We Hate Movies - S5 Ep190: Stigmata

Episode Date: February 10, 2015

On this week's episode, the gang gets all Father Merrin as they attempt to exorcise the silly Exorcist wannabe, Stigmata! Well before her Boyhood nomination, Patricia Arquette starred in a film with music by Billy Corgan and wardrobe by Jellies! What's with all the freaking out here? Why is Gabriel Byrne's character such a jerk? And how close is too close before you're ripping off a cinematic classic? PLUS: Eric reveals the best kept secret of the popular computer game, Diablo! Stigmata stars Patricia Arquette, Gabriel Byrne, Jonathan Pryce, Nia Long, Enrico Colantoni and the great Rade Serbedzija; directed by Rupert Wainwright. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. If you're new to the program, thank you for checking us out. This is the second week of, you know, the Oscar festivities that we're getting ourselves wrapped up in. So we're covering a film from a nominee from each of the four major acting categories. Last week, Best Supporting Actor with Ethan Hawk and Taking Lives.

This week, Best Supporting Actress, Patricia Arquette, also for Boyhood. But a few years before she started filming boyhood, we had this insane pile of crap. It's stigmata from 1999, directed by Rupert, Wainwright. Theuteur behind Blank Check. Stay the fuck tune. Christ Almighty, that movie. Oh, man. And he's also, just so no one gets confused, he's not a part of the Wainwright musical dynasty.

No, he's not playing any songs. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no quiet folk music. No banjo or piano. No, no, no, no, none of that. He's not strumming a harp quietly in a dark room. That's unfortunate, yeah. Instead, he's directing movies like Blank Check and Stigmata. It sucks for him.

This is like, you know what this is? And this is becoming like a nice recurring gag on the show. This ain't your mama's exorcist. Like, this is like the most, like, we're trying to make a bad ass getting into the 21st century. The Exorcist movie, because the catalyst for this whole thing, like, the inciting incident is the same exact thing as in The Exorcist. Like, the whole movie is Patricia Arquette starts experiencing the stigmatic wounds, right? So, like, the wounds that Jesus got as he was crucified. And you would think that's just the first movement towards something bigger.

But no, that's the whole fucking movie. That's it. That's the whole thing. I was waiting for the passion of the Christ to break out. You think she's getting, like, hit with, like, Caddo Nine Tales on the... eyelid and all that shit. Yeah and she's just completely just all blood wandering the street. And I was talking to

Eric about this earlier. I was waiting for like the Illuminati or something like that. Well that's what it starts sort of setting up but then just gets super lazy and decides to be a 96 minute movie and doesn't address any of those things that it sets up. And also we should bring up it it does we start

with it's Almost seven credits, but it's seven credits mixed with the craft. Oh, it's the craft big time. Yeah, with the switching symbols as the names. Alt rock. You know, we're having fun to alt rock. Oh, maybe we'll get tattoos now. Maybe we'll just start fucking.

Oh, my God. It's great to be alive in the 90s. Oh, man, I was waiting for the deaf tones to remix David Bowie, too. Oh, man. And the thing that's very frustrating about all of that, music by Billy Corgan. Billy Corgan was the one that was like, you know, I think what I'd like to do is sort of organize all the songs for that film stigmata. That would be pretty cool. Do you think, now, this is just throwing out there.

Do you think my cat can do anything for this? Do you think he can maybe step on the engineering panels, maybe his, maybe he knows what music is, and we just don't know. Hashtag, I want my band back. I think that's what he did. I think that's what this music is. Dude, do you think this movie was scored by keyboard cat? Yes. By Skittles Corgan.

He's the keyboard cat, the famous GIF. Oh, yeah, dude, totally. Wow. Yeah, I think he might have done it. That was him penning the score to Stigma. He's him in his studio. So we start off also like, it's, so. old text, and we can't be that obvious about ripping off the Exorcist, so we're setting the

prologue of our film in South America instead of the Middle East. It's the same thing. It's like someone has found, you know, an old artifact. In this case, it's a rosary. And it gets mailed to the United States, and it's cursed. Well, we came here because, you know, Father Gabriel Byrne, which, I mean, man. he's slumming like and he does a lot of slumming so I don't feel so bad saying it I mean that that's where I kind of wanted to raise a question is like how much is this slumming it I mean he's a great actor but it's Gabriel Byrne yeah I mean he did this and end of days in the same year he thought he was reaching like a nice peak though probably you know like oh I'm I'm in I'm in

these big I'm in these big movies now with these movie stuff was this a year after usual suspects I think this is a year or two after usual suspects well It would be four years, right? If this is 99. Well, regardless of when exactly it was, the point is he'd already been burned into not playing Kaiser Soze. Gabriel burned?

He got Gabriel Burns, dude, exactly. Because that was the whole thing. I had never heard this until recently. I think Steve told me that, like, the whole time with usual suspects, he thought his character was going to be Kaiser Sozee. Oh, right. Right, there was, yeah,

that he was confused about the movie that he was making. Yeah, and then, like, I mean, Because Kaiser Soze, like, launched Kevin Spacey. So we're talking about how, like, he sees, like, ads for House of Cards on Netflix. And, like, Kevin Spacey's being all smug into the camera or whatever. And he's like, that could have been me. That scumbagged Kevin Spacey got to be Kaiser Soze. You think Gabriel Byrne thinks that he was born to play Frank Underwood?

Yeah, I think that's what he looks at every single move that Kevin Spacey makes. Like, that could have been me. Kay Pax, that could have been mine. Bobby Darren, beyond the sea. movie that could have been me. No, I don't think it could happen because Gabriel Burns smiling is a scowl. Yeah. Like Kevin Spacey can do the charm, you know, when you're, you're trying to like wheel and deal. He can do that. Gabriel Byrne just looks like the devil. That's why he was so rightly cast. And also, he's not getting a Georgian accent down. And from the internet

ticker, usual suspects 95, stigmata 99. Speaking of this era, we also are in seven city it's it's my god i can't believe we're i thought i just drove out of seven city with taking lives and now i'm at least at least this is like it's it's it's not super specified but it is pittsburgh it's pittsburg it's pittsburg it's it's pittsburg like the original title for this film or like one of the proposed titles the pitts devil no no what was that it no it was

it was uh saint francis the patron saint of pittsburgh or something something like that. Jesus. Wow. Fit that on a post. Or St. Frankie? That's like, I think my movie matters more than it does. The patron saint of Pittsburgh. If it should be, if your title is longer than five words,

I can't play. Take a step back. I can't play Kaiser Soze, the most usual of suspects. Then I'll play St. St. Francis of Pittsburgh. So we start, it's Gabriel Byrne is going into this church where there's a Virgin Mary statue that's bleeding out. the eyes. Right. And his role is like he's an investigator for the Vatican. He's like half

scientist half. He's basically Indiana Jones. Yes. He's going down to like the wild, the wild regions of Catholics. Yeah. And finding weird artifacts and saying that belongs in the Vatican. That's that is kind of it. That he does go to these places and like we find out he was there. He's supposed to be looking at some water stain and then. I love the idea. that, like, the Vatican actually entertains this shit? Oh, yeah. Because, like, when he, like, we'll jump ahead just a second here, but, like, when he goes back to the Vatican and, and Jonathan Price is like,

what are you talking to me about this statue for? I paid good money to send you to Brazil to look at that goddamn water stain on that wall. And you come back showing me pictures of a statue. Took a week vacation after the water stay. He goes to the signs of the water state. It's like, oh, there were two gutters on that roof, and that's where your water state's coming in. But, like, if this is still going on with the Catholic Church and the Vatican would be like sending people out to like, he's like, oh, now I got to go bid on that, that cinnamon toast crunch flake that looks like the Virgin Mary on eBay. Well, do you think there's actually like an E team for this shit where they troll the internet looking for stuff for sale?

Roland is in the Vatican's basement and Roland is just having a day on eBay. He just types in Christ into the search. Yeah, dude, he's buying all sorts of like tortilla chips and shit. If the Vatican is investigating eBay and Internet for Catholicism, that validates everything on there, you know? Like, Slender Man's Real. All the internet, the new internet boogeyman. Totally. So he's there.

And this is what I love about this. The people in this church have congregated for a priest's funeral. And he's in there. like, oh, I heard this statue was bleeding and he's in there and he's like taking pictures and all of this shit. And all of these people are gathered around and they're being very polite about it, but they're just like, you know, man, this service is going to be over in like 10 minutes. Can you stop with the flash photography? Well, that's what I think the problem is, is that he suggests that it's like been, this has been happening for weeks because it happened in conjunction with

the priest's death, this bleeding statue. So they're there to see the statue. So they're there to see the statue i think more than anything at this right but that's what's rude about it let them convene do their prayers and then take pictures after hours but also he's got like it's 1999 man there are digital cameras and the one thing i know for for a fact is the bad can't have some money oh yeah and they can afford a digital camera to give you several he's got this big fucking bulb out and half of this movie is that thing snapping it's just him shooting the light bulbs like out of the flash apparatus

like wow what a scoop paching well number one he's like a 40 year old man in 1999 and number two I mean it's more cinematic like now now the audience can tell I'm taking a picture I mean I get it he gets to cut now because that's all he does is

well Rupert-Rainwright is he's cut like every time the thing goes off intense dude the editing and like all the cinematography in this movie is junk it's just junk just so obvious like i get it man there's a lot of like we're trying to be artie oh yeah but it's really nice yeah like you know what was great about the exorcist was like it was

very reserved like everything about that movie is like calm you know like the acting that's creepier yeah yeah like the actors doing their thing and like the sound design that's the only real flashy shit going on in that movie like father marin getting out of that cab like the very you know famous shot of him looking up at the house and everything like just taking it easy like William Friedkin's taking it easy

freaking likes to set up a shot like that's the thing is like that movie was all clearly planned out this is what we're going to shoot today this fucking thing

is it's like well maybe if we point out the ceiling it'll look cool like how many filters does this internet editing program you know like

how many things can I download here to add onto my editing station for a second I thought you were to say that Gabriel Byrne was using

Instagram or something. And look at this father. I can make the statue look bloody with this filter. Look, all I have to do is make it a little warm, put on the X-Pro 2 filter. Shadow the darker on this one. You see it there? You see that?

