We Hate Movies - S5 Ep179: The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

Episode Date: November 18, 2014

On this week's episode, the gang gets skeeved out by the ultra-white, 90s, domestic thriller, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle! How in the world did the news station show our protagonist's picture on TV? Why do they keep singing lines from The H.M.S. Pinafore? And why won't this husband get mad?! PLUS: How you don't act at a surprise party. The Hand That Rocks the Cradle stars Annabella Sciorra, Rebecca De Mornay, Matt McCoy, Ernie Hudson, Julianne Moore and John de Lancie; directed by Curtis Hanson. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hey gang, listen up. This is a special W.HM programming announcement. This never happens, right? We never, we, we, we, this is unprecedented. Unprecedented. This is show history, folks. Remember when you have your grandson on your knee in 50 years, three fat guys told you something relatively important. It was pretty exciting for me and like 300 other people. That's more than that. on December 9th Tuesday December 9th

in our Tuesday episode slot we will be doing jingle all the way to Say what Exactly We've not seen this movie We kind of just had this idea like you know what Side unseen and this is kind of the point of Telling you guys is it's kind of like when somebody's going to scale the Empire State Building

It's like you know what This asshole is going to try it We'll see how it goes. If he falls to his death, he falls to his death. What are you going to do? So we may fall to our death. Hello, human fly here. Staying up all night dying my underwear for this.

But we will be staying up all night, dying our underwear for this episode. Because whether, like, here's the thing. We're going to do this rain or shine. Like, it could be a thing where it's like, this is dull as dirt. There's nothing to talk about. Or what a magnificent performance from Larry the Cable guy. A touching one, a real warm spot. I love my kids.

Like, who knows what could happen? Oh, no, I got dual personalities. Now I'm going to kill my kids. No, you're not, Larry. Yes, I am, Barry. The ghost of my grandfather just gave me... Oh, fuck, I don't know what that was going on. But that's exactly what we're saying.

Who knows what's going to happen? Exactly. Come December 9th? I mean, this could ruin the show. This could be the end of We Hate Movies as we know it. I don't know. Oh, man, some snooty podcast critic comes that one night on our restaurant. And it's like, oh, shit, we got it.

We're running around. Huge kitchen fire. Oh, I mean, who knows? So does he, like, wear a t-sedo to his laptop? Yes. No, no, no, it's a t-shirt. Oh, yeah, of course. So December 9th, rain or shine, good or bad.

Jingle all the way, too, starring Larry the cable guy. Tell your friends. Tell, you know, we wanted this to be a big coming-out party. We'll see what happens. It's going to be, obviously, all four of us are going to be there. As we're, you know, also, by the way, approaching the fourth anniversary of We Hate Movies. So this is like prepping the celebration. You don't have to eat chestnuts because they're gross.

But, you know, if you want to eat roasted chestnuts, go right ahead. Oh, it was like a Christmas thing? Yeah, because it's jing all the way. I mean, I assume it's about Christmas or maybe it was Black Friday. Oh, no, I got trampled into Walmart. Cool. that's Larry the cable guy needs to make a gosh darn black Friday I'm actually going to be really surprised if in this movie there's not a like I'm getting trampled like a joke I really I am actually going to be a little surprised so that's already one prediction from Chris that there's an I'm getting trampled while shopping joke okay all right other prediction uh I will say Arnold Schwarzenegger does not show up I'm going to say no blessings no like you know in in the rundown when it comes out to the rock fun oh how far fun. I do not think he's, oh, hey, Larry,

how fun. One other prediction. Sinbad, 50, 50. Oh, that's... I am so 50, 50 on Sinbad. I'm also 50-50 on a shitting your pants joke. So, it might be a thing where it's like, Christmas Googie!

Too much Christmas ham! You put cola all over that ham. Oh, also 50-50, Guy Fieri appearance. Ooh, that's a good one. The world's would collide if that happened. Now I'm really jazzed up about this. Before I was like, this

is crazy. But now I'm like, this is crazy, this is crazy, but in like a good way. So December 9th, get ready, show history. A movie we're doing an episode on that we've never seen. We will. I've seen it by the time we just keep guessing the whole time. It's just the four

of us looking at the back of the Blu-ray box. Like, so, what do you think happens next? If you could see the G-chat histories just on what could possibly happen. All right. And Here's, I will give everyone in this room, not in the podcast, that listens, a dollar if there isn't one CGI reindeer. Oh, there's, I'm, you're not giving away a cent. Of course, he's going to fight it or it's going to be like his enemy.

Yeah. You just put a big fucking lock on your money. Yeah, it's not going anywhere. So mark your calendars, gang. December 9th, we hate movies make show history. Jingle all the way to Hello I'm Andrew

Juipin Chris Gavin Steven Seda And we hate movies Hello, everyone, welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in as always. If you're new to We Hate Movies, you are checking us out. In the third week of four of our most recent listener request month,

and so we got a call in, a very special phone call. It's from Anheiser Bush. I don't know. It's some drunk guy that called in, didn't leave any info. But we couldn't pass this up because it was indeed a Steve Select. That's very true. There was two Steve Selects this rank. one was picked one was not

and you know for all you people like oh he's just pulling it out of his ass I wrote it down on a piece of loose leaf I handed it to Andrew at the beginning of October he put it probably in his shoe it was this and an animated movie that I won't say

because we might do it and there you go and next time around if it comes back there will be another Steve select there you go so this is from Fenton Q Boozhound who had this to say hey guys I was told to call in when you're drunk

It's when you guys prefer it So I'm drunk My pick for a listener request month Is Hand That Rocks the Cradle Starring a very crazy Rebecca DeMorne Q from Star Trek being a molesting OBGYN

And Ernie Hudson as a Mentally Handicapped Handyman I guess Anyways, it's all you will In a early 90s thriller It's a great movie The reason I'm requesting it Because my friend and I, as 15-year-old teenagers,

went and saw this in the movie theater because I convinced my friend it was like a slasher. I could have sworn that it was like a slasher movie. We were very surprised. Anyways, love the podcast. Bye, guys. So 1992's The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, directed by good old Curtis Hanson.

And there's nothing better than go into a movie thinking it's one genre and then getting another one. Oh, yeah, I haven't, like, we just listened to the, Re-listen to the call now. Like, I would wager this was the way the trailer was cut. Like, they definitely made this look like a horror movie. There's, like, one shot of her opening a drawer with a butcher knife in it. They probably used it four times.

Oh, yeah, exactly, exactly. This is written by Amanda Silver, who not a household name, but she's written both Dawn and Rise of the Planet of the Apes, The Relic. And she's also got writing credits on the two new Avatar movies. And Jurassic World. Oh, and she's got like a story. No, you know what it is? It's a prior draft credit for Jurassic World. So, yeah, she's okay. I think I have a prior draft credit on Jurassic World.

Yeah, we collaborated on a Jurassic World script that I don't think they're using too much of. I mean, there was a lot of erotica in that draft. They took our Chris Pratt note, though. Yeah. So this is, I mean, it is a 90s domestic thriller. Lump this in with single white female Pacific Heights with Michael Keaton. You mean the whitest movies ever made? Oh, yeah.

I mean, we're talking, you know, white goes to white town. I mean, it's a fatal attraction too, kind of. Yeah, that way you could lump that into this for sure. And I mean, like, this is a lifetime movie. Like, and it's a big budget lifetime movie. For better, not for worse, for better. Like, you know, I think, and that's why I love this movie so much is it's just so crazy and uncomfortable. It's, to me, it's like one director away from actually being the best, like, an amazing movie.

Like, Paul Verhoven does this movie. Oh, man. It is like A grade one of the best movies. Someone's getting pissed on in the... Well, exactly. I'm looking for that scene. Man, that big old container full of feces in Zwartbach.

Yeah. That's a big old double-dared dump in that movie. Steve, have you seen Zwartbock? Oh, someone gets covered in feces. That's pretty awesome. Yeah, well, you're saying someone gets pissed on it's Paul Verhoeven movie. I was just making that bodily fluid connection. They're not under a big fake nose as it turns out, but

how did mark summers not throw up every day of his life i think he did i think so he did right before he went out like mark you're on in five i'll be right it's like jimmy fox in any given sunday just can't fucking take the nerves all right so this movie like we said as a domestic thriller we start off it's annabella seora that's who we're saying here uh so she is with child and she's going to the doctor to get a, uh, uh, uh, an innocent check up. Just any old pregnant lady wants to get a check up. See what's going on it. Apparently her old OBGYN had passed away. Or no, he retired. Right. Which, which is OBGYN speak for he passed away. He went up to a big farm. Oh, yeah. He's at a farm up. So he's a big OBGYN farm up state.

They're them room free. It's really beautiful, actually. Oh, no. You know what? We just, they didn't have enough room for that OBGYN and that doctor's office, but there's a great family with a great yard is taking that OBGYM. Yep, absolutely. So he's doing fine. It's not like your dad just hit it with a brick in the backyard. You know, one time when I was a kid,

I had a hamster that died, and I was like, you know, a little kid, so it was really close to it. And my parents were like, yeah, yeah, you know, we buried Fuzzy out in the backyard. And I was like, oh, that's cool. It's very nice of you. And then, like, years later, I was like, yeah, and, you know, it was so, like, one of our dogs had we put down or something and I was like we've always been so good to animals in our

family like remember that time the hamster died and dad buried him in the backyard and my dad was like what this is like three years ago and I was like yeah the hamster died and you buried him in the backyard he's like through that thing in the woods I was like all right that's great it's really funny I actually had a mouse that died and I brought it up to my mother and I was like so we bury this right just like no you throw it in the garbage Pet Mouse, where do you, baby Michael Jackson? I was actually making a real-life diorama of flowers for Algernon. Very important.

So the new OBGYN that she goes to is our clue from last week's episode, Q himself, John Delancey from Star Trek. Hello, Picard. Your women are vulnerable Picard. Time for me to do some tests, Picard. I'm going to touch this belly, Picard. So this is, like, whenever it was that humanity, like, created the expression, like, my skin was crawling. It was meant for this scene. Oh, yeah.

