literally founded on not having its main batty in it. Which one is it where, I think it's like five or something, when there's a guy on a raft and he's trying to get Jason away from his girlfriend. That's part six. That's what I quote that all the time. You fucking pussy. Come on, Jason, you fucking pussy. Yeah, that's part six, Jason lives.

Which I think is a really good one. It's one of the better sequels, yeah, for sure. Um, and I, I have a feeling this is going to be very franchise talky, but, but by that, I mean, the episode is going back and forth between Friday movies, although apparently Steve hasn't seen a bunch of them, so it might just be me and Eric talking. Someone didn't come prepared. But, uh, like I said on that mailbag episode, uh, which I think might come out after this episode. But I say on the mailbag episode that I think that this is the worst Friday the 13th movie. Right. I would agree with you there. I know. Some people might not agree with that, and you are wrong. I don't agree.

I actually really enjoyed this movie, even for being quite ignorant in the series. Maybe it's because you haven't seen the movies that it's like a weird... Like, it's just fun. It's stupid. It's bizarre. It goes on and on and odd directions. And on and on and on and on. And like, it just doesn't want to make any rules that it wants to stick to.

I mean, this movie is insane. And basically the whole... Jason without Jason, in this movie, it's his, like, spirit is going into bodies of other people. And, like, they sort of then turn and look like the weakest of zombies. But they have, like, Jason's strength and everything. It's kind of like playing a game with a little kid. And they're like, no, I can't die because I could just turn it to somebody else. You're like, okay, little kid.

I mean, fucking stupid kids. Speaking of playing with a little kid who can turn into someone else, one of the lines from Duke in this, and I'm sure we'll get led. saying that I'm wrong but I was like does that exactly mean that Jason when he died as a child left that body and got a bigger man's body

for part two like I'm saying like if he died and he wouldn't grow right he didn't survive if he did not survive drowning or whatever right did he soul vomit his spirit out get it into a bigger dumber man it was like

it was like the like the o-fish Camp Crystal Lake groundskeeper Right, like is Basically is Jason from part two And throughout the rest of the series Not the same child Yeah Not the original Jason that drowned in that leg

Well I think the weird thing is The sad part about this The stupid part about this The really stupid part is Sad stupid part about this movie Is like it'd be That I was thinking that myself That's almost cool

But then Duke has to contradict himself But he can only survive In the body of one of of the bloodline, so that means you'd have to have some, like, he'd have to, like, keep finding uncles every movie. He's just got, like, these uncles that live in a cabin, they're all enormous. He's also mentally challenged uncle that lived on the banks of Crystal Lake. It's all just inbred Hicks living in this Jersey Lake town, I think, is what's going on.

To fit that theory. Right. Also, to fit that theory, this movie has Connecticut license plates. Because why not? I mean, come on, right? That's like the first thing. It's like, you're right fucking there. Be proud of Jersey for once. The funny thing is, like, I wrote down, where is Crystal Lake?

Because you go to this diner and the woman's got a thick Chicago accent. Her fry cook's got a southern accent. I'm like, where the fuck are we? The diner proprietor there is character actress. a rusty swimmer who's been in a bunch of stuff and she's actually a pretty funny comedian. Is that Dave Schwimmer's mom?

I don't think there's any relation. I'm going to say yes. Fine, yeah. They're married. And their brother and sister. Right. And mother and son. And they could swap souls.

So we start off with a very a very babelicious Friday the 13th looking actress driving in a convertible you know the music is pumping the top is down this girl's going camping alone which top of the car all right i don't know i thought you got maybe had an unrated version there is apparently i own the same box set as you there apparently is some unrated version floating around of this movie but it's only like a minute longer it's something it's something like not even worth it's uh it's it's extended

footage of that corner eating that fake cow heart it's just Jason there's a bunch of anti-Semitic things that Jason says in this movie there's no place for that I know that this sequel doesn't feel like the rest of these movies but you definitely can't have that filth in there

hurling that shit around you know what it's Jason nine all bets are off we need to re-invigorate the franchise and ignorance is the only way to do it we got to wake people up they're sitting in those seats It's run-of-the-mill, Jason. How about he swaps souls and he hates Jewish people? So if you're watching this tape,

it means that you find yourself in the 9th Friday the 13th movie, which clearly, of course, like everybody knows, the villain is going to be anti-Semitic. You know, actually, they could have done that because there were some anti-Semitic retreats out in Jersey back in, like, the 40s. Are you kidding me? The German-American Boonts Association.

Oh, that's where Crystal Lake is. Wow. Oh, shit. Jason, Jason's actually a mentally handicapped kid that's possessed by the ghost of a Nazi. They could have worked Nazis into this. Just saying. All I'm going to say, yeah, it's not that much of a stretch. So this babe gets out, she's, and, you know, it's kind of what I like about this beginning.

And again, I'm, I feel like I'm the outlier here is I like the first 10 minutes of this movie. How could you not? I mean, it starts out very much like, you know what this is. Oh, please. She's just, you know, walking around this house, creaks and cracks and, like, the light goes out. And she's like, well, I better get naked. And it's like, well, we all know. We all, we all, you bought your fucking ticket.

So then, you know, magically in the cabin is Jason. He attacks her. She runs out of the house into the woods like you would. Yeah. And she gets into this clearing. She falls over. And just when Jason's about to strike. Yeah.

All these floodlights come on. But she does like a tuck and roll. Like she knows what's going on. She is actual baits. Yeah. She's an undercover FBI agent. And all of these FBI commandos. They did a sting on Jason.

They dropped from trees and blow him away with all these automatic rifles until this guy throws a grenade at him and blows him to pieces. Jason gets these Larry. Craig guy. It's like, oh, fuck. It's not what I expected. Every time I've done this, it worked out differently. The one time I get stung. I would have actually, instead of him exploding, I would have rather seen Jason goes to jail. We should just do like earnest movies at this point with this franchise.

Oh, well, I mean, Jason X's Jason goes to space. Right. And most of them are Jason goes to camp. Jason goes to camp again, again, again, again. There's six movies of Jason goes to camp, one where he goes to Manhattan on a field trip. Then he goes back to camp. And then he goes to space. Well, I would say that Jason goes to a halfway house is a new beginning. Yeah, that's true.

Jason tries to get his shit together unsuccessfully. Jason gets a job. Jason meets curfew. That's a movie. That's what he was doing through that whole Roy movie. It was Jason having his getting his life together Sort of shit out, man Yeah

Jason meets Evan and Costello Oh yes I would have loved that And it's literally him at evidence Costello's grave And just nothing happens He's standing there He puts a single rose down

He's weeping That's something we don't have They were great comedian Dude how about that right We get like Jason Or what can we do We could do Seth Rogen and James Franco meet Jason.

We could bring back those again. Why not? Paracomedian team. Or Nick Frost and Simon Pegg, meet Freddie Krueger. You could do that. I'd watch it. I'd watch that shit in a heartbeat, actually. Joe to Hill and Channing Payton.

Yes. 22 Jump Street Summer Camp, and they go and they meet Jason. I love it. It's perfect. That's a movie. Now, that's a movie. Now, back to this movie. So he's in pieces.

is. I mean, they first of all, they're just shooting with a bunch of machine guns. He's getting all, like,

you know, jacked up. There's a couple of shotguns going on. Right. And finally, an airplane flies by and

drops a fucking bomb on it. Oh, is that one? I thought a dude threw a grenade. Was it that? I think it is, I think he does throw a grenade,

but it seems like an air strike against ISIS. The way this guy likes up. Obama sent a drone, a drone to Crystal Lake and fucking, vaporized him. Wow, that'd be something.

Jason meets the president. It's another movie. Jason hops the fence at the White House. Oh, he would decimate the Secret Service. Oh, that'd be, that's a movie. There's so many Jason movies out there

that we have not seen yet. I know, and they can't even make, and the other, Camp David, come on. That's always right fucking there in front of their face. Oh, man. You're so right, Steve. And then, you know, Obama's got to have that moment

where he's like, I'm not supposed to authorize drones against American citizens in America, you know? Yeah. And he has to, like, grapple with that. Oh, wow. For a half a second. Well, no. But he's also a inhuman monster.

That's the thing, right? That's the fucking great line at the end of the movie, like right before this is going to happen. He goes, Jason Vorty's ain't no American. And fucking turns the key, dude. Yes. That's, oh, yeah. Yeah, Jason Voorhees ain't no American.

I like how we have not just a president, it's got to be Obama. Oh, yeah. We'll get Jordan Peel or someone to play him. So here's my problem with this opening scene, even though I said it's the only part of the movie I really like. But so this woman knows that she's like FBI bait. She's a trained FBI agent. She's out in the field. She's just doing a job like any other day.

Why is she having horror movie things happen to her? yes right like she gets in the house the fucking bulb burns out and she's like oh i better go way out to this shed and get another one and she's like getting spooked by all this shit like if you're doing this fbi i rate like you're out there maybe a few days in advance case in the place you're getting the feel for the area well no they do that but they go to the house and they're like they fuck it up enough so that it's like it seems real right so that when she goes there stuff is messed up and she has to like play the part of actually going oh i see so like another technician came in beforehand.

It's like at Homeland, like, those two dudes go in the house before other people do and like bug it. Exactly. Right. Right. Jason would fucking sniff a rat out, you know? You're totally right. He hears that, like, oh, that sounds sexy. You know, just.