Inkwell proves this is bogus. I can really see it. It's very stark now. So we cut between that and the credits start. They're terrible. They're ripping off seven. Oh, man. And it's one of those things where we start the credits

and it goes into scream stigmata and it's like all these girls saying like the Lord's Prayer in the background Right and then the credits keep on going They just keep going And these are some long ass credits It's like it's one of those things where a credit pops up

And you're like wait the credits aren't over come on And this is your you're introducing one of your main characters Through the credits Which is just British our cat like I'm getting a tattoo now and I'm a hair dresser. I'm in a bra. Hey, everybody, look, I'm in a bra.

I'm going clubbing and drinking tons of alcohol. The inner bra moment was my playful laughing. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. So, but yeah, it's, I hate when they do that, like, yeah, it's lazy. You're introducing your protagonist through a shitty montage with shitty Billy Corgan curated music or whatever has happened. KMFDM or something. Man, it just stinks.

That'd be a step up. But this is, you know, so it's... Barely. Chris is looking at me. Like, lobsters are crawling by my ears here. But, yeah. So, like, she... She's a hairdresser.

She works in a really alternative salon where it's like, you know, you can get a haircut, you can get a tattoo, you can get your nipples, pierce, like, whatever you want to be doing in there. But it's also like one of those, like, horror film bars

where everything around it is gross. Where she hangs out or where she works? Where she works. Because she hangs out in a really silly place. It's a blade bar. It's a bar where vampires and blade would hang out. It is actually the vampire bar from X-Files 3 when she goes to meet him. Dude, I just watched that episode.

And you're totally right. It's the same exact place. It's one of those things like you'd get in there and it's like, oh, man. I made a mistake. There's probably some wannabe vampires in this bar. And there's definitely ones in this movie because they're all like, like licking wounds. Like there's cutting to the audience of this bar.

Yeah. And it's gross. It's some seedy characters. I'd rather be in the soapy club from boys and girls than I would be in this crazy bar. So, you know, she wakes up. She, you know, she takes a dude home and, you know, she wakes up. He's gone. And the mother calls.

This is where we're introduced to, like, this mother, totally not a character, but, like, we just hear this one phone call. And she's like, oh, I'm traveling all over South America, blah, blah, blah. Did you get my package? And she opens it up. And it's like some postcards, a chotchke or two. And then this rosary. And, you know, it's like, all right, we're looking at the crucifix here. We're really zooming in on it.

Like, everybody remembered that this is the thing that's about to cause trouble. Because also, this movie is a very anti-church movie. But then don't pretend to be a little surprise when it turns out it is this rosary. Yeah, we'll really hammer it home for like 15, 20 seconds and then kind of not address it until the last like 15 minutes of the movie. And then it turns out that's what did it all. Yeah, that's what just did the whole thing with also some Vatican conspiracy, but we'll get to that. So she's best buds with Nealong. Is that her name? me along the ice cube family films she's in friday love jones for a second i thought you were saying

she was from the ice cube family like you know like there's multiple ones with just the last name ice cube the cubes yeah no she's not a member of the cubes she plays his wife in are we there yet or whatever are we dead yet that's the fucking movie i want to make thinking about those those pictures he's also in those best man movies which oh man oh best man holiday best man, the best man holiday, and now, soon to be the best man wedding. Well, Jesus Christ, it takes you three movies to get to the wedding? Like, what's even going on? Well, there's a bunch of weddings

that you don't want to know it. Then the best man divorce? That's, I mean, they could go for it. Sure. Well, those movies are super fucking Catholic, so I don't think. The best man alimony? Possibly. The best man. The best man, tombstone? The best man

suicide. Then the best man funeral. And then the best man Tombstone. And then the best man zombie attack. Yeah. No, and then we relaunch the best man brand with Nick Cannon at the front. In Best Man Tombstone reboot.

It's a Western now. There you go. That's the idea. Yeah. There you go. We just figured it out. You're welcome all those dudes in those movies. She's also flanked by Portia Darasa. Portia Daraasi, who like this is pre-arrested developments and nobody cares.

But she's like also one of the hairdressers, but it's not it doesn't come to anything. It's one of those things where you're just like, oh, it's Porsche Dorasi, but you forget she didn't have her big break yet so it's just like a nothing character. They're just making her fill out of frame. Yeah, her and NQSack. I mean, oh yeah, NQSack's totally one scene in this

movie with NKSAG. Yeah. She's just playing this nurse that's like, now did you try to kill yourself? No, you definitely tried to kill yourself. So we're lazily introduced to her and then we go back to the Vatican and that's like, we're introduced to Jonathan Price, he's like this big so-and-so cardinal in the Vatican, who's like the boss of Gabriel

Byrne. Mr. Mars, Veronica Mars's father. Keith Mars, played by Enrico Collin Tony, doing one of the worst Italian accents. Oh my God. Oh my God, dude. His character is like a bad in living color sketch character. Like, it's the absolute worst accent ever. It's like, dude, I think you're you come from Italian people. Get that shit down. Go talk to your grandfather for a while. Also, he's clearly a stooge from the beginning. Like, he's just this guy in the corn who clearly is under Price's foot. Oh, my thing. Big time.

So, like, I get your character immediately, and then you do nothing until the last scene. Ah, man. So, yeah, it's this whole thing where, like, there's really some budding heads. And Gabriel Burns, like, I want to go back to South America because I want to check out this thing. And he's like, did you check out that water stain? And he's like, yeah, dude, listen, it's just a water stain. Or as he calls it, an operative. Like he really, I don't know if he was like trying hard to tone down his Irish accent or like what is going on here.

Right. It's like, is he trying to be American or is he trying to be a little Italian? I don't know. But what comes out is like Irish light is what's happening here. And he's like, he's like, no, no, no, Jonathan Price. I assure you it's an optical illusion. You know, and they kind of have some fighting going on. And you kind of know right away like Jonathan Price is just an evil son of a bit.

Of course he is. He's a papal Darth Vader or something. Without the cloak. What is his rank? He's like an enforcer or something. He's just like he is. He is just like an enforcer. Like a man like administrative.

Yeah. I mean that's what Vatican cardinals are. They're like the thugs of the, you know, the Vatican. Oh, that's why they can move diagonally across the board. You're thinking of bishops.

Oh, excuse me. Sorry. Cardinals are not pieces on a chessboard. I apologize to cardinals. Apologize to the game of chess. I apologize to any chess is listening. Chess Pieces listening. So, you know, then we flop back.

So we're in Pittsburgh and where we're going to stay for most of the movie. And she's like, so I might be pregnant. And Neil Long's like, all right, well, that's cool. Like, you got options. Don't worry about it. Cut to one of the most awkward shots in this movie. Like she has like a rough day at work, you know, at the salon. She goes home.

She's worried that she's pregnant. and it's this again because we're trying so hard to make this movie look artistic and you know brilliant it's they she takes a bath and she's in the bath but then what we see we cut to this thing

where she's like Patricia Arquette as an actress is lying in like this gigantic fish aquarium kind of thing because it's like this we're seeing through the bathtub right right it's a bathtub

and not let there's no fish flow no no no no but it's just it's a box filled with water to get this shot and she's like she's standing there and she's awkwardly standing like laying in there covering herself yeah covering her her chest which is like no one is laying in the tub like this movie like shit or get off the pot with your hand over your breast yes like oh my god i don't want to see god i don't want god to see my nipples i don't want god to see my nipples i'm always worried about god seeing your nipples comes in i don't want mittens to see me naked says Eric Siska taking a bath. Yep. You know what? Checks out. And so, like, she's kind of like, also she's using her other hand to, like, rubber stomach or whatever. And she's got a tattoo around her belly button so you know that she's really badass and alternative. Oh, man. We're seeing reflections and back and forth.

We're seeing everything like I could give a shit. Dude, to the people out there that love bitch and about J.J. Abrams and the flashing and whatnot. All those things that barely, barely do pull my attention from what's happening. Watch stigmata. The lens flaring is out of control in this movie. Watch a lot of movies in the late 90s. Yeah. Like, there's just a lot of like bloop, bloop, right on the screen.

It's going to give you seizures, honestly. So speaking of seizures, she starts flipping out. And, you know, that's where she gets like the hands of the stigmata action. And she just gets these holes that like... In her wrists. Yeah, and it's just like... spewing blood and she's like looks like she's being electrocuted in this bathtub

the way she's been flopping around because the lights are flip flapping all over the place too you have no idea what's going on I was like did a toaster fall in what's happening she's so alternative that when when stigmata takes hold of her a rave breaks out

with clothes sticks she is dressed as a sneaker pimp this whole from real one Yeah, you're totally right. She's got like the little pixie haircut. She's got this yellow jacket. I got to talk about this for a minute.

Sure. It's got yellow fur trim. It's the silliest looking thing I've ever seen in my life. She buys all her clothes at a Halloween store. I feel as what. A Halloween store in Arizona. Like the most off the beat and path used Halloween store. Used Halloween clothing?

Oh, man. Ew. Like where you bring your old pumpkins and all that shit. How do you detox from Halloween? Wait, are you bringing rotting pumpkins somewhere? To some guy's house. He just asked for him. You're driving it to Arizona.