John Delancey has two scenes. This is one of them. They're the two best in the movie, possibly. So he's like, we're just going to have to do some initial tests here. We'll start off with a mammogram. And she's like, oh, I thought you didn't have to do whatever after the whatever trimester. And he's like, no, no, but you're a new patient. so square one

and I'm like I had never seen this movie before and I was like clearly this here comes trouble and he's like massaging her bare breasts he talks about liking to walk

walk in the street after a rainstorm whilst giving this woman a mammogram it is like the weather as erotica like it's he's talking about how he likes sunny days but only sunny days after rain storms it's disgusting it gets so much worse though oh it really does so then he's like he's like so now the belly let's oh let's get a little bit of the belly there and you're like I guess so I don't know

how pregnancy works sure maybe you got to feel the belly and then he's like well now it's time for the vaginal exam and I'm like well again you're an OBGYN so that's what we're here for sure why not and one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen in a film right and I'm talking Like, I've seen like Serbian film, okay? Like, and those shirts are dirty. You see, like, the camera follows, like, he's putting on a rubber glove and he's like, this will only take a second. And the camera, like, follows his hand down. And you just see this scumbag pull the rubber glove off and just gently stick it in his pocket.

And then the exam really begins. Dr. Giggles Eat Your Heart Out. You want to talk about like creating terror at a medical setting and like praying on everyone's

worst fears. This is it. It's that glove going in the pocket. And you know, here's the thing that sucks. I mean, this is horrible, right? But the smoothness,

like the fluidity at which he does this. Yeah. Like a finely tuned magic trick. It's a few Sundays in the garage. Yeah, it's unbelievable. And so then he's just doing it and she's like, I think I'm being molested.

Yeah. You know, and it's horrible. And she's a good, I mean, like, Annabless Heur is a really good actress, so she's selling the shit out of it. So, you know, to his credit, John Delancey's really doing his best here, perving out on everybody. He's selling it also. The guy can play omnipidem beings and disgusting doctors. And Curtis Hanson plays it well, too, because right after it's like Hitchcock high violins,

like, chilling, big. Yeah. It's right. So now that that's out of the way. So she goes home. Are you disgusted yet, Picard? Picard, your puny human

race doesn't really know what it's like to be violated. I'm putting your your women on trial, Picard. Don't do that, Cue. You have no right. It's a sacred bond you're ruining cue.

Oh, what the fuck are you looking at data? Captain, I believe you're thinking of the Hippocratic Oath, which clearly states do no harm. So she goes home and her husband, which is played by Lloyd Braun from Seinfeld, the second Lloyd Braun, the better Lloyd Braun. Yeah, yeah, you're totally, he only got to do Lloyd Braun twice, but it's the Lloyd Braun with chewing the Chinese gum. And then the computer company. The water pick, yeah. Yeah, two amazing Seinfeld episode. It's like later, Seinfeld.

Matt McCoy is the actual day. We're going to call him Lloyd Brown. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Matt McCoy. You're Lloyd Braun. So with a sweet sensitive beard he's got going on here. Lloyd Braun's got a real, I'm a Seattle eco-scientist in the 90s beard. Good gravy.

And can I just say, speaking in 1992, the baggy corduroys that this guy wears in the... How on earth men dress like this in the 1990... Nothing's fitting anybody. And Jungle Green button ups all the way up, all the way up. All the way. Right to the tip. beat top you want to tie a brown tie around that too you really want to you really want to

look like you're running ups in Grenada when you're going to work so he's awesome and so it's this all like this is what happened and he's like well clearly we have to report this they report it and then cut to

John Delancey like figuring things out in his home office and on the TV and this is why this movie is impossible because this is totally against the law but they have like, and the person who was assaulted, Annabella Seora, picture right on the fucking TV. It's like, that's against the law. You can't publish and print pictures of like names and faces of sexual assault victims. Against the law. With good reason. And I mean, like the rest of the

movie should be her owning a TV studio. Exactly. Listen, we bought a TV studio, the movie. If New York One did this, Cragan would be all over them. Captain Cragan would be so pissed. With with the ape. Yeah, with that monkey that he gets. Yeah, fucking Pat Cunner would be tearing tickets at a goddamn in a porno booth afterwards.

So, it's like, we find out from this news report that he's being brought up on charges. Other women have come forward and then he just beautifully kills himself. Oh, it's great. They'd never see Rebecca D. Mornay before, like, because Rebecca D. Mornay is his wife.

Oh, yeah. You'd have a camera in her face 24 hours a day. It's the second thing you see. Yeah. Oh, how insane is it that your husband's a monster or what... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that that doesn't happen is also insane. I mean, this is the 90s.

We had cameras everywhere. Yeah, it's fine. You know. It's a coward's way out, Q? So, he's dead. And that's the end of John Delancey. It's a nice... You know, I kind of want...

You know what? I think this movie, is it PG-13 or isn't an R? Well, I guess... It's an R. Yeah, I mean, that first scene alone. That's an R-rated scene. Yeah. I want to see some fucking ruined curtains a little.

bit you know what it's a little classy sometimes this movie takes talking about the cowards way out this is one of them I mean I could also use like an out of focus in the background you see him like in the chair yeah I don't necessarily need the splatter I just need to see like a corpse

if you're not going to give me any of that at least give me a psyched myself up like private pile death roar yeah you know just really like and then you just like do it or like you know you can get a nice

And again, it's military, but a few good men. Maybe we're putting on a really nice outfit. We're eating a nice dinner. Sure. You know, we're listening to all the best tunes. Oh, that's the thing, right? It's like, you want him like prepping himself, like, making sure he's clean-shaven? Because, like, listen, this guy's a monster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that he just dies off-screen like that? No, no, no, no. This character is deserving him so much more. We don't get it. He dies off-screen. We just hear the shot. That's the end of it.

Fine. Curtis Hansen, I guess. And now we're meeting Rebecca de Bourne, who, it's this weird like so it's you know they're like look you know all of his money is going to go to his victims like you know basically it's all tied up there's a bunch of civil suits outstanding so you you know you're broke uh and the house is going to get repossessed but and she's pregnant she's notably pregnant they're like yeah but we will let you stay in the house until you have the baby what what rule is that like what law uh the law of being a human being like you know

Law of convenience, I believe it's called. But, like, give her a year, then. Oh, I thought you were saying, why are they letting her have the baby there? I was like, Steve, because humility. I see what you say. Money is money, Andrew. Dollars and say, no, yeah, like, either throw her out on her ass or give her a year. You know, like, you get a year to kind of get your shit together.

Right, yeah, no, I see what you're saying. Well, because they're not going to kick her out the day of. Like, it's not just going to happen. Then they're like, well, okay, here's your bed in the street. also it's the house that her husband committed suicide in by the way people are knocking down the door to move in you know the funny thing was like later on in the film when we see the house again i was like i would totally buy that hat yeah it's like this is nice and if you were like a scumbag committed suicide in this one room i'd be like yeah but it's pretty cheap well it's that 90s architecture where it almost looks like a spaceship oh yeah it's a big rocket ship yeah you really want i mean and you can pretend like you're looking up at the stuff It should work for me. We're told that it was custom-built. Oh, it had to be.

It's all odd angles. It looks like a weird, like Star Wars house. It's like the Beetleju's house. Uncle, Uncle Owen and Aunt Brew are dead in the front yard. So we're going to knock off another 50 grand. There's a couple of charred space people on the front lawn. There's tons of blue milk you can help yourself, too. Honestly, if you can survive in the house, you can have it at this point.

It is under the death house list. Yeah, this house is nuts So by the end of the credit This house is still on the market It's still up for grabs So Dr. Rape's death house? Yeah, no thanks So

You know, she's like All right, well that's horrible I guess Thank you And she goes to like Leave the doctor's office and collapses And I don't know if it's like What are we supposed to believe here? Like it's just the stress of the situation or so

I mean she miscarries Like she loses the baby They have to like deliver it early The baby dies and then she has to have a hysterectomy. It's one of my favorite sequences in the film because it's her in agony and in like complete despair and horror.

Juxtaposed. They're cutting in between. Yep. Annabels Gior and her family jumping on a bed. Oh, it's... Frolicking in the lawn. It's so good. And also, you know what?

Annabelsior is probably a little upset for a little while after this. She's not... She's just over with. And good for her, but like, counseling. No, nothing. Julianne Moore should play her doctor in this movie. Yes, not her sassy real estate

friend. So, yeah, so now we have a miscarriage on our hands. It cuts to six months later. We're six minutes in, we've got to rape and a miscarriage. I mean, this is... You're really, you're really forcing me to sit through this hand that rocks the cradle. You're really pushing me, baby.

You're also setting a crazy pace, man. I was sitting here like, wow, where do we go from here? If there's not orgies by minute 40. This is really the wrong. You started wrong. Yeah, you really just, it's like, it's like an endurance runner, you know, like a marathon runner that starts off like way

too fast. And then just like a marathon runner, what this movie just runs out of gas. Too much pasta. Gotta stop. Like, yeah. Yeah, and it stops. This movie did have too much pasta. Too much pasta personified by Ernie Hudson, I guess, would be

like his little arc that kind of gets introduced here. Oh, and Yeah, you know, as if the first molestation wasn't enough, we have accusations of a second later on in the film. For anybody who was missing that crap. Okay, so molestation, suicide, into miscarriage. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's a three-alarm fire in case you're wondering. And before that even, because Ernie Hudson opens this movie.

He does. Oh, you're right. Because he goes up to the Anabasiora's house, rings the doorbell, doesn't get an answer, goes around the side, she sees a black guy in her backyard and freaks the fuck out. Oh, yeah. It's a real, there's a strange black guy in my yard. It's not addressed that way, but that's exactly what it is and it's horrible. Lloyd Braun.

Lloyd Braun. Get in here, Lloyd. Guarantee you, if that was some jerk white guy, she'd be like, oh, what was the front door? I didn't hear the doorbell. I'm sorry. Come right in. No, no, no. Start screaming like a lunatic.

Similar William Forsy. But that's William Forsy's in your backyard, breathing with his gap. deep. You're unsettled, but you're not screaming. Yep. Yeah. No, it's horrendous. I mean, but also, to be fair, Ernie Hudson's four, like eight feet tall. Like, he's enormous. He's a big dude. Yeah, but

still, no, it's horrible. Don't make excuses for them, Steve. It's horrible. So, yeah, he's like a handyman. He's, um, you know, he's mentally handicapped, so he's from like a special needs home. Job placement thing. Yeah, it's like a way or something like that. Making

fences for them. Yeah, he's like just doing like handyman work or whatever so yeah the first thing remember he's going to build a big white pointy fence around their property just keep that in mind so and he does you know honestly this is a good performance from him this is you know the thing that was

it was so obnoxious to me was I recently read like that column he wrote about Ghostbusters and how like his role was just like slash to nothing yeah and he felt like that's like he thought Ghostbusters was going to be the movie that like broke him out and it just kind of didn't do

anything really. And then I'm seeing him in this movie and it's like an actual performance. It's the only like thoughtful performance in the film more or less and he's great. My heart was breaking just watching this movie. I was like, I need to do something to win Ernie Hudson and Academy Award. Like I don't know what it is, but I need to get that going. Because he's great. He's an awesome actor.