Oh, that sounds exactly what I want to do tonight. Now, I think this might be a good time for me to bring up this theory I have about why anything after part eight like seems like a different. movie. I feel that way with the rest of the sequels. I feel like the Friday of the 13th series was a series that was never meant to leave the 1980s. Oh yeah for sure. Because like from the first shot of this movie, it's like it's a 90s looking car. The woman has 90s looking hair, 90s looking clothes, and it just something about it just doesn't feel right. Like that first movie is 80. So they still kind of look like they're in the 70s, which is fine. And then like as the series progresses, like we figure out. out like what the 80s were and it's the very like distinct 80s look I mean it's eight movies of everybody looking the same yeah then you hit 1993 and it's just completely

different and you know that that is true and even with the remake you know who they should get someone like Ty West to remake this yes so that it's like and set it like you know like house the devil make it look like it's from actually the 80s absolutely and that's why one of the most interesting

scenes in these later sequels is in that Jason X where he goes onto like a holodeck looking thing and the joke is they're made to look like it's the 1980s and you're just like spend more time in this thing like this is the movie it's not he was never meant to see

19 he never Jason and Clinton don't mix you know what I mean like yeah exactly dude it's fucking Reagan and like at Reagan and Bush 1 the tail end of the beginning of Bush 1 is the tail end of Jason Voorhe's like that's

that's what it needed to be I mean yeah Why not continue that alternate 1985 you had from a new beginning? You know, just keep it going. Well, because that's the other thing. And people have done this on different websites and stuff. Like, you can trace what the years are supposed to be.

And we talked about this on the new beginning episode, that idea of it goes from four to five. And Tommy Jarvis goes from looking like little baby Corey Feldman to this awkward, bumbling, teenage-looking dude who's like 20. Yeah. Right. So there's all these years that pass. And it's still the 80s.

so this movie takes place in like 2005 or something or beyond honestly like if you count all those years up it's really weird because like Corey Feldman in that in that first movie in part four his first film in the franchise like he's he can't be any more than 10 years old right and then you cut to the next movie and this guy's like 20 it's like a 10 year gap maybe it was atlantis the whole time exactly oh it might be at that's actually but yep that's the thing is like was it in chapter four they kill jason yeah for once yeah and then after that everything else while there are some decent movies in there it's kind of who gives a shit doesn't matter oh yeah we'll bring them back from the dead just because and now we accept that as like oh that's

cool that makes jason jason but it's kind of just you know bullshit just like this and and going to space it's like why not yeah yeah but the difference is in all of those 80s sequels there's no explanation he's just there again or he's been like chained to the bottom of the lake so he's just like laying in weight and things like that like in this movie he's he's a fucking magic monster like there's all this fucking mumbo jumbo magic shit that makes him like this higher being and then in even in jason x which i i've said before is like it's fan fiction it's not like part of the story or anything but in that movie they're like oh he's got these regenerative uh regenerative properties that we've never seen before. We have to

study him. And I'm like, no, it just is a thing that is. He can't be killed. Shut up. Jason, Jason Weapon X. Yeah, exactly. But, yeah, I agree with you. Just being an unstoppable

man slash corpse, all I need from it. All I want from it. That's the same thing with most of these, like, you have too many sequels and you get too much time on your hand. And then somebody has the bright idea of like, I got an idea. The next movie's going to tie it all together

and it's like you know what do not that's what those that like the pre-rob zombie Halloween movies yeah it's just like or actually the pre-holween H-2O yeah like all the ones like the last one in that is the one with like Paul Rudd yeah um

they introduced this whole thing where he's like a fucking product of some government experiment and there's like a cult and this that and the other thing just let's just you know why I'm here let's just do that and move on exactly yeah the franchises always get too hung up on their mythology and they lose sight of what people bought tickets for you like what people want what people like out of those things i will say

this movie has and as we're about to see the violence is pretty high you know and that's it it does that you got your nudities for your creeps out there your nudalities all your nudalities all your nudalities happen but also the violence in this movie is unlike all the other ones and It's been a while since I've seen Jason X, but I think it's also out of line with that. This movie's got, like, such gory deaths and, like, melting corpses and stuff. And it's like that, I know it sounds crazy to be bickering about the violence in a Friday the 13th movie while heralding the others. But it's just like that early 90s body horror. Yes.

We've got to force the gore as much as possible. No, exactly. Like, these movies have a certain kind of violence, right? and like certain kind of gore. Like all that like melting body shit, like that's nightmare at Elm Street. Like you got all that weird shit when you're doing like dream murders, right?

Like that's when you can have like melting shit when it's dream murders. But this is just like a fucking moron walking through the woods with a machete. And sometimes spears and sometimes he's just, he does do his famous backbreaker. Yeah. Which he does in several movies.

He even does it in this one. Like so he should have his like stable of moves, right? You don't want him to have magic powers. Oh, man, he's got so many magic powers. He's, like, throwing his cellophane ass. He's throwing his cellophane hockey basket people. And you're like, wait, where the fuck did that come from?

To tie it back into comics, I think that maybe Jason should take Gotham. Oh, man. Yeah. Break Batman's back. Dude, uh, Batman v. Swamp Thing written by Alan Moore. Is Jason in that? No, he's not. No, but it's awesome.

It's Bonertown. It's Batman versus Swamp Thing. colon boner town. So something like takes over Gotham. Yeah. It's awesome. And it's the closest you'll get to what you're talking about. So for a while, this movie is my favorite part of the movie going over and over again. My second one is, first of all, the credits

are terrible. The opening credits are the worst. It's like this little dinky piano score. It's so terrible. The music in this movie all across the board is just failure after failure. So Jason blows up And then the credits kick is Jason goes to hell

And it looks like fucking graphics From Super Nintendo Oh yeah It's so terrible Well it's one of those things Where you see the graphics And you hear the music It's you ever like

Put a movie on from Netflix And then instantly realize You've made a mistake When the credits happen You're like oh shit This isn't a movie at all Oh yeah And you stop

You're like oh no nope nope Nope nope nope I feel bad when I do that too Because I'm like Oh no That probably gave them a click Or some money or something Yeah they got a couple cents out of you

Yeah I don't like that so uh we we cut to a coroner's office which again we're going to different different directions in this movie it's apparently in ohio in ohio they transported his body from new jersey to ohio a federal institution man you can't just have that some podunk you know no that's true because those doctors have mucked it up already because his body's been in crystal lake area morgues before yeah they mucked it up they've learned a lesson send it to ohio where they know how to deal with nefarious murderers. Send it to Area 51.

Yes. And then that's a great movie. Yep. And you have, you bring like a priest, you bring Indiana Jones. Right. You bring like a shaman and you're just like,

con solos there. As well as Indiana Jones, I realize the continuity era there. Harrison Ford's character from what lies beneath is there. But then Jason gets loose and he starts letting out like Tim the alien, the aliens from alien. the predator from the predator

and it's just fucking man it's and now the predator aliens Tim the alien and Jason have to fight Han Solo Indiana Jones the government all the oh and the government of course and a couple of blade runners there's at least two to six

blade runners in there as well and a couple of replicants they give Jason the replicant test oh yeah he fucking fail why wouldn't I why wouldn't I help the turtle I mean, I'd like to kill teenagers, but why wouldn't I help the turtle? That turtle's just a turtle. He's not having premarital sex.

He's not helping anyone not swim. Never saw a turtle smoke a doobie. You know what turtles don't like? Rock and roll music. This voice of Jason is turning into fucking Pat Hingle really quickly. Yeah, it's going to hell. This whole episode is going to hell. So this guy is like, you know, he's, it's great to doing an autopsy on pieces because there's nothing left.

It's like a head, a couple of arms. It's like fucking Kano just uppercutted him. It's like there's nothing here. A few select rib pieces here and there. And he's, of course, just burnt, like everything's burnt. I was sitting here like the fucking smell in that room. Oh, yeah. I was thinking about actually another autopsy scene in Silence of the Lambs, like when they go.

and like she like has everybody get out of the room you know it's like let us help her now let us help her y'all go on get get out of here we're going to help her now thank you thank you we're going to help her and then like the dude is like you better put that shit under your nose and it just smells horrendous when they open that bag that's what it has to smell like in that room scott glenn apologizes to her in the car back like i'm sorry i sent you back there uh just you know if jason saw you you know It's just, I have to, I kind of have to play it up for Jason. You know how he is. I'm just playing it for him.

Jason's in this town. You know, they don't look kindly on young women in places of authority. Yeah, well, Jason looks up to you. Jason acts the way you want him to act. That's an awesome movie. Yeah. Hannibal Lecter and Jason, both being hunted by Clarice Starling. Sign me up.

Yeah. Yeah, so they're cutting a point. heart, these chunks. He's looking at it and the heart starts beating and he's like, wait, say what? And he looks at it and it's great, like, because I know what the movie wants you to think, he gets hypnotized by the heart and then he bites it and he turns it to

Jason. But I also just feel like he's like, speaking to no one's looking. You know what I mean? Like, here I am. I have a guy, this heart's two times the size, it's beating. Like, I don't know, maybe this makes me magic. Maybe I'm kind of hungry. I kind of buy into your idea

that there's no hypnotism here. I think It's really more like, could I become a God? Like, is this my moment? Like, I need, I need to follow, I need to follow this road and see where it goes. I have to eat this hard. And people do that all the time. Like, if they're, if you, if you're next to a great man who dies. Yeah.

Some people would eat on the brains. Oh, yeah. To gain some power of some type, or their, you know, their life force. But unfortunately for him, this starts a chain of events where he starts lying, roaring, which is the funniest fucking thing. Oh my god. This lion roar is outrageous. Now, why? And then all

these batteries not included lights start coming out of everywhere. What is with the, like the little fairies it's like a bunch of tinkerbells are floating into his body. And this is where you realize. Right? Yeah. Because until this moment you're like, what is going to

happen in this movie? Like, my goodness, Jason's in pieces. What could possibly happen? And then you're watching him eat this beating heart. You're watching him roar like a lion and you're watching a bunch of tinkerbells fly into his chest and that's when it hits you. Oh wait.