I mean, my guy isn't in Arizona, but I'm sure there is a guy in Arizona. Hey, Chris, you carved this already, right? And it's nice and mushy. Okay, I'm going to go put it in my microwave for a couple seconds. All right, have a good day, Dale. So she's rushed to the hospital. someone finds her and I guess you're supposed to believe it's

Nealong you don't really see what happens Yeah cut to the hospital There's Anne Cusack as this doctor or whatever And in a matter of minutes She has another freakout Like this movie She is cranking up the freakouts to like a 12 Like she's constantly just screaming in this movie

And yelling like it's really obnoxious To watch this movie with headphones on Like it's more obnoxious than it normally would be I guess just watching the movie Which by the way I have seen this movie like 10 times. Whoa. Ten times. Dude, so this was

a classic case of Andrew Bad Taste and Movies in high school. This was one of the first DVDs I ever purchased and I just watched the shit out of this movie and I hadn't seen it for several years. I think I maybe watched it 10 times

from like the year 2000 to the year 2001 and then never watched it again. But man, I just had some shit taste like proof in the pudding that like you know kids are stupid yeah we all have those moments so you can stop writing that email and you just admitted it and he was with you that was 99 i mean for obviously for guys our age because 99 that's where you had the bad movies from that year i'm almost positive i had end of days on DVD i can't say for sure i didn't but i think it was like

the only time i'd like ever actually like gone to the movie theater and like Thanksgiving or Christmas or whenever it came out. It actually went, yeah. Yeah, I was like Christmas Day that night. Arnold Schwartz. Yep. That's got to happen. Fist fight the devil. Which is what

happens. That mean, you fucking fist fights the devil in huge devil form. That's a stay tuned and a half. Also with Gabriel Byrne playing the devil. Same year. It's been a big religious year for that guy. So she freaks out in the hospital

again you know and it's they clearly think that she's tried to kill herself and this scene goes on for way too long oh yeah absolutely way too long and actually funny enough what i noticed great um again people before they were in bigger movies there's a guy who kicks neal long like out of the emergency room that guy goes on to be he's on homeland and he's also the actor who like helps tony stark build the iron man suit in like the first iron man movie i was like that guy looks really familiar and I looked it up and I was like holy shit that guy I recognize him from homeland because I was like oh he's him okay yeah he helped Tony Stark build that in a cave so yeah it's like you tried to kill yourself no I didn't yes you did

shut up about it you know but then somewhere along the way uh you know she has another like it's just this this movie could be called Patricia Arquette in a series of ridiculous freakouts right because it's like okay I I'm fine you know I had some time off like let's go back to the salon. I just needed to get like back to work, whatnot. Then she starts seeing stuff in the street. She sees, it's a hooded woman. It's a hooded woman dumping a baby into the street.

Which, I mean, it's Pittsburgh. You got to roll with it. It's like, well, it's just the crazy streets of Pittsburgh. Yeah. Look, if you don't think you're going to see a woman putting her child in immense danger every day in Pittsburgh, move to another city. Boston's really nice this time of year. It doesn't rain as much.

not bad went well no i don't think it actually rains this much in pittsburgh we're just ripping off seven yeah it's the spooky rainy town yeah well no it's every city it's like new york city with seattle weather yeah yeah that's what it always is if you're yeah if you're making a creepy movie that's the city yeah that's what you want it's got more close-knit than seattle is but needs that seattle weather yeah so she she chases she chases this like not she she runs after this woman and this this mystery baby into the streets and she's almost getting hit by cars and she's screaming

like oh what do you do with that baby the first of like three times she runs into traffic causing all sorts of car accidents Nia Long runs after her she's like um so yeah there's no baby or a lady in a blue hood

so maybe you shouldn't come back to work don't you think the dozens of people on the streets somebody might have stopped? Yeah, like, Pittsburgh, the town that'll let you dump a baby into the sewer while everyone looks on. It's not 3 a.m.

It's not empty streets. It's a middle of a workday. 3 a.m., which everybody knows to be the baby dumping hour. Yes. Did it turn out to be herself? No, no, no. It's an actress. I was confused about this, too.

It's an actress that kind of looks like her. They both have, like, bleach blonde hair. And I'm like, huh? What? Yeah. Huh? Because it's this whole thing about, like, she's worried that she's pregnant so she's thinking about babies and shit but it's like if you want to do that

have the woman actually be patricia arcad yeah here's the thing is i think it's a weird red herring i think what they're starting this movie up is they're trying to make you think that she is the new mary because there's a song about mary and there's a bunch of fucking images of mary and it's everywhere oh and then like this image i think about bloody mary for a second that that mystery woman in the mirror. Yes, the killer out of the mirror. Right. But you meant the virgin Mary. But she just had sex? Yeah, we see her get down to some

fucking... No, but like, and she's immediately pregnant, and then there's a whole pregnancy scare for no reason. Are you telling me this happened to the Virgin Mary that she actually had sex and had a pregnancy scale? Well, I am a merry truther, as you know. You're well aware. Oh, look who's coming down the street. It's old Mary

truther. Chris Cabin. Going to tell us how, the Virgin Mary was sleeping with so and so you could put a pipe put a pipe on it look none of us were there you don't know she could have been all over the place

so she freaks out it's like all right you know what let's just go ahead and just take some more time off so I'll get you on the train and get you home cut to them on the subway they're riding home and she's on a very religious subway car there's a priest and two nuns

I was like all right that's pretty packed great bit of trivia this subway like the exterior subway cars is the exact exterior from a money train money train yes wow it's the they're riding the money train

is what's happening I was like man the lighting is exactly that's why I noticed is because like underneath there's all like a lightning streak underneath the train it's that kind of lighting it's like man I never thought I'd be watching something like oh shit I wish I had money train

on right now Money train infinitely more entertaining than stigmata. A lot of fun. Because, you know, Neil Long and Patricia Arquette, while both being talented actors, just do not have that banter of Woody Erelson and Wesley Snipes. Also, Money Train? Guess what that has? A villain.

Well, the villain in this movie, dude, is the Catholic church. But it doesn't show up until the last 15 minutes. Yeah, you're right. You're not wrong. It's just like an invisible entity. It's like that it follows. where there's just a thing doing stuff. That's what the Catholic Church is, man.

It wants you to believe it's not there, but it's doing stuff in the shadows. It's trolling on eBay. It's invisible monster. It's true. The Catholic Church is on Tinder, too. They're looking everywhere on the internet. Are you kidding me?

They're on Tinder? Yeah. Dude, they'll swipe up down, left, right? Oh, well, which way? Just to get what they need. Just to talk to people. Usually they'll swipe. Is it swipe right for liking someone?

I don't know. Well, they swipe up. type like when they come across someone particularly young. Look, it's a smart move. They've got low numbers these days. Yeah, it's like, you know what? We've got to be on all forms of social media.

You never know when a recruiting opportunity is going to show up. Scientology's kicking our ass this quarter. All over. They had a fucking on the Super Bowl. They had a trailer for Scientology. Dude, I couldn't believe that. I was like, this commercial's feeling awfully Scientology-ish.

And then it was like, hey, brought to you by the good folks at Scientology. I was like, oh, all right. It's always, dude, I'm really paranoid about this. And it's why I never, I always joke about it, but I could never actually do it. I'm always like, yeah, yeah, I'll go take that test in the subway. I would never actually talk to those people because I'm too scared that I'd be tricked into joining the Church of Scientology. Yeah, yeah. Because that commercial, I was like, well, that all sounds pretty great.

Oh, Scientology commercial. You know, I think I'm with you there. I mean, if I put my hand on those soup cans and they tell me good things, they can have my money. Just, you know, because apparently you could attain, you know, like, obtain godlike ability. From just touching the little Thetan reader? Like, once you've paid, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars. Oh, I see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's, it might be the, like, the one thing that makes me think Scientology might be on to something is Tom Cruise. looks gorgeous he's tapped into that god power no I mean I see where you're coming from so there might be like a couple little god powers going around

just for a couple select few immortality is probably like top oh yeah I think immortality is where you're going you know until I saw

Edge of Tomorrow I was like man he's not aging I watched Edge of Tomorrow recently he's finally looking old yeah he's looking a little he was looking a little ragged in that movie. Waring it pretty well.

Oh, yeah. It's a handsome, you know, ragged feel. And I'm still excited about the next Mission Impossible. Hell yeah. That Ghost Protocol totally kicked ass. And Edge of Tomorrow was great. And I really enjoy that movie too. Stigmata. So it's been two minutes since she's had a freak out.

So she starts freaking out on this train. Right. Because she starts getting lashed in the back with a phantom whip. Well, it's right before that though, she starts talking shit to that. priest. She pulls the cross right off his chest and throws it. No, it's the nun. The priest doesn't say anything to her. The nuns are

behind her and she's just like, give me that fucking thing. Because she goes up to the priest and she's like, are you father Andrew, whatever, Gabriel Burns' name? And he's like, no, there's lots of priests. What do we all look the same? And she's like, fucking whatever priest and she turns around and rips this crucifix

off the nun's neck. You know, she's got a little crucifix necklace, rips it off. And then the train is just like oh yeah well how about this and the train just like derails itself and it's just b-roll from money train like the exterior is just the money train going off the track and i'm surprised there weren't like dollar bills flying all over the place you just get like a one of like wesley snipes head yeah totally but then yeah she grabs like the bars on each side of the car and it's like oh crucified and yes she starts getting 40 lashes with a wet noodle bar like

just her right yeah just starts opening up and this little bit of the um a little bit of the Roman justice. And this priest is looking like, oh, fuck, that's bad. I got to call somebody. I don't know who to call, but I got to call somebody. I got to call somebody. I'm the internet branch of the Catholic Church. I'm not prepared for this.

This wasn't on the internet. What am I going to do? And I think it's the case where every time a priest sees something weird, you just write a little handwritten note to the Vatican and their team gets on it. See something. Say something. It's the holiest version of see something, say something, because this guy sees something and says something to the Vatican.

Like, Jonathan Price gets this nice letter. He's like, oh, a card from Pittsburgh. That's adorable. Oh, what's that? Back just totally getting whipped out of thin air. Well, all right. Got to send in the crack squad of commandos. No, here's...