Who can he get a biopic of? Like that's your, that's your fast track. And he tried the mentally challenged didn't work. No, that's out. Yep. Oh, like muddy waters maybe. Yeah. Oh, like an old blues guy.

That's the way to, that's a good movie. Oh, yeah. Now we're talking. I tell you, you give me a movie where Ernie Hudson's singing Smokstack Lightning. I'm voting. I'm voting. I'm voting for him. So six months later, you know, Annabella's yours had the baby and, you know, it's just everything's gravy.

You know what? You know what? Baby Joey. It's actually baby Joe, which is very weird. Hey, I'm Joe the baby. you need that sink fixed I'm Joe the baby This refrigerator's high

Joe the baby Yep Just Joe the baby Clock it in Cigarette policy here Me Joe the baby I mean if out on the porch Joe the baby's out on the porch

What are we talking I'm not going to blow it at you I'll blow it out the screen door You know I'm trying to be courteous But yeah Joe the baby Yeah She's had this kid

you know, it's only her second kid, you know, I mean, like two, three months, you know, she had the kid like maybe three months after the event and then three months, we're three months after that. Right. She's like, you know what? I'm fucking bored. I need to build a greenhouse. And it's like, what? What in the world are you talking about right now, lady? And Lloyd Braun is just like, you know, so I'm a scientist. So we're fine. Like, their house is also gorgeous, you know. instead of taking on this huge greenhouse effort are you cool just kind of hanging out with this kid for a little longer or what like you're going to overextend yourself and she's like but no I really want to do this greenhouse

and you're like all right so I guess now we're getting a nanny well I mean this is part of why this is the whitest movie first of all yeah she is buying a fucking greenhouse from the botanical gardens oh no no no no I'm sorry she's getting one that they don't need anymore because she's been volunteering at this botanical garden for 20 years. He's a genetic engineer, and all they fucking do is listen to Gilbert and Sullivan. Oh, my God, with the singing Gilbert and Sullivan, I wanted to shoot myself in the head.

This is the West Wing. You don't get to do that. And, you know, I don't like this family. You know what I mean? Like, that's the thing is just the whitest fucking kids you know. She's got this greenhouse thing. He's a scientist. They're singing little songs, and, like, he's got his sensitive beard. It's sickening. it is it is so sickening like why does it have to be that white

like why can't you put on some cool music to have like how cool would it be if this little kid and she is a charming little kid sure this is not a precocious kid in this movie I don't think um what if you put on like an old soul record and she's just like dancing and it's cute you're not singing Gilbert and Sullivan like an asshole

the HMS Pinafore in the middle of this fucking movie the beginning middle and end of this movie We're pinaforen all over the floor. Ernie Hudson's billed a fence rolling his eyes. You got batteries for me from my goddamn headphones because I can't. Yeah, exactly. Even the mentally challenged Ernie Hudson is rolling his eyes in this movie. And, you know, so that's things.

So her husband's like, you know, we're fucking richer than God himself. Let's hire a nanny for you to take care of our two kids, which, you know, a lot of people hire nannies for a lot of different reasons. but when Rebecca DeMorne shows up she's cool in her heels a lot in this movie there's not a lot for her to do as a full-time nanny and this is when it gets kind of awkward for me because it's like you know you hired this person for a task and that task is being a nanny

there is so much in this movie of her doing like random house chores and I'm like did you hire a maid or did you hire a nanny she gets through fucking most of Joan Didion's work by like the end of the movie she's just sitting in these fucking chairs reading these books. Just

reading, I mean, and also plotting and scheming to destroy it. That takes up a lot of thought. I mean, she is, she is you know, taking her time with that plan as well. But it's like, you want to invite some stranger to move into your, move into your house, which is a big problem for me. Yep. 24-7,

this lady's taking shit. She's in the shower, and what's she eating for lunch, and I got to smell it. And, you know, you've got all this. Just because you want to build a fucking greenhouse? it's insane this guy's taint like get out of town with this greenhouse she's got to be like cooking all the meals like it has to be the full if she's living there you also have to give her a day off and i'd be a little bit you know skeved out if my nanny who lives inside doesn't take the one day like and that's the thing folks at home if you hire a nanny and it's a live-in nanny and you're like all right live-in nanny you get saturdays to yourself and she's like no that's school, I'd rather spend it with you guys. That woman is plotting to destroy your family from the inside app.

That's, you know, take note. Just, just, just, just be careful. That's all we're saying. First year law school. Especially if your nanny is eerily overqualified and pale and staring at you creepily. And fucking announces

herself by stopping a bus in the middle of the street and just says, oh, do you happen to be the person that I'm exactly looking for? Yeah, she's stops this bus like the Terminator. It's like the school bus is driving away and Alan Belisior has like

forgotten to give the kid her sweater. So she's like running after the bus. And Rebecca DeMorne just like walks out in front of this thing like hands in her pockets like you better stop. And this bus just like you know throttles back. And then she's like oh hi, I'm looking for the

so-and-so's. Are you? Oh, you're that person? Oh, perfect. I mean you don't see here actually stop it which in my head, I kind of imagine like the bus driver's and Rebecca D. Moray walks out and like shows her kid's hand or something pulls it out of her fucking pocket.

I was going to say it might be cat eyes. Like she looks up with the bus driver cat eyes and he's like, oh, I better stop for that monster. But you know what? She uses a fake name. Her real name is Dr. Mrs. Modd or something and like she's like Peyton Flanders is her fake name.

Like I would love. And you don't want to pepper up this white movie you got there Curtis Hansen. Maybe it's two women in a restroom one of them is rebecca de mornay and she's like oh are you up for the uh so-and-so job i guess i am yep yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah i'm a taking your identity thing yeah oh exactly because that's there's so many stupid mistakes with this movie so like one you're not showing the face and name of the victim on tv two if you are inviting this woman into your house to live with you and take care of your children guess what background check big time

big time background check and it's like no identification nothing driver you have to see a driver's license I'm sorry that it has to happen oh yeah it comes up a lot w2 who am I paying how am I paying them yeah I mean I guess I guess nope you're not living in my house I'm not giving you cash yeah you know I need direct deposit it's so insane that she gets this job with I mean all she does is spend the afternoon with them and the interview, it's amazing. In the interview. She just asked, so,

so, you know, what's your, what's your story? She's like, well, my husband and my baby died the same day. And they were murdered. The murdered reveal about the husband comes later. It's at another awkward moment where it's like,

we're talking about nothing. And then it's like, Andy was murdered. And she's like, that's terrible. I just meant work. But no, she doesn't say it was Murray, but like, my husband baby died in the same year. And, you know, it was a really rough year. And I decided to start looking after people's kids because it made me feel like I was their mother. And that was like the next best thing.

Okay, thanks very much. Yeah, it was nice meeting you. Good luck with all those problems. I'm going to go, you know, cry out of fear. Let me know if you'd like us to rent you a U-Haul for all this baggage that you came in in my house with. It's so insane. You know what? I think instead I'm going to read Moby Dick this year.

I'm going to not do the greenhouse thing. Maybe two years from now when baby Joe is a little older. You know, maybe then. And it's a slow read. It's slow burn. Also, she totally pulls my boyfriend, but he lives in Canada. Because she's like, so what's your work experience? And she's like, well, the whole thing is I was working for this one family, but they moved away.

That's the end of that. Know, like, what were the ages of the children in that family? What are their names for a reference? They moved away. You probably wouldn't be able to get a hold of them. They moved to Alaska. Yeah, that sounds right. Oh, no.

We hooked up at camp and, you know, she's super hot. But, you know, she lives in Buffalo. You don't know her. Her dad hates my guts, so, like, I can't go over there. You know what? It's kind of cool, actually. She doesn't really believe in Facebook. Nobody believes in Facebook when they're fake.

it's very hard to believe in Facebook when you're a fake person so she has a run-in with Ernie Hudson like day one she gets the job BT does oh yeah she gets the job oh yeah you can move right into the basement and like they're like do you have your stuff on you right now like we'd love to get you in here like 10 minutes ago yes you're to dinner that night yeah oh stay I want my husband to meet you like all of this nonsense and like she's touring like house and Ernie Hudson comes in because he's like he's painting the trim around the house like it's six months later so he's successfully built this fence and everything and they love them so

he's doing all these odd jobs and stuff and so he like bumps into her and he's like oh I'm sorry I got paint on you and she like gives him this death stare and it's like Ernie Hudson Ernie Hudson is the smartest person in this film because Ernie Hudson's character knows right away that she's pure evil. so like a dog that knows when a thunderstorm is coming Ernie Hudson is like I can see right through you you're awful because she like he's like oh I'm sorry like let me help you wipe this off and she's like

like really like pulls back and gives this look and then immediately turns to like it's okay people make mistakes and I'm like yeah how is Ernie Hudson the only one seeing this and she says anyone can have a mistake and it's the icy glare that's what does it is the icy glare and he's just like yeah okay Hey, I'm going to go back outside again and keep painting this trim.

Rebecca Du Boorne is pretty awesome in this movie. She is. I mean, it's terrifying. She gets it. I mean, she bites right into it. And that's what I needed from the, I needed somebody who was going to. And I mean, there are some scenes where actually her physicality comes into this. Oh, my God.

That bathroom scene. So we have our first night in the house. And she's like set up in the basement. And her alarm goes off at like 3 a.m. And you're like, what's going on here, movie? And she slowly gets out of bed and goes upstairs and creeps into the baby's room. And you're like, what's going on here, movie? And she grabs a pillow.

Yep. And you're like, all right, now what's going on here? And she's like slowly creeping towards the bed. And I'm like, all right. Well, if she actually goes through with this, like, we have no movies. So that's not going to happen. But that's the pacing. you're totally right

we're on schedule for a baby murder this is where they missed it if they had killed the baby you've really now you've set a pace yeah well I mean if that's if she does kill the baby at this point at the end of the movie she's wearing Annabella sure on his face

like you know what I mean like it's like that's how far we're going on Mars and like I said Paul Verhoeven so it's like Uh, no, just a fake out. I'm not going to murder that baby. And she puts the pillow over the baby monitor.