This one has magic in it. And I open the door. I step outside. I close the door and I just walk down a hallway in my brain because who could possibly give his shit about a magic Jason Voorhe's movie. Now I was thinking maybe

he's roaring all the time in this movie because Jason and couldn't operate his mouth for some reason in the other movies and now he's like it's like a new thing for him. I got a new jaw. I got to use it. Oh, sorry. Oh, but also like

where could this movie go from now? How about to hell? How about we have Jason going to the river sticks has to tip the riverboat man, has to see Saribus, the double-headed dog, or maybe it's like what dreams may come with Jason walking around

a painting. I want to see him in that nether scape. I agree. I mean, you, it's a promise. When you say Ernest goes to camp, that motherfucker better be at camp really fucking quick. That fucking idiot, okay, is saving Christmas within the first 10 minutes of that movie. He's at camp in the first 10 minutes of camp. He's in jail the first 10 minutes of jail. And if your franchise does this bait and switch, don't do it twice, because he's barely in

Manhattan and Jason Takesman. Exactly. Yep. And, you know, it's like Mr. Smith's not going to Washington. Like, you know what? He meant, oh, no, I'm just a little busy here now. I'll get there in the last 10 minutes. Oh, no, it's Mrs. Smith, and she's an assassin, and so am I. I can't believe we're both deadly assassins.

What are the odds? I guess I'll be going to Washington to this movie. Till death do us part Right, honey? You're going to stay home and fight the shit out of my wife. So he eats this heart. And then he's Jason. He's just Jason, but he's, you know,

the one thing is he should, one of these characters should find a fucking hockey mask at some point and put it off. Yep. You know what you're upping? Like, because that's what Jason would do. I would anything. You know what?

You could, this could have been an opportunity to introduce a modern hockey mask on him. Sure. They've been updated. at that point. Like, do it. Do it. Just, you know what? Just do it. Do anything except having people walk around. This movie is so excited about having just people walking around looking like people that fucking Kane Hodder, the guy who's played Jason a thousand times in these movies just plays a security guard at one point. That is what we're talking about.

Jason is bookended in this movie. That is Kane Hodder, I believe. But who gives a shit? Like, it's nothing. I agree. There's no Jason in this movie. Like, to the point where Kane Hodder was like, can I please play this security guard? I'm barely in this movie. Let me play a security guard at the very least. Thank you. And then he also gets hilariously murdered. That'd be great.

You know, he kills his mortician and he's like, you know, he feels the body is weak. So he goes to like a wrestling match and like starts like, you know, he takes over macho man's body. You know what I mean? Why not? Look at all these fairies coming into my chest. You don't think if I ate that hard. Art, that might give me mystical powers, do you? Oh, yeah, mystical powers!

Holy fuck, is that a better movie? Oh, yeah. Now I'm literally invincible. Gonna take back the belt? Jason can't control him anymore. It's like, I'm not killing teenagers, because Lex Lutzer's giving me the stink guy. It's like, oh no, Jason has found a soldier.

just as evil as his. The macho man, Randy Savage. They're battling it out. Macho man is winning. There is no, Jason, only macho man. So now all the next Friday the 13th movies could be macho man as Matured man Randy Savage, murdering wrestlers slash teenagers. I would love all of those movies.

RIP, by the way. Yeah, totally. that one's still hard to take so I mean like he kills you know then we cut to another great 90s trope which doesn't make any sense in this movie which is America knows who Jason

Voorhees is oh yeah yeah and it's a kind of a hard copy kind of rip off the guy playing it was Stephen Culp who played Bobby Kennedy in 13 days and I think played wow nice pull and this most generic title ever for a show

to American Case File These are case files about Americans And he's like kind of taking this through the thing so far Like the FBI had him But then this murder happened And oh my God I think Jason's still out there The weird thing is he keeps He says like Jason Voorhees is loose

But after on he keeps calling him Jason on the show You would have you'd be either calling him Jason Voorhees maybe the New York Mr. Voorhees Yeah the New York Times is writing a piece about him You call him Mr. Voorhees? The NJ Ripper Jason Allen Voorhees maybe

Maybe the show is public access And only in Cunningham County, New Jersey Yeah, Fart Cunningham Named after Sean S. Cunningham. Right. Which, by the way, I'm reminded of the trailer

for this movie because Sean Cunningham's a producer on this. It's like, The Creator of the First Returns to Bring You the Last. It's like nobody fucking cares. Yeah, he returns to go to the bank. Sean Cunningham in Checkbook.

what was I going to say? Oh, the thing about the, oh, yeah, Jason's popularity and everything. There is an instance in it's the beginning of it's that the fifth one where it's the grave robbers and they're like, let us go to look at the main man

or whatever. And while yes, that is a dream sequence, you can also pass it off as like those are Crystal Lake Townies. So it's like, of course everybody in the surrounding Crystal Lake area knows who Jason is. Yeah. This guy's on a nationally televised like hard copy-esque program. Everyone will be like, oh, my God, magic exists because this guy that they keep telling me is dead is now back alive, killing fucking teenagers again the ninth time.

Well, I mean, I guess America might know who Jason is because, you know, realistically, this is like a huge successful mass murderer at this point. I guess that's true. Like, eventually it grows beyond urban legend. But the thing is like, why even put that in a movie? But by the fourth, yeah, but I agree. By the fourth time, you can't put Ted Bundy down. I am moving out of America. You know what I mean?

Like, that's it. Until you figure that shit out. But I love the idea that, like, America knows about this, and it's America's problem. But the fact of the matter is, like, just make... Here's the thing. And we talked about this last week on Bud the Chud, actually. Just make this an invisible town. Like, just say, listen, everybody.

We're shutting down Crystal Lake. You have to move out. The federal government can get involved and say, okay, we'll buy you out of your property. just move somewhere else, we're going to put a big fucking fence around Crystal Lake, and we're going to electrify it, and nobody can go there anymore. And you know what? That's all that Jason wants. At the end of the day, he just wants to be left alone.

Just stay away from the fucking lake. It is just Jason killing, like, the five libertarians that are left. Like, government can't move me out of my town. That's the last movie, right? It's called Friday the 13th, 10, the last libertarian. God damn government. more about Jason's voice, personal freedoms and liberties. What about

mine? What about me and mine? So he starts, I don't know, I guess, walking from Ohio back to New Jersey. Well, we have to introduce Creight and Duke the most important character in any movie ever made. Absolutely right. And that was the hint from last week

Stephen Williams and his beautiful mustache. Several people guessed it. Yes. Which, here we are. It's great because this character, again, I hadn't seen the other movies. And I was like, well, this guy has to have been in at least three Friday the 13th movies at this point. You'd think so with the way he's quite literally a Jasonologist. Well, he's, the first shot, Jason explodes and Great Dukes in the bushes.

And he's like, I don't think so. Oh, yeah, I totally forgot about that. Wait, why and what? Well, you see, because, wait a second, no, it doesn't make sense because Jason's never blown up before. Yeah. Yeah, there's no way he would know. I mean, there's no way he would know anything he needs. knows. Here's the thing, folks. Not only can he like jump bodies and whatever else. There's also

this whole mythology that for eight other movies, we've been completely blind to. Until this movie where Creighton Duke lays it on us, there's some rules about Jason Voorhees, which are... Don't feed him after midnight. Right. Do not get him wet. He really doesn't like getting wet. sunlight and garlic might also be a thing. If he gets wet, he might get wild. No, but it's like, he was born through a Vohy's, so only by the hand of a Vohy's may he die. And you're like, oh, it's going to be that stupid. Oh, wait.

Oh, it's a bloodline thing. Oh, what? There's these relatives to Jason Forhees that were never discussed in any other iteration of this franchise. Exactly. Like for as long as we've known How did Tommy Jarvis not know about that? Exactly. It's been a mother and her son and that's all it's been.

And then all of a sudden, magically in this movie, he's got this sister. And then this is one of the biggest problems with this movie and we discussed the same problem on Friday the 13th 5. No one cares about the fucking Melrose Place-esque drama of Crystal Lake Townies. Nobody does. And all this movie is is that.

It's like the sister of John. Jason has had a daughter, and she got knocked up by her high school boyfriend who's like a nerd kind of guy, and he's like a townie, but she got out. It's all this hometown drama horseshit that nobody wants in a Friday the 13th movie. What are you telling me, Jason? Crystal Lake. I'm going to Hollywood. And he just goes the other way. And by the way, he's definitely driving a huge Louisiana fan boat while he's saying that.

Now, see, that's a movie. Jason or Randy Savage in Hollywood murdering people. Absolutely. Just just give me the same thing. Change the locations once in a while. Yeah, the whole

fucking the sister and the mother and the whole. And by the way, Creighton Duke is a bounty hunter and on this TV show the, you know, the guys like, look, we'll give you money if you could bring us Jason for he's. Apparently this bounty hunter has slain six

serial killers himself. Just going around making a living, killing active serial killers. I'm sure the FBI would have something to say about this. I was mentioning to Steve before we recorded here, that is a prequel. You were both talking about that. The Creight and Duke

movies? Yes. Oh, yeah. Where he's nab and serial killers? Oh, absolutely. And by the way, if you haven't seen what this fellow looks like, all right, you got a cowboy hat, you got a big old duster on. Oh, yeah, you do. He looks like Dark Man. He looks like what you would imagine.

an asshole would dress like to a tea yep yeah i mean he's obnoxious and without a doubt without a shadow of a doubt his favorite movie character is robert shaw and jaws yep without a doubt because that's what he's doing in this way oh i'll kill you jason for you i just need a million dollars and a chalkboard to scratch my fingernails on yeah and some cans of nails and Narragasset to crunch. Man, that would make this movie better if everybody was just drinking Narragansett for no reason. Don't go in the water. Jason's in the water.

We got to close the beaches because Jason's in town for the summer. So Jason's eyes rolling around like a doll of his eyes. Black as a doll's eyes. By the way, this is the longest title for a movie ever. Jason goes to hell the final Friday. Friday the 13th, Part 9. Jason goes, technically, right? Technically, part nine, Jason goes to hell, the Final Friday.