Catlic commandos. Well, here's what I'm a little confused about, because they make a point of, like, he's a scientist. Gabriel Byrne. Oh, he will be the first one. to tell you that eight times in this movie. He's a scientist, but I don't think he's

like a psychiatrist or like has like psychological degree of any kind. No, not at all. So why would you be bringing him into she's traumatized? It's a trauma victim situation. Because here's the thing, much like the rest of the cold-hearted Catholic Church, they don't give

a shit about like her mental state so much as they care about like, go check out these supposed wounds that she has and see what the deal is. Like, see if she's actually getting the shit. They don't care, like, if these things are damaging her in any way. But, I mean, she's talking to him most of the movie. And, like, most of it is like, no, it's okay.

No, I'm not. Yeah, well, it turns into armchair, you know, psychology. It's also, like, grunt work. It's like, oh, God, would you fuck off, Gabriel Byrne? Send him to Pittsburgh. Get him to fuck out of Brazil and get him. Well, I think that's kind of what it is because he won't shut up about going back to this church. Like, he's like, all right, listen.

I did your wall thing. Now send me back to Brazil. And they're like, no, man, you just got back from there. Also, in this scene before they said him to Pittsburgh, they say like, oh, yeah, that town you said you visited in Brazil doesn't exist. Yeah. If there's a church anywhere near there, no, it's not one of ours. Definitely not one of ours. So they're telling Gabriel Byrne, whatever, you're a fucking.

You're a Catholic priest and a scientist, but you're too dumb to know the difference. between a whatever church and a Catholic church. Yeah, totally. And then it's glossed over. And he's just like, okay, I'll go to Pittsburgh. Isn't it more of a mystery? Not that this woman got injured on the subway, that this town is vanished?

Yeah, totally. He's like, I was there. These photos are from this church. You're telling me this town doesn't exist. Don't tell me it didn't happen. I saw it happen. No, it makes no sense. And they drop it right there.

And like, clearly, I'm like, well, they're all crooked. They have to be crooked. And like, then you would think that we're cutting between Gabriel Byrne in Steel City with, you know, Patricia Arquette, and back to Jonathan Price and this huge freaking conspiracy that's going on behind the scenes. But no, we get none of it. But that's what winds up happening at the end of this movie is you are revealed this huge conspiracy that's been taking place over several years. But no one gives a shit about like. trying to figure it out like no one is like wait a second this is going all the way

up to the Pope like this is some serious shit and everybody's kind of like that's just kind of messed up you Vatican buried the lead Robert Wayne Wright you this was the interesting part of your movie and you said fuck it there's a great part I think it's the second time she's in the hospital

after like the the backlashing or whatever where a doctor comes in because they're running tests on her or something like that and he's like oh I think you're epileptic like that's the only thing they could explain this or something and this doctor is a real asshole to her it's kind of great because she's like um did you happen to run a pregnancy test on me and he's like yeah and she says you know was i pregnant and he says no and she's like well was i and he's like i don't know i was like oh my god i'm about a little bedside manner please i mean

i don't know just stop what kind of a question is that for a doctor leave me alone What fuck are you doing here? Why don't you go ask Planned Parenthood? Yeah, those heathens. Get the fuck out of here. And then she goes from that guy being a dick to Gabriel Byrne being a dick to her for most of this movie. Well, they get introduced, like, he comes into the hair salon,

and she's like, oh, do you want to get your nipples pierced father? But then he agrees to a haircut, and it's like, they're flirting. Right. Oh, yeah, they are. But I'm saying, like, he knows that she's probably. probably a mental case. Oh, yeah.

And he's like, look at the, look around you. You're going to risk your haircut on that? Well, I mean, like, I don't think he really cares about his outward appearance, man. He's with the Lord. And then when they're flirting, too, he does tell her that he has had a taste for women. And he has dipped his, you know. It's a line that priests have used in movies for decades, which is, well, you know, I wasn't exactly born a priest. Like, how much.

How many times has a priest said that? And if you're a Catholic priest, aren't you supposed to be celibates? But he's saying that he makes the decision. Yeah, right. When I was a scientist, I was doing all this stuff. Yeah, when I was a hot stud scientist, I was getting all sorts of ladies. Yeah, but I just don't think, I don't think he's a church material in my book. If he's been getting ladies as a scientist.

Well, that's why they have him, they kind of have him as a freelancer. Is that what it is? Because, like, they kind of have him on contract. He's just like this. Those goddamn collars. start needing ranks. Make it like the karate belts. Maybe he's a brown belt.

Like a green collar. Like a nice jungle green collar. And then I can know. Because that's how you also know. Oh, man. What a great moment. And how embarrassing for those prostitutes. Like when he's in Rome, like he's walking to the Vatican, which is great because

he's like walking to the Vatican like someone would walk to work, which is pretty cool. And these prostitutes come out like, hey, how's it going? you want a little fun in the middle of the morning. That's great. And he's, like, entertaining it for a while. He's, like, stringing him along, like, yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then he just pulls down his jacket and shows that white collar. And the whole block just starts laughing at these prostitutes.

It's like a musical for a second. It's like, like, oh, take that prostitutes. That's so embarrassing for you, creatures of the night. Oh, those are vampires. Yes, yeah, we do want to make that. Yeah, prostitutes are. The rampires. Be safe out there. But so then she's like, they're at this coffee shop, you know, and he's like, all right, well, you know, you supposedly got these, you know, wrist wounds. Let's check that shit out. And she's like, yep, here's some holes in my arms. Both sides go straight through. That's kind of weird, right? She doesn't, she starts, it starts with the back. Like he's like, okay, so I saw footage of your backing all whipped out. Right, right, right. And, you know, this usually means, you know, this is the sign of the stigmata.

but hey so what religion are you what church do you go to and she's like I'm an atheist and he's like well fuck you goodbye yeah that's exactly what I'm talking about he's such an asshole in this movie like here's this woman who's like listen I was riding the train and all of a sudden

my back just opened up also you can clearly see through both of my arms through these nail sized holes and he's like yeah but you don't go to church so good luck atheists aren't getting the stigma out of here It's just not happen. It cannot happen. As Gabriel Byrne explains, like, only, like, really dedicated super true believers, you know, have shown signs of this, supposedly.

But it's like, dude, you're looking right at it. Like, come on, do a little bit of investigation here. No. Oh, you don't go to church. Suck it. I hope this kills you whatever it is, says the priest. So then it's the scientist. It's a scientist.

The scientist says fuck me. that is a good point says father bunsen burner father beaker but no he doesn't pay attention until she goes back to the seven club or the the ex-files club yeah she's running with the vampires again

she's having a lady's night out you know what's even weirder is her friend is acting like she should be acting like nothing's wrong like oh yeah it's like what is your problem patricia archette she's like well all these wounds that just start appearing over my body you know that i keep going to the hospital every couple of days like you know how i've

been freaking out almost continually for the past few days there's really no reason for me to even be here i should be in an institute or something but but instead i'm at this vampire club hanging i'm afraid if that happens we don't have a movie so we got to do this man me and you and it's a really dude it's in it's some intense partying that's happening here because she's like she sits down at a cocktail table and Neil Long comes over and she's like, what? You don't want to drink the blood of the innocent? Like the rest of us? What's going on? And she's like, no, no, no. I just, I don't feel right tonight. I kind of don't feel like partying. And a waitress comes by and she's like, we'll have two doubles a piece, right? I was like, what the fuck? And this waitress

pours four gigantic shots and she's like, gh, guh, guh. I was like, dude, if I just had this shit happen to me, I would not be out, first of all. And if I was out, I wouldn't be at a vampire club. And if I was at a vampire club, I wouldn't be drinking two doubles of whatever the hell vodka you're throwing down your gullet, man. But that's way too many, if I'm going to do this. Yeah, you know what? A good rule of thumb. If you start experiencing signs of the stigmata, stay in with a book.

Maybe catch up on some TV. And hey, but to be fair, she does learn her lesson. Well, you know, also, but before you... She does learn her lesson. Because she gets the fucking thorn. Then she starts to... get her thorn wounds right in the middle of the club and you know to counter your point I'm starting to think going out's the choice I don't want to clean blood off my couch

I'm not bleeding on my own furniture you'd rather have this happen in some grody club yeah you're just staying the whole time my bathtub I don't well the thing is then I don't see I don't have to worry about someone you know I don't have to worry about calling 911 figuring out how I'm getting to the hospital and all that I'm just bleeding out everywhere in public and guess what? I can just do that and then the people around me now work for me and they have to go and figure help me out of here and get

me somewhere. It's like you know what? You are not allowed to come back in this club, Frankie, because every time you come in you start bleeding everywhere and then act like you didn't know about it. We all know you know what's going on with your stigmatic wounds. I thought this is a vampire

club. I thought you guys would like blood. Shouldn't you like getting showered in my blood? Oh man. Man, if she walked in... Oh, man, imagine if she walked into the blade. Oh, she'd be eaten in seconds. There's one dude in the back of this club that's like, well, actually, I'm totally fine with it.

Shut up, Larry. This is disgusting. You're not cleaning it up every night. She keeps coming here. Some of the bitch and Larry. Do you think if vampires preyed on her, she'd get like Christ power? Like, do you think they would work?

If she was getting the stigmatic injuries and then they turned her into a vampire? Well, the thing is, I'm, you know, if there's a degree of Jesus magic at play, Jesus magic always trumps vampires. I don't know man, that's like getting drunk and then dropping acid.

It's just, it's too much. Don't be fucking doing that. It's ill-advised. Like, it's just too much. Don't do it. Well, I had those 16 shots of vodka. Now let's pop a couple tabs on the old tongue and see where this train takes me. And then walk

around fucking Pittsburgh. Then do do do do some lines and get your Thetan levels checked by some Scientologists. We can't check your Thetan levels right now. You're clearly intoxicated. Maybe it's the kind of thing, like a tattoo artist

won't give you a tattoo if you come into the parlor wasted. Right? It's like any good Scientologist won't test your Thetan levels if you're fucked up. If you're bleeding from stigmatic wounds with vampire fangs. And you're talking about how your mother's riding the white horse. We can't test you right now. You're going to get blood

all over our magic dumbbells. You have to hold up to. So, yeah, her head just fucking splits open and she just runs out again and eventually like, is this when Gabriel Byrne finds her in the alley? Yes.