So she can take this baby out of the crib. I almost wish she had killed them. And starts breastfeeding this child that's not hers. Hey, creep. Do you like overly long, explicit breastfeeding scenes? You're in luck. There's about 150 of them in this movie. Joe the baby does not discriminate.

Joe the baby will eat when Joe the baby is going to. eat. It's insane. Like, there's so many of them, like, where it's like, between Annabella Shura and, what's her, and Rebecca de Bourne. I'm surprised Julianne Moore didn't get an end to the act. Like, everyone's feeding this baby.

And everyone just, it, there's a very long shot of them getting it out and then, then putting the baby in there. And it's like, every single time. Which it's like, you know, I don't mind like public breastfeeding or anything. But, like, the fact that she's doing this. And it's like, then you start getting.

it because you're like, what is she going to do? Yeah. I mean, she's here, so obviously she's plotting something, but what is it? And you're like, oh, turn the family against Annabella Sierra, starting with the infant baby Joom. I mean, this is Machiavellian shit. This is like, really, let's take our time, let's build it up. Dude, she's playing these people.

And it's beautiful. Beautiful. Like a string quartet. Elton John couldn't play this family piano better. Like, it's nuts. So you're like, all right, well, that's happening. So it's, and also, but I was like, I was like, I don't know how babies work. Like, is this going to actually happen? Like, is the baby going to, like, not be cool with Annabella's breast milk now? Like, I didn't know it was going. Yeah, I don't know how babies work. But,

yeah, that's what happens. Like, the baby, like, gets a taste for Rebecca de Mornay. And it's like, I don't know, Annabella Ciora. This over here is, uh, much preferred. I mean, but they never do, like, because they do show Annabelle Ciora doing it like a couple times. yeah I meant wrong yeah yeah so it's not like a switch out so it would still be there wouldn't it well she keeps being like huh that's not working you know it's one of those it's like he it's either like he's not hungry or he's not like as interested you know also trying to give a dog lettuce you know he like gets excited for a second then it's like dude I love faking dogs out with vegetables it is the funniest thing like you like you get a nice like biscuit sized piece of celery

and you're like here you go and then it's like Like, ha ha, oh, take that dog. Same thing with carrots every once in all. I'm a monster. What's also horrendous about this first scene, this first, like, breastfeeding scene, is the music is completely inappropriate. It is like, you're supposed to be watching, like, a beautiful family moment. Meanwhile, again, skin crawling. No, it's like the theme from Aladdin.

And you're like, it's like, I still, like, Graham Ravel, I don't know what you were thinking, man. But, like, yeah. And the thing is, he does get the music right. in other scenes, see the post-malestation music. Yeah, that's appropriate music. She starts, then she moves into on the daughter. Like, mom and dad are going out on a date with, I mean, they might as well go on a date because they have this other person

raising their children for really no, no reasons. It's like, yeah, we're going to treat ourselves out to it out of the town. It's the best actress in the movie. There she comes. Why not? Why not just, you know, let's bring this in? Nobody saw that coming, huh? Julian Moore? Yeah, Julian Moore, 1991.

or 992? This is 92. So this is after Todd Haynes Safe, which was kind of like... No, Toddings is 95. Oh, I thought it was 91. No, 93 shortcuts. Oh, so this is really like the... It's not like an introducing Julian. No, but it's like her mean, uh, yuppie phase. Like, that's the only thing, role that she could get like... Yeah. I run 12 miles a day and I do this. Like, all of her roles were like... Yeah, you're totally right. So, yeah, that's kind of what this is. She was kind of still doing that in that second Jurassic Park movie. Yes. I mean, she can go back. I mean, she can go back to that one anytime she likes.

She's in every fucking movie, so at this point. Yeah, she's great. She's in most movies. So they come into this movie, and it's a weird, like, Lloyd Braun used to date this woman. Yeah. And they're still, like, best buds. And then, like, she's married to this, some flunky this guy. I don't know. Curtis. Or I don't know.

Something like that. Frank. Like, just some dude. I thought it was the dad from Boy Meets World for a second. I was afraid he was going to drop the N-word, but I was like, Oh, it's not that guy. What the dad from Boyme's World used the N-word? In American History, X. I was like, but that's all I can see when I see that guy's face now.

I was like, Mr. Matthews. He's like, Corey, you don't want to buy, no, no, change the channel. Look who's out there helping Mr. Feeney taking the mail. Oh, yeah, I have no memory of him being in that movie. That was a one and done movie for me. Yeah, you're fine. I never went back to it. Question something.

And who owns that on DVD? Just putting that out there. Yeah, so they're like, we're going to go out on this big date. And it's a, I was like, are we swapping here? Yeah, no. It's right, we're kind of swapping. Everyone's flirting with each other. It's a real.

I mean, you're at least talking about going to fucking, you know, the key party at the end of the week. Just making that joke, just like sliding it in there. Yeah, that whole like, oh, I'm going to go to bed with your wife. And everyone kind of laughed. And like, you know, Julianne Moore smoked cigarettes and in restaurants because it's not. 1992 and why the fuck not everybody. It was amazing how taken a back out. Oh, yeah. She liked, like

the dinner scene starts, they're at like dessert, I guess. And it starts with her lighting the cigarette. And I was like, what are you doing? Someone's going to yell. Oh, 1991. You're not all alone. Or outside. You're not outside in the rain. You're inside a restaurant.

You can do that. Oh, yeah, you can't do that. I was more surprised than that, but than the glove, honestly. I was just like, you can't do that. I mean, the glove was bad, but smoking in a restaurant. My God. So, yeah, it's just kind of a weird, like, we're couples. And, well, that's the thing is Annabelle's Siora is like, oh, you only smoke when you're around your ex-girlfriend. It's like, uh-huh.

Everyone's having a great time with it, though. It's amazing. This is a real mature couple situation. There's some odd. What is the off-handed comment about blow jobs? It's like, oh, she says, you know, it's, it's, uh, she's like, you should never let an attractive woman in your house. Good, good reason, by the way.

Saying to Annabella Sierra. Yeah, she's like, no, I'm serious. You can't, you know, it's bad enough. Like, if you're a woman nowadays in the 90s, you need to bring in 60K and give great blow jobs. And then, like, her husband's like, yeah, she doesn't make 60K a year. Am I right, everybody?

Am I right? That is exactly what we're going to Allison Janie's place this Friday. It's exactly while we're going. Joe, the baby's like, yeah. Oh, it's fucking funny. Really? Really? That's a funny fucker out there.

Joe the baby, are you here? Yeah, but the bar, Dad. I'm smoking cigarettes, too. Why don't it get Southern all of a sudden? That's great. It's an evolving character. Folks at home, you're hearing us workshop a character. Oh, fuck.

Oh, Joe the baby. I love you. So, are there any shenanigans while she's out, while they're out to dinner? Secrets. Now we have secrets. Oh, yeah, because I let you, I let you watch horror movies. Yeah. That's a child molester trick if there ever was one. Like, let's watch a scary movie. And that's, that's kind of like breaking a taboo, right? But it's like the original, the invisible man. It's not like a real old-fashioned horror movie.

I mean, it is an old-fashioned horror movie. But like, it's not like a slatcher. I thought it was some like Bella Legosi thing. I mean, your point, though, is that, yes, it's not a graphic 80s violent movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And she's like, you know, oh, you know, here's a secret. This kid at school is bullying me, which is one of my favorites. She's like, yeah, he's bullying me. And, you know, she's like, what did your mom say? And, you know, she's like, well, she said, I have to be nice to him.

She's like, uh-uh, we're going to fix that tomorrow. And, man, you want to lose your, hey, and she's, you know, Rebecca DeMorne, you're doing it all right. You're doing the breast milk thing. Now you're getting in with this kid. Getting in the kid's head. You're flirting with the dad. You're doing a good job as a nanny all the way. that's the whole that's the way you get him next day she goes to the school yard and nearly breaks

this kid's arm in front of everybody witnesses out the wazoo it's like the other kids are like laughing at him i'm like no it's like hey hey billy like why are you so upset right now oh this woman came broke my arm and said she was gonna fucking cut my head off rip my fucking i'm going to rip your fucking head off you five year olds it's unbelievable and then like she's She walks back to the little girl just like, got him, and just like walks away. And I was like, where is any playground attendant? Where is any park attendant, a police officer, other parents? Like, what is going on?

Well, and this is, Curtis Hansen has a double escalation here. Because not only does. Curtis Hansen has a double escalation. But what he has, he does, she does this. But then she's in the park. And in the park, some lady stops him. He's like, oh, is that's your baby. she has baby Joey

baby Joe you no but she gets stopped and some lady's like oh he has your eyes and then like crazy face happens yeah oh yeah like big crazy face oh my god it's happening it is mine he is my like it's a

really like skin crawling I mean this honestly sequel sequel town if the end of this movie and the end of hider in the house doesn't happen she she shacks up with Gary Busey and the hideer in the house. Oh, yeah.

They formed, it's called the perfect family. Oh, yeah. And it's like the honeymoon killers. Oh, yeah. Oh, now we're told. Baby Joe likes this movie. Yeah, it's just like they like go in

and like kill the parents and start raising some kids. And it's just, yeah. Oh, now we're talking. Yeah. Now this is, hello Hollywood. Did you hear the circus just down? You know, like just really getting into it.

And she's like, I did. And I love going to the crazy person's circus with you. And that's, the line like after the trailer's actually over and they're telling you like what the Twitter fucking handle is at gotta go babe circus is in town town town hashtag circuses in town oh man

hashtag blonde nightmare I guess blonde nightmare might be a name for that movie or a pretty good name for a band yeah I mean the problem is now obviously Gary Busey's just off the handle Rebecca DeMorne is still putting out good work here and there I mean she can't really get it but you know she's doing her best I was trying to remember the last thing I saw her in those worth a day.

Actually, I thought she was good in Lords of Dogtown. It's a small role. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a really, really tiny role, but she's good. That's an underrated movie. Yeah, I'm a solid recommend on that movie. Wedding Crashers, too. Oh, yeah, she's good in that movie.