Well, the lead of that title is a lie. So maybe you could just delete it, you know, because he doesn't go to hell. But then Final Friday's not truthful either. This title is full of lies. I don't even think this movie takes place on Friday the 13th at all, to be honest with you. I think that, I think we just concluded this is not canon. This is not canon to the series. I refuse to believe that this film is canon.

The cannon stops with him being, like, drowned into a little boy in a Manhattan sewer. Right. Like, that's where the cannon stops for me. I agree. Because how the fuck is he a monster again? When he gets to Babe Ality in Manhattan? The end of Manhattan, they're, like, traipsing through the sewers. And somebody was like, hey, nobody's in the sewer, right?

Because we're going to let all this toxic sludge out. What? And this big... It's another chuttings of New York. And he gets this... like tidal wave of turd water like hits him and then like this girl's like on a ladder in the sewer

and she looks down and it's just like a little kid just like eh and rea and then like her and her bow like go up and they're just like wandering around Times Square and it's the end of the movie. Wow. Yeah so he turns he gets Bayvalid

at the end of that way that's pretty cool. Yeah also I hate the way that they like updated his look for these later movies where like there's this long scraggly hair I don't like that at all, personally. It's disgusting in all the wrong ways. He's lumpy for some reason, you know?

You don't think you can trim that shit? He's got a machete right on him. Yeah, he's holding a blade almost 24 hours a day. And yeah, he is kind of lumpy and weird. He's like a sack of potatoes as a person. Yeah. You don't want that. I don't want to be killed by a sack of

potatoes. The hockey mask looks completely different in this movie also for no reason. Right. It looks like, it looks terrible. It's like Julie Tameor is Jason Overdesigned to an obnoxious point You know what? That does bring a good point that

A good sequel, a good change of pace Jason the musical Oh yeah If it goes to hell and it's a musical Like this is... That'd be fucking charming You could do that on Broadway. Do that on Broadway.

Oh, you totally could. They did Evil Dead the musical. That was hilarious. Get John Lithgow to play the devil. Hello Jason And then they tap dance together God, I'm dying to see this Also, we're totally

glossing over like one of the greatest ideas For Jason going to hell is he gets down there And the souls of all the teens That he's killed are there And it's like all out war against Jason And like since they're just like hell souls They're indestructible So he's just slicing through souls

And they're just coming back together I mean so Cretan Duke gets his ass arrest because he starts harassing Jason's sister in a diner. Oh, and let me tell you something about this diner. It's like the Friday the 13th Times Square store because it's like you get in there and it's like like Craton Duke orders the following. A Jason burger with some Jason fingers on the side. Right.

They got these beef patties that they rip out to make look like rip out pieces of it to make it look like a hockey mask. Right. I was like, who could ever see that? Are you serving these open face? Yeah, no, it's useless. You have to open the burger. Yeah. It's so, all that shit is so dumb.

But yeah, it's like, it's the Jason Voorhees diner or whatever. It's funny. It's like the town has hated this legend for so much that they actually change the name of the town to Forest Green at one point. Oh, right. Yeah. So now they've changed it back to Crystal Lake and they're loving it. Well, it just can't be, but it can't, it couldn't be because so many people are dying. You're still plagued by it.

It's not like the Loch Ness Monster Town where that shit ain't real and nobody ever died. You know what I mean? Yeah. Nessie ain't killed nobody. Yeah. But if Nessie was just eating tons of kids every year. Oh yeah. If it was like the Gator from that Betty White Gator movie. Oh, Lake Plastic?

Yeah. You wouldn't be celebrating that. It wouldn't be beloved. You'd be chucking death charges in there. At one point, Creighton Duke, so he goes to the diner and that's where Jason. Jason's sister is a waitress. Jason, I just love the idea. Oh, I think Jason's sister works there.

Oh, cool. That would be the biggest story of the town. I mean, she's a Voorhees. That's the thing. And by the way, I should mention that the reason they're doing, like, Jason Fingers and Jason Burgers is because the town is rejoicing because it's, like, public knowledge that this FBI sting happened. And they finally got him. Yeah. So everybody's, like, celebrating.

So, yeah, the town would be like, hey Alice or whatever it is. I add. Yeah. Like, aren't you, aren't you so stoked that we finally got your murder rampage brother? Like,

they blew up your brother. But nobody's saying shit about it. And I don't, it's not really clear if it's like a secret sister situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like,

kind of like what they wound up doing with the Halloween, yeah, Halloween two. Like, you don't know that shit in Halloween one unless you watch like the TV cut

because it's like a deleted scene where they talk about that. But yeah, like it's the same thing. Like, she's adopted different family and blah blah blah blah blah whatever but this it's like crate and duke like orders and he's like by the way diane what you think of as jason and i'm like no no no no you're doing it again

crate and duke you're talking too much like if you want to be a dude who's just after a serial killer that's fine but he just starts talking about the mysticism and like how it's this fucking monster and it's all about the bloodline and he can be reborn all it takes is another vorhees to be reborn oh my god where do you learn this fucking shit what book is it written in exactly how did this happen and what shaman did you visit well that's if you want

to do this if you really want to do this I need a either a flashback scene or the first scene of the movie is some Freemason orgy where like there's blood and it's Mrs. Voorhees and she drinks the blood and it's like oh fuck from here on out any of your spawns such and such and

who's the shit yeah exactly and you know what that would suck that would really suck. It would suck, but it helps the rest of the suckage go down a little smoother. It's like, you know what? This bad beer is disgusting, but at least it's ice cold bad beer, so it goes down. And Duke is such... I've been there, by the... Mr. Exposition, just make it further. Oh, I spent some time undercover in the occultz and I... Yeah. And I learned that a man could be brought back. You know, like...

Yeah, anything. Just fucking write something. Literally anything. But as it stands, This movie is a fucking can of Schaefer that you left in a hot car. Last summer when I was working the Dracula case, I came across his Vohie's Files, and I found out Dracula's Vorhees files. Maybe he's got like a roller desk. Yeah, yeah. Other monsters are up to. Yeah, other monsters.

See, that's the thing. Like, they're very shittily trying to make him like a Van Helsing type thing. But he doesn't do anything except do exquisites. by the way. Oh yeah, that's all, because they were like, oh my God. All of this stuff is so stupid and convoluted. We need an asshole in a duster and a

black cowboy hat to explain it to everybody because it's that stupid. Maybe the guy from 21 Jump Street. Sounds good to me. Print it. Oh, man. So, I mean, we follow basically

her, the daughter's the mother's daughter's boyfriend who doesn't know he has a baby with this girl is coming into town because the mother called him she's like hey you better get to town because shit's going down or something like that right and also yeah and also like this guy yeah he's like 30 yeah like maybe 29

still wearing like his high school letterman jacket crystal lake townies oh yeah man get out of my face with it He looks like fucking Earthworm Jim. Like, he's... Holy Toledo. Not a compliment. No, it's not.

Kids at home, Google Image. Also, at one point, like... So when Cretton Duke is harassing this woman in the diner, and she's like, get the fuck out of here. You know, I don't know who you're talking about. I'm not Diane Voorhees. Like, get out of my face and everything. He starts, like, sexually harassing her.

For out of nowhere, and he's like, oh, you're just mad because you're all pent up down there. You ever have a taste to the Duke? And I'm like, not this movie. Not the time nor the place, Creighton Duke. You were here to hunt a monster. I was referring to John Wayne. I came to Crystal Lake for two reasons. One, to give out ridiculous exposition.

And two, to harass ladies. Get your ass over here. Like, no, no, no, no, Creighton Duke. Absolutely not. She's supposed to see how far you can get. And then it's like this. old ass sheriff comes over and he does the old like is there a problem here and that's how he gets himself arrested because he fucking like harasses this sheriff and like ruffs him up or something yeah he's like pointing him in the chest or something like it's like you don't how are you behaving this way in front of a cop well it's also like he kind of uh he's ledger the joker's himself into jail because it's all part of this master plan he made nothing in his pocket but knives and lint Creighton Duke

Transplants a cell phone into some guy's body It's all part of the plan Jason's like, is that a phone ringing? Boom Oh no Is that a phone ringing? Oh no I'm going to get Maggie

Gillenold Turns out he's just having, like, a brain aneurism. So, I mean, then this turd comes into town, and it's great because he's driving and, like, he picks up some hitchhikers, which, A, it's Crystal Lake. Don't be hitchhiking,

A, and B, don't pick up hitchhikers. No, no, no, no, no, no. Stanched non-hitchhiking laws in Crystal Lake. Also, don't go camping. And that's the problem, right? Because he picks him up and he's like, the guy's, like, fucking with him. He's like, ah, gonna go out to the lake, huh? Maybe smoke a

doobie, have some pre-marital sex. I hate that because that's like what we on the outside can say about slasher films, right? We can make those Jamie Kennedy rules. But this fucking Letterman jacket wearing asshole doesn't know what those things are. But it's because Jason, they finally caught Jason, man, we can do it. Yeah, oh, yeah, that's the thing. Well, hey man, the main man got butchered. We can go camping again.

Would you want to really push your luck and do it the same fucking week? Exactly. Wait till the next summer season, okay? Give it a year. Oh, there haven't been any murders the rest of that summer after the FBI fucking drone wiped him off the map. Perfect. Now we can go, Kim. Also, you don't go to Hotel Rwanda the week after it closes, okay? Look, after you don't go a week after Nick Nolte takes everybody out of there, okay? You got to give that shit some time. Speaking of a good movie, Nick Nolte versus Jason. He can just play Nick Nolte for all I can. Yeah, no, you wouldn't need him to play a game. God damn it, I got to go take care of this fucking Jason. God damn it.

Kids can't go camping anymore. He just yells at Jason and Jason backs down. My daughter won't shut up on dad. I want to go camping at Crystal Lake. But Jason's there and I can't go on vacation. And God damn it, I want her out of the fucking house so bad. I can't stand it anymore. I'm going to take care of it.