Yeah, with the glass bottle. But I have to also interject here, the artistic shots in this movie out of control. Oh, my God. So while she's in the club and there's all this like flashing going on, we're also, we're getting flashes of shots of an actual crown of thorns being put on

like Jesus's head. Some dude playing Jesus yeah and it's like oh cut it out hey hey that hurt hey you got peroxide for that it's just you're right it's such like artsy horse shit and it's like man like for what no one thinks this is cool i mean i guess i kind of did in 1999 i don't particularly remember what i found appealing about this movie you were just right on the vapors of the exorcist man you know you you liked something and then you saw it replicated so you like that as well i mean that's like i like i love horror movies. I always have. And I think when I was younger, I was

much less critical of them. So I was like, ah, it's a movie where a woman's possessed or some shit. Well, that's cool. Look, blood. All right. It's a vampire club. That's cool. I'll buy this for $22 on DVD. You fucking fat loser. God, that is how much DVDs used to be, isn't it? Oh, yeah. It used to be ridiculous.

Ridicously price. I could buy $3 most times. Mm-hmm. It's crazy. It's so insane. I made a lot of bad investments. Oh, dude, the money I could have saved If I wasn't running the Best Buy every week Oh, you think I wanted 10 years later To know that I purchased Girl Fight Wow, you own Girl Fight?

I really liked Girl Fight for some reason. Hold on a second. You purchased Girl Fight? Uh-huh. I think a Vatican scientist might come by because of that. It's the same thing as the crown, you're saying? Yeah, yeah.

From the forehead, buying Girl Fight on DVD. A papal enforcer is going to get a notice of this podcast and be like... A grown man has bought in... Some like Vatican hideaway place where they're studying all these papers and they're like looking over all the people who bought Girl Fight on DVD. It's five pages. That's it. And it's just of names.

That's it. Five pages. Dude, I don't think I even saw Girl Fight. It's okay. It's an okay movie. But it's certainly not something I need to own. Well, it's like buying murder. ball on DVD.

Precisely. But I did it because why it's a DVD. You got to buy it. What a fucking scam. What a total, total outright scam. So then she runs down this alleyway. Like it's perfect timing like Gabriel Burns like feeling bad about being such an asshole.

So he's coming back. And she like runs past him like again flipping out. It's it's flip out four of 19 in this movie. and she runs into this like Freddie Kruger alleyway where like all these pipes and different things are coming to life. I was like, what is happening right now?

Is she dreaming? But also it's like the fucking alley scene in seven. Yeah. Where he gets the drop on him. Yep. It's exactly this. It's cut that way and it's shot that way. It's so insane how we've seen so many movies

like from around this time or maybe a little later that are just flat out ripping off the movie seven. Like it's totally crazy. crazy. And so she's on top of this car hood speaking a dead language, carving signs into the hood of this shitty car with like a broken bottle. And Gabriel Burns just watching this shit happen. And she's just like, she's speaking in tongues and carving with this broken bottle and everything. And he's just looking like, oh, that was a real jerk to her on that diner. This looks to be something I thought it wasn't. Oh, dodge that bullet. All right, let's try to help this woman. She's talking in her. Yeah, that's Aramaic. Fuck. I was really hoping it was Spanish. Oh, shit.

It's a dead language. This is all on me. The amount of times people explain Aramaic in this goddamn movie, it's out of control. We have priests telling other priests. We have Vatican people telling Vatican people. Dude, if you are a Vatican scientist, you shouldn't have to have Aramaic explain to you, Gabriel Byrne. He should be fired it.

This guy is a charlatan. Like, go back to being a scientist. He's a full-time. He's a braggard about sleeping with ladies. He doesn't know shit from Shinola when it comes to ancient Judea. And by the way, he came to your front door, said he found a miracle in Brazil. Dude, the twist should be Gabriel Burns, a deranged piece of shit. That was a hallucination.

And, like, Patricia Arquette and the Catholic Church team up to take him out. Oh, yeah. Wow. What a great third act. That would be, we got to get this son of a bitch. You get like a Dan Brown, Paul Bettany hitter. He's like whipping himself. Yes. Dude, speaking of Catholic mysteries.

Dude, speaking of Catholic mysteries, man, those movies are some of the dumbest things. Like, I didn't think you could get dumber than the Da Vinci Code. Then I went and saw angels and demons. I never saw. But those two movies, what do they have? They have

Tom Hanks. Oh, yeah. Well, they also, I mean, they have Tom Hanks with fantastically awkward hair. Oh, yeah, that's bad. But then, yeah, you're right. I mean, they do have some villains. Just like, this, all this movie needs for me to be like, okay, pass. Like, but it's like you, you had it.

It's right in front of you. It's Jonathan Price. But he's not doing jack shit in this movie. For some reason, you want to focus on Gabriel Burn and Patricia Arquette, both very good actors, given garbage to read. It's a big, won't they or won't they? Well, except for one scene where you think it just might get pulled off. And then it won't day.

Well, because that's the next one, right? After she's carving shit into the hood of the car. Yeah. Next is she's writing on her walls and she looks like, I don't know what. It looks like Linda Blair in the exercise. Like she's got contacts in. Her face is all caught up because of the crown of thorns injuries. He's pale.

Old skin, saggy. When I saw that, I was like, we got tricked. It's a demon playing a Jesus card. I'm going to make them bleed like it's Jesus. Yeah, I'm a demon. I'm going to make the Vatican get all jumpy in their jimmies. Jumping in their jimmy. I'm a demon.

This is how I talk. You know what, the Vatican? We're going to make you all jumping in your jimmies. What does that mean? You'll see. Things go bump in the night See? That's fucking Jimmy Cagney

threatening the Vatican for Or was that Edward G. Robinson? It's both, right? Hey, take it easy, see? We emerged and became a demon. They were making girls look like They're doing Jesus stuff, but they're not. It's just demon stuff.

Edward G. Cagney? It's all the same. Who gives a shit? So, like, now Gabriel Burns is a believer And he's like, wow, I almost went back to Rome and left you to die. That sucks. So let's start investigating. Yeah, she's just writing on the walls. She's talking in an old Italian man's voice. Oh, no, isn't it like, in some points, it's just pure English. It's a dude with an Italian accent who's, yeah, speaking English.

But for these scenes, but later in the movie, it's just some guy. It's like Ewan McGregor. Well, I think sometimes she's mimicking Gabriel Byrne. It's like, it's Gabriel Byrne's voice like over and it's laid over bad too sometimes oh man she's just chit-chatter in her way and it's like hello because here's the thing with like ADR voice changing like that again it works in the exorcist because it's what was the actress Mercedes McCambridge was doing I think that was her who did the voiceover for the demon pink

and it's like it's Linda Blair like just kind of like quietly moving her mouth and then Mercedes McCambridge is blah blah blah you suck cox and hell of carras and whatever. And any time she really has to yell, it's just kind of a quick, like, you see Linda Blair sort of open her mouth, and then we cut away, like the editing is very

masterful in that movie. This is like a full-on close-up of Patricia Arquette screaming at him, with his voice laid over it, and she's like flip, flap in her mouth and it does not match up whatsoever. Not at all. Some of the

laziest shit. See, we're going to make it like they're in a kung fu movie, that'll freak out the Venetians. Oh shit, she's talking like she's a dubbed Bruce Lee. What are we going to do? Or an Italian movie from the 50s. Yeah, I was going to make it seem like it was made to Italy when they shoot without sound.

Yeah, they doverdub everything, even those Clint Eastwood movies. So, Jonathan Price... Well, Jonathan Price starts jumping in his image. jimmies because they'll yeah she wants she wants to jump his jimmies so jonathan price and enrico colin tony and then like a couple of other vatican thugs yeah make way to pittsburg and it's like she there's a scene where she has come on to him and you know he's like no no no that's that's cool you know i'm a i'm a priest scientist like can't do that yeah you know it would have that would

have gone over better if you didn't tell her how you miss lady party and how you've had such days, such science days of exploring and I love how there's one moment in this movie where Gabriel Bernd's character was like, yes, before I was a priest, I had sexual relations with a woman. And Eric's like, well, this fucking sex addict becomes a priest. You know what? Shouldn't be talking out of school. So I'm saying, you know. But that's what I wonder is I think, I think he says that. Like, I think he's like, oh, man, before I was a priest, I think he had one steady girlfriend.

Yeah. Yeah, no, he wasn't just like, you know, Jimmy jangling through whatever, you know, college town he was in. He went to college. He had a girlfriend, Estelle, and Estelle had sex with him a few times. Oh, yeah, exactly. And then he was like, oh, Estelle, maybe I'll become a priest. This wasn't so great. Yeah, no. No, I think theology for me. And so she, like, it's kind of hilarious because she's like, oh, you don't want to fuck, huh? You don't want to fuck, huh?

And starts, like, throwing him like a rag doll around this apartment. It's amazing. Just like getting tossed through tables and bookshelves. It's insane. Well, her whole fucking apartment is a piece of shit at this point. There is no, Dana. There was only Zool. Dude, five feet above the covers.

Totally happens in this movie. It's insane. Ripping off the Ghost posters on them. That's not a Ghostbusters reference, but all I wrote was five feet above the covers, which was great. She's also got an impossible apartment. It kind of looks like Will Smith's apartment in Bad Boys. Yeah, you're not wrong.

It's a nice-ass apartment. But you know what? It's Pittsburgh. I don't know. Who knows? I haven't lived there yet. I haven't been run out of New York yet. Not quite yet.

But here's the thing that's really annoying about this apartment because it makes for an incredibly obnoxious sound design is somewhere in this apartment there's a leaky ceiling humongous leaking ceiling It's like she lives inside a broken sink Like every time you're in the apartment It's like

Also there's a bird We've got some John Wu doves Fucking flying around John Wu's like There's where my doves went Get back here I'm trying to make face off door He just kicks down the door

Oh you, you had them Okay Look I'm in pre-production for wind talkers Give me my goddamn doves back. You set back, Broken Arrow, too. Yeah, that's what did it. But so, I mean, it's not just every time you're in this apartment, it's like random bird sounds and water dripping.