The first of the three hours of wedding crashes, followed up by Wedding Crashers to the internship. Speaking of skin crawling. Yeah. So, like, you know, she's getting, she's getting it. in there she's getting in there she's getting it done and then oh man it's this happens a lot this happens all again in hider in the house this is a gary bucey move she's like Lloyd brawn is like really tired of like oh I worked all night on that proposal and Annabella sure it's like you know what let me take that for you I'll run it to Federal Express oh yeah the full word or the full name

Federal Express I couldn't believe it well this is a 1990s Federal Express it looks like a fucking airport I've never seen anything like it it was so weird it's funny how they've from offices down to little boxes inside other offices. But she's like, oh, you know, let me run that to Federal Express for you. Don't worry. He's like, are you sure, honey? It's really important. It has to go out today. He's trying to get some federal

grant money for more scientist stuff. I don't really know. And so she's like, okay, no, don't worry about it. I will do it. He's like, all right, talk to you later. So then crazy light bulb goes off. And she's like, oh yeah, time to ruin that proposal. And it's, you know,

we go to the greenhouse and there's more crazy conversation. Well, that's the thing is she's driven. This is where the he was murdered conversation happens, by the way. And she's driven to do what she does because she's not really thinking about it.

And then all of a sudden, she starts talking about how her fucking husband was murdered. And I mean, here's the thing. You're paying this woman. She's living with you. You got to go to the greenhouse to do the other greenhouses.

There's so many fucking greenhouses in this movie. You got to go to the greenhouse. You leave the baby with her while you run errands. If not that, why are you paying this woman? Let's have someone hang out in the car with you.

If you're taking the baby and you're leaving both of them in the car, like the idea to me is you just want someone because you're that kind of person who keeps forgetting babies in cars and you're really just like, I need someone to watch me run errands. So when I inevitably leave this baby in the car, someone's there to roll the windows down, I think is the idea. You give it the baba. Yeah, I mean, I would love, by the way, if she goes into this Federal Express office,

office to mail this proposal. And she bumps into Campbell Scott from singles who's mailing his proposal about that Seattle public transit system he wants to build. Great movie crossover. But also, as much as Rebecca D. Mornay does do, I mean, a hell of a job deconstructing this family. Yeah, she really takes them down a peg. But here's the thing. You don't want to maybe talk about a fucking Danielle Steele novel, like in these little passages. You don't want to bring the attention to the fact that both your family is going down the tubes and my family died yeah i mean you don't want to get too dark you want to just keep it with small talk and i think that's kind of why it's an interesting balance that she keeps some of her stuff is like devilishly devious yeah and then other stuff is

like kind of just pranks yes i mean like this proposal thing is kind of serious but compared to like breastfeeding someone else's child it's just kind of like a mean prank yeah so she she takes So she does the old, you know, she was born in Nalans. She could do like the five-finger lift, I guess. Yeah, I'm sure. She's also a master thief. So she takes this proposal, like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom. Yeah.

Man, oh, man, top five movie freak out about this proposal. Like, she starts tearing at it with their fucking teeth. Oh, my God. She's basically eating this thing. Like a dog. She's raid twos, this fucking bathroom. And she's so mad. She picks him a plunger and breaks it against the wall.

He's beating the shit out of this bathroom stall. It's insane. What did this bathroom ever do to you? And you want, I mean, like, again, because she's on hinge, but you really want, like, Annabella, she already be like, I needed to use the bathroom, too. So I just came in right behind you and, um, are you

okay? She's freaking out in this bathroom. Just like cut to like Brett Butler washing her hands or something. Like, whoever you could hire at that point. I'll have a TV show soon. washing her hands. A 19-year-old Wanda Sykes. Wanda Sykes wishes she was 19 and

1992. F-Y-I. But like another thing is she leaves the scene of the crime. Again, if she has to use the bathroom, there's proposal everywhere. I was like, okay, she's going to tear it up and flush it down the toilet. She leaves it all over the floor. Like, listen, it's just a community greenhouse.

The next guy or whatever's going to come in and be like, so there was this proposal torn up all over the floor. Also someone beat the shit out of this bathroom with that plunger I just bought. I mean, that's what I imagine the person who has to like sweep up for this fucking botanical garden like George Zunza walks

into the fucking bathroom and sees all this fucking paper on the ground like Well, another day. Oh man, it'd be great if George Zunza's like I'm here to clean the toilets and she takes the shattered plunger and stabs him in the heart with it. There's not enough rams.

no murder in this movie. Body count. That's what you need. You really got, you know, like this, this fellow Adolf Coors called in and was asking about, uh, if it's a slasher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's right. Like, it would be if someone was getting plungers jammed through the heart. You know, like, I think your heart's clogged. Bam, oh, what a great line. We'll keep that for later. George Sonsa. Paul Verhoeven again, a basic instant, like the real fucking chopping him up. Oh, yeah. It's, he gets it at the end of that fucking movie. certainly does um so now it's time for contrivance to corner uh and asthma asthma is king of contrivance town every single everyone who it's usually a kid that has it but

annabal shura has it and like she has like panic asthma so like when she realizes she doesn't have the proposal she starts freaking out right she goes to federal express it has a meltdown she uh also annabella who are the actress and not the character has no idea how to use an inhaler She is spraying this thing in her mouth like bonaca canisters And that's not how you do it And I think someone even like pointed it out on the IMDB trivia Like clearly this person has never used an inhaler before Like you wrap your lips around that sucker

You puff and you inhale deep She's just like All right ready to go I was like no you're not freshening your breath You're saving your lungs And I mean she's been doing it a couple times She doesn't have to molestation Yes

And I think it happens again like Right around when they hire her. Yeah. And they're building it up and you're like, okay, I get. At one point, that shit's going to be all out. Yes. The next thing is my favorite thread in this movie, which is surprise party. Let's talk about this surprise party.

Because you know what? Never before in the history of surprise parties has so much ridden on a surprise party. It's so she's like, she visits Lloyd Braun. at work and she's like, I think it's a great idea if we throw your wife a surprise party. She's upset about the proposal. She feels really bad. She's been under a lot of pressure even though she doesn't really have much to do. She just does that greenhouse and I kind of just drive around. I guess it's like cops and I'm her partner. I don't know. She has a subscription to Cooks Illustrated. I've never actually seen her look at it. She's making me cook all the meals,

so I don't know what that's subscriptions for. But anyway, she really needs a surprise party. He's like, that's a great idea. And she's like, and you should program the guest list with Julianne Moore, your ex-girlfriend. And remember, it's a surprise. And he's like, you know what? Even tell her it's her idea. It's not, take me, take me off this one. Yeah.

She's just really, again, playing it pitch perfectly. Right. And there's also Julianne Moore, I think they've met already at one point. And they don't care for each other. Yeah, they gave me, she gave her like, uh-huh, kind of look. Yeah. Oh, because it was, it was the, the evening of the double date.

Yes. I think was when that happened. So, yeah, so she's like, all right, yeah, go plan the surprise party with Julianne more. So Lloyd Braun says, hey, you know, I'm working late. So, you know, I'll be home when I get home. Goes to a bar. So there she's with Julianne Moore.

He is with Julianne Moore. We've set up all the business about you only smoke when you're around Julianne Moore. So they're just sucking back the cigarettes coming up with this guest list. What, what, why are you doing that? What the fuck is wrong with you? It's you, Braun. Like, honestly, don't put yourself in this position. Exactly.

You want to do, you want to, you want to be the great husband, you want to do a surprise party. Let's meet for lunch. Yeah, let's, I mean, it's, it's too early for email, sure. Let's have a phone call about it. Who should we invite? How long does it take the plan of fucking surprise party? Maybe one of the first subways is around you. Let's try that subway.

So go there, sit down and fucking talk it out. out. A subway sandwich. You know, I hear at that subway sandwich, I can have it my way. So they're at some, I mean, they're at like a sexy bar. Like, they're at a sexy bar drinking, sexy beer smoking, sexy cigarettes. And it's like, you do, don't, and like, don't put yourself at this position. No, just don't do it. Just don't do it.

And like, you're lying to your wife about, if you take her out to lunch, no problem. Like, what did you do for lunch today? I had a sandwich. No problems. Yep. Now you're saying you're working late. Because he comes home too. And she's like, I called the office.

You didn't pick up the phone. He's like, oh, I was in one of those rooms without a phone. Come on. You know, and then of course, because you're smoking cigarettes, she's like, you smell like cigarettes. And, you know, he's like, oh, it was perhaps one of my lab assistants that was smoking in the lab. No, no, no, no. I've been watching the movie. I know exactly where you've been.

also you can't smoke in a science lab that's how swamp thing happened I think that's one of the few things that's why we don't smoke in labs anymore Andrew in the 1980s we decided we all figured it out you don't want to turn in the swamp thing and it's just like oh man

you're stupid dude so stupid don't get in trouble for doing nice things don't put yourself in a position exactly ask her to mail you a list of people to put on the list No, to go back to Steve's point, though, how much effort goes into planning a surprise party. In your home, it's not like they go to anywhere. And then the thing, what we hear them talking about at this sexy bar meeting is like, oh, should we invite the Johansons?

Oh, I don't like them. But they invite us to it. It's like they're planning a wedding. I was like, this is a Sunday afternoon surprise party. Let's all come down to the ground. 30 people max. Oh, total max. Maximum.

That's a nice house, but it's not. that big of a house. And, I mean, driving distance, it can't be over 30 minutes. The most you could talk about at the surprise party is, do you want to get the Italian combo sub, or do you want to get the whatever, the roast beef one? This is a non-milestone suburban adult birthday party. Yep. Keep it simple. I don't, the blood, sweat, and tears that goes into the surprise party. You have to lie about this? Why? Get a spread from Luigi's and be fucking done with it. That's it. Just one call to Louieges. It's pick up some bad beer. It's 1992. You get a bit of 18 pack of bad beer.

Because I know you can't help yourself put on Gilbert and Sullivan. Yeah, the music's done. We don't have to worry about what music's play. You know, Lloyd, that was the one thing I did want to meet with you about for the surprise party. Listen, every surprise party. I want to get you a little loose so I could approach you about this and be confident. You know, you are always getting right in there with. the HMS panophor. And it's great. I love it. It's great. Don't get me wrong. I would just prefer it. If maybe you put that on towards the end of the night when most people have left the

party, instead of making them want to leave the party by putting it on the entire time the party's happening. It's 1992. I got this Bobby Brown tape. There's this new record out by a band called The Spin Doctors. It's pretty catchy. I think they're going to be around for a long time. I mean, I got the new, I mean, it's not the old Eric Clapton. It's the new. It's the new. You, Eric Clapton. So it's not as good, but it's good. I mean, it goes well with your beard. Baby Joey's like, get that shit away from me.