My own bare hands. fucking Jason joke slams him to hell Dropping the elbow Oh man Whatever so then these fucking kids get killed And it's weird because it's like It's this sexy lady and a couple And the sexy lady is like hitting on earthworm gym

Right thank God Earthworm Jim picked us up Or else this is the weirdest camping trip Like that's what I understand Like they were like Oh sorry Maude you don't have a date for the camping trip well we should hitchhike because then maybe a dude will pick us up yeah and sleep with you this is

it's such a stupid premise from the get go unless this guy is trying to angle that three he might be angling a bit you know and but she the other the couple woman doesn't seem to be into it she's not she's not doing her part to angle it she's

she's more like do you mind if we use this tent yeah and she's like the other girl's like yeah I did want to sleep outside after all. Like, why would you go on this trip? Just don't, A, it's dangerous and B, it's awkward unless you're really

interested in hearing your friends fuck three inches away from you. And maybe that's her thing. I don't know. I don't know. Craton Duke didn't tell me if that was, if there was any mythology about whether or not this lady hitchhiker likes watching her friends fuck from afar. I don't know. Craton Duke

might have a file on that one. The only way to stop her from listening to her friend's fuck is for her to listen to someone of her bloodline to fuck we have to make her walking on her parents fucking the last words the wolf man said to me before I killed him

was look out for this one lady because she likes to be very close to her friends fucking also what I hate about this is like it's set up in such a way that you think like because the girl says to Earthworm Jim like hey man you want to hang

out like we are going to you know roll a spliff and you know get stupid and he's like that's okay i gotta go check out on the mother-in-law that never was that's my that's my plans for the mother-in-law that got away and she's like are you sure because i'm going to have sexual intercourse with you and he's like no that's fine me and my letterman jacket have to get to town and she's like okay well i'll see you later maybe and i'm the first time i saw this movie i was like all right well you know we'll see them later Yeah, you would think she was the girl from the movie. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Like, she's the final girl. Like, this is a character in the movie. Yeah. No, because our coroner finally walks into town and butchers these three people. God damn it. Just this like this guy covered in

blood, like a big bright white coroner lab coat. Walking from Ohio to northern New Jersey in like a day, day and a half. It's so dumb. Where is the scene where he's riding the rails just killing all the hobos in the box cars?

Give me that at least, right? Because just explain. Here's the thing. You have two choices movie. Either you explain to me how he got from Ohio back to New Jersey so fast or you don't take him to Ohio in the first place. All you have to do is change that

goddamn title card and you're good. Go to Pennsylvania. Who knows? Whatever. whatever West New Jersey West Orange You know We're taking them to the shore

Exactly If anything goes wrong We can shoot him out to sea Jason on the high seas But Jason at the Jersey shore Oh wow It's right there It's right in his neck of the woods

It's right there By the way there is a movie Called like Jersey Shore Massacre Yeah I think it's produced by Jay Wow Or one of those idiots And something to do with it It's one of those like

horror movies that's this close to pornography. Yeah, sure. It's kind of, I'm guessing, not really a movie. Right? Yeah, no, it's a fake movie. You'll find out in Netflix, oh, fuck, I got fucked. And you pause it.

Oh, no, I wanted to watch a real movie. So, this corner, the one thing about this also is, Jason is not very good at not pretending to be Jason. Like, he can't normal walk. Nope. He doesn't talk until the end, which is really a big problem for me also. So, like, he, for the whole movie, he's not talking because Jason doesn't talk. So he's just like, everyone does a pretty good Jason face when they're playing Jason.

It's just like being mad and mean, like aggressive for no reason. Yeah, that's me going to work every day. It's like you look like you're seconds away from boiling over. Speaking of, can we talk with the weirdest scene in this movie? Sure. So he's tired of being this mortician. Oh, God, yeah. So he gets this, he gets one of the deputies.

He's like a couple of deputies, obviously, because it's. Crystal Lake, and he clubs him over the head, and you're like, oh, man, here comes another kill. The guy wakes up in a room full of candles, naked. Oh, God, yeah. Strapped, leather

strapped to, like, I don't even know what, a fucking gynecologist chair. Like, this guy is ready for some weird shit. He may as well be in a set of stirrups. Yeah, exactly. And, like, you're like, what the fuck is Jason up to this time? It is such a what the fuck. I'm watching the movie.

the other night and my wife comes home and she's like, you guys are doing a torture porn movie? I was like, no, no, no. This is a Friday the 13th movie. Don't be fooled. That's how bad this is. But yet this dude, and oh, and. Yeah. What's even, you don't think you can get

any weirder than that until you realize he starts shaving this guy. Like, the guy's kind of got like a beard, like a, like a scraggly beard. He's also got a mustache and he's shaving off the mustache. And it's like all just because Jason wouldn't wear

Jason wouldn't have a mustache But the stupid thing is the fucking coroner has a mustache the whole fucking movie What the what is this? What is this? What is this? What is the purpose of this scene? Why is this dude naked? Why does he have to be naked?

He also doesn't really torture him at all right? He soul vomits into his mouth And takes over his body We should talk about how he gets into people Oh God, let's get into it So there's like, I guess it's kind of like an alien tongue type thing, just comes

out of his mouth and goes into the next mouth and then it's just, it is what it is. And now he's mad and running around. Exactly. And somehow he gets his clothes back on. Like, this is the only

time in this movie where someone needs to be strapped down, stripped naked, shaved, and is then possessed by Jason. Everybody else it's just a quick like come as you are yeah now you're jason and he's just bopping around it happened so fast it's like fucking falling like that scene in falling when denzil washington's chasing him down the sidewalk and he keeps bumping into people like that's how fast it goes most of the time

except this one time where he may suck this dude's dick i don't know yeah and of all people to get naked on a table a 60 year old man yep a punched 60 year old man just like terrified because he's even, and this guy, this actor plays it right, he's like, what's going on here? It's not even like he's scared for his life. He's just like, this is getting weird. Like, just fucking do it already, man. It's, this shit doesn't go down in Crystal Lake.

Whatever you're going to do to me, make sure I'm dead first. Seriously. It's so insane that this guy's naked. And it happens for, and it just, it's over. And now he's the guy. Wait, quick, just quick. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I can't. I block this scene out. every time, like, because it's just so odd and doesn't fit in this movie at all. But one follow-up question, what is this table that it's coming

with the belts already attached to it? Where are you getting all these straps? I don't understand it. It's like, it's too sexy for this movie. And this is all happening, by the way, in what we come to know as the Vorhe's house. Oh, that

is in the Vorhe's house? Yeah, because oh yeah. Not only, is this whole family line and whatever. There's also a spooky haunted house that I guess they lived in at one point. It's a castle. First, you're lying to the audience. It's a castle. And so this

was from the castle's dungeon, I guess, this table. You know what it looks like is a live action rendering of the house from Duck Tales? Like the house where Scrooge McDuck lived, like it kind of had a nice residential bent to it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what this looks like. It was nice of McDuck to kind of build his mansion to kind of fit in the vibe of Duckburg. It does not be too over? No, that's the Duckberg zoning district, man. They will fucking fuck you all. Yeah, totally. There were all sorts of petitions. He had this whole high-rise plan.

They fucked him. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. So what were you saying? I interrupted you to talk about duck tails. I don't think I remember. Well, if it comes back to you, feel free to interrupt me. That should be our tagline.

I'm sorry I interrupted you to talk about duct tails. Also, I think it's in the same scene with the, it's like right before he straps the dude down, like the doctor, the corner like comes at this guy and then the dude like looks in the mirror and the reflection is Jason. Oh, that's a stupid thing. Oh, why didn't they burn the goddamn house down by now?

Yeah. Why is it still standing at all? Yeah, it would be left there. Looters, the government. They fucking T-Ped Ray Finkel's house at Ace Ventura. That guy only just kicked a field goal wrong. This house is in pretty good shape for being, I guess, derelict for the last 20-something years, I guess,

if we look at the years on this. And being inhabited by two mass murderers. Yeah. I'm just saying that house shouldn't be there. It shouldn't be standing. No. It shouldn't be. so um earthworm jim finally gets to the mother-in-law's house well actually no jason gets there first as

this deputy and again like he's not do he doesn't do a sly thing where he's like oh hey teresa or you know like even just kind of like quiet maybe he can't talk but he's got a nice smile on his face no he's just got a fucking i'm gonna fucking kill you face he just comes right at her yeah and attacks her and kills her yeah earthworm jim gets there at the end and can't stop it it's great because she shoots this guy right in the fucking head and it's amazing. It's really good. This dude drops. She dies and then like the dude

after getting shot like goes flying out this window. And so then like the rest of the police show up or some cop shows up or something and here's Earthworm Jim standing over his dead mother-in-law that got away, you know? And so then this dude is arrested for murder

because of course Jason got up even though he got shot in ahead and thrown out a window like he gets up and runs away. And he's like buddies with a deputy and this is when he meets Creighton Duke and Creighton Duke sits everybody on his lap and starts talking about a whole bunch of garbage. Like the dude's

putting him in the cell. He's like, by the way, don't bring up Jason. He's been talking about Jason for like five hours. He's got a lot of stuff that you don't want to know about. It's like we really like, you know, we're from Crystal Lake. We know how Jason operates. This guy, he's got all these stories about this like magic mumbo jumbo and

curses and bloodlines. He doesn't know Jason. You know what it's like? You know what Creight and Duke is like? All those beams you see flying around Facebook where it's like, you know how Uncle Owen and Epprew really died? You know what happened really at the end of The Little Mermaid? No, because that wasn't in the fucking movie. You know why?