I was like, is this a legal residence? Like, is she okay to be here? Yeah, no, that's fine. At least that's what my landlord tells me. No, no, no, no. The ceiling is supposed to do that. Yeah. It keeps things cool or something.

That's a good water. That's filtered. I've actually... That's what that is. I've actually had my ceiling leak from my bathroom. Like the bathroom ceiling just like pouring water here and there. Sure. Like dripping water or like a stream of water?

Dripping, but enough that it's like, hey, is it raining outside? Like a constant? Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then he was like, oh, okay. He came and looked at it.

And he was like, guy upstairs, forget. got to change the bucket. Shut up. Are you serious? I am serious. The bucket, by the way. The bucket that's owned by the building. It's not that dude's bucket.

It's the building's bucket. You know, I watch him. He leaves the apartment. I can hear him go up the stairs. And then I hear, like, him enter the apartment upstairs and then walk over there. And, you know, I can hear their footsteps and hear that bucket getting changed. Oh, my God. And, hey, you know, worked out.

Yeah, well, I mean, if that's what's stopping it. It only happened two times since. I forgot to change a bucket again. He was probably on vacation. The holiday. Got to change the bucket, man. I would flip out. Well, I am moving to Pittsburgh.

Or somewhere else, anyway. Anywhere that isn't having these leaky problems. Also, sometime in between this, like, writing on the wall and the flipping out and beating up Gabriel Byrne, Gabriel Byrne has a priest friend in the Vatican who he sends photos of the writing on the wall and he's like, hey man, what's this? And this is where like the Aramaic explanation happens. Well, you see, back then in Jesus time,

they spoke a different language. Yeah, it wasn't English or Irish English or Italian. You scientists might not know this, but... And then this is where we start planting the seeds for like the larger bullshit thing that doesn't happen in this movie because the priest is like, hey, um, Oh, I recognize this. Do you remember that gospel commission that got shut down?

And Gabriel Burns, like, why, yes, I do. And everyone watching the movie is like, no, we don't. Why don't you explain it? And they don't. And it's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was just part of that. But I can't talk about it right now because Enrico Colin Tony is 75 feet away possibly looking at me. And so then, like, he deletes these emails. And Enrico, like, goes over to the computer and he's like, undo delete.

He's got like a special. He's a Vatican hacker. He's just like hacking that shit, like restore and like, oh, and then he prints it out on one of those old inkjet printers. Oh, yeah, dude. That shit must have taken 25 minutes. Yeah, in the movie, it takes no time at all, which is interesting. Jesus magic, if it's real. So then it's like, you know, he passes that off to Jonathan Price.

He's like, by the way, me is resident Vatican hacker, also known as a vacor. from here on out. You know, I found this. That's why I'm an anti-vacker. I just don't think they should be doing it. It should be your parents' choice, says Chris Christie, the fucking fattest idiot in the world. Exactly.

I think it should be a parent's choice. The kid shouldn't be involved in a Vatican hacking scandal. No, not ever. You don't want your kids near the Vatican. No, because you don't know what can happen. No, it's just, yeah, it's not safe. You've got to keep them pure. You've got to get more Vatican science to confirm.

More Gabriel Burns, and then maybe. We need more of Gabriel Burns and less Jonathan Price's. That's what I say. That's what I think. This movie's saying as well, I think. And he's just like, oh, he printed out this thing. And he's like, oh, oh, from the Gospel Commission, you saw nothing? And then just like it bolts for America with this team of thugs.

Then all of a sudden we have a mystery on our hands here. And it's like, whoa, what is this? But it's like a weird. Oh, this is Aramaic. It's not a mystery that they're not a mystery that. the movie sets up. It's a mystery to someone watching it who's totally confused. You're like, well, wait, am I

supposed to give a shit about that? Like, what is happening right now? And then you cut back to she's like, I'm sorry I freaked out and tried to kill you. I promise I'm not possessed anymore. Let's just take a nap together. And then Jonathan Price comes ratatat tatin at the door and he's like,

well, what do we have here? Oh, you're always spinning those yarns about all those ladies you slept with in science school. I knew it. Science! Yeah, in the name... Oh, in the name of science, you had to sleep with a demon.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Just taking a nap with a demon. Oh, sure. Oh, don't get me wrong. I can't wait to hear this one. Wait till the Pope hears about this. JP2 was going to be so mad. I told you I'd get in his jimmies.

These jimmies are jangling all over the place. The Jimmy jangles happening down here in these pants now, see? By the way... I'm a demon. We're going to ruin his current. by the way at this point she has also had the foot stigmata's and they got all over her wedge sandals dude these jesus christ these hilarious sandals dude it's like the platform wedge sandals that are also glitter sky blue oh could you get any more late 90s than this shit go to kmart you can

buy a pair of them for a dollar right now it's insane the clothes that she's wearing in this movie it's crazy i mean it's like she's dressed like everyone in that movie boys and girls or and she's all that you know those kinds of movies but it's just this vatican thriller with terrible costume design well it's all like like uh what's a party monster like clothes yeah yeah you're totally dude if mcculley culkin came in oh hi colkin in that movie yeah he's yeah he is party monster that's right i thought so i didn't want to be making an inaccurate reference Is he the one getting up in the Jimmy Jammers? He was getting up in a whole bunch of Jimmy Jammers.

Oh, very good. Him and Seth Green, trying to do a serious performance. So eat that shit. So way late into the game, by the way, this movie is like, oh, and veteran character actor Rage Serbages here. Oh, God. Like, underused actor in this movie, like, if you ever saw one. Yeah.

He's a great character actor. love when he pops up on screen and it's like 120 seconds tops of Rage Sir Bajer in this movie. Well, you might know him most recently from when he's going to dismember the corpse of the peanut M&M to put on his ice cream. Look, everybody's got to work, man. That's his greatest performance. I just love that he's like, I'm going to

dismember. He's just so silly. It is. It is. silly, but I love watching cartoon M&Ms in peril. But it is pretty funny. So Jonathan Price is like, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. We'll talk to the boss about this napping business when we get home. But in the meantime,

take this incredibly damaged woman to the archdioces, and we're going to handle this the old school way. Oh, God. And we're finally just into the third act of this movie. Like, this movie's like 98 minutes long or something like that. My goodness if it doesn't feel closer to two and a half

hours. It really does. Because all the scenes that don't need to be long are super long. Like the scene with her in the bathtub, that takes two minutes longer than need to. Oh, yeah. And all of them, and it goes nowhere. Because we have all these artistic flourishes by this director that you're just like, all right, I get it, man. Like, her feet are splitting open. Great. Can we please move on? No. Okay. We're going to drag this out for three minutes. That's fine. Great. But so Rachel Bezier, by the way, explains this whole thing, which is like, what she's written out are pieces of like what is to be believed is like the true gospel of Jesus that basically states like from the word of Jesus, like the historical figure Jesus. It was something that the church had purposely kept out. Right, based on the gospel of St. Thomas.

Where he's like, hey man, make sure when I'm dead, everybody knows that like, you know, know, I'm everywhere, the Lord is everywhere. You don't need a fucking church to do it, man. You can, you know, be religious anywhere. So clearly, one of the biggest money-making organizations in the world, if not the biggest, is like, huh, probably should cover that shit up. Right. And so... I agree with you, Andrew.

This is just nothing but Protestant propaganda. And so it turned out that... And this is a whole other movie that I would actually like to see, because it's raised Serbeza, the dude who was dead at the beginning of the movie, that priest, and then this third guy who was like the Vatican hacker were on this team. He's the guy who has to explain Aramaic to Gabriel Byrne. Yeah. The three of them were on this team that like discovered this in a cave somewhere and were like ready to, you know, do this research and everything. And it all got hushed up. Tony Stark discovered this in a cave. Tony Stark discovered all these contrary opinions about the church

in a cave But And then the church has been trying to cover it up ever since But I mean So then we find out You know He's like Where have you seen this dude

And Gabriel Burns like I saw him last week I was at his funeral in Brazil And he's like Oh Well that's too bad But it confirms like You know Gabriel Burns

Not crazy that church was there You know Jonathan Price And his lackeys are covering this whole thing up or whatever. But race your base, this is what I didn't get. He's like, oh, well, if he's dead, the whole thing's off. I was like, well, why? You're still here.

They have the photos of everything. What do you need this guy for? Doesn't he know where this, the actual script? That's what's happening at the end when he pries up the thighs. Oh, yes, you're totally right. He's the only one who supposedly knows. Yes, very good. The hidden microfilm.

Yeah, he knows where the micro-fiche is. Got a big guffin at the very end here, squeeze it in. Just right in the last, like, 10 minutes of this movie. It's got a pinch, kind of like a suppository, but stick it. Just get it right up there. Get that exposition right up in there. Oh, yeah, we forgot this. Oh, you'll need this.

Shove. Yeah. But it's ridiculous because, I mean, Rageder Beezer really does just ride in on the Exhibition Express. Gives this monologue in a church and, like, that is the end of it. And Gabriel Burns is just like, oh, well, that's kind of interesting. Hey, kind of wish my whole adventure in Pittsburgh was about this, not this lady, who's now been kidnapped by Jonathan Price. And, well, I guess I'm kind of in love with her, so I have to save her.

I don't know. I know. I think my science is acting up here. My science is getting the best of me. Need a little more divine exposition. Yeah, I think I've got to read the Bible and, you know, Reese, maybe some Dan Brown, too, some early Dan Brown. Oh, yeah, those early cuts, those Dan Brown early cuts. The Early Brown, man.