Cream or nothing? Fresh metal. You know, we live in Seattle. What's happening right now musically? It's 1992. Joe, the baby, the only one listening to Grunge right now. Did I get this mud honey tattoo for nothing? Man, tattooing a baby.

So, yeah. So, you know, she's freaking out about it, and she takes her husband's coat to be cleaned, which again, also, dude, don't be picking up trophies from when you're smoking cigarettes with your ex-girlfriend to plant a surprise party for your wife. My thought on this, though, was is that not planted by Rebecca DeMorne? Oh, did she take it? Yeah, maybe she does. Because she's apparently the world, she's like a Parisian pickpocket. Like, she's lifting things all over the place. I thought we were supposed to believe that she took it.

and put it in the jacket. Well, before this, has she not already planted the underwear? Oh, well, we'll get to that in the same. Well, actually, yeah, that does, to be fair, and I thank you for reminding me, because that should cancel this surprise party. Cancel all surprise parties going forward. Yes. So this is happening even at all.

Right. So it's like the next day, she goes to the dry cleaner. She recognizes the lighter. She's pissed off. She's hurt. She goes home. she's upset. Lloyd Braun walks in Hey baby, what's good? And he's like

one of these like overly positive man, calm. Very sensitive. Dude, that'll drive you up the wall. You know what? Just freak out every once in a while, Lloyd Braun. How about some profanity? How about some sweat on that brow? Nothing. Stupid cool cucumber. Serenity now, insanity later. Let us not forget.

This phone wasn't even plugged in. You're not giving away a water pick. So he comes at, she's like, you know, get away from me blah blah blah blah blah and she screams out and what is julian moore's name marlene and she's just screaming out and she goes oh you're a think i know you fucked marlene and you see like i get cool as a cucumber but the color just runs out of his face and he's like oh i see how this could be misconstrued to oh oh you stepped in at this time lloyd boy oh you

sure did. Here comes my month. And he's like, if you rotate about 30 degrees clockwise, you'll notice there's a surprise party in back for you. And my God,

they cut to the inside of this room and Julianne Moore is just staring daggers into this woman. And all these people are like, oh God. First she's a jolly good. and of course though

Julian Moore's creep husband who's down with the swap is just like oh you did right on happy birthday oh that means I get one Hey I know it's your birthday

but I get one My birthday's coming early It's amazing I want at least two scenes At this surprise Oh yeah Like you need to make Like they're attempting

To make conversation Well Ha ha ha ha Brian comes in Ha ha ha That's a good one honey it's a funny joke it's a play we're rehearsing that'll uh teach me to plan a surprise party again right everybody

yeah i mean i wanted it to be like the full cassavetti's movie where it's this discussion this argument going into now we have to deal with this fucking party oh yeah and just it all just boils over one becomes the other it's just like rebecca de moray snickering and then julian moore looking like a fucking maricino cherry because she's so goddamn embarrassed

I mean, it is the worst surprise party in the history. Like, I guarantee you in all of human history, there have been surprise parties where it's like, surprise drop dead of a heart attack. Sure. Like, that's happened. And what a tragedy. Get shorty. Oh, yeah.

Perfect. That surprise party and get shorty is less awkward than the surprise party in this movie. Oh, skin crawling for a completely different reason. because you kind of still have to have the surprise party afterwards that's the thing exactly we're all here the cake is here we went to louisies and got that spread well i mean i i mean i don't know but i mean i'm a coward so i think i would be like boy brawn i'm leaving this house you're getting rid of everybody yeah and then i'm coming back here in an hour yeah and then we're going to talk about this because really honestly even it's a good excuse because it's true yeah But if I was Annabeles Siora and that's the line, I would almost laugh in his face. In any other situation. Yeah. It's not, yeah. Oh, no, I was planning to a surprise party.

It's the stupid. It's the reason. It's, I mean, but here's the thing, though, it's like, yes, he's a moron for, like, smoking and this, that, and the other thing. But, like, he didn't do anything wrong, really? No. but like try that's the thing it's like it's like being accused of a crime and having absolute low

alibi you know what I mean it's kind of your fault at that point I mean yeah it's like murder but like because you didn't you're you're charged with murder because you didn't do anything to stop it so it's like a good Samaritan law type thing

let's rewind five minutes here because this surprise party shouldn't happen yes Ernie Hudson you know he's God bless The best of soul. Breaking my freaking heart. He's working one day.

He's painted. Now he's painting the windows or whatever he's doing, painting the window frames. And he's up near the baby Joe's room. And he sees Rebecca DeMorne, breastfeeding baby Joe. And he's like, ew. He's Auburn. Yeah.

He just gets up to the window and he sees what's happening. And he's like, I love this town. And he was like, what's wrong? why what's going on she has the tools she has to tell it oh wait great ernie hudson babysitting line tell him about the binkie boom continue podcast so she so she she knows that she's been caught but like you know obviously he's mentally challenged and she can she could turn into this skin baby let's just exploit this poor guy oh man it was tearing my heart out yeah do we want to hear the line.

Don't fuck with me, retard. My version of the story will be better than yours. And even Ernie Hudson, as a mentally challenged person, is like, you shouldn't be saying that. Like, he's backed up, the poor guy's backed up against this fence, like, oh, God, you shouldn't be saying that. This isn't good.

So she basically like Threatens him and then like kind of swears revenge So it's all about planting these seeds with these crazy people right So she's like they're doing laundry one day And like Ernie Hudson's out on the yard playing with the kid Well this is preceded directly by the fact that they finally give it The first scene he's got with the little girl And they have a cute little conversation he says

You know because he's you know slow he says She's like can I get she says can I get you anything He's like a brand new bike and they get him the brand new bike and it's heartwarming and it kills you yeah not for long

because she yeah they're playing and you know Rebecca Du Boorne is like you know it's kind of weird the way he plays with her you know

it's not really right you know obviously if you're a parent that's like that's laser eyes on everything now anyone says it even a crazy person

you're like well what is going on there yeah I mean added factor of he's mentally challenged sure you know and it's just

like yikes and she's like but you know i guess she wouldn't keep a secret from you right and like she used that against her cut to the next day they're in the greenhouse and we're setting up a lot of things here because there's an opaque window she's like oh you can't really see out that'll come in later yeah and she's like yeah oh could you get me batteries i think we're just out of batteries uh so annabella sure's like yeah you know ernie hudson must have some at his toolshed or his tool his toolbox and she goes in there and of course Chilled her daughter's underwear is in his toolbox

which is just breaking my heart dude they call again Lloyd Braun like water off a duck's back this guy because he he doesn't raise his voice

once in this movie you were so shocked you dropped the microphone out of you because you're right you're absolutely right his wife gets raped he gets accused of cheating he gets his daughter gets It's molested, and he never, he never says boo about anything.

It's just like, well, tomorrow's another day. No, it's not. Maybe it's not another day. Maybe your life is ruined forever because of this. And they called a society, and it's just Ernie Hudson, like, getting back in this van, and it's like, got to call the cops. I mean, like, maybe the cops will call the society, and maybe that's, I'm not saying that they have to, you know, it's not Texas.

We're not saying gas this guy. Yeah, well, Texas would give him the chair. Open an investigation. Yeah, exactly. Like, he just needs to be. at the very least he needs to be away from kids if that's what's going on

you know I don't know yeah I it's damning evidence yeah and what's again is Chris brought up that bike the heartbreaking thing but also the most infuriating thing with Lloyd Braun is like

they're loading all this stuff into this van and he's going to be taken back to the home and Ernie Hudson's standing there like with his head down and I'm friggin weeping on my couch and like they have the but like The assistant from the home is going to put the bike in the van. And Lloyd Braun is like, no, no, no, wait a second.

And he grabs the bike. And I was like, oh, man, dick move, Lloyd Braun. You're going to keep the bike because you just bought it. Oh, no. But instead, it's like, I got this. And he helps this attendant with the bike. As far as you know, this guy molested your child. And you're helping put the child molester's bike that you bought him three hours ago into this van.

Is he secretly Jesus Christ? Like, where is this humility and this inner sense of calm? He's got a little cavizal to him. He could pull off a Jesus. Look at that beard. Well, I mean, I do imagine that there's a cut scene where he's, like, he's, you know, getting right to at the end of the day. And he's taken off his dogs. And inside of his dogs are, like, shards of glass.

And he's just been, like, that's just been what he's been going through. I would love it if, like, Paul Bettany and A. angels and demons, like Lloyd Braun goes up into the attic and takes his shirt off and starts whipping himself. Like, oh, nines, yeah. Something's gone. Maybe he's drunk all the time. Something's happening.

Because I don't know what this guy's problem is. A Gregory House Vicodent addiction. Oh, yeah. I feel like that's probably. And then he's still planning this surprise party. And there's still like, this girl, like, you know, again, enter

character, child psychologist, because that's the rest of our year. At the very least. And her optional institute. Yes. Yeah. At no point is there ever any effort made to actually figure out what's going on.

It's just like, well, underwear in the toolbox. Guess we should definitely call it quits with that handyman. Like, no. And just pleasantly move on with our lives. Boy, that was a real shame about what happened to Ernie Hudson. But you know,

that's surprise parties right around the corner. I still didn't call in that order to Luigi's. What a crummy year we're having. Ah, shucks. So, let's kind of third act this shit. So Julianne Moore decides she's going to do some investigating. Could I just say it's because it's a screenwriting tick. And it's one of those things where it's a flip.

It's just a line out of nowhere. Earlier in the movie, she says, what is that annoying fucking sound in its windjerk? Chimes. Yep. So this is how the end of this movie comes is through wind chimes that you could buy at any fucking nature store. Yeah, these wind chimes were a real whistleblower on

this movie. She's, you know, she's a real estate agent and they're like, oh, I guess they haven't sold that doctor's house, you know, the guy, Q's house, you know, at the end of Rijal 7, you know. She's like, oh, but what's that on there? What's that on the picture? And she takes out of magnifying glass. It's so stupid.

And she sees the wind chimes. She's like, And she goes to the library, like any good movie character should, goes through microfilm and, like, you know, circles it around. And it's like, oh, my God, it's her. They find, like, a funeral photo. Yeah. Which there's Rebecca D. Mornay grieving. Which I imagine she might have seen the paper that this fucking photo was in. I don't know how Annabelle's Siora didn't see this fucking paper.