That's why. Yeah, this is a... It's a secret. This theory is going to blow your mind. It's a Jason conspiracy theory. It's exactly what it is. He's got this weird game where he's like, you want to know what's going on with your mother-in-law and your now baby

daughter and he's like what he's like i got to break your finger first and it's like what what and what is he testing here to see if like this guy's really serious about taking down jason so i'm gonna damage your hand so you can't hold a weapon of any kinds like you break three of my fingers guess what i'm done for the movie yeah yeah enjoy hunting jason yeah broken fingers are no joke you're not you're not firing guns you're not fighting people it's like in broken arrow when christian slater gets shot in the arm and then like he uses that arm to punch

yeah it's uh it's travolta but yes oh oh oh yeah like travolta gets shot at one point yeah and then he's like using the fucking shot arm to just throw on these A makers it'd be great like because like you know your wife is screaming but you're in the back with like this like bandaged up hand like sorry I just I can't

I was playing breaky fingy with this dude in prison I would really love to help you out right now Like Jason on your own. There's also this weird sexual bent to this, too, because it's like Creighton. Is it Creighton? Yeah, Creighton Duke. So Creighton's like feeling up his hand.

Yeah. It's getting like kind of sexual at some point. And even Earthworm Jim's like, wait, what do I got to do to get this information? He's like, I know I'm in prison, but this is like a little small town jail cell. This isn't the real deal. I'm not in Jen Pop right now. And this is like five minutes after that weird. shaving scene so I'm like what the fuck's going on

in this movie so this weird sex for no reason yeah and I mean this is where we learn the whole like bloodline yeah he's like you gotta go back to you've got a tell this woman who never knew she was related to Jason that she is go to the Voorhe's house find the evidence and it's like oh my

God find the evidence you know what this turns into this is when you have to start solving mysteries in resident evil games yep exactly I'm here to kill zombies don't make me solve a puzzle that's what this is i'm here to watch jason kill teenagers that are smoking weed and having sex don't make me go hunting for clues one of which is the necronomicon from evil dead for what and for why and it's the actual prop i read on the trivia that it was like oh really they took it out of the smithsonian sam raby lent it out from the prop designer and like the prop

designer was insanely pissed off that he did that because he didn't know was being used in a movie and he wanted to get paid for it. Oh, well, he should have. That's, oh, that's like when you, when someone's over your house and you give away one of your roommates' Blurays and be like, oh, no, it's cool. He won't mind.

He'll definitely mind. Oh, he'll fucking find out about it. Yeah. I'm looking at my copy of Donnie Darko, freshman year college roommate. Fucking liar. So the fact that the Necronomicon is in this movie means it's got a shared universe

with the Evil Dead films, which is why people have that, there was like a comic book and there's all that fan stuff about Freddie versus Jason versus Ash. Oh, right. I remember those came out. Dark Horse put out a thing. I think it was Dark Horse.

Might have been. And by the way, Jason Vorhe's mother has the Necronomicon. Why does Pamela Vorhees possess this fucking demonic text? Maybe that's where the bloodline started or something. Yeah, I guess so. So me, you don't... But here's the thing. Here's the thing. Like, as fans,

of both franchises, which a lot of people are. Right. You can't just put that in as a gag. Yeah. That means something. Like, I'm sorry, that means something. So, what are you saying then? Like, if these are shared universes, how did this book get from the cabin

down to, and 93, what's it 93, also when Army of Darkness came out? Yeah, right around there, yeah. So it's like, I mean, so what, like, what are you saying by putting that book in this movie? Maybe Ash works down the street

That's where the supermarket is At the end of Army of Darkness Yes It doesn't make sense Because this movie plays it so straight For most of it Like there's jokes here and there But this movie's not winking at anybody

No no no no It's really like this is the serious story Of Jason everybody Yeah like for reals We start making the jokes In the next movie Yeah So let's take time out of our super serious

Fucking weird Jason mythology movie To be Shop Smart Shop Esmart. Yeah. Like what? What? For what?

For who? Why? It's nothing. The answer is nothing, nobody, and no reason. So what happens is, by the way, the daughter who comes back into town and is like, oh, my God, my mother's dead. That sucks. Who's dating the hard copy reporter? That's a big thing.

Also, she's the same age as her mother in case you were wondering. Yeah. They're both 31 years old. I couldn't believe that what they were trying to pull over on me. It's insane. They're the same fucking age. It's crazy. So she comes back and the hard copy reporter bursts into where he's his house and like, this is where is where Jim is there so he hides in the closet.

Right. And he's like, he calls his producer and he's like, hey man, guess what I just did. He's like, I stole that bitch's body from the morgue and I put it in the basement. And like presumably his producer hangs up and calls the police immediately. Yeah, because I know hard copy. was kind of a sleazy show, but American case file is really sleazy, apparently.

And the guy's like, what? He's like, it'll think of the ratings. And it's like, what ratings? What ratings? If you're supposed to be a hard copy, you air on Fox at 7 o'clock on a Saturday. Nobody's watching. You're not stealing corpses. It's so insane.

And, you know, he's like, ha-ha, and then I fuck that bitch, too. So, like, oh, man, he's not a good guy. And Earthroom Jim's like, oh, man. And all of a sudden, the deputy breaks in and takes over this guy. Right. And speaking of no one's looking, a scene that doesn't make any sense, is after, we didn't see what happened to the coroner after he took over. Which, why, if you're having this happen with this guy?

Yeah. It's the same thing. Why did the coroner have the mustache and this guy can't? Why does what happens to this guy happen? But it didn't happen to the coroner. Dude, it is the most weird, horrific. It's great. Well, it's weird because, A, this guy's got no brains in his head because they got blown out.

So immediately he should be dead. They should, like, straight dead. Like, after Jason So leaves, dropped, nothing. Bag of bones. But no, he's still alive at an incredible pain. And his jaw hits the floor. Yeah. His whole body falls apart.

He just starts melting for no reason. His actual jaw comes off. And, like, is it a thing where it's like, like, Jason replaces, like, your soul or something? So, like, when he leaves, like, your body can't exist without a soul. So it just melts. Like, is that what it's supposed to? Because it's not explained, nor does it happen ever again.

Right into the WHM mailbag and I'll delete them. Because I don't want to read about it. I'll delete your email. Yeah, because you know what? It's just so stupid. It's just an excuse to do like... Gore effects. Yeah, it's just like, hey, what if Jason was sort of like a Hellraiser-ish type of thing for half a second?

Yeah, because why not? That float your boat? Nope. We've got more movie left. I'm really surprised there wasn't a fucking hellraiser cube in the Voorhees house. Because why the fuck not? Where's the puzzle box? Where's, how about, oh, there's the mask from Michael Myers.

because yeah, fuck you, that's why. Sure. Leather faces, chainsaws. Yeah, oh, that's it. It just says saw is family on the blade. Maybe the necklace from what lies beneath is there. And maybe the necklace from Titanic is there, too. So it's like, we got to go back to this diner and hang out with these townies some more. And it's like a waitress, the owner who's rusty swimmer, the husband, who's the fry cook, little weiner guy.

Their son, who's just a big fat kid. then we start playing where's the baby and you know the baby was hidden at some point and earthworm Jim's like I don't know I left it with that lady and she's like I don't know where I put it yeah because you have not given a fuck about this baby at all don't fucking shove

the baby in as a big thing in the last 20 minutes yeah what we learned and also I think that there's a little bit of a bullshit because like Crane Duke only says and tell me how I got this wrong when Jason you know Jason he can't stand another body that's

not of Warhys for too long. Is that right? Yes. Okay. Because I think even like, you know, what's his face starts getting a little jacked up, the morticianer, the coroner is like,

well, that guy should be the most jacked up because he walked from Ohio to New Jersey. He's a little tired. But isn't it? So I think, and then when he gets inside of another body, that's the one he'll be able to stay in. I don't think they say he'll be reborn.

I thought he would just take it over for good. No, it's a reborn situation because one I noted was this is another fucking bad sequel where it's a monster using a baby to like birth itself back into the world. Oh yeah.

Little Ghostbusters to anybody? Like that's fucking Vigo the Carpathians playing with little baby Oscar. And mother to me. So yeah, the whole thing is like he's got to get he's possibly trying to get to this baby if he inhabits the baby. He's good to go. Jason will be born.

again yes is the idea here so he uh he breaks his fat kid's hand pretty good um that's fun where it's like the kid tries to punch him and he rips his arm off right i mean it's this whole thing where like all these diner idiots they all have guns behind the counter yeah so they all just start laying waste to him just a lot of firepower here of course nothing it comes to nothing just like everything in this movie he burns the fry cook to death which is fun that's kind of a good one that the little like pee-wee guy gets his like face shoved in the friator and then he gets thrown onto the grill yeah he had it out for that weenie he's just cooking up speaking of cooking weenies man he's just cooking up on that grill well i mean jason saw what the menu was and he was offended

how about some you fingers yeah seriously that's a good call uh the dumbest one of this is rusty swimmer just gets punched in the face yeah and like her jaw goes inverted kind kind of. And she's just like, oh, and just falls over. The worst makeup job I've ever seen.

It's like, oh, I guess she got punched in her face because now there's red lines on her jaw. Well, that's the other thing,

too, is like, so the strength on these Jason bots or whatever is, it varies quite a bit because he breaks his fat guy's arm,

catches his thing and rips his whole hand off. Yeah. He punches this woman so hard and she dies. But then again, like, later in the movie,

everyone's just kind of like punch in him and he's going oh oh you know what he's really getting it yeah it doesn't make any sense not a lick of sense nothing in this movie makes it at this point creight and duke steals their baby and leaves a note that says come alone to the vorhees mansion obvi once again which i also love this it's a bit of really dumb filmmaking is they have the actor stephen williams reading the voiceover narration of this baby theft note that he leaves and it's like hi this is Creight and Duke, I got your baby. Meet me at the Vohy's compound.