Early Brown gets the word, man. It's just a bunch of stories about Jesus actually, like, boxing people. I discovered this one scroll that said that Jesus was a total dick to this dude one time, Dan Brown. And he totally, and then another time, Jesus fought a kangaroo with boxing gloves on. And guess what he won, man. Historical texts have told us that he's a South. I believe it. I found a map

inside this cave that leads you directly to the last known whereabouts of Jesus' actual boxing gloves. We're going to go solve this mystery. And then I found this another scroll that tells me exactly how to steal the George Washington's teeth. Oh, wait. No, no, no, no. This is national treasure.

Easy to skip around. Dude, that's a good crossover movie. It would be. Nick Cage and all those guys. What's his name? Is his name is Benjamin Franklin in that movie? Benjamin Gates.

Benjamin Franklin Gates. And then Professor Thomas Langdon from those other movies. Dude, team up. Crazy historical bullshit movie? Right. Oh yeah. Let's get that going.

We got to excavate the first church of America. Try to do it, John Voigt. And I've found it on the back of this mummy. Yeah. Because why not? Find some sort of a map

written on a mummy's back? And the mummy comes to life, of course. Oh, yeah. And then Tom Hanks has to fight that shit. We got to fight the mummy. Dude, a Nicholas Cage mummy movie? Yep. Oh, I'm there.

Sure. He could be the mummy, or he could fight the mummy. Either way, I'm down for that mummy movie. Or both. Play every role. That's what I want. What is the... He's got this new movie coming out that's set in, like, what,

feudal China or something? Oh, I saw the outlaw or outrage or something like that. It's out something and it looks outrageous. There might be a mummy in that. I don't know, but there might be a mummy in that. I'd say four percent. That's a tube of the dragon emperor shit going on. It's a 4% chance of a movie.

Straight to DVD set in China. There's a dragon. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? That dragon looks really shitty too. Guaranteed. Oh, yeah.

So. Just an emoji. Nick Cage. It's not going to be smog. It's going to be a piece of shit. So, because we just love that William Friedkin movie that shall not be named according to this film. He Friedkin's out about it. He Freedkinses out all over her because Jonathan Price is like next step in this movie, exorcism.

I was like, come on. And then like Enrico's not in, like he doesn't want anything to do with it. He's totally like whistling out with the whole. It's so fucking funny. And you know what movie, not for nothing. In this exorcism scene, something has to get thrown across the room and impale him through the throat. That's why it's insane that Enrico's the one who's like, no, you know what? I can't do this.

This is your time to have evil people versus good people. Totally. You made this stupid movie. The least you can do is have a fucking bad guy who wants to kill somebody else. Yep. Yeah. Well, you know, at this point, I was like on Price's side because I was like, finally, because I know there's a demon up in them. There's something in there.

There's a Jimmy Jammer in there. Get it out? first step remove the gym from the jam exactly unjam that gym that's what i think so i mean she's exhibiting clearly demon demon well something that's the other thing is that that's never really settled on until the very end right so you can't do any funny stuff the perfect opportunity for this scene too and you see it every now and again in a movie where the number two villain uh decides that he's more evil than the the the the the a big boss villain.

So this is the scene where, like, maybe Jonathan Price is, like, not doing a great job of this exorcism. And Enrico Colentoni comes over and, like, you know, punches him or throws him headfirst into the fireplace or whatever. And he's like, no, now I'm the real crazy fucker. Like, I'm going to do this. It's got to be, it's got to stay secret. It's got to stay secret.

And instead, he just, like, stands in the back with his arms folded. I was like, why did you even come in here to hold his jacket? Like, what is happening? Why are you a character other than to look at things suspiciously? He's like, I can't get involved in this. I'm just a hacker. I just do the computers. I don't touch the kids.

I don't deal with the ladies. I just do the computers. I just trade the picks. So apparently he's, you know, Price is like he knows that they know about this hidden gospel. Right. So she, so his move is to strangle her to death. Yeah.

Like, let me cover this up. Hey, you guys make sure the coach. is clear. Well, because I think it's a thing where he realizes that you hear those stories all the time about like some priest somewhere attempted an exorcism and whoops, they died, right? Like the possessed person just dies. That happens all the time. So he's like, maybe I'll do that. But it's like, dude, on what planet? Like the medical technician is going to be like, all right. Well, these handmarks all over her throat clearly showed that she was just murdered. Like the fingerprints are actually in the skin. That's hard grip. Totally. So then like, Gabe, Gabriel Byrne bursts back in and, you know, he... Pulls him off. He hilariously roughs up Jonathan Price. He's like, now wait a way till we get back to the Vatican? JP2 is going to be so mad at you.

I'm going to beat the shit out of you right now. And Price just drops like a house of cards. Like he's basically crying in like two seconds. Oh, I'm so sorry, Gabriel Byrne. I don't want to be beat up by a tough Irish priest. I don't know. Well, to be fair, and speaking of the keep, evil Gabriel Byrne is one of the scariest figures

in the known cinematic universe Dude and for folks listening Michael Man's the Keep Mwah oh what a fantastic movie Early Michael Man movie Set on the eastern front of World War II Yep And some creepy stuff happening

But like angry Gabriel Byrne to me Is in the same wheelhouse as Brian Dunaghy Like I'm scared to death of him Totally and you know what Toss Stacey Keech in that pile Oh yeah When you get him really angry Fired up.

That is a bag of snakes. You just toss that in a room with your enemies and run. Keech. I hate Keech. So he's like, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to, you know, blow this thing wide open. You're fucking finished in the church, like this, that, and the other thing. And then he closes the door and he's like, he goes up to Patricia Arquette. And he's like, hey, are you that dead priest I saw a couple weeks ago?

And the whole thing is, it turns out that she's been possessed by this dead priest who's been trying to, I guess, get the attention. No, who's now become a demon because he was a bad priest. But he wasn't a bad priest. He was on Ray Sherbaedge's team. Sure. You know, that's what they're telling you. But the guy used possession to get his message across. And to me, that's kind of a negative.

just like that other priest that confessed to having sexual intercourse before he was a priest fuck that guy too both both are pretty heinous crimes sure so this like the demon or the spirit inside of her is like oh finally thank you yes some recognition it's me i literally drew you a diagram before but this is what's amazing okay if you have possessed this woman you've chosen to possess this woman because she inherited your rosary because it was a travel gift from her vacationing mother which by the way how fucking shitty is it

that someone pulled off his old rosary instantly sold it oh dude well you got to be careful man that's I've talked about this before on the year dude you have to watch it with grave robbing it happens more than you think oh yeah dude way more than you think

grave robbing it's one of America's most serious crime waves since you've said that three graves have been robbed exactly it's happening all the time. Bam, someone just got their grave robbed. And Eric's guys only did like half. Eric's team of grave robbers.

Me being against him on this show is the perfect cover. Well, he couldn't be orchestrating it. He spent a whole podcast talking about how bad it was. He's just a money man, man. Oh, I never robbed any of the graves. I'm just the money guy. Don't look at me. That's what I say to Batman when he comes to rough you up.

Yeah. So I get, yeah, this priest just orchestrated this whole thing. But this is my point, though, is like, if you just want to get across like, hey, man, I was, I died or I was possibly murdered by the Vatican. We don't really know how this priest died, but I still want to get the message across. Unfinished business. Right, right? So why don't you just possess this woman and then have her just right on the wall? My name is Father So, and so I was murdered by Vatican Thugs.

Right? The King's English. I get it, Aramaic. It's more mysterious that way. Why are this convoluted horseshit of giving her the stigmata? Aim for the stars. Possess the Pope. Oh, yeah, dude.

Can you imagine the headlines, JP2? Yeah. Getting the stigmata. Or, you know, keep it a little bit under wraps, you know, just do it enough to get into that body. And then once you're possessing the Pope, you're like, yo, got a new gospel for you. Boom. And, dude, it's super easy. All you have to do is put in your will.

I wanted the Pope, the sir, to have my rosary. You got to watch it, though, where you die, man, because some people will just not adhere to final wishes. Grave robbers don't care. Maybe that's the point. I think he probably had it sent to the Pope in Will, but the grave robber took it.

Here's a tip. Don't get murdered in a small, quiet South American village. Grave robbing through the roof. through the roof Grave robbing Anywhere to die Antarctica No yeah

Well I don't know Those people Probably pick you clean But they have to Faw you out first Yeah go jump in the ocean If you really want your possessions Yeah

If you want to get rid of it all Just have that one But if you have a message That's going to blow the case Wide open on a gigantic mass decades long Vatican conspiracy You got to find some way To get that shit out there

Passive aggressive Go right for it None of this era Romantic nonsense. Be bold. Be bold. So he's like, hey man, you're you. Like, I get it. Like, just tell me what you need me to do. Like, don't hurt this girl anymore. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And out comes some of the worst CGI fire. This is some bad Windows 95 screen saver fire. It is so terrible. Hey, hon, I look at this. So I got the screensaver for a Yul log. Oh, look at that. Honey, look. It's like the computer's got a fireplace building it. How neat is that shit? This is a cutaway scene from Diablo. You know, the best part about having those screensavers and Diablo in the 90s on your computer is it was actually hot. The monitor was like burning hot.

Oh, totally. You put your hands next to it. You got into that Diablo hard. It burned up. I got it into that Diablo a little too hard a few times. Oh, you got a little in too deep with Diablo? Yeah, man. It's all that Diablo.

And at the end, we, wait. Oh, my God. Do you know what happens at the end of the ablo? No, I don't. You find, like, this giant devil crystal, your character, and it's like a giant spike, and you shove it into your head. Oh, shit. Into your forehead to get devil power. What is the point of that game, you're just kind of, like, hanging out in hell? No, you're fighting your way to become a demon god.

Oh, really? Yeah, you're a lunatic. You're a lunatic with immense fighting. You're fighting skills. Uh-huh. You're fighting your way through hell to get the devil diamond. Yeah. And then shove it into your head so that you could become a demon lord.