Because we're all-story pretty closely, honestly. No, because we're all, it's all greenhouses and the HMS pin of, It's like once you get on these people's property, the outside world vanishes and nothing matters and everything's gumdrops and blow jobs. Like, I don't get it. They're so blissfully ignorant of everything that's happening around them. Dude, I would dance at this guy's funeral. I would be there. I'd be the dancing lady.

Like, oh, why is that guy molested? That guy, you know, rape me and I'm just dancing at his funeral. I know I'm sorry for his wife at his family, but I'm dancing. in a little bit. It's so dumb that no one puts this together before Julianne Moore has to go to a library and do research. I mean, me personally, I would bring a boombox to the thing and start playing Goodbye Yellow Brick Road at top volume.

And here is where this movie becomes a cautionary tale. There are ways to approach to accuse a psychopath and ways not to accuse a psychopath. Even if you're holding all the cards. Oh, yeah. Which Julianne Moore is. You don't do it this way. This is, I mean, it's a slam dunk. She's got this woman dead to rights.

And she blows it. Yep. Oh, my God, she blows it. It's like the Bill Buckner through the legs play. Like, she blows this. Like, she runs, she calls, and she's, first of all, she's shitty to her on the phone. Yeah. She's like, put Annabellus, you're on the phone.

And she's like, well, she's not here. Where is she? This is her realtor friend. You know, it is all this shit. And she runs over to the house, basically knocks the door down. She calls her Mrs. Mott on the fucking phone. Why would you show your cards? It's, why?

Because you're bucknering this whole thing. So she runs over there. She's, yeah, she opens the door. She's like, or shit, I say Mrs. Mott, blah, blah, blah. And she's running around. Like, listen. This woman has pretended to be someone else Has moved into this house

A bunch of horrendous shit has befallen these people Since this woman has been here Like You gotta think that this might all be A gigantic puppeteering act right now This is when you get your detective friend Charles S. Dutton You know what I mean? He is the lamb for the slaughter by the way

Go over there Charles S. Dutton And find out if this lady's a psychopath Exactly He's gonna be happy to movie Anything I can do to help the picture Oh, what's in this basement? Oh, no. You know? Like, that's what you need. And at this point, she's, you know, Rebecca DeMorne was actually planning Annabelle Seora's death. She's kind of tired of it at this point. So she's blown out all of her asthma canisters. Yes. She's, you know, and she's rigged this freaking greenhouse to blow. Oh, baby. This is. And I mean, and this is another thing where it's like earlier in the film when they go to the bigger greenhouse, she's like, Well, this is how you open the windows up top to let all the air out so it doesn't get too humid in here. Are you watching how I'm doing this, Rebecca D'Morna?

Okay, good. And I mean, like, Rebecca D. Morne must have some, like, Terminator Vision where it's, like, she sees how to kill people with everything. That's my biggest gripe about this movie is that, like, in six months, she goes from, like, this poor woman whose husband was, you know, a horrific monster. she loses her baby into becoming like jigsaw yeah yeah yeah no yeah jigs she is the jigsaw killer like the fact that she's this mastermind criminal like i need the scenes where she's like doing research you know how to assume someone else's identity like whatever it is fuck you haven't even caught him yet she might be the zodiac he traveled north from san francisco i mean this is this is one way mrs fire could have ended in case anyone was wondering.

So she's got this there's a crank and she put like a shovel in front of it and you know basically anyone who goes in that greenhouse is going to get a surprise so she's like where is Annabelle Schiora Mrs. Mott? And she's like well she's in the greenhouse but don't go in there oh please don't go in that greenhouse. Oh man exactly what I'm going to do. She's putting on this horse shit like

oh please don't get me in trouble voice Like, and seconds earlier, like, there was some attitude there. And you should notice, like, if a person is turning something on and off like that, crazy train. Yep. You are at a disadvantage with this woman and realize that. So she goes out there. She bursts this door open. The shovel falls.

This crank shaft starts going. And these window panes slam down. And gigantic shards of glass rain down on this woman. What a way to go. I could have. I mean, like, I know it wouldn't have fit with this movie, but I want to see something go somewhere. You know, like, it's just, we cut. A head fly off.

Yeah, we cut to, you know, Rebecca de Mornay, coolly eating an apple. And it's like, oh, shit. But, like, I kind of want to, like, that, like, that sound effect of, like, a wet towel hitting, like, cement. Yeah. Of something, just puncture. Oh, yeah. The puncture, wet puncture noise. We don't get any of it.

And so she's like, she takes the kid for a walk. Annabella Shiora shows up, and she's like, oh, that's weird. the greenhouse is closed. Yeah. Horror and she has an asthma attack and all of the things are out and she like has a real deal asthma attack. Luckily, the cops come, I guess because somebody heard that terrible noise or something. Well, no, she manages to call 911 but she can't speak. And then she runs back out to go to the greenhouse and she collapses.

My favorite part of this whole like emergency scene is so the cops come like because of the 911 call or whatever. and they're like, oh, they're broad-fainted or something. And they're like looking, and then this guy's like, oh, the greenhouse is open. And he goes over and he's like, oh, Dave, better come take a look at this. My favorite thing about this is, excuse me, bit actors playing these Seattle police officers. They probably don't sound like NYPD officers. It's like, all right, Jimmy, come take a look at this. And I'm like, no, I mean, maybe, but no, you know.

I better if you not. But that's the thing This is This is not a crime scene after this Afterwards, it's just like Uh, yep Classic greenhouse accident Like, you know,

one in five home greenhouses This is how it ends. We tell people every week You can't be having greenhouses on your lawn Honestly, We're waiting for the fingerprinting kit To get here. It said it was going to be coming here next week.

I don't know what's going on with the fucking thing. I'm going to call Federal Express tomorrow. You know what? Let's just wait a couple of days. Let's go down to Louisiana. He's got a gob of gold spread on.

Like, why are you so Italian, Seattle police? I mean, here's the thing. A loaded gun or a greenhouse. Same difference in America, really. I mean, you're better off with a gun. You don't one in five Americans die inside greenhouses every year. That's a true fact. It's definitely not that Aryan dollop you got working for you.

So she goes to the hospital to recover. And, you know, like, DeMorne makes a move on the husband. Because, you know, the husband's, like, trying to sweep up, essentially. Yeah. The remains of the greenhouse and his best friend. Yeah, he's trying to, like, board up the death tomb of his ex-lover to make sure, like, I guess his kid doesn't go in there or whatever. In a raging fucking rainstorm. Oh, it's pouring outside.

He might as well put a little side of caution greenhouse, you know? Just five yards away. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, so she tries to make a move. And, you know, good on Lloyd Brown. he's like there's only one woman for me you know gets out of the laundry room and that's that

and you know Annabella Shiora starts to realize blah blah blah she winds up going to the house Dr. Mott's first house or whatever right the space house the space house and the real estate agent like they're going around she realizes oh my god it's painted the same way

she just painted my kid's room what the fuck does that mean right there's a breast pump which is like the bloody knife essentially in this movie well what I love is this idiot realtor, so they walk in and she notices the breast pump is there. And that, like, you know, confirms it that, like, the person here, same paint job was recently with child. Uh-oh, you know. This idiot realtor is like, well, that's a weird-looking toy.

Like, come on, dude, you're 40 years old. And she's like, um, it's a breast pump. Can play Mario on this? It's like, you sell people houses for a living? Like, my goodness, you're dumb. Well, they only give him the murder house. It's his first house. Also, we've skipped over my favorite cutaway,

which is, Annabelle's yours, in the hospital. And they just cut to Ernie Hudson out in the pouring rain, like Michael Myers, like longingly looking up at this hotel room. Hospital room. Hospital room. Yeah, yeah.

It's so, but that's, again, because this is a terrible screenplay. Yeah. So we're dropping stuff like that, where it's like, all right, remember that. he's following them and he's still here yeah well he's not behind bars he's no no no no no no because lord brons not calling the police department well the even better like one another just cutaway scene is like you know they're in the park and like they're like you know if you ever want to tell us about whatever oh they're like they say you know uh we got a call from the better way

society it seems like ernie hudson's going to be working around the neighborhood you see him coming around the house you better tell us little kid i'm like come on brawn yeah you the adults like watch out for your child idiot how are you a scientist get a restraining order against this guy maybe just maybe so we're out of the hospital everybody's home yeah she knows she races home she finds out what's going on she confronts uh what's her face by punching her in the face what a sick punch man it's like mayweather just gets in there knocks her over a table it's just it's a barrel roll of it. True haymaker, like, just over. And it's

phenomenal because they're in the middle of setting the table. Lloyd Braun's like got some roast on or something. This out of nowhere slugging happens and he's like, oh well geez, the salad was going to go in there. I'm like, please get pissed. Figure out what's happening. You know what?

It's all sit down. Talk about this. They put on some Gilbert and Sullivan really quickly. Wait, wait, I'll be right back. And I'll never never shipetsy. Stupid CD won't start. No, never, no, never, never. And so, I mean, from here till the credits, it's like useless cat and mouse stuff. But it's like, it's the big, like, confrontation.

Like, she's Dr. Mott's wife, blah, blah, blah. It's great. They kick her out. And, like, oh, but the keys. And she's like, oh, yeah. And the great thing is she's like, she goes to her husband, like, right after she leaves, like, we have to call the police right now. And he's like, Carol, calm down. It's like, no, you do not.

Are you kidding me? It's so stupid. First, we're going to have some. green tea. And then maybe we'll talk about calling the cops. I'll put on the HMS Pinafore. I'll get out the hard candy and we'll just discuss this.

God, I want to punch that guy in the face. I don't want to start calling cops out of school here. It's like, yeah, call the police. You know, the cops are there for real emergencies, honey. Like greenhouse accidents. So, I mean, yeah, it's like we're going to go stay at a hotel tonight, blah, blah, blah. He goes into the basement. She's snuck in through the basement door.

She hilariously hits him in the face with his shovel and he falls off these basement stairs. Still not really that flustered about anything. Well, this is the best part because she slams him. It's home alone. He gets like right. Bunk. It's Daniel Stern. He gets right over.

It goes right over. And then Annabella Sciora is like, oh, my God, what's going on? So she goes down and like there's broken glass everywhere. And she goes to the basement and he's like, she's in the house. She's come on. Let's go get her. He was like, I can't, both my legs are broken. It's like, dude, you're so full of shit right now.