Adios. You're just like fucking stop it. It started out with, Dear Mr. Mrs. Limburg. Dear Charles Limburg, you think you're so hot because you flew around the world. I'm the immortal bounty hunter,

Creighton Duke, and that's why I know all the secrets of the world. I do two things good. Kill serial killers and steal babies. I've taken your baby to Stonehenge Come and find me Why am I there? I know some druids

You'll see Yeah oh it's a big you'll see So we're back at the Vorhe's house For the fucking final sequence of this movie She goes alone because he says come alone Which doesn't even really make any sense Like why wouldn't you bring the up As many people as you can bring them all

You know what I mean? Exactly Why is Creight and Duke trying to like lessen the numbers here. You know why? I think it's because he wants the credit. Oh, yeah. He doesn't want fucking Earthworm Jim taking credit for killing Jason Voorhees once and for all. That'd be a damn shame. Yeah.

See, Creighton Duke's downfalls is hubris. I work my whole life hunting Jason Voorhees. Then I get to the Vorhees Mansion and peewee over here takes him out. No thank you says Creighton Duke. So Earthworm Jim finds Jason's

machete and grabs and he's like, it's your standard movie, now I'm two and a half minutes behind you thing yeah and then jason got shot enough that he had to take a little power nap before the rest of the movies you know i ate a lot i'm just gonna you know i'm gonna go out tonight you know i'm gonna take a quick 30 minute nap wake up have a beer and we're gonna be fucking ready to go take a shower get myself all ready to hit the streets again you know i know i'm gonna be up till three tonight yeah and i'm just getting older you know he wants to go in front yeah it's the fucking eighth time i'm doing this does jason use the bathroom that's a great

question. Right? Yeah, I don't know. No, you know. Because he's got that jumpsuit on a lot of times. I'd like to take it off. He's just like letting it go. Oh, man. Well, because he's got a smell enough as it is. Like, what the fuck does he care? Yeah, who cares? Just take a shit in your pants. I don't know, man. Even if I'm dead, I'm going to care a little bit. Well, in that remake or like the reboot or whatever, where they like... But he's, he's, in that timeline, he would still be. a human right i guess so yeah but they stupidly try to explain like how he gets around the forest so fast and it's because he's dug a bunch of tunnels that he can just run through it's really stupid i was drunk during that movie and i forgot about that four years oh man we actually this is a story i think all

of us we went to that weird firefighter bar or whatever yes and we got we got hammered and this was this is actually it's a good friday the 13th story i can tell this so we went to this bar and it was like it was like $2 pBRs or something like that and we're all so excited we're going to see the new Friday the 13th movie and I was like oh no I'm clearly not drunk enough for this let me see if I could bring some beers into the theater and I went up to the bartender and I was like can you sell me like four PBRs that I'm going to put in this book bag and the girl was like that's against the law I have to open them I can't just sell you unopened beers I was like no no no it's okay I'm going to the movies with it and she was like my boss is here like I could get in trouble and

I was like, no, come on. And she did it. And she sold me these like four PBRs and I put him in a book bag. And we went to the movie and we were sitting like the front row because we were so drunk. We got there like two minutes before it started or something. So we had terrible seats. I'd go through all the beers. I'm like, oh, no, I got to go to the bathroom.

And I went up and I went to the bathroom. And when I came back, I was so drunk, I forgot where we were sitting. And I just stood just looking around the theater and I couldn't see anybody. And it's a Friday of the 13th movie. So it's like dark the whole time. So I was like, there's not going to be a scene where there's like daytime and you can see in the theater. And I just looked and like close to me, there was an empty seat. And I go up to it and I lean over to the girl next that's like next to it.

And I go, uh, is anyone sitting here? And she was like, no. And this is like an hour into this movie. And I was like, okay. And I sat down and instantly fell asleep. And I woke up and the credits were on. And I was like, oh, I'd slip through that whole fucking movie. And then you guys were like, we thought you left because it was so bad.

I was like, no, no, no. I was drunkenly passed out in another chair. That's what happens when you go see these kinds of movies. Nothing there. Nothing left. It's fine. But my point of bringing up that remake was they show you the tunnels. He didn't dig no toilet trench.

I think he's just going in his fucking pantaloons, man. Well, if you let's, I would say, if I had a series of tunnels and there were certain tunnels that were wider than others maybe you just go on the wall in one tunnel and you're like I'm running through these fast anyway you're like oh man I hope they go don't go to the west

oh fuck they went to the west hold the rest ain't the west side of the woods and I mean it's stupid so you know Creighton Duke tells her all about the fucking thing he can only you have to use this blade he gives her

a dagger that when she touches turns into Excalibur. Right. This shit is it's and it's complete with like orange like light effects like that animate through the thing as it extends into this fucking medieval blade.

Creight and Duke got this from the set of the Golden Childs. I was going to say crawl. That too. He definitely he's probably speaking of crawl I bet he has tangled with a cyclops. Oh, he's gotten them all, man.

The Cyclops, he wrangled in the Loch Ness monster. Giant Spider. Oh. Everything. Absolutely. Yeah, this fucking magic blade. Give me a break. And there's also this, this movie takes a whodunit turned for no reason.

Like, uh, Jason done it. Oh, the whole like, which deputy is it? Yeah, I'm the good guy. No, I'm the good. Because one of, they both start talking. You're right. And it's where it is. It breaks all the rules that I've had about.

this fake bullshit you gave me because he's like, hey, Lori or whatever. Like, it's fine. The other guy's, no, I'm not Jason. No, I'm not. It's like, this is stupid. How can Jason articulate to such a degree, I mean, even if it's his soul, his soul is mentally challenged.

Yeah, no, exactly. Well, maybe that's the thing, though. Maybe like he was like, this genius serial killer just trapped in this, you know, deficient body kind of thing. Then why didn't he fucking puke soul earlier in the franchise.

I don't know, but what I do know is this one dude takes a fucking sword to the neck and a fucking monster pops out. My favorite part of any movie that's ever... It's like so... Speaking of a Gremlin. You've been watching this movie for 90 minutes.

You think what you know what's going on. They've layered bullshit on to bullshit on the bullshit. And all of a sudden you cut this guy's head off and you're like, oh, what's going to happen now? And a little demon comes out. I'm like, no, fucking way. And it just looks at the camera like

it looks like in space balls when John Hurt reprises his role from fucking alien and that that little face hugger comes out, the fake one that sings, hello my baby. It looks exactly like that. It might be the same puppet. Oh my God. And this

thing is just crawling all over the floor. They're trying to like shoot it and shit. Now we've established that is Jason. Jason is now a little monster rat. so wait a second that's what he was soul vomit so his soul is like a tangible monster rat that just happened to be in this mentally challenged dead man now here's the thing this is where someone says and what the fuck how the fuck did that happen cut to black title card just comes up right and it just says fuck you like it says get ready for this comma fuck you deal with it. Then it cuts to 30 years earlier.

Right? Or when is he supposed to die? So at this point, like 40 years earlier. Sure. Right. It's Jason. He's like, you know, you hear it's Jay. You know, like the mother yells up, be careful in the woods, Jason or whatever, right?

And he like uncovers this little demon, right? And it's kind of like in that second Jurassic Park movie when all those like little dinosaurs are on the beach and they look all cute. Yeah. That's what this thing is. And it's like And he's like, oh, what are you supposed to be? And he, like, gets closer to it.

And he's like, come on, I won't hurt you. My name's Jason. What's your name? And it just goes, the devil. And then, like, jumps inside. And then you see, like, this little kid with, like, this little fucking snake monster thing, like, in its mouth. And then it goes inside him, and it's like, this monster's been inside him. And now.

the monster's controlling the body and now the monster doesn't know how to swim yeah exactly the monster never anticipated a lake that's what happens more of a shore monster not so much a sea monster as it is a shore monster

so so jason drowns and uh exactly and the saga begins yeah oh wow jason begins i love it i would love it if you see the inside of one of these possessed bodies and i'm just picturing like it's this little like demon puppet with like a hard hat on and it's just working these control levers to like drive the body well they're all like the independent state aliens at that point you know like this this exoskeleton yeah you're totally right that's stupid

it's so stupid it's amazing and he finds a crack in the floor and he goes down and whoops that guy that producer for no reason brought a dead corpse into the situation right so in the basement we've got a vorhees and you know he can only die by a vorhees and only through a vorhees can he be reborn and there's a bullshit thing where she's like wait did you never said uh he has to take over a live vorhees right he's like no i didn't and it's like bullshit that's a detail i have unfortunately left out until right this very second and it's absolutely true well good thing there's no dead voe he's in this house because it would make any sense.

Like, why would a producer bring a dead body? Yeah. And then Earthworm Jim's like, oh, by the way, that thing's down in the basement with Diane right now! And then Jason just jumps through the floor and it's like, well, fucking welcome to the party, pal.

You're who I paid the ticket for, you lazy scumbag. Now he's been reborn with the jumpsuit and hockey mask and everything. Yeah, what the flying fuck. And his lumpy rat king head, which I'm not, again, I don't like the look. I really don't like the look. It's disgusting.

It's stupid. It doesn't need to look like this. And why would the jumpsuit and hockey mask also be reborn? It makes no sense. I mean, yeah, he didn't even have the hockey mask in the second movie. Right. At least in that Jason X, when he becomes Uber Jason at the end of that movie, and it's fucking stupid looking, at least it looks different.

Yeah. Like, there's a purpose. Like, he should look the slightest bit different. Yeah. It's literally the same costume from the FBI sting. And he... He kills Duke at this point. He bears hugs him.

He's like, come on, Jason, kill me. I dare you to. Well, I kind of... I wanted it to be, like, a thing where, like... This is not the death I want for Crating Duke. I want, like, Jason, like, pulling out his intestines. Oh, yeah. And, like, Duke's like, you gotta keep tickling me all night, pussy.

You know what I mean? Like, that kind of shit. Is that all you got? Yeah, exactly. Like, he needs the fucking quint from Jaws death. Yes. But he doesn't have it. He just gets, uh, is, is back broken.

And then he gets, Ooh, yeah, backbreaker. Speaking of which, there's a big fat wrestling fight outside. He throws Earthworm Jim out and like, he throws him to a monkey bar, he grabs his leg at one point of like, is he going to do this sharpshooter? Like, I was almost positive. Like, you're fighting on this front lawn. It's a real lethal weapon fight.