Dude, what absolute horseshit. By the way, listen to this. One of the first, like, oh, like, you can now play video games on the internet. And let's play video games with other people. So I tried it for Diablo. And I found the best screen name in the universe. Playing a brief skirmish of Diablo on the internet I'm like walking around that dungeon or whatever

Well, they're all dungeons A paladin walks by me His screen name His poop juice Shut the fuck off I'm not kidding you There was a sir poop juice Poop juice

And that juice was the surname So you would actually have to juice the poop It wouldn't just be poop water. Chris, it's been in my head for all this time. I can't, I can't stop thinking of them. It's been in your head like a devil diamond. Yeah. Poop juice.

Hey, Poop Juice, if you're out there, by the way. Right in, please. Right in, please. We all hate movies at gmail.com. What was the origin of that? It sounds like a prank gone wrong, poop juice. It sounds like you got hurt big time. I want a name, man.

You fucking did it, dude. You met. We're looking to interview you, actually. This is like a 90s internet hero. Or maybe it was like the year 2000 But dude, man Fucking good on you Dude poop juice

You have an open invitation To be on We Hate Movies Absolutely But no prank and no one No one no one No one claimed to be poop juice We need to find the real poop juice Eric'll know

He'll try Because he's rooted out a couple of fake poop juices in his day Well that's things It's his own Vatican conspiracy You're gonna have to play Diablo a bunch again To like get the questions that they don't know like if you didn't play Diablo you didn't know this shit yeah you're totally Jesus Christ that's horribly amazing yeah man that was something else did could you say

things to the other players yeah we were like what's the deal that you say immediately congratulations well you did it poop juice I won the internet I honestly can't recall you know I don't think poop juice was that talkative I think poop juice had better things to do he's trying to get that devil it's either congratulations or what's it like to be a genius all right let's wrap this out he walks through the fire because he's like

you know a lot of people these days don't have much faith and he's like oh I get it I'll walk through this computer fire and he picks her up out of the bed and takes her outside and it's like this movie honestly has one of the laziest worst incomplete endings of all time because he goes outside

I guess the fire was fake because like the archdioces building doesn't burn down. No one's like, holy fuck, it's on fire. Like none of that. No black smoke billowing out of it like there would be. He just takes her out into like this garden and he's like, oh, please be alive. Please be alive. And then she wakes up like, eh, all right. What's been happening? And then like a bird lands on her shoulder. And all of a sudden it's like that episode of the Simpsons when Homer gives up church. And she just walks away talking to birds. Right. He releases her back into the wild. It is so weird. It's like, I've got this

injured, I injured fawn. Yeah. let me go there you go like you're clearly out of work man yeah go for it and then it's you think he's out of work i think he's definitely punched his boss yeah yeah dude's he's getting written up at the very least yeah i don't think no i don't think they take kindly to that kind of guy bumped back down to scientists you are scientist only leave scientists and we think you'll be pretty happy with that horn dog yeah geez that guy and then we get like a ridiculous epilogue where he goes back to that church in Brazil and he lifts up a floorboard

seemingly like out of nowhere and there are these... These scrolls are just there and he's like, ah, blowing the lid off this centuries old mystery. That's cool. Oh, what? The credits are coming up. Okay, well, see you later everybody. Thanks for buying a ticket to Stigmata.

He's like jumping over the credits to be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, I guess the movie's over. Well, it's like the end of the rock. Remember like they're leaving and It's just like it's him driving off. Yeah, it's just, it's kind of just an incomplete, lazy ending. Now I know who killed JFK credits.

Well, I'll be damned. Like Gabriel Byrne may as well look at these scrolls and be like, wow, that's a whole other movie. Chemical Brothers start playing. Or no, I'm sorry, Crystal Method is definitely all over these credits. Massive attack is all over this fucking movie. National Treasure should pick up where the rock left off. And that should be the start, like him finding, like, who killed JFK?

Yeah, honestly, if you want to make a third national treasure movie, Nicholas Cage and John Turtle Tau, but I have an idea for you. Why don't we up the stakes a little bit? Enough of this George Washington was a so-and-so. Oh, Benjamin Franklin did this horse shit. They were all spies. Yeah. Forget all of that. Let's bump it up to the 1960s.

Nicholas Cage finds out who shot JFK. And that's Nick Cage beating up an old man in a walker or something. well no it turns out it was it was his father oh shit and he's got it he's got to hunt his own father dude that's that third movie the stakes are that high dude i think john void good luck oh you know what when you hunt john void john void hunts back yeah you don't know think you're gonna get this one easy you know we're like an hour and a half or hour 40 minutes into this movie and nick cage and john void both spot each other at the same time they both draw their guns on each other cut to credits

just cut to those credits man cut to credits dude cut it would anybody recommend this movie no I don't think so I mean it's because it feels really long for a 96 minute movie or whatever it is it's insanely long like you know I mean if you're curious

I guess but I you know I nah no I mean like entertainment value wise end of days is much better oh yeah yes big time Gabriel Byrne pisses gasoline yeah it's

It's just, it goes for those moments and like this, it's just like, I don't know. I like the message of the movie, kind of, because it's, you know, it's like, hey, church is everywhere. Yeah, exactly. I kind of like that it's on that side of the argument, but that's kind of the best thing this thing has going for it. And it's a total afterthought. Like, they kind of chicken out with that.

And instead, we're just wanting to be the exorcist, which honestly, watch literally any exorcist movie. Like the first one, of course, classic. Exorcist, the third one there, I think, is a cool, like, weird horror movie. That second one is terrible, but, you know, watch that over this. Either of the prequel movies, you know, whatever. Like, any of those are better than this. Like, this movie totally had potential and it's just, like, completely squandered.

And, I mean, we did this because Patricia Arquette's in it. And, like, I'm not sure if she can hold a movie. And that's what she's being asked to do here. And I just don't think she's that kind of actress. But that's, that's funny, though. because, like, I feel like boyhood is on her shoulders. It is, but it's because she's not the focal point of it. Uh-huh.

Versus this, I think. Like, she, she is a classic supporting character. She's a great actress. I mean, we did just talk about Gabriel Byrne almost the whole time, right? And, I mean, she is great. And, like, she does really good work. She was great on boardwalk. I'm so far behind on boardwalk.

I didn't even know. she was on the show she's uh her his friend in cuba when he when he goes to cuba finally i didn't even know someone goes to cuba on boardwalk my goodness me neither but i mean also i feel like this like the way her character is written in this movie is like non-existent no she's she's so i think it's kind of the macguffin yeah yeah she's a human mcuffin yeah exactly i mean it's she's gotten bad roles and that's you know you can't really fault for that where but i give her more credit than Ethan Hawke at the end of the day because she works with

big directors. She did lost highway. She did fucking... That was great, man. She did bring out the dead. She did flirting with disaster. These are big movies from big directors and she is integral to all of them. And that's a big deal.

So do we think at the Oscar she's going to take this thing home? I would like her to. Who else is there? Right. Well, it's her it's Laura Dern for Wild, which I thought she's probably good. She's the best part of that movie. I was disappointed with that movie, I have to say.

I was excited for it. Yeah. But I, I don't know. I actually think it's a better movie than Dallas Byers Club. So do I, but I wasn't blown away.

No, no, there wasn't anything great. Well, then, yeah, it's Kira Knightley an imitation game, which I don't know.

That's a throwaway nomination. Right, yeah, that's just good. Yeah. Emma Stone from Birdman, again, I'm like,

that's another throwaway nomination. I think Patricia Arquette has this wrapped up. That's the thing, I think she does have it wrapped up all the other ones are not substantial in the movie itself. Yeah, but if you're looking at it from voter perspective, here's the one that I can see

being the monkey wrench and Patricia Arquette getting an Oscar, because everyone always thinks she's fantastic, dude fucking Merrill Streepin' into the woods. Like, they can't do it. It's just, it's so terrible. I know she gets it all the time. If anything, I think

Dern's got a better shot because... I think Dern is the second... I would say it goes Patricia Arkats almost certainly going to get it but I think right after her

it's Laura Dern and Emma Stone just because I think they're going to try to get some birdman presence in there and it's not

you know I don't know if they're going to give the script one to them again necessarily yeah so I mean we'll see

but I think she's got this wrapped up that's stigmata from 1999 directed by Rupert Wainwright if you want to get a hold of us

check out our website WHMpodcast.com like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast. Right into the mailbag. We All Hit Movies at gmail.com. What are your Oscar predictions for the ceremony coming up in a couple weeks?

Rate and review the show whenever you get a chance, wherever you get the show. We would greatly appreciate it. Take a quick second and give us a quick review. It would help us out quite a bit. Clue for next week's episode, we have Best Lead Actress, is the category. And that is...

Oh, whoa, hang on a second, gang. Don't listen to anything that those guys are saying right now. This is Andrew and Steve from the future. This is Andrew and Steve coming to you from the future. One day, a fat guy is going to come to you in the rain with an envelope. Are you Marty McFly? You know, recently I just learned that that's Joe What's his face from SCTV? I had no idea.

It's been him the whole time. For 30 years, it's been him the whole time. Anyway, what are we doing here coming to you from the future? What we're saying is, don't listen to what these guys are saying about the next week's episode being a Reese Witherspoon movie. We have had an emergency programming change to something much more exciting.

The clue for next week's episode instead, best leading actress category, Julianne Moore. Say what? Seriously. So this is us coming to you from the future. We have just recorded this episode. Chris Cabin may or may not be dead. A lot of things happen. It's crazy.

It's mass chaos here in the future. But we wanted to send this message back in time to tell you, forget about Reese Witherspoon, Julianne Moore. Get your guesses in now, gang. Yeah, seriously. And now we're just going to, we're going to leave this temporal portal here. We're going to go back to those guys. They're still talking about Reese Witherspoon.

They don't know what's going on. But next week on We Hate Movies, Julianne Moore. And that's Rees Witherspoon. Speaking of wild. Speaking of wild. So look through that filmography. There's a little bit of, you know. Some stuff.

A little bit to sort through. There's some stuff. A little bit to sort through with Reese. Good luck. So until next week, when we take apart one Rees Witherspoon movie, I'm Andrew Juppin. Chris Gavin. Eric Siskin. Take it easy.