Oh, boy, did Andrew get a huge chuckle out of that line? But again, and he's not even pissed off. He's not like, sheat, that fucking lunatic get me in the face. It's just like, I think both my legs are broken. Could you get me some tea? Lloyd, that looks like a sparing ankle, maybe. Could you please man up here? Just a little bit.

We have a killer in the house. A killer in the house. Oh, no. And that's the thing. At the end of this movie, you do not see him on a gurney with two bledcasts. He is just chilling out in the basement for the rest of this movie. What's awesome, too, is like, she's, Annabella's Yore is like, she's kind of a shitty mom in this movie, right? It's like, the whole thing is like she's never paying attention to this child. Like, I got a nanny, so forget it.

So much so that at the end, when, like, shit's hitting the fan, she locks the, like, seven-year-old in the bedroom. And she's like, now don't come out until I come back. No thought whatsoever about the location of the baby Joe. Where this other child is. She's running around this house. I was like, secure both of them in the same room. Like, make sure that shit's locked up. Then go searching for the murderer.

So whatever. They have a big fight. They get up to the attic. Ernie Hudson is somehow hiding in the attic. He like climbed up. Yeah, he's like perched on a window like Batman. He jumps in, you know, and he's like, get away from the little girl and everything like that. Well, not before, this is after Rebecca de Moranay,

Jack Nicholson's her way out of a bathroom, by the way. Well, no, it's a bedroom. Because for some reason, in the beginning of the movie, you see that the baby's bedroom, baby Joe's bedroom, has a fireplace setting. Like, that doesn't make any fucking sense. Yeah. But you're only setting it up so that there could be a fire poker in there.

Exactly. So she can get out of this bedroom. Exactly. So, yeah, she kind of like smashes a hole in this door and then puts her arm through to unlock it. And you hear it from downstairs, never no never he's just having a nice time down there with his two broken legs yeah well if my legs are broken it doesn't mean i have to listen to the radio like a farmer he goes upstairs he crawls upstairs

on his elbows to get the record going just put that high-fi on no it's because dish walla is playing and he just like turns it back to the classic station and yeah so they just kind of fight it out Ernie Hudson helps out, saves the baby, and Annabelle Siora hilariously pushes this woman out a window and she gets impaled on that white fence that Ernie Hudson built. Now, is this the only Hudson ex Machina? As far as I'm aware, yes.

Because it's just that one's cutaway of him fucking outside this, you know, rainy hospital. It's outside the hospital. And then when they drive away from the hospital the next morning, he's following them on a bike. and the daughter notices out the back seat, like, oh, there's Ernie Hudson, but doesn't say anything.

And then, you know, Seora's like, turn around and put your seatbelt up. You know, and, like, she grabs, you know, he grabs her arm and, like, stops the crucial thing. I kind of want him to put her through a wall a little bit, you know? It should, I mean, I get it. It's like, you know, mother versus fake mother,

so she's got to be the one to end it all kind of a thing. But it would be great if Ernie Hudson got a little bit of revenge in here, too. Just something. And, I mean, it's another. fucking screenwriting thing where the, towards the beginning of the movie, because the baby is

screaming, Ernie Hudson picks up the baby and Annabelle Siora is not having it. Oh yeah, it's a thing where like, you know, they tell you at the home you're not supposed to pick up the baby. And I understand it. I get why you're doing it, but she's being a little condescending about it. But at the end of this movie, the whole

resolution is, you can hold the baby now. Yep, Ernie Hudson finally won because he can hold the baby. man it'd be great if because it does end with him just kind of rocking the baby and they like kind of you know first Annabelle Shora and the daughter walk out

and like we'll meet you downstairs if like secret cat eyes twist ending he's got the baby and he's like well that was easy you know it just kind of is just like now I will be the hand that rocks the cradle cat eyes he wasn't mentally challenged

the whole time oh man he Ed Norton's that shit I kind of want to be great I kind of want it to be like, so Rebecca D. Mourney ends up taking out the whole family. Yeah. Except for Joe and Solomon are up. And then like the sequel. It's Joe and Solomon.

It's like the wizard. And Solomon is going to play Mario Brothers three. It's just Joe and Solomon hanging out talking, gabbing, smoking cigarettes. I don't think we mentioned is Ernie Hudson's character. Yes, that's what I think is. Yeah. Just smoking, hanging out while the little kids playing video games. It's like Scarecrow kind of.

What I actually kind of dug about this movie is it has a very classic Hollywood ending to it Where it's like, well, the action's over with, so the movie's over with it. Like we don't go back to Lloyd Braun in the basement. He's not, you know, getting carried out in a stretcher. No one's going out investigating her body. It's like, well, she's dead. He can hold a baby the end. Three months later, new nannies.

Yeah, none of that stuff. Yeah, it just gets out when it should. It feels weird for such a contemporary movie to do that. Yeah. And especially a movie like this. Yeah. But it's just like, the end, that music swells, and we're out. And I was like, well, at least you're not longer than Star Wars.

And you know, honestly, I do need someone to confirm whether or not he actually had broken legs. Like, I just, like, I'm not buying it. That's a real relationship killer for me. If all this happens and they go to the hospital, it's like, well, I guess this one's kind of sprained, and this one's pretty badly bruised. Yeah, we're broken up. Yeah, we're never, we are getting divorced. It's like the plot of force majeure. It's like there was an avalanche coming and instead of protecting your family, you grabbed your iPhone and ran away.

No, I didn't. No, you totally did. And now this family's going to disintegrate. Yeah, it's a loneliest planet. He pushes her in front of it. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, come on, you coward. Totally.

oh my god would anybody recommend this movie it's a pretty strong one for me i mean it is to uh it's a bit too long or a lot too long and i i could have used a one to three more deaths but it does have that lifetime movie thing where the stakes are like weirdly personally high throughout the thing so you are like it hits those notes you're like oh my skin's crawling which is fun it's a fun watch uh exactly what he said verbatim almost like i and i i do need to stress the kills. I need it more than Julian Moore's corpse. It's a fine corpse and it's a bloody corpse, but

I need a few more like stabbing's, maybe a strangulation of some sort. Exactly. You know, and here's one. I feel the same as you get. This is actually a pretty strong recommend for me. Sure. It's not a what are we doing here, obviously, but like I enjoyed watching this movie as much as I was saying my skin was crawling. It's effective at being a shitty lifetime thriller with like a million plus dollar budget, obviously. Um, here's a good one that's easy for a movie like this.

She's got to be cutting somebody's breaks. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, she's sensing somebody is onto her. Or like, or like, or a way to find out the information is she, like, seduces a lawyer. Mm-hmm.

Like a Charles Groden lawyer. Oh, yeah. And then she kills him. Strangles him with a belt. She gets all the files and then she kills them. Yep. And you get all the information to weed your way in. Well, you would get the information from the TV station that's, uh, broadcasting.

Casting 24 hours a day, all the information about this trial, except for Rebecca D. Moore makes face. Well, that's, we don't get her origin story, like, in those six months. Like, I imagine there's some, like, Batman Begins-esque, like, training montage we could have put in there where she's, like, learning how to secretly poison people or something. She went to the League of Shadows. Yeah, she went to somewhere in distant Asia and just trained how to poison people with a bunch of monks. Anything to explain this jump from like a woman who's lost everything to like a nutso murderer trying to take over a family. Didn't she play Lady Dewinter in the Three Musketeers movie? Yeah, she did.

Yeah, she did. So, I mean, she's a plotter. She plays plotters. Yeah, I would have liked, what I do like about not knowing that is you actually don't know what her angle is. And you have to kind of figure it out yourself. She never says, this is my plan. Or it's never even, we never do the thing where like she's putting it her. herself in the picture or any of that shit you just don't know well that's the thing is because

it never really like either this is a plan that you have really been like putting your elbow into for quite some time now or you're a lunatic or like you're a really like and like i get you have to be a lunatic to have that plan to begin with but it's no but you can't be flying by the seat of your pants with an operation like this well but that's got to be mapped out like the thing with the fucking getting stopped and like being like yeah this is my baby like shit like that is of a very strong psychosis that is like holy shit she owns this family whereas like i'm just going to destroy this family right it's a little weird i'd rather if they had delineated a little bit on that but whatever it's still really good that's the hand that rocks the cradle from

1992 directed by curtis hanson thanks a lot for barney gumble calling in that one uh we really appreciate that see this is why we ask you to leave your name and where you're from folks because we're just going to make fun of you if we take the call. But thank you very much, whoever that was. This was a very pleasant ride on the Bad Movie Express. If you want to get a hold of us or find out more information about the show, check out our website, WHM Podcast.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

We're at WHM Podcast, right into the mailbag. We All Hit Movies at gmail.com. What is your favorite white 90s domestic thriller? Because, by the way, I didn't bring this up and, you know, we've already gone on and set our piece about this movie. Pacific Heights. is almost the exact same movie. It's just with a dude.

It's with Michael Keaton instead of DeMorne. And it's not as like personal. It's not, but motherfucker dies the same way as Rebecca DeMorne does. So, yeah, what is your favorite white 90s domestic thriller? By the way, you know, like we've been saying this whole month, check out our spreadsheet site, WHMpodcast. spreadshirt.com. We've got a new probably secundus t-shirt on there. Yeah.

That's been pretty popular. So, you know, go check that out. Put a shirt on. Hey, put a shirt on, Steve. Please. Please do. Yeah, and, you know, like we mentioned at the top of this whole thing, December 9th, jingle all the way to rain or shine, good or bad. We're doing this movie.

So we'll see what happens. But start spreading the word now. Start stoking the flames a little bit. It's only our second ride with Larry, too, by the way. Yeah, I'm going to have to start rehearsing the voice again, get that ready to go. So it's going to be. Get a camo hat going. I'll definitely get a couple of camo hats going.

Cut the sleeves right off this shirt. I might rewatch the first minute of Delta Farth. Fair enough. Just because that's kind of all. I don't want to oversaturate. That's one of those movies I remember watching with everybody. Could not really tell you a darn thing about it. A single thing about it.

They think Mexico is the Middle East. That's about all. I don't remember. Clue for next week's episode. Tim Matheson. Oh, and let me say, good gravy for next week's episode. Holy moly. So until next week, where our skin will be crawling again, I'm Andrew Jupin.

Chris Cabin. Stephen Zadak. Take it easy.