All you need is Gary Busey and a broken fire hydrant. Like, you know, really just going at it on this front lawn. And then, like, the girl comes out with the fucking magic dagger and just, like, shoves it into his chest. And, like, the little fireflies start coming out again, kind of. And he's, like, kind of weakened. And then she's got the fucking titular, go to hell. And she, like, super kicks him, like, Lou Kang style.

and like gets that dagger like all the way in I guess like it wasn't in there all it's like when your fucking lamp is kind of plugged in but not really and the lights like sort of turning on and you're like what's going on oh it's not plugged in all the way this devil magic's not coming in all the way bad reception on this devil magic and so she kicks it in then this thing really lights up like a fucking roman candle and all these ghostbuster hands come up and start pulling him down into hell and they start pulling earthworm gym down to hell I was like let it happen she waits a while before helping him yeah she really does she's like and you can you can see it all flashing before her eyes right it's like if she lets him get pulled down it's a tragedy he helped me out he's the father of my child but i really don't want to spend the rest of my life with him and then she looks at the other side of the intersection and it's them growing old together they maybe have another couple of kids she's never truly happy, but she can't say anything because this guy saved her from Jason.

Honestly, no amount of couples therapy will help my relationship after my girlfriend waits more than one second to stop me from going to hell. You know what? Yeah, pull them out and then

go your separate ways. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, you know what? This has been some fucked up shit. I don't want to think about this ever again. Exactly. Every day when I wake up and look at you. I'm going to think about that time I had to fucking fight Jason who was reborn out of my dead mother's vagina. Oh, is that how that works?

Yes, because they have we didn't mention this. When he says that thing's in the basement with fucking Diane or whatever. Oh yeah, it goes right in there. There's a POV shot of this little thing going, and the camera fucking Evil Dead style slides right between her legs. And she's

wearing like her waitress like diner outfit. Yeah. You know, like the skirt and it just goes right up and you're like fucking come on every other time this thing goes through the mouth. Yes. And this one time because it's a lady, this movie's got to go up the skirt. Like, fuck you. Fuck you big time. It's so

dumb. And so he's pulled down to hell and that's it. They hilariously have a like, it's kind of funny because it's really poorly filmed. They're walking down the street. The sun's coming up and they're just walking like arm and arm and I was like, where's that baby? And you can only kind of like sort of

see that he's carrying it in one arm, but it's all them just walking away from the camera at dawn, so you can't see it. It's like you have to have the reverse angle of that, of like the happy family reunited. Like, how do you not show that fucking baby? Like, that's how little

this movie actually cared about this baby. Took you long enough. Now the baby's Paul Giumadi. Oh, no, I was thinking of, you know, Earthworm Jimby. It's still pissed. I would never, I would never let that go. Yeah, no, you're living with that forever. You fucking, you hold it over him,

every time you hold it over her every time she'd like forget something oh yeah oh that's fine remember that time you waited more than a second to save me from Jason and being pulled into hell do you remember that so then of course we have the big thing

that set off a decade's worth of internet chatter oh man and fan scripts upon fanscripts oh yeah you got the hockey mask just laying in the dirt a dog comes up out of nowhere it does nothing how do you not train this dog to urinate on this hockey mask. Hold on a second. Is this dog like a hint at something else?

Is this, does this dog ever franchise? It's Cujo maybe. Oh, there you go. There's another crossover. Yeah. So the dog like sniffs it and he's like, this is stupid. This movie sucks. I don't want to be associated with whatever this is and just walks away. And then up comes Freddy's glove, pulls it down, and it's someone doing a bad Robert England impression laughing. And then there it. It's like, all they're reunited. in hell or united for the first time in hell

it's a real we'll figure it out later situation like all we need is the one thing we'll figure it out the rest rights itself shoot first ask questions later and you know even an epilogue in hell if he at all went to hell if we went with him to hell for even one scene you know and maybe you're right maybe it is all the teens

and they're all there and maybe you get all those fucking be list actors you spend the 300 bucks to get everybody from all the movies to look at him with dead eyes and it's like oh shit you know like that's right jason we have all aged horribly in hell every last one of us yeah i guess that'd be a problem i finally seen the gravity of my crimes except for those of us who have bottomed out the back end of the porn industry who the producers couldn't find oh no wow this is a real gang you're on your own jason when did he get possessed by macho man randy savage shoot first ask questions later uh and that's the end of the movie

that is the end of jason goes to hell it'll it'll be the last time i ever see it too yeah uh i mean that's the thing i say that about like a a lot of my less favorite or you know the the less enjoyable friday movies i revisit these movies man it's my favorite of the big franchises yeah I've got the Blu-ray box set. I revisit. I don't know that I'll go back to this one anytime soon, but I'll revisit. Oh, I'll revisit. Would anybody recommend Jason goes to hell the final Friday?

This is my first time seeing it. Like I said, I haven't seen a lot of these movies. I haven't seen most of these movies. I had a lot of fun with it. It was stupid. It had a good deaths per capita. You know what I mean? We're not waiting more than four or five minutes before somebody else gets it pretty

good yeah the scene at the beginning is great uh the scene at the end is ridiculous that little devil monster is never even implicated in anything oh thank you very much you're here yeah it's kind of a strong recommend for me weirdly wow um this is uh really different opinions on we hate movies because this is um i think this might be the worst movie we've done since easy rider too i wow i really just i dislike this movie i also i have the blu-ray box that as well i love the start of these movies. But yeah, no thanks.

I'll say this. I'll kind of sort of split the difference because I really do think that this is a subbar movie. So much so that I watched Jason X on my own free will just to check it out after watching this. But what I realized was if you're going to watch this movie, you have to either

preface your screening or follow up your screen. with a Friday the 13th movie that has Jason in it. This movie has to be part of a Friday the 13th double bill of some kind. Like you can't just have this one because there's no Jason.

Unless you don't care about seeing a Jason movie with Jason in it, then watch a way. That's fine. And then watch a new beginning as well. Right. But at least that one has someone who looks like it. But even in that movie, it's all like the off screen like just a hand coming in.

If I saw those two back to back, I jump off a bridge. Do you guys like that movie more than this? one? I do actually. Really? Part 5 more than this one? Yeah, New Begin. I do. That's the thing as the POV stuff. It made it such a tedium for me of like, ugh. Yeah, I don't care about

the who-donen aspect of it. I can totally see that, but for me, it's saved by the fact that it's like so fucking tubular 80s. Yeah, right. That really just has a sucker for it. And I mean, this might sound dumb, but it's kind of more of a grounded world. Like no magic. There's a, there's

a weight of the dirt in Crystal Lake there Like there's You know there's like There's you feel like that's a place And in this movie I'm like what Up is down black is white

People are eating Jason fingers It's true story I agree with that though There's no magic At the end of the day It's magic V no magic I mean yeah it's At the end of the day

Besides the first movie It's the most believable one actually five because it's uh it's believable that uh an uh an ambulance attendant would go on a murderous rampage after he sees that uh his pig son has been butchered by a crazy biker guy you mean his son that he couldn't know that existed yeah yeah the very right and he gets superhuman strength at the end yeah no you know what it's it's stupid and also wears a bald cap the entire time over a fucking hockey mask you mean that guy but at least it's not a fucking devil rat from who's

a fudge from dude you know what a better ending to this movie is like you know instead of you know all you know Freddie gets the hand out it's the devil rat comes up from the ground and gets into a fucking convertible

with two sexy ladies puts on some sunglasses and then we're out we're out and then a Martian spaceship comes and blows up earth because who gives a fuck anymore that's jason goes to hell the final friday directed by adam marcus if you want to get a hold of us check out our website w hmpodcast.com like us on facebook and follow us on twitter we're at w hm podcast uh how do you rate these sequels and their uh other rival franchises right into the mailbag we all hate movies at gmail dot com rate and review the show in iTunes or stitcher or wherever you get the program we would greatly appreciate it uh clue for next week's

spooktacular episode. Mark Boone Jr. Ooh. That's a spooky guy. He is a spooky looking guy. I love Mark Boon Jr. Yeah. He's all over the map too. All right. Mark Boon Jr. is the clue for next week's episode. Steve, we got a little extra project to talk about.

Yeah, just really quickly. If you like, the side show that we have, the app only slash band camp only, animation damnation. From now until the end of the month, that's October 31st, you know, whenever. we will be accepting emails for our listener request because we're going to do an animation damnation listener request you're going to have to call in

just shoot us an email we all hate movies at gmail.com tell us what the episode you have to give us the name of the show the name of the episode and some kind of link to that episode say it's on Netflix

know that it's on Netflix and do our YouTube link because honestly no one's getting a box set of fucking duck tails I apologize now no no no no no and it's kind of you do the research

for us audience but we'll read your email on the air obviously you're marking your email okay to print when you give it to us and it'll be a lot of fun so that will be the November

animation damnation so yeah now which is you know October whenever until it's the 14th I guess yeah until the 34th so you got two weeks yeah and find stuff

and yeah we can't stress it enough streaming on YouTube or streaming on Netflix streaming on Hulu we're not buying DuckTales Boxet and the name of an episode too because that's the really

cool part about these is it can be something we've done before it could be brand new show anything you have a really cool G.I. Joe you want to show us tell us about it tell us why

we'd love to go back to any of those places or see something brand new exactly there you go so another great listener request opportunity that's it for this week be sure to pick up your tickets

for the after dark Halloween marathon where we will be doing a live commentary at the Jacob Brins Film Center this Halloween October 31st, starting at 10 p.m. If you buy your badge before the 24th of October, you get $10 off your marathon pass. Until next week, I'm Andrew Jupin.

Dude and Ted. Eric Sisker. Take it easy. The term deranged sociopath gets thrown around a lot by the media. It really applies to my next guest. Starting today, you can see him in Friday the 13th, Part 8. Jason takes Manhattan. Please welcome Jason.